#bruce willis or something idc

[petracozbi]

I'm finally came around to do my own Trolls HC list-thing (most are Branch related cuz he's my favourite):

Branch has almost perfectly trained senses from living and surviving on his own in the wilderness; he's got a very sensitive nose and he can easily hear the smallest movements even if they're fairly far away, etc.

Poppy makes sure to at least make a little noise when approaching Branch, as to not catch him off guard, since he had a tendency to get lost in thought when he feels he's in a safe and secure space, and can lower his defences. Kismet does the same (they're found family to me idc)

In the beginning, the bros found it kind of annoying/confusing how Poppy would start getting louder and yell out Branch's name every time they were getting close to him, probably shrugging it off to her just being a very hyper and overexcited girlfriend. It wasn't until they got to experience first-hand how Branch reacted when they suddenly just touched him while deep in thought, and let's just say, after having their arm pinned behind their back and a sharpened stick held to their throat a few too many times, they learned to give a heads-up.

Branch needs glasses. He stopped wearing them after Rosiepuff got eaten to fully avoid any connection with Brozone and his boyband persona. He's not completely blind and can still get around, but he relies mostly on his other senses (which also got way more sharp because of that), and has to get up close to see things in detail.

A HC I think I shared before: Branch is freakishly strong, but doesn't look it at first glance - He's very much humbled the bros (especially JD and Bruce) with this fact, when they try to wrestle him into a headlock to give him a nookie or a Wet Willy (JD and Bruce) and he just won't budge (Kismet knows to not even try) or when they want to help him carry something and they almost collapse under they weight when he hands it to them.

Besides being his vehicle, Rhonda is also JD's (unofficial) therapy animal.

Clay can't swim. He never learned since he spent his entire life in either the trolltree or the abandon golfcourse. When Bruce learns this, he takes it upon himself to try and teach him, but to their shared frustration, they both (Clay and Bruce) discover that Clay is apparently deadly afraid of open waters.

Bruce also didn't know how to swim when he first left the trolltree. He got washed up on vacay Island, having been staying afloat by holding onto a branch. The vacationers taught him how to swim.

JD can cook circles around most trolls. He did most of the cooking back in the trolltree 'cuz Rosiepuff was a horrible cook (referencing her apparently rancid-tasting fluffleberry cake), he also taught (Sp)Bruce how to cook, but never got around to teach the others 'cuz they split up. Bruce later incorporated some of JD's recipes into the menu at the restaurant.

Branch's tastebuds are pretty hardened (some might say almost nonexistent), and trolls tend to assume it's from his survival years, where he'd just eat whatever as long as it was edible, didn't matter what it tasted like. In reality, it's mostly from solely eating Rosiepuff's cooking for like maybe a year or two after the band split up (yeah that's all it took to mess them tastebuds up for years after). Ofc in the beginning, he had to force himself to even put the food in his mouth, but he did it 'cuz he wanted to make his grandma happy.

Kismet was formed shortly after the bros left. It was Rosiepuff who encouraged Branch to socialize with other trollings around his age, since he became very closed off after the split (tho' I think he'd been a pretty shy and quiet kid to begin with (with the exception of when he performed as Bitty B))

Branch used to get bullied (more) for his greyness as a kid. Kismet would chase them off.

Although Branch is not as forgiving either, Kismet 100% holds a grudge for the bros leaving Branch - the Snackpack too, when they also learn what happened.

The bros are absolutely bewildered by the fact that Branch is dating the Queen, and that he'd probably one day be King. Branch himself gets very anxious when they mention this; just the thought of that much responsibility and being in the spotlight like that has him sweating.

Bruce's favorite way of annoying Branch is to tease him about his and Poppy's relationship, asking him when he can expect the wedding invitations and some nieces or nephews. In reality, it's probably Poppy that proposes in the future, with a long, romantic and heartfelt speech ofc (and yes, he cries).

That's all I got for now

[house-on-sand]

outing parts of my rp responses to the public bc they make me insane :/

idc if this doesn't like match everyone's interp of him this is for me and i like it

let it be known that there is not much that makes the red hood waver – not much that makes him doubt himself, or feel chastised, not in the way that huntress' glare does. it reminds him of a time before his death, when his most pressing concern was fitting in at a new school surrounded by people who'd always been privileged, not simply uprooted and transplanted into the life like he had been ; everyone, the students and the teachers, seemed to know what he was, like they were bloodhounds who could still smell the grime of crime alley on his skin, no matter how much he scrubbed away at himself. they knew he was not one of them, there was no silver on his tongue from being born into old money – no new money blood in his veins, hungry for more and more power ; he was born with a different kind of hunger, one that his peers and teachers would never understand. all the fancy clothes that bruce could buy did not stop his teachers from looking at him the same way huntress was, like he was doing something wrong (here, in this moment, he think he is doing something wrong, but that was so rarely the case before). the hand holding his gun shakes, not so much that it'd be visible to the average person, but enough to further irritate him — he relaxes his arm, lowering the gun from where he'd had it aimed at her. "sorry –" the young vigilante pauses, shifting his weight from side to side. he finally slips his gun back into its holster, deciding for the moment, that she isnt a threat. the truth of his reaction tastes bitter as he admits to it ; he hates the way his anger is uncontrollable sometimes, hates how its easier to respond with violence over reason. when he's finally alone later he'll try to ignore the thoughts that tell him he's just as bad as willis, he can't argue with them anymore. not since he clawed his way out of his grave, not since he woke up on the edge of the pit ; his temper has had a hair trigger since he started his second chance at life.

[reginalusus]

The right attitude and I love you and you are so brave.

Ok, I know there are people who would shoot me for saying that and that's fair or whatever. But.

Ok, listen, if you want. IDC, I just want to write my thoughts somewhere, lmao.

One of the things that allures me to Harvey and Jason's (potential) relationship is the fact that Willis Todd... was not very nice. I'm sorry, but I really don't think he was a great dad. At least in the New 52 - but that's just how I read it personally.

I reblogged a really, really good Tumblr post analysing Jason's relationship with his not-so-great dad, so go and read that if you haven't. The evidence is there that Willis was just... not very nice.

Harvey's dad was also very shit (do you see where I'm going).

And, by the way, yes, it's a very messy situation in that Harvey killed Willis. I'm not justifying that. Willis was still some poor chap that was trying to make ends meet and Jason has the right to be angry; he still loved his dad I think, or wanted to, much like Harvey wanted to love his. They both wanted to be loved by their problematic fathers (again... do you see where I'm going).

I've seen people (one person) say that because Willis took the job of being one of Harvey's thugs out of desperation, that means that Willis WAS a good dad and he was willing to do anything for Jason and Catherine, and therefore he SHOULDN'T BE CRITICIZED AT ALL.

That's... fine? If you think that, you go, girl. I just don't, I'm sorry...

I do empathize with Willis in this regard, but it's no excuse to neglect your son and treat your wife like shit. To me. I'm sorry that I don't like the guy that beat his wife over not having cigarettes in front of a child...

BTW if you don't like this view, that's fine. There are many, many faucets you can go down upon looking at comic characters. That's the beauty of it.

"But you have Harvey bias." Yes, I do love and defend the middle-aged, suicidal acid attack victim, hm, yes, but I cannot fight fate nor do I want to in this regard, lmao.

But, do you see it. Do you see the angst and drama potential between these two MFs.

Can you tell I want them to bond over their parallel trauma, even though they are both emotionally fucked. I'm just so evil like that.

Two men who have both been let down by Bruce, by Batman, by Gotham, who both have been 'reborn' in some fashion, and who both used to stand for something in Gotham, to instil hope back into it, despite how it destroyed them, have so much in common that they could be a force, but are halted by the fact that they are forever connected because of something awful that Harvey did years ago.

It's just a dynamic that I find very interesting, IDK.

And yes, yes, there is some self-indulgent stuff with it, like the fact that I just love making Harvey be a big fucking embarrassing dumbass father figure who doesn't really know what he's doing because Jason is a ball of trauma himself.

Plus, I think Jason could be the child Harvey never had, or whatever. Harvey couldn't have kids. He tried with Gilda before and it didn't work (Eye of the Beholder is the Harvey origin I always mostly go by, yes). So I think, with Jason, Harvey could have that sort of relationship even if Jason, to his right, doesn't want to indulge in it.

Jason himself is closed off. He doesn't indulge in his feelings. He's just like: "Ok, Dent, whatever, can we get pretzels now before I go home."

Jason can be argued to be Bruce's biggest failure, but he could be Harvey's greatest success... maybe.

Yes. I understand it's kind of a twisted situation. But I think that's right at home in DC.

Listen to It Has To Be This Way by Jimmy Gnecco if you'd like - not only is it a banger boss theme from the MGS series, but it's an EXTREME Harveycore song in terms of lyrics, but it ALSO suits Harvey and Jason's dynamic, at least my vision of it.

Anyway.

That's all I'll say before they find me and kill me.

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch 28-34

“Alucard, you’re the laziest vampire on Mars.”

So, I’ll be wrapping up the “D” arc in this post.   Previously, we saw a squad of Millennium goons commandeer a British carrier.  Their leader, Lt. Rip Van Winkle, has a musket that shoots magic bullets that can change direction in mid-air.    Also, Integra cut her own finger and made Seras lick the blood off.    As for Alucard, he’s been binging medical blood and taking a nap.

This is all to set up a one-off gag where Alucard has a dream similar to the one Seras had back in Brazil, where she was visited by the spirit of her cannon, which looked a lot like the guy who played Lord Harkonnen in the Dune movie.   Not the new one, the one with Sting in it.    Not the wrestler Sting, the musician.  

I don’t know why, but the spirit of Al’s gun, the Jackal, is Bruce Willis, but then Bruce gets killed by another guy who looks like Muldoon from Jurassic Park?  Maybe?   I just googled Muldoon and he doesn’t quite look like I remembered, but there’s no point to any of this, so let’s just move on.  

Aboard the H.M.S. Eagle, now renamed the Alder by Milennium, Lt. Winkle has painted a swastika on the deck and she’s taking a nap in the middle of it.  Her team is all holed up inside, and they talk about how they’ll never be able to venture out in the sun again.   This seemed like a continuity gaffe to me, but then this one dude points out that unlike them, Winkle is a werewolf.   So that’s why she can go out in the sun and they can’t.  

Maybe the Hellsing Ultimate anime covered this, and I just missed it, but when I watched that series in 2016, I found it strange how there only seemed to be two werewolves in Millennium: The Captain, and Warrant Officer Schrodinger.   And yet, Schrodinger speaks of his fellow werewolves with some pride, as if there were more than just two of them, and it turns out that this was what he meant.    Rip Van Winkle’s a werewolf, and I’m starting to think Zorin Blitz must be a werewolf too.   

And that explains a few things, because the real inner circle of Millennium is those four characters, the Doctor, and the Major.   Their 1,000 soldiers are vampires, but their leaders are not.   Like the guy in this scene observes, Millennium’s vampire corps are “mere rookies” compared to the werewolves, and that’s why they’re the ones the Major put in charge.   

This also puts the Dandyman in context.   The Doctor seemed to have high hopes for the Dandyman, but he failed to put a dent in Alucard.   I never understood his confidence, seeing as Winkle and Blitz were stronger, but now it makes sense.   The Doctor’s been trying to perfect artificial vampirism for the last fifty-odd years.   Dandyman represented the most powerful vampire he could produce, and he paled in comparison to the real thing.    Millennium’s werewolves are far more capable, but I don’t know if the Doctor had anything to do with them.    Even if he did, his success with them is unrelated to his vampire research.   

Also, Rip just looks... different somehow.   Maybe I’m grasping at straws, but her design might be intended to evoke wolf-like features, as opposed to vampiric features.   Well, I’ll worry about that later.

In England, Sir Integra barges in on the British Navy HQ and all the officers there take offense. They seem to find the idea of vampires ludicrous, even though Hellsing is an official government agency and has been for over 100 years.   Their commander, Vice-Admiral Shelby Penwood, asks her to stay, but it’s like his subordinates don’t even notice this.   He’s a pretty weak leader, is my point.

The Navy insists on handling the Eagle crisis without Integra, so she lights up a cigar and observes them in action.   They send some helicopters to check out the carrier, but Winkle shoots them down with her magic bullet.   It quickly becomes apparent that nothing can get close enough to the Eagle without getting destroyed, and since the Navy won’t listen to Integra, she withdraws to her own HQ to consider a proper strategy.   

The fundamental problem for Hellsing is that they need to get Alucard or Seras aboard the Eagle in order to neutralize the threat, but vampires can’t cross running water.   A boat is out of the question because it’s too slow, and an aircraft would be shot down by the magic bullet.    But there is one aircraft that can get the job done...

So Integra arranges to launch a modified SR-71 Blackbird.     Comics fans will recognize this as the plan the X-Men used in the comics.   I don’t know if they still use it.    At some point it probably stopped being cool, but in 1999 it was cool enough for Hellsing.   Strictly speaking, the Blackbird in this comic was heavily modified by the RAF’s research and development teams, so it’s practically a whole other aircraft.   The main point, though, is that it’s a reconnaissance plane, capable of flying at speeds of Mach 3 and at altitudes of 16 miles.  Unlike Sir Penwood’s aircraft, this one can approach the Eagle high enough in the air to avoid enemy fire.

Below, Rip Van Winkle appears to sense Alucard’s approach and seems to have a panic attack over it.   Me, I’m just wondering why Hellsing wasted precious time having their cutesy logo painted on the tailfin of this plane.  

So how the hell does Alucard plan to get the plane down without getting shot at?   SImple, he doesn’t.    He just nosedives straight down onto the carrier, and what does he care if the plane gets shot to hell on the way down?   

A lot of this arc is just badass shots of this crash landing, and the ensuing carnage.   I’m skipping a lot of beautiful artwork, but there’s really nothing going on beyond “Alucard crashes his plane onto an aircraft carrier.”

Once he hits the ground, Al releases his restraints to Level 1, the same level he used against Luke Valentine, and he goes to town on Milennium’s soldiers.    Rip Van Winkle keeps whimpering about Zamiel, which is a reference to Der Freischütz , a German opera about a huntsman with a musket that fires seven magic bullets.   The first six will hit whatever the huntsman aims for, but the seventh belongs to the Evil One, Zamiel, who can guide it wherever he pleases.   

Winkle flashes back to a coversation she had years ago with the Major, who recognizes her musket as a reference to Der Freischütz, and he warned her to remember how the opera ends: With Zamiel coming to claim the soul of Kaspar.   Rip is terrified because it doesn’t take a genius to see how Alucard’s attack might resemble this moment.   

After her men are all destroyed, Rip gathers enough composure to put up a fight, but her magic bullet can only hit Alucard, not kill him.   Eventually, he just catches the thing in his mouth, neutralizing her power entirely.   

Then we proceed with what I consider the most gruesome scene in the whole story.   Alucard starts by impaling Rip through the heart with the barrel of her own musket.

Then he sprouts all these extra hands and grabs hold of her like some horrible nightmare-spider or something.   

Then he starts licking up the blood from her wound, really taking his time with it.    He’s stuck on this boat, after all, and there’s no one else alive to distract him.   

And finally he goes for the jugular, as it were.   

Aboard his zeppelin, the Major is watching all of this.   I guess Schrodinger’s power to be anywhere makes it possible for them to keep tabs on what’s happening.   All he has to do is bring a video camera along.   The Doctor prepares to activate Winkle’s self-destruct chip, but the Major forbids this.   They used this device on Jan Valentine and the Dandyman, but only because they failed in their missions.   As for Rip Van Winkle, the Major declares her mission a complete success.    He orders his men to salute as they watch her die slowly at the hands of Alucard.    A twisted honor, to be sure.

And with Winkle finally dead, Alucard just laughs up a storm.  

Here’s the problem, he’s stuck on that boat now.  And Hellsing knew it would go like this when they sent him, but they didn’t have a choice.   Early into the crisis, Integra and Walter recognized the Eagle as a mere decoy, one that would distract them from the real threat, but they couldn’t ignore it, and now Alucard’s on the Eagle while Millennium’s true forces are heading for Great Britain.

So yeah, take a good look at Alucard, because we won’t be seeing him again for a while...

[kiseiakhun]

What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤

RUBS HANDS TOGETHER

Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.

(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)

And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.

Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!

To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.

(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)

Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”

And Donna’s just like, yup.

And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.

Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?

Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.

And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.

(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)

(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)

Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?

(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)

... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.

...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.

But also. Also... hot.

Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.

Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.

And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.

God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.

Where was I even going with this?

Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.

Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.

(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)

Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.

[living-dead-parker]

Virgin - S.R

Summary: Steve loses his virginity (lowkey requested by @boutchie03 )

What I’m actually writing for Captain America??? This will probably be one of the few exceptions for him bc I’m not used to writing with him. I prefer writing Tony smut, but ngl I personally feel this was one of my better ones. 

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap ya willy), cussing. Totally ooc but idc and I know this is intense for one’s first time but oh well lmaooo, also shitty ending bc I didn’t know how to end it

Word Count: 2.8k 

Steve watches -hidden behind a newspaper- from his seat in the kitchen the way you joke around with Tony. The prolonged stares, the lingering touches, the way you laugh at his jokes like they're extremely funny. How he would kill to be in Tony's place. Making you laugh like that, having your fingers mess with the blonde strands on his head, making your lips curl up into the familiar smile he loves seeing plastered on your face. However, he knows it's wrong. For many reasons. One being that you're Tony's. He could never feel good about himself if he made someone cheat.

Another thing was the age. Hell, he's technically a hundred years old, despite looking like a twenty-something-year-old. Everybody thought your relationship with Tony was odd, despite the two of you denying any type of relationship. They're not dumb, they can all hear the screams from Tony's room, the banging and the creaking. In no way are the two subtle. Now if it was you and Steve, there'd be hell to pay. Everybody would be judging the hell out of the soldier. But it's not like you're barely an adult, you're in your mid-twenties. Old enough to make decisions about who you sleep with.

On top of that, Steve mainly sees you as a sexual person, not one for romance and love. Sure, he'd love to get you in bed, but he's a traditional man and he just knows you wouldn't marry him just to have sex. It's an idiotic thought, really. But he can't help but think it. Being a virgin for a hundred years isn't too ideal -but in Steve's defense, he's been stuck in ice for 70 of those years- and he knows a big reason why he wants to have sex with you is because he just wants to get it over with as well.

"Hey Steve!" you greet as you walk into the kitchen. Steve's eyes dart over to you quickly as he sets the newspaper down, giving you a smile and greeting you eagerly. A little too eagerly if you ask him. You walk over to the counter furthest from the entrance and grab two mugs from one of the cupboards above. You fill them both with some coffee, but you only grab one of the mugs and take it to the table with you. At the table, you take a seat next to Steve before grabbing the liquid creamer just a few feet away from you.

"Morning, Cap," Tony says as he walks into the kitchen a few seconds later, heading for the other mug. Steve looks up and greets Tony with a nod, offering nothing more after that. Steve looks down at the newspaper on the table and grabs it, lifting it up to pretend to be reading once more.

"Steve," you begin once Tony takes a seat at the table. Steve looks up from the newspaper, noticing Tony's eyes are on his StarkPad. Your eyes are fixed in Steve's direction, waiting for him to actually look at you. "Tony and I were thinking and we know you need a break from some of the missions. Maybe we can start sending others out more?"

Steve looks up at you, finally, after pretending to stare at the newspaper. His brows furrow and he looks surprised and confused by the proposition. The man never gets tired, how could he be tired of Avenging? "I'm sorry?" Steve asks as he looks between you and Tony.

"It's just- we think Bucky and Wanda haven't been pulling their weight much lately. It seems pointless to employ them if they're not even doing anything," you continue, eyeing the man carefully. His eyes squint into a glare, but it seems to be cast at Tony. "Wanda's last mission was two months ago and it was a short rescue mission that lasted an hour. Bucky hasn't been on a mission in four months. They've been training nonstop and they've expressed they're ready to go out. But you never send them."

"What about the Spider kid? He never goes on any missions?" Steve asks, feeling a bit defensive. Normally he wouldn't snap, but who are they to tell him how to run his team?

"He's just a kid, Steve. He does neighborhood patrols and that's that," you cut in and glare at Steve. Why is he being such a dick about it?

"Yeah, plus you're not the only person in the team. We still have Sam, Nat, and Bruce. Who all get very tired because they're still regular humans. You may have the super serum," Tony says before standing up and setting his mug down. "But they don't," he concludes before making a dramatic exit out of the kitchen. Steve rolls his eyes at the other man.

A huff escapes Steve's lips as he lifts his own mug and takes a sip of his coffee. His eyes scrunch up in disgust at the cold coffee. When he looks over at you, he notices the way you're bottom lip is tugged between your teeth. He gives you a look of pure confusion, not understanding why you're looking at him like that.

"Friday, lock the kitchen," you say. A quiet trill sound is made as metallic doors come shutting down from the top of each entrance to the kitchen. Steve looks around, his brows furrowing as he notices there's no escape. Not that he wants to, it's just a bit shocking to the man.

"W-what are you doing?" Steve asks as you approach him. Slowly, he steps back with every step you take forward. You smirk once he's up against the counter and you're standing in front of him. There's a significant height difference, which one would not find intimidating if they were looking at you, but this is Steve. He wants nothing more than to be able to feel you in ways that he knows only Tony gets to.

"Look, Cap. The team is getting a bad rep because people think we're hiding something with Bucky and Wanda. If we send them out, they'll see nothing fishy is going on. Just send them on more missions-"

"So this is a PR thing? Really?" Steve asks, his voice coming off with tons of shock and disdain. You roll your eyes as you rest a hand on his chest.

"Yeah, but it's more than that. They're just sitting ducks letting their skills go to waste. You know they're valuable assets to the team. They can help us do less damage. On top of that, world leaders are getting concerned again. We're just trying to protect Bucky and Wanda again from not getting detained or something. Just send them on missions and let people see that they're doing what they're supposed to. Tony and I can only hold them off for so long."

Steve shakes his head. You're not sure why he's so hesitant to send them on missions. They're the best at what they do and they always make it out safely. Sam is overworked, Bruce -as of lately- seems to be having trouble with the other guy, and Nat needs rest too. So why can't he alternate them out?

You don't bother moving from your position between Steve's legs and you find yourself moving closer towards him. You find your hips pushed up against his now and you can't help but to move your hands up to his shoulders. Steve looks down at you, eyes wide and his breath gets labored. What does he do now?

"We should proba-"

"I know you want to fuck me," you blurt out as Steve's hands move to your arms in an attempt to move you. He stops and looks at you, lips parted in shock but his eyes squinted in confusion.

"What?" he asks. You roll your eyes at his obliviousness.

"I see the way you look at me," you begin as your hands slide down to the hem of his grey shirt. His hands move down to your hips and he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth. "And I notice how you get nervous whenever you see me in little to no clothing. Tank tops should not make a man so nervous. Then I remember that you're a virgin and I remember how I used to tremble at seeing guys in just their underclothing when I was on the verge of losing my virginity," you admit.

Your hands slide up into his shirt, shuddering at the warmth of him. He pulls you flush against him and leans down to capture your lips in his. His lips are only slightly chapped but you ignore it, falling into the kiss. You grind your hips into his as you wrap your arms around his neck. A groan escapes his lips as he feels you continue to grind your hips into his. You feel a semi against your clothed core and a smirk begins to form on your lips as he continues to groan.

"Y/N wait," he says as he pulls away, pulling back from you. "What about Tony?" he asks, suddenly feeling guilty.

Through a chuckle, you ask, "what about Tony?"

"Well," Steve begins as he looks around. Anywhere but at you. "Aren't you two a thing?" he asks. His question causes you to giggle. Does he really think that? His eyes give it away though. He totally believes you are.

"Oh my god. No, we're not a thing, Steve. We're just fuck buddies if you will. Whenever he's lonely and I need a good fuck, he's there. But we're not together or anything. Strictly sexual, no strings attached," you explain. Steve looks so lost, making you giggle even more.

"Isn't it weird, though? Having sex without feelings?" Steve asks.

"Not really. I mean, sex with someone you love is amazing. But sometimes sex with someone you hate or someone you're friends with is even better. I don't associate sex with love all the time because sex isn't always the ultimate gesture of love," you tell him. Which it's not. It can be a gesture of love, but it's not the only one. Sometimes, you just need a good fuck without emotion. Just the physical need to cum.

"It just seems odd to me," Steve says as he looks down. You grab his chin and lift it up slightly.

"Look, if this isn't something you're comfortable doing, we don't have to do anything. We can just walk away and pretend none of this ever happened."

"I want to!" Steve cuts in, sounding desperate. He really does want to. "It's just, I'm used to the traditional way. Fall in love and wait until marriage. I mean, I don't want to wait till I find someone now, I just I really like you and- I don't know- I- I just don't know how to do any of this."

"Do you really want to do this?" you ask.

"Yes b-"

"Then follow my lead and if something is too much, let me know and I'll stop."

He nods as you lean in and press your lips to his once more. His facial hair scratches at your face but it doesn't bother you. Based on how Tony's feels when he's going down on you, you just know Steve's would feel even better. You moan at the thought, bringing your hips up against Steve's as you grind into him. He groans into your mouth, wanting more. His hands move down to your ass, pulling you flush against him; face to face, chest to chest, waist to waist. Your hands move to his shirt, pulling it up and revealing his very sculpted and toned chest. You practically drool at his abs, almost like your first time seeing them. He goes bashful as your lips move to his chest and down his abdomen until you reach his happy trail. You continue kissing the skin as you undo his jeans, pulling them down to reveal his hard-on through his boxers.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" you ask. Steve nods eagerly as his hands go down to your hair. You smirk up at him as you kneel down and pull his boxers down. One of your hands wraps around his cock, the other grabbing hold of his balls. You lick up a stripe from base to tip, swirling your tongue around his tip. His gasps fill the room as the sensation is overbearing. He's seen porn and he's jacked off, but none of it felt or looked as good as this. When he looks down, he sees you looking up at him through innocent eyes as you take his cock into your mouth, only taking in a few inches at a time.

"You like that?" you ask as you briefly pull him out of your mouth. You wrap your lips around his cock again, taking in more of him this time around. You're about halfway as you slowly inch more of him in. Steve throws his head back as he feels his cock hit the back of your throat. When he looks back down at you, he sees all of him in your mouth, tears pricking at your eyes. However, he can't seem to stop you, only wanting you to keep going.

"Fuck," you gasp when you pull his cock out of your mouth. He gives you a worried look but you ignore it, going back to having his cock in your mouth, only taking half of him as you bob your head back and forth, stroking the rest in your hand.

"Shit-" he gasps as his hands tangle in your hair. You moan against his cock, making him get one step closer. You stop, pulling away from his cock and stand up. His eyes follow as you remove your top. You remove your pants and stand closer to him as your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into a rough kiss. His cock is pressed against your clothed pussy, aching as he waits for you to make another move. You remove your panties before switching spots and hopping on the counter.

"Come here," you tell him. He steps closer and watches as you grab his cock and line it up to your entrance. His eyes screw shut as he feels the entrance of your warm cunt around his cock. You scoot forward a bit, feeling him slowly fill you up more. "Steve, step closer. I want you to fill me up," you say through moans. Steve moves closer, wrapping your legs around him and pushing himself all the way in.

He practically growls as he feels how tight you feel against his cock. His hands move to your ass, gripping it tightly as you throw your head back. You grind your hips into his, making him moan into your ear.

"Oh, fuck-" you moan out loud. "Yes, Steve. Mm, right there," you continue as he begins to take charge, thrusting a bit harder. The sound of skin on skin fills the kitchen, gasps mixing in the air, and loud moans are screamed into each other's mouths.

Steve rests his head on your shoulder, feeling himself get closer with every thrust. You lean back on your hands, feeling it all as he goes full force. Sex with Tony is great, but sex with Steve might just be phenomenal. He seems to be brutal in force, but not unbearably painful. A sweet mix of pleasure and pain.

"Steve-" you moan breathlessly. Your breathing is labored and Steve's thrusts become slack. You can tell he's close and you might just be too. So as he continues hitting at every angle, one of your hands moves down to your clit, rubbing at it as Steve keeps pounding into you. "Oh my God, Steve. Fuck yes!" you scream as he pulls you closer to him. You feel so out of control of your own body, you go limp. Your head rests on Steve's shoulder as he continues going. Before you know it, you're coming on his cock with a loud scream. It almost feels like too much as he continues fucking you senseless.

With a loud moan, he cums inside you, his head collapsing on your shoulder as well. For this being his first time, he sure knew how to handle you and leave you speechless. He continues thrusting sloppily as the two of you ride out your highs.

"Is it odd I feel like a proud parent?" Tony asks Nat in a different room. The conference room to be exact. The two had been having a conversation about the next mission when they heard your familiar screams from the kitchen. Tony lead the way to the conference room, where he asked Friday for live footage from the kitchen. The two only caught the last two minutes of it all, but to say it left the two thirsty for more was an understatement.

"Who would've thought those two would break each other," Nat adds as she watches from next to Tony.

"At least Cap's not a virgin anymore."

Please send in feedback or requests! Come talk to me or send me asks about anything!!

[praphit]

Ad Astra: Dammit, Brad!

Just Ad some Astra, people! - and everything will be alright. There's a joke there somewhere; it's not in what I just said, and wherever it is, it's probably a bad one, but it's there! Sometimes, I like jokes that are bad. We all have a family member or two who tell the same bad joke over and over again, but love them for it.  Or sometimes it'll be the same joke that people tell at work, you know??  - about the weather, or the weekend or something:

I'm always hearing jokes like "I'm off to HR. So-and-so grabbed my butt again. They'd better fire his ass this time!" - AND THEN WE’D ALL LAUGH. ... ... in retrospect, that's not really a joke. ... Ok, better example - sometimes people will be like "Oh no! My wife is leaving me. She found me in bed with another woman... she's taking the kids." - AND THEN WE’D ALL... ... Hmm... I 'm starting to realize what assholes we've been. But, y’all know what I mean, right? There are jokes that are bad, and then there are bad jokes! *sigh* That leads me to this movie.

Brad Pitt, baby! Look at those eyes! Damn he's pretty! I hope I look that good when I'm his age. I'm here for them sending Brad Pitt anywhere. Send him to the jungle - I'm there! Send him under water - I'm there! So, of course, if you're sending him to space - I'm there! The prob is, it's a bad joke. They sent him to space and he didn't do nothing! - I mean NOTHING! All he did was float around and narrate. Idc how pretty he is, nobody wants to watch that!

Brad Pitt, with this movie, joins that special list of actors:

with Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep, and George Clooney, and Denzel.

We love them. They're extremely talented. Critics love them. AND their movies are boring as hell - this one is no different. Don't believe me?? - go to RT and you'll see a critical rating of around 80% and an audience rating of around 46% (tho it might be less by now). Normally, I say the truth is in the middle, which is still in the 60's, so... yeah, "Ad Astra", everybody *slow clap*

There's a lot of beauty to behold in this flick (especially in the beginning), so it might win awards in that arena, but damn the plot and characters! Dag gon you, Brad Pitt! It's not his fault that the movie is boring. It IS his fault for being in this boring movie.

Brad's character has daddy issues, and decides to work them out in space. Critics will say how deep this movie is... this ain't deep. Brad, your dad is a jerk - THE END. 

Either make peace with that fact or say "bleep it" and move on with your life - don't drag us along for this boring ride.

Dammit, Brad! 

You could have been a diva! You could have been like "I know we're in space, but imma take off this suit, and my shirt... trust me, the ladies will love that. I'm Brad Pitt. And I know in this scene there are dangerous highly flammable substances around, but Brad Pitt needs a smoke; make it work in the story! I know this is an Oscar craving drama, but I feel like fightin a mutha bleeper or two. Hey you! Yeah! Jamie Kennedy! Donald Sutherland! I've always wanted to punch y'all. Let's fight! Come here! I'm Brad Pitt! Where ya going?!

Hey, Liv Tyler! 

Where the hell have you been? I know this scene doesn't call for it, but let's you and me make sweet, sweet love. What?! Why not?! I'm Brad Pitt!"

But, instead he kept his mouth shut (except for when the director made him narrate in monotone), and just floated around in space. Every now and then, Ruth Negga would appear or Tommy Lee Jones... and every now and then something beautiful would appear, but then back to Brad's thoughts about daddy in space.

DAMMIT, BRAD!

I mean...

I....

*deep sigh*

Grade: D

Plus, we've already made this movie! - several times! It doesn't have to be complex. They did... what was it? - Armageddon, with um... Bruce Willis, and... Ben Affleck... 

... and wasn't Liv Tyler in that too?  - Was that her last movie? And I think Chris Tucker showed up and started singing... with a crazy hairdo... that doesn't sound right at all, but that's what I remember.

They did Apollo 13! 

The Hanky Pank Man went into space and probably won an Oscar or something.

Didn't Ryan Gosling go into space recently?

I don't remember much of that movie. He was probably crying, cuz that's his strength. He builds up to a cry for the whole movie, then at the end he makes us cry with him. Sorry, cuz that's pretty much a spoiler for all of his movies.

Matthew McConaughey went into space... something about time travel or something, I think. 

Was Liv in that too?! Maybe she has actually been stuck in space. All of these movies are connected - they're just trying to get Liv Tyler out of space and back into Hollywood.

... nah, it was some other pretty pale white woman.

Sandra Bullock went into space. 

She floated around for a while... but she didn't do that for hours whining about daddy issues like a lil bitch, BRAD PITT! (sorry, again, not your fault). SANDRA eventually did stuff... though I can't remember what. I remember ghost George Clooney ( at least I think he was a ghost) showing up in her space pod ... and then he made them both space martini's,

 and.... and then she took off her pants. There was a butt shot, and roll credits. 

Again, that doesn't sound right, but that's what I remember. Why did she take off her pants? Or is that what ladies do when in the presence of Clooney?

And I think Mark Hamill might have went into space and did some stuff as well.

I seem to have forgotten a lot about these movies, but that's kinda my point! Just go up into space, do some shit, and come back! We're going to forget most of it anyway; just entertain us in the moment! You don't just go into space and float around, BRAD PITT!

DAMMIT, Brad! Those are hours of my life wasted listening to you drone on and on about NOTHING!

Again, I'm projecting my anger onto Brad, but it's not really his fault.

A better movie would have been this -

Brad decides to go to space, and take with him a handful of other actors who got stuck playing boring roles. They'll all revisit one of their more memorable exciting characters:

Brad - Tyler Durden

Hanks - Woody

(yep, yep... that’s weird)

Streep - the witch from "Into the Woods"

Denzel - the guy from Training Day

(Wow, did they think Denzel was going to grow into that jacket during filming?)

Clooney - Batman

(his nipple game was immaculate)

Let's put Damon in there, cuz... yeah... - he'll play... what part was it when his movies started to... you know... ??? Was it "The Informant!"? He'll play that guy.

We still need more color, I think. And another woman... a lil older... um... Rosie Perez!

I hear that she's coming back to acting. Maybe I shouldn't call it a come back, but... has she done anything since "White Men Can't Jump"?  or had she been in space with Liv Tyler? She's supposed to be in that "Birds of Prey" movie next year... why they grabbed her for that movie when she hasn't done anything in like 40 years, idk. BUT, she's going to be in MY movie dag gonit! - she'll play... Idk, we'll just throw a "White Men Can't Jump" T-shirt on her, and give her a basketball.

BOOM! The team!

They'll go into space in hopes to do something interesting or fun or.. something that generally doesn't suck ass.

And why does it always have to be about exploring the moon or mars? And why do we only meet stereotypical aliens? There always either cute and marketable or they want to kill us.

We wouldn't even have to go the alien angle. What about other entities? Ooo! Or what about God? Scientists often joke that they haven't yet found some white bearded old man surfing through space yet. But, what if they did?

How about this?!

Brad and his team find Jesus and the Holy Ghost surfing through the cosmos, looking for the Father.

(Jesus played by Lil Wayne and HG played by... Lady Gaga - sure)

BUT the Father (spoiler alert) is actually on earth. He came down in the form of... idk... Neil Degrasse Tyson.

Btw - did y'all know that Neil was Metoo'd? Somehow I had missed that. So, the Father takes that form, somehow forgets that he's God... maybe gets metoo'd, and now Jesus and the HG have to look for him. Brad and his gang have an interesting encounter with them, and end up joining their quest, and in the process come across... idk... a malfunctioning Optimus Prime (crossover, baby!) with a thirst for blood and vengeance!

All of that stuff gets handled in about 2 hours or so, and Brad Pitt and friends come back to earth and do a musical number with BTS.

 THAT, Bradley is how you do it!

DAMMIT, Brad!

To be fair, "Once upon a time in Hollywood" is good! So, maybe we'll look back and give Brad a pass for this.

Sooooo, hit me up, and let's make THAT movie, Brad!

Annnnd don't make no more bullshit. Thanks.

[doyoulift-blog1]

MUNDAY

THE BASICS:

Name: Sue

Pronouns: female and they stuff, idc

Sexuality: Bisexual (arguably pansexual but I like my bi label ok)

Zodiac sign: Gemini trash

THREE FACTS:

I draw comics for a living.

I’m in love with WWE.

I’m pretty much a 12 year old boy, only actually a 30 year old woman.

EXPERIENCES:

Lots of bad shit tbh. Crappy family growing up, health issues, poverty. Pretty much if it’s bad I saw it. Got a knife held to my face once, that was something.

PLATFORMS:

I RP here on tumblr. Email, Skype, discord Sue#4161, twitter, just ask.

WORST EXPERIENCE:

Putting this under a cut.

Got molested and blamed myself for years about it. Got 3rd degree burns from neglect and the sun. Ended up in a mental hospital for psychotic depression (out of my parent’s custody due to emotional abuse and neglect) and on a medication that ended up giving me a benign prolactinoma (Now inactive). Got out, back into parent’s care, got sexually assaulted at a movie theatre, police did nothing. But yeah that was the first 16 years. So when I said up there I’ve had some shit experiences I really have. Things are much better now but I still fight with my past but I’m not sure if I can quantify a “worst”.

BEST EXPERIENCE:

Just being me honestly, though I will have you know that chatting with my friends in all caps brings a special kind of joy to my withered heart. I love u guys.

OTHER:

Typical muse gender : Male. They just are.

Favorite face claim : Bruce Willis-ish That’s really hard.

Least favorite face claim : I don’t really have one.

Multi or Single muse : I have Mirage, at displacednoble and Brawn.

Angst fluff or smut : ALL.

Plot or memes : ALL.

Long or short replies: I like making longer replies, but I mean as long as it’s fun I don’t care.

Tagged by : @chillintel

Tagging :Whoever!

[praphit]

GLASS FOR YOUR ASS!

Glass for your ass!

I know, people. That was unnecessary and childish, and I'm almost halfway sorry, but it IS fun to say.

Say it with me GLASS FOR YOUR ASS! One more time, let's shout it together - GLASS FOR YOUR ASS! Yes!

I'm thinking of starting a business with that name. Idk what would actually be sold, cuz... I can't imagine that anyone would want glass literally sticking in their butt. Though... who knows what the young people are into today?? Maybe I'll sell custom glass chairs instead. Can you imagine that commercial?? "Come on down to John Praphit's Glass For Your Ass today for a free fitting." 

But, no, people! This post is not about my new biz venture, but a new M. Night movie! "Glass"

He has taken some of his old twists, and brought them together in this new movie!

Twist number one: Bruce Willis - An old geezer

Come on, young ladies - follow the creepy old dude in the poncho.

The twist here is that this particular geezer is super strong. He also has the power to touch people to find out their motives (good for catching bad guys). I guess another twist would be the fact that he has been walking through the city groping people for decades and no one has reported him. He is "metoo" proof!

M. Night has a chance here for a cop show idea. He could sell this idea to Fox or someone (seems like they'd do this): A cop who always gets his man or woman, BUT he has to grope several people to do so. He doesn't enjoy it, he's simply utilizing his God-given talent. The show could be called "The Groper" or maybe not... maybe "The Geez". Yeah, that's better, I think.

 The next resurrected twist on M. Night's list is Mr. Glass!

He's lookin good isn't he? It's crucial to look sharp when you're also crazy and evil.

Sam L has the power of super intelligence, and cool hair.

The twist, unfortunately, is that he is also super-breakable. He could pass gas and break a rib. They should have put that in the movie. Sam L giving a speech, then *fart* "Aaaaah! Shit! My rib! Anyway, back to my master plan."

It's just another day. The last resurrected twist is James McAvoy - aka The Horde

We can just call him "Mental Illness Man". He has D.I.D (multiple personalities)

Allow me to step on my soapbox for just one moment: I've said this before, and will continue to say it - Can someone please create a character who happens to have a mental illness, but is not defined by that illness or driven to evil by it?! PLEASE!

Ex. Let's say Dr. Susie has an extreme case of OCD. One could write her as having this illness leads her to become a serial killer. If you're messy, you've gotta go! OR - one could write her as managing her OCD, and giving others with OCD hope... now you could still have her kill people if you want, but not because of OCD. See what I mean??

Anyway... By these three twist combined, we have "Glass"!

Sarah Paulson is also in this movie.

She looks like a poltergeist in this pic. Maybe she is... ANOTHER TWIST!

I love her, btw. She is good in everything. She plays a doctor who is trying to treat these three; believing that they are suffering from delusions.

The movie does a good job of selling that all of this might be bullshit. The characters are doubting themselves. Their families are doubting them. Even I was doubting them. I started to get mad. When did "Unbreakable" (Bruce Willis' movie) come out? 2000?

If all of this is leading up to lies, that would mean that M. Night has been lying to us for almost 2 decades. That's worthy of an ass whupin if you ask me. There's another twist for you. Me tracking down M.Night to slap him around for his lies.

But, this is pretty much the movie. It's a Blumhouse production, meaning that not a whole lot of money went into this flick. Most of the scenes are shot in the clinic that those three end up in. This is a story of doubt, possible lies, Mr. Glass plotting something, and an eventual twist that you know is coming. This is all fine if this is the movie that you believe you were sold.

From watching the trailer, I thought we'd get a flick with Mr. Glass breaking them out of a very temporary sitch in the clinic, him convincing The Horde to join him, and Bruce Willis fighting for justice! - maybe even get a good love scene with Sarah Paulson.

Oh, I wish that they had promised Bruce that love scene, cuz maybe he would have tried in this movie. He's pretty much sleep-walking through this film. This is the face he's making throughout the whole picture

- the face of exhaustion and contractual obligation.

The movie comes down to Mr. Glass scheming (which is actually cool), breaks for James McAvoy to be his schtick (and it does feel gimmicky. Less like a man with an illness and more like a one man show), and plot twists that don't make much sense. There is a message of believing in yourself depsite how the world tries to suppress you. I think this message is cool, and is planted well through the film. The prob is that nothing else is planted well through this movie. Yet, I still reccomend it... I couldn't tell you why... maybe that's another twist.

It does a good job of creating anticipation, it just doesn't deliver. Like a first date that's driven by anticipation and excitement. You keep thinking it's going to be something that it never turns into - anticipation, excitement, anticipation, excitement... and then you go home confused. BUT, you don't exactly regret going on the date... i guess... idk... that damned M.Night has got me so twisted around that I'm not making any sense.

Regardless, I give this movie an entertaining D+

I still have some things to get off my chest (that'll also explain the low grade), but I can't do this without spoiling anything, so here's your chance to get away.

Surrriously

Surrrrriously

Ok (you've been warned):

1) Bruce Willis gets caught, but how?

His son is working with him (same actor who played his son all of those years ago btw). His son is his eyes. Where were those eyes when it counted? If I were Bruce, I'd ground the son. Idc how old he is now. In your 20's or even your 30's, STILL GROUNDED! - until daddy gets out of prison. And even then, there'd be a spanking.

2) Why aren't the mass murderers (Mr. Glass and The Horde) better secured?!

And that whole flashing light in the face of The Horde whenever he jumps into a dangerous personality, to change him into a less menacing one? Really?? Assuming I go with that, why couldn't he have simply closed his eyes?

3) The dumbass girl, who was The Horde's victim, whom he took hostage and was going to kill in his movie "Split" - she visits The Horde in lockup - TWICE! Towards the end of the film she puts her life at risk even more for him... WHY?!?!

4) Never trust Sarah Paulson! In most of her roles in movies or shows, she's never what she seems. This wasn't a bad thing, I'm simply voicing my mistrust.

5) The question is asked "If we DO have these powers? and it's not all delusions -  Why aren't there more of us?"

Yeah... WHY?! Good question! M. Night twisted himself on that one!

6) Lastly, his master plan to show the world video evidence of these feats done:

In 2019, would we even care for that long? Not much of a master plan.

Man, Jesus could return, with us having video evidence, and He could rapture tons of people. In two weeks we'd forget all about it.

Person A: "Hey, remember when Bob was raptured two weeks ago?"

Person B: "Who? Oh yeah, Bob. Right."

Person A: "It's crazy about Satan running around melting people's faces off isn't?"

Person B: "Is he still doing that? It hasn't been trending. Have you seen this cat video?"

We are the worst!