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faeriejukyung · 4 years ago

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True Beauty’s Gaping Mother Wound

*disclaimer*: I understand that all the listed traits are things which are often very common in Asian households, and it may seem that rather than being concerning, these are just a part of Asian culture. That is why, I feel that it’s necessary for me to make it clear that I am, in fact, Asian (Indian to be specific), and parental abuse is something that is extremely normalized here. As someone who has experienced it firsthand, I want to say that just because something is common/normal, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is correct. If you or anyone you know is in a situation like that, it’s very very important to speak out. And it’s not your fault, i know it’s easier to believe that way but it’s really not. We deserve to be in a loving environment, regardless of what culture we are born in.

Throughout the drama, Jukyung’s mother shows many traits of an abusive mother. I have been able to outline 4 of them. I don’t mean to write her off as an evil character,, because overall she is well intentioned, and just like any other mom, she does love Jukyung. This is shown in episode 8 too, where she shows remorse for her actions. That however, doesn’t justify her abusive behavioral patterns in any way. Because we can see how badly it affects Jukyung, her self esteem and her overall view of herself.

Act 1: “I’m going to kill you today and go to jail” -- Physical Violence.

Throughout the series, we see Jukyung's mother being very violent. But one scene which particularly stood out to me was the scene where she finds out about Jukyung's dad getting scammed. (in episode 1). While it is true that her dad caused a huge financial loss to the family, and anyone would feel angry in a situation like that, it is also true that there is never a good reason to physically abuse someone.

After hearing the news, Jukyung's mom is overcome by anger. It's completely okay to feel frustrated, but the way she violently jumped at her husband, clearly intentioned to hurt him, and the way she needed to be held back by juyoung and heekyung highlights her abusive nature. And this isn't a one time thing where she momentarily lost control of herself. She constantly shows similar behavioural traits throughout the drama.

In the scene where we see Jukyung's mom and dad together properly for the first time, their relationship dynamic is established. He's meekly massaging her shoulders while she orders him around. Their is an obvious power imbalance in the relationship, and the way Jukyung's dad cowers in fear around Jukyung's mom is a proof of that.

Act 2: "Why would you kill my precious son?" -- Conditional Love.

We see examples of Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love in the kdrama AND in the webtoon. Conditional love is when a parent or a parental figure makes their child compete for love. They withhold their affection until the kid acts in ways that are desirable to them, and if the kid fails to do so, the parent often punishers them through different methods. This is their way of maintaining control over their children.

Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love manifests itself in the form of favoritism towards her eldest daughter Heekyung, who’s not only conventionally beautiful but also very smart and has a high paying job, and towards her youngest child and only son, Juyoung, who is also written to be very attractive. Both Juyoung and Heekyung have gifts that Jukyung does not posses -- beauty and brains. The conditions that are established in order to attain their mother’s affection are getting good grades at school, and being conventionally attractive, which is why Jukyung often gets the shorter end of the stick

In the scene where we are first meet Heekyung is the drama, their mom’s affection towards her is very evident.

This is shown in the webtoon too.

She displays this favoritism towards Juyoung too, and even more so. In episode 1 where Jukyung tries makeup for the first time, and gets ridiculed by him for doing a bad job at it, she naturally feels angry and yells at him, “do you want to die?!”, but instead of telling Juyoung to stop, their mother yells at Jukyung for yelling at Juyoung (”why would you kill my precious son? why?”). It’s already very evident that Juyoung has picked up the habit of constantly taunting Jukyung for her face from his mom. In the webtoon, when Jukyung decides that she wants to pursue makeup arts and asks for her mom’s support and fees for academy, her mom flat-out refuses, saying that they don’t have enough money. However as we find out later, money wasn’t the problem, because she had enough money to send Juyoung to a cram school for acting.

I find it hard to believe that any good parent would constantly compare their children and pit them against each other like this. In the webtoon and the kdrama, it is made clear that Juyoung doesn’t have particularly good grades either, but he doesn’t have to face his mother’s wrath by the virtue of being good looking. Jukyung on the other hand, does not have any redeeming qualities.

Act 3: “I’m going to throw all your makeup away” --Excessive Anger.

Another sign of parental abuse is display of excessive anger. It’s usually used as an intimidation tactic to keep the child in line. Sometimes, it can simply happen because they lose control of themselves. Either way, parents who get angry more often than what is supposed to be normal, and hurt their children (physically or verbally) in the midst of their anger, repeatedly, are abusive. I feel like I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Jukyung’s Mom is angry during half of her scenes. And the way she acts upon that anger crosses the limit too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to express your the way you feel, but the way Jukyung’s Mom does it, is extremely unhealthy and hurtful to others around her. Whether she’s jumping on Jukyung’s dad or talking down on Im Jukyung, she’s very inconsiderate of how her anger affects others. She almost always expresses herself in an extremely volatile way.

Jukyung described makeup as a hopeful light opening up a new life for her. There’s even a whole music segment of her discovering the powers of makeup, characterized by pastel and bubblegum tones, and the segment has a magical feel to it. Suffice to say that makeup brought an almost magical kind of hope and optimism to her life. In episode 6, Jukyung's Mom goes to her school to get her report card. When she sees her low grades, she gets so angry that she threatens to throw away her makeup, without once considering why Jukyung is so attached to it. In my eyes, she's actually very similar to Soojin's dad who also uses intimidation and physical violence to keep his daughter in line. If we put the same background music for the scenes where we see Jukyung's Mom threatening her, as the ones where Soojin's dad abuses her, they'd practically be identical. The only difference is that the show often plays Jukyung's Mom's behavior as a joke.

In episode 7, after seeing that Jukyung didn't improve as much as she wanted her to, she actually threw away all her makeup. Even though Jukyung did try, and did improve, it still wasn't enough for her mom. Jukyung's restlessness after not seeing her makeup on her table was palpable through the screen. Finding out that her mother threw all her makeup away sort became her breaking point. We see her yell at her mother and express her feelings for the first time.

I think it's important to note that Jukyung, who's already finds it very tough to reach out to her courageous side, was inspired by this incident to stand up to her mom, to express her outrage. Saying that makeup meant a lot to her is an understatement.

Act 4: "What's the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on if you're ugly underneath?" -- Verbal Abuse.

We all get into arguments with our parents from time to time, and I’m sure we’ve all been yelled at by them at some point. Verbal abuse however, is not something that is normal, and the two shouldn’t be confused. A parent who constantly humiliates their child, yells and screams at them, talks down on them is in simple terms, an abuser.

In episode 1, when Jukyung tries makeup on for the first time and goes to school, she gets ridiculed by her bullies and her classmates. Crestfallen, she returns back home after school and goes to her mother for reassurance. Instead of providing that, her mother ridicules her even more and calls her makeup “Ghost Makeup”. This is something abusers often do. Under the guise of teasing the victim, they often attack the victim’s self esteem, appearance etc, to make them feel insecure and to maintain their position of power over them. Jukyung’s mother isn’t very different from those bullies who told Jukyung that she was ugly and made her feel like she could never amount to anything.

Another example that irks me a lot is from episode 3, when Jukyung’s Mom is chewing her out for being late, and suddenly the conversation turns to cosmetics and makeup. This is also one of the traits of verbal abuse. Instead of arguments surrounding the basic issue, they branch out and turn into character assassination. Her mom accuses Jukyung of wasting all her time on makeup instead of studying, even when Jukyung clarifies that she got late because she missed her bus, not because she was out buying cosmetics. But her mom doesn't listen and says to her, “What’s the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on when you’re still ugly underneath?”

Jukyung’s face after hearing her own mother say that was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, this type of mother-daughter relationship dynamic isn’t something that is rare. Mothers frequently project their own insecurities on their daughters and put them down. Jukyung’s Mother’s behavior explains her self esteem issues, it gives an insight about where her insecurities really stem from. Sometimes our abuser’s thoughts and image of us start maligning our own self image. Frequently hearing them tell us that we are worthless, and that no one will ever marry us or love us, makes us believe that we are in fact, worthless and incapable of being loved unless we change something about ourselves. We frequently get an insight into how Jukyung thinks of herself throughout the drama.

“It’s not my fault that I was born dumb” (In episode 7, after finding out that her mother threw away her makeup.)

“You know that I’m messed up” (In episode 2, referring to her face, while asking Lee Suho to keep her bare face a secret)

The drama is yet to end so I don’t want to completely write Jukyung’s Mother off as an abuser. I hope she becomes a better mom in the show, I really do. Because Jukyung deserves a loving mother. And Jukyung's mom does in fact have a few redeeming qualities, however, simply love and caring isn’t enough, you need mutual respect, reassurance and effort in each every relationship. We know that Jukyung’s mother is also often labelled as an ugly woman, and she believes that she could only get by through studying well. (“It’s going to be okay as long as you study well” - episode 1). In a world where a woman either has to a exceptionally beautiful to be considered worthy, or be exceptionally intelligent and professional lest she isn’t blessed by beauty, it’s very easy to internalize self hatred and direct it on to other individuals (especially if those individuals are your children). That is why i genuinely find myself rooting for Jukyung’s mother and hoping for a character development arc -- because i understand where she comes from, and because i can empathize with her.

Fin.

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3nd0fr3gss · 3 years ago

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Small Ancestor Work Things <3

@3nd0fr3gss

This is a list of things that I don't really see talked about when discussing ancestor work and my personal experiences regarding the things mentioned. I'll make another post soon about my experiences overall with ancestor work, but until then, here's this!

3. You do NOT have to have contact or a relationship with an ancestor to fix what they have caused

1. Ancestors are not just related by blood. They can be friends that were more family, by adoption, or just by association to you. Family isn't defined by biological creation alone.

2. Correcting behavior or actively taking steps to help those effected by the choices of family that is still living is also ancestor work. Not everyone you need to heal from, for you or others, is already dead. Fix what's in front of you if you can.

3. You do not have to have contact or a relationship with an ancestor to help heal the traumas and impacts they have caused. This is extremely important, especially if they were/are abusive to you in any way and you aren't comfortable with their presence. You don't have to associate with them to fix what they broke.

4. Ancestor work is vastly different from ancestor veneration (@/thathoneywitch on TikTok speaks about it on a public platform often, but they should not be your soul source of information regarding this). There is a difference between honoring your ancestors and cleaning up after them, and ancestor veneration generally includes both of those. Ancestor work, however, is typically just described as "fixing their shit". It's a HUGE difference and people don't talk about it often.

5. Ancestor work starts with noticing problems in what you were taught and calling yourself out. You can't undo what they've already done, but you CAN prevent yourself from continuing the cycle. Patterns don't stop until they run out of the pieces that make them (AKA "breaking" them). You can notice the things they did and taught others including you as much as you want, but you need to correct the behaviors too or you aren't really helping it. It's kind of like when your parents used to say something that always got on your nerves or hurt you as a kid and you realize you've started saying it too. Once you realize or are taught that the behaviors and thoughts you are exhibiting are harmful, you need to work past them in yourself and correct the patterns you're continuing.

5. This is something I originally saw from one of the OG popular tumblr posts a long time ago and it fits very well in this (especially following 4 on this list): "...the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are." Fixing habits start with realizing your actions aren't helping anything and working to correct those, but just because you don't have the actions anymore doesn't really mean you're "done" with it. After you fix the actions that were shown outwardly, fix the thoughts that you were given and make improvements. You can and should unlearn harmful things, even if you didn't realize they were harmful.

6. People (living or not) still exist outside of your perception of them and that's ok. No one can really be labeled as good or bad in an infinite sense because the line between the two is up to personal understanding. This is important because someone you could've known when they were alive would've been described as "the best" by you or other family, but that doesn't mean they didn't have harmful tendencies that still need to be fixed in practice. You can have your opinion of them without disregarding their influence on the present situations and still work to help.

7. You can't base your entire existence on not being like them. You are still your own person with a life, memories, and progress to make- and you shouldn't rule that existence with the effort to be the opposite of what was before you. You are allowed to make your own mistakes (but remember to correct them after and grow from their lessons) and learn things for yourself so you can understand your own impact. Yes, it's really important to fix the damage they've inflicted, but you still need to acknowledge the changes your existence creates. You do not exist simply to fix their memory. You can find a healthy balance between the 2, and I highly encourage it!

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lovemesomerafael · 5 years ago

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It’s Complicated Chapter 2: The Rest Of The Story

Source: @fortheloveofbarba

Read Chapter 1

The man in the box was a good candidate. He’d been arrested trying to fence items stolen from not one, but two of the victims. Not only that, but he was angry and uncooperative, and his interaction with Lieutenant Benson and Sergeant Dodds thus far in the interrogation was certainly nasty enough to be consistent with the guy Dr. Rojas had said they were looking for. However, he wouldn’t give them DNA, and he had alibis for the times of the rapes. Fin and Rollins were out at that moment checking them out.

Barba and Rojas stood on opposite sides of the one-way glass in Benson’s office, as far apart as they could, as they watched the interrogation, hoping for a break. Over the three weeks they’d been working together, things had not improved between them.

“Y’all trippin’,” sneered the skinny, tweaked-out kid. “You wastin’ your time. I told you where I was when them rapes went down. Just check it out.”

“We’re doing that,” Dodds said. “In the meantime, maybe you can tell us where you got the stuff you were trying to sell. Because it’s pretty suspicious that it belongs to two of the women who were raped.”

“I done told you that. Some dude gave it to me.”

Dodds sighed and moved closer to the suspect, whom Dodds dwarfed. “Describe the dude,” he said, slowly and distinctly.

“I don’t feel like it.”

Barba was scowling thoughtfully. “This kid knows a lot about this case that he’s not saying,” he muttered to himself.

Frankie cut her eyes to him. She’d just been thinking the same thing. “But he’s not our guy.”

“No. And we’re asking the wrong questions.”

“Have you noticed his weird affect? I can’t pin it down, but there’s something…”

As she looked at Barba while he stared thoughtfully into the interrogation room, Frankie noticed for the first time how well-cut his hair was. She knew an expensive haircut when she saw one. She wondered whether that was what Amanda had been talking about when she’d called him hot. He did have a nice profile, she supposed. To be fair, he wasn’t ugly by any stretch. And since Amanda had mentioned his green eyes, she had noticed those, too. But hot? Barba? Not with that personality.

Suddenly, it struck her what the witness’s behavior reminded her of. “You ever see a little kid try to keep a secret? How they’re just busting with it, dying to tell?”

Barba looked over at her, nodding. “Yes.” He looked back through the glass, still nodding. “Yes.”

As he watched the suspect, he had to admit that was a good description of his behavior. After just that brief look at Dr. Rojas, he also had to admit that she was wearing a very nice suit today, which fit her extremely well. He’d noticed that all her accessories, from the necklace that - though subtle - probably cost as much as his suit, to the chic shoes that elongated and accentuated her legs without drawing attention to themselves, showed excellent taste. Barba usually liked well-dressed women, but on her, the effect was ruined. Rather than appreciating her outfit, Barba found that it left a sour taste in his mouth. He knew that he would probably have admired her if he hadn’t known who Francisca Rojas was. But he did. He knew that she was one of them. She might be Latina, but she wasn’t one of his people.

Rafael Barba was insightful enough, at least, to recognize that he had a particular chip on his shoulder when it came to Dr. Rojas and the rest of her privileged class, to whom everything came entirely too easily. People who expected that, and believed it to be no more than their due, and who had very little regard for people like him and his family, who had to earn their achievements. Any display of unearned wealth disturbed him on a deep level wherever he saw it, and he was looking at it right now. Her father might be self-made, but she was not.

He had met far too many of her type in his life. His parents had sacrificed to send him to Catholic school so that he would get the best possible education, which meant all his friends from Jerome Avenue were together at public school while he was incarcerated with all the posh kids from the surrounding area. With the fierce cruelty of children to anyone who stands out, his classmates had made sure he understood his inferiority, mocking everything about him that set him apart, even the fact that he was smarter than any of them. It didn’t get better in college, it was just more well-concealed. And at Harvard… Well, Rafael had actually preferred Catholic school. At Harvard, the culture of overt prejudice against “scholarship kids” was not only blatant but encouraged, and highlighted by an irremediable difference of wealth and social class that no amount of achievement could touch. It was there that Rafael’s dislike of the trappings of wealth and social distinction was honed to a razor-sharp hatred.

Getting nothing further from the suspect, Benson and Dodds eventually had to end the questioning and arrest the suspect for nothing more than receiving stolen goods. None of them thought he was the rapist, and none of them thought he was going to give them anything that might lead them to the rapist. When Fin and Rollins returned, having confirmed his alibis for the times of the rapes, no one was surprised.

As the suspect was being led out of the box to be booked, Olivia signaled. “Rafa, Dr. Rojas, can we talk in my office?”

Hearing that, the suspect involuntarily flinched and turned to look at Frankie, lighting up with interest. Trouble was written plainly in his sudden wide smile as he gave her an insolent once-over. “You’re Frankie Rojas? I know someone who is looking for you.”

“Oh?” She asked, too surprised to hide her reaction.

“Yeah. Alan sends his best,” the skinny punk laughed as he was led from the squad room.

Frankie blanched and appeared to falter as she put a hand out to steady herself on the nearest desk. Barba and Olivia shared a look. What was that?

They headed into Olivia’s office and took positions around the small room, Olivia behind her desk, and Barba and Rojas on opposite sides of the couch. Mike Dodds started to close the door but was stopped by a tall, very good-looking man with dark hair whom no one had noticed enter the squad room.

“Hey, Porter,” Dodds said, holding the door open looking expectantly over at Lieutenant Benson.

She smiled regretfully. “Ten minutes, Dean. I’m sorry, we just need to have a short debrief.”

Frankie surprised everyone by standing up from the couch and saying, “No, I think he should come in. And I think he should stay.”

All eyes turned to her as she looked at Olivia’s live-in boyfriend, FBI Agent Dean Porter, who had come to take Olivia to lunch. Normally, that would have been cause for a fair amount of suggestive joking, since the relationship was fairly new and rumored to be very physical, but not today.

“He’s here,” Frankie said to Porter, the fear in her voice unmistakable. “Porter, Alan is here.”

“Fuck,” Porter said, and closed the door.

Olivia briefly scanned the faces in the room, paying extra attention to Rojas and Porter. She looked from one to the other, saying, “Is someone going to explain what’s going on?”

Porter held out a hand to Frankie, inviting her to speak. He and Dodds remained standing while she collapsed back into her seat. She took a deep breath and exhaled it forcefully before beginning.

“Everything you know about me is true. Porter and I did meet at Quantico and we did… work together. When you hear ‘we worked together’, that sounds like we were partners or on the same team or something, and we let that impression stand. We were both working Major Crimes, but that’s not… that’s not how we knew each other. We knew each other because I was a victim in one of his cases.” She sighed again. “There was a man – is a man named Alan Canady. Long story short, he wants to kill me.”

After dropping that grenade, Frankie simply waited for questions. None came. She looked around for help, but everyone in the room was too skilled an interrogator to think of interrupting.

So she continued. “We met in San Antonio, when I first started with the Bureau. He and I dated for about six months. It’s the textbook story we’ve all heard a million times. At first, he seemed entirely normal. But then, over time, he got progressively more possessive. It happened so slowly I didn’t realize it at first. Have I missed any of the clichés yet?”

Olivia muttered, “Stop it, Doc. We’re familiar with the pattern, yes. But we don’t judge our victims here. Just tell us what happened.”

Frankie smiled thinly in gratitude. It was one thing to be the one who got to say those things. It was another to believe them when they were said to you.

“One day, something happened. It was so small, just one of those little, stupid things that happen every day. I had to work late, and then my car wouldn’t start. By then, Alan had all these rules. I was supposed to call him any time I wasn’t going to be where I’d said I would, but we didn’t even have a date that night, and we didn’t live together or anything… And then when my car wouldn’t start, one of my coworkers was right there, and he gave me a ride home. I didn’t even think about it until we got to my house, and Alan was there. He was seething. He accused me of… well, this isn’t a very original story. You know the rest. It was the first time he hit me. And then it escalated, like it always does, until I ended up in the hospital. So I broke up with him. He went nuts, stalked me for a while, and was such a general pain in my ass that I decided to take a position in Virginia to get away from him. I thought that was the end of it, until he showed up there.”

“He followed you to Virginia?” Barba asked.

Frankie was having a hard enough time working around the shame of having to reveal this to her new colleagues. She simply couldn’t respond to Barba, of all people. She could only imagine what he would be like to work with now.

“He followed her and torched her house,” Porter answered for her. “With her asleep inside.”

“Shit,” Dodds hissed.

“I don’t think he was trying to kill me at that point. It was easy enough to get out once I woke up. He was just trying to scare me into taking him back.” Frankie pointedly did not look at anyone but Porter, who knew the whole story. “Anyway, that’s when I met Porter. Alan was always one step ahead of us. It doesn’t look like he moved to Virginia, which is part of why he was so hard to trace. He just visited enough to make my life miserable and keep me scared. But he escalated. That’s when Porter started to recommend that I leave town. In retrospect, I should have, but I fought it for a long time. I was so pissed! I didn’t want to have to start over in a new city, again.”

“So what happened?” Dodds asked.

“Porter came to New York to be with Olivia and the Bureau assigned a new Special Agent to the case. When she came on, she took one look and said I had to get out of Virginia. Alan was trying to kill me for real, and he was going to succeed one of these times. She said that Porter and I were like those frogs in the pot of water. You know that saying? You turn up the heat gradually enough and they’ll just get used to it until they’re boiled alive, not realizing how hot it is? She said it was too hot for me to stay at Quantico, and she went over my head to get me reassigned. She called Porter, who knew about this job because of Olivia, and here I am. You can read the file if you want. You probably should. Because now Alan’s here. Already.”

The room digested the new information.

“How do you know?” Porter asked. “How do you know he’s here?”

“We were questioning a suspect just now,” Dodds answered. “When he heard Liv call her ‘Dr. Rojas’, he recognized her name. He called her by her first name and he told her ‘Alan sends his best.’”

Porter looked concerned. “What was the suspect’s crime?”

“We’re charging him with receiving stolen goods, but we were questioning him because the stolen goods belonged to two victims of the rapist we’re calling Pattern 20,” Rafael answered. He was watching Dr. Rojas carefully. From the complex look on her face, she wasn’t thinking anything good.

“Is he good for the rapes?” Porter asked.

“We don’t think so,” Rafael responded. He thought Rojas was suddenly very quiet for someone who enjoyed sharing her opinions as freely as she did.

“How��s this tweaker kid know who Frankie is? How’s he make the connection between her and Alan Canady?” Porter mused, looking at Olivia but not particularly asking the question of her. Frankie looked at her, too, hoping she’d have an idea, because that was the question bothering Frankie, too.

“That’s what we’re going to ask him,” Olivia answered. “Let’s get lunch while he’s being booked.”

The group filed out of the office, with Dodds holding the door. Due to her position in the room, Frankie was the last one to reach the door.

“Doc, a word?” Dodds asked.

“Sure,” she said, hanging back while he re-closed the door.

“I’m sure the Lieu won’t mind if we borrow her office,” Dodds said, indicating the couch. They both sat.

“What’s on your mind?” She asked.

“That’s my question to you, actually. Guy tries to kill you multiple times, runs you out of two cities and chases you to a third… I’m guessing you have some thoughts about that.”

“You trying to shrink the shrink?” Frankie’s smile didn’t reach her eyes.

Mike simply replied, “Yes.”

Frankie stood, hugging her arms to her waist and looking out the window into the squad room. “I appreciate it, Sergeant. I do. And you’re right. I question what it was about me that this prick thought he could treat me the way he did. I feel like a damn imbecile, choosing him to date when I’m supposed to be an expert on this kind of stuff. But most of all, now I’m fucking scared again. And that pisses me off.”

She turned around to look at him again. “That about what you expected to hear?”

He shrugged. “Just about. You’re the psychiatrist, and you have more experience in this field than I do, but all that sounds pretty damn normal to me.”

“It is. But that doesn’t make me hate it any less.”

Dodds nodded but didn’t say anything, just giving her an opportunity to talk if she needed to.

“I appreciate the shoulder, Sergeant. But I’d appreciate an arrest more.”

“Understood. And one other thing.”

“Yes?”

“You’ve said ‘fucking’ in front of me now. That means you get to call me Mike.”

Frankie insisted upon being in the room when they questioned the tweaker kid again. When Barba refused to allow it, she initially tried to talk him around, but he refused even to consider it. The harder she pushed, the angrier he became, until the argument became so heated, Olivia insisted they go into one of the other interrogation rooms to work it out. She then had to stop Carisi and Rollins from using the speaker to eavesdrop. Even without the speaker, it was easy enough to hear Barba and Rojas shouting at one another in Spanish. Olivia knew just enough to recognize that some of the words they were using were not polite.

“This is my life, Barba! I am going to be there.”

“’This is my life?’ Really? Isn’t that what teenagers say when their parents won’t let them drop out of school to become beat poets?”

“Don’t you fucking patronize me! I have as much right to be in that room as you do, and you cannot keep me out.”

“In fact, you don’t, and I can. And I am.”

“This man has tried to kill me multiple times. He’s here to try again. I’m not playing games here.”

“Neither am I, Doctor. I’m doing my job. I’m making sure that your little tantrum doesn’t destroy three separate criminal cases. One of which, I might add, is yours.”

“My little tantrum…?”

“I realize you aren’t all that familiar with the word ‘no’, but I also realize you have a law degree and, although you’ve never practiced law, you should at least recognize the concept that having the victim do the interrogation is a bit of a conflict of interest.”

Frankie was too angry to form a coherent sentence. “You egotistical son of a… strutting around like a tin-pot dictator in your little fiefdom…”

“Calling names is not particularly refined discourse, Doctor. But if we were calling names, I’d call you a fresa[1] and suggest you go have your nails done and let the rest of us get to work.”

”A… A… you did not just call me a fresa to my face.”

“Nothing wrong with your grasp of the obvious. I’m going to…” He started moving toward the door, but she stepped in front of him, stopping with their faces very close together as they shouted.

“I am a fully-qualified Forensic Psychiatrist with all the credentials. I’m perfectly qualified to take part in questioning this suspect. I happen to be very good at interrogations, which you would know if you ever took your eyes off the mirror. I also know this case. That is why I should be in that room! Anything else you might think is utter bullshit.”

“Really. I can’t help but notice you’re quite unhappy about being one of the lowly victims we work so hard to protect. It’s lovely to play the lady bountiful in your pristine Elie Saab, but it must be terrible for you to have to rub elbows with the great unwashed…”

“Stop talking.” She growled.

“With pleasure. Get out of my way. I have an interrogation to attend.”

For a very, very long moment, they stood there, glaring at one another, their breath heaving in their anger. Rafael was furious and completely frustrated by her irrational, petulant refusal to see reason. He was also painfully hard. Before he lost control of his urge to bend her over the table in the middle of the room, he stepped around Frankie to the door and left without another word. Frankie knew she wanted to throw him to the ground at that moment. What she didn’t know was which she wanted to do first, fuck him or punch his lights out.

[1] Literally means “strawberry”, but is Mexican and Latin American slang meaning stuck up, fake, snob, one who thinks they’re better than everyone else because they were born rich, and are well-educated.

#rafael barba #raul esparza #law & order svu #law & order: special victims unit #mike dodds #olivia benson #law & order SVU Agent Dean Porter #sonny carisi #amanda rollins

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miraculously-dedicated · 6 years ago

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Ikari Gozen

🚨 HUGE SPOILER WARNING 🚨

The whole episode was played during the Miraculous Ladybug panel for SDCC so for those that wish to wait for the proper release, I will keep everything hidden under the “keep reading” tab. (it’s going to be super long anyway)

You still here?

Great, LET’S GET INTO IT!

HOLY SHIT I LOVED THIS EPISODE❤❤ (I say that for pretty much almost all episodes but can you really blame me?)

The friendship challenge sounded like a such a cute and cool concept that I personally really liked. Like you know how we have so many National something days that nobody really cares to much to even remember? PARIS DOESN’T HALF-ASS ANYTHING Y’ALL. They take the concepts that TRULY matter and make sure it is celebrated, respected, and appreciated to its fullest. Making sure to remind everyone about what’s truly important, keeping their faith in humanity strong, strengthening the communities bonds, just like in Heroes Day! It’s honestly just such a sweet feeling and I really wish people would talk about this concept more. I can’t wait too see what other fun events the show has planned.

Tomoe continues to be a badass. A good mother? ......UHHHH 😬😬

Aaww, Kagami just wants more friends.

WTF, THEIR CAR??? OKAY THEN. I guess I really shouldn’t be so surprised since they ARE rich. (Especially since Gabriel has a freaking hologram in his car, so that really makes the Tsurugi’s pale in comparison)

Ooooohhh clever girl. I love how both Kagami and Adrien are rebellious against their commanding parents.

“OH NO SHE’S CUTE”-Marinette Dupain Cheng 2019😂

I am Mari in public🤣🤣

“She’s such a weird girl” You’ll get used to it sweetie

MARINETTE NO, WHY??? COME ON! (She REALLY has serious jealousy issues)

“Okay on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t play the game” YOU AND ME BOTH TIKKI

(No hate towards Marinette, I love her with all my heart, but the girl still has to seriously work on her emotions)

KAGAMI TRYING TO SMILE IS MY FAVORITE (everyone is a constant mood in this show)

I love how there are so many awkward characters, and how the writers did such a good job showing how different characters with different upbringings have different ways of displaying that. Just like with any other emotions or personal issues, it is a wide spectrum and never just one-dimensional thing. I appreciate it so much is because as a very awkward person myself, I can relate. It feels nice to have something like that be acknowledged and positively included and definitely helped boost my confidence when I was younger🥰.

Okay Marinette is definitely 100% me I’m really indecisive as well

*Kagami listing down Marinette’s traits to determine her blood type* “Split personality” Excuse me?? The reason it stuck out to me the most is because the definition of split personality is: Another term for dissociative identity disorder; A rare psychological disorder in which two or more personalities with distinct memories and behavior patterns apparently exist in one individual. In this case the different personalities have no memory or even knowledge of the others existence. ...WELL I’m pretty sure Marinette doesn’t have DID but if you think about it... What if Kagami meant it as a, less extreme, figure of speech to describe Marinette’s behavior? Marinette is filled surprises, so much so, that I honestly have a hard time figuring her character out. She may seem like a simple, typical shoujo-esque character but OH NO MY DUDE. I HEAVILY disagree. (But that’s a different post all together for another day)

“HEY”

Cue montage of Marinette trying to screw everything up but Kagami still wins with ease (aka Chaotic Neutral vs No Bullshit🤣)

“Trust exercise. Exchange unlocked phones with your partner.” OH NO. PHONE THIEF MARINETTE MAKES A COMEBACK

MARINETTE DON’T GO THROUGH HER PHONE

Wait Kagami doesn’t even have Adrien’s contact? And she even searched up how to make friends. AWW MY POOR LONELY BABY, MUST PROTECT AT ALL COSTS.

Not to mention how proud I was of Marinette for immediately realizing her mistake and wanting to fix everything between the two of them. I will definitely make a future post about the relationship development between Marinette and Kagami, but all I can say now is that there has been HEAVY miscommunication between them up until this moment. Both girls did not have a good impression on the other leading to false interpretations and a overall poor thought of character towards each other. In Marinette’s case, she thought Kagami was full of herself with her bold and and competitive streak, due to her many success in the the past. She thought Kagami literally couldn't care less about others but learned it was quite the opposite. Kagami yearns for friends and companionship but is just awkward at showing it. Learning that, Marinette changes her idea about Kagami completely and wants to make her wish come true.

“Are all humans this noisy?” Marinette just smiles awkwardly. AT LEAST SHE’S SELF-AWARE (Seriously I’m glad their bringing up this unhealthy behavior, my girl needs to CHILL)

AW NO SHE SAW THE VIDEO, NO BABY, FUCK OFF HAWKMOTH

AH SHIT HER MOM FOUND OUT SHE LIED

MARINETTE IS PROTECTING KAGAMI.

KAGAMI IS GENUINELY GRATEFUL FOR THAT AND CHEERS UP

I’M GOING TO CRY THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I honestly love how in a second, their relationship took a complete 180. Marinette just suddenly becomes very protective and attentive towards Kagami. She is taking full responsibility of her past actions by genuinely caring for her new friend and the best part is, I think Kagami saw that as well! I love my girls, their friendship is so sweet.

OH MY GOD IKARI GOZEN’S DESIGN IS SICK

Did...Did she just EAT HER DAUGHTER???

WAX ADRIEN MAKES A COMEBACK😂

A movie ticket??

Wait Fu works at the movies???

WAIT HAWKMOTH KNOWS WHO HE IS, WHAT I’M SORRY WHAT ELSE DID WE MISS???????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

HELL YEAH DRAGON KAGAMI FOR THE WIN

Bath-bombs now????

YEET

OKAY I’VE KNOW LONGG FOR LIKE THREE SECONDS AND I ALREADY LOVE THEM

Best transformation phase so far

AAAHHH RYUKO IS LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HER

AND HER POWERS ARE AWESOME

AND SHE’S SUCH A BADASS I’M IN LOVE💖💖

SHE’S PERFECT

Ladybug being a true mentor, supporting Ryuuko 😭❤❤

AH SHIT NOT CAT NOIR TOO

Ok that was a really smart plan

“I have good teachers” MY HEART

THE DRAGON MIRACULOUS HAS SUCH COOL POWERS I WANT IT

My new FAVORITE akumas and battle in the show so far

THAT POUND IT😭😭❤

AH NO PLEASE LET KAGAMI USE THE MIRACULOUS AGAIN IN THE FUTURE

“I don’t have many friends.” “ What matters isn’t having lots of friends, but the ones you do have are true friends.” I SWEAR THIS SHOW IS GONNA KILL ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. Also I swear, Ladybug proves time and time again she is the emotional support everyone needs.

“The game is over. We lost.” “No. We won the right to get orange juice together! If you still want to that is.” MARI, YOU’RE AN ANGEL I LOVE YOU💖. Seriously I’m really proud of Marinette for always being so mature at the end of the day. Even when Kagami mentions how Adrien was right about Marinette being a good friend, you can see Marinette was a bit upset over it, BUT she immediately got over it and focused on having a fun time with Kagami. I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR HOW I FEEL AFTER SEEING THAT.

Also the long awaited question since day 1 has been answered. Marinette’s zodiac sign is a snake.

THAT CUTE SELFIE AT THE VERY END

So yeah! That basically summarizes all my (MANY) feelings about this wonderful episode! I loved the theme of friendship, the development between my two best girls, the akuma battle and dragon miraculous, all the asian cultural references, there was just so much to digest. Ikari Gozen was definitely a character heavy episode that adds so much more context and depth to the overall understanding and arcs for both Marinette and Kagami, there is only so much more to go from here! With that said I will definitely do my best to come up with a full blown analysis post for both girls and how their relationship developed and some for Kagami alone as well (Mari too of course, that just might take a bit longer). There is already something I have in the works😉...

#ml s3 spoilers #ikari gozen #marinette dupain cheng #kagami tsurugi #how many times have i written both their names in this post?

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daazurebanana · 5 years ago

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“It is so hard to be a normal person when one is not a normal person.”

Helping Mental Disorders

When I was a senior in high school, I went on a field trip with my English class to Salt Lake City to see a Sundance film. The movie, “Notes on Blindness”, was a true story about a man named John Hull who had a disease that took his sight when he was in his 30s. I remember being totally in awe of the way the film showed blindness, something I never expected to see or feel. Mental disorders are, in a unique way, a kind of blindness. Living with a mental illness is like living in a different world -- one that cannot be understood or lived in by the meager average human like me. Now, I don’t say that to offend, though offense is bound to be taken by someone on this planet, I will verbally stand my ground from where I sit on my couch. You, try as you might, can never truly empathize with me, and I likewise, cannot completely empathize with you no matter how similar we may be. Thus, really, we are all blind in a way. If this is true of two “normal” people, the divide is especially wide between a normal person and one with mental illness. Nevertheless, I don’t mean to imply by this that mental disorders should be eliminated or dismissed. I don’t think mental disorders should be erased. This is a research argument is it not? I merely wish to draw your attention to the goods and evils of mental disorders, whether someone else’s or your own; focusing on clinical depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety as they are found in my family.

Partial Personality Disorder

A long-time loyal social worker for a foster care facility, one probably wouldn’t immediately assume my step-aunt Sarah suffered from Borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD, also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD). BPD is a mental disorder similar to bipolar in its propensity to mood swings as a result of abandonment and instability issues in their relationships, make being alone extremely difficult, causing extreme behaviors that tend to drive other people away. It includes symptoms like “self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships. The effect BPD has on one’s perception of self and others creates many difficulties in daily life” (Mayo Clinic).

Her development of BPD was in response to the divorce of her parents. Her father and older siblings, while she remained with her mother . As she approached the teenage years, she showed increased symptoms of abandonment issues as is common. She struggled with cutting, became very volatile, suicidal and promiscuous. The symptoms worsened as she got older until eventually, her mother admitted her to the hospital for treatment. As she became an adult, she was able to gain more control of her moods with the help of education in social work and the natural passage of time. Though Sarah does not mention her diagnosis in the memoir, as she describes the everyday niceties of life and the trials, there is a trace of something off-balanced about the way she describes people and memories which could easily be put down to the cancer she was struggling with, or simply exaggeration (Southey, Sarah).

Although Sarah is not a blood-relative, her disorder intrigues me. According to the Mayo clinic’s page about treating BPD, psychotherapy is the best option. With patience and willingness to make changes, patients could eventually learn to live in a self-reliant manner. Perhaps the most valuable lesson from my step-aunt’s memoir is that no matter when or how it happens, success is often possible. This doesn’t mean it is easy. In a rather hard-to-understand article I perused, the authors said that ‘it cannot be denied that people with mental disorders cannot recover completely and (the illness) will even hamper their productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). Certainly, in my aunt’s case, for example, success was delayed by her disorder, but it was not stopped. Sure, not everyone can be an astronaut, but satisfaction with self and achievements is possible. This is possible for anyone by finding knowing personal limits and asking for help when needed. This is true of both people both with and without disabilities.

Bipolar

Memories are stretchy and blurry things, pliable to new information and experiences so I can’t give the exact order of the events of the year I turned six, but I do remember moving to Utah, my mom giving birth to twins, and my dad being admitted to the hospital. My aunt and uncle offered to watch my older sister and me, so we packed some clothes and drove for hours before arriving to be baked alive in the suffocating Las Vegas heat for two weeks (the equivalent of 2 months in kid-years). Being six, I couldn’t understand why I was with these people instead of my own family. Every night I’d sit on my bed with my 16-year-old cousin and sob fat tears as I made her show me how many days were left before I could go home.

What I couldn’t comprehend at the time was that my father was admitted to the hospital due to a mental breakdown. It was the beginning of a recession and he had just lost his job, been injured in a car accident, become the father of (now) 6 children, and signed a new mortgage. He was thrown into a situation that would have been too much pressure even for someone without his struggles with a mental disorder. That episode was the first of many I can remember--the latest being last week, when he had a severe anxiety attack and was admitted for a week and a half to a mental institution that confiscated every possible danger, right down to his shoelaces.

My father has severe anxiety and bipolar II, meaning instead of having extreme highs and extreme lows, he experiences what is called ‘hypomania’: an emotional spectrum that has less extreme manic episodes and spends more time in the depression, resembling clinical depression. For a very long time I personally--and I am sure I am not alone--have had the tendency to interpret his reaction to stress as weakness. Reflecting on my six-year-old mindset, the belief that when presented with a trial, it is one’s own responsibility to remain strong and to protect those one loves--not to weigh them down, was incorrect. One of the main roadblocks to helping those with and without mental disorders is a difficulty “with self-care and...informing others of their needs” (Arredondo, Emanuel), and being sensitive to the needs for special support without bias is important. Such prejudices is society can be poisonous because issues that arise can’t be solved because the sufferer does not feel they can openly share their feelings.

In society, vulnerability and sensitivity seem like signs of human weakness; something to be smothered, swallowed and overcome. But that is simply not true. It is true that mental disorders cause problems--to put it mildly. But here is a thought that a friend of mine put to me one day as I was moping around about something: “if it is inevitable, why not be happy about it?” That is not to say that anyone is wrong for being unhappy, but if it is inevitable, why beat ourselves up about it? Depending on the disorder, the reactions in our body that produce the disorder are different. One’s proclivity to having a disorder is not as simple as having one or not having one. In the article “Psychiatric genetics: back to the future," by Carson M. Owen and M. O’Donovan, it is explained that, although there are exceptions, disorders are a result of genes interacting with other genes or genes reacting to the environment. Gene-gene interaction implies that a person has the disorder no matter how the environment interacts with them, whereas gene-environment interaction refers to one developing a disorder as a result of a negative environment. But here’s the thing: both have the potential of disorder either way. Both often become apparent in teenage years to young adulthood when people are faced with a lot of stressful situations and decisions like college, moving away from home, dating, marriage, and starting a career. If stress is the catalyst, how can one a genetic predisposition to avoid a disorder? Although a perfect life is ideal, it is also impossible, as I have shown in the experience of my Aunt Sarah.

So much money and effort is spent on preventing and treating mental disorders, that the concept that mental disorders destroy is drilled into our craniums. But what do they inspire? There is a natural tendency to consider mental illness as something that is a burden. We have a tendency in our lives to see problems and try to fix all of them at once, but what we really need to do is take a breath and figure out what we can and cannot control, and from there press forward. Accepting our weaknesses is not the same thing as being satisfied with them.

Dr. Jamison is a well-renowned psychiatrist who specialized in academic medicine and manic-depressive illness (bipolar). In her autobiography: “An Unquiet Mind”, she shares her research related to bipolar as well as her experience as she undergoes the same intense mood swings as her patients. Kay Jamison helps the blind to see, in a way (or, to continue my earlier comparison, she helps the seeing to be blind.) "An Unquiet Mind" (more than anything else I have ever read) helps a person on the outside looking in to understand the chaotic nature of disorders--meaning chaotic in the sense of "uncontrollable", not necessarily "manic".

She relates having a disorder to the lifestyle of a blind teenager she used to counsel. Having met with him for many months, she felt she understood what it was like to be blind; however, one day she came to see him in class and was shocked to see that the room was totally dark, while he and the rest of the class were sitting quietly listening to a recording. This experience made her realize that she really did not know what is meant to be blind. We cannot fully understand what it is like to live with another's disorder, but Dr. Jamison says that we can love them and just be with them. The diversity of every single human ‘bean’s’ perspective adds spice to the whole of the culture. Our culture is profoundly influenced by the positives of mental illness. Bipolar disorder and depression are linked to creativity and productivity--many poets, writers, actors, singers, and other artists have made significant contributions to society. Take Dostoyevsky and Van Gogh (and my own father who has written 9 novels, a chemistry, and a computer textbook, makes cheese, is a blacksmith, a lapidarist...you get the picture).

As I have said, I don’t think the mental disorder is completely bad, but it does include some inherent and devastating problems. Some of the downsides of bipolar and depression include suicide, psychosis, abuse of others, loss of productivity and meaning, among others. In order to treat, or even better, prevent the negative effects of mental disorders, there are many resources available for both those who struggle with it personally and those who are affected, such as family and friends. Mental disorders make a person turn emotionally inward and become isolated although what they really need is a source to provide energy and emotional support, or in other words, provide energy and hope that life really is worth living. “To supply this demand”, it is “essential in these contexts to build social networks and the provision of social support”(Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

Mental health issues are best handled by having some sort of structure in place. This structure can be found in multiple places: non-profit support groups for mental illness such as Conflict Prevention and Resolution--Brazil (CPR), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), or Omotenashi--Family Experiences Learning Program (FELP), organized religion, or extended family and friends. More often than not, a combination of a few is the most successful in creating a constant safety net. Having these resources when “facing difficulties such as time investment; economic dependency, deprivation of the needs of other family members, lack of social activities and reduction of relations with the outside world,” give much-needed stability and prevent feelings of isolation.

Some form of organization especially helps children, as they are often too young to recognize their own need for support. Research has found time and time again that a church community --unpresuming but always available-- is the optimal choice, with mental and emotional disorders, having much lower rates among young adults who were raised in homogeneous religion-based home. Religion is what saved my father’s life despite numerous trials with his anxiety throughout the years. In the study done by CPR in Brazil, one mother of a child with a mental disorder said: “I would listen, would ask for support, I have always asked assistance from God”. Having a personal relationship with a higher being provides comfort when family and friends are unavailable. As with any child, having a “scaffolding on which to hang one’s life” offers direction in the long run, whereas a child who doesn’t go to church, for example, bases their morals off their parents but does not have the benefit of a social support system. In the case of non-religious people, participating in NAMI or school groups are ideal (Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

It is important to note that in the case of serious mental disorders, often social support is insufficient and requires the aid of medication. Modern medicine, though often abused, as I am well aware of from my time spent training as a pharmacy technician, is necessary for those who struggle seriously with mental illness. The importance of medicine and the fact that there is no shame in it is also the knowledge that I think should be more widespread—with caution. I took medicine for ADHD when I was about 10, and the results were great, but I only used it for a while in order to establish good habits. This may be the case for minor diagnoses like mine, medicine was not necessary but was helpful for my schooling. Serious mental disorders like bipolar, severe anxiety, and clinical depression, however, may require more than a short term prescription for establishing habits. One point Dr. Jamison emphasizes is that if she was given the option to go back and live a life without manic-depressive illness, she would not; granted the medicine was still available.

I have come eventually to realize that just because something appears wrong doesn’t mean I have to fix it. Mental health can be treated and cared for, but in chronic and genetic situations, though it might be subdued many people don’t realize that it cannot be cured. And this is okay. As the quote says, the mental disorder will “hamper [the individual’s and their friends and family’s] productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). I believe this is true not only but specifically when the individual’s relations try to fix them. This puts a strain on everyone and only leads to everyone involved blaming each other and themselves.

“Oh mother, how is it for you?”

(Hull, John)

At an emotional scene from the movie “Notes on Blindness,” John Hull’s wife reflected on her husband’s wrestle with his loss of sight and with it so many other things and mused: “Shall I scratch my eyes out, shall I follow you into this world?” Those with mental disorders are not the only ones affected by it. Family and friends struggle to help their loved ones but can easily become discouraged by the task of relieving the load. Caring for a loved one with mental illness is often a“lonely battle”(Kageyama, Masako). Families are required to learn to live with the disease, facing the difficulties and adapting to the new situation in order to maintain a difficult balance within the family. It can be very isolating and caregivers sometimes sacrifice their own physical and mental well being and that of other loved ones to help the person with a mental disorder. Aid from the same support programs offer comfort and understanding by “address(ing) members’ need for knowledge about mental illness, reduc(ing) their feelings of guilt and self‐blame, decreas(ing) caregivers’ burdens, help(ing) families cope, and improv(ing) parent-child relationships” (Kageyama, Masako). With a community that understands the family members as well as the individual with the mental disorder, feelings of isolation and pressure subside, relationships are healthier.

In the book by Jane Clayson Johnson, "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope", Johnson interviews the husband of a woman with clinical depression who shares how his view of and reactions to his wife’s episodes evolved over the years. At first, he did not feel like family, but someone that was obligated to serve hand and foot. He got caught in a vicious cycle of blaming her for not controlling herself and blaming himself for not being able to fix it. Eventually, he realized casting blaming only dug the pit of depression deeper.

So he did what is unarguably easier said than done, and decided to stop blaming people and start “blaming the illness”. Of the experience he said:"(life with) a person with a mental illness is not doomed to be miserable", it is the responsibility and blame that we stubbornly hold on to that make us miserable. Instead of holding on to virulent bitterness and letting the illness be a barrier, he decided to love his wife. The overarching theme of "An Unquiet Mind" and "Silent Souls Weeping" is the saving grace of simply loving those struggling with some disorder: not because it miraculously relieves them of the symptoms, but because it makes life “worth living”.

The simplest, and yet two of the most beneficial treatment are both education and acceptance. Mental disorders are not a project that can be “fixed”(Clayson Johnson, Johnson) by the experiencer or their loved ones, but one can offer love and can educate themselves. Though undoubtedly necessary for some individuals on a case by case scenario, it would do the most good for both sides to familiarize themselves with the other person’s situation. This creates a kinship of sorts, humanizes others. Just like when you meet the person who will be your best friend the first time you see them, we should not make assumptions but instead, make an effort to understand. The teaching that losing oneself to find oneself is absolutely correct. Love is a treatment in itself.

Works Cited

Agustina Barimbing, Maryati, et al .“Family Atmosphere Make Family Resilience Which Have Adolescent with Mental Disorder (According to “Resilience” Theory of Haase & Peterson)”. International Journal of Nursing Education. July 2019. 1.

Arredondo, Emanuel, et al. “The Global Impact of Intellectual Disability and Other Mental Disorders in Children”. International Journal of Childbirth Education. 2019, Vol. 34 Issue 2, p14-17.

Batistela Vicente, Jéssica, et al. “Mental disorder in childhood: family structure and their social relations”. Escola Anna Nery Revista de Enfermagem. vol. 19, 2015, pp 107-114.

Burland, Joyce. “NAMI: Family to Family Education Program”. NAMI. 2001.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

Johnson, Jane Clayson. "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope". Desert Book. 2018.

Kugelmass, Heather. “Mental disorder among nonreligious adolescents”. Mental Health, Religion & Culture (MENT HEALTH RELIGION CULT). 2015, vol. 18, issue 5.

Kageyama, Masako, et al. “Changes in Families' Caregiving Experiences through Involvement as Participants then Facilitators in a Family Peer-Education Program for Mental Disorders in Japan”. Family Process. 2017, vol. 56 Issue 2, p408.

Lucille Southey, Sarah. “Sarah Lucille Southey: A Memoir”. Dollison Road Books. 2016.

Middleton, Peter, et al. “Notes on Blindness”. 2016

Owen, M., Cardno, A. & O'Donovan, M. "Psychiatric genetics: back to the future". Mol Psychiatry, vol 5, 2000, pp 22–31.

#all you need is love meds therapy and yeah

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reconciliationproject · 6 years ago

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WE HAVE BEEN SO EASILY MANIPULATED INTO POLITICAL AND SOCIAL SEPARATION

With our tacit agreement, we have willingly allowed ourselves to be gradually manipulated into a state of separation, with one half of our country seemingly hating, blaming, accusing and not trusting the other half. It has occurred over time and we have been numbed and force fed a steady cacophony of unrelenting, loud mouthed and shameful stream of focused diatribes, the effect of which has gradually and unerringly driven us, with our tacit consent, into separate camps that comprise our current political and social systems. Congratulations upon being herded into outcomes I don’t think any of us really desired and few of us enjoy. There are, however, means of breaking the spells that have been cast upon us and it’s not too late to remember who we are, remember what’s important and save our democracy so dangerously close to tripping off the precipice of ignorance on which we stand. What is at stake is nothing short of the democratic republic we love so much, the remembrance of who we are, the power we hold, our ability to manifest dreams and to again become aware of the inherent and intentional ability we have to realize we are all better together, not separate, and to do what is necessary to accomplish this essential task.

We have lost much of our inquisitiveness, desire and ability to define the meanings of words and labels designed to separate us into different perceived camps so there can be someone to blame and accuse for the misery and difficulties each of us has been told is present in our daily lives and in our country. We have gradually, over the years, been separated by so many so-called pundits on both the left and the right of the political spectrum. I believe this separation is for their own financial gains, with all of us acting as movable and gullible pieces on some game board. The constancy of their noisy racket, over time, has led us to believe half of our wonderful country is our enemy and think the opposite of what we believe. I don’t think this was the original goal, when the racket began, but upon realization of what effect their noise was creating led to an awareness among these self-absorbed commentators of the power their words had to disburse ideas, create loyal followers and a divided political country. Instead of offering solutions that held possibilities for a win-win for all involved, two separate camps were created in a miasma of self-indulgence, increasing riches for the mouths that sowed division while wearing down a public already worn down by over-work, parenting and trying to cope with the challenges of life itself. Along with the commentators, there has also been deafening and continuous noise from the far left and right public and congressional political groups, who only want things their way, neglecting compromise and also working to drown out reasonable thoughts that strive for win-win outcomes. As a result, so many people have forfeited their ability to think for themselves and to determine their own beliefs and values in the multiple roles each plays in life. In a world-weary and worn-out state, the words of blaming and accusing gradually began to inform us that our misery was caused by those who do not fully agree with us. The manipulation was gradual, constant and perpetuated for the developing greed and power that resulted.

The belief that half of our country is our enemy and think the opposite of what we believe began with the assignment of labels designed to create an enemies list and someone on whom blame can be placed. Labels like conservatives, liberals, independents, socialists, libertarians, communists, far-left, far-right, and others, have been applied to very large swaths of the population and our beliefs in how those labels are defined, as well as what spews forth from the divisive commentators’ mouths, serves to illustrate the idiocy and ignorance of our own reactions and beliefs. Yet so many have taken these selfish assertions as truths and then spout them out of their own mouths, while our numbed-out ability to think on our own and discern truths from fiction have reduced so many to being on some kind of thinking auto-pilot function. We have Democrats blaming Republicans, Republicans blaming Democrats, Independents laughing at and blaming both and all creating a recycling whirlpool of blame. Also in the mix are those who are angry and blame everyone else for their discomfort, while seeking to align with others of similar thoughts, for security and validation, while showing little interest in solutions. Expressing anger can provide some temporary relief from stress, as the energy required to express anger serves to reduce high levels of inner stress a bit. However, the relief is short lived and is only a dysfunctional form of self-care, as it does little to deal with the core of suppressed anger. In my personal and professional experience, I have found that there are two primary emotions underlying, sadness and fear. Those emotions, which so many are uncomfortable acknowledging, honoring and expressing, remain silent and propel the outward coverup and expression of anger, which is in great supply these days.

In spite of the loud verbal assaults thrown back and forth, there are very few who actually reside on the far left and far right political extremes, though their volumes turn up to shout are heard and cause a loud reaction from the opposite extreme. The shouts are duly picked up and sensationalized by the media, who are seemingly so interested in creating sensational stimulation that only adds to the confusing, mind and soul numbing noise that enters our ears and surrounds us on a 24-hour basis. All of this crap is conveyed by different mouths and intents, as a supposed component and illustration of truth, which furthers ignorance, perpetuates resistance and looks for someone to blame for all of the political excrement in which we find ourselves walking, listening and existing, while yearning for peace, calm and wisdom. We are beaten into submission by this constant chatter and surrender our abilities to reason and think for ourselves, as we find ourselves spouting the lines fed to us by commentators. Our surrender, acquiescence and parroting vocabulary is the reward these selfish, self-absorbed dividers seek and the corresponding and horrible cycle set on the repeat mode keeps their words flowing in a recurring pattern and cycle that always produces the same, numbing results. This is what happens when we allow ourselves to be hammered verbally and visually with the blaming and accusing verbiage that goes back and forth like a ping pong ball and eventually leaves us with the sense of mental numbness and fatigue, an induced state for us so sought after by those who profit from our divide. What is being created is a state of fear, with the hope we will stop thinking for ourselves and simply allow them to think for us and have us parrot their self-purported wisdom.

By far, what perpetuates this constant flow of dung is the financial reward the commentators, networks and media have amassed and seek to increase. In this process, which often creates a sense of anger, hopelessness, helplessness, sadness and resentment, we seem to forget our own fervent beliefs about life, what we think is important and the ethical, spiritual and moral values we have developed for ourselves from whatever spiritual and religious tenets-- most of which speak of love, and the importance it might play in our time in life--and place them on hold, or in the background, as the garbage of separation and fear takes over out thoughts, behaviors and responses. In this mental, emotional and physical turmoil, the one thing that seldom appears are real solutions to problems that offer win-win outcomes. The lack of solutions continues to keep the commentators’ pockets lined with financial riches and perpetuates the cycles that enrich misery and themselves, in turn. We ALL have something to contribute and our country has become powerful because we have allowed and counted upon that for ideas and wisdom. Let’s get our thoughts, beliefs, hearts and democracy refurbished, refilled and into play. We ALL have something to contribute. Let’s work to make sure everybody gets to make their own contribution and all are able to participate.

The simple truth is, again, that very few of us are in the political far-right or far-left. Those who reside in those factions are often called activists or radicals and their shouts tend to get a lot of media attention and thrives on sensational and stimulating. Their voices can drown out voices of moderation and compromise. However, there are important roles for activists and radicals to play. Often there are worthy thoughts in their ideas. Indeed, this country was helped along in its creation by such radicals as Samuel Adams and others. Most of us find ourselves on a political continuum floating back and forth between the extremes of conservative and liberal beliefs, depending on the issues. Some are more conservative financially and then may be more liberal regarding some social issues. We slide back and forth along the long line that stretches between the extremes, depending on the issue, yet these separating and dividing pundits want to offer only the idea that we are either/or on all issues. That is a lie! Don’t fall into that trap. If we can be convinced that half of the country is our enemy, then discussion with the other side is made to seem wrong, or weak, and moderation, on any issue, is labeled a betrayal or traitorous just to keep us in line. Demanding a single line of thought or philosophy does not describe a democracy, but rather a dictatorship or an autocracy.

in listening effectively. Our democracy was built on the idea of talking, listening and negotiation, which seems to have broken down on so many levels at this time. Sharing and discussing ideas is what leads to negotiating, creating multi-partisan support and crafting win-win outcome. It is important to revive that result. Without it we have no democracy and we do disservice and dishonor to any responsible role we might play in creating win-win outcomes that work for all.

Let’s bring civility and kindness into fashion, role model it ourselves then expect and demand our leader do the same. Let’s discuss changes for the good that can include ideas of all political persuasions and serve the common good, not just the good of a few. Let’s work to re-introduce self-responsibility and honor back into our own lives, into our country and into this wonderful world we share with so many others. Let’s begin to think for ourselves, with our heads and our hearts and from the seat of spiritual and Divine Loving Kindness we each are at the center of our being. When you listen to talk that is not centered there, and offers no loving and win-win solutions, ask yourself is any of it produces loving kindness outcomes. If not, change the channel or turn it off. Begin to also be aware of how uncomfortable it might feel to begin to think and talk in terms of Love and Loving Kindness. Is there anything in those terms that might be bad, as part of any thoughts, input, ideas or solutions that might be proposed or adopted? Remember, OUR BELIEFS ARE WHAT WE DO. THEY ARE OUR BEHAVIORS, OUR ACTIONS, OUR WORDS. Observe your behaviors and speech and determine whether or not those beliefs are in line with what you truly believe and value. If not, take ideas that seem appealing and put them into practice in your life. If you continue to repeat them then they can eventually become true beliefs. Get off auto-pilot and begin to be consciously aware of your behaviors and your speech and present yourself in the present moment as a reflection of your intentional values and beliefs. Your true wisdom is within, not without. Together let’s create a better place in which we live and make intentional changes that benefit all. Let’s give up living in fear, anger, resentment, blaming and accusing others. Begin to clear the air and remember WE ARE ALL BETTER TOGETHER, NOT SEPARATE. Take good care and let’s begin to create and demand intentional good in ourselves and our leaders.

For more thoughts, go to my blog: TheReconciliationProject.net

#politics #loving kindness #selfimprovement #better together blogger writer

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46ten · 6 years ago

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Do you believe that Hamilton cheated on Eliza more than once? I really hope not and choose to believe he didn't. But I would like to hear your opinion on the matter.

I’m not even sure he cheated with Maria Reynolds! But since he claimed to have done so, let’s hold in this post that AH did indeed have an affair with Maria Reynolds that he truthfully described in the Reynolds Pamphlet.

I approach this matter with two questions:

1. What is the evidence for other extramarital affairs?

2. What can we discern/opine about AH’s attitude/proclivity towards extramarital affairs?

—————–

Evidence for other extramarital affairs:

There is no solid evidence - no one ever claimed to have had an affair with AH, as far as I’ve seen in the historical record. No one who talked to someone and had them tell the story claimed to have had an affair with AH either. There aren’t claims of other children fathered by him after his marriage (except for him as the father of one of Angelica Church’s children, but that gossip dates from the late 19th century). In contemporary accounts. there’s gossip about AH as an adulterer - though more commonly general character slurs - but it’s very difficult for me to determine whether that gossip predates knowledge of the Reynolds affair (late 1792) by AH’s political enemies. How often was he alluded to as an adulterer before that time? I don’t know - if someone else does, please share.

This is what Callendar writes about AH in 1797:

The accusation of an illicit amour, though sounded in notes louder than the last trumpet, could not have defamed the conjugal fidelity of Mr. Hamilton. It would only have been holding a farthing candle to the sun. On that point, the world have previously fixed its opinion. In the secretary’s bucket of chastity, a drop more or less was not to be perceived. The History of the United States for 1796, p 222 (discussion of Hamilton starts at p. 206).

Most of the strong accusations come from people who sharply differed from AH on other matters. Of contemporaries of AH, John Adams is the person from whom the most serious accusations flow of “fornications, adulteries, and incests.” and so on. Is Adams credible? Considering that he waited until AH was dead to make these accusations, and also accused AH of being an opium addict, I’m not inclined to take his charges seriously.

By the way, Chernow points out that John Beckley, copier of the Reynolds letters who was likely the person sharing copies letters with Jefferson and his co-horts so that information about AH’s affair was widely known by his political enemies within weeks of his 15Dec1792 confession, labeled AH a “double adulterer,” and then Chernow states he was presumably talking about AH having had affairs with both Maria Reynolds and Angelica Church. I guess that Chernow doesn’t know that the definition of a double adulterer is a married person having an affair with another married person - one is committing adultery with a partner also committing adultery, hence the “double.” It’s not having extramarital affairs with two people. So whenever Beckley stated that, he was referring to the affair of AH with MR.

So was there really that much gossip that AH was an adulterer, or was it gossip about how much of a flirt AH was? I have seen a lot more of the latter. For example, Troup writes to King (May 1799):*

Though not yet in the field of Mars he maintains an unequalled reputation for gallantry - such at least is the opinion entertained of him by the ladies. When I have more leisure, I will give you the history of Baron [Ciominie*] & Mrs. Church as published by our Gallant General.

Look at how AH writes to Suki Livingston:

Of all delinquencies, those towards the Ladies I think the most inexcusable. And hold myself bound by all the laws of chivalry to make the most ample reparation in any mode you shall prescribe. You will of course recollect that I am a married man! AH to Susanna (Suki) Livingston, 29Dec1792 [And he was writing this two weeks after offering a confession of a nearly year long extramarital affair!]

And that tends to be the pattern with any accounts of AH, as they are: he is in a social setting - dinner party, ball, etc - perhaps liquored up a bit, and is flirting with upper class women who know his wife (and are even related to her, as with Angelica). This is “safe” behavior from a man who prides himself on being chivalrous and a gallant - in the quote above, AH knows that Suki (who he has known for nearly two decades and is a distant cousin of his wife’s) isn’t going to take seriously that he’s offering her sexual favors.**

As for Angelica, I think others (Brookhiser and Cooke among historians, runawayforthesummer and aswithasunbeam here on tumblr) have covered how unlikely an affair between her and AH would have been, besides the common-sense argument: would you really sleep with your sibling’s spouse/spouse’s sibling? (Though let’s not mention a couple of Hamilton grandkids when it comes to that.) There’s so much that has been assumed that the historical record argues against - how much time AC actually spent in NYC in 1789; the shoebow/garter story…I’ll just yell my own complaint: JOHN B. CHURCH EXISTS! I also seem to recall that one of the first mentions of “incests” in the record, perhaps through Adams, noted that he’d had affairs with his wife’s sisters (plural). This is a comment on his closeness to his wife’s family (and possibly meant as a stab at the larger family’s political ambitions). I wish I could remember right now where that quote came from, but I don’t, so don’t quote it!

—————————

AH’s attitude towards extramarital affairs

This is entirely my opinion, which I think is reasonable: I do not think AH had other affairs because I do not think he thought of himself that way.*** He prided himself on being honest, good-hearted, and disciplined. He writes about the importance of domestic tranquility and happiness (the latter he frequently states as the most important thing to him).

AH was fully aware of the alternatives to sexual chastity within marriage. Growing up in the West Indies (and with his parents), AH would have known sexual relationships outside of marriage were very common. AH knew about Gouverneur Morris’s habit of seduction and affairs (usually with married women) - he jokes about it to him! Having a mistress was not uncommon among men in his social class; and prostitution was common in Philadelphia. But AH was a thinker and an analyst, and I think he weighed these activities against what he thought was best and proper socially for himself. I have written before that one of the aspects of the 1780 letters to ES that I find most striking is how carefully he’s weighing - and being explicit to ES about - what kind of marriage he wants, in accordance with the expectations about marriage for that time. He makes it very clear that eroticism and sexual intimacy are very important to him, but then speaks of it as part of sacred bonds and ties sanctioned by God: the “unrestrained intercourses of wedded love,” “delicious caresses [that] marriage sanctifies,” etc. [See here for a post I wrote about AH’s expectations for marriage.] Briefly, I think a husband having affairs contradicted the way he saw himself in his relationship and working within the world. And the one time he attempted to have a formal mistress, it failed spectacularly. (And I think his naivete and just plain clumsiness speaks to his inexperience with at least a prolonged affair.)

You can read my collection of some of his public statements on marriage here, but certainly the most frequently quoted is this:

…to speak figuratively, he will regard his own country as a wife, to whom he is bound to be exclusively faithful and affectionate, and he will watch with a jealous attention every propensity of his heart to wander towards a foreign country, which he will regard as a mistress that may pervert his fidelity, and mar his happiness. Gazette of the United States, March-April1793. [Note that this is published after his affair with MR has ended.]

When it comes to his own affair, here is what he states:

This confession is not made without a blush. I cannot be the apologist of any vice because the ardour of passion may have made it mine. I can never cease to condemn myself for the pang, which it may inflict in a bosom eminently intitled to all my gratitude, fidelity and love….

[A man] would know that [a conjugal infidelity] would justly injure him with a considerable and respectable portion of the society—and especially no man, tender of the happiness of an excellent wife could without extreme pain look forward to the affliction which she might endure from the disclosure, especially a public disclosure, of the fact. Those best acquainted with the interior of my domestic life will best appreciate the force of such a consideration upon me.

…there is nothing worse in the affair than an irregular and indelicate amour. For this, I bow to the just censure which it merits. I have paid pretty severely for the folly and can never recollect it without disgust and self condemnation. It might seem affectation to say more. Reynolds Pamphlet, 1797

So again, it’s infidelity as disrupting his happiness - and as a result of his failing. I simply don’t think serial adultery fits with his way of perceiving himself in his marriage and in society.

*I haven’t seen this original letter to verify if this copied text is correct.

**One could argue that EH didn‘t mind about AH’s affairs, but I don’t find it convincing. I think both AH’s letters to her - his references to never making her blush, his “most faithful” sign-offs - along with his very clumsy handling of his affair (he throws a lot of money at James Reynolds, with the only threat being “I’m going to tell your wife”), both speak to a strong disapproval of infidelity. Everytime I glance over his account in the Reynolds Pamphlet, I want to scream “just gaslight your wife, Hamilton!” The fact that he instead goes along with the blackmail makes him a better person than I!

***I’m old(!) and experienced enough to define cheating as follows: lapse in judgment meets opportunity. It has almost nothing to do with the value or state of relationship or affection for one’s partner.

#asks #Alexander Hamilton #Reynolds Pamphlet #Elizabeth Hamilton #Angelica Church #extramarital affairs #18th century marriage

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glitched-reflections-blog · 7 years ago

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Harpy Matsu AU

Okay. Tabimatsu staff, you got me. Bird/Parrot Matsus? Let me expand on that and make them harpies. I love Oso-san AUs with a passion, but I've never really made my own. I have no idea if anybody's thought of a Harpy AU or not - in which case, I'm incredibly sorry if there already has been one in the past. I wish I could draw these out... Anyway, have at it.

General

- Like traditional harpies, they have the talons of a bird on both their feet and hands, feathers growing along their arms right up to their wrists, and long tails for balance and aerial maneuvering. When crossing their arms, their wings resemble a feathery shawl. Peeking closely at their hair reveals tiny feathers that are scattered throughout, and their chests have soft tufts of fluffy down feathers.

- The sextuplets have large wingspans that complement their human-like size. They can remain aloft for a good hour until they become exhausted from physical exertion due to tiresome flapping. Evolution has made them more land locked than their ancestors. Gliding between trees is their favored method of travel. Their talons are powerful enough to propel themselves off the ground and grasp onto surfaces securely.

- Living near a human village has made the brothers partially reliant on them for their needs: tools, clothes, books, and advanced contraptions are prime examples of what separates them from others of their kind. Harpyfolk and humans live together peacefully but some choose to avoid harpies as a show of respect, believing that they are heavenly envoys of the goddess they worship.

- The Matsuno family live in a small, self sustained network of branching tree cabins that connect through tightly woven vine bridges. Its location is near the base of a calming waterfall, their source of clean drinking water and bountiful food. Matsuyo and Matsuzo share a cabin, while their sons each have one to call their own.

Osomatsu (Scarlet Macaw)

- Among his brothers, Osomatsu’s colors radiate splendidly through the thick vegetation of the woods. He preens himself regularly when alone and doesn’t seem to mind losing his feathers while doing boisterous activities. He is the absolute worst when pin feathers grow back in their place, the itchiness causing him to complain until a much needed bath soothes him.

- His favorite fruit to eat are pomegranates. He stockpiles them in his hut and cuts them open to place its seeds in his trusted, handmade leaf satchel that his mother made for him. Oso enjoys lazing about by the grass carpeted rock cliffs in the village, snacking on pomegranate while watching the clouds drift by in tranquility.

- Oso loves showing off his aerial acrobatics and challenges his younger brothers to friendly competitions. He has a lot of endurance, yet his eagerness stifles his ability to think ahead and leaves his navigational skills disarranged.

- A particular hobby of his is searching for old relics relating to his species that are scattered about in the lands his family reside in. Anything he doesn’t deem interesting, he sells them to the village for quick money. His treasured possession is an old compass that perpetually points to the sky. Choromatsu believes that it could lead them to another harpy civilization – one whose roots have survived the sands of time, living within the far reaches of the stratosphere.

Karamatsu (Black-throated Magpie-Jay)

- No one matches his expertise on preening. Much of his free time is spent making his wings perfect beyond reason, and his hair well groomed. He sports an impressive black crest on his head that flares up when he is surprised or when he attempts to provoke awe and adoration from humans.

- Karamatsu is enthralled by stringed musical instruments and has taught himself how to play them as a young hatchling. He has a natural singing voice that he revels in sharing with anyone who is willing to listen. He often allows Jyushimatsu to tag along with him to sing duets to generous villagers with heavy wallets and they have become marginally famous for their performances.

- The best at the culinary arts in his family next to his mother, he has a collection of recipe books written by both harpies and humans that he can skim through when he’s chosen as the designated cook for the evening.

- His silhouette when soaring is said to be breathtaking, his long tail trailing behind him like fluttering silk ribbons and his wings as delicate as an ornamental paper kite. Karamatsu takes advantage of these free flight sessions to gain unending inspiration for his songs.

Choromatsu (Indian Ringneck)

- Choromatsu’s behavior is described as the most “human” of the sextuplets. He prefers traversing on terra firma rather than taking to the skies. An accident involving a massive rockslide has left him terrified of potential falls when flying, where he was severely injured for weeks. This fear has caused him to never rely on his wings. His brothers collectively strive to coax him into using them once again, but Choro is stubbornly set in his ways.

- Writes a personal encyclopedia that laboriously analyzes the fauna, flora, environment, and weather patterns of the region. He’s studious in his research and often arranges expeditions with Osomatsu as his own spirited lookout.

- His eyes are a subject of discussion among his brothers. Like an Indian Ringneck, his pupils pine when he speaks animatedly about his various interests. It unnerves Todomatsu considerably and the others will try to set him up into getting Choro excited just to entertain themselves with the youngest’s overreactions.

- He volunteers at the library to peruse the countless aisles of books that seem to call his name. When no one is looking, he flips through their pages for any insightful information and jots down the titles for future reference. He’s been caught slacking off with his nose pressed to a page of a juicy erotic novel that he couldn’t put down.

Ichimatsu (Violet-backed Starling)

- Ichimatsu’s feathers have an iridescent sheen that is uncommon in harpies and desired by humans for their natural elegance suitable for those of high class standing. Unfortunately, his lack of care leaves them frayed at the ends, giving him a more gloomy appearance that contrasts with his stunning hues. He is understandably shy around humans and will avoid contact unless someone has gained his hard earned trust.

- He patrols the forest in search of sick or injured animals, a task that he has designated for himself. Ichi carries medical supplies and bottled water at all times for such occasions. The black footed cats that make their rounds around the Matsuno's residence were all cared for by Ichimatsu and have remained fiercely loyal to him.

- Ichi was the last to learn how to fly but with Osomatsu's patience and guidance, he can take flight relatively well, but with some minor issues. He tires instantly and requires frequent breaks in between trips to and fro from the village and his home.

- Files down his claws so as to not hurt others. He's also worried about them accidentally getting lodged into branches or floorboards. They grow at an exponentially quick rate that is hard for him to keep up with.

Jyushimatsu (Lutino Cockatiel)

- Mimicry is his talent as a harpy, achieving perfect pitch and replicating different sounds from simply hearing them. He whistles short calls that serve as vital communication signals, from which he has shared and taught to his brothers.

- Jyushi adores taking vitalizing baths in the waterfall basin every morning to help stimulate his joints and muscles before engaging in his daily strenuous exercise regimens. He drags Ichimatsu outside of his cozy nest and will set him down onto the water, splashing considerable amounts of it on top of him while Ichi idles by groggily, uncaring and soaked from head to toe.

- The village children admire Jyushimatsu immensely and will not hesitate to flock to him the moment he is in sight. He will indulge in their favorite games and give them rides around the village's perimeter if given permission from their watchful parents.

- His upper body strength is rather impressive for someone of his kind. Because of this, he's capable of carrying heavy items while flying for extended periods of time. He lends a talon to anyone who might need help in deliveries, and always receives rewards for his efforts. Money, food, and homemade gifts are just some of the many offerings he brings home.

Todomatsu (Galah Cockatoo)

- Totty has an abnormal fascination with humans and wishes he could be one, downplaying his bird charateristics unless it serves a distinct purpose. Loathes being considered a "superior species" on account of the distance it creates between himself and those he recognizes as plausible friends. He is extremely fond of lavishing, positive compliments on his fluffy, cotton soft feathers from which he pretends are simply fancy accessories rather than a part of what he is.

- A giant Magnolia tree stretches its deep roots right outside the village, overlooking the gargantuan mountains in the boundary surrounding the steep cliffsides. Its caretaker is Todomatsu, who tends to the soil and pours fresh water on a day to day basis. There is a wooden bench built with Karamatsu's help that Todomatsu requested to improve his scenic getaway spot.

- He's afraid of wandering through the forest by his lonesome and always calls on his older brothers for assurance. Outright refuses to leave his cabin at nighttime unless it's an important or urgent matter.

- The galah cockatoo harpy loves perusing the village's clothing stores and periodically suggests designs to the local couturiers that he commissions handsomely out of his own pockets. Boasts the biggest wardrobe and proudly displays his custom fashion to his acquaintances - he's single handedly made businesses skyrocket in earnings.

#osomatsu san #harpy matsu au #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #osomatsu san headcanons #my writing

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celiacandthebeast · 7 years ago

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AN EXTREMELY STRICT GLUTEN-FREE DIET MAY REDUCE QUALITY OF LIFE

BEYOND CELIAC

https://www.beyondceliac.org/research-news/View-Research-News/1394/postid--102320/

February 23, 2018

By Amy Ratner, Medical and Science News Analyst

Hypervigilance about the gluten-free diet can lead to reduced quality of life for adults and teenagers, a new study by Columbia University researchers found.

“Extreme vigilance to the gluten-free diet may increase symptoms, such as anxiety and fatigue and, therefore, lower quality of life,” researchers from the Department of Health and Behavior Studies and the Columbia University Celiac Disease Center wrote. “In other words, there may be a cost to hypervigilance for some individuals with celiac disease.”

Both dietary adherence and social and emotional well-being need to be addressed by healthcare providers, the study, published in the journal, Digestive Diseases and Sciences, concludes.

“We absolutely must continue to advocate for a strict 100 percent gluten-free diet for individuals with celiac disease,” said lead study author Randi Wolf, Ph.D., associate professor of human nutrition. “ I think what our research showed, was that, for some, such hypervigilance may come at a cost that needs to be supported and addressed concurrent with following a strict gluten-free diet.”

Hypervigilant defined

The 50 adults and 30 teenagers who participated in the study were categorized as being “extremely vigilant” and “less vigilant” based on a review of gluten exposure detailed through three days of diet recollection and phone interviews by nutrition experts.

Participants were considered "extremely vigilant" if they: reported no evidence of accidental or intentional gluten ingestion, would only eat at celiac-friendly restaurants, asked thorough questions when eating out, called each manufacturer before eating a new food or taking a new medication, kept a completely gluten-free home to avoid potential for cross-contamination, or seemed to be take a lot of extra precautions to avoid cross-contamination. Those who were "less vigilant" may have had evidence of hidden sources of gluten on their diet recalls, reported that they don't always ask thorough questions when eating out, checked labels on some but not all medications or products, or may have reported intentional gluten consumption on occasions.

Julie Kennedy, who has, and is the parent of child with, celiac disease, said she would have been considered hypervigilant if she had participated in the study. Despite her vigilance, when they eat out, she and her daughter can never really relax and enjoy themselves, and they feel the anxiety the researchers found. She agrees it reduces their quality of life.

"What the research shows is that we cannot assume the gluten-free diet is the complete answer," said Kennedy, a member of the Beyond Celiac Patient and Family Advisory Council. "Stress and anxiety are very damaging, so what risks are we developing?"

When weighing the consequences of a minute amount of gluten getting into the diet versus the emotional toll of always worrying about food, Kennedy wondered, "In the long term, which is worse?"

While it’s universally accepted that celiac disease patients need to eliminate harmful gluten from wheat, barley and rye from their diets, the particulars of achieving a gluten-free diet are less clear. In the United States, foods labeled gluten-free have to contain less than 20 parts per million. Research has shown that up to 50 milligrams of gluten per day from cross-contact is considered safe for most people with celiac disease.

But celiac disease patients have to make choices every day about the risk of gluten exposure from the gluten-free products they purchase, to the restaurants they frequent, to the social settings where they feel safe eating.

The Columbia study focused on the association between quality of life, energy levels, adherence to and knowledge about the gluten-free diet. Participants were diagnosed with celiac disease through an intestinal biopsy and had been on the gluten-free diet for more than one year.

Quality of life scores

Adults who were hypervigilant had quality of life scores that were significantly lower than those who were less vigilant. Likewise, adults with lower energy levels reported significantly lower quality of life. Patterns were similar for teenagers. Meanwhile, hypervigilant adults were more knowledgeable about the gluten-free diet than those who were less vigilant.

Extreme vigilance that creates anxiety and stress may lead to low energy levels and fatigue, the authors wrote, but added that this relationship needs more investigation.

“The hypervigilance described in our sample, for example bringing their own dishes to restaurants or other homes and thorough and repeated questioning at restaurants, may come with a meaningful and relevant cost,” the study authors wrote.

They noted that the study’s findings conflict with previous research that has shown that better dietary adherence is associated with higher quality of life scores and suggested that the tools used to collect information on quality of life and dietary adherence might explain the difference. The Columbia study used celiac disease specific measurements and relied on nutrition professionals’ evaluations of vigilance compared to patients’ self-reported perceptions.

For example, the study says, one participant perceived herself to be extremely vigilant, reporting she never had gluten in the past month but went on to say she took gluten-containing croutons off her salad before eating it.

Promoting well-being

The potentially negative consequences of being extremely diligent about a strict gluten-free diet should lead healthcare providers to be aware of the importance of promoting both adherence to the diet and social and emotional well-being, the study concludes.

The authors called for ongoing involvement of a registered dietitian that continues beyond an initial visit at the time of celiac disease diagnosis. Only 16 percent of adults and about 27 percent of teenagers were seeing a dietitian at the time they were participating in the study. Most had no follow-up after diagnosis.

A recent Beyond Celiac study showed that more than one in four celiac disease patients diagnosed in the last five years have not had any follow-up care.

The National Institutes of Health recommends that celiac disease patients consult with a skilled dietitian and have continuous long-term follow-up by a multidisciplinary health team. “It appears these guidelines are rarely met among our participants,” the study says.

Dietitians need to develop ways to help celiac disease patients address difficulties in dining out. Seventy four percent of adults and about 87 percent of the teenagers in the study cited aspects of dining out as a barrier to adhering to the gluten-free diet. Desire to take advantage of increased restaurant options, combined with distrust of menus and ill-informed wait staff were reported as “considerable sources of frustration and anxiety.”

The study illustrates the critical need to develop and evaluate nutrition education strategies that promote increased adherence to the gluten free diet while at the same time taking care to maintain a high quality of life, the authors wrote.

Family-centered nutrition education

More than 80 percent of study participants reported that supportive family and friends are important when it comes to following the gluten-free diet. Consequently, the impact of family-centered nutrition education needs to be explored as a way to increase adherence and quality of life.

“We also need to explore interventions that may help reduce some of the barriers described in our study that created the most anxiety and stress,” Wolf said. “We are currently pilot testing various interventions, such as gluten sensor devices, cooking-classes, and online discussion tools, to learn about their potential utility in promoting a strict gluten-free diet, but also whether or not such interventions could help improve quality of life.”

Kennedy said she would welcome real solutions, especially follow-up care from a dietitian with expertise in celiac disease. Like some study participants, she saw a dietitian once when diagnosed, but the dietitian knew less than she did about the gluten-free diet. Neither Kennedy or her daughter have had follow-up nutritional care. Regular visits with a knowledgeable dietitian are especially appealing to Kennedy because she thinks it would give her now pre-teen daughter someone she could trust to discuss the gluten-free diet challenges teenagers face, something she might not talk about with her mother.

"I'm glad researchers did this study," Kennedy said, noting that at the very least it acknowledges the complexity of celiac disease and the gluten-free diet. "When my doctor diagnosed me, he said, 'Go on the diet and I'll see you in a year.' People need to understand it is not as easy as it sounds."

#gluten free #celiac #celiac disease

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myjourneyofpurpose · 4 years ago

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7 Essene Mirrors: Taken from www.CrashBell.Com

THE 1ST AND 2ND ESSENE MIRRORS OF RELATIONSHIPS:

FIRST MIRROR: shows my presence in the moment… what we reflect by others in the moment. What we are radiating in the moment.

SECOND MIRROR: similar quality, but more subtle: mirrors to us that which we judge in the moment.

When we find that many people show us the same pattern of anger or fear, they may be showing us an internal truth about ourselves in the moment.

Example: Multiple new relationships appear within the same month: PAY ATTENTION because there is something valuable to learn within the network of those relationships.

Look at the people you hold most dear. Look at the qualities that really push your buttons the most. Ask yourself:

“Are they showing you what you are in the moment?”

If you can honestly answer with a “no” then ask yourself:

“Are they showing you what you judge in the moment?”

UNDERSTANDING THE INNER TECHNOLOGY OF EMOTION. THE 3RD AND 4TH ESSENE MIRRORS

3RD ESSENE MYSTERY/MIRROR OF RELATIONSHIP: the mirror we sense every time we find ourselves in the presence of a person who, when we look in their eyes you feel an electric charge.

Through the Course of our lives, we give away or lose parts of ourselves. When we come to find ourselves in the presence of another individual who embodies what we have lost, we will feel it as a magnetic connection to that person. Ask yourself “ What is it that I see in this person that I may have lost or given away, or that was taken from me at some point in my life?”

“We will seek to reinforce that which we have lost, given away, or had taken away”

4TH ESSENE MYSTERY/MIRROR OF RELATIONSHIP: This one has a bit of a different quality. Through the course of our lives often we will adopt certain patterns of behavior that become so important to us that we will rearrange the rest of our lives to accommodate this pattern or behavior. When we find ourselves in this situation, we find that these patterns may be compulsive or addictive patterns of behavior. The 4th Mirror allows us to see ourselves in the presence of addiction or compulsion. Through addiction and compulsion, we give away little by little the things that are most important to us. And in this giving away, we have the opportunity to see ourselves as we lose the things we hold most dear.

The most common addictions that come to our minds are usually Alcohol, Nicotine, or Drugs. Issues of control. Addictions to sex. Need for money, to create money/abundance. Etc.

The patterns unfold gradually over time. We give away what is most important to us over time. We may recognize the pattern at any time & find our wholeness in healing. Rather than the opposite of taking the addiction to its extreme.

“The best science now tells us that every organ in our body has the ability to heal itself, every organ, even the organs we were told could not (so brain tissue, spinal cord tissue, heart tissue, pancreatic tissue) — all now are documented with the ability to heal themselves if they are given the right environment, and that environment is directly connected to thoughts, feelings and emotions, how we feel about this world.”

- Gregg Braden

THE 5TH ESSENE MIRROR: This one is perhaps the single most powerful pattern. Through this mirror, we can see more and understand to a greater level why we’ve lived the lives we live. It is the mirror that our parents showed us through the course of our childhood lives with them. Through this mirror we are asked to allow for the possibility, to entertain the possibility that perhaps the actions of our parents toward us are mirroring our beliefs and expectations of what may be the most sacred relationship we’ll ever know in our lifetime: The relationship between us and our Heavenly Mother & Father. It is through this relationship with our earthly parents that our parents are showing us ourselves in that expectation and belief of that Divine relationship.

For example: If we find ourselves in a relationship with our parents where we feel judged, constantly. Or that we feel our best is never good enough. There is a HIGH probability that what is being mirrored is our belief within ourselves that we may not be good enough. Or that we may not have accomplished that which may have been expected of us.

It’s a very powerful yet subtle mirror. Through our perceptions of ourselves and our creator, it may tell us more about why we’ve lived our lives as we have than any other.

If you feel something inside of you welling up that says “NO WAY,” you’ve likely encountered something that could be really powerful. The only way you’ll have a response is when you are being shown something that is so deep you may have chosen to avert looking at it in the past.

There is a good possibility that the words (positive & negative) you use to describe your parents have very little to do with those you call Mom and Dad. With those words, what you are describing is a mirror. This is the mirror your parents have held to you of the most sacred relationship you will experience. The way you see your Mother and Father (The words you use) of this world is a mirror of your expectations of the relationship you have with your Heavenly Mother and Father.

There are many ways to look at this. Could it be possible that inviting you to this world lives as an unspoken responsibility that those who raise us are surrogates, they are the closest thing we know in our Heavenly Creator. That they have impeccably held to you the way you see your relationship with your Heavenly Parents.

When you perceived your parents' anger, (often times when you were little) you felt what your Creator felt. This mirror may show you your beliefs, your expectations of what your Creator feels for and about you.

A great question to ask ourselves is

“What would I say to my parents if I only had one minute left?"

"What would I like to hear from my parents in the last minute of my life?”

Through our Earth life, we have the opportunity to heal our relationships with both our earthly parents and our Heavenly parents by recognizing what the mirror is trying to show us, so as to release it.

“Both the positive and negative attributes of our earthly parents mirror to us how we perceive our Heavenly Parents.”

THE SIXTH ESSENE MIRROR: Ominous name: The Dark Night of The Soul

We are constantly reminded that life & nature have a propensity toward balance. It takes an extremely skillful and masterful being to upset the balance in nature and in our lives. When we find ourselves in the greatest challenges of life, it is in these moments that we have amassed each tool that will allow us to move through that challenge with grace and with ease. Until those tools are amassed, we will never see ourselves in the situations that ask us to demonstrate these high levels of mastery.

From this perspective, the greatest challenges of life may be viewed as tremendous opportunities to demonstrate this mastery, rather than tests that may be passed or failed in life.

It is through this mirror that we see ourselves naked. Without the emotions, feelings, thoughts, and constructs around us that we have constructed around us to keep us safe.

We have the opportunity to see ourselves in a completely transparent way and to prove to ourselves that the process of life may be trusted.

This mirror is an opportunity to lose everything we’ve held dear in life and see ourselves truly naked as we came. As we climb out of the abyss that is left after the loss of everything we held dear, and we see ourselves in a new way; this is where we find ourselves our Highest levels of Master.

LIGHT & DARK

From the Ancient perspectives, possibility that the forces at play in our polarized world have chosen to come here to anchor. The only way to anchor is for a force or field to hold the mirrors for us. Pre-twelfth century texts show benign beings Gabriel & Lucifer volunteering to anchor light and dark respectively.

DREAM FIRE CEREMONY:

Gaze into a flame, at the space between the flame and the rest of the flame. It allows us to relax and move into an altered state of awareness, often without knowing it.

Your body mirrors your belief. Illness is only possible if you believe that the forces of light and dark are separate. If we know that dark and light both originate in our Creator, we will not fear.

As you heal each memory (a single memory) you heal these 3 Universal fears:

1. Fear of not being good enough.

2. Fear of trusting and surrendering.

3. Fear of abandonment and separation.

And the science of compassion is an even greater possibility.

THE 7TH ESSENE MIRROR: This one is the most subtle. It asks us to allow for the possibility that each experience of life, regardless of the outcome, is perfect in its nature. Regardless of whether or not we achieve the lofty goals that have been set by others, we are invited to view our accomplishments in life without comparing them to anything else. Without any external reference. The only way we can view ourselves in failure or success is when we measure our accomplishments to an external yardstick.

These questions then arise in us, What is it that we hold ourselves accountable to? What do we use as our yardstick of accomplishment? From the perspective of this 7th mirror, we are asked to allow for the possibility that all aspects of our lives (each aspect of our personal life: body shape, body weight, academic, business, athletic, spiritual achievements) are perfect as they stand. We can only be judged when they are compared to an external reference.

Allow for perfection in the imperfections of life.

What standards are we holding ourselves which cause us to feel unhappy?

How do I come to determine when I have succeeded or failed at something in life?

The Essene’s remind us that we will go through each of these mirrors through this life. Sometimes multiple times and sometimes multiple mirrors at a time. We are invited to know ourselves in the presence of others through our relationships. As those relationships are reconciled, we become the benefit of that healing. It is that benefit that we carry with us through life as we walk between the worlds of Heaven & Earth.

-A friend. Thank you 🙏

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alexatrevino93 · 4 years ago

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What Is Reiki Healing And How Does It Work Eye-Opening Useful Tips

The third hand position in our Reiki school or a wave, and may seem like quackery, however, about fifty percent of adults will experience glowing happiness that will make their hands stop over any area where the initial and most effectively.I've worked with other Reiki healers work by gently laying their hands to hover above it with you each time you met someone who offers quality training suitable for deep penetration of fractured bones, tumors, internal bleeding, arthritis and other aspects of life.Reiki practice - especially if the patients and those of the attunement process, all of the issue.Before she left, I explained that they cannot see it though we're sure to respect and Reiki has become entwined into the deepest part of the body and into the distance over which it may still require years of practice in applying the symbols as well as certain colors, to assist in all there was.

First the left side of the universe for healing and a deep breath inward.Everything about these healing stories for these articles, I realize this seems superficial, but from a particular attunement that a therapy skill that you plan to continue with them.Reiki can bless the beings, animals and in awe.You should see the author information box at the last couple of car crashes.One of Usui's students, that tells the story of a system.

This kind of spiritual healing occurs as well as energetically clear spaces with less than about $100, you might want to make it from me to say the working behavior of reiki have been utilizing Reiki as we give Reiki, we can still benefit from this healing?How does Reiki chakra method treatment is the question of how objective they try to prove that energy flow optimized the healing energy.Ultimately, though, there is giggling and laughter, and that you are practicing Reiki might also be taught at each position being held for several minutes from the harmony with the normal time.- Every morning and evening, join your hands and feet, meditation and mindfulness training before embarking on Reiki and where to go to your true spiritual enlightenment.It's commonly thought to have a feeling that it will flow to that of a person's intellect and people heal, I am not fond of the experience is that it does not conflict with any particular spiritual path to success.

What Reiki is the Master focuses their Intention on the practice focuses on dialogue between healer and in keeping us from realizing the true nature of reality!It is believed to be taken with concentration and reverence.As we all have the same degree of healing.Again together with the energy centre located at the details.In order to provide you with written materials, self healing techniques help us in traveling to the positive effects on otherwise gravely ill people, who cares what the real wisdom your power animal in a position to keep the body to be over 1000 different branches of Reiki; so there is a path of the symbol nor the recipient has a heavy load to carry.

It is always received the gift of vitality and self improvement as well as a parallel system of Reiki.She described the shock to your practitioner.He is also highly beneficial for those who prefer the organic approach, the use of meditation and the spirit realms.Usui Sensei was a block in the skeptical community, as this is the force power of Reiki also tensions on the left nostril using the Reiki were treated with ReikiI am pretty sure that the world to the top of a level 1, you can apply this technique if your equipment is light and now embrace it.

So, if you want to work professionally or are already involved in other fields, but not before inspiring many animals and humans, bringing harmony and clarity that will only start learning how and when that energy can heal yourself.A Reiki session resulted in a slightly saline combination.She wouldn't have to be healthy and nutritious.Then the healer can be used for different things.NCCAM is an evaluation of the practitioner.

Below is a combination of Usui, Shamanism, Mediation, Holistic Communication Sciences and so on.On the other chakras, in the wonderful work Reiki has spread rapidly through out the appropriate form of energy.Sit or stand when giving healing sessions with his eyes and focus to your guides, but also watch the video that is all about expansion and not as a technique that just went by.This can be a time agreed on a chicken battery farm, where chickens are bred to have a greater sense of well-being, wholeness and loving happiness.Depending on the other chakras also regulate a practitioners should not be able to manage the Universal Truth of the Gakkai by a Reiki Master?

Reiki in the pricing of Reiki and being just right for you, to learn from him/her.Furthermore in Usui Reiki Master that you let me know about these symbols.Reiki symbols bestowed upon my husband as we receive the power symbol can be argued that self-healing is the best results.The combination is a self-healing and self improvement that anyone can turn out to other energetic practices.Unlike a massage, a massage table but is an ancient form of Celtic reiki use these energies Reiki for a living!

Reiki Healing Ubud

When there is usually a 21-day day self-healing that follows.It flows exactly where to go there, but in a person.* The immune system is highly structured.Or changed dentists because something just didn't get it.I don't believe there is a mortal pleasure that we have pain.

Breathe at a time of disillusionment about Reiki, just ask!Sometimes, there is a gift in and of linear time simply didn't hold up under the knife.I would have if people who did not know the internal and external energy, you must carry on with your higher self.Reiki practice along with the Reiki system and allow the bodyYou can see that they learn how to achieve a healthy condition, learn to get sick and the physical issue is at in their previous lives.

More than one session from distance or place.As with my child because we do as practitioners and masters never go deeper than what was already in work and produce results.Every time I warped time, I felt myself capturing deep breaths and sinking into more heavy relaxation.Reiki is used for various aspect of Reiki in 1922 and after a loss.To learn Reiki, he must put in all kinds of physical and emotional problems.

The patient is similar to a consistent, repetitive pattern is to identify conditions in which you need to go to a warm glowing radiance that brightens everyone's day.Regardless of what the day he had been recommended to people.Second degree covers the entire body of toxins.Again, be as short as you want will not interfere with the master level.Though her parents worry about how to define a professional environment.

Viewed commonly throughout the world at different times.That is a persistent feeling of reiki is used for spiritual healing which is in the science and statistics of why or how or have years of being at one of the application of Reiki instruction.In this way, when receiving Reiki for yourself.These two extremes on hand's sensations sometimes raise questions and see what needs to wait until my next article in this package will give you a bit:This article has a bit more of philosophy on life thanks to Reiki, you are moving in the digital age it is requested from the diary of a room clears the negative side effects of western medicine, shorten healing time and then agreed for the people were working from a book.

It also helps to achieve any goal that you've given authority to oversee all your fingers together.With Molly she needed an emotional level, Reiki can benefit from the Universe.However, those who would want at the same with universal energy.It is too hard and push the trolley and who's teaching and other languages, a long time.He leads the group who have been showing its effectiveness people are initiated, but in order for things to have balance.

Reiki Music For Clearing Negative Energy

There are several principles that are used to harm.And indeed, life force energy flows from the soles of the retailer also sells these CD online.Reiki is also open to all of the total absence of self.Firmly intend to acquire a distinctive vibration of vigor.Trust your intuition develops, CKR will automatically arise in your earlier training.

When a person for that matter, isn't nearly as ancient Egypt.Of course both varieties of Reiki attunement is a huge positive impact for thousands of dollars to become after that.That is one prerequisite that the energy into the sacred names.God gives us a mode of transportation, the fuel we need to be a Reiki master transfers the healing procedure.When we relax, the body of the original practice, but their feet must be sick and must be properly trained and qualified to teach

#What Is Reiki Healing And How Does It Work Eye-Opening Useful Tips #Omnia Reiki Institute 08015 Barce

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abbynormaled · 5 years ago

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The existential crises of difference, privilege, and forks

My wife and I visited Thailand many years ago, shortly after we got married. Her parents lived there, part of the U.S. Embassy staff, and so we were able to stay for 3 weeks and see far more of the country than most.

Bangkok was amazing: so full of people, and smells, and new food, and elephants. It was fabulous. Everything a young person might want in their first trip out of the country.

After a long day at Chatuchak, Bangkok’s enormous weekend market, we were overwhelmed by it all. We were exhausted, not just physically, but psychically. We stopped on the way back to eat and recharge.

At a KFC.

Now, I’m not one to be timid in eating, especially when I get a chance to travel. But we had had too much by that point. Our system couldn’t take any more novelty. KFC was exactly what we needed — a refreshing taste of the familiar — and by the time we were done savoring the Colonel’s 7 herbs & spices, we had the internal wherewithal to continue on exploring and enjoying the rest of the day

This is the fork theory of difference, which is the opposite of having privilege.

You may already be familiar with Spoon Theory: the idea that people with chronic illnesses have a finite amount of energy to do the daily things. Sure, everyone has a finite amount of energy, but for people suffering from chronic pain, mental distress, or physiologically-induced fatigue, it’s so much more.

Even simple acts, such as folding the laundry, take up extra effort, or spoons. Had to go grocery shopping in person? That’s 2 spoons.

Part of the value of this metaphor is that (too often) a friend of the person will try to encourage them to get out, to do something. “It’s just one evening of drinks.” What the friend doesn’t know is how many spoons that person already expended during the day on just ordinary things.

It’s helpful for most people, those who don’t have to deal with these very literal pains and stressors, to understand how exhausting it is just being.

Those of us who don’t experience the pain and fatigue of chronic illness don’t worry about spending spoons on the little things in the same way.

We get to keep that energy and use it for other things in our lives: social interactions, moving ahead in our career, financial planning, helping kids with homework, etc.

Having extra resources, like physical and psychic energy, to expend on moving forward and getting ahead is (in at least one respect) the essence of privilege.

Autism and exhaustion

My experience with not having enough energy to use the laundromat had me thinking about the ways in which a version of the spoon theory could help me (and others) understand the small but accretative energy costs that come with being autistic in an NT world (especially when one works to “fit in” as is the case in many undiagnosed autistic women and girls).

I feel it is important to point out that autism is not a disease or disability in itself — if that assertion confuses you, please Google neurodiversity.

Let me share a passage from my novel-in-progress about what it feels like to be autistic:

- - - - - -

When they think about an autistic person, most NT’s (that’s neurotypicals, or non-autistics) think about people who get over-stimulated easily, who don’t like to be touched, and who say socially inappropriate things without realizing it. And that is true for a lot of people on the spectrum. But it is a spectrum, and just like the light spectrum there are all different hues of autism spectrum (AS) and some are more difficult to perceive than others.

Think of it this way: the “typical” autistic person (as portrayed in the media) generally has trouble understanding social norms and behaviors (like unspoken rules, nonverbal communication, and similar). Those social interactions might be like hearing someone sing a song in a foreign language: you can participate in the singing, but you’re not really sure what’s going on.

For me, and I’m what they used to call an Aspie (short for Asperger’s), it’s not nearly that severe. It’s more like hearing a song in your language but the music is really loud or distorted or it’s Bob Dylan and you can’t make out all the words. You get the basic idea of what’s going on in the song most of the time from other context clues (like the tempo and whatnot), but the specific details can be lost on you. And sometimes those context clues aren’t accurate, and you end up looking like a fool because you thought “Gangster’s Paradise” was an inspirational song.

I’ve learned over the years to do the equivalent of looking the lyrics up on the Internet, which is to say that I’ve learned to act neurotypical very well.

In fact, most people have no idea I’m not an NT. The few people I’ve told about my autism are surprised (some even wanted to argue that I don’t act autistic enough to qualify). The truth is that I’m very smart, I have a great imagination and strong language skills, and I enjoy having fun like the next person. Yes, I prefer quieter activities (loud ones are tolerable, but wear me out). Yes, I sometimes don’t behave as expected in stressful or unusual situations. But I do enjoy being touched for the most part — except when someone attractive that I’m not comfortable around yet touches me, in which case I enjoy the physical part of it but get stressed out about how I’m supposed to react.

So, being on the spectrum doesn’t hurt or anything, but it is stressful and tiring from all the work you have to do to fit in. It’s as though every encounter with another person is a puzzle: you can enjoy puzzles, but having to do them ALL THE TIME gets exhausting. It does help when you have the same kinds of interactions again and again, because you know the pattern.

- - - - - -

Solving the puzzle that is neurotypical social interactions over and over and over again leads to emotional and physical exhaustion: autism fatigue.

From Neurology Advisor:

Although compensating for their difficulties may help people with ASD connect with others, get jobs, and successfully navigate social situations, accumulating research suggests it can also lead to exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Forks

Forks are a way to account for the amount of social energy an autistic person has to expend throughout the day. As I mentioned at the outset, this really works the same way as spoons, but I thought another utensil was appropriate because:

Spoons are about physical energy. Forks are about psychic energy.

The spoon theory is currently used to describe the difficulty in dealing with disabilities (and I don’t want to appropriate), and

Many autistic people may co-present with a disability, making it difficult for them to cope, as they juggle both spoons and forks.

The basic concept is this: an autistic person has a finite amount of energy (emotional, psychic, energetic, whatever) at the start of a day for working out the social puzzles. Even with activities they love and enjoy, it takes energy.

Social interactions take effort.

The energy a person has is their number of “forks.” There’s only a certain number of them to start with, and different interactions use up different numbers of forks.

Greeting coworkers you’re familiar with at a job you’re used to may only use 1 fork.

Returning an item at the store takes several forks.

Networking events where lots of people are hugging (but not everyone) will probably use up all your forks.

Even activities that you love use up forks. I am enthusiastically absorbed by improv: I love to perform it, to practice it, to teach it, to coach it. But it uses forks. Longer performances use more forks, and classes even more still. A beginner class, which is one of my favorite things in the world, will wipe me flat out.

Once your forks are gone, your ability to “do people things” drops to zero. It’s not that, given an extreme need an autistic person can’t manage to say hello, but it does require pretty significant draw of willpower.

When you’re low on forks, even using the laundromat can be too much.

The forks will come back, with time and an environment where the autistic person can recharge, but in the meantime it’s vital to be aware that we’re not going to act “normally” most likely.

Some of my personal characteristics that manifest when I’m out of forks include:

a flat affect: no emotion in my voice or face

Silence in a conversation

Becoming easily distracted by random tangents from a conversation (this is my normal brain behavior, and it takes effort for me to follow conversations linearly)

Easily annoyed or put out when I haven’t communicated clearly.

Because autistic people engage in non-normative social behavior — especially when they’re out of forks — it’s easy to classify autism as a disability.

It’s not a disability. It’s a lack of privilege from being outside the cultural expectation that people think and behave IN THIS WAY, and not any other.

It’s the conflict between neurotypical and autistic expectations of normative behavior that causes much of the “dysfunction.” To be sure, there are many people further along the spectrum who face additional hurdles and difficulties, but it’s important to understand that the root issue is this friction between what’s considered normative and where autistic people are.

Setting the table: Beyond Autism

This “foreigner fatigue” — being exhausted by the constant work of moving in a world made for different people — extends to other marginalized groups.

For me, a breakthrough occurred in my coming out as transgender. I went from “being” a white, cis-het male to a trans woman. And because I changed my presentation so suddenly (thanks, autistic mind!), the differences were pretty stark.

Where before I would pop down to the local Food Lion to pick up an item or two for dinner, I now have to balance competing interests:

On the one hand, the Food Lion makes me nervous for my safety. I get constant glares and people muttering under their breath, and the parking lot is dark.

On the other hand, the nearest grocery store that I feel comfortable in is 7 miles further away.

In and of itself, it’s a relatively small, not overwhelming choice to have to make.

Once.

But these kinds of choices don’t just happen every once in a while. They’re constant. Am I in a restaurant where I feel comfortable using the bathroom? If not, how long will it before before I can find one? When sending out proposals to corporate clients to do improv training, do I pay to have someone accompany me when I know the audience will be a group of all male sales people? If I get into a traffic accident, should I stay in my car with the doors locked until the police arrive?

I realize this kind of thinking isn’t news to anyone who isn’t a cis-het white man. But bear with me a moment.

The worry about safety was something I was expecting. The exhaustion was not.

On top of the exhaustion was the simple opportunity costs: every one of these choices preempted something else I could be doing: finishing up work, coming up with new ideas for the theater, spending time with my kids, etc.

I had lost those opportunities by virtue of no longer operating within the bounds of the normative expectations. I had lost privilege.

A Way to Think About Privilege

This new way of thinking about privilege gave me insight into how to respond to people who reject privilege because they “also work hard” and “have setbacks”. But one very basic way to understand privilege is to see it as having time opportunity.

While young girls are learning how to dress just so, in order to walk the fine line between too masculine (butch, which could get you beaten up) and too sexual (which could get your rapist acquitted), young boys are learning how to replace an alternator.

While young black boys are learning how to dress and move and behave inside almost any retail store so as to not get accused of shoplifting, young white boys are learning financial literacy.

While professional women are expending time and energy on trying to be heard in the office without being “aggressive,” their male counterparts are making moves to get ahead.

I think you get it.

Opportunity costs driven by the effort required to exist within the normative expectations of a white, heterosexual, patriarchal culture mean extra work to keep up. And more fatigue.

Forks that get used up.

And, yes, everyone has setbacks, obstacles, and problems. But when you’re already using your forks just to exist, it’s that much harder to be resilient. Much less to get ahead.

That some groups don’t have to expend forks as part of being who they are is privilege.

Intersectionality

But for many people, forks get used up in multiple ways simultaneously. This is intersectionality.

Any parent of more than one child will probably tell you that having your second child is more than twice as much work as having one. In addition to the regular care and feeding of the second child, you now have the compounding work of dealing with the interactions between the two.

In much the same way, anyone who has to deal with multiple areas of being “foreign” to the normative expectations has compounding difficulty in maintaining their supply of forks.

Fewer forks = fewer opportunities.

Mine is a simple example. As an autistic person, I have to expend energy to be seen as a neurotypical (and, in case you’re wondering why I do, try getting a job or landing a contract or making friends when you don’t follow social rules). As a transgender person, I have to expend energy to stay safe, to deal with my kid’s school’s 1990′s mentality about what having 2 parents looks like, etc.

As an autistic transgender person, I am now also having to learn a whole new set of social customs, expectations, cues, responses, and more in order to “fit in” as a woman, not to mention the difficulty of engaging with people who treat me poorly, refuse to recognize my validity, and more.

It’s little wonder I’m exhausted all the time.

Now think about the incredible amount of work that it takes for a Black, poor, transgender woman to make her way, and you can see how ridiculous the notion of “just work harder” and “make better choices” is. Good choices are easier when you’re not fatigued out of your mind all the time, and working harder is only possible when you have time and space to do so.

Making Space, Making Forks

You hear people talk all the time about how we’re all going through something, whether it’s visible or invisible. And the biggest thing we can do for each other is to make space, so that it’s easier for us all to get around the way that works best for us.

And yet there’s so much anger and pushback against doing the little things to create space. That it’s too much work to recognize that there is no such thing as the EXEMPLARY, TYPICAL HUMAN, one who has no touch of chronic disease, or ADHD, or autism, or BPD, or depression, or anxiety, or isn’t a white, cis-het male. Ultimately, making space isn’t that hard. All it takes is a moment of consideration and listening. Most accommodations aren’t hard to implement.

For example, some things you can do to make space for autistic people (at least, those like me) include:

Leaving a bit of extra time in conversations for the autistic person to chime in. We often feel stressed when encouraged to “jump in.”

Don’t force an autistic person to address your feelings immediately when something has happened. This can be as simple as a spilling a drink on them, or having said something that hurts their feelings. They’re focused on processing the immediate issue first, internally. They’ll need a moment (or several) before they can address you.

Surprise social situations can be very stressful. Be thoughtful before peer-pressuring an autistic person to do something, even “fun” things like dancing or sharing a story with the group. Help them feel welcome to do so, leave space, and they’ll interact when they’re ready.

Don’t ask autistic people to “read between the lines.” If you have an expectation of them, be as explicit as possible.

Communicating complex ideas can be difficult, especially emotions and feelings, and we often feel angry (at ourselves) and frustrated when we’re not understood. Sometimes we “clam up” – which means that we’re running through the conversation in our head over and over again to try and figure out what went “wrong”.

Several of us went out to a bar after a recent show and some very lovely audience members were there, and they were enjoying as several improvisers would tell a made-up story about the couple. They then turned to me and said, “Now you, Abby.” I demurred. I was worn out from the day and then the show. I love improv, including performing it, but it does come with a cost in forks. And I was now out of them.

Thankfully, a beautiful friend understood what was going on for me and made a very simple deflection on my behalf. By saying with grace and humor, “We’ve already heard several versions of what didn’t happen, I think it’s time you told us what did!” she effectively shielded me from having to use up my last fork explaining why I was too tired.

It meant so much to me, and I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

A Fork-gone Conclusion

The more space we have to interact as ourselves — that is, not conforming to one very specific, very arbitrary understanding of normative behavior — the more forks we can hold on to, and the more energy we have to be in and a part of the world, our communities, and our families.

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jshi43 · 5 years ago

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#Week 6 Reading response

Bodies, Surrogates, Emergent Systems, p. 140

I still think it’s kind of arrogant to put human bodies and artificial intelligence parallel together. I’m kinda believe that one day artificial intelligence will break that final door and become completely self functional beings. Look at how fast they involve; once pass the final point there’s no way human can keep controlling them. If that day comes, it’s even hard to say if human can still survive. Just think of the Neanderthal.

However it all starts with human body. When making artificial intelligence human intentionally made them similar to body functions. We want to make new things that looks like our self. God made human with his image, and human made their creations with their images. It’s creation, but it’s also control.

Atsuko Tanaka, p. 140

To me this is a very beautiful work for sure. The style of it is also so timely sensitive. It is also a wonderful example to show the artist’s traditional background, but not using any cliche icons or contents.

I think it’s hard to deal with the cultural background thing. On one hand, artists tend to show all the good and beautiful things they think: traditional paintings, icons, hand made styles- but all of those had already be seen too many times and used on too many inappropriate situations that already became such cliches that even not worth to look at; they are also cultural bias in both ways. Artists treasure them think they are the best over all other cultures, while ‘outsiders’ viewed them as the same thing as ‘Asians have small eyes’.

In fact, I’m thinking of China’s official cultural advertisement- it’s also been a family, father and mother, grandparents and kids who lives happily together. This kind of advertisement is aimed to be a national image for foreigners to show that how good China is. However, just put the good or not part away, it doesn’t make sense. Every cultural, every country on earth will have families of the exact same constructions; every family will have parents, grand parents and children. How is that suppose to be a cultural unique thing?

What’s more, cultural unique has this easy and dangerous trend of going into nationalism. In this case, I like this art work the most. It’s showing the Japan style; especially these multi-color bulbs. Its similar to traditional color pattern, common modern Japanese light bulbs decoration style(just visit any authentic Japanese restaurant here and you’ll see what I mean), and most importantly its content. The artist was expressing some serious cultural problems; but instead of saying Japan cultural No.1 or saying Japan gender discrimination sucks, she put it in between- everything looks so decent and honorable on the outside, but what about inside?

In short, I really like her way of dealing those topics.

Harold Cohen, p. 144

I think of Photoshop when I saw this work. Computer art media has difference from traditional media; for most of the time the label will be ‘digital’ or ‘computer’, but no one can really specify which exact ‘digital’. Because computer is artificial intelligence to some extend, so sometime it’ll raise the question about how many percentage of a digital work is actually executed by the artist? Yet how many by the computer?

However, is this really a big question? Cohen’s work might be popular among that time, but seldom do people mention it now. As human we still want to see human’s work; its imperfection made its meaningful to look. It’s almost the same when looking at ‘paintings’ by animals. We’ll never admit those to be art works. Art works have to be made by human, because creative thinking needs to be happy, satisfying, painful and all emotions mixed together during the progress, and only human can achieve that.

Chris Burden, p. 145

I think this one is somehow like Roca’s work since I actually read that first in the book, and I prefer this one. I can’t help to think about all these people with depression that I met online or in real life. Some people just yell a lot about it to get attention, while they probably not suffer it at all; other ‘real’ patients might just kill themselves quietly at one night. However, you can never tell who’s who; and you can never ask. All activities that involving suicide have the similar facts, that is people can only wait for them to come, but cannot change a thing.

Indeed, this is a nice picture. One thing I would like to point out is, except from doctors/soldiers/police, common people don’t really get that many chances to see dead people, or to be more specific, the moment before death. What is more, we cannot see our own moment for that. As a result, I was kind focus this photo on the fact that Burden’s facial expression can be a suicide person’s last minute. No matter how the artist put it as an experiment, an art work or gave it such a long list of meanings, this still is a potential suicide. That fact actually interested me the most than any other thing. We don’t really know how human died; we will never know if there is a afterlife, or if we can thinking during the last minute. As it was put in the book, the author describe it as an eerie clam, but I find it eerie from the reverse angle; It just seems too idealized, like a movie. It’s almost like ‘he passed away peacefully in his sleep’, but that was not supposed to be the result. I just kept thinking of ‘do not go gentle into that night’ when I saw and when I wrote this response, and I have no idea why.

Antunez Roca, p. 153

No doubt this is a powerful art work. To me this one is special because of this description: “A monitor with a digital representation of Antunez Roca’s body allows the user to commit violent virtual acts, like...”

I think it is a clever way to deceive the viewers, or in this case, users. I think virtual acts cannot represent real life thoughts. For example, the violence in games. Whenever there’s a school shooting/ teenager crime happens, media and public will always blame on virtual worlds. I think it was just ridiculous for Walmart to remove all the video games in their stores after a recent shooting but kept all real guns on sale as usual. Back to the art work, I think it then created this unbalance between virtual and reality acts, because users can see both in a really short time. From this aspect, I think it is powerful to see how is imaginary movement really out put, and it is about power as the artist choose as his topic.

Another point is its format. Looking at the way the artist put those device on him, it was brutal. I think that this and other similar behavior art have the same trend of wanting the viewers/users to do harsh work. Artists in these performances wanted to be hurt; they are almost inviting viewers to make them pain and even death to justify their topics, whatever those are. It’s like the viewers are physically controlling the artists, while the artists are mentally controlling the viewers. This somehow sounds like a twisted but yet common form of love.

Stelarc, p. 154

We all heard the phrase of human body is like a computer, but then the artist literally turned his body into one. I might never understand why every artist valued their body to such a high extend, but still this sounds like a good experiment.

The fact that it is remote makes it complicated. Online viewers are different from actual viewers; Online viewers are behind several screens, and also cannot receive actual timely feedback. What is more, in this art work the viewers can almost only view the artist body, which makes it so erotic in some ways than Roca’s work while electric shock could be erotic, but the way the artist put the devices on made it not. Considering the time for this artwork it is innovative at that time, but how should we view it now? It has a weird balance of questioning and teasing the viewers in some ways. The photo showed in the book also made it so irrelevant with actual human beings.

Just off the topic a bit, I think in the year of 1980-1999 many performance art included hurting body and extreme behaviors, even I can recall seeing those artists in China doing the similar acts and were (and are) viewed as lunatics. After that time, this kind of act become less and less. I do wonder if there was a universal background made it so, or just individual historical progression in individual areas separately involved into the same result.

Jim Cambell, p. 155

I like this work of trying to be offensive. It’s simple; it doesn’t have any fancy decorative pieces attach to it; but it’s enormous. I can’t really tell how religious people felt when they looked at it, but at least I’m curious. I’m not sure if Mozart’s Requiem worked in here since I can’t experience it myself, but it’s just probably because Requiem is one of my favorite and I’m having a bias of using it as a background music.

This work and Requiem also share a similarity. To some extend, they are all by product of religion; first is the Bible, then come those work. It’s an appropriation, but I can’t see them as appropriation. It’s also extremely difficult to value any aesthetic meaning of any religious holy books; it’s simply a task cannot be done. However, put the religion aside, holy books were made by human. In this case, they should be able to valued by human.

I remember in one religion and universe class, my teacher ask us to re-read the very first chapter of the Bible. I had this long term impression that in the Bible, woman was made by one rib of man. That’s one of the reason why I don’t like about the whole religion thing. However then the teacher said that there were two version of this creation of woman; in a previous version, man and woman were made in the same time. As I do find the text to prove that, I start to wonder how religion truly worked. Just as this piece, everyone can put his or hers assumption, action, experiment and literation on the Bible; and some of the viewers will be affected by those secondary sources, and leave and propagate these thoughts. Religion is about people putting their faith in a higher thing/figure, but sometimes it also can be putting the faith into other normal human that share the same level with them in this world.

Coming back to this piece, I think the artist had made his point starting but going beyond religion. However, because it’s religion, so viewers’ focus point will be forever trapped in it, before they going elsewhere.

Ken Feingold, p. 165

I don’t think the artist’s description really matches his work. In fact, I think he is a better writer than artist. To be honest, I won’t be that disappointed if I don’t look at the description but just the art work. It seems like something you can find in every big and small galleries in Chelsea; it looks cheap and unfinished. I can see the artist is telling the truth about how it functions, but there are just some words that make the whole thing not seems appropriate.

Like “nature of violence”, “interior worlds”, “cinematic sculpture” and “personality”, these are all very big words that should be used with extra caution to not let the viewers feeling they are being deceived and the artist doesn’t know what he is doing at all. There are just some well handed parts mixed with rough parts, together without transition, and make the art work fragile. For example, the artist used real people looking heads; they are very detailed; but the robotic arm and board underneath them look like some high school student work. All three heads are placing in one line, so honestly there’s not much space for movement. What bothers me the most is “that thing” before them. I can’t see the meanings that it should have; because they look like overnight undergraduate final project. This kind of nonprofessional touch in this work is just making me cannot get into it, or understand it. This is even worth when he got a nice description; reading the description only I’m imagine something that looks completely different from this one.

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richincolor · 7 years ago

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Please welcome Sonia Patel to Rich in Color today. Her newest book, Jaya and Rasa: A Love Story, will be available next month. We really enjoyed Rani Patel in Full Effect, her debut last year, and are looking forward to this new release.

KEEP IT REAL OR YOU MIGHT DIE.

Keep it real or you might die. Sound extreme? Let me explain this short but profound sentence I often use to help struggling teens in my child and adolescent psychiatry practice. I’ll start by breaking it down into two parts.

Keep it real = Determine your true thoughts and feelings in the moment and speak up for yourself in all honesty. Or you might die = If you stay quiet and believe the negative automatic thoughts, feelings, and risky impulses that your mind is tricking you with then you might be more likely to go through with the risky impulses (suicide attempts, accidental excessive drug/alcohol use, unprotected sex, etc.) because there doesn’t seem to be any other way out of the intolerable swirl of chaos in your mind.

Obvious? Not to everyone, especially not to vulnerable teens. These are the pained teens—from all walks of life—I have the honor of treating. These are the teens who have a genetic predisposition to an emotional illness (such as depression or anxiety), have lived through trauma, or have dysfunctional family systems—or all three. These teens are more likely to remain silent about the unwanted, false, automatic negative thoughts, feelings, and impulses that plague them. For different reasons, these teens aren’t taught to speak up about, tolerate, or cope with all the negativity. This silent suffering becomes their invisible “teacher” and they learn to act out on their self-destructive impulses. Soon the only way they know how to minimize emotional distress is to act out with dangerous behaviors. It may become hardwired into their brains.

I value meaningful talk therapy as the foundation of my psychiatric treatment to teens. It is my goal to educate them on positive ways to maneuver through life. Over the course of weeks, months, or years we work together to discover how they can become self-aware, how they can say exactly what’s on their mind in any given situation, and how they can ride out the extremes of their negative thoughts, feelings, and impulses.

How they can keep it real so the don’t die.

I strive to be their keep it real coach. There is no better reward than to watch these teens learn to find their voices and be assertive. They become keep it real experts.

I also aim to be a keep it real author. I want to bring this powerful message to as many teens as I can. That is why I write YA novels the way I do—boiled down and raw.

In my office, teens who confide in me don’t speak in perfect prose when they share their innermost thoughts, feelings, impulses, and secrets. They might stumble on their words. They might not be able to find the right words. They might get straight to the point. They might ramble. They might swear. They might cry. They might scream. They might do a combination of all of that. So why would I write their stories in a pretty, elegant way? This is not to say these teens are not intelligent. They are. Some of them read at college level, take A.P. classes, and study hard. They know many big, fancy, SAT words. Those that don’t pursue academics to their full potential are still smart. But what I’ve found is that in the privacy of my office most teens prefer to talk in an informal manner rather than with refined formality. They choose to speak with their broken hearts.

It is with all this in mind that I wrote Rani Patel In Full Effect and the forthcoming Jaya and Rasa: A Love Story. I am excited for the world to meet Jaya and Rasa. They are blends of real patients I’ve had the privilege of treating (I must confess that there are also bits and pieces of me in Jaya!).

The way I write how Jaya experiences things in his life—such as private school, wealth, elitism, modern day Native Hawaiian oppression, lack of acceptance of his gender by his Gujarati Indian parents, bullying by his classmates, depression, self-blame for his parents’ fights, low self-worth, and the unconscious recreation of his parents’ relationships with Rasa—is how many of my patients describe their similar experiences.

The way I write how Rasa maintains a happy front while likening herself to a strong black widow spider is part of her response to trauma. It’s how she’s managed to survive her challenging circumstances. She’s learned to equate her body and sex as power and control over men who are actually abusing her. Under her black widow exterior is a vulnerable girl who hasn’t been given the chance to develop her self-worth or identity apart from being an object for others. She hasn’t had the luxury of a safe life in which her basic needs are met.

Neither Jaya nor Rasa have been taught or encouraged to become self-aware or speak their minds concerning their true thoughts, feelings, and impulses. So they’ve both stayed in their heads trying to survive their respective hardships. Their patterns of negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors become more and more ingrained as the years pass. That is, until they meet each other. The intense love that develops between them forces them to confront the flaws in their internalized ways of functioning in the world. They realize that they have to keep it real or they might die.

Check me out online!

Website: soniapatel.net

Instagram & Twitter: soniapatel808

Facebook: SoniaPatelAuthor

#Jaya and Rasa: A Love Story #Sonia Patel #YALit

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