#btw I had problems with a part of this post because Tumblr eated part of the drafts

[faceglitchsworld]

Wookjin and curls? Seriously?

Author's note: since for many of you this might be the first time ever you'll read something about The Floof I highly recommend to check this masterlist and read the other posts I made about it so you'll get an idea of what I'm going to say here. If you don't, well, long story short, I'm just talking about curly haircuts so my opinion is not objective like no. If I mentioned other idols I just used them as examples, not for comparisons or other stuff. The analysis are inspired by Michaela Diana's works on Instagram. The pics are taken from OnlyOneOf's official accounts, no fantaken pics.

This post is dedicated to...me, myself and I. It's my birthday...and this is my self-made present. Yeah

Hello everyone, welcome back into these posts were I talk about my favourite haircut ever, the curly/perm hair also known as The Floof here.

This time we're going to talk about my ults of all ults in OnlyOneOf. I'm not kidding, he's literally the member who stood out to me since the exact moment I started searching OOO pics.

Sooooo

My dear readers, I present to you...

Jung Wookjin!

Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary pals I swear that I struggled a lot while searching the pics... Please don't go crazy while watching them. He's beautiful, I know, I know. But have some demeanour, please 👉👈

Oh Wookjin, beloved, my Fuji Kaze fanboy and full time kisser. Now, since I love him with my entire heart of course I can't think about him with The Floof. It's obvious.

But can he actually have The Floof? Like really have it, can he have it? Well, let's find out then.

Calm down everyone, calm down, just focus on the face pls

Ok, I must admit that this man over here made my analysis very difficult. And no, it's not just because he's flirty every single time in every single photo, I'm saying the truth.

But still, here's what I think about his pretty pretty face. So, his face shape seems to be heart/slightly oval shaped, which is perfect for The Floof. Must admit, the chin caught me a little off guard. I really thought that he had a sharp jawline but... it's not? I think it's slightly blunt, which is a very good feature for The Floof.

His eyes are monolid, which are another good feature, even tho I think they're a bit little/downturned. About the full cheeks...maybe it's the makeup that is tricking me but it seems he has full cheeks too. Not too much full tho.

Soooo, it's seems that, despite some little details, Wookjin has the perfect shape for The Floof.

Let's celebrate everyone!

Ok, now that we figured out that he has a perfect shape for The Floof, we should choose what is the perfect haircut and hair colour. Must admit, I'm a little nervous with this part of the post. I'm gonna be honest with you, Wookjin seems to be that one idol who can experiment with almost every haircut for me. There have been moments where I even imagined him with long hair for example, and he looked perfect in my eyes. But maybe is my unconditional love for him who's speaking right now 🤭🫣

Alright, let's start searching the perfect haircut for floofy Wookjin by using the power of imagination and some pics as examples.

Let's start with a short haircut.

I know, I know, not all the pics are floofy enough, my bad. But now you understand what short cut means to me here. Again, don't go crazy please.

As you notice here, short hair is probably one of the best haircuts for him. But what happens when you adds The Floof on it? Well, for me, he turns into a beautiful creature BUT, as always, I need to clarify some things.

If you're new here, probably you don't know that I have a pet peeve regarding bangs and their lengths. Well, long story short, if the bangs are too much longer and they cover someone's eyes, I might dislike the haircut. There are exceptions of course, but this is not the case. If Wookjin is gonna have short, curly hair with bangs, then the bangs should have a good length and not almost cover his eyes. Or maybe he can have short hair and showing his forehead. I've noticed that the more time passes, the more he uses this haircut more soooo, maybe this one suits him better.

But what if we make his hair a little longer? Like the mullet he had during nolo era? :3

Isn't that haircut with straight hair? You're right, random user, but I need an example of what I'm talking about so, have nolo Nine.

Please don't go crazy pt. I don't know how many times I said it already at this point

Mind that this is not the only length he should have for me. He can even have a much more longer mullet for me, even a wolf cut. I don't know if he can have long, wavy hair tho. I'm trying to figure out how he might look but, I don't know, I always figure a weird image of him with long, curly/wavy hair (let me know if you have the same feeling or not, I'm curious).

Now that we figured out the haircut, you might wonder which kind of hair colour fits him best. Well, in my opinion he should try some colours but I noticed that he didn't changed that much during these years, which makes me wonder if he can't dye his hair because of his hair condition or just because 8D loves "torturing" two members' scalps especially and that's it.

So, since I don't know exactly how his hair can handle a long time hair dying, I think he should just stick to his natural hair colour/darker colours and using colored strands instead. So let me bring back the nolo era once again so you'll understand.

I don't know if you see the strands here, but there's some green shades here. And I love them so much. Also, I think that this is the most "innocent" photo you'll see here on this post 🤣

Now you wonder which colour fits perfectly for him...well, it depends.

If we want to be realistic then it's pretty obvious that he'll have colour with a dark shade on them such as carmine red, magenta, violet, gold maybe. These colours fit perfectly with OOOs recent cbs and concept in my opinion.

But if we play with imagination then, in my opinion, he should have soft pink or sky blue strands. Soft colours are his thing for him. Sure, OOOs should literally doing an entire turntable concept wise but I can dream after all.

And if he can dye his hair completely then, well, you don't even have to ask me. He should have sky blue hair. I can clearly see him being floofy and blue. My eyes are already having little hearts and I'm daydreaming 🥴

This photo has nothing to do with the post. I just wanted to put it here. I know, I know, he's a cutie lovey dovey here. It's my ult of the Ults after all, I'm used to him... actually I'm not

And that's it, we finally reached the end of this post, let me know if you agree with me or not or if you just started to like The Floof a little more. Have Floofy Nine as a reward too.

These are my screenshots...yeah I'm this dedicated. I've gone through every frame of the video. Every frame of him. Yup :]

Have a great day everyone and may The Floof be with you ❤️

[kikkiou887]

I have a terrible art block, and I have absolutely no idea when I'm getting rid of it, literally a minute ago (for the moment of writing ofc)I just drew something in 12 minutes as I was listening to some random vid which popped up by looking up "how to deal with art block" The last month was unbelievably hard

Tons of text and two "drawings" under the cut

There's also a good chance that the artblock will be gone in a week or so because every single time I decide to actually complain about something the problem evaporates, lowkey praying this will happen again

A really nice bonus:

Fem! Medic, entirely built on how I personally would design her, pretending to eat Archimedes. The funniest part is the way on a random day, in less than a week since my last drawing, I had this extremely vivid idea, I wrote it down and started working on it, it's been unfinished for a bit less than a month, only ≈two days ago could add some lineart to her clothes, the rest was drawn back in April

I'm planning to finish it as soon as I'm able to draw again, yet I'm only either forcing myself or drawing for 10 minutes and closing the app afterwards

Honestly, I have no idea how people who post art DO NOT ramble, it's my fav part of the post, sorry can't be dark and mysterious (｡-ω-)

Btw planning to start adding watermarks, not really for the art protection but for recognition, I sometimes find myself looking with sad eyes at a drawing I downloaded to my gallery off tumblr/twitter and they have no watermark whatsoever. Which means I'm probably never finding the author or spending an ungodly amount of time looking for it. That's the reason I decided it's time to start signing my art, too

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[your-ace-cousin-clover]

ahhhh hi sorry for the LATE response, life's been kinda wild lately

anyway, i'm really glad you liked the poem & i don't mind you sharing it :)

(plus, a new prompt sounds nice)

(&btw, richard siken's new book is gonna be called "blue jupiters" (as far as i know copper canyon press will publish it))

also, happy you liked the recs! i found it cool how you said "the way god chooses to escape from his own reality through someone who does not believe enough in him to question him at first"! couldn't have put it better myself.

(sorry if this ask seems all over the place, i just have to get somewhere and i'm gonna be mad late - but i really want to finally send a response)

i enjoyed your recommendations a lot so let me elaborate real quick-

the problem with travel:

right off the bat, same.

traveling does always make me feel like i'm starting a new chapter and i should act accordingly.

love "kill the kid stuff, start to act my numbers" - the choice of words you use when writing is so important. (thats why i cant judge anyone who spends a long ass time on thesaurus! sometimes writing really does feel like looking through a lost & found or fishing the right word out of a goodwill bin! flipping through a magazine in search for the right word to cut out and stick on your collage!) imagine how substantially different the poem would sound if limon had written "start to act my age" instead of "start to act my numbers"

"[...] - we’re small

and flawed, but I want to be

who I am, going where

I’m going, all over again."

this^ part kills me in a good way

accident report in the tall, tall weeds:

"my ex got hit by a bus"

gets right to the point. kinda like a short story? an immediate jump into action

i might've said this before but i like it when poems tell stories (i mean i guess they all do, in a way, but i specifically mean the ones that have clear characters? if that makes sense)

"No tampering with the great universal brake wires."

ahhh yeah - when you feel like a thought can cause real life consequences

"When the plane went down in San Francisco,

I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes.

He memorizes the wrecked metal details,

the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke.

Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes:

The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa.

How people go on, and how people don’t.

It was almost a year before I learned

that his brother was a pilot.

I can’t help it,

I love the way men love."

^ don't you love it when a poem beats your heart to a pulp?

"What I saw in the men who came before,

sometimes I don’t want to say this out loud,

was someone I could hold up to my ear

and hear the ocean, something I could say my name into,

and have it returned in the inky waves."

self recognition through the other! yeah! sometimes people are people and sometimes people are mirrors and i know this wasn't her point but aren't we all just saying "hey! this is how i feel! do you feel like that too?" and sometimes "language is complicated but i think you know exactly what i mean and i know what you mean too!" and "when our experience overlaps the cosmic alone-ness becomes bearable!"

shit i'd love to drop another rec but i REALLY have to go now! hope to hear from you soon

-cat

Well, lmao Cat now, I'm the one who's late in replying, but yeah, I've been really busy. Now, I've got a bit of a time to reply to your ask.

First of all, "Don't You Wonder, Sometimes?" by Tracy Smith is a really interesting poem especially centred around Bowie. I love how the poet makes Bowie into a mythical being, like a sort of a spirit rather than a mortal man.

"Not God, exactly. More like-

Some thin-hipped glittering Bowie-being"

I love how the poem takes in the spirit of Bowie as something that will keep living on -

"Saying nothing is lost, that everything lives on waiting only

To be wanted back badly enough?

Bowie will never die. Nothing will come for him in his sleep

Or charging through his veins. And he’ll never grow old,"

It's just a beautiful way to think of the artist living on despite their death. They live through those they have touched with their art as well as their art themselves.

"In which I’m forever a child looking out my window at the night sky

Thinking one day I’ll touch the world with bare hands

Even if it burns."

And I just simply love these lines ^^^ . I love the poem touches up on reincarnation. It's interesting as it mentions how people are reincarnated a few times and then, they go to the beyond.

"And how many lives

Before take-off, before we find ourselves

Beyond ourselves, all glam-glow, all twinkle and gold?"

And finally, I love how the deification fo Bowie continues making him into a cryptid? That's the best way I can describe it honestly.

"When a man his size can meet

Your eyes for just a blip of time

And send a thought like SHINE

SHINE SHINE SHINE SHINE

Straight to your mind. Bowie,

I want to believe you."

(I followed your style of picking up lines and talking about them - it's a pretty fun thing to do)

{Purple happens to be my fav colour so, yeah I annotated with purple}

And yeah, language is funky like that. Honestly, I love the fact that people swap art with each and it's like every though we're different, you go through the same emotions. No matter whatever niche emotion is, someone has already written about it! If they haven't, you can always write it!

This reminded of a favourite poem of mine (tw : homophobia and sort of death ? though) which reminds me of the awkwardness of telling people I'm queer / coming out to them. It's called Three A.M. by Jill McDonough.

Also, I've been reading some more stuff to rec them and to hear your thoughts on them. It's all food - themed because I really got into food poetry last week. And as I was talking to a lovely mutual about the intimacy of cooking food and feeding someone.

I'd highly rec the movie "Big Eden". It's a wonderful gay rom-com movie with no homophobia at all and a lot of intimate cooking and wanting to make sure that your crush is loved and taken care off.

But anyway -

Having a Coke with You by Frank O'Hara

Perhaps the World Ends Here by Joy Harjo

The Orange by Wendy Cope

For Grace, After A Party by Frank O'Hara

Eating Together by Li-Young Lee

And these two posts are where I got these poems from, so perhaps you could read the other ones in the list.

Food Poems 1

Food Poems 2

And also, you're into Succession! Yay!! Are you into Tomgreg? If you're not, that's chill. But, like more Tomgreg people the better. I'd love to hear your thoughts about the show too! :) And like I said before, I really enjoyed your Kendall edit! Did you get a chance to watch my Tomgreg edit? It's called Don't Blame Me, I put it on my Tumblr. (No pressure if you can't)

And I have to ask, because I forgot, what are your pronouns, Cat? I use she/they. I just wanted to ask what you want me to use while referring to you. And let me know if you wanna do another poetry writing swap again.

Anyway, that's it for now! Let me know what you think! I hope to hear from you soon :)

[sociallyintroverteddumbass]

The Toxic people in the HH Fandom

Now this is something I wanted to talk about.

I have been in this community for some time now and it has been the most eventful, yet exciting time of my years. Seeing a large group of fans support a passion project / show made by talented and independent people is pretty damn great and I love it. But, there have been some situations that had reeked some havoc here and I think it’s time we talked about some of them. 

Unfortunately, I could not fit everything I wanted to talk about in this post since it’s a bit overdue , I will be discussing 5 types of toxic people and some situations that had happened in the HH community. 

Note: Most of the stories I’m going to talk about were either made public or had been told by my friends or people who have experienced these situations. 

I will not reveal the names of the toxic individuals or their social media names as I don’t want anyone to witch-hunting any of these people. As much as I hate these types of people, it would be inhumane to go and attack them. In this community, we are trying to bring positivity to the fandom and not attract any drama here. Despite this, I will offer the details of what these individuals have done that should have some light dazzled to help and inform of these disgusting  crimes in the community. Also if you go out of your way to harass any of these people I will beat you up and eat your fingers. You know better then to do that.

1. Harassment

Harassment is no uncommon thing. It can happen to everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. If you are being harassed or spammed by someone, BLOCK THEM. It is never ok for you to stay silent, especially when that harassment is continuous. If you disagree with someone about something, do not go spamming them in their dms or comments, cause’ that just make you look stupid and immature af. 

Allow me to explain. Role-Play / Role-Players are seemingly the most common in the HH Fandom and often answer questions from others to the the character they are rp-ing as or their ocs. But sometimes they are going to get weird fucking questions.

For example, my good friend @carol1826​ is a roleplayer. She roleplays Charlie and asks / answers ask from others (HH related or not). One day, she had a very annoying anon asking her the question “Are you single?” on her posts and ask box. Of course, she was uncomfortable about that question and deleted those until the anon finally said:

“Dumb bitch deleting questions I was only asking a question...”  

“I bet the real Charlie would answer my questions...”

Ok, first of all what the actual fuck and what type of human being would ask someone that question, especially to a Charlie rp blog. More specifically, why would anyone ask a roleplayer that question. It disgusts me that this anon would do this and I hope they get what’s coming to them.

----       ------      ---    --------         ----------  --   ----------------   -----                   ------- Another example of this comes from Tumblr and DeviantArt. You see, a strange user (we will refer to as “the User”) has been asking artists (minors and adults) a specific request in the HH fandom:

“Draw Angel Dust’s butt looking like his fluffy chest” Or sometimes even these asks: “Draw Angel Dust swallowing bullets” ”Draw angel dust smuggling drugs up his butt” “Draw Alastor killing Pentious with a penance stare” “Can I get a shot of Pentious' eye on his hat?” But it seems that the User would often ask artists to draw Angel Dust with his butt out or doing weird shit, but mostly Angel Dust’s butt.

Of course, they would be constantly asking and spamming artists to do this, even if the artist didn’t want to. They even went as far as asking a 13 yr old artist to draw his request. The User has also admitted that it was a fetish (butt fetish to be specific), which is ok but that doesn’t excuse their actions. Fetishes are normal and I have nothing against anyone who has one but it is not ok to try and demand and spam someone to draw it if they don’t want to. The User has been also stealing art, not crediting artists, participating in art trades but never doing their part, begging or persuading for artists to give free art to them (despite some artists who only do commissions), making fake accounts and harassing /  impersonating people, acting racist, etc. I recommend any HH artist to block this user immediately if you get an ask from them.

If the artist doesn't want to draw your request, then you should leave them alone.

It is not ok to spam an artist’s askbox or DMs the same request they rejected over and over again. It’s not going to do any good for you if you do this.

Not only that,

The User also does this to HH roleplayers, sending really weird rp asks to them, mainly those who roleplay Angel Dust. In fact, there was one instance where they sent an ask to a Angel Dust roleplayer in which they basically raped Angel or asked very perverted question about their “Fluffy Butt” (the worst one is when they asked Angel rp-ers to swallow a rat and see if it comes out through the butt), along with other weird asks and it’s fucking disgusting / disturbing as this makes the User look like an extreme creep. It is not uncommon for these types of people to ask others to satisfy their fetishes or sexual desires, and will do whatever it takes to get that fetish / desire expressed from anyone (minors or adults) they can contact, even if it is illegal.

Unfortunately, this User has also ask artists these requests on DA as well, but way worse than you could ever imagine. The worst instance was where they’d ask various artists to draw a frog with worms up its ass. Yeah, I’m calling the Art Police.�� Recently, the User had posted on DA discussing this issue. Of course they were acting very perverse, deny that they spam artists (even though it’s the truth) and trying to pull a bullshit pity party / sob story by explaining how they used to be homeless for 2 years, abused and attacked, which (I clearly doubt is true). The fact they tried to defend themselves by talking about how shitty their life used to be fucking disgusts me and is so very pathetic, it makes me gag knowing that these people exist and we are forced to live among them. The User is obviously trying to pull people away from the situation by using the pity card, and it failed. Why the hell should anyone give you the benefit of the doubt that you have done these sick, twisted, and inhumane things to artists by spamming them gross requests and being a big baby when people call you out, as if you should even deserve pity to begin with?  Now of course, what the User is saying does sound very hard to deal with and very sad, but once it crosses the line (due to these actions the User has done and has been very immature and uncompromising about it) people won’t care about how you got there nor feel pity about it. Besides, I doubt anything that the User said is actually true, especially the “homeless for 2 years” part, since if that were the case, you’d be more focused on money and rent rather than asking artists to draw a character clapping their ass-cheeks. Currently on this user’s DA page, they’ve been doing these abominations of status posts for some time, posting pity-post stories in order to get sympathy and just bad. In one of their posts, they go completely ape-shit. Like, this is what happens when desperation and lies is your only option to escape your problems because you’re to perverse to try and fix those issues. I doubt anything this guy says is real anymore since, at this point, anything they say is just a way for them to get pity-points.  Here are the posts btw -----v

Overall, this user is a art thief, spammer, pedophile, manipulating, lying disgusting immature pig that should be eradicated from the internet and all communities for they have been nothing but harassed and cause problems in the fandoms they entered. 

In conclusion, If you are an HH rp / art blog and you are getting uncomfortable asks like these, do not respond and / or block the person asking, you have that right and these people can’t tell you otherwise. If you are harassing people like this, then shame on you for your actions and you seriously need to stop. Its not fucking ok and it will never be ok. NEVER FUCKIN’ EVER. 

2. Art Theft 

Now those of you who have been here for a long time in the Vivziepop Fandom, you will know that many people would sometimes repost Vivz’s artwork. Most of the time we usually don’t do this in the intent of stealing it but to share it or even criticize it. Seemingly Vivz doesn't have a problem with this, unless you are stealing it for you own personal gain and lie that it’s their art. That’s right, these bastards steal her art and claim its theirs. If you been frequently going to Vivz’s Twitter back in 2017, you might remember her calling out a blog that was stealing her art and saying it was theirs.

If you thought that was bad, not only does this happen to Vivz, it happens to other artists in the the HH fandom, the two I’m going to talk about come from @rabbit1225​ and @ztoonsz.

Rabbit1225 makes beautifully drawn artwork of characters, and they are especially well known for their fanart on HH characters in the fandom (Lucifer from HH to be specific). But, unfortunately as Rabbit continues with the fanart, others take it without permission. In fact, there was one instant where someone had ask Rabbit if they could use their picture of Lucifer in the Hazbin Hotel Wiki for Lucifer’s bio in a conversation on DeviantArt. Rabbit said no, but they didn’t care. They not only posted it on the wiki, they spelled Rabbit’s DeviantArt name wrong. Fortunately, Rabbit told the person to remove the pic immediately and told them off for not listening, and so far the pic was removed from the wiki.

This would soon lead to Rabbit putting big watermarks over most their artwork so art thieves couldn’t steal them. I mean, the watermarks are so big they take up the whole pic, which is smart. But still it is a very sad thing to see this happen to artist like Rabbit just because they make some good art of their favorite characters. Sure, asking artists for permission to use their artwork is ok, but taking their art (even if the artist said no) without permission is extremely wrong and disgraceful.  -------    ----              ------------                 --------------------------    -----    ----------

Ztoonz is also an artist who draws HH characters, including their HH oc. Suddenly, an Instagram user was not only stealing their HH art, but stealing various ones from another artist. Ztoonz confronted this thief, and it went pretty bad to say the least. The thief kept saying it was “Their art” and kept calling them insults like “Bitch” or “British Cunt”. What really put the nail in the coffin was when the thief  threaten to repost Ztoonz���s art and claim that Ztoonz was the one stealing it. Now that’s just cold. Of course, Ztoonz made a post regarding this and everyone started to report this thief. Thankfully, the thief deleted all of the art because they knew they fucked up and they deserved it. 

If an you are reposting another person’s art, you must ask for permission first. If don’t and just straight up do it anyway, be sure to credit them at least.

If the artist asks you to remove the reposted art, Do IT, as the art is theirs and not yours and you could get sued or even arrested by the artist for stealing their art.

 Respect an artist’s request to leave their art alone or credit them and move on with your life.

It’s not that difficult. You’ll look bad.

This also goes for Ocs as well, of course.

It is despicable and stealing another person’s character and / or art , it makes you look like you are devoid of creativity to make your own and it’s scummy.

 3. The Attack Of HH Shippings 

This is a tweet Vivzie made on her Twitter. I hope you read or at least acknowledged this tweet, because I’m going to talk about a certain issue regarding this. You see, the reason why Vivz made this tweet was because of the fact that there was an increase of actual people bullying other for certain  ships, canon or not, which I must say is just sad. Like, guys they’re just cartoon characters, calm the fuck down. If you’re seriously going to debate others about a certain ship and whether or not it’s canon for 2 hours, then you are the real fool here.  I don’t know what’s worse: -People shipping real-life people that don’t know each other / have no love or sexual relations with.  OR -People getting into heated arguments about certain fictional character ships from cartoons or shows. What more do we need to tell you? How many fucking times do we all need to say it to you people? Doing this is just going to make you look like a shit person, and an immature one at that. There is no reason for you to do this.There is no reason to attack someone for having some ship of an HH character because you disagree with it. I’ve said it, everyone has said it, even Vivzie herself has said it.  I know this is common in almost all fandoms and communities, but come on, ya’ll should be mature enough to know that being a bitch about stupid shit is just stupid. You guys are old enough to learn how to respect an opinion / interest, yet you people are crying like babies about how some people are shipping Vaggie and Angel Dust cause’ he is gay and not straight. THEY’RE JUST SHIPS! Not only that, even if Angel Dust and Vaggie used to be a couple in the older version of HH and it’s not canon anymore, you can still ship them regardless.

Sure, we all love our demons guys n’ gals but we need to remember they’re just characters and we can do whatever ships we want. Of course, there are going to be the weird looking ships, but we need to respect those ships. You have no authority to tell a person to kill themselves all because they shipped Charlie with Alastor. You are not the God of Ships, nor are you entitled to say you are. 

Speaking of the Vaggie x Angel Dust ship, my friend @scarecrowinc93 told me about someone supporting that ship here on Tumblr. They loved it so much, they made a kickstarter to make the ship canon. Fucking Madlad. But when people tried to tell them that it might not come true, they went ape-shit. They responded to all of this in a post and were extremely rude and bitter about it, though they tried to cover their tracks by deleting it as soon as they realize they fucked up. Now as much as we love fan ships and wish they could be canon, it might not happen and you need to except that fact. 

Just because you’re in a fandom that have excepting ships does not mean you can harass people for disagreeing with your ship or anyone else. I get it people should have free opinions here and there, but you don’t have the right to speak in a rude manner because someone didn’t like your ship. That’s not right and you know that.

4.”Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” Bullshit and Clickbait Slander

What happens when someone is desperate for views on YouTube? Slander and attempting to start drama of course! There had been two videos that have caused a bit of a steer. 

The first one was at the day of Christmas Eve, a video called “Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” was uploaded by some random person, and I gotta say I was pissed off and disgusted. This might as well be the most infamous video slandering Hazbin Hotel to exist. Words cannot describe this video, and the only way I can describe it is with this image:

I’m pretty sure everyone knows that Hazbin Hotel isn’t a scam. For one, Vivzie and the HH crew do not want to let the fans down, especially at this point in time as Hazbin Hotel is popular with a majority of fans, who are excited for the upcoming show. Do you really think Vivziepop would want to let her own fans down and lie about the upcoming show just to gain money? Yeah uh, how about no motherfucker. They’ve been working so hard to even stop the project at this point. Multiple clips from the pilot have been released to the public, and you can clearly see that the HH crew are working hard to make this show real. Animation that could make Disney cry, colors that pop and vibrate with beauty, and characters with designs that defy our ability to comprehend. For example, Ashely Nichols is one of the HH animators / artists working on the project. She is well known for the many streams she broadcasts. Most of them are usually of her animating various scenes, but with a bit of a twist. You see, to make these streams more entertaining, she brings in one of the several voice actors of Hazbin Hotel to the stream and have the viewers give voice requests said voice actor. In fact, she is currently in a relationship with Micheal Kovach, the voice of Angel Dust. Sometimes even Vivzie makes streams. During those streams some viewers would ask her various questions about Hazbin Hotel, and you know what she does? She answers their questions. Vivzie likes to talk about the Hazbin Hotel’s universe, especially her characters and want to share them with her fans.  So how is that a scam? If Hazbin Hotel was a scam, then why is the HH crew so dedicated to make this project successful? Explain that, cause’ it seems that the person who made this video might have something to say about this. I question whether or not this person is a troll or not, but I’m on the notion they did this for views since in their channel they have never talked about animation or anything related to that and probably doesn’t even know anything about it. Literally, when I first went on this person’s channel, there was barely anything in there that related to animation, art, or anything of that sort but (what I can assume to be) video blogs with barely any views. When I saw this, I could just feel the desperateness for views radiating from their channel. It’s like the equivalent of someone cashing in on a famous person’s death because they’re so desperate for views and attention. When first watching this “exposed video”, I honestly couldn’t even watch it at it’s fully entirety because it was that bad. The points this person made were too idiotic to take seriously and I feel bad for those who believed these disgusting lies. Here are just some of the “points” this person made about the so called “Hazbin Hotel scam”: - Having merch before the show has been released - Having no official release date - The crew only caring about money, not the fans - Having two Patreon pages (One is Vivziepop, the other’s Hazbin Hotel) These are just some of the “points” the person made in the video, and oh believe me it gets worse. While some seem understandable, most of them sound too abysmal to be true. Like seriously, “Having no official release date...”? How petty do you have to be to make up this shit? I get it, the internet can be a sketchy place and you can’t always trust the things you believe, but that statement does not make sense. Let me explain, most animation projects take time to make, like it can 5-7 hours to make a 10 second clip. Now imagine 30 minutes (which is how long the Hazbin Hotel pilot will be), imagine how long it would take to animate. Drawing every single frame neatly and correctly, making sure every scene is right, taking time and making it perfect. The amount of time and effort animators take on animating is astounding. Animation is hard and whether you animate or not, you know that it takes a great deal of toil and energy to do something like this, especially when it comes to 2D animation (which is the main animation style for Hazbin Hotel), where you have to draw each and every frame by hand. Animators need time to do this stuff and sometimes don’t when they’ll be done. Hell, animation companies like Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, etc. need time for this shit and it could take them months or even years to even start the animation process. Even if these companies have a larger budget then Vivzie, that doesn’t mean she can’t full-fill her animation dream. Like I said before, Vivziepop has already released multiple clips from the pilot, talked about the universe of Hazbin Hotel and it’s characters, and overall make the wait for the pilot something everyone can enjoy. If it were a scam, the animation wouldn’t look completed / smooth, Vivzie would not be talking about the HH universe as much, there wouldn’t be as many animation streams being made, etc.

Apparently, the video was so bad, misleading, and plain retarded, Jakeneutron (who is an animator well known for doing stuff related for Steven Universe), told the person off in the comment section along with other people who actually have a brain. This person, this fucking person, was just spouting bullshit claims like how: 

“They only care about money than the project”

and

“It takes 6 animators to make the merch line and several days to release the merch line”

This person obviously doesn’t know how to tell a good lie because his claims are total bullshit and easily debunkable. The video might have been deleted since it hasn’t been seen near the top when you search “Hazbin Hotel” on Youtube but I don’t want to say it too soon, but if the video is still up then I recommend to not watch it as, like I said, just an attempt to start drama and get views from a pathetic troll / leech.  Seriously, these lies are so bad I feel like my brain cells are slowly dying just reading them.

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Next one, a video was uploaded seemingly in December  of another random person’s “reaction” to the Hazbin Hotel trailer and was pretty bad. One of the most idiotic claims this person kept dragging was that this was for children and it is very inappropriate. How? HOW?!

How is a show about demons, murderers, villains in Hell (with mild cursing and sex jokes) for children? This person literally thinks that anything animated is for children. I swear people with that mentality about animation always being “Family Friendly” are just plain idiots. Like look at Family Guy / American Dad / Bojack Horseman / Mr.Pickles / The NutShack, they all have mature and inappropriate themes in them, and they’re animated.

Generally speaking here, yes I do think young children shouldn’t watch HH for obvious reasons. Yes, even though the characters are really funny and enjoyable and the animation beautiful, it’s not mean’t for a very young audience. You could tell Hazbin Hotel isn’t family friendly the moment they talk about drugs, Hell, murder, genocide, etc. but this person acts like it’s going to corrupt our kids the nano-second they watch it. Not only that, they were involving religion into the video. Unfortunately, due my poor memory, I couldn’t remember what they said, but what I do remember was the title saying “I’m never leaving my church ever again...” and the thumbnail being the person seemingly holding a mini bible. Unsurprisingly, they got a lot of hate from that video, but for some reason the person was liking every comment (including the ones that were going against him), which begs the question, What the fuck? The video was deleted, of course.

Now, oddly enough this person is special in a way. They may just seem like your average slanderer towards HH, but they’re a weird one. You see for some reason this person kept making “review videos” on the HH clips or videos apparently supporting HH. Yeah, excuse me but what the fuck? Are they trying to cover their tracks? 

It’s hard to tell if they’re a troll or not because at this point I don’t know. First they slander HH, now they supporting it? What is this person doing and why?

One of my most biggest problems with their HH ‘review’ videos is how the jokes they make are bland, unfunny, and just confusing (to me at least). When they make an attempt at a joke, it’s hard to even call it a joke because it makes you debate whether to laugh or not. 

For example, in their “review” to “A Cautionary Tale”, Angel Dust says he’s “Not too big on politics”, and then the person takes out a MAGA hat, wears it, and says “Well, then you and I are gonna get along great!” I think it’s suppose to be a political joke since in the corner it said *Republican joke*, but at the same time it comes across as not really funny.

My second biggest issue I have about them is how they literally have no fucking clue on what they’re saying. Like they have no idea who the characters are, the universe of the show, etc. and honestly comparing them to an average HH fan, they have the IQ of a penny when talking about HH. In their “A Cautionary Tale” review video, they literally claimed there was no such thing as an “overnight” in Hell and that they’ve been hearing people say that everyone in the main cast of HH died in the 1940s (even though most of the characters have different personalities based on when they died, which is not just the 1940s). Yeah, this ain’t it chief. 

One of the most stupidest things this guy said was that Alastor was Adolf Hitler himself...  Yeah no. Like I’m not sure if this is suppose to be some sort of joke, but judging from this guy’s low knowledge on HH and them being obsessed the 1900s, it seems likely. 

Firstly, Alastor died in 1933, New Orleans (which was told by Vivz in one of Ashely’s streams) during the great depression before WW2, while Hitler died in 1945, Berlin during WW2. Literally, you could just google “Adolf Hitler” and it would show you his date of death on the right side of the screen when you google him, and for Alastor you would go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki. It’s not that hard.

Secondly, if Alastor was Hitler, then he would have spoken in german or german accent, hate Jews / African Americans / Gays / Hipsanics / etc., have a swastika on this arm, and have the signature mustache or at least something like Hitler. Alastor speaks in a 1930′s voice and speaks english, literally (seemingly) doesn’t care about what race or sexual orientation you are, has no mustache.�� 

If you went and researched about these characters more on the Hazbin Hotel Wiki, then you wouldn’t look so stupid especially if you want to be invested in the show’s characters or the show in general.

If you haven’t noticed yet, this person is into some war history judging by his interest of World War stuff. I can understand that they may not know, but (like I said) you could literally go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki to learn more about the story, rather than make dumb assumptions on things you don’t know. You have the internet, use it.

If you think that making video’s slandering a show or person gonna get you good-ass views, then fuck you. Doing this will do nothing but bring angry fans and confused people believing the things you say. If you find satisfaction from that, you are fucking disgusting and a trashy human being. 

5. Roleplay Bullying

Much like HH ship-bullying, roleplayers are being bullied by their way of roleplaying. One that has come to attention is one coming from the Twitter RP-Verse. They roleplay as Alastor and has been acting like a tyrant. You see, they are also an artist who do HH fanart and are well-known for it actually (but I won’t tell who). They would insult roleplayers for their ability or way of roleplaying behind their backs and it’s quite childish for someone to be mad at something so small and idiotic. The roleplayer would use their fans to try and force other rp-ers from the roleplay, as if they control it, which is false and you can’t really control a roleplay, unless someone’s being annoying af and I doubt that this Alastor roleplayer is doing what their doing for that reason. I can understand that territories like this can get pretty hostile, but regards to this specific situation there isn’t really an excuse. I’m not going to go too deep into this topic since (let’s be honest) is another version of HH ship-bullying but except it’s roleplay. Maybe next time I’ll go deeper into this.

So what did we learn today?

Today we learn how truly pathetic us humans can be. How people would go out of their way to conduct such petty crimes to satisfy themselves because they have nothing else better to do in their sad little lives. 

I might make a part 2 of this post, since I couldn’t talk about everything I wanted to say in this post since that would take forever to make. 

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Thank you all for read my post!   

I wish everyone in this community the greatest and to be safe on the internet. Toxic people are crawling left and right and it is important that we don’t let these people get to us, we are better than these people.

If any of you guys want to make a similar post like this, then go ahead! It would be much appreciated to help spread this awareness and make our or other communities less toxic. 

[jeannereames]

Tumblr Meme

I don’t necessarily post a lot about myself, and I’m not sure most people care that much. Ha. But all right, I’ll play along:

1. the meaning behind my url.   It’s my name. Nothing exciting. The name on my actual Tumblr “Mathetria,” means “woman scholar” in ancient Greek.

2. a picture of me   In my profile image.

3. tattoos i have  2: one is the Achemenid royal lion, the other, the Macedonian sunburst. At some point, I’d also like to get a Sargonid lamasu, and not just any, but one specific lamasu detroyed by Isis that used to guard Nineveh. Many of the things they destroyed were copies, but that one was real, so he’ll live on, on me.

4. last time i cried and why  I honestly don’t remember. I’m more inclined to cry in a rage than in sorrow. The last I do remember was as I drove away after my last visit with my father, who was dying. But that was in Feb. of 2017, so I’m sure there’s been something more recent. I just don’t cry a lot. That’s not necessarily recommended, btw.

5. piercings i have  These days, just 2 in each ear, and I think one of the two in each ear have finally closed. I used to have some others in my ears, but it hurt to sleep on the earrings, so I took them out.

6. favorite band  Of all time? Probably the Indigo Girls, followed by India Arie (not a band, granted). But I go through phases, and at the moment, I’ve been listening to a lot of Tool and Godsmack.

7. biggest turn off(s)  If meant romantically, smoking. It’s a visceral “Ick,” for me, as well as a “What the hell are you taking into your body and why?” But it’s not going to make me think less of a person as a human being; I just don’t want to kiss you. LOL. What WILL make me think less of you as a human being is rudeness and unkindness to people in service industries. If I’m eating out with a friend who’s rude to the waitstaff? You just went WAY down in my estimation. So is the person who constantly steals the conversation and can’t shut up and listen to somebody else, ask others questions, or has to one-up everybody else either in successes or in personal struggles, “Oh, you think you have it bad, I had to....” Ugh.

8. top 5 (insert subject=public figures I’d like to have a long conversation with)  Michelle Obama, Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper, Pete Buttigieg, Ronan Farrow (since Cokie Roberts died this year).

9. tattoos i want  See #3 above for my lamassu.

10. biggest turn on(s)  Intelligence, I suppose, plus kindness and certain quirky sense of humor, a love of travel and learning

11. age  55

12. ideas of a perfect date  The perfect date isn’t the place, it’s the person.

13. life goal(s)  I’ve achieved some of them: I’m mother to a child who can pay his own bills and is pursuing a job he wants. I’m a professor, I’ve published my Alexander novel (finally), abut I’d like to publish more, and I hope to finish my Hephaistion bio sometime in the next few years and finally see that in print. I’d love it if my fiction took off so I could retire sooner, although I’d probably remain teaching part time because I enjoy it.

14. piercings i want  I’ve got all I want/can deal with

15. relationship status  Single, and have been since, gosh, 2005, formally divorced in 2006. And I’m pretty okay with that. If I found the right person (either gender, btw), I might consider dating somebody, but I’m not actively looking.

16. favorite movie  Too many to make up my mind; same problem with books

17. a fact about my life  I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was in 6th grade and announced to my English teacher that I was going to write a novel about my “bionic cat.” (Yes, it was the mid-70s and the whole “bionic” TV craze.) Instead of laughing, Mrs. Best (I still remember her name) popped over to the board, drew a cat face, and wrote over it, “The Seven-Million Dollar Siamese.” THAT is a great teacher.  Btw, bionic cat novel, written in longhand on lined notebook paper, got exactly 4 pages before I gave up. Ha. I wish I still had it, but it’s lost down the years (that was almost 45 years ago!). I just changed subject matter when, around the same time, The Lord of the Rings ate my life and I became a devoted fantasy fan.

18. phobia  I’m not keen on heights. Or spiders.

19. middle name  My middle name IS the name I go by (Jeanne, pronounced Zhe-anna).

20. anything you want to ask  I assume this means for those reading, if somebody wants to ask me something specific.

[mcrmadness]

I was tagged by @hanhan156​, part 1/3. Thanks - again! :D This was some sort of a quarantine ask and finally I had enough energy to finish with these.

1. How has your day been? Pretty good. I woke up with something that felt like a migraine but it ended after I got up which was positive news. Still feeling bit off migraine-like but at least my head doesn’t hurt. I’ve also been playing Planet Zoo the whole day (and now the music is playing in my head nonstop kill me pls), and had a voice chat with a few people and it was nice. This time I was able to keep the conversation going and I was also talking so much at the times (bit ashamed of that tho), and we also had lots of laughs every noe and then so yes, it was nice! Now drinking the second cup of tea of this day and wondering if I should start with Planet Zoo for second time today. I’m also getting tired, probably because of that sozialicing + the fact I could have slept a few hours more but had to get up because of the headache. But maybe this helps me to maintain somewhat normal sleeping schedule for some time.

2. What is the last thing that made you smile? The voice chat I mentioned. (I’ve never ever before discussed with people about what vomit tastes and smells like NOR so deep thoughts about how it might taste/smell different for different people depending on what they have been eating. And this was weird because vomit is one of the most disgusting things I know.)

3. What’s keeping you entertained these days? Well, the world situation is not affecting me personally that much so I’m pretty much doing the same stuff as always - playing video games, watching tv/movies or youtube videos, drawing or writing... Browsing internet and Tumblr and of course talking with (online) friends.

4. If you are in some kind of quarantine/self isolation: Well, yes and no. My normal life is already kind of self isolation as I’m on a sick leave and I don’t really have life within this city. My life is basically only online. Maybe bit sad but no can do... but I’m still trying to stay home as much as possible and only visiting my family and going to grocery stores/supermarkets to by food and stuff. So still doesn’t differ from my normal everyday life that much of course I have to be extra careful with all this because I basically belong to the risk group so I try to avoid the virus as much as I can but not only for myself but so that I won’t get anyone else sick. I have quite good immune system but I have no idea how well it would work with this virus and I don’t want to find out.

5. Post a selfie! (if you’re comfortable with that): Sorry, no selfies. At least not images. But basically I could post a link to the only selfie I have online. It’s an old one, from 2013, and it’s still on my Deviantart profile but I swear that I haven’t changed at all in these 7 years. My hair is still like that. And I’m such a babyface so it’s impossible to tell my age in that photo nor nowadays either. (I was 22 yo. at the time of that photo.) This is also the only photo that I still find looking alright. I normally have a huge problem with selfies and I don’t like taking them at all.

And then have to tag some people... probably doesn’t come as a surprise to those who I’m gonna tag since I don’t know too many people who I could tag ::D Btw, if we’re mutuals (and even if we aren’t) and you’d be okay with me tagging you, let me know one way or another as I’m very happy to tag anyone who wants to be tagged! Until that, I will tag @stufenlosregelbar and @cupcakecurl and also you who wants to be tagged but hasn’t got tagged yet.

[sparkycanteven]

In defense of Cassarian/Variandra/Vassandra

Okay tumblr anons, you asked for it.

Yeah, I ship it. 

Is it problematic? No. I will tell you why.

1.) Obviously, it's not canon and will never be.

2.) In spite of what you anons THINK, none of us Cassarian shippers actually ship Cassarian/Variandra/Vassadra AT THEIR CANON AGES!!!!

3.) ACCORDING TO THE CREATORS OF TANGLED, BESIDES RAPUNZEL, NO ONE ELSE HAS A CANON AGE!!!

There was ONE BOOK that barely mentioned Varian’s age but the books are not considered part of the show’s canon so I take that information with a grain of salt. 

Also, in every Cassarian fanwork I have seen (or created for that matter), VARIAN IS OLDER! It’s usually post-series (where he would be of legal age) or AU where he is the same age range as everyone else. In my entire time in the fandom I have YET to come across ANY problematic works that would advocate anything less than a healthy, adult relationship! 

So I don’t honestly know where all this hate is coming from. In fact, I think it’s rather ludicrous for anyone to be triggered by Varian’s harmless crush on Cassandra when obviously the show isn’t going to go in that direction. I mean, people, this isn’t Once Upon A Time, this is a show created for 7 year olds that is animated. CALM YOUR TITS!!!

But I think the shipping side of the fandom has been affected by the Mrs. Flanders phenomenon. “Oh, won’t someone please think of the children???”

No one here has any interest in harming any minors in any shape, form, or fashion. We are simply adult cartoon enthusiasts who happen to like a certain ship.

But while we’re talking about THE CHILDRUN:

- I’d like to see a few of you who are so triggered sit through an episode of Kodocha, the anime. Not the Japanese version but the english dub. In it, a young girl who is 10 refers to her agent/manager as HER PIMP. She has a very unhealthy, sexual crush on him and in the episode where he finally explains why they cannot be together, the final scene has them SITTING IN HER BEDROOM ALONE TOGETHER. Go pick on that fandom and see how many people laugh you out of existence! Oh btw, said Agent/Manager stays all the way through the series, is not put on a bus to hell or gotten rid of in any way because that’s one thing that anime culture realizes that Western Cartoon Culture has yet to hit upon...

- KIDS DEVELOP CRUSHES!!! They are not cheerful baby robots that wait until they’re 18 to pine after someone! Some are even problematic! Did you ever develop a crush on a teacher? Or an older siblings friend? Or a celebrity that had no idea you existed? Did certain people think it was cute? Okay... was it their problem that you had the crush in the first place? No? OKAY THEN. 

- And there are some of us who never headcanoned Varian at 14 anyway. Like me, I never once thought he was 14, I thought he was 21 and just short for his age because during that time if there were famines and you didn’t get enough to eat, guess what, your growth got stunted!!! 

- Also, it was a different time. Think about it, back in the time period that this is set in, 14 and 15 year olds were regularly married off all the time. Granted they were usually girls married off to much older men, but young boys would definitely start LOOKING back in those days. EDUCATE YOURSELF!!

But honesly, if you want my take on it, I think some people just like being triggered. They just LIKE finding problems with otherwise harmless things because they don’t agree. I personally hate eggs, but do I go to breakfast buffets wearing a sandwich sign that says “NO CHICKEN ABORSHUNS!”? No. Because that would be pointless. Just like your little anon opinion.

Good day.

[reneereadskingdomofash]

Thoughts on the Ships in Kingdom of Ash

Ok, I’m writing some thoughts on the Ships in Kingdom of Ash. I’ve jumped onto a few posts, but I feel like I’m probably not being clear because well, I talk to people outside of those posts via different channels and so people aren’t getting the full picture. 

Not that this matters of course, the internet and tumblr is only a snapshot, but I wanted to write some clear thoughts on the Ships and how I am feeling about them before/during/and now two weeks after having finished the book. 1. perspectives change. 2. Reading other peoples thoughts that might enhance our own understanding happens too. **SPOILERS BELOW CUT**

Rowaelin

Before Koa: Yes, I dig it. Empire of Storms was their peak love story! Heir of Fire gave me all the Angst - love and hate, falling in love with the trainer, Queen of Shadows gave me my reunion and happiness to fight the bad guys and Empire of Storms gave me the sexy times. The Ship had sailed. Then Maeve came in Empire of Storms. And I was worried for my ship, but only because I was worried for the individual parts of the whole. What happens if they die! What happens if Aelin isn’t who she was. What happens to them! they deserve a happily ever after. *insert renee crying lots at the end of Empire of Storms* 

During Koa: I was scared. Aelin wasn’t who she was. Rowan was loosing himself in the hunt for her. What was this new thing between Fenrys and her and Rowan was on the outs? What did this mean? Why couldn't she talk? Where was my Aelin!!! Aelin had hardened and I was scared, and Rowan was scared and it made me think - she’s going to die and i’m going to cry. Then Aneille happened and Aelin almost came back. She was as close to the old Aelin as I think was possible given the trauma that she went through. Rowan didn’t care. He would have loved her anyway. Such a pure ship. And then they go on to save the world. Once Aelin had forged the lock, I wasn’t scared for her anymore. I didn’t think she might die, I didn’t think Rowan would either. The lock felt like it was the start of their happy ending. Sure lots of stuff to go on but the ship was good. 

After Koa: Same feelings. I still love Rowaelin. But I got to experience their journey over 4 books! It was satisfying in that they had page time but it didn't detract from the story. So When I’m not enthusiastic about Rowaelin - Its not because I don’t love them, I’ve just been with them a long time. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that they would be ok. 

Elorcan (aka the ship I wanted to sail more than any other)

Before  Koa: I was scared. I feel so hard into this ship when I read Empire of Storms. And then when I re-read it before KoA I fell harder. I loved Lorcan from the start. A grumpy demi-fae, who is the most powerful, who seems angry, who doesn’t show emotions, who would do anything for his friends. (sure misguided sometimes - but that’s what it boils down to). He came to Rowan’s aid in Heir of Fire. He came for his friend. Not his general. He didn’t have time for Aelin - some mortal girl who people had an interest in. It wasn’t why he came. People who know me - know I have been cheering for Lorcan the past two years. That he’s going to show this side of himself. My morally grey Lorcan. And then Queen of Shadows and Empire of Storms happened. Oh man. Elide, my witch baby standing up for those who cant do it for themselves! She took on Vernon for Kaltain, she is bad-ass! She is the my love just as Lorcan is my love. I’m so torn I love them both. Its a good thing they found each other. Anyway. Elide stands up to him, she fights for herself and others. She protects him and he does the same back. So I love them. Elide threw herself in front of a wolf (Fenrys to save him!) And When Lorcan called for Maeve - my heart sank. Lorcan u big Dummy! I love you but come on! And then the theories started. and I wrote some too. Maybe if I think of the worst possible thing that can happen and put it out into the world it wont happen. Like jinxing the bad stuff. Lorcan “SALVATERRE” savior of lands- does that mean he will sacrifice himself??? Honestly my biggest fear going in. 

During  Koa: Kingdom of Ash was a roller-coaster for my ship. I was so invested in everything they did. I paid way too much attention to their sections than other ships. - honestly I skim read nestaq scenes (who I love). which is bad I know. but elorcan for life apparently.  And Lorcan was being sneaky and trying to help Elide be comfortable (sure more period talk but what ever) because he had been traveling with her for months and months and knew she needed stuff. He shows love by doing. Not always doing the right thing (his decision making skills need work) - but he tries. Elide was a bitch at the start. Just going to say it. Sure she might have been justified, but sometimes you don’t need to voice all the nasty things in your head. And I got mad at her. Then she basically said she wouldn’t care if Lorcan died. And his heart broke and my heart broke and I was upset and probably crying.  AND THEN THE BATTLE OF ANEILLE HAPPENED AND I CRIED!!! AND I SCREAMED AT MY BOOK. Direct quote from my notes: “ P500 - NOT HAPPY! Lorcan!!!! OMG NOT HAPPY! LORCAN JUST DROPPED HIS SHEILDS - fucking egg! Omg ahhh! Crap. Crap crap.”  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have dropped his shields if Elide hadn’t said such horrible things to him and he didn’t feel like he needed to die. So I was mad, fucking live you dork. Its just a girl! I ship you two, but if You are both going to be Dorks then I don’t!  So when Elide went to go find him I was like - OMG YES U DO LOVE HIM... direct quote from my notes:  “ I'm crying .... Elide- "I will always find you", running down the stairs... oh it hurts.... please please be ok ....  Ahhh she grabbed chaols horse! A horse for Hellas himself... ahh Lol and then that's explained a couple of pages over Lorcan!!!(517) "Get up" :sobbing emojis: "I promised to always find you. I promised you, and you promised me. I came for you because of it; I am here because of it. I am here for you, do you understand? And if we don't get onto that horse now, we won't stand a chance against that dam. We will die." P 520 :more sobbing emojis: Omg :more sobbing emojis: You have to let me go I love you And I will be with you.... I will be with you always :more sobbing emojis: Lorcan Omg Fucking hell And elide! Yes! You claw at him girl!! That dam! Oof Omg my ship - you are killing me “

Honestly. Such a Rollercoaster. So as you can see I was invested. and then they seemed to tentatively get over each other and what happened and proceeded to get cuter and cuter as the book went on and just gave me warm fuzzies and happiness. 

After Koa: I love this ship. I would die for this ship. Fight me! - oh majority of fandom also Like my ship now... cool cool. that’s cool. guess we cool.

Manorian

Before Koa: I dig it. Its alright. Manon eats men for breakfast so Dorian has a little bit of a death wish but I can see that playfulness, that bond from living a similar life. Heirs in name only, for the longest time. I appreciated it, but wasn't strongly invested. I had picked my OTP already. Still enjoy this ship tho - just less invested.

During Koa: I really liked the tentative relationship between Manon and Dorian. I have so many notes about how I think he is a witch tho - so those stand out in my notes more than ship points. I liked that they shared a tent when Manon never did. I liked that Dorian spent time with the 13 developing friendships. It showed that he wanted to know Manon, more than just for sex. But it also cannot be denied that they like sex and used it to avoid talking. That happens in relationships too - not necessarily bad. Its one of the things I actually like about SJM’s ships they aren’t cookie cutter relationships. But I did feel like both Manon and Dorian chose the mission over the relationship (For Now) which is fine too btw. In life we might take a job in a different city and do long distance and still come back to each other. I think Dorian lying to Manon on their last night together by omission is a little sucky. But again. relationships have ups and downs. I’m glad it kinda ended there. Sure they come back together, But I like that its left open. Firstly because they have had the ship burn in flames - their isn’t an “unhappy” ending... the story is still playing out. We just cut away before seeing the end. 

After Koa: Wow ok. So people have lots of thoughts on this ship and maybe I should have been paying attention. Why don’t people like it open ended... ok? maybe its a loose end but there is still a book to come (the world of throne of glass) and sure its not a novel about Aelin. This doesn't mean it wont tell us about the encyclopedic history or Ardarlan and the Witch kingdom and how both are run by people who are seeing each other. A certain boy who knows how to use portals to get from one place to the other quickly - doesn't seem like living on opposite sides on the continent is going to be a problem.... maybe that’s just the optimist in me. If they have children - a girl to rule the wastes and a boy to be king. Seems like an amazing fit. I’d really like to see this happen tbh, but this takes time and time KoA didn’t have in the pages - but - maybe - the world of throne of glass will.  

Chaorian

Before Koa: Ahh cute - they had their love story i’m happy!

During Koa: Damn I love Yrene. Shes the best. Chaol, you are ok too - but Yrene has your back and is the light relief in your life. Chaol you are too serious - listen to your wife.

After Koa: awwww little wittle chaorene babies. awwwwww daddy Chaol. awww  uncle Dorian. <3 <3 so many warm fuzzies.

Nestaq

Before Koa: I ship them so Hard OMG SARTAQ I LOVE YOU. You are a way better fit for Nesryn than Chaol. Man i’m glad she met you. 

During Koa: oof Sartaq why u gotta have a Khagan hat on - you are so serious. Good thing Borte is there. 

After Koa: Nesryn has no idea what she is in for - Can I please get more Yeran and Borte. Still love Nestaq - but I understand the peak of their story was in Tower of Dawn. 

Lysaedion

Before Koa: Oh Man you two. The end of Empire of Storms - Aedion you are a dick! Why! Why! Oh you better just be mad and make it up to her. You love her dang it, you wanted to marry her! Argh. I don’t know how to feel, I like them together - but what is this past Aedion has? What is coming. I don’t want to get my hopes up. 

During Koa: Aedion! Aedion! What! Are! you! doing!

I’m so mad at Aedion right now. You better apologise.

Its so complicated to break down. But basically Aedion is being an A-hole to Lysandra and she doesn’t deserve it. She is running herself into the ground and you do that! Aedion! I’m so conflicted, why are you a good dad to Evangeline but an awful person to Lys! AHHH AEDION STOP! 

After Koa: I still don’t know how to break down this relationship. It sets off so many red flags for me. - About how someone can be a great dad but an awful partner.  - About how someone can be abusive essentially but explain away their actions. - About how other people stand by and watch, when they see this behavior. - About how it is all “circumstances”. 

Now - I think its fine for people to work through things and overcome their problems if they want to but that takes time. What Aedion did in Kingdom of Ash did not make me think he should have been able to win Lysandra back as quickly as he did near the end of the book. And it hurts. However I know people in real life who have gone back to people who have treated them badly. So its not uncommon. It is their decision. It just hurts. 

Part of me wants them to get a divorce and I’ve made a couple of joke-ish statements about that. But I could have been on Lysaedion’s side if it had a similar ending to Manorian. If it was left hanging, left on a - lets see where this goes. War does strange things to people, and I think Aedion was affected more than others, but he needs to prove he isn’t going to be the man who threw Lysandra out into the cold. In my eyes at least. 

I have prob left ships out, and thoughts out but this is a lot of writing for me that’s not counting towards my nanowrimo - hahaha. 

[fuck-customers]

FAQ’s

I decided to get around to making a full FAQ to add to the sidebar. If I’ve missed anything, let us know.

Do you accept fuck coworker and manager submissions?

Yes we do! A while back we tried running a couple of separate blogs on the subjects but they weren’t successful because we continued getting asks and submissions here about coworkers and managers. Instead of just rejecting these we decided to accept them because they are a part of why customer service sucks. Changing the name of the blog isn’t necessary and would hinder the ability of our old and even new followers to find us if we suddenly just changed. We’ve been Fuck Customers for years, and it’s going to stay that way no matter how the blog evolves.

Why is the inbox/submission box closed?

We need to catch up because we’re neck deep in back log.

Can I use fan mail to submit my stories since the inbox is closed?

For the love of God no! This clogs the inbox up so bad and makes the process of catching up so much harder! Please be patient! We can’t reopen in a timely manner if we have to sift through and delete fan mail submissions that had no place being submitted in the first place in that format. Even when the inbox is open we delete those. The faster we can reopen the better. That all depends on our inbox remaining closed and uncluttered by fan mail. I may seem rude saying this, but it has become a serious problem and is hindering progress a LOT.

Why hasn’t my submission posted yet?

See here.

Who are the mods?

Abby, and Rodney.

Can you tag (insert thing)?

We used to, but with how big the blog has become it is unrealistic to be able to tag absolutely every single thing. We’re going to have to trust that our followers will be able to put trigger warnings before their own asks and submissions. We get up to 200 new asks and submissions a day on top of our personal and professional lives, so keeping up with posting/queuing is top priority.

Do you need anymore mods? Can I be one?

Ultimately this is up to Mandie, but at the moment the answer is no. Three is more than enough. You know what they say about too many cooks in the kitchen.

What don’t you post?

Anything racist, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, etc for starters. Anything not on topic to customer service is a big one too. We also don’t accept customers whining about employees. There is a line where it might be acceptable, though, like a case where a customer may see a manager or coworker abusing an employee. But if you’re bitching because someone smashed your bread then you are in the wrong place. Go to yelp. Fan mail is not the proper course of submitting your questions or stories. Use the ask or submission options and if the inbox is closed then check back later. Finally, hate mail. We get a lot of it and it’s a waste of space. Now, sometimes we do post one of any of these simply to drag your ass through the coals. Catch us on a bad day and expect to get roasted. Don’t be an asshole and you’re fine. We also try not to post anything that includes real store names, so try to use a fake one.

Why have I been blocked?

If you said anything offensive in a note towards us or another follower then you will be blocked. That could be death threats, telling someone to kill themselves, racism, homophobia, basically being an asshole. If you’re dumb enough to send hate mail without being anon, whether it’s to us or another follower, you’ll also get blocked. We do not tolerate that shit.

I requested my submission be posted anonymous! Why did it get posted or why wasn’t it posted?

It is your responsibility to submit anon. We post what is given to us in a format that tumblr allows(why we don’t post fan mail btw). If we were to post your submission anonymous we would have to cut and paste. Multiply that by 100 per day and we’d be swamped. If it accidentally gets posted that is on you, but most of the time we just delete it.

I found something on here offensive! I’m sending hate mail right now!

You know that is the equivalent of asking to see the manager, right? Just skip the post and move on, you’re holding up the line.

*This does not include reporting posts that were accidentally posted that we would definitely remove. If you’re polite about it that is fine, but if you’re going to yell at us and tell us you’re unfollowing then that’s customer like territory. We get a lot of hate mail when all you need to do is point it out nicely. We also don’t condone sending hate mail to other followers. Maybe what they said was offensive, but sometimes good people don’t realize that their wording wasn’t that great. Sending hate mail isn’t the proper way to get your point across and help them learn from the situation.*

If I’ve missed any questions that need to be added let us know. These are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Why hasn’t my submission posted?

We get this question a lot so I thought I’d compile a list:

1.) You sent it through fan mail. We do not post anything sent that way since it does not include an option to queue or post it, just reply. We stopped copy pasting submissions a long time ago.

2.) You included a store name. Some of these slip through, but for the most part these get deleted for the safety of your job and this blog. There are actually people whose job it is is to hunt down stories like these and punish those who tell them.

3.) You requested to be anonymous without actually submitting on anon. Again, we do not copy paste submissions.

4.) You said something extremely offensive. Such as racist, ableist, homophobic, xenophobic, etc. Sometimes you might find we will call you out on it, but for the most part these posts are deleted.

5.) You sent hate mail. We will sometimes destroy you in response, but we delete 99% of these.

6.) The subject matter has been talked about to death. After a while we stop beating the dead horse with a stick.

7.) You posted a customer complaint. Yes, we will post good experiences praising an employee, but if you’re here to complain about an employee from a customer point of view then you’re in the wrong place.

8.) Rarely tumblr will eat the post. If your submission hasn’t posted in a month and it does not fit the rules above then resend it.

9.) Also extremely rare we might have accidentally deleted it. Again, if it hasn’t posted in a month and doesn’t fit the first 6 rules resend it. I think this has only happened twice to me personally though.

10.) It’s already queued or still in our inbox waiting to be queued or posted. We get a lot of submissions and asks, so you’ll need to be patient.

11.) Also, if you send a long submission through several asks instead of the submission link then we’ll delete them all. It is difficult to find all the parts.

12.) It isn’t on topic for the blog or any conversation happening on the blog.

13.) Asking to become a mod. We’re not accepting new mods.

14.) Complaints about what has been posted that does not fit the criteria on this list. This is rare, but it happens.

15.) Anything that seems like it’s an advertisement.

16.) Your post did not seem like it was related to customer service in any way. If you did experience at work then you need to make it clear.

[archionblu]

so here’s that depression/depressing post. This is gonna be a lot of “woe is me my life is hard” bullshit when it’s really not. I’m a white girl being supported by my parents who both love me and are still together and make a lot of money and have me on their very good health insurance which pays for me to have many many competent and caring doctors. I also have two/three loving IRL friends who go out of their way to make sure I feel loved and several internet friends who do the same.

suicidal ideation, self harm, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, chronic health problems, negative self-talk, depression-anxiety-adhd-ptsd, generally not a recommended read

I tried to talk to one of my therapists about this today (yeah, plural, it’s a weird setup) but I didn’t feel like she really got what I was saying, or maybe she did but didn’t take it very seriously because I’m very bad about being open with my feelings

I’ve spent a lot, and I mean a LOT of time recently wishing I didn’t exist. Thinking about (and googling) the most efficient and least painful methods of suicide/dying. My fantasy is falling asleep from carbon monoxide poisoning (I had a friend in college who had that happen to her) and then just....sleep until I suffocate. That’d be the ideal. Because the idea of taking something and not being successful and ending up with even more life long health problems or brain damage because of it is more terrifying than being alive is. Similarly the idea of taking something, failing, and then having my access to my medications restricted for the rest of my life is not worth it. I just....aggressively want to pop out of existence. 

I am doing a part time job that I find alternatingly incredibly stressful and intensely boring. It was listed as an ‘office assistant’ position, but that was a lie. I am a cashier at a ice skating rink/community center. The closest to ‘office work’ I get is printing out receipts and signing people up for classes occasionally.

It’s so hideously spoiled of me, but I don’t want to keep doing this job. I only get a few angry customers, I have mostly nice people coming at me, but those people and the rush (and lines) and the times the machines malfunction or I screw u and having to handle coins and cash and do the change math in my head (the cash register doesn’t tell you how much change they get back) leave me exhausted and emotionally strung out by the end of my shift (which can be as short as 3 hours!). I also seem to struggle with counting the drawer at the end of the night, which just makes me feel useless and stupid because I can’t COUNT ffs. That’s pathetic.

Tomorrow I have a meeting early in the morning to have my boss passive aggressively remind me of the ‘processes and procedures’ because of the several times I’ve fucked up. I know it’s a mind-reading negative cognition, but I feel like all my coworkers think I’m incompetent. That’d be alright if I wasn’t trying at all. But I’m trying so hard to do well, and I’m just not.

I am not doing anything with my life. I am doing a job that the vast majority of people could do (and often do much harder jobs for less pay than I’m getting). I am not contributing anything unique or useful, I am simply a body to fill a seat. 

I go to school, one-to-two classes at a time, to finish an associates degree/certificate for a job I don’t think I can do because of my disabilities. I have no other career plans or aspirations. My ‘goals’ are me making up something to work towards so I don’t feel like I’m a total failure, not anything I’m actually passionate about achieving. 

I take up space and resources in my parents’ lives, and I don’t really contribute much except an overwhelming anxiety about how they’re going to make sure I’m taken care of after they die. My mom brings it up quite often-- about how she wants me to get a job that I can at least mostly support myself with or get disability (which fell through again, btw, for those of you who were following my application process, so I gave up and told the lawyer to drop the case. I’ll just wait until I qualify for the OTHER kind of disability). 

I hate looking in mirrors now. I may have lost 5lbs recently, but I still see the stretchmarks forming, the rolls I have trouble lifting and moving around, the face which looks like it’s set in a basin of lard peering out at the world. I hate leaving the house, because I have to put on clothes, and the only clothes that hide how grotesque my body is make me look like a frumpy granny mormon. (note: I don’t think other fat people are gross, because they have hips and boobs and butts. They have a shape. I have very narrow hips, no butt to speak of, and average sized boobs. I don’t have a shape, so more as a pile of lard propped up on some wobbly unstable legs.) Being depressed about my weight makes me eat more, candy and junkfood and pasta in the dead of night. I am .1 from a diabetic diagnostic in my blood sugar tests.

I fantasize about vivisection and self-mutilation constantly. Imagine cutting myself open down the middle and raking out the fat with my bare hands. Driving a orbitoclast (lobotomy ice pick) through my skull over and over until my brain trickles out of my nose, or sticking it through my eye socket and pinning myself to a wall with it like an insect stuck to a board. Tearing my legs off at the knees or the hip joints (to make the pain stop), popping them out of the socket and cutting them out like you do when taking chicken thighs off a whole chicken. 

I’m so tired of having my own body. So many doctor’s appointments and medications and “I can’t do XYZ” or “I’m disabled” etc. excuses and not being able to do much other than lie in bed and scroll through tumblr. For years, YEARS. I was on a speeding gocart  headed to hell all through highschool and then in 2011 I fell off into the fire and I never really made it back out. 

It doesn’t matter to me that people love me and I’m lovable. I believe people when they say that, but it doesn’t matter. Being lovable or loved doesn’t give me purpose or worth.

I’m too depressed and tired to even keep complaining right now, but yeah. That’s a fraction of what I’m dealing with and feeling right now. Merry Fucking Christmas. 

[dezzydoesthings]

Posting as a picture because answering asks on Tumblr app is hell. (It actually crashed on me ugh)

Anyway, anon, to answer your question, the reasons I hate Three Kings are many.

First, Yusuke goes from killing a doctor that tortures humans with experiments and struggling with killing Doctor Kamiya to being like "oh you eat humans ok no biggie" to Hokushin? I'm sorry, what? Why? Because you found out you have demon blood? That is not a good enough reason for that kind or personality shift. My respect for Yusuke plummeted after that scene and it never really recovered. Like when he was whining while fighting Yomi I was just like bitch please whatever. I'm not sure what message Togashi was trying to convey, maybe identity crisis, but it just didn't work for me.

Kurama served no purpose whatsoever other than to be guilted and led around and threatened. His episodes are so boring I actually fell asleep while watching them and no I didn't go back and rewatch them. So I'll give fox boy a pass because I honestly don't remember his stuff. But I think his was identity crisis too so maybe that's the theme of Three Kings.

Which brings me to Hiei. Ugh. Other than the flub with the English dub, which I mentioned in the post you asked me about - and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I know what Funimation was trying to do. They were trying to put in a clue that Yukina knows who her brother is without blatantly stating it. Not like they could have Yukina nonchalantly say it during a scene at the DT. Like "oh btw I totally know Hiei is my brother - go Yusuke!" And have no one react to it. I mean, this isn't Ghost Stories! (Props to all that know that anime)

So my big problem with Hiei in 3k is...Mukuro. I stated why I don't like that ship at all in a previous post of mine. I can't link on an app so I'll post some text from it,

"Now, I wanted to like this chick. At first she seems pretty cool. They even take shots at each other. Her making a joke at him and he even insulted her, calling her a mummy. So Hiei. Seemed like he could handle her well enough.

And then we find out his past, and when we’re done seething and sobbing, we find out hers.

You know, as she strips naked and mind rapes him.

Lemme explain why I have issue with this. Hiei is not the type of guy to have sympathy for someone out of nowhere when he BARELY KNOWS THEM. This is a total stranger. Are we supposed to believe because she’s had a bad life and is all like “oh Hiei I understand your pain because I had bad shit happen to me too and killed to make it stop too” that Hiei will automatically bond with her?

He’s from Demon World, where violence is normal. The world itself smells like death. He says so to Yusuke.

Sooo, someone else tried to cure their pain with blood…in a world where probably 80% of people are doing just that.

So what? I’m sorry but that would be an in character reaction for Hiei. Like “wow, too bad for you. What does this have to do with me?”

Also Mukuro having a bad past and Hiei having sympathy right away and falling for her is EVERY OOC FANFIC WITH AN OC WE HAVE EVER READ.

And no I don’t expect Hiei to get goo goo eyed every time Mukuro speaks like Kuwabara does with Yukina, but flirting? Like Yusuke and Keiko? Something?

So, I maybe would have been more willing to accept this if we had seen the relationship grow at all. Been given reasons more than “oh they both have bad pasts.”

I’d be more willing, even though I don’t ship it, to believe Hiei and Kurama, because we SEE the bond. We FEEL it.

I feel more emotion in Hieibara fics than Himuku! Why? Because Hiei and Kuwabara actually have chemistry on screen!

We get one episode for their “romance.” One. And in the Japanese version, the romantic “feel” Funimation tried to give it is not there at all.

Yes, there is a connection. No doubt. It just feels forced and fake on the romance part."

So basically I would have liked her maybe if we see them have a connection like with Yusuke and Keiko. Even though Kuwabara and Yukina don't have too many scenes together, you can see they have a connection! Something more than "lemme strip naked while you're incapacitated and can't do anything."

So, by the time I got to the final episode, i was like thank goodness it's over. Do I love Yu Yu Hakusho? YES. The last season just rubs me the wrong way.

And hey, the same thing happened to me with another show, Once Upon a Time. They went down hill pretty much after season 3 but I stayed because I loved them so much. This last season has been complete trash and I'm only sticking around to see how they fix my favorite otp. That's it. And I'm relieved it's ending.

So I can still love a show but hate one season or moments in it. I am glad YYH had a happy ending, probably the best in any anime I've seen.

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for the ask!

[kincringeemporium]

"How Do I Stop Being Kin!?”: A Helpful Guide (Long Post)

so... yup. tumblr ate some of my archive, including one of my most important posts: a list of steps on how to distance yourself from the kin community. as there’s no way (that i know of) to get that post back... here’s this! 

how to use the guide: all complaints/problems that kin frequently send when they don’t want to be kin anymore? those are in large bold. each complaint has a list of steps on how to solve it; the steps (my responses) are just in the normal font. don’t see what you need? send an ask saying you want to see it in a part 2! 

“I don’t want to be kin with (x) anymore!” 

okay! this one centers mostly around keeping lists. and as i said to the most recent anon, the first step toward stopping is wanting to stop. 

1. get two separate sheets of paper (or start digital documents you can print later). on one, write “(Your Name) List”. on the other, write “(Kintype Name) List.” 

2. fill the YN List first. write down every one of your own traits that you can name. they can relate to appearance, gender, hobbies/interests, mental health, neurodiversity, hopes and aspirations, etc. these do not all have to be good things. try to have a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 balance of good, bad, and neutral traits. (an example of a bad trait/habit is “nail biting”, because that’s harmful. not “brown hair”. if you don’t like your hair color put “brown hair” down as a neutral trait. it’s not bad, you just want a different color.) 

3. fill the KN (kintype name) list next. do not use “i”, “we”, “myself”, in this list becase it’s not about you. 

  • if it’s a fictional character, write down facts relating to the character’s creation. who’s the author/designer/creator? what year was the source released? what type of media is the source -- a fantasy book, a video game, a movie? emphasize that the character is fictional, not real (add ‘in this universe’ if you believe in the multiverse theory) and cannot be reincarnated. 

• if it’s an animal, write down all of its behaviors: does it eat meat? what sounds does it make? is it dangerous or not? now, if you believe in reincarnation, it’s way more plausible that animals can be reincarnated and their next lives can be as humans. emphasize that even if you were the animal in a past life, you are a human now -- it is not healthy to think you literally still are the animal and/or to behave like it. 

•  if it’s a part of nature, like a star or a tree, write down all the facts about it that you know and emphasize that it is not sentient, it doesn’t have a soul, and it cannot make choices or be reincarnated. 

keep the lists with you (as a physical copy/paper). 

4. tell yourself that it’s okay to like the character, animal, or thing, it’s okay to feel that it represents part of who you are. it’s okay to feel comforted by it when you’ve had a shitty day or you’re in a bad mood. feeling these things does not automatically make you kin. write these down on a small piece of paper and keep the paper with you. 

5. even though it is okay to like the character/animal/thing, slowly start avoiding content that includes it. if you are trying to stop being fictionkin, do not watch the source. stay away from fanfic, pictures, etc, that make you have strong emotions about it. 

6. if you ever are feeling guilty about something your kintype did (and this applies mostly to villain kin), you are projecting. whether you’re feeling guilty about your own mistakes without realizing, or you want the chance to fix something/apologize, you are projecting. if you are acting out what you really, really want the villain to do -- ie, you relate to them strongly but they’re not repentant and you want them to be... rp. start a roleplay blog, write a redemption au. look back at your lists again. 

• if it’s not a villain, but you’re feeling guilty about something bad your kintype did, still do a bit of rp and keep looking back at those lists! 

7. whenever you have “kinfeels” or “kin memories”, look at your YN and KN lists. read them to remind yourself that you are not the same person as the character, not the same being as the animal, and not something inanimate. 

8. try new things and (now i’m not saying this to be a bitch) go outside. i mean it. vitamin d is good for you. you don’t have to exercise, but if you are able to, go for it. visit the library, the park, a coffee shop, the mall, anywhere. test out new hobbies, like 

• writing fiction (could be about the character/animal/thing, if this is how you maintain a connection with it while not identifying as it) 

 • traditional drawing  

 • digital drawing 

 • sewing, knitting, or crochet 

• writing movie critiques/analyses 

• jewelry making 

• making non-kin-related selfcare 

• sports 

“I want to get out of the community, but I’m not ready to let go of my kintypes!” 

so you’re not ready? okay. this is still your first step. you will fuck yourself over badly if you push yourself to 100% stop being kin before you can function without it. this is true in situations like abusive households or trauma: if you pretend that you’re someone else who’s never had to deal with those things, you are using escapism to let off stress and unwind. 

1. change your blog theme. i know it sounds dumb and unrelated. however, having a visual change will make you more inclined to change other things -- and it will start to tell other people in the community that you are able to change. 

2. update your about, kin page, and byf. take things like “don’t follow if you don’t see me as (kintype)”, “no doubles”, and kin-related discourse out of those pages. anything that typically appears in kin cringe comps? take it out. (look through my blog for example of typical cringe comp material.) 

• don’t say “literally me”, “100% me”, “ID” about the kintypes you list. 

• instead of having separate sections for “primary”, “secondary”, “tertiary”, things like that... just say “kintypes” once and list them/insert their pictures. 

• do NOT link to others’ blogs saying “this person is my (canonmate name)!” or “i found my (important canonmate)! 

• whatever your stance on ace discourse... take that out of your pages. i have no idea why, but the kin community is fucking overrun with people thinking that aces/aros aren’t lgbtq+. removing this discourse from your blog will remove you from another common kin community behavior. (it’s totally okay to post ace/aro positivity, but don’t involve yourself in heavy discourse and don’t put “Aces/aros are/aren’t lgbtq!” on your about/kinpage/byf.) 

3. if you list kin friends or kin blogs on one of your pages, consider taking out the links and just describing the friends/blogs. this will distance your blog from the network of kin on here. 

4. instead of requesting “kintype selfcare/positivity” from those kin resource blogs: 

• reblog aesthetics that remind you of the kintypes, but is not labeled as “(kintype) aesthetic”. 

• make some aesthetics yourself based on the kintypes. if you’re tagging, then just use general tags (ie, “kin”, “otherkin”, or “fictionkin”), not specifically the character’s name or the type of animal you identify with. 

• write positive affirmations for yourself, such as “i got enough sleep so this will be a better day!” or “i didn’t lie in bed all day so i feel motivated!” or “i ate something healthy instead of junk food!” 

• if you’re writing affirmations specifically about a kintype, don’t refer to the kintype using “i” or “we”. instead, write “(character) tries their best to fix wrongdoings, so i will too!” or “(character) makes an effort to overcome anxiety, so i’m going to try harder too!” or “(animal) isn’t inherently bad/gross; it’s trying to survive like me!” 

• basically, when writing positivity/affirmations, pick a trait that the kintype has that you want to have too. don’t just say “i have this trait because i am (kintype)!” 

• sorry not sorry, but the overwhelming majority of the positivity on those blogs is useless. it might make you feel better for a couple minutes, but it’s superficial. even if the person running the blog genuinely wants people to feel better, they are still operating under the obligation to give positivity. 

it is not as genuine as it should be. the person doesn’t know who you are, and they might not know a lot about the kintype. the positivity from those blogs is generic, ie, “even if you’ve done some bad things, you’re not a bad person!” You need specifics, which only you can come up with -- because only you know yourself. when something is vague or general, we think deep down that it’s not true. (btw, that’s the same psychology behind the “sounds fake but okay” meme.)

5. if your mutuals get into kin drama, or if you see kin drama on your dash, stay out of it. it does not matter right now if these people are your best friends in the world, because once the drama dies down, your url is still all over those posts. even if the people who started the drama delete the posts, other people have everything saved. the things you said in anger or anxiety or whatever are still on tumblr. and tumblr has an extremely difficult time recognizing that what someone said three months ago doesn’t define what they say now. 

6. unfollow people who have ‘typical cringe comp material’ on their pages and/or people who frequently are involved in drama. 

• if they have “ask to unfollow” on their pages, unfollow anyway. if they harass you about it, block them (and maybe report for... violating community guidelines. or harassment). DON’T PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGES. EVER. FOLLOWING YOU IS NOT A CHORE. MAKING PEOPLE ASK PERMISSION TO UNFOLLOW YOU CAN CAUSE THEM HUGE AMOUNTS OF ANXIETY. IT’S SHITTY AND ENTITLED. DON’T DO IT. 

7. if you’re going to send hate to antis, i can’t stop you, but for fuck’s sake, do that on anon. (”what!?” you say as you read this post. “but don’t antis think anon hate is cowardly!?”) you just don’t want to be known as someone active enough in the community to send off-anon shit. 

8. if i have or another anti/cringe blog has screenshotted your post/page, ask for it to be removed. no promises that other blogs will remove your stuff, but here on kce and over at @only-on-tomblr, we will. having your content up on popular cringe blogs can definitely get you recognized among the community, and you don’t want that. 

“I don’t want to rely so hard on being kin -- I want kin to be a casual thing!” 

1. first off, follow the “i want to get out of the community” list. you don’t have to stop identifying as kin, you just need to distance yourself from that network of over the top, hardcore kin people. 

2. recognize that kin is your coping mechanism. it is okay to use escapism (that’s what kin is tbh) to cope. it is okay to step away from reality, unwind, then go back to reality after a few hours of doing kin stuff/rp. 

3. recognize that any coping mechanism is going to be harmful when you take it too far. when it goes too far, it becomes an obsession. (because i am sure someone’s going to say this, i’m not dragging special interests. those are not the same as coping mechanisms gone wrong and this post does not relate to special interests.) 

4. guess what? you don’t need just one coping mechanism. and because you’re not completely dropping the kintypes, you need to focus your kin-related energy into a creative outlet. what i mean by that is... write about them. draw pictures of them. do commissions, even for people who have the same kintype. not to mention, if you write about/draw them a lot, you are getting so much better at those skills. 

5. optional: it would also help to make lists of your traits and the kintypes’ traits, like in the first section of this post. 

6. as with the other sections, do not refer to the kintypes as “myself”/”i”. 

that’s about it 

Other things you can do 

• write a brief analysis of an episode, movie, chapter, etc in which the character/kintype appears. what does the person/being do and why? how do their actions result in the episode/chapter/game/movie ending? how do other characters react to it? and how is this different from what you would do, right now, if you were in the same situation? (obviously no one has to see it, so doesn’t matter if it sucks) 

• interact with people who have the same kintype so you can become more comfortable with “doubles” and thus be less intense about being kin 

• when you’re watching/reading/playing/listening to new media (’source’), and you begin to have “kinfeels” for someone, step back. put the book down. pause the show or podcast. remind yourself that this is fiction. even if the multiverse does exist, your kintype cannot cross between universes and ‘be’ you. you are most likely projecting onto the character or you are inspired to create a similar character/oc. 

• aaand.... here it comes... oh god. oh no. limit your time on tumblr. do not spend all day on this forsaken hellsite.  

Things to absolutely NOT do 

• post anything like “why did the author put me/kintype in a relationship with a girl!? i’m gay!” all that does is imply that you think you have some kind of ownership over someone else’s character. it makes you look like you want everything to go your way -- and not everything can. i am not saying that to be a jerk. 

• ask people to unfollow you. as i said before (now, i don’t have anxiety so this isn’t from firsthand experience), do you have any idea how much anxiety that causes people? and how shitty a thing it is to do? 

• harass someone over being a double 

• tell them to unfollow/stop interacting because they are a double 

• compare being kin to being trans or nonbinary. for fuck’s sake. there’s no such thing as a “kingender”.

                     - even if your kintype was female in ‘your source’, but wasn’t                                  female in canon... that does not mean you are trans and it does                            not mean the kintype is trans.    

                    - even if you are trans yourself, it has absolutely nothing to do with                        you identifying as kin. they are not related. you are a trans person                        who also happens to be kin.    

                   - things like “canidgender: a gender that feels tough and ready to                           defend, a gender that makes you feel alert, a gender that....” are not                     real. gender is not an emotion. besides, these descriptions have                            nothing to do with gender. 

  • say that you have dysphoria about your kintype. again, if you have dysphoria, it’s because you are transgender/nonbinary. you do not have “species dysphoria” about your astral ears. just because it’s listed on google with a definition does not mean it’s legit. 

• use ‘kin pronouns’ like glitch/glitchs/glitchself. ne/nes/neself. star/stars/starself. it/its. the very concept of kin pronouns suggests that gender is automatically tied to kin. it’s not. and you are not an object. 

• send people hate or get into discourse about headcanons involving your kintype 

• tag art as “me” or “kin” or “id”. even if the artist says it’s okay, avoiding this is another way to distance yourself from a harmful community. if you need/want to keep a tagging system, just tag it with the character’s name or the type of animal. 

• tell someone that they are “your (important canonmate). 

• especially do not tell someone that your characters dated and that you must begin a romantic relationship because of that! 

• insist that someone just has to remember something that you remember! here’s an appropriate exchange on this. 

              you: “do you remember when our kintypes had that huge fight, then                     made up and dated for a few months? we drifted apart and stopped                    dating.” 

              them: “no... i recall something different.” 

               you: “oh. well, that’s okay!” 

comments i just know i’m going to get (they’re useless. don’t post them and don’t send them to me) 

• you’re policing our identities! 

•you can’t dictate how we cope! 

• you can’t take away our fun! 

• how would you know how this stuff works? you’re not kin! 

• ableist! 

• go do something productive! 

• i don’t care. i’m doing these things anyway! 

-k 

[cloversreblogs]

Brass in the grey- Chpt. 10

Previous chapters (AO3 only): 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

Links: FFN.net, AO3, Wattpad

Read on Tumblr: 7 / 8 / 9 / X / 11

Christmas chapter because Christmas! :D

Pairing: FrUK

Genre: Modern AU, Artists AU

Chapter rating: K

Chapter warning(s): None!

Just some quick Christmas fluff for the holidays :) The bolded lines are the phone dialogue, btw.

João- Portugal

Angus- Scotland

Just as swiftly as the transition of November to December, Autumn left and Winter arrived.

The snow had a delicate magic to it. It turned whatever it touched into something sublime and enchanting. The park's trees had long lost its leaves the previous week, but this morning, a blanket of snow had covered the park so that it was like a piece of Narnia had dropped into London.

"Anything else on your mind, Francis?" The therapist asked.

"Erhm… no, actually," he replied. It was actually the first time in a while that he had meant it when he said those words.

"Alright, fantastic!" She said with a smile, and they shook hands. "I think that you've made quite a lot of progress over the couple of weeks! I'll be visiting my family back in Suffolk, so I won't be here for the rest of the year, sadly. Are you planning to do anything for Christmas?" she asked as Francis grabbed his coat.

"Not much. I'll probably just Skype my dad and such. One of my friend's brother have a Christmas party going on at their place, so I'll probably be there."

"Sounds great! See you next year! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too!" And then he left his therapist's office.

Dr. Turner was a therapist who Francis saw every two weeks. Even though this was only their second session, Francis was starting to feel better already.

Her office was across a mall near the apartment block, so as he walked through it, he could hear the Christmas cheer everywhere.

Carollers were singing the carol of the bells, a Christmas tree that touched the ceiling stood proudly in the centre of the room, a line of children lined up for a mall Santa, and people carrying bags of wrapping paper as well as toys and other gifts buzzed like bees. A violinist who busked outside of the mall played Silent Night, and Francis tossed a shilling to the violin case.

It was even snowing a bit, just enough to dust the people in snow, but not too heavily as to cover people up with snow entirely, which added to the nice Christmassy atmosphere.

Very soon, he made it back to the apartment. The apartment was decorated with tinsel and Christmas lights. Gilbert plugged in the Christmas lights, making the Christmas tree in the middle of the room light up.

The TV was showing Home Alone, while on the couch, he could see Antonio chatting with his (recently declared) boyfriend Roderich.

"Hey Fran!" Antonio called out. Gilbert, on the other hand wasn't as certain.

"Ah, Fran! Erhm… how was the therapist's?"

Sure, Francis had felt better, but ever since he had told him about his anxieties, Gilbert had started restraining everything that he said.

"Gil, it's fine, you don't need to censor everything you say. I wasn't being completely honest with myself over the last couple of months, so I'm trying to do so right now. I'll just remind you whenever I want the topic to be changed. OK?"

"Hm, kay." Gilbert still seemed distracted. Francis sighed. He was a perfectionist, and hated causing problems.

Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door. While turning the doorknob, a small part of him wondered if it was Arthur. Turned out, it was Antonio's brother, João, who had came all the way from Portugal. He greeted him, and went over to the sofa before promptly going into a lengthy conversation with Antonio.

As Francis stood, and looked over to Antonio with João and Roderich, he realised something.

Arthur on the other hand lived alone, as far as he could tell. He never mentioned much family, either. Was Arthur spending Christmas alone?

He walked into the bedroom, and dialled Arthur's number.

"Hello?"

"Arthur! Hi! We're having a Christmas party at a friend of mine's, do you want to come?"

"Erhm… no thanks. Parties aren't exactly my thing."

After some more small talk, (how were you, etc) they hung up.

Francis thought. Maybe he could go over to his apartment, but then there was the Christmas party over at Ludwig's house, and he didn't want to miss that. On the other hand… how alone was Arthur? Maybe he could just give him a gift or something.

He knew that Arthur liked to read, but his bookshelves were full, and besides, it was sort of a predictable present. Arthur wasn't great at cooking, so maybe he could cook him something. Maybe a casserole? They still had more than an hour until they needed to be at Ludwig's. Yes, that sounded good.

And so he got to the kitchen and got to work.

Watching re-runs of Doctor Who while embroidering and sipping hot chocolate was a good way to spend Christmas, in Arthur's book. He wasn't the type who got too festive of anything, he just hung up some tinsel and called it a day.

He held up the embroidery hoop, and examined the piece of embroidery. The blanket stitches hadn't worked as well as he had hoped, and were a bit wide for his liking. Again, the satin stitch-

A knock on the door distracted him, and he stood up. He was pretty confident that it was Francis, though he wasn't sure why he was here, especially so shortly after a phone call. He took a deep breath in. The worst case scenario would probably be Francis accusing him for not wanting to go to the Christmas party, though he reasoned with himself that it'd be insanely unlikely. The best case scenario would be that Francis decided to spend Christmas with him or something like that. The most likely thing would be that Francis decided to drop in for a quick "Merry Christmas", maybe even give a card or a gift or something.

As per with his third prediction, Francis was standing at the door carrying a casserole pot.

"Hi, Arthur!" He greeted before handing him the pot with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

"Ah." He took the pot. Even with the lid closed, he could smell the savoury content of the pot, and it smelt absolutely mouth watering. "Thank you. Erhm, wow, you didn't have to give me a casserole." Francis smiled, and shrugged.

"It's the least I can do. I have to go now, unfortunately. Bye!"

Arthur waved while Francis walked away to join with another small party of people. Arthur looked down at the hallway, and then down at the casserole, still warm in his hands. It had been awhile since he was given a Christmas present. Sure, there were still the Christmas cards given by that overly festive co-worker, but otherwise, it had been awhile.

He brung the casserole back into his apartment and onto the table. Actually, it had been awhile since he had something close to a proper Christmas dinner. During Christmas, he usually went out to eat, whether if it was at a fancy diner or at a takeaway place. The last time he had a proper, hearty Christmas dinner was…

Was…

Seven years ago.

Had it really been that long? Wow. Seven years. Almost an entire decade.

He grabbed a dish and opened the lid. The tantalising aroma of hot lamb, rosemary, potatoes, and peas flooded the room immediately. His mouth watered. It smelt delicious!

A memory popped in his head. One year during Christmas, Angus tripped on the cat and fell into the trifle. He snickered at the memory. Mum wouldn't let the cat sleep on the dining room floor after that.

After he put some of the casserole into the dish, he noticed the way the potato slices were arranged so that they overlapped like fish scales. His own mother would just stack them.

He blew the casserole piece on the fork, and ate it. A million memories of Christmas during his childhood flooded his mind.

It tasted good. It tasted like home.

Arthur went on to finish half the casserole, and put the pot into the fridge. While he did, he wondered: shouldn't he give Francis a Christmas present as well?

He thought. What would Francis like as a present? Something music related, maybe? The stores were closed already, so if he was to give him a present, he would had to improvise. He definitely couldn't give him something cooked, hell no. Well he did have books…

There was this book he bought earlier in the year. Arthur walked over to his bookshelf. He had only read it once or twice, so it should be somewhere at the bottom shelf…

Ah! There it was wedged in the bottom. He pulled the book out, and brushed the cover.

For a second, he wondered if it was a good idea. Was he really going to give him a book? At least the casserole had effort put into it, this book was pretty much just something he pulled out of his ass.

Arthur took a deep breath in. The shops were closed, and he couldn't think of anything more suitable as a present. At least the book wasn't at the same calibre as, say, gifting Francis a used napkin or a plastic bag, at least there was some thought put into it. Besides, the book was still in a pretty good condition.

After reminding himself of those things, he felt better about it, and went out and headed downstairs.

"Hey, Fran, I think that this is for you or something," Gilbert called out as he came back from collecting mail the next day.

"Hm?"

"Here. It's from that Arthur guy." He handed him a book with a post-it note stuck onto it. A book from Arthur? Huh. The cover had a blue trombone on it. The reason that Arthur had picked this one was probably because it was about trombones, which was somewhat close to saxophones. Sure, Francis didn't like trombones more than saxophones, much less know how to play one, but he appreciated that at least Arthurĺ tried to pick something that peaked his interests.

"Thanks, Gil." He read the note:

Hi, I found this book while rummaging through my things. It's a book about a girl with sound-colour synesthesia, and it's quite an interesting read. The shops were closed, so I wasn't able to get wrapping paper, I must apologise. By the way, thank you for the casserole.

Merry Christmas,

Arthur

He flipped the book over, and read the summary. Reading books were not exactly his thing, but the premise sounded interesting. He reached for his phone:

Thank you for the book! <3

A few seconds later, there was another text:

You're welcome :-)

The book, trombones are blue, is a real book, by the way, though it is a WIP by @wildrhov. Thank you, Rhov for letting me mention the book!

I'll be taking a bit of a hiatus to figure out what's going to happen in the next couple of chapters, so no chapters next month, unfortunately. But on the other hand, thank you for the comments last chapter!

Happy holidays, everybody!

[falling-stars-and-open-scars]

Life Update

So, a lot’s happened since my last actual blog post/writing/whatever [Jan. 11th] So, let’s recap:

- Got my first speeding ticket Jan 16th

- Immediately TOTALED my car the VERY next day (Jan. 17th) and spent probably a good month trying to get things sorted out/get a car rented/get a NEW car, etc. 

- In February: I saw that some coworkers were in a Facebook Group Chat complaining about me “being late” to work. Told my manager and head veterinarian about it and ofc neither did anything about it. A few weeks AFTER that, I “magically” get told that unless I have more availability due to “scheduling” that I was fired. Do keep in mind LITERALLY NO ONE talked to me about my schedule and IN FACT, I told one of the receptionists who works on the monthly schedule that in March I’d be able to work MORE hours during Spring Break so......wtf.....doesn’t add up. And if it usually doesn’t add up, it usually isn’t true. So I really truly feel I got canned because 1)I wasn’t part of the “girl’s club” and actively resented the notion of a girl’s club - “This isn’t high school, I just want to do MY job and my JOB does not require me to be best friends with your dumbass” and 2) The head veterinarian’s pet/favorite was involved in the group chat. Soooooo. Yeah, fuck that place. I worked 20 hours per week and STILL managed to get ALL my work done and the dumb hoes y’all hired off the street can’t seem to even get 2 out of 6 tasks done in 1 week and they “work” more hours than I did.....but they also sat on their asses and ordered Jeffery Starr makeup and Shawn Dawson makeup or whatever the fuck their names are while animals literally went HOURS without water. I know this because I saw it and purposefully did not handle the situation because I’m not the ONLY fucking person who works there; it’s not SOLELY my job to do water checks and they sat on their asses for hours so I was literally trying to give them a chance to redeem themselves; but no, doggo went without water for hours until I refilled the bowl. UGH! And I had to force myself to NOT immediately take care of the problem and it was HARD because the dog didn’t deserve it and it wouldn’t have taken but maybe a minute to take care of. It was just the simple principle of it - I’m working at MY job and y’all should be too but you’re not. I hated that place. I hated my coworkers - bunch of lazy idiots straight up off the fucking street without so much as a goddamn DRUG TEST. No drug test. No BACKGROUND check. No prior animal care experience needed. BULLSHIT! Test them! TEST TEST TEST LITERALLY EVERYONE who walks in and tries to apply because *ahem* THE HEALTH AND WELL BEING OF THE ANIMALS IS WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THIS CLINIC AND IF YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT INSURE THAT THE PEOPLE *YOU* EMPLOY ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND DRUG-FREE BY DOING A SIMPLE FUCKING CRIMINAL BACKGROUND CHECK AND A DRUG TEST THEN YOU DO NOT HAVE *ANY* RIGHT TO BE IN BUSINESS! 

Annnyway. Randos off the fucking street who couldn’t tell you the ass end of a dog from the front end of a dog and who primarily worked ONLY in retail are more important than having an employee who: 1) fucking works her shift and stays until every single last thing is done, 2) was an employee with the CITY and worked closely with Animal Control/Public Safety AS a kennel attendant for 2 full fucking years and did that job pretty much by herself, 3) CAN PASS a drug test AND background check, and 4) went to school to learn if she can improve in anyway so that the care that she provides for the animals is the ABSOLUTE best it can be without verging into super technical/doctoral territory. Yeeeep. Sounds like a GREAT plan, right? Hire AND KEEP complete fucking morons who CAN’T EVEN READ A LABEL ON A BOTTLE TO MAKE SURE THEY DON’T CREATE MOTHERFUCKING CHLORINE GAS AND KILL EVERY LAST LIVING THING IN THE DAMN BUILDING ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WANT TO USE A METRIC FUCKTON OF CHEMICALS AND BLEACH TOGETHER BECAUSE, AGAIN, YOU DON’T READ THE FUCKING LABEL TO KNOW THAT ONLY 1/8TH OF A FUCKING CUP OF TOP PERFORMANCE PLUS 1 GALLON OF WATER IS ENOUGH TO BE AN EFFECTIVE CLEANING SOLUTION over someone who actually knows their shit. What could possibly go wrong--oh, wait, literally fucking everything. Not like y’all had a PARVO dog in recently and the floor of the room the PARVO dog was in has NOT been deep cleaned with parvocide. Oh wait, that’s TOTALLY THE CASE BECAUSE LAZY BITCHES DON’T CLEAN THEIR FLOOR EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE TO DO WEEKLY FLOOR DEEP-CLEANINGS AND SCRRRUUUUBBBB THE EVER LIVING FUCK OUT OF THE FLOOR USING KENNEL-SOL [which, btw, is effective against *legasp!* FUCKING PARVO!]. Did I mention that they had an older dog literally up and die in the boarding department for no known reason? Well, they sure as fuck did and that dog did NOT get a pre-boarding examination as it “wasn’t due for one” because “yearly exams” are enough. Um, NAH! Unless that dog was seen within the past WEEK, you examine the FUCK outta it! AND GET A GODDAMN FECAL TOO BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF HAVING DOGS COME IN AND BE SHITTING THEIR BRAINS OUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING PARASITE. They had no idea how that dog died, but it was noted that the dog was not eating her food throughout her time there. And noooobody thought “hmm, maybe we should get her checked out? it’s probably just her bad teeth, but maybe we should at least check....maybe ask the owner if we can do some bloodwork (which should’ve been done beforehand/done in a pre-boarding exam)?” Nah, they were like “Oooh, it’s friday; you got food and water, you’ll be fine. I’m outtie at 6pm whether there’s a shitton of other things to do or not.” then came back Saturday morning to find her dead in her fucking kennel.

Not my clinic, not my problem anymore. 

Seriously hated that place.

But now, I have an opportunity to work for the city again as a kennel attendant while going to school. Considering my knowledge/education and background and the fact that I literally did the job once before and can do it again and when I did leave, I left on good terms; there shouldn’t be any reason why I’m not hired on. If I do get hired, I’d be making $12 verses the $10.50 bullshit this clinic was paying me and have the title of “city employee” again, so a little bit of a pride-booster there. I’ll be working by myself, which I prefer anyways because I know I can rely on myself to get shit done and, if for some reason shit doesn’t get done, I have only one person to blame - myself. It’ll be hard juggling that and school, but I think I can do it.

Now, in regards to weight loss.....I’ve plateaued and may have even gained a bit. I get being stressed and not making good food choices and skipping the workouts and all; like, the “excuses” make sense but....I’m not done losing weight. I’m not where I want to be. I’m definitely better than where I was, and while that’s great, I still got more to do. Maybe with this new kennel job, I’ll be forced to be more active [potentially working 25 hours per week instead of just 20]. I’ll probably post an updated weight-loss/management plan in a bit. 

But yeah, that’s pretty much the recap. Made amends with my best friend too, she (thankfully) dumped her loser boyfriend that I had issues with and we were able to talk things out/I was able to tell her what my issues were with him and she was able to ACTUALLY hear me out instead of having him try to twist and control and manipulate things. I’m thankful she’s away from that and we can get back to being us. She doesn’t know I’ve lost weight. She doesn’t know about my weight loss goals or plans or anything like that, so it’ll be interesting to see if she comments at all [and with a 15-20 pound weight loss since we last saw each other, I’d really hope that there are some obvious improvements]

That’s it for now, I guess.

Thanks for letting me ramble, O great void of Tumblr (because no one reads this shit anyways. LMFAO)