#boomer aged oppression around that

[queen-mabs-revenge]

WELP.

i am not able for this level of family drama 🫠

[unclefathersantateddy]

what are your thoughts on teddy's relationship with his family and how they were abusive? what about his younger sister?? and his relationship with his ex wife where he was also abused by her 🤔 how do you think these affected his personality and relationships. sorry this is an English essay ass prompt but im genuinely curious lmao i love analyzing family history (obvs)

Light coming in with the big gun from the get-go!!! Hahaha thank you for a great question!!!

So from what we know about Teddy's mom, she's a bit of a Wild Card™. Likes to do what she wants, when she wants, isn't exactly your traditional grandma.

But given the majority of people become docile with age (rather than more adventurous), it stands to reason /why/ she waited until retirement to do all the things she enjoyed? Could that be why her and Teddy's dad always used to argue?

Teddy's age places his parents as either dating or hooking up around the 70s/80s. Assuming they've never left the US, this wasn't exactly a pinnacle time for women's rights.

So we have an oppressive timestamp, a turbulent relationship, and then an extinction burst (Teddy's mom doing ALL her interests in retirement) post-breakup.

These factors together connote that teddy's father may have been restrictive/disapproving of teddy's mother's interests, hobbies, passions - or may be indicative of teddy's father's disdain/nonchalance towards his wife in general. (I'm assuming they were married because 'merica). Which would be an apt representation of Boomer relationships, the whole "can't live with them, can't live without them" (totally healthy /s).

But on the flipside to a potentially controlling father, his mom IS a wild card lol. If she's still up to mad shit in retirement, WHAT was she into in her prime?? Was she Fully Unhinged™? Given her, "muchness" (for lack of better words), it stands to reason it may transfer as "feisty" or "fiery" during arguments with teddy's dad, so whilst his dad may have been authoritarian, his mom may have been inflammatory and antagonistic.

As for his sister GIVE HER SOME GD SCREEN TIME!!!!!!! WHO ARE DANA AND DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna see if she's exactly like Teddy or if she's his antithesis, are they both so interested in learning about the lives of every stranger they meet? That's beautiful bro. I hope so. I both want her to be an almost identical twin to teddy, and to look exactly like her bf Dan (like the Van Houtens in the Simpsons). I think I want Dana to have the spunkiness that teddy lacks. I love the "anxious older sibling, feral younger sibling" dynamics, like what Tina and Louise have. I want an episode where Teddy's in therapy talking to Dr Marjorie about his childhood whilst Dana's out back wrestling a bar fly for his teeth or smn. Same trauma but dealt with in VERY different ways. I need it!!!!!!!!! I deserve this!!!!!!!!! LOL.

Moving onto Denise, FUCK Denise. Fuck any single individual that makes you feel like you have to change your core sense of self in order to feel accepted and/or loved. You KNOW she's that slimy level of manipulative that easily gets her own way in every situation. The type that rarely gets called up but if you call them up everyone else around will take their side. The GOOD manipulators. Real piece of shit types. The type to push you so far into a corner you come out crazy. So crazy noone believes you and they all side with the charismatic one. (These people boil my soul into an angry black jus, I become one of the 4 biles). IIRC we don't even get a full line from her, I'm pretty sure she only says "teddy?" (But please correct me if that's false), but that's still enough to solidify her as a shithouse in my mind. Questioning his name like don't pretend you don't know or recognise him you shitcunt, he gave you so much of his life. Eat a dick.

As negative as all these experiences are, I do think they shaped teddy for the better! I mean, he is a lil anxious and awkward and doesn't have the best self-esteem/confidence. BUT, he's incredibly emotionally intelligent for an old white guy. He's SO full of love, for EVERYONE. Every single person he comes across or meets (as exampled by S12E4 Driving Big Dummy), he fundamentally enjoys experiencing. They're not just people to chat to, they are experiences to be had. They are characters you've never heard of to stories you've never read. His approach to people is polar opposite to how most of us perceive other people, most of us are like Bob, he doesn't /hate/ people, but he doesn't /like/ them either. Teddy DOES like other people, he REALLY likes other people, he put the work into his trauma so it didn't taint the rest of him. I'm not gonna speak on behalf of everyone with PTSD but I know for a lot of us we fester on our trauma and victimise ourselves, often resulting in self- alienation and isolation, teddy shows no sign of that. S8E5 Thanks-Hoarding picks up on teddy being a handyman so he can "fix" his parents relationship (simplifying), but it doesn't address the fact he is CONSTANTLY putting himself out there. Handymen are a word-of-mouth trade, to be a successful handyman you HAVE to put yourself out there. To meet new people is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable with PTSD is like a rabbit exposing its belly to an owl yknow? Throughout the entire show we see teddy consistently putting the work in. Into every part of his life, he's making the effort to improve his life. I know healthcare in the US is a privilege that only the capitalists can afford, but it is so refreshing to see an American go to therapy instead of just complaining about how much they need therapy lol (no judgment, again I appreciate it's a nigh impossible situation to escape).

Thank you for the incredibly stimulating question, light!! (Sorry if I didn't answer all the questions fully! Will edit or update later!🤍)

[she-is-ovarit]

The devaluation of elder people in western culture absolutely breaks my heart. There are reasonable frustrations to have against individuals of the boomer generation who are misogynistic, racist, etc., but to paint this frustration in broad strokes over an entire aged population is wounding us. I look around and I see just as many individuals who are homophobic, sexist, racist, etc., in denial of it or in encouragement of it. It's all the same politics just with new terms and technology.

What the boomer generation had was being told they were going to die in a nuclear war every day, and nearly experienced it during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Can you imagine feeing so powerless to protect the people you love as wealthy men with twitchy trigger fingers are in charge of you and everybody else's lives around you?

They saw and experienced their nation force it's male citizens to be sentenced to death and to be sentenced to kill in Vietnam. Can you imagine either sitting in the room with your family and hoping that a certain set of numbers aren't called? Or, perhaps, hoping that they would be, because many men back then hurt women in severe and immeasurable ways without nearly as many laws to protect abuse victims as there are today?

They were also the generation that observed homosexuality becoming recognized as legal in 1967 (different from gay marriage being passed), and this was promptly followed by the AIDs epidemic. Can you imagine being a gay or lesbian boomer back then? Can you imagine holding your dying loved one's hand as they are essentially killed after they contracted a common cold due to a disease that destroys their immune system? Can you imagine getting this disease and understanding you're going to die slowly and painfully and are scared, and then nobody wants to touch you?

This is also the generation that received the news of a black teenager refusing to move to the back of the bus. They watched or even participated in marches on DC spearheaded from Martin Luther King Jr. and then observed their own government assassinate him years later. Many people in this generation and their protests were why the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed. This was also the generation that was sent to the last American Indian boarding/residential schools, and the generation of Natives who endured the events at Wounded Knee in 1973 by the bloodied hands of the feds.

When we drag down this entire generation, we're also dragging down the boomer women who were beat in the streets by their husbands because domestic violence laws were not yet passed, and even after they were men were still en masse violent in public. We're dragging down the women who were involved in the hippie movement, protesting the Vietnam war, and the women who put their lives at risk marching for their rights in the civil rights movement. We're dragging down the women who established the first rape crisis centers and domestic violence organizations.

We're dragging down the generation that looked to the stars and sent us to the moon.

And this generation also is going through the same events we are. They saw the rise of security cameras being placed into parking lots and the slow erasure of privacy. They went through the #MeToo movement. They experienced (and some died from) COVID-19. They were more resourced, but many also suffered through the two recessions with us. They want us to help them understand this confusing technology that they did their best to parent us through even though it was some new magic they didn't quite understand. They're getting cancer alongside us because of the water contamination and environmental pollution. They went through the same story we are going through: the greater population being oppressed by the rich, and the greater population being divided by politics and social issues.

My intention isn't to say that sexism, homophobia, racism, etc. needs to be accepted or given a pass when it's done by someone from the boomer population - how we handle these situations in our every day lives is nuanced and sometimes its best to cut our parents out of our lives because their unresolved trauma is now hurting us. My message is that it is heartbreaking to know that there is a relationship wound between our generations, because our elders know and have experienced so much, and they have little time left on this earth with us. Their most treasured moments with their parents were probably the exchange of intergenerational knowledge, and even this isn't happening between us because instead Millennials, Gen X, and Gen Z look to the internet for answers instead. And because of this we don't get stories straight out of human history from them.

Their generation went through so much and are now seeing their children withdraw into our screens. Yes it makes us frustrated and it makes us roll our eyes when they complain about us being materialistic or having no social skills because of social media. I don't know. Sometimes I do get offended and my 72 year old father's words hurt and come off as out of touch. But I can't blame my mom or my dad for holding that resentment when they probably feel a core part of the generational relationship - the sharing of intergenerational knowledge - being stolen away by technology.

[josiebelladonna]

i'm not on anyone's side—except for maybe the side of the people, the israeli, palestinian, jewish, and muslim people, all of whom didn't ask for this—but that's about it, though. (to assume that i'm taking sides is sick, tbh).

the problem is that, like the conservative nutjobs who are quick to slam palestine and kiss netanyahu's ass, those who are like “israel deserved it” are quite literally just as bad because those 600 people were civilians—and like i said, most of them weren't israeli, either. it's like when someone who claims to be pro life feminist tries to tell me that they're feminist because they think abortion “hurts women” (when we all fucking know it doesn't): it only makes you tone deaf because you failed to realize the real enemy here more than likely because of your own ego.

now, i had to read up (a bunch of times, no less) on the whole israeli-palestine conflict mainly because no one will give me a straight answer but also because i was born in the 90s, almost half a century after those two countries were started; of course i'm going to want to know some things, and i'm guessing most of you (that is, any gentile person under the age of 27) who are on the side of palestine here don't know about hamas—or you do, but you don't realize the threat they present to the world. they are extremely racist and anti-semitic (they deny the holocaust ever happened for god's sake). they committed this act. they killed those innocent people. the ones on the side of palestine who do know about them know exactly what i'm talking about: they are legitimate terrorists. the problem is that the media likes to conflate and distort the truth.

and herein lies the flaw with the newer generation in learning about these things. i actually have to go out of my way to read, but how many of you have? how many of you who are posting “i stand with palestine” know why you're posting it (aside from being against the ethnic cleansing that happens there)? how many of you who are griping about palestine being labelled as terrorists realize why they're being labelled that and that it's actually not them but hamas because this was the work of hamas?

listen, gen z. listen to the millennials, we're your older siblings. listen to gen x and the boomers (yes; even with our beef with the latter, listen to them for once), they're your parents and grandparents. they're the ones who saw this from the very beginning. we live in an era of extreme misinformation, and not reading up on these things, only taking them at face value and failing to realize that life isn't clear cut, only contributes to that.

you guys are supposed to be like magellan, making new “discoveries” and giving us new info and enlightening us, but really, i just see a bunch of 20-somethings who prove to me, time and time again, that you guys actually don't know shit and it really just looks like you're doing it to seem important. i'm aware i sound like an old lady complaining about the kids down the street, but these kids are careless—and at this point, i don't think it'll help to say “you'll learn” because knowing your egos and your level of resentment, you won't.

and saying israel deserved it, all because they're aggressors and their government is genuinely oppressive, saying those 600 people had to die, is genuinely despicable; when i really think about it, i honestly don't give a fuck how much you support palestine. you are quite literally as bad as the conservatives rallying around israel, the "maga" crowd who are treating this as if it's a game of risk (i dare you to look that up, too); if not, i'd say you're way worse because you don't see the violent antisemitism at work here (and i'm not jewish, either, so that's saying something). or you do, but you need someone like me to point it out to you because you can't read and think for yourself, that takes too many brain cells. i mean, holy shit, you guys are supposed to be the generation that told us sexuality can be gray and fluid for some people: you know that can be applied to life as a whole, right? you know nothing in existence is black and white... right?

ignorance comes with a price, and i know this because you preached it to me... and you guys are going to pay, if not now, then eventually.

[delusion-of-negation]

🔥 old folks

one of my best friends is 60+ she's got a few dodgy takes, like I generally avoid trans stuff around her, but she's cool. I get pretty overall good vibes with my elderly neighbour. I used to volunteer doing little bits in a care home. there were elderly people on that psych ward I was on. etc. I don't talk to my remaining grandma, because she's kind of an asshole. they're just like normal people. what's kind of an unpopular opinion, at least amongst people on here/online in general, who care about ageism, is that I think the elderly are as vulnerable and oppressed, often moreso, as young people/children. you can lock an old person up and drug them, literally for the rest of their life, when their mind "starts to go", it doesn't matter if they complain every waking moment about all you're doing to them, everybody says it's for their own good, the family abandon them, etc. even on a smaller level, everybody is constantly talking about how disgusting they find age and signs you're ageing. but because they're "boomers", anti-ageism stuff generally positions the elderly as oppressors and not victims. in reality, ageism isn't an oppressor/oppressed dichotomy, each is actually oppressed in unique ways (adults worked to the bone in basically every waking moment, made to feel valueless outside), simplifying it to adult = oppressor fucks over any hope of fixing.

[thecopyeditorsdesk]

Capital’s Lie of a Social Contract

[C]apital, without moral and without scruples, can only function behind a moral superstructure, and whoever revives this public morality (through indignation, renunciation, etc.) works spontaneously for the order of capital.

Jean Baudrillard, “The Procession of Simulacra,” trans. Sheila Faria Glaser

It has been difficult for me to believe that anything will be done to Trump as a result of the most recent investigations. He is a white, wealthy male in the United States. This country was created for people like him, and it is run by people like him, for people like him. It's so brazen and well-known that I do not feel compelled to guide you to the statistics of rich vs. poor in the world's largest carceral system.

But lately, I've begun to think it might happen. Not that justice will be served in any sense of the word, only that the system is about to scapegoat Trump as a sacrifice to us.

It seems pretty obvious now that Trump has been cast aside following the midterm elections. The former blowhard in chief has been replaced in the minds of the Right by someone who has gone even further Right than Trump, Ron DeSantis as the Republican golden man-child. However, the midterms showed a weakness in the Right's open shift towards fascism. There are still voters around the country who are willing to show up, even in a run-off election, in an attempt to curtail our descent into what will surely be a descent into hell for our nation's marginalized communities. How fast that descent will happen remains to be seen.

So something must be done. Those in power will not be dictated to by the average voter. Nor will they succumb to the ideals that ordinary people have been led to believe this nation stands for. The ruling class must act to convince us that power can still be used in our favor. And Trump is the perfect fall guy. He is someone they can afford to cast aside in their quest to make sure that we continue to believe the lie that this was ever a country built for the needs of the ordinary person.

There are many reasons why Trump is the perfect pick. His failures in the midterms will be cited, even openly. We will be told that it is evident Trump no longer holds sway in the Republican Party (we are already hearing this from corporate media). They will explain that the Party needs new, younger blood. Boomers are out, Gen X (nearly a millennial) is in.

Age, in fact, is an integral part of what might happen. To sacrifice one of their own, they cannot use a younger person, say, Marco Rubio or Rand Paul. Sentencing them to prison would not offer them the opportunity to commute the sentence due to deteriorating health--something I fully expect to see if Trump is tried and convicted. It also allows the corporate media to promote the Hollywood (imaginary) idea that you cannot outrun the law forever. Eventually, it will catch up with you. Much like the Christian idea of Hell, this illusory promise causes the oppressed to hold to some sort of justice--even if that justice is at a far future time. And, much like Hell, it is meant to keep us content with the lack of justice in the here and now.

After the conviction, while we are dancing in the streets, the ruling class will breathe a sigh of relief. They will have maintained our belief in the social order that does not genuinely exist. We will think that capital has upheld its end of the social contract. In fact, capital "was never linked by a contract to the society it dominates" (Baudrillard). It is all smoke and mirrors; it is the man behind the curtain in the hall of the "great and terrible Oz." It is an act, a show to entertain us and to keep us compliant.

When it happens, if it happens, ask the question: Who will benefit from this action the most? Don't buy the surface explanation. You won't have to scratch too deeply into the skin of the performance to find the truth.

Cross-posted on Post.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

The Sound of Rage!

(“Rage Against the Machine” Has Returned!)

By Stephen Jay Morris

7/12/2077

©Scientific Morality

I heard it from gun nuts: “A gun is only a tool. It’s like a shovel, you use it to bury corpses. It’s a tool to kill animals and people, plus to open padlocks.”

Music has multiple purposes beyond its artistic value. It can be used for TV commercials. It’s subliminal background noise for Baby Boomers shopping in grocery stores. During the 60’s, music that played over a store’s sound system was branded, “Muzak,” which was actually pop music recorded by orchestras. Now, the original recordings are played so that, while you are in the dairy section and you hear the song to which you lost your virginity, you tend to buy more. The music of the 60s is everywhere: in the movies, on the beaches, in video games, in commercials. It inspired my generation to rebel against tyranny. Agitprop music is not just for commies anymore. Right, Left, up, and down! Conservatives like marching songs and Country & Western. Aaron Lewis, ya all! The Left embraces the most motivating music ever! Liberals like folk music and Anarchists love loud, hard-on, Rock noise. Listening to the MC5 in my youth made me want to smash the state with a primal scream! Now-a-days, the only time I scream is when I have a harsh bowel movement. The popular music now is for people high on Benzodiazepines. Trap Rap? Whatever. Decades ago, the Paean was: ROCK & ROLL! Now, it’s…I don’t know.

In my life, I never would have thought that there’d be the day when Liberals and Progressives used the word, “fascist!” For years, now, Republicans have been calling Democrats “Communists.” Are you going tell me that THAT label isn’t fuckin’ retarded?! Some Conservatives know that Rock music is a catharsis for young people. That’s why some are going around and shooting up public places. They have no other way to relieve themselves! As a youth, I had two ways of relieving myself: jerking off and playing my music LOUD. I had no urge to kill anybody afterward. I remained in the refractory of my life. As for now, I keep busy in my old age. Instead of washing my truck, I engage in Hermeneutic studies so that I can argue with some Right wing Christian.

Ever since that 70’s metal band, “Areosmith,” collaborated with Hip-Hop pioneers, “Run DMC” in 1986, when rap music was coming of age, “Walk This Way,” never sounded so good! It was when, for a short time, that Black and White and youth united. “Public Enemy” and “Anthrax” came together in 1991 for the song, “Bring the Noise.” By the end of the 90’s, there was the advent of “Nu-Metal.”

What was “Nu-metal?” Here’s the skinny of it: It was a mixture of Rap and Heavy Metal. Acts like “Papa Roach,” “Limp Bizhit,” and “Kidd Rock” showed up in public, and it was on for little while. Most of the songs were about the usual subject of sex but, in the underground, there were political rappers in the mix. “System of A Down,” from Glendale, California, had Left-leaning songs. They were experimental also, in that they incorporated Armenian folk music and funk. Their followers were advocating Anti-Authoritarianism.

Then, from Los Angeles, California, came the Nu-Metal band, “Rage Against the Machine.” They named themselves after a punk fanzine called, “No Answers,” which incorporated that phrase. Tim Commerford, on bass, Zack De La Roacha, lead singer, Brad Wik on drums, and Tom Morello on guitar. They played sonic heavy metal with Hip-Hop beats. Like the “Clash” and the “MC5,” they sang about international oppression and rebellion. Their song, “People of the Sun,” is about South American peasants—hard politics about Third World people. You won’t see Kidd Rock doing that shit! He’s too busy sucking Donald Trump’s dick!

Zack doesn’t sing, he raps! He sounds like Bobby Seale, of the Black Panther Party, giving a speech at an anti-war rally. He reminds me of “The Last Poets” of the late 60’s, shouting out angry rhymes against racism. Their music is really reminiscent of the MC5; their sound based in heavy beat and loud guitar that comes in the cadence of feed back. Once their sound gets a hold of you, it won’t let you go!

Nobody knows what their ideology is. The band’s symbol suggests Anarcho-Communism. But who cares? Their songs are universal and blatantly pissed off! I mean, was “The Clash” Trotskyites? Who gives a fuck?! Will their reunion inspire a “Zoomer Revolution?” I don’t have an answer for you. One thing is clear, however: Conservatives are terrified of anger and change by Progressives. When they hear a Rage tune, they will melt into a puddle of piss. The CHUDs love to humiliate the pacifist Leftists by labeling them “emotional women.” But, just wait until they are confronted by a group of Lesbian Anarchist Feminists weilding AK 47s. Their flaccid cocks will retract back up between their pasty legs.

Now, that’s entertainment!

[maybebecomingms]

room to grow

“And that’s where I lived before I moved in where I’m at now,” my friend said, pointing out the window. “Right after I got divorced.”

There’s a bit of an age gap between us, but I couldn’t tell you by how much. She has children around my age and is semi (mostly?) retired. Yes, boomers and millennials CAN be friends. She clawed her way out of oppressive religion, too; I can imagine that, like me, she struggled with feelings of moral failure when she chose to leave her marriage.

“It was 300 a month; a little studio with a bathroom I had to share with 3 guys. It was kind of a sad little excuse of a thing. But it was so nice to be free that I didn’t even care, you know?”

Yeah. I am starting to realize that sentiment.

A couple of weeks ago, she and her roommate (who has been a friend of mine for even longer) asked me if I was gardening on the hobby farm like I have the past two summers. The answer was no, as hobby farmer friend is primarily my husband’s friend. When I said I wasn’t invited back, it was decided I’d garden at their house. They set aside part of their yard (in a mobile home park!) to build a raised garden. Earlier this week, we built walls with power tools and took a little drive in search of bulk topsoil to buy.

These are the same friends who told me a few weeks back, “we’re both divorced and we get it; if ever you just don’t wanna go home right away, you come here and we’ll keep you company.” I’ve taken them up on it many times. I’m so grateful for them both, and they are two of many reasons I have to look forward to the life that’s ahead of me.

So come on and leave the years When you watched the days go by Come on and leave the fears That you were afraid to find 'Cause while you wait inside The days go by

[redantsunderneath]

I’ve Never Seen David Lynch and George Lucas in the Same Room at the Same Time…

The thematic parallels between David Lynch and George Lucas are something I keep coming back to again and again, but their careers and evolution have a lot of overlap too.  They were born in the earliest Boomer cohort (George Lucas in May 1944, David Lynch January 1946) and had experiences growing up that were colored by the idyllic 1950s, but shifted into a distrust of authority structures that was common for many of their age cohort in the 1960s. They both came of age wanting to do something physical with her hands that felt creative to them in large grimy spaces - fixing cars for Lucas, and painting and installations with a fascination with organic materials, industrial metal, and rot for Lynch. They both fell into film because they were looking for something that satisfied their artistic bent (although film was never a primary aspect of her life to that point).  They wound up making a handful of short films over a 3 year period, culminating in a longer short-film that would eventually get them noticed at roughly the same age (Electric Labyrinth THX 1138 4EB [1967] and the Grandmother [1970] for Lynch).

These films netted both of them a patron (Francis Ford Coppola for Lucas, the American Film Institute for Lynch) and started filming their first feature-length film two years after those films.  They both got their biggest name recognition bump by films released in 1977 and pulled away from the power of the studio system in roughly 1984. Famously, Lucas offered Lynch a chance to direct what would become Return of the Jedi in about 1981 ( I prefer the story where Lucas does this by picking him up in a Lamborghini - I’ve heard a phone call version too, but it’s not as perfect) and Lynch answered something like “it’s your movie George, you direct it.” They both spent the mid 80s in movie jail, and although they took very different paths in general after (I’ve been emphasizing the similarities) there are still things that jibe in the history - they both reminded people of what they liked about them with a late 80s movie, spent a lot of the 90s on TV projects, did one project around classic radio, returned to theatrical notice around the millennium, all the while generally keeping their own council and disappointing a lot of fans.

There’s obviously a world of difference. Lucas is a left brained technologist who equated freedom with an owning of the means of production.  Lynch is it right brained impressionist seeing freedom-as no one ever being able to tell you what to do, acting as a solo artist with collaborators who merge with his sensibilities.  Lynch is a production lone wolf, depending mostly on people believing in him and funding him, and losing out in the popular consciousness by making uncompromising art that may not be what the audience wants, meaning funding is sometimes hard to come by. Lucas is like the Democratic party controlling the Congress and presidency - having total power but unable to turn that into what he really wants to make, somehow. The idea of Lynch selling his body of work to Disney is absurd.

But the correspondences in this are telling and help to explain the thematic similarities and divergences.  Plus, the differences often relate to the similarities - Lucas identifies with corrupted controlling paternalistic power as a horror of inevitable capture of the individual by larger structures, while Lynch sees the corrupted masculine influence as an archetype, the call coming from inside the house, agency coopted by a collective taint in the universal pattern .  But on some level these are the same thing - what is this person I am capable of becoming seeing as I am in control but yet not, doing horrific things?  Lucas’ constant commentary on slavery is about hegemony and a systemic oppression he is complicit in, while Lynch has whole pantheons of beings that turn people into vessels that oblate the self and make them act on subconscious programming.  Neither probably think the word neoliberalism too much but tend to communicate similar things about it is almost diametrically opposed ways.  

The thematic similarities are rooted in a few areas that unpack in to a variety of subspaces which overlap – patriarchal structures as psychoanalytic dynamics (more Freudian father fixation for Lucas, Jung for Lynch), boomer generational failure as socio-first-but-economics-ultimately, the artist as in struggle with larger forces (largely of the self), and an eastern religious metaphysics that is American Christian in flavor.   The major line of difference running through this is gender/sex/desire, Lynch being on main with a lot of spiritual overtones of sin, guilt, and “the fall” and Lucas finding this kind of guilt and sin as a secondary phenomenon that is mostly actively suppressed and unconvincing when it shows up; yet both wind up often finding physical consummation at direct odds with art in a gendered creation way (that also links Eraserhead to Age of Ultron and the original Frankenstein). Try doing a psychosexual reading of Howard the Duck sometime.  

Lucas’ developmental through line is this: dude in love with 50’s culture but informed by 60s counterculture makes a movie where the young granola-ish revolutionaries win against the fascists in an effort to rewrite society but, having secured rights for “independent spirit” reasons now finds himself in control of something huge and immediately starts making art about boomer men becoming their controlling fathers and then moves on to movies where powerless freaks are the real focus.  After a creatively fallow period, he comes back to make a sequel/prequel trilogy that is one of the most misunderstood complicated statements about people becoming what they hate as an eternal cycle at the level of the personal, the societal, the political, the spiritual, the artistic, you name it!

Lynch’s developmental through line is this: dude in love with 50’s culture but informed by 60s outsider/art counterculture makes a movie where the young artist struggles with the idea of a regular life, initiated by fatherhood, which attempts to destroy the artistic spark, after which he enters the Hollywood system and makes an artist as freak movie and a movie about plucky rebels conquering space authoritarianism (that the future of is books about that ending in messianic authoritarianism) and then disavows that system.  He then proceeds to make art about subject and object as a supremely gendered thing, in a land that has fallen from grace, moving inexorably towards the idea of eternal cycle at the level of the personal, the societal, the political, the spiritual, you name it!

They both have an idea of the father-artist identified with the abject oppressed, under siege as figure, resentful from being kept from creation, over a career realizing that their “self” is the horrific villain of their own story.  For Lynch, this is psychosexual, then spiritual, with a resisted toxic masculine urge to control and overwhelm, often in a violent way.  It is the artist’s own urges that get in the way of making art, of desiring in the universe that has an unbalanced power structure from some far off echoes of an original symmetry breaking inherent to the archetypal gender dynamic. For Lucas, it is the realization that the artist in control has a tendency to become the controlling dad and sexual relations are inherently problematic in a political and spiritual way.  Real art seems impossible if the artist has control, identifying with the downtrodden is a bit of a lie, happy endings can’t happen not because of the happiness bit because of the ending bit.  For both, there is a fundamental flaw in the cycle, which is patriarchal in nature, but Lynch just approaches this much hornier.

The boomer part probably requires the most discussion, but the TLDR is that they are both are crawling out, through Vietnam, from the 50s social order, and grappling with how badly the 60s idealism failed.  Lucas does this in the prequels as a big canvas critique of how the social revolution was co-opted by the generation not being able to see its own flaws, of not seeing the system taking over again, an Empire calling itself a Republic.  An inability to look in the mirror and really see.  The wisest oldest hippie is the only one who sees what’s happening, but is powerless as his apprentices are inevitably spit out, and the next generation has to be raised not by a skeptic but a true believer in “liberal” “democracy” (cynic quotes theirs).

Lynch is interesting here in that he most directly addresses this only in Twin Peaks, but we see more naked reflections, divorced of contemporary politics, in his other works. In Twin Peaks, Ben Horn is the Palpatine figure, who winds up a sweet old man buying off the harm his life’s work and progeny have produced while ignoring the poor and next generation personally. Jacoby the neutered, fried Yoda that eventually slides into Alex Jones territory (the canonical Boomer ethos in a nutshell – “what me” neoliberalism and change the world ideology going crackpot).  All of Twin Peaks except for Fire Walk with Me is directly socioeconomically generational (Bobby Briggs becomes a young Republican in season 2, the mill, the trailer park), but the other works are full of class issues informed by Lynch’s age.  From Blue Velvet’s suburban kid exploring his darker side by going to the poor part of town through a career of classist low-life encoding (Bob is a denim jacket wearing homeless person, all the covered in grime by the dumpster/trailer park characters, Ronette as the factory floor version of Laura, etc), culminating in Inland Empire and Twin Peaks the Return chronicling the fall of man as partially an (generationally specific in TP) economic fall into a unequal class defined world of needing an opening and leaving the house to labor as where evil is born. TP OS is about how boomers turned out just as bad, the Return is about how we inhabit the world of their ideological blindness.

All filmmakers seem to, at least to a certain degree, bring the question of creation of art directly into their work via distant or close metaphor. In Eraserhead and Elephant Man, Lynch values the spark of art which the downtrodden protagonist is trying not to lose. In Dune, the visionary with a big project that seeks to upend the system (but that we know eventually become something even worse) is a project that fell apart due to studio interference.  Blue velvet is about the act of watching awakening something uncomfortable in us that is incompatible with normie life (it wouldn’t be weird to say it was about porn). Twin Peaks is about television, FWWM about movies, and all at least partially about closure being a death act in art.  Lost Highway is about the artist tortured by desire, Mulholland Drive about desire being central to be eaten alive by the Hollywood system.  Inland Empire is about filmmaking as a way into understanding the world on a deeper level (as is its unofficial sequel Inception) to cure its ills.  All of this is art’s struggle against power, with an element of the major powers being subconscious forces that control us leading to desires that ablate the artistic impulse.

Lucas' projects have over time been about a young upstart independent filmmaker, losing his soul by becoming successful, and becoming the system, man.  He then tries desperately to identify as really not the one in charge, until he admits to what he has become.  He consistently dips back into filmmaking as an adventure or a good fight, but he has to set these in a time period before his birth.  As in Lynch, having a child is equated with not being able to fulfill the kind of artistic destiny, but Lucas goes further in equating it to an excuse for why the powerful artist goes bad and needs redemption.  He had a naïve or-is-it canny motif focused on the short inhuman outsider, often related to music or primitive settings (often with wooden cages) as a recurring thing for a while.  These characters are often wise, or at least no filter tell-it, and are similar to the Elephant Man.  This is a trope, sure, the wise different wavelength other, but there is also an identification of the artist at knowing and right yet impotent and a clue to the author’s metaphysical system.

Lynch is the mainline protestant in upbringing and very much influenced by a kind of proto-eastern religion (you can just say the Vedas for shorthand).  Lucas is not very religious, but was brought up Christian, influenced by Christian symbolism and became interested in world religion as narrative via figures like Joseph Campbell.  Hence, they both gravitate towards some kind of Gnostic Proto Christian, So-Cal zen, Thomas Aquinas “gets” Plato kind of amalgam, which informs their work.  Lynch has veered towards an eternal cycle framework, and the very physics compatible idea of something in the past breaking and causing consciousness/suffering, through which we can achieve joy as a counter only through letting go of the self, and the recurrence of ruptures on all scales demonstrating a fractal pattern of hurt and redemption.  Lucas also sees a big cycle, but it is one more of human existence as narrative that has a tendency to return, with a little bit of Nietzsche and movie eastern spirituality thrown in. Both believe in a recurring pattern that plays itself out in a way that is terrible, but hopeful, as the struggle is where hope derives from.  Both have inherently Christian ideas and symbols in their work but lean back on non-Christian ideas that the Christian ideas have a history with. Lynch has his virgin Mary as the real Christ figure female angels that show up, while Lucas has turnt space Jesus.

Suffice it to say that the tree trial scene in the Empire Strikes Back and the lodge sequences in Twin Peaks are a very good place to start looking for how the two auteurs meet.  Compare Anakin/Luke Skywalker to Mr C, look at the 90s turn they both made, register their seeing the “sleeper must awaken” of fiction being terribly fraught, compare the force vs. the universal field, the way their relationship status and partners carve their work into eras, and their continued existence as mainstream experimental filmmakers. 

[aquirius555-musings]

A “Modest” Introduction

What is the point of this blog? Do you even care?

Context is Key, so Get to Know Me

For those who find me here, I am Aquirius (not Aquarius, Aquirius). The word “qui” is within my actual name and a nickname I’ve had from a young age. I am an Aquarius sun, and heavily identify with this placement. I am a nonbinary individual (They/Them preferred). I am a neurodivergent individual with ADHD and diagnosed chronic depression and anxiety. I am a witch and nature is my spirituality. I am a writer and content creator who became caught up in the throws of a privileged, catholic upbringing. This meant college and a career path in business. 

I went to school and was an over-accomplished student due to my ADHD brain and hyper-focus on “winning” and “success” (most notably financial success), because that’s what I was taught was important. Just before my senior year of university began, I lost one of my best friends at the age of 21, suddenly, and due to something no one saw coming or could stop...a seemingly random case of cardio-respiratory failure. This altered the course of my life, the way that I saw my self, and how I valued my life and the lives of those I love. 

After half a year of disassociation, panic attacks, and inability to function as a human adult, I somehow made it to graduation. After not applying to a single job due to my mental and emotional state, I took the only job available to me. One I was afforded due to my privilege. I got an interview and offer at a job back home through a networking opportunity I only had because of my father, who was a businessman in my hometown. 

My Turning Point

It took less than 2 years working there, and being out in the “real” world, for what felt like the very first time, to realize how everything I have worked for in my life was for something that I was conditioned to believe, and not something I did believe. I “woke up” as they say.

Waking up and uncovering your true identity is an experience many (if not all) twenty-sometings can relate to. What did it for me was the immense sexism, homophobia and ageism I experienced alongside the racism and other problematic behaviors I witnessed throughout this new world around me that I was meant to make my career. The business world, especially tech and start-ups, is a life-sucking and it values profit and “new” innovation over being human. 

I made to leave this world that I had worked so hard to be accepted into. I have now successfully separated myself. I left my last office/corporate job back in March of 2021 (now July, 2021) and I moved 1500 miles to a tiny mountain town in Colorado shortly after. 

Get to the point, Qui!

I am now focused on what I want to do with my life, my love, my creativity, and my time. 

I went to school to be a leader in business for other women (I am AFAB and was identifying as a woman) and other communities oppressed by this world. I went to school so I could work for myself and wouldn’t have to be victimized or degraded by others who possessed values I disagreed with or who disrespected me. 

I have always been passionate about being a leader for my communities, to represent something good, to give opportunities and love to those who don’t receive it from this cruel world. I always thought the way to achieve was to crawl to the top, but I quickly learned how much suffering I would endure if I went about it this way. And what would be left of me to give to others then?

I left behind the career and life I envisioned, the path to financial success I thought I craved, and I gave up living according to what society and others valued. I decided my life would be vastly different than I originally planned and I became someone new to those who saw me, and more myself than I had ever been before.

Change Requires Inspiration, Knowledge, and Motivation

It’s important to note that the inspiration and motivation to do this comes from being inspired by others in my communities and my chosen family (and a few of my actual family members). Many people from all walks of life have paved the path to living one’s truth loudly, and finding success in that despite the cries against it from the public or boomers caught up in the “traditional” way of doing things. 

And newsflash, those traditional ways are what’s killing our people. 

Some Inspiration Shout-Outs:  To my dogs, my cat, to the drag community, to the trans community, the ballroom community, to the enby community, to my two soul mates (my spouse and best friend), to my twin/my sister, to the witch community, to my TikTok community, to the Moon and to the nature of this Earth.

A Few Reminders:  Capitalism kills. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Climate change is real and we need to work to save this planet.  White people benefit from our country’s and the world’s capitalist-driven systems that exist so that those of other races can get less and whites can get more. Racism is violent, deadly, alive and well today and it is everyones responsibility, especially and mostly white people, to make the changes necessary to decolonize ourselves, our systems, and fix the things that oppress people of color. Especially Black, Brown, and Indigenous people in America. The prison system is modern slavery. Regardless of any identify a white person may possess (AFAB, queer, LGBTQIA+, etc.), we are always white first. 

Back to the Program...

In Summary (what this blog is all about)

I am now on the path to discovering what my talents are meant for and applying my creativity to the many passions I’ve discussed throughout my story in this introductory post. 

I love to write and one thing I learned is that I am a damn good writer, content creator, and communicator. I want to apply these skills and talents to projects I care about, ones that are both unpaid and paid. 

After weeks of hardcore avoidance, disassociation, and doing things for others, it’s time to get to work. I have no excuses left (and no money), and those are the perfect motivators to get my ass in motion. 

I find it hard to get out of my overthinking and fear-driven state of mind to make real headway. I thought starting a blog as a format to write all sorts of things without restriction, without pressure, and with anonymity would be the best way to get started. 

Getting started is always the hardest part. But now that I have started, there is no turning back. Thanks for reading. 

- Aquirius (July 2021)

[an-elegant-disruption]

Over the past few days, I’ve considered this phenomenon and discussed it with multiple people. 

I’ve decided that this phrase may be the best thing for Millenial self-care and resistance I’ve seen yet. 

What does Ok Boomer mean?

It highlights where a person is using oppressive and outdated social systems to infantize and ignore real conversations around restorative justice. 

What does saying Ok Boomer do?

It immediately allows us to disengage from a conversation where we’re not being heard and 100% of the emotional labor is being put on us while simultaneously being gaslit. 

It’s a protest and resistance of itself with minimal effort. 

It allows us to hold those pushing Boomer-era oppressive mentalities accountable even if they reject that accountability. 

It saves us mental energy, emotional labor, and time that we can now put towards engaging with the others in the conversation who are interested in real restorative justice and solutions. 

It disrupts Boomer tactics of gaslighting, infantizing, trolling, and circular discussions. 

When should Ok Boomer be used? 

I’m glad you asked! ‘Ok Boomer’ is for when someone is trying to push oppression dynamics with the tactics listed above: gaslighting, infantizing, trolling, and circular discussions that pretty much disregard all acknowledgment of oppression dynamics. It is not a catch-all reply to trolls on the internet or a catch-all insult. 

Is Ok Boomer ageism or just flipping around the oppression to target someone for another uncontrollable factor of identity? 

No. ‘Ok Boomer’ identifies a mindset and a goal to uphold oppression dynamics that were considered normal by the Boomer hey-day. It has nothing to do with age and isn’t a slur towards the elderly, just a dig at anyone who protects the privilege and systems of oppression that has existed for 60+ years with very little progress. It’s similar to calling someone “square”, “outdated”, or my personal favorite a “jackass.”

Who is harmed by saying ‘Ok Boomer’

No one. This challenges an oppressive dynamic by not engaging with a person. It’s not a slur. It just makes it clear that we’re not gonna play the same game we were forced to play for years.

Real talk... How Millenials express frustration and anger around oppression isn’t open for critique. How Millenials heal from oppression isn’t up for critique.

[obstinaterixatrix]

transcript of twitter thread (x) by @RileyGryc

I couldn't call my dad & explain why I think property destruction during riots is okay and why all cops are bastards, so I messaged him 3 articles & said the following to him. If you're struggling talking to your family about these topics, maybe this will help you:

First, I sent him The Other America, by Dr. Martin Luther King Junior: https://crmvet.org/docs/otheram.htm This was actually recommended by @AJBoomer4 and I appreciate them for that. It gave me the idea to look up other contemporary resources to send my father as well.

Second, I sent him Riots are destructive, dangerous, and scary — but can lead to serious social reforms, by German Lopez of Vox: https://vox.com/2015/4/30/8518681/protests-riots-work It's a fairly exhaustive analysis done in 2015 about the power - and even some drawbacks - of riots & property destruction.

Third was What I mean when I say I want to abolish the police, by Victoria Gagliardo-Silver on The Independent: https://independent.co.uk/voices/acab-abolish-police-george-floyd-protests-cops-a9543386.html It's a wonderful, detailed explanation of what ACAB means. The following tweets are the actual messages I sent my father to help him learn:

"These are the three best, and most expertly worded texts I can find on the subject of ACAB and violent protest. I can't speak better than they have on the subject, and I don't really have the energy to do so. But I will say, from personal experience, many agree with these."

"The consistent message from business owners who have had their restaurants, their hotels, their livelihoods burned down hasn't been one of anger recently. It's been of solidarity. Every single one I've seen the business owner said 'We are sad it happened, but we understand.'"

"'Businesses and buildings can be rebuilt; lives cannot be unkilled.' These owners have been diverse, a Muslim hotel owner in Minneapolis, a Chinese immigrant who owned a restaurant in NYC, many businesses in Seattle."

"Even the CEO of Target said that the burning down of his business in Minneapolis was fine. All workers there will receive full pay and benefits until the new location opens. It's covered by insurance. He encouraged the protesters and spoke to solidarity."

"As for ACAB, I know you're close with a lot of law enforcement. As the article goes over, ACAB isn't about every single cop is a bastard, it's about how the good cops are forced into silence or complicity while the bad cops spoil the bunch."

"It's about how the US police system, which was founded as an institution to track down & bring back runaway slaves, is inherently and foundationally corrupt. It means that our system of policing is inherently racist, and militarized, and those who join it even with the best..."

"...of intentions inevitably end up contributing to that system of oppression. Female reporters have been shot at. Kids have been maced. A black CNN reporter was arrested for no reason. The cops are showing that they want the violence in this case..."

"...they're the instigators nationwide against peaceful protest escalating into these riots. Curfews weren't imposed when Covid was around. 55 PPE sets can be bought for the $ of outfitting one officer in riot gear. The way policing is done in the US is fundamentally messed up."

"That's what ACAB means. Just like Black Lives Matter doesn't mean white lives don't, not every cop is a bastard. But the good ones are forced either to participate willingly or silently in this system, or burn out and deal with the trauma. I hope that makes more sense now."

I have no clue what his response will be. He has, in recent years, showed the sort of politics most men of his age get from Bill Maher. He's joked about not being able to say r*tard, called people snowflakes, has said he feels like Boomers being vilified isn't right at all.

He's a former firefighter & disaster preparedness educator. He's a government contractor who has had close friends in the police force. I have no clue if he will actually sit & read what I said fully & let it process. I hope he doesn't respond. But I did end it with this:

"All that I would ask before you respond or to refute what I've said somehow is to examine it. Examine how it makes you feel, why you feel that way. Just work through the defensiveness. That's all I ask." Here's hoping that he actually does the work before responding.

[wheretheeternalare]

not that there isn’t value to talking about how many poor and/or black and/or gay people in the baby boom generation died so they aren’t around to be boomers now, but i do feel like constantly invoking that idea is starting to erase the fact that there are plenty of people in those demographics who are still alive today. and there are also plenty of allies who might not have experienced the same oppression but were involved in the struggle against it, and they might not be as woke as activists from a younger generation but they’re still around to be allies today and shouldn’t be written off just because of their age

[ofravensandgenesis]

Meme Tag Games!

Thank you for all the lovely tags!! :D <3 This is quite belated but between some health happenings, the weather deciding to turn the thermostat way up (and the house AC went out), and other stuff, I got swamped for a while there. Here we are now though! :D Tagging anyone who wants to jump in on any of these, namely FC5 GFH tag game; OC Fighting Style; and WIP Day. Continued below the cut because this got long:

FC5 Guns For Hire Meme Game

Tagged by @chyrstis​ and @amistrio​ for the FC5 GFH meme, thank you for the tag!! :D <3 We have full length responses with some banter with the human GFH in particular here. I was kind of stumped with how to answer this for Joshua in what he might say as a GFH since his verse is very tailored for him being the Deputy and all the psychic shenanigans. Eventually I got over that and this is basically an AU where there’s another (unnamed here) Deputy who IS slated to be The Deputy that Joshua is trying to help (and convince to do less murder) to explain how he fits into a verse as a Gun For Hire. Psychic shenanigans still happen in this AU of an AU ofc, just it’s perhaps less prominent. We’re skipping over possible musings of relevant sidequests for Joshua relating to the Seeds in this for the sake of time, though I acknowledge that it’s something to explore, likely would impact the endgame with the Heralds, cult, and Joseph depending on the Deputy’s choices of doing a Kill or No-kill run. This verse also assumes that Joshua, the Deputy, Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson all got away or were not present for the helicopter crash. Other characters minor and otherwise who are alive in Joshua’s main fic verse ACABH are the same as in that story thus far, such as Rae-Rae and Ryan being alive. We’ll also presume the Seeds are all still alive at the time of these dialogue lines.

Deputy Joshua Raguel Rook

(All images used were public domain and/or labeled free for reuse under creative commons license. Above image was sourced from [here.]) With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Hey there boy, how’re you feeling today? Got some venison strips saved for you, you eating enough with all this running around?” [cue more small talk and praise for Boomer about how Boomer’s doing such a good job and Joshua feeding Boomer bits of cooked meat. Will likely sing snatches of cheery dog-themed songs he’s heard when in the party with Boomer and there’s no enemies nearby.]

Peaches: “...I hope that’s not people-meat in your teeth, Peaches, you know how Miss Mable feels about that, it’s bad for your health. I’m also not quite brave enough to want to brush your teeth—though maybe Dr. Lindsey or Wade can offer advice on that. We’ll get you some nice fish instead, that’s a good kitty.” [He’s a bit more shy around Peaches than Boomer bc cougar, but an effort at friendliness will be made.]

Cheeseburger: “...that is one big bear. He’s a sweetheart though. Just...hoping he doesn’t make a mistake of who he’s barreling into. It’s not like we’re wearing team colors or anything.” [Cheeseburger is a sweetie and Joshua likes him, but also: bear. Joshua’s a bit wary around him, but will still feed Cheeseburger salmon when able. May crack a joke paralleling Cheeseburger going “Only You Can Prevent Cult Gun Fire.” Will not crack this joke after any Jacob-region events though.]

With Other Guns for Hire:

Sharky

Sharky: So amibro, I was thinking, you know how those Angels are all dead in the head and stuff? How are they still shuffling around, is the Bliss like a zombie plant or something? Joshua: ...no, that’s more in line with the aliens that Larry keeps going on about I’m sure. Something about brainmelting and bendy straws, I got lost when he started mentioning Navier-Stokes equations for how the...resulting brain juice would be redirected. [Shuddery noise of disgust.] I’m not sure if he’s serious or just fucking with me and referencing Guy’s zombie movie series at this point. Could be either or. The Bliss is more like...like...uh. Like if you lost the keys to your car, but the car’s your body. You get me? Sharky: Damn, remind me never to OD on the stuff, I lose the keys to my car all the time. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to find em and just jiggle the lock so I can hop on in to hotwire the car because I’m in a hurry, you know? Ladies love a man who’s good with his hands, and who’s good with time and can improvise. You think that’d work on the Bliss car keys? Joshua: Maybe? Not everyone seems to be as readily lost to the Bliss at the same amounts. Personally I’d wager you’d be able to find your way back to your body no matter where you were in the bliss if we stood you near a signal fire. Sharky: This is why we’re friends man! Ride or die! ...also can you help me find my keys with that trick of yours, I lost ‘em again. Joshua: Yeah, though did you check under your bed? Also, maybe hang your regular set and a spare set of keys on a hook by the door so you can always find them, just in case you’re in a hurry.

Hurk

Joshua: Hurk. [Said in a Mild, Judgmental Voice of Impending Doom From A Friend kind of tone.] Hurk: Hey man I didn’t do nothin’ to deserve that tone of voice now don’t you start on me. Joshua: How can you say that when you and Sharky went and invented zipline grenade-golf without me last night? And blew up part of the mini-YES-sign. Hurk: Oh man you were talking up Lindsey and with the way the two of you were smiling and laughing, we figured you might be getting lucky so like the proper supportive wingmen me and Sharky were, we left you gentlemen some of our finest booze and sticky green. You did find it didn’t you, I’d hate to waste the gifts of the beneficent Monkey God from above as He Who Likes To Par-tay Above And Here Below On This Earth did command me never to waste beer or the good kush and to always help a brother out who’s trying to hook it up with their fine persons of choice. Joshua: Hurk I’m not— [sighs in accepting and fond exasperation.] It’s not like that with me and Charles— Hurk: Ooooooooooooo, you’re on a first name basis already! I knew you had it in you! Get it man, get it good! I’m not into that, you know I like the ladies strictly, but I will support your endeavors no matter the sex of your fellow party-goer as leader of Hurk Gate and the Bro-iest of Bros. Joshua: Hurk oh my god, I’m not trying to sleep with or romance him. I’m—he’s not looking for that, at least not with me certainly, and I—...just, thanks. I still have most of the beer and weed leftover if you and Sharky are up for graffiting one of John’s billboard signs though. You in? Hurk: Hell yeah man, and oo, you did get some then, Josh you sly dog! Joshua: I DID NOT! [Meta-clarification: Joshua indeed did not, for reasons to be revealed at a later time in the main fic.]

Sharky, Hurk, and Joshua, if one bends the mechanics so they are all in the party together at the same time:

Sharky: Pfhahahahaha oh man did you see the look on those Peggies’s faces when we came just crashing down the mountainside in that burning car? It was priceless!

Joshua: What better way to set fire to mass amounts of Bliss fields than with a moving fireball? Sharky: I know man it was great! We didn’t get too singed or nothin’! We gotta try that burning trash-ball idea next time though, like building a snowman but with fire! A fireman! Ha! That was the easiest fifty bucks of my life, cuz. Joshua: Hold up a tick now, what. Hurk: Sharky man that’s against the betting code! You’re not supposed to tell! Joshua: Oh, you cheeky bastards were betting on if Sharky could convince me to drive the car down the hill, weren’t you. Hurk: Man it’s always a crap shoot with you, specially around cars. That’s what makes it fun, sometimes you get all “guys that’s not safe,” [said with a poor imitation of Joshua’s voice complete with a very terrible southern, Georgian-style accent before Hurk switches to his normal speaking voice to continue,] —and other times it’s just “hold my beer.” You’re not going to go all prim and proper on us now are ya? Joshua: I can’t believe you two. Gambling in Hope County, I’m shocked, shocked. Sharky you owe me half, I’ll buy you a beer first round. Sharky: Hell yeah man! Hurk: Wait a second did you two just con me? I’ve been robbed! Police! Joshua: Hurk I *am* the police, one of them present at least. Hurk: Oh shit son, you right. Help I’m being oppressed by the system!

Nick Rye

[This conversation happens after Seed Ranch has been taken, along with the AU detail of capturing John’s plane Affirmation at the same time, preferably early on, while John is still alive.] Nick: Hey Joshua I was talking to Sharky— Joshua: Oh no. Nick: And he had an idea that wasn’t half bad. Not a good one, and you’d be liable to get killed or captured, but I got stuck thinking on it and wanted to ask: What d’you think would happen if you dressed up like the Father and just pulled a whole Mission: Impossible face-a-roo switch? You can do that imitation of how he speaks and everything, I’ve heard you do it before. And with how high the Peggies are most of the time, they’re so far out of their gourds they wouldn’t notice the differences. Joshua: You mean aside from his brothers and sister noticing he’s suddenly an inch shorter, twenty years younger and the wrong brand of crazy? Nick: Just go off about there being an edit to God’s Plan or something, and you could get makeup or something going on with that age thing. People do all kinds of wizardry with foundation and stuff, though you’d have to ask someone else on that. Maybe Addie or someone she knows? I don’t know if they have aging-up tricks compared to aging-down though. It could work! Might be a quick way to end the fighting if we can just stuff Joseph into a car trunk and then stash him in a bunker somewhere while you’re pretending you’re him. Joshua: Nick my tattoos are different and I’m not going to convince people I’m Joseph if I have to do one of his shirtless walkarounds, NOR am I having sins and Bible verses carved into my hide to complete the look. I don’t think we have any special effects or make up artists in the county who specialize in convincingly fake scars made out of latex or something. Nick: I don’t know, that Guy Marvel might have someone. Or, had someone. He has to be able to afford all those special effects somehow. Joshua: I’m not going anywhere near that guy with a ten foot pole man, he weirds me out. Also consider: I’d have to talk to Jacob, John and Faith as Joseph. I don’t want that kind of responsibility of herding that conversation at the family dinner. Nick: Hoo, good point. So...how is that family bullshit coming along then? Joshua: I have no idea, I’m just winging it, like you are. Nick: [who’s currently flying a plane, thus the slight pun] Heh. Good luck with that then, and let me know if you want me to paint something special on John’s precious little Affirmation next time you take it out for a spin to spite him. Joshua: I’m sure I can think of a thing or two.

Adelaide

Adelaide: Honey you need to take a breather one of these days and just take a load off, if you keep up the way you’re going you’re going to end up looking more like your dad sooner rather than later. You should swing by the Marina sometime and have a yoga session with Xander, really helps get the blood pumping and limber you up if you know what I’m saying. Joshua: [Snorts in amusement.] Is Xander trying to convince you to eat more kale chips instead of potato chips again? Adelaide: Rook sweetie, I love Xander but there are some things a woman won’t put in her mouth, and kale chips are one of them. Joshua: I’ll swing by sometime to help out with the kale chips then, and maybe get in a yoga session at the same time. It’s been a while since I chatted Xander up what with the county going pearshaped. Adelaide: I’ll never understand how you two can eat those things. Ugh. Gives me the willies. Joshua: *I* eat them dipped in homemade spicy nacho cheese sauce. I have no idea how Xander eats them straight and still claims to have working tastebuds.

Grace

[For context: This conversation is based on the AU’s detail that Grace’s father has survived the previous attempt on his life prior to the start of the Reaping.]

Joshua: Did you crack open the extra care packages we dropped off yet Grace, or did your dad get to ‘em first? Grace: You referring to the chocolate bars you stashed in there? I got my share of them out in time. Joshua: Good, I was a little worried when you told me they were missing last time. Thought they might’ve been lifted without me knowing beforehand. Grace: He’s a sly one when sweets are up for grabs. Now if you can do something about the shortage of decent coffee… Joshua: What’s that? A reason to piss John off today and raid his personal stash? Say no more!

Jess

Jess: So. Joshua: So. Jess: Just like old times but with more fucked up cultist family bullshit than before, huh. Joshua: [Sighs.] Yeah. Jess: That’s rough, buddy. Joshua: Least I can steal shit en masse from the cultists and no one else minds right now. For the life of me though I can’t figure out where all of the snacks from Lorna’s went when the Peggies hit her place. I think they ate ‘em all. Jess: [Noise of disgust.] Those two-faced fuckers going on and on about how bad commercially produced food is and how everyone should get back to basics, but there they go snatching up all the frosted cakes and maple bars like it's baby’s first shoplifting spree. Joshua: I know right? Even if they do believe the end of the world’s coming, that’s still rude to clean the store out on the first go around—leave some snacks for the next bunch of looters, god damn.

In Combat

[Note: due to Joshua’s verse details, this comes with the assumption that were one to play in a version of his universe, the Deputy would have a kill/spare mechanic and thus also an option of doing a No Kill run and variations on that spectrum, which Joshua’s mechanics would support more so. This would likely also mean some additional options for the other guns-for-hire and creative use of their canonical loadouts and abilities. Joshua’s setup would overlap with Boomer and Jess’s via the Spotter and Concealment abilities, and he’d be equipped with a bliss dart gun and a scoped hunting rifle. Also melee options and such.] Seeing/tagging an enemy: “Hey look, another whack-a-mole.” / ”Fashionably challenged mountain-man zealot sighted.” / “Enemy sighted.” Seeing/tagging multiple enemies at once: “duck, duck, cultists.”/ “The Rapture called, they don’t want these Peggies back.” / “multiple hostiles in the area.” Bliss darting/knocking out a Peggie at range: “Nap time.” / “Another one bites the dust.” / “Down they go!” / “A little dirt nap never hurt any Peggie. Won’t hurt their outfits any either, a little dirt brown looks better than all of that mayonnaise-white so many of them wear anyway.” Knocking out a Peggie with a non-lethal stealth takedown: “Lights out.” / “Rang this one’s chimes hard enough he’ll think it’s time for morning service on a sunday when he wakes up.” / “Sleep tight.” / “She’s/he’s down.” Sneaking: “Feels like a tuesday.”  / “...” / “Five bucks says I can pickpocket the guards and they’d never even know till later.” / “Moving position.” / “Good to go.” Upon witnessing the Deputy killing an enemy: “Was that really necessary?!” / “...shit.” / “Maybe we should disengage and drop back out of sight instead of this.” / “What the fuck!” Reviving an ally/The Deputy: “Don’t you go dying on me! Stay alive, you’ve got so much to live for!” / “Come on, let’s get you patched up, you’re gonna be okay!” / “No no no! Don’t you dare die! Not today!” Hurt: “MOTHERFUCKER!” / “Ow!” / “God damn it, I just patched this shirt! And myself!” / “This is NOT my fucking element, fuck!” / “Why are we even in a situation where we’d get shot at?!” Downed: “Could use a little help over here!” / “Bleeding out, help!” / “...mom?”

Driving

When asked to drive: “...you sure? I really think someone else driving would be a better idea under current circumstances, but okay. Just don’t go making a habit out of this. Please. For everyone’s sake.” / “No.” [This is followed by outright refusal to sit in the driver’s seat.] / [Optionally if Sharky and/or Hurk are around] “Ugh. Just...gotta pretend this is driving through a Clutch Nixon. With live gun fire, instead of just fire-fire.”

When the Deputy/someone else is driving recklessly: “Iwantoffthisride” / “I’m going to have to pick upholstery out from under my nails later.” / “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.” / [Recites a Hail Mary.] / “Having a good time! NOT.” / [If it’s Sharky or Hurk driving] “This is the kind of reckless driving I can get behind. Through regular past exposure therapy.” Changing radio stations: [If it’s being changed to Eden’s Gate stations] “Can we not? I’ve heard this music so many times it’s old as hell, however catchy.” / “They did do a good job on the music, I gotta say. More ominous meaning to the lyrics right now in particular though.” / [If it’s being changed to Resistance Radio stations] “Road trip time! Watch out for moose in the road.” / “Hell yeah, crank those tunes!” / “I’m glad we have regular music to listen to still, it’d be such a drag to have to go without it.”

Idle

- [General] “What’s up? Everything going alright with you?” - [General] “I heard of a good fishing spot where the rainbow trout [or other game fish depending on situation/mechanics] are really biting today if you want to take a breather and just do a bit of fishing.” [this dialogue only triggers if the Deputy hasn’t filled out the map yet for fishing spots, and adds one to the map with a notification.] - [General] “Hey, there’s a prepper stash over yonder, if you want to try your hand at getting at it. [This dialogue only triggers at random if the Deputy hasn’t polished off all the nearby Prepper stashes already. Marks a nearby prepper stash on the map and gives a notification.]

- [General] “You know what surprises me? That the Project didn’t try to shut off the power plant to at least portions of the county. Sure lots of people are preppers or woodsmen and such, but electricity makes everything easier for us. Weird, ain’t it? They have the technicians for it I’m sure. Guess we should thank our lucky stars they either didn’t think of that or decided it wasn’t worth it. We’d be straight out of ice cold beer then, Whitehorse would hate that.” - [If the Deputy is taking the no-kill route] “Hey I just want to say...I appreciate you trying not to kill people, even if some of these cultists are absolute motherfuckers who deserve it. We might be able to stop all their prophecy crap dead in its tracks if you keep this up. And...you know. Thanks for not killing my crazy relatives? I think. They’ve done a lot of bad shit and they need to answer for that, but...the right way, not backwoods murder. We’re better than that, I hope.” - [If the Deputy is taking the killing route] “I get wanting to kill the Seeds and the cult...but this isn’t going to end well, even after we’re done. I wish you wouldn’t, but I can’t stop you if this is the choice you’ve made. ...I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you. I...hope you’ll be alright, in the end. But I don’t think you will be.” [Recall that Joshua Knows What Will Happen To The Deputy if they take the canonically-based killing route. He leaves before the final confrontation, and curiously Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson don’t show up in the final scene either—ie, whichever route the Deputy chooses, they survive elsewhere (coughcough Joshua’s secret bunker cough.) The scene with Joseph still happens more or less the same, only the Deputy leaves alone if they choose Walk Away, and ends up alone with Joseph if they choose Resist. Also interestingly enough: Dutch isn’t present on the radio, nor in his bunker. His fish have been taken too. Joshua didn’t have the time to grab everyone, so he tried to grab the ones he knew for sure would die, and warned the others that he foresaw not surviving the Collapse or aftermath, like Mary May and Jess Black, or who suffered serious injuries like Grace. His buds Sharky and Hurk he bribes with beer and weed to hide out in their bunker or hang out in his while this goes down. Boomer, Cheeseburger, and Peaches are all herded to safety (yes there are mechanics for that in the standard AU verse, we shan’t delve into them here though bc spoilers tho.) The others he tries to warn, but whether he managed to get to them and some of the other latter people mentioned above in time or not is uncertain.] - [If the Deputy switched from a killing route to a no-kill route and all of the Seeds are still alive, Joshua sounds relieved] “Hey, I know it’s...it’s hard to hold off pulling the trigger when someone who’s hurt so many people is in your gunsights, but...I do think bringing them in for actual processing through the legal system—a proper trial without bullshit—is the better way. For all of us. Thank you.” - [If the Deputy switched from a no-kill route to a killing route, sounds slightly devastated] “...Why?” - [If the Deputy is doing a “neutral” run of killing significant numbers of cultists, but is sparing the Seeds as they go] “...I appreciate you not killing the murdery head-cult-family members, but…you think we could maybe lighten up on killing the rank and file? They don’t have the big names and they aren’t the leaders, but those are still people. They are responsible for their own actions, not saying they aren’t, but many of them are redeemable. Not all of them, but...maybe we can just lay them out in the infirmary for a good long while instead? Nothing permanent. The bad ones though can fall off a cliff.”

- [If the Deputy is doing a “selective killing” run of not killing rank and file cultists, but is in the process of killing all the Seed Heralds. Joshua sounds conflicted.] “I appreciate you not killing the followers, though some of them are definitely bastards who shouldn’t be allowed to walk free for the shit they’ve done, but...you think we could...maybe not kill the Seeds either? The Seeds are the primary responsible parties, not contesting that, but maybe we can just kick their asses and arrest them instead? It might help dampen the chaos somewhat, maybe we can use ‘em for leverage. We certainly could hide them somewhere secure that the Peggies wouldn’t be able to find ‘em. It’d be easier to talk Joseph down too, using his siblings as leverage.” [See above for killing route ending details.] Also? We’re driving in separate cars. Don’t turn on the radio, stay away from the others. You’re still brainwashed, and dangerous.” [Joshua is disappointed in the Deputy for not having stuck to some manner of universal moral principle.] - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, you wanna play a game of checkers, or chess? Take five for a bit, if you got the time?” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, not to be mushy or anything, but...thank you. For being you. It’s inspiring to see someone’s able to take the higher path when everything’s falling to pieces all around us. Makes me have a little bit more faith in humanity, too.” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route, and has been on said no-kill route for a decent amount of time,] “Hey, we grabbed some really good produce this time around and sent it on over to Casey. Told him I’d tell you to swing by, and asked him to save some for you in case you were interested. They’ve got some fresh beef for burgers and sandwiches, pumpkin pie, apple pie, loaded baked potatoes, and all kinds of other tasty stuff for a cookout. The Ryes are coming round to help pitch in and organize it all as a little morale boost party. Wanna come? You deserve to put up your feet and relax, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d appreciate your company if you felt like joining in. If you’d rather not, I can sneak food to you if you want quiet time to yourself. It’s all good, just tell me what you want and where you want it.”

Location Specific:

- Near where the police station was, if it’s been burned down: [Sighs.] “While I’m not missing the paperwork that got torched, there was a nice feel of history to the old place. Wish they hadn’t burned it down, fuckers. But, well...the Project and the Seeds have good reason to have no love for police and authority figures among others, even before all this horribleness and the leadup stuff came down. So I can’t say I’m surprised they did.”

- Upon entering the Spread Eagle, if friendly: “Finally, a place where everybody knows our names instead of yelling “Deputies!” at us all day! Wanna hit up the arcade? I’ll buy the first round if you get the higher score.”

- Seed Ranch, outside if it hasn’t been liberated, inside if it has been liberated: “Never going to understand why some folks want real airy houses with so much dead space as their main living quarters. Feels more like a knickknack museum you’re supposed to look at, not a home you’re supposed to live in. He’s got all this Eden’s Gate paraphernalia in those glass display cases, and I don’t doubt John’s fervent in his beliefs, but it feels more like a rich boy’s hunting and vacation lodge cobbled together with a vague idea of home. You saw the doghouse out back, right? What’s the point of having a dog live outside if you’ve got ALL this space, it’s all finished wood floors, and you’ve made sure to train ‘em and raise ‘em properly so they know not to chew on the furniture? It’s lonely, that’s what this is. Joseph chides John and all that about learning to love, but it’s a case of the blind leading the blind there.” - Outside St. Francis Veterans Center: [Before the Veterans Center is liberated, if Jacob has captured the Deputy at least once, so the song “Only You” is played around the Center, and the melody starts to be audible in the distance as the group approaches.] “Yeah hey, I’m going to go the other way now and wait for you over here where I can’t hear the song of madness, ‘kay? Maybe you should avoid it too.” [This is followed by Joshua refusing to go too close to the Center, sans possible AU story missions.] - Anywhere near Joseph’s Island: [The first time the party gets near Joseph’s Island,] “Uh. No. I’m not going near that place twice any sooner than we need to.” [Watch Joshua be willing to jump out even into deep water and swim away if the Deputy tries to approach the island with him in tow on a boat.]

OC Fighting Style

Tagged by @chyrstis​ !! Thank you for the tag!! :D <3 This was another fun one to fill out (and shorter than the above but you know what we’re stapling all of these bad boys into one post bc Why Not.) Have an aesthetic picture of a Jacob sheep skull upon a sheep skin for the fun implications of what that says about Joshua’s fighting style. xD Ram skull image after some searching was sourced from [here], with a creative commons license for free-to-reuse, with some limitations.

Rules: bold = often (or always), italics = sometimes, default = rarely, strike = never

fight honorably / fight dirty / prefer close-quarters / prefer range / chat during / go silent / low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance / attack in bursts / attack steadily / go for the kill / aim to disarm / fight defensively / bait an opponent’s first strike / strike first / provoked easily / provoke their opponent / tease / get visibly frustrated / shout while attacking / use strategy / focus on their battle / experience conflicting thoughts during battle / rush in recklessly / try to read their opponent before fighting / fight wildly / fight calmly, apathetically / fight with anger / fight with excitement / fight because they have to / fight because they want to / fight without regard to wounds / run away when wounded / hide wounds / take a blow to protect another / prefer a blade / prefer a gun (non lethal rounds/tranquilizer darts) / prefer a bow / prefer a shield /  prefer a spear naginata / prefer a personalized weapon / prefer psychic abilities / prefer brawling / their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional / transform for battle / fight as they appear / rely on strength / rely on speed / use everything they have / hide their full potential / exhaust quickly /  high stamina / doubt their strength / proceed with caution / behave arrogantly / brag after landing a hit / belittle their abilities / use psychological tactics / use brute strength / avoid civilians / strike down civilians / damage surroundings / avoid damaging surroundings / signature fighting style / making it up as they go / mastered skillset / learning their skillset / fancy footwork / sloppy footwork / messy fighter / elegant fighter / accept defeat / refuse defeat / beg for mercy / compliment their opponent / insult their opponent / use unnecessary movements / move efficiently / barely move / prefer to dodge / prefer to block / defend their blindside / has no blindside / use all available advantages / strictly use one main method / play around / hold back / fight ruthlessly / show mercy / wait for opponent to be ready / strike when opponent isn’t ready / fear death  / fear pain / fear killing / has PTSD / avoid fighting / has lost a fight / has won a fight / has killed / refuses to kill / want to die standing / would succumb slowly

WIP Day

Tagged by @chyrstis and @hawkfurze !! Thank you for the tags!! :D <3

An excerpt from the current WIP chapter for ACABH: ————————— Weak. He was so weak, barely able to move right now, and he didn’t even know why. There was pain, a lot of pain, a feeling like his bones were on fire and about to crumble under pressure at any moment—but he’d been through worse. In this instance, he could recall that he’d fallen through the sky for a brief tumultuous time before gravity had stepped in, leading to him landing hard upon the road, as if making up for the lack of physics earlier. —————————

[slasherscream]

Pull a “ok boomer” on her homophobic ass. That shit gets on my nerves. My mom is biphobic af (my sis is homophobic) & it’s why our relationship is so strained. She wonders why & I’m stuck w/knowing I can never be close to her cause of that (I haven’t told her I’m bisexual. I almost did but she just grabbed my face, saying it was the devil trying to get to me, & since then she thinks I’m “cured” but really I just decided to not tell her again in fear of being a outcast in my own home)

this got so long because i guess i’m not done venting. absolutely way too much info and word vomit under the cut. also a lot of homophobia and abuse tw. also i am emotional so i have been rendered completely illiterate 

if i got money every time i’ve had to “ok boomer” her this week alone because of her utter disrespect towards just my political opinions and the generation i belong to (which is obviously destroying traditional values/any good systems that are currently set in place and going to bring about the downfall of america through being ultra politically correct) i would be apart of the oppressive 1% adjkl?? 

i am SO sorry you had to live like that. this is honestly such a new experience for me because my biological parents were very abusive (i mean like crazy abusive) in so many ways but they were VERY accepting of my sexuality. i knew i was gay from an incredibly young age and it was always treated as something completely normal. there was no “Coming out” to my bio family it was just something everyone knew about me because i would talk very seriously about marrying girls as a little toddler even more so than i would talk about marrying/having a crush on boys and i never “grew out of that”. it was just who i was and my bio family had so many fucking terrible flaws they were bat shit insane but they never made me feel like less than human for being bisexual. 

being bisexual has been a cornerstone of my identity for my entire life. there has never been a MOMENT where i doubted who i was on that front. and i’ve had so many reasons to doubt every aspect of who i am as a person but never that!!! until i met my extended bio family and they were all super homophobic and for the first time in my life i had to be in the closet and hear people around me who i cared about just talk about wanting to beat up f***gots and it was like YIKES.

 then i stopped living and being with my bio family and moved in with my mom!!! and she has been so amazing in so many ways!!! but how callous and dismissive she is towards my opinions when i work hard to be informed and logical hurts to be honest because i pride myself on being intelligent??? like opinions are meant to be changed when you come across new information that invalidates them and i know i’m young being only twenty-one so i have a lot of growing to do but holy FUCK. she doesn’t debate things with me anymore she basically just calls me stupid whenever i open my mouth and she makes me feel so fucking SMALL. and because i respect her it hurts in a way the emotional and verbal abuse from my bio family did not because i knew They Were Bad People Who Were Going To Do Things To Hurt Me and i just accepted it if only to be apathetic enough to survive all the fucking trauma!! but whenever my mom does these hurtful fucking things it comes out of left field because she’s a good person?? she’s sweet and generous and kind and then she absolutely LEFT FIELDS me by being just MEAN. 

then to get to the homophobia that cuts into me every fucking time. i got really hurt a few months ago about ANOTHER Incident with her boyfriend when all his casual homophobia was building up on me and just making me so depressed and angry. because he was constantly in our house and NEVER stopped running his fucking mouth off about hating the homosexuals?? that i finally confronted her telling her that my identity as a bisexual woman is just as important to me as my identity as a black woman to express to her just how SERIOUS i was because i’m very pro-black and proud of who i am as a black girl!!! and i thought that would finally make her GET IT that this was an important part of who i FUCKING am ….and she proceeded to tell me that, that is pathetic and that my identity as a black woman should mean more to me than who i want to fuck. as if loving other people is not an intrinsic part of being fucking human??? as if love isn’t one of the most important and uplifting things in the world. and she told me to get a thicker skin and that maybe if i wanted to stop her homophobic boyfriend from being homophobic i should COME OUT TO HIM. because it isn’t fair to judge him?? on what he says about gay people around me since he doesnt know im gay??? like that’s such a fucking brilliant idea!!! that’s an absolutely groundbreaking idea!!! so then you guys can just go to your room and whisper about how much you hate homosexuals together

or i’ll awwww at sweet wlw things in movies or songs and things and she just ….won’t even say something sometimes but she rolls her eyes or LOOKS so disgusted and condescending and it hurts sooooo much that it feels like a fucking knife to the chest. when i talk about girls in front of her she looks like she wants to throw up. part of me wants to do it more just to desensitize her so she can fucking get over herself so i wont eventually lose my fucking mother if i ever wind up with a woman/non cis-male partner but she just looks so grossed out at even the CONCEPT of seeing women kiss. let alone when she actually catches glimpses of it in movies!!! i can’t describe the look of profound disgust. it’s like i can see her rediscover being homophobic each time she even BRIEFLY sees women having a romantic relationship on screen with one another.

 she’s the only real mother i’ve ever had and i just want to die!!! one day i could very well not be able to maintain a relationship with her not even because im choosing a partner over her but because i know that me choosing a partner might genuinely make her love me less if not be DISGUSTED by me outright and i just can’t do that to myself but the thought of that makes me want to die!!! i love my mother but she literally hates a part of me and lately it’s like she hates me more and more with each passing fucking day and i dont know how to cope with it i am literally completely alone in the world aside from her!!!   

[soulvomit]

One thing that burns me about our "kidulthood" culture is that yes, in the 90s, lots of newly adult white middle class men found it liberating to not have to conform to a standard of what Boomer-and-before society thinks is an adult middle class white man.

But this isn't liberating for lots of other people.

First, there is the whole conversation around how some groups of people never get to be seen as adults, and how race can complicate your ability to adopt chosen stances re: adulthood (because you're either infantilized or prematurely adultified by others).

As a woman, to me, kidulthood feels like I've suddenly had my newly and hard-won adult agency stripped away. Maybe kidulthood is liberating if your idea of adult means a socially obligatory expectation of bourgeois white manhood (including being financially responsible for other people at the expense of your own selfhood).

It feels like everyone wants to continue middle school social dynamics well into middle age (yes, Gen Xrs are experiencing this fallout; if we work with or around Millennials and younger, we're held to the same standards and face the same fears of cancellation. In fact, cancellation is a power that younger people now have over older people.)

It also feels like, as a woman, like my consumption habits are increasingly seen as problematic if they aren't a child's consumption habits. I feel like I get a degree of horizontal pressure from other adult women *in my own friend groups* about consuming intellectually challenging or even morally ambiguous material that I never got before. If you like something another individual finds too challenging it means you're potentially a threatening individual and that you're oppressing them (this is fucked up, this is pure narcissism, this is fucking CHAOS. The world can't run based on the most squicked person policing everyone else. It's tyranny.)

Kidulthood for (white, middle class) men means the right to collect Transformers and watch cartoons at 38 while still having a fair amount of privilege in the real world.

As a woman, it means policing of my interior life and consumption habits so that *all that I'm allowed to consume or create* is ultimately rated G material.