#bro why are you like this (it's the trauma i know)
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bloopitynoot · 2 days ago
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Reading TGCF: Chapter Nine
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For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.
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I was debating aloud today which tea I should have when my partner stopped me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "you know which tea you want" and ofc she was correct. We both had masala chai with milk and sugar.
I will drink all of it until my pot of spices run out. I stand that this is peak winter tea.
Tea aside- let's go chapter nine!
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(first off- ignore all of my penmanship in this photo, I had to refill my pen partway through this page so it's looking a little bit rough LOL).
And we have the ship name in the title! I hope cute things happen this chapter :'3 p279
I am absolutely NOT into this garden face's tongue!!! What the fuck p279
My guy, a secondary location is really never a good sign. Those soldiers of Banyue are intense! p281
Why am I over here feeling bad for the garden face. Poor guy has been sort-of-dead for so long, seeing his own body now is causing him body dysmorphia. pp282-283
This pit is actually horrific. They definitely get tossed in here, no question about this chapter's plot, but OMG it's built so terribly- hanging corpse and all. p286
ofc Xie Lian is over here sacrificing himself without a thought first. p288
Well shit. The traitor wasn't A-zhao. Based on the sound they made, this kid is probably super dead t the bottom of this pit. p289
My heart! oh no, sweet baby. Xie Lian's reaction to San Lang jumping into the pit :((((((((((((( p292
I am assuming San Lang has left the building and Hua Cheng is here now. The way he caught Xie Lian- SO CUTE. p296
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Xie Lian: Hey san lang, can you put me down? "San Lang": no. Xie Lian: ?? "San Lang": it's dirty. p298
"It's not important whether you are human or not" :'3 my heeeaaaart p299
oof. okay and then after these sweet words he immediately hits him with a "friendship shouldn't be determined by..." my guy. This man wants you as his husband. p300
ooo! The intrigue! Who actually are the two wandering the streets of Banyue if the Preceptor of Banyue is with them rn. p302
I love Hualian and the Banyue General trauma bonding over the preceptor of Banyue right now. Both of them united by the same enemy. p305
This is what I absolutely love about MXTX. She makes such interesting morally grey stories and characters. I love how she so often makes the "villain" of the story, in this case right now general Kemo, feel straight forward until they really aren't. Once you get to the "villain's" side of the story you're like- huh I see what you did, why you did it, and how it makes sense. Like this guy was really just protecting his family the only way he new how to, or was even able to. pp310-311. I just love how complicated everyone is and how rounded each character- even if they are the grossest garden face man- are.
omg. I thought the situation with the "General's tomb" was just a coincidental story not that it actually was Xie Lian LOL oh no. p318
Not the Hua Xie! Meanwhile San Lang is probably swooning that this guy took his name. p319
Xie Lian: I was so embarrassed that I felt the need to fake my own death. like same bro XD been there. p321
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Okay but now I'm curious as to why the snakes no longer obey her. As a side but also on this page, I do hope Fu Yao has some character growth. This kid takes everything at face value when there is clearly a fuck ton more going on. pp325-326 I do not think this girl is evil!
NO THANK YOU! :((((((((( The highly poisonous snake rain!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOPE. p327
Fu Yao my boy, please think things through
This guy is getting mad at the wrong people and about to narc on Hua Cheng.
I am not ready for the next two chapters. They are the last two in the book and I have a sneaking suspicion shit is about to get fucked.
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elminster-big-naturals · 1 year ago
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this may be controversial but maybe the "astarion and halsin are SO sexually traumatised that you should literally cut your own dick off before thinking abt them romantically you disgusting freaks" goon squad should consider the ramifications of essentially insisting assault survivors be permanently excluded from any kind of sex and romance bc they are too broken and stupid to be trusted to know their own desires and boundaries or have the capacity to want to explore/push them.
you know real survivors (not pixel men but real ppl like me!) can read that shit? do you think pushing the lie that encountering one (1) Genital Wielded With Intent will invariably cause us to crumble to a miserably weepy heap of dust and blow away in the breeze is appreciated or helpful? or implying the people that love or desire us are selfish at best and outright predators at worst?
i'm begging ppl to just be 2% normal about abuse survivors PLEASE. the characters aren't real but the attitude you drag from fandom back into the real world are.
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rapidhighway · 5 months ago
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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grinchwrapsupreme · 10 months ago
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being super normal about White calling Billy "a dreamer"after the events of Maybe No Go
#truly alarming amount of tags on this post don't click read more fr#the venture bros#pete white#bily quizboy#billy whalen#idk man the way they balance each other is really interesting#the things they agree on and disagree on are almost arbitrary#'you can't put mouthwash in a cookie' 'trust me' vs 'we should spend 10 mil on a motorcycle instead of housing' 'that's such a cool idea'#billy trying to pep white up about the ball#'this was your dream too' like come on dude when have pete's dreams ever worked out#when have yours#'what are we gonna do now billy?' 'we'll cross that bridge when we come to it'#baby the bridge has never been more present#ALSO white calling billy the dreamer when HE'S the one who pushes so hard for things#billy has dreams that might not be realistic but they give him hope and he works around the way the world works to make things happen#like being a self-taught surgeon and believing in a magic ball#pete has dreams IN SPITE of what is realistic and he will mold reality to be what he wants in order to make it happen#like fixing the quizshow and pretty much everything that happened in invisible hand of fate#and they both have disabilities that affect them in vastly different ways and impact their relationship with realistic goals#like billy's hydrocephalus being presented to the audience as mostly a social issue for him and the hand and eye being marks of trauma#rather than like an actual block for him beyond needing to tune the hand up every now and then#vs white's albinism making him physically unable to be in direct sunlight and making him actively fearful of doing certain things and#being certain places#to be clear i know the actual effects of hydrocephalus as well as the hand and eye but this is based on how the show presents it#like billy took these things about himself into account and went ok these are part of my reality and i will work with them#and pete took his reality and went ok i will cover it up with fake tan and wigs or sunscreen and hats and make reality what i want it to be#and that's what makes them a good team!! that's why they science together well#it's also why they argue so much#accepting reality and playing within its constraints vs hating reality and changing it to suit you#these are the hallmarks of scientific progress
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beevean · 1 year ago
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I’ll even give you my life Without forgiveness or atonement
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"Hector… I’m so glad I met you… I didn’t think that God was at the altar, but He still gave me the chance to meet you… I’m grateful.
Hector… Thank you for being born... for being here…"
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"Hector?"
"Rosaly… Thank you…"
Even if everything in the world rejects me
As long as I have this warmth Let me live With you
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"What’s the matter? I was exaggerating. Are you crying…?
Your hand is warm…"
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ivan-braginski-2001 · 2 years ago
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Antis saying that therapists need their license revoked if they recommend fiction cope to specific clients with certain trauma or disorders has the exact same energy as anti vaxxers saying doctors should have their license revoked for giving vaccines.
I said what I said.🤷
Also antis fail to remember that a therapist's job is not to make people normal, it's to make them happy and safe from themselves. Lowkey ablest to tell disabled and disturbed people not to take their LICENCED PERSONAL PROFESSIONAL'S advice just because you personally do not understand it.
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no1ryomafan · 5 days ago
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I’m still recovering from Covid and angsty thoughts are the last thing I should be thinking about but I was dawned randomly by the realization of thinking about New Ryomas trauma that he wasn’t displayed having PTSD but rather C-PTSD. The difference between them is PTSD is usually caused by one big traumatic event while C-PTSD is a constant state of regular traumatic incidents.
While New Ryoma going to the future can be see as just the big incident, the trauma he faced from the event was still ongoing as he was FORCED back into the Getter, and prior he also had to deal with some stuff that while he didn’t express arguably traumatized him. (I. E. The deaths of Tatsuhito and Raiko)
But also while I may be wrong on this and someone is free to correct me as I understand PTSD but don’t know everything, the fact he was QUICK to fall into flashbacks is already seems more of a sign of C-PTSD. (This scene happens in universe at least a day after he went to the future, but also he constantly has flashbacks after this just not as extreme)
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I think back when then the intention was likely just he has PTSD because I don’t know how recent the term C-PTSD is but overall: New as a whole makes me mentally fucking ill every time I fucking remember they VISUALLY SHOWED US he has PTSD of some kind and then rob him of a happy ending im gonna go cry now.
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citrine-elephant · 1 year ago
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stressed the fuck out nonverbal dilf leon: what is your opinion?
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definitelynotnia · 1 year ago
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i was on video call with my boyfriend and he was doing some project work idk and i was watching hunger games and RUE DIED and i was distraught and going through like 8 different emotions and turns out this whole time he had been watching me go through the stages of grief and he SHOWED HIS MOTHER 😭😭😭 and when i realised whats going on i was obviously embarrassed as hell like bro?? some warning would be nice???
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mydr3aminvi0let · 8 months ago
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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better#so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how#as a woman#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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pwurrz · 1 year ago
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every day i fight for my life on twitter as stupid people who would fail even the simplest media literacy test slander and bastardize childe’s character
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noroi-amaraciune · 1 month ago
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Also funny bro yesterday told me I'm a bit fucked up (very pitiful) convo was like
R: ok let's get this straight you fuck weird people randomly but you can't let your friends hug you
Me: lol yeah sex is meaningless
R: man. That's kinda.. fucked up.. I'm sorry
Me: why be sorry I know I'm fucky, my diagnoses are like pokémon
R: dude. That's a lot to work on... You fr need a Platonic hug
Me: ew scary
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swallowed-by-the-moon · 3 months ago
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was screaming that I'M FUCKING SORRY in my head when I remembered my ex friend, then I checked their posts and I'M NOT FUCKING SORRY I ACTUALLY REMEMBERED WHY I LEFT YOU!!
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throwaway-yandere · 2 years ago
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*SOBS* Listen– i tRIED MAKING A RENPY OTOME GAME SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE BUT CODING AND BEING ORGANIZED IN GENERAL IS NOT MY PASSION HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH–
This au is something Phitre & Estella and I have been brainrotting for like a year. It's 2 otome games and 1 isekai villainess manhwa and man idk if I can cover all the lore and worldbuilding lol
Crown Prince Zhongli is the poster boy (the true route) in the second game. Although it's called a "Holy Kingdom", most of the nobles are incredibly corrupt, masking their misdeeds with false and half-hearted worship. Story starts when the crown prince himself appoints the MC as the kingdom's new saintess and he proclaims that they have "divine attributes". It's implied that despite MC being a pauper, Zhongli had known them for quite a long time.
Conflict starts when the MC found out there's a plot to revive an old geo dragon to destroy the kingdom.
Sadly, the MC is only a fake saintess, and the crown prince knows that very well.
If I remember correctly, the planned love interests for the second game were:
Street Performer Arataki Itto: A powerful mage who doesn't realize he's actually the strongest magic user in the country because he's too busy trying to win onikabuto matches against children. Literally doesn't know he's the master of the magic tower. Even more powerful than Chief Alchemist Albedo (who can turn into a fricking dragon.) Recommended first route to play, has the least spoilers. The genki otome LI archetype (like Impey Barbicane from Code:Realize).
Retainer Thoma: returning character from the first game. Since the MC in the second game is a saintess, Thoma often helps them out as a representative of the Kamisato Clan. Route is focused on trying to stop assassination attempts against the saintess. Probably the only green flag in this ironically divinity-forsaken "holy" kingdom.
??? Kaedehara Kazuha: Calmest love interest in the game. You first see him having long hair that reaches his hips. He's introduced as a consort's royal assistant at first but after a few scenes you'd find out that he's become a wanted man for reasons you've yet to find out. Next time you cross paths with him again, you'll see him in his iconic short yet tied up hair. I'm not gonna talk about this further lol.
Ex-imperial soldier Kunikuzushi: Kinda like the Albedo of the sequel since he's last route to play before you can unlock Zhongli's like how Albedo is before Dain's. Can't say more but it's obvious that he's sus lmao. Also, yes, he did appear in the first game but only as a regular who likes to order tea on the restaurant Diluc's darling works at. I definitely cannot elaborate more about him lol.
Free DLC Route Childe: Released a few days after the game got ported on steam. Same old character, but since the sequel runs on the ending that Lumine ends up with Dain, Childe loses his "yandere" archetype and becomes a lot more laid back. If in the first game he's trying so hard not to get friendzoned, in this one he's the one friendzoning the MC because he's in denial that someone actually loves him back for once. I'm not sure if people noticed, but Aether's last words were referring to Childe, which means he's always been self-aware that he's just a video game character. His yandere tendencies occurs out of overprotectiveness. Lumine already died before Aether rewrote everything. He can't let his friend die again.
Crown Prince Zhongli: For possible otome game au fics, I cannot disclose this one the most comrades. Just know that you have many people against you once you reach his route.
The villainess isekai manhwa happens in the Empire... And the empire has it's fair share of troubles that are 50% comedic, 50% angsty af. The isekaid MC suddenly woke up and was forced to rule an aggressive empire with Xiao as their vassal. (He wished he retired like his brother Alatus.)
Worldbuilding was probably what made this whole au fun for me lol, alas, not everything can fit in a single fic lol
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I Got Reincarnated As A Server NPC In An Otome Game But A Capture Target Won’t Leave Me Alone (Yandere!Diluc Ragnvindr/Reader)
a/n: fasghadsa this is my thank-you fic for @poptartsthings for supporting my fics for the past year!!! thank you for the tips huhuhuhu ;;;—;;; hence, I wrote this diluc fic for *clears throat* "mommy milkers". Enjoy this self-aware yandere otome game!duke diluc ragnvindr!!!
unreliable synopsis: what if you got isekai-d in your favorite otome game and one of the Love Interests found out they aren’t a real person? (or, ya know, whatever the title said lmao)
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"Bottoms up, Duke Ragnvindr!"
"No matter how enthusiastic you are, I remain inclined to think that this is a horrible idea, (Y/n)..."
Reluctantly swirling a small amount of fire-water while wearing gloves, the duke saw how the alcohol hardly made a wave. Unsatisfied, he diverted his attention and observed the NPC pour their drink.
"In all honesty, your grape juice is worth more than this, (Y/n)–"
"Shush!" With a flamboyant and dismissive wave, the generic common mob silenced one of the Main Characters. "Don't ruin the mood, now. I had to pull a few strings to get this bad boy right here. It’s such a shame that Mister “Best Boy” Albedo can't come, so we have to make sure I get my money’s worth off of these bottles. It’d be such a waste of francs."
"Wasted like the thousand francs wine you clumsily spilled last year?"
"Don't bring that up again, please."
"Why not?" He chuckled. "If you hadn't, I wouldn't have met you."
"If I hadn't, I would've been drinking with Villager B..." They muttered as they grabbed another glass from the cupboard.
He pretended not to have heard it.
They are both aware that their destinies follow different paths. No matter how hard one of them tries to walk next to the other, this cruel fate will separate them with a penalty that is even more agonizing than the last. All because (Y/n) was a real person, and Diluc was not.
Duke Diluc Ragnvindr is this game’s easiest route: the typical childhood friend who falls for the heroine– Princess Lumine– first. In this genre, he falls into the category of those love interests who are incredibly austere with themselves that they were unable to enjoy the small things in life outside work. Ultimately, he follows the cliche of protecting the heroine from harm until she remembers that they used to play together as children in the palace gardens. Which, in itself, is quite a feat since the duke was not a man many could befriend. Unless you count Chief Justice Ajax as his greatest comrade, then perhaps he could finally add item number 11 to his list of trusted people.
The “Duke of the South” only favored audiences for those he was willing to invest in— after all, he’s famously known for having a “good signature.” It may seem like a compliment for uneducated nouveau rich men, but those with an eye for Gaciean politics knew how much power he has as the head of the Department of Military Affairs. Tales about his on-and-off disputes with the Chief Ajax circled as frequently as Teyvat Time’s popular Paimon-The-Friendly-Fae’s comic strips. Some loved his obsession with national security whilst some were quick to call him a pampered weapon hoarder, but if there’s one thing everyone can agree it’s that they fear the southern duke.
Now, after introducing a political figure with crimson locks of hair and domineering combat prowess, it’s certainly a tough sell to introduce the last person left inside: (Y/n) (L/n).
Unremarkably, they’re merely an NPC from Xiangling’s Seaside Restaurant. They’ve “reincarnated” into this world fumbling about like a newborn until the chef offered a job. Fortunately, they were not completely helpless in the kitchen. They had shown off their managerial skills from their old job since day one. Since then, Xiangling had hoped to train them as the new manager, but (Y/n) preferred to take on some responsibilities gradually. After a few days had passed, they abruptly realized that they were "Server C," an NPC with only a character sprite and a scarcely distinguishable name. The red ribbon-theme outfit from their restaurant was the only thing that distinguished them from the other faceless workers. According to what they can recall, one of their tasks is to give the princess's order of candies while she flees from her overprotective retainer, Dainsleif. It was a tense moment in that common route since all three of the princess’ potential suitors were customers from different ends of the restaurant, which were Dainsleif, Kamisato Ayato, and, of course, Duke Ragnvindr.
… Unable to snap out of their initial shock after recognizing that this was one of the game’s CGs and seeing three attractive men inside the restaurant they work at, (Y/n) accidentally broke the script by spilling the wine on Duke Ragnvindr’s coat.
Since then, (Y/n) had trailed and followed the characters whenever they could for their amusement– often helping their favorite love interest, Albedo, set up the scene so they can view his "CGs" in real life. Due to their apparent lack of stalking skills, they had another off-script encounter with the duke whilst doing so. Instead of heading straight to North Gaciea as he had done in the game, he was delayed seven hours after he weeded (Y/n)’s hair out of the bushes they were hiding in. Their first meeting was horrid, and their second almost went in a similar direction. Almost.
Since (Y/n)’s lies were as visible as their head peeking out of their hiding spot, Diluc had them drink a truth potion to uncover why they were stalking the chief alchemist, however…
… Does the phrase “the truth is stranger than fiction” apply in this case when both the earth and the sky are nothing but lies?
Diluc put on a convincing poker face when they babbled about the game they live in, demonstrating both their objectives and, more critically, their in-game omniscience. Albedo is the only love interest who changes into a feral (and subjectively "hot") monster toward the end of the novel, thus (Y/n) was adamant that he be Princess Lumine's ultimate endgame—but going any further in their explanations would be deemed a "spoiler." Additionally, Albedo’s route could only be unlocked once you finished another character’s route first… and that character happened to be Diluc Ragnvindr himself.
———
“In layman’s terms… We are living in a complex romance novel-esque system, correct? And I am the ‘book’ people often recommend to start the series with first before moving on to the sequel?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“… and I am just a stepping stone for a happier ending? A pawn? A mere puppet for someone chasing a momentary cure for loneliness?”
“Well, it felt real to me when I played your route—”
“Perhaps, but feelings do not change what is real and what isn’t.” Diluc sighed, unsheathing his dagger to break off the ropes that held the server down.
(Y/n) traced their wrists, appreciating now how gentle he had been when he could’ve gone rougher.
“Diluc…”
He bit his lip. It pained him to hear the server call his name as if they knew him.
They spoke as if they were friends the whole time right after they just revealed that his life is a self-fulfilled prophecy of unrequited romance.
And it was insulting.
———
The two have come a long way since then. He lost his faux feelings for Lumine. After gaining self-awareness, Diluc had begun avoiding what occurs in the game’s plot under the NPC’s guidance. To improve Lumine's chances of acquiring Albedo's route, (Y/n) was more than happy to assist him, so they started exchanging chats that ranged from oblique threats to routine discussions only friends could have.
Even so, (Y/n)’s attempts were futile when Albedo revealed to both of them that he knew he’s also just a character since the day he was “created”, and that “I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped attempting to produce an inorganic chemistry between the protagonist and me.”
…The chief alchemist was a smart one for sure and his confrontation had sobered (Y/n) fully. Although Albedo will never be the princess’ endgame nor will he turn into an apocalyptic dragon, (Y/n) had earned his friendship and started treating the rest of the cast as people and not just characters.
Diluc gazed out the window.
It was late into the night and rain was falling. There was not a single domestic sound emanating from nearby homes, which was a wise choice since annoying harpies would have gathered at the sound of human noises. Birds accosted the drying trees and roofs as fog swept through the streets. With the exception of this seaside restaurant, most stores were noticeably closed. The downpour buried the sound of crashing waves just a few meters outside, so no one would have known that this was close to the beach.
"Huh," (Y/n) stared in the same direction. "Didn’t expect it to rain tonight. Guess you can't escape this cheap alcohol-tasting session, huh?"
In the course of his outdoor nightly training, the head of the Department of Military Affairs grew incredibly resilient against mere storms. "I don’t need an umbrella."
"Fair," they laughed, distinctly human compared to the usual polite chuckles he would hear from leeching nobles. "But oh, dear Duke, if you don't need an umbrella then why are you still here? Is it because you wanted to see me– w-wait hold on—I'm kidding— sit down!"
They reached for his arm, but try as they might—
their hand only passed through.
The two stiffened.
Diluc’s breath hitched.
That was proof.
Because of this scripted fate, a commoner like them can't even grasp his hand, let alone touch it. Not when the system outright denies the friendship they have.
An NPC like (Y/n) can’t remain friends with a main character like Diluc once they have fulfilled their role in their story.
Diluc was untouchable.
He closed his eyes. Just acknowledging this pains him.
They both sat back down.
Much like how Diluc had pretended not to hear their comment earlier, (Y/n) also pretended that nothing unreal occurred seconds ago.
"S... So, is there anything else you want with that?" They pointed at his glass. "We have a crap ton of limes and cranberry juice! Oh, but I'm not sure if it would taste that good if we mix it, haha."
He could practically hear them force that laughter right out of their throat. Diluc hurriedly swallowed the fire-water they offered him since neither could stand the awkward tension. Diluc cringed.
"Oh, sorry, was it too strong?" Many nobles who detained the duke with platitudes were met with sarcastic comments, but he never hated (Y/n)’s idea of small talk.
"It's fine." He spoke huskily.
"Does it need lime or any add ons–"
"It's fine."
"... Okay."
The silence was painfully awkward... Perhaps Diluc shouldn't have threatened Albedo to sit this one out. He wanted an opportunity to be alone with (Y/n), and this is far from what he had hoped would turn out. Diluc's forehead creased as he held back what could've been a long somber sigh.
"How's work?" He asked.
"Oh, it's been alright."
That doesn't sound promising. This was a trick up his sleeves to snap them back to a cheery mood. Usually, they’d start rambling about their regulars and watch how endearingly entertaining they are. There should’ve been a quip about Itto’s TCG losing streak or how Kunikuzushi and Kazuha were arguing again over where they should place their tent for their next travels. This time, (Y/n) barely uttered a phrase.
They continued, "I don't suppose I could ask you the same, given that most of your work is confidential–"
"The Holy Kingdom’s crown prince visited North Gaciea today."
"Oh?"
Finally, he could see them smile for just a bit. Of course, they’d be interested to hear about Zhongli since he was the poster boy for the game’s sequel. Fortunately for Diluc, (Y/n) never got to play the game.
"That's wonderful! I was waiting for an English Localization of the sequel for soooo long! Was he hot? I bet he’s gorgeous as fu–"
"No."
"No...?"
"I mean." Diluc cleared his throat. It's barely even a shot of fire-water and he's already getting impulsive. "I meant that I cannot discuss the matter further. I am not like Kaeya. This is confidential, like what you had said."
"Ah..." Their eyebrows furrowed "I see…"
Why did they sound so disappointed?
Is (Y/n)… bored of him?
Diluc digressed, "how's Dainsleif?"
"Dain?" Their nose scrunched. "I haven't seen that poor guy for weeks now. He’s probably escorting Princess Lumine to Justice Ajax’s territory like in the game. Why?"
"Kamisato Ayato?"
"Ah, he ordered a crate of Dango milk yesterday," they laughed softly. "I'm amazed at how that man is barely affected by the script. I mean, I guess that’s to be expected when your route can only be unlocked by choosing three unsuspecting dialogue options. I don't think he talked to the protagonist at all these past two years. You’d think Lumine would’ve raised her wits stat high enough to attract his attention, but alas, Lord Ayato’s still lounging around East Gaciea doing Venti-knows-what."
He wasn’t paying attention to their ramblings. All their names sound bitter in Diluc's mouth. Unlike Albedo and Diluc, the rest of the Love Interests are free to interact with them as an extra. Server C had also performed their last scripted interaction with them, hence, (Y/n) can never touch Albedo and Diluc again.
Retainer Dainsleif of the West, Lord Kamisato Ayato of the East, Chief Justice “Childe” Ajax of the North, Chief Alchemist Albedo of Who-Knows-Where, and Duke Diluc Ragnvindr of the South… Princess Lumine certainly had fine options.
The Duke just wished the otome game scriptwriters would’ve let him have his own choice in the matter as well.
(Y/n) rested their elbows down on the table as they gazed into Diluc's distant eyes.
"Why did you ask?"
Diluc frowned, He admits it— (Y/n)’s eyes are nothing to write home about. When compared to an ephemeral beauty like Princess Lumine, their ordinary (e/c) eyes and visage hardly qualify as "distinctive traits." Their vibrant red ribbon is the only thing separating them from the street's grey residents. Yet he can still tell it's them through and through, no matter how big the crowd is. No matter how much they look like an “NPC”, to him at least it was a face worth seeing. Even if they mesh into a blob of slime, he can sense their essence through and through.
Although he can now barely make out the features on their face, nothing on this false earth can convince him that he wasn’t talking to the love of his life.
"I..." Diluc loosened his collar, suddenly growing hot at the intensity of their stare. "I simply wished to learn how the two other Love Interests are doing. I’ve had a chat with Ajax, and he still acts like a quote-on-quote “yandere” as you had explained before."
“Is that all?”
Diluc nodded.
"Ah," They shrugged. "Got my hopes up there– I thought there are other “Wasureta: No More” CGs I haven't seen yet."
Diluc smiled and took a drink.
"Ahh..." He exhaled, his eyelids fluttering shut in the process.
"You okay there pal?" They asked. "I know I said we shouldn't let any of this go to waste but you know I can just store them back home right? Oh, you can have some too but I don't think you'd like so–"
"I'll take a bottle."
(Y/n)’s eyes widened.
"Y-You..." They stuttered, "You sure?"
"Yeah," Diluc mumbled, lying to himself. "It tastes okay."
They grinned. The sight makes his decision all the more worth it.
"Haha, great!" They fist-bumped the air "See? Told ya cheap fire-water tastes good!"
Don’t get him wrong, he's not taking one home because of its taste. He's taking one home because it might be the last memento he'll have of (Y/n).
"Hold on, let me get a ribbon." They opened their palms to stop him from leaving. "Can't give the great Duke of the South something that looks barely presentable now would I?"
They left him with a skip in their steps. Diluc smiled.
Now that he's left alone, he silently wondered:
Just how long can he last before he tells the NPC that he wants to ruin their friendship?
———
———
Along with the sounds of gutted flesh reverberating through the tunnel's dark passageways, a man's hysterical laughter echoed. It was mostly silence in the caves, and there is a strong sense of loneliness upon entering the vicinity. Humans and animals alike would feel as though there is no life inside those walls, but the joyous yet hollow laughter came from the end of the tunnel.
And on the other side, you'll find a red-haired man at his wit's end.
"Tell me..." His words dragged out in a low growl as he grabbed a fistful of the bloody and tattered blonde's greasy hair. The man whimpered from his touch. "Was it fun? Laughing at my misery this entire time? Were you laughing along with them? Lumine, Dainsleif, and all the rest?! Did I put up quite the show there?!"
Crown Prince Aether trembled.
Duke Ragnvindr had everything figured out.
———
“There’s one regret I have now that I’ve isekai-d in this game.”
“What was it?”
“It’s just that,” (Y/n) sighed. “I never really got this game to a 100% completion.”
Diluc raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by their obsession with Wasureta, “and why is that important?”
“Hey! It’s pretty damn important!” (Y/n) grumbled. "Tsk, if only I finished your bad endings… The guides say once you do that, you’ll be able to unlock a secret route.”
“A secret route?”
“Yeah,” they shrugged.
“I’ve read some spoilers from Otomekitten's blog and get this— the last route reveals where Lumine’s brother had been hiding all this time.”
———
The nerves on the back of Diluc's palms were more noticeable as he pulled the poor man closer. Simply put, their faces did not resemble what mankind should look like; rather, they were an animalistic representation of a predator and prey. Hitherto it had disturbed Prince Aether in his rests, but it was too late when he finally acknowledged that something unhinged lay dormant inside the duke.
"P-please..." He coughed. Blood started drooling down the edge of his lips. He assumes that a few of his teeth are likely knocked in, and he can feel his canines prodding inside his throat. "H-have merc–"
With alarming ease, Diluc threw him in the direction of the shelves. The blonde fell and gasped violently when the splintered wood struck his shoulder. The gaping wound on his hips gushed out once more, bleeding onto his carpet and scattered notes. The duke was a monster. He intentionally missed striking his vital organs to prolong his suffering. More blood gushed from his mouth and the prince noisily wheezed out wet coughs.
His Highness has (Y/n) to blame for the hints they gave the duke.
If they hadn't had that conversation, Diluc wouldn’t have figured out that Aether created this “game” world out of grief for his dead sister.
———
“I’ve been alive here for a year or so but I can’t get used to how the harpies in this world look so tame.”
“Hmm? What else were you expecting?”
“Nothing much, it’s just that they look so different in the game’s beta.”
They shrugged. “Fun fact: did you know that “Wasureta: No More” was a fantasy-horror game before the scriptwriters decided to rewrite everything?”
———
"Tsk." Diluc spat and wiped his mouth with his last dirty palm as if there was a major difference. Both are equally soiled with oil and Aether’s blood; it wouldn’t have mattered.
The duke snarled aloud into a burst of savage laughter, "what's wrong, My Creator? Can't even muster up the courage to face your retribution?"
"F-Friend..." Aether called out, hoping to garner sympathy for the Diluc who once looked after both him and his sister at the royal gardens. Hoping to remind him that he was placed number 1 on the list of people the head of Military Affairs had trusted.
"Don't call me that," Diluc's grip on his claymore grew tighter until his knuckles paled.
"Du-Duke..." The blonde looked up. "I can't just... Rewrite this story again..."
"You can," Diluc spoke in a somewhat broken voice. His sanity may be waning, but he cannot deny that Aether was included in the list of the people the duke trusted. "We’re just characters you’ve written. You've done that before. You've done that to Lumine."
"And I r-regretted it!" He sputtered out, accidentally stronger than intended. The blonde scurried to lean against the wall as he feared Diluc would attack him for his offensive tone. "I regretted it. I thought I could revive my sister... I thought that would bring Lumine back into this new world. I thought it would bring her happiness if– if I gave her m-more options–"
"Forced options," Diluc grumbled, rightfully angry at the blonde's interferences. Based on his inference, three of the five suitors wouldn't have been whisked away by Lumine's whims if it weren't for her brother’s influence. And judging by his pained reaction, Diluc would be right.
"But she’s not my real sister.” Aether sobbed. “She never will be— she’s just an image I had of her. And I-I still ended up making this false Lumine more miserable."
"No shit." Diluc snickered with narrow eyes. "You made her miserable—"
The duke just wished he knew where Aether was from the very beginning. He would've had Prince Aether's head before this whole damn game even started.
"And you made me so fucking miserable, Crown Prince," Diluc muttered. 
“I just wanted to be with (Y/n).” He breathed in shakily, “is that so much to ask for?”
"P-Please, listen to me." Aether wept. "Ch-Changing someone's fate brings more harm than good!"
THUD.
Aether shook as a claymore thrust through the concrete just a hair beside his ear. He gulped under the towering gaze of those piercing red eyes. They glowered over him, and they were far from pleased. Aether was too terrified to look away as he saw how Diluc's eyes spiraled into the abyss. The air was thick with heat emanating from Diluc’s pyro-abilities. The sound of the metal rang in the prince’s ears like a warning, thus, the strength in his shoulders weakened and his muscles have gone mushed as he cowered down.
Changing fate brings more harm than good? What a joke. By the looks of it, letting fate run its course only puts the prince in greater turmoil.
Maybe Diluc should offer his head to Her Highness. It doesn't matter whether he lived or died, does it not? If she's so desperate to find the missing prince again, it wouldn't even matter what state his casket is in.
"Di–"
Aether couldn’t breathe.
"Don't struggle."
Diluc effortlessly slid the prince's entire body up the wall after grabbing his throat. Aether's feet curled up as he struggled to steal a breath. He tried to kick and claw Diluc's arms away, but the man stood his ground. Ruby eyes continued to pursue him with an icy rage that Aether was all too familiar with.
The fact that they both placed a lot of faith in one another was a mistake.
Aether's eyes started to tear up involuntarily. Diluc spoke those words as if they weren't threatening remarks, but a merciful command. Yet it doesn't change the fact that he intended to assassinate the prince with his bare hands. Aether began balling up his fists and striking him, but it was ineffective.
"..."
Diluc coldly watched his stomach bleed out like a student dissecting a frog.
Aether's vision clouded. As he flailed his limbs like a wild animal, dark blotches started to appear in his line of sight. His fingers are unwittingly clawing at everything as the adrenaline starts to kick in. Aether never wished to harm a soul, but at that moment he was aiming for Diluc's eyes.
His survival instincts kicked in.
He can't die.
Not like this.
"Si–..."
Lumine. Sister.
Aether needed to apologize to his sister.
He still hoped to say sorry— sorry for leaving her to run a kingdom alone— sorry for not being able to save her in the original timeline— 
sorry for resetting and rewriting the game just to see her alive and happy again.
Aether had so much unfinished business piled up. So many discoveries he has yet to pen down. He can't die here. He mustn’t.
He grabbed something. A fleeting crimson near his assailant's collarbone.
Was it Diluc's hair?
He pulled harder. All his strength was wasted on that sliver of red hope. Anything that would get his assailant to stop.
And Diluc did. His grip on Aether's throat loosened as the prince fell back on the floor. Aether wheezed, his vision slowly returning to him. His bated breathing echoed inside the room as his eyesight returned to him. When the prince's eyes finally focused sharply, he saw silk.
This wasn't Diluc's hair, it was–
"(Y/n)’s ribbon."
Diluc used the very same ribbon (Y/n) to decorate a bottle of fire-water with to tie up his hair.
Aether shivered.
"It seems like you wanted to choose your death."
Oh fuck, oh fuck.
Aether looked up. He shouldn't have looked up.
Duke Diluc Ragnvindr's face was red with a grin uncannily reaching his ears to a degree that shouldn't be possible. His expression was akin to a lovesick young adult twisted to its extremities. He appeared to look excited. To think that he burns up by just a mention of this person’s name makes Aether sick to his stomach.
"Allow me to heed your last wish, Your Highness."
The prince felt his whole body tense up as Diluc wrapped the ribbon around his neck.
Diluc did not give him any more room to breathe as if his body was moving automatically.
This wasn’t Diluc Ragnvindr anymore.
His eyes were empty. 
This was a man possessed.
"Ch...de..." Aether forced out his last words as the ribbon quickly wrung around him.
"S..ve... my... s....ter"
———
———
Diluc only pulled out of his trance after he started washing the blood off his hands. Elzer subsequently informed him that the duke had entered the manor bloodied and unkempt with no recollection of how he got there and that he had strolled carelessly to the restroom like a corpse. There was a commotion across the entire Ragnvindr manor and rumors that he had lost an unpleasant duel quickly circulated. Better that than the truth, he supposed. Even his memory of what transpired in Aether's basement is hazy. Diluc only had their red ribbon and the idea of winning in his mind. He refused to let things continue as they are.
It wasn't until he started drying himself with a towel that he realized that the crown prince perished by his hands.
To think that Diluc used to be so terrified of offending royalties– of accidentally slipping a lese-majeste out of his lips– but now he let a royal's soul slip out of his wrists.
It's invigorating.
Diluc not only tied his fate with theirs, but he successfully managed to cut their ties with those disgusting vermin they call their “regulars.” They can't have them anymore, and they won't even intend to reach out. No one remembers who Server C is. They are now alone together with him. He’s the only person they can depend on. Diluc's breathing heaved lower. Just thinking about their inevitable dependence excites him.
He quietly closed the door behind him.
"Good evening, Server C." He smiled. "Or, should I say, my beloved?"
Just the two of them.
They won't look at anyone else. They can't. The whole world will now feel what he felt when he was unable to touch (Y/n). Only HE has the privilege to hold them now.
It's just the two of them in this world left. After all, there is no statute of limitations once you learn how to play Creator.
Diluc Ragnvindr had successfully rewritten this game’s script.
He no longer carries any in-game responsibilities, much like how there is no Lord Kamisato, Justice Ajax, Retainer Dainsleif, and Chief Albedo that exists in this “script.rpy” file.
It’s just him and his beloved server, alone.
Diluc wiped his mouth. He's practically dro– no, his mouth is literally watering at the thought. Diluc's heart is pounding, almost threatening to break free from his ribs.
"I’m all you have now, (Y/n)." Diluc's gaze softens. "Isn't that wonderful?"
His hands reluctantly traveled under their blanket where their hands should be, scared that when he reaches out, he'll feel nothing there.
He felt their warmth.
Diluc grinned tearfully. He can finally touch them again. He felt their fingers crossed miraculously against his own.
"You’re so warm..."
He gently rubbed their calloused hand against his cheek.
No matter how overworked or ragged these hands were from washing the dishes, for him, they were silk to touch. So soft. So vulnerable.
Diluc swallowed his saliva with great difficulty. God. They’re so vulnerable right now. So peaceful. So fragile. His breathing increased in volume. He could just take them right here–
His bottom lip started to bleed. He was doing everything in his power not to cave in but his throat was starting to get parched. He breathed in deeply.
Not now. Please, not right now. Not when they probably don’t remember who he is.
Diluc wanted to see the look on their face as he finally kisses them. What expressions will they make? It's not fair to both of them to steal such a moment when they’re asleep. That's not what he had been waiting for. Not what he's been craving.
"My beloved, you're a beauty from afar, but you're even more flawless in my arms," Diluc muttered over their ear.
"And I'll do everything in my power to let it stay that way. Fate and the entire world be damned."
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mrfoox · 7 months ago
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Supring how much better I feel after sobbing my eyes out infront of the guy in question that has caused anxiety
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tiredf-o-u-r · 8 months ago
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This is bad I’m feeling some real Blogger Shame like I feel like the topic whiplash on all the posts from the last ten minutes is lethal but
did I ever chronicle here about when I met my teacher crush’s spouse for the first time and she was a similar height as me, as well as the same eye shape, hair color, and name sound as me. And now we’re both non-binary andys.
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