#bruh what do you mean its a hobby???

[macsimagines]

kazutora, hakkai, and izana or anyone you like are going to visit their darlings apartment for the first time! uninvited and without her knowledge but still exciting! but when they get in there its like empty as hell. one room apartment and not counting the kitchen that came with it her only piece of furniture is her bed...maybe has a couple magazines laying around, and a phone thats just plugged into the wall sitting on the floor. this is beyond minimalist bruh what is going on? does she actually live here? where are her clothes??? under the bed maybe. babygirl you alright?

cant relate ive got so much weird shit in my living space but let me give this a shot.

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MINORS DNI, BROKE-ASS DARLING, BREAKING AND ENTERING

Yandere!Kazutora Hanemiya

Ok so this loser was so excited to break in and learn so much about his soulmate only to be crushed at the barren emptiness. He was so sad for you.

He wants you to have everything your heart desires and he feels like you don't have what you rightfully deserve.

Gifts, gifts, and more gifts are flooded your way. He's giving you clothes, handbags, posters and plushies. Anything you showed slight interest in he's getting you some kind of merch.

You try and tell him that you really don't need all this stuff, but he doesn't accept that. "You deserve it. C'mon, just this once?" except once turns into twice and a hundred times more.

That's not even the brunt of it, he's got his own special room he's decking out and making just for you when he decides its time for you to come home with him.

Yandere!Hakkai Shiba

So he isn't the breaking and entering type, but after failing to initiate a conversation with you, for like the tenth time in a row, he decides it's time to try a different approach.

His sister and Taka-Chan both told him to try and take an interest in your likes, that way when he tries to talk to you he'll have something to talk about, except he doesn't know what you like and he resorts to this.

So shocked and defeated when he finds nothing. Not one photo, not one hobby, not even books. Just magazines and he honestly doesn't really understand what the interest in those are either.

But he's smart and finally has an idea. He invites you shopping- and by that I of course mean his sister invites you shopping and he tags along like an overgrown guard dog.

Sure Hakkai may not speak the whole time or even make eye contact with you once but he does swipe his own card every time you go to the register to pay for something.

Even though the fool doesn't even respond when you tell him thank you, you don't miss the way he blushes when you try to speak to him.

Yandere!Izana Kurokawa

He wasn't planning on breaking in either. But he was bored and he wanted to see if there were things you were hiding from him. Like maybe secret friends that meant he wasn't the center of your world, or maybe plans to move away and leave him.

It was more about his own insecurities than anything so when he breaks in and sees nothing in your apartment at first he's worried that his fears are right and you really are going to leave without a trace.

But then he looks more carefully, and realizes "Damn, bitch. You live like this?" Is more bemused than anything, but after while starts to feel a little bad.

"I need clothes. Do you need clothes?" He's going to try shopping with you. But then you hit him with that "Naw, my socks only have a few holes in them."

Drags your ass to the mall. "Pick out some damn furniture, Y/N. I know you ain't got shit." "How do you-" "I said pick out some furniture, Y/N."

[romsabombs]

GUYS the new malevolent is insane so i just thought i'd drop my notes in here✍️ ENJOY it's a lot

freaky ahh cavern

😦😦😦

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

the man is bathed in darkness👹 john thats racist

mf literally been crucified this is so arthurs religious trauma

that is not what bones sound like i think

shes so me awful posture

me at 4am in the kitchen looking for a snack

WAIT oh yuck :/

HAHA THEY'RE IN HIS NOSTRILS

PRINCE MENTIONED

car accident thats so season 1

this is kind of like a hat in time maybe

omgg a witch :3

arthur survives the wildest shit but i think a mcdonalds sprite would kill him

AAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK!!!!😨😨 YUCK YUCK EW EW RAAAHHH

WHAAAAAT

cant we only do allat to corpses

omg spit it out john

YEAAHHHH HES DEAD

🤭🤭🤭YIPPEE I KNEW IT

omggg thats so janey :33

hes bein puppeted by the maggots thats crazy

STOP TELLING HIM TO KILL THINGS HAHA

omgg kaynes dagger <33

how can this mf be helpful

this is so tmp a bit

rotten flesh mentioned minecraft ref

HAHA WHAAT THATS SO GROSS

the maggots be like i have your fucking eyes👹👹👹👹

OMG WHAT THE HELL zombie arc

claustrophobia again

imagine harlan recording this

omg that's so sexy 🔥🔥 decapitated his ass

HAHA WE'RE ONLY 11 MINUTES IN??

LMAO john stop saying things

YES JOHN it WOULD have been helpful to know this guy didnt have any eyes

"this isnt new york anymore" thank god amiright

his head between our legs🤨

its so funny how he calls it a pinky. didnt someone on tumblr say john wouldnt know finger names

im surprised arthur still has a shirt

the flesh feels stiff😟

this guy is still alive😦 or. dead. i guess

arthur is like weirdly normal about this guy being a zombie. i know hes seen shit (no he hasnt) but come on

faroes song ☹️

YEAHH PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTHH💪

oh what😐 the prince🙄

what did he sayy

oh gross come on guys😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 at this point just put it in your own mouth

"id like to think this is the most insane thing we've ever done" 💀

teehee they dont wanna seperate :3

YEAH! AND FAROE

"everyone we've ever loved" weak. also john doesnt care about anyone but you

"we cant afford to not use every resource anymore" HAHA this is so funny because didnt you throw away everything youve ever owned last episode

yippee welcome back vanguard :3

nothing😟 WAIT YIPPEE :3

WELCOME BACK VANGUARD‼️☝️

omg names mentioned

wait. yorick? llorick? thats the thing arthur said

its not lorick that was the guy from the dreamlands

WOAH WAIT WOAH HUH

hey what the fuck did that mean😀

omg what. rumpelstiltskin

HAHA hes so loser

OMG wait they said stanzyck right

ofcourse anna is dead bruh we were never gonna meet her

arthur and john both being "kings"😟

this tooth is so silly🥰

everyones walking over arthur today💀

they're so miscommunication <3

hey😀 hey whats that sound

DONT SAY IT ugh the prince

"ahh yes :3"

OH😨😨😨😨 A WHAT

SHUT UP🗣️👹 HAHA THATS SO SILLY

this guy is so kayne. and a bit autistic

wait r we just carrying around this skull

bro arthur sounds so tired

ooo this would go hard as a cosplay

i cant believe he has a belt

EUGH YUCK😦

ooo the black stone perchance?

ok i guess not

omg god forbid a girl has hobbies🙄

"im not saying its not risky. what im saying is, it might be worth the risk" that line goes hard

arthur agreeing to this is like a dad saying "okay fine we'll go to mcdonalds🙄"

no reward without risk✊💥

"we're in the lion's den already" "it is a hag's womb👹" HEHEHE

HAHA SILLIES HEHEHEEHE🤭🥰

oooohh johnn 😶‍🌫️

OH 😦 ohhh 😀 u have his memories

clever girl

"thanks yorick😐" "you too my king🤗" "shut up🙄👹"

yorick is so me absolutely no sense of social cues

ofcourse we'd encounter a witch here it was so obvious

"try to keep straight" pff

did john say im serving

hey yeah maybe dont go towards the light😀

LMAO LOOK AROUND? foul

when is the jumpscare happening

i have no idea what he's saying

"too much to make out" MAKE OUT?🤭

LMAO he doesnt know

pregnant meat☹️⁉️

hey i thought asking the vanguard questions would have a price🤨😀

imagine if he just crushed that zombies skull like its a good thing we just decapitated him

hes literally describing my room

you're my eyes☹️

they're acting as if the lighter would give us much light

omgg shes a little interior decorator

tapestry lore!!💪

five minutes left whats gonna happen

wuh ohhh somethings gonna happen

THE STAIRS ARE GONE!!!😬

ur literally in her home leave her alone

his ass is panicking

this is so part 18 the madness

we're trapped :( :(

"ingenious decision king🤓" "SHUT UP👹"

SPRINT!!!!!! 🏃🏃🏃🏃

OH???? 😦😦😦😦 WHAT

IMPALED???M???MNFJREJSJ HUHH

--

omggg he got marcy'd

i saw fanart of this but i lowkey couldnt tell if it was a spoiler or not💀

hot take but if he got bitten by that zombie he could prolly survive this

HUHHH bro this is like part 27 the roots. he was less dramatic about it this time tho

bro yorick finally shut up💀

sooo where did he get impaled. like if in the heart hes cooked😬

[chaotic-iguana]

bruh.

what. what the fuck.

writing started off as an exploration; a hobby that i was just trying out. something new, to pass the time. but i feel like it has now evolved into an extension of my art. over time, my stories starting having more and more elements of the poetry-inspired commentary i like to have in the forefront of my paintings, or very simply the imagery i used to include in my poems themselves.

but that isn’t even the best part.

i’ve been writing for around a month, and i absolutely adore literally every single mutual i have on here. @breakfastatjoels, @mandoisapunk, @josephquinnswhore, @bastardmandennis, @nostalxgic, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @theywhowriteandknowthings @millerscoffee

you’re all such inspirations im so glad to know u all thank u all for existing i gen would not have kept writing/still be on this site without yall and i promise im wrapping up i just think its a little fucked that im…gaining traction? how? and the crazy thing?? that list of ppl tagged up there are like just the ones i could remember off the top of my head!! there’s so many more! @imherefordeanandbones, was my first follower and the first on my taglist, and one of the first people to make me think my writing was actually not that bad for a beginner!!

anyways while i literally question everything and melt in gratitude, i hope you all have great days. thank you very much. let’s hope we see many more!!

enough sappy shit.

as a celebration, im gonna write fics, blurbs or hcs (saw/nsfw) based on the following prompts:

this is from @havenoffandoms 800 follower celebration! just send me your character pairing and prompt. list below the cut

“I’m in love with you. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“It’s really not that complicated.”

“You’re in love with them, aren’t you?”

“We could get arrested for this.”

“I thought you were dead.” 

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Love is overrated.”

“If you think I’m going to talk to you while you’re dressed like that, you’re wrong!”

“Do you ever actually use your cellphone?”

“You don’t need to protect me.”

“You fainted… right into my waiting arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“You have to make a choice.”

“You have to remember.”

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

“You know, it’s okay to cry.”

“You lied to me!”

“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

“You need to wake up cause I can’t do this without you.”

“You’ll be the death of me.”

“The only thing hotter than seeing your orgasm is seeing your smile.”

“Where do you think you’re going dressed like that? Your body is for my eyes only.”

“From the minute I met them, there was no choice. They’re smart. They’re strong. They resent their parents enough to go for a person like me. Also they’re crazy hot.”

“What do you mean, I’m not scary? I literally nearly scared the life out of a man?” “You literally scared a little saliva and a little urine out of him.”

“When someone your age dies, you instinctively want to hear it was of something that could never happen to you. Well, it’s the same with divorce.”

“I get to stay home and plan the death of Dora the Explorer. Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into the Candy Cane River.”

“You don’t ‘take a run’ at a person. You woo them. You make them feel special.” “Hey honey, look at this. It’s a picture of my butt.”

“I don’t like you.” “I’ll get over it.”

“You’re one of the most beautiful person I know, and you don’t even know it.” “No, I know it.”

“Why do you always have to throw wet blankets on my dreams?” “I do not.” “Yes you do. And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.”

“So you’re gonna throw me under the bus?” “Oh, I’m gonna throw you so hard I might even win a stuffed animal.”

“Who wouldn’t be angry if you ate all the cereal and faked your death for three years?”

“Quick, catch the cat it stole my coin pouch!”

“I feel like I was just hit by a car… wait, I did? And it was YOUR car?”

“I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people.”

“So why do I have to punch that guy?”

“I may have accidentally sort of adopted five goats.”

“I hope you know that my name is actually _____”

“Please stop petting the prisoners.”

“Please put me down, it’s just a sprained ankle.”

“So what if I broke my arm, I’m still doing it.”

“Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?”

“I’m like 75% sure this won’t explode in our faces.”

“You know how my people are, we would destroy ourselves just for spite.”

“Wait, is that what you were trying to do? I’m sorry, I would’ve taken you much more seriously if I knew.”

“Let’s not blow the extortion charge out of proportion. My boss was just a sore loser.”

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

“It’s illegal to make unauthorized species. But it’s also illegal to kill endangered species. Thankfully, I only did one of each.”

“The secret ingredient isn’t human flesh, that’s all I can say.”

“Where’s the king?” “He’s being chased by a wyvern. It’s an old tradition, you see.”

“If I serenade for you, will you strip for me?”

“This is new.”

“Make me.”

“Shh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.”

“If you steal the blankets, I’m going to put my cold feet on you.”

“Don’t be stubborn. Try it.”

“You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.”

“I heard you talking in your sleep.”

“The thought of losing you scares me.”

“Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”

thank you. love you all.

[sugarcryztal]

Hey! I really like this account and the stuff you have been doing. May I have a SFW romantic CRK, MHA, or Mystic Messenger matchup?

I go by He/Him pronouns and I am gay (MLM). 1 am 5'5" and chubby. I have my hair cut short and plan on dying it soon. I often wear piercings, using only ear piercings. I often wear nice button ups with sweater vests or just horror movie shirts.

I would describe myself as introverted, but not necessarily shy. I am a very blunt person, which has caused some people to like me while others don’t. Though I just prefer to relax alone. I am overly cautious with myself and the people I love due to conditions I have lived with. So, I accidentally come off as too paranoid. I am intelligent and often love literature and media because of it. I am very much an artistic but also a writer.

I like spicy food, world building, fantasy stories, sci-fi settings, coffee, cats, supernatural stuff, RPGs, niche RPGs, TTRPGs (not just d&d), vintage wear, good cooking, taxidermy, rocks, horror movies, horror books, card games, niche history, niche internet cartoons, old rock music, metal music, unique art, stop motion, and anime.

I dislike overly sweet foods, the "I ain't reading all of that" or "it ain't that deep" type of person. anybody who thinks cartoons and/or horror have any real substance to them, minimalism, most romance movies, toxic positivity, and people who chew with their mouths open.

My hobbies are media dissection, writing, playing TTRPGs (both as a player and a GM/DM), drawing, playing video games, making them too, binge watching horror movies, and collecting vintage items.

I’m just going to do Mystic Messenger so if you want another fandom you can just resubmit with a different fandom you want!

I’m going to match you with . . .

Yoosung !

- okay I don’t like Yoosung that much but I am going to TRY MY BEST!

- When he first met you he was probably lowkey intimidated because of how blunt you can be and he’s a very sensitive guy.

- But he was determined to be your friend because you looked like you needed some! (not in a bad way)

- A while after being friends, he’s stuck to you like glue!

- He grows to admire how intelligent you are especially when it comes to media dissection! Because that’s a rare breed now.

- HATESSS toxic positivity! But that’s just because he likes giving genuine and straightforward compliments! Especially if it’s for a special cool person such as yourself!

- In his pining stage he probably starts to steal certain articles of your clothing when you aren’t looking. Most likely one of your sweater vests.

- Also becomes a lot more touchy, while making sure you’re comfortable of course!

- But when I say a lot I mean a LOT! Like at every greeting and farewell he hugs you and when you guys are walking together he wraps an arm around yours as he claims it’s so “he doesn’t get lost”, but I think we all know the real reason.

- When ur in a relationship:

- I’m sorry when I say this… But he probably chews with his mouth open because he’s trying to talk and eat at the same time. You’re going to have to be the one to tell him to swallow his food before he talks. 😭

- On another note, COFFEE DATES ARE A MUST!

- He doesn’t really like coffee though because of its bitter taste, so he orders hot chocolate instead thinking you don’t notice and spoiler alert, you do. 😭

- HE WOULD NEVVVVEEERRRR say “I ain’t readin allat” or anything like that because he is your #1 simp bruh. He IS readin allat!

- Takes your feelings seriously to because again he’s a very sensitive guy. So you will never hear him invalidate your feelings because why tf would he?! You are entitled to feel whatever you want!

- Also likes playing games with you. I don’t know what they’re called, but you know those meetings or cons where they all gather to play? Yeah he goes with you to those.

- He never knows what’s going on though, poor Yoosung 😭

- Confused, but happily cheering you on because you’re amazing!

- Boundaries with him are also important, keep in mind he’s mentally ill and will probably cling to you a lot more. So you will have to ask for space when you need it because he doesn’t get subtle hints.

Yoosung whines. A lot.

You were trying to get out of bed to start getting ready for a meet up with game friends, but he wouldn’t have it!

“Don’t goooo!” Yoosung whined. He was upset because you couldn’t take him with you this time. So to prevent you from leaving, he had his arms wrapped tight around your waist. You didn’t listen, standing up from the bed and kissing his forehead softly. But he wasn’t giving up!

He stayed with you through that whole morning, trying to constantly put his hands on you, but you would always swat them away when you were doing something!

Eventually you were preparing to leave and he was at his wits end. He tested out one last trick.

That’s how you found yourself passionately kissing your boyfriend, he was not giving you any room to even speak. It was kiss after kiss. You gently nudged him away with your arms and he whined loudly, immediately going back in for another kiss. Soo… Now you had to cancel your plans.

sorry it was short!

08.22.24

[todaystarot]

Just like the fs pack too

I'm so done and tired with all these bs🙄

Especially all the people who's so obsessed with their fs this and fs that, when will he/she come? This month/year? What time and date?? And asking all that bullshit

Like bruh, stfu

How can people don't work their inner child, inner teen, inner trauma and love themselves until universe see you're ready and send your fs alignment ???

That's not how its work when you're obsessed and waiting for your fs to save you like a prince w a white horse saving you from the bad dragon like in disneyland😔

Oof I wrote such a long answer to this, but it got deleted because I got a like,, I am taking this as a sign to shorten my answer.

I honestly feel like your expression of this is unnecessarily mean, but I completely understand your frustration, especially if you are a reader.

I personally don’t really care too much future spouse readings either, because the only one I am interested in is mine lol. I do think it could be worse though.

Most people asking those questions are either bored or have already worked through major issues they were recently facing or battling.

You constantly learn and heal of course, but it’s okay if they wanna relax with learning about their future spouse.

I personally hate self, shadow and ‘how to heal’ - or something along those lines - readings because I can learn and go through my issues myself and usually people cannot read my energy properly either. Surely, there’s people who can relate to that in one way or another.

Considering everything though, you probably mean those obsessed ones who read future spouse pacs everyday right? And ask the same question several times to the point it’s unhealthy just to make sure everyone says the right answer.

To be fair with you, they most probably have an addictive personality.. meaning they get addicted to things easily. - though, you can work on this. I am not defending those who actively damage their health on purpose. -

In a community like this they were set up to fail.

Think about it, there’s a few type of tarot readers.

1 Those who genuinely adore and have an interest in tarot, understand it deeply due to studying it a lot or having experience.

2 Those who learned tarot not as a hobby but to gain money, but they are still very sincere and studied before opening a blog or youtube channel in order to not mislead anyone.

3 Overly sweet tarot readers, who exaggerate in order to gain people’s trust, but at the end they just want money.

4 Tarot readers who ‘keep it real’ but in reality fake asf bc they lie in your readings because their mentality effects their intuition

5 Tarot readers who really like tarot, but it’s not their calling bc they are gifted in something else.

All of these people post pick a cards, or at the very least answer free questions, host games and giveaways. Obviously, I am not judging, I am obviously a part of this community.

The thing is, since these people have an addictive personality they read any pac that sounds interesting regardless of whatever reader it might be from.. they might like it and read more for more dopamine hits, they might dislike it.. and then they can’t complain because of ‘if it doesn’t resonate leave it.’ Sometimes, it actually doesn’t resonate, and at other times the reader just let their intuition be effected by unrelated things. They can’t complain, because they will be viewed as toxic. Tarot is meant to be taken as a grain of salt after all.. it’s one of the “rules” of it. Besides, if they hate then the reader might get harassed, which is irresponsible and bad. They might block and move on with their day, or potentially go and read more pacs to try and hit more of that fleeting pleasure of dopamine. Then eventually, because of consuming too much things they will be confused on what’s accurate and what’s not. They no longer can pick a card, picture, crystal, figure or number. You get the gist. So they go on to ask questions in games, on blogs that answer questions for free and so on.

You know, what’s the kicker though?

They don’t realise that the future spouse they read about 6 months ago and today are different.. until they do. And their new addiction will be asking about them.

So, ultimately, this is a much more deeper issue than just “oh this motherfucker is annoying”.

That’s why I personally don’t want to be mean to them, I don’t want to judge them because even if they are slowly self sabotaging there’s much more to them that I don’t know. Besides, we can never truly know who is obsessed. Maybe it’s their first time asking, out of boredom.. to “test” intuitive people or because they are starting to be interested in tarot. Thousands of people, thousands of reasons.

No snow flake is the same shape.

So, yeah future spouse questions annoy the hell out of me too sometimes but everyone is a little bit like them. Some people are obsessed with career readings, financial readings, school readings, self readings, 18+ readings, spiritual gifts/dr readings, future self readings, inner child and so on… At the end of the day, we all have a preference.

At the end of the day, we can be oceans and skies apart but we are in the same community.

I do like your comparison to ‘waiting for a prince’. It reminded me of how Fiona waited for prince charming her whole life just to end up with Shrek. She was happier though, so that’s neat.

Either way, I am not disagreeing with you, I just like discussions.

[animealways]

spoiler warning for marcy journal

bruh marcy and her fangirling

Now its pretty obvious she had a crush on them granted i don't think she was in love i think it was one of those middle school crush where you think so highly of someone the feelings just become stronger but at the end of the day you will get over it

Its also pretty obvious matt loves teasing us but he also deleted a tweet on Twitter saying they're in love so he clearly doesn't want to ruin anyone headcanon

Then there is the ending of the journal and how they became more distant but still had contact with sasha and anne

Now i personaly can see all the calamity trio ships happend from sashannarcy to marcanne but my personal favorite is sashanne

Now before someone comes after me hear me out

Its makes storywise just more sense marcy entire character arc is about accepting that anne and sasha don't want what she wants so if sashanne ever became canon it would really have solidefied that marcy has become her best self

People say its unfair because anne and sasha get their happy ending while marcy is left as the third wheel but i think this is good for marcy

She had always felt like she never belonged anywhere while anne and sasha are now taking part of her hobbies marcy herself said they were only doing this for her not because they like it

Not even mentioning that the people at her school already have a certain image of marcy so she isn't likely to make new friends without some extra trouble

So in a way moving away was the best thing that could have happend to her she relied too much on sasha and anne and because of it she never made any other friends wich is why she went as far as she did

She got a blank slate she came out of her comfort zone without having her past troubles stand in the way of her becoming better and her new life

It would have been for the best if she build a life for herself away from anne and sasha cause she would have found her own happiness i rather have her end up with anyone that isn't sasha or anne because even if they tried its obvious marcy hobbies aren't what sasha and anne are into

Hobbies are apart of you its why it hurt when people make fun of your hobbies it tells you they wouldn’t accept you and the things you love and it can really make or break a relationship

After all if you're only able to talk about how much you love each other that relationship isn't going last long a relationship is just like friendship but deeper

Of course I have my own biases in this but i think it would have been a great message to send to the younger generation this show is intend for

Its no secret the differents between older and younger generation are bigger then ever and well they say nothing is more important then family it often isn't like that and sadly thats the truth for alot people

It would have been a great message that just because the people you start off with are important to you it doesn't mean your happiness is with them you can still have a bond with them without getting involved cause sometimes its just better for you

[jxnmzko]

OMFG i found the email to my old tumblr and it made me sad like i used to be a lot sadder but i think ill keep this one as well. I think its cute to look back on things no matter how sad it is but it kinda did make me reflect and i did some digging on my own feelings and where they root from and honestly a lot of them root from me not feeling like enough/ anxiety/ feeling not pretty enough/ not chosen/ or things aren’t fair why is this happening to me mindset. no lie it helps coming from a friend and a therapist who isn’t biased and brutally honest. sometimes i do overthink and maybe this whole process of me trying to do better is stupid bc i always tend to come back to old ways but fixing those ways isn’t linear. I really sat there and thought okay why do i think i can’t achieve the things i want? well i don’t believe in myself since im not consistent. Why does it hurt that im not necessarily chosen for by specific ppl? even a few months ago id go on insta and check up on this person and find out who they were talking to and compare myself like why? because i dont like what i see its that easy. I can change that though, it’s not like i completely hate myself because i do see beautiful aspects. I think im beautiful some days but the things i don’t find beautiful im able to change weight wise and i think that’s where my focus should go and especially on other aspects of my life job wise while focusing on my little hobbies. I know im kind hearted because i dont hold hate for anybody or any grudges and thats something difficult to do,

self concept and self confidence are so different and i need to build confidence in myself by doing the things i say ill do. i’m 23 bruh i can’t be stuck in skin that i dislike, im fully able to change those things and even move if i want. Sometimes i think back to when i was speaking to my therapist and told her my desire in life is to move to seattle and live in a small apartment with my cats and she was like okay so do it! let’s make a plan so you can move within the year and it freaked me out so bad bc everyone thinks im joking and she actually took me serious.

and i especially can’t feel sad because my desires don’t match hers. We could have so much in common like music taste and anime and all types of shit but our desires aren’t the same. I can appreciate their existence from a distance and hold those things in my heart while accepting that fact. i feel childish bc the thing i lied about was lowkey embarrassing So i think i can hold that cute memory to myself and appreciate they pushed me in certain ways like getting on the highway even tho they don’t know they pushed me to do that and i can also be proud i opened my heart the way i did w getting them thoughtful gifts/my time/ etc. I know they mean no harm especially since our last comvo did upset me but ik they r getting through life for the first time like i am but they overstepped and made me feel like a last choice.

anyways i’m proud of myself for not going on insta in a while and ill def delete this too now. Tiktok is debatable like i gotta time myself maybe because it doesn’t help me at all, it’s constant comparing n doomscrolling. i gotta take care of myself bc no one else can or will :)

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

bruh thats literally how i feel about so many hobbies and interests yes we have to have some type of talent to make it in this world but i think the way its pushed on society from a young age means its less relstsble for people who are now older. with all these younger groups what am i supposed to be "attached" to the members about yes some of them are going to be attractive but im 30 this year. music groups, brand items, even classes for learning new skills have become so out of touch with reality it seems to forget theres a bunch of people who cannot access them for varying reasons. take ticket prices for example or merch for anyone to enjoy kpop or any music group it is investment to the extreme.

where im from if i were to want to see ateez for example, id have to travel 4 hours by train to london which cost over £100, book a ticket that cost £300/400 bc you dont want the crappy seats then you need hotel, travel fees to get to arena, then youll want merch and you still need money to get back home. so im sorry to any new group even if theyre decent but us older music fans are going to get left behind eventually as most things are about gen alpha or whatever the fuck theyre calling the new gens.

so much stuff really isnt worth it unless you can afford it :/. thats y less is more, seventeen for example way too many members how they all going to get paid if they converts costing half someones wages?

i get these kids need an income of some kind and they have talent ngl but when we gonna say enough is enough. i even looked at the likes of greenday and maneskin but im not forking out that much to go enjoy some music. just listen to it for free on youtube or watch their concert from someone elses videos. its practically the same type of experience u just arent there physically at the concert lmfao. same with buying items do we really gotta have all the latest junk bc its relevant? no. if i could barely manage the 00s without uggs i can do without a stanley mug or lululemon bum bag.

Honestly, exactly. And even in my generation (Gen Z), most of the people I know don't really have those things or can participate in them. Like, concert tickets are so fucking expensive, and I get it, the artists are in high demand and they need to staff the stadiums and fly them out and all that shit. But it's just that most people can't afford them nowadays. However, I can admit I do know OF people who could fly from Cali to New York just for an idol's concert. And with Seventeen, most of their money comes from music sales I believe, and there are other factors contributing a lot to their pay. Honestly, I agree with you. The idols have to make income, because again, at the end of the day it's their job, and I'm sure a lot of people who like going to concerts can afford it. That's their prerogative.

But like you said, hobbies are getting so expensive nowadays. Like there are people spending thousands just because they want to win a fan call with an idol, or people spending thousands on albums just to get photocards. Of course, those things aren't exactly the norm, and most people don't do that, but it's still just wild.

[kosi-annec]

[HAIKYUU!!] Season 2 episode 3

Yachi ur gay panic is acting up hun

Eh?? Is that allowed? Or were they ABOUT to rent the bus but were told it's been borrowed already

"gotta send your future kids to college" boi his kids are currently the karasuno team lol

Omg those dumbass simps HKSHSKSH

... that's not wat she meant you numbskulls

Bruh they straight up just forgot bout her opening up 😭

Yachi's mom doesn't look too bad, but wtf are the animators doin with her lips?? It looks weird on a side view profile

Uhh i dont think calling ur mom "ma'am" is normal?? Yachi be feeling some pressure huh

EYO LETS GO RANDOM GLASSES GUY, CALL HER OUT ON HER SHIT

C'mon, tsuki if ya keep thinking like that then ya how do u expect urself to win?

I mean, no one really likes losing so, no other choice but to win ig. Plus, even if its a practice match and it isn't the real thing technically, if ur not taking that seriously then how do u expect urself to succeed in doing the real thing?

I love watching a bunch of extras just talk bout karasuno like living legends or something lol

Yachi, hun, this is kinda what u signed up for lmao, get used to it

LMAO KIYOKO 😂 no need to roast his self image

YAS LETS GO KAGEYAMA! Aced that set!

Oh come on tsuki u don't look like u even trying bud

LETS GO HINATA!! SHOW EM YOUR WINGS!

Goddamn it was a 9 point gap, bet they could've gotten it even wider with a bit more practice

Yachi i understand u having a Moment™ but i wanna hear what plays kageyama has been in

Lmao, they're a lil confused but they've got the spirit

... hhhh yachi... The mom def needs to have a heart-to-heart with her or so help me, from just these few interactions alone i can tell the mom hasn't been as emotionally present in yachi's life recently. Her self pessimistic talk def stems from her mom

PFT- god imagine hanging out with someone like hinata irl, it would be the most chaotic and hilarious moments of my life

DAMN i was not expecting hinata to just out right say "ur mom said something didn't she", he didn't even make it sound like a question, he was positive it was. The only time he actually met her mom was when he straight up was bout to leave. Hinata may be an idiot, but he's not dumb; he can be surprisingly perceptive

LMAO hinata, no that's not- god he can tunnel vision very stubbornly lol

YASSS YACHI, STAND UP FOR URSELF GIRL

WAIT- NOT WAT I MEANT HSKSHSK ya could've had this talk more privately but ok 😭

Good the mom is being supportive and helping her daughter out

Damn yachi! She could take a bit of a hobby in photography

Of course yachi is gonna join, she did all that work with the posters how could she not? Plus, the plot demands it lol

Ah yes, the dread every student feels when exams are over n have been checked

[mistergoddess]

never should have smoked that shit now i am dead serious going to move to nyc if It All Works Out... fuck... this is going to be Thing I Am Scared About #1 for the foreseeable future. but it's good :) it's very scary and will be very challenging with my Issues surrounding moving and major life/environment change always being a big trigger for the autismdepressiontrauma megacombo but umm :'))

idk i'm not like particularly passionate about nyc itself which is definitely something people cite as something u need to Make It there but i think it's a cool and good place and end of the day it is just a place . and i like cities, about as much as i like countryside (and i hate cities about as much as i hate the country...) so it's like. the Most city ever (well in this country at least) isn't it. so that'll be interesting. but most importantly bruh idk i'm just. young and have never left my home town and am relatively untethered... no pets no career no partners no real friendgroup car's on its last legs anyway hell i really don't even have any major furniture i'm attached to and need or even find valuable (the one piece of furniture i do find valuable and am attached to is just way too fucking massive to ever work anywhere in ny period so... rip. at least selling that would help expenses, and literally everything else i own is trash) so like.

this is the time man. i cannot just spend my entire life in my hometown and i cannot spend my entire life in the south this is The Time to get out into the world and get some worldly experiences and like having a friend in Big Important Culturally Lush City who may have a roomie slot opening up, which can help me get my feet under me easier than if i just tried to do it solo, is an opportunity i'd regret turning down for the rest of my LIFE like this is it it is The Time Of My Life where i am Supposed To Do Things and Get Out There and here it is and i gotta do it and i want to do it and i CAN do it (and i can afford to do it!!!!! i have Toiled with a capital T for my savings and shit like this is exactly why) so i'm 100% gonna do it but omggg :'))))))))))) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......... i am but a lil ol southern boy... i am but a little fucking creature who does not know shit about shit...........

but the only way to ever change that is to Get The Fuck Out!!!!!! and big big city with literally anything you could imagine is such a good social and career prospect like. my city is truly very decently sized especially for the south we're one of the bigger/more major/noteworthy cities but also we're a pretty Crappy city compared to other big cities even in the south, like the social scenes and activities options here are a little meeehhhh and the career and economic opportunities here DEFINITELY mehhh so it'll be amazing to be somewhere with so MUCH where any culture or interest or subculture or hobby you can think of is represented and where any food or activity or manmade type of place to see you can think of is represented and where even a little fool like myself could find their way into some seriously cool work opportunities that could mean so much advancement in like skills and experiences and income...... and just like... god this is such a horrible term but literally networking!!! not in a BIG BUSINESS kinda way but just meeting interesting people who can help you and teach you and inform you and connect you to more interesting opportunities! wahh...

and i don't have to stay forever is the beautiful thing if it sucks i can hit da bricks and i think once i've made that initial breakaway to Leave Home like selling my car (genuinely even if i stayed here forever the car is on her way out so what better thing to do than move somewhere where car is not necessary... like if i stayed the car would fucking die anyway and then i'd be in the awful position of needing another one bc you can't not have one here so yeehaw selling her for moving/travel funds and being somewhere that's far less car dependent is the most auspicious move) and my furniture and putting my remaining possessions i can't bring with all at once in storage, then i'll be in a crazy good position to jump off from that point and go other places, maybe even the places i AM specifically personally passionate about and yearn for... so like... i'm GONNA do it...

but it's mad scary for real :) I Have Never Done This Before :)

[necle]

Maybe its partially a coincidence, or not that big of a deal. But as I watch this series, Momo’s choice of words and decisions kind of worries me a bit.

(yes I know Momo mentioned he only dogeza one other time and that was with Yuki. But doesnt change he suggested him doing that just last episode, albeit with more powerful people. Even Ryo said “This doesn’t feel rare coming from you”).

The way he willingly offers to puts himself in harms ways and tries to sacrifice himself to protect those around him is a surprisingly amount of times (its not something I noticed immediately, or had written off for reasons related to situation’s circumstances. But seeing this keep happening over time, at least compared to other characters…). And while nothing luckily has come of it yet, its been a pattern since Second Beat. Who knows how long has he has been doing this before he’s been introduced.

Even when he made the deal with Ryo, he doesn’t even bring up protecting himself. Just Yuki, and only him.

In general, Momo is really kind and generous person that goes above and beyond to help those around him (offered his MC spots to Mitsuki to promote i7′s show; helped his NEXT Re:vale guests / costars when they were nervous; gave Yamato advice and a safe space to talk; the times Re:vale has helped TRG and IDOLiSH7 including recommending IDOLiSH7 to the Zero Arena Inauguration manager, covering for i7′s show when Riku wasn’t feeling well, the gifts they given to i7 despite them dealing with their own problems, offered Iori & Mitsuki and Yamato a place to stay until they can sort out their group problems without question, some undisclosed stuff Anasagei mentioned that they helped with TRG, etc). But when this is coupled with the more extreme cases referenced at the beginning, he is very selfless to a concerning extent. Not saying he does it on purpose like a death wish or martyr complex. But it certainly feels there is not much trace of concern for his own well being.

Momo had say Ryo was the “master of psychological attacks” and we know exactly what Ryo aimed for with Yuki (which is a lot more concrete and explicit). But I wonder if Ryo is also aware about that side of Momo, and had tried to play into that when he offered that deal with him.

And if it is (because it feels really subtle), is Momo aware of it? Or is that something Momo does know about himself but still does so regardless?

Luckily, nothing serious has resulted from it yet and probably wont for a while since their subplot got resolved last cour and this cour at least seems more focused on TRIGGER and ZOOL. But I don’t know if this is meant signify a certain personality trait within Momo or allude to something that happened in the past.

It might mostly stem from him not making his dream of going to the soccer nationals and viewing old Re:vale as his saviors, so he genuinely feels like he has to devote his life to Yuki and others. But the fact we haven’t seen how Momo and Ryo exactly met, or what happened for them to be such ‘close friends’ makes it difficult to rule out some things. Especially since Re:vale’s rep is being known to be from the small agency that rose out of poverty.

To summarize my thoughts and questions (with the most hella ambiguous response from Momo):

[keepermcge]

Wishlist 

- More WOFF Char’s/Anon’s

- Lann healing people

- Also him buffing people and or using offensive spells 

- Lann playing with peoples hair/vice versa

- Lann having/getting a parental figure/older sibling 

- Someone giving him a pet 

- Someone holding him and telling him it’ll be okay! 

- Just anyone loving Lann! 

- Giving him compliments 

- Giving him piggyback rides

- Loving him! 

[malleux]

Hello!!! May I request The DCKZ with a professional ice skater s/o (she/her)?

Remember to eat, stay healthy and stay hydrated :D

professional ice skater s/o.

-> diluc x fem!reader, kaeya x fem!reader, childe x fem!reader, zhongli x fem!reader ; could be taken as a modern au because i mention instagram but you could also just ignore that because I also talk about visions idk

-> warnings: none

a/n: im so out of the loop do y’all know how long it took me to figure out what dckz meant? i had to google it bruh

diluc

Diluc was more or less indifferent about it, at first at least. You ice skated, so what? so did Kaeya. He didn’t really see anything special about it, just that you were apparently way better than Kaeya could ever be.

His mood definitely changed when you became a couple and he first saw you perform- his eyes were wide and visibly sparkling, much to his disdain and his brother’s teasing delight.

You were just so… beautiful. The way you glided around as if you were some weightless angel on the ice was enamoring and soon enough, Diluc became a regular at your performances, competitions, and even just your basic every day practices. He came under the guise of bringing you lunch, but everyone knew from the way he practically lit up seeing you that he just wanted to watch.

The lunch was a nice plus, though.

Super, super sweet after a rough practice. He’ll lay you out on your stomach on the mattress of his bed and start with your shoulders, rolling out any knots and soothing the sore muscles before making his way down until he reaches your legs. He’s extra gentle here— they’re the most sore— and even will ghost small kisses among the back of your calves and thighs. Smiles when you let out a sigh of relief.

Diluc may not be the biggest outward supporter of you, but it’s moments like those, behind closed doors, where you know just how proud of you he is and just how much he loves you. He’s not going to hold up a giant sign (unlike another person in this request) professing his undying love and support for you, but you get the message all the same as he meets you after a performance with a bouquet of roses in your hand, a kiss to your temple, and a quiet “you did amazing”.

kaeya

Swear to God, I see Kaeya as the type to secretly be a good skater too, even if he's never had any professional training. Whether it be a natural talent or because its just some secret hobby that was easy to do with his Cryo vision handy, you would never know. But somehow, he can hold his own on the ice. Might even pull out a few spins or leaps just to get a little reaction.

Very proud of you, to the point that he's humble bragging like Zhongli but much less humble. Zhongli is like "Ah yes, my girlfriend is a professional ice skater she's very good" whereas Kaeya is like "My girlfriend is a 100x gold medalist and she's better than your girlfriend in every way". And he means it wholeheartedly.

Skating dates are a MUST. When he first met you, he used your shared hobby as a conversation starter and it's nice to take you to do some relaxing skating instead of it being practice. He finds it nostalgic and he often reminisces on when he first met you and tried to woo you with his own, much more mediocre, talents. He wasn't sure if it was that that snagged you as his partner or his undeniably good looks and charm (jokes, obviously, maybe?), but whatever it was, he was glad it had worked.

Literally loves it when you try to teach him new things. He picks up rather quickly and looks absolutely gorgeous when he finally gets a skill. You love seeing the smile on his face as he asks if you saw his trick. It grows even wider when you pull him in for a little kiss, as if to thank him for taking such an interest in your passions.

Kaeya will 100% use his vision to create a little patch of ice in the water and pull you onto it with him for some cheesy little romantic moment. You roll your eyes and act like you hate it, but the smile that grows on your face always says otherwise.

childe

Ah, yes. The aforementioned Mr. “Holding up a giant sign professing his unending love for you at a performance”. Tartaglia himself.

As the name suggest, Childe is, and will always be, your most outwardly supportive boyfriend. It’s almost like he does it partially to embarrass you— finding the most cheesy puns on the internet to write on the signs, screaming like the maniac he is the minute you take to the ice and even more so once you’re finished, a giant 5’ teddy bear and roses and candy waiting for you, the whole nine yards.

You have too many giant teddy bears. You beg Childe for a smaller alternative. He refuses.

It seems superficial, like something someone would do only do to post on Instagram and then ignore their girlfriend for the rest of the night, except it’s not. With Childe, it’s 100% real. He did it out of the love in his heart and it’s shown not only in the gifts he showers you with.

It’s also shown in the way he picks you up and spins you around after each performance, holding you as tightly as possible and thinking to himself, ‘I’m dating a Goddess’. It’s shown when he takes you out for a nice dinner afterwards, telling you about all of his favorite parts of your performance with animated motions and bright eyes. He probably could clumsily recreate it in that exact second if you asked him too. He just pays that much attention. It’s shown in the smaller things too, like how he just knows when you’re stressed or nervous for when you go on without you saying anything.

When that happens, his hands find your shoulders and rub gentle circles on the blades. His cheek rests on your head as you lean your back into his chest, a sigh escaping you as you wrap your arms around yourself. He joins you, wrapping his own arms fully around you and kissing the top of your head, whispering small words of encouragement. He gives you one last kiss of good luck before you’re on the ice.

zhongli

Zhongli is what one would call a “humble bragger”. He doesn’t intend to make every conversation about you, but you’re brought up a minimum of five times to anyone he’s talking to. He can’t help it, you’re always on his mind.

“Y/N likes this…” “Y/N does that…” You cannot be friends with Zhongli without acknowledging your existence. It just doesn’t happen. He’s gonna cancel any plans he has on your performance or competition days so he can watch. Archons damn whoever has a problem with it.

Zhongli is also the type to take a huge interest in ice skating and do what he can to learn a lot about it in order to make conversation with you about it. He might also ask for you to teach him some things, gaining a newfound respect for you as you gracefully navigate the ice while he stumbled around like a Moon Carver did when he was first learning to walk in his little deer form.

Slowly but surely, Zhongli is able to get better at skating and even begins to take you on dates in the winter to frozen ponds and public skating rinks. He's definitely not as good as you and it can be quite embarrassing for you to just show him up with your skills, but, like Kaeya, being able to see you skate freely without the stress of perfecting your routine before a looming deadline was enough to make him forget that.

[mitskikissme]

I need to talk about this or I'll explode but bad habit but steve lacy is such a sanuso song. I'm going rabid rn.

I wish I knew you wanted me???

That's definitely from sanjis perspective maybe post timeskip

Here's my hc( mind u I'm in water 7 rn and have not caught up to op yet!!) Spoilers for water 7!!!!!

Okay so usopp most definitely admires sanji and his strength and how he seems very sure of himself the way he presents himself to others the way he talks the way he fights everything!! (I actually think sanji is pretty insecure but is vry good at covering it up. But usopp doesnt rlly see that and just sees him as this super cool suave dude) bro definitely has a crush on sanji for sureee

But usopp also seems very insecure and believes hed obviously never have a chance so even tho it hurts him he comes to terms with the fact that nothing is ever gonna happen there. Like when u have a crush but ur like yeah no way in hell am I ever confessing <3

Anyway sanji is most likely oblivious to all this lmao. He definitely treats usopp better compared to other male characters and I think its because deep down he likes usopp too he just doesnt know how to process those feelings cos man is repressed as hell😭. So he thinks yeah that's just normal friendship definitely doesnt mean anything that I'm always worried about him and enjoy his company more than anyone elses and make snacks specifically for him and take into consideration what stuff he likes or wants to protect him in fights or takes time to ask about his hobbies and is genuinely interested in what hes doing and believes in his abilities even when usopp doesnt believe in himself.

Also listen during water seven when usopp and luffy are fighting the fact that sanji kicks them both and looks so genuinely scared and hurt that luffy implied usopp should leave makes me so insane. And personally I never thought sanji would be the voice if reason I expected him to be like yeah usop let it go and stop trying to disobey your captains orders so It threw me for a loop cos sanji was so adamant on not letting usopp leave and was standing up for him. I am foaming at the mouth btw Anyway

The 2 yr timeskip happens and usopp gets jacked but also matures and grows and I love him so so much he realizes so much about himself and oh yeah also crush on sanji? Bros over it. Hes moved on and is okay being friends and just personally dealt with his feelings and grew in such a healthy way for himself. Like yes it hurt, change and growth are painful but inevitable and time passes. Feelings change and that's okay.

Sanji grows and matures too and comes to accept alot of things about himself and is more comfortable in his own skin and identity! And he starts to realize zamnn usopp has also grown and changed and bettered himself and has such a lively air to him and overall is more confident!?

Then maybe someone in passing (like zoro) mentions something like oof too late loverboy that ship sailed so long ago hella missed ur chance. And sanji malfunctions!!!

Hes like um what?????!?!?!

They're like um yeah it was so obvious hed always follow u around like a lost puppy and sanjis like um this is news to me bruh???? Anyway it hits him that yeah he had a chance. As in had!! Not rlly anymore and he has to come to terms with that.

AND SO I TELL UUU

'I wish I knew you wanted me' also " were you not too good for me my dear?" Like come on its writing itself tbh. I feel the song is in sanjis perspective thinking about how he never realized usopp feelings and how he genuinely cannot believe that usopp had feelings for him considering how much more insecure he was pre timeskip and how he sees usopp as such a caring and loving person and is actually a little bit jealous of how emotions seem to come so easily from usopp. So maybe if they were both mature and not so emotionally stunted/ repressed/insecure in themselves, maybe just maybe??? Something could've happened there.

This is all just my hc so take it with a grain of salt LMAOO. I actually like to imagine them happy but oof I'm a sucker for angst!!

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND HAD THINGS ABOUT DYNAMITE TO SAY AGAIN

"theyre really gonna make me watch hager. theyre really gonna do me like this. the opener is hangman's slot, fuck outta here with this."

"undefeated! bruh, this bitch only had three fights, and the last one was a dq cuz he can't keep it above the belt. that ain't something to be proud of, that's literally doing mma wrong."

"this man is a dumb, transphobic cunt." - this one wasn't a joke, it's just true.

"wardlow is just a great big boxer boi, huh."

"this is booooooring, fake mma is boring. regular mma is boring and it's literally one of my hobbies!"

siobhan upon getting even more bored: "i'm gonna make tea in honor of... this. its just honey for wardlow and a whole bottle of vodka to forget." me: "how is that tea?" siobhan: "ill use icecubes shaped like leaves. it still counts."

"i still think i should be allowed to hang with kingston for just like ten minutes. that's all we need to cause significant property damage."

"i need someone to clip darby yeeting himself at someone, but add the song wrecking ball."

"i am still manifesting hook's shoulder-waist ratio. can you imagine? those shoulders and my tits. exquisite."

"who hasn't won a fight with the clever use of zipties?" *darby proceeds to lose* "alright, fine, *I* have won a fight with the clever use of zip ties."

"small arn better wrestle in those goddamn loafers."

"kris is the best friend with custody of their single collective braincell, right? right? you're not agreeing with me. why aren't you agreeing with me?"

"i have no notes, this match was perfect, i would die for all of these himbos and the alien."

"peter avalon should be the leader of the wingmen and the fact that he isnt is a hatecrime against me, personally."

"i just think, personally, this callis character should be murdered. and in case this is ever used as evidence in a court of law, i am making a joke, but also callis isn't real, so." *several seconds of googling later* "oh he IS real. huh."

"wrestling sure is kinky, huh?"

"i just think that hook and his dorito shoulder-waist ratio should wrestle, not small arn."

sitting up straight and yelling, "HEY, SMALL ARN IS VERY GOOD, ACTUALLY? DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?"

"i take back the joke about about loafers, i like this young old man."

"when does andrade debut, why is he not in a ring wrecking shop right this instant, why am i not watching andrade."

"i do not care for the blondes. they bore me."

apropos of nothing, during a commercial break: "did i ever tell you about that time i snapchat'd running from the cops? like i was recording them while they chased me through a park, right? i dont remember why, i think i was just walking home and walked by a crime but i dont fuck with bacon so i booked it. that's like the same energy of joey janela. joey would snapchat running from the cops."

"they havent booked penelope vs jade cargill because they know i would absolutely cause major flooding in this region and don't want that on their conscience."

"oh, she f l e x i b l e."

"miro is so menacing and terrifying, but he could honestly talk my goddamn pants off."

"if anyone hurts vickie i will lose my goddamn mind. i will riot. i will drive to florida and wreck a bitch."

"santana and ortiz are my favorite tag team, i want it on record. they're good boys, brent."

"shut the fuck up dash." - she couldnt remember which was dax and which was cash

"oh they're still doing just the one women's match a week, huh. i see how it is. does tony just not like women?"

"i looked up smart mark sterling and unfortunately i would die to protect him."

"i want to fight jade. in both the horny and non-horny way."

various names shes called the young bucks because she refuses to remember their name(s): buckaroo bozos, mikey and nike, buck offs, jim and the other one, the fraternal twins, steel panther, matthew 7:21 (and i quote, "it's the only verse i remember that isnt the cold steve one), knob jackson, the fuck outta here, frat boys, alter boys, not this dumbass again, mrs. jackson's greatest shames, discount lucha bros, horse girls

"what the fuck do you mean karl is the older one?!"

"i like kaz. let him do like one murder, he's earned it."

"put penta in a dc movie, you cowards."

"go back to impact, leave my son eddie alone you fucks."