#brief appearance for other characters so im not tagging them

[peranbe-kadhal]

FOLKSSS I MADE ITTT

This is my sideblog, my main is @everyday-is-brighter-with-you

Let me know what you think please!! The credits for the artists and game shown in the video are below in the Youtube description.

I could not use every single art I asked permission for, but I managed to use atleast one piece from every artist asked. I decided to switch from nightcore to the original length song to allow better appreciation of the art, over a longer length.

Also, you might notice some lyrics are altered in a plausible way, it's intentional.

Tagging people who asked to be shown the video or expressed strong interest!:

@automaticfestivalbearpizza

@gloucester-carousel

@noroalia

@realuity

@lemonzone

@capos-devotion-burger

@themonster-under-your-bed

@clt-classix

@labbildung

[gooopy]

LOOK AT MY SELF INSERT BOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cringe is dead i can do whatever i want FOREVER and that includes making a character to beat scout tf2 to death with my own two fists

[dorims]

last christmas (i gave you my heart).

gif creds @/fightingdragonswithwho

pairing. roman roy x reader

wc. 1.6k

genre. fluff

Spending every holiday under Logan Roy’s roof wasn’t necessarily a problem. But just like any other family gathering, the pot tended to be stirred until have a holly jolly Christmas sounded either like a call for help or the theme song from the Saw franchise. for a change, maybe spending christmas away from his family would do him good. you can only hope he agrees.

tags. NOT beta-ed(?), english isn't my first language // established relationship (fiancee/married, i havent decided yet lol), brief mention of alcohol, allusion to roy family dynamics, roman and reader are the only characters in this one

a/n. idc that its march and the fact im not big on christmas either, this one really fun to write! hope you enjoy

“So,” You test the waters, lathering the bristles of your toothbrush with the bubblegum toothpaste in the process. In tune with the routine you had wordlessly established, you locked eyes with him through the mirror. Not before letting your eyes roam over his relaxed figure of course. Surprisingly intimate, you would describe the way he liked to watch you while you finished your nightly routine. He would look so painfully comfortable, maybe even serene, as he let his body rest against the doorframe as his eyes lidded with perpetual fatigue, took in the mundanity of watching you lather your face with creams and face wash.“I’ve been thinking.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, though it sounded more like a stifled laugh. “That's new, how's that going for you?"

“Funny.” The foam in your mouth was of no help at conveying the faux annoyance, balancing out the deadpan you sported with a dose of conveniently muffled speech. Not intimidating at all, it only caused his grin to grow wider. And contagious as always, you leaned over the sink to spit the toothpaste in an attempt to hide a smile of your own, though the thick layer of adoration in your eyes gave it away. 

“I’m just saying,” he raised his hands in mock surrender, finally walking inside to lean against the marble counter right next to you. “I only wanna know how it feels to lose your, you know, thinking virginity after giving no signs of brain activity for how long? Like—“

“You can tell yourself how it feels when you lose it.”

“Oh you want to fuck my brain so bad—“

“I’ve been thinking,” You cut him off with an amused smile, taking him in once more. Big round eyes shone with mischief along a hint of sheepishness as he noticed you looking at him. Really looking at him under the vanity lights with messy hair from running his hands through the strands all day and finally wearing the matching pajamas set you had gotten for him in a pretty navy blue because wearing a matching set made you feel good and you wanted him to feel the same way. Always. 

“You've been thinking…” he rolled his eyes as if to hold back another quip now that you had restarted the conversation. The pinkish hue you were so familiar with made a small appearance as you let your fingers brush over his, gently coaxing him to intertwine his hands with yours. Not that he needed much convincing, though. 

“We should spend Christmas this year with my family.”

At the beginning of your relationship, you were sure he would’ve pulled his hand out of your grasp. You could see the way he had to swallow down the urge to do so from the pensive furrow of his brows while the side of his brain in charge of his critical thinking tried to convince him that your words weren’t an attack on his family. He was still working on it, the lousy therapy sessions here and there helped a little, but he still found himself opening his mouth to complain.

“I know what you’re gonna say but think about it, Romeo.” Thankfully, you took the steering wheel before he could start. “My family loves you and we haven’t spent Christmas with them in like, ever, actually.”

Which wasn’t his fault, and you made sure to tell him so, leaning closer until your knee touched his and giving him a quick peck on his lips before he could protest.

Spending every holiday under Logan Roy’s roof wasn’t necessarily a problem. It was nice to exist alongside the people that Roman loves, the people he grew up around. Watching him interact with his siblings could be endearing. So much so that sometimes you wished you could record their banter and laughter so he could listen back and for a moment picture that things between them were okay. But just like any other family gathering, the pot tended to be stirred until have a holly jolly Christmas sounded either like a call for help or the theme song from the Saw franchise.

“Every year we celebrate in a different place,” you toyed with the idea in front of his eyes like one would a cat’s toy, using your smile to build momentum to the grand reveal that at this point didn’t even sound grand to you. “last Christmas was Italy and this year we’re doing Greece.”

“Since when do you have a house in Greece?” He asked, toying with your fingers as his gaze locked itself on them. It was a good sign he was asking.

“We don’t,” the sound of your animated chuckle helped to loosen his shoulders. Though it didn’t dissipate his slight confusion, it always felt good to have you close like this. “It’s Kelly’s house— eh, her parents’ but sharing is caring or whatever…”

He let out a chuckle of his own. The sound made all sorts of warmth bloom in your chest, maybe even cute aggression if you felt like being dramatic. 

“And after we can spend New Year's just the two of us wherever you want.” He shrugged in a silent response, still pensive, and you couldn’t help but coo at him as if to coax him out of his shell. “It’s gonna be so much fun, they’ve been asking about us and the kids adore you, they’ve been obsessed with Uncle Roro ever since Lizzie’s birthday.”

“As they should be, my lower back never recovered from being used as a human jungle gym.” He rolled his eyes at the memory yet the love was evident from behind the thinly veiled sarcasm. He was a very particular individual but so were most of your siblings-in-law. And sure, the first time he met your family hadn’t gone as he expected, both in a good way and in a bad way, but your mother still asked him to join him for a glass of whiskey whenever they crossed paths with a welcoming smile and your father always hugged him in greeting like he did all his children. 

“You’re good with them,” You smiled against his lips as you leaned closer for a kiss, leaving a couple of pecks that eventually made him smile too. “you’ve always been good with kids.” 

“Yeah whatever, stop kissing me my breath stinks.” 

The way your brothers had instantly included him in their weird boys' night out, which was ruled by the obnoxiously corny motto ‘what happens in boys' night, stays in boy’s night’ that was used as a smoke screen for that one time they decided to go to the spa to never be taken seriously again once they swallowed their own stupidity, left you grinning for a week straight. And let's not start with the picture you had taken during a summer trip to Nice of all the daughters-in-law posing like they were celebrating their high school prom with Roman at the front of the line, it had been all laughter all throughout; the picture came out a little blurry. 

It’s all you could think about sometimes when you watched him doing nothing interesting in particular with a lovesick intensity only rivaled by his. How well he fits in your life, with the quips and interjections that kept you company and next to you on your shared bed. With both your slippers sitting neatly side by side and with the unmeasurable love pooling at the bottom of his chest that he had finally allowed himself to unabashedly share after who knows how long. 

“Can you pass me your headband? I need to wash my face.”

He insisted yours was better every time you told him he should buy one of his own. Even if he hadn’t tried any other than yours. You only let it pass because he looked cute with his hair pushed back. No other reason at all. 

“So,” you cut yourself by giving him a peck on the lips as he got closer to steal some face wash. He had his own on his side of the bathroom but the bottle was pretty much full and yours still ran out quicker than when it was just you. “Greece or no Greece?”

“I got chills, they’re multiplying.” He joked right before rinsing the soap from his face, chuckling at your lack of amusement. “What? You prefer right now there’s nowhere to hide since you pushed my love aside?”

“I prefer you answer my question.” 

The eyes of a kicked puppy on full display just put him out of his misery vibes, pleaded in silence as he dragged his feet across the floor until he was standing right in between your legs, his face hiding in the crook of your neck. He fit nicely against your body and instinctively you let your fingers brush along the strands of his hair. “It’s okay if you don’t want to go.” 

He groaned in response, his voice muffled against your skin. “It’s not that, I want to, I just— I already RSVP or whatever bullshit to my Dad.”

No one RSVP’ed to Logan Roy. Especially not his children. It wasn’t necessary when the table was already set for all parties involved regardless of conflicting schedules 

“That’s okay,” You kiss his hair, resting your cheek against his head and muffling your own voice. The vibrations made him hum. “I can talk to him.”

The disheveled strands tickled your skin as he shook his head. Now that his chin was resting on your chest you noticed how cartoonishly slow he was blinking, his lids heavy the weight of being awake for far too long. 

“I’ll talk to him.” He pressed a kiss against the side of your jaw, feeling the unmistakable excitement of your grin, before hiding the yawn that followed. “Tomorrow, I promise.

[spacexseven]

sorry for the late reply! And to answer some of your questions in the tags, it’s actually all three. A “final girl” is a basically a trope that means a character (usually protagonist) that is “pure, feminine, and the victim” during a horror film. They’re usually a victim of chance or have a distant past connection to the killer. Be it their intelligence, connection, or simply pure luck, the final girl is able to avoid death until the end where: 1) they survive to the end and defeat their killer 2) they escape or 3) they die regardless. I was thinking of killer! yan bsd, but I was also intrigued with a victim/final girl! bsd. An example of an idea that’s currently plaguing my mind is Final Girl! Nikolai. I liked the idea of a serial killer targeting magician/or whimsical (maybe ability users) people and choosing nikolai as target. cat and mouse chase, and they end getting the drop on him (how? idk). Its kinda a slow burn horror, but regardless nikolai fights back. this is a gist and example. Tuna, i’m so sorry about throwing this ramble dump at you. 🙈 this is just an idea, nothing you actually have to do. im just happy sharing this with you - 🦄

ahahahaha....there was a lot i had to say about this, but i kept it as brief as i could because i Might...might do a series/oneshot w this au. Maybe </3 thank you for sharing this gem of an idea i am very excited to dig in nomnomnom. tagged under 'sk reader au 🐟'

gn! reader, is a serial killer & implied to have an ability that can 'collect' other abilities. can be read as a yandere reader.

cw: stalking, murder, violence

ability users are fascinating little things.

especially when they try everything in their power to stay alive. it's a wonderful sight, to see those that always stood above regular people, to see those regarded as gifted, desperately attempt to survive. there was something intoxicating about holding power above the same ability users that were feared by all.

but your interest was less in the users and more in the ability itself.

there was a lot you hoped to learn about abilities, regardless of the type. there must be a reason as to why some were sentient, why some were so much more powerful than others, why some were uncontrollable, and the best way to learn, was of course, through the ability itself. you were willing to do anything to satisfy your curiousity, even if it meant the user had to die for their abilities to join your collection.

you had fond memories with all of them; flawless made for an exhilarating fight, always a step ahead until you sunk your claws into the frightened figure of a dark-eyed ability user, rashōmon was unique, the dark mass almost besting you, but, in the end, you stood victorious over a sickly body—even if you hadn't gone after it, this was an ability that wasn't meant to survive for long, and you liked to think that it was for the best that it joined you instead of disappearing with its user. and of course, discourse on decadence was unforgettable. you remembered it belonged to some goverment agent who was hot on your trail—it was the closest anyone came to stopping you—and your most recent kill.

usually, you didn't like picking favorites. each ability was fascinating and unique in its own way, but it was undeniable that one in particular stood out to you.

the overcoat was an interesting ability. at first sight, it appeared quite simple, but you had viewed it in action too many times to know just how frightening it was. how easy it was to turn it into a lethal weapon—to reach in and twist out a limb or to drain out the blood from a vein. the seemingly unlimited potential of the ability, however, was only one of the aspects that intrigued you.

generally, you've never cared for the users as much as you did their abilities. while you enjoyed the brutal torture you made them suffer, and you liked hunting them down, they always came secondary to their abilities. you didn't care to know their names or their personal stories. despite all that, a name—nikolai gogol—had made his way on your list of targets, scrawled next to his ability.

it'd only take you a minute to identify nikolai in a sea of people.

whether he had the scar over his eye showing or hidden, whether he was wearing glasses or colored contacts, no matter what wig he wore or how ordinary he tried to look, you would immediately be able to point him out. no disguise, no false identity could hide him from you—you know this because he's tried, many times now, to fool you. but you've always known it was him, from the slightest strain of his voice when disguised, the unsettling blankness in his gaze when he looked at you, the subtle upturn of his lips when he approached you. you knew it was him from the way he titled his head when asking you a question, the way he said your name, and even the syllables he stressed when he spoke.

he approached you first as a police officer, then as a detective, a local politician, and even an assassin. You had already noted down each encounter you had with him, the details of each false identity, and what you had learned from it. it was a feat in itself that nikolai had survived so many encounters with you. perhaps it was because of your growing obsession with him,

(somehow, you always knew that your last victim would be nikolai. he'd be a fitting end for your legacy, as the ability user who had been watching you from the very start. the only ability user you could see as more than a shell for his powers. the only one who escaped you once.)

initially, you believed that nikolai followed you around for self-driven justice, to punish you for your crimes. (the policeman getup convinced you of that much), but instead of lunging at you, he watched, enraptured, as you stole the perfect crime, and he followed you closely as you stalked the user of falling camellia, doing nothing to stop you either time. and every time after that, be it walking past him in the busy streets of yokohama or meeting him as your taxi driver, nikolai had yet to try and expose your crimes and exact revenge. he never held a blade up to your throat, never used the very frightening ability of his on you.

his passivity, however, did nothing to quench your bloodthirst.

it was you who attacked him first.

you're no stranger to hunting down your prey. it was something you anticipated now, the sound of footsteps making their way around corners, the sight of shaking shoulders and trembling hands as they hid behind walls, the way fear consumed them when you finally cornered them; you relished in the hunt as much as you did the result.

nikolai doesn't make it much of a hunt. he's quick, with his coat fluttering around him. his footsteps, you remember, are light and quick, his breathing staggered as he laughed wildly. he snatches up your gun with a hand through his coat, and shoots blindly. there is despair consuming his mind, no panic climbing up his spine. his heart rate accelerates not out of fear, but out of thrill, and he looks at you with unrestrained elation. this was no hunt, nikolai wasn't hiding from you—this was a chase. just as you approached a dead end, and you think you can finally, finally, shove him into a corner, nikolai turns to smile at you one last time, before disappearing into a flurry of his coat. as you stand alone, a dark glove laid on the floor ahead of you catches your attention; his glove might have caught on a jagged end and fallen, you think. after cleaning up his mess, you silently pocket it, still haunted by that uninhibited look and that devilish grin.

nikolai is everywhere after that, taunting you.

he sits across you from the train, he takes your order in a restaurant, he applauds you from a distance, after watching you drag away yet another body, congratulating you on another successful kill.

"next time," he smiles at you, all coy and enticing, "i hope it's me."

you hope so too, but you don't let him have the pleasure of knowing that. the scowl on your blood-streaked face sends him spinning away in giggles.

it wasn't the next time, but after a few more dead bodies and many more warnings about your work are played on the news, you meet nikolai again. nikolai gogol is no easy prey, but you're not one to be bested twice. this time, you don't let him run. you're finally on top of him, blood pooling out of where your knife was stuck in his thigh, his coat ripped off him and abandoned somewhere else. it would be so easy to kill him now, so easy to watch him bleed out and claim his ability as yours, but for the first time, you hesitated on delivering the killing blow.

this time, it's not the ability you're after, is it?

[monstrouslyobsessed]

super late but im finally answering some asks~

tw / tags: heavy heavy beastfolk lore/worldbuilding talk, momster talks too fucking much, sex work, long post, beastfolk / beastfolks characters mentioned: cerelos, brief mention of revius, red, implied mentions of papa bull and duke

When are you going to post? (I apologize if this sounds rude,I'm really curious but that isn't an excuse🙁) —anonymous

ahhh, nah you're good. sorry, writer's block was notoriously bad the past few months, with me not being happy with anything i produced :\ i always thought of yall and this blog of mine though! i wanted to give you my best, than my worst if i could. yall are too sweet for me to halfass anything tbh.

just rest assured that i am still around, just slow as a snail 😭

(also, life. stressing about adulthood as usual.)

Does Cerelos shed his horns? Like bucks and moose do?🫎🦌 —anonymous

hmmm, yes in his youth. but when he got older and became more experienced with his magic, he probably made his crowned horns permanent. i don't believe he really enjoyed the awful burning, itching sensations that came with shedding (and yuck, imagine how bloody the velvet would be on anyone's head!) and he'd consider himself to look very undignified without his majestic antlers before his people. he's arrogant and strict about keeping his appearance on point in front of everyone that isn't his darling.

shedding also applies to those with just one horn as well (revius), not strictly just those with antlers.

tbf the equestrians would consider the first shedding the rite of passage and would encourage more sheds as they gets older, to better develop their growth and magic in general, before they'd seek ways to permanently stop the shedding. i kinda imagine that constantly growing new horns would take a lot of calcium, proteins, and other nutrients that it's not advised to keep shedding when they are no longer young adults as well.

hope this answered!

rest is under the cut due to the length and implied adult subjects.

IK this is kinda whack for me to say…but I was watching Spirited Away by Ghibili and there was a few brief scenes where they show how busy the bathhouse is. And I’m in were the cute giant duckies 🐥 and I wanted to clean brush and cuddle em so bad that it strangely reminded me of your beastverse 🙈 So like does that exist where humans are allowed to work in bath houses and wash up beadtfolk? 🧼🧽🧴🫧 And not in even a sexual undertone though I assume some businesses do offer additional services just like irl. Idk I just kinda wanna bathe brush and cuddle super fluffy animals if they’d permit me 🙈 This is how I find my future hubby or something if I lived in your world. I’m such a degenerate 🫡 —anonymous

well, while there are brothels, there are also salons where the beastfolks employ humans for their smaller (and less dangerous) hands to better groom the clients. funny that you mentioned that lol because i thought about the salon ages ago but i just never found any room to talk about it in general until now.

but anyway, most of them are, or were in history, just fronts for "special services" in the midst of the then-super conservative towns fresh after the post-zoo breakout eras where both beastfolks and humans were struggling to learn to live among each other unharmed.

the brothels back then that featured both human and beastfolks employees were often made 'illegal'—especially since any sort of intimate relations were looked at negatively. this is the era where the possibility of humans bearing/providing full beastfolk was being "discovered", still, while being scoffed at. by being discovered, i mean both sides would soon realize it's not a talltale passed down by their ancestors and history books. so the 'salons' were the answer to that, offering special services catering to both sides.

that said, there were and are some genuine salons that provided only beauty services. probably commonly run by immigrants wanting to support their families and to help the parent (typically single mothers) in need, regardless of their species. i do imagine it would be pretty common to see very…strong-headed owners defending their employees from very unsavory clients too, since the salons back then would have an unfortunate correlation with those that provided sex services.

in short, the salons were essentially the massage parlors of our reality (the ones that featured 'special services', i mean). however, i considered massage parlors that featured both beastfolks and humans a bit…farfetched due to their strength differences that wouldn't work well for the other side (for example, a lioness would probably break a human's spine, while a human's attempt would be too weak for, say, a gorilla's). not to say that the massage parlors don't exist in the beastfolk au, because they do! but i don't believe having employees from both sides would be a common feature in the massage parlor, and i'm sure it's not uncommon to see them offering their own special services but it'd be limited to their own race/subspecies for the most parts.

so i decided that the salons would fit best and would probably be one of the common precursors to the idea that both humans and beastfolks can live in relative harmony. why? because the employees, and typically just the employees, as some employers are/were often…not good people in these special salons, commonly formed a tightknit bond for various reasons, typically stemming from the time spent together, since teamwork is often a necessary factor to groom a client (especially if the client is of much larger stature).

the salon was a great place to be to get some culture shock, tbh, back then, to see both sides working together to perfect a client's appearance to their satisfaction. as the years pass, i'm sure that the happy ending salon (terms are still pending, but i'm just stealing from the existing ones atm lol) would soon be outnumbered by actual licensed salons that provided no such services beyond beauty-related.

bathhouses are typically self-service in this au, so the attendants often kept discreet with their jobs while still respecting the privacy of their patrons. i imagine most of the beastfolks prefer their privacy (since some can be aggressive, more so when their families are there). if there are drinks and foods being delivered, the attendant would typically drop them off at the entryway and disappear.

meanwhile, the salons would have the employees on site, mingling and chattering with their clients.

in the modern era, the salon typically would hire just about anyone, those without an independent card included, and someone would often take it upon themselves to mentor the beginners. there are regulations that tried to make things harder for the owners, but well, those who experienced struggles and poverty in the past typically do not give a flying shit about the politics. this such culture tends to carry through countless individually-owned salons.

i can go on, really.

tbh, meeting your soulmate in the beauty salon is probably one of the most wholesome (and safe) ways you can get. security is practically in every corner, protective of one other and especially their little humans.

honestly, if you really want to, just ask your beastfolk spouse to take you to a bathhouse. the bathhouse often have a huge family culture and unlike our pitiful reality in the good ol' murica, the bathhouses are pretty much everywhere, though some do take a bit of drive. they never died out the way ours did in our history. some beastfolks are just too big to be comfortable relaxing in the bathtub in the common household bathrooms, so the demands for the bathhouses are still there in the au and would likely always be. and without a doubt, grooming is hugely embraced among the beastfolks, so they'd most definitely love it when their little human groom them (to the best to their ability, at least!).

i talked too much, so uhhh, i'll move on lol but hope this answered!! thanks for giving me the space to talk about the salons too <3

CURIOUS what do u think if a possible yandere wolf fish ORR ORR A LEMON SHARKKK i read somewhere they get possessive of divers they’re familiar wt —anonymous

i think i've wrote something similar ages ago, but the species is some kind of an eel mermaid, obsessed with the diver. here's the link. and i do have my red boi, he was based on sandbar shark! his darling was some rando surfer he kidnapped to his cove though. eel mermaid

red got a section of his own in my main masterlist, here.

idk if im up for another merman oc though lol and i'm still sorting out how things would go with the seafolk of my beastfolk au, when they are considered extremely dangerous even by the beastfolk's standard. but, wolf fish and lemon shark would be neat candidates to think about! though, wolf fish would be something straight out of a horror scifi and be a far more monstrous than the average beastfolk.

Thinking of being used by the bull beast folk at least once a week. It’s always sad when you can’t have something you want… —anonymous

same 😔 alas we can only dream…

omg i talked too much. sorry. 😔 thanks for you patience tho;;

[rishi-eel]

this

like, i honestly love the bad batch. i really do. the concept, the dynamic between the members, there are a lot of things that caught my interest and made me want to create content for them, which i started before the episodes were actually aired as part of season 7. but also... i have done so much in my interpretation of these characters to “make them work,” to the point where the things i love about them... are largely my own creation?

(for some background, the bad batch characters were created prior to tcw’s cancellation in 2013. the story reels for the bad batch arc were then released in 2015.

example of a scene from the story reels. as you can see, crosshair and wrecker share a similar skintone (which is... kind of brown? but in a weird ashy way) that’s noticeably lighter than that of kix and rex. then, there’s tech....

tech, the “smart clone,” who’s model is drastically lighter than the others, compared to other bad batch clones, and his features are even more eurocentric.

david filoni has said that the bad batch’s designs were modified for season 7 in order to make them look more than clones. which they do, compared to what they were originally meant to look like. all this to say that, with their clear imperfections and worrisome implications, the season 7 bad batch designs are the improved versions.)

now, i like to think that the members of the bad batch are, in majority, the result of random genetic mutations or equipment malfunctions. they are clones that “came out wrong” but still managed to be useful.

tech doesn’t have a mutation that “makes him smarter,” he’s just smaller and was taught various technical and scientific skills to compensate for his diminished strength.

crosshair has health issues that modified his appearance (elongated, narrow frame, lack of melanin in hair) but happened to be healthy enough to be a soldier and showed to have good spacial reasoning + other skills that were further honed in his training as a sniper.

wrecker would have been a normal clone, but his growth acceleration chamber burst, causing a pituitary tumor resulting in gigantism.

only hunter results from purposeful modification of the clones’ genetic template. genes were sourced from other species in order to give him enhanced senses. the changes in his appearance are an accidental side effect from playing around with his genes. (after all, hunter is “only” a prototype)

of course, these are just my thoughts and interpretations. canon, but especially promotional publications, push this idea of the bad batch as each having a special skill that results from genetic modifications. it’s gimmicky, it’s easy to explain, but it’s also very unnerving when these implied “improved clones” come with lightened skin and erocentric features.

Tea Time With Hawk ☕️🦅

The Bad Batch was... badly designed

If you like the Bad Batch & aren’t open to reading a critical look into their design, don’t read this.

So I’ve already written about The Clone Wars and the issues with Tup and Rex’s character designs. For me, these aren’t reasons enough for me to dislike their characters as a whole (although I refuse to draw Tup’s tattoo when I do draw him).

With the Bad Batch though... I really don’t like them. I don’t want to draw them. Their designs make me uncomfortable, and for two reasons other than just the designs themselves:

1. The Bad Batch was designed for the newest and latest season of TCW, meaning those involved in the creation and in the direction of the Star Wars Umiverse in general are aware of issues brought up in the last decade about POC representation and racism in Star Wars (I say this because it’s been widely talked about, especially after the sequel movies premiered).

2. These characters were introduced specifically as a backdoor pilot for their own series. If the reception to them hadn’t been as good, the Bad Batch series probably wouldn’t have been greenlighted (this is something done in Hollywood in general, not a specific Disney thing). The problem isn’t that they were created in mind to have a series about them, but that these clones have the most whitewashed appearance and were chosen to be the focus of a new series.

So, on to a closer look at exactly what I find issue with these characters.

Crosshair: why the fuck does the sharpshooter look like a white man (this is nothing against white men, but he is supposed to be the CLONE of a BROWN MAN). EVERYTHING about him is changed so drastically that it doesn’t even look like they used the base model of a clone for him.

For comparison:

Top photo is Crosshair. Bottom three are Fives, Jester, and Echo (after the Citadel, which I’ll get to).

Crosshair’s jaw structure is angular and his cheekbones more vertical and prominent. His hairline is more rigid, his hair is white, and with the painting details you can see it is mean to be straight. His nose is so much narrower it’s as if he had a nose job done. Even his lip shape is smaller, which is ridiculous seeing as the clones already have such thin lips. His eyebrows are thinner and less bold. All these are pbviously changed even when comparing to Echo, who is meant to be thin in malnourished in that picture.

Crosshair’s mutation goes further than being a great sharpshooter. They literally made him into a white man.

And then I wonder why he seems to be the most popular of the Bad Batch members in the fandom... sigh.

Tech: again, it looks as if they used a whole different base structure than the normal clones. So here we have his “desirable mutation” meaning he’s incredibly smart. He is shorter and less built than the other clones, his hair is lightened, his nose narrower, his jaw narrower and less square... the changes aren’t as drastic as with Crosshair, but he’s still changed to fit more Eurocentric features. Tech is also much shorter than all the other clones? Idk personally I found that strange and unnecessary cause it not only adds to “nerds are smaller” stereotypes, but more troubling, it subtly pushes the notion that the larger brown men are not as smart as the smaller whitewashed man.

Wrecker: I can’t even begin to describe how animalistic they make him seem in comparison to the previous two. While Crosshair and Tech’s mutations are more mental and refined and thus they are given Eurocentric features... Wrecker’s mutation focuses on brute strength and yet he retains the more typical clone features of the show. Yeah idk just look at the picture and the way he acts in the show. He’s better than the first two but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hunter: okay enhancing his senses is... fine. Honestly he’s the least problematic in my opinion. But like... they were not subtle in trying to make him like Rambo. His hair, his facial features, even the bandana. He’s not as whitewashed as Crosshair or Tech, but he is obviously modeled after Sylvester Stalone, who y’know is a white guy.

And then they have Echo elevated to the Bad Batch. @thatfunkyopossum made an art that pointed it out best, but there isn’t really an excuse for how much paler they made his skin. Yes brown skinned people can and do get darker or lighter based on seasons but like... we don’t just lose all our melanin and become completely white if we never get sunlight. I hope they give him some color back for this sequel 😅

So yeah. The Bad Batch makes me extremely uncomfortable as a whole, and you won’t see me creating stuff for them (I drew Hunter once for a friend but that’s the extent I’ll get involved with them). It’s fine if you do like them, like I’m not going to hate you or anything, but I did want to write this up because enough people were interested.

I am of course welcome to any discussion about it (both in agreement or disagreement) :) but if you start attacking anyone in reblogs I will not hesitate to block you.

[writinandcrying]

Fandoms I write about: BNHA (used to, no longer taking requests, check undercut for oneshots i did about the fandom!) • TMNT • ROTTMNT • THE ARCANA GAME • BEASTARS • MYSME • GENSHIN IMPACT

Any matchup regarding those fandoms will be posted under ______ x reader , or ______ match up

Art tag : commissions are open! if you wanna check some of my work and style click here

Currently taking in requests (scenarios and headcanons) for : TMNT, ROTTMNT, Not taking in requests at the moment for : MYSME, THE ARCANA, GENSHIN IMPACT, BNHA and BEASTARS

Match up information under the cut: askbox is currently CLOSED

Last updated: January 4th, 2024

Rules:

please make sure if askbox is open for match-ups before sending them, 1 asks with a description of yourself is more than enough.

What should I include on my description?

Sexuality / gender preference (if you aren’t comfortable with labels) Appearance: ( be brief on it, I rather know more about your personality than what kind of clothes you wear ) Personality: please include positive and negative traits, 3 of each are enough! If you know your MBTI and love language please: do share ! :) Hobbies and goals: which kind of movies do you like? What kind of goals do you have in future? Do you want kids? Want to travel the world? Have a dream job? Relationship info: how do you act on a relationship? What are your pet peeves/ deal breaker? What’s your love language? Feel free to add any other information you might feel important!

And please check if the askbox is open before sending in your request!

there are 1000 posts of incorrect quotes/shitposts posts for tmnt, honestly check the tag “giulia writes” or “tmnt x reader” and you will find it :)

note: i dont usually write character x character, mostly confortable with character x reader! Not comfortable with “yandere” scenarios (personal preference) Im not writing about abuse, r*pe or incest situations (this goes especially for tmnt)

( match ups under tag “ beastars matchup”)

Bisexual Juno Headcanon (shitpost)

Louis Headcanon - season 1 x season 2 (shitpost)

bnha posts were made around 2019, so beware the writing might not be... the best. here the link for the complete masterlist

( match ups under tag “Genshin impact matchup”)

Cryo Vision holder x Pyro Characters - Your hands are so cold! - headcanon - WIP

( match ups under tag “Rottmnt matchup”)

Link to main tmnt / rottmnt masterlist

( match ups under tag “Tmnt matchup”)

Link to main tmnt / rottmnt masterlist

( match ups under tag “Arcana matchup”)

Headcanon - Injured Reader - Asra x Reader / Julian x reader

if you have any questions please feel free to ask!

my favorite posts (not mine)

AO3 LINK

[ao3feed-crimeboys]

… AND THE WORLD GOES BLIND.

by Mothlamp

It was as they were walking down the deserted sidewalk of the second district, with all its closed down shops and boarded up windows, that Compulsion spotted them.

Or… rather, it was then that Dream spotted Compulsion. The older man’s arm shot out suddenly and grabbed Tommy by the arm. He turned to look at his mentor, but Dream wasn’t looking at him.

He was looking up. Tommy followed his gaze up, searching the dark rooftops. There. Crouching by the edge of one was a man. Watching them. The air was still for a brief, but tense moment. It was a brief moment of momentary peace, as the prey realised it had been spotted by a lurking predator ready to pounce at any moment. Tommy inhaled silently when-

“Run.”

///

When the Number Three Hero Compulsion looses his job following the death of his sidekick and brother the Red Whisper, there is only one thing on his mind: Revenge.

Luckily for him, it appears as though the villainous Daydream just stepped out into the limelight with his own sidekick- Nightmare.

(TOMMY’S POV)

Words: 7606, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Dream SMP, Video Blogging RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen

Characters: TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF)

Relationships: Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Hero Wilbur Soot, but because of, Unreliable Narrator, he more so appears to be, Villain Wilbur Soot, wait omg hold on, Former Hero Wilbur Soot, ok that wasnt a tag nvm, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot is Not Okay, TommyInnit is Not Okay (Video Blogging RPF), Scared TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dark Wilbur Soot, Dark TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Fuck YEaHHH, BAMF TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), he just needs a moment okay, Siren Wilbur Soot, Siren TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, also as a part of a prompt event, go me being social with other writers woo, oh shit i nearly forgot, Near Death Experiences, Blood and Violence, Worldbuilding, the siren lore i made up makes me so excited, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, sorry tags are a mess ill fix them later, Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, that’s an oxymoron if i’ve ever seen one LMAO, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), no beta we die, these tags are so messy im so sorry

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/41059635

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we��re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[rurifangirl]

For the character ask thingie <3

Syndra

Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

Kayn

What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

Hwkskkskwkd aight letsa go

🥀Syndra-

So about her family, I kinda wanted to keep It secret for now but yeah, fuck It, It had a pretty good relationship w her mom, for most of the time being. (This Is all from Syndras past life naturally)

They weren't that particulary close either, like It was more of a "Yeah you exist" kind of relationship rather than your normal mother relationship.

Her mother did influence however its later tendencies with weapons and in specifical swords, as her mother was a blacksmith, so most of the time It was helpin her out.

Nothing much Is needed to add, since I'm planning to also do another comic, but in a way or another Syndra is somewhat still grateful for its mothers ways, but would rarely even to this day mention or talk about her.

----------------------------------------------------------

I'd probably say street smart, put purely because Syndra never really relied on anyone for her part so basically it had to learn everythin by herself, both in her yokai and human life.

----------------------------------------------------------

Her shrine Is pretty much a normal one? I mean in theory, since It has its perks, such as the main patters being mainly reddish ones and having,like swords kinda everywhere, so that's that for instant.

She has many red lamps too and as such it gets onto a really pretty place durin the night. It doesn't have much variety in clothes other than, traditional ones, but she does have a wardrobe of vestes to use especially when training/trying stuff out.

All of her appereance is on her post ofc so I don't think I need to expand more on that, just that, she doesn't rly focus on brushin her hair so either the dumbass quartet has to help it or Syndras done 😭😭

----------------------------------------------------------

Absolutely, if anything she's the one that Is the most unsure about new things and would need a lot of time to get used to It. Even for the human thing this has happened. So Id say, hostile in that case. But suspicious in any other one.

🍇Kayn-

His manners are, polite/kind ones for sure. He's really self aware of, whatevers goin on with him so he'll try to seem the best he can especially with new people. As for the hero part, he could seem like the normal good guy person but I really don't agree w that.

Mainly because I've always seen Kayn as yes a gentle giant and all of that, but at the end of the day he still does MAJOR errors that led to even more horrible conclusions. Like im not talking really about Ruri in this case, but there's other perks that could've saved more people and even if knowin this, he didn't

. He'll try to get as many people as he can, but he knows his limits. And there's no going further that. So even if you'd call him an hero, he wouldn't agree with that. He ain't an hero. He's just, someone trying to avoid awful scenarios for sure and that's something, but he isn't trying to change the world.

He has still many things going on and things he still has to leave behind, so If anything he'll have to get even more development before anyone could call him an hero.

As for the hate thing, yeah Osho. And mabye Chisei but that's more of a gut-hate kind of thing. Other than that he dislikes other few people but really doesnt hate hate them.

----------------------------------------------------------

So idk If I ever mentioned It, but him n Ruri live in the same apartment, so they both kinda have their things around and there ain't a constant theme. Like for example there could be some idk, Bloody-themed stuff and then a bunch of plushies could be outta nowhere

As for the style anything goes for him really. He'd wear more comfy Styles though but only because they're comfortable to walk/live in, since this Is most of the reason why ya ain't seeing him going full goth or cyberpunk stuff.

----------------------------------------------------------

About weaknesses, well both that he's physically really, REALLY weak. Like terribly at that. And his kindness can still bring much trouble in specifical cases, n since he uses to get into trouble quite a lot that's the case. Even his paranoia/self worth can still get in the way though

Ahkdkkskd I've written a lot bout him so I'll try to be brief now

----------------------------------------------------------

Yes, he's pratically the most self concious of the whole gang, both because of bitch Is a tree and also because of his use into physical battles, so he knows that fully. He also knows how good he can also be w negotiation sometimes and can use that as a sort of advantage. But rarely would do so, just, he's vibin

Tags undercut;

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @damnfoxx @nadi-117 @dopesaladlady @ahmanetsmultifandom @audre-falrose

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[chick-from-nz]

Paper, Scissors, Rank (Ch: 10)

CHARACTER/PAIRING: Modern!Carrillo x Army!OC (slowburn?) 

WARNINGS: swearing, military talk/slang. Carrillo will not be narcos accurate as this is an AU. Some OC x OC. awkwardly written moments, flippy floppy points of view. OC’s are back baby. Sexaul tones/actions. Swapping between metric and imperial units lol

AUTHORS NOTE: holy hecka team im sorry for how long this took for me to get out, honestly this is just a whole heap of word vomit, barely any plot lol, Ash and Henry are not related so don't worry about anything weird going on,  i swear i have an addiction to the coffee cup (IYKYK), might have accidentally repeated a scene from a previous chapter lol. hope y'all enjoy

WORD COUNT: 7k (yeah idk how i wrote this much)

CHAPTER: 10  OF ?

TAG LIST (OPEN): @girlpornparadise @1zashreena1 @nicke0115 @allalngthewtchtower @lettherebrelight

The week continued without a hitch, while the tension between the two officers continued to grow, the awkwardness that occurred after their last incident never returned, a somewhat confusing signal that to Ash meant that the relationship between the two of them had changed for the better, at least that's what she predicted. She had lost count of the amount of times her mind had wandered back to the steamy moment in the kitchen,that and she often woke from her dreams wound up and teetering on the edge of release. She almost wished she had had the guts to push the bounds of the relationship and defile the kitchen that day, but she was sure that with the ever mounting tension between them that one day her wish might just come true

The outside loop of the property had become her best and latest distraction. Every morning she woke at the crack of dawn to run at least a few laps of her personally carved out track, exhausting both mind and body and taking her thoughts off the hunky officer that she shared a house with. While the runs were a peaceful place to clear her mind she couldn’t deny that her thoughts would reflect on the small moments shared between herself and her commanding officer since their jarring encounter in the kitchen. From the subtle brush of his hand against hers when she’d deliver him one of his many coffees throughout the day, to the soft wandering touch of his fingers along her hip as he made his way round her in the kitchen to grab something, each little thing seemed to have a more than professional meaning to the young officer now, it was as if there was an unspoken agreement that a line had been crossed, but neither one of them was ready to push the boundary to the extent they had once before, something that both frustrated and baffled her to no end. 

It was times like now, as she was running meters deep in the tree line, dodging branch after branch, that she wished she had the courage to go back in the gym. Her body still had tremors whenever she thought of working out, it seemed, much to her dismay, that the assault many weeks ago in the base gym had scared her to her core, an upsetting thought at that. 

Shaking herself from her thoughts Ash urged her legs to move faster, running at a speed akin to her level before the assault, many things were taken from her that day, the biggest loss she found was her fitness. There was nothing Ash loved more than working her body to the point of exertion and then pushing it just that little bit further, now she was lucky to even get half of her usual routine in before she was crouched in the grass hurling up whatever was in her stomach, or clutching her side that was sparking in varying degrees of pain depending on the day.  

Head spinning and stomach clenching she made her way back to the house at a moderate speed, only slowing when she had to key in her code to the front door to make her way inside. She made quick work of showering and getting ready for the day before heading to the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on and wait for the Colonel to get up for his day, something that was now a comforting routine for her. It seemed, like most mornings, that Ash would not be waiting long for her commanding officer to make an appearance from his office. 

It was as if the smell of coffee brought the aforementioned man from his room, as a mere few moments after the first cup was poured he graced Ash with his presence. The joys of living away from the rules and regulations of base and being the commanding officer of his own unit meant that the dress standards of a regular operation did not apply for the currently unnamed task force he had in play. While ranks and marks of respect were still very much ingrained in the team, albeit questionably with the junior officer currently in his presence, the standards he once held so high were relaxed in this environment. The states of dress were not complete uniform or daily working rigs, but instead were that of an office rig. While their boots were still polished to the highest of standards and their pants ironed pristinely their working shirts were foregone and replaced with that of a dark green t-shirt with the insignia of their respective ranks printed on the right side of their chest and ‘army’ printed on the left side of their chest. 

While many of the force would remark that every soldier looked their best in the ceremonial dress uniform above all else; Ash would say that she much preferred this look on the Colonel. While he still carried the grace and posture of a man who earned his rank it was nice to see him in a seemingly more relaxed state, although Ash was sure that would change when the rest of the team arrived and their sanctity of peace would be interrupted when the work actually came rolling in. 

She greeted him with a warm smile, holding his fresh cup of coffee out towards him, while her traitorous mind briefly wandered back to the way he had pressed her against the bench and lit the spark to the now raging fire within her days ago. Ash could not conceal the small delighted shiver that wracked her body when his hand briefly covered her own while he procured his cup, nor could she deny the rush of heat that trickled out from where their bodies touched to where she craved it most.  She might have thought it embarrassing, if not for the expression on Carrillo’s face which could only be described as a look of pure unadulterated primal desire that he was so obviously trying to suppress. 

They worked together in comfortable silence, both knew the routine for breakfast like the back of their hands by now, not much had changed since they had first stepped foot in the house nearly five weeks ago, yes Ash had finally healed and yes there was some odd relationship escalating between the two of them, but nothing felt more right to her than standing side by side with the notorious Colonel Carrillo cooking breakfast and stealing fleeting lust filled glances at him when she was positive she wouldn’t get caught, despite secretly hoping she would. 

Ash was first to finish breakfast which was not an unusual feat, whether it from eating ration packs and questionable food for weeks on end in training or just due to the fact that the food Carrillo cooked was some of the best she’d ever had, there was never a meal where food was left on her plate; hungry or not the food was always demolished, his cooking was just that good. Ash gathered her plate and started on the clean up, it was in how she was raised that the cook never did the washing up so with that she never allowed the handsome Colonel help out once he was finished, something he used to protest but now just brushed off with a thankful smile before he grabbed what was left of his coffee and left to his office without a trace. 

This morning however went a little bit differently from the rest. Instead of standing from his chair to take his leave Carrillo rounded the bench to stand opposite Ash, while there was maybe a few feet of space between them she was now hyper aware of his presence. If he were to step just that little bit closer to her she could perhaps throw caution to the wind and enact her deepest fantasy; determining how tight of a grasp he really had on that control of his. As if sensing her thoughts the Colonel took a step closer to her. For a moment she dared not breathe, least that be a give away to what she was really feeling, her heart was beating in an erratic melody inside her chest, threatening to burst out and proclaim its desires to the man in question. 

Ash jumped when a hand came to rest on the small of her back, it being the last thing she had expected to happen. The searing heat of his palm seeped through the thin layer of her shirt and burrowed deep within her muscles relaxing her more than she'd care to admit. She shot him a wide eyed questioning glance as he settled against her side, a raised brow and a brief half smile was all she got in return as he took a sip of what was left of the coffee in his right hand.

Ash tried to act nonchalant but internally she was battling her thoughts, she was unable to determine if there was some ulterior motive behind his actions or if he was genuinely interested in her but if the rumour mill was anything to go by, he was not the kind of man to fuck around with someone for a selfish reason. Ash just wished there was a way where she could get some kind of definitive reaction from him so she could finally sus out his true motive, what reaction she wanted she wasn’t quite sure but anything was better than their subtle touches and nearly there encounters. 

So lost in the mess that was her own thoughts Ash failed to recognise the almost pained thoughtful look on the officers’ face before he closed the rather small gap that was already between them, their bodies now seamlessly slotted against each other in a way that was intimate in ways it shouldn’t be, but craved secretly by the both of them. He was testing boundaries he wasn’t quite sure still even existed between them, he was just far too cautious to step a foot in the wrong direction and make the younger officer uncomfortable, he needed her on the team more than he needed her to be his; at least that's what he told himself.

Ash did not flinch nor shy away from the comforting weight of him against her side, not even when his hand lifted from its welcomed position on her lower back so he could reach around her left side to grab at the coffee pot. It was a move that made Ash want to so desperately cuddle up into his side while his arm was around her like that, there was just something about the quiet confidence and deliberate softness of his actions that drew her in more each day. With a calculated movement he drew his arm back towards himself, stepping briefly away from her to finish pouring his now fresh cup of coffee before once again reaching behind her to replace the glass pot back to its original spot.

Ash felt rather than heard him turn around to lean his back against the bench, she had refocused herself onto the task at hand to not let herself get carried away with the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ behind his actions. He was a man of very few words but the intent and weight behind his actions was always methodical and intentional, that was perhaps the only thing that Ash could rely on to find some truth behind his actions. She could feel his eyes on her the entire time she was washing the dishes, the heat of his eyes travelled the length of her body multiple times, stopping in the odd place here and there before continuing on their path. It was now as she was finishing up the final few utensils that she felt his eyes on her face, she felt her face heat up at the thought, no doubt blushing a deep shade if the small huff of amusement from her right was anything to go by. 

Ash didn’t glance his way until she felt a few short taps against her hip, when she did glance his way she nearly choked on her own spit. His feet were outstretched with one ridiculously glassy boot hooked over the other, accentuating the length of his legs and showing just how well he filled out the fatigues, in more than one place. His hips were resting against the edge of the bench with his left palm flat on the countertop, coffee cup discarded just a few centimeters away. The way his arm bent accentuated the unbridled strength beneath the skin that was toned from all those years of vigorous work. She was unsure how a man could look so intimidating yet enticing at the same time, all she knew was that if she was given the chance she would let this man further into her life in a heartbeat. When her eyes finally made their way to his face she was met with a smirk and an amused glint in his eye, there was absolutely no denying she had been caught checking him out, but at this point she was beyond hiding it. In the half second she took to admire his face he was already speaking, though she never heard a word of what was said because she was too caught up in the rich honeyed colour of his eyes. It was only when he tapped her hip once more than she snapped out of her trance.

“Ash” he spoke softly, the tone commanding yet captivating, drawing her in, “I’ll be in my officer working on posting forms for the team if you need me..” he trailed off for a moment, seemingly deep in thought before adding “for anything, anything at all” with a flirtatious smirk and a well timed wink. He grabbed his cup off the counter before strutting off in the direction of his office, leaving a stunned wordless Ash standing in the kitchen mouth agape and staring in his direction. 

“God do I need you. In my bed. Naked.Preferably” Ash muttered under her breath, silently thanking the gods that the man the comment was directed at had already departed leaving her to run her mouth uncontrollably, like she tended to do around the Colonel. Taking a shaky breath and picking up the dishes to place them away in their respectful places Ash felt her mind wander. There were many a time she had woken from dreams of being pressed against the kitchen counter or his desk while he was balls deep inside her whispering sweet nothings in her ears, but now these little flirty moments were making her want to act on the situations, no matter how unprofessional that may be. She stood up straight from putting a cup away under the counter and was struck with a wave of dizziness, suddenly wary she made her way to the couch lowering herself slowly before closing her eyes to let the room settle. More tired than she though she was she felt herself drift off slowly, this time not fighting it, she definitely needed the rest. 

----

The Colonel had to admit to himself that he was getting more and more worked up around the stubborn young officer he resided with. Whether it from her lust filled glances she threw his way when she thought he wasn’t looking, to the subtle fleeting touch she would grant him when handing him files or a new cup of coffee. Each and every little touch and smile she threw his way was getting under his skin, and as much as he prided himself on control and professionalism, he wasn’t sure how much longer each was gonna last around her. There was just something about her that drew him in and made him want to throw out the years of by the book work he had done just for what could be the most rewarding relationship he would ever have.

He had left the kitchen warm all over from her touch, even the briefest brush against her side had been enough to heighten the ever mounting feelings he had for the girl, lust or otherwise. Deciding that doing paperwork in such a worked up state would only serve to make him more frustrated he decided that a workout in the home gym was exactly what he needed, it had already been a few days since his last workout and after cooping himself in his office it was definitely what he needed. As he made his way from his room intent on making it to the gym unnoticed his attention was drawn elsewhere. A soft sleepy sound came from the couch, too quiet for him to hear at this distance so he made slow quiet steps closer, not wanting to make a noise and accidentally wake the sleeping soldier who most definitely needed the rest.

Creeping closer to the noise just might has been his downfall, for when he got closer he noticed the frazzled state the girl was in. she was sweating and rolling round on the couch, seemingly uncomfortable, but just as he went to wake her. He froze. What he heard made his heart race, stomach dip and shorts become uncomfortably tight. The quietly moaned “Carrillo. Sir, please. Harder'' that escaped the sleeping girls’ mouth might have been the sweetest sound he’d heard his whole life. He let out a slow drawn out breath in an attempt to recenter himself, if anyone asked if he was affected by the words that tumbled out her mouth he would deny it at all cost, but his physical reaction to such words was something he couldn’t hide. Grunting lowly as he readjusted himself in his shorts he knew he needed to leave the room, the gym was now calling his name, as was the young officer on the couch before him, but that was a thought he needed to expel from his brain. He spun on his heel and headed for the gym, jamming his headphones in his ears and selecting one of the many pre-made workout playlists he had saved, he needed to focus on something other than the sweet sounds that fell from Ash’s mouth and the very prominent erection he currently had. Losing himself in a workout was the only way he knew how, so thats exactly what he did. 

--------

Ash was pretty sure she was stuck in a dream loop when the sounds of her dreams were suddenly plaguing her reality. Muted grunts and groans were echoing throughout the house, bouncing from one wall to the next and sending delighted shivers down her spine and a flurry heat straight to her core. She sat up abruptly, taking in her surroundings, there was only one or two places noises like those belonged, the gym or the bedroom, and given Carrillo’s bedroom door was wide open and she could see that the room was empty it clued her in to the fact that he was in the gym. The sudden bombardment of impure thoughts that clouded her now very awake brain were distracting to say the least, how often did one wake from a dream like she just encountered only for the exact scenario to practically be playing out in reality, whatever force was egging her on really knew how to play on her desires. 

Ash pushed up off the couch and wandered towards the gym on shaky legs, whether from the residual gratifying feelings of her dream or the current overwhelming sounds coming from the direction she was heading, she knew she had to get a grip on her feelings before she did something that could be considered dangerous. If Ash didn’t know there was a gym in their current residence she was sure there would be a string of jealousy coursing through her veins right now, the varying depths of the grunt and groans were a melody to her ears, ones she wish she could hear in another kind of physical situation. When she reached the open archway of the gym it was like all the air was sucked from her lungs, the sight before her like a devious punch to the gut. 

From where she was standing she had the utmost perfect view of the most virile man she’d ever seen. Drenched in a layer of sweat and huffing out the occasional grunt was Carrillo, delectably shirtless allowing Ash to drool at the tantalizing display of raw strength as the muscles bunched and twisted under his skin. There was no man on earth that could make bench pressing two hundred pounds look as easy as the Colonel did, the bulge of his biceps and bunch of his pecs as he brought the bar down had Ash subconsciously squeezing her legs together at the feelings it invoked in her, no man had the right to be that enticing, neither did the veins in his arms, which somehow seemed to become more prominent after each pass of the bar. Ash was glad for the fact she was leaning against a door frame for she was sure she would have either been on the floor or mounting the man before her if that was not the case. 

Ash only knew she had been staring too long when the room suddenly went quiet, so far in a hormone filled trace she had failed to notice her commanding officer stop exercising for a moment and sit up and watch her from his position. She felt the warm caress of his eyes take in her form from across the room, body heating further when she watched his tongue dart out across his lip before he delivered her a mind shattering smirk that made her knees weak and her pussy weaker. She watched as he stood from the bench, smirk still plastered on his face, and made his way in her direction, stopping short a mere few feet away. 

From this close Ash was able to watch entranced as a few drops of sweat trailed down from his temple and along the curve of his jaw before dripping onto his chest, flowing over the curved expanse of his pecs and further down his perfectly toned abdomen  to the waistband of his shorts. Shamefully, or maybe not, she let her eyes travel just that tad bit lower, barely concealing an unintentional moan of her own as the lasting effects of her dream combined with the tempting god of a man standing before her. Swallowing down the sounds that so desperately were trying to escape her throat she tilted her head back to meet the polished amber eyes of the walking heroine that was Carrillo. The richness of his eyes had been engulfed by the lust blown soulless depth of his pupils which were no doubt a positive reflection of her own enamoured gaze.

They stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity before he finally broke the silence with words that might just haunt her for the rest of her days, “I couldn’t help but overhear, nice dream there was it Ashy” he questioned with an all knowing gaze, a small jolt of pride flowing through him when he realised he had her perfectly pinned down by his words. He watched bemused as multiple emotions crossed the face of the woman before him, her face flushed as she tried to find the appropriate way to address what he had said, but instead she just stood there for a moment gaping like a fish, he almost wanted to make a comment about her using her mouth for something else but decided his previous comment was torture enough. 

“Sir, I..., oh my god...” she trailed off, turning to face slightly away from him in an attempt to hide her face, even though she knew he’d already caught her expression, it would be hard not to this close. She had never felt so simultaneously embarrassed yet turned on by a situation, damn him and his stupidly handsome face. Luckily for her it seemed that Carrillo had had enough with his teasing for now as he turned away to move to the open space in the gym, doing a few deliberately slow stretches to catch her eye, before starting on what she guessed was a core workout, not that he needed it from his figure. Frustrated both mentally and physically  Ash decided that she too should crack on with a workout to try and let out her tension in a way that didn’t involve jumping the bones of the only other person she lived with and further complicating the already questionable situation they had placed themselves in. 

She made her way towards the boxing bag hanging in the corner, stopping to sit down on a lone chair to untie and remove her boots and socks and roll up her pants to a more practical level, she debated briefly on taking off her shirt to workout in just her bra and pants but thought against adding more fuel to the already roaring fire between the two of them. She wrapped her hands with a practiced ease, eyes wandering over to the other side of the room to admire the view while she worked autonomously. It was like the universe was playing a cruel joke on her today as she watched the Colonel move gracefully from situps in to pushups, she could only imagine herself underneath him as he powered through the pushups like they were nothing, her mind, ever the traitor, briefly flashed back to the time she was once underneath him while he was in a similar position, oh how she now wished that towel of his had just slipped off and that damn phone hadn’t rang that day, although she was sure that moment had kickstarted whatever was now lingering between them. 

Finished with wrapping her hands and quietly admiring the shirtless hunk across the room Ash got up and began stretching out her muscles, it had been a while since she had done anything more than run around the edge of the property, so a full body workout such as this would do her in if she didn’t warm up her muscles beforehand.  She started with a few simple combinations on the bag that she knew like the back of her hand, having practiced since she was only young, from there she slowly increased the amount of punches and kicks per combination, so far in the zone she failed to see Carrillo leave, much to her future disappointment. 

She was unsure how long she had been going before an unusual cold feeling overtook her body, the shakes of her muscles were no longer that of exhaustion but that of what she would assume was fear, her vision was tunneling on the bag, heart rate increasing to beyond that of physical labor and onto something more. Stubborn to a fault Ash pushed on, shaking out her arms and legs ever now and then to rid herself of the ghostly feeling. It was after one particularly bone rattling kick that she felt a presence behind her, thinking it was the man of her desires she spun around, only to be met with an empty gym, shaking her head at her own stupidity, she carried on. After the third feeling of someone behind her and Ash checking and failing to find someone she felt her vision darkening, she was dizzy beyond belief, beginning to hyperventilate and shaking all over when she felt herself fall to the floor, seconds before impact she could have swore she heard a male voice whisper “This is for my brother bitch” before she succumbed to the darkness. 

--------

A wave of panic shot through the normally emotionally stealed man when he saw the younger officer lying on the floor shaking and babbling. He'd seen similar things before back in Columbia after raids had gone wrong and comrades had been killed, there was no doubt in his mind that the poor girl before him was suffering from flashbacks and potentially even PTSD, something he wouldn’t wish upon anyone with his dying breath. Bending down he carefully scooped Ash up into his arms, being careful not to jostle her and give her a fright, before he hugged her tight to his chest, exaggerating his breaths in an attempt to get hers to even out and match his own. 

He made haste for the couch knowing it was one of her safe spaces, the last thing he needed was to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was. Rounding the corner into the lounge and taking a few quick strides into the room Carrillo went to place Ash down on the couch, only to have her cling to him desperately while shaking her head, the flash of pain that crossed her face and the small anguished cry she made had the man’s heart leaping into his throat. He was a man of duty and honor through and through, he looked after any team he commanded to the best of his ability, but seeing this girl, whom he had begun developing feelings for, in such pain was sending him for a loop, something which hasn't happened since he too was a junior officer. 

With Ash still bundled in his arms Carrillo snagged the blanket hanging off one of the smaller couches before wrapping it around the girls shoulders in an attempt to warm her up, she was shivering furiously, no doubt in shock from rehashing the trauma of her attack. He slowly lowered himself onto the couch, getting as comfortable as possible, before allowing a still slightly incoherent Ash to settle against his chest. He began slowly rubbing up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her, while whispering sayings in his native tongue that his mother used to use to calm him down as a boy. It took a while but Ash slowly started to breathe normally against him, her shaking ebbed away and the babbling that she had been doing when he found her had disappeared. Even as her body began to relax she made no move to get off his lap or out of his arms, something that signalled her trust in him and also managed to put him at ease. 

Ash was hyper aware when she came to, her body was unusually warm on one side and deceptively cold on the other, she took note of the blanket around her shoulders and the strong anchor of an arm wrapped securely around her, providing great comfort when she definitely needed it. Her head was resting comfortably against the strong plane of his shoulder, his breathing seemed deliberately slowed in a far too practiced way, as if he was used to dealing with situations such as this. She cursed herself for being so weak that she needed to be, what she guessed was, carried from one room to the next because she allowed her emotions to get the better of her, a small part of her recognised that this was uncontrollable after the trauma she had faced, but a larger darker part of herself felt ashamed for needing to rely on the comfort of her commanding officers’ arms to calm her frenzied mind and frayed emotions. 

Ash swallowed thickly, tears coming to her eyes, as a wave of deep seated shame overtook her senses. She felt bad for Carrillo, he never signed up for looking after a broken soldier like herself, there was no need for him to be so kind to her, maybe it was best she asked to leave the team, lest she make him shoulder the burden that was her broken soul. She made a move to climb from his lap, only to be brought impossibly close to his warmth when the solid weight of his arm tightened momentarily in warning. If there was ever any doubt that she didn’t belong right where she sat then in that moment it was wiped away, such a simple action had her wanting to bare her soul to the man before her, so broken and touch starved she was that she almost laughed at the humility of her thoughts. 

She sniffled despite not wanting to show the emotions that were clouding her thoughts, she wanted to be strong in front of her commander, not some weak girl who couldn’t cut it in the force. It seemed that the attack that day in the gym had had more of an affect that anyone really could have imagined, so far the doctors had left her in the capable hands of her CO, not that she was complaining, but there was definitely something underlying that was worrying both Ash and the Colonel respectively, neither could put a finger on what though. 

Carrillo felt the sudden staggering of her breaths, she was trying to hide something, and he gathered it wasn’t something that should be hidden. He lifted his left hand slowly and gently grasped her chin to tilt her head up from looking at her hands clasped in her lap to somewhat awkwardly making eye contact with him. The sight of her watery red rimmed eyes made him ache in an uncomfortable but somehow not unwanted way, he wanted to be the person she could come to and vent out her concerns without fear of what might come of the situation, he wanted in every way possible to be that stable force in her life, for better or for worse. He knew from experience that he should quickly disregard these kinds of thoughts, it was entirely too early to be getting this deep with a fellow soldier, let alone a junior officer who he was in command off, but despite knowing all that was stacked against him he just couldn’t stay away, this was something he would pressure until his dying breath. 

Ash could see the wheels in his head turning, his thoughts no doubt flying through his head and being batted away for another time, the formidable Colonel was known for his hard exterior but in this moment she wasn’t sure she could believe the things she had heard. His hand had only just barely moved away from her face, just kind of hovering in her space, a gentle reminder that he did, infact, have a compassionate side, one that she was beginning to see more and more. From this angle meeting his eyes was uncomfortable, feeling brave Ash decided to shift the position into something teetering the edge of the forever thinning professional line between them. She moved quickly but still giving him time to push her away, gathering one leg from underneath her she shifted it to the right so she was straddling his lap, chest to chest and nearly overwhelmingly intimate. 

From this new position she had the perfect opportunity to really take him in, subconsciously her hand came up to cradle his face, lightly tracing over his brows before flowing over his cheekbone, Ash smiled softly when his stormy eyes fluttered shut as he lent into her palm, touch it seemed was something they both craved, she continued lightly tracing over his facial features finally coming to a halt with her palm resting along the side of face, thumb hovering just a few millimeters away from his lips. With his eyes still closed she was almost tempted to close the gap between them to thank him for looking after her, but also in a selfish need to fulfill a small portion of her desires. Instead of following through on that thought, she spoke quietly, not wanting to break this small moment of peace, “Sir, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done, I.... uh...” her voice broke, emotions overwhelming her, “Its just, no one has done this much for me since i was a kid, and i know you didn’t sign up for this so...” her speech was cut off when he placed his finger against her lips, effectively silencing her.

“For one..” he started off strongly “I’m just doing what any good commander would do, you’re part of the team Ash, we look after our own, and two” his voice dropped just that little bit lower, taking on a rough gravelly tone “Please call me Horacio”

Ash just stared at him blankly for a moment while processing his words then at nothing more than a quiet whisper she breathed out his name, a jolt of understanding and desire coursing through her body when a lazy smile overtook his features. Whatever was left of the line of professionalism between them had been shattered in that moment, the overwhelming warmth of his eyes made her heart beat faster in her chest, decision made she leant forward slightly while tilting his head up to meet her own, the first brush of their lips against each others was brief, testing in a way, she went to pull back to assess his reaction but just as she began moving her head away he surged up, reconnecting their lips in a kiss that was all consuming. 

He was everywhere and nowhere all at once, too close but somehow too far away, everything that had led up to this moment was poured out in one deep soul shattering kiss that would be burnt into her memory for years to come. The kiss was all teeth and tongue, methodical and thorough and by all means gratifying. He kissed her like a man starved, thrusting his tongue past her parted lips and drowning himself in the taste and feel of her body, committing her to memory while she did the same with him. His hands had moved from her face down to her ass, pulling her even tighter against him in an attempt to satisfy every waking desire he held for her. Her hands found purchase on his shoulders as she ground down on him, the small moan of satisfaction that escaped her lips was soon drowned out by the gravely moan that left his throat when her hands came up to tug on his hair. 

The sound of a camera shutter followed by the sounds of barely concealed joyous laughter had the two of them breaking apart, Ash climbing rather hurriedly from his lap and Horacio’s hands flying out to steady her as she stumbled slightly, her mind still sluggish from the intensity of their kiss . Ash looked towards the front door where the noise had come from only to find Henry standing there with the smuggest smile he could muster plastered on his face, that little bastard. Even while annoyed from being ripped from her moment of bliss she couldn’t be angry at him, but appearances were everything, so without a noise of warning she bolted for the barely older soldier, tackling him to the ground and cursing him out only loud enough for Henry himself to hear. 

Having had enough of being beat down on Henry flipped them over, effectively pinning Ash to the ground and already setting his plan in motion, he was entirely too eager to start pissing the Colonel off, especially now that he had caught him and Ash sucking faces on the couch, making him jealous just might be too easy of a feat now. He smiled cheekily down at Ash, the look in his eye no doubt sending the message to her that he was ready to cause mischief, that smile of his grew when she imperceptibly shook her head at him. Ever the annoying older brother type he was he began tickling her, delighting in the way she tried to escape and started screeching at him to stop, instead of doing that he picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder and he made haste towards her room, already knowing which was hers from the messages his fiance had received from the giggling girl over his shoulder.

Reaching her room he kicked the door shut with his foot before not so gracefully throwing Ash onto the bed, trying not to curl over dying of laughter when she began rolling round on the bed clutching her stomach and laughing breathlessly while trying to speak. Her laughter suddenly stopped when there was a slight banging noise from a few rooms over which seemed to sober her up, looking at Henry with wide eyes she gulped, “Omg, you idiot, he’s gonna bloody kill you for that!”

Henry just shrugged while flopping on the bed beside her, “That's the plan Ashy, we are gonna make that man so jealous he doesn’t know what to do with himself, then you’ll really be enjoying yourself” he said with a jovial wink. 

Ash just groaned before smacking him square in the face with a pillow, she really did love him like a brother but sometimes Henry was an idiot, “Lemme guess, you and lisa made a bet on the Colonel and I, and then you being the idiot you are decided you wanted to take it to the extreme?” she questioned, rolling her eyes when he nodded while giving her the best puppy dog eyes he could muster. Throwing her hands up in the air she huffed, “ok fine, but nothing that’ll weird either of us out, and we only do this until something solid happens between Carrillo and I, deal?” she stuck her hand out to seal their little deal.

“Definitely deal kiddo, now, wanna see Lisa’s reaction when I send this scandalous photo of you and our CO kissing through to her?” The boyish smile he sent her way had her smiling like an idiot. Yup, her brother really was a dumbass. 

[sugaryyangs]

you're my 't-h-i-n-g'

taeyong × fem!reader

warnings: mature language and themes

genre: floof but i think theres a good amount of angst shoved in there im really sorry im bad at these things dhvehej

tags: pining, bestfriend!taeyong, badboi(?)!taeyong, jellybelly!taeyong

characters: you, taeyong, yuta and johnneh make a brief appearance, seventeen's yoon jeonghan is mentioned like twice

words: 3.6k

Do you remember back when you were a child? Do you remember meekly holding onto the object of your affection and feeling safe, desperate for it to stay by your side forever?

Whether it was a stuffed toy or your parents' big, warm arms, do you remember the sense of security only your 'thing' could make you feel? Knowing that no matter what, you were protected against all the evils your brain could muster back then?

Well, I guess it would be presumptuous of me to assume that every single person would remember their 'thing', mostly because some people just didn't get to experience having one at all.

Lee Taeyong was one of those people.

He'd grown up in a place he never spoke about once in the four years I've known him. Not willingly, anyway.

It was almost at the end of our sophomore year of college when I had finally managed to push him into opening up about his past, and boy was I taken aback. Not to exaggerate or anything, but anyone who knew Taeyong had the basic idea about his background, and what he told me still managed to shock me out of my wits.

I understood after that why he didn't talk about his past. If I were him, I wouldn't either. I was surrounded by absolute guilt for making Taeyong relive it through his words and vowed not to ever bring it up again.

Another thing that made sense to me after that conversation was why it was so hard for him to commit to relationships. Not just romantic ones, just relationships in general. As far as I know, apart from me, he didn't trust anyone.

Well, apart from me and them.

Taeyong never really let me get close to the guys at the tattoo shop, now that I think about it. He kept me completely separated from his other friends the first year and a half of knowing me. Not even a mention about what his day was like at work. I was honestly amazed by how efficiently he could swerve around the subject for so long.

After a while, he started mentioning their names but that was pretty much it. He rarely ever did that, though. But it wasn't like he was cutting off another personality of his from me or anything like that. I had a general idea of what they did. Even if Tae managed to keep me completely separated from all of that the best he could, he still was the same Lee Taeyong to me. He was still my best friend, so he obviously couldn't hide everything from me.

The first time I ever interacted with them (that too, only two of them) was a few weeks ago, during my fourth year of knowing Tae. It was a... questionable encounter. Now that I think about it, the highlight of that day wasn't even meeting Taeyong's friends.

Whoever fought with him that day had probably put up a good fight, because he was so hurt that day that he had no choice but to come to my apartment for help; and he hated having to be seen by me when he was hurt.

I was utterly terrified when I saw him, to be honest. The slash on his arm was long and it looked really deep. He had a lot of bruises on his leg, and those, too, only the ones I could see through his ripped jeans. There were scratches on his face as well. Tae told me that he'd only walked for around five minutes or so, but I was honestly surprised he'd managed to make it to my place in his state.

After my frantic attempts to clean up his injuries in a mixture of panicked questions, teary eyes and messy bandaging somehow made the bleeding stop (not completely, I could see the bloodstains on the bandage), I demanded that we head to the hospital immediately.

He refused to budge, claming that he "didn't need to", and I was near punching him square in the jaw.

"What the fuck do you mean, 'I don't need it'? Are you fucking insane, Tae? We're going. Now."

Now, I may not be the scariest person in the world, but I do know how to take my stance when I need to. No way in hell was I going to agree to let him bleed on my fucking couch for goodness knows how long before he passed out.

I stood in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest. He was watching me intensely, his piercing eyes looking straight into mine. I didn't know why, but for some reason, they always managed to make me weak.

This might not be the best time to bring this up, but yes, I possibly had feelings for Taeyong which weren't exactly platonic, per se. And yes, it was terrible, because he depended on me for love and support. It was wrong of me, and I was trying to stop.

But at that moment, I wasn't going to cave. Hell if I wouldn't try my best to battle his gaze, no matter the way it made me feel.

"Get up," I said, shoving every bit of authority I had inside me into my voice. "Now."

He parted his lips slightly and held the tip of his tongue between his teeth. His eyes flitted down from my face. Relief bloomed in my chest. The fear of the possibility of Taeyong's injuries getting worse flickered away slowly.

A doctor will look at him and he'll be fine, I told myself.

That was short-lived, though. Not more than two seconds later, he looked back up to meet my eyes, with a much darker gaze this time. The way he looked at me was so intense that I almost lost my breath. And then the realization hit me.

I was in a dress. Tae knew I only wore dresses on dates. Tae liked to know about who I was going out with. I hadn't told him about this one.

The anxiety was ten times harder this time than the one I had felt before. I looked away from his eyes to the couch behind him and, seeing his jaw tighten through my peripheral vision.

He shifted closer to me so that our knees were touching, taking me by surprise. I looked down at his arm, concern clawing at my chest as I saw more blood seep through the white bandage wrapped around his forearm, probably because he moved so suddenly.

"Tae, let's— let's not do this right now—"

"Who were you out with?"

My breath caught in my throat. I felt awful doing this. I felt awful knowing that he cared so much. I hated that I hoped that he didn't just care as a friend. I hated that I liked Lee Taeyong, a person who sought comfort in me.

And that's exactly why I wanted to move on. I couldn't just cut him out of my life, so I tried to busy myself with other people. He made it so much more difficult, though. It was hard enough for me to agree to go out with someone without having my heart shatter into pieces at the constant reminder that it was Taeyong that I truly liked by itself. The fact that Tae rarely ever approved of my dates made it even harder. That's why I chose to keep Jeonghan hidden from him.

But being dishonest to him was what hurt the most.

"Tae, please. You're not listening, we— we need to get you help—"

He cut me off, opening his legs and shifting to the edge of the couch so that I was standing between his thighs.

"I asked you a question."

I could feel tears prick at my eyes. Sucking in a shaky breath, I tried to compose myself.

"That isn't our priority right now, please, let's just go—"

"I said I'm Fucking Fine. Will you answer the God damned question now?" He raised his voice and I flinched slightly. Slowly, I could feel anger bubble at the back of my throat. Why did he have to yell? I never got this mad when he went out with someone I didn't like.

"That isn't any of your business," I mumbled, taking a step back. His hand immediately came to stop me, palm resting against the back of my knee and pulling me closer. It felt warm against my skin, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"What did you say?" He spat. He sounded livid.

I felt myself get aggravated, too.

"I said that it isn't any of your business," I repeated, pushing his hand off. I looked into his rage-filled eyes, intimidating to the core.

But I wasn't going to back down. Tae had no right to be this mad at me for going on a date, even if he cared. It wasn't like I had ever stopped him from going out with someone. Besides, he hadn't been completely honest with me about his life either.

"It very much is my fucking business," He mocked my tone from vefire as he stood up, towering over me slightly. I looked up at him as he leaned down to level our faces. My heart went to beat fast again, but I didn't let that affect me. We were having this argument now, no matter the way he made me feel.

"Yeah?" I challenged. "How come I never get to hear about who you're hanging out with, then?"

He looked taken aback. I couldn't believe him. Did he honestly think I was never going to bring up his friends, or rather, the fact that he entirely hid them from me? I didn't know them personally, but I knew they weren't the best people. Not with Taeyong coming home hurt like this.

"That isn't the same thing."

I scoffed, looking away. "How is it not the same thing? You've known me for four fucking years, Tae! Four! You thought I wouldn't question you hiding what seems to be an entirely different world from me? For all I know, you could—"

"It isn't the same thing because they won't try to get into my fucking pants!" He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Those guys, that ask you out, they're — they're dangerous. All they want to do is fuck you, and they'll pounce on you the first chance they get-"

What the hell was he talking about?

"Then why the fuck do you keep your friends hidden from me? Don't you want to keep me locked away from them because they're dangerous as well? Like all my dates supposedly are?" I was shouting now, and I was sure my neighbor could hear me.

Taeyong rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

"Fine. If you want to meet them that bad," he pulled his phone out and typed for a few seconds, before shoving it back into his pocket, "I called them over right now."

I stared at him in shock. If it was that easy, why didn't he just let me meet them before?

"W-What—" "Now will you tell me about this secret date of yours?"

He was still angry, it was obvious. But I calmed myself down, reminding myself that he was, in fact, hurt.

"Sit down first," I instructed. I'd managed to lose the ability to meet his eyes again. I took the glass he'd drank from when he arrived and filled it up with water, waiting as he settled on my small loveseat.

I tried figuring out a valid excuse for not telling him about Jeonghan. I knew it wasn't right for him to control who I dated, but I knew where he was coming from. He was Lee Taeyong, and this was his way to show that he cared.

I handed him the glass of water, motioning him to drink it, but he shook his head.

"You drink first. Your throat must be sore."

I complied, lifting the glass to my lips and taking a few sips. My throat felt a thousand times better. I filled it up again and went to sit next to Tae, watching the glass as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Here."

I turned my head slightly to look at him while handing him the tumbler and I instantly regretted it. He was watching me again. I froze.

He took the glass from my hand and drank, strongly holding my gaze. The glass made a quite thud when he placed it on the table, reminding me that we still had to talk about this.

I turned my attention to his fingers which rested on his thigh. Slowly, I inched my hand closer to his until they touched. Tae instantly interlocked our fingers and I immediately felt better. No matter how much he might have been making my heart race, holding his hand always made me feel comfortable.

"Your arm," I said, "it stopped bleeding."

He smiled, squeezing my hand. "Told you I would be okay."

I didn't know what to say. My heart felt as if it would combust at any given moment.

"Tell me," he pleaded, tugging at my arm slightly. I sighed, trying to come up with something which didn't sound completely stupid and was somewhat honest. "It's just that you— I— you rarely ever like the guys that ask me out and I really liked him, so I just thought that— that it would be better not to bring it up and so I—"

"Calm down." He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Tell me slowly, it's okay."

I paused for a moment, trying to calm myself down. "You know Jeonghan from the— that ice cream place downtown?" I felt him stiffen. His lips ghosted over my ear and he let out a short "hm". It made me shiver and I prayed he didn't feel it.

"We just, um, went to get dinner. Nothing special."

Tae suddenly pulled back, completely serious. "Would you go out with him again?"

My eyes grew wide. I looked at our hands again. "Honestly? No."

That wasn't a lie. Jeonghan had offered to go back to his place and "spend the night" as soon as we finished our dinner which had immediately made me uncomfortable.

He tilted his head, asking me to tell him why. I looked up at him to find an unamused expression on his face.

"You have to promise me you won't do anything to him." At this, he cursed under his breath and looked away, already knowing that whatever was about to come next would make him want to punch the guy.

"Promise me," I repeated. He looked at me and nodded simply.

"I want verbal confirmation."

He let out an annoyed grunt, but he promised me, anyway. I told him what happened and his jaw clenched.

"Taeyong—"

"This is why I tell you to not date them." He closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them and looking at me again.

"Is there ever a problem when you go out with guys I like?"

Yes. Yes, there is.

"I— well, I mean I guess not."

I didn't even know if he could read me like an open book right now or not, I was in a daze. I prayed to everything holy that I wouldn't accidentally out my feelings for him.

He looked at me, and his eyes softened. Suddenly, he pulled my arm and lifted my leg, positioning it so that I sat on his thighs, straddling him. My thighs were on either side of him and my dress rode up.

What was he doing? I couldn't react, nor could I move. He was way too close to me. Lee Taeyong was mere inches from my face and I was sitting on him.

"T-Tae—"

"Then why do you go out with them?" He asked, looking at my cheeks. I couldn't think, my mind had gone blank.

He pulled me closer to him. I could see the scratches more clearly now.

"Because I— I," I attempted to speak but I couldn't. Not with him this close to me. He looked down to my lips, his tongue coming out to wet his own.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered. My heart picked up it's pace. His voice sounded different when he was this close. I just nodded nonchalantly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, trapping me in his hold. "I like you."

My breath hitched.

Who said that? Did I say that? No, I wasn't in a state to talk, I couldn't have. Was I hearing things, then?

I blinked in confusion.

"Don't leave me hanging," he chuckled nervously, making me realize what just happened.

Oh. Oh.

Taeyong said that?

I couldn't understand. He looked uneasy but he still wore a small smile on his face. Oh, that smile. Was this even real?

"I—" Again, I fumbled with my words, trying to speak. I couldn't. Oh my god, did Lee Taeyong just tell me that he likes me?

"Hm?"

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't. The feeling in my chest was unexplainable and it had completely wiped out all of the vocabulary in my brain. So I just nodded.

Tae let out a small giggle, and my heart melted. Oh my god, this was real.

"What do you mean by that, baby?"

I swooned at the name. He'd called me that name once before, and that was two years ago when I had caught a really bad bug; but God, I could never get enough of him calling me that. I lifted my arms and gripped his shoulders, bumping our noses.

He hummed again, encouraging me to go on.

"I like you too," I blurted. I still couldn't believe it. I was in Taeyong's lap, confessing to him.

He beamed, lifting his head to kiss both of my cheeks, sending butterflies down my stomach with each. He went up and kissed my forehead, hugging me close against him.

"Thank you," he smiled, breathless. He lifted his hand to hold my cheek, and honestly, I could've burst out into tears right then.

"Are you two done now?"

I jumped. Scrambling off of his lap, I heard someone clear their throat. Taeyong clicked his tongue in annoyance, getting up as I smoothed my dress down.

Two men stood at my doorstep — one had an eyebrow raised and was having a staring contest with Tae, and the other, much taller one was tapping away at his phone.

"H-Hi," I said bowing slightly. Good God, the first thing Tae's friends saw me do was probably the weirdest thing they'd ever witnessed.

" 'Sup. I'm Yuta, nice to finally meet you." The one that was having a staring contest with Tae said, breaking his eye contact with him and stepping closer to shake my hand.

"I got the whole thing on video! The others are gonna' be so jealous that I got to see this in person." The tall one said, finally looking up from his phone. "I'm Johnny."

I looked at Taeyong in panic, and I saw him sulking and scratching the back of his neck.

"You what—" "Introduce us!"

Taeyong cringed, "Well, you two already know who she is, so—"

"Yeah, yeah, we do. Do you still need a ride?" Yuta asked, not seeming interested at all.

"Actually," Tae said, his eyes finding mine for a split second before he looked back at Yuta, "I think I'm gonna stay the night."

"Well, okay. John, let's go." Johnny kept making a weird face at Tae, and to be very honest, I was unsettled.

"Would you guys like some water or anything? You're welcome to stay and rest for a bit if you'd like—" "No you're not, go away—"

"Shut up, Tae. Anyways, you need anything at all?" I asked, shushing Taeyong. Yuta looked at me, and let out a laugh.

"No, thanks. We've already seen enough, we wouldn't want to interrupt anything el—"

I was about to pass out then and there, but thankfully, Johnny dragged his friend away before he could finish.

"oKay bye bYe, it was nice meeting you!"

They shut the door behind them and I locked it close. I heard Tae sigh.

"Your friends are weird." I turned to face him, only to find him walking over to me.

"Yeah, I know." He engulfed me in a hug, burying his head in my neck. "They're such weebs, I don't want the rest of 'em to meet you. You might turn into one of them."

I let out a laugh at that, wondering what he meant.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

I sighed, hugging him back. "It's okay. I yelled, too."

I felt him smile against my skin. "I promise I'll work on the yelling. And on not getting hurt," I let out another laugh. "You'd better." This wasn't a dream, was it? "Or you can go to your tattoo buddies for help next time."

"You're so mean to me," he whined. "Can we sleep now, please?"

"You don't want to change?" I asked, pulling away and leaving him to grab some of his spare clothes I'd taken from his place some time ago. He hummed, following after me.

"I've waited for non-platonic cuddles for four years, so please, hurry up." He said, coming up to hug me from behind as I took out a sweatshirt and a pair of pajamas from the dresser.

"What are non-platonic cuddles?" I laughed, and he mumbled something random as a reply.

There in his arms, after four years of knowing him, I realized that even if Taeyong didn't get to have his 'thing', he had become mine. And there was a feeling of utter joy, happiness knowing that he would be here for a while.

I smiled, scared to wake up the next day, and have it all be a dream. But it wasn't. This was real.

Lee Taeyong was my 'thing' and I hoped that somewhere along the way, I would become his.

[mozaikrolez]

              alright  !!  i ’ ve  complied  some  new  muses  that  i  will  be  adding  to  this  blog  !  i’ll  be  working  on  adding  them  to  my  muse  list  in  the  next  few  days  (  or  so  ...  )  while  i  edit  a  few  things  on  here  .

miu iruma : secondary list

miu comes from danganronpa v3 . she’s a very loud & crude person who speaks her mind , full stop . i’ve portrayed her briefly on another rp multimse , but alas , i’ve abandoned that blog . i wish to change her up a bit & make her a lot less crude . i will still stay true to her character mostly , but i will tone her down a bit because she’s the type to say ANYTHING to WHOEVER & that’d be too much lol !

gaito kurouzu : secondary list

another muse i briefly portrayed while i took sometime off the tumblr rp scene . i enjoyed my time rp-ing as him but the chatrooms didn’t fulfill my rp wants like the community on tumblr, so here we are ! giving it a go again ! things i would like to see happen for gaito ? well i’d like to look into his fear of cats more & other stuff regarding his motivation . ngl , i wasn’t a fan of the explanation on why he suddenly up & left his house sooo i’m gonna headcanon the hell out of him .

shido magoroku : secondary list

he’s funny ! i need more doofuses on this blog , ok & he’s hands down best doofus i’ve seen in a while . i enjoy him & i’m sure many will too ! what do i want out of him ? some laughs & lonely child needs some damn friends ! LONELY CHILD NEEDS SOME DAMN FRIENDS !

ikazuchi ( bolt fuchigami )

another muse i wanted to try out but ended up not placing him on the blog . now that there are more FCBF muses i’ll add him ! i can make some au’s for him too ! maybe a demon slayer verse or something ? breathe of thunder all the way ! btw , i’m more inclined to portray him as ikazuchi rather than bolt ( i’ll get into more detail on his about page ) .

gwyn ronny : secondary list ( considering main tbh )

the moment i saw this boy i thought he wasn’t human . i’m gonna keep it brief ( lord knows i could go on ) but gwyn gives me hardcore faerie/starchild vibes ... SO IMMA HEADCANON HIM TO HELL .

mitsuru ichihoshi : secondary list

aaaaaaaa , i love this starboy !! i was thinking about adding him but opted not to . & yes , to those that know -- i will be portraying mitsuru not hikaru . because i have shirou & i’m playing him in his original verse ( which is similar to hikaru’s ) i’m gonna be portraying mitsuru in an au . a lot of headcanon’s with this one .

valentine : secondary muse

yet another muse that i’ve written elsewhere at one point ! due to her appearance & aesthetics n shit , she’s primarily seen as like ... a fanservice character but i ( & many others ) know that she’s so much more than that ! i actually love her so much but feared too many ppl would only interact with her for smut ( i’ve had ppl ignore this rule on old blogs & on other platforms as well ) . she’s a sad villain tbh & i want to explore that !!

eliza : secondary muse

she’s just great ! pure evil  -- i love it . blood manipulating powers presented nicely . eliza is another fav of mine from skullgirls ( aside from valentine & double ) .

mitsuri kanroji : request / selective list

i really really want to give mitsuri a shot as a muse but i wasn’t that confident in my ability to . i decided to try but i’ll be fairly selective with who i use with her for now ( only for my own comfort ;w; ) .

kanae kocho : request / selective list

i want to give kanae a try , but due to her backstory --- all possible interactions with her will be plotted & have a storyline to a slight degree. random memes can be sent to her , but only after we’ve discussed a plot of some sort . both kocho sisters on this blog are linked in a way , so kanae is mostly here for younger shinobu days , but now there’s an option of having a thread with just kanae !! yay ! *ugly cries*

sassy : fandomless oc on @sassysnax

oh , hey !! a fandomless oc i’ve been working on in the last lil bit ! it’s a horror oc ( cuz ya girl just loves hORROR BABY ) based off of one of my bunnies !! yes , u read that correctly ! my rabbit sassy ( i had for 9 years ) was very peculiar . a lot of rabbits have unique personalities & i’ve grown up with them all my life & never have i seen one act that much like the other . they had distinct personalities -- but sassy was by far the funniest ! in fact , part of my main oc ( hiromi konoe from @wiccanflare ) has some personality inspo from her . obviously , it’s exaggerated to the max & combined with my close friends tho --- but anyway , i decided to make an oc purely based on my dear sassy . btw , due to the nature of the blog , major trigger warnings for fake blood portrayed as real , fake gore portrayed as real , weapons , religious themes , themes of death , partial nudity ( nothing necessarily sexual in nature ) & creepy teeth ? all will be tagged of course , but these themes will be present in writing & visuals . btw , this is a sideblog to this one so i won’t be able to follow back from that blog .

if anyone wants to plot with one of these muses or get a starter written out for them , i can still do that even if they aren’t listed yet ! feel free to jump in the im’s at any time !!! 

[whitherliliesbloom]

✿ stories you want to write

Tagged by: @earthlystar, @fistsoflightning, @stars-bleed-hearts-shine​, @windup-dragoon​ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Tagging: idk, whoever wants to do this lmao. just say I tagged you!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a bundle of unfulfilled ideas / headcanons. I have a lot of stories / AU ideas I want to write.. but either don’t have the time or energy to write them... Or you know, I’m just plain lazy.

I’m also kind of leaning more towards Genshin Impact now than FFXIV oops

1) More time travel AU

I KNOW!! I’m the only one who cares about this au okay but 

TIME TRAVEL STORIES ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES??? ADDING TO THAT ANYTHING INVOLVING LIKE.. META COMMENTARY AND POSSIBLE 4TH WALL BREAKING??? STEINS;GATE??? MADOKA MAGICA??? CHARLOTTE??? UNDERTALE??? The ability to stop time and rewind time is just such a COOL ASS concept to me?? I won’t shut up about wanting time mage in ffxiv just so I can OFFICIALLY make her a canon overpowered time and space manipulator. Maybe then, time travel au won’t just be an au anymore.

On top of that I just really like Cronus. The idea of an Illya who is so damaged and broken she becomes an entirely different person. I just don’t really have a set plot planned for this au or have any idea on how to resolve the conflict between Cronus, present timeline Illya and Alphinaud... or if I even wanna give Cronus a happy ending iafnioafas. But whenever there’s an opportunity to talk about time travel au, you bet your gil I will.

2) More Nier Automata AU

I kinda lost steam for this AU really really quickly for some reason but.. I had pretty ambitious plans for the plot of this which I really hope I’ll find the inspiration to write out some day.. because I really don’t like just.. reducing my ideas to simple bullet point headcanons. 

Some brief idea of what I had in mind though:

 bad ending depending on illya’s actions at one of the climatic scenes

different ‘good’ endings depending on her last dialogue choice which would lead to her ending up with different love interests. 

love triangle, of course

side plot for alisaie and ryne involving an escort mission

really really meta writing about the meaning of an android’s life and who 2C feels like she really is

scene of 2C regaining memories of alphinaud’s death and losing her shit

Like I said. I’m a bundle of lots of ideas that are almost always unfulfilled. I still really like this au though and I don’t want it to go to waste...

3) More Modern AU

Oops another AU. At least this one isn’t depressing or something that might give you an existential crisis. I have A LOT of headcanons for modern au ffxiv characters... not to mention different versions of the modern au concept. There’s Youtuber Illya AU, there’s highschool AU, there’s that AU where Illya works at a coffee shop and Alphinaud is a university student. 

I just love how laid back and Slice of Life-y modern au can be and I just... really love the idea of Illya living a normal happy life that doesn’t involve her having to kill gods every other day as much as i do love to torture her, yes. 

Some ideas for modern au fics i had:

Highschool AU Ryne asking her friends to cosplay sailor moon characters for a cosplay convention. Laurelis as Sailor Moon and Haurchefant as Tuxedo Mask. Ryne herself as Sailor Venus. Gaia as Sailor Mars. Illya as Sailor Saturn. 

Youtuber Illya attempting to vlog outside her home for the first time while she’s on a date with Alphinaud because her viewers requested it so much. Just pure fluff and the dorks being dorks. 

Highschool AU Illya working on a set of mini terrarium jewelry to sell at the school fair to raise money. The jocks at the school sort of laugh and lowkey bully her for the idea but she ends up making a ton of money.

SOL comedy AU where alisaie and alphinaud both have a crush on Illya sort of compete for her attention. She’s completely oblivious to all of it. 

Cafe AU where Illya has raised enough money (and with Alphinaud’s generous donation) to send in an entry to university. Alphinaud helps her study for the entrance exam. 

More double dates? :eyes:

4) To Aru Majutsu no Index AU

LOOK SOMETHING I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT ON MY BLOG BEFORE. I just really like the premise / setting of this anime. ARE YALL READY FOR WORD VOMIT???

Academy city, a city that houses many schools, and research intuitions devoted to the study and advancement of science. Espers are individuals who use scientifically based supernatural powers, all of whom gained and trained their powers artificially under the system of Academy city. However, there is another underground side to the city - a small organization of people with supernatural abilities that cannot be explained by science. They are called magicians - and due to the rarity of magic, and how Academy city is so repulsed by the idea of abilities that defy the laws of conventional science and their understanding, some people even believe that magic is simply a myth or urban legend. 

While espers typically specialize in only one or two types of ability, magicians are often able to wield a variety of different abilities that take time to train and nurture, making them so frightening to the science side of academy. Some magicians even end up dabbling in the occult or black magic.

Alphinaud, a level 4 esper with the ability to physically see energy waves emitted by other espers. Couple that with his high intelligence, he is able to analyze the movements and abilities of other espers and even pin point the weak points of their abilities. His twin sister Alisaie is also a level 4 esper who is able to teleport herself and one other person she touches a certain distance in a radius around her current location. 

Alphinaud comes across Illya on his home from his training program one day, beaten and exhausted on the side of the road. He wants to call the hospital, but she begs him not to, saying she’s afraid that ‘they’ will find her. He takes her back to his home and nurses her wounds. Not seeing any energy waves being emitted from her, he assumes that she is simply an ordinary citizen. He asks her where her home is and how she ended up injured on the side of the road, but she refuses to tell him.

One day, a fight breaks out on the streets near his home, where a level 5 esper has gone rogue and is attacking innocent bystanders. He asks Illya to stay behind while he and Alisaie takes care of the situation. They are outmatched however, and Illya, watching the situation from the balcony of his home finally decides to step in. She easily incapacitates the esper using a variety of magical abilities the twins have never seen before, draining the man of his energy before returning to heal Alphinaud and Alisaie. 

They question Illya later, and she finally confesses to being a magician who is on the run from an organization who had been keeping her captive for the past few years. She has the ability of perfect memory - being able to memorize spells from any grimoire she reads and utilize the powers for herself, though often at some debilitating cost. The more powerful the spell, the more dire and painful the side effects.  She has been forced to read a total of more than 500 grimoires by now, and only managed to narrowly escape thanks to a mysterious man who took pity on her. 

Due to the side effects of her ability, and also having done nothing but be chained up and forced to read grimoires for the past few years, Illya is physically frail and cannot fend for herself beyond using magical abilities, which she is often hesitant to do.

5) Pokemon AU...carmela im looking

Waiting for @windupnamazu​ to provide more details on her pokemon au buttttt i’ve already been working on illya’s sort of backstory, her pokemon team, alphinaud’s pokemon team and other headcanons regarding this au. Also.. working with an artist regarding illya’s design for this au, which i’m very excited to be able to share =3c Not the time yet tho

I actually talked about a pokemon au with Jam as early as June of last year. I made a pokemon team for illya aaaaaand only half of her original team I had for her over a year ago is still in her current team oops. It’s okay, the retconned ones can stay at home and relax with Lachlan. 

6) More amaurotine stuff

Oh finally something relating to canon. I’ve been thinking about Chloris x Apollo from time to time and honestly I.. really love their dynamic.. despite how sad and lowkey awful Apollo can be towards her. But I think that’s part of the charm of what makes alphinaud and illya’s relationship later so sweet, being able to acknowledge that they had their flaws and learn from them ;w;

I had an idea for Chloris inventing a type of flower with the unintentional suggestion of Apollo, and it later makes an appearance where Alphinaud discovers the flower and asks Illya about it. 

7) The twins... no, not the Leveilleur twins

I think everyone’s talked about their lovechildren more than I have and I’ve already kind of explained why I haven’t made any screens or talked about them at length but.. I really do love them so much ;;;; I wanna find the opportunity to write a fic of them maybe spending a day inside with their army of carbuncles... Also @ancientechos​‘ OC Esme (son of haurche and laurelis) developing a crush on one of them =3c 

Also another idea I had involving them is being taken to the site of some of Illya and Alphinaud’s adventures...

8) Butler AU...hey, anyone remember this? 

Remember when I did several comics back to back and was super motivated for this AU? I do. I miss being motivated and inspired and not like.. wrecked with depression. I have plot points... ALSO INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER OCs WHO JOINED THIS AU???? Maybe one day I’ll find the drive again. At least I was able to finish one plot arc!! Which is more than I can say for most of my other AUs. Someone get me back in the shoujo manga mood!!! please!!

9) Idol AU 

Hey idol AU anon where are you.... WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME YOUR EXTRA HEADCANONS PLEASE COME BACK

10) More Alphinaud and his interactions with DRK Illya

I’ve already written a good number of fics about this, but I still... wanna do more... Acceptance, unconditional love, Illya learning that he won’t leave her despite all her insecurities and flaws... ILLYA FINALLY LEARNING TO IDK ACCEPT HERSELF. HELP.

I just really like DRK Illya okay, and you can pry the symbolism of her duality with her dark side from my cold dead hands. 

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Three, “If It Kills Me”

A story about what happens when she can’t be just his assistant anymore, and he can no longer be only her boss. Now, can they be happy with being just friends?

Read this story from the beginning here! :-) 

Inspo tag here!

*NEW* Spotify playlist in the works can be found here, songs that inspire me for the story and have significance in the story c: 

Warnings: one brief mention of vomiting, and some mild language.

                                   SNEAKY PEEEEEEEEEEEK

“And Becky’s face consumes my thoughts, much like it’s been captivating my conscience as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. I miss all of it.”

Song Inspiration: If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz (click to listen)

            “It’s like before it’s gonna storm, you know? You can’t see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?” - Steve Harrington, Stranger Things 

The warm rays hit my cheeks as my sandals pound on the pavement. I wonder how I could ever be unhappy given the May sun shining down on me, and walking from my favorite restaurant. Without fail, the blissful idea is stolen away by a swarm of thoughts dosed in reality. And a particular one that reminds me of what I need to do, despite the dread I’ve been feeling. Not even the former respite of Asher’s hug after our shared lunch can keep them away. 

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swipe through my apps until I find the right one. Stopping in front of my gray car, I lean against the door with a huff. My thumbs hover across the screen nervously, followed by a curse under my breath. Quickly, they flit across the screen composing words in front of my eyes. Sliding into my driver seat, I stare at the screen for a moment longer before hitting send. 

I wait for the chime to come, telling me I have a new message, from him. Nervousness coats my limbs and only grows worse as the minutes tick by driving home. Waiting. But when I check my phone after walking in the door, my lock screen showing my dad and I’s smiling faces is blank. 

No new messages. 

Sliding off my black sandals, I pad through the shared living room and kitchen area before reaching my bedroom. My laptop beckons for me across the room on my desk, and I sit down before it. I hope that maybe if I don’t procrastinate this specific thing, maybe things will turn out a little better. But as I’m opening a study guide for Family Law’s final exam, I’m proven wrong. 

The chime grabs my attention immediately, making my fingers still on the keyboard. Flitting my eyes to the lavender Speck phone case, I grow antsy at wondering who the text is from. And what it says. Inhaling nervously, I pick it up and wake up the screen. The few words of a preview I see of the text cues a sour anxiousness to grow in my stomach. Bringing my knees up onto my chair, I pull them against my chest as I open the text. 

Me

Hey I’m so sorry I’ve been terrible at texting back, finals these next two weeks are getting to me. Speaking of that I realized that I have to take a final at the time we’re supposed to get lunch in a few days. I’m really sorry but can we reschedule . . . again? I was thinking in two weeks when I’m finally free from the clutches of uni????? :( 

Harry 

sorry cant love. im in edinburgh all that week for a case. lets talk about it when im back. good luck w finals xx

Sighing, I type up a short response, agreeing to that. With guilt casting a shadow over me, I return my attention to the lengthy study guide. The gross feeling in my stomach remains, and with its arrival, my excitement for our lunch date is replaced with disappointment. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks since we rescheduled it the first time, due to me messing up the dates, again. Peeking my eyes at my phone, I turn away and slump against my chair. 

It’s been a month since I saw him last, and although we’ve sent a handful of texts, they haven’t been enough for me. Skye, of course, told me that there’s nothing stopping me from showing up at his office door, but she’s wrong. I don’t know his schedule anymore, and for all I know, I’d be waiting around for him. Plus, my appearance would just yell ‘desperate!’ Sometimes, I wonder what little world Skye is tucked away into that’s far simpler, not realizing I still have to work during the day, especially more so this summer. 

But as the days drag on with chemo and radiation appointments, and lectures upon lectures, I think maybe Skye has the right idea being so optimistic. Maybe. 

+

Over the next few weeks, I see him at almost every corner I turn, and it hurts more than it should after all these weeks. The ignored texts shouldn’t feel like a fresh stab wound when I see that Scrabble box in the family room, get on that very same lift, or walk past the nurse’s station I found him leaning against that morning. Nothing compares to the piano and the pang I feel in my chest at the sight of it. It comes every time I walk through those doors and am reminded of the intimacy held on those keys. No, it didn’t get easier after the first time being back there with my dad, or the fifth time. Avoiding that gray sofa like the plague only reminded me of the texts I sent him that went unanswered. I can’t blame him though, because like a bitch, I took a week sometimes to reply to him. 

The tight feeling in my chest only feels heavier as I sit on the plaid couch in my childhood living room. I can’t even enjoy watching FRIENDS like I used to be able to, as their faces bring forth the sound of his laugh. It pains me to turn down their voices as I dig my phone out from under the cushions. I try not to let it get to me when I, once again, find no new text messages. My attempt is futile and it only causes me to take longer to open the phone app. By now, I know his number by heart, but my shaky hands cause me to mess up a few times. 

Pressing the phone to my ear, all I can hear is its ringing and the pounding of my heart. As the seconds drag on, I’m almost certain I’ll hear the voicemail next. But then I’m pleasantly surprised, although the bitterness in my stomach blossoms. 

“Hullo?” His gravelly voice pulls my lips into an instant smile. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, the words fall from my lips hurriedly. 

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” he responds curtly, a clattering noise heard in the background before he mutters a ‘shit.’

“I’m sorry, did I call at a bad time?” I ask quickly, regret filling my veins. 

“No, yer fine. ‘m jus’ makin’ dinna.”

“Oh um, nice. What are you cooking?” I inquire, twirling the braided silver ring on my pointer finger. Swallowing, I wait to hear his molasses drawl again, like music to my ears. 

“Jus’ a stir fry. So . . . why’d ya ring?” Harry responds, a coolness hugging his voice. 

“Um, I haven’t heard from you in a while and wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” he hums awkwardly, followed by the sound of a door closing. Squeezing my eyes shut, uneasiness falls over me in a wave. Oddly, I wonder if all of a sudden I can’t call to say hi. “Ya, we’ve both been busy. Cases fer me, an’ prolly uni an’ yer dad’s treatments fer you.”

“Yeah,” I agree aloud, my chin falling to rest in my palm. But it leaves a second later to lose my fingers in my hair. “I wanted to tell you that I finished my finals last week, so now I just have clinical left in the fall. Oh, and my dad got to ring the bell today. He’s all done with chemo and radiation after his scans all looked good. It’s hard to believe that he’s cancer-free. His doctors will, of course, have to keep an eye on him in the future to make sure it doesn’t come back, but I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Tha’s wonderful, love,” Harry coos into my ear, the first notes of happiness heard in his voice. It begins to put me at ease, and cause me to think maybe something isn’t off after all. “‘m really glad t’ hear that- well both o’ those things.”

Unbeknownst to me, I find myself nodding along with his words as if I needed his confirmation. But his words stop there, and the sickening feeling that something is wrong settles back in. A small ‘yeah’ stumbles off my lips as my fingers form into a fist in my lap, debating what to say next. Or if I should ask what I’ve been wanting to say the entire time. 

“We weren’t able to get ahold of each other a few weeks ago to reschedule lunch. Would you still like to?” Going out on a limb, I let the words fly. 

I watch for them apprehensively, uncertain if they’ll take flight. The loud sound from his side, the subsequent shuffling, and a voice saying his name shoots them down hastily. 

“‘m sorry, I gotta go. ‘ll text ya ‘bout gettin’ lunch,” Harry remarks, his words stringing together swiftly. I barely have the chance to say an ‘okay’ before he abruptly hangs up, sewing together an unwanted thought for me. 

Tossing my phone to the other end of the couch, I fall back against the cushions. Turning up the volume of the telly, I avert my gaze back to the make-believe world I’ve always taken comfort in. As the phone call gnaws away at my insides, planting insecurities every few steps, I let the characters whisk me away. Even if their faces and familiar jokes will now never stop reminding me of him, and something I let go of that I didn’t know I had. I only feel worse when I realize that I knew then that he’d never send that text, and I think he knew that, too.

+

“Staring at it isn’t going to make it ring, y’know,” somebody states, pulling me from my webs of thoughts. 

Lifting my attention away from the black screen in my hand, I catch Myles looking at me impatiently. 

“Wha- ‘m sorry. I was listenin’.”

“Then what’d I just say?” he requests, the hand propped against his chin rising in a silent question. 

My lips fall apart to welcome my voice, but nothing comes out. Shrugging, he receives his answer and replies with a disapproving glare. 

“Hare, this is important stuff. We’re leaving for Edinburgh tomorrow for the case, it’s a huge one.”

“I know, My. Jus’ repeat what ya said, please,” I huff, batting a hand at him. His eyes roll into the back of his head when he leans back in his leather chair. 

“I swear to God, Harry, I-.”

“Stop,” I retort, growing annoyed. 

He plays with the point of his quiffed blonde hair before clearing his throat. Although I try to listen the second time around, my gaze is lulled back to my laptop screen. My fingers itch to touch the keys and type up words, and when Myles begrudgingly answers his ringing phone, I find my chance. Sliding my silent phone into my pocket, I click on the blue thought bubble, only to be met with disappointment. Brushing it away, my fingers fly across the keys and my words are sent with a soft hum. Soon, Myles hangs up the phone with a perturbed sigh and resumes the conversation we were having. Again, I try to return to the bubble we share and the words that occupy it, but my mind is consumed with the anticipation of that coveted ding. And with Becky’s face, much like it’s been captivating my thoughts as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

It crowds my mind when I wait for the boarding call, tapping my fingers along the screen and watching the words be sent off. I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. All of it. I miss all of it. It gnawed away at me slowly, and terribly, burying doubts beneath my defenses. They sprang up when I least expected them, and when I thought about sending just one more text. A few words wouldn’t hurt anything, I thought, but at the same time, I distrust the ultimate impact they could have. 

The pounding jars me from my reverie, bringing me to my feet slowly. Padding past the television and kitchen area, a yawn jumps from my lips. Another pound lands on the door, dragging my brow into a knot. 

“Oh, shuddup!” I exclaim in disbelief, wrapping my fingers around the smooth metal of the door. Yanking it open, I find the grinning bearded face of my mate standing on my stoop. “‘m not goin’, Rore, I already told ya this.”

“C’mon, Harry, I’ll look like a right idiot being there all alone,” Rory responds, his steps telling me he’s following me inside once I turn around. “Help a mate out here.” 

“Ya, ‘coz ya were so helpful tha otha day when I asked ya t’ consult with me fer the Starkey case.” Scoffing, his words pause between his lips as I fill a glass of water from the attachment on the fridge. “Why’re ya goin’ anyways, since it sounds like sumthin’ yer dreadin’? And since when d’ya even go t’ these sorta things? Last place I thought ‘d see you at, Rore.”

“I don’t, but it’s for me sister’s showing. I can’t miss it, she’s me baby sister. I’d hear about it from me mum for weeks.”

Snorting, I have to pull the glass of water away from my lips. 

“Hope ya bloody choke on that water, mate,” Rory scoffs, only making me laugh harder. Water flies from my lips as I’ve forgotten the glass on the marbled countertop. “Are ya coming or not, Harry? Ya know it’s a good place to pick up chicks, too. They blooming love these art gallery places.”

Recovering from my fit of giggles, I turn my head to find Rory waiting with the question in his eyes. He huffs and riffles a hand through his tousled blonde hair a few shades lighter than that which covers his face. Shaking his head, he wiggles his head at me. 

“I’ll consult with you on the next case, or even give ya first pick,” he whines, folding his hands together under his chin, as if he’s praying. 

“‘m yer bloody boss, I always get first picks,” I murmur, a smile cracking at the end of my words. 

“Oh, fuck off, would you?” he spits, pushing at a chair in front of the seated bar attached to the kitchen island. Clucking his tongue, he messes with the collar of his navy blue blazer thrown over a bloody Zeppelin shirt. Yeah, you sure look artsy there, Rore. But with the next words that fly from his sailor’s mouth, he pins me down. “What’re ya gonna do here anyways, sit and watch the bleeding telly all in your lonesome when ya could be with me getting damn a date?”

Biting my lip, my house slippers come into my view and when Rory’s eyes find them, a laugh explodes from his lips. “Go hurry up and bloody change before you’re too far gone, mate. I’ll be in the car,” he titters before his voice falls with a delighted sigh. Delight found in my pain. 

“Two cases, Rore. Any two cases I want, ya consult with me on. Ya got it?” I argue, following on his footsteps. 

“Whatever makes ya feel better, mate. I know you'll be thanking me later tonight.” 

“Doubt it,” I mutter, watching him open the door, sure there’s a sly grin covering his face. 

I turn to jog up the stairs until I arrive in my bedroom. Quickly, I toss on skinny jeans, a Keith Haring shirt, and a mustard button up smattered with faded white flowers. I look rather artsy, I reckon, I decide as I look at myself in my bathroom mirror. It’s an easy feat when you’re standing next to wannabe Rory over there, though. After taming my hair and finding a pair of shoes, I pad down the stairs. 

“Alexa, turn off all o’ my lights,” I announce, slipping my wallet and phone into my pocket as my hous darkens around me. 

“Take fucking long enough?” Rory groans when I slide into the passenger seat of his silver Sentra. 

“Shuddup and drive, will you? So we can get this ova with.”

“If you’re gonna be an ass tonight, then just go back inside,” he almost laughs, beginning to back away from the towering walls of my house. 

“Talking ‘bout yerself, are ya now?” I quip, bringing my phone from my tight pockets, tapping in my passcode. 

“I’ve noticed, y’know,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Looking up from the bright screen, his eyes don’t stray from the road. “There’s a girl, isn’t there? Or there was?” he continues, a man I’ve come to love over the last three years he’s worked with me. And somehow I thought I had fooled him, but it turns out, I haven’t. I can’t even fool myself.

“Sumthin’ like that,” I whisper, my attention straying back to the conversation lit on my screen. Another day of the ball being in her court, and she just leaves it in the bloody corner, neglecting it. “I see why ya wanted me t’ come now . . . jus’ don’ try t’ set me up with yer bloody sista. She’s like twenty.”

His hearty chuckle fills the space around us, the words of a song from Death Cab for Cutie lurking in the background. “I won’t, but y’know she’s not gonna let ya out of her sight, mate. She’s had the hots for you from day one.”

“Oh God, Rore, what’d I let ya drag me into here?” I joke, my lips curling into a nervous smile. But the smile feels good, and it feels even better when her name disappears from my screen, and I forget my phone in my pocket. 

+

“What happened to making me dinner?” I whine from the couch, crossing my left leg over the other under the comfort of my blanket. 

“That was when you were busy, and well, the other day when I was feeling generous. Not today, missy,” Skye scoffs, the sound of the fridge shutting marking her words. Something lands in my lap with a plop, startling me. 

“Wow, how gourmet. Why thank you, I definitely don’t need to make dinner now,” I joke, picking up the wrapped piece of string cheese. 

“I know you’re still going to eat it. Just eat cereal or something, you hobo. I’m going to bed at a decent time, unlike somebody.”

“Hey, it’s a Friday!” I argue, pressing the page down button on the remote, waiting for something to catch my eye on Netflix. 

“Yeah, and some of us still have a job on Saturdays!” she calls from her journey down the hall. 

“Party pooper!” 

She remains silent on the defensive line, and so does the list of boring content on the television screen. Relenting, I click over to My Stuff and press play on the next episode of FRIENDS. Relaxing into the cushions, I unwrap the cheese and slowly eat it in strings. Giggles flow from my lips watching the scene unravel in front of me, and some eye-rolls because of Ross or Monica. After a while, my legs stray to the fridge, and I return to the tan sectional with a bowl of Cheerios. The milk threatens to spill over the side when I sit up suddenly, almost yelping in laughter at the scene when Monica and Rachel lose their apartment to Chandler and Joey. The sugary Cheerios soon disappear, and the milk follows them as the episode nears the end. 

Placing my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, I hurry back to the sofa to catch a Phoebe scene. My cheeks warm with a smile, but they soon grow cold when my thoughts have to interrupt with a memory of his face. That god awfully sweet smile adorned with his cherry lips and precious dimples. Without knowing what I’m doing, the cartoon looking app appears under my nose, and pictures fill my feed. I take a second look at a few of them that catch my attention, the angry voices of Rachel and Monica tickling at my ears. 

Soon, the search bar materializes and although it feels wrong, I type in letter after letter to create his name. I can’t remember the last time I glanced at his profile, just to catch a hint of him. Finding the profile I’ve become familiar with, I tap on his picture and wait for his profile to load. Glancing away, the tv captures my attention once more as I scratch at an itch on my leg. Yawning, I rub at my eye before it falls back to the blindingly bright screen. Blinking hard to clear the haze from my vision, I scroll down to see what new pictures he’s posted, although they’re usually few and far between. 

I find the most recent picture I recognize and tap through them. Picturesque shots from high in the clouds. His unbelievably adorable niece. Food-grams. A picture of a homemade pizza is making my mouth water and is still stuck in my mind when I happen upon the next photo, and the most recent one. The moisture in my mouth is wicked away, suddenly bone dry when the image in front of my eyes slowly registers with me. But I can’t believe it, even though I’m seeing it. I don’t want to see it, or believe it. The moisture reappears in the corners of my eyes quickly as a sourness quickly knits together in my gut. The image shakes in my hands and then blurs in my eyes, accented by the thrashing of my heart inside of my chest. 

“Skye!” I shout, the words leaping from my lips with little success. 

My lip wobbles and I feel my entire face collapse from pain, disbelief, the whole shebang. The sob screaming from my lips is muffled by my fingers coming to my mouth. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” I mutter, inhaling fast and feeling the tears in my throat. Because I can feel it everywhere in my body - the pain. In my eyes, my stomach, my hands, and my chest. The sight of Harry’s lips touching that of another girl’s sends knives into my heart, and my stomach roiling. “T-this can’t . . . ,” but my words escape me, because the multitudes of feelings punished with anguish and despair course through me. 

“Skye!” I yell again, not realizing that I’ve gotten to my feet. I stumble at first, feeling the weakness reach my legs. Her name leaves my lips wet with tears as I run past the kitchen and down the hall. 

Pushing open her door, darkness meets my eyes, and I swear in that moment it swallowed me. Hitting me, I grab the doorframe and feel my forehead fall against it. Leaning there for support, the sobs roll through me, the very reason still clutched in my hand. 

“Whaaaaat?” she groans tiredly from her bed across the room. 

But I only reply with a sob of her name, hiccups havocking my chest. My hands claw at the wall, darkness coating my eyelids. 

“Ree?” Skye asks groggily, the click of her lamp following her words. “What happened? Are you alright?” she hurries, the pillowy patting of her covers being thrown back meeting my ears. 

Her arms wrapping around me are almost numbing, and do nothing. And feel like nothing. But when I feel my head meet her chest, the slowed-down world I lived in for those few seconds vanishes. 

“Skye, I-. . . ,” I attempt, once again falling up short as tears suffocate my voice, much like they’re making me feel. Shakily, I press my phone into her hand as I try to find safety in her arms. 

I wait and then am rewarded with her intake of breath followed by a sigh. “Holy fuck,” she whispers, and retaliates by pulling me closer against her. “Come here, Ree.”

She walks me over to her bed and helps me under the covers until I’m surrounded by them, and her arms. 

“Who i-is she?” I demand sloppily, searching for something to hold onto and to anchor myself with. I’m compensated with the smooth fabric of her shirt that I cling to the back of, my head falling into her hair. The mundane scent of strawberries wafting from her body tries to relax me, but to no avail. 

“Ree-,” she begins, but I don’t let her start, let alone finish. 

“I want to kn- I need to know,” I respond, sniffling against the warm expanse of her neck. There’s shuffling next to me before she sighs, and I sense the light of my phone. Tapping prods at my hearing as I try to form coherent thoughts. 

I’m met with images of him. Harry. His dark curls, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and the high-pitched giggle that accompanied my tickling as well as his own. The intruding memories rack my body with shaking sobs, pressing my lips together as new tears gush over them. My belly contracts with each sob, and I don’t even register the cramping in my hands from holding on so tightly. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Skye hums warily from above, pulling my head into her neck, leaving her arm there to shield me from her words. Or the image that I can’t remove from my mind even if I tried. It’s burned there indefinitely now. 

His arms in a blue button-up surrounding her and his lips enveloping hers. A smile creasing his cheeks with happiness, and spreading to those of her dark cheeks. Her curvy body pressed against his, flowing ebony curls tickling her chocolate skin. 

“Tell me.”

“Okay,” Skye caves, the tips of her fingers running marathons along my back, in attempts to calm me down. But I don’t know if the tried and true will work this time, although it has for every other, even when my dad’s life was painted with the C-Word. “She’s a London based artist, does some sculpting and gallery work locally. According to her Instagram account, anyways.”

“I asked . . who is she?” I repeat, my voice wavering under the dominance of the tears. 

“Her name’s Bailee Taylor.”

“W-what does her page look . . . like?” I request, exhaustion blanketing me, and only adding another feeling to the rest. Blinking away the tears, I try to take in a deep breath, but my memories hit me with the safety I felt in his arms. Unwaveringly. 

“It looks like they’re . . dating,” Skye announces quietly, squeezing me around the middle. The confirmation I didn’t know I’d been searching for hits me like a train, knocking the air out of me again. And all of a sudden, hatred pulses through me, asking me where to lay it. Where to feel it. “There’s a few pictures of them on her feed, looks like they met maybe a few weeks ago.” 

“Why?” jumps from my lips finally, taking a nosedive to join a sea of unanswered questions. The word shakes the second it leapt from my tongue, and somehow it hurts more than all of the rest. “I h-hate him,” I cry, my nose smushing against her skin when I try to hold onto her tighter than I already am. 

“No, you don’t,” she coos, raking her fingers through my hair slowly, and carefully. 

“I know, b-but I wish I could,” I answer, the memories dancing through my head at hyper speed. Falling asleep in his arms, and waking up in them. The tickling fight. The almost kiss. The Scrabble game. Waking up to find him waiting there in the doorway. Him coming back even after the way I treated him. Finding him standing there at the front of the lecture hall. The reprieve of being in his arms again after so long spent away from them. And then, like a wall, my mind runs into the strings of unanswered texts. The canceled lunch dates. The both of us ignoring the other’s texts, but then at the end, it was him. It was him who was awkward during the last phone call. He hung up on me abruptly, and I heard somebody else was there. Was it her? It’s possible they would have already been together by then. He said he’d text me to set up lunch, and he never did. 

“It won’t make you feel better,” she murmurs, cupping my head with her palm. The sound of tears edging at her words only makes mine come harder, and the feeling in my gut grows louder. 

“Then what will?” I beg, wondering if I’ll ever forget the taste of the salty tears. A taste I thought I could forget just late last month when my dad was cured. News that I told him, and had been impatiently waiting to do all day. “I thought I was just feeling okay again, Skye.”

“I know, Ree, I’m so sorry,” she returns, placing her cheek against mine, the first tear peeking through in her voice. “I’m sorry.”

I unpeel myself from her anxiously, kicking away the blankets before my feet land on the floor. 

“Where are you going?” she almost demands, the sound of her following me far away. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” I confess, rushing down the hall before falling to my knees in front of the toilet. The Cheerios and milk from earlier make a reappearance, along with the string cheese, and mushy contents of my other meals. 

Running a cold cloth along my face, Skye kneels in front of me, her face painted in sadness.

“How can it hurt so much, Skye, when he wasn’t even mine?” I croak, focusing on the lone tile in our bathroom that doesn’t match the rest of the flooring. 

“I think you’re wrong, he was yours, Ree.”

“I was so close. I fucked up, again,” I weep, my lips collapsing with yet another sob. 

“Don’t say that, don’t,” she insists, tucking her hair behind her studded ear when it goes every which way with the shaking of her head. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it is. She’s so pretty . . Of course she is,” I remember aloud, breathing in quickly before the tears take hold of me once more. Closing my eyes, I reach out for her and let my head rest against her shoulder. 

“She really isn’t, Ree. A big pair of tits doesn’t make you pretty, and anyways, you’re far prettier. He could do much better, like you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I confess, trying to swallow, but my throat has tied itself into knots with the thoughts of him. And when that word falls out of bed inside of my head, I find that it can hurt worse. “I was his Becks, Skye, I thought it was right there. That it was gonna happen for us.”

“Oh, Ree,” she cries, sniffling against my hair when she pulls me against her. “I know, I’m so sorry . . so sorry.”

Nodding into her chest, it feels right as her necklace digs into my wet cheek. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth, and so does every other part of my body in some way. Somehow I let her bring me back to her bed, and hide me away in her arms. My head swims with questions, then fleeting hatred for him, and inconsolable longing the very next. I shed a tear for his smell, his contagious smile, that Scrabble game we’ll never finish, the churros I’ll never be able to eat again without him ruining them for me, the color of his eyes I could never forget, and the lost feeling of his lips I never got to kiss. The list miles long of things I never got to say to him, or do with him, or make him feel. Because now she does, and she isn’t me. 

“I-I thought . . that he felt the same way about me, and that somehow he knew that I loved him.” 

A whimper escapes Skye’s lips as my tears fall into her neck, adding to the puddle I’ve shed there. 

“What does she have that I don’t? Am I not interesting? Does she have a nicer body than I do? Am I not pretty enough? Was I not nice enough or appreciative of him?” I weep, the questions flowing off my lips from the recesses of my mind. My name greets my ears firmly, but I ignore it. “I was trying to answer his texts when I could, but things got so busy with uni and my dad. All the driving, the tests in both places, and I couldn’t keep dates right in my head. Maybe if I’d texted him back sooner that one time, or made the lunch date on the right day the first time-.”

“Becky, don’t do the ‘ifs’ thing,” Skye urges, pulling the covers further up our shoulders before returning to combing my hair back again and again. 

“But I can’t stop thinking about what went wrong, a-and how much I miss him, Skye. I miss him a hundred times more after seeing that picture,” I reveal, falling into her, my lips meeting her shoulder. My teeth dig into my skin and I let them, numb to the pain as the same word is too busy with my mind. “I don’t know if I ever wanna see him again.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to, I’ll always want to. Like something inside of me will always want him.” 

+

The sunlight streaming in through the windows is the first thing I see when I awake. Ducking my head back under the covers, I pull them over me with a groan. The blissful ignorance of the first few minutes after waking up follows me, until it all comes crashing back. 

“Are you awake?” a voice murmurs, sleep clinging to it. 

“Unfortunately,” I whisper, staring into the muted light underneath the gray covers. 

“I can stay home if you want me to, I was just making some breakfast,” Skye responds, the tapping of her feet along the floor following. 

“No, don’t cancel your hair appointments because of me. I’ll be . . I’ll be fine,” I tell her, but then the tears greet me good morning. 

“Oh, Ree, I’ll cancel and we can watch movies all day, or FRIENDS. Whatever you want,” she announces. The bed falls to one side when she sits on the edge, and I feel her hand find my back. 

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d say that,” I return, turning around and sitting up to dive into her arms. “I was hoping I had dreamt it all and it was just a bad dream. But my life is the bad dream.”

“Oh, Ree,” she coos, surrounding me with her arms. “I know this is cliche and it doesn’t feel like it, but it’ll get better.”

“I don’t know about that. My life is a running joke lately because it feels like it’ll get better, and then it just gets worse.”

+

“Your birthday is coming up, isn’t it, Becky?” somebody asks. Looking up from my cupcake, I find the face of Sophie. 

“Yeah, end of next week,” I answer, picking an orange sprinkle from the white frosting to eat.

“Do you have any big plans?” my boss asks as she places her lunch in the microwave. 

“My brother and I hang out every year, we’re twins.”

“Oh, how fun! I remember meeting him once when he brought you lunch one day,” she smiles, turning to face me as she waits in front of the humming microwave. 

I just nod and dip my finger into the frosting, feeling it melt on my tongue a second later. 

“Everything alright, love?”

“Yep, just tired is all,” I fib, taking a bite of the carrot cupcake, although I’m not wrong when I think about it. Skye has been a lifesaver for the last two weeks helping me get back on my feet. Thinking back on it and all of the tears leaves a funny taste in my mouth, but I try to brush it away with a forced smile. 

“How old will you be this year, Becky?” Sophie asks, pulling out a rolling chair to sit to my right at the long table. 

“Good old 26.”

“Wow, still a spring chicken, I’d say,” she comments, bringing a quirky smile to my lips. I almost follow her laugh with mine. “Well you know what, an early birthday present from me is you can have the rest of the day off. You always do a great job, Becky, and so you deserve it.”

“Sophie, I-,” I begin, my jaw falling to the floor. 

“I mean it, go. Get out of here. Go do something that makes you happy, love, it looks like you need to,” she smiles, squeezing my arm from across the table. Standing to my feet, profuse ‘thank yous’ leave my lips before I leave the break room. 

I drive around with my windows down, unsure of where to go instead of home. Before I know it, I find myself walking into my favorite little coffee shop. I’ve always loved to hang out here with a cup, reading a book, doing homework, or just relaxing on one of their sofas. 

Soon, I sit down with a Cubano sandwich and an iced cinnamon roll coffee, my very favorite. Pulling a book out of my work bag, I crack it open to the first page, unable to remember when I last had the time to read a book for fun. The words of Ruth Ware stare back at me, slowly drawing me into a made-up world, and away from the desolate one trying to swallow me. 

Quickly, I’m grateful for the respite from the thoughts mucking up my mind. Instead I lose myself in the sentences that spin a scary story, thanking my old self for stashing something besides a romance in my bag. That’s the last thing I could even think about indulging in right now. For some reason, the mystery entices me, a genre I’ve always had a love for. I think, especially now, it’s the aspect of being able to solve a mystery, and to fix a problem. If only I could do that now, I wish silently with a spiteful snort. 

Placing my empty plate on the return area by the cash register, I return to my cozy spot on the couch and to my book. Losing my fingers in my hair, I prop my head up and open the book to where I had left off. Soft indie music trickles from the speakers as conversations float around me. Several more sofas are dotted around the large room and booths, as well as tables varying in sizes. Friends play board games borrowed from the shelf by the fireplace, and others do schoolwork or actual work. A laugh from behind the counter echos through the room, right as the bell on the front door jingles. Although across the room, I can hear the voices floating in from the sidewalk. Cars honking and birds chirping. The sounds make me itch to leave the air-conditioned room, and bring my reading outside into the June sunshine. 

The words covering the pages root me to the spot, but they can’t protect me from what I hear. It’s a voice that I know inside and out, from the shortened words to the often used words. My vocal cords soon begin to tangle into knots in my throat at the mere noise. Beneath my baby blue blouse, there’s a clobbering in my chest as the voice grows near and then stops. Instinctively, hair falls through my fingers as I lower my head, wishing to remain unseen. Unknown. 

I can’t stop myself, and there I am looking up to see that crinkly-eyed smile through wrenching tears. 

Harry.