#boys be giving the reality-show interviews about each other if they could it came to me in a dream

[glouris]

had an epiphany

all the details in heimdall’s character I’ve been listing yesterday: 

his eyes being the same as regular asgardian soldiers, despite his special connection to bifrost 

the pattern around his neck seemingly being a parallel to atreus’ necklace - arrowhead that ended baldur

his theme being a rework of magni and modi’s theme

is this all just him mirroring people that have been used and discarded by odin, thrown to death by him, to get what he wants? is this about him being expandable just like everyone else, despite being so loyal and thinking himself special? 

I’ve just about had it with him, ATREUS GO SCRAPE HIM OFF THE PAVEMENT

[charmercharm3r]

Masterlist

prev: four, next: six

☆ﾟ

It was a good idea in theory. In reality, it was a shit show. Literally. Trips to Jeju are always fun, even if you’re supposed to be filming. However this time around you were informed that the group would be filming a parody of a popular dating show. Whose genius idea was that?

It would’ve been perfectly fine if your members were normal. To your pleasure or misfortune— it’s still unclear— they’re far from it.

There were no hitches the entire trip, traveling and the initial filming was as planned. You were assigned the role of a host while the boys were to be “dating” amongst one another. They followed direction as best as you could ask for with their limited attention spans, jumping from conversation to conversation and even getting in some teasing as the cameras continued to roll. You could already tell a lot of film was going to get cut seeing as they tended to get sidetracked into talking about incredibly personal details.

The “first dates” were going as you expected, you were instructed to go around and give them interviews to provoke more conversations when they started to fall quiet. Seungmin was indifferent the entire time while Felix tried to keep it as lively as possible, no doubt the former doing it on purpose. Jeongin and Jisung didn’t really even need you there as they practically forgot you even were— in their own little world. You got lost in the orchard when looking for Hyunjin and Minho, breaking the fourth wall a few times to ask the crew member on where to go, eventually giving up and wandering on your own for a little too long. Only to find Chan and Changbin sitting and have what looked like a normal conversation— they didn’t need much help either.

The looks of surprise and betrayal was fun to witness as they regrouped to pick who was riding with who to go to dinner. You got to pick whose car you rode in once they finished, and decided on Minho and Felix’s car.

Minho drives fast, which is even more fun when he takes off the child locks in the backseat and rolls down the window for you. You and Felix stick your heads out the window as he surpasses the other three cars, the both of you hollering at them with joy and barely catching a faint smile on Minho’s lips when you sit back again.

Everyone, including you, forgets that you’re supposed to be filming during dinner and goes silent as you eat. Until Hyunjin speaks from across the table, “Y/N’ie, I thought you were supposed to interview us earlier. Did you think we were so hopeless as a couple that you decided not to?”

His question threw you off, totally unexpected as your mouth was full. Half chewed and half hearted, “I got lost.”

“What did you say?” Jisung called at the other end.

“You got lost?” Chan chuckled at your right, the confession sending him and Hyunjin into a fit of giggles. The information eventually made it to the other side of the table and the rest of them erupted into giggles as well.

“It wasn’t my fault! Why were you two so far away?” You turned the attention onto Minho and Hyunjin, who shared an amused look.

When both of them simply shrugged, Changbin stepped in, “that’s okay. I would’ve stayed up all night looking for you if you got lost.” He beat his palm onto his chest and jutted his chin out with a nodding smirk.

“That’s nice, but you’re supposed to be interested in each other. It wouldn’t be a good look for the show—“ you gestured to the surrounding cameras— “if you showed more interest in the host than in the contestants.”

“But the host is always the most attractive one!” He exclaimed, throwing his spoon down. Your eyes widened in confusion of where this sudden infatuation came from.

You looked at your manager standing by one of the center cameras, he was laughing just as hard as the members, “I don’t remember this being part of the script.”

“It’s not a script!” Changbin’s chair scraped against the floor as he abruptly stood. “These are my true feelings! Do my feelings look like a joke to you?!”

None of the others were going to help you now, they all avoided eye contact and kept their mouths shut as you sought out a scapegoat for Changbin’s bombardment of affection. “If I say no, will you sit down?”

“No!”

Then it hit you, play along.

Your chair almost toppled back when you took to your feet, Chan stuck his hands out to catch you just in case. “Then yes!”

Jeongin let out a small, “what is happening?”

“You’re a joke!” You replied back to Changbin with feigned anger. “You broke my heart! Then you come on my show to rub it in my face!”

Everyone at the table was suddenly invested in where this was going. You glanced over at your manager and he waved his hands as though throwing up a white flag. Green light.

“Do you want to humiliate me? Is my pain funny to you, Seo Changbin?”

“I didn’t want our relationship to end but you pushed me to it! You forced my hand!” He shouted at you for two seats down.

“Everyone,” you dramatically looked the other members directly in the eye, “he cheated on me.”

Gasps erupted throughout the restaurant, including the staff playing into the story. They spoke over each other, everyone trying to get their words in as Changbin’s mouth dropped to the floor in shock. You forced yourself to repress a smile seeing the disbelief on his face, his reaction much funnier when he broke the fourth wall to look at your manager as well.

How could you’s and shame on you’s echoed throughout the restaurant, Hyunjin’s words particularly catching your ear.

“Cheating is unforgivable, how disrespectful. I could never be friends with anyone who cheats on their significant other,” his serious tone drawing in the rest of the table above all the jokes spewing about, all eyes on him now.

“Care to explain more, Hyunjinnie?” You and Changbin sat back down and gave him the floor to speak.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “I can’t stand it. Just break up with them. If you truly cared about someone, you’d never, never treat them with that level of disrespect, even if you’re on bad terms.”

He was clearly upset now, arms crossed across his chest and looking down at his bowl. No one really knew what to say as his emotions were much more intense than the previous vibes of the dinner. As the host and since it was your fault the topic was brought up, you comforted him, “I agree with you—“

But Jisung adds fuel to the fire before you could continue, “I have something to confess.” Everyone turns to him. “I saw who Changbin cheated with. I caught them together.”

More gasps, fists slamming on the table, angry exclamations demanding to know more. “It was…” he paused and looked around the table, then stuck his finger in the direction across from you, “Hyunjinnie!”

Faking a faint, you fell back into Chan with a hand over your forehead. The oldest wrapped his arms around your neck and shielded you from the subject of the incoming yelling match. There wasn’t much you could really understand as everyone spoke over one another for the billionth time that night. When he released you, you faked wiping tears as Hyunjin went mute with his mouth agape.

“Any last words before we,” a fake sniffle, “move on?”

“I DIDN’T KNOW! I PROMISE!” He came over to your side of the table and fell dramatically to his knees, taking your hand and placing your palm onto his cheek.

“What are you doing, get up.” You tried to take your hand back but he only held on tighter.

“Say you forgive me.”

“You need to be on a drama with how dramatic you are,” you joke, trying to divert your attention from how tightly he held your hand made your tummy warm.

“I won’t let you go until you say it!” His eyes were beaming up at you with sparkles so bright, even the stage lighting wasn’t nearly as blinding. Part of you felt like he was apologizing for something he truly did to wrong you, you almost fell for it.

“Fine, fine! Forgiven. Get up and finish your food.” Hyunjin quickly kissed the inside of your palm, unsure if the cameras actually caught it, and went back to his seat.

Conversation shifting to something you weren’t paying attention to, lo and behold, your mind wasn’t nearly as focused as it should be. There was more screaming and yelling, mostly Changbin and Jisung, and you couldn’t even laugh with them because you were internally battling with yourself about his fucking eyes. Hyunjin’s eyes and how sincere they were, how soft and patient and agonized they seemed to be about a situation that was purely for show. It caught you so far off guard that when the members continued with the skit, you let them take the reins to do whatever they wanted.

By the time it was time to choose cars to head home, you were just going with the flow, not caring about the show anymore. What you needed was an ice cold bath. A freezing shower to get rid of the heat in your cheeks whenever Hyunjin’s gaze would linger on you for half a second longer.

That was exactly what you did as soon as the cameras were off and you were back at your hotel room. You rushed off to be alone and get rid of all the stupid thoughts that made your head dizzy because what the fuck?

It wasn’t like you were touch deprived, your members were practically an extension of your physical self. It was just the way he looked at you. Why were you so upset over a look? He looks at you every day, nothing new. You were looking back at him. Straight into his eyes. He was on his knees. Your hand was on his cheek. He was nuzzling his face into your skin. You almost leaned in. His lips looked so kissable. He did kiss you— your hand, at least.

Oh, it’s fucking over for you.

Knock, knock, knock.

The consistent rapping on your hotel door shocked you enough to pull you from the butterfly inducing realization. Just a robe on and hair still dripping, you rushed to check the peep hole to find the one person you didn’t want to see standing outside.

“Why’re you here?” You said a little colder than intended.

Hyunjin scoffed and held up the bag of chips and soda, “what a rude way to greet someone bearing gifts.” He pushed past you and threw the snacks on the bed along with himself. “Go get dressed, they have Netflix on the TV.”

You didn’t even have the will to say no, doing what he asked and changing into comfy clothes. Big sweats and a baggy hoodie seemed decent enough, and so did standing at the foot of the bed while he was sprawled out, clicking through the different movies. “What are you doing here?” You finally asked.

“Hanging out?”

“Obviously. Why?”

“Am I not allowed to hang out with you?” He had a point. “You were also really quiet at dinner.” Frowning a little, you sat at the foot of the bed and took the bag of chips. Admittedly, they hit the spot, he knew they would and smiled to himself when you visibly relaxed.

“That one,” you spoke again as he hovered over the movie you’d been telling yourself you’d watch when you had the time. Well, now you had nothing but time.

Cross legged and still on the edge of the bed, munching away while fully invested in this terrible movie, Hyunjin admired the way you’d copy the actress’s slight body movements when she was around the love interest, as if you were taking notes. Tilting your head, sitting up a little straighter, leaning your head on your palm, or tucking your hair behind your ear. It was utterly adorable and he loved being able to see you like this. Somehow, you forgot he was even there until the bed shifted behind you.

Suddenly there was heat, too much of it. You were suffocating with the obvious fact that you were not alone and haven’t been for the past hour. Hyunjin’s arm was bumping against the back of yours, seemingly innocent.

“Are you gonna share?” He said, chin brushing your shoulder as he gestured at the mostly empty bag of chips. You didn’t say anything, only holding it in his direction. His hand encased yours to bring it even closer to him, making your fingers almost shake with anxiety. It was nothing. Literally nothing. But it felt like everything.

“Open,” he commanded for the second time tonight. When did he get so close to you? You could practically smell his shampoo and body lotion. Dumbly, you faced him slightly and opened your mouth enough for him to slip a chip into it. Then unexpectedly, his fingers tipped the bottom of your chin up to close. “Chew before you swallow.” Your eyes followed his hand as it retreated, leading up to his own gaze that was already staring back.

The sound of your swallowing was comically loud, you wished the ground would open up and eat you whole. “I don’t want to kiss you,” you rushed to say.

Hyunjin smirked, amused. “I don’t want to kiss you, either.” His actions contradicted his words as his face unnoticeably inched forward. Warmth was swirling around you now, his shampoo, his lotion, his skin, his clean clothes, his left over toothpaste— “your breath smells like chips.”

There it was. Butterflies gone. You shoved him and his stupidly smug smirk harshly back by his chest and he thumped back into the bed. Immediately, you ran into the bathroom to rinse your mouth with mouthwash before coming back and attacking him. You were slamming the soft pillow into his body without so much as a complaint. More so, he was laughing, not even a wince because it didn’t phase him at all. It wasn’t enough. He didn’t get it.

Moving into a stronger position, you went from standing at his side to trying to hop over him onto the available bed space, failing miserably and flopping onto him instead. Chest to chest, practically straddling him, Hyunjin gripped your waist to keep you from falling off the edge. That also meant there was no where to run. “Now I really don’t want to kiss you.”

“But I really want you to.” His hands keeping you in place, the proximity, minty fresh breath— from you, at least. Your hand drifted to his face, ghosting fingertips up along his cheek to push his hair from his face. Another thing for the second time that night, he leaned into the touch, enjoying it much more than he should.

This felt like the right moment, right? This was how that girl did it in the movie. She did all those steps, the lean in, touch the cheek, brush the hair, what came next?

It was the actual kiss, the one part you couldn’t get yourself to initiate. It’s been too much teasing him, perhaps if you only just gave in a little— a slight graze of your lips against his, that’d be the ultimate power move. Payback for the emotions he made you feel earlier this evening. Just close enough to make his eyes flutter closed, make his breath hitch, make him pucker and wait for you to close the distance and feel one another for the first time.

That’s exactly what you did, and fuck, was it hard not to cave. His soft breath and pillowy lips, you almost did.

Knock, knock, knock. “Y/N’ie, can I use your hair drier? The outlet in my bathroom doesn’t work.”

Saved by the fucking bell. Hyunjin audibly groaned, annoyed that his perfect moment was once again stolen from him.

You quickly pushed off of his body by his chest and rushed to open the door, stroking your hair flat and revealing Jisung on the other side. He immediately went into your bathroom, not noticing Hyunjin on the bed lobbing his head back with frustration.

“Han Jisung, you’re the worst. I was so close! Couldn’t you have waited two more minutes?!”

Jisung, frightened by the unknown voice, peaked around the doorframe and saw the other boy. “Oh, was I interrupting something?”

“No—“

“Yes!” You shook your head with emphasis, holding up your hands like waving a white flag.

Everything else happened so fast. One second you were standing next to Jisung and the next, Hyunjin was rushing over to the both of you saying something along the lines of, “give me my kiss!” You had pulled Jisung in front of you without really thinking about it and put him into Hyunjin’s line of fire. The two smashes foreheads at the fast pace the older moved, both crumbling to the floor in pain.

With the way the night started, this was a solid way to end it— watching your two friends rolling around the floor in pain as you laughed your ass off at their idiotic tendencies. Then them proving said idiotic tendencies as one tried to— hopefully playfully— strangle the other, in which you don’t know who started all the rough housing, you’re just there to patch them up when they’re done.

☆ﾟ

A/N: don’t ask me where i’ve been idek LMAO. this is so bad im really trying to start writing again pls bear with me

[julianalvarez9]

firsts / christian pulisic

face claim: hailee stenfield

request: Hi, first off i wanna say i love your blog! If you’re still taking requests, could you do one with y/n and christian being a private but not secret couple? (y/n is a famous actress) they get super shy when asked about each other in interviews and dodge the questions but social media gets to see a sneak peek of their relationship because they are always supportive of each other

author's note: tysm for your ask!! <33 sorry that it took me this long but i didn't know how to portray this in a way that i liked but i think this is it 🤍 hope you like it!!

| FIRST TIME YOU TWO MEET

christian was never one to attend parties without his friends, and every time they decided that they'll go out, it took a large amount of convincing for him to go with him. but today, luck seemed to be on their side and christian accepted the invitation rather quickly. on the other hand, you were at every party. being a rising actress, you knew how beneficial it was for your career to mingle with new people, not that you had to force it, it came naturally to you.

your friends had insisted you go to this particular party because they wanted you to meet someone. you weren't looking for a relationship at the moment given how busy your schedule already was, but you were surprised when you met christian, and you two hit it off from the start. never an awkward silence between you two, not just because you were joined with your group of friends, but also because even when it was just you two speaking, everything just felt good.

at the end of the night, you two had exchanged numbers promising to meet again, and both your friends couldn't be happier to see their matchmaking skills becoming a reality.

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| FIRST TIME INTERACTING ONLINE

cmpulisic

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cmpulisic always lovely to win at the bridge!

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yourusername you did great!!

cmpulisic ��

fan1 this is a DREAM

fan2 my two american stars 🥹

yourusername

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yourusername tonight's been amazing 🤍🤍 thank you for a lovely show!!

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cmpulisic number 10 would look better

yourusername you think??

fan3 OMG CHRISTIAN STOP

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| FIRST TIME YOU MENTIONED HIM

"so, who are you supporting for the superbowl this year?" simon, the interviewer, questioned, after extensively talking about the role you were playing in your next movie. "well, the rams are my favorite team but they're obviously out, so i'd say the eagles" you joked, knowing that they were one of christian's teams apart from the jets, who hadn't reached the conference finals either. "caught me by surprise there!" the man who was in charge of your interview said, giggling a bit while the public cheered. "yeah, i caught my boyfriend watching a game recently so i guess that's who we're cheering for" you smiled, instantly going red at the mention of your partner. your manager had listed the topic of relationships off of every interview you had given in the past month, and you knew that by bringing it up yourself you were giving the green light to receive questions about it.

"that's new, y/n! do we know this lucky boy?" simon asked, clearly interested in getting the headline that would be all over the news tomorrow morning. "he's certainly not joe burrow!" you said, laughing about the bengals' quarterback who you found incredibly pretty, but who wasn't your boyfriend. the public laughed at your joke and thankfully, you got out of the topic without having to reveal the secret identity of your partner.

─────────────────────

| FIRST TIME THE FANS SUSPECTED ABOUT YOU TWO

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| FIRST TIME SOMEONE ASKED HIM ABOUT YOU

christian was busy shooting a video for a random magazine. it was one of those where he read questions asked to him through social media, and he got to answer on camera. it made him a bit uncomfortable, seeing as there wasn't a real person asking the questions in front of the camera, it was just him before the lens. he started to read one of the last envelopes he still had left, that said, "we know you're a very private person and we respect that. in the past few months, we saw how close y/n and you are. what do you think about her?"

"well" he laughed, clearly uncomfortable about the topic, seeing as his cheeks reddened just by hearing your name. "she's incredibly nice. i think she's the nicest person to be around, honestly" he gushed, still trying to calm his thoughts so he could answer correctly, without giving too much away. though it would be hard, considering how many great things he had to say about you, his girlfriend.

"we're pretty similar actually. she might be a little more extroverted than me and i might be better at playing soccer" christian laughed, remembering how angry you got while playing football -as you liked to call it to annoy him, even though you were american too- with him. "i think we work well together, we're a great team".

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| FIRST TIME YOU POSTED EACHOTHER

yourusername

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yourusername missed this one 🤍

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fan4 THIS HAS TO BE CHRISTIAN

cmpulisic

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cmpulisic do we think she liked the bridge?

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yourusername i liked number 10 the most

masonmount think you meant 19*

fan5 mason third wheeling 🙄

fan6 fan5 nono hear me out he's their kid

fan7 OMGGG THAT TW ACC WAS RIGHT

[dontyouworrydaddy]

hellooo ^_^ can i get a request for a gn or fem (dosent matter to me) non-military!rock climber reader & platonic!141?? like theyre friends with each other, but arent in the same work. the reader is some super talented and well known climber (i was thinking bouldering? top, rope, lead and auto belay are kinda… meh to me), but the members of the 141 never knew until they saw some viral video about the reader. if u want any info on climbing if you dont know much u can make a post or smth replying to this and i’ll send in another message with whatever u need to know!!!! thank you!!!!!

ᙅᥲᥒ ყoᥙ ⳽ᥱᥱ ຕᥱ ᥙρ ᖾᥱɾᥱ?

Task Force 141 x gn! Reader

Hey! I hope you like this! I didn’t really know how to make it as interesting as possible so I hope you still enjoy this. Tried my best out here💘💘😆

\(◡̈ )/♥︎

You had always been among your friends. The Task Force 141 met you in a bar and from that point on they basically adopted you. An unexpected friend group.

While you weren't officially a part of their team, you had forged a close friendship with many of the members. Your skills on the rock wall were legendary, but the nature of your work and the surrounding it had always kept you humble and quiet about your achievements.

It all began on a typical day at the task force's secure facility. Captain John Price had called in everyone for an important briefing. You sat with Captain Price, Ghost, Gaz, Soap. your eyes focused on the mission details. Your presence, however, had become so routine that no one really questioned it.

The briefing ended, and you exchanged nods and pleasantries with your friends as they geared up for their mission. This was your usual role - offering support, sharing stories, and providing a brief reprieve from the harsh realities of their dangerous work.

But little did you know, the tables were about to turn.

As the team settled into the dimly lit briefing room, Soap, always the one glued to his phone, showed a viral video to the others. "You guys have to check this out," he said, his eyes glued to the screen.

The video started, and it showed you, the mystery climber who had become a sensation in the climbing community. Your impressive bouldering skills were on full display, as you effortlessly conquered one challenging route after another. Your movements were a mesmerizing dance of strength, technique, and agility.

You could feel the tension thickening in the room.

Ghost's eyes widened as he watched, then looked over at you. "Hey, isn't that…?"

Before he could finish, Gaz chimed in, "It is! That's our friend, you y/n. That’s you!"

Everyone in the room was captivated by the video. You were like a.. Ghost , moving gracefully on the rock wall. You for sure made Ghost question himself and over his name. No one had suspected that you were a climbing prodigy. The atmosphere in the room shifted from shock to awe as your skills left the boys speechless.

Price couldn't help but smile. "You never fail to amaze us, do you, y/!n?" he said with a chuckle.

The video continued, showing you giving an interview. The interviewer asked about your inspiration, and you shared your story of growing up in a small town, scaling cliffs and mountains as a child. Your eyes lit up as you spoke about the thrill of facing challenges head-on, your voice filled with a passion that resonated deeply with everyone in the room.

As the video came to an end, Ghost spoke up. "You've been hiding this from us, mate! You're a rock star and never told us?!"

Gaz agreed, grinning. "You need to show us some of those moves sometime."

You blushed, a rare sight for your friends who had never seen you flustered. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

Soap shook his head. "It's a huge deal! You're incredible!"

In the days that followed, your friends couldn't stop talking about your incredible climbing skills. They shared stories of their own adventures with you, and it was as if a new layer had been peeled back to reveal a different side of your life.

One evening, after a mission, you took Gaz and Soap to your favorite local climbing spot. With the cool breeze in your hair, you demonstrated some basic techniques and shared your passion for climbing. As the sun dipped below the horizon, you could see their enthusiasm growing.

Gaz, now harnessed to the rock, looked down at you. "You know, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me after joining the task force."

Soap chimed in, hanging from a challenging route. "Yeah, mate, this is our kind of thrill!"

Over time, the climbing outings became a regular part of your lives outside of the high-stakes missions. Your soldier friends now knew a different side of you – the thrill-seeker who found solace in the heights of the natural world.

Gaz and Soap, improved their climbing skills under your expert guidance. They marveled at the rock face, the trust in the ropes, since they’re still not good enough to do it without ropes like you, and the rush of adrenaline when they reached a challenging summit. It was a stark contrast to the intensity of their day jobs.

One afternoon, as you were all scaling a rugged cliffside, Soap looked down at you and grinned. "You know, you've given us a new way to unwind, something we never knew we needed."

Gaz nodded in agreement. "This is like therapy, but with a better view."

The bond between all of you grew stronger with every climb. Each expedition became a break from the darkness and danger of your profession, a reminder that there was more to life than the battlefield.

But as much as you cherished the moments spent with your friends, you were well aware of the realities you all faced. In your world, danger was never far away, and the missions could turn deadly in an instant.

[stylecouncil]

ignore your lame anon and tell me some fun facts about that mormon guy

how dare you call him that mormon guy but I’ll ignore it because I love you. hunky dory is his mission. that’s one of the fun facts he said he found hunky dory at 19 and never went on a mission trip, so that was his mission. his parents met in a trailer park. he moved to a town with no stoplight when he was 9 but ran off back to vegas when he was 16 and got a fake id. his father was an alcoholic from a long line of alcoholics who his mom would take brandon with her to look for drunk in casinos but stopped drinking when he converted to mormonism (so there are layers here). he used to say he gets angry when he sees happy college students and he still gets a bit of an ache about it because it was never an option for him. he was a fat kid who got called a fag and felt completely out of place. andy of andy you’re a star fame is a real person he went to school with. he used to religiously read every morrissey and noel gallagher interview he could get his hands on. he stole morrissey demos from morrisseys guitarists bag when he was a bellhop. he kept the teacup morrissey drank out of when he came into the restaurant he worked at. he stalked morrissey for an entire night at a hotel while morrissey knew what he was doing the entire time. his first band was a synth pop band called blush response with a guy named trevor he met at a golf course job who he felt like was one of the first people he ever truly clicked with. they bonded over morrissey and depeche mode and the pet shop boys erasure etc they used to dye each others hair black. and when brandon was kicked out of the band and trevor moved to la with his girlfriend he almost drank himself to death. seeing don’t look back in anger at the hard rock in a show he only managed to get into at the last minute because someone handed him their ticket as they were leaving was what made him think he could really do it and that he wanted to be in a guitar band specifically. he hates any oasis song not written by noel. he made lou reed laugh by showing him that perfect day has the same chord progression as perfect day when they were recording tranquilize. he said every emo band needed to be beaten to death and never took pete wentz up on his offer to get sushi. his teeth were all falling out by the time he we like 26. he used to have to drink to get through every show. sam’s town is a real casino and he said it was like a beacon on the road from the trailer park where his parent were from that showed you were getting some place, you were getting to the city soon. he used to sleep on a morrissey pillowcase. he met his wife at a vegas thrift store and her cptsd has factored into his writing quite a lot. he almost fired that one annoying lorde producer that isn’t jack antonoff but almost as annoying 4 times while making the desired effect (I feel like you might appreciate this one idk why). he references a paul simon song in caution by the killers (another one for you). he’s notoriously tactless and mouthy and has tried to tone it down sometime after sam’s town because it became all that people could say about him (alt rock azealia banks) but it’s not really entirely worked (partially because a lot of that is just….him despite what he says so it hasn’t gone away but) it just got replaced with harping on the mormon thing despite him kind of being theologically all over the place with that in reality/seemingly clinging to it in name etc for a multitude of complicated reasons. he almost got an oasis tattoo as a teenager. he called hunky dory a working class album. uhhhhh I think he’s very interesting and a bundle of contradictions in the best way and funny and one of our last great frontmen who is also a great and varied songwriter. is that enough fun facts some of these aren’t fun. he’s been saving his beard trimmings in a plastic ziplock bag for years to give to neil tennant of pet shop boys fame.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hi! After coming across your Tumblr, I’m somewhat intrigued by the idea that there could be… something… between the two co-stars. I fell into the GO fandom very very late (after I finally got Prime Video last month, to be precise) and scouring through four years of content on this hell site has been insane 😵‍💫. I’m curious as to how people started shipping them IRL. Would you happen to have a link to the earliest speculative posts? Much appreciated and I hope you have a good day.

Hello, Anon! It's never too late to join the fandom, and you've come at a most opportune time, as the second season of GO has just been released. Welcome, and I hope you're enjoying your stay here!

So, in terms of shipping Michael and David...whew, boy. It's hard to know where to start, but I'd like to touch on a few useful things to know. One is that people shipping Michael and David is not new. For a lot of us, this started back in 2019 with the release of GO season 1, followed by the GO season 1 press tour. More significantly, it continued after this, because Michael and David continued flirting with each other long after there was anything to "promote," thus giving rise to the feeling in many of us that this was not simply "fan service" at work.

It was furthered by the two of them appearing in Staged--which was specifically described by Simon, the writer and creator of the show, as a love story between them (gosh, why does that sound so familiar?)--and the increased closeness between them during lockdown. And now here we are with the release of GO 2 and all the wonderful interviews we've gotten with Michael and David, and all those feelings of longing and fondness and love between them seem to be even stronger than they were before.

(Also, there has been a lot of anti-RPF sentiment going around the past few days, and the loudness of this particular crowd tends to overshadow the reality that a lot more people ship Michael and David than anyone realizes. Especially if my inbox is any indication, with the hundreds of Anons I currently have on the subject...)

But you asked about how people started shipping them, so I will do my best to answer you thusly. It's difficult to pinpoint one particular speculative post, but I will delineate my response into how I started shipping them vs. how others did.

For my part, this post and this post explain how and why I started shipping them, with multiple receipts to back up my assertions. You may also want to check out this post, which goes into detail about the possibility of a polyamorous arrangement between Michael, David, and Georgia, and things each of them have specifically said to encourage this line of thinking over the last few years.

In terms of other people, I would suggest reading this post, which is a brilliant summary from one of my Anons about Michael and David's sexuality and how they came to realize some things about how a kiss between Michael and David would play out.

Finally, this post features screenshots from members of an FB group (which has now hit 500+ members since the second season came out) that I run that focuses on discussions about shipping Michael and David, with answers to the question of "When did you start shipping Michael and David, and why?" As you can see, the answers are varied and show how the realization came to different people in different ways, but the common sentiment is all of us seeing that powerful connection between Michael and David, and that it goes far beyond/frequently has nothing to do with what is on screen.

I hope this helps to answer your question, Anon. Thanks for writing in! x

[topgun-il]

[INTERVIEW] Xdinary Heroes hopes to give comfort through 5th EP 'LIVE and FALL': "Our fans showed how the path we walked so far has been right"

Following the release of their first full-length album 'Troubleshooting,' Xdinary Heroes — a six-piece boy band under JYP Entertainment's sub-label STUDIO J — continue they prove their prowess in songwriting, composing, and performing.

The 5th mini-album, 'LIVE and FALL,' boasts a total of 8 tracks: "XH_WORLD_75," "Night before the end," "Save me," "Boy Comics," "iNSTEAD!," "FEELING NICE," "XYMPHONY," and "LOVE and FEAR." After "coming out of the virtual world," showcased in their previous albums, Gun-il, Jungsu, Gaon, O.de, Jun Han, and Jooyeon are here to continue to provide consolation to the listeners, offering a diverse range of genres and emotions instilled in the album's tracks.

Ahead of the album's official release, allkpop once again chatted with Xdinary Heroes to talk about 'LIVE and FALL,' approaching the band's 3rd anniversary, and more. Check out the full interview below!

[You might also want to read our previous interviews (1) (2) (3) with Xdinary Heroes]

allkpop: First of all, congratulations on your new album! Tell us about the concept and the message you want to convey with ‘LIVE and FALL.’ What’s something you want the listeners to pick up from it?

Gun-il: Thank you so much for congratulating us first! If you look at our title, the names of our albums so far, from ‘Hello, World’ to ‘Troubleshooting,’ it was all based on computer programming work. The reason was that — the Xdinary Heroes universe — our world was based on virtual reality called ‘♭form.’ And ‘♭form’ is an online ensemble program where we met each other, where we basically grew up. From there and our previous albums, we had stories of our emotions and lots of different things that happened in that virtual reality. That's why it's based on control programming work. But the reason why we didn't choose computer programming work this time was because when you look at our latest album ‘Troubleshooting,’ we basically came out of the virtual reality and finally got to meet each other in the real world. This album, ‘LIVE and FALL,’ is a story of that happening; it could be relationships with each other, it could be feelings inside of ourselves that happening in the real world. In the real world, you feel lots of emotions like happiness, anger, sadness, anxiety, or whatever it is. We wanted to convey those emotions and feelings into this album. And if there's one thing that we want our listeners to pick up from this album, it would be those emotions — the emotions that we put into this album.

Jooyeon: Personally, in the process of making this album, we wanted to make this album a consolation to our listeners and fans when they're going through hard times. Maybe not consolation itself but if our listeners and fans can feel that we are there with them, we're accompanying them, or we're feeling the pain instead of them, that would be enough. That was the kind of state that I was in when making this album.

allkpop: Earlier this year, you released your first full album ‘Troubleshooting.’ Did you start working on this mini-album right after the release of ‘Troubleshooting,’ or had you been working on this in between releases? And how long did it take you to finalize everything compared to your previous four mini-albums?

Gaon: We wrote some of the songs while working on ‘Troubleshooting’ and the process for some of the songs began way before ‘Troubleshooting.’ The time spent really encompasses a long range of time from a really long time ago to now. The songwriting time it took for each song was relatively short compared to the last albums.

allkpop: I’ve seen the ‘It’s REAL me’ clips where you were asked, “If I had one last moment in this lifetime?” And your answers centered around your loved ones and just doing what you love even in the last moments. But I’d like to turn the question over and ask you, “If someone you love or someone close to your heart had their one last moment in this lifetime, what would you do to them and for them?”

Jungsu: I’m a little bit emotional answering this question… I love taking photos and taking video clips because it’s the best tool when you’re reminiscing about your past. I think it really brings back the memories of that time when the photo or video was taken. If my loved one is facing the last moment of their life, I think I’ll try to take as many photos or video clips as possible.

O.de: This question makes me sad. I just want to make him or her smile. Make him or her smile. This is the most important thing for me. Smile!

Jun Han: I think I’ll ask the person what he or she wants to do in the last moment of their lifetime — whether it be doing something together, doing something alone, or me doing something for that person. I think it’s really important for me to be able to help that person achieve what he or she wants to do at that last moment. That’s what I’ll do.

Gaon: If my loved one faces the last moment in his or her lifetime… I think whatever I do, there is something I can feel wholly. I’ll do my best and I’ll try to remind him or her how much I love them and how much I care for them. I’ll also try to give that person some time on their own to think back.

Gun-il: For me, when I look at this question, I think of my parents. If my parents have a limited time before they leave this world, I would basically do what everyone just said. I would take as many photos and videos of them as possible. I would take as many photos and videos with them as well. I’d also want to ask what they want to do for the last time. Maybe we can go on a trip, maybe we can go eat something we like together. Also, because… our family… We don't really express our love for each other, and because we haven’t done that for a long time, I always have this unspoken feeling of love towards my parents. Because, I don’t want things to be cheesy, you know. But if this is the last chance, then I would tell my honest feelings, how much I love them. I also like to listen to how much they have loved me as well. Those are the things that I would like to do.

Jooyeon: First of all, I’ll just say my greeting to that person and I would like to distance myself from that person because seeing the last moment of someone I have loved so much, that moment would be so painful for me... I think I’d probably distance myself.

allkpop: We can already sense that this album is thought-provoking in a way. Which lyrics from any of the songs is your favorite or that hit you the hardest?

Gaon: My favorite lyric is from the song “LOVE and FEAR.” The line goes, “You keep making me give up on giving up.” I think that really is the essence of the title “LOVE and FEAR.” That’s why it’s my favorite.

Gun-il: For me, my favorite lyrics are from the song called “Save me.” It’s in the bridge part, and it goes, “If you finally get to know how much I’ve been shouting inside for this long time / I hope you’ll get to know that I’ve been holding on this much this far / When that time arrives.” Those are my favorite lines because it speaks to me a lot and I believe that it’s going to touch lots of people’s hearts who are going through hard times in their lives. That’s the reason.

allkpop: You’ve been participating in the creative process of your music. In what ways do you think you’ve improved in that aspect, in expressing your thoughts and putting it into music? As Gun-il mentioned in our interview in 2022, you wanted to widen your musical knowledge. Tell us how it’s going so far.

Jungsu: I think we really improved how we express ourselves through our lyrics and how we carry our message on stage to our listeners and audience. Our ability to convey emotional messages through our lyrics and how we perform on stage has improved tremendously. And through the experiment project, thanks to that, we were able to widen our musical knowledge. Releasing a wide range of music served as an opportunity for us to learn more about this, about our music. It really gave us a chance to widen our spectrum of music.

allkpop: This year, you’ll be celebrating your 3rd anniversary. How did the past years feel for you doing activities as a member of Xdinary Heroes?

O.de: Looking back, those years served as a platform for a lot of diverse wide range of experiences. If I hadn’t chosen this path, those experiences wouldn’t have come to me. Right now, I’m very satisfied with how we spent the last few years.

Gaon: Compared to the time when we first debuted, we are getting old every year, of course. We have built a lot of great memories. I think Villains (fans) showed how that the path we walked so far has been right. They are the testament that what we have chosen was right. I’m just so happy to be a member of Xdinary Heroes, and I just hope that we can stay together and grow old together.

allkpop: Lastly, could you leave a message for allkpop readers and your fans who will be reading this interview?

O.de: I hope that our new album, ‘LIVE and FALL,’ can be a gift to all the listeners and for those who are going through hard times. I hope we can give some sort of consolation through our music. And I hope that those who are happy… I hope we can amplify that happiness by listening to this album. That’s what I hope.

Jun Han: This album contains a lot of different styles of songs. At first listen, it might feel like it’s all over the place, but it was our attempt to try many different new things. All the songs were written with the future outlook in mind, so I hope this album can give you an opportunity or platform to be curious about what we’ll do next and enhance your expectations of our next albums. As O.de said, I hope this album can be thought-provoking and be a consolation to those who need it.

Gaon: Lastly, I just wish everybody good health and I just want to remind all of you that Xdinary Heroes will always be with you!

[myteavsricochet]

Are you also implying that Taylor lied directly to a fan by telling her that they are friends and in contact? For what reason?

Because apparently you are saying that Matthew faked everything he said about them, which then showed with those few videos and interviews that came out. We have seen all the words about their relationship with interviews and videos that Taylor also posted lately.

We know very well that during a promo people push more on interactions to promote the film, literally anyone does it but here there was no promo at all, we just had the director who left some interviews and podcasts where in your opinion he invented entire interactions between them to sell the film all because now they don't like each other post on IG it's a bit sickly you know?

Maybe they won't be the bffs ready to give their lives for each other but doesn't exist that type of relationship, just as in reality it could even be like that given that we see absolutely nothing of their private lives and what they do away from those two posts that they publish every now and then.

Everyone would love photos together or to see them interact but they owe us absolutely nothing especially 3 months after the release of the film and the more creepy this thing will become (look at their GQ posts full of comments just asking for photos together) and the less they will do it just to satisfy or appease this type of speculation.

But even insinuating that that poor director during a non-existent promo for the film invented entire stories about their friendship and how close they were come on please, let's all relax a bit.

Matthew didn't even consider the boys after the strike ended, none of their posts nor he posted anything with them and yet I don't see you all speculating on that so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe T and N aren’t friends, just acquaintances that happened to work on the same film together. They’re not under any contract to promote the movie so there’s no need to do it. Nick is doing other stuffs and so is Taylor. I know they love this project but unfortunately with the strike the time for its marketing has come to an end.

Cont. And just to complement the ask that I sent about them being acquaintances. Nick likes and comments on his bottoms cast mates posts online. Sometimes we really want our leading actors to be close friends and do stuff together but I guess it’s just not the reality with T and N. Ofc they’re respectful and always compliment each other but that’s it. They’ve moved on from the movie, I’m afraid.

Well i guess you're right that's definitely the impression we're getting. Maybe a lot of us were really hyped up by the director about how close friends they are and the amazing connection they have and we could not see that because of the strike of course but now that the strikes over its still not there so you're probably right a lot of stuff is said just for promotion

[justoneacatperson]

First Date

This is reupload from my old blog!

request by @therealpotatobish

TodoDeku x Fem! Reader

Date with Todoroki and Midoriya is, to put it mildly - chaos. Where do I start?

First we have Todoroki. Very handsome young man with two-tone hair and eyes. We all know that Shoto is not familiar with many things, his childhood was not very colorful and rosy, not at all.

He has not seen his parents take care of each other or behave like a couple, so he is not very familiar with how to treat a person he likes.

He didn’t even realize he liked Midoriya when he was still a student at U.A. It was good that there were his sister to explain to him what those feelings were.

We have already seen that he takes things seriously and does not understand jokes or metaphors, so it takes time to work with him.

Certainly his relationship with Izuku helped him a lot. He showed him what love, care and empathy are, but for him things are complicated again. He and Izuku will date a woman, a woman they have been in love with since their school years in the U.A. Shoto doesn’t know how to treat a woman and what they would like.

We also have the next one, namely Midoriya. Our broccoli boy has remained the same shy young man, despite his fame as the new No.1 hero, this part of him has not changed.

He would certainly do better than Todoroki, but his still shy nature worries him that he won’t be able to talk to you.

They are both worried about your reaction to everything. They have never heard that you like someone, nor have there been rumors that you are with someone, they didn’t even know if you like boys !? Nevertheless, you accepted their invitation to a date, at least they managed to make it clear that they were inviting you to a date, a DATE, and you were fine with that.

Now was the date where they would know if they had a chance with you, and here they were, sitting at the reserved table, waiting for you to come.

21:27p.m

Deku kept a close eye on his watch, looking at every minute. They had arrived about ten minutes ago and were sitting nervously at the table, well, Izuku was moving nervously, and Shoto was sitting meekly, staring at one dot, trying to keep his mind tidy and clear.

-“She will come, Midoriya, our dateis at 9:30p.m.” Todoroki exclaimed, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand under the table to reassure him.

-“Ah, I know, Shoto-san, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous.” the green-haired man replied, smiling at his partner. -“We have been waiting for a long time for the chance to invite her and the fact that she agreed and now we will have a date makes me feel surreal. It’s as if I’ve finally reached a goal that I thought was impossible. It’s very strange that happens, I still consider it unrealistic.”

The two-colored man looked at him with surprised heterochromic eyes. Despite their years together, the things they went through could not be compared to that. And the fact that Deku feels that way surprises him. He is also surprised that he was able to describe how he felt too.

It felt like he was 17 again in his 2nd year at U.A. When he shared his feelings to Midoriya. Confused, scared, excited. He never believed that he would fall in love or be able to be a partner, the love of someone else.

A small smile crept across his face. Todoroki leaned over to his partner, leaning his head on his shoulder. Their physique has changed and evolved over the years. Already in his mid-twenties, Deku had grown much taller than his school years. He was now towering over Shoto.

Midoriya smiled, leaning against Shoto, planting a kiss on his white and red hair.  The two parted, looking up at a door that could be heard opening and closing. 20:30, you arrived just in time.

You looked around the restaurant in confusion, looking for your table. Midoriya instinctively raised his hand, waving at you and shouting. -“(Y/n)-chan!” you looked up at them, a wide smile appeared on your face, bringing butterflies into the stomachs of both heroes.

-“Hey, Deku, Sho!” you replied, going to them.

Midoriya wanted to make a good impression by taking your jacket and pulling your chair backward to sit, but you came like a whirlwind, sitting hastily in the seat in front of them. Obviously there will be no good first impression.

-“Oh, I was in such a hurry so as not to be late.” you started, removing your jacket, leaving it on the back of the chair. - “I was nervous not to be late because there was a traffic jam on the road. After I managed to park it took me time to find the restaurant and…”

Deku waved his arms in front of him, trying to reassure you that you weren’t late, sharing his own worries about not being late. So you two became a muttering mess, and Todoroki rested his chin on his hand, happily watching the scene in front of him. Cute.

-“You are not late, you have nothing to worry about.” the two-colored man called out of nowhere, stopping you and Izuku.

-“It’s good to know.” you said calmly, leaving your hands on the table. -“Long time no see.”

-“Since our graduation in the U.A.” added the green-haired man, rubbing the back of his head.

-“What’s happen with you? I last heard you joined Selkie’s agency.” you nodded in agreement to Shoto.

-“Yes, my quirk would be very welcome in sea battles.”

-“Are you adapting fast?” Deku asked cheerfully.

-“Yes, the hero Manual is there too. We have some pretty similar quirks, so he was so kind to help me adapt.” you replied, controlling the water in your glass with your quirk, making it take the shape of a snake and move along the walls of your glass in a circle.

-“This is very good.” exclaimed the hero, tying his hands on the table.

They both felt a little awkward, not knowing how to continue the conversation, fortunately the waitress saved them by giving them the menus. You opened the menu of hard leather covers, looking at the variety of foods.

-“Oh, hey, Sho, they have a cold soba.” you said excitedly, showing him the menu on the first page.

-“So I’ll order a cold soba.” the two-colored man replied before receiving muttering from Midoriya.

-“But, Sho, we have a whole pot full of soba!” you laughed at their interaction, attracting their attention.

-“What?” they both asked at the same time.

-“Nothing, you just haven’t changed since we graduated from the U.A.” you said with a laugh. Deku giggled too, smiling at you.

-“What do you mean? We look the same way we did 7 years ago?” Todoroki asked confusedly, looking at himself and his boyfriend and again to himself. You and Izuku looked at each other and almost fell from your seats with your boisterous laughter. -“Ah?”

-“O-oh…. Sho!” tears formed in the corners of your eyes, wiping them with your hand. -“You’re still funny!”

-“Funny?”

-“Yes.” the green-haired man replied, leaning his head on his partner’s shoulder.

The three of you ordered a teishoku, receiving it in about 30 minutes. Everyone enjoy their food before Todoroki calls.

-“(Y/n), do you see our old class?” you swallowed your food before answering.

-“Yes, even with some very often.” you said, playing with your chopsticks, twisting them between your fingers and doing tricks with them. -“Most often I go out with Kaminari, by some chance it turned out that we work in the same agency.”

-“Kaminari-san?” Deku exclaimed, looking at you in astonishment. You nodded, uttering a little “Uhm.”

-“All right, that’s nice! We haven’t heard from Denki.”

-“Are you close to each other?” Shoto asked, taking another bite of his meal.

-“I’d say yes. We go out often, we message to each other, he’s very cute. He’s also grown a lot from UA, he’s become more responsible and he controls his quirk much better. We have a lot of fun together. We have dinners for us, in which we are on the couch at my or his home and eating popcorn while watching scary movies. "you said with a smile on your face.

-"Oh, I understand…” Todoroki replied, bowing his head over his food, hiding his face through his hair, which he had left to grow for reaching a length where he could tie it in a bun.

Izuku reached under the table, gripping his boyfriend’s thigh, rubbing it lightly to offer support. He knew his boyfriend’s lack of confidence in relationships. He has always worried about whether he is doing well as a partner and doing everything right.

Talking about a boy (and you’re not the person who talks a lot or often about people, especially boys), who is the opposite of his personality and sees that you’re really having fun with him, feels like someone hit him with wet rag across the face.

-“And you guys…” you called, bringing them both back to reality. -“How are you? The press is very interested in your relationship.” you smiled slyly.

-“So… After we graduated from UA, Shoto and I went to Endeavor’s agency, as his partners in catching villains. That was until we turned 22, All Might offered to take his agency… And I took it.” he replied, scratching the back of his head where his undercut was. -“The press found out about my relationship with Todoroki when I took the agency and there were hundreds of news stories that said, ‘Hero No.1 is in a relationship with Endeavor’s son’.”

-”O!?”

-“Yes, and still receives dozens of emails a day, invitations for interviews about our relationship.”

-“It’s too much for you. The press hasn’t learned for so many years that the heroes have a private life that they usually keep to themselves and don’t want to make it public. The personal space of the heroes must be respected.” you said and turned to Todoroki. -“And for so many years as a pro-hero, people have kept leading you the 'son of Endeavor,’ and that’s all you’re known for.”

-“It’s annoying.” Todoroki replied, making you and Deku giggle a little.

-“Well, those are just words from older people in Japan.” the green-haired man exclaimed, rubbing his boyfriend’s thigh. -“I am sure that the young generation will remember you with your name and your deeds.”

-“You’re right.” said his partner.

-“Ah, (Y/n)-san, do you happen to be in a relationship or dating someone?” Midoriya asked you. Shoto immediately ran one hand under the table, squeezing his thigh - too early, Midoriya.

-“O!?” you opened your eyes wide to them from the sudden question. -“No, I’m not in a relationship, I’m not dating anyone. Why do you ask?”

-“Uhhh…” and now was the scariest part of this meeting - to tell you. Shoto looked at Izuku out of the corner of his eye, looking for an answer as to what to do. -“With Shoto we wanted to ask you something…”

-“Yes…” you said under your breath.

-“Would you like to be with us?” Todoroki asked suddenly, leaning back in his chair.

You and Deku looked shocked at the two-colored man. You dropped your chopsticks as you watched Sho like you saw a ghost. Izuku immediately started waving his arms, trying to reassure you, saying that they were not forcing you to be in relationship with them, that they would not be in a hurry, that they would not be angry if you refused, and ect.

It just took you a moment to process Shoto’s question. They wanted to date you? Really? You were like close friends during your school years, but you didn’t think they had any other than platonic feelings about you. They were both open and comfortable, both shy and anxious around you or when talking to you. You wouldn’t be lying if you said you didn’t have feelings for them in the U.A., but once you found out they were in a relationship, it discouraged you a lot.

-“So?” Todoroki called again.

-“Sho, calm down, give her ti…”

-“Yes.” you replied, getting “Uh!?” from them. - “I accept, I would like to date you.”

-“Really?” Midoriya asked in surprise.

-“Yes…” you said, tying your hands on the table. -“I would just ask for time to get used to, as this will be my first relationship in my life, especially with more than one person.”

-“We’ll give you all the time you need.” Todoroki said, taking your hand in his. Where did you get this confidence? - Izuku wondered.

-”Thanks.”

-“So… should we continue our dinner to celebrate our relationship?” the green-haired man asked cheerfully.

-“Yes!” you and Shoto answered at the same time.

[waugh-bao]

Keith: people are scared of him, always has a knife on his person. Also Keith: loves to hold hands, enthusiastically hugs and kisses his drummer. Charlie: always described as being kind and gentle, a cinnamon bun. Also Charlie: knocks a man with a gun completely unconscious because he wants peace to watch tv.

There is a real contrast between image and reality, no doubt.

Although I think, because of how famous the story of Charlie punching Mick is, more people realize that he was capable of being tough/kickass than know that Keith isn't nearly as scary as his image might suggest. The quote from Andy Johns, a sound engineer and Glyn's brother, is always good on that:

“I was especially scared of Keith 'cause he's such a scary character. I was scared shitless of Keith for years. The way he looked was so fuckin' evil. And of course he's not like that at all. Keith is an old softie completely. But I didn't know that. And Keith does put up that front. He loves to play that out. Most of the time he believes that.”

The thing is, the older Keith gets, the worse he is at hiding the fact that he actually is "an old softie." Especially in regards to Charlie. You could theoretically trace a whole kind of development pattern with it.

1960s: The Era of Playing It Cool

The early Stones were working hard to cultivate their bad boy image, and Keith certainly contributed by trying to act above it all when it came to Charlie. Not that he was mean (in more than a kidding way, at least), but the enthusiasm for his drummer that we all know and love wasn't quite on display yet:

That being said, even in the '60s, what would develop later was starting to peek through. Keith and Charlie never looked as awkward in publicity shots or candids, for example, as Bill and Brian or Mick Taylor often did together. Those two are about to fall out of the hammock as they try their hardest not to touch each other, while Keith and Charlie are happily curled up with each other on the opposite side:

1970s: The Era with the First Real Glimmers of Fanboying to Come

'70s Keith, like Robert Greenfield's book on the STP shows, was still capable of being a little tough on Charlie, but it hardly ever lasted:

“During the first show the tempo on stage got a little tangled with Charlie hanging back a beat or two and Keith began shouting, 'Faster, Charlie, faster. Fuck you. COME ON,’ stamping in time to show what he meant. It’s something that’s happened before, and the two of them go offstage with their arms around each other.”

This was also when we get the first glimpse of Keith going gaga over Charlie in interviews. The quotes aren't quite as prosaic as they would be later, but the enthusiasm is there in spades:

(He was saying that in reference to a journalist asking why the band was still together in 1978).

And this picture was probably, in retrospect, the biggest sign of what was to come. In that Keith would be less and less capable of hiding the expression as the years went on:

1980s: The Era When It Started to Become Really and Truly Clear That Keith Had It Bad for Charlie

Keith in the '80s, just as before, definitely wasn't above communicating his affection by getting a bit rough, like when Charlie wasn't paying enough attention to Mick's introduction and was, unacceptably for Keith, missing out on the audience's roaring reception for him, but he was as likely to hold hands as throw a fake punch:

Here is when the long, dissertation worthy disquisitions on the personal and professional excellence of Charlie Watts begin to become a mainstay of Keith interviews, too. I won't reproduce the entire (amazing) quote, because it will take up at least two paragraphs of space, but this one from 1988 is a classic of the genre:

"Charlie is incredibly honest...He just sees right through you to start with. And he's not even that interested in knowing, he just does. That's Charlie Watts. He just knows you immediately. If he likes you, he'll tell you things, give you things, and you'll leave feeling like you've been talking to Jesus Christ...So you see what I mean about who the hell can I possibly play with after this guy with such a sense of space and touch. The only word I can use for Charlie is deep."

Of course, it can't be forgotten that this is the Keith who put aside his bitter feud with Mick to go see Charlie's first venture as a solo jazz performer, and to cheer him on together:

1990s: The Era When We Found Out That Keith Wasn't Just a Member of the Charlie Watts Fan Club, He Was The President

Well, co-president, with Mick.

'90s Keith took a sharp turn for the softer about the man he described as "my favorite person", and never turned back. I have limited space here, so I can't get out all the gifs and pictures, but this is the decade when Keith felt absolutely zero shame about kissing Charlie on the side of the mouth, cheek, or head in front of a stadium full of people. Or the international press corps. Or his wife.

What he had to say then reflected the same gentler, more sentimental spirit:

“I drove up to the joint we were rehearsing in one afternoon, and I could hear these drums going. I thought ‘Ah, Charlie’s here’. So I killed the engine and sat in the car for about five minutes listening to him playing – just warming up. ‘Yeah, soundin’ good’. Then I started to get my stuff together to go inside, and I happened to see myself in the driving mirror. I had this silly grin on my face. I didn’t even know I was smiling, but that’s what Charlie does for me.”

He wasn't kidding, either. Charlie simply laughing at one of his jokes was enough to provoke that look:

2000s: The Era When The Full Extent of Keith's Love for Charlie Became Something Anyone (And Everyone) Could See

Between Keith's memoir, Life (which was published in 2010 but written earlier), and Martin Scorcese's Shine A Light, pretty much anyone who hadn't yet caught on to Keith's total adoration for Charlie in the preceding four decades wasn't possibly going to be able to miss it now.

Even a little.

And not only because Scorsese chose to keep in a scene where Keith tries to convince him to stick a camera in Charlie's bass drum because he's "the only one" who sees all of the amazing stuff that happens in there:

As to Life, the easiest way to explain what happened there is to say that one of the early chapters of the book has a 20 or so page saga, written in some of the most excited prose of the book, about everything Keith (and Mick) did to get Charlie to become their drummer, and how it all paid off because Keith snagged himself "the best jazz drummer of the goddamn century", so anyone that thinks otherwise can fight him:

"Alexis Korner's Blues Incorporated...also had the young Charlie Watts on drums and sometimes Ian Stewart on piano. That's where I fell in love with the men!...We said, "God, we'd love to have that Charlie Watts if we could afford him" - we all thought he was a God-given drummer - and then Stu put the feelers out...“We starved ourselves in order to pay for him! Literally. We went shoplifting to get Charlie Watts. We cut down on our rations we wanted him so bad, man. And now we’re stuck with him! To me Charlie Watts was the secret essence of the whole thing."

He was just as bad on the book tour:

2010s to Present: The Era of Absolute (Public) Devotion

Honestly, this is probably the Keith that has always existed inside, since the first day he saw Charlie with Alexis Korner and "fell in love" with him, fully liberated.

It's certainly the Keith we're all used to in terms of just limitless physical affection and overwhelming enthusiasm for Charlie. No-one blinks an eye when Keith calls Charlie "absolutely the coolest guy I know" and we expect nothing less than this whenever he has a chance to talk:

"Charlie Watts is playing his arse off! He’s absolutely amazing. It’s indescribable to find a drummer like Charlie Watts, exceptionally brilliant. I can never praise Charlie enough."

The last statement is, of course, the truest.

[spencers-renaissance]

I turn and reach for you

Summary: Three months after Hankel, Spencer starts getting terrible nightmares that keep him up at night. He tries desperately to keep his secret until one day when it's all too much to bear anymore. Luckily, Derek Morgan is there to hold him together as he falls apart.

Tags: nightmares, hurt/comfort, ptsd, angst with a happy ending, fluff, literal sleeping together, getting together, post-revelations TW: past non-con drug use mentioned once in passing

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.1k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

This feels the "Nightmares" square on my Bad Things Happen bingo card, and was written for this prompt by @i-write-whump. Title from a poem by Devon Strang.

After Spencer is kidnapped by Tobias Hankel, he stays with Derek. Nobody on the team wants him to be alone, and he’s always felt the most comfortable with him, so it makes sense. Besides, he’s got the space.

Spencer sometimes wonders whether the team pushed so hard for it because they genuinely believed that, logistically, Derek was the best option, or because they could also see the slow-burning romance simmering under the surface of their relationship. They’ve always had a special friendship, but Spencer can feel the growing tension: the deep and intense looks they share mid-case, the lingering touches on backs and arms, the affection leaking into each ‘pretty boy’ and every ‘Der’.

Perhaps if Hankel never came into the picture they’d already be together — it really had felt like they were on the precipice of something special — but it’s three months later and Spencer’s still sleeping in the spare room; there’s still just as much will they, won’t they lingering in the air between them.

He tries not to mind too much. After all, he’s never had so much free access to the man he’s pined after for years now, and they’re living in each other’s pockets. Almost every waking hour is spent in one another’s company: they cook together, eat together, watch films together, and neither of them are showing any sign of getting sick of it. But every time they’re cooking pasta and Derek says something ridiculous, Spencer wishes he was allowed to lean in and kiss the tip of his nose; every time they sit down to watch something together, he wishes he could burrow into his side and rest his head in the crook of his neck.

(Sometimes, Spencer wishes he could rewind to the weeks immediately after the Hankel incident when Derek would carry him around the flat to keep him off his broken feet; when he could press his face into his shoulder and inhale the scent of complete and utter safety.)

It’s almost torturous, being so close yet so far.

He isn’t quite sure why the nightmares start so late. The nights during the first couple of months are blissfully dreamless, so exhausted from the physical and emotional trauma that sleep was a tantalising escape, but once he’s back in the field, once normal life resumes, everything changes.

The first time he wakes up sweating and panting, heart pounding as he tries to convince himself that he’s no longer in Hankel’s clutches but is safe and sound in Derek’s apartment, he dismisses it as a one-off. He hasn’t had nightmares yet, so why should they start now? He doesn’t go back to sleep that night, too shaken to relax back into the comforting embrace of sleep, too afraid of deception: that he wouldn’t sleep dreamlessly but that the nightmare would be waiting for him once again.

The second time worries him. He gets up this time and gets a glass of water as quietly as possible, leaning with his back against the kitchen counter as he ponders what this could mean for him. The thing is, they’re so incredibly vivid. It really feels like he’s back at the mercy of a three-in-one torturer armed with drugs and belts and guns, genuinely unsure of whether he’ll ever see his family again. He doesn’t go back to sleep this time, either, instead pacing around the living room until Derek wakes up. He lies that he’s only been up for half an hour, and Derek believes him.

The third time solidifies for Spencer the fact that this is a problem. Three is a pattern, everybody knows that, and Spencer spends the rest of the night scouring the internet for studies conducted around delayed trauma responses and discovers the prevalence of delayed-onset PTSD. He’s tempted to contact a professor he met during his third PhD who specialised in the psychology of trauma, but he thinks better of it. Admitting these nightmares would be admitting defeat.

This is something he has to deal with alone.

(He ignores the truth that it’s more fear than anything else that keeps him from telling anyone: fear of being seen as weak, fear of nothing changing, fear of voicing his trauma out loud. It’s easier to pretend it’s about independent agency.)

It doesn’t affect him too much at first. Sure, he’s scared to go to sleep and he sweats so profusely that it soaks through his bedsheets almost every night, but he’s managing. He’s okay. He contributes just as much to their profiles and takes down unsubs without flinching. He dances around Derek like they have done for over a year, and he sits through Dr Who marathons with Penelope just fine. So what if he’s a bit tired? He’s stared down some of America’s Most Wanted and interviewed famous serial killers, he can cope with a little fatigue.

It doesn’t stay that easy for long.

Soon everybody’s asking about the bags under his eyes, his slower reaction times when they visit the gun range, his twitchiness around the team.

“Are you sleeping okay, Spencer?” Penelope asks him one day, brushing a curly lock of hair behind his ears as they sit side by side on the sofa next to a conked out Derek.

He can’t nod his head quick enough. “Yeah! Yes, uh. Yes, Penelope, I’m sleeping fine, I promise,” he says as convincingly as he can, flashing her a smile. He hates lying to her, but he can’t let anyone find out, he just can’t.

Slowly, he begins losing his grip on reality. He’s almost delusional from the sleep deprivation, and he starts seeing Hankel everywhere he goes. He’s stood behind the fridge door, in the foyer of the FBI Headquarters, in the toilets of a local police station, stood right behind the unsub they’re currently trying to talk down, goddamnit.

He’s beyond exhausted, but some nights he still refuses to sleep, too afraid of what awaits him in his dreams, too afraid of the fear he knows he’ll carry into the next day, too afraid of feeling weak again. Helpless. Completely and utterly without agency.

He sits up with his back against the headboard, the main light off but the lamp switched on, scrolling through as many scholarly articles as he can read in a night, drinking cup after cup of steaming black coffee. Most nights he makes it through till morning without sleeping a wink, but sometimes he can’t stop himself from drifting off The nightmares on those nights are the worst.

He isn’t okay and people are starting to notice. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around him right now, but he knows it won’t be long before Penelope organises an intervention that Hotch hosts and Derek directs. The worst part about it is that he feels like a trainwreck waiting to happen. He’s headed straight for complete and utter collapse, and the only possible way to stop the train in its tracks is to reach out and get help, the one thing he can’t get himself to do.

And he isn’t even really sure why.

It all comes to a head on a warm night in July. He’d fallen into bed that night deliberately, actually intending to sleep for once. The bone-deep tiredness had finally caught up to him and he didn’t even care that he was walking straight into the arms of Tobias Hankel, if it meant he got even an iota of refreshing sleep, then it would be worth it.

But he isn’t quite of the same mind when he wakes up at two in the morning like he does almost every night: soaked in sweat with his heart going a million beats per minute, with only one difference. Tonight, he’s crying.

Maybe it’s the emotional turmoil of the last few months catching up to him, or maybe it’s just the severity of this particular dream, but whatever it is, he can’t seem to stop even once he’s awake. Sobs wrack his shoulders as he cries miserably into the pillow, finally letting out the emotions he’s kept bottled up so tightly, and he’s almost wailing after a couple of minutes of anguish.

All he can think as he cries helplessly is how badly he wants Derek. He wants to be wrapped up in his strong and safe embrace, he wants to feel the movement of his soft goatee against his cheek, he wants to inhale the comforting scent of his sleep t-shirts, he wants the warmth and solace that only Derek Morgan can give him, and in that moment, emotionally distraught and so incredibly sleep-deprived, he decides to get it.

He stumbles out of his bedroom and down the hall, stopping once he reaches Derek’s door. He hesitates for only a second before he pushes it open slowly, allowing the light from the lamp they keep switched on in the hallway to gently illuminate the shadows of his bedroom.

“Spencer?” Derek asks groggily, immediately sitting up and wiping his eyes. “What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

At the acknowledgement of his tears, Spencer starts to cry harder, and as embarrassed as he feels, he can’t slow the steady stream of tears rolling down his face as he stands in the doorway like a child in their parents’ room.

“Spence,” Derek says again, gentle and sympathetic, “come here.” He lifts the duvet up and scooches over slightly as if to make room for him in his already spacious king-size bed.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, though, and he stumbles forward, collapsing into bed and wrapping himself around Derek instantly. His arms come up to circle Spencer’s waist, caressing him gently as he holds him close to his body, shushing him quietly.

“It’s okay, Spence,” he murmurs. “I’m here now, alright? We’re gonna fix whatever it is, I promise you. We’ll get through this. You’ll get through this.”

He lets himself cry and cry and cry until his tears are dried up and he’s hiccupping from the force of his sobs. He would feel terrible about the damp spot left on Derek’s t-shirt, but he simply doesn’t have the energy. Instead, he continues to lie there on Derek’s chest, listening to his softly spoken assurances and losing himself in the sensation of Derek’s fingertips caressing the skin of his waist.

After a couple of minutes of silence, interrupted only by the odd hiccup from Spencer’s tired lungs, Derek finally asks the question. “What was that all about, pretty boy?” he asks with a tenderness Spencer isn’t sure he’s ever heard before. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Been having nightmares,” Spencer whispers, keeping his eyes closed against Derek’s imploring gaze.

He feels Derek tense beneath him, his fingers briefly pausing before resuming their comforting patterns on his waist, and a heavy breath escapes his lips. “For how long?”

“Last couple of months,” he mumbles, and somehow another tear manages to escape Spencer’s screwed up eyes.

“Well,” Derek sighs, “I suppose that explains a lot. We’ve been so worried about you, Spencer. We had no idea what was going on but we could all see you withdrawing, and it wasn’t exactly a secret how exhausted you were.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Derek says sadly. “I should’ve pushed harder to figure out what was going on with you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this all alone.”

“I didn’t know how to tell anyone,” Spencer says, suddenly desperate to explain as he shifts slightly to look Derek in the eye. “I was so scared and I didn’t want anyone to think that I was weak or I couldn’t do my job anymore, and I just didn’t know what to do.”

“I know, Spence,” Derek says soothingly, “but you’ve told me now, haven’t you? And I’m going to do everything I can to get you some help. We’ll fix this, baby. I promise you, I’m going to make sure you’re happy and healthy again if it’s the last thing I do, okay?”

Spencer sniffs a little, wiping tiredly at his eyes as he blinks up at the sincerity on Derek’s face. For the first time in far too long he manages a smile. “Okay.”

Derek runs a hand through his hair before dropping a kiss to the top of his head. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”

Spencer’s smile widens and he buries his face in Derek’s chest again as his cheeks flush red. “Please.”

Months later, they’ll realise they never officially asked one another to be in an actual, exclusive relationship. Months later, they’ll know instinctively and with absolute certainty that this night was the night that changed everything for them, and exactly one year later, they’ll celebrate their first anniversary on that date.

Tonight, though, they sleep curled up next to one another in Derek’s bed, and although Spencer doesn’t fall into the same dreamless sleep he grew used to immediately after Hankel, for once he isn’t haunted by nightmares, but dreams inflected with hope for what the future holds for them, and he’ll take that over dreamlessness any day.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @ @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds (add yourself to my taglist)

[cardentist]

I haven’t been in the star trek fandom for very long (I’ve only just started binging the series in the last couple months), so it’s been pretty surprising to find out just how negative the perception of the reboot movies are.

this isn’t coming from the perspective of someone who grew up with the series, so it hit different for me than it might for people with a different relationship to TOS, but I thought it was genuinely clever and Respectful with how it was handled.

To quote leonard nimoy: “Well the alternative timeline gives them license to escape from canon concerns. I can’t see people saying ‘they shouldn’t do that because…’ or ‘that doesn’t tie in to such and such’ because it is a different time and place. Am I right about that?” [Link]

the entire Premise is that the original series happened as it was presented in TOS, but an event late in Spock’s life caused the creation of a parallel universe in which everyone’s lives were significantly altered through two key changes to the timeline. this gives them the freedom to Both revel in fanservice And explore different facets of the characters and their relationships. 

the destruction of vulcan Vastly impacts the characters and the plot moving forward, and its a detail that a lot of people take issue with. but the emotional impact of sarek admitting Directly to spock that there is value in his humanity, that his feelings Aren’t wrong, that sarek married amanda because he Loved her cannot be understated. you can read all of these things into sarek as he was in the original series, but he Never had an open conversation about these things with spock. this creates a Believable and Rewarding change in their relationship, where we get to see a different facet of them Because of the changes made. and that’s exactly the appeal. showing us pieces of these characters that we never got in TOS that are nevertheless undeniably Them.

everyone is Different yes, but they’re also fundamentally the same people at their core and that matters.

kirk’s personality obviously takes the biggest change, with him experiencing trauma at a young age, losing his father, and having an implied abusive father figure after that point. he has a harsher personality in reaction to harsher conditions, he’s spikier and harder to love. but he’s also still fundamentally a Good person whose willing to risk everything to help people. he still has what made kirk prime a good captain and a good friend.

I’m not gonna say that it’s the most nuanced story in the world, but it explores a version of kirk that was born from even Less fortunate circumstances than kirk prime, exploring a kirk brimming with potential who learned to bite back after he was kicked down. exploring those themes of trauma and loss, of insecurity and growth, and coming to the conclusion that Fundamentally He Is Capable Of Good isn’t a Bad thing. you don’t have to like it, but his growth into a better person is The Point. they deepened his flaws (all of which were present in a less exaggerated form in TOS) To Show That Growth.

and then of course there’s his relationship with spock.

people are totally justified in not liking that they had a rough start to their relationship, I usually don’t like to see that kind of thing in reboots or hollywood adaptations either, but the way people talk about it is just unfair.

Yes kirk and spock and bones have a very strong relationship in TOS, they also already know each other by the time the show starts. to look at them having to learn to get to know and trust each other when they first meet and say that it’s Bad because they were already full on ride or die for each other in the og series is silly. TOS kirk and spock had to meet and fall in love with each other too, it didn’t just happen over night kings.

secondly, the entire point of the first movie is that Even With reality itself being altered to pull them apart they are fundamentally compatible people that are Bound to each other. they meet each other on bad terms because of circumstances outside of their control, and yet they’re still pulled into each other’s orbit and find the other slotting into place next to them as if they always belonged. one of the first things that spock prime says in the movie is “I am and always will be your friend,” spock and jim are Meant for each other and the movie goes out of its way to explain that. which is what makes it so Weird to see people complaining about how they don’t like each other.

it’s a Different relationship, but it’s absolutely no less steeped in yearning or queer subtext. 

speaking of queer subtext ! some people are Very unhappy with spock’s relationship with uhura.

first thing I wanna say is that making the argument that they’re doing anything that the original series hasn’t done is just, completely untrue. kirk has fallen in love with more girls in the og series than he knew what to do with, leonard nimoy was a heartthrob in his time (and he deserves it, awooga) and spock reflects that ! Spock usually turns the women who come onto him down (or when he doesn’t it’s because a plant has literally altered his mind), but there are exceptions to even that. all of three of the main boys have plenty of romance subplots, it happens. if that takes the possibility of them being queer off the table for you (which it shouldn’t, m-spec people exist) then I’m sorry to say that TOS is not exempt.

now, I can understand why Specifically This Relationship could rub people the wrong way or being disappointed that they didn’t outright depict kirk and spock as having a relationship (if not in the first movie then in the following ones after they’ve gotten to know each other), but even in that context the way I’ve seen people talk about it comes off as insensitive.

no, the relationship did not come out of nowhere. they considered having spock and uhura date each other in the original show (and you can see signs of this in the earlier episodes, where uhura very obviously flirts with him and they spend time together in their down time) before they decided against it, and spock was originally going to kiss uhura until shatner insisted that he wanted to do it (because it was the first interracial kiss on tv). [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3]

nichelle nichols was asked about this exact thing (spock and uhura’s relationship in the movie), you can read the interview in full here [Link] but I’d like to highlight this paragraph in particular:

“Now, go back to my participation in Star Trek as Uhura and Leonard (Nimoy) as Spock. There was always a connection between Uhura and Spock. It was the early 60’s, so you couldn’t do what you can do now, but if you will remember, Uhura related to Spock. When she saw the captain lost in space out there in her mirror, it was Spock who consoled her when she went screaming out of her room. When Spock needed an expert to help save the ship, you remember that Uhura put something together and related back to him the famous words, “I don’t know if I can do this. I’m afraid.” And Uhura was the only one who could do a spoof on Spock. Remember the song (in “Charlie X”)? Those were the hints, as far as I’m concerned.”

the film makers looked at the fact there were Hints for uhura and spock, that they were Interested in exploring an interracial couple for the first time (both before and immediately after interracial couples won the right to legally get married) but Couldn’t because of the circumstances of the times and decided to Make that depiction. you don’t have to Like their relationship just because of that fact, but it’s Incredibly reductive to play down it’s significance as just a No Homo cop out. explicitly queer relationships are not the only progressive or culturally important relationships in fiction.

moreover, if you can’t imagine polyamory in the communist utopian future that’s on you.

moreover, this perception that this was a soulless cash grab is just, unfounded.

leonard nimoy returned to the role as spock for the first time in 16 years (since 1991) and this was Entirely because of the respect they had for nimoy, spock as a character, and the franchise as a whole. 

Lets look at some quotes from nimoy in interviews regarding the film:

Leonard Nimoy: When I first read the script (...) I immediately contacted J.J. and said “I think it is terrific…I think you guys have done a wonderful job. There is still work to be done, but it is very clear that you and your writers know what you are doing and you know how to do this movie and know what it should be about….and I am very interested.” Then as time went by we worked things out with Paramount, but the most important things were J.J. and the script. (...) I am very pleased about that and I am very comfortable with where this is going. I think the writers have done a terrific job. They have a real sense of the characters and the heart of Star Trek and what it is really all about.

(...)

TrekMovie.com: Now in the case of the new movie you have been retired from acting for years. What was it about this one that made you want to act again and go through the make up again? What was it that made you say ‘I really want to do this?’

Leonard Nimoy: You are right, this is a special situation. First it is Star Trek and so I have to pay attention. I owe that to Star Trek. Second place is that it is J.J. Abrams who I think very highly of, he is a very talented guy. Then came the script and it was very clear that I could make a contribution here. The Spock character that I am playing, the original Spock character, is essential and important to the script. So on the basis of those three elements it was easy to make the decision. So those three things: Star Trek, J.J. Abrams, and an interesting Spock role.

[Link]

Praising the cast playing younger versions of characters from the original 1960s TV series, he [Leonard Nimoy] said: “Let me take the opportunity to say this. Everybody at this table [the cast] are very, very talented and intelligent people.”

“They found their own way to bring that talent and intelligence to this movie, and I think it shows. (...)  When Karl Urban introduced himself as Leonard McCoy and shook hands with Chris Pine, I burst into tears. That performance of his is so moving, so touching and so powerful as Doctor McCoy, that I think D. Kelley would be smiling, and maybe in tears as well.”

“The makers of this film reawakened the passion in me that I had when we made the original film and series. I was put back in touch with what I cared about and liked about Star Trek, and why I enjoyed being involved with Star Trek. So, it was an easy way to come on home.”

“[In this Star Trek] they said things and showed me things, and demonstrated the sensibility that I felt very comfortable with, and I think that shows in the movie. I like it.”

[Link 1, Link 2]

again, you don’t have to like it just because leonard nimoy did, you don’t have to Agree. but the idea that nobody working on the film Cared is provably false. near everyone working on the project was already a fan of the series or were excited to be involved and did their homework. it’s genuinely a Miracle just how much of a labor of love this was, and in my opinion you can feel that through the movie itself. I’d highly recommend looking into interviews and behind the scenes details about the movies. they had a respect not just for the source material, but for leonard nimoy as a person.

there’s definitely more I Could say about this, but it’s 4 am now so I’m gonna shelve it jklfdsa

that said! it’s Fine to not like the movie, not everything is going to be suited to everyone’s taste, but the specific criticisms I’ve seen feel very off base

[purebarnes]

the family feud fic was amazing, if you made a series with just reader in interviews I’d die

‘Infinity war cast on mtv news compilation

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ— during the release infinity war, you and some of the cast stop by to some trivia and questions with josh horowitz

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ— 1.4k

ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀꜱ— clingy seb, nothing but fluff here

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ ꜱᴘ���ᴀᴋꜱ— people seemed to like the other seb one that i did so here is another one. originally i was going to do more of these but you said you wanted more reader!interviews so here it is.

with the pressure of doing interviews before any movie would come out would peeve you out because you had a trouble time not trying to spoil anything. obviously you were no mark ruffalo or tom holland but oh boy was it frustrating. in marvel, they would do their best to situate people with others because they want everyone to be together and also comfortable.

you never had a problem with they would place you in with because you were very friendly with everyone but it was so much like school—where you could pick but you need to have a balance with who you would be paired with. when you did other avenger movies sometimes it would be you and the chris’s.

for the interview you would get paired with sebastian, anthony and winston because your publicist would make the best way for everyone to be together. she knew what it was like if you anthony and sebastian would be together so obviously you didn’t mind and either did the boys which was fine if they weren’t close with you.

you see everyone gathering and did your best to greet everyone and when it was your time to get interviewed with the boys, you all left. “let’s go, you three.” you all three would end up making it to josh where he was getting set up. obviously greeting the man and the rest of the crew, you all started positioning yourselves. since they only had three chairs they had to bring you one, putting your seat next to sebastians.

as josh went to explain what they would do, you sat down next to seb crossing your legs and putting your head on his shoulder. you would notice that he would take off your name tag and switch it with yours as they all did that. mackie noticing you two switching them getting jealous so he would grab winston’s so he would match with the couple, scoffing at them.

grabbing seb’s hand until you heard the camera rolling starting the interview, “you could probably name all six of the infinity stones.” josh asked when everyone all looked at each other when you would answer right away. “uh, time, space, mind, soul, reality and power?” you would say when the boys looked at you impressed. “actually you got it.”

they would all cheer for you when he kept on going with his questions. “what’s the name of the guardians of the galaxy’s ship?” you would actually wouldn’t know that because you haven’t really remembered anything about that movie. “the, uh, millennium falcon.” anthony answering proudly but getting shut down by sebastian. “no.” you would shake your head in disbelief at mackie while winston would just agree with him.

“what are the names of the aliens that invade earth at the end of the avengers?” truth be told, you actually were in the movie so it might accuse that you should know that but you honestly forgot or just weren’t paying attention. “oh, oh, oh, the dudes that came with centipede dude.” you would be thinking on your own little world, “y/n, you should know this— was it the chitauri?” winston answered the question celebrating on his own without his boys.

winston getting upset that no one was cheering with him, “ay! i’m alone? celebrate with me!” he would tell them as you would watch him and chuckle as he kept going. then going on to other questions, “could you describe what y/c/n powers are?” josh asked and you would stay back and see if they honestly would know. the boys being them would go and raise their hands to be funny as they would like to say.

josh picking anthony as he would star his chaos already into this question, “see, i went to elementary school. i can deal with kids.” chucking at your friend then looking at seb to see what he was doing. “she had the ability to control space and time metaphorically—quantum.” winston would intervene him when he kept going with explains the powers you had. “with the quantumization of her hands.” he would also do some hand movements like you would do in the film but you thought he was so hilarious.

“and she does this pop-and-lock thing to make it happen.” anthony would say making you burst out in tears from the ridiculousness that came out of this mans mouth. he would turn to you to tell you he was right, “you know im right—i mean yeah.” you would agree rolling your eyes then focusing on the next question.

going to play another game with all the men, you loved to do those games since it would create a whole amount of fun with them. Josh’s team giving all four of you chris head outs to play the next game making you gawk at the chris’es. you’d play around with the heads as you still were a child at heart, “don’t break them y/n.” josh would joke around with you pouting and placing them on your lap while anthony would tease you constantly, “she’s always breaking stuff.” rolling his eyes at your direction.

sebastian chuckling then watching you with his blue eyes that made you fall for him even more, you two literally could have a conversation with just your eyes as weird and cliche that would sound. you two just knew each other so well that it would just work that way with you guys. “which chris like taxidermy?” josh asked and you grew confused as you weren’t sure what that meant or even was. “what’s that?” you’d ask him then him telling you what it was.

“uh, i don’t know...” you would guess putting up chris pratt’s head up as the other chris’s didn’t seem to be that way but not in a mean way obviously, you and mackie both putting up the right answer. sebastian and winston choosing evans as their answer as anthony would cheer on the side. “i know my weird people.” as the next question appears you all seemed to know the answer pretty quickly. asking who would be the most theatrical in high school, “him of course.” hold up evan’s face, “how does everyone know this—something about those tap shoes that lately have come out.”

josh asking another question and you right away just knowing the answer because of a past experience you had with chris. “you knew that pretty quickly y/n.” josh commenting at your speediness as you chuckle, “care to comment—so when we would work on a film together, he would like speak to me in conversational german.” fanning your self making seb look at you as he didn’t know that. “huh, didn’t know that—didn’t think it mattered.” you would mutter smiling lightly then leaning his stare.

“which chris won the fantasy football league?” you rolling your eyes and holding up evan’s head up when you knew the answer. “he never stops talking about it.” you’d mutter annoyingly at the thought of them both. finally getting asked which chris was the most charming and none of them picking evan’s, you picking evan’s. “you said evan’s—i just felt bad.” you would chuckle as they would all burst out laughing finally finishing the interview.

thanking josh, you all four left to go meet up with the others as you guys were all done. the rest of the day consisted of just hanging out and eating lunch with the cast since it would be that that time around. walking out to see sebastian walking out when you grabbed his arm to ask him if he was alright. “you good—yeah.” he would answer you showing that it he was fine, “are still upset about the Pratt thing, babe that was a long time ago.” you would remind him.

“you should of just told me, aren’t we supposed to tell each other everything.” he said looking down as you went to grab his hand and rubbed your finger against his palm reassuring him that none of that mattered. “you’re right. look, i’m sorry alright.” pushing yourself to him, kissing his cheek then leading him out to everyone.

[bakugohoex]

“probably married to this dumbass”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: pro hero (aged up) fluff, language, implied 18+ and kissing 

word count: 2600+

a/n: i was in the mood to write some bakugo i have three requests atm so if you guys want to send in more i’ll write someee

summary: in which you and bakugo get interviewed on a talk show on what it’s like being pro hero, what turns into a simple where do you see yourself in five years leads to your relationship being announced on live tv

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

You and Bakugo were in love, you knew it, your friends knew it. The people of Japan however had no idea, you were seen just as partners on patrols when out and about. They had no idea of the lewd things Bakugo whispered in your ear as you tried to make sure there was no crime going on. His aim of being the number one hero was becoming a reality, his personality from UA had changed, he may still be the loud explosive man, but he was sometimes kind to civilians. You stress the sometimes.

He would help people get up and tell them off for falling, his logic made sense, but you still loved him even if half the time he was screaming. You had both been asked to be on a talk show that aired at night so nothing you and Bakugo ever saw as you spent many hours at your shared apartment fucking.

It was a love language for the shouty man, and you wouldn’t lie and say you didn’t love coming home to be pinned against a wall. Feeling ever so small under his gaze filled with lust and love.

“You’re telling me, me and Y/n have to be on a fucking show.” He hollered at one of the girls who was currently interning.

“Don’t shout Katsuki.” You mutter giving a more sympathetic look to the poor girl. “It might be fun.”

“Fun.” He raised as eyebrow shouting, as he dragged you to a secluded area of the hero agency. “Fun would be making you beg for my dick; this is not my idea of fun princess.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment as his arm rested on the wall, he leaned further and further towards you. “If we go then tomorrow we get the day off.” You move your finger up his arm to his shoulder, “we can do whatever you want to do.”

You were taunting him; he gave a smirk however falling right into it. You couldn’t lie you wanted to get dressed up and gain some attention. “Whatever I want yeah.”

“Whatever you want baby.” You cooed as he smirked, he watches as your hands moved to his hero costume, his exposed neck as you brushed your finger across it about to move it to his lip to brush against.

He quickly walks away as you huff as the lack of contact, not even a kiss goodbye. You followed as you saw him storm to the girl who looked scared for her life, he must’ve said an okay as she gave a small smile to you. You smiled back before Bakugo came back.

“It’s at 7, they want us to look nice for the reputation of the agency or whatever.” He crosses his arms leaning against the desk you had leant against.

You were all giddy now, happy that you were able to look pretty, even with your very much exposed hero costume due to your quirk needing more skin contact, you still wanted to feel pretty in something that you didn’t associate with hero work. “I know you’re happy to look all amazing, but even if you turned up in a bin bag you’d still be the prettiest girl in the room, dumbass”

When Bakugo spoke you instantly blushed at his comment, he was never one to outright praise you with hero work, but as soon as it came to your relationship and making you happy he was always one to compliment you, even with it ended with him calling you dumbass. But at least you were his dumbass.

You had been made to choose from a couple dresses as they wanted you to look drop dead gorgeous, you chose a red one that matched Bakugo’s eyes as it hugged your body and went to the ground, it had thin straps and you couldn’t lie and say that if Bakugo saw you in this he would want to tear it right off.

You had been told someone would do your make up at the show’s base, and to Bakugo’s dismay the two of you had been separated. Being guided to the base, you sat down eagerly as you saw women and men surrounding you, they did your hair and your make up effortlessly making you look like an absolute goodness. 

They were really pulling out the stops for this one thing, it was rare for you to do talk shows as you were more into interviews that were pre recorded and edited. Live ones were more Deku’s and Bakugo’s thing though.

“You look gorgeous.” The same girl who had told you about the talk show spoke as she held the dress out.

“Thank you.” You smiled back as you put the dress on, you had worn the necklace that Katsuki had got you which had the letter K on it assuming people would think it was anybody’s name and not the man who in a couple minutes would walk out with you.

A red bracelet wrapped around your wrist as you wore a couple rings on your fingers, the promise one encasing your ring finger, it had a small gem in the middle of the gold band and you had refused to take it and your necklace off as it meant so much to you.

Before you knew it was nearly time to go and you saw as Bakugo huffed walking in with a man, Bakugo was for sure not paying attention as the red button up adorned his chest and black trousers clinged to his legs. He had left the top two buttons open, wearing similar rings to you with the black ring you had gotten him around his own ring finger. It was small and thin but inside had your name inscribed in it, he loved it and would wear it with anything, the feeling of it around your throat always sent shivers down your spine.

As soon as he noticed you standing in front of him, he was dumbfounded, he couldn’t even speak, looking at you up and down. He walked towards you putting his arms around your waist, “You’re too gorgeous to resist princess.” You blush as he turns you around so he can get a better view of you.

He loved the sight in front of him, your confident nature was brought out through the dress, everything about the way you looked defined you and it made him fall even more in love with you.

The girl from earlier had gestured for the both of you to go in, Bakugo let go of your waist, missing the touch of your hips on his ever-irritated cock. You both smiled as you saw that there was even a live audience. Bakugo walked in like he owned the place as you just kept straight not wanting to trip in the heels they had made you wear.

“Welcome both of you, come sit, sit.” She gestured as there was a long couch waiting for the two of you, Bakugo let you go first as you sat closest to the host and Bakugo sat beside you, your legs touching as his arm wrapped to the back of the couch, ever so relaxed. “So, we have Pro Heroes Dynamight and (your hero name), better known as Katsuki Bakugo and Y/n Y/L/N.”

You smiled at her as Bakugo didn’t speak or look at her, he had been dragged in this due to thinking with his downstairs brain at the heat of the moment. But seeing how happy you looked in the dress how could he ever have said no to you?

“So, first off we need to know what got you to want to become heroes.”

“Katsuki.” You mutter if he wanted to talk first, you noticed that in a lot of these live stuff he liked talking a lot, but his normal chatty nature had changed as if he was in a trace and the cause was most definitely you. “Okay well, it’s probably the most basic reason but I saw a hero save someone and I instantly fell in love with the idea of saving and helping people.”

You knew it was common for many heroes to have this sort of epiphany, you heard Bakugo speak as he sat up right, “All Might of course, from seeing him I knew I wanted to be number one hero.”

He had a calmer demeanour trying not to shout or get as pissed off as he usually did, you smiled at him as he looked down at your body again. “Do you have any advice to any kids out there who want to be heroes?”

“Work hard and even if it doesn’t work out at first you’ll still be a hero in your own way.” You smile out.

Bakugo laughs at the comment, he knew you were being nice for the show as he knew what you’d have really said, “If you suck, you suck, get strong or you’ll die.” Your eyes grow wide at his bluntness.

“Katsuki.” You scowled at him as the host and the audience laugh, you hit his chest feeling his hard muscles underneath.

“It’s the truth Y/n, you started to sugar-coat stuff.” He raises an eyebrow as he leans back again.

The host continues to ask questions as you answer enticingly as Bakugo makes remarks that lift the comfort of the room, you had finally becoming comfortable, the host asking about UA. “So, we heard that you two went to UA together, were you two friends, did you get along?”

Bakugo was the first one to speak, you two had been dating since UA and had kept it a secret from everyone except for Class 1A, as soon as the dorm system had been implemented it made it a lot easier to be around each other and one by one the class found out. Even with continuing dating after graduating they all knew you had remained strong together and it was a surprise nobody had found out on the amount of dates you two went on.

“Yeah we were friends I guess; we were in the same class and spent time with the class together.” He smiled as he thought of the days were you’d both sneak into each other’s rooms to be able to cuddle at night. His taller frame always encasing you in love. “She was a pain back then though.”

You glare at the boy before you interrupt up him, “me a pain, I distinctly remember you pissing off everybody.”

You laughed as he glared back at you, “seems like you two really are the best friends everybody talks about.” You nodded as to try and not blow your secret relationship. “Now for the finally question of the night, where do both of you see each other in five years?”

You had never been asked something like this, you were only in your early twenties and five years is a substantial difference now then it was in your teens. Where would you be? Would you and Bakugo remain strong with you still be partners would Bakugo be the number one hero. You carefully thought trying to get a satisfactory answer out.

Well you had clearly been thinking because Bakugo blurted out the words nobody had expected, “probably married to this dumbass.”

Your head shot as he had his arm around the couch still, his legs spread as if he was waiting for you to sit on his lap. “K…Katsuki.” Realisation hit him as it made his mouth went dry.

The host looked before the two of you noticing, how Bakugo’s arm moved to behind your back, your legs touching, the K necklace around your neck and the look of love that surrounded the two of you.

“You two are dating?” She asks.

He gives a look to you as you nod at the idiot, “Yeah since our UA days, isn’t that right princess, you were always obsessed with me.” The nickname rolling off his tongue as your face flushed a bright pink.

“Katsuki you liar.” You mutter, the mic still picking up on it as you could hear it play on the speakers.

“That is adorable, you two are such a cute couple.” The host coos as you smile at her.

“Yeah we might be cute but dating his is like dating a kid.” You laugh as you were trying to get back at Bakugo for embarrassing you.

“I expect it would be” The host smiles as the audience still hadn’t said anything only watching at you two. She wrapped the show up as you could almost hear your phone go off in the other room.

The host said goodbye to you both as the audience watched intensively as they walked out, “you and your big mouth.” You mutter to Bakugo as he grabs your hand walking you to the side.

“But now we can go on dates anytime we want now, idiot.” He laughs.

You shrug as he still held your hand, not bothering to change he grabs your bag and clothes as he takes his own, passing you your phone as he remained holding hands with you. “Twitter has gone mad.”

“Yeah cause two sex god’s have been dating and they never knew.” He smirks as you push into his side.

“Mr and Mrs Bakugo, there’s a car waiting outside for you.” You almost choke on the name as you look at one of the producers.

“It’s Miss Y/L/N.” You spoke softly but she hadn’t heard as Bakugo grinned at the thought.

“Come on Mrs Bakugo, our cars waiting.” You wanted to rip his throat out, as you both walked outside.

Fans around the both of you as Bakugo put an arm tightly around you, he didn’t want this to happen, but he basked in all the attention. “You’re enjoying this too much.”

He grins looking down at you as he goes to you ear, “It’s because tomorrow you won’t be doing any walking at all.”

Your face reddens at what he said, the sex addicted Bakugo was too comfortable and having said that in front of fan only made your face blush even more. He opened the door for you as you got in, he followed as he sat right beside you, the driver taking you to your apartment.

“We could always have some fun here.” You watching his hands move across your thigh, slowly getting higher and higher at every touch.

“You’re such a perv Bakugo.” You hissed slapping his hand, his quirk created little sparkles as he lifted your dress up, putting his hand inside as he grabbed your thigh. The hotness making your legs shuffle at the closeness it had to your pussy.

“Your perv though princess.” His antics continued and before you knew it you were inside the elevator to your apartment, his hands around your waist as his chin rested on top of your head. “I love you.”

He spoke calmly for once without any snideness or ulterior motive. “I love you too.” You reply back as you turned to face him, your hands wrapping around his neck as you leant in and kissed him, his arms wrapping around your waist, the kiss deepening as he pulled you closer towards his body, he groped at your hips as he moves to your ass, squeezing it through the thin material. The elevator opened up as his teeth bit into your bottom lip as you retracted, the feeling of him remaining on you.

You knew what was going to occur for the next day and you knew you certainly weren’t prepared for losing the ability to walk for the next week. But as he watched you look gorgeous in the dress you watched over him with the same love and lust. You were perfect for each other and nothing would ever change that.

If you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and I’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Skwisgaar's Psychology

After rewatching Metalocalypse a total of three times ever since the news of the potential finale movie I kind of had a realization; I really fucking love Skwisgaar. I also started by halfway through rewatch two realized that his story and background and general psychology is really fucking fascinating to me.

So I am going to do my best to discuss his character and his psychology and how we see him progress through the show....I already did this with Toki a while back and kind of would love to do it with Murderface and maybe Pickles as well, I'd say Nathan, but he's the....least fucked up in a sense.

Skwisgaar let's start has the most dialogue in the first couple of seasons of the show and even then it isn't overwhelming compared to the other members of the band. By season four he speaks very little and rarely.

When we are introduced to him in the beginning of the show he seems to be like the rest of the group; a diva spoiled rich rocker who has been grossly wealthy for so long that he's forgotten how to function as a human.

You also with the first season especially have this running gag that isn't even a running gag that Skwisgaar or Toki will say something weird and then the other will add onto it and they just say weird shit about life and death or the violence of man, it's weird, and strangely endearing.

Which speaking of how those two play off each other brings me to the fact the pilot episode immediately establishes that these two are almost always together. The band goes to a grocery store and everybody splits up, except for Skwisgaar and Toki who go off together when in all reality that isn't remotely necessary. We also learn in that first episode that Skwisgaar gets pissed when Toki teases him and calls him a woman despite Skwisgaar calling him one like a second earlier and also that Skwisgaar is sexually attracted to elderly women.

Two things are heavily associated with Skwisgaar as a character; he is extremely sexually active and he's got his guitar with him in 99% of scenes. Skwisgaar also doesn't appear to be the most talkative, he can be bitchy and throw tantrums like the rest of his bandmates, but also seems to be more prone to crying and becoming anxious or worried for his friends and their wellbeing/safety, in terms of socializing he seems to be a bit awkward and seems the most comfortable communicating through sex and music. He's teasing and can be a dick, but there's no real edge to it. He also while seeming in some regards to be a bit....dumb to be blunt about it seems to actually be rather smart, though often seems to just keep that to himself probably because he knows who his friends are and they aren't prone to listening to people.

Season one wasted no time in introducing the band's parents and this included Skwisgaar's mother, Serveta. One thing that I do find super interesting is that he is the only member of the band who comes from a single mother, technically it isn't interesting, but the theory (probably canon) that their fathers aren't really their fathers at all and that their mothers became pregnant by the Deth Star makes it interesting. To me at least.

With Skwisgaar's mom in regards to the first season of the show we quickly learn that their relationship is strained. She's an older woman who just like Skwisgaar is very sexually active, we see her come onto Nathan's father who is married and sitting with his wife and son, Skwisgaar's reaction to this is to get upset and begin frantically playing his guitar. Skwisgaar spends a good portion of this episode drinking and at one point saying that ever since his mom got there his stomach had been hurting and he'd just been feeling like absolute shit. When we see him bonding with his mom he's brushing her hair and looking like he'd rather be dead or any place else, seeing him helping her groom is weirdly a red flag to me.

We learn by the third season of the show that his mother is intensely vain and in love with herself, she resents Skwisgaar because being pregnant with him and giving birth to him ruined her 'perfect' body and I'm sure the years where he was too young to fend for himself annoyed her because it meant she couldn't party or have men over or run off whenever she wanted, something I get the feeling that changed when he was about ten years of age. In a bonus video that comes with the first season of the show you see interviews with the band on various random topics; one of the scenes that is...uncomfortable to say the least is when family is brought up. Skwisgaar begins to say something, but trails off and becomes visibly upset before saying he's just going to shut down for a while, Toki confesses some more physical abuse before also shutting down.

I'm going to take a guess that Skwisgaar only had his mother when he was growing up and she only had him, I'm sure she has parents and maybe even siblings and aunts and uncles, but it appears that she has absolutely no relationship with them and Skwisgaar most probably never met these people.

The walls of Serveta's home sport dozens of headshots of herself and a couple of pictures of Skwisgaar as a kid thrown up by the front door almost as an after thought. It's likely and most probable that Skwisgaar was thrusted into the position of caretaker and even a husband sort of position when it came to his relationship with his mom; given the task of looking after her, holding her hair back when she pukes after a night of drinking, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. We know when he was about ten or thirteen years old he came home from school to find his mom having sex with two men, an event that scared him and led to him being chased by wolves and falling into a pit where if he weren't a demi-god he legit would have died. I feel like his mom reached a point with him where she stopped caring whether or not he saw her....personal life, perceiving him as an adult despite still just being a boy and also seeing him as somebody who is taking up space in her home and preventing her from having fun.

When she marries Tyr they're all over each other constantly....until Skwisgaar and Tyr become friends and begin spending time together, then she cheats on him. She was jealous that her latest man wasn't giving her constant attention and got angry at the concept of sharing him with her own child, which is super fucked up.

Skwisgaar throughout the show has a fake persona. He likes to pretend he in some way is like his mom; he likes to pretend he has his head up his own ass and doesn't need anybody but himself, he loves himself more than he could ever love another person. Which isn't true. At all.

I think that growing up with a narcissistic parent who emotionally neglected and emotionally abused him put him in a position where he had to shut down like that. He had to learn at a very young age that crying and yelling and being angry gets nothing done except maybe piss his mom off more, after finding his guitar he threw himself into music and appeared to shut himself off socially, preferring music over human interactions.

Music is something that Skwisgaar can rely on no matter what happens; he will always have a guitar, he will always be able to create music even if it is just for himself and nobody else. People come and go, people physically hurt you, people emotionally hurt you, or make you feel worthless. When we see the flashback to the night Magnus was kicked out of Dethklok Skwisgaar is faded into the background, almost like a ghost with his slumped shoulders and his hair curtaining his face as if he wants to just disappear. When they're auditioning for a replacement Skwisgaar is positive he doesn't want somebody else in the band, that they are fine just being four.

I think it comes from the fact he was terrified of repeating what just happened with Magnus, finding somebody he might think he can bond with over music only for that person to turn into a monster who makes him feel like he can't even do the thing he loves more than anything correctly....Then Toki came in and when they had their duel it quickly turned from a competition into a conversation. Because that's the one way Skwisgaar knows how to communicate, the way he is the most comfortable with; he likes to communicate through guitar and finding somebody who he could speak to through music excited him.

It's clear for obvious age related reasons that Skwisgaar has/had a care taker role where Toki is concerned. I mean he was about 15/16 when Skwisgaar took him into the band so he was a literal child, even when he's older Skwisgaar still looks out for him and is in his own sense immensely protective where he's concerned. Skwisgaar is also that way with the rest of the band even if it's more subtle. He worries about his bandmates, if they get injured or nearly killed it bothers him and he doesn't want anything to happen to them. When the band is going to break up he completely shuts down, because admit to it or not they had become the only family he ever had. I think Skwisgaar is so hard wired from his childhood to care for people that it's something he can't shake and maybe with the band he doesn't feel its a bad habit, because unlike with his mom, his bandmates arent forcing him to look after them. It's something he does because he wants to do it.

Of course in regards to his attraction to older women that definitely comes from issues relating to his mother....I don't think it's in a creepy Freud way, but more so just wanting to feel cared for back. Very obviously he can't exactly approach any of his bandmates and ask for a hug....well except maybe Toki and Pickles if he's super drunk or high, but outside of those two instances....they aren't people he could exactly just ask for validation or comfort or consolation. They aren't....good with that shit. Older women though usually have a tendency to be coddling and kind, Skwisgaar probably learned that as a teen or in his twenties, I think it's less about the sex factor and just feeling important. In terms of sex with people closer to him in age (I will die on the hill that he's bisexual, because he keeps just throwing it out there that he would blow a guy and he had multiple three ways with Melmord) I think it's a distraction for the most part, he uses sex the same way he often uses music, and honestly....He grew up seeing his mother have men over constantly.

Skwisgaar didn't grow up seeing love or healthy relationships, he saw his mom parade various men through the house and maybe she kept some of them for a while and I doubt the relationships were healthy and I'm sure he knew that his mother didn't love any man she dated or married for a short while. Even in the show he isn't fond of love or marriage, the only time he dates somebody is when he moves back to Sweden and finally starts to get his life together in a more healthy sense and that relationship didn't feel like it was based on sex. It was based on physical and emotional affection and it was the only time Skwisgaar ever looked actually happy in terms of intimacy.

Sex is a job, a chore for him; he's the God of Life so it's technically what....it's y'know his thing, creating life. As a lot of people notice....he seems far more sexually active after him and Toki's second fight in regards to music and petty bull shit. Season four is essentially the season where Salacia gets what he wanted aka the band tearing itself apart and you can see them all fall apart individually. For Skwisgaar falling apart means closing himself off, throwing himself more into his guitar and more into sex. He becomes more of a tool and an object as if that's all he wants to be, because being a person who opens yourself up and lets people in and tries to care about people ends up with you being hurt, badly.

Which does bring things back to his super complicated slightly homoerotic to the point even the show had to mention it for a hot second relationship with Toki.

We can gather from Doomstar that Toki was far more into music when he first joined Dethklok which I think worked out great for Skwisgaar, because as I said before; Skwisgaar communicates through music and this gave him somebody that he could talk to without the awkwardness of verbally conversing.

Though that changed clearly and you can feel that Skwisgaar is bothered by it, like in some weird way it feels like a minor betrayal. Toki notoriously never practices or puts in a lot of effort in terms of making music which Skwisgaar often comments on, complains about, or gets on him about. Reasonable. Guitar is part of who he is, but at the end of the day a talent that made him rich, that's what it is to Toki.....Skwisgaar on the other hand his guitar is literally an extension of himself and seeing him without a guitar in his hand for longer than a single scene gets weird.

Still despite the two of them losing the art of communicating through their music....they're close. Super fucking close. If you watch Metalocalypse and tell yourself going into the show that you're going to focus heavily on a single character or on a certain relationship you notice a ton of shit. Like you notice that Toki and Skwisgaar almost always sit together, stand together, talk over one another, finish each others weird sentences or ideas, copy each other to the point they spend an entire episode bickering like children over copying each other, and often spend their time hanging out together. Again. They're really close as if they're a single person split into two.

They're close to the point that inverse their fans just to some extent assume the two of them are fucking and madly in love and I mean I'm gonna be honest just objectively speaking here I would not be surprised to find out they have had sex before at least once or more times. Just saying.

That aside though and just sticking to the platonic here....They're close, Toki means as much to Skwisgaar as guitar does, and that's saying a lot. One big reason I want to bring up their relationship is that his relationship with Toki brings to light Skwisgaar's issues with death or more specifically death where Toki is concerned.

In season one when Toki has a bit of a breakdown and Pickles suggest they kill him, Skwisgaar looks tense and uncomfortable and says that he doesn't like the idea because it's a lot and it makes him feel not so good. In a deleted scene where the band watch Nascar together Pickles ask Toki and Skwisgaar if they were supposed to be dead or in jail or something because it's the same episode where they got shit faced and got into a high speed chase. Skwisgaar when responding about it changes the word dead/death out for sleep, stating they were supposed to be put to sleep but just had to do community service instead (Toki corrects that it was jail, not being put to sleep). In the deleted IKEA scene when Toki stressed says maybe the two of them should just kill themselves Skwisgaar immediately freaks out and later when they return to Nathan and Murderface they both look super emotionally fucked up and when Nathan ask if they had been crying Toki gets defensive and says no while Skwisgaar beginning to cry again says they had been crying. Then of course after Toki ruins Skwisgaar's reputation and becomes Magnus Jr. for a few weeks and ends up having a panic attack and making an ass of himself....Skwisgaar thinks he's having a heart attack and freaks the fuck out terrified that he's dying.

Then finally for a compilation of Skwisgaar not handling Toki dying well; in Doomstar before they go in to save Toki Skwisgaar makes the sorrowful comment that sometimes he wonders if they should have stayed a one guitar band. It isn't him being a dick, he isn't saying this isn't worth it. He's saying essentially that Toki was stabbed, kidnapped and possibly murdered and it's completely his fault; if he hadn't taken Toki in then none of this would have happened. Which immediately leads me to believe that post the funeral episode that Skwisgaar spent those months high and drunk and late at night blaming himself for Toki being taken/murdered. That's a lot of blame to put onto yourself and to say its your fault solely because a few years ago you took this kid in off the streets is honestly heart breaking.

Early on in the series there's an episode where Toki's pissed that he isn't seen as Skwisgaar's musical equal, he wants solos, and Skwisgaar turns him down. Which through the series and within that episode itself we easily learn why Skwisgaar never gives him a solo; Toki has performance anxiety and he never practices and quite honestly knows almost nothing about guitar. It's valid. Either way in this particular episode Toki gets pissed and decides he wants to take lessons, Skwisgaar offers and Toki turns him down because last time they tried...he kind of just ended up beating the shit out of Skwisgaar. (to be fair don't dump a bucket of blood on your friend's head) So he goes off and finds an elderly man to teach him how to play guitar, Murderface being a dick decides to tell Skwisgaar that Toki is super good at guitar now and.....Skwisgaar doesn't react well. He gets pissed off and has nightmares about Toki becoming better than him. He even confronts Toki and his guitar teacher and threatens to kick him out of the band. When he realizes at the end of the episode that Toki is still....really not great with music....he's chill again, everything is forgiven.

I kind of think that episode is a reason people perceived Skwisgaar as a dick or is one reason, but honestly he isn't being a dick. I mean sure, a bit, but they're all dicks. The thing is guitar is a crutch for Skwisgaar, it is super important to him and he doesn't know who he is without his guitar, without his music. So somebody else threatening to take that from him freaks him out and he reacts poorly to it.

Then we get to near the end of the show when the same issue arises except completely different. Toki again later in the series ask Skwisgaar for a solo and Skwisgaar annoyed refuses him, Toki being the mild psycho shit that he is decides to just kind of ruin his life as revenge. Again by this point in the show its kind of obvious if you actually pay attention at all that Skwisgaar keeps telling him he can't have solos because Toki never fucking practices and even in the studio Skwisgaar has to record most of the rhythm guitar parts. He's also known since Toki's audition that the kid is prone to choking up and making mistakes, so he's technically protecting him without just outright confronting him.

Toki writes a book calling out Skwisgaar as an abusive tyrant and an over dramatic bitch. Admittedly Skwisgaar is a slight diva and just like the rest of them can be a total asshole, admittedly to a lesser degree than the others. What's really fucking interesting for me personally about this episode is that Skwisgaar is catatonic and depressed for 99% of it. He doesn't speak. This starts literally the second that Toki releases his book saying that Skwisgaar abuses him, this is before Skwisgaar's career goes down the toilet, his career hadn't been impacted by this yet.

Skwisgaar falls to pieces because Toki, Toki who he's known since he was just sixteen and took in off the streets and they're always practically attached at the hip and have been since day one just released a book calling him an abusive monster.

I do have a feeling one reason this fucked him up is because he might be terrified that he's turning into Magnus without realizing it, that perhaps he has become an abusive monster and has been making Toki feel the way that Magnus made him feel towards the end of his time in Dethklok. I think there also is probably something soul crushing about the person you love platonically or otherwise referring to you very publicly as abusive. Of course all of this worsens when Skwisgaar's career begins to fall to shit, eventually towards the end when Toki is at the top of his ego trip being a prick Skwisgaar does confront him, that in itself is interesting.

Skwisgaar goes in way calmer than I would be in that situation, sure he gets pissed off as they bicker, but again he's waaayyyy fucking calmer than anybody else would be especially since Toki just yells at him through the entire conversation. Of course interestingly is that Toki perceives Skwisgaar in a way that isn't entirely true, he thinks Skwisgaar mocks him and thinks of him as nothing which isn't true at all, when he says Skwisgaar laughed at him he just responds that he never did that and he sounds slightly hurt by that. They're both hurt and none of these men are good with healthy emotions. Skwisgaar never loses his shit on him in the entire conversation, he looks like he could easily go ape shit but instead warns him that the audience will eat him alive the second he fucks up.

Which turns out to be true, Toki fucks up and people begin turning against him which leads to him having a severe panic attack. Like I mentioned before Skwisgaar thinks he's dying and tries to save him, scared out of his fucking mind at the concept of Toki dying. Which....the dude just spent several weeks treating you like garbage and calling you a monster who abuses him, if Skwisgaar was actually a shitty person then he would have laughed at him or mocked him or given him shit about this moment for years to come....but he doesn't do any of that. He is worried about saving him, probably terrified that if Toki dies then their last conversation was a fight.

Their dynamic changes a lot after this, not in a way that's overly obvious unless you watch it closely. They spend a lot less time together and what feels almost out of character initially in Dethcamp is....Skwisgaar easily going along with Murderface and bitching about Toki, because....again can't stress the Scandinavian dudes are always attached at the hip and now suddenly he's easily saying mean shit about Toki. It feels weird until you remember that not long before this they had a massive fight, Toki called him abusive and momentarily ruined his career and most likely afterwards tried to act like nothing happened at all while Skwisgaar probably wasn't capable of doing that.

Occasionally in season four Skwisgaar and Toki will sit together or stand together, still talk or have that physical closeness but it's far between and you see Toki spend a majority of his time with the toxic trio: Murderface, Rockso, and Magnus. Skwisgaar spends his time typically with Murderface and Pickles then near the end spends most of his time with Nathan.

Skwisgaar is a person who grew up in a home lacking affection and love or safety, he didn't grow up with examples of love or healthy relationships and as far as he's concerned relationships are a waste of time and energy because they all end the same.

Of course for as much as he says that, as they all say that....it's bull shit. He cares deeply about his bands and him trying to act near the end like Dethklok was just another gig it isn't, these people are his close friends and his only real family. Seeing Pickles and Nathan fall apart wrecked him and having Toki turn on him so easily gutted him. Skwisgaar is a super emotionally fragile person, he seems absolutely terrified of showing anger or aggression as if it's something he's never been comfortable with or learned when he was young gets you nowhere or perhaps there were men around who were violent and loud and it made him scared to ever be that way. He's the only one of the band we never see really lose his shit or be randomly aggressive and violent, he also strangely enough cries the most out of them canonically. People always make the assumption Toki cries a lot, but like canonically he cries waaayyyy fucking less than Skwisgaar.

I really find Skwisgaar interesting....clearly and this analysis might be a jumbled mess, but there's strangely a lot of things to unpack and things I probably didn't even touch on as much as I could have, because this is already insanely long. I have a deep appreciation of him rewatching this show now that I'm older and far more into analyzing works of fiction.

I hope that this was remotely coherent.

[literate-lamb]

can I kiss you on the dancefloor?

Steve Rogers/Reader

One year into a relationship, yet still dancing in secrecy. Steve thinks he’s protecting you.

When a civilian and a hero fall in love, anything could go wrong. But not in the way Steve would have thought.

Or how the media play with the lives of superheroes.

►word count: 7.6k

► warnings(!): slight angst, alcohol

A/N: My gift to @blue-like-barnes for the Hoelentines Fic Exchange! I’m sorry it took some time, giftee. I didn’t expect this to turn into a monster (yikes). Thank you for hosting @amythedvdhoarder @chrissquares @drabblewithfrannybarnes ! Dividers from @firefly-graphics​ and GIF from Giphy

On his day-offs, Steve Rogers was a man full of disguises. 

When they first started, it was the baseball cap and thick-rimmed glasses. He liked it, it was simple, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before someone would notice. How could one not when his face was the one plastered in old war propaganda, in the museums commemorating his achievements, and even flashes on the telly when you walk past the local electronics store. 

Hence, it wasn’t a surprise when the tabloids posted a photo of him in his disguise, waiting at a crosswalk on a cold night. 

‘Captain America spotted on a midnight stroll’ came the next morning. It was taken after he was done walking you home, thankful they didn’t catch a glimpse of you.

“So capsicle, where were you off to last night?” Tony greeted him at breakfast, offending paper in hand. He unrolled it, opening and making a show of reading, displaying the front page for all seated to see. “Nice reading glasses, wasn’t aware you needed them.”

Striding into the room, Natasha came and snatched the tabloid. She gave it a critical eye, judging, before turning towards him. 

“Hmm, recycling disguises, Rogers? I’m disappointed.” 

Steve just groaned in reply.

The second time it happened, he had gone to the Black Widow herself for advice. He had expected sound advice coming from a former KGB spy who spent her paycheck on hair, but all he got was a stick-on mustache. Something about ‘needing to blend in rather than pointing the obvious’.

“I don’t know what you’re up to, Steve, but at least it’s better than that nerd get-up,” she smirked.

You had liked it. Giggling every time he kissed you, the fibres tickling your lips. He had ‘a caterpillar’ on his upper lip as you called it. And Steve had learned to get used to the itch.

But it wasn’t long before his new look was the star in barbershops. 

‘Captain America’s new look takes the world by storm.’ They had caught him again in another paparazzi shot. Tony had teased him for days after.

He couldn’t shake it off easily, constantly reminded of it when he walked the streets. Seeing them on screens when he’s channel-surfing. Even when he’s training new recruits, his vision filled with a sea of unshaved cadets, their hairy upper lips a prominent fixture.

He knew he had to do something when Bucky and Sam came in one day sporting twin mustaches. 

He discarded the strip of fibre in the bin. Reminding to pay Natasha a visit.

The third time he decided, he seeked out the help of Scott Lang, who was a master in keeping out of sight during his burglary days. Scott had given him a black beanie and told him to grow out his facial hair. 

The beanie hid his golden locks and the beard made him look rugged. You loved it, your thighs quivered when it was him and you in the four walls of your room. Uncontrollable groans as he went down. ‘Beard burn’ you had called it. Whatever it was, he loved the sounds you let out.

Four months. That’s how long the disguise lasted. His longest disguise to date. 

Before he became a trend.

‘Captain America is the new style icon.’ The internet sleuths found out where he got it too. ‘The sale of Walmart beanies skyrocketed by 70% thanks to Captain America.’

Tony had bought everyone in the compound a black beanie for Christmas, including the receptionist.

“Our grandpa’s a trendsetter, who knew,” he announced. Steve had smacked the back of Tony’s head with the beanie before retiring the disguise.

Now, sitting in The Sleeping Cat, Steve had opted for aviators and a Nasa baseball cap. He still kept his beard after your pleads, and he liked the look, he admits. It was back to basics for him and this was one of the only places where he was safe from prying eyes. Afterall, it was in this very café where he had met you.

The Sleeping Cat was a quaint little thing, a hole in the wall in a quiet part of the city. Not many knew of its existence, the entrance obscure, a blink and you’ll miss it. Which made it all the more perfect for him. The baristas knew him and minded their own business, offering him a smile every time he visited. ‘You’re safe with us’ they seem to say. 

He could say the same about the patrons. Most that frequented were regulars like him, they seemed the same, looking for a place to get away from the overbearing world. They seemed to share an understanding, paying him no mind as if he was just another man they passed on the streets. And that’s how he preferred it. 

Just a boy from Brooklyn.

Ding!

The chime of the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Facing the door, he saw you, smiling as you came through.

This was the best part of his days. 

You had met Steve Rogers at the most unexpected of times.

Terminated from your previous job at a small gallery, dumped by an ex-boyfriend after a 2 year relationship, you were at an utmost low. To escape your roommates —in case of pitying or prying, but if you were honest with yourself, it was to escape your own humiliation— you left the apartment on weekdays under the guise of going to work. In reality, you were at The Sleeping Cat applying for jobs on your laptop.

It was during one of the afternoon hours when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

Turning to your left, you were greeted by a pair of startling blues. They were bright but worn as if they’ve seen too many. Looking at the bigger picture, you took him in. Hair hidden under a cap, a sharp jaw and an equally sharp nose, and if you looked closely, you thought you could spot a few moles on his cheeks. He looked familiar, but you couldn’t put a finger to it.

Eyes fleeting to his lips, you realized he was actually talking.

“Huh?” 

“I was wondering if this seat’s taken?” He smiled, gesturing towards the empty seat opposite. He was clearly amused.

“Yeah, sure, sure,” you nodded, making room for his things. 

The following days, it became a routine and an arrangement. You would be at the café as early as the owner would allow, laptop in hand. While he would come in the afternoons in a different jacket each day, a sketchbook in hand. You would be propped up, sending application after application, praying for luck. While he would quietly sit, churning sketch after sketch, in a relaxed demeanour. 

Sometimes you would peek over your screen and watch him draw for a few minutes, lost in his strokes. When you look up, you’ll find his eyes locked with yours, and you’ll immediately reimmerse yourself behind the screen, embarrassed.

It was a comfortable routine. You came to expect him everyday. And on the days that he didn’t make it, you felt a bit forlorn looking at the empty seat. You both didn’t talk much, yet you were getting comfortable in his presence.

Until one day, he broke the silence.

“So, what is it that you do?”

You stared, dumbfounded. Looking around there wasn’t anyone nearby. 

“Were you talking to me?” you asked.

“Yes,” he chuckled. “It’s just that you’re always on your computer…” he trailed off.

“I’m an assistant curator at an art gallery— or, er, used to be,” you explained. “Long story short, I lost my job and now I’m looking for a new one, that’s why I’m here.”

He seemed to ruminate before replying, “So you know a thing or two about art?”

You both started a new routine; one with a lot of communicating. He would ask you about your mundane weekends and interests and in turn, you would ask about his. Except, he was anything but mundane. 

On the days he was absent, you learned Steve was away on a lot of ‘business trips’. When he returned, he had never failed to present you with a souvenir. From matryoshkas to sarongs, it was always a surprise accompanied by a tale.

“The pattern on the sarong is called a batik, and it’s amazing how they’re drawn using wax like a liquid crayon. It’s an interesting art form.”

Outside of your little routine, he was an enigma. You barely knew about the Steve outside of The Sleeping Cat. Sometimes he threw the names ‘Bucky’ and ‘Sam’ a lot —out of exhaustion— without giving away anything, remaining tight-lipped. While his mysteriousness should’ve been a cause of concern, you couldn’t help but gravitate towards him, wanting to peel more of his layers, like the shell of a matryoshka. 

The routine went on for a few more weeks, with calls of interviews and business trips in between. Before you received a phone call.

“I got a job! At the Whitney!” you squealed, shaking his shoulders over the table, oblivious to the other patrons. Steve endured it, smiling. 

“Congratulations,” he said when you’ve calmed down. “I guess this is the last time I’ll be seeing you?”

You froze, high coming down, realization settling in. After a few weeks of secret meetings, of getting to know him, of having lunch together, of sharing laughs, you’ve come to see Steve as a good friend. And maybe, there was the birth of something more.

“Let’s exchange numbers,” you said, opening your phone. “This way, maybe we can hang out again. Have lunch sometimes?”

“I’d like that.” He smiled. 

And the rest was history.

Making your way towards The Sleeping Cat, you amused yourself with past memories. Memories from almost over a year ago. 

Steve had come to give a speech at the opening ceremony of an exhibition at the Whitney. Your first exhibition as a curator. An exhibition on art from the war times. When they had announced his title, a loud ‘oh’ was the only thing you could muster. 

The ‘ding’ of the bell resounded, announcing your arrival. Heading in, you saw a head perked up, beaming, baseball cap securing his golden locks and aviators hiding his mesmerizing blues.

This was the best part of your days.

But maybe, you were getting a little tired.

If someone were to ask you months ago if you were happy and content with your relationship, you would’ve replied with a swift yes in a heartbeat. No hesitation, no reservations, no doubt. Now, sitting in the same cafe, the same one you frequent on dates, the same one you both met in, you weren’t sure of the answer anymore.

As Steve gets up to order for you both, your eyes wander to his sketchpad. It was filled with sketches of random objects; the flower on the table, the pastries on display, sometimes the patrons of the cafe, and occasionally, you. 

“You’re my favourite subject, so far.”

It was not for the lack of love or the lack of affection. Steve was the most loving; loyal in so many ways, gentle when asked, and protective to a fault. Maybe the protectiveness was the cause of it all.

Staring at Steve’s back, your mind shifted to a memory from the past week, when your roommate pulled you aside from a get-together at the ice rink.

“Hey,” she called your name, taking a hold of your elbow. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure, what’s up?” you followed her, leading you to the sides.

Her eyes conveyed her worry. It amplified with the chewing of her bottom lip, a nervous tick.

“Are you and Steve… okay?” she asked, her brows perked. “I’m not sure if you notice, but today, it’s full of couples.” 

You looked towards your group of friends. There was your roommate’s girlfriend tying her skates, your other roommate and her boyfriend talking to another couple —their friends— and they were all holding their significant other’s hand. Oh.

“I don’t want to throw you out of the loop, but there would probably be a lot of double skating involved today,” she said, widening her eyes, looking comical. “Do you want me to talk to Steve? Maybe I could convince him to come, y’know?” 

Out of your two roommates, she was the only one who knew of your paramour. Having walked in on you and Steve making out on the couch. She was sworn into secrecy, with the promise of autographs from all the Avengers. 

“Look, it’s okay,” you assured her. “I can handle skating alone, and you know why he can’t really come here with us,” you shrugged.

“Okay, but aren’t you tired? Of all this sneaking around? Don’t you want to shout to the whole world ‘I’m fucking Captain America!’” she flailed.

You shushed her, muffling her mouth with your gloved hand.

Part of the secret was how Steven Rogers was an engineered superhero. A superhero with many enemies, leading him to fear for his loved ones, and that included you.

You went into the relationship whole-heartedly knowing the challenges; discreet rendezvous, kisses in the dark, minimal contact in public. You were his secret and he was yours. It was for your own good, wasn’t it?

“What’s got your little head wrapped up?” Steve’s voice startled you, bringing you back to the café. On the table, two cups of coffee and a slice of cake was served.

“Hmm? Oh, just thinking about this party the museum’s throwing this weekend,” you took your cup, blowing, contemplating your next words.“Say, how about you and I, I don’t know, go as dates?”

Steve crunched his brows. “You know that’s a hard thing for me to do, especially with your colleagues around.”

“I know! But maybe… maybe, you can go in one of your disguises this time? Remember that one time we went to Central Park?”

Steve exhaled, he remembered that afternoon. It was the one-off that you both ventured on a date in the outdoors. 

Decked in his beanie, casually strolling through Central Park with you beside him. Although he was still wary, keeping his hands in his pockets, fighting the urge to hold your hand. 

No one had recognized him; not the ice-cream man, not the kids running around, not the mothers pushing strollers. No one. 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

You leaned forward, pecking him on the lips multiple times. “Thank you!”

“You sure this looks convincing?”

“Trust me, punk. Grade A assassin here, thank you very much,” Bucky boasted while fixing the wig on his scalp, untangling the unruly strands.

Steve had sought Bucky for help, with the belief that assassins were good at hiding in plain sight (and maybe, he just didn’t want to go to Natasha twice). Bucky was also his most trusted confidant and he knew about you, Steve trusted him not to tell. But now looking at himself in the opposite mirror, he wasn’t so sure of that anymore. 

Long dangly tresses hung on the sides of his face parting in the middle, a trimmed beard leaving a bit of goatee, and to finish it off, Bucky dressed him in a checkered shirt consisting of random coloured squares. He looked like he just stepped out of the 60’s.

“Oh, wear these,” Bucky handed him a pair of large wire-framed glasses. “Done.”

Steve took a look in the mirror. A seedy pimp was the first thought that crossed his mind.

“Thanks Buck, I owe you one.”

“Sure Stevie, just bring me around next time on one of your dates, I’d like to meet her,” Bucky winked. “Or make it double.” He wagged his brows. “Like old times.”

Steve snorted.

“Okay, I got—“ Steve’s words halted when an alarm blared overhead. It demanded their attention.

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, your presence is required in Prep Room six,” called the disembodied voice. “There’s been a breach of extraterrestrial energy in the airspace of Sweden.”

Steve exited and rushed through the hallways, Bucky following close behind. He made it through the living quarters, trudging to the training wing before entering one of the many prep rooms. 

“Nice costume, Cap. Halloween already?” Sam quipped. Almost everyone was present, they were equally amused.

Before anyone else could follow, Tony strided in immediately, grumbling. “Okay team, there’s been an E.T synthezoid putting holes in the ozone layer. I’ll fill you all in the quinjet. Suit up and meet me at the hangover in 10.”

Everybody gathered their equipment and hurried to leave, passing by him. Before Tony could, he took notice of Steve and did a double take. And then a third. 

“What’s with the pimp daddy get-up, Capsicle?” 

Steve huffed, ignoring the jab. “I have something that I need to attend. How important am I in this, Tony?”

“We need all hands on deck. We don’t really know what we’re up against, Fury’s still running recon,” Tony explained, squaring his shoulders. “Whatever it is you have, Cap. It can wait. Lives are at stake here.” With that, he left, not standing by for a response.

“Darn it,” Steve cursed, removing the glasses and the wig.

He left the prep room with his shield in hand. With one hand, he shot a text to you. He’ll make it up next time.

Loverboy [6:30 PM]: Emergency mission

Loverboy [6:30 PM]: Can’t make it, sorry

You switched the screen off, sighing. Around you, the party was in full swing. Invitees mingling with refreshments in hand, discussing the pieces on display tonight, and bidding on the pieces they find exquisite. Hors d’oeuvres and champagne were being served, brought around by servers on silver platters. You’ve been munching on them non-stop, grabbing one every time a server comes your way, needing something to occupy you.

Surrounding you, you’d see the occasional couple walking around, enjoying their time. The palms of their hands locked in each other’s as they navigate together, rarely straying afar. 

You clenched your hand, reminded of how empty it felt. 

It was inevitable, you were warned of this, you were told to expect this. Dating a superhero meant that he was never solely yours. You were sharing your boyfriend with someone, except that someone was the world. 

“Hiiii!” a shrill voice broke your thought, calling you by name. A blonde woman, followed by a brunette emerged from the gathering of art-goers, headed towards you. “It’s been a long while!”

“Hey! Yeah, it’s been awhile,” you waved, recognizing the two. 

When they reached you, you were aware of the slight tension in the air, leaving the three of you standing awkwardly. After all, these two were your ex-colleagues and you didn’t exactly leave the previous gallery on good terms. Tonight was a night with masks, it seemed.

“So, how are you two doing?” you decided to get it over with.

“We’re fine, everyone’s fine! But how are you? We heard you worked here now, pretty impressive,” the brunette —Claire— winked at you. You laughed.

“Yeah, it’s so nice seeing you again, and at the Whitney? The pay must be good, you know what I’m saying?” Hilda chimed, knocking her elbows with yours. You didn’t appreciate it but you endured.

 “Say, what are you doing over here far away? Why not you join us over there,” Hilda pointed, towards a mounted canvas at the end of the hall. It was occupied by two men in a discussion among themselves. “Chat a bit to catch up, a bit of art philosophical debate in between. What do you say?”

You contemplated her offer, not wanting to seem pretentious, but thought about the false flattery and ego-stroking that would sure ensue in their company. The thought of it drained you.

“It’s okay,” you waved them off nervously. “I have to call my boyfriend sooner, gotta check up on him and let him know I’m... alright.” You held up your phone, playing on convincing.

“Oh? He isn’t here tonight?” Claire seemed to feign worry. 

“No, he got caught up with something. He’s a busy man,” you cooked up an excuse. No one could know. 

“Okay… In that case, we’ll leave you to it. Maybe we’ll bump into each other sooner.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you guys soon.”

They waved before backing away into the mass of patrons. You let out a breath you didn’t know you held in. 

While the interaction was unexpected, this was what you had to deal with when it came to the question of your relationship. The excuses, they became second nature to you. The lies. The deceit. Anything to protect Steve’s identity, and inadvertently, you.

Throughout the night, you mingled with any clients interested in a work of art, all the while stepping out of Hilda and Claire’s line of sight. You didn’t wish a repeat of the earlier evening.

When the crowd started dwindling, signalling the end of the night, you were relieved of your duties. You headed straight for the restrooms after, one getaway before leaving. You huddled yourself in a cubicle, locking it shut.

Seconds in, you heard the creak of the restroom door followed by the clicks of heels.

“Can you believe it? Someone like that got the chance of working here.” 

You recognized the nasally tone. It was Claire. 

“Yeah? Not like she deserves it. I mean look at her? Demure, slow. It’s like talking to a mouse. I bet she’s a prude too.” That was Hilda.

The gushing of the faucet muffled their voices, but their sharp words were clear as day, your ear catching every snark and hiss.

“And when she was talking about her boyfriend? He probably doesn’t even exist, it was just to get off our backs,” Hilda paused. “Last time I heard, her boyfriend dumped her. So, I guess she’s creating imaginary ones now.” 

They both cackled.

By now, you knew they were talking about you. Their words didn’t hurt as much, you knew the colour of their hearts beneath the masks. But was that how people viewed your hidden relationship? A facade? A farce?

Once the door clicked shut, and the tapping of their heels faded, you left the restroom, heart feeling heavier.

(y/n) [6:45 PM]: stay safe stevie ! remember to hydrate

(y/n) [6:46 PM]: punch those meanies

(y/n) [6:46 PM]: (`⌒*)⍟-(`⌒´Q)

Steve chuckled when he turned on his phone, amused at your texts. You always sent him good luck messages every time he went off for missions. Although he didn’t seem to get the emoticons that you sent, even after being taught by Peter Parker. He just didn’t get them.

Steve dialed your number, sitting on the edge of the bed as he dried his washed hair. Beeps ringed before you picked up, your smooth lilt permeating the speakers. 

“Hello? Stevie?”

Steve smiled, missing the caress of your voice after a day filled with explosions and cries.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he greeted. “How’s my girl been?”

“Great, now that you called,” you teased. “But are ‘you’ fine?” you emphasized.

On the other end of the line, you mirrored his position, sitting on one corner of the bed. Picking the newspaper in your lap, you observed the front page: ‘Avengers saves the Arctic!’ 

“Same old, same old,” his voice carries. “Listen, about yesterday—“

“It’s okay,” you interrupted him, other hand gripping the newspaper. “You have to protect the Earth and that also means me. You don’t have to apologize, I knew what I signed up for.” 

Did you? Or was it now a hollow statement to convince yourself?

“I still want to make up for it, my girl deserves that much,” he responded.

You slowly unclenched the paper. It left Steve’s form crinkled.

“If you want to sooo bad,” you exaggerated. “There’s a Valentines charity ball for our arts program in three weeks time. You think you could make it this time?”

“You know no promises, but I plan to, even if I have to do everyone’s laundry for a week.” You heard rustling on the other line. “What’s the exact date? I’ll put it on my calendar.” 

“The 16th.” Scratchy scribbling filled your ear, the sound loud in the silence. 

“Done. Can’t wait to see you all dolled up, sweetheart.”

“Me too, baby,” you said. “At least put on a nice moustache this time.”

He laughed. Your heart felt lighter. To him, it was probably nothing, but to you, it was a form of reassurance. A reassurance that what you had was real.

“Steve, you got a moment?”

The aforementioned man turned around, taking a glance over his shoulder. Sharon Carter slowed to a stop, a small smile on her face. As always, she carried an air of superiority, matching that of Steve’s wavelength. Yet today, it seemed dim.

“I think we need to talk, you have time for coffee?”

Glancing at his watch, he nodded. “Sure, Sharon. Lead the way.”

She took them outside of S.H.I.E.L.D and into the chilly air of DC, navigating through streets and crowds while huddling in their coats. They chatted, breaths puffing as they caught up, the familiar scenes passing by.

He hadn’t been in DC in awhile, it felt good to be back. 

“We’re here.”

Sharon headed in first, holding the door for him. He thanked her. They ordered and got seated. A smile was shared, strained as it seemed. 

“Better just rip the band-aid off,” Sharon sighed. “I miss us.” 

“Sharon—“

“Please, hear me out first,” she insisted, showing her palm. “We probably shouldn’t have done what we’ve done after Aunt Peggy’s funeral. I just lost someone I looked up to the most, and you lost the woman that you loved. We were both grieving. It wasn’t fair to the both of us.”

“While I do miss us, I know that it wasn’t meant to be,” she continued, shooting a sombre smile. “I understand that now. I guess, what I wanted was closure.”

Her hand quivered on the table between them. Steve clasped his over hers, offering to soothe.

“I don’t regret what happened in Germany. While yes, it should have not happened, it was what we thought we needed at that time. We both lost someone we held dear,” Steve explained, hoping his words reached her. “None of it was a mistake, Sharon. You’re still someone I trust and hold dear, remember that.”

Steve clutched her hand tighter, running his thumb over her knuckles in circular motions, attempting to calm and show understanding.

In his efforts, unknown to the two, the shutter of a camera went off across the street.

Something felt off. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. At first, you thought it was your own anxious mind running. 

You woke up late on a work day, burned your eggs and toast, accidentally wore unmatching socks, and your roommate was acting weird. All jittery when you entered the hall, stammering her words, and performing this bizarre dance when you walked past the living room. You gave her no mind when you passed the threshold and slammed the door, phone gripped in hand.

Loverboy [6:00 AM]: Good morning, dear 

Loverboy [6:01 AM]: [image]

A photo of Steve, sweaty after a run showed on the screen. He was smiling, shirt stained and clinging to his chest. You had taught him how to take selfies.

You [7:20 AM]: morning, handsome

You [7:20 AM]: 😍😍😍 

The morning texts were the best part of your morning commute. It made the arduous and packed journey worthwhile. Even when you almost tripped at the doors, it couldn’t take away your joy.

You made it just in time and clocked in, meeting clients and discussions with artists throughout the day. It was uneventful, although the bad luck seemed to have followed when you spilled your coffee on the concrete.

It was when you left the museum that your day took a turn for the worst.

On the ride home, the man opposite you was reading a newspaper. Nothing unusual, but at a glance, you thought you saw a familiar face printed on the corner. Before you could take a closer look, the man folded it in half and got off.

A few minutes later, you arrived at your stop, exiting the station with the fast-paced crowd. That’s when you were bombarded.

Lining the streets, your vision was filled with the scattering of a crowd of papers. Every face you saw was plastered in them.

‘The Good Captain In Love?’

‘A Superhero & A Civilian Romance?’ 

‘Captain America’s Girl? Mysterious Woman Sighted’

The sight of them left you in a panic, your anxiety spiking through the roof. Your world started spinning, everything —buildings, trees, faces— blending altogether. Everywhere your eyes deflected, a headline invaded your sight, imprinting itself on your retinas. Had they found out?

Composing yourself, you headed towards the nearest news stall, mind boggled with too many questions and not enough answers. How? Why? When?

Only, it wasn’t your face they were publishing.

‘“Oh Captain, My Captain” America in love? Spotted last week in DC was Captain Steven Rogers with a mysterious lady. They seemed to be cozy with each other, an eyewitness told Us Weekly. Story on Page 11.’

The photograph showcased Steve with a blonde woman, sitting in a café with their hands clasped on the table. Your heart shattered at the sight, remembering how empty yours have felt lately. 

Was he purposely out with this woman in public? What did that mean for you? Why were you shadowed?

“Are you and Steve… okay?”

“She’s creating imaginary ones now.”

“Aren’t you tired? Of all this sneaking around?”

“You know that’s a hard thing for me to do.”

“Hey lady, you gonna pay for that?”

You were shaken out of your stupor. Looking down, you were clutching the magazine too hard, ripping the image of Steve and the woman in half, right in the middle where their hands met.

You apologized to the man and paid for the magazine. Immediately discarding it in the next trash bin you saw.

“So… you and Sharon?” Sam had asked him after training.

“What?” 

“You, and, Sharon,” Sam emphasized, pronouncing each syllable. “Are together. Man, when were you gonna tell me? I thought it was over.”

Steve froze before replying, “Because it is. A long time ago.”

“Well, this seems to say otherwise.” 

Sam showed him his phone, the screen displaying an article; ‘Captain America’s Girl Revealed. A Family Affair That Transcends Time.’ On top of the article was a photo of him and Sharon at the cafe in DC, his hand atop of hers on the table. A zoomed in version of their hands were provided, fueling the tabloid’s narrative.

Steve paled at the sight. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was his fears manifested; his anonymity taken, his privacy invaded, but his worst fear was putting his loved ones in danger. And if it was due to their association with him, it would leave him racked with guilt. 

While the tabloids were wrong, he knew that Sharon could defend for herself. You on the other hand… 

His heart rate rose, a new wave of anxiety spiked. Steve wondered if you’ve seen this. No, you must’ve seen this. 

Fishing for his phone, with clammy hands, Steve quickly dialed your number, anxiously waiting for the beeping to end. 

‘The number you’ve dialed is not—‘

“Damn it!”

His outburst surprised Sam, shocking him. Sam gave him a look, inquisitive. 

“Sorry Sam, I have to run.” 

He left, heart in his throat.

When Steve arrived at your apartment, he was almost out of breath. He was still anxious, the ride here not doing much to his addled mind. But he was determined.

Rapidly knocking on your front door, Steve composed himself. When it opened, he was met with the sight of your roommate -- the one that he has never met before.

“Ca-Captain America?” she yelped, shocked to see him on the doorstep.

“Is your roommate in?” he steeled.

“Which one—” 

“Steve,” a voice interrupted.

The door pulled further, widening the entrance. Steve was met with your familiar roommate. She was tense, arms locked across her chest, eyes full of fury. Steve detected something else in them; worry.

“You fucked up,” she said. He winced.

“I know,” he admitted. “And I’m here to make things right. Can I please see her?”

She sighed, stepping in, nodding towards your room. 

Steve hastily walked in, stopping in front of your door. He knocked thrice, signalling you, before turning the knob. It was unlocked. The room was dark when he entered, every source of light switched off, except for your curtains. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed was you, figure illuminated by the street lights against pitch black darkness. When he stepped in closer, you looked up, eyes meeting his. 

Steve turned on the lights and closed the door. He took a good look at you; hair frazzled, eyes bloodshot and dry, nose red. You were the image of heartbreak.

“Are you ashamed of me?” you asked, eyes locked with his. 

“What? No, I—“

“Is it because I’m not strong?” you cut him off. “I know she’s Peggy’s niece… a-and I know how much you loved her. She was your first love.”

“She and I, it’s all in the past. She moved on and lived her life, and I… did too.”

“But did you really, Steve? Move on?” you whispered, getting up. You stood in front of him. Steve could see how puffed your eyes were from crying. “Or was I just… a rebound?”

“No. No, you were never a rebound,” he took hold of your forearms. “I care for you, too much.”

“Then why?!” you shrieked, shocking Steve. “Why the secrets? Why the hiding? Steve, you’ve never even introduced me to your friends. Shouldn’t they know?”

“I wanted to protect you!”

“Protect me from what?!” you roared, eyes full of fury. “The Avengers? If they knew about me, they would protect me. Don’t you think so?”

Steve had no words to that, his mind a jumbled mess.

“I’m… beginning to think that you’re embarrassed with me,” you sighed. “We’ve never been on a date publicly, as each other. We’ve never held hands in public. I want you to meet my friends. I want to introduce you to them, and maybe soon, I want you to meet my family.”

“B-but, I’m tired, Steve. Tired of all the hiding. Of all the sneaking around. I want to tell the world that I’m in love with Steve Rogers, not Captain America,” you sighed, shedding a few tears.

You waited for his reply, only to be disappointed. 

“You know I can’t do that.”

You saw red. All you saw was red. 

You started pushing him, swatting him in the chest. Steve didn’t fight back, letting you unleash your anger, your disappointment. He took your hits, letting you release your pent up emotions. He began backing away when you started advancing, back against the door.

“Get out! Get out!” you screeched, pushing him.

When he unlocked the door and crossed, you immediately shut the door in his face. Steve heard sobbing from inside, his heart shattering at the sounds. 

“This way, Captain,” your roommate approached him, showing him to the door.

Steve relented, shame flooding him. He fucked up.

You stopped visiting The Sleeping Cat, wanting to avoid him at all costs. You blocked his number. You immersed yourself in your work, prepping for the upcoming charity gala. 

Sometimes you find yourself thinking about him when sleep proved to be difficult. It’s when you’re laying at night that you missed him the most.

But it was for the best, you reasoned. For you and him.

The Avengers PR had pushed for a fix-it, publishing a story that spoke a truth. ‘Just Friends: Romantic Allegations Proved False’. Steve had hoped you’d seen it. 

He called you every day but found himself blocked from everything. He still tried, hoping you’d come around one day. He came by The Sleeping Cat every other day, sitting in the same spot, hoping to catch you. 

But you never came.

You clasped the necklace in place, admiring how it sat on your clavicle through the mirror. You took a step back and took yourself in, smiling at what you saw. It didn’t reach your eyes.

Today was the day of the Valentines gala and you weren’t feeling particularly giddy about it. 

Opening your phone, you stared at the one contact that stood out, finger hovering over his name. That name used to give you so many feelings, but today it was a reminder that you were going alone, again.

Sighing, you threw it in your purse and left. Another lonely night, and on an even celebrating love.

Days turned into weeks, and soon, before he knew it, the day of your Valentines gala arrived. 

Steve stared at the calendar. The heart-shaped doodle he drew called out to him, reminding him of fond memories. Fond memories that seemed like a distant dream. But then, he went back to last week, and it all came crashing.

He had hurt you. While thinking he was protecting you, he hadn’t realized he was inadvertently pushing you away. He had no one to blame but himself. 

He loved you. No, still loves you. You grounded him, gave him the normalcy that he craved. Reminded him of a distant time before he was Captain America. 

You made him feel like the boy from Brooklyn again.

While he was ruminating in his feelings, Steve was caught off-guard when the door burst open with Tony Stark coming through. From his peripheral, he could see Bucky and Sam peeking through the frame.

“Heard from the Manchurian Candidate that someone has a case of the achy breaky heart,” Tony said, smug.

“Leave me alone, Tony. I’m not in the mood,” he grumbled, setting down the calendar. 

“And leave you wallowing like shit while your girl is out there probably equally miserable? I know a thing or two about women, Rogers, and it’s that they don’t like to be kept waiting.”

Tony snapped his fingers and from behind, Sam came in with a tuxedo in hand.

“Thought you might need this,” Sam said. 

Bucky came out behind him, with a brush and can of hairspray. “And I still know how to do hair.”

“And I have friends in places,” Tony quipped. “I can get you in.”

Steve was surprised. His friends had surprised him. You would’ve loved them. He was left speechless.

“What are you waiting for, Cap? Suit up.” Tony winked.

Swirling the glass of rosé, your gaze fell towards the dance floor. An upbeat song was being played as people flocked near the middle, letting their bodies take charge for the night. You saw your former co-workers among the throng, hands thrown around their significant others, having the time of their lives.

The gala was in full swing, if the crowd and chatter was any indication. Red and roses were the main theme, with a red carpet stretching from the grand staircase towards the main hall and roses lining every corner and wall. Taking it all in, you were proud to see your ideas visualized and work came to fruition.

You sipped your rosé, enjoying every bit of the gala as you could. From the sidelines, you spoke with a few potential clients and art collectors. Their presence made you feel your importance, and if you dared say it, a little less lonely.

It was during one of your little chats that you didn’t realize when the hall suddenly fell quiet. You turned around when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Hi folks, mind if I crash your party?”

Steve smiled at Tony’s antics. They both had arrived at the gallery dressed in their best, and with Tony’s connections, they were granted access. 

Stepping down the grand staircase, Steve felt all eyes on him. He paid them no mind, the thought of you the only occupant of his racing mind. Gazing over the crowd, Steve spotted you to the side, occupied in a chatter. 

Taking deliberate steps, Steve soon found himself behind you. He admired your gown and hair, it entranced him. You still hadn’t registered his presence, even when your partner had ceased chatting and was now staring at him.

With a tap on your shoulder, he was taken away as immediately as you spun around. Steve took in your whole image; your dolled-up face, your intricate dress, your styled hair. It left him floored.

You always did manage to take his breath away. Was this what he had been missing out all this time?

Taking your unoccupied hand, Steve pressed a small kiss before meeting your eyes. 

“May I have this dance?”

Giving away your drink, you took his hand as he pulled your towards the centre, taking space among the crowd. A slow number started, and before you realized, you were swept in a slow dance. It didn’t take long before you felt the sensation of his two left feet.

“Sorry, a hundred years and you’d think I’d know how to dance,” he said.

A small smile lightened your face. Steve savoured it all he could. Gulping, he took the first step.

“I’m... sorry for what I’ve done. I realize now that you were right,” he started. “I thought I was protecting you, but now I see that all it did was push you away. You have all the rights to be mad at me. I was being an idiot, a selfish one. I didn’t think about how you felt about it.”

You winced. Steve had stepped on your toes again. He murmured an apology, resorting to swaying instead.

“Can we start again? No more hiding. No more disguises,” he breathed, keeping his eyes locked on yours. “ We can meet your friends, you can meet mine. Bucky’s been pestering me to bring you to the compound, he wants to meet you.”

You laughed. How Steve had missed the tune.

“How can I make it up to you? How do you want to take the first step? A picnic at Central Park? Dinner at the compound? A trip to the beach?”

You seemed to contemplate, a thoughtful look on your face. You both failed to realize all the eyes on you two.

“How about now?”

“Right here? Right now?” he asked.

“Yes, right here, right now,” you said, determined.

Without hesitation —no more— Steve dived in, planting a kiss on your wine-coloured lips for the whole world to see. Your first kiss in public, yet it felt as if it was only the two of you there, lost in the moment. 

You both didn’t notice the gasping crowd nor the clicks of cameras from photographers nor the booming laughter of Tony Stark. You both only felt the other in your orbit, and that was all that mattered.

“Can you put that down? You’ve been staring at it for the past hour.”

You pouted, setting the frame on the side table, where it has been designated since its publication. 

“I can’t help it, I think it’s a good shot. Don’t you think so, Alpine?” you petted the snowy white cat lazing on the arm of the sofa. Its’ purrs intensified.

“Dinner’s ready!” Bucky shouted.

You and Steve left the room, joining the others in the dining room for dinner. On the side table, the framed article sat neatly, showcasing the tale of the famed occurrence that took place at a charity gala.

‘America’s Girl: The Modern Woman of The Captain’s Dreams.’

Fin.