#borderlands hermes

[artcrimsoncloud]

Well...

[crytekdiabloreblogs]

Love this.

More Bordlerands 3 stuff is coming! There is a lot.  Its gonna take forever to post it all.  

Here’s a design I did for Ava’s little pet Hermes who hangs out on Sanctuary.  I basically begged for 6 years straight to give a character this little pet and they finally let me haha. 

I’m not super active here anymore (except for answering random questions lol) but I know Tumblr has a big Borderlands fandom and I want to keep everyone in the loop!

If you want, go follow me on twitter and art station, where I am much more active!

https://www.artstation.com/mandersmash

https://twitter.com/mandersmash

[rando-lesbo210]

hi apologies I died, capitalism beloathed.

I, however, made dumb shit I find too funny to not post

Starting off with ominous Maya (requested by yours truly, @gaymars97) some Hermes, the meme trend with gaigel, and then soft cuddling gay as a treat for my lack of posting

[gaymars97]

He is. Watching the Tee Vee

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

OH and also I neglected to mention this but! This book is the first time Hermes has been officially mentioned as the Hammerlocks' home planet outside of word of god by Randy!

[ghostlycoyote0]

Hermes perpetually has the kind of expression when cats stretch their whole face out

[hermanngottlieb-geiszler]

Hes got his birb head!!! Not the chicken hat from bl2 but its something!! /pos

[hellenicpagan7]

Keen-minded Hermes, light-fingered one, light-footed one, quick and cunning, bright and merry, ever watchful, ever agile, ever sharp of wit.

The wings at your feet carry you to any landing-place, in any realm; wearing the cap of Aidoneus, you tarry, unseen by mortal mane. Wielder of the golden sword, player on the shepherd’s pipe, god of herdsmen, god of thieves, god of cities and of pastures, rustic and urbane, you walk the line between contradictions. Hermes of the borderland, Hermes of the threshold, god of the uncertain, consistent and contrary, you stand in the doorway, you stand at the edge; the knife-sharp boundary between two worlds is yours.

Hermes, child of rich-tressed Maia and thundering Zeus, I thank you for your many gifts, I praise your might.

[imimprisoned]

Hermes: Messenger of the Gods, God of Boundaries, Roads, Travelers, Merchants, Thieves, Athletes, Shepards, Commerce, Speed, Cunning, Language, Oratory, and Wit.

Offerings include:

1. foreign foods

2. souvenirs/objects from trips

3. white or red wine

4. stuff you like from other cultures

5. silver objects

6. statues/depictions of Him

7. honey

8. written stories, letters or messages

9. postcards

10. crystals/gemstones like amethyst, quartz, smokey quartz, orange topaz

11. olive oil

12. incense scents like frankincense, lavender or myrrh

13. maps

14. flowers like crocus, hydrangea or chrysanthemum

15. coins or money

16. zodiac or astrology related items

17. turtle-shaped objects

18. caduceus

19. petasos (winged helmet)

20. talaria (winged sandals)

21. naturally shed feathers

22. strawberries

23. depictions/imagery of cattle, turtles, rams, hawks, hares, roster, guard dogs, snakes

24. silver/yellow/light blue/purple candles

Prayers to Hermes:

Swift Hermes, provider of fair fortune, who travels freely among the worlds.

In pennies found, in laughter and delight, in messages trifling and essential, in unexpected twists of our life's plan, with these you touch us, genial son of Zeus.

Hermes, guide of souls, light-hearted one, swift as thought; you know the depth of impulse, quick-witted god of those who live by luck.

We thank you for the path unworn, for cleverness, for gifts unearned, for change unbidden.

Excellent Hermes, we praise and honor you.

2. Keen-minded Hermes, light fingered one, light footed one, quick and cunning, bright and merry, ever watchful, ever agile, ever sharp of wit. The wings at your feet carry you to any landing-place, in any realm; wearing the cap of Aidoneus, you tarry, unseen by mortal men. Wielder of the golden sword, player on the shepherds pipe, god of herdsmen, god of thieves, god of cities and of pastures, rustic and urbane, you walk the line between contradictions. Hermes of the borderland, Hermes of the threshold, god of the uncertain, consistent and contrary, you stand in the doorway, you stand at the edge; the knife-sharp boundary between two worlds is yours.

Hermes, child of rich-tressed Maia and thundering Zeus, Ithank you for your many gifts, I praise your might.

3. Hermes of the ready wit and the lightning smile, Wing-footed one who carries the words of the gods,

Compassionate one who guides the newly-dead to the hall of Hades and fair Persephone, Quick-thinking one who takes interest in the world and works of mankind, whose hand we see in a run of luck and a clever scheme, I call to vou.

Hermes, bearer of the herald's staff, your gifts

are great.

You guard our homes with constancy and care,

You grant to us a portion of your own craft and wile,

You join with us when we revel and are merry, You stand with us when we are far from home, alone.

You are ever with us, O Hermes;

He who holds in hand the good of men, I honor you

4. Swift Hermes,

Provider of fair fortune.

He who guides travellers,

He who treasures wit and humor, I reach out to you.

Grant me peace,

Grant me protection, And I shall give you My devotion.

5. May Hermes bless you with safe travels, and protect you from theives.

[snappedsky]

Borderlands: Skies the Ultimate Treasure Hunter

The Crimson Raiders come up with a plan to deal with all of their problems.

--

Dimension Debacle Part 9

“Alright, kiddos. Here’s how we’re gonna deal with this dimension debacle.”

“We’ve got three major problems we’ve gotta deal with,” Skies explains to the different groups of Crimson Raiders standing around her. “First, and our biggest, is getting back to our dimension. And to do that, we have to understand how we got here in the first place.”

“During my travels, I found an ancient, mystic artifact- presumably Eridian in origin. The locals called it the Dimensional Shifter, because it was believed to be able to transport people through dimensions. I never tested it myself, but I figured it’d be safer in my collection than in the hands of some tyrannical maniac. Unfortunately, thanks to a certain pet agitating it-.”

“It was an accident!” Ava snap, hugging Hermes defensively.

“The Dimensional Shifter sent us here and is now in the hands of a tyrannical maniac,” Skies continues. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“The artifact should still be on my ship, and my ship is locked up in the impound lot on Helios. In order to get it back, Tim and I will disguise ourselves as Jack and his bodyguard and infiltrate Helios through Opportunity.”

“We will?” Timothy asks.

“We will.”

“Uh b-but,” he squeaks and steps up next to her. “I don’t wanna, y’know, undermine your authority in front of all these people but...I don’t really wanna do that...”

“I know,” Skies says gently. “And I hate to make you do something you don’t wanna do. But you’re the only one who can get through Jack’s security. I need you by my side.”

Timothy’s face softens. “Alright. But um...even if we’re disguised, how are we gonna make sure Jack doesn’t notice us?”

“I’m glad you asked,” she replies and addresses the rest of the group. “That brings us to problems 2 and 3: the Warrior and Control Core Angel. Dealing with these two problems at the same time will keep Jack pissed and distracted, allowing Tim and I to move through Helios undetected.”

“As I’m sure you all know, the Warrior is a massive Vault monster wandering around the planet, snuffing out anyone who gets in its way,” Skies continues, “Moze, Zane, Amara, FL4K, since you guys are whizzes at dealing with massive Vault monsters, you can kill the Warrior.”

“Yes!” the four of them cheer happily.

[love-birds-stuff]

▪︎  Gabriel or Gabe if you're nasty, he/him only

▪︎  20, sometimes I reblog posts that are suggestive or NSFW (tagged accordingly)

▪︎  Latino 🇧🇷, POC

▪︎ I ship with a handful of characters such as Timothy Lawrence, Sasha Dillon and Rhys Strongfork (Borderlands); Millions Knives, Legato Bluesummers and Vash the Stampede (Trigun); Armand (ITWV, AMC Series specifically) and Wheatley (Portal)

▪︎  Sharing is more than okay! I love talking about my f/os and I'd live to chat about them (dms and inbox are always open for that 📮)

▪︎  Posting may be spotty seeing I'm a full-time student (uni)

▪︎ Self inserts: Ceolacanth (Borderlands), Hermes (Portal) and Rosario (Trigun)

Banner by @voided-selfships!! And tagging system under the cut for navigation purposes:

chatter tag: #bird chirps.txt

art tag: #scribbles.img

writing tag: tbd (pending)

f/o tags:

#❥ and meanwhile a man was faling from space (wheatley)

#❥ if I could hold you for a minute / I'd go through it again (timothy)

#❥ when you walked around your house wearin' my sky blue lacoste (rhys)

#❥ she's a silver lining/ lone ranger ridin' through an open space (sasha)

#❥ I will only break your pretty things / I will only wring you dry of everything (knives)

#❥ What the boss don't know/ the boss won't mind (legato)

□ vash tag tbd

□ armand tag tbd

[shinakazami1]

AJDJSG HIII ILU I JUST HAD TO THROW U A CURVE BALL but seriously I did have a Borderlands phase and I can 1000% understand the Rhys brainworms so I needed to hear more of yours :D ALSO AWE thank you!

I might as well ask your thoughts on Rufu- PSYCH! Thoughts on Goal?? >:3

BRO U HAD?? YOU HAD THEM ALL DEAR LORT I HANDSHAKE U im doing reverse Mel hyperfix run I see!!

But now, it's time for g-g-g-g-

GOAL

(I hadn't played the games and hadn't consumed any content in a long time so. We will see how this will go. Ouuu I might replay it too,,)

How I feel about this character

The fact she started as the stereotype of sleeping beauty (and well... Sort of went through it a lot KSJEJRJSJSHD) BUT THEN LIKE. WHEN SHE WAS CONCIOUS (GOOD LORT THIS SOUNDS BAD) SHE SLAYED.

Just as I mentioned in my Borderlands girlies, Deponia ones are also strong af. And Goal is one of the examples. She lived in a utopia (well not on Utopia but Elysium but u know) and went on the trip because she wanted to make sure. She was Cletus' fiance and seemed to care about him but when she learnt about state of Deponia, what did she do? She ATE that and immediately was like 'we gonna inform them all'. And like I feel the disc is a great social commentary esp since only women got those. Horrible misoginism around, to be able to erase someone's being so easily, or split it to main factors, eughhhh. Yet! It brings such an interesting narrative!!

Lady Goal - all the upbringing she went to. The perfection others got into her brain

Baby Goal - the childhood he lost, the innocence and care in the world

Spunky Goal - adventurous. The part that got to talk most on Deponia, and in the fourth game imo.

The fact the internalised conflict got shown so well in the game. And then the self betrayal, only for her to come back once again.

And then again, in Goodbye Deponia. Goal kept on reinforcing herself as an independent fella who still sometimes fell for Rufus' lies. The fact that till the end, her own goal (haha) of getting to Ulysess and telling about Deponia worked out, and then, she had to lose Rufus just hurts a lot. The fact she didn't want to let herself mourn, that she had to bring back Rufus because he never gave up during the story - ough. She lost her home. She lost so much. And in the end, she let herself accept it and go.

She saw the world with a pink eye monocle. Cus she kept on calling Rufus and other people out. She could do so on Elysium probably, seeing her upbringing but also, she had to go opposite to her Lady training.

She's a great character. Truly

All the people I ship romantically with this character

BRO you single handedly made me like her with all the clones. Rufus, Cletus, Argus, though for Argus mostly as funny enemies-besties.

But... GoalxToni for life,,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I want to see her act more with rest of the squad. Lotti, June, Hermes, Doc, Bambina,,, there are a lot I think if she had more time, would love to have her around.

My unpopular opinion about this character

This fandom has great takes so I don't think I have any. I'm a bit too rusty tho sjshsh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

L... Less sleep....

[neochan]

i'm excited that you've been active recently! if it's not too much trouble, could you share some drafts or fics that you have coming out this year? i just love your fics and wanna know what to look forward too <3

anon ur actually gonna make me cry, this is so sweet :((

i have a lot of half written drafts / outlined fics so i'd be happy to share with you!!! these are in no particular order!

the pick me chronicles, jaemins & jeno's drafts which are coming out this month and next month!

fault line - a toxic ex au with haechan and jaemin (they're both street racers)

part two to a movie of our own, called press play :) it's basically just mindless sex with 00 line..

desire part two

my series vice (still haven't decided if i want to scrap this or not. i have it planned but no motivation what so ever)

sweet dream - an incubus!jaemin fic

habits series - a series in which renjun is a drug dealer, jaemin is a rich boy who slums it with his friends, haechan is a street racer, and jeno is a street fighter

pjo series for 00 line + mark. the pairings are as follows: son of hermes!hyuck x daughter of athena!reader, son of ares!jeno x daughter of eros!reader, son of posiedon!renjun x daughter of aphrodite!reader, son of aphrodite!jaemin x daughter of hermes!reader, son of apollo!mark x daughter of hades!reader.

parasocial - a mystery draft that i won't talk too much about. this is my baby. it's a rock band!au for 00 line + mark. it will come out this year because i'm actually writing it behind the scenes so you guys won't have to wait for me to write it lol.

book shop keeper!jaemin x author!reader fic that is fully outlined. i just need to write it.

I have a half written hunger games draft that may or may not get posted which includes all of nct (including lucas & sungtaro).

I have an alice in borderland au for haechan x reader x yuta, it has two scenes written, but i'm also thinking about scrapping it lol. not bc i don't like it, but i just don't have the time to write something to intricate.

I think that's all lol. it's a lot, and most of these are long fics or series, so i hope you guys like them / want to see them. i think i'm passed the point in my writing career for one shots/ pwop. doesn't mean always, that's just not what i'm interested in writing haha.

watch me give you all these details and then immediately ditch them all for a new concept lol

[akdenide]

Who is Leo?

• 17 years old -> 07/08

• orchidsexual

• quoiromantic

• voidpunk

• ambiamorous

• MY KINTYPES: red fox, flat coated retriever, Trent (Total Drama), Hermes (Epic: the musical), AraknoBoy (Araknow 2100), Blazion (Yo-Kai Watch), the shadow™

• MY HEARTTYPES: crow, margay

• MY LINKTYPES: Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivruski IV (Cowboy Bebop)

MY HEARTHOMES: The Borderlands (Alice in Borderland)

• my pronouns list

• MY INTERESTS: True Crime, Yaelokre, ASTV, punk culture/music, alterhumanity, any kin media, true crime, school bus graveyard, the interpretation of shadows, not so silent.

• MY FAVOURITE ACTIVITIES: watching True crime videos (especially Elisa True Crime's), dancing, creating OCs, scrolling on Tumblr, reading

• My main blog is styxfoxx

• My religious sideblog is thesunnyplace

• DMs, asks and anons are welcomed, encouraged even.

• I am open to flirting, making new friends and relationships, even long distance

• I am single

• Moots can ask for Discord or Instagram, close friends can ask for phone number

• I am Italian

• I speak Italian, English, French and Spanish

• I am learning Italian Sign Language (LIS)

• I know the basics for Chinese and Russian

• Please no creeps/19+ for the flirting.

THIS WILL BE UPDATED SOON

[multiverse-edge-slobs]

MUSE LIST, you can ask one, or both if they are grouped up.

Loona and Millie.

Aloy

Alex, clover and Sam

Class 1-A ladies

Marinette and Ayla (aka ladybug and Rena rouge)

Any lady from borderlands

Nicole watterson

Garnet, amithest, and Pearl

Chloe and Nadine

Hornet

My kinks are, weight gain, burping, farting, inflation of any kind except pregnancy, shrinking, growth, hypnosis, and animal tf.

Just no extreme nsfw popping, scat”

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

THE WAINLOCK GUIDE

Preface

Hello! Welcome to the Wainlock guide! I’m Nikolai Jakobslock, your host and number one scholar in the ways of Borderlands old man bara. Today I will be presenting you with my Knowledge of these two silly peepaws, and how to write them; and trust me, I am qualified to speak on this topic. They do not call me the CEO of Wainlock for nothing.

DISCLAIMER 1: Certain aspects of this, especially the symbols sections, are subjective. Like all fictional characters, these two are ultimately up to interpretation. Here, I am just laying down the way I personally interpret these two, and what I can extrapolate from canon.

DISCLAIMER 2: This text assumes you have played BL3 and BL2, and have at least basic familiarity with these two. I am not going to explain the entire Borderlands lore here. Go watch EruptionFang’s timeline for that, or whatever. I tried to be comprehensive, but even I have my limits.

DISCLAIMER 3: This might be a little bit incoherent because I have ADHD, which means I have a crippling addiction to writing walls of text. Also, English is not my first language. Sorry.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Usual Borderlands fare (gore, animal and human death, guns), alcohol, drugs, mentions of sexual assault, abuse, parental neglect.

Sir Alistair Hammerlock(-Jakobs)

Backstory

Hammerlock is from the planet Hermes. Not much is known, but it apparently has a thin, helium-rich atmosphere, and forests. It is ultimately up to you how you interpret this information, as we haven’t visited the place yet.

It’s unclear when he left home, but what is somewhat clear is that he left early and has no intentions of returning. His family is, or at least styles themselves, like a noble house; getting rich off of questionable ventures (they have what he calls “blood money”) and genuinely being shady as all fuck. Additionally, his father was needlessly harsh (sending him to Pandora as a punishment for swearing in a formal environment), and his mother doesn’t seem to be a good person either, considering how even Aurelia is waiting for her to die.

While he is by no means poor, he seems to live (or have lived, until he literally married into a multi trillion dollar megacorporation) in relative squalor compared to his turbo-mansion owning sister, so it’s safe to say he inherited none of his family’s fortune. (Not to mention how rusty and scrappy his prosthetics look.) He represents the trope of the impoverished blue-blood, as well as someone who defected from what we might consider decadence.

Hammerlock is a hunter, adventurer and gentleman. He is described as such in his very intro cards, and this has echoed through his entire character.

He has been all over the Borderlands, perhaps even all over the Six Galaxies, and seems to have a “this reminds me of…” for every situation. He worked in corporate advertising, he’s seen wonders beyond imagining, he’s written at least one book on the myriad creatures of the galaxy. He’s befriended pretty much every Vault Hunter of note. Both Eista (a fellow hunter) and the lore book admit he has a legendary reputation.

That being said, of course, a life of adventure isn’t so glamorous as it seems. He admits to having a large collection of scars from being shot, bitten and mauled so much, and there’s even a line that implies he was once sexually assaulted. And of course, then there’s Old Slappy.

Personality

Despite the trauma mentioned above, Alistair doesn’t seem to budge from his shiny, chipper demeanor. He’s probably the nicest guy on Pandora, in fact.

He’s honest, kind, doesn’t get angry when the player messes up a sidequest and kindly explains what you need to do.

However, he also doesn’t often show explicit (negative OR positive, though mostly negative) emotion. Rarely does his steely gentleman persona - or perhaps, armor - break. The closest it gets is in either his Parting Words echolog, when he seems on the verge of crying as he says what he thinks is his last “farewell”, or in the ending of Guns, Love and Tentacles, where his voice cracks TWICE as his concern for his beloved reaches its apex.

Also in that ending, he admits he “was so afraid”. This is one of the only 2 times he genuinely admits fear (outside of the immensely gentlemanly and polite expression “I’m afraid I…”), and this is understandable. He’s a fearless adventurer! He’s not afraid of anything!

Except he is. He very much is. He just does not admit it to anyone willy nilly.

In fact, he doesn’t admit much of his emotions in general. He is a stoic, the archetypal gentleman with a stiff upper lip. (This is far more pronounced in BL2 than in BL3: I choose to interpret it as Wainwright helping his beloved open up a little.) But it is a facade, and underneath is a tangled bundle of repressed emotions.

What is NOT a facade, however, is his sheer hope. Regardless of the things he’s seen, he does seem to genuinely believe in the inherent goodness and kindness of people. He was willing to give Aurelia one last chance, even after all she’s done.

Keep in mind to not mistake this for naivety or harmlessness, of course. Alistair is intelligent, and as bloodthirsty as you’d expect a seasoned explorer of the Borderlands to be. In fact, his thrill-seeking tendencies sometimes even teeter on the masochistic. I wouldn’t be surprised if his (human) killcount was in the early triple digits.

His passion for and dedication to his life’s work as a zoologist is equally admirable, and personally reminds me of the way an autistic is passionate for their special interest (because I am autistic). This is a man with a zest for life, and enough energy to power a large city for a week.

Dialogue

Alistair speaks with that typical, quintessential Received Pronunciation accent. His voice is crisp, clear, melodic.

His vocabulary is very sizable. Often will he use complex, sophisticated words, and that often ends up with his lines being overly verbose. Like, really long. I recommend picking up a thesaurus to find the fanciest synonyms you can find.

If he does swear, it’s usually something light like “bloody”, or a verbose/fancy version of a preexisting swear, like “fecal matter!” instead of “shit!”.

Despite him talking like the Victorian English gentleman directly stolen from a steampunk novel that he is, he is not above peppering in the occasional hard swear or funny word. “I’m standing right here, dude.” comes to mind. Also, I just think he should be allowed to say fuck in sufficiently emotionally charged situations.

Speaking of those, we don’t really ever see him having a proper breakdown, but if he would, I think he’d just vomit a tide of half-formed word salad.

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Air, weather, wind (something something Hermes is the god of messengers)

Lightning, energy

The Sun

Snow (NOT ice, that’s his sister’s thing)

Nature, fauna (obviously), but also human naturalism; awareness of man as an animal with biological functions or as a persistence predator

Animal death: bones, teeth, fossils, leather-bound books, fur coats, taxidermy

Precision, finesse (it’s weapon based characterization: sniper rifles are his preference after all)

The ideal of a medieval knight: chivalry and nobility but also armor and weapons

Swords, rapiers, knives; scissors, needles, razors

Mechanisms, specifically clockwork (steampunk comes to mind again)

Glass & earthenware in general, especially cracked (scarred)

Travel, motion

Metals: silver, copper, brass and bronze; anything molten, polished or scratched

Light

Sugar, particularly sugary baked goods (biscuits), with the exception of certain savory flavors like meat

What NOT to do

DO NOT give out first name privileges to too many characters.

The only people in the series who ever call Alistair by his first name are his sister and his husband. Everyone else calls him Hammerlock. If someone calls him by his first name, it better fucking be someone important to him, like a long-time close friend.

DO NOT fall into racist cliches holy fuck man.

If I have to see one more work where a character of color is described as having chocolate colored skin I will go insane. There’s, like, a 100000 descriptors you can use and you choose the racist cliche.

DO NOT ignore the fact he’s disabled.

Do some research on phantom pains, how prostheses can be both useful and cumbersome (often the latter).

Wainwright Del Frisco Jakobs(-Hammerlock)

Backstory

Wainwright’s homeworld is Eden-6, which is thankfully a location we can visit in game. In fact, we can even visit his ancestral home, the Jakobs Estate.

As far as we know, he has never been offworld until Alistair sort of dragged him out of his house and into the great beyond. He knows the nooks and crannies of the manor like the back of his own hand, and uses that knowledge to outrun and misdirect Troy, among other things. In a way, he is that place, - explicitly being described as a homebody.

We do not know much about his mother Margaret, but he seems to miss her dearly. His father Montgomery however… well. Ol’ monty was quite neglectful. He refused to spend money to maintain certain parts of the estate, or to ensure his son had a good life. When Winny opened up about not feeling strongly about running the family business, Monty seems to have pinned the blame on his son’s boyfriend, and not on his own shitty parenting.

That being said of course, it’s not like Wainwright didn’t go out of the house at all. ECHO logs describe him as going to bars around the basin, mingling with the “common folks”, things like that. For an heir to a megacorporation, he sure is surprisingly down to earth (in stark contrast with Katagawa Jr., another corpo higher-up we meet in BL3).

Additionally, before the CoV killed everyone, the manor was full of staff and relatives and visitors. It was alive, its own microcosm of the world, and young Wainwright definitely made friends with a great many of them.

Now, they’re all gone, and the manor’s empty and largely unused. Decrepit, even. But he could restore it to glory.

Not to mention the mistakes his corporate predecessors have made are waiting for him there, in his office, to be unfortunately discovered…

Personality

Wainwright is a fairly simple, good ol’ boy. Humble, insecure, even anxious - but also painfully stubborn (that last one is a Jakobs family trait, if a certain line is to be believed).

He is far more open about his emotions, and not just when he’s drunk. Sometimes he curses like a witch, yet joyfully exclaims just how much he’s glad that the Vault Hunter saved his life (thank you David Wald, you really put your whole pussy into this performance).

Speaking of drunkenness, this is a crucial part of him, and not just because he drinks whiskey a lot. At best, he’s a social drinker and at worst he’s drowning his sorrows.

He’s somewhat grumpy, with some of that old man crankiness in him, but also not really. Preferring peace and quiet, he himself is fairly peaceful, but heavens fucking help you if you disturb him. In essence, the guy’s a period piece white suit wearin’ southern gentleman: charming, fine, but also fairly “stiff” or “slow”. Except without the shitty parts (i.e. racism), thank god.

Wainwright is fiercely protective of his own, being prepared to sacrifice anything for them - including himself, even (back to that humbleness and insecurity, but with a selfless bent). He’s also not above using underhanded tactics to get what he wants (back to that stubbornness again) from people he doesn’t trust or like. He’s the Wisdom to Alistair’s Intelligence, if that makes any sense; he can be a little bit clueless sometimes (you’re supposed to run AWAY from the glowing pit cultists are sacrificing people to, not towards it!).

For people he does trust, though - he definitely believes in fairness and kindness. Reliance, civility, honor, all that, are qualities he absolutely has even if he doesn’t think so.

He’s not particularly out for blood unless it’s revenge related or self defense, but this being Borderlands his killcount is absolutely above 0.

Personally, I think he also has a slight epicurean or perhaps even hedonist streak, enjoying and savoring life’s pleasures as they come and go, but understanding that suffering is a painful, inevitable part of life.

Dialogue

Wainwright speaks in a typical southern accent, even though Eden-6 being the Space Louisiana that it is, you’d expect a specifically Cajun accent (and to me, this man is 100% Cajun as fuck). If TvTropes is to be believed, then this is something that happens often, but y’know. His voice is warm, soft, flowin’.

Somehow, his speech strikes a perfect balance between crass and classy. He often uses wacky, flowery country metaphors and idioms, but also perfectly enunciates words like “perforate”, knowing what they mean. His vocabulary is as rich as Alistair’s if not more (reading a ton of books will do that, but also Monty says shit like morose ruminations, so.), he just doesn’t use big words as often.

He also swears much, much more frequently. When he’s drunk, or emotionally riled up, he swears up a storm. Unfortunately he never says the f word because Gearbox was too afraid to give him such power, lest his homosexuality evaporate the CoV in 5 seconds (joke).

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Earth, soil, mud

Gunpowder, smoke, ash, oil

The Moon

Gardens (something something Eden is garden of paradise, something something the untended gardens of the Jakobs Estate)

Fire: specifically in the context of the hearth, the fireplace, or guns

Guns and gun parts (obviously)

Wood (including woody smells like sandalwood, pine sap and cedar), paper

Cloth, silk, treated leather. Also sewing

Metals: iron, lead, gold (including in the context of gold = money, riches)

Force, strength (again, think of it as weapon-based characterization: he uses a shotgun)

The comforts of home, stillness

Doors and doorways, curtains, hallways, furniture

Time and its passing: people and alcohol aging, rotting wood, heritage and inheritance

The archetype of a king or heir to the throne

Blood, bandages

Repair, mending and maintenance, whether literal or metaphorical

Salt, with the exception of “old fashioned” sweets like syrup or honey

THE HEART STILL BEATS! THE HEART STILL BLEEDS!

What NOT to do

DO NOT assume he’s uneducated just because he’s got a southern accent.

This guy was born into a rich ass corporate family. He can perfectly say “fatal testicular devastation” without falling over his words. He’s a bookworm on levels heretofore unseen. He probably had an expensive university, or perhaps personally tutored education. This man is wise, just in different situations than Alistair is.

DO NOT type out the accent too much.

But also, DO NOT not type it out at all. Typing out those in’s and an’s can actually assist the reader with imagining his voice, recognize when he speaks, AND it’s canon accurate because the in-game subtitles also do that!

Then how much should you DO type it out? See above: around as much as the in-game subtitles would. I personally like to type it out more strongly when Wainwright is tired, and weakly when he’s pissed, but to each their own.

DO NOT ignore the fact that he’s disabled.

Yes I am saying this again. He’s half blind, and it affects him greatly. And it doesn’t look like it can be replaced with an artificial one - though if it could, I doubt he’d want it at this point.

Also he’s old. He’s probably got them creaky joints.

Putting Them Together

General Feel

They’re in love. They’re so painfully, and deeply, and sweetly in love.

They met on a hunting expedition which Monty arranged (and then it bit him in the ass a little LMAO), and it kinda went from there.

Their relationship is already long-term by BL3, based on trust and communication. They are comfortable with one another, willing to be vulnerable. Opening each other up, seeing both the good and the bad, and accepting all of it.

Their loyalty towards one another is unquestionable. If one ordered the other to kill, the other would most likely not hesitate. Speaking of violence, their fighting styles are directly opposite to one another, but would actually synergize really well together.

Of course, they bicker, like any old married couple does. But it’s all in good fun. If they have genuine disagreements, they talk them out like actual fucking adults, and either try to compromise or concede to the other temporarily. There’s no “power dynamic” bullshit involved here (outside of a sexual context, which is not something I will cover here), just two equals.

They’re very different - and both have their insecurities about this, which are explored in GL&T. But in the end, they love each other just as they are.

While the only things we canonically know they find attractive in one another are their accents and facial hair, I think a major point is the other’s personality, mind, outlook on existence. They both appreciate the world and affirm life, but in different ways: Alistair with his zest and energy, Wainwright with his calmness and slow enjoyment. In my friend’s words, they’re each other’s bitches who they pulled by being autistic. (And they definitely find each other hot and badass, let’s be real here.)

Their relationship has genuinely improved their lives, from what we can see: Wainwright gained the courage to stand up to his father, Alistair started being more expressive with their emotions. Doubtlessly this extends to other areas of their lives: Alistair being provided a place to rest from his adventures, Wainwright being dragged out from his home and experiencing the wonders of the world. They even hyphenated eachother’s surnames.

And, of course, Wainwright definitely uses some of his vast wealth to spoil his husband to bits. It’s what he deserves, really.

They say nobody’s funnier than queers, and they also say nobody’s funnier than disabled people. Well these two are both of those, and they crack jokes a lot! Not like your average Borderlands character, no - their domain is actually somewhat funny (in an old person way) dry one liners and silly quips.

Dynamics and Such

Wainwright as a sort of “dame (or rather, gentleman) of the heart”, a source of strength for Alistair, his meaning, which shelters him from fear. (“Give me strength, Winny. All I do, I do for you.”)

Alistair searching for something all his life, Wainwright waiting for something all his life. Obviously, this something is love.

Mutual admiration, almost worshipful reverence towards one another.

Silly little old men sitting on their silly little porch. Together. Gayly perhaps.

Culture shock. They come from two very different environments, and have very different tastes.

Generally just. Opposites attract. That is the core of their dynamic and one should keep that in mind.

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Juxtapositions of any kind, stark contrasts

Eclipses, stars

Things that should be complete opposites but actually strengthen one another: salted caramel, alloys of various metals, etc.

“Light” drugs: coffee, tea, tobacco, alcohol. As well as different ways of enjoying them

Books

Suits and other finery

Disability

GUNS (again)

Nature, the world, seasons, flora AND fauna

Swordfighting, dueling, consensual & safe sparring

Domesticity in general: literally sleeping together, cooking, tidying the house

Burials, graveyards, memory

Hygiene, care; hair washing and cutting, shaving, bathing; wound mending

Old timey homosexual symbols: green carnations and lavender, outdated terms (even reclaimed slurs), aspects of kink, etc.

What NOT to do

DO NOT apply heteronormative dynamics to them.

No, Alistair is not feminine just because he’s nice or bottoms or whatever the fuck else. He’s not feminine at all, actually.

Speaking of which, I promised not to be too sexual here, but I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS - the top/bottom dichotomy seen in fandom is unrealistic. In general, but especially in this case. Not only does one’s sexual position indicate nothing about personality - position switching is actually an important part of a long term established relationship. So, avoid that shit like wildfire.

They’re both masculine, in the sense a fine gentleman is. Just because that masculinity is “dated” to our modern eyes doesn’t make it any less masculine. Fuck off.

DO NOT tag them if they’re a 5 second cameo. Or if they don’t even appear in the work yet.

Look, I get it. And if you’re reading this guide, you’re probably not the kind of person that would do that. But also, I am not in the Sir Hammerlock (Borderlands) tag to see your perpetually unfinished rewrite fic. Or to see your random ass ship fic that has jack shit to do with them.

“But what else do I use?!” MINOR OR BACKGROUND CHARACTER(S).

It’s fine if you have their wedding or the estate as the setting somehow. But if that’s the case, I hope they’re a BIT more than a 5 second cameo. They’re the hosts for fucks sake.

Sorry if I sound mad about this. It’s because I am.

Additional Resources

Onelook Thesaurus: my online thesaurus of choice. It also searches for synonyms, phrases, and words you can explain but don’t actually remember.

old men yaoi.zip: A .zip file of EVERY BL3 line of these two’s I could find that is not tied to a main quest, sidequest, or ECHO log in convenient .wav form. Ripped straight from the game. VERY useful, as “idle lines” often contain great trivia, but fishing for them in-game is a pain in the ass.

locres14.txt: The BL3 subtitle file, also directly ripped from the game. Incredibly large and not particularly helpful in of itself, but if you open it in Notepad++ for instance and use the search function you can find some good stuff. Particularly useful for writing dialogue, obviously.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this! I hope this will help at least one person write these two a little bit better. They’re my favorite characters in the entire series, and it saddens me to see they get barely any fancontent outside of what I make. (My fics constitute 31% of their AO3 tag, for fucks sake!)