#btw I'm keeping the specifics of our differences vague

[troonwolf]

Anyway this post is about me:

So I want to make some things very clear. 

I am doing this because I am sick of the gossip and badmouthing. This person has a much larger audience than me, many that are in the same fandoms as me and who sometimes interact with my art. I plan to open commissions in the future because I’m in desperate financial need, and someone smearing me like this (and name-dropping me, which I know he does in private) could seriously hurt my ability to earn in fandom spaces.

Additionally, I find it ridiculous that someone who claims to hate “toxic callout fandom culture” and etc, is doing to me exactly what he complains other people do: lying, exaggerating, and misrepresenting events to make someone look “problematic” and essentially unperson them in fandom.

With that said-

I have never harassed mywitchcultblr (the author of that post).

I have never sent them messages about Disney, Marvel, Ao3, whether on anon or personally. 

I in fact have never sent anyone messages about Marvel, Disney, Ao3, or ANYTHING else related to fandom.

Nor do I consider “all Ao3 users paedophiles”. I use Ao3. My boyfriend uses Ao3. My friends and mutuals use Ao3- this also goes for Disney and Marvel. Tons of people around me love those things.

No one around me cares that I sometimes criticise those things. When I do criticise those things, it’s always some dumb shitpost that I intentionally leave untagged so that it’s isolated in my own space.

The only time I ever approached mywitchcultblr about “discourse”, was to do with natural systems and DID, because I myself have DID. Even then I was civil, the conversation was over in a few messages, and we never spoke about it again.

When I first met Ann, his blog was a lot different from what it is now. There was barely any NSFW or kink, barely any fandom discourse. He just posted about fandom and LGBT stuff.

When he became involved in fandom discourse, began constantly posting untagged NSFW, being defensive when people asked him to tag things, and overall saying and doing things that made me uncomfortable or that I did strongly disagree with, I just blocked him.

We didn’t argue.

I didn’t send him any messages.

I didn’t send him any anons.

I blocked him and moved on. I set a boundary and moved on. That’s what you’re meant to do, right? Then why am I still hearing about it a year later?

Despite the fact I am just some guy he knew for a few months, he has this obsession with me as some kind of fallen father figure in his personal narrative. I’m always referred to as “someone I looked up to who disappointed me.”

This is inappropriate. I am no one’s role model. I didn’t consent to be your father figure and told you on several occasions how severely mentally ill I am. This would be parasocial if I was a bigger blogger but since I’m just some guy, it’s not quite that but still not healthy or reasonable. 

We were in each other’s lives for a few months and talked occasionally. That’s it.

We didn’t even argue or have a real “falling out”. I blocked him. There was no interaction. But ever since then he spreads more exaggerations and lies about me and I’m tired of it.

Don’t take the word of someone who knew me less than a few months, that I’m a toxic harasser, just because I stopped feeling comfortable on his blog and blocked him for my own comfort.

I wish him no ill will but I do wish he’d stop projecting his father issues onto me, and I don’t say that to be funny. it’s extremely weird and uncomfortable to be put in this situation of “I idolised you because you’re an older queer man in fandom and I’m going to make that your problem if you don’t live up to my ideals.”

I’m just some guy. I’m in my 30s, childless, homeless, gay, majorly spangled in the head. No one should be looking up to me. I shouldn’t be held accountable for other people’s made up versions of me. I think we can all agree that isn’t fair.

If he was just calling me a buzzkill or cynical or annoying, I’d fully agree with those statements lmao! But to say I’m toxic and that people around me will be harassed for disagreeing with me is an exaggeration of my character.

I also want to add that my boyfriend has attempted messaging him in order to have a civil discussion on why he keeps lying about me when it's been practically a year since I blocked him, but Ann doesn't respond.

Anyway, that’s all folks.

[velnna]

The more I learn about your comic... The more I fall in love with it. Especially your bugs! Like can you explain more about them? I'm really curious about them (from the full bugs to the hybrids and anything else that comes to mind).

Anyway your art is wonderful and I adore seeing it on my dash. And you can info-dump too. If you want ofc.

Thank you!

The worldbuilding is a work in progress (as it always is, but the first chunk of the comic itself is pretty self-contained so we've been slowly tinkering at the rest of the world and creatures as we go without affecting it much), so we mostly have loose rules and ideas for the bugs as a species. Or anything in between for that matter.

For all intended purposes, bug people are all the same species and can usually cross-breed within mechanical constraints, as well as mix with the elves we threw into the mix. Genetics? Don't know her. We operate on Sims logic here.

A full bug has roughly a human lifespan, with some variation depending on the type of bug it's closer to and some type-specific quirks. The one we've explorer the most, as it pertains to Ashton and the latest batch out of the oven, is the ability that some types might have to undergo metamorphosis, usually at the expense of lifespan. This is Ashton btw

And this is Ashton pre-metamorphosis:

Something like this isn't super common tho! So despite me drawing a bunch of butterfly or moth people they generally don't get to that point and stay looking more like funky lizards with many arms

Bugs can have many arms or legs or eyes, funky colours, exoskeletal bits, antennae, or look pretty close to your average human/elf with hidden bug features. Dahlia for instance is a vaguely spidery bug but can easily hide a bunch of her eyes and secretes venom thru hidden glandes so you could mistake her for an elf

Meanwhile it'd be very hard to mistake someone like this guy for anything other than a horned bug

If u catch my drift.

Some bugs are small! Some are huge. Some are out there committing atrocities

Some dont look like bugs at all

They're generally not as physically strong as the average elf but more resilient in a cockroach kinda way. They can have a chaotic range of circulatory systems and internal organs that sometimes just make them really hard to kill and its also pretty hard to keep track of every variation of the species and their quirks.

That being said in a lot of places they're super common and coexist with elves just fine, mix up and it's also not super uncommon to have half breeds like our man Staeve (the ThUG edition). The closer you get to elf the longer you live and less "non human" traits you have. There's also a bunch of different types of regular ass elf and it all falls under the elf category unless we decide to name them something else down the line.

Then you've got a smaller category of super elves that have been isolated for so long they never blended with anything else, are more attuned to magic and in general have a sort of mythical status amongst everyone else. They also have the longest lifespan at around 250 ish years.

That's sort of the TL;DR for now! Ollie and I have started to put all the info we've got into a single repository and do want to start sharing it (probably as patreon posts for now) because comics are slow and the scope might not encompass that much of what we want to explore of this world. And the chaotic idea machine never stops

Here's a metamorphosis meme for ya

[the-sprog]

Now I want to hear more about your Sasuke in DC ideas

This is gonna be long anon, so strap in:

RN it's more of a "Batman in Naruto" idea, but if I were to put the people of Naruto in DC I would make them all some kind of League of Assassins brench that's been removed from them for so long they just kinda do their own thing now. It would be less villages and more like a loose collection of people. Like, I know it's important that Konoha is a ninja village that allows civilians, but I don't think I could fit that into DC without making it a "Court of Owls in Gotham" kind of situation.

Or maybe I just plop the Land of Fire in DC, someplace near Japan, that still has connection to the League but is very isolated and removed from modern society (until after the 4th Shinobi War, since we see that between that and Boruto the technology they use has gotten real advanced real fast. I mean, they have trains now. And computers).

So in this case I'm thinking Orochimaru and/or Madara and/or Obito and/or- YOU GET THE IDEA, someone tried to ally themselves with the League since, y'know, immortality and all. But got rejected because Ra's Al Ghoul is a one pretencious asshole. He'd see the Edo Tensei as rudementary and grottesque. Although he'd probably try to get his hands on some of the Kekkei genkai.

Small tangent, the superpowered classifications in DC are utter and absolute bullshit. All ninjas would be considered Metas, because what a Meta even is, isn't established with clear lines. Every author kinda of has a different interpretation of it, which has, at times, made people consider Batman a Meta as well because of his intelligence. So I usually don't care about "no metas in gotham" because, all in all, it means nothing. I consider it more of a "no people that Bruce considers too strong or with powers that are too bothersome to deal with left unsupervised in Gotham".

Back to our regularly scheduled programming: this would, in turn, ping alarms for Bruce and/or Tim and/or Damian (which I think are the ones keeping the most track of the League) who would investigate the situation, learn about the Land of Fire (which, btw, I know is the name of only one country but they don't have continent names, and unless I go the Witcher route and just call it "the continent" there's too many countries here. Also the world of Naruto is called "Earth" and they call the ninja terrotories just "Shinobi/Ninja World" which would be confusing to follow. Though I could go with Shinobi Continent.) but Bruce and the JL both have a thing about not interfearing with foreign conflicts unless explicitly asked to, so the most he'd do is visit. Now, I don't know the geography of the place all that well, but I assume the names "the village hidden in the [blank]" means that the villages are hard to find -unless you're a ninja yourself. And althrough Bruce did intern, for lack of better words, under Ra's Al Ghoul, I wouldn't consider the League to be made of ninjas, but more mercenaries and assassins who know martial arts and are vaguely inspired in looks by various asian countries. I'd say the ninjas in Naruto would be more closer to Cas' skillset plus very specific types of magic than anything the League has cooked up. So he'd have a really hard time finding any of the vilages. He'd have to either intercept a battle, or be intercepted himself. Maybe accidentally cross paths with some missing-nins or get mistaken as one of the Akatsuki.

I know I joked about Damian and Sasuke not getting along because of them both being ninjas, but I think Sasuke would hate if Damian ever called himself one. To become a ninja, at least in Konoha, you have pass the academy's final exam by showin proficiency in the three main ninjutsus (substitution jutsu, cloning jutsu, and transformation jutsu) showing your abilities to morph and control chakra. This makes you a Genin. The first Shinobi/Kunoichi rank. To Sasuke it would be a title that Damian has never earned, and thus has no right to call himself by.

I'm imagining them the same age, so this would be a 17yo Damain, at which point it's a mellowed out but still bitter and disappointed Sasuke. Because there's no way Sasuke would let himself get a new family before killing Itachi and having some sense beaten into him in the form of his arm blowing off. Or that Orochimaru would let his precious pupil go that easily.

Not for lack of trying from Bruce, I'm sure. There's no way he wouldn't send his other kids to at least keep tabs on the situation. I think he'd be less interested in adopting Naruto because if one thing is true about Bruce is that he ends up adopting the kids whose situations or attitudes most remind him of his own. Naruto would honestly make GREAT friends with Billy Batson.

There's also no way he heard Itachi's story and didn't try to track him down as well.

Sasuke's, like, an absentee father in Boruto, right? Because he's got that whole thing about still not loving Konoha, but working hard to help Naruto make it a better place while also atoning for all the hurt he's caused. So maybe he finally accepts Batman's offer at another family, which he misterpreted greatly because he definately thought Batman was looking for more people to train, as is common for jonins to do in ninja villages. He does NOT compute that Bruce meant to adopt him. There's 7 something other adults who keep calling him brother and he assumes it's some kind of language or cultural barrier.

Now that the Lands (I'm calling them the lands fuck it) have made contact with the rest of the world though, it would be easier to teleport there by leaving various Kunais or shit in the way (since I'm pretty sure no one but Minato can actually use the Hiraishin and the Shushin has a lenght limit, but I think with enough chakra you could do a bunch of substitution jutsus), and if Sasuke stays stationary for a while there's nothing stopping them from visiting. Maybe Sakura can even do some helping out at Leslie's clinic.

I don't think he'd ever become a bat. If he became a hero in some way he'd be independent and much more silent than the bats are currently. He'd be the new cryptid of Gotham. No mask and yet no one's ever seen this one. Claims no affiliation to any of the hero teams, not that anyone would be able to tell since no one ever sees him.

Sidenote, I was checking if all of ANBU was dismantled or just root and I discovered that I erroneusly thought Sasuke was ANBU in Boruto. Which he isn't. Because he never passed the Chunin exam. That's bullshit.

ON ANOTHER NOTE now I'm thinking of Damian taking the Chunin exams the same year as Boruto because he's annoyed at being considered not a ninja, but he had to first get himself trained by an actual ninja to be considered a Genin to even enter the Chunin exam. But he also needs a team of other people who would learn ninja techniques as a a favour to him and be ok with beating the shit out of some 12 year olds with them. Damain is like. 33 now. That would be really funny omg. Tim would learn the techniques I feel, but he wouldn't do it for Damian. Cas probably wouldn't want to learn them and she definately wouldn't beat up children with them.

Which btw wouldn't even work because, as a reminder, the ability to use chakra comes from aliens. Specific ones. And not being a decendant of the Kaguya would mean being unable of using chakra. Other sidenote, just remembered that technically the aliens created the moon. Which would be interesting to implement as a thing in DC history.

I mean, technically the chakra control comes from the God tree so Damian technically could learn if he managed to do what the Akatsuki did but successfully this time. He'd just need all the tailed beasts, a few millenia worth of blood shed in battles, and to eat another of the fruits produced by that. At least that's what I think all of that plot line means. The alien shit still confuses me.

He'd never be able to escape it. Damian will never be a ninja in Sasuke's eyes. (almost accidentally closed the tab LMAO I was not about to rewrite all of that)

This became a lot more about how the Lands and the DC countries would interact with each other than any adopting. That's all I have for now anon. thank you so much for giving me an excuse to continue rambling about this!

[bakurapika]

when i was a very christian kid with undiagnosed ocd and a focus on religiosity, i knew there were things required for "christian" behavior that weren't actually spelled out in the bible (i'm still not convinced that the obscure verse about spilling his seed is against masturbation). these were usually handwaved as being behavior the world thinks are inappropriate, and we need to keep our reputation clean to reflect god or whatever. with the caveat that jesus hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes so be nice to them

anyway i remember thinking very hard about why swear words aren't allowed. the closest justification i ever heard was another verse about keeping your actions/words/thoughts pure but that was so vague and arbitrary?

i realized that swear words (fuck) and words substituted for swear words (fudge, freak, eff, frig, frick, etc) were from an ethical standpoint identical. like there's nothing inherent in the word fuck that isn't applicable to the word fudge (when used as a swear)

so you'd think the next logical step would be to realize swearing is ok, right? but at that age it was still a religious tenant to trust your parents teachers etc and I couldn't call them liars.

so therefore, i decided that all swear words were morally wrong, including fudge.

i still remember there was a song from victorious or something called "freak the freak out" and i was sooo appalled (although i think i assumed it wasn't "freak the fuck out" but "fuck the fuck out" lol)

BUT, i can't attribute all of this to analytical tween me. i remember some teachers (religious private school) would be even stricter about it. I used to say "What the...!" because comics etc said that. I got in trouble for it once because a lot of bad words could follow that sentence. even when it was ok to say "what the heck" so. what the heck.

and some teachers wouldn't let you say "oh my gosh" because that was basically the same as "oh my god." even i thought that was stupid, because none of us ever prayed to Gosh. wtf

and in retrospect as an adult, i still don't really get the enforcement of censorship around the word God. because i honestly believe that most people think that's god's given name. Like God came into existence and was like "I AM GOD" the same way god might have said "CALL ME ISHMAEL" . so the commandment to not take the name of the lord your god in vain is "don't swear with 'god' because it's really rude to me, Mr. God, esquire"

in christianity we learned about all the different names of god, some being titles, some being actual names, so we knew that wasn't god's only name. but the way it's capitalized everywhere like a name... lol........

after leaving the religion, i did start using "jesus" as a swear which defeats this, because if god was god's given name, i would use that as a swear too. i know that might seem like "ohh im still being controlled by christianity, it's still present in my life" but like yeah it is. so being able to use those words casually is still big dick energy to me

in judaism btw people do censor "g-d" sometimes - my temple never does that, but i do it online as "gd" sometimes if im writing something specifically As A Jew About Judaism because i don't want to sound two-faced to someone who DOES believe in censoring "g-d." but even then, i never heard it as it being God's Real Name. just that the Name is censored for its holiness, but then the word referring to the name gets censored and people use another term even vaguer, and so on over the millennia. i really do believe that in another hundred years, people might start censoring hashem for the same reason

[rotationalsymmetry]

I went off about NVC in the tags, but the approach I have found the most useful personally is the "five secrets of effective communication" from Feeling Good and similar works by David Burns.

1. Disarming -- this is specifically for dealing with criticism/perceived hostility. You find a thing in what the other person said (or what you think they meant) that you can honest agree with and agree with it. Eg "you're so insensitive" can be taken as "you're a bad person", but chances are what the person actually means is "I think you don't understand me and maybe aren't trying to understand me" or "hey I keep telling you I don't like it when you leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway but you keep doing it so it seems to me like you don't care about me" and it's possible to just agree with that meaning. "Maybe I am missing something important here." "I probably could be more sensitive." Etc. People tend to prefer to go on the attack when they aren't sure that vulnerability will be well received, so responding non-defensively to an attack indicates that it is safe to be vulnerable and makes it more likely to get the "I feel sad/lonely/upset" sorts of statements instead of the "you jerk" sorts of statements.

2. Thought and feeling empathy: saying back what the other person said in your own words (paraphrasing) and naming the emotions you think they're feeling. "Are you angry?" (Said neutrally/curiously) or "it sounds like you might feel very sad and hurt lor whatever. Ime people tend to be very resistant to paraphrasing but it makes a huge difference for conflict resolution when people actually do it. It's really important with this step to let the other person correct you if you got it wrong. (Btw "empathy" here doesn't have anything to do with automatically feeling another person's emotions. It has to do with taking your best guess at their thoughts and feelings, based on whatever combination of their words and their nonverbal communication you're able to make sense of.)

3. Inquiry: asking/inviting the other person to say more about what they are thinking and feeling. "Please tell me more." "I'm not sure I understood that, would you mind phrasing it a different way?"

4. I statements (see above!) This is number four on the list but actually often it's best to start with an I feel statement, like "I'm surprised to hear you say that" or "I feel disappointed/hurt/whatever that what I tried to do didn't work out." I statements can range from super vulnerable "I'd normally never say this to anyone" statements, to completely routine social scripts, like "sorry for your loss" or "I'll miss you" or "it's so good to see you."

5. Stroking. Personally I think this is the worst possible term for this as it sounds vaguely dirty, but it's basically just kind/affectionate/positive statements. "You're important to me." "I think we can get through this together." A lot of fairly meaningless customer service-y buzzwords are this sort of thing: "your privacy is important to us", "we value our customers", etc. They do it because people do tend to feel mollified when they hear that kind of thing, not always, but it tends to help and rarely makes things worse.

i think one of the most misunderstood and misused "therapy speak" things is I Statements.

I Statements aren't just about starting with "I feel...." they are about identifying, specifically, the emotions you're dealing with, and acknowledging your subjective experience instead of making objective claims about the other person that you can't possibly know.

"i feel like you hate me" is not an I statement. "you hate me" is not an emotion. "i feel insecure in our relationship" or "i feel vulnerable," or even "i'd like affirmation," those are I Statements. you can't just slap "i feel" before an accusatory sentence and call it good. you need to actually pay attention to the spirit of the idea too.

[xuseokgyu]

Oh I have heard things about Going Seventeen. Maybe once I listen to a bit more of their music, I then like to watch dance practices and stages, and THEN I'll give the reality show a go. Thank you for the recommendation though, and the song recs are definitely going on my listen to later list.

It's really interesting how our various biases feel different to us and sort of serve a different purpose, if you will. I don't want to give myself away so I'm going to be purposefully vague here, but one of my Ateez biases is so unbelievably attractive to me, mostly physically but also some major parts of his personality too, so I guess he's what you could call my type although i never really thought I had one hahaha. And another bias I feel like he's literally me, because we're so similar in many ways, but I also feel the need to protect him as well, and perhaps it's because I feel that strong connection to him.

Ah, so Wooyoung has joined the bias line officially then? What about your logbook series, you're going to have to add him to that too 🤣🤣 I agree, he really is the definition of a bias wrecker. If you were ever to change your url to a combination of your Ateez biases instead, it would be so long hahahha woohwayungi maybe?

I think I'm starting to get some ideas for what to make you. I really want it to be something you'll love so I'm putting a lot of thought into it. If you had to choose a favorite era for all four of your boys, what would you pick? Is there any particular styling you like on them? Or a favorite hair style/colour? No detail is too insignificant!

Let me know what you think of the songs! 🥰 What are some of your favorites from atz??

I’ll continue under a read more cause…. This got long hahahahahah

Yeah.. Wooyoung is officially there, he has his tag and is mentioned on the pinned post BUT he is slightly under the three og ones (at least for now…); When I had my “click” moment of realizing and accepting he was a bias as well I did stop think about what I was going to do with the logbook series hahah But for now I decided to keep it just with the tall line… Wooyoung already has a lot of content (Hwa too but 🤫). Maybe in some where he has a way too iconic scene I’ll add it as a bonus hahahah

Ooohhh good question! With svt I made sure to use the first, second and third syllable of each of their names, but I with four biases that wouldn’t work hahahahah I guess to follow the same logic I can start the url with “Jeong” to represent both Yunho and Wooyoung since in hangul they do have the same surname (and I’ll go with Yunho’s romanization since he was here first hahah).. so the url would either be jeongseonggi or jeongminhwa 😂😂

I technically also have to redo my header and add baby Woo… but I lost the original file and right now I’m being lazy 😗✌️ hahahah

And AAHH you are getting me excited for my gift!! Hahah I’m also really excited to learn who you are!!!!

So for the looks and eras…. I’ll try to be concise; I’ll give two hairtyles/two eras for each hahaha (btw this reminds me of Jazzy’s little Christmas project in which I absolutely clogged the tags of the post with some of my favorite looks of only TWO biases btw and then later saw that everyone was going for one specific thing… 🙃 guess I got carried away, I just wanted to give her options!! I hope I didn’t make her feel like she had to use it all hahaha)

• So for Hwa… Pink Hwa of course and whenever he has the ashy/grey blond hair… So Wave and Fever Part 1 eras 😘👌 (no matter the color, I feel like the best styling for him is the under cut) and I have to mention the MOST PERFECT THING I’VE EVER SEEN: The look with the cropped suit for the A to Z album...    •  For Yunho his Ethernal Sunshine/Fever Epilogue blonde hair give me major golden retriever vibes so... yeah hehehe and his styling for Immitation (which I guess is pretty basic so is also the styling for various eras but like) major boyfriend vibes. Honorable mention to Rhytm Ta Yunho <3 •  So, picture this, I started biasing Mingi when he was still on hiatus based on “old” content, so for the longest time the standard image I had of him was his red hair, ginger Mingi holds a very special place in my heart; Then he came back full power with the grey hair!! Which for me had its peak performance during the Fever Epilogue era (wolf Mingi 🫶) as you can see Fever Epilogue was a VERY GOOD comeback for me, it is also my favorite album overall Honorable mention: whenever he wears glasses •  And finally Woo! One word: THANXX!!! give me the bandanas and the ponytail!! YAS and OF COURSE Oreo Woo (or as I like to call it: Raccoon Woo)... Kingdom last half, AOTM... this look was superior in so many ways (I also have a post about my favorite looks of his so...)

[dausy]

This is my weekend post I was too lazy to post about until today. Ill start it with a quick drawing I did in procreate. I can't draw while out of the house. Its just not my safespace but heres a drawing just to keep my blog somewhat art themed.

So I lived in Savannah all during my entirety of my social media hiatus. Quit doing art at that time. Now I kinda regret it. But since I've been away for 3ish years..omg I'm so jealous everything has grown sooo muuuch. So I get adverts all the time for the brand Vuori and last year maybe? we drove to Montgomery Al to explore since we live vaguely close and I had no idea that Vuori sold in real life locations and there they were at this one shop in Montgomery! I thought that was just some sort of internet brand (very expensive too btw) but I love the few items I got from there and I had been thinking about buying some of the same items but in different colors. Since I knew I was going to visit Savannah I had small hopes that maybe it was a bougie enough town to maybe have a boutique that also sold Vuori...sounded like that was too specific too happen. Thought maybe I'd drag by husband around river street while he complained I was taking too long looking for a specific brand that I'd never find..I also kinda wanted to try the OnCloud brand shoes too..I thought Onclouds would be more readily available for shopping purposes..anywho, we go to see a movie and afterwards since we were in the area my hubby was like "oh I wanna show you this store at the tanger outlets I saw the last time I was here" and lobehold!!! it was a store that sold both Vuori and Onclouds..in one store..I just about died..I don't want to tell you how much money I spent on 2 pairs of shorts, pants and a pair of shoes. Then we ran over to hottopic so I can buy another lougefly I dont need.

movie we saw btw was the Buzz Lightyear movie and I absolutely loved it. It was a great movie.

Then the next day we went and had brunch at the cutest little french inspired place called The Emporium. I'd never been before but I loved it.

Then we went to the art stores. Also hit up a super kroger which I miss tremendously and wish I had one nearby. I bought so much junk food to bring back with me. I am a bloated sugar bomb right now.

I did go check out the Sailor Moon Vans but didn't actually buy any.

Then we visited St Augustine Florida. We've gone on many trips where we were like "oh we should have brought the dog" and this time I was adamant we brought the dog. This was probably the time I really shouldn't have brought the dog. I was asking for parking tips on facebook because I get anxious about trying to find parking in new places and the local facebook let me have it about being a bad pet owner and taking my dog to walk on the beach when its hot outside. I ignored the haters because my dog has booties and a backpack! but it did shake me up 8( ngl. I did feel horrible for her. It was really hot outside but it wasn't the heat that got to her it was the fact that we went to the pirate museum and they had pretend canon fire and just within the past 2 years my dogs decided loud noises were going to scare her. The fake canon fire absolutely freaked her out. She didn't do anything, she just looked petrified the rest of the day. So we cut our day short. We did get to go on a tour which she looked like she had fun and we walked around the fort. But as soon as we did that one museum, any noise had her shaking and glued unable to move. Wasn't anticipating that. So anyway..it was overall a fairly good weekend.

[violentviolette]

hey there, asking for a friend, how do I decide if "brain no vibey with body" is cuz of my:

•ptsd fun from s- assults

•dissociation

•gender dysphoria

•ed (I don't even know how it works now that I realised I'm like some vaguely masculine eldritch creature)

Like, I know its probably a mix usually, and there are more options, but like I'm 20, I'm just so tired, and like any tips? ;-;

I hope you're having a lovely day btw <3

I think my answer to that would be, why is it important to figure out? like, most things are a combo of other feelings and figuring out which specific thing is the root of the feeling isn't always actually that helpful, at least in my experience

like, reguardless of which of those things is causing that disconnect from ur body and sense of self, how u make peace with that is gonna depend much more on ur overall feelings and much less on what specific factor is the root u know?

also ed's def just dont go away once u realize ur not a woman. ive known cis men, trans mascs and nb ppl who have eds and those feelings do just continue on even if they warp a little to fit ur new understanding of ur gender, so it really is gonna work p much the same

as for tips, ive seen most people fall into either of two kinds of circles for the most part depending on what is more helpful to them personally.

the first is embracing the disconnect. u dont have to love ur body or even feel like its urs, be an eldrich abomination if thats what brings u peace. the important thing is caring for the body ur inhabiting because its whats keeping u connected to this world and this reality. some people look at it like a pet their caring for, u feed it and bathe it and make sure its getting enough sleep and sunlight and proper enrichment to thrive, and call it a day. others view it as a machine theyre using to navigate thru this world, and keep up with its proper mateniance and needs as required to keep using it.

the other route is more what I did and what was helpful for me which is to work on reintegrating ur sense of self. working towards viewing ur body as a real part of u and looking at urself as a whole being instead of pieces. for me, im not just a brain piloting a meat suit. all of this is me. its okay to want certain aspects of myself to be different, I change parts of my personality all the time to better fit the image of myself that I want, and my body is no different. because it is me I have full control and agency over it. if I want my hair to be shorter I can do that. if my image of myself is most comfortable with fangs, I'll wear fangs. for me part of my dysmorphia is piercings. in my internal sense of self my face is full of metal, so im slowly working my way towards that goal. taking the time to make my outside self match my internal self, while still being kind to myself about the fact that that takes time. no one is their most authentic self right out the gate. in the same way it takes time and care to get a flower to bloom, it will take time and care to get my body to do the same.

also, its okay for ur feelings to shift and change over time and to adjust ur coping mechanisms accordingly. when I was younger and my sense of self was weaker, it helped a lot for me to use that first technique. I didn't love my body and it didn't feel like mine, so i didn't force myself to love it. I just accepted that I was living in it and called it a day. as I got older and worked more on being comfortable with myself, it just naturally got easier to view my body as me and be comfortable in it

imo the most important thing in conversations about our bodies is compassion. have compassion for urself and ur body. get used to treating it kindly because all living things deserve kindness. forgive it for the ways it isn't what u want right now, and accept that nothing will ever be perfect, including ur body, and learn to find the things about it that *do* bring u joy and happiness because those will always exist

[ancient-mystical-features]

the mess of a series (e-journal season 4)

February 17, 2022

vague

I guess I'm kind of upset that after so many months of not doing this and going back, I end up feeling unsatisfied and a bit frustrated with how things turned out. When I finally had the time and everything to get back on track on this (non-academic/non-org related) thing I love, I had to face the same frustrations I had then. Maybe because I couldn't connect well with the material, or that I was very new to it. I'll just regain back so much energy that got drained out of me and hopefully tomorrow I'll have the courage to try again.

🌌

February 20, 2022

My legs are wrecked and I am in so much pain.

My sister and brother in law will be going back to Manila next week after staying in Bicol for almost two years now (they were working/living in Manila a couple years prior to the pandemic and visits every now and then if it wasn't us who would visit them). My other sister suggested that we could have a little get together before they go. We went to Daet, where my other brother-in-law (different from the one mentioned before; I have three older sisters), and went swimming to a local beach, because they lived only a short walk away from it. It wasn't a resort or anything so we were pretty much the only ones there. We went back and forth to the beach and their pool and we had lots of fun. As we were coming back home, it got colder and colder in the van and I had to curl up my body and legs to fit on the hoodie-blanket I was wearing. I fell asleep and when they woke me up for dinner at a bulaluhan (wonderful bulalo btw), I had so much pain that I could barely even walk. I have joint or leg issues that I can't explain and isn't diagnosed because my family doesn't take it seriously but it comes back every few weeks and sometimes it gets so bad that walking would be difficult. I've been so used with pain on my legs but this was so much worse and walking was close to impossible (but I still chose to walk so I didn't have to bother anyone). I was ok as long as I was at a specific position that wasn't standing or walking. I have a 7:30AM class tomorrow and a mock job interview as a semi-major subject requirement at 9.

🌌

February 21, 2022

🕳️

I woke up with no feelings in my legs. My vision goes blurry. They had to call the ambulance and rush me to the hospital. char I actually woke up with my body and legs feeling much better. It went back with a less severe intensity this afternoon though. I got quite busy today with meetings after meetings and that's probably what it's gonna be like for the entire week. We're managing well with our Culminating Activity and things are going well. During our meeting for ASCO, I realized how quickly things are going. It's almost March. And to quote Veronica Sawyer from the Off-Broadway Heathers Musical: "College will be paradise if I'm not dead by June!"

🌌

March 10, 2022

fever dream

I dreamed that I was dead. That wasn't the dreadful part. I had to watch my family and I could not interact nor talk to them, nor did they even know I was with them. I do not fear my own death anymore, though the thought of death of people close to me is unimaginable. I fear for the pain I'll forever feel because of the loss that comes with death. I guess these occasional dreams remind me to keep them close every time I forget. And it has been a very long time and I seem to have forgotten.

🌌

March 18, 2022

Last night I couldn't tell if I was dying or if I had wanted to die.

I've had one of the worst nights last night. I don't wanna go into detail but I've never puked as much as I did. I felt extremely car sick and I wasn't even in a car. I tried sleeping at around 10PM, and to say I struggled would be an understatement. I closed my eyes and it felt like forever. I just wanted to sleep it all away. During this attempt, my body felt extremely warm (internally) and the fan was in front of me. I wanted to direct the fan on a different direction but I didn't wanna open my eyes and get up in case I was getting closer to being asleep and finally not feeling anything. I woke up multiple times that night with so much discomfort.

Right now things aren't as bad but I'm stuck in the nausea-fever-sleep cycle. I've been sleeping all day to get away from it though I fear that tonight with how much I've slept in the day, I'll have a hard time again.

🌌

March 19, 2022

binat

I was feeling much better today so I started to get back on track by working on the video for our Culminating Activity as a speaker. I prepared the outline and felt as if I was going back to my feverish state so after lunch, I had a nap until around 3PM and a paracetamol just in case. I was able to film everything and it was exhausting having to talk for a little more than an hour for a 15-20 minute talk which I am currently editing. I was talking about something I was very passionate about though, so it made some things easier. It was very exhausting still, nonetheless.

🌌

March 22, 2022

6

Since Saturday, seems like I've been editing for six hours total. I'm also running out of storage lmao. It's turning out well though.

🌌

March 23, 2022

cleaning

releasing some endorphins

Those six hours of editing and an hour of filming may have been for nothing. I might or might not write more about this tonight.

🌌

March 24, 2022

compromise

Instead of having to reshoot the entire 20-minute from scratch (yes the one I spent an hour filming and six more hours editing almost for nothing because I was wearing an off-shouldered top and because a portion of my shoulders are so provocative and so distracting and definitely matters more than the content and work I put into it that they won't be able to use the video), we came up with a bit of a compromise. We'll be adding more clips, not mine, and that I only had to reshoot a portion of the video. So we compromised the quality and authenticity of the video because of the dress code (and what I was wearing wasn't even in the dress code tarpaulin I'd see on-campus and on the handbook). Maybe I'll just post the video in another platform instead of this one. Yesterday, I released some endorphins. Today, I reshot a bit of the video.

🌌

March 26, 2022

.

Tonight was hell.

🌌

March 27, 2022

still hell

I can't imagine myself living with that with myself and needing to go back to class since my excuse is probably not valid enough.

🌌

March 28, 2022

3AM

I'm very forgetful so I use writing as a tool to remember. I use writing to look back. But would I want to remember this? Would I want to look back on it? Or would it be best forgotten?

🌌

March 29, 2022

meh

I'm okay I guess

[lacrimalis]

oh my GOD yeah... dude i think ratau is? the last piece of the puzzle?!! the lighthouse keeper went out at night (and why, btw? if the water's edge at night is a Known Danger, and she's the savvy lighthouse keeper, why brave the dark? surely there was a reason? a midnight tryst, perhaps...?! or maybe just a meeting of leaders from different cults? anyway). she got eaten. ratoo tried to save her but got his heart eaten. and ratau WITNESSED it, maybe saved ratoo from getting completely killed, and THAT'S why ratau calls the Fox a murderer, and why the Fox wants Ratau!!!

and then god, i can already see it. like. ratau wants to shelter ratoo, so he doesnt tell him? or he DOES try to tell him what happened, but ratoo won't listen—the trauma of that injury and loss messes him up, sticks to him, and all he can think about is how to undo it... he keeps wandering off... they drift apart. 😢 incidentally, you can't resurrect followers who are sacrificed to other entities (Midas, Fox), so uh, undigesting someone is probably outside Narinder's wheelhouse. which MEANS you've gotta resort to even more fucked up and taboo methods, outSIDE even the scope of Death: accursed flesh constructs, heart homunculi, whatever.

as for WHAT the Fox is, I'm not entirely sure... but I think it might be part of Narinder? not that it's just a finger puppet (although its shroud lends itself well to that interpretation), but that the Fox split off from them at some point, and they share a sort of symbiosis, and the Fox is an agent that serves their interests outside the realm in which Narinder is trapped.

it's kiiiind of like sharing hearts with someone, or the Nobody/Heartless relationship in Kingdom Hearts? or the way Naraku made Kikyo and Kana from his own flesh, but they're independent. but also how Edward Elric is short and hungry and sleepy all the time because his body is sharing sustenance with Alphonse's body across the gate. (hopefully you got at least one of those references lol)

which is a lot of vague comparison to say I'm not entirely sure but it's fucked up, huh

I mean, the cross on the Fox's forehead kind of looks like a third eye—albeit wounded, not unlike Ratoo and Ratau's. Narinder and the fox are the same damn color. and kinda wolfy? when i saw the follower form Narinder takes, it just CLICKED i was like oh these bitches the same. Narinder has alternate dialogue if you complete the fox quests. about how you succeeded where ratau failed. IT JUST FITS.

(maybe if ratau and ratoo were thinking of converting to lighthouse worship... the fox was there specifically to crash the party and punish them for that betrayal... IF the fox is part of/working for Narinder, which I'm not even 100% on tbh. could just be some nebulous magic predator!)

and i couldnt find a good place up there to put this lol, but as you mentioned, an axolotl is probably our best educated guess for the lighthouse keeper—but I'd be interested in seeing depictions/interpretations of any species. honestly, I kind of like that we don't know what she was, because in my pattern finding brain it feels thematically resonant with the fact that ratoo doesn't fucking remember lmao

like, who was my beloved? a giant, spooky red fox? hmmm, sounds suspicious, but i don't know enough about my beloved to dispute it!

OH YEAH LISTEN!

Ratoo (taller than Ratau, with longer ears, and a black pointed hat with a heart sigil—different from Ratau's paper hat with a triangle) claims he lost his heart and/or his love to the deep...

and what happens if you peer into deep water at night?

now I'm not saying THIS CHARACTER is Ratoo's lost love... in fact, I think his love might be the erstwhile lighthouse keeper who ventured too close to the water one evening—that's the only other missing character we hear about, and both the lighthouse acolyte and ratoo refer to their missing people as "she"—BUT!

Ratoo says he doesn't remember what his love looks like. and this sinister character, the nameless One Who Peers Into the Darkness... well, i think it would amuse them to pretend to be Ratoo's lost love >:)

also this creature WILL accept half a heart rather than two followers at the third stage of their quest. so i mean...

known heart eater over here with guy whose heart was eaten? i call shenanigans

[mynameisnowwyrm]

These are my own tags on a post but I want to signal boost this.

I am what I think people who know me in real life would call slow. I can't run for shit and generally take a longer time than other people to do basic shit like washing dishes.

I also have a really hard time telling when people are joking when they don't change the inflection of their voice or make it really clear they're joking. I mean sometimes it all depends on circumstances or if I know the person saying something then i'm fine, but it's still not that easy.

I also don't always immediately react to certain things, or if someone says or asks something I should (and do) know, but phrases it in a way I'm not used to hearing my mind is completely blank, like my mother could ask me "go get my sandals please" I understand the word sandals I know what they are but my mind hasn't associated the word sandals with the specific pair of shoes she's talking about so for I while I'm just stood there like "what the fuck am I supposed to do now?". Other times in school it's like if "this question from this handbook or worksheet is phrased vaguely or differently from our other handbook, I don't get it what the fuck is going on" and I'm in that teacher's class I just try and work it out to the best of my ability, or write a bunch of shit and hope some of it's right for fear of asking and being yelled at for not understanding because this obviously means this you idiot it's so easy how do you not see this.

Or when you're together with a group of people you grew up with and/or spend a reasonable amount of time with and someone says something or gives instructions and everyone but you immediately knows what's up. Like everyone was at this training semenar over the weekend and forgot to tell you about it.

Or with so many of those "reasons" given for stuff that make absolutely no sense whatsoever (one example: where I'm from a sort of an unwritten rule that no one, aside from dipshits, cares about is that you can't stand with your hands in your pockets because it's disrespectful. How is this disrespectful? Why? Have you thought about the fact that it's winter and my hands are freezing?) yet everyone else goes along with it like it's so obvious. No, it's not that obvious, it makes no sense but you seem to understand it so perfectly why don't you explain it to me. What do you mean you won't explain it to me? I'm not talking back at you I want to know please explain it to me. I am not sassing you. What the fuck is up with your brain I don't understand the thing you so clearly do stop being a bitch playing keep away with social knowledge I'm not privy to.

Sometimes it feels like the way other people see the world is through this blue + cabbage = curtain rod logic. It makes no sense to me. I don't understand, please stop punishing me for it

This brings me to those above pictured tags. The society we live in is so fragile that people feel the need to snap at others for questioning things like it's gonna make the world explode whether it be "why should I clean my room" or "why are some things only viewed in black and white with no nuance".

(btw the answer to the first one is because if it's dirty it could trigger your allergies or bring a bunch of germs or ants to your room which is ultimately bad for your health i.e. it'll make you sick and if it's untidy you will have a harder time finding things or you'll lose things easily and generally being in an unorganized room for long enough time will make anyone feel disoriented and that is not a fun feeling. I never in my life got this or any answer other than "just do it" when I asked, I would have appreciated the explanation.)

[diviinedogs]

❣️hoi, what was art school like? I'm planning to go myself (and my family is pretty passively aggressively turning me down), but I just want to know what skills do you learn? What is the experience? Thank u for your time! Ur blog and art are amazing btw

hI I think it really depends on the school but I can give like the idea of two of them since I went to another school for precollege to see if it was something I’d be interested in majoring in! C./C/A and I went to Ri/.ngli./.ng and my parents are actually letting me go back to school now so hopefully I’ll be back there in Fall c’: also thank you for liking my stuff!

this ask is gonna long because I know I’m gonna ramble so I’m gonna call the schools C and R so I don’t have to do the slashes all the time! C’s experience was a specific  1-2 month course so it’s nothing like actual college at R so feel free to skip down to it, I just thought it was important to add since it was my first experience at an art school

and after I talk about the schools I’ll say what stuff’s good to include in your portfolio, of course this is based on my experience but for the most part it helps in what you should try strengthening 

I did animation at C, which was 2D in the morning and 3D in the afternoon. I did precollege the summer before my senior year cuz it’s like the college experience before college so you do get the feel of how it is being on your own, and I wanted to see if I was good enough to pursue something art related. At this point, my parents were on the fence about the idea, so it would help them too. And C’s in California, so I had a bunch of relatives who could show me around and who I could stay with during the weekends

experience wise, the teachers and TAs I had were really nice, so in 2D it was stuff like learning Principles of Animation and the first thing we did was a flipbook animation I think? and then it went to looking at scenes from movies for inbetweens and character sheets and we all worked together reanimating a quick scene from a movie. In the end, we all chose a really short scene from an animated movie to study and reanimate for our final

while in 3D, it was just learning around Maya and doing animation exercises each day with it, eventually working your way up to a mini film (nothing’s completely rendered though! just models), other than that it was pretty much the same as 2D

so basically, I learned the basics and they were really helpful, but to be honest I felt a bit lost with how free it was, you basically had to learn everything on your own with the teachers just checking your work. I was really good at 3D but it... wasn’t fun for me lol so I decided that after this I’d want to stay in the 2D realm of things

now for R! My parents were worried about the starving artist myth and all that, so they would absolutely not let me do Illustration even though that’s what I really wanted, so I chose Game Design and I was like hey I’ll deal with it or like maybe I’ll like it. If not, I could always try convincing my parents to let me switch my major. 

the way things work at R is that all the majors are put into categories, so Computer Animation, Game Art, and Illustration are all the Media Arts majors. All Freshman take basically the same type of classes and things start breaking off around the second semester of freshman year. Eventually you like see no one outside your major lol

and lET ME TELL YOU........ R HAS A VERY HEAVY WORK LOAD, so you gotta be prepared for that. I think just about all art schools are like this, but R’s very strict on it.  Manage your time wisely, there’s a lot of times I’ve seen people pull all nighters just to finish all their assignments. I was really bad at managing my time too, so when I go back I need to be more strict on myself. It’s better to do things early and relax than relax until last minute and have anxiety hell. Not many of the teachers are about how much homework you have in other classes. Also, it’s good to not do things last minute because then you can relax earlier and scanners and place you go to take photos aren’t crowded.

and trust me, your teachers will know if you did something last minute, and they can tell whether effort was put into something or not. 

Now for classes, I’ll talk about just freshman year since that’s probably what’s most helpful to you right now and since I was made to drop out by my parents I’ll probably be repeating like the second semester of that rip.... anywAY

so, R starts you with foundation, so figures classes, 2D design, drawing (this one’s perspective! so important but rip everyone forgets everything after that semester so I should probably start studying perspective again)

the figure classes at R are sO GOOD............ you improve a lot with those, a few weeks into it I was thinking about the figures I had in my portfolio and was just like...... fuck these are so shitty how the hell did the school accept me.... of course the experience depends on the teacher, but I loved my figure drawing teacher he was really cool and good. He did demos at some point every class to where we would all just hover over his shoulder and watch him draw while he explained what he was doing. You i

2D design I hated because like...... abstract... it’s supposed to help you work with compositions and such but I really don’t understand abstract and execute it properly so that was a really difficult class for me 

drawing class is just doing still life and perspective exercises, you don’t really get to the fun part till second semester, I forget the other exercises but I remember that towards the end there was one where you designed a car (like a fun spin on it like.... I think mine was a firefly styled car? yeAH)

other classes were Film & Narrative (so studying films, it was cool) and Writing Studio, which is just like a writing class, they don’t really apply to skills/experience in art so I’ll skip over those

second semester, you still have Figure Drawing, but there’s more of a focus on stuff and you get to draw animals too (sadly no, no real animals come into the classroom. You work off of projections and then there’s a field trip to a big cat sanctuary)

drawing II gets fun because you finally get to use photoshop for your still life and assignments, the assignments get more fun like the Tro/./.ja./n Ho//rs/e assignment. Like you could either do the actual one or draw a similar scenario, I’m totally blanking out on what I did but one of the examples was like a giant wooden mouse with cheese and in the back were cats watching the actual mice. Anyway, it had even more of a focus on compositions and colors. 

Another assignment was designing a character’s room. It could be any character, but you couldn’t have anything that gave away their name. People had to be able to guess who the room belonged to just by looking at it. Sounds hard, but fun. If the character you chose had like a specific style from the concept art of where they’re from you’re free to use that too! I did Kida from Atlantis and one of my friends did Greg Universe’s room, so she got to imitate SU’s background style which was cool to see!

3/D desi/gn was............. super difficult to me, I almost failed that class >w>;;;; because it was woodshop type stuff and polymer clay depending on what you wanted. However, every assignment you did would lead up to the grunt assignment, which was like, you had three designs of things that would be possible grunt level monsters, and you essentially pitch a game idea to the class and they pick the best. SO again, modeling especially with actual clay is hard for me but it was a great experience when it came to designing and stuff. There’s more but I don’t want to get into all the assignments

3/.D design differs based on what major you’re in, and you only get it if you’re doing one of the Media Arts majors, but I’m pretty sure for the most part they’re the same?

if you major in Game Art or Animation, then you also take traditional animation, which was really fun but tbh...... I only knew how to do animation because of me being at precollege at C and then like learning stuff on my own, you were really left alone a lot, which is the same for some of the other classes. They’ll help you if you ask, but if you don’t then you can’t really get helpful feedback. Again, it depends on the teacher. The one I had was really nice and I frequently went to her for help.

so despite how some assignments/classes were hard for me, I really loved R and I’m excited at my parents giving me the option to go back, I just need to do a portfolio again >w>;;;; R’s a really good school with a lot of great resources. All of my issues came from problems with people (not teachers just other students) there and I’m not gonna get into those cuz personal lol

OKAY SO for portfolio tips

still life

figURES

ANIMALS, it makes you have a better understanding of anatomy and stuff

try to have a mix of media in there, like I mainly do digital but still have some traditional stuff to show that you know how to use those

I would keep figures realistic and not stylized so they can see that you have an understanding of them

depends on the school I think, but R strictly says in their guidelines to not do fantasy stuff like unicorns and dragons

NO FAN ART.......  you can have it but you need to be really, really vague? if that makes sense, like people shouldn’t be able to tell it’s fan art

have what you’re applying for in your portfolio, so like depending on what you want I’d add concept art stylized stuff or character designs 

you gotta have your best work in there, like some people like having okay/bad work to show how much they improved but that’s a bad idea, if you don’t think something’s good don’t put it in for colleges to see