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yongbbokkie · 5 months ago

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literally tripped over myself when I saw the notif and promptly SAT to read it!! aah this was so good and sad at the same time and I am sooooooo excited for the next part!!

blossoming ; jisung x reader ; part one

You are a queen. He is a kingsguard - a member of a holy order that vows to defend the king in the name of the gods. They forsake all earthly goods and swear a vow of chastity to avoid all worldly temptation. When he stands in as proxy for the royal wedding, all those vows are tested.

pairing: han jisung/reader author's note: the second half of this story will be a mountain of filthy smut as this is a prompt fill for the prompt 'you're so good for me, so fucking good around me, fucking made for me.' so i wouldn't commit if you're not down for the horniest nonsense ever written. seriously it will get steamy.

content info: this reader has a little more physical description than some of my others- mentions of her having very curly hair and a more curvy body. it's kinda plot relevant.

content warnings: obviously an affair. the husband king is an evil evil nasty man. he very much abuses reader. her family is treated as foreigners and they are looked down upon. he is physically violent and hits her and there is an attempted sexual assault and threatening scenarios. reader has a panicked reaction. reader also starts off believing sex is not pleasurable but, uh, learns different later to say the least.

please proceed at your own discretion.

chapter word count: 5100 words.

There is no groom at your wedding. Your betrothed is too hungover to attend the ceremony.

You are disappointed but not surprised. Last night, your father hosted a welcome banquet but your husband-to-be ignored the lavish festivities in favour of drinking himself into a stupor. It did not matter that banners were hung in the great hall, that a feast was prepared, that the palace glittered in anticipation of his arrival. It did not matter that you were a vision, resplendent in ivory and pearl, prepared and perfected just for him.

The house, the money, the bride. It did not matter at all.

Such insult would not have been tolerated in any other man, but he is not just another man. He is a king. Only the heavens can issue him orders, just as he commands common blood like yours.

The king holds nothing but disdain for your union and last night it moved like a poisonous mist through your home. There was nothing you could do. You sat and watched your royal betrothed make a crude mockery of your arranged marriage. He travelled to your lands with a contingency of courtiers and they filled your house with his contempt.

They all detest you. Your family is wealthy but your father’s land sits at the border. Many at court consider you foreigners in all but paperwork.

Regardless of that status, your family owns the most prosperous land in the kingdom – a kingdom with coffers long since drained from an overseas war that reaped nothing but blood.

This arrangement will save the kingdom and your betrothed knows that, but he is not happy to marry for money when his bloodline is better. He spent the night belittling your family name, sneering at you, and pawing at the servant girls between drinks.

The king drank. The courtiers laughed.

Only one group extended any civility towards you at all.

“His Majesty sends his regards,” the leader of that group speaks to you now.

He is in black robes, a sword at his hip. He is the leader of the holy kingsguard, an ancient order sworn to defend heaven’s earthly sovereign. There is nothing holy about the degenerate king, but his kingsguard is an ordained ministry nonetheless. They surrender all earthly goods and fortunes, devoting themselves to service and soldiership. That includes a vow of total chastity, so they are the only men permitted to perceive the future queen prior to the ceremony.

What little remains of the ceremony.

The soldier – Chan, you recall – informs you the ceremony will now be conducted by proxy. The king is bedridden today, but the wedding cannot be delayed as he is needed back at court and the return journey is long.

Chan is polite and respectful. He does not mention that the marriage cannot be delayed because the king wants money now. You are certain your betrothed’s condemnation of his otherwise worthless bride was rather more unkind.

You remember the cold eyes of his courtiers, his even crueler sneer, and you blink back tears.

“I understand,” you say. You are practiced at maintaining grace in the greatest adversity. “Thank you, soldier.”

Chan wears a pitying expression. It looks like he wants to say more but he knows his place. The kingsguard is the strictest order in the kingdom. Only the most devout are granted the black cloth and silver sword.

“Your Majesty,” he says with a bow.

You are not a majesty yet. You have weddings vows to swear to a stranger first.

Until then, you are just another woman.

You made the wedding dress yourself. You have always enjoyed the craft of needlework, even where certain jobs could be passed along to a seamstress. Growing up, you spent more hours alongside the working women than at your mother’s table, a behaviour that was indulged until the war.

You run your fingers along every familiar stitch, tracing the embroidered floral patterns down your forearm. You always wanted a spring wedding, but it was not meant to be. You enter the hall with the hot summer sun pouring over the crystal and marble.

It is an ostentatious ceremony. Not even the king could afford such a spectacle. It makes you think he absconded on purpose. What better way to wrestle back his dignity than to disregard the expensive ceremony?

The king’s absence is felt more than your presence. It turns the grandeur of the hall into a theatrical farce. Courtiers giggle behind their hands, the traditionalists casting you withering looks of disapproval.

Your own family smiles and you smile weakly back.

For all their faults, you love your family. They thought they were doing something good by arranging this marriage. A small, childish part of you even hoped they were right, but that hope is gone now. You have resigned yourself to the sad reality of the world. Life is a dreary wash save what small bits of colour one dares sew into its seams.

There are flashes of black cloth around the hall. Chan is not among the present kingsguards as the leader stays close to the king, but a handful of the regiment has been spared to witness the proxy vows.

You recognize a soldier named Hyunjin, standing apart for his beauty as much as position. Several of the ladies tittered about him last night, lamenting that such a handsome form was sworn to a chaste life.

You do not recognize the other two. One is short and stocky. The other has silver hair and a freckled face, smiling at you from the far corner. You stare back at him, taking the proffered comfort of that open sweetness.

You finally reach the front of the hall. You step onto the dais. The minister rises and a hush cascades down the congregation.

You worry your pounding heart can be heard in the highest arches of the hall.

The first words of the ceremony are a name. “Han Jisung,” the minister says. It echoes with a swinging reverberation. “As an ordained soldier of the kingsguard, you have been called upon by His Holy Majesty to stand in proxy for the swearing of the vows.”

Footsteps break the silence, beat by beat. Someone ascends the dais.

At first, you do not look at him. You cast your eyes up to the arches of the great hall, tracing the grandiose architecture. It carries cultural traces of the borderlands. The art of this place is home to you, though it draws ire from the courtiers behind you.

You think that you may never feel so at home again, then you turn and catch the warmth of deep brown eyes. You see the man who will receive your vows on behalf of the king.

Your racing heart stumbles over itself.

Han Jisung. You recognize this soldier from the banquet last night.

The strange man stands beside you. His nails are painted black, stark where he rests his hand on the silver hilt of his sword. His hair is as black as his midnight robes, his brown eyes darkly lined, but his intimidating shadows are softened by the gentler slopes of his face. There is a raw and open tenderness, even where he tries to stifle it with appropriate solemnity.

Your eyes are drawn to his lips and you remember his smile last night. Jisung strode into the banquet with a sword at his hip and a guitar at his back. It is not unusual for the kingsguard to have a bard of sorts, someone who can conjure a flattering song at whim, someone who can perform as if the gods speak through his guitar strings.

Last night, while people danced and drank, you sank further and further into yourself. You smiled prettily but all the spring blossoms in your heart rotted as the summer sunset turned to a miserable black gloaming. Torches were lit and the cackling faces on spinning bodies looked like demons in the lamplight. The king ignored you so everyone else did the same.

Jisung, armed with a guitar, was enchanting a crowd of courtiers and some local palace residents. You watched from a distant seat. You could not help but stare, captivated by this stranger, this combination of soldier and musician and holy man. His glowing face in the torchlight was a solitary beacon, his smile more intoxicating than the ever-flowing wine. His laughter rang out like a symphonic chord, travelling the air to touch your ears where you sat alone.

The man was no one to you, just another stranger in your home, but there such a simple, honest delight to him.

He just seemed so alive.

You were not prepared for the moment he met your gaze. His black robes swished as he jumped, his dark hair bouncing. His eyes seemed to flash gold in the firelight. He stood on a chair above the crowd and said, “A song for the future queen!”

He could not know you loved the springtime but that is what he sang. Perhaps the gods really did speak through his guitar string as he sang of new beginnings and hopeful seasons and cherry blossoms. You smiled.

It was your first real smile all day.

He looks at you now, a flicker of something kind in his dark eyes. You see that twinkle only briefly because he dips into a respectful bow.

You unravel at the sight.

You imagine truly marrying this man, swearing oaths to him and not some wretched figment he serves. You imagine the promise of laughter. You imagine those warm eyes seeking you across the room. You imagine a song every spring.

You know it is a fantasy. This man is a stranger and that version of him is a fabrication. But your heart breaks because that version of you – the girl who is happy for the rest of her life – is just as much an impossible fantasy.

Jisung looks up while bowing. He meets your gaze just as a tear trickles down your cheek. No one else notices, just like one else noticed you last night.

His eye twitches, his polite smile faltering.

He sees you. He straightens slowly. His brow furrows ever so slightly, his teeth tugging at his lip with thought.

You jump when he waves, flicking his wrist like he is batting a fly. The discreet sweep of his thumb across your cheek is so fast, you only know it happened because the tear track dries.

“In the name of the gods,” the minister speaks, “the ancient and the almighty, we gather here today to unite in matrimony the holiest of subjects. This couple has been brought together through heaven’s all-knowing divine intervention.”

You bow your head. There is nothing else you can do. You listen to the recitations and make your oaths when prompted. You swear before gods and men to serve your husband, to obey him, to always be pure and faithful to him.

“The gods grant you to speak on behalf of the divine blood,” the minister says to Jisung.

You look at Jisung. He is already looking at you. His gaze darts down your dress, across the floral embroidery, and lands at your feet.

Your breath catches when he slowly gets down on one knee, keeping his head bowed and eyes down. A gentle murmur disturbs the congregation, but there is no outrage. The king would not have bowed before the queen, but perhaps the genuflection of a proxy is appropriate.

“I swear,” Jisung says, his theatrical voice replaced with a gentler rasp that tingles up your spine, “I will honour you as a wife and a queen. I will revere you as the gods’ chosen consort.” He looks up, his lashes long and dark, his brown eyes so big and warm. You think he is so beautiful; it almost makes you sick. That dizziness worsens when he smiles and says, “I will be your protector. Until the day I die, no harm will ever come to you.”

He stands. Blessings are made. The minister pronounces the union has been sanctified by the gods. The congregation kneels in genuflection, respectful of the rituals even if they don’t like you. You stand on the dais above them all, maintaining a stoic expression.

You are a wife and a queen, though your husband is nowhere in sight, and your eyes stray to a head of dark hair, bowed with the rest of them.

Jisung looks up, a bit of hair falling over his eyes. He flashes a smile.

Your heart picks itself up and starts running again.

You cannot do this.

You thought you could try for the sake of your family. You thought you could try for the sake of the gods. You thought you could try for the sake of the kingdom and all the innocent people within it.

Then the king came to your chamber. He did not attend the wedding feast, just as he did not attend the ceremony. It was a fair excuse to make an early departure, returning to your room while the music played and wine flowed. You were exhausted, emotionally weary, and your face was sore from so many false smiles.

You discarded your elaborate gown. You were in a shift, sitting at your vanity and removing jewelry, when the king arrived. He did not announce himself or knock. He threw open the door and marched inside like a conquering force. He looked over your room with a scrunched face of displeasure, grimacing as if he was standing in a barnyard. He looked at you with the same hateful distaste.

Your throat closed up as if you inhaled poison.

You stood on shaking legs. You had practiced a speech for this moment. You thought perhaps you could convince the king to regard you as a decent friend if not a cherished wife. You were willing to compromise on happiness.

He backhanded you without hesitation. No one had ever hit you so hard. It felt as though he struck you with hot iron, your cheek a stinging welt. Bells seemed to drown out the music downstairs.

“Sire,” you said, your voice shaking worse than your legs.

You found you could not look at him directly. Your eyes burned just turning towards him.

“Get on the bed,” he said. “Wife.” He might as well have said whore for all that the word was spat.

You never expected to enjoy your wedding night. All women know there is no pleasure in acts of copulation. But this was something else entirely. You approached the bed like a deer skirts the edge of the woods. One wrong step and you knew it would be over.

He grabbed you from behind before you could sit. You slammed your eyes shut, curled your fists tighter.

In the darkness, you heard music, a distant voice belting some sweeter tune. You recognized Jisung, his crystalline voice soaring above the bells. Your heart chased the sound, a desperate stampede up your body. It seized control and before the king could do more harm, you blurted, “I’ve started my monthly bleeding.”

He stopped, the hem of your shift in his fists.

“Just – just so you know,” you said.

It was a lie. You braced yourself for the worst. If he chose to disregard it, if he chose to take you anyway, he would quickly see there was no blood and you were trying to deceive him. He had rights as a husband and it was sinful to deny him.

He made a sound like gagging. He shoved you forward. You collapsed in a heap on the bed.

He walked away.

“I will not have you on the road,” he said. You are not sure if he looked at you again because you hid your face in the blankets. Hiding, as if you could will the world away by not seeing it. “You’re filthy enough as is,” he continued. “When we reach civilized society, you will be made as appropriate as you can be. You will be cleaned, you will lose weight, you will be made to look halfway respectable, not like some borderland animal laying in its own filth. I will have you then without exception. Wife.”

You shuddered when the door slammed shut.

The sun was still setting when he left. It has long since vanished from the sky. You have not moved. You fear if you lift your head, he will be there, waiting to strike.

After a long, long time, you surface. Your room is empty. The lavender light of sunset is gone and there is a darker puddle of moonlight, trickling between the curtains, pouring down your back. You shiver. You touch your cheek and find it is still tender.

You try to pray but you are surrounded by silence. Even the music has ended.

In the ringing silence, you stand. Your body is sore from laying curled up for so long. It takes some pacing to straighten fully. Back and forth, across your room. Back and forth, in the silence.

I cannot do this, you think. Back and forth, the same thought, again and again.

Disobeying the king is unlawful. Abandoning him when you have sworn an oath is treasonous. Even the kingsguards are bound to their vows for life. If a soldier breaks his oath, he is put to death, swift and sure. The punishment for a disobedient wife is the same.

The silence is agonizing.

You know what you have to do. It will not be easy.

You have to try for sake of yourself.

The risks are great but you would rather die a swift death than suffer the slow poisoning of contempt.

Your adrenaline pounds. You pack all your jewelry in a sack to sell. You bring some clean clothes.

There are servants clothes in a stack by the unlit fireplace. You mend their worn garments during the busy seasons. They are always appreciative and you like helping people.

You don a pageboy’s garb and tuck your hair into a hat. The king commented on your build and you grant it gives you away, built with your mother’s curves with a cascade of your father’s curly black hair. You hide all your prominent features as best you can. You will be more inconspicuous as a roaming servant boy than as a notable queen.

You tip-toe into the corridor, uncertain if the hallway is guarded. The palace is usually safe but you are a queen now, so maybe the king sent guards. Protecting you was in his oath, after all.

Kings are not beholden to their oaths. The hallway is empty but you are hardly aggrieved. You seize the opportunity and let your racing heart carry you away.

Down the hall, down the winding stairs, through the kitchen, past the door. You slow to a nonchalant canter when passing other servants, making sure to turn your face down and keep to the shadows. Everyone is either busy, drunk, or tired, so you manage to slip past without notice.

Once you are alone outside, you break into a run. You do not leave yourself a moment to think. If you begin to doubt, you will falter, and this will all be over.

You are panting and sweating by the time you reach the stables. You are not exactly in the habit of great exertion. You take a moment to catch your breath while scanning for guards. There must be some. The courtiers have their animals in camps around the palace but the king’s horses are stabled. The kingsguards have alternated shifts to keep an eye on the king’s property.

There are no guards to be found. You approach the stable with cautious steps. No one appears and you slip into the stables unseen. There is a lit lamp, swinging as though recently bumped, but there is no one in here. Just the horses.

You step to the first stall. Your heartbeat is erratic and it pounds harder when you find a horse already bridled. Did they forget to remove the saddle? This is one of your father’s horses and that is unusual, but you do not question it.

You lead the horse out of the stall and into the middle of the stable. You speak gentle nothings to him. You have not often ridden this horse as he is one of the faster animals, but you will need that speed tonight.

Perhaps the gods are on your side after all.

You take hold of the saddle. You are about to hoist yourself onto the mount when a zing of metal slashes through the silent night. The tip of a sword touches your shoulder.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You recognize that voice.

Of all the kingsguards to find you, of course it would be Han Jisung.

You are so startled that your adrenaline turns from fire to ice. You freeze solid.

“Hey! Little boy!” He lightly jabs you with the sword, just enough to scratch the material of your stolen shirt. “A kingsguard asked you something. Answer me! Now!”

Your hands are still raised when you turn around. It is a slow, begrudging reveal. Your eyes are on the hay-spattered stable floor. You look at his black boots, the silver sheath hanging at his hip. Up, up, up, your eyes slowly lift.

You meet his gaze. His brow is furrowed with frustration but it uncrinkles when he recognizes you. That irritation is smacked off his face, shock changing his whole disposition. The sword wobbles and he takes a startled step back.

“You—” he says. He looks at you, jaw-slacked, then rubs his eye as if he cannot believe what he is seeing.

Finally, the sword lowers to his side. His long black robes swish with the movement. His shock gives way to panic.

“What are you doing?” he demands, his voice breaking on a harsh whisper. He swiftly sheaths the sword and takes several determined steps closer to you. “Are you crazy? Where are you going? And what are you wearing?”

“I’m leaving,” you snap back. The burgeoning panic in your chest begins to putter, making you indignant in your desperation. “And I’m obviously in disguise.”

“Oh. A disguise,” he says, utterly dry. His face is theatrical by nature, brows jumping and eyes widening as he speaks. “Yeah, no one could recognize you like this. Except for, oh, I don’t know—”

Audaciously, Jisung snatches the hat off your head. You yelp, throwing your hands up to grab it, but he pulls it away faster than a blink.

Your hair tumbles free, curls even messier than before. You slap your hands over your head, frantically smoothing them down. Your arms start to shake, all that panic and adrenaline bubbling, needing somewhere to go. You feel as though you are going to burst, a screaming firework shooting through the roof of this stable.

“I would have been fine with the hat,” you snap. “I made it this far.”

“Only because half this house is drunk,” he replies with equal verve. “Look at you, your hair, your woman’s face, your – your woman’s body.” He stumbles over that one, eyes flicking down your form and up again. He clears his throat and shakes his head. “You would have been caught immediately. You were caught immediately.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say. “I know my way.”

“There’s no way a girl like you has ever ridden anywhere past your family’s land,” he says.

You are flushed with heat and aggravation. You want to argue but he is not wrong. You know the general direction to the nearest town but you have never ridden there on horseback.

“I know my way,” you say again.

“Do you?” He takes a step closer. “You go north – do you know which trail is overrun with bandits? And the east – do you know which path to take to avoid the mountain lions? Or the west – if you go over the border and the men who live in those woods discover you alone—”

“Stop it!” You throw your hands up over your ears. All that panicked heat simmers and spills. It turns to tears.

You sob.

He’s right. You know he’s right. You let your desperation and your adrenaline carry you this far, but you are not prepared for an arduous journey. You have a sack of jewels that are a greater liability than asset on dangerous roads. What would you have done if they were stolen? What would you have done if someone hurt you? You have nothing. No map, no direction, and no hope.

Jisung’s shoulders drop as he watches you cry. His own passion tempers itself, his frustration cooling in the face of your tears. He let himself get carried away too, but you don’t blame him. He is a kingsguard. He is duty-bound to protect the king and the king’s property, which you are.

He found you committing treason. You are lucky he did not hold a sword to your throat and drag you to the king.

His sword stays sheathed. He looks at you, expression morose.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a soft voice. “You know I can’t let you go.”

“I know,” you whisper, gasping through your tears.

If you were not so miserable, you might have laughed at the look on his face. You are certain this man has encountered many adversaries, but never a sobbing woman. He would have been happier dealing with a real thief.

His hand lifts and falls as he wars with himself, evidently debating whether he should touch you or not. You stand there, sobbing into your hands while he watches helplessly.

When he does touch you, it is careful. First, just his fingertips, light on your shoulder, then the slow curving touch of his palm as he gently squeezes. It is the first kind touch in days and it sends a shiver down your spine. You look at him, eyes wet with tears, imploring with no words.

His mouth opens but he doesn’t speak. A breath stutters past his lips. Slowly, he takes back his hand, curls his fingers into his palm. He swallows.

You stare at each other in the dim lamplight. You are not sure how long you would have stood there, silent, staring, but you are interrupted before you can find out. There is a soft knock at the stable door and Jisung jumps as if it was an explosion. His head whips around, looking between you and the door.

“Fuck,” he says. His brows jump and he covers his mouth. “You didn’t hear that. Quick.”

He does not stop to explain. You have no opportunity to ask questions. He swiftly ushers you into the empty stall, closing the door behind you. He races to the stable door to greet whoever is there.

You hold your breath, hiding in the shadows as someone enters the stable. Jisung and the intruder speak in hushed tones that you cannot decipher. You inch closer to the door, peeking through the slats between the wood.

It is another kingsguard. You recognize him as one from the ceremony, the silver-haired one with the face full of freckles, who smiled at you so kindly. You would recognize such a unique face anywhere, even though he is out of uniform. For some reason, he is dressed in civilian garb, even though you know the kingsguard is not allowed to wear anything but their black robes.

“Thank you again,” the silver-haired man says. You can hear better as they step further inside.

“Don’t thank me yet, Felix,” Jisung replies. “I still think you’re crazy, man.”

“Still,” the man, Felix, replies. “Not everyone would have helped. You didn’t have any problems?”

Jisung is adjusting the saddle on the horse. His eyes briefly lift and meet yours. You duck further into shadow.

Jisung sighs and shakes his head. He tightens the reigns then hands them to Felix.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Jisung says.

Another figure steps into view, one who has been silent this whole time. You watch as the person draws back their hood, revealing a woman around your age. By the style of her gown, you can tell she is a courtier from the capital. She smiles at Jisung.

“Thank you, Han Jisung,” she says. “The gods will reward your courageous heart.”

“Ah-ha-ha.” He giggles nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “I already have everything I need. Some of us—” He casts a withering look at Felix, though his tone is light and teasing, “—can keep our chastity vows. I don’t need anything more than service.”

Felix chuckles, holding out his hand to the woman. She hurries into his arms.

“If that’s your path, I hope it will make you happy,” Felix says.

You watch as they help the woman onto the horse. Felix swings up behind her. They both pull hoods over their heads.

Jisung reaches up, offering Felix his hand. Felix clasps it.

“Brother,” Felix says.

“Crazy man,” Jisung replies.

Felix smiles. They drop hands and Felix takes the reigns. With an expert click, he marches the horse into a swift canter and rides out the open stable door. Jisung strides forward to watch them leave, craning his neck to see further.

Now you know why there were no guards. Now you know why the horse was prepared. Felix and Jisung must have been posted as guards and took the opportunity to sneak Felix away. Felix, who has evidently committed treason, breaking his vow as a kingsguard to literally ride off with a woman.

You doubt this was a whim. You wonder how long the trio has been planning this. If there was ever a time for a guard to steal a horse and sneak away, it would be in the busy chaos of a wedding week. Like Jisung said, most of the household is drunk. Others are tired and resting. A long journey back to the capital begins tomorrow.

A journey you will have to make.

You nudge the door open. Jisung’s shoulders jump, eyes wide as he looks at you, as if he forgot you were there. He regards you warily as you step forward.

“So,” you say. “It’s okay for some people to commit treason.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Jisung answers quickly. “And Felix can handle himself out there.”

You have both witnessed the other commit a treasonous act. You could rat him out to the king, just as he could drag you back and do the same. Instead, you stare at each other, your gazes measuring. They meet in the middle.

“Do you think we understand each other?” he asks.

He holds out his hand in offering. You remember his quick but substantial touch at the ceremony, that moment he wiped the tear from your cheek. For all that darkness circles the periphery of him, there is something warm at the centre of his character. It compels you to trust him.

You take his hand.

“I do,” you say.

#brilliant as always #and such a good set up for the rest of it #han jisung x reader #han jisung smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #skzdarlings story #also #sneeky sneeky felix #tbh out of the 8 I'm suprised it was lixie who broke his vows #looking forward to seeing how all this plays out #I am very very invested

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