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heli0s-writes · 4 years ago

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III. Paralysis*

Summary: “I’m sorry,” you sob, locked around Bucky’s bicep, his forearm, fingers digging into the smooth obsidian plates, fisting the fabric of his sleeve. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” As if he were Natasha—as if you could stop both her death and his mangling, or at least hold her the way you are holding him now.

A/N: 9.8k words. OOF.

Warnings: Language, robots v. monsters violence, Big Time angst and comfort, smutty bits (dry-humping, thigh riding).

Trinity Epoch Masterpost

He leaves around sunset. Hair combed neatly to the side and freshly shaven, Steve’s dashing in a fitted suit and tie.

In the middle of passing around a basketball, Erik Killmonger, in all his subtlety, whistles, “Looking fresh, white boy!”

Steve smirks, smoothing the front of his jacket, “This monkey suit? I’d rather be in circuitry.”

He’s been laying low since Siegehook, since Bucky’s arm, and since you. But now the story’s changed and he’s gotta get his narrative straight— he’s introducing a new character, changing the players, and guiding the spotlight exactly where it needs to go.

Jimmy Fallon— Kimmel? One of the Jimmies personally flew into Hong Kong for a special taping of his late-night show. Orion racked up eleven kills; it’s another record and the people want what they want.

Fury called the three you of into his office after the network reached out for the umpteenth time. He strategized shrewdly to have Steve on this particular broadcast because it’s not as serious as a news report and not as wordy as an interview. Too many things can go wrong in both: cross-examinations, misquoting, scrutiny after the fact.

Steve works best in front of a live audience. He’ll sit down tonight—broad and tall—smile at the camera and the host, make a few charming quips, and then he’ll let the world know.

James has been hurt. The next breach will overlap his recovery time—don’t worry, everybody, fortunately, there’s a pilot available to step in and fill his place until he’s fully healed. And yes, he’ll be back soon, both in the Jaeger and on the show— I know you miss him, he’s even more popular than me, huh? Broody and quiet, right, ladies? He’s a hit!

Then he’ll laugh and field some questions about his new partner—but keep it vague for both yours and Bucky’s sake.

It didn’t need to be said. You didn’t want to be named, Steve didn’t want to make any assumptions for the future, and Bucky didn’t want to know if anyone thought he couldn’t pilot anymore.

Erik passes and you catch, sidestepping Thor and shooting over his figure which is no easy feat considering his massive height and the way Steve is staring you down. You don’t have to be hooked up to his brain to know what he’s wondering.

Since the trial run, you’ve been feeling the after-effects of the drift in oscillating waves. Sometimes you catch yourself standing ramrod straight, physically feeling heavier, knowing it’s him.

You okay? We talked about this. Yes, you are. No, you aren’t. It’s complicated. He’s fixes his tie the same time you spot a wrinkle. After-effects.

Erik jumps for a rebound when you miss the next basket, getting it knocked away by Thor’s enormous hand. Steve’s already gone when you look back, but Erik is passing again, and your next shot sinks through the net.

“That’s fuckin’ right!” He knocks his elbow into yours proudly, pushing sleeves over elbows until you can see the patterns of scarification up his arms. Feet back and forth on the scuffed concrete with distracted rhythm, you dribble, thoughts still on Steve.

“Hey,” a voice calls over the sound of the slamming ball. Barnes toes the edge of the makeshift court. A jacket is tucked under his arm, baseball cap atop his dark head. “Come on, it’s Friday night and you’re thinking too much. I wanna show you a place.”

He leads with confidence, directing the taxi in practiced Cantonese picked up over the last two years. Then, once disembarked, he peeks back every few minutes on the street to check if you’re still following. Your gait is awkward—steps firm, but lopsided. All off kilter and wound up like a spring.

It’s okay. In Bucky’s experience, food always helps. He’s taking you to his favorite restaurant—hole-in-the-wall Sichuan. He hollers over his shoulder, "You better be prepared for spice!”

Red lacquered doors open with a tinkering sound, a tiny overhead bell signaling new arrivals. A hostess steers through a path of similarly varnished tables and decorated chairs when Bucky asks for a quiet corner. Fish tanks of koi gleam green and blue. Chandelier scatters gold and white diamond shapes on a ceiling painted like a cloudy sky.

Hot tea first, and he sips carefully, gaze moving up to the T.V. behind your back when you’re busy flipping through the menu. A few more minutes pass of your furrowed brow sinking deeper and Bucky’s hand slides quickly across the tablecloth, nudging the booklet from your clutch.

“I got this.” And relief washes over your entire body like rain.

The appearance of entrees breaks your trance. Mai Gai, Char Siu Bao, Dan Dan noodles, and eggplant in garlic sauce—you’re trying to tell him it’s too much, wondering when he even ordered, but he ignores you. Not his fault you spaced out, he says, catch, and a napkin flies directly into your chest.

It makes you laugh, and Bucky secretly wants to tell you that it wouldn’t kill you to do it more often. Why the hell not, anyway? He’s tired of being upset about something that was largely inevitable. He knew the risk of death when they signed up to be Rangers so on the bright side, at least it’s his arm and not his head. At least it’s his arm and not his co-pilot’s. You’ve proven to be more than capable and proven to be someone he can trust with Steve’s life.

If Bucky had any doubts about whether or not that damned Rogers determination would see them through—they’ve been dispelled now.

The drift was sound. When Steve stepped out from the loading dock, he was lighter like half his weight had been sloughed off. When you followed, helmet pulled from your face, Bucky could see where it landed. Your hips, your shoulders, your jaw, all defiant—even if temporarily—coming down from the high of the handshake. Squared and strong, you looked at Bucky and certainty gleamed from your eyes.

You are Orion’s new pilot. He’s gotta give it up. It could be worse.

Bucky’s fingers shift as he unsnaps chopsticks and grabs spoons, the plates on his left clicking quietly, flexing his pointer when it sticks. Sometimes the prosthetic is a little glitchy because nothing’s perfect, but Stark and Shuri are constantly making updates. They use technology from the spinal clamp to connect his synapses, running tests on its reaction time, sensitivity, and functionality. He can feel pressure, but not pain, and wouldn’t it be nice if it applied elsewhere, too?

He passes your utensils over, wrapped loosely in a napkin. It could be worse.

“Hey Barnes,” you call earnestly, running your fingers over an embossed floral pattern on the paper, “Thanks.”

He’s not looking at you yet, firmly on a mission for soy sauce and chili oil. He makes a well of it in a ceramic dish and stirs with a chopstick, moving it to the center of the table, finding distraction in small tasks.

“...Barnes?”

“It’s Bucky,” he says finally, flicking his eyes to your hopeful face, “You can call me Bucky, alright? Usually that’s just for Steve, but you’ve been in his head—know me now, I guess. So you might as well. Hold your horses—I’ll serve you.”

Speechless, you put your hands in your lap and observe him scoop food, the syllables of his offered nickname tapping like a metronome over your curious tongue.

Bucky, you consider, watching the way he moves. Bucky, with his long hair pulled back and out of his cap. Bucky, his soft and worn hoodie, boots drumming gently against the table leg, eyes discreetly glazed over because he doesn’t think you notice the change in his mood.

Bucky, who made you laugh in the Jaeger hangar—even if he did threaten your life upon the first meeting. Who could have let you rot from boredom and worry, but instead took you into Hong Kong to his favorite restaurant without being asked to. Who could hate you—truly, truly hate you—for taking half his life from him, but instead is piling a mound of fragrant jasmine rice on your plate.

“What?”

“Bucky. I like it. It sounds nice.”

A clipped noise of displeasure, “Okay. Don’t fuckin’ wear it out.”

“Bucky...?” You murmur, sly. “Bu-cky. Buck-y.” The tips of his ears swell pink as you continue, emphatically pressing your lips together, letting your jaw hang open, pronouncing with precision. A bite of a steamed bun and you lick the edge of your mouth, “Bucky…hm…”

He sputters.

“Would you stop? Jesus, you’re annoying just like him— no fucking wonder— the two of you. Just fuckin’ darling.” His words are all run together with how fast his frustrated tongue moves, a healthy flush over his cheeks, spoon clinking on his plate.

It’s cute. Stoic, serious, James—Bucky Barnes– just a boy who can’t take a bit of flirting without lighting up like a candle. It’s fun. You like him, Bucky Barnes.

An unexpected ache overtakes you and suddenly Bucky looks more familiar than he ever has. Something excruciating about the soft crinkles of his brow, the way his generous lips draw back to reveal a sliver of his teeth.

He’s Bucky wiping the sweat from his collar in a dirty alleyway, jeans torn at the knees, bruises budding along his knuckles as he yanks up a troublesome blonde friend. Bucky, young and determined, helping Steve into bed every time he got sick.

Bucky, hovering pallid and broken in the drift, hurt and afraid but you felt his resolute strength in Steve’s head even as he howled in agony. Far off and shuffling in transparent layers until he was little more than a specter, but he was there.

His eyes lift again, raising to point you toward the T.V.

“There’s our boy.”

Our boy. And it keeps hurting.

You twist your torso as Steve steps out from backstage, waving and smiling, impeccably poised. He shakes Jimmy’s hand— silently mouthing thank you and hey because the cheering and yelling is too loud to hear him anyway. You try to stop thinking about Bucky anywhere but corporeal and whole across the tablecloth.

“Hey, Jimmy, how are ya?”

“Good—good, Steve. It’s so great to have you on the show again! Wow, you look great! Specimen.”

Steve chuckles modestly, tucking his chin to his chest, “Thanks, you do too.”

“Alright, no need to flatter me, we’re already in love with you, okay?”

You grin the same time Steve does, but whereas he continues to joke and enthrall two hundred people, you grow restless. Bucky refills your tea and drops a crumble of yellow rock sugar in.

“Relax,” he mutters, “It’s fine. He’s good at this. Eat your food.”

And you know this; you know him. Steve’s good when the questions get too personal and when there’s gaps in the conversation—when the cheering interrupts him or when his jaw ticks before he morphs it into a smile.

He’s good when he breaks the news to a hushed audience, gone eerily quiet like they’ve stepped on consecrated ground. Steve gives them those big blue eyes and the room immediately bursts into applause. Some people are crying. The host is shocked into wordlessness.

You feel relieved, getting what you pleaded for. No cameras. No questions. No pressure. The truth is aired, and Bucky seems pleased, too. You’re about to turn around, offer your full attention, thankful for his company, but then something else happens.

Jimmy blinks his stupor away from the blow of Steve’s confession. He takes a sip from his mug and after a short exchange of, thank you for your transparency, it must have been hard— wow I didn’t think you’d drop a bomb like that on us tonight! I thought I was the one with the ace up my sleeve— ha!

He points off-stage and says, “After that, I think you deserve a nice surprise, Steve. Ready?”

Tall, gorgeous, lightly curled hair cascading down her back—the surprise is a woman. She steps easily in heels, an off-the-shoulder red dress hugging tight to her body. Stunning. She waves to the audience and they go wild.

Steve shoots up to meet her for a kiss in front of the host desk, shaking his head in disbelief, tangling his fingers in her silky hair. There’s cheering again and the crying keeps on.

“Oh my god— Jimmy! You sly devil!” He’s overjoyed. “Baby— how’d you—I thought you were working.”

“I can always make an exception for my favorite guy.” She showcases perfectly white teeth and the high apples of her rosy cheeks.

It’s Ophelia Reyez, Steve’s model-turned-actress girlfriend of approximately six months. Her recent appearance on the Victoria Secret fashion show blew up the internet and her last Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover sold out in every gas station you went into.

Their first meeting was at a charity event—raising awareness about pollution in the Pacific, discouraging scavengers from harvesting Kaiju parts after battles. A picture of them standing two feet away made its way through social media the next morning her PR team made contact before noon.

So of course, it was decided; it’s a beneficially mutual relationship, after all. Doesn’t matter if he hates it or not—people don’t want to know that pilots live in a metal box and play basketball on Friday nights. They want to see Rangers in a role— monogamous relationships with beautiful people, white picket fence (or gated community) future in the making, and eventually plump-faced babies in strollers.

Steve’s now back in his seat, shifted so Ophelia is sitting in his lap, turned to the side. His hands are locked around her slender waist—an incredibly believable display of public affection. She kisses his cheek, leans her head on his shoulder, beaming brightly. If you were anybody else, you’d believe it; you have before.

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw,” you whisper in both awe and annoyance.

“Feeling it, huh?” Bucky speaks plainly around a bite of eggplant when he notices your jaw. That habitual and microscopic signal he’s grown to spot a mile away means Steve’s irritated and pissed off, and now it means that you are, too.

“Yeah,” you admit, shaking your head. You turn back to him, thoroughly bothered, having had enough of the performance.

“Uh-huh. Everyone’s a Fly—even her.”

You sigh at the label. Jaeger Flies, is what he’s saying. Ranger groupies. Derisive titles— and maybe deserved— for men and women who are attracted to pilots solely because they’re pilots. They want the opportunity to be famous or the privilege of being elite.

Even her, Ophelia Reyes. She’ll forever look at Steve Rogers as the Ranger.

Natasha always lamented—usually as she took her earrings off after a date, heels slipping off her pale feet—about another civilian man who worshipped her, and how that would be a dream for most people, to be so adored, so revered, but you always felt her sorrow in the drift mourning a love she couldn’t have.

She wanted the white picket fence. The normal life, normal husband, normal family. Her clean break from the past where monsters could no longer chase her in Decima and nightmares could no longer chase her at night. Behind closed doors, she was all torn open at the seams. And you’d wordlessly tell her shut up because she had a family with you. You loved her too, wasn’t that worth something?

She’d spiral and spiral and nothing was ever enough.

Your stomach twists and it keeps hurting.

Bucky pays for dinner. He asks as he pops a mint into his mouth, “Up for dessert?”

“God, Buck.” You groan, and Bucky takes a second to run that through his head again. God, Buck. Another thing like Steve.

“C’mon, I wanna show you another place,” he says thoughtfully, “Hold on to your hat, punk.”

A lighthearted swat to your back and then he’s shoving the ballcap hanging from his chair on your head.

The streets are lit with all sorts of colors as you follow him through the market, peering at vendors showcasing an abundance of food and miscellaneous items. You keep telling him you’re too full and can’t eat another fucking bite, but he only commands you to walk it off. The crispiest egg waffles are somewhere down this way, and even though he can’t remember the intersection, it should be close.

Between steps and dodging passerby’s, he relates his own experiences of brief PR relationships. A Russian woman one time, and a Greek woman another time. Cross-cultural because it made the PPDC look good—and it was all about looking good. He loathed it, of course, but he’d bite down a couple of months before their representatives would release those asinine joint statements about “conscious uncoupling” – schedules too busy, still have love for each other in their hearts, though.

“Couldn’t tell you those girls’ middle names. We’d get together just long enough for some media circulation—dates where we’d pretend to be offended when pictures leaked on TMZ.”

“Well,” you muse over a vision of Bucky leaned back on Steve’s mattress, returned late and bored of another paparazzi encounter swarming him in the lobby of some hotel. You know it like a dream—his ankles crossed, shoes shucked off, cracking his neck. Fuckin’ wild, Stevie. This girl. My knees ain’t what they used to be.

“Least you got your dick plenty wet, didn’t ya?”

He makes a noise like an engine backfiring—offended like you’ve pawned off his prized possessions or something.

“Jesus—you’re an ass.” He slams the bill of the cap down until it hits you in the nose. Another huff, more cursing, and then he’s saying fuck you before speeding off alone.

You chase cheerily, finding his chestnut head peeking over the crowd with ease because he’s tall and hard to lose in Hong Kong. A few more blocks down with him looking back surreptitiously to make sure you’re not lost, and Bucky ends up being the one who is actually lost.

“Shit. Can’t find the stand,” he grumbles, “Don’t give me that face. These are way better than the ones we passed earlier—fucking all soft in the middle—fresh pandan leaf, alright? You don’t get it.”

“I don’t even know what that is,” you laugh, feeling your cheeks grow tired from the way they’ve been lifted all night.

A stifled, hot breeze of urban downtown mixes with a chilly gust of wind, carrying Bucky’s petulance away though the throng. Blinking, you look around, craning your neck and shuffle to the curb. Stalls with hanging lanterns. Carts lined with pickled mango. Vendors grilling skewers of pork and cleaving roast duck into chunks.

You suddenly dart from him across the busy road and barely avoid a rickshaw balancing two enormous baskets of finger bananas. When you return, you hold up matching green popsicles. One gets shoved into his mouth, other one into yours. Pandan, like he wanted.

“Hey, it’s not bad,” you give it another taste. Lingering coconut, a little bit leafy, but not unpleasant. “Oh shit—cold!”

Bucky licks his lips, stinging red from the ice. You shudder loudly as brainfreeze hits, another chatter of your teeth following when a gust of wind whips through. He shrugs his jacket from his shoulders.

He calls you a dumbass after an embarrassing story about the time you skinny-dipped in a pond near The Icebox in the middle of winter. A handsome man, your eager libido, and a handle of whiskey had been involved. You giggle about being bed-ridden for half a week afterwards, but you got his number and a few good nights in his bed.

“Guess you’re not as boring as I thought.”

You whistle, “Sweetheart, I got stories that’ll put some hair on your chest.”

Bucky smacks you on the shoulder. “Ass.”

The Shatterdome comes into view much later.

What would have normally been a three-hour excursion, at most, has unintentionally into six and you’re nowhere close to tired—not quite ready for it to end. Bucky is bright with energy, too.

The past hours have been dedicated to recalling old tales. One led to another, threads pulled from the most insignificant of mentions—your old Boston Terrier’s underbite; Bucky accidentally knocking Steve’s bottom lip into his own braces in sixth grade and it swelled up so big he could hardly talk; Natasha, unable to pronounce fucking aluminum out of all the damn words in the world; you, unable to pronounce facetious; and then Bucky, trying his own hand at it and realizing he can’t either.

“Fa—fa-shish-shush? Fascist—tus? Factitious… Ah, shit.”

“Buck,” you gasp through another fit, “Bucky—you have to shut up. Oh—Oh my god—my face hurts.”

“Christ, who fucking made this word up?” He turns the corner toward the living quarters, shaking his head. Just you and him between the rooms and his steps slow at the advent of an inbound goodnight.

Bravely, now that you’re in more secluded space, you offer, “I can tell you more... if you want. Anything. It’s only fair.”

“Yeah,” he says, going quiet and careful. “If you want to.”

So, you take a deep breath, bookended by a nervous grin because other than Steve, the only person who knows anything about you outside a confidential manila folder is dead.

“Well, it might surprise you, since I’m just so goddamn talented—"

“Oh, here we fuckin’ go.”

“Kidding. I wasn’t good at anything,” you elbow him before fishing out your key. “Other than getting into trouble.” Clicks of the cylinder and your vault door squeaks open. “Lots of fighting—I was a small kid. Had nothing but the clothes on my back and just the biggest chip on my shoulder.”

“Sounds like someone I know.”

Yeah. It’s funny. Steve’s alleyway fisticuffs might as well have been your own. You tell him as soon as the PPDC started recruiting again, you were in line. Their standards were confusingly specific and the tests they ran didn’t make any sense, but you passed and landed in Kodiak Island under the austere care of Stacker Pentecost.

Flipping the light on, you invite him inside. “I’d been in and out of foster homes. Barely had a high school degree. Got into… bad work. You know— what do homeless young adults with questionable moral codes do when their 9-5 isn’t paying the bills?” It’s desperate joke to break up the tension but he doesn’t take the bait.

“I’m not judging.”

You plop down on the edge of your table— a spotty metal thing pilfered from a vacated room. He takes the single seat in front of you, moving a dusty glass of water toward the wall, expression only showing attentiveness.

“Well, anyway…” you pause, “I was in the Bay Area after Trespasser— you know, scavenging. But, well, it changes your perspective a little when you’re sneaking through government tape at 3 in morning, stepping over flowers and memorabilia for all the deaths to crouch over a monster’s fucking toenail.”

“Hell,” a sardonic and self-deprecating grin, “I might have been a degenerate street urchin, but someone’s family got taken from them and here I was—monetizing their tragedy.”

Arching your back for more comfort, you splay your left leg over the surface, “Pentecost always said if I was lucky enough, I’d suffer brain damage or radiation poisoning, but might as well die in a Jaeger than in a ditch like I figured I always would. Son of a bitch had my number.”

Bucky’s lips are pursed lightly, eyes are tracing the path of your laces through bent hooks when you wriggle your boot back and forth. He spreads his hand over your ankle, keeping you still.

You swallow when he squeezes.

“Uh— I met Nat at Kodiak.” Bucky is warm. You oscillate between ignoring him and focusing on him, clinging to his hold instead of chasing the thought of Natasha too much. “We were… very similar. Childhood, um, troubles and all that.” You give him a pointed look and he makes a small noise of understanding with no intention to press for details, “She became my best friend. She was the first person I had. My only family.”

A nod of mock irritation and he says, “Yeah. Steve was always a part of mine. Sometimes they say they like him more than me. Can’t blame ‘em.”

“It’s the charm. They make it seem effortless, huh?”

“Fucker can’t take a bad picture to save his life.”

You laugh. “A smile like the goddamn sun!”

“One look into those stupid blue eyes and you’re a goner.”

“Criminally pretty.”

“Hah!” Bucky snorts, “Pretty enough for all of us.”

The floodlight on the wall casts darkness in the shape of your head over his shoulder. Lines of wayward hair caress his neck, tapered strands resting on his collarbones, chestnut glowing orange. His irises stipple forest green when it touches the light, smile nostalgic and lovely.

“Don’t be stupid,” you look at him for another minute longer, “You’re pretty, too, Buck.”

A raise of his brow. Bucky’s mouth opens and closes a few times vacantly. “Thanks,” he mutters finally. Then, bashfully, “So are you.”

Then, a cautious murmur of your name that you almost miss, and he’s peering up at you, deliberately soft. Bucky’s thumb knead small circles over the stitching of your jeans.

“You loved her, didn’t you?”

You loved her, didn’t you?

The years sweep through, passing over your face in a range of rapid-fire emotions. Bucky watches them change like shadows of a bonfire. Delight, amusement, longing. Anger, despair, grief. Deep and unforgiving because she was your whole world—all you had— and she left too soon.

You inhale and it sounds like a sniffle— exhale, and it sounds like a sob. No going back now; you did promise him anything.

You loved her, didn’t you?

Of course you loved her. Natasha-fucking-goddamn-Romanoff. Yeah, of course you did.

You loved her like a sister. You loved her like a lover. You loved her in reflexive ways, like mother’s intuition, finding your motivation in the need to protect her even though she hardly ever needed protection. You loved her like precious gems. You loved her like she was made from your own rib. You loved her enough to love unreciprocated.

“Well, you spend years living with someone, in their brain, learning everything about them— every decision in and out of their control that led them up to who they ended up being. Their—all their impulses and all the things they think about themselves. How—how they hate themselves sometimes.”

You’d always said you were the stupid one. Too stupid to reflect on the past and too stupid to let it burden your conscience the way she’d let hers. A running gag whenever her hand jammed putting on a lipstick she’d worn a million times and you’d finally have to do it for her.

Cheer up, Nat. You’re too pretty to cry. You’d line her lips, pat in rouge delicately, encouragingly. And then you’d shut up because there was nothing you could tell her. A million reassurances rolled off her back because they only made her feel worse. She clung onto your care like another weapon in her chest because she couldn’t return it even though you told her you wanted nothing from her but happiness. Jesus Christ, Nat, I thought I was the stupid one.

“When you know someone like that, it’s easy, isn’t it? You see them exactly for who they are and suddenly there’s no longer the concept of good or bad. What else could I do but love her? Especially when she thought so little of her damn self—tried everything to be someone else but—Jesus, if you only knew how radiant she was—”

You shut your eyes. “A smile… like the goddamn sun. Ah, fuck—"

And now you’re crying. You haven’t cried about Natasha in almost half a year because it’s something you track like the entrance bay’s war clock. Five months. Ten days. Zero again.

You’re choking back too many words and you don’t even know why you said all of that. You start apologizing, rattling out more, too much again, desperately like a prayer, pitch escalating higher and higher. “She deserved everything. A life that was completely—solely—hers. A life that made her happy— and why— why her?”

Why not me?

Bucky hears it in the silence. Watches it descend like a funeral shroud, weighing you down until you look as heavy as Steve on his worst days—when he stares at Bucky’s arm, like Bucky can’t see, can’t feel him there. And he knows Steve is thinking, why not me?

Bucky rises to his feet, stepping next to your uselessly dangling leg, resting his left hand on your shoulder and you grasp him, clutching achingly tight, torn to bits. And it’s too much all at once.

“I’m sorry,” you sob, locked around his bicep, then his forearm, fingers digging into the smooth obsidian plates, fisting the fabric of his sleeve. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” As if he were Natasha—as if you could stop both her death and his mangling, or at least hold her the way you are holding him now.

You’re smashed into little pieces, barely keeping your head above water, holding it all in, and no one recognized how you were drowning the entire time.

Solemnly, curiously, he feels like he’s seeing you for the first time but not quite, remnants of familiarity sparks in him—the filmy plastic layer of an old photograph pressing down to reveal something he once knew and finally knows again.

You make helpless noises, staring numbly ahead, tears rolling out like marbles to drop into your lap.

Bucky shakes his head, “I’m fine,” he whispers gently—frustrated—brow furrowed, his fingers rubbing the salt from your chin, “Quit your blubberin’.” He tilts your face up to the light, watching you take a shuddering breath, exhausted from unearthing buried skeletons.

It's wet when he kisses you, supple flesh chapped around the edges from anxious gnawing, swollen hot from weeping. It’s soft and quick, and then he pulls away.

“St—sorry,” he says, mouth pressing into a thin line, lips drawn in and tentatively licked. “Sorry, I don’t know… I don’t know why I did that. I shouldn’t have.”

Your eyes are sad—big and vulnerable, inflamed red, confused, worried, something else weaving through the damp gaze. Your strong, small fingers are still tight on him, and even though Bucky pulled away and apologized, he rushes forward again.

His free hand curls around your neck, supporting your head. Lips part and close, pressing firmly, expertly, naturally. It feels like he’s kissed you before and missed it— like a kiss he’s been waiting on for a long time.

Banging on your door jerks him away. You careen off the tabletop, smooth the back of your hair, wipe your face and the vault creaks open.

“Marshal,” Bucky greets.

“Rangers…” Fury’s steps are suspicious, phone in his hand aglow. “I thought we had a plan.”

Your heart is beating too fast, the press of Bucky’s plush lips still warm, the scent of his skin still near. You sense it like an imprint, feel it like a brand. The room spins with an onslaught of possible scenarios—all horrendously unclear.

“Care to explain this to me?” The marshal turns his phone toward you, the lit screen displaying a photo of a dark street, illuminated by red and yellow lanterns. A thick crowd is spread around stalls of fruit and knick-knacks.

The headline reads James Barnes Spotted in Hong Kong with Mystery Woman, and the two of you are circled inside a red ring. You’re teetering off the curb of the sidewalk next to a sewer grate. It’s grainy and distorted, but Bucky’s striking features are clear.

“And this one?”

Bucky’s cap on your head, popsicle sticks between your teeth and his.

Steve Rogers on Jimmy! Jimmy Barnes on a Date!

James Barnes Officially Over Penelope Mercouri.

James Barnes’ Injury?

Fury tucks his device back into his coat. “Not that I care what you get up to on your spare time, but we had a tale to tell. It’s hard pushing an agenda when you’re pushing the wrong way.”

“We just got dinner,” you stutter, an upsurge of guilt rising. The speculation, the kiss, the gut-wrenching reflex that feels like a crime. Fury’s calculating now, looking from you to Bucky, assessing the situation with some pity because you truly look pitiful.

“What you got is PR on cleanup. Potts has been trawling Twitter for the last 20 minutes. For someone who doesn’t want to be in the public eye, you’re making a lot of noise.” He points to Bucky’s jacket still over your shoulders.

You tear it off. “It’s not—”

“Oh no—I won’t be losing sleep any over it.” The marshal’s single eye blinks calmly, “She can spin the story, but you become responsible for this.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, Ranger, that the spotlight is on you now. And there is nowhere to run.”

And if you didn’t think it could get any worse, footfalls down the hallway reach your ears in a pattern that you recognize immediately. Here he is, stepping into your room like it’s his own, suit jacket over his forearm, shirt halfway untucked and tie pulled loose. His lips drawn together and unreadable.

But you read it: Steve’s seen the pictures, too.

And goddamn, if you didn’t think it could get any worse— the earsplitting alarm announcing sudden movement in the breach startles you all.

“Orion Bravo, report to Bay 08, Level B. Codename Polidori. Category 2 Kaiju.” Shuri’s reedy voice is collected but critical. The thin screen next to your bed blinks on primary colors, wavy lines of activity rising and falling, counting down until emergence. Three hours.

Banner streams down the hall. The ruckus drowns him out.

Fury’s dark skin is ochre beneath the lights, “Category II,” he says, “Should be achievable. Odinsons will be on standby, guarding the Miracle Mile. Maximoffs on the coastline. They’ll come to you if necessary. Shelve your personal troubles, Rangers, we’ll continue this conversation later.”

Circuitry. Battle armor. Helmet beneath your arm. Muscle memory cuts down the time to seven minutes until you’re set to board, but you need more. Just a few—you have to tell him—better now than later—better from your mouth than from the drift. So, you blurt, “Bucky kissed me.”

Steve turns.

“We kissed. It—it’s nothing. I just needed to tell you before we get in. Didn’t want to seem like I’m hiding anything—I’m not.” It sounds so stupid, like a child admitting fault for breaking a window with a too-hard throw. It sounds like betrayal.

His helmet is gripped tightly in the crook of his elbow. Steve’s chin juts out incrementally, chewing on the inside of his lip, the air around him gone stagnant until he makes a noise both like a scoff and a hum.

“Sure. Fine. I get it—you’re lonely.” It’s worse than any response you expected to receive. “You know what I mean.”

It must be a testament to the depth of your connection now— you knowing him, him knowing you in all the ways that can make an argument escalate into atomic warfare. Precision strikes and then the two of you walking Ground Zero in its aftermath.

“Wait—you think I’m lonely?” You block his way out, furious. “What the fuck does that— have you met yourself? Girlfriends who will never see you for who you are. Ophelia Reyez? Katherine Lau?”

Orion Bravo. Report to the loading platform.

“I know exactly what I’m doing—do you? I spent all evening on T.V. for you--”

“Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, Mister Martyr in front of a drooling audience telling white lies and screwing a Victoria’s Secret Angel in some penthouse suite— such sacrifices you’ve made in my honor.”

Orion Bravo. Report to the loading platform.

“What the fuck have you done lately?” Steve snaps, “Other than try to fuck my co-pilot?”

His words hit like a kick in the goddamn teeth. You slam your helmet into his chest and the polycarbonate shells knock together violently.

“I’m your fucking co-pilot,” you snarl, “You wanted me.”

Steve steadies himself, twisting until he’s snarling at you down the bridge of his nose, “Enough. We’re being hailed, I’m not breaking this record because of you, and not for a Category II. Get your shit together.”

You grind your molars when he pushes you aside, stumbling on shaking legs. Your brain feels gnarled—misshapen and bent up in sharp, jagged points—and as much as you want to stomp his goddamn face in, he’s right: you can’t feel this way. You can’t. It’s your first drop in two years with the best pilot by your side—and you’re responsible for his life. The last one proved disastrous, and you cannot risk that again.

Your suit feels heavier with each step. When you climb in after Steve, the rig feels more obstinate. Your head, chest, heart are all swollen with turmoil and hot rage.

He’s next to you, breathing deeply. You mimic, shelving personal troubles like the marshal commanded.

Out of alignment, the automated voice of the system calls, and you push it back further, grabbing the entire shelf and hurling it into the depths. Steve sends you an incisive look. A blame. You take a breath, another, and another. Fuck!

“Orion.” The heads-up display spotlights Bucky’s face in the control room, emotionless. “Focus.”

You inhale one more time, seeking reassurance in his unwavering gaze—necessary peace in the silhouette of his phantom left arm. Bucky. Steve. Natasha. You. There can be no more loss. You cannot let it happen again.

Levels stabilizing.

To your right, Steve makes a noise like he’s shaking something off.

Neural Handshake complete.

Bucky stands behind the glass, watching aircrafts lower their hooks. A nod of his dark head is the last thing you see before Orion is lifted from the hangar.

There would be a fucking storm.

You’ve always hated fighting in the rain because Kaiju are enormous, slippery, alien amphibians, and Orion’s left fist slides off more times than you’d like. This one’s much smaller than Orion, which allows it the slight advantage of speed, slicing through the water like a shark, corkscrewing for an extra boost of velocity before emerging with a splash from behind.

A miss when you and Steve weave away, hazarding a minor scratch to the right shoulder before Orion’s shield knocks it back.

Despite the vexing evening and the simmering hurt in the pit of your chest, the drift is steady. So, you take it for what it is, cast the rust off your bones, and the two of you do some fucking damage on this thing.

Banner named it Polidori, after the writer credited with inventing the vampire genre. K-Science sonars detected protruding fangs and petal flaps folded on its back like vestigial wings. So, Polidori, he shrugged, it’s cute.

You discover with swift horror that the flaps are neither vestigial nor cute when Polidori pulls one sliver of leathery skin free with a splat. An atrocious shriek rings over the storm as it struggles with its own body, then another shriek and the left pillar continues to stretch, knobby blunt end of its shoulder blade shooting high, ripping itself full of gaping holes in its endeavor.

Banner was more accurate than he realized.

“Orion!” Shuri’s voice is sharp, “Bring it down! Do not let it into the air! Use your cannon!”

You’re frozen stuck, eyes squeezed shut at the sight of stretched membrane. A terrified whimper and a puncture of nauseating memory nicks at Steve’s concentration.

No! Levels spike on the HUD screen. Fuck! Steve is caught in the undertow and the rig jams beneath both your feet.

“Orion! You’re out of alignment! Orion!”

She’s here.

Natasha’s bright hair is unfurling all around you. There’s deafening splintering when the incisors of her killer punctures through Decima’s chest and both her legs. Metal grinds against metal, the sound searing itself into your eardrums—your brain—your heart. Wings are beating—wild flaps of rubbery sails against the downpour—muffling screams from Decima’s cockpit.

It’s as real and cruel as the last time you saw it.

Bi Fang, like the bird from Chinese mythology, beaked and blessed with flight to make up for its one leg. Bi Fang the Kaiju was legless, and Natasha was convinced Decima could take it. You had no reason to think otherwise; five previous kills cultivated your confidence. You had her by your side, after all. Two orphans with something to prove, proving it again and again.

Wings and fangs? No legs? Six is an auspicious number. The smirk on her lips blooms fiercely. You’re laughing when Decima hovers above the water. Alright, Tasha. Six drops.

A tremendous splash and you touch ground.

She grins. Six kills.

Polidori has one limb fully flexed, fragmenting pixels bending into the shape of Bi Fang. Natasha is bending, too, lowering her center of gravity. Her elbows are against her ribs, fists set. This is gonna hurt. Come to–

Come to me! To me!

He’s stepping in ink. In water. And then metal is beneath Steve’s feet. There are flashes of rain, lightning, and he recognizes her dead center of the storm.

Natasha Romanoff, vibrant and joyful through the glass of her helmet. You, next to her, reciprocal smile on your face stuck in hysteria, tears streaming down your cheeks in wide stripes. Steve’s hand is reaching but going nowhere. Echoes overlap of crying and shouting. Yours. Hers. His.

Come to me!

He yells again, but you’ve chased the rabbit too far.

Come to me!

He’s trying his hardest, stretching himself like ropes to bridge the fissure. He feels your fear, your hurt, and for a flash, it eats him whole, spits him out a twisted-up way and his brain screams for Bucky.

Bucky is doing the same through the control room, reaching his will out to Steve, praying their connection still holds despite their distance. He’s yelling for you, too.

“Steve! Get the hell out of it! Steve, you need to get her!”

The ripping of his red left arm loops three times in quick succession before Steve can temper it down. Bucky is howling, crying, sobbing. Steve is breathless, stuck, rattled, steeling his entire body to witness the amputation for another inescapable replay until your frozen body smears across his blurry field of vision.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Bright whites burst behind his eyelids. Flares of panicked emotion. Bucky. Natasha. Him. You. An endless rippling chain of trauma lashing Orion open.

“Come on— Steve! It’s moving! Steve!”

“Buck! I’m— I’m okay! Just— need a second.” Steve scrambles for his sanity, latching on, knowing Bucky’s well— alive and not hurt. Shuri begins urging him to get up faster. Polidori’s moving slow, but it is moving, and it needs to be put down now. She’s calling for the Odinsons—Colossus, be prepared to walk-

The metal under Steve’s feet slides away. Water returns, ink flowering behind it—molasses and murky. His steps are unsteady, chest heaving as he advances through a field of speckled glimmers like fireflies at dusk. Each flicker reflects an agonized shard of your distorted face.

A flit of your voice rushes behind his head. Steve whips around and tries to catch it but no such luck.

Again, to the right, then gone each time he spins. It builds and builds until he feels half-deaf, frantically invoking your name into the ether where it becomes lost in dissonance. Butterfly-winged iridescence scatter and plummet, shrieking, shrieking, shrieking.

Then, nothing.

He finds you crumpled over on Anchorage’s shore.

Decima reaches sand as a crackling mess of Jaeger parts, chest piece ripped clean off the right side. You clamber out of the rig, hugging Natasha’s mutilated corpse. Your drivesuit is split open down to the hip, the glass of your helmet fractured and splattered with blood from your nose– still dripping.

He shakes his head, attempting to free himself of your scarred clutch. You had been hooked into the rawest fear—linked up when she died— gored and broken with half your brain believing it is also dead. Chills race up his spine and breaks him out in a cold sweat. He feels strangled to his very soul.

Then, seizures take you—the casualties of solo piloting—the neural damage come to collect. Nobody know how many miles you steered Decima alone and truthfully, it should have killed you.

Your eyes roll up to the sky, body convulsing before slamming into the ground like a rag doll, shaky fingers still reaching for your co-pilot. Steve shudders quietly, flinching with each impact. A final wail and everything slackens to a dull vibration. You quiver on the sand, howling and crying for Nat.

Polidori’s right wing casts itself loose, jaw opening wide. Steve’s on a time limit; there are only a few grains left in the hourglass. He croaks your name.

A second of recognition triggers from behind the curtain and it’s miraculously enough for you to see him. It’s enough.

He begs. He begs on his goddamn knees, crawling to you.

Look at me, only at me. Come back to me, please. Please. Please.

Steve gathers you in his arms, both of you trembling and afraid. Your suit heals itself, pieces stitching back together, blood little by little disappearing from your nose. Natasha shimmers away.

He presses the glass of your helmets together. He needs to get closer.

Steve? S-Ste-Steve—Steve?

You’re still crying. You’re breaking his heart.

Yes. I’m here.

St-Steve, what d-d-do I do?

You’ve got me now. I’m here with you. You understand?

He can see you struggling to escape, consciousness clawing with nails and teeth to return to the present.

Yeah. Y-Yes.

We have to move.

Steve—Steve—everything hurts.

Just for now. Just for a little bit—but I’ll make it better, I promise. Nothing’s gonna hurt you again. Will you hold on to me? Do you trust me?

Y-yes… Yes, yes. I trust you.

The rig lurches back to life beneath his feet. Jittery and creaking with strain, Orion rocks forward with a rumble. The drift stirs once more, noise giving way to silence.

Steve’s vision clears. You’re back in the present, precariously grounding your strength inside his guidance. You raise an unsteady left arm. He powers it up. Energy surges through the cockpit, tremors running up your side as it charges. Your hand splays. Steve’s palm takes aim.

Activating plasma cannon.

The beam pierces Polidori’s shoulder and its roar chases a simultaneous thunderclap.

A crack of lightning flushes the sky purple. Orion’s right arm lifts high above its head and slams back down, the glowing hot edge of its shield cleaving through Polidori’s skull.

Bucky’s grip on the control room’s railing feels like it could warp metal. Wilson is on his right, other pilots in a row next to him. All is silent.

Through the relay of Orion’s camera, Polidori’s writhes one final time. A death throe—pathetic trilling drowned by rising water, falling into deep darkness. Overhead, Kaiju clean-up advances, jet engines rumbling behind an ashy horizon. Orion’s shield retreats to its side with a wet, sloppy sound. The handshake pulled through. Steve got to you.

Abruptly, the room vibrates with the shouting of about fifty voices. Sam is banging on the railing, strong fists rocking the entire length of it, roaring with glee. The others are even wilder— shoving each other in triumph.

Bucky tunes it out, waiting for quieter confirmation. He can hear the both of you despite the racket. Steve’s steady pants, cut with throaty relief—this one, Bucky’s familiar with. Your small, weak sobs strangled with tears—this one, he’s quickly learned, but knows now in his bones.

“Twelve drops,” you announce hoarsely. Raw. “B-Buck?”

He grins, dazed comfort rushing over, your voice chasing the torture away.

“Twelve kills, sweetheart,” Bucky says, “You did it.”

The raucous celebration in the Shatterdome simmers down around four, sunrise just a couple hours behind the horizon. Unruliness had broken out, triggering a party that lasted from the time Orion got picked up ‘til now, and still there’s chatter in the common room.

It’s normal; Anchorage celebrated too after most kills—as long as no one died.

You’re freshly showered and changed, barefoot as you patter it back to your room. Voices from other beds are lowered as you pass—friends taking banter back to private spaces, couples pressed up against each other. All standard-issue revelry to commemorate the endurance of life.

It’s how these things go. Violence on a massive scale, humanity threatened with extinction—the people closest to death feel it the most. When routine becomes monotony, it’s good once in a while to be stimulated again.

Damn near two thousand people in close quarters—Rangers in perfect form, friendships assembled on the foundation of sharing an exceptionally singular purpose. Even Pentecost in all his grave formalities couldn’t ward off human nature. Plenty of pilots hooked up with each other and other staff in Anchorage and no one cared as long as it didn’t muck anything up on the job. At least the marshal could control that; mishandle your personal relationships and you’d be off the docket for your next drop.

Sex is biology. Desire is human.

It’s hard for you to feel human this morning. Exhausted by the fight and the prior evening—awake now for over 24 hours, you broke away from the commons as soon as you arrived, spending an hour simply breathing in the steam, the habit achingly comforting. Your chest still feels tight, heart bloated with invasive flashbacks.

You used to decompress with Natasha. A few drinks, tales from the cockpit, shadowboxing and putting on a show, glad to be in the company of friends— to be back safely with each other. Then you’d scatter with the crowd, meet her in the showers, and help her wash her hair in silence. Nothing but the trickle of shampoo down the drain.

She’d cry, sometimes. Catharsis, mostly. Curled up in your arms, the both of you cozy in pajamas on the floor. Then off to bed where she’d climb under your sheets, falling sleep with her head on your shoulder, your fingers in her hair.

A love unspoken. A home in the shape of a twin-sized bottom bunk. Cramped and narrow. Too brief.

You sigh. Everything hurts.

A few rooms away from yours, Steve’s door is open just enough for a line of orange to escape. You know he’s there, waiting patiently as he has been. You went near catatonic on the way back, lying down in the cockpit, no longer needing to be hooked up. You shed the armor, holed yourself into the corner of Orion’s hull, and said nothing when he sat by your side.

Walking in front of the light, he places himself in the entrance way until he’s looking at you. His face is a gentle blue shadow, resplendent halo glorious behind his head. He’s dressed in soft pants and a t-shirt damp at the collar. A droplet of water runs down his neck.

It emerges like an orchestral arrangement. Leisurely notes creep into your ears—a tune you’ve always known. Plucks of strings, escalating windchimes. It echoes, the trails on his skin, his measured breath, his percussive voice layering and pleating until there are dozens of him.

Look at me. Come to me. I need you.

You feel it all at once. A knotted, chaotic tempest. Hesitation. Confusion. Ache. Bucky. Him. You. Your eyes lock with his. A mistake and a revelation.

Steve holds out a steady hand. You take a step, terrified, pulled into his overwhelming atmosphere like magnets, your bodies humming a secret frequency, purring for each other.

The drift opened everything up, but the battle tore it all out. The both of you are laid bare, everything else fallen away.

Nothing’s gonna hurt you again. You’ve got me now, you understand?

You reach the shadow he casts, eclipsed entirely by his bulk. Steve threads his fingers between yours and with a tug, you surrender your worries to him.

He’s kissing you before the door is entirely shut and latched. He fumbles for the locks, wraps his arms around your waist. A click and a clatter. He moans into your mouth.

You exhale from deep inside your chest. He inhales like it’s all the oxygen he needs.

Your hands move to one place, his hands to another. Before your bodies can savor it, the both of you have roamed on, reading each other’s minds, knowing what’s next.

More. More. More.

It’s impatient and fast and Steve picks you up with ease. You forget yourself, forget the world outside the room, outside the three-by-three tile area of where he’s got you lifted, legs wrapped tight around his hips. Fingers dive into the back of your pants, squeezing, up your shirt, pawing at your breasts.

His groans blow heat onto your neck. You arch away, giving him more skin to brand kisses onto. He nips at your throat, light, then again, rough. His voice is raw and thick, husky little clouds making their home on your body.

Gentle sucking on your bottom lip follow each kiss. He takes you to bed, dropping himself onto the mattress, you on top of him. He’s been in your head; he knows what you like. Knows where you want him. Your voice is getting higher, sounds quick and shallow.

Steve guides you with one hand on your hip and the other beneath your thigh, soft pajama bottoms pressing against his. He groans each time you rock forward, needy for more contact against his groin.

You’ve been in his head, too. He likes feeling hands in his hair, so you grip his flaxen strands. He likes hearing, so you make a little more noise. He likes seeing his partner helpless because of him, losing all control, falling apart for him.

So you do.

Pleasure rushes from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, his name burning in your throat. It’s an incredible shock and you’re spellbound, enraptured by him drinking in the parting of your swollen lips. Quickly, he places you on his thigh, enormous and strong, needing a better position to see— to feel you on him. Hungry attention, eager eyes, pleading like a mother tongue.

“Keep coming for me. Just like this— don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

The shamelessness of it—your underwear soaked to your pants. The fever of it—his body like a fire, low, husky begging just from watching lighting up your spine. It’s extraordinary adrenaline— the heightened and profound connection of knowing one another in every way—as if you were made for each other.

Animal instinct liberated from human sentience. Desire pursuing release. Two bodies colliding and igniting.

You can’t stop the next cresting wave, crying out again.

Steve pushes you on his leg repeatedly, back and forth, solid and firm between your thighs even as you shudder and whimper, telling him it’s too much— you’re too sensitive. He kisses your neck, jaw, chin, cheek. He doesn’t stop moving.

“Hold on to me.”

A bead of sweat collects on the dip of your cupid’s bow. He looks at how sweetly your skin shimmers as you shiver, how your pupils are blown wide, how you look so perfect to him. He presses his forehead to yours, looks into your eyes like the way he did in the drift.

You reach for him and rub in quick strokes, fumbling when he rocks you back, gripping when he rocks you forward. Parted lips hover, “One more time for me—ah, please,” he begs, “Before I do.”

But he’s too late and too heated. Steve makes a mess of his sleeping pants, taken over the edge by how you feel without hardly feeling you at all. He buries a groan into your shoulder, riding it out with indelicate thrusts into your palm.

“Oh,” he murmurs, “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.”

He’s blush pink and beautiful when he remembers himself again, rubbing his cheek against yours. He knows what you’re thinking— the realization in the comedown, the leaching fear of what could have been a mistake. But it isn’t, and Steve remains faithful to your body.

“Stay. I’m sorry—for hurting you. I’ll make it better.” Velvet kisses to your lips and you shake your head, apologies no longer necessary.

A whisper of his name like it’s the most radiant word. You cling to him, kissing him, answering only to him.

In the afternoon when Steve is still sleeping, you retreat to your room. You pause at the sight of Bucky already on your bed, caught in the bleary focus of his gaze. With lashes soaked wet, his throat constricts around a forceful swallow.

“Hey,” he says, voice breaking on the syllable. He pats the space next to him and you come sit, turning your knees until they knock into his.

“Bucky…”

He laughs like you’ve told a joke, like the sound of his own name is a funny thing escaping your mouth. “Hoped I could catch you last night, before—” he laughs again. “—Before bed. Just wanted to—I guess I don’t know what I wanted to do.”

The hurt resurfaces. You find him through the rose-dappled lenses of Steve’s eyes. Those warm summers with two boys running wild, effortlessly devoted to each other. Your heart swells like you’re there, gazing at russet locks flying in the wind. Years and years between them—Bucky’s smile, lopsided and carefree. Steve’s gaze, illuminating Bucky in every memory.

“Bucky,” you say again, so wonderfully soft, he thinks, even as his chest feels stretched to bursting. “You love him.”

He places his temple on your shoulder, face hidden by the long strands of his hair.

“You’ve been in his head. He’s easy to love.”

“Yes,” you agree, touching his bangs, pushing them over his ear, streaking four affectionate lines through, “He is.”

“So are you.”

Bucky turns into your palm, smiling openly, like the truth is the simplest thing in the world.

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #pacific rim #marvel #reader insert #fanfiction

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ronweasleyisourking · 5 years ago

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Hogwarts Class of 1998 (The Longest Post I’ll Ever Make)

This is a project that has taken me over two months to finish but finally, the finished product is here. This is my final list on who the forty students in Harry’s year were and their significance in the books, movies, or video games, along with some of my own headcanons thrown in. (Disclaimer: Not Cursed Child compliant)

Hannah Abbott - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Hannah Abbott was the first to be sorted in Philosopher’s Stone. On several occasions, she distrusted or was against Harry, but joined the DA in her 5th year. She was also made a prefect. Her mother died in her 6th year, most likely killed by Death Eaters and was taken out of school. She came back the next year, joined the revived DA, and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. She was later announced to be married to Neville Longbottom, but as that is not in the books, it’s up to you.

Susan Bones - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? She was one of the first few kids to be sorted in the Philosopher’s Stone. In Chamber of Secrets, due to their shared interest in Gilderoy Lockhart, she is seen with Hermione Granger a lot and were believed to be friends, which would mean that two of Susan’s friends, Justin and Hermione, were petrified. As the war began, it is likely that Susan was scared, having already lost many of her relatives, including, possibly, her parents. In her 6th year, she lost her aunt, Amelia Bones, and also lost her leg in a splinching accident. She did, however, get her leg back. It is unknown if she had any remaining living relatives. She was in both the original and revived DA.

Terry Boot - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? In Chamber of Secrets, he joined the Dueling Club and received a wound that Lockhart told him to pinch off. Later, in Order of the Phoenix, he joined the DA and was seemingly amazed by Hermione Granger’s magical skills. He was one of the twelve students in N.E.W.T. Level Potions. In his seventh year, he joined the revived DA, gave Harry Potter information about Ravenclaw’s diadem, fought in the Battle of Hogwarts, and killed at least one death eater with the spell “Everte Statum”.

Mandy Brocklehurst - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? She was one of the students sorted in Philosopher’s Stone and did not make further appearances.

Lavender Brown - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Lavender Brown was the first student to be sorted into Gryffindor in Philosopher’s Stone, making her the roommate to Hermione Granger, whom she had conflicts with, and Parvati Patil, who fans believe was her best friend. She took great interest in Divination and looked up to Professor Trelawney. In her fourth year, she went to the Yule Ball with Seamus Finnigan. She joined the DA in her 5th year, though she briefly believed he was lying. In 6th year, she had a relationship with Ron Weasley that did not end well. In Deathly Hallows, she joined the revised DA, fought in the Battle of Hogwarts and may have been killed by Fenrir Greyback, though it could be argued she only died in the movie.

Millicent Bulstrode - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Millicent Bulstrode was likely the first student to be sorted into Slytherin in Philosopher’s Stone. In Chamber of Secrets, she dueled Hermione Granger in the Dueling Club and had a cat that Hermione accidently polyjuiced into. She was part of Dolores Umbridge’s Inquisitorial Squad in the Order of the Phoenix, unsurprisingly, as it was full of all, or at least mainly, Slytherin students. Little else is known about her.

Michael Corner - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Not much is known about Michael Corner until his later years at Hogwarts, when he began dating Ginny Weasley and joined the DA because of her. He had trouble disarming her because of his feelings, which is how Harry Potter and Ron Weasley found out about their relationship. His relationship with Ginny ended when he was a sore loser after Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw in Quidditch and at some point, he began dating Cho Chang. He was one of 12 students in N.E.W.T. level potions and at the end of his 6th year, did not participate in the battle that broke out for some reason. In Deathly Hallows, he joined the revived DA, was tortured by the Carrows for releasing a first year student, participated in the discussion about Ravenclaw’s diadem, and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Vincent Crabbe - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Usually seen with Gregory Goyle and Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe is usually seen as more of a follower than a leader, and also quite stupid. In Chamber of Secrets, he was tricked into eating cakes that would make him pass out, and Ron Weasley took one of his hairs and polyjuiced into him. He, along with Malfoy and Goyle dressed up as dementors in Prisoner of Azkaban to scare Harry Potter, and passed out badges that read “Support Cedric Diggory” and “POTTER STINKS!” in Goblet of Fire. He and Goyle caused Harry Potter, George Weasley, and Fred Weasley to get lifetime bans from Quidditch. At the end of his 5th year, his father was arrested for being a death eater, and when he went after Harry for being the reason his father was in Azkaban, he was transfigured into a slug. In 6th year, he was forced to transfigure into a girl to guard the Room of Requirement, which Malfoy was using to repair a vanishing cabinet that would help death eaters get into Hogwarts. He died in the Battle of Hogwarts, after falling to his death in the Room of Requirement.

Tracey Davis - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Never mentioned in the books, not even at the sorting, her character is mostly known about from out of canon sources, specifically Pottermore. She is listed on J.K. Rowling’s Original Forty list, which is one of the top inspirations for this list. She is listed as a Slytherin, and is likely a halfblood.

Fay Dunbar - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Fay Dunbar is officially a movie and video game character, but has more information about her than some characters on the Original Forty list, which she is not on. She was likely a pureblood or halfblood, as she only had brief knowledge if of hairdryers, referring to one as a machine for drying hair. She loved Quidditch (she is most likely a beater), may have been in the Gobstones club, wanted to be an auror, and was consistently seen with a ginger girl who she dormed with (see Ainsley Hitchcock). She was in Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. It is unknown if she joined the DA or fought in Battle of Hogwarts.

Kevin Entwhistle - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Never mentioned in the books, not even at the sorting, his character is mostly known about from out of canon sources, specifically Pottermore. He is listed on J.K. Rowling’s Original Forty list, which is one of the top inspirations for this list. He might be related to Annabel Entwhistle.

Justin Finch-Fletchley - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? He is a muggleborn, likely from an upper middle class family, as he was preparing to go to Eton before going to Hogwarts. He was sorted into Hufflepuff in the Philosopher’s Stone. He is seen as a bit of a suck up as he tries to flatter and impress many characters throughout the books. An incident involving the Dueling Club led him to distrust Harry Potter, and was petrified sometime later, leading his friends to distrust Harry as well. Though they got along well after Chamber of Secrets, he distrusted Harry again in Goblet of Fire, supporting his fellow housemate Cedric Diggory instead. Still, he joined the DA in Order of the Phoenix. As a muggleborn, he did not return for his seventh year and may have went on the run or may have been tracked down and killed. His fate is unknown.

Seamus Finnigan - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Seamus Finnigan is an Irish student at Hogwarts and one of the boys whom Harry shares a dorm with. His most notable quote is actually one that is misquoted in the movies (The actual quote is “ “I’m half-and-half,” said Seamus. “Me dad’s a Muggle. Mum didn’t tell him she was a witch ’til after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him,” btw). He is well known for setting things on fire, the first occurance being when he was partnered with Harry in Charms class while learning the levitation charm. Seamus knew quite a bit about quidditch, sometimes lending tips to Harry, particularly before his first match. He was partnered with Ron during the Dueling Club, and was knocked to the ground by Ron’s malfunctioning wand. He was often seen with Dean Thomas, even outside of school. His greatest fear in third year was a banshee. He attended the Quidditch World Cup with his mother and Dean, rooted for Ireland, and at some point purchased a rosette for the team. He believed Harry tricked the goblet to let him compete in the tournament. He went to the Yule Ball with Lavender Brown. Seamus did not believe that Voldemort was back, most likely due to his mother’s beliefs, and did not originally join the DA, though he did start going after Harry’s interview in The Quibbler. Seamus tried out for chaser in his sixth year, but was turned down and Dean Thomas became chaser instead. Seamus returned to Hogwarts in his seventh year, joined the revised DA, and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. His patronus was a fox.

Anthony Goldstein - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Anthony Goldstein was a distant relative of Tina and Queenie Goldstein, I personally believe they and his great-grandfather were cousins. He, like them, is Jewish. He did not appear at the sorting. In fifth year, he became Ravenclaw prefect, along with Padma Patil. He, believing that Umbridge’s DADA classes were worthless, joined the DA. He was paired with Zacharias Smith during at least one of the meetings. He was part of the group who turned Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle into something that resembled giant slugs on the train at the end of the year. Anthony returned to Hogwarts in his seventh year, joined the revised DA, and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Gregory Goyle - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Usually seen with Vincent Crabbe and Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle is usually seen as more of a follower than a leader, and also quite stupid. In Chamber of Secrets, he was tricked into eating cakes that would make him pass out, and Harry Potter took one of his hairs and polyjuiced into him. He, along with Malfoy and Crabbe dressed up as dementors in Prisoner of Azkaban to scare Harry Potter, and passed out badges that read "Support Cedric Diggory” and “POTTER STINKS!” in Goblet of Fire. He and Crabbe caused Harry Potter, George Weasley, and Fred Weasley to get lifetime bans from Quidditch. At the end of his 5th year, he was transfigured into a slug when he went after Harry for being the reason Malfoy and Crabbe’s fathers were arrested. In 6th year, he was forced to transfigure into a girl to guard the Room of Requirement, which Malfoy was using to repair a vanishing cabinet that would help death eaters get into Hogwarts. He lost his best friend, Crabbe, in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Hermione Granger - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Of course you know her. But I’ll list some of her highlights anyways: Daughter of Magnus and Imogen Granger, sister of Cymbeline and Cornelius Granger, best friends with Harry and Ron, shares a dorm with Lavender and Parvarti, used a time turner to go to all her classes in PoA, slapped Draco Malfoy, prefect for Gryffindor, founder of Dumbledore’s Army, wife of Ronald Weasley, and Minister of Magic; seriously, she’s #goals.

Daphne Greengrass - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Daphne Greengrass was a Slytherin girl in Harry’s year, most likely friends with Pansy Parkinson. She is sister to Noe and Astoria Greengrass, sister-in-law of Draco Malfoy, and aunt to Scorpius and Indus Malfoy.

Ainsley Hitchcock - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Ainsley Hitchcock, usually known as Fay Dunbar’s friend, is a movie/video game character who is ginger and in Gryffindor. She was presumably either a muggleborn or halfblood. She took Care of Magical Creatures and Divinations, along with Fay, dislikes Crabbe and Goyle, and was not a fan of playing quidditch but did watch it.

Wayne Hopkins - HUFFLEPUFF

Meghan Jones - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Usually known as “Megan Jones”, she is never mentioned in the books, not even at the sorting, her character is mostly known about from out of canon sources, specifically Pottermore. She is listed on J.K. Rowling’s Original Forty list, which is one of the top inspirations for this list. She is a relation of Hestia and Gwenog Jones and is a Hufflepuff.

Leanne Kothari - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Leanne Kothari, previously known as simply Leanne, was a Hufflepuff. She was friends with Katie Bell, witnessed Katie being put under a curse at Hogsmeade in the Half-Blood Prince, was a member of the revived Dumbledore’s Army, and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Sue Li - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Never mentioned in the books, not even at the sorting, Sue Li’s character is mostly known about from out of canon sources, specifically Pottermore. She is listed on J.K. Rowling’s Original Forty list, which is one of the top inspirations for this list. She is listed as a Ravenclaw.

Neville Longbottom - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t recognize them? Neville Longbottom was the pureblood son of Frank Longbottom and Alice Fawley, and was raised by his paternal granmother, Augusta Longbottom, after his parents were tortured. He was the other boy that fit the prophecy (other than Harry). He made acquaintance with Hermione Granger on the train while looking for his toad, Trevor. He was often the butt of the joke, portayed as naive and dumb and was an easy target for Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape, but he was also shown as incredibly brave and extremely intelligent when it came to Herbology. He took Ginny Weasley to the Yule Ball, but was never shown to have a romantic relationship with her. He was a member of the original DA (and also fought in the Battle at the Department of Mysteries) and a founder of the revived DA, and lead his fellow students into the battle. He killed the last horcrux, Voldemort’s snake Nagini. He went on to marry Hannah Abbott, had three daughters, and became the Herbology professor.

Isobel MacDougal - RAVENCLAW

Don’t recognize them? Mentioned in the books at the sorting as Morag MacDougal, I chose to go with one of her previous names revealed on Pottermore - Isobel (I just like it better).

Ernie Macmillan - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t recognize them? Ernie Macmillan was an academically gifted pureblood wizard sorted into Hufflepuff. He was friends with Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley, and suspected Harry of being the heir of Slytherin briefly until Hermione was petrified. He also believed Harry cheated to get into the Triwizard Tournament and wore Potter Stinks! badges but was ultimately one of the few students that believed Harry when he said Voldemort was back. He was part of the original and revived DA and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. His patronus was a boar.

Draco Malfoy - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Stop lying, there is no way you don’t know ferret boy. Key moments would be: son of Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black, tried and failed to be friends with Harry Potter, owned a house elf named Dobby until he was 12, got injured by Buckbeak and set off a long trial that led to almost execution of Buckbeak, was slapped by Hermione Granger, got turned into a ferret temporarily, went to the Yule Ball with Pansy Parkinson, was a key source of rumours for Rita Skeeter, was a prefect and a member of the Inquistorial Squad, became a death eater at 16, was assigned to kill Dumbledore and failed, became the master of the Elder Wand unknowningly, at some point became more reluctant in his death eater duties, did not want to identify the trio when snatchers brought them to the Malfoy Manor, was disarmed by Harry Potter, watched one of his close friends fall to his death, was punched by Ron Weasley, and in the movies, was shown to be hesitant to join Dumbledore. He survived the war and later married Astoria Greengrass and had a son named Scorpius.

Lily Moon - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? She was one of the students sorted in Philosopher’s Stone and did not make further appearances.

Bem Nenge - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Bem was a movie character who showed up in Prisoner of Azkaban as a Gryffindor and is known for his lines in that movie but was later retconned as a Ravenclaw in the Order of the Phoenix, likely due to the fact that there is no sixth Gryffindor boy in Harry’s year.He was credited as “Boy 1″ and “Ravenclaw Boy” in the respective movies, but was identified as Bem in the captions of POA. He is likely half-blood or pureblood, because he had knowledge of the Grim. His name implies he is of Nigerian, specifically Tiv, descent.

Theodore Nott - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Theodore Nott was the son of a death eater. He was one of three students who could see thestrals in a fifth year Care of Magical Creatures lesson. His father was outed as a death eater at the end of his fifth year, which caused Professor Slughorn not to invite him into the Slug Club the next year. It is unknown what he did during the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pansy Parkinson - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Pansy Parkinson was often seen with Draco Malfoy. She mocked Neville Longbottom and Parvati Patil in the first flying lesson in Philosopher’s Stone. In Prisoner of Askaban, she fawned over and exaggerated Malfoy’s injury in order to incriminate Hagrid and get Buckbeak executed. She spread rumors about Hermione Granger in their fourth year, laughed when Malfoy hexed Hermione’s teeth to grow to an enormous size, and went to the Yule Ball with Malfoy. She made prefect in Order of the Phoenix and joined Umbridge’s Inquisitorial Squad and also made a racist comment towards Angelina Johnson, led her classmates in a mocking song during quidditch to throw off the Gryffindor team, insulted Harry and Cho on their date, and was hexed into growing a pair of antlers. During the Battle of Hogwarts, she suggested turning him over to Voldemort. She left Hogwarts before the true battle began.

Padma Patil - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? Padma Patil is the twin sister of Parvati Patil and is a Ravenclaw. She is described as one of “the two best-looking girls in the year” though she ended up being asked to the Yule Ball last minute by Ron Weasley, and was mostly ignored by her date throughout the night, eventually ditching him for a Beauxbatons boy. She became Prefect in her fifth year and joined the D.A. , showing a little bit of her rebel side by destroying some of the speakers that Umbridge had placed around school with her sister and Harry Potter, though this was in a video game, not the books. She was pulled out of school briefly at the end of her sixth year, her parents thinking that it was unsafe for their daughters to continue going there but was forced to go back for her seventh year due to mandatory attendance for halfbloods and purebloods. She fought in the Battle of Hogwarts and survived the war, though nothing is known of her later life.

Parvati Patil - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Parvati Patil is the twin sister of Padma Patil and is a Gryffindor. She is quick to defend her friends, shown in the first flying lesson when she defended both Neville and Harry. She was also shown to be okay friends with her dorm mate, Hermione Granger, as she was the one to find her crying in the girls bathroom and she also hugged Hermione at a quidditch game. She showed curiosity about the Chamber of Secrets in her second year. She was best friends with Lavender Brown and they bonded over their love of Divinations in their third year, and it was also revealed in this year that her greatest fear was mummies. She is described as one of “the two best-looking girls in the year” though she ended up being asked to the Yule Ball last minute by Harry Potter, and was mostly ignored by her date throughout the night, eventually ditching him for a Beauxbatons boy. She joined the DA in her fifth year, and during one meeting, Parvati produced such a good Reductor Curse that she reduced a wooden table to dust. In her sixth year, Parvati was shown to be a little annoyed by Ron and Lavender’s relationship, but her friendship with Lavender did not suffer. She was pulled out of school briefly at the end of her sixth year, her parents thinking that it was unsafe for their daughters to continue going there but was forced to go back for her seventh year due to mandatory attendance for halfbloods and purebloods. She fought in the Battle of Hogwarts, casting a Full Body-Bind curse at death eater, Antonin Dolohov. She was most likely saddened by the injury and possible death of her best friend, Lavender Brown, who was attacked by Fenrir Greyback.

Sally-Anne Perks - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Sally-Anne Perks was listed at the sorting, right before Harry but was not mentioned again. Her disappearence, specifically the fact that her name was not called during the O.W.L.s pratical examinations, is a mystery that has plagued the Harry Potter fandom for years.

Harry Potter - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Idk what this boy was up to, I think he was like semi-famous and killed some evil guy? More importantly, he was best friends with Ron Weasley, the legend, and the Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger, + married that badass Quidditch player, Ginerva Weasley. Father to three amazing kids (James, Arthur & Lily) and has a teaching position at Hogwarts.

Oliver Rivers - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Never mentioned in the books, not even at the sorting, Oliver River’s character is mostly known about from out of canon sources, specifically Pottermore. He is listed on J.K. Rowling’s Original Forty list, which is one of the top inspirations for this list. His house was never confirmed.

Zacharias Smith - HUFFLEPUFF

Don’t Recognize Them? Originally listed as Sally Smith, Zacharias Smith was a chaser for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team and although he distrusted Harry, a member of the original Dumbledore’s Army. He was critical, quick to mock, and pretty much thought he was better than everyone - but was a cowardly little shit in the end, opting not to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts. His annoying personality got him on the bad side of Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, and even Luna Lovegood.

Dean Thomas - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Hella good artist. Loved muggle football but supported Quidditch as well. Best friends with Seamus. Pretty good Chaser when it came to Quidditch. Huge supporter of Remus Lupin. Went to the Quidditch World Cup with Seamus and his mum. Supported Harry throughout the Triwizard Tournament. Unknown who he went to the Yule Ball with but I’m placing my money on Meghan Jones. Dated Ginny Weasley, and while he was upset when Ginny and Harry first began dating, he harboured no hate towards either of them, probably because he was in love with Seamus. Went on the run during the war because of his unknown blood status and was caught by snatchers and taken back to Malfoy Manor, where he found Luna and Mr Ollivander. Hugged Seamus when he got back to Hogwarts. Fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. Probably more but I’m TIRED.

Lisa Turpin - RAVENCLAW

Don’t Recognize Them? She was one of the students sorted in Philosopher’s Stone and did not make further appearances.

Ron Weasley - GRYFFINDOR

Don’t Recognize Them? Okay, shut your trap, there is no way you don’t recognize the BEST character in the books. Ron “Harry Potter’s First Friend” Weasley. Ron “Chess Master” Weasley. Ron “Opens up his home to best friend” Weasley. Ron “Not only drove to his friend’s house because he was worried but drove AGAIN to get to school on time” Weasley. Ron “Relatable AF because fearing giant spiders is VALID” Weasley. Ron “I’m going to stand in between a known murderer and my best friend on my broken leg” Weasley. Ron “I’m going to let my friend practice stunning spells on me” Weasley. Ron “the person Harry would miss MOST” Weasley. Ron “I’m just gonna casually break Gamp’s Law” Weasley. Ron “Noticed the scars on Harry’s hand first” Weasley. Ron “One of the founders of a secret HIGHLY ILLEGAL organization” Weasley. Ron “We’re with you whatever happens” Weasley. Ron “Follows his best friend on a horcrux hunt” Weasley. Ron “Jumps into a frozen lake to save Harry” Weasley. Ron “I’m extremely famous” Weasley. Ron “THAT’S MY WIFE (Yes I’m basically saying he’s John Mulaney)” Weasley. Don’t tell me you don’t know Ron Weasley.

Blaise Zabini - SLYTHERIN

Don’t Recognize Them? Blaise Zabini was the son of a famous witch who had been widowed seven times and was quite vain. He was one of the view students who got an invite to the Slug Club, most likely because of his mother’s status. While he was one of the quieter antagonists of the books, he belittled Harry’s talent at potions, causing him to get on the bad side of Ginny Weasley. He had no familial connection to the Death Eaters and his role in the Battle of Hogwarts is unknown.

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kyloring95 · 6 years ago

Text

The Rise of Skywalker aka Ben Solo-Skywalker aka WE TOLD YA SO

Holy crap guys. We have a TITLE and a teaser trailer I did not expect! I tried to put my thoughts into words yesterday after the live stream of the panel but all I could successfully do was fangirl aggressively. So here is my completely unasked for opinions/reactions on THAT trailer.

We have an interesting set up here with Rey on this desert planet (Jakku, Tatooine, or maybe a new unknown planet?) she doesn’t seem worried/upset/panicked. It looks like she has done this before? Like she is preparing herself for something.

We hear Ben’s Silencer flying in the distance and not only does she ignite the legacy saber but she turns her back on Ben then she pauses listening then takes off like she is trying to time something just right and then does the most badass of all badass flips onto Ben’s Silencer. Side note: Ben never fires on her and he is ALONE. They aren’t fighting in this sequence. Nor do I think Ben is training per se...I think they are trying to coordinate a move just right before having to apply it to a fight. (TFA concept art anyone?)

The next frame is odd to me as I can’t place it nor do I have any idea as to which planet this is? Have we seen this one before? Or is this a new world we get to visit potentially in the unknown regions.

Oh my god LOOK at the cinnaren roll kicking ass here. Boi straight up clotheslines this dude (who suspiciously looks like the guy from Rey’s vision in TFA that he impales) this poor poor stunt man... This scene does remind me now of that section of vision in the TFA novelization. FYI if Ben tells Rey “I’ll come back for you sweetheart.” I will legit pass away my soul will leave my body and I will melt in the theater.

I want to know who they are fighting in this scene. CONTEXT damn it I need it!

Words can not describe how HAPPY I was to see Ben maskless. I came into this season of marketing fully expecting them to desperately try and make Kylo look like the big bad for IX and have his precious face covered by his mask but no they gave us MASKLESS BEN SOLO.

These. Are. Not. Ben’s. Hands.

These are not Chewie’s hands.

I want to know who.

I want to know why.

This does look similar to one of the leaks of one of the new alien characters that’s nameless right now. I am hoping that as time goes by we will get more to work with on this front.

Finn and Poe are looking fiiiiiine. Mmmm MMM mmm. I am LOVING everyone’s new looks.

Could they be on the same desert planet as Rey and Ben when she flips onto his Silencer?

Have they stumbled upon Rey and Ben’s meeting place and are watching her do that BADASS flip?

I need to know. I want to see an extra salty Poe talking to Rey in front of Ben all like “He tortured us Rey. You of all people should be against this!” and Rey can be all awkward and Ben can chime in “Torture? I didn’t torture her Dameron.” *dies laughing*

Lando and Chewie piloting the falcon just brought a wave of bittersweet emotions...

Are those stormtroopers using jetpacks like in the video games?!?!?!?! I am sooooooo excited to see if they are as thats the only time we have seen them!

Poe, Finn, and 3PO on a vehicle that reminds me of the ones used at Jabba’s palace.

Leia...oof... Carrie you are missed by so many.

This clip of her hugging Rey and Rey’s tears...my heart hurts.

The clip of Leia holding Han’s? Luke’s? medal...

Just hit me in the feels LF.

Look at Chewie.

Look at BB-8 and D-0.

Look at C3-PO.

And Poe.

And Finn.

And Rey.

They FINALLY get to go on an adventure together!

I am so ready to see the character dynamics in this film!

Also they found the remnants of the Death Star...

Sith relics?

What is on the Death Star that they need? Hmmmm

THIS COCKROACH

THIS SLIMY OLD MAN

THIS BASTARD THAT F*CKED WITH ANAKIN’S HEAD

THIS EVIL EVIL MAN THAT KILLED PADME THEN TOLD ANAKIN HE DID IT

THIS PIECE OF WRINKLED DEFORMED GARBAGE NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM MY SPACE FAMILY DAMN IT

I heard his cackle and wanted to vomit.

He literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Ben should finish what Anakin started and finally kill this walking talking piece of space Sith garbage.

Yes this is in here again because...how could I not put this here again? Look at that precious boi out to destroy people.

Last random thoughts.

Luke’s voiceover.

“We’ve passed down all we know. A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight. We’ll always be with you. No one’s ever really gone.”

So many possible meanings...

I am crossing my fingers and praying that he is talking to Ben or even Ben and Rey when he says this. JJ already said on the panel that the light and the dark would have to face the greatest evil (probably misquoting this rn but you know what I’m talking about) so this could be Luke giving them a talk about what they need to do. It also makes me think that multiple force ghosts? have given them knowledge of some kind that they need to use to defeat Palpatine once and for all.

ASLO Ben’s theme as the title is revealed only to sound hopeful and HOLY SMOKED THEY AREN’T EVEN TRYING TO BE SUBTLE WITH THAT MUSIC OR THAT TITLE.

Alright everyone that’s all I have for now. Hope you enjoyed my cluster f*ck mess that is my blog post.

#bendemption #reylo #the rise of ben skywalker #the rise of skywalker #episode ix #that trailer though #someone get me life alert #words cant describe what this feels like #we have content again #let the over analyzing begin #jj abrams #rian johnson #the true mvps #the first reylos

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favescandis · 5 years ago

Photo

Mads Mikkelsen in AUGUSTMAN SG

Photos by Carlos Serraro. Words by Alexandra Pollard/Farhan Shah (June 2019)

article also found on augustman.com:

THE ENIGMATIC MADS MIKKELSEN IS HAVING A MOMENT THIS YEAR

“In many ways, it was the most physical thing I’ve ever done,” says Mads Mikkelsen of his film, Arctic, the gruelling tale of a man stranded in the snowy wilderness. “Ever.” It’s a big claim, especially coming from Mikkelsen. For one thing, the Danish actor had started out as a gymnast, then spent a decade as a dancer before quitting to study drama in 1996. He was already 31 at this point, but it didn’t take him long to make his mark – that same year, he appeared in the first of Nicolas Winding Refn’s acclaimed Pusher trilogy as a troubled heroin dealer, a role he reprised in 2004 to critical acclaim. In 2006, he broke out worldwide as eye-bleeding villain Le Chiffre in the Bond film Casino Royale. Later came The Hunt (2012) – a forthright and hauntingly nuanced portrait of a man falsely accused of child sexual abuse – and more mainstream fare, such as Marvel’s Doctor Strange, and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

And Arctic? It’s one of those sleeper hits that, much like a stone rolling down a steep snowy slope, has increasingly garnered acclaim from plaudits and audiences alike, long after its run in the cinema has ended. Much of this can be attributed to Mikkelsen, who is a riveting tour de force. It’s the type of film that sinks or swims based on the performance of one person. Mikkelsen hauls the film on his back and drags it along the ice to its very thrilling end. If anything, it very much resembles a certain A-List actor who goes by the moniker Leo and his performance in the harrowing The Revenant.

A Quiet Danish The 53-year-old has built a career on bringing gruff gravitas to smaller films, and a left-field sensibility – helped by his inscrutable face, all high cheekbones and distinctive pout – to mainstream ones. But today, he doesn’t want to talk about any of that. He is here to talk about Arctic. And only Arctic.

In fact, Mikkelsen won’t even roam into Arctic-adjacent territory. I mention a recent interview, in which he contested the idea that there’s a message about climate change wrapped up in the film’s stark survivalist narrative.

“That’s not what the film is about, that’s not the reason we made the film,” he says. “It’s a film about the difference between surviving and being alive. It’s a film about humanity.” Does he feel that in the current climate, both literally and politically speaking, people are increasingly seeing allegories that aren’t necessarily there? “I know exactly what you’re talking about, it’s The Guardian,” he says. “Of course that writer chose to make it what he wants, so I’m not making that mistake again. I’m talking about this film, and that’s it.”

So he doesn’t want to talk about anything else except the film? “No, because it always turns out to be the main message in the interview, and I’m not walking into that trap again.”

I can see why Mikkelsen is so cautious – that interview certainly contained some contentious quotes – though I find it hard to see how he was “trapped”. After all, surely nobody forced him to say: “Yeah, the climate is changing, but to what degree are we a part of it, and to what degree are we not and what to do about that is a big question. I mean the science is divided. Right now it seems like it’s not, but it is divided.” He went on to suggest that nuclear energy was a possible solution, “but nobody wants to have a talk about that”. When the interviewer brought up #MeToo, Mikkelsen said he was “reluctant to go there”, citing the response to a 2017 Matt Damon interview – in which he suggested that sexual misconduct allegations be treated on a “spectrum of behaviour” – as evidence that “this is not a healthy discussion any more”.

Does he feel he was misquoted? “Basically what I was trying to tell him is that when there is a conflict in the world, which there always is, and there is definitely now, the problem is the real lack of communication between the two sides. And it seems to be that nobody is really interested in having that conversation, and that communication. And that’s all I have to say about that subject.” I breeze past the mild irony in what he’s just said.

I had wanted to ask him his thoughts on the progress of diversity in Hollywood, given that he’s been involved in three major franchises – Bond, Star Wars and Marvel – all of which are having to confront historical deficiencies in that regard. “I have tons to say about that,” he says, “but not in this interview. I’m trying to sell a film that I’m immensely proud of, and I know that it will drown unless we just stick to the subject.”

Into The Wilderness Back to the film, then. Thankfully, it’s a very good one. Aside from the brief, startling appearance of a polar bear (“It was a so-called ‘semi-trained’ polar bear, and that little giveaway told us absolutely not to go anywhere near it”), Arctic is a two-hander. In fact, Mikkelsen’s Overgård spends the first third entirely alone. We observe him going through the motions of his daily ritual – catching fish, carving out “SOS” in huge letters in the snow, checking his radio transmitter for signs of life – though he seems to have given up hope of being found. “He’s just there, he’s existing,” says Mikkelsen. “He’s surviving, rather than being alive.”

In another interview, the Danish actor revealed that he walked for 12 to 13 hours every day for the film. “Just to get the amount of calories [for that] was impossible. So I just forgot to eat that much and got weaker and weaker from day one.” Much like how his character become more and more frail as the film progressed.

It was crucial to Mikkelsen that the movie not fall into the “flashback trap”. We learn very little about the protagonist, what his life was like before his helicopter crashed. “In the ’80s, we started doing flashbacks and then everyone fell in love with that,” says Mikkelsen. The way he sees it, almost every film these days uses that structure. Or, at least, has the lead character regaling another with the story of their past.

“It becomes a problem when we think it is a necessity, that we have to know that he has two blonde boys back home who are waiting for papa to come home. I mean, seriously, isn’t it heartbreaking enough? Do we really have to see these two kids crying back home? Can’t we just imagine how painful it is for everyone? I think that is the strength of this film, not to play the violins of emotions. And another thing, if we place him in a world that is very precise, it wouldn’t be me and you up there, it would be him, and we wanted it to be me and you in this situation. We wanted it to be a film about humanity and not a film about a specific person.”

If at first it is us and him, soon a third party enters the picture. When another helicopter crashes nearby, killing the pilot instantly, Overgård is given a reason to live. A young woman (María Thelma), the only other person in the helicopter, is badly injured but alive. Helping her survive becomes his only goal. “His humanity starts coming back to him,” says Mikkelsen. “He becomes, slowly, more and more alive.”

When Thelma turned up for her first day of filming, Mikkelsen was elated. “That was the happiest day on set when she came,” he said. “I had spent so much time alone at that point, I was going crazy. Having an actor to talk to and go through ideas with was just a gift from heaven. And obviously for the character himself, it was also the best day of his life. Even though what happened was a disaster, it was also a gigantic gift.”

An Atypical Arc I was a little worried, when we first meet the woman (we never properly learn her name), that the film was going to turn into a romance. “I had the exact same feeling reading the script,” chuckles Mikkelsen, newly convivial, clearly happy to be back on topic. “She appeared and I was like, ‘Uh oh, here we go!’ I was so pleased it didn’t happen. If they’d spent 10 years out there, maybe it would have gone a different way, but that’s not the situation here. It’s absolutely not the first thing on your mind when you’re in a situation like this one. So yes, I was as pleased as you.”

There are moments of intimacy between them, though. At one point, when Overgård is laying the unconscious woman out onto a makeshift bed in his helicopter, he holds on to her for a moment longer than is strictly necessary. “It’s one of my favourite moments in the film,” says Mikkelsen. “It just came out of that situation actually, I was trying to lay her down on that bed, and then I realised that he would… he’s been craving this intimacy, another human being hasn’t been here for so long, so he just did it. It’s so beautiful. Not until we released the film… there were a few people commenting on that moment, in this era, [suggesting] that that could have been mistaken, but we never thought about that. We just thought it was such a beautiful moment.”

It’s not just because he’s had his fingers burnt that Mikkelsen only wants to talk about this film. He is evidently chuffed with it – particularly how it conveys with only the sparsest of dialogue the very essence of humanity and our need for connection. “It takes two to tango, it takes two people to become human,” he says. “It’s very, very difficult to be a human being all by yourself. So that’s the story we wanted to tell. In many ways, she’s the one saving him.”

Arctic is not the only glacial title that Mikkelsen acted in this year. He was also the lead in the Netflix film Polar, which has nothing to do with ice in spite of its name. It’s a return to form for Mikkelsen, who had been somewhat in the shadows for the past two years. But in some respects, Mikkelsen has perhaps come to grips with the new world now. And is ready to demonstrate to the younger audience why he’s always been known as the actor’s actor.

by Farhan Shah

#Mads Mikkelsen #AUGUSTMAN SG #Magazines #The Arctic

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liveblogofheroes · 6 years ago

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Genesis, Chapter Six: Better Halves

i looked up at the tv as the menu thing was playing out only to see sylar for half a second and boy am i excited to see him

i’m just gonna fill you in on who did the previously on. for this chapter it was niki

okay but peter’s hair was so messy in that scene on the subway

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER SAVE THE WORLD

he IS the guy from the future

why would you do that claire that’s just stupid

you’re ready to meet your fake biological parents? fun!

oh boy oh boy look who it is it be d.l. (she says despite not seeing him yet)

there he be

idk if the theme scene thingy played but just in case i’m adding a read more lol

(i think it played but who knows ya know)

or iS IT

ding dong

d.l. be sneaking around

i like zach very much so

uh they can’t do what you can do but they are like you

i really like her bio dad

i--

that’s a light saber now a sword

“you don’t have to have powers to be a superhero” (i might’ve misquoted that) my mind immediately went to daredevil but then i was like “wait no” and then it went to jessica jones and once again i was like “wait no” and then my mind finally decided on oliver queen and clint barton. now i’m sad again because i miss emma but oh well ya know

it be them again

can i just bring up a pic of her actual biological dad and just put that in front of ‘hank’ the whole time

imma do that

fun maybe fact: the average annual salary is $50,000

(that may be wrong but i’m going by what someone said so don’t take that as the truth)

i would be very bad at that cuz idk how to play poker so i hope hiro knows how to play poker lol

same hiro

that’s their ship name i think...?

oh jeez that sounded painful

it be jessica

no he painted

why would you like. go around looking for people with powers. and then the one person who says they have powers you just. tear his hopes and dreams to pieces. just because he’s having trouble controlling his powers. i mean come on he just discovered them it’d take a while to learn how to control them don’t ya think?

no he’s kinda a heroin addict

i have no comment for that

9th wonders is great

i know your secret i know your secret~

ooh time to get that pic of her dad

nvm i’m just gonna look at he pic whenever hank’s on screen

oh boy this’ll be fun

he gone unlocked it

oh jeez

oh rip hank and whatever her name is

rip hank and lisa

so this is where that quote came from

it has been revealed

“that’s cool”

noah be suspicious

no don’t touch isaac fight me

I KNOW WHO IT IS

i doubt that it’s been a full minute but okay

wait oh my gosh i just realized i have those coloured buttons on my tv remote lol

oh boy how fun

HI JESSICA

not we-- you. you framed him

micaH KNOWS

no don’t go back to fix things that’ll just make a mess

i hate this scene every time i watch it. why would you throw away perfectly good cupcakes?

look at all that cash

niki’s wearing like the opposite of stage makeup. in drama we have to wear foundation a shade darker than our actual skin tone, and that goes to our neck, and niki’s wearing a shade lighter. it bugs me lol

that had gotta hurt

oh hey his secret has been revealed

WHAT is WITH that TATTOO

look at that

no eden get out

wait did i seriously not do deleted scenes last ep. oh boy imma do those here don’t mind me

hiros deleted scenes:

i just noticed that claire has one of her ears pierced twice

i was like “wait have we seen matt in this episode i haven’t tagged him” and then i remembered that this was for last episode lol

oh jeez

better halves deleted scenes:

there weren’t any lol

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distortquote · 7 years ago

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Cory: [about the house Topanga's babysitting at] You should have just said "it’s the house with the flying duck on the mailbox". Topanga: You really notice mailboxes, don’t you?

#boy meets world #bmw #source: sabrina the teenage witch #cory #topanga #misquote #disqoute

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circlecast · 2 years ago

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Why Men Need Men in Their Lives

NEWS

Operation Tears of the 22 is having its retreat for Veterans again this year. But instead of Byrds Adventure Center, They are having it at Adam Sandoval's Kriver Campgrounds. You can get your tickets for 4 days of fun and jeeping around. There are going to be bands in the evening and I will be there coaching everyone who wants it and some people who don't. So Sign up here!

Main topic

One of the biggest parts of having a fulfilling life is having that important network of masculine friends. The need to be able to meet and talk with other noble masculine men is often exactly what separates the men from the boys. Yet so many men don't have a close-knit set of friends. Those 3 a.m. people who you know if you called them at any time of the night, they would be in their pickup and heading your way.

There is some stats that say that around 15% of men don't have any close friends. While Men 30 years ago around half of the men had 6 or more friends while now the average is about 27% that have 6 or more friends

In today's society when men get married they often drop their friends for their family. It almost seems like this is how it goes and some men will wrongly state that this is even in the bible. Which is a misquote. It is talking about men will leave their parents and turn to their wives for the family. It doesn't mean they abandon their friends.

When a man is married this is a bigger reason that they have a group of men with who they can turn, and share their life. These masculine friends are the foundation for men to have healthy masculine lives. Yet in today's society, it is not happening. So why do men need other men as friends and confidants?

Spreads the pain

Men take on a lot. They have the pressure of work and the pressure of family and trying to make sure that everyone is attended to while also bringing home meat for the family. Women in today's society are just now really starting to understand what it takes to be a man and why men come home stressed. What pressure of the working world is actually like. Not saying they can't handle it but there are advantages to being able to stay home with their kids.

So with all those times that suffering comes along, it is good for men to have other men in their lives. That is because men are able to process pain and negativity in a completely different way than what women do. We can take on more and we often see ourselves as being noble for sacrificing our health for our families. The problem is that if you don't dump the weight it does cause problems. This is why s many men turn to alcohol and drugs. to deaden the pressure that they feel. They turn to these substances because they don't realize that yes men can handle all that negativity but it is better when you let other strong noble masculine men help shoulder the load.

Men are meant to take on the negative painful events from those around them yet. We then turn around and deny our friends the opportunity to do what we do best. Help our brothers who need that positive lift. A good way to look at this is to try to lift a car by yourself is next to impossible, unless it is a smart car and you are Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson. Yet if you take 10 men they can lift and move a car with greater ease.

This goes for your suffering and personal and professional pressures. Talk to your band of brothers and let them know that your wife is being distant. That you just got let go of your job and you don't know what to do. These times that you are suffering are the times you need your male friends. These masculine men are up for the challenge and can take the negative energy from you and spread that weight out amongst themselves and replace it with positive energy. That way you can share that positivity with your wife and kids.

Beacon of positive light

Speaking of positive light, men you are the beacon of positivity for your family. When you are positive and light the family knows that their world is good. When you are dour and negative your family responds to that. You aren't helping them live you are just spreading out the suffering to those who you are supposed to protect.

This is why you give the negative to your close friends and they give you light. While you do the same for them. You and your friends can then return to each family and spread that light.

Learn to be more masculine

This is a tough one for the nice guys in the world. The nice guy often works very hard to be seen in the positive for the women in his life. that could be the teachers in school to their moms and their wife.

Because men see through bull very easily and often will call out another crap. This is something Nice guys want to avoid. The emotional response isn't as easily controlled in men. So nice guys work very hard to avoid men so that they can manipulate the women who they see as easier. Nice guys don't realize that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.

Nice guys are afraid of masculinity and this is why so many are "feminists" and cry toxic masculinity when they see men being real men. Yet they desperately want what those men have. The only way you can become more masculine isn't by claiming you're an alpha and calling other males betas. No, you have to go and hang around other masculine men.

Better mental health

Now I have pointed at this a couple of times in this podcast episode but let's just finally say it outright. Men need other men in their lives for their own mental health's sake. Because you are able to share the pressures of your life with other men. You are able to relieve yourself of many mental problems. You also have the pleasure and satisfaction of being able to help those who are close to you.

These men also push you to better yourself and encourage you to be in the pursuit of your purpose. Yeah, they may not agree with how you go at it but that is just fine. Because they know you will succeed. Men, you need other men in your life. For your health and happiness.

Your wife isn't going to provide you with that happiness and fulfillment. She will do her part in it but when you are missing a critical part you are putting undue pressure on her. Want a better marriage then get some male friends.

Want help finding your band of brothers?

I can coach you

Join our Brotherhood of Men group

Newest podcast episode to change your Mindset

#Mindset Anxiety RelaxedMale

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surviveatitlan · 7 years ago

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Rites of Passage

The final three reflect on their time in the game and the people who helped them get here.

Madison

Alex, We were never on a tribe together so I don’t have much to say other than you seem like a great person and I wish we had a chance to play together in this game.

Dan

I literally made a confessional praying you would be first boot! OOPS.

Sammy

so yikes...honestly i was surprised to see you go so soon, but I was also nervous to be in another game with you tbh heheh. Anway you are so talented and are a great person to talk to because you can typically keep a convo going. I hope you had some fun in this game and I hope you are doing well in general too!

Madison

MY HIGH PRIESTESS WITCH BITCH! I hope I’ve done you proud by being the only woman to make it to FTC. I dedicate this accomplishment to the Coven of Nightshade.

Sammy

ugg I wanted to work with you so bad I just remember we kind of got put up against each other! you are such great person and never fail to liven up the party. Also I remember the caterpillar thing from the music video and I legit died.

Dan

Sorry your hex didn't work xoxo.

Madison

Yike everyone wanted you gone so fast I didn’t have much choice in you leaving. You were robbed and I’m really sorry.

Sammy

you were one of my favorites in the beginning of the game because you had so much energy and spirit that was really contagious. You crushed the music video challenge and you were just so outgoing as well. Good luck in other games and hope I get to work with you again! Thanks for having my back:)

Dan

When will you learn that your actions have consequences?

Madison

We were never on a tribe together but you’re an icon!!!

Sammy

we didn't get the chance to talk that much. I know you were super busy at the start of this game, and I think if you would've had more time you would have went pretty far in this game! Hope everything is well!

Dan

Idk her ):

Madison

You were so nice! I never felt like we really connected too much during the game, but you’re such a nice person I’m sure you would’ve killed it if you hadnt been such an early boot.

Sammy

When you were voted off I was so sad because you were another person I was wanting to work with more and I felt like our friendship was cut short. From the short amount of time you were here, you definitely made several connections and were super likeable! Hope you had fun and hope to see you around!!

Dan

Allan, you really came for me huh! I know it's not personal and you were trying to save yourself. Thanks for making our original tribe fun and giving it your all!

Madison

You pissed so many people off SO FAST!!! I honestly felt bad bc you went from neutral and likely to float for a while to BRIAN MUST GO NOW!!! It’s kind of impressive tbh.

Sammy

So sad that you didn't get further but you definitely made your mark on this game. You also were not afraid to shake this game up and were upfront with people. Be proud of your game and I hope to see you in other games around!!

Dan

Brian, I wish we could have connected more. You gave me some good laughs!

Madison

I LOVE YOU BITCH! I AINT NEVER GON STOP LOVING YOU BITCH! You were fucking robbed and I’m still mad about it. I made it to the end to avenge you and I hope I did you proud girl. Viva la Rebecka!

Sammy

I am so so upset that we didn't really get a chance to play this game together. I have heard several great things about you and I know all of them are true! I really hope I can play a game with you in the future and I am so glad I got to meet you:)

Dan

Beckka, you have become one of my best friends in life and in games. I am so thankful to have you in my life because I know I can always talk to you without judgement. You have a heart of gold and deserve the world. I wanted nothing more than to be sitting here at the end with you again like we did in Circle. I will never in my life meet someone as genuine, caring, and kind as you. I literally cried when these people turned fake and yoinked you on out of here. https://im-01.gifer.com/S6dx.gif

Madison

WOW ANOTHER KING! I wanted to work with you SO. BAD. but I knew you were playing the middle™️ hard and that was SO scary. You’re a lipsync king and I’m so glad we finally got to play together. Again, I hope you don’t hate me, because I love you so much as a person. You’re just such a threat in these games ahfjdjdj!!! Love you!

Sammy

ahh okay so from the first time we spoke I automatically clicked with you and I watched your intro and you were so kind and have positive vibes and this game was so much fun with you! Once we got split up a bunch of drama unfolded but no hard feelings, and I hope you are doing AMAZING!

Dan

Tim, I was so sad to see you go! You're someone I would really like to get to know better. Thank you so much for leaking your alliance to Emily because without that info, I definitely don't think I would be here rn. You were just such a genuinely nice person and I hope we can play a game together again soon!

Madison

A KING! Your vote was also TRAGIC! I can’t say I was too upset at the time because it was you or me (you SNEK!) but I love you so much. I’m glad we got to work together for a couple votes (finally!) but sad it didn’t work out for us to make merge together. You’re an icon, I love you, I hope you don’t hate me ahdjdjdj.

Sammy

so we didn't get the chance to play much game together...but I know you are such a great person and you have such a great personality that makes these games so much better. I hope we get to see each other in future games or current ones heheheh

Dan

Timmy, we literally know each other irl and we refuse to work together. It's like exhausting tbh, like we should just not apply to the same games.

Madison

Hm who were you again? Ahfjdjdnd jkjk you know I literally love you to the moon and back you’re a queen. I’m so MAD you got voted out when you did! I think your vote was the only time I was truly blindsided in this game. we were finally gonna get to work together in a game, and that’s the biggest robbery. I also know if you’d stayed in the game it’d be a wholeeee lot different, and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here. You’re one of the best players I know, so I’m honored to have been able to play with you again. And hey thanks for getting me into this ORG mess otherwise I wouldn’t be here! Anyway I love you and you’re an icon. Nakabanana.

Sammy

ahh okay so like I love you as a person and even as a player. When I entered this game and saw you were casted, I was so nervous because I know you have this natural ability to make people trust you and want to work with you. There were several times where I also felt like you and I were able to put the game aside and just about our personal lives. You are so so so so iconic.

Dan

EMILY. I LITERALLY KNEW THE SECOND YOU LEFT THAT I NEEDED TO SLAY FOR YOU. Wow, literally this story arc is unreal. From literally lying to each other through our teeth in Mongolia to working so closely and honestly in this game I have gotten to know you as a human being and a player, and I love both. As cunning as people think you are, you're so sweet and offered me such an amazing ally, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you for not throwing comps with me at the second swap <3 I couldn't be here without you.

Madison

It’s essentially my fault that you’re out of the game, but HOLY SHIT YOU WERE ROBBED. You were another person I never imagined not making it to f3, but again I think that’s why you didn’t. You were RUNNING that majority alliance and you were killing it. I respect your game so much but I knew if you were in this game much longer, I wouldn’t be. I hate we never got to work together (I guess Atomic is cursed for us), but hopefully we can stay friends after this because you’re such an icon.

Sammy

so we def went through every situation in this game and we just always had each other's back. You have this ability to make people comfortable with you and you are so kind. One things I respect about your game is that you are able to separate emotions/relationships from these games, which is super hard to do so props!

Dan

Olivia, wow were you the person I was scared of most in this game. You are so sweet and so cunning. I wish I could be like that haha I usually just come off looking like a dick. You were running this show and if you hadn't been stopped by Tim's loose lips, you could have made it all the way. I respect your hard gameplay so much and I wish I could have made a majority alliance that lasted for a while pre-jury. I'm sorry I flipped on the Misfits, but you were such a powerful force in this game and after taking out Emily, I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore.

Madison

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMFG. You’re truly the sweetest most genuine person I’ve met playing these games, and while we never managed to work on the same side during this game, I’m so glad I got to play with you. I don’t even know how to express how much I respect and adore you, but it’s a wholeeee lot. I also still have the video of you misquoting the “I never fucking learned how to read” vine.

Sammy

wow, you literally blew my mind away with your personality. You didn't take anything in this game personal and you had such a general interest in people,like Francie, that set you apart from the rest of the group. I hope you are proud of the way you played and I am so proud of you for beating your placement EEK! Thank you for being so genuine with me and just looking out for me!

Dan

ANNMARIE MY FALLEN QUEEN. Voting you out was one of the most depressing things to occur in this game. You were also someone I didn't work with too closely, but you were so kind and good hearted. I think all of your goodbye messages (except yours you shady lady) all speak to the person you are and how much it hurt to see you go. I can't wait to see you play more games and grow in this community <3

Madison

Oh boy here we go. Out of all the mess of this game, you were BY FAR the hardest vote for me, mostly because I know how much it hurt you. Not being able to talk to you and explain anything or just let you yell at me has been the worst part, because I still consider you one of my best friends in this community. I have my side and my reasons and my explanation, but none of that is relevant in comparison to my apology for hurting you. We both know I’m a snake, I’m a fake, my game is opaque, but it’s never my intention to make anything personal or to make you hate me. I truly am so sorry Bryan. I really hope you’ll be willing to talk to me after the game, because I love you so much.

Sammy

AHHH okay so you were literally one of the funniest people in this game and you always knew how to make people laugh when we were going through stressful times. You were never afraid to call people out and you weren't afraid to shake the game up. We both were after each other quite a few times but we still managed to get along haha, and I remember us automatically clicking bc of SAM BUSSY

Dan

BRYAN! I watched you play the last season of circle and be such a strong competitor physically and you didn't let me down playing with you. You popping off at tribal was one of my favorite moments of the season even though it was very calm and I didn't even get snatched that hard. You aren't afraid to say what everyone is thinking and that's such a valuable trait to possess. You going when you did mad me so sad, but I was just so worried that you'd kill the end game. Only respect for the game that you played and the mark you left on my game <3

Madison

MORE ROYALTY!! My showmance, the love of my life. Another super hard vote whew. I felt like even though we were sort of on opposite sides, we still managed to work together when we could, and our communication skills were iconic! I love you so much! I hope we can stay close after this game, because it’s honestly sucked not being able to talk to you.

Sammy

ahh, we were with each other since day one and you were just super outgoing and like you just seemed genuinely interested in people's lives rather than the game. It was refreshing to play a game with you just because we are able to put the game aside and just talk about life. Thank you for that!

Dan

Francie, another game in the books and we still haven't ever even worked together?? How screwed up is that haha. I wanted to get to know you so bad, but in a lot of ways I think we're very similar. We really pride ourselves in academia and making sure our personal lives are secure before these games, and that is something I respect a lot. I hope that someday soon we can talk Star Trek and just have a normal non-game convo, because the more personal convos with you are what I really valued through this experience!

Madison

Another queen!! y’all really aren’t making this easy huh? You know I love you. You were one of the hardest votes for me (although there were many) just because I love you so much as a person. As I said in my goodbye to you, I hope we stay friends for so long after this game because I love you so much. This game was the Isle of Skye we never had.

Sammy

so this was my first time meeting you and you have one of the brightest personalities I have ever came across! You never made a single person mad at you. No matter what happened to you, it seemed like you were always smiling and you were the light of the group. Thank you for adding such a bright ray of sunshine into this game and I hope you are killing it in your other games!

Dan

Heatherrrr <3 I was so sad that we never got on a pre-merge tribe together and only chit chatted briefly in the one world twist. Your fire and passion for this game did not go unnoticed. I could tell you were smart, daring, and willing to do what it took to get to the end in this game and I respect that so much. I hate that it came down to a "you or me" kind of situation with my idol, but I was truly thankful to have played on the same side as you when we hit merge.

Madison

Wow another queen who knew?! I NEVER imagined a f3 without you in it, and the fact you’re not here is honestly a robbery, but I think that’s why you’re not. If I had gone when you did I’d basically have no choice but to give you my vote because you played an INCREDIBLE game. I have nothing but respect for you and I’m so glad we had the chance to bond not only as players, but as people.

Sammy

we definitely went on an emotional roller coaster together, but no matter what you should be so proud of your game because you gave so many people motivation to keep fighting. You never gave up, even when you knew it could be your last day...you fought till you couldn't fight anymore. Thank you for adding so many great qualities to this game. This game would not have been the same without you and you are one of the most memorable for sure.

Dan

Jayyyyyyy, my fellow snake. To say that our relationship was complicated would be the understatement of the century. Our self deprecating out look on life brought us together and I was really thankful for the kindness you showed me in this game. You were such a strong competitor and in my mind there was not a scenario I could have thought of where you wouldn't have been in the ftc. It broke my heart more than you know seeing you go, and I understand and animosity. We slithered together in this game and when times were good, they were some of the best times I've ever had in these games. Love you so so much. <3

Madison

Autumn holy shit my queen. Your sacrifice is literally the reason I’m here right now and I don’t think I could thank you enough. I have no words to describe how NICE it’s been not being against each other all game. Even though we were on opposite sides, you were SO loyal to me (and I was loyal to you too! what a concept!), and I’m so grateful for that. You masterminded this f3 and got us all here. I love you so much.

Sammy

From the moment I saw we were in this game together I was so excited because I always wanted to play a game with you. We definitely were not together with votes several times but at the end of the day we always had each other. You are literally so perfect and have one of the sweetest personalities. Never change! Thank you for being a helping hand when I needed it and thanks for helping me shake the game up! YOU ARE ICONIC

Dan

Autumn, my selfless queen. After hearing about you for so long, I was so excited to get to know you! While we never worked super closely together, when we did talk, you made me laugh, smile, and just were a breath of fresh air. There needs to be more people like you in this community because you always met me with such kindness and respect, even if you did write my name down like every tribal council :P Thank you again for being a class act, I've loved getting to know you and I hope we can talk more once the season is over!

From me to all of 20 of you, thank you for playing what has proven to be the best season of Atomic Survivor yet. Tomorrow night, starting at 10pm, the finalists will plead their cases to the jury, and the follow night, our winner will be revealed. I am so proud of each and every one of you and am so glad I have had the honor of hosting each of you fantastic individuals.

#rites of passage #lakeofbrokendreams

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