#boy howdy do things um. get worse

[jamiesfootball]

I feel greedy asking for more when you’ve already posted so many snippets, but if you’re okay with it…🌧️

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

The pasta hit the water with a satisfying sizzle. Even though it'd been two years since Roy had been personally victimized by a meal plan, the novelty of eating pasta was one he'd learned to treasure. He turned down the heat. As the bubbles dispersed, the sound of Jamie's voice again picked up from the living room, where from the sound of it Matilda's parents owned quite a nice house. Roy snorted as Jamie pitched his voice higher. He was really going for it now, trying to sell the dialogue of the little girl and landing somewhere in the vicinity of Rebecca Welton with a sore throat: "'I don't see how sawdust can help you to sell second-hand cars, Daddy.'" The next voice was gruff, sloped lower as if it were stolen from Roy's own vocal chords, "'That's because-'" The voice ground to a halt. Roy opened his eyes curiously. Before him, the water simmered in a contented roil. From the living room, the rustling of someone adjusting themselves on the couch. Jamie cleared his throat, and it was uncomfortable, strangled sound. "You alright there, Phoebe?" "I'm fine," Phoebe answered. A question mark lingered under her words. "We can keep going." "Right. Right," Jamie agreed. He cleared his throat again. Coughed. When he picked back up, his voice was flat and matter-of-fact: "'That's because you're an ignorant little twit.'" He stopped again, or Roy thought he did. It was hard to tell over the sudden ringing in his ears. "Matilda's dad's a bit of a prick, ain't he, Phoebe?" "He's awful," Phoebe agreed eagerly. "Didn't you see the movie?"

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[saturn-sends-hugs]

You ever just get absolutely steam rolled by life cause BOY HOWDY I SURE DO, so anyway—

HI!! I’m back if u noticed I left, but if not, i’m back anyway lol :D

(longer explanation under the cut if u want it?)

I didn’t really plan to just disappear like that but uh life said “Wanna know what it feels like to get run through a paper shredder?” and somehow my very firm no was taken the COMPLETE opposite direction and now I’m here

Basically, as far as fandom stuff goes I’ve been doing my best to keep working. I know where the next chapter of the fic is going, I have the scenes in my head and I just need to get them on the page hhhgshshshsghshssh.

I’ve got a couple one shots that hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I can finish at some point cause I’m really excited about those!!! There’s just a few semi-fluffy things (semi because I’ve been having WAY too many Fives feelings recently) and a very chill batch scene I’ve had in my head since Echo left with Rex (but it actually is fluff!! I promise!! …mostly but Echo is a little shit and i love him so much). Although there’s one that’s definitely… um very, very heavy. Cause writing is a coping mechanism and so is the angst 🫠. (and no @gentle-hero-blog I am absolutely not writing the finale “fix-it” where i just make it woRSE. THEY WOULD HAVE MY HEAD HERO THE ANGST IS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY BSKSHJSHSKSJSK)

I’ve also got some little artworks and headcanon things lined up so basically I’m just trying to start existing on here again 😅

But yeah, I’m back! And I’d say I’m doing better but let’s just say this is a step in the right direction at least :)))

And well if anyone was wondering what was up, short answer is I don’t deal with stress well and that’s just great cause pretty much everything stresses me out

Long answer: School decided to give me, genuinely, ten projects to complete in the next 26 days all for different subjects but it’s FINE cause they’re grouping six of those together and calling them just one project :) Also it’s finals season and my teachers are assuming WAY too much of silly little people pleaser me and also— MATH. Literally just math GOD WHY and I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster hurtling like 300 feet deep in the ocean.

I am disintegrating.

Anyway how was y’all’s May the 4th 🫠🫠

[blueookashi]

howdy i would like to hear some blue ramblesヾ(•ω•`)o 44 for the Boy, and/or Bullet!! 20 the Boy (or Blue if its spoilers!) 6 Bullet 33 roseberry? just really curious about this one 👀

!!!!! *zooms on over* HENLO!! :D

44- How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

HMM for the Boy it is pretty hard for him to say "I love you," and when he does, he usually doesn't mean it. Like, he'll say it because he "has to" rather than wanting to. He hardly says it all, in fact, he somewhat avoids it. Like even when confessing to Bullet, my Boy stepped around "I love you" and more of just "well um I kinda um see you more than a friend?" which basically ended with Bullet being like "like best friends!? :D" so that was a time for the Boy KLAGJDSJK BUT ANYWAYS YEAYEA for the Boy it's quite difficult to say "I love you," he avoids it the best he can, and he can absolutely say it without meaning it.

BULLET ON THE OTHER HAND... I feel like he says it too much KLGJDS like he will say it and mean it! But he's kinda over-used it to where it's "lost its meaning" to other people. Again though, he absolutely means it! And can he say it without meaning it?? Hmmm... Honestly, probably not! If he doesn't mean it, I don't think he'd say it tbh! But Bullet is super appreciative of pretty much everything, there is no hate in this lil guy's heart.

Well, Bullet CAN hate but like, you're going to have to push him very very far to get him to hate you!

20- In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

OH BOY, I can try to answer this one as best I can! I'll have to be a bit vague on some parts ;KGDJ BUT yes the Boy absolutely, and constantly, compares himself to others. Like, without saying too much, he does explore his world a lot differently than the people around him. There are things he cannot do! But the people around him can! And this isn't just for one thing, but for multiple things. His experiences are drastically different than the people around him. He's frustrated, he's sad, he's going through a time. And once like Bullet comes in, it just confuses the Boy? Like here is a person who is quite similar to him, maybe not exact, but just someone who most likely experiences the same things as him. Yet Bullet is way more outgoing, energetic, and happy while the Boy is just in constant emotional distress. As much as this opens his eyes, the Boy is still very confused about it!

AS FOR BLUE... Blue struggles with a lot, but I know of one big comparison she constantly does. So, Blue is constantly stressed, she's always on edge and flinches at every noise. She can't even relax because she feels like she needs to be aware of her surroundings at all time, and because of her constant tension and paranoia, she can get irritated and snappy. If her irritation hurts someone close to her, Blue does apologize, but for a looooong time Blue will compare herself to her abuser. That is the BIGGEST comparison Blue constantly does to herself, that if her anger hurts someone then she is "just like HER" and that is very far from the truth. Even if Blue DOESN'T hurt anyone she cares about, she will STILL make the same comparison, that in some way she's just as bad as Her. It's a bad habit that sadly gets a little worse when she's actually in a relationship with Grey. It's already quite stressful to go from one really bad relationship into what could be "potentially" another. And like, the Bitch (the abuser) actually manipulated Blue into thinking she's completely a bad person? So that genuinely adds into the comparison as well. Grey (my beloved) is patient tho and I hecking love her for that <3

6- Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

HMMMMM for Bullet, somewhat! D;GLKJG There are some really really interesting ones, but most of the time Bullet's dreams are just him being a lil silly, hanging out with friends, running through the meadow, like he's just a silly lil guy AKGJ; BUT, and I cannot go too deep into this BUT, sometimes there is just a rat. Sometimes it sits nearby watching him, other times it approaches him and talks to him. What does it say to him? Well, wouldn't you like to know weather boy

33- In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

OH GODS KLJ;GK IT REALLY DEPENDS WITH ROSEBERRY OK, so like, Roseberry is a tracking leader and has the responsibilities of well, taking care of a whole group, tracking down a wolf, settling disagreements or fights within her group, figuring out the times when her group goes out, and just etc. I could go on forever with that KLGDAJ and for Roseberry! I think she's very open to criticism, but it really depends on where this criticism is coming from! Like, there are definitely some areas where she feels like she needs to improve and she'll listen to criticism for it! However, there are people who criticize her EVERY move, and thats usually when she gets defensive. ESPECIALLY if its someone who she knows doesn't like her, then its like "are you helping me? Or trying to piss me off?" But like, even if the person who she doesn't like (and they don't like her) brings out "justified" criticism, she'll still get defensive because its coming from one of THOSE people. She doesn't want to show "weakness" or "flaws" in front of those people, so she'll absolutely get defensive. Lots of fights happen, she's gotta be intimidating! BUT YEAYEA when someone nice or familiar criticizes her, she absolutely does listen and put thought to it. So, she is willing to learn! Just unless it's from a piece of shit K;GJLD

holy hell I went off KJ;VGSDL so much oc lore! THIS WAS FUN!! :D Absolutely love thinking about and sharin the ocs!! AKGDJ If anyone else is reading this you can also ask things if you'd like! :D Here are the questions but honestly, if theres something specific you want to know I don't mind that either KJGD like go off, I don't mind KJD;G I'll try to answer things best I can! :D

[absolutepokemontrash]

ayo!! congrats on 666 <33 I'm not sure if its much of a request but I love how you wrote the demon kids personalities! I was wondering what kids of personalities you would see the other brothers kids having? Hypothetically of course (unless 👀)

BRO- I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while! Fan kids are fun to think about, what can I say? Now, these kids aren’t canon to the Awfully Familiar series, the HOL is crowded enough as is… but I hope you enjoy anyways!

(I’m giving all the kids names just so no one gets confused with which kid is whose)

Levi’s Kid

Uh let’s use probability to figure out how rare children of our snek boy are. The Otaku left the house (unlikely), spoke to a human being (very unlikely), did the devil’s tango with them (impossible)

I’m kidding, but seriously what the fuck why did this human exchange student look so much like Levi? Was that a tail? Hehehe… what a weird practical joke…

(I’m calling this MC Percy. Three guesses as to why)

Okay, onto the kiddo’s personality. I’m picturing them being REALLY hyped and REALLY enthusiastic about their hobbies and isn’t afraid to yammer about them. They’re good at what they do and they’re damn proud of it! They turn their envy into *~inspiration~* and get better at the things they enjoy doing!

In all fairness to Levi, it’s a bit easier for his kid because Percy isn’t literally being eaten alive and consumed by this sin every waking moment of his life… perks of being half human! :D

Percy loves swimming, and the ocean, and fish, and they brought a shark back from the beach- wait hang on a second-

It’s not uncommon for Levi to be hardcore gaming while Percy swims around in the fish tank.

The pair of them have a very good relationship, Percy is kind of Levi’s hero with how eager they are to get better at the things they love doing and how they almost never self pity spiral. The one issue is… ugh… Percy is a 🤢…. Sorry. Percy’s a 🤢 🤢-

They’re A FUCKING NORMIE. THEY DON’T LIKE ANIME!

Other than that, the two get along swimmingly. (Ba dum tisssss)

Percy’s reaction to Levi’s cool military titles is basically “WOAH! YOU HAVE BOATS?! CAN I GO ON ONE?!” And Levi would be a monster to decline.

Percy wore a pirate hat despite Levi telling them numerous times that they were a part of the navy, they CATCH pirates. Which are apparently still a big problem in the Devildom…

Also, Percy and Lotan absolutely adore each other. It makes Levi very happy

Satan’s Kid

Satan’s a pretty charming guy, and it’s canon that he’s amazing at seductive speech craft so it’s no surprise that he was able to seduce a human.

You know what is a surprise? The fact that Satan, the smart one, didn’t think to use protection! Like- DUDE I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU.

Whatever, anyway, when this kid slammed onto the floor of the assembly hall no one had time to react when the kid suddenly grew horns… and fangs… and a tail… OH FUCK THE KID WAS GOING THROUGH THEIR FIRST TRANSFORMATION WHAT THE FUCK-

(For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to call this kid Lyssa, mainly because of the meaning of the name)

The first thing Lyssa did was launch themselves straight at the first person they saw, and I ask you to guess exactly who sits in the middle seat of the assembly hall. That’s right… Satan… yay…

This kid nearly clawed his face off in the span of two seconds and it took Lucifer and Beel working together to drag them off of him and then Asmo had to step in to use his powers to calm them down. Well. That was eventful.

So Lyssa has a volcanic temper and they’re honestly really bitter and upset at everything, which is something that’s supposed to come in adult life, not so early. So what’s up with this kid? Well, when you’re born with a burning rage deep inside you that can be set off at even the slightest inconvenience and because of that everyone around you immediately assumes you’re dangerous or crazy can really do some damage to a kid.

So who oh who is Lyssa going to blame for this…? Hmmm… who is responsible for the anger? *Side eyes Satan*

“Wow, this kid is blaming me for passing down my wrath even though I couldn’t control giving it to them and if I had the choice I would have made sure they wouldn’t have to live with it and they’re mad at me for subjecting them to existence itself… wow this feels so bad :( who would treat someone like this..?” “*Dad sigh*”

The two of them do eventually get along. It’s actually Satan who extends the olive branch and offers to help them control their anger. As the two spend time together, Lyssa’s intense hatred slowly subsides.

So… what’s Lyssa going to do now? They’ve spent so much of their life being defined by their anger… who the fuck are they????? U-uh… cats! Cats! Lyssa likes cats! Is liking cats a personality? No? Okay… um… Music! Music is relaxing! Lyssa likes music! Um… um… ooo- look at that! They like space! And stars!

You knew what they don’t like? School. Lyssa doesn’t like learning in a controlled environment where they’re being told what to learn. Leave them alone so they can go read about space.

Beelzebub’s kid(s)

*munch* *munch* *chew* *chomp* huh, *chomp* why does the takeout- I mean the human look so much like him…? They’re his kid..? *choke* *cough* *cough* …Huh. Want some chips?

Surprisingly chill first meeting. Well, Beel and the kid were chill, everyone else was freaking the fuck out.

I’m calling this kid Pepper. Why? Fucking guess.

Pepper themselves is just… chill. They’re sort of like a capybara, their vibes are just so immaculate that everyone wants to hang out around them.

Unlike Beel, Pepper’s penchant for food mainly comes from “food is good.” instead of “my body is literally eating itself alive every second of the day and I need to be eating something at almost all times in order to stave off a rampage.” Beel is very happy that his kid doesn’t have to live with food constantly on the brain.

All was well until three days into the exchange program when Pepper asked at the dinner table “so when are we bringing my twin down here?”

…twin genes man… twin genes…

Second kid, I’m calling them Cane. (CANE PEPPER, GET IT?! GET IT?!) this kid is less like a capybara and more like a honey badger. They don’t give a shit.

Here’s the thing though… they’re identical twins.

Cane is basically Beel but smaller. They follow Beel to the gym and usually get stopped at the door. “Kids aren’t allowed in the gym.” Ha, the rules don’t apply to Cane, they just cross their arms and raise their eyebrows and whoever is stopping them just steps aside. Don’t fuck with the honey badger kid.

Pepper and Cane are super close though, but don’t ask if they have a telepathic link or something, Cane will fuck you up and Pepper won’t be able to stop them. (I know a pair of identical twins, and the amount of times they’ve been asked if they can read each other’s minds is enough to make anyone homicidal)

Belphegor’s kid

*squints* how’d this happen..?

Whatever. When Belphie’s kid woke up on the floor of the assembly hall everyone took one look at this kid and collectively went “shitballs”

Belphie was in the attic and his kid was wandering around the house like they ran the place! What the fuuuuuuuuck was Lucifer supposed to do with this????

Anyway, meet Arien.

Arien, how does one describe this little hellspawn? Well, one would call them the brood of Lucifer or the spawn of Satan but that would be false because this manipulative evil devil-child that crawled straight out of a teacher’s nightmares is BELPHIE’S kid. And it fucking SHOWS.

This kid won the demon/human genetic lottery and they’re going to make it everyone’s problem. Basically, they’re sin is sloth, but unlike Belphie, Arien’s is more voluntary, if that makes sense. They sleep and slack off because they like not doing work, not because they’re always tired. They have this sort of lazy relaxed facade that vanishes the second it’s not needed, it’s honestly kind of terrifying.

They quickly learn that if they just pretend to be having troubles with being constantly tired, the rest of the house will go easy on them if they miss their chores and schoolwork.

Jeez Louise when this kid met Belphie…

They both just stared at each other for a solid five minutes before anyone said anything. Belphie somewhat nervously started up his “oh woe is me get me out of here :(“ charade, and the kid played along for a few weeks, until of course, they got suspicious.

You remember how Belphie guilt spiralled with L!MC? Yeah imagine that but 40 times worse, and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

But yeah, blah blah blah Arien breaks Belphie out, they don’t die, family’s back together, happily ever after. But not quite. Arien’s “oh no I’m sorry I’m sleepy…” charade was found out and boy howdy was everyone pissed.

Surprisingly, it was Belphie who gave Arien the wake up thwack, but Arien called Belphie out on his laziness so Belphie was forced to become a better example.

The way they fixed Ari’s behaviour? Extra chores, extra schoolwork, extra everything, and the boys did nothing to help. Basically, “this is how we felt! Deal with it!”

It worked… thankfully.

[theabandonmentissues]

EPISODE ONE TRANSCRIPT

Warning: The following podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Trespassing is not only illegal, but often incredibly dangerous. The hosts do not condone any activities that could put their listeners in harms way, and encourage you to proceed with caution and do your research before exploring the unknown. We cannot be held liable for any accidents, injury, or hauntings that may occur. Listener discretion is advised. 

(full transcript under the cut.)

E:Alright I think this is right.

Z: Is it?

E: Yeah, yeah that's right, okay.

Z: Beautiful.

E: Let me find this tweet. The first thing in my drafts, is (laughs)-

Z: I'm scared.

E: (laughs)...I remember typing this out at like 2 o'clock in the morning when I had to be up for work at five. I put, “I love not learning new pop culture terms. Love being blissfully unaware. I still am not sure what poggers means. I do not care. I am free.”

Z: (laughs)

E: And I was so tired I thought that was profound. Let's see.

Z: (continues laughing)

E & Z: (laugh)

Z: Damn. That's like our declaration of independence.

E: (laughs) I'm going to print that out on the wall.

Z: That's Gen Z's declaration.

E: Let's see, where is it? There's one about Jack Black being sexy.

Z: Yeah, and it's in the drafts, why?

E: (laughs) This one says, this one all it says, no capitalization, no punctuation is, “I want Ellen Ripley to knock me out cold.”

E: (laughs)

Z: (laughs)

E: And I live by that.

Z: That's your truth and you should speak it.

E: Okay, here it is. “Sometimes, facing your fears means letting out that earth-shattering fart in the public restroom, even if there are other occupants. Speak loud, even when your voice shakes, babes.”

Z: (laughs) Shut the fuck up.

E: (laughs)

Z: No!

E: Yeah, that one...uh, that one is in the drafts. Alright, well. You asked about an intro, and I had something that was work shopping.

Z: Oooooo...

E: Do you wanna hear it?

Z: Yes, please. Please, please.

E: Alright. Hello, welcome to The Abandonment Issues, a periodical podcast about the past, the paranormal, and the just plain perplexing. I'm your host, Em.

Z: And I'm Zack.

E: How'd you feel-

Z: The other host. (laughs)

E: How'd you feel about that alliteration?

Z: You know I love alliteration.

E: I do too, I got really excited about it.

Z: (laughs)

E: I was like dead asleep, well, I wasn't dead asleep. I was very close to being though.

Z: Right.

E: And I had that thought, and I was like “Fuck, I gotta wake up and type that.” So...

Z: It was worth it though.

E: Thank you.

Z: I like it.

E: I don't know if that'll stick, but I think-

Z: I don't know, it's a start

E: It's a good start. Yeah.

Z: Yeah. Well..

E: So.

Z: Howdy doody, how ya doing.

E: Oh god, well um, I just whacked my headphones against my mic and I think it's still vibrating. But otherwise, I'm doing great.

Z: (laughs) Well, that's good.

E: How ya been?

Z: I mean, I've been alright.

E: That's good.

Z: We haven't seen each other, I mean, we haven't like recorded-recorded in two weeks?

E: Yeah.

Z: It's been like two weeks, so.

E: Yeah, I think so.

Z: It's been a second, but yeah.

E: Oh?

Z: So.

E: This is our first official, like official recording, the other ones were just tests, so.

Z: So, it's a little different, yeah. Like Em said, we did a couple recordings, so we kind of like, dipped our toes in the water of what it's like to just get behind the mics and stuff, but again this is our first episode, and we kinda just wanted to, lean in and kind of explain why we are here.

E: Yeah.

Z: What we are going to be doing, things we are going to talk about et cetera, et cetera.

E: Yeah.

Z: So. Do you want to-let's start with the-we have a couple ice breaker questions.

E: I'm so excited.

Z: Because, okay, so, you have a college degree.

E: I do.

Z: I have college credits. So we both went to college. (laughs)

E: Yes.

Z: You know, it's fun to do the ice breaker questions when you start a class.

E: Yeah.

Z: Because, even if you don't pay attention to anything that anybody else says-

E: Someone is going to change something that changes your life.

Z: Every single time-

E: Especially, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Z: No, you're good.

E: But, especially if you are playing two truths and a lie. I have found that that is the ice breaker game that I come away changed forever, like I've learned some things about some people playing that game. Are you okay?

Z: There's a burp coming.

E: (laughs)

E: Just let 'er out.

Z: (burps) There it is. (laughs)

E: Wow, that was lovely.

Z: Not to derail, real quick, but-

E: Go for it.

Z: Have you ever used Bumble?

E: Very briefly.

Z: One of my favorite things about Bumble, is that you can do like questions or whatever-

E: And that's one of 'em.

Z: That's one of them! It really, it's really telling. And I love, cause one of my truths is always so bizarre. You know which one I am talking about, but no one ever goes for it.

E: I honestly can't-

Z: The car. *laughs*

E: Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that one is pretty unbelievable. But-

Z: Yeah, we'll save that for another time.

E: I've seen that one, uh, I've seen the repercussions of that one in real time.

Z: Anyway.

Z: (laugh)

E: Alright, well...

Z: Episode one, we are going to expose my entire past.

E: Yeah.

Z: Okay, so. When we first kind of, started talking about the idea for this podcast, which really was just bred, I think just kind of like a joke text that I sent. Or that you sent.

E: I honestly don't even remember.

Z: It was, I mean just the, the very cliché, “We should start a podcast!” and then it just kind of went from there. Just I mean, 2020.

E: Yeah.

Z: It's nothing but boredom. When when we first started talking about, what we wanted to do with our podcast. It really just stemmed from, for me anyway, just really wanting to bring light to the history that exists here in the south.

E: Yeah we didn't really say that, we-

Z: No. (laughs)

E:...we are in the south, we are some good 'ol southern boys.

Z: Just a couple of southern boys.

E: Yea!

Z: We grew up very close to each other, as far as, location.

E: Yeah.

Z: And you know, our high schools probably taught around the same genre and path of like history.

E: Yeah.

Z: It's all white washed and gross. Bleh. But-

E: It's only getting worse, did you hear that Tennessee is like, passing laws to, how did they put it, it's so, it's such bullshit. Basically erasing any history of slavery or discrimination. I think that call it something like Radical Race Theory.

Z: Well, that's great. Welcome to our podcast where we are gonna nip all that in the butt.

E: Yeah.

Z: Because truly, like Em just stated, it's only getting worse, apparently. Jesus Christ, I hate Tennessee.

E: Yeah, I found out like a week ago.

E: Hi guys this is Em, I'm doing the editing, and I just wanted to clarify something really quick. When we were recording this episode, I misspoke and I said that this concept was called Radical Race Theory, but that is incorrect. The correct term is Critical Race Theory. So, I am sorry for that error. If you don't know what a ban like this would mean, the short version is basically, is that American lawmakers are trying to dictate and restrict what can and can't be taught in public schools about the history of systemic racism and slavery in the United States. I'm going to include some links in our resources for the episode where you can learn more about this and we really encourage you to check those out and do your research, because this is obviously an important part of American history for everyone. To erase these topics from lesson plans, really presents a biased and skewed version of events. Anyway, I'm sorry for that error and I hope you enjoy the rest of the episode .

Z: There's just so much history and just stories that are just passed down even by even just word of mouth-

E: Mmhmm

Z:...down here in the south. That literally no one knows about.

E: Yeah.

Z: I think that's, that really is what piqued our interest. When we were throwing around the idea of this podcast to begin with, it really was just like, “We're gonna find an abandoned building, we're going to dig into the research of it, and we're going to talk about this abandoned place.” And from what we are now, it's really expanded to literally just like a history lesson.

E: History, I think it's important to not only to cover the actual facts, but also, I think, not necessarily, like fiction and urban legends and that kind of thing. I think that sort of thing has a lot to do with like story telling, and the culture of the area like-

Z: Right.

E:..like there are, you know, you have things from like, the stories that your grandmother would tell you to keep you from being a little shit when you were a kid.

Z: (laughs)

E: Or, you know, why if there's like an anecdote for why is the sky blue, how did this mountain range be formed. Y'know I think stuff like that is really interesting. When you're driving along some random ass back road and you see an old house, and you think, “Huh, I wanna know the history of that place.” That is the kind of, the kind of thing, that I think really inspires me, is like. Seeing something, not knowing anything about it, wanting to learn about it.

Z: Exactly. And-

E: (laughs)

Z:...we had created like a little baby list of questions that we wanted to ask. When we first started kind of throwing around the idea of what we wanted to do. We kind of already covered a couple of them. But I guess I'll just kind of go down the list again.

E: Okay, sure.

Z: Just to kind of like, ya know, put the nail in the coffin, so to speak.

E: Yeah.

Z: So, the first question that we have, is who or what are our inspirations?

E: Okay.

Z: So I would say, for me personally, like I said, just growing up, and like I can't think of anything off the top of my head. But like growing up and learning that an event happened. Or someone did this thing and, you come to realize later on in life that what you were taught, wasn't necessarily the truth. The whole truth, anyway.

E: Yeah.

Z: So for me, I guess, it's not so much a who, as so much as a what. For me it's just really like uncovering what is real.

E: Okay, yeah.

Z: So.

E: I think, I think that's a good way to put it. And I feel like, y'know, disclaimer, we are not perfect, we are probably not always going to do perfect research. You know, we're not exposing all the facts, in their, 100% true form, 'cause you know. We're just taking the information that we can find and putting that to use. But I agree, I think that that's a big part of it for me is like. I can remember several times when I was younger, like having a teacher, do a lesson and be like, “Oh well this thing happened,” and then being like well, “Okay I want to know more about that but I don't know how.” And now, you know, I'm an adult, and I have better research skills, so.

Z: Right.

E: I think it's a far more entertaining use of my time, that what I was doing previously. Which was just, laying on the floor and looking at TikTok.

Z: Right. (laughs)

E: (laughs)

Z: TikTok truly, worms in my brain.

E: Yeah.

Z: But, it truly, this is just, even, I mean, we've been batting around the idea of this podcast for a couple months.

E: Mmhmm.

Z: And just getting started, and doing the research and like looking into these stories, has been so much fun.

E: Oh yeah.

Z: And, I know the story that you're going to cover today has been one.

E: Yes.

Z: And I know that I've heard bits and pieces throughout our friendship, pretty much.

E: Mmhmm.

Z: And we've known each other for awhile.

E: Mmhmm.

Z: So I'm excited to get, like the full, like get in there.

E: Yeah, I'm excited about yours too, because like,it-it's, I mean, I think, I feel like maybe comparatively I might know just a tiny bit more about yours than you might know about mine.

Z: Right.

E: Just because I've been to this location.

Z: Right.

E: And I've like snooped around there.

Z: Everyone has in this area.

E: Yeah.

Z: Well, goals for the podcast. Do you have any goals in mind?

E: I want a Lamborghini.

Z: I want to be Mr. Beast.

E: I thought you were *laughs* I thought you were gonna say Mr. Bean.

E&Z: *laugh*

E: Oh my god, which actually-

Z: That too.

E:...derailed, for a second, but this is relevant considering what I just said, um, did you know-do you listen...I know you like Gracie Helbig and Mamrie Hart.

Z: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

E: Do you listen to their podcast?

Z: Oh yeah.

E: Have you heard the one where they talk about how Mr. Bean has wrecked two McLarens?

Z: YES!

E: Apparently the man has like a 170 IQ and a passion, a deep burning passion for sports cars. And he has-I don't know if he has if he has wrecked two different ones or if it's the same one that he's wrecked twice. But he is currently trying to sell it for like 12 million dollars. And that, I have thought about that fact all fucking week. All week. They were talking about cars at work yesterday and I had to just like clench my fists and hold in the fact that I wanted to yell across the expo station, “MR. BEAN HAS WRECKED TWO MCLARENS!” Anyway.

Z: Truly it's a-

E: So sorry, but I had to get that off my chest

Z: Oh my god.

E: Rowan Atkincenter, what is his name? Ronan? Rowan Atkinson?

Z: Mr. Bean?

E: Yeah.

Z: I don't know his-the only thing I know about Mr. Bean is that he has wrecked two McLarens.

E&Z: *laughs*

E: Oh my god..

Z: Um, jesus. Goals for the podcast for me um. Yeah, a Lamborghini would be nice.

E: It would be nice, wouldn't it?

Z: No, truthfully, and I feel like I've said this like 50 times already. It's just getting the information out there. Letting people be in the know about what's going on in the south. Because I feel like *clears throat* excuse me. There's like this weird stigma against the south.

E: For sure.

Z: And it's just poor and dirty...

E: And ignorant.

Z: And ignorant. And like, there's so much that goes on down here that no one really knows about because it is so outside of “normal society?”

E: Yeah.

Z: I guess in other people's eyes? And that's even just like in the United States, even outside of the United States I'm sure that...The south is just like a cesspool of jokes.

E: Yeah.

Z: But-

E: Well I agree with that. I think that it's very much, uh there's a disconnect between like, people who actually live here and people that have never been here. And just like how it's, you know portrayed in the media. There's so. I think there's something like, I don't know the exact statistics, but I'm pretty sure that if you actually look at the numbers there is so much more diversity than in a good deal of the United States. Like, um I was reading something the other day that said that the south, like the American south is one of the most diverse places in terms of like LGBT folks and I'm not sure if that's true. But honestly, I would believe it. But yeah, I think that that's very much, getting the information out there, but also, it's a desire, personally, it's you know, a desire for more information in general.

Z: True.

E: Because-

Z: Yeah.

E: You know, I've lived here my whole life and I feel like I know a lot of cool little bits and pieces about stuff but you can always learn more.

Z: Oh yeah.

E: That is my motto.

Z: 100%.

E: You can always, always find something else out. Even if it's something that you think that you know everything about it, you can always dig deeper and find out more. So.

Z: 100%.

E: For sure, for sure.

Z: This next question is past exploration stories. I'm about to tell one of mine.

E: Okay.

Z: That's my whole story. So, do you have any that you would like to share?

E: Hm...

Z: I mean, I've done like geocaching, that sort of thing, but like.

E: Yeah,

Z: Other than that, like.

E: Yeah. I have been geocaching, I actually, I have been to the location you're going to cover today. And I thought I was going to get in big trouble, because the owner pulled up in his pickup truck and I was so afraid. I was there with my sister and, Vivian, I don't know if you'll hear this. But um, my friend Vivian, and we were walking around. We climbed the steps. We like went-I was too chicken shit to go all the way up to the top because it's a very tall structure and the stairs are very old. And I was like “nope, Imma go halfway but this step is broken, I'm not going any farther.” And then we came back down and this guy pulled up and I was like “Oh god, he's gonna get so mad at us.” He pulled up and we had Vivian's puppy with us and he rolled the window of his truck down, and he was like, “Can I give the dog a biscuit?!” And we were like, “Yes sir you can!” And he just stood there and talked to us for a little while, it was very cool.

Z: Yeah.

E: But yeah, I can't think of anything other than that, not offhand. I would like to make some more.

Z: Yeah. Same.

E: I have not been in an old building in a cool minute. Um, actually, I'm sorry, I did think of one.

Z: No, you're good.

E: Uh, we were walking around, I don't want to triangulate our location. *laughs*

Z: Right.

E: But we were, a couple of my friends and I, were walking around in this, kind of like, like uh small back road I guess you would say near one of their houses. And there was this old kind of a house? I don't know if it was actually a house at one point or if it was just like a shed. But we uh, hiked back a little off the road and went in there, and there was just like all these old bottles. Like, from the '50s all over the floor and that's something that I collect, and I was like “Oh shit, this is private property, I know we're probably trespassing. Imma take some of these bottles.” And I had a coat on with big pockets. So I put a couple of them in my pocket.

Z: *laughs*

E: And we hiked back out, and my mom called me, and I was probably like, I don't know sixteen, seventeen maybe?

Z: Sure.

E: She was like, “Hey where are you?” And I was like “We went for a walk, we're walking back to so and so's house.” and she was like “ Okay well, we'll meet you up there, I have something to give you,” and I was like “okay.” And when she pulled up I was like, “I have something to give YOU.” And she was like “What?” and I pulled out this crusty ass bottle of like vanilla extract from the 1960s, and was like, “Here ya go!” And my mom of course, I get that fascination from her, she also collects that stuff. So she was like, “Wow! This is so cool, where did you get it?” And I was like, “Well...-

Z: *laughs* That spooky building! As the thunder claps.

E:...we went in that spooky house.” And she was like, “Oh my god that's dangerous!!” And I was like, “Well, we already did it.”

Z: Yeah.

E: So yeah, that was fun. I love doing shit like that.

Z: God, me too. Is this trespassing? I love trespassing.

E: (laughs) I do, I do.

Z: Oh my god.

E: Yeah.

Z: Any topics that you wanna cover, discuss, why?

E: I think we both have a list of stuff that we would like to cover in the future.

Z: Right.

E: I will say, I don't want this to be like specifically true crime. Like I don't want to have all my stories be in one genre. I will say that some of them are paranormal related, some of them are true crime related, some of them are just general history.

Z: Same yeah.

E: I am always, I have very much a morbid curiosity.

Z: Same.

E: I will do my best to treat those with respect and there is one in particular that I am very interested to cover, because I have never heard of it, and it happened, like, in the town that I grew up in, which is very small.

Z: Right.

E: Not a whole lot of reported murders, but his name is Joe Shepherd and he was a killer in that area in the 70s I believe? And I was having a conversation with a friend of mine one day, when we were, like, first work shopping this. I don't think we'd even bought our mics yet-

Z: I don't think so either

E:...and we were talking about it, and she was just like, “Oh you know about Joe Shepherd right?” And I said, “No?” And she was like, “ Yeah, he murdered somebody and put her in the wood pile.” And I was like, “EXCUSE ME, how have I never heard this?!” So I uh, I have to, have to know more about that. I gotta know whats going on.

Z: Right. For me it's kind of in the same vein of, I mean my stories are kind of gonna be everywhere, but I'm really excited for my story for the next podcast that we're gonna do. Because it was right around the time where we started really figuring out what we wanted to do for sure with this podcast. And we went to just like a couple of used bookstores just to look for some, just some paper sources. And I found a book that was super cool, very interesting. Loved it, I've read it like twice already.

E: Oh really the whole thing?

Z: It's not very long, but I've read it like twice already, just reading through. The first story in that book is truly whacko-

E: Yeah?

Z:..so I'm going to cover that the next time we record

E: That's exciting.

Z: And I'm really excited for it. It's a missing persons. We won't say true crime, but I'll say it's a missing persons.

E: Yeah, 'cause we're not really sure if a crime was committed. Like I don't really know the whole story obviously but you've told me bits and pieces, and you know, there's several theories right? Of what actually happened?

Z: Oh yeah, I've got a couple theories that I have that I wanna, but we'll get to that.

E: We'll get to that next time.

Z: Alright, so full disclosure, this whole operation, it's just us, it's me and Em and Em and me. We do have an assistant.

E: Vanessa.

Z: Her name is Linda and we love her.

E: We love Tracy with all our hearts

Z: Veronica, she really gets it done. We asked our lovely assistant, Carly, to get some normal ice breaker questions outside of the podcast because it's really, like we said before it's really telling of someone's character to have these questions answered and we just told. We told Carol to go nuts, so.

E: I'm excited for this, because you've had a little bit of a look at these, I don't know anything.

Z: I've read like the first two, and was like okay, I can see the direction that Sharon's going. Okay, so you haven't looked at these, I've read a couple so I'm just gonna go for it.

E: Let's go.

Z: The first one is if you could be on any reality/game show what would you choose?

E: Wheel of Fortune.

Z: Wheel of Fortune?

E: I always loved Wheel of Fortune. Or Jeopardy. I'm not smart enough to be on Jeopardy, but I love Jeopardy. I miss Alex Trebek, rest in peace.

Z: Rest in peace.

E: That man, god fucking bless.

Z: God bless. For me, and you'll know this, here lately, I've been really into discord, like, essentially role play survivor games. They're so much fun. I've applied to play my first one, but they're so much fun to watch. So I would say maybe that, or if it had to be a game show, I'm going to go with either Press Your Luck-

E: Okay.

Z: Or Shop Till You Drop.

E: I don't know what either of those are

Z: Really? Press your-

E: What is press your luck?

Z: Press your luck is the no whammies, no whammies, that one?

E: I don't know what that is.

Z: You don't know that one? I will show you a clip of.

E: I feel like I've heard someone say that.

Z: So well, here's the tea, my grandma would wake up in the mornings and she would watch us before we went to school. She would wake up in the morning, she would make my grandpa food. She would sit her butt in her recliner and turn on game show network, until her husband came home from work, and then she would make him dinner and then she would watch more game shows until she went to bed. That's all this woman did.

E: I love that.

Z: So, this brain-

E: It's in your brain forever.

Z:..is a rolodex of game show trivia, but that one's a fun one. Shop Till You Drop was essentially, I don't know which one came first, but Supermarket Sweep.

E: Okay.

Z: Have you ever seen that?

E: Like guys grocery game?

Z: Kind of, but they don't like cook, so they'll have like a list, like you'll get carrots on aisle five, and tuna on aisle six, and baby formula on aisle 12, and they just, they go for it. And the first to do it wins or whatever.

E: That sounds like a lot of fun. I do love to grocery shop. I think that would be a fun one too.

Z: So number 2, if you could eliminate one food, so that no one ever ate it again, what would you pick to destroy?

E: My gut instinct says tomatoes, because I hate tomatoes.

Z: *whispers* Same.

E: But I do, it's only, like. I like tomato based sauces and I like tomato soup, so I feel like I would regret that choice.

Z: Ketchup.

E: I don't know if you're for or against ketchup.

Z: I like ketchup but I hate tomatoes. I was adding to tomatoes' cause.

E: Yeah. That's a tough one.

Z: I'm gonna go with green beans.

E: I don't think I can agree with you on that one, I'm sorry.

Z: That's fine, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm destroying green beans.

E: Okay, okay, um, god, that's really hard. I don't, I don't like tomatoes at all. I hate touching them, I hate dealing with them. I work in food service. I could also say mushrooms 'cause I really hate mushrooms.

Z: I love mushrooms.

E: That is something I find so interesting about you.

Z: That I like mushrooms?

E: Yeah, you know. You're kind of a-I don't know much about. I don't know, you're-in my eyes you're kind of a picky eater. Cause you don't like, like lettuce.

Z: I don't like lettuce.

E: What about like a good arugula? Do you like arugula?

Z: What's arugula?

E: Okay, we're gonna get you some arugula. It's a leafy green. You'll probably like, well no okay. I should-I take that back. You like Spinach.

Z: I do like Spinach.

E: Okay.

Z: Baby kale.

E: Do you like kale?

Z: I like baby kale.

E: Oh, okay.

Z: I don't like that-

E: I don't know that I've ever had the baby-

Z: It's just like spinach.

E: I mean it's-okay. Yeah that's fair.

Z: But.

E: Yeah, I'm gonna hard answer, I'm gonna say mushrooms 'cause I really fucking hate mushrooms.

Z: Valid.

E: Alright question 3.

Z: What is your favorite restaurant? In parenthesis, Zack, you cannot say McDonald's.

E&Z: *laugh*

E: Oh.

Z: Well.

E: Oh, Clarice. She's roasting ya.

Z: She really is. Shoot. I'm just going to go with fast food because-

E: Okay.

Z: Restaurants can mean any-

E: Fast food/fast casual, I think that's good.

Z: Sure. Dang, I really like. Well fast casual, I'm going to say Chili's.

E: Ooh yes.

Z: That street corn, honey chipotle tenders.

E: Those honey chipotle tenders, if I ever get married, that's what I want at my wedding.

Z: Catered?

E: Yeah, catered.

Z: Remember when I went to a-if you're hearing this Morgan, I'm sorry, remember when I went to a wedding that was catered by Cracker Barrel?

E: Yes!

Z: Morgan, I love you but, a choice was made. Okay, favorite restaurant?

E: The first thing that popped into my head was Olive Garden.

Z: *gasps*

E: I unironically, unashamedly, unabashedly. I love Olive Garden. I am-

Z: I'm white.

E: Very. Yeah, I am-I think like I don't wanna go all 23 & me, given that I haven't even taken one of those fucking tests. As far ass my family has told me I am like an 8th or a 16th Sicilian or something, so that Italian blood, it makes be crave Olive Garden like nobody's business.

Z: The breadsticks.

E: I see like the sign in the sky and it's like a werewolf to a full moon. And I go crazy.

Z: *laughs* I love Olive Garden.

E: The tiramisu? The chicken gnocchi soup with breadsticks?

Z: Gnocchi!

E: The Tour of Italy? Ah.

Z: The five dollar, to go entrees? You have lunch tomorrow.

E: That is a brilliant business plan.

Z: True.

E: You know what I want? What I desperately desperately want one. The unlimited pasta pass. I have wanted one of those since the day. Justin McElroy did an unboxxing and he got one.

Z: Olive Garden.

E: I really wanted one ever since.

Z: *whispers* Same.

E: Olive Garden sponsor us?

Z: Please god, I know this is our first episode but please.

E: I had an idea for another sponsor. Oh, Subway! Subway should sponsor us.

Z: Truly.

E: I can't believe that neither of us said Subway, actually. We-fun little BTS, behind the scenes, not the K-Pop group, sorry.

Z: Why did my brain go there first?

E: We know why.

Z: Not today. That's a song.

E: LITERALLY every time we've gotten together to brainstorm, put together anything for this show, with the exception of maybe once or twice, that I can't even recall, it's subway every single time, so.

Z: We gotta eat fresh.

E: Somebody, at Subway headquarters, say, “Hey, sponsor The Abandonment Issues-”

Z: Sponsor these people.

E: Plead our case, please.

Z: Please, please, we'll send you merch if we ever

get any.

E: I'll figure it out. I'll use my art degree. Alright. Question four!

Z: If you could take a trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

E: Hm.

Z: Forks, Washington.

E: Oh my god.

Z: Final answer.

E: Oh my god. That's a good one, shit.

Z: (laughs) 'Cause genuinely, I don't know 'cause there's so many places to go.

E: Yeah, yeah it's very hard. I always did-okay, well on the topic of my Italian heritage.

Z: Oh Jesus.

E: I was supposed to go to Italy my junior year of college and, the trip got canceled because we didn't have enough people to go. And I was very excited for it, and I would still really enjoy it. I would love to go make that trip, because we were going to stay at a farm in Tuscany that's been there for like, I don't even know. Since like 700 A.D. Or some shit.

Z: That is crazy.

E: It's called Spannocchia if you want to look it up. There's this incredible little-they have this website with like a video that you can check it out. You get to eat like all the food that they give you and all the wine that they have is like made on site. We were going-they have like the original wood kiln-

Z: Wow.

E:...on site, and you could make things in their ceramics studio and you fire it in the kiln at the end of the trip. But they also do like chefs and like butchers internships there where you can go over there and learn how to do things the way they do them and I think that's fascinating.

Z: That's really cool.

E: One day I would love to go there.

Z: Oh yeah, 100%.

Z: Get the swear jar ready.

E: Oh god.

Z: What game or movie universe would you most like to live in? Kingdom Hearts.

E: *Did you bring a roll of quarters?

Z: I'm just gonna leave it at that. Kingdom hearts.

E: I know you said game or movie-

Z: Book?

E:...but can I fudge it a little bit and say podcast?

Z: Sure!

E: I would love to be a citizen of the town of Nightvale. I know you don't know anything about Welcome to Nightvale, but boy lemme tell ya. I would live there in a heartbeat. I love it. It's so weird. I know that that's maybe not some people want because it's kind of fucked up. Bad things happen to people there all the time.

Z: Right.

E: But it's that cosmic horror, but in a fun lighthearted way.

Z: Right.

E: That's the best way I can explain it. I just love it so much. Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kramer.

Z: God bless.

E: God bless you. You two really do some amazing work. I'm literally looking at a signed photograph of Symphony Sanders and Cecil Baldwin right now. They watch over our podcast. But yeah, I would love that. I think that the aesthetic is immaculate. There's deserts, there's glowing lights in the sky above the Arby's.

Z: There's an Arby's in this Universe?

E: Yes bitch! They're just regular people like you and me. There's literally, I wanna say in episode one, there's this beautiful passage where Cecil is like “Lights, blinking in the sky above the Arby's. Not the glowing sign of the Arby's, but something higher.

Z: Did I write this? Did I ghost write this?

E: You could have. I have all the books behind me, I'm very much a fan.

Z: If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

E: Hypogriff.

Z: That was a fast but good answer. I would probably be a gnome.

E: (laughs) Oh fuck! Yeah.

Z: I spend my entire life-

E: Yeah.

Z:..being 6 foot tall, I just wanna live a little down there.

E: That's a good one.

Z: Yeah. What small, insignificant thing gives you joy?

E: Thrift store knick knacks.

Z: Sure.

E: That's pretty much the biggest one. I go into Amvets like once a week. And I'll get-I don't have my Keith Urban mug in here. But I get so many tiny dingy things and they always bring me such joy. That tiny little frog that I got at the antique store the last time you and I went, that thing? I'm still riding the high.

Z: For me, I would say it's like when you, complete a book series, and you get that final one and you put it up on the shelf, and you see it on the shelf together. That's my-and it doesn't have to be like, for me it's like books, video games, manga, whatever.

E: Yeah.

Z: Just seeing it complete on the shelf just does it for me.

E: I love that. That's a very good feeling.

E: Yeah.

Z: What is the dumbest purchase you have ever made?

E: Oh Zack, oh Zack, this is a hard question, cause I really-

Z: I don't know! Because I make a lot of dumb purchases.

E: I know exactly what mine is, I'm afraid to say.

Z: Can you say it? What is it?

E: You know what it pertains to.

Z: Do I? Why are you blinking? You don't have to say it if you don't want to.

E: No, I'm gonna say it.

Z: Thank god.

E: So, what was the year? I wanna say 2011/2013.

Z: Uh-oh. I know where we're going!

E: God, I made you promise not to mention this, to not drag me about any of this but i'm going to go ahead and out myself in episode one.

Z: Oh no.

E: I was a backer of the-

Z: Ahaaahaahaaaaa!!!!

E: Stop screaming and just let me get the words out. I was a higher tier backer of the Homestuck Hiveswap Kickstarter in 2013. And that haunts me to this day. To this day I will never-I will never recover from the amount of money that I spent on that when I was god-I was not a legal adult. I spoke to my mother, and I said, “Listen, I need to get this money out of my savings and I need it now.” And she was like, “Are you sure you wanna do that?” and I said, “Yes please.” and then she let me do it. And I respect that she gave me that freedom but I wish that she had just told me no.

Z: That's fair.

E: It was not worth it, and the worst part. It's been like a long time. I still have not played that game.

Z: That's just how the cookie crumbles.

E: Yeah.

Z: Dumbest purchase, my mind just scrambled. Because me and Em just shared a very panicked glance at one another before this story was told and it just jumbled everything I had lined up. I make very-

E: I'm like sweaty.

Z: (laughs)

E: That really stressed me out that I had to admit that. Feel my hand.

Z: Oh, you're clammy!

E: I am disgusting right now.

Z: You're a whole seafood buffet with them clammy hands.

E: I am.

Z: Oh my god. What was the question? Dumbest purchase. I don't know man. I make a lot of dumb purchases. I'm probably, most recently, I'm going to say my book drug dealer.

E: Oh yeah.

Z: Robert. I feel, like I feel obligated at this point to meet up with this man to buy antique books and some of them aren't really the best.

E: But still it's a cool hook-up.

Z: Yeah, I buy them anyway. So, the last time I saw this man, I bought this falling apart copy of Orwell or something.

E: That's pretty dope though.

Z: I mean it's cool, it's got a bunch of his novels and shit. It was pretty cool, but it not in the condition that he said it was in.

E: Aw, that sad.

Z: It's fine. Sorry Robert if you are listening. I'm just going to say that because literally my coworkers put me on a Facebook Marketplace timeout, and I wasn't allowed to buy from Facebook Marketplace.

E: I didn't know about that, oh my god.

Z: They were like, you have to take off two weeks. And I was like, “Fine, that's fine, we get paid in two weeks it's fine.” So, I'm just gonna say that. (laughs)

E: Oh wow.

Z: Question number 9 is what is the longest you have gone without sleep and why? I know mine.

E: Oh man.

Z: I know mine.

E: I mean, the why really for me is-it's one of two answers. College or the pandemic. And I'm leaning more towards the pandemic because I was basically only sleeping like once every other night. Over when I got furloughed from my job last spring. I remember a couple of times I was like, “I'm gonna start a craft project!” and was just cracked out on Monster Energy at 6:00 in the morning, ironing patches onto a denim jacket and shaking my ass to Glass Animals. But yeah, I wanna say the longest amount of time was like three days, but I know you got me beat, I think.

Z: You know mine.

E: Do I?

Z: You know mine. When I was in high school and I watched Men in Black.

E: Yeahhhh.

Z: So I didn't watch Men in Black when I was a child. Probably watched the first one when I was in high school and then I watched the second one, and then there's that whole subplot that there's a universe wrapped around a cat's collar or whatever.

E: It's in his little tag.

Z: It sent me down a rabbit hole. I did not sleep for four days because I was deep in infinite space theory because I just drove myself crazy. Because I was like, “If a cat collar can hold a universe, what if we're the universe inside the cat collar? Which I feel like was the entire point. But it drove me up the walls. I couldn't sleep, I just stayed up for four days straight in front of my computer just googling infinite space theory, and learning more and digging into it, and then I crashed, obviously after four days, and I woke up and was like, “Never again.”

E: Well.

Z: So.

E: I bought a book not long ago, it's called Time Warps. And I opened it and the first two pages this guy starts talking about time travel and the secrets of the universe and everything and reincarnation and physics are all connected and that really reminded me of that. So, maybe I'll read you a little passage of that after this and see if it-

Z: I can't wait.

E:..jogs anything in your brain.

Z: I'll see ya next week and I will still be awake.

E: (laughs) Oh my god.

Z: Last question, who is the most intelligent

person you know?

E: Brownie.

Z: Where is he?

E: He just walked right behind you.

Z: Oh.

E: He's not a person. He's very smart.

Z: That's a tough question.

E: Yeah, that is a really tough question.

Z: I'm gonna say it's our assistant Becky.

E: Yeah, yeah. Trisha, she really, she's probably. What even is her IQ it's gotta be in the 170s?

Z: It's probably at least a thousand.

E: The smartest person that I know of is Mr. Bean. I genuinely can't believe he has an IQ that high. Not anything against that man, I don't know him personally, but the fact that that is the kind of movie that he makes.

Z: Oh my god, and apparently there's only like 12 episodes of that show.

E: 13 I think.

Z: Yeah, so he really stretched it out.

E: Yeah.

Z: I don't know. Welp.

E: Well yeah.

Z: Thank you to Veronica for all those icebreaker questions. Really eye opening.

E: It was great. You really did the damn thing.

Z: Well. I guess that now everyone knows our deepest darkest secrets since we exposed them in episode one, I guess we can kind of get into our topics a little bit?

E: Yeah.

Z: So I feel as if you're gonna go hard.

E: Perhaps, perhaps.

Z: So if you don't mind I'm gonna go first.

E: Okay.

Z: I'm not gonna go as hard as I could. With mine, mostly just because I wanna leave it open for a return, if I want to cover it again maybe later on. My first topic is going to be about the Roundhouse that exists in Tellico Plains, TN.

E: Nice.

Z: Fairly local, kind of close to us for the most part. Here's the issue with this, is that it was a silo for a local mining company and dating back to even before the civil war, this thing was operational. So there's a lot of stuff that has gone on-

E:Okay.

Z:...in this big old building. Another problem is that there's not a plot of information online.

E: Yeah, that was a problem I ran into mine too actually.

Z: Unfortunately, the person who posted this, the beginning of this is going to be a lot from Reddit.

E: Oh, okay.

Z: The person who posted this is a local urban explorer. I've seen some of their stuff, all of their stuff is really cool, their photographs are amazing. They do posts on Facebook and stuff here and there. All of their stuff is really well researched and really good, but I don't want to set a trend of making Reddit a, you know.

E: For sure, it's not like a primary source. So do you want to-did you make note of who that person was though.

Z: Yeah, the post that was made thearcherofred on Reddit. That is their username. When we post all of our sources I will give a link to this specific person I am talking about.

E: Excellant.

Z: Yeah, that's the problem I ran into and I guess that's probably why I didn't get as into it. Mostly because I wanted to leave it open so I could share a little bit about my own experience when I went.

E: Cool, okay.

Z: I am going to give a little bit of a backstory about the area, the place, what all happened. Like I said this was a post made by thearcherofred on Reddit, all one word. About 30 years after the Civil War, Southern Slate Works purchased the land where the Roundhouse exists now. This land before used the be part of the Tellico Iron Works Company. The Iron Works Company basically mined iron and other ores during the Civil War. It was demolished during the war, and really from what I can tell, nothing really happened in this area where the Roundhouse exists now up until it was purchased on December 7th of 1893.

E: Okay.

Z: In June of 1920, J.B. Preston bought 300 acres of land from another citizen of Tellico named Cyril Herford with the intent to mine the area. It is unknown if this was part of the Southern Slate Company or a solo kind of gig. Preston had plans of making a fully working mine complete with machinery, houses for the mine workers, storage facilities, and other stuff you'd need to run a mine. He also was-he was also given permission to construct a railroad system to the mine and the quarry was set to open on January 1st 1921. He then leased this area out to Tennessee Rocks Products Company and it was operational from 1921-1928. In '22 Cyril then sued the rock company because some of the debris had gotten into the creek that ran through his property and it polluted the water. There was another lawsuit that same year against the rock company. This lawsuit came from a local farmer named Henry Fritts. He was suing for very similar reasons as Herford, because the dust coming from the mines and quarry had killed crops and vegetation. That lawsuit was settled for 600-I'm assuming there's no information about the 1st lawsuit, because there was no information on this post about it. From what I can tell, nothing really happened after that, company shut down until 1928-er shut down in 1928, that is until the mid to late 50s.

E: Okay, that's kind of a long time.

Z: Yeah, it's a minute. At this point, a man named Dr. William Alfred Rogers purchased the property in the 50s, and he was a local practicing doctor. A little bit about Mr. Rogers, he was born in Violet, NC. During the late 50s he was one of 6 doctors that lived in the Tellico Plains area during that time. He had a small stone house, that stood in downtown but eventually he built a large three story home on Unicoi Mountain.

E: Oh, okay.

Z: He thought that the high altitude would help his more chronic patients, so that's why he wanted his house to be so far up in the mountains. Rodgers and his wife ran the practice out of their home for about six years before the couple had the idea of turning the silo into a hotel/Air BnB. Not Air BnB. Sorry, that's the Gen Z in me speaking. Just a B&B. Just a normal B&B.

E: A 1950s Air BnB.

Z: Beautiful, ahead of their time, truly.

E: You get a telegraph after and they're like, “How was your stay? Please rate us.”

Z: God. So he essentially divided the space inside the silo into multiple floors and created small apartment like rooms on each story. Supposedly, right when it was set to open, a fire marshal came to inspect it and it was deemed unsafe as there needed to be two clear exits from each room, but there was only one considering that it's a large tall vertical-

E: It's just a tube.

Z: It's literally, quite literally a tube. I will. I will post some pictures and some links to some pictures so you can kind of see. But truly, it's an old silo, it's a big stone, round silo. Cylinder, and on the outside there's a staircase that leads into the first floor but there's essentially just a round staircase that-

E: It's like a fire escape.

Z: It just wraps around the outside of it and that's how you would go up there and get into your little hotel room or whatever. The fire marshal said it was no good so they couldn't really open it as a hotel.

E: So did it ever have guests like that? Or did he just kind of kill that immediately?

Z: It's hard to really pin down what really happened after that. Some sites claim that Mr. Rogers and his moved into the Roundhouse after this and they continued the practice there. Other sites claim that they went back to the house at Unicoi and ran the practice out of it. I also read somewhere, and I couldn't really pin it down again, now that I started doing the research on it again but there were some rumors about someone running a restaurant out of it.

E: I think I've heard that one actually.

Z: And it was just on the first floor, it wasn't on any of the other floors, I think there's 5 stories in that thing. I couldn't really find that again, so I don't really have any information on it. The doctor passed away 10 years after this ordeal in '67, and it has just kinda sat dormant since then, aside from the possible restaurant owner being in there, but there's not really a whole lot to go off of on that route. Unfortunately as of now, the inside of the roundhouse has been completely destroyed by vandals. The walls are covered in graffiti and there was a house that was right next to it, and again, I can't really pinpoint what that was really for. I would assume that it was probably just another house that was-

E: Yeah, I heard from somewhere that that was something to do with the hotel aspect of it.

Z: Sure, I mean. I wouldn't doubt it, but that house is all but rotted to the ground. I've been inside, and the floor is rotted to the ground. There's no foundation, there was also a large fire that happened inside the roundhouse. Can't really pinpoint a date or time. Because it sat, it was just out in the middle of nowhere.

E: Not necessarily keeping track or reporting that to-

Z: Right.

E:...anyone.

Z: It basically made everything from the bottom floor to the top floor inaccessible. I've been on the top floor. Probably wasn't that smart of a move.

E: Prolly not.

Z: I was like 17, and you're invincible at 17, nothing matters. We went up there and just kind of hung around, and I'll talk about that in a second. But that basically made all the other floors inbetween inaccessible. That's really, literally all I could find online about it. I definitely have tried to join the local library to get some book sources or something about it, but I'm currently fighting with our local library. It's so shrouded in mystery that no one really knows what's going on in there. We've got a couple reports about the lawsuits and the early 20s. Nothing until the 50s, and then this random guy wants to build a hotel there, and someone says no and it just sits there again.

E: Do you know-I know when we first started doing the research, we were talking about how it was for sale. Do you know if it still is or did it get bought?

Z: I looked at it yesterday before I was putting the finishing touches on everything. It is currently off the market, it was not sold, but it is off the market. It was going for upwards of like $500,000.

E: I would love to buy it.

Z: Same I would also-Subway?!

E: Subway sponsor us!!

Z: Please.

E: Subway just buy us The Roundhouse.

Z: We will put a Subway in the bottom floor.

E: (laughs) Like the food court in a mall.

Z: Truly. That's all the information that I have on it.

E: Well tell us your story.

Z: Well, when I was like 17/18, I worked at a local grocery store and one of my cashiers, the current at the time, the caretaker now is a new guy, but at the time she was friends with-the caretaker was a family friend. And she basically reached out to him and was like, “Hey we wanna explore after work one night. Do you think it would be cool if we went up there?” And he was like, “Yeah, sure no problem, let me know and I'll leave the gate unlocked for you guys.”

E: Cool.

Z: We went up there after work and it was probably like 10/11 o'clock and we were just gonna check it out and then leave, but I was just very curious and very fascinated so we went into the first floor and I will try to dig up photos because I took photos. The test of time has not been kind to them-

E: Absolutely not.

Z:...with phones and just everything, I think they're on my twitter somewhere so I have to really dig and find them, but like I said, the first floor there was a fire. You can look up and see the damage has been done to this place. It's covered in graffiti. We kind of poked around a little bit, there's not really much to see. There's old appliances, wood here and there, debris, vandalism, that sort of thing. We found the beginning of the staircase that leads up around the side of the Roundhouse and we climbed up to inspect it, about halfway up, it's broken-

E: Yeah that was-

Z: Very teetery.

E: Yeah.

Z: Once you get over that step it's solid again, bolted into the side of that wall or whatever, and you just keep on trucking. We went up to the top and we sat down on the floor up there, we pulled out a Ouija board.

E: Oh my god Zack.

Z: (laughs) Not my finest moment.

E: (laughs)

Z: It wasn't even a good Ouija board, it was obviously, very much produced by Hasbro, and it had the glow in the dark light in it, to where if you pushed down on the planchette it would glow.

E: Oh my god.

Z: Obviously, we got nothing because nothing happened in that building.

E: I can't believe it.

Z: Then we went back down the stairs and then we went into the house that's next to it. Like I said, there was very few places where I was comfortable standing. Floors rotted, walls punched in, knocked in, burned. We were able to go up-there's an attic.

E: Oh really?

Z: Yeah, there's an attic in there. I wasn't able to go-I didn't go up in it because I didn't really trust it. I stood at the top of the staircase and peered in a took a picture or two.

E: Cool, I never knew that.

Z: Then, we discovered a basement.

E: Oh god! Under that same house?

Z: Yeah. Here's the deal. You didn't know this did you? About the basement?

E:About the basement, no.

Z: So there's a basement, and the stairs have rotted off, so you kinda had to hop in that hole and-

E: Love it.

Z: We got down there, and it was trash.

E: Yeah.

Z: Broken glass, beer bottles, cans, old screen doors, anything that you could think of, old appliances everything, underneath that house. Then I saw a little filter of light off in the distance, so I was like, I'm gonna go in that direction. There was a tunnel.

E: I know you were going to say a tunnel and I was so afraid.

Z: A tunnel that lead directly underneath the roundhouse.

E: Bro!

Z: It's crazy.

E: That's really cool. Very scary.

Z: Very scary. I was like, “This is some-,” have you every seen House of Wax?

E: No but I think I know what you're talking about.

Z: Very House of Wax. Secret-

E: Like trap doors and stuff.

Z: Was not a fan. So then after that we kinda booked it outta there. 'Cause I was like, “Who's idea was it, to build a tunnel-,” I don't even want to know. I'm sure there was a reason.

E: I wonder if was with the intent of it being a hotel, if it was a service hallway or something like that?

Z: I mean, has to be. Has to be. Otherwise-

E: It's the only non-creepy answer.

Z: It's what's gonna let me sleep at night.

E: Oof.

Z: After that we kinda hightailed it out. I have since reached out to that cashier, and obviously neither of us work there anymore. I've since reached out, and asked if she knew who the current caretaker was and unfortunately that caretaker had passed away. There's currently a new one.

E: I wonder if that was the guy I met that gave us a dog biscuit.

Z: Might've been if he was nice.

E: He was just a nice old man.

Z: I never met him, but I'm assuming if he let a group of teenagers go wild out at the Roundhouse he probably didn't care and was a nice guy.

E: That's sad.

Z: Like I said a minute ago, it's not on the market, but when it does come on the market, I will be very eager to see if it sells this time. Hopefully, to me.

E: Maybe by then we'll get some sponsorship cash.

Z: Olive Garden please.

E: Can I trade an unlimited pasta pass for this house?

Z: Truly.

E: It's worth it's weight in gold.

Z: Truly, 'cause you think about it. We go to Olive Garden three times a day, lunch, dinner, second dinner. We don't eat breakfast anymore.

E: Oh my god, well I don't eat breakfast to begin with. Who has time for that nonsense?

Z: I do, but only because I'm at work.

E: Eating a banana. You're being very healthy.

Z: I'm eating a banana, having a monster.

E: Alright, well.

Z: Well, that's it for the Roundhouse. Like I said, thearcherofred on Reddit, thank you so much for that post. They're a couple more that they have made about the Roundhouse. I've only used the one, so feel free to look into it yourself. I'll be posting a couple links to some pictures, and hopefully I will be able to find the pictures that I took when I went. We'll post all those.

E: Thank you very much for that story. Today-

Z: Please, go off.

E:...I'm very excited about this story, because this is a story that has fascinated me literally since my childhood. I remember my teacher telling me about it when I was in, I wanna say 5th grade. Then, it turned out that there was a book about this guy, and I had the book because it was my dad's copy, and that's actually the copy that I used today for all my research. I am about to tell you the story of Mason Kershaw Evans-

Z: Yeeesss!

E:...the Hermit of Chilhowee Mountain.

Z: Yes.

E: Basically, my sources-I did have a couple, just for a little bit of fleshing out about the area and a couple facts about the specific region, but everything about Mason himself came from the book. As I discovered, the man doesn't even have a Wikipedia page.

Z: Right.

E: Which isn't really that surprising to me. 'Cause the area that he was from was a very tiny place, it was in the early 19th century. There wasn't a whole lot.

Z: Right.

E: So, let's get into it! Our story takes place in the area surrounding Chilhowee Mountain, which is more commonly known today as Star Mountain, but it was named that because of a plantation owner named Caleb Star, who back in the day, he basically owned the entire mountain. Chilhowee Mountain is located partly in the southwest corner of Monroe County, TN and in Polk County. It is in the Cherokee National Forest. The flat, plateau like mountain is about halfway between Tellico Plains and Etowah and it's elevation ranges from 750 to 2,290 ft. This mountain was a favorite hunting ground for deer. So that's actually how it got it's name, because Chilhowee means cold deer in Cherokee. During the 19th century, this area was the home to Mason Evans. As I said before, it's kind of hard to find anything about him on the internet, he doesn't have a Wikipedia page, so everything I know about him I pulled from this book, Torment in the Knobs by R. Frank. McKinney. To quote the book, “This book was written give it's readers the highlights of the main events from the early advent of the early white settlers in the area during the early 20s, during the Hiwassee purchase of 1817, the removal of the Indians in 1838, the great American Conflict, The Civil War of the 60s, the building and operation the fabulous White Springs Hotel atop Star Mountain, the coming of the railroads into McMinn County, and many other events of that century. So it's not just about Mason's life, it kind of encapsulates basically everything that was going on in this area at the time. Because there was a lot of stuff going on, there was a lot of conflict, it was the time of the Civil War. It was a lot. It is a very interesting read, it's one of the more detailed accounts of this area, however, it's not without it's flaws. It was published in 1976. R. Frank McKinney was an old white man living in a very rural area of the south. He had some prejudices. I'm not really going to talk about that a whole lot, but if you do decide to-if this story does interest you and you do decide to get a copy of this book and read it, just go into it knowing that. There is also a lot of dramatization and speculation. That is explained by, another quote from the book that said, “Torment in the Knobs is a historical novel but throughout the author was at many times forced to draw his own conclusions to what was said in the conversations or dialogues between the people. This he believed was actually said, but not verified. The pages of the book are mostly written in the newspaper reporting style, but not all in together for into the phraseology of fiction writers. In many places, it combines the two. There would have been no need to write this book, Torment in the Knobs had there been a printed history of the east side of McMinn County and the lower regions of Monroe during the 19th century. What little had been printed in the newspapers and periodicals was wildly scattered and never compiled into a comprehensive history of the area. This book is not intended to be a history of either McMinn or Monroe counties, although the events mentioned took place in one or the other. The book was inspired by this pamphlet and was written in 1890 by W. F. McCarron, who was the founder and editor of The Athenian newspaper. The pamphlet was called-this is a hell of a title. I thought The Abandoment Issues was kind of a long name. This pamphlet was titled The Wild Man of Chilhowee: the True Story of Mason Evans the Hermit, 40 Years in the Wilderness, the Most Wonderful Creature of Modern Times Lives in a Cave in this County, Subsists on Raw Meats and Stolen Food. That's the whole ass title of a pamphlet.

Z: A pam-that's the whole pamphlet!

E: Yeah, literally. The book also says the great many people thought was a legend was unfolded as fact as 90 years later when a house in east Etowah was being raised to the ground. An 1890 issue of The Athenian was found in a chimney and brought to me, the author R. Frank Mckinney, who was then the editor of The Etowah Enterprise. Mickinney also did extensive research and interviews with local folks who's parents and grandparents has either met Mason, or had seen them visit their homesteads. Okay, so, there's this hermit..

Z: (laughs) I was waiting for it! Oh my god.

E: So there's this hermit..R. Frank Mckinney is the king of the fucking run-on sentence. This man could ramble. I think he's dead now? Probably. He had a lot to say, and not a whole lot of punctuation to put in it.

Z: He had a lot to say and no comma, period, comma splice was gonna get in his way.

E: Lots of question marks though. That is evidenced by his introduction to the story of what happened to Mason Evans. He said, “What happens to a man when his sweetheart suddenly jilts him? Does he take it in stride, or does his brain snap and he resort to unearthly things? What really did happen that day in 1848 in that little school house in Monroe County, TN, that caused a brilliant teacher to suddenly walk out of the school room, head to the mountains, never to say another intelligent word? And live there on snakes, rabbits, or other raw meat and whatever he could forage from mountaineers' chicken houses or gardens, and for forty years? Let's find out.

Z: Let's. Find. Out.

E: Mason was born May 10, 1824 in a log cabin at the base of the Chilhowee Mountain. At the time, the Chilhowee Mountain region was occupied primarily by the Cherokee Trible of the Native Americans. The capital of their nation, Chota, was only a few miles from the Evans's home. Mason's parents were names Robert, I'm sorry if I pronounce this wrong, I believe it's Hebrew. Her name is Karen-Happuch. That is K A R E N – H A P P U C H. I think Karen-Happuch.

Z: Okay.

E: I'm not sure though. They immigrated to Greene county in 1820, but they moved to Monroe after the Hiwassee purchase of 1817. The Evans' family was of Quaker faith, and their family consisted of Robert and Karen-Happuch, and their four boys and five girls: Moses, Robert, Mason, Samuel, Abigail, Sophia, Demaris, Caroline, and Octavia. Don't you just love that name? I love an Octavia.

Z: It's so out of left field though.

E: It is. I wonder-is that like a biblical name?

Z: I don't think so.

E: I've never thought of it as such but maybe it is.

Z: I don't think so, but go off, Imma google.

E: Mason was said to be the most talented of those children. I don't know how I'd feel about that as a Sophia or an Octavia in that family. Mason-that's kinda not fair, you don't get to be the best. Anyway, art seemed to come naturally to him. His penmanship was the talk of the settlement. Men in the region would commonly come to him to solve medical problems. In his youth, Mason was good friends with many of the Cherokee children of his age. He was 14 when the Native American Removal began, and it impacted him for the rest of his life. I mentioned Caleb Starr before, he's the one that lived on this mountain and basically gave it its current name. I had never heard anyone call it Chilhowee, fun fact, until recently. One of his son's named James was very active in Cherokee politics and he actually worked to negotiate the treaty that would result in the Trail of Tears.

Z: Ah.

E: Because of his native ancestry, eventually forced him and his own family to leave home and move westward, and he was accused-rightfully fucking so-of selling out the Natives to the white man. Eventually he was killed because of this. James, come the fuck on, what did you expect?

Z: Truly. Hello? Okay.

E: I don't want to make light of that obviously, because it was this horrible thing. At one point I had the numbers written down here, but I must have moved them. Thousands and thousands of people lost their lives on the Trail of Tears and this man basically was just-

Z: Didn't help!

E: Yeah, I don't know what he was-what he thought was going to happen. His whole family had to leave and give up their land. Hundreds of other families had to, too. Caleb Starr, as I said was a slave plantation owner and he had many 100 slaves. This is another really grim part of the story, because the way it is written, it kind of makes it sounds very praisy? They basically kind of put him on a pedestal a little bit, and they talk about about how-they talk about how much the people Caleb Starr literally bought and sold adored him and how much pride they took in their work they took for him. It is said when he left on the Trail of Tears some grieved themselves to death and were buried alongside the waters of Conasauga Creek. And that may have been true, they were grief stricken but it really grossed me out that a book written in like the 20th century was like, “Yes, this man was great, he owned 100s of people.”

Z: Yeah.

E: Anyways, but that's just-I only included that to highlight the way that it is kind of a biased telling of the story, but again it was pretty much the only source I had. Within a year the treaty was signed and the removal began in 1838. What at one time had been 50,000 square miles of native territory were reduced to only a few hundred. Until he saw them driven from their homes to an unwanted territory in the west, Mason Evans pleaded the case of the white settlers. After 1838, he formed a different opinion but kept it to himself, is what the book says.

Z: Okay.

E: I would imagine that was a pretty traumatic experience. Having all these friends and then seeing them be forced to move away.

Z: Right, yeah.

E: Anyways, so Mason went on to become a captain of a militia commissioned as such by the governor in 1841. He was 17 years old. Then, in his adulthood, instead of-I think he was supposed to go on to be a general or something. Initially thought he would have a career with the military, but he was so smart we would really rather you be a teacher, so he accepted a job as a teacher at a local school. Now we get into 'The Heartbreak' is what I have titled this chapter.

Z: Yay.

E: Essentially, the cause that is attributed to Mason deciding to go off into the wilderness forever is that he had his heart broken by his sweetheart. No one knows her true identity. What is known about her, is that she was the daughter of a prominent doctor in the area. “She was the apple of his eye, an only child whom he love more than life.No one would say, nor was it in print who the prominent doctor was, or what was his daughter's name. Was it because people wanted to protect the girl? Or was it because the doctor was so influential in Monroe County, that no one would even think to breathe a scandal such as the Mason Kershaw Evans affair.” It's all written very dramatically.

Z: Right.

E: Like a tabloid, but she was a co-teacher with Mason at the same school. They spent a lot of time together in the schoolhouse, but they would also go out together and roam around in the forest. They would ride their horses together. Mason would paint pictures for her, and draw for her. They just had a great time together. When he proposed to her, and she accepted. Mason didn't really wanna tell anybody, but she insisted that she had to tell her daughter, and he was like, “Okay, well, you tell your father, and I'll tell my mother and that'll be the only people that we tell.” Earlier, before we got started this was one of those where you could tell I was getting tired of their bullshit and just tired in general. Despite her anonymity, the author of the book gave her a name, that I quite honestly to be fucking hilarious. Dawn O'Day, and I put here, “Like bitch what is she, a leprechaun?”

E&Z: (laughs)

E: The whole that there was, there's this very dramatic story of her birth because Mason's mom a midwife, and though her father was a doctor, he decided it was bad luck to deliver your own baby, so he called for Mason's mother because she was an experienced midwife, and she was actually pregnant with Mason at the time. He and Dawn are only a few months apart in age, so she was born at the brink of day, and so the author was like, her name is Dawn O'Day.

Z: Oh-

E: Yeah

Z:...my god. What's his name again? The author?

E: R. Frank McKinney.

Z: R. Frankly, I don't like it.

E: (laughs) As I said, Mason's mother was the midwife who delivered his eventual sweetheart. What?

Z: Another thing.

E: What?

Z: I wouldn't care about bad luck. Well, I guess this was a different time period. But-

E: Yeah.

Z:...just, it's free. Just have the baby, you ain't gotta worry about it.

E: That's free real estate.

Z: That's free real estate, truly, but I mean, as soon as I said it, I was like “They didn't really have hospital bills.” But!

E: Well here's the thing that bothers me too about this whole debacle in the-I had a lot more of this whole birth scene when I initially was doing my notes because it was just. It's so hard to tell what of this was actually true, and what of it was speculation because everything seems like it was speculation the way that it was written.

Z: Right.

E: Basically there's this whole scene Dawn's mother is obviously in distress, she's in labor, she's in pain, and he just fucking backhands her and tells her to quiet down, and then she dies. Yeah, she fucking dies. She dies in childbirth. Okay first of all, he smacked the hell out of her, she falls back quote, “whimpering onto the pillow,” he drugs her to keep her calmer, and when she does deliver the baby, she dies. And he's like “Oh my god, my wife died, and I slapped her.” Like no shit. First, you shouldn't be slapping your wife in the first place, what the hell? That really-I'm sorry I just got real loud.

Z: No you're fine, speechless.

E: Oh, it frustrated the hell out of me. I could really go on about this book. He slaps the mother of his child, until she literally falls back on the bed, she dies, and that is part of why he was so protective of his daughter. Ironically, in turn, when Mason was born the doctor was the one that they called on to deliver him. This family structure, this community, they're all very tight nit, it's a very small place, they all know each other. As they got older, Dawn was very drawn to Mason because of his skills in the arts. She quickly became friends with him. She was allowed to spend some of her free time hanging out with Mason, but her father said, “Mason Evans is a bright chap, but I just don't have any use for soldiers.” It was speculated that he felt this way because he maybe had something in his past that made him kind of resent the military. A lot of people in this story in particular were draft dodgers for the Revolutionary War, which is a really weird thing to think about.

Z: 100%

E: I don't know why, I never really thought about the Revoutionary War having been-having had a draft. I guess that makes sense?

Z: Yeah.

E: It's possible that that's why he felt that way. He in general was very possessive and protective of his daughter. So she never really brought up the topic of her having any sort of affection for Mason until he proposed to her, and she said, “Well, I have to tell my dad.” She went home, and when she told him that she had intended to marry Mason, they had this massive argument and he forbade her to marry him. As incentive for her to not marry him, he promised her the farm and $1,000.00 in gold if she would turn Mason down. Now, I didn't google how much $1000.00 would have been in 1820 whatever, actually no that was later. I think this is like 1840. This is also one, in your story you had said there aren't a lot of really exact dates. There are very few exact dates in this too. Basically, I have his birth date and his death date and anything pertaining to the Civil War that was recorded by the government, but nothing specific in between. So, he promised her the farm and $1000.00 in gold, and he said, “Compare that to tending babies, scrubbing floors, tilling the ground, never having money of your own, your own husband being gone from home, soldiering, leaving you with all the chores to do. If you're in your right mind, you'll never do it.” And I have here, which, this guy was a raging shithead, but he did make some valid points. I would take that money.

Z: (whispers) Same. And a farm?!

E: A farm?! Yes.

Z: Cottagecore!

E: Yes, exactly.

Z: I don't mean to scream.

E: It's fine. That's how you feel about cottagecore.

Z: I love it, I love it.

E: Dawn didn't go to school the following morning. Mason received a note from her father's gardener, informing him that she would not be in school that day, and her students were to be sent home and return the day following. Mason accepted that, but he was acting very strangely after that. He was very anxious, and his students were taking notice. “At times he would lose his train of thought, stop his teaching, stare into space, and after a moment of silence, would again gain his pupils attention by frequently running his fingers through his hair, laughing foolishly, and whispering to himself.” Students feared that he had been bewitched because they had seen him act similarly at religious camp meetings, writhing, wringing his hands and crying. There's another quote here, “This was the first time anything had happened to him since the time he fell sick at his brother's home in Mississippi several years back.” He had gotten really ill. I don't think they ever said exactly what he had, but he had a very high fever. This is kind of where they think things started to really effect him, because he was kind of-It was a a high enough fever to where it was starting to effect his brain function, and they think that that may have permanently damaged his brain. His brother had actually said he had congestion of the brain, but Mason said, “But I wasn't crazy.” This is another-basically, any quote that I'm gonna say is certainly written by R. Frank McKinney, not by the actual people that said them. It says, “But I wasn't crazy, it was the high fever that caused me to go out of my mind,” he rationalized with himself. Mason had studied enough medicine to know something about fever. If he hadn't became a teacher, he would certainly have became a doctor, as he had said many times before. He wrote all of this behavior off of his anxiety and he told himself that he would see Dawn after class. The gardener came back, and brought him another note, telling him not to leave until Dawn showed up. Which I think is kind of funny, because why send this poor man to the schoolhouse, when you could have just said “She ain't coming to school today, also Mason, hang out for a little bit after.”

Z: Yeah.

E: Put it in the same note!

Z: Yeah.

E: I digress. So Dawn comes up, and they have this fight, she breaks it off with him. She basically does that whole thing of, even though she didn't actually hate him, she played it up like she really hated him, just to make it a cleaner break, which I get, I guess.

Z: Been there.

E: Yeah, it happens. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but that's what happened. He was devastated, and he got on his horse and he rode away into the forest to be alone. After that, he eventually went home, but Mason didn't come inside to get his food like he always did. His mom looked outside and she saw him run into the barn, grab a coat of a hook, and run back into the woods, leaving his horse behind. She said to his brother Milton, “Mason's gone off without his supper, wonder where he's headed for?” Milton replied, “To Panther Cave, I guess.” That's where he's gone a lot lately to write poetry and compose songs for that female school teacher. He said that Panther Cave is the quietest place in the Knobbs for when you wanna meditate.” Now what we'll learn here is that Mason is a douche. Oh, not Mason, sorry, Milton. Milton very much hated this girl. He, the whole time is portrayed as just thinking she has the worst of intentions. He literally calls her a witch at one point. That's another thing about this, all the exaggeration I've talked about before, instead of portraying as what I believe it to be, and what I think most people that would read this in modern times to believe, is that Mason was sick, he had some underlying illness and his behaviors after this point were possibly inflamed by trauma. To me it all reads as very much this man had undiagnosed mental illness in the 1840s. However, they demonize the shit out of Ms. Dawn O'Day.

Z: Great.

E: Constantly talking about Mason is wandering around in the woods just thinking about how he misses her, thinking about how she destroyed his life. Milton is constantly quoted as saying she ruined everything for him, and destroyed his future. It's fucked. Literally, all she did was break up with him.

Z: Right.

E: That really is another beef I have with this book. Panther Cave. Panther Cave is this cave on the western side of Chilhowee Mountain that was as the name implies known for being a hiding place for panthers and it became Mason's primary hide out in the years following this event. His family went looking for him there after he ran away, but they didn't find him because he had already left, and he was on his way back to the house. That evening, they heard someone in the barn and they thought that someone had broken in. When his father went in to investigate, he found Mason sitting on the floor in his horse's stall hugging his legs. Which, they say, this is a great horse, but I would not wanna be down there.

Z: No.

E: A horse could kill you straight up with one kick.

Z: Oh yeah.

E: Not the point.

Z: Mason's crying, he's sitting on the floor hugging his horses legs. He keeps repeating to his family, “I had to see my horse, I had to see my horse, he's the only one that would understand me.” And same, Mason I get it. Listen I understand you. I was a horse kid, okay? My mom still has horses. They're good animals. You still coulda got kicked in the head. His family convinced him to stay and have a meal with them. His mother told him to sit down at the table but he wouldn't. “Instead he began pacing the floor with bodily agitations and jerks. He ran his hands through his hair, jerking his head back and forth, then letting his body fall on the floor, writhing as if in extreme pain. Robert and Milton tried to get him off the floor but he fought them off. Finally, Mason righted himself, began to sing in words never heard before, singing most melodiously, not from the mouth or nose, but but entirely from the breast. I don't-that still boggles my mind, I have no idea. He would run from one end of the kitchen to the other and back again, often barking and grunting with each stroke of his head. His family basically thought what was happening to him was “a spell,” similar to behavior that they had seen people exhibit at Methodist camp meetings. Such as like speaking in tongues, that kinda thing. Mason was obviously in distress and they didn't know what to do. One of his parents said, “Mason's just like the man in the Bible that was possessed by demons, full of unclean spirits, until Jesus sent them into a heard of swine. But what could have caused such a thing? That was another point in which Milton was like, “It's all that woman's fault.” called her a witch. Like I said, they didn't have any idea what was happening because they had no understanding of mental illness or any kind of brain injury, knowledge or anything like that.

Z: Right.

E: So they just tried to make him comfortable and placate him. They finally fed him, and it said, “Mason ate his meal ravenously, with his hands rather than any other utensils. He ate everything they put in front of him and downed two quarts of coffee.” Which sounds like a great day. I would love for that to be me.

Z: Same.

E: I wanna do that.

Z: Same.

E: They tried to convince him to explain what had happened, but he jumped up from the table, grabbed a knapsack from a hook on the wall, and ran back into the woods. His brother Milton was a medical student and he insisted that one day he would become a doctor and he would fix Mason's problems. We're gonna time skip a little bit.

Z: Sure.

E: In July of 1850, there was a 10 day stretch of near constant rain. It brought widespread flooding to the region. Many people were forced out of their homes, and dead animals, human waste, and debris were washing up in massive quantities on the farmland. I feel like I should specify, in this area where this is all taking place. It's a lot of flood planes between mountains, so when it rains, even now, it's really easily flooded. Ten straight days of rain is bad. It was very bad. Mason, at this point, had been living in the wilderness about two years. His father had sold off his horse because Mason wasn't around to care for him. He gave him the money from the sale, he was paid $100.00, and he told Mason that he needed to take it and use it, but Mason didn't want it. He put it in his backpack, and just let this $100 bill get shredded up in his backpack.

Z: Mason.

E: Yeah. He didn't have any use for money, he was out in the woods-

Z: Fair.

E:...and at this point he had become an expert at chicken snatching, taking food from gardens in the middle of the night, anything that he could find, he could eat. He was an expert forager, he knew all the berries and roots and stuff he could eat. He did eat all his meat raw, but he didn't really have anything to cook with in a cave.

Z: You gotta do whatcha gotta do.

E: Yeah, although it's not like he didn't know how to light a fire, it's just he apparently didn't cook his food. That didn't kill him, so I guess it's okay. Disclaimer, if you're listening to this, and you're considering the Mason Evans Diet, don't.

Z: Don't.

E: Don't. Cook your chicken thoroughly. At this point, he'd lived out there for two years. Dogs would bark and chase him up trees and hunters had to come and call them off to rescue him, because they would tree him like a bear. Overall, he was adapting to his new life. He was learning how to function out in the wilderness, but things were about to take a turn because the Evans family was victim to a lot of the flooding damage. They lived right on the banks of the creek and they had to clean up a lot after the storms. By this point, all of Mason's siblings had grown up and moved away and gotten married, so his parents were all alone to deal with this. This is topical, unfortunately, the flooding brought with it something much worse than just property damage, it brought illness. There was an epidemic of typhoid fever, and people just started dropping like flies. Entire families were dead in days. Milton had gone to Knoxville to go to medical school. He was called home, not because they were enlisting all the doctors in the region to care for people, but because both of his parents died like (snaps fingers) immediately.

Z: Jesus.

E: It was horrible. He said, “I wonder how many people thought to boil the water before drinking it.” 'Cause they wouldn't have known.

Z: Right.

E: That was a lot of what was killing people was they were drinking unclean drinking water. The Evans family all came together to make arrangements for their parents, and the question came up, “What do we do about Mason?” Milton, always the spokesman of the group, decided he was going to track his brother down, but when he did find him, he decided to just yell at him. He told him that he was disgusting and that he looked like a wild animal, that he didn't look like a person at all anymore. He told him, “If you'll come and get cleaned up you can go with me, but not before. You can't see Ma and Pa looking like that.” He was just now finding out that his parents had died, he's already traumatized by a number of other things. Mason of course, didn't want to hear it and he ran off into the woods again. He didn't do what Milton told him to do, however he did attend their funeral. He followed the procession of, there was like a wagon with matching white horses that carried their caskets. It's described in this very beautiful and flowery way that honestly, genuinely very sad, and his parents were buried at Hickory Grove Cemetery, while Mason watched from the woods. After that, this is where things are getting up into the Civil War, because we are coming up on the 1860s. At this time, the construction was finishing up on the White Cliff Springs Hotel. It is a very important location in Mason's life, in his history. The owner, Harvey McGill, and instructed Jonas and Betsy Jefferson, the couple that ran the hotel kitchen, to attend to all of Mason's needs. They would feed him, and often, Mr. McGill would come to the kitchen while Mason was there and he would talk to him and kind of give him the scoop on what was going on. I also feel like I should mention at this point, Mason basically went non-verbal. He didn't really speak very much, if at all. At lot of time in the book they describe him as kind of communicating in grunts and hand gestures, but it wasn't that he didn't understand things that people were saying to him. A lot of things in the book kind of-at the same time they're like, “yes, he was brilliant,” there was kind of this air of, “well he didn't talk anymore so he was stupid.” I just want to say, that's not how it works.

Z: Right.

E: You can be nonverbal and understand things, you know.

Z: Yeah.

E: Anyway, that's a whole other spiel for another time. So he would come in, and he would get the hot goss, and he would find out what was going on. He basically learned, at the White Cliffs Hotel, that the war was coming. He learned all about states seceding from the Union and that sort of thing. He was like, “Well, I am of the age of the draft,” he would be draft-able, so he was like, “I gotta hide.” He hunkered down Panther Cave for a little while, a long time, several months I guess? While he was still in hiding there was an accident. He decided that he was afraid of being caught by the authorities, he wasn't even gonna go to the hotel, he was just kinda gonna stockpile supplies, stay in his cave. One night while he was out foraging, he sees this light in the sky. He followed it, and the hotel was on fire. Burning to the ground. He shows up, and the fire marshal is there, and they're like, “Well, there's your fire bug,” and they basically threatened to arrest him. He is very upset, he ends up-they describe him as kind of having a fit. He started convulsing, he was very upset, he didn't know how to communicate that he hadn't been the one to do it because people were basically just accusing him already.

Z: Right.

E: Fortunately, at the same time that this was happening, this woman came forward, and was like, “My daughter knocked a candle over into a laundry basket, and that's what happened.” He was exonerated and he got up and ran away. The hotel burned to the ground. Mason went back to Panther Cave. This is another one of those points in the story where the author speculates that Mason spent much of his time lost in the memory of his ill-fated love affair.

Z: I don't think so.

E: I have here, “Like come on bro, it wasn't that serious.” After that he visited his sister Demaris and her husband Horner Coltharp, and to his surprise, he learned that his brother, Milton, had become a doctor, like he said he would. Instead of doing anything to help Mason, he filed paperwork with the court system in Monroe County to declare Mason a lunatic and subject to the confinement of a lunatic asylum. Milton also sold the land that was willed to Mason, without his consent, and basically was like, “Okay cops, go get him. Lock him up.” Very helpful. So-

Z: I don't like Milton.

E:...yeah, Milton is a shithead!

Z: Truly.

E: Demaris and Horner explained to Mason that Milton had moved away, but he had alerted local authorities to be on the lookout for him. Demaris requested that her husband build a shelter for him, where he could be supervised and he could be safe. Horner Coltharp did what he was asked. He constructed an 8x10 shanty for him, supplied him with food. They implored him not to wander off. He did, of course, try to leave to go back to the forest, and he was captured and chained to the floor. Which was great, because when people heard about this, people would come and just stare at him like he was a fucking zoo animal.

Z: Great.

E: Yeah, but there is a silver lining to this because this group of women heard what was happening to him. They were sympathetic so they came to see him and they brought him some supplies. They asked him if he could make use of a file, and he was like, “Yes, fuck yes, I can use a file. I can get out of here if I have a file.” So they baked him a loaf of bread with a file hidden in it.

Z: (gasps)

E: He was able to eat the bread, get the file out, and escape. How cool is that?

Z: I love that.

E: I know! These vigilante southern mamas are just like, “Nah this is not okay, you can't be doing this. This is a grown man, let him live his life. Let him out, here's a file, go be free!” I have so much respect for that. That's probably my favorite part of this whole story.

Z: I love that.

E: Yeah, so he escaped and he basically-he vowed never to return to his sister's property again because even though they had tried to help him, he didn't wanna get captured again. He continued to wander. He did go back occasionally and visit the White Cliff Hotel because they were constructing a second one, or rebuilding it. But he felt really uncomfortable being around there. He set up a number of outposts throughout the knobs with supplies and shelters where he could hide, should the authorities come to hunt him down again. A lot of people had complained about him raiding their gardens, and stealing their animals. The police never really caught him. Four years passed from the night of the fire and Mason showed up and he was very surprised to find that there was another hermit living there. Well, he wasn't living there, but he was a visitor, and they were treating him the way they were treating Mason, where they would feed him and give him whatever he wanted. His name is Gabriel North, and he'd had a very hard life. He had been fending for himself since childhood due to a strained relationship with his family. The book also implied that he had some mental illness as well and that that might have been effecting the way that his family treated him, so he was on his own. He did, however, have two dogs and Mason did not like dogs. When Harvey McGill was like, “I don't want you two at my hotel at the same time, I think you both should leave, go show him Panther Cave.” Mason was like “Cool, let's go,” Gabriel was like, “Okay well here's my dogs, and the dogs immediately attacked him. Immediately attacked Mason. They get into a fight, he hits the dog, because the dog is trying to attack him, and Gabriel was like “If you ever hit my dog again, you'll regret it Mason.” He kind of explained, “I have a checkered past with dogs, they do not like me,” and Gabriel basically was like, “Okay, cool that's fine. Just don't do it again,” and they became friends. But, another epidemic of illness hit the region. Yellow fever this time, and Gabriel was like, “I don't wanna be around for that. I'm afraid, I don't wanna get sick, I'm leaving.” So he left, and Mason was left alone again. That was in 1878. At this point, the book talks about what Mason had done for companionship previously. Allegedly, he had a couple of different animals for companionship. He had a rooster that he stole from a farm, like a prize rooster. This rooster and him were like BFFs. He kept it in a hollow oak tree that he called his rooster house. It road in his pocket until the action of squeezing in and out of his pocket caused it to loose all it's feathers. So he had a naked chicken that-

Z: (laughs)

E:..that was his best friend.

Z: (still laughing) I love that.

E: I know!

Z: Oh my god!

E: He also befriended a very large yellow tomcat, which followed him around for a long period of time. Now, here's the thing that's kind of icky. The rooster eventually died, and Mason ate it. Which, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say, I get it because he, you know. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive, and he was already catching and killing chickens before that.

Z: Sure.

E: The thing that bothers me about this, is that people were very into the speculation that he ate the cat too.

Z: I was afraid you were gonna say that.

E: I don't know that that happened. That's another thing that is in there just for shock value I think.

Z: I think so too. I feel like he was smart enough to know not to eat the cat.

E: I don't know, and honestly who the hell am I to judge him if he did.

Z: I've never had cat, who knows maybe it's good.

E: Living in a cave in the woods, you forage for all your food. Honor every part of them right.

Z: Yeah...

E: I know that's kind of fucked up to say about a cat but yeah. I just thought that that was-it was just randomly tossed in there between, “Here's a story of the Civil War,” “Mason Evans may have eaten his cat.” Like what??

Z: (laughs)

E: What are you talking about??

Z: Written. Like. A. Tabloid.

E: It must have been a slow news day.

Z: Truly.

E: Anyway, we're finally winding down. In the 1880s, a lot of things began to change. Lumber became a big industry in the Monroe County area, therefore, railroad started moving in. It was also at this time, that The Athenian, the newspaper that printed the pamphlet that I mentioned in the beginning, began it's operation. The publisher was a man named Wilbur F. McCarron. McCarron had promised the people of McMinn County “a newspaper of prestige, one whose literary content would be the best in the nation. There, the people who subscribed to the newspaper could be assured of many interesting features about McMinn, Meigs, and Monroe Counties.” The funny thing about this, is that people were not about this happening because they were like, “We wanna know about politics, we don't give a shit about whatever literature you're trying to bring us.” They also didn't like him because this was in the time period where Democrats and Republicans were flipped values wise-

Z: Right.

E:...and he was a Republican, and I thought it was really funny because they were like, “We don't like republicans around here.” And I was like “Boy you better fast forward 200 years.

Z: You better buckle up!

E: That's all we got. Within a month of the publication's beginning, McCarron came to visit the White Cliff Hotel and he told Mr. McGill that he wanted to know about Mason and eventually write a piece about him. Mr. McGill basically told him that the best person to talk to would be Horner Colthrop, his brother-in-law. When he returned to Athens, McCarron immediately published a series of articles in his paper about quote, “The Wild Man of the Chilhowee.” He recounted the stories of the people who had encountered him through direct interviews. The article stirred up a lot of controversy, and on January 9, 1886, ,the sheriff captured Mason and brought him to the Athens County Jail, and yet again, his capture drew in a lot of spectators. A lot of people came to watch them, arrest him basically and put him in prison. They took his photo on the steps of the courthouse, gave him a change of clothes and sentenced him to an insane asylum in Nashville. Very, for context, Monroe County is like the bottom eastern corner of Tennessee. Nashville is 4 hours away?

Z: Yeah, like three of four.

E: Three or four hours away, so that's very far from anything he's every known. In The Athenian, Mr. McCarron wrote, “Till a short time ago, Mason Evans kept with regularity the date of his birth, the day of the week, the month, and the year, and when urged to do so, would write a few sentences and solve problems with as much exactness as the days of yore. But age is creeping upon him. His eyesight is failing, and the little spark of passion and the reason that should have never left him is gradually being extinguished. It was only by the exercise of strategy and urgent persuasion he was induced without using force to come down from his mountain home and get into a wagon waiting to convey him into town, a distance of some 15-20 miles.” Mason did not want-whether they forced him or not, he did not want what they took him to do. He attempted to escape several times. So far as to get the start of his guards, several 100s of yards going at full speed toward the mountains. Mostly reports said that he was harmless, but a few people had said that in his older age he would get confused, he would lash out a little bit. What it actually said was, “attacks of raving lunacy.” Which, yikes. A few weeks later, McCarron wrote that Mason was taken the McMinn County Poorhouse. Once he arrived there, he very quickly made his escape. He walked a distance of around 20 miles back to his brother-in-law's house. Horner Colthrop provided him a shelter to stay in at night and he was free to roam during the day. Which is kind of what the situation was before, but this time there wasn't really much of an issue with it. He actually used the shelter he was given, the cops didn't try to come take him away, they all kind of came to an agreement. At this point, things were really, finally starting to calm down for him. During the winter of 1891-1892, Mason stayed in the cabin intermittently. He continued to visit the White Cliff kitchens and he was very grateful for the services that they gave him, because he was 68 years old, and his health was beginning to decline. Any food that they could give him, any warmth, he was grateful for. Unfortunately, on the morning of January 11, 1892, Mason's body was found frozen sitting under a tree. His brother-in-law claimed his remains, and Mason was buried in a simple wooden casket near his parents at Hickory Grove Cemetery. For 40 years, he had lived alone in the wilderness, kept himself alive. I think that that is fucking crazy.

Z: Truly.

E: Obviously, if you threw me out there now, given that I am of the-I'm on the millenial/gen z cusp. I've basically always had a cell phone in my hand. I would not last a day.

Z: I can't even poop in the woods.

E: Exactly! Thank you! I know it was a different time but wow. 40 years, completely alone.

Z: Yeah.

E: Didn't have a house, lived in a cave. Finally I have a quote here from Harvey McGill, the owner of the White Cliff Hotel who said, “Mason Evans is much better off dead than alive and Hickory Grove is a much better place than the shack he lived in. The final resting place of his soul is with God, I am sure.” That is-

Z: That's sweet.

E:...the story of Mason Evans.

Z: Oh my god. I am still shook about those women.

E: I know.

Z: The loaf of bread.

E: It's so cool. It's so cool.

Z: Oh my god.

E: That just goes to show you. That's the definition of southern hospitality.

Z: Truly.

E: Truly.

Z: Well, thank god I finally know all about Mason.

E: I'm sorry that was so long-

Z: Nah.

E:...for our first run, but I really just needed to

get that one off my chest. Fortunately, it had given me kind of a branching off of some other topics that I want to cover too. I definitely want to talk more about the White Cliff Hotel and I am actually planning on doing an episode on sinkholes.

Z:OOooo.

E: Caves and sinkholes are all kind of connected. So that's that. Thank you for listening.

Z: Of course.

E: What's your issue this week?

Z: My issue this week, and-okay there is a side of TikTok-

E: I'm afraid now.

Z:...currently, and again, brain worms. My issue this week is cleantok. Cleaning TikTok.

E: Ooo, that sounds nice.

Z: I'm gonna do a little bit of a trigger warning here-

E: Oh, okay.

Z:...for child abuse.

E: Okay...

Z: Because skip ahead like 2 minutes, if you don't want to hear about this, but-

E: I was not expecting this.

Z:...have you ever read the book A Child Called It?

E: No, but I know about it. I know like the general plot.

Z: There's a scene where household chemicals are mixed and it's supposed to be-

E: Oh.

Z: Okay.

E: Like the mustard gas?

Z: Yeah, pretty much.

E: I think I know where this is going.

Z: There's this side of TikTok now where people are like, “We're on cleantok, we're gonna clean.” and they'll dump half a container of AJAX, Clorox, Dawn, literally everything under the-

E: Ammonia.

Z: Ammonia, everything and that's just where my brain goes is mixing chemicals together and making deadly toxic gases and I'm just waiting, because there's livestreams of people that'll just go live and dump-

E: Yeah, I've seen a couple of those videos where people are just throwing in 4 different kinds of powder and dumping multiple liquids on top of it.

Z: Yeah!

E: How are you not dead? Someone's gonna get hurt.

Z: Truly, and that's where my brain went. I was like, someone is going to not realize it. 'Cause it's science, they're chemicals. You're mixing shit together, you don't know what you're mixing. Somethings going to happen, someone is going to get hurt, because these people on TikTok are like “Oh I'm going to make a rainbow in my toilet today.”

E: Can I say, I feel like a lot of that we don't have home-ec in schools anymore.

Z: Yeah.

E: Because I learned, my mom was the one that told me, don't mix ammonia and bleach cause you'll make mustard gas, but I don't know if that's actually true. I know that it makes something that is very dangerous, but that is kind of where you would learn about these household things. Schools are so underfunded that you don't have that anymore.

Z: Yep.

E: That's just sad.

Z: Well, that was my issue. Sorry to get a little dark there for a second but truly I saw just one video, and you know how TikTok is, they'll be one here or there, and it really made me mad.

E: Well, hey, PSA don't do that. Don't mix things.

Z: Please.

E: Do your research if you're going to use multiple chemicals because, because holy shit you could literally gas yourself to death.

Z: Here's the tea. One is enough.

E: Yeah, most of the time.

Z: Scrubbing bubbles? Fine.

E: Yeah.

Z: Dawn Dishwashing Liquid? Fine. Don't start mixing shit. You don't need to. That's what they're there for.

E: Yes, yes. Please be safe. Please don't get hurt.

Z: What's your issue now that I'm all worked up?

E: My issue, maybe this is dark, my issue is honestly that I had to take Brownie to the emergency vet.

Z: Yeah.

E: 'Cause that was a nightmare.

Z: Yeah.

E: I had to take my sweet little boy to the vet because I came home from work and he had poopied blood and I was terrified and I thought he was gonna die. It turns out that he just had a mild infection, and he's had his antibiotics. He's good to go now. We did his follow up, and the vet said he looked fine. His issue this week is probably the fact that they shaved that funky chunk out of the side of his neck, because they had to give him fluids, so he has this wonky ass-it looks like the state of South Carolina.

Z: Have you ever seen that episode of Bob's Burgers where he gets the stitch in his finger-

E: Yes!

Z:...and he's like, “Why did you shave my arm?”

E: That is exactly it, yeah. God that's such-I love Bob's Burgers.

Z: Same.

E: But yeah, that's my issue. He's fine. I'm still-I don't think I'm ever gonna recover from that. That was so stressful. He's okay and he's standing here staring at me because it's been two hours, and he probably needs to poop.

Z: He probably needs to poop.

(dog shaking his head noises)

E: Yeah.

Z: We'll take that as a yes.

E: Alright, well, thanks for listening.

Z: Of course, thanks for listening to me ramble, thanks for listening to Em ramble.

E: Thanks for really listening to me ramble.

E&Z: (laughs)

Z: Well we'll hopefully see you next time, hopefully we'll see you next time, I'm really excited for my topic next week.

Z: Hi guys.

E: Hey.

Z: How's it going? So when we initially recorded this episode, we didn't have all of our social media set up completely. There were a couple that had different usernames or whatever, just rookie mistakes that we had made, but we just wanted to rerecord the ending here. Kinda touch base with you, so you know exactly where to find us so there's no confusion, and we're all on the same page. So Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube @issues-podcast. Our Tumblr is @theabandonmentissues. Or you can simply go to our LinkTree whick is linktr.ee/issues_podcast. And all of this will be linked in the description below. But that's got all of our relevant links including our cited sourced, social media, and our Patreon can be found there as well.

E: We also have an email for listener story submissions now. So if you have any places nearby you that you think are relevant to the topics that we cover, we would like to hear from you. You can send those to us at tellusyourissue@gmail.com, and we might read it out on the air.

Z: You never know what could happen.

E: You never know. You can also send whatever you want to that email. Anything you want us to know. Anything relevant.

Z: Send us memes. We'll print them out, and we'll hand them to Gertrude.

E: Exactly. Yeah.

Z: No problem.

E: That should pretty much cover everything, contact wise.

Z: We appreciate you guys understanding that we're fools.

E&Z: (laughs)

E: We're just some fresh faced youngsters.

Z: Listen, we're little rookies, we gotta figure it out as we go, and unfortunately this is one of them.

E: If you need anything from us, that's were you can find us.

Z: Please, send me memes.

E: (laughs) Please. It's what keeps him going.

Z: It's all I got left in this world.

E: Yeah.

[blerbdrops]

New Kid (Billy Hargrove X F!Reader)

Howdy, here is chapter three of New Kid. I’m slow at writing but I try my best for you all.

Summary: You’re new in Hawkins, hailing from the big city on the east coast. As a city kid, you think you’ve been stuck here to suffer in a small town, but there’s a certain someone who shakes it all up. 

Warnings: Smoking, swearing. The usual.

Taglist: @salemlysi​ @asheseiler

You turned around, pivoting on the balls of your feet. You met Billy’s gaze, taken aback by how blue his eyes are. Your heartbeat quickened at the sight of him. You took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly in an attempt to assuage it. 

“Sure. What do you wanna talk about?” You asked him. He takes a small step towards you. 

“What the hell was that earlier today? In the cafeteria?” 

You pursed your lips, letting a sigh escape from your nose. “It wasn’t obvious? I didn’t want you thinking you could kick my friends ass in a lunchroom brawl and be able to get away with it. Consider it.. my way of de-escalating the situation.” He ran his fingers through his hair, the slightest flush of embarrassment spreading across his cheeks.

“How is he your friend? You literally just met him today.” 

“First impressions are everything. He showed me, a new kid and total stranger, kindness. That’s why he’s my friend.” You turn away from him to open and unlock your car door to leave the parking lot. You got in, shut the door, and pushed the key into the ignition, revving your engine.

Rolling down your window, you leave Billy with one last message. “If you even think of so much as laying a finger on him again, your ass is grass. Watch your toes, pretty boy.”

Billy steps back as you peel out of the parking lot, AC/DC playing out of your car stereo. He remembers what you had told him earlier, perched atop your trunk:

 “Being nice gets you the things you want.” 

---

You pull into the driveway, your dads car already there. Unlocking the front door, you took off your shoes and shut the door. Your father was in the kitchen, reading the paper with his feet resting on the table.

“Hey Dad!” You greeted him with a smile. “Get your feet off the table, we eat there!” You laugh, setting your stuff down on the ground and sitting next to him. 

He set aside the local newspaper, giving you his full attention. “Hey, kiddo. How was your first day today? Make any friends?” 

“Just one. His name is Steve, he’s pretty cool. Plays basketball for the school.” You continue. “He almost got beat up today. Today was kind of strange.”

Your dad raises his eyebrows, looking a bit concerned. You then go on to give him a play-by-play of your day, not leaving out any key points of the day. 

“And there’s this boy thats kinda been on my back all day. Name’s Billy. He’s got a mullet and thinks he’s like.. Hot shit. He tried to fight Steve at lunch today, but I got him to lay off.”

Your dad sends you a concerned look. “And how did you do that, sweetpea?” 

“I got him right on the pressure point right above the collarbone and told him to leave Steve alone. It worked!”

He chuckles, shaking his head and getting up to go ruffle your hair. “You are your mothers child. I’m going down to my study to finish editing some articles for the paper. If you have homework, and I know you do, now is your time to play catch up.” 

“Wait! Dad. That kid, Billy?” He listened. “He’s uh.. persistent.”

“What do you mean, ‘persistent’?” 

“He keeps on egging me on. Flirting? I don’t know what it is. It’s annoying. Boys are annoying.” 

He chuckles. “I know, kiddo. If it gets worse, you let me know.”

You smile at him as he steps out and goes down to his study, which was the basement. You took out your work and began studying for that english quiz. 

In the midst of your studies, you hear a knock at the door. Confused, you hesitantly walk to the front door. Opening it slowly, you only begin to get more confused. 

“Steve? What the hell? How do you know where I live?” 

“I live like.. three houses down from you. I recognized the car, thought I’d stop by and visit my friend.”

“Oh, cool! Well that’s nice of you. Do you want to come in?” You opened the door, allowing Steve to enter your house. Steve walks in, taking in the view of your house. 

“Nice place (y/n)! It’s so quiet though. No sisters, brothers?” 

“Yeah no, I’m an only child. It’s just me and my dad.”

As if on cue, your dad comes up from his study, his reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He looks at you, then at Steve, then back to you. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“(y/n), who is this?” 

You chuckle lightly. “Dad, this is Steve. He’s my new friend, and our neighbor. He lives three houses down from us.” 

Steve extends his hand for a handshake. “Nice to meet you, uh, Mister (y/n)’s dad.”

Your dad lets out a hearty laugh, returning to Steve with a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, Steve. I appreciate the formality, but no need for it.” 

“Alright, is it okay if I call you pop?” 

“Fine with me.” He chuckles. “If you two will excuse me, I’m going to go back down to my office and finish my work. These papers won’t edit themselves, you know.” He gives one little wave and descends down into his study. 

You sit back down at the kitchen table, Steve following behind you. He puts his bag at an empty seat and began to take out his english notebook. 

“Aw, you wanna be my study buddy?” You smiled at Steve.

“Yeah, I need help understanding what the hell this Shakespeare guy is saying. I don’t speak this kind of english.” 

“Alright, I got you. Don’t sweat it.” You go over your notes and explain/translate Othello to Steve for two long hours. 

“Do you get it now? Do you see why Iago got Cassio drunk?” You say, watching the gears tinker around in Steve’s brain. You can see the light bulb above his head turn on. “(y/n), you’re a GENIUS! You’re the best. Now I can hopefully pass that quiz Mister Kowalski is giving us tomorrow.”

You groaned at the thought of the quiz. “What gives? I just got here and I’m swamped! Ms. McCarthy and the math teacher are the only ones giving me some wiggle room.”

Steve laughs. “I told you he was a dick, you just didn’t believe me!” He begins to pack his bags in order to get ready to go home, before it got too dark. 

“Oh hey! (y/n), what are you doing tomorrow night?” Steve asks, grinning. 

“I don’t know. Chemistry? Why, what’s going on?” 

“Uh, wrong answer, nerd. Come with me and Nancy to this party tomorrow. It’ll be good for you. I promise.”

You furrow your eyebrows at him. “Um. Who’s Nancy?”

“Oh! Yeah right! You haven’t met her yet, she wasn’t at school the day you came. Nancy is my girlfriend. She’s the best.” Steve said admiringly, a light flush on his cheeks as he thought about his girlfriend. You thought it was so cute seeing Steve get all soft about his girl.

“Well, she sounds lovely. I can’t wait to meet her.” You give a kind smile to Steve, and he returns it to you. 

Steve zips his bag up and slings it over his shoulder, almost out the door. “Hey, wait a sec. You never answered my question!” 

“What was it again?”

“Party tomorrow. Are you coming?”

“Hm.. yeah sure. I’m game.” Steve celebrates with a quiet but excited yes! “Only on the condition you’re my ride. I refuse to drive my car when I’m going to a party.”

Steve nodded understandingly. “Whatever it takes for you to have a good time. I gotcha. See you tomorrow (y/n)!” Steve gives you a quick hug and you see him out the door. What a nice kid, you thought to yourself. You gathered your things and went upstairs to your room, getting ready to take a shower and read yourself to sleep, eager for tomorrow to come. 

--

Tomorrow morning came and you walked into Mr. Kowalski’s class on time. You decided to wear a white pleated skirt that stopped just above your knees, your dads old knit green sweater with a white collared shirt underneath, white bobby socks and black oxfords. Your hair was tied up into a tight ponytail with a white scrunchie. You walked over to the same seat you had been in, right next to Hawkins High resident jackass. 

Billy eyed you up and down, taking in your entire outfit like he’d never see it again. He liked how your ponytail would sway and bob with your motions, and how your skirt flounced with every step you took. He wanted to know what you really looked like, underneath all the baggy layers you’d wear. 

“Good morning, (y/n). You look nice today.” Billy gave way to a soft smile, raising one of his eyebrows.

You were taken aback for a second. Billy Hargrove, addressing you by your name and not one of the pet names that he likes to use? Whats next, he throws a hanky over wet puddles for you to walk across so your feet don’t get wet? 

You wish. 

“Good morning Billy. And thank you, I appreciate the compliment.” You smoothed out your skirt to take your seat properly. 

“You ready for this quiz?” He asked, trying to initiate small talk.

“Duh. I’m always ready.” You joke, pretending to brush dust off of your shoulder. This gets a chuckle out of Billy, and you get to see his smile. His perfect white smile, with plump pink lips to match. Talk about an oral fixation. “In all honesty though, at my old school we read Othello as juniors, not seniors. So I’m pretty confident. Are you ready, though?”

“Hell no I’m not.” You chuckle and shake your head as Mr. Kowalski hands out the quiz. You skim the questions on the quiz. Piece of cake. 

“Okay class! The quizzes are out. No talking, no noise. When you are done, come to my desk and put it in the bin. When you finish, you may use your free time as a study hall or to do silent activities. You may begin.” 

Once he finishes talking, you write in your answers, confident in yourself. You look over to your left and see Billy trying his best. You half-smile at him and peek in the back corner to see Steve. Steve is writing so hard and fast you swore you saw the end of his pencil steaming. You got back to your own quiz, finishing it in record time. You double-checked your answers, and got up to turn it in. 

You were the first in the class to finish. Billy lost his focus when he heard you shift from out of your seat to go up to the teachers desk. He was fixed on your gait. He liked watching you walk, how your hips swayed, and how you stuck your pencil behind your ear as you talked to the teacher. 

You returned to your seat and took out a sheet of chemistry practice problems and began working on them. The more you do now, the less you have to do later, right?

Not too long after, Billy goes up to hand in his quiz to the teacher. His heavy boots resonated through the classroom, taking your attention away from your work. You watch him walk up to the desk, sandy blonde curls bouncing ever so slightly with his gait. He had on blue Levi’s 501 jeans that fit him perfectly, cupping his ass and shaping it well. You had to admit it, he’s a hot guy. Would you tell him? Absolutely not. 

He turns around and walks back to his desk to take his seat, shooting you a wink before he sat back down. Other students were still testing. He took out a piece of paper and started writing. He folds the paper and tosses it on your desk. Hearing the little plip of paper land on your desk, you raise an eyebrow and unfold it to read the message. 

What are you doing tonight? 

You write back, Going out to a party. Steve’s giving me a ride there. You re-folded the note and tossed it on his desk. He opens it, scoffs and writes back. 

Lame, should’ve came with me instead. I hope I’ll be seeing you there. 

You rolled your eyes and chuckled. You looked at him and nodded your head, confirming you’d be there. He smirked at you, and shot you one last wink. As the last student handed in their quiz, the bell went off. “Alright, class dismissed! And no homework for the weekend.”

The rest of your classes came and went, and soon it was lunch again. You looked across the room to look for Steve, but to no avail. Until someone tapped your shoulder, causing you to jump.

“Woah (y/n)! Chill out. It’s just me! Steve.” He laughs. “You should’ve seen your face!”

“Dude! Don’t sneak up on me like that. Not cool!” You chuckle, going to sit at the lunch table with him. Another girl comes and sits next to him, kissing him on the cheek. “Hi Steve!” 

“Hey, Nance. (y/n), this is Nancy, my girlfriend. Nancy, this is (y/n), she’s new here, new to Hawkins.” Steve introduces the two of you.

Nancy was shorter than Steve, with brown hair and big eyes, like Bambi. She was cute, and you thought her and Steve made a lovely couple. 

“Hey (y/n), are you going to that party tonight?” Nancy asked. 

“Yeah, I am!” 

Steve interjects, “She’s only going because I’m going to go pick her up. She lives like.. three houses down from me. And she doesn’t wanna drive her hot rod.”

“Hot rod?” Nancy asked, confused. “What kind of car do you have?”

You shrugged. “A ‘67 Ford Mustang. It’s blue. And I’m not driving it because I plan on getting absolutely trashed.”

Nancy nodded. “Fair enough. I’m going to be at Steve’s getting ready, and we’ll come and get you tonight, say around eight?”

“Sounds good to me!” 

---

You’re in the library for your last period, study hall. You had just finished catching up with the last of your chemistry work, so that meant you had no pending responsibilities for the weekend and it sure did feel good. You packed your bag and headed out the front door, headed towards your car in the parking lot. You see Billy’s car right next to yours, with him leaning on the back of his Camaro. 

“Shouldn’t you be in class or something, Billy?” You asked him. 

“I could be asking you the same question, bookworm.” 

You giggled at the nickname. “If you must know, hot-shot, I finished all my work and I have a study hall for my last period. Surely they won’t mind if I leave early.”

“Then that makes the two of us, gorgeous.” He smirks at you, offering a cigarette. You accept it, as you begin to pull out your lighter he whips out his zippo lighter. You hold your mouth with the cigarette over the flame, taking a breath in. 

“Thanks, Billy.” You said, exhaling the smoke. 

“No problem. Thought it was only fair, you let me bum one of yours.” He continued, “So, you’re really coming to that party?”

“Yes dude! I am. Steve is picking me up from my house. I’m not driving.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I plan on getting absolutely wasted.” 

This gets a good laugh out of Billy. “In that case, I guess I’ll see you tonight gorgeous.” He winks at you and gets into his car. 

Your cheeks flushed when Billy called you gorgeous. You wondered if he had noticed.

----

A/N: Here’s chapter three as promised! Hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoy writing it. If you like it let me know! I’m here for you.

[pikapeppa]

11 Questions Meme

I was tagged for this AGES ago by @lyrium-lovesong - thanks love! ❤️

Rules: answer the questions of the person who tagged you, come up with 11 new ones, and tag 11 new people.

I’m gonna be lazy and reuse @lyrium-lovesong‘s questions because I quite like them. Tagging back to @lyrium-lovesong, and forward to @schoute @essequamvideri20 @chillyrose @mistressdreadwolf @emileoutofit @littlesnowarrow @faerieavalon @aban-asaara @charlatron @alyssalenko @obvidalous and I think that’s more than 11 LOL

1. What did you want to be when you were a kid? Did that pan out?

I wanted to be an artist! Specifically a comic artist. Garfield, Calvin & Hobbes, Zits and For Better Or For Worse were my favourites. I used to draw little comics of stuff I wanted to happen (vacations I was looking forward to, boys I had crushes on LOL). I did that until I was in high school, actually. And no, that didn’t pan out. Now the only people whose eyes are assaulted by my shitty sketches are @schoute and @essequamvideri20 HAHAHAH.

2. What’s one regular self-care ritual you do for yourself that you treasure?

Errr... I guess yoga. I have an app on my phone and I try to do little routines (15-30 minutes) 5 days a week, because I’m an old lady with lower back pain and horrendous posture. The stretches actually really help.

3. If you could have one wish to grant purely for altruistic purposes (without worrying about any of those shitty “be careful what you wish for” gotcha scenarios that genies love to spring on you), what would you choose?

AHHH THIS IS A COLE QUESTION. Like “if you were Cole, what one thing would you do”. FUUUCK. Um. Okay, there’s a quote early in Inquisition when you’re talking to Cole and he describes what he does as finding the “pearl of pain” that people get knotted inside, and that he "shakes it loose. No pearl, no pain.” I feel like most people have that pearl that sits inside of them and catches other tangles of pain with it, and if I could, I wish I could find that pearl for some of my closest friends/family members and shake it loose so they could heal.

4. Favorite pizza topping combo?

Pesto chicken and goat cheese. Yum. 

5. You have $500 to spend on yourself, but there’s a catch–it has to be on something totally frivolous. What do you buy?

A leather jacket. I’ve got a faux-leather one that I love but it’s falling apart (literally crumbling apart) and I’m very heartbroken about it.

6. What was the make and model of your first car, if you drive? How old were you when you got it?

n/a - I drive, but I’ve never owned a car.

7. You’re buying (or building!) your dream house, and money is no object. Describe your new home.

Oh shit oh shit. HAHA I feel like the fiance has clearer ideas about this than I do so my ideas are heavily influenced by his. Modern style; ideally a large condo rather than a house, actually. Big kitchen with an island in the center so people can sit with me while I cook, or so I can write in there while something is in the oven. Airy, bright, black and white and chrome furniture (for the fiance) with colourful and cozy blankets and cushions for me. 

8. What’s your favorite smell?

The smell of our bed? It smells like scented body lotion and nice clean sleepy bodies. IS THAT TMI???

Otherwise, lilacs.

9. Describe your earliest memory.

This is by no means the earliest, but one of my MOST MEMORABLE early childhood memories was being present in the hospital room when my younger sister was being born. I was 6. My mom was screaming. I don’t know why the fuck my parents wanted me and my older brother to be there HAHAHAHAHAH. I’m by no means traumatized or anything but DO I EVER REMEMBER THAT.

10. You just found out you have a year left to live. What’s on your bucket list?

Finishing my Fenquisition fic. Writing at least as much of Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me that Piperford and FenRynne get together. Eloping in Iceland with my fiance. 

11. Share a photo you have saved on your computer or phone that you love. What is it about this image that brings you joy?

Okay, this is a sappy one. It’s this super-quick Fenris/Rynne Hawke sketch that @schoute drew for me at the beginning of February this year.

At the time she sent me this sketch, I was in Florida in the ICU with my grandmother who had just had a stroke a couple weeks before and was actively dying of complications from the stroke. I spent two nights in the ICU with my grandmother because none of us wanted her to be alone, and I spent a lot of that time writing the last chapter of Tantrum and a Know-It-All Grin on my phone and blabbing to Scouty about anything that was NOT my grandmother because DISTRACTIONS ARE BAE lol. And then out of the blue she sent me this FenRynne sketch and she was just like “HERE TO CHEER YOU UP” and BOY HOWDY DID I ALMOST LOSE MY SHIT. This was the first FenRynne art anyone made for me and it was the best thing to cheer me the fuck up and also give me all the feels. Basically this sketch is both ADORABLE as hell and also basically the definition of friendship? Soooo there you go, have some feelings! 

ANYWAYYYYYY LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERYONE ELSE’S ANSWERS HEY ❤️

[fanficsandmoregalore]

My Beating Heart Chapt 3

Jason voorhees x reader

Summary: The camp won't fix itself, but there a few snags along the way. Jason finally confronts the stranger that is invading his camp but things don't go as planned.

You were on a boat with your parents out on the ocean, they had taken you fishing. It was a hobby you shared with your parents. It was a nice, cool, summer day and you were still very young, having just turned 5 this year. You sat on the end of the boat with your fishing pole, happily awaiting a fish to bite. You heard someone talking behind you but couldn't understand what was being said. Suddenly, the boat started up and began to move, and then move faster. In the blink of an eye, you were whipped off the boat and fell into the water. You swam to the surface as fast as you could and tried to call out to your parents only to see that there were no boats on the water, and there wasn't an inch of land around either. Everything had disappeared except the water around you. You started to panic and then you felt something touch your foot. You tried to scream but no sound came out. As if to punish you, the unkown thing in the water pulled you under.

You shot up in bed, covered in sweating and having a hard time trying to catch your breath. You heard knocking coming from the front door and groaned as you got out of bed. As you went downstairs to the front door, you saw the time on the grandfather clock. 6:25 A.M.

You opened the door and saw a man, maybe in his early 30's, in tan Deputy's clothes. He had jet black hair that was slicked back, pale skin like he's never seen the sun, and was really thin. He blushed as he made eye contact with you.

"Um, howdy miss."

"Morning, officer. What can i do for you?"

"Did you know the 3 boys staying across that there lake? They was staying in a lodge."

"Yeah. I had a very unpleasant encounter with them lastnight. They threw me in the lake and drove off. Some welcome party, but i haven't seen them since. Why? Are they making complaints about me?"

The man shook his head and began to struggle to take folded up pieces of paper out of his pocket. He handed them to you and you began to unfold them.

"No, miss. They're dead."

You gasped as you saw the same three boys from last night, completely mutilated, laying in mud and dead leaves. One of them had a bear trap over his knee and another had a huge slash down his chest. You handed the pictures back to the Deputy with shaking hands and covered your mouth.

"Oh my god. Who would do something so horrible?"

The deputy put his hands in his pockets trying to look cool but it wasnt working.

"Well, that's what i'm here to find out. Do you know anything?"

You looked at the man and aggressively shook your head, fear was very obvious in your eyes.

"No! I thought they were alive until just now."

The man gave you a suspicious look and you frowned.

"You don't think i did it, do you? I just got here yesterday!"

"And what exactly are you doin' here? It's seems mighty coincidental that you show up and of a sudden 3 boys are dead."

"Look, my parents bought this place and sent me out to start repairs until they get here. I spent all day, after i got here and unpacked, fixing things and cutting grass. Those boys threw me in the lake and drove off, that's the last i saw of them."

The man looked around the campground. It did look nicer than it had in recent years. The Deputy looked back at you and looked you up and down.

"Alright, miss. I'll be back again tomorrow for follow up questions. Until then, i suggest you stay inside with locked doors and wind'as. Have a nice day."

You watched as the Deputy got into his car and drove off. You huffed and went back inside, being sure to lock the door behind you. You went around the house and locked all the doors and windows, just like the Deputy said to. You weren't about to let yourself get murdered, there was too much work to be done. Not bothering to change out of your pajamas, You decided to start a pot of coffee then went to give your parents a call. You had no service so you resorted to using the older phone that was in the house. Nothing. You began to panic but immediately calmed yourself. You knew how to take care of yourself, you knew everything was going to be okay.

You decided to spend the day cleaning the inside, mainly for your safety, but it was also supposed to rain later that night. And so it did. It was a heavy rain and it soothed you with every drop that hit the large cabin you were in. You cuddled up in a warm blanket by the fire, closed your eyes and just listened to the rain and the crackling of the fire. Trying to forget everything.

Knock.

You tried to ignore the sound.

Knock.

It was closer this time but you stayed in your cozy position, trying to remain calm.

KNOCK.

"Shit."

You said to yourself as you opened your eyes and got up, you grabbed the fireplace poker, the closest thing to you that could be used as a weapon. You looked around didn't see anything out of the ordinary and the knocking had stopped. You went upstairs and looked around, it was normal up there, too. You went back downstairs and assumed that you were just being over dramatic. When you reached the bottom of the stairs, the front door was open, letting in the rain, and the lights were off. There were wet, muddy, bootprints on the floor. You followed them with your eyes and looked up to see a tall, dark figure in the middle of the living room, soaking wet, holding a machete in his hands. You freeze in absolute fear, not able to make a run for safety. The figure starts to walk towards you, lifting his machete, getting ready to kill you. You tried to think of something to do and did the only thing that came to mind.

"Stop that!" You demanded angrily. The figure freezes and looks at you, confused, you begin to sweat nervously.This surely wasn't going to work on the stranger but it was worth a try.

"Uh....yeah! You heard me, mister! You could really hurt someone with that thing!"

The figure continued walking towards you and you shook your finger at him.

"Hey! Stop, um, tracking mud. Didn't your mother teach you any manners... or something...?"

You were trying to keep a serious face but were panicking on the inside. You didn't know how much longer you could keep this man from atracking you. There was silence for a moment but then the figure started walking in your direction again. You held still as the figure, surprisingly, walked pass you to the door and went outside. Now was your chance. You slammed the door shut and ran to the back door.

You were outside, in the woods, barefoot, soaking wet from the rain and sweat. You were running for your life. But you could still hear heavy footsteps and crunching behind you. You panted as you kept running and then suddenly, you tripped, cursing yourself to fall for such a horror movie cliché. You felt an immense pain around your ankle and looked down to see a bear trap around it. You screamed and winced in pain. And to make things worse, your new "buddy" came walking over to you. Laid on your back, exhausted from the running and pain. You began to let tears fall down your cheeks.

"Ugh. Just kill me." You said. You closed your eyes and waited for the second of pain before your death. However, that's not what happened at all. You felt the pressure of the bear trap loosen and someone removing your foot from it. You looked to see the figure that had been chasing you. You backed away a bit from him once he released your foot from his grip. He looked at you and all you could do was stare back. He was wearing a hockey mask, some old tattered jacket over a ripped up shirt, some old pants and boots. He was scary, indeed, but right now, something about him seemed to soothe you and distract you from the pain.

"Um....thanks." you said. The figure stood up and it made you flinch but then you noticed he was offering you a hand to help pull you to your feet. You cautiously accepted his help and stood on one foot, while limping on the other. You felt instantly felt dizzy and blacked out.

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #0

At first I thought Beast Boy had a tiny erection.

Steel seems upset that Arsenal's new roster of Titans are just kids because he obviously hasn't been paying attention to the adjective before "Titans" during the last several decades. I can see why he'd be upset though. He wants the Titans to sign a contract to work with the government and teenagers probably can't sign the contract legally without parental consent. And how is he going to get that?! One of the other major features of the Titans over the last several decades is that their parents were all assholes and psychopaths. Looks like The New Titans can't work for the government! The government probably should have figured out all the details before paying off all of the Titans' debt and giving them a satellite.

I don't mean to sound ableist but Changeling is fucking disgusting.

Fine, I did mean to sound ableist. Changeling's new disability makes me sick. I didn't mind when he would turn into an elephant or a rhino or a gorilla because then he only had one giant swinging dick. Now he's 95% penises! Sorry, I don't mean to sound homophobic but did I also mention the penises are also green and that one of the newer commercials for a class action lawsuit against a diabetes drug asks if you suffered from genital gangrene? See, now you're sick too!

These two guys from New Jersey are trying to catch a few of Gar's penises in their mouths.

Crimelord (remember him from Deathstork the Hunted #0? I guess he's the new evil nemesis of the Titans universe. And maybe the entire DC Universe!) is causing chaos in America, almost blowing up the World Trade Center seven years before it's supposed to get blown up. But the new New Titans are out to stop his henchmen. Those Titans are Arsenal, Damage, Terra, Mirage, and Changeling. The henchmen are men in giant robot armor, some jerk named Slagg, and a misshapen woman named Coven.

I didn't think she was misshapen until this panel.

Although maybe it's not Coven's fault. I think maybe there's something wrong with my eyes.

Is there an optical condition that makes you see people as having giant thighs?!

If there were an optical condition like the one I described in the previous caption, it would probably be call Brettbootharacts. Is Mirage still pregnant with Deathwing's rape baby? What are the negative consequences of battling super villains while being pregnant? I bet it's worse than drinking too much alcohol while pregnant! Notice I said "too much alcohol"? You can drink while pregnant. Non-American adults do it all the time! I mean, not "all the time" because that's actually the problem. But in moderate quantities, your baby will be fine! Probably! And even if it isn't, it's just a stupid new baby! You just met it! How attached can you be?

I have to admit: I thought about all the people who would probably get choked up reading this line about the World Trade Center and said a little prayer for them. Poor bastards. They're the real victims, having to be sad for the rest of their lives.

There's this terrible conservative game show on Fox called Spin the Wheel. Here was my first reaction to it which I wrote on Twitter or somewhere else on the Internet: Spin the Wheel is right-wing fantasy of what they wish television was. The only people who get a chance to win lots of money are ones they think deserve the chance. When discussing the Las Vegas shooting, they just call it a "tragedy" and never mention what actually happened. It's called "Spin the Wheel" but it should be called "Touch the Wheel." Um, that's evidence that they ignore reality while still believing things are what they are because they say they are (and also the audience chants the "truth" the entire time). Although the best part is the rift they're causing in these "deserving" families because the idiot trusted family member keeps costing the family millions of dollars. Oh, sure, they act like they don't care on television. But that fucking wound is permanent! Ha ha! See, the rift is caused because the final four spins of the wheel work like Deal or No Deal. The show offers the person a deal to walk away. But the person doesn't get to pick. Instead, a loved one makes that decision. When the person spins the wheel (I mean touches the wheel), the ball inside the wheel can either land on some money or a Back to Zero wedge. If the ball lands on Back to Zero and the loved one didn't take a deal, they lose all of their money and go home humiliated. But if the loved ones takes the deal on the first or second or third spin, the person spinning can still win millions of dollars which are then lost because the loved one took an early deal. It's a fucking rigged set-up for the family and I'll tell you why. The only thing for the loved one to do is to never take the deal. You might go home with zero dollars but you avoid something even worse: rooting against your loved one. As soon as the person who can take the deal takes the deal, they have to hope that the person spinning loses everything. They have to. Otherwise, they made a poor choice and cost their loved one millions of dollars. And I can't help but think that anybody rooting for their loved one to crap out on the wheel is a fucking piece of shit. Now, you might be saying, "Hey, they took the deal as insurance! Even if their loved one wins millions, they couldn't have known. They did the smart thing!" But here's the thing about being a human: you know the loved one who took the deal wants proof that they made the correct choice. They don't want to be responsible for all the money lost if their loved one never hits a Back to Zero wedge. Therefore anybody who takes the deal is a fucking traitorous rat and I, for one, would never fucking forgive them. "You took the second deal?! That means you wanted me to fail every spin after that, you fucking asshole! Get out of my life!" is totally how I'd react on national television. Not that Fox would ever think I was deserving of touching the wheel! That was a digression because the rest of the comic book was just idiotic Teen Titan banter. You know the kind! "I want to fuck you so bad, you ugly shitstain!" "Ew, you make me so mad that I want to stick my tongue in your butt!" "Will you two knock it off already because Changeling is masturbating again!" "Gross! All of his dicks at once?! Gag me with a spoon!" Oh wait. This comic was from 1994 and not 1984. Although didn't Wayne and Gar bring back gag me with a spoon?! Probably! Not! Ha ha! New Titans #0 Rating: C-. Boy howdy was this an average comic book! The best part about owning this series is that I have conclusive proof of when I became a man! Between New Titans #114 and New Titans #115 when I finally grew up and realized this comic book was terrible and I should stop reading it. But I didn't stop reading all terrible comic books so maybe I became a man later. Or, more apt, will become a man later! Hopefully soon because I can't wait to see what a woman's ding dong looks like!

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 4]

Going into the fourth badge with a full team of six! Rocking!

Here we are:

Puff (Dratini)

Sylarana (Serperior)

Stella (Poliwhirl)

Nessy (Milotic)

Itsy (Cubchoo)

Caspet (Haunter)

Looking like a real squad, guys. Lesgo.

The bridge is still out, so it’s out to the desert we go.

...Ah, it’s the anime hair scientist.

Colress. He invites us to a duel in the desert route.

...I thought it was a joke that this lady just keeps picking fights with me every single time I try to pass through the route, but no. No. That’s what really happens. Ugh.

I can’t remember if Colress is really a bad guy or just a driven scientist guy.

In any case, he has a level 21 Magnemite out first. Nessy is handling it since I have nothing to deal Electric pokemon really and Nessy has a ton of HP. And yay, that doesn’t come back to bite me.

Level 23 Klink up next. Nessy Refreshes and Recovers back to the health the Magnemite took. Taking too long to beat back the Charges, so Sylarana’s going to try to be helpful. And hey, that’s all it takes. Fight done.

Ack, I don’t think this is the sort of place I can do anything with without wireless and the like.

I love how so many business people in this world see a random ten-year-old and decide that they are the best person they could possibly ask for to manage their affairs while they run off doing whatever.

I’m just going to ignore this place and take advantage of the Pokemon Center past it.

Hello, we have a new route.

HELLO!

Oh.

Wait.

...Did I...

Oh crap. I took a break in between catching Puff, so I forgot all about buying poke balls. Aha. Okay then. Okay. We got this. It’ll be fiiiiine. I’ve got two more whole chances to make sure that it’s fiiine.

One try left.

Come on.

You know you want to be on the team, buddy.

...Fine, you don’t. Damn it. Dead route.

...

While we’re here adding injury to insult.

Sorry Sylarana. Maybe naming you after a dead snake from a fanfic was a bad idea after all.

Dead route and dead pokemon.

This is shaping up to be a pretty harsh run.

Okay. Poke Balls bought.

The outside of Desert Resort has Magmar.

I’m just going to casually avoid trainers in the rest of the Resort until I find the castle place, aka new route for new friend.

If only I were actually any good at avoiding trainers. So far I’ve fought two.

Okay, this time, we’re going to keep from losing anyone in the process of getting a new friend. Agreed? Agreed. Awesome.

Oh.

...No can do.

Poliwhirl is one thing, since Poliwhirl can still be Politoed, but I used a Granbull in my Elite Four battles in the first version. Can’t repeat that. Dang it.

Larvitar’s down here as well.

No Sylarana and an Electric Gym next. I need to find a new route.

Route 5, help me out here.

Bianca!

She gives us Fly!

...Do we have anything that can learn Fly?

She also introduces us to Hidden Grottos, which I had forgotten all about and don’t really mean much to Nuzlockes.

I’ll say hi to it. If it’s randomized, this is my catch option, if it’s not, let’s just call Hidden Grottos liminal spaces that don’t have real route significance.

Not randomized. Bye bye Minccino. Now we go explore the grass.

I have a Water team. Yike.

This thing is not proving easy to catch.

But catch it I shall! Your name shall be Frill, and please do not take it personally that I’m going to go to another route to find things.

Oh dear.

Boruto, I expect great things from you. Please do not disappoint.

Meanwhile the next thing I see on this route is an Emboar.

No offense, Boruto, but my journey to find a new route continues.

Help me Obi-wan Keforest. You’re my only hope.

...Don’t I need a Dusk Stone or something to evolve you?

Um. If it keeps using Charge Beam it’s going to kill Nessy.

I can choose to catch it, or I can choose to run.

...Wait, can I run when Bind is used?

No, no I can’t.

Um.

This is.

Distressing.

I feel like I’m watching Nessy die in slow motion.

Heeeeeeeeeey.

Omchomp, welcome.

Hm. I have some choices to make regarding me team, but first thing first, I’m going to raise Boruto a level. There are Basculin and Lampent where we caught him.

Soooooo.

Now there’s the question of what to add to the team. Ninjask is cool as heck, and I’m not opposed to using one. Shedinja is a delightful, chaotic choice for a Nuzlocke. Using both isn’t something I think my team could survive.

...Okay I can’t resist being that stupid. Shedinja, aka Sasuke. Alllll the way.

Sasuke is Sassy and proud of its power. Fitting.

This is such a dumb idea. I can’t wait to watch what happens.

Let’s see... Fire bad. Flying bad. Ghost maybe bad. Psychic maybe bad.

...Fine, so I know what each type is weak against, but not which types the combination spares or makes worse. Making this an even dumber idea than its initial inception made it appear.

We are so doing this.

tfw I finally am playing at a time that gets me on the Royal Unova! Yay!

Boy howdy do I hope they don’t have things that will kill me dead!

Level 16 Pidove.

I think I’m good.

I swear if a move has a possibility of making me flinch it is doing nothing but making me flinch. I cry.

Oki doki.

The team.

Grinding time.

Ha, so since they couldn’t very well complain about the next Gym Leader still not having the bridge open, this time you can’t go left of Nimbasa due to a crowd of happy people. Gah. Being closed in is a lot more annoying when you have a limited number of resources dependent in part on map size.

OH COME ON THAT’S BULLSHIT.

Sigh.

Sorry, Sasuke.

I’d like to say some words, but well. I always knew I wasn’t really equipped to handle such a gimmicky creature on my team, I just thought it would be funny to try. And that I’d last longer. It’s probably just as well, honestly.

...Sorry this is not the emotional farewell everything else is getting. But let’s be real, we knew this would happen, and I didn’t delay it long enough to get invested.

Also your name is Sasuke. We both knew what this was.

Boruto, welcome to the team!

Uh.

Okay, Giga Drain. Not Itsy’s friend.

Noted.

...Give me a break she was still in the damn green and aaaaaaaaaa.

I am not doing well this run, am I?

Go away I can’t catch you. ;-;

I am so sorry, Itsy.

I wish I could say more, since unlike Sasuke I actually like you, but.

This is hecking bad.

Omchomp gets on the team to fill up a slot. I’m not sure I have the resources to properly train her, and I’m collecting too many creatures who I’m not sure I can fully evolve for my tastes.

But that’s how Nuzlockes go, right? You work with what you have.

Back to grinding. Maybe stick more to wild pokemon than trainers.

Cool, Croagunk is also here.

...

Okay look.

I will admit to being a bad trainer.

But one Bite taking out a pokemon at full health is not generally a foreseeable circumstance when super effectiveness isn’t at play.

-clears throat-

STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I am so sorry my friend. We will never know how if I might have succeeded in evolving you. That is a weight off my shoulders, but incomparable to the pain of no longer having you.

Ack.

What a mess.

I have to admit, part of me is hoping that I just wipe at this point. Starting over seems way, way simpler than this as it is. And then I ran into a trainer by accident, and the trainer has a lever 25 Watchdog.

Yeah, this will go well.

Eh, not well, but everything’s alive. I’ll take that. My mission at the moment is just training the heck out of Nessy, because she’s the only thing I can say with confidence probably can’t die to one hit from anything currently available.

Huh, I found an Audino. I’d guess I stumbled into wiggly grass without noticing. That’s cute, it’s actually where it’s supposed to be. ...Scratch that, enough of them are showing up that I’m wondering if it’s some time of day thing.

...So see, I have the problem of going on autopilot while I think.

...tfw Nessy is now level 34 and Caspet is 30.

Screenshots taken moments before disaster.

...Then there’s the return of Mightyena plus a Gengar. Not friendly grass, this. Maybe I need to pick another spot to train stuff.

There’s this one trainer here who won’t fight unless I have a Prop Case, which means I can’t avoid the Musical building forever. Well I can. But that would keep me from battling stuff, sooo.

Magnificent.

And random trainer beaten.

Now what.

Carnival rides to drown our sorrows.

Elesa built herself a new Gym. Her old one is now just roller coasters.

I should probably go to the actual Gym.

?

Ah. A random NPC to let us know that Elesa is in another castle.

Screw it, let’s go to the other castle.

...After finally checking out whatever this is.

Cool. Me and Rosa are going to fight the Subway Bosses. This is the only time this will ever happen in any Nuzlocke ever. Guaranteed.

Yay, we won against the level 26 Gurdurr and Boldore. Despite the horror that is Sturdy rearing its head once more.

Before I go to the Gym, I’m going to head out to the sportsball stadiums and have some fun. Hopeful, optimistic fun where nothing dies.

My solution to all problems now is to throw Nessy at them until they die. With a side of Caspet. The other members of my team are going to gain levels through Exp. Share only, probably. Omchomp is the only one that knows useful stuff and might live through first contact. Puff will one day be mighty indeed, but isn’t yet. Boruto... Boruto’s best move is arguably Leech Life.

Yay, Nessy and Caspet. You two are holding this team together.

That is not your cue to die.

To the Gym.

Ooooh, snazzy. Nicely arranged, Elesa.

She has a level 27 Elekid. Why don’t I have a level 27 Elekid. Or just an Elekid. Elekid is awesome. She also has a level 27 Flaffy. I want that slightly less. It is still of interest.

One mook down. Down the catwalk for another.

The level 27 Flaffy is first this time. Such variety. Then a level 27 Blitzle strikes.

This place has some dang style. Next up is same flavor with Blitzle and Elekid.

Elesa you are clearly amazing but what the actual heck are you wearing.

This is all going to be fine.

We know it’s true because I said so.

Level 28 Emolga out first. Caspet downs it with one Venoshock, then a level 30 Zebstrika takes the stage and panic is felt by all.

Oh lovely. It knows Pursuit. Not taking you out then, Caspet.

This has the makings of pain all over it, but I trust you.

Yay! Another Venoshock did it!

Last up is a level 28 Flaffy. Let’s finish this, Caspet.

Yes!

It was gory and scary, but we did it, gang.

Halfway there.

[capillata]

update!

- i have a horrible rash inside the entirety of my mouth and throat. my tonsils are swollen and my gums hurt. yay. 

- another 1.5 weeks before things stop getting worse? actively worse? and then they might plateau. and then they might start getting better. they also may never.

- food is disgusting! all food! all drinks! even water! i’m not going to talk about weight loss because i’m pretty sure i’m not that far away from a gastrostoma / PEG feeding tube and let’s just ignore that.

- a lot of people think i am better now, including me, which means i start to do more things, which means i may have made things worse. 

- casual but increasingly frequent suicidal ideation is about as much fun as it sounds. (see my therapist next week. provided i’m well enough to get there, and my throat is intact enough to talk. um).

- when everyone tells you ‘things will get worse for 2-3 weeks after radiotherapy’ and you and everyone you know interprets that as ‘things will plateau for 2-3 weeks’ you are all wrong and actually things will get worse for 2-3 weeks after radiotherapy. my entire body’s general reaction right now is ‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MEEEEE, I WILL AVENGE USSSSS, BY FIGHTING USSSSS.’ 

- like it’s a whole bullshit Godfather metaphor up in this shit

- radiotherapy of the head/neck is no joke. 

- hahahaha it could be months before i can taste again (if i can at all) and in the meantime everything tastes bad like my brain has reacted to no taste by going ‘you have lost this sense, clearly this thing is bad for you, it might be poison! bad!!! spit it out!!!!!!’ my brain is okay with cornflakes, so clearly my brain is against masturbation. 

- i miss saliva. a lot. i miss that warm wet bath my teeth lay in all day, without me thinking about it, and now my teeth and my gums miss saliva too, we all miss saliva. i thought i had a dry mouth before (and i did, sometimes), but hoo boy, nothing like this. rice pudding is too dry to eat. 

- all the research says mental illness spikes after radiotherapy and boy howdy that’s no joke either because that’s when the majority of the support vanishes, and you feel pressure to start being like ‘yay it’s over everything’s great!’ meanwhile i’m going to go bathe my throat in glycerin, castor oil and polymers and sleep in the hopes that i don’t wake up to bursting pustules in my mouth and throat in the morning. or something. 

- also i want that stupid lactose free protein powder to arrive because that would help a ton. i think.

- ugh. 

- sorry for whining i am trying not to vent on facebook, twitter, dreamwidth, my other tumblrs, and to actual family etc. and that pretty much leaves here. (if you notice me whining everywhere else it’s because i’m weak, weak i tells ya)

[liamakorn]

Absolution (Part One)

A/N: Oh, boy howdy, it’s here. And it’s a two-parter!! Yas!! The second part is gonna take a little while to come out, considering my midterms are arriving and I need to prepare. But fear not! Soon, you’ll have all the John seed lovin’ I know you sinners want, trust me ;) But for now, enjoy this angst, and let me know what you think! Also, this deviates from the plot slightly, so...theres that XP 

Part 1 -Part 2 -Part 3

(Edit: AH! I forgot to tag @obscure-fae , sorry hun! Better late than never I suppose 😅)

Pairing: John Seed x OC (Not the Deputy) 

Warnings: Mentions of abuse and neglect, John’s in a cage, he’s a little shit. I think that’s it?? Some truly awful banter. Like, one swear? Also, I think maybe I wrote John just a tad out of character. Hope that’s cool. 

Word Count: 2,839 

Rating: PG-13 

Maggie paced across her darkened room, radio emitting a static shrill that she barely paid any mind to.

The news had just come in.

John Seed had been apprehended.

After all the pain he had caused. The death and destruction he had left in his wake. The people of Fall’s End had finally caught him. It was a bittersweet moment for her. While, yes, it was good that his reign of terror in Holland Valley was over, for now at least...he was in Fall’s End. Just a few buildings away.  

And it was Maggie’s job to watch him.

Now, that’s not to say she was alone in the task. Three people had been chosen by the Deputy to watch over the Herald. These three would take shifts, rotating every 8 hours or so. That in itself would be terrifying, but for Maggie, it was worse. Her shift ran from 10 pm to 5 am. Meaning, she’d be spending all night with a psychopath cult leader who carved people’s sins into their flesh. Exciting, I know.

She was still trying to unravel the knot that had settled in her stomach when she left her quarters, finally working up the courage to make her way across town to the Spread Eagle, a well-known bar in this part of Hope County. She smiled at Mary May, the owner of the establishment, and someone Maggie would consider almost a parental figure. Maggie opened her mouth to speak, before shutting it quickly, staring nervously at the door leading to the basement. Mary May nodded, blonde hair swishing with her head.

“He’s restrained, caged, and beaten to high hell. He can’t hurt ya past empty threats.”

The redhead sighed, biting her lip and hesitantly stepping towards the threshold. Moonlight slipped past the dusty windows, illuminating the glass Mary May held in her hand as she raised it in salute. Chuckling, Maggie took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob, marching down the steps before she could change her mind. Waiting for her at the base of the stairs was Alice, a girl of barely 17, who looked about ready to keel over any second. Glancing at Maggie for barely a moment, Alice huffed a sigh of relief, dragging herself out of her chair and trudging to the door.

“Thank. God. I swear, I was about ready to die of absolute boredom. This guy never says anythin’, doesn't even try to escape so I can shoot ‘im!”

With another sigh she starts up the stairs, leaving Maggie to her shift.

“Have fun with doing nothin’.”

Well. This should be fun.

The walls were old, cracks littering the stone no matter where you looked. Most were tiny, barely perceivable unless you squinted. Others were practically the length of the room, suggesting it had been built before even Mary May was born. There were crates of varying sizes stacked against the left wall, probably holding alcohol of some sort, as well as smaller boxes of utensils, glasses, etc.  In one corner there were cleaning supplies, next to a door Maggie assumed to be a closet. In another corner, there were cans of food that had been there since god knows when, beside a row of mostly empty wine racks.

But the thing of interest rested against the far wall. A medium sized cage, one meant for that of a wolf or bear, was propped between the refrigerator and a stack of kegs, leaning precariously against the former. It appeared makeshift, as if it had been ripped apart and someone, probably Nick, taped it back together the best they could.

Inside the cage sat a man, hands tied behind his back, face bloodied and bruised, but still recognizable in its features. His shirt was torn, the scarified tattoo of ‘Sloth’ reading clear across his chest, along with several of his other tattoos. His brown hair was tousled haphazardly; the ends just barely managed to hang in front of his eyes. Oh, his eyes. While his face remained mostly clear of any wrinkles and blemishes - save for the contusions and visibly broken nose - his eyes seemed lined in a pain she couldn’t quite place, and, quite honestly, never wished to be acquainted. To her surprise, when Maggie looked into them, he was already staring back, a gleam in the striking blue depths. As if he was in control. As if she was the one locked in a cage.

Like an animal, ready to strike.

She couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine, peering at this man who had caused the misery of so many of her friends. She had never seen him face to face, and while, yes, he was definitely intimidating…

She never allowed herself to finish that thought, lifting her gaze to the chair she would be spending the next several hours sitting in. The thought made her skin itch, but she ignored that, squaring her shoulders and taking a seat, purposely not looking in John Seed’s direction. His gaze never faltered, following her movements with a frightening steadiness.The hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention.

This was going to be a long night.

----

It was about half an hour into her shift when Maggie began to fidget. An hour, and she started tapping her boot against the ground. At two hours, she was ready to bust out some jumping jacks, just to have something to do. And still, John hadn’t said a word. She now understood what Alice had meant. The silence was eating her alive.

“I hope you don't mind, I helped myself to your rifle.”

She spat out the words, anything to break the tension; but, even though she intended her tone to be snarky and hardened, her voice was soft and apprehensive, sentence expelled in a single breath. Glancing at the caged man, she was startled to find his gaze already on her, peering through the steel in a way that could only be described as predatory. This time, she didn’t break the connection, staring at him with just as much intensity. Slowly, like a cat, he smirked, tilting his head ever so slightly. While he didn’t verbally reply, Maggie cast her gaze down, playing absentmindedly with the cross dangling daintily from her neck.

“I will get out of here, you know. “

Starting, she almost didn’t realize the words came from him. His voice was rough, gritty from underuse. There still contained a certain charisma to it, though. A lilt that enticed you to listen, to hear more of what he had to say. Maggie got the impression he could talk his way out of pretty much anything if he really wanted to.

She raised her emerald eyes to his, confused by the casual note in his tone. He was very relaxed, she noted, for a prisoner with the hatred of an entire county on his shoulders.

“...no. You won't.”

A snort fell from his lips, as if her statement was preposterous.

“Of course I will. Tell me,”

He rose to his knees, leaning as close to her as his cage would permit.

“When a dragon says, that he is going to eat you... That he is going to swallow you and your entire village whole...what do you do? Do you try to reason with him? Do you brush his threats aside, denying he even has the ability to do so? Or do you run, plead for mercy, worship him in an effort to save your own skin? What do you do?”

Maggie paused, brows furrowing. Was this a trick question? What game was he playing at?

“...um…”

She shrugged slightly, licking her dry lips before answering.

“Offer it a banana instead?”

John faltered, smirk falling for a second. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and Maggie almost could’ve believed he hadn’t heard her.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, he cracked, a soft chuckle rumbling in his chest, before evolving into a full-on laugh that filled the room.  Maggie’s gaze darted away quickly. It took everything she had not to smile with him. And yet, it felt...oddly good...to have made the supposed sociopath laugh, to see under the intense facade he’d put up with the others. She tried not to look into it too much.

----

After a week of the same routine, Alice finally convinced Rook to switch her with someone else, claiming she would ‘literally shoot herself in the foot if she had to sit through one more shift with the silent psycho.’

Sighing lightly, Maggie shuffled down the creaky steps, her catnap doing nothing to relieve the exhaustion in her bones. She should’ve never agreed to the night shift.

Tom, Alice’s replacement, was definitely...different...than his predecessor. A burly, gargantuan of a man, he stood at least a foot, if not more, over Maggie’s meager frame. Not that it was hard to do. At 5’2”, it was rare anybody wasn’t taller than her.

Tom greeted her with a curt nod, back pin straight as always. He marched out of the room without so much as a word, brushing past Maggie, who gave him a mock salute. Once he was out of earshot, she scoffed, muttering to herself, “Does he ever relax?”

A light chuckle met her ears, followed by,

“Whoso pulleth out the stick from his ass, is rightwise king born”

A short giggle fell from her lips, trying, failing, to hide the smile on her cheeks. John always did this. Stayed quiet for the majority of the night, only to make quips and jokes that never failed to make her laugh, no matter how hard she tried not to. At first, it was annoying; but Maggie soon found herself enjoying these moments, looking forward to them, even. Which in itself was something that kept her awake, even as fatigue ached in her bones. The fact that maybe she was even beginning to care for John Seed was a thought she couldn’t quite comprehend.

Taking the seat she had become quite accustomed to, Maggie shifted, trying to get comfortable on the creaky wood of the chair. After a few minutes, she gave up, resigning herself to the dull pain in her back.

John hummed, looking at her carefully. She raised her brows, refusing to back down in this weird staring contest. She refused to acknowledge the fluttering in her stomach, instead focusing on the discomfort of her stool. When it seemed like he wouldn’t speak at all, he finally did, voice low and gravely.

“So...Maggie...what’s your story?”

Her forehead crinkled, the question catching her off guard.

“What?”

A wider, more genuine smile took to his lips, shoulders shrugging in nonchalance that was definitely fabricated.

“If I’m going to be locked in here for the rest of my days, I might as well learn the tale of my beautiful prison guard. So. What’s your story?”

Maggie tried to swallow the lump in her throat, unconsciously tugging on the ends of her hair. He was just goading her. She needed to calm down.  But he just called her beautiful.

Clearing her throat, Maggie paused, collecting her thoughts before speaking.

“Well…”

There was no point in lying now, was there? What was he going to do? Laugh at her?

Yeah, probably.

“Well. My name is Maggie Cartwright.”

John rolled his eyes, motioning, as well as he could, for her to go on. Of course. That was obvious. She squirmed in her seat, crossing her arms and examining the concrete beneath her boots.

“I...grew up in Ohio. Small town, nothin’ special there, except for a barbershop and a dusty old train station that hadn’t run in ages. Anything else even resembling civilization was at least an hour drive away, so people tended to just stay in their little corner, rarely interacting. Same went for my family, we...never really left the house. ‘Cept to go to church.”

He nodded, giving no more confirmation that he was listening than that slight inclination of his head. The words began to spill out of her mouth, eyes still fixated on a stain marring the rough stone underfoot.

“I had a brother, but...he left home when I was barely old enough to walk, so...it was always just me and my parents. My dad was a farmer, always out in the fields, or at the market, tryin’ to sell whatever we had to give; sometimes the clothes off our backs. Mama never worked a day in her life, but she took care of the house, made sure there was dinner ready by the time he came home. If it wasn’t...he’d get...angry.”

“Did he hurt you?”

The question jarred her from her daze, a shaky sigh heaving from her chest. Maggie finally looked back to the Herald, blinking a few times as his brow furrowed almost imperceptibly.

“Not...necessarily. Of course, there was the occasional smack or punch. When Papa would drink a little too much, or had too long of a day. I’d leave something around the house, or forget to do a chore…”

She stared into her lap, fiddling with her necklace.

“But usually they would just...ignore me. Leave me to whatever it was that kept me entertained. Which wasn’t much, considering I was practically the only kid in town, everybody else moved away. So it was just me...alone.”

Maggie blinked back tears, clearing her throat roughly. She wasn’t even sure why she was telling him about this, or why it was affecting her so badly. She thought she’d gotten over all this but…

“It’s alright to cry, you know. To let all those feelings out, all that wrath.”

She snapped her gaze to his, shaking her head slowly.

“I’m not...I’m not angry, John.”

He gave her a tender smile, raising a brow.

“Yes, you are. I can hear it in your voice. You hated how your father treated you. How he treated your mother. You hated your brother, for leaving, for letting it happen, for abandoning you. You hate how they neglected you. How they overlooked you. Disregarded you. You hate them.”

Her denial died in her throat, the expression he wore making her heart flutter.

“You hate them, because you hated being alone.”

Releasing a shaky breath, she turned away, biting her lip to keep the tears from falling. She couldn’t stand him. That he was right.  Because she was angry, and she had hated them. But that fact that he knew that, that she was so easy to read, terrified her. How could she have been so naive as to have basically laid her heart right in the open for him to see? For him to manipulate?

“Maggie.”

She didn’t turn back, only gave a slight inclination of her head. John sighed, and though she couldn’t see his face, she could almost feel him staring at her, with those big blue eyes that haunted her very dreams.

“Maggie, I know it’s hard to admit to your anger. And I know you might be turning that wrath to me, because it’s the easiest solution, but I understand.”

Slowly, she twisted just slightly toward him, barely even breathing as she listened to what she knew, deep down, was him trying to convert her. To get on her good side so she’d confess.

It didn’t stop her from paying attention, hanging onto every word he spoke.

“I understand that pain. Of feeling abandoned, and alone, even in a place where you should feel the most love. I know how you feel, and I promise, you can be saved. I can help you manage that anger, come to terms with the ache that I know sits in your chest like a stone. I can save you.”

A soft sigh escaped her, head resting against the wall.

“The pain...does it ever go away?”

His breathing was light, the only sound in the otherwise silent room, save for her heartbeat pressing against her ears.

“...no. You just learn to make room for it.”

The worst part? She wanted to believe him. She wanted so badly to feel that absolution he preached about, wanted freedom from the constant twinge in her heart. Finally looking at him, Maggie could clearly see that same twinge in his own eyes, the seeming genuine nature of his claims. She knew better. Logically, Maggie could tell he was lying, anything to get him out of that cage, to recruit another faceless mask into his brother’s cult.

But she couldn’t help but feel that pull. That pull toward the dark and twisted, toward all she had been warned against. She knew he was lying, but her heart begged her to listen, to trust that he would absolve her of all she despised in herself.

And that was her truest fear in all of this. That was the one thing she had been dreading since the Deputy had assigned her this task.  He enraptured her in a way that she couldn’t explain...and Maggie was terrified. 

[bethhxrmon]

do flowers exist at night? -chapter two

Chapter Two: She Will (not) Do The Same For You

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: After the events of the party, Annie hopes for things to simply go back to normal. However, she is not so lucky. It doesn’t help that everything she has seen at home has yet to clear up either.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Swearing, sexual harassment, slut shaming, general angst, Billy being the literal worst, Annie doesn’t have a great time

A/N: Howdy, I hope everyone reading this is enjoying this as much as I am! Things are getting a bit more serious. If you like the story or would like to say something, I would love to here your feedback since it helps me stay motivated! And if this is the first part that you’ve seen, you can get caught up here!

~*~*~*~

There were two things Annie expected upon going to school the next day. Either showing off her ability to dance would leave her with several friends or she’d revert back to her state of obsolescence.

However, when people were clearly whispering around her, Annie couldn't help thinking something was off. It wasn't until some guy flipped up her skirt and grabbed her butt that she knew something was wrong.

In the moment she couldn't bring herself to say anything. The rush of pure adrenaline and anxiety made her want to collapse in on herself. By the time she plucked up the rage to turn around and say something, the guy was already too far down the hall for her to say anything.

Maybe it was just some jerk who thought it would be funny. Why that would be funny was beyond her. It left her wishing she were as invisible as she used to think she was.

The first half of the day ended up continuing with the same trend. No one talked to her and she had to actively ignore how people were staring at her. It was like when she first moved in and everyone acted like she didn't belong. She kind of wished everyone would go back to how things were yesterday. When no one looked at her or paid her any mind.

When her skirt got flipped up for the third time she went to her trigonometry teacher before sitting down.

"Hey um... I don't know what's going on but there're these guys who keep harassing me," she said, looking at the ground.

The teacher sighed, "Well, maybe if you wore a longer skirt or toned down that makeup this wouldn’t be an issue... you're lucky I don't give you detention for that."

Annie looked up at the teacher, seeing he had a rather bored, serious look on his face. Her mouth opened to try and get something in. The bell rang and cut off anything she could think to say.

It left her sitting in her seat, wishing she could shrink into nothing. At the very least she now just wanted to wash every bit of eyeliner and red lipstick off of her face. If she could have, she would have taken a chance to switch into sweats instead of her skirt and sweatshirt. Sure, she was wearing tights, but that didn’t seem to stop anyone.

As she walked to lunch, she was suddenly met with Billy walking up beside her, “Hey, you kinda ran off last night.”

“Um… yeah, I erm… I had to, well, you know-”

“Fuck around with Harrington? Figured as much,” he said.

Annie’s eyes widened, “What?! No I-”

“It’s okay, just try to not act like such a slut the next day, it’s embarrassing,” he murmured, reaching under her skirt and squeezing her butt before he walked off.

She stopped walking and leaned against the lockers, unable to breathe. There had to be something she could say, but no words came. A part of her wanted to scream for someone to do something.

Except she knew how that would end if she asked for help again.

When she got to her locker, she pulled out her coat and pulled it on. Never mind that it wasn’t longer than her skirt or how it was already warm in the school.

For once, she wished that she could get a chance to sit at her table alone. To just continue reading her book in peace. She sat her lunch tray down and threw on her headphones from her Walkman despite not playing anything. It made her look like she was in her own little world. 

Maybe if she pretended like no one was watching, they would just leave her alone.

That was wishful thinking as Carol showed up, sitting right next to her. Annie wanted to crawl into her jacket and hide. Was it too much to ask to be left alone?

“Hey, Hardwick, how was it last night? And don’t play dumb,” Carol said, taking off Annie’s headphones.

Annie stared up at her, “I um… I don’t know what you’re wanting me to say here.”

“Do you fuck every sad sap that crosses your path? Or is it just the popular ones?” she asked, pulling Annie’s book from her hand.

She reached in vain, “Hey! I really don’t know what you’re talking about, can you just give that back?”

“Come on, everyone knows you left the party last night with Steve Harrington and made him feel a bit better about his problems,” she replied, handing the book over to Tommy.

Annie’s face scrunched up a bit, “That’s not… that didn’t happen! Hey, careful with that!”

“Then maybe you should try telling everyone here the truth,” he said, starting to rip the paperback in half.

Annie shook her head, “What the hell?!”

“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Steve asked, coming up from behind Tommy and Carol, yanking the partially torn book from Tommy’s hands, “The show’s over, you got it?”

Annie just watched as the pair seemed to get the message and walk away. Then, Steve sat next to her, handing the book back to her.

He let out a sigh, “Sorry I got here a bit late. I guess it could be worse though.”

“Yeah… I guess,” she said, looking up at him, “Oh, um… how did things go with Nancy?”

Steve let out a bitter laugh, “Where to start… she didn’t remember any of it and she couldn’t even say she loved me. She couldn’t even lie about it, it’s all bullshit.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” she said, looking down at her book, “Maybe you guys just need a bit of space? I don’t know, it’s not over, though, is it?”

He shook his head, “No, I just… I couldn’t deal with her right then. I still can’t.”

There was a long pause before he nodded at her book, “The Exorcist, huh? Isn’t that a movie?”

“Um yeah, it was a book first. It’s kinda scarier than the movie, but I don’t know, my imagination just kinda goes a bit crazy,” she said, still not quite looking at Steve.

He frowned a bit, “Hey, don’t worry about those assholes, okay? They know damn well nothing happened.” “That’s lovely,” she scoffed, finally glancing up at him, “Everyone else seems to think I’m some kind of slut that’ll do anything with anyone. People won’t stop talking about me and the guys? They keep smacking my ass like it’s some kind of game. It’s fucked up.”

Steve’s brow furrowed, “Well… well why don’t you tell someone?”

“You think I didn’t try?!” she exclaimed, her voice getting a bit higher, “All I got was being told that I was lucky to not get detention for dressing like a slut. And… I guess he might have a point.”

“Hey, that’s not true. You don’t deserve that, okay?”

“That’s a nice sentiment, but I’ve still gotta walk home and I still have to show up tomorrow and the day after that and… ugh just forget it,” she said, resting her forehead on the table.

He shook his head, “You don’t have to walk anywhere unless you really want that. Look, I’m not taking Nance anywhere at the moment. What if I drive you home today?”

“You’d do that?”

“It’s the least I could do, Annie. I might have some tape in my car too. It won’t fix your book great, but you’ll be able to finish it.”

“You’re sure you wanna do that? You don’t think it’ll ruin your chances with Nancy?”

Steve scoffed, “Come on, if there’s anyone who knows Tommy and Carol are full of it, it’s her. Now take the damn offer before I shove you into my car after school.”

Unable to come up with another excuse to decline the offer, the bell rang and she didn’t have much of a choice other than to accept. Which, she still wasn’t sure that Steve actually wanted to drive her home again. Wouldn’t that just make the rumors worse? Things already sounded pretty rough for him and Nancy without her getting involved.

Still, she got through the rest of the school day somehow. Her coat didn’t help all that much and she really just wished she could shrink back even more somehow. That was impossible, though.

Her mind couldn’t get onto the classes put in front of her. When she heard the bell ring to signal the end of the day, she wasn’t even sure Steve remembered. Not wanting to bother him on accident, she started to head out of the school on her own.

After shutting her locker, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Annie was quick to jump and reach into her coat pocket. Though, when she saw it was just Steve, she relaxed the slightest bit.

“Woah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, “Are you ready to go?”

Annie looked at Steve blankly for a moment before nodding, "Yeah, um... totally."

"Cool."

They walked towards his car in an awkward silence. Annie could feel the eyes of other students boring into her. Still, she just continued to walk like she normally would. If she could just act like nothing was happening, then maybe everyone would stop staring. Though, she had her eyes trained on her black vans more than anything else.

Steve couldn't get his BMW unlocked fast enough, and she got right into the passenger seat. Her backpack was on the floor just in front of her feet. Really, she was paying attention to everything except for the boy in the driver's side.

"Do you only talk when you're drunk?" he asked, turning the key to start the car.

She shook her head, "I was tipsy."

"Ah, a really big difference," he remarked as he pulled out of the parking lot, "So how do you do it?"

Annie arched a brow, "Do what?"

"Not notice everything happening around you. It's kinda impressive."

She laughed a bit, "It's called acting. I know everyone's talking shit and staring. Obviously it bothers me, but... I don't even know how I'd react to all of it if I... well, you know..."

"Acknowledged it?"

"Yeah, that," she nodded, "I mean, you're in pretty good shape for a guy who kinda got fucked over by his girlfriend."

Steve looked over at her for a second before shrugging nonchalantly, "It's called acting."

"Oh, whatever," she rolled her eyes though she was smiling a bit.

He laughed, "So, were you just gonna walk everywhere for the whole school year?"

"Probably."

"Even when it's snowing?"

She shrugged, "I guess? I've never really dealt with snow, actually."

"Okay, then you're not walking. You're close enough to my place, I can pick you up and all that," he insisted.

"What about Nancy?" she asked, though she wasn't sure things would continue for much longer with the pair.

He shrugged, "You're my friend. I'll drive you until you find someone else to do it for you."

"Oh, alright. You don't have to, you know."

"Just take the offer, okay?" he responded as he pulled up to her driveway.

She smiled a bit, "Okay, fine."

"I'll be over here at seven thirty. If you're not out here, you're walking," he said, grinning.

Annie shook her head, "Whatever, see you tomorrow."

With that, she grabbed her things and got out of the car. In minutes, she was back in her house. The only other living thing in the house was Erik. Looking around the living room, she saw her cat resting on the couch.

She pulled her partially-ripped book from her backpack and sighed. There had to be tape around somewhere so she wouldn't make it worse as she read it. The moment still played in her head over and over. In fact, the whole day was on a loop.

There was some duct tape in a drawer. When her book was taped up, she went to the bathroom to wash off her makeup. Maybe it wasn't helping her. Maybe she did put on too much eyeliner. The lipstick could afford to be toned down, and she just wouldn't wear that skirt again.

It took a few minutes of scrubbing to get all the makeup off, but even then she couldn't justify everything in her mind. What made any of that okay? She couldn't really go to anyone. Sure, what Steve did was great, but was it too much to wish she could have stood up for herself? If she could be half as witty as the people she read about or pretended to be in drama class would be a dream come true.

The sun was going down earlier and earlier as the fall slowly became winter. She was beginning to hate having to rely on the lights more and more every day. Ever since her mom left for her business trip, power outages happened. Whatever it was she was seeing when they happened was something she chose to ignore. Who was she going to tell? To the best of people, she would just be lying. At worst, she'd be considered insane. And maybe she was, she couldn't figure that out herself.

As she continued to get through her book, it seemed more and more apparent that reading a horror novel was a horrible idea. Even with some music in the background, that didn't change the odd environment in the house. Her cat even seemed a bit stressed, running up and down the hall.

Still, nothing was going to make her chicken out of finishing the book. Except for the flickering lamp she was using to see what she was reading. She swore under her breath as the power shut off again. 

"Just relax... it's nothing, everything you see is totally meaningless. Your eyes are playing tricks on you. It's fine," she told herself.

This time, there were dark vines all over the living room. She got up and walked to the kitchen, hoping to find a knife. Sure enough, she was able to get one. There wasn't anything there, though. Nothing except for the vines and herself. She couldn't even hear her own cat. 

Then, the lights came on just as suddenly as they shut off and the phone was ringing. Annie rushed over to pick it up, the knife still in her hand. For a moment, she couldn't help wondering if someone was doing this to her.

"Um... hello?" she answered, clenching the knife.

A breath of relief left her when the voice of her mom came on the other end, "Annie, I'm just calling to make sure everything's alright."

"Yeah, totally. I've been going to school, feeding the cat, all that good stuff," she said.

"Good, nothing too crazy going on over there?"

"Nah, it's um... pretty boring, actually."

They talked like that for a few more minutes. Annie didn't want to worry her mom with a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't actually happening. That was the last thing she wanted to do. Surely all this would blow over. Rumors and delusions and anything in between. It had to solve itself because she didn't know what that would mean otherwise.

Tag List (please tell me if you would like to be on it): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @jxnehxpper​ @ilovebucketbarnes​

[it-refused]

I’m trying to get back into writing, since I feel weird when I don’t for a while, so have some nonsense.

Pairing: Sans/Asgore

Characters: Sans, Asgore, Alphys

Rating: G

"Sans, uh...." Alphys' voice on the other end of phone was tremulous with nerves. "Um, I...I have to...uh..."  She trailed off into silence.

"what'd you do?" Sans snorted.  He had no idea why Alphys had suddenly called out of the blue.  Whatever it was couldn't be too bad, or she'd have sent him a text to avoid having to get the words out.

"I d-didn't--I wouldn't!  That's - how could you think -- ??"  Alphys broke off.  "Ok.  Ok, you're right.  God.  I'm...so sorry."  

"uhoh." Sans still had no idea what was going on.

"I...god.  You told me that in confidence!  W-well, not exactly in confidence, but you were pretty drunk and I mean I don't want people sharing whatever garbage pours out of my mouth when I'm a bottle under, right, so of course I'm not going to...of course I shouldn't've..."  Alphys groaned.  "Please don't get back at me by telling people the awful things I've said!  I didn't mean them!"

"uh."  

"Promise?"

"nah."

"Ok, I guess I deserve that."  He heard Alphys take a deep breath.  "Ok! So, I told Undyne about your crush on Asgore and I guess she told him so now that's out of the bag, so, sorry!"

"what?" Sans rubbed his skull.  "that's it?  huh.  that really...gets my goat."  He chuckled.  

There were worse secrets, honestly.  Alphys had kept all the important ones.   So, whatever.  He'd only told her because it had seemed funny at the time.  He couldn't even blame himself for sharing it.  

Three days a week he had tea with the ex-king.  He used to just go when it occurred to him, which hadn't been very often.  It'd turned itself into a habit, though, and now he showed up like clockwork.  Asgore would be fresh from his garden washing his hands in the sink and all geared up to talk about petunias or the little danishes he'd gotten at the local bakery.  

There was nothing deep about any of this.  The king was good looking and Sans liked to spend time with him.  Maybe he was a little lonely in that particular way that didn't go away when he had lots of platonic buddies to hang out with.  Asgore was perfect for that - handsome, kind, and completely unattainable.  

He could get little gifts for the guy at Gyftmas, come up with jokes he'd think he'd like, and he never had to worry about anything actually going anywhere.  Sans could have his little thing for the guy, and get what he needed out of that, and that was that.

"Are you...angry?"  Alphys asked.  "You don't sound mad."

"nah, it's ok. kind of funny, actually.  look, maybe it'll be weird for twenty minutes, but, uh, i wouldn't worry about it too much.  order me a pizza someday.  or, heh, tell me one of Undyne's secrets or - nah, never mind.  don't wanna know."

"Ok.  I really am sorry, though.

"no big.  who doesn't have a thing for the guy, anyway?"

"Right?" She laughed.  "We all have to go through at at some point."

"just a part of life."  

Maybe he should skip tea next week.  Asgore had a few days before he usually went to digest that information.  Sans'd expect Asgore to either have decided to ignore the news or be fully prepped with a "it's not you it's me" speech.  Nah, he'd go.  Sans kind of wanted to hear that.

He remembered when it had hit him that he had a thing for the old goat.  Sans had been a real good Samaritan and made sure the box of donuts at Frisk's PTA meeting hadn't gone to waste.  He and Asgore were going to town on what amounted to almost a full dozen, over tea.  

Asgore still had dirt on him from gardening, so Sans didn't see the harm.  He went for a jelly donut and when the backside of the 'nut squirted he managed to get the jelly to land right on Asgore's nose.  

Asgore had gone crosseyed looking at it, and as he fumbled for a napkin, he accidentally crushed his own donut and ended up with crumbs littering his beard.  

"Oh, heavens, I'm a mess today,"  Asgore said, chuckling and patting at himself with napkins.  

"heh.  whoops," Sans said.  "sorry about that.  you're really...crumb-ling to pieces, here."  

Asgore broke into hearty laughter at what even Sans could admit wasn't his best work. The sunlight streaming through the kitchen window hit the red jelly on Asgore's face and lit up the golden flecks in his hair and Sans knew he was done.  

Anyway.  That was how things went, sometimes.

Sans wasn't all that nervous in the leadup to their regular tea date.  He was curious. Asgore didn't outright cancel, which he hoped meant Asgore wasn't going to just stop hanging out with him.  That was the only way this could go that would actually hurt his feelings.

What would Asgore say?  He'd start out apologizing.  Maybe he'd get out the good tea Sans liked.

Sans rang the doorbell and waited.  It could sometimes be a pretty long wait, and he'd either just go in or he'd walk around back and find Asgore in the middle of a desperate battle with ivy or dozing off under the peach tree.  

This time, the door opened almost immediately.  Sans had expected Asgore to be in his usual work clothes, but he had on something that looked like it was ripped straight out of an LL Bean catalog.  

"uh, hi," Sans said.  What was that smell, cologne?  Usually Asgore smelled like tea or flowers.  Sometimes like he'd been using fire magic.

"Howdy, Sans!" Asgore said, bright.  Sans noticed that his horns looked a little shiny, almost like he'd polished them.  His hair was damp.  He must have taken a shower before he pulled his shirt out of its packaging and put it on.  "Don't stand around out here.  Come on in!"

"sure.  ok." This was...different than he expected.  

"Let me pour us some tea," he said.  Asgore seemed cheerful for a kiss off. Maybe nervous?  Hoo boy.   "And then...I had something I wanted to discuss with you."  He winked.

Sans wasn't sure what to do.  He went in.  

[weeniewrites]

OKAY ONE LAST POST BECAUSE IM ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT NOT TALKING

its a more serious one though, so if you dont wanna see me be more personal go ahead and skip i dont mind. im gonna ramble abt the shame i feel with having sadistic thoughts and fears of sexual agency, and kinda, sex in general, maybe some self destructive behaviors? kinda honestly putting my soul out there. its a bit of a vent post. im not having a bad night or anything, just thinking a lot, and want to get those thoughts out of my head

i, really outta do some research on actual sadism or just, see other people who have similar thoughts cause ill admit i feel a lot of guilt about it. like id never, ever, EVER want to hurt another person, and the idea of even spanking someone consensually is very scary to me

but this isnt a new thing for me, some of the first things i found arousing as a kid involved pain. i was fascinated by inuyashas blood covered hands, and rewatched part of a youtube letsplay over and over and over again just to hear the noise link made when he got injured again. same with part of that animated 2ne1 music video where the villain grimaces when his car gets hit. these are really vivid memories for me so like, i know this isnt some suddenly new thing for me. (im also repulsed by gore but can also find it beautiful in art, and writing violent stuff is therapeutic for me but can be REALLY triggering if im reading it)

and i dont know if that sorta, anti kink purity culture thing the internets been moving towards has contributed? to that shame i feel, or if thats just my empathy acting up. because i really do care strongly for people, basically every person i ever meet. and i, sort? of understand the appeal of masochism myself, and i definitely understand the appeal of domming. but i dont understand how to control a scene, how to start up a scene, how to monitor the subs mental state, how to even take that control in the first place because even imagining doing that scares me so, so fucking badly

so i write noncon dom stuff, so i dont have to figure out how to get them there, or how to keep them safe, and i get to satisfy that deep hidden desire to scratch and claw and smile and laugh at someone shaking and crying in fear. or if its soft, just taking care of them and loving them and being loved and needed i can imagine companionship in the only way i understand how, through sex. ive had very few long lasting close friendships, ive never had a crush, and honestly im not, sure? i enjoy sex? like i like being touched but once i have to do it back i get really scared (unless we take things really slow, but im also very inexperienced). i just like being desired, or honestly getting touch of any kind and thats the only way i know how to ask for it

and i kinda, only realized that fear recently. i dont think i had it when i was 18 and I was just starting to interact with people online. but back then i wouldve never dreamed of flirting with anyone either. (had that fuckin trauma BOY HOWDY)

um, to bring this around to what brought these thoughts out, a while ago i was flirting with a friend, we just did that for fun absolutely no sexual or romantic intentions involved. and they told me about how sore they were and i responded back with a grin and giggle and a growl and a laugh and said all the different ways id love to bend and prod them to make it worse because, well, I’m a sadist. and they liked it. i got dizzy with how much i enjoyed that teasing. i literally started slurring my words and had to stop because i couldnt talk anymore, just drool and lay in a warm fuzzy heap of satisfied feelings.

and then afterwards we talked for a bit and as i calmed down and came back to myself i just, i felt like i was going to burst out of my skin, shakey and unsteady, head buzzing, nearly obsessive with the need to tell them i’d never hurt them and make sure i hadnt. so i told them. tried to keep control of myself but i cried. i was near fucking inconsolable. i was terrified i made them uncomfortable, went too far though everything was consensual and it was just flirting, not even explicit! teasing at the maximum! we’d said far spicier things before! they knew i’d never hurt them never want to hurt them never dream of hurting them. and i still cried. i felt wrong. i felt mean i felt horrible, and i’d enjoyed it

and im still a sadist, i find specific kinds of pain arousing, i dont like scarring or blood, preferring discomfort over all, and occasionally i write much much darker content that i dont find sexually appealing, but helps me get out my anger and other emotions i dont know how to process otherwise, and sometimes its just, fun? i know i dont want to hurt people, and i know these things are helpful for me, but i still feel shame

honestly a lot of the kinks or fetishes i used to like, im not sure if i do anymore, either because i just, dont, or ive realized theyre not as acceptable as i once thought, or theyre just not as common online anymore. and i dont feel comfortable sharing them, whether out of fear of rejection, or of making someone else uncomfortable. considering some of the stuff i enjoy imagining or writing i cant read myself. thats, kindof a weird contrast isnt it? (but that might also be because when i was younger, much younger, id read very dark fics, or angst, or look at gore, animal death, death and the nearly dying, as a form of self harm, purposefully seeking out what i knew would trigger me just to keep me dissociating for as long as possible so i wouldnt have to feel, and i’ll admit this is still a mild problem for me, but ive gotten leagues, leagues LEAGUES better. and i try very hard to heed warnings, because i know no one would want me to do that with their works)

cant i just have fun, do i have to have all these shames and memories to go along with this kind of stuff. whyd i find it when i was younger. why do i so closely associate porn and sex with pain when ive never really stopped consuming it. why cant i admit i just want to be held and told im important and enough instead of imagining getting dicked down by men who i both wouldnt be attracted to irl and be scared of