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she-karev · 6 months ago

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Trying to Get Pregnant (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 16+

Chapters: Four of Five

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 18 Episode 17/Season 5 Episode 17

Summary: Andrew and Amber accidentally tell people they’re trying to get pregnant.

Words: 2368

February 18th, 2022

Andrew, Alex and Link stand in front of Kristen in the waiting room. Alex is with them in case Kristen’s stress harms the baby and they needs a peds surgeon to help. Kristen is processing their devastating diagnosis of Simon’s tumor. She sits in silent agony holding her gorging belly and tries to find the strength to ask her question.

“How long? Please tell me how long my husband has to live.”

Andrew keeps his voice neutral as he lays out the facts, “We still have to do staging, but from the information that we have, maybe a month at most.”

Kristen gasps and begins to cry, “His whole life, Simon always wanted to be a dad. He wanted to be the best dad. And I wanted to give him that.” Kristen stands up, “We need to take the baby out now. I need a C-section.”

Alex shakes his head knowing the outcome if they take the baby out, “Kristen we can’t it's too early.”

Kristen is adamant, “Simon needs to meet his son. I need to talk to an OB, please.”

“Okay sit down please.” Andrew helps Kristen sit down as she continues to cry, “Look any OB will tell you that there are risks if you take the baby out right now.”

Kristen shakes her head, “No.”

“I know you want to do this for Simon, but we cannot risk-”

“I'll talk to Dr. DeLuca. Okay Kristen?” Andrew and Alex look at Link in shock as he continues, “She’s an OB, he isn’t so I’ll talk to her and see if she can help you.”

Alex starts to tell Link off, “Dr. Lincoln-”

“She’s at the station right now she’s not here.” Andrew tells Link with an offended tone to save Alex from making a scene before turning back to Kristen, “Kristen you need to think about what’s best for your son right now because at 32 weeks his lungs aren’t fully developed and he’s premature when we take him out. It is safer to wait until you give birth then it is to do a C-section this early.”

“Do you have kids?” Kristen asks frustrated, “Do you know what it’s like to want something your whole life? Because that’s what Simon is doing right now, he wants to meet his son before he dies and you’re stopping me from doing that.”

“…I don’t have kids, but my wife and I are trying to have a baby.” Alex looks mildly shocked at that as he continues, “I can’t imagine the struggle you and Simon faced when you tried to have a baby but I know what it’s like to want to be a dad more than anything. I also know that if I was in Simon’s position I would want my kid to be born healthy even if I never get to meet them. If Simon doesn’t feel that way, then we can talk about a C-section but if he does…we’ll try as hard as we can to give him more time so he can be your baby’s father even if it’s just for a little while.”

Kristen begins to sob and Andrew stands up to give her space, “I’m really sorry.” The men walk away to give Kristen space to grieve.

Later at Station 19

Amber helps Carina pack up the supplies and throw away the trash after the clinic closed. The rest of the team on shift helps as well. Jo is on the phone with Hunt at Grey Sloan after sending in Errol. She helped Warren with a man named Errol who came in with leg pain that turned out to be his toes decaying and falling off due to not treating his diabetes.

The man said he didn’t think it was worth going to a hospital for but it was mostly because he didn’t have insurance. The man’s state broke Jo’s heart as she understood what it was like to be broke and afraid of going into debt. She assured him they would find doctors who could treat him and help him cover the costs.

“Okay thank you Hunt, bye.” Jo hangs up and announces to the team, “Erroll has been admitted to Grey-Sloan. Their gonna start rapid treatment as soon as possible.”

Sullivan asks Jo, “How do you watch your toes turn to black mush and not get help, huh?”

“Well, he obviously needs mental health care as well.” Carina explains that makes Montgomery snap.

“Yeah, something else this broken system isn't gonna provide!” Travis kicks the chairs he’s folding in anger causing the team to look worried, “I'm sorry, but this is nuts. I mean, that guy didn't get his diabetes checked out until his toes fell off because he didn't want to go into debt? I mean, what is that? And what if we didn't have this clinic? What then? What happens to Erroll, and all the Errolls out there?”

Warren tries to mend his anger, “Yeah, but we do have the clinic.”

“Yeah, but it's not enough. And-And if Dixon is elected mayor, he's going to shut this place down, okay? This-This world is a broken and cruel place, and we keep putting people in charge that are fixated on making it worse.”

“He's not gonna win.” Maya says.

“You don't know that!” Travis says in fear, “Have you seen the rest of the field? He could very easily win, and nothing terrifies me more. I'm a first responder. I'm great at problem solving, but on this, I got nothing.”

“Well, I mean, you could run for mayor.” Warren suggests and Jo follows.

“Yeah you would be the first politician I would like.”

Travis shakes his head, “I can't do that.”

“Why not?” Sullivan asks, “Scared you're gonna lose?”

“No, because I think I could win.” Travis explains, “Okay, yeah. Maybe that terrifies me more.”

“I think you should do it, Travis.” Carina supports him as she helps pack away the medical equipment, “I'll vote for you. I mean, I don't even have my green card yet, but you know what I mean.”

Maya looks shocked at that, “Wait, are we actually talking about you running for mayor of Seattle?”

“Yeah. No. No. I don't know.” Travis says in conflict, “Not to actually be mayor, but to just, you know, make sure Dixon isn't.”

“I think you would win.” Carina says hopeful.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Amber shrugs liking the idea, “Worser and more stupid people have run and won, be the first good one. You got my vote and my husbands.”

“And mine and my husbands.” Jo says with a smile.

“But that's crazy, right?” Travis asks with the others agreeing.

“Like you said, the world is crazy.” Robert says with support.

Travis grins at the support and exhales, “Well on to more uplifting news, I heard what you said to that mom this morning Amber. I’m glad you and your husband are trying; I think you’ll be great parents.”

Amber’s eyes widen at that as well as Jo who purses her lips and Carina who looks up in shock.

“I’m sorry what?” Carina asks and steps forward, “You and Andrea are trying to have a baby?”

Amber pinches the bridge of her nose knowing she has no way out of this, “Yes we are and I was going to tell you once you got pregnant but I guess Montgomery missed that part of my conversation in the exam room!”

Travis looks embarrassed by that and gulps at the daggers Amber is glaring his way, “Um…I guess it’s a bad time to say Travis would be a good name for the baby?” Amber responds with a gauze she throws directly at Travis’s head that he doesn’t dodge. The soft wrap barely hurts him but he got the message, “I deserved that.”

“Walk away before I grab this monitor next.” Amber orders in anger pointing at the exit.

“Yep, I’m going, sorry.” Travis quickly walks away as well as Ben and Robert who sense a bloodbath about to come.

Carina stands in front of Amber with a curious face, “Amber? Is it true? Are you and my brother trying to get pregnant?”

Amber sighs and faces her sister-in-law with Jo and Maya in the middle as a neutral third party, “Yeah we are. We wanted to tell you after you got pregnant because we know how hard you and Maya are trying and I know the hormones make you angry. I also know all the advantages me and Andrew have that you guys don’t, so I didn’t want you to-”

“No, no stop, please.” Carina begins to smile to Maya’s shock who expected her hormonal wife to lash out but instead she holds Amber’s shoulders and looks her straight in the eye with familial love, “I am so happy for you, and I am so happy for Andrea.”

Carina pulls Amber in for a hug that shocks her, but she responds with her hands over Carina’s back.

“You don’t hate me?” Amber asks.

Carina laughs and pulls back with a smile and tears in her eyes, “Hate you? You’re gonna make me an aunt. Bambina how can I possibly hate you?”

Amber laughs at that and smiles, “Yeah when you put it like that, I am pretty amazing. But just so you know I’m not pregnant we just started trying like last night.”

Carina keeps smiling, “And I am already looking forward to being a part of your baby’s life.”

Maya smiles at her wife already planning on being an aunt and squeezes her shoulder pulling her to her side facing Amber, “Me too. And as Aunt Maya I can introduce your kid to sports so they can get a full ride and you and Andrew won’t have to pay for college.”

Amber laughs at that, “Thank you.”

Jo smiles and steps in, “Yeah and just for the record I call favorite auntie status.”

Maya narrows her eyes at Jo, “Over your dead body.”

The ladies chuckle at that before going into playful discussion over who gets to do what as an aunt making Amber grin at the sweet scene in front of her silently hoping for a baby soon.

Later at the Hospital

Alex sees Andrew leaning against the station at the ICU saddened over Simon’s news. He was shocked after finding out that he and his sister were trying to have a baby at first but then he was happy for them. He was happy that his baby sister who grew up without love and stability like him was building one for herself with the man she loves. He was also happy about the possibility of becoming an uncle, already loving and playing with Meredith’s kids who call him the best uncle ever. He knows he can be that for his sister’s kids and walks over to stand next to Andrew.

“You did everything you could.” Alex says first knowing his brother-in-law is beating himself up for failing to resect the tumor, “If you tried to take it out Simon wouldn’t have a chance to meet his son before he died. Don’t blame yourself for things out of your control.”

Andrew nods understanding it all too well, “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“…So, you and Amber are trying to get pregnant huh?”

Andrew chuckles lightly knowing it was coming, “Yeah, we are. We wanted to wait to tell you guys but then Kristen was talking about a C-section, and I had to make sure she wasn’t alone in wanting to be a family with the person she loves. I wanted her to remember her baby being healthy is something that’s not always a given.”

“Well, you did good. I think you talked Kristen off the ledge.” Alex taps his fingers, “Does anybody else know?”

“Nope you and Link are the first. My sister is trying to get pregnant too and with the hormone treatments I’m afraid telling her will result in me physically unable to impregnate my wife.”

Alex chuckles, “Yeah, she probably would do that. But I am happy for you, and I hope you guys get pregnant soon.”

“Thanks. We’re just trying to do date nights and trying these diets that increase fertility since Amber threw out the condoms.”

“Piece of advice don’t use my sister’s name in the same sentence as condoms in front of me.” Alex says uncomfortable with Andrew nodding in agreement, “It sounds like you guys have a solid plan. And the fact that babies are nonstop crying machines who never sleep for more than three hours in a row. And you can’t tell whether they’re smiling or have gas and every time you change a diaper, they pee on you. Don’t let any of that stop you from trying to get pregnant.”

“How can I when you make it sound so pleasant?” Andrew responds sarcastically.

“But seriously though Luna is the best thing that happened to me.” Alex says with a grin over his beloved daughter, “And I wish the same for you when you meet your kid. As long as I get favorite uncle status over Aaron.”

Andrew chuckles, “I’ll try.”

Link approaches them, “So Simon is gonna start chemo tomorrow, hopefully it gets him until Kristen gives birth.”

“I’m sorry man.”

Link shakes his head at Andrew’s apology, “It’s fine you did your best, thanks for that by the way.” Link sighs before putting up a strong front, “But on the bright side you and Amber are gonna become parent’s, congrats, I’m really happy for you guys.”

“We just started.”

“Nonetheless we should celebrate, drinks on me?”

Alex takes up on it, “Yeah I’ll drop off Luna and Jo and then we can head to Joe’s, DeLuca?”

“No, I should head home, it’s date night and I am in charge. Amber should have finished her shift by now so I’m gonna clock out. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Link grins as DeLuca walks away from them, “Good luck, try to impregnate your wife as many times as you can.” Alex narrows his eyes at that distasteful comment towards his little sister that Link catches to his embarrassment, “I’m sorry.” Alex walks away from Link leaving him by the station.

Next Part Here

#greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy edit #greysanatomyedit #greysedit #station 19 #station19edit #andrew deluca #andrew deluca imagine #andrew deluca x oc #amber karev #alex karev #carina deluca #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #giacomo gianniotti #headcanon #mine

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artiststarme · 2 years ago

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The Up and Downs in the Life of Eddie Munson

The other one didn't seem angsty enough and I am in a mood. Grab your tissues, my friends!

~*~*~*~

Eddie knew he was never going to amount to anything, Munsons never did. For him especially though, it wasn’t written in the stars that his life would be for naught. The universe and fate were against him from the get-go. His life was on a downward slope since the day he was born.

On that one freezing night in December, Mary Munson was rushed to the emergency room to deliver a premature baby boy. After four hours of excruciating labor, a C-section was performed and baby Edward Munson was born (he would later joke that he’d never been in a vagina a single moment of his life). He had to stay in the NICU for weeks until his preemie lungs were strong enough to handle the cold of the Indiananian winter. Less than a month old and Eddie was already the biggest burden to his parents. Old Richie Munson had to find extra work to pay off the extensive medical bills and he took it out on his wife.

Poor Mary struggled on her own to take care of Eddie. He was a colicky baby so when he did go home from the hospital, he kept his mom up all day and night with wailing cries. She had no choice but to turn to drugs to escape the torments of being a young mother with a raucous baby and an absent husband. He was only seven years old when he found her body in the kitchen. She’d done heroin that was laced with fentanyl and her abused heart never stood a chance.

When he was eleven, his dad got arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and armed burglary. He’d been trying to put food on the table for Eddie after losing his job and had gotten too sloppy through desperation. When the nasally and overworked social worker dragged him away from his dad in the visitation room, he thought he was going to be placed in foster care. Instead, his bald-headed and knobby-kneed self was plopped onto the trailer porch of his dad’s estranged brother.

The man introduced himself as Uncle Wayne and he might have been the best thing to happen to Eddie. He didn’t hit him when he got frustrated like Eddie’s dad did. He didn’t turn to drugs and alcohol when he threw a tantrum like his mom had. Instead, Uncle Wayne was patient. He didn’t get mad at him when Eddie flinched away at physical touch or when he didn’t talk for the first six months of moving to Hawkins. No, Wayne earned his trust and looked out for him from the very first moment he laid eyes on him. He was a good guy and an even better uncle.

That’s why it hurt so much to leave a dead girl in his trailer for him to find when he got off shift. Over Spring Break, his potential that was steadily declining rapidly accelerated. He went from being the weird, gay, metalhead teenage loser that no one liked to the serial killer of three fellow high school students that couldn’t graduate and led a cult in his free time. He ran away from the murder of a girl that had been nice to him and started getting hunted by the Hawkins townsfolk in a ridiculously uncoordinated witch hunt. He almost certainly wasn’t going to graduate this year, not from the inside of a prison cell because that’s where he was headed.

And all of that doesn’t even mention the demon from another dimension that chose to paint Eddie as a scapegoat. ‘86 really wasn’t his year.

Nothing has ever gone right for Eddie in his life and he knew it never would. So when he saw an opportunity to save his young friend and the rest of the world, he jumped on it. He couldn’t protect Henderson from inside the trailer with the bats prying themselves through the vents. He had to go out and fight them. Eddie knew as soon as he saw the swarm that that was how his life would end. If Steve Harrington, god among men, couldn’t hold his own against them, what chance did he have? Like an answer to his own prediction, the bats attacked. They tore through his chest and ripped his skin as if it were paper. The blood that gushed from his wounds bathed Eddie in warmth quickly followed by an empty numbness. When all of the bats fell from the sky, Eddie had the brief thought that just like all of his other suffering, his death would be for nothing too.

The next moments passed in a haze, his body was going into shock. Dustin cried and begged him to get up. Harrington pulled him into his arms and sprinted for the gate. The girls yelled in the background of it all. And Eddie slipped away from the world that had only ever looked down on him.

He awoke in a drab white hospital room. His body felt heavy but he could move and he could feel his heart beating, his lungs breathing. Eddie was confused as all hell but he was alive. When he looked to his right, he saw Steve Harrington lounging in the uncomfortable hospital chair, head tilted unnaturally with drool dripping from one side of his mouth. For the first time in Eddie’s entire life, things started to look up.

@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @straight4joekeery @trippypancakes

#GRAB THE KLEENEX #Honestly though its not bad you should be fine #the life and death and life again of Eddie Munson #Eddie has lived a rough life but Steve will make it better eventually #poor wayne had to see a crumpled body in his trailer and then discovered his nephew missing #he's so underrated #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #uncle wayne #dustin henderson

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playingpreggobby · 2 years ago

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RP LIST (DETAILED VERSION for realistic rps)

by: playingpreggobby (the carrier)

Symptoms:

Nausea and vomiting (morning sickness)

Hypermises gravidarum (extreme morning sickness throughout pregnancy)

Breast tenderness

Clogged milk ducts

Periods

PMS Flu

Heartburn

Hot flushes

Frequent urination/occasionally wetting.

Fatigue

Sensitive to smells

Headaches

Cravings

Indigestion

Back aches

Swollen feet/body

Complications

Dental issues

Blindness due to pregnancies

And a whole lot more!

The pregnancy:

Stretch marks

Impregnation sex

Sex during pregnancy

Mood swings

Excessive baby movements favourite

Increased sex drive

Blue/purple or discoloured bellies

Big bumps/small bumps

Clothes not fitting/outgrowing

Hyper pregnancies (max babies I can do is 10)

Perma-pregnancy (pregnant immediately after giving birth)

Multiples

Fast pace pregnancies (finding out to birth)

Regular paced pregnancies (each trimester) favourite

Slow paced pregnancies (month/week by week)

Tw: Blood/miscarriages (missed miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, graphic to non-graphic miscarriages) : emotional

Tw: abortions: emotional

Accidents/car wrecks: emotional

Post partum depression: emotional

Prenatal depression: emotional

The glucose tests

Membrane/cervix sweeps

Ultrasounds during pregnancy favourite

Vampire pregnancies

Wolf pregnancies

Unplanned pregnancies

Birth

Premature birth

Still borns: emotional

Falling sick before/after birth

Nausea/vomiting

Water births

Home births

Hospital births

Car births

Hard labor favourite

Slow water breaking

Fast water breaking

Losing the "mucus" plug

Messy births

C-Section

Vacuum births

Excessive waters/water breaking

Long labor favourite

Short labor

Long pushing

Short pushing

Broken bones during labor/giving birth

Death: emotional

Breach babies

Umbilical chord getting stuck around babies

Birth denial (mental denial/forcing themselves not to push/holding baby's head when crowning) favourite

Unplanned birth/unexpected

Birthing positions: on all fours, on back, standing, sitting etc favourite

Overdue births

Inducing labor

Tearing

After birth

Aftercare for birth comfort

Midwife check ins

Stitching (not the husband stitch)

Complications

First nights with baby

No sex till 6 weeks

Breast feeding

Pain and discomfort after birth

The baby

First nights with newborn

Vaccinations

Infant sicknesses

Teething stage

Crawling stage

First steps

First words

General life cycle/slice of life moments

The AU's

Enemies to lovers

Friends to lovers

Teen pregnancy

Mafia

Strangers to lovers

One night stand

Arranged marriage/marriage of convenience

Boss/employee

Sugar daddy/sugar baby

Dom boyfriend with Sub Girlfriend

Gamer bf/gf

Co-workers

Husband/wife

Celebrities (let me know which)

Anime (let me know which)

Harry Potter

KPOP (BTS, SHINee, EXO, SUPER JUNIOR, SNSD, Red Velvet, Black pink, mamamoo and soloists etc)

Won't do:

Furries

Monster girls

Alien pregnancy

Futa/herm

Gore

Erotic births

Fantasy

Object births (I do human only)

Violence or forceful birthing

Vore

Scat

Gas/farting

Unbirth

Non-con/tw: rape

Flatulence

Blueberries

Public births

Players playing babies inside the belly.

Eating disorders/stuffing

Incest

Ageplay

**THINGS ARE STILL BEING ADDED***

#birth rp #pregnancy rp #pregnancy lover #pregnancy #pregnancy roleplay #pregnancy symptoms #rp list #tw are mentioned #playingpreggobby

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princessjaqulinechess1031 · 3 years ago

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six makes a family

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Janus, Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Remus

Summary: When their world falls apart, it’s up to Patton and Janus to rebuild their family. Snapshots into the lives of six orphaned boys trying to make it.

Trigger Warnings: Death, Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Car Accidents, Premature Birth (mentioned)

Everything fell apart the day Virgil was born. Everyone knew it, even Virgil, but no one dared say it.

It was not Virgil’s fault what happened. It was no ones. Their parents had been coming back from dinner, one last hurrah before their new baby arrived. Patton and Janus had been home, watching over the terrible twosome and Logan, dolling out pizza and watching Aladdin defeat Jafar for about the thousandth time. It had been blissful, all of them who could remember would say. The calm before the storm, the eye of the hurricane, the stillness before the crashing wave.

Then the phone had rang, Patton had answered, and there was a mad dash for keys and the car and a hurried “Logan, watch your brothers!”. An indigent sound from Logan, confused cries from the twins, and another phone call to their aunt to get to the house now something is wrong something is very wrong.

Janus and Patton had burst into a hospital. They had hoped maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was a wrong number, but then they gave their name and gotten than sad look from the nurse on call, and then everything broke as they were led to a conference room.

Never a good sign, Janus remembered himself thinking.

The doctor, apparently a very an important doctor from the many suffixes after their name, had sat them down and said all this medical mumbo jumbo neither really understood. A car wreck. Impaled lung. Cardiac arrest. Internal bleeding. Emergency c-section.

It all boiled down to one thing. Mom and dad were dead, and their little brother was here, three months early.

“His name is Virgil,” the doctor said, very solemn in the uniform way doctors always were. “Your mother told me that was what they wanted to name him before she went into surgery.”

Patton barely held back a sob, and the doctor was going to say something else, but Janus cut them off with a frown.

“Will he live?” Janus asked. “Will Virgil live?” His voice was raspy, hard, clouded with emotion.

The doctor looked uncomfortable and shifted in her seat. The harsh lines of her face didn’t soften.

“There have been cases of preemies born at 23 weeks surviving, but we won’t know for sure for a few days,” the doctor said. “But right now, it does look like he has a positive chance for survival.”

Survival. That was all that mattered now. Virgil’s survival, the rest could wait. The pain, the emotion, the anger, even the tomorrow, the next hours, telling the twins and Logan. All that would take a back seat, Janus decided, right now, all his energy went towards Virgil’s survival.

Patton reached for his brother’s hand and squeezed it tightly. It will be alright, the gesture said. We’ll work this out.

And yes, they would. Come hell or high water.

********

The bill felt like it was burning Logan’s hand. Logan wanted to put it down, but he couldn’t, his eyes just kept scanning the words before him over and over and over again. They were behind four months on the mortgage and if they didn’t pay it next month, they were out on the street. Logan knew that Janus and Patton didn’t want him to know this. In the six months since Virgil came home, they had tried to like nothing was wrong. That they were okay. That their parent’s dying was not going to be their family’s undoing.

Logan had suspected something was wrong; Patton’s eyes had lost that shine of joy, Janus’s eyes were baggy and tired, the two of them hardly ever ate dinner with them (“I’m not hungry”, “I ate at work”). Janus had dropped out the day after the accident to get a job. Logan supposed he had been a little naïve to believe that Janus being assistant manager at the Gap and Patton picking up shifts at the dinner down the street would keep them afloat.

Logan knew he should shove the letter back in the drawer, run to his room, and pretend he had never seen it. But he couldn’t bring himself to. Some magnetic force was keeping him rooted to the spot. He couldn’t go back and unknew what he knew now.

Distantly he heard the sound of Virgil crying; Logan knew Janus would be too preoccupied with him to find him here. Patton wasn’t here. Anyone who would catch him wouldn’t find him. He took a deep sigh and pulled out the drawer farther. One by one he took them out and read each. Mortgage, lights, credit cards, even the water bill was in there, colored red like a failed test, and with each one the nine-year-old felt more and more sick to his stomach.

How? How could it have gotten this bad so quickly? How were they going to fix this?

Who was going to fix this?

The front door slammed, and a shrill thrill bounded down his spine.

“Hidey-ho, I’m home,” Patton called out. Logan, now that he was looking for it, could tell how manufactured it was. That the tone was more synthetic that it was in the past.

Logan scrambled, shoving them in the drawer, creating a large pile that Logan knew would tell them someone found it. Logan hoped that they thought that Roman and Remus had found it, thought it was something to play in, but Logan had a small suspicion that maybe they wouldn’t notice. That they were so busy they wouldn’t care to notice how messy the overdue bill drawer was.

Logan spun on his heel just as Patton entered the kitchen and set his bag down on the kitchen table.

“Hey Logan,” Patton said. “Anything interesting happen while I was gone?”

Logan stuttered for a moment and then shook his head. Patton gave him a curious look, and Logan knew that Patton thought something was off. Logan also knew that he couldn’t let Patton know that Logan knew what he knew.

Logan smiled and then ran off, mumbling something to Patton about needing to do some research in his room.

The next day, Logan mentioned that he saw a vacancy sign on an apartment building on the bus home.

**********

“Roman. Roman. Roman!”

The seven-year-old jerked awake and found his twin’s eyes staring back at him.

“Rem, what it is?” Roman asked sleepily. Remus bit his lip and pulled the blanket they shared tighter around himself, exposing Roman’s socked feet to the room.

“I had a nightmare,” Remus said softly. Roman didn’t say anything. Remus had had nightmares ever since The Night; normally they woke everyone up, he would be screaming and thrashing and slinging his limps every which way before he awoke. It was one of many reasons Virgil’s crib had been smushed into Patton and Janus’s room, and Logan had been moved onto a cot in the corner of the living room and Roman and Remus slept on the pull-out couch.

But the worst nightmares didn’t have screaming. They didn’t have anything, just a tearful and eerily quite Remus waking his twin in the middle of the night, lost and alone.

“Bad one?” Roman asked, even though he already knew the answer. Remus nodded and curled his fist under his chin. Roman frowned. “Wanna talk about it?”

Remus shoot his head. Roman had an inkling, however, what Remus had seen in his dreamland. The very worst possible version of the wreck – bloody limbs and twisted metal, the smell of charred flesh and burning gas. Roman had had them too, and still did every once in a while. But they never were as bad as the ones Remus had.

Roman reached out to hug his brother, shuffling the blanket and sheet.

“It’s okay Rem,” Roman said. Remus snuffled once. “It’s okay Remus. We’re safe.”

Remus snuffled again and Roman hugged him tighter.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” Remus said in a small voice.

“I do too,” Roman said in a smaller voice. They were quiet for a long moment, neither able to go back to sleep. Logan rolled over on his cot, mumbling something in his sleep that neither twin could make out.

“But we have each other,” Roman said. “Born together –”

“Friends forever,” Remus finished. It had been their mantra ever since they had learned to talk. They had been saying it a lot more since Mom and Dad had died, even if all their other family fell away, there would still be the two of them. They came into this world together, they would be separated by nothing.

Roman yawned, the two brothers still curled around each other.

“Good night Rem,” Roman said. “I love you.”

“I love you too Ro-Ro,” Remus whispered.

Remus did not wake up again that night, safe with his brother.

********

“Well then you add the three –”

“Why?”

“I don’t know for sure, it’s just –”

“Why don’t you know?”

Patton sighed as Remus bounced at the kitchen counter, thumping his pencil against the half-finished math worksheet. Remus was the most impossible to get homework done with because he simply just got so distracted. It was normally a marvel to watch him and the way he thought, they way he could move so quickly, only Roman able to keep up with him, but when it came to math homework, it was less of a marvel.

“I was in the third grade nearly eleven years ago, I can’t quite remember everything,” Patton said. “But I do know that Logan would know, why don’t you go ask him?”

Remus’s eyes lit up and he took his sheet and ran to where Logan was sitting on the couch, books out in front of him. Patton knew that Logan was trying to get his own homework done, but Patton simply didn’t have time right now. He had to cook dinner and then get ready for work and then –

“Patty!” Three-year-old Virgil tootled towards Patton and grabbed onto his legs and looked up. “Dinner time!”

Patton smiled and picked up his littlest brother and set him in his high chair. Virgil was almost out of needing to use it, and Patton selfishly hoped soon he would grow out of it so they could sell it.

Roman looked up from his seat at the counter, sitting much quieter than his twin had been.

“What are we having for dinner?” Roman asked.

“Well, I was thinking hot dogs’ kiddo,” Patton said. Patton opened the refrigerator and found said hot dogs, but was aware that the only other contents were orange juice, a package of biscuits, and bologna. It wasn’t much but it would last them through tomorrow when Patton got paid, and then Janus would be paid the day after. They could stock up the best they could with whatever was left.

Patton had just gotten them in the oven to bake (he had read somewhere that it was healthier that way) when the door to the apartment slammed open and shut, alerting Patton that his brother was home. Janus entered the alcove for the kitchen/living room (really all that separated it was a stained half-wall and a counter), frowning.

“Hey-ho Jan,” Patton said. Janus didn’t say anything else, merely frowned and squinted his eyes, and Patton knew that look. It was the “we need to talk” look. Patton and Janus had quickly perfected it – there was so much they didn’t want the younger kids to know. Patton didn’t let his smile waver, instead turning towards their sparse cabinet pantry and pulling out a loaf of bread. They didn’t have enough for buns – but bread would work just fine.

“We’re having hot dogs for dinner!” Patton said. Janus nodded and sat on the stool next to Roman and looked over his shoulder at his homework. “I know it’s only a quarter to five, but I was hoping we could eat as a family before I went to work.”

Patton held the esteemed position of cashier at the McDonald’s down the street. It was one of the twenty-four hour ones, so it allowed Patton to be home during the day with Virgil and work at night, and then Janus could be here with the others at night. Patton’s dreams of being an elementary teacher had been zapped once he and Janus got the medical bills for his parents and Virgil; it was strange, how much dying cost. It had cleared out all of their parent’s savings paying for their expenses, and then the life insurance policy had been snatched up by funeral costs and getting a new car since theirs was totaled in the wreck.

But McDonalds was fine. It helped keep the lights on. It was Janus, as the oldest, who brought in most of the bacon – he was a warehouse worker at door company, it wasn’t much but it was enough to keep them not comfortable but steady.

Janus nodded. Janus hadn’t said much in the past few years. He had always been a quiet soul, now more than ever since he and Patton had taken on co-parenting duties.

“Virgil!”

Well, mostly quiet.

“How is my favorite toddler doing?” Janus asked, rising from his chair. He walked over and ruffled Virgil’s dark brown hair. Virgil smiled.

“Janny!” Virgil said. Janus reached down to the floor of the kitchen, where Virgil’s stuffed spider sat. Patton kept it tidy the best he could, but every now and then things fell through the cracks and things just got left where they were tossed.

“Were you good for Patton today?” Janus asked, and Virgil nodded vigorously. Roman frowned and looked up from his homework.

“How come you didn’t ask how I was doing?” Roman asked. Janus raised an eyebrow.

“Because I know how you’re doing,” Janus said. “I received a call from your teacher about how you and Remus, what was it, freed the class snake?” Patton had received a frantic text message from Janus earlier informing him about this, and they had resolved to talk with the twins about it together. They were team, after all.

“It was an accident!” Roman tried to plead, but this was undermined by Remus perking up from his spot next to Logan.

“No, it wasn’t!” Remus said. Patton couldn’t help but smile in the corner of his mouth. The image of Roman and Remus sneaking around a snake terrarium was somehow funny, he wasn’t sure why.

Janus frowned. “No TV after dinner for a week. For either of you. Sound fair Patton?” They had an alright TV; Aunt Patty had gotten a new one the year before and given them their old one. It only received the channels they got from the antenna-like plug in they got at the store, but hey, The Kelly Clarkson Show was more interesting than nothing.

Roman looked up at him with pleading eyes, and Patton almost cracked. He hated punishing them, even thought they deserved it.

“Sorry kiddo,” Patton said. “But Janus is right. You and Remus shouldn’t be messing around with snakes and letting them out.” Roman frowned, but Remus seemed unbothered, kicking his feet back and forth and ignoring his math homework.

The oven dinged and Patton went to get the hot dogs out of the oven while Janus shuffled out the paper plates from the cabinet. All in all, paper utensils were easier on the daily, even if a little more expensive in the long run. Him and Janus only had so many hours in a day and doing lots of dishes added up as well after a while.

They had no kitchen table, so they all crowded in the living room, sitting on the floor and the couch. Virgil’s highchair sat next to the couch, and he was stuffing cut up pieces of hotdog in his mouth. Logan prickled his nose like he always did; he hated eating on furniture, but their was no other choice really.

Janus finished quickly and then stood and motioned for Patton to follow him to the back room with a tilt of his head. Janus rubbed Virgil’s head as he sat in the moved highchair, and Virgil ate the chopped-up pieces of hot dog. Patton quickly swallowed his bite of hot dog and placed his plate onto the carpet from his lap. He stared at Remus with stern eyes.

“Please don’t eat my food while I’m gone,” Patton said, but he knew from the way Remus smiled that his food was toast. Oh, well, Remus was a growing boy.

The door shut behind the two with a click, and Janus rung his hands as he sat on the bed. They were quiet, and Patton just let Janus come to what he wanted to say on his own. Janus just needed some time, sometimes. (Patton laughed at his internal joke.)

Janus took a breath after that time. “I lost my job.”

Patton blinked. “Oh.”

Then the panic set in. Janus was the main breadwinner – with out them, there was nothing. Patton’s salary, even working all the doubles and triples he could, would never be enough.

“Did they give a reason?” Patton asked. Janus sighed.

“The company is merging with another one,” Janus said. “They had to cut staff to make way for the new ones.” Janus rubbed at his eyes. “They gave me an extra two weeks pay, as a severance gift.” Janus huffed once humorlessly. “A real gift, huh?”

Patton sighed and sat next to his brother. “Did you supervisor – what his name – Joe, John, oh, whatever – did he say he’d give you a recommendation?”

Janus nodded. “Yeah, but it still sucks.”

Patton bit his lip and played with a loose string of his pants. “I can take some extra shifts, work some breakfast shifts and then go back for the night. You can stay and take care of Virgil while you look for work.”

Janus nodded glumly and turned away from Patton. Patton sighed and looked up at the sky. They couldn’t catch break just once in their life, could they?

*********

“I wanna play!” Virgil called after Roman and Remus, who were running around the playground without care. Roman and Remus didn’t call anything back to their younger brother, the nine-year-olds running off to play pirates or princesses or something or other. Virgil huffed and stopped at the edge of the playground as he realized that his brothers weren’t coming back for him.

Virgil watched the twins run around the field directly next to the park’s playground, picking up sticks and chasing after each other with them. A thin, achy feeling of jealousy pulled at him and he turned away, crossing his arms stubbornly and annoyed.

Whatever. Who wanted to play with the stupid twins anyway? They were stupid and didn’t play any kind of fun games anyway.

Virgil perked up as he spotted fifteen-year-old Logan on a bench, a stack of books next to him as he pushed his glasses up his nose. Virgil smiled and rushed over to one of his middle brothers. Maybe Logan would have something fun they could read together. Virgil was only just now starting to read (having started kindergarten just a few short months ago), but maybe they could read it together! That was always fun to do!

“Hey Logan!” Virgil greeted, stopping short of the bench. Logan must have not heard him at first, because he did not look up from his book. Virgil frowned and leaned forward, his hair falling into a shaggy curtain in front of his eyes. “Logan!”

Logan finally peered over the top of his book to look at Virgil, and Virgil brightened back up again.

“Virgil,” Logan said monotonously. “I’m trying to read.”

Virgil pursed his lips and crossed his arms behind his back nervously.

“While I thought maybe we could read together!” Virgil quietly said. Logan looked at him for a long moment, just long enough that Virgil thought maybe that Logan hadn’t heard him. Then Logan coughed, pushed his glasses up his nose, and shook his head.

“I’m very sorry Virgil,” Logan said. “But I just don’t have the time. My AP Lit teacher wants me to have Lord of the Flies finished by Monday, so I really must keep reading on my own.”

Virgil’s heart dipped into his stomach, and he hit his lip. Of course. Logan was too busy to read with him. Logan was always busy, what with homework and the like. Virgil sometimes wondered if he would have that much homework when he became a teenager like Logan.

Virgil fiddled with his fingers. “Oh, uh, okay.”

Logan seemed truly sorry, looking down on him with a sympathetic frown and a furrowed brow. Logan shook his head and returned to his book. Virgil stood for a moment longer, as if his presence would make Logan change his mind before Virgil stepped away and looked out at the playground.

It was mostly empty, it being rather early in the morning. Patton had wanted to grocery shopping, and him and Janus had decided they could take the kids to the park while Patton went to the grocery store across the street. Logan had rather reluctantly come along as back-up for Janus in case of emergency for watching the kids, but it seemed was rather preoccupied with his books than with anything else.

Virgil frowned and walked over to the swings, and he sat down on the thin blue plastic seat, crossing his legs and gripping tightly onto the metal chains. He stared down at the wooden chips decorating the floor of the playground and wondered idly if Patton would be done shopping soon. Virgil was ready to go home, where he could cuddle with Miss Floofy, his stuffed spider. Miss Floofy was never too busy to play with him or ignored him like the twins did.

An angry bubble burst in Virgil’s chest. Why couldn’t his brothers play with him? Always too busy or occupied with something else. Nothing more than an afterthought to the twins and Logan. Maybe it was his age, he knew that he was the baby and maybe it was the curse of the baby of the bunch to be alone.

Virgil cast a glance across the park, where he saw a little toddler toddle across the grass to their awaiting mother. Virgil titled his head to the side curiously. Virgil was not like the other kids in his class, as he did not have a mom or a dad. He wondered often what it must be like to have one, as his classmates always told stories about how their parents were always playing with them or helping them with homework and other things.

If he had parents, would they have time for him? Would they have played with him today?

“Virgil?”

Virgil blinked and looked over his shoulder to see Janus behind him, hands on his hips and blond hair flipping slightly in the low wind. Janus frowned and came to sit down next to Virgil on the swings.

“Virgil, are you alright?” Janus asked. Virgil hesitated and then nodded.

“I’m okay, Janus,” Virgil said, but his voice broke on Janus’s name. Virgil turned away from Janus and Virgil heard the blond man sigh. Janus reached to put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, and Virgil did not shift away from Janus.

“I know you, Virgil,” Janus insisted. “You have your pouty face, and something is always wrong when you have your pouty face.”

Virgil crossed his arms and turned to Janus indignantly.

“I’m not pouting,” Virgil stated. Janus half-smiled, his eyes flickering with mischief.

“Of course not, my dear little spider,” Janus conceded easily. Janus rubbed his shoulder gently and smiled softly at Virgil. “I’m simply pointing out that you seem a little upset.”

Virgil pursed his lips a little (totally not looking like he was pouting, mind you), and uncrossed his arms. He stared at Janus for a very long moment and then he sighed, regripping the metal chains of the swings.

“None of the others want to play with me,” Virgil mumbled. Janus raised a brow, prompting Virgil to continue. “The twins just ignored me and then Logan was too busy to read with me.”

Janus nodded solemnly.

“I see.” Janus stood from the swing set and came to kneel in front of Virgil, placing a hand back on Virgil’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry the others don’t want to play with you.”

A bubble of a question floated it’s way out of Virgil’s mouth before he could stop it.

“Would Mom have played with me?”

It was a taboo subject, Virgil knew that. Virgil knew once upon a time he had had a mom, but that she was gone very shortly after he was born. He wasn’t sure what happened to her – no one talked about it. So, all Virgil knew that she was here and then she was gone, gone before he could remember her.

As Virgil watched a myriad of emotions pass through his brother’s face, he was sure he had said the wrong thing. That he had crossed the unspoken line that he was not allowed to cross with his brothers. But then Janus smiled softly.

“Mother would have loved to play with you,” Janus whispered, barely loud enough for Virgil to hear. Janus reached up to caress Virgil’s face gently, a kind sparkle in his dark eyes. “She loved you so much, Virgil.”

Virgil cocked his head to the side. “She did?”

Janus nodded. “Of course, she did.”

Virgil swallowed thickly and another question he shouldn’t ask drawled out of him.

“Then why did she go?” Virgil whispered. Janus sighed and looked down at Virgil’s shoes.

“She…. she had to leave,” Janus settled on after a long moment. “She would have stayed with us if she could have, I know she would have. But the choice wasn’t up to her, it was just….”

Janus trailed off, and Virgil shut his eyes, trying to picture what Mom would have been like. There were pictures in their apartment, of a tall woman with dark brown hair and a large smile, but it didn’t tell him what Mom was like. Was she loud like the twins? Smart like Logan? Kind like Patton? Quiet like Janus?

Was she anything like Virgil?

Janus shook his head.

“The fact of the matter is that Mother loved you very, very much, Virgil. More than you could ever know. And she would have done anything to spend time with you.”

Virgil bit the bottom of his lip.

“Will she ever come back?” Virgil asked hopefully. Janus grinned glumly and dropped his eyes back to the ground.

“No, unfortunately,” Janus answered. “Mother is…. isn’t coming back.” Janus looked back up at Virgil and Virgil could see that Janus missed Mom a lot. Janus’s eyes were sadder than Virgil had ever seen them, all color drained from his face and leaving him slightly gray. Janus ran a hand through his hair and mumbled something to himself.

Virgil stood form the swing, shrugging off Janus’s hand before diving into hug Janus around the neck. Janus stiffened, and then he returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s torso, pulling the five-year old closer to him.

“I love you Janus,” Virgil said, not quite sure what else to say. Janus curled one hand into Virgil’s dark curls and placed a soft kiss to the crown of Virgil’s head.

“I love you too, Virgil,” Janus returned.

Virgil knew that he didn’t really understand what it was to have a mom.

But he had a Janus. And he supposed maybe that was good enough.

********

Patton stood at the edge of the two graves for their parents, a light blue peacoat wrapped around his shoulders. A bundle of forget-me-nots were freshly set in the area between the two headstones, the little blue blossoms shaking in the autumn wind.

When Patton had woken up this morning, he hadn’t expected to be here as the sunset on their small Florida town. Some…. some force had just taken over him as he left the school he substitutes at, a force that had caused him to stop at a florist on the way home and detour to the cemetery.

It had been nearly four months since he had last been here, back at the anniversary of their death. It had been all six of them crowded around them the two headstones. Each of them had shared their favorite memory of their parents as they laid down flowers, except for eight-year-old Virgil, who laid down the flowers silently, having no memories of his own to share.

Virgil had finally been told the full story this past anniversary, as they felt he was finally old enough to understand the story. How in the end, their mother in her final moments of clarity had told the doctors in no uncertain terms that it Virgil the saved, not her. Mom was selfless like that. Putting her children before her, literally giving her life to save her child.

Patton shook his head and stared at the headstones in the receding light.

“Hey,” Patton whispered to the stones. “I’m sorry for not coming around more. Been, uh…been busy. Not really an excuse, I know, but….”

Patton didn’t like to be sad. Didn’t like to dwell on the terrible cards fate had handed him, instead choosing to look at the glass as half-full. He was raising his siblings with Janus. That just meant he got to be closer to them than normal siblings. He didn’t get to be a permanent teacher but a substitute. That just meant he got to make a positive impact in more kid’s lives.

But that could also be flaw. It meant that his grief had been pushed into a box, only taken out at intervals where it finally pushed the drawer open of it’s own accord. And grief was a fickle thing, and it never truly went away, no matter how long it ago the loss was.

Patton supposed today was just one of those days where the grief was just too much, and it got pushed out of him of it’s own accord.

Tears collected in the corners of his eyes.

“I miss you guys,” Patton choked out. “It’s not the same without you here.”

Patton knew him and Janus were no substitute for their parents. They tried their very best, but it…it wasn’t the same. They just were so young when they inherited the responsibility, and so inexperienced. They didn’t know what they were doing, and Patton knew somewhere along the line they were making mistakes. That sooner or later they would mess the others up so bad that it couldn’t be fixed.

If they hadn’t already.

Patton sniffled once and wiped at his tears.

“I wish you were still here,” Patton said. “I want you to just…I want to feel your hugs again. I want to just talk to you….to say goodbye.”

Patton was not able to say goodbye, which was something that prevented him for being completely at peace with what happened. He just wanted to people to tell them he loved them one final time. To let them know before they went on to what comes next that Patton would never forget them.

But he didn’t get that.

And he never would.

******

Remus took a bite of what the school passed off as pizza and flipped a page in his book. In the back of his head, he knew he should be studying for the math quiz he had next period, but Ray Bradbury was much more interesting than algebraic equations. ‘Asides, Logan was the smart brother anyway.

Remus had barely just managed to get through with his chapter when Roman plopped down in the seat across from him. Remus didn’t bother to look up, just taking another bite of his food and waiting for Roman to start talking.

“I cannot believe the cast for the upcoming spring musical!” Roman huffed. “Me – an ensemble member!” He scoffed and placed a hand on his chest overdramatically. “This is the face of a star, Remus! Not some common ensemble member!”

Remus gave Roman another moment in case his dramatic brother had something else to say, and then Remus swallowed another bite of his pizza.

“As someone who has the same face, I agree, yes, face of a star and all that jazz,” Remus started. “And secondly, it’s a middle school production of Annie, not on the Broadway, bro. You’ll survive.”

“It’s the principal of the thing, Rem!” Roman made another indignant noise and crossed his arms. Roman shook his head and reached to take a pepperoni off of Remus’s pizza, but the younger twin swatted away Roman’s hand.

“Get your own!” Remus defended and slid his lunch tray closer to himself. Roman leaned his head on his hand and gave a dramatic sigh.

“First, I am snubbed, and now my own twin brother won’t share his pizza with me!” Roman monologued to no one. “What has my life come to?”

Remus rolled his eyes and then he cut a look across the lunchroom, and he felt his soul leave his body. Because all the way across the lunchroom, standing by the door like he had every right to be there, was Logan.

As in, senior in high school, should not-be-here Logan.

“Logan?!” Remus whisper shouted. Roman furrowed his brow and turned to where Remus was looking.

“What are you—” And then Roman paled and turned around, bringing a hand up to cover his face in an attempt not to be spotted by their older brother.

“What is the Microsoft Nerd doing here?” Roman asked. “Did you get a text or somethi—”

“Remus, Roman,” Logan called out to them over the din of the lunchroom. He walked over to their table, his back straight and his lips drawn into a thin line. As usual, his countenance did nothing to give away how he was feeling. Logan stopped at the foot of their table, looking between them as a brief acknowledgement. “Grab your things, I’ve been given permission to sign you out.”

Roman raised a brow and crossed his arms.

“Why?” Roman asked.

“Virgil had an accident today at school and –”

Remus yelped, all the worse case scenarios running through his head. Virgil was the youngest of them all, in the third grade, and the most fragile due to his petite size. Any number of things could have happened to him. Was he hurt? Or was he –

The room was suddenly much too small, and there were too many people in it. Hot, runny tears pooled in his eyes and spilled over before he could stop them. He tried to speak, to say something, anything. But the words got caught in his throat and nothing would leave his mouth except the sound of dry heaving. There wasn’t enough air in this building, and he wanted more of it. So much more.

There was an accident. Last time there was an accident their parents had – Virgil – no –

A pair of hands fell onto his shoulders, and he looked up to see his twin staring back at him, concern littered across his features. Remus tried to get another breath but once again their wasn’t enough oxygen in the building to get into his lungs.

“Rem, Rem, it’s okay,” Roman called to him. “Remus! Take a deep breath for me, okay? Can you do that?”

Remus’s eyes were wide as he stared at Roman, and he could make out Logan over Roman’s shoulder. He could just barely make out the form of their elder brother and the concerned look on their face. Remus shook his head as he tried to gulp at the air around him and Roman griped tighter onto his shoulders.

“Alright then, just listen to the sound of my voice, okay? Focus on that for me, alright Rem?”

Remus shut his eyes and tried his best to focus on the sound of hid brother’s voice. They way it cracked and changed, the nuance of the way it bobbled with emotion.

“It’s okay Remus,” Roman whispered. Remus finally managed to take a large gulp of air and he relished in the feeling of it, and sucked in another breath and then another and then another. “You’re safe, we’re all safe.”

Logan whispered something, just soft enough that Remus could not hear what it was.

“Virgil is safe too. Just a broken arm.” Roman squeezed Remus’s shoulders even tighter, as if pouring all of his love and emotion into the gesture. “We’re all safe.”

Remus finally regained control of his breathing and he opened his eyes slowly, his cheeks still wet from the tears he had shed, and he focused in on the concerned look on his twin’s face. They were okay. Everything was okay. Roman had said so, and he could always trust Roman.

Born together. Friends forever.

******

“Janus?”

“Yeah Virgil?”

“Is it my fault? That mom is dead?”

“No.”

********

Logan was not the most emotional of the Sanders brothers, and that was not a fact that could be debated. The most emotional Sanders aware easily went to Patton, followed in a close second by the twins. Emotion just not come easily to the third eldest of the siblings. He was much better with facts and figures, things that could be easily compartmentalized into categories. It made it easier to control, easier to understand.

So, when he wrote his valedictorian speech, it was filled to the brim with facts and figures on graduating. How 77% percent of Florida teens graduated, and how likely it was to get a scholarship. Common statistics for finding a job or starting school. Not all in all the most uplifting of speeches, but it was what he came up with.

Because, as he said, he is not good with emotions.

But as he stared at the flash cards in front of him and the stilled auditorium of his high school, he felt more emotion than he had ever felt before, except for when his parents had passed.

He had not felt anything about starting the next part of his life. No one in his school he had been particularly close with, most people too frightened by his intelligence or unwilling to get to know him. So, he wasn’t leaving anyone behind he would miss with a burning passion.

It was a simply a stage in his life. A phase, a moment in time. Something that he would quickly forget as he went on into college and life beyond. As he lied in his deathbed, high school would be the farthest thing from his mind.

But as he stared out at the audience, he felt a bubble in his throat and his graduation robe was suddenly too tight.

This was over. No longer was he one of ‘the kids’, he was like Janus and Patton now. An adult, someone with responsibilities and could help care for the twins and Virgil in ways he couldn’t before. And that…. that frightened him more than he could express with words.

He swallowed thickly, and he caught a glimpse of his brothers in the second row. Patton was smiling proudly with tears in his eyes, his phone out as he took various pictures. Janus was next to him, much more subtle in his pride, but was smiling up at him all the same, kindness and warmth for once in his usually impassive expression. Roman and Remus looked a little bored as they watched, but were watching none the less, whispering words back and forth before shooting him a thumbs up.

And Virgil…

Virgil sat at the very end of the row; his eyes wide as he realized what the rest of his family hadn’t yet. Logan was choking. Logan for once was at a stumbling block he couldn’t step over. Emotion would be downfall in this moment.

Virgil tilted his head to the side and then nodded at Logan. A silent motion, one meant to guide him.

You got this Lo.

Logan bit his lip, then shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

And then he stated his speech.

*******

The birthday candles in front of Virgil glowed, a total of fourteen placed in the dark purple frosting. The lights created a soft orange glow that entranced the six brothers. Patton stood over Virgil; his knife ready to cut the cake. Roman and Remus sat across the table from Virgil, holding matching presents to give to the birthday boy, while Logan was a video monitor on the table, having been unable to make it back home from college for the weekend.

And Janus? Janus stood just inside from the kitchen, watching the whole exchange of everyone else singing happy birthday to Virgil. Janus mumbled along but kept his eyes focused on his youngest brother, trying to fathom how much time had passed since the youngest had been born.

Fourteen years. Fourteen long years. Fourteen short years. Years that Janus ached to relive so that he could watch more closely as his brother’s grew, and years that Janus had endured with the weight of worlds on his shoulders and wished he had never had. Fourteen paradoxical years, fourteen years that he had his baby brother Virgil.

Janus watched with a smile as the song ended, and Virgil blew out the candles. Roman and Remus, still mischievous as ever at eighteen, smiled wickedly and then each reached to swipe a finger across the frosting. They reached to smudge it across the birthday boy’s face, and he quickly dodged it, the twins laughing rambunctiously. Logan let out a sigh from the screen, and Patton was smiling despite his admonishments sent in the direction of Roman and Remus.

Janus grinned and put his hands in his pockets. This night fourteen years ago, things had fallen apart.

And somehow, they had managed to put the pieces back together.

“Janus!” Virgil called. “Can stand in the corner, or going to join us, you psycho?”

Janus bit his lip to hold back a laugh and stepped forward toward them.

“Coming, my dear little spider.”

Notes:

Chapter Bible Verse:

"Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:" -- 1 Peter 3:8

I've finally dipped my toe into Sanders Sides fics, and I hope y'all enjoyed. I might return to this fic one day and explore some more dynamics in this family, but I'm not sure yet. What do y'all think?

Accepting prayer requests if they are needed.

Questions, comments, or concerns? Let me know! Have a blessed day!

--PrincessChess

#sanders sides #Janus #remus sanders #Janus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #human au #tw panicking #tw panic attack #tw death #tw car accident #fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #my writing

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honey-dewey · 4 years ago

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Pregnancy Drabbles

I’ve decided to try and do one drabbles post every month, and this month ended up being pregnancy! As per the rules, these are 100 words each, and although I always do my best to make most, if not all, of my work gender neutral, this one does imply that the reader is AFAB (Except for Mando, because there’s probably at least one species in SW that has males get pregnant.) So yeah. Apologies for that, and I will be back to my gender neutral one-shots soon.

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy and labor (Obviously), and one drabble deals with miscarriage.

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

Din Djarin:

“You’re what?”

Din is surprisingly good with kids. He loves caring for the foundlings, and there’s Grogu. But he never imagined he’d ever be a biological dad. Like, ever. However, at the fact that you’re pregnant (confirmed by four tests), he immediately wants to protect the hell out of you.

Delivery day is so hectic. You’re in a hospital, and he abandons the creed so he can comfort you during delivery. It’s a baby girl! Din tears up when he gets to hold her, and you swear you’re never doing that again. Din, thankfully, agrees that one baby is enough.

Marcus Moreno:

(For more Marcus pregnancy shenanigans, read Christmas Miracle. Although, the drabble is mostly based off the story.)

“I think you’re pregnant.”

With one kid already, Marcus is experienced as hell. He immediately tells you he thinks you’re pregnant when he sees you eating pickles directly from the jar. Two tests confirm it, and you call him a wizard for weeks. To say Missy is excited is an understatement.

On delivery day, you’re cussing Marcus out. One baby turned into two, and suddenly, you’re having twins. He tries to coach you through, and finally, he’s allowed to hold the babies. Both identical girls, and both look exactly like their dad. You both agree that three kids is enough.

Max Phillips:

“We’re so lucky.”

Max can’t get people pregnant. At all.

That doesn’t stop him from asking for a surrogate because he really wants to be a dad. You agree, find a trustworthy surrogate, and when that test shows up positive, he is over the moon, and so are you.

Because the baby is fully human, you don’t have to have a Twilight delivery. Instead, you give birth to your son in Max’s bathtub because you couldn’t make it to the hospital fast enough. Max, ever the giant sap, cries his eyes out as he holds his first (and only) son.

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:

“Are you kidding?”

He would be so excited to have kids! He has a big family, and absolutely wants at least three kids.

So when you turn up pregnant, he’s crying with happiness.

After a long sit down, you agree to have three kids with Frankie, but no more than that. He’s happy all the same, no matter what.

Baby 1 is a boy, and so is Baby 2. Both boys were born in a hospital, surrounded by Frankie and his friends.

Baby 3 and 4 are unplanned twin girls, born in Frankie’s truck on the side of the highway.

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels:

“Why don’t we try again.”

Pregnancy is a touchy subject with Jack. But he finally agrees to have one baby with you after much discussion.

Unfortunately, you have a miscarriage. Jack’s in tears for weeks, and so are you. It takes years for you to get over the loss of your baby and admit you’re ready to try again.

This time, Ginger monitors everything, and when everything is healthy and safe for all nine months, you’re overjoyed, and so is Jack.

When Jack carries his tiny baby girl through the front door for the first time, you notice he’s crying.

Ezra:

“Little dove, I am so proud.”

He’s a dad! Aside from Cee, he’s childless. So the prospect (hehe) of a baby? Super exciting. He’s a worrier, of course, and will refuse to let you go on any jobs that aren’t guaranteed safe. In turn, he won’t take any dangerous jobs either.

Delivery day is a mess. You were out prospecting when your water broke. You’re crying, Ezra’s crying, Cee’s crying, and then the baby is born on the floor of your pod and everything is okay. Ezra’s son looks just like him, and you and him love it that way.

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrissey:

(I also wrote a very long story for Dio’s drabble! There are two Little Leather Boots stories that were written after I wrote this.)

“But, you can’t be!”

Somehow, between the condoms and the pills, you got pregnant. You were terrified to break the news to Dio. He’d always openly hated the idea of kids and he was kinda young.

He reacts to the news surprisingly well. Ten minutes of attempting to comprehend, and then thirty minutes with his hands against your belly.

Delivery day comes faster than it should, with a premature baby by about three months. Dio’s forced to pace outside the room until they let him see you and his daughter. At 5.2 pounds, she’s the smallest thing he’s ever held.

Javier Peña:

“He looks like you”

Javier’s so nervous. He’s not the best with kids, but when you get pregnant, he’s ready to learn. He’ll help Connie with Olivia, ask Steve for advice, and even go to his boss and demand less dangerous missions. He’ll read every parenting book he can.

He’s not there for delivery. He’s halfway across town with no escape while you’re holding Connie’s hands and screaming. When he’s finally able to get to you, he finds you holding a beautiful baby boy who looks exactly like you.

Of course, he’s secretly euphoric when his son has his eyes.

Maxwell Lord:

“It’s a miracle, darling.”

He’s got Alistair, and for a while, that was good enough. But then he gets envious of his pregnant secretary, and he turns to you. You’re down for it, and soon enough, there’s a positive test and celebration.

He’s got the very best doctors for your appointments and eventual delivery. You’re absolutely huge, and for good reason. After an emergency c-section, Maxwell is met with triplets.

Yeah. Triplets. Maxwell nearly faints seeing the three babies, all girls. They have his features and your eyes, with one being blonde like him and two being your hair color.

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utterlyinevitable · 4 years ago

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After seeing ur explanation for that anon i really want to see a fic or a hc of ethan as a dad and becca as mom can u please do it??

omg okay ahhh my babys having babies. this is gonna be long and idk if it’ll make sense bc imma jot down everything i know about domestic e&b.

[just finished and... this is long and broken down into 6 categories........... enjoy!]

Ethan & Becca as Parents

The Pregnancy

They didn’t plan on having children, it just kind of happened. Becca and Ethan took a day for the news to settle before they jumped into excited, expecting parents mode.

The most exciting part was renovating the condo to make the most perfect nursery and shopping for decorations and mentally planning all the traditions and things they’d love to give to their little family.

All of the happiness couldn’t mask the struggles of pregnancy.

Becca hated being pregnant. She was sick and nauseous constantly, and her back and feet always ached.

Throughout the whole thing Ethan doted on her; holding her hair back and learning how to tie it up in the way she likes, rubbing her back, running out to get whatever she was craving.

He even made copious amounts of notes about her eating patterns. Enough to keep two of everything in the condo.

If she was having a restless night, he would too; even if she was restless for non-human-growing reasons.

They were in this together.

And even when she was huddled over a garbage pail, dribble running down her chin, she never looked more beautiful to him.

There was just something about all this that made him feel all weird and fuzzy inside.

When her symptoms barely settled throughout the second trimester she overhauled her entire birthing plan. There was no way she was making it to 42 weeks. She was absolutely miserable. So she made a c-section appointment for 40 weeks.

She had an entire argument with Ethan one evening (she really was only yelling while he nodded his head). Her main points were: “It’s my body and the baby will be fine. I was born 6 weeks early and I turned out fantastic!” and “Once the baby’s out of me I’m still going to have to pee. Omg what if she rips me open!? How am I supposed to use the bathroom without worrying about my stitches?”

All he kept reiterating was: “I love you. I trust you and your instincts.”

Becca felt better as he held her face in his large hands, his calming azure eyes boring into hers and letting her know everything will be alight.

But deep down she spent the next few weeks since making the appointment wondering if she should have given vaginal birth a try. She didn’t want Ethan to resent her for chickening out of her body’s natural function.

The Birth

Becca made it to her c-section appointment. Happily rubbing her large belly and glowing: “I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore! Never do this to me again.”

All Ethan did was chuckle.

He was happy she was getting color back and that her symptoms finally settled enough for her to spend the last few weeks enjoying their daughters kicks. But oh my god was Ethan Ramsey terrified of being a father.

He wouldn’t tell Becca though. She was emotional and worried enough as is. Any and all his concerns were saved for the short conversations he had with his father. “Don’t overthink it, son. The moment you lay eyes on your daughter you’ll know what to do. It’s instinct. Biology. That was your best subject in school, wasn’t it?” Alan would joke.

The surgery went off without a hitch.

All of Becca’s hatred for the phenomenon of pregnancy vanished the second the nurse placed their daughter on her chest.

Rebecca was in awe. She made that! This little person came out of her! This little pink person that looks like a plucked chicken with a tiny tuft of brown hair was here and she was beautiful. The perfect combination of her and Ethan.

The embodiment of their love.

Dakota Dolores Ramsey was completely unplanned. Unplanned but not unwanted.

The first time Ethan Ramsey held his daughter time froze. The universe needed a minute to process the broad grin and full heart thumping rapidly from this stoic and reserved man.

The earth was about to spin the wrong way but then Dakota opened her eyes.

Everything was the way divinity had planned it.

At Home

Although Ethan and Becca lived a 10 minutes drive from Edenbrook, nearly a straight run, Becca forced him to drive as slow as possible.

Dakota was asleep and she needed to keep it that way.

Due to her stitches, Becca was forced to take things easy. No matter how many times she argued with Ethan that she was capable of menial tasks around the house.

Ethan would not let her lift a finger.

If Dakota needed a change he’d happily do it. if Becca was hungry he’d make her favorite.

“You had her to yourself for nine months. Let me take the next few days.” Becca went to retort, all she wanted was to hold her baby for the rest of eternity. She’d never tire of looking at her scrunched up potato face and watching as her features changed every moment of every day. “I promise to share.” “You better,” she kissed him as he tucked her into bed for a much needed nap.

The only thing he was forced to share with his partner was feeding duty - Becca was adamant on breast feeding. A bottle would not touch their daughters lips for months to come.

That in itself brought its own challenges.

Most nights Ethan laid in bed with Becca curled up at his side in one arm and Dakota resting on his bare chest.

Parenting was weird, but an exhilarating change.

Ethan couldn’t diagnose what he could have possibly have done right in his life to be this wholly happy.

The Second

Once Ethan and Becca had one child they were both itching for a second.

“You know what say: ‘if you have one you have to have two’.” “Is that so?” “You don’t want Dakota to have a sibling?” “I was an only child and look how I turned out.” “Emotionally stunted and certified loner?” she teased.

Truth be told, Ethan wanted another. He’s been thinking of giving his pride and joy a few siblings for weeks now. He just didn’t know how to tell Becca.

Becca complained frequently about how happy she was to not be pregnant, and often about how her scar healed funnily.

All of the signs pointed to her not wanting another. And Ethan was okay with that. He never expected to have one child. He’d cherish every moment of what’s been placed right in his fingertips.

He’ll let his soon-to-be wife choose their path. She’s dictated everything else thus far. Ethan was elated she chose him to be along for the ride.

After Dakota’s first birthday, when they made the decision to have another, they tried desperately to conceive.

“I really don’t want to have to deal with diapers for five years,” was Becca’s main reason for keeping the kids close in age. “We can try surrogacy.” Ethan offered, knowing how much she hated pregnancy. He didn’t want to push her into anything. “No. I have to do it. I’ll do it for our kids. But you owe me big time.”

And 14 months later Caroline Marie Ramsey made her grand appearance.

And Becca got her first push present.

The Last

It’s fitting that four years later Ethan and Becca were blessed with another surprise.

Her pregnancy with James Jonah was the smoothest of them all.

Of course that meant something had to go wrong.

At 34 weeks Becca went into premature vaginal labor.

Within six hours their baby boy arrived. 5lbs 2oz and looking like an alien.

Ethan almost lost them both after the fact.

Becca lost too much blood with the placenta and JJ was so tiny.

But the Lao’s were fighters and they pulled through. Ethan cried at her bedside once the harrowing 24 hours were up.

Becca stayed at the hospital for a week, Ethan and Alan bringing the girls to visit every single day.

JJ had to stay a few days longer and Becca refused to leave until she could bring her son home.

She went through her first experience with postpartum depression. Becca didn’t think anything could be worse than the mental toll her abortion had on her years earlier. But she was wrong.

She was so wrong.

All their friends chipped in to help take care of the kids while Ethan devoted his time to helping his wife. The couple went to therapy, sometimes together, other times Ethan sat in the waiting room as Becca worked through her emotions.

Months later, the parents were sitting at home. Ethan held their son and their daughters were curled on their laps: He muttered into his wife’s hair, “I’d like to have one more.” “Not with me you’re not,” she scoffed. “We’re outnumbered as is.”

JJ began to cry and the girls stirred. Dakota mumbling, “Tell the baby to shut up, I’m sleeping here.”

They couldn’t help but laugh and pull apart to put their whole world to bed.

Old and graying and spending more time at home with his kids, Ethan wanted just one more baby. Four was a strong, even number. He could have a whole daycare full of them - each one the best variations of him and Becca.

Becca had spent a large portion of her 30s childrearing and she’s done. Done with diapers and formula, especially. She loves her children more than anything but they’re exhausting. She can’t wait for them to be in school full time and she can have some more alone time with her husband. It’s been so long since it’s been just them too.

“Don’t hate me...” “I could never hate you,” Ethan said as he brushed a few strands of hair from his wife’s face. She swallowed and confidently said, “I want you to get a vasectomy.”

He agreed without further consideration. She made a very compelling argument.

Parenting

Ethan is the doting helicopter dad and Becca is doctor drill sergeant. The kids get away with nothing under their mother’s watch.

Ethan is very soft and adores his children. The grumpy attending could have a whole gaggle of them. He spoils his daughters rotten, picking up the newest doll and toy they’re obsessed with, and making them promise not to tell mommy.

The women in Ethan’s life get away with everything and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the girls were born, Ethan stepped back at work letting the better Dr. Ramsey have her career defining moments.

He took half days to pick the girls up from preschool and would bring them to the park or museums. He’d even try to teach them to cook their favorite recipes on cold, rainy days. He’d tire them out so that he and mom could tuck them in after dinner.

Ethan’s afraid of his son. He’s afraid the tot is going to turn out exactly like him - he’s the spitting image, except that his hair curls like his mother’s.

Instead of putting JJ in fulltime daycare, Ethan chose part time preschool. The girls were in primary school now and he’s taken a bigger step back from the hospital after the baby was born.

He devotes all his free time to teaching his son about all he knows and learning all he doesn’t.

Becca complains about the state of her vagina and stomach all the time. Never in front of the children but often enough Ethan knows the look on her face right before she says the same two lines.

Her favorite activity is building forts and taking the kids to the beach.

The holidays have never felt more alive with the full house. Ethan even became a Christmas and Valentines Day lover.

Becca loved watching him change over the years. Every new first they celebrated with each child, every one of their kids passions, Ethan would adopt them all and make it his mission to be a connoisseur of every facet.

Dakota sat her parents down one day with a serious topic of conversation: “Mommy, Daddy. I’m going to be a fashion designer.” “Will you?” “Yes. And I need to dress myself.” “As long as it’s weather appropriate, consider it done.” “And we need to get supplies.”

The conversation went on for 15 minutes with Ethan and Becca asking questions and Dakota making demands. Once they’ve settled on an agreement on how to make their daughter’s dream happen, Ethan retired to his office. He taught himself the basics of sewing.

Even with all the struggles of raising three children in a suburb of Boston while balancing very demanding medical careers, Ethan and Becca wouldn’t have it any other way. The life they carved out of all their complications was worth it.

All of this was inevitable.

And they wouldn’t take a moment for granted.

________________________________________

Um... this became bigger than intended... If you made it this far, thank you ♥

Masterlist

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble e @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @kaavyaethanramsey @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents @therookie @aylaramseycarrera @angela8754 @fireycookie @stateofgracious

Ethan:

@udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @hutchereverlark23 @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy @claredal424 @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @openheartthot @senseofduties @lilyvalentine @tsrookie @kalogh @aworldoffandoms @takemyopenheart t @casey-v @ramseyandrys @peaceinmidstofchaos

#Anonymous #asked #this was a lot of word vomit #did not edit at all #don't let this flop #reblog for the 3 kids ethan and becca need to support #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #open heart fanfic

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chelseaheskett · 4 years ago

Text

3:13PM, FRIDAY. MAY 15TH, 2020.

Chelsea couldn’t remember the last time her and Elliot had spent any good quality alone time together. Looking after their many small children—one being a particularly fussy premature baby—and putting the house on the market, and then moving didn’t allow much time for anything else. Love tokens be damned. Their first—and only—proper date night had happened a few days before Luca was born. It felt like a whole other lifetime ago, now. The restaurant and the hotel and the flowers and the gifts... Chelsea wasn’t hoping to replicate that here, because it had been a perfect night, but God, she missed her husband. Really missed him. Wanted, more than anything, uninterrupted, good quality time with him. It didn’t have to be anything special or overly romantic, it just needed to happen. It was long overdue.

Her Mom had become sort of a pushover ever since the hospital. Since they’d argued and Chelsea almost died. She practically jumped at the chance to do anything Chelsea asked of her. Suggested it sometimes, too, like she was trying to overcompensate. Said she’d be more than happy to look after the four babies, when Chelsea brought up the possibility of date night with Elliot. Told her to take the entire night, come pick them up in the morning. Or the afternoon, even! Sleep in, have a nice Saturday morning brunch with Elliot. Chelsea wasn’t about to say no to all that. She dropped the kids off after lunch time. It was a chore getting them all in the car, but for once Chelsea didn’t mind too much. She had a whole night with Elliot to look forward to. Kept her mind focused on that, instead.

They’d only been in the new place for about a week or so. Chelsea was still getting used to it. Getting acquainted with the noises certain floorboards made, or the way the walls creaked when the wind was strong outside. They had their own separate walk-in-wardrobes. Elliot’s was all suits hanging from coat hangers and patterned PJ pants folded in multiple different drawers. Uncharacteristically, Chelsea’s was still completely disorganised. Garbage bags full of maternity clothes sat against the wall—garments that had stretched across three different pregnancies. She wanted to throw them out, or donate them, or burn them, or something. Just wanted them gone. But she wasn’t sure whether or not that was a smart decision. Getting rid of them. Her and Elliot hadn’t had that conversation yet. They hadn’t had sex, either—not since the end of January, anyway, so maybe it didn’t even matter. Hand stuff didn’t count, okay! Yeah. Nothing like almost dying, having a baby in the NICU and chronic sleep deprivation to kill the mood, huh?

Chelsea stripped off her clothes and tossed them into the hamper, getting ready for a shower. Next to the hamper, and all the bags of her old maternity wear, was a full length mirror. Chelsea stood in front of it, fingers skimming over the c-section scar across her abdomen. The darkened stretch marks, the loose skin. The way her body sagged. Very attractive. Chelsea stared at her reflection, picking herself apart inside her head. Feeling absolutely disgusting. Talk about killing the mood. She shook her head at her appearance. Her eyebrows dipped, close to crying. The house was so quiet without the kids around that she could hear her breath accelerate, could hear the negative thoughts formulate. Could hear it when the front door to the house unlocked, and squeaked open and closed.

Chelsea jumped, slightly panicked (and completely naked), wondering who was at the door. Macy and Amy both had keys, for safety reasons. So did her Mom, but Chelsea could only hear one set of footsteps. No toddlers. An intruder? Someone finally coming to put her out of her misery? She tore one of her dressing gowns off a hanger in the wardrobe and tightened it around her body. It was pastel pink and fluffy and, for now, it’d have to do. She poked her head out of the hallway, staying silent. Stealthy. Yeah, someone came to put her out of her misery, alright—but it was no intruder. It was Elliot.

“Hey, you’re home early!” Chelsea immediately relaxed, leaning forward against the door jam. All tension in her body disappeared. She smiled, watching him for a moment before coming around the corner. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” She mused, hugging the robe close to her body. Her bare feet padded against the floor, making her way over to properly greet him. He had his suit jacket folded over his arm, holding his briefcase, and a paper bag of some sorts in his other hand. His tie was loose and a little askew. Elliot tossed all of his belongings onto the couch to free up his arms, just in time for Chelsea to hug him. “Hi, baby.” She hummed into the crook of his neck. Held him as close as possible. They stood like that for a long while, swaying in their embrace. “How was your day?”

#elliot #elliot 26 #interaction #BATH THREAD TIME!!!!!!!!

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captainscanadian · 5 years ago

Text

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Epilogue 1)

My Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: Meet Portia.

Word Count: 3483

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Wanda, Natasha, Sam, Steve, Pepper

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse, Childbirth, Premature Baby

A/N: I’d like to thank @take-me-to-ny for the idea of the first half of this epilogue. I know you’ve all been looking forward to finally meeting Portia and her time has come!

2 Years Later...

His heavy eyes were glued to the cardiac monitor before him and his soft pink lips parted slightly when he let out a shaky breath. He blinked away the slumber that threatened his eyelids as he looked over at Sharon Carter. “Push one of epi.” Dr. Barnes was rather hopeful as he watched the nurse push the syringe of Epinephrine into the premature infant’s delicate body, his eyes darting back to the monitor before he let out another sigh of disappointment. “No change. Heart rate’s at a thirty.” He knew that at twenty weeks, it was highly unlikely for this newborn to survive. At this rate, she probably had another hour or two before he would have to call it. But Bucky was not willing to give up, at least not yet.

The Dr. Barnes who had once claimed to have a cold dead heart would have given up at this point. But he was a different man now. Gone were his signature locks of dark hair? His beard rarely made an appearance nowadays, for he was always clean shaven. Rumor had it that it was his wife, the other Dr. Barnes, had once told him that she preferred his clean shave over the light stubble. Apparently, he had been shaving every single morning ever since in order to keep his wife happy. A husband of every woman’s dream, he really was.

His wedding band had been removed from his left ring finger when he had gotten into work that morning, but the tan mark was still quite evident. It had been burned into his skin by now, reminding everyone he came across that he was a married man. He was no longer the carefree Casanova of the hospital or the workaholic who always snooped around the premises to find a reason not to go home after his shift ended. He had built himself a whole life away from work now.

“She’s not going to make it, is she, doc?”

Bucky shook his head at Sharon. “At this rate, she could only keep going on for another hour or two.” He informed with a frown. “But I’m not giving up that easily...” He was well aware that both the mother and the father of this preemie were currently in surgery, having suffered a handful of serious injuries. They had been brought into the ER after an unfortunate car accident, causing Pepper to perform an emergency c-section on the mother to save their little one. He was unsure if either one of three of them would survive at this point, but he was hopeful. He was sure that her parents would want her to survive this and live on. After all, as a father to be himself, he would always want his child to live on. Knowing what it meant to be a father had really changed his perspective on how to be a doctor. Once again, he would give you the credit for making him better. “We still haven’t tried the oldest treatment in the book.”

Sharon had given the man a look of utter confusion, for she had been sure that they had tried everything that was medically possible to ensure that this newborn survives the day. She saw the numbers; she knew how common it was. Preemies who were delivered so early rarely make it through the first twenty four hours after birth. “What treatment?”

“I mean the treatment that a mother should always give her child.” He replied with a soft chuckle, tugging off his bright pink NICU gown. “But in this case, it will have to be me...”

Her eyes grew wide as she watched him remove his scrub shirt and toss is aside. “Bucky, what the hell are you doing?”

“Shhh!” He was quick to place his index finger against his lips. “Have you ever heard of the kangaroo care? Kangaroos keep their babies against their bodies. Skin on skin contact is proven to help newborns thrive. You know, that’s why babies are often laid on the mother’s chest right after they’re born. We encourage skin on skin contact to... allow for the mother and child to have this bond, yes, but also because of physiological reasons. This method was used long before incubators were invented and it is a lot more effective.” He told her. His large hands were gentle as they scooped up the tiny human; her head was barely the size of the palm of his hand. But he held her gently against his bare chest. “When I hold her like this, she’s able to... feel my warmth and her body picks it up too. She can feel my heart beating against her and... her little heart would also pick it up.” He motioned towards the monitor, the numbers finally having changed as the infant’s heart rate began to increase. “See that? This little one’s not ready to give up.”

“Oh... wow. That’s crazy... that’s amazing, she just... she’s really... I can’t believe I never knew about this until now.” The blonde haired nurse was slightly surprised, but she turned over to look at him when a smile. “You’re going to be such a good dad and you know that, right? You’re going to be the best dad in this whole entire world, man. You’re... so prepared and so... good with kids. You’re so good with kids. I still remember when Sarah was born and Steve made you the godfather. Boy, you were terrified about the responsibility but now, you’re... you’re going to be the best dad.”

Bucky let out a chuckle as he paced slowly back and forth, looking down at the newborn as he spoke softly. “Hey, little one... I know it’s scary, I know you’re fighting... but you’re not alone, no. I got you... I’m here and... We’re going to get through this, okay? We’ll get through this together.” Holding onto this child at that moment, he could not help but wonder how it would feel to hold his own child in his hands one day. He had finally finished with the nursery last night and it was only a matter of time until you went into labor. He was excited for this new chapter in life, for fatherhood and for the two of you to have your little family.

As he was snapped out of his thoughts, he was quick to notice that he had managed to gather a small audience within the NICU. It was only a matter of seconds before a crowd had formed outside as well, those who passed by the NICU pressing their faces against the window to get a better look at the handsome doctor who stood shirtless with a newborn child. What a show! Some of the other nurses who had been keeping an eye on the newborns watched him rather fondly, the older ones nodding with approval. They were all aware that this man’s wife, their beloved Y/N, was due to give birth in a day or two.

Sam had been the first one to walk into the NICU in search of Sharon, his brows furrowed at the sight of his shirtless friend before his lips curled into a smirk. “I thought Y/N was the one who was pregnant. When did you start to lactate?” He asked with a mocking tone in his voice, leaning in to peck his girlfriend’s lips. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hi.” Sharon giggled at his remark.

“I’m saving a life here, Wilson.” He had told him with an eye roll.

“Right, you’re saving one life and... killing all the ladies.”

Then it had been Natasha, who had followed Sam into the NICU and just stood there with her hands on her hips. “Yeah... that’s right, fellas. My best friend bangs all of that!” She had announced as she motioned towards Bucky before turning to see the small crowd of interns. “Let’s move along! The abs and the man have been off the market for ages!”

Bucky let out another laugh as he walked up to her. “Romanoff, really?”

“You know, I just overheard an intern telling another one that you were standing half naked in the NICU. I just needed to see it to believe it.” She told him with a laugh. “Man, you do love a good audience, don’t you?”

Continuing to pace back and forth, he rolled his eyes at her. “I’m only doing what is professionally necessary, Natasha. I’m giving skin on skin contact to a newborn whose parents are both in surgery. It’s as simple as that.” As he turned over towards the door, his lips curled into a smile at the sight of you walking up to him. He had always believed that it was a myth for a woman to be glowing during pregnancy. But he had come to learn how true it was seeing you like this.

“Professionally necessary... right.” Sam snickered, hearing the commotion behind him and turning around to see you. “Of course, they run when they know they can’t be ogling at you with your wife around...”

Nine months pregnant and glowing as brightly as ever, your hand resting protectively over your bump as your swollen feet treaded across the tiled floor of the NICU. You smiled when you saw your husband, the way he stood shirtless with a newborn pressed against his chest making your heart swell. “Oh God...” You felt your eyes glaze over. “Is that the preemie?”

He gave you a nod. “Yeah, it’s her. She’s a little fighter.”

“Steve and Tony told me to let you know that the parents are okay. The police have contacted the family and they should be here soon.” You informed him, quickly wiping away your tears. “Sorry, my hormones are really...” Seeing that baby only made you want your baby to come sooner. You knew that it would only be a less than a week until your little girl would be born. But seeing Bucky like this did not help much.

Natasha watched you for a moment before wrapping her arm around you. “Seeing him like this just gets the oxytocin going, doesn’t it?”

You winced slightly as you felt a trickle down your legs, your eyes growing wide at the realization of what had just happened. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment, but you could care less about it. “Oh yeah... it sure does.” You looked over at Nat and then at Sam, swallowing the lump in your throat as you looked down at your feet. “Um... shit. This is really happening. This is really happening right now.” Who would have thought that seeing your husband shirtless and holding a newborn would cause you to go into labor?

“Oh shit, Y/N!” Natasha gasped as she looked down at your feet before looking back up at Bucky. “Barnes, why don’t you let the nurses take over for you and put your fucking shirt on?”

Bucky’s eyes grew wide as he quickly nodded, handing his little patient to Sharon and reaching for his scrub shirt. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Thank God, this happened down the hall from Pepper’s office.”

One of the other nurses brought over a wheelchair for you to sit down.

“James!” You reached for his hand as he quickly put his shirt on, the tears continuing to stream down your face. “James, I can’t. I can’t... what if I’m not a good mom? What if... what if I turn out to be just like her? What if I... what if I ruin her life?”

“Are you out of your mind?!” Nat scolded you as she began pushing the wheelchair out of the NICU. “Honey, you’re going to be the best mom on the whole fucking planet. And look at this one; he’s going around giving skin on skin contact to these preemies. Just imagine how much more he’d do to your own kid.”

You knew that she was right. Your James was a perfect man in every way and you knew that he would be the best father your child could have asked for. “I know... but-”

“Y/N...” He cut you off as he stopped Nat from pushing your wheelchair and knelt down to reach you. His hands cupped your tear stained cheeks. “Hey, listen to me... we’re going to do this right now and we’re going to do this for the rest of our lives. We’re going to be the best parents our little angel could have asked for, because we’re better than that. We’re better together and we’re going to do this together, okay?”

You looked down at him as you sniffled, nodding your head slightly. “Promise me that she won’t ever... ever be put in a position where she would need to jump out of her bedroom window because freezing to death seemed to be a better option than living with us.”

“I promise... and you know, I’d never break that promise. I’ll love her more than I love you and I’ll always show her how much she’s loved.” He told you as he wiped away your tears with his thumbs. “I won’t let her go...”

As Bucky walked out of the OR after scrubbing out, it felt as though an entire day had passed while he had been in surgery. But it had only been four hours according the clock that was hanging on the wall before him. Four long hours since he had left your bedside to perform surgery on a patient whom he had been working with since had been a resident. One would think that being a new dad for a whole day would mean that he would finally jump at the chance of taking a break from work. But he could not stop worrying about that patient and you had insisted that you would be right where he left you when he got back.

Wanda Maximoff had been waiting for him as he walked down the hallway, handing him a cup of coffee as she followed him towards the elevator. “Don’t worry; it’s a lukewarm vanilla bean latte. Just chug it down before you get to the maternity ward and you can thank me later.” She told him with a chuckle, seeing his reaction when he accepted the cup from her. “You’re going to need to stock up on all of that caffeine for the next few weeks, dad.”

“How is she?” He asked her, downing his beverage in one go as he entered the elevator.

“Which ‘she’ are we talking about?”

“Both.” He replied, rolling his eyes at her as he tapped his foot anxiously. It had only been four hours since he had last seen his girls but it felt like more than that. He felt really impatient.

“Well, the mom... is okay. The bleeding has stopped a little, but she’s still in pain. I mean, why wouldn’t she be? She’s had to...” She let out a sigh, making awkward hand motions that could clearly not express what she was trying to imply. “My niece is an angel though. She sleeps like her mother but she doesn’t let her mother sleep, not that Y/N wants to sleep anyways. She needs it but she’s... can you go in there and convince her to get some sleep? Her body just went through one hell of a change and she needs to get as much rest a she can.”

Bucky let out a chuckle at Wanda’s words. “Got it.” As he got out of the elevator, he tossed his coffee cup in the trash can nearby before jogging down the hallway to where your hospital room was.

Portia Natalia Barnes was born at 11:28 am, almost two days ago now. She was crying at the top of her lungs as she came into this world, making up for all the quiet tears that her mother had shed during her childhood. The first time her father came in contact with her, his left hand had been clutching tightly onto her mother’s. His right hand had taken the scissors from Pepper to cut the umbilical cord. When she had been handed to her mother, she had stopped crying in an instant. It was as though she knew that her mother’s arm was where she was the safest. Her mother would keep her safe no matter what.

She weighed six pounds and nine ounces, a tiny little thing in your arms even though she had taken more than a push and a few tears to be brought into this world. Motherhood really was a reward to all that pain. “Portia.” You had whispered the moment you saw her, turning over to look at your husband. You both knew that there was no other name in this world that she could have.

When Bucky reached your hospital room, he had walked in to see his little girl fast asleep in your arms. He noticed that your eyes were heavy and he frowned, walking into the room to sit down at the edge of your bed. “You look a lot better than the last time I saw you, doll.”

“You look exhausted, James.”

“That is something to get used to.” He told you as he leaned over to gently kiss your forehead, his arm gently wrapped around your shoulder as he leaned his back against the pillow. “Those were the longest four hours of my life.”

“You should probably talk to Steve about going on that paternity leave. I don’t like that he’s making you work during a time like this.” You joked, your voice so quiet as to not wake her up. But she really was a heavy sleeper, like you, though you could not figure out how she manages to notice when you set her in the cot. Two days old and your little Portia had already gotten the intelligence of her namesake. “What a hypocrite.”

“Sorry, I had to leave like that. I’ve known the patient since I was a resident and I couldn’t not... be there, you know?” He told you as he bit down on his lip. He hated to have left you alone with your new daughter like that, even if it was for a few hours.

“Why are you apologizing, James?” You asked him as you shook your head. “You know I would have done the same thing, even though I... I can’t even stand up without feeling sore between my legs, let alone stand in the OR for hours on end.”

“If you had pulled something like this, I wouldn’t have let you go.” Bucky chuckled softly and looked down at Portia, his free hand gently rubbing against her head. He was extremely cautious, not wanting to hurt her even the slightest. He could not believe how the two of you had managed to create such a beautiful thing. “How is she?”

“She... hates sleeping in the cot and she cries unless I’m holding her. I’m pretty sure likes being watched when she’s asleep and Sam was insistent that she gets that from me.” You replied as you let out a yawn. “But she’s a heavy sleeper otherwise. I think she just... knows the difference between me and the cot already. It’s crazy.”

He noticed how tired you looked and nodded. “Let me hold her, doll. Rest your arms a little. You look like you need some sleep and... I just chugged an entire cup of coffee. I’ve got her.”

You nodded, smiling fondly at your husband, the father of your child, the love of your life. A wise man had once told you that we were all capable of building better lives for ourselves than what life had to offer us. You believed it now. Your life really was better.

Taking Portia from you, Bucky gently rested her against his chest while his free hand still held onto yours.

As you dozed off next against his shoulder, he looked down at his newborn daughter with a smile. “Hey, baby girl.”

Portia, who had woken up from the movement, did not make a sound as she starred up at her father. The way her wide eyes were glued at him, it was as though she had recognized him too. She felt safe in his arms as much as she felt safe in yours.

“I promise you, Portia. You might not remember this when you’re older but... I want you to know that I’ll make sure that your childhood is a thousand times better than your mother’s. I’ll make sure that you know how much you’re loved until the day I die. I love you and your mother so much and I’ll always do right by you both.” He told her softly as he nodded, leaning down to gently press his lips against her tiny forehead. “You are loved so much, baby girl. You’re loved so much by your old man.”

#aj writes #better #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #doctor!tony #better!bucky #dad!bucky

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adventure-hearts · 5 years ago

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Epilogue Celebration: “Couples”

The Epilogue is my favourite timeline for Sora x Yamato, so ofc I’m going to use this prompt as an excuse to talk about them. But how do you sum up a vision built on almost 20 years of headcanons and stories? Here is my modest attempt...

“State of The Art”

As of 2028, Sora and Yamato (40) have been together for around 10 years. The exact timeline of the relationship depends on which of them you ask; when they got back together at the end of the 2010s, they took a while to go from a no-strings-attached relationship to being an official couple. It took them even longer to decide to get married, since both were pretty wary of marriage.

When, after a few years of dating, Yamato was assigned by JAXA to an astronaut training course in France, he asked Sora to come and live with him. Making things legal made immigration bureaucracy less complicated, so they just took the extra step and eloped. The only witnesses at their wedding were their Digimon partners (something Takeru cries over to this day)! They lived in France for a few years and had two kids, Hana (6) and Ren (3), who were born there. During this period, Yamato, who had a position at the European Space Agency, completed two space trips, while Sora worked at a big Parisian fashion house.

In 2025, after Yamato’s international assignment ended, they relocated to Japan, and Sora decided to start her own fashion label, to great success. Since both make decent money, they now live in a lovely house with a garden and have a comfortable financial situation. This is where we find them at the time of the Epilogue.

Raising the Kids

Sora was initially scared of becoming a mother. Growing up with everyone treating her as a “mom friend” and feeling responsible for the well-being of others, in addition to the pressures of belonging to the Takenouchi family, she was hesitant to have a child unless she was sure she would not mess it up. Yamato, on the other hand, craved kids (being very fond of his nephew Théo) and secretly dreamed of having a child with Sora, but didn’t push the subject much until Sora decided for herself.

Sometime after Hana’s birth, after it was clear that they both were made for parenthood, they were happy to expand the family, but there were a few health issues during pregnancy and childbirth. Baby Ren was born premature from an emergency c-section, and they were told conceiving again was very unlikely. So, with some regret, the Takenouchi-Ishida family was complete.

Sora and Yamato are usually on the same page when it comes to raising Hana and Ren. They value their happiness and freedom above everything else, and living abroad influenced them and made them have a pretty modern approach to parenting.

Yamato was raised with practically no rules or adult supervision, and Sora was the opposite, so they try to find a balance for their kids. It’s usually Sora who enforces rules, because Yamato is very easily manipulated by the kids who tend to get their way around him every time. By contrast, Yamato is the hands-on, overprotective dad who truly believes his children to be faultless and superior to all other kids, something Sora tries to balance a little to make sure the kids are polite and unspoiled.

It isn’t always easy to juggle work-family balance, but they have a lot of help and support from their parents, especially since they moved back to Japan. Hiroaki, in particular, is a keen baby sitter, but all four grandparents almost fight over who gets to watch the kids when Yamato and Sora are working!

Relationship Dynamics

Sora and Yamato are very passionate and devoted to each other (after all, they’ve been in love since they were teenagers, even though it took them a long while to get together), but they also have a somehow atypical relationship. They aren’t openly demonstrative in public. They were the last of the group to start a family. They don’t share a last name (because Sora is an only child and heir to an important iemoto family, like her mom, she didn’t change her name after marriage; a recent law allows Yamato to keep his birth name, but the kids are Takenouchi). They eloped instead of having a big wedding. They have demanding careers that involve traveling abroad and off-planet. They happen to both be former Chosen Children (although Sora “retired” from Digimon business in 2010).

This means that they are pretty independent, and they are used to spending time away from each other. The saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is key here! Yamato and Sora make sure to treasure every second they do spend together and enjoy it to the max. Friends joke they are weird, but behind closed doors they are constantly on the honeymoon phase, because they don’t really have time to get bored with each other.

Supporting each other’s careers is an important aspect of the marriage. They are both passionate about their jobs. Sora made it clear, from the start, that she would not be willing to get married or have kids if that meant sacrificing her dream of becoming a fashion designer or that she wouldn’t accept anything other than an egalitarian partnership with her husband and co-parent. Luckily, Yamato is a good housekeeper and sharing chores hasn’t been much of a problem here (though she still struggles with some of the habits he acquired living with his Dad). Sora is also very understanding of Yamato’s dangerous job and can handle it better than most (though of course she worries!).

Although Sora moved across countries for the sake of Yamato’s job, and has to take care of the kids alone when he was off in space (which required her to postpone her career plans for some time), Yamato was also the main person who supported her decision start her own fashion house in Japan. Nowadays, he’s usually the one who misses work to stay home with the kids while Sora works weekends and late nights, running her growing fashion empire.

Yamato has only been on one space travel since the kids were born (he spent eight months away from home in 2026) and now has a very flexible schedule that lets him spent lots of time at home. This coincided with the period when Sora was building her brand and achieving success, and so was more busy than ever. They try to arrange their schedules so they don’t spend more than two weeks apart and Sora devotedly schedules “dates” so they have quality time together. But both know it’s inevitable that he will be called again, especially if a threat appears or if world governments decide to invest in a Mars mission, so this work-family balance may face some challenges in the near future.

For them, emotional distance can be more of a problem than physical distance. They tend to avoid discussing problems and fears when they aren’t together, and so sometimes they feel a little isolated with their feelings. Sora often feels very overwhelmed with her many responsibilities (running a successful label alongside with helping her aging mother with the Ikebana school), but is too proud to ask for anyone’s help, and can feel disgruntled when she feels Yamato isn’t paying enough attention to her. Meanwhile, when Yamato has an important work-assignment in his hands, he throws himself headfirst and can become distant. He often feels guilty for neglecting his wife and kids and worries about not being present enough, because his fear is that history will repeat itself.

Rest assured, though, because marital problems are a rarity. Years have helped them communicate better and they know each other inside out; this a mutually satisfying, supportive, and harmonious marriage all around.

Random Couple Headcanons for the other Chosen

Miyako & Ken - Happily married eternal lovebirds; the kind that don’t shy away from embarrassing their kids in public.

Mimi - Surprisingly uninterested in serious romantic relationships, she decided to have a baby on her own.

Takeru - Went through the marriage, baby, and divorce phase while still in his mid-twenties. His ex-wife is a French Chosen Child who lives in Japan, and who has since remarried. They have a very friendly relationship for the sake of their son and share 50/50 custody. Since his divorce, Takeru enjoys the single life to the max, without any desire for a serious relationship with anyone except maybe one woman.

Taichi - Recently went through a litigious divorce and is having trouble with his ex-wife. He’s been trying to make sure his son isn’t affected by this, and has been relying a lot on his sister and his closest friends for moral support.

Koushirou - Married a fellow researcher and is by all accounts very happy.

Jou - Happily married his high-school sweetheart, who is also a doctor.

Iori - His wife was one of Miyako’s former co-workers and her protegée, and she now stays home and manages the family. They married very young because they didn’t see a point in waiting to have a committed and stable family.

Hikari - Married an older man who died suddenly of cancer a few years back. She lives with her parents who help her raise her little boy. Has a lot of suitors.

Daisuke - Never married, but had a son with an ex-girlfriend when he was pretty young. He’s currently engaged to a handsome, wealthy American restaurateur named Dave.

#DigimonEpilogueCelebration #shipping

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femboyyghostface · 5 years ago

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So according to the ST novel Best Destiny, in TOS Jim was born one month early (due to Winona tripping over a pig on a farm. Yeah), which means that in AOS/Kelvin Timeline Jim was born four months early.

TOS DOB: 22 March

AOS DOB: 4 January

EST DD: ~ 22 April

That puts Jim being born roughly 15 weeks and three days early, so 24 weeks 4 days into Winona’s pregnancy.

Even with Trek level medicine, Jim was a micro-preemie.

Babies born at 24 weeks have about a 39% survival rate.

If a baby is born at 24 weeks, that is before the lower respiratory system is functioning, Jim would’ve had to have been on respiratory support for a while, and considering they were on a shuttle, granted I haven’t watched the movie in a couple months, but I don’t think they would’ve had the proper equipment on hand, but assuming they did because James T. Kirk still lived to piss people off-

Being born premature can lead to learning disabilities, vision/hearing problems (although at 24 weeks hearing is fully developed, but his eyes are still at risk, especially given Jim’s notorious allergies and possible lack of being able to be treated), heart problems, respiratory problems, immune system problems, developmental disorders like autism/adhd, various other chronic illnesses, and roughly 30% of preemies are born with Cerebral Palsy

He’d have been maybe a pound and a half, probably around nine inches.

And this is all just with him surviving the birthing process which is wild because usually at this stage he’d have to have been a c-section.

All I’m saying is that yeah it’s possible that Jim Kirk is perfectly fine and all (even with his allergies), but how the fuck, even with 24th Century medicine, does he not have more medical problems that directly impact his life.

#my sister was born three months early and she had a lot of problems #and as someone whose lungs were Not Developed when i was born that shit does NOT go away #medical tw #preemie tw #infant death mention #health tw #disabilties #star trek #james t. kirk #meta

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mumofadaofficial-blog · 6 years ago

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The Gap Filler

Firstly, a massive thank you to everyone that has read my first post! Your messages and comments have been overwhelming and you will never know how much it means to me to know that you all care enough to read our story - you guys are friggin amazing!! And I am so pleased to see that what I am doing seems to be helping or comforting others in some sort of way.

SO - last time I took you through Adas birth and getting her home. I touched very very briefly on the stressful time we had before Ada came off oxygen so I want to give you a run down on that. As traumatic as Adas entrance into the world was, life didn’t seem to get much easier for us and I think it almost completely fried my brain, but hey, we’re all crazy in one way or another right?!

Going back to KL hospital was an exstremely hard thing for me. The memories of what had happened there were still very fresh and very raw. Ultimately though, if it hadn’t of been for the team of people that initially worked on her, she wouldn’t be here today. So I sucked it up, put on my big girl pants and was ready to give it another chance.

There was definitely a big difference to Norwich, mainly I would say communication issues that I’m hoping lessons have been learnt from now. From going through this I have realised that parents really need to be included and told what is happening every step of the way, something which I think can easily be overlooked. When your Childs life is in the hands of someone else you NEED to know what is happening.

I don’t want to dwell too much on the things that were done wrong once we returned but it was a struggle and no parent should have to feel like they are battling with the providers of your Childs care - my advice would be to stand your ground, be strong, ask as many questions as you want and make sure you are happy with the answers and information given.

I also think its important to remember that not all people take the same pride and care in their job as others do, so we always tried to make a point of thanking the people that went the extra mile for us.

On the day that we were finally able to take Ada home we were not allowed to do so until she had undergone an MRI scan on her brain, we were told this was just routine. There wasn’t much explanation as to why. Instantly you think to yourself ‘omg, whats wrong?’ ‘Is there something wrong with her brain’ ‘is this routine or are they hiding something from me’ After doing research and asking questions, it is a routine thing to happen after a baby has been starved of oxygen at birth. Thankfully with Ada there was no signs of damage to her brain in the initial overview and this was then backed up by a specialist team at Nottingham (you still can’t stop your brain from thinking ‘what if?’ Whilst waiting to get those results back). After this she then had to have blood tests and a scan on her liver due to certain enzymes not being at an appropriate level. Without sounding thick, I didn’t even know what that meant and my head was just not processing anything properly. The information given to us on what would happen if it didn’t sort itself out was also very patchy.

Now taking a new born home on oxygen is bloody tough, you find yourself confined to your bedroom or to the lounge, the rooms where we had the oxygen canisters. And you feel very restricted and trapped. So much so that I pretty much only went to my mum and dads or to Tesco if I was feeling super brave. Trying to get a baby out of the car is hard enough when you’ve never done it before, let alone having a back pack with oxygen in it too. Personally we felt that we couldn’t travel up north to see Nathans family as it would be too hard, so unfortunately people had to miss out. Trying to run a house when confined to those two rooms is very hard, that whole sleep whilst the baby sleeps is not even a real thing! When Ada was sleeping I wanted to do my washing, clean up, eat something or even just sit outside and have a coffee. Looking back, I wish I had relaxed a bit more and just thought fuck it! Those jobs were not going to please anyone but myself. Being easier on myself after having a c section would probably of been a better option and I shouldn’t of pushed myself to do so much when it was sometimes really hard to do so. Thankfully Nathan was a good team mate and I have lovely family and friends who all tried to keep me sane and help as much as possible in the process.

In order to assess how Ada was coping and trying to wean her off oxygen it meant having weekly 24hr assessments on an oxygen monitor at home. If you haven’t ever had any experience with one of these its a clever, annoying as shit, little machine that shows her oxygen saturation levels via a sensor on her foot. If they drop below 90 it makes the loudest most annoying bleep you’ve ever heard…great when you’ve just got her to sleep and shes moved and knocked her sensor off 🙄. They are used a lot on premature babies, however, Ada was a full term, strong bruiser of a baby who really enjoyed throwing her feet around and getting into massive strops! (I have absolutely no idea where she gets her attitude from?!) It soon became apparent that trying to get accurate readings from the machine with the amount of movement she was making was going to be hard. The machine would go back, data would be downloaded and the readings were not accurate enough due to movement. It felt like a constant ACCESS DENIED. Back to stage 1, which is really hard on your mental state and emotions when you are desperate to get your baby better. This would mean we would have to repeat the 24hr process and her oxygen level couldn’t be reduced, even though as her parents we knew she was ok and capable. I was left with no choice but to provide a written documentation of EVERY movement that made her sensor drop throughout the 24hr period, sometimes meaning I wouldn’t sleep just to be able to prove that she was doing well. We’re talking like mental person sending in four A4 pages of movements! This went on for weeks, the longer it went on, the stronger Ada was getting and the harder it was to get the readings. At the time she was also struggling with silent reflux which seemed to play up especially for us on the days she had her monitor on - thank god we have now found infant gaviscon!!

As well as trying to cope with the oxygen there was a lot of different appointments at home, the hospital and doctors. Blood test for her liver enzymes again, health visitor, collecting oxygen monitor, hip scan, monitor again, physio, dropping monitor off, monitor again, dropping it off, another blood test, monitor again, health visitor, monitor again, immunisations, monitor again, physio, monitor again, consultant appointment, blood test, another hip scan, more immunisations, monitor again and physio - you get my drift and I’ve probably missed some out! Whilst all of these appointments were happening I was then having to chase for answers and information on the outcomes of all of these as the communication was very poor. But if you ask enough questions and make enough phone calls, eventually someone will answer you and you will find out what you need to know. Personally I don’t think it should have to be like that and it makes the situation a million times more stressful. But I do understand that staffing levels don’t always allow you to be the main concern and if your out of sight you can often be out of mind.

Gradually throughout all of this and my crazy note writing Ada was weaned down off her oxygen one step at a time, then it was stopped in the daytime so she only had to go on it at night.

Finally on the 27th of September we got the call that I had been longing to get! Adas consultant was happy for us to turn her oxygen off, completely! No messing around at night, no more changing plasters and making her face sore (making you feel like the worst person in the world), no more fighting to put her cannula up her nose and no more sleepless stressful nights with a monitor bleeping in your ear! I cried and then rang Nathan and cried a bit more, then I probably rang anyone else in my phone book that would answer, and you guessed it, cried some more. For once throughout this they were tears of happiness and relief. She had finally done it, our miracle baby had stuck her fingers up to the world and smashed it! In the words of the king that is George Michael ‘You got to have faith’ 😉

Now, our only reason to go to the hospital is for extra immunisations against bronchiolitis, unpleasant, but better than her being hospitalised again or poorly. And for routine check ups with her consultant which will happen until Ada is 2.

Deep breath for this part.

The effect that this has had on me has been unreal, and although Ada is fighting fit it still isn’t easy. I was always quite ignorant to issues involving mental health and was one of those ‘just get on with it’ people. I’ve now realised that sometimes this just isn’t possible. When something in your life has been so traumatic and so stressful it can be really hard to deal with and process, my main concern was Ada and to worry about me later. It is also very easy for people to say ‘she’s fine now so don’t worry’ but you do (please don’t take offence if you have said this to me!).

Hiding your feelings and pretending everything is ok is not healthy for anyone, but to seek help was not something I was prepared to do until recently. I am by no means crazy, or a manic depressant but I do have my bad days. Days when things get to me and the stress takes over, flash backs, not being able to sleep because my brain won’t switch off, worrying that something will go wrong, being well and truly put off from having any more children, having to have full control of all situations, and for weeks, I fully blamed myself for what happened to Ada and believed that I should of known something was wrong and prevented the whole situation. I have felt in the past like I am not good enough, like I’m doing a shit job and like I can’t cope. I have struggled to speak about how I feel as I was worried I would be judged or people would think I was a shit mum or that I couldn’t look after Ada properly. I have also pushed help away as I feel compelled to be some sort of ‘super mum’ and that no one else should be doing my job.

I still cannot talk about what happened without crying, and there isn’t a day go by when I don’t relive it at some point. I constantly look to see if Ada is developing as she should and is there any signs that something isn’t right, when I should just enjoy every moment. Living with me is probably a nightmare, Soz Nath, Mum and Dad - cheers for putting up with me 😘 Somedays I will snap at the smallest thing and overreact, whereas another day that same thing wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

I am a very private person when it comes to my feelings and I have always thought to show people the venerable side of me would make me seem weak, when in fact it does the opposite. From doing this and the responses I’ve had I now realise just how important it is to talk out and show everyone the old saying of ‘It’s ok not to be ok’. To write this down and tell you all what has happened is unbelievably difficult, yet very therapeutic and I strongly believe that if more people were to speak out about how they feel and the effect it has, then it wouldn’t be such a taboo subject. Because it most definitely shouldn’t be and anyone who says they haven’t had a full scale meltdown at some point is most probably lying to you.

Ok, so might as well of just posted a naked picture of myself with the caption ‘HERE I AM’ after all that, but thats probably about as honest as you will find me.

Amy x

#blog #mumblog #mumbloggers #bloggers #nicubaby #nicu #neonatalbaby #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #nicumama

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garimadutt · 6 years ago

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Exactly two months, one day to my birthday. 9 days to go for Lavanya to turn 3 months old. And we are still trying to beat the blues and health issues. On June 26 (or was it 25), when I drove to my obstetrician/gynaecologist, 7 months pregnant, for a regular check-up, little did I know that four fluctuating BP readings will do me in. My doc told me to get admitted immediately. I drove back thinking it was some mistake. I had been told earlier while all things look normal and good, I would run a high risk of pre-eclempsia, i.e., pregnancy-induced gestational hypertension. 😣 I was not too regular with the medicines since I would feel, "I am fine. Nothing is wrong with me." I was admitted the following day and between numerous drips, injections and medications (old and new) to get the BP under control and constantly monitoring baby's heartbeat since my health was critical and her growth was affected... it has been one helluva ride. Lavanya was born on June 29, at 33 weeks, a 7 months premature baby through a C-section. Following rounds in neo-natal care and remaining under observation, we finally got back on home on July 13. It has been a physically and mentally painful time. She is now doing better (touchwood) and so am I though the initial days that went without rest running to the nursery have taken their toll on my body and mind. I am also particularly not too great with infants. Kids, older the better. Hehe! So it is not always joyful as it is made out to be. I am sure it is going to be a wonderful journey. But it takes a hell lot of time and patience which I am learning. 🤭🙊👶🙈 Thank you all for sticking around despite my silence as I was trying to get back on my feet. I still am. 😍🤩❤️🙏💐😘 PS: Oh yes! I think I have just about managed my social media #FOMO.🤪 I promise myself to be more regular. Also, selfies with kids turn out to be cool. Hmmm...! 😉😂 . . . . #love #WeAreBack #slay #selfie #gratitude #onedayatatime #OnlyTrueLoveStays #girlpower #motherdaughter #DelhiEyes #Delhigram #FightItOut #postpartumblues #Depression #BeatTheBlues #ThankYou (at New Delhi) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn9PXMmHpcw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1d7n18btnw9oq

#fomo #love #weareback #slay #selfie #gratitude #onedayatatime #onlytruelovestays #girlpower #motherdaughter #delhieyes #delhigram #fightitout #postpartumblues #depression #beattheblues #thankyou

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ellanainthetardis · 7 years ago

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Are you ready for this chapter? :p

[ff] or [ao3]

65. 11 Months & 35 Weeks (2)

Haymitch’s jaw was clenched so hard his teeth were starting to hurt.

He was sitting in the waiting room, where one of the nurses had directed him to earlier, head bowed, elbows propped on his legs, hands joined and hanging loose… The posture of defeat. It had been… How long had it been? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Twenty? He wasn’t sure. He had lost count somewhere down the line. It might not have been so long.

How long did it take to deliver a baby by C-section?

Thirty-five weeks wasn’t that bad, he told himself. They were two weeks short of the goal they had been aiming for and he knew there were little chances Aidan wouldn’t go into an incubator but thirty-five weeks wasn’t that bad. There wouldn’t be too many complications. Hopefully.

“Here.” Katniss offered quietly, handing him a plastic cup from the vending machine tucked in the corner of the room.

He was extremely slow when he took it, straightening up asked for an energy he didn’t seem to have. His body felt as heavy as lead.

He barely noticed the curious people who were sometimes glancing at the lot of them, either waiting to be called or waiting for news of their own. His eyes immediately zeroed on Peeta who had arrived just in time to take care of April. He had settled the girl in a corner of the room and was playing with her and stuffed toys, sometimes stealing a look toward the nurse station but otherwise doing a better job as staying calm than Haymitch was.

Finally, he relieved the girl of the cup and took a sip only to wince at the taste of tepid tea.

“I didn’t think coffee would be a good idea.” she shrugged, dropping on the chair next to him and perching her feet on the very edge, wrapping an arm around her legs as if hugging herself. “She’s gonna be fine. You’ll see. She’s gonna be fine.” she whispered, leaning more into his side. He leaned back if only because the solidity of her was reassuring and he needed the comfort. “It’s all gonna be fine.”

He wasn’t sure how her hand ended up trapped in his free one but they held fast to each other’s fingers, both terrified at the prospect of what would happen if everything didn’t end up being fine.

April wouldn’t be the only to lose a mother if…

Fuck.

He couldn’t even think about that.

He watched his daughter waved her stuffed elephant at Peeta, explaining something apparently very important in her usual gibberish. When the boy didn’t get it, she pouted that pout that was so much like Effie’s it was hard to breathe and looked around, brightening when she spotted him.

“Dada!” she demanded, arms lifted high over her head in a way that mean she wanted to be carried.

He couldn’t move.

He wanted to because his daughter needed him and…

He couldn’t move.

His body weighted too much. He was frozen in place. He wanted to throw up, to shout, to cry, to drink…

April was nothing but stubborn though, she decided that if he wouldn’t go to her, she would go to him. She got to her feet and started waddling toward him, Peeta was right behind her, holding her hand to help her walk. Once she was close enough, Haymitch automatically scooped her up with his free arm and settled her on his lap. Peeta dropped on his other side with a long sigh and Haymitch let his head hit the wall at his back.

He closed his eyes.

It was too much.

Sitting there, surrounding by his kids, waiting to hear if Effie…

It was too much.

“Everything will be fine.” Peeta promised firmly.

“Has there been any news?” Elindra’s high-pitched voice echoed around the waiting room as she came back from whenever the nurse had taken her to draw out some blood in case Effie needed it. The Capitol took one look at the four of them huddled together and pursed her lips, either in disapproval at their lack of decorum or in… He didn’t know. He didn’t care.

“No news yet.” Katniss mumbled, wrapping her fingers around April’s ankle as if to steady the baby who didn’t need steadying at all. The girl was happy to snuggle into Haymitch’s chest and to resume her previously interrupted nap.

Interrupted by Effie bleeding out so bad the sheets had been soaked with blood and…

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again.

“I see.” Elindra said and her voice wavered. “Well. I will try to find a phone and call Tadius to warn him. I will be back.”

He vaguely wondered if the phone call was an excuse to go somewhere private and have the breakdown Haymitch desperately wanted to have.

It was at least fifteen minutes before she came back.

And still no news.

Katniss’ whole weight was resting against his side now and he eventually shifted to wrap an arm around her, letting her use his shoulder as a pillow and hugging her close along with April. He wasn’t really surprised when he felt Peeta’s shoulder pressing hard against his or when he saw the boy reach out to Katniss. The kids’ entwined hands fell on April’s leg.

They were a block, an unit.

Elindra was sitting a couple of chairs away, still not completely a part of their family despite the last couple of months.

When a nurse finally approached them, Haymitch looked up at her with dread, his heart hammering in his chest, his breath stuck in his throat.

“You have a very healthy baby boy, Mr Abernathy.” she said with a smile. Both the kids and Elindra breathed out a sigh of relief at that but Haymitch couldn’t, not yet. The nurse was still talking. “He was born at three sixteen exactly, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner we wanted to have a full picture before informing you. We have him settled in the neonatal nursery now, you can come with me and I will walk you through everything.”

Katniss uncurled and Peeta let go. To free him, he supposed. So he could stand up. Walk. Go see his son.

His son.

It all felt so surreal.

It all felt so…

“My wife?” he croaked, his voice raw and rough.

The nurse’s face was a blank mask of professionalism. “She is still in surgery. There are complications.”

“What sort of complications?” Elindra asked, already out of her chair and hovering there, filing up the space with an authoritative attitude that was bordering on desperate. “I can have the best surgeons here on a phone call. If…”

“The bleeding is extensive.” the nurse cut her off as if it explained everything. Her voice was kind when she turned toward Haymitch once more. “I know you are worried, Mr Abernathy, but you have a baby waiting for you back there. It is an awfully frightening big world for him to be alone in right now.”

The idea that his child could be alone and scared…

He was on his feet in a second, April clutched tight to his chest.

The woman’s eyes fell on the girl and she smiled. “No other visitors for now. In a few hours…”

“Give her to me.” Elindra requested, opening her arms. The sleeping baby didn’t even lift an eyelid when he passed her over with an unnecessary glance to Katniss. He knew the kids would keep an eye on his daughter.

He wiped his hands on his pants as he followed the nurses down the corridors. It shouldn’t happen like that, he mused. It should be like for April. He should have been there when his son was born. He should have held him first thing, he should have been able to cut the cord, he should have…

He could barely focus when the nurse stopped him and handed him some sort of thin plastic gown before instructing him to wash his hands. There were two other babies in plastic cribs in the nursery but his eyes went straight to the big incubator in the corner. So big… And inside…

The moment he caught sight of the baby, he dashed to his side in a flash, taking him in. Aidan was small, smaller than April had been, and his skin looked slightly yellowish. There were tubes. Tiny little tubes in his nose and a bandage on his tummy that he knew probably came from the cord but he was so small and all those things… The plastic band around his tiny wrist…

A hand was placed on his shoulder and he startled. The nurse was lucky he managed to control himself because with his child in so obvious distress and the stress, he was a ball of nerves. Being surprised by a perceived threat right then…

“I know it’s scary.” the woman sympathized. “But this whole thing is more impressive than it really is, I promise. Your son…”

“Aidan.” he corrected, his gaze settling back on the apparently sleeping baby. He was yearning to touch him, to let him know he wasn’t alone, that… “His name’s Aidan.”

“Aidan.” she accepted with a smile. “Aidan is doing very well. He is breathing on his own, which is the best we could hope for. We are giving him oxygen just to be on the safe side, if everything is going well, we will probably stop in a few days. Now, he can’t really regulate his temperature yet and he needs to safely grow up a little, that’s why the incubator is for. Alright?”

He nodded, tentatively placing his hand on the plastic wall of the weird square shaped bubble. He didn’t let himself think of it as a coffin. He didn’t. “He’s okay?”

“He is premature and premature babies are more fragile. But he is doing really well. We examined him and he gave us no cause for serious concern.” she temporized, opening the incubator and carefully scooping the baby out.

Haymitch wasn’t ready for that, he wanted to protest because surely Aidan needed to stay in there to be safe. Wasn’t that what she had just explained? Wasn’t that…

She handed him over and it was a reflex to put his arms the right way, to cradle him close… He looked at her, afraid of doing the wrong thing, of tugging on the tubes…

“You have to be very careful but you can absolutely hold him.” the nurse declared. “He is going to have to spend a lot of time in that incubator and it’s not good for babies to think they’re abandoned so, actually, you have to hold him as often as you can.” She fetched a chair and Haymitch sat down without really thinking twice about it, completely stunned. The woman smiled at him. “I will go see if there are news about your wife. If you have any problems or questions, there is another nurse around the corner.”

She was gone before he could even nod, leaving him alone with a premature baby he had zero idea how to care for.

He took a real look at Aidan for the first time since she had placed him in his arms and just as he was about to start panicking, the baby opened his eyes and let out a tiny sound. It was like the mewling of a kitten and it made Haymitch chuckle. His sight blurred when it finally hit that this was his son.

His perfect little jellyfish.

“Hello, baby boy.” he whispered, his voice cracking a little. “You were in a hurry, yeah? Couldn’t wait any longer?” Aidan’s eyes were clearer than April’s, more grey than blue. There was no fuzz on his head and the skin of his skull looked all smooth. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes… He hesitated a second, not sure he was allowed, and then decided the nurse would have mentioned it so he gently and carefully placed a light kiss on the baby’s head. “Hello, Aidan…”

His son started to fuss, wriggling a little. Haymitch knew the signs well enough now and he wasn’t surprised when the baby started to cry. He was relieved however by the strength of those wails. The baby’s lungs couldn’t be too badly developed if he could scream so loud.

“Not a happy camper, yeah?” he snorted, gently rocking the baby. “Can’t blame you. Must be scary. Didn’t introduce myself either… Your mama would have my balls for that…” He closed his eyes, his throat closing up at the thought of Effie. “I’m your papa. And I’m fucking glad to see you so well. Sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

He should have been. He should have been there to witness the birth and… Instead his son had been handled by strangers for the first minutes of his life.

“It’s complicated, jellyfish.” he sighed. “Can’t tell you how much your mama would like to be here right now. When she finally gets to see you, I promise she won’t want to let you go ever again.”

He hummed April’s favorite lullaby and the baby slowly settled down. He met the clear grey eyes staring back at him and fuck if he didn’t fall in love right then.

“You’re perfect.” he told Aidan. “You’re so fucking perfect and I love you so much. Told your sister when she was born, you need to know it too… I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you safe. I’m gonna do everything I can to…” He stopped, not quite sure what it was he would be trying to do. The future looked uncertain right now, without knowing how Effie was doing. “Wanna hear about your mama? Bravest woman I’ve met. She’s fierce, you know. Too smart for me, too. And so gorgeous…”

He pressed a kiss on the baby’s forehead, careful to not dislodge the tiny tubes in his nose.

“It’s gonna be okay, Aidan.” he swore. “Whatever happens… Papa’s gonna make it okay for you.”

And, at that moment, staring in his son’s eyes, he believed it.

“Haymitch.” Doctor Larcher’s tired voice called from the threshold of the nursery.

Until he caught sight of the doctor’s grim expression, Haymitch believed it.

After catching sight of it…

After catching sight of it, he just clung to his baby boy, closed his eyes and tried not to have a complete breakdown for his child’s sake if nothing else.

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #april showers

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