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ravennm84 · 3 years ago

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Cut Throat Fashion

This was a post from @smartlanceisreal Salt Fic Ideas, I saw one I really liked and just expanded on it. I was just in the mood to post something a little different than I normally post, but there is still salt galore for all my faithful followers. Warm-Fuzzies and please enjoy!!

It had been a bad day for the, now former, employees of Gabriel fashion company. Vincent the photographer, Elisa the makeup artist, Alizabetta the model, and Andrew the staff assistant had all been fired or rage quit because of Mr. Agreste’s new favorite; an Italian brat named Lila Rossi. The girl thought she was untouchable. Unfortunately; she was right, so she got away with so much more bull than anyone else would be able to at any company in the entire fashion world.

She refused to take Vincent’s directions while modeling, which had the photos looking sub-par and was hurting his reputation. She was borderline abusive towards Elisa, literally throwing things at her and using racist slurs that had the artist crying off set at times. Alizabetta had been outright bullied and tormented by the Italian until she was akumatized that day, which resulted in Mr. Agreste firing her, believing that she was tormenting Lila. When Andrew stood up for her, saying that it was the other way around, he was fired as well for talking back. Seeing the situation, Vincent and Elisa quit as well and left with the others.

Which brings them to now, drowning their sorrows in pastries at the Tom and Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie. Alizabetta was upset because this was her first real modeling job. The others were worried about Mr. Agreste being spiteful and blacklisting them, that was something that he seemed to enjoy doing since his wife disappeared.

The table was quiet when a new plate of macaroons were gently set on the table in front of them. Looking up, they saw a young woman, a little older than Alizabetta. Vincent recognized her from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place her.

“You all looked like you could use some more comfort food,” she said, smiling kindly.

“Oh, thank you so much, Angel. We could definitely use this.” Elisa smiled back, before taking a bite out of one of the pastries and humming from the wonderful flavor.

“If there’s anything else I can do to help, please let me know. My name’s Marinette and this is my parents’ boulangerie.”

Vincent snapped his fingers. “Ah, si! That is how I recognize you. You were the girl that won Singor Agreste’s contest a few years ago and your designs were praised by the Style Queen.”

Marinette blushed at that. “That was a while ago. I’ve stuck with private commissions for a while, since I wanted to at least finish lycee before trying to join the big leagues.”

“Piece of advice, avoid Gabriel. That company treats their people like crap and let others get away with anything but murder.” Andrew groused as he helped himself to his plate pan du chocolat.

The table didn’t miss her scoff of disgust as she crossed her arms. “Nothing new there. He treats his own son like a billboard, ignores him in every aspect of his life unless it has to do with business, and lets that lying bitch climb all over him like a cat in heat. It’s disgusting.”

Alizabetta’s head snapped up at her. “You know about her?”

Marinette shrugged. “Italian liar that makes fashion and anyone with Italian blood feel dirty? Yeah, I’m familiar with Lila Rossi. She got me expelled once, convinced all my friends that I was practically the antichrist, almost got me akumatized 12 times, and tried to ruin my career choice. If I hadn’t switched schools and gotten a restraining order against her, I don’t want to even think about what might have happened.”

The four of them stared at her for a long moment before Vincent grabbed a chair from another table and pulled it up so she could join them, having found a kindred spirit and someone they could vent to about the ammature model. It was hours later, and a lot of pastries that Marinette mentioned that she was actually looking to start her own fashion house. She had clients that wanted her clothes, a fanbase of people on her waitlist that she hadn’t been able to get to because she was only one person, capital to pay employees, and a facility that she had just leased. What she was missing was people. It was hard to find competent people in the fashion industry that weren’t already employed in one of the bigger fashion houses and willing to work for an eighteen year old girl.

Alizabetta was the first to speak up about that. “Do you need models? If you do, I’d be more than willing to work with you. I mean, if you’d be willing to hire me.”

Vincent completely agreed. “Si, I have seen Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale wearing your designs and have always thought they were molto bella. When you are in need of a photographer, I would be willing to work with you.”

Elisa and Andrew were partially joking and semi serious when she said "You seem nice enough, and Vincent here knows your work. We'd be willing to give you a try."

"For the right price," he finished with a smile.

Marinette was practically vibrating with excitement as she stared at the four of them. “You mean it? You’d be willing to work with me even though I’m practically a kid?”

Andrew shrugged at that. “It’s not like we have any other jobs right now. And accepting a job from you will help us make sure we can pay our bills.”

Nodding in understanding, Marinette stood from the table with a smile. “Okay, if we’re going to do this, let’s do this right. Alizabetta, I’m going to need your resume, comp cards, and any spreads you’ve done in the last three months. Andrew and Elisa, your resumes and references for my records. Vincent, your resume and I’d like to take a look at your portfolio. And if at any time, any of you are offered a ‘real’ fashion job, just give me proper notice and there won’t be any hard feelings. I’ll schedule some meetings with you this week to get the details ironed out and you can start work as soon as next Monday. Does that work for all of you?”

They all stood from their chairs and shook Marinette’s hand. Although they were admittedly worried about working for someone so young and new to the business, they had a good feeling about the girl.

~oOo~

It had been three years since that afternoon at her parents’ bakery and Marinette's business had been skyrocketing ever since. Much to the surprise and delight of the five people that had been there.

Alizabetta had become the face of her brand and was the least high-maintenance model around. The girl was just so happy to be treated with respect and without being asked to be beanpole thin, that her happiness easily showed through in her work. Although that might have something to do with her amazing photographer, Vincent. The man’s reputation had been saved when he had joined MDC, proving that his work with Gabriel had been sub-par due to the model rather than his talent as a photographer. For that, he was eternally grateful to Marinette, going so far as refusing to leave for another company, even when he was offered more money.

Elisa became the head of the makeup department with six artists working under her. She worked very closely with Marinette and was glad to say that the girl-turned-woman was as sweet and wonderful as the first day she met her. All the stress she had dealt with working for Gabriel was now a distant nightmare that she only bothered mentioning when other artists asked her to compare the two companies.

Andrew ended up becoming Marinette’s personal assistant and was very good at his job. His biggest responsibilities were making sure Marinette took time to herself for things like eating and sleeping, and protecting her from the people from her past. Namely, her former college friends that came asking for jobs, favors, and interviews after her business had picked up. Hardly any of them had references or any experience, expecting their former connection with her to get them what they wanted. The first time was a girl named Alya Cesaire, she’d applied for a PR position and had demanded to meet with Marinette, saying that “she owes me this job, after everything I’ve done for her”.

He had gone to see his boss, and at the mention of the woman's name, Marinette had gone deathly pale. The four of them knew of all the things that her former classmates had put her through and swore that they would protect the woman that saved their careers. So Andrew had told Ms. Cesaire that his boss did not remember any friend by that name. That her references and experience were not up to par for the company; as the Ladyblog was little more than a gossip blog and Lila Rossi had recently been fired from Gabriel.

Speaking of, not long after the four of them had quit/been fired, Gabriel had seen a high turnover rate of employees. Many of those employees found their way to MDC thanks to her popularity, good pay and benefits, and just the fact that she treated her employees so well. When Mr. Agreste had looked into the reason for the high turnover rate; he discovered a few other problems with his company along the way. The number of applications from qualified applicants was dwindling, his sales dropping to a low that he hadn’t seen in over a decade, and there were multiple scandals that were connected to his company’s name. Most disturbing of all, it could all be traced back to a single person: Lila Rossi.

Anyone and everyone who was forced to work with the talentless diva soon found themselves fired due to her tantrums or they quit because they couldn’t bear working with her. Word quickly spread around the industry that Gabriel was a company to avoid, so they weren’t getting any new, qualified candidates. Then there were the lawsuits. Lila had two lawsuits against her for sexual harrasment in the workplace filed by other models. Another for assault when she threw a prop at a set hand that required him to need stitches on his head. And another for theft and disturbing the peace when she refused to pay her bill at a restaurant and caused a scene which saw her being arrested.

Mr. Agreste had tried to do damage control by firing and blacklisting the girl from the fashion industry, but it was too late. His company and its sales were in the toilet and nothing he did could bring its reputation back up.

Lila had tried to save her career, turning on Gabriel and telling anyone who’d listen about how unprofessional and disorganized the company was. That the quality of clothes was terrible, and Mr. Agreste himself had been pressuring her to cause those public scenes so that it would bring some attention back to the brand. She wasn’t a bad person, she’d just had to deal with a terrible boss so she could keep her dream job. This was followed up by her applying to be a model with MDC.

Andrew made sure that all five of them were present for that interview. He would admit, the girl was smart enough to realize that she was screwed the second she saw the people behind the half-circle desk. Alizabetta was glaring at her with disdain at the far left. Vincent sat next to her, looking through the photos on Lila’s comp card, while verbally ripping it apart. On the far right, Elisa only asked her how she was able to get any modeling work with her highly questionable choice of hairstyle? Andrew made a show of calling each of Lila’s fake references in front of her, unsurprised when they all came up as unavailable. At the center of the table, presenting herself with all the poise of a queen looking at a subject that she’s about to sentence to death, Marinette sat quietly as she listened to her friends.

Lila made an admittedly pathetic attempt to kiss up to Marinette. With crocodile tears in her eyes, she pleaded with her former school mate. “Please, Marinette. I am so sorry for how I was back in college. But we were just kids back then and mistakes were made by everyone. I never meant for you to get hurt or anything like that, I just wanted to make friends and you scared me since you realized right away that I didn’t always tell the truth. But I swear, that’s not who I am anymore. If you would just give me a chance, you’ll see that I can be a valuable employee and model for your brand.”

Marinette said nothing for a moment, simply stared at her former tormentor before pressing a button on the desk. A man walked in, a man that had been sitting next to Lila in the waiting room. He pulled a pocket sized recorder from his jacket and pressed play, Lila’s sneering voice filled the room.

“I can’t believe I have to stoop so low as to try working for Maritrash. You know, I used to go to school with her?”

“Really? What was she like? I've only been here for a few days, so I haven't had a chance to meet her yet.” The man asked her, playing along with Lila.

“Ugh, she was a total nosy-good for nothing that would have been better off slitting her wrists and stop taking up air. But she’s also a bleeding heart, so she’ll probably give me a job anyway. If I can fool her for long enough, I can fix my reputation, ruin hers again, and maybe claim that she’s actually a madame or something and her models are call girls.”

“If you’re willing to cut me in on the deal, I’ll back you up. I could probably print out some evidence on the letterheads to support your claims.”

Lila’s chuckle, which had been genuine at the time but made her feel sick as she listened to it now, echoed off the walls of the room. “I get this job, and you’ve got a deal.”

The man pressed the button again to stop the recording before handing it to Marinette. She calmly set the recording on the desk in front of her, never looking away from Lila’s pale face. "You were saying?"

Doing her best to hide her fear, Lila shot to her feet in a rage. "You had no right to record me without my consent! I could sue you-"

"If you had bothered to read the notices when you entered the building," the man interrupted her, "you would know that by entering the premises you are consenting to being recorded. This includes video and audio."

"Thank you, Philip." Marinette smiled at him. "Oh, I forgot to introduce you. Lila, this is Philip, my head of security, and he takes his job very seriously."

"I've already called the police. We'll be filing charges against Mlle. Rossi for attempted corporate espionage."

The girl let out a guttural shriek before diving for the recorder while taking a swing at Marinette. Her fist didn't get close before her arm was twisted behind her back and her face was slammed into the table. No matter how much she struggled, she couldn't get away before the police arrived and slapped cuffs on her. Since the news crews were minutes behind, their head of PR had “no choice” but to share the security footage along with a statement that they were pressing charges for attempted assault and corporate espionage.

The story blew up. Any miniscule amount of sympathy that Lila may have earned was now in ruins, along with her reputation. Especially when Marinette gave Nadja an exclusive interview.

~oOo~

It was two months after the Lila incident that they received their next surprise guests. Gabriel Agreste, Adrien Agreste, and their assistant Natalie had made an appointment to talk business. Marinette had a feeling that this meeting would be coming. The others were worried and had wanted to sit in on the meeting, but she assured them that she could handle it.

Her guests, on the other hand, seemed very out of place. Natalie seemed frazzled, her hair not as neat as she remembered, and hands gripping last year's tablet a little too tight. Gabriel was attempting to exude an air of calm that he was known for, but the incessant tapping of one foot gave away what was really going on in his head.

Adrien, who had always seemed perfect in her eyes, was the most obvious. Or maybe she was just more aware now that her rose colored glasses had been removed and crushed beneath her designer shoes. His clothes, hair, and posture were not quite the perfect model look she remembered. His expression was open; she could see that he was uncomfortable with his family's situation, as well seeing her again.

The last time they had spoken was their last week of college. Lila had destroyed Marinette’s final project for class, claiming that she had done it herself. Adrien had publicly sided with Lila before pulling Marinette to the side and chiding her for trying to expose her. At that point, she was done. She called her parents, had them bring a lawyer, and forced the principal to look at the security footage. Once they had the rock solid proof that Lila had destroyed Marinette’s property, it was easy to get a restraining order. It was harder to get her in trouble, since Lila fell back on her "lying disease" excuse and only got a week of detention, which she never served.

However; that was the past, now was time for business.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Agreste?"

To her relief, he and Natalie didn't waste her time. Proposing that they were interested in merging Gabriel with MDC. They went on about how with her skill and his experience, their companies would flourish and grow to new heights. They even hinted that with Adrien as her model, it would add more legitimacy to her company. Especially if the two of them were seen out together in romantic settings.

"I think I've heard enough." Marinette said as soon as she saw a break. "I'm sorry, Mr. Agreste, but I don't see any value in joining our companies. As it stands; Gabriel lacks stock value, you are unable to keep any decent staff, your business practices are questionable at best, and you have not created a single noteworthy design in years." She watched as spoke, apparently they hadn’t expected her to turn them down and were surprised that she had.

What surprised her was when Gabriel Agreste lost his ever present cool and started yelling at her. "Who do you think you are speaking to me like that?! You have no experience in this world and you think-"

"Despite what you think of my experience, Mr. Agreste, the numbers don't lie." Marinette cut him off easily. "Your stock price is lower than it has been in over 20 years. People are not buying your clothes, some have even boycotted you due to your lax policies on sexual harrasment and your choice of models. Everything about you has become toxic. In fact, when my board members heard that I was meeting with you, some threatened to leave if our companies joined. I will not jeopardize my company for another that can't even claim to be on its last leg, more like its last toe."

"Please, Marinette," Adrien pleaded as he stood from his seat to move closer to her. "We really need your help, and friends-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Agreste." She interrupted again, refusing to let Adrien take her on a guilt trip. "You made the choice to ignore my warnings about Lila years ago. You took her side and told me over and over that her lies didn't hurt anyone. Your employees told you what she was doing, and you fired them instead of punishing her. At this point, the consequences are catching up to you and I want no part of it. This meeting is over, I'll have someone show you out."

Gabriel and Natalie were smart enough to realize that Marinette wouldn't budge on her decision and were willing to leave without a scene. Adrien made the mistake of grabbing her to make her "listen to reason" just as Philip entered her office. His hand was forcibly removed and there was nothing Gabriel could do to keep the man from forcing his son from the building. He could only hope that there weren't any paparazzi waiting for them.

Taglist:

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#lila salt #lila bashing #marinette dupain cheng #Marinette deserves better #adrien salt #class salt #alya salt #gabriel agreste #lila lies #lila karma

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junkartie · 3 years ago

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People struggling to live in their oppressive, borderline 3rd world country will vent about it and then the whitest woman youve ever seen will say shit like this, as if youre not literally a citizen of your own country

Normally i would leave this as a rage post but there are so many things wrong with this. “Amazing rights and opportunities” is a bogus fucking lie. People get jailed over minuscule shit and minorities are not protected or taken seriously at all. Also “the european dream” YEAH? YEAH I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD GROCERIES AND MAYBE SOME DAY OWN A CAR. FUCK.

#every day people like this make me want to lobotomize myself

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traumatizeddfox · 3 years ago

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Borderliner here again! Glad if I could help even a little bit.

DBT was specifically developed for BPD if I remember correctly but I know we used CBT in the clinic too. It's funny bc although the clinic was equally as bad as it was good and it helped me and revealed a lot about me to myself. So although I'm not typical borderline bc I act in instead of out, I know for sure I'm quiet borderline.

Nonetheless every therapist I've went to introductory sessions with since then has immediately said I've been misdiagnosed after like 10 seconds of talking to me 🙃 either that or you just never even get to be added to the wait list bc they don't wanna treat you

But that's why we gotta all support each other!!

Anyway. I decided to go for a therapy trial with a trauma therapist that I was lucky enough to get (after lots of panicking over the multiple phone calls it took, and panic now about rescheduling and shit). So that starts in February. And we're starting out with secondary trauma bc my parents passed down their trauma to be (they're genocide refugees, and I have been back to the country and stayed there a lot in post-war times) and it has in the past caused almost psychotic states. I'm afraid it might trigger even worse panic over my parents bc they already make me feel unsafe (they're a big reason I have been self harming for 15 years now - and when I went to them during a full day break down/panic attack and told them I need help they just stared at me blankly. I could literally only shake and cry and think about how I'm about to kill myself without any control over myself all day and they literally told me "just finish the next 4 weeks of school and then we can all go on vacation" - and in my dreams my parents have tried to feed me to dinosaurs bc that's how it has to be, they've been he reason my cat almost died and got his leg ripped off, they watched my face get eaten alive by giant worms and told me it was my own fault (again all dreams) ). I still live with my parents. I'm still mostly submissive to them and I'm afraid.

But also I cant not do therapy bc I'm so fucking tired. No meds stop my nightmares. I dream of rape, war, violence, killing, running for my life, wounds, break downs, sobbing, my house being broken into, being shot at, fires all around, kids being abused in different ways, like every single night. It's just as torturous as being awake and I'm really trying to not use my secret stash for suicide plans so like I need this therapy

But... I'm so fucking terrified

In the bpd clinic I broke down and almost faint and developed migraines and had half my body go numb and useless - just when I was trying to stay present and acknowledge there was a problem. The therapist there had me bawling my eyes out bc he was like "say something good about yourself" and I legit couldn't. I had daily migraines for months. I actually have a job I like now (still in training tbh but it's with animals so it's really nice) but I'm so afraid I'm about to lose everything. It feels like I could get further if I got back into my bad regulating habits.

I'm trying so hard to do things right. I really am. But my mind and body betray me all the time and I'm so so scared

It's like no matter what I do there's no rest, no help, nothing right and good

I'm so sorry this turned into my whining lmao but uh yeah :(

I recently discovered your blog and I love it. I resonate with the rage and the dog teeth :D wanna get into vent art too eventually. If I can handle the emotion that is lol

i am so sorry to hear this angel 💔 i really hope life turns around for you & i hope the new therapist helps u! it sucks when you don’t feel validated. and tysm! vent art has helped me so much

#anon

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loser-writings · 5 years ago

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I am in LOVE with your headcanons about the boys being omegas! Can you make some for Bakugou (poetic irony but also because he IS the mom friend), Shigaraki, Mirio and Kirishima?

NOTE: Spoilers, toxic behavior, and a lot of underrated omegas

A/N Of Course! I apologize if there are any errors since I wrote most of these at night, and shiggys turned into a pile of headcanons instead of a more story based one. It did inspire me to start a little something else though, so watch out for that in the future!

Katsuki Bakugo

Bakugo has a very pungent burned sugar smell due to his quirk, but his natural scent is more like cinnamon candy if you are able to convince him to let you take a sniff (good luck with that.)

Was told all of his life that nobody wants an aggressive Omega and that an Omega could never be the number one hero. Hearing that all of the time made him so irritated that he started taking scent blockers and suppressants so he can pass as an alpha, blaming the sweet scent on his nitroglycerin. Many didn’t think twice about it since it did make sense.

He still has his superiority complex, but he also knows that he lives up to the praise he had gotten all of his life. He worked hard and taught himself how to use his quirk as a child thanks to his dad really. Even though his mom kept his ass in check and made sure he was never lazy, it was his dad who sat down and taught him how to make and control his explosions.

His favorite memory is how his father would wear rubber cleaning gloves so he would sweat more in order to show Katsuki his acid sweat explosions. Katsuki laughing fondly before trying to mimic Masaru, only to end up flying back on his ass in a fit of giggles. It ended with both Son and Father getting scolded due to yet another noise complaint.

When he presented as an omega, he was initially destroyed because omegas had a stigma for being weak. He was NOT weak by any means and having people treat him different for being an omega male pissed him off. Middle school was especially tough after Izuku had loudly blurted support to Bakugo while revealing him to be an omega which only resulted in others treating him differently and some even bullying him about his dream to be a pro-hero. This only made him spite Izuku more, and since Deku had pointed out his one, massive flaw, he would do the same. He started bullying Izuku for being quirkless to get the attention away from him being an omega since being quirkless was much more uncommon than being an omega.

When the sludge monster attacked, his omega chirped loudly in distress and of course, fucking Deku had to come and save him. He never thanked the Beta, but instead yelled at him to remind him that he isn’t useless. He isn’t some weak ass Omega who can’t protect themselves. He was borderline in tears as he yelled at Izuku before storming off back to his house. Despite his parents attempting to comfort him, he just ended up nesting in his bedroom before sobbing himself to sleep. He had been a weak omega who couldn’t protect himself.

When he got into UA, he considered it a fresh start. Having been on suppressants and scent blockers for a long time now, this was his chance to shine for his power and not his role in society. When he found out Izuku was going as well, part of him felt pure rage and the other was disappointment. This was his chance to start completely over, but here was fucking Deku, a constant threat to his secret of being an omega.

He was originally shocked by the diversity of his class, not that he openly showed his shock. Omegas, betas, alphas, they were all there. Yeah, the omegas didn’t quite seem as adept for close range fighting, but they were still in the heroes course. It made him happy that there were so many in his class, even if his aggressive way of introducing himself was met with a lukewarm reaction. He did manage to find himself a nice group of friends that made him feel even safer. Sero, Mina, and Denki were Betas, and he felt completely comfortable around them. He didn’t feel threatened by them or belittled. You and Kirishima though, he was intimidated which only resulted in him being even more aggressive, yet neither alpha seemed to mind and often fought back playfully.

He naturally found himself growing closest to the two alphas and also found himself yelling into a pillow late at night at the thought of one of you being a potential mate. He honestly could see himself in a happy relationship with either person, yet he knew he shouldn’t focus on that. Even if his omega was whining for the approval of one of the Alphas, his desire to be a hero would come first. This didn’t stop him from sharing clothes with Kirishima, maybe even stealing some for his nest, and letting you wear his jacket any chance he got. If it meant that one of his alphas could scent the item, then he sure as hell was going to do it. No one ever mentioned it though until everybody got together for a movie night and Mina had taken a picture of Bakugo curled up between the two alphas. That’s when people started to tease which only made Bakugo feel insecure despite the Alphas scolding the others for not asking to take the picture, yet you both had the photo as your home screen of your phones.

After Bakugo had been captured, he found himself feeling lost as he once again had been a useless omega. Due to him missing his suppressants and scent blockers for a few days, his scent had started to shine through and he felt himself holding back his whimpering omega as all he wanted to do was chirp for help. The villains took notice and were shocked that the explosive man was an omega. Once Shigaraki had him released from his bonds, the man had made a nasty comment about him which resulted in Bakugo attempting to blow his face up. He was shocked to see that the man, who revealed himself to be a beta, was hardly phased by his attack before promptly reminding him that his offer still stood. The leagues’ arms were open for him, yet he continued to deny it. He was getting ready to fight once again when All Might broke in causing him to finally let out the loud chirps of distress he had been holding in.

After he was rescued and witnessed Allmights’ retirement, he promptly locked himself in his room. His parents could hear the distressed chirps coming from his room, yet were met with aggression the second they tried to help. Yet, when there was a knock on his bedroom door, he was shocked to see you peak inside.

He let you into his room, but you noticed how messy it all seemed. Katsuki was always a very clean person so this worried you, but that wasn’t your main concern as the blonds spiked hair seemed messier than usual, his red eyes were puffy from crying, and he seemed like he hadn’t been sleeping. You opened your arms as an offer but the other just scoffed and rolled his eyes, clearly trying to keep the alpha act he had before, but you were able to see past it and moved to hug him softly. He didn’t stop his omega from chirping out and slowly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close as he fought off tears, only letting his omega chirp out more.

He did eventually break down in your arms, venting to you about him being weak, about AllMights retirement and about how he had been captured by the league. You had scented the other in hopes it would calm him down, but you just let him cry. He did calm down, sobs turning to chirps and whimpers after a while. He pulled away, yet could only lean back as you continued to hold him by his waist as he wiped his tears.

You instantly asked where his nest was, and he pointed in the corner of his room that was hidden behind his bed. You nodded and pulled him close to softly kiss his forehead before ushering him to the nest to lay down. He didn’t fight it and moved to collapse in the nest before hearing you leave the room. A few loud chirps came from his omega since he desired the Alphas company to keep him calm, but was caught off guard when he saw you walk back in holding a plastic bag and a tray. He huffed and moved over a bit so you could join him, but he noticed how you had taken off your shoes since the first time you had came in. You were careful walking into the nest which made his omega purr at the sight, and once you were in you sat the tray on his lap holding the bowl of spicy ramen.

“I remembered that you liked spicy food, so I decided to ask my mom how to make spicy ramen. I quickly figured out to not touch your face while making it.” The omega couldn’t help but grin since you remembered his favorite and actually made it for him. He moved to sip the broth before feeling himself purr louder thanks to the taste. He didn’t think twice before he began eating the ramen. It was moments later when he was finished when he turned his attention towards you, noticing how you searched through the bag.

You then pulled out a plush bear that looked obviously homemade. He didn’t realize it, but he had sat a little straighter due to his curiosity before you spoke. “Here. I made this too since I thought you’d sleep better with something that smells like me. I might have noticed how you sleep better when you’re snuggled against me during our movie nights.” He carefully took the bear and smiled, hugging it softly as you pulled out a hoodie he had let you borrow as well as one of Kirishimas’ shirts. He couldn’t help but feel cared for, and it didn’t feel like you were belittling him.

That’s when it hit him. “How did you know I was an Omega?” He asked only to notice you chuckle and rub the back of your neck. “I didn’t. All I knew was that this was stuff that I thought would comfort you. Your dynamic really didn’t matter much to me Katsu. When I grabbed this, All I could think of was the fact that you were most likely struggling, You weren’t going to show weakness, and I wanted to help you in any way I could. You being an Omega had nothing to do with it.” He felt himself blush before he sighed softly. That’s when you spoke again. “I uh...was planning on courting you either way. Alpha, beta, or Omega. It doesn’t matter since I was honestly more interested in you.”

He felt his cheeks heating up before he looked down, taking in the fact that you went out of your way to make him a bear, scent his hoodie, make his favorite food, and even stole one of Kirishimas’ shirts just for him. You took his silence as rejection and just sighed. “I know you aren’t looking, really, but I just wanted to let you know I admire you so much and you inspire me to strive to be better. A better student, a better friend, and a better hero. No matter what, Katsuki, You make me want to be better. So I decided why not and start off by making sure you were okay?”

That was the last hit his Omega needed to accept the courting. His omega had claimed you, even if he were to disagree. Yet he didn’t disagree. He ended up moving closer to you and kissing your cheek softly. When you burst into a deep red blush, he just chuckled a bit. “Thanks...I really appreciate that.”

You both ended up snuggling in his nest until his dad knocked on the door to tell his son that his teachers were there and they needed to talk to him. You had decided that it was most likely a good time for you to leave, but you felt Bakugo squeeze your hand before he told his dad he would be out in a moment. After his dad left, he moved to kiss your cheek once again before asking you about courting.

“You’d have to be patient with me, because I will become the number one hero. Nothing is going to stop me, so if you want to be with me, you do know that you’d have to be patient right?” “Of course, Bakugo. I want to watch you become the number one, so if our relationship isn’t traditional, then I don’t mind.” He smiled at your words before feeling himself getting pulled into a hug. He groaned and tried to push you away even if he didn’t want you to let go. You luckily knew him well and just fought back until he stopped resisting.

“If you think that you can deal with me, then I don’t see why I couldn’t go on a couple of dates with you…” He mumbled into your shoulder as his arms wrapped around you slowly. He wasn’t surprised to hear you agree, but you kissing his cheek back forced his cheeks to burn like yours had. He threw some swears at you and flicked your head before huffing while kicking you out of his room. You only chuckled as you left, bowing to your teachers, thanking the Bakugos’ and quickly leaving their house. His parents could smell you on him, and of course he was back to his argumentative self, but they were just happy he was feeling better.

Tomura Shigaraki

(More headcanon styled cause DAMN I love toxic, Omega, Shiggy. Let’s be real though, he wouldn’t be as lovable as people believe. Keep an eye out for more about him though)

Let’s just get one thing straight, never walk into his bedroom. If he were to ever get an Alpha, they would rather go crazy with the empty cans of soda, sticky floors, stained sheets, and random snacks that have been abandoned long ago. He is a messy ass omega that breaks a ton of stereotypes.

His scent is also just a bit...off. It isn’t sweet like the majority of Omegas, but can be described as the scent of an abandoned bakery? It really depends on his mood. If he is in a more content mood, he just smells like bread that had been left on the counter instead of properly put away. If he is in a bad mood, it smells like molded sweets. If he is happy, it smells like fresh baked goods. He is kind of insecure about his scent honestly, but then again he doesn’t have the time to look for a mate anyway.

The most likely to become almost Yandere-like over somebody he deems is his. Like seriously, if you walk into the hideout and catch the omegas’ attention, be prepared. He will try to act like he isn’t interested, yet hangs onto every word you say. If he sees you flirting with somebody, even Toga or Dabi, you better be ready to feel the man grab your arm and pull you away. He will threaten you by pressing his hand to your neck while whispering in your ear about how he wants you to play nice, but not too nice since he should be the only one who should be able to flirt with you.

Also would force you to mate with him if you’re unwilling. He will drag you into his room after a stressful, unsuccessful mission before shoving you down on his messy nest while threatening to use his quirk on you unless you mark him and make him yours. For him, it’s a way to control you as well as a way to comfort himself.

Pups? Oh you’re funny. That man is on suppressants and he refuses to help with your ruts. The most he will do is toss a shirt of his at you before telling you to fix it yourself. If he does go through a heat due to lack of suppressants, forgetfulness, or when he feels you trying to get distant with him, all of your attention better be on him. This is also maybe when he is the most vulnerable with you since he will be a whining mess.

At times it can feel as if he is only using you, and he is, but he also sees you as his toy. Something similar to what a child would use to comfort them when they are stressed or afraid, something to play with when he is bored, and something that is his. He will manipulate you, use you, scare you and love you in his own sick way.

If you ever try to fight him??? My god. This omega can take a hit. Need I remind you that he took one of Bakugos’ blasts to the face and he hardly reacted to it? He fought All Might and wasn’t injured, and he even managed to take out Aizawas’ elbow. You may be an alpha, but fighting him is suicide. Luckily, he adores you so he might just spare his favorite pawn.

Mirio Togata

Mirio had always been an omega that broke boundaries. Ever since he was a child, he had exceeded expectations and had caught the attention of a wide variety of people which always seemed to benefit him in wonderful ways. Between his lively personality and the scent of sunflowers that radiated from him, he never failed to catch an eye.

He had been getting courting requests since his first year, but he never had accepted any of them. He would claim that he had other goals that he wanted to reach before even considering courting, and even his Omega was content with his choices. That was until he had met you.

You were a transfer student that Sir Nighteye had decided would understudy with Mirio and Izuku. You had managed to impress him with your personality as well as your strengths and knowledge. Besides, he knew that you would play a special role after you had agreed to him using his quirk on you.

You had met Mirio when he had appeared to work for the day. Nighteye had watched you introduce yourself with ease and smiled a little at how you had instantly hit it off with Mirio, affectionate omega instantly chatting a storm with the new alpha before Nighteye reminded you both that there was work that needed to be done.

After your first day, you instantly exchanged numbers with Mirio after he suggested that you both should get to know each other better. You agreed and quickly made plans to hang out after class the next day before parting ways to go home,

The next day, you ran to UA to meet up with Mirio after his classes. He was quick to greet you outside of the school and instantly put his arm around your waist. Even if he was an Omega that didn’t know you well, he didn’t hesitate to be affectionate since he didn’t see you as a threat. If Nighteye trusted you, then so did he.

You both chatted as you walked to a nearby park and surprisingly, you were as affectionate with him as he was with you. It made his omega perk up when he felt your hand grab his, pulling him to the swings or when you slide your hand across his lower back to wrap around his waist when you both walked alongside the little pond, but he tried to keep himself from getting too hyper from the attention.

You both walked and played in the park for a while, sharing stories about everything that crossed your minds. He learned about your dreams as, and you learned about his. He couldn’t help but admire the sparkle in your eyes as you talked about your dreams since your passion was on full display.

As the sun began to set, you suggested a small hole in the wall diner that was your favorite, which he promptly agreed to. He didn’t even realize how much time you both had spent together until a slight cool breeze went by, temperature lowering as the sun retreated for the day.

You both shared some ramen at the cafe and enjoyed the company while holding hands and playfully kicking each other under the table. This became a weekly thing, going out to play at the playground before sharing some ramen together before parting ways only to send silly snapchats til one of you had to study or sleep.

This greatly improved your relationship as well as teamwork since you both now trusted each other and knew how your quirks worked. This caused new battle tactics as well as trust in the others quick thinking when something needed a quick answer. Nighteye was extremely pleased to see how you both had grown, instantly able to compare it to how he had once been with All Might.

After Izuku had joined the team, you three were inseparable during your patrols. Izuku naturally learned a lot while around you both, but everything came to a head when you three were stopped by Kai Chisaki and a little girl. Izuku naturally wanted to act, but your hand on his shoulder stopped him as you let Mirio do the talking. After you all let them go, you felt Mirios’ hand slip into yours on the way back. Even if he wouldn’t express it out loud, you knew he was worried that he made the wrong decision.

The next day you got a text asking if you would please come to his room. You had no idea why, but you quickly took notice of how his text seemed more distressed. You had run by the diner, got ramen to go, and ran to the dorms after hitting a convenience store. When you walked into the dorms, you quickly greeted Tamaki who was in the kitchen before rushing to Mirios’ door. You knocked before walking in only to notice that the man was chirping sadly in an unusually large nest. You frowned and sat the bag on the desk before taking off your shoes to join Mirio, spooning him and grabbing his hand in a small attempt to comfort the distressed man.

He never nested unless something was stressing him, like a big test or big task from Nighteye, but this nest was nothing like those. Those nests were meticulous and neat, always fairly small since he just needed a bit of comfort. This seemed like he threw it together in a hurry. Clothes from his closet were tossed messily over tons of blankets. Pillows were thrown everywhere, and he refused to let go of the large elephant you had won him at the local fair.

You mumbled little things in his ear in hopes that it would comfort him while keeping his body as close to yours as possible. You had noticed how his scent had shifted into one that rivaled the smell of a skunk, yet all Mirio could smell was your scent since your body had gone into overdrive to create a comforting hormone. After about 5 minutes, the blond had rolled over and hugged your waist, shoving his nose into your scent gland since it seemed to calm his chirping omega.

He soon spilled about Eri and what Overhaul had been doing to the poor girl. You felt your heart sink as you processed the information, but your attention turned to the omega clinging to you, chirping and venting about how he felt like this was his fault. You quickly pushed him back into your neck to get him to calm back down before explaining that this wasn’t his fault. All that you both could do now was try to help the others in any way you could, but calming himself down was the priority. He nodded and you felt how his fingers clutched your shirt as if you would disappear, and your Alpha whined at how upset the other was.

When Mirio had finally calmed down, you carefully sat him up and kissed his tears away before carefully pulling him to the edge of the nest. “Mirio, darling, Can you go shower for me? You always feel better after a shower. While you do that, I’ll scent some clothes of yours really well so you can rest comfortably. I brought you ramen and snacks too, so when you come out we can snuggle and maybe watch a comedy show?” You knew him so well that it almost made him tear up again. Instead of replying, he carefully cupped your cheeks and kissed your lips. He wasn’t surprised when he felt you kiss back, but the smile you had on your face after made his heart flutter a bit. You chuckled and kissed his head. “Come on, Omega. We need to get you happy so we can be at our best to help.” He crooned when you called him Omega and nodded, slowly getting out of the messy nest to do as you asked.

When he had come out of the shower, he was met with a neatly folded pile of clothes on the bathroom sink. He put them on and smiled at how they smelled like you before walking out to see you had logged into your Netflix so he could pick what you watched before finding you sitting at his desk with two bowls of noodles and a big grin. “You feelin’ better?” He nodded and looked over at the nest before sighing. “Gosh...I guess I got carried away.” “You were distraught, baby. You needed comfort and did what you needed to.”

He ended up abandoning you and the food to tidy up the messy nest since it was bugging him a bit. You watched happily as he tucked things in, draped blankets over, and asked you to scent certain items before placing it where he wanted. When he finished, he plopped down and made grabby hands for the noodles. You only chuckled when he gave puppy dog eyes before moving to hand him the bowl while sitting beside him, an added bonus of a kiss on the cheek which only made the man blush a bit.

Somewhere along the way, your Alpha and his Omega had decided to claim each other, yet neither of you had noticed until that day. How you took care of him and knew exactly what would help. How you climbed into his nest like he had let you time and time again, and how those kisses were different from the ones from before. His kiss on your lips seemed to make you both finally realize what had been decided for you long ago. He was yours, and you were his.

It never was clarified out loud since you both just knew. After you ate, he snuggled under your arm as you both watched the stand up show, chuckling at the jokes while you played with his hair. Occasionally, he would look up at you only to be met with a kiss on the head or a sweet grin in return. If you weren’t looking back at him, he would kiss your jaw to get your attention, and when you did look at him, he would steal a quick kiss. One would lead to two, two would lead to five. Eventually, you both abandoned the show to share sweet kisses. Mirio would occasionally mumble a corny joke against your lips only to get you to laugh before stealing another kiss.

Sure, he never planned on finding a mate so soon, but he was sure glad he found you.

Eijiro Kirishima

(I’m shocked by the lack of Omega Kiri tbh)

Oh boy was Kirishima shy about the fact that he was an Omega. In his world, the one where being manly was admirable, he was shy about being an Omega male as they were often seen as shameful by many. God knows how many time he had heard the term “Puppypooper” when referring to omega males. It was just so...humiliating to him.

When he decided to intern under fatgum, he had no idea that he would be working alongside Tamaki as well as you. He quickly introduced himself and found out that you were an alpha from a different school, but Fatgum had scouted you out. He was a little intimidated, but found himself adoring you in a matter of minutes. You were clearly attentive and frequently reminded Kiri not to overdo it with his quirk since he could be destructive towards himself.

You both instantly clicked and during your breaks at the Fatgum agency, would frequently share food, or spar outside. Tamaki was often too shy to accept your offers, but you always reminded him that he could join at any time. One day while sparring, you caught Kirishima off guard and pinned him on the ground, chuckling as you pointed out his error and how you were able to exploit it. He choked back a chirp from his omega, but you could tell something was up. Instead of making him fight to break free, you helped him up and ruffled his red hair, noticing how his roots were starting to turn black once again. “Hey Kiri, you should let me dye your hair for you sometime. You usually do good at it, but last time you missed a spot in the back. Is that why you wore your headband for a bit?”

The omega huffed a little when you read him like a book before nodding. Even if it made him insecure, his omega perked up after he noticed your attentiveness to him. “Yeah...Bakugo really isn’t the best at helping dye hair. He sorta missed a couple of spots and I knew that he would be upset with himself for missing them.” You grinned and moved closer. “My mom used to dye my hair tons of crazy colors when I was younger. I bet I could dye yours and trim it too?” His omega purred at the idea of your hands in his hair, but he kept it suppressed. “Seriously? You’d do that for me?” You instantly nodded. “Of course! I need my manly man to look as confident as ever, and you tend to get bashful when your roots start to show.” You teased a little which made him whine before swatting at your hand that played with a section of a spike. “Well...If you’d do that for me, how about tomorrow since we don’t have class? You can do it in my dorm room so we don’t have people freaking out over you..” he scratched at the back of his neck and huffed, knowing that Mina, Sero, and Denki would surely try to embarrass him. “Sure. That sounds good to me! Will about 3 work? So I have enough time to get some supplies gathered up?” He grinned a bit and nodded.

The next day, Kirishima had cleaned up his room and made sure it looked nice. Putting the punching bag in the corner of his room, putting away books and papers he had thrown everywhere, and cleaning up his bed that held the smallest of nests possible. He really didn’t want to seem like a messy omega, hell even an omega at all. He huffed softly before feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, a message that you were here.

He quickly ran down to meet up with you, noticing how you carried multiple bags. “I didn’t expect this much.” You shrugged as he moved to take two of the bags. “Well I made some bento boxes for us cause I assumed you would like a snack sometime during the haircut.” He bit the inside of his cheek gently before nodding. “That would be amazing.”

When you got inside, he managed to sneak you away from everybody with ease. He didn’t start pulling you until he heard a familiar alpha lecturing Izuku down the hall. That’s when he decided to make a run for it with you. Once you were both in his room, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Well that was an adventure!” he moved to sit the bags on his desk before sighing. “Iida would die if he found out an omega snuck an alpha into his room.” He replied before realizing what he said. “Shit-” He looked down and sighed before turning back to you. “You...do know I’m an omega, right?” “Of course I do Eiji. Fatgum lectured me on not scaring the omegas before you and Tama walked in.” He blushed a little hearing that before sighing. “I wish people wouldn’t underestimate me cause I’m an omega. Like seriously, just because you’re an alpha doesn’t mean that I’d be afraid of you.” His shoulders slouched and you could tell he was feeling down.

You slowly walked over and hugged him from behind. “Kiri,” Your voice made his omega stand at attention, looking forward to any word you said. “You are one manly omega. I mean that in the best ways too, like remember when you made your debut? You went unbreakable and saved a whole bunch of people? That was cool as hell.” He couldn’t help but purr as you spoke, leaning back in your embrace before sighing. “But I’m still an omega-” “And I’m just an alpha. Just cause you’re an omega doesn’t mean anything.” You took his hand before turning him around, cupping his cheeks in your hands so he looked at you. “You are seriously one of the most badass heroes I’ve ever seen. I think you may even be cooler than Crimson riot.” His eyes widened, his cheeks flushed and he looked away. “Oh hush. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” He pulled away before you took his hand. “Well, is it?” He stopped for a moment and thought about it. You, an alpha, thought he could be cooler than Crimson Riot. He started to smile before sighing. “Yeah...It is.” You just smiled and moved to hug him. “Good. Now let me wash your hair. God knows how much shit you put in it.”

Next thing he knew, his head was leaned back into his bathroom sink as your fingers massaged his scalp. He didn’t hold back his loud, content, purrs as your fingers untangled the knots and washed out the gel he used. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you might’ve spent a while just playing with the omegas hair to enjoy his purrs that made your Alpha howl in joy. After you finished washing his hair, you continued to play with his hair while cutting it before you bleached any missed spots. Then you moved to the roots, explaining to him that they will bleach quickly due to the scalp being warm, and that you never start with the scalp. By the time you were finished, his roots were unnoticeable and his hair was cut the length he loved it to be.

His omega crooned at how well he looked and instantly wanted to attack the alpha with affection, but Kiri just smiled and moved to hug you softly. “Thanks for helping. I feel a lot better with this fixed. You hugged him back, which made him purr one more time before snuggling against your neck to scent you. You hadn’t noticed it before, but maybe that was just because Kirishimas’ scent was so natural. It was refreshing, like outdoors after it rained. The kind of smell that you can't help but relax around and take one more deep breath. He noticed how you instantly returned back the affection and scented him as well. He blushed dark and pulled away to quickly move to grab the food. “H-Hey we forgot about these!” He said rather loudly which made you chuckle a bit. “Well I guess we better eat them then.”

He noticed how his box had been full of steak, cooked just how he liked it, and some amazing fried rice. After he had swallowed some of the steak, his omega purred once more. It made him bashful knowing that his Omega was being so loud, but you didn’t seem to mind. He continued to eat, occasionally glancing over at you to see you happily eating too. “Um...I have a question?” He started as he looked down at the box. “W-Would you ever be open to courting?” He asked without thinking it through. When he looked up, your eyes were wide and your cheeks were pink.

His omega started to panic and a small whimper came from him which made you jump. “H-Hey wait I just was caught off guard please don’t be sad.” He huffed and pushed you away when you tried to hug him. “Don’t. I’m not some weak omega who needs to be comforted by an alpha.” He said sharply, more to himself than to you. Yet when he looked back at you and saw the hurt in your eyes, he felt guilty. “I...I wasn’t trying to belittle you. I just thought you took my shock as a bad thing and wanted to hug you..” You spoke before looking down at your hands. “A-and I guess I kinda...Got my hopes up.” You chuckled and moved to play with your hair. “I thought you were scenting me and...I kinda was hopeful, but when you asked that I kinda just...Shut down for a sec.”

He felt his omega whine again, clawing at his chest to try to get him to comfort you, but he didn’t move. “I’m...so sorry.” he said softly as you shook your head. “No! No, No. Don’t be sorry Kiri, I was being stupid and I shouldn’t have acted-” “I like you. A lot. I have ever since you helped me out after my debut. You have no idea how much I wanted to just drown in your scent when you hugged me that day.” He spoke quickly and moved closer. “I know I’m just an omega, and I have no idea on what to do for courting, but I really just...Fuck I want you.” He moved to grab your hands softly. “Alpha, I want you to be mine.”

It took you a moment to process what he said, and his Omega was whimpering loudly and clawing at his chest for an answer. He got it when you slowly started to move, taking his wrist before moving to rub it against your neck. He was confused as to why his omega was howling with joy until it finally hit him. You were rubbing his scent on your neck with the gland on his wrist, a small smile on your face as you could smell his scent getting stronger. He smiled bright and almost pounced on you, rubbing his scent gland against yours properly while hugging you tight. You laughed and moved to rub his hips, a weak spot of his that caused him to melt and purr against your neck, nose snuggling closer to inhale more of your scent. He became putty in your arms, omega purring loudly once again at the acceptance. He sighed softly before moving to pull away from your neck to pepper your jaw with soft kisses, sharp teeth grazing a spot or two that made you gasp. He just chuckled before moving to kiss your lips, hesitant and inexperienced, but obviously happy. When he pulled away, he pecked your nose again before getting off of you. “I love you, Alpha.” He said as you sat up, fixing your hair that Eijiro had his hands buried in moments before. “I love you too, my manly omega.” You moved to sit beside him before kissing a spot on his shoulder, him instantly weakening before moving to steal another kiss from you.

After you had finally convinced the omega to eat the rest of the food instead of giving kisses, he happily laid his head in your lap while you played with his hair. “Hey omega?” He simply hummed, not even bothering to open his eyes. “Don't listen to them anymore, alright? Omegas can be stronger than any Alpha and you are the living proof of that.”

Cue his cheeks getting red once more before he moved to steal another kiss from you, so happy that he could say you were right, and he was yours.

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goddess-ofthe-underworld · 4 years ago

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This post has nothing to do with what I normally post, however is why I haven't been posting. You dont have to read it. This is just my place to vent and the closest I can get to screaming into oblivion I suppose..

My husband and I moved all the way from mid Wisconsin to the bottom of Texas and are staying with my in laws, husbands mother and step father. Since we have been here, my FIL has shown that he is very much the 'if you odnt do things my way, its wrong', 'well I have ms and can do this so you can to or you aren't trying', 'holier than thou' type.

Now for background incase anyone is actually reading this, I have been diagnosed with depression, major anxiety, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and am going to be tested to see if I am on the autism spectrum. I have suffered horribly over the years with all of these disorders, been in therapy for 8 years, and on the correct/best so far med combination for about 8months which now has been messed wit again because I cant afford my adhd prescription. So my daily life is fucking hard. I have worked very hard to deal with my anger, to be able to pull logic up faster than I have in the past, to be able to push my emotions to the side and to think about things logically and not just with my emotions or in black and white. I have spent years working on taming the rage in me.

My father in law destroyed all of that progress in 30 minutes.

Our car became unsafe so we had to get a new one. My MIL helped us with that and we thanked her very much for that! She set us up with the dealership, she got us a deal on it and we have thanked her multiple times for that. Now, just after simply talking to the man, not even signing papers, my father in law stayed behind and made the man doubt that we could afford it to the point where the man had asked us no less than ten times if we really could afford it or not because of my FIL. When he got back from making the salesman doubt us, he began to raise his voice at us saying how we needed to be straight forward with him about our finances, how we need to do this and that and I started to shut down. I knew what was coming. He turned to me and started going on about how i could work for my new aunt, when i had told him no five times already,my MIL told him she will not let me do that because my new aunt is a mess and she doesn't want me in that position. Now mind you before we moved here, we made it known to them that I havent worked or drove in four years due to all of my mental illness and a bad car accident I got into. They knew that the only way we'd come is if they were ok with that and could be understanding and not judging of it. So I said to him no I will not work for her. I've told you no already no means no. She he smiles and glares at me and said oh yeah? Why not? Yet again I start explaining my mental health, and he cuts me off and ✨yells✨ at me that if it's so bad I need to get on disability for it or get a fucking job already. I was shaking with anger, I wanted to scream, I wanted to throw things at him, I wanted to choke him. I was in a rage. I was able to control myself enough to where all I did was yell at him that I had an appointment in a few days to talk to my doctor about just that, but that it's none of his business and I walked away. My MIL yelled at him, it was a mess.

Since then, our car salesman had told us to take them to dinner and hed count it as a downpayment payment so we did. I had one drink and my FIL told me I shouldn't drink with all of the medications I take. I take two at the moment because I cant afford the rest and I took them 7+ hours previous to this one drink I was having that i have done multiple times and i know it is safe for me to do so.

Again I stayed quiet, I pulled myself together and said, well that us why if I'm going to drink I make sure that I take my medication plenty early so that it wont interact. He rolled his eyes and said well as long as you dont get sloppy and start issues. Didnt know you drank.

Now I have had one single drink at dinner in front of him and my MIL multiple times now, so why he said that I have no idea.

The way this man has been acting has been explained to me that he words things wrong, he tries to joke and it comes out wrong. Excuses are constantly made for his behavior towards me. Now I happened to know that he was upset at an aunt of mine for getting wasted and talking poorly about him and he was taking his anger out on me. And again, that was the excuse made, oh it wasnt directed at you.

The other night, my husband and I sat down and had long conversation and decided we would go back to Wisconsin. We sat down with his mother and mid conversation my FIL came out and said he hoped it was going good and when we wanted hed say his piece, and my MIL said well no it's going good apparently. And he looked at me and said well we aren't forcing you to stay here.

That's when I first felt things coming undone inside of me. This had been brewing for about a month now. I was twisting and pulling on my fingers to try to keep myself grounded as I raised my voice and said, no I know, that's why we are leaving because of you. He smiled an evil smile and frowned at the time and told me not to blame him for my short comings in life, and began to go off. He said the person who does the least should say the least.

My husband put his arm in front of me and I felt more things inside me come undone and I snapped. I told him to shut up before I beat his ass. My MIL told me not to and told him to go away and let us talk. He continued to look at me with that twisted look on his face and continued to talk shit. I honest to Gods can't tell you what he said after that because I saw red. The room was spinning and I lunged for him and my husband had to hold me back. I screamed at him that he was a piece of shit and to shut up, that I was going to kick his ass. Everything I knew on how to control myself and my rage went out the window in less than 30 minutes. My MIL was yelling at him to leave as he backed away from me while my husband held me back. I continued screaming until he left the room and then i sobbed angry tears. I could not believe that my wonderful mother in law was married to a man like that.

I apologized to her and I told her that I meant what I said to him, but I am sorry to her for how I acted. She said she understood and wasnt mad at me. My husband and I left the house until my FIL left and now I am heading back to wisconsin by myself because my husband has things here in texas to take care of before he can come with me.

Aside from that, my father in law has said that we dont pay bills here when we pay 500 a month for rent, 80 to help with food which we had spent over this month already, and we help buy toiletries. But he says we dont pay bills, we dont help with food.

He has also lied to my mother in law and said he didnt know I have an issue with multiple noises because I will hyper focus to the point of getting a headache when I have told him once myself, my husband has told him once verbally, and most recently about a week ago maybe through text. But my father in law told my mother in law that he had no idea and my mother in law even read the texts my husband sent and believes my father in law is telling the truth.

We have no money to do this, we have a car payment coming up, I have no idea how we are going to make it, I feel like my marriage is going to suffer, I'm worried about what will be said while I am gone. My MIL thinks things can be fixed, and I dont know maybe in time but right now I dont see it, and I know my limits with my mental illness and I know what will happen if I stay.

I dont know how to find peace anymore. I dont know how to find happiness. My husband believes that that isnt how he meant for things to be, but I've had a new aunt of mine tell me she has had feelings very similar to this with my FIL and that that is why she stays away.

I dont know what to do.

If you've made it this far, please send blessings of positivity my way, please pray, whatever your thing is.

I am tired.

#witchblr #witches #toxic family #mentally tired #mental illness #witchcraft #being borderline #borderline personality disorder #anxienty #depression #pls help

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lilwenney · 5 years ago

Note

(hi i’m hear to vent my thoughts to you again, and sorry it’s a fucking long one. + this isn’t directed at you or anyone i’ve seen on tumblr btw, i’m talking about the fandom as a whole. and if you read all of this, thank you. i know it’s a lot but head full, thoughts many) i understand that shannon has done some really shitty things and i agree she should be held accountable for that, but some people are borderline harassing her. (1/6)

i’m so sick of the same people who make memes about her and tweeting her 24/7 say “but guys don’t bully her, that would be bad!! :(“ as if that’s not what they’re doing. do they not recognize that she’s in a similar situation to alex when all the slazo drama went down? the very ones who rage at people for mentioning the fact that alex made and encouraged false rape accusations and the same ones hounding this underage child on social media. (2/6)

i would genuinely like to know, what is the difference here? why do these people argue for the preservation of alex’s mental health while simultaneously trying to tear down this girl’s? she’s clearly got some issues going on if she’s lying to people like this. she reminds me of someone i used to be friends with who lied online about her personal life and ended up in a nearly identical situation, just not on social media. (3/6)

they were dealing with very severe depression and had issues going on at home. none of these people KNOW shannon well enough to say she’s not suffering in her personal life. none of them have the right to treat her like she’s less than a human being. i can’t even bring myself to watch the eboy’s videos anymore because i’m constantly reminded of the blatant hypocrisy of the people in this fandom. (4/6)

i even struggle to find some of the boys and their friends to be respectable anymore. first it’s ditching fraser when they made the group channel, then it’s george not apologizing for using slurs, and now it’s (some of) them laughing along as a mentally ill child gets absolutely slaughtered by their fans on social media? (5/6)

hi love i didn't get part 6 so i just assume you miscounted or it just didn't send to my inbox

i can't speak for anything else you brought up, but regarding this situation of shannon, i know that a lot of fans were just making fun of the stories, not her personally. and the way that fraser/alex/george talked about it, it was obvious they were just taking the piss out of the stories/lies, just like the rest of us were. and yeah there are fans who take it too far (as bailey said, those people are the reason why we say we can't have nice things lmao) and doxed her which was completely unnecessary

taking responsibility for fans actions is another thing. in the way they reacted to the lies was in no way bullying her, nor was it prompting anyone to send her hate or bully her. and when fans take action, it's completely out of their hands now, and they can't be responsible for what fans decide to do. should they say "hey don't bully or seek her out" yes and they often do, especially at the end of their videos on minors or other youtubers, and in no way are they ever condoning people bullying them.

again when a lot of fans, me included, take the piss out of what's going on, it's not directed at shannon, it's directed at the absolutely hilarious stories that came out of it & are now memes.

#anon #asks

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jeremiahgrey · 5 years ago

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JEREMIAH GREY ##STATS&BIO

Basic Information

Full Name: jeremiah grey

Nickname(s): jay

Age: twenty-four

Date of Birth: march 23, 1995

Zodiac Sign: aries

Hometown: las vegas, nevada

Current Location: san francisco, california

Ethnicity: his mother is caucasian, his father is african american

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: heterosexual

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: justice smith

Hair Colour: dark brown

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5′10″ (178 cm)

Weight: 149 lbs (68 kg)

Health

Physical Ailments: none

Neurological Conditions: borderline personality disorder

Allergies: none

Sleeping Habits: varies, depending on level of anxiety/current state of mind.

Eating Habits: varies. tends to snack frequently, rather than eat large meals.

Exercise Habits: goes for a run 1-2 times a day.

Emotional Stability: it varies, but overall about a 5 or 6.

Sociability: likes to be alone, or in the company of 1-5 other people. but he doesn’t fear public places or crowds and doesn’t have social anxiety (typically). just a preference.

Addictions: cigarettes, usually stress related.

Drug Use: none that he consumes habitually. he’s experimented with psychedelics and marijuana, but it’s just a once in while type thing.

Alcohol Use: about once or twice a week on average.

Personality

Positive Traits: adaptable, adventurous, amusing, charming, determined, quick witted, resourceful, tough

Negative Traits: detached, finicky, moody, obsessive, quick tempered, stubborn, unstable

Hobbies: swimming, running, conspiracy theories, hiking, visiting abandoned towns/buildings & old cemeteries, people watching

Habits: smoking, whistling, biting the skin around his nails, fiddling with objects or his clothing, tapping his foot

BIO:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILDHOOD ABUSE, SELF HARM & SUICIDE IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED, MENTAL HEALTH

Jeremiah grew up in Las Vegas

His father left him and his mother when Jeremiah was 12. He had been verbally and physically abusive to both of them up until his departure.

The trauma stuck with Jeremiah and later led to him being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

When he was in middle school he would have “episodes” of social and mental withdrawal. They would last a few hours typically, and without the clinical resources to diagnose it, he would always refer to it as being “trapped in himself”

Being trapped meant he was disassociating. He would basically just “blank out.” An inability to focus on one thing, just racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep track of or characterize. Often times he would have to physically escape as well, isolating from other people. A lot of the time he had urges to self harm, or even suicidal fantasies.

His personality for the most part was bubbly and charismatic, he was adventurous and always starting a new hobby or interest. And then he would become “trapped” in his mind.

His inability to characterize his mental illness, and his childhood trauma, culminated in a short temper.

He was suspended from school in his junior year for getting into a fist fight. He was sent to mandatory counseling sessions, where he was formally diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

For a few years he faded in and out, never quite having a quick fix or remedy when he felt trapped or angry. And he refused medication, or any forms of continued therapy.

His senior year of school he just couldn’t put up with it anymore. The bouts of aggression, being labelled a freak, the lost sense of loneliness that accompanied being “trapped.”

Every time he’d have an “episode” he would journal. An attempt at collecting and manifesting the racing thoughts. He would smoke a cigarette, hold his breath, count to ten, and write everything he possibly could. Then he would go for a run.

It worked, at least a little bit. It made him feel more in control. A way to cope. And whenever he feels it coming on, he has to get away, and chase that ability of control. He doesn’t always have to write, but he needs to do something. Go to the top of a building and yell his thoughts, or to a creek to throw rocks and count out his feelings. It’s not a one hundred percent fix, and he still has outbursts that mimic rage. But he can clench his fists and disappear and try to deal with it.

He moved to San Francisco when he was twenty one. Just to get out on his own, face the world. His mom had a new boyfriend, someone better than his father. And he felt okay leaving her, finding himself.

Today he’s still the same guy with borderline personality disorder, but it’s not a ghost that unwittingly haunts him. He just lets it happen, redefines it. Yeah, a bit unstable, but he doesn’t fear it anymore. Of course, he still has the traumatic threads of his pasts that still weave into his character from time to time. But he feels more free than he’s ever felt before. He has an apartment, and a job, and a different outlook on his mental health. It doesn’t feel like he’s trapped anymore, it’s just a burst of inward thinking that he can channel into something recognizable and bearable.

Jeremiah works as a delivery guy for the businesses on Carroway Street.

FAST FACTS / HEADCANONS / PERSONALITY:

Goofy and lovable, unless he’s in a “mood.” Sometimes he may seem a bit odd or scatter-brained, jumping from topic to topic in conversation.

Likes memorizing random facts, and sprinkles them in when talking to people. He doesn’t naturally have a very good memory, so he tries to purposefully improve on that.

Often comes up with nicknames for people.

Sometimes he’ll just say some cryptic, vague shit. Something ominous or nonsensical. This is just him thinking out loud usually.

The way he interacts with people is usually pretty vibe based. If someones a dick, he’s a dick. If someones acting tough, he’ll probably try to get under their skin or irritate them a bit. He’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind, and usually the thought of “filtering” himself isn’t even present. It doesn’t feel controversial to him to say some of the things he says. He doesn’t think of himself as bold or brash, but he’s come to learn over his entire lifetime that it’s the reason he’s so often branded as a freak or a weirdo.

ALSO just because he doesn’t “filter” himself in conversations, doesn’t automatically mean he’s an asshole, or saying rude things constantly. A lot of the times he will say stupidly sweet things that the average person would find cringy or awkward to say to another human being so brazenly.

He’s also pretty good at reading people, just he’s not very good at acting accordingly and appropriately?? I guess? Like he can pick up on vibes, but that probably won’t change the fact that he’s gonna say what he’s going to say.

And lastly (I promise this is the end and I’m sorry this got rambly oops) he’s kind of stubborn and can be bossy, like once he gets something in his head like THAT’S IT, he’s doing it and he wants you to do it. And you can call him bull-headed or balky but he’s just going to insist he’s passionate and determined. And it’s probably annoying to the people around him but he doesn’t really care honestly he’ll probably just rant and rave and somehow convince whoever he’s with because he has a sort of cheeky charm about him. but also he’s a pain in the ass sometimes i guess.

PLAYLIST:

coming soon

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS:

any of these can be platonic or romantic, depending on how we develop them!!!

a friend that he can just “shoot the shit” with. someone who will go on little adventures with and sit in the woods with or sit on the beach with and listen to music. they never pry about his mood swings and they give him space and stuff?

someone who works at jukebox records and doesn’t mind when he loiters around all day and recommends music to him, and sometimes they’ll sit at one of the listening booth things at the store and listen to each others recommendations together.

a drinking/karaoke buddy

someone he met when he first moved to san fran (3 years ago), and maybe he’s told them about his past and his mental illness and his coping mechanisms and they’re good at recognizing the signs and they kinda help him out and let him vent and they’re just supportive and understanding. but also respect when he just needs to be alone or escape, but checks up on him cause < 3 < 3

a neighbor (in his apartment, and im assuming he lives in the calloway apartments i guess) but they started off as enemies kinda? like maybe one of them would blast music and then the other would bang on the walls and be mad and leave little passive aggressive notes telling them to stop being annoying. but maybe the loud music stopped or something?? and then the other person was like “whoa are they okay?” so then they started leaving notes that were caring and supportive and maybe little gifts or knick knacks or food for them, or little scavenger hunts, and then they just kinda started hanging out one day. IDK, this can be discussed more in depth/particular in dm’s i guess. this would be cutesy i feel!!!

an ex girlfriend or ex fwb. but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t really deal with jeremiah’s mood swings or his need to disappear sometimes, and how vague he would be about it. or maybe they suggested he should go to therapy or a support group, and since he is such a stubborn little pain in the butt he just became distant and felt judged and went cold on them. maybe there’s still some lingering feelings there, either positive or negative. we can discuss the particulars in dm!!!

someone with mental health issues, that he met at a support group when he first came to san fran. but jeremiah stopped attending the meetings after only a few. this relationship could be a lot of different things! maybe it’s hostile/confrontational, because they have differing viewpoints on how to treat mental illness. it could be supportive. or maybe it’s like a secret?? like maybe this other person was at the support group for reasons that they’ve never told anyone, and like, jeremiah can be their trusted friend or confidante.

NOTE: if there are any connections that aren’t mentioned here, but you feel like would really suit my muse, please feel free to message me!!!!!! with anything!!!!!!!

#info #jukeboxintro

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ahgaseda · 6 years ago

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safe word || chapter 03

⇥ synopsis : as an investigative journalist, you are no stranger to danger, but you may have bitten off more than you can chew when you become caught between Yugyeom, an undercover cop, and Jinyoung, a ruthless gangster...

⇥ warnings : this story in its entirety includes but is not limited to strong language and dialogue, descriptions of blood and violence, alcohol or drug use, and explicit sexual content, and is intended for an adult audience only!

The dresser knocked rhythmically against the wall and you gripped the edges a little tighter. Judging by the erratic panting on your neck, Jinyoung was getting closer. He propped his hands on the surface alongside your hips, drilling into you at a jarring and restless pace.

Reaching up to slide your fingers into his hair, you brushed your lips over his ear and whispered, “Come on, baby.”

Jinyoung growled before clamping his teeth on the bridge of your shoulder, stifling his groans. You locked your ankles behind his back and whimpered as he rutted into you harder and harder.

Typically you spent all of your energy trying to satisfy him, knowing he would give you valuable information in return. However, after the events of the morning, he needed to vent out some frustration.

Which left you clinging to him while closing your eyes and trying not to imagine Yugyeom instead. Biting harshly into your lip, you choked back a moan at the memory of Yugyeom kissing across your breasts as he slipped his cock between your folds.

Jinyoung grunted shakily against your neck, coming to an sudden stop and finally finding his release. You tightened your legs around him, listening to your partner hiss as he coaxed his length shallowly in your cunt to milk the last of his pleasure.

“Good girl,” Jinyoung ultimately growled, pulling back to kiss the corner of your parted mouth. The gesture reminded you of the way he would pat his dogs on the head when they had heeded his command.

You let your hands roam down his chest and abs as he untangled your legs from round his hips and parted from your warmth to discard the filled condom. Meanwhile, you focused on catching your breath and ignoring the dull, unfulfilled ache between your thighs.

On most occasions, leaving you sated was one of Jinyoung’s priorities, but not in this case when you had made yourself readily available for him to indulge his own needs and quickly. You were intent on building a one-sided reliance with him. You wanted to be the only woman he called each and every time he needed relief.

“May I ask what has upset you, baby?” you murmured coyly when Jinyoung stepped out of the adjacent bathroom.

Jinyoung let his eyes fall from your face, down your body, and warned, “Keep sitting there with your legs wide open like that and I’ll fuck you again.”

Giggling mischievously to let him know the threat was a welcome one, you finally gathered enough energy to drop to your feet from the dresser. Your skirt was hiked messily up your waist and you attempted to smooth it down.

Jinyoung approached just as you glanced up. Running his thumb over your swollen bottom lip, he spoke almost more so to himself, “You handled yourself well this morning.”

With a shrug, you said, “I like to think so.”

“If I were to make this arrangement... mutually exclusive, how would you feel about that?”

Your eyes widened slightly, lashes fluttering. “You mean, I would be the only girl you fucked?”

“Mm,” he replied with a nod.

Tilting your head, you draped your arms across his shoulders and crooned, “Wouldn’t you get bored with me?”

Jinyoung stared deep into your eyes and for a moment you felt he could see right through you. After a pause, he said quite bluntly, “No, because you are the closest to an intellectual equal I’ve found.”

You asked, though you already knew the answer, “Do the police interrogate the women you bed rather often?”

“Only the ones I fuck more than once. Naturally, some of those whores make me nervous. I would never have to worry about you,” he murmured, his hands heavy on your hips.

Raking your tongue across your teeth, you purred, “Does this make me the official mistress?”

“Yes, it would,” Jinyoung replied, suddenly reaching up and grasping your jaw none too gently.

Needless to say, he had snared your undivided attention.

Jinyoung warned darkly, “You remain loyal to me. I don’t care if you lie, steal, cheat, or kill, but I won’t have any disloyalty. Do we understand each other?”

“I will never betray you, Jinyoung,” you whispered, swallowing loudly.

“Good girl.”

You stole a kiss, one he returned without hesitation.

Jinyoung roamed his hands over your hips to cup your ass, pulling you flush against him. Breaking from your lips abruptly, he said, “Be on your way. I have work to do and if you stay I’ll get through that box of condoms in no time.”

You chuckled, watching him drift to the nightstand to grab his phone.

“Speaking of which, my assistant will schedule an appointment for you to get tested and set up on more reliable birth control,” added your lover, typing swiftly to his assistant, you assumed.

Your brow lifted. “I’m already on the pill, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung made some comment under his breath about hating rubbers, that the pill was less effective if you didn’t take it responsibly, and under no circumstances was he getting roped into eighteen years of child support payments.

You resisted the urge to smirk, realizing your hooks were digging into him much faster than you anticipated. “Fine by me, Master,” you retorted, saying goodbye.

Stepping out of the bedroom, all of the blood drained from your face when you locked eyes with Yugyeom. For a moment, the two of you stared at one another until he graciously broke the silence.

Yugyeom spoke softly, “I got a text that I’m supposed to drive you home.”

“Okay,” was all you could bring yourself to reply. His voice sounded tender, borderline gentle; a stark contrast to the blunt, crass conversation with Jinyoung.

Yugyeom sidled out of your path, motioning forward for you to pass by him to lead the way, and truth be told, you were relieved to avoid his penchant gaze as you made for the elevators.

But standing next to him, feeling his arm brush yours slightly as you both waited for the elevator was agony. What was it like for him, you often wondered, to know that you were sleeping with his boss. Did he feel disgust or maybe just unadulterated jealousy?

Meanwhile, Yugyeom kept his hands balled into fists deep in his pockets to hide the fact that he was shaking, seething with rage. Jinyoung didn’t deserve to lay a finger on you, much less know how it felt to be between your legs.

He thought about that little catch in your breath when he kissed you and the possibility that Jinyoung was able to hear the same sound made his heart wrench.

Yugyeom cast his attention downward in time to see you shift your weight. You were nervous and selfishly he hoped you felt conflicted. In a perfect world, he could sweep you away and escape to somewhere far where you both could be forgotten. It was a recurring notion, not that Yugyeom would ever admit it.

The metal door whooshed to the side and you stepped in with your escort, standing at the opposite end of the box as far away from him as you could manage.

After descending two floors without incident, the elevator groaned and came to a grinding halt, stalling in place. You and Yugyeom looked at each other, simultaneously questioning if the elevator had stopped and expecting it to kick back into gear swiftly.

When nothing happened, panic began to creep up your spine.

“Are you kidding me?” you snarled, banging the heel of your hand on the console and peering up at the camera, scowling all the while.

“It’s not on,” Yugyeom commented offhandedly.

Glaring, you asked, “And how do you know that?”

He pointed blithely. “The light is off.”

Turning back to the camera, you tilted your head and sure enough, there was no visible evidence the device was working at all.

Leaning back in the corner, Yugyeom checked his phone with disinterest and asked, “So, how is your investigation coming?”

Sweat was gathering across the back of your neck. You didn’t do well in confined spaces. Growing agitated, you snapped, “You really don’t want to go there with me right now.”

“You used me to get to your mark,” Yugyeom smarted. “I deserve to know.”

Given the sudden change in his mood, being stuck in a elevator was affecting his adrenaline too. “I didn’t use you to get to him. I already had him,” you told him firmly, planting your feet.

Yugyeom shoved his phone back in his pocket and crossed his ankles, folding his arms. “Then, what? Sex with me was a way to pass the time?”

Turning to look at the camera again, you muttered bitterly, “Sure. Yeah. Whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Yugyeom mocked, then his tone shifted. “I know exactly what it was. These feelings we have for each other, they’re real. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and if you weren’t such a manipulative, bloodthirsty brat, I would have already shoved you against that wall and taken you in this elevator.”

Your eyes were wide as you measured him up, to gather whether or not he was true to his word.

Yugyeom relaxed and flashed a smile, teasing, “Just to pass the time, of course.”

“You don’t have the balls for that,” you said, disparaging. “You would never touch what belongs to your boss.”

“You don’t belong to him,” Yugyeom rumbled lowly, taking a step back and unbuttoning his suit coat. “You never will.”

You watched with bated breath as his fingers moved to begin loosening his tie and the simple action made the elevator feel a bit warmer.

“You belong to me,” Yugyeom finished, stepping forward until you were enclosed in his arms with the wall at your back.

The elevator dinged and roared back to life, proceeding to descend to the ground floor as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

You leaned forward, hoping Yugyeom would close the gap and grace your lips with a kiss, but you also pleaded in your mind for him to resist. You couldn’t risk getting caught and you sure as hell couldn’t risk losing yourself in him again.

Yugyeom searched your face and couldn’t stand it anymore. Your entire body was hinged on what he would do next. Sweeping you into his arms and tugging you against his chest, Yugyeom crashed his lips on yours and swallowed your sound of relief.

You gripped the material of his shirt at his lower back and held on tight, matching his hurried kisses with your own impatience. The heady feeling returned, clouding your mind and you lost track of how much time had passed.

With one last tug of his teeth, Yugyeom brushed his lips over your cheek and settled near your ear, breathing you in. “You need to be careful, baby,” he whispered.

You kept your eyes closed, basking in the forbidden moment of being in his arms again.

Yugyeom pulled away a mere second before the door slid open, deftly putting a decent space between your bodies. You studied him carefully and his warning echoed in your mind. Without another word, Yugyeom outstretched his hand forward and you exited the elevator, following him to the car.

chapter 02 ⇤ chapter 03 ⇥ chapter 04

Hey there, beautiful! If you enjoyed this, please leave a like or reblog or follow me! Or maybe buy me a coffee so I can keep writing? Or check out my masterlist here for more stories! Thanks for reading :) - Katya

This work is fictional and for entertainment purposes only, but is licensed and protected under a creative commons attribution-noncommercial-noderivatives 4.0 international license. Any instances of plagiarism will be dealt with accordingly. Do not re-post or translate without my permission.

#got7 fanfiction #jinyoung smut #got7 smut #got7 fanfic #jinyoung imagines #got7 imagines #jinyoung scenarios #got7 scenarios #jinyoung fanfiction

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musical-chick-13 · 6 years ago

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Okay, it’s Personal(TM) Time.

This has been on my mind for awhile, and since my url has the word “musical” in it, but I don’t actually talk about music in-depth a whole lot on here, I thought now was as good of a time as any to put this out there.

I talk about suicidal ideation and other ugly mental illness things under the cut, so I’m putting that as a content warning both here and in the tags.

So, as many people who regularly pay attention to my blog probably know, I have dealt almost my entire life with multiple concurrent mental illnesses, which has, to put it bluntly, been an utterly hellish experience that has made even existing as a person very hard sometimes.

There have been many times I have felt hopeless, incapable of moving, or borderline-numb to reality. There have been times I have felt angry at the concept of existence itself because mine was so hard for me. There have been times I have been so full of rage due to my brain hellscape and the inability to function the way I wanted that I was incapable of connecting with other people or doing my job or feeling any kind of positive feelings toward myself.

And there were, yes, a lot of times where I thought that killing myself might be the answer. I made a plan. I made a back-up plan. I fantasized about how I and everyone around me would be free from all of my gross, mental illness hell if I were no longer alive.

But the one thing that always got me through was music. Always. Whether it was me focusing on practicing or finding catharsis through songs that understood my feelings, that was what kept me going. That was what kept me from giving up performing, and that was what kept me alive.

I say this because there has been...a rather distressing trend I’ve seen in terms of how we view certain types of music. Although, in this particular case, I’m only going to talk about one band (or, I guess, more specifically, one person, in particular).

I know it’s probably way too late to talk about this, but I’m going to anyway.

The band in question is Linkin Park. The man, of course, is Chester Bennington.

For anyone who might not be familiar with this whole situation, Linkin Park is a rockish-metalish band (I’m not good at classifying genres of music and I don’t want people to yell at me) that has been around for a pretty long time. They were a pretty big deal when I was in middle/high school, and were actually one of my first positive experiences with music that was not Tchaikovsky or Mozart or musical theatre. They were known for making loud, emotional songs that were filled with pain, angst, and other unsubtle, ugly feelings. And then in 2017, Chester Bennington, their lead singer, killed himself.

I had seen so many memes joking about this band’s “overdramatic” or “wangsty” or “first world problems white boy” music. But...Chester actually felt all of those things. I felt all of those things. That extreme exemplification of pain and rage and sadness and emptiness and self-hatred was exactly what I felt all the time because that’s exactly how suicidal ideation feels.

And there were so many people talking about how “He’s singing about his youthful angst when he has no reason to have any, his life is fine.” But his life was not fine. His life was so not-fine that he decided he’d literally rather die.

I got that a lot, too. People who asked me why I was so upset all the time. People who told me they wished they were me, with my good grades and parents who were still together who loved me. There was nothing wrong with my life. I was just afraid and sad for no reason. I was “crazy.” “Overdramatic.”

But it was music like this, music that understood how I felt, music that I could use as an outlet that made me feel less like an ungrateful, melodramatic, bratty young person and more like a human being who deserved to be listened to, that got me through. This was what I listened to, and this was what I needed when I was having a mental breakdown at two am thinking about what would happen if I dropped out of school and lived as a dirty wilderness hermit at best and just never woke up again at worst.

And I see this all the time. People criticize so much punk or modern rap or “emo” music (and I’m not talking about genuinely unhelpful, counterproductive pieces like “Sad!” by XXX) for being “too needlessly sad” and “self-indulgent in angst” or “overly-loud whining about nothing.” They dismiss music like this as overly-glorified teenagers/young adults complaining about how their parents won’t buy them the newest iphone. And, yeah, inevitably, some music will be that. But so, so much of it is not.

You can’t listen to Chester Bennington’s entire personal, pain-ridden output and then tell me it makes no sense that he was suicidally depressed. There’s a reason his and the band’s music spoke to me. There’s a reason I still cry about his death on a regular basis. Because that very easily could have been me. And I hate to think about any other person dealing with this and coming to the conclusion that that was the answer.

And maybe, next time someone says they’re dealing with stuff, even if things seem “okay” on the surface...believe them. Don’t write them off as just having trivial, insignificant problems that aren’t real. If someone wants to listen to angsty teen pop or make angsty teen pop, just let them. Because that might be what’s keeping them from imploding. (Again, this does not excuse toxic, abusive, or ableist attitudes, and things like “Sad!” absolutely deserve to be criticized. This also does not mean we coddle people who think “white boy” is a racial slur or who feel insulted if someone calls them out for making rape jokes. I’m talking about the young people who listen to, like...Green Day and MCR and Linkin Park and all of the “angsty emo” bands that people typically think of.)

And, for the love of God, don’t ever, ever tell someone dealing with mental illness that they have no good reason to be upset, that they’re just being ungrateful, or that other people have it worse. If someone is is pain, accept that they are in pain. Don’t gaslight them, don’t shame them, don’t invalidate them, don’t mock them, and don’t belittle or take away their genuinely healthy coping mechanisms.

I’ve seen a lot of hate get leveled at Linkin Park and similar bands for venting their frustrations “overdramatically.” It’s time that stopped.

And for anyone struggling with this: you don’t deserve to feel like this. What you feel is real, and I’m sorry that is your reality. This is your sign to stay alive. To not give up. You are loved, and I can promise you that the world would be less without you. You are not alone, and you will get through this. You will come out on the other end, you will recover, and I will be standing to greet you. I am proud of you for making it this far, and please, please don’t give up on your dreams. Stay alive. I love you.

#tw: suicide mention #tw: ableism #depression #mental illness #linkin park #chester bennington #mc13 gets personal

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dr-gloom · 6 years ago

Text

But Who Here Would Ever Understand

Day four of Spook Month! This was really hard to write tbh but once it turned into a vent fic it was easier

Prompt: Sweaters and Sunsets

Fandom: Sander’s Sides

Pairing: Moxiety

Words: 3,023

Summary: Patton and Virgil have both had hard days at work, so they decide to take a little walk and talk about Serious Business(tm).

Tags/Warnings: Virgil has Borderline Personality, Patton is a transmale, poor bois, hot chocolate, sweaters, sunsets

Enjoy!

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Virgil slams the front door shut, grumbling as he enters the apartment he shares with his boyfriend of four years, Patton. He’d just come home from possibly the worst day of work this year – no, not quite, don’t be dramatic. This month. – and honestly, he just wanted to punch a hole in a wall, scream into the abyss, and take a really long nap (though you’d be hard-pressed to find a day where he didn’t feel that exact feeling at least once). Patton would be home soon, but for now Virgil had the place to himself, so he paced back and forth across the living room in front of the couch, his thoughts running rampant.

He knew rationally that he should be calming himself down, that letting himself be swept up in these big mood swings wasn’t good and he wasn’t helping himself in the slightest, but that’s the thing about going from zero to eighty in two seconds; he didn’t care. His hands move up to grip his hair, his teeth grinding, his pulse racing as his feet work a groove into the carpet. He lets a frustrated, almost animalistic scream rip from his throat and he kicks the couch, his boots keeping him from hurting his toes. He falls out of step when the front door opens, startled slightly by the noise (how long has he been pacing?), Patton shuffling through the doorway and setting his messenger bag on the dining room table.

He looks up, noticing Virgil for the first time, and frowns. Without a word, he crosses the apartment and stops Virgil’s pacing by pulling him into a hug. Virgil huffs, though he’s not mad at Patton; he just needs to get all of this pent-up energy out. He hugs Patton back, resting his chin on Patton’s head. Patton speaks up, voice slightly muffled by Virgil’s hoodie. “You too, huh?” Virgil frowns at the implication of the question but nods nonetheless. Patton sighs, squeezing Virgil a little tighter. Virgil chews on his lip, a cornsnake of anger slithering in his chest. He knows whatever happened with Patton is just going to piss him off more, but not knowing is going to drive him crazy, and Patton needs to talk about his feelings.

“What happened with you?”

Patton was reluctant to answer, Virgil could feel it in the way his shoulders tensed up. Virgil taps his boyfriend’s back between his shoulder blades, and Patton forces himself to relax, refusing to let go of Virgil as he finally mumbles out, “Got misgendered a lot today.” Virgil blinks. Did he hear that right? “You got misgendered?” Patton nods. So he had heard correctly, then. “Yeah, lotta my coworkers misgendered me. It’s fine though, really, I promise!” He rushes to reassure Virgil when he feels the other tense up under his hands on his back. “Virge, baby, they were probably distracted and forgot, it happens!” Virgil shakes his head, face already set into a grimace and hands fisting in the other’s shirt. “No way, Pat. You’ve been working there for two years. There’s no way they weren’t doing it on purpose.”

When Patton only sighs in response, Virgil pulls away to resume his pacing, shoving his hands in his pockets. After a moment, he pulls them out to drag one through his hair. His hands flex, clenching and unclenching, and he shakes them out, if only to dispel some of the manic energy he’s feeling. Patton watches patiently, eyebrows knit slightly with concern.

“Honestly, how fucking hard it is to not be a fucking piece of shit?”

“Language.”

Virgil ignores him. “It’s a fucking pronoun, it’s not rocket science. Oh, you prefer male pronouns? Fuckin’ sweet, guess you’re a bro now. You prefer they/them? Okay, you can be my palhoncho, or fuck, who even cares, just use the right pronouns I’m not speaking fucking Latin. And how hard is it to just sit on a fucking horse and let it take you somewhere? Don’t fucking dig your feet into its ribs, don’t send it sprinting down the goddamn path, don’t make me have to chase you for two fucking miles! It’s common fucking sense!”

Patton has to stop Virgil pacing again, taking Virgil’s hands in his to keep them from pulling on his hair. Patton uses a hand to grip Virgil’s chin lightly and force Virgil to look at him, exaggerating his breathing. Virgil takes the hint, remembering Dr. Picani’s instructions and taking a moment to calm himself down. Once Patton was sure he was okay, he let go of Virgil’s shoulders, studying the other’s face in silence for a moment.

“C’mon, let’s go get some air.” He smiles gently at Virgil, who takes a step forward and wraps his arms around Patton instead, one hand rubbing his back softly as he kisses his temple. His hand pauses and he sighs through his nose. “Pat, you should probably take the binder off.” Patton whines, shaking his head. “I don’t want to… Besides, it hasn’t been 8 hours!” Virgil pulls back, squinting down at his boyfriend. “Like hell it hasn’t, you got dressed an hour early today, remember?”

Patton sighs and nods. “Okay… I’m putting on one of your big sweaters then. You wanna change too? You smell like horses. And poop. Actually, I’m pretty sure horses smell like poop.” Virgil laughs and nods, following Patton to their room and digging through the closet for his winter and fall clothes before handing Patton a sweater. He turns so he’s facing away from Patton, stripping out of his shirt and pants and changing into a sweater and sweat pants. “Pat, you should change into sweat pants too.”

“Oh, good idea! Okay.”

After they’ve both changed, they grab their wallets and keys and head out. They link their fingers together, Patton smiling brightly and the corners of Virgil’s mouth upturned just enough for someone to notice. They head down the stairs, Patton humming softly under his breath and Virgil pretending to be annoyed. They walk in relative silence for a while, both having a general idea of where they were going, and when they end up at the local park Virgil can feel himself relaxing further, taking Patton along the familiar path that winds along the perimeter of the park until they end up at a small hill.

Patton lets go of Virgil’s hand to run to the top, Virgil following behind at a much more carefree pace, and the two sit together, pressed against each other’s sides. The park itself is above a large portion of the city, so the two can see plenty of their home from up on the hill. There are splotches of reds, yellows, and oranges interspersed throughout the city, moving gently in the breeze and broken up by buildings (or maybe it’d be more accurate to say the buildings are broken up by the trees?). Patton rests his head on Virgil’s shoulder and Virgil wraps an arm around Patton as the two of them gaze silently over the city.

The sun starts to set not long after they get there, Virgil feeling an odd (at least, for him) sense of peace as pinks and purples bleed into the blue that had dominated the sky for so long. Clouds capture the colors and make them appear more vividly, as though an artist had been testing colors before diluting them to use them as the final product, the sunset. He looked over at Patton, taking in the other’s serene expression, the way the sunlight brightened his face, the glimmer of happiness in his eyes. Virgil’s chest hurt, a knot forming in the base of his throat, and he had to fight to keep a smile off his face. God, he loved this man so much.

Patton looks over at Virgil and his smile widens. “I love this weather, I wish it could be fall all the time!” Virgil scoffs lightly, looking away. The pain in his chest only lessens a tiny bit. “I don’t; winter is where it’s at. Constant rain, cloudy skies, biting winds and shorter days.” Patton hums. “But you like fall too.”

Virgil nods, then shrugs slightly. “Well, yeah, but it’s still hot like eighty percent of the time.”

Patton laughs. “True! But that just means you can enjoy the pool!”

“Patton.”

“What?”

“You know how I feel about public pools.”

Patton just laughs louder at that. “Yeah, I know. Maybe someday we can get a house with a real pool! One we don’t have to share with little kids.” They lapse back into silence after that. Virgil doesn’t think he’s felt this calm in a while; a few weeks at least. It’s nice, but he can’t help but worry it won’t happen again. That’s how it always was with him; he could guarantee you that he’d go into a rage or be too depressed to move, but he could never say for certain when’s the next time he’d feel content to just be. “Hey Virgil?”

Virgil blinked, startled out of his thoughts, and glanced at Patton. “Yeah, Pat?”

Patton wasn’t looking at him, eyes instead trained on the city below, as if he could see the people milling about from this distance and he was just people watching. “So you have BPD.” Virgil raises an eyebrow, waiting a moment to see if Patton will continue. When it’s obvious he’s waiting for a response, Virgil sighs softly and says, “Yes, Patton. I had it before we met and it hasn’t gone away. Your point?” He could feel himself get annoyed, and now he was getting annoyed that he was getting annoyed. God dammit.

“Well…. What’s it like? I know you tried to explain it once, but… Can you try again? I really want to understand.”

Virgil rests his elbows on his knees, leaning forward slightly and picking at his cuticles. “There’s a lot, Pat.”

“Just tell me what you know. And what you’re comfortable talking about.”

Virgil nods, pulling at the skin of his ring finger as he begins. “Well…. It’s really intense. And fast, I think. It’s like someone took the dial for emotions, cranked it to eleven, and broke it so I can’t turn it back. Everything kind of has a… physical effect? When I’m happy, it’s kind of hard to breathe, and my chest feels like it’s full of helium. When I speak, it feels like my words are people, running down my tongue and tripping over each other to get out. I get really jittery- you know what I mean, you’ve seen it.” Patton flails his hands, and Virgil nods.

“Yeah, like that. And when I’m angry, it burns. Like there’s acid in my chest and in my stomach. Everything is tense, and it feels like the only way to let the acid out is to say what I’m feeling, or just… yell. It’s… too easy to say horrible things, which kind of freaks me out. It’s like the words have no weight to them, they just fly out of my mouth. When I’m sad, my head feels full of water, or cotton. Kind of depends on the kind of sad, I think. My words get stuck in my throat, like they’re too sticky. Being anxious isn’t too different, honestly, except it’s static. And all of this is happening multiple times a day, without my control or say-so, and it’s kind of exhausting. And that’s just the emotions.”

Patton turns so he’s fully facing Virgil, who’s picking at his cuticles in earnest now, his heartrate picking up slightly. “From what I understand, there’s like… nine things we all have in common. People with BPD, I mean.” He glances at Patton quickly before staring at his hands again. “An unstable self-image, as well as an unstable image of other people and relationships….” His words catch in his throat. He thinks back to the fights they’ve had over the years, most of them because Virgil tried to break up with Patton but Patton wouldn’t let him. Even back then, Patton knew Virgil better than he knew himself, where it counted.

Patton puts a hand on Virgil’s knee, and that’s all the encouragement he needs to continue. “It tends to fluctuate between idealization and devaluation. Uh… Makes keeping people around really hard, even if you want to. Figuring out what you actually want is pretty frustrating too, honestly. It’s ironic, because it also comes with this intense fear of abandonment.” He laughs a little brokenly, picking at the skin of his finger until it’s started to bleed. “Can you imagine how many people I’ve annoyed and pissed off because I go from worshipping the ground they walk on to treating them like an annoying customer, then get clingy when they want to leave? Then there’s the compulsive behavior, which is honestly probably the most normal thing about all of this shit; everyone’s got some kind of compulsion. And when you’re not severely emotional or worrying about being alone you’re just fucking- empty. Everything’s empty, that’s your baseline. There’s no content-to-exist, happy-go-lucky, or any of that. You just exist, and you don’t know why and it feels like you can’t feel, until you inevitably blow up on someone and then you’re starting the whole thing over again.”

He looks up, the sun finally dipping below the horizon and the sky darkening into deep purples and blues. They should probably head home soon, but he doesn’t want to get up. Besides, Dr. Picani had suggested he find someone to talk to in his extremely limited circle of friends; who better than his boyfriend, who’s seen him at his worst? “Did you know uh…. There’s like, fuck, I think it’s somewhere between a fifty to seventy percent suicide rate for people with BPD? We kind of uh… self-harm. But you knew that.” He picks at the chapped skin of his bottom lip, muttering to the clouds. “I worry about that a lot. On empty days I wonder why I haven’t just done it yet, because if there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’ll happen – at least that – then what’s the point in resisting? But then I remember you.”

He looks over at Patton finally, shocked to find tears on his face. Virgil never understood where the expression “white-hot shame” came from; his shame always feels like dumping ice water on a campfire. He pulls Patton close, hugging him tightly and running his hand through the other’s hair as he shushes him softly. “No, hey, come on… Please don’t cry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. That was fucked up, really. I’m sorry.” Patton shakes his head, pulling away so he can look Virgil in the eye.

“N-no, don’t be sorry, I’m sorry. You’ve been going through all of that alone for years and I haven’t done anything to h-help you.” Virgil frowns. “Babe, you help me every day, honest. You’ve calmed me down at least what, twice? Today alone? You give me a reason to stick around. You convinced me to start seeing Dr. Picani. You give me more happy moments, which is huge. I’d much rather be suffocating with happiness than burning with anger, trust me.” Patton smiles weakly, allowing Virgil to pull him into another hug and press a kiss to his hair.

“I love you so much… Don’t ever forget that. I know sometimes I’m really bad at showing it, but I’m working on it. Me and Picani, remember? He’s helping me. I want to love you for the rest of my life, I mean that.”

Patton nods against Virgil’s shoulder, content to just sit there hugging Virgil for as long as they both need to. That turns out to be five minutes, because it’s quickly getting dark and the temperature is dropping. Virgil stands up, pulling Patton to his feet and lacing their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go home and have some hot chocolate, okay?” Patton nods, the two of them making their way back down the trail. The sleeves of the sweater Patton is wearing are a little too long for him, covering his hands partway, but Virgil thinks it’s adorable and doesn’t comment when Patton pulls his hand away to rub his hands together to keep them warm.

When they finally get home, Patton sits on the couch tiredly and Virgil heads to the kitchen to make their hot chocolate. He sets the kettle on the stove, leaning against the counter as he waits for it to boil and thinking over everything he said. He’d been scared for the longest time that telling someone all of that would drive them away, especially Patton. It wasn’t that he thought Patton was the kind of person who heard “mental illness” and ran, but… this was a lot, especially since on of the big things was unstable relationships. It wouldn’t be fair to date someone and not tell them though. He was just glad Patton didn’t seem too put-off by it, both when they’d first met and now.

The kettle starts whistling, making Virgil jump and he shoots it a glare as he turns the burner off. He goes to get two mugs, filling each with the powder and water, mixing them before bringing both out to the living room and setting them on the coffee table. He sits next to Patton, and Patton curls into his side before grabbing his own mug and taking a tentative sip. “Thanks, Virge. I love you.”

Virgil purses his lips, his chest tight and his eyes burning. “Love you too, Pat.”

Later that night, after Patton had fallen asleep watching Frankenweenie and Virgil had carried him to bed, Virgil lay beside his sleeping boyfriend, curled up on his side and studying the other’s face. Patton looked absolutely beautiful, face calm and peaceful in his sleep, eyelashes fluttering slightly but eyes staying closed. Virgil had no idea how he got so lucky to end up with someone as amazing as Patton, but he thanked whatever deity was out there that he had. He brushed his fingers against Patton’s cheek, reveling in the warmth that chased up his fingertips.

“Thank you, Patton.”

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #virgil sanders #patton sanders

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bigdumbscorpianwife · 6 years ago

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We're nearly at the new year. 2018 has been a shit show for me.

It's been the year of hospital visits and various suicidal tendencies.

I tried and failed getting into the Navy cause my wonky brain.

Got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder

I came out to my parents and vented all my personal rage at them

Being told i have BPD has made everything make more sense but also has caused some anguish.

2018 has been the worst year of my life, not that the bar is high. I still sometimes wish I wasn't about to see 2019 but it's getting a bit better. I've met some cool folk in the spop fandom and yeah, so I thank them for that.

#personal #tw suicide #bpd #actually bpd

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kingdomofkitten · 7 years ago

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When You Realize You’re In Love: Part 5

*Haida ran for what felt like forever, until he found the place. The karaoke. If she was going to be anywhere to vent, it’d be here. He went in.*

Haida: Hi, has a red panda come in here?

Employee: ...you mean that girl who screams her head off?

Haida: ...yeah.

Employee: Yeah, she’s in. She seemed pretty upset, so, erm, you might need earmuffs.

Haida: I’m fine. *goes searching through the rooms*

Employee: ...your funeral, I guess.

*he searches through, finding nothing...he sighs, defeated, planning to walk away...until...he hears a voice...a faint, but loud voice.....screaming to the heavens, with a familiar, blodd-curdling growl*

Haida: Retsuko! 😀 *runs into the room where the voice is he loudest, and he sees her, her terrifying, borderline demonic death metal face howling in pure rage...and yet, it’s clear that tears are still coming strong from her*

Retsuko: FUCKING ASSHOLES! HOW COULD THEY?! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?! THAT WAS MY LOVE! YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING! YOU RUINED THE ONE THING THAT KEPT ME GOING! HOW CAN I GO ON?! HOW CAN MY HEART LIVE?! I WANT HIM HERE! I WANT HIM NOW! HAIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! .....*she reverts to normal*......*she drops the mic* Haida......*she slumps to the ground, crying some more*

Haida: *trying to fight off tears* Retsuko...

Retsuko: *jumps at the sound of his voice* H-Haida! What are you doing here?! Isn’t the barbecue still going? I-I would think you would stay there...especially after what happened...

Haida: ...after what happened, I would rather dig into the pits of hell than be anywhere near those assholes. After what they did, after seeing you cry? Fuck that barbecue. I want to be here, with you.

Retsuko: ...b-but I-!

Haida: But nothing. I’ve wasted so much time waiting for a moment to be as close to you as I am now. No silly playdates, no alcohol, none of that. Just...you and me.

Retsuko: ...what else is there to say? I admitted how I felt, the evidence was shown to you, I said I couldn’t be yours. Feels like all the bases were covered. 😞

Haida: ...well, not quite. Firstly, I gotta know...how long had you been feeling that way?

Retsuko: ...well, the feelings have probably been bubbling up since....you know, at the hospital.

Haida: Oh, wow. 😳 That’s, uh...that’s a shock.

Retsuko: I know. I guess after that, and our first...well, “date,” if you will, I kind of just started really warming to you. Just being around you made me feel...at ease, I guess. Like suddenly, all was right with the world. Even if it clearly wasn’t. But it wasn’t until just a few days ago when I came to terms with how I felt. I just...started looking at photos at us...I just felt so happy looking at them...and then, out of the blue..I had a dream of us getting married.

Haida: *blushing madly* What?

Retsuko: Believe me, I was just as shocked as you were. But the thing was...it was such a happy dream. I remember us kissing...saying we love each other..it was wonderful, it really was! ...so, I asked Washimi for some help.....I guess you saw how that went...

Haida: ...well, actually, the funny thing is...it wasn’t like they showed off anything I didn’t know. *grabs out his phone*

Retsuko: Wh-what are you-*he pulls out...the texts* ....you....you got them?

Haida: Yeah. I don’t know if they meant to send it to shock me, or if it was by accident, but it got sent to me. At first, I didn’t know if it was real or not. Wondered if someone was pulling a cruel prank on me. But back at work today, Fenneko sent me some of her texts from you. Apparently you told her, too?

Retsuko: Yeah. Don’t know what I was expecting there.

Haida: So, yeah, I knew how you felt, but...I wanted to wait until I heard it directly from you...just wish it wasn’t in the context it ended up being in.

Retsuko: Yeah...

Haida: ...which brings me to the final point...if you love me...why don’t you want to me to be your boyfriend?

Retsuko: No, I DO! I want that more than anything! It’s just...*sigh* I’m scared.

Haida: Of what? Of what they might say?

Retsuko: No...of losing you. Of hurting you. 😞

Haida: .......oh......*starts chuckling a little*

Retsuko: ...what’s so funny?

Haida: I don’t know, I guess...that whole idea seems silly to me.

Retsuko: ...oh?

Haida: I mean, I had been crushing on you for quite a while, and wanted to know you proper during that time. And when I did get to, I found this super-cute girl I totally wouldn’t mind dating....turned out to be an incredibly beautiful woman, both inside...*blushes* and out, that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Retsuko: ...H-Haida...

Haida: ...what I guess I’m trying to say, Retsuko, is...*comes in close to her* I love you too. ❤️ And I know, I get you being scared. Believe me, I’m scared too. I’m scared of...well, losing you. But I’m willing to take my chances, and do my best to be a good boyfriend. *grabs her hands* I can’t promise you a whole lot. I don’t have a lot of money, I don’t have some super sweet house, I can barely play punk rock very well...all I can give is my heart. And that’s it.

Retsuko: ...Haida...*puts her hands to his sides* your heart is all I need right now. *pulls him in for a soft, but very sweet kiss*

Haida: Mm! ...mmmmmmm~ ❤️

Retsuko: Mmmmmhmhmhm~! *breaks the kiss* ...soooo, is this it? Are we a thing now?

Haida: If you’d like to be.

Retsuko: ...I’d love to! *glomps him, and the two laugh happily*

*while this is going on, Fenneko, Washimi, Gori, and Tsunoda are watching from outside*

Gori: Aw, look at them! How adorable. 😊

Fenneko: The son of a bitch actually did it.

Washimi: Hmhm! Well, it seems she’s happy. I just hope it stays that way.

Fenneko: Eh, if I know them, I get the feeling they’ll be just fine.

Tsunoda: ...soooo, Fenneko...you wanna hang out, some time soon?

Fenneko: ...

Tsunoda: ...

Fenneko: ...alright. Who else could tag along?

Tsunoda: How about that giant guy, Manumaru?

Fenneko: ...cool.

Tsunoda: Great! See you then! 😉 *starts walking away* TON!

*as if on cue, Ton walks in, seemingly intimidating the gang*

Fenneko: ....fuuuuuuck. 😨

Ton: ...is Retsuko in there?

Washimi: ...she is.

Ton: Haida?

Fenneko: He’s in there too.

Ton: Good....tell them Tsubone and Komiya are temporarily suspended from working with the company. They’re good workers, but that was unforgivable at this moment. And Haida will have to take a cut from his paycheck over his punch from earlier. *starts leaving*

Fenneko: Well, wait a minute! You’re usually pretty rough on Retsuko, and Tsubone and Komiya were like your lackeys. Why are you being lenient on her here?

Washimi: Probably because it involved me, so you’re concerned it would affect your position?

Ton: ....surprisingly, no.

Washimi: ...then...what is it?

Ton: ...I thought they seemed cute together. *leaves*

Washimi: ...wha...

Gori: ...

Tsunoda: ...I, uh...

Fenneko: ....well. My two best friends are in a relationship, and our horrible boss ships it. If that’s not a segway to drinking myself into oblivion, I don’t know what is. *leaves*

Tsunoda: .....you know, I think I might join her. *leaves*

Gori: .....same. *leaves*

Washimi: ....*sigh*......*leaves*

#aggressive retsuko #aggretsuko #haida #retsuko x haida #fenneko #gori #washimi #tsunoda #ton

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saturnx23 · 3 years ago

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1. How did you find out about BPD?

I noticed it on TikTok then I found a book in a thrift store where it mentions how the author dealt with BPD.

2. How long have you been diagnosed?

May 2021

3. What age do you think you started having BPD symptoms?

Probably between the ages 12-14 years

4. Do you have other mental illness? Does BPD complicate these illnesses? If so, in what way?

Yes I have complex PTSD. I guess it can, really depends on the situation.

5. What do you do to deal with anger?

I may do a lot of raging for a bit or if I’m feeling civilised I will usually vent to someone or also do something self sabotaging.

6. What do you do to deal with depression?

I usually just ride it out until it comes back honestly.

7. What do you do to deal with anxiety?

My therapists would suggest to do something self soothing but I usually might just what TV or play a video game, keep myself occupied.

8. What do your mood swings look and feel like?

A lot of exhausting anger, thinking turning randomly into anxiety. It’s just exhausting in general and dramatic.

9. If you experience dissociation, what is it like for you personally?

A lot of the time I find myself believing nothing is real. Sometimes I’ll also notice a certain day and go ‘wtf happened?’ And literally just realise I haven’t been mentally present for the last 21 and a half years. I’ve had a lot of suicide attempts in the belief nothing is real and I’m literally trying to escape this endless simulation.

10. Are you more of a quiet borderline, classic borderline, or somewhere in between the middle? If your in the middle what traits do you have of quiet and classic BPD? I do have traits of both. I tend to shout when I’m upset, I will mask and completely shutdown, internalise every emotion, I feel like I people please without expressing how i really feel 99% if the time, there’s probably more but yeah.

11. Do you believe in the four types of bpd? If so, are you more of a discourage, impulsive, petulant or self-destructive?

This can be a hard one because I’ve always assumed self-destructive but I have noticed myself to be frustrated literally over any minor inconvenience with petulant.

12. Were you ever misdiagnosed? If so, which mental illness were you misdiagnosed with? How did that affect your treatment?

No I haven’t been misdiagnosed as far as I know, my psych originally thought I just had PTSD but thought it was obvious to diagnose me with CPTSD, that’s all I got there and there’s not a lot of difference in treatment so far.

13. Do you have an fp? If so, how do you cope having such a strong, influential relationship?

I don’t remember ever having a fp but I do remember getting into relationships and I found them SO insane. For how I coped with them I’m not too sure but there was a lot of crying and feeling the need to please and making them stay.

14. How many times have you been hospitalised? If you have been hospitalised, what was it like and did it help you in any way?

About 8 times as far as I can remember, the first time when I was 18, it was okay, I found it helpful. The second time I took an OD and I really just wanted to go home and they really wanted to admit me into psych. Sometimes I found it scary other times I just literally wanted to leave because I hated it there. Sometimes I’ve noticed it helped when you wanted help. I have found it helpful sometimes other times it just made everything worse.

15. What is your advise to someone who is considering hospitalisation or is about to be hospitalised.

Do whatever you think is best, especially if you want the help. Seek, keep asking for tips and to keep learning about coping skills. If its an involuntary admission, all I can say is don’t fight it, sometimes we need help when we don’t think so.

16. Have you ever been in residential treatment? If so, what was it like and did it help?

Yes I have stayed in a facility 2 times for 2 weeks each. I did find it helpful as it was like a break from my own home. Took sometime for me to do some activities that help, such as art therapy, reading and makeup. It’s best as described as like a house with recovery workers and other residents who literally treat you like family, treat you with respect. The best part is probably the recovery workers because you can wake them up if you wake up if your struggling to sleep or if you had a nightmare.

17. What is you advice to someone who is considering residential treatment or is about to start residential treatment?

Attend the group meeting, the psychoeducative group sessions, literally anything from affirmations to grounding.

18. What is you advise to someone who just has been diagnose with bpd?

Be straight forward I guess, ask for help if you need it, talk to someone, anyone. Do consider the treatment options, medications don’t necessarily work but some do for stressful times. Look into DBT, get a referral into that therapy. I’ve heard its done wonders for people, I’m not sure as I haven’t started yet. I’m not even sure if I’ll like it but doesn’t hurt to try.

19. Who do you look up to that influences you personality/way of thinking? What personality traits/ways of thinking have you taken on because of them?

Ah I really don’t know ngl there’s probably a bit of Shane Dawson in there who I took on a quirky once upon a time and it just kinder never left even after he died on the internet. There was this festival I was at the lead singer of my favourite bad gave a speech and at the time it was kinda inspiring even though everyone hated it. (Ronnie Radke, Falling In Reverse)

20. Who did you look up to when you were young (real or fiction)?

I remember there was a lot of Demi Lovato when I was 12 years old can’t remember much else lmao.

21. How have you changed since you were first diagnosed?

I mean I haven’t changed that much, I guess I just became self aware and stopped attempting to die because it just seems impossible if you try too hard.

22. What are somethings related to your bpd that you still want to work on?

Probably communication, DBT skills, healthy coping mechanisms, managing anger

23. Does bpd cause your opinions on things to change a lot.

It can because my view is constantly changing between what right and what’s wrong or even how I should be responding.

24. How are you feeling right now? What is currently influencing your mood?

Kind of neutral at the minute. I am currently watching Futurama and its entertaining.

25. Do you have any friends with bpd? If so, how is that friendship different than friendships with people who don’t have bpd?

I don’t think I do :/

26. Favourite songs to listen to when you’re in a bad mood?

Serotonin - Call Me Karizma, Holy Water - The Funeral Portrait, Six Feet Under - Silent Theory, Dancing With The Devil - Demi Lovato

27. What do you do to get yourself through a breakdown?

Listen to music, scroll through TikTok I guess, or i might talk it out.

28. What are your top 3 healthy coping skills?

Writing, pets, talking to people I trust

29. Do you channel your pain into any art forms such as drawing, singing, or poetry, ect?

I write poetry entries or random writings with what I’m feeling.

30. Are you more of the type to isolate and avoid others or need to be with people all the time because you’re afraid to be alone.

I will probably tend to isolate more than have company.

31. Are you more the type to over share too much personal information or keep too much to yourself a secret in fear of abandonment?

I do over share a lot of the time lmao.

32. Does bpd affect your appearance?

I have impulsively dyed and cut my hair a lot of times, I recently shaved my head I’m like a new person its insane.

33. What keeps you alive?

Probably my dog tbh

34. How open are you about having bpd?

Yeah i am pretty open about it around friends.

35. When starting a new relationship, when do you think is usually the right time to tell them you have bpd?

I haven’t had the opportunity and I am severely frightened I may scare them off but yeah.

36. Do you listen to any songs that perfectly describe how you feel as a person with bpd?

Dead Walk - RedHook, Doomed - Reliqa, Not Human - Young Medicine, Paranoia - A Day To Remember, This is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

37. Were you more of an innocent child or a trouble maker growing up?

I feel like pretty innocent

38. Are there any coping skills you want to try that you haven’t yet?

I can only think of DBT skills

39. Are you currently in recovery? If so, how is that going for you?

Remembering your in recovery can be exhausting because no one knows when it will end. But I like talking to my psych or well I used to (she got a new job and I’m not specifically paying for her myself), might get a bit rocky soon since I’m getting a new psych.

40. What keeps you motivated?

Memes

41. Does the bpd stigma affect you in anyway? If so, how?

I am assumed to be manipulative, attention seeking and it just makes me feel like shit.

42. Name five qualities you like about yourself.

Ah alcohol, reading, creativity, sleep, organisation

43. Do you journal? If so does that help you cope?

It can sometimes

44. Do you use any bpd or dbt apps?

No, didn’t really know they existed.

45. List some of your favourite bpd blogs.

@bpd-iary @borderlineprettymuchdying @recaption @error-dxrkness @mentalwordvomit

✨ Bpd Asks ✨

1. How did you find out about bpd?

2. How long have you been diagnosed?

3. What age do you think you started having bpd symptoms?

4. Do you have other mental illnesses? Does bpd complicate these illnesses? If so, in what way?

5. What do you do to deal with anger?

6. What do you do to deal with depression?

7. What do you do to deal with anxiety?

8. What do your mood swings look and feel like?

9. If you experience dissociation, what is that like for you personally?

10. Are you more of a quiet borderline, classic borderline, or somewhere in the middle? If you’re in the middle, what traits do you have of quiet and classic bpd?

11. Do you believe in the 4 types of bpd? If so, are you more of a discouraged, impulsive, petulant, or self-destructive borderline?

12. Were you ever misdiagnosed? If so, which mental illness were you misdiagnosed with? How did that affect your treatment?

13. Do you have an fp? If so, how do you cope with having such a strong, influential relationship?

14. How many times have you been hospitalized? If you have been hospitalized, what was it like and did it help you in any way?

15. What is your advice to someone who is considering hospitalization or is about to be hospitalized?

16. Have you ever been in residential treatment? If so, what was it like and did it help?

17. What is your advice to someone who is considering residential treatment or is about to start residential treatment?

18. What is your advice to someone who has just been diagnosed with bpd?

19. Who do you look up to that influences your personality/way of thinking? What personality traits/ways of thinking have you taken on because of them?

20. Who did you look up to when you were young (real or fictional)?

21. How have you changed since you were first diagnosed? (Be proud of yourself, you’ve come a long way and I’m proud of you 💖)

22. What are some things related to your bpd that you still want to work on?

23. Does bpd cause your opinions on things to change a lot?

24. How are you feeling right now? What is currently influencing your mood?

25. Do you have any friends with bpd? If so, how is that friendship different than friendships with people who do not have bpd?

26. Favorite songs to listen to when you’re in a bad mood?

27. What do you do to get yourself through a break down?

28. What are your top 3 healthy coping skills?

29. Do you channel your pain into any art forms such as drawing, singing, poetry, etc?

30. Are you more of the type to isolate and avoid others or need to be with people all the time because you’re afraid to be alone?

31. Are you more of the type to overshare too much personal information or keep too much of yourself a secret out of fear of rejection?

32. Does bpd affect your appearance? For example, do you change your hair or clothing style frequently?

33. What keeps you alive?

34. How open are you about having bpd?

35. When starting a new relationship, when do you usually think it’s the right time to tell your partner you have bpd?

36. Do you listen to any songs that perfectly describe how you feel as a person who has bpd?

37. Were you more of an innocent quiet child or a trouble maker growing up?

38. Are there any coping skills you want to try that you haven’t yet?

39. Are you currently in recovery? If so, how is that going for you?

40. What keeps you motivated?

41. Does the bpd stigma affect you in any way? If so, how?

42. Name 5 qualities you like about yourself.

43. Do you journal? If so, does it help you cope?

44. Do you use any bpd/dbt related apps?

45. List some of your favorite bpd blogs.

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