#broke things off like a week later cuz things were moving to fast anyway

[kameyyy]

PLEASE the guy that went straight in for a french kiss has a girlfriend now

[wolfish-trickster]

💞Lovely Valentine💞

Peter Maximoff x female!reader

Word count: 1735 (way longer than I expected)

Summary: You didn't like this time of year. Until one cheeky speedster changes your mind.

A/N: you're X-Men (congrats!), your mutation isn't mentioned, so it can be anything. Let your imagination go wild!

And another too cheesy, too love dovey, too dumb movie appiered in TV. You rolled your eyes and turned it off. You felt a light breeze caress your hair.

"Why did you turn it off?" a familiar voice sounded from beside you.

"What? Did you want to watch something discustingly romantic?" you asked with a mocking tone.

Peter only laughed. "Yeah actually. Maybe you never noticed, but I'm hopeless romantic," he leaned into you holding a hand to his heart.

You felt your cheeks getting 2 degrees hotter as you felt his head on your shoulder.

"Yeah, no. You're not. You always gag whenever you hear a cheesy pick up line!"

"But only because they're dumb, mine are much better! Wanna hear?"

As much as you wanted to say yes, you declined. He didn't need to know how you felt about him.

"Alright, whatever," he looked away from you. Your mind must've played a trick on you, because he looked quite dissapointed to you.

In a blink of an eye he was gone. You just shrugged, not the first time somebody left you alone. Especially on a day like this.

~

'Pull yourself together Maximoff, you're such a lad with women around you and you can't even make your crush go out with you? You're losing your charm man.'

Peter was sitting at the top of Xavier's mansion. His leg was bouncing from pure nervousness. He must come up with something more than just a pick up line. Flowers? Chocolate? Plushie? Jewelry? He can steal all of that, that's not the problem. The problem is making you interested.

He's known you for quite some time, and he knows you don't really like Valentine's. All of those 'happy' couples making heart eyes at eachother the whole day annoy him too, but you are on a whole another level. He doesn't even know the real reason behind your hatred for this holiday. He must find out.

But first...

~

You decided to go to your room. Kitty Pride, your roomate, went out with someone, like 50% of the school, so you had the whole room just for you (finally). You were building a house from cards listening to some old tapes Peter gave you when the silver haired bastard ran into your room, knocking all cards to the ground.

"Really? Couldn't you just walk in like evrybody else? I suppose not," you started picking up your cards.

"No, I can't. I had to hurry, ya know?" he bent down to pick up those which fell from your table to the ground and gave them to you, making sure your hands brushed each other.

"And why?"

"To spend more time with you, why else?"

You rolled your eyes, but secretely, you were touched. "You could be doing hundred and one things, or stealing hundred and one things. Why spending time with me?"

He shrugged his shoulders. In a blink of an eye he was on your bed, your headphones on his head as he rolled your walkman in his hands.

"Do you ever NOT use the lightning speed for mundane things? How about walking? You may heard of it," you pulled the headphones from his head.

"It's cooler this way. Hey listen, I came here to ask you something. Why do you hate Valentine's so much? I mean, we've known eachother for a long time and you always lock yourself away from everyone."

It suddenly became very hard to look at him. You never told anyone, no one ever asked. Or cared enough to notice how you always disappear when a couple walks into a room, or how you try to desperately avoid any romantic movie on TV. It made your heart flutter that Peter noticed these things about you.

"I don't know. Probably the cheap things people do on Valentine's. Flowers being the stupidiest. They are all cut and binded with a glittery bow, leaving mess behind for mostly a week and then those lovely roses die. Very romantic. Or the fact that everyone suddenly feels the need to show their undying love to a person they met a month ago. Or the cuddling under a warm blanket. Or having someone to trust with your life. Or someone who will stay by your side and hold your hand against all odds. Or someone who doesn't abandon you," you started to trail off. You were touch starved, kiss deprived, lonely.

Many times you hugged a pillow to your chest wishing it was a human being. Many times you filled a glove with rice, heated it and held it as if it was the real deal. You even planned on buying this big pillow in the shape of a human to cuddle to at night.

This soft vulnerable side was only for you. No one else needed to know the big badass Y/N was romantic at heart. So you pretended to hate the holiday while you secretely read all those disgustingly sweet romance novels and watched cheesy romcoms, imagining it would someday happen to you. Find love with somebody.

Such a shame that somebody you wanted it with was in this room with you, probably ready do mock you for revealing your soft side.

Your eyes were still focused on carpet as you felt Peter sit up besides you on the bed and gently put his hand on your knee. "If it makes you happy, I will never abandon such a great girl like you. I can spend this day with you. And I don't accept any 'I feel better alone' bulshit you tell everyone."

A gentle chuckle escaped you. "Okay, alright. You can stay here. But no speeding!"

Peter rolled his eyes. "As you wish. I wanted to take you somewhere far away from here and show you something, but since you said no speeding," he trailed off teasingly.

"What? Where. Okay, speeding ban is down, take me there please!"

"Hold on tight," he said as he held the back of your head.

Few moments later you found yourself on top of a giant copper building. The view consisted of a classical square with not so many people and a long river snaking between houses in a deep canal. You looked over the railing and found out you weren't just on any building. You were on a top of the Eiffel Tower!

A cough from behind you brought you back to reality. You turned around and nearly died. Peter stood there, his usual band t-shirt, silver jacket and jeans were replaced by a white loose dress shirt and black trousers. His silver hair was still a mess but that's what you loved about him the most, so you didn't complain.

"Appreciate while you can, you'll see me like this only at somebody's funeral," he said jokingly.

You chuckled. "Can I at least take a picture? Pwetty pwease?" you did your best baby voice to convince him to say yes.

"Only if it's a selfie."

"Deal," you fished out your phone from your back pocket and srood next to his side. His arm hugged you to him by your shoulders. As you pushed the button you felt a soft preassure on your cheek for a short while. Did he just pecked you on a cheek? In his faster than light speed?

You checked the selfie and sure enough, there it was. You smiling, him leaning down, kissing your cheek in a slight blur. In the reflection of your screen you saw him with an almost soft smile.

"Why would you do that?" you asked gesturing to the selfie.

"Cuz I wanted to do that. A-and I kinda like you. Romantically, I mean," he said sheepishly. He was kinda cute when he was shy.

"Really? You're not kidding right?"

"Nope, I don't joke about serious stuff."

"Well, I kinda like you too."

He turned his head back to you with a giant smile plastered on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

There was an awkward silence for a full minute, both of you looking either into each others' eyes or just roaming around the other one's face.

"Well, that's cool," you broke the silence.

"We just told eachother we like the other one and you say that's cool?" Peter asked half laughing.

"I panicked and you didn't say anything so I thought-"

"Yeah, you think too much," he cut you off and leaned towards you. His lips fell on yours. After initial shock you gave into the kiss, your hands held the back of his neck. His hair tickled your fingers and the back of your palm.

He broke the kiss. "Damn, I'm moving too fast again," he shook his head, his nose brushed your own.

"Well, I don't mind moving fast, our lifes are way too short anyways."

"Yeah, but if it starts fast it ends fast. I don't want that. Besides, I had a plan to do this properly," he then ran away from you in a white and black blur and returned now in his usual clothes holding a box of chocolate and a giant stuffed bear. "I didn't know which to give you, so I took both. Like it?"

"Yes Peter, the bear is so cute!" you took him from his hand and squeezed him to your chest. "This will do great for middle night cuddling, thank you."

"What do you mean 'this will do'? You have me for cuddling now! Can a bear hug you like this?" he rushed behind you and hugged you from behind. "Or kiss you like this?" he kissed your exposed neck softly and rested his chin on your left shoulder and looked at you as if you were the only one in the world.

You turned your head towards his and pecked his nose. "Nope, he can't," you kissed his lips one more time before turning around in his arms and started heavily making out.

"By the way," you said as he nibbled on your ear, "did you steal these things?"

"Uuuuh what will you do if I say yes?"

"Nothin', still like you. Romantically."

He chuckled into your skin. "Still romantically like you too."

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Do you think you could write a fic where Bucky finds out Sam and Sharon went out on a date and he’s super jealously and shady towards Sharon. Sam questions his behavior and he has to admit his feelings..

?

{{{ I LOVED THIS PROMPT SO MUCH AAAHHH! okay so there's not a lot of Sharon cuz i didn't wanna make her like? Idk, i didnt wanna have to go into the whole, she's the power broker thing in here cuz i knew if i put more of her i would NOT be able to stop myself, which is good cuz this got longer than i meant anyway!!! BUUUUUUUT THE TENSION IN HERE!! I was shaking as i wrote it THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING IT INNNN!!!! ENJOY GUYS! 💖💖💖💖💖 }}}

Ao3

Shattered Glass

She's touching him.

Again.

They'd been working with Sharon off and on for a few months. She, apparently, had some intell on some pretty bad guys, courtesy of her time in Madrapoor. Sam and Bucky had been helping her track them down. Sam and Sharon working together most of the time. Her and Bucky didn't exactly get along. They didn't work well together. And this was only making it worse.

He'd noticed it about a week in. The touching. It was so... casual. She would just reach out and touch him. When she was talking, she'd reach out and touch his wrist, or his arm, her finger tips brushing his skin as she spoke. Bucky bit his lip, forcing something down, he wasn't even sure what, didn't want to examine that right now.

The longer they worked together the more she seemed to touch him. She still reached out to him when she talked. But now she'd touch him when she passed him, a hand on his arm, moving across his shoulders as she walked past him as he worked on the couch. Something angry and... violent, stirred inside Bucky, everytime he watched her reach out to him.

It wasn't fair. That she could just do that. Just reach out and touch him. Like it was nothing. Like it was okay. Like he was hers. Bucky started leaving. He couldn't just sit around waiting for leads and watching her touch Sam. It made his skin itch.

He watched her walk past the couch again, her hand moving across Sam's shoulders slowly, her eyes on Bucky, he clenched his jaw and looked away, his stomach turning, filling a glass with whiskey and taking a long swig. The liquid burned on the way down and did nothing to stop that itch under his skin.

"Ya know Sam?" Sharon's voice carried, Bucky turned, just a fraction, just enough to see her fingers tugging on the hem of Sam's shirt sleeve.

"Hmm?" Sam hummed, not looking at her.

"We should really try another date. Don't you think? It's been awhile." She asked, her lips curved in a smile, her palm pressing to Sam's arm. His head jerked to look at her at the same time Bucky's fingers clenched around the class in his hand, shattering it. He felt his hand burn and looked down, a jagged red line cut across his palm, he blinked and his hand was covered in blood.

"Buck?" Sam's voice now. He blinked hard, swallowing around the scream in his throat, and moved his eyes back to the couch. Sharon was still sitting, her chin resting on her hand on the back of the couch as she looked at Bucky. Sam was standing, also looking at him, concern in his eyes. Bucky cleared his throat and shook his head. He grabbed a towel from behind the bar and wrapped his hand, his feet moving him toward the door.

"Are you okay?" Sam again. His voice closer now.

"I'm fine Sam. I'll see you at-" he stopped himself from saying 'home', his eyes catching Sharon's smirk.

"I'll see you later." He grumbled, opening the door carefully, doing his best not to rip it off the hinges, and walked out.

~

He was washing his hand in the bathroom when it hit him. The rage. He balled his bleeding hand into a fist and slammed it into the mirror above the sink, four times, screaming as he did. His chest rising and falling rapidly when the wave of emotion passed. He looked at the shattered mirror, the glass in the sink, and sighed, his shoulders drooping.

He cleaned up the glass, and took what was left of the mirror off the wall, his hand only getting more cuts as he did. He tossed the shattered mirror in the dumpster out back and went back inside, once again washing the blood off his hand. He grimaced as the water ran over the cuts, the jagged line across his palm already looking smaller. He pressed his metal thumb to the cut, hard, making it bleed again, biting his lip with a snarl. And then he heard the front door open and close, his back straightening as he listened.

"Bucky?" Sam called, and Bucky heard his footsteps, moving toward him, the apartment they shared now was small, and Bucky had long since memorized Sam's sounds. He could tell where he was in the apartment at the smallest noise. He looked down at his hand, the blood in the sink, on his fingers.

"Fuck." He whispered to himself, and heard Sam stop in the hall. Bucky had one second, one small, heart stopping second, to realize he hadn't closed the bathroom door. He reached for the door, and then Sam was standing in the doorway.

Bucky just stood there, trying to remember to breathe as he watched Sam's eyes move over the scene. The cut... cuts, on his hand. The blood in the sink. On his fingers. The missing mirror and the glass in the small trashcan. He watched Sam take it all in, the crease between his brows deepening with each new thing he saw. Eventually his eyes landed on Bucky's face, they were full of concern again, and as soon as they met his Bucky looked away. Down at his hand, and then at the floor.

"Where's the mirror?" Sam asked softly, not acusing, Bucky knew he was trying to make a joke, but his heart wasn't in it and he sounded sad.

"It's in the dumpster. I'll buy a new one." Bucky explained, using the least amount of words possible. And then,

"I'm sorry." It was an after thought, but it felt important.

"Buck." Sam sighed his name, breathed it quietly in the space between them. Bucky kept his eyes on the floor.

He watched Sam's feet walk into veiw. Watched Sam's hands lift from his sides. Watched them reach for Bucky's bleeding hand, before cradling it gently. Bucky's eyes fluttered but he forced them to stay open. Sam's hands moved his between them, turning it over to see Bucky's bruised and bloodied knuckles. Bucky heard him sigh as he turned his hand back over, his fingers circling Bucky's wrist as he looked at the cut in his palm.

"What happened?" Sam asked, his voice still quiet. Bucky's brow furrowed.

"I broke the glass. And then I killed the mirror." Bucky explained, talking slowly, like he was explaining things to a child, Sam was observant, he figured he'd put it together. He heard Sam huff a laugh, his finger moving gently over the healing cut in Bucky's palm.

"I mean," he paused, ducking down low enough that Bucky couldn't help meet his eyes and raise his head a little.

"You've been acting strange... More strange." Sam said, his head tilting to the side, a small smile on his lips. Bucky swallowed, trying hard to keep looking at Sam, and failing. His eyes dropped to his hand again, fixing on Sam's hands holding his.

"I'm just worried about you." Sam said, his fingers gripping Bucky's wrist a little tighter. Bucky closed his eyes, swallowing again, his throat feeling tight. He cleared it, and looked up at Sam again.

"I told you. I'm fine." He said, hearing how unconvincing he sounded as the words left his mouth. Sam looked at him, that look of concern deepening even more, his beautiful eyes locked on Bucky like he couldn't look away. Bucky frowned, feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny, and pulled his hand out of Sam's grip. He moved it hard, yanking it away from Sam, holding it to his stomach instead before turning back to the sink, away from Sam.

"You're fine." Sam said, repeating his words back to him, sounding unconvinced. Bucky nodded, turning the water back on and running his hand under it, scrubbing too hard at the healing cut, the middle bleeding again as he pressed his fingers against the skin with a grimace.

"Bucky stop." Sam's voice was firm, but Bucky ignored him, biting his lip and pressing his fingers down again. A small bubble of blood blooming and then washing away.

"I said stop, damn it!" Sam said, grabbing Bucky's wrist again, yanking Bucky's hand out of his own grasp as he turned Bucky back toward him. He grabbed the hand towel from the wall and pressed it to Bucky's palm instead, his palm pressed warmly to the back of Bucky's hand. Bucky frowned down at their hands, his heart beating fast as Sam leaned closer to turn off the running water, swaying into his space and then back out again.

"What the fuck is going on with-"

"You went on a date?" Bucky asks, cutting off the question, because he doesn't wanna talk about it. Doesn't wanna talk about all the feelings scratching and biting at each other inside himself.

"Wait, what?" Sam asked, Bucky's eyes jump to his face. He looks confused. Probably thinks he didn't hear him right.

"You. And ...her. You went on a date?" Bucky says, slowly, not sure if all the effort he was putting into keeping his voice calm was working. Sam's confused frown melted into something else, a different look, maybe three separate different looks, Bucky couldn't  be sure. Sam was hard to read on a good day, and this was decidedly not a good fucking day.

"We..." Sam sighed.

"I mean yeah. We did." He shrugged. Bucky took a deep breath, taking his hand away from Sam's again, slowly this time. He pressed his tongue into his cheek and nodded.

"Yeah." He said, and turned back to the sink, sitting the towel on the edge of it, inspecting the cut on his palm as Sam stood silently by the door, staring at him. The edges of the cut had closed now, the middle healing slower, probably because Bucky kept fucking shoving his fingers into it. He turned his hand over, looking at the bruising on his knuckles, the were healing too, looking at least a day old already.

"It was before the blip." Sam said, breaking the silence. Bucky took a deep breath, bit his lip and rested his hands on the sink, leaning on it, his head down.

"It was before the blip. It was one date. And that's it. Nothing else. Nothing happened." Sam said, his voice insistent. Bucky felt him move closer, taking a step into the small room. His heart was pounding in his ears. His mind a film of all the times he'd watched her touch him over the last few months, he shook his head slowly. He heard Sam take a deep breath.

"Buck-"

"The way she touches you." Bucky said, his voice small, his chest aching, that familiar burning in his throat and eyes, pressure trying to escape. He looked at Sam then, turning his head, only his head, to face him. His eyes were wide, and locked on Bucky. Bucky shook his head again.

"The way she touches you." He repeated, to make sure Sam was hearing him.

"She does it all the time. And it's easy. For her. Every time she's near you she's touching you. Your arm. Your wrist. Your shoulder. Your back. She's always fucking touching you." Bucky grits out, his jaw nearly locking from the tension inside him. Sam's shoulders droop as he sighs, his face softening as he looks at Bucky.

"It's not-"

"It is!" Bucky says, voice rising, turning fully to Sam now, his hands shaking at his sides.

"It is. All the fucking time. Any time she wants. And she's doing it on purpose! Keeps fucking looking at me when she touches you cuz she knows that I-" he inhales sharply, his chest tightening as his eyes go wide. His hands clenching, middle finger digging into the shrinking cut on his palm. And the way Sam was looking at him. Fuck. He should have kept his fucking mouth shut.

"That you what?" Sam asks, he's whispering now. Bucky stares at him, his chest rising and falling like he'd just been running a fucking a race. His stomach turns again as he looks at Sam, looking at him. He opens his mouth, he could tell Sam, right now. Just say the words. He listens to his own heart beat like a drum in his ears and closes his mouth, shaking his head instead, his brow furrowed, he bites his lip.

Sam takes another step closer, and there's nowhere for Bucky to go, unless he wants to climb into the fucking tub, but that would look like he's running. And he wasn't going to run from Sam fucking Wilson in their own fucking house. He presses back against the sink instead, the porcelain cold against his ass and thighs. Sam takes another fucking step. Bucky digs his teeth into his lip, frowning deeper, pressing back more, trying to keep a little space between them. His eyes are on the floor, or Sam's shoes, there's not enough floor between them now.

"That you what?" Sam says again, his voice still a whisper. Bucky chances a glance at him and almost bolts. His eyes. They're looking at Bucky and he can see it. He can see that Sam knows. Knows what he was going to say. And he's staring at Bucky now. Waiting. But he's still here. He knows what Bucky was going to stay and he didn't leave. He moved closer. Bucky licks his lips, and looks up at Sam, keeping eye contact now.

"She knows that I'm jealous." Bucky breathes, feeling his chest flutter and release the tension he'd been holding. Sam's eyes widen once, quickly, and he nods, once.

"Knows that I-" he takes a deep breath, looking away again because it's too much. The look Sam's giving him is too much.

"I wish it was me. That I could do that. Just reach out and touch you the way that she does. But I-" he takes a shaky breath, his head hanging, his hands shaking again as he flexes them at his sides.

"Bucky." Sam breathes, and then he takes another step, his foot settling between Bucky's boots now he's so close.

"Touch me." Sam breathes, Bucky feels his breath on his skin and snaps his head up to look at him. There's a soft smile on his lips and his eyes are warm, moving over Bucky's face like he's trying to memorize it.

"Wha-"

"You can touch me." He says, nodding slowly as his eyes continue to map Bucky's face.

"I-" Bucky tries, his words getting stuck in his throat, his brow furrowing. Sam moves slowly, reaching out, his fingers curling around Bucky's wrists gently and moving his hands up, settling them agaisnt his own chest. Bucky's nearly panting now, swears he is, his heart beat so loud it's making his ears ring, but Sam's hands are so warm, his chest so firm and sturdy under Bucky's palms, his fingers around Bucky's wrists grounding him.

"Touch me." Sam says again, his smile curling his lips as he moves his thumb over Bucky's metal wrist. Bucky stares at Sam, his eyes lingering on his lips and that soft smile there, and he does as he's told.

He moves his hand out of Sam's grip, lifting his arm until he can press his fingertips to the lines on Sam's forehead, he presses his skin to Sam's and sighs. He moves his fingers over Sam's face slowly, tracing touches down the side of his face, trailing his finger over the bridge of Sam's nose, moving his thumb across his high cheekbones before moving down. He takes a deep breath and moves his thumb slowly over Sam's bottom lip, licking his own lips as he does. Sam presses a kiss to his thumb, a barely there pressure that has Bucky's knees shaking.

Sam's thumb is still moving agaisnt his metal arm and the sentions mixing together are making his head swim. He moves his hand down, rests it on Sam's shoulder, palm pressed against his neck. He feels Sam shiver and looks up at him. Sam is still smiling, that soft look still in his eyes. Bucky blinks at him, slowly.

"Hi." He says, his own lips curling to smile back.

"Hey." Sam says, his smile growing the longer Bucky looks at him. Sam moves his free hand to Bucky's cheek, making him shiver now as he moves his thumb across his cheek.

"How's your hand?" Sam asks, voice low. Bucky takes a deep breath, lifts his palm away from Sam's neck a little, there's a bright pink line across his palm, but no more blood. He moves his hand back, pressing his fingers into Sam's neck, making him shiver again, and nods.

"It's good. Healing." Bucky says. Sighing when Sam presses closer, resting himself agaisnt Bucky.

"And the bruises?" Sam asks, leaning forward until their noses are almost touching. Bucky glances toward Sam's neck, where his hand is resting, his knuckles a collage of purples, greens, and yellows. He nods again, slowly, his eyes moving back to Sam's face, lingering on his mouth. Sam's lips twitch, a smile flickering there. Bucky watches him, sees him press closer as he looks at Bucky's lips. Bucky moves back, his hand on Sam's chest pressing down. Sam frowns at him.

"I'm sorry about the mirror." Bucky says, frowning himself. He hated breaking things. Hated giving in to that anger inside him. That violence. Sam's frown melted as he moved both his hands to Bucky face, cradling his head, holding him.

"I know you are. It's okay." He moved forward again, pressing his lips gently to Bucky's before pulling back again, Bucky's skin burning from his touch.

"It's okay." He whispered, nodding, looking into Bucky's eyes. And Bucky knew he wasn't talking about the mirror anymore, not completely. He opened his mouth, letting Sam in as he pulled him closer, Bucky grabbing at his hips, fingers digging into Sam's skin, making him moan into Bucky's mouth. He swallowed it greedily and moved his hands up Sam's back, pulling him closer as their tongues pressed together.

Bucky was shaking, his skin tingling with heat as Sam wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and kissed down his neck, his lips leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Bucky whined when Sam rolled his hips against him, smirking into his shoulder. He did it again and Bucky had to grab at Sam's arms to stay upright. Sam moved his hands to Bucky's thighs and lifted him, sitting him on the sink. Bucky gasped and blinked rapidly when Sam looked at him, the beautiful toothy grin on his face.

"I've got you." Sam said with a nod, his thumb moving over Bucky's bottom lip. Bucky pressed his lips to it, mirroring Sam's motions from before. Sam sighed happily and moved forward again, pressing his forehead to Bucky's.

"I know." Bucky sighed, his hand tangling in the front of Sam's shirt before he pulled him into another kiss.

Sam held him, hands on his waist, as Bucky's hands moved over his body. Bucky grabbed and pulled and soothed, his hands touching as much of him as he could reach. Touching his hands. His arms. His shoulders. His hips. His back. Sam kissed him, deep and soft, as he touched him. He moaned into the kisses, and Sam's firm grip. And his hands kept moving. Finding new things to touch. He smiled into Sam's kiss, his head somehow rushing with thoughts, and singularly focused on one thing.

Sam.

He was touching Sam. His heart pounding in his chest as his hands moved. His skin burning, head swimming as he and Sam smiled agaisnt each other, their teeth clicking, as Bucky touched him.

And touched him.

And touched him.

And touched him.

[joy1579]

Zen cheated on MC. She finds out and instead of crying her eyes out is getting drunk and calling Seven (which is madly in love with her but never told her because of her relationship with Zen).

so first I’m so sorry this took sooooooooo long but i hope you get it and i hope you like it. i had a ton of fun writing drunk MC. also i didn't want MC to use seven as a rebound so they don’t get together right away but seven does take care of her and they probably get together after a couple of months. she has time to move on and their romantic relationship has a real foundation to grow on.

so without further ado

zen cheats and seven gets the girl

You normally didn’t pay any attention to the gossip that circled around Zen constantly. after all every week they claimed there was some new lover or budding cast romance and every week without fail, Zen would come home to you, loyal as a knight. lately though the rumors had become more focused more realistic somehow. Zen’s rehearsals had run later, started earlier, things simply seemed off no matter how much you tried to deny it. so when the news story broke and plastered TV, magazines, and websites with numerous pictures of Zen wrapped around some pretty little blonde with big blue eyes, you hated to admit how much you had braced yourself for the blow.

the RFA chatroom was going haywire and your phone was ringing off the hook as you packed a single small bag. you supposed you should have been crying, grieving the loss of nearly two and a half years of “love” washed away by little more than some passing fancy. yet you couldn’t quite find it in yourself. Instead you felt an icy ball of hard anger settle in the pit of your stomach.

so it was that you now stood in some no name nightclub sipping a drink you couldn’t pronounce bought for you by some guy that had since given up on your affections. You had shut off your phone to stop all the notifications that had been flooding in since the pictures of Zen and THAT woman were released. You didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of that bomb dropping right now, didn’t want to explain things to the RFA or have to see Zen trying to defend himself. Right now all you wanted was to find some sort of catharsis in the loud music, alcohol and dancing. Downing the last of the far too sweet drink, you made your way toward were the band took requests. you shoved a ten towards the man and half shouted over the music.

“something fast, angry, and loud” he nodded and you decided to grab another drink while you waited for your request. you opted for strength over taste and grimaced as you chugged the drink. the icy anger you felt slowly dulled with your 3rd drink of the night and in the back of your mind you knew it was more the effects of alcohol than any real emotional progress. Four more drinks and several songs later had you ready to turn your phone back on if only to find a place to stay. confusion struck you however when your lock screen showed only black with green text moving at lightning speed.

“grrrrl that’s crazy you gotta show me how you got it to do that!” said one of the girls you had found yourself dancing with earlier.

“I didn’t do this girl.” you said slurring your speech only the slightest bit “oh no! what if this isn’t my phone!” you gasped “no nah it’s my case false alarm it’s mine. see the purple that’s, that’s my color so it’s got to be my pho-.” you were cut off by the ringing and answered it quickly fumbling the phone just a bit your drunken haste “phone?”

“mc?!?” cried the voice on the other end

“seven!! lucy, lucy- yell, lu- luceal? how do you, how do you say your name seven? not seven the other name you know the L one the bible name.”

“what? MC? are you drunk? never mind. listen I’m on my way to get you I got your location from your phone already so I’ll be there soon”

“I made friends, seven listen, listen” you pointed your phone towards the group of girls you’d been dancing with “grrl! grrl! you gotta come here my friends on the phone! you know the guy I told you

“fuck that guy!” one of them yelled prompting another to cheer an agreement.

you tried to stifle the laugh that fell from you lips before you replied. “nooooo the other, the other guy the good one remember? oh she’s dancing now.” you held the phone back to your ear to explain “she’s dancing now seven but, she’s so nice and she said, listen she said hyun is” what had she said? the memory was fuzzy now but you did know one thing “hyun is so stupid you know that?”

“MC I’m so sorry about what happened”

“where does he get off pulling that crap?” you broke into a fit of giggles suddenly “wait no I know where he gets off don’t I. Do you think she knows? seven do you think she knew?”

“mc please I’m almost there okay just 3 minutes’ tops can you come outside for me I’ll meet you outside”

“seven I think, I think I need a place to stay cuz, I think I need a place to stay because I lost my key or I gave it away? I don’t know”

“mc come outside please I’m pulling in”

“seven thank you so much oh, oh just a sec” you held the phone to your chest “grrl I gotta go!” you yelled waving at the dancing girls.

one waved back at you quickly before another shouted “you do you girl! YOU do YOU!”

you laugh at that and yell back “Imma do ME” before stumbling towards the door. just as you reached for the handles though the world lurched to one side and you stumbled directly into someone’s chest.

“mc? are you okay? you don’t look good! come on let’s get you out of here.” it took you several long moments before you recognized the car and voice of the man you had run into.

“sev! your here!” seven flinched at your loud voice before raising an eyebrow at you

“MC how drunk are you? like on a scale of 1 to 10”

you looked at your fingers for a moment as if you were trying to count but when your eyes focused back on sevens face your only answer was simply “which one is drunk?”

“okay. That answers that”

“I hate him you know?”

“huh? oh yeah”

“and I, I think he, sev? seven how long do you think?” you asked pulling your knees up to your chest and leaving your heels on the car’s floorboard.

“I don’t know” he admitted solemnly eyes locked on the road and hands in a white knuckle grip on the wheel. the momentary silence in the car was broken by the ringer on your phone playing the telltale love song you had set as Zen’s ringtone. you grimaced and rolled down the window before dropping your phone out of the speeding car.

“what the?!? MC! did you just - “

 “shhhhhh I don’t want to talk about it.” You slurred moving your hand in his vague direction trying to put your fingers to his lips in the classic shushing style but failing miserably.

“I um I’m pretty sure the phones destroyed anyway so I guess that’s that” he mumbled drifting off as you sunk lower in your seat curling in on yourself even more.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this sleepy seven” you mumble before yawning and hugging yourself tight “Hyun may suck but he was always warm ya know? like, like a god damn space heater”

“if your cold I can turn on the heater” seven suggested gently one hand moving to adjust the air conditioner for you

“nooo” you whine grabbing his hand. you gasped the second your skin met his and exclaimed “your hands so cold”. bringing his hand to your face and pressing his icy finger gently against your eyes you mumble “they’re perfect”. after a moment you sigh enjoying the soothing chill against your skin. you didn’t notice sevens blush as he focused resolutely on the road.

 waking the next morning was hell. the blinking red lights of all the electronics in the room were way to bright and none of them went off at the right times. you buried your head into a dark red pillow before slowly things clicked into place. had your head not ached with every movement you would have sat bolt upright in the bed, but considering the angry throbbing in your skull and slight nausea in your stomach you opted to simply bury yourself farther into the bedding around you. the sheets smelled familiar, a semi sweet honey kissed scent that brought to mind cheeky smiles and mischievous winks. between the signature scent and the deep maroon color you knew exactly who’s bed you’d ended up in. sevens. at some point you would have to address all the implications of that fact but first you figured you should start with hangover management. first things first after all. head still buried in the bedding you used one hand to feel around you and get your bearings. when your finger met with a bedside table you searched it for anything to sooth your headache only to hear a quiet chuckle. you groaned shamefully before deciding to simply flip off the man watching you struggle before pulling you hand back into your make shift blanket sanctuary. After a moment you heard the door open and shut before the sound of a glass being set down on the bedside table told you it was okay to reach out again.

“I shouldn’t drink. I never drink? why did I drink? who let me make such a terrible decision.” you grumble to yourself sipping on the water seven had brought you praying to ease your headache.

“we couldn’t reach you to stop you. you turned your phone off.”

“sorry” you said shamefully “I know you don’t like alcohol picking me up probably wasn’t fun was it”

“don’t worry i was too worried about you to be angry” you buried yourself back in the blankets to shield yourself from light again. he was sat facing the bed with his laptop angled to shine away from you, a gesture you were extremely thankful for even if the light still felt blinding.

“thank you for letting me stay here seven. I guess I’ll have to look for someplace new to stay huh? I don’t really want to continue living with, him” you mused

“I uh, I have a guest room. just till you get back on your feet if you want.”

“you sure you and Saeran wouldn’t mind? I don’t want to impose”

“I’ll ask him but I doubt he’ll mind he practically thinks of you as a sister”

“thanks.” you said letting yourself peek out of the blankets just a little “um where’s my phone?” you didn’t like the mischievous smirk that lit sevens face at that question. Your drunk self-had a lot of explaining to do.

 the following weeks where long. putting your life back together seemed to highlight just how much of it you had built around Zen but seven helped the whole way. you had seven send him the info to take over the fan page that you had managed for him. he even helped you replace your phone and block Zen’s number. you and Saeran spent several evenings listening to angry music before eventually you had raged enough to be sad about everything that had happened and then seven was there to cheer you up. he joked around and sent you cute cat pics, one time he even took you to see Ellie while Jumin was at work. after a while you returned to the RFA chat determined to face whatever drama was awaiting you but seven had already handled it. He had banned Zen that first day and let the other members know what was going on so you didn’t have to relive every detail; and for the first time you thought maybe when one door closes, another one opens.

[nadja-chamack16]

Side With The Height

Authors note: lmao I was supposed to post this basically years ago :/ (more like a month ago) but I got so self conscious about it and wasn't going to finish it... so before I regret posting this lol just know I had fun writing and there are probably grammar mistakes. I truly don’t know if this is going to be a chaptered thing but enjoy anyway! If you have any questions please let me know! and if you wanna be tagged for some reason let me know(?)

words: 3861

pairings: Eventual prinxiety, eventual logicality, Platonic demus

summary: Virgil wakes up in washington heights, the place where he's lived as long as he can remember. He goes through his usual day and we see a glimpse into his mind.

warnings: A lot of Spanglish (mix in between Spanish and English) is used, let me know if I missed anything

“ Lights up on Washington Heights”

Up at the break of day ”

Virgil woke up a tad bit late, which mind you was something very rare,  still on time to open the bodega though he was almost always the first one up anyway. Watching the Barrio wake up after he was wide awake and ready to start his day,  it made him feel like he was seeing the world from an outsider perspective but for once being the outsider was something good.

“ I wake up and I got this little punk I gotta chase away ”

He walked towards the bodega, one of the few things he still had from his parents and- Wait is that Remus? wait wait wait- is he about to spray paint the bodega?! His internal monologue was rudely interrupted, He bolted towards Remus, “what are the fuck are you doing?!” Remus wasn't a genius, but he could definitely tell that Virgil was pissed and he decide his best option was to run off to god knows where, he was a little worried that Virgil would run after him, but he still tried to look calm while leaving but was definitely failing miserably.

“ Pop the grate at the crack of dawn ”

Virgil knew how Remus was, he and Dee hung out a lot, (if it were up to Virgil he most definitely would not be, but he can’t monitor Dee all the time) But he never thought Remus would ever dare try to spray paint the bodega! “I guess you can’t trust people” he said under his breath while pulling up the metal grate covering his corner store.

“ Sing while I wipe down the awning

Hey y'all good morning ”

Virgil saw the piraguero, Emile, and had a short conversation with him. “Ice cold piragua. Parcha, china, cherry, strawberry, and just for today I got Mamey!” Emile said, he said it every morning so Virgil had most of it memorized by then and mouthed the words as he said them, “Oye piraguero Como esta? " Virgil asked, he didn't personally like small talk, but there was a few exceptions, “Como siempre señor Virgilio!” Emile winked. Virgil didn't hate his name or anything, his parents gave it to him and it had a story behind it, he just liked its “translation” into English a little better, when he was a kid, a few of his classmates had issues saying his name, and he didn't really like that, so he decided to use the name one of his teachers called him. He entered the store relaxed and involuntarily continued his internal monologue. Virgil enjoyed singing...when he was alone in the bodega...at an ungodly hour... before everyone was awake and bustling through the door, before anyone could judge him really, but deep down he knew nobody here would ever do that, everyone around him either saw him growing up or grew up with him, but anxiety won't stop pestering will it?

“ I am Usnavi and you prob'ly never heard my name

Reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated

Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax is highly complicated cause

I emigrated from the single greatest little place in the Caribbean

Dominican-

Republic ”

It didn't matter that Virgil was from this small tropical island in the Caribbean he still probably was the palest person in the barrio, and you couldn't really blame him, he was always working, trying to make ends meet, so he almost never went out, plus he moved to the barrio when he was a child, so he never got to really experience that Dominican heat, and those stunning sun beams crashing over one's skin through the palm trees while feeling the sand as he walked through one of its many beaches- anyway...he’s always lived in the barrio so, it’s not like he doesn’t have his culture with him, since there are other Latinos all around him, but he wants to one day experience all these things and not just day dream about experiencing his country with the only reference of that majestic place being stories Abuela had told him.

“ I love it

Jesus, I'm jealous of it

And beyond that

Ever since my folks passed on I haven't gone back

Goddamn,

I gotta get home then ”

In case you hadn’t noticed, Virgil Loved his country and culture very dearly, and he took pride in it, sometimes when Abuela Carmen told him stories about his home country, he got a weird feeling, He was most definitely grateful that Abuela took her time to tell him in detail all these stories, so he could imagine what living there must be like, but he couldn’t put a finger on what this feeling was, jealousy? Maybe. Longing? Probably. Resentment? Possibly. Desire? Who knows. He wasn’t sure, the only thing he knew for a fact was that this feeling made him wonder what would have happened if his parent just stayed in the sunny bliss that is his country, and having such a thought made him feel guilty so, he tried not to dawn it for too long, and told himself that one day he would have enough money to go and live there for the rest of his days (a few years maybe? No, he wanted this) and experience his country...but he could also come back settle down, help Dee, so he can fend for himself, and maybe start dating, he could always try to ask R-

“ I'm gonna test ya later

I'm getting tested times are tough on this bodega

Two months ago somebody bought Ortega's Our

Neighbors started packin' up and pickin' up

And ever since the rent's went up

It's gotten mad expensive

But we live with just enough”

He had to cut that train of thought quickly, he couldn't be day dreaming about impossible scenarios when rush hour was coming, and everyone would be awake heading for work and would pass through his bodega and get his world- well barrio famous café con leche, but he had no idea what he would do today since the fridge decided to stop working, and he had started to panic a little, thank god for Abuela because he would have gone into full panic mode if it weren’t for her walking in, “Mijo what's wrong? You look stressed.” she always knew when something was wrong, “Ay, abuela my fridge broke... I got café but no con leche” he tried not to sound too disheartened and worried as not to raise any worry, “try mother’s old recipe, one can of condensed milk!” that was all she had to say, and he was instantly calmer, but it wouldn’t be Abuela if she didn’t end it with “Paciencia Y Fe!” she said it as she exited the store. She may not be his real grandma, but he certainly loved her as if she was his grandmother, hell mother even! She practically raised him for god’s sake!

“ In the heights

I can't survive without café

I serve café

Cuz tonight seems like a million years away!

En Washington—”

Then and there the barrio came alive in a matter of milliseconds and everyone was rushing through the streets, and the cars were honking, and everything lit up as if from a scene in a movie. He liked how he always knew who to expect at what time, it was comforting to have routine, and he guessed other people agreed with him because they were always on time, First up was the Rosario’s, they run the cab company down the street, Even, so they struggle in the barrio, their son Patton is off to college and tuition is ridiculously expensive so, everything they get is mad cheap. Virgil always knew everyone's usual, and the Rosario’s were no exception, “Good Morning virgiiiiiil” Larry’s singsong voice sliced through his thoughts, he automatically started gathering his usual,“Pan caliente, Café con leche” he said as he put the items in the counter, “put twenty dollars on today’s lottery” Larry said with a smile on his face, before Virgil could do anything Dot’s voice came through “ one ticket that’s it!” she said with a stern tone, her eyes still pretty playful, “hey!, a man’s got a dream...” she rolled her eyes and turned to Virgil “don't mind him he's all excited ‘cuz Patton flew in at three am last night” she was smiling warmly while thinking of her son, Larry’s voice caught her attention, and she looked up “don’t look at me, this ones been cooking all week” he said while making a gesture with his thumb in her direction, she rolled her eyes, “Virgil come over for dinner there's plenty to eat!” they took the bag off the counter and left the store.

“ Me and my cousin runnin' just another

Dime-a-dozen

Mom-and-pop stop-and-shop

And, oh my god,

It's gotten too darn hot like my man Cole Porter said

People come

Through for a few cold waters and

A lottery ticket,

Just a part of the routine ”

He sees Dee trying to sneak past and obviously failing, “Dante you’re late” Virgil tries to say it in a stern voice, “chillax you know you love me.” Dee smirked and got to work, Virgil couldn't hold back the smile any longer, he just sighed and started warming up for the real rush hour coming, there was going to be multiple people talking to him at once and even if he finally had Dee to help, he knew the both wouldn't be enough, but after years of this being his job, he knows how to handle many people talking to him at once and keep in mind these are Latino people, which meant there was several people talking to him at once but at twice the speed of a normal human conversation, and if they were on a rush make it four times as fast.

“ Everybody's got a job;

Everybody's got a dream

They gossip,

As I sip my coffee and smirk

The first stop as people hop to work ”

The last people to come before rush hour were Remy and Valerie work on the salon next door, and as always Remy was telling Val about the new chisme, and Virgil couldn't help but eavesdrop, it was his bodega after all, so he had to have some sort of right to do so, plus it wasn't like he tried to hide the fact that he was listening, if something surprised him it, he wouldn't try to stifle a gasp, but he never got to hear the gossip from the beginning, so he had to try to piece it together and sometime he didn't even get to hear the end, he started preparing their usual orders as he listened, “so, then Yesenia walks in the room” “ah ha” she smells sex, and cheap perfume” “uh oh”, “it smells like one of those reeves that you hang from the rearview” Valerie didn't really add much to the story just her random reactions to show she was listening, “haha no!,” “its true! She screams ‘who's in there with you Julio!’ grabs a bat and quick in me’ door…” Virgil started piecing some things together, they were talking about Yesenia getting cheated on, Julio probably had cheated on her with some gir-” he's in bed with José from the liquor store!” well that was a twist! Virgil couldn't help what he said next, “No me diga!” he and Valerie said it in perfect sync, he hands them their respective coffees, and they both say a simple, “thanks Virgil!”

“ Bust it— I'm like— One dollar, two

Dollars, one fifty, one sixty-nine I got it

You want a box of condoms what kind?

That's two quarters Two quarter waters

The New York Times

You need a bag for that?

The tax is added ”

It was finally time, the long awaited rush hour, people were asking him the cost of things, where things were located, he even got some surprising questions, but he couldn't even stop and dawn on it for too long because he had a few people asking him questions, and he didn't want an angry mob of Latinos forming this early in the day, there was a few people here and there that came for only coffee but at this time people usually came to look for stuff that they needed like a few groceries or toiletries but this was for sure the most stressful part of the day, but it wasn't as bad as you might think.

“ Once you get some practice at it

You do rapid

Mathematics automatically

Sellin' maxipads and fuzzy dice for taxicabs and practically

Everybody's stressed, yes,

But they press through the mess

Bounce checks and wonder what's next ”

Virgil was used to this, he had this jump of adrenaline in his day-to-day life, and his need to make everyone complacent as they left his small bodega made him work extra hard, it was almost over though and the only way to truly know it was over was once Logan walked through that door, he and Dante would never tell Logan how happy, and relieved they were any time He walked in through the bodega door, Virgil was relieved when Logan entered the bodega? Yes, but was he happy? Kind of, since Logan and Dee would team up against him to poke fun at him, most of the time it had to do with Virgil’s love life but what can you do? The funniest thing was when Logan would try to beat Virgil to say what he usually got but Virgil was just faster and knew all of it by heart so, he always won, which frustrated Logan which in turn made him feel a little better when Logan and Dee bothered him about his love life, it wasn't something he liked to talk about so in turn he couldn't really argue with them about it, so he just tried to shut them up quickly especially since Roman was always the one to come after Logan, but he was usually distracted with something so even if they were talking about it, he wouldn't notice since Logan and Dante would shut up, and see what Virgil would do, now it was just time to wait for Logan to arrive, so he and Dee would be able to take a break.

“ In the heights I buy my coffee and I go

I buy my coffee and—

Set my sights

On only what I need to know

What I need to know—

In the heights Money is tight

But even so—

Even so—

When the lights go down I blast my radio!

En Washington “

The man of the hour walked through the door, Logan saw Virgil and Dante release A breath they were holding, he smirked, Virgil knew what that meant, his challenge for the day, try to beat Virgil to say what he wanted, mission impossible , Logan always tried to throw Virgil off guard with a tease, it never worked. “ you ain't got no skills!” Virgil smiled, this ought to be fun , “Logan!” virgil let logan start saying his order so then he could annoy Logan by interrupting him, “Yo, let me get a-” “milky way” he said as he put it on the counter, “ yeah, let me also get a-”, “daily news” virgil knew he was starting to get on his nerves once saw the way he looked at the paper on the counter, “ and a-” “post” virgil just smirked, logan’s smile was faltering, “And most important, my-” “ Boss’ second coffee, one cream-” LOgan always came for Mr. Rosario’s second coffee, he didn't really drink coffee from what virgil knew, “ five sugars” Logan tried to beat Virgil to saying it but they ended up saying it at the same time, dante just rolled his eyes, he knew Virgil would always win but he still cheered logan on. Once logan inevitably failed he tried to show his skills off to prove one day he might get to outsmart Virgil,“I'm the number one earner”, “what?!”, they both knew it was all in good fun,   “the fastest learner”

“what?!”, but sometimes virgil would irritate Logan and that's how they would end up with Logan teasing Virgil about him liking Roman, ,“my Boss can't keep me on the damn back burner!” “yes he can”  and Dante would be on LOgans team “i'm making moves, i’m making deals, but guess what” “what?” “you still ain't got no skills”, “hardee-har” virgil mocked, “ Yo, Roman Show up yet?” Virgil face was immediately up in flames, “shut up!” “hey little homie, don't get so upset” virgil know what to target on Logan but it was the same viceversa, “man..” he knew he couldn't stop this from happening anyway do he just kind of accepted it, “ Tell Roman how you feel, buy the boy a meal on the real, or you ain't got no skills-”

Logan was interrupted by someone coming in and virgil was thankful for it... until he looked up to see who it was, Roman distractedly talking to the phone so he probably didn't hear any of that (hopefully), “Nooo! No no nooo! No no nooo, no-no-no! Nooo, no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no-no!” well now virgil was curious to who he was talking to, Roman had always been someone extra and comfortable around everyone in the barrio but to just walk into the bodega while having an apparent important conversation was surprising nonetheless, “Mr. Johnson, I got the security deposit, It’s locked in a box in the bottom of my closet, It’s not reflected in my bank statement, But I’ve been savin’ to make a down payment and pay rent, No, no, I won’t let you down—” Roman made a pause to listen to the person on he other end of the call and Logan took this opportunity  to talk “ Yo, here’s your chance; ask him out right now!” Virgil pushed logan to shut him up because Roman was right there and he could hear him! “ I’ll see you later, we can look at that lease!” Roman seemed relieved and a small smile started creeping its way into his face, he still didn't seem fully calm but he looked more at ease.

“Do somethin’, make your move, don’t freeze!” His silent awe towards Roman  was interrupted as logan pushed him towards Roman just as he ended the call, so he had no way of escaping the situation, “Hey!”  “You owe me a bottle of cold champagne”! Virgil had almost forgotten completely about their bet, the first one to get out of the barrio has to get the other champagne, “ Are you moving?” virgil said it almost as if he were disappointed which was a surprise to himself, “Just a little credit check and I’m on that downtown train!” Roman said it with a smile lighting up his face, Virgil noticed he was staring, adn tried to act fast “ Well, your coffee’s on the house”, “okay!” Roman took the coffee and looked down in a shy way with a small smile , virgil had never seen him like that, “Usnavi, ask him out...” he heard Logan whisper shouting at him and he sincerely hoped that Roman hadn’t heard that, “No way!” Virgil heard Dante say to Benny and that comment kind of offended him, “I’ll see you later, so…” Roman said awkwardly and turned to leave the Bodega. “ Oooh... Smooth operator, aw, damn, there she goes! Yo, bro, take five, take a walk outside!  You look exhausted, lost, don’t let life slide! The whole hood is struggling, times are tight And you’re stuck to this corner like a streetlight!” after that Logan took his things and left the bodega.

“Yeah, I'm a streetlight,

Choking on the heat The world spins around while I'm frozen to my

Seat The people that I know all keep on rolling down the street But

Everyday is different so I'm switchin' up the beat Cuz my parents

Came with nothing They got a little more And sure, we're poor, but yo

At least we got the store And it's all about the legacy they left

With me, it's destiny And one day I'll be on a beach with Sonny

Writing checks                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

to me “

Virgil’s mood dropped as soon as those words came out of Logan’s mouth, he knew Logan didn't mean anything by it but that didn't stop his heart from dropping onto the Floor of his store, this was one of his fears to be stuck with his Bodega and be left behind by everyone else, everyone that cares for him or at least he thinks they- He stopped dead in his tracks, He couldn't be thinking like that, his parents did everything they could before they died to get this corner store and one day he's going to go back to his country just like him(?) and Abuela want  and Dante will have a stable life with the income he will get from the store and  his life will be bliss.

“ In the heights I hang my flag up on display We

Came to work and to live and we got a lot in

Common It reminds me that I came from miles away D

R., P

R., we are not stoppin'

In the heights

Every day, paciencia y fe

Until the day we go from poverty to stock options

In the heights I've got today

And today's all we got,

So we cannot stop This is our block In the heights I

Hang my flag up on display Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!

It reminds me that I came from miles away! “

Virgil can practically hear people's thoughts and dreams circling through the air but to be honest Virgil didn't really hear them...he felt the electric buzzing that came with the streets of the place he was raised. It was one of the many things he liked about his barrio at a quick glance it isn't much just a little place in New York filled with immigrants that have bigger dreams, bigger than themselves and everyone around them… its as if You cant walk through these streets without bumping into somebody's dream.

“ I Hang my flag up on display Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!

It reminds me that I came from miles away!

My family came from miles away— In the heights It gets more expensive

Every day Every day And tonight is so far away—

But as for mañana, mi pana Ya gotta just keep watchin'

You'll see the Late nights You'll taste Beans and rice The syrups and

Shaved ice I ain't gonna Say it twice ”  

They all knew were they came from, the sunniest places a person could ever go to. They all know the situation that is happening in the barrio , how no one is really here to stay, how this is just a stepping stool towards a bigger dream...but they didn't care. They all will know soon enough what is to come but for now…

“ Turn up the stage lights

We're takin' a flight To a couple

Of days In the life of what it's like

En Washington Heights! ”

----------------------------

@malaya-is-a-hoe​ I did it sis 

[dontyouhearmehowling]

oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

[eerythingisshaka]

The Coffee Prince Pt. 7

(T’Challa x Reader)

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3*  *Part 4* *Part 5*  *Part 6*

Word Count: 5.6K

T’Challa’s mouth hangs open as he tried to find the words to tell you what has been held back from you this whole time.

“(Y/N), I have to let you know that as King of Wakanda, I have more abilities than you know.  To have the throne, you have to have abilities bestowed upon you in order to protect it.  That is given to me through the Heart Shaped Herb-”

“So did you pass some ability to me?”  You ask, interrupting him.

T’Challa looks at you curiously.  “What do you mean?”

You sigh heavily, trying to get to the point.  “I mean, when we…” you glance from T’Challa to Shuri before whispering, “...you know... did it change me?  Am I changing on a molecular level?  Is that what Shuri saw in her wrist beads thingy?”  you ask, growing more stressed by the second.  “I had seen enough movies to assume that sometimes powers can be transmitted through contact with someone so maybe…”

T’Challa shakes his head, scoffing at your theory, “Ohhh, no, no.  That’s not possible, we just think you are pregnant.”  he says a little too matter-of-factly.

Your eyes widen as your mind goes blank with that word hitting your thought process. You then look down at your stomach, as if it would just start spontaneously growing.  You world moves slow as you look back at him, the man of your heart, who was supposed to protect you and have your trust.  T’Challa studies your face trying to read what’s wrong with you.  His mouth is moving but you don’t hear his words.  Shuri is back behind him a bit, looking like he is trying to diffuse a bomb.

Suddenly, you erupt.  “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I’M PREGNANT??!!”  You shout at the top of your lungs.

T’Challa jumps back, never having heard your voice at that level of anger spooked him.  “Umhle, please c-”

“I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO YOU AND NOW I AM PREGNANT?!  We JUST had sex!  We used condoms, what did you do??”  you shout in T’Challa’s face.  

Shuri has backed into the kitchen to give some level of privacy to the situation, while ensuring she doesn’t catch any second hand of the heat you were spreading.

T’Challa continues to try and talk you down sweetly.  “Love, I did, I know it, maybe one broke, but-”

“Did you use the regular ones, or the ones manufactured from home?”  Shuri asks from the kitchen.  

You and T’Challa look at her curiously.  The child was going to preach the birds and the bees to you.

She shrugs.  “Mother gave me the talk long ago, I am nearly grown!  But the ones here do not work like the ones from home.  With your enhanced abilities, semen-”

“Aye, aye, I don’t want to hear those words from you, Shuri.”  T’Challa says, shaking his head in disgust, plugging his ears.

Shuri looks at him with contempt.  “Grow up, T’Challa.  This mess is yours to straighten out, I’m just telling you facts.  If you had been honest completely from the beginning...”

You rub your temples trying to think, “Shuri, so his...you know….just, what?  Broke the condom?  Or seeped through or something?”

Shuri nods, “Something like that.  I remember Baba talking about a situation similar during a party.  It is how I got here…. and why I am the superior child.”  Shuri adds in jest.

“Enough!  I was never told any of this, I feel like if anyone should know, it would be me.”  T’Challa says.

Shuri holds her palms up.  “Well it’s not like there are multiple people with the heart shaped herb in their genetic code.  It was really just a rumor going around at first, but it may be fact proven today.”

You are pacing the floor, hyperventilating and trying not to go faint.  You sleep with T’Challa, who doesn’t tell you he is super human, or that his seed is, and that condoms don’t mean jack shit to him busting inside of you.  Perfect.

“(Y/N), did you not have birth control?”  T’Challa asks cautiously, not wanting to sound like he is placing blame.

You hide your face, frustrated at yourself now.  “Nooo, I hadn’t had to think about it before now cuz there was no point, so I just had an appointment made to get some afterwards, but I guess I’ll cancel that!”  You say, laughing like a person who lost their last brain cell.

T’Challa takes your hands, shushing you gently.  “Breathe, it’s fine, it’s going to be ok.  We will get through this.”

You look at him, heat rising from within you.  “What more can I get through?! Get through this past week and everything having happened in the last 3 hours??  How can I get through this, I still don’t know what’s going on!”

“Umhle-”

“No, T’Challa, no!  I have little patience right now for the sweet talk and-and calming tones, I need answers, not distractions!  You said you loved me, I can’t believe this.”  Your tears overflow as you begin to pace again.

T’Challa looks to you defiantly.  He cannot hide his offense when you tell him off.  “That was not a lie.  I have never lied to you.”

You turn towards him so quickly and stalk up to him so fast, Shuri hops up to come over between you two.

“Lies by omission are still lies, T’Challa!  You have been playing me for a fool, for what?!  To protect your precious kingdom from the gold digging, ignorant American girl that you just needed pop off in real quick?”

T’Challa looks away like you just spat in his face.  “Don’t speak like that.”

You shove him, what little that does.  “That shouldn't phase you,  huh,  Superman!  You don’t tell me what the hell to do!  I’m pregnant!  With a baby that I don’t know if I even want!  My friend is God knows where, going through God knows what with a madman wanting to kill you, me, or whoever he feels up to seeing bleed.  That’s what I’m going through, right the fuck now!  What about you?”  You point in his face, jaws clenched.  “What the hell would your father think of what you’re putting me through?”

Shuri comes back and breaks things up at this point.  “Ok, guys.  Take a breath.  We can’t fall apart before the mission even begins here.  You shouldn’t say things that you may regret (Y/N), sit, please.  T’Challa, hold your patience”

You sit down, trying to comprehend what you have to do.  Between your friend going missing and being a fresh 36 seconds pregnant, you were at the end of your rope.  And now T’Challa is just making things seem like a spilled milk situation made you resent him for not being as freaked out as you were.

T’Challa rubs his beard in thought, kissing his teeth.  “Do you...want to end the pregnancy?”

You stare at the floor fighting back the flood developing at the corners of your eyes.  “I don’t know.”

T’Challa scoffs, stretching his arms out before slapping them down beside his legs.  “I will support you…..whatever you decide….”  He doesn’t say it convincingly, before he starts to walk away.

“Do you want me to continue the pregnancy?”  You ask back at him, looking to him quizzically.

T’Challa remains still a moment.  “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“What does that mean?”

T’Challa’s shoulders rise and fall in exasperation.  “It means, I do not want to influence your decision.  I am here for you, either way.  I think this will affect our relationship either way, in what manner, only time can tell.”   T’Challa says.

Shuri speaks up as referee.  “Guys, it is probably best to get some rest for now.  I will contact Ayo, see if she can get a location on Erik and his crew so we can get Tavia back, ok?”

You nod absentmindedly as you lie back on the couch.

“No, you can have my bed upstairs, I’ll take the couch.”  T’Challa says.

You shake your head.  “I don’t want to be in there right now.”

“Then take a guest bedroom.  But you will not be sleeping on the couch.”  T’Challa protests softly.   You get up slowly, heading for the stairs.  “You do not have to treat me special because I am with child, you know.”

“I would not treat you any other way, in any circumstance.”  T’Challa says in a serious tone.  You decide not to test his patience any further as you head to a separate bedroom.  You lie down, turning over to observe the sky outside of your window.  You didn’t know how to feel, your head was pounding, you needed water from the alcohol at the club drying you out.  You avoided acknowledging whatever was happening within your body, as Shuri said, the scan could be flawed.  But either way, a Plan B is no longer a viable option for precaution.  Only an abortion from here on out.  Your stomach churned violently at the mention, so you get up to go get that water you desperately needed.  

Making it to the fridge to get a water bottle, you start up the stairs again, but pause halfway up as you notice voices from outside.  Shuri and T’Challa were talking in the back patio area.  You settle down on the stairs, clutching your bottle as you hesitantly listen in.

“What would the repercussions be to bring a child out of wedlock as a successor to the throne?”  Shuri asked.

“I do not know what the traditions are, but I can assure you, that I will not give up on my own flesh and blood for the throne.  You can take it, you know.”  T’Challa says.

“No, no.  Not in this lifetime, I like having you as my guinea pig for my updates to the tech.  Why would I willfully sign up in your place?  Anyway, you have the birthright, do what you have to do.  But then…..what if she decides to terminate?”

T’Challa pauses, hugging himself as he looks on into the distance.  “Then she terminates.  Simple as that.”

Shuri touches his arm with concern.  “But how would you feel, Brother?”

T’Challa looks down shaking his head.  “It would depend on when she did it, maybe?  The sooner, the better, but even that sounds wrong of me to say.   Even though she is hesitant too, I don’t want to seem disappointed in her for keeping it or for…..I just...I love her.  I care for her deeply, and the image of her being with child…”  He holds a hand to his chest.  “...warms my spirit, I admit.  Of course, I wish this had happened later than sooner.  It is still early in the relationship. I would’ve introduced her to Mother, married her, but these are the cards Bast has dealt.”

“You should've been more forthcoming, Brother.  Now she thinks the worst of you.”

T’Challa purses his lips.  “I know. It's difficult to gauge what to say, and when to say it.  I did have my position in mind, but it wasn't fair to her not to know.  Now she must feel she is having a baby by a stranger, so I have to make it right.  First by getting her friend from Erik and Klaue safely.”

“I am too young to be an aunt.”  Shuri say, making T’Challa laugh.

“Well you would have someone to boss around for once.  But do not speak of this with her.  I will remain indifferent until her mind is made.  I will not have anything to do with the decision making, it is all on her.  I just want to support her through it.”

On that note, you head back to your room for the evening to rest.  T’Challa’s words weighed heavily on you.  In no means do you want to hurt him intentionally with blame or saying you didn’t want the pregnancy, you just wished so much you guys were more careful.  In some way, you wish T’Challa would react to make your mind up.  If he would break up with you immediately, you couldn't have the baby.  But support and affection all just make you feel like nesting but like he said, what did you even know about him anymore?  Now other lives are in jeopardy due to his silence.

You swear you feel a flutter in your stomach but you pass it off as gas, still wanting to pretend your body is still yours alone in this bed.

In the morning when you wake up, you still feel tired from the other night but decide to get up and be productive.  Reaching for your phone, you see you have a missed call and voicemail.

“Chacha!!”  You call out, running downstairs.

T’Challa nearly collides with you halfway up the stairs.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?”

“She called, T’Challa, there’s a message!”  Your voice breaks as you speak.  Tavia is alive!

T’Challa’s eyes are wide with surprise, but maintains a cool head.  “Ok, we need to hear it.  She may have escaped and needs us.”

You nod as he leads you down the stairs.  Shuri comes from a back room after hearing the commotion.  “You have heard from her friend?”  

“Yes, we just got word from her.  Sit with us while we play it, we may need you to place her location.”  T’Challa tells his sister.

You all congregate around his coffee table, your hands shake as you imagine what the message might sound like.  T’Challa rubs your arm to put you at ease as you pull up your voicemail and put it on speaker.

As the message plays you hear Tavia breathing hard and frantic.  “(Y/N).....where did you go?......I don’t know where I am…..Please!  You gotta help me!”

The phone gets a bunch of background noise and movement is overheard before you hear the next voice.  “Don’t worry, I gotcha.  Heeyy, baby girl!”

Your blood ran cold as you recognized his voice.  That voice threatened to take you away on a cat and mouse game with T’Challa.

“Last I checked, your friend here was feeling me.  Shit, I don’t know what her deal is now…”

“Don’t fuckin touch me!”  Tavia says.  “OW!”

Erik kisses his teeth.  “Issa shame how pretty she is.  All that could change in a instant.  So you go head and tell T’Challa to bring your big ass back here if you wanna see your friend again.  We still gotta finish our drinks.”  

The message ends and you drop your head in agony, sobbing into your lap. Tavia was alive alright, in a living hell.

T’Challa kneels in front of your feet to comfort you.  “(Y/N), she is still alive, that is the best news we can have right now, remember that.  We can find her now, Shuri, can you trace the call?”

Shuri runs a geolocation program on her kimoyo beads.  “Way ahead of you.  He stayed on the phone long enough for me to get one…..Looks like a warehouse on 53rd and Ashland.”

“I will go there now.  Keep (Y/N) company while I handle this”  T’Challa orders.

“But he said he wants (Y/N) there!  You can’t risk going against his instructions, you don’t know what he may do.”  Shuri says.

T’Challa turns to her fuming.  “I will not risk (Y/N)’s life for his games!  He gets myself and whatever I have coming for him!  That is all he needs to worry about!”

You go up to T’Challa, wiping your eyes, putting a hand to his chest.  His heart felt like a speaker on blast in his chest.  “Don’t yell at your sister, Chacha, calm down.”

T’Challa closes his eyes tightly.  “You don’t know what this means to me to find him.  The fact that he got away from me, to get your friend in the first place shows my weaknesses and I must redeem myself.  It is unacceptable what has happened on my watch so far.”

You caress T’Challa’s face, admiring the wide innocence in his eyes to be the good man and great King he pushes himself to be.  The anger and insecurities etched deeply across his face, brow furrowed in intense inner monologues no doubt.  You bring your thumb up to his widow’s peak, brushing it upwards.  “Chacha, this is not about just you anymore.  This more than just bragging rights, this is my friend’s life, my life, yours.  Going in blind with emotion will only make it more probable to fail.  You gotta use your head, not your heart, to direct your strategy now.”

T’Challa eyes tell you so much more than he says.  They tell you you’re naive, that he is still very much so angry, that he loves you too much to fight against your words.  But as long as there was still respect for you, he would bend.  “You need to get dressed, but you will not leave my side.”  He says with a wag of his finger.  

You swipe his hand away, pulling him in for a kiss.  You hated to think so, but it felt more like a goodbye.

T’Challa drives you both down to the warehouse in question to get Tavia from her captor.  The drive over there is quiet as you were tensely biting your nails, not sure what to do with yourself.

T’Challa looks over at you taking your hand away from your mouth, kissing it.  “Everything will be fine.  As long as Tavia is out of there safely, all will be well.”

You hold tight to his knuckly, long hands; strong and determined against your shaky, uncertain ones.  “And you.  You need to come back too.”  You add.

T’Challa looks at you like he didn’t even think of that as an option, but quickly smiles.  “Naturally.  That is a given.”  

T’Challa stops the car a few yards back from the building.  “Remember, stay by me and be on the lookout for anything.  Let me know when something isn’t sitting right.”

As you all get out of the car, you look at the old and rusted abandoned looking building curiously.  No other businesses or main roads around, it was perfect to keep someone for an extended period of time.

T’Challa walks around the building entrance, pushing a button that should open a garage door but is out of order.  You continue to double check  your surroundings before he gets to a window and breaks it in with a nearby rock.

“Shit!  T’Challa be a little more quiet, eh?  How do you know no one is in there?” You say with a scolding  whisper.

T’Challa reaches through the window to the side of a door, working the lock to open it up.  “Shuri has the place surveilled.  She will let us know if we have company.”  

T’Challa steps inside slowly, looking right and left as you follow behind.  

“TAVIA, YOU IN HERE?!”  You shout out out of the blue.  T’Challa looks back at you like you’re crazy.  “What?  You said Shuri said nobody here.”

“Girl is that you??” a voice calls out.

You look around excitedly, “TAVIA!!  Where are you!?”

Tavia steps out from stack of boxes smiling and looking well.  “Oh my God!  Am I glad to see you bitch!”

Your legs lead you before your head can register your happiness.  You run over to your friend, arms outstretched as Tavia meets you halfway.

You both lock each other in an embrace as you both shriek in happiness, bouncing out your energy.

“Ladies, we will need to go soon.”  T’Challa insists.

You barely register his voice as you try to check in with Tavia.  “What happened to you?  After I left the club, I can’t believe you got taken.”

Tavia pulls back from you, fanning your face.  “Man, once you left, I wondered why the hell I was waiting so damn long by myself and went to check on you.  But when I did,  the dickhead Erik from the bar and Catwoman’s husband were out scrappin on the street!”

You shake your head,exhaling deeply.  “Girl, that was T’Challa!”

Tavia bucks her eyes out,  “Oh really??  Fighting like that?! Was that suit a part of the uhh, night y’all…”

Your jaw drops, pushing her arm.  “Tavia, shut the hell up!  I’m still just, ugh, girl, so much to tell you, come on.”

You take her hand to go, but she won’t move.  “Tavia, what’s up?  Let’s go, we can’t stay here all day, like you’d want to.”

Tavia looks at you with a defeated gaze.  “I’m sorry.”

You stutter in confusion, “Wha-what do you mean-”

“(Y/N)!”  T’Challa bellows.  As you turn around, you see T’Challa’s body become covered in little nano-looking parts, expanding all over him until he is enclosed in his signature catsuit, showing every curve and and cavern imaginable.  

“Whoa!”  You squeak in awe of his transformation.

Just then an explosion goes off at the front of the warehouse, sends you and Tavia staggering back.  A cloud of smoke covers everything as you try to make out where T’Challa went.

“T’Challa!!  T’Challa, are you alright?”

A figure emerges from the dust cloud decked out in armor and a foreign looking mask.  But it was not T’Challa.

“Wassup, baby girl?  You miss me?”

You cough as your lungs become upset from the blast.  “Who-”

“You don’t remember me darling?  That’s ok, me ya friend gonna keep good company with you.”  He says.

With a large pow, Erik gets brought down to his knees with a punch to the back of the head, T’Challa stands behind him in full garb.  

“Get out of here now!”  T’Challa commands as Erik strikes him in the shin to bring him down to his level as they fight on the floor.

You get up, covering your face to make your way through the smoke.  Tavia follows closely behind you.  As you both make it out into the fresh air, a van with the door open awaits you.  Coming around from the side of the vehicle, stands the surly looking white man that was Erik’s partner.

“Hello lovelies.  Fine afternoon, innit?”  His gravelly voice taunts you as he sneers.

You reach for Tavia to come with you desperately.  “Girl, we gotta run!  He and Erik were after me that night!”

Tavia looks at you with a hardened stare.  “I know I was there.”

You pause a moment, giving her a once over.  “Tavia...why are you so calm?”

Tavia laughs hysterically.  “Oh, sis, ain’t nobody gonna die.  This is dramatic though, right?  Well hell, I guess I done flew over the cuckoo’s nest now.  But honey, you ain’t gotta worry, we got you.”

You look from her back to Klaue, who raises a gun up in your direction.  “Just take some slow steps up to the van and we will handle the rest.”

Tavia waves Klaue off.  “Nah, I told y’all not to be like that, I got it!”

Your eyes pierce daggers into Tavia.  “Tavia!  You with them now?  The fuck is wrong with you??”

Tavia pulls a gun from behind her back, holding it by her side.  “Get in the van and I can tell you about it.  I won’t point this at you, but I want this to go as smooth as possible, without hurting you or anybody else, aight?”

Erik’s body flies out from the warehouse, landing hard on the concrete.  Tavia takes you by the arm to shuffle you into the van with Klaue.  She shuts the door behind you all as Klaue starts up the engine.  

Looking out of the back window as the van pulls off, you see T’Challa has Erik by the throat before tossing him away to start after the van, but falls back after short while.

You turn back to Tavia, fuming.  “What are you doing with them, Tavia?”

Tavia picks at her nails.  “Oh, stop.  Ain’t nobody gonna hurt you, I said.  This isn’t what this is all about.  You’re just a little piece to the whole puzzle, is all.”

“So then why are you doing this?”You ask puzzled.

Tavia turns to you like this is a candid girl chat all of a sudden.  “Well, I never got around to telling you, but I met Erik a couple weeks ago from swiping on the apps, right?  And I mean, he is really smart, and fine like come on!  And you know, he knows the world, and he’s been through a lot, and I really just support his cause.”

“His cause?  But what does he want with T’Challa?”

“Oh him?  That’s just family mess.  But I did not know that the leather bound kitty was your man!  Girl, you been holding out details on me, for what?!”  Tavia exclaims.

You blink your eyes in frustration.  “Tavia!  How are you talking to me like this is just some everyday shit?  Did he fuck up your head when he got you?”

Tavia chuckles to herself.  “Listen I am fine.  I’m seeing the world in a new light, is all.  Why are our people settling for handouts from the White man, when we can build our own shit, make our own laws!  People think we are progressing because there aren’t ‘colored only’ signs, but trust me, they are still there in the way they police us.  That’s what Erik wants to change, but he needs support from family that ain’t tried to find him.  Now, Erik getting ahold of you, was no part of mine, but he said he needed to get T’Challa’s attention, so that was the way!  He promised me he wouldn’t pull no dumb shit or I’d be out, quick!”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.  Nothing that Tavia was saying made any sense to correlate with what you were witnessing.  

“But Erik wants T’Challa’s neck!  He ain’t here to talk, you see they been fighting non-stop!”  you explain.

“That’s just some surface level, family shit!  Once that’s out their system, they’ll have time to talk.  T’Challa just mad someone can come for his throne now.”

“What do you mean family shit?  And he is already king, that’s a done deal...right?”  you ask.

“Oh no baby, that can be challenged, ‘specially since they first cousins!  T’Challa and the Wakandans never gave him a thought, they need to let him in.  T’Challa didn’t tell you?”

You rub your forehead aggravated.  “He hasn’t told me a lot of things apparently.  I got some much shit with him, that’s what I was going to tell you about but...I can’t trust you, girl.”

Tavia looked at you offended.  “Come on, ain’t nobody-”

The loud crash of metal on metal shakes you both up as you hold onto your seats to keep from getting ejected.  Over and over again the van is rammed from behind, you try and keep yourself grounded to see what the cause is.

“Girl, is that car driving on its own??”  Tavia squawks.  

You blink repeatedly, but your eyes are not deceiving you as you see the driver’s side is empty.  It was T’Challa’s car, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Klaue growls with anger.  “Dammit!  The Wakandans are here!  You have your gun girl!?”

Tavia shakes her head, looking ready to cry.  “No man!  I ain’t shootin shit!  I told y’all that!”

You feel heat coming from your Kimoyo beads as a light beams from it.  You hold your palm out as Shuri comes into focus.

“Hey!  Are you alright in there?”  She asks you.

You nod.  “Uh huh.    But T’Challa’s car is coming after us, but he isn’t in it.  No one is!”

Tavia looks around Shuri’s image cautiously.  “Girl, did iOS get and update?  We got hologram handhelds now?”

Shuri smirks apologetically to you.  “Yeah, that is my fault.  I had T’Challa put an remote control device on the engine so that I can tap in and drive if needed.  It never takes long for my services to come in handy.  Just hold tight, we are getting you out of there now.”

“Who’s we-”

A large thud hits the top of the van as a spear shoots through the ceiling between you and Tavia.  You both collectively scream as the foreign object retracts back.  

Klaue exclaims in fear.  “Shit!  Now we’re really in it.  Girl if you don’t get a weapon aimed now, they’ll have you head!”

Tavia is still screaming.  “The fuck!  I ain’t shootin nobody!  How you know that ain’t Erik?”

A loud whistle screams through the air as a gleam of light flashes in front of the windshield.  Sticking in the ground with a thwack, Klaue has no time to steer out of the way before the van goes airborne, flipping in the air, landing on its top.

You both took a tumble inside the van, you rub your head and neck from the whiplash.  “Gatdamn, Tavia, are you aight?”  you ask, trying to move your body from the twist it was in.

Tavia coughs.  “Yeah, just got the wind knocked out my ass.”  

“Good, cuz I’m going to kick yours once we oughta this, bitch, taking me through all this bullshit.”  you say through your teeth.

Tavia rolls over, sitting slightly upright.  “The day you kick my ass is the day the Kardashians swear offa Black men.”

“Fuck you.”  You quip.

“(Y/N)?”  a voice calls out from the side of the vehicle.

You turn slowly to look and see a bald woman, in beautifully adorned red and gold armor and garment, enough to make Grace Jones tumble into a puddle.

“Hello, my apologies for the rough stop.  I hope I have not hurt you.”  

“No, you haven’t, thanks.  Are you someone with T’Challa?”

She nods.  “The King is not with me right now, but I am part of his guard.  My name is Ayo.”

She smile weakly, thankful for some assistance on the right side of things.  “Your voice told me all I needed to know.”

Klaue writhes in the driver’s seat; looks as though he got a good hit in the front of his face, bloodied.

“We must hurry (Y/N), there is no time to stick around here.”  Ayo says holding out a hand to help you out.

As you come to standing you ask, “What about Tavia?”

Ayo looks to the car.  “That is her in there?”

You nod as Ayo peers down through the window again.  “Come on out then.  Are you seriously injured?”

Tavia crawls out, trying to avoid broken glass.  “No, I’m good.”

“Fine.  Then I also have orders to take you back to Wakanda with us, as well.”  Ayo says.

“What?  Why are we still going to Wakanda, you stopped them, haven’t you?”  You question, stress building up again.

Ayo looks to you.  “We still do not have a confirmation from the King on the combatant.  We hope to hear back soon, but for now my focus is to get you both out of here.”

“Well, why the hell am I going?  I don’t know a damn thing about that country, no passport on me, nothing.”  Tavia says.

“You will need none of that.  We cannot risk the life of (Y/N), or their child for your part in the combatant’s plan.  You will be segregated from the population until we figure out what to do with you.”

“There is no child!”  You say swiftly.  You still denied any kind of pregnancy until you could get to a doctor.

Tavia’s mouth moves in many ways until words fell out.  “Wait, what?  I never said I was fucking with people’s kids, man!  I don’t know anything about a baby!”  Tavia says.

Ayo looks confused.  “I’m sorry, I must’ve spoken out of turn…”

You sigh.  “No, I just want to make sure of things first.  And at this stage, it’s not a child anyway-”

“(Y/N), you pregnant?”  Tavia says, looking at you flabbergasted.

You roll your eyes.  “Not completely proven true yet!  Shuri just checked my vitals and found something to be off with hormones or whatever.  I haven’t even pee’d on the stick yet!”

Tavia smirks.  “This nigga busted his trojan horse all up in your barricades, huh?  Girl you ARE a FREAK!”

You fought back the urge to laugh.  Even when she was being insane in her logic, she still had that charm that kept you rolling.  “Tavia!  It wasn’t like that!”

Ayo calls something in Xhosa on her kimoyo beads, and soon after an aircraft appears in the distance like an apparition.

Tavia and you are still going back and forth about you getting knocked up when Ayo reminds Tavia that she is not to try and flee or fight, or she will face consequences.

“If you don’t want me out, why don’t you cuff me, sis?”  Tavia asks, suddenly tough again.

Ayo turns to her slowly, gaze unshifting.  “You did see what I did to the van, yes?  Imagine what else I can do.  The Dora do not require handcuffs.”

Tavia just nods, satisfied with the answer.  “What about Klaue?  You gonna take him?” you ask.

Ayo looks at the wreckage like it was a paper jam.  “Eh, let him bleed out.”

As the aircraft opens for them to board, you get on with all the anxiety in the world.  You felt woozy from the excitement, probably brought on by pregnancy sickness as well, and you still hoped that was all in your head too.  Nothing was ever normal anymore; from men to sex to getting from one place to the other.  You prayed T’Challa would get back soon, safely; you didn’t know what the hell to do in a country you’ve never seen, with people unknown.  Not even Tavia was a saving grace for you, since she became a part of this mess, how much more could you take.  

Part 8

Other Works:

King Kil’mawalls  

T’akia

N’Jadaka’s Helpful Hands

Some Weeks Are Better Than Others

Commencement Day

Wakanda Got Y’all

If I Could Do It All Again

#SundaySweat

Song of Stevens

Signs of Rain

World’s Best Baba

My Ragtag

@sweetpeachjones@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade@universalbri @therevolution-willbelive@you-like-this-chain @sarcastic-sunshines@airis-paris14@afraiddreamingandloving@kreolemami@lalapalooza718 @syreanne@thiccdaddy-mbaku@she-is-golden @wakanda-inspired @90sinspiredgirl@bidibidibombaclaat @sithlordslut@brujademente@chaneajoyyy @slimmiyagi @lewatigress @shesakillerkween

[hey-hey-chan]

Magic Shop - Minho

❀ Slight angst with some laughter 

❀ Warning: mentions of death/loss 

❀ Word count: 3.9K

❀ Working at your local cafe that’s always mistaken as a magic shop is quite tiresome. What happens when it’s more magical than you thought?

❀ A/N: Because i’ve been listening to Magic Shop so often ,, this idea just popped into my head I guess :// this is diff on how i imagined it but whatever that’s how life works. I actually wrote this cuz i was having a tough time and i just needed to relax and breathe. Take things slowly, the world is not as fast paced as you think and stay strong,, this was the point of this fic but it turned ,, idk man

beware i didnt proofread

“What do you mean you don’t sell magic tricks here?! I came all across town just to find something for my son! If-” I took a deep breath and gave the man a nice smile.

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t sell any magic toys or anything like that here. We’re just a cafe, I could get you a coffee-” Before I could finish, the man was waving his hands at me and stomping out of the door along with his clearly upset wife.

I took a deep sigh and returned to wipe down the tables. It was almost 10pm and the cafe was closing up in an hour, yet we barely got costumers around this time. 

I scrubbed the table harder, still upset about the event that just took place. I’d gotten similar angry people who had stormed into the cafe thinking it was some sort of magic shop. 

Ok, I guess I should’ve expected it before I applied for this job. I mean the name of the shop is called “Magic Shop”. I just assumed that people would look up what’s actually inside of the shop instead of barging in and demanding random knick knacks.

“I’m heading out first y/n, close up shop for me?” I nodded to the elderly man. 

“Yeah sure, have a nice night.” I said. He dipped his hat to me, walking slowly on his way out. For some reason, I got the courage to say “hey, what did you even name this cafe Magic Shop?” Once he turned around, I continued. “Everyone gets confused on the name anyways, wouldn’t it be easier to change?” I suggested. 

As always, the man gave me a small smile and shook his head. “I think the name of this place fits it. It’s quite magical. Magic comes to those who work here and believe int it.” Before I could ask more questions, the man said a quick “goodnight” before exiting quickly. I grumbled and returned to cleaning up shop. 

“Magical my ass. The only thing magic about here is how many people come in thinking we’re an actual magic shop without researching about it.” I whispered furiously to myself. 

As I was turned to walk to the employees room, I heard the familiar buzz which signaled that someone walked into the shop. I turned and saw a young couple walking towards me. 

Oh great, people. 

I gave them a quick fake smile and returned to the cash register. 

“Hi! Welcome to Magic Shop, what can I get for you two?” I asked nicely. The young man, about my age, smiled handsomely at me. 

“Hm, what do you want babe?” He asked to the other girl beside him. The pair looked like the perfect couple; she had light brown hair and was wearing a brown dress while the man was dressed in dark jeans and a button down. I wish I could have that once again. 

Suddenly, their perfect facade broke when the girl rolled her eyes. 

“Get me whatever.” She muttered. I almost cringed when she let go of his hand to fumble through her purse and pulled out her phone. 

I looked back at the boy and made awkward eye contact. I tried not to put judgement into my eyes but all he did was sigh.

“Um, how’s the tiramisu?” He asked looking through the clear glass. 

“The tiramisu? That’s actually my favorite, it’s SO good. Ours has a bit more rum in it than usual, but that’s personally how I like it.” I admit. He gave me a smile smirk and nodded.

“Wow, that’s cool ‘cause that’s the way I like it too. I get slightly irritated when there’s just too much coffee.” He distorted his face and shook his head. I laughed at his antics. 

“Great, so would you like that for here or to go?”

“To go please.” 

I nodded and reached into the glass to get a slice of cake. 

“AHEM!” I swear I almost bonked my head on the top of the shelf. I poked my head up and stood.

“Is there a-” 

“I can’t eat cake, I’m on a strict diet!” The girl cried out. I knew better than to get involved in relationship drama. Unfortunately, it happens a lot more often at cafes than one thinks. 

“Babe, c’mon, it’s one slice, that won’t do anything to you! Plus, you’re the one who didn’t want to choose the-”

The girl slammed her hand on the shelf, making it rattle. My eyes widened in shock.

“Stop that! You’re always taunting me and putting me down and I’m sick of it! Come back when you’re done eating your cake!” Then she turned her gaze towards me. “And when you’re done flirting with that stupid cashier!” The childish girl ran out of the cafe, taking her attitude with her. 

Once I thought she was over, she stormed back into the cafe. “Actually don’t waste your time coming back! I’m sick of you!” She screamed and ran out again.

The boy and I stood in shock for a while until he groaned and looked out the window, hoping to find her there. But instead we saw her get into a taxi and drive away. 

“Um, do you still want that cake?” I asked awkwardly. I was a cashier, I was supposed to be happy at all times. I wasn’t trained on how to deal with messy breakups...or whatever that was. 

The boy didn’t answer my question so I closed the shelf and took out a slice just in case. If he didn’t want it, then I would be glad taking it home.

I watched him slump against the chair and sigh. “You ever had any messy breakups?” His question was totally normal, yet I still felt a pain in my chest at the question. 

“Um, sorta.” I answered blandly. He raised a brow but then turned away to look out the window. He loosened his tie and relaxed.

“Yours worse than mine?” He asked hesitantly. I shrugged and put the cake behind me, assuming he wasn’t going to eat it.

“Probably, but to everyone, their breakup is always the worst.” I fiddled with my uniform. For some reason, it felt normal to talk to this boy about something I’d never been able to talk about before. 

“Yeah you’re probably right.” He fiddled with the sugar stand on the counter. “How young were you?” He asked. I hesitated, then sighed.

“I was 15. He was 17.” I noted casually, taking off my apron and hanging it up. He scoffed.

“15? That hardly counts then. How bad could it have been?” 

I felt like worlds passed by before I mustered up the courage to speak again. 

“He got hit by a car. Passed two days later.” I whispered out. The boy turned to me in shock and I knew he regret his words.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-” I cut the boy off, not wanting to hear anymore.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. It was no one’s fault. I wish I could blame someone, but I can’t.” I muttered. 

I dimmed the lights out and looked to the boy.

“I’m closing now, so I guess our conversation has to end here.” He got the hint and stood, gathering his jacket he had taken off. 

“Hey, I’m really sorry for pushing. I guess I’ve been so full of myself lately, thinking my relationship was the worst.” He ran his hands through his hair and chuckled bitterly. “I guess I took for granted that I could just get out of the relationship if I wanted.” I shrugged and tussled my hair out of it’s ponytail.

“I guess. But you should’ve live like someone will die any minute.” 

I grabbed my keys as we both headed to the door. 

“Then, how do you live?” I paused for a moment, unsure how to answer his question.

“Like I will.” 

-----

“Sorry, we don’t sell cards and magic books here, sorry.” I repeated the same line once again. I flinched back once I saw the angry reactions of the people. 

“Maybe you should rename your goddamn shop then!” The kids marched out and talked bad about me behind my back. I blew out a huff of air and saw my bangs fly up. 

I frowned once I saw other people who popped into the shop walked out as well. I hate this place so much. 

“It’s your break now y/n.” I nodded to the other girl and almost ran to the back room. 

“Rough day?” My boss asked. He was an elderly man who did nothing but say ambiguous statements and made bad jokes.

“It can’t be because I saw no dogs!” He chuckled at his joke while I stared at him, wondering if he actually thought that was funny.

I instead sipped on my coffee and sighed. “Not any different from the ones before. People are still upset that we aren’t a magic shop. Maybe we should just become one so appease them.” I joked. The old man chuckled and slapped his leg.

“But that would break the purpose of this shop!” I raised a brow.

“Making a shop called Magic Shop into an actual magic shop would defeat the purpose of this shop?” 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Then it wouldn’t be magic anymore.” I gave him a hard stare and felt defeated at his words. What the hell did that even mean?

Then the man looked at me, frowning. “Hey, why aren’t you dating? I saw that boy from this morning chatting you up and you did...nothing!” He exclaimed, almost baffled that I wouldn’t flirt with cute boys.

I shrugged and drank more coffee. “Um, sorry, I only date men who wear cologne in a green bottle and sing Christmas songs in the summer time. Oh and he also has to have a pencil collection and have socks for every day of the week.” He scoffed and shook his head at my detailed response. He ignored me. 

“You’re still young and vivacious.” I was about to question to word choice but he went on. “You’re supposed to be breaking hearts and then piece them back together.” He made little sewing movements which made me break into laughter.

“Hah hah, you’re hilarious.” I spat, but with less bite than usual. I knew the old man was just looking out for me. 

He sat still in his spinny chair, saying nothing which was odd for his normal behavior. 

“You can’t let one bad experience ruin your entire life. People leave, people are lost; only you can continue to move on.” My expression turned hard at his statement, but I softened when I remember his wife had also pass not too long ago. “Sometimes all you can do is just drink tea and stare at the universe. Let the calmness fill you more than the experiences you’ve had, and that’s how you rejuvenate yourself.”

Before I could ask what that meant, he turned back to his computer and started typing again. I listened to the rhythm of his fingers hitting the keys and the sound of the people shouting outside. 

“S-sorry, I-I’m I-” I sighed and stood. The young, new girl at the cash register was too shy to tell people off and was always terrible at staying calm. 

“Hey, let her deal with it.” He muttered. I raised a brow and pointed at the door.

“Do you hear her? I’m afraid she’ll have a panic attack in front of all these people.” I said harshly. 

“She needs to get stronger.”

“Well, some people are already strong.” I retorted. He held his fingers to his lips and pointed outside. I listened on to the commotion outside.

“Sorry we don’t sell magic stuff here! Go somewhere else and buy it!” I heard the dainty and shaky voice yell. I heard the buzz of someone leaving the cafe and I knew they left. 

I looked over at the older man and he smiled. 

“You’re never born strong, you just have to be strong sometimes.” I let his words resonate through my brain, chewing on the words. 

I sighed and turned to the door again.

“And I do hope you go on a date with the boy who visited last night.” My eyes widened and I jumped back in shock.

“W-what? How did you even know about-”

“Hey, your break is done. Tick tock.” 

----

“Drink tea and stare at the universe. What the hell does that even mean?” I mumbled to myself. The shop was empty as it was almost closing time. I had to talk to myself to fill the silence. 

As I was about to walk out the door, I took a moment of silence for myself. 

“Dammit.” 

Those were the last words I said before I was sitting in a chair, sipping on some tea. It wasn’t as romantic looking as someone would imagine. I was drinking passion fruit tea and it was a bright pink. It was in a plastic cup since I was sick of doing the dishes. It was no small, dainty white cup with smoke steaming from it. It was just fruity iced tea.

Yet, the old man was right, I felt at peace. 

Until I heard a buzz come from the door. 

“Who the-” I whispered. As I turned around, I saw the boy from last night staring back at me. I froze from shock.

“Um, hey, it’s me again.” He chuckled. I nodded, taking a sip from my tea.

“Yeah, I remember.” I laughed. He held out a hand.

“Minho.” 

“Y/n.” I shook his head, wondering why the guy was so formal.

I noted he was holding flowers and raised a brow. 

“Oh these? I don’t even know, some guy just handed these to me on the streets and I didn’t have the heart to say no.” He giggled childishly. 

I felt my nose getting itchy and a sneeze about to form. “Well, I’m allergic, so, um.” His eyes widened in panic. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! Um, I should.” Before I could give him ideas, he opened the door and set them outside. “There, gone.” 

“Thanks.” I then nodded to the counter. “Want something?” He shook his head.

“Nah, I should be heading home soon. I put a roast in the oven before I left.” I scoffed at his words. Who puts something in the oven and then just leaves their house?

“Well, what did you come here to say then?” I felt his nervousness roll off in waves. I could almost expect what was coming.

“Um, well, I was just gonna ask for your phone number. But, I feel really awkward right now and usually I’m good at this and-” He stopped when I started laughing. “Look, I just wanna be friends.” I raised a brow mockingly.

“Oh wow, first last words before friends becomes something else.” Now it was his turn to raise a brow.

“Well, I wouldn’t be too upset at that.” 

I said nothing at that response. Then, I cut the boy some slack. I pulled out my phone and gave it to him.

“Here. Type yours in.” He looked at me with happy eyes and quickly typed it in.

“I’m going to be 100% honest, I had no idea what I was thinking when I was coming over here today. All I knew is I wanted to talk to you more.” I nodded.

“I get that. Sometimes you need to just go with your gut.” 

A wave of silence over whelmed us. 

“So that roast.” I nodded hurriedly. 

“Yeah, so, see you around I guess?” I turned to walk out the door, but he caught me softly on the wrist.

“Wait, how are you getting home?” He asked. 

“Uh, by bus.” 

“I’ll drive you.” I shook my head. “Oh c’mon, it’s late and I bet the last bus already left.” I checked my clock. It didn’t. 

I paused to give him an answer.

“Ok, fine, I’ll go with you.” I felt my heart burst when he smiled widely.

“Great, let’s go to my house first so I can take out my roast.” I let out a loud bark of laughter and followed him to his car.

I got in and noted his clean car. 

“It’s pretty clean.” I noted. He shook his head and nodded.

“Yeah, I used to have to clean it because Sooyoung loved it clean. But now it’s over so.” He shrugged. I patted him on the shoulder.

“Sorry, dude.” He gave me a look.

“Do I really seem that upset about it?” 

“No, but I felt like I had to do something.” He let out a chuckle and shook his head. He moved a bottle to the side to make way for my tea. 

“Sorry, I don’t know why I have my cologne in here. I hope you’re not sensitive to smells.” I stared at the green bottle and shook my head.

“Nope. My nose is strong just like my mind.” He laughed and started the car. He slipped in a DVD and pushed a few buttons. “You like DVD’s still?” He gasped and feigned offense.

“Hey, I like the feeling of DVD’s in my car.” He pressed the play button. “Sleigh bell’s ringing, are you listening?” He sang to the first line. I felt my heart drop. 

“A-are you singing Christmas songs in the summer?” I stuttered out. The car was filled with the familiar tune of Winter Wonderland which filled me of memories of snow and hot chocolate. 

The boy laughed heartily. “Yes, Christmas songs are the best songs. Also, fun fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a way to cool down in the summer. You’re reminded of snow and joy that you don’t mind the heat and sadness as much.” I scoffed at his words, but nonetheless enjoyed the song selection.

“Hey, I don’t judge man. I love it too.” I shrugged. I loved the winter time. The heat always made me insanely bored and sad. I felt no motivation to do anything, plus I had no AC. The boy gave me an odd look.

“Really now? How did your last boyfriend deal with that?” He laughed. I sighed and looked out the window. Suddenly his face dropped. “Oh shoot, I’m sorry-” I waved it off.

“It’s fine! I mean, he personally hated it, as did everyone else.” I shrugged the topic off. “Honestly, we were polar opposites, more like friends than anything romantic to be completely honest. I was a sophomore and he was a senior: it felt like we were worlds apart, ya know?” He nodded and turned into a driveway,. 

“Yeah, I get that. But that doesn’t stop the guilt does it?” He asked softly. I shook my head as he turned off the radio.

“No, I think it makes it worse honestly. Like I feel guilty that I didn’t love him the way I was supposed to.” I muttered out. The pain was so old that it felt like a residual emotion. I could live life without him, but the guilt felt so fresh.

We pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. It was a nice house for a young guy like him.

“I hope you don’t mind the mess.” He noted before unlocking the door. As the door was flung open, everything was fairly neat. There were a few blankets and papers sprawled over the place, but that wasn’t what caught my eye. 

“Is that...a pile of pencils?” I asked quietly. He looked behind himself and saw what I was staring at. He laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. 

“Oh yeah, um, I’m actually a college professor. What people don’t know is that the pencils these clumsy children leave behind are MINE.” He laughed maniacally and I couldn’t help but bursting into fits of laughter as well.

“Wow, I guess I’ll never drop my pencil in your class then.” He rolled his eyes. He stepped into the kitchen and pulled out the roast that looked magnificent. 

“I have a feeling I would give yours back though.” He gave me a sly smile and dusted his hands off. I rolled my eyes at the man, yet blushed anyways.

“So, what school do you teach for?” I asked. His eyes lit up at the question.

“Oh, I taught at Korea University actually.” Damn, this guy must be smart. Then I realized something.

“Korea Uni? Isn’t that pretty far from here?” He nodded and sighed. 

“Yeah, actually, despite the pay being really good, I just felt like the school wasn’t for me. So the reason why I’m here actually is I applied for a job at a local college here. The pay isn’t much less, plus it’s much more cooperative with the students.” I nodded in awe. 

“Wait, why do you have a house here then?”

“Oh, this is my parent’s. They’re out of town so they let me use it. Hence the scattered mess. I’ll have to clean it before I leave.” I nodded, fiddling awkwardly at my fingers. 

“That means if you don’t get the job...you’ll have to leave.” I muttered sadly. He nodded with a long sigh.

“Yeah...but let’s just both hope I get the job.” A wave of silence ran over us, but was quickly ended by the boy. 

Minho stared at the roast and then back at me. “Hey, do you wanna stay for dinner?” 

Usually, I would feel compelled to say no. But I looked at how big the roast was, and sighed.

“Sure.” 

----

I leaned over the counter boredly as work was slow today. Almost no one was here except a few stragglers who came in to get a coffee or something. Also, there was a few people who came in thinking this was a magic shop. I hope one day I will be able to say yes. 

“Y/n, good morning.” The older man walked in and tipped his hat at me. I gave him a small smile and tipped my visor back. 

“Morning, boss.” 

“Slow day?” I nodded furiously. “You know what they say about slow days? Those are the best days!” I scoffed at that remark.

“No, no one says that.” 

Work was so slow that I actually had time to brew myself a coffee and drink it, trying to stay awake during my shift. As I was dozing off, I heard a buzz come through the door. I shot up from my chair.

“Hi, wel-” I stopped my sentence when I saw the familiar boy in front of me. I scoffed and tilted my hat up. “Welcome to Magic Shop, how can I help you?” His eyes were bright.

“I got the job.” He stated randomly. I squinted my eyes at him.

“W-what?”

“I got the job! I’m staying here for until a long time.” He laughed at that sentence but I was so happy for him.

“Oh my gosh, that’s awesome. I would hug you but I’m on shift.” He shrugged and gave me a small smirk.

“Don’t worry, I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.” He then started to back away and moving to out the door. “I need to head to a meeting now, but, I’ll see you tonight? Maybe? I’ll probably be here before you close.” I laughed and nodded.

“I’ll be here.” I called out. He gave me one last smile before he exited the place, leaving me in a girlish frenzy.

“Huh, I guess this place is magic after all.”

“TOLD YA SO!” 

[2spry]

Ozark Foothills 50k Race Recap

Oh man… so I don’t even know where to start. I guess at the beginning. This was my first race back since I broke my foot, 1 year to the day actually. I still can’t believe it worked out that way. I was looking at races that were easy to travel to, and that were loop courses. I wanted a looped course in case my foot said “nope” and I needed to hop off course easily. I signed up for this race only 5 weeks out! I had had a year of major ups and downs, with multiple attempts at upping mileage with no avail. Every time I tried to increase or even add in a little speed work or hill training, my foot would blow up. When I say blow up, the pain would be bad enough to cause me to limp. It wasn’t until really February where I was not having much pain anymore. I hit, on average, in the 60-70 mile range for Jan and Feb, with 116 miles total in March. I also had only 2 speed work sessions (they were easier ones). So I signed up with the goal of only using this as a training run, to make sure my foot could handle the distance. If it did, I was going to pick a longer race next and really train for it! I was extremely nervous because having your foot snap during a race is very scary and the pain is something you never forget. I have had to work hard on my mind this past year because the fear was really taking over. The mind is so powerful. Working hard on mental training has been a huge help for me. That is one of my weaknesses.

The day before the race was crazy!!! I thought I really had everything lined up, but so many things happened which led to getting off late. It worked out though! This was an Altra sponsored race so I was also going to the packet pickup to help out my local Altra rep Erica, and I was covering the race for Road Runner Sports on their Instagram account. Doing both of these things was incredibly fun for me! I love new experiences! Plus, it got me out of my head!!! They had a screening of The Double, and the speaker was Jeff Browning (aka @GoBroncoBilly). It was chalk full of awesome information. One of the main things I took away from his talk was to slay the negative thoughts of the mind. I know this, but to hear someone so accomplished say that they have to do this all the time, really brought it home to me. The mind is so powerful. Once that was over we headed to the hotel.

We got to the hotel around 8:45ish and headed to the room. So far everything had been rather uneventful. Then the room keys wouldn’t work and we got locked out! Phones were in the room (key worked at first and then just wouldn’t, no idea). Anyway, we finally got everything in and ate dinner around 9:30. While I was eating, I realized, oh my goodness, I forgot to get my race packet!!! LOL!!! I mean who does that!?!? Goes to the race packet pickup and forgets to pickup their race packet!?!? Me apparently. Thank goodness they had race day pickup! Then we realized we forgot the bottom to the electric kettle for coffee in the am. Oh well. The front desk was able to provide it. After all that, I finally headed to sleep close to midnight. And sleep I didn’t.

Up at 3:45 exhausted! However, I did not have a headache or migraine which was HUGE!!! I cannot remember a race where I didn’t have one of those the night before or the day of. (When I ran my 50 miler, I had a migraine from the night before and it didn’t abate for 7 hrs of the race!) Not having a headache gave me such a boost!!! We got there at around 6:15 and it was foggy and dark. I had thought for a moment that it wasn’t going to lift, making a note to bring my headlamp next time just in case. It did finally lift and turned into a gorgeous sunrise!

I was super nervous, freezing (yes me the cold weather runner was freezing lol!), and very thankful once she blew the horn to start. I kept reminding myself that this is a training run, no pressure! I started out very conservative. I was really watching my footing (I did the whole race) and just trying to ease into a steady easy pace. It did take me awhile to warm up, but once I got going I felt pretty good! I would say after the 5th mile I felt like I was getting in a groove, getting more comfortable with the terrain, but I could feel my lack of training then too. Just the amount of vert and all the rocks and roots that I am not used to. My quads and ankles let me know that really quick, but I told my mind to shut it, slayed those negative thoughts, and told myself to just enjoy this! (There was 3,800 ft of ascent so lots of hills) I started to look around at the beauty of where I was and just got really emotional. Here I was running, in a gorgeous area, on trails, in an ultra, healthy. What a blessing!!! That gave me a boost and I started to pick up the pace. I think this was around mile 10-12. I started to pass people, but I had no idea what race they were running. You are on the course with 25k, 50k, and 50 mile runners.

Coming through the half, I felt really good! I really was ultra conservative with my footing and therefore hadn’t fallen yet. My upper body felt really good, and I know a big part of this was because of my new race vest fitting seamlessly. Super important to find one that works for your body! I filled up my water bladder with Ultima Replenisher, and headed out! But then had to run back cuz I forgot my MUIR gels!!! LOL! Made a bathroom pitstop and finally headed out. I had no stomach issues with that combination, it worked well!

The hardest mile for me was 17. My hands started to swell like crazy! I was using salt, so I didn’t know why I was swelling so bad. Still unsure of the cause. They were so swollen that I actually thought I was going to have to cut off my ring. I was feeling a bit more tired, and just kind of worried. I started opening and closing my hands and telling myself it was going to be fine. Then, about a mile or two later, it started to go down a bit and relief washed over me. I began to think about all my friends that can’t run right now and began running miles for them, praying for them and for this race. I started to pick up the pace. Once I started running, I began to catch up to people. It was so spread out at this point that passing was pretty easy. I hit a string of two people and wanted to pass them but I kept thinking, no they are keeping you conservative, you don’t want to blow up you’ve come so far. I was kind of panicking. I felt so good I thought it was a fluke. So I stayed for too long. Finally I told myself what are you doing!?!? Get going! So I asked to pass and took off. I kept passing people. I had someone tell me hey you’re going really fast!!! Are you sure you're feeling ok? (It was getting really hot at this point, 70’s) I said yes I feel great! They cheered me on! Each aid station had amazing volunteers and I cannot tell you how much their cheers help! I continued to try and catch people. I started having water poured into my mouth (I didn’t have a cup) and ice in my fandana to help with the heat. Plain water was tasting so good at that point. I also began grabbing orange slices.

I hit the last aid station feeling great! So much so that I neglected to check my water bladder. It was empty. You might not think that is a big deal, but it really is. In that heat with miles to go, you need it. I let myself have an “uh oh” moment and then moved on. Those last few miles were tough. I felt pretty dehydrated and very nauseous, but I kept pushing. I fell twice because I got a bit sloppy at watching my footing, and then rolled my ankle pretty bad. I noticed that not one person was around me still. I ran alone for a lot of the race. After limping a bit I pressed on and started running, only to hear footsteps behind me coming fast, I moved over and it was Jeff Browning. LOL! He was cruising, but made sure to take the time to tell me to keep pushing! So I did! I ran all the way into the finish! I had no idea if I was even in the top 10, so when I crossed the line and Shalini the RD told me I was 3rd female I was in complete shock!!! It was like a dream.

From one year ago breaking my foot, to now taking 3rd was crazy. It was a huge confidence boost to know that my foot could handle the distance and that I was able to have a podium finish with as little training as I did. I felt so blessed and humbled. A new memory to replace the old. A realization that I can do this! A thankful heart to have been able to run this race and finish. A grateful heart for all of the support and new friends that I made at this event. Thankful to the Lord for the gift of running.

Now that I know I can handle distance again, I am going to find my next race and really train for it. I am so excited and hopeful for the future. I cannot wait to see what happens!!!

Huge thank you to all the volunteers, the RD Shalini, my mother, and all of you who commented and supported me through this journey. Big thank you also to Road Runner Sports, Altra Running, Jaybird Sport, OS1st, Yukon Charlies, and Momentum Jewelry for your awesome support and gear to get me through!

Gear: Altra Running King MT 1.5 and gaiters Road Runner Sports R-Gear Recharge Compression Capri Altra running performance tank Garmin Fenix 5 Os1st Arm Sleeves Injinji trail crew socks Ultimate Direction Race Vesta with bladder not front bottles

Fuel: MUIR energy gels Ultima electrolyte replenisher Salt stick KION essential amino acids

Balm: Squirrel’s Nut Butter

Pic Cred IG accounts: Trail @mile90photo, Finish @alex.fagin

[freeter]

in 2017 when i first made my last blog before this one i followed a ton of animecore and webcore blogs and that was my aesthetic. which i think is how this one started too actually but anyways one of those people would post sometimes about how hes single and i would be like wowww...im single too...? and i would start sending him anons to get to know him and stuff and then those were crush anons eventually and we were mutuals and actually this is getting drawn out too long. we added eachother on discord (he didnt know i was sending the asks at this point) and like a week later we started dating and like we dated for a week essentially which is kind of funyn cuz that entire week my parents were out of town and normally i keep them updated on this kinda stuff LMFAO but anyways we break up and shit gets kind of passive aggressive idk a few months pass like 2 or 3 and hes like Hey wanna give it another shot? and im like.Yeah why not! and we last a month that time and that breakdown is even more volatile and we block eachother until last ysear when i message him and apologize for being a little bitch when i was 17 and also some other things but we reconnect and we have kind of an on and off we like eachother but we’re scared to give it another shot kind of thing. for months basically and like i think ity was octopber of that year when we were like Yeah fuck it. dating again. and it lasted more than a month! i think it was two months! we broke up again but we kept contact and fast forward to like a few months ago i recently moved into a new apartment with an online friend and his roommates who had just told us out of nowhere they they were gonna move out. and so this guy from tumblr in 2017 im just talking to him like casual convo and he talks about how he wants to get out of his living situation and im like “youre only a few hours away would you wanna pack up your things and come live here???” anyways thats the story of how i now live with my ex who i met on tumblr and dated three times

[thekuroiookami]

can i get an akashi scenario where he's been busy (practice, student council, daddy issues) and hasn't been with his s/o in like forever??? but the thing is, he's been spending a whole lotta time with another girl (vice prez or secretary of stud. council) who's basically perfect and akashi's fem version. and his s/o starts to distance herself cuz she's insecure, but akashi notices and confronts? some angst but happy ending with fluffs :3 (sorry this was extra specific... lol)

I may have derailed this a bit, anon…but I hope you still like it.

“Sei, are you ready togo home?” Akashi looked up from his desk with a frown as you stuck your headaround the door.

“____.” His expressionrelaxed a fraction when you smiled at him. “Come in, I’m almost done.”

You walked over to windyour arms around his neck, settling your chin on his head. His familiar citrusand pine scent was calming. You looked down from your vantage point behind thechair at the sheaf of paper he was sorting through. “Is that more student councilpaperwork? It’s been difficult since the secretary fell ill, huh.”

He exhaled, tired beyondmeasure. “Yes, not to mention that sports day is coming up…but we should begetting someone to replace the secretary soon. I believe she starts tomorrow.”

You rubbed his tenseshoulders soothingly. “I know you’re busy and everyone needs you, but you needto take a break sometimes.”  

He unwound under yourtouch, a low hum of pleasure in his throat. “I suppose, but-“

“No buts,” you saidfirmly. “Come on, we’re going home. The world will just have to deal withoutyou.”

He let out a huff oflaughter and let you drag him out of the room, smiling at your bubbliness allthe way.

“Oh, I forgot to giveSei his bento,” you realized as you set down your bag. “I’ll go find him beforethe next class.”

Your friend tapped yourshoulder and pointed to the hallway. “He’s over there.”

Stepping out into thecorridor, you saw Akashi heading your way. You lifted a hand to wave at him.“Sei, over-“

Your words died in your throatas you saw the girl next to him. Fashioned like a porcelain doll, her gracefulperfection left glazed expressions in her wake. Her head was bent close toAkashi’s, deep in discussion. He looked up as they neared your classroom door.

“___, I apologize, Ididn’t hear you. I was speaking to our new secretary, Shimizu-san.”

The girl tilted her headpolitely, glossy black hair swishing. “How do you do, ____-san?”

Filled with a suddenapprehension you couldn’t name, you hid the bento behind your back and smiledat her. You didn’t notice Akashi narrow his eyes at the subtle movement. “Shimizu-san.It’s nice to meet you. I’ve seen you around in P.E. You run for the track team,right?”

Her answering smileknocked the wind out of everyone’s lungs. “Yes, that’s right. I’m surprised youremember me.”

It would be impossiblenot to. She was one of the legendary accomplished beauties of the school, asclose to perfection in her grades, looks, abilities and manners as it waspossible to get without bringing Akashi into the equation. Takane no hana, they called her. The unreachable flower.

Your unease bloomed, butyou stifled it. “You’re pretty well-known in school, Shimizu-san.”

Akashi smoothly slidinto the conversation. “Were you about to tell me something earlier, ___?”

“Yes. I wanted to ask-“You looked away as a student council rep jogged up.

“Hey, prez,” he said. “Sorryto interrupt, but something’s come up and we can’t do it without you. I’mafraid the student council is going to have to discuss it over lunch.”

Crimson eyes brieflyflickered with frustration. Akashi breathed out. “Very well. I didn’t plan toeat anyway. Shimizu-san, you will have to join us. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” Your heartclenched as she spoke. “I made too much food today. I would be happy to sharemy lunch with you, president.”

“Whoa, Kiyoko’s bentou,I’m jealous of you, prez. Not that yours is bad, ___-chan,” he added hastily.

You rolled your eyes, asif your fingers weren’t clutched around a box so tightly you thought they wouldsnap. “I don’t need you to tell me my cooking is good, Noya.”

Akashi regarded you fora moment longer and turned to leave. “I’ll see you later, ___.”

You smiled brightly andnodded. “Take care, Sei.”

Neither of you commentedon how much it sounded like a good-bye.

After a few weeks, evenyour friend began to take notice. “Hey, you haven’t been spending a lot of timewith Akashi-kun lately.” Yachi looked concerned. “Is everything okay?”

You tried to force areassuring smile, but it fell flat. “I guess. He’s just really busy. What withschool, basketball, extra tutoring and student council duties…he doesn’t gettime for anything.” The words ‘not even me’ hung in the air, waiting to shatterand cut into whoever examined it too deeply.

Yachi took your hand.“I’m worried about you. You don’t look so good.”

That was probably anunderstatement. The dark circles under your eyes almost looked tattooed in, andyou were noticeably thinner. “I’ve been pretty stressed lately. That must bewhy.”

Akashi wasn’t the onlyone with expectations on his shoulders. Your parents would never force it onyou, but it made them immeasurably proud to see your skill at archeryacknowledged. The pressure to achieve a medal was high, and it didn’t help thatan important scholarship exam was coming up.

You dropped your pencilon the desk with a sigh. It would have helped to talk to Akashi, even a littlebit, but you couldn’t possibly add to his already burdensome pile of concerns.And there was the fact that every time you walked past the student councilroom, Shimizu Kiyoko’s overwhelming perfection was there. She spent more timewith Akashi in one day than you had in the past two weeks, and your stomachlurched a bit every you saw how well she worked with him. Maybe it wasirrational, but fear gnawed at the corners of your mind, whispering about howmuch better off he’d be with her.

Your friend seemed tosense your anxiety. “You should talk to him,” she said softly. “Just walk intotheir office and demand five minutes. If anyone judges you, I’ll pound somesense into ‘em!”

You couldn’t help asmile at the thought of sweet, fluffy Yachi pounding anyone. “Yeah, I will.”

The gym was empty whenyou went by after practice. You blew out a frustrated breath. Maybe the basketballteam had gone off to change. You decided to wait in front of the locker room,leaning against the wall. Hopefully Akashi was doing better than you were atpractice. The bowstring was going leave bruises all over your arm tomorrow.

You looked up from yourcellphone when Hayama’s voice trailed from the locker room. “Say, Akashi,aren’t you going to tell ____-san about it?”

Your heart stilled. Itcouldn’t be. Could it?

Akashi sounded cold whenhe replied. “Why would I?”

“It isn’t fair to her,Sei-chan,” scolded Mibuchi. “She deserves to know why you’ve been so distant.”

“It doesn’t involveher.” You flinched from the sharp edge of his words. “She would only be aliability.”

Hayama sounded hurt.“You don’t mean it that way.”

The world became blurrywhen Akashi replied. “I do. She cannot be of any help in this matter.” Yourealized with some surprise that the tears were flowing fast now. You struggledto hold your sobs in, not wanting to be found. You didn’t even really want toexist at that moment.

He nailed the coffinshut. “I don’t want to see ___ right now.”

You left, barely holdingthe pieces of your shattered self together.

The week after that wasfilled with silence. It was as if you lived in a glass cage of loneliness, theworld moving by around you. Yachi’s attempts at drawing you out of your shelldidn’t work. You didn’t make any attempts to look for Akashi any more, since itwas clearly pointless. Instead you threw yourself into work and practice,giving it everything you could wring out of your exhausted body.

You were about to nockthe next arrow, aim it at the already perfectly centred cluster and shoot, whenthe coach growled at you. “____, stop. Enough already. Your fingers arebleeding.”

You looked down to findyour calloused pads had been rubbed raw. “Ah.”

“I told you not to pushit. Go see the nurse. And no practice for a while. You’ll be lucky if you canparticipate now.”

That broke through theiced lake of your mind and stirred panic in the depths. “But sensei, I reallyneed-“

“GO. That’s an order.”

You walked listlessly tothe infirmary, barely aware of your surroundings. The coach’s words played inan endless, heartbreaking loop. If you couldn’t compete-

You braced a handagainst the wall, suddenly dizzy. The hallway seemed to go sideways. Youdistantly heard someone ask if you were alright, just before you fell into thedarkness.

You woke up to find yourselfon a metal-hinged bed, pillow propped up behind your neck. You shook your headblearily. “What-“

“It’s ironic that afterall the time you spent worrying about my health, I would find you here in theinfirmary instead.” Akashi’s tone was light, but his eyes looked haunted, hisshoulders tense.

You sat up and inspectedyour fingers, breath hitching. They were heavily wrapped in bandages. “No, itcan’t be- I need to get back to practice.”

“____.” The commandfroze you in your tracks, as did his grip on your wrist. “Why didn’t you tellme? I would have helped.”

Your hands fisted in thesheets. This conversation wasn’t one you wanted to have. “You were busy. Iunderstand that. There was no need for me to put this on you.”

Akashi’s eyes flaredwith ruby lightning. “That’s not an answer. Tell me the truth.” His fingersgripped your chin, forcing your head in his direction. “Look at me, ___.”

You lifted your eyes tohis. He leaned back, shocked. Tears sparkled on your lashes, but even worse,you looked like your soul had been hollowed out with a blunt spoon. You smiledbitterly.

“You want the truth? Thetruth is that I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew from the moment westarted dating that I would never truly be good enough for you. There wouldalways be some girl prettier, smarter, better than me out there. Someone likeShimizu-san. Someone to match your perfection. But I thought I could live withit, knowing there would be an expiry date on this relationship. But,” yourubbed your hand over your chest, “I never thought you’d just toss me away. Ithought Akashi Seijuro would at least have the grace to tell me when he’d lostinterest.”

He stood up, furyradiating off him in waves. He grabbed your shoulders with painful force. “Idon’t know what gave you this idea. I admit I haven’t been around as much I’dlike, but-“

You finally snapped, thewords ripped from you in an involuntary shout. “You said I was a liability!”

He froze, face pale. Youcurled in on yourself, voice breaking on the words. “You said that-that youdidn’t want to see me. I heard you.”

Akashi reached a gentlehand out to your face. “Love, you misunderstood.” He stroked away a tear with afingertip. “Reo was right, I should have told you.”

You watched warily as hesat down on the bed. He was still somehow beautiful enough to hurt, but youcould see Akashi was less composed than usual. He took a deep breath. “We – theold members of Teiko -  are preparing fora basketball match. An important one.”

Whatever you wereexpecting, it wasn’t this. You blinked at him. “What?”

For the next fiveminutes, you sat in astonished silence as Akashi told you about someone namedGold, an American team, and how the former high school players had beenhumiliated. How a team had been formed to make a point. How the Generation ofMiracles were finding their way to each other again, little by little.

When he finished youwere nearly on the verge of exploding again, this time from sheer disbelief. “Andwhy was telling me about this such a problem?”

He looked away, facegrave. “Gold is not like the players I have faced before. He’s dangerous, bothon and off the court. One reason I didn’t tell you was that you would haveinsisted on coming with me, and I didn’t want him to catch sight of you.”

You pursed your lips. Itwas true that you would have found a way to be there somehow. “And the otherreason?”

His gaze came back up,and the stark loneliness in his eyes made you want to weep. “I can tell thismatch will not be easy. It will take more than just skilled passing. I willprobably need to go back…to my other self. He is very close to the surface.That side of me is different. Harsher. I’m not sure you would look at me thesame way if you knew what it was like.”

You stayed silent for amoment. Then: “He’s not a bad person you know. The other Akashi.”

The person in front ofyou went completely still. You continued, wanting to banish the darkness in hiseyes, even just a little. “You both want the same things, don’t you? To be withyour friends. He just tried to do it differently, but he made a few mistakes.That doesn’t make him worse, just human.”

You reached out to feelhis heart thump steadily under your palm. “After all, he’s you. Just anotherpart of you. You’re him. And you’re both the best person I know.”

He closed his eyes as ifhe couldn’t bear the weight of your words. His hand slid up to cover yours.When Akashi opened his eyes again, he seemed to have settled into his soul. Hislips quirked up slightly. “He says I don’t deserve you. For once, we agree on something.”

Akashi’s gaze fell tothe white gauze over your fingers. He cradled your hand in his, sadnesspainting his features. “I did that to you.” His voice was so quiet you couldbarely hear it. “I cannot tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. I have beengiven more chances than any one person deserves, yet…”

You tapped his foreheadwith your other hand, making him blink. “Men. They think the world revolvesaround them. This is my fault, for misunderstanding. You don’t get to take thecredit for what I do to myself.”

He rubbed you wrist,shaking his head. “I haven’t forgotten, you know.”

You slid a hand into hishair, relishing the feeling of being able to touch him again. He shifted intoyour hold, seeking comfort. “Forgotten what?”

“That you think you aren’tenough, or that we wouldn’t last together.” His expression sharpened intosomething like annoyance. “Apparently I have failed in convincing you of thatas well.”

You made a tacticalretreat. “Erm, I don’t think we need to go into that-“

He overruled you with adecisive statement. “Come. You’re staying over at my house today. We both needa day off.”

The dice fell fromAkashi’s fingers, rolling over to reveal two sixes. He pushed the counter uptwelve places. He caught you trying to hide a smile behind your sleeve. “What isit?”

“Well,” you replied,still trying hard to suppress laughter, “you’re winning at snakes and ladders.Again. For the third time in a row.”

He raised an eyebrow,though he was secretly amused by your reaction. “And?”

“It’s supposed to be agame of chance. It shouldn’t be possible, but then, that’s you in everything.Making the impossible happen.”

He considered youthoughtfully before responding. The both of you were curled up on his bed, yousipping hot chocolate. He wondered if you would believe him if he said that hehadn’t been this happy in weeks. The warmth of your presence was something evenhe hadn’t gotten used to. It had been a long time since someone accepted him socompletely. “There are some things I cannot do.”

You threw the dice andfrowned at the board. “Like what?”

He felt his chest achewith something like longing. “Like show you how exquisite you are. How everysecond I spend with you is precious. How the only thing I can think of is thefact that you’re mine. All mine.”

Your face turned pink. “Sei,you don’t have to-“

He gave in to desire andstretched his hand out to your face. You stayed still as he tucked a lock ofhair behind your ear, then traced a cheekbone with a  feather-light caress. He could feel your skinwarm under his touch. “You think you’re not perfect, but you are. Perfection isnot the absence of flaws. It’s when you’re so much more, that your faults don’tmatter.”

Your eyes shone as histhumb brushed over your lower lip. He leaned in, drawn forward by the velvet ofyour skin. “And if you can accept me both sides of me without fear, then why isit so hard to believe I might do the same?”

Your breath came out ofyou in a soft shudder. Akashi was hovering over you on the bed now, eyesdrinking in every detail of your features. He dipped his head to press his lipsto the pulse beating in your neck. “So warm,” he murmured. Something in hisblood spiked when you sighed in response.

Sometimes it scared him,the darker impulses you roused. He wanted to lock you up somewhere until youwere drunk off of his love and couldn’t remember your own name. “Mine,” hewhispered. “So beautiful, and so unaware of it. Such an intoxicatingcombination.”

Your hand tightened onhis shoulder. “Sei, stop teasing me.” The words came out husky.

He smiled, but it didn’tquite match the intensity of his gaze. “Maybe if you promise never to putyourself down again. Give me your word you will have faith in me. In us.”

You said nothing for amoment, just tracing his neckline in silence. He waited, willing calm into his veins.Finally, you nodded. “I trust you, Seijuro.”

“Good.” He rolled yourover so you lay on his chest. Akashi smoothed a hand down your back, enjoyingthe closeness, that sense of indescribable rightness. “Never forget: I loveyou, ___.”

You pressed a kiss tohis cheek. “I love you too. You know I’m coming to watch your game, right?”

He smirked wickedly. “Iwould expect nothing less from my fierce princess.”

You laughed. “Good,because I can’t wait for you to give that Nash guy a beat-down.”

Akashi’s answering smilewas golden with confidence. “If you’re with me, that will be a certainty.”

[actually-blasian]

Dream

I had the weirdest dream last night. Before I get into it, I have to explain myself. Ever since I was little my dreams have been nightmares or visions of the future. Aka, someone either I know or like a lot/love always dies or I am the one always dying. Or, something bad is happening to Earth/wherever I am. Or, I know how and when someone will die. Or, I know of some other life event that will happen to someone. So, I'm always happy when I don't dream. I haven't dreamt in a while, but for some reason I did this morning. It started off that there was some zombie apocalypse. I was at my childhood house back in Florissant, MO (which I decided to visit yesterday and where I'm going again soon) and heard about it on the news and could see it outside of course. One of my cousins, who used to be my bff, don't know what we are now since she never has time for friends/fam, and is only with her bf 😕. But anyway, so the rest of my family was dead (what a surprise..), I decided I can't just stay in this house because sooner or later either the zombies are going to get in or crazy people are going to break in and either way I would die. So I ran outside, and I did have a gun. It was a shotgun I believe. So a little geography, my old house was a down the street from my grade school (if you turn right out of my driveway and then turn left at the stop sign) and then there was this high school (if you turned right at the stop sign). If you went out to the left, there was the JJE Center (pretty much like a Y), a preschool (which I went to), and all sorts of other stuff. Back to the story, I ran to the right and was going to the high school. On the way up to the stop sign, all of a sudden I hear/see my cousin, Sara, with her boyfriend and like 2 other friends. All of them are white besides my cuz who is black/white but a lot of people just think she's white. So I meet up with them and tell them what's happening. So then we all decide to go to the high school together. They had weapons also. So we make it to the outside of the school with no problem and then we hear this tank approaching which was with the police/military. I knew it was going to shoot anything/anyone in sight even if they weren't infected. I told my cuz and her friends that. But they didn't believe me. There were trees in front of the school and I hid behind one while they stood out there with their weapons up in a surrender stance. All of a sudden I hear the big machine gun going off and there are my friends and family, dead on the ground in front of me. I had to wait until the tank turned down another street (which this street is long 😞) to move, make any sound, cry, whatever. It finally turned and I just dropped to the floor like I was made of nothing! I told them 😢. After my short cry I decided to say, "The police shot everyone but the black person....the irony." Weird I know 😞. So I finally made it into the school and as soon as I walk in it is dark, barely any light, only light is the sun coming through the windows (it was somewhat cloudy). They made it up like it was a little diner. Tables and chairs and a bar with stools and stuff. Was cute but small. The light came in at just the right moment, I saw a man with red eyes and grey skin (looked like it had been burned off). All of a sudden people are everywhere (all looking like this guy), and I realize the school/diner isn't safe because it was taken over by zombies. I run out of there and hear another tank is coming. Luckily there are tons of trees. I decide to go to this tree that has a huge milkshake underneath it (idk y'all), and hide in the shake until the tank leaves. It leaves finally with no problem. Zombies haven't made it out the diner/school so I was good there too 👍. I decided I would eat off the shakes (yes there were a lot) and see how long I live. That happened for what seemed like only a week. All of a sudden this man comes over. He looked like me (aka, not infected [no red eyes, no weird limp, no broken neck, no burnt off skin], just a little dirty) but he was human and fine. I had never seen this man before. Don't even remember if he was black, white or whatever. But he told me he is a scientist (no he didn't create these zombies and the disease) and had a plan of how to survive this. What he needed we had no access to. He had traveled a long way too. He didn't give up. He didn't have family to begin with but he didn't want me alone or to die (I didn't even tell him if I had a family or not, I was much younger so he wanted to help me automatically). It feels like another week passes as we get supplies and build this thing. It was like a hovercraft. We were done after a little bit longer 😄. Then as we were in it for the first time trying to get it started, the zombies finally broke free in the school/diner which we were still in front of (not right up to the door cuz there was A LOT of grass all around the school not even including the field in the back). He started it and tried to get us in the air and out of there. These zombies were fast, vicious, smart, and strong. They destroyed the engine and other vital things. We had nowhere to go. They were all over the hovercraft. The man told me he is sorry. And before I woke up, the finally broke through the last layer separating us and them. In the end. I died (again...).

[jonhaight-blog]

Emo Dump

So I’ve finally gotten to this point have I? I’m not the first person to experience heartbreak and I don’t believe I’ve got it worse than anyone. Truth be told my life is pretty fucking great, I got a new job in my field that pays well, getting a new house, new car, promising career and I’m fairly attractive as well as started getting back into my hobby of MMA again. SO all in all, my life would seem like nothing to complain about right? 

Am I insane to harp on one single aspect of dread though? Like, I chose to break up so I shouldn’t complain. Is it one of those, ‘Don’t know what you have until it’s gone’ moments? Because nothing has changed since we broke up, like she barely talked to me and made an effort to reach out to me when we were together and the only difference now is that I don’t reach out to her so I should be happy that I don’t have the stress of feeling like I’m in a relationship while also not actually being in one right? 

Truth is, all I wanted was her to talk to me. Everyone I know sees me as this guy with the plan and they come to me with advice on what they should do and how to do it. A lot of my friends come to me because they need me at some point. One person (this girl) didn’t necessarily need me. More so, I wanted her to need me at least a little because I needed her, I needed to be around her and I need to talk to her. I wanted her to think I was special, like there was more to me than anyone else but she never showed me that I was any different from any of our other friends. I’ve worked since I was 14 to prove I was different than everyone, not to prove to a specific person, but to just anyone I met professionally and personally. A lot of people noticed, and I never cared about their opinions. I’ve always been young for my status in the professional world and I’m not bragging, I’m just giving you details on me and my history and how I operate. There have been some that are in the same position as me and my age if not younger, I’m not saying I’m like the only person in the world to do this kinda thing but still, you get where I’m coming from when I say I’ve only worked to prove to myself that I can be better. 

So, fast forward to today and why that’s relevant. This girl comes along during college and at the time I was this ‘playboy’ type dude, kinda douchey. Now this wouldn’t be my first rodeo kids, but this time it wasn’t in person. I met her online and I didn’t really believe in people getting together online personally, just not my thing at the time. So we become friends, we play some games and yada-yada end up in a call alone and talk for like 7 hours and BAM sparks ensue. Now, I’m a real ambitious person and when I want something I will try and make it happen. I wanna meet her. 

4 months go by and I realize I wanna move to Atlanta (that’s where my work is and it was close to said female). So I’ve never felt stronger about a person and I didn’t want to admit it, but I would’ve killed a bear to see this girl in person. We plan this trip to go visit the area I’m gonna live and six flags to go see her and her friends and shit. That trip happens and I shit you not that it couldn’t have been more of a Disney moment when I saw her. Shit goes in slow mo, The Carpenters starts playing (the song where it’s like, “Why do birds fall down from the sky”) and I was infatuated with her. 

Trip goes well, I move up to Atlanta and romance ensues. The relationship goes well, then we start hitting some road-bumps here and there and we talk it out. I said to myself that I wasn’t gonna fuck this up, I was open and honest and stopped talking to every other girl that had flirted with me and brought her out with my friends and I just loved her so damn much. I always talked about her, to my friends, parents, cousins etc. I really believed that this was gonna go somewhere. 

Then work takes a toll on me. I hated my line of work (Production Assistant stuff on movies is what I used to do btw). I start feeling depressed and it takes a toll on our relationship. I start snapping at her about little shit, stuff she’ll do or if she can’t come over, cuz in all honesty the only time I was happy during that period is when she was with me or playing games with me. So this goes on for a while and I start sabotaging myself and making her feel like shit, and I noticed that, so I said, “no more”

Christmas comes around and I go back home with no more than 12 dollars in my pocket because my old line of work sucked ass for pay and hours. I decide to see a therapist. I told him I think I’m depressed and it’s been on and off through college and worse since I got to Atlanta. I bitched about my job the most and he just kind of told me, “sounds like your job sucks and you hate it” I tried to tell him it’s more of the end goal that I want, but I didn’t even know what the end goal would’ve been at the time because I wanted to edit. He said, “Well I don’t think you need medication, I think you just need to stop doing shit you don’t like” and that just pinged with me for some reason. It was such a stupid simple answer but I needed to hear it for some reason for me to finally get it. I didn’t need to stick it out, i needed to stop doing shit work. So I came up with a plan.

I vented to my parents about how I was feeling and possibly coming back to PA to start up the production company I wanted to do before I left for college. My parents are all for it, say I can do what makes me happy and shit, but something clicked in me and said that I would wait out another 6 months and see how it turns out. After that I called my girlfriend at the time and told her why I was acting how I was and that I wanted to make things right. I apologized and told her how much I loved her and that it wasn’t ever her fault and she did nothing but treat me right. Then, she started retracting from me...

She started to pull away form me, as in she got more distant and I started to confront her about it. She told me she just needs space and that she would have made other plans with people and work etc. I started getting irritated that it seems she would put other plans over me at every corner, it didn’t matter when I would ask her to do things, something always came up. I’m not talking about just meeting in person or her coming over I meant like, talking on discord or playing games. 

Fast forward to January, I get back to Atlanta. A sweet job offer comes my way and I take it, it’s another PA gig but an office PA gig so that means it’s more towards what I want to do (Which is editing). It’s higher pay, and I’m in the same building as the companies editors so I start talking to them. All is going well and the job kept me busy so I couldn’t see her for like 2 weeks because of it but it was fine cuz she wanted space anyway and all that. I tried to talk to her after work, but she would usually be doing something where she didn’t respond or responded 4 hours later -v- . . . . . but whatever. 

2 months go by, I still work for this company now and then, making some bucks on the side. I’ve barely seen her by this time and I keep asking her to talk to me or come over and shit would come up. We did talk now and then but when we did, she didn’t have anything to say really and that was fine. When it got to the point where we would exchange 3 messages in the span of 3 days is when it got to me and I would start bringing it up and she would shut me down because she just never wanted to talk about it. One of the fights I asked her if she would be fine with going back to an online relationship and she said no but she would be okay if we didn’t see each other for a couple of months (like actually see with our eyes, not like break up for a while) and that broke my heart. 

More fights about the same topic come up, more and more she backs off even telling me she would be fine if we didn’t ever kiss. Says it makes her uncomfortable (dating for 10 months at this point). I almost lost it then, I had to stew on that for a while. I eventually say that I would try and just give her that space and all that, back off I guess. 

We hang out the next weekend and it’s all fine and everything but now, I don’t know what I should do and not do. I don’t know if I’m allowed to hold her, kiss her or cuddle and what not but she told me to cuddle her so everything seemed okay and normal but there was always this thought in the back of my head that one wrong move and she would just back away from me more. But I got an offer for an editing position full time when we were together so that brightened my mood and made me forget about that for a while.

Another 2 weeks rolls by and we don’t see each other again and barely talk again. I get the job and it’s great. I love my position and it gives me room to grow and move up in the company. With her, I lose my shit, I try and talk to her one last time about my issue and yet again she just brushes it aside and disregards it saying how she doesn’t wanna talk about it and how it’s not an issue. Like, it’s an issue to me so can you please fucking address it if I’m so important to you? I was fed up. It didn’t seem like she was trying anymore and it felt like she didn’t want to be in the relationship, plus I was tired of fighting so I ended it then and there over Discord chat because she wouldn’t call me or anything like that to actually talk. It made it worse because her cat died a week before that and she was all torn up about it so it just made everything seem worse and like I was just the worlds biggest piece of shit. 

I had to do this at work, and i didn’t even want to do it but I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place at this point. Right after I did it, I ran to the bathroom and just cried. I had to break up with the first girl I ever fell in love with and I felt like I did everything right. To pile on, I tried to analyze what I did wrong and where I fucked up. I wondered if I had already ruined it before Christmas and there was already no saving it, which could be very likely. I hate myself because I still feel this way. 

She never fought to get me back. Not once did she try and stop me or tell me I was making a mistake or even try to address the same issue and have a real conversation about it to try and fix the relationship. She just let me go. I even tried to go back to her, saying I would work on it and accept the blame that I just wanted her to be around and then she rejected me. So I broke up with the one I love because I felt like I had no other option, got no resistance and then got rejected. 

I can’t sleep anymore. I keep trying to distract myself with more work and working out but it doesn’t help. That’s the whole reason I started fighting again was because of all this. All I wanted was more time with her, and I still feel like I did something wrong. All I wanted was for her to see me as I see her. Different than everyone else, that one person that can make me feel a certain way just by looking at me. I guess I wasn’t that person for her, idk. 

That’s the end of my story. It got so bad that I got up at 4am and needed someone to talk to about this because I’ve talked all my friends ears off about this issue and I think they’re pretty done with hearing about it. Thanks for reading if you got this far, I’m new to the whole blog thing. The girl isn’t a bad person, and she isn’t neglectful. Truth be told she’s the sweetest most kind person I’ve ever met, and I just miss her. . . .

That’s it. Bye. 

[crashpaddiaries]

Dear Crashpad Diary #19

Yooooooooo you chalky beasts (climbing version of “filthy bastards” hahahah)

How are you all doing there?? I hope youre having fun and smiling as hell!! hehe

Sport-wise… whats the story??? Climbing?? Skiing?? badmington-ing? Chess-ing?? hahahaha

Talking about chess… I´m constantly making a joke that I should have gone for chess instead of climbing… that way my  fingers would suffer a little less and I would be able to grab a mug of coffee without the heinous feeling that I´m touching lava with my finger tips!! hahahaha

During our last days in Hampi… I was with that rage for finish projects… actually I had few projects and started putting them in order of priorities… considering the ones I was closer and I was sure that I could get in no time… that way I was going pretty much early mornings and late afternoons for them…. during the day though… I had not much to do other than eating… reading… and some of this activities that you stay relaxed and chill in one place… not moving much… thats the problem… if I don’t move I kinda go crazy… so… my afternoons were fulfilled with slackline sessions… nice sport… good for balance… concentration and not fingers or upper body related… should be good…. right?? haha

Well… I love doing new tricks and I started feeling pretty comfy doing jumps and all… and from that you can imagine… or you can search for slackline comps online and you gonna find out how mad are these guys jumping around haha… I don´t get even closer but I´m getting there hehehe

As you can imagine… falls are inevitable… mainly for me haha So… one day we woke up… went for my project… didn’t get… closer and closer though…. came back… brekkie…. rest a bit and Slackline… jump jump jump… slip… hit the line with my chest… could hear people that was watching going all “uuuuuuuffff”… cuz my headphone fell on the ground with the impact… fortunately I was fine… stood up… didn’t feel much.. just the impact and got a nice line drew on my chest by the slackline hehehe

The next morning went for my beloved problem called Sharmilla´s Hug… got even closer but no send…. I was feeling fine… went back… relaxed the whole afternoon and went back… didn’t slackline cuz I was feeling the ribs bruised… decided for putting the energy on the climbing… warmed up… sadly on the first go I was already suffering with the pain… gave other 2 goes and struggled in each one of them… I didnt want to believe but the 6 months of non-stop climbing had come to an end because of a line hanging between 2 trees… thats messed up!! hahahahah

At least I missed only 4 sessions after all!! Gladly, no one got injured during the trip… the balance so far was one visit to the hospital but that wasn’t me and everything was more than fine hehehehe =)

So… the rest of our Indian days we seized eating all the dishes we knew we would miss hahahah what a great way to finish the trip hahahahah Dosas, Idlis, Thalis, Homemade muesli, salads, Dal, Chenna, Currys and loads of other scrumptious dishes!! =)

Aaaaaaaand we´re off to Nepal…  hooray… went to the boat to cross the river cuz we had an overnight bus… whole day waiting at the airport in Bombay and then a flight to Kathmandu waiting for us… not before crossing from Hampi island… so… we were in that boat with heavy backpacks, crash pads and another small bags… I was in one side and Stephen the other… there was a group of Indian guys from Hospet and we started chatting… they are always good vibes… selfies as usual going on… and the time passing… it was already 5pm and our bus would leave at 6:05pm… ok… we have time… 15 mins later we were in the middle of a battle and not getting any fucking thing hahahah We were there and one of the guys from Hospet (a small city near Hampi), started shouting sth to the guy that runs the boat… related to the time he was taking to leave… the guy replied sth bad… I guess… cuz this guy that was in that group… who was pretty cool and kind… turned into a daredevil, stood up and ran straight to the boat man…. so they started arguing freaking loud… hands and fingers pointing each ones face… the other guys left the boat too… every time someone left their places the boat would move as it were rolling hahahah and we were full of equips tied up to our backpacks fixing the balance hahahah that was funny and scared hahahahaha

In the end people from the other side came to participate (as they are pretty participative in every happening hahahahaha)… suddenly we had loads of people shouting… the two boats anchored and loads of tourists waiting to cross the river… not forgetting that we kept balancing every now and then cuz someone would leave their places and put the whole boat “driedness” at stake hahahah After all the madness we got to cross and took the tuktuks to Hospet…

I think its fate of having adventures… I ended up getting the same driver that almost killed us in a crash when we went to Sri Lanka few months before hahahahahaha but this time he behaved hahahahaha

Sweeeeet…. we got to Kathmandu… quite good flight!! The dumb prize this time goes toooooo….. Me…. we had to grab some food at the airport in Bombay… chose the Subway among all the fast food shops because is the one with veggie option…. got the one I thought was the only option but totally forgot that we were in India and there the veggie rules…. hahahahah Was so sad for not choosing sth different among all the possibilities…. Stephen was smarter and got some “Super hyper mega paneer tofu soya totally organic veggie forever” sandwich…. but I enjoyed my Lettuce-tomato-plastic cheese sub!! hahahahahah

Kathmandu is cool!!! The people is extremely kind, cute, shy and smiley (I loved it!! =))… also the vibes in the city are incredibly good!!

It´s sad to see that many places are still destroyed or under construction because of the earthquake that hit the country in 2015. The amount of buildings skeletons or constructions rest you can find is out of my mind… and the whole city look like a construction site. At first, when I got here I couldn’t understand the reason to so much dust in the air… you can see, you can feel and you can even taste the smog… the way is to mimic the locals and use a mask most part of the time when you go outside… fortunately we will not stay long in KTM and wbouldedrill head to the mountains soon… fresh and cold air!! =)

haha yet relate to smoke.. while in Hampi the hype was offer “climbing banana, mango banana… (whispering) marijuana??”… over here they ask us every second “Do you smoke??” hahaha there was even a guy cycling the rickshaw who came close to us… didn’t stop and as he was passing by threw the question at us… but didnt stop… what was he thinking?? We would start chasing him shouting “Yeah Yeah… we smoke… do you have some???” hahahahah Or the other guy that came to Stephen… it seems that all the weirdos like him tho…. the sketchy guy came with a strange look… like crazy eyes… asking “”dooooosmoooooke??” hahaha that was so funny hehehe

We got to go to the climbing gym here with a couple that we met in Hampi… Denis and Maddie… really good vibes people and strong climbers!!

haha after 6 months climbing outdoors… plastic feels weird but it was cool climbing some gymnastic problems… quite similar to Rocklands and the style I love the most… great set… good people over there and we already got some contacts to go outdoors and met some strong Nepali climbers!!

After the sesh my ribs… that were still sore… started hurting a bit more… but we were going for food and you know… food always cure! hahaha We ate a dish called Takhali… it´s kinda thali but you get refills… as many as you want…. now you can imagine how hard we hit that hahahaha

Well…. I can’t keep fooling myself with takhalis for too long so, as my ribs were still pretty bruised and I didn’t know what was the story there, I decided to go to the hospital and check… the doctor as soon as started checking me with the stethoscope confirmed that I had a broken rib…. now it makes sense hehehe Thats why I didn’t send Sharmilla´s Hug… how would I hug that huge boulder… keeping the compression without all my ribs??? hahaha

He gave me some ibuprofen for the next 5 days and I´ll have to drop the climbing for few weeks… told ya…. should´ve gone for chess!! hahahahaha

The funniest part was checking the X-ray and chatting about all the other fractures I had and having them checking my collarbone that I broke in 4 parts years ago… “wow… I can see it…. can I touch it??” said the doc when he saw it!! hahahahaha

Anyways… maybe it is because of the cold weather, the tiredness for the past months, the change of the altitude or the injury… but since I got to Nepal I´m sleeping like a beast… loads… serious…. laziness is hitting as hell… fortunately thats exactly what I have to do right now before going for the trekking!! =) so… lets eat sleep and repeat!! hahahaha

Looking forward for the time we will go for the climb surf sleep and repeat!! hahahah

Hope you all are awesome and having fun with my posts and don´t worry… my ribs are already 127%…. in few days itll be 209%!! =)

Cheers beasts!! and good vibes!! =)

Evan