#bts female versions

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𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you welcome your boyfriend back to the country with a surprise party, just as the clock is ticking to say goodbye again. the big day is almost here and enlistment brings couples either one of two things: a ring or a breakup.  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), infidelity, foul language, substance use, underage drinking, mentions of the covid-19 pandemic, sexually suggestive content  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. the series is told in non-chronological order. note that the main character is a member of a fictional idol group. more warnings may be added as the story is written. join the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤm.list | next

you say, "i don't understand, " and i say, "i know you don't" we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

TODAY’S TOP HEADLINE: bts’ rm, jimin, taehyung and jungkook set to enlist in the coming weeks! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤautumn 2023

the confrontation   when it rained, it poured and you felt like you haven't seen even a glimpse of the sun in ages. there was a nagging feeling in your gut that it was too far gone, but like everything else for the past ten years, you swallowed it down and swept it under the rug. bad feelings didn’t exist in your relationship. that was the unspoken rule. yet, it was growing more and more difficult to mask the disappointment in your eyes or the frown fighting your lips. today marked the worst of your attempts.

  seoul was unusually calm tonight and it scared you. when you moved to the city ages ago to begin your journey as an idol trainee, it was nothing but intimidating for your meek, pre-teen self. eventually, over time, your love for the city bloomed and it was truthfully because of jungkook. once young teenagers that arrived to seoul alone, you found solace in each other and embraced the change as one. he made you fall in love with seoul the same way he made you fall in love with him. dates, nightclubs, late night adventures, and years worth of moments within the city limits. 

  however, the streets were as hushed as you were, as you gripped your steering wheel like a robot. 

  the decision had been long made and you knew it was going to come around at some point, so there was no use in fighting it. after going without seeing your boyfriend for months, it should have been nothing but pure excitement.

  “you’re awfully quiet,” murmured jungkook, glancing over at you from the passenger seat.

  you were already annoyed to begin with, when he mentioned that he was going to have a driver pick him up from the airport, instead of asking for you. it felt like he didn’t even expect to have you waiting for him, considering the two of you had been apart due to his time working in the united states. you thought he’d be insisting for you to be the first person he saw once he came back. these frustrations were on top of several other things, which you’d been dreading to confront for even longer of a time.

  and then, there was also the velvet box you spotted in the background of one of your facetime calls. you didn’t bring it up, but it was living in your mind everyday since. with jungkook’s big day fast approaching, there were a lot of conflicting ideas in your head.

  you shrugged. “i’ve been filming long hours. not getting that much sleep.”

  the look jungkook gave you read that he knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes returned to being fixated on his phone.

  after over ten years of knowing each other, you and jungkook could see through each other like glass. the only problem was that nobody ever wanted to speak up. you feared the glaring possibility of other buried conflict dating further back into the relationship because of this dynamic.

  you didn’t think you deserved the blame for the tension in the air. there were several things in your mind, but jungkook wasn’t exactly a person who could easily mask their emotions. something was off with him, too, and you needed to figure out what it was. you could only hope for the best case scenario because otherwise, it was going to be your worst nightmare. there was no situation you could fathom where his behaviour was a result of an in between. 

  keeping your voice casual, you asked, “who are you texting?”

  “my mom.”

  you held back a sigh - jungkook was never particularly keen on involving you with his family. though you’d been together since he was sixteen, you always felt like he kept you an arm’s reach away from that part of your life and you never understood why.

  “oh. tell her i say hi,” you said and he hummed in response. 

  whilst you weren’t in a talkative mood, it wasn’t like jungkook was doing anything to keep the conversation flowing either. you guys obviously texted and called during his time away, but the present atmosphere was awkward, like there was nothing to talk about after his grand return. you hugged and kissed at the airport, asked how his flight was, and that was that. driving him felt like a business endeavour, rather than welcoming your long-term partner back to the country.

  after a few minutes, jungkook finally looked up from his phone. upon peering out the window, he grew confused and turned to you.

  he questioned, “where are we going? the apartment is in the other direction.”

  “just wait,” you assured, forcing a small smile. “take off your hoodie and put on what i have for you in the backseat.”

  there was a shopping bag sitting behind jungkook’s seat and he reluctantly reached over, revealing a silk ysl shirt that you picked up that very afternoon. sighing, he did as you asked and made the change. you didn’t care to look over at your boyfriend’s shirtless body, too irritated at the curtness of the conversation.

  you just wanted to get to the destination, the heavy silence becoming too much for you. there wasn’t even music on. you found yourself focusing too much on it, as you finally pulled up to the infamous hotel azure. somehow tucked away in the busy songpa district, it is unassuming to the civilian eye, but a well-known name amongst the circles of south korea’s entertainment industry. you didn’t ��make it” in entertainment until you attended a party at hotel azure.

  jungkook shifted in his seat. “what is this?” his tone was demanding, which immediately put you off. “the plan was to go home.”

  to be fair, the last time that the two of you were at the azure hotel, jungkook wound up with a bloody nose after getting into it with an not-to-be-named yg idol at one of jackson wang’s wild parties. you weren’t even sure what happened yourself, bleary eyed for the majority of the night with several substances in your body. hotel azure was for idols at the top of the world with everything to lose, a favourite place of yours around 2018. it was now a place that you actively tried to avoid, but made an exception for the special occasion.

  “calm down,” you shot back, not letting him get away with the voice he used. “just wait, i said.”

  “i’m tired, y/n,” jungkook pleaded, as you stopped the car for the valet to take. 

  you ignored him - it wasn’t like it was up to you - and unbuckled your seatbelt, not waiting a second for jungkook. 

  not only did you pick up your boyfriend from the airport, you also spent hours meticulously preparing your appearance for the night. it didn’t seem like jungkook noticed, other than at the airport, when he questioned why you were wearing high heels. 

  you never wore heels unless you were working, but that changed when you met jungkook. he loved it when you wore heels and by the time your respective trainee debts were paid, made it a point. you bought platforms with the anticipation of how your boyfriend would go crazy over them. jungkook gifted you designer jimmy choos and pradas whenever you guys got into a fight. it made you feel your prettiest and he showered you with compliments every time.

  now, he looked at you oddly for it, like you were doing too much.

  jungkook eventually gave up and followed you in without a word, watching you take off your trench coat to reveal a stunning baby pink two-piece dress. the colour glittered under the low lighting of the hotel lobby and the corset accentuated your curves in all the right aways. except, he still did not say a word. this made you frown.

  you handed off your coat to an employee and jungkook did the same. the lobby was empty, but you and jungkook knew exactly where to go, making a beeline for the elevator and pressing the button to move up to the penthouse suite. 

  “why didn’t you warn me about this?” he grumbled under his breath, adjusting his shirt in the mirror.

  because that’s how surprise parties work, you wanted to reply. unfortunately, this was not a surprise party that you wanted to celebrate, so you didn’t even try to keep jungkook excited. you were both quiet, irritable, and only wanted to go home. 

  you said, “this is the part where i cover your eyes and lead you out.”

  jungkook complied and you placed your perfectly manicured hands over his line of vision. other than sharing a hug and kiss earlier, this was the closest you’d physically gotten to your boyfriend in months. your hands were cold and you were close enough that he could hear your breathing - all too uncomfortable. 

  the elevator dinged and you nudged jungkook to step forward. the penthouse’s lights were off, but you could make out the shuffling of feet from behind the kitchen counter. it looked like everything was set up and pristine. then, in just a beat, the entire room lit up and you removed your hands from jungkook’s eyes.

  “SURPRISE!”

  the floor rumbled, voices roaring and bodies popping out from different places - behind pillars, couches and the bar. jungkook’s eyes brightened in a way that you had yet to see since reuniting with him earlier and it made your heart sink. you hadn’t realized how dull his demeanour was around you until something else actually made him smile.

  his closest friends and family gathered in the penthouse and there was a large, golden banner that hung from the walls that said “welcome back jungkook!” the other wall was decorated with another banner, but this one said “good luck rm, v, jimin and jungkook!” 

  jungkook’s older brother was the first one that enveloped him into a bear hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him, then his mom. this was followed by the remainder of his band mates that managed to make the party. you awkwardly stood off to the side, a wide smile plastered on your face to mask your despondence. it seemed like jungkook’s exhaustion only existed when he was sitting in a car with you, as his laughter echoed throughout the room.

  you caught jungkook’s eye and he already knew how you were feeling. while he exchanged words with other friends, it was namjoon who pulled you to the side.

  “hey. you guys did a really great job with the party,” you started, looking around.

  the penthouse of the azure hotel was a thing of beauty, with ceiling high windows that looked over the lights of seoul. everything shone and glimmered - the city skyline, the perfect marble floors, the expensive liquor bottles, and hell, even the perfect teeth of the myriad of a-list south korean celebrities gracing this exclusive party. there wasn’t a wrong way to ever throw a party there, but the group made an extra effort to make jungkook’s homecoming a special one. 

  jungkook was swarmed by several people, all asking about his time in america and how exciting it was. those were the words you used to describe it for him, too, when you sent him off months ago. you watched him take shots with mingyu and eunwoo. 

  namjoon shook his head, “no, no. this wouldn’t be possible without you,” he said and then glanced at jungkook, “and i’m sure he knows it, too.”

  the boys, despite it also serving as a goodbye party before their enlistments, had been helping you plan the surprise for weeks leading up to jungkook’s arrival. it was one of the longest times jungkook had been apart from them and from the country in general, so they wanted to make it extra special. though you were the main mastermind behind the gathering, you initially didn’t want to do it at all. 

  “yeah, i hope so,” you replied, as you poured yourself a glass of white wine. “you guys all deserve it.”

  over the years, jungkook’s band mates slowly became some of your friends, as well. it was somber goodbye for you in all kinds of ways. everyone was preparing to send them off with good luck and high spirits. 

  the boys were also preparing in their own way. you noticed that taehyung and jimin’s girlfriends were missing from the party, which only confirmed your speculations. 

  “it was just bound to happen,” said a voice.

  it was taehyung who joined you and namjoon in a quiet circle at the corner of the living room. all of the boys looked a little bit sad, despite the celebratory atmosphere, but you read a different kind of story in taehyung’s eyes. 

  he smiled with a hint of gloom. “you’re looking around for her, right?”

  as a fellow idol and also a girlfriend to a member of one of the biggest groups in the world, taehyung’s girlfriend grew to become one of your close confidants in the past few years. you guys were polite before, but this connection created a specific bond that couldn’t be understood by anyone else. however, you hadn’t heard from her in a few days and with her absence at taehyung’s goodbye party, you put two and two together. 

  to his side, namjoon clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “sorry, man.”

  “i hope it was cordial,” you mustered up, ignoring the growing heaviness at the pit of your stomach. you could only hope you weren’t next.

  taehyung replied. “she understood, but she wasn’t happy. regardless,” he sighed, “we’re still so young. her career is just blowing up even more, i feel like i’d only be holding her back.” 

  that was the way it went. when enlistment rolled around for most couples, it was either breaking up or a ring. you looked at your feet, not knowing what to say. 

  “jimin also told me that he broke things off with - “

  a loud yelp squeaked from taehyung, who was abruptly jabbed in the side with namjoon’s elbow. the latter cleared his throat and you recognized that look. namjoon only made that face when he pulled the leader card and needed to put someone in their place. you figured that your worries were transparent to those around you.

  namjoon cleared his throat. “not in a chatty mood?”

  while you greeted people during the set-up of the party, you realized that you had yet to actually try socializing. things were awkward with jungkook’s parents, who you long suspected didn’t approve of you for various reasons. in general, most people were interested in chatting with the boys, which you didn’t mind. it was a gathering to send them off, after all.

  “not really. you guys should go mingle with your friends,” you said, taking another sip of your wine. “it’s your party.”

  “i hope i’m not overstepping, but did you and jungkook get in a fight?” taehyung asked.

  you blinked slowly. “no. does it seem like it?”

  “just seems like he’s nervous about something,” he commented and you noticed namjoon glare at him once more, as if to shut up.

  for the first time that night, you felt a glimmer of mixed feelings that left you wondering. why would he be nervous? the big visual forming in your mind was a diamond ring. you and jungkook had contemplated marriage in the past year, but it was also the source of many arguments. you weren’t even sure you wanted to get married now, but your mother had been getting into your ear about you getting older. then, there were your respective companies who lost their shit at the idea. but, what really mattered, was jungkook’s opinion. he seemed to wave it off or change the topic at every opportunity, so your hopes for a ring lived in the back of your mind. 

  despite this, taehyung was right. jungkook looked nervous. he’d been irritated at being dragged to his surprise party - you wondered if it was delusional enough to believe that he had plans for the two of you, instead. 

  for the rest of the night, you continued to keep to yourself. you weren’t lying when you told jungkook you were tired, but you were determined to stay as long as you could and pretend that you and jungkook weren’t stealing mysterious glances at each other for the entire evening. it was obvious and only made you anxious. 

  a few hours later and the party only grew in numbers and in noise. you thought you lost him in the crowd, until you left to refill your nth drink and found him talking to his cousin.

  the two were smiling and laughing, as his cousin appeared to be showing jungkook pictures on his phone. you assumed it was her newborn daughter - she gave birth just two months before her fiance was to be discharged and now that he was back, the wedding was just around the corner. you remembered jungkook telling you that she was proposed to on the day of his enlistment. 

  jungkook caught your eye and he immediately looked away - what the hell was that? he even turned slightly and you couldn’t read his lips. something was going on. you watched him shove his hands in his pockets and you swore you saw the shape of a small square inside.

  eventually, you grew tired of the tension in the air and the music began to make your head pound. the longer you thought about your partner, the greater your anxieties grew. there was a chance you even just although it was late in the year and a fresh sheet of snow adorned the streets of seoul, you decided it was best to step out into the balcony to take some time to breathe. 

  nobody else was there, thankfully, and you let out a shiver when you stepped out. the peppermint air dispelled the haze in your head and in your heart, as taking a deep breath was the greatest relief you felt all night. though your muscles remained tense and you knew you wouldn’t last out in the cold, the balcony was a welcome change.

  you weren’t sure how long you were outside when the door creaked open and just by the footsteps alone, you knew who it was.

  “your guests will miss you,” you said, not even looking behind you.

  at this point, you were hugging yourself to stop shivering. a rustle later and you felt a thick blanket drape over your shoulders, the wool of its make completely enveloping you with much needed warmth. you relaxed your shoulders, but couldn’t look jungkook in the eyes.

  “something’s wrong. tell me.”

  jungkook’s wine stained lips were pulled into a frown and although he hid it well when he was chatting away with his friends and family, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. he sniffled a few times and you knew why, but you decided to bite your tongue. it was his party and he was an adult who could celebrate whatever way he wanted. it was also clear that neither of you had the energy to argue. instead, to his surprise, you raised an arm and gestured for him to come closer.

  he sidestepped towards you and although you were shorter, let you wrap some of the blanket around him. his cold arm snaked around your waist and you tensed up again at his touch.

  you continued to look out into the skyline. “i was going to say the same for you.”

  “i’m really thankful for the party, love,” he ignored your question and pressed a kiss against your temple.

  you mumbled under your breath, “it wasn’t easy." this was the first time all night that you were comfortable enough to physically touch jungkook and you suspected alcohol played a role in relieving the tension between you two, but it was always going to be easy to fall right back into routine.

  and just like that, you felt a stinging sensation in your eyes. tears welled up and blurred your vision, which only made you turn your head away further from your boyfriend. he caught this immediately, his instincts nothing but natural when it came to you, and pulled you right into his chest. 

  the sound that came out of your mouth sounded nothing like you. the sob was desperate and helpless. it was akin to a toddler who couldn’t do anything by themselves. your voice cracked with each body-shaking sob and you didn’t have the guts to conceal it. your head was buried into jungkook’s new shirt, ruining it, but he only stroked your hair and wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you.

  “it’s okay. . .” jungkook cooed and for what seemed like the first time in a while, he sounded like himself. 

  it wasn’t like jungkook had undergone a drastic change from his time in america, but it was a gradual shift that you felt over a longer period of time. you attributed to the fact that you were no longer teenagers and things weren’t going to be the same as it did ten, even five years ago. that was what you told yourself, but you weren’t sure why you still held on to the old jungkook you knew.

  in that moment, he sounded like the fifteen year old boy you met in a convenience store again. he sounded like the jungkook who wrote you disgusting love songs that were horrible, but you adored anyway. he sounded like the man who you talked about children and a big house and an annoying dog with. 

  as you found the bravery to finally pull away from jungkook’s comforting embrace, you looked up and saw that future in his eyes. his features softened, but he looked sad. your heart sank once again.

  “you’re not just crying because i’m enlisting, are you?” he finally spoke, just above a whisper. his tone was certain, barely a question - after ten years together, jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

  you froze. there was nothing else you could do but shut your eyes tight, pretending that this wasn’t really happening.

  after a beat, you found your voice. “listen. . .we both know what happens after a man enlists. look at taehyung and jimin. look at your cousin.” 

  over the years, you and jungkook had gone through hell and back. you thought the worst day of your life was when dispatch leaked the news that you were dating five years ago, but you were able to recover. you thought it was the worst day of your life when your breakup was witnessed by the entire world, but you were able to recover. you even thought the worst day of your life was when word got out that you and jungkook got back together, effectively proving that you were weak and were the type of girl to crawl back to her ex. you recovered then, as well.

  at the second part of your sentence, you felt jungkook physically tense up.

  “is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he replied.

  you don’t know where it came from, but something triggered a spark of anger in you. still, with a tear stained face and a runny nose, you opened your eyes and met his. this was not something you would be able to recover from.

  you said, “it hasn’t just been lately, jungkook. you know exactly what’s on my mind, we’ve been talking - “

  “ - and you know what my answer has been, baby. you know what kind of position i’m in,” he interrupted, breaking apart from your hold and the blanket he brought for you.

  he wasn’t wrong. you did know what kind of position he was in. one of the biggest stars in the world and he had everything to lose, especially with the anxieties looming in the air for him and the rest of his group. every one of them were on their toes as soon as their enlistment dates were finalized, fearing their fade from the spotlight. you and the rest of the world knew that it was bullshit, that the bts was going to be forgotten just because they were going into the military for a few years. 

  marriage would surely ruin that further, right?

  you said, “and you know what position i’m in.”

  the careless joys of your early twenties had come and gone, which left you at the mercy of your mother’s constant talks about marriage. not just her, but other family members and even some of your friends. after all, you and jungkook had been together for ten years and you were pushing thirty sooner or later. 

  you also had your own fears in regard to your career. jungkook once laughed when you expressed your worries about the public no longer finding you young and pretty, but it was a real fear. most girl groups didn’t last more than a few years. many of your contemporaries had long said goodbye to their idol persona and went their separate ways from their band for a new life. you were considered a lucky one to remain with your group and maintain relevance, but for how long? was it time for you to finally settle down? you weren’t granted the same longevity as jungkook’s renowned group and you weren’t bitter about it, but nervous.

  snowflakes began to fall once again and as one fell on your eyelashes, you noticed jungkook’s jaw clench. 

  “we’ve talked about this,” he said and you knew your wandering thoughts about a potential proposal were too good to be true.

  you began, “look, i know that things are different for people like us. . “ but, things were changing. in recent years, you watched several of your peers get married and have children without losing their spot in the limelight. 

  “y/n. . .what made you think i changed my mind?” jungkook sighed, pacing back and forth to calm himself down.

  “i just thought. . .”

  “i’m sorry, but i wasn’t going to propose before my enlistment.” this time, jungkook’s frustrations melted away and there was genuine sadness in his voice. 

  he stepped closer to you and put his hands on your waist. you didn’t know what to say. you really had been pretending that his strange behaviour was because of a hope that seemed impossible now. 

  you took a deep breath. “you never said no. you made it seem like you were considering it.”

  that was what silenced jungkook. it was true, there was never an outright refusal from jungkook. he would say things that implied he would talk to his company again or “with time” it would come. he gave you just enough reassurance, but never confirmation. 

  continuing, you said, “and you even indulged in keeping the fantasy alive with me. you’re sick for talking about honeymoon destinations with me and suggesting songs we could dance to.”

  “hey. i’ve said time ands time again that there is no future where you aren’t by my side,” jungkook tried getting you to look at him, but every time he moved, you turned away. 

  there was no reason for you to make eye contact. you felt like a fool and if you met his eyes, you knew you would just burst into tears again. then, you thought about your conversation earlier with your friends and your vision became wet again.

  “were you planning to break up with me before you enlisted?”

  “what? no,” he responded, but you weren’t convinced. 

  you responded, “it was going to be inevitable, wasn’t it? like jimin and taehyung. you were going to be done with me.”

  this time, jungkook forced you to look at him by the chin and your shoulders dropped. there was a crease in between his eyebrows that you don’t remember seeing even just a year ago. he looked more tired than he did as a rookie with barely survivable living standards. 

  “time really goes by, huh?” you murmured, fighting to keep your voice stable.

  “we were never going to break up, love,” jungkook maintained.

  still, his words didn’t penetrate further than surface level. you were left numb and the chill of winter in seoul had nothing to do with it. you wished that someone would just call jungkook away, but the party inside continued on without him. 

  “you bought a ring. i saw it when we video called.”

  jungkook’s lips parted. you knew it. you knew you weren’t losing your mind. over the last ten years, you made some crazy accusations for all kinds of reasons. this time was different and you saw it on his face.

  even after what seemed like forever, jungkook couldn’t find words to say. the longer he waited to speak, the faster your heart began to race. 

  he rubbed his temples and finally, he spoke. jungkook spoke and you immediately dropped the blanket he brought for you, dashing right back inside. you walked past every single attendee and ignored the few that cried out your name. you didn’t care what it looked like. you just knew you had to get out of there.

  jungkook said there was a ring. he began to open his mouth and explain further, especially when he read the horrified expression on your face, but you wanted no part in it. there was no room for you to think about what that meant. you only saw red.

  you weren’t sure why you wanted a proposal so badly. you knew you didn’t care that much about what your mother wanted and getting married was no solution to the prospects of a dying career. you were second guessing if your wishes for a wedding were even genuine. 

  on the other hand, maybe you intended for the wedding to be a solution to a dying relationship. 

LATEST NEWS: hybe dismisses reports that bts’ jungkook and S.IREN’s nova are engaged, seeking legal action against gossip website that went viral for spreading the false rumour

@butnotmontana @rinkud @kookiescutie @nlr1606 @claireshelby @xtrataerrestrial @whoa-jo @tinyxrose @lavendersugarplum @bangtans-momma @firelcrds @sstrongstyle

[thedragonkween]

King Baldwin IV Headcanons! ♔🤍♕

A/N: So, here we are. I could not resist this mysterious and tormented king's charm. His silky voice makes me dream! These are some headcanons I've collected off the top of my head. The Reader is implied to be female and married to Baldwin IV. Please, do feel free to hit my inbox to ramble about our king because I'm literally dying of pining and yearning.

tags: female!reader x baldwin iv of jerusalem (from kingdom of heaven); reader is married to baldwin iv of jerusalem; fluff; slight angst towards the end

wc: 1150k

reccomended songs to listen to while reading: "Summertime Sadness" by Hildegard von Blingin; "Right Here" by Ashes Remain; "Blood, Sweat, Tears" by BTS (orchestral version)

"Many are the tales of the King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and of his Queen. Despite the varying accounts of their deeds, each one of them agrees on one aspect: the King of Jerusalem loved his Queen dearly, and the world is richer for it".

Baldwin IV is mysterious, intense, valiant, noble and utterly devoted to you, his Queen. But what does this devotion look like?

Firstly, he would believe in you like no other and would always be ready to give you his best advice whenever the weight of your responsibility becomes too much. Foreign rulers would soon learn of your qualities - there would hardly be a piece of correspondence where the King of Jerusalem does not praise the intellect and insight of his dear wife. He would glance at you from time to time, while you both work at your desks sharing the burden of paperwork, silently thanking God for having sent him not only a beautiful, but reliable life companion as well.

He values your opinions greatly and has the utmost regard for your views on political, military and state matters. Disagreements happen, yet your overall values are aligned, which is why Baldwin understands your vision and where your point comes from. During the discussions regarding complex decisions, he would let you speak and explain, then he would offer his honest thoughts on the matter, should he see another, different way from yours. 

Playing chess is a favorite way of spending quality time together in your chambers, away from the chaos of the court. If you know how to play and are proficient at it, he would delight in the thrill of challenge, as he would finally have found a true equal. If you do not know how to play, he would teach you with patience, taking pride whenever you make an unexpected and astute move. He would be such a nerd while he explains the rules to you and would be delighted to see how your mind works when devising a plan.

"Congratulations, dove. You have a checkmate."

I can also see Baldwin taking you on long rides, if his health allows it. He would sweetly check the reins and saddle on your horse before mounting on his steed and leading you away to enjoy the cool early morning breeze, before the heat of Jerusalem becomes too sweltering. You would have a nice and secluded spot to enjoy and to pretend that you are a couple of young lovers without responsibilities and crowns weighing on your heads.

Your presence brings him safety and comfort, which is what would convince him to remove his mask when he is alone with you and the physicians. He would especially love to rest his head on your la as you gently caress his curls while the physicians tend to his skin. It is a sacred moment. He does not know how he went so long without your presence during this delicate time. Speaking softly to each other, you would distract him from the pain with talk of your hometown, fairy tales from your culture, or even simply reflecting on a happening of that day. On these occasions, you learn how to best take care of him, watching the physician tend to his arm while you tend to the other, delicately dabbing the cloth over his wounded skin. Baldwin feels so protected and safe in your presence. He thinks you are God’s greatest gift to him.

Now, jealousy. Baldwin knows he boasts the honor of having an exquisite flower such as yourself to call his own. As do powerful men and courtiers from distant lands. Many covet your loveliness as one would a precious gem. Should one of these foolish people try to take you from him or even stare at you for too long to be considered proper, they would be met with a pure force to be reckoned with. Should a knight’s eye linger on you for too long, he would be quick to put him in place in his signature glacial, elegant way. Before long, everyone learns not to disrespect the Queen consort of Jerusalem.

“Perhaps you would have understood my point, had you not been so insolently ogling my wife”. He takes out his whip. “On your knees. You will pay for insulting the Queen”.

He would protect you with his life. He swore to protect Jerusalem and, as its Queen, that includes first of all you. Should a courtier doubt your devotion and mistake it for thirst for power, or should he learn of an orchestrated attempt on your life, he would waste no time in employing his best forces in your service to defend you.

His enemies and templars alike fear him, yet with you he is as gentle as the morning breeze that gently caresses Jerusalem. This powerful king who makes armies tremble and kingdoms shake is the same person who holds and kisses your hand (when in public, bringing your fingers to the lips of his mask), who silently admires your loveliness from afar and sighs to himself, who longs for your warmth after a tiring day. 

He would write you letters. Lots of them. And not always when he is away. Maybe he just liked the way the sun reflected in your eyes that morning. Or maybe when you helped a servant, he was moved by your kindness. Your every action inspires him, so much so that he has to let out his thoughts on paper. You have a pretty wooden box brimming with delicate papers penned by Baldwin in your honor. He is not only the King of Jerusalem, but also the king of pining, of yearning. Even when he has you near, he yearns for you.

I love to imagine him letting you accompany him to battle. He would love it too, in theory. You make him so strong, the both of you would be quite the sight, meeting your enemies head on, as one, donning your best armors. Yet, at the same time I cannot imagine him resting easy knowing that a loose arrow, a desperate soldier seeking glory for killing the Queen of Jerusalem, or fatigue and sickness could take you from him. It pains his heart to be parted from you, yet he cannot risk your safety. Instead, Baldwin would trust you with ruling the kingdom. He has absolute faith in your intelligence, willpower and cleverness, especially after all he has taught you about running the realm. He longs for you every second he’s away from Jerusalem, yet his heart is at peace knowing his kingdom is in the most capable hands.

When he feels that his time on this Earth is nearing his end, he calls for his most trusted advisors, including Balian and Tiberias. He would ask them, almost begging, to protect you always, at all costs, when he is no longer there to do so. Balian and Tiberias would exchange a quick glance to each other, vowing to respect their King’s wish until the very end.

“Protect her. Please.” “Always, my Lord”.

Poems, songs and stories would be written in honor of your love even centuries after your passing. Many tales would speak of Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and his Queen. Different pieces of art, such as paintings and ballads, would inspire people from all over the world to find a love as devoted and unshakable as yours. Until the very end.

All in all, to love Baldwin means knowing your time together is limited. As is the time of all creatures on Earth. He would beg you to go on after his passing, to live for him. He shall wait for you and protect you from above. Until the very end.

[ryunumber]

kpop boy group bts?

BTS has a Limited Ryu Number of 2.

(bonus below)

Lost Saga's Premium Skins include the likes of K-pop idol groups and characters from other companies like ArcSys and SNK, but for whatever reason, just about all of them save the BTS and GFriend skins have a gender-flipped version, which means these are real images that are, by at least one definition, "official":

...Okay, the last one may not be all too surprising in a world where SNK Heroines: Tag Team Frenzy exists.

I'd like to shout out two of these skins in particular, though. One is the female version of Jin Kisaragi, who just looks like Noel Vermillion:

The other is the male version of May from Guilty Gear, which, I mean,

come on.

[genericpuff]

The erasure of Aphrodite's actual kids in mythology for Rachel's OCs is worse when you notice they're all queer themselves:

Eros - Already a given as to why he'd be a queer figure

Anteros - God of Requited Love. In the more popular versions of his birth he's the son of Poseidon ans Nerites, another man. The god of the most happy form of love is from two queer dads!

Himeros - God of Sex, and specifically is considered a patron to Male/Male romantic and sexual relationships

Pothos - God of Longing and Yearning, and to many can be seen as a queer figure who represents the struggle of queer identities and feelings in a cishetero society

Hedylogos - God of Sweet-talk and Flattery, easily can be made into a bi/pansexual figure to represent queer joy

Hymenaus - God of Marriages and Song who actually crossdresses in mythology to save women in danger.

Hermaphroditus - God of Androgyny, who in the greek version of their birth was always neither male or female, but a mixture of both. They're a symbol of intersex people and being outside the gender binary.

So, Rachel had a whole BTS's worth of queer figures to include in her story, especially in a romance story, and yet removed all of them except one to make a gay best friend. The queer erasure has been there since day one and is worse the longer you look into it!

You're so right though, I feel like it would have made sense to not include them just for the sake of avoiding cast bloat, but instead she just swapped them out for a whole other cast of fake kids, and it's really telling when the OG kids were queer. Now we have... Mania.

(idc what anyone says, i'm genuinely disturbed by this child, it's funny but also it's not, why does the baby have eyEBROWS-)

Pour one out for the real kids of Aphrodite, they all deserve better 😔💔

[stormblessed95]

Hi!

Ok, so I just rewrote everything I wanted to discuss regarding the new video of Jimin working on MUSE, WHO, and SGMB as I felt it’d be easier than sending multiple asks with my questions!

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

And of course whatever Jimin says matters more to me!

Thanks Storm! 💜

While working on WHO

JM: This album has a lot of cheerful songs. But I wanted to try a different approach for just the title track. There will be a lot of fun songs.

JM: It was harder to write the lyrics this time. I had to pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before. I’ll explain it one by one in more detail later.

JB (Jon): *interpreting Jimin’s ideas* I’d like to fall in love. I wanna, I’ll do what it takes to fall in love. I still don’t feel it, so what is my heart waiting for?

JM (Through the Translator): It’s just a bit sentimental, so it doesn’t get too intense like, “Where is she?” It doesn’t get too depressing.

JM: It’s not supposed to be sad or anything.

Translator: He’s not like, not too deep into it. He’s like “this is what I’m feeling right now”.

JM: It’s kind of embarrassing to explain emotions. It feels like someone found my diary.

Translator: Thank you for explaining everything so honestly.

JM: My ears are red. *touches ears*

JM: I’ve poured all my emotions into this, so I was very embarrassed just now. Even though they just wanted to ask about the story I wanted to tell. It’s just, everyone…. *laughs*

JM: Everyone’s just living alone, right? That’s what it is.

Working on SGMB

Producer: If the album is going to be all about expressing the process, we could just go all out conceptual.

Producer: I thought we could do a story with a specific concept, and I thought it’d be great if we chose a name for a band.

Producer: For those who aren’t able to express their love themselves, we’ll express it for them. That’s the kind of band we are. That’s the kind of concept we’ll have.

Loco: I’d never heard of a “smeraldo” before, so I looked it up. It’s a flower, I saw its meaning in the language of flowers. One of the related search terms was BTS. So there was some kind of a connection. So I thought, “Wow, I should come today to hear the explanation”. I found it really interesting, that’s why.

Loco: How do we express the true feelings of someone who couldn’t express it themselves?

Producer: Yeah that’s it.

Loco: This is how we should try to think about it.

JM: I thought of you while making this song….

Loco: It’s so good.

JM: Thank you.

Anon wrote an essay, but I want everyone to know and appreciate how well worded and kind this was. This is a request. An ask. This is a "I have these thoughts, opinions and concerns. I'm really curious about how you also feel about this, could you please let me know. Thanks" and not the rude demands, belligerent asks and the homophobia I got about this same topic from SO MANY OTHERS. So just before anything else, thank you anon, for being a kind human being in interacting with me. I hope you enjoy the random gifs throughout this post 💜

Let's take it bit by bit?

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

When I made my posts about Muse as an album in its entirety, it was technically before this video, but nothing said in that behinds video changed any of my thoughts. MMM gave us enough of an insight already that nothing else really surprised me from what he said, if that makes sense. Other than seeing the original lyrics were gender neutral. While not a surprise per say, that definitely wasn't indicated anywhere before. Idk if you saw my thoughts, opinions and theories over Muse already, but if not, please read that post here:

My thoughts over Who, which I posted just before answering this:

And then the other main posts I have where I talked about Muse, Rebirth and SMGB can be found in the last 9 posts linked here:

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

Personally I believe that the album as a whole is conceptual. Jimin pretty much stated that it was in MMM. Conceptual doesn't mean falsehoods though either. I mention this in further detail in my muse post above as well. So really, please do go read that. I think that this is more about Jimin's inspiration and creative process. And it's about love. ❤️🥰 These things can coexist!

Pdogg even just recently said: "His previous album was designed to be deeply personal, but the new one is more abstract and isn’t strictly about Jimin alone. The whole thing’s also in line with what Millennials and Gen Z experience when they fall in love."

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

Short answer: Nothing.

Longer answer: Still nothing. I know it's not really the answer you or probably anyone else or any of the antis who sent me asks about this topic, wanted. But it's the one I've got for you. As much as I thoroughly love and enjoy finding the Jikook coincidences and connections in everything. Istg I promise I do. I can be just as delulu as the rest of them. But it's really important that we ALL remember to see, recognize and enjoy their artistic integrity and messages without thinking it automatically has to do with each other or their relationship (whatever it may be, and yes this is still valid even if they are for sure dating each other romantically too).

Jimin talking about making an album that expresses the desire for love, feelings of crushes, wanting to be with the one, etc... doesn't actually mean that's the state of his current life. It doesn't even technically mean that's what he wants if he is single. I AM NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ARE TRUE OR EVEN WHAT I THINK. Just options, because we don't actually know anything about Jimin's life other than what he chooses to share. Personally, nothing he said in that behinds video, the MMM video or any other behinds content for Muse has made me rethink my Jikook opinions. But thats just me, and I don't blame anyone for ever changing their mind about anything. I just think years upon years of sharing things with us and behavior doesn't change based off him explaining the emotions and concept he is going for while working with other artists on his album.

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

I too, am under this impression and fully agree with you here. It's always nice when I agree with pieces of anon essays 🥰😄💜

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

Have you been following me for a while because that used to be something I said a lot on this blog. I appreciate you requesting a secondary opinion from someone whose opinions you generally trust (and I'm honored and touched that I am that person, thank you) while still making sure to form your own thoughts and opinions on things as well. Even if they end up different. That's really so important. 💜💜

Now I see where you (general you for the 80 asks I got about this topic) might be like but storm what about *insert all your above quotes here* I'm getting there! Also sorry, I'm not copy and posting all those quotes, this post is long enough as it is, but I super appreciate you taking the time to type them all out for me. I will preemptively add this one from the most recently weverse article though before someone else sends it to me in an ask lol:

"Then it goes into “Be Mine,” which takes the concept one step further, and is about an imaginary relationship. Our plan was to follow that song with the lead single and write it as a serenade, but Jimin was having trouble relating to it. He asked himself if he can ever really love someone, and that question led to the creation of “Who.” The album is about looking for some imaginary woman, but “Who” is about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is, which is why we made it the very last track."

From:

So let's just sort of break this down in general and all the quotes together if you don't mind.

1. Irregardless of a relationship with Jungkook, true or not. Jimin is an idol, he isn't going to be announcing a relationship until he is married. And maybe not even then if he keeps it under wraps until he is retired. And if he ever has to announce a relationship, it's never going to be through a love song and explaining he drew inspiration from a partner. It's always going to be "love, what's that?" "Oh we are all always single for now." "Haha oh armys are my girlfriend." And if he ever gets forced into admitting to and claiming a relationship, its going to come with an apology and an ask for understanding. Which really fucking sucks, but that's a different conversation entirely. And it's the reality that idols live with. Take it up with the industry and the fans.

2. If Jimin is queer, like you and I both suspect that he is, he is closeted. And will remain so probably until he is at least retired and/or maybe after that too. Hinting at, making vague remarks about it, etc, is not and never will be coming out. So all those points from #1 above, double it and count it worse for this one. If he is queer, Jimin will be sticking to that "what is love, I'm perpetually single" line all that much harder as a matter of safety probably. I mean and who knows, I'm not Jimin.

3. Jimin is working off a concept, a storyline and a following a major theme and plot that over arches through all his songs in order. He knows the emotions he wants to convey, he knows the general idea. Talking about that is and can be embarrassing. Like someone reading your diary. Lol

4. Taking it back to point 1 again, if Jimin is in a relationship, with regards to being an idol and am ultra world famous one at that, AND adding in the potential possibility of that being a queer relationship.... In what world do you think that the (hypothetical or otherwise) relationship would be one that went through any kind of normal courtship, confession, romance meet cute story? Lol for all we know, his experience with love and relationships look different than the story he was trying to tell, which was much more storybook idealistic. Or for all we know, he is single and just has hook ups and has never been in love. We don't know for sure, and that's okay. We aren't entitled to Jimin's private life.

5. In specific regards to "we are all living alone right" that one feels like explaining his album concept, not his life. To me at least. As was Loco talking about how to explain the feelings of someone who couldn't express it themselves, that was the literal concept of the song for SMGB.

And to conclude all my points above, in my personal OPINIONS, Jimin isn't going to share his love life in any type of way with his fans. He was preemptively apologizing for touching a female dancer to his fans. He knows his fans won't allow him the luxury of love. He knows he isn't allowed the luxury of queerness either, not from his country nor his fans for the most part either. The homophobia I get in my ask box is proof enough. I personally think everything Jimin and JK have said through the years and their actions throughout the years have shown me that there is probably something more leaning towards romantic attraction there, and I feel like it's very probably that they acted upon that. In a conventional way or not, who knows. Only jikook. But I don't think anything from these conversations has proven anything otherwise. But of course, anyone is free to disagree with that and think differently.

Sorry for the essay in response. Hope this all made sense and was clear. And that you found it helpful in some way anon. Thank you again for how you asked your questions and expressed yourself. It was great.

[vamp1reheart]

•°Shadow of light°• 01

Notices: This book contains violence, explicit sexual content, verbal and non-verbal abuse, war scenarios, Conflicts, depression and suicide, toxic relationships, obsessive themes, and others... This book is a Taehyung x female reader fanfic, However, I do not own BTS and I have no intention of offending anyone with this story!

Note: Initially this book was not supposed to become a fanfic, it is an original book of mine that is still being created. Turning this book into a Taehyung fanfic was a request from a friend of mine, so I hope you like it. I might be able to post the original version of the book, but it will all depend on how people react to this fanfic (the book is a bit different from the fanfic, don't worry ;)

Preview:"She was known as the sun, always with her bright smile and her admirable kindness."

"He was known as the moon, cold, dark and in his coat were the most precious stones."

"But the moon does not shine without the light of the Sun, and that is something he did not count on."

Footsteps echo through the large, dark, cold castle. Sara knew exactly who they belonged to, unlike the other footsteps, these were smaller and lively. Not like ogres, as Sara used to call them.

His suspicions are confirmed when two little girls enter the large room he was in.

"Your Sara, can you tell us the story again?"

They didn't need to specify the story, they only knew one, and honestly Sara already thought that was a lot.

The court would kill her if they found out she was teaching fairy tales to children.

Sara accepts, she closes the big, heavy door to the dark room and asks the girls to sit down.

Then seeing their anxious faces, Sara begins...

"This is the history never told, the history that should never be told...that's why we'll keep it a secret!"

Sara says in a low tone, and the children in front of her silently nod and settle in to listen to her History.

"She was known as the sun, always with her bright smile and her admirable kindness."

"But he was known as the moon, cold, dark and his clothes had the most precious stones."

Sara looks into the innocent eyes of the two children in front of her. She would never tell the real story, She couldn't end the dream of true love.

But she and everyone who knows the true story knows the dangers it carries.

The white snow sank beneath his hurried footsteps.

His lungs burned painfully as he tried to turn the cold air into warm air.

She was running...

But whose?

From the one who swore he was the only one worth it.

Through the great trees she hears his dangerous voice.

"Why are you running?! You know it's true!..."

The voice was loud within the silent forest, she didn't know where it came from, she didn't know if he was close, but she had to keep going.

"My love, please! Don't break my heart with your selfishness!"

"(Y/N)!"

I look up from the book I'm reading to look at my aunt.

She comes towards me in a hurry.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to read! Especially here."

She speaks practically in a whisper, but from her tone, I know she's angry.

She is referring to the tree I usually stay under, I like to read under it, it calms me down. But unfortunately the tree is quite close to the red wall.

When the reign of the first King Kim began, he separated the people, leaving the richest on one side of the wall and the poorest on the other. They say he was a greedy man, who said that even knowledge should be only for the rich.

He raised his children with this mindset, which caused our kingdom to be filled with misery.

That is of course until the lower class revolts.

I don't know what happened anymore, Aunt Miranda never wanted to tell me what was going on on the other side of the wall. She He just says that I should never go near him.

"Sorry auntie, but I needed a moment of silence."

I tell her as I mark the page in my book and let Aunt Miranda guide me back to the small house in the distance.

We live in a house far from the village.

But because it's close to the wall, it's cheaper. After all, no one wanted to be close to the red wall.

We don't have much money, and I know Aunt Miranda feels bad about that. Sometimes I catch her crying at night asking God to give her a better opportunity.

But I'm grateful to her, even though I'm close to the terrible wall, she always does her best to keep me happy and safe.

"Eat your soup and go to sleep."

She says closing the various padlocks on the wooden door.

She was afraid of something, but she never says what, and she always gets irritated when I ask too much.

"Yes aunt"

"And don't go out at night to go for a walk!"

She says again, every night, the same thing.

When night came, Aunt Miranda became another woman, she seemed more scared...or something like that.

I always thought it might have something to do with my parents.

She never spoke of them, and I only have vague memories of them.

I know it was my mother who taught me to read. And I know that if they found out she would be killed.

But if she was killed for reading, why wasn't I?

Questions and more questions are always swirling around my head, and I'm starting to get tired, I need to find out.

Restless, I turn over in my bed, through the window I can see the moon shining.

Just below, you could see the great wall in the distance.

Even though I wanted to find out the truth, I knew I would never be able to get past.

The next day, when the sunlight illuminates the room, I get up.

I know that Aunt Miranda gets married a lot, and tends to wake up later, so I like to help her with household chores.

Right away I grab the big basket of dirty clothes and leave the house to wash them.

I always wash my clothes in a stream in the forest.

I don't care about the distance, I like to admire the forest with its incredibly tall trees and exotic animals.

Leaving the basket on the edge of the lake, I jump from stone to stone to avoid getting wet, and put my hands in the water.

Calm but agitated, transparent but bluish.

Nature is full of differences and similarities. Just like human beings.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when a loud noise echoes behind the trees.

Could it be a bear?

There shouldn't be any bears in this region.

The noise gets louder, sounding like it's getting closer.

My chest feels like it is being pulled down, at an abnormal pressure.

It must be fear, it can only be fear.

I've never felt anything like this.

I jump over the rocks again, pick up the laundry basket, and run towards my house.

Whatever it was, I wouldn't want to know.

Night has come again.

But unlike other nights, I don't think about answers, I don't think about the wall.

I just think...

What was that?

The noise was too loud to be a bear.

And that pressure, I've never felt anything like it.

Shit

I need to know what it is.

Getting out of bed, I put on a cape to have some protection on my body.

I open the window and without thinking twice I jump.

Landing on my feet in the grass, I look out at the forest I love to stay in.

She was dark, So dark...

But I can't think too much.

I quickly head towards the forest, looking up, I can see the stars shining over the black trees.

And again, without even realizing it, I arrive at the lake.

It was shining with the light of the moon and stars.

It was really beautiful.

And quiet.

It doesn't seem like the loud noise was made here.

But, I feel watched.

Looking around, I see nothing. But I decide to take the risk.

"Is anyone there?!"

I scream in the middle of the dark forest.

"show up!"

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm just doing it.

"You shouldn't scream like that, you'll attract predators..."

A deep, calm voice says this in my ear.

Close, very close.

Turning around quickly a tall man is looking straight at me.

How did he get so close!?

He was tall, with hair as dark as night and his eyes, black, without even a sparkle in them. His clothes were different, they were equally dark, but the jewels and gold on them gave him away. He was rich, definitely.

But how did he get over the wall?

A mocking smile is placed on his lips.

"What's wrong? Scared, honey?"

He was scary, but he had a stunning beauty, I didn't know who he was, or how he got here.

But I wanted to know... I really wanted to.

"the cat got your tongue?"

He pauses and looks me up and down.

"I understand, poor thing, are you scared, dear? Afraid of me? Why? Do you know who I am?"

He approaches my frozen body, I didn't know if it was fear, nervousness or shock. But he doesn't care.

His hand runs towards my hair, tucking it behind my ear. He brings his face close to mine, and whispers in my ear.

"It's time for you to wake up, darling..."

When he says this, darkness takes over my vision and I don't feel anything anymore...

Continued...

(Not reviewed! Sorry for any mistakes!)

[astroyongie]

Astroyongie Podcast S01 EP04

Note: please take it lightly. Censored version. This podcast was done on the 4th May. Notes taken my: @kattyaskat

-> Can you talk about the kissing types based on astrology? Like which planets indicate how you kiss and how is each sign?

I take Mercury and Venus into account. Mercury the way it is built, the way it is done. Skills is based on Mercury. And Venus is how it’s developed, how it is felt during a romantic relationship.

-> Should Mars be involved too? For kissing

I only focus on Mercury and Venus. Mars I mostly used when the physical contact gets more developed. though some astrologers can focus on Mars.

-> Tea questions: Ateez

1) (Censored) . He also a bit on edge cause of the internal conflict within the company. Maybe he wants to do something and the company is not giving it so he gets a bit discouraged and grumpy. How company is handling them without much rest.

4) I cannot speak of it.

5) (Censored)- developed an interested to the occult

7) (Censored). He is attracted to things that are bad for him overall and he knows about it and tries to avoid it. He always leans on things he should not and I cannot say more than that. These topics could become problematic if developed

8) (Censored). So huge conflict happened between X and either a member or someone who works in the company. I don’t know if it’s staff or member.

-> BTS

6)(Censored). Good news for his ex but not him. I don’t know why they came back or if they are gonna work it out or not. I don’t know if it’s really a good thing considering what happened between them in the past. This is perhaps jut a ex reunion and won't last long

-> Who is this ex?

I don’t know. Most of the people BTS went out will were non idols, rich background and Chaebols.

-> BND

1) (Censored). I don’t know the female idol.

2)(Censored).

5)He is from maknae line. He had trouble in fitting with the group. And finding his own space. He feels like other members maybe don’t like him. Maybe he is introverted that he finds it hard to connect with his members.

-> EXO

4)They are one of top 3 most loved member in this group. He is a genuine person but when it comes to his idol image he puts a lot of work into it cause he knows people will not love his true personality. His real personality is somone who had a lot of boundaries, restrictions and he doesn’t take shit from no one. But the image the company put on him is silly one. That’s why he hides a lot of his true emotions and uses his façade. In reality he is someone very mature, strict with himself and others.

-> Enhypen

1)(Censored). That boy is smart when it comes to business. He know to handle company, how to get tea and receipts about people and knows how to use it.

2) (Censored).

3) (Censored).

4) (Censored). He might have done something with other people- people in the industry or other idols they might have receipts/screenshots/pictures on things he might have done/days that could potentially ruin his career. But at the moment they are not using those on him and he thinks he is protected but he is not. They could use it any moment.

5) (Censored).

-> Itzy

5) (Censored) she didn't ended the contract with her company.. Only with her sponsor who she dated before.

-> Seventeen

3 )(Censored).

5 ) a member of the dancing team that has been seducing this person that is married, when he himself is already in another relationship. This could get complicated if he keeps with this

7)(Censored).

12) (Censored). Something in his energy that’s like someone is messing with him. Through spirituality or emotionally or directly not much idea, since I couldn't properly look Into it. This person is just trying to upset (Censored) or someone is just being very mean to him.

-> StrayKids:

1)You might already know this member. Lately the music this member has been producing has been has nothing to do with their love for music/composition. More so now doing for money. The reason why the music shifted is it’s not to share a feeling or share something you’ve been working on anymore. It has lost the inner soul touch. He has also been spending a lot of money on things unreasonable. Spending money without thinking.

2)(Censored). Everytime I have been reading for him from last year, his mental health has been downgrading. I fear for him

3)(Censored).

5)(Censored). Though that was not from anything he did. Someone did it to him. I don’t know why they did that to him or it’s just a manifestation. Maybe someone around him really liked him and they went to see shaman and tried things and it’s affecting his energy.

6) (Censored)

-> TXT

2) (Censored).

3) (Censored).

-> RIIZE:

2) That member was in NCT before they debuted on riize.

4)(Censored)

-> NCT Dream

4)(Censored) -this tea might be biased, cause it’s fragmented energy that I get from him right now cause of his burn out and also the hiatus.

5)Can’t speak of it.

-> LSS

1)She has trust issues. Not as a person or a woman but when it comes to being an idol. Sacrificed a lot emotionally, physically, financially the most out of all the members. She is ready to do anything and everything to stay on top.

3)Cannot name but she might pretend she is very nice n kind but Behind the scenes if you ask for a favour she will look you up andn down and move on. Not Yunjin.

-> Gidle

3)(Censored). Regarding Lifestyle could be seen as reckless and might become problem later. she is someone who suffered a lot of trauma and she is trying to use anything to espace that reality

5) (Censored).

-> MonstaX

5) (Censored)

-> Do you have any idols that you do not like cause of readings and stuff and if so who?

Take this lightly. It’s not absolute truth because It’s only my perception and I energetically don’t vibe with them and energetically speaking I don’t feel very comfortable reading them. Yujin, Aaron, Suga, Jeonghan. I have hard time connecting with them. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people to their core. It’s just my perception, not being able to read them or feeling nauseous when reading for them. There might be some bad reading experiences with them as well, or things I saw that I wish I didn't. those could have influenced/biased my opinion. Also it's through tarot so I don’t want people to hate on them without having concrete proof.

-> Is Hongjoong love life ok? Because you said something like he was kinda attracted to (Censored), so I was wondering if their current relationship is build in convenience?

Hongjoong and (Censored) are not dating each other, not seeing each other officially. None of them are committing to each other due to work/schedules but are still seeing each other In a non official relation way.

-> About skz n*5, I used to get this Empress card whenever I did a reading for them regarding love situation.

Interesting , Maybe they are the one that’s poisoning their energy. The things many readers get are only fragmented and not the whole picture. Some people will have some parts and others will have some others parts and it seems like yours connects with my reading well. So that’s why I say take the readings in Tumblr with a grain of salt!

-> Do you think Suga and Kihyun still keep in touch as friends?

Not at the moment. And I don’t think they’ve been talking to each other in quite sometime.

-> Wasn’t Hongjoong in a relationship last reading you made? It was (Censored) that your were talking about in that?

It could be her but it also could not be her. There is one other person than (Censored), Hongjoong is talking to. She might be a side interest. It was confusing I couldn’t figure that out.

-> Is Seonghwa jealous with Hongjoong & (Censored) and he don’t like (Censored)?

He is funny in a way that he hates or dislikes all the people his members have dated or are close to. I don’t know if he is just a possessive person like that or if it's because he has underlying reasons.

-> Any updates about Bk identity?

no updates. It’s highly possible they and Hyunjin are not together anymore.

-> Wooyoung love update?

He still has eyes on his person he loves but I cannot confirm if they are together.

-> Recently Bibi made a collab with Ateez. They danced in some of her MV. So maybe something happened between Bibi and Wooyoung?

Nothing happened between them when it comes to physical things.

-> Can I ask about Mingi love life recently?

Mingi is in a complicated situation. There is a lot of jealousy and moodiness around his relationship. He’s unable to trust the person he loves cause he’s thinking they are probably cheating on him. He’s struggling with trust and immaturity.

-> What do you think about ex member(woojin) energy?

I don’t like it. I’ve only read for him once and I don’t think I’ll reading for him again nor plan to.

-> Sometimes I heard some voice in language I don’t understand when I did meditation. And sometimes I smell scents like rotten meat and smoke, but when I ask my friend they don’t smell anything?

Oh this is not good at all. Hearing voices in unknown language n smelling foul things, I would advise you to stop meditating and do a house/your space cleanse. Because that is not normal. You could be traveling to the lower astral instead of the higher astral and that can be dangerous if you have no idea what you are doing/ or if you aren't energetically protected/have made no protection ritual before engaging. Cleanse you house, your space, your room and do a protection circle before meditation.

-> Am I jinxing myself with constant doubting/overthinking about the opportunities I have?

I don’t even need to do a reading because when you convince yourself that what you have done is not good, overthinking ,doubting a lot, it will literally manifest. If you are putting bad energy out there and into yourself, there's no way good things come out. You are self sabotaging. So try your best to think positively and when you feel the bad thoughts come out, try to rationalize it. Try not to put the negative thoughts out there and do not vocalize them.

-> How is Garam doing? do u see her stepping back in the spotlight becoming successful in acting?

I don’t know how she is doing, I haven’t done any readings on her since she left.

-> What do you think about Garam’s energy, yongie?

I don’t mind it but it’s not that good either. Also I’ve done only one reading on her, so not much opinion.

-> Yongie I always sponge people's energy. What can I do?

When it comes to sponging you could try to protect your energy through crystals- eye of falcon, eye of tiger, black tourmaline, obsidian, clear quartz. Another tip is when you get to know that these emotions are not yours, try to process them and let them go.

-> Can energies change over time?

Yes. They are always shifting.

-> Will there be an IZ*ONE reunion?

No, not for now.

-> Is kep1er gonna disband?

It seems like some sponsors of some girls are actually pushing for disbanding and for them to be soloists. I think 3 members are going to debut in a new group after.

[rwrbmovie]

BTS of #RWRBMovie: Uma Thurman as Ellen Claremont + her accent (under the cut)

>> BTS: Taylor on working with Uma

via Variety:

In McQuiston’s novel, Claremont reads as an alternate reality version of Hillary Clinton, but López strove to differentiate the character from current female politicians. “So many women in politics are asked, it seems, to sacrifice whatever their idea of femininity is in favor of an exchange for power,” he says. “It was so important to me that this was a woman who could hold both things — that she could be a powerful woman who also presented her own femininity in the world without apologies.”

From Gay Times:

For López, it was important to cast an actor who “you would actually vote for president”. “We did a list of all the people that we thought would work in this role and Uma was always at the top of it,” he reveals. “We sent her the script and she wanted to meet with me, which was great for me! I figured, even if she doesn’t do the movie I get to have a Zoom with Uma Thurman.”  Thurman was heavily involved in the creative process from the beginning, arriving at her and Lopez’s first meeting with “so many thoughts about the character”. “She had actually studied the script. We both realised that we were interested in the same thing,” continues Lopez, which was telling the story of a woman who is the president and a mother, “who is powerful but retains her sense of femininity”. The director highlights the harmful trope “in American culture” of women in power being “asked to deny their femininity”. “Both Uma and I were interested in creating a woman on-screen who did not feel like she had to make that sacrifice,” he says. “Once we realised that we wanted the same thing, it became very easy for her to say yes, which I’m grateful for.” 

ML via Collider:

From the day I first encountered her, as a moviegoer, I’ve just loved her. It was a real blessing to have her there with us. She came to this film with the exact same set of desires for the character that I had. We had a lot of conversations about how, in American politics, women in power often have to sacrifice their understanding of their own femininity, in order to attain and hold onto power. What was most important to her and I was that Ellen can both be powerful and maintain her definition of femininity for herself. I included Uma in conversations about costume design, production design, and of the oval office set. When she walked onto the set, I have never encountered a more prepared actor. She understood, implicitly. She already understood why every piece of furniture was chosen for her. She understood why every article of clothing was there. It was a master class in prepared acting. She really rose, and she brought everybody’s game up.

ML via OutSFL:

I adore her [Uma Thurman]. She was so very happy to be in this movie, which was so wonderful. She really understood Ellen. She and I had so many wonderful conversations about her before production. I involved her in a lot of costume design decisions. She was really wanting to understand this woman holistically.

>> UMA'S ACCENT

via Variety:

“Red, White & Royal Blue” was already a few weeks into production in the U.K. when Thurman reached out to Lopéz so the director could hear her perform as Alex’s mother, President Ellen Claremont, for the first time. McQuiston envisioned Claremont as a fiery Democrat from Texas, so Thurman worked with dialect coach Tim Monich on a buttery Texas drawl that has become one of the standout features of the film. “And I was like, ‘Uma, it sounds great,’” López says of their first Zoom conference. “And she says, ‘Are you sure?’ And I’m like, ‘I think so.’ But I was also very distracted. Then she gets on set and I finally listen to her. I’m like, Okay, we’re good, we’re good. We’re very, very good.”

ML via Windy City Times:

Uma came in so prepared and so eager to be there. She was happy to be a part of it and we just had the best time with her. It was a very happy set and that is thanks to Uma in many ways, too. 

[yutahoes]

Caramel

(Part Fifteen. Last Chapter)

gif credits to @noyuta

characters: ex-stripper! company vice-president! dad! Yuta x female! ex-wealthy! secretary! mom! Y/N genre: chaptered, smut, angst, fluff, a little humor word count: 8k words (sorry) summary: Y/N has everything in her bitter life, not until she meets a sweet-looking stripper.

warnings: matured theme, ex-stripper au!, third person POV, a lot of cursing, an attempt at humor, a lot of crying, sexual talk, romantic stuff, mentions of killing and dying

taglist: @cherrymotodude @tenjyucat @justsomekpopstuff @ilhoonseyeballs @whyme11 @a-bts-world @amazinggraxia @princessrarah

a/n: Thank you for your suggestions. And because of how warm you received Caramel, I wanted to post this quickly. I remember starting this fic without any plot in mind but here we are, in the last chapter of this story. Thank you so much for encouraging me to write this story and just being here. I know it doesn't mean much but I realized a lot in life while writing this piece and I'm very thankful to the readers who waited patiently for this fic. And just like the main character, I hope you find the Caramel in your dark coffee.

“Mommy, I just want to live here,” Kenshin exclaimed while bouncing on the Pororo bed making Yuta chuckle. “This room is so cool and it’s all mine.”

The girl had to glare at Yuta before asking the young boy to get down the bed. “You’ll break the bed, Ken.” She reasoned out.

“I can buy him another.” Yuta blurted out earning another glare from Y/N. “But Kenshin, mommy is right you’ll hurt yourself if you keep jumping on your bed.” The kid stopped, staring at both his parents who were standing by the doorway. “You can jump on the bouncy house in the next room.” 

“A bouncy house?” Ken exclaimed, eyes wide and sparkling. Yuta nodded, gesturing to him to follow him. The younger exclaimed in awe as his father opened the room adjacent to his, with a huge bouncy house in the middle and different arcade games on the side. 

Y/N opened her jaw at how extravagant all this was. Yes, Yuta has a huge house. But she didn’t expect a gaming room in one of the rooms. The younger ran to the bouncy house, squealing in excitement. “Yuta,” Y/N called, “I told you not to go overboard.” 

“I didn’t.” He even raised his hands to revolt but she just glared. “I’m sorry, I can’t resist. Kenshin looks so happy in the bouncy house and the arcade games.” He reasoned out then stepped closer to her, “I’m really sorry, I just want to see my son happy.” 

Y/N hated that Yuta always knew exactly what to say. She gets it. He’s just a father yearning for a son. It was her fault, she did deprive him of a chance to be a parent. But this is just too much. “It’s unfair that I can make my younger siblings happy but not my own son. I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ll tone it down I promise.” 

“Can we get pizza for dinner?” Kenshin shouted from inside the room. 

“No.” “Yes.” Both adults exclaimed at the same time, Yuta earning another glare from Y/N. “Last time, I promise.” He pleaded while taking his phone from his pocket. The girl only sighed. There’s really nothing she could do, right? 

Y/N was always curious about why her son loves pizza. She wasn’t that fond of the said food, it’s too much oil. But watching as the two males in front of her devoured the slice of pizza, she came to the conclusion that Kenshin was indeed Yuta’s younger version. How could two people look and act the same? And how did that young kid come from her? Maybe she had to feel the pain of childbirth since that was the only contribution she had over Kenshin. Everything about him just screams Yuta. 

“Why?” Kenshin whined, hiding his head with the pizza slice. “Mommy, you’re creeping me out.” 

The girl had to laugh at that, apologizing. “You just look exactly like your dad. It’s weird.” The younger kid had to grin, making the older annoyed. “Sometimes I wonder if I am really your mom.” 

Yuta chuckled at that but the lower lips of the child started quivering. He put down his pizza slice, got down from his chair then climbed on his mother’s lap. “Of course you are.” He wrapped his arms around her neck. “You’re my only mommy.” 

Does he also get this trait from Yuta? Y/N wonders. Even at a young age, she was well aware that Kenshin was so clingy with the people around him. He kept on kissing her cheek as she whined that he was rubbing the pizza oil on her, making the child giggle. “Finish your pizza so we could go.” 

“Wait, you’re not staying for the night?” Yuta asked. “It’s Sunday tomorrow, you can stay here for the night.” Kenshin even complained that he didn’t want to leave and that he wanted to sleep on his new Pororo bed. 

The girl pursed her lips before staring at her son. He’ll probably have a fit if they do come home right now. That bed is amazing, she had to admit. He really knew how to entice his son to live with him. “Will it be alright if Kenshin stays tonight?” The child nodded but Yuta had a curious look on his face. “I’m supposed to meet Jaehyun early in the morning.” 

Yuta put down his pizza slice as he watched Y/N talking to Ken about behaving while he stayed here with his dad. Why does she have to meet Jaehyun early in the morning? They already established that they were not together, so why? Is it that important for her? Why is he so pissed off? “You could just ask Jaehyun to come here in the morning. I’ll prepare breakfast.” He claimed before he could even think of it. Wait, is that too weird to say? He doesn't sound too jealous right? “It’s late and your apartment is too far.” He reasoned out. “You could stay in my room.” 

It was dangerous, Y/N knew. She shouldn’t have agreed but how can she not when even her son is pressuring her to stay the night? Kenshin settled in his own room which surprised Y/N. When they first moved back from Canada, he was a crying mess. Maybe the Pororo bed did its magic. Yuta pointed at the door beside Kenshin’s claiming that it was his room and that she could settle in. The girl was surprised at how huge the room was, another door which he pointed to as the bathroom was by the corner of the room. The large bed and rows of cabinets and drawers made up half the room. “There’s an extra towel and toothbrush in the cabinet above the sink and then you can get some clothes in the drawer,” Yuta claimed making her nod. 

The guy took two pillows from the bunch of pillows by the headboard of the bed. “Where will you be sleeping?” 

“Outside,” he shrugged. “The bouncy house if it gets cold.”   

Y/N chuckled at that, imagining his huge body sleeping in the small bouncy house. "Well, I feel bad taking your room.” Yuta shook his head but stopped at what she said next, “It’s a huge bed, we can share.” The guy sighed hard, staring at her as if she was a lunatic. “It’s not like I’ve never shared a bed with a guy before.” 

Yuta was fucking annoyed that he kept punching the bathroom tiles as he took a shower. The fact that those words came out of her lips meant it must be true. Has she fooled around all these years? Is that why she’s meeting Jaehyun? Maybe they have more than a friend relationship. Has she shared a bed with Jaehyun? Maybe that kid who lives with them. Mark Lee? Maybe that was why she wanted to go home. But Haechan claimed that it was Mark’s parents who adopted her when she lived in Canada and their relationship is highly platonic. His head was just aching at all the possibilities there were.   

He was busy placing a pillow fort in between the bed, the sound of the shower running in the bathroom making him more nervous. Is the space enough for Y/N? Should he move the pillows to take some of his space? Can he even fall asleep knowing that the girl he had been yearning for so long is so close, on his bed even? Yuta shook his head. He should be cool about this. 

The emails were answered and he was just scrolling on his phone, seated by the foot of the bed, when she came out of the bathroom while ruffling her damp hair. His jaw fell open at how pretty she was. This is unbelievable. Yuta might be crazy. She was just wearing one of his sweatpants and a plain gray shirt, for crying out loud, yet he felt his whole system broke down. 

He’s sharing a bed with this gorgeous woman? He should go to church tomorrow because God damn, he might just sin so bad. 

“You can take that side of the bed,” Yuta pointed at the wider space that startled her. “I wouldn’t trespass, I promise.”

The girl giggled, sitting on the bed. “I hope you don’t mind I used your body wash,” she started which made him shake his head. That’s why she smelled familiar the moment she went nearer.  His mind was going haywire. He can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that she smelt just like him. Now, he wanted to bury himself in her scent. “I’ve always wondered what your perfume was. It turns out your body wash is Vanilla Caramel.” She claimed then sniffed her wrist. “It smells so sweet.”     

“Johnny gifted me a bottle once and I have been using it since then.” 

Y/N nodded. “That’s why I cannot find your perfume.” She said it more to herself than out loud. “It smells good, different from other guys with musky scents.” She claimed with a shrug. 

Yuta put down his phone. Other guys? She really has hung out with other guys. “Y/N,” he called facing her. “Are you dating someone?” She looked confused before shaking her head. “You mentioned that it wasn’t the first time you shared a bed with a guy.”   

“Now that you said it out loud, the statement does seem weird.” She said, cocking her head to the side. “I meant, I share the bed with Kenshin so it’s not new to share a bed with a guy.” Yuta gasped then nodded. So that was what she meant, why is he over his head and overthinking it? “Besides, it’s not like we never shared a bed before right Yuta?” She claimed with a giggle. “We even made Kenshin.” 

Seriously, she’s just going to say that? Y/N was lucky he was in his right state of mind or they might even made another Kenshin. Yuta shook his head, he’s not the same testosterone-filled adult as his dad. Thinking of her sexually is so wrong, he really should go to church. “Is Jaehyun coming for breakfast tomorrow? Does he have any request?” 

“He’s not going here tomorrow.” Yuta looked surprised. But she’s adamant about meeting him tomorrow so he thought it was important. “He had to meet a client in the morning but he promised that he’ll just buy the gift for Junyoung.” The guy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and she stopped, obviously surprised that she had said so much. “It’s Junyoung’s birthday tomorrow.” 

“Is he having a party tomorrow? Or are you just having dinner together?” He then smiled, “Junyoung might be tall now.” 

Y/N hummed in answer. “He probably is,” The answer confused Yuta. “I haven’t seen him since I went to Canada. The last time I saw Junyoung was at the wedding.” In a soft voice, she continued. “I haven’t seen anyone else except Jaehyun.”  

Yuta wanted to learn more. Why? How? Does that mean she hasn’t seen Doyoung or Jungwoo as well? Is this because of her mom again? He knew what happened to the family, it was global news at some point. There was a time when he wanted to check on her. This was the company she worked hard for and now it’s crumbling in the ground but he assured himself that she probably doesn’t need him. He thought she was married and with Jaehyun’s swift take-over of the company, he was given the reassurance that she had all the support system she needed. He even saw Doyoung performing in New York once and Jungwoo in magazines. 

He thought they were fine. That they were happy. Because Y/N is happiest when she is with her brothers.   

A happiness that he wanted to return to her. 

—-

Y/N believed that sleeping in the same bed as Yuta wouldn’t make her fall asleep. How could she? When his scent was twice as intense in stimulating her senses. An addicting sweetness along with an addicting warmth. In surprise, she opened her eyes and Yuta was just centimeters in front of her. What happened to the pillow fort? Was she moving actively while sleeping? Why is she wrapped in Yuta’s arms this morning? 

She should get away, that is the right thing to do. But she cannot. Not when his body was warm, not when his arms were wrapped around her tight, not when he smelled so good. Maybe she should just let this moment stay, pretend that she’s still sleeping. She squirmed a little bit to move closer to him. 

It seemed like a long time that they were in the same position when the door opened and Kenshin started climbing on Yuta’s torso. He had to turn his body around to give space for the younger kid and was annoyed at the sudden loss of body heat from Y/N. “Good morning,” he greeted, making Kenshin smile. “You woke up early.” 

“I miss mommy,” he whispered as Yuta placed him in between their bodies. Ken had to hug his still-sleeping mom, nuzzling his cheek on her breasts. The girl had to hum, hugging the younger guy. Yuta doesn’t know he’ll get jealous this early morning. And with his son? He might be crazy. “What are we getting for breakfast?” 

Since Jaehyun isn’t coming for breakfast, Yuta just suggested eating outside. Y/N tried to revolt at first but seeing the cafe where they went, she was glad Yuta pushed for them to go out. The cafe had changed a lot, she remembered that this was where Yuta and Y/N first had breakfast together - the cafe where he sold caramel. 

The girl was surprised that they both had the same coffee order, black coffee with caramel. When Ken asked, Yuta reasoned that it was addicting before glancing at the girl in front of him who seemed to understand what he meant.  

The whole Sunday was a blast for the young kid who got everything he wanted in the mall. Of course, Y/N was once again reminding Yuta not to spoil his son but he kept revolting that it was just for today, which she knew would be impossible. The older guy drove Y/N and Kenshin to their apartment where Mark was waiting with a wide smile on his face. “I thought you were going to live with your dad.” he teased the young child.

Y/N glared. It’s obviously not the kid who he was teasing. 

She thought the whole dynamic in the office would change. Even if they have a child together, which the whole office knows now, she is still his second secretary. A position that she was badly reminded of when he asked Haechan to join him for a lunch meeting. She was left in the office working on another proposal for a new company, a marketing event to invite more investors. When both Haechan and Yuta came back, the older walked briskly to his office while the younger placed a paper bag on her desk. “Mark said this is your favorite food.” 

Mark? Y/N opened the paper bag and the smell of lobsters filled her senses. But this is expensive. “I think Yuta hyung feels bad that he left you here all alone so he called Mark to ask about your favorite food.” The girl lightly glanced at Yuta’s office. He’s so unpredictable. 

Before they could leave the office, the vice president had to call the girl inside the office. He inquired her about a dinner meeting and that he’d just pay for her overtime work. Y/N was just startled that it was her who he was bringing along and not the first secretary. “It’s at Tulip Row.” She knew that restaurant. It sells amazing ice cream that it was one of Junyoung’s favorites. “I’ll pick you and Ken up at eight pm.” 

With Ken? Now she’s just confused. A dinner meeting with Kenshin? Isn’t that trouble? This is still work, not a family dinner. Yet before the clock struck eight, Yuta came knocking on their door. It’s also confusing how Yuta looked so casual in his red polo shirt and jeans. If this is a dinner meeting, shouldn’t he be wearing something more business-like? She seemed more formal than him in her pantsuit. 

The restaurant was almost empty which is confusing for Tulip Row, reservations here are difficult. What is this? He’s not proposing, isn’t he? Y/N shook her head. What the hell was she thinking? But someone was standing in the middle of the room, making Ken immediately run to him while calling him, “Uncle Jaehyun.” What is he doing here? When Jung Jaehyun stepped to the side, she saw someone else then everything clicked. 

The man sitting behind Jaehyun stood up immediately and in the same manner as Kenshin, ran to his older sister. “Noona,” Junyoung called, wrapping his hands around her. “Y/N noona.” He called once again. Her eyes went to Yuta who was only smiling at her then at Jaehyun, carrying his son, who was nodding. 

The restaurant choice. The dinner meeting. The reservation. The two of them together in this place. Is this their plan? Her hands wrapped around the younger guy, whispering his name. “Junyoungie.” The tears fell from the younger’s eyes as his hug got tighter. 

Who would have thought that the young boy she used to carry around was now carrying her own child? Yuta was right, Junyoung got taller now but his childhood features are still there. He’s wearing glasses now which makes him more alike their dad. She then realized how these two in front of her were the only blood-related relatives she had. Her only blood-related family. “Jungwoo hyung called me yesterday. He said he’s opening a store in Paris.” Junyoung shared, “Dad video called last night. He’s walking after therapy now.” That’s great news. “And Doyoung hyung is busy with his new musical.” The girl had to smile at that. They’re really doing well in life.

“They’ll be happy to know that I saw you again, noona. They have been asking a lot about you.” Her face fell at that. She missed them as well. But after everything that happened, she doesn’t have any courage to see them again. 

“Mom hasn’t been well but Dad told me not to visit her anymore.” The mention of her startled Y/N. Junyoung had been visiting their mom? “She tried to hurt me when I visited her once.” Even Yuta visibly jerked at that statement. “She said I was the one who killed her son.” 

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, noona.” That made her look at him. He was the one who was hurt, why is he apologizing to her? “When I was young, I didn’t understand why you didn’t like to stay at our house. I thought you hated me.” She shook her head. To be honest, it was Junyoung who was the reason why she kept returning to their house. “I didn’t know Mom hurt you so much.” He reached out to hug her as tears welled in her eyes, “You don’t deserve that because you’re the best noona I have.” 

“I’m your only noona.” 

Junyoung nodded, brushing her hair. “I’ll always choose you as a big sister even in the next life.” The tears fell in her eyes. How could Junyoung say these words to her? “I’m sorry I was born too late but I promise I’ll do my best to take care of you now, Y/N noona.” 

Because she had been crying too much, Yuta suggested that she and Kenshin stay in his place since it was nearer. The younger was already sleeping soundly when they arrived at his house, Y/N just tucking him to sleep and then closing the door of his room quietly. “He might have tired himself playing with Junyoung,” Yuta whispered while chuckling. He then stopped when Y/N hugged him, hands wrapped around his torso. “Hey, are you alright?” He asked, brushing his hand on her back to calm her down from crying. 

“Thank you for doing this Yuta.” She cried which made him hug her. “I didn’t realize how much I miss Junyoung. Thank you.” 

The guy had to tap her back, “You deserve to have all the happiness in the world, Y/N.” 

She lightly pushed him, glancing up to stare him in the face. Y/N breathed heavily, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do Yuta.” 

He smiled, “Then let’s get you to bed.” 

Y/N’s heart was stammering really hard as she was sitting on the edge of Yuta’s bed, the man arranging the pillows. “Yuta,” she called quietly. “You should know that it’s been so long since I had sex with someone. The last time was with you.” 

The guy giggled at that. “I’m not doing anything to you, Y/N.” He fluffed the pillows. “I want you to sleep. Your eyes are very puffy.” He took two pillows from the pile. “Take a lot of rest and skip work tomorrow.” 

Before he could leave the room with the pillows, she held his hand. “Where are you going?” 

“Sleeping outside.” 

“You could sleep here,” she whispered, moving to the side of the bed while taking one pillow. “It’s a huge bed.” 

Yuta smiled, putting back the pillow. “I’ll arrange the pillow fort…” 

“Don’t bother. You know it will be gone in the morning.” He gulped at that. Why is she making him crazy like this? “It’s fine, you said you wouldn’t do anything to me.” 

The guy had to lightly smile at that. This girl, really. He lightly tapped the bed, “Then get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Yuta.” 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” 

—-

Yuta can’t take his eyes off her. He had watched her in these board meetings presenting her ideas and proposals but every time she just gets prettier and prettier. It seemed like she was born to do this job, to run a company of her own. A trait that made her so charming. 

The stakeholders congratulated Y/N for a presentation well done, even tagging her as the gem of Suzaki company. “If this Suzaki kid doesn’t marry you, I’ll introduce you to my son.” One of the company presidents claimed making Yuta glare at him. Y/N only laughed at that. Why isn’t she saying no and rejecting their offers? 

The girl was standing in the middle of Yuta’s office room, twiddling her thumbs together. “You wanted to take a leave for a week?” The vice president asked, looking at the letter she submitted. “You’re going to New York?” 

She nodded, “I think it will be a great gift for Junyoung, to see Dad and Doyoung.” 

“Are you bringing Ken on your trip?” The girl shook her head, reasoning out that her money could only pay for her ticket and Jaehyun was paying for Junyoung’s. “I could pay for Kenshin’s.” 

Y/N sighed. She wanted to bring Kenshin along. This is her chance to introduce her son to her stepdad and stepbrother. But bringing the hyperactive kid and her teenage brother to a foreign place is a little difficult for her. But then, that was what happened when she moved back to the country with Ken and Mark. Maybe she could do it. 

Her boss allowed her for a week break but she’s already freaking out. The tickets were already in her purse but she kept on checking on it to not forget anything. Y/N had kept on reminding her son not to run away from her and to just stay where she could always see him. Yet she knew that would be false hopes especially whenever he sees anything related to Pororo. 

The girl was just breathing hard, Junyoung following his nephew. They’re still in the airport but she feels like she cannot do this. Someone turned the corner while carrying her son, making her stop in her tracks. “Mommy said not to run, why are you running away from your uncle?” Yuta asked, making Ken apologetic. 

“What are you doing here?” The girl asked, eyeing Yuta’s backpack. 

He handed her his plane ticket and passport, “I’m coming to New York.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “It’s a business meeting so I won’t bother you but you clearly need help with these two.” Y/N only nodded, breathing in relief, thanking him. 

It was a heartwarming reunion. Their dad was seated in his wheelchair but he tried standing up to hug both Y/N and Junyoung. He kept on apologizing for not being a good father and just leaving the two to fend for themselves alone. Junyoung kept on crying, whispering that he was thankful to have him as his father. Jungwoo also came from Paris, which launched another crying fest from the family. 

They all complimented Y/N for Kenshin’s adorable antics, even stating that they were proud of her for not giving the younger boy up for adoption. “Did Yuta ask you for marriage yet?” Doyoung asked, making Jungwoo nod curiously. “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t let you go now.” 

“By the lengths of what Yuta can do, I’m sure marriage is your endgame.” Y/N stared in confusion. “He was the one who bought me the ticket for this trip.” 

It’s not like Y/N had never thought of that before. With the endless days she spent with Yuta lately, she was getting used to a life with him. Everyone at work was teasing them about getting married, even Kenshin had been asking her why his parents were not together. But they are not together, to begin with. They’re just co-parenting Kenshin and that’s all. 

“If he hasn’t asked you for marriage yet, maybe you could ask him instead.” Her dad suggested. 

—-

Yuta was rubbing his temples, staring at the Excel file in front of him as if it would magically fix itself. He did attend business school but why is this application just so damn difficult? Should he call Y/N? She’ll know what to do since she has solved countless of these problems before. But she’s with her family and it’s her leave, he cannot just bother her with work. 

But he wanted to call and ask her what happened. Surely, she would cry and he wanted to calm her down. Maybe he just misses her voice. He stared at the time on the bottomside of his laptop then shook his head. It’s late. Maybe tomorrow. He’ll call in to check on her tomorrow. Meaning, he had the whole night to fight with this impossible file. He was ready to give up and close the laptop when a knock on his hotel door could be heard. He did put up the ‘Do not Disturb’ card, didn’t he? Yuta was startled seeing Y/N standing outside. “Hi,” he greeted. “What are you doing here?” He then glanced around for someone in particular, “Where’s Ken?” But Yuta let her in anyhow. 

“Dad asked if Kenshin could stay at their place. With Jungwoo arriving, the house is very crowded.” Oh, Yuta understands. But why is she here? “Can I spend the night here? I’ll take dibs on the couch.” 

The guy had to chuckle, disappearing to the kitchen to get her something to drink. He was just thinking about her. Is this the power of manifestations? Then should he just start manifesting a life with her? Maybe that would come true as well. “Are you working on something?” She asked, which made him hum. When he returned to his receiving area, she was seated on the couch and looking at his laptop. “The formula for this cell is wrong.” she pointed then stared at Yuta who was just watching her, “Can I?” 

He nodded as she sat down on the floor and started typing on his laptop. Yuta put down the drinks on the table next to the laptop, watching what she was doing. It’s truly amazing, the things she could do. Obviously, it’s not something that she learned from school. It really is from her experience. 

An advantage that makes her the most eligible for the presidential position. 

“You’re really great at this,” Yuta complimented as the Excel file showed the results he had been yearning to achieve. “Do you want to be the president of the company?” Y/N laughed. “Dad is resigning soon.” 

“Wait, you were serious?” 

Yuta nodded. “My dad and I have the same 35% stocks while the stakeholders have 10%. I can’t let some stakeholder take away the Suzaki company even if I hate that name.” 

“Then you should do it,” Y/N stated as a matter of fact. “Where’s the other 20% of the stocks though?” 

“Yours and Kenshin’s,” he claimed that startled her, even choking on her orange juice. “I did mention that the money you gave me was used to start the company.” 

The girl pursed her lips at that. The company is slowly progressing to a global market earning hundreds of thousands each day. That was a huge amount of money for Kenshin to even inherit. Yes, Yuta is his dad and he is the vice president of the company. But that is still huge to think about. “Yuta, you do realize that Suzaki company is a family-owned business, right? I think you would be the best candidate for the president position.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Your department had brought in a lot of investors.” 

“But that was because of you.” He reasoned out. “And no one in my brothers or sisters would bother running a company. You are my only hope, Y/N.” 

The girl sighed. “I told you it’s a family business. I’m not even a Suzaki.” 

“Then let’s get married.” Yuta blurted out. He blinked realizing what he said, “Though you’re not a Suzaki by blood, you will be on paper.” 

“Let me make this clear,” She started, “You're going to marry me so I could be the president of your company?” Wow, Y/N thought, that kind of stings. And she thought they could be together somehow. 

Yuta was quick on his feet, kneeling on the floor in front of the table that even startled her. “Wait, wait. That’s not what I meant.” He immediately cleared up, shaking his hands frantically. “God, I would love to get married to you but only if you wanted to, Y/N,” he exclaimed. “It’s not because I wanted you to run the company, I want to marry you because I want to be with you.” He rumbles. “I want to start my day seeing you, I want to end my day with the image of you. I want to see you smiling and happy all the time. I want to give you all the love you deserve, Y/N.” He claimed then stopped to take a breath. “I might sound like a crazy man right now but I’ll be the happiest man in the world if you agree to marry me.” 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at the cute rant. “Is that your marriage proposal?” She asked making Yuta sigh as if defeated. “It was cute but very unprompted.” She teased making him glare at her while pouting. How cute. “But Yuta, you cannot marry your secretary. That’s against company rules.” 

The side of his lips turned up, “And you cannot marry a low-life stripper you just picked up in the street, Y/N. That’s against societal rules.” The girl mirrored the same smile as him. “But here we are, Y/N. Two people sitting on the floor at a hotel in New York.” She giggled at that. Yuta placed both her hands on his shoulders, his hands holding her waist. “Can I kiss you?” 

She leaned in for a quick kiss, “You don’t have to ask every time.” 

Yuta moved closer, his lips devouring hers. It still feels like the first time. As if fireworks were popping around and butterflies in his stomach wanting to be set free. He felt his lungs constrict with air while his heart kept stammering harder by the second. He felt like dying yet being alive at the same time. How weird is this feeling? How could this moment feel so familiar yet so different, more intense, at the same time? “I love you, Y/N,” he whispered, forehead against hers. “I love you so much.”    

“I love you too, Yuta.” 

—-

There was a huge shift in their relationship after going back from New York. Haechan made sure that the couple knew what it was when he kept reminding the two that they seemed like a married couple already. Everyone in the office, even Yuta’s father, kept on asking when they would hear the wedding bells making the two just smile at them. It’s not that they’re not planning or even wanting to, but there are a lot of things going on at the moment. There are more company projects that they need to prioritize. 

Y/N kept on presenting her ideas to make the company larger and known in the global market. In her effort, they had made millions in just a month. She even urged Jaehyun to invest in the company, earning high-status recognition from other companies. And Yuta was just amazed at how she did it. Truly, it is a gift. No one could run this company but her. 

And he’s willing to do everything to give her the position she deserves. 

There were countless date nights before. They would often leave Ken to Mark or Haechan’s care, sometimes Jaehyun and Junyoung’s. So it isn’t new that Yuta was driving Y/N in town. Maybe they’ll eat at another fine-dining restaurant. But the road he was traveling to was so familiar, she had been driving her car countless times in this place. When they entered a majestic gate, her confusion grew. Is there a party they need to attend? Why this hotel? She’s clearly underdressed for this hotel. 

Yuta was driving so slowly, even stopping at some point and then shaking his head before driving a little bit forward. “What’s wrong?” He then stopped the car that confused Y/N. Is his car broken? Why are they stopping in the middle of the hotel's driveway? 

The guy breathed hard before facing her, “I saw you here exactly six years ago.” Y/N glanced at the place and then gasped. They did. “I did plan on walking the entire driveway but you came and offered me a ride.” Yuta smiled warmly as if reminiscing that moment, “A car ride I knew I wouldn’t forget.”  

“I knew you said the proposal in New York is enough but it’s not,” He took a box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a simple ring. “And you hated tacky things like a diamond stone on your finger so this is the simplest I could buy.” The girl giggled at that. 

“Y/N, I want to spend all my mornings and evenings with you. Whenever you feel tired, I want to take care of you. Whenever something happy or sad happens in your life, I want to be the first person to hear all about it.” His hand came to her cheek, wiping the tears falling from her eyes. “I’ll give you the moon and the stars if you want to. I’ll remain loyal to you even if you share a bed with other guys.” She chuckled at that, lightly hitting his chest in a playful manner. “I will love you until my last breath, Y/N.” 

The girl gasped at that. How did he come up with those words? “So, Miss Y/N Y/L/N, will you do me the honor of marrying this crazy guy who only loves you the most in the world?” 

“Yes, crazy man.” Y/N smiled. “I will marry you.” 

The guy had to hug her first, assuring himself that this wasn’t a dream like the one he had days ago, before slipping the ring on her finger. The girl even praised him for picking the right size which made him beam in delight. “I’m always holding your hand, I feel like your hand is already molded on mine.” The girl giggled before he placed their foreheads together, “I love you, Y/N.” 

“I love you too, Yuta.” 

“Can I…?”

“I told you, you don’t have to ask.” She claimed, holding his cheeks to kiss him. 

—---

“And then we should utilize the reach of Jung Tradings to advertise the collaboration project with Hikari Studios,” Y/N explained before tapping her pen on the vice president’s desk. “Were you listening to me?” Yuta shook his head and she rolled her eyes, shifting her weight on another leg. “This is kind of important.” 

“I know,” he claimed while standing up. He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek. “But you’re distracting. Why are you so pretty?” The girl had to turn her body to face him, giving him a glare. “Let’s take a break, hmm?” 

“Yuta, you said that ten minutes ago.” She shook her head, holding his shoulders. “I haven’t moved past the third slide of my presentation.” 

He chuckled, pulling her closer. “I don’t have to hear it to know how great your ideas are.” 

When they said that it’s dangerous to have a relationship with your boss, Y/N doesn’t believe that crap. Of course, there’s a huge wall between being professional and being personal. Yet Yuta is proving her otherwise. It’s not a bad thing though, it’s endearing actually. But he’s becoming more clingy ever since they got engaged. 

The guy kissed her neck which earned a small squeak from her. “Yuta, not here. Haechan is outside the door.” 

“He already left,” The girl looked startled. But it’s still early. “He’ll just force me to have a bachelor party.” 

“Then why don’t you?” Yuta had to let go of the girl as if she was burning hot. Is she crazy? Is she really asking that question? “You’ll enjoy that more instead of fucking your secretary in your office.” 

Yuta let out a hearty laugh. “Then will you be having your bachelorette party?” 

The girl shook her head with a pout. “First, I don’t have female friends. Second, I’ve seen better.” She grinned. “If it’s Johnny dancing, I might reconsider.” 

His arms were back on her waist, tickling her sides which made her giggle. “But you promised me that you’d hire me for your bachelorette party.” 

“Oh yeah,” she mumbled as if just remembering it. “I did, didn’t I?” 

“I think I still have my skills left,” he claimed. “A little rusty because of lack of practice.” She raised an eyebrow at that. “But I could give you a lap dance for free.” 

Y/N giggled, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll avail that service after you bend me on your desk, sir.”

Yuta smirked. She does know how to make him crazy. 

Crazily in love with her. 

—--

The wedding hall looked majestic and everything was in the right place. Jaehyun even claimed that this was better than the wedding they almost had. Even Kenshin was well-behaved as he wore his suit and tie. A lot of emotions were running in his veins at the moment, excitement leading the bunch. He cannot wait to see his very lovely bride walking on the aisle. He can’t wait to finally call her his wife. 

Jungwoo was walking along the aisle, looking like his runway self but his eyes were focused on Yuta. Anxiousness filled his chest. Something isn’t right. “She’s frantic.” The other guy claimed that confused Yuta. “Junyoung is trying to calm her down but I don’t think she wants to go out of the room.” 

Doyoung tapped his shoulder, “You should go see her.” 

This was a bad omen, right? A groom shouldn’t see his bride before the wedding. That would ruin the surprise, the anticipation of getting married. But what is happening to her? He’s more worried about her than this growing anxiousness in his chest. Is she sick? Is she suddenly regretting saying yes to him? Yuta shook his head while briskly walking to where the bridal room was. Her younger brother was pacing back and forth then looking relieved when he saw him. “Noona is freaking out so bad.” The guy opened the door after thanking Junyoung. 

There she was seated on the couch looking as beautiful as ever. If he saw her walking the aisle looking like this, he would have easily cried. But right now, he just looked worried. Y/N was biting her thumb, her left knee bouncing up and down. “Hey,” he called softly, placing a palm on her cheek. “What happened?” 

She rubbed her hands together before taking both Yuta’s hands and asking him to sit down. The guy could feel his heart dropping from his chest. She might really be regretting her decision to agree to marry him. But why? Did he do something? Is it because of the lap dance? Because they had been too sexually intimate the past nights? Did he force her? “Y/N, I’m…” 

“You’ll say ‘I do’, right?” Wait, what? “You still want to marry me, right?” 

Yuta had to blink twice. What the hell is she saying? “Of course.” He held both her hands, “Do you have any regrets?” She shook her head at that. “Then what’s wrong?” 

“I feel like all of these happened before.” Damn, Yuta thought, Jung Jaehyun traumatized her this bad? “You’re not going to stop the ceremony just to tell me that I deserve better, right?” 

He laughed to avoid showing how annoyed he was at Jaehyun at the moment. “If you want, we can just skip the ceremony and tell the officiant to proclaim us husband and wife already.”  

“You still wanted to marry me?” She repeated. 

“Of course, Y/N.” 

“Even if I’m pregnant.” 

“Of course…What?” Yuta’s eyes were wide. “You’re what?” She handed him the pregnancy test. “Since when have you known?” His eyes were focused on the two red lines appearing on the small rectangular object.  

Y/N stared down at the lace of her dress, “I’ve been feeling weird a couple of days ago. It’s a familiar weird, so I checked.” Her fingers started rubbing the material of her skirt. “I understand if you don’t want to marry me now. Who would even want a pregnant lady?” 

Yuta had to hide a smile. Is this because of her pregnancy? Why is Y/N suddenly so adorable? “Are you kidding me? This makes me want to marry you much faster.” He held her hand, kissing the back of her palm. “Let’s do this ceremony first then let’s go to the hospital after.” He wrapped his arms around her, “Y/N, I never thought I’d be more happy today but you just made me the happiest man alive.” He did his usual action, putting their foreheads together. “I love you so much, Y/N.” 

“And I love you too, Yuta.” 

He stood up, lending a hand for her to take. “Let us be officially husband and wife, hmm?” 

She smiled, taking his hand. “Yuta,” she called quietly which made him hum as an answer. “I hate how your perfume smells.” The guy only cocked his head to the side. But he’s not wearing any perfume. 

—--

“I’m sorry, I’m late.” One of the executives muttered, putting down his bag and then a cup of coffee above the conference table. Yuta had to lightly glance at the girl in front of them before calling for his secretary. “I’m sorry,” Haechan started, taking the cup of coffee. “President doesn’t like the smell of something sweet.” 

Yuta sighed. With the first child, she had to suffer by not eating seafood which was her favorite. Now, with the second baby, they had to remove everything sweet-smelling at home. He even had to change the body wash he had been using for years. But the worst of it all, is her hating the smell of caramel. She loves caramel: in her coffee, on donuts, on his body. But the pregnant Y/N would always get sick just smelling the sweet treat. 

Pregnancy is so bad on Y/N. He shouldn't do this to her once again.

Yet whenever he wakes up and just stares at her, he can’t help but fall deeply in love. How deeply can you love a person? Yuta doesn’t know if he’ll ever have the answer to that question, he can’t seem to find the deepest point of his love for her. It just seemed endless. She was always glowing, prettier each day, and he was glad for that bump on her stomach to assure himself that she was his.

Pregnancy looks very good on Y/N. He might consider another one.  

When she ended her presentation, everyone was just clapping for her. Yuta was just seated on his chair, taking it all in. He must be a really lucky man. How could this gorgeous goddess standing in front of him be his? Everything must be a dream. A dream he doesn’t want to wake up from. 

“Congratulations, President Y/N.” Jaehyun greeted, before asking if he could touch her baby bump. Yuta glared but the girl only nodded. “But shouldn’t you start your leave? Isn’t it your due date already?” 

“Next week,” she answered. “And I just finished this presentation. I don’t want Yuta to worry so much.”    

The dimples on Jaehyun’s cheeks can be seen that annoyed Yuta, “You’re a lucky dude.” 

Yuta smirked. Of course, he is. “My girlfriend is the best.” 

“I’m your wife, Yuta.” She claimed as a matter of fact. 

The guy's eyes widened, a wide grin painted on his face. “My wife? That’s even better.” The girl giggled making Jaehyun shake his head. Y/N had to stop and then grabbed her husband by the shoulder. “Why? Are you dizzy? Do you want to sit down?” 

Her grasp on his shirt got tighter as she kept breathing heavily. “You should call my doctor,” She said calmly, blowing heavy breaths. “I think Kazi wants to come out.” 

“What?” Water started spilling on the floor of the conference room as Jaehyun held on Y/N’s other arm. “Don’t panic!” Yuta shouted, letting go of his wife then paced around the room while repeatedly whispering where he left his phone. Both Jaehyun and Y/N were looking at him in worry.    

“Love, your phone…” She was pointing at the device on top of the table but Yuta shouted from the other side of the room, “Y/N, I said don’t panic!” 

—---

“Black coffee with caramel for my lady,” Yuta claimed, handing her a warm cup making Y/N smile. “Are you sure you can drink coffee now?” 

The girl nodded, he was there when the doctor assured her that she could return to her normal routine. Besides, she already missed caramel. She took a sip and then hummed at how tasty it was. The perfect coffee taste. Maybe she just missed the taste of coffee or probably it’s just Yuta’s amazing coffee-making skills. 

“They look very happy,” Yuta claimed, sitting beside her while kissing the side of her head. Her gaze fell on the crib where Kazi was lying down, Ken playing with her by covering his face and shouting peek-a-boo. The younger girl’s laughter echoed across the room. Y/N nodded. 

She can’t believe that these two kids are her own. Her flesh and blood, her children. Why are they so perfect? How could two gorgeous beings come from a woman deprived of a mom’s love and a man who grew up deprived of a father? How ironic. She giggled at that making Yuta confused. “We did come from troubled parents, didn't we?” Y/N whispered which made Yuta laugh, nodding. “But look at them.” The girl had to stare at her husband, smiling warmly. “I think we’re doing better than our parents.” 

“I think we’re just great parents together, love.” He whispered, holding her shoulder to hug her closer.  

Y/N held the cup of warm coffee in her hands. Before, she would always see the darkness in every cup and sip the bitterness coffee had to offer. Just like her life: dark and bitter. But after knowing him, her caramel, the dark color became lighter and the taste richer, indulgent. Her life had become worth living in. 

Hearing the giggles of her children, she figured it wasn’t just the caramel making her coffee richer and tastier. There's the presence of water. Warm water. As she held onto the cup, she realized her life had become like this cup of coffee.

Coffee, caramel, warm water.  

Y/N. Yuta. Kenshin. Kazumi. Her family.

And just like her cup of coffee, everything is perfect in her life.

[bts-trans]

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[네이버 포스트] 띵동! 슈가 & Agust D & 윤기의 모습을 가득 담은 종합 선물 세트가 도착했습니다🎁 (@ https://m.post.naver.com/viewer/postView.naver?volumeNo=36214098&memberNo=51325039) #BTS #방탄소년단 #슈가 #SUGA #AgustD #D_DAY

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Naver Post Translation

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[BTS] SUGA | Agust D 'D-DAY' 활동기 비하인드 대공개!

[BTS] SUGA | Agust D ‘D-DAY’ Activity Period Behind-the-Scenes Release!

아-하!

Hi-A!

(T/N: Stands for ‘Hi ARMY’, which is how Bangbell always starts these posts.)

꒰⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝꒱੭⁾⁾

방림이가 너무 오랜만에 왔죠? (;´・`)> 오랜만에 온 만큼 어마 무시한 포스트 주인공을 데리고 왔는데요?! 오늘의 주인공은 바로바로바로바로~~~ (모두 다 알고 있지만) SUGA | Agust D의 솔로 앨범 활동기 비하인드!

It’s been a while since Bangbell was here, right? (;´・`)>

But since it’s been a while, I’ve brought an incredible star for this post?! And today’s star is is is is is~~~ (You all already know but) The behind-the-scenes for SUGA | Agust D ’s solo album activity period!

포스트를 시작하기에 앞서 퀴즈 나갑니다 민슈가의 매력 포인트�� 무엇일까요? 1. 귀여움 2. 멋있음 3. 섹시함 4. 잘생김 5. 말랑함 정답은요?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 아무래도 당모. 당연히 모두 다. 슈가의 귀여움, 멋있음, 섹시함, 잘생김, 말랑함을 다 모아 포스트에 가-득 담아왔으니 바로 시작하시죠!

Before we start this post, there’s a quiz

What’s Min Suga’s most charming feature?

His cuteness

His coolness

His sexiness

His handsomeness

His squishiness

The answer?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 No matter what you pick AOTA. All Of The Above.

I’ve gathered together all of Suga’s cuteness, coolness, sexiness, handsomeness, and squishiness and have put it aaall in this post so let’s begin!

말랑 포근 남친 + 예민 존잘 수트 남신 두 가지 콘셉트를 전부 볼 수 있었던 ‘사람 Pt.2 (feat. 아이유)’ MV 비하인드로 가볍게 시작해 볼까요?

A soft and cozy boyfriend + A sharp, handsome, suit-wearing god Shall we start with the behind-the-scenes for the ‘People Pt.2 (feat. IU)’ MV where you can see both of these concepts?

*Ꙩꙻ₀Ꙩꙻ)！ 조그만 곳에 들어가는 걸 좋아하고 신 걸 못 먹는 걸 보니 민윤기는 고양이가 확실합니다(?) MV에서는 그렇게 날티나던 OPPA였는데 현장에선 이렇게 귀여운 게 말이 돼?! ㄴ외않되

*Ꙩꙻ₀Ꙩꙻ)！ He likes going into small places and he can’t eat sour things so I’m positive that Min Yoongi is a cat(?)

In the MV he appeared like such a playboy OPPA* But on set he’s so cute. Does that even make sense?! ㄴWhy not?

(T/N: ‘Oppa’ is the Korean word women use to refer to a man who is older than them. Female fans also use this term affectionately for male celebrities.)

5252~ 귀여운 ‘해금’ MV 속 애옹이를 보느라 처연미 넘치는 ‘AMYGDALA’ MV 비하인드도 잊으면 안된다구 항상 미남이지만 본인피셜 “이때 예뻤네~!” 말이 나오게 만드는 ‘AMYGDALA’ MV 속에서는 더더욱 어머 미남.. ⸝⸝• ̫•⸝⸝

Hey hey*~ Just because you saw a cute kitty in the ‘Haegeum’ MV doesn’t mean you can forget about the ‘AMYGDALA’ MV that’s full of tragic beauty

(T/N: The number 5252 is pronounced “oh ee oh ee / 오이오이” in Korean, which sounds a lot like the greeting “Hey / eo ee, 어이” that you would shout at someone.)

He’s always been a handsome man but in the ‘AMYGDALA’ MV even he ended up saying “Wow, I looked so pretty then~!” Oh my what a handsome man.. ⸝⸝• ̫•⸝⸝

깜짝 사연 모집과 함께 오랜만에 돌아와서 아미들을 놀라게 했는데 보이는 라디오를 통해 더 물오른 미모로 더더더 놀라게 했�� 꿀에펨부터 슙디… 금방 돌아온다고 했으니까 기다릴게… 기다린다! 우리… 한 발자국도 안 움직인다! 슙디 돌아올 때까지 숨참기 시작

Starting with Kkul FM which came back after a long time along with a surprise story submission form and really caught ARMYs off guard and surprised them even more with his beautiful looks through a video radio show

DJ Syub*… you said you’ll be back soon so we’ll wait… we’ll wait! We… won’t even move a single step! Starting now we’re holding our breath until DJ Syub returns

(T/N: The alias Suga uses when he hosts his radio show Kkul FM.)

있지도 않은 남사친 기억 조작하게 만들면서 많은 아미들 심장 떨리게 만들었던 팔레트

Palette, which made everyone think of a guy friend that they don’t even have and made so many ARMYs’ hearts flutter

미니미즈가 함께 출연한 핑계고에서 본 뜻밖의 귤디 (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

갑작스런 퀴즈. 슈가는 핑계고에서 귤을 몇 개를 먹었을까요? 정답은 아미가 알려줄 거야…

Tangerine D was unexpectedly seen on Just an Excuse which the Minimis* appeared on together (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

(T/N: A nickname for Suga and Jimin.)

Pop quiz. How many tangerines did Suga eat on Just an Excuse? ARMYs will let you know the answer…

주인장 아니고 게스트로 나와서 으른 섹시 + 잔망 귀여움 다 보여줬던 슈취타 아니고 알취타도 있구요!

He appeared as a guest instead of the host and showed off menacing sexiness + adorableness And it wasn’t Suchwita, it was Rchwita*!

(T/N: The name of Suga’s talk show ‘Suchwita’ changed to ‘Rchwita’ when RM hosted for one episode.)

of the 아미 for the 아미 by the 아미 오로지 아미만을 생각하면서 준비한 로드 투 아미 솔직히 정식으로 귀미챌 한 번 더 해줘야 된다고 생각합니다. (진지)

of the ARMY for the ARMY by the ARMY He prepared Road to ARMY while only thinking of ARMY

If I’m being honest, I think he needs to do the SICC* again. (I’m serious)

(T/N: Stands for “Sorry I’m Cute Challenge,” which was a trend many idols did during fanmeets.)

해외에 나가서도 아미들이랑 이야기 나누고 싶다고 현지 시간으로 이른 아침 일찍부터 찾아와 조곤조곤 많은 이야기 나누고 간 발매 라이브에

Even when he went overseas he said he wanted to talk to ARMYs So he got up in the early hours local time And, very quietly, talked a lot during his album release live

빽빽한 미국 스케줄 사이에 깜짝 무대 선물해 준 팰런쇼

In between his packed schedule in the U.S. He gifted us with a surprise performance on the Fallon Show

두 가지 매력의 데이트룩도 차려입고 아미들과 영화관 데이트했던 무비 나잇까지..!

He donned two date outfits with two different charms and went on a movie date with ARMYs for Movie Night..!

끝인 줄 알았지?! 최고의 선물 ‘해금’ 안무 영상은 또 얼마나 열심히 준비했게요

You thought this was the end right?!

How hard must he have prepared for the ‘Haegeum’ dance practice video, which was the best gift ever

해금 추는 민윤기… 다시 볼 수 있기 기원 정권 찌르기 1일차… 콘서트 준비에 바빴을 텐데 아미들 심심하지 말라고 언제 다 준비해놓고 짜잔- 한 상 차려놓은 민윤기 안 사랑하는 법 나는 몰라 진짜 몰라 ( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )

Min Yoongi dancing to Haegeum… This is day 1 of pestering the higher ups to let me see that again…

He must have been so busy preparing for his concerts But just so ARMYs wouldn’t be bored Min Yoongi prepared everything at some point and ta da- He prepared an entire feast Seriously I don’t even know how I’m not supposed to love him ( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )

여기에 콘서트는 또 얼마나 기깔나게 준비했다구욧!? 콘서트 준비 과정도 함께 만나볼까요? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Just how much did he say he prepared here for the concert!? Shall we go check out the concert preparation process? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

고양이도 콘서트 포스터 촬영을 할 수 있는 건가요? 슈가는 없고 앙�� 고영 밖에 없는데요?

Can cats also take photos for concert posters? There’s no Suga here just a devious kitty?

비상비상!!! 1 아미 1 애옹이 보급 시급 이과 아미들 뭐 하는데!! 민윤기 복제 안 하고 뭐 하는데!! (땡깡)

Emergency emergency!!! 1 ARMY 1 kitty are urgently needed ARMYs who studied science, what are you doing!! Why haven’t you cloned Min Yoongi yet!! (Throwing a tantrum)

✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ| 이 이모티콘 그 잡채…

✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ| He’s the epitome of this emoticon…

의미 있는 자신감으로 Full 라이브 밴드 콘서트를 준비한 슈가… 아미들 마음을 조사버릴 민윤기 책임져.. 난 365일 중에 613일 정도는 민윤기 생각만 한다고 그리고 대망의 콘.서.트. 두둥!

Full of meaningful confidence Suga prepared a full live-band concert…

Min Yoongi, who’s destroying ARMYs’ hearts Take responsibility.. I think of only Min Yoongi 613 days out of 365 days

And now the long-awaited con.cert.

Drum roll!

크으으으으으으 My rap star… My rockstar… My king… 슈가는 왕이에요…

Woooooooooow My rap star… My rockstar… My king… Suga is the king…

이렇게 길고 알찼던 활동만큼 길고도 알찼던 활동기 포스트가 끝이 났습니다! 뭐 잊은 거 없냐구요? 乁(ᴗ ͜ʖ ᴗ)ㄏ 글~쎄요?? 넝담이고~

For as long and packed as this activity period was this long and packed acitivity period post is coming to an end!

You’re saying I forgot something?

乁(ᴗ ͜ʖ ᴗ)ㄏ I~don’t know??

Just a joke~

이 포스트를 빌려 아미에게 방림이 전할게 음음음음 다행히도 보여줄 사진은 여태 많이 남았네

Bangbell will take this post as a chance to tell ARMY Mm mm mm mm Thankfully there are still many pictures I have yet to show you*

(T/N: A reference to Suga’s verse in ‘Life Goes On.’)

포스트에 빠질 수 없는 셀카! 이쁜 셀카 이렇게 잔뜩 모아왔다구요! <(=^･^=)> 다양한 콘텐츠와 공연으로 아미들을 즐겁게 해준 슈가 & Agust D & 윤기에게 많은 박수 부탁드립니다~!!! (와아아아~~)

The selfies that we can’t leave out of this post! I’ve gathered all of these pretty selfies! <(=^･^=)>

Please give a big round of applause for Suga & Agust D & Yoongi for preparing all kinds of content and performances for ARMYs to enjoy~!!! (Yaaaaay~~)

어라랏..? 이쯤하면 아뿅이 나올 때가 됐는데..?

Umm..? Doesn’t ‘A-Poof’ usually appear right about now..?

따란~

Ta da~

여러분들이 그렇게 찾던 고양이 셀카를 두고 올 방림이가 아니죠 ~(˘▾˘)~

Bangbell has brought the cat selfie that you all were looking for ~(˘▾˘)~

요즘 날씨가 많이 더운데 방림이가 더위를 물리치는 특별 방법을 알려드릴게요! 1. 슈가 사진 보기 2. Agust D 노래 듣기 3. 민윤기 사랑해 외치기

It’s been so hot recently so Bangbell will let you know a special method to beat the heat!

Look at photos of Suga

Listen to Agust D songs

Shout that you love Min Yoongi

그럼 다들 더위 조심하시고~ 다음에 또 다른 선물 같은 콘텐츠로 돌아오겠습니다!

So be careful of the heat~ I’ll come back next time with more gift-life contents!

아-뿅!

A-Poof!

(T/N: Short for “Bye ARMY! Poof!”, which is how Bangbell always ends these posts.)

. ̫ .

[Note]

본 포스트는 BIGHIT MUSIC에서 직접 운영하는 포스트입니다.

This Naver Post account is personally managed by BIGHIT MUSIC.

[End Note]

Trans cr; Ali & Annie Typeset cr; Chika @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[solecize]

  𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (4)

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: a party at the notorious hotel azure, the hot-spot for the top names of south korea's entertainment industry, goes awry. in front of everyone, your relationship reaches it's breaking point - except, it doesn't. 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, fake dating, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), both main characters are very flawed, violence, infidelity, foul language, substance use (illegal drugs) 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. extra warning for heavy substance abuse in this chapter - the usage of this is not meant to be glamourized in any way. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, so please note the underlying commentary on idol life and substance use. as someone who has been diagnosed with substance use disorder, i encourage learning about its complexities and ending stigma around it. there is also a quick note at the end of the chapter regarding its ending. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤjoin the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤm.list | previous | next

you might just have dealt the final blow stop, you’re losin’ me

TOP HEADLINE TODAY: big hit entertainment releases a trailer on official youtube channel, announcing bts’ upcoming world tourㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤapril 2018

  two years made a night and day difference in your relationship. after the highs and lows that brought several short-term breakups, 2018 was supposed to be your and jungkook’s year. it was a fresh start and the turn of your early twenties was the world at your fingertips. young, beautiful and wealthy - it was a dream for any idol in south korea. 

  a fresh start wasn’t always easy when skeletons lurked in your closet, though. watching your boyfriend pace back and forth in his kitchen, a glass of whiskey on the rocks at hand, jungkook looked completely different. you weren’t sure if you’d finally snapped out of the daze that framed him as a teenager, bursting with energy, but things hadn’t been the same in a long time.

  “yeah, y/n is coming with me,” you heard him say, your ears perking up at the sound of your name. it was hard to read his tone, but something told you that the person on the other end was surprised at his statement.

  he finally noticed that you walked into the room, having finished slipping on your coat. jungkook sighed, tilting back the last of his drink and telling the person on the phone that he had to go. his furrowed eyebrows were telling enough that he was annoyed with you.

  “what? i only took an hour,” you said, walking over from the doorway of his bathroom.

  jungkook rolled his eyes. “an hour after the party started. let’s get going, the boys said they’re waiting for us,” he complained. “you’re the one who insisted on coming with me, anyway.”

  at that, you didn’t say anything because you knew it would only escalate into an argument. jungkook had been recently accusing you of being overly controlling when it came to hanging out with his friends, which led to an invite to tonight’s party to be extended to you, as well. 

  however, parties at places like hotel azure were now a routine for you and jungkook, which was one of the only things that was constant against change in the past two years. with fame came notoriety and after clawing your way up the social ladder amongst the country’s musical elite, invitations to galas and lounges and the vip section of the club came left and right. everyone now knew you as one of the idol power couples behind the curtain and your respective presences were expected at events. 

  a molasses-like tension sat in the air when it came to this. although you and jungkook were known as one, it wasn’t easy to ignore jungkook’s individual stardom that garnered mass attention. his biggest supporter, you loved this for him - until you didn’t. he would jet off to tokyo and shanghai to party with a-listers and meet new people everywhere he went. he was rising before your very eyes and you couldn’t help but feel left behind.

  “did you not tell them we got back together?” you suddenly asked, trailing out the front door with an impatient jungkook.

  he only shrugged. it was hard to keep up when you and jungkook had taken several sporadic “breaks” over the last year. as a couple, you showed your best and smiled in front of everyone. however, your friends were the ones who would witness arguments in the corner of the room or furious frenzies of text arguments whilst working. 

  it was hard to manage a relationship that was akin to a fire - passionate, but ready to set ablaze at all times. 

  you weren’t sure how you and jungkook got to this point. you were no longer kids who only had each other. it could’ve been so many things - age, fame, money. there were other underlying issues that came with all these things. after all, by the time you were sat in the car, the first flask was already finished between you and him.

  the drive to hotel azure was a blur and before you knew it, you were taking shots with kim yoojung and suzy in the penthouse suite. jungkook had walked away with his friends upon entering the party and it was already a lost idea to find him. you exchanged few words on the way to the venue, as he seemed to still be frustrated with you for a variety of reasons.

  besides, it was a jackson wang party. the suite was filled to the brim with the who’s who of the entertainment industry, all mingling and dancing in an exalted existence that only celebrities enjoyed. others were outside at the rooftop pool, basking in the first of the year’s warm air. there were too many things going on at once.

  the only warmth you were concerned with was the hot sensation spreading throughout your body from hennessy. “how’s the filming of your new show?” you asked suzy, who was now flushed from the round of drinks.

  “exhausting. how’s the recording of your new album?” she sighed.

  “exhausting.”

  a murmur of agreement ensued. that was why everyone was gathering - an escape from the fastlane of their lives. the industry was draining and every forced smile for the cameras only weighed heavier on someone.

  “that nct member your boyfriend is friends with was passing out xans,” warned yoojung, poking your side.

  a year ago, you would have made a scene. now jaded and long given up on trying to knock some sense into him, you peeked over yoojung’s shoulder to check out the hallway ahead. turning back to the other two women, you already made up your mind.

  “the bathroom over there is free,” was all you had to say and with you swiping your clutch off the counter, they knew what you were thinking. they knew what was in its contents.

  you had to - it was a jackson wang party. ironically, you were never able to recall actually seeing jackson at his parties. really, you weren’t able to recall much in general the day after for certain reasons and tomorrow was looking no different when you busted out of the bathroom minutes later, giggling and brushing off your clothes. at the very least, you knew that you weren’t looking out of place, especially if what yoojung said was true. everyone in the room could afford the best to use, so why wouldn’t they?

  “we should go to the pool!” 

  it didn’t take much convincing for you to be dragged outside, as the high was settling in and you suddenly became a social butterfly. the three of you arrived poolside, where you were greeted by more of your peers. you wouldn’t call them your friends. 

  the exception was jimin, who you were surprised to see. he was very amicable and well-liked amongst social circles, but wild parties were never quite his scene. some of jungkook’s group mates had an affinity for nights out, but you and jungkook attended a specific genre of parties that the others didn’t vibe with on the regular.

  you smiled a little too wide. “jimin!”

  the group you approached sat poolside on a couch, as jimin scooted over to make room for. you barely fit, but he made sure to make it work for one of his best friends’ girlfriend. stumbling a bit when you squeezed past others’ knees, he offered his arm to help steady you.

  “hey, y/n. jungkook went somewhere else?” he asked slowly, examining your face. 

  jimin had a beer in his hand and appeared significantly more sober than the other partygoers, who were now immersed back into their previous conversation after your arrival. suzy and yoojung were laughing with the others, probably now too high and drunk to even remember that they walked over with you. meanwhile, jimin had his jacket on, as if he was right about to leave until you came outside. his mind was changed when he saw how wasted you were.

  you looked around, hoping the fresh air would help you focus. “mmm, yeah. think he’s with jaehyun.”

  it didn’t. it also felt like hours since you last spotted your boyfriend, but you were having fun. however, that wasn’t what jimin was concerned about.

  “you’re doing okay?” jimin questioned, a frown tugging at his lips. 

  if it wasn’t someone like jimin who knew you well, it wouldn’t be so obvious that you were now quite inebriated. your giggles were a little too loud and you would never stumble in high heels sober. 

  when you didn’t answer, jimin finished the last of his drink and set it on the table in front of you before standing up. there was a glint of worry in his eyes. 

  he said, “stay right there. i’m going to get you some water and find jungkook.”

  truthfully, you didn’t want him to locate your boyfriend, but jimin was already off. you huffed some hair out of your face. you didn’t think you were in that bad of a shape. 

  now that there was room on the couch, you were able to move over. when jimin left, you noticed that the girl next to you was watching the interaction the entire time. she was young and the doe-like expression on her face read that this was her first time at hotel azure. she was dressed to the nines and carried herself with energy.

  “hi, you’re nova!” it was more of an exclaimation than a question, when she smiled at you.

  your mood dampened at this. you did not have time to be entertaining whatever lucky rookie idol she was, probably scoring a luky invite. you also despised being called your stage name when you weren’t in front of a camera or fans. however, you put on your best plastered on smile.

  “hi. you are?” you asked, wanting to try to be polite.

  she ignored it. “wow, so it’s true then?” she asked. “you’re dating jungkook! and you were just talking to jimin, you must be so close with all of bts!”

  it was like an immediate headache onset, as you tried not to wince at her nearly screaming into your ear. the music was loud, but not that loud. at least she acknowledged you first, some people often went all in by just talking about jungkook. you would have engaged in actual conversation with her if she didn’t ignore your first attempt.

  “y/n, try this!”

  a red solo cup was pushed in front of your face and you didn’t think twice about taking a sip. anything to not hear the girl drone on about your boyfriend. it was sour and medicinal at the same time, causing you to make a face. the actor who passed it to you chuckled, as you gave it back.

  you coughed. “that was disgusting.”

  for some reason, the smell of the drink alone made your head hurt. you mumbled an ‘excuse me’ at the young idol, who was still talking about bts the entire time that interaction with the drink happened, and got up. your legs were weak. 

  for a while, you were walking around with no purpose, observing those around you blankly. when the drinks and the drugs and the desire to fit in faded away, it was boring. 

  you wondered if you actually liked being at these parties or if you were there just because. the “just because” could have been anything - just because it was expected by your circle, just because it was the only way to let out steam from the demands of your job. maybe even. . .just because of jungkook.

  “looking for your boyfriend?”

  at some point, you wandered over to the shadowy corner of the rooftop, where someone was smoking a joint. you tried your best to recall his name, as you’d just been on a variety show with him, but the best you could do was remember that he was a member of winner. you winced at yet another mention of jungkook, but ignored it again.

  he held the joint out as an offer and you accepted without hesitation, letting the smoke fill your insides. it was easy to ignore the burn in your throat when you’d already been putting random substances into your body since the night began.

  “not really,” you admitted, though you did scan the crowd when you did.

  he cocked an eyebrow. “oh? aren’t you two always hand in hand at these things?” he made a gesture, referring to the party as a whole.

  a year or two ago, you would have spent the entire party on jungkook’s lap and exclusively mingled and drank from that same spot. as time went on and jungkook began attending parties and clubs without you, it was a growing occurrence that you began doing your own thing when you appeared with him.

  “dunno,” was all you could say, not wanting to talk more about it.

  it appeared that he got the hint, dropping the subject of jungkook. instead, he failed to hide the once over he made of your appearance and you fought a shiver. you felt like you were naked under his stare, as your skin-tight maxi dress didn’t leave much to the imagination. you never felt unsafe to wear what you wanted on a night out - albeit, your boyfriend was usually with you.

  “you cold? want my jacket, sweetie?” he asked, sugar lacing every one of his words.

  that’s when you became alert, despite your body’s lack of sobriety working against you. he had taken a half-step towards you and you instantly stepped backwards. you’d never been so uncomfortable, but it was a struggle to steady yourself.

  you mustered up some solidity in your voice. “no. you can back up now,” you said, handing the joint back to him. “thanks.”

  he didn’t get the hint. “then, do you wanna go inside with me? where’s it’s warmer?”

  the smirk on his face sent off alarms in your head, as you continued to walk away, he still remained close to you when you did. 

  “i said i’m good. you’re getting weird, so back up,” you repeated, eyes darting around to see if anyone would step in.

  instead, everyone was still lost in their own worlds. some people were laughing away, trashing the bar on the other end of the rooftop. the people you were with on the couch were taking shots. nobody was noticing the interaction between you and this man.

  when he took a firm grip on your arm, you thought you were about to throw up. you noticed that you hadn’t even been walking straight and when you blinked, he was already in front of you. your words couldn’t find themselves when you saw double everywhere you turned. you were fucked and you couldn’t even defend yourself.

  then, it happened.

  when you jumped at the sound of a sudden impact, you thought that you were the one who fell down. but, there was no pain. there was a round of gasps. there was yelling. there was a body on the ground and it was the man’s.

  “are you fucking crazy?! don’t you put your dirty ass hands on her ever again or i’ll kill you with my bare hands, asshole!”

  the voice belonged to jungkook. it was the first time you’d seen him all night. he was standing over the man’s body, yelling further profanities at him. you saw red - both on his knuckles and in his bloodshot eyes. 

  you let out a scream when the man suddenly got to his feet, lunging at jungkook. this was when others ran in, straining to peel their two bodies away from each other. 

  people stopped to watch, but it was almost dystopian to see that some didn’t even care. they continued taking shots and smoking their joints. it was a daze of glimmer and drugs that only existed in the penthouse suite of hotel azure - where the rich and famous didn’t have time for scuffles. 

  “jungkook, stop!” you screeched, your voice cracking and tears welling up in your eyes.

  it took three people to pull jungkook alone, as others also came to the rescue of the other man. jaehyun and yugyeom each clutched onto one of jungkook’s arms, while bambam stood between the two. it looked like they had all chased jungkook from inside the penthouse, who had slammed the sliding door open.

  when jungkook picked up a glass beer bottle in his rage, you almost ran in yourself. he’d swatted jaehyun and yugyeom’s grips away to do so. thankfully, it was jimin who dashed in to swipe the object away from jungkook’s grasp, before the situation escalated to disastrous.

  if jimin didn’t wrestle the weapon out of jungkook’s hands, it would have been detrimental beyond saving. 

  “you piece of shit!” snarled the man, who spat in jungkook’s direction. “your little girlfriend should know how much of a piece of shit you are, too!”

  at that, you froze. jungkook only narrowed his eyes at him, as if daring him to continue. the next few moments didn’t seem real. his friends took the opportunity to take hold of him again, now with bambam joining in and trying to talk some sense into him.

  “kook, calm down. seriously, you need to just - “

  jungkook shot back, ignoring bambam. “you better shut your fucking mouth.” through gritted teeth, he kept urging for jaehyun and yugyeom to let go of him, which they thankfully didn’t.

  he only chuckled and your heart dropped when he turned to you. “nah, you must already know he’s a piece of shit. you must be cool with that and with the fact that he’s fucking his backup dancer.”

  what he said was loud and clear, but you didn’t even register it. you thought you were dreaming. you didn’t know what to do.

betrayal had a funny effect on people and on you, it was seething fury.

  if you were sober, it would have been your turn to lunge at someone. you considered it and decided that it wasn’t a bad idea. taking off your heels and making strides towards the man, nobody expected you to clock the man right in the jaw. he yelped, stumbling backwards from the impact. in your state, you only just realized that you’d actually hit him with one of your shoes.

  “that was for me, you creep,” you hissed, as he cussed loudly at his now bloody nose. 

  you even pondered pushing him into the pool, but decided it wasn’t worth it. the adrenaline in your veins - and whatever other substances were in there - wasn’t enough to distract you from the pit in your stomach from what the man said. something in you didn’t even consider the possibility of it being untrue - your gut told you otherwise. 

  you stared at jungkook, searching for any rebuttal. however, you knew the look on his face. it was the truth. not once did jungkook even try to dispute the accusation. your anger died down now and you were left feeling like you were floating. this couldn’t be real.

  it was now jungkook’s turn to stand frozen. you didn’t have time for this or for him. even his friends were frozen and you didn’t know what emotions were on their faces. shocked, but at what? that he was cheating on you or that he just got exposed? reality was beginning to sink in and the only thing you knew was that you needed to get out of there. you thought you looked like the biggest joke in the world, whether his friends knew about it or not.

  “what do you think you’re doing? go after her!” 

  that was jimin’s voice, horrified that his friend was just passively watching you run out of there. jungkook finally made a sprint for it. you’d pushed past several people and jungkook didn’t catch up to you until you reached the elevator.

  your vision was waning and the source could have been either the situation or your body finally giving up on you from what you had consumed all night. you needed to sit down. hurriedly, you jammed the button to close the elevator door, but a hand stuck out to force it open.

  jungkook was pleading. “y/n, just one second - “

  “no, get away from me.”

  “look, let’s talk! please!” he cried, trying to enter the elevator with you.

  at this point, you were shoving him away. you didn’t care, you needed him out of your face before you began crying. he wasn’t fighting back at all, letting you continuously push him, but didn’t move an inch. 

  “you’re scum to me,” you growled, eventually giving up and tripped backwards from your own force.

  the elevator closed and for thirteen long floors, it was just you and him in that one space.

  “please, let’s communicate - isn’t that what you always wanted for us?” jungkook said and did his best to get you to meet his eyes. “bug, come o -”

  the fire in your eyes was nothing like he’d ever seen before from you. “don’t you dare call me that ever again!” 

  bug was his special name for you, short for lovebug. you used to get upset when he would call you your full name over bug. in that moment, it sickened you to hear it.

  everything began clicking in your head. the way he rarely called you when he was on tour. the slow buildup of disinterest in your wellbeing. going to places that he always went to without you. being secretive of what he was doing on his phone. this behaviour multiplied recently and with another world tour for bts lined up, you now knew why.

  jungkook was living an entirely different life away from you. you just thought he would never have it in him. not the kind and sweet jungkook you met all those years ago.

  you ripped off the tennis bracelet from your wrist, which jungkook had given you for your eighteenth birthday. a look of defeat rested on his face when you hurled it at him, which he didn’t even bother to dodge. he knew he deserved it. 

  the elevator dinged and you made a beeline for the first door you saw. you weren’t even running, but jungkook dashed to meet you there. you let out a cry of frustration when he stood right in front of you, blocking the entrance. 

  “move or you’ll regret it.”

  he ignored you and you instead side-stepped away, using all your energy to exit through the next door before jungkook could realize. he tried blocking you again, but only caught a bit of your force because you were too fast.

  the entire time this was happening, you’d been trying to dial someone, anyone. none of your group mates were answering. you didn’t have any friends that weren’t at the party upstairs. the last resort was your manager, who you were about to call, when jungkook stood in front of you again.

  “y/n, please. i’ll get on my knees if i have to,” jungkook begged and you could see that he was fighting tears. “please, i just want to talk.”

  however, you could also see that jungkook was far from sober. he was in a worse state than you were. a bruise was to soon form on his jaw and his hair was disheveled. it was the lowest you’d ever seen him.

  for a split second, you tried. you wanted to try and see the boy you fell in love with all those years ago. you searched and searched. 

  “what? i’ve asked you for years to communicate in this relationship and it only becomes important after you cheat on me?” 

  jungkook knew he was defeated, but he still looked at you with those same pleading eyes. “i know i don’t deserve you - “

  “i don’t even recognize you!” you interrupted. “i don’t even know who you are!”

  both of you knew that you were right. something went wrong along the way. you were barefoot and exhausted, no longer with light in your eyes. jungkook was pitiful and lost - lost in his fame, in the parties, and from you. 

  that night at hotel azure should have been the end. the storybook fairytale should have been over. in that moment, you would have even moved as far as you could and ran away from the dread of the life you were living. you gave up that night.

  unfortunately, in the craze of the night’s events and the substances swimming in your bodies, both you and jungkook forgot who and where you were.

  TOP HEADLINE TODAY: breaking news! dispatch releases exclusive photos of bts’ jungkook and s.iren’s nova, reveals that they are dating

  you’d been in the big hit company building countless of times over the years, but would have never imagined yourself sitting in their board room with their most senior executives. to make matters worse, several high-ranking representatives from your company sat in the same room, including your ceo and your own manager. at the head of the table were you and jungkook, both stone-faced and unable to look at each other. 

  entering the room, you considered yourself all alone. your manager was pissed off at you. your group mates hadn’t spoken to you since the news broke, except for sooah. she only warned you to make sure that nobody knew you were high when it happened. the last thing the group needed was an additional scandal where their main vocalist gets sentenced to prison for possession. and, of course, you now had no boyfriend. there was nobody there for you.

  “they’ve been building evidence for a long time now, clearly.”

  to make matters more humiliating, the company executives were broadcasting the dispatch article on the big screen in front of everyone. the head of public relations, mr. lee, swiped through each photo released like a slideshow.

  the first picture was you and jungkook outside of your building complex. another was a sneaky shot that barely captured you and jungkook in the same taxi. it went on and on, until the last photo that depicted you and jungkook standing in front of hotel azure, which was less than twenty-four hours ago at this point. 

  after escaping the party and jungkook, you spent the rest of your night crying and throwing up at home. it was late when you left and you knew you couldn’t sleep a wink after what transpired. you tried your very best and it was seven in the morning when you thought your eyes were finally closing, until your phone began blowing up. 

  at first, it was just your manager and you didn’t want to hear about how she found out that you were partying late again. then, not even an hour after, your social media began blowing up with notifications. 

  i was trying to warn you, the last text from your manager read. you realized what she was talking about, as dispatch probably gave the “courtesy” to inform the company before the article went out. 

  you thought about your group members, feeling nothing but guilt. you saw what happened to other female idols, whose dating scandals tarnished their “sisterhood” with their members forever. you were terrified of that happening to you.

  now, you sat in this suffocating board room, still hungover, and your entire future at stake. the only thing you felt regretful about was not just the impact of your choices on both your group members, but the rest of jungkook’s. they were one of the, if not the, most popular groups in the country.

  while the room went over the pictures that were released, you were silent. you long understood the consequences of the relationship and accepted the risk. when the scandal actually broke, though, the fear you felt was unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. on the other hand, jungkook was only apologizing profusely and was in tears. you didn’t realize it until then, but there were also streams of tears running down your face. 

  you weren’t sure what the main reason for your tears were. something told you that you’d yet to process the grief of jungkook’s betrayal because sitting next to him felt numb. last night, only anger settled underneath your skin. now, being inches away from the man you called your best friend and partner for years, you felt nothing. it was almost an out-of-body experience. 

  the only way to not replay every single moment he was with her and not you, was to repress the grief. you pretended like it was invisible and out of reach. with that, you figured the tears were for the innocent third parties that were going to be dragged down by the scandal - the executives in the room, jungkook’s group, your group, all of them.

  “quit crying! we have no choice, there’s too much evidence - we must publicly confirm the relationship.”

  you took a deep breath. right now, you had yet to actually tell anyone that you and jungkook were no longer together. a part of you was too embarrassed to admit that you were cheated on. you also figured that word from the scene at the rooftop party likely already spread throughout social circles. you decided to swallow it down and finally say it aloud.

  this was the first time that you spoke up. “but,” you started, “jungkook and i. . .we broke up last night.”

  the last thing you expected was a round of laughter. you thought you were imagining it, but when you looked up, the board members were indeed doing so. you were suffering enough, but now you were getting laughed at. your fists were balled up underneath the table.

  “are you kidding me?” mr. lee said. “i don’t care. years ago, you and jungkook agreed that, should your relationship be exposed, you would face the repercussions of its reception.”

  “mr. lee - “ jungkook started, but was hushed by his company executives.

  when mr. lee tapped on his laptop again and cut to the comments section of the article, you thought you would see hate comments. death threats, even. but, you were stunned to face waves of positivity. 

  the tone he used, though, was devoid of any. “oh, i love this couple so much,” mr. lee began reading the comments in a monotone voice that only made the situation feel even more of a joke. “wah. they. are. such. a. beautiful. couple. i’m not even mad.”

  you swore your eyes were deceiving you. stealing your first glance at jungkook since walking into the room, he, too, was shocked and his jaw hung low. 

  “talk about a power couple, congratulations! here, someone said: hope this is true, nova is luckiest girl in the world - love this. then, a bunch of good luck’s, and blah, blah, blah.”

  there was a wave of anger when most of the comments called you the lucky one and not once the other way around.

  regardless, the reception of international fans was generally uplifting, which was no surprise to you. what really got to you was that it didn’t stop there - the screen scrolled past dozens and dozens of korean comments that exemplified full support towards the relationship. this was a true mark of positive reception, as they were the fans you feared the most.

  as the years went on and jungkook rose in popularity, you became increasingly nervous about your relationship. you watched so many of your peers receive horrible backlash from fans after being exposed for dating, especially the women. being a female in the industry was hard enough and you weren’t sure if you were going to be one of the strong ones in this situation. 

  “so that your fans don’t feel ‘betrayed’, we are going to let the media know that you have been dating for a few months - don’t even think about telling people that you’ve been together since 2013,” mr. lee announced, which snapped you back to the conversation.

  you dared to speak again. “mr. lee, jungkook and i have broken up,” you reiterated, wondering if nobody heard you the first time.

  he rolled his eyes. “i understand. do you also understand that this reaction is basically unheard of? have you noticed that you’ve gained almost a million followers on instagram?”

  this time, it was the public relations representative from big hit that cleared her throat and stood up. she joined mr. lee in front of the board members, who began murmuring in approval amongst themselves.

  “jungkook. y/n. as you know, the love yourself world tour was just announced. s.irens is also preparing for a major comeback and potential tour. this relationship,” she said, “will be used to accelerate the successes of both of your groups.”

  a chart appeared on the screen. it showed data from the last twenty-four hours, including both group’s increase in social media numbers, streams, and search engine hits. 

  “consider it an exchange for breaching your no-dating clause five years ago. until further notice, this relationship, at least in the eyes of the public, will remain.”

  this had to be a joke. however, you remembered what you and jungkook were. you were idols. you were puppets of the machine that was the korean entertainment industry. chess pieces. no matter how rich or famous either of you got, it all boiled down to this. 

  the fame game was one that was never won.

  jungkook said, slowly, “you’re asking us to date. . .as a publicity stunt?”

  at this, you had no choice. a few individuals in the room, including jungkook, jumped when you shot up from your seat. you rose in order to bow at a ninety degree angle in front of all the senior executives, ignoring how sick you were to your stomach.

  “please,” you began, eyes squeezed shut. “i want nothing to do with jeon jungkook.”

  of course, the decision was already made and your pleas were dismissed. however, you didn’t see the way jungkook watched you beg your company to not force you in a relationship with a man you no longer loved. his mouth went dry and there’d never been such a moment in his life where he hated himself more. he did this. he pushed you to this point and he betrayed you.

  from that moment on, jungkook saw this as an opportunity. he destroyed everything that you and he had ever built. now, the only thing he ever sought from this point on, was redemption.

  even though your companies informed you two that you could publicly “breakup” following a year post-dispatch release, jeon jungkook never lost sight of the redemption he sought. they wanted you to be the so-called it couple of the industry and he decided he would do them one better and make it real. for the next year, jungkook would do everything in his power to win you back.

  LATEST NEWS: bts’ jungkook and s.irens’ nova confirms their relationship! read more about big hit’s response: “they met as friends and the connection blossomed from there”

  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. for clarity purposes (because i feel like the non-chronological format may get confusing), y/n and jungkook get back together during this publicity stunt and are 100% for real dating in chapter 1. the publicity stunt arc is covered in chapters 6-8, as the next chapter focuses on why/how their relationship began breaking down before the hotel azure incident.

[flowerprincesscherryblossom]

angels

pairing: Female Reader x Kim Namjoon word count: 2670 warnings: angst, dad!joon, mention of mandatory military enlist series masterlist A/N: Hello everyone🤗 it's been a long while since i've posted anything but this has been just the absolute worse and i couldn't get my mind behind anything. the title and inspiration for comes from the song Angels by Michele Morrone which i actually suggest you check out while reading this Hope you like it and that you have a wonderful day wherever you are💜

Balancing idol life and private life is a difficult task in itself, matters being made worse by having a secret daughter and a possible relationship with you.

You and Namjoon had been stuck in, what he called a strange version of a will-they-won't-they. You had said that there wasn't a chance for the both of you due to the sense of danger of how people would react, but you had also said that if he was willing to wait for you that you'd give him a chance.

And he did.

He waited until you were comfortable enough to be his once again. And now the both of you acted as if you were in the beginning of your relationship all those years ago, little kisses, small touches, and other stuff.

The difference between then and now was that, before, both of you called yourself boyfriend and girlfriend, now, there was no label. He figured that you didn't want the label, or at the very least saying it aloud because a part of you was still scared of feeling that same hurt all those years ago.

As much as all the hiding annoyed him sometimes, he knew better than to push you out of your comfort zone. One wrong step from him and Namjoon could lose you and Ayeong, and that's something he wouldn't be able to live with.

The three-year absence had done more than enough damage between him and his daughter, so much he had missed - her first words, her first steps, etc. - and continued to miss, all because of how busy his idol life would get, all because he wasn't allowed to be with his daughter as freely as he wanted.

A three-year absence… Something that he was about to do again.

The conversation about whether or not BTS would fulfill their mandatory military service had been around for a couple of years, and now, all of them had decided to go of their own accord.

The members had been surprised that their leader had decided to go, since the first time the six of them met the three-year-old Namjoon had said that, despite the busy schedule he still wanted to spend as much time with her as he could.

He couldn't blame them, and, in all honesty, he felt the exact same.

Maybe surprised wasn't the correct term, he felt more shocked and confused that he had uttered those words without a moment of hesitation.

Back when the 'will BTS go to the military' conversation started, he had said that he would go if called for, all seven of them did, they wanted to serve their country.

But that conversation had started before his daughter was part of his life, before she was born.

It would certainly raise a few eyebrows if he didn't go with them, wouldn't it? Namjoon could postpone it for a little while but eventually, he'd have to go.

He knew you'd be understanding of the situation, you were fully aware of the possibility when the both of you were dating, but Ayeong was a completely different story.

When he met her it already had been three years after her birth, the poor girl hadn't even been aware that she had a father until he showed up at your house. She had become quickly attached to him after that first meeting, and he had tried to the best of his abilities to spend as much time as he could and to be a good father to her.

When he had to leave for another city or country he always made sure to video chat nearly every single day, no matter how much the tiredness of the day grasped at his skin, all because of her.

But now it was different, he wouldn't be leaving for hours, days, or months, he'd be gone for almost three years. By the time he came back, his little girl would be six years old, and he would've missed so much by then.

Life was truly cyclical - he broke your heart, leaving you alone with an unshared unexpected pregnancy, only to come back three years later and find a place in both of your and your daughter's hearts, only to leave again and come back after another three years.

It's like poetry, it rhymes.

It had been hours since Namjoon had closed himself off in his studio, leaning back against his seat and going through each drawing Ayeong had made for him over and over again, with the only sound being the heavy rain hitting the building, raining like the day he reencountered you after three years and the first time he saw his daughter, the depression of the entire situation piercing his heart with each picture.

Namjoon doesn't know how long he's been stuck in this cycle, but eventually, he released a deep breath, cracking his neck and taking hold of his phone to check the time. It was almost ten pm, no missed calls or unread messages waiting for him.

With a sigh he unlocked the phone and sent you a text, asking if he could come over. The three dotted text bubble kept appearing and disappearing for a while before you finally settled and sent a simple one-word message 'k'.

Without much further ado, he stood up from his seat and stretched his back muscles before walking out the door and towards your house.

The only thing protecting him from the weather was a jacket, a hat, and a mask, with two of those things being more to protect his identity from anyone who might recognize him. He didn't even bother grabbing an umbrella, he wanted the rain to drench him, he wanted his outside to match his inside.

A trip that took minutes felt like hours, each step feeling heavier, almost as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his back. He raised his fist against the door and knocked, feeling as defeated as he had been all those years ago when he had been forced to break up with you.

Much to his chagrin, it hadn't been you who had opened the door but Ayeong, who upon seeing him started going up and down on the tip of her toes, smiling so wide and bright that her dimples were showing while making grabby hands in order to be picked up. "Daddy!"

It felt like an arrow had pierced his heart.

"Hi princess," Namjoon picked up his little girl, holding her tightly in his arms as he hugged her, kissing the top of her head.

"Ayeong, I told you not to open the door without me," you said softly as you leaned against the living room door.

"But mommy," the three-year-old said with her best puppy dog eyes and pout on her lips, wrapping her tiny arms around his neck as Namjoon did his best to keep her in his arms as he closed the door and started to take off his shoes.

You simply rolled your eyes but there was a smile on your face. "No buts, what if it wasn't daddy at the door?"

"Ayeong would yell for daddy," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, looking at her father with a twinkle in her eyes, almost as if waiting for him to back her up.

He couldn't deny her. "And daddy would come running so fast to save Ayeong and mommy," he tickled her, stepping away from the entrance and in your direction, the sound of her laughter being music to his ears.

"Please don't encourage her," he wrapped his unoccupied arm around you, pulling you close to him, and giving you a peck on the forehead.

Now that he was close to you he could see that the smile didn't reach your eyes, almost like you were forcing yourself to do it, and there was a twinge of sadness in your eyes, almost like you were close to bursting into tears. That was all the confirmation he needed to know that you had heard of the news.

You pulled away from him and turned to your daughter, bopping her nose. "It's time for bed."

The little girl whimpered, pouting and almost looking like she was on the verge of tears, holding as tightly as she could to her father. Seeing as you remained unmoved Ayeong kept whimpering while her free hand started to hit Namjoon's shoulder, urging him to make you change your mind. Which he did, doing his best puppy dog eyes while pouting as well.

The staring contest went on for a couple of seconds before you finally admitted defeat, rolling your eyes and releasing a sigh. "Fine, you can stay up for a little longer," with that you left father and daughter on their own and walked towards the kitchen.

At the victory, the three-year-old let out a very excited yay, kissing him on the cheek before squirming away from his hold. Carefully he put her on the floor and watched her walk toward her room, going on the assumption that she was going to grab either one of her plushies or the drawings she loved to make for him.

With a deep breath, Namjoon walked towards the kitchen, finding you leaning against the counter with a cup of hot tea in your hands, eyes focused on the liquid as if it contained the answer to all of life's questions.

You looked at him from the corner of your eye before turning back to your tea. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," he leaned against the counter, standing next to you.

Silence fell between you, Namjoon not knowing what other menial small talk he could do, and he assumed you were feeling the same.

So, instead, he went ahead with the important subject of the conversation. "You heard about it?" you didn't need him to explain what he meant, you knew, so you simply hummed. He gave a small smirk, a sense of déjà-vu caressing his skin. "You don't seem surprised."

A small smirk formed on your lips, no doubt feeling the same way he was. "It was going to happen sooner or later."

Namjoon's arm moved from its place on the counter towards your shoulder, his thumb drawing circles on it, pulling you closer to him and kissing your head. You wrapped one of your arms around his waist, leaning your head against his chest, trying your best not to break down.

Both of you stood like this in silence for some time, before he decided to start speaking again. "You're not going to say anything?"

"Do I get a say in all of this?" you said with a dry laugh as tears started to well up in your eyes.

He didn't reply, for what else could be said? Your opinion on whether or not you wanted him to fulfill the mandatory military service didn't matter, he was going to go anyway.

With a sigh you withdrew from him, walking towards the sink and washing the half-full cup of tea. "Do you want me to talk to her?" you asked without sparing him a glance.

"No," he replied with a sigh of his own. "I should be the one to do it."

On cue, the little three-year-old girl entered the kitchen, running as fast as her tiny legs allowed, while both of her tiny hands griped onto a dozen or so papers, no doubt the many drawings she had made in his absence.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy look!" Ayeong excitedly said, jumping on the tip of her toes while flailing her arms.

And he was going to rip that happiness and shatter it into pieces. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Carefully, Namjoon picked up his daughter and held her tightly. "Let's put you to bed," as he walked towards you he wondered, for a brief second, if Ayeong could hear how monotoned his voice sounded. "Give mommy a kiss goodnight."

You leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek, whispering goodnight, and the three-year-old did the same, making extra sure that she wouldn't let go of her drawings.

Once done he walked towards the little girl's bedroom, his steps once again feeling heavier. His mind going in circles on how he would tell about what was going to happen.

In Ayeong's pretty pink bedroom, everything Namjoon did felt incredibly slow. From laying his daughter in her bed to pulling her lilac sheets and tucking her in, something she kept fighting him on as she kept whimpering because of the drawings.

He wasn't sure if it was time, his mind, or himself that made everything feel like it was moving at a snail's pace.

He took a seat on the bed, of which the three-year-old immediately cuddled up against him, and went through each drawing, with the little girl explaining each one. Namjoon decided to be as meticulous as he possibly could, picking at every little thing on each page, just so he could hear Ayeong talk.

Like he wanted to insert the sound of her voice into his mind for the days to come.

After going to all the drawings as slowly as he could, he put them aside on her plastic toy table before settling back on the bed, which his daughter took as an opportunity to climb onto his lap and lay her head on his shoulder as she hugged him.

He reciprocated the hug, doing it as tightly as he could without hurting her, trying his best to not shed any tears.

But as comfortable as he felt, there was a ticking clock going on in his head, telling him that he was running out of time. He was going to leave any day now, and there was still so much he still had to do. He had pushed aside finishing his new album for long enough.

"Ayeong," he said softly, running his hand through her back. "Daddy needs to tell you something."

She lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at her father, sleepiness clear in her eyes. Namjoon took a deep breath, syncing himself up. "Daddy is going away for a while."

"Hmm," the three-year-old rubbed her eyes.

"And…," he bit his bottom lip, his next words feeling painful like he had an incredibly sour lemon on his tongue. "He's not going to be able to see Ayeong for a long time."

She seemed to wake up at his words, and Namjoon could see in her face that she was running what he had said and trying to understand everything.

"Is daddy going on tour?" she struggled with the last word due to her still learning the language, but also because she never liked when he went away, especially when it came to long periods of time.

"No baby, daddy's going to the military and," there was a lump in his throat, it felt incredibly dry. "And he's not going to be able to see or talk with Ayeong for a long time."

The three-year-old probably didn't understand much of what he had said, but what little she did was enough to make her eyes tear up. "Why?"

"It's something daddy needs to do," he released a deep sigh. "He doesn't have much choice."

At his words, his daughter started to finally cry, burying her face on his shoulder and her tiny hands gripping tightly to his jacket.

He didn't say anything for nothing he said could fix what was happening, so he simply held her tight and cradled her in his arms, the tears he tried to contain now falling freely, each whimper and sob from Ayeong piercing his heart over and over again.

Namjoon would have to leave at some point and finish his work before he left for the military.

But not right now, he would leave that for tomorrow morning.

Right now the only thing he wanted was to spend the rest of the night with his daughter in his arms.

[antash]

Loving you's a crime

Synopsis: Taemin would overturn the world for you. So when your life is put in danger, he will do anything to keep you safe. Even if it means confronting his old past. Follow the journey of Taemin and Y/N as they escape from the trouble coming after them.

Pairing: Taemin x reader Featuring: SHINee, Jimin of BTS, Kai of EXO, Taeyong, Ten & Mark of NCT

Playlist

warning: irregular posting, not edited, reader will be described as female for now

Start: 1.16.24 | End:

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˚₊‧꒰ა❤︎໒꒱ ‧₊

The Letter

⤷ Female Version ⤷ Male Version

The Plan

⤷ Female Version ⤷ Male Version

[ourpickwickclub]

This is so amazing! Meghan Patrick is releasing a countrified version of JAG tonight with her new album, and she made a whole BTS YT video about JAG and talking about how when she was 13, she saw Gwen perform and wanted to be her:

"Every once in a while as a musician something or somebody - an artist or a song really impacts you..."

"I remember it was around the time we had started playing in this band I went and saw a show and it was the first time I'd ever seen a a female artist who was not only a great singer great songwriter but an entertainer and I was enamored and I remember watching her on stage being like holy I want to be her and that woman was Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and so after that my band and I we all became quickly obsessed with No Doubt and we covered a lot of No Doubt songs..."

She starts talking about G at 2:40

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLmRw9q8TLY

I’m a new fan of Meghan! Love her comments about Gwen.

— M

[katnisspeetaprim]

Wedding Day

One shot version of the wedding for the Always, Us couple.

Warnings: established relationship, female reader, idol!au, swearing, alcohol, public sexual activity, oral (m receiving)

Word Count:1455 M.list

The big day was finally here, your wedding day. Well.... Technically you and Yoongi were already married, having eloped together much to the disappointment of your parents, so you wanted do it this way too, just as a formality.

Even though the ceremony wasn’t something you were rushing to do, getting the perfect dress was always a childhood dream.

You could already feel your emotions building up as you left the dressing room. Your mom and group mates gasped in excitement when you stepped in front of them, the attendant fanning out the bottom of the dress for you.

‘Oh honey!’ Your mom gasped out, tears already forming as she took you in. ‘You look beautiful!’

Your members all nodded in agreement, all too stunned to speak. You looked down, suddenly becoming shy.

‘I know it’s not a traditional wedding dress, but I love it.’ You ran your hands over the expensive material. It was baby pink, and was covered in a mesh adorned with flowers. Definitely not traditional , but you never were someone to follow the crowd.

‘Who cares if it’s traditional!? You look so amazing Y/N!’ Yuna stood up and excitedly grasped your hands. You were both practically jumping up and down at this point.

‘You’ve always had such good taste! I can’t wait to see our bridesmaids dresses!’ Chi and Mallory squealed in delight. Yoongi was going to love this dress you just knew it.

Hopefully he would feel the same about your wedding night lingerie set.

‘Aish.... Why am I so nervous today?’ Yoongi shook himself out in an attempt to calm himself. Usually he would be the one to keep it together, but that morning he’d forced everyone to get ready at the crack of dawn, when they didn’t need to be ready till at least 8AM.

‘Hyung, you’re already married! You weren’t nervous the first time.’ Hoseok shot the older man an unimpressed look, not even hiding the fact he was annoyed at his early wake up call that morning.

‘It’s not the same! That was just us...’ Yoongi groaned out as he fixed his hair for the hundredth time that morning.

‘Yoongi.’ Jin appeared behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Relax. Today is about you and Y/N.’ Yoongi looked at his hyung through the mirror, before taking a deep breath and nodding.

‘Hey.’ Jungkook knocked on the open door, drawing attention to himself. ‘It’s time.’

Yoongi stood at the end of the isle, with the other 6 BTS members at his side. Usually, weddings had the same number of groomsmen and bridesmaids, but it would feel wrong to walk down the isle with anyone other than your members in front of you.

Yoongi felt the anxiety bubble up again when the music started to play, but this time it was the good kind, butterfly’s.

He turned and his breath hitched in his throat when he finally saw you. You looked simply stunning as you walked arm in arm with your father. You were holding back your own tears as you focused on Yoongi doing the same.

As you reached the end of the isle, Yoongi bowed to your father who in turn, offered his hand to shake.

Your father was a hard man to please, but he’d always said you did good with Yoongi.

Yoongi took your hands in his and kissed your knuckles.

‘You look beautiful.’ He whispered in your ear so nobody else could hear him. You blushed deeply at the compliment.

‘You look handsome too.’

Your ceremony went by in a blur. Everything went off without a hitch, apart from some paparazzi apparently trying to get into the venue, but your security dealt with them before they even got past the front gates. You were now about halfway through the reception.

Your heels had long since been disregarded under one of the tables so you could go crazy on the dance floor.

‘Yoongi! Come dance with me!’ You’d bunched up your dress and ran over to Yoongi, who was sat down talking to Namjoon, glass of whiskey in his hand.

You grabbed his arm and pulled him. Yoongi whined in fake distress.

‘Yah~ I’m fine here.’ You took the glass from his hand and put it away from him.

‘Come on!’ he threw his head back and groaned, but smiled and got up anyway.

Near the end of the night, you and Yoongi had managed to sneak away to the gardens of the venue, so you could have a moment together.

‘You should have put your shoes back on before coming out here.’ Yoongi chastised when he saw you wince after stepping on a rock.

‘You try wearing heels since 8AM!’ You scoffed as you sat down on the bench, and started rubbing your sore foot. Yoongi sat close and leaned in for a kiss. You smiled into him and stroked his arm. Pulling away, you lay your head on his shoulder. He’d removed his jacket now, so he was just wearing his thin dress shirt.

His hand gently stoked your bare arm, goose bumps forming under the cool night breeze.

‘I’m glad we did this.’ You whispered, bringing your hand up to his chest.

‘Me too.’ He kissed the top of your head, your delicate hair having long since come loose.

‘Honeymoon time?’ You joked, moving to sit up. Yoongi laughed.

‘You and I both know we don’t have time for that.’

‘Well we still have tonight.’ You smirked, leaning in to nibble on his ear lobe. Yoongi shivered and threw his arm round the bench. You took the opportunity to pepper kisses along his throat, drawing out a low moan from the man.

He suddenly lunged and pulled you to straddle his lap. You could already feel his semi hard member pressing against you.

You eagerly leaned down and kissed him feverously. Yoongi brought his hands to cup your bum as your tongues meshed together. He moaned when you unconsciously ground down on his member. He trailed his hand up your body and slipped it inside your dress, squeezing your breast a few times before he chuckled lowly.

‘Shit... You’re making me so hard.’ Yoongi breathed out.

‘That’s the idea.’ You laughed breathily, gasping when he rolled your nipple between his fingers. Yoongi smirked against your lips.

‘We should stop.’ You groaned against him, but got off anyway.

‘Fuck.’ He mumbled, trying to adjust his member to a comfortable position. You smirked and licked your lips, before running your hand over his bulge.

‘You know, nobody will come out here. I could help you out.’ Yoongi knew he should say no, that you had a wedding to get back to, but a man has needs. You quickly unzipped his pants and pulled his dick free, instantly taking it in your hand. Yoongi hissed when the cold air hit him, but threw his head back at your touch.

Slowly, you jerked him for a few moments, before leaning over and licking along the shaft. Yoongi couldn’t stop his whines as you took him in your mouth, licking him with your tongue as you bobbed up and down.

He pulled your hair from your face as you sucked him, moaning into the air as you hit the sweet spot over and over.

‘Fuck. I’m gonna cum.’ You smirked around his dick, already knowing he was close from the way he was bucking his hips. When you didn’t pull away, he sped up his movements, knowing you would take it all.

‘Fuck! Yes!’ Yoongi cried out and held your head down as he came, his seed shooting down your throat. You choked slightly when he hit the back of your throat, but you still swallowed every drop.

You were still connected to Yoongi’s dick with a line of saliva when you pulled away, so you quickly wiped at your mouth and sat up with a smile. Yoongi looked fucked out. His arms were spread out on the back of the bench and his head was thrown back as he breathed heavily.

‘You always give the best head baby.’ You scoffed and pushed him jokingly.

‘Put your dick away. We’re in public.’ He flashed you a gummy smile as he began to laugh.

‘Oh so now you want to be modest?’ He cringed when he realized he would have to put his dick back into his pants wet. He needed to find a bathroom fast. Before that though, he turned back towards you and placed his fingers under your chin, before leaning in to kiss you.

‘And don’t worry.’ His sultry voice whispered in your ear, making you shudder. ‘I’ll take care of you tonight. In every way possible ’