#brock purdy imagine

[leclercsredhelmet]

Pretty Young Thing ⟡ Brock Purdy

A/N: Hi there! I'm back with another imagine, this time its none other than Brock Purdy! Apologies if it's a little short but I hope that you all enjoy reading this!!

"Let me love you to the max, I want to love you pretty young thing"

Offseason in the NFL meant that you had Brock glued to your side most of the time. Instead of leaving San Francisco right after the season ended, you had decided to stay for a bit and perhaps do some traveling later on after your wedding. For now, you were staying home and getting some much-needed rest. Sun filtered in through the windows in the kitchen and living room. Brock was with you in the kitchen “helping” as he had put it. His idea of helping was just sitting on the countertops as he watched you cook while occasionally hopping down to dance around the kitchen. 

Opening the oven you popped in the mac n’ cheese and closed it carefully so you wouldn’t burn yourself. “Well Mr. Purdy the food is in the oven, thanks for your help,” you said emphasizing the word help and using air quotes. Brock laughed, “I did help, I  chopped the bacon and provided entertainment,” he said with a cheeky smile. Laughing you playfully slapped him with the dish towel, “Besides I’d much rather watch you in the kitchen than disturb the perfect dish in the making,” he said. You threw your head back and laughed. “There’s that laugh, I love so much!” he exclaimed before picking you up to spin you. 

Laughing louder at the action he joined in on the laughs and set you down. Capturing your lips in a kiss his arms went around your waist and he hugged you. Pretty Young Thing came on and you smiled knowing that he’d break out in a dance. “Baby you gotta dance with me!” he exclaimed. Smiling you started to shimmy your shoulders a little and Brock spun around you to grab a wooden spoon to use as a microphone. 

With the spoon in hand, he came over and put a hand on his hip as he danced and you laughed while moving your arms around and singing. “I want to love you, pretty young thing!” you both sang and Brock did a spin and popped his hip out twice and you laughed. “Smooth moves Purdy!” you said and laughed and grabbed your waist and spun you. You landed flush against his chest and kissed him sweetly. “I have smoother moves future Mrs. Purdy,” he said and you giggled. “Cheeky Purdy, I love you,” you said. “Me too babes,” he replied.

More songs came on and you kept dancing in the kitchen while the food was ready. By the time the food was done, you took it out of the oven and he set the table. “ Pretty Young Thing has to be in the wedding reception,” Brock said and you giggled. “It’s on the list already,” you replied. “Yes!” he cheered and you laughed. “It’s crazy that we get married in four weeks,” you said. “It is, I can’t wait to be married to my girl,” he said plopping a kiss on your cheeks. “And I can’t wait either to be married to you B,” you replied laying your head on his chest. 

You proceeded to talk about what you looked forward to in the wedding and decided to finish planning your honeymoon. 

Four weeks later

Brock and you had been a married couple for seven hours already and it was blissful. The party was in full swing, Brock was somewhere off talking to his teammates while you were talking to some of the wives. “You’re going to love Costa Rica, the resort is stunning,” one of the wives said. “I’m so excited, if it was up to me I would leave tonight!” you exclaimed. The wives raised their eyebrows suggestively, “Someone’s in a rush,” Kristin said and you blushed. “I just want to enjoy my husband’s company in a beautiful place,” you said. “Not just his company,” Olivia said coyly, giggling you all drank from your cups. 

You were about to speak but the lights dimmed, a chair was placed in the middle of the dancefloor and you furrowed your brow. “I think I need to find Brock,” you said and turned to leave but Nick Bosa came up to you. “Mrs. Purdy you are urgently needed,” he said. “Is everything okay Nick?” you asked. “Come with me,” he said as he led you to the chair. “Where is my husband?” you asked. “No time for questions just stay there,” he said. You sat down and watched him dart away to some dark corner. The lights had dimmed more and you sat there puzzled. 

“What in the fuck is going on?” you muttered. Suddenly a very familiar song started playing and you chuckled. A spotlight turned on in the far corner of the room and you saw some of the players, you laughed when you saw them part and Brock was walking. The spotlight moved at the same pace as him, the volume increased and he started to dance, the team was in tow and you broke out in a fit of laughter. 

Brock was singing along and the crowd started to clap he stood a few feet away from you and did the classic spin when the chorus came on. You giggled as Brock did an intricate dance number with his teammates as the backup dancers. 

The song was over and everyone clapped, Brock kissed you passionately and you wrapped your arms around his shoulder as you kissed him back. “Did you like the dance Mrs. Purdy?” he whispered and you chuckled. “I loved it, Mr. Purdy,” you replied. 

Brock and you spent the entire night dancing with your friends and family at your wedding. 

[awritessomething]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 | brock purdy x fem!reader

requests

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | after the loss at the Super Bowl, Brock is understandably mad. His wife is there for him.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut, pre-established relationship, use of Y/N, piv, unprotected sex, riding, switch!brock, soft!dom!reader, oral m!receiving, fingering, pet names, swearing praise, crying, lots of aftercare, fluff, angsty, sad!brock

My birthday was recently and the first thing I said on it was (no joke) “Brock purdy has a fat ass” WHAT.

Touchdown.

The long game that had been 22-19 (49ers lead) was ruined. The score was now 22-25. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. Cameras panned to where the Chiefs celebrated. They showed Taylor Swift celebrating in the crowd.

They didn’t show the way Brock Purdys wife just immediately dropped to her seat. She put her head in her hands. It wasn’t that she was the one who was sad, it was that she was sad for Brock. He had played amazingly and it was all seemingly for nothing.

Everything was painful after that. The interviews, the autographs, everything. Y/N had pushed her way through the crowds to get to her husband. A security guard who hadn’t recognized her tried to stop her, but he failed. Brock was still a little bit in shock from the loss. Three seconds. Three seconds from a win.

The second that Y/N had his arms around him, it took everything not to break down. He clung to his wife, hiding his face in her hair as he tried not to shake so much. His arms were around her as his fingers were curling around her sweater.

She pulled back slightly to look at him, running her hand through his hair. She kissed him, feeling how shaky his breathing was. He was sweaty and a little bit gross smelling, but that was the least of her concerns.

The moment that they had the opportunity, the couple left. They went back to their hotel. Y/N held onto his hand, pushing her way through the crowds of fans or paparazzi. She wasn’t too worried about her reputation. Her elbow went out, jabbing anyone who got in their way as they went to their hotel.

Brock kept his eyes on her to try and ignore whatever else was happening. They went up to their hotel room and then she kissed him again.

“You did amazing today, baby.” She whispered to him. Brock rested his forehead against hers and sighed.

“I didn’t win though. It was just three se-”

“Shh, you did great.” She put her finger to his lips. She gave him a smile. “Think of it like this: you were three seconds away from winning.” She tried to reword it, but it kind of just sounded the same. Brock frowned.

“I need a shower.”

“Yeah, you do.” She laughed lightly and put her hand on his chest to push him towards the washroom. She opened the door for him and ran the water. It was rare for Brock to be getting the princess treatment. It wasn’t like he was going to complain though. Brock sat on the toilet seat while he waited. She stood beside the shower door, occasionally checking the water with her hand. She motioned for him to come.

Brock walked over to his wife. She looked up at him. Her hand touched his chest again as she frowned, feeling horrible for what he was experiencing. She pulled his shirt off of him. It was a bit of a hassle seeing as Brock was a 6’1 quarterback and she was… not. She had to do a bit of a hop to get it off of his arms.

He was unbelievably sore from the game. His whole body ached and he just wanted to lay down. Y/N got her husband under the water once she was also undressed. He looked down at her like she was the only reason why he was alive. Y/N knew how Brock wanted to just sit down and rest for a moment. She stepped out of the shower and snooped around for a moment. She found a little chair thing that seemed to be for old people or something. She grabbed it and got it in the shower.

“What is that?” Brock was confused when his wife walked into the shower, wrestling with some chair. She grunted and set it down, stumbling. Brock grabbed her waist to keep her from slipping.

“Sit.” She muttered, pointing at the chair. He frowned.

“Y/N-”

“Sit your ass in the chair.”

He sat.

Y/N grabbed the mini shampoo bottles and sat on his lap. She looked at him and touched his cheek softly before sighing. She stood back up for a moment and got the shower head. She held it in one hand, the shampoo bottles in the other.

Brock looked at his wife, his brows knit together. He looked like a sad puppy. She set the shampoo bottles down between their bodies so she could use both hands. She got his hair completely soaked. Her fingers ran through his hair and he let out a groan, head falling forward into her shoulder. She kissed his collarbone and then got the shampoo, rubbing it into his scalp. She massaged his scalp, her manicured nails scraping against his skin, relieving him of some of his tension. His fingers gripped at her hips.

Y/N whispered soft praises to her husband as she felt him begin to calm down in her arms. She kissed his collarbone softly and his cheeks too. His nose was her personal favorite to kiss.

She had washed him completely. His hair, his face, his whole body. Her hands hadn’t missed a single spot of him. They got out of the shower. Brock promised to repay her another time. She knew that he just meant he would repay her with a shower like that. She found that funny, since he did it often.

They laid down together in their hotel bed. Brock’s hair was still wet. Y/N had put her hair into the shower cap, since her hair had been perfectly fine before. They laid there in silence. She had her arms around him. His head was on her chest, nose nestled in the valley between her breasts.

Brocks fingers ran down Y/Ns waist, brushing over the bump of her hip showing where her bone was. Y/N shifted slightly beneath him. He lifted his head slightly.

“Whats wrong?” He asked, concerned.

“Nothing, baby. Aren’t you tired though?”

“Mm… not too tired for you.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. The first smile of the night. How could she resist? She kissed him back, fingers pushing into his damp hair. Y/N put her hand on him and managed to push him onto his back. It was easier to push him around in bed than on the field.

Her knees were on both sides of his legs. She arched her back and her chest pressed against his as their kisses grew more desperate. Brock, who was normally the top, was of course trying to get over her again. She tsked softly and kept him under her.

“You did enough work today. Let me take care of you, ok?” She whispered against his lips. Brock groaned and his eyes screwed shut as he felt her press her palm against his crotch. He bucked his hips up towards her hand. Y/N smiled and then pulled away, making her way between his legs. She pulled off his pajama bottoms and threw them aside. Brock watched her with glazed over eyes.

Her hand wrapped around his cock and his eyes screwed shut. It had been a while since they had sex. He had been too busy at practice and she had been working a lot recently. It must’ve been close to two or three months since the last time they had a chance to even touch themselves.

Y/N leaned forward and kissed his tip. He was long, maybe around 7.5 inches, yet on the slightly thinner side. There was a vein that went from the base of his cock and almost to his tip. His tip was a pretty soft pink. There was a beauty mark right on the spot where the tip of her nose ended up when she deep-throated him.

Brock reached down and stroked her hair softly as she took him into her mouth. Her tongue swirled around his cock. She treated him as if she was an artist and he was a sugar cube that she wanted to carve artwork into without turning it into just powder. Brock’s head fell back in complete and utter bliss. She knew exactly how to please him. On many occasions, when Brock was away for a longer time, he would try to mimic what she did. He would try to do the things she did to him. She tried the way she gave him handjobs, but it was harder to cum by his own hand.

Y/N knew his body like the back of her own hand. Brock forced his eyes open as he gazed down at her, his eyes filled with just pure adoration. He loved his wife more than anything. She looked up at him as she sucked on his tip. Then she lowered her head back down. The tip of her nose pushed against that beauty mark.

Her hands gave his balls a soft squeeze, urging him to cum. Brock’s back arched slightly off the bed as he bit his lip. He had his hand on the back of her head as he was about to push her head a bit. She took his hand off of her head and just held if instead. Her eyes met his as she held his hand. The soft and loving act mixed with the way their bodies connected in such an intimate way was enough for Brock to be pushed over the edge.

His climax swept over him in waves, and she could taste it. Not waves as in the soft waves on a lake made by some rain, but the waves in the middle of the North Sea. Brock went to pull his hand away to try to hold back his moans, but she didn’t allow it. His head fell to the side as he panted and groaned. A whine came from his lips the moment she pulled off of him.

“Thank you,” Brock whispered as his wife stuck out her tongue to show that she swallowed. It wasn’t like he would do anything if she didn’t swallow, it was just out of habit. His hands reached for her desperately, in need of her warmth, in need of her love and attention.

Y/N hummed in response to his thanks. She leaned down and kissed him again, making him taste himself on her tongue. Brock grunted at the taste. Her hand was already around his cock again, slowly jerking him off. He jolted at the extra stimulation. His hand instinctively grabbed her wrist as his eyes rolled back.

Slowly but surely, Y/N managed to ease herself onto his cock. About halfway down, she was whimpering and burying her face in the crook of his neck. No matter how much they did this, she couldn’t get used to the sheer length of him. Brock closed his eyes as his hands gripped her hips, urging her to take him further. She slid down the other half with just a quick drop.

“Oh my- fuck!” She moaned and her nails dug into his shoulder. The man who sat under her looked at her, eyes half lidded. His eyes were clouded with love and desire. He leaned forward to kiss her while he tightened his grip on her waist to guide her to slowly roll her hips on his. Y/N trembled but eventually the stinging pain went away. Her eyes rolled back from the way he filled her up completely. His ring was cold on her ass. Her ring was cold on the nape of his neck.

Brock grunted as he thrusted weakly up into her. He was too tired for much of an effort.

He promised to himself and to his wife that he would make it up. He would last longer. Being only three or so minutes in, he was already fighting back his orgasm. His nose was in the crook of her neck as he held his wife as close as possible. Usually, their sex had a bit more energy. Not tonight. Just the soft rolling and grinding of their hips. Y/N had her eyes closed as she let out quiet breathy moans. Just the feeling of him that close could get her to cum.

Brock had let go of her hips. He was basically just hugging her now. His arms were around her waist. His breathing grew more ragged as time went on. She knew his body far too well. She knew what every type of his breathing meant and she knew he was close. His cock twitched inside of her.

“Come on, B.” She whispered to him, kissing his neck softly before leaning back to look at him. His cheeks were red, his lips were puffy. He looked absolutely flawless. His chest was heaving and his eyes screwed shut as he instinctively tried to hide his face from her as he was about to cum. Y/N grabbed his wrists and just held his hands, not allowing him to hide.

Brock’s orgasm hit him like a truck. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body twitched. His hips bucked up into her and she nearly fell off of him, but she grabbed the headboard to stay stable.

Y/N continued rolling her hips for a moment longer to help him ride out his orgasm. His eyes shot open as his abs rolled and his muscles flexed. He held her still.

“Did you cum?” He asked once he had calmed.

“Its ok, baby. Tonight was about you.” She reminded him softly. Brock frowned and pulled her off of his cock.

“No, come on. I couldn’t have done it without you.” He muttered as he laid her on the bed. He moved so that he was behind her. Y/N had her back pressed against his chest. His hand slipped down between her thighs.

Her back arched the moment he touched her clit. His hands were aching and his muscles screamed in protest, but he still pushed two fingers into her entrance. She swallowed him up gladly. Brock kissed her jaw as he pumped his fingers deep into her.

“Brock- baby, I cant-” Y/N gasped as her thighs shook and clamped around his hand. He used his other hand to pin her hips to him, taking away her ability to move. It was times like these that she realized that he could really push her around without even blinking.

His thumb toyed with her clit as he added a third finger into her pussy. She gasped and her whole body shook. Brock smirked and sped up.

Her eyes closed as she leaned her head back onto his shoulder. It wasn’t just Y/N who knew his body. Brock knew hers. He knew this was her trying to prepare herself to cum. He also knew he didn’t want her to be all that prepared. His fingers curled and she nearly screamed his name. He immediately clasped his other hand over her mouth to muffle her a bit.

Her hips bucked up into his hand, riding his fingers as she came. Brock hummed in satisfaction and then pulled out his fingers. He kissed her softly, then kicked his fingers clean as he stood up and went to grab a towel.

Even though he had been the one being comforted earlier, he always wanted to be the one to treat her after sex. He cleaned off her body with the wet cloth and then did the same for himself. He dried her off, then himself. Always himself second. Wife first.

Brock climbed into the bed with her and for once, neither minded the overwhelming smell. Her arms were immediately around him as she laid on him for a second. Then she sat up.

“Are you feeling any better?” Y/N asked him softly. Brock cleared his throat nervously. He knew he couldn’t successfully lie to her. May as well try though.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He lied through his teeth. Y/N opened her arms. Brock frowned, then he moved into them. They hugged, but she never let go. The continuing feeling of her love and the warmth of her comfort was too much. He finally broke down, sobbing as he held her.

They both knew it was bound to happen. Her fingers raked through his short hair as she worked to comfort him. Maybe the next Super Bowl would work in his favor.

[bad268]

Mr. Irrelevant Becomes Relevant (Brock Purdy X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/NFL

Requested: Nope, in honor of the Super Bowl

Warnings: hurt/comfort, insecurities, one sex joke at the end if you squint

Pronouns: Second Person (You/your and one use of ma’am)

W.C. 1356

Summary: When the weight of the Super Bowl gets too much, the reader takes it upon themself to show Brock why he's there.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

The road to the Super Bowl was long and tiring, but it was finally here. After being knocked out of the playoffs last year from a dirty play that ended in Brock being taken out of the game, he was back and on a roll. This was the first Super Bowl you had a personal connection with since you started your job as a Field Team Coordinator in 2021 after graduating from Iowa State. Your job was to plan the stage and work with the chosen artist to structure how the Apple Halftime Show would go. 

Maybe it was the fact that this was the first year you were doing it all on your own or maybe it was the fact that your boyfriend and his team were playing in the game, but you were beyond anxious and excited for everything. 

You had to be in Las Vegas two weeks before the Super Bowl, so you left Brock in San Francisco right after the championship game (after storming the field and congratulating him of course). He had to stay back with the team, but he met you there the following week.

It was hard the week leading up to the Super Bowl. You knew he was having doubts and overanalyzing every game he had ever played, and you wanted to comfort him. You really did! However, he had training during the mornings, and you had to be at the stadium by noon to run through the halftime show every night, so you had to settle for the brief morning interactions.

A short “You’ve got this” or “I believe in you” in passing became the short-term norm. It was not much, but it got what you needed to say out there. It seemed like it did not really help with Brock’s nerves, unfortunately.

That’s why you were happy to find out that Kyle Shanahan made Saturday a rest day, so you called in and told your right hands that you would be available remotely. If it was an emergency and they really needed you, you would go in, but there were not any pressing matters. Everything with the halftime show had already been settled, and there were no more preparations you could physically do. Just a few emails and short meetings that could be done through the hotel WiFi.

Waking up that morning, you were surprised to not find Brock still in bed, but you should have guessed that. You climbed out of bed and made your way out of the bedroom to the lounge, stopping in the doorway. To your not surprise, Brock was sitting on one of the armchairs rewatching games with headphones on. He was just wearing a pair of sweatpants as he immersed himself in the film, not noticing you walk up behind him. 

You stood behind the chair before running your hands across his shoulders as you wrapped your arms around them and leaned down, hiding your face in his neck. He did not turn his attention away from the screen but moved one of his arms up to hold your forearm as he continued watching, dropping his head a couple of times to kiss your knuckles. You placed small kisses on his neck and shoulders as you waited for the quarter to end and for his attention to be on you.

It did not take long since there were only a couple of minutes left, so when the quarter did end, he paused the recording and set the laptop on the coffee table. You walked around the chair and gently pulled Brock to stand with you. You wrapped your arms around his middle as he wrapped his around your shoulders and swayed you two back and forth. You ran your hands up and down his back, feeling the tense muscles before you pulled back to look up at him.

“You’re tense,�� You whispered. “Stop psyching yourself out before the game even starts. That’s not gonna do you any good, babe.”

“I can’t really help it,” He chuckled under his breath. “Patrick Maholmes has done this before and he’s one of the best quarterbacks.”

“And how do you think he became one of the best?” You retorted sarcastically. “Oh yeah! Winning Super Bowls. Isn’t it crazy that you also happen to be in a Super Bowl right now, and you could win it? You did not get here through luck, Brock. You have a strong team behind you, and you’re a pretty good shot. It’s not some fluke that got you here. It was your hard work and dedication that got you in the Super Bowl. Don’t downgrade yourself like that.”

“You make that sound like a win already,” He laughed again as he left a kiss on your forehead. “We’ve still got a game to play.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t sound like you’re mentally ready to face the Chiefs, Brock,” You sighed as you stopped swaying with him. You moved your hands to hold his face and make him look at you. “You’re never going to win if you’re already thinking like you’ve lost. Let me put it this way. Did Patrick get in the Super Bowl his first full year in the NFL?”

“No, he didn’t,” Brock admitted with a small smile.

“That’s right,” You praised. “And when he did get in the Super Bowl for the first time, did he come off of a UCL injury which also happened during his 8th game and the NFC Championship Game no less?”

“No, he didn’t,” Brock chuckled as his smile got bigger. “I think I get the point now.”

“I don’t think you do,” You joked with him. “I need you to understand your worth and your potential. This is your first full year, and you are playing against some of the best in the league. I need you to start thinking like a champ 'cause we’re doomed if you start thinking like you’ve lost it, and it hasn’t even started.”

“We’re doomed?” He asked in mock offense, “I think we’re forgetting who has the best offense in the league!” 

“That’s the attitude I’m looking for, babe!” You cheered with him. You laughed as Brock jokingly walked around the room as if hyping himself up for the game that was scheduled for tomorrow. “Show them that this is where Mr. Irrelevant becomes relevant, and what better way to do that than to beat the reigning Super Bowl champs.”

Brock’s mood seemed to lift drastically the more he thought about showing the world that he could lead his team to a Super Bowl championship in just his first full year. He chuckled at the thought before walking up to you, lifting you, and spinning you around. When he finally set you back down, he pulled you into a messy kiss, clearly still running from the slight adrenaline. You chuckled against his lips as you returned the energy to the kiss and ran your fingers through his hair.

After a few minutes, he pulled away so you could both catch your breaths. You started chuckling lightly causing him to look at you questioninly. You loved one of your hands from his hair to hold his chin. 

“We’re going to have a chill day, no film, no training. Just self-care and relaxation, just you and me,” You whispered, pulling him into one last kiss. “And don’t take offense to this, but you are going to go shave before you give me a burn. Then we’ll go get some breakfast.”

“I thought you said I would look good with a beard,” He chuckled, running his hand over the light stubble he had. “Though you said I would look hot.”

“That’s something we can experiment with during the off-season, champ, but right now, it’s irritating,” You laughed with him before patting his chest as you pushed away from him, “I’m also willing to bet we will do a lot more than kissing today, so go shave now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” He jokingly saluted as he took off toward the bathroom with a smile. Without a doubt, he was ready to show them that Mr. Irrelevant is relevant.

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[rodmantrinitysoccer]

STOP HYPOCRISY

I'm not a fan of Nick Bosa, but all this repudiation from some people on this site about his political choice is nothing more than complete hypocrisy! What world were you living in? It's been known since his draft pick (back in 2019) that he was a MAGA, he had several prejudiced and pro-Trump tweets that he had to delete so as not to tarnish his image, and now you come with this talk that you were surprised by his opinion, when at the beginning of this year he was all smiles with Trump in the UFC? Go find something useful in life to do instead of giving your opinion on other people's lives and making up fake news and putting on a show of hypocrisy. P.S: I'm sure there must be other players who are pro-Trump (including your favorites), but the difference is that Bosa had the courage to speak out, so why don't you attack these other players too?

[dollwritess]

NFL MASTERLIST

Ricky Pearsall-

Brock Purdy-

Maxx Crosby-

Nick Bosa-

Isiah Pacheco- Isiah p

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Behind The OC Name

Thank you @kaitaiga @alypink @welldonekhushi @revnah1406 for the tag! Let's do this!

OKAY. I'm gonna turn into a bachelor of yappology here so bear with me ☝️🤓

🌹 Charlotte 'Jade' Le Jardin 🌹

Initially, I wanted to name her 'Roxanne'. Some of you might know this, but Jade used to be my original story's main character called Louisa. BUT, Louisa's initial name was Roxanne. I didn't know why, but elementary school me liked Roxanne so much (I didn't even know that it's also a song title by The Police back then HAHAH). I wanted a very recognizable name, but I think it was a bit much, so I switched to Charlotte because of Charlotte Bronte, the writer. Also, it turns out that 'Charlotte' means 'free man', it's pretty cool since Jade's story is mainly about breaking free from MI6's influence and shackles along with her parents. Meanwhile, Le Jardin was the result of Jade's family's occupation as a florist. I mean, it's a fake last name anyway as they were making an entirely new identity after escaping from MI6.

Jade was literally just because she had a green eyes, but I felt it's too cliche so I made an entirely new black division of MI6 where each agent is named of a type of ore/jewel. Plus, Jade is just easy to pronounce and recognizable, perfect for communication purpose!

🐞 Eleanor 'Ladybug' Graham 🐞

Eleanor's name came up just out of the blue from my mind. I drew Lady's design first, and then decided to make a name for her, and it's either Eleanor or Claudia, and I thought Claudia doesn't suit her at all, so I stayed with Eleanor. Eleanor means 'Light-hearted' or 'shining light', kind of goes along with her 'take-it-easy' attitude and how she's a medic and becomes the light of hope for the wounded. The surname Graham is literally just my obsession with Will Graham from Hannibal. My 14-16 year old ahh was obsessed with NBC Hannibal, and Will held a special place in my heart LOL.

When I created Ladybug, I knew I wanted a special and a cheeky callsign for her to pair with Gaz. I never really liked bugs, but I thought back then that a ladybug's shape and pattern is so damn cute and endearingly silly. So I just went with Ladybug. AND THEN, The NFC Championship 2023 game happened between 49ers vs Lions. Brandon Aiyuk caught a pass from Brock Purdy after the ball straight up bounced from Kindle Vildor's helmet, which resulted in a touchdown in the next play. At the interview post game, Aiyuk said "a ladybug landed on my shoe." JUST THEN I KNEW THAT LADYBUG MEANS 'GOOD LUCK'. And then the gears on my brain turned, and I can connect with how Gaz is always unfortunately hanging/falling from an aircraft, be it an airplane or a helicopter. The fact that he's always came out ALIVE after those events just tell me, there's gotta be a ladybug that's always with him 24/7!

🔥 Barandos 'Bara' Tarigan 🔥

For Bara, I just KNOW that his name's gotta be Bara because there's a celebrity chef from Indonesia called Bara Patirajawane, and it's such a sick name that I just had to make it into a name of my OC HAHAH. Bara also means 'fire embers' and it's pretty cool ngl. Tarigan is a Batak tribe surname (I'm half Batak from my name), so I just wanna have that element on my OC.

⏳ Silja Freyrsdottir ⏳

For Silja, I actually had quite a hardtime to name my OC. I didn't know what her appeareance yet, her story yet, and like what her role was in the God of War Ragnarok storyline. So I started to think of what goddess she was, and I wanted it to be close to Heimdall, so the Goddess of Memory and Remembrance it was. I then searched for that kind of god in the Norse mythology, and I didn't really find anyone that came close to what I imagined, so I just started from sratch. I sketched her character, and as I draw her I make up a story in my mind. Oh, she's an adventurer, a rogue princess, hmmm from what realm, Alfheim? Let's do that cuz I love Freyr. I wanted her name to be either 'Silja' which ironically means 'blind', or Ragnhild, which means 'battlecounsel'. QUICKLY I feel that Ragnhild sounded to professional for her adventurous character. Silja sounded so right, and her name could be like a contradiction to what her ability is, which is seeing people's pasts, but blind to the present (a flaw much like Heimdall's).

Tagging YOU 🫵 Reblog this with your OC's name lore!

[jlalafics]

In which Hubbs and I imagine Brock Purdy, Kit Connor, and of course, Josh Hutcherson as the Mellark brothers.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Just for fun, imagine this as the cast/contestants of an American adaptation of “Physical 100”:

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, actor/former pro wrestler

Martin Sensmeier, actor/model

Jason Momoa, actor

Adam Driver, actor/former U.S. Marine

Brie Larson, actress

Brandon Curry, bodybuilder

Christian Guzman, bodybuilder/YouTuber

Bradley Martin, bodybuilder/YouTuber

Kali Muscle, bodybuilder/actor/YouTuber

Nonito Donaire, boxer

Deontay Wilder, boxer

Mary McGee, boxer

Andre Ward, boxer (retired)

Lauren Taylor, CrossFit

Jocko Willink, former Navy SEAL

Cydney Gillon, IFBB professional figure and fitness competitor

Renee Enos, influencer/bodybuilder

Massy Arias, influencer/health and fitness coach

Jen Selter, influencer/fitness model

Lauren Drain, influencer/fitness model

Logan Paul, influencer/WWE wrestler

Jake Paul, influencer/boxer

Mike Trout, MLB

Bryce Harper, MLB

Mark Kolozsvary, MLB

Jesus Ferreira, MLS

Zach LaVine, NBA

Steph Curry, NBA

Seth Curry, NBA

Jimmy Butler, NBA

Jordan Clarkson, NBA

Jeremy Lin, NBA/PLG

Shaquille O’Neal, NBA (retired)

Brock Purdy, NFL

Patrick Mahomes, NFL

Jimmy Garoppolo (“Jimmy G”), NFL

Jalen Hurts, NFL

Joe Burrow, NFL

Josh Allen, NFL

Tyreek Hill, NFL

Phil Kessel, NHL

Becky Sauerbrunn, NWSL

Ariel Torres, Olympic bronze medalist in karate

Nevin Harrison, Olympic gold medalist in canoeing

Jennifer Valente, Olympic gold medalist in cycling

Andrew Capobianco, Olympic gold medalist in diving

Nathan Chen, Olympic gold medalist in figure skating

Alex Hall, Olympic gold medalist in freestyle skiing

Simone Biles, Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics

Aly Raisman, Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics

Gabby Douglas, Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics

Sunisa “Suni” Lee, Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics

Lindsey Vonn, Olympic gold medalist in skiing

Chloe Kim, Olympic gold medalist in snowboarding

Nick Baumgartner, Olympic gold medalist in snowboarding

Katie Ledecky, Olympic gold medalist in swimming

Nathan Adrian, Olympic gold medalist in swimming

Michael Cherry, Olympic gold medalist in track and field

Rai Benjamin, Olympic gold medalist in track and field

Athing Mu, Olympic gold medalist in track and field

Katie Moon, Olympic gold medalist in track and field (pole vault)

David Taylor, Olympic gold medalist in wrestling

Nyjah Huston, professional skateboarder

Matt Ladley, professional snowboarder

Mia Fishel, professional soccer player (Tigres UANL Femenil)

Brian Shaw, professional strongman

Jerry Pritchett, professional strongman

Dom Gabriel (��Dom Cruise”), reality TV star (The Mole/Perfect Match)

Joey Sasso, reality TV star (The Circle/Perfect Match)

Kolohe Andino, surfer

Gemma Nguyen, stunt performer/martial artist (see: Gamology)

Noah Fleder, stunt performer (see: Gamology)

Vincent Bouillon, stunt performer (see: John Wick Chapter 4)

Chris Brewster, stunt performer (see: Daredevil)

Lateef Crowder dos Santos, stunt performer (see: The Mandalorian)

Danica Goodheart, U.S. Army veterinarian and NPC Figure competitor

Colby Covington, UFC

Julianna Peña, UFC

Stipe Miocic, UFC

Dustin Jacoby, UFC

Kelvin Gastelum, UFC

Beneil Dariush, UFC

Max Holloway, UFC

Cub Swanson, UFC

Matt Schnell, UFC

Tatiana Suarez, UFC

Rose Namajunas, UFC

Holly Holm, UFC

Breanna Stewart, WNBA

Candace Parker, WNBA

Roman Reigns, WWE

Dolph Ziggler, WWE

Alexa Bliss, WWE

Cody Rhodes, WWE

Ronda Rousey, WWE/former MMA fighter

Brock Lesnar, WWE/former MMA fighter

Mikhail Varshavski (“Dr. Mike”), YouTuber and amateur boxer

Cassey Ho (“Blogilates”), YouTuber

Adrienne Mishler (“Yoga with Adrienne”), YouTuber

Jeff Cavaliere (“ATHLEAN-X”), YouTuber/bodybuilder

[mamaestapa]

i saw an interview or whatever where someone asked about his game day fits and brock said he doesn't shop at kohls but has 'connections'

connections to jc penny, marshalls and macys

i work at a marshalls so just imagine if he plays the panthers next season and i just watch him walk into my marshalls and spend $200 on the 'fanciest' clothing we sell to get a game day fit

'bye everyone- oh hi brock purdy good game welcome to marshalls- ill see yall tomorrow' and snap a quick photo

[ik he wouldn't but it's funny to think about + i work in the back only so i don't have to interact with customers]

HAHAHA PLEASE

that would be amazing if you saw brock shopping fit his pre game fits while you’re at work. take pics for the girlies👀

[moonley18]

Brock Purdy George Kittle Step Brother Shirt: Family Ties on Game Day

Celebrate the unique bond of football brotherhood with the Brock Purdy George Kittle Step Brother Shirt. As fans of the game know, camaraderie extends beyond the field, and this shirt pays tribute to the imagined step-brotherhood between Iowa State Cyclones' quarterback Brock Purdy and San Francisco 49ers' tight end George Kittle.

Featuring a playful and imaginative design, this shirt captures the essence of fan fiction and sports camaraderie. Whether you're a supporter of Iowa State, the San Francisco 49ers, or simply appreciate the humor in this fictional family connection, the Brock Purdy George Kittle Step Brother Shirt is a fun and spirited addition to your wardrobe that showcases the lighthearted side of sports fandom.

Check it out here: Teemoonley.com

[glittter-vamp]

dak is ass why tf does he get a big contract when he's the qb for the cowboys,,, he's getting paid for helping the cowboys choke in the playoffs every year,,, imagine giving a dude that's never been to the nfc championship in 8 years in the league a bigger contract than like joe or someone whos atleast made it to the nfc/afc championship

man brock purdys mr irrelevant and made it to the superbowl and gets paid barely anything why tf does dak get paid more

cowboys are desperate is2g

sorry if this makes no sense im multitasking

I hear you but that’s why I said it’s become a game of one upping each other at this point. Cowboys paying Dak that much is simply because they can and for ego boosting of the person cutting him that check.

Will it bite them in the ass eventually for playing this dumb game? Absolutely. Will it suck for their fans? 100%. But I for one enjoy seeing these rich white men spend their money stupidly, especially Jerry’s POS self 😁 Here’s to another season of seeing him upset in his suite! 🥂

[awritessomething]

Hi! Can you write morning sex with Brock Purdy? Just something soft and sweet

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 | brock purdy x fem!reader

requests

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | Brock had an amazing game the night before. The 49ers won by a long shot. Brock’s wife was cheering him on, he decides to show her how much he loved her for that.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut, pre-established relationship, piv, lazy sex, unprotected sex, creampie, missionary, subtle breeding kink, soft!dom!Brock, sub!reader, swearing, aftercare

I have SEVEN brock purdy requests. I love y’all. Fun fact: it’s very hard to find Brock gifs. Pinterest is failing me.

Brock had brought his team to yet another win. They won by a long shot, it was insane. Of course, he knew he had his own supporter up in the stadium. She was cheering him on. His wife, the reason he got this far in the first place.

The moment that they were reunited after the game, Y/N had her arms around her husband. She was congratulating him excessively. Brock held her close, his eyes barely able to stay open. He was more tired than usual and as much as he wanted to be able to take her out on a post-game date or something, he simply didn’t have the energy.

The couple headed back to their hotel and the moment Brock hit the bed, he had passed out. Although Y/N was used to their… traditions, she wouldn’t wake him just for that. Instead, she laid next to him and also drifted off to sleep.

The night seemed to go on forever, the hours seeming like days. Brock slept like a baby though. He was holding onto his wife and his head was on her chest. It was usually the opposite. Still, it was nice.

Once morning came, their alarm went off, waking them both. They had forgotten about the alarm clock and it had slipped their minds to turn it off the night before. Brock jolted awake and then nearly punched the alarm clock to turn it off. Y/N wheezed when Brock put his weight onto her.

“Oh- sorry, baby.” Brock mumbled and kissed her cheek. She simply hummed in response. Brock was basically laying on her still, but he had put more weight onto his arms so that he was holding himself up a bit.

“You were tired last night,” she whispered, “are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah, a lot. Sorry I was so tired, I feel guilty.” Brock frowned and leaned down to kiss her. She let him.

“Its ok, I’m just glad you got some rest.”

“Let me make it up to you, Y/N. Please?” He smiled as he kissed along her jaw. She couldn’t turn down her husband. She moaned a response, so he kept going. His hands went to her thighs, tapping them and getting her to spread them. She did.

Brock groaned as he ground his hips against hers. They looked at each other and then Brock continued nibbling on the sensitive skin of her neck. Y/N arched her back towards him. His fingers hooked around her pajama shorts and then tugged them down. He sat up to throw them aside along with his sweatpants. Their shirts went next.

Both Y/N and Brock were still exhausted, but not too exhausted for each other. Brock held onto her thighs for a moment as he was pushing his cock into her. Y/Ns head fell back in a soft moan. He eased himself inside her until his tip nudged her cervix and his balls pressed against her ass.

He could hardly hold himself up though. His muscles ached and everything in his body was sore. Her legs were over his shoulders as he leaned down and put his nose into the crook of her neck. They took a moment to just lay there together and adjust before Brock made slow rolls of his hips. Y/Ns hands ran down his back and then back up to tangle in his hair.

Brock’s grunts and Y/Ns moans were all that could be heard. There wasn’t much energy (or any at all) in their movements, but every small thrust or slow roll was full of love. His mind was completely fogged over and he couldn’t think of anything except for her. Y/N. His wife. The love of his life. That was it.

Neither of them could last too long, it was too early in the morning and neither had the energy to try and fight off their orgasms. Brock had one of his hands touching her waist and the other beside her head to keep himself stable.

Brock’s hand on her waist drifted to her stomach. It ran over the parts of her body which one day could carry his child. He let out a groan at that. She let out a sharp gasp when he thrusted a little bit harder than before. Brock muttered an apology against her skin, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He was greedy. He wanted as much of her as he could take and that she could give. His groans and grunts got louder and she was muffling her moans in his collarbone.

Her legs twitched and Brock realized she was close. His hand moved from her stomach to flick her clit. She whined and instinctively tried to move away, but she couldn’t. Brock made sure of it. He wanted to feel her cum around his cock.

She whimpered and cried his name as her orgasm hit. Brock put his head next to hers and she was basically moaning into his ear. He could only get in a few more thrusts before he realized he was also nearly at his climax.

“Fuck- come on, sweetheart.” He grunted and his thrusts got a bit more irregular. She gasped and her nails dug into his back. He was babbling into her ear at this point, begging for her to give him a baby. To give him a son to raise in his footsteps. His eyes were screwed shut and his thrusts managed to hit deeper and deeper until he came.

It seemed as if he came straight into her womb. He continued with shallow thrusts, still not a single thought in his mind. Y/N pushed lightly at his chest and he leaned back a bit to look at her.

“Hm?” He hummed.

“Are you gonna pull out?”

“Dont think so.” He responded blankly. “I cant let anything drip, can I?” He teased as he pulled her close and had them move a bit. He laid on his back, she laid on top of him. It was easier for them both that way.

They just laid together like that for a while in silence before Brock spoke up.

“Are you hungry?” He asked, murmuring into her hair. As much as he wanted to just lay there with her, he had to make sure that she was ok.

“No, I’m not too hungry right now.”

“I guess you are pretty full.” He gave her waist a squeeze. Y/N snorted at his stupid joke.

“You’re a goof.” Y/N giggled softly as she rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Brock wrapped his arms around her and sighed.

“All yours.”

[bad268]

Hi can I request Brock Purdy bcs he just look so hawt when the NFL posted that the 49ers are in the building

This picture did something to me pls, I want a fluffy but really hawt smut

Iykyk 😉

In The Building (Brock Purdy X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/NFL

Requested: Clearly (Happy Super Bowl yall)

Warnings: none

Pronouns: Second POV (You/your)

W.C. 691

Summary: Pre-game anxiety requires pre-game reassurance

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~

“You do realize that this is the Super Bowl and not the Met Gala, right?” You complained from your spot on the bed. Brock had woken up impossibly early. From nerves, excitement or just his mental alarm not letting him back to sleep, you will never know. He decided now was the best time to frantically look through his suitcase for his outfit. You groaned as he kept mumbling to himself, causing you to sit up and throw a pillow at him. It hit him in the head, and he finally looked over at you. “You’re walking through a tunnel and then putting on your gear. Do you really need to fuss this much about it?”

“It’s the Super Bowl, and it’s Vegas,” He sighed as he gently threw the pillow back as he stood up and walked to the bed. He sat back on his side as he pulled you into his chest, just needing something, someone, to hold onto. “They’re gonna tear into me unless I look perfect.”

“I swear, no one cares,” You laughed as you rolled yourself up to sit on his lap. “It’s clothes and as long as you’re covered, I do not think they will care. For god’s sake, where is the guy who casually wore a stained t-shirt and jeans to the NFC Championship game? Huh? Where is the carefree attitude? You’re letting everything pile before the pile has even started.”

“It’s stressful being the quarterback, and it’s stressful trying to find something acceptable for the Super Bowl,” he laughed. You gave him a short kiss before standing up and walking to the closet where you hung up a suit you thought he would look good in. Before you could get to the closet, you stopped and pointed at his suitcase. “What about it?”

“Did you bring your entire closet with you?” You accused as you started to put the clothes back in the case. “Do you not remember me packing your suit because you said you didn’t want to stress about it later. This whole conversation could have been avoided, Brock.”

“Oh, I forgot in all the chaos,” He admitted as he stood up to help you clean it up.

“No, go put the suit on. I’ll worry about this while you get in the mindset for the game. The last thing your team needs is a distracted quarterback,” you lectured, pushing him toward the bathroom. “We’ll go get breakfast when you're done and head to the stadium.”

He just needed to calm down and think of it less as a Super Bowl and more a more of a normal game. Otherwise, he would overthink everything. Relatively speaking, it did not take long for him to get in the zone.

And you were off.

Vegas was not known for having a lot of good breakfast places, but the hotel you were staying at had a decent spread. There was stuff that you liked, stuff that he liked, and there was no need to compromise. It was fairly lax so there were not a lot of people around. You both were able to sit down and enjoy the calm before the storm that would be inevitable at the stadium.

When you finished up, it was already time to leave. The car was in front of the hotel, ready to pick up some of the key players and take them to the stadium.

When the car pulled up to the tunnel, all of the other players and their significant others climbed out and were practically flash banged from the paparazzi’s cameras. You two hung back a minute letting the hectic news die down before you faced the masses.

“Are you ready to make your debut?” You asked, grabbing his hand in reassurance as you rubbed your thumb over his knuckles. “You’ll do great, you know.”

“Let’s do this thing,” he said strongly before letting out a breath and moving to step out of the car, holding out a hand to you. You walked hand-in-hand down the tunnel through the flashing lights toward the hectic locker room

“And the San Francisco 49ers are in the building.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[drdamiang]

DUCKED THE BULLET

DUCKED THE BULLET

We ducked a bullet big time. I was watching Grant Cohn and the Coach comductimg a post-Super Bowl discussipn anf both gentlemen were on top form and harmonizing on all frequencies. Then, talking about overtime and convinced that the Niners rather neglectfully and, given the stakes, somewhat idiotically, were presumimg that the overtime rules had not changed and thus the old rules which dictated sudden death victory for the team taking the ball first (which the Niners had elected to do, much to the total incomprehension of the Chiefs) if they scored a touchdown. Grant thought for a moment and then posed a hypothetical question: what if the Niners HAD scored a touchdown and thus believing the rule was sudden death in the event of a touchdown, started celebrating believing that they had won. Grant and the Coach raised this bizarre what if and just left it there.

I was thinking about this and believe that if it had happened two really terrible thinhs would have happened: the emotional shock of believing that they had done it only to be rudely awakened by officials spelling out in basic grade school English what the new rules wers saying may have been disastrous for some players. Their SuperBowl would have become a nightmare. Now they would have to defemd against Mahomes knowing that a TD from him plus a two point conversion, in what would have been the most monstrous reversal imaginable would give Kansas the victory.

But that is not the worst: far from it. Imagine the scene: the Niners go crazy with celebration: ww have our sixth Lombardi, the joy is irrepressible the whole explosion of ecstasy unstoppable. The monkey is off Kyle's back. Meanwhile the media and the rest of the world watching the game thinks the Niners have gone insane, pundits as confused as the millions watching are so baffled they think the Niners have lost it. Which of course we have. It would have taken ages to sort out before the game could be gotten back on track, and as a result:

1. The NFL would never forgive us, we had messed up a Super Bowl like no team ever before. They may try devious methods to make surs we never get to the SB again, and who could blame them?

2. It would bring the end of the great Niner legacy we would become a standing and a pariah. We would never live it down and never be allowed to live it down

3. We would become a tragic franchise. There but for the grace of God go I. A tale of hubris and a catastrophic fall from grace to end all catastrophic falls from Grace.

4. It would have, there and then, pretty much killed Brock Purdy's fairy tale trip to the SuperBowl.

[pint4punt]

And the Lombardi goes to:

What NFL Fanbases’ Bullshit Sob Story Deserves it All

Championship Sunday is finally upon us and boy have the scriptwriters got compelling stories this go round! With the playoffs narrowed down to the final four, we’ve got unforgettable narratives for…….almost all of the QBs still in this! Statistics, scheme, and matchups be damned (let’s be honest you’ve heard every prediction imaginable since these matchups were set).

Today we’ll be focusing on what really matters. Who has the most compelling sob story for quality Super Bowl ratings! Who could forget classics such as ‘Tom Brady Builds a Super Team to Prove it was Him All Along’ or the all star cast of Matthew Stafford, Odell Beckham Jr., and Von Miller in ‘The NFL Really Wants the Robust LA Market!’ featuring Snoop Dogg on the original motion picture soundtrack! You see a ‘may the best team win approach’ is fine for a place setter, but storylines put asses in the seats! And don’t worry, as bad as our jokes are, Jo Koy had little to no involvement in this article! So which Lombardi win makes the best headline? Here are the nominees:

Lamar Jackson

Since he declared for the draft Lamar Jackson has had to overcome widespread perception that he was closer to a skill position player than a signal caller. Many scouts questioned his ability to cut it in the pros at the Quarterback position. This stigma was so strong that Lamar fell all the way to the last pick of the First Round.

John Harbaugh believed in Lamar so strongly, that he reinvented himself and rebuilt his entire Offense around Jackson’s skill set. Shit, I would roll the dice too if my job was on the line after several middling seasons with an aging Joe Flacco! Either it works and you look like a genius or it fails catastrophically and you go out with a bang. Luckily for Harbaugh and Lamar, it was the latter with the now presumably 2x MVP set to play in his first AFC Championship game. Lamar has already shaken off the narrative of him not showing up in the playoffs just by making this game. But knocking off the QB who owns a 3-1 record over him for a trip to Sin City would be Oscar gold! Not bad for a running back.

Jared Goff

Everyone loves a comeback story. An underdog achieving in the face of adversity. A character finding a new lease on life and showing all the doubters they were wrong about him. There may not be a better archetype of that narrative than former 1st overall pick Jared Goff and the historically downtrodden Detroit Lions.

After being sent to die in Detroit, a franchise that has seemingly been in a perpetual state of rebuild for damn near the entirety of its existence, Goff watched from afar as Sean McVay gushed over his new QB Matthew Stafford and his old team held up the trophy he could never give them. Following two seasons with no playoff appearances, Goff seized the opportunity to prove to McVay that he’s not a virgin anymore by out-dueling his replacement to give Detroit their first playoff win in 30 years and keep Stafford winless in Ford Field in the post season.

Now he has the Lions on the precipice of a Super Bowl appearance with a chance to give Detroit its first ever Lombardi. Apparently the grass isn’t always greener on the other side……except in this case where it totally is seeing as how the Rams already won their second Super Bowl like two seasons ago thanks specifically to the Stafford trade, while the Lions are still fighting the good fight for Lombardi number one. But hey, everyone’s happy now right?

Brock Purdy

Is there a more inspiring yet polarizing figure in the NFL than Brock Purdy? He’s like a ‘Make a Wish’ kid that the media wants to beat the living shit out of on sight. In fact, we’re fairly certain Ryan Clark has his picture on a punching bag in his home and regularly unleashes a fury of blows onto an 8.5 x 11 cut out of Mr. Irrelevant. But why? Why does the NFL version of Michael Cera incite as much vitriol as….well Michael Cera?

As the last pick of the draft, Purdy was lucky to even make the final roster of a team that was coming off its 2nd conference championship appearance in 3 years. The depth chart in front of him featured a veteran who had taken the Niners to a Super Bowl and a guy Shanahan gave up his left nut for the year before. But Purdy was like that one sperm that ultimately reached conception, despite overwhelming odds, he just wouldn’t be denied!

Following season ending injuries to both Trey Lance and Jimmy G, Purdy took over a Super Bowl contender mid season…..and might have led them to a Super Bowl were it not for a devastating elbow injury in the NFC Championship that ended San Francisco’s dream run. One year and one UCL repair later, Purdy and the Niners picked right up where they left off and now find themselves back in the Conference Title game as if nothing happened. That’s like Greta Thunberg single-handedly fighting off an army of Exxon Oil’s greatest assassins or Joe Biden finishing a Dr. Seuss book with no assistance. We don’t know what’s up the media’s ass, but that seems pretty impressive for a game manager!

Patrick Mahomes

And then there’s Mahomes. The Meryl Streep in all of this. The one who had the least impressive performance with the least impressive story who you just know is going to spoil all the fun of the more deserving nominees. On paper, this fucker shouldn’t even be here let alone have a puncher’s chance with the way their regular season looked. But that’s what makes Patrick Mahomes, well Patrick Mahomes.

He’s like the Lebron James of football. Or better yet, the Tom Brady….of football…. Poor analogies aside, Mahomes defies all logic and drags inferior teams to the promise land. Sure the script doesn’t favor him this year, but guess what? It didn’t favor him last week against the Buffalo team that finally had him their house this postseason! Or in the Super Bowl last year against Jalen Hurts who mostly outplayed him before…..whatever this season was!

The simple fact of the matter is anyone who pays attention already knows how this ends. Mahomes is going to win the god damn Super Bowl….again. Why?!!! Because the academy, the scriptwriters, and the NFL writ large are lazy as all hell! And dynasties keep the fans coming back, just on the off chance that their pessimistic hopes of a downfall might finally come to fruition….even though they probably won’t until the NFL’s new golden boy is well past his prime. And the Lombardi goes to…….the same son of a bitch it always goes to!!!!! Hopefully we’re wrong and we get a fresh story this time around. Otherwise tune in next year for another crappy sequel with a few minor tweaks. Happy Championship Sunday!

[junker-town]

The 2022 NFL Draft All-Name team

Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Who is the kind of names in the 2022 Draft?

At this point we all know the top prospects in the 2022 NFL Draft. The future All-Pros we can imagine leading our team to victory. For those of us with more unconventional desires it’s high time we turned our attention to the best names of the class.

Let me be clear: I unironically love these names. As someone with a fairly boring name that was butchered at Ellis Island when by great-grandfather emigrated, I could only wish to be called “Ty Fryfogle” or “Raleigh Texada.” Those are the names of heroes in ‘80s actions movies, and that’s before we get to Charleston Rambo, who was narrowly edged out at WR this year.

Here is my list for the all-name team of 2022, and after that we need to discuss the NROY (Name Rookie of the Year).

QB: Brock Purdy, Iowa State

RB: John Lovett, Penn State

FB: Monte Pottebaum, Iowa

WR1: Ty Fryfogle, Indiana

WR2: Shocky Jacques-Louis, Pitt

TE: Cole Fotheringham, Utah

OT: Nicholas Petit-Frere, Ohio State

OG: Sage Doxtater, New Mexico State

C: Zach Tom, Wake Forest

OG: Andrew Vorhees, USC

OT: Dare Rosenthal, Kentucky

DE: Big Kat Bryant, UCF

DT: Ralf Rusins, Liberty

DT: Ben Stille, Nebraska

DE: Amare Barno, Virginia Tech

LB: Colin Schooler, Texas Tech

MLB: Chad Muma, Wyoming

LB: Darrian Beavers, Cincinnati

CB1: Raleigh Texada, Baylor

CB2: Russ Yeast, Kansas State

SS: Bubba Bolden, Miami

FS: Smoke Monday, Auburn

K: Cameron Dicker, Texas

P: Ryan Stonehouse, Colorado State

Presenting the 2022 NFL Name Rookie of the Year: SMOKE MONDAY

This isn’t just the best name of the 2022 NFL Draft class, it’s one of the best football names of all time. There are so many great ways you can use Smoke Monday in a sentence that it really makes it sing. Hell, I can imagine Kendall Roy from Succession shadow boxing in his Manhattan penthouse while telling himself to “Smoke Monday” before a big board meeting.

I can envision it being a call to relax as well: “Put in the work Sunday, smoke Monday.”

Even if you use the first name and tell opponents “you don’t want the smoke” it all still works. This name it utter perfection and I hope whoever drafts Smoke Monday will embrace his name brilliance and cherish it for the joy that it is.