#bts jungkook hanahaki au

[justimajin]

The Language of Flowers

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst

↳ 9.5k / Hanahaki AU

⇨ Hanahaki (pre-existing concept): a fictional disease in which an individual will cough up flowers after experiencing unrequited love.

Warnings: heavy angst, discussions of illness/surgery, implied smut (on the explicit end)

Love is funny. 

It blossoms unexpectedly, spontaneously conjuring up within seconds. A spur of the moment, which draws in budding affection. Love at first sight, that flourishes into sparks of tender electricity. Or simply an unexpected encounter, getting spun into something more meaningful. 

It develops, it grows. It becomes so much more as the handles of time spiral, adoration and devotion thrown into the mix and creating everlasting bliss. 

Until of course, it becomes long term, its longevity and commitment spanning an entire lifetime.

You glance around, pupils revolving around the blooming garden. There are long tables lined into rows, draped with lilac silk material and decorated with bright yellow flowers. Amongst them, an array of individuals are seated, chattering with one another. 

You find her closer to the fencing, where fairy lights are looped and a giant white board stands, the word ‘Engaged’ written in bold cursive purple. 

“Aera.” She turns around, dressed in a short white lace dress with a small tiara resting on her black hair, making her appear like a princess. Her eyes are wide, having been in mid-conversation before she heard your voice call out to her.

Her lips tug into a huge smile upon seeing your tender look, moving forward to envelop you into a hug. “Y/N!” 

You hug her back, “Thank you so much for coming. It wouldn’t have been possible without you.” 

“Don’t say that.” You sheepishly chuckle, but she presses on. 

“Oh, come on, you’re the one that introduced me to him.” 

You dismiss her, “I just introduced you two, you were the one to take it a step further.” 

Taking a step back, you gesture to the entire display of the white board and a bubbly laugh emerges from her. 

“Let me at least give you some credit.” 

“Fine, maybe I helped a little.” You retort and she grins at your acceptance. 

A low voice cuts through your conversation. 

“I moved the balloons like you wanted, the decorator said–”

A young man appearing to be within his twenties emerges, donning a white dress shirt with a black tie and pants. His dark hair is styled and parted back, brows furrowed and doe eyes swirling with focus. 

It doesn’t take you a second later to whisper his name. 

“Jungkook?” 

He halts his steps, frozen by the sound of his name. Head snapping up, recognition flows through his orbs. 

Within a heartbeat, he shutters out. “Y-Y/N?” 

Aera darts her eyes between both of you, taken aback with the familiarity with a frown.

“Do the two of you know each other?” 

“Ah– yes,” You quickly clarify, “We work together.”

“Yeah, we do.” He replies, scratching the back of his neck. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here…” 

“Well, I am friends with the bride.” You chuckle.

Aera pitches in, placing a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. “And she introduced me to Sunoo, Kookie!” 

He stiffens. “I see…”

“How do the two of you know each other?” You ponder, surprised by their proximity. If anything, you at least knew that Jungkook was greatly distant at work, never really going out of his way to speak to anyone. 

Aera warmly smiles, looping her arm around Jungkook’s, “Let me reintroduce you to the Jeon Jungkook,” She gazes at him with tender eyes, “My childhood friend and the person dearest to my heart…“ 

Pausing, she adds in, “–after Sunoo, of course.” 

You nod understandably, but Jungkook lets out a low cough. 

“I-I should go,” He brings up, “See if the decorator needs any more help.” 

You watch as he loops out of her arm, swiftly turning around without another word. 

A pout surfaces on Aera’s lips, like she wanted him to stay longer with you. 

But then she turns and catches your intrigued gaze, orbs brightening up in an instant. She dips into conversation once more as if he never left, occupied with showcasing the giant ring that now sits on her third finger. 

Yet if you had been paying enough attention, you would have noticed the flicker of dread in Jungkook’s eyes. 

***

As you attempt to catch up with Aera, it’s not long before she’s being whisked away by her husband-to-be, who you warmly greet with a smile. 

Being left alone, you decide to head over to one of the side tables, setting down the gift you had bought for them before filtering through all the guests to find your seat. 

Locating an empty one on the same table Aera and Sunoo would be at, you sit down and take a napkin, carefully placing it down onto your lap. 

From the corner of your eye, you catch sight of Jungkook. He glances around, doe eyes frantic and lips pursed. He awkwardly lingers for a moment – like he was debating on being there, unsure of where to look or where to go. 

It’s surprising to you, considering only moments ago he was effortlessly navigating himself to the decorator’s instructions.

You hesitate for a moment, knowing the two of you aren’t particularly close. However, as his confusion spins by the minute, you ultimately decide it wouldn’t be so bad and give in. 

“Jungkook!” You call out, watching his train of vision fall onto you. Taking out a chair next to you, your hand waves over with a warm smile. 

Jungkook glances around one more time, before walking over with his head ducked down. 

Instead of taking the one beside you, he takes the one on the opposite side – the one that is furthest away from Aera. 

You raise a brow, wondering why he didn’t want to sit closer to the bride and of course, his childhood friend, but you freeze when your orbs land on his appearance.

His eyes are glossed over, tinged with red. They almost seem hollow, dark circles collecting underneath them and his shoulders are caved in. 

“Are–…” You quickly glance around, words dropping into a whisper before leaning in, “Are you okay?”

Jungkook’s pupils snap back into life and he furiously nods, shifting uncomfortably away from you.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay.” He sniffles, voice coming out hoarse. His field of vision lands on the decorations upon the table, features straining with dismay, “I’m just allergic to the flowers.” 

Your own eyes follow his line of sight, falling onto the beautiful, bright yellow petals. In fact, they’re littered everywhere – from the long tables lined up, to the blooming garden, to even attached to the white board that sits in the front. 

“Tulips,” You remark, “Aera’s–” 

“Favorite flower.” He mumbles, pupils focused down on his fidgeting hands and not bothering to take a glance at them. 

An involuntary harsh cough escapes his throat.

You lean over, grabbing a jug full of water and a glass, filling it up. Tapping him on the shoulder, he looks up, fatigue radiating deep within his irises before they morph into surprise. 

He takes the glass hesitantly, muttering a small thank you before you turn your attention back to the front, watching all the guests take their places as the food gets served.

Save for the few occasional glances stemming from concern, you and Jungkook don’t say another word to each other for the rest of the duration.

***

The evening spins away – dinner is all served and more guests pool in. You occasionally smile, greeting new people and munching down on the contents placed in front of you. 

Amongst all this, Aera is attached to Sunoo, a tender smile on her features as they deeply gaze into each other’s eyes and beam with so much sweet affection. 

You grin when she calls for you to take a picture with the two to them, instantly leaving your table and trudging over. Looping your arm with Aera and standing opposite to Sunoo, all three of you smile as the photographer’s flash goes off. 

“You two look really good together.” You comment and Aera giggles, eyes crinkling in the direction of her to-be-husband. 

She leans closer to him, brushing his lips against hers for a kiss. Sunoo follows suit, clasping onto her hands. 

They radiate the to-be-wed glow, encased in their own bubble of infectious love and happiness. It’s joyous for anyone to watch, to see two people be so utterly and completely in love with each other.

At least, that’s what you think.

As you turn to greet another one of Aera’s friends, you catch a flash of movement from the corner of your eyes.

You blink, but then there’s a tap against your shoulder. 

“Y/N,” Aera asks, her head surveying around, “Do you know where Jungkook is?” 

You swivel, mimicking her puzzlement. “I-I’m not sure…” 

“That’s too bad, I wanted to take a picture with him.” Aera remarks and a frown lines your lips. You had just seen Jungkook sitting by the table by himself moments ago, but now he’s up and disappeared, just when the photographer had started taking photos.

You sigh, not understanding his train of thought. 

Turning to Aera, you give her a quick reassured smile. “Focus on Sunoo, I’ll go find him for you.” 

She breaks into a huge relieved grin and nods, returning to her husband’s side. 

Spinning around, you walk in the opposite direction. 

Your head darts back and forth. 

You had entered into the side building, the one adjacent to the garden where the engagement party was being held. It’s empty save for the occasional workers or bystanders you pass, either trying to help set up or busy conversing with one another. However, you don’t find the head of dark hair and pair of doe eyes you’re trying to locate, simply left mulling if he had truly decided to leave. 

That is, until there’s a black tie resting near the soles of your feet. 

You pick it up in suspicion, instantly recognizing it as the same one Jungkook had donned when you had met him prior in the evening.

Peering around while gripping the tie, you wonder why it was so clumsily thrown onto the ground, as if he didn’t care about where it ended up–

The sound of retching startles you. 

You glance around, wondering if you had imagined it. But then you hear it – a low choked sob, and your feet are gyrating, ears keenly picking up on the sound.

Your feet falter for a moment, having stopped right in front of the men’s bathroom. 

Biting down your bottom lip, you cautiously push against the door, darting your pupils around. 

It's completely empty, save for one stall in the far corner.

Your heels click against the ground, turning to face it. Noticing it slightly open, you raise your hand, preparing to knock and ask him if he was okay, if he has perhaps consumed too much alcohol than expected, or if he needed anything – infinite questions ready to tumble out of your lips.

But that’s when you feel a slight flutter against your foot. 

Peering down curiously, you breath hitches and you nearly stumble back. 

For there’s a fragrant and beautiful, bright yellow petal there. 

Hand quivering, you lightly push against the door. 

It opens, and your mouth falls agape at the sight. 

Jungkook is on his knees, hunched over the toilet, completely surrounded by yellow flowers. His eyes are squeezed shut, shudders running through his body and tears pooling into his eyes. Despite being very tall, his frame looks small and cramped, sweat clinging to his temples. 

You thought it was all fake, a disease so rare that it could be considered a myth. But the flowers spilling out from his coughing lips is enough to reel you back into reality, cementing that it was all true – all the puzzling pieces of information stemming from the rumors, all the hushed whispers of unrequited love. 

You were wrong, so utterly wrong. 

Your hands cover your mouth, voice only managing to come out in a shakingly whisper. 

“O-Oh my god….” 

Jungkook heaves as the last flower slips out, finally noticing your presence as his eyes snap back. 

Your widened ones make contact with his half-lidded orbs, which expand into complete horror. 

***

You don’t remember how long it took – how long you merely stood there, glancing at his horror stricken irises with a mix of terror and confusion in your own. You had watched as his eyes diverted away, a deep flush coating his skin as he had leaned back, gripping the edge of the wall for dear support. 

“Tulips.” You had murmured, “Aera’s–”

“Favorite flower.” He croaks, a harsh rasp to his voice. His quivering hands reach out, attempting to scoop up the remaining flowers on the ground. 

His pupils widened when your shaking ones reached out as well, gaze concentrated as you discard them into the toilet can. But he continues, ensuring each and every single petal had been collected before rising to his feet, wobbling a bit as he turns to flush the contents away for good. 

You had quietly trailed out of the bathroom, walking behind his light footsteps.

A moment of silence overtakes you as you reach the opposite side of the building, far from where there are guests celebrating the new engagement. The fresh breeze weaves through your hair, nipping at your skin and offering a change of atmosphere. 

Jungkook seems to like it as well, a content sigh leaving him as opposed to the profuse spilling of flowers inside a cramped stall he was experiencing just moments ago. 

A thousand questions are ready to burst out from you, but amongst them is one that already has an answer.

“I-Is it…” You warily gaze at him, “...Aera?”

Jungkook visibly gulps, fear echoing deep in his doe irises. You’re startled when he snatches onto your wrist, grip tightening as his eyes desperately scan your expression. 

“Please…” He inhales, “Please don’t tell her...” 

You slowly nod, gaze still trained on him as his shoulders slump down, relief flooding his body. 

Your voice drops into a whisper, “H-How long has this been going on…?” 

Jungkook’s lip thin out, and his gaze is on the ground. 

Sucking in a breath, he reveals the answer that has a harsh gasp escaping you. 

“A year.” 

“A year?!” You sharply repeat, “Jungkook, how are you still alive?” 

Your coworker had been quietly suffering the effects for a whole entire year, delving within his own misery and attempting to live a normal life as the disease ate away at him. 

He shakes his head, like he didn’t want your thoughts invading his mind, “Why haven’t you just gotten the surgery?”

“I-I can’t…” He whispers, brows furrowing. 

“Why not?” You press forward, concern filling you to the brim, “The rumors say that hanahaki consumes the individual’s lungs within a year, leading their entire system to shut down–”

“Because I can’t, Y/N.” His words are louder and firmer, but there’s guilt swimming in his orbs. “I…I don’t want to forget her.” 

Your lips pursue, knowing what the rumors had to say about the surgery. That along with all the flowers, each and every memory is taken, ripped out of the patient’s mind until they have no more recollection of the feelings, the love they had once felt for their person.

Which means Jungkook’s only other alternative would be for Aera to reciprocate his feelings. 

Your stomach churns, guilt radiating out from you. 

“She can’t love you back…” You whisper and Jungkook’s eyes snap up, brimming with despair. 

“She’s engaged now, and I…I can't take it all away from her,” He hurriedly explains, voice shrinking down into an anguished whisper, “Not when I love her so much...” 

“But…are you just going to let yourself die?” 

He has no other option. The fonder his heart grows, so do the petals, spreading out within his airway until his breathing is completely constricted. Without the removal surgery or reciprocated feelings, he’s caged – left to fight the disease on his own until he ultimately succumbs to it, drawing out his last breath in the name of the same love.

Jungkook is silent, your words lingering within the empty space between you. 

He continues to remain silent, but then his features twist and something snaps. 

His eyes are glossed over, shoulders hunched as he chokes out a sob. 

You’re startled, but you realize it then and there. 

He knows he’s resigned to his fate and at this point, all he can do is receive the illness that’s marred his pathway with flowers.

You’re not very close to Jungkook, but it doesn’t hold you back from outstretching your arms, hands wrapping around his torso as the tears stream down his eyes, form violently trembling.

Aera’s eyes had sparked up when you returned with Jungkook following suit. You watch with dismay as he places a hand on her shoulder, a weak smile on his lips. Jungkook’s condition is obvious, there’s dark circles underneath his eyes, his skin pale and fatigue running deep in his shoulders. But he continues to pose for the photo, not ignoring Aera’s plea to take more with her husband.

Sunoo stands on the other side of them, sharing Aera’s tender smile when she glances at him. Jungkook’s lip twitches, smile slightly faltering. 

As the evening draws to an end, your gaze is attached to Jungkook’s every movement, watching him turn on his heels and begin to take the various decorations down. All as Aera and Sunoo have their arms wrapped around each other, fondly staring down at the rings on their hands.

A bitter taste lingers on your lips.

It stays for a while – even as you���re knocking on Jungkook’s door the next day. 

To be honest, you’re not sure what you're trying to accomplish. Jungkook and you were merely coworkers, bypassing each other occasionally or conversing through cubicles when work called for it. 

But there’s a piece of you deep inside that can't help but feel awful. Awful that in a way you were the one to resign him to the fate of his disease with your own actions, pointing out to Aera that there was a guy you knew back in your college days together that would be her type, even helping out to get his number for her.

Conversely, even though you weren't aware of Jungkook’s existence in her life, the image of him hunched over, trembling as the flowers endlessly poured around and circled his sobbing form, is hauntingly ingrained inside your mind, a deep chill running through your spine anytime the memory plays. 

The door swings open, revealing a started Jungkook. 

Knowing what you know now, makes it hard to look at him. He still looks exhausted, the deep circles underneath his eyes ever most present and his skin drained of life. You suspect he’s even lost weight from the last handful of times you’ve seen him at work, the disease taking its sweet time to slowly break him down, bit by bit, till his lungs are full and bursting with flowers. 

“W-What are you doing here?” 

You take in a deep breath, “You’re off from work, right? To be here for the wedding.” 

Aera’s wedding is closer to the end of the month, set seven days after the engagement. 

Seven days left until hanahaki runs its full course of a year, the victim falling prey to its effects and their lungs being forever constricted. 

He slowly nods, “I thought we could go out, do something aside from wedding preparations.” 

Jungkook goes silent and you gnaw on your bottom lip. You knew that the wedding plans were still going on, that Aera would need assistance from the two of you, but you know he’s spending all this time helping the very person he loves, without ever getting to be with her.

You wonder if he’ll protest, if he’ll remark that she needs him and that he needs her, that there’s no way he can halt the planning process for his own needs.

But Jungkook heavily exhales, and you wonder if he can see the pity in your eyes. 

“Okay.” He simply utters, much to your surprise. He widens the door, letting you in before swiveling, attempting to look for his jacket. 

You stand rather awkwardly by the front of his apartment, pleasantly surprised to find the black and white layout of the place, with everything appearing meticulously organized. It’s almost too clean, not a speck of dirt in sight. 

However, the layout seems too simplistic, the black and white not contrasting well with the sunlight that tries to pour in, appearing more bleak and empty for your own liking. 

It feels lonely. 

You press your lips together, a grimace running through you. How long has he been quietly suffering by himself, keeping distance from others? The Jungkook you know wouldn’t even attend events or go out for drinks with everyone else post-work, but now he’s submerged within guests everyday and next to the person he loves, suppressing flowers from spewing out.

Jungkook emerges soon, throwing on a black jacket. Stepping outside with you, he lets out a sharp cough, rubbing his throat with a wince.

“Where to?” He ponders, looking at you with his big doe eyes.

You shrug, “Coffee?” 

He nods, and you lead him to the local coffee shop you’ve frequented a couple of times after work, one that’s more closed in and has cozy booths. It isn't popular by any means, only a few individuals occupying the seats, but it’s something you notice Jungkook relishes in from the corner of your eyes, form visibly easing from the low amount of prying looks. 

You order your drinks, asking Jungkook what he wanted and he simply murmurs that anything was okay. Within minutes, two lattes are handed to you and you join him by the booth he’s seated at, a deep frown marring your lips.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and you wince, pushing the drink closer to him. 

“Sorry…I didn’t realize this cafe also did coffee art.” 

Jungkook's eyes are wide as the drink comes in front of him, a foamy little white heart greeting his line of vision.

The corner of his mouth curls up. 

“It’s okay.” He remarks, “I think it’s rather cute.” 

You look at him in surprise, but he’s already bringing the drink up to his lips, cautiously taking a sip from the heated mixture.

The words blurt out before you can stop them.

“I’m really sorry.” 

He halts, placing the drink down. “Y/N, I said it was okay–”

“No, not that.” You harshly swallow, “I-I’m sorry…about Aera…” 

He stares at you perplexed and you explain, “I was the one to bring her and Sunoo together. I knew both of them and thought they would work well as a couple.” 

Your eyes flutter shut, biting down on your lip, “If only I had known about your relationship with her, I could have–”

“Y/N.” He stops your train of thought, hand brushing against yours. You immediately stare down at it, and he notices, sheepishly removing it in an instant as his complexion dusts pink. 

He clears his throat, “Don’t apologize. Me and Aera…we were never meant to be, even if you stepped in.” 

You stare at him, “We were friends for years…and even as I came to realize my feelings recently, Aera never once felt the same for me, no matter what I did.” He chuckles bitterly, “I was always Jungkook, her childhood friend, and nothing more.” 

Anguish spreads over his features and your heart sinks. You can imagine a younger Jungkook, gaze filled with adoration and affection for the girl, desperately seeking for something, anything to be similarly reflected in her own eyes. 

Remorse flickers over you, “But I can imagine Sunoo’s sudden appearance wasn’t all that great for you...” 

Jungkook’s gaze falls down, a soft yet wistful smile on his lips. “It confirmed a lot for me, mainly that this disease was going to turn out to be more permanent than I had initially assumed.” 

You bite back your words, wanting to tell him that it isn’t just permanent, that the disease would reside with him until he finally succumbs to it. 

But you can’t bring yourself to, not when there’s so much hurt swirling in his eyes, the disease already physically manifesting itself against his own wishes.

At his silence, you sit up straighter, desperate to change the topic of conversation you had to spring up.

“What do you do outside of work?” You question, “Do you have any hobbies or anything?” 

Anything you do to cope? – you can only silently wonder. 

Your questions catches him off guard. “Not really…” He deeply ponders, “At the most, I’ve been just working…and of course, helping Aera when I had time off.” 

You nod, features twisting. But then his eyes light up.

“Sometimes I like to game.” 

“Game?” You blink and he slowly nods, sipping down on his latte. “I could have never taken you for a gamer.” 

Something you wouldn’t have expected from the quiet man who would bump shoulders with you at work. 

“It’s fun, I like playing games online.” He states, “It helps not having to worry about…” 

His face sours as he gestures to himself and you quickly nod, not wanting him the chance to fill in the blanks. 

“Maybe you could show me sometime.” You suggest, and he looks at you surprised. To be fair, you don’t know the first thing about online gaming, but watching Jungkook’s expression change, having some spark of joy, is too much for you to miss out on.

A soft smile lines his lips. “Sure.”

You mimic his smile, bringing the remains of the latte to your lips.

Aera is to be married soon, Jungkook knows that. 

As such, he’s aware that moments with her are consistent, that she gazes into his eyes with a wide smile regularly, making his heart skip far too many beats. 

But what he is pleasantly unaware of is just how involved you are, unabashedly seeking him out when you need assistance with picking up favors for the wedding. 

“There should be at least a hundred candles wrapped with thank you notes,” You mumble, brows furrowed together as you read the text off your phone. The sun is bright and shining down, a light breeze lingering in the air that truthfully makes his chest feel lighter. 

You glance up, confused eyes connecting with his wide ones. “I can’t open them to check, right?” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t think so.” 

“But then how do I know they made them properly?” You gesture towards the box resting before his feet in exasperation. 

Letting out a huff, you shake your head. “I swear, this whole wedding business is so much more complicated than it really needs to be.” 

A light chuckle resonates through the air and you stare at Jungkook in astonishment, watching at how the corners of his eyes crinkle. 

“Believe me, I know.” He chides, leaning down to pick up the box. “I’ve been helping to plan this wedding for months.” 

“For months?” You question in puzzlement, reaching out to help him balance it. However, he pushes your hands away, gesturing for you to let him carry it. 

You frown, but oblige when he starts to walk. “That must have been so stressful. I’ve been only helping out for the last couple of weeks and it’s already making me want to rip my hair out.”

The corners of his lips tugs up and you continue, the words escaping you before you can stop. “Why would you go to such lengths?” 

You freeze in an instant, already knowing the reason as to why.

“–Sorry,” You quickly retract, “I-I didn’t mean it like that…”

Jungkook shakes his head, almost feeling something akin to amusement. 

His condition is supposed to be a secret, a taboo of a disease and something he’s never uttered a single word to another soul. He supposes that you’re different, that you weren’t someone he told out of his own volition, but rather someone that stumbled upon it. 

Which gives him no reason to hide from you. That, and the fact that you’re so mindful about his potential reactions. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He simply says, but picks up on the curiosity swirling within your orbs. 

“If I can ask…how difficult has it been? Planning all this and dealing with…” 

You wave your finger into the air, letting the sentence complete itself and it makes him want to smile. 

“It’s kind of hard to explain…” He murmurs, falling deep into thought, “I know Aera doesn’t love me, but I still want to see her happy, you know?” 

A low chuckle leaves him, gaze downcasting. “I guess that makes me sound really stupid.” 

“No, not at all.” You justify, “You’re right, it’s hard to explain and even harder for someone like me to understand, but you’ve known Aera for so long, and I can imagine that you care a lot about her…” 

 – and that your love runs deeper than you probably would have imagined – you silently think. 

He hums, glancing around as you cross the street together, your eyes focusing onto his backside. 

After a moment of contemplation, you speak up.

“You know, I really hope I’m not causing you any trouble.” You explain, “I know talking about it can be–” 

“It’s okay.” He replies, “I don’t mind, you’re…really easy to talk to.

You’re surprised by the soft smile he holds while glancing in your direction, but it’s one that you don’t hesitate to return.

A bright yellow flower lands right in front of your face. 

You and Jungkook both jolt, the elderly woman in front of you holding a wide grin. It’s only then you realize that you’re near a boutique, selling flowers to those passing by.

“These beautiful tulips are fresh,” She states, attempting to play matchmaker as both you and Jungkook flush, “It’s said they represent unconditional love.” 

You blink, the scent of the flowers being shoved right into your faces. Jungkook stills, holding in his breath as his form slightly trembles.

You clear your throat immediately, pushing them away. 

“We’re okay.” You take a step back, “I’m allergic to flowers.” 

She grimaces, realization donning upon her that neither of you meant business. You don’t think twice, grabbing Jungkook's wrist and whisking him away from the deeply fragrant area.

It’s only when you walk a good handful of steps away that Jungkook tugs on you, a sheepish look on his features that has your confused eyes widening.

You let go of him, “Sorry.” 

He softly shakes his head. “It’s okay.” 

His head turns, gaze concentrated on the store from a distance. 

The next question leaving his lips has you taken aback, “What’s your favorite flower, Y/N?” 

You deeply mull over it, drawing a blank. “I-I can’t say I have one….” 

He ponders over it and your eyes flicker over to him, “What about you?” 

“Ah–” He lightly laughs, scratching the back of his neck. Your eyes widen when he places the box down and takes hold of his sleeve, rolling it back a few inches.

An array of images greet you immediately, but among them is a giant orangish-red flower carved into his forearm. 

“It’s my birth flower.” He informs. 

You stare at it in pure awe and wonder, the ink swirling his skin beautifully. 

Your voice comes out in a whisper, “What is it called?” 

“The tiger flower.” 

You hum, still looking at it in fascination. “Wow…it’s amazing.” 

Jungkook silently watches, oddly feeling exposed for suddenly revealing an important piece of himself to you. But as he notices your irises brightening and lips curving up, he can’t help but warmly smile, his chest swelling with pride underneath your observations.

Ending up at Jungkook’s apartment becomes a staple for you. 

You don’t know how or when, but through figuring out the delivery for the cake to ensuring you had enough tables for the RSVP'd guests, your messages to Jungkook would occasionally stray over to pondering over how he was doing. His responses always ended in simple reassurances, much to your own dismay, but then he would stray too, bringing up that if you ever felt like coming over again, you could. 

At first, you didn’t want to be rude by declining, but then it became to the point where Jungkook expects you, swinging open to his door non-chantlently.

“Did you eat yet?” 

Entering inside, you shake your head and he turns, heading into his kitchen. You glance around, ultimately deciding to sit on his couch. 

There’s a table right next to it, a handful of picture frames that have your heart twisting. 

They stand out in the midst of his bleak apartment, having an odd touch of hearth to them. There’s different age ranges – roughly around ages nine, twelve, fifteen – all of Aera and Jungkook together. There’s ones of them as small children, bright eyed with huge smiles, to ones where they’re a bit older, smiles turning warm and eyes tender. You muse at how adorable Jungkook looked when he was younger, a light to his crinkled eyes that you don’t really see much anymore.

His footsteps pad into the room, two bowls of instant ramen in his hands. You swivel around and his eyes catch the movement, but if anything he’s learned, it’s that you’re naturally very curious, surprise not even crossing him.

“We can go to my room,” He gestures to the doorway across the hall, “I already have my computer set up.” 

You frown, rising from your seat and following behind him. The room is dark, all the lights turned off save for some sunlight peeking through his black drapes, and you’re astonished to find his room just as organized as the rest of his apartment. 

Off to the side, there’s a bright lit screen alongside a keyboard that glows different colors. 

“Woah.” You mutter and Jungkook hands you your instant ramen, before sitting on the large gaming chair and pulling a seat up for you.

You slurp on your noodles as the game loads. Once it does, his hand revolves around the settings for a moment before he dives into action, his fingertips tapping at an incredible speed across the keyboard and mouse furiously clicking. He seems completely zoned into the game, almost like he had forgotten where he was for a moment.

Nonetheless, you watch with wide eyes as he effortlessly wins the first round, hands coming around to search for his own ramen. He continues to keep playing, pupils never once leaving the monitor and you’re fascinated with how well he’s able to multitask. 

His eyes connect with yours, a grin surfacing on his lips. “Want to try?” 

Unease fills you, “I don’t know, I’m not the greatest with games–”

“You’ll be fine.” He insists and you nervously nod, giving into his wishes. He gently guides your hand over the mouse, watching you attempting to shoot things with terrible coordination. 

It’s when you accidentally shoot someone that was trying to heal you that Jungkook bursts into laughter, a beautiful melodious tone that echoes off the walls. 

“I told you I’m terrible!” You protest with a pout, and his laughter still bubbles as he moves behind you. 

“Here, let me show you.” His hand laces over yours, effortlessly navigating your character. 

You smile at the assistance, watching him cross all the hurdles and play infinitely better in comparison. 

You turn to remark about it, but the words die in your throat. 

His face is inches away from you, something he notices right away too. Neither of you move, the sounds coming from the game lingering in the background.

Jungkook shifts and you instantly move, your hand hitting your container of noodles. 

It spills onto the ground and you immediately get up, clearing your throat.

“I-I’ll go get something to clean it up.” Jungkook simply nods, watching your backside disappear. 

You head straight into his kitchen, pressing a hand against your racing heart. Deeply inhaling and exhaling, you glance around for a cloth, locating it on the edge of the counter immediately and turning back. 

The doorbell rings. 

You blink, hearing the loud sounds of the game coming from Jungkook’s room and wondering if you had imagined it. But then it rings again and you scramble forward, grasping onto the knob.

The sight before you shock you to your core. 

Aera stands in front of you, arms crossed and her orbs tinged with cracks of red. They widen at the appearance of you, the shock scattering over her features reflecting your own. 

“Y/N?” 

“Aera?” You blurt out, wondering what she was doing here. 

Her grand wedding is supposed to be in three days, and here she was. 

Jungkook’s voice cuts through, “Y/N? Is everything oka–” 

You hear his footsteps pad through the apartment before his breath hitches. Aera steps right in at the sight of him, walking straight past you and throwing her arms around his torso. 

She sobs loudly and Jungkook’s pupils quiver, making direct eye contact with your confused ones, before awkwardly wrapping his arms around her. 

There’s a painful tinge in the center of your chest, but you ignore it. 

“S-Sunoo–” Aera sputters out, clutching onto Jungkook tighter. “S-Sunoo and I….we had a fight!”

Jungkook can barely muster out any words, harshly swallowing. Your eyes widen at the reaction, and it’s not long before a cough leaves his lips. 

You step forward, placing your hand on her back. “Aera, how about we take this outside?” 

Her head tilts, like she had just noticed you’re also in the room. 

At her silence, you slowly peel her hands off of Jungkook, who quickly scurries away into the confines of his room.

Aera’s taken aback with response, but nonetheless follows you like a lost puppy.

The moment you’re outside the apartment, she spills. “We ended up fighting, Y/N! Can you imagine?!”

She sobs more, eyes connecting with the door behind you. 

“Why won’t Jungkook come out?” 

“He’s…not feeling the best.” You wince, unable to come up with a better answer. “You know, you should check in on him every now and then.” 

Images of the splattered flowers echo through your mind. 

“What’s there to check?” She chuckles, sniffling and wiping her tears, “Jungkook’s always fine.”

Your chest tightens, something unfamiliar brewing. 

“No one’s ever always fine.” You grit. 

Even if his symptoms weren’t so painfully obvious, there was no way to simply dismiss it all as something mere like work fatigue. 

Aera eyes you, baffled by your tone, “Since when have the two of you gotten close?” 

You open your mouth a couple of times – unable to muster the exact words for an answer. However, you relent, shaking it away and opting to ask her about Sunoo instead, to which she gladly focuses on. 

***

You spend a considerable amount of time coaxing Aera that Sunoo still loved her and that being stressed about wedding planning was completely normal. 

She cries continuously and you pat her back, sprouting as much reassurance as you can all while bypassing any of her further inquiries about Jungkook. It seems to help, because soon she’s nodding in agreement as the tears within her eyes begin to dry. 

She departs and you manage to head back into the apartment, exhausted beyond belief. 

But Jungkook lingers in your mind. 

You bolt into his room, heading directly into the connecting bathroom. The door whips open, and your heart clenches at the sight before you.

There’s bright yellow tulips. Everywhere. And Jungkook is in the middle of them, form slouched against the wall with his eyes squeezed shut and sweat sticking to his temples. 

You immediately crouch down, placing his weak arm around your neck and helping him to his feet. When he sways, you let him lean his weight against you. 

Sitting him down onto his bed, you withdraw into the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water. Reentering the bedroom, his gaze is downcasted and you silently hand him the drink, watching his fingertips curl around the cup. 

You then walk back into the bathroom, taking every piece of petal that’s been scattered and throwing it into the toilet can. You flush it down the drain as Jungkook sips on the water, quietly watching you from afar. 

You sit down next to him with a deep sigh, silence overtaking the dark room. 

A shuddering breath leaves him. 

“I started to forget…” He croaks, grasping your attention immediately, “I actually managed to forget about everything for once. The engagement, the wedding, her…” 

You remorsefully watch as his eyes flutter shut, noticing the single tear that rolls down his cheek. It propels you to shift forward, wrapping your arms around him comfortingly. 

He leans into your touch, head resting on your shoulder and his arm curling around your waist. 

There’s a thought that lingers in the back of your mind, seemingly growing louder and louder with every passing minute. 

“You know…” He lets out a low hum and you continue, willing all your courage together. “I ended up thinking about a third alternative in curing you.” 

Within a heartbeat, he mumbles – “What was it?” 

Sucking in a sharp inhale, you let it out. 

“For you to fall in love…with someone else.” 

His breath hitches, form stiffening underneath your fingertips. You part from him and he slowly raises his head, staring at you impassively. 

You fidget underneath his gaze, unable to read his thoughts. 

After what feels like an eternity, you slowly pull yourself away from him. It was wrong of you to bring it up and you want to curse yourself for thinking otherwise. 

Shuffling your feet, you stand up. 

Jungkook’s hand clasps onto yours, tugging you towards him in an instant. Your eyes morph with surprise, but then his lips collide with yours. 

It steals your breath away, warmth flooding through you and making you melt at his touch. He tentatively moves against you, lips softly brushing against your own. 

He pulls back for a split second, chest rising and falling. But you lean forward, pressing your lips against his once again. 

And that’s all it takes to drown. 

Jungkook litters kisses all down your jaw and neck, and you find yourself stumbling backwards, back hitting his mattress. It’s only a matter of a few moments before his torso is hovering over you, and you reach up, clutching onto his shoulders. 

Your clothes scatter across the room and Jungkook’s bare chest presses against you. He marks your skin in the shape of his lips, all while his name profusely tumbles out of your own. He pushes into you, gently at first, like he has something to prove. You accept him fully, nails sinking into his back as you both climax, an onslaught of gasps and moans escaping the two of you. 

His arm wraps securely around your waist, and you're lulled into a deep sleep.

You’re woken to the sound of retching.

A gasp parts from your lips, and you immediately scramble up from the bed, dressed in only the shirt Jungkook had been wearing the night before. You stumble into the bathroom, finding Jungkook hunched over and surrounded with the yellow flowers once again. 

However, your breath hitches. 

Because this time there’s more of them, and they're all splattered with drops of scarlet.

“Jungkook!” You exclaim, knees buckling down. Placing your hand on his shaking back, you rub it up and down comfortingly. 

“I-I was starting to feel b-better…” He chokes out in defeat, hands clutching onto the toilet. A cluster of coughs leave him, his voice disappearing as more and more red stained flowers overflow out.

You attempt to coax him, features twisted from watching him be contorted in so much pain. “It’s okay, Jungkook.” Your hold on him is firm, “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry, we’ll–” 

“Y-You don’t understand….” He cries out, "I-I can't, Y/N…."

A deep furrow in your brows form and Jungkook shakes his head, eyes shut as his forehead lulls down, “I-I can’t do this anymore….I-I’m still in love with her."

It feels like someone’s just stabbed you in the heart.

Jungkook doesn’t look at you, entangled in too much shame and agony to dare raise his head and say the same words with your eyes meeting his. The same pair of eyes that discovered him one day and reached out, not letting him stumble on his own anymore.

Orbs glossing over, you rise with shaky legs. The feeling in the pit of your chest twists and knots, spreading through you like a deep ache. 

Jungkook can’t say anything, not even at the sound of you grabbing your clothes, the unevenness of your footsteps against his carpet, or the door shutting on your way out from his apartment, the frequency echoing off the walls. His gaze remains fixated on the flowers, even plucking one completely smeared in red, wondering why fate was always so cruel to him – why, in his mind when he’s smiling and laughing with you, Aera’s warm eyes and big smile show up there instead, forever imprinted into his brain.

***

You stagger on your way home. 

A stream of hot tears roll down your face, with harsh breaths shuddering out of you. Your sobs are thundering and violent, racking through your entire form. 

There’s a thousand emotions running through you, leaving your mind completely numb and your body feeling like it’s breaking, scattering into pieces. You wonder how you could have let it gotten to this point, wonder how you could have been so foolish. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you soon arrive at your apartment complex. You can barely unlock the front door, gasping as you stumble in. 

You fall right at the entrance, clawing your hands around your throat, eyes rapidly darting and flickering everywhere. The pain accelerates, winding tortuously over and over around your windpipe. 

The cord snaps. 

A sharp chain of coughs leaves your lips, vibrating down your throat and through your lungs. It morphs into a retch and the contents come spilling forth before you can even blink. 

Deeply heaving, you can only stare helplessly at the clutter of bright orangish-red tiger flowers before you. 

Love is twisted. 

It threatens to find you unexpectedly, spontaneously making you crumble within seconds. It’s a spur of the moment, welcoming in painful affection. Love at first sight, that withers into petals of grief. Or simply an unexpected encounter, getting spun into something that turns your entire world upside down. 

It develops, it grows. It becomes so much more, rendering you weak and constricting your breathing, just as the mere thought of it makes you feel sick. 

Until of course, it becomes long term, a trail of flowers never leaving your side. 

You don’t see Jungkook for the remaining days until the wedding, avoiding him like the plague. He doesn’t reach out, keeping to himself like he’s always done. 

However, running into him at the wedding now, is a completely different story. 

He’s dressed in a sleek fitted black suit, his hair styled and pushed back. He’s working alongside the caterer, a crease in between his brows as he ensures the food arrives in a timely manner. 

You had just entered the venue, eyes scanning around for any indication of where Aera might be. 

As cruel as fate would be, your eyes suddenly find his. 

You attempt to look away, but it only takes three steps for Jungkook to be right in front of you. 

He looks the same, his skin pale and dark circles still underneath his eyes, tiredness running deep through him. 

He opens and closes his mouth several times, before quietly asking a question that has you nearly coughing. 

“Are…are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Your voice comes out croaked, immediately taking a step back from him. He catches the movement and you notice it right away – the way his eyes scan all over your face.

You wonder if he can see the fatigue in your shoulders, wonder if he can see the bags starting to form under your eyes, or how pale you seem to have gotten. Wonder if he knows you were throwing up just this morning, mind swirling with thoughts of him and lungs brimming with flowers, unable to loosen the imprint he’s left.

“Are you sure? I–” He reaches out and you flinch, but then a call of your name has you spinning around. 

“Aera has been looking for you two.” A woman you instantly recognize as her mother, informs. You nod, ignoring the pleading look in Jungkook’s eyes that just makes your lungs constrict.

After all, you were here for someone else entirely. 

But when you and Jungkook follow her into a side room to see Aera completely decked out in a lavious white wedding dress, you can only harshly swallow. 

“Y-You look amazing.” You sputter out, and she has a huge, radiant smile. 

“Isn’t it lovely?” She chuckles, “I can’t wait until you get married and wear one too, Y/N!” 

You know she means well, but your lips are pursued together, not a single word slipping out as you numbingly nod. 

She turns to Jungkook, her smile widening, “What do you think, Kookie?” 

It catches Jungkook off guard, his gaze previously on you.

A small smile laces on his lips and he answers her genuinely. 

“It’s lovely on you, Aera. You look very beautiful.” 

She giggles, looping her arm around his. 

But you can see everything. 

Jungkook’s eyes are tender and warm, fondness radiating out from every fiber of his body. He holds her gently, as if treasuring her was his uttermost priority. 

Your breath hitches, a wave of nausea hitting you. There’s nothing you can mutter except a quiet ‘excuse me’ as you’re racing out of the room, hand clamping against your mouth and feet hurriedly filtering through the venue. 

You don’t even find a bathroom, yanking open the door to a staff closet before you stumble down, tiger flowers bursting out of your lips. Water builds up in your eyes, hand clutching onto your chest as the retching continues, a deep burn being left behind. 

It’s when the flowers slow down, decreasing in volume that you manage to swipe some of the sweat trailing down your temples. Your vision finally focuses through all the tears, small coughs still trembling through your windpipe. 

A small gasp behind you has you freezing. 

Your half-lidded eyes snap back, finding Jungkook's paralyzed ones. A hand is covering his mouth, his voice quivering.

“Oh my god….” 

You don’t have the strength to will your voice to work, barely able to breath in and out with your congested airflow. Jungkook falls to his knees, eyes scanning all over the flowers before flickering up to you. 

“You–” He begins, form frantic. “In here…the f-flowers….” 

His hand plucks up on the tiger flower, perfectly matching the ink on his skin. 

He lets go of the flower and it flutters down to you. His lips move, horror transfixed in his eyes as the realization dawns onto him, hitting him all at once.

“I-I broke you….” 

You sniffle, arm coming up to swipe away the tears that have collected in your eyes. But Jungkook is faster, the pads of his thumbs immediately coming up to cup your face, gently brushing them away.

You look up, gaze locked onto his. And you can see everything. 

He understands – his pain reflecting yours. 

“Jungkook!” He sucks in a breath, head swiveling around to a voice echoing out from the closet. “Where have you been? Everyone’s already taken their seats.” 

“I-I’ll be right there.” He turns to you, but you’re already scooping the flowers up, tucking them into a bag that you found nearby. Jungkook silently joins you, helping you until the closet is completely clear of any trace of them. 

You leave before him, not exchanging one word. 

The wedding commences. 

You have taken your seat at the front, having a full display of the event right before you. Jungkook sits a row behind you, and you’re grateful at not having to be so close to him for the long duration. 

Because as much as you can acknowledge the shared pain you hold – you know that the existence for Jungkook's is why you’re gathered here today, and you know that yours is just sitting a row away.

He will never love you like you do him. Aera will never love him like he does her.

The ceremony begins and you look up, gazing at the couple you’ve come to see tie the knot. The marriage officiant speaks up, going through each and every piece of what will bring them together. Your eyes are focused, but ever so and then, they furrow at Aera.

Not because of envy, but rather, it’s like her eyes are wavering, prodding around in the audience instead.

What is she doing? 

You wonder, only seeing her glance at Sunoo a couple of times or breaking out of her daze to repeat the officiant words. 

It’s almost like she’s focused on–

Your eyes trail, following her field of vision until it lands straight on Jungkook. And you’re even more caught off guard when you find out where his gaze is directed. 

He’s looking at you, eyes not wavering even when you catch him.

You flush at the realization, quickly averting your eyes to focus back onto the couple. Thankfully, it soon draws to an end and the officiant wraps up the ceremony.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Sunoo leans in and Aera smiles, as does the officiant. 

He pronounces them as husband and wife and a big cheer erupts from the guests. Everyone claps – including you and the couple descends down, interacting with those that have attended their wedding.

You take up the opportunity to depart, desperately needing some fresh air and Jungkook catches onto the action.

“Jungkook!” Aera exclaims, leaving Sunoo’s side and looping her arm around his, “Come on! I want a pictur–” 

“Not now, Aera.” He winces with an apologetic smile, feet headed after the direction you’ve left in. Aera watches in complete disbelief, not even hearing Sunoo call out her name. 

His steps are quickened, eyes darting back and forth. He bumps into a couple of guests on the way out, simply giving them a quick smile before he resumes trudging against the tiled floor.

His heart is racing, so much to the point where it feels like it might burst.

Within minutes, he finds your backside on a bench outside near the venue, shoulders hunched and making your form appear smaller than ever.

“Y/N?” He breathes out, slowly walking towards you.

“J-Jungkook?” You swivel, startled that he had followed you out here. 

He stands in front of you, kneeling down. The eye contact makes you flinch, an uncomfortable sensation churning in your chest the longer he looks at you. 

But before you can run away, before you can even search for a place to empty out the flowers threatening to spill from your throat, he leans forward. 

He leans forward, and his lips collide with your own. 

You softly gasp, heat brushing on your cheeks. It feels just like the first time you shared a kiss with him, warmth flooding through you. 

Your trembling hands reach out, tugging him closer. 

He places his own on top of yours, holding them as lips moving fervently against yours. 

You feel it all – the delicate flowers blooming within your chest, the hues of orangish-red coloring your windpipe, the itch to push him away spiking more than ever.

But you part from him with a different reason altogether. 

A sharp breath escapes you, airflow flooding into your lungs. It feels easier to inhale and exhale, no longer feeling like there was something constricting and blocking your windpipe.

As your chest rises and falls sporadically, you stare at Jungkook in astonishment. He mimics the expression you hold, a twinkle beginning to spark in his eyes. 

Almost as if he were experiencing the same thing. 

“I-I can–” 

“Breathe?” He completes with a smile and you slowly nod, tears slipping out of your eyes. 

Jungkook wraps his arms around you comfortingly, his own eyes glossing over as you tremble. The pads of his thumbs come up to cup your face, gently brushing your tears away. 

He rises to his feet, reaching his hand out. You take it within a heartbeat, sniffling as he walks back into the venue with you. 

Your tender gazes occasionally meet, with soft smiles being exchanged. 

A sharp scream pierces through the air.

The two of you whirl around in an instant, noticing Aera's mother stepping out of the room in the frenzy.

“What happened?” You immediately ask, watching the woman’s shake her head frantically. 

She doesn’t answer you, too caught up in her own thoughts, “Oh, it’s terrible, so, so terrible–”

You frown, but Jungkook tugs on you, eyes staring straight into the room that she had left.

Stepping next to him, your eyes transfixed into horror.

Aera stands in the middle of the room, with Sunoo by her side – a plethora of tiger flowers and tulips surrounding the two of them. 

[hellbornsworld]

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS(4)๑‿︵‿୨

.⋆｡⋆ ༶ ⋆˙⊹ع˖⁺ ⋆ ୭ .⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹༺⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹.⋆｡⋆ ༶ ⋆˙⊹ع˖⁺ ع˖⁺

✿ When She Loved Me | CEO!JK X Reader | One-Shot | @jungkookstatts

✿ Sleepaway | Yandere!JK X Reader | Series | @flowesona

✿ Mine | Jungkook x Demon! Female Reader | One-shot | @playmetheclassics

✿ Your eyes tell | Yandere!JK X Reader | Twins AU | @angellgguk

✿ Noir | Daddy!JK x Little!Reader | @bonny-kookoo

✿ Love Is a Game: For Political Enemies | JK X Reader | @lleldey

✿ petals with luv | Emporer!Jungkook x PalaceWoman!Reader | Hanahaki AU | @hisunshiine

✿ a lover’s bond | jungkook x female reader | greek mythology! AU | @latetaektalk

✿ love in the dark | Ceo!JK X Reader | One-Shot | @spideyjimin

✿ Like I’m Famous | Idol!JK X Reader | One-Shot | long distance au | @softyoongiionly

✿ I’ll Be Home for Christmas | Pilot Jungkook x female OC | One-Shot | @bluewhale52

✿ Falling | jungkook x female reader | Soulmate AU | @starshapedkookie

✿ Pick Your Fighter | gamer!jk X gamer!reader | @jikookiekosmos

✿ angels like you | Jungkook X Reader | S2L | One-Shot | @aquagustd

✿ Killing me softly with his touch | JK X Reader | One-Shot | @borathae

✿ Bad Man | Badboy!JK X Reader | @bonny-kookoo

✿ The Monster in the Dark | yandere!sleep paralysisdemon!jjk X fem!Reader | One-Shot | @themochiverse

✿ S O U L M A T E S | Crackhead!Jk X Reader | Series | @smaubts

✿ bad romance | badboy!jungkook x goodgirl!reader | One-Shot | @noteguk

✿ No Guardian Angel | The Crow!Jungkook X Reader | @jiminstonic

✿ Love Letters | Prince!Jungkook × Maid!Reader | @bonny-kookoo

✿ LESSON I | YandereTeacher!jungkook x bully student fem!reader | Three-Shot | @redsaurrce

✿ RED | demon!jk x fem!reader | Series | @armpirate

✿ Follow the White Rabbit | idol! jungkook x idol! reader | @youthguk

✿ Ｎｕｍｂ ｔｏ Ｔｈｅ Ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ | Dark! Shitty! Yandere! Jeon Jungkook x Fem!Reader | One-Shot | @pynkgothicka

✿ Delivery Date | pizzadeliveryboy!jungkook x reader | One-Shot | @dntaewithluv

✿ Who is in control? | jk x reader | Drabble AU | @ctrlsht

✿ sweetest apparition | nerd!jungkook x popular!female reader | @jeonfiles

✿ m y s t r a n g e a d d i c t i o n | professor!jk X student!Reader | One-Shot | @joonberriess

✿ to err is to love | dilf!jk /ex husband!jk / ceo!jk x afab reader | Series | @jungkookschin

✿ polarity | BestFriendBF!JK X Reader | Series | @darkestcorners

✿ KILL TO KISS YOU | Yandere!Jungkook x Prostitute!Reader | One-Shot | @chummywchimmy

✿ Ode To The Nature Of Romance | Jungkook x Reader | @yeoldontknow

✿ Cabin in The Woods | Werewolf!Jungkook x Human!Reader | One-Shot | @girl8890

✿ Nothing was gonna stop me | Jeon Jungkook x Reader | One-Shot | @wildestdreamsblog

✿ Teacher’s Pet | professor/dilf!jungkook x student!reader | Series | @axigailxo

✿ prima nocta | king!jungkook, virgin!reader | royalty au | One-Shot | @yoon2k

✿ End of Time | Jungkook x Reader | Series | @deepdarkdelights

✿ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 | Yandere!JK X Reader | @euphoricfilter

✿ Paint | painter!jungkookxassistant!reader | @hongjoongscafe

✿ 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 & 𝑷𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒔 | environmentalist! jungkook x college student! reader | @miraclesatnightfall

✿ The Broken Vow | Husband!JK X Reader | One-Shot | @lleldey

✿ Euphoria | bad boy jungkook x librarian yn | @btsydtrash

✿ White Pearl | CEO Sugar daddy Jungkook x stripper sugar baby reader | @lovelyspring7

✿ just a little bit of your heart | JK X Reader | @chemicalpink

✿ imminent danger | jungkook x reader | @whatifyoulivelikethat

✿ Knockout | boxer!dad!jungkook x pregnant!reader | Drabble | @jvngkook97

✿ Please Love Me! | Frat President Jungkook x Succubus Reader | @icedmatchatae

✿ The Boyfriend Experience | Escort!Jungkook x Fem!Reader | @shina913

.⋆｡⋆ ༶ ⋆˙⊹ع˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ .⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹༺⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹.⋆｡⋆ ༶ ⋆˙⊹ع˖⁺

OTHER POSTS:

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION(1)

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION(2)

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS(3)

ALL BTS MEMBERS WATTPAD RECOMMENDATIONS(1)

BTS X READER WATTPAD RECOMMENDATIONS(2)

[leeknot]

Intro

MASTERLIST

Stray Kids

Chan

Bang Chan × reader × Lee Know (oneshot,smut,chan is a wolf hybrid)

Lee know

Bang Chan × reader × Lee Know (oneshot,smut,chan is a wolf hybrid)

Lee Know × reader (oneshot,psychological thriller)

Changbin

Nothing yet!

Hyunjin

Hyunjin × reader (oneshot,smut,snake hybrid hyunjin)

Han

Nothing yet!

Felix

Nothing yet!

Seungmin

Seungmin × reader (oneshot,angst,hanahaki disease)

I.N

Jeongin × reader (oneshot,smut,reader is a thief and jeongin is some sort of mafia)

OT8

OT8 × reader (oneshot,smut)

OT8 × reader (series,A/B/O au,fluff)

Enhypen

Heeseung

Heeseung × reader (series,yandere,highschool au)

Jay

Nothing yet!

Jake

Jake × reader (oneshot,smut,dragon jake)

Sunghoon

Sunghoon × reader (oneshot,smut)

Sunghoon × reader (oneshot,smut)

Sunoo

Nothing yet!

Jungwon

Jungwon × reader (oneshot,smut,reader is a mermaid and jungwon is some sort of pirate)

Ni-Ki

Ni Ki × reader (oneshot,smut)

Ni Ki × reader (oneshot,romance,ni ki is supposed to kill reader but instead he falls in love)

OT7

OT7 × reader (oneshot,smut)

OT7 × reader (series,dark psychology)

BTS

Jin

Nothing yet!

Yoongi

Yoongi × reader (oneshot,angst)

Hoseok

Nothing yet!

Namjoon

Namjoon × reader (oneshot,smut,demon namjoon)

Jimin

Jimin × reader (oneshot,smut,mafia!jimin,ballerina!reader)

Taehyung

Nothing yet!

Jungkook

Nothing yet!

OT7

OT7 × reader (oneshot,dark romance)

[blueberrykenn]

Kennie's Top 10 Yearly Fic Recommendations

Okay so this is the 2nd year of me doing this (but this year I wont delete) butttt I show my top 10 fic and authors for each member/group( some members of bts repeat due to the amount of poly fics I read and its what I mainly read) (A handful of these have smut so heres your warning)

(I would also love to be your guys friends as every single one of you seems absolutely amazing)

LETS GET STARTED

10. @guqwrvte Make it Three (Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung)

Oh where do I start with this fic I found it in the spring looking for a Soulmate fic and oh boy I was in for a ride THREE SOULMATES?! ummm YES and the arcade chapter was ABSOULELY AMAZING! I hope you're doing well Author!! as this fic hasn't been updated in a while

9. @yonkimint Without You (Yoongi with a side of Hoseok or "Jay")

OHHHH BOY When I wanted a love triangle I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED I found this fic in April looking for angst and ANGST I GOT without spoiling it its a Pregnancy/ Single Mom AU and one of the best ones Ive read in a longgggg time

8. @guksthighs Bloom (Yoongi)

OH BOY This is a recent one actually. This one shot was made SIX YEARS AGO?! OMG Hanahaki AUs are one of my favorites angst type of fics so when I read this I literally sobbed like a baby I cant say much else without spoiling it

7. @kimnjss cyberslut (Yoongi), less of you/VINTAGE (Jimin), Strawberry Kisses(Jungkook)

MISS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVES SINCE 2019 like when I first read beside you YESS I reread Cyberslut and HAD to include it but reading less of you in June as I was dealing with my own breakup it was a tear jerker towards the end of less of you, for me I wont spoil it but there a plot twist that I was not expecting towards the end of the sequel, Vintage. BUT STRAWBERRY KISSES OH MY GAHD I read that on my way home in August even though its a SMUTTY I enjoyed it a lot and the FLUFF I think some people looked at me crazy when I took the bus home that day

6. @skazoo if you tell me about yourself( Stray Kids' Felix)

Okay here me out! Demon Slayer. Its one of my favorite manga and anime series and with CHANBIN as a hashira UMMM YES ynand chanbin are literally Genya and Sanemi if Genya was a girl and not YK (demon slayer spoiler!!) eating demons, but this 2 parter was ABSOULTELY AMAZING

5. @ugh-yoongi a word from our sponsors (Namjoon)

How do you get a idoit podcasters to not realize they have feelings but read smut YOU GET THESE TWO MFERS This one shot was sooooooo good!! like I read a lot of smut but this? TOP TEIR OF ONESHOTS OF 2023

4. @sopebubbles Bulletproof Heart (2Seok)

THIS ROLLERCOASTER If I had to describe my childhood in fanfictions this one would be one (check #1 for the other) I wont say why because spoilers but this angst was OMG THE YOONGI HATE WAS UNREAL NOT MY YOONGLES but I loved it soooooooo much

3.@jihoonotes Yearning(SVT's Woozi)

Lee Jihoon is literally my ult bias. Do I need to say more? ITS WORTH THE READ

2. @solemnreads Way Back Home(Jungkook)

THIS FIC HAD ME FUCKING EVERYWHERE with the twins to CEO Kook THE JEALOUSLY I LOVE IT by far the best exes to lovers fic I read this year

before I tell yall #1 I wanna give an honorable mention to @purpleyoonn they would be on the main list if I was done reading you complete us BUTTTT RED STRING is amazing even though there only 2 parts so far

Okay Okay this should be expected if you been here for a bit

1.@theharrowing Literally anything they write but mainly Rose Tinted Obsessions and Collateral

Boy Blue and Collateral Taehyungs literally Remained me of In between Taehyung so much that I got inspired to write in between again everything I read from them is Absolutely Amazing, Top Tier just Yes DARK FICS are literally my go to so reading them had me sooooo happy and wanting more

[ts19009]

BTS FIC REC'S: PART 6

(CONTAINS SMUT AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)

(Bold title means favorite)

(UPDATED: September 4th, 2023)

Jungkook

order up | jjk (waiter!jungkook x customer!reader) @ressjeon

my euphoria | jjk [fake dating au ; ceo jjk x florist oc] @moyochu

The Broken Vow (manipulation, yandere, hospitals, divorce, mentions of death, angst,) @lleldey

game over (streamer/gamer!au) @ressjeon

the road to radiant | jjk (m) (fluff, angst, smut, gamer!au, streamer!au, rivals to friends to lovers!au) @kookskingdom

The Language of Flowers (Hanahaki AU) @justimajin

dance with the devil | jjk (angst, royalty - bridgerton vibes, childhood friends to enemies to ?luvrs?) @alphabetboyluvr

Not in the Way You Think (ChildHoodFriendsToLovers!AU, NonIdol!AU, VirginReader!AU, BachelorJK!Au, Fuck-Boy JK, Virgin Reader) @jungkookstatts

Seven Days Masterlist | JJK (nurse!jungkook x teacher!reader, non-idol au, brother's friend au, fwb, age-gap(reader is older), f2l, fluff, angst, smut) @hisunshiine

cool with you | jeon jungkook (strangers to friends to lovers. smut. afab!reader [she/her] x neighbor!jk) @kooktrash

Sour (ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, BOXER AU, DANCE, AU SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST) @thvhoe

champagne problems | jeon jungkook (groom!jungkook x wedding planner!reader) @daegustae

we keep this love - j.jk (fluff, angst (5k, lots of pining and f2l)) @namfinessed

Taehyung

the odds on us | k.th. (m) (angst | smut | fluff | exes to lovers!au | slice of life!au) @jimilter

can’t take my eyes off of you (one night stand, smut, pinch of fluff) @mrworldwideshoulders

Crazy for You | kth (best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life) @oddinary4bts

best friend’s best friend (best friend!heir!jeongguk x heiress!reader x best friend’s best friend!heir!taehyung) @ktheist

all you want | kim taehyung (rich ceo!kth x rich student!reader) @kooktrash

Seducing the Villain 1 [Villain!Taehyung x Reader x Noble!BTS] @helenazbmrskai

Page Turner (M) | KTH (Kim Taehyung/ Reader, Teacher!Tae/ Librarian!Reader) @gukslut

Exchanging Heat (M) | KTH (Korean exchange/visiting student!Taehyung x (slight) tsundere!reader) @jinfizz

unconditionally || kth (ex-husband!taehyung x female reader ➼ genre: angst | fluff | hurt/comfort | smut | divorce au | exes to lovers au | parents au) @sugakookitty

tolerate it masterlist (heavy angst, one-sided love, forced marriage, infidelity, smut) @archivedkookie

entangled spidey!jungkook x fem reader, venom!taehyung x fem reader (romance, smut, love triangle) @caelesjjk

(re)starting over again | kth; masterlist (baker!taehyung x nurse!reader, amnesia au) @httpknjoon

the art of obsession | kim taehyung (dark academia. college au. painter!taehyung x writer!y/n [afab. she/her]) @kooktrash

lace & luxury | kim taehyung (sugar daddy!taehyung x exotic dancer!reader [she/her, female anatomy], taehyung aged up) @kooktrash

Seokjin

Knocked (Streamer!Seokjin x f. Reader) @sailoryooons

a human touch, part 2, final (robot!taehyung/virgin!reader, fluff, smut (NSFW, 18+)) A@snackhobi

On The Ropes (KSJ x F!Reader) (ex-boxer!Seokjin x lawyer!reader (ft. boxer!Jungkook) genres/au/rating: angst, smut, infidelity!AU, 18+) @raplinesmoejon

[clearaeipathy]

Flowers of Remembrance

BTS Jungkook x reader

_______________________________________

-Trigger warnings: mentions of blood

-Hanahaki au, angst

-female reader

-Thoughts are in lowercase since I can't figure out how to type in italic

-please don't repost on platforms other than tumblr

-plagiarism is absolutely unacceptable, pls let me know first if you're going to write something inspired by my work. If you see anyone plagiarizing my work orwith work similar to mine, i would really appreciate it if you could let me know!

-feedback would be appreciated, thank you for reading!!

--------------------------------------------------

Y/N likes flowers.

She really does. Or that's what she told herself as Claire dragged her around the shop.

Claire is the type of girl who loves to daydream, is a hopeless romantic, keeps seven diaries, gets flustered easily around boys, and likes pink. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's just that sometimes, Y/N doesn't know how she ever put up with Claire's giggly, daydreamy antics long enough for Claire to declare them friends.

It was definitely not on her to-do list to go shopping for bouquets of flowers so that Claire could gift her latest boyfriend something for Valentine's. With the artificial minty smell in the shop, the crowded aisles bursting with succulents and pots, Y/N couldn't help but feel just a bit claustrophobic.

"Ah, Y/N!!! Do you think Jay will like these?"

Y/N barely turned around before a bouquet of daisies were shoved into her face. Claire beamed eagerly, anticipating her reaction. "Soooo, how is it? Do you think he'll like these? Well, actually, now I'm not so sure... because Jay's actually like the bad boy type, but I feel like he's a softie... oh, honestly, he's so dreamy..." She gazed wistfully at the daisies.

don't kill the flowers. you pay for what you break.

just keep breathing and definitely don't snatch the flowers and stomp on them because your wallet will definitely be ruined if you do-

Y/N snapped a bright smile on her face as she waved the flowers away from her face. "Honestly, Claire, it's just flowers. Don't overthink too much.

And shouldn't Jay be the one getting you flowers? I mean-"

"No!! He can't do that! That'd be too sweet of him! I mean, I would LOVE it if he did, but I'm not expecting it, and I really honestly truly just want him to like me more and so I'll give him these and-"

Y/N tuned out the rest of Claire's rambling. She really couldn't care less about Jay, Claire's latest fling, who wore a beanie over his caramel hair every time she saw him and flirted with every pretty girl. Y/N didn't like him much, but Claire was smitten at first sight. While she fantasized about professing her love to Jay, Y/N schemed for ways to avoid third-wheeling on their dates.

It wasn't that she didn't love her friend. Claire, who she met back in high school, who had her back through thick and thin. Y/N just really, really, really hated having to think about romantic relationships. She couldn't afford to be selfish and indulge in romantics while she had to solve so many other things first.

Like how she kept-

no, she'd worry about that later. For now, worry about Claire, who was definitely going to get her heart broken again.

there.

Claire scrutinized a bouquet of poppies. "How 'bout these?" She turned to Y/N and pointed out the flowers.

if fate is real, this is not funny.

Claire squealed in delight. "Those are perfect! Wait... no, Jay's a bad boy. Bad boys don't like pink.

But.... I'll buy them for you!" Claire picked up the bouquet with a flourish and presented it to Y/N. "Think of it as a sign of my friendship to you."

aww.

that's actually... really nice.

Y/N couldn't stop the small smile from blooming.

"You're smiling! Oh my gosh, this is a fullblown smile and not just those smirks!!!" Y/N was met with the huge, classic, contagious Claire smile.

"Whatever, whatever. Just pick out some flowers for Jay and let's go."

After ten minutes of walking up and down the aisles, Claire finally settled on some fancy black roses. She paid for both bouquets with a big, satisfied smile and proceeded to excitedly drag Y/N out of the shop.

"Ok, soooooo me and Jay planned to meet at that one coffee shop with the big teddy bear sign! Oh, do you remember what it was called?"

Y/N sighed. "First of all, how do you not know the name of your date location? The cafe is called The Sugar Cube. And why is there even a teddy bear at the entrance?"

"Because teddy bears are a sign of love, " Claire responded patiently.

"No they aren't."

"Yeah they are."

"No they aren't- you know what, forget it."

Y/N bit her lip anxiously as they walked toward the cafe. It just so happened that there were lots of couples in there. Lots of couples.

Did she mention she didn't like lots of couples?

"Claire, I don't feel so good," Y/N lied. "Maybe I should go home."

please please please don't let me go in there where all those happy couples are-

"You're such a liar," Claire sighed. "Honestly, I don't get it. What is it about Jay that you don't like?"

it's not Jay, really.

"Have a nice time at your date, and thanks for the flowers!" Y/N snatched the flowers from Calire's hand and walked off, flashing an apologetic smile.

Y/N really just doesn't want to throw up and ruin a bunch of dates.

"Hey! You know, I'm sick of your crabby attitude lately! You should be happy for me and Jay!" Claire shouted at Y/N's retreating figure.

i'm happy for you though. i just don't want to make you unhappy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N groaned as she collapsed onto her couch. Her comfy, comfy couch.

Why couldn't everything be this way? Comforting and understanding and accepting.

Y/N laughed at the irony of the thought. She was not comforting, not understanding, and most definitely judgemental. That was probably why she didn't have many friends. She probably ruined her friendship with Claire.

no, said the nagging voice in her head. no, you had lots of friends until he came along. until he came along and ruined everything.

He didn't ruin anything, Y/N internally argued. it was all me.

it was all me that caused me to be like this. it's my fault that i'm so lonely.

because if I had never crossed the line of friendship, maybe he would still be here.

Y/N looked for a vase to put her flowers in. She didn't own any vases, why would she? Maybe a mason jar would be enough. She grabbed the poppies and removed the bouquet wrappings.

"Poppies symbolize remembrance and sacrifice," She read aloud from the tag dangling from her hand.

so sickly ironic.

Y/N chucked the tag into the trash bin and sat back down onto the couch with a sigh. Who knew the flowers that Claire bought for her out of friendship were the same flowers that she coughed out every night.

how did this happen? Y/N chuckled bitterly. It felt like only yesterday he hugged her for the first time. Only yesterday had they watched scary movies and laughed on rollercoasters and made pancakes together. She still remembered the scent of vanilla and sea salt whenever he was around. He'd always blink those doe eyes of his and flash his bunny toothed smile whenever he wanted to get something from her.

They'd been good friends. Childhood friends. He'd always come over to her house after school to study, and wind up playing video games instead. She remembered when he got sick and couldn't come to school, so she brought all his schoolwork over to his house and talked to him while he napped. She remembered the times when he made her laugh so much she'd cried, when he'd scared off the bullies that harassed her, when he bought her flowers after she broke up with her first boyfriend. The thought made her throat tight and itchy.

How long had it been since they wrote silly songs together and drove the popular girls crazy when they hugged? How long had it been since he'd given her his sweater when she was shivering? How long had it been since she crossed that forbidden line and kissed him?

it's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

She should've known he didn't feel that way. She should've known to ask for his permission. But she was just so pent up with emotion and caught in the moment.

No, she couldn't make excuses.

It was her fault that he distanced himself afterwards. It was her fault that their friendship broke apart.

She should've been happy when he found another girl and became happy again.

Instead, here she was, reminiscing over poppies and battling her urge to cough.

Sometimes childhood friends are just meant to be friends.

No, that feeling in her throat was worse now. The coughing was coming back. Even worse, the petals. She could feel them in her throat.

No no no no no.

Y/N barely made it to the toilet in time before she threw up. She heaved petals and petals and petals of pink poppies out of her mouth, each petal more soaked with blood than the last.

All she could hear was her ragged breathing and her beating heart. Well, and the remaining blood dripping from her lips into the toilet.

She wished she had someone holding back her hair. She wished he was holding her hair back like he did when she drank too much and had a hangover the next morning.

Just the thought of his fingers brushing her skin had her choking out more petals. Those pretty pink leaves stained with crimson blood, showering out and floating down into the toilet. How poetic.

She could only blame herself for falling in love with the person she couldn't afford to lose.

What would he say to that? But you'll always have me, he'd beam when she used to lament about another boy she ruined her chances with.

Honestly, screw you.

I love you, Jeon Jungkook.

A grim smirk formed on her face as she threw up yet again into the toilet.

[kpop-cakepops]

Statistics. (Hanahaki au. Reader x male!idol)

Genre: Angst.

Word count: 1,045

Warnings: mentions of d*ath, mentions of blood.

(This was inspired by this conversation between myself and @hyunmintae . I also didnt assign a specific idol so you can imagine the idol you'd get hanahaki for lol. Hope you enjoy ♡)

You had been diagnosed with it 3 years prior to your standing there. Hanahaki is what the doctor had called it. The illness of unrequited love. You had laughed to yourself then. Unrequited love. How ridiculous was that? You were sick because someone didn't love you back... it wouldn't be the most ridiculous thing to happen to you throughout your life. There was a reason why you were sick to begin with.

Him.

Unbeknownst to him, you'd found shelter in him from all the other ridiculous things life had thrown at you. His voice, his face, his laugh... you had fallen in love with the idol on the cracked screen of your phone just like millions of others... yet ridiculousness followed you through and through, that's why you were sat morbidly chuckling at the fact that out of 20,000 you were the one that had gotten sick. That's right, you were that 1 in 20,000 people.

According to the statistics, only 1 in 5,000 cases died from the illness. At least that's what the doctor had told you after handing you a flimsy pamphlet that detailed all about the illness and treatments available. The one recommended to you?

Surgical removal of all memories of him. All the times you had cried yourself to sleep listening to his voice while your parents fought over whatever money they had or didn't have. The times he'd made you laugh after you'd left your parents' house. Even the time he taught you to love yourself despite there not being much to love at all...

You didn't take it. What was the point? Wouldn't you default back to the empty shell you were before you found him?

That's also how you found yourself standing on the General Admission floor of his concert only 3 years after your diagnosis. The truth was, you were dying. Your condition had worsened, and your doctor had dropped you. It seemed like there was no hope for you, so why not see him in person once, just once before the struggling flame of life within you expired?

It was rather amusing how your lungs constricted almost to the beat of the music blasting around you. He was there, with layers of light shining behind his figure, and eyes alight with adrenaline. In that moment you felt what you could only describe as magic... he was magic... but he was also death. You could feel it coming, the pain in the back of your throat, except it was no longer amusing.

It seared you from the inside out, almost like your lungs were on fire. Oxygen was no longer reaching you and deep inside you knew, it was the end. Your cold body crumpled to the ground catching the attention of the people around you.

It was cruel, and rather embarrassing. Couldn't you have died after the concert? Maybe somewhere he wouldn't see? Not that you'd live to remember it, with the way your throat and chest were tightening within you. Whispers started to fill the air around you, but no one offered a hand. How could they? You were an anomaly and you were sick, almost everyone around you could tell what it was with the way your hands grasped at your throat.

It hurt. God it hurt.

Hot tears rolled down your face as you did everything possible to breathe... you couldn't. You had been warned and hadn't listened.

Finally after minutes of struggling you coughed out what had been tearing you apart inside. A sole large black baccara rose. It was beautiful... and you could finally breathe. Was it possible you weren't going to die? Maybe you were going to be okay, right?

Wrong.

It was when you stood back up in the center of the General Admission floor of your favorite group's concert that you realized that the beautiful rose that lay on the ground before you was dotted with crimson dots and your numb tongue could somehow still filter through the strong taste of iron.

Terminal lucidity.

That's what your grandmother's doctor had called it. A period of alertness before death.

You could feel a tingle forming, from the center of your chest but this time there was no pain or ache to come with it, rather a soft gurgle left your lips. The crowds around you gasped as they watched you like a bad car wreck on the side of the road. Scary and sad, but hard to look away from it.

You took one step... two steps... and suddenly you couldn't breathe again. Your lungs, however, were no longer blocked by flowers. No, it was thick red iron preventing you from breathing. You fell right back to the floor coughing up the thick red crimson that had so prettily decorated your last flower.

Slowly you turned so you were on your back. It kind of hurt less that way. Medics had managed to get past the crowd and to you as well. The tips of your fingertips grazed the soft end of your ratty wristband. The one with his name printed on it with holographic vinyl...

Your body was being moved, surely you were in the process of getting carted away from the scene. In a way, you felt relieved. He wouldn't have to see you.

Except he did.

In the midst of it all you missed him and another one of his group members hopping off the stage in hopes of helping somehow. You wanted to laugh. Yes. In your last minutes of life you felt like laughing off the embarrassment of having your idol watch you died in the most pathetic way. Catching his horrified gaze last minute didn't help either.

You shut your eyes tightly for what was left of your miserable life.

What was left...

Fear, and a sudden wish to live. Deep inside you, your heartbeat was slowing down, and your mind as well... and all you wanted in that moment of clarity was for someone to call your mom because you were scared and cold and you wanted nothing more than to live...

Yet it was too late.

Because at 9:25 PM you breathed your last breath and became one more in the sea of statistics.

You were the 1 in 5,000.

[chimmyxkookies]

🔷𝑴𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆🔷 🔸𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒅 🔸𝟰𝗸 🔸https://archiveofourown.org/works/39499611 ~Jikook/kookmin ~Fairy JK/ Human JM ~Hanahaki Disease ~Hanakanjō ~Fluff ~Happy Ending

[r3esieeee]

Beautiful Flower 🥀

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x reader; Idol! Jungkook x Bestfriend! reader; Yoongi x reader (platonic)

Genre: Hanahaki Au, Angst, Fluff if you squint your eyes.

Warnings: mention of blood, throwing up, death, badly written lime, slight violence, disease, badly written angst and suffering. Extremely annoying because of the OC's stupidity.

Summary: In which Lee Hwayoung suffered from Hanahaki Disease for loving her best friend, Jeon Jungkook.

originally posted by aestheticstuffandthings

I don't know if it's counted as reader insert because I gave the character a name for the sake of the plot but feel free to imagine her as who you want her to be. I actually posted it on wattpad first before deciding to post it here on tumblr so I hope you guys like it. Thank you.

Hanahaki. A disease came from assume unrequited or one-sided love. The people who reported suffering from this disease was said to cough up and vomit flower petals from a flower blooming inside their lungs, suffocating them as the roots wrap itself on their heart and lungs until it eventually kills them.

She was born around thousands of flowers, at the middle of a flower field. Her mother owns a flower shop and that basically what keeps them alive, well-fed with roofs above their head. She grown to love the flowers as it helps her cure her anxiety back then. But she didn't know that those flowers will also be the cause of her death.

She met him at the tender age of Ten, at the flower shop her mother owned. She can still remember how Jungkook looks back then, doe eyes wide in innocence as he walks timidly to the counter to ask for a flower he can give to his mother for her birthday.

That wasn't the last time they seen each other. Destiny brought them together when they entered 5th grade. It was her first day on new school as she was a transferee and Jungkook, having seen her before, he approach her first and ask her to be his friend. She nearly cried when he came to her, with a hand outstretched and doe eyes glistering with innocence. She's new and no one wants to be friends with her.

They hang out almost everyday, became bestfriend and inseparable. She was one of the few people who urge him to follow his dream of becoming a singer. She supported him and had been there with him when he audition for SuperstarK. She's there when he failed the audition and when he was offered by seven companies to train with them. She was one of the first people who believed on him.

She was one of the people who had been there since the beginning, when they only have thirty-two fans who showed up on their fanmeeting. When they were only starting and struggling for their dreams.

They basically grew up together, his family treating her as their own and vice versa. There comes to the point where Jungkook would suddenly show up in front of her door, pulling her towards a restaurant or an arcade for some impromptu hang out. Despite of their growing popularity, Jungkook wasn't afraid of being shown with her. Partly because ARMY knows who she is and that she's been there first before anyone else. Most of them respected her as she was the first ARMY that supported their idols. She's like their ancestor, their mother, the beginning.

Since they were friend---best friends rather, it wasn't a surprise if she's close with the other members too. They treat her as their friend, companion, sister, even daughter. They treat her like their own member and she had been seen on some of their bangtan bombs. When she visits the dorm, they would always hog her, teasing Jungkook as she seem to enjoy being with them than spending time with him. The boy would whine, pouting on the couch until she would come and pinch his cheeks, sitting beside him and leaning her head on his shoulders. It was like their natural position, Jungkook would be sitting beside her and her head will always fall on Jungkook's shoulder. They're always cuddling, making the boys coo at how cute the maknaes are.

She knew Jungkook's cute obsession and feelings towards his celebrity crush, IU and the boy believes that he's his first love so when she saw him interacting with his said soulmate, she didn't know why she felt a dull stabbing pain on her heart and how her lungs begin itching like she wanted to vomit. Her throat constricts as she somehow felt suffocated, feeling something blocking her airways. She felt a knot forming on her stomach as her body ache in the most uncomfortable way. She shrugs it off.

Jungkook pursue his feelings with Jieun. They became friends until Jungkook confessed and then they started to go on dates. She watches all of that to happen. She was there when Jungkook came to her apartment one night, buzzing with joy as he tells what happen to the date with his crush and how Jieun returns his feelings but wanted things to slow down.

"I wouldn't worry about that stupid flower disease! My true love loves me back!" he chimed in joy as pull her beside him, enclosing her into a hug as he continues to tell her about their date. It was magical and romantic, he stated.

At that time, the pain comes back it was doubled. She cannot help but to gasp as she doubles on pain, holding her chest and putting pressure on it as if it will help with the pain she's feeling. Her eyes waters, throat constricting once more as her breathe begins to labor. Jungkook didn't notice it at first but eventually did when he heard her sob.

"Are you okay? What's happening to you?!" he would ask in worry. At that time, she wanted nothing but to sassed him but she can't as she felt a sharp stabbing pain between her ribs. She let out a choked sob as she felt her chest tightens, almost like there's someone squeezing her lungs and heart.

Jungkook was panicking, he didn't know what to do and he's out of his mind as he helplessly clutch her vulnerable body around his arms, doe eyes glistening with unshed tears as he caress her back as if it will help with the pain.

As sudden as it came, the faster it ebbs away. It's like it wasn't even there before. She suddenly can breathe again and the pain subsides. Her tears still running freely on her cheeks, she doesn't even know that she's crying.

"I'll call 119." he finally stated, fishing his phone on his pocket carelessly as he begins to touch the screen. But before he can call the emergency hotline, she snatches the phone away from him.

"Yah! Hwayoung-ah!" Jungkook chided in disbelief, doe eyes widen in mixture of worry and disbelief.

"No need to call emergency. I'm okay now." She stated, although still weak but she manage.

"You're okay now but what if it's something that we should report immediately? Do you have asthma? Heart disease or something?" he asks.

"Not that I know. It's probably nothing. Don't worry." she didn't know if she's still answering Jungkook or convincing herself that it was nothing to worry about.

Jungkook would look at her for a straight minute, scanning her face noticing how it paled and how sweat build up like tiny diamonds on top of her skin. He's sure it's something to worry about but he didn't want to push it out off her. He knew Hwayoung, she would come to him and tell him what's really happening eventually.

After that incident, it didn't happen again. Her life continues to go on, Jungkook and Jieun's romance is blossoming like a bud of perfectly shaped tulip in Spring. Everything was brought back to normal. or so she thought.

It was one of the normal nights, she was sat in front of her vanity mirror as she put on her night cream on her face when she suddenly felt like coughing. Feeling something bulbous lodge on her throat and she felt somethig tickles on her lungs. This triggers her to cough rather convulsively. Her throat was raw and scratchy as she tries to dislodge what ever blocking her airways as it begins to hinder her breathing. Her eyes waters as she cough violently to the point she begins to feel sick.

She immediately bolted towards her bathroom, opening the cover of her toilet as prepare to retch out the thing that's blocking her airways. She expected it to be the ramyeon she ate earlier or the banana milk she drunk before she brushes her teeth but what came out of her mouth shook and confuses her. A single petal of white rose.

She's confused at first but when she came back to her senses, she immediately dashed towards her laptop and search up what she thinks she have.

Her stomach lurch and heart ache as she confirm her thought. She's infected with Hanahaki Disease and she knows exactly who causes this.

"I'm inlove with Jungkook?" she whispers to herself. She finds herself being lost in the memory lane.

She doesn't knew when it exactly starts but alas, you really wouldn't know when you will fall in love with a person. There's no symptoms or tell-tale like what they describe in the book. It just suddenly comes without you knowing and the next thing you knew, you were hacking up flower petals and there's a whole garden blossoming inside your lungs and slowly killing you. How cruel would it be? She fell in love with her bestfriend that she knew wouldn't reciprocate her feelings as he was already in love to someone that when compared to her, she's nothing.

No, she doesn't hate or feel bitter towards Jieun as she knows nothing about her. She doesn't have anything to do with what's happening to her. They're not even in a relationship and she's just her bestfriend. Just a little sad of how unfair the world is on her.

She decided not to tell anyone about her predicament, not even Jungkook. She decided to keep it to herself. Sometimes, at night, as she hacks up flower petals on the bathroom while she's sprawled on the cold tiled floor, she thinks of getting a surgery to remove the seeds growing on her chest. She did consider it but when she's about to go and schedule an operation to the hospital, she would cower and back out.

No matter how she fear dying, no matter how she felt pain whenever Jungkook is around, she can't make herself to remove the seeds and roots slowly killing her. She heard that most patients having the seeds surgically remove suffer from side effects such as forgetting all of the memories with that someone, some even says that even their feelings disappears with the infection and some says that if you really really love that someone, you might die at the middle of the surgery. She doesn't want to risk that. Despite of the pain, she wants to keep all of her memories with Jungkook, she still wants to feel the euphoric feeling of hanging out with him and she still wants to feel the effect he gave her whenever he smiles those bunny smiles.

Her disease was quickly evolving yet slowly killing her. The once couple of petals becomes a whole bud of roses. Aside from petals, she throw up blood too as the thorns of the roots wrapping itself on her lungs and heart were stabbing her insides, scratching her throat when she hacks up.

She plans on not telling anyone but obviously she failed. She's suffering from the disease for almost a year now. Each day, her symptoms becomes worser, she's coughing up more roses and she knew that once she cough out a whole bouquet, it will be the end for her. Her health is deteriorating and it was evident on her physical appearance too. She became relatively paler and breathing becomes a chore. Thanks to cosmetic, she was able to hide those ugly bags on her eyes. She didn't know how nobody notices her sudden change of appearance until it crosses her mind that maybe, nobody really cares about her.

Jungkook had been busy with Jieun and the other members were busy with practicing for their comeback. She's with Yoongi as they both making new music for the album. The CEO had saw potential on her composing skills and he offered her a job to be one of BTS' producers and she accepts, helping the rap line in making new songs.

She was sat beside Yoongi, busy with monitoring the beat they were making when she felt itch on her throat. The next thing Yoongi knew, she bolted out of the studio and into the bathroom. Not bothering to close the door behind her as she collapse on the floor and retched out roses.

Yoongi, worried about her follows her to the bathroom, witnessing how she collapse to the floor and throw up buds and petals of roses. His eyes was frozen to the roses slowly filling up the floor, splotches of blood on the petals as Hwayoung violently throw up roses on the floor.

He snapped out of his thought when she begins to sob, immediately going to her side to aid her, caressing her back as he gather her long hair to keep it from covering her face as she continues to vomit bloody roses.

When she calmed down, Yoongi looks at her seriously, asking, "Who is he?"

Hwayoung kept quiet, not really wanting to answer his question. Yoongi looks like he was about to punch anyone, eyes darken in fury as his teeth clench in anger.

"Who is he, Hwayoung? Fucking answer me." his voice was low but there's a stress on each of his words. She knew Yoongi is getting pissed as his satoori accent slipped out.

She cannot help but to broke out in a painful sob as she says in between her cries, "Jungkook." Just the thought of him makes her to vomit roses.

"How long?" his cold voice begins to soften, it was clear that he's keeping his nerve at bay.

"I-I don't know b-but I started vomiting exactly one year ago." she answers, "I don't want to die, Yoongi. I want to live. I-I can't die. I haven't reach my dream yet. I-I w-want to be a successful producer and I still w-want to s-see yo-you guys f-flourish." her voice is vulnerable as her body collapse on Yoongi's arms.

"That fucking kid---" he was about to stood up when Hwayoung gripped to his clothes tightly.

"No, Yoongi. Don't tell anyone. Please, I'm begging you. I don't want him to love me just because he pity me. I don't need pity. I do want him to love me back but I don't want to force it out on him."

"You'll undergo surgery. You doesn't want to die right? Come with me, I'll accompany you to the doctor now." said Yoongi, although his voice was cold, there's still worry laced on his tone.

"No surgery. I don't want to undergo surgery."

"Why not?!" he finally snapped, his grip on Hwayoung tightens. He couldn't understand her, she doesn't want to die but she also doesn't want to undergo surgery? What does she wants then?

"I don't want to forget him nor my feelings for him. I don't want to be like my mom who lives her remaining life like an empty shell just because she lost her ability to feel!" she shouted but as she finishes her rant, her voice dropped down into a sob, "I prefer to die than to live like an empty shell. I rather die happy with all of my memories with him intact than to live completely forgetting him and lose my ability to feel."

Yoongi cannot believe her. How could she choose to suffer and live her remaining days on earth feeling hurt and knowing that the guy she loves is the one slowly killing her. To be honest, he doesn't want her to die. She's like his sister and he doesn't want his younger sister to die.

The following days, after Yoongi had learned the truth, he dotted on her, constantly checking her if she was okay or if she feels like vomiting. It's seems like she only vomit when Jungkook was around or when she's thinking about him so Yoongi did anything to redirect her thoughts away from the maknae. Which is completely hard seeing that she always thinks of him no matter what happens.

The other members notices the changes and how Yoongi acts around her. Jungkook noticed and before she knew it, he begins to distance himself, always with Jieun and even neglecting their practices. The media saw them together a couple of times and this spark issues and rumors but Jungkook didn't care, even if he's always being scolded by the CEO and their Manager.

One night, Jungkook came home to their dorm, drunk and was a wretched. Hwayoung was there because Yoongi pick her up so he could monitor her. He immediately went for comfort to Hwayoung, enclosing her into a hug as he sob on her shoulders. She didn't have the time to react as Jungkook collapse on her, sobbing. It pains her to see him like this, crying because of another girl. A girl that wasn't her. It happens to be that Jieun wants to end anything between them, said that anything that they have wouldn't work out because of their career.

Yoongi was about to rip Jungkook away from her when he saw her swallow what he thinks to be flowers itching to go out of her mouth. The skinship was triggering another attack and worsening the situation but Hwayoung silently signals him to keep still and let him hug her. Of course, Yoongi cannot do anything despite of wanting to rip Jungkook away and punch him on the face so he would wake up to his stupidity.

Days passes by quickly, days becomes weeks, weeks becomes month and month becomes a year. As time passes by, Hwayoung can feel her body slowly giving up. It was so painful just to breathe.

Thankfully, Jungkook didn't experience throwing up flowers after his break up with Jieun or didn't show any signs of having the disease. He thought that maybe, he wasn't really that in love with IU, maybe it was just his hormones and the fact that he idolizes her for long that made him think that he's in love with her.

Hwayoung and Jungkook begins to hang out with each other, their forgotten bond is slowly healing and coming out once again. Hwayoung wants to spend her remaining time in earth with the man she loves because she knows that it is near her time. She can feel it coming as her symptoms gets worser everyday.

And the inevitable day comes, she was with the members on their typical movie night created by her. She wants to maximize and create memories with the new family she comes to love so she made friday to be their movie night. No matter how busy the members are, they will drop anything for this movie night.

She was sat beside Jungkook on their usual position, with her head leans on his shoulder as they laugh at the comedy movie they were watching when she felt the bile on her throat. Knowing full well, she immediately excuses herself and rush towards the cr.

Half way through the cr, she couldn't help it. She fell on the hardwood floor as she vomits the flowers from her insides. Blood and red roses scattered on the floor as she violently vomits.

The members, having heard the thud and her vomits immediately rush towards her, seeing her on her most vulnerable state, being sprawled to the floor at the middle of the bloody roses as she continues to vomits blood, not even roses anymore, just pure blood.

She had reach her limit.

Jungkook's heart broke at the sight of her hacking up blood and struggling to breathe. He was frozen on his spot, unable to process anything.

It was only when Hwayoung dropped to the floor on top of the blood, unconscious when he was snapped out of his thought. Jungkook tripped on his own foot as he rush towards her, turning her around so he could see her face. He choke up on his sob, seeing the blood around her mouth and how she looks pale and dead. N-no she can't be.

Without any thoughts, he quickly lifted her up, screaming to his hyung to bring her to the hospital which the others immediately snapped and run to get the keys.

The way to hospital was painful and nerve wrecking. She's still alive, he knows it as she cough when he completely lays her to her back. Thinking that the stem on her throat might be choking her, he readjusted her position.

Jungkook kept talking to her, begging her to hold on and to don't leave him, his hand clasped on her hand and their fingers were intertwined. Jungkook brought their intertwined hands to his lips, deeply placing a kiss.

"Don-Don't leave me please. Keep fi-fighting, Hwayoung-ah. Please, I love you."

The irony of this is almost amusing if not because of her being literally at the middle life and death. Her name, Hwayoung literally means Beautiful Flower and she was born at the middle of the flower field. The half of her identity was the one who's killing her right now and the one who took her mother's life when her father cheated on her.

The surgery was painfully long as they wait for the doctor to come out of the surgery room. Jungkook sat on the waiting chair, his head was bowed as his heart was breaking every second passes by knowing she's still on the operating room, probably fighting for her life.

"Wh-who?" Jungkook's voice was full of pain and sorrow, "Who causes her this? W-who's the guy who did this to her? Why can't they see how amazing that girl is. How can they reject her?"

Yoongi stood up, walking to the maknae as he sat beside him, placing a palm on his back to somehow comfort him, "The thing is, she wasn't rejected but she chose to hide it because she was afraid of being rejected or being pitied."

"You knew?" Jungkook turn to his hyung, disbelief clouded his dark eyes, "You knew and you didn't tell me?!" he then grab Yoongi on the collar and was about to punch him if not because of Jin and Namjoon who pulled him away. Taehyung, Hoseok and Jimin going to the middle to prevent a fight to ensue.

"ALL OF YOU KNEW AND NOBODY EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME?! HER BESTFRIEND?!"

"Jungkook, calm down. We didn't know. No one did aside from him and her." Namjoon tried to talk to the maknae to calm her down but Jungkook was beyond mad and hurt as he tried to trash around their grip and throw a punch to Yoongi. The three eventually help in restricting Jungkook as the maknae was to strong.

"We could've save her! You knew and you didn't even convince her to get it surgically remove?! Tell me who the fucking guy was so I could kill him for what he did to my girl! To my bestfriend!"

Yoongi's jaw clench so as his knuckle, "IT'S YOU, IDIOT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE HER SUFFER! YOU'RE HIS BESTFRIEND AND YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE HOW SHE LITERALLY WEAKENS AND STRUGGLE TO LIVE!" he broke down, tears running freely on his cheeks, "You don't know how hard I tried to convince her to undergo surgery but she's so hardheaded because she doesn't want to forget any of your memories, she doesn't want to forget you and her stupid feelings for you! You're killing her."

The other members were left dumbfounded and in a sobbing mess at the revelation. It's too much to take in.

Just then, the doctors made his appearance, "Who's the one the patients in love with?" his question was confusing but no one answers. They just stood her, looking at Jungkook who visibly frozen on his spot.

"I'm taking it it's you," the doctor said, "Are you alright, young man? Do you feel sick? How about your throat? Do feel like vomiting"

This made the members confused as they look at Jungkook. Is he---

"What happened to her? Is she alright?" he asks instead, panic laces his voice as he looks at the doctor with so much hope. If she survive, I will not let her slipped away from me again.

"She's alright," at this, the members visibly relaxes, "You're lucky that you got to her on time. Any seconds late, she would be dead by now and you would suffer a lot. The roots and the thorns had wrapped on her heart and lungs had disappeared into dust but we still need to remove some of the thorns that pierces her organs but nothing to worry about, it's not that deep and life threatening as the real threat was taken care of. Actually, she's awake right now and she's recovering just fine," he then turn to Jungkook, "I suggest you go see and talk to her first. Just don't stress her out as she was fresh from surgery but you guys need to talk about this now. She's on Room 713." with one last pat on the shoulder, the doctor was out.

***

Jungkook slowly enters the room, seeing Hwayoung leaning back to the head of the hospital bed, looking at the window at the side as she have a peaceful look on her face.

Hearing the sound of the door and the footsteps, she turn around to face him. Jungkook's heart somersault on his ribcage seeing her smile.

Oh how he hadn't realized that her smile was the smile he wanted to wake up with, not Jieun's, not anyone but her. He's so stupid to confess.

The truth is, Jungkook had been in love with her just as long as she was in love with her. He did have the disease and lied to everyone that he's just fine, he's just not aware that Hwayoung have it worse. He tried many times to confess but always chickened out, worrying about their friendship that might be destroyed once he confessed and everything turns wrong so when he talk to IU that one award night, he took it as an opportunity to forgot his feelings towards her, to only ended up loving her harder. He didn't know that she was suffering and slowly dying because of her. If only he knows, he would have confess to her immediately.

At the end of the day, both of them were stupid.

"You're an asshat for almost killing me." was the first sentence she had uttered the moment their eyes met. Jungkook felt his world crushed down, throat itching as he felt a flower bud threatening to come out of his mouth. She hates me.

"But you know, I love you and I thank you for saving me." this took him in surprise.

"W-what?"

"Stupid, I said I love you."

Jungkook smiles, feeling lighter when she said those three words, "Can you repeat it?" he said with a foolish smile on his face, walking towards him.

"I love you. I love you Jeon Jungkook despite of being the reason why I nearly died but I'm stupid so I still love you."

"You don't hate me for what I've done?"

"I want to but my heart and mind agreed to not get mad at you because you know why? I love you to the point that I will gladly accept death if it means you'll be happy, I love ---hmmm"

Jungkook grab her head, pulling her into a kiss which muffled what she was saying. He cannot help but to smile while their lips molded together when she reciprocate it, pulling him deeper.

Jungkook lightly push her to lie on the bed, hovering over her while still not breaking the kiss. The innocent and passionate kiss turned sinful, all of their pent up emotion and tension finally breaking out from their cage.

It was when Jungkook involuntarily grind his hips on her's, groaning in pleasure when his harden tent came in contact with her clothed crotch and Hwayoung's yelp of pain did they snap out of what they were doing.

"Fuck! Are you okay? I'm sorry!"

"Can we do it when I completely healed up? I'm fresh from the surgery and I think we can't do something extreme." she stated with a blush dusted on her cheeks, earning a chuckle from Jungkook as he climbed out of her and instead lay beside her, cuddling closely to her as the bed was too small yet gently to not hurt her.

"But you should know that once you recover and completely heal, you might not able to walk after we're done." he smirk which earned a slap from the lass.

"I love you, Lee Hwayoung, my Beautiful Flower."

~end~

[bangtanoneshotsx]

Eternal Flowers-Jungkook

The violet decorated your wrist. The purple watercolour design reminding you of the true love that would never happen. You knew who fate had paired you with. It seemed that the universe had a harsh sense of humour. 

Your grip on the takeaway cup of coffee was tight, trying to regain as much heat as you could. The practice room was cold, the air conditioning turned on even though it was winter. The boys were having a break, their breaths heavy as they tried to recover. His arm was around his girlfriend’s waist, a grin on his face as he talked to Taehyung. From where you sat you could just see his matching violet tattoo. Not that he cared for it. In fact he despised it, despised whoever had the matching one. It’s why you always tried to cover yours up. 

“You okay?” A soft voice asked. Turning you found Jimin looking down at you, a small concerned smile on his face. 

“Yeah.” You whispered, trying to reassure him. Subconsciously, your eyes fleeted down to the purple flower, a soft sigh escaping your lips.

“He still hasn’t noticed?” You shook your head. 

“And it’ll stay that way. Okay?”

“Y/N.” Jungkook was the only one who didn’t know of your attachment to him. His distaste in the whole soulmate situation sealing your lips forever. 

“Really Jimin, it’ll be okay. He’ll never want me, so what’s the point in threatening his relationship and our friendship.” Before Jimin could answer he was called back to the centre, though the disappointed look he gave you just before he walked away told you everything you needed to know. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The petals were the same shade of purple as the violet on your wrist. What you would once deem as beautiful now haunted you. The porcelain was cold to the touch as you rested your head against the seat. Sweat covered your forehead as you tried to ease the feeling in your throat. It had been getting worse. Harder to cover up, you knew at least Jimin was getting suspicious of your frequent bathroom trips. Jungkook however, stayed oblivious, his attention still on his girlfriend. The pain in your heart was getting harder to take. You had read up on rejection from soulmates, read about the destruction it did to the rejected, heard about the eternal pain. What you didn’t know about was the disease that came with it. 

But you knew of the disease. Knew what it meant for you. Your days were numbered. Your tattoo had given you another fate than originally meant. You could deal with your upcoming demise if it meant Jungkook was happy, if he no longer had the tattoo, if he no longer had something he hated about himself. You didn’t want to be a burden to him. If you going away meant he could move on with his life you would happily keep quiet, slowly slipping away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had grown paler, the flowers in your throat growing. Still, you pretended everything was okay. A smile placed on your face you would reassure the guys, reasoning that it was just a cold, something you would get over. You weren’t sure if they believed you, but they left it alone, simply nodding, telling you to get better. 

Jungkook had asked. His eyebrows had been furrowed in concern as he placed the back of his hand against your forehead, his eyes narrowing as he felt the heat radiating off of it. It gave you a chance to think about what could have been, if only you had met earlier, if only he didn’t hate the idea of soulmates. If only. Still, the small moments he gave you was enough to slowly ease the pain, until the harsh reality came crashing down making you escape to the bathroom, the purple petals that fell symbolizing the pain that was clenching your insides. It was on a day where you forced yourself out of bed that it happened. You had been feeling the worse you ever had. You knew it was only a matter of time. God knows if this would be the last practice you’d ever see, so you dragged yourself out of bed, stumbling all the way to the studio.

You knew the boys were keeping an eye on you. You knew you must have looked a sight, pale and sweaty slumped into a foldable chair in the corner of the room. You were weak. So when the petals threatened to spill out, you couldn’t move, couldn’t even attempt to keep the secret that you’ve been hiding for months. 

The boys could only watch as you hunched over, purple petals falling out your mouth. Briefly, you glanced up, fright in your eyes before you fell, your eyes slowly closing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something in Jungkook hurt when you fell. The sharp pain had rendered him speechless, making him stand frozen as the boys rushed towards you, Namjoon already on the phone for an ambulance.

His leg bounced making the plastic chair he sat on squeak against the floor. It felt like hours since you had been admitted with still no word on your progress or condition. His breath was shaky, his nerves making his heart race. He ignored everyone who tried to speak to him, instead focusing on the floor. He wasn’t sure why he was so worried, but something in him knew it wasn’t right.

Jimin ended up in his eyesight, having bent down in front of him. The elder’s eyebrows were furrowed, unclear emotion filling his eyes. 

  “Jungkook.” He whispered almost too softly. “Jungkook. When they let us in, do me a favour and look at her right wrist.” 

“Why?”

“Just please, everything will become clear. Just please Jungkook, don’t hate her.”

He did what Jimin asked him to do. Slowly, he entered the hospital room, his hand shaking as he lifted up your arm, the sleeve sliding down to reveal the purple flower that matched his. An audible gasp left him as he stumbled back. “Jungkook.” Jimin whispered, placing his arms on the younger as he tried to keep him upright. 

“She’s dying because of me.” With that sentence his first tear fell. “Hyung, she’s dying because I don’t love her.” In an instant he was burying himself against Jimin’s chest as much as he could, letting out audible sobs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never thought you’d end up in his arms. Yet here you were, a small smile gracing your lips as he brushed your hair away from your face. His eyebrows were furrowed his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He croaked out, his mind racing.

“What difference would it have made? You don’t love me Kook. This was my fate.” A tear rolled down Jungkook’s cheek as his bottom lip quivered.

“I wish I did. I wish I loved you. Then you wouldn’t be dying, it’s all my fault. If only I knew, I could have tried, could have tried to love you.” His tears were flowing, he occasionally let out a sob like hiccup. Softly, you placed a hand on his cheek, brushing away a tear with the pad of your thumb.

“Hey. It’s not your fault. You can’t help who you fall in love with Jungkook. We didn’t happen, that’s just sometimes how it goes.” 

“But I don’t want you to die.” He whined, his grip on you tightening almost like you truly would disappear if he let go. 

“I don’t want to either but we’ll see each other again. I’m sure of it. We’ll meet in another life. We’re supposed to be eternal. We’ll always be with each other in some way.” Another hiccup escaped Jungkook as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, instantly getting the shoulder of your hospital gown soaked.

“I’ll love you then, I promise. I promise I’ll treat you to your favourite ice cream, I promise I’ll dance with you to your favourite songs, I promise I’ll never look at another person. You’ll never lose me again. Never have to suffer because of me again.” 

“I know you will Kook. But it’s okay to love someone else just now. Don’t feel guilty. I’ll wait until we meet again.” Jungkook could only mumble back. Repeating ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

Those two words were the only thing he could say as you relaxed in his arms, your last breath leaving you. 

With the last audible breath Jungkook clutch on you tightened, he squeezed his eyes shut, his sobs echoing in the room. He promised to himself he would find you again, he would love you like you deserved.  

[rosaetae]

the chrysanthemum effect | 3

[this chapter is apart of the chrysanthemum effect] 

☇ “Keeping your flowers, keeping your pain— it’s already everything you need to move on. How do you move on from things if you’re not willing to accept them?“

➣  pairing: taehyung x reader

➣  genre: hanahaki!au, model!taehyung, weddingplanner(ish)!au  

➣  word count: 3.9k

➣  summary: the hanahaki disease has become a stigma in this world where if you had it, you are looked down upon. her flowers were white chrysanthemums and they have been for the past two years. she was in love with someone who obviously didn’t feel the same way, and this was her way of moving on— along with the people in her life who had to conform around the hanahaki disease.

You open the door to Kang Eunmi's building, greeting Yuna at the front desk. She gives her usual friendly wave at you as you smile at her, walking towards the elevator to reach the tenth floor.

Out of the elevator, you walk past Eunmi's partners in their assigned cubicles into Eunmi's office. Eunmi, as one of the best wedding planners known, is an always busy person, and you were lucky to even be able to work alongside her as her assistant. You had your own little desk area in the same office as her because she used to hate making a call just to get you to come into the office.

"You're early," Eunmi remarks as she removes her reading glasses to give you an eyebrow raise. You give her a small smile as you glance at how she had her hands interlocked underneath her chin.

"Class cancelled," you explain. "Is it alright if I just do some homework here before my shift starts?"

She nods. "Without a doubt. As long as you finished the assignment I gave you."

Kang Eunmi may be a frightening figure in the building, but you know she's only doing it for respect. She lives with the mindset of "better to be feared than loved" although you are sure that she is capable of both, if she could only just feign a smile or two.

"I did," you say as you scurry to grab the anniversary book and paperwork you put in your bag, walking over to hand her the assignments. "The paperwork is filed in alphabetical order by last name and the anniversaries are organized by expenses. Mr. Rettner wanted to prioritize the anniversaries by price."

Eunmi gives you a smug curl of her lip. "You always make my job easier."

"I try."

Eunmi begins to look at the anniversary book as you walk back to your desk, the nerve wracking feeling of having to ask Eunmi a favor building up. It's not that you were scared of Eunmi (partially), but it was because it seemed something out of place of your work area.

"Hey, Eunmi," you began after the taunting voice became too much. You hear her hum in response. Hoseok, you owe me a lot. "I know how busy you are."

"As so."

"But, I have a friend," you began, fidgeting with your fingers. "He's Jung Hoseok. The son of the Jungs'. He invited you to his charity event tomorrow night and he was wondering if you're going."

Eunmi looks up with piercing gaze and it struck you cold. "Ah, yes. Jung Hoseok? I saw the invitation in the mail. I wasn't planning to go, but seeing that he's so curious as to my presence, this is quite interesting. Why is he wondering?"

"Well, you never really RSVP'd to his event, and he knows I work for you, so he was wondering—"

"No, I don't go to those events anymore," you hear her say, having your blood run cold at the sharpness of her tone. "No personal opposition to the purpose of them, but every time I go to one, another thirsty rich couple with cocky close minds come after me and ask me to plan their weddings. As if I should be grateful to plan their wedding."

As you hear her scoff, you slowly nod your head, only for her to continue. "And they always happen to be the couples that get engaged for two months and break it off. You know me, I plan people's weddings when I know the relationship is going to last."

Nodding, you hum in agreement, biting your lower lip from saying anything else to her. She then looks up from her laptop and blinks at you. "Why? Does Jung Hoseok need me there for some reason?"

"Yes...." Your voice trails off as you began to fidget with your fingers.

"What for?"

"He may have mentioned your presence at the event in the process of trying to convince someone else to be there," you state vaguely.

Her sharp eyes were filled with confusion, and you were silently wishing she would just say no so you didn't have to go through her questioning. "Ah, so he needs me there for someone else."

"Pretty much."

"And who is this someone else?"

"Jeon Jungkook and Annie Yu."

"Ah," Eunmi says, already catching on. It was quite frightening as to how she can make sense of a situation in just a click. "So Jung Hoseok wants me to plan their weddings?"

"Yes?" You shrug . "Maybe?"

Eunmi raises an eyebrow, before she looks down at her own paperwork. "How long have they been engaged?"

"Two months, I'd say."

She snorts. "I'm sure they can find someone else."

"But, you are one of the best."

"And I'm also strict on which weddings I plan for. If it's for the sole purpose for the sake of publicity, I don't want anything to do with it."

You nod, not wanting to push any further. The sharp tone in her voice already made you feel small. "It's alright, I told Hoseok that you'd wouldn't go."

"That's not what I said," Eunmi says after a momentary pause. "Will you be attending this event?"

"No, I have— uhm...."

"Nothing," Eunmi finishes for you, with a smirk. "Clear up your schedule for that night. We're going to the event together."

Your eyes widen. "What? You'll actually go?"

"I'll only attend if you are my plus one. Doesn't mean I'm going to plan their weddings, though."

Staring at her in awe, you purse your lips.

"Not that I'm disagreeing, but why me?"

"Because you don't have any fun anymore," Eunmi rolls her eyes as if it were obvious. "You're either studying or working with me or both. Usually I don't take note of these type of things, but it's quite sad, ___." The way she looked at you with sympathy makes you furrow your eyebrows at her assumption that how you keep your priorities straight was considered 'sad'. "Not that I'm against your work ethic, but darling, I think you should have more fun. You can't possibly say that working and studying is considered 'fun'."

Lips pressed together, you marvel at her, as if she was looking straight through you.

"Am I wrong?" Eunmi asks, to which you could shake your head at. "Great, we're on the same page. You're going to the event with me."

"Do I have to?"

"You're my assistant. I need you to make sure that this couple isn't as whack as the ones for publicity."

"I don't—"

"It's alright if you don't want to go. I have better things to do on a Saturday night anyways."

You sigh, staring at her in awe as she sent you a wink that made you want to groan loudly. Instead, you give in. "Fine."

"Brilliant," she chuckles triumphantly.

And so, here you are. Eunmi was already fitting in with the luxuries. You marvel from right next to her to see her being recognized by others, some she claims to have met at weddings or have already planned their wedding, but even then, you felt misplaced in the sea of riches and the privileged.

"You really need to socialize," Eunmi mutters to you the minute the person she was engaging in a conversation with has met with another person.

You were clutching your bag, wearing something a bit more formal than you're used to, and all these faces were unfamiliar and that little part of you just hoped that there were celebrities on their way knowing how close Hoseok is to most of them just to have some excitement to the event.

"I would, but talks about the economy and government isn't really my style," you retort back with a sarcastic smile to which Eunmi gives you a look.

"___?"

Turning around to hear your name, your eyes light up when you see that it was Hoseok who called for you. Seeing that his expression was in confusion, you immediately remember that you forgot to tell him that you were attending as Eunmi's plus one.

"Hi, Hoseok," you smile and his face goes from a sort of confused look to a sudden realization that almost seemed like he wished you didn't come, but you shrug it off, thinking you were looking too deep into it.

"What are you doing here?" He sounds worried and confused.

"I forgot to mention that I'm here as Eunmi's plus one."

Perking his ears to the sudden name of Eunmi, you point your finger at the elegant and chin high figure that is your boss, already amidst in a conversation about organization or business to a man in a grey suit.

"No way," Hoseok gapes, his mood completely making a turn. "You actually convinced her?"

"To come— only the exception that I come with her," you confirm. "So, I'm still on the hour."

"You really pulled through," he smirks as you nudge at him. Chuckling, he pats your arm thankfully. "Let me buy you a drink, yeah?"

"I'm on the hour, Hoseok. I shouldn't even be talking to you," you smugly say, but he lets out a half-hearted laugh.

"Right, but at least let me buy you a drink for being the best sugartits out there for helping me out on this?"

You question at his sudden urgency, moving his hand gently from your arm. "Hoseok, are you alright?"

"___–"

He was cut off by the sound of your name being called. As so, you peer over at Eunmi who had waved you over. Apologetically, you look up at Hoseok who was awaiting your answer that he hoped was a yes. "Maybe later. Duty calls."

You smile at him as you leave to find Kang Eunmi talking to someone as you stand beside her.

"Perfect timing. Here is my business card. If you ever need a wedding designer, give me a call and I can link you up with him," Eunmi says with a smile that you can already tell was fake, and following suit, you reach into your bag with a nicely decorated business card you helped designed for Eunmi.

The man in the grey suit nodded. "Thank you, my fiancé has been dying to find a wedding designer, but too many things on our plates right now. Thank you again."

And soon enough, the man in the grey has departed and so has Eunmi's smile as she looks at you. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

"You and me both," you respond.

"You should be having fun," Eunmi nudges. You give her an odd look, at the way she was giving you a some sort of 'encouraging' look. "You're not just here on the job, you know. If I just showed up here to just pass around my business card, I could've easily done that myself."

"Then why am I here giving out your business card?"

"Just that one, and now you don't have to anymore," Eunmi laughs as you furrow your eyebrows at her. "You're my plus one. Go. Have a drink or something, I won't get mad. I'll call you when I need you."

You blink at her— this new side of persona that was figurative to an older sister was something wholly foreign. She tilts her head to the side, her arms crossed. In that moment as you were trying to comprehend this unfamiliarity, you suddenly felt your stomach tighten.

Not a good time to throw up flowers, right now.

"What are you waiting for?" She enunciates. "Here, how about this. Go and grab both of us a drink. Sparkling chardonnay, white wine, whatever. Just none of that hard liquor stuff that—"

"Kang Eunmi!"

The sudden sound of your boss's name startles both of you from Eunmi's litany of preferred alcohol. What you suspected was someone who Eunmi probably knew considering the way the stranger had said her name, but when Eunmi turns her head, you see her eyes light up in familiarization.

You follow her line of sight, only to wish you hadn't.

"Kim Taehyung," she declares. "What a pleasant surprise."

Though for you, this was a surprise anything but pleasant. Your eyes immediately widen at the sight of him and you found yourself looking away hastily before he could take a good look at you.

"I didn't think I would see you here," he says as you silently curse yourself for not recognizing his voice in the beginning. It's almost been two years and his voice hasn't changed the slightest.

"I'd say the same for you," Eunmi replies followed by a chuckle.

And then in the midst of their interaction, you hear Hoseok yell out Taehyung's name, a sudden relief waving over your body when you notice that Taehyung turns around to find the origin of who called his name. Seeing that Taehyung's attention was somewhere else, you took that time to nudge at Eunmi.

"I'm gonna have that drink," you offer before you're forcing yourself to get lost within the crowd, not forgetting the face she made before you did.

Your mind was all over the place as you ungracefully dance around the rich and the known, eliciting sloppy excuse me's and sorry's to get your way to the blurry part of the room which you thankfully found was the bar.

Finally, you found yourself sat on one of the tall black chairs with a bartender behind the marble counter tending to other people as you begrudgingly plop your elbows on it, needing some water to clear your throat. You bring your hands to your temple, feeling the need to shield yourself before he somehow gets near you again.

You silently curse at how idiotic you are to not consider the option that of course, he would be at the event! He's Hoseok's friend! He's now a model! He's considered a well-known figure! Why couldn't you have known that he would be at the event?

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

Just then, in the corner of your eye, you see someone sitting beside you.

Shutting off your degrading thoughts, you quickly guard your face and turn your body the opposite direction.

"Just a water and a glass of champagne," the person says, automatically recognizing that voice to be Hoseok.

You remove your hands from guarding your face as you turn over to see just who thought it was beside you, a sheepish look on his face as you narrow your eyes at him.

"I didn't warn you," Hoseok immediately starts, knowing exactly what you were going to say. He must have saw the sheer fear on your face as you saw Taehyung right in front of you again.

"Yeah, no shit."

Hoseok puts his hands up in defense at your passive aggression. "I didn't think you were coming! A little heads up would've been nice."

Suppose if you gave a little heads up, it would've been better. But seeing as to that wasn't helping your current situation, you turn away from Hoseok, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.

"It's fine," you tell yourself as you see the bartender put the drinks in front of you. You grab at the glass of water and gulp it down. "I was just taken aback, that's all."

"I'm sorry, ___. If anything, I can call my chauffeur to give you a ride home," Hoseok offers as he flinches at the sound of you slamming the glass onto the marble counter, almost as if he was sure you were to break it.

The idea of leaving sounded marvelous.

"What about Eunmi?" You were considering it. Hell, you were going to take his offer if it meant you weren't going to be at the event any longer.

"I can tell her that you needed to go home. A roommate emergency, maybe?"

You shook your head. "It's fine, I'll let her know. Thanks, Hoseok."

"Mmhmm," he hums as he immediately pulls out his phone, making a phone call to which you turn to the bartender, asking for a refill.

As the bartender in the suit pours you another glass of water, you turn back at Hoseok who gave you a thumbs up and hung up his phone. "Mr. Lee should be outside in a few. I'll walk you out."

"No, it's alright," you shake your head, not wanting to have any attention towards you when you're being escorted by the host of the event himself. "I'll be fine. Black Porsche?"

He scoffs, as if offended. "Bentley. You sure you'll be okay?"

You wave him off as you get off of the stool. "I'm sure."

Finding your own way out, you were relieved to feel the crisp breeze of the autumn air land on your face, an escape from the stuffy room that became too hard to breathe in. You step down the marble stairs onto the sidewalk, sending a quick text to Eunmi about a vague roommate emergency you had to tend to.

Walking towards the loading zone, you shove the phone back into your back pocket while waiting outside for the car that was black and a Bentley. You hug the blazer you were wearing tighter to your body, your mind rewinding to the moment in which you saw him for split moment up close.

You notice that your feelings for him didn't seem to change a bit as he still had a way of making your heart beat faster.

Closing your eyes to the sound of the cars driving by, you let out a sigh, wondering how on earth the days will be like knowing that he's there. You were bound to run into him any day, you just weren't sure which day you were ready for that to happen—

"I thought I saw you."

Startled, you open your eyes to the voice of the stranger, your eyes trying to focus under the night sky only to realize that the stranger was anyone but a stranger, but the star that shine so bright under your night sky.

Kim Taehyung was approaching slowly, hand in pocket and a calm expression and you swore the reason that you couldn't breathe weren't the chrysanthemums.

His lips had curled very slightly at the sight of you as he stood beside you, your whole body immediately freezing over.

"It's been awhile," you hear him say. Your eyes meet his again as he looks over to you, the silent one who ran out of words when before there were thousands of things you could've said to him. There was a sort of nuance— that odd aura in the atmosphere that was wistful in terms of familiarity, but lacking in comfortability.

What do you say to him? A simple 'hello'? A friendly 'how are you'?

What do you say as a proper greeting that's not yelling at his face for closure or even asking the usual why? Why was he talking to you? Why was 'it's been awhile' the only thing that comes to his mind? Why was it so hard to breathe— so hard to think? And why, oh why was it that every time you try to get angry with him, you can't?

Two years, and you still can't even answer why you couldn't be angry at him. And why you couldn't yell at him. Two years, and you still can't properly move on from him.

What do you say to someone you couldn't get over in two years and counting?

"Shouldn't you be inside?"

His eyes wander over to the building that held the big charity event, letting it linger before they make it settles back onto your form, a little smirk playing on his lips that you can even tell under the city night.

"Not when I saw a familiar face leave. I thought it was you talking to Eunmi."

Pursing your lips, you nod, hugging your blazer tighter. "Did you just come outside to see if it was me or not?"

He nods.

"Well, it is. And it has been awhile," you say rather quietly, not knowing what to say to the first time you have seen him in almost two years. "I heard you got signed under an agency."

"I did, yeah."

"I'm really happy for you," you state, eyes searching for the Bentley. "I remember you used to talk about working your way into the fashion industry."

You saw him shift his position to face you entirely in the corner of your eye. "You remember that?"

Arching an eyebrow at him, you turn to look at him with a skeptical look. "Of course. It was your dream, wasn't it?" And just before he opened his mouth to answer in subtle surprise, you finally saw the familiar black Bentley drive up front. You give him a small smile before walking over to the car where Hoseok's chauffeur spun around to open the door for you. "That's me. It was nice to see you, Taehyung."

You didn't miss the look on his face— the same look that he gives when you cut him off too early, as if he had more to say to you. You sit inside the Bentley, catching the way Taehyung waves at you, you release a breath you didn't realize you were holding, sinking down on the leather chair as you close your eyes and clench your stomach.

"Mr. Lee, do you, by chance, have a paper bag?"

"So... you saw him?"

You nod. "More like he saw me," you sigh, repeating the usual— removing your jacket to let Doctor Wren hear your heartbeat. It was the next morning, and you had to e-mail your professor that you weren't going to his two hour lecture because you had an emergency. "Though, it was partially my fault. I went to event when I should've known he would've been there."

"Don't blame yourself for not knowing things you should've known."

"Still," you sigh as you exhale. "It could've been avoided. And I wouldn't have to be throwing up in my friend's Bentley."

"And what type of friends do you know that owns a Bentley?"

"Ones that know Kim Taehyung, apparently," you make a face to which Doctor Wren chuckles quietly. "And I should've known better that if he was back in town then he would've shown up to his friend's event."

"There's nothing you can do from where you stand in this situation, ___. It was just an unfortunate event that you got wrapped up in," he says as he removes the stethoscope from his ears. "I remember when I saw her while I was out with Sungjae. It was slightly awkward and I blamed myself for putting me and my husband in that situation."

He writes down something and looks at you through his glasses. "But the thing is, ___, I couldn't blame myself for that unfortunate situation that, of course, would happen to me."

"But you didn't know she would be there," you point out but he snorts.

"Neither did you," he retorts, referring towards Taehyung. "That's the difference between what you already know and what you should've known. You didn't know he was going to be there until you saw him."

Pouting at him, you narrow your eyes at his genius brains. It's these situations that you knew he was right, and he also knew he was right.

"You know, you could use this way as a mechanism to fully move on," he suggests, your eyes lighting up to the idea of that. "Find some closure and properly move on in your life, I guess you may say."

"Doctor Wren, that's not... bad," you ponder at the thought.

"Ya, I know," he chuckles. "And it looks like your vitals are fine. I'll run some tests, though, just in case— since you haven't thrown up for awhile, but for now you're all good."

"Thanks, Doctor Wren," you say begrudgingly as you hop off the tall bed.

"Mhm," he hums, writing something down on the clipboard. "Words of advice. Don't keep blaming yourself for all the could have's, especially when series of events unfold to where you do have to see him again. Happens for a reason, right?"

[clickclacktothebangbang]

yoongi has a decent life. trained for years by his family to never fall into the deadly traps of unrequited love, he pursues his music without ever really getting close enough to risk falling in love. then he meets jungkook. and jungkook makes him realize just how much he loves the smell of poppy fields.

[thesoftsoobin]

➳ part: 2/?

➳ pairing: taehyung x yoongi

➳ genre: angst (with a happy ending), hanahaki au

➳ warnings: mention of death, non-kinky choking

➳ word count: 5k

Read on AO3 or below the cut.  

yoongi was letting sunflowers overtake his lungs, and taehyung had a hard enough time watching him slowly die instead of telling hoseok his true feelings. but taehyung’s own crush was getting the best of him, and life managed to complicate itself even further when he began coughing up flowers, too. and not just any flowers, either. they had to be cherry blossoms, yoongi’s favorite.

There had been many times in the last two years that Taehyung had looked at Yoongi and thought, “I like him.”

The first, of course, was when he met him. It had been the first week of classes during his freshman year, and Taehyung saw Namjoon – only known to him as his orientation leader at time – talking to his friends in the brightly-colored lobby of the student union.

Taehyung looked over for just a second too long, long enough for Jimin and Jeongguk to run off to the mail room without him and long enough for Namjoon to make eye contact. In just a few seconds, Namjoon seamlessly transitioned from saying goodbye to two of his friends as they headed off to class to waving to Taehyung.

It wasn’t weird or anything, for him to say hi. The two of them hit it off fairly well during welcome weekend, Namjoon brightening as soon as Taehyung told him he was an art major. He had asked Taehyung his favorite artistic movement, his favorite artist, what he thought of the art on campus, and their conversations flowed effortlessly. But being a third year to Taehyung’s first year, Namjoon was still intimidating.

And his friend still sitting at the table Namjoon was leaning against was even more so. He was a complete juxtaposition to Namjoon’s smiling, fresh face, with a resigned demeanor, fading pink hair covered by a beanie, and three piercings in each ear. He was clicking around on his laptop with laser focus, a pair of headphones hooked around his neck, and he just looked so cool.

Not that Namjoon wasn’t cool. This guy was just cool in a different way – effortless, intriguing. The kind of cool that made you question your entire worth as a human being.

Taehyung took slow steps as Namjoon beckoned him over.

“Hey,” Namjoon had said, and Taehyung waved awkwardly, glancing between the two of them. The intimidating boy hardly acknowledged his presence, and he wasn’t sure that was relieving or upsetting. “How’s your first week going?”

“Good, it’s—”

“The kid’s barely gotten his syllabi yet, Joonie,” the pink-haired boy said, looking up from his computer. Taehyung flitted his gaze to him, but immediately looked away when their eyes met. “Ask him how he’s doing in a few months, once he’s drowning in midterm work.”

Taehyung let out an unconvincing laugh while Namjoon rolled his eyes. “It’s my job to make sure he hasn’t gotten lost or anything, Yoongi hyung.”

“Fair enough,” Yoongi said and went right back to clicking away at his laptop.

“Don’t let him scare you,” Namjoon said to Taehyung then. “Midterms aren’t that bad, but—”

“They’re hell,” Yoongi said, grin playing on his face while Namjoon sighed. “Not as bad as finals, though.”

“You’ll get through it,” Namjoon pressed his lips into a smile, dimples showing, before he turned back to Yoongi. “Oh, Yoongi hyung, this is Taehyung. He’s the one I was telling you about. The art major.”

Yoongi seemed to brighten at this news, too, which made Taehyung feel prouder than he probably should have. Even when he was teasing Namjoon, he sounded bored, so there was something satisfying about piquing his interest within the first few moments of knowing him.

“Is that your major, too?” he asked, trying not to sound too excited, or look too disappointed as Yoongi shook his head.

“I’m music tech,” he said. “But I—”

“He’s minoring in photography,” Namjoon said. “You said that’s your favorite medium, right?”

Taehyung nodded, and Yoongi laughed to himself as he shut his laptop. He took his headphones off from around his neck and started slipping everything into his backpack at his feet. “Namjoonie, you’re too much of an art nerd to be an engineering major.”

“You forget I make music too,” Namjoon said. “Humans are complex creatures.”

“Yeah, okay,” Yoongi said, standing and pulling his bag up with him. “I need a nap before my 3 o’clock class. But that’s cool, Tae. You should eat lunch with us sometime.”  

“Okay,” Taehyung nodded again, quicker this time, as if Yoongi might not see it. “Yeah, totally.”

As Yoongi gave them a tired goodbye, Taehyung began tallying the things he knew in that moment. One, Yoongi not only looked cool, but he was interesting too, with hobbies like mixing music and photography. Two, Yoongi was generous and invited freshmen to eat lunch with him. And three, Taehyung liked him.

Once Namjoon’s and Taehyung’s friend groups merged, he found himself thinking that a lot.

There were the moments where Yoongi would break out of his shell and crack obnoxious jokes, his gummy smile making Taehyung’s boxy one appear on his own face. Yoongi’s laugh would ring clear and genuine through whatever room they were in, and Taehyung would think, “I like him.”

Then, things started going downhill for Taehyung during spring semester, and Yoongi was the only one who seemed to notice. Or, at least, notice and care enough to ask and listen.

They’d sit on the floor of Yoongi’s apartment with empty cartons of ramen around them, and Yoongi would listen to Taehyung cry. Together, the two of them would weigh Taehyung’s options day after day, and Yoongi was the voice of reason when a tough decision ultimately had to be made.

When the semester finally came to a chaotic close, and Jimin and Jeongguk started dating, Jimin decided he was going to room with Jeongguk the following year. Yoongi gave up his comfortable apartment housing to return back to the dorms for his senior year, just so Taehyung didn’t have to live with someone random. It was in that moment, too, as Yoongi filled in their information on the housing website, that Taehyung thought, “I like him.”

And, of course, there was this year, just before he found out about the sunflowers. It was their first night in the new dorm, and Taehyung woke up in the middle of the night.

Yoongi was sitting awake in his bed, working on another song with the light of his computer shining on his face, and Taehyung finally understood why he took so many naps during the day. He was so invested in what he was doing, he didn’t even notice Taehyung slip out of bed and into the hall to go to the bathroom.

Eyelids heavy as he peed, Taehyung had thought of Yoongi’s heart and passion, and his tired brain repeated, “I like him, I like him, I like him.”

But those thoughts had all been strictly platonic, and he didn’t think it would end up like this. Even when the first few flowers grew in his chest on Halloween, he managed to shrug it off by the time he fell asleep.

He’d had crushes before, grew flowers that promptly died within a few weeks. And the only time they hadn’t died, his love was much more obvious to him than this. Surely, this would be over soon.

But it was December now, and the plague in Taehyung’s lungs was only getting worse. Even just remembering these moments on his way back to the dorms, he began coughing, and a few pink petals found their way into the snow at his feet.

It wouldn’t be long until Yoongi found out. That was a disaster he wasn’t looking forward to going through again.

That was unless Yoongi died first, which was a heart sinking realization Taehyung had the moment he unlocked the dorm’s door and found Yoongi still in bed. He hadn’t moved, still in the same fetal position he was in when Taehyung left for class this morning.

And, well, Taehyung didn’t think he could hear him breathe, so he held his own breath and reached out.

“Hyungie,” he said, nudging Yoongi’s shoulder. Lightly, because Yoongi hyung hated being woken up. He had to be alive, and Taehyung didn’t want to piss him off.

But there was no response.

“Yoongi hyung,” he said, pushing harder.

Still nothing.

“Wake up,” he said, practically shoving him now, his voice breaking. “Come on.”

Miraculously, Yoongi reached up and smacked Taehyung’s hand away from him with a grunt, and Taehyung breathed out. As he did, there was another tickle in his throat.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi grumbled, turning back over and pulling his comforter up over his shoulders.

The petal in Taehyung’s throat was threatening its way up, so he stepped further into the room and took a long swig from the week-old bottle of water on his desk. His heart was still hammering in his chest.

“It’s noon,” he tried to say casually. “Didn’t you have a 9 a.m.?”

“Nnh,” Yoongi grunted again, tightening the covers around him.

“And don’t you work today? At 1?”

“Shit,” he sighed, and that did it. He threw the covers off of him and, albeit slowly, got out of bed. As he dragged his feet to his dresser, he said, “I don’t think I’m going to go to class anymore.”

“What?” Taehyung slipped his canvas backpack off his shoulders and set it by his desk. He kept his eyes on Yoongi while Yoongi pulled his drawers open and searched lazily for his work shirt. “Why?”

“Because these—” Yoongi started hacking, each cough harsh and rough like usual. “Because these fucking flowers are going to kill me before graduation.”

“I get that, but you shouldn’t—”

“And I have a fever—” he kept coughing. “—every day anyway. I can barely focus at work, and serving coffee is—”

Just as Taehyung’s heart rate returned to normal, Yoongi’s coughing devolved into choking, a deep guttural sound escaping him. He stumbled backward, and his eyes filled with tears and desperation, hands gripping his throat as he took small, ragged breaths.

For a brief moment, Taehyung didn’t register what was happening. It happened fast, the way Yoongi began gasping and his face started turning purple.

Suddenly Taehyung was jumping from his place at his desk, rushing to his roommate’s side. He couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do in this situation, and his mind raced too fast for him to even catch a thought.

Somehow, though, his arms found their way around Yoongi’s waist from behind, and he pressed hard on Yoongi’s abdomen with clenched fists. Tears were slipping from his own eyes by the third time he did this. He was justmet with the relief of knowing Yoongi wasn’t dead in bed. This wasn’t happening.

But at some point, Yoongi brought a hand up to his mouth and reached in, and he gasped for long enough breaths that Taehyung could stop his clumsy Heimlich maneuver. He had to take a step back anyway, once he saw what Yoongi was tugging from his throat.

It was an entire devastating sunflower, stem and leaves and all, damp and covered in blood. Yoongi threw it into his trash can as though if he held it any longer, it was going to find its way back into his esophagus and kill him right then.

He gripped his bed frame and bent over, taking heavy, deep breaths. And though Taehyung couldn’t see his face, he thought he could hear him start to really cry, not just out of reflex.

“Fuck it,” Yoongi whispered, clearly unable to speak any louder. “They can—they can deal without me at work today. I’ll be dead by m’ next paycheck.”

“Hyung, you have to—” Taehyung tried, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “You can’t just—”

“What?” Yoongi snapped, standing up straight and letting out a groan. He limped around to fall back into his bed.

“You have to do something.”  

He was still audibly congested, and he let out another cough before he rolled over and said, “He doesn’t—he doesn’t like me. It’s clear. So what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“You don’t know that,” Taehyung mumbled, but Yoongi gave him a look. “At least go to the doctor, hyung! You can’t let it take over you without trying anything.”

“Not all of us can afford to pay 11 million won for a surgery whenever we fall in love with our best friend, Taehyung,” Yoongi said, mouth pinched.

Taehyung blinked and opened his mouth to respond but found that he didn’t know what to say. It was the struggle of Jimin’s favorite orchids growing in Taehyung’s chest while he watched Jimin and Jeongguk fall mutually in love that Yoongi noticed last spring.

Yoongi was the only one who knew, the only one who supported Taehyung’s decision to spend his college savings on the surgery instead of letting the orchids kill him. He was the one who drove him to and from the operation and covered for him on the days he wasn’t at the dorms, but instead recovering in a hospital bed.

It was unfair of him to use that against Taehyung, especially now, when it was happening all over again. When Yoongi was in love with someone else right in front of his eyes, and Taehyung had cherry blossoms inhabiting his lungs and was now too broke to do anything about it. He was in the same place as Yoongi.

But he couldn’t say all that, so he just blinked. He shut his mouth.

“Ah, Taehyungie, I’m sorry,” Yoongi said, sitting up and rubbing a hand down his face. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just—I’m just frustrated. Going to the doctor won’t do anything unless I have that money. You know that.”

“I know,” Taehyung said, voice small.

“I shouldn’t have said that. This all just sucks.”

“Will you at least talk to him?” he asked. He refused to say his name out of fear that it would cause another whole sunflower to suffocate Yoongi. “I don’t…look, I don’t want you to die.”

Maybe he could hear the sincerity and fear in Taehyung’s voice, see it on his face. Maybe he just realized it was his only option now. Either way, Yoongi nodded.

“Okay, fine,” he said. “I’ll talk to him. Just don’t tell anyone about this.”

“He what?” Jimin asked the very next day at dinner, ramen hanging off the chopsticks hovering in front of his mouth.

Yoongi had to have known that “anyone” didn’t include Jimin. Taehyung couldn’t nottell him, especially now that he and Jeongguk knew about Taehyung’s own affliction. It felt like any updates on Yoongi were an update on Taehyung’s own chance of survival.

“It was an entire sunflower,” Taehyung said, leaning in to whisper. “The flower, the stem…he literally choked. I had to give him the Heimlich maneuver.”

“Dude,” Jimin dropped his chopsticks back into his bowl without taking a bite. “That’s—”

“It’s not good,” Taehyung finished for him. “He can’t have more than a few months left, especially when he refuses to go to the doctor.”

“Why won’t he just tell him?” Jimin pouted.

“He said he would soon.”

“But then if they date,” Jimin said, picking his chopsticks back up and then promptly putting them down again, “…I mean, what does that mean for you?”

“I’ll figure it out,” Taehyung said, but his stomach dropped at the mere thought. It was bad enough having to hear Yoongi talk about Hoseok and his dimples and all the other things he had that Taehyung lacked.

Having to see them actually be together – constantly, considering he lives with Yoongi – could go one of two ways. He could learn to get over it, find someone else to fall in love with, and the flowers could stop growing. It’s early enough in his disease that maybeit could be possible.

Or his love, so unrequited it hurt, could grow so much that the flowers grew at twice the rate. That’s what happened with Jimin, and he was lucky he could get the surgery and make both the flowers and the feelings go away entirely. But that wasn’t an option now, and it almost felt like the 11 million won spent last spring were pointless.

It’s not like it extended his life expectancy very far.

“Maybe you should tell him too,” Jimin said, and a small smile spread across his face. “It could be like romance movie, where he realizes what’s been in front of him all along, and you both live happily ever after with clear lungs.”

“That’s exactly what wouldn’t happen,” Taehyung said. As much as he’s been pushing Yoongi to tell Hoseok, he understood now. But at least for him, he knew for a fact his chances were nonexistent. The evidence of that was still rotting in Yoongi’s trash bin as they spoke. “I wish things could be easy, like they were with you and—”

“So, I have an idea,” Jeongguk said, sliding into the seat beside Jimin. Judging by the way Taehyung and Jimin were huddled in secrecy, he knew exactly what they were discussing. “We perform the surgery ourselves.”

“Babe, no.”

“There are a million reasons why that wouldn’t work, Jeonggukie.”

“Hear me out,” he said as he tore open his chopsticks. “I know a few pre-med majors. They studied the procedure like last week, so it’s fresh in their brain. It’s foolproof, rea—”

He stopped abruptly, eyes trailing up behind Taehyung, and soon Yoongi fell into the seat beside him. Yoongi sighed, glaring down at his food, and decided to take a sip of his water instead of trying to eat.

“How’s your fever?” Taehyung asked. He was surprised to even see him there; the last he saw Yoongi, he was curled up in bed like yesterday, refusing to do anything or go anywhere.

“S’fine,” Yoongi said, more to his tray of food than Taehyung, but the way he shivered told Taehyung otherwise.

“I’m not saying he’s not strong,” Namjoon said, joining the table with Jin before Taehyung could prod any further. “I’m just saying Naruto could beat him in a fight.”

“And I’m saying you’re wrong,” Jin said.

“What’s Namjoon hyung wrong about?” Jeongguk asked.

“Goku or Naruto, who would win?”

“Oh, Goku would destroy Naruto.”

“Exactly.”

Hoseok was the last to join the table, and on his way to the seat across from Yoongi, he pulled Yoongi’s beanie off his head with a chuckle. Taehyung watched, the rest of the table’s bickering being tuned out, as Yoongi blushed down at his tray. Hoseok sat down and pulled the hat on over his head, rudely flashing the dimples that were causing all of this.

“You never came over last night, hyungie,” he said to Yoongi, who looked anywhere but him.

“Oh yeah, uh,” Yoongi mumbled, pushing his food around on his plate but still not taking a bite. He cleared his throat, looked up. “Uh, you know. I was working on my final project for workshop. I kinda lost track of time.”

What really happened was this: Taehyung sat across from Yoongi in his bed while he drafted a simple text message to Hoseok asking to hang out, just them. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, for Hoseok anyway, but Yoongi overthought every word with the knowledge that the text would eventually lead to his confession. Taehyung picked at his nails and did his best to help, flushing down the cherry blossoms that kept working their way up his throat with stale beer.

But then Yoongi started choking up more petals and a few leaves, and once the coughing subsided, he passed out. He fell asleep at the ripe hour of 7 p.m. and stayed that way until…well as far as Taehyung knew, until he got up to come to dinner.

“Maybe I could…come over after this?” Yoongi asked slowly. “I have something I want to…talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Hoseok nodded. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed off. I can’t describe it.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine!” Yoongi answered with just enough enthusiasm for it not to be believable. Hoseok lifted an eyebrow, and Yoongi looked at Taehyung for a brief second before turning back to Hoseok. He let his chopsticks clatter onto his plate and set his hands in his lap, shoulders falling. “It’s just…you know…stuff.”

“…Okay,” Hoseok said. “I have something to talk to you about too, actually.”

Hoseok’s words made Taehyung’s chest feel heavy. It was probably another case like Jimin and Jeongguk, where they both just had to tell each other their feelings and all would be well. He wasn’t sure what he did wrong to not deserve a case like that himself.

He hated himself for it, but regardless of how heavy he felt, he still reached under the table, took Yoongi’s hand in his, and squeezed. To his surprise, Yoongi placed his opposite hand on top of theirs and squeezed back.

Hoseok and Yoongi left the dining hall together with Hoseok’s arm slung over Yoongi’s shoulders, and Taehyung headed straight to the campus art studio to get his mind off of it.

He had everything necessary to distract himself – his final project for his painting and drawing class was due soon, pop music was blaring from the radio and echoing off the walls of the wide-open room, and his friend Sana was there working on her own project. Still, his mind wandered with every few strokes of his paintbrush.

They’re talking right now, he would think. They’re talking right now, and there’s not a single possible outcome that’s particularly great. Every fifteen minutes, he’d pull his phone out of his pocket and check for an update from Yoongi, but he was met with zero notifications every time.

It wasn’t until three hours later that he sat back and really looked at his painting, and nothing about it was right. The anatomy of the tiger was off, it wasn’t anywhere close to the skill level he was used to producing things at, and even at this stage, he could tell it wouldn’t get him anything close to a good grade.

But of course that’s how it looked – he had been too distracted to even glance at the reference image he was meant to be replicating. Taehyung groaned and resisted the urge to kick the easel and let the whole thing come falling down.

That had to be the very moment he started coughing, too. One cough after the next, he let the petals come all the way up his throat for the first time in the last two days.

“Are you—” Sana peaked from behind her canvas, paintbrush still hovering in front of it. “Do you need some water?”

“I’m fine,” he squeaked, waving his hand at her and standing from his stool. “It’s just—just the fumes, from the acrylics.”

She lifted her eyebrows, and he knew she didn’t believe him. Why would she? She’d been watching him barely work all night. She gave him a confused look by the fifth time he pulled his phone out, all too aware that he was giving more attention to his text messages than the canvas in front of him, so she had to know something – someone – was on his mind.

It didn’t matter if she believed him, anyway. He couldn’t stop himself from coughing, and soon he had to run to the nearest garbage can to spit the truth out in the form of cherry blossoms.

“No way,” Sana said, right behind him. “Who is it?”

She wasn’t concerned; most people wouldn’t be. To the majority of society, the flowers were a rite of passage. They killed hundreds of people every year, sure, but something like 87% of those people were cases of failing relationships that became one-sided.  Outside of relationships, the love usually didn’t run deep enough to kill. You got a crush, you grew flowers, and if they didn’t like you back, you got over it.

The thing Sana didn’t know was that Taehyung didn’t see himself getting over it any time soon. The other 13% of cases were people with crushes on friends, people whose love already ran deep and was taken to another level. People like Taehyung. People like Yoongi.

“You don’t know him,” he lied, waving her off again. He kept coughing, spitting out petal after petal into the trash.

“That’s…a lot of flowers,” Sana said. “Are you sure you’re—”

She was cut off by him gagging and resigned to patting his back, periodically rubbing slow circles that he could now say didn’t actually help. He could feel her looking over his shoulder as she did, peering to see what kind of flowers they were.

When he finally stood up straight several coughs later, she squinted at him, trying to figure him out. His shoulders fell, and he sighed.

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’ll get over it soon. It’s just a random—”

“Is it Min Yoongi?”

Taehyung blinked fast, shaking his head. “What?”

“He was in my photography class last year. His phone case had cherry blossoms on it,” she shrugged. “Plus, you guys are friends,aaand you kept muttering, ‘Come on, Yoongi,’ every time you’d check your phone.”

Taehyung just kept shaking his head, stepping around her to return to his easel. He didn’t need anyone else to know, and besides, he didn’t have time to explain himself. Not when he still didn’t know what was going on with Yoongi and Hoseok.

“I have to go,” he said, tugging his coat on and slipping his bag over his shoulder. “Will you put my canvas on the rack? And clean my brushes? Sorry.”

“Sure. Are—Are you—”

“Don’t worry,” he said, waving over his shoulder. “Like I was saying, it’s just a random guy in one of my classes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Taehyung didn’t get back to the dorm until well after 11 p.m. The lights were off, and the room was silent aside from the buzzing of the heater in the corner. He tiptoed inside and set his bag down as gently as possible, careful not to wake Yoongi.

Chances are, regardless of what happened, Yoongi came right back here and let his exhaustion take over once more. Taehyung would have to wait until morning for answers, but at least he could rest assured knowing Yoongi was okay for now.

That relief only lasted seconds, though, because when Taehyung turned on his desk lamp to change into pajamas, Yoongi’s unmade bed was empty in the dim light.  

“Wha—" he muttered, rubbing his eyes. He glanced around at Yoongi’s side of the room, as if hoping he was hiding among the clothes falling off of hangers in his closet or behind the camera equipment on his desk.

Taehyung waited and waited, but he never got a response. Ten minutes later, and a typing bubble still didn’t appear. He tried to convince himself that Yoongi was just busy working on a song or a project for class, but the more he read over Yoongi’s typo, the more chills ran up his spine.

Before he knew it, he was putting his boots and coat back on and making the trek to the other side of campus. The snow crunched beneath his feet, and sharp winds stung his cheeks as his breathing became shallow.

For once, the excessive warmth of the campus buildings was welcomed by Taehyung. He could barely feel his hands as he pushed open the door of the media building and took the stairs two at a time to the basement.

There were multiple recording studios downstairs, but Taehyung had visited Yoongi there enough times to know that Studio E was his favorite. He knocked once, then twice, fist heavy on the door.

He was met only with a groan, but it was a groan nonetheless. A sign of life. He tried the door handle and was able to let himself in.

Taehyung wasn’t sure what he was expecting. It’s not like a groan meant Yoongi would be sitting up straight and working away at a mix with the same passion in his eyes as he had that night three months ago. But he wasn’t expecting to find Yoongi slouched over the desk with his cheek on the mixing console, eyes closed. His phone was at his feet.

The only thing that kept Taehyung from panicking more was Yoongi’s heavy, labored breathing.

“Hey,” he whispered, slinking over to poke him. That, at least, elicited another groan. “Did you—did you tell him?”

“Nnh,” Yoongi grunted as he worked to sit up straight again. His eyes were bloodshot, but Taehyung couldn’t remember if they’d been that way for a while from all of the coughing and choking or if it was something new. “Yeah, I told him.”

Taehyung rung his hands together, feeling his entire body tremble as he awaited the details. “Well, does he…”

“Let’s just say I’m still dying.”

Taehyung gasped so quickly that he started coughing, and he was lucky another cherry blossom petal didn’t come flying out. “What?” he asked when he managed to catch his breath.

“He doesn’t like me,” Yoongi rasped, turning to look at the monitors in front of him and away from Taehyung. He was still somewhat slouched over, frown pressed into his face. “I told you. This was stupid.”

“But—But it’s like they say,” Taehyung tried. “You—you planted the seed. He’ll think about it now, a-and there are plenty of cases where—”

“No, Taehyung.”

“He said he had something to tell you, though!” Taehyung whined, his throat going raw as he held back from crying. His own fate was sealed from the very start of this, but Yoongi hyung couldn’t die. “It was that he liked you, wasn’t it? That he was growing cherry blossoms, that—”

“No, that wasn’t it,” Yoongi said, lying his head back down on the console controls. “It’s…nnh…it’s too late. There’s not enough time to change anything.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung begged. “Stop being so cryptic.”

“He likes someone else,” Yoongi said, as matter-of-fact as he could get, and Taehyung thought he saw him wince. He cleared his throat and went on, “Taehyung-ah, he…he’s growing cherry blossoms, but they’re not for me.”

[bts-d-onut]

Yellow Carnations (Jeon Jungkook x reader)

picture from: pinterest

Summary: It was inevitable. That disease. No one wants to let go, so, they choose to suffer instead. Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader Contains: Hanahaki Disease, um mentions of blood.

***

His breath shakes and another wave of painful cough wracked his body. His hand flew to his throat, desperate to make the pain go away. But it wasn't just the coughs. Blood came along it. He was coughing out blood...and petals.

Petals of yellow carnation falls out of his mouth with every cough.

His disease is different yet a lot of people suffer from it. Hanahaki. Hanahaki disease. A disease caused by one-sided love. There's a cure of course.

But could it really be considered as a 'cure' when it takes away your ability to love that person or anyone again?

That's the reason why he didn't want it. He kept the disease despite the pain. And so he suffers everyday, every minute, every second. Just because he didn't want to let go of her. He didn't want to forget that he loved her.

It's painful to watch him. But I was his friend. I tried to reason with him, I scolded him, yelled at him to get the surgery. But he wouldn't listen. He loves her too much. At this point, there's just no stopping him. So I let him be. I stayed by his side, wiped the blood, swept the petals, gave him comfort.

"Thank you, (Name). I'm grateful to have you." He looked at me and gave a sad smile. I sighed and wiped the blood off his mouth.

"Anything for you, Kook. Anything."

"Thank you." Tears welled up in his doe-like eyes as he reached for me and I let him wrap his arms around me, give me warmth, feel his pain and gratitude. I let him do it because he needed it.

***

"Call me again, hm?"

"Sure. Thank you again." He smiles and closed the door. That was my cue. That was the only moment I wouldn't have to hide.

I fell down on the floor, coughing violently, my hand over my mouth to try and lessen the sound. Blood. Flowers. My own tears spilled on the floor, mixing with the blood that's splattered on it. In Jungkook's case, it were petals that he coughs out. That means it was just new.

But mine were full grown flowers without the stems, of course. Same flowers. Yellow carnation.

Disappointment.

Rejection.

If he was stupid for not choosing the surgery because he loves her, I'm the same but worse. I watch him still love her, I comfort him because he just love her too much. While I am suffering too. But I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to stop loving him. Call it torture but he's my everything, losing the ability to love him is losing him. So I stood up, and knocked on the door, wiping the blood off my mouth.

"Jungkook? Can I come in? I spilled something on the floor outside, I'm just gonna clean it and go."

----

oh did i forget to mention it was angst? ahh...

[markley]

hanahaki — kth

summary — who knew love could kill so violently? 

genre — pure angst

warnings — blood, death

word count — 1.5k

a/n — get ur tissues ready, everybody

you remember the first day you met kim taehyung perfectly. the sky was a light gray and rain fell harshly around you. you had forgotten to grab a coat before running off to school, and now you were really wishing you had one as you left the safety of the building to go home.

you were a junior in high school at the time. taehyung was in a few of your classes but you had never really talked to him. he was quite popular, but more by association. he himself was quite quiet, and quite odd. 

that rainy day you met him was also very odd. basically, taehyung had seen you shivering in just your uniform, soaked and walking the way towards your home. you admittedly were freezing but it’s not like you could do anything about it. you also didn’t do anything when kim taehyung walked up to you, offering a ride home so you wouldn’t freeze to death out in the cold rain.

you were still, considering it. while you knew he wasn’t some crazy killer, you also didn’t know the boy well and were obviously a bit reluctant to take the offer. however the idea of jogging for 10 minutes in the rain made you scrunch your nose as you agreed, thanking him.

on the short way there taehyung and you talked a little bit, getting to know eachother more than just what you know from gossip and school. apparently he was thrusted in to popularity by his neighbor and friend jungkook, the school heartthrob. you had met jungkook before; he was nice, a little awkward for such an adored boy but definitely very sweet.

after he dropped you off, taehyung made a silent agreement to himself to become friends with you, and he kept to it. the next day at school he approached you in class, declaring his friendship dramatically. since then, the two of you were practically inseparable.

and since then you have had the largest crush on your best friend.

this is why you are now leaning over the sink in your bathroom, blood and flowers splattered across the porcelain. everyone has heard of the rare disease hanahaki, when flowers grow in your throat, causing the unlucky person to cough petals, eventually suffocating. it happens when the patient suffers from one-sided love, which sadly you are right now.

looking down at the shades of red, you sigh, causing a sting in the back of your throat. of course taehyung has to like roses. the thorns were obnoxious to cough up, and cause even more pain than with other flowers.

you have been suffering from hanahaki for weeks, and it keeps getting progressively worse and worse. yoongi, your other best friend has insisted you get surgery to remove the disease, but you stubbornly refuse each time. no matter how much it hurts, you don’t want to lose those feelings.

earlier, before you were over the sink coughing your lungs out, a large racket came from your door. behind it, laid heartburn you have never been hurt more by. groggy, you begin to get out of bed. the knocks gradually get louder and you shout back in aggravation “listen you little shit!”

you run towards the door, glaring at the tall man before you, his hand still midair. “taehyung, i am going to kill you one of these days.” said boy laughs, picking you up and moving you out of the way so he can walk inside. you huff, but hold back a slight smile before closing the door. “what do you want you brat?”

“damn, y/n. what a way to treat your best friend,” tae playfully pouts at you before grinning. you can’t help but grin back at his boxy smile. “and i am here to gossip of course!”

rolling your eyes, you walk into the kitchen and make a cup of water, gesturing for taehyung to explain. “well? go on.”

“okay so you know minji?” your smile fades slightly. of course you knew minji. she was the girl taehyung had the largest crush on, and also the girl who deserved him much more than you. tae has talked about her for a while, and you as his closest friend have stuck by him and helped him with his ‘girl problems’. you did this even though it killed you inside.

yoongi has reprimanded you constantly for this, saying that helping taehyung with minji is not worth it if it’s bringing you such pain. plus, yoongi found out about your hanahaki and has been taking care of you, not so much hiding his obvious distaste for the boy who caused it.

“yeah? what about her, tae?” his smile is bright and you heart breaks just a little. his eyes shine and you listen intently as he talks about how he confessed, her admitting to liking him back.

“so now i guess we are going on a date! isn’t that amazing?!” taehyung’s grin is so happy you can’t bring yourself to even feel bad for yourself.

“tae, im so happy for you.” and you were, truly. but you also knew that the discomfort growing in the back of your throat will only get worse with each loving word that leaves taehyung’s lips. “hey, what time is the date?”

“in a few hours.”

“then you should go get ready! besides i have plans with yoongi i gotta get to. he’ll kill me if i raincheck again.” taehyung laughs softly before getting up, leaving with a hug and a soft kiss to your forehead. “bye tae. love you!”

“love you too, y/n!” of course you do, tae. but not the same way i do.

and this is why you are where you are. you hear a door opening, and see as yoongi walks in without knocking, running towards your weak body as you lean over the bathroom sink.

“i told you, y/n. i fucking told you.” his words are harsh but he speaks softly, stroking your hair as you cry into his arms. with a sigh, he pushes you until you look him in the eye. “what happened?”

“he got a girlfriend, yoongi. god, it hurts— it hurts so bad.” you shakily cry, clutching your heart as it breaks just a little.

“i know... i know.” and he holds you until you stop crying, holds you until you finally are able to get up. but no matter how much you hide it the pain in your throat will forever worsen.

he’s so happy now. taehyung is all smiles and his eyes brighten with a thousand stars when he talks about her— and it kills you every time. every time you end up with blood and petals littering the floor beneath you. and every time yoongi has to be there to bring you back up. and every time you stand back up, you fall farther once again.

the last time you fell was two months later; taehyung and minji were going strong and you were growing weaker. you’ve begun to regurgitate entire roses, the thorns cutting almost as much as tae’s loving words of someone who isn’t you.

that day, you’re body couldn’t handle the torture your heart has been through from every late night gush, every eye smile directed her way and every time he almost says he loves her. but this time he did. he loved her, and you couldn’t even push taehyung out the door before your heart ached and your eyes watered from the large, sharp flowers leaving your lips so harshly.

he loved her

taehyung called yoongi in fear, who rushed to your apartment. you locked the bathroom door behind your shaking body. you couldn’t breath, you couldn’t see and you couldn’t feel anything more than the pull of your heartstrings.

he loved her

you couldn’t hear anything other than the slaming front door and the throbbing in your ears. it was all too much and you collapsed at the same time yoongi busted in. he didn’t want to admit it, but he knew. he knew you were too weak, too heartbroken and he held you as you cried the last time, covered in your blood and beautiful black roses.

your lips were dry, caked red with blood and a petal hung in your mouth before you coughed again. you looked towards taehyung and smiled, knowing it will be your last. yoongi shakes his head, telling you it will be okay.

you grab onto his arm softly. “it doesn’t hurt anymore.” and with a last gaze drifting towards the one hard but forever beautiful love you ever felt, you say the words you’ve always wanted to say; “i loved you taehyung. and every painful moment was worth it.” you sigh, a hand clutching yoongi’s.

“you were worth it.” and then you close your eyes for the last time, with a last cough and a last breath. you begin to die in yoongi’s arms while the one who’s killing you stares at your limp body, frozen. finally he breaks, falling to his knees next to you, and the last thing you hear is taehyung saying-

“i loved you too.”

and then you were gone.

why must love kill so violently?

———————————————————————

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

2 Years of Lost Time

BTS

Jeon Jungkook/Reader [F]

Genre: Hanahaki AU, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending 

Words: 5.9k

Who’s bad at Hanahaki AUs? Me? Correct.  But I wanted to try, okay? I also made the disease a bit more flexible by adding an extra rule, but you know me and my slow burn build up.  

-------------------------------

Hanahaki.  A disease centered around the toxic effects of flowers that bloom in the human body due to love; more specifically assumed unrequited love.  There are two ways in which the human populous can suffer from Hanahaki: if the person is, or over, the age of 18 and they have experienced true, real love.  

Having a high-school crush, or having a phase of just ‘puppy love’ isn’t what the mind considered true love.  There was no way in describing what true love was, all a person knew was when they started hacking up petals, they were in love with someone and they always knew who.  Whether they liked it or not.

You first met Jeon Jungkook for the first time when you transferred to his high school at the age of 17. Being put in his class, it was typical to get to know your classmates, even if you weren't close.  It was common knowledge that he was a hardworking student busy both in and out of school.  Balancing the life of an idol trainee and a high school student was hard work.

You hadn’t really gotten to know Jungkook, even if he was a classmate.  He had friends, and some of your friends were his as well, but you and him never really spoke.  You admired him, his talent and his looks for sure, but you didn’t want to be so shallow and only speak to him because of his physical attributes. If you got to know him, its because you wanted to know him.

Then, you had an opportunity.  You had been assigned with Jungkook to a project in one of your classes, and so at the end of it you watched as he got up from his seat and strutted over to you.  He seemed a bit coy as he held his phone out and muttered if he could have your number for easier future communication.  

Swapping numbers and the shrill sound of the final bell ringing, Jungkook had offered just a wave of his hand as he ran off to his friends, where his coy demeanor changed into a comfortable one.  Joking and laughing like you’d normally see him around the campus. Another thing that was commonly noticed about Jeon Jungkook was that he was shy around most girls, all but one.  

His girlfriend.  A model figure of what a typical, cute, Korean school girl would be.  Short, shoulder length brunette hair, large brown orbs that reflected the brightest shade of ember if the sun shone in them, plush cheeks, and just the right attributes of the female body.  Jungkook, at the young age of 17 had completely figured he was in love with his girlfriend.  

Always happy to see her, happy to hold her as he kissed at her nose or when she laughed at one of his lame jokes or an ugly face he pulled.  He didn’t even bother thinking, or worrying about Hanahaki at this point in his life.  He had convinced himself he was utterly smitten.  

He had left school that day, heading back to the dorms where his fellow trainees lived along with him.  He had shot you a text, after knowing that the would need to set up a time and place to work.  

The next day, on the starting weekend, you had woken up early and got dressed. You told your parents the night prior that you were going out to work on a project with a classmate today, so when you got up you saw a plate of food, wrapped and waiting for you on the kitchen counter with a note from your father that said that the left overs from what he made when he left at 6 am that morning were all yours.  

Showering, packing your bags with your textbook, notes and assignments, you slipped on a hoodie, jeans and shoes before waiting for the text from Jungkook when he was all finished up.  He had finished around noon that day, and he texted you when he got back to the dorms, telling that you could just come there and he’ll meet you out front.  A proposition in which you agreed you.  

You had showed up at the front of the dorm building, bag on your back and leaning against the wall as you texted him you were out front.  Taehyung, who had snatched his phone from him asked what he was doing when he explained he had a project to work on.  The older boy threw a fit about wanting to meet one of his classmates, but Jungkook rushed out of the building, grabbing his phone on the way out.  

He met you outside and the two of you went to the nearest cafe to work, just in case he got called back for last minute work related things then he wouldn’t be far.  

The two of you worked for a few hours, before conversation started to naturally roll off of Jungkook’s tongue.  Asking you questions about the work, then about yourself.  The back and forth question and answer game grew into casual conversation and by the time you were packing up to go back to your home, Jungkook was able to look you in the eyes and speak rather comfortably. He was amazed at himself if he was being honest.  

He’d never warmed up to a girl that easily, that quickly before.  Not even his girlfriend who he adored.  He wouldn’t let the comfortable atmosphere he felt around you go, and soon he was asking you to work on the project everyday until it was due. Even then, past that point he would show up at your house, drag you out to the dorm, or just go to the nearest arcade and own you in some random point and shoot game he wasted his money on.

The two of you became fast friends, best friends even.  You had met the boys at the dorm, them always picking on the maknae by choosing you over him.  Making him whine in the aspect of that he knew them longer so he should be chosen as the favorite and that you were his best friend and they can go shove one.  But, no matter how close you got to him, he was almost always pulled away from by his girlfriend.  

It was clear to anyone that she had a strong distaste for you; clear to anyone but Jungkook.  In the beginning, you thought that maybe it was because of her and her distrust for you that you kept feeling various pangs of pain in your body.  You wanted to get along with her, wanted her to trust and accept you as Jungkook’s best friend, for his sake.  

Whenever you would think of Jungkook and the next time you would get to see him on your own, you would get a headache, and it would intensify with each moment you thought on the topic.  With every laugh of his directed towards his girlfriend you felt your stomach knot up and ache in the most uncomfortable of ways. Then, on your 18th birthday, it happened.  

You had just woken up, but not willingly.  You were woken up when someone had jumped onto your bed and smothered your body under your blanket, laughing as you groaned and kicked, trying to get them off you.  The blanket was pulled back from your face when you were on your back and revealed a smiling Jungkook sitting on you.  You looked at him with narrowed, drowsy eyes.

“What are you doing here?”  Jungkook just twisted around and grabbed a a bag from the floor and put it on his lap.  You moved to sit up, him climbing off you as he jumped in place and held the bag out for you.  You were still half asleep, so with a yawn and no really knowing why he was giving you something, you opened the bag and pulled out what was inside.  

A large box, or rather a shoe box, presented itself to your view and inside was a pair of new Timberlands.  Jungkook smiled as you held it in your hand and admired the texture and cleanliness of the boot.  

“Happy Birthday!”  The realization hit you that it was your birthday before you busted out laughing.  Jungkook laughed with you, knowing you were way too out of it to know right away.  The point was that now you two had matching Timberlands and you would be wearing them out when he took you to the cafe you had your first project work session with him.  

It was 3 when he took you back to your house, apologizing because he wanted to spend longer with you, but he had told his girlfriend he would see her today too.  With a bile feeling in your gut, you thanked him for his gift, and with a hug and a wave goodbye you felt like you were going to get sick. You bolted up into the bathroom and slammed the door behind you as you prepared to retch into the toilet, but nothing came up your throat but a single petal of a red carnation.

You had never told anyone about the petal you coughed up that day, or the ones following it the days after.  Not Jungkook, not your parents, your friends or the boys.  By the time you realized what was wrong, it was too late and you wouldn’t act on it.  You’re heart ached every time you saw Jungkook and his girlfriend in the halls, running to hide yourself while you catch the petals falling from your mouth in your palm and scatter them out a window to catch the wind.  

You were laying in bed one day when you got a call from Jungkook, a call that made you jump out of bed and rush to the dorms.  He was crying.  When you got there, you made it to his room where he was laying in his bed, face down and Taehyung rubbing his back.  You silently asked Tae to move over as you sit on the edge of the bed behind him and ran your fingers through his hair.  

Jungkook, feeling the difference in the gentleness of the affection he was receiving, turned his head and saw your hips and moved to look up into your face.  You offered him a small smile as he just moved and captured your waist in his arms and dug his face into your stomach, crying again.  

His girlfriend had broken up with him that day. He was heartbroken, but he wasn’t yet 18, so maybe those flowers wouldn’t hurt him like they hurt you.  You sat with him, biting your tongue and swallowing to keep those damn petal down so that they wouldn’t spill from your mouth at seeing Jungkook cry over another woman he cared about.  Another woman that wasn’t you.  

And yet, you bit at your tongue harder, just enough to punish your mind, as a part of you was glad that he wasn’t taken now.  You hated yourself for thinking that as you coaxed and shushed his cries.  

2 years it was like this.  

He had officially debuted with the other boys, as well as graduated beside you.  When he became single again, he refused to date to focus on work and stuck to his team and to you.  He refused to let you leave him, you were his best friend.  He had never coughed up those god forsaken petals, making him believe he wasn’t really in love to begin with, just infatuated.  

Now, you were both 20.  You worked as much as you could, as well as you were always paying visits to Jungkook and the boys at Bighit.  You were sitting in on a practice they had today, them wanting to go out with you later that evening and you had the day off, so you didn’t see why not.  You’d be suffering with petals for 2 years now.  

One would think it would be impossible to last this long, thinking your body would deteriorate away and grow weaker.  And you were.  You were weaker day after day and it was hard.  Breathing became a chore, a taxing effort you almost wanted to stop and hold your breath just to ease the pain of your chest once and awhile.

While in the middle of one of their dances, you felt the bile in your throat burn and you quickly rushed out of the room into the halls to shut yourself into a small, private bathroom as you slammed the door, too narrow-minded to lock it behind you.  You fell to the tile floor as you hacked, blood and flowers of red and yellow carnations spilled from your mouth as well as leaves.  You lost consciousness as you reached the toilet to hack into it.  

You were at your limit.

Jungkook had watched you in the mirror rush out of the room in the middle of a song, but you hadn’t returned.  Your face looked pale this morning when you showed up, maybe you were sick?  The feeling of you being unwell made his stomach turn as he dismissed himself to go look for you.

He went to the nearest bathroom and knocked on the door, suspecting you’d be in there. After a few knocks, you still didn’t answer.  There was nothing. He saw the lights beneath the door, showing that someone was in there.  

“Y/N?” He called out and still got nothing in reply.  He twisted the knob, noticing how it wasn’t locked, the small detail frightening him. He opened the door and panic flooded every sense in his body as he stared into the small room.  

Flowers, leaves, and blood littered the floor as it all lead to you, your unconscious body laying still on the hard tile.  Jungkook tripped as he ran into the room, his knees hitting the hard floor as he turned you on your side from your stomach. He choked on his unshed tears that burned his eyes at the sight of flowers sitting in your mouth.  It was like someone just shoved a bouquet of red and yellow carnations into your mouth and left you there.  

The bathroom you both were was tucked away, isolated from the hustle and bustle of the entertainment building.  He shook you back and forth, calling out to you, hoping you’d answer him.  He wanted to rip those damn flowers out of your mouth, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Y/N!  Wake up!  Please.. Oh god..”  He panicked as he looked up and down your body.  He didn’t know what to do.  What should he do?  What the hell should he do?!  You were laying on the bathroom floor, dying, and he had no idea what the fuck he should do.  He rubbed his red eyes harshly as he rolled you onto your back and flinched when you coughed from the stems routed to your insides were now positioned straight down your throat.  

You would choke on them.  He quickly lifted up your back to sit your body up and then tucked his arm under your legs before picking you up and running like a bat out of hell back to the practice room.  He had to get back to the guys, he had to.  They would know what to do.  

He kicked open the door and Namjoon immediately, in seeing your state in Jungkook’s arms, got up and everyone was on their feet.  

“Hospital now.”  Jin had grabbed his keys as Yoongi was given Namjoon’s to his own car and the team of 7 was out in a flash.  Jungkook was in the backseat of Jin’s car clutching you to his chest, refusing to let you go, with Namjoon on JIn’s passenger side.  Yoongi was quick to keep up with Jimin, Taehyung and Hobi with him, all silent with fear of your state.  

Jimin though, knew this would happen one day.  He sat in the back seat of the car Yoongi drove as he remembered when he found out you were sick.  

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He had been wandering around for a while, having free time for once and he found himself close to your apartment.  He didn’t bother announcing himself, as he never had before so why start now?  He trotted up to your apartment and punched in your security code and easily strutted into your home.  He didn’t hear anything in your apartment though.  

You were home, your shoes settled in the landing like normal told him that.  It was far too late in the afternoon for you to be sleeping either.  Perhaps you were in the shower?  

He moved through the apartment as he stopped in front of the bathroom door, ready to knock on it when he heard lurching and gags coming from inside.  He rushed into the room, expecting to see a vomiting woman on the floor of her bathroom, but the scent of flowers made him know it was much worse than that. 

He watched as you pushed your face into a trash bin, away from the toilet.  Jimin grabbed your shoulder, pulling you back as you swatted at his hand to get him off you.  You didn’t fully comprehend someone was with you at the moment, the pain in your stomach, working it’s painful trails up your throat too preoccupying.  

Jimin, wanting answers, pulled the bin from you and watched as the next few petals laced in blood fall onto your legs instead of the black bag of your bin.  You growled and dry heaved as you reached for the bin Jimin had slowly put down.  He looked at you, eyes blown wide as you sobbed and cried and wanted to scream.   

He put the bin back in front of you as he sat behind you and put his hands on your back, rubbing it as well as pulling your hair back.  It wasn’t vomit, but maybe the action would calm you down?  

When your episode had finished, you heaved heavily and your throat was sore and dry to the point even swallowing hurt. You needed water, and Jimin was up to get you some and get it back to you as quickly as he could.  When he came back, you were gulping down the cold liquid, welcoming the burn as it moistened your parched throat, he spoke.

“Who is it?” You pulled the glass from your lips and looked down.  “Y/N, who?”  

“Jungkook.”  He sat beside you, crossing his legs, noting that you wouldn’t want to move for a while.  Each episode took more and more out of you and it left you dazed for a while afterwards.  

“How long.”

“Since highschool.”Jimin gasped as he leaned forwards and grabbed your shoulder.

“That’s way too long Y/N!  You need to go to a doctor, you need treatment!”  You shook your head.  You refused treatment.  If you got surgery, you’d forget and that was the last thing you wanted.  You’d rather push through as long as you could and even die by those damn flowers than bare the idea of forgetting.  Forgetting him would be worse than the pain you felt everyday.  

“I’m not going to.”  

“Y/N-”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell anyone I’m sick. They’ll force me into a hospital.”  You’re voice cracked.  “Please, Jimin.  I don’t want to forget, I don’t care what happens.  Please.. Please don’t tell anyone!”  You leaned forward and clutched the sleeves of his arms as you bowed to the floor, begging, pleading him to keep your secret.  

“I.. I won’t tell anyone.”  You looked up to him.  “But, if you get worse, I will.  You might not want to forget, but we don’t want to lose you.  Jungkook would be heartbroken.”  At the mention of his name you wanted to cough again, but you held it back, swallowing it down. Since then, Jimin had been watching you, as well as observing Jungkook to see if there was any chance he could possibly return your feelings and make your suffering stop.

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When Jin screeched to a stop at the front doors of the hospital, Namjoon and Jungkook bounded out of the car, you in Jungkook’s arms as Jin pulled the car around to park it and join them inside, the other 4 running in as well.  Jungkook was barely aware of his screams for help as he held you.  

When he screamed or shouted you were quick to shut him up, yelling back or hitting him, but now, even so close to him and his voice booming, you didn’t stir at all. 

Upon seeing the flowers keeping your mouth open and slowly suffocating you, you were taken from Jungkook’s arms and placed on your back on a stretcher.

“Don’t lay her on her back, she can’t breathe!”  He remembered your unconscious struggle to breath when he turned you in the bathroom and Namjoon held his chest to keep him from running after you as you were wheeled down the halls into immediate care.  

Horrified. That’s what Jungkook was.  He was horrified.  Someone he cared about so much was suffering from Hanahaki, and he had no idea.  With how much time he spent at your side, with how much he cared about you, he never noticed.  He couldn’t tell.  How long were you sick? Why did you let it get this bad?  Who.. who were you in love with?

The idea of you being in love made his heart twist.  After all, know one knew of his own petals that started falling from his lips when he thought of you 4 months ago.  His sickness was nothing fatal right now. He knew he was in love with you, that was certain, but seeing you in such a state made him feel like he was healthy as can be.  

The boys were elsewhere as Jungkook just looked in the direction you went and as Jimin went to confront Jungkook about it, he watched as a petal spluttered from the maknae’s mouth.  Jimin’s brows dipped as he grabbed his arm and dragged him outside.  

Pushing him into an alley, Jungkook wanted nothing to do with being outside.  He wanted to be inside, but Jimin was set on keeping him out.  What did he want?

“Cough.”  Jungkook looked at Jimin, the sudden demand of the older man odd.

“What?”

“You heard me.  Cough.”  Jungkook didn’t want to, but his mind reeled back to you and an involuntary one left him, along with a puff of 3 petals into the air that Jimin watched flutter to the ground.  “Who is it.”  Jungkook continued to give his Hyung looks of disbelief.  Was now really the time for this game?  

“Who cares right now, Y/N is in there and I need to be with her!”  He went to turn and walk off, but Jimin grabbed his bicep and pushed him back against the wall.  He got closer to the younger man and raised his voice.

“You being with her is the reason she’s here in the first place dammit!”  Jungkook stopped and looked at Jimin, eyes starting to grow annoyed, yet curious.

“What the hell do you mean.”  

“Why do you feel the right to go back in there when you’re the one causing her pain?!”

“What are you talking about!”  He tried to shake off Jimin, tried to go back, go to where you were.  

“You heard me!”

“Because I love her Hyung!”  He effectively pushed Jimin off him as he huffed, doubling down as he coughed out 5 more petals.  Jimin watched him as his hair hung down at his bent over state.  “I love her, okay?”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you loved her?  When did you realize?  How long have you been sick?” Jungkook straightened back up, wiping the drool that seeped out his mouth with the coughing fit.  

“4 months ago.”  Jimin ran his hands through his hair, wanting to hit Jungkook.  He wanted to hit him so much.  

“Only 4 months?” Jungkook was ready to fire back, but Jimin interrupted him.  “No, keep your mouth shut and listen.”  He pointed to the building of the hospital.  “That woman has been sick for 2 years Jungkook!  Sick because she fell in love with you!”  Jungkook was frozen.  “Do you realize how much she’s suffered up until now?  I was terrified she was going to die when I found her sitting on her bathroom floor pushing up a bloody garden through her body.  No treatment, nothing, just stubbornness and love for 2 years.  Now you come, 18 months later and only now realize how important she is?!”  

“I-I didn’t know,” you loved him?  He turned to look at the doors to the hospital and gripped at Jimin’s arm.  “Please, i want to go back inside.”  Jimin took Jungkook’s hand, and told him a final thing.

“Things will end tonight.”  He dragged the younger man inside as Jimin took the liberty of explaining the situation with Y/N and with Jungkook.  The members were all mixed with feeling, but they were soon interrupted when a doctor had approached them, asking for the group who brought you in. Jungkook rushed up to him the quickest.  

“The young lady-”

“Y/N,” Jin interjected, as the doctor didn’t know her name.

“-Y/N, is stable,” a brief relief, “for now.”  The tension returned.  “She’s a fatal case.  If we wait any longer, she’ll like lose her life.  We need to prepare for an immediate surgery.”  Jungkook grabbed his arm first, Jin trying to get him to let go of the poor doctor.  

“Wait!  Don’t put her through surgery!  Just.. just let me see her.  Let’s me talk to her. I don’t care if she’s not awake, just let me see her!  Please!” The doctor looked at his watch.  

“She has the average of 10 minutes before things take an irreversible turn.  Get in and get out.”  Jungkook nodded as he was quickly ushered into the wing and to your bed side.  He felt an involuntary sob leave him as he saw you lay on that bed.  A clear mask was over your mouth, but your mouth was still open, flowers still laying visibly on your tongue.  

He was quickly by your side, kneeling to take your chilled hand in his and push it against his forehead.  He was literally praying for you to hear him, even if your unconscious and your eyes were closed.  He prayed that your mind would hear him and it would all be okay.  

“Please.. Don’t leave me.   I swear, I-I didn’t know you were sick.  I didn’t know anything.  I’m so so sorry I didn’t notice, I’m a horrible best friend, but I promise I care!  I care about you so much, I love you so much, I don’t want to see you die.” He grabbed your hand tighter as he pushed his forehead onto it so desperately and clamped his eyes shut.  “Why didn’t you tell me..” his voice was a whisper as cries mixed into it.  

“You have to be okay.  You have to wake up again. You have to look at me so I can tell you how in love with you am.  You hear me, you have to.  I need to tell you I love you, and you need to tell me you love me too.”  His throat started to suddenly burn, like someone ignited a match into it.  He jumped, his already racing heart picking up as your heart monitor and pulse machine began to go crazy, his pain forgotten in his fear.  

He jumped off the floor, dropping your hand as he watched your chest convulse and shake, the machines screaming and blinking all sorts of lights.  Nurses and doctors rushed into the room, Jungkook refusing to leave you.  Namjoon had burst into the room and pried the young boy out of the room.  His screams for you to wake up and be okay deafening.  

Namjoon pulled him back to where the rest of all of them were, as he collapsed and cried.  He pulled at his dark hair, pushing his hands into his face and with sobbed, his throat still feeling like it’s a raging wildfire.  He pushed on it, holding it to try and soothe the pain. His sobs and cries gone into silence and the pain numbing.  

The doctor from before, after hours of waiting for  your current condition status, approached the boys again.  Jungkook stayed sat down, Hobi beside him as he rubbed his back and kept his mind calm, or as calm as it could be. He didn’t want to talk to that doctor, he didn’t want to talk about what may or may not have happened after he was pulled from you, but the doctor stepped in front of the sat down Jungkook who kept his gaze down.  

It was normally rude not to stand when addressed, but Jungkook was exhausted, he couldn’t stand.  

“Young man, are you perhaps sick as well?”  Jungkook nodded.  “Then, how is your throat doing, your chest?” Jungkook opened his mouth, but then he finally noticed he felt normal.  Like he did before the petals began.  He felt along his chest and around his throat before he looked up at the doctor.  

“I.. they don’t hurt anymore.”  The doctor put a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. He was worried. Did the pain leaving mean you died?  The doctor saw the worry in his eyes and put it to rest.  “Y/N is just fine.  At the last moment, the vines encasing her organs and throat all snapped and broke down into dust.  It sent her into a mild state of shock, but she’s recovering well.  It seems like you got through to her just in time, good job.”  Jungkook let tears once again fall from his eyes as the rest of the team broke out into sighs, smiles and their own tears as well.  

“So.. she’s okay?  No surgery, nothing?”

“Nothing.  She’ll be just fine.”  Jungkook slouched back into his seat as Hobi pulled him to lay onto his lap.  He wouldn’t want to go anywhere, but he needed to sleep.  As Jungkook fell asleep that late, late evening, his entire team surrounded him, giving him his last piece of reassurance that you were okay.  That he wasn’t alone.  

A day later, you woke up.  When you did, you were greeted by the 6 familiar faces of Bangtan, who seemed more happy to see you than you to see them.  Tackled into a crushing hug of Jimin and Hobi as they lay on you, the were pried off and receive hugs one after another.  Then, the scolding started.  Jimin chewed you out for not telling him your condition and Jin scolded you for letting it get so bad without any treatment at all.  

They all gave you the rundown on what happened.  You passing out, Jungkook finding you and getting you here, then you realized that there was no weight on your chest.  It was gone, but your feelings for Jungkook, there were still there too.  

“Aren’t the feelings of romance suppose to be removed upon surgery?”  Yoongi chuckled as he pushed on your head.  

“There was no surgery.  You recovered on your own, with Jungkook’s help.”  You opened your mouth, not really believing it at first.  Come to think of it, he wasn’t here at all.  Where was he?  It wasn’t too much longer when Namjoon was rushing everyone out of the room to go for a while.  They’d be back later, but you wondered why he wanted them to leave so suddenly.  

Namjoon had received a text from Jungkook who wanted to visit you alone, so he asked if he could get the guys out.  On their way out, they met with Jungkook who was on his way up.  He looked through the small window of your door, watching as you sat on the bed and read a book Namjoon had left behind.  You had barely started it when the door opening caught you attention and you smiled seeing Jungkook finally.  

“Finally, I was starting to think you forgot about me.”  you chuckled, acting like the same best friend you always were, even before all this chaos.  You noticed something peeking around his back and questioned him on it.  “What you got there Kook?”  He smiled as he walked to your bedside and leaned down to kiss you as you looked up to him before you could ask anything else.  

The sudden action caught you off guard as he pulled his lips from yours and then placed in your lap a large bouquet of flowers.  Yellow roses and bright daffodils fanned out in the plastic wrapping around the stems of each individual flower.  It was beautiful.

“Jungkook?”

“The woman at the flower shop said these signify new beginnings, so I thought it’d be fitting.” He poked at a rose petal.  “And ironic since their flowers.”  You rolled your eyes as you looked at them, admiring them.  If only the ones you remember spilling out of you were this gorgeous. “Hey,” you looked up to him as he was closer to you than before, one of his hands on your mattress to brace himself to hover closer to you.  

“W-what?” He laughed as your face brightened and he kissed your cheek before whispering to you, his breath hitting your ear.

“I love you.”  You pushed him away as you pulled the bouquet to hide your flamed face, relishing in the sound of Jungkook’s laughter.  The laughing stopped as you lowered the flowers from your face and saw him sit beside you, his hand on your thigh as he rubbed it.  “I’m sorry, for everything I put you through.  I didn’t know I was hurting you for so long.” You wanted to hush him, tell him it was okay. “I’ll make it up to you. From today on, you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours and I’ll work extra hard to make sure that you don’t feel anymore pain for being in love.”  You were speechless.  

You reached out and grabbed his hand, tinkering around with his fingers as they slid through yours before he clamped his hand around yours and held it firmly like he should’ve ages ago.  The two of you figured everything out, pouring your hearts out and all was well.  

When you were released for the hospital, Jungkook had picked you up and told you that to celebrate finding his ‘one true love’ and your recovery he wanted to get matching tattoos.  So, on your way to a walk in tattoo shop, the two of you got flowers tattooed on your wrists so when you held each others hands, the vines of the flowers would always be connected.  

From that point on, Jungkook did his best to be everything to you.  He knew that he didn’t need to try so hard, that you were happy just finally being with him, but he had lost time to make up.  He would bring you a new flower every time he saw you.  Just a single flower, but by the time you saw him day after day for a week, you had a new bouquet.  When he would leave for tour he would mail you flowers from overseas or set up a prepaid schedule for a nearby flower shop to deliver them to you weekly.

Jungkook finally had you, his precious someone, and he was going to love you for all your worth and with every fiber of his being for the rest of his life.  He wasn’t going to let you almost slip from his grasp again.  From now on, you were going to be at his side until the end of the world, like it or not.  

Jungkook was just too deeply in love with you to let you go again.