#bride of the living dummy

[fairydust-stuff]

I love Slappy as a villian but I find the Goosebumps fandom's attempts to sanitize Slappy and down play his darker aspects really dam annoying

Seriously,please, stop trying to explain/ insist Slappy really isn't a predator/abuser who tried to marry a little girl. When its actual text just because you like the character.

The whole point of Slappy in his books is he is hurting these kids and no one ever believes them. They think they're the bad ones, the troublemakers.

In the book Slappy hits Jullian calling it " A love tap!" And yet some fans still act like Slappy wasn't meant as a stand in for an abusive partner?

Bride of the Living dummy adaptation takes this further with Katie

Slappy states " You'll be mine Katie....you'll be my slave forever." an actual quote from the episode.

Also, let's not ignore the look of want he had which is later revealed to be aimed at Katie at his show.

and then there's the Jimmy & Slappy

Slappy & Zane subtext which is a whole other post but yeesh!

People who insist the adult villian doesn't understand what marriage is or is just trying to scare the girls are just grasping at straws at this point.

I love Slappy but I adore him for being the nasty, irredeemable, creepy pedo shit he is. Who gets defeated by his abuse victims almost every dam time.

There is way more value in that to me than some sanitized BS where Slappy really isn't that threatening its ok see he didn't really mean it see! He's not that bad. He didn't know better honest.

Funnily enough, I've heard from people about actual abusers in real life.

[nahyerart]

She loves Uno

[calebs-hangout-corner]

Please, someone, this tablet is making me too powerful.

[loverhorror]

[there-are-many-ways-to-smile]

I'm not 100 but I think the spell Harold's Ancestor was going to complete before he was like "Yeah this isn't for me" is related to the ending of the Goosebumps episode titled "Bride of the living dummy" because we see Slappy get destroyed and his soul ends up in the character's brother body and I think that has a good chance of happening.

[lz-doodler-trashpit]

Alright Tumblr help me out here. I will die on the hill that Slappy is not attracted to Jillian and he only was playing along with Mary-Ellen’s game (doll-dummy solidarity) until it no longer benefitted him and then he decided to be edgy to scare off the kids. So here’s a poll:

[rjrogelart]

Day 24: Creepy Doll

[redflagshipwriter]

Hot Ghouls in Your Area

Chapter 2

It was a very weird ride. Danny felt like he was an authority on uncomfortable and strange conversations, given his bizarre family and all the experiences he'd had: but it was exquisitely uncomfortable sitting next to his bride sacrifice and making conversation.

The guy didn't offer his name. He was- honestly, he was built. Danny tried not to get caught visually measuring how absurdly broad the guy's shoulders were. He was weirdly offended that the cultists had sent him someone who was more ripped than he was.

"What's that?" The guy prompted. Jason. This guy's name was Jason. It was a little hard to keep in mind given he didn't really look like a Jason. He looked like… The Red Biker 👻😱🩸 or some shit.

Danny mentally rewound his own babbling and brightened when he realized that there was at least some interest in NASA's newest telescope. He infodumped on rote. It genuinely was an interesting topic! But he'd told 3 people about it already so it didn't take all of his attention.

At one point, Jason pinched his middle finger and used the grip to pull off his glove. Danny swallowed. He tried not to stare at the first glimpse of skin. It was not super light or super dark– a little tanner than Danny, maybe. Not that that said much when he was living like a cave creature in a dorm room, trying to get the grades to be an astronaut.

'He's human,' Danny thought. Of course he was, he'd been sent from earth, but-

He just felt like a ghost.

The confusion put his hackles up. It was weird to perceive this guy as a possible threat. But he wasn't! He was just some hot dummy who got caught by friggin Jeremy Waters. Jeremy. Come on. It didn't get much sadder than that.

But overall? He could see why the Infinite Realms had gotten mixed up enough to accept this guy. Red was definitely weird enough to be a ghost, dressed up for the combination war front/biker bar/club. He hadn't made a move to take off his ugly motorcycle helmet the whole time they'd been talking. It was kind of creepy, to be honest.

The most disturbing part was that he smelled, like, really good. He smelled like sexy death and Danny kinda wanted to roll around in it like the world's most educated cat.

It was with some relief that Danny bounded away from his semi husband, up the stairs to Clockwork. "You know who it is and why I'm here!" He hollered, hands making a megaphone shape around his mouth. "Help me! I'm too young to be a child bride."

"Technically," Clockwork said, floating pleasantly into view, "you are too old to be a child bride. As you are not a child, Danny."

He waved that off. "I'm a kid on the inside," he dismissed. "And 19 is basically a high schooler."

"As you say." Clockwork drifted away. Danny followed. "How is your university coursework?"

"It's fine." Danny shrugged. "The Gen Eds are giving me war flashbacks to Mr. Lancer, though."

"You liked him," Clockwork said.

Danny bristled. "I did not!"

He kinda had. Mr. Lancer could have been a lot worse.

That was beside the point. Danny caught up to his ghost mentor. "I can't be distracted from this," he said, aiming for stern. "There's some human out there who wants to go home. I also want him to go home. How do we make that happen ?"

"Why Danny, have you forgotten about portals?"

Danny scowled. "You know what I mean," he groused. "I want to send him home single. Unattached. Not married to me at all."

Clockwork finally stopped moving and looked directly at him. His large eyes held only a kind of curiosity. "I suppose that you could banish him. That would have the effect of ending your relationship."

Danny hesitated. He'd learned that accepting suggestions on their face could go very badly. "That seems kinda harsh," he said. "Would there be any repercussions of that?"

Clockwork hummed from the back of his throat. "Yes, it would prevent young Jason from becoming a ghost when he passes again. Excuse me, I want that shelf behind you."

Danny moved out of the way on reflex before he processed those words. "That sounds bad."

The older ghost seemed to shrug. "The Ghost king can banish ghosts, and your paramour is ghostly enough to qualify. It would solve your current dilemma."

He deliberately chose not to respond to the word 'paramour.'

"I'm actually looking for a solution that doesn't interfere with the state of his soul and afterlife," Danny said dryly. Then he blinked. "You're really gonna call him Jason?"

Clockwork reached up and withdrew a metal object from the shelf. It clicked in his hand. "Indeed."

Danny waited for another divorce suggestion. When Clockwork didn't give one, he groaned. "How do I find another solution?" He asked, tired. This was another test, wasn't it? It was a chance for him to problem solve on his own.

That netted him a beaming smile. "You should take him to the royal library."

"And look for information about ghost divorces?" Danny asked. Clockwork gave him an enigmatic smile.

He chose to believe that was a yes. Danny patted his mentor's shoulder. "Thanks!" He shouted, already turning on his heel. "I'll do that. Have a good day!"

"Goodbye, Danny."

Jason hadn't moved at all, sitting weirdly tense and tall in the passenger seat. Danny gave him a nervous smile as he jumped in.

"Did you find out anything?" Jason asked. His voice was even enough to obscure whatever it was he thought, and the helmet made the words come out kinda flat and mechanical.

Danny winced. "Yes and no," he said, trying to find cheerful. "The first solution seems kinda bad, to be honest, so let's go to the library and look for another one!"

"...Ghosts have public libraries?" Jason said.

"No," Danny said. And then he frowned. "Maybe? I don't know. I haven't seen one but I haven't been here long. We're going to Pariah's creepy old castle to look at his library." He started up the Specter Speeder and took off. "It's big. And he was a real creep, so he probably had, uh." He cleared his throat. "Paramours." His face was getting hot and red. Maybe it wasn't obvious. He tried to look unaffected. "Probably why that ritual was out there," he babbled. Wow, the minutes separating their destinations felt very long when he was digging a verbal hole. "He probably had a lot of sacrifices he accepted, maybe that's where the skeleton army came from actually."

"Skeleton army?" Jason managed to sound incredulous through the world's ugliest motorcycle helmet. "How do ghosts and skeletons both exist in proximity?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, if you don't need the physical body to exist, why would anyone retain their corpse?"

Danny laughed nervously. "Yeah, that's weird," he agreed.

'Don't ask me afterlife questions,' he mentally begged. 'I just work here. I don't know the answers.'

"Metaphysically-"

"Do you like sports?" Danny interrupted in a high voice.

Jason paused. "No. Do you?"

"...Not really," Danny admitted, thinking of getting ganged up on in dodgeball and knocked down in basketball.

They existed in what felt like a confused silence for a few minutes. Danny parked the Speeder outside of the castle and I clicked his seatbelt with a rush of relief. "We're here," he said. He threw open the top.

Jason didn't move from where he was flat against the backrest, only lifting his head. "... Should I come too?"

Danny blinked down at him and waved a hand in invitation. "Yeah, let's go. This is kinda my place now so I can invite you in."

Jason moved forward abruptly, like he'd just gotten unstuck from the seat. Something about it looked wrong to his hindbrain. But Danny dismissed it and started off at a jog. It wasn't his business if Jason was a weird little guy. (Weird big guy? It didn't sound the same, but Jason wasn't petite.)

Jason paused on the battlements. Danny looked back and tried to see it from his perspective. The architecture was jagged, pitch black, and without any of the friendly colorful touches a castle should have. "It's kind of creepy," he said apologetically. "Pariah has just the worst vibe. Rancid energy."

"...Is it smart to say that?" Jason wondered. He started walking again.

Danny shrugged. "What's he gonna do to me?" He asked rhetorically. "Get his butt kicked again?"

[dckweed]

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, gator tillman

in which gator tillman and his arranged bride figure out life and each other and what a real relationship means to them.

warnings: mentions and depictions of abuse, mentions of bruises, arranged marriages, romance, humor, dead parents, slow burn relationship (not completely but not not), basically we know the tillman men are asswipes so i 100% see Roy forcing gator into this kind of situation for money for his militia, eventual smut with kinks such as thigh riding, gun play, choking, spanking, lots of marking and possible spit play.

hello my loves! its been a bit but here we go! here's part five! please know that i am also open to drabble requests for this series! my inbox is open!

series masterlist, series playlist

PART FIVE: the ring and the church pews 

Saturday morning came round sooner than you would have liked it to, you had for once slept so well curled up into Gator’s side subconsciously that you didn’t want to get up, you wanted to bask in the well rested sleepiness of the darkness of his room, curtains drawn tight and his warm body and comforter surrounding you, but his sisters had other plans. The alarm clock had barely struck seven when his bedroom door was being flung open, feet pattering across the carpet. 

“Oh my god, Maude it’s not gross in here..” You heard Jessica whisper, though it was the loudest whisper you’d ever heard in your life. “There’s no boxers all over the floor..or stinky socks..she’s like Mary Poppins!” 

You snort at the comparison, having already been awake and raise your head so your chin is resting on Gator’s hard, toned stomach, looking at them through the dim light streaming in from the hallway. Gator was still snoring and you couldn’t have been bothered to lift yourself all the way up. “Whatcha need girls?” You ask, voice thick with sleepiness still. One of the twins jumps at the sound of your voice, not having expected you to be awake you assume. “You want breakfast?”

Maude, you think nods her head quickly and you barely see it. She must be the shy one, you realize. “We didn’t think you were awake yet..mama doesn’t let us in the kitchen alone,” She says, still in her pink pajama set. “Says we might burn the house down..thought we’d wake up Gator..” 

You hum, already sitting up some as Gator still snores beside you. “I’m already up, might as well get you two fed, huh?” You scoot gently down to the end of the bed, your feet not even touching the ground when you throw your legs over the edge. “Got a long day ahead of us trying on dresses..” 

The girls follow you out of the room, excitedly talking about the bridal shop and how they’d never been to one. You shut the door once they’re out of it, closing it gently to let Gator stay asleep before you follow them down the stairs. “French toast sound good?” You had made Gator buy the big thick bread yesterday at the store, and cinnamon creamer to soak it in to absorb the flavor. 

The smell of cooking food and brewing coffee fills the house, the sounds of bacon sizzling in a frying pan and cartoons on the television in the living room accompanied by giggles from two girls made you feel so calm and content, as if you were home. Something about it reminded you of weekend mornings with your mom before she married Boyd, before life as you had known it (happy and loving) had been snatched from you, replaced with cold, calm and collected, emptiness. 

You smile as a particularly fond memory of your mother making you breakfast plays in your mind, not hearing the shuffling steps into the kitchen, or the large, warm body behind you until his thick bicep is draped around you. “Whatcha makin’?” His voice is thick with sleep, his words followed by a yawn. You damn near drop the hot spatula you’re holding, heart racing. “Damn, you okay?” 

“Scared the shit outta me, Gator!” You half heartedly yell, glancing behind you with narrowed eyes. “I’m makin’ breakfast whats it look like dummy?” He rolls his eyes at you and nudges you out of his way, reaching up into the cabinet to grab a coffee mug from the top shelf. You don’t notice him grab two of them until he’s handing one to you, filled with coffee and a bit of creamer. “Thank you..”  You say, taking a sip. 

He hums in response, leaning against the counter next to you as you cook. “Girls bein’ a menace?” He asks, eyes trained on the living room doorway. You shake your head no, and he hums again, taking a long drink off of his mug before putting an electric vape to his lips. You scrunch your face in disgust and thankfully he doesn’t see it. “Ready for dress shopping?”

“Absolutely!” You say, face lighting up. “Boyd is bringing Tori and Lucy to the boutique so they can try on their dresses with your sisters while i look around for a gown..” You plate the bacon that had finished frying, carrying it off to the table. You don’t notice him following you with the plate of french toast in his free hand. “Gonna run his damn amex sky high today,” You giggle, thinking about it. It was truly your only form of revenge currently and you were just dying at the thought of what todays price tag is going to be. 

“‘atta  girl!” Gator drawls, going to corral his sisters to sit down for breakfast. 

The boutique is quaint but has a seemingly massive selection of gowns, you and the girls spend nearly two hours picking out dresses for them and while they’re trying them on (and showing them to Gator, keeping him too distracted to follow right along with you and your step-father), you’re in a different part of the store, picking out wedding dress options. Boyd is tailing you, making sure you’re picking out options that are suitable enough, he had a reputation to up-keek around town and wouldn’t let you spend his money on something outrageous looking, and when he’s satisfied with the pile you’ve gathered with his approval he turns on his heel with an order to bring your sisters home when you’re finished for the day before disappearing from the store. 

You breathe a sigh of relief, turning unhappily to the stack of dresses you had been left to choose from when you hear Gator. “You four all look pretty, how could I ever decide..” And you giggle because it was very obvious to you that he had stopped paying attention a while ago and was just appeasing them. The girls go back into their dressing rooms and your fiance turns to look at you, smile tugging at his lips before he starts heading towards you. He had been tense ever since Boyd decided to hang around, it was weird to see him suddenly relaxed as soon as he had left. “I’m gonna step out for a bit, go get coffee for us..” He says, giving you a kiss on the cheek which you assume is just for show to the person helping you with the dresses (it would look weird if you guys didn’t act in love as an engaged couple). You smile and nod, watching him go before turning back to the shop attendant. 

“Thank god, i was trying to think of a way to get him out of here so he wouldn’t see the dresses..” You laugh before following the woman into a large, empty dressing room. They may not have been dresses that you absolutely loved, but they were expensive none the less and you were bound determined to rack up a bill on the amex card. 

You don’t even realize that over an hour passes before you see Gator again, trying on and viewing several different dresses with the girls, whom all ooh’ed and ahh’ed over the white gowns that had been chosen. You were absolutely stuck on and surprisingly in love with one of the more expensive dresses (a win-win situation you supposed); a simple ivory satin gown that hugged your figure, but flared out loosely past your knees. It was a mermaid silhouette, without being completely tight down to your feet, it was perfectly simple and elegant all at the same time. The shoulder straps were made from genuine pearls, something you were certain aided in the price being so high that you got a little nervous looking at price tag. It looked stunning on you, and it needed minimal tailoring. 

You were just slipping back into your jean shorts and tshirt (why would you need to dress nice to go dress shopping?), telling the attendant that that would be what you were going to purchase the gown when the bell above the front door rang and the girls shouted “Gator!”. 

“Where’s Pearl?” You hear, and stick your head out of the dressing room, trying to pull your shorts on. “Oh, I’ll be right back girls..” He walks over towards the dressing room, and expecting him to stay outside, you pop your head back in, finishing buttoning your bottoms before slipping your sandals back on. 

“What too-” You start to ask, turning around. You’re greeted with his chest, not having noticed he had following you into the room and was standing right behind you. “Jesus Christ, Gator!” 

He narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t take the lords name in vain, baby..” He says with complete seriousness to the pint that you’re about to apologize when he speaks again. “I, uh..walked by a jewelry store on my way to the coffee shop, and I..realized that you’re kind of missing an important part of being engaged..” You furrow your brows at him, confused until he pulls a small black box from behind his back. “We’re going to Church tomorrow, and people are gonna ask if you don’t have one..” 

“Gator, I-” He puts a finger over your mouth to shush you, shaking his head at you. He opens the box and your eyes widen, tears welling up in your eyes. It was fucking beautiful, and probably fucking expensive, he spent all that money on a piece of jewelry for you and he barely even knew you. “Oh my god..” You breathed. “It’s beautiful..” 

Gator tsk’s at you, shaking his head. “Again with the takin’ his name in vain..” He’s being playful, you know and you can’t help but smack his chest lightly, glad that this is happening in somewhat privacy. “It’s almost two carats..whatever the fuck that means..thought you might like it because it’s real simple, you know?”

And you truly did. It was an oval cut diamond, set by itself on a simple gold band. It was absolutely gorgeous and even in the lighting of the dressing room it was absolutely sparkling. “Gator..” You look up at him as he takes your left hand in his, slipping the ring onto your ring finger. “Thank you..” You whisper, pushing up on your tiptoes to leave a lingering kiss to his cheek. 

“There..now it looks more legit..” He says, skin flushing where your lips had touched him. The moment is sweet and tender, and probably would have ended in the two of you kissing properly for the first time had your sisters’ voices not echoed in from outside. 

“Pearl! We’re hungry!” 

Gator has to pull you out of bed by your feet come Sunday morning, grumpily telling you to get your ass in gear and get a move on. Church started at 9, and you weren’t even out of bed yet at 8. You hadn’t been to church since your mother passed away, the last time you stepped foot inside of one was the day of her funeral when you and Boyd and the girls had gathered in the first pew with all of his friends and family behind you guys to talk about her and view her one last time before they would put her in the ground. You hadn’t particularly been looking forward to this part of the weekend, but it was one of the few things Gator had asked of you and you felt obligated to oblige, especially now that you were wearing what you were sure as an expensive diamond on your finger (he refused to tell you the price). 

Within fifteen minutes you’ve brushed out your hair, leaving it to hang below your shoulders as you slip on a yellow sundress. “Gator!” You holler from his bedroom, your suitcase thrown open on the floor as you danced around awkwardly in the middle of the room, one arm turned around behind you and the other reached over your shoulder as you tried to pull the zipper up on the back of your dress. “Gator!” You yell again, frustrated. 

You hear his heavy footsteps come stomping up the stairs and then the door creaking open. “The fuck are you doin’?!” He asks from the doorway, hands on his hips as he watches you do an awkward little dance in the middle of his room. You stomp one of your feet and mumble about how you can’t get the damned zipper to go up before he sighs and steps into the room to help you. “Stop squirmin’!” He smacks your shoulder lightly, trying to get you to stand still as he comes up behind you, one hand on your lower back, the other fingering the culprit of your frustration. He pulls it up with little effort his hands going up to your shoulders, rubbing them absentmindedly once he’s got it all the way closed. “Need’ta get goin’, gonna be late..” He murmurs, large hands massaging your shoulders. You hum at his words, leaning back against him a little sleepily, wanting to stand like that all day with him until Jessica comes into the room, asking if you thought her shoe’s matched her dress. 

The church is beautiful, old pews and hand stained windows with sunlight filtering through, you bask in the different colors being thrown off as the pastor gives his sermon, not paying attention to a damn bit of it. You focus mostly on the man next to you, his hand on your thigh in what some people would call an inappropriate manner as he listened intently to what was being spoken. He would lean towards his sisters every now and then, eyes never leaving the preacher as he asked them softly if they were following along or if they needed him to explain what the pastor might mean later. When the pastor was done, and the whole congregation had sung hymns that you honestly couldn’t believe you still remembered, you stood with Gator in the pew that he had chosen for you guys, shaking hands and greeting awestruck and disbelieving faces of people. 

“Hon, this is Coach Deans,” Gator says, a big proud smile on his face that made him look oh so beautifully handsome in that moment as he greeted the man with a hug and more warmth than you’d ever seen him give to his own father in the short time you’d known him. “My football coach all through highschool!” 

You smile graciously and take the mans hand, he catches your left in his own, inspecting the ring adorning your finger. “I have to say Gator, i thought the rumor going around town was just that..a rumor..” The man says, a big smile on his face. “Never thought I’d see the day..” He shakes his head and you wonder what the man means by that, but don’t ask, not wanting to interrupt their conversation. You leave Gator’s side for a brief moment, busying yourself with the girls and their small group of friends from other church going kids when you hear the question. “When’s the engagement party?” 

You and Gator share a look of absolute confusion, what the fuck is an engagement party? You both questioned silently, you shrug your shoulders and he gives a small shake of his head before turning back to his coach. 

You sigh, pulling your phone out to google what exactly an engagement party was and damn near start to cry in the middle of the church pews when you realize its yet another event for you plan alongside your quickly upcoming wedding. 

The two of you talk about it later that night in his room, you in his desk chair, head in your hands as he sprawls across the bed, nothing on but a white wife beater and some boxer shorts. The girls had gone to bed hours ago, and you guys had stayed up to plan an engagement party. “You’d think Boyd would have planned all this, or your father seeing as all of this is their doing anyway.” You pout, arms crossed over your chest as you stand up, overwhelmed with the details of everything that you had to do in the next few weeks. 

Gator makes a hum of agreement, eyes on the ceiling as you move about the room, finding yourself in front of the shelf that had the photos from his childhood on it, the ones with two different women in them and you just can’t help yourself anymore, you blurt out the question that had been plaguing you all weekend. “Gator?” He hums again  from his spot on the bed behind you, and you take the leap. “Who are these women in your photos?” He doesn’t answer for a while, and when you turn around you see he’s sitting up in the middle of the bed, legs pulled to his chest. He had a look on his face that you couldn’t decipher, a mix of pain and sadness and..anger. You’re about to tell him never mind, that you didn’t mean to overstep boundaries when he finally answers. 

“My mama,” He says so softly you think that you’re having auditory hallucinations. You see him swallow before he looks at you, pulling his legs closer to himself, as if he’s protecting something. “On the left..my actual mama..she..died, according to my dad.” He says, voice thick with whatever he’s feeling. “And on the right, Nadine..” You want to ask more, but don’t push him, you can tell it’s emotional for him and you didn’t want him to feel obligated to tell you about his childhood just because you were curious. “Sometimes i wish Nadine had been my actual Mama..she was better at it than she was..” A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and he looks up at you. “You remind me a lot of her y’know? Sh’woulda liked you alot..”

taglist:

@ruth-barnes @justherebecausesafarisucks @daisy-is-a-writer @xxbookdrunkdemigodxx @girlwiththerubyslippers @keerygal @lilllbabyyy @boa-hemian @sweetdazequeen @emilyj444 @whisperingwillowxox @babyqnn @lou-la-lou @aestheticaltcow @finalmoondragon @boxofsmittens @pollyspocketdimension @kassy-munson @frostandflamesfanfic @mysticalstar30 @totally-bogus-timelady @nerdypinupcrystal @emmiecrush5-blog @witchcovenboys @starksbabie @marrowfrog00 @boop369 @lelenikki @xmalfoyweasleyx @girlwiththerubyslippers @keerysfolklore @gothicwidowsworld @palmtreesx3 @sacr1ficial-lamb @kingdomkitten32 @littlelovebug98 @cillsnostalgia @stardancerluv

[nahyerart]

You find her on your front porch, wyd?

[calebs-hangout-corner]

I'M SORRY BUT SLAPPY'S ":D" IS KILLING ME

[go-go-gadget-autism]

the princess bride explained badly and also from memory

buttercup: i like playing in the mud and being dirty raahhhh

wesley: i brought you a pail of water

buttercup: kill yourself farm boy

wesley: as you wish

buttercup: i’m really pretty now and i have a crush on farm boy, many men are coming to be my suitor but i have only eyes for this boy who lives in a little mud hut outside of my house

prince guy i forgot his name: fuck you and your farm boy i’m going to torture your boyfriend to the brink of insanity so that you will only be mine

buttercup: noooooo aaarrrggghhhh

hunchback vizzini guy: we are going to kidnap the princess

andre the giant: i like to rhyme and i also like peanuts :))

hunchback: kill yourself

inigo montoya: you’re a dick and you keep using words wrong

buttercup: why did you kidnap me that wasn’t nice

vizzini: shut up or i’ll cut your throat

man in black who’s definitely not wesley: i’m gonna kidnap the princess from you kidnappers

inigo montoya: fight me first and then i’ll have a really cool flashback scene where i kill the guy who killed my dad and then i also discover you’re a master swordsman which is craaaazy cuz i thought i was the only master swordsman and then i lose but don’t die because i’m pretty and also need to be used for plot later on

man in black(not wesley deffff): poggers

andre the giant: i’m going to wrestle you and then get trapped under a rock but live also for plot later on

man in black: poggers

vizzini: we are going to play a game of luck and if you lose i kill this bitch, one of the cups are poisoned

MiB: i will drink this one

vizzini: dummy, don’t start a land war in asia and don’t play a game of luck with a sicilian! dies

MiB: i poisoned both of the cups with iocane powder cause i built up a resistance. come here princess

buttercup: get away from me you creep

MiB(wesley????): assss youuu wiiissshhhh…… falls off a cliff

buttercup: aw fuck. also falls off a cliff

wesley: now we’re both fucked, i would have been able to climb back up cuz i’m a big strong testosterone man and you’re not. oh well looks like we’ll have to go through snake forest and poison quicksand desert to get back to the city

prince king guy: loser i’m stealing her again

wesley: ahhhh i must be dead

inigo and andre: hey witch man bring this dude back to life

witch dude: shit man sure i’m good with dead people and i hate my hag wife

buttercup: i’m going to kill myself and have repeated dreams of my tit milk being so sour my children die

wesley: nooo aha your boobs are so sexy don’t kill yourself

princess: we must run away

inigo: wait maybe this is actually the moment we’re i get the cool fight i kinda forgot??

buttercup: wesley we must ride away together and end the story in a way that’s a little bit confusing but we’ll probably have a happy ending weeeeee go horse goooo

[stans-kissing]

hello ladies and gents as my first post back i pr4esent to you: stancest dracula au (kinda) because i fucking LOVE dracula and am currently on my 4th reread

okay so hear me out ok hear me out. the stan twins right. one goes missing as a child (stan) and ford is left to be raised by himself, eventually becoming a real estate solicitor cuz hes a nerd ok yadda yadda he goes to transylvania for some old fart to stay in his dumb castle....the guy is very clearly old as all hell with terrible english and stanford is Annoyed because fords just an asshole like that ok and he like kinda fucking hates the guy,.

anyWAYS yadda yadda typical dracula shenanigans ensue ford starts to think he's losing his mind and writing in his journals like a mad man (his journals = diary to mina. also another sidenote. mina is fiddleford. happy fiddauthor friday everynyan.) umm stanford has dreams of fiddleford.. but then halfway through they change into this old guy on top of him and hes likeWoah why did i enjoy that . whar . (urm cuz ur bloods bein sucked dry dummy) and as time goes on and stanford slowly loses himself he thinks hes genuinley losing his mind when he starts to notice how this old man is slowly getting.. younger? and also looks a surprising amount like him..???? plot twust! is stan ;] he just hadnt fed in a while so he looked all old n gross :p but ford doesnt know that ok moving on

the scene in the book when he discovers draculas brides: his brides are dipper and mabel, when they find him passed out on the couch they're like little sprites climbin all curious like over him and are evil twins and mabel's about to bite his neck and dip's about to kiss him when stan comes in and tells them to fuck off and stan is his and they cant eat him

uerrmmm anyways ending scene when ford realizes whats going on he is so confused because why does this guy look like him so much and why is he doing this to ford, and im imaging this whole dramatic scene where stans holding ford up because he's too weak from bloodloss and exhaustion to move and he's like its me, stanford, its stanley. i needed to bring you here, to be with me, you're the perfect bride. the only thing im missing in this eternal life, we can be whole again. andfords liek WHAT WH A WH AHW wh and then passes the fuck out and yeah whatever

stan's whole idea was yeah if my brother lets me eat him then he can live inside me together. blood is lives, when he drinks blood he's essentially drinking part of their life, consuming their memories and everything along with it .

anyways. thinking aboutht hiis o sohard. will probablt make a part 2 whre he goes after fidds (mina) cuz why not sprinkle some fiddlestan in there too. make them all kiss.

[fairyrcts]

about me , j.h.

by fairyrcts contents - intended lowercase , just me talking about myself !

hihi everyone. for those who are just coming to my page , welcome and to those who've been here before , welcome back.

my name's jasmine, i'm currently 18 and i live in the sunny state of florida. i'm italian and venezuelan and am originally from italy, but english is my first language.

i'm in multiple fandoms , most of which i will hopefully get around to writing. the main people i write for are the sturniolo triplets and nathan doe, who you'll see constantly on my page.

i'm a music lover, so all of my fics are based on songs. i love artists such as frank ocean, tyler, the creator, sza, the neighbourhood, arctic monkeys, chase atlantic, amy winehouse, fiona apple, adrienne lenker, pheobe bridgers, faye webster, childish gambino, the weeknd, tv girl, clairo, mac demarco, deftones, radiohead, beabadoobee, steve lacy, alex g, the cranberries, wallows, the smiths, lana del rey, brent faiyaz, playboi carti, ken carson, mitski, laufey and many, many more!

i'm a huge filmography lover so some of my favorite movies are flipped, a walk to remember, (500) days of summer, juno, bones and all, mysterious skin, the half of it, 50/50, speak, corpse bride, words on bathroom walls, waves, mid 90s, me before you, la la land, donnie darko, black swan, dummy, i believe and unicorns, the notebook, girl interrupted, if i stay, uptown girls, blue valentine, frankenwienie, edward scissorhands, perks of being a wallflower, hot summer nights, boys don't cry, beautiful boy, little miss sunshine, brokeback mountain and so many more.

fun facts about me, i wrote a 32 page essay on frank ocean's album blond for my sophmore year essay contest, i'm really into poetry, i love wes anderson and tim burton, autumn is my favorite season, my biggest celebrity crush is matthew gray gubler, i have an unhealthy obsession with zaxby's, i'm super passionate about every little thing, i've rewatched love island like 4 times and have a poster of rob from season 6 hanging on my wall.

i'm really not all that interesting, i just say stupid stuff that makes me sound funny so then people think i'm personable or whatnot. buttt i promise i'm really sweet and i'm here for literally anybody, i swear.

thank you thank you thank you for taking the time to read about me even though it probably wasn't as exciting as you might've thought, i still appreciate each and every one of my readers and anyone who interacts.

- love , jasmine !

[wizardbracket]

Round 5: Match 4 of 4

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE BREAK

Why they deserve to be the ultimate wizard according to YOU:

Ms. Frizzle:

Vanquished (so far): Fujimoto, Peter Grant, Magneto, Gonzo the Great

"She's got the brains she's got the iconic outfits she's got the little cute familiar she's got the eccentric personality shes got the love"

"I must choose the woman who wholeheartedly embodies a wizard in every aspect of her life"

"The bus isn't even metal. It's some kind of organic life force. Which she created and maintains"

"I’m gonna go for the lady who owns a lizard and drives a living and rapidly transforming flesh bus thing."

"only a fool votes against Ms Frizzle"

"The frizz has the vibes and also i love her"

"i WILL die for her"

"She's magic. That's all I have to say."

"let my wonderful eccentric teacher wizard be the queen of these polls. so mote it be"

"She's the most wizardly woman with modern style that ive seen as of yet ... Miss. Frizzle is very obviously all about that sweet sweet pursuit of knowledge .. the very backbone of her use of magic is academia so she's very securely a wizard"

"ms frizzle my beloved my childhood crush the dream teacher"

Miracle Max:

Vanquished (so far): Merlin (Emrys), Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dr. Facilier, Jareth

"Gandalf and Radagast had a child and that kid grew up to marry a witch/wife, raise the mostly dead, keep the change in the completly dead's pockets and help a pirate, a giant and a spanish to storm a castle. He covers his potions in chocolate so that they taste better and can't stand to hear the name of the white, spoiled, elitist, rich kid who fired him"

"billy crystal improvised his entire humperdinck off and had the time of his goddamn life"

"Miracle Max is an ICON"

"Max is also wacky and hilarious. Like can you really beat 'ah a witch! I'm not a witch! I'm yer WIFE!"

"He can raise the (mostly) dead"

"Miracle Max is ICONIC, he almost stopped production!"

"Cary Elwes (Westley) had to be replaced with a dummy so he would stop laughing in scenes!"

[goobersplat]

As a child I loved my local Family Video, here’s a little recreation of the kids free section. The banner is genuine and the VHS tapes are ones I remember renting (expect Goosebumps, I vividly remember staring at it but I was too afraid to rent it 😂)

Goosebumps: Bride of the Living Dummy and An Old Story

Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island

Madeline and the Toy Factory

Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman.