#bring a bunch of stone just in case. and bring a bunch of bombs.

[seltzer-tastes-pretty-good]

So, you wanna fight a god in a grove - GGG headcanons (will include some spoilers)

Because Great God Grove is my new fixation at the moment

Some headcanons on if you approached any of the gods in Great God Grove, and also how they'd respond to you actually trying it

Gonna be spoilers below the cut, just a heads up

Mitternacht:

If you say you're gonna do it: Might laugh you off, but also reprimand you on the subject. It's already poor form to pick on your elders, after all. You will also almost definitely get that "two of every animal on a boat" line from the main game as well

If you try it: First of all, shame on you. Second off, you're gonna be lifted up by the back of your shirt collar and gently placed down somewhere where you can sit in time out and think about what you tried to do. A dedicated god fighter might as well see results...and if they try it, they better like boats

Cobigail:

If you say you're gonna do it: Definitely gonna be the most enthusiastic about your efforts. You wanna try it, better give it all you got. She outnumbers you in arms and triples you in height. She's about to find out what a blood sacrifice is like, but she's gonna get it on her own...KIDDING! Well, she assumes you were just talking tough too

If you try it: Oh? You weren't kidding? Oh well. Gonna likely try to intimidate you away, still. That's more for your state than hers, though. As mentioned, she's huge and I'm pretty sure even a light bunch from any of those arms could prove fatal. Would likely humor you until she tires of it, then would casually toss you back into the schoolhouse from where you came from. Also prepare for mean/confused looks from onlookers thinking you were trying to threaten the harvest and several large roots popping up out of places to jumpscare you

Thespius

If you say you're gonna do it: Does he look like a guy who's ready to fight anything? He's gonna try and laugh you off at first, maybe question why you wanna do this? It's not like a mortal is getting anything out of this aside...bragging rights? In which case, congrats! You just beat up an all-powerful being that people were trying to look up too. You don't really come out of this, looking good

If you try it: Not even gonna throw a play-punch. All that's gonna happen is you get escorted from his cloud and likely not gonna be welcome back soon. Very common theme among these gods; more keen on just moving you someplace where you're not a danger to yourself

Click Clack

If you say you're gonna do it: then you're gonna get a long laugh out of them, followed by coming up with a humerous narrative on the subject. Will probably be the type to bring up that 'coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb' meme around you

"And spoiler alert" says Click Clack, "You're not the bomb in that scenario"

If you try it: You get hit on the head with that typewriter of theirs. Even then, just because their the smallest of the gods doesn't mean their not gonna be able to throw hands all the same. Hey, now that I think about it, fighting a god is probably a really bad idea

Bauhuazzo:

If you say you're gonna do it:

"No you're not." - Bauhazzo

If you try it: Have you ever tried fighting something made of solid stone? It's not gonna be an easy fight. He's going to wait until you get tired out, then, you guessed it, escort you out of his premises, and leave you to the judging angry looks of those in BuzzHuzz

Huzzlemug:

If you say you're gonna do it: This question honestly large depends on it's mood. It might shadow box with you for a bit to test your 'bravastrengusto', it might find your attempts to threaten someone like it hilarious, it might just up and tell you to "Leave." Bottom line, probably not gonna get serious

If you try it: ...that is, unless you throw the first punch. Like I said, it depends. You might get the 'get off my lawn' treatment (which you should be very used too by now), or you could get knocked out of BuzzHuzz altogether or, if Huzzle is sufficiently either angry or excited enough then, congratulations! This is the first god so far whom I'd think would actually genuinely fight you!

Inspekta

If you say you're gonna do it: Well, first of all, if they hear you say that, get ready to be jumped by any Bizzyboys in the vicinity for saying that. Second off, Inspekta will take it as a silly lil joke. He's not the type to be in-timid-dated by a mortal. Might also be the shadowboxing type, maybe throw a playpunch, but that's it

If you try it: Thankfully, Inspekta's the one god we do see fight. Granted, I doubt he was really out for blood, so we don't know what his full strength is like, but from what I seen, you probably ain't leaving much a scratch on the guy. Remember when I said Cobigail outnumbered you in hands to throw? Inspekta can do that, but literally. You probably ain't winning here

King

If you say you're gonna do it: Then congrats, you got a whole bunch of other gods mad at you, and Razzmatazz to boot. This is the main case where it's not the one you're threatening you need to worry about. King is very unlikely to try and humor the idea of hurting you, especially if you're just a high-strung/overly confident mortal

If you try it: You're gonna stop trying quick. King can settle the differences between gods, she can probably handle whatever's possessing you to challenge gods to fist fights

[althefox]

Squeezed my brain dry for this-

Up for any interpretations!

『••✎••』

Most people who I crossed with is shocked to see a pyromancer like me is still kicking in, travelling the world as if my class isn't stupidly dangerous and a bunch of reckless fools.

Usually, people asked me if I had gained immortality or what. But when I just showed them my weak fires and weak magical energy unlike my fellow pyromancer, they probably understood what is going on.

Because I'm weak, I tend to be careful instead. Minding the burns I will get and quickly try to fix it up. Unlike my fellow pyromancers, I have less burns that reminds us how our powers is just a fire that will swallow us whole until we die.

But even so... since a pyromancer is hailed as a ridiculously strong elemental sorcerer in a cost of destruction to the user, I am prone to people ridiculing me for being weak. Mocking me for being the fossil amongst other pyromancer.

... I don't mind. In fact, it's kind of funny.

As long as I could continue living my life safe and cautious, away from danger despite being an adventurer... I don't mind those degrading sentences.

I... don't...

( "A coward and a selfish crap like you have the audacity to show your damned face!?" )

A pyromancer... is a reckless bomb that will continue to detonate and destroy until all of its gunpowder's and fire is used up. And after then, only destruction is left to be remembered. The bomb serving as the bitter reminder of what caused all the ugly, barren terrains to look like that.

But even so... that bomb might've served as the victory of the other side.

( "A pyromancer is like a person who will not think twice to dance wildly and warm up your surroundings. Bringing comfort to those who had tamed their wild wills, but also leaving a lingering feeling of your surroundings burning." )

Maybe my mentor was right.

No matter how I look different than my fellow pyromancer, I'm still that reckless warrior who had suppressed my will to dance, following my logic to keep my feet rooted because that's what I think is good for me.

Yet even if that's the case, my heart longed for a dance until my feet gives up. Until my skin melts from the sweats and burning feeling of my muscles tearing apart. Until I let out my flames to the heavens above.

-

Water is the domain of the emotions. Air is the domain for the soul. Earth is the domain of the mind. And Fire... is the domain of the will.

These are what retains the humanity of humans. It's the source of power that makes us have our purposes.

And in some cases, some humans could get a blessing if one of their traits is a lot more stronger.

I got the fire. My will is strong, if that's the case.

Yet the entirety of my life as a pyromancer, my magic is less than a quarter of what a pyromancer should have. My fire is weak. My confidence is close to a small spark.

Is that why I'm still living? Is that why I have surpassed the limit of every known pyromancers?

I don't think the Fire God favoured me. Cursed, maybe... but why me?

What have I done to be a pyromancer who's will is as weak as a feather, letting the wind carry it's tiny weight into the unknown? A pyromancer who's spark blinks and leave me alone in a cold, lonely world?

I want to dance, yet my mind tells me not to. My heart yearns for my body to move and sway around the world without a thought.

But as a cowardly pyromancer who is yet to die, I shall live until I let my mind crash down like a rubble of stones.

I shall live until I let my emotions splash like a tsunami who eats the seaside of peace.

I shall live until I let my soul sets free like a bird who soar the kingdom of the clouds.

... I shall live... until I let my fire burn me away.

Pyromancy is ridiculously dangerous. Most pyromancers die before they turn 20 and 25 is considered ancient by their standards. You have reached 30 and show no signs of slowing down.

[satans-left-asscheeky]

Companions react to a random sexy times scene in a movie

Okay so in my head sole manages to get a TV to work and puts on a movie for them and their platonic/crushing companion, and about half way in there's a totally unexpected scene....

Maccready

*Chokes on drink* "Oh come on! I didn't need to see that..." que a very blushy and embarrassed merc.

Is very uncomfy. If he wanted to see adult content he'd go search for adult content some time when sole wasn't around.... he doesn't get why it's in the movie.... it's adding nothing to the damn plot

Idk about yall guys, but when I was younger and an "adult" scene would unexpectedly come on my parents would scrable for the remote inevitably drawing more attention and I could totally see Mac doing that.

Hancock

"Oh guess he's not a fan of foreplay.... Oh come on thats not how it's done. That poor lady can do so much better. Jeez sex ed apparently is a foreign concept to this sorry excuse for a lover...."

Judging the whole scene.... He wishes he could jump through the damn screen and give some pointers. By the time the scene is over sole is dying of laughter, and Hancock is disappointed in the underachieving boyfriend.

Cait

"What type of film are we watchin again? either way I'm not complaining..."

She'd be dramatically waggling her eyebrows. She doesn't really give a shit if it's in there. if anything it just causes her to focus on the movie more intently....

Danse

O.O "I- oh... um..."

The Paladin forgot how to form words temporarily and his face is redder than a tato. He's uncomfy and embarrassed to say the least.... Much like maccready he doesn't understand what this is adding to the plot...

Curie

"Oh what is going on-... Oh! Is this erm... normal to be on the television?"

Would cover her eyes. When asked why she'd say calmly "to give them some privacy". Sole of course finds that hilarious and starts laughing, which in turn makes Curie think the scene is over and something else is happening and when she uncovers her eyes and is greeted with the same image and she makes a sound in-between a screech and a squak making sole laugh even harder at her.

Deacon

"So this is the real reason why everyone watched TV before the bombs.... im not surprised, but I am disappointed in you sole... Ever heard of keeping it pg13? Seriously though if I was gonna lose my eye virginity to anyone I'm glad it's you" *Overly sarcastic shoulder pat*

He makes a whole dramatic scene himself acting as if what he just saw was the dictionary definition of vile, and then he starts smirking like a goddamn idiot. In reality he just feels awkward

Piper

"what the- OH COME ON BLUE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING ME WATCH!?"

Once you convince her that no, it is indeed not what she thinks it is and that is safe to look she's pretty much fine and will happily watch the rest of the movie. Still though no matter what you say to try and convince her other wise she wholeheartedly believes it was your intention to about give her a heart attack mid movie. Even after you explanation you weren't expecting it either she still blames you and probably won't let you pick the movie for a very long time.

Nick

"Forgot how many scenes there were in old films. Heh, at least this one's tasteful unlike some of the things I've had the misfortune of seeing in my time...."

Hes an old man, he's seen it all. I'm sure he's had to watch some less than tasteful videos/holotapes he found well working a case that turned out to be anything but evidence. at the end of the day as long as there's not to much skin or excessive ridiculous moaning he's good.

Preston

"....."

He knows what's going on, but he's hoping if you don't know that he knows what's going on it'll somehow make this whole situation less awkward. That and he can't actual bring himself to say anything. This is not what he planned for movie night.... good thing he didn't bring a whole bunch of settlers like he had originally planned.

X6-88

"Ma'am/Sir might I ask why you're choosing to watch this with me?"

He's outwardly his usual stoic stone like self, but with a slight blush in his ears. He had meant for what he said to come out monotone like his words usually are, but it came out with far more nervousness then he intended. He's probably gonna wanna shoot some stuff after this. Probably best to let him go deal with his emotions the only way he knows how. violence.

[mylordshesacactus]

An Exhaustive Blow-By-Blow Analysis Of The ‘To Catch A Jedi’ Warehouse Duel That Was Definitely Asked For And Desired By People Other Than Us: An Essay By Alex And Jo

Or: It Is The Year Of Our Lord Two Thousand FUCKING Twenty, And Yet Here We Are, At The End Of All Things, Still Analyzing Barriss Offee’s Terrible Life Decisions.

Yes we’ve been saying we’d do this for the past five years minimum yes we’re girls what about it.

Before we begin, a moment of acknowledgement. Of all the people she’s faced, with all her skill and cunning and strength in the Force, the one and only character we have ever seen completely get the drop on Asajj Ventress--take her out without even giving her time to go for her lightsabers, stone cold, no duel no banter no challenge—

Is BARRISS FUCKING OFFEE. DEPENDABLE BARRISS™. LUMINARA UNDULI’S KID. THE NERD WHO MEMORIZED THE ENTIRE INSIDE OF A GEONOSIAN LABYRINTH, YOU KNOW, JUST IN CASE.

WITH A PIPE.

In the library.

And once she’s done that, this happens:

...and Jo and Alex spend the next seven years going absolutely feral. 

A brief moment now where we drag Ahsoka for failing to notice that in the last ten minutes Asajj Ventress has somehow managed to lose about six inches of height. But of course she doesn’t; the entirety of To Catch a Jedi is spent establishing that Ahsoka is firing on zero cylinders. She’s exhausted—she’s probably been awake for over 24 hours at this point—she’s confused, she’s scared, her entire world is crumbling all around her and she doesn’t understand why. So we see her make slip-up after slip-up, making a lot of stupid mistakes that get her noticed by the Coruscant police, and also briefly forgetting how elevators work.

“I, uh, guess I’m not exactly on my game these days.”

So...yeah. She doesn’t notice Asajj’s height loss or the real damning difference: Barriss is completely silent the entire fight, and Asajj never shuts the fuck up.

Of course, Barriss doesn’t need this deception to be perfect. She just needs to make it believable enough. This little Makashi salute—a duelist’s formality, something that screams Dooku—is the first little Ventress-y quirk she throws in, and that’s relevant, because it’s central to her entire motivation for this fight.

Barriss isn’t here to kill Ahsoka.

Barriss is here to save her life.

...Like, she’s bad at it. She’s making horrible decisions that keep getting worse. But there’s a reason she’s disguising herself as Ventress—Ventress is the perfect catspaw, and Barriss desperately needs a catspaw right now, because Ahsoka was never meant to take the fall for the bombing.

Letta went off-script and came within inches of naming Barriss—who, going by the timing, was almost certainly already infiltrating that secure facility (which...gotta respect the skill that took, at least) to silence her—or free her, we don’t know what Barriss intended but we’re not giving her that much benefit of the doubt right now. If she hadn’t called for Ahsoka as quickly as she did, Letta would have died alone in her cell, killed by a nameless Force-user, and the trail would have gone cold.

Instead Ahsoka was there, and when Barriss was faced with a choice between her actions being exposed and letting Ahsoka take the blame, she took the latter. But then Barriss breaks her out, with every indication being that something...went very wrong, as the situation spirals out of control. It’s obvious that Barriss is in the vents during that escape because the clones in Ahsoka’s path keep mysteriously dying and their wounds are fresh, and also there’s no more convenient interference once she gets outside. So now Ahsoka’s free but the subject of a planetwide manhunt that makes her look even MORE guilty…which wasn’t meant to happen.

Remember that Ahsoka is the one who contacted Barriss for help, and Barriss clearly wasn’t expecting it. She spends most of this episode desperately flailing for something, anything to do to fix all this, and she’s lost until she discovers Ahsoka is now with Ventress.

Ventress. Ventress is a darksider. If Ventress is linked to this at all, people will believe it. Ventress could easily have gotten into that prison—through the vents, someone would inevitably have suggested, and probably discovered whatever lightsaber sabotage Barriss used to get in. Case closed. 

So all Barriss has to do to fix this without coming clean is frame Ventress believably. Then the person being executed will...well it’ll only be Asajj Ventress, and she deserves it, right? 

(Asajj Ventress--and all those clones Barriss killed in the breakout. And that’s very telling. Barriss who memorized 800 junctions of a Geonosian labyrinth for one singular mission, because “other people’s lives” depended on her success, doesn’t seem to have factored in the lives of those clones. They don’t seem to be registering in these calculations.)

The point is that Ahsoka’s name will be clear and Barriss’ will never have been in danger.

If you watch that short opening bout, before Ahsoka kicks her away, it’s...well, in Luminara’s words, amateurish and sloppy. All the blows, including that ostensibly fatal double-overhead strike, are DRAMATICALLY telegraphed. In a few cases, she is visibly missing on purpose:

This strike right here? This strike is HILARIOUSLY transparent in slow motion. She has an opening and instead sweeps her lightsabers ALL THE WAY back on the opposite side; and when she brings them down again…

Apologies for the motion blur but—Ahsoka moves to block and MISSES, which doesn’t matter because the blades were like a full foot away from actually making contact with her body. Barriss is striking at her lightsabers half the time for this first flurry of action, before letting Ahsoka break away for that salute. And this is not an animation error. TCW has plenty of those, but they know how to choreograph a lightsaber duel.

So the goal of this fight is very clearly not to kill Ahsoka. It’s to LOOK like she’s trying to kill Ahsoka, while mostly just trying to attract attention and act as much like Ventress as she possibly can.

As a result, Barriss spends a lot of the fight creating space. She pulls a sheet of metal down at Ahsoka, while gesturing dramatically to telegraph her intentions and give Ahsoka plenty of time to dodge:

And then she runs away to a higher level, letting Ahsoka pursue and then hiding.

This fucking pipe trick is NOT a Ventress thing, mind. This is 100% Mirialan using-the-environment bullshit and also, Barriss, a massive bitch move. We’re pointing it out mostly because of how dramatically Ahsoka JUMPS here. Because...listen, she’s better than this. She’s a wartime Padawan. She’s Anakin Skywalker’s wartime Padawan. She has way more duelling experience than a Jedi of her age normally would, and in a vacuum—in a normal sparring situation, where they’re both rested and prepared for it—Ahsoka would probably beat Barriss nine times out of ten in a duel.

This is anything but a vacuum. As we established, Ahsoka is firing on zero cylinders, she’s exhausted, she’s in the midst of a complete mental breakdown, she’s lost her offhand blade, and she doesn’t know the layout of the area like Barriss does. Ahsoka may be a more skilled and experienced duellist, but in this situation that means exactly fuckall. So Barriss runs rings around her.

So after the pipe trick—again a “cinematic” detail, something to ramp up the tension and sell the deception that otherwise has massive holes in it—Barriss gets in ONE solid blow.

Ahsoka’s off-balance, she’s blocking with both hands, Barriss could use her primary to slice under her guard—

At which point she does a FUCKING CARTWHEEL over the point of contact, which is not REMOTELY a Ventress thing, that is all Luminara Unduli all the time. That is the Mirialan Unnecessary Acrobatics Bonus Action.

And then again, a sloppy midsection slash that was nowhere near connecting and serves entirely to create space. A few more standard telegraphed blows.

And then what we generally refer to as the first turn in this duel.

Barriss roundhouse-kicks Ahsoka in the ribs hard enough to send her flying through a stack of boxes and bounce off the wall behind it. And that was an actual, solid injury. Ahsoka takes a moment to get back to her feet, clutching her side like she’s broken ribs, and her already-poor form takes even more of a dive after this. If Barriss wanted to, she easily could have killed Ahsoka here, but instead...

She backs off. Slowly and deliberately, making what’s very nearly a come-hither gesture with her offhand lightsaber. 

And again—Ahsoka is better than this. She is smarter than this. This is such, such glaringly obvious BAIT. She’s being drawn deeper into the factory; Barriss is absolutely herding her, and she falls for it, because she’s not doing great right now.

(And of course Barriss is herding her. Thus far, there’s no actual evidence that Ventress was here except for Ahsoka’s word. For this deception to work there have to be witnesses. She has to attract attention.)

So she does a bunch of flippy bullshit (#Mirialans) to knock those barrels off, slowing Ahsoka down and tiring her out some more.

And when Ahsoka’s done playing Donkey Kong, she COMPLETELY crits on her spot check and does the exact thing that will get Anakin brutally dismembered in about a year. She flips onto the upper level, right past Barriss, who’s just sort of politely waiting for her to land and get her feet under her.

It...is genuinely heartbreaking, honestly, how out of it Ahsoka is during this fight.

And this is actually the second turn, because while it’s impossible to get a high-quality screenshot, this is the first moment where Barriss begins to show that she’s...getting a little too into this. Ahsoka flips onto the platform, and for several seconds she’s slashing wildly around herself while Barriss dodges...completely unarmed.

There’s a few more halfhearted exchanges of blows, culminating in Ahsoka’s only near-hit in this episode. And it comes CLOSE, too; she’s still Ahsoka Tano, after all. Barriss dodges this blow by inches, and Ahsoka impales her saber to the HILT in that support column.

At which point Barriss dodges around the other side of the column and, again, just...waits, for Ahsoka to come at her again.

(We honestly have no idea how so much of the fandom misses how INCREDIBLY staged this whole thing was, because it’s not subtle. The animators are brilliant. It’s fast-paced enough that it’s believable that AHSOKA would believe it, but when you actually watch what’s happening...)

Barriss does ANOTHER FUCKING backflip and they exchange a few more strikes, at which point Barriss pulls what’s actually the bitchiest move she pulls in this whole fight. But it’s also...one of the most interesting and lowkey AWFUL things. Because right now, she is still trying to be Ventress.

She slashes the gas canister open to set up the upcoming explosion, but she also times it so that Ahsoka gets blasted in the face with hot compressed gas that staggers her and briefly impairs Ahsoka’s vision. And that is...a move that we have seen Asajj Ventress use, onscreen, before.

Against Luminara.

The only possible way Barriss could know about this little compressed-steam trick of Ventress’ is through her master. 

Barriss was not there for this fight. Barriss did not see this happen. But Luminara has, out loud, credited Ahsoka for saving her life in this fight—and rightly so, because Ventress came within inches of killing her multiple times during that fight and this was one of them. And Barriss would have to know that. And she just used it against Ahsoka.

In a fight, Luminara is a graceful Lady of War. Barriss Offee, on the other hand, is a stone-cold fucking bitch.

By the time of this arc Barriss is convinced that all of the Jedi have fallen, that they’re all in service to the dark side and just don’t see it, and in a lot of ways she’s right. But the fact is that Barriss Offee herself has fallen to the dark side personally in a way that most individual Jedi have not, and what happens next shows it.

Barrels Offee over here uses the Force to shove a bunch of explosives over the red-hot wounds left by her lightsabers and gets the pyrotechnics she was looking for.

And this is the final turn. Earlier, we noticed Barriss getting a little too into this fight, toying with Ahsoka, taunting her with that unarmed dodging; but she was still focused on her objective, still laying a stage for the most part.

And this is it. This is the objective.

By creating that explosion, she caught the attention of local authorities. There will be witnesses any moment now who will see her, wearing Ventress’ mask and holding Ventress’ lightsabers, standing in a munitions factory that Letta Turmond can be tied to. Ahsoka will testify that she went to investigate and Ventress came from behind to kill her, and suddenly everything will make sense.

Ahsoka...is out of the fight. She’s barely stirring, she’s not getting up. She doesn’t even have the strength to lift that sheet of metal; the only reason she’s able to BARELY get onto her hands and knees is that Barriss uses the Force to lift it off her.

Barriss got what she wanted.

And then she keeps going.

This is Barriss in the FULL grip of the Darkside Tango over here. She’s angry and scared and angry and something about that explosion was cathartic, and this is the point where the duel takes a sharp turn. Something...has changed, about Barriss’ demeanor, here.

She doesn’t appear to be thinking anymore.

This is the point at which this fight is...honestly, just hard to watch. It’s a beatdown. Barriss is now hurting Ahsoka on purpose, and for no other reason than to hurt her. She puts her ALL behind flinging a ragdolling, half-conscious Ahsoka into the wall so hard it shakes some of the steel loose. It’s brutal, and Barriss’ body language is cold and confident the whole time.

She is completely lost in the sauce on the Dark Side at this point.

The absolute worst thing from here on in is the way Ahsoka just…Keeps. Getting. Up.

She can barely stand at this point. She’s got her saber up trying to hold a guard position and she physically can’t. This is legitimately the worst Ahsoka’s ever gotten beaten in a fight in her life, and she knows it. She’s staggering. Her eyes aren’t even fully in focus.

Barriss doesn’t bother with actually fighting, because she doesn’t need to. She hits Ahsoka with a casual Force push to knock her back off her feet, and Ahsoka just cringes in anticipation of it because she knows she can’t defend herself properly.

And then there goes her lightsaber, tumbling over the edge, and she never holds it again until the Siege of Mandalore. That Weapon Is Her Life, and we never see it in its current form again.

And Ahsoka GETS UP AGAIN.

Ladies and gentlemen, our hero.

She is DOWN. She’s dead on her feet, she can’t even walk; she just sort of stumbles across the floor with her own momentum. But she is still SOMEHOW trying to square off with “Ventress.”

And this, right here? This is how we know exactly what Barriss’ mindset is right now, because Ahsoka never gives up. She just doesn’t. She’s the biggest cockroach in a universe containing Darth “Just A Flesh Wound” Maul. Ahsoka doesn’t just lie down and accept her fate. She doesn’t just let people win.

And Barriss...has.

There’s a viciousness in the way she ends this fight. Like, it’s Barriss—all of her fights are a little bit vicious. She is a BITCH when the chips are down. But this is...vindictive. From the moment Ahsoka trembles to her hands and knees after that explosion, the overwhelming cold cruelty Barriss shows from that moment until she spin-kicks Ahsoka down like two and a half stories of broken slats onto solid concrete is raw, bitter:

Will you just STAY DOWN for once in your FUCKING life?!

And we want to take a moment to give Ahsoka the dignity of acknowledging that she still doesn’t.

And then the GAR shows up, and Barriss really shows her true colors. Because the moment she hears Republic forces arriving...

Barriss runs.

We worry sometimes that because Barriss is our favorite character, people will think that means we think she’s justified in her actual actions in this arc, or that her worst actions are somehow not her fault. But let us be very clear: Barriss Offee fucked up royal and is entirely responsible for that. 

The fact that it’s very clear she didn’t come into this fight with intent to kill, the fact that her actions are calculated to clear Ahsoka’s name, is the FURTHEST thing from absolution. Even as she tries to find a solution throughout this episode, it all stems from her original decision to frame Ahsoka for Letta’s murder rather than let Letta spill the beans. There’s a very, very simple solution to this mess, a simple way to clear Ahsoka’s name and make amends for the attack that Barriss regretted almost the moment it happened. But she consistently refuses to even consider it as an option.

Barriss Offee does not want to face the consequences of her actions.

She came into this to fix things, but when push comes to shove—she wants to save her own life. She wants to be a radical dissenter and still get to be the Jedi Padawan poster girl, and the security that comes with it. She doesn’t stick around to make sure she’s seen by witnesses because as evidenced by that brutal beatdown, she’s...stopped caring, that much. She doesn’t value Ahsoka’s life enough to risk her own anymore.

So when this fails, when the clones don’t see her and there’s no evidence to back up Ahsoka’s story that Ventress was the one behind it, when three words from Barriss would save her from a death she doesn’t deserve, Barriss says absolutely nothing until she’s compelled at lightsaber-point.

At the end of the day, this whole elaborate deception was only ever about one thing, and it wasn’t Ahsoka. It was the fact that Barriss Offee doesn’t want to get caught.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

No-no-no, this isn't going to whizz past me in the wild without getting "The Smoke Off" added to it. Copy/paste instead of screenshot for inclusivity, but these words and illustrations are his and not my own❤️!

In the laid back California town of sunny San Rafael Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly knew her well. She’d been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll. Her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk up flat Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past With long browned lightnin’ fingers he takes a cultured toke And says, "Hell, I can roll em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke!"

So a note gets sent to San Rafael, "For the Championship of the World The Kid demands a smoke off!" "Well, bring him on!" says Pearl, "I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops!" Says Calistog, "I'll smoke that twist till she blows up and pops!" So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread "Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, price Just two lids a head And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed The world's greatest dopers, with the Worlds greatest weed Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo.

See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time To the old man who smoked "reefer" back before it was a crime And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds. And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl, ready for their smokin' war At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem, branch or seed.

Maui Wowie, Panama Red and Acapulco Gold. Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold. Sticks from Thailand, Ganja from the Islands, and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best. And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West. Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs. And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers. And there's bubblin’ ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches. And there's Hershey’s bars, and Oreos, case anybody gets the munchies. And the Calistoga Kid, he sneers, and Pearly, she just grins. And the drums roll low and the crowd yells "GO!" and the world’s first Smoke Off begins.

Kid flicks his magic fingers once and ZAP! that first joint’s rolled. Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and WOOSH! that roach is cold. Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that’d paralyze a moose. And Pearley takes one super hit and SLURP! that bomb’ defused. Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine, And everybody sits back and says, "This just might take some time." See the blur of flyin’ fingers, see the red coal burnin’ bright As the night turns into mornin’ and the mornin’ fades to night And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone But the two still sit on that roach filled stage, smokin' and rollin' on With tremblin’ hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips. And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold The Kid he gasps, "Goddamn it, bitch, there's nothin' left to roll!" "Nothin’ left to roll?", screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?" "I didn't come here to fuck around, man, I come here to SMOKE!" And she reaches 'cross the table And grabs his bony sleeves And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach. And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid back California town of sunny San Rafael Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly know her well. She’s been stoned twenty one of her twenty four years, and the story’s widely told. How she still can smoke them faster than anyone can roll While off in New York City on a street that has no name. There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll That says, Beware of Bein’ the Roller When There's Nothin’ Left to Roll.

My friend said this but this is a very important point that yall need to understand.

[lurkingleighbee]

Thrawn Ascendancy: Greater Good  Chapter 15 - Chapter 18

Chapter 15

Ar’alani gets to “Sunrise” and sees no lights or any signs of life, which scares her

a super circular asteroid just happens to be floating into view... hmmm....

checking all previous records of battles/visits to the planet to see if it was there 

and it appears that it wasn’t

Ar’alani points out Thrawn would have noticed the asteroid, as “even in the middle of a battle, there’s very little that gets past him.”

Wutroow calls it a moon, which I think is a cute little callback to the Obi-Wan Kenobi quote from A New Hope

that’s no moon! 

This exchange is great:

“Captain Lakinda, are you game to try something dangerous?” “As opposed to just being part of the Expansionary Defense Fleet,” Wutroow added. 

Lakinda is a little bit intimidated, I think

I wish Lakinda had her own gal pal with her 

Ar’alani and the enemy get into a back and forth argument about who has been asked by the refugees to help them out

While that is going on, Lakinda planned to decimate the asteroid (which is really a giant bomb with missiles attached) in a careful way

I write planned, because “without warning the entire asteroid exploded, hurling shards of stone outward in all directions

I want to feel excitement, but given that Ar’alani will survive all the way up to Thrawn: Treason and I don’t feel like Lakinda is going to get axed, it is difficult to muster up the feeling 

Chapter 16

the Grayshrike takes some damage, and with “the view port blast shields automatically slammed shut,” so they have to reply on sensor and tactical displays

in the center of the asteroid’s internal framework “was the missile, its nose peeking out of the thick casing through the launcher.”

they are trying to destroy the entire thing before the launcher goes after the Vigilant or the Grayshrike

Thankfully its disabled

However, the Battle Dreadnought and the Vigilant are locked in battle 

even though Ar’alani wanted Lakinda to bring the asteroid/launcher with her, Lakinda opted to go in assisting Ar’alani without it 

Ar’alani gets into another sound of aggressive negotiations, both of them taunting the other 

I know how to destroy you!!!

Nuh uh!

or more flowery: “Your statement lacks accuracy. It is I who knows how to destroy you.”

Just as Lakinda and Ar’alani are about to destroy the Battle Dreadnought when it decides to self-destruct

overall, a success but Lakinda tears herself down for not getting the launcher and thinks Thrawn would have found a way to have done it 

compare yourself to Thrawn and you will always fall short

I feel like Thrawn would tell her to chin up and focus on her own talents and strengths, instead of tearing herself down for her weaknesses

MASSIVE SPOILERS HERE ON OUT

Memories VI

Haplif is still trying to push Yoponek to his intended goals, but he considers the young Chiss spineless

Shimkif decides to take matters into her own hands. AGAIN. 

and employs straight up biological warfare against Yomie and makes her very ill

Shimkif also manages to figure out that Yomie “doesn’t want Yoponek to give up all his hopes and dreams for her. She wants him to be willing to give them up. Once she’s satisfied that he would do that for her, he can go charging on to fame and fortune on Celwis, and she’ll stand by smiling and being all proud of him.”

Having gotten to the end of the book, hell to the end of the chapter - I can ensure you this information means nothing in the long run 

Because Yomie has figured out that Haplif is telepathic

So that leaves Haplif utilizing Option Three - killing her

Her body is left in the vast emptiness of the universe

Call this blaming the victim - but it seems like Yomie had suspicions from the start that Haplif and his crew (of fifty, that we never see btw) were iffy.

So why did you go along with complete strangers and really press on their hospitality as hard as you did?! 

Still does not make her murder okay

And presumably, her boyfriend doesn’t care about her whereabouts (since he buys some cock and bull story right away), her parents do not check on her, and her friends don’t either

COMPLETELY USELESS CHARACTER!

Chapter 17

Lakuviv is just agog over the treasure Lakjiip “confirmed” for him

This trap is so obvious to everyone but to these two numbskulls

And this exchange would probably make Thrawn pull his own hair out:  

“They said the metal has no particular value of its own. It’s the skill with which the artists turn it into jewelry that’s important.” Lakuviv shook his head. “Idiots.” Lakjiip shrugged. “In general, I suppose that’s mostly true of art. Give an artist a hundred Univers to spend on paint and a presentation board, and out pops a picture someone else will spend thousands for. It’s just in this specific case the whole thing is reversed.” “If you ask me, everything about the art world is just barely controlled anarchy.” Lakuviv said.  Thrawn would be like:

Lakuviv and Lakjiip want to get this up the chain of command

Lakuviv invites the Patriel over for a chit-chat about a nyix mine that practically fell into his lap, with no strings attached, totally above board, no suspicions, nope, no ma’am

Yoponek points out that Lakuviv could pull emergency powers

backed into a corner of your own making? 

emergency powers!

Had to read this a couple of times before I made sense of it, but if I have this summarized correctly:

if you declare a family emergency, you can bring back officers and warriors (I assume that means enlisted soldiers) 

The rules are so convoluted

if you’re one of the Forty Families that used to be one of the Ruling Families AND have an under crewed family fleet, you are allowed (?) to call in the Chiss from that specific family for an “emergency”

This is so ripe for abuse

And this is kind of recent history

But it is so made up and so unnecessarily complicated

These are the chapters when the book really started to lose me 

Yoponek has to be the one that explains this

Lakuviv or Lakjiip could have done this on their own - looked for an excuse to exploit the mines 

Yoponek and Yomie are so useless 

Chapter 18

So, Thrawn’s name is even known among farmers as that art guy 

lol

This is this the convo between Lakphro and his cousin:

“...Senior Captain Thrawn has a reputation for knowing a lot about alien art and artworks.” “I’m happy for him. But I don’t need an art critic. I need a metals specialist.” “I know that’s what you asked for. Here’s the thing. I’m wondering if Thrawn might be able to tell us something else about the brooch, just as it is. Maybe something important.”  “Like what?” “No idea,” Lakbulbup admitted. “But once we take it for testing, even a little bit apart, that chance is gone.” “I don’t know what he could possible see that we can’t,” Lakphro said. “It’s just a bunch of metal threads, and they’re woven together in a pattern. End of story.”  “Like I said, I don’t know, either,” Lakbulbup said. “But I...” ... “Maybe,” Lakphro said. “But what if-” “But nothing,” Lakbulbup said firmly. “Trust me, Lakphro. I’ve heard stories about this Thrawn fellow, and I truly think it’s worth running the brooch past him.”

Lakuviv is irked that Patriel Lakooni points out the obvious - that this is clearly a scam

Yesss!!! Common sense!

Unfortunately, it does not get to prevail 

even Lakuviv has the gut instinct to back down, but he pushes on ahead

He takes her hostage and uses Lakooni’s personal codes to call for an emergency 

Lakinda gets the jewelry piece from Lakwurn (these names are starting to run together) and an hour before she leaves for space, she gets the “family emergency”

Lakinda is torn between family and duty

she decides to stay for the family emergency

she does forward the box to Thrawn 

and she send the Grayshrike on ahead with Mid Captain Apros on it

Thurfian gets to listen to a long-ass presentation about this slightly suspicious “Universal Analysis Group” that I initially thought might be important later

but having read to the end of the book, I can tell you - that it is not 

Thurfian manages to deal with the squabble in such a way that Speaker Thyklo (who are you again?) says he reminds her “a little of Syndic Thrass. He was also good at appearing to give people what they wanted while simultaneously doing what needed to be done.” “Really,” Thurfian said, feeling a stirring inside him. “I assume that’s a compliment. “Very much so,” Thyklo said with a smile. “Thrass wasn’t as skilled at it as you are, but he definitely had the talent. A terrible shame that we lost him.” “Yes. To Thrawn.” “Or to circumstances,” Thyklo said. “It’s easy to place blame, but it’s not always productive. Or always accurate.” 

Also, rumors abound that the Speaker and at least two Patriels are looking to retire

Thurfian is thinking about moving on up

Instead of all this time with Haplif (and Yoponek and Yomie) - why not spend the memories sections on Thurfian and develop his character?!

Give me a good reason for why he hates Thrawn so much!!! 

Like, Zahn is kind of telling me but I need more information as to why Thurfian is this obsessed over this one guy  Me reading this book:

[popculturebuffet]

DWD Reviews: Negaduck or The Good, The Bad and Both are Darkwing (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

The march to “Just Us Justice Ducks” continues as I bring on the bad guys! And it’s a twofer as we focus on Megavolt and Negaduck! And because the  show apparently wasn’t confusing enough in terms of continuity, this is a second Negaduck who was created before the one we all know, but whose episode aired after, but whose only episode was aired after several of the other ones and...

Point is Megavolt’s latest gizmo creates two darkwings, one a sacchrine goody two shoes and the other an ax crazy, trollish, nightmare of a being who wants to destroy everything. So basically insert your own Ned Flanders and Donald Trump jokes here. Review continues after the break

-------------------------------

Whelp after taking most of the week off i’m back.. in part because of another Kev Comission, and it’s not exclusive to him, anyone reading this can commission any animated episode I have access to for five bucks, 15 for a movie, he’s just the only one taking advantage of it.  But yeah plug aside i’ve been a bit distracted by the election, a new fridge and bunches of other stuff going on to really focus on my reviews, though I do have two planned for the future and regular coverage will rock on. So this was a nice little jolt back to reality and back to business as usual. And it keeps me on something resembling a schedule for getting to “Just Us Justice Ducks”. Given how many months it’s taken me to get as far as I have covering Tom Lucitor episodes that’s probably a good thing. So with all that settled let’s talk about Negaduck. Negaduck is an interesting one to talk about. It’s one of many episodes, such as the episode directly after it “Fungus Among Us” which I covered right before this one which very obviously takes place earlier in the series continuity but aired way late into the syndicated part of season 1. In this case instead of debuting a major character, it debuts the PROTOTYPE for a major character, in this case Negaduck. It’s fairly obvious to me from this episode what happened: This episode was made as a one off, a fun episode where Drake gets split into two people, a good one and a bad one, and Gosalyn has to take charge to stop him. But the Tronsplit Negaduck was such a delight to write and watch, and i’ll get into the why as we go, that they wanted to make him a regular character, but deciding his origins were a headache to deal with as they’d have to create ANOTHER origin story just to get a copy of Negaduck out of Darkwing’s head, they just decided to say screw it and gave the new version the simplier origin of being an evil mirror universe version of darkwing. Simple, opens up story possibilities, and prevents a headache. To Tad Stones credit though had their been a season 3, he had plans for Darkwing and the Second Negaduck to team up against the first one, so there’s that. So that’s how I assume we ended up with two different Negaducks..  and yes i’m aware the Funkos call him Negatron.. but it’s not a great name, nor the one he actually uses so i’m sticking with Negaduck. Point is we ended up with two and with this one being hte blueprint for the one debuting in Justice Ducks, I thought it’d be fun to use as Negaduck’s episode. 

And since i haven’t covered Megavolt, this one’s for him as well since he’s sitll a large part of the episode, and uttelry charming throughout. So with the setup out of the way, check out what I think of the episode itself under the cut. 

We open with Megavolt doing what he usually does: Rob a bank, this time using his new gizmo the tronspliter which spits something into positive and negative Trons... i’d make some joke about one Tron movie being better than the other but I only MILDLY prefer Legacy, as while both have Jeff Bridges being awesome, Legacy has great visuals, an utterly awesome soundtrack, decent performances and Gem, who i’ll embarrassingly admit to having a crush on because my dignity hasn’t gone into the basement enough over my life. But it’s not quite enough to call the other film outright bad, just not for me. Point is despite the obvious opening I got no tron jokes and I just wasted two minutes of your life so let’s move on. 

But instead of loot Negaduck finds a smoking bag! It’s Darkwing Duck.. in what I consider to be the funniest bit of the episode, and that’s not a knock on the episode as a whole as it’s a really damn funny episode. This bit just killed me. Darkwing coughs through his intro from the bag.. I THOUGHT it might be from dye but it turns out.. HE STILL DID THE WHOLE SMOKE BOMB ENTRANCE THING INSIDE THE BAG... despite no one being able to see it and it only making it harder. Just.. it’s such a simple idea but i’ts so brilliant. It’s why I love this show.. the jokes can be silly, but much like classic Disney or Looney Tunes shorts, especially the latter oddly, it’s rooted in the characters, and that makes it that much richer. It’s why i’m a sitcom guy, as long as the sitcom’s good and you know.. doesn’t plug for a transparent wannabe dictator. I like comedy that’s really rich in the characters and who they are. It’s why I like the Ducktales reboot as it has that in droves. It’s why I like either writing the cast in comedy scenarios or plugging them into other sitcoms for my chat: they just FIT there really naturally. I”m also praising the humor because I’m trying to find a balance between accurately representing how funny an episode is and not just going “a really clever gag” over and over and over. Needless to say, this episode is really damn funny and if I didn’t spotlight a joke, it’s only because i’m trying not to repeat itself. This show has aged well for a reason after all. 

We get another great gag I can’t glance over as Megavolt tries to escape and forgets their on the 97th floor. A fight breaks out, including Ball Bearings, but Darkwing easily trounces Megavolt.. until their guns crash, and it triggers the tronsplitter by accident. The result is our episode’s premise as noted in the intro:Double Darkwings! Both are also finely established with their first lines, with Negaduck, darkwing’s negative emotions, wanting to quit crime fighting for something more profitable, and Posiduck, take a wild guess, wanting to quit it for something safer.  The two halves make their way home just as Gosalyn and Launchpad are horsing around playing baseball with a bowling ball, with the predictable result of smashing “Dad’s favorite statue of himself”... again i’m barely into the episode but it just keeps coming up with bits like that. It reminds me of Simpsons, which given my referencing the series near constantly to an OSW Review level, it’s not a huge surprise, but it has the same rapid fire character based jokes as the Simpsons in it’s prime, which funny enough was around this time. It just keeps coming while keeping a compelling story. It’s good stuff is what i’m saying. Not all comedies can manage that  let alone way back when. 

Naturally both Darkwings have.. diffrent reactions. Posiduck just walks it off, kids will be kids, hippie parents stuff which only makes Gosalyn more paranoid he’s going to do something since DW usually isn’t THIS nice, or gracious about destroying his carefully branded stuff. Negaduck.. wants to outright murder her. Then both show up together...

Gosalyn naturally freaks out and given the sheer number of people that have impersonated her dad, and this is pre the second Negaduck, understandably assumes one’s an imposter. But HILARITY insues when the Muddlefoots show up. And this is the first one i’ve watched since I started rewatching to really involve them: They DO show up in Dry Hard, which i’ll get to, but i’ts mostly for Herb to do what he was born for and piss off Drake. Though while Herb was meant to be the Ned Flanders being his neighbor and everything, the passage of time and my recent binge of Schitt’s Creek has me comparing him more to Roland Schitt from that show: A slob of a man with a nicer, more attractive wife who thinks he’s the lead character’s best friend and insuates himself into his life and buisness with varying levels of obnoxiousness, either being a total jackass without realizing it or trying to help but still.. not exactly helping.  Naturally with that kind of parallel Herb is forcing himself in to watch the Pellican’s Island reunion.. but is it the one where they can’t adjust to life outside the island or the one with it turned into a resort after they returned and the Harlem Globetrotters? Point is normally Drake would be, understandably, pissy, but Posidrake, despite Gosalyn’s understandable attempts to clear the muddlefoots out, is more than accommodating. Negaduck.. upon hearing they were coming went to get his shotgun.. and upon seeing them yells at herb for eating his food again, which granted Posiduck gave it to them but given his track record with drake and the way he just barged into Drake’s house to borrow his TV without asking, I can’t blame him for assuming and when Tank, Honker’s brother and little asshole, tries hitting him over it, Negaduck threatens him. Are.. are we sure he’s the bad one? I mean he’s not wrong. Wanting to actually murder them and not just think about it is, but wanting them out of his house isn’t. Gosalyn however shoos him away and gives the Muddlefoots their tv.. they can get a new one but Drake can’t beat murder charges. She does keep Honker, her best friend and local nerd to help since she’s an 11 year old and a launchpad trying to keep Negaduck from killing Posiduck. They sucessfully tie up Negaduck and Posiduck, being a pushover, ties himself up. 

Honker, after examining both’s feather’s under the microscope, concludes what we already knew: Neither of them is fake, their simply positive and negative.. in the DWD universe, Poistrons are good particles and someone’s good half and the Negatrons are someone’s bad half. It’s even taught in school as Gos knows it. After some banter, Gos remembers Posiduck mentioing the tronsplitter and they figure they can be reunited. Naturally, Negaduck does not want that, and due to Goslayn getting a case of the stupids and not being able to tell them apart, despite Negaduck having some big angry eyebrows that make it obvious, frees him and he cons them into a closet and baricades it, sets his other self up for a dynamite filled death trap and runs off to raise some hell. Thankfully Posidrake ends up coliding with the barricade Negaduck put up, and while singed, is still alive because .. split in two or not i’ts still darkwing and Gosalyn drags him along with her and Launchpad to find Megavolt. 

I”m, ironically split a bit on the split darkwings. On one hand, the two don’t really evenly represent drake as neither really act like him, with the most Negduck does is clearly acting out Drake’s darkest impulses he usually mutters under his breath. On the other.. i’m willing to ignore that because it’s just too funny, with Negaduck being hilariously violent, again his recation to the muddle foots is “i’m getting my shotgun”. Not only am I awed a tv show could actually use that as a gag at one time and miss those times, it’s just so hilariously over hte top. That and I love that canocially, drake just had a shotgun lying around, which while making sense given he dosen’t have batman’s gun aversion and likely only uses gas because he’s not a murderer and this is a kids show, is still just a neat fact. The fact it’s not Darkwing branded is a genuine suprise, but it’s just as likely Negaduck couldn’t find that one. 

Negaduck hits up a theater to .. be obnoxious in a REALLY great scene, which I used for my screencap. While Negaduck’s final form is iconic, and we’ll get to it, I went with this simply because that shit eating grim is classic.. we also get Negaduck running into the screen to chase bunnies with a shot gun. Really this is the scene that i’m sure convinced them to find some way to bring this character back. Jim’s delivery, the petty dickey of Negaduck’s villiany here as he literally just drives into a movie theater and ruins everyone’s day for the hell of it, as well as assaults some rabbits with a shot gun.. i’ts just magic and it’s no wonder they’d retool the character to bring him back, nor that they’d put that refined version first. Jim Cummings is good at a LOT of things voice acting wise, there’s a reason he is a legend, but he’s especially good at playing a dickish, comedic villain who revels in being evil. While I didn’t really think about Negaduck at the time, he’d end up taking a LOT of the characters energy with him when he played Lord Boxman on OK K.O.! years down the line and if you haven’t checked it out and like Jim, do. It’s an amazing show. Point is cummings is amazing at this and I can see why they brought the character back. While Posiduck is fun, he’d probably wear his welcome out with more than one episode, while Negaduck had endless potetial and they used it. 

But once he’s done Cape Fearing, Negsy runs into Posi.. and uses him as a scapegoat for the angry mom after him, giving Negsy time to find Megavolt first while Posiduck gets positively pummeled despite Gosalyn and Launchpad’s best efforts.  Negsy finds Megavolt at the Dead End, a bad guy bar on the edge of town where Megavolt is drowning his sorrows.. by plugging a car battery directly into his socket. It’s just a fun visual gag and fit’s his personality and powers. Naturally Negaduck calls him out, and then wipes the floor with him but Megavolt is more than happy to help him once he finds out Negaduck was created by the tronsplitter, jubiantley yelling son and hugging him.. a great gag. Honestly I now see why Megavolt was one of the most popular and used villians in the Rogue’s gallery: he has a great gimmick, great powers, defined limits so unlike poor Liquidator he’s easier to work with, and  Dan Castellaneta really brings his a game here with a unique voice i’ve never heard used on the simpsons.. sorta like crusty but mixed with Bobcat Goldwait. It’s really good.  So while Father and Son bond and head to Megavolt’s place, Team Darkwing heads into the bar, where Gosalyn runs interference for both Darkwing and Launchpad whose just kinda.. there this episode. He really didn’t need to be here and feels like he only is because someone needs to drive the Ratcatcher.  Don’t get me wrong I love the guy, I just don’t get why he’s in this one especially since this is the first one since the pilot i’ve watched to really focus on Gosalyn. While she IS in Tiff of the Titans, it’s mostly in a supporting role. Here she really gets to strut her stuff and show why she’s awesome, intimidating men 4 times her age and size and getting the info they need.  At Megavolt’s, Negaduck continues his plan to just smash the thing but Megavolt doesn’t want one of his kids killing the other and yanks it .. and accidently shoots Negaduck with it while it’s on the merge setting. The result instead galvinaizes him giving him godlike destructive power. How the does this work in any way shape or form?

Negaduck, now above crime, goes to destroy the world with his dad disowning him while Team Darkwing Shows up. Megavolt agrees to help, and his reasons are both funny and work: If Negaduck destroys the city, where will he rob? Also of note is Negaducks new look, looking like a photo negative. There’s a reason besides Laziness it was brought back for the Funko Pops as a recolor, and that reason is DAMN it looks awesome. I get the switch to the easier to use Yellow and Black, but damn if this isn’t cool. 

Gosalyn cleverly gets the two grouped together by saying Negaduck’s abotu to step on a bug, but Negaduck swats Posiduck aside.. however since Posiduck is also made of ions or whatever nonsense this episode is running on that i’m just going with at this point because it’s entertaining and this review’s almost done. Point is we get a glorious sequence as Posiduck basically becomes a disney princess, summoning animals, moralizing that sort of thing. But unlike Gizmoduck this parody over overly sachrine heroes works, partly because it’s clearly amped up to 80 degrees. The two breifly fight before Posiduck holds his counterpart long enough to recombine them. Megavolt, naturally tries to betray everyone and has a zoom lense ready but Gosalyn beats him. Darkwing is restored, helpfully confirmed by his egotisim and Gosalyn hugs her dad despite him docking her allowance.. though i’m sure he reversed that once all was settled. Here’s hoping. Point is we have a happy ending. 

Final Thoughts:  This.. was easily my favorite of the ones i’ve rewatched so far which, along with the ones reviewed already, includes Beauty and the Beat and Dry Hard, which I’ll get to eventually. It’s got a clever concept that while used before in cartoons certainly is mostly used for parody here, gave us the blueprint for a great villain, and in general is just fun. Also as I didn’t realize earlier in this review this episode apparently AIRED earlier, but was put later in syndication because I don’t know. But this one’s a classic and an easy recommend to go to right after your done with the pilot. It’s fun, fast paced, and just packed with great jokes with only so many I could mention here. If you want this show at it’s finest, this is it. It was also a great introduction to Megavolt whose a great villain and I can’t wait to see him in action again. Overall a truly excellent episode and it was a joy to watch.  Until next time, Courage. 

[wanderingcas]

Safe and Sound. Commission for @starsmish 3.5k words

. . . 

Castiel leans back against the wall adjacent to the men’s bathroom, looking down at the watch-face poking out of his sleeve. People stare at him curiously as they filter in and out of the restrooms. Castiel smiles politely back, all the while keeping his eyes trained for a specific face: one with bright green eyes, a jawline that Castiel is positive would cut glass, and dusty blonde hair. 

He was assigned to Dean Winchester approximately two weeks ago. What Castiel originally thought was going to be a low-key assignment, protecting Lawrence’s newly-appointed councilman is turning out to be one of his more difficult cases. 

The first red flag is that Dean’s family hired Castiel without informing Dean at all. According to the family, Dean had been receiving death threats from an alt-right group so cleverly named “the Trumpers” because of Dean’s very liberal agenda in his politics. The family was concerned. Castiel assumed that Dean was also concerned. 

But when Castiel walked into the room and saw Dean for the first time, saw the equal parts of surprised and pissed off look on Dean’s face: that was Castiel’s second red flag. 

He checks his watch again. It’s been 20 minutes. 

“Goddammit.” Castiel pivots and swings through the bathroom door. He opens each empty stall. He does a useless circle around the empty bathroom. 

“God damn it,” he says again, voice echoing off the tiles.

. . . 

It isn’t hard to find Dean, as the workaholic councilman is parked where he usually is: his office.

Castiel smacks a styrofoam cup onto Dean’s desk. Drops of cold coffee spring to liberate themselves through the plastic lid’s opening. “You forgot this.” 

Dean’s eyes barely leave his computer screen. “Mm,” he replies. He picks it up; sips. Grimaces. “That’s disgusting.” 

Sitting in a chair across from Dean’s desk, Castiel says, “Yes, Dean. That’s because it’s cold. Because you left it. Hours ago.” 

“Huh,” Dean says.

“When you left a location without informing me,” Castiel continues to explain. “Again.” Dean still doesn’t look up. “That’s dangerous,” Castiel adds.

“Uh-huh.” 

Castiel kicks the desk with the toe of his foot, making it rattle. “Are you even listening to me?” 

Dean finally takes his hands off the keyboard, folds them in front of him. “Cas. I have more important things to do than listen to you bitch about how you failed at your job. Again.”

“You can’t keep running away from me,” Castiel says tightly. “I can’t keep you safe if you’re constantly running away.”

Dean leans back in his chair, laces his fingers behind his head. “I dunno, I’d call it more like… walking briskly. Not my fault that you’re too slow.” 

“I was waiting for you.” 

“Huh. Didn’t see you.” 

“I was waiting,” Castiel continues, leaning forward, “as I was all the other times when you’ve attempted to ditch me. During that press conference on Wednesday, at every grocery store you go into, at the restaurant last night—” 

“Well, you being on my date was a little weird, to be fair,” Dean says.

“Dean.” Castiel pinches the bridge of his nose. “You hired me to protect you. I can’t do that if you won’t allow me to do so.” 

“My family hired you,” Dean corrects, “and based on some stupid disorganized Trump fanatic group that couldn’t even find their own ass if it was handed to them. Nothing’s gonna happen, okay? I’m keeping you around to make my brother chill out. That’s it. I don’t need your damn protection.” 

“I disagree,” Castiel says. “I’ve been monitoring tagged posts with your Twitter username, and some of them are violent death threats. From multiple extremist groups. Additionally, you did a very poor job at hiding the letter you received that depicted a very graphic drawing of you getting eaten alive by hellhounds.” 

“But that’s all they are, Cas,” Dean says. “Threats. Nothing’s actually happened. You’ve been up my butt for weeks; have you seen anyone stalking me? Confronting me personally?” At Castiel’s reluctant dissenting head shake, Dean says, “See? It’s fine. Nothing to worry about.” 

Castiel hasn’t known Dean long, but he can identify three qualities in him: stubborn, handsome, and fiercely loyal to his family. Castiel straightens in his chair and plays his last hand “Elections are coming up,” he says. “That’s when people get most heated. And if you’re ignoring the seriousness of the situation, there may be an attack on you that could get multiple people hurt if it’s not intercepted. Like the woman you were on a date with last night.” Castiel takes a breath, attempts to hit home. “Or your family.” 

It has the desired effect: Dean’s face becomes stormy and still. He slowly points a finger at Castiel, jabbing with it in the air. “Don’t you dare bring my family into this.” 

“I am not doing so. The people who are threatening your life will.” 

Dean sits, stone-faced, until an unheard noise makes Dean snap to attention. “All right, Cas. You wanna play it like that? Then here’s what I think: you’re bad at your job. It’s why you work as an independent contractor who costs next to nothing to hire. You’re shitty at your profession, and you’re blaming me for it. I’m not a ninja, and yet I slip past you every goddamn time. You think that’s a coincidence?” 

Castiel clenches the fabric of his pants, bunched at the knees, willing himself not to take the bait. “If this whole thing is some sort of ridiculous self-punishment—”

“Where the hell did you pull that out of your ass?” Dean scoffs.

“—from that attack last year that hurt your brother, instead of you, because he got caught in the crossfire—”

Dean says, voice raised and sharp, “Don’t you dare bring that up, you son of a—”

“You could really get hurt, Dean!” Castiel shouts above him. “This isn’t a damn game. No matter what your problem is with me, or with having protection in the first place, you have to face the facts.” 

They stare at each other in a moment of silent standoff. The hallway beyond Dean’s office’s open door has gone tensely quiet. 

Dean stands and pushes his chair back harder than necessary. “I did a little digging on you too,” he says, a little too calmly. “You were fired from the former Secretary of State’s detail because you made a mistake on the job. It’s classified, obviously, but I’m willing to bet it had to do with that bomb making its way to the East Wing. Am I on the right track?” 

Castiel clenches his jaw. “The whole security detail was fired,” he says. “Not just me.” 

There’s a flicker in Dean’s expression—a softness that Castiel had not seen yet from him—but it’s gone as fast as it occurred. He replaces it with a condescending smile. “Pretty hard to protect anyone properly after that piss-poor mistake, huh?” 

Something in Castiel’s chest splinters. “All right,” he snaps, the backs of his knees smacking the chair as he stands. “Message received. I’ll resign from protecting you, effective immediately. You won’t be hearing from me again.” 

“Peachy,” Dean shoots back. He falls back into his chair, trains his eyes once again onto the computer screen again. 

Castiel has his hand on the knob, clenching it so hard it could shatter. “Whatever your opinion of me is; I hope you think about what I said.” He turns the knob sharply against the silence behind him, says, “I don’t want to see you get hurt,” before slamming the door behind him.

He takes the stairs that are down the hall from Dean’s office. His feet hitting the metal stairs echo sharply in the empty space. Striding through the lobby of the office building, he narrowly avoids connecting shoulders with a group of men who are walking quickly in the other direction.

When he gets outside, he doesn’t know what to do. He pulls his scarf against the wind. As is the theme of the week, people look at him strangely as he stands there, staring down at the sidewalk. The sun begins to slump in the sky. 

“Idiot,” he says to the ground, as if to explain. “He’s a goddamn idiot.” 

Despite this, he knows he has to go back in. 

He’s clenching and unclenching his hands, indecisive, until his phone begins vibrating violently in his coat pocket. He scrambles to take it out with his stiff fingers and pulls off a glove with his teeth so he can hit the green button on the touchscreen. “Hello?” 

“Cas—” says Dean’s voice, cut off by something that sounds like static. 

Castiel holds the phone closer to his ear, listening intently. “Dean? Hello?” 

“Cas—” says Dean’s voice, again, this time more desperate. It sounds like some sort of fabric is being rubbed against the receiver, making the connection fuzzy. A few odd thuds are heard over the receiver. 

“Dean, what’s going on? Where are you?” He hears Dean’s voice again, but this time it’s not forming a word—more like a cry. The realization of what’s happening dumps over Castiel like cold water. 

“Fuck,” Castiel says. 

Like a shot out of a gun, he whips around and bolts through the revolving doors. He holds the phone to his ear like a lifeline with one hand, pushing people out of the way with the other. “Dean, hang on!” he shouts into the phone. “I’m coming, just hang on! Call the police, tell them to come to office 202!” he barks at the bewildered doorman as he sprints by. 

He was only gone for ten minutes, he thinks desperately. Or twenty. How long was he standing outside?

Castiel dashes into the stairwell he used earlier to leave. As he begins sprinting up the stairs, he hears the grunts and thuds he heard over the phone become a reality.

Castiel throws his phone aside and increases his speed, taking two stairs at a time. He sees a group of men all huddled around one broken one. He jumps at the back of one of the men, barely slowing his sprint, knocking him to the ground. 

Seeing Dean bleeding and curled up on the ground brings out something primal in Castiel. He kicks a man over the railing, barely hearing the thump that follows. He punches a man with one fist and pivots to scissor-chop a man’s neck with the other. Castiel barely sees how many people there even are, barely stacks the odds in the fight: he just knows that Dean is in danger, Dean needs to be helped, Dean needs protection. 

Among the chaos, Dean has teetered to his feet and is fighting beside Castiel, landing the occasional second blow after Castiel deals the real damage. Castiel grabs Dean by the arm, leading him toward the door that opens to the hallway. He fumbles for his taser, aiming and firing at a man running toward them. 

“Go to your office and lock the door,” Castiel tells Dean, already pushing him into the hallway. He sees an argument in Dean’s eyes; Castiel barks, “Go!” 

. . . 

In the end, one man against six is a bit stacked, even for a trained bodyguard. He’s caught in a headlock and can barely see out of his left eye by the time the police arrive. 

As soon as his neck is free, the police shouting at the assailants to get on the ground around him, he stumbles into the light of the hallway and runs toward Dean’s office. 

He finds Dean with the EMTs, a blanket being put around his shoulders, a stretcher prepared for him to be taken to an ambulance downstairs. 

Castiel stands in the doorway, waves off the medic trying to treat him. “Focus on the councilman,” he snaps. 

Castiel walks beside the stretcher as they wheel Dean out of the building; Castiel can tell that Dean is pretty hurt since he barely protests to the special treatment. 

When Dean reaches for Castiel’s hand, he decides that Dean is downright delusional; nonetheless he grabs Dean’s hand tightly, refusing to let go during the whole ambulance ride to the hospital. 

. . . 

“Cas.” 

Castiel raises his head from where it’s cradled in his hands. His delirious mind mistakes the voice for Dean’s; a few blinks into the fluorescent hospital lights confirms that it’s Sam Winchester looming before him. 

He feels a whole new wave of shame overtake him. “Sam.” Castiel wipes a shaking hand over his face. “God. I don’t know how to—” He stutters out a breath. “How is he?” 

Sam sits in the plastic chair next to Castiel’s. “He’s stable. A few broken ribs, concussion… nothing too serious, though. They’re going to keep him overnight for observation.” 

Castiel nods. He can’t sit still, has a weird tremor in his leg. “I am so sorry,” he whispers. 

“How long have you been here?” Sam asks. 

It’s a ridiculous question that Castiel couldn’t care less about the answer to. “I don’t know. What time is it?” 

“They brought Dean in six hours ago,” Sam says. “I got on a flight as soon as you called me.” 

Castiel nods numbly. He doesn’t even remember that phone call. Or where his phone is now. 

“Cas.” Sam puts a hand on Castiel’s shoulder; he flinches at the touch. “Have you had anyone look at you?” 

“There was a nurse,” Castiel says. He vaguely points to his swollen left eye. “Stitches.” He can’t meet the younger Winchester’s eyes. It makes no sense that Sam’s being gentle or caring to someone who so tragically and stupidly let his older brother down. If anything, Sam should be shoving lawsuit papers underneath Castiel’s nose.

“They arrested all the guys that attacked him,” Sam says. He huffs a laugh. “Although the majority of them had to be hospitalized, too, after the number you did on them.” 

Castiel clears his throat against the scratchiness that’s rising up in it. “Dean fought back, too.” 

Sam chuckles, shakes his head. “Of course he did.” 

They sit in silence, as nurses and white coats and stretchers scurry by. Castiel keeps his eyes on the scuffed linoleum floor that’s yellowed with age.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sam says, shattering the silence. 

Sharply rising to his feet, Castiel says, “Don’t.” 

Sam stands with him. “Seriously, Cas, it wasn’t. Dean was being difficult. He ignored the dangers—and you can probably tell by now how freaking stubborn he is. I’m honestly surprised you lasted this long with him.” 

“I should have stayed by his side, no matter how much he complained,” Castiel says. “It’s part of the job. I didn’t do my due diligence, I didn’t protect him, I didn’t even see this attack coming—”

“Cas, whoa, slow down.” Sam puts a hand on his shoulder again, pulls him to face him. “These guys that attacked Dean aren’t even an alt-right group that was contacting him with those death threats. It was a completely random attack. They saw Dean go into the building and they impulsively decided to go in.” He looks imploringly at Castiel. “I don’t blame you, not even for a minute. And neither does Dean.” 

Castiel feels something thrum through him. “He’s awake?” 

“Yeah. And he’s asking for you. That’s why I came out here.” 

“I don’t—” Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t think I can—”

“I think he wants to apologize,” Sam continues, “Which for Dean is … well, frankly, a minor miracle. So don’t pass up this opportunity, okay?” 

Castiel looks for a moment at Sam’s reassuring smile. “I’ll go,” he finally relents. “At the very least to apologize to him.” 

“Whatever makes you two stubborn idiots talk to each other,” Sam says with a gentle pat on Castiel’s back. 

Dean’s hospital room is a private room with a security guard stationed in front of it. Castiel doesn’t meet the guard’s eyes as he walks in. 

Dean is on the bed, hunched over a sprawl of papers on his lap. He’s shirtless, bandages wrapped around his bare torso.

Castiel stands there for a moment, mouth open, staring at the scene. “What the ever-loving hell are you doing?” 

Dean looks up. “Hey, Cas,” he says with a lopsided grin. 

“‘Hey, Cas’?” Castiel spits out. “Are you kidding me? You’re doing work?” Dean opens his mouth to argue, barely gets a word out before Castiel is striding over to him and snatching the papers from him, dumping them on the floor. “And you shouldn’t be half-naked in a hospital where you can catch a cold,” Castiel continues, snapping Dean’s hospital gown in the air before depositing it on his head. “Put that on.” 

“Jesus, fine,” Dean tentatively putting his arms through the sleeves, wincing at the disturbed bruises on his skin. “I didn’t realize Sam hired a nanny instead of a bodyguard.” 

Castiel sits in the chair adjacent to the bed, bristling. “I won’t have you getting hurt on my watch again, Dean,” he snaps. “Not for the last few hours I’m in your employment.” 

Dean blinks. “Are you quitting?” 

Castiel looks at him incredulously. 

“Okay, yeah. Well, I probably owe you an explanation.” Dean shifts minutely in his bed. “And an apology.” 

Seeing Dean vulnerable deflates Castiel from any anger. “No, I have to apologize. If I had been there—”

“But you weren’t, because I pushed you away, Cas. The things I said to you…” Dean rubs at the eye that’s not bandaged, huffing out a sigh. “I said those awful things because I knew pissing you off wouldn’t make you go away; hurting you would. I know how to find people’s weak spots and apply pressure. It’s why I’m in politics I guess.” 

“It’s not like the things you said to me weren’t true,” Castiel says softly. “You’re right in that I did get fired. That I failed at my job. Similarly to how I failed at this one.” 

“No, Cas, that’s not it. You’re human, okay? But I just—” Dean pauses. Frowns down at his hands clasped over the thin, blue hospital blanket. “Sam was attacked last year. You know that. He didn’t get hurt, but—those people were after me. And I didn’t protect him. My whole life, it’s just been me and Sam against the world. I always protected him, kept him safe, and last year I realized that I just… can’t anymore.” He laughs, but it’s humorless. “It was fucking depressing.” 

Castiel blames it on the lack of sleep when his hand reaches out and gently grasps Dean’s arm. “Dean…” 

“And then Sam hires you because he thinks that I can’t take care of myself, and I just saw red. I saw you as this, I dunno,” Dean waves a hand in Castiel’s direction, “physical manifestation of everything I can’t do: take care of Sam or even myself from a bunch of crazy lunatics. I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.” 

Tightening his grip on Dean’s arm, Castiel says, “I shouldn’t have left you.” 

“It’s not your fault, Cas. Seriously. I don’t blame you for a second.” Dean wraps the hospital gown tighter around himself. “I blame myself, for being a coward. Not really facing the dangers that are out there.” 

Castiel shakes his head. “Dean—”

“I know there’s bad people on both sides,” Dean says, words rushing forward. “I just wanted to… I dunno. Be one of the good guys. Be brave.” 

“You are brave,” Castiel says. “You’re assertive in your beliefs, you don’t back down from your opinions just because someone dissents. That’s brave.” 

Dean shrugs, pondering on that for a minute. The heart rate monitor beats a steady thrum in the silence. “That means a lot,” he finally says. 

“Good. Because it’s true.” Castiel adds, firmly, “And protecting you has been an honor.” 

There’s a rise of color on Dean’s cheeks; he chuckles, “Jesus, Cas, buy me dinner first.” 

Castiel smiles. He pulls his hand back; as he does, Dean grabs it, just as firmly and decisively as he did while riding in the ambulance just hours before. 

“I’ve been an ass,” Dean says, “and I would understand if you don’t want to. But honestly, Cas, I want you around.” 

Castiel tries to take his hand back, but Dean holds tighter. “No, Dean. I think you’re incorrect. I wouldn’t keep you safe, I’d just—”

“I was safe until I pushed you away,” Dean says. 

Castiel can’t argue with that. He looks away from Dean’s green eyes are imploring. “I suppose that’s true,” he admits.

“I won’t do that again,” Dean says, “seriously. I’ll let you do your job. If I promise not to keep trying to dodge you, and at least, uh—try to be less stubborn and make your life easier… would you—” 

It’s the lack of sleep, Castiel thinks, it must be, because his mouth is moving and is interrupting Dean to say, “Yes.” 

Dean gapes at him. “You really want to—”

“Yes,” Castiel says again. More sure this time. He squeezes Dean’s hand tighter. “If you promise not to leave me standing in front of bathrooms again as you climb through the windows, then yes, I will stay. Keep you safe.” 

The smile Dean gives Castiel is blinding and beautiful, and if Castiel were hooked up to that heart rate monitor, it would be going wild, giving him away. It’s the first real one that Castiel’s since he started protecting Dean.

“I promise, Cas.” 

[zombiejoepino]

Chapter 7: The Fight (Cobb Vanth x OC fic)

Author's note: Thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for the long break but you know how it is with the creative process. The end is getting closer so I hope you enjoy this chapter. No pictures this time.

Word count: 4227 words

Genre: Adventure/Action/Western

Warning: angst

The dawn breaks on the dune sea, making its way for the twins. The sky is yellow, purple, and tiny traces of dark blue. Creatures run around the dusty land, chasing each other, jumping playfully until a bigger one snatches them to eat.

A blur scavenger pilots the sleek speeder gracefully across the vast wasteland, heading towards the rocky canyons. Space gets smaller at every turn but, the rider is precise with its movements. The masked figure turns its head for a moment to look at what’s coming right behind her.

The yellowish cruiser follows the rider with the same speed, making a few turns to keep going between the small spaces and fit the large structure.

The hooded figure keeps the attention back on the road and detours into a cave, impossible for the cruiser to fit in. The armored rider curses and turns around to look for another path.

Into the dark caves, the masked rider avoids all kinds of rocky structures, making sure not to crash with stones or creatures like the sleeping lizard that noticed her and roars at her. She turns before hitting the lizard and keeps moving into the darkness, looking for the end of the tunnel at some point.

She looks behind her and, with no trace of the yellow cruiser, she smiles to herself heading towards the light but, a large scaly tail hits the back of her speeder and makes her spin. She clenches it to keep balance and tries to slow down to stop spinning. The speeder wobbles and, it finally stops making her lose her balance for a moment.

Nath takes a deep breath and hears the roar. She comes out full speed and takes off into the dunes. Her hand reaches the mask and lowers it a bit to take a deep breath. The redhead licks her dry lips and smiles to herself.

“I lost him,” she thought until she picks on the peculiar sound and looks right behind her.

The Marshal flashed his pearly smile at her and waves. “What took you so long?” He yells, moving towards her. The redhead finally stops the speeder and gives him a look.

“How?” She throws her arms in the air. “There´s no way you got into that cave!”

“There are other ways to cross the canyon, princess. You just took the most difficult one.” He smirked.

“And it has nothing to do with the speed improvements I made for your cruiser?” She rests her hands on her hips and raises a brow.

Cobb shrugs and chuckles. “Ok, maybe that helped too. You wanted me to test it.” He hopped off the cruiser and moved towards her. “Did you bring the charges?”

“I set them already. Marc has the rest but he went north, just in case they wanna show up from there.”

“Which I doubt cause that’s sand people’s territory and there are only two ways that might end. You can’t reason with those monsters.” Cobb said.

“Neither you can’t reason with Qod. Before you call to pull out your blaster, he will stab you.” She explained while unloading her bag with rounded objects, the smoke bombs.

From high on a rock mesa, two more speeders can be seen gliding across the desert floor, approaching the couple. it is Marc, Triggar, his wife Kyranj, two more villagers, and a rusty R2 unit. Marc was carrying a large bag with charges and was followed by the droid. He waved at them and smiled.

“Marshal, Nath, we set the rest near the Valley. No sign of the sand people. Maybe the dragon scared them.” The young rider sets down the bag and addresses the droid. “Show them the map, R6.”

The rusted unit beeped and displayed a small hologram of the sandy area.

“We gotta keep a large distance between each charge so they can set up together once they pass around them,” Marc explained and placed the large smoke bomb on the ground.

“Are you sure that’s gonna work? What if it's a Jawa step on it by mistake?” Triggar asked.

“Nathsca and I modified these. She said she did this before.” Marc explained. “They normally work if something steps over them, but in this case, we add a small device that picks on movement.”

“So, whatever tremor over the average is detected, they will activate. It can be either a bunch of speeders or the Dragon. Whatever it is, we will know before they arrive.” The redhead added.

“If they come,” Triggar said.

“They will come,” Cobb spoke and looked back at Nath, that nodded in agreement.

“With Plog or not, Qod is very methodic. He will search around all area if it's necessary just to find us. That’s why we have to be ready.”

“So, once you place the charges, be careful with your feet and speeders, we don’t wanna set these off and let the Tusken Raiders find us,” Marc explained.

Cobb carried the bag with the charges and was followed by Marc and Trigger. The other two villagers carried the large smoke bomb and followed the trio.

Both women stayed together to place the smaller ones right outside the canyon. Nath used her bare hands to dig a small hole to place the first device that was carefully handed back by Kyranj.

“Have you done this before?” Nath asked.

“I used to work in the mines when I was about your age. We used these just to let others know if the area was safe or not.” The older brunette smiled.

“And how did you ended up in Mos Pelgo?”

“Between all political conflicts, battles and all, the Empire kinda left the slave camp. We fought and got ourselves free.”

“You all know each other for a long time, huh?” Nath covered the rest on the bomb with the sand and moved some feet away to dig the next one.

“We all come from different slave camps looking for refugees and any area away from the Empire or the Hutts. Anywhere just to be free. The Marshal knew of this abandoned town and we just followed him.” Kyranj set up the next bomb, right under the rocks.

“So you just chose him to be the Marshal?” Nath asked.

“Yes, he is a good leader and shooter.” The brunette smiled.

“Yeah, I guess.” Nath nodded. “Just not when he is wounded and being stubborn.” She muttered.

“What about you? Are you sure you are not royalty or something?” Kyranj asked and smiled at her. “I can’t understand why a bunch of pirates are after you.”

“Well, this is personal for Qod. He wants to find me and kill me just to make a point.” She digs into the sand to bury the small bomb. “And he is good at finding people. He did it for a long time for the Empire.”

“Sounds to me like an angry ex,” Kyranj said.

“Well, you are not wrong about that. He was my… let’s say he is very possessive. He fired a Mon Calamari once just for talking to me. It took me a while to make him understand he was there to fix his cruiser, but Qod didn’t care about that and still got mad at me.” She explained.

“Did you even liked him?” Kyranj asked.

Nath shrugged and chuckled. “I know the normal thing to do would be falling in love and all. When I met him, I was afraid of him. I thought he was going to shoot me for stealing from him but he didn’t do anything. He gave me a long stare and asked me to be part of his crew.

At that moment, I felt important. I had no one else, no family or friends so, he made me his woman even though he is way older. It was nice to be something to someone, but, I never thought he was that bad and I didn’t mind when he dragged me into his criminal crew cause I was tired of my planet, I needed to get out and we kinda used each other.” She paused.

“Then he got possessive and you can figure out the rest. I keep having nightmares about him.”

“And how do you cope with that?”

“Not sleeping but since I got here I’ve been able to sleep better even if I'm stressed.”

“I suppose the stress drains you, even from your nightmares. Or maybe it's because you're staying with The Marshal.” She smiled at Nath.

“What?” She laughs and shakes her head.

“Think about it. He is an honest man and makes you feel safe. He has no shady intentions and keeps his word on protecting others. Dunno, I thought you two had a thing.”

“What thing? He is … he just let me stay there.” The redhead rolled her eyes.

“There are rumors.” The brunette teases. “There´s nothing wrong with liking Marshal Vanth. He seems to like you.”

“But I'm not sure if I like him.” The redhead shrugged.

“You are not sure or you don’t want to admit it?”

Nath was about to say something but she noticed the men approaching them. Both of them rushed to stand up and joined the group.

“We covered the area, so, it's time to move,” Cobb said. “Might be a day or two before they come. I dunno if they are using their ship or speeders to show up. I´ll take my chances on the speeders.” He paused and looked back at the redhead. “What do you think, Roznev?”

Nath just gave him a slight nod. “Expect anything from him.”

The cruisers and speeders took off across the mighty dunes. The young redhead was having second thoughts about this situation. Even though the town was willing to fight back, Nath knew Qod and his ruthless men.

After the last job and getting a bit paranoid, the crew got way smaller. Some members went missing or were found dead without explanation, but Nath knew that Qod was behind it. He was taking down all members from that last mission and putting together a new crew. Now, she regretted running away from him cause that would give him enough reasons to believe she was the traitor. She panicked, escaped, and dragged all these people into her mess.

The Marshal noticed her getting lost in thoughts. He knew that look.

…

Mos Espa. Morning.

Anyone that walked by the Sullustan shop got curious about the large rounded structure and peculiar wings. Some of them still remember when the TIEs flew around the large dunes, making flying tests near the Valley that would scare the Sandpeople or other creatures.

Unlike Hutts that killed creatures for fun, the Empire was more practical and blew up full caves with Tusken Raiders or even a Sandcrawler.

They didn’t like anyone with shady operations and if these hooded creatures denied joining them, it was easier to take them out. Eventually, the Empire's influence lowered they abandoned the planet, letting the Hutts take over once more.

Whatever the Empire left of equipment, ships, anything useful, was sold around in the black market. If you were able to find the proper Sandcrawler, the Jawas might show you the real goods but only to locals or regular customers.

No matter how long he spoke and tried to make them give away the goods, the Jawas never gave away full information of their goods.

The nervous Sullustan kept talking with them about the pieces and the Jawas shook their heads.

“But this would be enough” He chatted with the tiny figures that took the bag with credits and then tossed it away shaking their heads.

Some started to pull other used pieces for the ship but the Sullustan shook his head. He felt the zabrak's eyes over the back of his head and showed the piece on his holster. He gave him a helpless look.

“They don’t have imperial parts and none of them are good enough for the Captain´s ship.”

The zabrak gave him a look and covered the holster with his long tunic. He showed his toothy smile at him.

“Then, keep looking. The Captain expects you to put together that ship before he comes back.”

…

The dune sea.

A large cruiser zoomed across the sandy area, followed by 3 smaller speeders. The main rider kept his eyes front the whole time, clenching his fists into the handlebars. Qod was done relying on others to catch the woman. He knew her, she was always a slippery one but this time she got too lucky; A Mandalorian was guarding her. She probably used the gems to buy the protection, so talking to the bounty hunter would be useless, he thought.

The first time he saw Nathsca, she was just a lost child who dared to steal from him. In a normal situation, he would shoot down whoever tries it, but this girl was special, Qod saw her potential. It was easy to manipulate, didn’t require much care but he made a big mistake; he underestimates her.

It didn’t bother him that she decided to leave and cut all ties from him, the problem was that she stole from him again. She spoiled a simple deal with those slave traders and his weapons. Rumors started to spread about him, about how a simple scavenger fooled the ex-imperial pilot. He couldn’t allow that.

He decided that Nathsca deserved to die. He would find another girl for the traders, but he wanted to be there to finish all. His heart started to rose when he thought about it. A slow and painful death. He didn’t need a blaster to do it. His bare hands would be enough to snap the slim neck, to feel her helpless fists trying to fight back and feel the last gasp.

He never took pleasure in killing a woman, but she deserved his whole attention.

His thoughts snapped when he noticed something ahead. The cruiser stopped and he made a signal to make the crew stop.

One of his men, the masked Chiss, jumped off his speeder and took out the binoculars to picture the moving shape. It was a loose Bantha and the body of a dead farmer. He quickly turned back to the Captain.

“Tusken Raiders.”

“Are you sure?” The Captain asked.

“Looks like it. I think we should find another way to cross the Valley.”

Qod remained calm but he hated these kinds of delays. He wouldn’t mind shooting down the sand people, but those creatures always came in larger groups. Even with his skills and his companions, they wouldn’t be enough to defeat the monsters.

The cruiser and the speeders took off from the area, heading south. Circling the Valley was their only choice. It would take them another day to arrive at the dead mining place.

From the distance, a small group of Tusken Raiders observed the strangers. They stood tall and proud now that invaders were gone.

…

Mos Pelgo

Farmers and all villagers were moving around the dusty town. The town’s foundation is based on fighting back for their right to freedom. They never had a peaceful time at all. One day it was the Dragon eating the Banthas, the next day would be the Tusken Raiders stealing their water, or, a new mining company wanting to control everything. So, expecting a bunch of pirates was not that bad.

All former slaves knew how to handle a weapon when it was necessary. Not everyone had an accurate shot, but just enough to scare invaders away. Some of them gather around to practice their close-range shooting and others were around the canyons to practice long-range shooting.

The Marshal was practicing too, even though he was still recovering from the last battle. A normal pull worked as usual but he was still struggling with the cross pull, yet, he could move better than before and feel no pain. He smiled to himself when he got 2 perfect shots in a row of cross pulling.

He looked around the other shooters and everyone getting ready but his eyes scanned the area looking for someone in particular. Even though they didn’t know each other that much, Vanth made up his mind about the young scavenger. He likes her. That’s all. He tried to be forward about it but she keeps running away. He even started to wonder if it was cause he was too old. Maybe if he was a few years younger, it would be a different story.

Vanth never had time for distractions and never allowed himself to them. Of course, there were some women in his past but all of them were different from each other and Nathsca was not an exception.

For a start, she is a beauty and, he could keep going about her physical features, but he needed to focus. Her strong attitude didn't bother him, most likely, he found it appealing. What worried him about her was that she is hiding something all the time.

The footsteps interrupted his thoughts when he saw a familiar face walking towards him. It was the young Marc.

“Hey Marshal” the young one flashed a smile. “I was hoping to check the whole plan again with you and Nathsca, but I haven’t seen her around, I thought you might know.”

“Isn't it she in the school or with Kyranj?” The Marshal said.

“No, I asked everyone and no one has seen her around.”

Cobb frowned, kept his blaster back in the holster, and rushed back to his place. The rooms were empty, the canister was no longer in the pantry, one of his blasters was missing and whatever belonging she had, they were missing too. He took a deep breath and felt that sting in his chest.

Marc followed him and looked around making a face. “Do you think someone took her?”

Cobb just shook his head and huffed.

“Uhm, I dunno if it seems important but she seemed kinda interested in the west.”

“West?”

“Yeah, before we discuss the whole plan, she came to me and asked me about the map. She seemed pretty interested in the west area. I read that there’s was some old spaceport around there during the pre-empire times.”

…

The roar was heard in the canyons when the bike zoomed across it. The masked rider's hands were clenching the handlebars, her eyes remained front the whole time but her mind was drifting away.

The whole village was ready to fight the intruders if they ever show up at some point. Nath tried to make up her mind and beg the Marshal to stop the plan, but he was determined to fight for her.

She knew that they could be smarter than the Captain but there was still that voice in her head that kept pushing her to run away, but this time it was not clear with its intentions. The first time, she ran off because of fear, this time her fear was different.

For the past few days, she started to embrace the idea that maybe there was a chance for her to have a proper home, friends, and why not someone that might care for her. There were also those mixed feelings about the Marshal. She didn’t want to admit the obvious and that scared her.

What if you run away before you admit it? What if you run before you lose him?

She tried to kick the ideas away but that loner role didn’t fit her anymore. They knew a lot about each other, they kept learning from their body language, and those nights at his place, the tension was palpable that he even noticed it too. Before anything happened, Vanth started his night shifts again just to leave her alone.

Those nights, an idea built upon her mind. She needed a plan B just in case things went south. If the whole conflict started for the gems, then she needed to hide them better or worst, get rid of them.

She started to talk with Marc during the daytime, letting him show her his inventions and whatever junk he had until she found what she wanted: the map in the R2 unit.

They started to talk about the whole west area, the unexplored one, the sand people territory, and such. Nath did her best to drag her attention into building the bombs to scare the invaders but her mind was busy with the side project.

Vanth mentioned to her once that if she was not careful, she would take the wrong step and fall into a Sarlacc pit, since they are pretty common in the dunes. Nath had to find the pit and hide the gems there. Whoever tried to reach them, would have to face death first.

Now the tricky part was finding the Sarlacc and telling Vanth about it was not an option. She needed to do this by herself.

Her ideas cut off when the yellow cruiser cut her way right at the end of the canyon. Nath did her best to maneuver the bike and not crash with him. She stopped right away and finally looked up to face the armored rider.

Vanth had this look on his face that she couldn’t place if it was anger or something else. They remained silent for a moment before she said something.

“What are you doing?”

“I was about to ask you the same, Roznev.” He said, keeping the intense and serious stare.

“Well, you almost crashed with me.” She huffed in anger and jumped off the bike.

“That´s not the point.” He jumped off the cruiser and walked towards her.

“No? What if I get hurt again?” She growled.

“Why are you running away with the gems?”

Nath tried to say something and looked at him. “It´s not…”

“Then explain yourself, cause it's not the first time you lie or hide things from me.” His voice was different from her. Cold, distant, a little rude too.

“Cobb…” she tried to talk.

“I'm Marshal to you.” He cut her again. “You come to my town, put my people under risk, and for what? So you can escape and leave them behind?” He chuckled.

“What are you even talking about?” She gave him a look. “I was coming back later.”

“It didn’t look like it and you keep forgetting that I know these dunes better than you. So, we can do this in two ways. Come with me and I will take you with the New Republic authorities or…” His hand was near the blaster.

Nath couldn’t believe any word he was saying. What got into him? A few hours ago he was all smiley at her.

“I haven’t done anything. Why are you acting like that?” She yelled and walked towards him but stop when she realized that he kept his hand on the blaster.

“Right there is good.” He said but the girl started to move again.

“Marshal, please, let’s talk.”

“If you wanna say something you can say it from right there. I can hear you.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “So, that’s it? You suddenly believe whatever got into your mind and ignore the times I was by myself but didn’t run away?”

“Maybe you were waiting for the right time and let us deal with your partners.” He gave her a look but his hand remains near the holster.

Nath felt her body a little shaky, she was squeezing her fists and couldn’t believe what was happening.

“You know that’s a lie.”

“Is it?” He kept the hazel ones on her.

Nath took a deep breath and felt her eyes getting teary from frustration and something else. All those days talking, knowing each other, apparently, it all disappeared until something click on her. Trust, she just broke Vanth´s trust with this, but she didn’t want to risk him more. She had a lot to say but couldn’t place the words.

She needed to do something and started to walk towards him, keeping her gaze upon him.

“Roznev, Im warning you.”

She didn’t care and kept moving.

For the first time in his life, Vanth froze. In another situation, he wouldn’t hesitate and put a criminal down, but he was having second thoughts. Even though the girl lied to him many times, those feelings were jumping around his head, messing up his judgment towards her.

He needed to act, but, before he moved his hand, he felt her small palm across his face.

Slap.

He took a deep breath and faced her again. She was shaking, her eyes got red and, tears were running down her cheeks.

The woman rose her hand once more to smack him but this time he stopped her hand. Nath used her free hand and he stopped it too, overpowering her a little. She pushed and tried to wiggle out but, she gave up easily, keeping an intense stare at each other.

He was annoyed, she was hurt but, he noticed that her expression softens for a moment. That caught him off guard.

The space between them got smaller and, the first thing that crossed her mind was to lean forward and headbutt him, instead, her lips crushed his. She would expect them to be dry or chapped but, they were pretty soft.

Cobb didn’t think much and gave in to the kiss, their mouth synchronizing, his whiskers brushing the sides on her mouth, tasting her luscious lips.

The grip from his hands disappeared and, they interwind their fingers as they gave in to it, ignoring whatever was around them, until, they were interrupted when the explosion roared in the dunes.

They quickly back off from each other. Cobb looked at Nath and rushed to his cruiser. “Go back to town, now.” He yelled.

“No, that was not supposed to happen, Marshal. I´m coming with you.” She frowned

.

[chroniclackofselfpreservation]

Creatures of the Night

Chapter 20 - as in the midst of battle

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AO3

Masterlist

(TW: toxic relationships, mild gore/fighting)

(The title of the chapter comes from “Sonnet XXV” by George Santayana)

Roman led his friends back into the forest, trying to ignore the sour feeling growing in his gut. It was high noon, and the sun filtered down through the trees in broken rays. The woods looked so different in the daytime. Almost beautiful. Despite how upset it would make them both, and the points to the contrary they’d posed, Roman still thought Patton and Logan would be safer away from the fight. Roman had learned to deal with dangerous situations with nothing but his own skills and quick thinking. Three more people, two of which that were far more vulnerable, increased the number of things he had to think about tenfold. Not to mention their plan was rather half-baked and incoherent at this point. Roman simply hoped that by the time they got to the meadow, the ideas would start coming. Ursula could show up at any moment. They had to be ready to act.

Instead of worrying endlessly, Roman simply kept running over the handful of witchtongue phrases and words Virgil had taught him just in case things got hairy. Be careful, he’d admonished. You don’t have control of your powers yet, so you can’t control how powerful each word’s going to be. It could be like setting off a bomb.

Behind him, Logan drilled Virgil about the magical properties of everyday substances, desperately trying to formulate some kind of attack strategy.

“So, rosemary enhances magic?”

“Sort of,” said Virgil, struggling to explain. “It’s more like it concentrates it in one area. Keeps it from going wrong.”

“Anything else? Something also available to us?”

Virgil stuffed his hands in his oversized pockets, thinking. Patton had his cardigan on, and even Logan wore a windbreaker. It was a little chilly, now that Roman thought about it, but he’d always run hot, even as a kid. He had his usual weapons strapped to his body, but aside from that, just a t-shirt and jeans.

“Coffee puts us to sleep,” Virgil offered.

“So that’s why you never drink it!” Patton exclaimed. “Maybe we could blow a bunch in her face?”

“It’s not a tranquilizer,” he amended. “More like melatonin. It just makes us drowsy and lethargic.”

“We’re almost there,” Roman announced, but the three others were too engrossed in their planning to take notice. He didn’t mind. Roman wasn’t much of a planner. He was a shoot-and-stab first, come-up-with-brilliant-strategies later kind of guy.

As they walked, Roman let his mind wander to Dorian. Was he sleeping? If so, where was he?

A familiar tugging sensation filled his mind, and somehow, he just knew which direction Dorian was. Southeast, about three miles. The location popped into his mind just as easily as any one of his normal thoughts. It felt similar to how he’d found the Silkweed, and that strange sensation he’d felt that night outside the forest with the—

Roman audibly gasped, stopping in his tracks. Logan bumped into him.

“Roman? What—”

“It was you!” he breathed, pointing at Virgil.

Virgil paled, immediately nervous. “What was me?”

“You were the cat that kept following me to the forest every night!”

Virgil relaxed a touch. “You’re just figuring this out now?”

“Well, I mean. Kinda. I guess I didn’t connect the two,” he said, flushing. “Whatever, let’s keep going. We’re almost there.” Roman turned around and continued plodding through the trees, trying to hide his embarrassment. He’d had full on mental breakdowns in front of that cat. He’d talked about Virgil to it. It was comforting, and really sweet, actually—but also incredibly embarrassing.

“Okay,” Logan began slowly, “back to the matter at hand, I guess. Are there any substances that have negative effects? Ones that we can use against Ursula?”

“I mean, iron’s a classic, but there isn’t much of that just lying around,” Virgil said.

“What are its properties?”

“It cancels out magic.”

Logan sighed. “You’re going to have to be more specific than that, Virgil. What are the constraints? The parameters?”

“Well,” Virgil said as they arrived at the meadow, “magic can’t pass through it. So, if someone was behind an iron door, or in an iron cage, no magic could get in or out. In the Witchlands, they use iron cuffs to bind prisoners.”

“And what of iron in a powder form? What if a person were to become covered in it?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never seen it before. I guess it could cancel out their powers, but it wouldn’t be as concentrated as solid metal. My guess is it’ll simply destroy any control over their spells, or decrease their power.”

They stopped in the middle of the clearing.

“Fantastic,” Logan muttered to himself, staring at the ground, lost in thought.

“Where are we supposed to get iron powder?” Patton asked.

Logan squatted down, pressing his fingers into the dirt. “Right here. Virgil, do you know of any spells that could draw iron from the ground?”

“I’m sure I can figure something out,” he said with that same smile that crossed his face anytime the mention of performing magic was made.

“Now, be careful,” Logan warned. “Iron is a necessary nutrient for plant life.”

“Don’t kill the forest. Got it.”

Roman watched as Virgil knelt down, pulling the talisman from his jacket pocket and placing a hand on the ground. He opened his mouth, then stopped, eyebrows knitting together.

“What rhymes with stone?”

Logan brightened. “Tone, sloan, own, bone, zone—tome and roam are slant rhymes, but I’m sure they’ll work.”

“Disown,” Roman said. Atone was also in there, but he refrained from offering that one.

“Shown? Or known?” Patton chimed in.

“That’ll work,” Virgil said, and returned his attention to the ground. “Seek and find the hidden stone, bring it hence and make it known.”

The ground shuddered and beneath Virgil’s palm sprouted a pile of iron flecks, and a few larger pebbles.

“Jahsti,” he said softly, that strange tone to his voice that made Roman’s heart race and fingers tingle. Logan flinched ever so slightly. The iron seemed to vibrate, and soon all the flecks and pebbles were reduced to a fine powder. There was only enough for a fistful, maybe less.

“Wonderful,” Logan said, gathering the substance up in his hand.

“So, what’s the plan?” Roman asked, unconsciously scanning the treeline. “We somehow get close enough to her to chuck the stuff in her face?”

“That’s a rather simplistic way of putting it, but yes,” Logan said. He had that look in his eye. The one that betrayed a million calculations and ideas finally coming together.

A rare grin stretched across his face. “Patton, how fast can you run?”

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

Dorian lay on the top of a sheer cliff, bathing in the sunlight. Winter was approaching. He shuddered at the thought. Sure, he didn’t need to be warm to live—just like he didn’t need to sleep, or eat, or breathe—but that didn’t mean he wasn’t able to enjoy one and hate another. The cold reminded him of his time in the dungeons.

In his periphery, he could sense the little prince and his friends a few miles northwest of him. Perhaps they planned on confronting the Dragon Witch today? Dorian reveled in the fact that he couldn’t care less. Either they took care of his problem, or he got to kill Ursula and the little prince.

Who he hadn’t become fond of in the least.

Obviously.

Under normal circumstances, Dorian wouldn’t have been so out in the open, let alone sunbathing atop a clifftop, letting his scales shine like beacons. Again, it felt good to have no worries.

And yet, the little prince’s presence kept nagging at the back of his mind. What was their plan? How could they hope to defeat such a power with the prince so oblivious to his own? They had no chance, really. It was bound to end in disaster, and they’d no doubt come crawling to him for assistance.

Which he wouldn’t offer. Under any circumstance.

This is ridiculous, Dorian thought, and in a snap of brilliant golden light, returned to his human form. He needed to clear his head.`

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

Dorian stood at the treeline. Now that the curse was broken, he, too, should be able to leave the premises of the forest. Something that surely wasn’t fear curdled in the pit of his stomach. He’d never approached a human settlement before. Even while hunting Ursula all those centuries, he’d avoided the places as well he could.

Steeling himself, Dorian stepped into the yellow-grass field separating the township from the forest. He would have expected some sort of reaction, even a tingle up his spine, but of course nothing did. He trudged through the field and slipped between two houses. The street was lined with residencies and nothing else. The town square must be around here somewhere, he reasoned, and stepped out into the middle of the road. It was hard, like stone, but blackened and smelly, as if a dragon had scorched it with its breath.

Clasping his hands behind his back, Dorian strode down the middle of the street. Small humans—even smaller than the little prince—rode past on strange two-wheeled contraptions, staring at him with open mouths. While Dorian knew that magicless mortals such as these could not see the scales marring the left side of his face, he wondered if they saw some other kind of deformation more familiar to them. A burn, perhaps?

They continued away from him, stopping behind one of the large metal machines that littered the sides of the street and peeking out at him. Dorian continued down the road, twitching his finger in the direction of the machine. A blaring alarm rang out and various white, yellow, and red lights began flashing. The children yelped in fright and scampered away. Dorian contained a smile.

One of the large machines was moving toward him rapidly. A similar alarm blared at him and the woman inside made a gesture with her middle finger as she gradually slowed down. Dorian cocked his head to the side, and the machine’s engine made an awful cranking sound, black smoke billowing up from the front end. Another jerk of his head, and the entire contraption slid to the side of the road, out of his way.

This might be fun.

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

“VIRGIL!” a voice screeched in the distance, ringing like an ornery bird call through the trees. Roman froze, a chill shooting down his neck. He cast a glance Virgil’s direction. He looked paler than normal, and clutched his talisman so tightly, he would have killed it, had it been alive.

Roman knew where Logan and Patton were simply because they’d planned it, but he couldn’t resist using his newfound ability to be absolutely sure. Patton was thirty feet east of him and Virgil. Logan was even farther east. One hundred and twenty-seven feet, to be exact.

“Where are you, cat?!” Ursula screamed in frustration. Roman refrained from using his ability on the witch, just in case he ended up giving their location away. From where they crouched in the bushes, she sounded only a couple hundred feet up the slope of the mountain.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Virgil muttered.

“What?”

“She should know exactly where I am. I’m her familiar,” he said. “I don’t know why she can’t find me.”

“Well, whatever the reason, let’s count ourselves lucky,” Roman said. Though, for their plan to work, they needed Ursula to find them. Reaching into the bush, Roman grabbed one of the branches and snapped it. This needed to seem unintentional.

Sure enough, the witch began stomping down the hill toward them. Her hair was silvery as Roman remembered, though she wore pants, tennis shoes, and a streamlined running jacket. She almost looked like a normal human.

Her eyes scanned the trees. She still seemed unable to pinpoint their exact location.

“I can sense you, kitty,” she muttered.

Before Virgil could make his mind up to bolt in the other direction, Roman grabbed his arm and stood up out of the bush, pulling Virgil up with him.

“We’re right here, Ursula.”

Her eyes snapped to him, then to Virgil. Roman could feel him shaking beneath his jacket. The witch smiled and lifted her hands in a gesture of goodwill.

“I’m not here for you, princey. Virgil’s been misbehaving recently, and I think it’s time he got a reminder who’s in charge around here.”

“You’re not going anywhere near him,” Roman said, unsheathing his sword.

Ursula cocked an eyebrow. “You sure you don’t want to save that for the demon? Be a shame to tire yourself out before the curse even starts.”

“Leave us alone. You have no business here.”

The witch’s expression darkened. “Where are the rest of your friends, kitty? Didn’t want to join the party?”

On cue, Patton wandered out of his hiding place, calling, “Roman? Virgil? Come on guys, where are you? Logan’s worried sick!”

Roman let out a curse, and a smile stretched across Ursula’s face.

“Patton! Get out of here!” he shouted. Patton’s head snapped in their direction.

“No,” Ursula crooned. “Why don’t you come over here, dear?” She curled a finger towards herself and muttered, “Nohmai.”

Patton jerked forward, as if drawn by a string sprouting from the middle of his chest. Roman’s breath caught. Just like his curse. Patton’s feet skidded across the forest floor as he was drawn toward the witch, his face one of fear and confusion.

Virgil nudged him. Roman started, remembering the plan.

“Baesta!” he cried, concentrating as well he could on the invisible connection between the two of them. Power surged out of him with the strangest sensation Roman had ever felt. It was like blood flowing back into a limb that had fallen asleep.

A deep groove tore into the ground and branches were shorn from trees as some invisible force barreled out of him. The furrow separated Patton and Ursula, and he stumbled to a stop a few paces from her. The witch looked at Roman, astounded.

“You’ve discovered your powers.”

“Patton, run!” Roman barked.

Responding faster than he probably should have, Patton turned on his heel and sprinted in the direction he’d come.

Almost as if he’d expected it.

She’s going to try to use him as leverage, Logan had explained. She’ll see him as the weakest member and since she can’t kill or harm Roman and risk him dying, she’ll try to threaten Patton’s life in exchange for Virgil. As long as you and Virgil can keep her from using magic to capture Patton, the plan will work smoothly.

The chase began without preamble. Ursula dashed after Patton with far more speed than a woman of her age should have been able. Roman and Virgil sprinted after them.

Roman was pleased to find that Patton wasn’t just a good runner; he was shockingly fast. His feet beat the ground in a quick pace, his strides long and loping, yet he swerved around trees and over logs with ease. He was easily faster than Ursula and Roman, and could probably keep up with Virgil in cat form.

They were fast approaching Logan’s hiding place. Thankfully, due to his total lack of magical ability, Virgil had said it would be near impossible for her to sense Logan’s presence.

Don’t let any of it touch you or Virgil, Logan had warned. We want to disable her powers, not all of yours.

Ten more feet.

Ursula growled in frustration, snarling, “Eirholme,” and rising into the air.

Five feet.

She picked up speed, her outstretched hand just centimeters from the collar of Patton’s cardigan.

Roman and Virgil swerved out from behind her just in time to avoid the plume of iron powder Logan flung directly into Ursula’s face as she passed.

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

Dorian stood outside the small, two-story house, nose crinkled in disgust. He’d abandoned his quest to find the center of the village when he’d caught the unmistakable stench of magic.

The house was ripe with it. It was bound to happen, given that the last heir to the Witch’s Inheritance, a sybil, and the world’s most powerful witch’s familiar were all living in the same vicinity. He figured they were simply lucky they hadn’t attracted more attention.

Most likely, it was his own scent that had kept any stray magical creatures wandering the outside world at bay. He smelled of death, and he knew it.

Not at all curious, but simply wanting to get out of the public eye for a while—at least until people stopped getting all agitated about thier machines acting up—Dorian stepped up the front porch steps. The door was locked. A simple touch, and the door opened for him.

The odor was even worse inside. Dorian couldn’t fathom how the familiar had stood it all these years. Then again, Dorian used to live in the Witchlands. That scent had once been the smell of home.

He hadn’t sensed such an aroma in hundreds of years.

The house itself was quaint, with a relatively open kitchen and living space. Dorian found a carpeted staircase tucked against a wall and wandered up it. The smell grew stronger.

Four rooms, a bathroom, and a linen closet. He could tell which was the little prince’s without having to open the door, despite it hanging open, revealing a mess of clutter and clothes. He’d grown used to the boy’s particular odor by now. The familiar’s simply smelled like the Witchlands. The third had no particular scent whatsoever. Peeking inside, Dorian found the room studiously neat and well kept. Boring.

What he was most interested in, actually, was the sybil’s room. The child had come out of nowhere, with significantly more power than any other sybil Dorian had come across while in the Queen’s court.

He ran a finger across the door handle and sniffed it. Nothing too suspicious. Easing the door open, he stepped inside. The room was… warm. Homey, if Dorian had to put a word to it. Not much in the way of possessions, unlike the little prince.

Dorian sniffed.

Something was off. The room smelled of the prediction magic typical of everyday sybils, but there was something else. An undertone he hadn’t sensed since his days in the Queen’s dungeons.

Something… prophetic. Divine, even.

A loud thud from downstairs pulled Dorian from his thoughts. Eyes narrowing, he exited the room and slipped silently down the stairs.

The thudding continued. Dorian ambled curiously down the hallway it originated from. Being as powerful as he was, he didn’t have much to worry about in the way of danger.

Turning the corner, he was surprised to find a door, sealed shut with a glowing, violet sigil. The thudding turned to scrabbling at the edges of the door, trying for purchase on any one of the hinges or edges.

The mark of Avalian, Dorian mused to himself, running a finger across the sigil. It sparked and smoked at his touch.

“What are you hiding?” he muttered, pressing his palm into the wood of the door. Dorian slowly wiped his hand across the mark, wincing ever so slightly as it scorched the skin of his hand in protest. Despite the spell’s noble efforts, however, it eventually gave up and dissipated.

The door swung open.

“…swear I’ll stuff a pixie up that cat’s nose and tie his tail to a—”

Dorian’s mouth ticked up into a smile. “Hello, there.”

                                                * * * * * * * * * *

Ursula screamed and fell to the ground, rolling several times. Whatever magic that kept her flying stopped. Patton jogged to a stop a few feet away. Logan leaped out of the bush, breathless with excitement.

“It worked!”

Roman rushed forward, brandishing his blade. Ursula wiped her face furiously with her hands.

“What did you do?!” she wailed, tears from her bloodshot eyes streaking down her face. She coughed. “Iron?!”

“That’s right,” Roman said, pointing his sword at her chest. “Don’t move.”

“Or what?” she said, spitting iron-tainted saliva out onto the ground. “You’ll kill me? We both know you can’t—aaah!” Ursula cried as he drew his blade across her thigh.

“You don’t know what I will or won’t do, witch,” he growled. “I’ve promised a very powerful demon that I’d kill you in exchange for my freedom. Seems like a tempting offer.”

“You brat. No wonder Virgil’s been acting up.”

“He’s not your property,” Logan said, brushing the remaining iron dust off his hands. Patton came to stand next to him. Ursula eyed them both.

“You stupid mortals would never understand. The kind of bond between a witch and their familiar is for life. There’s no going back.”

“He’s done pretty well without you, so far,” Roman countered. “Besides, you’re powerless now. You’re not exactly threatening.”

“Well,” she said with a smile. “I think the little prince needs to be taught a lesson, don’t you, kitty?”

“Roman, do it,” Virgil said hastily.

“What?”

“Kill her! Now! Before—”

“Dokuah Kulong,” Ursula rasped, gesturing toward Logan and Patton.

Roman’s heart dropped to his feet. One second, his friends were standing there, looks of surprise and confusion on their faces, and the next, they were just gone. As if they’d never been there. The world seemed to tilt around Roman, and he couldn’t think straight. She hadn’t… they couldn’t be… could they?

A wounded cry tore from Virgil’s throat.

Ursula was on her feet in seconds, disarming Roman, shoving him to the ground, and throwing his sword into the trees.

“Pounu!” she cried. To their right, several gallons worth of water appeared out of nowhere, sloshing over the ground and soaking Roman’s clothes. She growled in frustration and started for the water, desperately scrubbing mud over her skin, trying to rid herself of the iron powder. She’d obviously meant for it to appear right over her, but the iron was apparently doing its job.

“Makoaste duu fahrnistahll,” Virgil rumbled, his arms raised chest-level, the tendons on the back of his hands pulling taut as his fingers contorted. Tears streaked his cheeks, and his eyes held a fury that made even Roman’s stomach clench.

The world around them seemed to glitch, nothing staying in one place. The ground undulated and grew soft, Roman having to grab hold of the nearest tree to keep from sinking into it. The dirt around Ursula’s feet sunk in on itself, like someone had pulled an enormous drain deep below the ground. An absolutely terrifying noise emanated from the sucking earth. A low, bone-rattling note, like the earth itself were groaning.

Roman, it seemed, was already weak from the one word he’d uttered, and found it difficult to keep a grip on the tree. He was buried up to his waist, the ground pulling at his ankles like quicksand. Hopefully, Virgil wasn’t so enthralled in his fight he ended up pulling Roman into it as well.

Ursula was covered nearly head-to-toe in mud. Preoccupied with trying not to be buried alive, she paid Roman little attention.

“Eirholme!” Ursula rose into the air, the angry black dirt following her, tugging at her feet. She raised a muddy hand and screamed, “Kazhta!”

Virgil gasped, collapsing to the ground. The dirt immediately fell slack, jittering and twitching as Virgil thrashed and screamed on the ground, grabbing at his back.

“Virgil!” Roman cried, trying desperately to free the lower half of his body from the dirt. It was no use. His sword was somewhere lost in the trees. He tried to locate it, but he was too frazzled. He couldn’t concentrate.

Virgil tore his jacket off, revealing countless shallow gashes torn up and down his arms. His back was criss-crossed by them as well, soaking his black shirt crimson. More appeared every second. If it went on much longer, he’d be cut to ribbons.

Ursula approached Virgil, her feet alighting on the ground like she was an apparition.

Roman fought back tears of fear and frustration as he tried to pull himself out of the earth with the hold he had on a low branch. The limb snapped.

“Remember this, kitty,” Ursula crooned, placing a hand on his trembling shoulder. She looked over at Roman, favoring the leg he’d injured.

“You both belong to me.”

And with that, she muttered a quick, “Dokuah Cairo,” and disappeared without a trace.

[nathalie-sancoeur-assistant]

Feast spoilers

Okay so here begins all my thoughts and feelings on the newest ep, from start to finish. I need to get them out there. This is just like what I did for “Ladybug”- I won’t be doing these for all the episodes, only the ones that really get my mind running. 

First things first, we get a shot of Nathalie right in the beginning, right in the center of the screen- and Jagged stone is right there. I guess that’s a tidbit of fuel for all the Jagged x Nathalie shippers out there.

“The highest mountain tops of tibet” 

Me: Tibet? That’s where Gabriel and Emilie got their miraculous. 

Okay so Alya is a BOMB reporter, okay, she’s awesome. But did it not cross her mind that this could potentially help Hawkmoth too? He undoubtedly follows the Ladyblog. If you’re going to go to these lengths, then do not publish what you have found online. Wait until you next find Ladybug and Chat Noir on patrol- THEN you can publish them for the public to see AFTER Hawkmoth has been defeated. 

“Until for some unknown reason they disappeared, and the world forgot about them” I feel like there’s a little more to that line than meets the eye- because yes, sure, Master Fu did some funky ish when he was young and it’s been 200 years since they were last heard of, however, even in 200 years you would think there would be some historical documents or something speaking of these mysterious supers that just come and go. Just...something, you know? I feel like there might have been effort to wipe out the memory of the miraculous by someone. Or maybe Im just looking to far into something that’s already been explained. 

I wonder how this lady treated Nooroo. She looks so graceful- is that her while transformed? If so I gotta say I much prefer her simple transformation to Hawkmoth’s. I dunno, I just really like this. Being able to see some of Nooroo and Plagg and Tikki’s previous holders being memorialized. I wonder if they ever have the urge to go visit museums where their previous masters are displayed- I wonder if they miss them. Or talk about them. 

“Hercules, or, lion miraculous holder?”

Me at first: Lion miraculous? Well there’s a tiger but I think that’s a longshot- 

Fu later on: The sentimonster ate other miraculous boxes 

Me: o h. 

Alix: Why not a bunny miraculous while you’re at it 

Me: You did not just.

There’s an app for everything these days, isn’t there?

She’s ready for her close-up!

Seriously though, I love how she has become a more prominent character and actually gets shots like this. 

Also, why did she not sense the amok until she saw the statue? Does the peacock miraculous harm the wearer even if not transformed (I ask because of her reaction)

Bye bye little butterfly

Also, I love her shoes now that we have a close-up of them. 

Jagged looks a bit concerned- but look at Adrien

This poor child, he doesn’t even hesitate to jump to her aid. He loves her so much. 

And the way she speaks to him here, she sounds motherly. “It’s nothing, Adrien” I think this is the first time we’ve seen them have any kind of intimate mother/son physical contact too.

And he is immediately done- he just wants her to get home where she can relax. He’s so concerned for his step-mom, it’s going to break him when he finds out who she is. Snap him right in half like a glow-stick.

is he holding her arm?

“I never should have entrusted her with the miraculous” She’s actually having doubts about trusting her best friend. I’ve been there honey. 

Oof, Fu looks so terrified. And also kinda like a chipmunk. 

“Alya is an excellent journalist. Sooner or later she would have discovered this secret kept under wraps for centuries” I can’t tell if he was throwing shade or not. 

So basically, Master Fu was taken from his home from a young age by a bunch of monks saying he was chosen for a very important job. They but him through rigorous tests to train him into being a capable guardian for the miraculous and as a result of starving a sad young boy the temple got burned down. Sounds almost like they deserved it tbh.  

Also, Master Fu’s sentimonster had free will too- it had its akumatized object in one of the safest places it could have put it. It had free will like sentibug- but it was created to consume miraculous. No matter what, even if Ladybug had felt at this moment that the creature was a real living being (which it seemed just as alive as Sentibug) she would have had to have destroyed it. The difference is that THIS sentimonster was out of control, because it was made from the grief of a starving child. Sentibug was made out of love and loyalty. She didn’t have that underlying meaning of creation that led her to destroy. But this one, when given free will, did, because it was made from destructive emotions. 

Yin and yang play such a huge role in symbolism with the miraculous. Im kinda glad I chose my OC’s miraculous to be yin & yang. 

This is also how I feel when I am hungry. 

“I created a sentimonster that was very different from the one I had envisions” does that mean that the sentimonsters can latch on to whatever their creators are feeling at the moment and form around them EVEN if they didn’t intend to use the particular feeling or emotion to fuel it? Could that be part of why Sentibug turned on Mayura- she was having doubts while creating her because she knew Gabriel would have never let this happen, that she needed to stop- but she just couldn’t bring herself to? And those feelings got ingrained into Sentibug too, and when Sentibug heard “Stop Mayura and take her miraculous” those doubts resurfaced and took form as it seeming for Sentibug to have a sense of justice?

“A monk told me to run away with....and the miraculous box. The very last miraculous box.”

There are other miraculous.

So judging from the pictures and Fus story, he lost the book and two miraculous not to very far away from the temple- which means that Gabriel and Emilie travelled to one of the highest mountain-tops in Tibet. What on Earth could have made them go up there? That’s not just some sort of vacation spot. 

Look at this honeybun. Poor girl- it looks like her head’s hurting. 

Adrien seems so concerned for her- and now we know that he knows that she’s sick. I had suspected as such, because it would be very difficult to hide it because of how much time they spend together- but honestly this is just heartbreaking. 

“It’s thoughtful of you to be concerned, Adrien”

Of course he’s concerned. You’ve been around so long he probably can’t imagine life without you, you’re the one that’s been there ever since his mother disappeared, he loves you like you’re family. An empathetic and caring young boy isn’t just going to look at someone like you while sick and not get concerned. 

“Nathalie sometimes get’s dizzy spells but it’s nothing serious” Nooo Gabriel, I get dizzy spells that are nothing serious (I’ve been to the doctor for them don’t worry), I understand wanting to protect Adrien but one of these days she’s going to disappear too, and what then?

And this scene? They had a moment. He said that he didn’t need to worry, but I think he saw right through what he said, and maybe even that he was a little worried himself. The way he’s holding his eyes, he looks a little bit concerned too. 

And if you ask me, they do not look happy about lying to him. Because he should be worried. But they don’t want to put that on his shoulders- plus if they told him the truth...yeah. 

Okay so let me get this straight- now, Mayura did not create any sentimonsters in this episode, but she did wake up one that was dormant. How does a sentimonster go dormant? Considering there has been a sentimonster lingering out there dormant, we know for a fact that multiple sentimonsters can exist at one time- however, can two exist and be active at the same time, or does one have to be dormant in order for others to exist after the dormant one was created? And how did she sense the amok- was it the same way in which Gabriel sense emotions through his miraculous? And if that is the case, then does she need her miraculous to sense the amok? If so, where is she wearing it at right now? Also look at her, she’s so cute from this angle- just look at her eyes, they’re so gorgeous. That shade of blue is lovely. 

Don’t look concerned about her, Gabriel, you’re the one telling her to use the miraculous...okay yes, actually, do look concerned for her, feel guilty and take it away (I know you will, eventually, but will you honour that commitment in the finale?)

Look at that smile 

This poor kid...he’s got everything in the world but really, he just misses his mother. And now he’s getting flashbacks with Nathalie as to wht was happening with Emilie.  That’s all the proof we need, that’s the show telling us directly that the miraculous is exactly what caused Emilie to go into a coma in the first place. But then sweet plagg, coming in and making him laugh. I think it’s awesome that Plagg is so good at piano too. But its so sad that directly after such a cute scene, he gets taken away. 

His face just lights up

“Mom’s the only one who could make me laugh like that. Thank you, plagg” Sweetie pie!

clack clack clack clack clack clack The clicking of heels is such an aesthetically pleasing sound

“I can feel it’s yearning, Hawkmoth” and I can feel yours someone needs to give you love.

She has the power to Thanos amoks XD

“Take one step closer and I’ll take your amok away from you...you dont want me to destroy you do you?” Man, that’s brutal. She’s got to reason with it as if its an actual living thing (I’ve heard various theories as to why sentimonsters are and are not living individual beings and I just think its all very interesting)- but looking at this after knowing Ladybug and Chat Noir will come to the conclusion that they are later down the road, this episode kinda shows pretty well too that Sentimonsters could really actually be their own being. It felt almost like she was chastising a puppy. 

Wow, familyagrestefanblog was right about this- they really can be akumatized. Which...also goes along with them being conscious beings as Ladybug and Chat Noir believed. Its all so interesting. And the morals here? If this is all so then where is the morality of using the peacock miraculous at all? Eventually the sentimonster is going to be destroyed. UNLESS the reason they can be akumatized is because they’re the very embodiment of a person’s emotions. 

And did I mention that I LOVE his facial expressions in this ep? 

“Ill even give you the peacocks and mine as a bonus”

“I always honour my commitments” 

So was he not going to blackmail the thing? Or was what he told Lila also a lie? If he wasn’t going to black mail it, then is he really that willing to give up all the miraculous once he has what he wants? Which is literally just to right some wrongs and heal his wife? Low-key if that’s the case I like him a little more. 

Okay so

I’ve always had this idea on if Hawkmoth used catalyst, and akumatized one person to do some damage and draw out the hero’s then akumatized Lila with tracking abilities and put her in the middle of the fight, he could use her to find out who ladybug and chat noir were and take their miraculous in their sleep.

But also, this is so sad.  

Marinette’s first thought wasnt “Oh no, I can’t be ladybug anymore”

It was “Tikki!” 

And she was so desperate to get her back. You could see it in her face, she was so determined. Her clumsiness didn’t get in her way this time- because she was determined and focused, no nerves- she just wanted her friend back. And I liked how Wayzz was trying to convince Fu that it was a bad idea. 

So Bikerbug really just keeps her bike IN the bakery huh?

Okay, so, I really really love watching this scene- his facial expressions, the fluid movement, I quite enjoy it. And I love the way Mayura sounds when she speaks so that’s just an added bonus, but then. 

“My Dear Mayura...”

I think I forgot how to breath when he said that. I don’t think that Nathalie is gonna flip out over every little thing (like people theorizing that her heart sped up or whatnot in Ladybug when Hawkmoth landed in front of her and she got a close-up of the booty- I think there, she was more concerned with survival than that) but that? She had to have felt that. 

Adrien recognized Ladybug immediately. And Master Fu was leading Feast right through traffic. 

Me mentally: Oh hey Bananoir, how you peeling? 

“As you wish, Bugaboo~” He wants her to call him Bananoir omgosh. 

“Master look, Ladybug and Chat Noir, despite their ridiculous costumes” Oh my gosh Wayzz leave them be XD

“The guardian of the miraculous is this decrepit old man?” Honeybun there are gonna be people saying the same thing about you if you’re revealed as Hawkmoth.

& Am I the only one that really wants to see Master Fu’s transformation?

“You sure its the right time, M’lady?” Chat, please. 

Chat is not amused. 

“Keep those miraculous nice and warm for me, and enjoy the other ones, youve earned them” Either he is actually being nice to the sentimonster because it actually did its job or hes planning on blackmailing it and having Nathalie take away its amok anyway? 

“Farewell my dear Wayzz” doesn’t hold as much impact as “My dear Mayura”

“Careful what you wish for”

He’s mad cause he felt so close, when really he had just fallen into their trap. 

And she detransformed without even saying “fall my feathers”

And he rushed to her

And the way she looks at him? She is helpless. 

That is not the face of a heartless man.

1.) Now we have a shot of their official height difference minus nathalie’s heels.  2.) They are standing side by side untransformed. But Emilie is still looming over them. They seem to be equals, But Emilie is between them, behind them, watching, and much bigger than they are. Hmm...

No one related to either of these two showed up at all in the rest of the episode. Why is it so important for us to know that they were watching the broadcast that they cut to them to show us? And why go to the trouble of putting both Tsurgi’s in frame? Also note, they both have dark coverings over their eyes, whereas Gabriel and Nathalie do not. I know Kagami’s mom is blind but I wannt look a little further into it- could it be that they are going to end up allies with Gabriel, or going to Tibet and getting their own miraculous from the different wish boxes and use them for bad too? But what if their intentions are not the same as Gabriel and Nathalie’s. Neither of them have malicious intent in their search for Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous- Nathalie wants to help the man she loves and Gabriel wants to fix the past/his wife. But could these two have more sinister plans? So it shows them with a dark covering over their eyes to show that their vision for the future is dark and muddled? 

Master Fu really out here thinking that that is gonna make him less recognizable. Just goes to show you that the people of Paris really are just blind. 

Oh boy, that ending though. Gabriel seems so determined right here. “And it shall be served very cold...” And he is saying all this in front of Emilie, but he is talking to Ladybug. There’s just something off about it, to me. Idk. That’s all I really have to say, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. 

[azaffranist]

An absurdly long Frozen 2 theory - The Land of the Mist

You think I was kidding with this meme, right? No. I don’t mess around when it comes to Frozen 2 theories.

I spent my free time wisely and finally brought together this theory I’ve been thinking about for a while now. After the release of the official trailer I can gleefully announce it wasn’t violently contradicted and I was able to expand on it, too.

Summing it up before we start, it’s about the repeated presence of mist in the Frozen 2 trailers, and how it is closely related to Scandinavian myths, namely elves, who are said to live in a parallel world. It also covers the topic of spirits as representations of the four elements.

I don’t want to murder anybody’s dashboard with 2k words and multiple images, so I put a safe ‘keep reading’ right after this. The following are the topics we will be covering, and if you want a very, very short tl;dr with just the basics, just jump straight to the conclusions:

The Introduction

The Elements

The Hidden Folk

The Pink

The Mist

The Conclusions

Keep in mind that this is just a theory that might be potentially proved wrong by the following trailers and sneak peeks (ihopenot), but this is what I could grasp from the information we’ve got so far. Also, I wrote the vast majority of this before Annecy, so a few details might slip by...

With this said, let’s get started!

The Introduction

In the Frozen 2 teaser trailer we can see the Arendellian gang gazing over the fabled autumn forest filled with trees and rivers. But in the Frozen 2 Official Trailer, we see a very similar shot, almost mirror-like, of the past scene, and this is where everything begins.

Clearly, they’re not in the same place. One has trees, the other one doesn’t; one looks magical and mystical, and the other just… doesn’t. While it is a beautiful scenery, it just doesn’t hold up with the other place’s visuals. It’s like an E3 vs Actual Game comparison.

It’s of interest that Iceland, which seems to be the place they’re taking the most inspiration from, looks really similar to the scenery seen in the image above. For instance, this is Þingvellir in autumn:

These places look… really similar. And the shots above are basically mirrored versions of each other. So that leads me to believe that the spotlight of Frozen 2 so far, the autumn forest, is located in a magical realm hidden by mist.

It seems that this ‘portal’ the Arendellian royals found needs magic to be activated; as Elsa touches the mist with her hand it starts opening. We don’t know yet if any kind of magic can open it, so for now, let’s say that a magic wielder needs to be in contact with it. (Keep this in your head because it’ll come in handy later.)

But as soon as the gang goes through it, the mist closes in on itself, covering everything up, even the stones, and if I’m not wrong, they’ve already disappeared:

So we have this sort of mirror dimension made reachable by some kind of mist portal and surrounded by 4 stones with the famous symbols that have made us lose our minds. Thankfully we now know thanks to bath bomb merch (and confirmation by Annecy) that they represent the 4 elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water.

And before we discuss the mist (because that’s another whole topic) let me pull up an unpublished theory that miraculously survived the official trailer and analyze the symbols and their meanings together.

_________________________

The Elements

The four elements of alchemy are the following and feature strikingly similar designs to those of the ice crystals. We are going to be using them to decypher the ice crystals’ meaning.

The easiest one to tell is the top right one which bluntly establishes its connection with the earth symbol.

The rest are not so straightforward, but there is something interesting in them. If we ‘cut’ the crystals in half, we will realize some of them are ‘fragmented’ in some way in the top triangle or the other, and some are not. Those fragmented correspond to air and earth, and the ones that are not, correspond to water and fire.

I know I’m totally not making myself clear so here’s what I mean:

This way, top left symbol would mean fire, which is not so unlikely considering that it could mimic the look of a flame rather than a water drop. Bottom right symbol, also known as Anna’s symbol, would mean air: and if we take into account the strange merchandise we’ve seen lately, this would make sense, considering Anna is always surrounded by leaves in one way or another. Anna’s color scheme and emblems also match with the ‘air’ theme, which is represented in the Frozen universe by leaves flying.

Bottom left symbol (dubbed Elsa’s symbol by many) would mean water. With enough imagination we could assume that it is an ice crystal what’s shown in it. And last but not least, the top right symbol means earth.

So, it makes enough sense for now. But we have things unresolved. That is, Anna’s strange symbol, her sudden affinity with the air and Elsa’s connection with the Nokk. And this is when Frozen LA comes into play.

“If you use the force of nature in your favor, it will be on your side.”

I don’t think Anna has powers, for many reasons. First and foremost, it would be very predictable, cliché and lazy writing in general, something I don’t think the Frozen 2 creators are aiming for.

Secondly, why didn’t they manifest earlier? We know very little about the magic system in the Frozen universe but it seems that there are two kinds of magic users: cursed and born with them. Anna evidently wasn’t born with powers. Now, if we say that Anna somehow got cursed with wind powers, that would be a bit more interesting. But I doubt it’s the case. And if we’re being real, Elsa already can sort of control wind with her own powers, creating storms and the like.

What I think is that nature and its force plays a major role in Frozen 2. We have already been officially introduced to the Nokk, a water spirit Elsa will have to prove her worth to. And in the Frozen 2 Official Trailer, we’re shown what looks like the spirit of Earth, a rock giant who doesn’t look friendly at all:

Then Fire. After the last trailer, I don’t think anybody’s controlling that fire. Spirits, so far, seem to be just spirits; creatures that control themselves. We know Nokk is a shapeshifter, apparently, and maybe the other spirits can shapeshift, too. But if there’s anything I have to say, is that the fire doesn’t look natural in the slightest even when we’re talking about elements of nature, so it might be wrongfully influenced by a villainous figure? I don’t know, just throwing a semi-theory there. We’re coming back to this later.

Last but not least, Air. Air has been confusing. The way it is represented is by the flow of leaves through the air.  In this scene in the teaser, the kids are in a forest, and I really doubt any of them are controlling the wind. The girl looks surprised; the boy has a bunch of leaves point to him and throw him up in the air. Unless there’s a third human character in this scene we’re not aware of, I’d say the wind is not controlled by anybody, at least in this particular scene; so again, it controls itself, like a force of nature.

Now knowing that Anna is connected to the air element somehow and Elsa to the water through the Nokk, is that these scenes that follow one another in the teaser, now have a whole new meaning.

Anna is lost in a rocky cave. Elsa is fighting against the fire that encircles her.

Air versus Earth, Water versus Fire; the opposite elements, facing each other through Anna and Elsa.

Another convergent idea is that there might be people that represent each of the elements and interact with the spirits; think of guardians, for example. Each of them would have a certain affinity with a specific element. We could say from what we’ve seen that Anna has an affinity with the air, Elsa with the water, and who knows what the other characters are.

If the Nokk is a mythical being that represents water, it’s not out of question to assume that the other elements also have a connection with real life mythology. 

We can find an interesting individual in Norse mythology. Quoting Wikipedia:

In Norse mythology, Fornjót was an ancient giant and king of "Gotland, Kænland and Finnland" meaning Gotland, Kvenland, and Finland Proper.

His children are Aegir, (the ruler of the sea), Logi (fire giant) and Kári (god of wind).

As you can see, this is the Norse mythology interpretation of the elements. We’re missing the Earth element, who would be Jörð, personification of Earth. How closely Disney is going to follow mythology is unknown to us, but considering there is going to be a whole book dedicated to the myths, I’d say that they are taking this very seriously.

__________

Now, let’s get back to our initial topic. I believe this forest they find in the teaser is the fabled magical land where the spirits of the 4 elements reside; where Elsa’s powers came from, and where she should’ve had that ‘life she was supposed to live’. We see people that look very similarly dressed to the Unknown Girl in the teaser:

Sami, seemingly light brown clothes, boots and sash. But there’s far more to these people than at first glance, and this brings us to another topic…

_________________________

The Hidden Folk

The first connection to this mythological race was not made by the fandom but by the Broadway show itself, in which the rock trolls are replaced by the Hidden Folk. So let’s start with what our friend Wikipedia says about them:

Hidden people (huldufólk) are elves in Icelandic and Faroese folklore. They are supernatural beings that live in nature. They look and behave similarly to humans, but live in a parallel world. They can make themselves visible at will.

Remember what we said in the introduction? The Arendellian gang enters a magical realm covered by fog...

Clearly, the Hidden Folk as we see them in Frozen Broadway won’t make an appearence in Frozen 2, because they represent the trolls from the movie. But the connection is interesting, and there’s even more to it.

Idunn mentions being one of the children of the Northern Nomads in the Broadway show, implying that she was not born in the royal family but rather married into the throne. This is further confirmed by the fact that in Frozen, we can see Agdar, the heir to the throne having his coronation; Idunn isn’t a royal, or at least not an Arendellian royal. She came from somewhere else.

And if we take into account the Polish leaks, Idunn is the Unknown Girl from the teaser, further strengthening the bond between these people we see in the autumn forest and her.

Thanks to Annecy spoilers, we know that Agdar visited the enchanted lands and was left “traumatized” by something that went terribly wrong. But more on that later...

__________

I told you to keep in mind the ‘gateway activated by magic’ in the introduction. Okay, so we’re saying that Agdar visited this place in his youth (and probably met Idunn here) but we’re overlooking something.

How did he make it to the forest at all? I doubt anybody who’s not proficient with magic would be able to open the portal. I mean, the portal didn’t open up by itself; Elsa touched it with her magic. So either:

a) Agdar has powers

b) He went with someone who did have powers

c) Some other convoluted reason

d) We’re thinking too much into this and the autumn forest can be accessed without going through any weird portal

I think I’d go with b. But you judge that.

__________

The other connection, as I have said, is the Sami. The Sami people inhabit Lapland, a region encompassing Norway, Sweden, Finland, among others. We know that Kristoff is basically one of them, and one of their most prominent occupations is reindeer herding.

The teaser trailer showed Kristoff guiding a multitude of reindeers, and with the official trailer showing us that there are people who actually live in the forest, the idea is much more clear. There are Sami living in the forest, or at least Disney’s interpretations of them, which may be synonymous or at least have a connection with the Hidden Folk or whatever name they’ll receive in Frozen 2. Remember Northern Nomads was a term used in Frozen Broadway, and Sami were originally nomads...

So, I really tried coming up with an actual theory for those suspicious looking northern lights Idunn looks at but I failed. Sorry. The only idea I have is that Idunn is talking to Elsa after the accident and telling her her own version of the origins behind her powers, and maybe, just maybe, those unnatural northern lights represent Elsa’s sworn enemy, pink.

Yes, pink. Purplish pink or pinkish purple, to be exact.

_________________________

The Pink

Pink has always been a problem for Elsa. The night of the accident, she was shown terrible imagery that’d scare her for life; her adult silhouette is absorbed, consumed by this purple mass. “Fear will be your enemy,” Grand Pabbie said.

Later in her life, we see that whenever Elsa is feeling emotions relating to fear and despair, her ice cracks and turns a shade of pinkish purple. We all get that. But now. Why, for the love of Nokk, why is the fire pink? Nokk looks alright, just like water would look. The earth giants too. I don’t see anything strange with the wind other than it is… wind. But the fire is pink, for a reason we don’t know yet.

The sky turns pinkish after the accident. Why is literally everything that is bad for Elsa represented by pinkish purple?

And I have no definite answer for that. If I have to throw an idea, it’s a prophecy. A manifestation of sorts that just wants Elsa to stop breathing, which may be related to the presence that left Agdar terrified and Arendelle cutting relations with these northern lands. An inherited ‘curse’ of sorts, that may give us a new point of view of why Elsa’s powers were kept in secret. Maybe her parents really had something to fear. A legitimate reason to lock her away, as harsh as that sounds.

For now, let’s leave that in an ominous tone, and talk about the mist. Oh, the mist.

_________________________

The Mist

As we were saying before, the Hidden Folk are basically synonymous with elves. They are invisible (hence, hidden, huh), magical, and are not exactly humans, in the sense that they don’t meddle in their affairs, and live in a parallel world. We have already seen the ‘parallel’, ‘mirror’ symbolism with the gang gazing over the lands, but here’s more, if we insist.

(Pss! Don’t wanna break it to you, but autumn forests just aren’t that beautiful. These ones are magical and misty.)

What elves look like varies from source to source. But they are very closely associated with mist, and live in meadows, mires and forests.

Quoting Wikipedia further:

The elves of Norse mythology have survived into folklore mainly as females, living in hills and mounds of stones.The Swedish älvor were stunningly beautiful girls who lived in the forest with an elven king.

The elves could be seen dancing over meadows, particularly at night and on misty mornings. They left a circle where they had danced, which were called älvdanser (elf dances) or älvringar (elf circles).

If a human watched the dance of the elves, he would discover that even though only a few hours seemed to have passed, many years had passed in the real world. Humans being invited or lured to the elf dance is a common motif transferred from older Scandinavian ballads.

Humans being invited or lured to the elf dance is a common motif transferred from older Scandinavian ballads.

lured to the elf dance 

Yeah, that’s not the face of someone who wasn’t lured.

Okay, okay, okay! I’m sorry if I got too excited about this and saying that Elsa got seduced by the dancing and singing of an elf is perhaps taking it a bit too far. But hear me out. Letting go of my no-crazy-speculation filter for a bit, I’d say that an elf/spirit was the one who incessantly sang to Elsa (remember, female singing), lured her into her dance showing her wonderful imagery of the spirits of the four elements of the parallel world, and then made her release the ice crystals (magic that has been building up for a long time) and go haywire. But you judge that…

What I mean to say is that I think that this concept of elves (maybe not called elves inside of the film, but at least the concept) and their relation to the mist are going to be present in Frozen 2. I’ve been thinking about mist for the past two months and this is the first time I manage to include it in a theory. I’ve wanted to -and will- say something that will sound stupid for a long, long time but I don’t care because it’s worth it. An image I stumbled upon while researching through elves. It’s called ‘Chasing after Hildur’.

It’s from a myth starring Hildur, the Queen of Elves. I’m not going to explain the whole myth, it’s not really relevant; but please, just look at that image. It’s more visual than anything, and it is that it looks ABSOLUTELY EXACTLY THE SAME LIKE THE MOMENT WHEN ANNA JUMPS OVER THE PRECIPICE.

And I’m using all caps because I mean it.

Is Anna chasing after the queen of elves? After a common elf? After the elf like creature that lured Elsa into the dance?

Might be a huge cosmic coincidence, may not be, but summing it up? Frozen 2 has elves. Yeah.

_________________________

The Conclusions

You’re finally here. Aka, Tl;Dr. And for the sake of not repeating ‘this might be’ and ‘probably’ every 2 seconds, I’ll sound really confident.

Maybe:

Frozen 2 features a beautiful parallel realm whose entrance is reachable when a magic user activates it. This is the autumn forest we see in the teaser trailer, contrasting to the more regular-looking place near the end of the official trailer.

The ‘Land of the Mist’ is the home of the Hidden Folk, elves, and the four elements of nature, who are sentient and are represented by four mythological beings. In these lands, magic comes and goes. But something terrible happened, and the harmony between the inhabitants and the spirits is no more.

This is the truth they are looking for; the origin of Elsa’s powers; she should’ve lived in this hidden realm of the hidden people, and nowhere else.

Idunn, her mother, secretly comes from this realm, and in Frozen 2, the sisters will learn about the family they barely got to know, and will have to prove their worth and fight an unknown evil yet to be revealed who Agdar already faced.

Elsa is the only person in the world who can bring the harmony back to the Land of the Mist and unify the four elements before it’s too late.

/Maybe.

Wow, I’m tired.

(It’s fall in my country, by the way, can’t do that.)

This is the furthest I managed to get so far with the help of 3 minutes of footage, Annecy and bath bomb leaks, and I’m sure even more theories are going to come to light as more days pass and the Frozen 2 trailer settles down in people’s minds. Might give some quick little update to this if something new comes up...

Would love to hear your theories and opinions as well! I’m sure we won’t stop till we inadvertently spoil ourselves the whole movie. 

Goodbye and Happy Theorizing!

[trashmcuths-a]

plotted starter for @wasbraver

flying eddie out to los angeles with very little notice and even less explanation is a shitty move. shittier still, richie plans to drop the mother of all bombs, one that would level an entire country and devastate the population for years to come. the whole ordeal feels like a went-too-far-and-cancelled-after-one-episode prank show. but, fuck, richie needs to tell someone and this is not the type of shit to spill over the phone. plus, he needs help. like, badly.

'cause richie is a dad now and this is the story all about how his life got flipped turned upside down:

see, shortly after moving to l.a. to achieve his dreams of becoming a professional shit-talker, rich met a chick named ashley smith. (the public knows her as ashlee marie, but that is besides the point.) ashley stuck to richie like white on rice, globbed on to him for whatever ungodly reason. richie liked her well enough. she was clearly unstable and had a bit of a coke habit, but that describes the majority of hollywood. even as their respective stars began to rise, they never lost touch. ashley usually initiated shit, but rich was happy enough to follow along. then, about five years ago, she got pregnant and has this kid - waverly breezy bae smith. for real. that's her fucking name, the lunatic. anyway, over a few rails of coke, ashley said, "dude, you're the godfather." and richie never wanted to be the mom-shaming type, but he followed that up by asking if ashley was breast-feeding. she said no, which, okay, cool. no need to start policing the woman, then.

after waverly, richie did start hanging out with ashley more, maybe to help her out a little. the kid had no father to speak of, no family. just an off-kilter mama, her equally screwed-up hollywood pals, and a sweet-looking, older irish woman who had been hired on as a full-time nanny. not that ashley was an atrocious mom or anything. (she knew her limits, which is why she had the nanny in the first place.) ashley loved waverly more than anything, looked at that kid like she hung the moon. the feeling was definitely mutual. the way they would play together made that clear. ashley had always been real good at make-pretend, at letting go, and could make waverly collapse into a fit of giggles like no one else.

then ashley went and fucking died. big car accident. the media originally reported her as being at fault, jumped on the whole "psycho, cokehead actress" angle. except ashley hadn't even been on coke at the time, maybe some benzos, but she had not caused the fucking wreck. so, you know, fuck tmz.

richie had been real broken up, honestly. especially after losing stan. could the universe stop piling on the trauma for, like, one second? he fought a demon sewer clown twice. is that not enough action for a lifetime? apparently not, 'cause the hits kept coming. a couple days after the accident, someone contacted him about waverly. ashley had named him guardian in lieu of her untimely demise. richie did not initially accept this fact - "she said that shit after doing a line. how the fuck was i supposed to know she was serious?" but the social worker walked him through, talked about the process, mentioned how much waverly wanted to be with him. "her eyes lit up when we told her," the lady had said. of course, that was the final nail in the coffin for richie. he had to do this. fuck.

so after taking all the necessary steps and buying a bunch of kid shit (way more than necessary), richie got the okay. he got a date. the social worker would bring her to the apartment after school, and, unlike all the times before, waverly would stay there. permanently. up until then, richie had been doing this on his own, leaning on the social worker for guidance. he wasn't sure why he never told anyone, especially the losers. maybe because it wasn't set in stone yet? or he was in some sort of denial? whatever the case, the second richie got the date, he made a call to eddie. why eddie? if anyone asked, richie would swear that he didn't know. but, let's be real, he knew well enough.

anyway, after a lot of convincing, eddie agreed to take an impromptu trip to los angeles, stay a little while with richie. that had been three days ago and now eddie is actually here and being buzzed up. richie slips out of his apartment and stands in the hallway, hands fidgeting at his sides. if eddie were to walk in the living room now, he would see a bunch of kid shit and have a lot of questions. so, richie figures he should give eddie a heads-up.

when eddie rounds the corner, richie feels this stupid swell of emotions, tightening his chest and making it hard to breathe. richie bolts over, swinging an arm around eddie's shoulders and steers him towards the apartment. then, the words are coming out of richie's mouth before he can even process them. "okay, man, i'm gonna tell you something, but please, please do not freak out. 'cause i am in a fragile fucking state right now, okay? like, this is way, way, way worse than the time i took too many shrooms in senior year. you remember that? i wandered around the baseball pitch in nothing but tighty-whities and one of your mom's hideous cardigans." okay, admittedly, he's getting off track, but richie is nervous. even under normal circumstances, he has a tendency to go off the conversational rails. so, sue him.

[ghostmartyr]

Avengers: Endgame Thoughts

SPOILERS, obviously.

So I figure I’ll babble enough to keep all the genuinely spoilery content under an appropriately timed cut. Even though everything after this statement is full of expectation spoilers. The few key things that I can think about to mention are that I really appreciated the movie and enjoyed the highs and teared up aplenty.

Also that I think this is going to be a primarily negative post. Whoops.

Not because I think it’s awful. I want to emphasize that I don’t think it is awful, because I am very worried that I’m going to forget to say that.

There’s a base level of quality you can sort of expect from MCU movies, so I don’t generally feel the need to move beyond the role of passive audience member for them. Then Infinity War really impressed me, and I couldn’t wait to see how everything was going to wrap up when they really left the movie there, so my investment level piqued.

As a result, there are more thoughts than usual. About a movie I really did find to be of high quality, and probably would see again happily if planning to sit still for another three hours didn’t make me twitchy.

I liked the movie.

There are just some character decisions and plot mechanics and overall writing decisions that... really?

First thing that I don’t have much to say about but can’t rationalize having a complaint post with no mention of: Thor and Hulk.

People in charge of the movie, you had no problem including Captain Marvel when you had no earthly clue what to actually do with her. Her smile warmed my heart in every scene she graced, and while I was criminally disappointed she was not more involved, none of the material she was given made me feel like the people writing her didn’t care about her.

...

Actually, now that I think about it, this should not have just a Thor and Hulk complaint section. Like that was the idea, because I didn’t have much, because I don’t care (slightly different than the writers’ level of don’t care), but the whole...

...

Oy.

Here, once for flavor, with the knowledge that I’ll get back to it and repeatedly whine about it this whole post.

I find the fucking time skip wanting in too many ways for me to really forgive the film for.

Anyway, Thor and Hulk.

In short, no.

In less short, what are you doing.

Hulk I don’t have a serious gripe with, except my main complaint about Infinity War was how Banner (I should probably change how I name him based on which character I’m talking about, but I really just mean the entity represented by a particular actor so I can’t care that much) got used up as comedy relief. You can have comedic moments and characters. If you have transformed your character into a comedic moment, you’ve fucked up.

(See Thor in too much of this movie.)

But one of the interesting parts of Hulk’s general arc in the MCU was how Banner and Hulk were starting to negotiate for their place in their body.

Cue Endgame, cue time skip, cue completely glossing over how they make their peace with each other.

Avengers franchise, why?

I am not attached to Hulk or Banner or any of that section of the plot, honestly, but the potential of that entire element is shot and left for dead in the water. Then the floating corpse gets up and starts walking around as part of a cog of the story.

Hulk’s most interesting plot point basically happened in another movie that doesn’t now, and probably won’t ever, exist, and considering what Infinity War put the guy through as a character, my writing senses are hurt and sad all over.

Then there’s Thor.

I think he might fit into the whole thing I will soon get into about character resolutions that hit the right emotional keys solidly enough that you forget they’re playing the wrong song.

Mostly he picks up the “hole” (wrongly perceived as something that needs to be filled) left by Hulk leaving the walking gag scene party. Drinking himself into oblivion and disregarding self-care in the aftermath of an immense trauma is one of the film’s chosen humor mainstays.

My impression is that I’m the only person in my tight corner of the internet who doesn’t really like Ragnarok because its silliness felt like it was trying too hard. It’s my favorite of the Thor movies, but a bunch of the humor didn’t feel natural to me. Better than Infinity War’s handling of Hulk, and better than Endgame’s handling of Thor, just not my favorite tone.

Endgame sort of takes that element, jacks it away from its surrounding strengths, and rolls out a keg for it to drown in.

When the movie remembers to empathize with Thor instead of mocking him, there are some great moments. But he draws one of the shortest straws of the movie.

And the character resolution is...

Good fuck this is why I had to say I liked the movie. Because when I actually sit down and think about my problems with it, the rest of my brain just lounges to the side in horror, wondering what could possibly have been entertaining if such elements were included.

The very beginnings of my problems with the movie is that they kill Thanos.

I think he’s dead ten minutes in.

Then they skip five years.

Five years.

Ooooh my everything.

Okay so like, you know how you start reading something, or watching something, and your head immediately takes note that oh, this must be a dream sequence. The couple in a romance is suddenly way too hot and steamy for where the story has them in their development, a random bomb goes off, the guy who destroyed half of all life in the universe because no one can stop him in the last movie is killed in the first ten minutes of the next--

There’s like.

A rhythm. There’s a rhythm to how stories work.

When that rhythm is disrupted, the audience is left with a tangible feeling of wtf. Either that feeling enhances the other quality stuff going on, or it enhances the other Quality stuff going on, if you catch my drift.

You step into a vacuum.

It’s great for recreating that sense of absence. The world is irrevocably changed. It’s emptier. The heroes are broken. Their revenge doesn’t fix anything. They just. continue to exist, with losses they aren’t equipped to handle.

FIVE YEARS OF IT.

I have probably a longer list of things I want stories involving time travel not to do than is perhaps healthy. But maybe stories involving time travel should keep their act together better or I don’t know.

Bad Future ends are not something I appreciate, because often, they go grimdark just because they can, because they know it’s not the final future, so anything goes. You don’t have to treat it like any reality that matters, because it isn’t permanent.

This story... I would say it toes the line there, but in ways that grate on me thoroughly enough that it presses all the same buttons.

Thanos can die in the first ten minutes, and it doesn’t matter. We know it doesn’t matter, because it happens in the first ten minutes. ...Maybe twenty, to be safe. It’s early. But you have this villain who’s built up to a ridiculous degree, bizarrely succeeds in living up to his own hype, then you kill him off so that a younger version of himself gets top billing in the final battle.

Why?

I get why as far as the story is designed, but at some point in the process, this story is designed by humans. Humans who could have stopped and asked themselves if they were really telling the best version of this story they possibly could.

Thanos is defeated while his blight remains. I love saying that. I love that I can describe a story with those words.

But the initial defeat is so unsatisfying and bereft of life. All the energy of him as an external force for our heroes to unite against is bled out early, and to get it back, they really do just ship in a younger model.

Which does make sense. Younger Thanos’ motives are fine and reasonable. Just, as far as the plot design, the whole presentation of the movie’s setting feels like a dream sequence. It feels, very early on, like this will never be allowed to be forever.

Then that feeling lasts for five years.

Getting into the time travel thing.

Time travel is really hard to get right in stories. You want to change something, but the people doing the changing are products of what they’ve lived through. How do you honor that while still fixing the unspeakable evil that happened? How do you change the world while keeping the threads that made us care alive and relevant?

One thing I very much like is that Tony fights to keep what he’s gained alive. Good. The volcanic soil grew him something irreplaceable, and it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to hold on to that, and I’m glad he does.

But then you have the other half of the story, where no one is able to move on.

My preference for time travel correcting things is for characters to either be trying to change their own future that they have yet to live through, or for them to trying to fix something that is so recent the characters are still wrangling with it as a piece of their present. I have more than a touch of “humans should not mess with these things they don’t know what they’re doing,” past a certain point.

In case it weren’t obvious, five years is pretty far past that point for me. It hits this awful uncanny valley sweet spot of people wanting to change a reality that never should have been vs. people who are willing to fuck up the world because they can’t let go.

I like superheros. I like correcting injustices. Save all the people. I like people fighting tooth and nail to fix things set in stone because these are their people, dammit.

I also hate seeing people so stuck in the past they refuse to make a future.

This movie screams both of those elements so loudly that it’s hard for me to really piece out how I feel about the story in its entirety.

I like that they don’t simply hit an undo button, and do bring everyone back in a way that lets the future that has already happened continue.

But then there’s Steve and Nat and just... fuck, dude.

Gun to my head, I’m a happy person. If everyone could be alive at the end, that would be my preference, I don’t care if it’s cheesy. But you have the choice between Hawkeye and Black Widow. The man who’s lost his family, and the woman who’s lost purpose.

Or something. I don’t do MCU meta.

The sense I get from watching is that Natasha feels like her life works better as a sacrifice. If they succeed, she doesn’t have children and a wife waiting at home. So clearly it makes sense for her to be the one to die. Her road ends to bring back the happiness of others.

Which...

I don’t know how to articulate my problem with this without moving on to Steve first.

So let’s do that.

Steve.

Steve, whose story ends with him going back in time and staying there.

Forget about how the story criticizes every movie that does time travel better than it. Forget about all the levels of not caring went into designing the time travel elements. If possible.

I do not like how Steve’s story is essentially about how there’s only one time and place for him to experience a fulfilling life.

It is the nature of writing stories that we want to encapsulate things. The perfect moment. The perfect set of emotions. The perfect time. Everything falls into place, and that’s how we want it. We’ll never get it better than that. Keep retreading that dead horse, because it was so good.

Steve and Peggy are beautiful together.

What I hate about them ending up together is that... there’s this obvious, painful belief that the world of the future doesn’t have anything left for Steve. Bucky’s there. Sam’s there. Billions of people have just found there way back. Steve’s lived in this century for years.

Reclaiming the past is more important than building a future.

Even though the story’s driving plot is about keeping their past maintained so they can have this future. Or something.

Steve doesn’t have a future. Natasha doesn’t have a future. So the story removes them from it, and calls that a clean, happy (if bittersweet) ending. They’re pieces that don’t work in this world. Their chances are gone. They can live in the past or die.

I hate that. I’m a sap who will read a million stories about someone having a single true love they can’t be without and no one else could ever compare and blah and blah and blah, but that somehow feels different from watching a character’s life play out for years, and seeing them come to the conclusion that they can never belong in this place.

Building a new home never compared to the old one.

That’s depressing as fuck.

Thor gets a piece of this as well, becoming more of a knight errant than a king. After going to so much trouble to become his people’s king and just. Geez.

I don’t think that this is a thing the movie as a whole is really trying to encourage. I think the people working on it just had different visions for what would be cool as a sendoff and so on. Tony’s insistence that they don’t undo the five years they’ve had, and Nebula’s... everything--those aren’t elements of a story that says you can’t grow and find a new place. You don’t have to keep on repeating what you know and nothing else. You really don’t.

But that feels very twisted around for some of these characters’ personal journeys, and as happy as I am for Steve getting his dance with Peggy, the idea that this is a person whose true happiness could never be in the future...

That lingers in a way that I can’t like, and colors a lot of the other resolutions.

.

.

I really enjoyed the movie?

Yay?

Even though no one cared even a little at all even once except to attempt to drag other movies about time travel.

This movie’s time travel mechanics are terrible.

They’re just bad.

When you drop the titles of that many other things that have time travel.

And say this isn’t like that.

You should. you should hope. that your thing could at least make a convincing case for making more sense.

This does not succeed in that.

How could you watch enough of those movies to know they had time travel, yet fail to learn anything about how to write time travel. How. Why did you. why. Dragon Ball Z has more internally consistent time travel.

Three hours well spent. The hours on this, maybe less well.

[the-depressed-shiny-buneary]

Pokemon Next Gen (Successors): Amethyst Hayato

Amethyst is the older daughter of Janine and Falkner. Amethyst mostly takes after her mother, enjoying following the footsteps of being a ninja and using a team of Poison-types. Amethyst is very respectful to everyone around her, she’ll bow to those older than her, addresses her parents as ‘mother’ and ‘father’ and is always an honorable girl. She gets along with her younger sibling despite how different they are, she often enjoys flying with Sky when her Pokemon allow them to fly together either on their backs or in the special Sky Trainer suits. Amethyst takes her training in Ninjitsu very seriously, she’s always reading and studying everything she can, including with Pokemon Ninjitsu which makes her a force to be reconded with. She’ll take over the Fushia city gym when her Pokemon are ready for more experienced trainers, so far she watches her mom battle and acts as the referee.

Amethyst’s main colors are black and yellow. She mostly uses black to hide in the shadows, fitting as she’s training to be a ninja and to master the arts of being a ninja. Black represents Amethyst’s self-control, discipline, independence, and strong will. Black also gives off a bit of a feel of elegance and sophistication, she also tries to give off an air of mystery around her which works very well and it represents how she’s formal to everyone around her. As she’s a teenager she wears black to represent the ending of her childhood and the beginning of her new life as a teenager and a gym leader once she’s ready to take over. Yellow represents Amethyst’s academic level while also helping her with studying, it also represents her love for a challenge and her confidence. Amethyst is also an analyst and is always thinking logically, yellow also lets Amethyst make quick decisions as well as think critically and she’s surprisingly creative, always thinking of new ideas for when she’ll take over the gym.

Her Pokemon:

Venomoth- Venomoth was given to Amethyst when he was a Venonat, after a lot of training with her sister’s Pidgeotto he managed to evolve into Venomoth. As a Venonat, Venomoth was clumsy and had a hard time keeping up with his trainer as a result, that pushed him to want to evolve. Now as a Venomoth he can keep up much more easily and if also trying to master Pokemon Ninjitsu, currently he’s doing really well and is even training alongside Janine’s Venomoth. Venomoth is a very serious and faithful Pokemon, he’s always willing to help Amethyst with whatever she might need help with, that would include Ninjitsu skills that are performed with a Pokemon. Venomoth will sometimes stay out of his Ultra Ball and roam around.

Given in an Ultra Ball.

Ability is Tinted Lens.

Moves are Quiver Dance, Silver Wind, Bug Buzz, Disable, Psychic, Sludge Bomb, Venoshock, Double Team, Aerial Ace and Giga Drain.

Dragalge- Amethyst caught Dragalge after battling him with her Venomoth, she admired how well he was good at camouflage and was happy to add him to the team. Dragalge is a very quiet Pokemon, nothing really phases him so he just goes with whatever is happening. However, he does enjoy ambushing enemies and being able to do that more often is what pleased him the most about being the Pokemon of a gym leader in training and the fact that she’s a ninja, which means his trainer also hides out and ambushes others is just the icing on the cake. He likes Salazzle but is waiting for her to confess to him.

Caught in an Ultra Ball.

Ability is Poison Touch.

Moves are Smokescreen, Dragon Tail, Feint Attack, Camouflage, Poison Tail, Dragon Pulse, Double Team, Aqua Tail, Venoshock and Iron Tail.

Nidorino- Amethyst had caught Nidorino back when he was a Nidoran, he was with his girlfriend and was trying to protect her. Once Amethyst saw that they were mates she caught both of them so they could stay together. Not long after training with Amethyst, he and his girlfriend evolved into Nidorino and Nidorina at the same time. Nidorino is protective and eager to do whatever it takes to keep his loved one safe, he likes to battle to get stronger and he takes great pride in how much stronger he’s getting, despite his rough exterior he is a sweetheart and is very affectionate to Nidorina. He’s also a romantic, always giving Nidorina gifts when they aren’t training and spending his time cuddling against her.

Caught in a Love Ball.

Ability is Poison Point.

Moves are Horn Attack, Poison Jab, Flatter, Toxic Spikes, Ice Beam, Double Team, Sludge Bomb, Shadow Claw, Smart Strike, and Poison Tail.

Nidorina- Amethyst had caught Nidorina back when she was a Nidoran, she was with her boyfriend and was hiding in fear. Once Amethyst saw that they were mates she caught both of them so they could stay together. Not long after training with Amethyst, she and her boyfriend evolved into Nidorino and Nidorina at the same time. Nidorina is sweet and timid, she isn’t a major fan of battling but she trains so that in case Nidorino falls in battle she can protect him like he protects her. She’s also affectionate, she’ll often nuzzle against Amethyst and Nidorino when they aren’t training and she gets bashful when Nidorino gives her gifts or if he sweet talks her.

Caught in a Love Ball.

Ability is Poison Point.

Moves are Toxic, Crunch, Poison Fang, Venshock, Ice Beam, Echoed Voice, Double Team, Aerial Ace, Charm, and Poison Jab.

Salazzle- Amethyst caught Salazzle back when she was a Salandit, she figured out that Salandit was a female because she saw a bunch of male Salandit surrounding her and bringing her food so she ended up catching the Salandit in the center and Venomoth brought the Ultra Ball to Amethyst. At first, Salandit wasn’t very pleased that she lost her harem and refused to listen to Amethyst but once she met Dragalge she started to develop a crush on him so she started training which led to her evolving into a Salazzle. Salazzle is a very sassy and confident Pokemon, she also likes having attention on her and will purposely use moves that cause infatuation on male opponents, while she is very flirty she only has her eyes on Dragagle. 

Caught in an Ultra Ball.

Ability is Corrosion.

Moves are Dragon Dance, Flamethrower, Heat Wave, Sweet Scent, Attract, Hidden Power (Grass), Sludge Wave, Shadow Claw, Toxic and Venoshock.

Shiny Roserade- Amethyst found Roserade as a Budew being picked on for her shiny coloring, Amethyst made the other Budew and Roselia runoff by getting Venomoth to use a move to scare them off. Budew then stayed with Amethyst because she was the first person to be nice to her, she soon started training and managed to evolve into a Roselia and then she was given a Shiny Stone when Amethyst found her ready to evolve into Roserade. When she was a Budew, Roserade was self-conscious because her teammates were a lot stronger than her and she was still a baby Pokemon so she wanted to train as hard as she could to catch up. When she finally evolved into Roserade she quickly started to learn how to do Pokemon Ninjitsu to match her trainer, she even wears a black scarf around her face to give off the impression that she was a ninja.

Caught in a Luxury Ball.

Ability is Technician.

Moves are Grassy Terrain, Giga Drain, Leaf Storm, Double Team, Life Dew, Poison Jab, Poison Sting, Sludge Bomb, Magical Leaf, and Petal Dance.

[salvatoreschool]

Legacies Star Talks Hope's New Ally, Roman's Return and 3 Other Twists

The annual Miss Mystic Falls pageant arrived on Thursday’s Legacies, bringing with it all the requisite drama — and leaving several fan-favorite pairings in serious jeopardy. (Hey, at least no one died this time.)

Lizzie initially had her heart set on Caroline’s former title, but when she discovered that Dana’s mother was one of the judges, she decided — much to Josie’s disappointment — that Hope was her best chance to “stick it to those townies” with a win. (Does anyone else think it’s weird that Lizzie is so anti-townie, considering she was also born and raised in Mystic Falls?) Anyway, Penelope tried to convince Josie to beat Hope, but Josie was too loyal to her sister to mess up her master plan. Furious with Josie for once again putting Lizzie first, Penelope started spilling a bunch of secrets she’s collected as of late… including that she should ask Alaric about “the merge.” Gulp.

But before Penelope left school, breaking Josie’s heart in the process (that L-bomb!), she also revealed to Landon that Hope has been lying about meeting his mother — not that “Lope” needed any more drama this week, what with Roman showing up out of the blue. (Really, Alaric? You couldn’t have hired literally anyone else?) This set off a dramatic chain of events: Landon storming out, Roman filling in as Hope’s escort, Josie calling Lizzie out for being heartless, and even Hope discovering that her dress was picked out by Klaus. The tension culminated in an emotional outburst from Hope, guided by Lizzie, who’s all too familiar with the magical side effects of trauma. Lizzie even made her a deal: “You help me get Josie back, I’ll help you get Landon.”

And speaking of getting Landon, Hope’s angry ex(?)-boyfriend ended the episode in Agent Clark’s custody, delivered by MG’s mom, who’s apparently Clark’s superior. I have to admit, it was a twist I didn’t see coming — mostly because we’d spent most of the episode worrying about the freaking Gorgon skulking around campus and turning people into stone.

Below, Danielle Rose Russell breaks down the episode’s biggest moments with TVLine, including how Roman — despite, you know, his involvement in Hayley’s death — remains a very real threat to Hope and Landon’s relationship…

TVLINE | First of all, congratulations on winning Miss Mystic Falls. How was your brief experience as a pageant girl?

[Laughs] Thanks. It’s definitely something I never want to revisit. We did that whole thing in one day, and by the end, I was just like, “I never want to see this dress again, I never want to hear ‘Miss Mystic Falls’ again, and I never want to be in another pageant.”

Legacies Miss Mystic FallsTVLINE | Was that the actual dress Caroline wore on The Vampire Diaries, or did they design a replica?

It was the actual dress! They got it from the Warner Brothers. archive. But the problem is, the dress was made for Candice [King], who’s about seven inches taller than me. We had to be so specific about how we shot the dress. The costume team and I did hours of fittings, trying to get it OK. For example, we couldn’t shoot it from the side, because I have about four inches of toile alone on the front and back of me. So we could only show it from the front, or else I’d look like the girl from Willy Wonka who turns into a blueberry.

TVLINE | I never thought I’d see Hope and Lizzie getting along so well. Could this be the end of their life-long feud?

You know, it could be. I was also very surprised, because in the beginning of the season, everybody thought Hope and Josie would be the ones becoming friends. I was also surprised by how much Hope and Lizzie have in common, while still being so different. They annoy each other, but they also put up with each other. It’s a fun relationship that I’d like to see explored a little bit more in Season 2.

TVLINE | Then again, I never thought I’d see Hope getting along with Roman either. Were you surprised by her behavior?

Very much so. In my head, I always want Hope to get revenge, but she really has worked so hard [to improve herself]. In the last episode, you saw that even in the middle of a dark, painful moment — seeing Landon dead — she still gave MG her blood. She had a moment of understanding that she doesn’t want to be another vengeful Mikaelson. She wants to be good, and she’s always fighting for that. You could see that Hope had a tough time coming to terms with Roman. There’s a reason why she never talks about it, but I think she has genuinely forgiven him and she’s moving on from that.

TVLINE | I guess when you’re a Mikaelson, you get used to encountering people who have murdered your relatives.

Exactly! It just happens.

TVLINE | We didn’t see Roman leave. Is he sticking around?

You’ll see him again a little bit. That relationship will come to a head, as well.

TVLINE | I get that Landon was insecure, but is there any world in which Hope genuinely sees Roman as a potential love interest?

I don’t know. I go back and forth about it, actually. I always thought the dynamic between Hope, Roman and Landon would be an interesting love triangle. So I do have an idea in my mind of how that would happen, but I’m keeping it to myself in case it does. In Hope’s right mind, I’ll say, there would be no world. But Hope is also not a vampire yet, but she could be. There are many mistakes she could make if things go sour.

TVLINE | Lastly, let’s talk about Penelope, who blew up multiple people’s lives this week. How do you feel about everything she did, and the character in general?

The relationship between Josie and Penelope, to me, has always been fascinating. I’m interested to see the fans’ reaction to Penelope leaving, though I do think that’s sort of the only way that relationship could have gone. In order to give Josie what she deserves, all of this had to happen. So I don’t hate Penelope. I think she was super clever and smart, and I was always interested to see what she would pull out of her hat. She obviously also hurt Landon and Hope’s relationship, but the truth had to come out eventually.