#boring personal text post

[girderednerve]

making a list for myself of new-to-me music i've gotten or enjoyed this year, please recommend me things if you would like & i'm sure i will add to this list!

aria of vernal tombs, obsequiae - i picked this up because i saw it recommended as medieval metal & it didn't have like, spooky fascism vibes to me? the real problem with liking medieval things and metal? anyway it's very beautiful & parts of it are ethereal. i like listening to it with the windows down while the sun is rising over the hills (i have a long commute). it doesn't feel spectral or mystical or anything to me, though, i just think it's lovely & like. nerdy. which makes me happy

head hammer man, horndal - got this because kim kelly mentioned it in her metal newsletter. i really like the echoing hammers on some of the tracks, and there's this rising guitar call on 'calling: labor' that i love. also there is a song called "fuck scabs" & it's about a strike! i think the album art is beautiful too

kentucky, panopticon - kim kelly's fault but also it's a metal album about kentucky coal miners. my favorite part is the transition from the lonely banjo to the heavy drum drop in "bodies under the falls," it makes me think about how much i like laurel blaydes' version of "coal tattoo" & how the rapid, beautiful banjo sounds so furious & always reminds me of what those speed metal solos do. also they do a version of "which side are you on" that i like

new heaven, inter arma - it's cavernous! one of the things that i like about metal is that it can feel really architectural, like it's creating a sonic space; when i was in middle school, i was super into early metallica & the stooges' raw power because it felt like the sound was a solid wall between me & the world (yes i have mild hearing damage now). anyway this album does that a bit for me, my favorite on the album is probably "garden in the dark," the vocals really work for me there. also i got the blue vinyl & it's pretty

ecdysis, unearthly rites - the first record i picked up because of kim kelly. it's probably the densest of these to me, and it's got this frantic despair going on that i really like. also a song called "fuck ecofascists" yes bro say more. i don't love the sludgy vocal personally but i respect the aesthetic, it absolutely crushes

the forest seasons, wintersun - thank you geddyqueer for the rec! this is like. i am saying this with affection & admiration. the best ever background music.

a chaos of flowers, big|brave - thank you tomato, who recommended this band to me! i gather they are drone metal & i still don't really feel confident that i am understanding the artistic language here, but there is so much dimension on this record, it feels transportative to me & made me think about what i listen to music for. it made me think about the inside of my skull as a location with dimension. i know functionally nothing about the process of creating music but the texture on this album feels elegant in a mathematical way to me, & i'm impressed by that. love the vocal too & i wanna buy the vinyl. relatedly i have a tab up of an album by the body & it is also making me think about space & sound & i think i really like it but i need to listen to it again

sunbather, deafheaven - picked this up after listening to it once on a recommendation like a year and a half ago, didn't really love it, listened to it again & i think i get it now even though it'll never be a favorite for me. this has been an interesting exercise for me in thinking about how i listen to music & what i want it to do; sunbather to me is great like, background while i'm working music, because it's so moody & present, but it doesn't operate in language for me. i have no idea what makes music good but when i'm in the right mood the texture on this record feels amazing

i'm curious how people listen to metal or what they want from it, because i usually am very much a "shuffle all my songs" kind of person & i will go whole years without listening to more than a couple new songs, i like pop music & things i can sing along to, i have no vocabulary for music, but i strongly feel that the correct unit of music for most of these bands is 'album.' i listened to a couple blackbraid records (very fun! will probably buy a vinyl) and it felt like going on a walk in the woods, or having an intense late-at-night conversation with an interesting acquaintance: there's a sense of movement & transition that i really value.

we got a record player a couple years ago & i remember once i started listening to vinyl records it made me think about the album as a historically contingent form. like, i had listened to 'darkness on the edge of town' before & it was easily one of my favorite albums, but i hadn't thought about it structurally, about how the order of the tracks interacts with the physical experience of having to stand up to flip the record. (i'd listened to cassettes before but mostly what i had were my dad's old bob dylan & clancy brothers mixtapes, so there wasn't that same kind of design in play.) when i got into music, it was CDs & itunes. i remember lying on the floor with the speakers on either side of me listening to electric ladyland & it was this incredible physical experience, because the spatial effect of the audio was so intense. anyway the first like, mobile music device i owned was an ipod shuffle & that is such a specific kind of relationship to have to music & i'm thinking about it again. what kinds of things can you notice & what kinds of things are deemphasized? also i am all the time thinking about how weird it is historically that music is primarily an individual experience now, as opposed to a communal or participatory one. plus the ever-present music & copyright & sacred inspiration questions, right, topical given the RIAA suit. anyway! music what even is it

[phemiec]

Me: shit who smoked all the weed?

my therapist, hannabis lector: whoa dude idk that’s crazy

[youkaiyume]

I am watching "My Happy Marriage" for the first time and I really want to like it but it's hard to get past the amateur level writing, and the unnecessary magical element. As a period romance it also seems to lack any adherence to the time period it chose, and it's a shame cuz I think it would be far more interesting if it solved it's drama by adhering to the societal rules surrounding marriage and laws at the time.

I'm powering through it but it feels like I'm reading a poorly researched fanfic.

[mikesbasementbeets]

honestly i like my characters with huge glaring personal flaws. “this character is a perfect angel” “this character has never done a single thing wrong in their life” ok you have fun with that. sounds boring to me

[sergle]

can I just say how much I love. love love love being able to turn off reblogs on a post. It's so freeing bc people will literally reblog or retweet shit that has absolutely no business being a reblog

[sparky-is-spiders]

Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"

This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:

Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.

Just. A weird amount of obsession.

Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.

Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.

It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.

Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).

And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.

[brightmalcolm]

I get the vibe that even before Martin was arrested Malcolm was still kinda an outcast. I think his dad was really his best friend which made everything even worse. So it was even easier for kids who always thought Malcolm was kinda odd and weird to bully him after they found out about his father being a serial killer. And Malcolm must have felt so alone, with his mother dealing with her own grief and Ainsley being much younger and his father gone and everyone seemed to blame him for everything that went wrong and Ugh

[predicoperonopractico]

Y después de casi 4 meses pude entender que a pesar de mi error, yo no tuve toda culpa. Espere 6 años para poder hacer todo lo que me dijiste que haríamos, te apoyé por 6 años, te di todo el amor y comprensión que pude por 6 largos años, me estanque para poder vivir la vida junto a ti. Y cuando más necesitaba que entendieras que también soy humana, que también me equivoco y que puedo arrepentirme, simplemente me crucificaste, me abandonaste, comprendiendo la magnitud del error que cometí, solo me culpe a mí. Me sentí inútil todo este tiempo, culpable e inservible. No te importo si volvía mi depresión, no te importo si yo quería matarme (casi lo logro), no te importo ni un carajo todo lo que dejé por ti. Me desvalorizaste al punto de borrarme de tu vida, borraste 6 años, me bloqueaste, borraste todo de mí de tu vida, me humillaste, me trataste de lo peor para estar con alguien más 2 meses después de dejarme. Intenté volver porque traté de darte el espacio necesario para que pudieras estar tranquilo, pero al final todo fue inútil y en vano, solo recibí repudio de ti. Y siento tanto el estar así por ti, tú, que jamás me diste nada, solo palabras bonitas y promesas rotas, tus te amo eran solo de comodidad, de zona de confort, nunca fue real, porque a mí no me vengan con “el que falla lo saco de mi vida”, porque si me amabas realmente no hubieses querido sacarme así de golpe. Jamás me burlé de ti, jamás te mentí después de eso. Si, cometi dos veces un error distinto, pero como un demonio, como quería arreglar lo nuestro. Solo tenías que decirme que había alguien más, y que no te costó soltarme, todo hubiese sido más fácil, me hubieses ahorrado la humillación, pero obvio tú querías que te rogara, tú querías alimentarte de mi dolor para seguir destruyendome. Ay dios! Que dolor este que me haces pasar, no era suficiente con la vergüenza y la culpa que quizás merecía, ahora también tengo que lidiar con ser reemplazada y borrada de la vida de alguien que era mi todo. Sé que lo arruine, pero no merecía tanto dolor, no merecía querer morir por alguien que no me ama y quizás jamás lo hizo en realidad.

No quiero hundirme otra vez por alguien que no le importo

Constanza A. 🌻

[beastsovrevelation]

I like that Yellowjackets went the "actually, the supposed mental patient is, in fact, a prophet" route.

It's the true horror for Lottie, the Wilderness being real. It's something inside, yes, but it's also a mystical force. It's everywhere. It's the true God (well, Goddess). It's so poetic, I love it. I could write a litany about it. The show executes the "actually, insanity would have been a comfort" trope so well.

I think, the Wilderness is a Lovecraft-level eldritch primordial entity, but folktale instead of sci-fi.

[ex0rin]

fan artists, my loves, please get into Torres with me i beg of you

[girderednerve]

my mom sent me a gift link to the nyt list of 25 most influential postwar queer novels (well-intentioned gambit, however: the list is bad, you don't need to look at it, there are some interesting entries but it's not well-composed & its brief is flawed & its justification for its own periodization is exactly as stupid as you think it is) & i sent her back a huge wall of text because of my many personal flaws. anyway here's the only opinion that i am going to bother sharing here, which is that if your idea of 'influential' queer literature excludes books for young readers then i think you are working from a tedious & narrow definition of influence. nancy garden forever

[brittlebutch]

actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

[viovivii]

🖤

[consolecadet]

"Get offline and connect with your community IRL, you'll feel a lot better!" Ok cool is anyone besides me gonna wear a mask? Is the building accessible? Is there a chair with no armrests that can safely support my weight?

[awesomechocolatesauce]

Just saw a comment on YouTube that said "It baffles me so many people didn't kill Astarion when he tries to cut your throat upon meeting him". I have a few things to say about this.

Astarion has his reasons. He has been in constant survival mode for two centuries, and now he's been kidnapped and saw you running around free reign on a ship. Of course he'd be suspicious of you!

He's literally not going to cut your throat in this scene. He's threatening you for information, and immediately puts the dagger away when he realizes you were also kidnapped.

I don't kill potential companions unless I absolutely have to. I'm a "collect as many as I possibly can" kind of person.

Why do you care so much about what other people do in their games? It sounds like your gameplay style is dreadfully boring, but to each their own.

Last, but not least, all of the best FICTIONAL love stories start out with threats of violence. 💕

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

no fucking way did it take this guy ive been talking to go from “you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen” to “you’re a stupid white trash hoe” in like four days