#bring myself to do it! so now i have to do it and prep stuff after work!!!

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneepy cozy time....

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

[just-watch-and-calculate]

acknowledging that I'm not just lazy but instead sometimes my executive functioning just does not work has helped me to deal with it better

sometimes its a sign that I desperately need to rest

sometimes I should still get it done to be able to rest better. so I employ strategies I have

you have to stop hating yourself for not taking care of yourself before you can start taking care of yourself in a more sustainable way

[companionsofusall]

I hate feeling so unmotivated!!! I hate forcing myself to do things i LIKE to do!!! I hate making myself do things that i know make me happier!!

[venomous-qwille]

hi qwille!!! I got questions for u! you have lots of characters planned out, and that’s super cool! but how do u usually go about that process? like all your characters are very unique, and I wonder about the design process, as well as how you make their personality distinct! how do you make character dynamics/relationships? because all the scenes I’ve read so far make the characters feel really organic, and mesh really well together! (sorry for all the questions! I’m super curious ^w^)

Hiya! Here is an answer I wrote for this question on discord recently ^^

I will try answer this as thoroughly as possible!

There was a LOT of kill your darlings involved in making characters for gitm. Originally I had a very long list of character ideas that I cut down and down based on the kind of things and themes they would give me the opportunity to write about. I love long ensemble cast stories, thinking back to ones I particularly enjoyed and the ways those characters gelled together helped me a lot. The most important thing when selecting characters was making sure they would give me something interesting to write about! I was also very keen on ones that let me explore the fics main theme of Family from a different angle. I'm not sure how helpful this all is! But yeah, I try to be pretty strict with myself about what I include. The only reason I would include two characters who were very very similar would be to emphasize a difference/divergence between them later on. Characters have to justify themselves by bringing something unique to the table, even if that thing is just a 'very different outlook on life' to the rest of the cast. Over time a lot of those character ideas became more fleshed out in my brain, and characters that were cut from the original shortlist made their way back in. They still have to be able to narratively justify themselves in order to earn a channel in the discord though!

For the gitm guys, while I dont have a literal sheet I fill out I do make sure to answer a couple of basic character work questions: What lie do they believe about themselves/the world? How does it impact the way they interact with others? What central theme do they embody most? What do they want more than anything else? How do they feel about humans? Who are they at their best and who are they at their worst? I found that by answering these sort of questions it helped me discover more about them, which creates more questions- rinse and repeat. The more questions I answered the further away they would get from each other in terms of similarities. The thing that really helped with the gitm boys, especially because their origins are so similar, was leaning in to how different their experiences were post-fazco. They are different people because the world has made them that way. Messing around with foils has been useful too! Characters are no fun in a vacuum, it's how they interact with others that makes them interesting. I like to create ones that will bring out the best and the worst in each other. I think about opposites a lot and I really like narrative symmetry- what lessons can the characters learn from each other? I find that stuff super exciting to read so I really wanted to include it. Some examples of character foils in gitm: Fool & Noon, Sombra & Sunspot, Misuta & Sol

When it comes to finding character voice, I do a lot of test drabbles (a couple of them are on this server), which I use to just fuck around until I find something that feels right. For instance- Sol was very very easy to find the voice of, where as Misuta took weeks of rewrites. Sometimes things take time. Spending this time figuring out their voices at the start really helps fic consistence in the long run, I think. Because of all that prep, I don't really have to do anything to 'get into character' when writing their dialogue (it's fairly second nature now).

In regards to coming up with a character's arc, I look at them and their themes and ask 'what the fuck happened to you, dude?' and then 'how has that entrenched a faulty world view on you?' 'what could you be driven to do because of that world view/misunderstanding?' 'what would it take to fix this world view/misunderstanding?' (the last question is the most important one!). Then voila, you have a very loose framework of a (hopepunk) character arc.

In regards to the actual planning of the fic/character arcs, I have a very big miro board (pic attached) that I use for all this! Most of the major character beats are marked out separately to plot beats etc etc. There are still a bunch of bits that only reside in my brain, but I do try to add them to my plan as soon as they become any kind of concrete. All of the characters also have a background chapter (or rather, a series of chapters that form a short story) attached to their arc, that will recontextualise everything you have learned about them so far! I am so deeply looking forward to dropping these (I already have quite a lot written).

I would say that- for your question on character relationships- the answer does come down to being really specific about what you include. Make sure characters are meaningfully different from eachother, give them goals and experiences that clash and then force them to live/work together in the same space. If you have put time into building your characters before that, then you just need to create opportunities for them to get into conflict and bring out the best/worst in eachother. I really do believe that characters are quite boring in a vacuum- which is why I put so much emphasis on including narrative foils ^^ Tyvm for the ask <3

[sketchy-tour]

I just wanted to quickly say thank you guys!! Like... LIKE REALLY!!! THANK YALL SO MUCH!!!! The amount of constant love I receive for my work has been overwhelmingly wonderful to experience. I don't even know how to put it all into words. BUT IM GONNA TRY!

FAIR WARNING! I'm about to be really really sappy under the cut. So feel free to ignore that if you wish. But I got a lot of emotions I'm about to try to say.

Hi hello and hi. Um. Well, it's hard to explain how much this has meant to me. How much your kind words have sent waves of joy through my heart. How much every like has made me smile. How every reblog has made me feel a rush of pride. Every person who spammed me with likes when finding my blog, every person who talks in the tags when reblogging me, every person who shows up constantly in my notifs, every mutual who interacts with me even in the smallest of ways, every other artist I interacted with who has been kind to me.

All of it. Every single notif has made me smile in some way and I cannot thank you enough. I was so genuinely shy about sharing Dandy with Tumblr because I began drawing Dandy at a very turbulent time of my life. My WH art and oc had become a place of comfort for my mind and I had wanted to interact with the community for a long while but I'm skittish by nature so it took a LOT of mental prep for me to start posting this stuff here.

And the fact I have so much positivity in my notifs! I really needed that. Truly, I did. I still don't see myself as a big artist by any means, but I know I'm so lucky to have the bit of engagement I do from yall!

I feel like I'm rambling. Needless to say...it means the absolute world to me that the art that brings me joy is given such love by yall. Even if hyperfixations change, even if time marches us all in different directions, I'm thankful to have this. Right now. When I needed it.

[dutifullylazybread]

just found you, i see a lot of pre and post family with the teefs. what about during? and directly after? how do they care for their partner during pregnancy? especially if its a diffcult one? and afterward when their partners body has changed and maybe they're less confident about the extra weight, softer body, the extra rolls and teh stretch marks that wont go away? how does each bachelor help or make it better ir suddenly realize that is even wrong to begin with? what if they accidentally something bring out that newly found weakness in their partners confidence? ( sorry if youre busy i know you got stuff to do- i just figured youre the person who could slam dunk these thoughts i had)

Have I... GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN JOIN THE TIEFLING HEAD CANON SQUAD???????

ADDED 4/26/24: This might be a rough list, but I hope you all enjoy!! ❤️

OKAY. I GOTTA ADD CAL. I'M ADDING CAL. THIS SWEET MAN IS A TIEFLING BACHELOR AND DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH FAN CONTENT... YET.

And thank you for bearing with me--I know that this ask was sent in a hot minute ago! I'm hoping I answered all of your questions; I got to a point of this sitting in my drafts where I just felt bad about how long it had been there, so I tried to be thorough but I wanted to get this out sooner rather than later. I mostly worked on this when I had a few spare moments between chapters, and then I said "screw it. This is getting done. TODAY."

So, for Cal, Rolan, Zevlor, and Dammon--let's go!

DISCLAIMER - I do not have children myself, nor have I ever been pregnant. So I shall do my best!

JUST IN CASE - A CONTENT WARNING: While writing these head canons, I did refer to the tiefling's partner as "you." If reading about being pregnant makes you uncomfortable for any reason, please be aware and be kind to yourself. I have zero doubt in my mind that I will be creating another head canon list, so if you need to pass or wait on this one, that's absolutely okay. Your mental health is important.

Cal

While Cal's partner is pregnant, he will do absolutely anything and everything to make sure they are comfortable. To say that he is doting is putting things very mildly.

He will make your favorite meals, will go out and get whatever you are craving (late night runs--not a problem), will rub your swollen ankles.

Too hot? He's asking Rolan for a cantrip scroll to fix it. Too cold? He's already piling you with blankets.

Are you feeling sick and nauseous? He's already prepping something for you to eat/drink that doesn't have an offensive smell.

And if it's a hard pregnancy? I don't see him leaving your side. If he does, he has Rolan create a sending stone set for the two of you so that you can reach out to him for anything and everything.

Honestly, he doesn't get far enough for him to even use the sending stones. He is looking for anything and everything to make the pregnancy easier on you. If he wasn't a light sleeper before, he is now because he doesn't want you to lay there in pain.

There may be points where he feels helpless because while he can do things to try and alleviate any physical discomfort, there are just times when he might just grasp at straws.

And, in situations where he can't alleviate your physical discomfort, he will do what he can to distract you.

He keeps his stress managed well enough, but that doesn't mean he won't snap at Lia or Rolan if he is too anxious. If he does get openly frustrated with them, it takes both off guard.

I also think he just holds you. A lot. Part of that is to comfort you, and the other part is to assure himself that everything will be okay.

If his partner is dealing with body image issues after giving birth, I see him being confused. You? The most enchanting person he has ever known?

Cut to him kissing you and holding you whenever possible. He'll ask Lia and Rolan to watch the baby whilst the two of you go on outings when your health permits. If it helps you to hear it, he'll remind you how lovely you are. Frequently. Hourly. Every five minutes? Not quite, but close enough.

Personally, I don't think his doting goes away after the pregnancy. And, if it is too much, it might make you feel like he views you as helpless.

If you give voice to this, he goes into immediate mediation mode. He will be extremely apologetic. He loves you and never wants you to think he perceives you as anything other than the phenomenal person you are.

Rolan

Ugh. My beloved.

He might be more stressed about having a child than you are.

He never anticipated being a father, and that might be for 15+ reasons, but he feels drastically unprepared (even if the pregnancy was planned).

He reads every. Single. Book. On pregnancy. He is the parent who gives himself nightmares when he reads about birthing complications.

Every sign of discomfort that you show is a catastrophe on the horizon.

And if it's a difficult pregnancy? Yeah. Dial that up by five notches.

He is preparing for all worst-case scenarios.

If it weren't for Cal and Lia keeping him in check, he would be safety-proofing everything in the tower.

He crafts sending stones so you can call for him if you need anything. ANYTHING.

But also, he starts shadowing midwives and asking lots of questions. If the worst were to happen and you couldn't reach a professional, he wants to be there to help you.

After giving birth, I see him splitting his anxiety between your health/recovery and the baby's overall well-being.

"The baby sneezed. That might indicate five different lethal illnesses. I'm fetching the cleric."

This is another situation where you, Cal, and Lia might have to remind him that, yes, babies do sometimes sneeze, and not everything that lands in the diaper spells doom.

Rolan might not initially understand why you're feeling self-conscious about any weight gain. Of course you're lovely. Also, isn't that what happens with pregnancies? (His words--not mine).

He assures you that you're lovely, but words might not be enough here. He might shove his foot in his mouth while trying to make the situation better.

But the best thing for him to do is remind you, repeatedly, that you are lovely. And that might not have been something he was accustomed to even saying to you prior to you conceiving. He would assume you knew that he was attracted to you.

It honestly might be the strangest (and most endearing) thing to have him say "You look very lovely today. Yes, even with the baby's spit up on your shirt."

Zevlor

*nervously staring at the tiefling I am the most unsure about writing.*

*cracks my knuckles and cries because it hurt like hell*

Zevlor has been through some of the most heinous things that can be thrown at someone. He is a seasoned soldier. A Hellrider. Surely he can help his partner through pregnancy. After all, there were plenty of soldiers in the barracks who has pregnant spouses. He's heard enough stories that he feels prepared.

He survived the Elturel's Descent. It's possible that he helped safeguard someone who was in the middle of giving birth or guided expecting parents to safety. Maybe he had to fight off the devil's skulking the streets if they caught wind/heard that person enduring birthing pains?

So maybe, he thinks, he has already seen some of the worst births ever. Maybe, he thinks, in this time of relative peace, in this home that he and his love have created, it'll be easier?

My personal headcanon for Zevlor is that he put EVERYTHING into being a Hellrider/paladin. It was his life. It was his every breathing moment. And when he became an oathbreaker, it destroyed him. His life was devoted to protecting others, and he feels that he failed in the worst of ways possible.

He certainly had friends and very possibly family that he would see on occasion, but I think that, if you didn't fight alongside him/live in the barracks too, you very likely didn't see much of him.

So maybe he has heard a great deal about pregnancies. And maybe he knows about the complicated ones--just a bit. But he himself is at a loss for when his partner tells him that they are pregnant.

Is he excited? Absolutely. Is he terrified. Oh yeah.

Regardless of how complicated the pregnancy is, he is nervous. He is worried that he will slip up in all the ways that matter, and he is terrified of letting you down.

He's a soldier though, and he prepares for everything.

He has additional blankets and pillows next to the bed.

Hot and cold compresses are ready to go.

He makes sure that he accounts for your cravings whenever shopping.

He has medicine for when the pain is severe. And when the medicine doesn't cut it, he tries his best to distract you--his mileage varies.

And this man adores you. So after the pregnancy, if you are feeling self-conscious, he will worship your body.

Dammon

I could see Cal and Dammon both being very doting, but Dammon would be juggling the forge and helping you.

If you spent a lot of time in the forge with him prior to pregnancy but find that being in there now makes you feel ill, he will absolutely feel lonelier. He is definitely the sort of person who gets very absorbed in his work, and I think this makes him feel guilty. Especially if he feels like him being there could have made things easier for you.

He becomes a meal prep king. Will cook several comfort meals for you to eat while he is working.

Massages swollen ankles and feet and anything else.

While he might have worked later hours in the forge before, he makes a point to wrap things up sooner to spend evenings with you.

That doesn't mean he isn't nervous--you're about to have a child, and he does worry if there will be enough money.

He worries that if he does slow down, commissions will dry up, and then where will that leave the three of you?

If the pregnancy is difficult, he feels guilty for leaving you alone and looks for hundreds of ways to make things easier.

Eventually, he creates a small sitting space for you near the doorway to the shop itself. It's not so close to the forge that you'll be uncomfortably hot or so close that the smell will make you sick, and he sets up a small tarp to create some shade.

If you helped Dammon in the forge before the pregnancy, he is likely hesitant to have you come back and immediately help. Especially if the birth was difficult.

But what you need, more than anything from him, is time

And Dammon wants to be a parent who is present in your life and the baby's, so he does everything to be there.

But money is still a stressor. And he might worry about you being in the forge again. So he's stressed on all fronts.

And while I don't see him commenting or changing how he treats his partner because of weight change, I do see him being VERY reluctant to have you work in the forge with him.

And this may lead to an argument. You know he is stressed about commissions and being there for you and the baby, but you still want to help.

So Dammon dials it back several notches and agrees that you know your body best. So long as you feel comfortable working in the forge, and so long as you listen to your body, the two of you can start it from there.

And it gets easier to balance the forge and child rearing. While the baby isn't allowed close to the open heat/flame until they fully understand why they must be careful (and until their lungs are developed), you and Dammon create a small swing/play area nearby.

[valeriianz]

For the fic writer asks:

4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES

5. Did you outline it?

7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?

25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share

omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!

4: Rambling about research!

do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?

man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.

there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.

once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."

(it means "get ahead.")

the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.

5: Did you outline the fic?

(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)

i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.

but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!

7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?

i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.

25: Share your favorite line

oh god, i have so many haha.

“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao

“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4

"His majesty is pleased." ch.5

“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7

“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11

“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11

“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14

26: Share your favorite detail

how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.

Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).

Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3

Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao

and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.

27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story

i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:

Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.

this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).

all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.

Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.

Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.

as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).

also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”

fic writer asks

[starlitprism]

GMing and Cooperation

So you're probably thinking "oh like a tabletop game. Cooperating. Telling a story together" and you're right! Sorta. We're getting more specific than that. I am going to start by posing a question. When does character creation end? Does it ever? Does it have to? Should it?

I don't know about most people but I am one of the people in my friend's group who is almost always the GM of her group. I like GMing. I love telling a story. I also sometimes want to let loose and not have to craft something from the ether for several others... but not completely.

See, I have a GM's love of creation and that means I have a really hard time, well, not creating. So I talk with my GM (another forever GM) and go over thing after thing after thing proposing ideas, giving my thoughts, sharing my character's current state of mind, and possible ways to take the character in the future. We're in near constant dialogue at least insofar as in between each session I bring up the character at least once or twice.

And some of you might ask why? Don't I want mystery? Don't I want to be surprised? YES. I live for it actually. Curiosity is one of my primary motivators as a player. Few things will invest me more than a mystery to delve into (the other way being excessive emotional and consensual stabbings of myself during the game in the form of shit happening to or around my character). And this need not get rid of ALL mystery! The other reason being I literally told my GM to "make me bleed" and then point out the various ways she could emotionally stab my character and myself. It's very helpful

Not all GMs want to talk this much I imagine. To have a player so involved but I want to advocate for it anyway. It's a cooperation between the player and the GM to craft a story. Maybe you don't know the ending but sometimes it's ok to know a few story beats. It removes some of the pressure from the game master or whatever your term is and instead, you give something to them. A tool. An outline. Jolly cooperation at its best.

Hell, most recently my character started planning for a party for example (see here: https://www.tumblr.com/starlitprism/757035153048715264/me-to-my-gm-ok-my-character-is-prepping-for?source=share )

Now I could have left this stuff up to the GM but I didn't. I came back with a party playlist, party games (mechanics included), and a guest list. I largely just built it all for her. Because my character was making it. Why shouldn't it have my touch all over the damn thing? PLUS it let said GM focus on my oncoming possible demise (and the demise of the multiverse. Not my fault). I admit this blog post is less an argument for this as much as examples of it working but I wanted to write it anyway as a sort of recommendation to try it. To talk to whoever is running your game and ask them "do you want to work together?" It will make it easier on them and will let you have more say assuming it is agreed upon.

A tabletop game is not somewhere where one person runs the show and the rest are there to passively watch. No. It's collaborative storytelling. So why not collaborate? And who knows, maybe you'll bottle some lightning together

And no I don't expect this to be entirely new. I just want to share something that has brought me SO much joy for so long.

[forfuckssakejim]

Bring fucking depressed and in the medical field is wild. Like. I literally take care of people and tell them to do basic things but I can’t make myself do it.

I have no problem convincing my patients to get in the shower but I’ve been procrastinating for the last few days and even doing so now.

Taking medication? Fucking difficult.

Doing basic hygiene? Nah, never heard of her.

Like. I had built up my plans for today to do more stuff around the house and make appoints now that I finally have insurance again and fill out my planner for the month.

The most I did today was buy groceries, cook, and do some loads of laundry.

But that’s a win! I went food shopping! I cooked two meals today! And I meal prepped so I have food for work for the weekend. I did like. 4 loads of laundry and folded 90% of the stuff that I’ve done all week.

But it’s so hard to accept the win because there’s still so much I didn’t do. Didn’t call my doctor. Didn’t look for a new chiropractor. Didn’t do a lot of the things I wanted.

But I did stuff.

And I hate that I feel like I’m not doing enough because I really am trying my hardest and this existence with depression is really not the kind of life I want to live and I hate it.

I still need to shower.

[grapementos]

roots

aged up kirishima x gn reader

based on this tt.

you couldn’t remember when it started, but you knew exactly how.

you’d invited bakugo over for your weekly cooking sesh, but this time around he’d asked to bring kirishima with him. of course, you didn’t mind, so within 20 minutes, they’d both arrived.

after you and bakugo prepped a meal and kirishima sat on the counter, sharing a story about something kaminari had done earlier that week, you all sat down in your living room to eat and watch a movie.

kirishima sat on the floor to be closer to your coffee table, directly in front of your spot on the couch.

after a bit of banter over what movie to watch, silence fell over the three of you.

-

once you finished your food, leaned over to put your plate on the coffee table. once you leaned back, you were able to see how much kirishima’s roots had grown out. the black was a little over half an inch grown, a stark contrast against his signature red.

“you need to touch up your roots, kiri.” you chuckled, tapping the top of his head, “since when do you let them grow out this much?”

he looked up, fingering a strand of his hair, “i can never get my roots right. it’s a pain doing it by myself, so i guess i’ve kinda just let it go.” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

you looked over at bakugo, grinning.

“nope. no way. i can’t stand the smell of bleach.” he shook his head, “not to mention that stuff kills your brain cells.”

you scoffed, “fine. since katsuki doesn’t want to lose his last brain cell, i don’t mind helping you touch it up.”

kirishima grinned, turning to look back at you, “really? here? i don’t want to stain your tub or anything.. the red i use is permanent and super potent.”

“dont worry about it.” you brushed it off, making a shooing motion at bakugo, “since you’re not gonna help, can you at least run down to the beauty store and get what we need?”

he looked around, as if you weren’t talking to him, “do i have ‘bitch’ written across my forehead or something?”

despite his grumbles, he grabbed his keys and stomped out the door. kirishima sent him a photo of everything he needed and, before you knew it, the two of you were setting up in the restroom, a speaker set up on your restroom counter.

bakugo came back within a half hour and dropped off everything you needed and then left, insisting he had to get home and that it was past his bed time.

and so it began—one night turned into every sixth sunday, kirishima turned into ejiro, and your pillows and tub turned a light shade of red.

-

after two years, the two of you had settled into a content rhythm. kirishima became a person that you found you couldn’t live without. he knew some of the most personal things about you, what made you laugh, cry, smile, he knew you. and you him.

this sunday, kirishima showed up right on time, this time with snacks in one hand, dye and bleach in the other.

“i come bearing snacks!”

you laughed, “hey. sleeping over again?”

that was another thing—he’d began staying the night half a year into your arrangement, though he’d slept in your guest room.

“yeah, ‘course. by the time we finish, there’s no way i’m gonna drive all the way home.”

you closed the door behind him and walked to the bathroom, “as if you don’t live three blocks away.”

“don’t know what you’re talking about.” he sing-songed, putting the food in either the fridge or pantry.

“uh-huh. come get your ass in this chair before i change my mind.” you called, setting up the speaker to your usual station.

he chuckled and walked into the restroom, handing you the bag of materials and plopping down on the chair.

he spun around a few times, grabbing one of the brushes off your sink and singing a horrible rendition of never gonna give you up.

you snatched the brush from him, bopping him gently on the head, “if you’re gonna sing, at least sing the song that’s playing.”

you started mixing the bleach, pulling on some gloves. you were practically nose blind to the scent by now, so it didn’t bother you much.

kirishima was scrolling through his phone as you started brushing his hair, sectioning it with clips to get better access to the roots.

with a determined breath, you started bleaching his roots. your tongue poked out in concentration, eyes focused on every brushstroke.

after you completed every section, you finally looked up, dropping the dry brush into the bowl.

once you looked up, however, you saw that kirishima was already looking at you, a small smile on his face.

“what? did i get bleach on my face?”

he laughed and shook his head, “no.”

“then what?”

“nothing. you’re just super.. focused. in the zone.”

you rolled your eyes, “duh. i don’t wanna mess up your hair.”

he just laughed, looking back down at his phone.

you threw your gloves into the trash, “want anything from the kitchen?”

“taiyaki please.”

you retrieved both the taiyaki and new pair of gloves from the kitchen, setting a timer for his hair to process.

“mm,” he mumbled through bites, “i was thinking-”

“dangerous.”

“-shut up- i was thinking, hey, we’ve been doing this for a long time, and you don’t really, like, benefit from it at all.”

“not true.” you quirked a brow, “i get to gossip, laugh, and jam with my best friend.”

“i thought katsuki was your best friend.”

“shh.” you put a finger over your lips, “he’s been demoted.”

he laughed, a light pink dusting his cheeks, “ha, yeah, i won’t tell him. don’t worry.”

you could tell by the way his smile faltered that he didn’t completely believe you, so you squeezed his shoulder, “really, ei. i love spending time with you.”

you offered him a smile and then poked his cheek, “plus, your hair would either be all jacked up or you’d be paying $200 a month to get your hair done.”

his lips quirked back up into a smile, and he looked back down at his phone, “yeah. i like spending time with you too.”

after the timer went off, you grabbed some of his clothes from the guest room—he had a mini wardrobe at this point. you brought his clothes and a black towel to the bathroom, setting it on the sink.

“wash it off, and don’t get it in your eyes again. i’m not taking you to the hospital for slipping and falling for the third time.”

—

eventually, he washed the bleach out. you dried it with your blow drier, only to get right onto the red dye. again, he showered, blow dried, and at last, you were finished.

he grinned once his his hair was poofy and beautifully red.

you smiled through a yawn, leaning back against the wall, “looks great. now, if you don’t mind, i’m gonna shower. out.”

he chuckled and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

you showered quickly and gratefully, so glad to be done with kirishima’s hair. the red stains on the floor made you smile and reminisce over all the good times you’d shared.

once you were finally out and done reminiscing, you changed into some clothes to sleep in and stepped out of the restroom to see kirishima laying on your bed.

you sat on your side, drying out the rest of your hair.

“you tired?”

“yeah, a little. you?” he mumbled, dropping his phone down onto the bed.

“yeah.”

neither of you moved, your eyes flitting over to his still form. his hair looked great, and his eyes were half-lidded and heavy with sleep.

you laid on your stomach with your head towards him, chuckling, “there’s a stain on your forehead.”

you rubbed the red spot on his hairline with your thumb, brushing his hair back behind his ears to see if there were anymore stains.

his eyes were wide and set on you, scanning up and down your face, “oh?”

“yeah, my bad. to be fair though, you move a lot.” you rubbed the stain, but it didn’t budge, “it’s not coming off, guess you’ll just have to scrub it hard tomorrow.”

you finally met his eyes, cheeks growing warm as you realized he was looking right at you.

“uh—um, im pretty tired. maybe we should go to bed.” you suggested after a few beats, pushing yourself back up into a sitting position.

he agreed quickly, fake coughing as he stood up from your bed, “yeah—yeah, me too. i’ll, uh, i’ll see you tomorrow. g’night.”

with an awkward wave, he hobbled out of your room and into the guest room, leaving you with a racing heart.

after you were sure he was gone, you quickly turned off the light, burying yourself under the covers.

what was that feeling? why was your chest so warm and stomach so tingly?

you thought “butterflies in the stomach” was just a figure of speech.

you slapped your cheeks with your hands, shaking your head. no, you were not about to ruin the closest friendship you had.

after reaching your decision, you decided you were going to sleep it off. yeah. you’d be clear-headed tomorrow.

unfortunately, your brain and body and other plans. instead of sleep, all you could do was stare up at the ceiling. you tossed and turned for naught, unable to get comfortable enough to sleep.

with a groan, you got up, deciding to grab something to drink to possibly help you sleep. maybe tea.

as you slipped on some house shoes, you trudged into the kitchen. just as you entered, you found kirishima already leaning against the counter eating something.

“oh my god, you scared the shit out of me,” you panted, hand over your heart, “what’re you doing awake?”

“what’re you doing awake?”

“couldn’t sleep,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes at his deflection, “same for you? or is it just your insatiable hunger?”

“couldn’t sleep.”

you nodded, grabbing a kettle and two teacups.

“i don’t sleep well most of the time.” he admitted, “i don’t know why.”

“insomnia?” you suggested, “have you tried melatonin?”

“yeah, doesn’t work.”

“when i can’t sleep, it’s usually ‘cause i’m too cold. hugging something usually works. a pillow, stuffed animal if that’s your thing.”

“yeah?” he chuckled, “maybe that’s why i sleep so well when kami’s over. he clings, my god.”

you laughed, biting your lip in contemplation.

“do you…” you started, back to him, “maybe wanna sleep in my bed? see if it helps?”

his neck almost broke with how quickly he turned to look at you, “like, with you?”

“god, don’t make it weird,” you crossed your arms, turning to face him, “it was just a suggestion.”

he coughed, roughly swallowing a piece of whatever he was eating, “sorry—uh, sorry. i, uh, i would like that.”

you nodded, abandoning the tea and kettle, “okay, well, finish your food and bring your pillow. i’ll be in the room.”

you walked back to your room, a giddy feeling rising in your chest. oh god. why did you do that? you made it weird. he’s going to think your weird.

you laid down on your side, scooting your pillow over and anxiously awaiting his presence.

after what seemed like forever, he nervously shuffled into the room, dropping red-tinted pillow down next to yours.

“do i just…?”

“lay down, weirdo. i don’t bite.” you chuckled, scooting under the blanket.

he laid down next to you hesitantly, turning to face you.

you looked his way, smiling, “better?”

“uh, i can’t tell.” his smile was a little crooked and didn’t reach his eyes.

your heart was pounding, going crazy in your chest—you had no idea how your voice was steady. or how you were able to smile and be so calm. maybe because it was kirishima—the kirishima that made you feel safe, secure, and happy. one of, if not your favorite, person. you loved him, so, so much, and in so many ways.

you looked into his eyes, suddenly realizing just how close the two of you were. were his eyelashes always so long? had his eyes always been so red? the color of love, you thought.

he was looking at you too, searching your eyes for something, but you couldn’t tell what. he was searching desperately, almost begging to find something unbeknownst to you.

you shuddered, suddenly vulnerable, but in the best way. you trusted kirishima with your vulnerabilities, because he’d embraced every single one of them.

he was so amazing. so perfect, so loving. why hadn’t you seen it before?

he was just so..

“beautiful.”

you both breathed out at the same time, fiery blushes engulfing both of your faces.

“fuck—fuck, i’m sorry.” he jerked back, as if he’d been burned, “i’ll go—”

with a rush of courage, you grabbed his face, sealing every one of your once-forbidden thoughts with a kiss.

it was everything you’d ever wanted in a kiss—loving, safe, and most of all, from the person you loved. it was as if the stars aligned, shoving the two of you together at last.

when you finally came to your senses and reluctantly ended the blissful exchange, you leaned your forehead against his, “i love you.”

you didn’t let him speak, grabbing his hands tightly because you needed him to hear you, “i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.”

he wrapped you in his arms, squeezing you oh so tight, “i love you. i love the way you dye my hair, i love listening to music with you, i love leaving pieces of me here because i can’t live without you.”

you buried your face into his shoulder, wishing you could somehow get closer to him, “stay with me. not just every sixth sunday. stay with me.” you pleaded, wrapping your arms around him, “my tub, my towels, my pillowcases, they all look so much better with your red. i need your red.”

“then it’s yours.”

-

BONUS: after you’d both settled your emotions, more kisses were exchanged, relationships were established, and you were both unbelievably happy, there was still the issue of needing sleep.

“so what was that thing you said about holding things?” he mumbled sleepily, tracing hearts onto your back.

you chuckled, suddenly getting an idea, “turn around.”

“but i don’t wanna let you go.”

“trust me, turn around.”

he groaned, reluctantly letting you go and facing the other way.

you grinned and wrapped your arms around him from behind, pulling him close to your chest, “how’s this?���

“are you seriously big spooning me right now?”

“what, you don’t like it?”

“i love it.” he mumbled, resting his hands on top of yours, “i love you.”

“i love you.”

[jewishconvertthings]

Hi! So, I’m a fictive in a plural system. The body is halachally Jewish by reform standards (patrilinear) but in exomemories, my family was WASP-y as hell. I’m reasonably sure I need to go through the process to convert and I consider myself a Jew in progress, however, I’ve got absolutely no idea how to explain the situation to a rabbi. I actually tried reaching out over email to one at the shul we half heartedly attend, but I didn’t get an answer. I’m not sure if it ended up in spam somehow or if he did see it and thought I was fucking with him or crazy. Or both. I don’t have any guarantees I’ll be in the system forever, though I’ve been here for like three years now. Is it worth trying again? The shul is Reform and super chill with LGBT stuff, but I don’t know what that means for the scarier neurodivergences.

Hi there!

So you are definitely not the first (and I doubt you'll be the last) person to ask about plurality and conversion to Judaism here. Because of that, I am giving a much more extensive answer that may exceed the scope of your question, because I want to be able to hopefully assist others with similar questions. Thank you in advance for your patience!

Here's the thing about being plural and conversion - you convert as a unit. Once the body is halachicly Jewish, that's it, you all are. Judaism is interesting in that we already canonically believe in (at least Jews) having multiple souls. Additionally, there is the mystical idea that the soul of every convert was at Sinai and therefore that when someone is driven to convert it's because they already had a Jewish soul. However, they still need to convert.

Why? Because Judaism is an embodied religion. It is very much about taking things that exist in the animal world and elevating them to sanctity through mitzvot. Every human and animal pees, but Jews say a bracha afterwards because we are grateful that our body's innards are working correctly enough to make that possible. Every human and animal eats, but Jews keep kosher and say brachot to sanctify what goes into our bodies. Judaism even has mitzvot related to married couples' conduct with their spouse, especially in relationship to menstruation. For as much as Judaism believes in souls, it equally believes in grounding those souls in the earthly realm and therefore liberating the divine sparks of creation in the process.

Which is all to say: Judaism is also a group project. We are judged collectively as a nation on Rosh Hashana and repent as a nation on Yom Kippur. Even if you were a singlet, you would still need to consider carefully whether you were prepared to join in the collective project of mitzvot. People who have existing familial ties to others may find it more challenging to convert. What if your spouse or teenage children do not wish to convert with you? It is often still possible to convert (I did, and my spouse did not convert with me) but it requires at least some amount of buy-in support from those you live with and are permanently tied to, even if they are not directly joining you. My spouse, who again is not Jewish and did not convert with me, still knows at least as much about kashrut as I do because he does the vast majority of the cooking, he helps me clean and prep for Pesach every year, and he actually eats pesadik food with me every year so as not to bring chametz into the house. He helps me prepare the house for Shabbat and does not interfere with the setup, and works around my observance. It's a huge commitment from a gentile who does not believe in G-d and appreciates but does not wish to join the Jewish people.

Your system has to be on board. They just do. Because if/when you decide not to front or determine that it's time to move on or what-not, the body will still be halachicly Jewish and it will be up to those running it to determine how to act in light of that reality.

For what it's worth, I am very familiar with a system who converted, and I have learned about what their internal conversation was like beforehand. It was extensive! They operate like a family, and there are six of them. Two it was clear right away were dyed-in-the-wool Jewish and were they singlets, nothing could have stopped them from becoming observant Jews. (One probably would have tried to become a rebbetzin and the other would've become a gay yeshiva bochur. Alas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.) Two of them were people who would make excellent Jews, but probably also could've stayed excellent pagans. The fifth is very much a skeptic and the sixth was very much a Witch. The middle two were easy to sway after being exposed to queer-friendly Judaism. The fifth only agreed after understanding enough about Yiddish socialism and the history of Jewish leftism and secular culture that he realized he could very much appreciate yiddishkeit even if he didn't really believe in G-d (or if G-d is real, didn't really trust or like G-d given the state of the world.) He basically agreed that as long as he never had to do the davening or ritual mitzvot, he was cool with it.

The sixth acquiesced to the majority. She was very uneasy about making an eternal vow of any kind to any being, but especially one as powerful as the Almighty, and especially with something as complicated to follow as the mitzvot. She was reassured by the process of Yom Kippur to annul vows (Kol Nidrei) and to reset the slate through teshuva and collective forgiveness. She was also very nervous about the concept of tying one's fate to the collective fate of the Jewish people in terms of said agreement to keep the mitzvot. Her position was basically: You Don't Make Deals With Things You Can't See, and YES That Absolutely Includes Hashem. But! If the rest were going to insist on doing that anyway, well. They'd better be willing to hold by that Forever, even after death. How frum were they willing to be? After some further discussion (fifth alter's reluctance notwithstanding) they collectively agreed that they would agree to the mitzvot on the terms of the Conservative movement. The fifth alter agreed that he would not do anything to disrupt the others' observance even if he personally might have done differently as a secular/atheist Jew, e.g. watched TV on Shabbat or driven somewhere besides shul.

It's worth noting that I got this story because we are friends and that once they had full system buy-in, they decided for safety reasons *not* to discuss this particular wrinkle of psychology with their rabbis. Now, part of that decision was that that are a healthy system that works well together, has had extensive post-trauma therapy that *did* work with each alter individually as well as the system collectively, and were totally functional (after therapy) without any sort of psychiatric intervention. They were unwilling to jeopardize the relative safety from mental health institutions and their professional career by "coming out" about their plurality to anyone of authority in person or online. (I have obtained their collective permission to share this story as anonymized through myself as a third party to help other systems who are considering giyur.)

So to be clear, this is the advice I would offer as a layperson and as an informed friend.

**Major important reminder that I am not a rabbi or a mental health professional.**

Now, your situation is somewhat different from theirs, in that any conversion you make is going to be to solidify your halachic status as someone who is already Jewish in a major way and probably considered Jewish by the Reform movement already. They did not have previously existing ties to Judaism, whereas even if you do nothing, you will still be Jewish (even if not halachicly so by the traditional movements.)

I would recommend having a full system discussion. You want to figure out what your system, as a collective unit, needs, wants, and is willing to go along with. You will want, as part of this discussion, to do a major mental health and system balance analysis as well. How stable is your system? How functional are you as a group in the broader world? How healthy are your relationships to one another? Do you have trauma to unpack first? Need some type of therapeutic intervention? Do it now; do it first.

Then, if everyone is on board (enough) and working well together as a system, I would approach a rabbi to convert as a unit. It's up to you to determine how much, if anything, to disclose about your plurality to the Rabbi, so long as you can honestly tell him that you are [all] mentally well and stable. It is very possible to be a healthy system and/or to have long-term chronic mental illnesses while still being relatively stable and mentally well. Lots of people with well-managed mood disorders, personality disorders, developmental disorders, and even reality and dissociation disorders can and have converted. Judaism can truly be a place of peace and a shelter for the troubled. However, you must know yourself(/ves) well and you must be willing to seek professional help first or along the way if needed.

All of the plural stuff aside, I would recommend reaching out again after the high holidays and/or considering reaching out to a Conservative rabbi. The Reform movement may already consider you Jewish and therefore may not want to do a giyur l'chumra. The Conservative movement (much as I might personally disagree with it on this point) would not consider you halachicly Jewish and would be delighted to help you solidify your Jewish identity. If you ultimately decide not to convert but rather to reclaim and learn through the Reform movement, please know that you still have a place here. It's labeled as a gerische space, but the same types of resources and communities tend to help both gerim and reclaimants. We would be delighted to help you connect to your heritage and people and to support you doing so in a way that feels the most correct and appropriate to you.

Wishing you all the best in your exploration, a shana tova, and a meaningful Yom Kippur if you are observing it!

[mcromwell]

Hello! I have been following your art for awhile now- I just had to refollow because Tumblr is a webbed site. If this is rude to say, ignore it, but I find your pieces inspiried! They truly are so cool. It got me to get a set of caran d' ache water soluble pastels myself! I have been hitting a bit of an art block lately, and I wanted to try something different than what I have been doing.

I just have a question about what you draw/paint ON. I see a lot of what you are describing as reclaimed support - what is it and how/where do you get that? It is wood correct? Is it a specific type of wood? Is there any specific way to prepare it for painting?

Thank you for taking the time for reading!

Hello there! Thanks for your ask! I'm really glad you're inspired and trying new things, and with my favorite art toy, no less. The wax pastels are truly a joy to work with. Like the crayon of my childhood dreams.

I typically paint on scrap wood. I will scavenge plywood, old shelves, lumber, furniture panels, flooring, etc. and prep them for painting. Part of my personal set of values I try to live by is to buy as little new things as possible and that counts for art stuff, too. I have a video about how I like to prep scrap wood here: https://youtu.be/9Ni8aIgB7F4?si=fBAaaB1fSWQC4bfS

Lately my friend and fellow artist Sasha reminded me that mounting paper on the scrap wood is also a thing! So I've been doing a bit of that lately, too, and it has been really nice for pastels and colored pencils. (I mount paper usually with Nori paste and/or matte acrylic medium.)

When I use words like "support" instead of scrap wood, sometimes that's just shorthand for "an archival panel of indeterminate material", such as my stash of 12"x16" PVC panels I got from a fellow art supply hoarder friend. It's strange to say "mixed media on plastic sign material" because that... doesn't necessarily bring up a clear idea...? But yeah, a lot (like the heron series) are done on sanded and gesso'd PVC panels that were once intended for outdoor signage.

Salvaging your own surfaces takes more time and work, but costs barely anything. It works with my rough and natural aesthetic so I lean into the wood's imperfections. Look, this one even has a hole in it! And you can see the grain and the pop-and-lock groove on the left. This was a piece of cedar flooring.

Boy he's a sad little guy isn't he

tl;dr I paint on flat sturdy things likely to last a long time. If you can sand, gesso, and attach wire hanging hardware to the back-- you're good. Go nuts.

[asher-agere]

I should start using a sign off for these.. for the sake of simplicity maybe. I shall now morph myself into -🌙 anon yippeeeee

that aside, in regards to the alt close game offline hc list it got me thinking about smthn.. cg honami who finds herself needing to look after a very small and distressed nene since Toya isn’t available atm

-🌙

Another identified Anon! Happy to hear from you 🌙! And I can totally do that! Since it’s related to a past post I already have the dynamics in mind and everything hehe

Caregiver Honami + Little Nene Wanting Caregiver Toya

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

✿ Most of the time Nene goes to Toya. She loves Honami a whole bunch of course! It’s just that Nene’s favorite thing to do is play games! Or watch someone play games. And Toya is really good at that! So obviously she goes to Toya more. Which leads to her being more reliant and attached to Toya. So when Toya isn’t available… Poor little one gets very stressed out very quickly

𐙚 If Nene ends up regressing when Toya is busy at first she’ll just whine really loudly to try and get attention. Moving and talking are really hard… Eventually Honami finds her of course! Honami will walk in and scoop the baby into her arms, softly cooing at her and bouncing her, trying to calm her down and figure out what the issue is. But that’s not what Nene wants! Where’s Toya? She’ll be looking over Honami’s shoulder trying to find her gaming caregiver. When she can’t find him she starts crying ( ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

✿ Honami is able to figure out the problem pretty quick, and she’s onto trying to soothe the little one! Honami always has snacks ready, so she’ll walk into the kitchen and put a bottle of milk she already had prepped into the microwave, she’ll offer Nene little treats like cookies or muffins! But usually Nene won’t take any if she’s upset. But that’s ok! Soon enough the milk will be nice and warm for Honami to feed to the baby! Happy times!

𐙚 Even once Honami manages to calm Nene down, baby still wants to play games! The solution depends on her headspace age! If she’s a bigger toddler-like age then Honami will happily hold the little one in her lap, watching as Nene plays and praising her for her skills! If Nene feels too small to do that though Honami will try a game! Usually something very calm. Nothing at all with combat or stress… Just a slow paced peaceful game. And Nene gets to watch!

✿ Sometimes neither of them really wants to play games though, so they can watch play throughs! Honami doesn’t really get it, but she’s happy to coo at Nene’s reactions! Nene just gets so excited watching people play these games that she loves! Plus sometimes the people she’s watching play don’t know the tricks that she does hehe, makes her feel super duper smart! And Honami’s praise only makes her feel even better!

𐙚 Sometimes Honami will have stuff ready to bake when Nene is regressed! Mostly Nene just likes to watch, so they usually bake when Nene is a sleepy baby. That way she can also sleep through the baking time! But Honami has a bunch of game themed cookie cutters! Controller shaped ones, items from games, things that get Nene really excited! Honami will hold the baby while she bakes, then lay Nene down for her nap as the cookies go into the oven. Then by the time Nene wakes up the cookies are all cooled and ready to eat!

✿ Toya has definitely won a bunch of plushies for Nene from claw machines! So when Nene is missing him Honami brings them all out! Surrounding Nene in things that remind her of Toya! All the plushies Toya won for her, giving her one of Toya’s hoodies… It feels like being wrapped in a nice warm hug from him! It makes Nene very comfortable and happy overall. Once she gets to recharge surrounded by her Toya stuff she wants hugs from Honami though! After all she will loves both of her caregivers

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

I don’t think these two have interacted much in canon? But after my last post about them it was pretty easy to piece things together! Have a wonderful day/night to everyone!

[brimarie0512]

Stray kids fanfic ot8 series part nine

Slow burn

WC: 4.7k (4,774)

There are pov switches, female reader, use of y/n, nicknames

Warnings: Mentions of food, mentions of period, smut

Summery: After discovering you have your period Lee know takes care of you and Han switches his plans so you can still have date night.

(So sorry this is late I was busy prepping food and spending the day with my family for thanksgiving and then I went on the “walk” and got a little too high and fell asleep)

Chapter Nine “Jisungs Date”

Y/n’s pov

I woke up snuggled in Chan’s arms like always. I am really getting used to this. I made my way out of his arms because I had to pee. I made my way to the bathroom and when I sat on the toilet I looked down and saw blood. Fuck I got my period I thought to myself.. I cleaned myself up and took a shower. By the time I was out of the shower Chan was awake. I got dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt.

“Good morning doll, how did you sleep?” He asked as I approached him.

“Good, how did you sleep Channie?” I asked back, holding onto his hands.

“I always sleep well with you in my arms.”

“I'm glad,” I said smiling. “Hey Chan, I need to go to the store. Do you think the driver would bring me?” I asked.

“Of course, doll. Is everything okay?” He asked me.

“Yeah it's just I woke up with my period and I don't have anything here.” I said kind of embarrassed

“Oh doll it's okay, do you want me to go with you?” He asked sweetly, gently squeezing my hands.

“No it's okay but thank you Channie.” I said.

“Okay well at least let me walk you to the car.”

“Okay, I would like that.”

Chan stood up and just threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading out of the room. We went into the kitchen where Lee Know was standing by the door with his shoes and jacket on.

“Minho where are you going?” Chan asked.

“Oh I have to go to the store, we need some stuff for the house.” He responded.

“Oh well, can you take y/n with you? She needs to get some stuff too.” Chan said not explaining further for your sake.

“Yeah no problem, come on love.” Lee Know said motioning to me

I put on my shoes and jacket and joined him in leaving. When we got into the car it was quiet at first. Lee Know doesn't seem to hate me anymore, in fact he and I get along pretty well now. However this was our first time alone without at least one of the other members around.

“So what do you need at the store? I could have just grabbed it for you.”

“Oh it's nothing, it's um personal and too difficult to explain.” I said ending the conversation.

I have never really liked talking about my period even being a girl it still makes me uncomfortable. I just have blood gushing out of me and I am in pain for seven days. Who would want to talk about that? Certainly not me. I do feel bad shutting out Minho but I am already in pain and it's only going to get worse. Soon enough we were at the store. I tried to go my own way but Lee Know would not allow it pulling me to his side by my arm. First he dragged me along to get the stuff needed for the house. It mostly consisted of food and snacks, some stuff like toothpaste and paper towels. When he was done he looked at me to lead the way.

“Go ahead love, get what you need. I will come with you just lead the way.” He said sweetly.

He was trying to be sweet but I hated this. However there was no way out of it he would see what I bought at the cash register or in the car anyways so I just started walking. First I went to get some pain relief because my periods are brutal. Then I went to the dreaded period section. I took a moment scanning the shelves before I picked my normal brand of pads and tampons. I put them in the cart looking embarrassed and sad. I just want this to be over so I can go back to Chan’s room and lay down.

“Hey there's no reason to look like that love. We are all adults and we know what you go through as a woman. Come on, let's go check out.” Lee Know said leading the way again but this time he held my hand as we walked.

We made our way to the cash register. Before I could even protest Minho put my things with his.

“Minho, I can buy my own stuff.” I said, trying to separate it.

“Oh hush I got it please let me.” He said pleading while taking my things back into his hands.

“Okay fine. Thank you.” I said, giving him a smile.

We left the store and Lee Know put the groceries in the car. When he got in he sat right next to me and took my hand to hold it in his. It was comforting so I leaned in and placed my head on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “I know for some people it can be a really bad time of the month.”

“Right now it's not too bad but it does get worse as the days go on. I just hate it because it makes me feel gross.”

“You don't need to feel that way, it's a normal human function love.”

“I know it's just icky to be bleeding for seven days. I just personally don't like the feeling of it”

“That's reasonable love, I never thought about it that way, no wonder you don't want to talk about it, it seems like an uncomfortable time.” he said before kissing the top of my head.

Minho and I may have had a rough start but he's really nice now and this is so comforting. Soon the car pulled up to the dorms.

“Go upstairs and relax in Chan’s room. I will bring the groceries up and I will bring you all of your stuff.” He said sweetly.

“Minho you don't have to do that, I can still help.” I said in protest.

“I know you can but I won't let you, now go. I will be right up love.” He said, smiling at me.

“Okay Min thank you.” And with that I went upstairs.

When I walked in Han and Felix were on the couch together.

“Hey sunshine, just so you know Chan went to the gym with Changbin.” Felix said from the couch.

“Thank you, I am going to relax in his room.” I said back.

I left them and went back into Chan’s room and just laid on his bed. I put on twilight in the background to watch once I had my things and felt better.

Lee Know’s pov

Once y/n walked upstairs I started grabbing the groceries. I carried them upstairs and placed them all in the kitchen. I took a moment to find her things and put them into a separated bag. I started walking towards Chan’s room.

“Hey Minho, where are you going?” Asked Han from the couch.

“I will be right back, I just have to bring this to y/n.”

“Okay.”

With that I made my way to Chan’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in” Y/n answered from the other side so I opened the door.

“Hey here's your things. I hope they help and you can feel better.” I said, handing her the bag.

“Thank you Minho, I really appreciate it.” She said, taking the bag.

“Of course love. Why don't you rest, I'll leave you be.”

“Thank you, again.” She said before I walked out.

I went back into the kitchen and started putting everything else away. I decided y/n had to eat since she had not yet today. I started making some homemade tomato soup and when it was almost finished I started to make her a grilled cheese as well. I put the soup in the bowl and the grilled cheese on a plate and put some of y/n’s favorite chips on the side. I also got her a ginger ale and put it all on a tray before making my way back to Chan’s room. I knocked once again and when I did not hear an answer I slowly opened the door. Y/n was asleep so I placed the tray down on Chan’s desk before making my way to the side of the bed that she was on.

“Y/n love, hey you have to eat something please. I made you some food.” I said, trying to wake her up.

“Oh hey Minho. Thank you but you didn't have to do that.” she said as she started sitting up.

“It's important for you to eat and take care of yourself especially right now.” I said as I started walking back to Chan’s desk to get the tray of food.

“Minho, this looks and smells amazing. Thank you so much.” She said as I placed the tray on her lap.

“You deserve it love, I hope you like it” I said as I started to turn away to walk out

“Hey um Minho, could you maybe stay with me?” She asked in the sweetest yet shy voice.

“Of course love. I would be happy too.” I said, turning back to join her on the bed.

As I approached she lifted the blanket for me to climb under. The movie she was playing was still on in the background but I don't recognize it.

“What's this movie?” I asked, turning to face her.

“It's twilight. Wait, have you never seen twilight!?” She asked in shock.

“Sorry love, I can't say that I have.”

“Omg I am starting it over, you're missing out on a masterpiece it is like my number one comfort movie.” She said, grabbing the remote excitedly and rewinding it.

With that she started it over and began eating the food I made for her.

“Minho, this is amazing. Thank you for doing this for me.” She said, smiling widely.

“I am glad you like it love, and there is no need to thank me.”

She dunked the grilled cheese in the soup and then held it out in front of me.

“Go on, take a bite. The chief deserves to try his masterpiece too.” She said, still holding the food out in front of my face, her hand under it in case anything dripped.

She insisted I try it so I took a bite as she held it in front of me.

“That is really good.” I said covering my mouth while I talked.

“Told you!” She said, going back to eating the food herself.

Everyonce in a while she would reach over giving me a bite and she would not take no as an answer. Soon the food was finished so she placed the tray on the bed side table next to her and then she cuddled into my side. She was really comforting and it felt nice even if she was a new person. We watched twilight and as it played I noticed she fell asleep once again but this time in my arms. I kept watching the movie she had on and it wasn't great but it was still entertaining. As the end credits were rolling Chan came into his room to see me cuddling with y/n.

“Oh hey, I didn't expect you to be in here.” Chan said whispering not to wake up y/n.

“Yeah I brought her food while she was sleeping and once I got her awake she didn't want me to leave, sorry Chan.”

“No, it's okay. I am glad you were able to be there for her. It's bad isn't it. Is she in a lot of pain?”

“She said it's not too bad today but that it gets worse.”

“That makes sense. Do you want to stay here with her?” Chan asked me.

“Chan you don't have to say that I can go.” I said starting to try to get up but y/n moved and held me tighter.

“Well even though she's asleep it looks like she wants you here.” Chan said, laughing slightly. “Well move over, I am joining.”

“Okay Chan” I said while moving closer to y/n while Chan laid on the other side of me keeping me in the middle.

“I am glad you two are getting along now.” He said wrapping his arm around my shoulder

“Me too Chan, I am glad she gave me a second and well I guess third chance. I never wanted to upset her, I just wanted to keep you guys safe.”

“I know and I thank you for that but I think she's good for us and I really love her.”

“You love her?” I asked Chan in shock.

“Yeah I uh actually told her last night and she said she loves me too. I am really happy Min, I am glad we found her.”

“I am glad we found her too. I actually do like her a lot.” I said back.

“I'm happy. So what are we watching?” Chan asked.

“Uh, this movie is called twilight. She said it's her favorite comfort movie.”

“Oh I know about these because of Hannah.” Chan said.

“Really? Y/n and Hannah would probably get along then.” I said back.

“Yeah, maybe I can take y/n to meet her one day.”

“Yeah maybe” I said, snuggling myself in between Chan and y/n.

With that the next movie of the series started playing automatically. I tuned in and I actually liked it but soon with the comforting feeling of being in Chan’s arms and having y/n in mine I fell asleep.

Y/n’s pov

I hadn't even remembered falling asleep but when I woke up I was in Minho’s arms and he was asleep too. As I adjusted I realized Chan was behind Min too but he was awake.

“Hey doll. How are you doing?” Chan whispered over Minho.

“I am okay. Just feel sore but I am good. I don't even remember falling asleep.” I said laughing slightly.

Chan and I talked quietly for a few moments before Minho started stirring and waking up.

“Hey guys.” He said as he adjusted.

“Hey Min, thanks for staying with me. I'm sorry I fell asleep.”

“It's okay, no need to be sorry. I fell asleep too,” He said laughing

“Well thank you for taking care of me.” I said as I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Try that again, I think you missed” Min said laughing lightly.

So I did just that but kissed him on the lips this time. He held one side of my face while he deepened the kiss passionately. When we broke away we both laughed and looked at Chan who was just looking at us in shock.

“Awe Channie do you feel left out?” I said teasingly.

I leaned over Minho and kissed Chan now. When we broke Minho also gave him a kiss.

“I could get used to that.” Chan said, letting out a content sigh.

Minho and I nodded in agreement. After a few more minutes in bed together Min left to check on Han and Chan and I relaxed in bed the rest of the day.

Time skip

Y/n’s pov

It is now Wednesday, the day for Jisung and I’s date. I am in quite a lot of pain today. At this point all the guys have caught onto the fact that I am on my period and they have all been extra sweet. I decided to take some pain relief because I hope it will dull my pain. I did my normal morning routine taking a shower and eating breakfast with the boys but nothing was helping my pain.

“Are you still excited for tonight?” Han asked as we finished our breakfast.

“Han I was really looking forward to it but I don't think I can go out like this. I am in a lot of pain.” I said really upset. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Han and going on a date.

“Honey, don't worry about it. We don't need to go out. I will kick Lee Know out of the room for the night and we can watch movies and eat good food if you're okay with that.” He said, giving me his iconic smile.

“Really Jisung you would do that for me?” I said tearing up. My period was making me really emotional.

“Of course jagiya we don't need to do anything fancy, I just want to spend time with you.”

“Thank you Hannie, I am excited.”

“Perfect. Meet me in my room at seven, I will have everything ready.” He said bringing me into a hug.

Han’s pov

I was looking forward to taking y/n out tonight but I understand that she is in pain and I am still excited to spend time with her. Now I just have to set up and tell Minho he has to stay in someone else's room tonight. First I went into Minho and I’s room. I cleaned it up and put new sheets on the bed as well as a fuzzy comforter. I readjusted and fluffed the pillows. I hung up some fairy lights to set the mood. Minho walked in while I was cleaning the last part of the room.

“Wow Hannie I don't think I have ever seen this room look this good. What is the special occasion?” He asked.

“Well y/n is still in pain so she is going to come here tonight and we are going to watch movies and eat. And speaking of that I kinda need you to sleep in someone else's room. I want it to be just her and I tonight. I love you but I want to get to know her.”

“That is not a problem Han, dont worry about it, I hope tonight goes well. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Thank you so much Min but I think I have it covered. I really appreciate it. I love you so much.” I said walking over to him. I gave him a kiss.

He leaned in with a lot of passion. He kept one hand on my waist and the other on my cheek. He pressed into the kiss making me lean back but his hand on my waist kept me close. We broke away but he stayed close his mouth barley hovering over mine

“We should stop. I don't want to get more worked up than I am and I just changed the sheets.” I said breathing heavily but staying close to him.

“Just one more.” Minho said, leaning in again. He kept this kiss brief before breaking away.

“I wish we didn't have to stop but I want to be the best for y/n.” I said, sighing.

“It's okay we always have tomorrow Hannie, I love you.”

“I love you.” I said back as Lee Know left.

I went into the bathroom to deal with the new problem in my pants from Minho’s shenanigans and then I showered. When I got out I dried my hair and went to put on some comfy clothes. I threw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a white graphic t-shirt. I sat on the bed and ordered some food. I ordered ramen, kimchi-jjigae, and tteokbokki. I waited for the food and when it arrived I brought it into my room and grabbed us some chopsticks. I went into the kitchen to get some snacks as well. I made some popcorn and grabbed some chips, candy, and soda for us. It was nearly time for y/n to come to my room so I sat on my bed and waited.

Y/n’s pov

I got into some comfy clothes. Just a sage green tank top and a pair of black shorts. I made my way to Han’s room and knocked on the door. When he answered I saw how cute his room looked. He had the food set out and he had fairy lights hung up. He also looked adorable in his comfy clothes.

“Hey jagiya you look so good.” he said, bringing me in for a hug.

“So do you Hannie, and your room looks adorable and so cozy.”

“I did it just for you so I am glad you like it. Come sit we can pick out something to watch.” He said while motioning me to the bed. “What is one of your favorite movies?” He asked once we were on the bed.

“I really like Harry Potter.” I said smiling over at him.

“Ooh okay, lets watch those.” He said excitedly.

With that he took the remote and started playing the first movie. He brought over all the food he ordered as we both dug in, sharing everything. By the time we were done eating we were halfway through the first movie. We paused it to clean up but Han refused to let me help. When he returned he started the movie again and pulled the covers over us while we cuddled. He had one arm around my shoulders with my head on his chest. His other hand was just resting on my lower stomach and it honestly felt amazing and so comforting. Who knew the magic cure for cramps was cuddles and a resting hand. Once the first movie ended Han started the second and brought all the snacks onto the bed. We both favored the chips and candy, occasionally feeding pieces to one another. We also ended up throwing some popcorn pieces at each other playfully. At the end of the second movie Han once again got up to put the food in the kitchen. When he came back he started the third movie and we went back to cuddling.

“Thank you for all of this Hannie, it is amazing and just what I needed.” I said as I lifted my head to look into his eyes.

I admired his face. The slight blush on his cute round cheeks, the pure endearment in his eyes that sparkled under this lighting.

“Of course jagiya, anything for you.” He said adorning his sweet heart shaped smile

“Jisung, can I kiss you?” I asked.

“Please do.” He was suddenly needy and slightly breathless.

With that I leaned in bringing his lips to connect with mine. They were so soft and I could feel him smiling as we kissed. His hand left my lower stomach and went to hold onto my waist. I sat up more and swung my leg over his to straddle him. We stayed like this and only broke away to breathe for a few moments then we would go right back to making out. Jisung pulled away this time but he didn't come right back.

“Shit y/n we should stop for now.” Han said breathlessly, seeming irritated.

“I am sorry, this is probably too much for a first date huh, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” I said slightly embarrassed now. Something about my period just makes me insatiable.

“No it's not you.. It's um its me. It's really embarrassing but I am incredibly hard right now and I don't want that to be the impression I leave on our first date.” He said laughing lightly but I noticed his eyes shift away from me and how now his ears and cheeks were burning red.

That is when I noticed his hard member poking the inside of my thighs as I sat on top of him.

“Oh Hannie, Nothing to be embarrassed about, it's totally normal.” I said, giving him a smile “Do you want some help with that?” I asked and with that his eyes were back on me and wide with shock but a hint of lust.

“No jagiya you don't need to do that. I am okay, if it makes you uncomfortable I can like go take care of it real quick or we can just keep watching the movie and if you're uncomfortable you can leave, but fuck I really don't want you to leave” He said with a slight whine to his voice towards the end.

“Hannie I want to, please?” I said begging him while pouting my lips.

“Shit um okay only if you really want to.” He said frantically.

With that I went back to kissing him. It was different this time. It was rough and needy. I broke away and started sucking on his neck and he actually whined. I marked up his neck a bit before coming back up.

“Jisung, can we take this off?” I asked playing with his shirt.

“Yeah go ahead.” He said breathlessly.

He lifted off the bed slightly so I could remove his shirt. I continued my path down his body covering every inch with a kiss and stopping every once in a while to leave him with a dark mark. As I made my way towards the band of his pants I looked up at him but his eyes were closed with pleasure.

“Hannie,” I cooed “Do you want these off baby?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Fuck yeah, yes plese.” He said, finally opening his eyes to look at me.

He lifted his hips and I pulled down his sweatpants and boxers just enough for him to be freed. As I looked at the man in front of me I noticed how beautiful he looked like this. His honey skin covered with my marks and a slight sheen of sweat coating his body. The blush that was on his ear, cheeks, and chest slightly. And his dick wow. He was perfect in length and girth. He pulled me back up to him and we had another makeout session full of neediness from the both of us. I pulled away and made my way down his body once again. Once I reached his v-line where his pants were previously I left a few small pecks testing him slightly. He moaned and that is when I took his member in my mouth. It was slightly salty but so warm. I swirled my tongue around his tip a few times before slowly sinking my head down halfway. He slightly bucked up into my mouth when I stopped so I started bobbing my head up and down taking a bit more of him every time I went back down. One of his hands interlocked into my hair. Not pulling or pushing kind of just resting there. His other arm was behind his head and he looked down at me with half lidded eyes. I looked up at him as I took all of him in my mouth, my nose meeting his pelvis bone. This made him moan loudly and buck his hips up once again but this time he came down my throat. After a moment of helping him ride out his high I pulled off with a pop and looked up at him.

“Jagiya I am so sorry, your mouth was just so warm and perfect I couldn't last.”

“It's okay Hannie, I liked it.” I said licking my lips and giving him a reassuring smile.

He pulled me back up to him and engulfed me into a passionate kiss inserting his tongue into my mouth to taste himself. Something about that was so incredibly hot.

“That was so hot, thank you.”

“No need to thank me Han, I liked it too.” I said, smiling at him.

“Well next time it's all about you okay jagiya.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I said laughing slightly.

“I will be right back okay, why don't you get comfortable again.”

Han left the room for a moment. He came back cleaned up with sweatpants back on but he stayed shirtless and he had a cup.

“Here drink this, it's tea, it will help with your throat, trust me I know.” He said laughing as he handed me the cup and sat back in bed.

“Thank you Han.” I said, deciding not to question the last comment he made.

I drank the tea as Han and I stayed sitting up slightly in his bed. Once my cup was empty we laid down and went back to cuddling. This time he was laying on my chest, his cheek resting on my breasts. He fell asleep soon after and I just watched him. His mouth slightly parted, the way his cheeks look squished against my body, the way his hair falls over his face, his slight breaths. All around he looked perfect. I fell asleep listening to his small breaths and the slight background of the movie still playing.

Taglist: @strawberry31

[and-claudia]

His Heir pt. 27 (Darth Maul x pregnant reader)

IT IS FUCKING HAPPENING!!!! (What is "it" read and find out)

Masterlist

Taglist sign-up (From now on, when you sign up, you will receive a message from me either confirming that you are on the taglist or that you are not being added for not following my rules for being tagged. I have had multiple people check off that their age is posted on their page but when I go to check it is not, I WILL NOT TAG AGELESS BLOGS it's a personal preference and I really need y'all that aren't reading that part to read that and respect my decision on that)

Warnings: mentions of throwing up (yay), mentions of medical stuff

Word count: 1585

Waking up in Maul’s bed felt different now. It felt… nauseating? Shit. 

I quickly shoved Maul’s arms off of me and scrambled to get off of the bed. I was cursing the fact that he had such a massive bed. My frantic movements quickly woke him up. He could be heard behind me as I finally freed myself from the comforter and made it to the refresher. Maul followed in quickly behind me. I dropped to my knees and began to empty the contents of my stomach. It felt like it was taking every ounce of my energy away, and I gripped the sides of the seat for support. 

Maul has learned that if I was getting sick, I didn’t like to be crowded. I needed my space. Even if he wanted to be by my side for comfort, he knew better. So he stood over by the vanity, prepping a cool rag for once I was finished. Once it finally felt like nothing would come up, I sat back on my heels and let out a small groan as I lifted my head up. 

“Finished?” His voice didn’t hold any annoyance or disgust, he was just concerned. 

“Yeah… yeah, I think so…” I said nodding slowly before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. 

He walked over and handed me the rag to which I gave a small thanks. I wiped the sweat off my face and the back of my neck. Maul offered me his hand and I hesitated to take it. 

“Not yet.” I mumbled. 

Maul gave me a small frown and sat down with me, still giving me some space in case I got sick once again. I took a few more deep breaths and after I decided it was only nausea and I wasn’t going to actually throw up again I scooted closer to Maul. He immediately shifted to allow me to sit between his leg, my back to him, and lean back into him as his arms came to wrap around my middle loosely. I sighed and relaxed into him, turning my head to rest it against my shoulder, blocking out the light of the room. 

“I thought this was supposed to end after the first trimester.” I whined slightly. 

I had just entered week 19 of my pregnancy. I hadn’t gotten sick since week 16 almost and now it seems as though it has come back with vengeance. 

“I’m sorry dear.” Maul said, rubbing a hand up and down my side.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I spoke up again. 

“What time is it?” 

“Just about time to start getting ready.” 

I sighed. 

“If you want, we can just go to your appointment then I can bring you back here so you can rest for the day.” Maul offered.

I shook my head, “No, I need to keep working.” I insisted. 

“The only thing you need to do is keep yourself and our baby healthy.” He said back.

I knew he was right. Ever since the nausea came back work had been kicking my ass. But there was a lot to plan for. Maul and I were finding out the gender today but were going to keep it between us for a few weeks then host a banquet to announce it to everyone, Dasar had sent us the invitation to their wedding and so we were trying to figure out the logistics of that, it seemed like everyone was requesting meetings with Maul, it was just a lot. 

“Okay…” I finally sighed, sitting up so he could get off the floor and then help me get up as well. 

I got dressed and went to the kitchen where Maul had prepared a small breakfast for us. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’re appetite was still there, but you need to eat something at least.” He said. 

I nodded and grabbed a piece of toast off his plate. 

“Thank you.” 

After we ate we both finished getting ready for work before leaving for the day. We walked into Maul’s office before he lead me into mine and Qi’ra’s and over to my desk. 

“I’ll come to check on you around lunchtime, I have meetings until then. In the meantime, if your appetite comes back anymore try to eat something, okay?” Maul said as I sat down. 

I nodded, “I will.” I sighed as I leaned back into my chair more, grateful that Maul had gotten me a new one. 

He nodded before leaning over and pressing a kiss to my forehead.  

“I’ll see you later dear.” 

I turned in my chair and watched him walk out. 

“He’s quite affectionate today.” Qi’ra commented once he was through the door and it had closed behind him. 

“Yeah, I think he’s just excited about my appointment later today. We’re going to attempt to find out the gender, again.” I said as I turned on my datapad and began working on it. 

“I thought you guys already knew?” 

“We were supposed to find out a few weeks ago but the way they were positioned, the med droid couldn’t get a clear image. They’re quite stubborn, like their father.” I said with a small laugh. 

“So, if it’s not a boy, are you going to wait a while and try again?” She asked. 

I could tell her question was genuine but it still rubbed me the wrong way. I knew traditionally an heir is male, but if Maul and I were to have a daughter, she’d be just as good an heir as a son would be. It made me worry some if it were a girl, would she be accepted as well as a boy would be? 

“No, if it’s a girl she’d be his heir.” I said, slightly snappy.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that… He mentioned your appetite wasn’t there this morning. Is everything okay?” She asked, changing the subject.

“Morning sickness came back, and it came back strong.” I sighed, leaning back, one hand on my stomach, the other still holding my datapad. 

“Remind me to never have kids.” She said causing us both to laugh. 

The day passed without much more excitement. When Maul came to see me during lunch I informed him that my appetite had returned and that I was starving. So we each took a small break to go have lunch in his office. Then after that, it was back to work. The closer we got to my appointment though, the more anxious I got. 

I was in the middle of reviewing a report from a lower advisor when Maul walked in. 

“Are you ready, dear?” Maul’s voice caused me to jump slightly. 

“Shit! Don’t scare me like that!” I said, turning off the device. 

Maul stifled a laugh, “My apologies. Are you ready to head to the appointment?” 

“Yes, will you help me with my shoes?” I asked, seeing as I had slipped them off under my desk earlier.

He nodded and came over to help. 

“Lady Qi’ra, com me if anything happens.” He said, after he helped me stand up, I wasn’t to the point where I quite needed the help but it was appreciated nonetheless because I knew I would actually start needing it soon. 

“Yes, Lord Maul.” She said giving us a small nod as we walked out. 

I opted to hold Maul’s hand instead of his arm as we walked. I hadn’t realized quite how hard I was holding it either. 

“Are alright dear?” He asked. 

“Yes, nervous is all.” I reassured him as we walked into the medical unit. 

No one was there, Maul always made sure that my appointments were completely private. So we walked in and were taken straight back. They did all the necessary check-ups that needed to be done on me and the baby before beginning the actual scan. 

“Have they moved into a better position to tell what we're having?” I asked as the droid silently ran the probe across my belly. 

“Yes, I have a clear view now. Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” The droid asked. 

I looked to Maul, and he gave me a small nod. 

“Yes, please.” I said, squeezing Maul’s hand. 

“Congratulations, it’s a boy.” 

It took a second for the words to process. Suddenly everything felt so real. Maul and I weren’t just having a baby. I wasn’t just carrying his heir. We were going to have a son, our own little boy. 

“Leave us.” I heard Maul say to the droid, though it felt like he was far away. 

He cleaned off the gel from my stomach before helping me sit up. His hands came to cup my cheeks as he wiped away my tears with his thumbs. 

“A boy, Yn, we’re going to have a son.” He said, smiling brightly. 

I nodded and grabbed his hands mine to move them from my cheeks to my stomach. My hands rested on top of his as I looked up at him. 

“That’s our baby boy…” I smiled before leaning up to kiss him. 

He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. 

“I know… It feels a lot more real now, doesn’t it?” 

I nodded slightly. 

“We can’t tell anyone though. Not until the gala.” I said. 

“I won’t. We should get to planning that soon though.” 

“Yes, but let’s just celebrate tonight.” I asked smiling as he smirked back at me knowing exactly how I wanted to celebrate. 

A/N: I KNOW everyone LOVES Girl Dad! Maul but when I first had this concept I wanted him to have his son first to rectify the childhood that he never got as a boy.

A/N2: I already have a name picked out, but I want to hear y'all's theories on names

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