#briefly i thought to myself. is this real????? and then i realized. i dont care im reblogging this anyway

[nanasrkives]

navigation : midnight records! the starlight EP! the mha EP!

── .✦ "STUBBORN HEART" ─ Bakugo Katsuki

for some reason i was beefing with mha (dont ask me even i dk why) but we made up sooo here is a lil bakugo content (i missed u boom boom boy) content : one shot. fluff. bakugo being in denial. 658 words

Katsuki Bakugo prided himself on his unshakeable concentration and determination. Feelings were a distraction, a disturbance that had no place in his life while he strived to be the best hero. Yet lately, he was thinking about you for no reason at all.

It began innocently enough—a little joint training here, a mission there. But soon enough, he grew aware of the faint catch in his breath when you laughed, the involuntary tightening of his fists when others stood too close. He brushed these aside as minor irritations, attributing them to anything but the feelings growing that he would not admit.

"Dammit," he growled under his breath, closing his locker perhaps a bit harder than strictly necessary. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

His internal struggle did not go unnoticed. Kirishima, ever the perceptive friend, lifted an eyebrow as he approached. "Yo, Bakugo. You alright? You've been kinda tense lately."

"Mind your own business, Shitty Hair," Bakugo responded, the ends of his ears tinting a light pink. "I'm fine."

But our poor boy wasn't okay. Each encounter with you made him increasingly flustered, increasingly disturbed. He caught himself analyzing each word you'd say, each look you'd give him. Were you being nice? Or was something else going on? Not knowing ate at him, feeding his annoyance.

One evening, after a particularly intense training session, he spotted you giggling with Kaminari. A sharp, unwelcome pang of jealousy stabbed him in the chest. His vision narrowed, and the next thing he knew, he was stalking over, his usual scowl darker than normal.

"Hey, Dunce Face," he bellowed, causing you and Kaminari to step back. "Can't you just leave people alone?"

Kaminari blinked, looking confused. "Uh, we were just talking, man."

"Go talk somewhere else," Bakugo growled, his eyes darting towards you briefly before he looked away. "Some of us need to focus."

You observed him, your eyes a blend of amusement and interest. "Alright, Bakugo?"

"I'm fine," he snarled, the lie evident to everyone but him. "Just. get out of my way."

As he stalked away, his mind reeled. Why should he care who you talked to? Why should it infuriate him so? The questions circled and circled, offering no solace.

He couldn't sleep that night. Whenever he tried to close his eyes, your face would pop up, and with it, that infuriating warm sensation in his chest. He snarled, pressing his face into his pillow. "This is stupid," he muttered. "I'm not some love-struck dumbass."

Yet denial could take him only so far. The more he struggled against it, the more powerful the feelings became, until finally he could no longer hold it in.

Backing you into the hallway after class, he took a deep breath, his normal confidence trembling. "Listen," he started, his voice rough. "I don't know how to say this without making myself sound like a damn idiot. I like you. Not in a friendly way. And it's driving me insane."

You blinked, taking in his words. "Bakugo."

"I'm no good at this kind of thing," he went on, staring immutably at the floor. "But I had to tell you. Do what you like with that information."

There was a pause between you, then you edged closer, reaching up to tip his chin up so his eyes met yours. "You're an idiot," you whispered, a smile pulling on your lips. "But I like you too." Relief flooded him, though he would never acknowledge it. "Good," he muttered, a small, real smile cracking his habitual scowl. "About time."

 In that instant, Bakugo Katsuki realized that maybe, just maybe, letting someone into his stubborn heart wasn't as terrifying as he thought.

2025 © NANASRKIVES. / do not copy, repost, edit, plagiarize, or translate any of my works on any platforms, including ai.

TAGLIST (OPEN) @cherrysurf

[ms-all-sunday]

personal experience time for prosperity, so i've mentioned that one piece is the reason I'm okay with the fact I'm bisexual now, which i thought it was self evident why that was but I'll explain because i feel like it gives perspective on why im so pro-sexualized/the narrative seeing this character as attractive (when appropriate obviously and i think op does a good job of doing that for the most part) for nami/robin (mainly talking about my experience with nami)

so previously ive had issues with never being attracted to female fictional characters, (I've been attracted to real human women very briefly throughout my life. i just dont hang out with a lot of people and the majority of them arent girls) and that was a problem even though i knew I was able to be attracted to girls I didn't feel like i was able to identify with that part of myself, (as a trans man, I've always felt very pushed into wlw spaces which I think isn't good and even though I have alters that identify as women we've never as a whole ever thought we were wlw) the problem was, when youre asked to be attracted to fictional women 99% of that is either objectification or look this character is hot! and then her actual character is nonexistent. which is a problem for me, because in my experience strong attraction comes from both how much i relate to someone and how much I admire them, so if I'm at large completely unable to relate to female characters, it puts me in a really fucking tough spot and i end up never being able to explore attraction like that in a fictional space. you see, you could point out to me that there's wlw characters and experiences that could've helped me? which, I'll point you to the fact I'm a man and secondly, I tried that. but I'm a man and unfortunately while I can appreciate gay girls in fiction i don't connect with them like that.

where this changed for me was a year ago when I watched one piece and then immediately was blasted by girls who were very obviously seen as attractive but were some of the best written female characters i had ever fucking seen since having that crush on that original character,

and there were men in the context of the fiction that were attracted to nami for the exact same reasons I was ??? (sanji/zoro in arlong park) and these men were being defined by having a crush on or being attracted to nami, and she was the one in control (another reason I couldnt connect with m/f couples: i wanted to be held by a girl and taken care of by a girl not the other way around)

and she struggled with mental health like i did so of course i could relate to her! and i was being encouraged by nami herself to see her as attractive so i didn't feel creepy like i did all of the other times (being a man and being attracted to women and inherently feeling creepy was a huge issue for me) and she was seen as a whole person, a whole entire beautiful person. the fact she was so complicated and detailed made her more attractive, and the fact i could connect and relate to her and have loving her mean that I love aspects of myself i couldnt expect?? I just loved her and i was attracted to her and I couldn't control it so it had me let go of my fear without me even realizing it was happening.

i literally havent felt creepy expressing my attraction to women since.

i simply needed to figure out how to be attracted to women- nami- because i was attracted to her so immediately and so intensely that being attracted to her meant i immediately became more articulate about it because i loved her so much it burst out of me.

the fact people saw nami as attractive was both good for me, someone who finds her attractive and struggled with expressing my attraction to women and was only attracted to fictional women who were entire people!, but also allowed me to feel loved myself as a person with mental health issues similar to hers.

basically, TLDR, i think viewing female fictional characters as attractive is fine as long as they're entire people who aren't reduced to their relationship to men, and is really fucking good actually both on the level that people get to see themselves as attractive and that it rightfully sends the message that women are more attractive when they are understood as whole people with lives and flaws (that can exist outside of traditional heterosexuality).

[evilponds]

please know that i'd take all answers for kestra and cal if you wanted but to limit myself:

1.what smiley face would they use the most if they had a phone

2. regular morning beverage (and snack) order

4. if they went to a modern day university what would they get their bachelor's in and do they enjoy it

7. do they watch free-to-air tv

11. story of their first kiss (if applicable)

(from thees post)

1.what smiley face would they use the most if they had a phone

kestra: they would love the ol fashioned (: (cant do :) because that turns it into emojis and they would HATE emojis except for heart emojis, specifically 💙). they use it a lot to convey tone because theyre otherwise not very good at conveying tone, and especially wouldnt be over text

cal: cal...... would not use emojis i dont think. its stream of consciousness for her and what does she mean by that? well thats for you to figure out or ask her directly. HOWEVER. in terms of SMILEY smileys she'd use :~) in terms of others i think she would use :U and :V a lot

2. regular morning beverage (and snack) order

kestra: green tea with a lot of honey and like.. a spinach/garlic mini quiche in an ideal world

cal: black coffee + 1 (one) cigarette. breakfast of champions

4. if they went to a modern day university what would they get their bachelor's in and do they enjoy it

kestra: MYCOLOGY AND BIOLOGYYYY they would fucking love university. the structure.. the routine.. the reading.. they would do well there

cal: SO actually in the project cal is from, she did briefly go to undergrad. the thing is she hated it, she didnt feel that it was for her, and so when she ran out of money to pay tuition she just dropped out rather than put herself in debt for something she hated and decided her younger sister could go ahead and be the first person in their family to finish college. she never declared a major but she probably would have gone with business or something else that she thought would be lucrative

7. do they watch free-to-air tv

i had to look up what this is lol

kestra: they would and they would enjoy any educational material

cal: she would not know what it is and if she did i dont think she would care

11. story of their first kiss (if applicable)

kestra: when kestra was still an initiate in their circle at 19, there was another initiate around their age, named ferryn, with whom kestra got quite close. they shared one kiss, but unfortunately their cirle kind of sucked and had been trying to frame kestra and ferryn as competition for each other as a way of motivating them to grow stronger ("""survival of the fittest""" etc). kestra did not really care about this and didnt really understand it anyway; ferryn, however, ended up getting into it and ended up becoming quite cruel towards them

cal: her "first kiss" would have been at 14 with some neighbor boy, whereupon both realized pretty quickly they were both gay. what she considers to be her first real kiss was about a year later with a girl whose mother frequented her own mother's shop. they had been friends, of a sort, until cal learned she was moving out of baldurs gate. they kissed on her last night in the city, out behind her mothers shop

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Laid out cold, now we're both alone (part 3)

A/N: Hello, this fic is very important to me because I tried my best to give justice to such a cool idea and I hope I did a good job. Plus I don't do multichapter ofter, so this was a challenge.

I wanna thank the lovely @livdonna​ for proofreading my work, you're literally the best <3.

P.S. If you want to get tagged in the next chapters, let me know.

Summary: Nikki needs to ask a favor to Vince Neil, in order to keep someone safe.

Warnings: Major Character Death,Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Use, Angst, Overdose.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Taglist: @slashscowboyboots @witchytombstonesmile @arnold-layne @emometalhead​ @i-dont-like-rice​ @nikki-sexx​ @smokeandmirrorz​

Bittersweet. That was the best way to describe Nikki’s emotional state as he got teleported in front of Vince’s house. They weren’t the biggest fans of each other.  He was always so annoyed by his singer, whom he considered more of a diva prince than a front man.

Sometimes Vince Neil was a stupid spoiled fucker, in his opinion, yet he needed him. What made his blood boil the most was that he had to put his pride to the side, because this wasn’t about him but about Tommy, and there was no way in hell he would have disappointed him again, even if that meant having to deal with the blonde’s bullshit.

He decided to get in the blonde’s house but without showing himself at first.  He wasn’t being avoidant ( absolutely not) but just he wanted more time to think, that’s all. The first thing he noticed was how different Vince’s mansion looked from Mick’s : outside there was a big pool, in which the clear water was shining thanks to the sunny day, meanwhile the inside was mostly white and gave the whole house a very elegant and snobby atmosphere; however it was very messy too, which was a huge disappointment.

It reminded him of the singer: face of an angel but inside he had his demons. Who didn’t to be honest? Unfortunately Nikki wasn’t so lucky to get an angel face to hide his dirty soul, he felt like everyone could tell how fucked up he was.

Lost in his thoughts he almost didn’t notice Vince passing right through him, talking on the phone in an exasperated tone.

“I know Doc, you repeated that hundreds of times! Yeah , I’ll call Mick and Tommy and we will do this fucking conference!”

There was a small pause.  Doc was probably answering back, and Vince looked like he was about to smash the phone on the ground.

“What’s holding us? We fucking lost our bassist, our friend and brother. Jesus, I fucking get it that you want our money but show some fucking mercy, bastard! Fuck you!” He violently put the phone down, only to fall ungracefully on the couch.

The whole conversation made the bassist laugh out of anger.  He knew Doc was all about money, especially because they made his life a living hell, but Vince appearing concerned about his death was honestly so fake.

What? Were you saying that Vince Neil was mourning him? The guy who kept fucking up the band over and over again was sad for him?

“Fucking Nikki, real dick move you pulled there!”

Nikki didn’t wait one second before sitting on the couch and making himself visible to the blonde.

“Oh Vinnie, that’s so rude to say.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Vince screamed,  trying to back away but just managing to fall off the couch.

The other man couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Nikki, is that you? What kind of joke is this?!”

“Yeah. Look it might sound nuts but I’m a ghost. I’m dead and couldn’t pass through because I have unfinished business to solve.”

If looks could kill, well Nikki would have died again judging by how Vince was staring at him. He saw his face turning into an angry snarl before he started to yell.

“What the fuck, Sixx?! You die, leave us all alone and then you even have the courage to stay a fucking ghost! You fucking selfish prick!”

The bassist felt his blood boiling, well not literally but he got the same feeling as if he still had blood pumping in his body. How did Vince dare to say such things? He was the selfish prick, he was the one never caring and always causing trouble.  He was destroying the band!

“I’m a selfish prick?! I didn’t decide to fucking die! I put my heart and soul in the band and you kept destroying it. Now you want to accuse me? Fuck you!”

“You didn’t want to die? Oh well, what did you think would happen if you kept injecting that shit in your veins. We are fucking screwed now, without a bassist and ready to split up!”

Oh that was funny! Vince wanted to shame him, as Nikki was the only one drinking and fucking up with drugs. Oh sure Mick, Tommy and him could do anything but Nikki dares to shoot up, oh he’s a junkie! However he knew it was different, it wasn’t a simple way to party for him... He needed it to be alive. He had tons of pages written in his diaries that could be used as a proof.

“Oh because you’re such a saint, aren’t you Vinnie? I’m the bad one, I’m the one out of control. Well guess what?  The only person I hurt was myself, meanwhile we can’t say the same thing for you!”

It was a low blow, a terrible one and Nikki knew that. Rage blinded him, but that didn’t mean he had to dredge up the past, especially on something as horrible as Razzle’s death.

Good job Sikki, great way to get your friend to do what you want.

Vince’s face turned red, his fists clenched and got up to Nikki’s nose. He looked like he was about to punch him, but he had to realize it wasn’t going to happen since the bassist was not tangible, so he kicked a small table.

“You’re the only one who you hurt? What about the band, the fans, all those people you lied to and made suffer. Most importantly, what about Tommy, Nikki? How is he? Because it doesn’t look like he wasn’t hurt when you left him all alone, when you preferred shooting up instead of caring for him.”

Tommy. If he knew Vince’s weak point, the singer knew his too. It fucking hurt so bad, now he was the one wishing to be able to slap him.

“You don’t know a fuck about me or Tommy. Shut the fuck up!”

“Oh, I know all the times I saw him scanning the room around hoping to find you, all the times he looked heartbroken when you disappeared in the bathroom during rehearsal. I saw him after you destroyed him, how he still loved you even if you threw him away like trash. His two worst nightmares came true: you left him and you died. So tell me again Nikki, how did you just hurt yourself?

He wasn’t about to cry, even if he felt like a thousand legs were kicking his chest, he wasn’t about to give that fucker the satisfaction to see him crying ( he probably couldn’t even do that). But after the pain came the realization : he was there for Tommy. He was angry to forget that this wasn’t about him but about the drummer, and he probably ruined everything.

Now the hard part came : swallowing his pride down and convincing Vince. Oh, he would probably torment the bassist as slowly as he could, but eventually he had to accept.  Fuck, the two of them knew each other since high school!

“How’s Tommy?” His voice was so low, he doubted the singer heard him, but somehow he did.

“Oh, so now you want to know how he is?!” His voice was still loud and angry, but he must have seen the desperation on Nikki’s face, because he decided to answer anyway. “ He’s a mess. I just talked with him very briefly, he wanted to know if it was real. Then Doc fucking occupied this phone like it was his bitch, so I haven’t called him again, yet.”

This wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, it wasn’t fucking reassuring at all… Fuck, literally anything could have happened, Tommy could have hurt himself or left the country and this was all because of him. He just hoped his family was going to be close to him, he was loved, they would have never left him alone. That was supposed to be his job too, but he failed.

He failed his sweet Tommy.

“Sixx, what are you thinking about?”

It was the moment. Even if his heart wasn’t beating, he still felt the oppressive pressure of anxiety.  He wanted to run but he had to do it.

Swallow your pride. You fucking owe it to Tommy.

“Vince, promise me that you’ll protect Tommy, no matter what.”

“What?” The blonde was visibly confused and how to blame him!

“You were right, I broke Tommy and he’s going to have such a hard time. He fucking loved me, even if I didn’t deserve it, and now I’m terrified he’s going to destroy himself. You can’t let that happen!”

“Nikki…”

“I fucking love him Vince. I still love him so much.  He deserves a good life, I can’t ruin him even in death. He needs support.”

“Why me? It’s not like Tommy and I are best friends.”

“Because both you and him have known each other for a long time, and when the band will keep playing there’s going to be you, him and Mick left. He would never tell his stuff to Mick and he has something else to do, which means that you have to do it.”

A dry laugh escaped from Vince’s mouth.

“What if he doesn’t want to get helped?”

“You know how to get what you want. You’ll find a way, I’d do it but I’m a little dead… look I know you hate me but I’m only asking this. Like I said to Mick, this is my dead man’s wish.”

“Okay.” The voice was so low and Nikki barely had the time to react before Vince disappeared in the kitchen.

All his insecurities came back to eat him alive. What was even the point of being a ghost if he still had feelings? The truth was that he wasn’t sure on how much Vince could help, sure having someone close to Tommy was good, but he knew his boyfriend and fuck if he was a stubborn fucker.

His boyfriend.

It was a dagger through his chest, yet it still felt warm like the first time Tommy called him that. His face always lit up whenever he said it. The drummer always made loving him seem like the easiest thing in the world, as it was even possible to love someone like Nikki.

But Tommy did and what did he get in return? A junkie boyfriend and eternal heartache, because the love of his life was dead now.

Vince came back with a beer and softer expression on his face. Nikki didn’t move from the couch so he sat back to where he was.

“I will do it. I’ll keep an eye on Tommy.” His firm voice eased Nikki’s worries a bit.

Fuck, he never expected to see Vince Neil agreeing with him.

“Thanks dude, I know you hate me but Tommy didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t hate you.” His voice was shocked and the bassist had to suppress a laugh.

Yeah sure Vince Neil, not hating Nikki Sixx.

“Oh c’mon, don’t tell me you weren’t happy to hear I was gone.”

“Fuck no. Nikki we might have fought a lot and you were a fucking pain in the ass, but I’d never want your death. I cried, you were still my band mate and brother!”

He wasn’t sure why this whole conversation was hitting him so hard.  It was probably because he didn’t know how to react to the simple act of someone caring for him beside Tommy. Especially when this someone was his singer.

But did they really hate each other as they thought they did? If the roles were reversed, would he be happy about his death?

“I felt the same. Ya know, when we thought you were dead in the car crash.”

Vince gave him a small sad smile.

“Maybe we can bury the hatchet. You don’t follow me for eternity and I won’t talk shit about you in interviews. Deal?”

“Deal.” Nikki smirked.

It’s time to go, Nikki.

The same sense of helplessness he felt before with Mick, came back. Because he could pretend everything was somehow normal, until the voice reminded him that this wasn’t his place. Even if in this case it was for the best for him to go, considering how awkward it felt for both of them to be so friendly with one another.

“Vince, I have to go now.”

The singer made an expression between sad and relieved, but maybe for the first time ever, it was genuine.

“Don’t be a stranger. Send us some bottles of Jack or some strippers from hell, okay?”

Nikki let out a chuckle. Since when he was laughing with Vince Neil?

“I’ll try my best. Vince, keep the promise.”

“He loves you. You should visit him, he deserves to say goodbye to you one last time.”

He knew that, he fucking knew that already! It didn’t matter how hard he was trying to avoid that, he was going to go to him anyway, not only because Tommy deserved it but because he was selfish.

He wanted to see him one last time too.

“I know. I’m going to go to his house next.”

Vince seemed happy and gave him a small smile. Nikki took a deep breath and got out of Neil's mansion, feeling every type of emotion.

God, now it was show time.

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Hello 👋🏼, sorry if I’m bothering u but ever since the recent chapters of BNHA I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Todoroki family. Not many of my friends are into this anime and I just couldn’t stop myself from sharing this with you because I need to let this out.

[SPOILER ALERT 🚨!!! IF U DONT READ THE MANGA THEN U CAN JUST IGNORE THIS]

First of all:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

(I’m still screaming as I write because the backstories RUINED me.)

Poor Touya having this horrible obsession over heroics and having his father acknowledge him but ever since his quirk started reacting against his body the whole family got negatively affected by it.

Rei and Enji wanted to stop at two kids but with Touya’s sudden disadvantage and the latter’s craving for power, Natsuo and later on Shouto was born (the youngest getting titled as the perfect heir from the moment he was born). I got torn seeing Touya’s eyes succumb to absolute madness at the birth of his younger brothers.

What scared me the most was how when it was just Touya and Fuyumi, the two hardly interacted despite being only a year apart in age. Touya claimed that ‘girls just don’t get it’ this small foreshadowing was later brought to light in the most recent chapter where he once again rejects Fuyumi’s company in favour of ranting to only Natsuo and where he disregards his own mother— another ‘girl’ that doesn’t understand his obsession passion for surpassing All Might and someone who plays along to the acts of those stronger than them. Touya saw his mother as a weak person who had no choice but to marry for the sake of her family and have custom children. Little Touya firmly believed his very existence depended on getting acknowledged my his father and defeating All Might but it sadly didn’t come true😭😭

Also..... LOOK AT THE BABIES!!!! They’re all so CUTE!!!

Chubby Fuyumi!!!

Natsuo with a running nose

And Baby Shouto with a meme like face since the day he was born🤣🤣🤣🤣

So ADORABLE!

And another thing. FUYUMI WAS EVEN YOUNGER THAN I THOUGHT TO HAVE STARTED ACTING LIKE A SECOND MOTHER TO HER BROTHERS!! Look at the way she defended Natsuo when Touya went on a rampage and tried to attack Touya! And during moments when Enji and Rei fought the two most notable heroes were Shouto and Fuyumi; the former fighting on the frontlines to face his father while the latter stood behind to once again care for her remaining family that though weren’t involved in the fight, they still needed emotional support to get through it.😭

I AM SO SORRY TO BE GETTING TO THIS SO LATE ANON BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

TW: Spoilers, Brief Mention of Child Abuse (Physical, Emotional and Mental), General Fandom Wank

So, like, SO MUCH HAPPENED in those chapters and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALMOST ALL OF IT! There’s obviously all the things you mentioned above that were just amazing to see and learn! I know that a majority of the fandom has been absolutely livid about the reveals involving Touya being drastically different than what fandom thought they were all this time, but I think it honestly highlights how smart Horikoshi’s writing really is.

In Shoto, we see the effects of physical and mental abuse on a child, and how easily he could have ended up going down a troubling road much like Touya. Shoto’s saving grace is facing off against Deku in the Sports Festival, giving him an outside perspective and makes him realize that he can choose to be better, but that doesn’t just magically fix all of Shoto’s problems. Shoto still struggles with his feelings towards his Father and how he is perceived by simply being Endeavor’s son. We see that in the Provisional License Arc, where Shoto is so thoroughly rattled by Inasa. It’s even further pushed through how Shoto struggles with his feelings about Endeavor trying to better and whether or not he should forgive him. I feel like Shoto’s arc is incredibly strong and that his struggles are very realistic, which is why people love him so much. This whole concept is another thing I could rant about but I’m going to leave it here.

Meanwhile, with Touya, we see the effects of mental and emotional abuse on a child and how it can completely destroy them. I think people that act like Horokoshi “down played” and “ret-conned” Endeavor as a character to make him more sympathetic/ redeemable or that he’s simply writing Touya as “always being a bad seed” are missing the mark. This is, admittedly, something you see a lot when it comes to victims of abuse in the real world as well; the idea that if you weren’t physically or sexually abused on top of emotional or mental abuse, your abuse is somehow less “valid.” Now I’ve seen more voices speaking out against this mentality - which is relieving and positive - but it’s still a problem. The way Touya was abused is no less valid or scarring to himself as a person as what Shoto has been through was. Touya and Enji clearly had a deep bond as father and son. Hell, the fact that Enji is sobbing and saying he “can’t fight his own son” in regards to Touya, but clearly had less issue training Shoto until he got ill or passed out says a lot.

Touya was put on an incredibly high pedestal by Enji’s constant praise and attention. He was the apple of his father’s eye until the limitations of his Quirk were discovered. Enji had filled his head with promises and goals for what his future would be, essentially selling him what turned out to be a lie. We see Rei herself tell Enji that Touya “knows you expect something out of the kids.” Touya’s whole life up until that point was being told of all the great he would someday accomplish, and equating that to being deserving of his Father’s love, attention and affection.

And then he couldn’t live up to that expectation. And then his parents had two more kids following that revelation. The idea that Touya doesn’t realize that Natsuo and Shoto were meant to be his replacements - unbroken models that “deserved” Enji’s love - is clearly not missed by him. It’s evident in the way he looks at Natsuo after he’s born. He sees this as a sign that he is no longer deserving - no longer worthy - of love or support from the parent he absolutely adores.

We see this mostly from Enji and Rei’s perspectives, so we know the reasons they did it, but it’s clear they didn’t stop to think about the way this would be interpreted by Touya himself. This whole matter is only worsened by the fact that Enji refuses to make sacrifices for the sake of his oldest son. He pushes Touya to live a life outside of Pro Heroics while Enji himself refuses to do the same, thus setting a positive example and showing solidarity with his son. He instead pushes him away and distances himself, loses himself in focusing on Natuso and, once his Quirk turns out to not be what he wants, Shoto. Touya continues to push himself despite his limits in a desperate bid for Enji to look at him the way he used to; with pride and love. 

What caused the fire that “killed” Touya? His anguish over being neglected and abandoned - left unloved - by his father yet again. It’s clear that Touya’s mental health is in need of some real focus that he has never gotten - due to both his parents negligence as well as the fact that mental health is highly stigmatized in Japanese society - and pairing that with the emotional and mental abuse he suffered at Enji’s hands broke him.

So many people are claiming Horikoshi is trying to make Enji “more redeemable”, but how do you get that? Enji abused Rei, his own wife, physically and emotionally and mentally until she had a psychotic breakdown, hurt their youngest child, and then robbed her the right to mother her children further by having her locked up in a psych ward for the next decade or so; built their oldest son, Touya, up only to then emotionally and mentally abuse him to the point he damn near killed himself in a frantic bid to garner Enji’s support only to return years later completely unhinged and looking to murder his entire family out of spite; neglected Fuyumi and Natsuo to the care of each other and hired help; alienated Shoto, his youngest son, from his siblings for his entire formative years, physically and mentally and emotionally abused him, groomed him to accomplish a task he never wanted, put him through such extensive physical training that Shoto would get sick or pass out.

Enji was a shitty father. He has a long ass road to continue walking if he ever wants redemption. The fact he didn't physically hit Touya doesn’t mean that Enji didn’t abuse his son and it doesn’t make Touya any less of a victim.

* End TodoFam Rant*

On a slightly lighter note, I also like all the information with Hawks’ past and all the parallels we’re seeing develop!

I’ve rambled briefly about this in other places the Huwumi discord but I want to expound upon this a bit more here.

I feel like Touya/ Dabi and Keigo/ Hawks are meant to be parallels to one another.

Back to back, we had proper name claims by these two characters. We had Dabi reveal his true identity as Todoroki Touya and then we have Hawks choosing to abandon his hero name to instead step up to fight as Takami Keigo.

I feel like “Dabi” was always a mask, of sorts. Dabi is typically pretty calm, cool, composed with the occasional bites of snark and cruelty. Meanwhile, we see Touya emoting and moving in a manner more akin to himself as a child, dancing about in manic delight over revealing his true identity and intentions. The pair of them are two drastically different people when you stop and look at it. “Dabi” was the mask he wore to gain ground to enact his revenge, and now that he is there? Now Touya can burn everything tethered to it down to ground.

Meanwhile, we have "Hawks” as he was forced to become as per the Hero Public Safety Commission. We had it revealed quite a while back that Hawks was a man of many faces, jumping from laid-back and chill to serious and focused quite frequently. “Hawks” is the presentation for the public and the Commission, groomed to be the perfect little canary in the mine that was Pro Heroics. The reveal of his true heritage, however, is not the killing blow Touya wanted it to be. Instead, it allows Keigo, the one who wanted to be a Hero to help people, the chance to truly dedicate himself to that. In being freed from the cage of “Hawks”, he is given the change to really soar as Keigo.

Now, I feel that “Dabi” and “Hawks” are most certainly parts of Touya and Keigo as well, respectively. Even though those titles were masks, they were masks made from parts of the men who wear them. I think what we’ll see going forward is the true elements of those masks bleeding back into the whole, and seeing the truest forms of each character.

For better or for worse. 

[words-for-holland]

The Songs In Our Life: A New Friend

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary : A simple city girl with a new job crosses paths with a thriving celebrity who’s extremely late for an important press interview

A/N: The long awaited first chapter. Sorry it took so long. First chapters are always hard for me and the writer’s block was real with this.

Inspired by: Friend - Kaitlyn Harner & Best Day of my Life - Robert Palmer

Album Description | Track 1 |

I’ll never forget the day I met Tom. My life had been so simple before him but the moment he stepped into my life, my world was filled with excitement and color. It was the day when my story had it just begun.

I had left my quiet hometown for the busy city life in New York, where I had just started my new job at Marvel Entertainment’s corporate office. It had always felt like a fever dream, never in a million years, thinking I would ever get the chance to work there as a lead developer for their website. Any other human being would be nervous, but I was terrfied from the start. A new job, a new home, everything was unfamiliar and the only thing keeping close to home was my best friend Kaitlyn.

Few months of adjusting to the New had passed, and life seemed to settle down, remaining static until that faithful day. I made it to doors of the Marvel Office, always arriving at the same time like clock work. A crowd of fangirls surrounded the area, which only meant that a press event was taking place at the office.

I paid no attention and headed straight to the I.T. Department, where I worked my ass for the next 5 hours, coding and testing new features. Eventually, I took a break and decided to walk around the halls. My thoughts started clouding around me, as I wondered who was coming to visit this time. Surely it had to be one of the actors from the MCU, but who?

“Oh..Im so sorry darling. Are you okay?” A frantic voice asked, steading my body with their hands. I looked up at the person I had just collided with, my eyes widening at the realization of who I just bumped into. Tom Holland. Of course, it all makes sense now as to why a fan girl army was barricading the doors of the office.

I shook my head and kept myself together. “Y-yeah. Im fine. Sorry it’s my fault I should have watched where I was going.” I smiled at him, smoothing down my plaid shirt, making very little eye contact.

“No, dont apologize.” Tom chucked to himself as he looked down as well. “I..uh..Im running a but late for an interview and well I wasnt watching myself.” He looked right back at me, smiling. I never found him that attractive before. I always thought that he was over hyped, but in this small moment he wasnt too bad. It was definitely the eyes..those dark brown eyes and that charming smile, but why did he make me feel so nervous?

“No, it’s fine. Are you lost?” I asked without thinking. The moment the words escaped my lips, I mentally smacked myself. Of course he’s not lost. The British dude probably has a whole team of people, making sure his life is in order. Why would he need someone from IT to help find his room?

“Actually I am” Tom chuckled, his cheeks showing of a tint of pink. “I wouldn’t mind a bit of company.”

I briefly look at the clock to make sure I had time before my break ended, and I thanked the Lord I did. “Yeah I’ve got time. Follow me.”

The walk to the conference room was silent, at least for the first few minutes. Our body language mirroring the other, hands pocketed, heads facing straight ahead. I tried to get myself to say something...anything but I didn’t know what sounded less stupid. “So...what do you do around here?” His voice snapped me out of my overthinking, breaking the awkwardness.

“Oh..I work as a developer. You know writing codes, fixing things people break, asking others if they tried turning their computer off and on?” I explain to Tom, giggling at my own joke. God, he probably didnt think it was funny because he doesnt know your job.

He looks my way, feeling his eyes on me. “That sounds lovely.” Tom responds laughing along. He nervously adds “In..in a good way. Im sure you’re fantastic at it.”

I looked at him with curiosity. Ive never seen him so nervous. Technically I’ve never seen him in any emotional state in person till now, or any man in general showing a sign of nervousness talking to me. Guess, I never earned that charm. “I’d like to think so. Probably not as success as you at your job. You’re practically a God around here.” Oh no..Im over did it.

“Lies.” He laughs. “Im sure you’ve just mistaken me for Robert Downey Jr.”

“You play Spiderman, don’t you?”

“One of many roles I’m known for.” He smiles, cheekily.

“Then Im pretty sure I know who you are.” I chuckle at my response as I lead him to the door. My heart drops a little as I lead him the door, knowing that Ill probably wont see him again after this. But why would I care it wasnt like I wad really that into him in the first place anyway. “And this is you’re stop.” I open up the door for Tom to enter.

“Ah...right.” His smiled drops as he reached the door. Was he just as let down as I was that our conversation was coming to a close? Tom looked to me and showed of that charming smile of his again. “Thank you.....” he prolonged his sentence, realizing he never caught my name.

“Y/N” I say confidently, only because I was 99.9% sure I couldnt mess that part up. “It was nice talking to you Tom.”

“Ah so she does know my name.” Tom joked around prolonging the moment.

“Yeah..well I have to get back and I dont want you to be any later than you need to be, so I’ll see ya —”

“Will I get to see you again?” He asked quickly, eyes filled with anticipation.

I was suprised by his response, my mouth dropping. “Uh...you want to see me...again? Like after this?”

“Yeah.” He said, assuming it was obvious. “I think you’re pretty cool and I’d love to hang out and learn more about you. Plus couldnt hurt to have someone show me some really good places to eat in the city.” Tom kept rambling, but I quickly took out a pen and impulsively wrote my number on his wrist.

“Im free tonight after work. We can meet back here if you want.” I smile as I quickly dash back to the IT wing.

“Can’t wait...Y/N.” Tom mumbles, trying hard to supress his excited.

Proceed to Track 2.

Taglist (Send an ask or message to be added):

@horanxholland @peterspideyy @stan-ish230403 @averyfosterthoughts @eridanuswave @greatpizzascissorstaco

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[princelestatdelioncourt]

*fanfict*

“Why the hell should I go down and meet him?” I protested

You know the story. I will explain what happened in between the lines.

I finally went and met the draper and his son. The actual story never said what it was felt but the basics of meeting and receiving these gifts for my good job killing wolves. At least I was compensated and given thanks for something I’ve done. For once.

My brothers were annoying on if I really killed all these wolves by myself and it was not an imaginary thing I have created in my mind and I lied to them for attention, you know Augustin’s reaction. Them thinking instead it was only that wolf I have carried back home. But at least the Villagers found the dead scene, the horse, my dogs and the wolves. So yes its was all true.

And now my brothers saw that instant connection with Nicolas. They became more annoying. Gods know when it was the last time I saw Nicolas. I was maybe, 10? I Cant even remember. He was sent to study to Paris, they had money for that. I was barely no much around the Village but when I needed to go. So I wasn't sure when he departed to Paris. I spend most of the time at the castle and later on in the mountains, hunting, my own happiness.

And so now Nicolas was back. I could remember very briefly our childhood days when we were 5 or 6. That bitter kid. Now he was looking splendid.

The sun shone on his back, it even seemed he had his own light all around him. His silhouette. He approached to me offering me the gifts and his voice was soft and captivating. Yes, I could remember him now. I looked down at the cloak and boots. Just so magnificent and gorgeous items. So soft. How could something  was alive, just weeks ago, then I killed them and now I could wear it. Is like the Medieval Times, kill they prey and wear his fur, Kill the enemy and carry his head.

I looked up, into his eyes when he was giving me the respectfully thanks, like these rich Parisians do, I just found it stupid but I thought that he either acted or he was actually that polite. I wasn't paying attention to what he said as I was submerged on my thoughts. I never knew how to thank properly as I was never given any gifts. I just looked into his eyes, so dark and so deep while he continued talking. His voice was like a soft faded song on the background. He shone, he was beautiful dressed but I also saw in him something that was familiar to me, in his eyes. Something that I knew of as well. I could see his handsome smile but I could see sadness or frustration in his eyes. It was like a self reflection of myself. Different but similar.

I ignored or tried to ignore these thoughts about him. Perhaps it was just me and my own misery receiving these gifts and his perfect outfit something that I knew I would never have. I knew that now, I would feel more alone, becasue of the wolves and now if I would wear this beautiful cloak. Surely I was in love with that cloak and boots, I never had garments like this before. But I was happy,  that I saw him again as well.

And as always, that happiness once again faded when my mother told me she was dying. Like a cold ice shower over me. I froze. I could not think, I could not act, I could not imagine but I imagined the horror that was coming my way. To have to be there when she will be on her last minutes, to listen and see her pain...unbearable. It drove me insane and mad. Mad why her. Why she had now to suffer this after all these years trapped in misery like me. WHY! Why not them, why not someone else who deserve its, Not her. I was angry with hr why she now will have to leave me that way and for her suffering, I was angry to my father for making her life miserable and mine as well, I was angry at my brothers, I was angry at the Castle, I was angry to every thing that surrounded me. I had these nightmares, killing one after another, every night, gone, and she shone, alive, young, beautiful, I saved her, They were dead and she was alive and beautiful and then she was gone, gone, gone...Mother... dont leave me...I love you...Mother...

I have stayed in my room for a week with these thoughts in my mind and these  nightmares that awoke me with despair. I wanted to be alone, to cry in silence, to think and not to think, to drink until I could not handle anymore, to run away without going anywhere, to hunt and kill whatever crossed my path...I was furious with everything... I had my dogs and they gave me some peace and company. New adult dogs I adopted days after the wolf battle when I was able to handle to have dogs. So I was able to go hunting again. Not even the servers talked to me, neither I wanted to talk to them.  All that time I was in my room, after the battle and now this about my mother, we only ate vegetables and broth. Cheese. Bread. No one, was capable to go hunting but me. So basically we starved. I wasn't hungry anyways. I had too much in my mind. I didn't care about food.

The red cloak on my bed and the boots near the fireplace. I thought about Nicolas then. I felt I was like in a dark cloud all this time, grey skies all around me, cold, unable to see past that cloud but that cloak was so bright red, was so vibrant, like when I saw Nicolas, he shone. How much I wished everything was a dream. The wolves, my mother, my brothers, my father, Nicolas...all a damned dream. But not, it was very real.

Days after my Mother came back to my room. Just as she always did when she came to my room. Same walk, same back and forth, slowly and calm yet so secure and her voice, strong but weak “Go down to the Village and meet Nicolas. His father will be happy to know he is friends with the Marquis Son.” she said

That didn't help. The hell with the Marquis and whatever people thinks I am now. I hated that. I hated it all. I hated to see my mother decaying. I hated her words. I hated to see her gray hair. I didn't say anything to respect her and not to aggravate her on her pan, I just stared at the fireplace in silence, not even looked at her now. She gave me that last look before she left my room. I saw it by the corner of my eye....moments later, I finally decided to go to meet Nicolas.

I looked horrible. I shaved with that old straight razor and splashed my face with cold water. The servants always refilled the basin with water but it was always cold. I was horrible mostly during winter times. All clean now. At least my face was. I was dressed with my old white yellow with age shirt, the jacket I owned and over my shoulder the red cloak and the new boots. It felt warm. It feel good. I make an order for the dogs to stay and they obeyed.

I’ve heard my brothers laughing and whispering on my back while I was on the way to the barn but Ignoring their presence and their ridiculous comments, I continued walking. The last thing I wanted to do now, was to fight with them.

Went down to the Village and I realized some people looked at me and bowed at me. I took a deep breath. I knew why. The wolves...I took a deep breath and made myself to continue and ignore anything else.

I went in to the Tavern and sat down. Ordering a wine I could not pay. I drank my first glass and looked around. People drinking, people drunk. Laughs. Warmth, cold. And I just sat there, with my red cloak, observing the Villagers. Thinking why I could not be like them? They seemed happy. They had each other... can we trade?

Submerged to these thoughts, I’ve heard the door opening and hitting the wall. It woke me up from my stupor and there he was. Nicolas. He was like if he came from a long run. His hair was messy but still tied back with a bow. He seemed excited to see me there. What an excitement. He rushed to my side and I just looked at him without a word wondering why he was so happy to see me . Again, reactions like that, were new to me, unknown to experience in my daily life.

He ordered more wine and supper and up to the room we went. I followed him and I really hoped he had the money to pay all of that and not to expect the Lord to pay becasue the Lord had zero money in his pocket. I chuckled just thinking about it. I imagined myself running away at night with the inn keeper screaming to me to pay for all the ordeal.

That room felt so comfortable. So warm. And “our Conversation” began.

“What was it like, Monsieur, killing the wolves?” he stared at me

"Why don't you tell me what's it like in Paris, Monsieur? “ I said and it seemed mocking and rude. You know I was furious about my life and I simply replied the way I always replied to my brothers. But he was not like them. I knew it. I apologized he seemed to understand.

Hours and hours have passed. Drunker we were, glass after glass. I asked a full load of questions about Paris, the University, Music, Theaters...I was imagining how the city was in my mind. How glorious everything seemed in Paris, How brilliant, How one could do many things and not being yelled at it. Theaters....I looked at him, seated in front of me and I listened but I did not. I was dreaming. I was drunk and I think I smiled. I smiled like a fool. Paris....

Then we talked religion and how cynic he seemed to me on his beliefs and how bitter he was talking about it. He just lost his faith and that seemed to be creating him some turmoil. Me, I never believed n God. Never my family. We went to mass just becasue of duty. But I not even believed in God when I was at the Monastery, I just believed on the Priests and them teaching me. Nicolas had that swirl of passion and light when he spoke. I was truly enjoying that conversation.

Then we talked about the witches place. It still gave me chills to think about it but I remembered when that happened and I cried and my mother had to come and pick me up and she was all upset with the Priest for telling us all these stories. I smiled and I felt embarrassed about the thought but I was just a kid. I drank more wine to stop that moment. I knew he was studying me. I felt his eyes on me and I loved that. I think I loved him or so I thought but I was stopping myself on thinking or to say something like that out loud. Its the 18th century, It was a scandal and a sin and much more strange for two men to say they love each other.  I was very drunk so I thought it was just that.

And there came the unexpected after my thought. He leaned closer asking me if I was a werewolf for killing the wolves and I could not believe or actually express what I felt when he did that and touched the fur on my cloak that I was still wearing over my shoulders. It was a blurry vision yet so enchanting. I just didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted him to tell me everything. I never had a conversation like this with anyone. ever. To stop looking at me. I smiled then laughed.

I wanted to know so much from him, his stories, why he didn't believe in these things and why he did believe in these other things, why he thinks Paris was a hellhole, The Village is a hellhole... I'm a dreamer..Yes I am and I wanted him to understand me that everything can be like that bright yet I loved his cynicism.

"Ah, you are a dreamer!  "  he was delighted.  He was beyond handsome when he smiled.

"And I'll know people like you, " I went on, "people who have thoughts in their heads and quick tongues with which to voice them, and we'll sit in cafes and we'll drink together and we'll clash with each other violently in words, and we'll talk for the rest of our lives in divine excitement. " I was stupidly drunk and looking like a fool under his spell. I didn't care. I was so happy.

He reached out and put his arm around my neck and kissed me.  We almost upset the table we were so blissfully drunk.  "My lord, the wolfkiller " he whispered against my lips.

I can assure you I was completely lost. I didn't move, I stayed there while he was holding me. I was listening to his voice even if now he was kissing me. I saw him in my mind even if now my eyes were closed. I realized I was returning that kiss.

Someone knocking at the door, that woke me up from that moment. Behave. What the hell just happened. A kiss? The Inn keeper, more wine. He sat down again and we then started to talk about our lives, more privately. Our fathers, our siblings, or duties, beatings, pain, misery, and somewhat to find our own happiness on what we had, mine hunting and him playing music. I absolutely hate to open myself to that vulnerable level to anyone but I felt Nicolas understood and I was not yelled at it for expressing and so I understood on his when he explained about his life.

We both agreed on that conversation, we replied to each other with “Yes!” “Exactly!” “I know what you mean” and the more I opened to him, the more we shared about our live experiences, the more captivated I was. He was just like me. Nicolas had that own light and pain like I did. I looked into his eyes when he talked and I could see that frustration and furious look. His voice tone, his expressions and gestures. But he had that handsome smile when he spoke about music that made his eyes shone again. He understood, I understood and I knew we had that invisible connection and I realized that I needed him. I needed that conversation.

Holding all these thoughts and opinions in me now could be released, explained and understood. Yes he had a different point of view on some things but that made it perfect. That made us to have intense conversations yet to enjoy each others company. That’s why I loved him. Not only for his handsome look but for that deep soul search meaning in our conversations. I needed someone to talk to in my life, never was able to and he was there now. And I knew I was there for him as well. The feeling and need was mutual.

“Please play the violin for me” I begged

And he ran immediately to his home. Just across from the Inn. It was almost night and we never had supper, I didn't care. I laid on the bed, just thinking about that day. I did not want to the day to end. I felt I was happier than I had ever been in my life. I listened to his words in my mind once again and remembered him walking and talking and smiling...I found myself smiling to that.

He came back. I looked at him and smiled, still lying on bed. He stood in the middle of that small room and he bowed and smiled to me and I smiled back. I laid there with my hands under my head and he started playing. I was astonished about that sound. I stared at him and I could not believe that music that came from him and that instrument. It was peaceful, it was happiness, it was intense, it was him talking through that song. It was inexplicable what I felt. The demons in me dissipated with his song but I felt his delicate and frustrations in as well. It was us! Yes that songs was us!! It was part of our conversation!! Our pain and our happiness, our tears and dreams...yes thats what I felt!

I had my hands holding my head when he finished the song and he seemed worried about my expression. I went up and kissed him and the violin and I threw myself back to the mattress and I started to cry. I dont know why but I wanted to cry. It was a relief after listening to the song and that music, It was a relief for having him there, it was a relief for him understanding me, it was a relief for his company...I cried becasue of my past, becasue of my brothers and father, their beatings, my mother, the wolves, my miserable life...I cried becasue on him and his handsome smile, his music and this happy moment, and the wine and the night at the inn together. I released all that pain and frustrations I held inside of me for so very long time. I needed him, I craved to have someone like him my whole life and now I had his company and his music.

“Monsieur, what's the matter! “ he said

"Stop calling me Monsieur, " I said.  "Call me by my name”

I couldn't tell him why I why crying. And I hated the Monsieur, Lord...always did. This is just me, This is Lestat. I'm not a Lord I'm nothing here just me, this me, love me becasue this is me not the Lord. How much I wanted to say that and I I feel inside of me and just the thought of it made me cry even more.

He sat next to me and held me, he said nice things to me and he tried comfort me, he caressed my hair...How in the hell nobody did that to me before when I cried? Why? What was the reason I had never had physical contact with my family other than beatings? why the hell I did wrong? and I cried more thinking about that. That pain I felt in my chest becasue of my thoughts and for feeling him now close to me, holding me and telling me everything will be alright. His soft voice. There were no more jokes, there was no more wine. The room stood quiet but my sobs and his voice and the fireplace. I held his arm and I grabbed his shirt tightly. I didn't want to go or move, I could not. I wanted to stay there in that room, in his arms and I felt he understood and he never left my side.

Moments later, cant say how long it passed until I felt somewhat better, I think I finally stopped crying and I felt my eyes so puff and blurry it hurt opening them to look at the fireplace, I felt the warm and I felt his arms still around me. I finally passed out or I went into stupor becasue I could not remember anything else than flashes of moving, feeling cold, the night, a door, the castle, my room and darkness again...

Did he stay with me that night at the castle? I do not know. What he did when I passed out in my room? I do not know. I felt tired from all the emotions and the wine and I just slept. And the first thought as soon as my eyes opened the next morning, was him.

I suddenly awoke, the sun was out and it was so bright. I dont know how long I slept. I realized I was in my bed, still all dressed up with the cloak over my shoulders, the dogs by my side and I stood up quickly, splashed my face with cold water, I looked fair enough, went to the kitchen and found a bottle of wine and I went down to the Village not even thinking on hunting or anything else than to be with Nicolas, to talk to him, I needed it so very much.

And there I was standing in the crooked stone street in front of his father's shop, tossing pebbles up at his window.  When he stuck his head out, he looked at me with that swirl on happiness and his handsome smile, messy hair and I said with enthusiasm:  

 "Do you want to come down and go on with our conversation?  " I smiled to him. I felt so happy again.

I never expected, specially at that moment in my life, to have switched from grey days, misery, frustration and loneliness to light, smiles, understanding, company and love. He came to my life when I most needed it. when I was about to lose my mind. He came after all these nightmares and fears. I loved to talk to him about all these different things and beliefs, he has his point of view and opinions, which sometimes upsets me, on a good way for a good argument. We discussed different matters but that do not last more than a few minutes and there we are again, loving each other in our company and enjoying our conversations.

Nicolas is so cynic, so pessimist, but he had his reasons on these frustrations yet he has that unique light that I found so appealing. He could say the word “Spite” on every sentence. And me, I just could see a positive thing even on his words. There was always a way to find happiness on the misery and darkness we lived. Or at least thats what I learned from myself from all these years, alone, hunting and living with the misery. Now Nicolas was part of that happiness. My happiness. I spent so much time with him when I was not hunting. I needed his presence, I needed his opinions and our conversation even if we were not on the same page. Just two different point of views. We had each other and that helped us to get through our lives the best we could. Or at least I felt it that way...

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH

S3 Episode 9, 10, 11, 12

Episode 9

WHIRL NO WHY IS EVERYONE RUNNING oh

Gosh I love that Percy’s alt-mode sucks so he’s gotta hitch a ride on someone

Whirl *gracefully descends from the ceiling* Percy: *PLUMMETS LIKE A ROCK*

No joke I laughed so suddenly and loud at that I startled myself

RODDY PLEASE RETHINK YOUR DECISION TO USE A WAR TITAN TO FIGHT YOUR BATTLES IM BEGGING YOU TO USE YOUR BRAINCELL

Whirl *jumps directly on the Titan’s face*  Me: I’d die for you

Roddy: We need Windblade! Me: YEAH YOU NEED SOMEONE SMART ON THIS TEAM

Ok putting the masks on their head to hide from the Quints is actually a smart idea

“I can’t believe that worked” GUYS PLS

Aw I love that Clobber and Roddy do their little fist bump / high-five thing that’s so cute

CHROMIA AND WINDBLADE....Roddy you’re interrupting their date

Roddy: Clobber, you’re a lesbian, can you get through to them Clobber: Sure *picks up Chromia in one hand and walks off*

I feel like the smart thing for them to do would be to wake up Megatron and/or Optimus and use them to wake up other Autobots / Decepticons because like. If I was an Autobot and Megatron wandered by at a parade I’d definitely be on defense. Of course, then Roddy & co. would need to convince Megatron to help them so maybe that’s a no-go anyways

WHIRL NO!!! OH NO

AW I love that everyone’s taking care of Percy, Dead End holding his hand while running was so cute

HELL YEAH USE YOUR FIRE RODDY

HOT ROD NO!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE SAVE MY BOY!! AND WHIRL, WHO ALSO GOT HI--OH MY GOSH THEY KNOCKED THE THING OFF SOUNDWAVE AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

IF ANYONE CAN TAKE DOWN THE QUINTS AND WAKE EVERYONE UP ITS MY BOY SOUNDWAVE I mean, assuming ripping the helmet off his head rather than waking him up normally didn’t totally screw him up

AHHH SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAVE RODDY

WHOA SOUNDWAVE YOU GOOD BUDDY??? OH NO....

“Something’s wrong with him...” “You mean more than normal?” SHUT UP DEADEND

LMAO HOT ROD STRAIGHT UP SLAPPED A QUINTESSON NICE

OH NO IM GETTING FLASHBACKS TO THE MOVIE

COURT!?!??? PLEASE SAY YOUR FAMOUS LINE RODDY

HEY CAN YOU GUYS STOP BEING BUTTS TO SOUNDWAVE

“There are an infinite amount of universes in the multiverse. The Quintessons judge which ones are worthy of existence” NICE NICE NICE NICE OMINOUS AND NICE

ARE WE GONNA GET TO SEE OTHER UNIVERSES???

WHOA WAIT WHAT SCIENTIST, MACCADAM WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

IS THIS GONNA BE THE CREEPY WHEELJACK WE SAW IN LIKE EPISODE 3 OF SEASON ONE???

You know I’m realizing the Titan thing doesn’t explain how Maccadam knows about the future, is HE from a different universe / future?? Has he already seen all of this happen before? Is HE the true Homura of this series?

RODIMUS STALLING TO ANNOY THE COURT NICE

Every time Roddy uses his flames I lose my mind in excitement

HEY DEADEND STOP BEING A BUTT TO SOUNDWAVE

HELL YEAH RIP ‘EM A NEW ONE SOUNDWAVE, SHOW THEM WHO’S BOSS

HEY CAN SOMEONE *PLEASE* SAVE HOT ROD

UH OH IS RIGHT RODDY

“I wish I was a jet” He’s not gonna jump is OH HE JUMPED

OH THANK GOODNESS WHIRL WAS THERE, THANK YOU WHIRL FOR BEING AWESOME

SOUNDWAVE!!!!!!!!!!!

 Episode 10

I saw Soundwave in the thumbnail and got UNREASONABLY excited

AHHHHHHHHHHH IS THIS GONNA BE THE RODDY AND SOUNDWAVE EPISODE I HEARD ABOUT?!?!??! PLEASE??? PLEASE???

Hot Rod is the ONLY bot who could appreciate Soundwave’s background music PLEASE let them get along or at least be amicable by the end of the episode that would be so frickin good

“The Masters of the Multiverse” man what a good title

I’m so glad Season 3 has been so Hot Rod=focused, HE DESERVES THE SPOTLIGHT

lmao I love that Soundwave and Roddy are both crossing their arms on opposite sides of the bar, guys please you’ve got bigger fish to fry

This is embarrassing but I was legitimately so distracted by how nice Soundwave’s legs looked in this scene I didn’t hear a single thing Roddy said and I had to rewind the episode l m a o.....

Soundwave: I know you’re no Optimus Prime Me: *MORTIFIED GASP* THAT’S A SORE SUBJECT DON’T BE MEAN!!!

SOUNDWAVE NO!!! NO FIGHTING

I KNEW IT I knew he was improperly removed!!!

THEY FRICKIN SLAPPED HIM ON THE CHEST TO FIX HIM LIKE HE”S AN OLD TV IM CACKLING

OH SHOOT they already tried doing something similar to Hound oof

SOUNDWAVE AT LEAST SHARE WHAT THE PLAN IS

OH SHOOT SOUNDWAVE GETS THINGS DONE

I can’t believe they came up with names / jobs for these things

Aw Roddy I’m sorry Soundwave’s overshadowing your leadership role :(

“Maybe they’re trading beauty secrets” DEADEND PLEASE

I hope Soundwave didn’t tell her to kill him

OH NO HE DID, CLOBBER NO

Clobber: *crying while trying to kill him* This hurts me more than it hurts you! Hot Rod: No, this hurts me more GUYS PLEASE

I briefly forgot DeadEnd was a Decepticon and was like “Wow you’re not worrying about Roddy getting his head beat in?? Really??”

Gosh Soundwave looks so cool

“The evil back-stabbing music box” omg

Hot Rod: That’s not how Autobots do things Dead End: Yeah but like, we aren’t. So can we kill him

SOUNDWAVE’S INTERROGATION STUFF IS SO COOL I mean it’s mean but that’s an interesting method

AHH HE SAID THE INFERIOR SUPERIOR THING

Who IS the scientist

Uh. ok what is that brain thing. I WAS ASSUMING THE SCIENTIST WAS A BOT BUT GUESS NOT

Episode 11

Gosh the backgrounds in this show are such a delight for the eyes

*GENTLE GASP* BABIES!!!!!!!! ARE ANY OF THEM SOUNDWAVE’S BABIES???

AW OMG SOUNDWAVE IS THERE HE’S CATCHING A CASSETTE OMG OMG.....OH MY GOSH....THERE ARE REAL TEARS IN MY EYES

But at the same time SOUNDWAVE YOU CANT JUST FRICKIN NAB A BIRD OUT OF THE AIR AND CALL IT YOURS

Oh well I guess he can lmao alrighty then

OH NO....BOTS ARE DYING....GUYS YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG TO DO THIS

how on EARTH did that work

OHOHO just Hot Rod and Soundwave I hope they learn to trust each other a bit

I’m VERY worried they’re gonna kill off Laserbeak in this episode

ALRIGHT. WELL. THAT SCIENTIST ISNT FREAKY AT ALL.

OK SUPER FREAKY HE’S WAY TOO INTERESTED IN SOUNDWAVE FOR ME TO NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS HE SOUNDS LIKE A CREEPY COLLECTOR

‘‘A blue one...I don’t have a blue one yet’‘ UH OH UH OH!!!! OH PLEASE DONT HURT SOUNDWAVE CYBERVERSE WRITERS PLEASE!!!

DOES SOUNDWAVE KNOW THIS DUDE??? HOW ELSE DID SOUNDWAVE KNOW WHAT WOULD OPEN THE DOOR???

The fact that we can now SEE Laserbeak in his chest makes me worry we’re gonna lose her this episode 8(((

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE THESE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF SOUNDWAVE FROM DIFFERENT UNIVERSES??? ARE THESE JUST DIFFERENT BOTS THAT SHARE SOUNDWAVE’S ALT MODE???? IM SO DEEPLY WORRIED

“Why would he collect Soundwaves and not Hot Rods?” RODDY PLEASE THIS IS NOT THE TIME!!!!! That’s a very Hot Rod thing to focus on though lmao

I feel like the Cyberverse writers went “Hm, what would make Ana feel most anxious about her favorite character?” and then proceeded to write this episode exactly about that

Like, on the one hand: Good taste weird tentacle alien dude, on the other, GET YOUR MITTS OFF HIM

“When a judge finds a universe guilty, I like to keep a little...souvenir for myself” WOW THAT’S HALF WHAT I GUESSED BUT HE SAID THAT INFINITELY CREEPIER THAN I THOUGHT HE WOULD

HOT ROD PLEASE SAVE HIM FROM THE WEIRD TENTACLE MAN

I love how this team has exactly one braincell and none of the people currently on the other side of the door are in possession of it

“I keep telling myself I don’t have room for any more, but you would go so nicely right here” me @ me when I’m buying figurines tbh

That’s genuinely so upsetting, like if I were in Soundwave’s place I’d be pissed as HELL

OH BOY ARE WE GONNA HAVE A TOYSTORY 2 SCENARIO wrt THE “You’re damaged!” THING

“I’LL SHOW YOU DAMAGED” LMAO Roddy: *starts listing off all his traumas* Tentacle Dr.: Um,,

LET GO OF MY BOY!!!!

“A parade is the best you can come up with?” ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS RODDY

HELL YEAH GET HIM SOUNDWAVE and thank goodness he got fixed. Hopefully the guy didn’t do anything weird to him

I KNEW THAT WAS TOO EASY WHY IS THIS DUDE SO FREAKY

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT”S FEEDING TIME

EW WHAT’S IN THERE

IM GONNA LEGITIMATELY CRY IF THEY KILL LASERBEAK PLEASE DONT KILL HIS BIRD

Why do the words “Laserbeak! Eject!” get me so emotional WHY AM I SO HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THIS CASSETTE TAPE AND BOOM BOX

DONT SHOOT LASERBEAK PLEASE

Ironic for Whirl to be the one to say “hold your fire”

Wow way to abandon Hot Rod and Soundwave

uH OH UH OH UH OH

Off-topic but tentacle dude’s voice sounds SO familiar I just can’t place it it’s a really good fit

OH SHOOT THEY”RE DRAINING THE ALL SPARK TOO

DO IT PERCY SAVE EVERYONE!!!!

Perceptor you are ADORABLE

PERCY YOU GOTTA SAY AUTOBOTS ROLL OUT

THERE WE GO OPTIMUS

Oh boy let’s see how Megatron reacts to Clobber interrupting him

Percy should just summon a hologram of Optimus, that would do it

YEAHHH THEY FREED EVERYONE!!!

DO IT GUYS!!! HEAT AND SOUND!!!!

CHROMIA!!! :D

FIST BUMP!!!!!

AND LASERBEAK IS OK!!!!

Uh oh spaghettio that doesn’t seem good

OH WOW YOU’RE REALLY GONNA END THE EPISODE THERE??? HECK I FORGET HOW SHORT THESE ARE

Not to sound predictable but I think that was the most interesting episodes of the season so far

Episode 12

Aw man the judge is still alive heck

MY BOYS!!! MY BOYS IN ONE ROOM TALKING TOGETHER AND NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER!!!

Optimus: We will work together to stop this Megatron: *half-hearted grumble of assent*

Bee please don’t reignite the war by bumping into people

LMAO WHY’S IT SOUND LIKE OPTIMUS JUST ASKED MEGATRON TO MARRY HIM

I love this they’re both like “frick this is so uncomfortable”

MEGATRON COME ON

HELL YEAH YOU TELL EM SOUNDWAVE nice teamwork!!!

KUP!!!! AND STRIKA!!!

LMAO THEY SHOVED THEM IN THE TRAINING SIM guys pls. I mean good effort but

Man can I just say it’s so nice seeing these two (especially Soundwave, the world’s most under-valued Decepticon ever) become respected leaders while getting time in the spotlight? I LOVE that!!!!

I should redraw this screenshot sometime

Bee and Arcee and Shadow Striker and Lockdown!! Such a good combo

OH MY GOSH HE SERIOUSLY DID A TOUCH REFERENCE

AHHHHHH SOUNDWAVE BACKED HIM UP WITH MUSIC, I KNEW THEY’D GET ALONG!!!! SALING YOU WERE SO RIGHT AHHHHH

I’D DIE FOR YOU TWO!!!!!!!!!!

TEAM SOUNDWAVE AND HOT ROD: THE ULTIMATE CAPTAINS!!!!

SKYWARP!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Life-or-death video games really do build friendships

WINDBLADE!!! :D

Aw man are you guys still really gonna wake up this Titan

Windblade: Did you guys ask Maccadam about this first Hot Rod: Oh absolutely he definitely said yes don’t worry about it Windblade: You sure? This dude seems like. Super evil Hot Rod: Nah it’ll be fine don’t even worry about it

THANK YOU RODDY for being the voice of reason for once

Maccadam: Now isn’t the time for this Titan, we need to save that for the season finale

Can’t believe they’re really dragging a bomb through the city

Ok so like. Where is Megatron during all of this. Are you seriously gonna sulk and miss this whole battle Megatron

Arcee with her machine gun is SO cute

Someone please shoot this shark dude and shut him up

AW THEY BROKE ARCEE’S MACHINE GUN :(

GET ‘IM WINDBLADE!!!

HEY MEGATRON OPTIMUS COULD REALLY USE A HAND HERE COME ON

WHOOPS so much for the bomb

OH AND EVERYONE ELSE I GUESS?? FORGOT THAT THE BOMB WOULD PROBABLY HIT THEM

WINDBLADE PLEASE BE CAREFUL

BEE FALLING AND RODDY IMMEDIATELY DROPPING DOWN TO SHIELD HIM, OH MAN THAT GOT ME HURTING SOMETHING FIERCE

HERE COMES IACONUS AND WINDBLADE

Man I hope we get to see Windblade and Starscream duke it out with Titans

THANK YOU FOR SAVING HER MACCADAM I WAS SO WORRIED

“I’ve lost too many cityspeakers this way” OH WOW THAT CONFESSION ACTUALLY LEGIT HURT....Mac how many times have city speakers tried controlling Iaconus? How many people have you seen die apart from the citizens of Iacon?

AW MAN BUMMER PLACE TO END IT ok let’s do a few more episodes after a quick break (I’m still SCREAMING over that Soundwave episode)

[salixj]

“Please explain, I don’t understand how you are all so happy and singing and dancing when you are here and not at your home.  Please can you tell me why?”

It was 18:05, minutes after Shabbat had gone out in Athens, in the Sofitel Hotel in Athens International Airport. The conversation was between me and Sophia, a puzzled but very courteous front desk manager at the hotel. The reason had been havdallah, the culmination of the singing throughout Shabbat tefillot and meals.

I will get to my answer to her…Yet I first want to backtrack.

So much has been written about the LY 002 Shabbat Athens landing, that I was on. Articles have been published, many of them scathing, attacking someone or some entity. Many written out of justified anger, like mine that I wrote on my phone in the airport after Shabbat, when reading what had been posted against us.

I want to tell a different side of this, now that I am – finally – home, having arrived at 3:15 a.m. I am calmer, and able to see the entire incident, understand the passions on all sides, and reflect, and reach a slightly different conclusion.

Firstly, I feel very bad for the crew of stewards and stewardesses, who were just trying to do their job, and had been brought late to the plane waiting in traffic for hours through no fault of their own, but due to a poor decision by their managers not to leave early due to the weather.  They were bearing the brunt of the shouts of anger from all sides — religious and irreligious — over a decision that hadn’t been theirs. I told them this as I got off the plane, as I saw their pain and frustration and knew they were not in the wrong and had had a really bad day — I hope I managed to comfort them somehow. Maybe they should have reacted better, but then again none of us is perfect.

I feel bad for the irreligious people, who had to wait a further three hours to get a plane home, and who missed out on the special Shabbat experience that I will never forget.

I feel bad that so many accusations continue to fly as I type this. I still feel El Al was in the wrong, but the airline, too, can make mistakes.

However, the aspect I keep coming back to, aside from the accusations of violence that I really, really hope were not true — if there is one thing we must learn it is that dialogue is the only way to resolve our disputes — is the above conversation.

To recap the situation: some 40 minutes before Shabbat was to come in, a swarm of about 180 religious Jews (maybe a quarter of whom would be classified as “Haredi”), most of us talking on the phone or texting with our families in Israel or the USA, descended on the Athens hotel.  Clutching our hand luggage, and for many of us a portion of the meal we had been served earlier, saved in case we had no food for Shabbat (I saved my omelet and roll; they were never eaten), and stealing glances at our watches as Shabbat crept ever closer, we were led into the lobby. The hotel and El Al representatives calmed us down by explaining that meals were taken care of, and that we should pair up in s twos or threes for rooms, and that we had nothing to worry about. There was not enough room for all of us, so approximately 30 people were taken to another hotel.

We found partners (mine were nice, though both snored), formed lines, received our keycards, and exchanged ideas on how to avoid using them on Shabbat (electronics are a problem for those who observe Shabbat).  I am a seasoned traveler, who has guided on numerous occasions for Ramah Israel in Poland, Prague, and Morocco, as well as having been in many a US hotel room for Shabbat, and shared my personal favorites: tape over or put toilet paper in the tab that the latch of the door fits into, or put a towel over the door, and make sure your valuables are in the safe.

Not that many of us had much to put there: I am sure you have heard the oft-used expression, especially before Shabbat, “I have literally nothing to wear”? This time, it was true – all I had were the clothes on my back, some food, and my tallit and tefillin – all the rest of my emergency clothes that I always take with me in case of such a situation had been checked in when the nice operator at the El Al counter in JFK offered to check my rolling hand luggage for free. Kicking myself for doing that, I sprinted back to the airport and found a store selling white Athens souvenir t-shirts, and socks with for some unknown reason, San Francisco emblazoned on them. Once the t-shirt was turned inside out, I had my Shabbat shirt.

Thus bedecked in splendor, I went to Kabbalat Shabbat, missing my family, and with some trepidation over the upcoming Shabbat.

Most of my new comrades were similarly dressed. The lifelike statue at the top of the stairs, that seemed to be a distortion of Michelangelo’s David (made from fake granite, facing the other way and with hand outstretched, but still totally nude), that many were avoiding looking at, seemed to reinforce my fears that this was going to be a strange Shabbat.

Yet, it was strange, but in a wonderful, marvelous, unifying spiritual manner.  One of my new friends, Ben Chafetz, wrote a beautiful piece describing Shabbat that I encourage you to read. It was truly remarkable what Chabad in Athens had done at the last minute, in terms of warm hospitality, abundance of food, a Sefer Torah, and other logistical preparations – many of us gave a donation after Shabbat for a mikveh that doesn’t exist there by way of thanking them.  Equally remarkable was the hotel staff and management, who went out of their way to help us.  Despite my criticism of El Al in my first piece on this that I stand by, they did their best to provide for us once the decisions had been made and the mistakes by others left in the past, and that is worthy of praise as well.

Everyone there had their own sob story of what they were missing in Israel – I hadn’t seen my wife and kids in two weeks, but there were worse stories: a few bar mitzvahs that people were missing, an aufruf, the family gathering at a yahrtzeit, and sadly, one woman who told me that the body of her mother had been in the belly of flight LY002, on its way to burial in Israel, and she had no idea what had happened with it over Shabbat. Perspective can be a wonderful thing.

Yet: we all breathed deeply and let Shabbat work its magic. The most remarkable thing was the atmosphere, that 150 Jews from all walks of life, wearing the strangest Shabbat outfits and bringing a vast plethora of Shabbat traditions to the shul and table, created, without a decision-making process on behalf of anyone.

The Kiddush Hashem was awesome — singing in the different accents, dancing with strangers, divrei torah and shiurim — the atmosphere we created together was one of Simchat Shabbat. The heat-warming breaking down of any barriers due to the circumstances was invigorating, caused many unexpected friendships, and broke stereotypes for us all that hopefully will not be rebuilt. Seeing all these Jews who would probably never have said anything to each other simply because of what the other was wearing, in conversations around tables or in the lobby, was inspiring.  How beautifully ironic that none of this atmosphere was captured to show, because all those creating it were religious and could not use cameras or phones.

There is a saying: You don’t control the situations you are in, but you do control how you react to them” – and that was demonstrated perfectly.  None of us chose to be there, yet we made the best of the situation, and kept a Shabbat that none of us will ever forget.

In the afternoon I went for a walk — sadly the airport is too far from the real sites, so that will have to wait for the next time I am there — ending up on the top floor of the airport where there is a small, free museum that I highly recommend if you are ever there — a collection of what had been found while building the airport. Similar to Israel, Greece has a vast amount of archaeology and immense finds in every nook and cranny, and it was very special looking at coins and pottery made in the second century BCE — as in, exactly the Chanukah time period. I even found myself getting emotional when I realized that here was an Israeli, a tour guide who teaches about Jewish values — then and now, stuck in Greece because he insisted on keeping Shabbat, looking at coins minted during the time that the Ancient Greeks tried to crush Ancient Israel for the “crime” of doing exactly that, and in a few days will be celebrating that holiday back in Israel.

One of the divrei Torah that was given in the shul was a thought I have given many times myself to students. Briefly, the parshat hashavua (Torah portion) we read — Vayetzei — has in it the verse where our Matriarch Leah named her fourth son Judah, meaning “I will thank G-d”; the root “odeh” being the same as “todah,” meaning thanks. If you follow that thought, our name, Jews, means thank you. That, too was a key element of Shabbat — thanking everyone who had made it.

So: after Havdallah, I made it my business to thank every one of the hotel workers that I saw, as did many of us.  As I was doing that, Sophia, the desk manager, asked me in her broken English, what I wrote above:

“Please explain, I don’t understand how you are all so happy and singing and dancing when you are here and not at your home. Please can you tell me why?”

The conversation is too long to write in full, but I explained to her what Shabbat was, and told her a bit about the rituals and theology, answered her follow up questions, quoted to her Asher Ginsburg’s famous saying, “More than the Jewish people have kept the Shabbat, the Shabbat has kept the Jewish people,” and she was nodding politely, but clearly not getting it.

So I added one more thought, that I think she liked, and it is a thought that I am taking with me as this saga continues to swirl:  Shabbat is, amongst other values, about Kehilla, community, togetherness, about taking time to be with one’s family and friends, and about creating and strengthening community. (As was put to me by my new friend Mitch – who lives 5 minutes from me, but whom I had to come to Athens to meet — Shabbat is the time for shmoozing, so let’s schmooze!)

This week, I told Sophia, you saw a new Jewish community create itself under conditions that were beyond its control to alter, but were within its control to use and benefit from. The singing and dancing came from that yearning to strengthen our bonds to our belief and our community, in the same way that Shabbat has done for so many centuries in other conditions.  I have made many friends that I hope I will stay in touch with, and hopefully allowed one desk manager named Sophia to get an inkling into Shabbat in Judaism.

One final thought. Community, like family, is close enough that arguments and disagreements are inevitable from time to time — that is the nature of the beast. Our task, like in the conversation over our flight, is to combat that inclination to let our arguing overtake us and the poison continue to flow, and to end the arguing by listening to the other and understanding them.

I, for one, am done with blame. We were in Athens for a reason, I will always remember that Shabbat, and life is now continuing.

[anxiousauthor89]

Head First

Angry, confused, and bitter Trinity grew hate for the man that left her with this seed. She tried to get rid of it 4 months ago, thinking life would be back to normal. She would work out a lil bit, lose the weight and go slap Shawn back to his senses. But it didn't happen that way. In fact, she had met a new man. Long dreds, shining gold teeth, tattoos everywhere, and gave her more dope then she can handle. When they first met she got fucked up at a party. Trying to forget about Shawn. Trying to self abort the baby. The internet said drinking and partying can terminate pregnancy. But this baby was worse than the roach that wouldn't die. So when she met Junior, at the party and realized he was actually an enemy of Shawns, she decided to spill the beans on how grimey he is. See, back in the day Shawn fucked Juniors ol lady. She had twins. And he never got over it. He was always down to hurt Shawn in some sort of way if he could. But Shawn was not to be played with. You really got to catch him sleeping. And he never sleeps. Knowing how careful she had to be to get Shawn back, she told Junior he got her friend pregnant, and she wants to fight her to make Shawn mad. "Nah man." Junior said. "That's dumb. One thing he care about is his kids. Give her this sack." he said as he threw it at her. "If she still pregnant and he know about it that mean he gon let her have it. But give her this sack and I bet she wont birth shit. Dat nigga gon boo hoo cry booyyy I cant wait to see his ass hurtin ol puss ass." he grinned. She had never done drugs. But this could end it all. And get revenge on Shawn. "This shit aint gon have me, I just need to get this situated and im off this shit." she told herself as she smoked the dope in her car. The high hit her so hard she passed out and woke up to Junior knocking on her window. "AYE! TAKE YO DRUNK ASS HOME MAN ITS 6AM!" Lowkey ashamed she got it together and rolled the window down. "My bad man. Aye I think I lost that sack gimme one more man my bad that Ciroc is on me." Junior knew the look that high gave people. He had gained a customer. He smirked and said "Mhm here. I'll fuck witcha." He walked away rapping to himself, knowing she would be back. And just like clock work, she was. Every other day. She couldn't help herself. It felt like the perfect escape. Before she knew it the end of the year was approaching. By this time shes almost 9 months along, and made a fool of herself every time she attempted to talk to Shawn. The holidays were approaching, so she decided to spend some time with the only people who would love her, even when she didn't love herself.  "You know I be missing you why you only come when its food?" her daddy pinched her cheek. She laughed and kissed his bald head. He adored her. A preacher that could make hell shake but would cry when they got whoopins. He had a heart of pure gold. "Make sure you wash your hands and change your shirt before you help with this food. Why you got on them big ol clothes anyway I thought you were out of that tomboy stage...?" her mother teased. She had always been a chubby girl that could rock boy clothes and still be cute. Trying not to do anything that signaled her dishonesty she replied "mama you know I like TLC this how Lisa Left Eye dresses." laughing and doing a twist of her hips. "Mhm. Ya look more like Lisa Left & Lost It but okay. Yall think im dumb." she mumbled. That was it. Mama knew. And she knew mama knew. But aint no way she was gon admit it. Not around the other family members anyway. She and her sister Melodie were close and they always had been. She began to worry about how she would react knowing there is a whole baby being hidden. They told each other everything. But this one Trinity had to deal with on her own. She was determined not to say a word. She hadn't even gone to the doctor the entire pregnancy. She had a plan. All she had to do is wait it out. The time was near. She felt it in the pressure her lower belly was experiencing. The sharp pains in her back. It was close. And she was ready. She tried to quickly walk away so mama wouldn't see the shame on her face, but Uncle Leroy caught it. "She pregnant! And out of wedlock at that! Told yall she should have came to that shut in service we woulda been praying that lust demon right on out of her!" he blurted out. Overwhelmed with rage and embarrassment from his statement putting her on blast she shouted back "SHUT UP! THIS WHY I DONT COME WHEN YALL ARE HERE! MIND YO BUSINESS! AINT YOU ON WIFE NUMBER 3? YOU ALWAYS BEING JUDGEMENTAL AND RUNNING YO MOUTH! I CANT STA.." "HUSH GIRL!" Mama interrupted. She knew how Trinity felt about some of the family. And she understood. But disrespect she could not condone. "Go sit on my bed baby. Rest ya nerve, hea?" she softly spoke before she kissed her forehead. Already too embarrassed she picked up her purse and walked out. "Where you going? Its Thanksgiving you not gon stay?" her mom yelled from the screen door with her hands on her hips. "No mama im sorry. Happy Thanksgiving. Tell Melodie I love her." she said trying not to cry. Putting the car in reverse she thought about her plan one more time, reminding herself that she has every reason to follow through. She drove 4 hours back to the apartment she shared with a friend and laid down. She felt so uncomfortable. But tried to fall asleep anyway. Thinking she had to pee, she jumped up heading to the bathroom. "EEEW What the fuck why cant I hold my pee?!!" The liquid was running out of her faster than her feet could run to the toilet. Finally she got in the bathroom, slipping on the wet spots she was making with her trail. She sat on the toilet breathing hard, dizzy, and feeling like she had to take the biggest shit. "I aint had cheese in months I know im not constipated, this shit hurts what the fuck?" Within her next breath a contraction hit, and she became aware of what was happening. Eyes growing big and knees starting to shake, she wiped as much of the liquid as she could. She ran to her closet and pulled out her dirty clothes bin. Behind it was her bag, packed with an extra change of clothes for her after she delivered. She put the bag in the passenger seat and drove to the hospital. She sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, trying to get her mind right before going in. "Lets go Trinity. You got the plan figured out." She thought to herself. Taking one more deep breath as the contraction passed, she got out and walked into the emergency department. A blue eyed blonde haired lady grabbed her hand and said " I know that look you're in labor. Come on I just cleaned out this room. We need to take vitals and get you hooked up on a monitor. How ya feeling?" Starting to wobble from all the pain Trinity mumbled "Im fine." In reality she was far from fine. It felt like the baby was right on the verge of coming out. "Ms. I have a question." She stammered. "When I have this baby how long will it take to get parents to pick it up? You can give me the papers now & by the time it comes out a mama and daddy should be here right?" she almost smilied thinking this was the perfect solution. That was her plan. Just give it to somebody. Its always commercials about people wanting kids. It was a no brainer. Laughter snapped her out of her happy place she had briefly found. "No honey. Bless your heart. That takes time. You should have began that process when you found out about the baby." she continued laughing. "Unless theres a case of accidental death, looks like you're stuck with this one! My assistant will check on you soon, then we will see about managing your pain with an epidural. Sit tight." she closed the door. Hearing those words took Trinity from panic to desperation. Now she had no idea what to do. She played it cool until the nurse walked out. "Ok think bitch THINK!" she said out loud as she leaned back on the bed. "This slow hoe saying accidental death what the hell lady?! Be for real! That's not an option." she smacked her teeth. A pain hit her belly and she put her hand down on her butt. "What the...am I shitting on myself?! OUUUCCHHHH! OH MY GOD AAAH!" She laid back and reached further down and realized....that's hair...The baby was there. And it was coming out. "Oooooh ssshhhiiiit. Ooooooh shhiittt! Shit! Ssshhiiiit!  Ok. Chill Trin." She laid quiet, thinking of a new plan. "Knock, Knoooock" A nurse came in. " Just making sure you doing ok. We cant have you pushing out the baby alone we want both of you to make it okay sweetie? I will be back soon." The smiling nurse walked back out. "We want both of you to make it." Those words were ringing in Trinity's head like monkeys with symbols. "I got it." she said. She put her phone in her purse and put her bible in the bottom of it. She couldn't look at it knowing what she was about to do. She looked around the room once more, and laid down. Spreading her legs open she held on to each side of the bed, shut her eyes tight and began to push. She heard what sounded like water balloons hitting the floor. Growing fearful that her time was ticking and the nurses would catch her, she bit down on the sheet and let out a scream while pushing her absolute hardest. Feeling like her heart would explode, and her whole body shaking, finally she felt the release. The baby was out. And falling to the floor. Head First.  

[rainkilled-a]

Discord thread 001-- The First Time

Under the cut is a very smutty thread but it’s also cute and kinda fluffy , so there’s that too. 

@waldenborn

Rainkilled

The first days on the ground had been a rush of emotions for Peter. He was free and so was Bree. They all were. And earth was beautiful. But then the Jordan boy has been speared, and the acid fog had killed Atom, and he had begun to realize that not everything was as beautiful as it seemed. The forest was though. The trees, the smell, the air. He had his back pressed to the metal of the dropship when he finally heard a noise interrupting his thoughts. "Hey Morris." He said, tone even. "Bellamy send you to cut my wrist off?"

waldenborn

Ever since arriving on the ground, Helo felt like it was his time to start over, but instead of being the weakest link, he was going to be selfish. He was going to care about himself more than anyone. So when Bellamy picked up the pace, and started to lead the people, Helo knew that he was going to be friends with the man. So it wasn't wrong of Peter to associate Helo to Bellamy; he practically been one of the few dicks who been edging others to take off their wristbands. Stepping into view, gold hues looked towards the other with his well known smirk stretched across his boyish features. "No, just wanted to have a chat." Despite innocent words, Helo's body posture pulled a different message: he had something up his sleeve. "Just wanted to see if you had a problem with me." Take the bait, Peter.

Rainkilled

Peter raised an eyebrow and rolled his head to the side to face the area that Helo had appeared in. "Should I have an issue with you?" He was a little confused by the question. He wasn't really the type of person who had an issue with anyone. There was something about the way he holding himself that struck peter. There was an ulterior motive, and the smaller boy had no idea if it was a friendly one or not. "I don't have an issue with you. I have an issue with the general attitude around camp but-" he shrugged. "Not poorly effecting me or Bree yet so I'll pick my battles."

waldenborn

He nodded, as if he was intently listening to each and every word. Each and every syllable. His hands reached around to his back, holding each other as if he was taking a position of a soldier - something he often absentmindedly do. "So, you watching me as I walk around camp is just in my head?" he asked, pivoting a boot forward and feeling the grass crease beneath his step. "Or maybe you were checking me out." Helo wanted to hear it, fuel his ego, but also play a game. Peter was easy on the eyes, for sure, and a great distraction to the world going to shit around them.

Rainkilled

Peter laughed, a smile taking over his face. "That what you followed me out here for?" He absently toyed with his wristband and shook his head. "To call me out on watching you? I mean damn, Morris, you're not even gonna play the game for a little bit? He turned a little more fully so that only his shoulder pressed to the dropship. "I was definitely checking you out. But so is half the camp, what's your point?"

waldenborn

"Half the camp? Well, don't I feel special," he quipped, his own smile broadening within his words. Subconsciously, his tongue swiped out to wet his bottom lip briefly. Taking a step forward, he looked down at the wristband that was coiled firmly around Peter's wrist. He had to get it off. Taking another step, lessen the space, Helo asked him, "So, y' like what you see?"

Rainkilled

"Don't get a big head. Arrogance is unbecoming." He laughed and shook his head. "What is this, Morris?" He was looking at him suspiciously. He wanted to go along with it. More than anything he wanted to let the heat in his stomach rule over the way his brain was screaming at him to walk away. "Flirt your way into my pants so you can fuck me into submission?" He rolled his eyes, but his posture had become more rigid. As if he visibly had to stop himself from stepping in closer or shifting his body in a way that would show just how much he want this. "If you want to band that bad you can have it."

waldenborn

Helo  knew he was getting under his skin, and it only fueled the fire all the more. And his steady gait dared not falter from carrying him towards where Peter stood by the Dropship. He wasn't terribly close to cause any discomfort, or to drive him insane yet, but still closer than they originally had been. "The wristband? You'd give it to me? Just like that?" Despite Peter calling him out, Helo kept the coy hum in his voice. Honestly, Helo wouldn't mind at all to see what he was like beneath the sheets - to hear his whimpering moans fall from his lips, feel his legs shake, and just really fuck him. "There's gotta be a catch."

Rainkilled

"You think I really care about the wrist band?" Peter gave him a disbelieving look. "I don't. It's not about the wristbands. It's about how you guys are treating people." He looked at Helo with amusement in his eyes. "The real question is- if I give it to you now, are you still going to be standing there, looking at me like that?" He shrugged. "I don't care enough about the bracelet to let myself be taken advantage of for it. But if it's actual interest then I'm listening."

waldenborn

"I guess there's only one way to find out, is there?" Helo asked, extending a hand out to the dropship behind peter so that his palm could splay out on the cool metal. A brow arched in challenge, and his opposing hand extended a makeshift knife created from the rubble of the dropship. It was one of the way to pry open the wristband. It hurt like hell, but it worked. "Take it off."

Rainkilled

Peter considered for a moment. He had been keeping it on based on principle alone. He hated how they were treating people, and he kept it as if a symbol that he wouldn't be bullied into submission, despite how soft he was as a person. But the glint in Helo's eye was too much, and it had raised his interest to high. His jaw was set unhappily. He hated not being sure of his decisions. But he really was curious as to where this was going. Without another word, he put his hand against the metal. "Get it over with then." He smirked a little. "And what exactly are you planning to tell your buddies about how you managed to convince me?"

waldenborn

A satisfied chuckle rumbled from the confines of his throat, holding Peter's wrist that was accessorized with the heavy metal. He wedged the tip of the knife between the line that looked as though the wristband connected together at, and started to pry, wiggle, and shove the knife though - being sure to not cut Peter by the end process. When the metal popped free, and the whirling of the mechanics inside faded out, Helo tossed the hunk of metal over his shoulder. "Thought maybe I'd tell 'em I sucked you off," Helo quipped, though the space between them did not increase - Helo still stood where he was. "But I hate being a liar."

Rainkilled

"Then don't be a liar." Peter heard his own voice and damn near cursed himself out loud. He sounded ridiculous. He sounded like he was making attempts at flirting, not like he was actually any good at it. It was painfully embarrassing to hear the crack in his tone, which was easily an octave higher than normal. Damn did he hope in that moment that Helo was being serious because if it was a game, Peter was losing He looked down and rubbed his wrist lightly. It hurt more than he wanted to admit, but mostly, he needed something else to look at or focus on. Something other than Helo's face, which was making his own turn redder by the second.

waldenborn

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that, would we?" Helo muttered, voice hoarse as if to whisper so just their ears picked up on his words. Pearl teeth peeked between pink lips as he reached out and captured the swell of his lower lip, dragging along the tender flesh. Even as Peter ducked his head, Helo's gaze remained fixed on what he could see - he even almost lowered his height so that he could capture Peter's eyes and level a gaze with him. But Helo didn't, he just let Peter feel the way Helo's golden orbs flitted over his frame, drinking in the sight of him. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Peter? Probably thought about it as you watched me walk around camp."

Rainkilled

"Don't screw with my head, Morris." His words were weak, lacking the conviction that he wished they had. "You wanna hear me say I want it, I get it, but you've given me no reason to believe you aren't just toying with me, and I'm not giving into that." His chest was rising heavily, and he finally looked up and locked his eyes, bright blue and full of warmth, onto Helo's. "Do it or don't. If you're into the cat and mouse game, I'll be happy to play it with you when I trust you. But right now, I dont"(edited)

waldenborn

He was right, Helo was playing with him - but with hopeful, arbor intent. Helo thought maybe he could get a good lay, but it was becoming painstakingly clear that Peter just might not be in the mood to play. Though his smile did not falter,  it concealed his peal teeth as he pressed his lips together in a line. He dipped a boot back, taking a step away, and raised his hands in mock surrender in front of him. "Alright, my bad."

Rainkilled

Peter swallowed thickly as he watched Helo step back. "What are you doing?" He asked, his hand moving to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. He felt the sudden space between them much stronger than he expected. "I didnt--" Peter tried to pull himself together.  "I didn't say you had to back up. I may not trust you, but you could change that. The ball is your court. Like I said, Im not interested in being manipulated, but if you're serious, then you have my attention."

waldenborn

His hands lowered to fall by his sides, his gaze still unwavering from the other. It was almost unfair how he looked standing there, the metal of the dropship as the backdrop while complimented with shades of green that helo didn't know existed from trees surrounding them. If Helo was honestly, Peter looked delicious. At the thought, Helo's tongue subconsciously peeked out to wet his lips as he took a warning step back closer. As if to allow Peter to change his mind if he wanted. "What if I'm not exactly in the business of anything serious?"

Rainkilled

Peter scoffed slightly. "What, you mean you dont wanna snuggle and skip off into the sunset with me?" He raised his eyebrows, giving him a challenging look. "You underestimate me." He shifted, bringing one knee up a little so his foot rested on the dropship.  "We might die tomorrow. I dont think anyone around here is interested in much more than a good lay." He bit his lip. It was only partly true. He still did want love and passion and everything that came with it. But he also wanted Helo, and the two didnt necessarily go hand in hand.

waldenborn

If Helo wasn't wrong, it sounded like Peter was fine with the terms and conditions of Helo's lifestyle. Nothing serious. Nothing public - nothing that he had once done before with Persephone. He fell back into space where he was once before, practically nose to nose with the other. "Can you blame us?" Helo intoned, the corner of his lips pulling higher than the other, a glimmer of his teeth peeking from one half of his slightly parted lips. "We just want to make sure we go out with a bang."

Rainkilled

"Nope." He smirked. "A literal bang." He took a deep breath, and at this point they were sharing the same air, breathing each other in. "So?" He raised an eyebrow at Helo, wondering what was happening here. "Are we doing this?" He leaned in a little, a shaky breath coming out. "Because it looks like it's just us out here, and you got the stupid wristband, so what are we waiting for?"(edited)March 6, 2018

waldenborn

"Maybe I'm just trying to figure you out first," Helo mused, his simper broadening, and closing the remaining space that shared between them so that their chests were practically melding together. Like he was pinning Peter against the dropship, hips pressed against hips. "Maybe I could stretch the truth. Instead of sucking you off, I just go for home run." His hand trailed down along Peter's chest with an indolent pace, stopping just above Peter's pants.

Rainkilled

"I always thought I was pretty transparent, all things considered." He laughed, but then was cut off by the words that came off his lips. His body was reacting to Helo before his mouth had a chance to form words. "You talk a big game." he said, but already his voice was weak. "If you wanna fuck me, then youre gonna have to ask nicely." He tried to sound even slightly confident. But his body leaning against Helo's was making it impossible to focus. He shivered underneath him, biting his lip.

waldenborn

"Mmm?" Helo hummed, leaning in to press an open mouth kiss against a column of Peter's neck. He slanted his lips over Peter's jugular, lapping at it briefly before moving his head away to look back at Peter. "Please?" he whispered, though his voice was lack of begging  -  more so waiting for the go ahead. His hand that rested just above Peter's pants leisurely moved down to tug at the button that was begging to be popped free.

Rainkilled

Peter knew he was done for the minute Helo's lips touched his skin. A small, soft noise came from him, and he couldn't help the way that one hand flew to the back of Helo's head, lacing into dark hair. "Okay." He smiled a little, his free hand resting on the other boy's hip. "Yeah. Fuck me." Part of him still thought this was a game. Like at any minute, Helo would pull back and go laugh with his buddies about how weak Peter had been. But even if it was a game, Helo had won. "And keep doing that, god damn." He let out a short laugh, extending his neck to give Helo the access peter wanted him to have.

waldenborn

Helo felt as Peter gave in, knowing he canted his head slightly for him to press another open mouth kiss against the column of his neck. In reaction, Helo pressed firmly against Peter, being sure to pin him against the Dropship with his own weight. If Peter couldn't feel it before, he sure as hell can feel Helo's hardening member as he pressed against him. His kisses started to trail - but instead of downward, like Helo thought he would (and kiss Peter's collarbone like there was no tomorrow) - his kisses trailed upward, along Peter's sharp jawline. A graze of his teeth against Peter's tanned skin. And then another kiss against the corner of Peter's lips with a devilish simper.

Rainkilled

Peter let out a soft whine as he felt Helo's hardness pushing into him. But it was his lips that were really ruining him. Peter was a sucker for the feeling of lips on his neck. If Helo didn't stop, he'd soon be supporting Peters weight as he went weak in the knees. "Fuck." He breathed out the word as his hand tightened in Helos hair. His hand snuck between there bodies, popping open the button of Helos pants and reaching for his length. "Fuck that feels good."

waldenborn

He chuckled out a moan against Peter's flesh as he felt a hand coil around his length. In reaction, his hips jutted forward, desperate to remain in the palm of Peter's soft hands. A leg slotted in the space between Peter's, as his own palms splayed out on the dropship behind the pair as means to keep himself upright. The more he felt Peter's hand pump his length, the more his legs nearly trembled with anticipation. "Fuck, Colton."

Rainkilled

A breathy laugh came off Peters lips. It surprised him. Helo's soft chuckle and his own returning laugh, it was so casual. As if this was something normal. As if they were comfortable with each other to a degree in which laughter during sex didn't bother them nor make them self conscious. He wasn't sure how such a cavalier attitude had come through the air. But his hand kept moving and his head tilted slightly the other direction, capturing Helo's lips with his own for the first time. For a minute, he wondered if that was okay. But he didn't have time to think about it as his own hardness ached with anticipation.

waldenborn

The connection of their fervor lips caused Helo's spine to stiffen briefly, and his jaw to pull taut. But as he realized the warmth that Peter's lips emitted, and how soft they felt upon the touch, Helo found himself intoxicated. And his own lips slanted over Peter's possessively to beg for more access, daring Peter to part his own lips. In retaliation, Helo crushed his weight against Peter's, though hips still allowing him access down his pants. The leg that was slotted between Peter lifted slightly to create some form of friction against the other.

Rainkilled

Peter let his knees buckle a little, increasing the pressure of Helo's leg between his and causing him to moan lightly into the mans mouth as he opened his and gave him access . The taste of Helo's kiss wasn't one that Peter would soon forget, and before he could process anything, their tongues were battling for dominance, searching each other's mouths. The feeling of being pinned made Peter harder even still, and he bucked his own his softly against Helo's leg. Hand pausing its motions on his length, he pulled sharply on a belt loop, silently requesting that the pants come off.

waldenborn

As soon as Helo was allowed access, he slipped his tongue past Peter's lips and dragged it along the roof of his mouth with a rather upward curl of his own brims. When the motion on his member stopped, Helo had to bite back the groan, dragging his teeth along the swell of Peter's lips as his hips jutted forward yet again. Though they crushed any space that was shared between them   --   instead, they were becoming molded as one. Helo understood Peter, though, and reached down to slip his pants free from hugging his waist. "God, you're so hot."

Rainkilled

His words brought a smile to Peters lips but his breathing was too ragged at this point to form any kind of verbal response, instead, his hand left Helo's member completely, moving to his neck, holding both hands there  and kissing him more excitedly then he had before. Like now if he let go, it would suck the air from his lungs completely. Peter forced himself out of his own pants, not  even bothering with his shirt as he finally broke the kiss, his eyes searching deep into Helo's for a minute. Silently, slowly with a wicked smirk, Peter turned away from him, splaying his one  hand on the dropship, the other pulling Helo behind him so that his back pressed to the boys chest

waldenborn

The growl that rumbled from the confines of Helo's throat was coarse, desperate, hungry when Peter turned so that his back pressed firmly against Helo's front. His member sprang free from his boxers when he tugged them down to his thighs, out of the way. A hand reached up along Peter's neck, fingers disappearing into gold locks, his lips suddenly hungry to taste the sweet spot there. Instead, his opposing hand reached down to his member, guiding it to brush against Peter's entrance, aiming to tease instead of giving the other what he wanted right away. This caused a rather wide grin to blossom on his features.

Rainkilled

"Fuck." Peter whispered as he felt Helo against him. This was real now. It wasn't a joke. It was Helo fucking with him for the sake of the band. They were trapping doing this and Peter wanted it so much more than he had expected or been ready to admit. If he was honest with himself, he'd wanted it for days. The fingers in his hair felt good and his shuddered softly, waiting, anticipation burning in his veins as Helo's cock rubbed against him. "You're an ass." He laughed breathlessly, knowing Helo was teasing for fun

waldenborn

"You like it," Helo whispered in Peter's ear, a smile within his voice. Ever since the drop ship, Peter was always there  --  always within his gaze, looking back at him, reminding each other that they held hands before they even landed. His touch moved his locks and splayed out upon one of Peter's hands that rested on the dropship before both of them. And after leisure push of his hips, he entered Peter, making his grin broadened all the more on his features.

Rainkilled

Peter had to dip his head into his own arm to keep from moaning out. If this was something that happened more than once, he was gonna have to get used to being quiet, as not to attract the attention of 98 other people. "Holy fucking shit." He gasped and his head fell backwards onto Helo's shoulder as he arched a little, pushing backwards against Helo, forcing him in a little deeper and knowing that his eyes were rolling back into his head a little. "Yeah-" he gasped. "I like it." He agreed with a breathy laugh

waldenborn

Helo was standing in the small hill that the impact of the dropship made upon the first landing, making him slightly short than his usual height, and yet perfect for Peter to dip his head back to rest perfectly against his shoulder. His hand moved from between them to mirror the action his opposing hand in covering the back of Peter's hand with his palms, but as Peter lowered himself even deeper onto Helo, his fingers curled into the space between Peter's fingers, gripping him. His lips moved to press against Peter's neck, allowing him to feel his smile before he pressed an open mouth kiss against the column of Peter's jugular.

Rainkilled

There was something about the fact that Helo was smiling that made Peters stomach flutter in a way completely unrelated to the lust that he was feeling. He whimpered under the feeling of lips at his throat, curling his own fingers around Helo's and squeezing a little. He stilled his body, adjusting on Helo for a minute before he began to move again, just rocking back and forth a little. "Hey-" he gasped and turned his head to stretch back to him. "Kiss me." He said, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip.

waldenborn

Helo loved the arch of Peter's back  --  how hot it looked as the other bowed for him. It was that small arch of his back that begged for a cress, a kiss, or for him to drag his teeth across the sensitive skin. He imagined spanning Peter's waist, robust fingers digging into his soft, taut skin before slipping lower and lower before he found the round curvature of Peter's ass, and cup them, kneading, hungry, needy. At Peter's words, Helo fought back the groan that blossomed within his ribcage as he complied, pressing his lips against his own   --   all the while he started to move his hips.

Rainkilled

Groans mixed with whines came off his lips, directly into Helo's mouth. God did it feel good. He wanted to think it was just getting laid that felt good but he knew better. It was Helo. It was an unspoken connection that had been brewing since they sat in that ship. Like they were made for each other. And for the first time in his life, Peter maybe would have believed in soulmates. He rocked back against Helo, matching every thrust, fingers tightening, gripping, knowing neither of them would last very long at this rate.

waldenborn

He swallowed each mew that dripped from Peter's lips, the sound delicious to his ears. It meant that he was doing something right. He even had to fight back the desperate, soundless gasp that formed in his own mouth as he felt Peter rock back against him. Perhaps it was because he hadn't had this kind of physical connection for too long, or it was because it was Peter, but Helo realized just how starved he was for this kind of intimacy. Fingers were pressed tight against each other, their hungry moans muffled by the other's lips, providing the ability to stay quiet as the other delinquents were shuffling around on the other side of the dropship.

Rainkilled

Peter pulled one of his hands of the dropship, taking Helo's too. He was surprised at the way his body swayed. He didn't realize how much he had been relying on the ship for stability. Slowly he moved their hands back down to his aching member , letting both of their fingers wrap around and pump his length together. It caused a shudder to run through his entire body and he light bit Helo's bottom lips as they kissed, desperate for release but so badly wanting this to last so much longer

waldenborn

A tremor took to his spine as felt Peter start to guide his hand, unsure where to at first. His throat? His chest? Hip? No, his throbbing member that nearly jolted beneath his touch, sensitive and aching. He allowed Peter to let his hand start pumping him, his fingers curling around the base and hoping to give Peter the same sweet buildup that was already pooling in Helo's stomach. Suddenly focused on wanting to give Peter the same amount of pleasure, he almost forgot to continue to move his hips, making him draw his lip away from Peter's tiers to press a gentle bite against the muscle between Peter's shoulder and the column of his neck.

Rainkilled

A soft "uh" fell off is lips when he felt the boy's teeth. He liked that a lot. And he was starting to get overwhelmed by how much he liked everything that was happening. He felt Helo slow down a little and took it upon himself to rock back harder, wanting to bring him to the edge, knowing that he himself wouldn't last much longer. "Fuck that's good." He moaned again, maybe a little too loud this time. "You're gonna make me cum soon." He warned softly

waldenborn

"Cum for me," Helo breathed against Peter's golden skin, followed quickly behind with a low, dangerous growl from his throat as he felt Peter rock back against him even harder. A part of Helo wished that he could peel his chest from Peter's back, peer down at the space between them, and watch as Peter moved against him. But the desire to make Peter feel just as good, if not better, clouded that wish. He pressed another open mouth kiss against Peter's skin, before repeating Peter's words, "Kiss me."

Rainkilled

Peters head fell back, obliging, searching for his lips and finding them happily. It was mere seconds later that he was cumming, covering the dropship and Helo's hand. It was a damn good thing his mouth was occupied, because the guttural sound he let out would have been way to loud had it not be silenced by the other mans mouth. As if wanting to give Helo even more he rocked his hips down and forward, then up and back, rolling on him as opposed to just thrusting back and forth:March 26, 2018

waldenborn

There was a sense of pride that swelled a warmth in Helo's chest as he felt Peter cum within his robust palm, attested with the the smile within the kiss the two shared. But the feeling was short-lived and replaced happily with the pleasure jolting up and down his spine when Peter rocked back down on Helo, not yet done. He broke free from Peter's lip,  letting out a rather loud gasp and ducked his head to look down in the space between them. "You're gonna make me cum."

Rainkilled

"That's the goal, baby." Peter said, reaching his head back even further and pressing his lips to Helo's jaw. It was soft and sweet and he wanted to savor that. He didn't know what this was, but when he was laying in his tent tonight, he wanted to look back on it and feel like it meant something. Despite the fact that they agreed it didn't. Part of him wondered if helo only had felt the need to clarify that because of the weird tension the two of them carried. He reached back, letting his hand reach into Helo's dark curls, doing another circle of his hips with a groan. "Cum for me." he repeated back with a soft smirk.

waldenborn

If his hand didn't hold Peter's cum, he would've reached up and tangled his fingers with Peter's yet again within his dark locks, but he didn't. Instead, his opposing hand whose grip was still curled about Peter's hand against the dropship tightened, signaling the inevitable. It was building within his stomach, slowly and gradually feeling like a dam straining to break. He tried to stay quiet, he really did, but the desperate hitch in his breath was audible as Helo reached climax. Fuck, Peter's words still echoed in his head like a mantra and it was beyond hot. Cum for me. Something so tangible within his head, forever to be kept for lonely nights spent alone.

Rainkilled

Peter felt him release, felt him ride out the orgasm, and he slowly slowed down until he'd brought his hips to a stop. He didnt want to release Helo's hand. That seemed to be a pattern that was evolving in his life. But still, he kept his fingers linked in Helo's as  he pulled off of him, slowly turning around so they were chest to chest again. He chuckled softly. "Wipe your hand on my shirt. I'll put my jacket back on over it and no one will question it." His lips pressed to Helo's again. This time he stiffened a little. Like he didnt know if it was okay without the guise of sex to cover it.

waldenborn

Perhaps it was the drums of lust that coursed hot through his veins that made him reciprocate the kiss, or maybe it was something deeper that Helo was far too clouded to realize, but Helo didn't care. He could feel the tension within Peter's lip, and slanted his own lips over Peter's for their brims to find accord with each other yet again. His clean hand reached reached up to ghost along Peter's jaw, fingers curling around the column of his neck, keeping a firm grip on the other.

Rainkilled

Peter smiled into the kiss when he realized it was okay. His whole body seemed to relax and his hand moved up to grip the side of Helo's face in a similar manner. "Can't get enough now, Morris?" he teased softly into the kiss, but then he was moving, his arms wrapping around Helo's shoulders completely, pulling him close and lingering on his lips. And he knew that this kiss had nothing to do with casual sex in the woods, but he wasn't going to ruin the moment

waldenborn

Strongly enough, Helo let Peter pull him down with him and lessen the space between them until their torsos were pressed firmly together, bodies threatening to mold together. He felt robbed of air, which was why he couldn't kiss for too long, pulling away to allow fresh air to hit his lungs like a ton of bricks. "Can you blame me? You're so ...." a heavy, satisfied sigh, "damn hot." There was a noticeable upward curl of his lips, hooded eyes finding Peter's.

Rainkilled

Peter's lips curled upwards into a smile. It was genuine and warm and hopeful. "Put your pants on and go tell your buddies that you got the stupid wristband before someone comes looking for you." He stole another kiss, unable to wipe the smile off his face. "We can pick this up another time." He dropped his arms, patting Helo on the chest softly. "Go. I'll see you--around or later or something."

waldenborn

At the pat against his chest, Helo took it as means to finally take his cue to leave. His hands reached down, fingers hooked around his loops to drag his pants leisurely up to rest snug against his waist. However, as he did this, his simper never faltered from his features, and his gaze never wavered from the other. Ducking down, Helo grabbed both of their shirts from the ground, but followed Peter's earlier instructions and wiping Peter's cum against the fabric of his shirt before tossing it towards him. "Hell yeah you're gonna see me later," Helo teased, his tongue subconsciously swiping along his lower lip as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Rainkilled

A laugh followed. "Sounds like a plan." He said with a grin, taking his own shirt and then reaching for his jacket. He reddened in the face, looking down at his feet as if suddenly embarrased. Maybe because the promise didn't feel simply sexual, and it made his heart flutter. He pulled his clothes on quickly and started to walk away. He was a few paces away when he paused, turning around. "Hey--" He jogged back, placing another dip kiss over Helo's lips. "Okay. Later." He said, turning and actually walking away now

[transformationstuck]

8etta than )(er

Vriska carefully crept through the red halls of Her Imperious Condescension's palace, looking for anything of value to steal. She had gotten it into her head that it'd be an excellent way of gaining fortune and prestige, and that the Empress would never be able to stop or catch her.

As of now, she had found her way into the respiteblock of the fish queen, and was rummaging through her personal effects for anything of value. And boy did she find lots. She'd have a lot of work cut out for her just trying to cram all this gaudy jewellry into her sylladex. Just to lighten that load, she worse some of it, even if it was far too big for her.

The Condesce was surely in for a sight when she made it into her respiteblock, only to find some young cerulean blood wearing lots of her gold.

Alternia's leader was briefly stunned, unable to believe that anyone would have the outright audacity to steal from her. Astonishment quickly turned to rage, however, as she stomped up to the comparatively tiny troll rummaging through all of HER precious belongings.

"an just what the S)(-ELL do you think you doin you little blue blood BITC)("

The entrance caught Vriska by surprise, and she turned to shoot a shocked expression at the Empress. For about eight seconds, she didn't even know what to do, simply kneeling in stunned silence, partly at the fact that she was even still alive. Then, she got what was either the best or the worst idea she had ever had, save for the one to rob the Empress, of course.

"Uh. I'm ro88ing you? What do you THINK I'm doing????????"

Vriska hoped refuge in audacity would save her life today.

It wouldn't.

The Condesce reached down to grab Vriska by the neck, effortlessly plucking her off the ground even with all the heavy jewelery she was wearing.

"i bet you think you funny huh, little mindfang jr here think she pullin a fast one on me"

The Condesce tightened her grip around Vriska's throat, ready and willing to snap her neck and just be done with it. Until...

"you know i got a better idea, somefin i been wantin to try for a while"

With that, HI)( promptly turned around and marched out of her block, Vriska still held in a vicegrip.

Despite being briefly flattered at the allusion to her ancestor, Vriska was far more panicked, struggling against the Empress and her grip, working frantically to free herself.

It was only after the Condesce had decided against killing her, at least on the spot, that Vriska realized she still had something at her disposal.

Coughing and attempting to get enough air to pull off a badass one-liner, she shot a strained grin at the Condesce and put her hands to her temple.

"Actually, I think you'll 8e putting me down now."

Was it beyond cocky to think she could use her mind control to bust down the will of the Empress of all trollkind? Maybe.

Did Vriska care?

Not even in the slightest.

Without breaking her stride, The Condesce glanced in Vriska's direction, her eyes briefly flashing as she easily deflected Vriska's attack, and just to show her who was in charge, shot off a psychic shockwave of her own at Vriska's.

"you aint got S)(IT on me"

Vriska screeched. She hadn't expected the attack to be very successful, but she hadn't expected such a powerful backlash, either. What the fuck had the Condesce even done to herself to be able to do that? Or was she always this powerful? It sure as shit wasn't public knowledge, either way.

"F8CK. Okay, point t8ken. G8ess that's wh8t I get for trying."

Striding through the hallways of her enormous sanctum, HIC finally arrived at what appeared to be her destination. A strange laboratory environment with all kinds of mechanics and fluids sprawled around the area.

The Condesce casually chucked Vriska into the center of the room, before locking the door behind her. Then she walked over to one of the operating tables, looking for something.

Onto the floor Vriska tumbled, as if she were a discarded ragdoll. She was still pretty hard though, and scrambled back up to her feet with little effort. To the door she went, attempting to suss out how to unlock it before the Condesce finished whatever she was doing. Surely it had to be possible, since she locked it from this side. Right?

Unconcerned, by whatever Vriska was attempting to do, HIC finally found what she was looking for. She held up a rather nasty looking syringe, filled with a greyish liquid, and grinned. Time for a little experiment. Turning to face Vriska, she slowly advanced on the troll, cackling.

"ayy blue girl you about to help me learn a lot about science, dont you go nowhere"

Vriska's frantic fiddling with the door only intensified as she heard the Condesce approach, until at last she gave up on the door and decided to do the next best thing.

She decided to run around the room and throw whatever she could get her hands on at the Empress.

Really, there were probably better things to do, including submit, but she was too panicked or too proud to consider them right now.

"oh i know you aint running when i told you not to"

Unflinching, HIC knocked aside everything that Vriska threw at her as she walked forward, drinking in the panic she could feel emanating off of her.

She entertained the chase along through the lab for a bit, enjoying toying with her prey, until she decided she had had enough and quickly seized Vriska's body with her telekinesis, forcing her to slowly float towards the queen.

Vriska thought she'd at least be able to keep up the game for awhile longer. Might've tired out soon, and definitely first, but she expected to be reduced to pulling shit out of her sylladex before she was captured. And when she was, it was via... Telekinesis? Since when could the Empress use telekinesis? This bitch had secrets up the wazoo, apparently. Not that Vriska could blame her, but she still hated it.

At length, she struggled against the psychic hold, to no real avail.

"Ugh, fuck! H8w are you DO8NG this???????? And what 8s that? Some kind of n8w super poison?"

"psh if ida wanted to kill you youd be dead already, naw think i can use you better when you alive"

With Vriska floating just in front of her, HIC held the syringe just up against her neck, to taunt her, to take in as much of her fear as she could.

"i hope you ready for a brand new you"

Though there was fear, Vriska attempted to mask it with a sneer and a glare. Still she struggled to move, struggled to reach out for a nearby mind, struggled to do ANYTHING.

"8rand new me? What the fuck are you 8la88ing a8out?"

"you just wait an see"

With that, she plunged the syringe directly into Vriska's thigh, injecting all of whatever the strange fluid was.

She dropped Vriska to the floor in a heap, her legs shaking from... something.

Down to the floor Vriska went again. She was getting pretty sick of that.

"Stop DROPPING me like that!!!!!!!! Yeesh."

Grumbling, she attempted to pull herself to her feet, hoping she could at least do this with dignity. Simultaneously, she attempted to steady her legs, and watched them carefully for any further developments.

A silence fell over the room as both trolls stared at Vriska's legs. Nothing seemed to be happening, even after a minute of the standoff.

The Condesce sighed. Another failure. Guess she'd just have to kill this little thief after all.

She lifted her hand to grab Vriska by the throat again until she heard a small crackling noise and looked down again. Vriska's comparatively little legs seemed to be... expanding.

"W8, hold on, l8ts talk a8out this!"

Vriska reeled back, too little too late, and held out her hands defensively. Only for her to notice that her legs were... Changing? She looked down at her expanding limbs and blinked.

"........Wh8t."

That was all she could say at the moment as confusion and fear wracked her. Where was this even going?

The Condesce cackled.

"oh we done talkin, now i get to play wit my new toy"

She grabbed one of Vriska's outstretched arms and yanked her up to the air yet again. Suspended in the air, she watched as Vriska's legs continued to grow, not just in height, but also changing shape, becoming tight and curvy and shapely, not unlike HIC's own. The legs were about twice as long as Vriska's torso by this point, having shredded her pants and giving her a bizarre set of proportions.

Vriska didn't really struggle much anymore. Perhaps realizing the futility of it. Or, perhaps, she was far more concerned with how her legs were developing, going from short and lanky to thick, long, shapely legs. Not too dissimilar at all to...

Well, that didn't scan at the moment. She didn't imagine the Empress would do anything like that intentionally. A length, she could only imagine she was being made older.

"Okay, lemme guess. Some kind of growth acceler8ion thing? Real effective at skipping over that childhood 8ullshit. I can sort of understand it. Not really liking it, 8ut fuck, not like you care a8out my opinion, right?"

"why would i wanna older version of you inna first place, you already a knockoff a mindfang an i damn sure dont need another her"

HIC reached another hand to wrap around Vriska's waist and hips, which paradoxically, both seemed to be expanding and shrinking at the same time, growing outward to match her legs, yet tightening up into an hourglass figure. Vriska felt the squeeze both from the change and HIC's hand.

"Sides, im way hotter then she eva was"

The pieces clicked together with those last words, and Vriska shook her head.

"What. Seriously? You're making me some shitty 8ody dou8le of you? I mean, not like I'm not flattered, really! 8ut that seems really stupid."

She was hardly flattered, of course. She didn't mind the new figure, and honestly, she kind of enjoyed the feeling of her flesh expanding and contracting. It was almost sensual. Exotic. But everything that came with it? Fuck no.

She only hoped the body would be all there was to it.

"you undaestimate how useful you gonna be to me, imma busy troll i cant do everyfin myself,

you gonna be a good me an help out, but dont get any ideas, im still the bass around here"

That said, it was getting harder to hold Vriska as her size continued to increase, but Hic managed to cup her hands around the blue-bloods tits and ass, squeezing and prodding them as they inflated out to match her own endowments.

Being let loose, if only slightly, Vriska redoubled her efforts to wriggle free. This didn't come before her chest and rear were enhanced, however. The feeling of flesh expanding, well disposing of what was left of her clothes, and growing all the more sensitive, brought a small moan to her lips.

"Oh my G8D, The whole 8ody dou8le thing was one thing 8ut this is just getting perverse!"

The slightest change in her tone went, for the moment, unnoticed to her.

"its all part a the show for me, you comin along just fine"

As Vriska continued to grow, she finally got too big for for HIC to carry in her hands. The Condesce once again dropped her to the floor, although this time she had less length to fall. Vriska's still oddly-proportioned frame scrambled slightly, only to stop once more as her arms stretched out on either side, growing into strong slender copies of HIC's own appendages. As all this continued, Vriska only grew taller and taller, as well.

Now on terra firma, (Alternia firma?) Vriska slowly pulled herself to her knees, looking over her new arms, slim and soft, but muscled and bearing strength. The stretching and cracking in her body was almost empowering, really. She could feel her physical strength mounting by the minute. She couldn't help but feel over her naked body, admiring the contours and size of it.

"I mean I GU-----ESS you're right, Though... Ugh, get O8T OF MY H8AD!!!!!!!!"

Feeling a creeping specter of the Empress passing over her, she sets her hands to her temples again, now applying psychic pressure to... Herself? Unorthodox, but it seemed to fight things back, if only temporarily.

"ayyy you likin that new power huh"

The Condesce grabbed Vriska by the mouth and forced her to look at her. HIC had to admire the Serket's determination. None of her other experiments had fought even half this hard against their fate. Still, the inevitable would come eventually, and she would be consumed.

"you gonna like bein me"

Vriska's horns, still relatively tiny on her much larger body, suddenly shot straight up matching the massive prongs that HIC proudly displayed, as her body continued to bulk up.

Their eyes met, and despite herself, Vriska couldn't look away. There was a strange twinge of familiarity in that gaze. Like looking into a mirror. Indeed, as her horns reshaped and grew, that'd only amplify. The pressure on her scalp, the dull ache of her muscles as they grew and strengthened.

All this culminated in a series of grunts and groans, as Vriska's control over herself began to rapidly decline.

"I........ yeah i guess youre right, its feeling nice already, not too different actually, but different enough, where it counts"

Vriska's already bushy hair grew out in a flash to resemble The Condesce's billowing mane. The Condesce grinned, as Vriska's face was all that remained.

"i wanna get a close look at this"

Lightly, being gentle for the first time of the whole experience, HIC used her telekinesis to bring Vriska to a standing position.

"i wanna sea 'you' fade away"

Vriska's face, the last vestige of her former identity, began to morph and reshape before the Condesce's eyes.

Slowly but surely, the change took place. Vriska's bone structure cracked and shifted. Lips plumped out. Eye color changed. Soon enough, her face was a mirror image of the Condesce's. A familiar smirk came to the clone's features.

"Whale, hope you enjoyed the show o g me, cause blueblood thief bitch is outta here"

The Condesce crossed her arms and laughed. What a success! Now she had effectively double the muscle behind her throne.

"good shit,turns out imma genius and beautiful as fuck both, good thing you know who the alpha whale is round here tho, wouldnt want us havin a problem"

The new Condesce scoffed, as if the suggestion were absurd.

"bitch please, you dont go makin another one a yourself an not expect her to turn into competition, fortunately i got the perfect cure for this predicament, sea not all a this bitch is gone, some thinkpan shit is still sittin around, and guess what i can do with it"

With a wicked grin, she combined Vriska's psychic acumen with her own, and attempted to force her way inside the alpha article's mind.

Old school HIC reeled back, not expecting the power that suddenly slammed into her brain. This was impossible! She was the real deal, not this copy she made herself.

"fuckin slick ass glubberfucker, thinkin you can take M-E!? you gotta nother, thing….urk"

Despite the psychic energy she was expending to fight back, The Condesce was being slowly surrounded by an unfamiliar feeling: helplessness.

The cloned Empress grinned, slowly moving toward her soon-to-be thrall, hips swaying almost hypnotically.

"shhh its aight gill, its ocray to admit you fucked up, youll be mine to do whatebber with soon, and youre gonna LOV-E it"

A well-manicured hand was put to the original's chin, and her gaze was tilted to meet her creation's.

The original stared at her oppressor as she struggled to maintain control of herself. There she was, herself, in the nude, taunting her, forcing her down in a way she had never even thought possible.

Reduced to begging as she felt her body fail her, she gave off one final plea:

"Please… stop… this aint how it was sposed to be"

Said oppressor simply shook her head and tsked in disapproval at this.

"man how pathetic, thought we were betta than this, ah whale~. ILL be betta than you ever were, dont you worry"

With a final kiss on the forehead, she gave her progenitor the final push into total obedience.

Drained of her power, and overwhelmed by her opponent, The first Condesce stood silently at attention. Internally she was screaming, agonizing over the fact that she had lost everything because of her own stupid pride. On the outside, however, she was stoic, waiting for her next order.

With that, the new Empress of Alternia snapped her fingers authoritatively.

"aight slave, first order a business is gettin me some jams to wear, cant go out naked like this no more, then were gonna plot out makin this empire bigger and betta than eva, or i am, you just be a good slave an do what i say"

With that, she confidently strode out to meet her new future.

-Discord Writers (an RP log between one of the discord users - transcribed.)

[sikegeist]

I’M AFRAID TO DO THIS BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT

I did it again this morning. I reached for my phone instead of my meditation pillow. I knew what I was doing when I did it but I did it anyways. I just wanted a connection. I chose people over god.

Trust is hard.

You have to have faith, they say.

I think what you really need is the willingness to be brave and afraid.

I was taking a walk yesterday--one of my new favorite activities now that my days have so many more hours to fill since we can’t be near one another despite the glorious weather. As I walked up and down the broken, jutting sidewalks of my neighborhood--an obstacle course created by the tree roots which have continued to defy man’s attempt to keep them hidden by BURSTING through the concrete prison laid upon them years ago--I tried my best to be present.

It’s easy to be present with the trees and the bees and the leaves.

It’s easy not to worry about what the birds and lizards think of you.

(There I went again. Checking my phone after hearing the ding. Missing some friends who are thousands of miles from me so dearly. Missing them just as I would any other day we are apart. This is not pandemic pain, it’s life.)

((And I think I cherish these relationships so much because I don’t feel afraid around these people. I don’t feel judged. And I don’t feel judged because I don’t need their approval.))

But as I’m walking up and down these jagged and jutting concrete paths, I notice there are more people out and doing the same: walking for walking’s sake. More people than I expected to see. Are we trying to deny the reality? Or has scarcity mentality slowly begun to creep in--making us hoard as much time with our natural resources before we return to a world of plastic and screens and forget how amazing the gift of this land we were *not* given, but lent for a time being, truly is.

I digress. I got sidetracked talking about the beauty of the world. But I was supposed to still be writing about being all in my head and my fears. Isn’t that always the way. Doesn’t the natural world always make our attention stray from what matters most: our ego?

Yes, that sentence was swole with sarcasm.

Back to me. I’m walking. So are other people. And as we come to pass, I know what I want to do is look them in their eye and smile and connect oh so briefly and wish them, “Have a nice day.” But I notice something happen, again. Something that had stopped happening recently, but now seems to be happening more frequently. A pain wells up behind my eyes--it’s a strange pressure which I’ve identified as fear; a biophysical response mechanism I’ve learned I had anytime I sense danger.

But what is dangerous about this?

What is dangerous about looking another person in the eye?

I first noticed this physiological response approximately 5 years ago. It began at a time when I realized I had very few people around me in my current life that I could trust. And I realized that although, as my friend had made me aware a couple of years earlier, my heart was truly wide open for the first time in my entire life--I felt accepted and wanted in a way I had never experienced in my body/community while growing up--I was not taking care of my heart. I was giving it away too freely, and it was being used and abused. I was being left confused; so unsure of who to trust.

Yes, I am responsible for my own actions. No, I did not know any better at the time. I did not have teachers or mentors in my life when it came to what to do with my heart--perhaps with the exception of my grandmother: Honey. And I spent approximately two decades of my life believing that that was because I had to earn others love by giving myself away, piece by piece, until they deemed me worthy of a return. I have finally stopped beating myself up for the things I did not know before. I am still developing a nurturing and compassionate relationship with my inner child who is still learning so, so much about vulnerability and trust and connection.

I think the pain that wells up behind my eyes when I try to connect with others belongs to that child. I remember doing it sometimes when I received a lot of attention as a child. Once, on a family vacation in Hilton Head, South Carolina, I was called up on stage by the most famous man on the island at the time (well, famous if you were a kid at least): Gregg Russell. Russell was a children’s entertainer who would perform once a week on a little stage overlooking the coast and this giant, glorious lighthouse which I loved so much for no real reason and don’t believe I ever even visited. Some of my favorite songs of his included “Purple People Eater”, “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up”, and “Is That A Booger In Your Sugar? No, It’s Not, It’s Snot!” He was my childhood rockstar.

Every week he would select a child to come up on stage and sing a song with him. Kids would spend all day working on signs to take to the little concert, which they would hold up in the hopes that Gregg Russell would pick them.

(Damn...I looked at my phone again. My erratic mind is my own fault, it seems--a side effect of consistent access to technology.)

Back to Gregg. Short story short: I got picked. And I was thrilled! This was my dream!

I was six years old at the time and mostly wore my lightning blonde hair back in a ponytail. I walked up on the stage, full of excitement and fear, and Russell picked me up and sat me on his lap--his face confronted with my bright blonde spray of hair. As was his custom, he began to try to engage me in conversation, to joke around. But suddenly I realized all eyes were upon me, and I both wanted it and I didn’t. I was excited that we were all connected in that moment, and also felt the immense pressure of living up to everyone’s entertainment expectations. The result: I could hardly talk. I was anxious, but the adults in the crowd read me as coy and thought perhaps I was just being cute. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But as a child that’s not how my mind interpreted the situation.

Why do I mention my ponytail? Well, because my strongest memory of that night is now the memory of me smacking Gregg Russell in the face with my ponytail as I shook my head back and forth as if to say No! rather than opening my mouth to just say, “No.” I wasn’t protesting--he had asked me a question. But I was too nervous to let anything come out of me, for some strange reason. Maybe I was afraid of disappointing my audience.

This childish anxiety and this pain behind my eyes returns to me often in periods of intense worry and self-doubt. It’s very hard for me to escape my head sometimes, but I have done enough work over the past decade to know the difference between what’s real and what’s my pre-programmed story. Still, a second is a short moment, and often in those moments, my fear--my feelings--overpower my logic.

Now back to the present (which is actually one day in the past): I’m walking about my neighborhood and I notice that people are being incredibly friendly. People want to connect and say hi. Only two people I see are actually staring at their phones. A couple walks past me and is smiling and I try to smile back and notice immediately that, instead, I dart my gaze away and look at the ground with a smile on my face, as if to say, “I’m not mean, just shy.”

Why did I just do that?

I don’t know.

I may never know.

I accept that.

I keep walking.

I pass by a woman, who is listening to something on her phone. She keeps her gaze forward though and here comes the moment we are about to connect! But then, I do it again.

What is wrong with me?

Why does this pain naturally make me glance away?

I keep walking.

The next few people I pass by I keep staring at the ground.

I don’t want to mess up kindness again.

I keep walking.

I see another woman walking her dog.

This time, I’m going to try to keep the connection.

I look her in the eye, and she does the same.

We both smile as the distance between us shrinks.

And then--

Again--

The pain wells up behind my eyes. A stabbing that makes me turn my head away quickly.

I fucked up again.

I pony-tail face-smacked this perfectly nice, perfectly harmless, perfect stranger.

Why is this happening to me again, so suddenly?

I don’t know.

I can only work with it.

Because the truth is I’m too tired to fight anymore. I’ve been doing it for a few decades now and could use a bit of a break from wrestling with worry.

Last night I was journaling about how tired I am of myself.

Not in a morose or pity-party kind of way, simply in the way a child becomes tired of a toy or a game because the magic and wonder has worn off.

And here I am again, writing about myself.

(Write what you know? Do I really know myself that well?)

I don’t remember what I was writing when I started this exercise.

I am nervous to share this today.

I would rather pony-tail smack everyone who attempts to read this than post it.

That’s my natural instinct.

Even though I don’t want it to be.

But as my friend who is thousands of miles from me now once told me, “You have to face the fear and do it anyways.”

I hope, one day, that pain that comes up behind my eyes--that fear of connection I have which is actually just a fear of rejection which is actually just unhealed wounds from childhood and later life experiences I haven’t fully overcome--fades away, just like the lightning blonde color of my hair has faded to something more like straw in the summertime.

I hope the world never stops changing, and me with it.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

so i really think i am done now. 

like im weirdly overwhelmingly speechless but yet have so many thoughts and feelings but none of them of extreme anxiety.

he tells me he went to drop in group therapy today and that hes going to go to rehab after he takes care of me for a month and maybe he’ll be better for spring.

i’m like .........................................

oh. o.ka..y. i just spent weeks - literally weeks - being dragged along by him with phone calls and questions and requests and he saw me invest my energy and time and that i was becoming like excited for this prospect. yesterday i was being told i would make him homecooked meals and take care of his dog. like i was fed everything and boom “maybe, i don’t know, we’ll see”.

and i didnt know how to react because on one hand im like okay cool good job trying something new i hope this gives u something ur looking for and helps the situation. on the other im like wow you literally have zero care about me and even if youre sick and thats the excuse behind this back and forth - you dont care about me. is it the sickness that makes you not care or you yourself? and am i sticking around to find out on the hopes that rehab makes this better? like your complete constant inability to give any respect to another person. its not like im thinking he has to go through with the original plans or else but its like not one time did he mention hey thanks for working on this i appreciate that youre doing this with me and you put time into it and i really want to be on my top game and i know this kind of puts a bump in the road but im hoping that itll be worthwhile at the end of it because we’re on the right track but i am not.

it was just im doing this and this. cool. 

u know he cant consider other ppl right he has to only consider himself and how to make himself better while completely neglecting the massive damage he is currently doing around him but its okay because hes going to rehab and if i believe in this opportunity i wont be bothered by a bump in the road. 

yes i absolutely think my life story should be tramping across canada i guess by myself now to be with a guy fresh out of rehab. so fuck me right. and im just like.. sooooooooooo.... many emotions. im angry and bitter and sad and heartbroken and i dont know what to be. i dont know whats the “right” path for ME to take. because fuck anyone else fuck it all - whats the right path for me. do i want to be angry? do i want to cry? 

except i already knew how this went because i did it before the summer about this fucking trip so its like u must think im literally retarded. if i complained at all in anyway i was an asshole for not supporting his want to go to rehab. i didnt want him to get better. and there was no way to explain that he was just completely neglecting the damage he caused and was causing at this very moment regardless of his positive decision because nothing about making the ecision to go to rehab is that positive. its only positive because youre “getting better” otherwise youre going because you suck right now. thats not a positive decision. it is AFTER fucking rehab. but im not even on this level with him you know. im not saying any of this. i just know that if i say even one single thing about it, im an asshole even though its presented to me by an asshole. 

so i told him that i wanted to go and be sad and i talked to him later. he asked me why i was sad and really pressed on the issue and i told him it dint matter and i would prefer to just go but again he pressed and i felt anxious like either i flat out accepted what happened right now and just live my life in whatever new way i was required to in his shadow or tell him that i felt uncomfortable and sad and that he was just going to come for a month and go away again and that didnt make me feel good. 

and thus - well he was doing this positive thing and he wanted to feel better and not feel like he wanted to die everyday and you know i had this opportunity where i was too and i had problems i wasnt working on and it doesnt make him feel goo to have to deal with the stress of me being upset about his decision. 

and i was just so frustrated. like after two fucking years you still do not get it at all. like omg i could quit smoking everything tomorrow and still feel like absolute garbage and want to di ei could have a great job an still feel like garbage and want to ie because my BIGGEST MOST OVERWHELMING FEELING I HAVE NEVER NOT SHAKEN IN MY DAILY FUCKING BEING is loneliness. and its not like im forcing him to mae me not lonely. but when you offer this stupid dream world where im not going to be lonely, when you put on a mask to parade around and “care for me” after surgery but disappear promptly after its like do you not understand its literally more painful for me in my life to live with loneliness than anything this cyst does to me. anything. i could live with it for a year and it would be less worse than the all consuming depression of loneliness. and by feeling so lonely ive struggled with finding a purpose. and like i have friend(s). i have one very good friend ive had for two years that i really really connect with and really really respect and weve fought but its totally okay and when i feel really alone i honestly think of her maybe first and foremost because i genuinely feel loved by this person. i really really think they would do the most for me and in return i try to do the very most for them. and weve supported major life crisis with each other. we’ve really emapthized and like wanted nothing but the best for each other and like cried with each other and this person is truly an example of why it might be worth giving people more chances.

but i experience such an isolating loneliness and my personal battle because life has decided i will and have experienced this  is that i need to embrace being alone because of all the people who have hurt me. i am not prepared in any form to vouch for someone being okay. ive made so many excuses for shitty people and shitty behavior that deeply reflects and scarred my soul so fucking bad. im soooo tired of making excuses for shitty people. im really tired. 

i try to bring up that he had fed me all this crap and he bounced between saying “i knew it wasnt true” that he was “pretending to be normal” and that he was still buying the land and he didnt understand why this was such a problem for me because “nothing changed” and finally that he was “sorry” and kept asking me what i wanted or what i wanted him to say and its so disgusting to put the victim in a position where they have to teach you what it is you did wrong when its so fucking obvious that you lied.

and so i thought about it briefly after hanging up and once again - dont get surgery. i was so uncomfortable now. i was like downtrodden and disrespected and nothing of what he said gave me confidence in fucking anything so i had a choice of pretending like it was all totally okay and watching him leave at the end or being upset about it and getting the bare minimum care from someone who kept filling my head with ideas that were never going to actually happen. so now im like vulnerable and have to experience this person no matter what and like i dont even want to talk to him now. im so shocked. lke the full weight of what he just did has not even set in fully but i know that its so fucking heavy it just changed my soul and like the minions are working overtime to figure out how to put this shit back together because i cannot even believe the level of how he trie to sell me on this shit and have zero fucking compassion towards the idea that  he once again had to take a new path alone and “couldnt consider me anymore” but “nothing had changed”. dont be upset.

hes going to rehab. 

and like im sorry i dont really believe in the recovery of this person other than the symbolic “i went to rehab” because he smokes weed. he refuses - flat out fucking refuses to see what actual fucing hurt he caused people and hes the only person who can work on these things and in no fucking way what so ever do i believe weed has any part of what hes doing. i really dont. if i can be proven wrong in the end ill take it back in respect but fuck him anyways because if a heroin addict shot me in the leg he still shot me in the fucking leg. forgive but im not forgetting. 

like the shit he has made me do and go through is abysmal and hes never ever going to admit to anyone that he did these things to me so at no point is anyone going to turn to him and say uhm u did fucking what. so wheres my bonus in all of this when / if it all comes back in the spring and hes ready to go because omg guys he went to rehab and now hes enlightened and sober and better than all of us and still the giant piece of shit to me hes always been. and now more so because i still smoke weed and god u know im a real drug addict. 

i told him i was uncomfortable with getting surgery knowing i would essentially be stuck with him for this time and right now i was just really uncomfortable and upset. he said that was fine but he was offering to “fulfill his obligation” of caring for me and he still loved me and if i only wanted him to come make meals and change my banages an leave then he would.

and its like man no. at this moment right now. right fucking now i am full realization that this is super abusive even if youre sick. even if youre sick. because i know this. i did this. and i did this very similarly u know like this woman loved me. she loved me and she cared for me but lke there was alot of things i id wrong like i was lazy and ungrateful and spoiled and a bitch but she cared for me and especially - ESPECIALLY if i was “sick” she really “cared for me” and that cleared her record. everytime i was sick - well u know she did this and this for u. but like she was killing me EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY and all of this - al of this my whole life with this crazy woman was because she was sick. she was sick and this happened. and he was sick and this happened but like no matter the sickness this fucing HAPPENED. you damaged another persons soul like omg do u think u can get away with punching one of ur kids and going to mental ward one time and never ever have it brought up again no u damaged that kid and ur whole fucking family forever cuz ur sick. 

so ur saying before you go to rehab you will come back and care for the person that you have to “have no concern over” thereafter and that person can have literally no fucking emotion like youre a fucking home care nurse they never met before. like omg. are you for real. am i dead? why am i crazy because i think this is uncomfortable, stressful and awkward for the legitimately physically ill person. 

he says i can decide what i want, its my body but hes still offering to care for me and he doesnt want to play games because he was fine to take care of me and get surgery before he brought this up and i had already done this before and its like man why are you gaslighting me making me thinking my feelings about this are a manipulation tactic against you when its a legitimate fucking concern for my own well being and why is it insinuatingly so offensive that i switch to concern primarily for myelf when someone says theyre also doing the same thing. thats what makes you the most sick. and no one will ever reall see this. and its like when i realized i would never get anything back from my sick father and 10 years of caring for him and its just like damn. no one - no one will ever fully know what you did and thats how you actually won in all of this. even if i go out there and i say well he did this and this you already diminished my reputation of being like a logical level headed person in relationships and now i look fucing insane especially the embarassment of sticking around. 

like i cant even explain all the ways it oesnt feel right to get this surgery. ive had nightmares of dieing and its a nothing surgery. like maybe the anasthetics kill me or something. i have a surprise heart attack from my years of smoking. and if that doesnt happen then im here with him and like i dont even want ot look up what the surgery is because im 50% still in hope that like ill jump right up and be cool and like have no problem taking care of myself and i overestimated how much care iw ould need and its all good. best case scenario. then 50% im like okay if the cyst is as bad as it was and theyre cutting out a whole chunk of flesh and stitching it my likely best case scenario is moderate swelling and pain, moderate body movement and anxiety over a fucking wound thats so deep and like ive never had such a deep wound before and in this area i cant even bend with a cyst and its stitched what if i bent and it ripped like fair enough i could ask many of these questions of my personal anxieties with a doctor. and maybe what really happens is a bit of both and i struggle with feeding and bathing myself and my biggest concern is the set of stairs to the apartment and living in disgusting filthy room. 

so now im dealing with maybe a home care nurse level of care. im made some food. my bandage is changed and im left to fend for everything else even though there could be some limited mobility and stairs and just like.. not really being able to do anything strenuous and i imagine not alot of sitting and like this all sucks and now im watching the person i looked forward to the most feed me the bare minmum and leave. or he stays and is of more help and i fall into the same bullshit again. maybe he feeds me over and over these romantic bullshit lines like once i get out of rehab wel do this and this and blah blah blah because hes still fucking sick and theres no controlling what he will actually do so what he demonstrated is that hes unstable an i have no been freshly duped by him and i dont feel mentally strong enough to take the rollercoaster with him in any way shape or form. 

as he was repeating some shit about needing to respect him getting care for himself, my phone died and i took a deep breath and put it dow and was kind of thankful that the fates of technology decided this for me because i was really really super done. i know hes serious about going and i know hes serious about having no concern for me because hes already done all of these things so everythhing that happens is tainted to yeah hes right - “i knew all along” that he was a lieing piece of shit and i was wasting my time. 

and it bothers me that like on paper im like real shit luck in life, been through so much, have very little in posessions, no family and this person was like oh hey we’ll go do this and this and frolic through the land and its like do you even comprehend the weight of what you just did to this person. and to turn around and say make a way for yourself like im piggybacking off of you? omg. 

theres like a top 5 worst people ive ever personally known. my mother almost always tops the list for pure longevity. i have an ex friend who turned so vicious it like fucked us both up in the long run and im bitter about it. my most recent friend would maybe me number 5, maybe in running with my alcoholic friend because besides being nice theyre terrible people. but in this list, possibly #2 has to be him. he is worse than my ex because my ex’s “sickness” was being dumb as fuck and hes like.. hes just dumb. hes not terrible hes just really dumb and like not a good person to be around and even though i got him arrested im not ure he would be top 5. he was just so dumb that im not like traumatize by him im just like man thats on me. thats rly rly on me. but this guy --- im not so fucking retared im just running back to a piece of shit to be shit on with zero fucking bonus to my life. this person has to actively participate in making me want to come back by actions and words. im not stuck with him at all. no money ties. i dont live with him. why woud i go back unless he was gving me something i wanted? 

but he was never going to give me anything i truly wanted. and its my fault for sticking around. he told me all of this so i shouldve known even though “we’re going to have a sugar shack, we’re going to have a dog” - and just this mention of the word “we” was soooooooooooo fucking nice to me you have no idea. this really like.. stuck in my head and made me feel a tiny comfort like wow theres a we. i’m not just an i. i’m finally a we.

does he care? no he doesnt fucking care. hes sick. hes going to rehab. 

the bestthing he could do is leave me alone. thats truly the very best option. my trust is broken. like nothing he says to me from this point on is believable or true or leads to anything substantial. i should put no weight at all on anything he says which makes any conversation with him totally useless. because even if our convo is political i dont believe thats what he believes anymore. maybe tomorrow he believes something else. 

and if you love me. if you actually fucking love me you dont “love me to death”. thats not it. true love of me is an actual understanding of who i am and what ive been through, to really deeply respect where ive come from just lke i have to respect everyones living family my story should be equally respected and taken seriously and not toyed with. thats showing me a true love and if you cannot do this you need to step away and honestly man. its not like a step away for awhile and we’ll see like people are like wow ur so black and white but why am i fucking with a future you when both present and past blew it? there is no evidence to even back up future you and by the time future you outweighs all of this karmically, who the fuck cares that we ever knew each other its like some kid i sat beside in a classroom. like cool bro ur still alive wow nice. i never want to deal with him or anyting about him again. he made me carry so much of his weight he refuses to see it and i didnt need any of this in my life and i didnt ask for him to do any of this in my life. but i shouldve walked away sooooo long ago. i can reprimand myself fo this. but i also know im on my process and this is part of it. this is three years out. im not even homeless or fucked up im just like super sad about all of it. 

he had this speech about how i had to get the surgery before because we had to be ready for spring. so he had intertwined this surgery with this proposed future and i had to do it to be prepared and show him im serious and now im like bro if i get one in 3 months who cares ill just go to the hospital again. this is an option. they never said i would die if i idnt get it. its just a like.. quality of life surgery. and my quality of life is shit anyways this surgery and these cysts mean nothing to me and having to go through all of this man.. at one point he had literally said “if you dont get surgery because of me then thats how itll have to be” 

so you stepped on other people, you hurt other people and if they dont do a thing to better themselves because they have to deal with you “then so be it”? im going to ~rehab~.

i havent turned my phone back on for a few hours i guess and i really dont want to. he wont have done anything differnt, ill have gotten no messages but i dont know. i just.. i want to forget all of this. him, the surgery. just continue to hobbit for the month or something and “figure something out”. 

[shamelessmilkshakepanda-blog]

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Okay, so my car got stolen a couple of days ago. Who ever stole it ripped it apart and left it to get towed. It was a 1990 Toyota Camry. I paid $100/month for full coverage on the car, and I was told that I am not going to get anything from the insurance company for the car. How does that make sense? Am I just stupid or is there something wrong here?""

What is the AVERAGE cost of surgery to fix a varicocele without insurance in the midwest?

I have a varicocele in my left testicle. I have no medical insurance. How much does this operation cost to fix it? I know it will vary, but i want to know the AVERAGE cost. This is in a midwest state.. Also, if I dont make a lot of money, could I get some type of government medical assistance to pay for some of it? Im 28, and aside from the varicocele im in good health.""

Car Insurance Question?

Ok I'm 17 and looking for a car... I found a 1996 Camaro for $2000 my mom said the insurance would be high, so she said no/we'll talk about it. I know insurance is more for guys and teens so its going to be a little more but how much? I know I cant get an exact percent but a rough guess maybe? Would it be like $50, $100, $200 a month? my phone bill is $100(I pay not her)""

""My wife is pregnant, we do not have insurance. What should we do?""

We do not have insurance, but are having a baby. We are happy to add to our family, but do not know how we are going to be able to afford the up coming medical bills.""

I am looking for good insurance on a new car.?

I am 21 years old and getting my first new car. Where do you suggest I look for car insurance? I don't have the best driving record. I had an accident in Nov 2002 and a speeding ticket in July 2003. I want to get a lot of coverage, but I don't want to be paying anything outrageous. How much should I be expecting to pay for car insurance?""

My car under my parents insurance?

Ok i have a hypothetical question...Say if my car is in my name, and i am under my parents insurance...And i get in a major accident are they liable? Are they at more risk if i am in their name but i own the car?""

How should health insurance companies thank Obama?

I just found out that my health insurance, which used to have a $500.00 deductible, will now be MORE expensive and will now come with a 5,000.00 deductible!! Which means, in order to see any benefit at all, I have to fork over $7,000.00 of MY OWN MONEY!! Which basically means, I have no health insurance now yet I still have to pay for it because it is now the law! If I don't, I get garnished. Asking around, I have learned that this is happening to everybody. So instead of getting MORE people covered by health care, Obamacare is getting millions of people effectively kicked off! But because of the law, we still have to pay the insurance companies, while they are free to raise the deductible to the point where their only purpose is to sit back and collect our money. Great. So I think the insurance companies should fork over a big, fat billion dollars to Obama for the all the cash he sent them!""

Would you switch car insurance companies after 10 years to save money?

Since 1997 I've been with the same car insurance company. Have had FANTASTIC service and support with claims and general questions. I use the same company for car insurance, home owner's insurance, life insurance, and to manage my IRA. When pricing out alternatives I realize that I could save about $50 a month by switching my car insurance to esurance. I attempted to get my current insurance to match their price without success. I'm very leery about possibly loosing my excellent service and support from my current company. Would you switch to a new company, and possibly a worse company, to save money?? I can easily afford my current company, but I'd obviously love having an extra $50 a month to plan with.""

How much will insurance cost for a 16 year old on a Mustang GT?

I work and I wanted to know how much will it cost we are currently on progressive insurance.

""Car insurance, they didn't take payment, was I insured?""

I have a classic car insurance policy with two cars on it, the policy started on one car but I later added a second. I have just taken the second car off the policy but it turns out ...show more""

""If i just got my permit, can i drive my moms car without insurance?

I just got my permit and want to drive my moms car. Do i have to be on her insurance if i only have a permit?

Where to have my car insurance?

My insurance is up for renewal soon and I have a little dilemma. 4 days a week I work away from home living with realatives close to my job and the other 3 days I am at home. not the best situation but as I can't take my kids out of school I have to go where the work is. Now If I insure my car at my realtives address it is 200 cheaper then at my family home but can I legally insure my car away from the family home.

Buying auto insurance?

Is it possible for someone to buy auto insurance with their brother?

Got an insurance check for hail damage on my car do i have to repair my car?

I have had the check for the insurance company sitting for two months due to the fact I havent had the money to pay the deductible. Well I am 35 weeks pregnant and this week my phone, water, car insurance, will all be shut off or canceled this week and my car payment was due three weeks ago. So This is my last and final option but my car is not paid of I still owe on it and the check is for 2,000 due to hail damage and it is made out to me and the bank so it says pay to the order of (name) AND (bank) only! Can I put the check into my bank account wait for it to clear and then pay my bills? I know this sounds very wrong but sometimes you have to do what you can with you've got.""

What kinds of insurance should I have?

I have several different kinds of insurance. I want to know which ones to keep. And what to get rid of. I'm looking for an objective opinion.

Cheap car insurance companies?

What's the cheapest car insurance companies for a 17 years old

Have car insurance prices gone up in the past few months?

Hello About 3 months ago i looked for car insurance prices for my myself as an additional driver on my parents car and was getting quoted prices for 1300 ish, now i looked again this morning and they are more like 1700-2500 what has happen ? I dont get why they would fluctuate this much, any ideas ?""

Cheapest life insurance in singapore?

which insurance company in singapore offers the cheapest life insurance?

How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?

How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?

Sue car insurance company?

Hi there. I have a question. I want to SUE my Car insurance company because they refuse to pay for my stolen car which is been more then 6 months and still hasn't been recovered. I was paying full coverage for about 4 months till the moment my Range Rover 1998 was stolen. After filing proper claims i get a letter from my insurance that they denied the claim. The reason why was because i misrepresented myself. and what they meant by that was that when i signed the contract i selected NO in a question ( Has your license ever been suspended or revoked) Now let me explain how this happened. I got the insurance thru my broker. Everything was done by phone. My broker happened to be family of dear friend of mine. At the time i asked for insurance my driver license was suspended already suspended and the reason why was because of child support for which i was going thru courts with my ex. First i decided to insure my car liability and my car was paid in full. On the liability contract it wasn't any question regarding my driver license either was suspended or not. After a week or so i thought to myself that if i get in a accident god forbid and it was my fault i have to may myself for damages and you know for such a car would be very expensive so i asked my broker if i can changed it to full coverage and so they did. on the day i did the change the girl that worked for my broker and assisting me asked me Klodian you are aware your license is suspended. I said yes and i explained the reason y. So she found this insurance company for a low price and she emailed me the contract to sign and fax it to her. now under the questions which i saw of course latter after i was denied claim i saw they were marked all NO and that was done on computer not hand writing. which of course in this case was done by the girl that helped me. Now my broker told me that insurance company should had run your driving record before they issue insurance to you and if they done that they were gone see your driver lisence was suspended. But when my broker asked them why they didnt run it Their answer was that they trusted me based on the contract i signed which to my opinion is BS. Now i want to sue them and all the lawyers they refuse to get my case and my believe is because my car is worth about $4800.00 and they don't see how they can make money out of me and i don't have to pay them up front. Now if i go on small claim max i can go is $3000.00 ????

Car insurance queries?

A good friend of mine had an accident in another friends car. It was his fault but his insurance company have said his insurance does not cover him as the vehicle he was driving is classed as a car derived van. The insurance company state that the policy only covers third party cover for other motor cars and claim a car derived van is a commercial vehicle. Even though its not used as a commerical vehicle, The vehicle in question is a Peugeot partner 600 and its v5 doc claims calls it a car derived van and it falls in the PLG class. Is this right what the insurance company are saying ?""

Do i have to inform my car insurance company if i move?

I'm under my dad's insurance. He is listed as the primary driver. My mom and I are under the same policy. It expired on 10/15 and we renewed the policy the same day for another 6 months. Well, I am moving tomorrow to another county about 30 miles away and we didn't think about the insurance. I am also about to turn in to the DMV a notice of change of address. Do I need to notify the insurance company? Since I am living on my own, will it force me to be on my own policy? Another sideball question: I am in ownership of my mom's car and my dad is in ownership of my car (my car is newer so Dad wanted cheaper insurance). However policy does match me driving the newer car. How could we do this with me moving out with the new car (not the car that I own under DMV).""

Motorcycle insurance question?

Will i receive anything in the mail if I get a motorcycle insurance quote online? I don't want them sending anything.....lol

Think of buying a catagory D car which is an insurance write off?

I have just been to view a 2005 Nissan Micra with 13100 on the clock the car had a crush which damage the tail gate and the bumper both have been replaced to a high standard. The car would be worth 5000 but is selling for 2200. Everything seems good at 1st glance but i am concerned about insurance and weather or not it's a good ideal to take the gamble. The seller showd me the before and after pictures of the car and it seemed to fit wot he was saying. He also has a valied MOT which is a month old I don't plan on selling the car if i buy it. How much damage can a knock do to the front of the vehicle or any of the important parts? Please can someone advise wot the best thing would be to do?

What's going to be the insurance for 2007 Ninja 250?

I am 19 years old, will be 20 in 2 months. I have a driving permit for a car, I'm planning to get a ninja 250 2007. I live in Arizona. How much is the full insurance going to be?""

Why is classic car insurance more?

For a teen I mean. I know these types of cars need special insurance companies but these special companies don't take 18 year old drivers.     I'm currently parting out a 76 camaro with a tired 250 v6 so it's not fast in any ways. Though it is still called a sports coupe. so I was curious and got a quote and they quoted me $550 a month.    strange thing is my friend drives an 04 rsx that's standard (the camaro is auto)  and pays the same rate monthly under his parents. What are the factors that determine these rates? safety? engine size? the amount of damage they do? I had a 03 civic coupe (standard) briefly and was paying $260 a month under my parents insurance. According to the insurance company"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can get quotes from different companies:""

How much will the car insurance rate increase?

Company: Mercury Current Rate: $450-ish/month Accident: Backing up into another car; indentation (about 2 feet wide) on other car, no injuries, other car still functions normally. Also, I got my license in July and I am under 18. Thanks in advance.""

How much will two speeding tickets increase my insurance?

I got a speeding ticket last year around the same time for 15 mph over and just received another (in a different state) for going 18 mph over. Also, I have another ticket from 3 years ago (will be 3 years in a couple weeks), so that shouldn't effect my insurance after that. I called my insurance company and asked them how much my insurance would increase with this new ticket. They said $11 over six months, so that equates to less than $2 a month, which is fine, but I'm just not sure how honest they are being with me. Another person from the insurance company told me my premiums would go up by atleast $10/month without calculating anything, which seems excessive. Do you think it will be closer to $2/mo or $10/mo increase?""

Auto Insurance Help....?

I need insurance on my car, and i don't fully own it, my name is on the title and i finaced it so i have a lien on it....i'm only 20 so full coverage is pretty expensive! would it be possible for my dad to be able to add me to his policy?""

Liability Insurance?

I'm organizing a concert, and I'm having an issue with liability insurance. Where can I get some? And what is it all about anyway?""

Is GEICO auto insurance tougher (more expensive) than Progressive if you have an at fault accident?

I have one at fault accident on my record. It was a rear-end collision and it is a 2 pt. accident in California. I was shopping for new insurance. I made this statement about the at fault accident when filling out the forms for a quote online. At first GEICO the GEICO rates were looking way better than Progressive or other insurance companies so I thought I'd go with them. But when I went to go pay online, they did one last DMV record check, and came back with a higher rate. Even though I had stated the accident in the form previously. They waited to verify this at the very end and not earlier which I found annoying--they had my driver's licence earlier in the application process, so why wait till the very end! When filling out the Progressive quote forms, I also stated the info about my accident where asked. At the end, the form still considered me a Good Driver and the quote was much cheaper than Progressive. I went to pay and it did not recalculate my quote after a DMV check like GEICO did. I paid and am wondering if I am going to hear back from them saying I need to pay more. But I gave them all the info and I do now have a policy. So it appears that GEICO is tougher when it comes to having an accident, and Progressive doesn't let one at fault accident ruin a good driver discount? Does anyone have experience with this?""

If someone hits me do I file a claim with his insurance company or mine?

on new years eve a man backed into my car, I'm kind of behind and starting to finally get on it, when we called state farm (my company) they said it would make our rates go up because we were filing with them, do I have to call his insurance company or mine? and is there a certain amount of time i have to file a claim?""

If I take defensive driving will it keep my speeding ticket from my insurance company?

I have two previous tickets for speeding. One is dismissed I did community service and the other I didnt take care of and payed the fine and this is in Texas by the way I have also thought about contacting the my insurance agent and if it is dismissed because of the defensive driving this means my insurance rates will not go up correct?

I don't have insurance ?

I don't have any insurance. Any cheap one? Please any suggestion ?

Car crash damage my insurance rights?

my 2009 vauxhall insignia was hit from behind sitting at a car park space in a supermarket,there is substantial amount of damage to the right hand arch right above the back wheel,the back bumper is also broken,it was hit that hard it was pushed onto the car park space in front of it,i believe what saved it from any further damage was the driver of the other car hit the wheel of my car which i guess cushioned the blow.i have went today and got estimates for the repair which is in the region of 2500 pounds though could be more as they have to put it on some sort of machine to see if the wheel alignment is of,the repair shops say what they will do is cut the arch out and put a new arch in and spray it but no matter what its never going to be the same.the reason they do it like this is because the whole back of my car runs to the front without any splits. Im not happy about this being done like this as this car today is worth around 10,000 pounds which i pay for and dont want it patched up,i would prefer if the other guys insurance wrote it off so that i can get an original car which i first had,is there anyway i can get this to be wrote of and claim it of the guys insurance,i have heard of depreciation money if my car has been hit but this is still not going to compensate me for my car being patched up. thanks""

Can you have more than two car insurance policies in New Jersey?

I am under my dad insurance and so is one of my cars. Is it possible for me to be under another insurance with my other car or thats not possible.

How much would insurance be on a Nissan 350z?

Hi guys!! Ok so I'm soon to get a 2003-2006 Nissan 350z Touring or Enthusiast. Maybe around 9000$ to 15000. I'm almost 18 and what would insurance be like for me??? Allstate, State Farm, ect. I just need a basic monthly quote! Thanks!!""

Why car insurance quote from tesco is 550 whereas competitors quote over 1000 ?

i went through swinton, axa ,norwich union, high performance, churchil, and a couple others. they did not even come close...is this possible? i am a bit suspicious, if that tesco quote is reliable, but they say when i call that i can complete the whole process online and i do enter the same detail as on other websites.""

""I am 18 years old and have 6 points on my driving license, will my insurance cost go down after a year?

I currently aren't on any insurance policy!

Do you need social security number to purchase car insurance?

Im a student under student visa here in california, I want to purchase car insurance but dont have a ssn. If you can, which companies will and which will not?""

I need free insurance quotes that wont pull my credit report?

Im doing a project for school and I need to be able to enter in different attributes of an individual to determine how it would effect the insurance premium (I need dollar amounts). I need this for both home and auto insurance. Every site that I found requires your SSN and an accurate name so they can pull your credit report. Isnt there a site that does a general estimate of premiums?

I don't have liability insurance! My mom drives her car that is insured! Can i drive her car?

I was removed from my parents insurance policy! My mom can drive her car cuz she has insurance. Can i drive her car>?

How much would Safe Auto basic liability insurance be for my 2000 ford focus?

I need a basic/ cheap insurance.. i'm a college student that's all i can afford so please no LECTURES... I just need an answer THANKS :)

How do auto insurance deductibles work?

How do deductibles work in at fault and not at fault accidents?

Chicago health insurance question?

I was wondering what businesses in Chicago probably have no health insurance for their employees?

1 Month Car Insurance?

I'm looking to insure a car for 1 month only, I have did all the search engine checks but most sites want 180 + which is far too expensive. I'm 41 and have held licence 20+ years so no young driver problems. Any ideas??????""

""If I am 27 and single, do I need to be paying for life insurance?

I have been paying for life insurance for a few years now and I am convinced that I shouldn't be. I do not have any children or plan on any in the next few years. My father says it is so I am locked into a premium. Does that really matter?

Do you have to be a licensed insurance agent to do this?

Do you have to be a licensed insurance agent to quote Medicare Supplement rates in Texas? Please cite a source of your information.

Car insurance 18 year old female in London HELP?

So I'm 17 right now but will be 18 by the time I do my test in a few weeks I Live in London - moving to Colchester in September My dad, who has had tons of years experience, is getting a new insurance policy (he use to be on a mini cab driver insurance but quit so now looking for a new policy) He has a car that needs to be insured, Im not sure what car it is (I do know its a small car with either a 1.4 or a 1.6 engine) but my car is a 2012 Kia Picanto 1 1.0 5DR So far the cheapest insurance on the Kia Picanto I've gotten is 7000 which I refuse to take serious Everything I try doesn't seem to work I've tried: Putting his as the additional driver but me as the main drive Putting me as the additional but main driver Using my colchester postcode rather than my London postcode Tried using 8000 mileage per year I tried using the maximum amount of Voluntary Excess (usually 500) HOWEVER i found a deal on 'Just2Insure' as an additional driver on provisional on the Kia Picanto which was 2000, does anyone know if it will go higher once I've passed and changed to a full UK license? - This will be my dads insurance on MY car though right? If so, what would I be paying because I want to pay the full amount of the insurance thats on my car. - Is there anything I can do to make it cheaper with my dad being on my policy or me being on his? - And how could he insure his car and make me an additional driver but insure my car as well... if thats possible?""

How can i get cheap car insurance at 17?

How can i get cheap car insurance at 17?

Car insurance ?

ok heres my problem. i am 18 and i just finished a drivers ed program i want to get my license but i cant because in order to take the road test to get my full license (not a learners) i need a car on which i am insured but i cannot buy a car because in order to even buy a car you need to have some one in the house which you live in who has car insurance and no one in my family drives so they dont have insurance as you can see im in a cycle that i cant get out of... what do i do?

Why is classic car insurance more?

For a teen I mean. I know these types of cars need special insurance companies but these special companies don't take 18 year old drivers.     I'm currently parting out a 76 camaro with a tired 250 v6 so it's not fast in any ways. Though it is still called a sports coupe. so I was curious and got a quote and they quoted me $550 a month.    strange thing is my friend drives an 04 rsx that's standard (the camaro is auto)  and pays the same rate monthly under his parents. What are the factors that determine these rates? safety? engine size? the amount of damage they do? I had a 03 civic coupe (standard) briefly and was paying $260 a month under my parents insurance. According to the insurance company"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can get quotes from different companies:""

Are my car insurance rates normal?

I'm looking to buy a 2004 hyundai tiburon gt and the insurance company said it would be 1100 every 6 months. My second choice was a 2005 mazda3 I. Once again, rate would be 965 every 6 months. Even the tiburon base would be over 1000. I'm a 17 year old boy. Which explains alot, but I've had no accidents and have the safe driver discount.""

How much would it cost to have insurance on your license?

I live in Washington state. I was wondering how much insurance would cost if it covered my licenance so i can drive any vehicle.

Does an expired MOT invalidate insurance when making a claim for my car stolen from a private driveway?

I had no idea that my mot had ran out, when my car was stolen from a private driveway (not on public road) My insurance say i was in breach of the policy. But where do i stand legally with the car being off road when stolen? The insurance quoted no payout if there's no mot when one is required by law! Is there a loophole i can use""

Unemployed pay more for car insurance?

The 'cat is most definately out of the bag' about big insurance companies in the UK who are making a mint from people who find themselves out of a job and renew their car insurance policies and find that their premiums have nearly doubled because of their circumstances. We already know of the money-spinning ideas they already have , ie Young Drivers and Female Drivers...now they are hitting the Redundant Jobless. Are there no lengths that these companies will stoop to make billions from us?""

""How much does it cost to insure a ferrari spider 360, 2005 redge in the UK?

longer than writing a question and reading an answer smart *** :)

Insurance then car?

I'm confused, I want to know what would be the best car to get cheap insurance on it. I'm a 20yr old employed woman. I don't care what car I get (I know, it's tragic) as long as it gets me the chepeast insurance. Which car should I buy? (I have a budget of 2000 ish)""

Will I be able to buy car insurance?Thanks?

Im 19 and I was on my dads Metropolitan insurance company. I had 2004 Honda Civic but my dad had the car title in his name. I crashed my car and I was at fault so now we're waiting for the case to settle. My dad wants to wait for the case to settle before I buy another car. The case might take another year or more before its settled. I would like to buy my own insurance and my own car. How will the insurance work out or whats the cheapest insurance? Thanks

Car insurance... ways to lower it?

I know there are many variables but I've found the cheapest insurance company for me and adjusted various thing to lower it, all things are still true to me, but I'm currently looking to pay around 2400 I have found cheaper insurance for around 1400 bit then looking to pay around 1200 for the car, I bought my car for 80 as it was a family members car and needed work, but its all repaired, so the money id spend on a car wouldn't make up for insurance, also I've found insurance cheaper for my car but has a black box fitted to the car if I do that, but I may want to drive later than 11.00pm""

HELP me on Auto insurance...?

Sooo when i get a car im curious about how much insurance would be a month...obviously i'll be 18 pretty soon..and am planning on buying a scion tc most likely 2005-2007...around how much do you think monthly the insurance might be?

How much is insurance for a 2001 mercury cougar. If I am 16? (EST.)?

With this. I am 16 year old. live in MN first car. go on my parents plan. B+ average. And just no Liability. Not any other plans like coverage ect. Just No liability. Thanks! Oh it's in a metro area too

Affordable Health Insurance for small business owner?

I own a small retail store in CT and just received notice that my health insurance (for my family as well as my employees) went up by 23% (!). Now I'm trying to research online what the best options are in terms of affordability and coverage. I looked into HSA but am afraid that my employees might not be able to pay the high deductible out of pocket. I also wonder if getting individual health insurance (not via the business) would work if I pay a portion for each of my employees and if those tend to be less expensive. I pay 100% for my employees now and partly for their family members and would like to continue doing that but the prices are just getting ridiculous. If anyone has any suggestions I really appreciate it. Sadly, I am not internet savvy so shopping online has proven to be hard and insurance jargon just seems like a foreign language to me... :) Thank you

What do I do if The person who hit my car doesn't have insurance?

My car was hit today while parked. Smashed in my driver door pretty bad. A Honda ran a stop sign, hit a Celica that was going straight and the impact from the hit caused my parked car to hit by the Celica. The Honda that caused the accident doesn't have insurance, and didn't have his drivers license on him either. The cops cited him, but The Celica is totaled & my door is completely smashed in. I don't know how to go about this. He ****** my car, and he doesn't have to pay? I live in California. I do have insurance, so do I take care of it myself? I just don't think that sounds right.""

""BMW 318i 53 reg, insurance new driver?""

Parents may be buyign a new car, how much would it cost to insure a new driver on a bmw 318i 53 reg, about 30000 miles. Insurance would probably be on parents policy, 30+ years no claims, safe driving etc.""

What are some affordable health insurance plans?

Besides medicare, what are some cheap, affordable insurance plans in the hudson valley, ny?""

Who is the insurance/workers compensation carrier for Petco?

For a research project I'm doing on the pet industry, I need the name of the carrier who provides insurance and worker's compensation for Petco, PetSmart and the like.""

What would happen to health insurance companies if government take over the health insurance system?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard that Obama is trying to push a public health system that will allow everybody to have health insurance no matter what pre existing conditions he or she may have. If this is reached, what would happen to insurance carriers like Blue Cross, Blue Shield? Will we need these companies and health insurance agents?""

Can I get Sprint Insurance?

OK, let's say that I buy a phone for cheap on ebay or radioshack, can I still go to a sprint store and get insurance on the phone or do I have to buy the phone directly at the sprint store in order to get insurance?????""

How much is teen auto insurance?

i normally have bs and as and rarely cs for school. About how much would auto insurance be?

What happens if you get in a accident with no insurance?

I got in an accident today. It wasn't my car it was my moms, I gave the cop my license, registration, and insurance. However, I didn't know that the insurance was lapsed. It hadn't been paid. There wasn't any damage to the lady's car, and minimal damage to mine. Me and the women were getting ready to take off, but a cop came up, and said that because it was a main road, that we needed to fill out an accident report. She isn't gonna call her insurance company, but if she does, and they find out there wasn't insurance, are there fines to pay, do they take the car? I know I'll have to pay for whatever damages she may have on her car out of my pocket.""

How much wil my insurance go up?

I was just recently in a car accident. It was my fault I hit a truck and totalled my car. The truck didnt seem to really have damage I hit the metal ball where you attatch a trailer the hitch. I have fred loya car insurance. how much will my insurance go up? Please. will rate best answer.

How much average does a family of four pay annually or monthly for health insurance?

I'm currently in the military and plan on getting out in 3yrs. I have an EF but people in the service forget about health insurance (because its free now). I want to set my family up. Just wondering what would I be looking at paying when I separate for a family of four so I can start saving

How much would a car insurance cost?

I am living in NYC and I'm almost 21 and im planning to get a car pretty soon and by that time i will be 21 but i just got my drivers license. And the car i'll be getting will probably be a 2006 honda civic. So, how much would a car insurance cost me per month? Your help will be appreciated thanks :)""

Can i get car insurance in Cali. if my license is from NY?

I'm currently in Sacramento now and i live in NYC. I flew here on vacation and now i want to buy a car and drive back. How will i get insurance for my car?

Whats a Good Car to Customise at 17? but cheap insurance on?

for when im 17, im looking at a car im able to customize, i dont want a high cc car, only a low one because of insurance costs... i want to get a car thats like a bmw m3, or misubishi evo style.... as in like sports, 2 doors etc... but i need the insurance to be low... and can i have some estimates for upgrades? like bodykit prices, exhaust systems... etc...""

How do i pay car insurance at 18?

Okay, so i'm about to turn 18. I'm moving out and into my Boyfriends home(He's 20). He still lives at home, but his parents love me and want me outta my parents home, so i am! But i need to know how to switch my car insurance over so that i can keep my car and pay my own insurance. I refuse to get put on to my boyfriends parents policy. Is there a way for me to get the bills and pay for it, without my parents or his parents having to worry about it? (Please don't tell me that i shouldn't be moving out at 18. I'm responsible, and i've had a job since 15. I've been saving every penny for this moment.)""

Why is classic car insurance more?

For a teen I mean. I know these types of cars need special insurance companies but these special companies don't take 18 year old drivers.     I'm currently parting out a 76 camaro with a tired 250 v6 so it's not fast in any ways. Though it is still called a sports coupe. so I was curious and got a quote and they quoted me $550 a month.    strange thing is my friend drives an 04 rsx that's standard (the camaro is auto)  and pays the same rate monthly under his parents. What are the factors that determine these rates? safety? engine size? the amount of damage they do? I had a 03 civic coupe (standard) briefly and was paying $260 a month under my parents insurance. According to the insurance company"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can get quotes from different companies:""

Should I show the car repairman the insurance estimate?

I was in a wreck that the insurance company of the other driver agreed to pay for. They made an estimate and said they will put a check in the mail. They said that if it costs more than the estimate, then they will take care of that also as long as I show the estimate to the repairman. That seems straightforward... and on the other hand: With other car issues, auto shops have seemed to be willing to underbid each other. I wouldn't mind getting it fixed for less than the check that I'm going to receive. Should I try to get estimates that are independent of the insurance company's estimate to see if I can save money? If I then go with a shop that says they can do it for cheaper, can I trust that they won't say it will be more later?""

Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?

I've been shopping around for car insurance and I am surprised at the quoted price of Geico in comparison to most other companies. Geico is much cheaper than my current insurance company, and many other insurance companies. How can they offer such cheap rates, especially with all of the advertising they do? Are people having difficulty getting money out of Geico when they make claims? It just seems odd to me that they can offer such low rates.""

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

How much will my Progressive car insurance increase if I add a 93 Camaro for my 16 year old?

Any idea where I can find this info? Any estimates?

""My car was broken into and things were stolen. If i file a claim with insurance, will my rates go up?""

I live in Hawaii, I went for a hike with 8 people that all went with my truck. When we all came back from the hike, my truck was broken into. Things were stolen such as ipods, cellphones, drivers license, etc. I filed a police report. If I file a claim with home ownership insurance or car insurance, will my rates go up monthly? I've been told different things like, If the car was not moving, the rates will not go up or They might . My car and home insurance is with Liberty Mutual, my deductible is 250$. Thank you. I'm calling them tomorrow on Monday since it's not a work day yet, but I'm anxious to see if I'll be able to get my friends belongings that were stolen payed for. That and my broken windshield ><""

Should I get the car insurance when i rent a car?

I dont own a car but i'm covered under my dad's car insurance. I'm planning on renting a car in a few days, but i'm wondering if i wil be covered under the car insurance when i get into an accident with a rental car. and in this situation should i get the extra car insurance that rental car companies offer?""

Got a ticket and insurance doubled NJ?

I got a ticket on my very first day of driving for an illegal left turn (one of those that you cant make during certain hours unless you are a resident of the street). I got the ticket with 3 points, i went to court and paid off all 3 points and got unsafe driving under my name hoping that it wouldn't affect my insurance, which was under my dads name (Allstate). Even with paying off the points my insurance still doubled. Now my question is, is there anything I can do to lower my insurance? Maybe I can take a course somewhere. Are me and my dad better off looking for a new insurance company? Maybe i should drop my car from my insurance and taking the bus again? If there isn't anything I can do, how long will it take for my insurance to drop again? Right now we are all in hard times and i made it much worse for my family, any help would be greatly appreciated.""

Car insurance in New Zealand?

Im thinking of moving to New Zealand. I would want a car at some point and don't know how much car insurence would cost. Im 19 been driving for a year and a half. No accidents, convictions etc?""

What Are some cheap insurance for 16 years old teen?

What are some insurances cheap California for a first time driver 16 years old teen? Wanted to add my own not to parents? Parents what are insurances your teen using in California ? Please list how much you pay or your teen and what's the insurance is called? Thanks

What is the estimated price of being added onto a parents car insurance?

i am 16 sorting out the finances of my future car and have noticed the unreal car insurance price for a little car such as a nissan almera and am thinking of going onto my parents car insurance.

""What company do you recommend for renters' insurance and why? Not state farm, they are pricks. Testimonials?

I need some affordable renters insurance. I live in MO and REFUSE to give those pricks at State Farm another dime. Who do y'all like for price and custoer service???

Why do men pay more for car insurance than women?

This fact is surely sexism based on pure stereotypes rather than relevant information such as the driver's history. Doesn't this just portray the stereotype that men are more irresponsible or 'risk takers' when it comes to driving? Why not base car insurance on ethnicity?

What's the best health insurance for a 19 yr. old?????

So here's the thing: I just turned nineteen last week, I'm no longer going to college, I have two part-time jobs. If I were still in college I'd be under my mother's insurance but that's not the case. And it's the law in Massachusetts (where I live) for every adult to have H. Insurance. So I'm in the process of quitting one of my part-time jobs. And the other doesn't give me benefits 'cause I'm part-time or whatever. So in the mean time I'm looking online, in newspapers, everywhere like crazy to find a good job that's full-time and gives me benefits that includes H.Insurance. So my question is what would be my best bet....Blue Cross Blue Shield, Pilgrims, what?! It has to be something affordable too right? 'Cause I'm no rich bank here. Please help.""

Can you have have insurance on 2 different cars with two different companies?

My car is in my mother in laws name, she lives in NC I live in SC. The car is being bought through a bank in NC, so it is also redgistered and insured in NC. Both of our names are covered on the insurance, but it is way too high for me to afford right now. She uses one insurance company and I usually use a different one because it is cheaper, so my question is, can she insure my car (thats in her name) through a different insurance company, and still keep her other cars on insured through her company?""

My dad says a 2 door car would be more on the insurance. Is this true? PLEASE ANSWER!!?

We went out looking for cars today and every 2 door car we saw he just kept walking by them. I dont know about him but Im a 2 door kind of guy. He said 2 door cars would be more Insurance. Is that true? I wanted to get this 2 door Cougar or maybe a 2000 or 2001 or 20003 Monte Carlo. WOuld that type of car add more to the Insurance? I really want the monte carlo. Im gonna be putting about $1400 down & the car cost no more than $5000.

How much do insurance csr's make in california?

I'm working as a receptionist at an insurance company and am thinking about staying in insurance long-term. How much do customer service reps generally make in CA? I've tried googling and the numbers I'm coming up with are very close to what I'm making as a receptionist, which cannot be correct. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!""

Having a baby in Texas with no insurance.?

My friends husband died 10 days ago, he had a family insurance which now comes invalid tomorrow. What can she do, she has no money to pay insurance and is 7 months pregnant. Is there some sort of welfare or social help ? There is maybe a possible payout from 401k insurance and she could use that money but it may not arive in time.""

Is it a legal requirement to carry your car insurance documentation at all times?

Okay, this is the second time i've asked a question in the last two days but this forum is really interesting and gets me thinking. While I was at University, I was driving innocently along when I realized I didn't have my lights on. At that PRECISE MOMENT, I saw blue flashing lights behind me and the police pulled me over. He asked ''Do you know why I pulled you over?'' and I said 'Yes sorry! I didn't have my lights on''. He then proceeded to put me in the back of his police car and ask me questions such as name, address, telephone number, mobile telephone number, height, weight etc.. which I believed to be innocent questions.. but then the questions kept going down a quite frankly rediculous route and he asked me ''hair colour, eye colour, what are you wearing?, where are you going? why are you going there? etc etc and I started to wonder if he was taking the mick. Then after all that he asked for my car insurance documentation and driving lisence and I said I didn't have any on me except my lisence. He looked at my lisence, wrote down some information and gave it back to me. He then said ''do you realize it is an offence not to carry your car insurance documents with you when asked to produce them at the roadside?''. Again I apologized and said that I had no idea that this was the case. He then gave me five days to produce my photo and counterpart driving lisence and car insurance documents at the local police station or I would be arrested for failing to produce documents on demand. He then asked me to provide a testimony which would be read in court if I didn't produce the documents and so I said ''I'm terribly sorry for any inconvenience''. He then let me out. Suffice to say, the next day I took my documents to the police station for inspection. Is this standard proceedure?""

Best health insurance for 22 yr old?

Okay so right now I have insurance through my job and the insurance really blows (for lack of a better term). Every time I go to the doctor I end up paying a couple hundred dollars for the tests they have to run (I'm a girl so I go once a year). Plus they don't cover hospital visits (had to go the emergency room and me insurance didn't pay a dime so I had to pay $500 out of pocket for the visit). So I was looking into getting my own insurance but I am not sure which one I should get. I live in Arizona and I am a 22 year old female. The only time I go to the doctor is for my yearly gyno visit and if something is really wrong (which is very rare). I would also like a vision and dental with it too since I go to the dentist once a year along with going to the eye doctor. So any suggestions would be nice :) Thank you in advance.

What are some insurance rates for 18 year old drivers?

I know there are multiple factors counted into insurance rates, including age, driving history, car, year. But I just want to know what's some insurance rates other teenage drivers had. Please state what type of car and how much you paid for insurance. Include whether you lived in the city or a rural area also. Thanks""

Where do i get the best deal on car insurance?

i`ve just finnished a six year ban and i`m looking too get back on the road legal...but i`m finding it difficult too get affordable insurance

Looking for health insurance for children?

I have a friend , a single mother of 2, is looking is looking for an affordable health insurance for her kids - 8 and 10. The mother is 46, with Graves Disease and require her to ...show more""

Using a po box in license for cheap car insurance?

I live in the bronx but car insurance for me is like 660 a month... that's impossible to make... I wanted to go with Statefarm... I was using a po box in Yonkers, tuckahoe 20 mins away and it dropped to 220 a month with more then just liability coverage ... the po box isn't on the street it's a ups street address.. the guy told me people do it all the time but I just wanted to be sure.. does Statefarm ask for proof of address.... like bill of con Ed which Im only 17 btw.... I work so I was going to change my address on my check I receive to the Yonkers address and my debit card address also.. and ofcourse I was going to make that my address in my license.... I know brokers will give you insurance with any addres but will it be good the 6 months or will they contact me a month or so with asking for info abt my addres... will it work is the question if it's in on my license and I say that's where I live.. I'm 17 so I don't have credit... also has anyone ever done this?? no stupid answers""

Does www.canyonlandsaz.com have the best auto insurance rates?

Does www.canyonlandsaz.com have the best auto insurance rates?

Car Insurance help!?!?

I have got insurance with EGG and i had a non-fault accident and have got a claim going through. The car isn't drivable, I have got another car is there any chance i can switch my insurance from my old car to my new car making sure my old car insurance claim goes through???""

Why is classic car insurance more?

For a teen I mean. I know these types of cars need special insurance companies but these special companies don't take 18 year old drivers.     I'm currently parting out a 76 camaro with a tired 250 v6 so it's not fast in any ways. Though it is still called a sports coupe. so I was curious and got a quote and they quoted me $550 a month.    strange thing is my friend drives an 04 rsx that's standard (the camaro is auto)  and pays the same rate monthly under his parents. What are the factors that determine these rates? safety? engine size? the amount of damage they do? I had a 03 civic coupe (standard) briefly and was paying $260 a month under my parents insurance. According to the insurance company"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can get quotes from different companies:""

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/08-mitsubishi-lancer-de-scion-tc-first-car-harry-diaz"