#both had the misfortune of meeting the wrong person at the right time

[apiratefellinlovewithastar]

Bellamy and Brownbeard are cut from the same cloth

[dinsdjrn]

gone from austin | j. miller | part three

brothers best friend!pre-outbreak!joel x f!reader

summary: Joel Miller: the one that got away; right person, wrong time. Now you’re back in Austin and it hurts just as bad, as if you’d never left five years ago

warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, no use of y/n, alcohol consumption, light angst.

a/n: well i've only tried to write this three times, not loving it but anyways posting it to get it out there.

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Part Three | June 2002

I took my love, I took it down. 

It felt weird to be in your scrubs again, weird but good. You hadn’t accepted any full time work, just a locum position at the children’s hospital in South Austin. They had brought up full time hours and you had politely declined. You wish you could have claimed leave indefinitely, but E.I. doesn’t take ‘ accidentally ruined my personal life’ as a claim sadly. 

Casual work was good though, it meant you could buy your own groceries and help Jake and Kels here and there. It also distracted you from your grief; grief of the lives you could have had that slipped away from you. It had occurred to you that you were most likely at fault for your own misfortune, it's happened twice now that your life has blown up just fantastically. You faced the music and accepted that the common denominator both times was you, and in time you would continue to do what you did best, run. 

You didn’t focus on your own personal anguish for long, there were treatments to be ordered and patients to be seen. It felt good to work your twelve and then go home, satisfied with your work. You had even begun to make friends with some of the other doctors and nurses in the emergency department. They knew you weren’t a permanent fixture, but it still felt good to meet new people and have more of a circle that exceeded your brother and his buddies in Austin.

Toward the end of your shift you were desperately looking forward to a nap. You were used to a bit more of a schedule in day surgery, consulting in emergency was pure and utter chaos. The shifts went by fast and left you feeling the good kind of tired at the end of the day. 

You were just finishing up your shift, typing out the last few notes for your patient's medical records when your cell started buzzing on the desk.

“Hello?” you answered. 

“Hey!” Kelseys voice sounded on the other end of line. 

“Hey, is everything alright? I’m just finishing up at work. I’ll be home in an hour or so, just depends on the bus.” 

“Uh, yeah! I just wanted to see if you had any plans after work.” 

“Uh-“ you thought about a small white lie. Knowing Kels was about to convince you to do something. 

“No, I was just going to go to bed.” You admitted. 

“Okay,  well I’m going to pick you up from work and we are going out tonight,” She said excitedly.

“Kels…” You warned. 

“C’mon! It will be just like old times, I promised Tommy I’d convince you to go. Sarah’s gone to her friend's house for the night and Jake and Tommy wanted to get everyone to Gus’ Pub. Just like old times,” 

You sighed, Gus’ was your favourite back in the ‘90s they always had the best atmosphere. You had made yourselves somewhat regulars in college. 

“Ugh, I was really looking forward to going to bed.” You grumbled.

“That’s not no, so I’ll pick you up in thirty!” She said excitedly, hanging up before you could protest. 

You leaned back in your chair letting your head fall backward as you sighed, groaning toward the end. You loved Jake and Kelsey, you appreciate everything they’ve done for you, but you had a sneaking suspicion Kelsey was doing everything in her power to keep you here. To remind you of the love that you once felt for the city and the people in it.

You stood from the desk in the doctors lounge and made your way to your cubby. You had come to work in jeans and a T-shirt that would be more than fine for Gus’. You changed out of the soiled scrubs throwing them in the laundry bag and tried to fix your post-dayshift hair. 

You placed your beeper in the storage bin and made your way out of the building waiting for Kels to arrive. You liked that you could finish a twelve hour shift and still have daylight pushing the horizon at nearly nine at night. 

By the time you had arrived at the bar Jake and Tommy had clearly started the party without you. Joel was laughing at their shenanigans from the bar stool you’re sure he claimed as soon as they’d arrived. 

“God damn it, Tommy. Don’t you have anything better to do than be a complete jackass,” You heard Joel scold his brother. 

Tommy and Jake laughed at the outburst, Tommy smiling and tipping his beer in Joel’s direction.

“Where’s your sense of humor, old man,” Tommy teased. 

“Well shit, look who showed up!” Tommy drawled as you and Kels approached them. 

“Alright, soldier boy, I told you not to start without us,” Kelsey rolled her eyes at the younger Miller brother. 

You smiled at the four of them, they fell so easily into a dynamic. As much as you tried not to feel like an outsider, you were, you chose to make yourself one. So you would watch Jake hug Kels from behind as he, Joel and Tommy shot the shit. You nursed a beer in the stool next to Joel, keeping to yourself. It stung to feel like an outsider where you were once welcome, but you smiled politely and tried to look engaged. 

As the night continued you watched Kelsey pull Jake to the dance floor and Tommy flirt with a bachelorette party that had waltzed in shortly after eleven. You and Joel sat in a bit of an awkward silence unsure what to say to one another. 

Your last conversation had left a sour taste in your mouth, but it wasn’t cause to be blatantly rude to him. 

“So,” he stared awkwardly. 

“So,” you responded without much more enthusiasm. 

“Jake said you were back workin’ again.” 

“Uh, yeah, just casually while I get my shit together.” 

“Saint David’s?” He asked.

“No, No. I’m at the Dell Children’s now,” You smiled. 

He looked at you confused. You had once gone on a rant wishing Dell had a surgical ward that expanded beyond emergency medicine so you could work at your alma mater. You’re surprised he remembered such a small detail, at least you think that was the source of his confusion. 

“I’m in the emergency department, surgical consulting,” you clarified. 

“Ah,” he said, clearly nodding along without fully understanding.

“How’s the contracting business going?” You asked. 

“Other than Tommy being a pain in my ass, it’s been a’right. Work puts food on the table, can’t complain.” 

Another awkward silence fell between you. 

“So, when are you heading back to Toronto? Once you get your shit together?” 

“Never, if I get it together correctly.” 

“Oh damn, sorry, Jake told me some shit happened. I was jus-” he said looking at you apologetically. 

“It’s okay, Joel. You can always buy me another drink as an apology,” you teased. 

Joel waved the bartender over and out two more beers on his tab. 

You laughed telling him he didn’t actually have to do it, but he insisted. 

You began to fall into a comfortable conversation, talking about surface level topics, but it wasn’t awkward by any means. One of you just had to bring something up by accident to break the tension. The drinks helped lighten the mood as well. 

You weren’t sure how long you and Joel were in your own little world for before Kelsey came and pulled you onto the dance floor. 

It was so nice though to have a normal conversation with Joel, to feel less like you were at odds and more just trying to figure each other out again. So much has changed in five years and neither of you were sure where to start. Now that you started again, maybe you could relearn what it meant to be friends. 

It was nearing midnight and you were tired from dancing with Kelsey and Tommy. Joel and Jake had been hanging out at the bar when the new Dixie Chicks cover of Landslide came over the speakers. You can see Joel’s eye roll from where you’re standing, you walked toward the two men. Kelsey pulled Jake onto the floor for a dance. 

You didn’t want to make things awkward for Joel so you started singing along poorly, you grabbed his hand and spun yourself around. He chuckled at the gesture. You both looked down the bar to see Tommy sweet talking to one of the bridesmaids from earlier. 

“It is just us Miller, may as well enjoy the song!” You laughed. He shook his head at you.  

“ Time makes you bolder, even children get older, ” You continued to sing along poorly, Joel took another swig of beer and crossed his arms laughing at you. 

“C’mon old man, it’s a classic!” You laughed, grabbing his hand trying to pull him off the bar stool. 

“No, the classic involves Fleetwood Mac, this is a rip off, darlin’,” You rolled your eyes at him. 

“Ever the critic, Joel Miller.”

It was nice to be able to dance and laugh like this again. It had been months since you felt any semblance of normalcy. Yet here you were shooting the shit with Joel, enjoying yourself, and for once it felt like everything was going to turn out alright.

Joel did stand and smile at you for the last course as he swayed along with you. As the song came to an end Jake and Kelsey made their way back to you. 

“Alright, I’ll be back in a sec,” Joel said, placing his empty on the counter and making his way to the bathroom. 

“I’m going to go find Tommy,” Kelsey said, letting you and Jake have a moment together. 

He put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into a brief hug kissing your head.

“I’m glad you came out tonight,” Jake smiled at you, taking a seat on Joel’s stool. 

“Me too, but I won’t lie I’m pretty tired,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“So,” Jake's tone shifted more seriously, “You and Joel were getting cozy tonight.” 

“Well yeah, everyone else was a little busy. No sense denying there’s a history there, Jake, it doesn’t mean I can’t be friendly.” 

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt again,” He sighed. 

“We have boundaries, Jake. He’s a good man.” You grew frustrated. 

“He is a good man,” He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“He’s just not good for you,” he placed his hand on your shoulder in reassurance. 

You went to protest against your brother's statement but were cut off. 

“It’s hard to watch you hurting. Austin causes you to hurt, Joel causes you to hurt. If I could convince you to stay I would, but I know you, and I know your heart isn’t here.” 

You sighed in defeat, he was right. Jake usually was, and his own wish for you to stay was proof of that. He knew you weren’t capable of being just friends with Joel, and he knew that if you stayed you would just get hurt over and over. If you stayed here tonight, if you stayed here in Austin, if you stayed in Joel’s life. For now, the only resolution you were capable of was turning in for the night with Kelsey. 

“I want to go home now,” You said to him, waving Kelsey down. 

“Want me to come with you?” Jake asked in earnest. 

“No, you have fun with the boys! I know Kelsey, she's probably pretty close to done anyway.” 

You told Kelsey you were ready to go just as both Miller brothers had made their way back to you. She nodded in understanding, flashing a look at Jake and Joel. The taxi ride home was quiet and spent it with your head resting against the window. 

The day finally catching up to you and fuelling your exhaustion you couldn’t wait to curl up in your bed and sleep this feeling of uncertainty off. 

It didn’t take you long to get comfortable and fall asleep once you were home. You placed your cell on the nightstand next to you just in case Jake called needing you or Kelsey. The boys were notorious for getting themselves into trouble and you had made a habit of having a phone nearby. 

You had fallen asleep easily, but it didn’t last long as the cellphone rang next to you, pulling you from your sleep. 

“Hello?” You answered your phone through a sleep ridden fog. 

“Uh, hey darlin’, I didn’t mean t’ wake you,” a familiar voice came through the receiver of your cell. 

“Joel?” 

“Yeah,” he confirmed. 

“How’d you get my number?” You questioned, still confused, your voice laced with sleep. 

You looked over at your alarm clock, 1:54am. 

“And why are you calling me at two in the morning?” You continued. 

“I, uh, I asked Sarah for it after your gals night. Y’know? Just in case she uh- wanted to chat with you.” He only answered the first part. 

“Figures.” You laughed. 

“Is she there waiting to talk to me now? At two in the morning?” You questioned, still foggy from your early awakening. 

“No, no, uh shit.” He whispered, “This was all me.”

You hummed lightly. 

“You ran outta there tonight without even sayin’ goodbye. I was worried something happened to you,” He admitted. 

“Oh,” You said. Your heart rate grew quicker, not wanting to tell him the real reason you had left so abruptly. 

“Uh- no. It just wasn’t really my scene. Kelsey asked if I wanted to go home and I agreed.” 

“Well, I was sad to see you leave so soon. I definitely thought I would be getting another dance outta you, you know to real music,” 

You faked a gasp. 

“I’ll have you know, Mr. Miller, The Dixie Chicks are very much real music and you didn’t seem to mind it,” you laughed. 

“I was just putting on a show for you darlin’,” He mused. 

“Well Joel, if it means I can get going back to bed, I’ll own you a dance to real music next time,” you mocked.

You heard a soft sharp inhale through the phone. 

“I’ll hold you to it,” He said softly, the tone of the conversation felt like it had vastly changed. 

You couldn’t see Joel but you knew when intensity laced his tone, making the tension palpable in the air, this was one of those times. 

“Well, I ain’t gonna keep you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” 

“Thank you. I’m good, Joel. I, uh-“ you paused, “I had a lot of fun tonight. It was really nice to hang out.” You admitted. 

“Yeah uh- yeah. It was just like ol’ times,” There was a pause between you both for a moment. 

“Goodnight, old man,” 

“Alright, that wasn’t very nice of you darlin’,” Joel said, chuckling.

You laughed quietly along with him. 

“Night , Joel,” you said, yawning through the phone. 

“G’night beautiful. Don’t be a stranger, okay?” 

You hummed in response, ending the call and placing your cell phone back on the nightstand. 

It was nice to connect with Joel, but your brother's voice echoed in your head. 

I know your heart isn’t here. 

You tossed and turned, the moral dilemma causing your stomach to turn. You wanted to let Joel in, it felt so good to dance with him, watch him laugh. It was your own personal drug, you were addicted to the feeling of being close to him. Yet you knew you couldn’t betray him again. Jake was right, you were only capable of hurting one another. 

The part of you that wished Austin could be home forever was the part that pushed you away the first time. You were determined to leave in one piece this time. 

Can I handle the seasons of my life? Cause I’ve been afraid of changing.

tags: @thetriumphantpanda @fruit-frogs @harriedandharassed @skysmiller @beskarandblasters @wand-erer5 @missgurrl @casa-boiardi @undrthelights @wishyoudaskme @reader-without-a-story @morning-star-joy @cupofjoel @sinsofsummers @cavillscurls @tightjeansjavi @whichwitchwanda @dugiioh @readingfan @patti7dc @spidermanfrog

[vintagesuga]

Are you serious! - Y.Jeongin

Genre: Fluff, semi sick fic. Like I mentioned, he is sick but don't go into detail

Pairing: Yang Jeongin x gn!reader

Warning: mentions of food

a/n: I missed his bday live :( Any who happy birthday to Man bread. He hasn't been a baby for quite some time, lol. Just a cute little thing. Not proofread.

You sighed as you hung up the phone. Of course, this would happen because when have you ever planned something and it didn't end up in flames? All you wanted was to throw a nice little party for Jeongin, but the universe took that personally. You had just gotten off the phone with the bakery. Apparently, their entire batch of frosting was made wrong, so they would have to make a whole new batch. This would mean that you had to push back the dinner you planned so you could have the cake on time.

Then, when you had picked up the balloons earlier, they all had been the wrong ones. Instead of the cute fox themed balloons you wanted, they had made you cat themed ones instead. It wasn't that big of a deal (it was), so you didn't make a huge fuss, but still.

Now you couldn't find his present either. It was a custom-made bracelet with both Jeongin and your birthday plus your anniversary date. A little cringe, but he loved wearing bracelets, and you wanted to give him a special one. You knew you had put the box in your closet. Made sure that it was there all the time. But now, nothing. It was as if it had vanished into thin air.

So here you stood at the jewelers, looking for a sufficient stand-in. Assessing your options and making sure it was perfect. Once you were done looking, you paid and made your way to your car. All that was left was to pick up the cake and meet Jeongin at your place for a nice quiet dinner. No more fuss, no more running around.

“Hey Angel. I think I caught a stomach bug. Can we reschedule that dinner you had planned?” Jeongin’s hoarse voice never sounded more upsetting than it did right now. Of course, you weren't upset with him. You could never be upset with him.

It was just the circumstances you found yourself in. Every single thing you planned today just ended up being a nuisance.

“But, I. Today is the worst!” You exclaimed angrily at the sky. You huffed as you opened your car door and climbed inside.

“Oh? What happened today?” Jeongin asked, curious as to what made you so upset.

“Where do I even start? I had this cute dinner planned for us tonight. I had balloons and a cake planned, but the balloons ended up being the wrong ones. Then the bakery called and said that they had to push my pick up back cause their frosting was botched.” Once you started, you couldn't stop.

“When I went to look for your present, I couldn't find it, which really sucks cause I thought it was so cute and now I can't give it to you. So I went looking for another present. Like, I know you don't care about materialistic stuff like that, but I do. And now, you're sick.” You took a breather.

“I'm not upset at you cause that's something you can't help. But I just wanted to have a nice surprise for dinner tonight.”

Jeongin was silent on his end for a moment. He thought it was cute. Your plans for tonight sounded so sweet, but you went through so much trouble.

“Why don't you come over still. You can bring some balloons and my cake, give me my present and we can watch a movie. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I can't see you. I need my daily dose of (name).” You could practically hear the smile in Jeongin's voice.

“I was already planning on coming over regardless. I need to baby you when you're sick. It's the only time you let me dote on you.” Your tone was a mix between teasing and pouty. Still a little spur about all the misfortune you had gone through. “Let me go and pick up your cake, grab like 2 or 3 balloons, and I'll be over there, ok?”

When the door opened, you were met with Jeongin's bright smile. He was wrapped head to toe with his biggest blanket. You could still see the hoodie he was wearing poking out, his feet covered by the fluffier socks he could find. His nose and cheeks were pink, and he was sniffling here and there. His hair was all over the place. Despite his suffering, he was just so cute.

“Do I get to peek at the cake now, or do I have to wait?” He laughed as he took the box from you. He placed it on the kitchen counter as you found some bowls for the soup you brought. You ended up tying the balloons down in the living room.

“No. You have to wait.” You shuffled around him, shooing him out of the kitchen. “But you can open your present.”

You handed Jeongin the small bag. Watching carefully as he opened the jewelry box inside. The bracelet wasn't too grand, just a simple little thing with a small charm; your initial.

“It's nothing too special, and I still plan on giving you your other present. I'm going to tear apart my room if I have to.”

“No. I think this is perfect.” Jeongin’s smile was blinding. He wasn't going to deny your other gift, but he wanted you to know that he still loved this one. You walked over to him, bowls of soup in hand. Jeongin placed a sweet kiss to your cheek, taking a bowl from you and following behind.

“The only present I care about is seeing your face at the end of the day.” Jeongin watched in delight as your cheeks flushed. You were so easy to fluster, and he found great joy in showering you in compliments.

“Gross.” You fein disgust as you wipe your cheek. “I don't ever want to hear you being so sappy again.”

“But you love it!”

“Shut up and eat your soup.”

©️vintagesuga Do not repost.

[charlastorfrenchlove]

Extrait chapitre 1 M'as-tu piégés Princesse? " Badum"

“BADUUUM BADUUUUUUUM “ It has been some time since Alastor noticed the abnormal movements occurring in his chest and this phenomenon only occurs when he is in the presence of a certain princess of Hell. Without him being able to understand how the young blonde went about provoking such a physical reaction. He would have noticed if Lucifer's daughter had used any spell on him, after all he knew enough about magic and demonic power to see if anyone was trying to harm him. But he never detected anything in the blonde and he didn't want to go see a doctor because the supreme lord knew very well that he was not suffering so what was the point. The strange symptoms have finally stopped to the happiness of the latter, he will be able to concentrate on something else. So he walks with both hands behind his back while humming a little tune, very happy that his strange symptoms have calmed down in the corridor, he meets the princess's companion walking with an angry step. The red demon wonders what could have provoked the anger of the former exorcist. -So dear, I was able to hear you from the other end of the hotel, what is putting you in such a state? *he asks in a mocking tone*

The person concerned gives a look full of disdain for the red, wondering what is wrong with her for it to come to meddle in her life. Then the last news he didn't really care about her well-being so why would he do it suddenly, Vaggie clicks her tongue against her roof of the mouth and throws her long hair back. -Anything that concerns you, shouldn't you do your job as a manager instead of hanging around like an acorn? *she asks aggressively* -What I was about to do but your aggressive steps distracted me from my main objective *replies the demon just as dryly* A slight growl escaped Vaggie's lips, greatly annoyed that this demon of misfortune had the answer to everything and with ease too. Although he was right, that doesn't mean she was going to confide in him, that's all that was missing. Therefore, it was better for her to put an end to this discussion which will lead to nothing anyway. She walks in front of him to make it clear to him that she didn't want to continue cutting the piece of fat with him. For her, this man, finally this demon, was like a threat to the well-being of her princess's hotel and to the princess herself. -Maybe but it's not my problem if you let yourself be distracted so easily, it's not my problem * declares the former exorcist *

Then she continues on her way as if nothing had happened, Alastor does not try to keep her any longer because he knew perfectly well that it would be useless. He just sighs while thinking that the princess's companion later could prove to be a real problem for his plans. Quite simply because she is far too suspicious and refuses to open up to him as her charming companion did so well. His shadow therefore materializes on the wall with a mocking smile, for the moment Alastor seems willing to ignore it. Until the latter spoke, because the latter does not seem to appreciate being ignored like this by her master. Yes, these things have a certain ego “-I could make it disappear quickly and without any problem, all I need is a word from you” *Throws the infernal creature* -And thus place suspicion on my person? Great god no thank you, everything in its time my friend you may have been able to read my mind but you should have understood that it was still too early to try anything on this poor, highly unpleasant creature * replies the big deer * The shadow seems a little skeptical but decides not to contradict its master too much and then disappears. Alastor seems relieved that the creature is quite docile. He didn't want the conversation to be heard by a few clumsy ears. It would still be unfortunate to silence these sources of distraction

because he lacked vigilance it would be a real shame. And yet he didn't even take into account the presence of the king of hell in the hotel, even if he doesn't scare him he knows very well that he will never be a match for him. He arrives at the door of his radio tower, however he discovers the princess standing with her back to him in front of the door. Charlie made funny gestures with his arms at his face, he said nothing then the last one turned around to face him, her eyes bathed in tears. At this vision the big deer suddenly stops  “BADUUUM BADUUUUUUUM “

[lacinkaju]

Janka Skryhan. Blindness

Translator: R. Lipataŭ

At the seaside sanatorium in the Caucasus, I took my meals at the same table with a fair-haired young woman. Her name was Viera. I knew that she, a talented pianist, was here on a holiday after a long concert-tour, and my attitude towards her was that of eager deference.

Usually she came to the dining-room a little later than the others did and, having greeted us with a shy nod, sat down at the end of the table. She behaved with reserve and modesty and talked very little, but what she said always had a ring of sincerity and intelligence about it, and when she got up and went away, you would always be left with a longing to see her again. She had a kind of special feminine charm about her, and a sort of beauty that did not catch your eye at once, but would grow on you as you came to know the person better. Well, there are such people, after all, who, once you come across them, even by chance, remain in your heart for long days to come.

Sometimes Viera and I went on short trips through the surrounding countryside. Every morning we used to meet on the beach: I would come to the beach at sunrise and find her already there. She was alone by the sea and, leaving her thick, fluffy bathrobe on the sand, which still preserved the chill of the night, she set about her morning exercises. We would wave to each other and she would shout to me: "You shouldn't be so fond of sleeping, dear friend! It's a waste of time! You ought to be sorry at missing so much beauty!"

And really everything around seemed quite beautiful, probably because she was there.

We would take a dip in the sea, which was still cool in the early morning, and I felt particularly happy that the same waves rocked both Viera and me. Then we dried ourselves on the towels, which also smelt of the sea and, while doing so, we would step closer to each other and say "good morning" once again. Then we would make our way back to the sanatorium, reaching it at just about the time when our colleagues were only getting up.

At breakfast I met Viera again: she seemed to hurry towards my welcoming gaze.

Sometimes, however, when her chair remained unoccupied for longer than usual, I felt uneasy, fidgeted, and eagerly waited for her to come. Eventually she would arrive and say, "I'm sorry - I am a little late. I was busy with my exercises." And she would say it to me in such a voice, as if she really had something to apologize for.

One day I was lying on the hot sand of the beach with a colleague of mine. We screwed up our eyes against the sun, peering at the transparent cloud of smoke rising over a steamer visible on the horizon. Suddenly, without any apparent reason, my colleague made a remark: "Your neighbour at table is a very nice woman, indeed."

"You mean Viera?" I asked.

"Yes. It's a pity she has this thing with her eye. She's quite beautiful and - such a misfortune! Poor woman!"

"What's wrong with her eye?!" - I was astonished.

"It's all disfigured. Haven't you noticed yourself that when she looks at you, she screws her eyes a bit, so that nobody should see that her eyelids are different? And she always places herself so that you don't notice her defect - she doesn't want to show her temple."

"No, man," I answered sharply, "surely you're mistaken. You don't really mean Viera. It's someone else you are talking about."

"What?!" He replied. "Haven't you really noticed it yourself yet?!"

My colleague burst out laughing and joked about my inobservance.

When I met Viera next time I looked at her, examining her face deliberately. She be came conscious of it, fluttered her eyelids excitedly, accidentally turned so that I caught sight of her right temple, and then she bit her lip as if she were in pain. From the corner of her eye, from the very place where life and age leave their first lines of wisdom and human maturity, from this corner ran a very thin, long scar… Like the track of a quickly moving venomous snake, the scar disappeared behind a stray lock of hair on her temple. It was a mark left by the war, it was a grim reminder of the touch of death.

I felt the presence of something noble, pure, sacred. This woman was the best woman in the world, the best woman of all…

Later, whenever I met Viera, my colleague's face would recur to me, even against my will, and it seemed to me that his eyes were dimmed by a repellent inhuman blindness.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Any fic or TMBS au headcanons or ideas you want to share? 👀

Ooooo I have so many but I’ll try to limit it a bit!

So for TMBS au headcanons one concept that always entertains me (and I know I've told you this one) is book!Curtain and show!Curtain meeting up (aka L.D. and Nathanial to make my life easier). To me, this is the equivalent of the Doofenshmirtz and Doofenshmirtz-2 meetup in Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension.

They would get along and talk about their plans for world domination for about 5 minutes before L.D realizes that Nathanial actually has a heartTM and when Nathanial asks where SQ is and how he's doing, L.D says "...the Executive...? What about him?" Nathanial then realizes he has to throw hands and it won't end well. He also realizes he has another SQ to take in (who needs it, poor guy!!!).

Another fun AU headcanon with these two is the idea of them as theater kids. It's been talked about a lot, but in my mind, there are different types, as someone who's been around theater kids for a long time (and yes, was one).

Nathanial is definitely an Annoying Theater KidTM. There is no doubt about this. He is the type of theater kid to correct your harmonies (usually in a gratingly nice way), steal the spotlight whenever he can and overall is not a team player. How he was in that one performance as a kid tells me everything I need to know, tbh.

He also will definitely spontaneously sing and dance in the hallways, resulting in several traffic jams. Self-awareness? This guy has none.

However, there is an earnestness to him you can't deny. He loves his craft. He corrects your harmonies for the betterment of the show. He may be annoying, but it's because he wants the show to succeed. Part of the very reason he's annoying is because he's RIGHT. You hate him but also secretly love him. Does he sing "Santa Fe" for every audition? Yes. Does he hit that high note at the end? Also yes. If he doesn't get the lead, you better believe he will do his best as Tree #3. Tree #3 may look like he's doing too much, but really he's just putting his all into it and that comes off as stealing the spotlight.

L.D., on the other hand, is the worst kind of theater kid. He has a Preshow Ritual. It is an hour long and if you interrupt it, you will be dead to him. He constantly argues with the director about why they didn't put him center front in every dance number. He doesn't correct your harmonies, he just sings louder than you so you're not heard. Team player? What do you mean, this is the L.D. Show now there is no team. Anyone not on his side is against him and his clique (as small as it is) will do their best to shun you if you so much as breathe wrong. Heaven help you if you're near him the day the cast list comes out and he doesn't get his desired role...it's not pretty. He practices his monologues a hundred times in front of a mirror to the point of looking over-rehearsed. A real example of this is in TPD when L.D makes his whole villain speech after capturing the kids while circling around them....you cannot tell me he didn't practice that. It was way too choreographed.

This type of theater kid will not rest until he has gotten a lead and even that will not satisfy. Only complete control of his role and the show in it will be enough. He doesn't love the craft per se, he loves the craft done HIS WAY. The only thing saving professional crews from working with him is word-of-mouth about his insufferable personality (one show had the misfortune of picking him as an ensemble character -- he lasted two days before being fired).

So yes, both Curtains are Annoying Theater KidsTM, but annoying in their special ways :)

That got me thinking about what the rest of the MBS gang would do for their extracurricular activities in a high school AU. Because they differ, I'm dividing them by book and show canon. I'm keeping this short, but I can deep dive if y'all have specific questions on why I picked a certain activity for someone.

Book:

Reynie - Book club

Sticky - Mathletes

Kate - Soccer

Constance - Weirdly enough, chess

SQ - Art

Nicholas - Speech/debate

Rhonda - Choir

Number Two - Journalism Club/Yearbook

Milligan - Gardening Club

L.D. - Theater (to everyone's detriment, but at least he didn't pick model UN)

Martina - Girl Scouts (be very afraid)

Jackson + Jillson - Band KidsTM

Ten Men - they aren't in extracurriculars, they are just that gang of bullies the teachers can't stop and have since stopped trying (Crawlings wants to be in the Sewing Club, but McCracken won't let him >:()

Show:

Reynie - again, Book Club

Sticky - Chem Club

Kate - Tetherball

Constance - no extracurriculars, she just sets up a gambling ring in her school after the events of season 2.

SQ - Art :)

Nicholas - Community Service

Rhonda - some sort of Activism club, maybe all of them

Number Two - Woodworking

Milligan - Swim Team

Nathanial - I know he did rowing, but I choose Theater for reasons

Garrison - Neuroscience Club

Martina - Tetherball

Jackson + Jillson - still Band KidsTM

Jeffers - I honestly don't know where Jeffers would thrive best but I would hope he would find a club where the perimeter was secure and his heart was happy :) maybe a nerd group like one about his fave TV show or dance (reblog your headcanon!)

Noland - he would create a Sailing Club

Cannonball - Noland's first mate, of course :)

As for fic ideas, I actually have one I'm working on right now, it's slow progress because it's my first one, but I'm super excited about it. The only hints I will give is that it involves Milligan and Kate and was inspired by a post I saw a while back. Hopefully, it'll be done soon and I can share it with you!

Thank you Bods, this was so much fun to write!!!

[limeade-l3sbian]

I don’t think people talk enough about the shocking fact that you are the problem sometimes. Not you limeade but like you as in yourself when you stumble into issues.

I recently had this realisation in terms of all my relations. I’m the only issue in common with all of them falling apart. I’m not trying to play martyr and say the other party never did wrong, but I’ve come to realize recently I’m not a person that’s very easy to like. Not out of malice but because I’m too odd. Not in a oh i’m so unique and quirky way but in a oh i’m actually a really hard flavor for most to stomach type of way.

We on here and elsewhere often talk about how to deal with others making a relationship turn sour, how to cope with the emotional hurt, how to work towards meeting friends who appreciate us. But I haven’t ever seen the conversation of the reality sometimes simply being that we ourselves can be the recurring issue in the failings of friendships and family relations.

It’s a kind of hollow feeling tbh. I’m not crying over it and I wouldn’t say I hurt. But my issue is that I don’t know how to go about changing because finding out something deeply intrinsic to you as a person is what’s causing it is practically impossible to fix. I have of course been able to acknowledge fault in myself before this realisation but because my friends I made through my life and some of my family members are so vastly different all from each other, I didn’t make the connection that I’m probably the continuing issue to all.

My question is, do you think it’s possible to fix parts of your person, parts of your being and way your mind works, that has been present since the time you formed an identity of your own as a child? Or should I accept that I might just be made for a life of solitude? Sorry if this comes across as self pitying, i’m trying to ask a real question of advice.

First of all, you are 200% correct.

I think this has been a neglected point of this present wave of self-help. I know of two family members of mine that have never once admitted fault. I, myself, look back on situations where my aforementioned grumpiness and past anger issues hurt people in my life. And no amount of self accountability or apologies will change that moment in their lives, regardless of if they remember it or not.

Sometimes, the misfortune in our lives, recurring or otherwise, can only be attributed to us. You can't "circumstances" it away. It is one of the hardest pills to swallow but I think you making this point is very important, since certain notions can reach the wrong eyes and only further enable a detrimental lifestyle.

Do I think it is possible to fix parts of your person, parts of your being and way your mind works, that has been present since the time you formed an identity of your own as a child? I absolutely do. I think it is grueling, humbling, lifelong work, but I think it is necessary and 100% possible. I think that's how you get former extremist racists who are able to come out of a lifelong lesson of hate from those around them.

The thing about about this sort of self-work is that you must acknowledge that you have the capacity to do the thing you've done in the past. To say, "Oh, I could never do that now," I feel, is harmful. You have, and you can again in the worst or "right" circumstances. I had terrible anger issues in the past. To imply that I am no longer able to reach that level of rage is both false and insulting to those who were hurt by it in the past. It insists that they are holding a grudge against someone who doesn't exist anymore and will never exist again.

I think a great deal of the work to be done is to actively work against yourself. Similar to the way recovered addicts will tell you everyday is a fight against the impulse. This isn't to say to be fake just to fit in, in your situation, but to alter the parts of yourself that you know are objectively unsavory and understand why you are changing. It means nothing if I only try to change to appease those around me. My strongest changes came when I understood why this new version of myself was better than the past version - better for myself and for those around me.

For me, I didn't want to be angry anymore. I didn't want to lash out and make people shirk. I wanted people to feel comfortable around me. I wanted people to feel like they could tell me uncomfortable truths without having to do it from a distance (figuratively. I wasn't hitting people lol). That was my incentive to change. I still have that anger in me at times. I still feel it in my moments of overstimulation. I've just learned to outweigh it with my incentive.

It can be done, anon. It can. It will not be easy, it will not be fun, it will not be comfortable, and it will not be fast. But it can be done. 💜

[voraciousvore]

The Half-Blood Giant (51/51)

Chapter 51: Aftermath

Milton was consumed by guilt. If he hadn’t agreed to do a favor for Chester and enroll Hunter at the school, bypassing the standard formalities, none of the students would’ve been eaten. He never anticipated a half-human student would cannibalize his own kind. He was disgusted with himself as much as he was disgusted with Hunter. He should’ve intervened when he had the chance, before things got out of control. He was too soft on Hunter, too sympathetic, perhaps because of his own personal flaws. Due to his distress, he took a leave of absence from his position. His spirit had been crushed, and he needed time to recover. 

He also wanted to stay home for a while to take care of Millie. She was struggling with her own demons and fresh traumas. Milton kept her close and was a protective force to give her strength. He woke her up and held her for hours when she had nightmares or flashbacks. Millie was grateful for his love and kindness, but she was a source of support for him as well. When Milton considered making his temporary hiatus from his job permanent, since he was so devastated by his own failings, Millie convinced him to stay. She reasoned with him that he could be a force for good in improving the lives of the human students, a shield to protect them. The murders were not his fault; he couldn’t have known in advance that Chester’s son would be a violent man-eater; he could apply the knowledge gained to prevent future misfortune. Milton was thankful to have a lovely light in his life like Millie. 

Determined to right whatever wrongs were within his power to correct, Milton made significant changes when he returned to work. He requested funds from the school board to provide every human with a tracker watch, like the one he bought for Eren, so they had some protection. He beefed up security, hiring guards to patrol the hallways and campus at all hours. Milton was surprised to learn that Pedro was still willing to work at the school, despite being ingested alive by a student. Pedro explained to Milton that he felt safer now that Hunter was gone, and he believed the students needed his services more than ever. Milton admired his bravery and resolve. Ray came by the school often to keep watch over his boyfriend and the other humans, providing additional support. Milton was determined to avoid another catastrophe. 

A rift inevitably developed in the friendship between Milton and Chester. When Chester asked to stay at Milton’s house again, since he and Jackie couldn’t go home, Milton refused. He didn’t want Chester around Millie, but he was also angry with him about the situation with his son that had caused so much heartache. Chester and Jackie couldn’t bear to stay in the same community that had been ravaged by their son, so they migrated to the other city where Chester had his Maneaters Anonymous meetings, which would be more critical than ever since humans were far more common in this realm than the Land of Giants. 

Life was hard for the lonely couple. Chester and Jackie suffered from being cut off from everyone they knew and loved, not to mention their son’s fall from grace that split their family. Jackie had to overcome her debilitating fear from being surrounded by so many giant strangers. They had to start fresh in a new city, with no money or state-sanctioned identity. By an incredible stroke of luck, and generosity from a kind giant named Leon sympathetic to humans, Chester and Jackie were both able to get a job working together for the same company, Griffin Industries. They gradually picked up the pieces of their broken life to create a new future together. 

Jackie pined the loss of her magic. The couple struggled with physical intimacy, since Jackie could no longer grow or become acid-resistant. Chester was constantly salivating over her, desiring to devour her more than ever, but he had to control himself, which became harder by the day. Thankfully, they discovered the human pills that allowed Chester to eat Jackie safely, and crisis was averted as they fell into a familiar, comforting routine. Despite their loss and melancholy, they were grateful to have each other in trying times. 

Eren was not able to return to the dental clinic. She was broken, to the point where she feared she was beyond repair. She became extremely clingy to Joey, since she didn’t feel safe without him, even in her own home. Joey relented and took her to work with him, hiding her in his chest pocket. If he was going into a potentially dangerous situation, he would swallow her down or find a safe place to hide her, such as inside the glovebox of the police car. He was saddened to see his brave, sassy Eren reduced to such a state, but he protected her with his life nonetheless. Eren believed, as long as she had Joey on her side, she would be okay. 

Eren had Joey; Pedro had Ray; Millie had Milton; Jackie had Chester. With the strength of their partners, they would survive whatever trials came their way. The only person who was alone was Hunter. He had his parents, but he shunned them. He hated them; in fact, he hated everyone. Due to his smaller size, he was shipped off to a prison on the human side, but he still towered over the other human prisoners and guards at his freakish 7.5 foot height. He retained the physical hardiness and strength of a giant on top of how tall he was, so he outclassed any human physically. The other inmates knew not to mess with such a beast of a man. 

Even so, he mostly resisted the urge to violently lash out, biding his time. Every day, he fought against the spell binding him. His magic was stronger than his mother’s: He believed, with time, the spell would weaken, to the point where the seal would break. It was only a matter of time; he just needed to hold out until then. As he stared at the gloomy concrete walls and bars trapping him in, he wondered what he should do when he got out, if he ever escaped. He wasn’t sure. As much as he thirsted for revenge, he didn’t know if slaughtering everyone would bring him any long-term relief from his pain, or if he was even capable of happiness. At this point, he didn’t know if he cared either. He didn’t know if he should feel regret or remorse for what he did. He was bitter, angry, and tired. 

Chester wasn’t able to visit his son, since he was way too large to cross the barrier to the human side. Jackie had to go alone. Hunter cursed her out every time he saw her, but Jackie continued to visit him, and refused to forsake him. His dad sought to earn special visitation rights, but in the interim would at least call him on the phone to talk to him as much as he could, even though he had to pay per minute. Hunter reluctantly interacted with them, if only to counteract his boredom. They didn’t have any savings, but they sent him money for the commissary when they could, so he could buy snacks, toiletries, and small luxuries. 

One day, Jackie came to visit. Hunter sat across from her on the opposite side of a glass wall, speaking to Jackie through a phone receiver. He released his pent-up frustrations on her, volleying verbal insults until he was red in the face. Jackie took it all on the chin with stoicism, even though his words, and seeing him brooding in captivity with his orange jumpsuit, stabbed her to the heart. Eventually, Hunter calmed down to the point where she could have a normal conversation with him. Jackie asked him how everything was going and if he needed anything, and he replied in a defeated tone. As they spoke, Hunter finally brought up something that had been bothering him for a while. 

“Mom, whenever you visit I mostly just rant at you and tell you how much I hate you. Why do you keep coming?” 

“Because I love you, of course,” Jackie answered. “You’re my son.” 

“But I nearly murdered Dad! Don’t you hate me for that? And he still calls me too, since he can’t visit. I figured he’d want nothing to do with me.” 

“He loves you too, Hunter. And... yes, I would’ve been devastated if your father died. But he lived, so no lasting harm was done.” 

“What about all the other horrible things I did, like eating people?” 

Jackie sighed. “Don’t you understand, Hunter? Regardless of what you did, regardless of your faults or any ill will you may have towards us, we’ll always love and cherish you. We’re your family.” She looked down, ashamed. “I... I know we weren’t the best parents. If I could go back and change the past, I would’ve done things differently. But I hope you understand... we’ll always be there for you, through thick and thin. Whether you choose to forgive me or not is immaterial.” 

Hunter stared at her, mouth slightly agape, not sure how to respond. He passed over that point and continued the conversation, but he ruminated over her words later in his cell. Despite all the things he had done, and his rebellious, nasty, belligerent, hateful attitude, his parents still loved him. The truth hit him hard. He reflected on his time at the school. At the time, he felt like everyone hated him there, but he realized that wasn’t entirely true. Principal Henderson had been nothing but understanding and supportive, several students had approached him on his first day wanting to befriend him, and Hector was always friendly to him. 

And how did he respond to these magnanimous people, willing to give a despicable individual like him a chance? He treated them all with contempt, like dried-up worms on the sidewalk. He pushed everyone away at best, and at worst took their lives. He ate Hector and tortured and killed his girlfriend. He stole the principal’s girlfriend and swallowed her. And he stabbed his father, and would’ve slaughtered his mother if he had the chance. He was a monster, but a monster that his parents still loved unconditionally.  

He wondered if things could’ve been different, if he had just been more receptive to others. Perhaps his fate was not as inevitable as he initially believed. He didn’t have the social acumen to navigate the school environment with his sheltered upbringing, but his standoffish nature obviously didn’t help matters. The entire time, he had felt unloved and unwanted, out of place, but he realized he had a place the entire time, with his family. The realization made his heart twist in his chest. He had been so blind, so selfish. 

He couldn’t go back and relive his life, though. He had made his abysmal choices, and now he had no option but to live with the awful consequences. He deserved nothing less than the worst punishment for his sins. He curled up in bed, festering with despair and rage. Someday, he would break the curse of his mother’s magic. Someday, he would be free of this place. Someday, he would have a life to live again, and he would decide what to do with it. Someday. 

Chapter 1

Writing Masterpost

[sanccharine]

00:21 | hd + gh

pairing: handong and gahyeon x gn!reader 

genre: fluff

word count: 0.8k 

warnings: mentions of alcohol

a/n: this was inspired by handong’s recent instagram post, also i did write this in the last hour,,,so it is probably filled to the brim with mistakes sorry :D

It’s not often you meet your friends. So when you do, it seems unreal. 

You lost count of the hours you’ve spent at this bar, underneath the darkening sky and only warmed by candle fire. Having not finished even half the glass of wine, you were already losing focus, although you’d blame the company instead of the alcohol. 

That��s not to say the present company was bad. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you saw Gahyeon and Handong in person. 

Clashes with work and missed opportunities, struggling with large time zones and packed schedules, and mostly the fact that all three of you were scattered across the world. After spending every second with them during your college years, depending on them after every misfortune… it was strange to separate, to go different paths. To go from texting every day to failed attempts at video calls to quick updates every few months. 

It was isolating and disheartening. 

Yet here you are, in front of them, as if not a single second passed. Able to pick up right where you left off, many years' worth of conversations and secrets and anecdotes came flowing endlessly. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted, you couldn’t stop sharing or listening.

This is why you weren’t sure when you stopped paying attention to Gahyeon’s tale but instead focused on just soaking the pair in. Watching Handong’s little smirks before her gentle sips of wine when Gahyeon has to place her glass down to talk animatedly, eyes wide and gestures expressive. They were slightly turned to each other, all in their own little world. 

At the beginning of your friendship, you often found yourself far away from the two, unincluded in a moment such as this. The thought seems so ridiculous now, you had been so naive and insecure because at this moment, all you wanted was to observe them… just exist alongside them.

Body reacting to your thoughts, your hand was already in your pocket, searching for your phone. 

Like you’ve done a million times before, you opened the camera, switched off the flash, focused on the pair and caught them mid-conservation. As always, they will be none the wiser. You have so many more moments like these, of the two of them, none of which they are privy to because they’re for you to admire. 

You studied the picture on your phone when Gahyeon suddenly asked. “Is everything okay?” 

The moment those words were uttered your neck snapped up, worried that something was wrong. Instead, you found both Handong and Gahyeon sharing concerned looks trained on you. Glimpsing at your phone, a smile forms on your lips when you see the candid moment you captured; Gahyeon was grinning widely with her hand covering her mouth, while she shared a glass of red wine with Handong, who wore a similar warm smile. 

“Hmm, no, everything is fine—let me take photos!” In an instant, their concern was replaced by exaggerated groans, you chuckled while steadying your phone. 

“Do we have to?” Handong whined, although her actions seemed to disagree as she was straightening herself. 

Shaking your head, you waited for them to get ready. Or at least, you pretended to. 

Double-checking that the flash was turned off, you snapped multiple pictures of the pair, some with them fixing their hair, wine glasses placed on the table before being taken back, most with them deciding on how to pose. Would they complain your ears off if they found out that you took these pictures? Yes, absolutely, but again, these were for you to laugh at. 

“Are you guys done?” You asked with a sigh, but still lighthearted. 

Handong only rolled her eyes in response as she posed with her wine glass in hand, looking away from the camera, Gahyeon followed her. Then they placed their glasses down, deciding to lay on each other as they stared right at you through your phone screen. Gahyeon seemed like she was pouting while Handong had a soft smile. Even under the starless night sky with only candlelight to illuminate them and the grainy texture of the camera, they still managed to look beautiful. 

Just as you were about to lower your phone, the pair shifted again, grabbing their wine glasses and posing as if they were asked for a picture while drinking. Scoffing, you took one last picture before bringing your phone closer to examine the photos. 

“Send those to me right away, I want to post them,” Handong demanded before taking a sip of her wine. 

“Hey, are we not taking a photo with you in it as well?” Gahyeon asked. 

“Nah, my wine glass is in it, that's enough of me.” You said, grinning at the photos as you waited for them to deliver to Handong’s phone. 

Gahyeon mumbled something before fishing for her phone, making a clear display of taking photos of you—a better display would be that she was very tipsy. 

Pretty soon, the previous dynamic returned, and Gahyeon had begun telling her adventures again. Though this time, she was slightly turned towards you, mostly so you couldn’t catch her by surprise again. Handong had finished her glass of wine and had brought her legs to her chest so she could have her chin on her knees. She was wearing a proud smile, intently listening to Gahyeon while occasionally sharing knowing glances with you. 

It could be months or it could be years before another moment like this occurs. You could never really tell what might happen, so you decided to focus on the present. After taking one last look at Gahyeon and Handong’s very first picture of the night, you pocketed your phone and paid your full attention to them. 

any feedback is much appreciated.

tagging: @someone-who-likes-broccoli

[oblivious-aro]

Where the Sky Meets the Sea Ch. 1/3

And now, presenting a fanfic where the main couple of the show don't get together. Happy Valentine's Day!

Summary: Rewrite of the parts of season 6 of Ninjago (Skybound) that make my blood boil. The main change is that Nya's struggles are respected, and she's allowed to yell at people. Also, Jay isn't a complete tool the whole time abs actually goes through some character development. Follows roughly the same plot line as Skybound. The parts that are unchanged are just skimmed through.

Word Count: 4800

--------------------------------------------------

Being framed for a number of petty crimes and thrown into prison had been a bit of a setback, but the ninja did manage to obtain a solid lead on how to defeat Nadakhan from one of the inmates before they escaped.

All they needed was a map hidden in a lantern on his ship, Misfortune's Keep.

The only problem was that they had no idea where Nadakhan's ship was located.

Scouting for information on Nadakhan would be difficult with the police on the lookout for them, but Jay and Nya managed to sneak into police headquarters under disguise.

Nya had only been trying to keep their cover from getting blown when she'd requested a lunch break, but once they were outside the smell of burgers cooking made her realize she was actually quite hungry.

"Two double cheeseburgers, one with double cheese, double ketchup; the other double pickles, double mustard, ready to go!" the hamburger vendor finally announced.

Nya reached into her pockets, but Jay stopped her.

"Lunch is on me." he insisted.

"That's okay Jay." Nya said.

"Nonsense, what kind of gentleman lets a lady pay for her own food?"

Nya rolled her eyes, but she didn't want to cause a scene while they were undercover, so she let Jay have his way.

But when he dug through his pockets, all Jay could find was lint. He didn't have the money to pay for his lunch, let alone Nya's.

"Uh...um...wrong pants?" Jay smiled nervously at the unamused vendor.

Nya sighed and gave the vendor money for both their burgers.

"I-I can pay you back later." Jay said.

"Nonsense." Nya grinned coily "What kind of lady lets a gentleman pay for his own food?"

Jay sighed.

Not one of his smoothest moves.

Jay and Nya walked for about a block until they found some benches that were semi-hidden by a giant tree.

Nya sighed in relief as she pulled off her itchy moustache and police cap.

"If I had a nickel for every time I was broke..." Jay laughed.

But Nya wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Jay," she said, "We need to talk."

"Oh?" Jay's throat went dry "About what?"

"About the way you've been acting. You've been making moves on me all week, and frankly, I don’t appreciate it."

"Whaaaat?" Jay tried to smile innocently "I don't know wha-"

"Don't you dare play dumb with me Jay Walker!" Nya snapped "We both know very well what you're doing!"

That shut Jay up.

Nya sighed.

"Jay, I like you. I really do. But as a friend." her tone was soft but firm "Somewhere out there there's a really great person for you, but that person isn't me. I broke up with you because we weren't right as a couple. It...it just didn't feel good for me. I wasn’t happy. And yeah, I know I probably should have been more upfront with you back then, but I'm being upfront now and telling you to cut it out. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Nya's words hit like a dagger through Jay's heart.

He'd seen the future, they were together, and they had looked so happy. Nya had looked so happy. The sight of relaxed upturn of her lips and the crinkled corners of her eyes had been burned into Jay's memory.

In the present though, Nya's lips were tight and the soft wrinkles of her brow had been replaced with stressed creases.

Jay had just been following the vision. Why was it having the opposite effect of what he saw?

Despite his confusion, Jay knew there was no way he could continue to try and make the vision come true. Not after what Nya had just said.

"Yeah, I got it." Jay managed to stick a smile on his face "Cut the flirting. We're friends. Good...good friends. And friends...don't try to push friends into situations they're uncomfortable with."

"Yes," Nya smiled, her shoulder visibly relaxing. "That’s exactly what I’m saying. I’m so glad we’re on the same page. Hug?" Nya stretched out her arms.

Jay usually had no problem hugging his friends, including Nya, but right now he didn't think he could handle such an intimate interaction.

"Uh, how about a fist bump?" he counter-offered, holding his fist out.

Nya, still smiling, enthusiastically smashed her fist to Jay's.

Too enthusiastically.

"Agh!"

Having neglected to set her hamburger down before fist bumping, Nya's sandwich got squished and spilled all over Jay's shirt.

"Oh um, oops." she said.

"Heh, guess lunch really is on me," Jay forced out a laugh "I'm gonna go clean this up."

"Alright, I'll keep your spot saved." Nya called as Jay started across the street to look for a restroom.

Nya looked up at the beautiful clouds in the sky. That had gone way better than expected. Her life was kind of a disaster right now, but at least she and Jay were back to normal.

--------------------------------------------------

"Why Nya?" Jay wiped away the tears that had started to form in his eyes.

They'd been such a good couple! Having a girlfriend who shared his interests and sense of humour had been the greatest thing that's ever happened to him. He'd felt so confident and complete knowing someone so cool loved him as much as he'd loved her.

It was the happiest Jay had ever been in his life.

And then...that stupid matchmaking machine! That was where the trouble started.

Jay supposed it made sense. Nya had lost interest in him the second she realized she could go for someone other than Jay.

Someone better than Jay.

Sure, she hadn't actually ended up dating Cole, but that only proved Jay's suspicions further. Nya had liked Jay enough to start dating him, but it didn't take her long to realize he wasn't worth it.

It hadn’t been that she was interested in someone else, she just didn't want to be with him.

"Maybe if I was better..." Jay glanced over his shoulder "Maybe we'd still be together if I wasn't just some loser who was born in a junkyard without a penny to his name..."

"I may be able to help you with that."

Jay jumped at the sound of the unfamiliar voice.

When he turned back around someone with four arms and a cloudy tail instead of legs was floating in front of him, grinning sinisterly.

Jay had never met him before, but there was only one person this could be:

"N-N-Nadakhan! I forgot we weren't supposed to be alone!" Jay's head snapped back to Nya, obliviously munching on her sandwich "I can scream, you know. Really loud!"

"Fine, fine, suit yourself." Nadakhan turned as if to leave "Even if you are wasting a golden opportunity to get the girl to fall for you...aw well, it's your decision."

"Ha! Nice try!" Jay gloated "But I already know you can't wish for love!"

"That is true, but..." Nadakhan slowly turned back around "There aren't any rules against wishing for something...a little less direct."

"What do you mean?" Jay asked, his indomitable curiosity getting the better of him.

"You said so yourself," Nadakhan gestured to Jay with his upper right hand, "The girl showed interest in you before, right? Perhaps if you had a little more to offer her than 'boy from a junkyard', her interest would return."

Jay glanced back at Nya one last time.

"Well...maybe just one wish wouldn't hurt. You wouldn't tell anybody, right?"

"Of course not! It'll just be our little secret. Now, what was it you wanted to wish for?"

"I wish...I wish I wasn't born in a junkyard, and I wasn't poor so I can give Nya everything she ever wanted."

"Your wish is yours to keep."

Jay could hear his voice, but when he looked around, Nadakhan was nowhere to be seen.

"Um...Nadakhan?" An ominous feeling began to bubble in Jay's stomach.

What had he just done?

"Hey there, ninja!"

Jay whipped around and saw a familiar mail carrier approaching on his bike.

"Don't worry," he said "I'm not here to turn you in. Just delivering the mail." He reached into his bag and handed Jay an envelope.

"Uh, thanks?"

Who could've possibly been sending Jay mail at this time? He tore open the envelope and started reading.

"Mr Jay Walker, this letter has been sent to inform you of your father's passing, and the vast inheritance he has left you in his will... Wait, my father's...passing?!"

Jay couldn't look away from those two words. His head felt like it was under water, while the rest of his body seemed to turn to stone.

He couldn't...his dad couldn't be…

"Aw, that's sad to hear. Congrats on the inheritance, though." The carrier waved as he rode away.

Jay barely heard him. He just stood there for several seconds, unable to move or even think properly.

"Mom..." Jay suddenly realized.

He summoned his elemental dragon, and they flew off towards the scrapyard at top speed.

--------------------------------------------------

"Mom!" Jay practically screamed as he slammed the RV door open "Mom! Where are you?"

"Jay!" Edna smiled from the rocking chair she was knitting in "I'm so glad to see you, dear! We've been pretty worried after those reporters came by and asked us-"

"Mom, where's Dad?"

"Oh I'm sorry dear, but your father's no longer here."

"No..." This was all Jay's fault. Why'd he have to make that stupid wish? "No, no, n-"

"Well Edna," Jay heard a familiar voice say behind him "I got those diddilybops for the buggy, but I still can’t seem to- Oh, hey there Jay! What brings you-"

"Dad!" Jay was on his father in an instant, nearly strangling him in a bear hug. "You're okay!"

"Of course I'm okay, son." Ed said once Jay finally let him have enough air to breath. "Whew! Quite the arm strength you got there! That ninja training's really paying off."

"Whoops, sorry Dad."

"Quite alright, son. Now, not that I don't appreciate a visit and a hug from my little Jaybird, but what seems to have gotten you so worked up?"

"Sorry dad, I just got the weirdest letter." Jay pulled the document out of his pocket to show his parents. "It said that my dad had died and left me lots and lots of money. It addressed me by name and everything, so I thought something had happened to Dad. But I guess there was some mix up and we can all laugh about it now, huh?" Jay shrugged lightly.

Ed finished reading the letter and looked at Edna somberly. She gave him the same look back.

"Um...am I missing something?"

"Dear, I think it's about time we told him." Edna said.

"Told me what?" Jay asked.

"Well Son," Ed said "We did want to tell you sooner, but it just never seemed like the right time, and we could never really figure out how to say it exactly. I guess we can't really put it off any longer though." Ed laughed emptily.

Jay's heart rate began to pick up.

All his life, Jay's parents had spoken with a bubbly warmth in their voice that persisted through the worst of times. Even when Jay had broken his leg trying to invent a flying machine as a kid, even when the serpentine attacked the scrapyard, even when the two of them had almost turned into snakes-zombies, that bubbliness always lingered.

But now their voices were dead serious.

That scared Jay more than any dragon he’d ever faced.

"You see son, it's just that you're uh...you're...adopted."

Jay hadn’t been expecting that.

"I...huh?" Jay's brain struggled to form words. The walls of the RV seemed to shift and swirl around him.

"It's true." Edna stood up and joined Jay and Ed by the door "We found you right there on our doorstep one morning with a key. Your father and I hadn't really planned on having kids, but you were just the cutest little thing, so we took you in and raised you as best we could."

"A...key?" was all Jay could manage to get out.

"Yes," Edna pulled a key out of her pocket and handed it to Jay. "It didn't come with a note or instruction of any sort, but I have a feeling those directions on the back of that letter might have something to do with it."

"Oh?" Jay hadn't even noticed anything on the back of the letter until Ed passed it back to him "Oh um, yeah. I-I should probably go check that out."

Jay turned and ran out the door, his mind too full to form a proper goodbye to his parents. Once he was far enough from the RV, Jay summoned his dragon and took off to the location specified on the back of the letter.

"Well, there he goes." Ed sighed.

"You say that like he isn't coming back, Ed."

"Edna, that kid's been itchin' to leave the scrapyard behind ever since he figured out it was all we could give him."

Edna didn't say anything. She just grabbed Ed's hand as the two of them watched Jay's dragon disappear into the distance.

--------------------------------------------------

The directions on the letter led Jay to a secluded woods a small distance away from Ninjago City.

His dragon landed on a stone path and let Jay dismount before vanishing.

At the end of the path was a sleek villa surrounded by various types of lush flora. The building was coloured in tasteful gradients of grey, and very expensive looking.

A part of Jay wasn't sure this was the right place, but when he tried the key his mother had given him in the lock on the front door, it fit perfectly.

More confused than ever, Jay opened the door and went inside.

"Hello?" he called.

The house was completely silent.

"So...this was my birth dad's house?" Jay said to himself.

The inside of the house made him think of a magazine cover. Giant windows let in enough natural sunlight that there wasn't any need to turn on a light (which was good because Jay had no idea where the lightswitch was). The furniture was sparse, but very modern and pristine. A giant flat-screen TV hung on the wall above the electric fireplace.

Whoever furnished this place clearly had money to burn.

Jay walked over to a blue-grey chair. He was slightly afraid to sit in such an expensive looking seat, but he really needed a quiet minute to just relax and-

"Fear isn't a word where I come from!"

"Gah!"

Jay jumped and whipped around. Standing behind him was a two metre tall statue of his favourite comic book character, Fritz Donnegan.

"Fear isn't a word where I come from!" the statue repeated.

"Guess my dad was a big Fritz Donnegan fan. That's…kind of cool."

Jay walked over to the trophy case by the statue.

"Gee, he sure won a lot of awards." Jay reached for a random trophy "I wonder what-"

There was a click. Jay pulled his hand back as the shelf slid to the side, revealing a hidden room.

"Woah!" Jay stepped inside. The secret room was full of various costumes and Fritz Donnegan paraphernalia.

Jay's eyes widened when he spotted a limited edition Starfarer Rayblaster lying on a Hollywood-style vanity.

"Wow, I don't even have this one!" Jay excitedly ran over and grabbed the ray gun "My dad must've really liked Fritz Donnegan! I wonder why he had a secret collection room with a giant mirror, though?"

Jay looked into the mirror. Surrounding his reflection were some taped-up notes and a bunch of old photographs of one guy with various people.

"That guy looks kind of familiar...oh! It's Cliff Gordan! The actor who played Fritz in the movies. I can respect a fellow fan, but maybe you're going a little far with the decorations here, Dad. I wonder what all these notes say...Good luck Cliff, love Nancy...You're hot stuff Gordon, Vanessa...Go get 'em Cliffy, Libber ;)...Geez, did my dad steal a bunch of personal notes to Cliff Gordon? That's- wait a minute..."

It suddenly clicked for Jay.

"My dad...was Cliff Gordon?!" Jay tok a dizzy step back from the mirror "N-no way! How's that even possible? I can't be...Jay Gordon...can I?"

"Ah, but you can."

The hair on the back of Jay's neck stood up.

"Nadakhan!"

Jay turned and fired his ray gun at the djinn.

A rubber dart bounced harmlessly off him.

"Now now, there's no need for such hostility," Nadakhan smiled, "All I’m here to do is grant your second wish."

"Look Nadakhan, I don't know if you rewrote the past or what, but whatever you did, I don't want a second wish!"

"Rewrite the past? I did no such thing. All I did was merely reveal something you didn't know to already be true. I didn't change a thing, as fun as rewriting the past would have been..." Nadakhan tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Y-you're evil! I don't want to make any more wishes!"

"Oh come now, everyone always wants something." Nadakhan insisted, lazily floating in a circle around Jay "Power, prestige," he leaned a little closer to Jay "Perhaps a ray gun that actually works?"

"No! I don't want anything else! I just wish I wasn't alone with you! No, wait!" Jay buried his face in his hands "I didn’t mean to…"

Nadakhan grimaced. That hadn't been how he'd planned to make Jay use his second wish!

The wish magic surged through and out of Nadakhan before he could come up with a way to turn Jay's request to his advantage.

Ding dong! Ding dong!

"Hello?" a distant voice called "Jay? Are you in there?"

"Nya!" Jay lifted his face from his hands "Is that you?"

"Until next time." Nadakhan grumbled, vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Jay didn't waste any time racing out of the secret room and across the foyer. He nearly tore the front door from the wall as he threw it open.

"Nya!" he exclaimed "How'd you find me here?"

"You were kinda gone for a while, so I went looking for you. When I couldn't find you, I got worried and called your parents. They said you'd be here. Why'd you run off without…"

Nya trailed off as she got a look at the inside of the building.

"Wow," she breathed, stepping inside "I didn't know you had a place this ritzy. How long you been hiding this?"

"Oh, uhh..."

Jay couldn't tell her the truth. If anyone knew he had made a wish with a dangerous djinn, he'd never live it down. Especially since the wish involved trying to impress Nya after she'd literally just told him to back off.

Jay desperately wracked his brain.

"I mean...if you can have a secret hideout...why can't I?" Jay hoped he didn't sound as nervous as he felt.

"A secret hideout eh? Well, I suppose I of all people can respect that. But why'd you leave in the middle of-"

"Nya, Jay, come in!" Lloyd's staticky voice interrupted Nya.

"We're here." Nya spoke into her bracelet "What's going on? Did something happen?"

Jay quietly sighed with relief, thankful for the distraction.

"Haven't you heard?" Lloyd replied "Sky pirates are attacking the city! We need everyone here stat!"

"Sky pirates? We're on our way now!" Nya looked up at Jay "Come on! No time to lose!"

Jay nodded and followed Nya out of the house. Once they got out of the trees, both of them summoned their dragons and took off towards Ninjago City.

"Hey, about earlier," Nya called to Jay from her dragon, "I'm sorry if I've been kind of in a bad mood lately."

"Oh, uh...you don't really need to apologize for anything, Nya." Jay called back.

"I don't know, I feel like maybe I do." Nya rubbed the back of her neck "I've just kind of been under a lot of pressure. I mean, being the newest ninja on the team, trying to catch up in training, how the general public has been reacting to there being a girl ninja..." Nya briefly frowned but quickly shook off whatever was on her mind. "Anyway, it's just been a stressful couple of months. I'm just really glad I've got at least one person in my corner."

"Oh, y-yeah. No problem..." Jay said,

"Seriously Jay, thank you for just listening to me being a friend. You have no idea how much I need that right now." Nya turned to Jay and smiled.

Jay smiled back briefly before turning away. He genuinely wondered if he should take some kind of medication for the awful feeling in his stomach.

--------------------------------------------------

During their battle with the Nadakhan’s crew, Cole managed to snag the lantern that contained the map to the hidden Tiger Widow Island, but their victory came at a cost.

Kai was nowhere to be found after the sky pirates retreated.

It didn't take long for the remaining ninja to figure out that Nadakhan had trapped him in his Djinn Blade along with Wu and Misako.

The loss hit the group hard. It wasn't that Wu or Misako's absence was unfelt, but Kai had been by their side minutes ago, and now he was suddenly just...gone.

Something flashed across Nya's face that made Jay's heart ache, but before he could even consider consoling her, a determined rage replaced any vulnerability in her eyes.

Nya was the first one to speak, breaking the group out of their stupor by reminding them it was time for the next step in their plan.

Feeling a bit guilty about Kai, Jay offered up his new house for the group to hide out in and plan their next move.

Cole took Jay aside and confronted him about his sudden acquisition of such an expensive property. Jay knew he wouldn't be able to get away with lying to Cole, so he confessed everything. Cole was not happy to hear any of what Jay told him, but he promised to not say anything to the rest of the group.

So long as no one else got hurt.

The island was too far away for their dragons to fly to, so the team headed down to the docks to charter a ship.

Unfortunately, the sailor manning the docks sensed a mighty storm brewing, and refused to lend them a sea vessel.

Luckily, Jay's late father happened to have a robust (not to mention incredibly shiny) boat at that dock the ninja were free to use.

The storm was as bad as the sailor had predicted. Jay had to be tied to the top of the mast to act as a lightning rod, while Zane went below deck so he wouldn't attract any lightning away from Jay.

It was one of the worst storms any of the ninja had ever seen. Everyone was so caught up in the chaos of making sure the ship didn't crash, that no one noticed the island approaching before it was too late.

"Brace yourselves!" was all Lloyd had time to shout before there was a deafening crunch, and the world went black.

--------------------------------------------------

The gentle sound of waves breaking on the sand greeted Jay’s ears as he started to regain consciousness.

When he opened his eyes, he saw the sun beginning to rise, and Lloyd helping Cole stand up. Nya stood nearby, her hand shading her eyes as she scanned the sea.

Behind them was a thick jungle, presumably with the tiger widow lurking somewhere in its depths.

At least they’d made it to the island in one piece, even if the former Cliff Gordon’s boat hadn’t.

Jay blearily stood up and brushed as much sand as he could out of his gi.

"Cole!" he suddenly realized "How on earth did you manage to not get wet in a shipwreck?"

Cole just rubbed his head, not awake enough to form a response.

"Jay! You're up!" relief washed over Lloyd's face "Thank goodness we're all okay."

"Not all of us," Nya frowned, "I can't find Zane anywhere!"

“Zane?" Cole blinked and looked around the beach.

"Oh no!" Nya's hands shot to her mouth in horror "He was below deck during the storm alone! How could we have forgotten? Nadakhan must have-"

"Okay, that's it!" Cole snapped, now very awake and very angry "This has gone too far!"

"Cole," Lloyd said "We're all upset about losing Zane and Kai, but you have to stay calm."

"I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about him!"

Jay’s heart stopped as Cole pointed at him.

"Jay?" Nya asked "What'd Jay do?"

"Ha ha, y-yeah Cole? What'd I do?"

"Don't play dumb." Cole shot Jay a glare before turning back to Nya and Lloyd "Jay already made two wishes with Nadakhan before he visited any of us. He could have warned us, and Kai and Zane might still be here!"

"Wait what?" Nya's eyebrows shot up.

"Wh…” Lloyd scrunched his face in confusion ”Why didn't you tell us earlier Jay?" Lloyd asked.

"Oh, I don't know, it just didn't really seem important, I guess..." Jay didn't make eye contact with anyone.

"He didn't tell anyone because he used his wish to get that fancy house to try and impress Nya!"

Jay’s stomach dropped and the world seemed to stand still.

Nya's eyebrows somehow shot up even higher.

"You..." her voice was unsteady, like someone had knocked the wind out of her "You mean when you disappeared at lunch...after I had made it very clear I wasn't interested in dating you..." the disbelief in Nya's voice steadily morphed into rage "You told me you understood, and then you ran off with an evil djinn and tried to wish for my love!?"

"N-no! Nya, it's not like that! I wasn't trying to...h-he tricked me into-"

"Save it Jay." Nya turned away from him and crossed her arms "I don't want to hear whatever lies you're trying to feed me!"

She marched into the jungle without looking back.

"No, wait! Nya! I'm not-" Jay looked at Lloyd and Cole "C'mon, help me out here guys!"

"Here's some advice," Cole said "Next time, don't keep vital information from the team just to save your own sorry hide."

Cole's shoulder bumped roughly into Jay as he walked past him to follow Nya.

Jay desperately turned to Lloyd, but the hard glare Lloyd was giving him destroyed any hope he had for sympathy.

Lloyd didn't even say anything as he walked past Jay into the trees.

"I just found out my parents aren't my birth parents!" Jay shouted into the trees "If anyone cares!"

There was no response.

Jay groaned and ran after the others.

--------------------------------------------------

When they got to the tiger widow's cave, Jay was unanimously voted to go in and retrieve the venom alone. He desperately tried to protest this decision, but no one was budging.

Despite the threat to his life and limb, a part of him was glad to get away from Nya's burning glare.

After much struggle (and screaming), Jay finally managed to procure a canteen of the deadly spider's venom. When he escaped the cave, he found his friends scattered and locked in fierce battle with various members of Nadakhan's crew.

The ninja managed to regroup, but the angry tiger widow had followed Jay, and chased the group across an unstable bridge. The bridge couldn't hold their weight and snapped in two.

The ninja managed to grab onto one half of the bridge and began to climb to safety, but Nadakhan suddenly appeared and took advantage of their compromised position.

He kidnapped Jay, emptied his canteen, and sent the tiger widow tumbling to the treacherous valley below.

"Jay!" Cole yelled as the cackling Nadakhan and his crew retreated into the sky "Oh no, we've lost Jay and the only thing that can stop Nadakhan!"

"Not quite." Nya pulled out a canteen full of-

"The tiger widow venom?" Lloyd's eyes widened "But, how?"

"I switched canteens with Jay before the bridge collapsed." Nya grinned proudly.

"So that means..." Lloys smiled.

"We have the only thing that can stop Nadakhan!" Cole finished enthusiastically.

"And better yet, they don't know we have it." Nya added.

Cole squinted at the sky.

"But there's no way our dragons can fly that far, and our ship was scuttled on entry, so how are we supposed to get off this island?"

"If we managed to escape an asteroid in the desolate void of space, we can get off this island." Lloyd said confidently.

"Lloyd's right. We'll find a way. We always do." Nya tightened her grip on the canteen. "Nadakhan had better watch out, because we're coming for him."

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[danpuff-ao3]

for the Snape ask 22, 25, 27 💖

Hi there anon! Thanks for the asks! (I do so love these ask games!) (And I especially love Severus!)

22.) Do you think Lily was a good friend to Severus?

I'm so glad you asked this one! I'm curious about a lot of people's answer to this, actually.

As for me...yes-ish.

I don't think Lily was a bad friend. I also don't think she was the epitome of friendship, either. And with Lily being such an idealized character in so many respects...it's as if she's seen as perfect. And if a flaw is spotted...it's this terrible sin. The marring of what was once perfection. A greater sin than had you been flawless from the start.

Lily was a person just like everyone else; but she had the misfortune of being idolized in so many people's eyes. James was smitten from the start; saw her as a prize to be won. To Severus, she was his first friend, his first real connection to magic outside of his mother. Both were drawn to her, and built her up in their heads; and their love blinded them, in ways.

She was charming, popular, pretty; of course Lily drew people to her. She was part of the Slug Club (quite the honor, right? LOL.) She also had a sense of right and wrong; a sense of justice and honor and bravery. She was part of the Order.

And worst of all (for her image), she sacrificed herself for her son. And that sacrifice protected him. Not bad, of course, but another strike against her humanity. Lily was a Lover, a Martyr, a Mother, a Saint.

Okay I've rambled about Lily, so let's wrap it back around to the point: for all that people saw her as being other, as being above, she was truly only human. She was just a girl.

Again: Lily was charming, popular, and pretty. And she befriended a boy who was the opposite of those things. Severus was poor and strange. Petunia didn't like him. (Further separation from her sister.) Their classmates didn't like him. (Outright despised him, in case of the Marauders.)

Lily was young. Young people can be ignorant, insecure, and selfish. She could have steered clear of that awful Snape boy. She could have judged him for being poor and strange, or been worried that people would judge her for associating with him. Not that it would be right, but it could be understood.

Surely she was judged for their friendship. Maybe Lily's "greatness" was enough to maintain her status in spite of this. That doesn't mean it would be easy to hear.

She stuck by him for a long time. Meeting up at Cokeworth. They clearly hung out at school some. In spite of Petunia's snobbery, in spite of her peers' opinions, in spite of their separation into Gryffindor and Slytherin. She put up with his questionable acquaintances for a while, too.

To me, Lily valued loyalty and friendship. People mattered to her. Doing what was right mattered to her. And she valued Severus. Her first magical friend. She could appreciate his intelligence and his curiosity; I think part of her even liked his intensity. I like to think she saw the good in him, too, buried under the bitterness and darkness. She respected his loyalty, his dedication, his hard work. They delighted in magic today, in learning and practicing.

But again...Lily was just a girl. I think she could be self-righteous a bit, and arrogant; maybe a part of her, one she didn't acknowledge, but deep down she saw herself as above and better. She had a stable family and home life, she had more money and resources, she had her looks and her charm. And maybe part of her liked being above him in that way. Especially if she saw him as being above her in others; more intelligent, more skilled, more powerful. And the farther they go, and the more he falls into the wrong crowd, the more that self-righteousness comes through. Her privilege bleeding out, however much she fought against it, and to be better than that.

I think she was self-absorbed, too, in ways; between her youth and her privilege, how could she not be? Caught up in her own woes, her own drama, her own brilliance. Delighting in Severus' attention. She respected his loyalty and love, yes, but she also enjoyed what it gave her personally. And perhaps his attention felt safer, more comfortable, than James Potter's.

Perhaps there was resentment, too, over blood status. Severus might be a half-blood, but Lily was Muggle-born. So, perhaps some level of envy that Severus had connection to a magical family. And half-blood was surely a step up from Muggle-born, in the eyes of blood purists. Maybe she resented all of her good qualities being tainted by her birth: "she's so pretty for a Muggle-born, so gifted for a Muggle-born, so smart for a Muggle-born!" Resentment that grew when Severus began falling in with the wrong people.

Lily was spirited. Bold, and honest. She may have been direct with Severus in ways that he needed to hear, but other times...maybe too brutally honest. They probably butted heads at times. And maybe she was prone to getting her way. Maybe she knew Severus wouldn't really argue with her over much, and maybe she took advantage of that without meaning to. Maybe she made mistakes. Said and did the wrong things.

But I think her heart was in the right place. I think she tried. I think she loved him, truly. That she was a genuine friend to him, however imperfect she may have been. I think when he called her "Mudblood" it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it broke her heart.

So...yes. I think she was a good friend, between her values (of friendship, loyalty, compassion, kindness) and her love for him (his mind, his heart, his soul.) I think she tried to do her best by him. And I think she failed sometimes, as all people do. Between Severus' baggage, and her own. She wasn't perfect. She wasn't the best friend who ever existed. She was just a human person, trying her best, living and learning as she went.

25.) Is there any other character you love as much as Snape? Do you think they'll get along?

Harry friggin' Potter. I adore that boy. What a precious ray of sunshine, what a delightful little mess.

Do they get along? Absolutely not. Not at first, anyway. Except...they're soulmates. Hate turns to love, or hate exists alongside love, and it's an explosive and scorching and powerful force to be reckoned with.

They're angry, and bitter. They're good, and brave, and strong. They're intense, and obsessive. They're curious. They have trauma. They have history. They have love. And dedication. They're stubborn. They'll butt heads and challenge each other. They'll hit each other where it hurts. But once they find their way together, they'll never give up on each other, no matter how hard life gets. No matter how difficult the other can be.

For more of my very passionate Snarry feels you can read Why I Ship Snarry and/or Snarry Synastry: the Astrology of Love.

27.) Do you think Snape was close to his mother?

Not really, no.

I have very strong, very specific headcanons about Eileen and her relationship with Severus.

In my mind, Eileen is a pureblood witch. She's from a pureblood family who had fallen on hard times. Eileen felt trapped and weighed down by expectation. Her family hoped to marry her off to improve their standing, on top of general pureblood beliefs and she suffocated on them. She couldn't make her family proud. She was shy and quiet. Her great love was Gobstones. And she harbored dreams of escaping and rebelling that she never actually expected would happen.

Until she met Tobias. Tobias was a Muggle and he swept her off her feet. I see Tobias a a musician with visions of grandeur that are never realized. All of his passion and his hopes draw Eileen to him. He's intense, charismatic, possessive. And Eileen is a bit strange, and not very pretty, but Tobias finds her to be mysterious and intriguing. They have a whirlwind romance. They marry. And everything goes to hell.

Eileen and Severus love each other, but they also resent each other.

Had Severus not been born...maybe Tobias would still love her. Maybe Tobias' dreams would have come true. But they had a family to take care of. Responsibilities. Tobias' dream died. And when Severus showed signs of magic, and Eileen had to break the news to him, Tobias' love died, too.

As for how Severus feels about Eileen...well, it's her fault he's trapped in Cokeworth. She chose to give him a Muggle for a father. He grew up poor. He grew up away from magic. He grew up with his magic being hated by his father. He grew up in violence; whether just witnessing it, or being a target himself.

Between seeds of resentment towards her son, and the horror of what her husband put her through, Eileen couldn't be a proper, good mum. She tried, but she often failed. She was depressed. Abused. She tried to make the best of her circumstances, but she never left. She still loved her husband. And she did love her son, in her own way. She was stubborn. She was determined to make it work. She also had nowhere else to go. She had been disowned by her family. All she had was Tobias, and Severus.

Also...I often see people who headcanon Eileen teaching Severus all she knew about potions, but I don't care for that myself. I don't really jive with the idea of interests being passed down the family line, and I like the idea of this subject being Severus', and Severus' alone.

Instead, I like to think part of the problem is...Severus is too dang smart for both of his parents. Not that Eileen and Tobias are dumb, but Severus is just...he has a voracious appetite for knowledge that puzzles them at times, and threatens them other times. How do you handle your child being so dang brilliant?? How do you handle a child that makes you feel like a total idiot? Not only does he thirst for knowledge, but he picks up information and skills very quickly.

Any strain caused by circumstances is further exacerbated by the fact that there is so little for the family to connect on.

So no, I don't think Severus was close to either of his parents, though I think he was closer to Eileen than Tobias. He went to her to ask questions about magic, and questions about her family. He went to her for protection from Tobias, until he learned she couldn't protect him. Eileen is who he went to to sign permission slips for Hogwarts. Maybe on a good day he would proudly tell her of his accomplishments.

And Eileen was terribly confused by her brilliant son, but also insanely proud.

And scared, I think. Because she sees a lot of Tobias' intensity in him. She sees his darkness and his bitterness. And she isn't surprised when he becomes a Death Eater, but she is disappointed.

All this to say: it's complicated. There is love there, deep down. There were good moments between them. But were they close? Not at all.

Snape asks

answered: 22, 25. 27

[deerslutsworld]

A Line Without a-

Rating: M

Relationship: M/F (breakup)

Warnings: Fake relationship, internalized homophobia, referenced loss, uncomfortable kiss.

Mordecai meets a familiar face ass he tries to recover from his previous lost love. Part of the series I'm writing with @silver-heller.

Read It On Ao3

It was two years or so after the incident when he first met her again. One of the few women he’d had the misfortune to be forced to dance with, upon Mitzi’s insistence, that is. It had been a small mercy he hadn’t met her up until that point, finding himself at the outskirts of The Lackadaisy when a quaint yet quiet voice spoke up.

“Oh, hi Mordecai,” she said, followed by the sound of pearls being messed with. 

He turned to see the type of woman only depicted on the silver screen. With her big, round, bedazzled eyes and her plump lips, she had the sort of pouty look which had started to become popular, at the time. That is to say, the type of woman any man would be proud to court or be courted by.

And, yet, Mordecai found his reaction to seeing her again was no different from when their initial meeting. His heart didn’t flutter, his palms didn’t become sweaty, and his tail didn’t even swoosh in either excitement or anxiety. 

The most that he felt was annoyance that his usual, thoughtful observations had once again been interrupted.

Although Mordecai raised an eyebrow at her greeting, the rest of his face remained the same.

“If you’re going to ask me to dance again, I think we both know it’s not worth it. It’d be best for the both of us if I didn’t.”

She shook her head, causing the earrings at her sides to wobble. 

“Oh! Well, that’s okay. To be honest, I don’t mind just standing and talking either so,” she said, finding a spot beside him and doing just that. 

She fell silent as she looked on out at the party. Mordecai would usually do the same, but his eyes were trapped on her. This elusive ghost from his past that had so casually strolled over, and decided to rest beside him like a lamppost. She looked back over, fidgeting in her heels.

“I’m sorry, am I bothering you?”

He stuck his head up, teeth pressing together as he suppressed the “Y” dancing on his tongue.

“No. I’m just surprised you still want to talk to me after that incident is all,” Mordecai said, eyeing her once more. 

Even though he still didn’t see the point in dancing, seeing it as nothing more than a frivolous excuse to waste energy, he hadn’t meant to come off as cold as he did during their initial meeting.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked down at her necklace.

“Right. Well, it did hurt me when I thought you had rejected me, but, after I realized the misunderstanding, I felt bad. Especially when I got so caught up in winning you over I ended up pressuring you into something you found uncomfortable. So, I’m sorry.”

Mordecai tilted his head, though his ears remained pointed forward. Suddenly the ongoing party became less interesting to him, the real puzzle standing just beside him.

“You don’t mind that I don’t enjoy dancing? Correct me if I’m wrong but, by most standards, I believe that would be considered unattractive .”

She shook her head with a hum. 

“No. I mean, the most important thing is the type of person you are, right? I think we got off on the wrong foot, so, if you ever want to do something you’d be more comfortable with, I’d be willing. But only if you want to, of course!” she said, the necklace becoming more intermingled with her paw as she spoke. 

The final song came to a resounding end, the dancing bodies stopping to clap as the band took their last few bows for the night. 

Her head shifted there, though Mordecai’s eyes never left her, trained on his target with sharp vision and an ever-shifting tail. 

“Oh, I guess I should get going, huh?”

She fished through her purse for a moment, pulling out a pen and a piece of paper. She pressed the latter up on the wall, writing something down. The whole while Mordecai watched her with wide eyes.

“Here’s my number,” she said, slipping it into his top pocket with a small smile, “And my name is Irene, by the way.”

She gave him a subtle courtesy before rejoining her friends. Mordecai was just left frozen in place against the wall, gaping after her. This really is like the movies , he thought to himself. And so, the reel began. 

The next few months were spent learning more about her…when Mordecai had the free time to do so. They would go to all the classic spots, the theater, the park, the local shops, and even the cafe, every now and again.

“Wow, this place is lovely. I didn’t realize you’d frequent this kind of joint. I took you as more the serious type,” she said, looking around with a smile that he returned.

“Looks can be deceiving. Besides, the waffles here are quite good,” he said, sticking his head up with a proud expression, “Did you know you can use the holes in waffles to calculate matrix math? It’s quite the entertaining hobby.”

She snorted, causing what felt like a millennium's worth of memories to swirl from their resting place, filling his mind with dust . 

“I should have known you’d say that,” she leaned closer to him from her chair, “So, tell me more about this place.”

Tell me about yourself. 

It even got to the point where he thought it appropriate for her to meet Viktor. Mordecai walked into the garage one morning, telling her to wait outside while he “settled a few things”. 

He’d given Viktor the sternness of expressions, whole face crumpling up as he stood overhead. 

“Now, before you see her, Viktor, can I ask you a small favor?” Mordecai said, causing Viktor to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Vhat?”

“Could you tone down your, how do I put this, intensity just a tad?” Mordecai said, placing his paws together, “Irene is a very sensitive woman, and I don’t want you scaring her with your usual gruffness .” 

Viktor let out a huff. He stood from where he was working on a car hood to give Mordecai a dismissive paw wave.

“Any ‘voman’ you’re datin’ should be able to handle it just fine,” Viktor said, crossing his arms, “Naow, out with it already. I vant to see vho you’ve been spendin’ so much time with.”

Mordecai bit his lip, studying the man. However, after a moment of consideration, Viktor not budging despite his looks, he tilted his head to call back.

“Irene! You can come in now!”

That shy head poked in, round eyes becoming even rounder at what she saw. When Mordecai offered her his paw, she stumbled toward it as if it was the last lifeboat on a ship. She hid partially behind Mordecai, looking out at the muscular, wild-looking cat that did nothing to hide the height difference. 

He was too stunned to, smile falling and eye filling with confusion as he took in Mordecai’s so-called “partner”. 

“Viktor, meet Irene. Irene, meet Viktor.”

Viktor shot her an open mouth smile, showing off his canines and offering her his still rather musty paw. Mordecai had to stop his whole neck from contracting just looking at it.

“The pleasure is mine.”

She just took it with a grimace, a shiver running down her spine.

“I-it’s nice to meet you too…”

Concerning first introductions at least, Mordecai thought this was one of the better out of the bunch for Viktor. At least she hadn’t run away screaming or crying, or something. Instead, as they walked off, she concluded with a small, “your friends sure are interesting,” with the rise in her voice he’d taken to mean she was uncomfortable .

Of course, remaining with the Lackadaisy crew, who knew his history just as well as they knew their liquor, would lead to some…comments. Concerns, and the like.

Mordecai stood from the counter, slamming his paws down on it. It was after hours, and so, the glance he received from said action had dwindled down to one.

“First Viktor, and now you ? I don’t get it, Mitzi. You encourage me to move on and then, the moment I do, you and everyone else find a paraphrenia of problems with it,” he ran a paw through his hair, “Am I missing something? Some sign I was supposed to take that as sarcasm, or just some friendly lie in order to spare my feelings?”

“No one is saying you can’t move on, sugar. We’re just questioning how you’re moving on. I mean, going from a wildcard like Silver to a tame little thing like Irene just doesn’t suit you, dear,” she said, biting her lip and taking a step back. 

Mordecai’s tail went rigid behind him, fangs gritted. 

“And how do you know what suits me, Mitzi? You didn’t even know about us until just before Silver…”

His snarl fell, replaced with a deep frown and the furrowing of his brows.

“That’s how most people learned about it, actually.”

Mitzi raised her hands up in defeat, watching as Mordecai’s paws gradually slipped down.

“Our hearts can be fragile, you know. So you shouldn’t court her unless you’re absolutely sure of yourself. That’s all I’m saying. You would know your own feelings better than anyone, of course.”

As she walked away, disappearing into the backroom, Mordecai’s anger melted as he collapsed onto the counter. His ears went down and he shifted to let his forehead rest against the cool stone.

“What am I doing?” he whispered to himself. 

He looked down at his watch as its shine caught the light. It’d only be a couple of hours until he’d see her again. He banged his head against the counter.

These were the events that lead up to that fateful night down at the Lackadaisy. The party was in full swing the way it always was, yet, those two could be found nowhere among those busybodies. 

Instead, they were tucked away in the storage closet, where it was quiet and they could be alone . They’d received a few looks heading that way, with the additional murmur of encouragement or wink here and there. This is just like the movies , he thought; the adventurous couple breaking into where they weren’t wanted, giggling and laughing all the while.

“M-Mordecai, slow down,” Irene said as she tripped on one of the many pebbles scattered on the ground.

The music from the party slowly faded, replaced by the ambiance of the cavern as they went deeper inside its many passages. Mordecai’s paws kept slipping.

By the time they’d made it to the storage room, and he had turned to her, he was panting and his head was spinning. 

Her eyes widened, tail swirling behind her as she looked deeply into his eyes. He could relax now, the hard work had been done for him, he just needed to let it all slide into place.

“Did you have something in mind when you brought me here, Mordecai,” she asked, stepping closer with that smile. Teasing, though shy all the same with the subtle pull of her lips to the sides. 

Her heat was contagious, infecting his whole body as his skin was set ablaze. 

“Well, I just…”

He’d act skittish, letting his inexperience show so she’d chuckle and take the lead. 

“All you had to do was ask, you know.”

His eyelids closed shut as her mouth approached his, ears quivering as he could so faintly hear the party in the distance. It became louder and louder, as if beckoning to him, begging him to pull away, and return as if nothing had happened at all. Roll credits.

Was this what attraction looked like? Felt like? He experienced it very rarely before, and yet…he never remembered it being this nauseating. 

Before he could change his mind, his fate was sealed.

Lips touched lips, fur brushed against fur, and all at once he was hit with a wave of disgust . For the first time, he was realizing how atrocious lips were. Wet abominations kept captive with one’s nose, so much so that one could not be brushed without the other. His own was thrown straight into the scent of her perfume, nose wiggling with the beginnings of a sneeze. Her whiskers tickled his cheeks, just reminding him of their true closeness and forcing that visual into his head. 

Yet, his mind didn’t linger on that, instead, listing off all the things he would be doing straight after. Or, preferably, would be doing instead of smashing snouts with some woman he’d met at the club one day, whose description in his mind would always begin and end with just that, and nothing more. 

He pulled away from the kiss and, looking at her, the film reel in his head had been melted completely. There were no rose-tinted glasses, no butterflies in his stomach, or the sudden igniting of a flame deep inside of him. Any future they had was lost to the flames entirely, leaving Mordecai to stare at the blank screen.

In front of him was a woman. A beautiful woman, a woman with plenty of charm and class, who’d done her best to understand his little quirks.

But, still. At the end of the day, she was just that. 

"That…it didn't feel right," Mordecai said, stumbling back as he just processed this.

His head had become partially tucked into his collar at the scene in front of him, feeling like an actor that just stumbled upon the wrong set. 

"D-did I do something wrong? I'll admit I'm not very accustomed to kissing, it's not something I make a habit of."

He gestured wildly as he spoke and she shuffled with her bag. The dripping of the cavern filled his head.

"Maybe I messed up? I’m not used to it either, so" she suggested, shame filling those eyes.

But Mordecai shook his head, straightening himself out. 

"No I-I don't think that's it."

He looked at her through narrowed eyes, letting out a breath. He cycled through all the people he had ever loved, and the pattern had become clear. It had always been clear, but oh did he crave that same sweetness to make its way across her lips.

"It's me. It’s always just… me .”

She considered this for a moment, tan fur looking bright against the dark brown of the walls.

"You're not attracted to me, are you?" She asked, eyes lifting up to his.

Her fingers fell from the clasp of her bag as he slowly nodded. 

"I don't believe so. I thought I could be but…I apologize, my head is all messed up right now. I'm not certain how to explain this." 

He gritted his teeth, the ambient buzzing of the place driving him mad. Suddenly, he’d do anything to be back at that party, standing by the outskirts all by himself as he just let the usual hum and music of the place drift him away.

He put his hand on his heart, letting out a weary sigh.

“I’m sorry, Irene. In our time apart a lot has happened. To me, specifically. I suppose, when you still found me attractive despite that little incident between us, I got desperate. I wanted to be understood again. I just let that get out of hand,” Mordecai said, hanging his head low, “I’m sorry.”

She sniffled, body tensing, and tail wrapping around her legs. She brought her paw up to wipe at her eyes.

“I understand.”

She said this, yet there were tears in her eyes. She spun around as she felt them, running off and leaving Mordecai with one final message.

“I have to go."

He didn’t stop her, ears going down and letting out yet another hefty sigh. 

Mordecai hadn’t seen Irene since. 

He’d collapsed down on the floor, for once, not minding the filth when he heard it. The echoing of a cane on the cavern floor, sounding so crisp now and causing his ears to shift there. Through the light, he could see that figure’s shadow stretched out along the stone wall, drawing nearer and nearer. Yet, he didn’t move, his own shadow stagnant. 

A couple of months had rushed by him as if they were only a couple of weeks, and he found himself lost on a deserted island with little more than a clue as to how he got there. Whatever was gripping him had been released, allowing him to breathe, slow down, and take in the scent of illegal alcohol all around him.

His eyes flicked over as the footsteps stopped, revealing a familiar tabby standing by the entrance. He kept his face tempered, inspecting Mordecai’s eyes before speaking.

“Still trying to fill that hole, I see,” Atlas said, looking back where Irene had once been before shifting his entire focus on Mordecai and Mordecai alone.

Mordecai sat up, narrowing his eyes, and clawing at his tie to give himself some more air. His eyebrows had fallen, eyelids attempting but unsuccessfully holding their weight.

“And? Where have you been all this time?”

His voice sounded sharp in his ears, jumping at the noise that had become nothing more than a distant melody, even to himself, recreated again. Atlas merely raised an eyebrow, frame stretched to tower over the other man. 

“I’ve been busy.”

He walked over without further explanation, kneeling down and looking Mordecai straight in the eyes. Mordecai froze as Atlas’ vision pierced through him, an explanation dying on his lips at the sensation. 

“So you’ve finally woken up, haven’t you, Heller?”

[atyped]

@altertyped​   feat.  mal  𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝  :   “ yeah, well,  can’t  escape  the  past.   right? “

                      courtney   is   no   stranger   to   the   concept   of   having   past   decisions   returning   to   haunt   you   and   she   has   the   misfortune   of   those   decisions   being   a   part   of   the   public   record,   forever   immortalizing   some   of   her   most   painful   and   embarrassing   moments.     countless   nights   staring   up   at   the   ceiling   with   bags   under   her   eyes   and   dried   tears   on   her   cheeks,   reliving   the   humiliation,   left   to   wonder   how   things   might   have   turned   out   differently   if   she   had   kept   some   of   her   innocence.     she   had   always   had   an   overdeveloped   sense   of   justice,   but   pride   was   far   more   addictive   and   her   burning   crusade   of   self-righteousness   scorched   the   earth   around   her   and   burned   countless   bridges.     there’s   a   reason   they   say   it’s   lonely   at   the   top.     

                     it   was   inevitable   that   her   past   catch   up   with   her   and   a   sign   of   growth   was   an   acceptance   of   the   need   for   her   to   atone.     when   you   lack   self   control,   the   desire   to   control   others   and   your   surroundings   has   you   running   on   autopilot.     she   sits   across   from   mal,   her   fourth   glass   of   wine   nearly   drained   as   brown   eyes   finally   lift   from   the   sticky   table   at   some   hole   in   the   wall   off   the   highway   closest   to   both   of   their   lodgings,   meeting   halfway   both   literally   and   figuratively.     the   past   hour   had   been   an   opportunity   for   her   to   vent,   to   air   out   her   frustrations   about   his   sabotage   and   her   final   moments   on   total   drama.     she   had   spent   so   long   stewing   about   it,   seething   and   blaming   others   and   for   someone   as   shady   and   cruel   as   mal   to   𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞   her   pain––   it’s   the   most   accountability   she’s   seen   from   one   of   her   former   co - stars.     not   even   gwen   had   ever   truly   acknowledged   the   hurt   she’d   inflicted   and   its   enough   for   courtney   to   finally   swallow   enough   of   her   pride   to   start   her   own   journey   of   atonement.     you   can’t   escape   the   past,   right?

                       “ I   suppose   none   of   us   can, ”   she   muses,   swirling   the   last   few   drops   of   red   wine   in   her   glass.     for   the   first   time   that   evening,   a   ghost   of   an   accepting   smile   forms   and   she   sighs.     “ even   so,   that   doesn’t   mean   that   we   can’t   learn   from   it.     or   accept   it.  ”   courtney   doesn’t   know   if   she   will   ever   truly   forgive   gwen   or   duncan   for   that   matter   and   probably   won’t   forgive   herself   for   all   of   the   wrongs   she’s   inflicted,   but   in   the   grand   scheme   of   things––   mal   played   her   in   a   way   that   wasn’t   personal,   and   to   courtney   that   makes   a   difference.     

             *   𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙴   𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴   𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂   ...   no  longer  accepting .  

[gilthairpins]

Book 2 Chapter 5: How Can We Deal With The Grudges On Both Sides?

My body felt like it was on fire, and like I was in an ice cave. My lips were dry and I was struggling.

“Water is here, Sister.” Yutan said softly.

It turns out I had been murmuring for water unconsciously. Yutan helped me sit up and fed me a few sips. I looked at Yutan who was full of joy, and suddenly came to my senses. I looked around the room and then at Yutan suspiciously.

“The emperor has pardoned my sister.” Yutan said with a smile.

I felt relieved, but when I thought about Thirteenth, I immediately felt sad again.

Yutan brought over some porridge and I felt extremely hungry after smelling the rice. After I had eaten half a bowl that Yutan had fed me, she said, “Sister has been in a coma these last three days. Your body was as hot as charcoal. It was really scary!”

“Three days?” I asked in surprise. I realized my voice was hoarse as soon as I said this, and I coughed several times before stopping.

Yutan nodded and said, “I don’t know why, but Fourteenth was also punished to kneel down. According to the eunuchs on duty outside the palace at that time; they had only heard the voices of Fourteenth and the live long lord arguing. They kept mentioning Thirteenth. Fourteenth knelt outside Qianqing Palace from the afternoon until end of court next day. Later, Eighth, Ninth, and Tenth went to beg for mercy and knelt together. The other elder brothers also went to beg mercy. The live long lord finally spoke and asked Fourteenth to get up, and forgave my sister. When we went to find you, you were already lying in the rain, unconscious and cold. We were so scared…!”

I interrupted in disbelief, “Fourteenth knelt in the rain for a whole day and night?”

Yutan nodded vigorously.

“Is he okay?” I asked quickly.

“Fourteenth is a martial artist, so his physique is better than an ordinary person’s, but he wasn’t as strong as my sister. He was kneeling for a long time, I heard he was a little uncomfortable. I guess he is almost well now.” Yutan said.

I was in a daze for a while. Yutan put down the bowl and chopsticks and said, “The imperial physician had told me that you had been hungry for a long time. If you are sick, you should moderate your diet.”

I nodded casually, indicating I would follow her arrangements. She helped me clean and comb my hair.

“My knees hurt so much. Can you give me some hot water to apply to them?” I asked.

Yutan quickly prepared hot water and towels. “I have sent word that my sister has woken up. Doctor Li will come to see you in a while.”

“Doctor Li?” I asked in surprise. He was an old doctor who specialized in treating the emperor!

She snorted coldly and twisted her handkerchief. “Those people who were secretly gloating over other people’s misfortune are really being too enthusiastic. This was the order his majesty gave, himself. Not many people in the palace can have this honor.”

I listened to this without much joy. The heart of an emperor is must unpredictable. Favor doesn’t necessarily mean joy and punishment doesn’t necessarily mean disgust.

I was applying a massage to my legs when there was a knock on the door. Yutan quickly helped me put on my clothes and half closed the curtains before answering.

Tenth and Fourteenth came in with Doctor Li. I quickly stood to greet them, but Tenth stopped me. They moved aside to let the doctor come forward and check my pulse.

I coughed a few times and asked, “Why are Tenth and Fourteenth together with Doctor Li?”

Tenth said, “We just happened to meet at the door.” He fell silent after responding since we were in the presence of an imperial physician.

Doctor Li took my pulse for a long time. After taking my right hand, he asked me to stretch out my left. He took it for a long time with his eyes closed and then asked for my right hand again. Tenth and Fourteenth looked at each other in surprise. They both took a few steps forward asking, “What’s wrong?”

Doctor Li shook his head slightly and signaled them to be quiet. After a while he half opened his eyes and asked, “Does the young lady sleep well at night?”

I said, “Most of the time I’ve not been well, and I feel like I’ve been sleeping less and less over the past year. I wake easily with noises and it’s hard to fall asleep again.”

“What about your daily diet?” He then asked.

“I don’t eat as much as I had in the previous years. I often feel hungry, but I quickly feel full after eating a little.” I said.

While taking my pulse and inquiring about my eating habits, he finally closed his eyes to ponder.

“I heard that the young lady had a serious illness last year. It seems that she didn’t take good care of herself resulting in a qi and blood imbalance. Judging from your pulse the young lady has been worried and fearful for a long time which often damages the yang qi and qi stagnation turns into fire, which consumes the liver yin. So that the yin cannot restrain the yang and the liver, spleen, and kidneys are all damaged. This time the evil cold invaded and all five of the internal organs were damaged. And the yin…”

I became impatient and interrupted him with a smile, “Doctor Li, please don’t speak nonsense to me. I really don’t understand. Just tell me directly, is it serious? How do I treat this?”

“It is both serious and not serious. The girl is in her prime. If she takes good care of herself, she will recover within two to three years. If she doesn’t pay attention, it’s fine as she is young, but in the future…” He said slowly and trailed off.

I nodded and said, “My knees hurt so badly. When will they get better? Is there any pain killer?”

Doctor Li said, “That is arthritis. Because the wind, cold, and dampness block the blood vessels and the resulting blood blockage caused joint pain and difficulty walking in severe cases. The girl was kneeling on the bluestone ground for so long and soaked in the rain for a long time. These are the combined causes.”

I thought about it and this made sense. It was rheumatism.

He continued, “Fortunately, the girl is young and it’s not serious now. Apply plasters and take a few days to relieve it. Supplement with acupuncture and it will be fine in a few days. However, it may still hurt in cold and wet weather. This is something you will need to pay attention to from now on, otherwise it will be quite troublesome when you are older. I will go back and give the girl a detailed list on how to regulate this and what you should pay attention to.”

After saying this, he stood up and bowed to Tenth and Fourteenth to take his leave. They quickly stopped him and said politely, “Doctor Li is old, no need to pay respect.” Doctor Li smiled and thanked them. He motion for Yutan to follow him and get the medicine. Yutan also bowed and followed him out.

Fourteenth approached the bed and stared at me for a long time and then said, “Have you been worrying about your fear for a long time? What on earth are you thinking about all day long?”

I smiled and said, “The imperial physician said that if I take good care of myself, I can get well. It’s not a big deal. Thank you very much for this.”

“What is there to thank for? I owe you two favors for what happened on the grassland. Which one was not more risky than this?”

Tenth pulled a stool and sat down. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve been worried and fearful for a long time. If it wasn’t for Doctor Li’s diagnosis, I would have called him a quack, talking nonsense, and exaggerating.”

I glanced at him angrily and just as I tried to change the subject, he pulled me back. I had no choice but to say perfunctorily, “This was not for the crown prince and Thirteenth’s business!”

Fourteenth snorted coldly, “Doctor Li was talking about long term. The longest is no more than half a year. How can you develop a chronic illness without three to five years?”

Speaking of Thirteenth made me feel uncomfortable again. I didn’t want to say anything more and stared at the ground depressed.

Fourteenth waited for a while, and seeing that I was sitting there with my head down, scolded me angrily. “You have this bad habit! You keep everything to yourself. Even when I ask you questions, you will change the subject or just remain silent.”

Tenth patted the table. “Okay. She’s still sick! If she doesn’t want to talk, forget it. The more you force her, the more annoyed she will be. But you should be happy today. Fourteenth has already done what you wanted to do.”

“Ah!” I exclaimed and looked at Fourteenth, but he turned his face away and ignored me.

Tenth said, “The emperor has allowed Lu Wu to be a maid, but her name and origin had to be changed. Fourteenth has ordered a housekeeper in the mansion to adopt her as a daughter and send her to Yangfeng Alley in a few days and tell outsiders that she is from Fourteenth’s mansion.”

I was so overjoyed I was speechless. I stood quickly and kowtowed to Fourteenth. I had kowtowed once and wanted to kowtow again, but Fourteenth held me back and said, “I’m not doing this for you to kowtow to me.” He placed a cushion back and had me lean back.

I leaned against the cushion, feeling both happy and sad at the same time. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes and I quickly wiped them away with a handkerchief. Tenth and Fourteenth turned their eyes away and the room fell silent. I calmed down after a long while.

Tenth said, “Eighth was afraid I would get into trouble, so he kept it a secret from me and didn’t let me know of your affairs. Fourteenth did what he wanted as a result. Otherwise, if I had gone with Fourteenth to beg together, he wouldn’t have had to kneel for so long.”

“It’s not the case. The more people there are, the more sympathetic the emperor will be.” Fourteenth said.

“How did you beg the emperor?” I asked.

Fourteenth smiled, “I didn’t mention you. I just pleaded for Thirteenth and told him in detail about the misery of beekeeping. I also said that although Thirteenth had made a big mistake and violated brotherly love, he had lost his mother at a young age and was more attached to the emperor. I picked out some things that Thirteenth had done in the past to be filial to the emperor. I said that the emperor’s punishment of him was the law of the country and etiquette between a monarch and his subjects. I asked the emperor to allow Lu Wu to be a maid so that Thirteenth would have someone to talk to. It was all about father- son love.”

I sighed in my heart. What kind of grudge was this? They were the ones who sent the person in, but now this matter resolved by them. The three of us were silent. Yutan came in with the medicine and greeted us. Tenth and Fourteenth went to leave, but I stopped them.

“Wait a moment. I would have to trouble the two young masters.” I signaled Yutan to put the medicine aside and took out a key from under my mattress. I asked Yutan to take out the three mahogany boxes. She placed them on the table

“Open all of them.”

She opened the boxes and suddenly it was filled with jewels and precious stones. I glanced at the open courtyard door and nodded to Yutan who quickly shut it.

Tenth and Fourteenth looked at each other in surprise and Tenth sighed. “You are such a rich man.”

“I’ve been in the palace for seven years. These are the rewards from the emperor and the concubines over the years. There are also some silver notes underneath, which are the savings of the past few years. I can take these things with me when I am released from the palace. I have asked Li Shuda a few days ago and he allowed me to send them out of the palace first. I would like to trouble you two to send these to Thirteenth’s residence and give them to Lady Zhaojia.”

“These are your all private money! How can you give it all away?” Tenth asked.

“Thirteenth’s manor has always relied on Thirteenth’s salary and there is no income from the farm. He never spends his mind on these mundane things, so it wasn’t well off to begin with. Now he is stripped of his title and imprisoned. He has lost his financial resources, and there are more than a hundred mouths to feed in the family. And even if there is some money, it can’t stand that all the money going without money, so that he would suffer less grievance and less anger. I am alone deep in the palace, these are just sitting idly in a box. It is better to take them out and put them to use.” I said.

Fourteenth was silent a while and then said, “How about this? You keep one box for yourself and we’ll take the other two boxes away?”

“I still have some! I kept everything my father and sister gave me and I’ve kept some silver too!” I said.

“Just do as I say, otherwise I won’t be in charge of this matter.” Fourteenth said.

I looked at Tenth and he said, “I’ll listen to Fourteenth on this.” “That’s it!” I said helplessly.

“Anyway, I’ve pleaded for Thirteenth in front of the emperor. I have had suspicions for a long time. It doesn’t make a difference if it is one or two things. I will try my best to take care of everything for Thirteenth in the future so that they won’t be bullied by those snobbish people. You don’t have to worry about the money anymore. What you have is enough for a while. I will take care of the rest. In a few years when the little princes are old enough to work, everything will be fine.” Fourteenth said.

Tenth also said, “I’m not afraid either. First, Thirteenth and I have always had different personalities and we seldom interacted. Second, I am a rough man and the emperor won’t suspect that I have any improper thoughts. Fourteenth and I will take care of them and not let anyone bully them.”

I was filled with mixed feeling and was silent for a moment. I felt like I had a lot to say, but it was stuck in my chest. When it got to my lips, the only thing I could say was “thank you.”

They both smiled at me and took the two boxes.

“These are top quality goods. No wonder the emperor always said you had collected the good things. She doesn’t look like an ordinary person and she has a way of making money! Logically, she should be able to talk to Ninth. But why do you hate each other?” Tenth said.

I quickly responded, “Who said I was annoyed by Ninth? I don’t have the courage. Does Ninth hate me?”

Fourteenth tilted his head and smiled without saying anything. Tenth smiled and said, “If you don’t, then don’t. Just treat it as nonsense.” They turned to leave after that.

Yutan came in and packed up my things and handed me the key back. She then helped me take the medicine. After rinsing my mouth out with water, she handed me the list written by Doctor Li. I read it carefully.

The matters to pay attention to were not difficult to deal with, but it was not easy to be at ease and avoid worry. If I could really let go of these people and things, why would it come to this? I couldn’t help but sigh and smile bitterly. I folded the list and stuffed it under a pillow.

Yutan brought me some rock sugar and pear water. I asked to the put it on the small table while I drank it. She sat beside me and waited until I finished. She cleaned up the bowls and spoons while saying, “Eunuch Wang was punished by Li An-Da with twenty strokes of a cane.”

“What’s the matter?” I frowned and asked.

“I’m not sure of the details, but it seems like from something I shouldn’t have said, concerning my sister’s matter.”

I thought to myself, I have really implicated him. After half a day of hard work I was extremely tired and distracted. So I asked Yutan to go see Wangxi on my behalf while I lay to rest.

The pain in my legs gradually eased after several days. Although I was still sick, I could walk. I asked Yutan to help me go see Wangxi. When I went in, Wangxi was lying on the bed. When he saw us coming he quickly moved to get up saying, “My sister is sick! You could have sent Yutan. Why did you come here yourself? I cannot afford this.”

I quickly said, “Just lay down properly. Do we still need to pay attention to these empty formalities?”

Hearing this he lay back down again. Yutan brought a stool and helped me sit down. She left and closed the door. I turned my head and coughed a few times and then asked, “How is your injury?”

Wangxi said, “It’s okay. It’s just itchy, but I can scratch it, so I feel anxious.”

I nodded and said, “Be patient. The itch will just cause new flesh to grow.”

He smiled and agreed.

I was silent a while and then asked, “What’s going on?”

Wangxi waved his hand, motioning for me to come closer. He lowered his voice and said, “I won’t hide this from you, sister. But you should keep this to yourself. Don’t tell anyone else. My master allowed me to leak the secret, but also ordered me to be beaten.”

I was shocked and stared at Wangxi. He nodded vigorously indicating what he said was absolutely true. I was thinking about the cause and effect, and I started coughing again.

“Sister, please go back! I am also sick, don’t worry too much.” Wangxi said.

“I’m sorry for causing you trouble this time.” I said, nodding.

He laughed and said, “That’s too polite! My sister takes good care of me every day!” He then called out for Yutan. She pushed open the door and supported me in our walk back.

Not long after entering our door, someone came to Yutan and said the number of tea leaves she had recorded was incorrect. Yutan left to quickly follow him.

I leaned on the couch and pondered Wangxi’s words. “My master allowed me to leak the secret,” which meant that Kangxi allowed it. But why would he do that? Why did he let all the brothers know that I was being punished? Before I could figure it out, I heard the courtyard door creaking followed by two knocks.

“The door is not closed.” I called. My throat felt uncomfortable after and I started coughing again. Someone came to help gently massage my back. I looked up and saw Fourth standing by the couch. When I saw that I had stopped coughing, he straightened up and watched me silently. No trace of emotion in his dark eyes.

I was filled with grief. It finally came! We stared at each other for a long while. He turned around and walked to the table and opened the window. He stayed motionless with his back to me.

“I can’t ask the emperor to marry you.” He said slowly after a long pause.

I closed my eyes tightly and covered my chest, falling back against the pillow. After Thirteenth was imprisoned I had guessed he might say so. But hearing him say it, I still felt a thousand arrows piercing my heart.

“Whether you hate me or resent me, I am sorry for you. With the love that emperor father has for you, he will definitely find you a good marriage.” He said and started walking away. Before leaving, he paused. “Thank you for everything you have done for me, for Thirteenth.” He didn’t turn his head.

I lay there without moving, only hearing his footsteps fade away. Only the lonely and cold room was left and my tears dripped down onto my pillow.

“Sister?” Yutan timidly called out. She stood beside the couch. I quickly wiped away the tears and forced a smile, but the tears rolled down my cheeks again.

I wiped them away repeatedly but eventually gave up and cried with my head in my arms. Yutan sat beside me quietly. I cried for a long time before the tears gradually stopped.

I coughed and asked, “Yutan, why do you think women are always sacrificed? The strangest thing is that we don’t have the slightest complaint. Is it worth it?”

Yutan was silent for a long while. She then said quietly, “My father passed away when I was seven years old. Although our family wasn’t rich we had enough food and clothes. When my father fell ill we pawned everything we could to buy medicine. But he didn’t get any better. My mother cried every day and my brothers and sisters were still young and didn’t understand many things. I was so scared my father would abandon us. I heard that if you cut off your own flesh to cure your relatives, your sincerity and filial piety would move the bodhisattva and cure your relative’s illnesses. I secretly cut some flesh from my arm and boiled it in the medicine without telling my father or mother, but my father still passed away.”

I looked at Yutan’s calm face in shock. She smiled and continued, “People say that a long-term illness will lead to no filial sons, but I only know that a long-term poverty will lead to no relatives. After my father had passed, my mother washed clothes for others from morning to night and I did needlework for others, but the whole family could only eat half their fill. Later, because my mother often cried and her eyesight wasn’t good, she wanted to hide it from me. She pretended to be able to see even though she could not. We didn’t want her to be sad so we played along with her.”

I reached out and held her hand. Yutan went on. “I worked hard every day, but I still didn’t have the money to pay for my mother’s medical treatment. My younger brother fell ill because he didn’t have enough food for a long time. That winter was unusually cold. The accumulated snow had not melted yet and new snow fell. The snow on the ground was three or four inches thick. I wore a single pair of shoes and a thin coat that my mother wore when she was young and went to various relatives to borrow money. The mean ones even closed the doors immediately when they saw me. The ones who were a little better told me how hard this winter was before I even opened my mouth. I ran in the heavy snow all day but didn’t borrow a penny. I was cold, hungry and scared. It was already dark, but I didn’t dare go home. My mother’s illness and my brother’s illness, I was so afraid that they would leave me like father. I wandered around aimlessly outside and because I was absentminded I actually bumped into a carriage. The driver raised his whip was about to whip me.”

Although I knew Yutan was still sitting in front of me, I still tightened my grip. “What happened next?”

Yutan lowered her head and was silent for a while and then smiled at me. “Then the young master in the carriage stopped him and said ‘She’s just a little girl, so just bump into her!’ He also scolded the driver for not paying attention and rushing to find someone to blame when something happened. After that, he lowered the curtain and let the driver drive away, but I actually rushed forward to stop the carriage and knelt down to beg him to give me some money. I don’t even know why I was so bold at that time. Maybe it was because he spoke in the calmest, most pleasant way I had ever heard. Although he was scolding people, he didn’t have a trace of anger. Or maybe it was because I thought him a very rich man and that if he gave me some alms I could keep my mother and brother.

Seeing Yutan’s genuine warm smile, I knew she had gotten what she wanted, but I still was anxiously asking myself ‘and then?’

She smiled and looked at me. “The driver cursed ‘You really don’t know how to live or die. Do you know whose carriage you stopped?’ But the young man laughed from inside and lifted the curtain again and saw me kneeling in the snow and said, ‘Since I was a child, this is the first time someone dares to ask me for money so directly. Tell me, why should I give you money for no reason?’” She lowered her head and smiled.

“What did you say?” I shook her hand and asked.

Yutan said, “I said, ‘I want to treat my mother and my brother.’ ‘I don’t run a charity, so what does it have to do with me that they are sick?’ He said. I said, ‘If you can give me some money, I am willing to be your slave for the rest of my life.’ He said, ‘My family may be short on many things but there are many slaves and servants.’ I begged, ‘I am very capable and can do many things. Even if I can’t do it, I can learn it.’ He laughed and said, ‘There are many capable people who can help me do things.’ After that he lowered the curtain and told the driver to go. I was full of despair at that time, thinking that the carriage was leaving and taking away my mother and brother with it. Suddenly I got angry and ran forward to grab the rafters of the carriage to prevent them from leaving. The driver was furious and kept whipping me, but I refused to let go. When I was dragged a long distance by the carriage the young man suddenly shouted, “Stop! Stop the cart!” He leaned out of the carriage and looked at me. I was dragging my body in the snow with my hands still holding the carriage handle. He nodded and asked ‘How old are you?’ I replied, ‘Eight years old’. He smiled and said, ‘Good girl, here is your silver.’ He handed me a silver note after that. I took it in disbelief. Although I had never used a silver note, I knew that any silver note must have a lot of money. I kowtowed to him quickly. He pondered for a moment and then told his driver ‘Give her the silver you have on you.’ The driver quickly took out some silver and gave it to me. There was more than twenty taels total, enough for a whole family to eat for a year or two. I quickly handed the silver note back to him and he said, ‘The banknote is for you and the silver is also for you. You will definitely be in a hurry to go see a doctor later, but it’s already dark and the banknote is of such a large denomination. I’m afraid you won’t be able to find a place to exchange it for a while.’ I thought that what he had said made sense, so I kowtowed again and took the banknote and the silver. He praised me for being quick and efficient. After that he sat back and ordered the driver to go. I turned around and ran when he suddenly shouted at me to come back. I turned back quickly and he threw a cloak from the carriage onto the snow. ‘Wrap this around you.’ Only then did I realize that my clothes had been torn by the whip.”

Yutan was lost in thought, as if she was still in that icy snowy place. I nudged her gently. “What happened next?”

Yutan was stunned for a moment. “There was no later. I have never seen that young man since then. The amount of money he had given me was very large. In addition, after my mother recovered from her illness, she continued to wash clothes and my sisters and I did needlework, which supported us until I got into the palace.”

“You only met once.” I said regretfully.

Yutan said faintly, “I was young at the time and had no idea where to ask. Later, when I entered the palace I couldn’t see outsiders.” She held my hand tightly and said, “Sister, whether everything is worth it or not depends on yourself. Only then could I understand. Many of my girlfriends now have many children around them. They think I am very pitiful, but I don’t think so. I just wanted my mother to not be immersed in cold water to wash clothes every day. I no longer have to worry about food and clothes. I can afford to see a doctor when sick and my brothers have all gone to school. I feel that my decisions back then were right. Everything I had done, worth it. Even if I had to choose again, I would. Still willing.”

With tears in my eyes, I murmured, “Whether it was worth it or not is only known to myself. From now on, I have to. You and I will be companions.” My tears fell as I finished speaking.

“Sister, don’t talk nonsense! The emperor will definitely find you a good marriage!” She smiled and said.

I smiled bitterly and left it to fate. I had used up the last of my strength and didn’t want to fight it anymore. I am too tired!

The disease was gradually getting better, but a sudden fever in the evening came. Yutan was so anxious that she held my hand and just cried. I thought vaguely that it was good like this. The fever made me confused and I didn’t feel the heartache. In the dreamlike state, there seemed to be a pair of dark cold eyes staring at me, making me feel that my heart and brain were full of stabbing pain. I tried to shake it off but it was still there. The pain was unbearable and I could only sob and cry. I felt like I would fall asleep forever and there would be no pain. There seemed to be a completely dark and quiet place not far ahead where I could rest completely.

Yutan seemed to be humming a ballad in my ear, over and over again, without stopping. It dragged me, not allowing me to fall asleep completely. The sound of ‘sister’ kept my consciousness from falling into that completely dark place.

When I opened my eyes Yutan was crying with joy, her tears fell on my face. My fever had subsided, but Yutan had lost weight and her voice was hoarse. She could only use gestures to talk to me. Thinking of her singing by my bed all night long, calling me sister all the time, I suddenly hated myself. I was sick in the palace and my sister would never be better off than me. I still have Yutan and my sister. How could I be like this?!

My illness gradually improved, but I was still too lazy to move. I spent most of the day lying in bed playing with a snuff bottle in my hands. There was either a smile or a sob on my face and I was in a daze.

Yutan pushed open the door and walked in. She sat on the side of the bed and said, “The emperor has detained the prince.”

I hummed and didn’t respond further.

She continued, “The emperor summoned all the elder brothers and said, ‘After restoring the crown prince Yinchu, he wasn’t cured of his madness and lost the support of the people. He definitely wasn’t a person who could be entrusted to carry out the work of his ancestors, so he was detained and guarded.’ My sister didn’t see the scene at that time. It was so scary! All the brothers had been stripped and their hands tied. Although the emperor looked gentle and had a smile on his face, his tone was extremely cold.”

I sighed softly and Yutan asked, “Why are you sighing, sister? I thought you would be happy to hear that?”

“When the ministry of justice investigated the “Drinking Party Case” and the “Hutan and Heshuo Case of Extorting Silver” this outcome was already determined, it was just a matter of time. Besides, my fate might be worse than his one day. What should I be happy about?” I said.

Yutan was shocked, “Sister is speaking nonsense again!”

I smiled and said nothing more. What is impossible in this palace?

By the time I had recovered from my illness, it was already October. On the surface, the turmoil of the deposed second prince had calmed down, a bigger struggle had just begun.

Fourth gradually withdrew from affairs of court and behaved more low key, and really started to live the simple idle life. He called himself a ‘worldly layman’ and spent whole days discussing scriptures with monks and taoists in his manor. He only went to the palace to greet Kangxi every day and rarely discussed state affairs.

When we occasionally met, his face was calm and peaceful. I smiled and greeted him never saying much, as if nothing had happened between us, and he was always the cold prince Yong. Only the pain in my heart kept reminding me. No, no, no! I suppressed the pain and warned myself. Nothing had happened.

One day he had come to pay his respects to Kangxi. When I went in to serve tea, he stood beside Kangxi displaying his paintings for him. I had just put the tea down and intended to leave when Kangxi smiled and said, “Ruoxi, come and take a look too.” I agreed and went to his side to look.

“Did you see anything?” He asked.

I tried to hide the bitterness in my heart and said with a smile, “Isn’t the man driving the ox to plow the field Fourth? And the one standing by the ridge is Fourth’s Lady!”

“What else?” Kangxi asked still smiling.

I understood in my heart but continued with a smile, “I can’t see anything else at the moment, but, I think the picture was well drawn, but the most valuable is the meaning.”

Kangxi turned his head and told Li Dequan, “Find the Southern Song Dynasty Lou Chou’s “Pictures of Farming and Weaving” that was printed two years ago.”

Li Dequan quickly gave the order. Not long after, a eunuch came in with the painting. Li Dequan took it and slowly unfolded it on the table. The two pictures were exactly the same except for the appearance of the characters.

I slapped my forehead and said, “I deserve to be beaten! I follow his majesty every day, but I’m so careless that I didn’t even think of the painting he likes!”

Kangxi looked at Fourth approvingly and smiled, saying nothing. He lowered his head and studied the two paintings carefully. Fourth’s eyes swept across my face. I stood quietly with a faint smile on my face. Kangxi carefully read the poem written by Fourth under the painting and nodded.

‘Food is the first priority of the people and agriculture is the first priority for food.’ Every spring I offer sacrifices to the gods of agriculture on the alter and personally guide planting of the imperial fields. I often emphasize to the officials in court that I hope they would pay attention to farming. It is the foundation of the country! Fourth bowed his head and replied, “I followed the example of my father and opened up a few plots of land in the old Summer Palace to experience the joys and hardships of farming firsthand.”

Kangxi nodded and said, “Tell me, where does happiness come from? Where does suffering come from?”

“Rural life is free and easy, not only does it make you feel relaxed, but it also reduces the worry of gain and loss. Compared with the heart, people become open-minded, and the body is also stretched and healthier when farming. These days, I am more happier when I harvested the fruits I planted with my own hands. I have already felt the hardship of planting a few plots. Today, I am afraid that the sun will be too strong and tomorrow I am worried about too much rain. Thinking of the common people working hard all year round exposed to wind and sun, if there is drought or flood, there may be no harvest and I can’t help but sigh.” Fourth replied.

Kangxi nodded and didn’t say anything. I bowed to Kangxi and quietly withdrew. He is now more and more secretive. He carefully observes Kangxi intention in everything and is extremely filial and never disobeys. Kangxi’s suspicion of him must not have disappeared, but in the long run, water dripped through stone. As long as nothing goes wrong, it is only a matter of time before he completely lets go. Even if Eighth wants to deal with him, he will definitely not find any fault.

But Eighth is trying to hide his edge. On the one hand, he is still interacting with the ministers of the court, and on the other, he told the ministers to not recommend him as the crown prince anymore. Otherwise he would ‘prefer to stay in bed’. Kangxi was very disgusted when he heard this and immediately reprimanded him.

“You are just a Bei’le. Why do you make such outrageous statements to test me? He also was very arrogant and didn’t know who I am. As a Bei’le, he had such an outrageous idea to test me and make such presumptuous statements, isn’t this a great treachery and evil?’

His careless behavior further deepened Kangxi’s dislike of him since the abolishment of the crown prince.

Sometimes I’m confused. He, Ninth, and Fourteenth are extremely smart people and they have many councilors around them. Why did they do something to anger Kangxi? Thinking about it carefully, I felt that Kangxi was afraid of him. A prince who formed a clique already made Kangxi extremely disgusted, but he was famous for making friends with court officials, so no matter what he did, it was wrong in Kangxi’s eyes.

When he came in, Kangxi scolded him for having unrealistic expectations and when he left, he was scolded for having a tentative heart. Unless he could learn from Fourth and completely change his behavior and distance himself from officials it would be possible to change Kangxi’s attitude towards him. But he has worked hard for so many years, how could he just give it up? Moreover, everyone has different personalities so it was indeed impossible for him to learn from Fourth’s calm and detached attitude, otherwise he would not be the “Eighth Wise King” who respects the wise and humble.

It seems the biggest beneficiary after the dethronement of the crown prince was actually Fourteenth. Fourth lived in seclusion and rarely asked about state affairs, Eighth was disliked by Kangxi and not trusted by him; only Fourteenth, who was punished to kneel because of Thirteenth’s matter, was unexpectedly treated differently by Kangxi afterwards. He often entrusted him to handle state affairs alone and often was summoned in private to accompany Kangxi.

[rivalishq]

MR. MOE (NPC)

Full name: Benjamin Moe

Age: 65

Gender: Cis man

Pronouns: he/him

Alignment: Neutral good

Mutant class: Mimic

FC: Willem Dafoe

BACKGROUND.

Mr. Moe’s mutant abilities did not appear until much later than is typical. He was in his late twenties and working as a high school Biology and Chemistry teacher when his transformation began. He attempted to control his transformations by himself for a few years, but eventually he had to go on the run because the government discovered his true identity. He took refuge with The Headmaster, and together they worked to fulfil Harold’s dream of The Oculus Academy.  For nearly two decades, Mr. Moe was one of the teachers at The Oculus Academy and Harold’s right hand man. 

STATS.

INTELLIGENCE:   ▮▮▮▮▯▯▯   

STRENGTH:   ▮▮▮▯▯▯▯   

SPEED:   ▮▮▮▮▮▯▯   

DURABILITY:    ▮▮▯▯▯▯▯   

ENERGY PROJECTION:   ▮▯▯▯▯▯▯   

FIGHTING SKILLS:    ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯  

POWERS.

His mutation caused him to transform into a beastial creature whenever his emotions got out of control. The creature was extremely dangerous: fast, strong, and bearing long claws and sharp teeth. He was often compared to a werewolf. His hulking stature and glowing eyes struck fear into anyone who saw him, and he was virtually unkillable due to sheer size and a rage-fueled resistance to pain. The most common triggers for transformation were grief and anger, but he was in very good control of his powers by the time any students joined the academy. In a way, he was The Headmaster’s first unofficial student. He uses his powers for demonstration and self-defense now.

PERSONALITY.

Mr. Moe is the softer and more empathetic counterpart to Harold. He served as counselor and teacher to the children, but seemed more like a fun-uncle. He always listened to them and gave them the opportunities to have fun with their powers. He was extremely well-loved by the students. He is quite self-deprecating and doesn’t mind jokes being made at his expense. He’s humble and affable; recognizing the ironic duality in his temperament that separates him from his monstrous counterpart.  

CONNECTIONS.

GORGON - Mr. Moe only ever met Gorgon in passing and most of what he knows about Gorgon is from what he could pry out of Harold. Mr. Moe is smart enough to piece together that there is more to the story than Harold ever felt comfortable divulging and Mr. Moe, while curious, never overstepped boundaries. So his dislike for Gorgon is purely professional. Mr. Moe doesn’t agree with Gorgon or their methods, but he would be kind and respectful if the two were to ever properly meet. 

THE HEADMASTER - Harold and Mr. Moe were best friends for all of their adult life. While they never shared much with each other about their personal lives, the two would often have long conversations about philosophy, literature, history, and politics. They got along very well and Mr. Moe was glad to have someone in his life that didn’t fear him or treat him like a wild animal. Harold helped Mr. Moe achieve control, and it was in large part due tot he amount of dignity Harold treated Mr. Moe with. The only time Mr. Moe in the past twenty years that he has slipped and unintentionally transformed was upon hearing of Harold’s passing. Now, Mr. Moe is lost in grief and shame. 

BLOODHOUND - Bloodhound is something of a mystery to Mr. Moe. She is a rumor that Mr. Moe heard whispers of but never fully believed. Mr. Moe both fears and admires the idea of a mutant who can track down other mutants. And Mr. Moe understands that if those abilities ever fell into the wrong hands they could be used to catastrophic ends. More than anything, Mr. Moe hopes that Bloodhound remains a distant figure in his life, because he worries that misfortune follows this woman. 

THIS CHARACTER IS CURRENTLY A NPC. THEY ARE WRITTEN BY THE ADMIN TEAM.    

[shatteredeternity]

[i know this may not make sense, but i'd still like to share it since i thought it sounded cool]

cw // yandere themes, implied sexual intercourse, unfaithfulness, manipulation, minors dni

YANDERE GENSHIN IMPACT 'SOULMATE' AU wherein 'soulmates' (which was basically two or more people assigned to be together) were established by celestia for convenience (i'm not quite sure how it's convenient yet, though) and was viewed as one of the most important things in society ever since it was initiated. however, there were some cases, some rare cases where someone ended up having the misfortune to not get assigned one. perhaps it was fate, a punishment, a mistake, even. (but no one dared to say that aloud without getting a dirty look from the people who heard them say such a thing)

unfortunately, you were one of the rare cases. you have no one on the other end of your red string, no timer counting down to when you finally meet your significant other, no ink appearing on your arm stating what your significant other was thinking. because of this, you were pitied. always hearing the words 'i'm sorry for that', 'i'm sorry to hear that' upon first meeting.

'they're just stupid.' 'soulmates are useless, anyway!' you'd try telling yourself, attempting to distract from the shitty feeling that resulted every time those words were uttered to you. though, as much as you hated them, you couldn't really blame them, could you? after all, the idea of soulmates was planted in a child's mind as soon as they could do so much as speak. it was an ugly unbreakable cycle that repeated itself from generation to generation. but as said... you really couldn't blame someone for something they were taught to think, right..?

eventually, their words got to you. the want and need for a soulmate festering from the desperation of wanting to be viewed as pathetic anymore, and what could be described as the feeling of an empty void blooming in your chest. you started to crave romance. you craved intimacy. you craved to be held the way lovers do. you craved to be looked at the way lovers do. you craved to be touched the way lovers do.

it became too much for you. the thoughts, the wants, the needs-- it was overwhelming. you needed it and you were getting tired of sitting in a corner with your thoughts and you needed the very thing you were deprived of. it was impossible, but your thoughts were eating away at your very being like an invasive species. if you couldn't get what you wanted, you could always seek for the closest thing to it.

intimacy and the touch of another. not the one lovers shared-- god, you wish. sex and the act of alluring others, to put it simply. you knew it was wrong, but push came to shove, and you had to think for yourself. and hey, if anyone else were in your position, they'd do the same, right? plus, there are plenty of people unsatisfied with the person they were tied to be with; harboring intent similar to yours (but not really, at the same time). you'd only be doing a favor for both parties, right?

you do end up getting what you want, ultimately. waking up in unfamiliar beds, going on dates, etc. it wasn't the real deal, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. though, the more you went on with this, infamy soon followed. it was... to be expected, to say the least, but it didn't stop you. even before all this, you were already an outcast, and all it did was change the looks people gave you from pity and feigned empathy to disgust and revolt.

however, after getting in bed and drawing in the wrong crowd, you soon get a taste of what you sought for. love. but...something didn't feel right about it. it felt suffocating-- like you were an addiction one could not rid oneself of no matter how hard they tried.

to say you were uneased was an understatement. you felt cramped, trapped, as though you were a bird in a cage, desolate as you tried looking for a way out.

but, you did want this, right? you craved this kind of affection you thought was out of your reach, and now, you finally achieved what you had originally thought was impossible, so why did it feel so wrong? maybe it was because you weren't used to it, surely, you'll come to your senses eventually. all you should do now is to bite back your tears and endure it, since everything good has a catch, doesn't it?

yet, why is it that you feel so close, yet so far to what you wanted?

a/n - first post on tumblr, yay!!! i heavily apologize if this isn't that good, i just wanted to write about this since it's been plaguing my mind for a week now aha. (not proofread btw)