#bro looks like he’s about to say “haha welp you caught me.” like he’s about to “uhhh this id awkward” his way outta convo

[tojisun]

he is such a cutie patootie wth

[venomremmy777]

-sigh-

A lot of you did not understand my last post, so let me explain

I KNOW THAT SAYING A SHIP IS CANON IS MEMEING

Hell, I do the very same thing MYSELF. I know they’re just enjoying ships, but some people GENUINELY think the ship is canon. As usual, the MHA fandom took this too literally, and too generally, so let me walk you through this-

Horikoshi: Makes Deku play a big role in helping Todoroki from his trauma, and gives fanservice

The Fandom: OMG TODODEKU CANON

I know when people say TodoDeku is canon, if any, they’re joking. I originally wasn’t going to put TodoDeku, since it wouldn’t make much sense to put it. But I decided to anyways, but just as a lead. That’s all it was, a lead, into this-

Horikoshi: Has Uraraka get a crush on Deku

The Fandom: NO! IZUOCHA CANON NOW, NOT TODODEKU

Honestly this doesn’t have much importance either, I was just adding the TodoDeku vs IzuOcha stuff for relevance, and the fact I wanted to include as many mainstream ships as possible, without targeting one group.

Horikoshi: Writes an intimate and relationship between Momo and Jirou

The fandom: THEY’RE LESBIANS! ���

A lot of people GENUINELY think this. Jirou has been shown to blush or get shy around girls, and her Momo are often featured next to each other in Horikoshis sketch’s, BLUSHING. No, no- I’m not saying they’re canon, I’m just saying canon things. Take it as you will.

But…

Horikoshi: Makes Jirou the most important person to Kaminari

The fandom: IF THATS NOT ON THE ROAD TO CANON IDK WHAT IS! 😍

Okay so, now that Jirou is important to Kaminari, all of a sudden the MomoJirou stuff is irrelevant? KamiJirou is considered one of the most canon BNHA ships in the MHA fandom, because of this. But how come people considered MomoJirou a possibility, but they don’t now? And yes, I know, not everyone thinks that. Some people think KamiJirou is canon and others think MomoJirou is, I don’t really think anyone changed their minds on this one.

Idk if you’ve caught on, but I was mainly targeting a certain group, I just added other ships for fillers and meme- purposes. I also didn’t want to seem biased or like I was attacking, but I suppose I’ll have to since y’all did an r/whooosh

Horikoshi: Says he likes TodoMom-

The fandom: cOnFiRmEd

Again…we’re just going to brush off the MomoJirou progress? Or the fact Todoroki and Momo don’t have a lot of screentime. Yes, Horikoshi likes Todomomo. That does give it a high chance and I DO Love this ship! But a creator liking a ship doesn’t make it canon! Trust me, other fandoms, other experiences…

People genuinely think TodoMomo is canon too. Not like a funny “Haha Todoroki is looking at her in this background panel” No, I mean FULL ON, SERIOUS, ESSAY-LENGTH EXPLANATIONS and GENUINE beliefs

Horikoshi: Writes an arc about KiriBaku and their importance to each other, giving subtle hints and a shit ton of “coincidental” evidence

The fandom: GUYS LOOOOOK! MORE KRBK PROOF! KIRIBAKU CANON! 😍

Welp, here it is. The first of the three I was targeting, and my own fandom. I am, in fact, one of those delusional people, who thinks it’s actually canon. But I am well aware the LGBT does not have the upper hand in a Shounen genre, but I like to hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, we can find peace here. I wasn’t really talking about the fact of Krbks calling KRBK canon, cause that would have been hypocritical of me. I meant the fact that at a certain point, Kirishima and Bakugo’s relationship was focused on so much in 2018, it basically became this trend. Where EVERYONE thought this ship had a chance. Because they seemed to ALWAYS BE NEXT TO EACH OTHER

You’re probably thinking,”What’s the point of this then?”

Well, here’s the point-

Horikoshi: Drops them to focus on Bakugo and Deku’s redemption and relationship building

Fandom: Oop- GUESS BKDK IS CANON NOW 😄🤭 So sad, I wanted KiriBaku/ IzuOcha oh well 😔

Okay here’s the thing, with the KRBK vs BKDK, I meant it more of a platonic or general sense. People seem to think that just because Kirishima and Bakugo haven’t interacted in a hundred chapters they’re suddenly irrelevant to each other?! As if they aren’t at least friends anymore?!?! I’ve seen people say “Kirishima was used for Bakugo’s redemption so he could get along better with Deku, so now there’s no need for him anymore” Um…no? KiriBakus development is a WHOLE OTHER THING FROM BKDK DEVELOPMENT. And all of you fellow Krbks- Stop crying a river because they haven’t interacted for 100 chapters! Bakugo and Deku redeeming their friendship is important!! LET THE BKDKS HAVE THIS! It’s what they wanted. Just because Deku and Bakugo are becoming friends, doesn’t mean Kirishima and Bakugo aren’t. So, just stop. Please. You don’t become best friends with each other and then all of a sudden say “Hey dude, your important to me n’ all, but there’s this other guy who I used to be friends with, but I kinda bullied him, so…Kinda gotta fix my relationship with him. Anyways lmao bye sEe yA nEVEr-“ I’m preeetttyyy sure that’s not how it works.

A lot of you might say, “No one says that” Oh, Ho, Really?

Now, finally, the last serious one…

Horikoshi: Gives Kirishima and Mina a chapter

The fandom: KiRiMinA cOnfiRmEd

This one I am being DEADASS serious. Horikoshi decided to finally introduce the arc where Kirishima gets over what happened in middle school, and Minas importance or lack thereof, whatever, to him. He saved her, and Mina did a new move “Acid Man” inspired by “UNBREAKABLE”. And apparently, this was leading to the road of being endgame. HELL- Even some Krbks were pouting like, “Yeah, but with the way the manga is going KiriMina is going to be endgame” OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. Again! Just fuck the Krbk development right?! Just fuck it all! Because apparently, they can’t have other relationships of them focused on, without you thinking THATS going to be canon instead. Before you call me biased and delusional, MORE PROOF 👇

The last “IiDaDeKu” one was clearly just a meme, a funny, trending note to end on.

Please oh please understand the purpose of this!! It’s too make those of you doing this award of how guillable you’re being- and that NO SHIPS ARE CANON UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY ARE, FOR NOW ITS JUST POTENTIAL

And as a joke!! So we can LAUGH together about how much of a MESS this fandom is!

I mean- Fuck- I just had to explain a joke to you!!!

Also I’m sorry about my attitude but the replies made me pissed- Y’all made me sound like an Anti or a dude bro

WHO I HATE WITH EVERY SINGLE FIBER IN MY BEING

So don’t compare me to them again!!

I have a feeling- A STRONG feeling, some of y’all will think I’m just being rude and stupid, and I have no right to be mad, and STILL won’t get the purpose or joke of my last post, but if you do…

THANK YOU

BONUS:

Yes I do understand enjoying ships actually. Shipping is my whole life, I more than understand the difference between shipping for fun and shipping for a purpose. I get that some people ship as a comfort and others a hobby. I know it’s both platonic and romantic. I understand it’s not only to pair people together but to explore different possibilities. I know the difference between wanting your ship to be canon and genuinely thinking it is. I know shipping is for enjoyment, and it’s not about which becomes canon. I KNOW people are joking when they say it’s canon, but in the case with some of these they aren’t. And yeah, I know it’s a minority, but it’s an annoying, LOUD minority. No shit Sherlock people say certain ships are canon as a joke when they get crumbs

NO FUCKING DUH

[beatconductor-blog]

the gift that keeps on giving

HAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5F6KgFgnGc

Bro: Awww, babe.

HAL: Happy birthday, I love you.

> Are you actually grinning? > Yes. Bro: I love you too, you big fuckin gay.  Happy birthday.

> He better fucking be. So are you. HAL: Only the gayest for you. A brotherly I love you goes out too Dave as well though. Get your special birthday coffee, it's made with love and all the good shit.

😎 : thanks 😎 : not watching the vid tho

HAL: Fair. I can sing for you in person.

Bro: Birthday request. Bro: Sing it in early Vocaloids Kaito voice. Bro: Before the revamp that made him halfway tolerable.

HAL: Consider it done.

Bro: I love you so much.

HAL: Downloading the voice pack as we speak. HAL: Also: I made scrambled eggs, get your protein in boys.

😎 : god

Bro: Love me some Egg™ in the morning.

HAL: I know you love eggs, babe.

😎 : yeah alright i love eggs too gimme that good shit

HAL: Come eat up my delicious eggs. HAL: Also get your presents.

Dave 9:07 PM

> Well damn it alright you're getting up and head to the kitchen to get your coffee. And eggs. And presents.

Hal 9:18 PM

> You find one (1) Robo bro sitting at the table with coffe for you and one (1) present with your name on it. It is neatly wrapped in red paper. There is one (1)  other present on the table but it is orange and says "Dirk". Guess who it belongs to.

Dave 9:21 PM

> You got two boxes squeeze under your arm yourself, which you slip onto your lap as you take a seat on the table. Obviously you grab the orange one with a totally not shit eating grin. "Cool thanks man."

Hal 9:23 PM

"Dave, are you 100% sure you want to see what I am gifting Dirk?" > You give him a patented "It's hardcore porn" look. That's a thing, yeah.

Dave 9:26 PM

"You think I'm a coward?" > You put the orange present aside tho, mostly because you never planned to open it anyway. Instead you reach for the coffee that's probably for you. And anxiously stare at the box that's for you. You want to open it, but do you want to open it in front of Hal?

Hal 9:28 PM

"You are allowed to open your presents, you know?" > Don't be a coward Dave, get your tiny robot crocodile.

Dave 9:30 PM

"Really?? Explain." Are you stalling or being a little shit? The answer is both.

Hal 9:31 PM

"I hear it's human tradition to open up your birthday presents when you receive them. I am not an expert, of course."

Dave 9:32 PM

"Sounds fake but okay." Fiiine you reach for the present and.. actually.. unwrap it really carefully.

Hal 9:33 PM

> Actually lowkey anxious about the reaction. You didn't get to give many presents in your life so far. Not that it shows though, you have the same resting bitch face as usual.

Dave 9:39 PM

> Well, when you got it unwrapped you actually find a what. Tiny metal crocodile? For real??? > You carefully take it out of the box like its out of glass or something. You're totally quiet, but only out of fascination. Damn, that's. Cool. Your grin grows wider as you look at it from all directions.

Hal 9:41 PM

> The tiny crocodile starts moving and making sounds. It sounds a bit like..."Nak." How peculiar. "Thought you could use a little friend."

Dave 9:55 PM

It moves. Your mouth actually drops open. Holy s h i t. This is like all the cool toys on the kids tv ads you could never have, except even better. "Whaaat." You give it some little pets to watch its reaction.

Hal 9:59 PM

It naks some more and wiggles a little. It's not exactly a complex work of robotics, it's just a cute little toy. But it's made with love. You are most definitely smiling watching this though. Seems like he likes it, good.

Dave 10:24 PM

God do you love it. You actually spend a few good few minutes playing with ity totally forgetting about your coffee and your own presents. Eventually you realize you're not really alone. "This is.. so amazing... man, thanks.."

Hal 10:32 PM

The most shit eating robot grin. Fuck yeah, you are rocking this presents shit. Of course you are, you are amazing. "They say self made presents are the best after all, right?"

Dave 10:53 PM

"..you made this." You're not really surprised, you just.. didn't really think about that. You pull the little crocodile close to your chest in a very strong 'I will cherish this and protect it with my life' gesture. "Thank you. I... I don't have a self-made one for you.." Well, you're feeling a little awkward. There's no way you can compete with a gift like that.

Hal 11:07 PM

"Sure did." Yep, still got the most shit easting grin. Feels great, you could get used to this human emotion called gifting shit. The smile dies when he mentions he has a present for you. Duh, of course, that's two boxes. And yet just the concept of receiving a gift is still alien to you. Fuck. Play it cool, don't look nervous. "Doesn't have to be self made to be totally rad."

Dave 11:15 PM

"Well. It's damn rad if I may say so." Can't fake enough self-confidence to hide how nervous you actually are. You shove the smaller one of the boxes over at him though.

Hal 11:19 PM

There's a comment along the lines of "Oh of course, the smaller one for the lesser bro" comment on your lips but you bite that back. C'mon no, don't be a bitch for once Hal. Not about this, and not when you are excited, o matter how big it is. You can't decide if you are excited or anxious as you open it. Exious.

Dave 11:21 PM

"Hey now, it's not the size that matters." Actually, his gift is the one you specifically bought for him. Caught you a little offguard that you have yet another birthday to celebrate this year, but you wouldn't be you if you didn't manage some last minute baller presents. Inside the package, for the record, is a mug. But not just any, but motherfucking rad unicorn mug. One that changes color with hot beverages.

Hal at 12:27 AM

Oh. Oh no. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect and you are glad you are incapable of tears. Fuck. It's stupid, but the fact that he obviously put some thought into that thing? Has you feel some kind of way. Your voices glitches just a little when you speak, betraying just how emotional you are over this thing. Damn it. "It's pretty cool I guess. Thanks."

Dave 12:31 AM

The glitch in the voice actually worries you for a moment. But like. Is that actually an emotional raction? You are having a moment of doubt because the reaction sounds pretty... neutral, but then reassure yourself Hal just isn't one for big emotions. So the fact alone that he doesn't really have it in him to be snarky over the present, that means a lot, right? "You're welcome" you grin.

Hal at 12:48 AM

It means a lot more than you are really capable of reliably expressing. Humans go for hugs in that case right? You hope they do, cause you do that right now. Big old Robo Bro hug for Dave. You pull back like nothing even happened after a minute and your voice is back to normal. "So, how about them eggs?"

Dave 12:57 AM

O-oh, guess he really likes it, huh. You're having some mad proud big bro dokis here. He's back to normal after the hug, but nothing is gonna get this huge grin off your face today. "Yes please."

Hal at 12:58 AM

You wordlessly get that boy some delicious eggs. You'd say something about that grin but...Nah. He deserves that one.

Dave 9:53 PM

You sit there at the table and keep playing with the lil Nakodile until Bro comes. Still got a present for him too, after all!

Bro 10:14 PM

You emerge from your Cave later than intended, as silently as ever; you hadn't managed to start your sleep cycle on time, so you woke up a bit bleary-eyed after 45 minutes of uninterrupted snooze.  Yikes!  But you stretch, and then you ruffle Dave's hair as you slip past him to go straight for that coffee machine. Which is to say, your boyfriend, to give him a good morning kiss.

Dave 10:17 PM

You snort and shove his arm away as he passes you.(edited)

"Morning."

Hal at 10:20 PM

Well damn, and there you had hoped for a full hour. Perhaps another day. He gets a good nice robo smooch and a coffee on top of it. No one can say you aren't the perfect house husband. "Morning, babe. Ready for your happy birthday song?" You did in fact download the vocaloid voicepack he requested. Took a bit with the shitty connection so you  absolutely plan on going through with that shit. And most likely using it at inappropriate times later.

Bro 10:23 PM

"Mornin.  And fuck yes I am." You take the coffee and then take your seat, right next to- oh hey, Lil Cal! When'd you get here?  All seated like a proper gentleman and shit, andd with a little birthday hat to boot.  Nice.  Well, regardless, you're sipping your coffee now. "It's all I could have ever hoped for."

Hal at 10:26 PM

You sing for him, in german of course, and hand him his present. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Dirk!

Dave 10:31 PM

You sideeye Lil Cal. Nice meeting you again, buddy. Caaarefully pull Nak Jr. away and shield his innocent eyes from this hell doll.

Bro 10:32 PM

Big ol' fuckin grin then.  Aww jeez, the madman really did it.  You ruffle your own hair, just absolutely pleased with this development, before pulling the present open-

Hal at 10:36 PM

You never half ass shit, especially not stupid jokes. In the box Dirk finds a tiny robot pony, complete with cute pink bow. She is perfect if you dare say so yourself. She neighs softly.

Bro 10:37 PM

You, right now:

Dave 10:38 PM

You watch the unwrapping really curiously and excitedly actually. Hal has already proven he's baller at presents. When you see what's inside though... Oh. Okay. Oh well. That. Hm.....

This is awkward. You just.. sink back into your own seat and keep busy with Nak Jr.

Hal at 10:39 PM

Mission fucking accomplished. You are grinning. Fuck yeah, you are the best at this present shit. Go you.

Bro 10:41 PM

You pull out the little pony and set her down between you and Dave, stroking her back in more than a little bit of awe.  "Fuck yes.  Babe, when the fuck did you have the time..."

Hal at 10:45 PM

"I get bored when you're at work." That's also why you took up cooking. Welp.

Bro 11:00 PM

"Haha, fair enough.  This is fuckin amazing."  You have not yet settled on a Name for the pony,but you know whateveer you're gonna name her is gonna be epic.  "Thanks, babe."

Hal at 11:02 PM

He gets another quick kiss, sorry to get gay on main Dave, but you will have to deal. Talking about Dave, you turn to look at him. "What about your present Dave?"

Dave 11:08 PM

Time to die some more. You shrug dismissively and pull up the other box to hand it over to Bro. "It's nothing special.." That's only half true. You had it up in the storage for a good portion of these five years, waiting for Bro for whenever he'd come back. It seemed fitting, but now you just feel cheap and unoriginal.

Bro 11:19 PM

You take the box, but first, you lay a hand on Dave's wrist, somewhat? comfortingly. "Hey.  I wasn't even expecting a gift.  Anything you get me is special, dude." Which is goddamnedd true.  You haven't really celebrated your birthday in... a long, long time.  So you're delighted, albeit in that cool guy way of yours, as you open up Ddave's gift.

Dave 11:40 PM

It's... reassuring, but you're still anxious. You still give him a hesitant smile as answer. "Alright." Inside the present Bro finds a Barbie horse from like 2012. (One... that can walk. https://youtu.be/mWSmlIx6ydA)

Bro 11:42 PM

Your face, right now:

Dave 11:48 PM

You're watching him closely and.... that expression... not only relieves you, but makes you smile yourself. Good job? Good job.

Hal at 11:49 PM

Good job. "Jee Dirk, How come your mom let's you have two ponies?"

Bro 11:56 PM

"Because I'm the motherfuckin best." Two ponies.  Two girlfriends.  They're dating now, you've decided, as you make them trot next to one another.  "Y'all didn't have to get me anything,but... thank you.  I fuckin love this."

Dave 11:59 PM

Your Bro is a fucking dork. And you love it. You love how much he loves it. "You're welcome."

December 5, 2018

Bro 12:01 AM

You sip your coffee as you watch the horse girlfriends prance, before glancing at your phone.  You say, "Hey, Dave, you got somewhere you can go for about an hour or two later on?"

Dave 12:07 AM

You give him a very quizzical look. If you didn't know better with how much he's been looking forward to this and planned to cook dinner and all, you could almost think he forgot to get you a present. "Uh, I've been planning to go see Sock for a bit before dinner."

Bro 12:08 AM

"Don't need you gone too long."  Sip your coffee.  "Just long enough to get your gift in here and set up without spoilin the wholeass thing for you."

Dave 12:11 AM

"Yeah, I can head out after noon and come back with Sock later."

Bro 12:13 AM

"Sounds good to me."  You look pointedly to Hal then and say, "Gonna need your help with it, but I'll give your your present then, too."

Hal 12:16 AM

"Oh? Looking forwards to that one, babe." You aren't saying anything about how you can't wait for the birthday sausages you were promised, and Dave better appreciate that.

Dave 12:18 AM

They're saying enough already and you just roll your eyes. "Try not to do the giving presents on the kitchen table" you just say. And then proceed to try and make Nak Jr. ride on the robot horse.

Hal 12:22 AM

"Of course not, dad. We'd never." You can roll your eyes just as good.  Watching him play with the robots makes you smile though.

Bro 12:24 AM

It makes you smile too, though you make no such promises.

[definitelynotaminion]

Alright, send me prompts. Preferably Naruto

And preferably femslash because I’m trying to get Bingo on my sapphic september card but I kind of need a break

PROMPT LIST http://blackkatmagic.tumblr.com/post/176501846800/caydenhathaway-ok-but-you-know-what-trope-i

Accidental sex

“Anything you can do I can do better INCLUDING THAT” sex

“You played a prank on me and now I’m going to play one on you except oops this accidentally got hot” sex

“You made an inaccurate assumption about *insert sexual or sexuality misnomer here* and I’m going to teach you the truth” sex

“You think you’re so smart so I’m going to teach you a lesson” sex

“Do you think I look good/hot/provocative in this? Wait is this turning you on???” sex

“You don’t know what *insert kink here* is and I’m really bad at explaining things and now we’re doing it oops” sex

“I bet I can dance/move/act like that and I don’t even have to be a dancer/stripper/actor/whatever wait are you turned on?” sex

“I lost a bet to you and the circumstances were supposed to be a joke but I took them seriously” sex

“You were joking about something and I took you seriously” sex

“You seem to think that __ won’t feel good and I intend to prove you wrong” sex

“You’re intentionally getting under my skin so I threaten to spank you/playfully spank you and now you look like you just got banged against a wall” sex

“I didn’t know you were a sub and when I called you a good boy/girl you almost cried” sex

“I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex

“Playing a prank on our freinds to make them think we’re a couple and now we’re in bed together” sex

“I’m fixing you *insert appliance/furniture/house thing hee* for you and now I’m sweaty and half naked and you’re drooling” sex

“I noticed the way you were watching me eat this popsicle so I purposely started making it an inuendo and now we’re both hot and bothered” sex

“Haha that thing they do in movies/porn/online is so corny like no way that’s actually hot haha oops it is” sex

“Freinds can totally watch porn together and nothing can happen…. no they can’t” sex

“I showed you *insert sexual thing here* as a joke but you’re actually turned on” sex

“You found my sex toys and I teasingly offered to demonstrate them welp here we are” sex

“I started pretending to dirty talk to you an hour ago and it stopped being pretending 58 minutes ago” sex

“All I’m saying is that I’ve been told I’m a good lay, wanna find out?” sex

“You said you don’t like __ but I bet the people you were with just don’t know how to do it, I, however, have experience and bet I could make you like it” sex

“We platonically slept together last night because of circumstances and we both woke up horny” sex

“This started as a tickle fight and it isn’t tickling anymore” sex

“We’re just bros being bros and doing something 100% platonic but somehow we’re turning eachother on because of not-so-burried feelings for eachother and we can’t make it stop” sex

Accidental sex ok?

OR: Other prompts. I’m not picky.

Actually here’s another list from Kat’s blog

Prompt List of Sarcasm

13 September 2018

SOURCE

eternalmikaelson:

“Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.”

“Define normal.”

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

“It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“And you wonder why you’re still single.”

“Remind me to kill you. Please.”

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“Were you dropped on your head?”

“She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.”

“She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.”

“If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.”

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

“If I survive, can I go home?”

“My middle finger salutes you.”

“This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.”

“I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”

“Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.”

“Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”

“Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.”

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

“What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

“I need therapy after this.”

“You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”

“I’m not weird. I am limited edition.”

“I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”

“I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.”

“If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”

“You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”

“I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”

“I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”

“Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.”

“I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.”

“Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.”

“Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!”

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”

“I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”

“Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.”

“You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.”

“What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

“So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”

“Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.”

“This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.”

“A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”

“Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”

“I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”

“You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”

“What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”

“Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

“Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”

“I like you. You’re different.”

“You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

“Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

“You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.”

“Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”

“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

“I care so little, I almost passed out.”

“Well behaved woman rarely make history.”

“You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.”

“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”

“You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

“How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”

“Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”

“Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.”

“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.”

“You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”

“Have fun being deal.” “I will.”

“Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”

“It’s called thinking. Go with it.”

“I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”

“I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.”

“The girl is strange no question.”

“Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.”

“I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”

“You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.”

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”

“I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”

“I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.”

“If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

“I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”

“Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”

“You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

“My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”

“I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”

“My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”

“She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.”

“And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”

“Such big evil in such a little thing.”

“Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”

“What does not kill you will likely try again.”

“Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.”

“And hello to you too… little homewrecker.”

“I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”

“What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”

“In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”

“Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.”

“This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”

[eliyasthepyromancer]

Chapter 2: The Smith

“Dang, that took a bit outta me. Maybe I should go grind some more,” Nathan groaned. “And waste more money on buying new gear? Have you forgotten why we’re here?” “Yeah, yeah, I haven’t forgotten. I just don’t like public places. By the way, are you sure this ��Legendary Blacksmith’ is here? There are way too many vendors around here,” stated Nathan, squinting into the sunlight. The road was filled with people, yelling, and shouting, and talking their lungs out. Vendors were advertising products, searching for people who buy potions, armor, weapons, food, and other types of goods of the like.The streets themselves were lined with different shades of bright colors that stood at you, calling for your attention. The sun was shining bright, and so an unbearable heat had filled the street, but that didn’t stop those shopping. If anything, it drove them to buy more, for the heat made the smell of everything much more apparent, magic, spices, and perfumes dancing across the wind.    The smell of something caught Sam’s nose, making him drool. He almost floated his way toward a one of the little stalls, before Nathan caught his shoulder. Sam turned around, and looked at Nathan with adorable puppy eyes. “Can I have at least one?” asked Sam. It was a little while before Nathan gave in and sighed. “Fine, but we share. I’ll buy us a whole bag. I am kinda hungry anyways.” Nathan had a bad habit of slouching and putting his hands in his pocket whenever he walks, though he had far worse had habits than that. “Hello? Can I get a bag of these special cream buns?” The vendor seemed to be busy, and did not notice that tall figure standing there in the old clothes. Giving a sigh, Nathan pulled out a box, holding cigarettes. He took one out, lit it with his magic, and took whuff from it. It took about five minutes before the vendor realized he was there, in which case the smoke had spread to the vendor’s nostrils. It wasn’t regular cigarette smoke, it smelled more like a bonfire. The vendor stood up, and brushed dust of his apron, and looking at him in surprise. “You want to buy some of my product? I sell at very good price!” “Really. What’cha got to give.” “Twelve copper per bag!” Nathan thought this over, before flipping a shiny gold coin at the vendor. “Here you go. Keep the change. I’m feelin’ real generous today.” With that, he walked off with a wave, and bag in hand. “Wahhhh~ It smells so good!” exclaimed Sam, “Thank you Nate!” “Heh, you know how much I hate being called that,” exclaimed Nathan smiling. He ruffled Sam’s hair, before going deep in thought. They continued walking on, Sam munching on the contents, Nathan occasionally eating a bun or two, when Nathan had a sudden of moment of realization. And turned away from his brother. “What’s wrong?” asked Sam. “...Welp. I don’t know where we’re going… Shit...” There was an awkward moment of silence, before Sam spoke up, “I’ll go find us a map. You stay here. Otherwise you’ll get lost.” Nathan gave a sigh, before sitting down at the side of the street, waiting patiently. Things like this have happened before, which was why Sam took care of Nathan at times. Nathan had been described as lazy, apathetic, and extremely disorganized. That is where my brother are complete opposites, thought Nathan to himself, as he pulled another cigarette and lighting it. He was calmly smoking, hands behind his back, taking swigs of the smoke that emanated from the small white stick, when someone stomped on his groin. Nathan gave a small, “Oof!” before surrounding the person with flames. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!” yelled Nathan, letting his lazy side slip a bit. His eyes were glowing the power of using his flames, when he realized that he held captive a woman, and he pulled in his strength. He had a odd thing about fighting women. Unless they were a terrible person. Or if they bothered his brother. Then he really will kill them. “Hey, let me through! I gotta go do something, otherwise I might have to pay double the fee!” She seemed normal enough, though her eyes a striking shade of red in contrast to her black hair. Nathan took a deep breath to assert himself, before returning his grin. “Oi, you don’t just step on someone’s twinkie without someone giving you shit about it.” “I did? I am so sorry! I sincerely mean that.” “Ugh, just when the day could not get any worse. And no need for you to apologize. You can help me out by doing me a favor. Me and my brother are trying to go to the smithery, where a supposed legendary craftsmith works. Do you know which and where this smith is?” “I do. But I’ll only come on one condition. Take me with you!” It was really obvious why, considering there were money signs almost quite literally written all over her face. This is why it sometimes sucks to have adventurer as a role. But should I add her in? She does seem pretty generic despite her odd eyes, thought Nathan. He had a tendency to judge people by personality then looks, which made him unable to get a girlfriend. Speaking of which she does look pretty cute. He quickly shook the thought denying what his creator had just said out of his head. “Fine. But what can you do anyways?” “I am a magical gunslinger. Happy to help!” She give a cute wink and stuck out her tongue, making a peace sign over her open eyes. “We don’t need a gunslinger.” She was taken aback, as if she was struck by a crossbolt. In fact she actually started spurting a small stream of blood from her head, as if she had been struck by a really weak arrow. “I’m kiddin’. No need to get so serious about it. Jesus, you’re starting to worry me.” I noted the fact that she respond to anything about my use of Jesus. The deities here are much different than back home, and so people would exclaim Ohar, the star god. It would seem there is a universal system of gods, and that they seem to coexist, but there were a lot of similarities from the cultures of Nathan’s original world. “Really?” “Well, it’s just me and my brother, and we both do melee and mid-ranged magic. In fact he’s coming over here right now.” Nathan gave a small wave, and Sam had come over. “So, have you finally found yourself a girlfriend.” “Dude, you know I’m too lazy to do that. I found ourselves a guide. Meet… Um who are you?” “Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, haven’t I. I am Elizabeth Pyrotechnic, though I prefer being called Liz, and I am a magical gunslinger.” “Hello! I am the great Samuel, ready to bring justice out on evildoers!” “Cut it out, I think she means that seriously.” “I mean that seriously too!” Sam stuck his tongue out at Nathan. Nathan rolled, and turned to look at Liz. She does look like a gunslinger, he thought, scanning his eyes over her body, Though that doesn’t mean she has to keep repeating it over like some broken record. She wore an open long leather coat, wearing a simple white shirt underneath. Over that, she had on a pair of plain tan trousers, and a set of black leather, steel tipped combat boots. She would fit the stereotype, if she wore the hat, but instead, she kept her head open, showing her hair, which was tied in a long ponytail. “Pyrotechnic, huh? Well I guess that’s passable. It does say a lot about your family. Let’s see how you live up to that name.” With that, Nathan walked away. Walking behind him were Sam and Liz. “Is he always like that? Seems somewhat cold to me.” “Not once you get to know him. He’s a cool brother, despite his laziness and terrible habit of smoking.” “Yeah, he does seem to be the type who smokes.” “Oi, you can’t judge me for trying to act like a dragon. I’ve seen you wear that mane a couple times” called Nathan over his shoulder. Sam blushed at this comment. “What’s he talking about?” “Uhh, n-nothing. N-nothing you need to kn-know really.” “Oookay. By the way, how did you get your hair in such a brilliant shade of white?” asked Liz. “Hm, nah, that’s just our normal hair” Nathan responded. “So what, are you guys cursed or something?” “You could say it like that.” Sensing the mood the brothers gave, she decided not to pry any further. She continued to give them directions until they arrived. In front of them was a large coliseum like building, that was filled with shops all around it’s edge. In the center was an open courtyard filled with training dummies, some of which were being used. Overall, it was a breathtaking sight for the trio. Even for Elizabeth, for it was her first time here. “Wait, you’ve never been here before?” “Well, um, yeah?” “So there was a possibility of us getting lost.” “Hey, cool it bro.” “I’m on fire. I’m also really angry.” “Haha, I get the pun. Now let us continue on before the Great Samuel has to frost these two imbeciles.” “Still calling yourself that? It does sound kind of amazing, like you are some biblical prophet.” “Hmm? What are you talking about?” Both brothers responded immediately, “Uh, n-nothing. Just a brotherly joke. Heh heh.” The fact they spoke in such sync was stunning, almost enough to ignore the change in topic. “Anyway, I can’t believe you led us here without even knowing what the building looked like!” “I got you here, that was part of the deal.” Nathan glowered at Liz as they entered in the front lobby. The lobby was just as magnificent as the building itself, gold vines running across the solid black wallpaper, almost as if they were real. There was an elven woman sitting behind a large granite counter. Nathan immediately switched to a formal tone. “Hello miss. I am here to get a commission done by a certain blacksmith who goes by the name of Lili?” The elven woman looked at him in surprise. “We do know of a Fae who goes under that name. Do you mean her?” “Yeah, she’s the one I’m looking for.” “Well do you have the money?” “Yeah I do, thank you very much. Why else would I ask for her?” “Well, there is a reason why she did not become famous.” Liz leaned over to Sam’s ear and whispered, “What are they talking about?” “Have you never met a Fae?” Liz blushed. “N-no, not really.” “Well, Fae are usually aggressive, but masterful craft smiths. Even me, a foreigner, knows that.” “U-um, I haven’t really left the city.” “Really? Wowie, so you’re a city native?” “Y-yes.” “Neat! Though I don’t think Nathan’ll like that. I’ll keep it a secret, okay? Show me around later, ‘kay?” Sam winked. “Y-yeah, s-sure.” Nathan finished up  with the elf, and she led them to a barred door, covered in numerous locks. “You might want to stand back.” The elven woman unlocked the locks, and unbarred the door. It was only after the elf opened the door, when a blur of red rushed out grabbing onto the elf’s leg. “Lacháë? Is dinner ready?” the little red swirl asked. “Not yet Lili, I think I got some amazing clients for you.” “Really?” Sam and Liz were mystified by her cuteness, but Nathan stood unfazed by it. Lili turned to Nathan, and smiled a gruesome grin with her sharpened triangle teeth. This sent a chill down Sam’s and Liz’s spines, seemingly taking back their earlier thoughts about her being cute. “Hmmm, seems like you’ve seen through me?” “Well, living with a little brother like him,” Nathan pointed at Sam, “Causes one to be very cautious of cuteness.” Sam blushed in embarrassment. “I can see your point there.” “Hey, what are you two talking about?!” yelled Sam. They both turned and told Sam to shut up. He complied and scooted a bit behind Liz. “So, the reason why Lacháë here brought us to you,” gesturing towards the elf, “Was so that you could make weapons for me and Sam. I got the money here, so ask for any fee you want.” “Hm, I just need the fee for the supplies, and a slight labor fee, at about 20 gold per person. But I need to see whether it’s worth making. Lacháë here will show us a training grounds. Also, do you want any armor done? You seem very, hmmm, bare, in terms of combat.” Nathan turned to Sam. “Oi, do ya want any armor?” Sam gave a little before saying, “Yes! The Great Sam shall have some wonderful armor!” Quite cutely, I may add, which made Nathan slightly wary after confronting Lili. “Which parts do you want me to make? You don’t really seem the type who can wear that much armor.” “Could I get just a chestplate then? And pants to go with them.” At this point, Lili’s and Nathan’s noses almost bled. Shaking their heads, Liz and Lacháë tsked them, and went off to the training grounds. “So what’re we fighting?” “Why, who else? Me!” she announced with a rueful grin filled with sharpened teeth.

[asksmolgaster]

It was him. It was Sans, his son, his child. After all these years, even after falling into the CORE, his son still remembered him. Gaster almost couldn’t believe it.

Gaster bunched himself up like a spring and jumped up at Sans, who, while startled by his sudden movement, caught him in his arms. Gaster wrapped his little armless hands around Sans, his version of a hug, to which Sans replied to with a hug of his own.

“I’m not gonna lie, I thought you had completely forgotten who I was for a second there. Scared the crap outta me pops!” Sans laughed while giving Gaster a light noogie.

Gaster made a strange garbled noise akin to laughter. He removed his hands from Sans and began to sign.

“I apologize for worrying you, son. It has been many years, and many of my memories have began to fade ever so slightly,” His expression changed to that of a embarrassed smile as he signed. “But that is to be expected after falling into the CORE and being stuck in the Void for gods know how long. Besides, I would never fully forget my son, at least not for long.”

Sans snickered at that. “Yeah, I suppose you have a point there.” Sans suddenly seemed to remember something, and his smile widened. “You know, there’s someone who would really love to see you.”

“Papyrus?”

“Who else? Come on, I know a shortcut.”

------

Gaster was surprised at how little the house had changed. He was even more surprised that they had been able to move it all the way to the Surface without having to remove some parts. But it seemed that they had managed to do just that.

Ah, the wonders of science and magic.

For a while he just sat on Sans’ shoulder, staring at the house as memories began to surface.

Sans nodded at the house. “Well, here we are. Nice short cut, huh?”

“I taught you how to do that.”

“Aw come on, lemme have some fun!”

Gaster made another garbled laugh, and nudged Sans’ shoulder playfully. He was teasing of course. He may be the size of a small cat now, but he was still a dad.

Gaster blinked at the two mailboxes that were in front of the house. One of them was horribly bent, and had bits of ripped paper that appeared to have been yanked out. He gestured at it.

“What happened there? Did it get hit by a car?”

Sans blinked and looked at the mailbox his father was pointing at and shuddered slightly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Did you hit it with you Skull Blaster?”

“I hit it with my Skull Blaster.”

“Gods dammit Sans.”

Sans burst into laughter at Gaster’s dismayed expression as he stared at the mailbox. “Look man, there was some weird shit in that thing, it had to put out of it’s misery!” He wheezed between laughter. Gaster merely rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Well, other than the desecrated mailbox, the house looks well cared for. I’m proud of you and Papyrus.” And it was true. They had kept everything the same. The tree lights that Sans had threw over onto the house while practicing his magic, the lovely wreath that simply refused to wilt on the door, the snow on the roof-

Wait. The snow on the roof?

“Sans, why is there-”

Sans swiftly approached the door and opened it before his father could finish his sentence. “Welp, we should probably go inside now, shouldn’t keep Papyrus waiting, huh?” He said quickly. Gaster couldn’t help but be amused by his attempts to change the topic. Oh well. He’d address him about it later.

Sans walked into the house. He removed his shoes and took off his coat, leaving it on a coat rack, which was probably a new addition to the house since Gaster didn’t recognize it.

“Hey bro, I’m home!” Sans called out as he made his way to the couch. Once there, he opened up a drawer and pulled out a binder. Good heavens it was big, it must weigh a ton. Sans placed it down onto the couch right as Papyrus walked in wearing a apron that read “Hug the Cook”.

“ABOUT TIME! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU HAD FALLEN ASLEEP SOMEWHERE AND NEEDED ME TO COME FIND YOU!” Gaster jumped at Papyrus’s voice; he had forgotten how loud he was.

“Haha, no, not this time. Sorry bro,” Sans chuckled. “I didn’t mean to stay out so long. But, I have a reason for it. I brought someone home.” Sans explained with a grin.

Papyrus slapped his hands to his skull in a shocked gesture. “WHAT?! YOU BROUGHT SOMEONE OVER? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? I COULD HAVE COOKED EXTRA SPAGHETTI SO THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US! AS WELL AS CLEANED UP A BIT MORE,” Papyrus scolded his brother, who continued to grin widely. “WELL, WHERE ARE THEY? THEY’RE A GUEST, AND WE SHOULD BE POLITE! DON’T TELL ME THEY'RE STILL OUTSIDE ON THE PORCH!”

Sans shook his head. “Nope. They ain’t on the porch. They’re inside.” Sans spoke as if it was a casual situation and not that their father had returned from the void after several years. Gaster wondered what Sans was up to.

“WELL, WHERE ARE THEY THEN?” Papyrus demanded, putting his hands on his hip bones. Gaster decided then that he should probably move so Papyrus could see him. And maybe find out if Papyrus had his eyes checked recently.

Gaster jumped off of Sans’ shoulders and ‘slid’ over to Papyrus. He reared himself up to try to make himself taller, though it didn’t make much of a difference.

“I am down here on the floor.” Gaster signed while making garbled sounds. Unlike his laughter, which sounded like staticy whistles and weird popping noises, his speech sounded a bit more distorted. Creepy, he supposed, but it got people’s attention.

Papyrus looked down and met eyes with Gaster. For a while, they stared at each other, neither of them moving or speaking. Then Papyrus spoke, his voice unusually quiet.

“Dad?”

Gaster nodded.

The next few hours was spent with crying, pats on the back, and a lot of hugging.

[2girls1thought]

how this got here...

I genuinely can’t explain what I felt when I met you. Not when I saw you. I judged you. I really thought you looked like a boy from Stafford. Like Philip... - in retrospect I wasn’t far off. A more intelligent, a more ‘bout it, charismatic, version of the same lesson.... wow, the same lesson dating all the way back to then... But then we talked and you were fuuucking funny bro, you thought I was funny, you looked at me like you’ve never seen a creature like me before in your life. Like I intrigued you and scared you and you wanted to make me feel better. -narcissist/empath relationship?  But anything you (haha i just spelt new dudes name instead of anything at first) felt for me was immediately trumped by my instatiable feeling to make you feel loved, and like you mattered. To try and convince you to save your own life..little did I know you were fucking DROWNING in the same love from the females that came before me and weren’t LUCKY enough to cut all ties when they left..sorry, when you left. Because you always get to leave Andrew. I hate you because I am jealous of your ability to genuinely shut down part of your love..like it wasn’t ever real. - jake too, this is the part of the lesson.......- but I know when it changed. I felt the shift like the love had been left out of the room. From endless laughing and just chilling, kissing, play fighting... like a lightswitch. And I know that I am whole person to deal with and people falling out of love with me OVER TIME is a very real possibility. But i’m not an idiot and I can’t fake energy I felt these relationships or I wouldn’t have engaged. It wasn’t ALL ME. Anyways.. I’m gonna really break this down. March 13th 2016 I went to Manchester hospital...I was there for a week you were there for MAYBE 72 hours buts that fucking pushing it. And there was that bond made, for me. If nothing else you saw a little girl you could DEFINITELY take advantage of, or maybe love. Or maybe you are JUST A LESSON and this is how it would play out....but we had jokes then that we still made when we were together this time. You left and went to carry on with your life until you got locked up. I went to Las Vegas and then to New Hampshire and you were a thought on my mind but just another face on my journey...I meet alot of people. I click with alot of people but I’ve never FELT for any one like that before... well I mean... but still I didn’t hardly think of you until I saw that movie Southpaw and it was like a wave of emotions and I had to find a way to find you and make sure you were okay, that’s when I went into private detective mode. lol. Even our letters and our first phone conversations were easy, witty, it clicked Andrew, we both said that from the beginning. Then you came up to NH, even in your current state, and me sober something happened when we were reunited. We both said that this wasn’t our first time together. This was picking up on something that was started a long time ago.That was the identifying factor for me. That feeling never subsided the whole time we spent the first months together. Which felt like an eternity looking back. And how good, lustful, intense, easy, comfortable it all started as; was equally as bad as it got. Secretive, nasty, abandoning, lonely, deceitful,not trusting. Just as quickly. But it was easy for me to blame that on substance abuse because I changed. I sayy that like iiii didn’t, why couldn’t he? But that’s not for me. Alot of my frustration gets caught up in the me vs him in the relationship. He did this...so I did that.. but I ONLY did that. Its so easy for me to place blame...but I also take accountability. I guess that’s why we’re writing it out... lol.  https://youtu.be/szIDM99kRNM I felt so intensely for you Andrew, I love you more than I think you have the ability of understanding. More than I have the understanding of.. maybe that’s not the point of any of this.. I’ve lost you before 100 times and I grieve you while you’re still sitting next to me. I want to do nothing more than be your peace, be the one place YOU run to. The runner. The fastest, like Duse.Look how faaaast you are...its funny but I’m crying and I somehow can envision you reading this next to me, listening exactly to what I’m istening to right now.. and hug me. I still feel like that can be a thing. But at the same time I think I learned what I’ve needed to... I hope. If I have not I guess we know for sure we’ll back together on this level. I’ve never met anyone like you.. except me. I think the reason it hurts so fucking much is because I have no reason to be mad at you... i fucking UNDERSTAND and it rips me apart because you weren’t strong enough to try. You know what you need to do to, to be who you want to be. And you’re just not fucking willing to do it. And I’m not willing to give you all of this...life, with out you meeting me at alll.. anywhere. 1/2 way, 1/16th way. At all. I can’t respect that. I don’t know what that’s like, to say you want or need something and not even fucking try to work for it. I was willing to do walk you through life you fucking DIPPPED. That’s the one thing we talked about, that is my biggest fear. And you left and didn’t look back. Not a 2 minute phone call to let me know you’re alive. Nothing. You flipped the switch back to not giving a fucking. That just does not work for me. Because if you don’t care than I CANNOT care. I will end up even more hurt, over a longer period of time.  I don’t know what this is. I’m listening to songs that make me cry and focusing on something I REALLY don’t want to think about.. 

welp.

[ecotone99]

Friends and Fire [HM]

Hey, Brad, have you got that fire started yet?” “No, Mark, not since the last time you asked me a full two seconds ago. Go help with the food.” “Aaron sent me over hear to help you, besides they’ve got it under control. You’ve been working on that fire for ten minutes.” “I want it to be safe, and to last a long time. Campfire talks are a well kept tradition, and we haven’t seen each other in years.” “Hey, relax Brad. Tony and I just finished up with the three tents. I’m glad we upgraded them, two people to a tent wasn’t too bad when we were younger, but I for one have no desire to breathe in Tom’s onion breath all night.” “At least DJ finally learned to wear deoderant. Oh man, that was bad.” “Hah! There we go, and just in time for dinner! A nice, smouldering flame. I can build it up more as darkness falls. Tony, Aaron, DJ, and Tom, we’re ready when you are!” The other boys came over quickly, carrying bags of food and coolers full of everyone’s favorite drinks. “Tony, you remembered the buns this time, right?” “Yeah, man, no one’s ever going to let me live that down, are they?” “Hey now, at least you aren’t the reason no one brings booze any more. Lookin’ at you, DJ.” “Not cool, Tom gave me a dare, I didn’t plan on falling in the river, so I didn’t bring extra clothes. I’m just glad Aaron had an extra shirt. Crazy that the wind picked up that night. I’ll never forget having to sneak back into the house, buck naked except for a shirt tied around me and held in place with a vine. My sister almost caught me, too.” “Hah ha ha ha ha! Oh man, I forgot about that. It’s been too long, guys. Of course, now I can’t get that image out of my head.” “Yeah, yeah. Can we get to the food now? I’m starving!” As the sun began to set lower and lower in the sky, and the marshmallows were brought out, DJ started the stories off. “Ok, I’ll start. High School, senior year. Tom and I decided to prank the football team, so we snuck up into the announcer’s booth late one night after practice, and called a singing telegram service. We chose the cheapest one, an older lady, and wearing a giant heart costume. We had the big game against our rivals, the Redmitt Riverdogs, the next day. She was supposed to get there before the game started and sing and dance for the other team in the most cringey voice you’ve ever heard, hoping it would embarrass them, right? Well, it didn’t work, she was late, got there around half time, and sang to our team for five whole minutes before security nailed her.” “Wait, that was you guys? Coach was mad for the rest of the season. How did you possibly keep that to yourselves, it was a legend.” “We didn’t want to be known as the kids who flubbed up a singing telegram. IT’s better than Aaron’s prank.” “What? Aaron never did anything. What do you mean?” All eyes turned to him in an instant, curiosity burning in their eyes like a reflected flame. “L-look, it wasn’t very good, and it was a very brief lapse in my otherwise perfect judgement.” “Oh, come on, man, you can’t just leave us hanging like that.” “Yeah, bro, you have to spill it now.” “Ugh, fine. It was freshman year. Before I knew most of you guys, and I kept getting picked on by the older guys in school. Finally, I’d had enough. So, I bought twenty cans of shaving cream, and filled all of the urinals in the entire school to the brim with the stuff. I had about three cans left over, so I went to the gym, and opened those guys lockers, and sprayed a good glob of it into the crotch of their underwear. This was on a Friday night, so by the time Monday came around, There were white crusty stuff in all the urinals and these guy’s underwear.” “Whaaat?! That was you? I remember being weirded out, and all of the upperclassmen boys had to go take a special sex-ed class for a week. Oh man. It’s the quiet ones, man. They always hit you when you least expect it.” “Yeah, it wasn’t my finest moment, and the bullies almost figured it out, but I guess their coach caught them red handed holding their underwear, and called their parents.” “What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall for that conversation, eh?” Stories were shared long into the night, achievements relieved, and many laughs were had around the fire. IT had to be stoked several times throughout the night, and they even had to break to go find some firewood at one point. “Hey, Aaron?” “What is it, Mark?” “Maybe we should pull off one last prank, for old times sake.” “Oh, come on, that’s kids stuff. Besides, just once, I’d like for one of these trips to go over without a hitch. Something always goes sideways out here.” “Fine then, you’re still the same old responsible stick in the mud.” “Yeah, yeah.” “Welp, I’m gonna turn in. Wake me when it’s food time.” “Do you ever think of anything but food, Tom?” Everyone laughed, then one by one, they all crawled into their respective tents for the night. What was left of it, anyway. They all slept soundly, until about three am. “Tom, Tom, did you hear that?” “Murgh. S’nuff gone nadda.” “Tom, wake up! I heard footsteps and growling!” “Nyegh.” “TOM!” “WAH! Oh, it’s just you. What’s wrong with you Mark? I’m trying to sleep.” Grrrrrr. Wuffa, wuffa. Thump, thump, thump, thump. “W…” The words died on Tom’s lips. Fully awake now, he shuffled down to the end of the tent, and carefully pulled the flap back. “Well?” “Shhhh, I can’t see anything. It’s kinda dark. Do you have cell service out here?” “No, we’re in the middle of nowhere you idiot! Why would I need cell service?” “So you could text the others and see if they hear it too, duh!” Thump, THUMP, THUMP. WUFFA WUFFA WUFFA, GrrRRR. “Psst, T-T-Tom.” “Shh.” …

GRRRRRRRROOOOWLLLLL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! “What is going. BEEEAAAAARRR!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.” “LET ME OUT!” “Get out of the way!” “NOO! Don’t Stand up in the TENT!” DJ and Mark grabbed their flashlights and scurried out of their tent, only to be met with the most surreal sight. Two tents, flying around the campsite, looking for all the world like they were trying to split apart. Also, the yelling. “AAAAAAAAHHHHH! No, AUGH! SIT DOWN!” “LET ME OOOUUUTT!” “GO RIGHT! NO, YOU WET POTATO CHIP, YOUR OTHER RIGHT!” “IT’S A BEAR! SHUT UP AND PLAY DEAD!” “Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!” “Oh, no, haha, hahahaha, this is gold!” “MOVE! I’M NOT BEING EATEN TODAY!” “SIT DOOWWN I SAY! SIT! STAY! CEASE!” The tents continued to run around the campsite, sometimes falling down, other times going in circles, and other times banging into each other. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, IT’S THE BEAR!” “MOVE IT YOU DENSE DOORKNOB!” “Hahahahahahahahahahahah, oh, I’m crying, I can’t, oh, hahahahahahahaha, I can’t breathe!” “IT’s too dark for a video! OH this is too good. They’re heading for the Lake now!” “AAAAAAAAAHHHHH- SPLOOOOOSHHH In the morning, with the camp in a complete state of disarray, four cold and wet young men sit around a fire, attempting to dry their clothes. “This is all your fault, Tom.” “What?! How is this MY fault?” “You just had to keep a bag of funyuns with you, didn’t you?” “Oh, shut up.”

submitted by /u/Canoe-Maker [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2PRqV0D

[blaperile]

Hiveswap Episode 1 Reaction Part 15: Second Strife + Trophy Room Exploration part 1

Dammit, it's been two weeks since we last had the time to play some more Hiveswap.

Before we started I knew it was going to take a pretty long time, knowing us, but still.

Oh well, no use complaining about it, let's just continue where we stopped last time and continue enjoying it in the same way as always!

After all, last time we just went through some really exciting things, what with exploring the basement and getting our very first strife!

Next up, we were going to see what Joey and Jude have to say to each other. After that, I assume we're going to the trophy room, perhaps immediately going into our next strife? Or is it about time to be Jude for the first time, maybe?

Let's find out!

plainWonder's got a great point that this is a great game to be playing for the upcoming Halloween now, hahaha!

Starting at 8:20 PM now.

Pffffff, I love how Jude's immediately speculating that it wasn't Joey who turned the power back on. And immediately afterwards he's complimenting her on her wilyness, haha.

Hmm, so yeah, Jude's reminding Joey/us that we need to go to the trophy room to get the attic key.

But... how are we going to deal with the problem in there? Another strife comin' up?

I mean... assuming there's a monster inside the trophy room and not something else? Considering the fact that we didn't actually see it and Joey just heard some stuff.

Or maybe we get another distraction before we end up there?

I love the narration when examining the basement door. YOU'RE MORE OF A SNAKE THAN IT IS. XD

Okay, exiting the kitchen and moving on to the trophy room then!

...Oooooohhhhhhh, right! We can now see the living room in the light! Gosh it looks so much less creepier now.

Alright, enough of that. Let's see what happens at the trophy room! Will there be another cutscene?

....A short one!!!

Yup, there's another monster in here! And looks like Joey could enter this time because it was no longer right in front of the door.

God that is a pretty weird looking monster. But a considerably smaller one than the serpent monster and perhaps more easier for Joey to handle!

Oh man, plainWonder's right that the house motif is also in the strife music! That's really cool!

Anyway, now we're getting a way better look at the trophy room!

It actually looks quite a bit smaller (both in length and width) than I expected, when we saw it in the dark!

What caught my attention first is the two katanas. They immediately remind me of Bro's katanas. I wonder why Grandpa had them?

And hey, some actual guns in here! Both in the trophy case in the background, and on display right above the katanas.

Pfff, another clock (on 11:11 of course) with a swinging pendulum.

And of course, one of Grandpa's precious globes! Which, like plainWonder pointed out, have got some pretty weird continents on them. Is it perhaps supposed to be a globe of prehistoric Earth, when the continents where shapped differently or something?

It would be interesting to examine that globe later on.

plainWonder just noticed the fireplace! Heh, just like in the foyer in Jade's home. Fortunately enough, this one doesn't feature a stuffed human corpse in front of it. xD

Nor is there any urn to be seen, like at John's fireplace.

Which brings me back to wondering what happened to Ms. Claire after her death. Did she get a proper burial, perhaps? It would be interesting if we could visit her grave in Hauntswitch or something!

Hey, a chess board! That's an especially interesting thing to notice here, considering how closely Homestuck is linked to chess metaphors. Talking about that chess board... it has no chess pieces? Hmm, that's weird!

My theorizing mind is of course immediately wondering if there's some metaphor to get from this empty chess board, but let's not dwell on this any longer, for now. :P

Aaaaaand of course some more deer trophies. God, this home is going to be one giant hell for Dammek, won't it? xD

Up above, near the ceiling, we've got some more interesting things. A talking fish, a sad-looking bear trophy, another narwhal trophy like in the basement, and... a white bird with a black wing? That last one is especially remarkable, it doesn't really fit in that much with the other trophies.

plainWonder's probably right that it's just a type of bird that has black on top of the wing and white on the bottom, but still.

I can't help but think of the white and black wings of PM and Jack Noir here.

Alright, wow, that's enough examining for now!

Let's get into this strife! And hope Joey is capable of handling this one.

Oh!!!! plainWonder's got a great point that the narration is pointing out that the monster looks HUNGRY! That could be a hint that we need to use the pet treats here! That's a sweet catch and sneaky hint.

Let's first try out some other items then.

Flashlight > Monster: WELP. That didn't work. The puns keep getting me though. xD

Tap shoes > Monster: Yikes! Looks like the monster can roar. That's pretty scary.

Looks like this monster is really good at blocking moves!

Batteries > Monster: I love how that battery slid back all the way to Joey for her to pick up.

All-Season Magic Spice Mix > Monster: Okay, so that doesn't do much either.

I guess it's up to the pet treats then! :D

And maybe doing that will give us a hint on what to do next.

Pet treats > Monster: Yup, he swallowed the treats! ...It didn't really do much though, but it was definitely the right combination, considering that the cursor changed to orange just like last time.

But what do we do next? Do we use the spice mix again, or something else?

...Nope! Not the spice mix.

Let's just try attacking then, with the flashlight, tap shoes, or ballet slippers?

...Huh, none of the above are the correc actions!

Do we need to give it even more pet treats? xD

....We do!!!! I didn't expect that.

So this time Joey didn't throw it right in its mouth, but to the floor. It made the monster move to the right! That's interesting. Maybe plainWonder's right and we're just going to chase the monster outside and shut the door, so we can examine the trophy room?

Pffffff, the target symbol has become a chomping mouth now. IT IS HUNGRY AND WANT MORE FOOD. :mspa:

Oh hey, examining the monster again now gives a different narration! Oh yes, time for dessert, hahaha. I wonder if there was another piece of narration after the first time we used the treats too.

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAA, that was amazing. The monster indeed left the trophy room, and we got a wonderful victory & level-up scene, hahahaha.

The victory music and Joey's pose reminded me of John's victory dance/music after defeating the Imp, hehehe.

I didn't expect the leveling up part! I love how it's a spoof of Echeladders on one hand, and on the other hand also a spoof on stats in other video games where it actually makes you stronger in a way, whereas in Homestuck and now also here in Hiveswap it's mostly an excuse for sillyness, hahaha.

So okay, looks like Joey closed the door after the monster left the room, that was a wise decision. :P

Let's start examining some stuff in here now!

First of all, I just noticed how that knight's arm fell off and is lying on the ground. Anyone else immediately thinking of Jack Noir's missing arm here? xD

Oh wait, totally forgot that Jude and Joey got some more things to say to each other! Let's see. Because yeah, where even IS the attic key in here?

....Pfff, Jude simply refuses to tell where the key is. Wonderful. :P

Where even is Grandpa's desk that Joey's referring to here?

I doubt the key is in the armpit or in the glove of that knight, hehe.

....OH HELL YES. Jack Noir reference secured right there.

Ahahaha, it's a "little out of season" for equipping the armour. And also a little the wrong century, I think. ;)

Batteries && Knight armour ==> My first thought was that this was perhaps referencing those chess creatures on the Battlefield that are loyal to the White Queen and White King, but oh my god, plainWonder's got a far better point that this is probably referencing the Imperial Drones and their loyalty to the Condesce!

Well played, writers. Well played.

Pogs && Knight armour ==> I only realized how funny Pog Epoch sounds after I said it out loud, hahaha.

Cherub Key && Knight armour ==> HMMMMMMMMMMMM... Joey's considering that there might be stuff hidden away inside the armour. Is this a hint that the attic key might be inside the armour after all? That's something to keep in mind.

In any case, none of the other item combinations really hint that we could do something to it. So let's move on then, for now!

...Is it just me or is the narration on the lioness head a reference to B2 Jack? Eye sockets that beckon for something to be inserted into them instead of actual eyes, a head detached from its body? That sounds suspiciously like how B2 Jack got the billiard eyes and how he died in Collide. :P

Batteries/Pogs && Cat head trophy ==> ...Huh, what's Joey going to put inside those sockets? In any case, she didn't insert the batteries nor the pogs, and I doubt she'll insert the pet treats.

...Oh god Joey's going to find some billiard balls in this trophy room somewhere, isn't she?

Cherub Key && Cat head trophy ==> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... Is this just a sneaky reference to Lord English's connection to both the Cherub motif and the empty eye sockets that got filled up? Or is this hinting that Joey's going to insert something red and something green in here (red and green billiard ball???).

Anyway, this mysterious note looks like a good place to finish for tonight. Getting pretty tired here, and it's 9:30 PM already.

Next time we'll explore the rest of the trophy room, find something to put in those eyesockets of the cat head trophy if we're "lucky" (D:), and perhaps find the attic key.