#both beautifully directed AND still fully accurate for in game

[victoryrifle]

HELL LET LOOSE - Official Falling Dark Update Trailer

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great. 

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

[iain-games-firstperson]

Environment research

Genshin Impact: I know very little about Genshin Impact, but from what I can see, the environments look like they were designed to look and feel like a fantasy European city, along with grassy plateaus and forested areas highly reminiscent of Breath of the Wild. This could lend itself to a feeling of freedom and openness which, depending on the style of game they were going for, could really aid with a sense of freedom and being on an adventure. Without having played the game myself, it’s hard to say for sure. I’ll definitely give it a try go, given that it’s free and reviewed pretty well.

Anthem: I personally really dislike the level design in Anthem, and actually Anthem in general. It feels like EA took Bioware, looked at what they were good at and then forced them to make the exact opposite. Everything takes place in one big, empty open world. The world itself is pretty beautifully designed, but you’re never really looking at it. The actual game is just following one glowing yellow icon through the big environment, eyes locked on the next checkpoint. The terrain feels underutilised and thoughtless. There are roads and empty buildings with no thought put into who would be going to them or why. The world doesn’t feel like a living world for the player to explore, it feels like the questing area in an overhyped and underwhelming online looter shooter, which is really disappointing given what the game could have been.

GTA V: The level design in Grand Theft Auto is a little difficult for me to talk about because I’ll quickly get derailed talking about the open world or how the company has an outdated design formula. However, if talking exclusively about the closed ended missions, the environments used in those (outside of commuting to missions in the open world) are curated specifically to railroad players through a specifically curated experience. The environments are tightly focussed and beautifully hand crafted, ending up feeling rich with detail and deliberately believable. I still physically wince whenever I think about the enormous amount of work that must have gone into so much of this game. The environments in the open world, however, can feel a little lacking at times, with large swathes of the map that are hardly used for anything at all, and although they do make the world feel big, it also just serves to put a commute between interesting areas on the map. However, some people would argue that that’s not the point, and the more space there is on the map, the more room you have to incite chaos and make the lives of the NPC’s hell. I would be loathed to argue with that because it sounds about right. I will always say that the minimap and yellow/purple line telling you exactly where to go at all times isn’t great though, as it takes the player out of the immersion, and makes a lot of the finer details in the world disappointingly easy to miss out on.

Subnautica: The environment in Subnautica is excellent for encouraging the player to explore. Most of the game is driven by player curiosity and wanting to conquer the hostile planet they find themselves on, almost out of spite towards it’s sheer hostility. The map isn’t randomly generated, so none of it is ever wasted. Everything has a purpose and something for the player to gain. Generally, the further out you explore from the starting zone, the rarer the resources you discover are. This incentivises progression on the player’s part, because they have to push further out in order to get the next cool bit of tech. This also ties nicely into the games progression, but I won’t talk about that here. The exploration element is also aided by the lack of an in game map, encouraging the player to learn the layout of the world in order to be able to get around. There are pings that get added to your HUD, which are used to push the player in the right direction, or lead them to the next clue in the mystery, but you never get pings about resources or blueprints, so you have to choose to explore and look around to find them. 

Firewatch: Firewatch uses a semi-realistic approach to it’s exploration. You are given a destination by Delilah, and you have to use your map, compass and signs on the trails to find your way there. This is a lot less exploration based, but that works because Firewatch is a very story focussed game. The game does very well at using foliage and lighting to make it clear where the player is supposed to go without holding the player’s hand or coddling them, so when you find your way to somewhere correctly, you do feel like you have successfully read a map and traversed somewhere accurately, which is pretty satisfying, and shows a fair bit of restraint on the part of the developer. 

It’s very easy for developers to worry that the player won’t be able to find their way around and add a bunch of markers and tutorials every step of the way, but both Subnautica and Firewatch are pretty good at just letting the player go and having confidence in them. As a result, these games were a small, but noteworthy influence on me in this project, as I really want to do things like this in my games. I want to strive towards giving the player a genuine feeling of achievement, of having overcome something simple, but tricky, such as reading a map and compass with nothing but landmarks, or choosing to step into a new, scary area and overcoming a fear. The feeling I was hoping to achieve with the first person project was a feeling of having solved a problem with deductive reasoning, but I don’t think I had enough time to fully carry through on that. 

My personal favourite environment I’ve ever experienced in a video game was in Dark Souls. Dark Souls’ world design and cohesion are legendary, and for good reason too. There’s nothing quite like the feeling when you first emerge, blinking at the sunlight, from Blighttown, turn left and take the lift down to the New Londo ruins, and realise you’re at the bottom of another elevator which takes you back up to Firelink Shrine, and after hours of slogging through The Gutter and trying to just get passed those god damn poison dart spitting guys in Blighttown, you’re finally safe. It’s a wonderful feeling, and one of the first times you realise just how truly interwoven the world is. I remember being utterly dumbfounded when I finally beat Havel the Rock, opened the door that he was guarding and stepped out into Darkroot Basin. My favourite thing about Dark Souls’ environments, and this carries through the sequels and Bloodborne, is the way the worlds feel so incredibly correct. It never seems like a stretch to believe that this giant, gleaming palace would house two gatekeepers who would have smashed me into smithereens if I hadn’t stolen one of the weapons the guards were wielding. Yet, it somehow still maintains this painfully oppressive atmosphere of near torture at times. Dark Souls relishes in futility. It will beat you into a tiny, squishable pulp, and you feel it in the environment. It always seems to be when you’re having trouble with a boss that the grunt enemies you have to avoid as a formality on the way get super strong and just start pummelling you, and frustration hits you hard. It’s almost like the game knows. Almost. But then, just as you hit rock bottom, almost ready to give up and go play something else, you finally overcome that challenge. You land that final blow, you swing that perfect parry, or you perfectly time that dodge roll, and it’s all you needed to overcome that obstacle. Once again you’re on top of the world, and the environment has opened up behind the boss to mirror your feelings. You’re on top of the world, so here’s a whole new section of world for you to conquer, but just before you go down there, here’s a shortcut back to your previous bonfire. “Oh that’s where I am!“ You say excitedly, and hurriedly spend your souls so as not to lose them, Dark Souls’ environment amazed me, not only because of they way it twisted and interconnected together, but also in the way that it managed to subtly mirror my own feelings.

[ryewi]

Trip Down Our Memory Lane - pjm

Summary: As if compiling clips from different points of your friendship in a short video wasn’t a good enough rollercoaster of emotions, you decided that after leading the man of your dreams through nearly twenty years of footage, a confession seemed like a perfect way to end it.

Genre: Best friends to lovers!au , F L U F F

Words: 3k

Warnings: none!

Early A/N: The summary bloody sucks but I don’t even know how to summarize this,,, help

Planning and implementation of amazing and innovative surprises, were always considered as your specialties. Although your friend circle and family tree weren’t huge, you took that as a chance to put additional effort and work harder to make each surprise better than the last one. Whoever was blessed to get a present from you, would turn into a gasping and astonished mess in a matter of seconds. Sometimes, they were extremely emotional, causing a few tears to fall here and there, but usually, that kind was intended only for those who you’ve known for a long time.

Today marked the 13th of October, also known as one of the most important dates throughout the whole year. It was Jimin’s day, the day of your best friend of nearly two decades. The only problem was, Jimin knew you inside and out, knew how observant you were and was often next to you during creative times. That usually led to his surprisingly accurate predictions of gifts/surprises, which frequently caused trouble with planning Jimin’s own present without being found out.

This year, you decided to do something special and amongst two other beautifully wrapped boxes, prepared a twenty-minute video. Jimin mentioned a thousand times how your regular midnight birthday texts were his most favorite part of the day. Deciding that it was time to step up your game, you created a more powerful version of a birthday, recalling-the-history-of-our-friendship, message.

“Now, miss excuse me, who are you and what did you do to my best friend?” As if on que, Jimin carelessly walked through the door, knocking a long-forgotten act between the two of you. For a quick moment, you pondered what his statement was about, when Jimin decided to bring up the answer himself. Holding up his new iPhone, he let you read a painfully short dialogue of four sentences that were exchanged between him and a person nicknamed “no.1 hypewoman ��”.

no.1 hypewoman ✌ - 09:42

⇢ Happy birthday! You free today?

You – 09:55

⇢ Hey, thanks, and uh, depends when

no.1 hypewoman ✌ - 09:57

⇢ 5pm? I’d like you to come over?

You – 10:06

⇢ Sure

Jimin was slightly taken aback to say at least, you acted distant the last few days, the last two texts that you sent were three days ago. Quick and short ‘good night xxx’ and ‘ew I’m never using x’s again’ delivered a few minutes before midnight. But it was okay, Jimin was an extremely considerate person, yet, he couldn’t help feeling slightly annoyed at the lack of communication on such a special date. Of course, you hadn’t forgotten, but such a vague message when all he was used to were paragraphs and paragraphs of adoration sent the moment the clock ticked twelve.

Surely, he could only be overreacting, but there was also a certain amount of interest lacking from your side. Or was there?

“Your best friend is right here, flesh and bones, Mr. Park” your hands ran over your body, as to emphasize the words and their effect. “Now I’d please you to move to the living room, I have something to show you”. You disappeared into your room, letting the boy seat himself on a white sofa, placed right before your television. Jimin’s eyes lit up at the indirect mention of a present, you actually had something for him, therefore your apparent lack of attentiveness was only an act. Gosh, of course that it was, you’re so naïve to your own deceiving Jimin.  

Once you came back, and the USB was safely connected with the huge screen of your new TV, you switched a couple of channels, finally finding the one connected to the detachable object. Jimin’s eyes were firmly fixed on all the colors flashing before them as your fingers fumbled with black buttons on a small television remote. He wasn’t aware of what you were doing, nor what kind of present you had for him, but he let you be, nervously anticipating whatever was to come. Finally locating the video amongst thousands of others, you pressed play and watched as all shades faded away.

Suddenly, an extremely old picture of the two of you appeared, making you smile. Just like now, Jimin’s eyes were transforming into thin lines while laughing at the sight of your beautiful face and soft, tiny hands covered in mud. You were wearing a thin summer dress that was thoroughly covered in dirt, while Jimin seemed to be entirely clean, not even a drop of mud decorating the expanse of his fancy summer set.

“I’m pretty sure that the both of us wouldn’t be able to describe what was happening if it wasn’t for our mothers that would repeat it on every single family gathering”, your voice suddenly rang throughout the room, slightly scaring Jimin. He turned to face you, still unaware that the sound wasn’t live, it was pre-recorded and put in as a continuous part of this beautiful video. Motioning for him to avert his gaze back to the TV, you smiled, noticing that he was vaguely mouthing each and every word.

“This was nearly two decades ago, when we were little kids, as obviously shown on the picture. I used to have a special hiding place in one of the playgrounds in our city, that no one really bothered to explore, hence I took it as my own prized piece of land. Until you, Park Jimin, didn’t walk in through the bushes and began arguing that it was your own space. Frankly, our argument was a casual exchange of “I’m going to tell this to my mom!” and “I got here first!”, without any action actually taking place. That’s when I decided to sit down on the ground, refusing to move from my territory and completely ignoring the fact that my bottom was positioned deep inside a puddle of mud. I tried to scratch the itchy spot on my nose, which resulted in my face becoming a muddy canvas. You were such a snake and began laughing, loud enough to draw the attention of your mother that was apparently nearby and always carried a camera around. Shortened, this is our first picture and place in which we met”

Jimin’s wasn’t blinking, eyes wide open and fixed on to the disappearing pictures. You moved closer to hug him, watching as the screen faded away into pitch black, only to reveal the next part.

Once again, it was a video, although this time, you were nowhere to be seen, while Jimin was in full shot. It was a recording taken the night of your graduation. Being best friends for the longest time ever, both of you were obviously each other’s choice for prom. That night, Jimin looked like the most beautiful angel, which could be an ironic statement because of his fully black attire. Jimin wore a black button-up shirt that was neatly tucked in his black dress pants. Equally as dark, but shinier than the rest, Jimin’s shoes were polished to true perfection – you could swear it was possible to see one’s reflection in them. His hair was side parted and freshly dyed, an ashy-silver shade now covering his previously dark strands.

Through the beginning of the recording, it wasn’t possible to see the way you were dressed, but you could still remember being the most flattering female on the whole party. Your dress was perfect for your figure; a pitch black, floor length piece, lace decorating the top of it, while also creating thin, but long sleeves. The patterns on those sleeves were beautifully detailed roses, which were always one of your favorite flowers.  

“Jimin”, your voice once again sounded through the speakers, “are you ready?”. The man had his back turned in your direction, slightly bending over and fixing something on his shirt. Upon not receiving an answer, you let yourself walk further in, peeking around to see what he was up to. Jimin noticed you approaching, and after realizing that he will need some help, decided to ask you for it (in the end really, who else was there to ask?).

“I need help with my tie” Jimin replied, turning around and audibly making you gasp. The sensitive microphone attached to the top of your DSLR, caught even the smallest of shallow breaths that left your lips. He looked like God and Devil combined. So pure, but so sinful at the same time.  

Setting the camera on your bed-side table, you turned it around, still letting it record the small pre-prom interaction that was promised to have much meaning in the future. At least to show your kids how nice it was to have someone like Jimin in your life.  

“You’ll never learn how to tie them, will you?” You asked, laughing while untying the tight knot Jimin somehow managed to create.  

“Well then, I wouldn’t have the pleasure of you doing it for me, would I?” He bit back in a cocky manner, biting his lip and raising an eyebrow. Just in that moment, through the sudden glint of your eyes, when they found Jimin’s, it was possible to note the moment in which you fell into an abyss. The exact second when your brain connected the dots in a quick impulse, sounding an alarm that screamed danger obnoxiously loud.  

Although red lights were going off before your eyes, demanding immediate action and distancing from the Devil himself, you smiled and with shaky hands, continued to tighten the material around Jimin’s neck.  

And although it was supposed to be wrong, it didn’t feel like it.

You could swear that there was a thin layer of tears painting Jimin’s eyes, but to be honest, you were holding back from letting your own tears fall. Even though you were the one who hand-picked these clips and put them together, they always managed to bring back the feeling of nostalgia. That kind of emptiness that makes you miss every second from the past, that makes you realize how old you’re actually getting, how all those moments you’re looking back as memories now, were taken for granted.  

You wanted to reach out and wipe his tears, to kiss his cheeks and tell him it’s not supposed to make him cry. You wanted to hold his small hand in yours, to trace calming circles and assure him that the video was only meant to be throwback material. But way too soon, the screen was fading to black and then fading in to another clip once again. A series of short videos that were taken through snapchat played one after another, showing different scenarios with random and “quirky” captions.  

“He believed me this was an exotic and special cocktail, when it’s ketchup mixed with tequila,,, someone pick this drunk man up” The shot was shaky, your laughter barely audible in the background, muffled by exceptionally loud music. Jimin was drinking some thick red substance from a transparent plastic cup - how convenient for an after-prom party.

“One devastatingly sad and one extremely attractive skeleton” In this one, Jimin was leaning on your shoulder, smiling into the camera as both of you showed off the messy but special Halloween makeup. Honestly, being so last-minute, Jimin had to come up with a very original “couple” costume, aka usual skeleton makeup and black attire that was spray painted in shapes of bones (more like stick figures). Somehow, your best friend managed to wear your own artistic creature way better than expected, while on the other side, he kind of failed paying you back. You had a lot of fun, that’s what mattered the most.

“She helped an elderly woman pass the street, then came running back and asked “will God accept me now?”” Jimin was holding you so tight and recording from a weird upper angle (that somehow worked out for his handsome face), while you were laughing quietly, face buried into his chest, enjoying the fluffy fabric of his hoodie.

“Someone audition him up, because this man is such a pussy” The recording angle was once again, strange, your body comfortably positioned on the sofa, while holding your small device way too low. Jimin was playing Just dance 2017, chasing the unobtainable megastar in Scream & Shout. Although every time, Jimin rocked your ass, you still challenged him often. Being competitive didn’t help neither of you in this situation.

Many more videos rolled in quick, reaching the last one relatively fast. Now, the doubts about it arose again, anxiety bubbling up and second thoughts pilling inside of your mind. It seemed like a great idea a few days ago, but is it really?  

The video didn’t have any caption, plus whatever was on the screen was barely visible. It was 2am, if to believe the analog clock that was caught in the shot for a short moment. Obviously, it was from your point of view, and soon enough it was clear why. Jimin was snuggling close to you, under the covers, hugging your waist tight, eyes closed. Just then, as if reserved, slight peek of the moon through thick clouds allowed its shine to light up a small portion of your room. Jimin’s hair was all over the place, cheeks puffy while nose red. It was the night of his extremely hard breakup. He remembered now.

“She might’ve not loved you, but believe me, my angelic boy, I always will” you whispered quietly, turning around and kissing his forehead; taking a second to stare at such a divine prescience next to you. Gosh, you loved him with your everything.

“And whenever someone crushes your heart, mine will always be there to mend it”

At that line, Jimin’s tears fell, quiet and unnoticeable, for some unidentified reason. Was it because of the flashbacks to the most heartbreaking moment of his life? Was it because he knew your love was platonic, and that whatever was about to happen will only hurt you? You couldn’t tell and the suspension was holding your heart in a choking hold. It was only a good idea to let him know you’ll always be there, always next to him if needed, but also how much you cared while doing so. On the other hand, it wasn’t a good idea to confess if all that you’ll get in return are empty words of pitiful comfort.

Yet, Jimin’s hand found yours and without any hesitation, held it tight. Then, he turned around, locking his teary eyes with your lost ones, letting the clip, and with it the whole presentation end. He bit his lip, uncertain which words to use in his expressions, hell, he was even uncertain about his feelings right now.

“Why?” He asked, scared that one wrong word could ruin everything, when he really didn’t want to. “Why me? I’m not someone you deserve, I-”

That was your yellow light, the one that you’ll rush through before it turned red.

“I got so used to having you next to me, it just felt so right to not want anyone else but you”, starting, your words began to jump over each other, creating the slightest bit of trouble for your tongue that tried to emphasize each of them perfectly. His eyes, although glassy, provided so much comfort, even in crucial or important happenings like this; they once again served as a remind as to why your heart beats only for him.

“Holding your hand is an extremely familiar feeling that’s always somehow new each time it happens” shrugging with your shoulders, you smiled, motioning towards his hand. “Much like now, your hand has been in mine hundreds of times, but has it ever been like this? No”. Jimin smiled, tightening his hold and nodding along. That actions once again gave you a slight rush of confidence, the previously yellow, now green on the next street light.

“I’ve always thought that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me, you know? It’s a really cliché thing to say, but where would I be if I hadn’t met you?” Truly, this was a serious statement, there were so many things that have happened in your life in which you just felt so, lost. Lost and afraid. Yet, Jimin was there, to redirect you to the right path and always bring up the “you’re not alone” mindset. “Who knows when I would’ve given up trying to stand up, if you weren’t there to pick me up and remind me it’s okay to fall, that bruises will heal?”

“For all these years, I was nothing else but content with being in love with you”, you stated, immense amount of courage washing over your body in a matter of moments. With the way Jimin attentively listened to every vowel and consonant that rolled off your tongue, you chose to pick words carefully, taking time to find perfect terms for description.

“I fell in love with the special way you sing when you think no one is listening, or the foolish way you drag vowels when we sing together. How your eyes turn into thin lines while truthfully laughing, or how you take into account every little detail before creating an opinion of something. How considerate and understanding you are, wanting to hear everyone’s thoughts before making a decision. Your 6th sense of identifying what’s wrong in a of a quick snap of fingers. Gosh I-”

There were so many little, but also big things that made Jimin this whole lovable and divine creature. And really, you were about to continue on for days, only if the speech wasn’t rudely interrupted by -

Jimin’s lips on yours.

“As much as I’d like to hear more of my great qualities, kissing you seems so much more attractive to me”

“Yeah? But I was spilling my heart out to you and you interrupted me, that’s rude-”  

“But you love this rude boy”

“Yeah I do”

“That’s cute”

“Say it back you coward”

“I love you, I always have and I always will”

AN: So I was supposed to release this for Jimins birthday but wasn’t satisfied with it so I edited it and released it today (way too late fk),,,,,, anyway I had something else in preparation but that kind of flopped so,,,, we aint releasing that lol,,, see you guys next time, ily!

[mslaurynhill]

I’ve remained patient and quiet for a very long time, allowing people to talk, speculate, and project, while keeping my nose to the grindstone fighting for freedoms many folks aren’t even aware matter. The arrogance of presumption that allows someone to think that they could have all the facts about another person’s life and experience, is truly and remarkably... presumptuous. 

People can sometimes confuse kindness for weakness, and silence for weakness as well. When this happens, I have to speak up.

I apologize for the delay in getting this posted, I was late in hearing about it. I understand this is long, but my last interview was over a decade ago…

‘Addressing Robert Glasper and other common misconceptions about me (in no particular order)’

By Ms. Lauryn Hill

-It’s not completely informed, but he’s entitled to his perception. Context certainly helps though.

-You may be able to make suggestions, but you can’t write FOR me. I am the architect of my creative expression. No decisions are made without me. I hire master builders and masterful artisans and technicians who play beautifully, lend their technical expertise, and who translate the language that I provide into beautifully realized music.

-These are my songs, musicians are brought in because of the masterful way that they play their instruments. I’m definitely looking for something specific in musicians, and I absolutely do hire the best musicians I can find. Not every band had that particular ‘something’ I was looking for. That doesn’t make them bad musicians, just different than what I needed in that particular moment.

-The Miseducation was the first time I worked with musicians outside of the Fugees who’s report and working relationship was clear. In an effort to create the same level of comfort, I may not have established the necessary  boundaries and may have been more inviting than I should have been. In hindsight, I would have handled it differently for the removal of any confusion. And I have handled it differently since, I’m clear and I make clear before someone walks in the door what I am and am not looking for. I may have been inclusive, but these are my songs.

-I have come across the occasional musician who thinks they already know what I want, feelings and egos can be easily bruised when you tell them they actually don’t. I am never trying to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings btw, but when people insist that they know you and don’t, you may have to be equally as firm to demonstrate otherwise.

-I am paying for a service, and looking for something SPECIFIC, which isn’t up to someone else’s interpretation or opinion. I have my own idea of what works for me. That shouldn’t offend. 

-And I definitely don’t like to fire anyone. It did take me meeting a lot of people over a number of years to find the right musicians, but my current band has been with me for a long time, the newest members probably 2/3 years, some as long as 7/8 years now. I was looking for a similar natural chemistry with new musicians that I’d had with the Fugees and Miseducation bands. I’d literally grown up with some of those musicians. That isn’t easy to find.

-In 2008, I had only a young man helping me and my Mother, after disbanding my former support staff. No idea why any musician would have had knowledge of what I was being paid, not sure what he’s saying is accurate. Don’t have the details or recollection of cutting the band’s pay in half. If fees had been negotiated and confirmed without my knowledge, I may have asked for them to be adjusted. But I would never just cut a musician’s pay arbitrarily unless I had a legitimate reason. There are artists who do cut pay though, James Brown was notorious for docking musicians if they did something he didn’t like, I’m sure there are others.

-It was necessary for me to reestablish trust and cultivate a new environment. I was looking to challenge myself artistically. I was also openly challenging music industry norms. I’d left ‘the machine’. With ‘it’ went some polish, but the cause we were fighting for, creative integrity, was worth far more than a little polish to me. 

-When you’re a popular artist or public figure, people can sometimes forget that you’re hiring them to perform a service, and that you’re not the one there to entertain THEM. I didn’t scream or yell. Maybe I didn’t provide the experience that a musician may have wanted or expected during that time, but I was straight-forward, direct, and about the business at hand. 

-Making my art is a labor of Love, but it’s still labor, and can be labor-intensive at that. If a musician was looking for a cushy job filled with the same trappings I was purposely weaning myself from, we wouldn’t have been on the same page anyway. Make no mistake, addiction is a common snare laid to dismantle the integrity of artists. My environment, at that time, operated more like a rehabilitation clinic than an after-party.

-I don’t think most people, perhaps not even some celebrated artists, are aware of the battle it takes to be an artist and remain true to what you really think. I don’t even ‘practice’ small talk, so I’m never confused with someone who can be seduced. There are traps all around, what could look like a successful career in entertainment today, could be an addictive lifestyle of convenience attempting to control you tomorrow. I set the tone with every band that working for fame and accolades is a different walk than fighting for personal integrity and making art that doesn’t compromise itself for money.

-I’m confused as to why such a principled musician, who thought I ‘stole’ from his friends, would show up to work for me anyway. 🤔 If that was hypocrisy or opportunism instead of genuine interest, it would further explain why an artist would feel the need to put his or her guard up.

-No matter how incredible the musicians who play with me are, MY name is on the marquee. The expectation to make it all come together is on me. The risk and the financial losses are on me. Hence, MY VIBE, though not the only consideration, is the priority. Few people actually know what this road is like, but many want to judge and comment, having never done it. Try doing what I’ve done yourself. If nothing else, you will gain some insight into and respect for my process.

-During the time in question, I also believe I was playing a lot of new music with controversial content. FOR ME, rehearsal was about readying myself for the battle I knew I was entering into for simply not allowing a system to pimp me. If I was on edge, I had good reason to be.-Perhaps my seriousness and militancy in the face of tremendous resistance was misinterpreted as meanness, or that I was unloving or uncaring, when my true intent was to protect. I wouldn’t be the first Black person accused of this. I don’t think of Harriet Tubman’s skills as those of a hostess, but rather her relentless dedication to helping people who wanted out of an oppressive paradigm. #IGETOUT

-People also unwilling to ‘play the game’ might have found that environment refreshing. Straight talk isn’t devoid of Love, it’s just devoid of bullsh#t.

-And just to clear up an old urban legend that somehow people still believe, I do not hate white people. I do, however, despise a system of entitlement and oppression set up to exploit people who are different. I do loathe the promotion and preservation of said system at the expense of other people, and the racist and entitled attitudes it gives rise to. The lengthy history of unfairness and brutality towards people of color, especially Black people, has not been fully acknowledged or corrected. The expectation is for us to live with abuse, distortion, and deliberate policies, meant to outright control and contain us—like we're not aware of our basic right to freedom. I resist and reject THESE ideas completely. Like many Black people, I work to reconcile my own generational PTSD. I do my best to Love, pursue freedom in body, Spirit and mind... and to confront. To repress everything  in the name of 'getting along' is to deny our right to healing. It's an ugly, distorting and complicated history at best. We've been shaped by it for better or worse. I just choose not to pretend that it's not there in order to maintain public approval and gain economic advantage. My true white friends and colleagues and I discuss these schemes and machinations, and the distrust that people of color would naturally have toward such a system and towards those who agree with it. We don't run from those conversations, we run into them, which is why I can call them friends and colleagues. Within these relationships I can be my complete self, and not a splintered individual/soul repressing the truth about generations and generations of abuse.

-There were lots of issues both personal and in the world of entertainment during that period that needed resolve. I was definitely going through a significant transition. I no longer felt safe.

-There’s an entire album about that, it’s documented and called Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged. For some, the Unplugged album provided useful insight during dark times, gave important context on some real but hidden issues, and helped people going through personal struggles, because I’d exposed myself in such a raw and vulnerable state. -Who are you to say I didn’t do enough? Most people are probably just hearing your name for the first time because you dropped MINE in an interview, controversially. Taking nothing away from your talent, but this is a fact. 

-The Miseducation was my only solo studio album, but it certainly wasn’t the only good thing I did. 

-I was also a member of the Fugees, another groundbreaking, multi-platinum selling group, who bridged social and cultural gaps, and were ambassadors of hip-hop all around this planet. We laid important groundwork upon which an entire generation of artists and musicians still stand. We broke through conventions and challenged limited world views every time we played.

-The song To Zion gave encouragement to women during challenging pregnancies. There are children who were given a chance at life because their Mothers experienced moral and emotional support through this song. -What about the image of Black women in hip hop? When exposure and sexualization of the Black female body was the standard, SOMEONE stood up and represented a different image entirely, giving a generation of young women options and alternatives of self-representation. #AMNESIA 

-And let’s not forget that I am a mother of 6…

-Not only have I been instrumental in pushing forward the culture of live music in hip-hop for decades now, but I’ve been traveling with and employing a large band for many years, despite the economic challenges in doing so. Others have followed in my footsteps, seeing the value of live music.

-Show me an artist working now who hasn’t been directly influenced by the work I put in, and I’ll show you an artist who’s been influenced by an artist who was directly influenced by the work that I put in. I was and continue to be a door opener, even if the blind don’t see it, and the prideful are too proud to admit it. I lived this, you watched this and heard about it. 

-97.9 The Box, feel free to not play my music if you agree that ‘I haven’t done enough.’

-I never told anyone not to look me in the eye, that may have been something someone said assuming what I wanted. However, I would understand why an artist would say that. It’s about reaching a level of vulnerability while making or playing your art, and not wanting to worry about being examined while you’re in that process. -There are plenty of people, I’m sure, who THINK they know me. This can happen when you do anything that people Love or feel they can relate to. Their perception of me, however, doesn’t make it my reality. Sister Act II is a movie. Rita Watson is a character I played...in a movie, for those confusing that with real life.

-And yes, Ms. Hill was absolutely a requirement. I was young, Black and female. Not everyone can work for and give the appropriate respect to a person in that package and in charge. It was important, especially then, for that to be revealed early. 

-I adore Stevie, and honor Herbie and Quincy, who are our forebears, but they’re not women. Men often can say ‘I want it done like this’ and not be challenged. The same rules don’t always apply for women who may be met with resistance. When this happens you replace that player with someone who respects you and the office you hold.

-My approach to making music is non-traditional, possibly non-linear, and more a product of my heart, soul, and experience gained through doing, than something I was taught in a formal school setting. Not much different than the genre of hip-hop itself. 

-I never held myself out as some accomplished guitar player, I play to articulate better to seasoned players what I want. It’s an instrument I learned without any real lessons or instruction. I play in an unorthodox manner and use it as a writing tool. Couldn’t or didn’t tune my own guitar? That sounds like an assumption. 

-I take rehearsal seriously, I take performance seriously, I take my art seriously. My particular preparation process suits me. To each his or her own. My goal is to feel confident and free on stage. 

-I don’t think my process is for everyone, which is why band selection is so important. It’s not just about how well someone plays, but also their attitude. I’m not offended when people say it’s not for them, no more than they should be offended when I say this doesn’t work for me. 

-Auditioning, btw, may have nothing to do with how good a musician is. If a musician isn’t accomplished, he or she wouldn’t have been called. An audition or meeting could be about whether we vibe well, whether they understood my particular musical vernacular or direction at the time. I could have a jazz beast on keys, who couldn’t necessarily play reggae or some other musical style I also incorporated into my performances.-My sound is eclectic, I’ve been influenced by a wide variety of music. Like language, music isn’t always easily translatable. Someone could be a great player, but lack the ability to capture the feel or groove of a particular style. 

-I’m attracted to musicians that are open and excited to try new things. When people think they already know what needs to be known, and aren’t interested in exploring what I’m into, that’s fine, but it doesn’t work for my band.  

-A fair weather band is a complete impracticality, a liability even. I’m expected, through my art, to pour out the depths of my soul. Some days that’s easier than others. If the crew of people supporting me aren’t built for that walk, they shouldn’t be there. #Realtalk. Some people vibe well together, some don’t. It’s ok. Ignorant patriarchy is a b#tch though, I could speak volumes…

-My standards are too high, and my process too idiosyncratic, not to work with people who really want to be there. When I don’t have that, I keep searching until I find them.

-I remix my songs live because I haven’t released an album in several years. There’s a ton of backstory as to why, but there’s no way I could continue to play the same songs over and over as long as I’ve been performing them without some variation and exploration. I’m not a robot. If I’d had additional music out, perhaps I would have kept them as they were. I didn’t, so I revise and rearrange them according to what I’m feeling in that moment. This way, my performances are heartfelt and authentic, not me just going through the motions. I can’t imagine why that would be a foreign concept to anyone who appreciates jazz. 

-And the myth that I’m not allowed to play the original versions of my songs is...a myth (anyone who’s seen my current show knows this).

-There can also be an energetic or emotional transference when I perform, and it can be heavy/weighty at times. As an artist, I’m tasked with bringing a different vibration into the space that transcends this. Not an easy gig but an important one. I can imagine there are people who value this process and don’t mind waiting a little if it means experiencing something inspired.

-Me being late to shows isn’t because I don’t respect my fans or their time, but the contrary, It can be argued that I care too much, and insist on things being right. I like to switch my show up regularly, change arrangements, add new songs, etc. This often leads to long sound checks, which leads to doors opening late, which leads to the show getting a late start. This element of perfectionism is about wanting the audience to experience the very best and most authentic musical experience they can from what I do.

-I reject being pigeonholed or pinned down by someone else’s uninformed concept of me. I’m my own person, free to explore my potential like everyone else.

- Where I am in one chapter of my life isn’t necessarily where I’ll be in the next chapter. I reserve the right to be an honest artist in those moments and not a fabrication, fake or phony version of myself, because that’s what someone else likes. 

-I don’t owe anyone self-repression. Some fans will grow with me, some won’t and that’s ok. 

-Life is to be lived, it’s not a full-time performance you put on for others, so people won’t have bad things to say about you in interviews. 

-Hip-hop was born through people who didn’t necessarily have traditional musical training, the best tools, and in some cases even instruments, but found a way to express themselves despite that. My art exists because it has a will to exist, like hip hop. 

-The album inspired many people, from all walks of life, because of its radical(intense) will to live and to express Love. I appreciate everyone who was a part of it, in any and every capacity. It wouldn’t have existed the way that it did without the involvement, skill, hard work, and talents of the artists/musicians and technicians who were a part of it, but it still required my vision, my passion, my faith, my will, my soul, my heart, and my story.  

[an-aura-about-you]

novaiiiiiiume

replied to your post

“I wanna write stuff while I’m working on the house. Give me the...”

LOHENTUTU

PLEASE

GHOSTIES MEETING THE SQUAD

If that’s ok

Wow, this took longer than I meant to for a number of reasons, but I couldn’t resist doing this! Although I took it in a bit of a different direction. What can I say? Plot bunny latches on, you don’t let plot bunny go.

The three sit around the ancient, ornate spirit board on the floor of Autor’s recreation of Drosselmeyer’s study. It’s a gorgeous little antique, nothing like the mass-produced spirit boards available at the toy store nowadays. The heavy wooden board pivots and unfolds over its storage compartment. Within are a couple of planchettes with fine crystal windows to magnify the beautifully inked letters, numbers, and words. Holding it feels the way old books smell, which isn’t too unusual since it’s spent most of its life in a library.

“Of all the things for my family to have and me not know about it,” Autor grouses as he places the planchette on the board.

Erina teasingly smiles and says, “Accept that your reputation as the weird occult kid is fully warranted.”

Autor harrumphs. Erina shrugs.

Fakir crosses his arms and goes, “This seems pointless. Whatever’s haunting me has done it the most at my house.”

“It’s not my fault I’m allergic to your pet duck,” Autor says.

“Besides, whatever it is followed you to class,” Erina points out. “You said you heard it call out to you. It’s looking for you specifically.”

Fakir looks to his... well, friends might be strong. Work associates isn’t quite accurate, either. Humans he can somewhat rely on that aren’t in a story. He and Erina are agreeable enough company, so she’ll come along no matter what. However, he needs Autor to cooperate since he’s the one who owns the spirit board and knows how it works. No other options left, Fakir unfolds his arms and places his fingers on the planchette. The others follow suit and proceed to open the board.

“Is anyone here?” Fakir asks.

The planchette stays still between the three.

“Has someone been trying to contact me?” Fakir asks, undaunted.

Autor sneezes, and the planchette twitches.

“That doesn’t count,” Erina says.

“I wasn’t trying to make it move,” Autor grumbles through his handkerchief.

The planchette twitches again.

“Have you been trying to contact me?” Fakir presses.

The planchette practically jumps out of their hands, leaping to YES.

“Now you’re just teasing him,” Autor says, glaring at Erina.

“Oh, great way to cover up your acting,” Erina quips.

Fakir shushes them. “Neither of you are in on it. I’m not even in on it! That’s the whole point.”

“Then one of us should ask a question,” Erina says, indicating herself and Autor.

“Who are you, spirit?” Autor asks, getting them back on track.

The planchette slips down to the letters T and U only to repeat them.

Erina rolls her eyes. “Are you kidding? We’re playing fairy tale games? This is the worst Halloween party I’ve ever been to.”

“Now, now, what if it’s a demon pretending to be Princess Tutu?” Autor sarcastically suggests.

Something in Autor’s voice prickles Fakir. It carries just a bit more of Drosselmeyer’s sadistic glee than he’s comfortable with. That’s the last thing any of them need in this place. Fortunately, his question comes with a relatively simple answer.

“We ask a question only Tutu or someone close to her would know the answer to,” Fakir suggests.

Autor and Erina stare at Fakir like he’s grown two extra noses.

“Well, that should be really simple for anyone who’s read The Prince and the Raven to answer, which is almost everyone!” Autor protests.

But Fakir shushes him again. “Not unless they know the ending.”

“A trick question, then?” Erina asks. “Fakir, no one knows the ending. Drosselmeyer died before it was finished.”

Fakir sighs in exasperation and goes, “Look, however skeptical all three of us are, both of you trusted me far enough to actually sit with me around a spirit board. Trust me on this question.”

“Fine,” Autor grumbles.

“All right,” Erina agrees, resigned.

Fakir takes a breath to calm himself, closes his eyes a moment, and asks, “Tutu, where did the Prince hold you in his heart? Which shard did you manifest in?”

The planchette smoothly glides about to spell the answer:

H

O

P

E

Fakir nods, satisfied with this answer.

“Seriously?” Erina asks.

He shrugs and confirms, “It’s the right answer.”

“And you’re absolutely certain about this?” Autor presses.

“I could ask her another question, but I don’t know if that’s necessary,” he says. “Depending on what she wants, that is.”

“What do you want, Tutu?” Erina asks, directed to the spirit board this time.

L

O

H

E

N

G

R

I

N

“The Knight?” Autor wonders. “Why do you want him?”

S

E

A

R

C

H

“Wait,” Fakir says. “That might be it. Tutu and Lohengrin looking for each other in the hereafter. The voice I heard in class was too deep to be Tutu, but the noises I’ve heard at home sound like pointework.”

“So, what, you just run the personals for the dead now?” Erina jabs.

“You’re right here in the news room with me,” Fakir responds.

Autor holds back a snicker, but he sobers up enough to go, “So what’s the problem? They have you as a connection. Shouldn’t they be able to meet now?”

The planchette moves again to answer:

C

A

N

T

S

P

E

A

K

Erina sits back a bit and goes, “Wow. That’s kind of cruel.”

“Yeah,” Autor agrees. “Isn’t that always the thought, that you’d be reunited with your dead loved ones in the afterlife?”

“Maybe they couldn’t since Lohengrin died but Tutu vanished,” Fakir speculates.

The planchette moves again:

V

E

S

S

E

L

The three let the word sink in, the reality of what they might have to do weighing them down inside. All Lohengrin and Tutu want is a night of reunion, but at the cost of two of their three consciousnesses for the duration? And if they don’t, the two are going to keep haunting Fakir.

“We could’ve had a normal Halloween party,” Erina half-laments. “We could’ve watched some scary movies and sneak beer out of the fridge like normal teenagers. But instead we’re gonna get possessed by ghosts.”

“Now hold on, we haven’t agreed to anything yet,” Autor says. “And I for one am not giving up my body to some random spirit that might be Lohengrin or Tutu unless I’m absolutely sure it’s not going to cause any harm.”

Fakir takes a deep breath and goes, “I can make sure nothing bad happens. But if I do that, I can’t be one of the vessels.”

“That’s easy for you to say!” Erina protests. “You’re not taking that kind of risk!”

“Erina,” Fakir says, voice as serious as she’s ever heard him get. “It’s not without risk for me, but the risk is lower for all of us if we follow this plan.”

Erina harrumphs, but it doesn’t have the same weight to it, and asks, “And what is your plan?”

“I’m going to write a story.”

Erina downright glares at him, but Autor jolts back and asks, “Are you kidding me?!”

“No.”

Autor runs his hand over his face. “You’re a Spinner?! You?!”

“You’re asking questions in the right tone, but you’re asking the wrong questions!” Erina shouts at Autor. “What is a Spinner and how is writing a story of all things supposed to protect us in case this turns into The Exorcist?!”

“I’ll explain everything later, but we should do this now if we can,” Fakir says.

“No, you won’t explain everything later because we shouldn’t explain it to her!” Autor yells, pointing accusingly at Erina.

“No! If I’m involved in it, I need to know at some point! You have no right to keep it from me!” Erina yells back.

“Would you two please be quiet?” Fakir hisses. “Look, if it doesn’t work, then the worst case scenario is I’m writing a story that will do nothing and both of you will be fine. You have nothing to lose.”

“Except our consciousnesses,” Autor says.

“For a night. That’s all. Whatever needs to be done, we’ll get it done tonight.”

“Hmph. Can we at least read the story in the morning?” Erina asks. “I might as well find out what happens to my body while someone else uses it.”

“Yes, I’ll agree to this if we can read the story tomorrow,” Autor agrees.

“Fine,” Fakir says, going along with the compromise.

“Fine,” Erina agrees.

“Fine,” Autor agrees.

And with that, the three close the board.

Lohengrin gasps a deep breath and feels at his chest for his mortal injury. He shakes and laughs, the glasses on his face blocking his hands from wiping away his tears. He takes them off, looks at the blurry room, and puts them back on.

“Lohengrin?”

He recognizes the voice even though he shouldn’t. “Tutu? Tutu, is that you?”

Tutu tucks her long hair behind her ears and nods. “I think so.”

Lohengrin crosses the short distance and grabs her hands with his, their fingers clumsily knitting together. Their foreheads touch, and they both laugh in breathless disbelief.

“It has been eons,” he tells her.

“I didn’t imagine Heaven to be a place to wait,” she responds.

“It’s been eons if it’s been a moment,” Lohengrin says, squeezing their joined hands. “I can’t count all of my days in what should be paradise spent thinking on when you would come, even if my heart was glad that you were with the Prince.”

She ducks her head down with a sniffle. “He’s finally whole and at peace. He’s with his Princess. And... and I’ve missed you more than I’ve known!”

Tutu takes her hands back and embraces Lohengrin as tight as her body allows, glad when he does the same and rests a hand on the back of her head.

“Has the time finally come?” Lohengrin asks her. “Can you join us?”

“I think so. I hope so. I believe the time has come now that the Prince’s heart is whole and not in danger of shattering again.”

He kisses her forehead and says, “You’ve done what I couldn’t, Tutu. And once you are there, Heaven will finally be complete.”

Tutu looks up and asks, “Will you stay with me until the dawn, Lohengrin?”

“Of course, of course,” he assures her, rubbing his thumbs along her tears’ trails. “We can cross it together.”

Of the three, Autor’s the first to wake up in the late morning.

He rubs the drowsiness from his eyes and tries to stretch out of his uncomfortable sit-sleep position only to find he’s holding hands with Erina. She’s in a state similar to his own pre-waking moments, the only difference being her head leaning against his shoulder. He opens his hand to let go of hers, but their fingers remain loosely knitted. He gently sets to work undoing her fingers, checking the both of them over for anything amiss. They seem no worse from the night, no strange marks or unusually mussed clothes.

Fakir sleeps slumped over the desk, some pages of parchment by his elbow.

The story.

Autor swallows, hands already trembling in anticipation. A story written by a Spinner in this very study. And he’s part of it, however small of a part he played. He quietly steps over and looks at the page on top, carefully taking it from the pile. He steadies himself with a breath, bracing himself to read.

“...eventually the Princess nodded off to sleep, her head resting on the Knight’s shoulder. She trusted in his promise that they would make the final journey together. Her time to guide others had come to an end, and the Knight would take his turn to guide her to the Heaven she’s dreamed of for so long.”

Did they just fall asleep while Fakir wrote his story? That’s all this seems to be, and yet the words plant an ache in Autor’s heart.

“Autor?”

He looks to Erina when she calls, possibly the first time either of them have used their proper names since this started. She gets to her feet with a yawn, stretching her arms over her head, and joins him by the desk.

“Is this the story?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he answers, passing her the page in his hand.

Erina takes it and quietly reads, making a soft little sigh when she reaches the end. She places the page back with the others, careful not to disturb Fakir.

“Should we wake him?” she asks.

Autor shrugs and goes, “Maybe we should just let him sleep.”

Erina nods. “Well, that was a Halloween party I won’t forget anytime soon.”

“Yeah...”

“Let’s just watch scary movies at the next one.”

[wristwatchjournal]

Hands-On With The Breitling Endurance Pro Watch For Athletes

Whether you’re a fighter pilot, a civilian aviator, or just a dyed-in-the-wool tool watch enthusiast, there’s a pretty good chance that your first brush with Breitling was one of its Professional watches – a broad line of stylish quartz-powered references that has remained one of the brand’s core collections since its informal debut as the Aerospace in 1985. Over the last three and a half decades, the Professional umbrella has evolved dramatically, from the entry-level Aerospace to more feature-rich offerings like the rugged Chronospace, the state-of-the-art Exospace, and the mighty Emergency – a legendary adventure watch capable of summoning a helicopter (ie: the world’s most expensive Uber ride) for when things go really sideways. Given its cool, modern aesthetic and long legacy of highly accurate, multi-function utility watches, the Professional line is a natural home for Breitling’s new Endurance Pro – another category-specific tool watch, this time designed with athletes in mind.

With regards to its Professional collection stablemates, the new Endurance Pro probably has the most in common in both proportion and functionality with the Chronospace Evo – a fully analog spin-off of the ana-digi hybrid Aerospace Evo. Though marketed at pilots, the modern Aerospace was already an excellent multi-sport & adventure watch (and a perfect cycling watch, I’ll add), thanks to its light weight, easy wearability, and multiple functions. The new Endurance carries that torch, reportedly with design input from Breitling ambassador and three-time Ironman World Champion Jan Frodeno, yielding a reference that mixes in a few new elements, including a Breitlight carbon fiber composite case that’s 30% lighter than titanium, a bi-directional rotating compass bezel (likely cribbed from the Chronospace Military), and a subtly updated aesthetic, which appears to be reflecting the new art direction for the Professional collection as a whole.

Now it doesn’t matter if you’re a professional athlete like Frodeno or a fitness enthusiast logging miles between a regular nine-to-five, if you run, swim, or ride bikes and appreciate watches, you already know that finding just the ‘right’ watch to keep you on-time and your wrist tanline dutifully maintained during training season can be a tricky affair. An oversized dive or pilot watch might have the shock countermeasures requisite to keep an automatic movement running accurately, but these larger designs often trade legibility for weight – and a distracting, top-heavy watch is hardly the right choice, especially during longer or harder efforts. Conversely, though a cheap, battery-powered watch might be the safest concession (especially in the instance of a crash or a fall) in this instance, it undoubtedly lacks that certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ that many athletes seek out when it comes time to personalize their gear or riding kit.

Obviously, most professional athletes tend to train or race with GPS-enabled digital devices that measure efforts and comprehensively track workout data, but just as a professional divemaster might wear a digital dive computer on every outing, the Endurance isn’t meant to replace such a device, it’s meant to supplement it. By the same token, I ride with a Wahoo Roam, which displays power, heart rate, VAM (when climbing), along with distance and elevation metrics, but I leave the day’s timekeeping to the wrist, as I simply prefer to wear a watch. Plus, I’ve had head units die on me while out on a ride, and at least being able to get home in time for brunch is never a bad thing. Two is one, and one is none, right?

Ultimately, I’m particularly impressed that Breitling has actually touched on the elements of not just what makes a sports watch cool, but one that’s actually useful in practice – y’know, as a sports watch. In keeping with the traditions I’d come to expect from Breitling, it’s detail-rich, quite masculine by design, and extremely well made. And in the same traditions, it’s also large and legible at a glance, but hardly unwearable – thanks to the impressive lightness of its 44mm x 12.5mm Breitlight case, which weighs a scant 35 grams without its rubber strap (funnily enough, the strap weighs about the same, adding 30 grams to the total package). And it’s powered by a quartz movement – which, though perhaps not the first choice for many watch enthusiasts, is actually in practice, a much safer and more accurate option from workout to workout.

Piggy-backing off the Chronospace Evo, the movement in question deployed for the Endurance is an in-house manufactured 1/10th of a second quartz chronograph calibre, though unlike the aforementioned, the Endurance uses Breitling’s Caliber 82, which trades the Evo’s 24-hour register at 9:00 for a 30 minute counter. This is a thermo-compensated, COSC-certified Chronometer movement, and it’s awfully nice to see some brands still catering to HAQ (high-accuracy quartz) watch fans – in addition to the athlete community.

Specifications

Brand: Breitling Model: Endurance Pro Dimensions: 44mm x 12.5mm Water Resistance: 100 meters Case Material: Breitlight Crystal/Lens: Sapphire (double-sided AR coating) Movement: Breitling Cal. 82 (thermo-compensated, COSC-certified SuperQuartz) with hour, minute, second, date, 1/10th second and 30-minute counters Power Reserve: 3 – 4 year battery life Strap/Bracelet: Rubber or recycled nylon (Econyl) NATO strap Price & Availability: $3,000 USD

Like the rest of the Aerospace Evo collection, the new Endurance is water resistance to 100 meters, making it plenty sweat and swim-resistant for any workout. And with a 22mm lug width and a 52mm lug-to-lug measurement, it also has a near-identical footprint to the existing Aerospace, though the sculpted lines on the case are a lot more refined, with deep, twisted lyre style lugs that create a cool beveling on the 9:00 side of the caseband. And thanks to the subtle patterning of the Breitlight material, the whole case has a very warm and organic look and feel on the wrist – an effect that’s contrasted beautifully by bright pops of blue, yellow, orange, red, or white. Other embellishments like the crown’s grippy rubberized surface, the steeply sloped pulsometer chapter ring (a fun touch, though I can’t imagine any serious athlete discarding their Whoop for this), and the gold-hued 3-6-9 & Breitling wing elements all lend a very cohesive, premium feel that I can only best describe as ‘distinctly Breitling.’ Speaking of which, the lone design criticism I could probably levy at the new Endurance, is with the applied 3-6-9 markers. These have long been one of my favorite stylistic flourishes of the Professional collection, and cutting each of them off to make room for other dial elements feels a bit like design heresy.

Available in a multitude of colorful strap and dial options, and built around an ultralight composite case, the design brief for the Endurance feels a bit like it’s paying homage to the original fiberglass-cased TAG Heuer F1 watches from the late eighties which were also marketed for sporting use. In many ways, this particular reference was the first Swiss watch for an entire generation of cyclists, who might remember them being worn by the stars of the American 7-Eleven cycling team, like Bob Roll, Davis Phinney, and Andy Hampsten. Unlike the rather crude F1 watches (nostalgic as they may be) though, the Endurance is a sleek, premium, and far more modern affair that strikes just the right balance between style and utility. And with a price of $3,000, it’s certainly not an inexpensive choice, but it’s a markedly more practical, period-correct option for watch fans looking for the perfect ride companion for that new Tarmac SL7. breitling.com

For the next two weeks, the global athlete community can participate in Breitling’s Endurance Pro Challenge on the fitness app Strava, with the aim of completing 500 minutes of any sporting activity (running, cycling, swimming, or any combination are all fair game) in the two weeks following the time of this writing, to be put into the *ahem* running to win a Colnago bike, a Breitling Endurance Pro watch, and a Breitling cycling kit. Why 500 minutes? Well, it’s a little essentially an eight-hour window, and around the same amount of time it would take an elite triathlete to complete an Ironman – luckily, you’ll be able to break it into as many sessions as you need, such as long as you’re done in the 14 days following the 26th of August. Breitling’s own professional athlete squad, including three-time Ironman World Champion Jan Frodeno, and multiple cycling Grand Tour winner Vincenzo Nibali will both be participating in the challenge.

The post Hands-On With The Breitling Endurance Pro Watch For Athletes appeared first on Wristwatch Journal.

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[muschiosa2]

‘Addressing Robert Glasper and other common misconceptions about me (in no particular order)’ By Ms. Lauryn Hill

I’ve remained patient and quiet for a very long time, allowing people to talk, speculate, and project, while keeping my nose to the grindstone fighting for freedoms many folks aren’t even aware matter. The arrogance of presumption that allows someone to think that they could have all the facts about another person’s life and experience, is truly and remarkably… presumptuous. People can sometimes confuse kindness for weakness, and silence for weakness as well. When this happens, I have to speak up. I apologize for the delay in getting this posted, I was late in hearing about it. I understand this is long, but my last interview was over a decade ago…

-It’s not completely informed, but he’s entitled to his perception. Context certainly helps though.

-You may be able to make suggestions, but you can’t write FOR me. I am the architect of my creative expression. No decisions are made without me. I hire master builders and masterful artisans and technicians who play beautifully, lend their technical expertise, and who translate the language that I provide into beautifully realized music.

-These are my songs, musicians are brought in because of the masterful way that they play their instruments. I’m definitely looking for something specific in musicians, and I absolutely do hire the best musicians I can find. Not every band had that particular ‘something’ I was looking for. That doesn’t make them bad musicians, just different than what I needed in that particular moment.

-The Miseducation was the first time I worked with musicians outside of the Fugees who’s report and working relationship was clear. In an effort to create the same level of comfort, I may not have established the necessary boundaries and may have been more inviting than I should have been. In hindsight, I would have handled it differently for the removal of any confusion. And I have handled it differently since, I’m clear and I make clear before someone walks in the door what I am and am not looking for. I may have been inclusive, but these are my songs.

-I have come across the occasional musician who thinks they already know what I want, feelings and egos can be easily bruised when you tell them they actually don’t. I am never trying to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings btw, but when people insist that they know you and don’t, you may have to be equally as firm to demonstrate otherwise.

-I am paying for a service, and looking for something SPECIFIC, which isn’t up to someone else’s interpretation or opinion. I have my own idea of what works for me. That shouldn’t offend.

-And I definitely don’t like to fire anyone. It did take me meeting a lot of people over a number of years to find the right musicians, but my current band has been with me for a long time, the newest members probably 2/3 years, some as long as 7/8 years now. I was looking for a similar natural chemistry with new musicians that I’d had with the Fugees and Miseducation bands. I’d literally grown up with some of those musicians. That isn’t easy to find.

-In 2008, I had only a young man helping me and my Mother, after disbanding my former support staff. No idea why any musician would have had knowledge of what I was being paid, not sure what he’s saying is accurate. Don’t have the details or recollection of cutting the band’s pay in half. If fees had been negotiated and confirmed without my knowledge, I may have asked for them to be adjusted. But I would never just cut a musician’s pay arbitrarily unless I had a legitimate reason. There are artists who do cut pay though, James Brown was notorious for docking musicians if they did something he didn’t like, I’m sure there are others.

-It was necessary for me to reestablish trust and cultivate a new environment. I was looking to challenge myself artistically. I was also openly challenging music industry norms. I’d left ‘the machine’. With ‘it’ went some polish, but the cause we were fighting for, creative integrity, was worth far more than a little polish to me.

-When you’re a popular artist or public figure, people can sometimes forget that you’re hiring them to perform a service, and that you’re not the one there to entertain THEM. I didn’t scream or yell. Maybe I didn’t provide the experience that a musician may have wanted or expected during that time, but I was straight-forward, direct, and about the business at hand.

-Making my art is a labor of Love, but it’s still labor, and can be labor-intensive at that. If a musician was looking for a cushy job filled with the same trappings I was purposely weaning myself from, we wouldn’t have been on the same page anyway. Make no mistake, addiction is a common snare laid to dismantle the integrity of artists. My environment, at that time, operated more like a rehabilitation clinic than an after-party.

-I don’t think most people, perhaps not even some celebrated artists, are aware of the battle it takes to be an artist and remain true to what you really think. I don’t even ‘practice’ small talk, so I’m never confused with someone who can be seduced. There are traps all around, what could look like a successful career in entertainment today, could be an addictive lifestyle of convenience attempting to control you tomorrow. I set the tone with every band that working for fame and accolades is a different walk than fighting for personal integrity and making art that doesn’t compromise itself for money.

-I’m confused as to why such a principled musician, who thought I ‘stole’ from his friends, would show up to work for me anyway. 🤔 If that was hypocrisy or opportunism instead of genuine interest, it would further explain why an artist would feel the need to put his or her guard up.

-No matter how incredible the musicians who play with me are, MY name is on the marquee. The expectation to make it all come together is on me. The risk and the financial losses are on me. Hence, MY VIBE, though not the only consideration, is the priority. Few people actually know what this road is like, but many want to judge and comment, having never done it. Try doing what I’ve done yourself. If nothing else, you will gain some insight into and respect for my process.

-During the time in question, I also believe I was playing a lot of new music with controversial content. FOR ME, rehearsal was about readying myself for the battle I knew I was entering into for simply not allowing a system to pimp me. If I was on edge, I had good reason to be.

-Perhaps my seriousness and militancy in the face of tremendous resistance was misinterpreted as meanness, or that I was unloving or uncaring, when my true intent was to protect. I wouldn’t be the first Black person accused of this. I don’t think of Harriet Tubman’s skills as those of a hostess, but rather her relentless dedication to helping people who wanted out of an oppressive paradigm. #IGETOUT

-People also unwilling to ‘play the game’ might have found that environment refreshing. Straight talk isn’t devoid of Love, it’s just devoid of bullsh#t.

-And just to clear up an old urban legend that somehow people still believe, I do not hate white people. I do, however, despise a system of entitlement and oppression set up to exploit people who are different. I do loathe the promotion and preservation of said system at the expense of other people, and the racist and entitled attitudes it gives rise to. The lengthy history of unfairness and brutality towards people of color, especially Black people, has not been fully acknowledged or corrected. The expectation is for us to live with abuse, distortion, and deliberate policies, meant to outright control and contain us — like we’re not aware of our basic right to freedom. I resist and reject THESE ideas completely. Like many Black people, I work to reconcile my own generational PTSD. I do my best to Love, pursue freedom in body, Spirit and mind… and to confront. To repress everything in the name of ‘getting along’ is to deny our right to healing. It’s an ugly, distorting and complicated history at best. We’ve been shaped by it for better or worse. I just choose not to pretend that it’s not there in order to maintain public approval and gain economic advantage. My true white friends and colleagues and I discuss these schemes and machinations, and the distrust that people of color would naturally have toward such a system and towards those who agree with it. We don’t run from those conversations, we run into them, which is why I can call them friends and colleagues. Within these relationships I can be my complete self, and not a splintered individual/soul repressing the truth about generations and generations of abuse.

-There were lots of issues both personal and in the world of entertainment during that period that needed resolve. I was definitely going through a significant transition. I no longer felt safe.

-There’s an entire album about that, it’s documented and called Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged. For some, the Unplugged album provided useful insight during dark times, gave important context on some real but hidden issues, and helped people going through personal struggles, because I’d exposed myself in such a raw and vulnerable state.

-Who are you to say I didn’t do enough? Most people are probably just hearing your name for the first time because you dropped MINE in an interview, controversially. Taking nothing away from your talent, but this is a fact.

-The Miseducation was my only solo studio album, but it certainly wasn’t the only good thing I did.

-I was also a member of the Fugees, another groundbreaking, multi-platinum selling group, who bridged social and cultural gaps, and were ambassadors of hip-hop all around this planet. We laid important groundwork upon which an entire generation of artists and musicians still stand. We broke through conventions and challenged limited world views every time we played.

-The song To Zion gave encouragement to women during challenging pregnancies. There are children who were given a chance at life because their Mothers experienced moral and emotional support through this song.

-What about the image of Black women in hip hop? When exposure and sexualization of the Black female body was the standard, SOMEONE stood up and represented a different image entirely, giving a generation of young women options and alternatives of self-representation. #AMNESIA

-And let’s not forget that I am a mother of 6…

-Not only have I been instrumental in pushing forward the culture of live music in hip-hop for decades now, but I’ve been traveling with and employing a large band for many years, despite the economic challenges in doing so. Others have followed in my footsteps, seeing the value of live music.

-Show me an artist working now who hasn’t been directly influenced by the work I put in, and I’ll show you an artist who’s been influenced by an artist who was directly influenced by the work that I put in. I was and continue to be a door opener, even if the blind don’t see it, and the prideful are too proud to admit it. I lived this, you watched this and heard about it.

-97.9 The Box, feel free to not play my music if you agree that ‘I haven’t done enough.’

-I never told anyone not to look me in the eye, that may have been something someone said assuming what I wanted. However, I would understand why an artist would say that. It’s about reaching a level of vulnerability while making or playing your art, and not wanting to worry about being examined while you’re in that process.

-There are plenty of people, I’m sure, who THINK they know me. This can happen when you do anything that people Love or feel they can relate to. Their perception of me, however, doesn’t make it my reality. Sister Act II is a movie. Rita Watson is a character I played…in a movie, for those confusing that with real life.

-And yes, Ms. Hill was absolutely a requirement. I was young, Black and female. Not everyone can work for and give the appropriate respect to a person in that package and in charge. It was important, especially then, for that to be revealed early.

-I adore Stevie, and honor Herbie and Quincy, who are our forebears, but they’re not women. Men often can say ‘I want it done like this’ and not be challenged. The same rules don’t always apply for women who may be met with resistance. When this happens you replace that player with someone who respects you and the office you hold.

-My approach to making music is non-traditional, possibly non-linear, and more a product of my heart, soul, and experience gained through doing, than something I was taught in a formal school setting. Not much different than the genre of hip-hop itself.

-I never held myself out as some accomplished guitar player, I play to articulate better to seasoned players what I want. It’s an instrument I learned without any real lessons or instruction. I play in an unorthodox manner and use it as a writing tool. Couldn’t or didn’t tune my own guitar? That sounds like an assumption.

-I take rehearsal seriously, I take performance seriously, I take my art seriously. My particular preparation process suits me. To each his or her own. My goal is to feel confident and free on stage.

-I don’t think my process is for everyone, which is why band selection is so important. It’s not just about how well someone plays, but also their attitude. I’m not offended when people say it’s not for them, no more than they should be offended when I say this doesn’t work for me.

-Auditioning, btw, may have nothing to do with how good a musician is. If a musician isn’t accomplished, he or she wouldn’t have been called. An audition or meeting could be about whether we vibe well, whether they understood my particular musical vernacular or direction at the time. I could have a jazz beast on keys, who couldn’t necessarily play reggae or some other musical style I also incorporated into my performances.

-My sound is eclectic, I’ve been influenced by a wide variety of music. Like language, music isn’t always easily translatable. Someone could be a great player, but lack the ability to capture the feel or groove of a particular style.

-I’m attracted to musicians that are open and excited to try new things. When people think they already know what needs to be known, and aren’t interested in exploring what I’m into, that’s fine, but it doesn’t work for my band.

-A fair weather band is a complete impracticality, a liability even. I’m expected, through my art, to pour out the depths of my soul. Some days that’s easier than others. If the crew of people supporting me aren’t built for that walk, they shouldn’t be there. #Realtalk. Some people vibe well together, some don’t. It’s ok. Ignorant patriarchy is a b#tch though,

I could speak volumes…

-My standards are too high, and my process too idiosyncratic, not to work with people who really want to be there. When I don’t have that, I keep searching until I find them.

-I remix my songs live because I haven’t released an album in several years. There’s a ton of backstory as to why, but there’s no way I could continue to play the same songs over and over as long as I’ve been performing them without some variation and exploration. I’m not a robot. If I’d had additional music out, perhaps I would have kept them as they were. I didn’t, so I revise and rearrange them according to what I’m feeling in that moment. This way, my performances are heartfelt and authentic, not me just going through the motions. I can’t imagine why that would be a foreign concept to anyone who appreciates jazz.

-And the myth that I’m not allowed to play the original versions of my songs is…a myth (anyone who’s seen my current show knows this).

-There can also be an energetic or emotional transference when I perform, and it can be heavy/weighty at times. As an artist, I’m tasked with bringing a different vibration into the space that transcends this. Not an easy gig but an important one. I can imagine there are people who value this process and don’t mind waiting a little if it means experiencing something inspired.

-Me being late to shows isn’t because I don’t respect my fans or their time, but the contrary, It can be argued that I care too much, and insist on things being right. I like to switch my show up regularly, change arrangements, add new songs, etc. This often leads to long sound checks, which leads to doors opening late, which leads to the show getting a late start. This element of perfectionism is about wanting the audience to experience the very best and most authentic musical experience they can from what I do.

-I reject being pigeonholed or pinned down by someone else’s uninformed concept of me. I’m my own person, free to explore my potential like everyone else.

- Where I am in one chapter of my life isn’t necessarily where I’ll be in the next chapter. I reserve the right to be an honest artist in those moments and not a fabrication, fake or phony version of myself, because that’s what someone else likes.

-I don’t owe anyone self-repression. Some fans will grow with me, some won’t and that’s ok.

-Life is to be lived, it’s not a full-time performance you put on for others, so people won’t have bad things to say about you in interviews.

-Hip-hop was born through people who didn’t necessarily have traditional musical training, the best tools, and in some cases even instruments, but found a way to express themselves despite that. My art exists because it has a will to exist, like hip hop.

-The album inspired many people, from all walks of life, because of its radical(intense) will to live and to express Love. I appreciate everyone who was a part of it, in any and every capacity. It wouldn’t have existed the way that it did without the involvement, skill, hard work, and talents of the artists/musicians and technicians who were a part of it, but it still required my vision, my passion, my faith, my will, my soul, my heart, and my story.

[robertkstone]

2018 Range Rover Velar R-Dynamic SE I-4 First Test

Despite both my parents having careers in the fashion industry, the fashion gene appears to have skipped me. My approach to fashion mirrors my attitude toward just about everything from cars to cuisine—KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Yet even I can appreciate the game-elevating styling the 2018 Land Rover Range Rover Velar P250 R-Dynamic SE brings to the table. Despite lacking the Posh Spice seal of approval, the fashion-forward Range Rover Velar brings a lot to the crowded two-row luxury crossover space—and it’d better, considering how pricey and late to the game it is.

Built on a modular architecture shared with the Jaguar F-Pace, the Range Rover Velar is designed to fill the narrow white space between the baby Range Rover Evoque and the Range Rover Sport. This luxury crossover is intended to be the Range Rover line’s most carlike offering while still providing the off-road capability that the Land Rover badge demands. Given this goal, the Range Rover design team fully delivered—especially with a well-equipped sample like our Velar R-Dynamic tester. The extra-sporty Velar R-Dynamic is strikingly handsome and concept car pretty, with a rakish station wagon–esque look outside and a beautifully finished cabin inside.

With the Velar’s neck-snapping looks bound to bring buyers into the Range Rover section of the showroom, Land Rover was content to borrow three (quite good) powertrains from the Jaguar F-Pace—a 180-hp turbodiesel I-4, a 380-hp supercharged V-6, and the base engine found in our Velar P250 tester, a 2.0-liter turbocharged I-4 that produces 247 hp and 269 lb-ft of toque. Like the F-Pace, all Velars get an eight-speed automatic transmission and standard all-wheel drive.

Despite the Velar P250 R-Dynamic SE’s sporty looks, its performance at our test track was far more modest. Our four-cylinder Velar accelerated from 0 to 60 mph in 7.7 seconds and went through the quarter mile in 16.0 seconds at 85.7 mph. That’s substantially slower than our comparably equipped Velar P380 R-Dynamic SE long-termer, which needs 5.7 seconds to hit 60 mph and runs the quarter mile in 14.2 seconds at 97.7 mph.

Comparing our turbo-four Velar P250’s acceleration figures to its V-6-powered stablemate is admittedly unfair. But compared to other four-cylinder-powered luxury crossovers—like our 2017 Mercedes-Benz GLC300 4Matic long-termer or a 2018 Volvo XC60 T5 we tested recently—the Velar P250 is still a bit poky compared to those admittedly shorter and lighter-weight models. The Mercedes hits 60 mph in 6.9 seconds and runs the quarter mile in 15.2 seconds at 89.6 mph; the Volvo is faster still, hitting 60 mph in 6.2 seconds and completing the quarter mile in 14.7 seconds at 91.5 mph. The Velar P250’s unhurried performance continued in our figure-eight test, where it lapped our course in 26.9 seconds at an average 0.65 g, trailing both its German and Swedish rivals. Still, it doesn’t feel so slow out on the road.

The Velar is unquestionably the most carlike vehicle Land Rover makes. From behind the wheel it just feels like a big, tall station wagon. The Velar’s ride and handling team deserve the lion’s share of the credit here. The ride is firm, sporty even, but not in any way punishing. It dispatches even the most brutal impacts fairly quickly and without tossing your head around or sending things in the cabin flying—kind of surprising considering the 20-inch wheels on our tester. Steering is nicely balanced in the default Comfort setting, too. It’s well weighted and reasonably accurate at the same time. Dynamic mode ups feel, making it more direct, sharp, and, yes, sporty. It’s good for cutting up a good back road (and quite fun doing that, too), but Comfort should leave most drivers more than satisfied.

Despite the Velar’s four-cylinder engine holding it back in track tests, it’s actually a pretty nice little motor. It makes its power down low in its rev band, and the Velar’s smart-shifting eight-speed auto helps make the most of it. Although it isn’t fast, the Velar feels quick enough around town and for most freeway driving. Most remarkable is how smooth the four-pot is—even working at wide-open throttle, the engine doesn’t transmit any vibration or harshness into the cabin.

For all its shortcomings at the test track, the place the Velar needs the most work is inside the cabin. Like many high-fashion items, the Velar’s cabin is high on style but low on functionality. First the good: The Velar’s interior is downright gorgeous. From the Union Jack­–cut leather seats to the beautiful dashboard design, this middleweight Range Rover is just as stunning to sit in as it is to look at. Material quality is on point—as it should be considering its $61,095 starting price and $76,435 as-tested price—and the seats both fore and aft are comfortable and spacious.

That’s all well and good, but the Velar’s infotainment suite leaves a lot to be desired. The Velar, like the latest Range Rover Sport and Range Rover, features a high-resolution dual-screen infotainment suite. The setup looks nice, but it’s difficult to use, at best. The top screen handles everything from navigation and off-road info to media and phone duties, and the bottom screen is responsible for climate control, seat massage, drive mode, and phone and media functions. Although there are some effective touchscreen infotainment systems out there—Volvo’s Sensus system and Tesla’s infotainment suite spring to mind—Range Rover’s system is slow to respond, unintuitively laid out, and difficult to use while driving. For example, to change the satellite radio station, you have to take your eyes off the road and tap a small, square button on the top screen to manually cycle through stations. You’d better hope you don’t have to jump more than three or four stations, because by that point the system starts to lag behind your inputs. The system frequently makes what should be a one- or two-keystroke task into a multistep operation. It all goes back to four letters: KISS. It’s possible to work around a lot of poorly engineered infotainment systems by simply plugging in your iPhone or Android device and using either Apple CarPlay or Android Auto, but unfortunately, neither of those alternatives is currently available on the Velar—or any Land Rover vehicle, for that matter.

The Land Rover Range Rover Velar P250 ultimately delivers the fashion-forward experience its presence promises. It’s beautiful to behold inside and out and has exceptional material quality. It, like many fashion-forward items, lacks a bit of functionality—in this case, sacrificing some performance and infotainment user-friendliness—but the Velar’s unmistakable style largely makes it all worth it.

2018 Land Rover Range Rover Velar P250 SE R-Dynamic BASE PRICE $61,095 PRICE AS TESTED $76,435 VEHICLE LAYOUT Front-engine, AWD, 5-pass, 4-door SUV ENGINE 2.0L/247-hp/269-lb-ft turbo DOHC 16-valve I-4 TRANSMISSION 8-speed automatic CURB WEIGHT (F/R DIST) 4,391 lb (50/50%) WHEELBASE 113.1 in LENGTH x WIDTH x HEIGHT 189.1 x 76.0 x 65.6 in 0-60 MPH 7.7 sec QUARTER MILE 16.0 sec @ 85.7 mph BRAKING, 60-0 MPH 117 ft LATERAL ACCELERATION 0.84 g (avg) MT FIGURE EIGHT 26.9 sec @ 0.65 g (avg) REAL MPG, CITY/HWY/COMB 18.0/28.0/21.4 mpg EPA CITY/HWY/COMB FUEL ECON 21/27/23 mpg ENERGY CONS, CITY/HWY 160/125 kW-hrs/100 miles CO2 EMISSIONS, COMB 0.83 lb/mile