#book : ghost map

[wizardlyghost]

[lookslikethatsallthetimewehave]

In your opinion, what's the darkest thing in Poptropica?

Oh... wow. You know, some people might be surprised at some of the dark stuff that's happened/implied throughout the franchise. And from such an innocent looking world too :)

I guess I'll make a list of some stuff that stands out to me:

24 Carrot Island 

The 4 children were kidnapped and brainwashed by Dr. Hare probably for months.

Astro-Knights Island 

Mordred almost died in a crash, and had to replace half of his body with robotics. 

Mordred kidnapped the princess because he wanted to marry her. And her parents most likely thought they were never going to see her again, since they had no way of going after her.

Counterfeit Island 

It's implied that Black Widow was gonna torture the player in order to get answers. 

Reality TV Island/Wild Safari Island 

Villains allowed to be on reality tv… and being treated as celebrities... WHAT.

Skullduggery Island 

Captain Crawfish probably killed a lot of people. Cause… pirate.

Steamworks Island 

The entire backstory of this island: the people were doing experiments on plants, when the plants mutated and tried to kill them. The only way they could survive is by freezing themselves.

Captain Ziggs sacrificed himself to hold off the Plant Monsters. Mayor Crumb must be feeling pretty depressed now that she's free and forced to live without him.

Red Dragon Island  

The Shogun being a pretty terrifying tyrant. 

Shrink Ray Island  

POV: you're an elementary school student and your teacher's star pupil. You trust him, because he's a nice teacher. And then he goes crazy and kidnaps you.

Mr. Silva threatens to shrink CJ and the player to the point where they can't be seen by anyone, which is kinda dark honestly. 

Blimp Adventure 

Dr. Cumulo Nimbus sets fire to the rain to all the islands. 

Game Show Island  

Robots take over and enslave humanity. 

Ghost Story Island  

A really depressing murder mystery/ weird love triangle story that involves several character's deaths.

S.O.S Island  

The ship sinks and everyone inside almost dies. Also a child.

Vampire's Curse Island  

Count Bram outlives his wife, and goes crazy. And he kidnaps a child due to insanity. 

Cactus von Garlic has killed many vampires. But not all vampires in Poptropica are evil (if Haunted House is any indication). 

Twisted Thicket Island  

The forest creatures turning into stone. I'm not 100% sure if they're still alive in there or not...

Poptropolis Games Island

The island sinks back into the ocean, with people still on it. Some of the ancient islanders are waterlogged (but still alive, for some reason).

Lunar Colony Island (Book)

The PASE workers are oddly sociopathic to Glen John's situation, only caring about Glen helping them. Glen is 13 btw.

Super Villain Island  

Zeus almost winning. He blew up the world for no reason. Also, there's something really scary about the way he blew up his own island.

Zomberry Island  

Zombie apocalypse. 

Virus Hunter Island  

A pandemic almost happened. 

Monster Carnival Island 

Ringmaster Raven's backstory: Pretty messed up. 

Edgar is an orphan who ran away and joined the carnival. He put a lot of trust in the Ringmaster and seemed pretty happy… and then the Ringmaster hypnotizes him and uses him for his scheme. Pretty messed up. 

Survival Island 

Myron Van Buren. Enough said.

Mission Atlantis Island 

The alien was trapped underwater for years and died.

PoptropiCon Island  

Omegon taking over the convention center, and turning the people into Hench-Bots.

Arabian Nights Island 

Scheherazade attempted to steal the player's soul… what the heck.

Graphic Novels

The kids almost died… several times. (A Saber tooth tiger and polar bear almost maul them, they almost fall to their deaths, they almost freeze to death, they are almost stabbed to death by Lieutenant Rogers, they almost got erased from history on the Ancient Egypt Island, they almost burned alive in a volcano eruption, etc)

The ancient Egyptians are erased from one timeline, and a bunch of people on earth died... and it's unknown if they were brought back, or what.

When Spencer Albright is murdered, Jonas is so overcome with grief that he completely loses it and becomes murderous like Octavian. Jonas is 18-20 btw.

The backstories for the main characters (Octavian is forced to let Paulla die, Mya's mom abruptly dies and she goes through depression, Oliver’s dad walks out on the family).

Octavian's fate at the end is this: he accidentally jumped through the portal before the universe he wanted to go to fully formed. Because of this, he jumped into the in-between point of universes, and was split into an infinite amount of versions of himself. Sounds complicated, but is incredibly messed up.

Mya was seriously considering leaving her own timeline, even though she would be leaving her family and friends behind. Whether or not she knew this is unknown, but if she did... kinda messed up.

And… that's it. No more dark things that stick out to me after that. Probably because after this, they fired the writer who was responsible for most of the dark undertones in the franchise. OOPS!!! >:(

I think the darkest stuff comes from Monster Carnival, Survival, and the graphic novels.

[cherryvanillacokee]

i love when people draw clearsight and moon with the little star shaped pupils, it looks cool as shit, you look at them and your like “OH HELL YEAH!!! ITS THE PROPHETS!!!! FUCK YEAH!!” 

[quotesfrommyreading]

It is August 1854, and London is a city of scavengers. Just the names alone read now like some kind of exotic zoological catalogue: bone-pickers, rag-gatherers, pure-finders, dredgermen, mud-larks, sewer-hunters, dustmen, night-soil men, bunters, toshers, shoremen. These were the London underclasses, at least a hundred thousand strong. So immense were their numbers that had the scavengers broken off and formed their own city, it would have been the fifth-largest in all of England. But the diversity and precision of their routines were more remarkable than their sheer number. Early risers strolling along the Thames would see the toshers wading through the muck of low tide, dressed almost comically in flowing velveteen coats, their oversized pockets filled with stray bits of copper recovered from the water's edge. The toshers walked with a lantern strapped to their chest to help them see in the predawn gloom, and carried an eight-foot-long pole that they used to test the ground in front of them, and to pull themselves out when they stumbled into a quagmire. The pole and the eerie glow of the lantern through the robes gave them the look of ragged wizards, scouring the foul river's edge for magic coins. Beside them fluttered the mud-larks, often children, dressed in tatters and content to scavenge all the waste that the toshers rejected as below their standards: lumps of coal, old wood, scraps of rope.

Above the river, in the streets of the city, the pure-finders eked out a living by collecting dog shit (colloquially called “pure”) while the bone-pickers foraged for carcasses of any stripe. Below ground, in the cramped but growing network of tunnels beneath London's streets, the sewer-hunters slogged through the flowing waste of the metropolis. Every few months, an unusually dense pocket of methane gas would be ignited by one of their kerosene lamps and the hapless soul would be incinerated twenty feet below ground, in a river of raw sewage.

The scavengers, in other words, lived in a world of excrement and death. Dickens began his last great novel, Our Mutual Friend, with a father-daughter team of toshers stumbling across a corpse floating in the Thames, whose coins they solemnly pocket. “What world does a dead man belong to?” the father asks rhetorically, when chided by a fellow tosher for stealing from a corpse. “'Tother world. What world does money belong to? This world.” Dickens' unspoken point is that the two worlds, the dead and the living, have begun to coexist in these marginal spaces. The bustling commerce of the great city has conjured up its opposite, a ghost class that somehow mimics the status markers and value calculations of the material world.  Consider the haunting precision of the bone-pickers' daily routine, as captured in Henry Mayhew's pioneering 1844 work, London Labour and the London Poor:

It usually takes the bone-picker from seven to nine hours to go over his rounds, during which time he travels from 20 to 30 miles with a quarter to a half hundredweight on his back. In the summer he usually reaches home about eleven of the day, and in the winter about one or two. On his return home he proceeds to sort the contents of his bag. He separates the rags from the bones, and these again from the old metal (if he be luckly enough to have found any). He divides the rags into various lots, according as they are white or coloured; and if he have picked up any pieces of canvas or sacking, he makes these also into a separate parcel. When he has finished the sorting he takes his several lots to the ragshop or the marine-store dealers, and realizes upon them whatever they may be worth. For the white rags he gets from 2d. to 3d. per pound, according as they are clean or soiled. The white rags are very difficult to be found; they are mostly very dirty, and are therefore sold with the coloured ones at the rate of about 5 lbs. for 2d.

The homeless continue to haunt today's postindustrial cities, but they rarely display the professional clarity of the bone-picker's impromptu trade, for two primary reasons. First, minimum wages and government assistance are now substantial enough that it no longer makes economic sense to eke out a living as a scavenger. (Where wages remain depressed, scavenging remains a vital occupation; witness the perpendadores of Mexico City). The bone collector's trade has also declined because most modern cities possess elaborate systems for managing the waste generated by their inhabitants. (In fact, the closest American equivalent to the Victorian scavengers – the aluminium-can collectors you sometimes see hovering outside supermarkets – rely on precisely those waste-management systems for their paycheck.) But London in 1854 was a Victorian metropolis trying to make do with an Elizabethan public infrastructure. The city was vast even by today's standards, with two and a half million people crammed inside a thirty-mile circumference. But most of the techniques for managing that kind of population density that we now take for granted – recycling centers, public-health departments, safe sewage removal – hadn't been invented yet.

And so the city itself improvised a response – an unplanned, organic response, to be sure, but at the same time a response that was precisely contoured to the community's waste-removal needs. As the garbage and excrement grew, an underground market for refuse developed, with hooks into established trades. Specialists emerged, each dutifully carting goods to the appropriate site in the official market: the bone collectors selling their goods to the bone-boilers, the pure-finders selling their dog shit to tanners, who used the “pure” to rid their leather goods of the lime they had soaked in for weeks to remove animal hair. (A process widely considered to be, as one tanner put it, “the most disagreeable in the whole range of manufacture.”)

We're naturally inclined to consider these scavengers tragic figures, and to fulminate against a system that allowed so many thousands to eke out a living by foraging through human waste. In many ways, this is the correct response. (It was, to be sure, the response of the great crusaders of the age, among them Dickens and Mayhew.) But such social outrage should be accompanied by a measure of wonder and respect: without any central planner coordinating their actions, without any education at all, this itinerant underclass managed to conjure up an entire system for processing and sorting the waste generated by two million people. The great contribution usually ascribed to Mayhew's London Labour is simply his willingness to see and record the details of these impoverished lives. But just as valuable was the insight that came out of that bookkeeping, once he had run the numbers: far from being unproductive vagabonds, Mayhew discovered, these people were actually performing an essential function for their community. “The removal of the refuse of a large town,” he wrote, “is, perhaps, one of the most important of social operations.” And the scavengers of Victorian London weren't just getting rid of that refuse – they were recycling it.

  —  The Ghost Map: The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic - and How it Changed Science, Cities and the Modern World (Steven Johnson)

[memoriae-lectoris]

The first significant effect of serious dehydration is a reduction in the volume of blood circulating through the body, the blood growing increasingly concentrated as it is deprived of water.

The lowered volume causes the heart to pump faster to maintain blood pressure and keep vital organs—the brain and the kidneys—functional. In this internal triage, nonvital organs such as the gallbladder and spleen begin to shut down. Blood vessels in the extremities constrict, creating a persistent tingling sensation.

Because the brain continues to receive a sufficient supply of blood in this early stage, the cholera victim retains a sharp awareness of the attack that V. cholerae has launched against his body. Eventually, the heart fails in its ability to maintain adequate blood pressure, and hypotension sets in. The heart pumps at a frenetic rate, while the kidneys struggle to conserve as much fluid as possible. The mind grows hazy; some sufferers become lightheaded or even pass out. The terrible evacuations of rice-water stools continue.

By now, the cholera victim may have lost more than ten percent of his body weight in a matter of twenty-four hours. As the kidneys finally start to fail, the bloodstream re-creates on a much smaller scale the crisis of waste management that helped cholera thrive in so many large cities: waste products accumulate in the blood, fostering a condition called uremia. The victim slips into unconsciousness, or even a coma; the vital organs start to shut down.

Within a matter of hours, the victim is dead. But all around him, in his soaked sheets, in the buckets of rice water at his bedside, in the cesspools and sewers, are new forms of life—trillions of them, waiting patiently for another host to infect.

[mmikmmik]

After everything we’ve learned about COVID and the importance of indoor air quality, I think a lot of historical figures who believed in miasma theory have been judged too harshly. It’s frustrating to look back on all the missed opportunities to save people with wastewater treatment and proper sanitation, but it seems clear to me now that many doctors and researchers quite probably were seeing stunning improvements from improving ventilation and getting people away from the smells of disease, i.e., away from all the coughing sick people

[artficlly]

lady of the ghosts [map]

chapter masterlist | main masterlist

THE NORTHERN CONTINENT here is a small map i've drawn up for reference for the lady of the ghosts series. i'll update this if i add any locations.

[mcyt-builds-contest]

Pandora"s Vault:

Contained : Dream, Tommyinnit, Ranboo, Technoblade, Connoreatpants

Series : DSMP

Propaganda : its so big. Its so so big. Look at a map of the dsmp. Its just a black void bigger than l'manburg was. You look at it and you just know it's something terrible. the obsidian walls, lava, the iron. It's just there. In the middle of the ocean. It does not fit in and its scary. the AMOUNT of redstone and functions it go is AMAZING. the only way to enter is through a portal that then leads u to the nether and has to be manually activated again by the warden. So to enter you literally NEED the wardens permission. All the bridges and all the door. It's so fucking cool man what can I say. The amount of security. the lore that happened inside pandora as well. Pandoras arc was the best arc of the whole of dream smp and I stand by that. There is so so much to unpack. Sam and Dream could have just built some shitty obsidian box and called it a prison, but no they made PANDORAS VAULT

The Ghost's Vault:

Contained : VikingPilot's Prized possesions

Series : Dominion SMP

Propaganda : Perhaps the only self-titled Vault to actually be one, the Ghost's Vault, built by VikingPilot, is two things -- a consolidation of wealth, and a display of power. Built at a time on Dominion where every single diamond had to be handed over to the Queen every two weeks, the Vault is made in total opposition to that policy as an extremely intimidating secret stash. All 10 sets of Netherite armor are enchanted and labeled. It's built with soulfire lanterns under the center carpet runner for the sole purpose of unnerving the local piglin. He's taken people here twice onscreen, and both times it was to cash in a no-conditions-set IOU with that other person in order to make sure things work out exactly the way they need to. It also contains two very important books! Viking's "To Do" list is very simple -- Run Dominion. However, the other one -- the Book -- is quite possibly the single most dangerous thing in Viking's possession. He's not sure what's in it, other than that it contains rituals of unimaginable power and that if he opens it again, he will crack in half. Oh, and the Ghost's Vault is also the location for the world's most unhinged 12-minute 100% improv monologue to ever exist.

[midnights-wish]

A paragraph I enjoyed quite a lot; Steven Johnson, author of 'The Ghost Map: The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic', on how he imagines John Snow's self-experiments revolving around anesthetic chloroform.

[intersex-support]

Intersex Resources: Books, Art, Videos

Here's a list with some resources to learn about intersex community, history, and politics! These include some academic sources and some community sources. I'd love to add sources in other languages and that focus on countries besides the United States, so if anyone has recommendations, please let me know. Continually updating and adding sources.

Reading list:

Intersex History:

"The Intersex Movement of the 1990s: Speaking Out Against Medical and Narrative Violence" by Viola Amato.

Hermaphrodites with Attitude Newsletters.

Jazz Legend Little Jimmy Scott is a Cornerstone of Black Intersex History By Sean Saifa Wall

"Hermaphrodites with Attitude: Mapping the Emergence of Intersex Political Activism" by Cheryl Chase

Chrysalis Quarterly: Intersex Awakening, 1997.

"What Happened at Hopkins: The Creation of the Intersex Management Protocols" by Alison Redick.

Bodies in Doubt: An American History of Intersex by Elizabeth Reis.

Intersex Politics

“A Framework for Intersex Justice.” Intersex Justice Project

"Creating Intersex Justice: Interview with Sean Saifa Wall and Pidgeon Pagonis of the Intersex Justice Project." by David Rubin, Michelle Wolff, and Amanda Lock Swarr.

"Intersex Justice and the Care We Deserve: ‘I Want People to Feel at Home in Their Bodies Again." Zena Sharman.

Critical Intersex edited by Morgan Holmes.

Envisioning African Intersex: Challenging Colonial and Racist Legacies in South African Medicine by Amanda Lock Swarr.

"Intersex Human Rights" by Bauer et al.

Morgan Carpenter's writing

"I Want to Be Like Nature Made Me: Medically Unnecessary Surgeries on Intersex Children in the US." by Human Rights Watch.

Cripping Intersex by Celeste E. Orr.

"From ‘Intersex’ to ‘DSD’: A Case of Epistemic Injustice" by Ten Merrick.

"Did Bioethics Matter? A History of Autonomy, Consent, and Intersex Genital Surgery." by Elizabeth Reis.

Intersex Community

"Normalizing Intersex: Personal Stories from the Pages of Narrative Inquiry in Bioethics." edited by James DuBois and Ana Iltis.

Hans Lindhal's blog.

InterACT Youth Blog.

Intersex Justice Project Blog.

"What it's like to be a Black Intersex Woman" by Tatenda Ngwaru.

Intersex Inclusive Pride Flag by Valentino Vecchietti.

The Interface Project founded by Jim Ambrose.

Intersex Zines from Emi Koyama

Teen Vogue's Intersex Coverage

YOUth& I: An intersex youth Anthology by Intersex Human Rights Australia

Intersex OwnVoices books collected by Bogi Takacs.

Memoirs:

Nobody Needs to Know by Pidgeon Pagonis.

Inverse Cowgirl by Alicia Roth Weigel

XOXY by Kimberly Zieselman

Fiction:

Icarus by K Ancrum.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Video/Audio

Every Body dir. Julie Cohen.

Hermaphrodites Speak! 1997.

Liberating All Bodies: Disability Justice and Intersex Justice in Conversation.

"36 Revolutions of Change: Sean Saifa Wall."

Inter_View: An Intersex Podcast by Dani Coyle

Hans Lindhal's Youtube channel.

What it's Like to be Intersex from Buzzfeed.

Emilord Youtube channel

I'm intersex-ask me anything from Jubilee

What it's like to be Intersex-Minutes With Roshaante Andersen.

Pass the Mic: Intercepting Injustice with Sean Saifa Wall

Art

"Hey AAP! Get your Scalpels Off Our Bodies!" 1996.

Ana Roxanne's album Because of a Flower.

Intersex 1 in 90 potraits by Lara Aerts and Ernst Coppejans

Anyone can be Born Intersex: A Photo-Portrait Story by Intersex Nigeria.

Pidgeon Pagonis "Too cute to be binary" Collection

Juliana Huxtable Visual Art

Koomah's art

Please feel free to add on your favorite sources for intersex art, history, politics, and community !

[zylev-blog]

Tucker dug himself in quite a deep hole.

At first, it started because he was bored. He also wanted to test his skills in tech, since he was trained by Technus to use technology in a way nobody living could even do. He first did some simple probing, learning about the system that Batman used and learned how to keep his tracks hidden. He honestly thought breaking into the White House or NASA would be harder than breaking into Batman’s files, but it wasn’t. Everything was absurdly easy to get to. He could see the workarounds in the code just as easily as he could breathe.

Once he learned how to erase his tracks completely, he started with basic knowledge from Batman’s system. Over the course of a month, he read all the police reports, hero and villain reports, and the contingency plans that Batman had. Boy was Batman a paranoid man.

Then he delved deeper. He learned everything there was to know from over a decade of vigilante work. Then he used the Batcomputer (he had found out that it was actually called that from Nightwing himself. He had camera access, of course he was going to spy on the bats.) to hack into the Justice League system. He had to stop the manic chuckle that threatened to spill past his lips. He was just like the ghosts in a way that he loved to indulge his obsessions. And stalking vigilantes had become one of his.

Danny and Sam knew about what he was doing and never tried to stop him. The reason was simple: Tucker had warded against Amity Park so thickly, that not even magic users knew of the town’s existence. It wouldn’t show up on a map, or in books, or in history. Tucker might have used Clockwork for the last part, but the time ghost allowed him to hide Amity Park from the world. So there must have been a reason the ghost had allowed it.

After Tucker gained access to the Justice League files, he had become worried. There was a lot that they didn’t tell the public. The more he read, the more resentful he got. Failed alien invasions, kidnapping, mind control, cloning… the list went on and on.

If he didn’t know that the Justice League were the good guys… he might think they were the villains.

But they were the good guys, right?

He wasn’t so sure anymore.

It had been almost four months since he had first hacked Batman’s computer. From what he could tell after hacking Bruce Wayne’s cell phone, nobody knew that he was inside their systems. Nobody was that good of an actor. He would watch the Justice League briefings, watch their day to day, learn all the gossip, and then he would check Batman’s computer. It was a ritual he had started. A way to keep Amity Park safe should the Justice League turn against them or the world. He made his own contingency plans based off of Batman’s plans. The exception being that as a last resort, his plans would be fatal to anyone who struck against him. He just hoped that the day would never come.

Everything changed when Pariah Dark stole Amity Park. It had taken the Justice League almost two days to realize that there was a gigantic crater in Illinois. Nobody knew what had happened. When the city reappeared, the borders that had once protected it were also stripped away. The systems had been damaged in the fight, and in the teleportation process. There were so many that had died in the battle, so many more that were now homeless, or orphans. The city mourned for the dead—and the dead mourned their sacrifice. The evil King had been dethroned, but would Amity Park be the same? The world now knew it existed, and there was no ghost portal for him to run to Clockwork from. They were on their own.

As Tucker watched the Justice League try to help the citizens, he felt anger in the pit of his stomach. These people, these ‘heroes’, what would they learn about his people? Were they going to hurt them like they’ve hurt their own?

No. He was not going to let them hurt anyone from Amity Park.

He solicited all of the teenagers of Amity Park to help him rebuild the borders. Kick out the Justice League. His plan was met with some resistance, but they trusted Tucker. Within 24 hours, they had gotten the borders back online. The Justice League were then forced out of the town, and the town disappeared from existence once more.

Now if only he could get rid of the Justice League that tried to linger. Batman himself was proving difficult to get rid of. Especially since all of his bats kept trying to come out to play. Well Tucker had an ace up his sleeve too, and two could play that game.

[lookslikethatsallthetimewehave]

Hmm...

That could actually be his sister or daughter tho

[evilminji]

I wonder if Care Taking Reflexes are effected by Core and Obsession.

Like? Obviously? Frostbite keeps HIS patients Warm and gives them medical aid. Because he a Doctor(obsession) and an Ice Core? And when you have an ice core, anyone you meet who need Help is either Like Me-> Freeze Um, or NOT Like Me-> Warm Um Up(because of the snow, Obviously. Why would there not be snow, here, in the Sahara desert? There is ALWAYS snow! WE ARE COLD SO THERE IS SNO-).

Like? Some people will shove you in a stack of books in a dark nook, others bundle you up and force feed you, some try to help you sweat the sickness away. You gotta be careful. Because the reflex is there.

It's probably why Ghost Doctors can absolutely BODY your average ghost. They have to keep prying patients out of their well meaning, but actively in the way, friends/family/neighbors etc.

You can't fight somebody who's SICK! Let them HELP you! THEN we can get back to good, wholesome, old fashioned, family friendly Violence. Like the Zone intended. Now, they got some leeches to balance your humors... *tackled by a yeti*

Why do I bring this up?

Bet Jason's REAL sick. >:Dc

Bet Danny is flying along. Checking his map. Lost AF over what appears to be God's personal punching ground. Trying to find a COMPLETELY different city, to visit Tucker, when? Is... is that a Sick Child(tm)?! Why is he ON THE ROOF!?

WHY ARE PEOPLE SHOOTING AT HIM ON THE ROOF?!!?

Danny just absolutely REINVENTS the term "Death From Above". Jason is impressed. Or, at least, he would be. If a floating twink half his size didn't then IMMEDIATELY proceed to do a brooding chicken impression at him.

Sorry, let him rephrase that for the Bat's at home. Not AT him. ON him. He has a floating twink straight jacket that doubles as a hat. He can't move his arms. Kid has super strength.

Help. Now. Or his vengeance will be both petty and terrible.

So begins the saga of Broody Danny and his quest to sit on the baby. Surround him by space stuff. Should he ACTUALLY be taking him to a doctor? Yes. But give Danny a break! He's basicly a Ghost 5 year old. He's terrible at resisting his impulses!

@hdgnj @hypewinter @ailithnight @mutable-manifestation

[quotesfrommyreading]

But the single most important factor driving London's waste-removal crisis was a matter of simple demography: the number of people generating waste had almost tripled in the space of fifty years. In the 1851 census, London had a population of 2.4 million people, making it the most populous city on the planet, up from around a million at the turn of the century. Even with a modern civic infrastructure, that kind of explosive growth is difficult to manage. But without infrastructure, two million people suddenly forced to share ninety square miles of space wasn't just a disaster waiting to happen – it was a kind of permanent, rolling disaster, a vast organism destroying itself by laying waste to its habitat. Five hundred years after the fact, London was slowly re-creating the horrific demise of Richard the Raker: it was drowning in its own filth.

—  The Ghost Map: The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic - and How it Changed Science, Cities and the Modern World (Steven Johnson)

[memoriae-lectoris]

We feel fear more strongly because our safety expectations have risen so dramatically over the past hundred years. Even with its higher crime rate, New York City in its debauched nadir of the 1970s was a vastly safer place to live than Victorian London.

During the epidemics of the late 1840s and the 1850s, a thousand Londoners would typically die of cholera in a matter of weeks—in a city a quarter the size of present-day New York—and the deaths would barely warrant a headline. And so, as shocking as those numbers seem to us now, they may not have provoked the same mortal panic that they trigger today.

The literature—both public and private—of the nineteenth century is filled with many dark emotions: misery, humiliation, drudgery, rage. But terror does not quite play the role that one might expect, given the body count.

[sadnymi]

「 ✦ Not One of your girls.✦ 」

[part1][Theodore Nott × reader] [p2]

Summary: Theodore Nott was the love of my life, the one I'd trade my whole world for. But this summer, I yearned for a different role in his life, even if it meant becoming just one of his girls

Warning:fluff, angst, smut, strong language.

Words:6.5k

Tears? I don't think I had any left. It felt like I'd spent the past month in a self-imposed exile, navigating the city with a map etched into my memory solely to avoid him. Ignoring calls, dodging mutual friends. I'd become a ghost in my own life, flitting from corner to corner, hoping i won’t see him, anything to escape the phantom touch, the memory of his smirk.

Lana's call shattered the fragile peace I'd constructed. Her voice, usually bubbly with gossip, held a worried tremor. "Something's definitely wrong, (Y/N)," Lana had pressed over the phone, her voice laced with concern. "You sound… empty.”

I'd lied, of course. "Just the summer blues, Lani. Missing you like crazy."

"Uh-huh," she said, skepticism thick in her voice. "Well, guess what? I'm finally coming home! You gotta come get me from the airport, promise?"

"Of course," I said easily, even when the thought of the airport twisting the knife in my gut.

“Theo's picking me up, you wanna come with him ?"

"Actually," I hesitated, hating the way my voice betrayed me, "I was kind of thinking maybe I could… tag along with Chris?"

There was a beat of surprised silence, then a slow, knowing chuckle from Lana. "Whoa, okay, didn't see that coming. You sure you don't want me to ask Theo?"

The name sent a fresh spike of pain through me. "Theo? Absolutely not. Have you seen the way he drives?…" I trailed off, unable to voice the truth – anything but Theo.

A pang shot through me as I descended the stairs, catching sight of Mom lost in thought, staring at the picture of Theo, Mattheo, and my brother as kids. They were all smiles, dirt smudged on their faces, a testament to countless childhood adventures. A ghost of a smile touched my lips. "I miss him too," I whispered, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

Mom jumped slightly, startled from her reverie. Her eyes softened the moment they landed on me. "(Y/N)! Honey, I was just about to check on you. Your father and I were getting worried sick." She took my hand, her concern evident in the gentle squeeze.

"Just… thinking," I hedged, forcing a smile onto my face. The last thing I needed was to worry them. "Everything's fine."

Mom eyed me skeptically. "Are you sure? You haven't been yourself lately."

"Just hitting adulthood, finally," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Mom chuckled, swatting my chest playfully.

"Dinner at the Nott family tonight, don't forget," she announced, and my smile faltered.

"Oh, no, Mom, I… I actually promised my book club I'd be there tonight," I stammered, desperately searching for an excuse. "And you know Lana's still at camp, I think you guys should go without me."

My mom's brow furrowed in confusion. "Book club? Since when? And Lana? Honey, is everything alright?"

The playful glint in her eyes betrayed her. "My little (Y/N) is finally done with her crush on the Nott boy?" she teased, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

My cheeks burned. Forced cheer felt hollow on my tongue. "Mom, stop it! I was a child."

Memories flooded back – seven-year-old me, a torrent of tears streaming down my face, demanding to know why I couldn't marry Theo. "Why can't you just ask Dad to talk to Mr. Nott and arrange something? We'll be perfect together!" I'd sobbed, clinging to her leg. Mom had knelt then, wiping away my tears, and promised she'd think about it when I grew up.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Alright, sweetie. I'll get your back tonight. Have fun at your book club."

The irony wasn't lost on me. Here I was, meticulously applying a full face of makeup and curling my hair into perfect waves for a nonexistent book club. My reflection in the mirror mocked me – glitter practically danced across my eyelids in the afternoon light, Crisscross Backless Ruched Glitter

Bodycon Dress a stark contrast to the sweatpants I'd worn all day.

But hey, desperate times called for desperate measures. My parents wouldn't question a night out if I looked the part, makeup a dead giveaway. It was a flimsy cover, but hopefully good enough.

Reaching for my lipstick holder, the answer was clear as day. Red. Classic, bold, unapologetic red. It was the perfect armor for the night – a stark reminder to myself that beneath the hurt, beneath the carefully constructed lie, I was still (Y/N). The same girl who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. Maybe Theo didn't see me that way anymore, but that didn't mean I had to lose myself entirely.

Tonight, I was reclaiming my power, one red lip at a time.

Three clicks of the shutter button later, and I deemed myself a goddess incarnate. The glitter shimmered under the lamplight, the perfect complement to the bold red lip. Caption time. A mischievous grin tugged at my lips.

> Now he's thinkin' bout me every night, oh Is it that sweet? I guess so

"Well, hello again, Instagram," I muttered, hitting post with a flourish. It took less than a minute for the validation to flood in.

> @BlaiseZabini: it's me I'm him.

> @LanaNott: girllll save me please save me.

> @MattheoRiddle: who !? C d ?

@EnzoBerkshire: is he why you dumped all of us for (planning a murder).

@christiannott: pretty.

The school crowd joined in the comments their comments a mix of compliments and playful questions. I couldn't help but grin at Blaise, Mattheo, and Enzo's antics.

Just as I settled on popcorn and a night of "The Devil Wears Prada" indulgence, my phone buzzed with a notification I wasn't expecting – a DM. My heart hammered against my ribs. It was from him.

> Theo (hopefully future husband): what kind of bookclub are you at?

I cringed at the outdated nickname in my phone (quickly changing it to "Theodore Nott").

Ignoring the actual question (because seriously?), I left him in read and hit play on the movie. Let him stew in his curiosity for a while.

But just as Meryl Streep was delivering a particularly scathing line, my phone buzzed again. A new message from Theodore Nott.

> theo: answer Y/N

The audacity of this man! I rolled my eyes, grabbed a handful of popcorn, and with a triumphant smirk, sent a single reply: A middle finger emoji .

A blaring ringtone ripped me from a dream .Groaning, I fumbled for my phone, squinting at the caller ID. Lana.

"Hello?" I mumbled, my voice thick with sleep.

"Girl, what the heck? I knew there was something you were hiding! You gonna tell me everything when I arrive?"

I flopped back against the pillows, belatedly registering the popcorn scattered on the duvet and the movie paused mid-scene. My mom must have tucked me in after I dozed off.

"Sure," I mumbled, still foggy and not entirely sure what there was to tell Lana anyway.

"I told Chris he'd wait for you at eight," she chirped.

Eight? Panic jolted me awake. I fumbled for the clock – it was already six.

"Why'd you wake me up now then?" I whined, sleep clinging to me desperately.

"First, how could you sleep when your best friend is finally coming home? Two, because you're taking forever to get ready!"

I rolled my eyes, fighting the urge to sink back into the blissful oblivion of sleep. "Fine, fine," I conceded.

A quick shower later, I threw on a pair of comfy shorts and a t-shirt. Kissing my dad, who'd made a valiant effort to whip up breakfast ("Scrambled eggs are your favorite, right?").

My phone buzzed. Theodore Nott. My heart hammered against my ribs in a frantic rhythm. I looked from the window – his car, sleek and black, was parked at the curb. No sign of Christian's Porsche.

"What the…" I breathed, a mix of anger and confusion swirling in my gut.

"I need to go, Papa," I mumbled, throwing him a quick kiss.

Reaching his car, I yanked open the door. "What are you doing here?" I spat, my voice laced with ice.

Theo didn't even glance at me. "Get in or go inside. I don't have time for this."

"Where's Chris?" I demanded, my jaw clenching.

He finally met my gaze, a flicker of annoyance crossing his features. "Business trip came up. Now get in."

There was no reasoning with him. With a silent snarl of frustration, I climbed into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut with enough force to make the fancy car wince. Not sure if Theo possessed human emotions, but I was pretty sure the love he had for his car was unquestionable.

"Great," he sighed, muttering a curse under his breath. It sounded suspiciously like "Accidenti!" – a mild Italian curse .

The rest of the ride was a tense standoff. I turned on the radio, defiant and childish, only for him to shut it off with a curt gesture. I shot him a fiery glare, then turned it back on, louder this time. The audacity of this man!

He cursed again, a string of angry Italian this time, but I drowned him out with the music, burying myself in my phone to avoid further interaction. The drive, thankfully, wasn't long and soon the familiar sight of the airport terminal loomed ahead.

Theo pulled into the airport garage, his face a mask of irritation. I flung open the door, slamming it shut for good measure. His glare was met with an equally icy stare from me. A quick glance at my watch told me it was 9:55 – hopefully Lana wouldn't make me wait too long. Anything was preferable to another minute in Theo's company.

Relief washed over me when I spotted her, a blur of pink and blonde hair bouncing through the arrivals gate. Her shriek echoed through the terminal as she launched herself at Theo, who caught her in a hug. They looked…comfortable. Happy.

"Look what I got you!" Lana exclaimed, pulling back and revealing a silver bracelet with a delicate Larus bird charm. It was beautiful. My gaze flickered to Theo, who offered a small smile.

"Do you like it?" she chirped, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Of course," Theo replied, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "It's perfect."

Then she was on me, engulfing me in a suffocating hug and babbling a mile a minute in a language that sounded suspiciously like excited Italian. It took a moment to decipher her words.

"Look! I got us matching Larus bird bracelets!" she chirped, holding up another identical bracelet.

I smiled as I took it from her, sliding it onto my wrist. "Thanks, Lana. It's beautiful."

"So, you took good care of her for me, like I asked?" Lana's voice turned teasing, her eyes flitting between Theo and me.

Before Theo could even open his mouth, I shot him a withering look. "You have no idea," I muttered, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Back in the car, Lana dominated the entire ride with a nonstop stream of chatter. I plastered a smile on my face and offered occasional nods, punctuated by the stolen glance at Theo in the rearview mirror.

Finally, we pulled into my driveway. Lana turned to me, bouncing with barely contained excitement. "Get some sleep, (Y/N)! We're all hitting the beach tonight – no excuses! We'll pick you up at ten, right Theo?"

My heart sank. Theo and I hadn't spoken a single word the entire ride, and the last thing I wanted was to spend another evening in his company.

"I—" I began, but Lana cut me off.

"No buts, (Y/N)! I'm serious," she said, her voice losing its playful edge. Her puppy-dog eyes were impossible to resist. Plus, the thought of disappointing her was unbearable.

With a forced smile, I nodded in agreement. "See you at ten," I mumbled, stepping out of the car I shut the car door with what I hoped was a significant bang (earning a "Hey!" from Theo and a giggle from Lana).

stormed up the steps and into my house. Reaching my room, I flung myself onto the bed and screamed into my pillow.

With a mission in mind, I flung open my dresser drawer. I pulled out the beach dress I'd bought with Mom, the one she'd teased me looked straight out of a goddess painting. "Playing Aphrodite?" she'd chuckled. Maybe a little Aphrodite action wouldn't hurt.

Packing was simple – a book for lounging, my makeup bag (waterproof mascara, a must!), sunscreen (just in case), and a water bottle. An extra layer? Nah, I was channeling beach goddess vibes today.

The pièce de résistance, however, was hidden beneath the dress – a hot pink bikini .

My phone buzzed on the nightstand – Lana calling. I swiped on another layer of lip gloss, the vibrant pink a perfect match for my mischievous mood.

Theo was already waiting by his car, a scowl etched on his face. I marched up to him, a mischievous glint in my eyes, and tossed the beach bag through the air. He caught it with a surprised grunt, his scowl deepening, a single word escaping my lips, "Catch."

A quick hug for Lana later, I slid into the backseat. Reaching for my phone, a notification from Marco, the cute Italian boy I'd met last year while visiting Italy , made me grin. He'd liked my recent post and even sent a DM.

"Hey, Lana," I began, tapping away at my phone, not taking my eyes off the screen as Theo threw the car into gear. "What does 'Mi sono perso nei tuoi occhi' mean?"

Lana's voice squeaked from the front seat. "Oh. My. God. He said… he said he's lost in your eyes! (Y/N), who on earth did you message?" Her voice rose in excitement, her body practically contorting as she tried to snatch a peek at my phone.

I playfully shoved her away as she tried to grab my phone for a closer look. "Stop it lan," I laughed, trying to mask the flutter in my stomach.

"Isn't a little soon to be moving on, (Y/N)?"

My jaw dropped, mirroring Lana's shocked expression in the rearview mirror. My eyes stung with a sudden wave of hurt. "What the actual—move on from what?" Lana sputtered, her voice a mix of outrage and disbelief.

"Can you mind your business, please?" I snapped at Theo, my voice tight with anger.

"Actually, it kind of is," he snapped back, his gaze fixed on the road ahead. "You're stuck with me for the entire day, remember?"

"Since when did you care about anything I did?"

The car swerved slightly as Theo tightened his grip on the wheel. "I care about you not getting hurt," he growled.

"Hurt? From a harmless compliment?" I spat. "Maybe you should worry more about the real hurt you caused, Theo."

Lana's voice cut through the tension, sharp and laced with genuine concern. "What? What do you mean, (Y/N)? What hurt did he cause?"

"I—" I started, the words catching in my throat."I didn't mean myself," the lie tasting bitter on my tongue.

He looked at me then, his gaze flickering to the tears welling up in my eyes.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my AirPods, the familiar comfort a lifeline in the storm. Cranking the volume to full blast, I shut out the world, focusing on the music that pulsed in my ears. I stared out the window, the world blurring into a watercolor mess.

The car jolted to a stop, and I practically leaped out before it even came to a complete halt. Grabbing my bag, I stormed towards the beach, the setting sun painting the sky in fiery hues. The familiar sight of the carnival near the shore grounded me slightly.

Enzo, was the first to spot me. He erupted in a whoop, and I practically dived into his welcoming embrace. The rest of the group soon followed, a cacophony of greetings washing over me.

Blaise, ambled towards me, a sheepish grin plastered on his face. I promptly blocked him with a hand on his chest. "You, Blaise, are officially banned from my life for at least another month."

"Come on, (Y/N)! I already took enough abuse on my beautiful face that night from that..." he trailed off, his eyes flicking towards Theo.

"Not a word," I hissed, cutting him off before he could spill the beans. "Don't you dare say a thing about it, or you're dead, Blaise. I swear."

A flicker of surprise crossed his face, quickly replaced by a resigned nod. "Alright, alright, secrets are safe with me." He slunk away, plopping down on the sand beside Enzo.

Across from me, Theo sat his gaze boring into me with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. He kept staring,His gaze was intense, burning into mine like he could see right through me, so I used the tried and true method – a good old-fashioned middle finger.

He met my gesture with a head shake, a hint of a smile playing on his lips as he lit a cigarette.

The sounds of laughter and chatter filled the air as our friends settled in for the evening. Inside, I felt a storm brewing – a mix of anger, hurt, and a strange, unidentifiable longing.

"Alright, guys! Who's up for truth or dare?" Lana's voice boomed, shattering the fragile peace.

"Childish," Mattheo scoffed.

"Pleeeease?" Lana pleaded, batting her eyelashes at him. He caved with a sigh, a lovesick smile playing on his lips.

"Actually, I have a bottle," I announced, reaching into my bag and pulling out my water bottle.

"Always prepared, sweet (Y/N)," Draco teased, blowing me a kiss. I countered with a playful air kiss.

"Not playing," Theo mumbled, blowing another smoke ring into the air.

"Coward," I whispered, not sure if he heard me. But apparently, he did.

"What did you say?" he challenged, his gaze hardening.

"Coward," I repeated, my voice gaining strength with each iteration. "Coward, coward, coward." I batted my eyelashes with a saccharine smile. "Want me to say it louder?"

"Okay, enough," Mattheo interjected, shooting a warning look at both of us. "You're playing, and you're going to stop."

Enzo, grabbed the bottle from me. "Let's get this party started, then! Spin it!"

The bottle wobbled and spun, finally landing on Lana with a triumphant thud.

"Truth or dare?" Enzo grinned.

"Dare!" she declared, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I dare you to reveal one of (Y/N)'s secrets," he challenged, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Lana's jaw dropped.

"It's okay, Lani," I mumbled, "Choose whatever you want, babe. No secrets here."

"Holy moly, you're not scared?" Blaise exclaimed, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I don't regret anything I do," I declared, holding Theo's gaze. "If it was a secret, it means I didn't want it out there enough. So, not worth keeping."

My defiance sent a smirk across my face, but inside, I was a mess. Theo muttered a barely audible curse under his breath.

Lana, ever the drama queen, paused for effect. "Well, you definitely have a thing for Italian! You might not have said it, but I just know..." she leaned in conspiratorially, "...saying one simple phrase in Italian would have you blushing like crazy, thinking it's a marriage proposal."

A roar of laughter erupted from the group, even Theo cracking a small smile.

"Buongiorno, bella," Blaise cooed in his best Italian accent, earning another round of laughter and a playful shove from me.

We continued playing truth or dare, the mood a strange mix of tension and laughter. The bottle finally landed on Blaise, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

He leaned in, his voice barely a whisper, "Remember our little agreement, (Y/N)?" I pursed my lips, silently mouthing, "Don't cross the line." He winked, then addressed me in a louder voice, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," I declared, a defiant edge to my voice.

"I dare you to take your dress off " he started, his voice trailing off dramatically.

A collective groan went up, except for Mattheo who smirked, and Enzo who playfully swatted Blaise's shoulder.

"What are you? a ten years old? You think I'd run away crying?" I challenged, a spark of defiance igniting within me. In one swift motion, I slipped out of the flowy beach dress, revealing the hot pink bikini underneath.

A low whistle escaped Blaise's lips. "Damn, girl! No wonder poor Cedric stood no chance. You could've driven him crazy with that bod."

I winked at him, relishing the surprised look on Lana's face. "Something to consider," I joked, trying to mask the storm of emotions brewing inside.

Theo, however, seemed less amused. "For f*ck's sake," he muttered under his breath, his voice laced with a hint of something I couldn't decipher.

Blaise smirked. "What's wrong, Theo? Can't handle the heat?"

For a second, I thought Theo was going to kill him. He clenched his jaw, his gaze burning into Blaise. "Just finish this stupid game already," he growled.

The tension was thick enough to choke on, and I decided to take back control. I snatched the bottle, spinning it with a flick of my wrist. As if mocking me, it landed squarely on Theo.

"Truth or dare?" I asked, my voice steady despite the tremor in my heart. Meeting his gaze was like looking into a stormy sea – the pain, confusion, and maybe even a flicker of longing swirling within.

"Truth," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Do you regret anything… right now?" Each word felt like a shard of glass in my throat, but I forced them out.

He held my gaze for an agonizing moment, then let out a ragged breath. "No," he finally said.

The answer hit me like a physical blow. It was the confirmation of what I'd already suspected, yet it still managed to shatter the fragile hope that had flickered within me.

We played two more rounds, the air heavy with unspoken words. Lana, seemingly oblivious to the tension, had dozed off, her head resting on my lap.

"I'm taking her to bed," Theo announced, bending down to scoop her up gently.

The sunrise was painting the sky in vibrant hues of orange and pink, casting long shadows on the beach. I closed my eyes, needing an escape from the whirlwind of emotions. "Going for a swim," I mumbled, a hollow ache settling in my chest.

Without waiting for a response, I raced towards the water, the cool waves washing over me as I plunged into the ocean. The salty water stung my eyes, but I didn't bother to brush it away. Here, in the vastness of the ocean, I could finally let go of the facade of bravado and let the tears flow freely.

I swam until my muscles screamed in protest. Exhausted but strangely calm, I watched as the others retreated to the house, leaving me alone with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Pushing the wet hair out of my face, I waded back to the beach, shivering as the cool morning air hit my damp skin.

Walking towards the back of the house, the first rays of sunlight warmed my back. I turned a corner, and just like that, I slammed into a solid wall of muscle. It was Theo.

I stumbled back, heart hammering against my ribs. "What are you doing here?" I snapped, the anger a shield against the vulnerability I refused to show.

"Enough, (Y/N). Stop this foolish game," he said, his voice low and intense.

"Foolish game? Don't you dare call my life a game, Theo," I spat, fury bubbling up inside me.

He stepped closer, his hand reaching out to grab my waist. Before I could react, he'd captured both my wrists in one of his large hands. He was close, so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body, his cologne a familiar scent that sent a shiver down my spine.

My heart hammered a frantic rhythm against my ribs, caught between the fear of getting hurt again and the undeniable pull I felt towards him.

"That?" he said, his voice laced with frustration as his gaze flickered down to the pink bikini clinging to my curves. "Is this what you're doing? Whoring yourself out?"

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. "Whoring myself out?" I mocked him. "Why do you even care, Theo? You made it perfectly clear you don't give a damn what I do, who I'm with, how I act."

He looked at me, his jaw clenched tight. "You will go inside," he said, his voice a low growl. "You will stop whatever you are doing, and you will not… whore yourself out like that again. Understood?"

The possessiveness in his voice, the way his gaze lingered on my body, sent a jolt through me. But I wouldn't let him control me.

I yanked my hands free, taking a step back. "You have no right to tell me what to do."

His eyes narrowed, but then he shifted his gaze, and for a fleeting moment, it landed on my lips. My breath hitched, my body reacting instinctively to his silent scrutiny.

He cleared his throat, the tension in the air crackling like electricity. "Y/N," he warned, his voice a husky whisper.

Then, before I could even process what was happening, he leaned in.

A mischievous grin spread across my face. "Were you watching me swim?" I asked, tilting my head up to meet his gaze.

He didn't answer, his jaw clenched tight. But something in his eyes, a flicker of heat, betrayed him.

"Just making sure you didn't drown," he finally muttered, his voice gruff.

I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing. "So that's why you're so… hard right now?" I teased, my voice dripping with playful innocence.

He glared at me, but there was a hint of something else in his eyes.”No,”.

I could feel the tension between us, thick and palpable. Theo's breathing was ragged, his words barely coherent as I teased him, my hand brushing over his stomach under his t-shirt.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, fluttering my lashes at him with a practiced innocence.

"Yeah," he managed to force out, his voice rough and unsteady. I saw his Adam's apple bob with a swallow as my hand grazed lower, sending a jolt through him.“Fuck y/n”

A smirk played on my lips as I traced a finger along his jawline. "Is that what you say when you… touch yourself?" I teased, my voice dripping with a sweetness that seemed foreign on my tongue. "Do you think of me?"

He looked at me, his gaze intense, his reply barely a gasp. "No."

"No?" I feigned surprise, leaning in closer. "So, you don't want me to help you now?" I purred, my voice dropping to a seductive murmur. "You don't want me to…" I trailed off.

"Get on my knees, right here, right now?" I finished suggestively.

He didn't respond, his breathing ragged and shallow. I pressed on, my voice dropping to a husky whisper. "I would let you," I breathed,"I would let you take me right here, right now. You could do whatever you wanted to me, anything at all."``

"Would you want me to do that?" I whispered, feeling his hand grip the wall for support.

I grabbed his hand and put on the heat between my thighs. A sharp gasp escaped my lips as his fingers grazed me, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. "See, I'm so wet already," I breathed, he leaned down, urgency in his kiss. I met him halfway, the taste of him both familiar and forbidden.

We broke apart, gasping for air. Before his lips could find mine again, I distracted him, freeing one hand and guiding his face towards the sensitive skin of my neck. His lips and tongue danced across the exposed flesh, sending shivers down my spine.

With his hair caught in my hand, I pulled his head back, then sank to my knees in front of him. Looking up at him, I whispered, "Can I, please?"

"Fuck," he muttered, nodding reluctantly.

I unbuttoned his jeans, looking up at him as I lowered his boxers. "You're so hard, Theo," I remarked, meeting his gaze. "It must be painful, isn't it?"

As I took him in, I continued in a feigned innocence, "You know, I've never done this before, Theo. Never been on my knees like this for someone before."

"But I'll do it for you," I whispered, locking eyes with him. "Because I'll do anything for you, even if you hurt me. I don't care."

I wrapped my lips around the head of his cock, feeling him twitch in response. He cursed, and I pulled away, planting soft kisses along his length. "So, you didn’t think of me doing that when you masturbate?" I asked, my voice teasing.

"I did—fuck, I did, and I hated myself for that," he confessed, his voice strained with desire.

I started to slide my mouth down his shaft, tasting the salty precum that had already leaked out. He moaned, his hands tangling in my hair as I took him deeper, swirling my tongue around him.

"Oh, fuck,", his praise spurring me on. "That feels so good, baby. You're so good at this."

I started to move my head up and down, taking him deeper with each stroke. I could feel him getting harder in my mouth, and I knew he was enjoying this.

"Yes, just like that," Theo said, his voice strained.

I started to suck harder, using my tongue to tease the sensitive skin of his cock. I could feel him getting closer to the edge, and I knew I had to keep going.

I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock, my fingers gripping him tightly as I began to move my head back and forth. I took him deeper, feeling his cock hit the back of my throat. I could feel him pulsing in my mouth, and I knew he was about to cum.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he groaned, his grip in my hair tightening.

I continued, sucking harder and faster, bringing him to the edge. But just as he was about to release, I pulled away abruptly.

"What —what the fuck?"

I stood up, pushing my hair back with a smirk. "So, you believed that?" I asked, seeing the confusion and frustration in his eyes.

"Believed what?" he asked, breathing heavily and clearly confused.

"That night, did you actually believe what I said?" I taunted, tracing his face lightly with my fingertips. "I just said what I had to get what I wanted, Theo. And it worked. I had you. It was… fun."

I continued, reveling in the power shift, "so actually you were one of my boys, all wrapped around my finger."

"I would pull my jeans up if I were you," I advised with a finality that hung heavy in the air.

Every word that tumbled out of my mouth was a lie, a carefully woven tapestry of deceit designed to inflict the same searing pain I felt. I wanted him to see himself reflected in the cruel mirror of my words, to understand the depth of the wound he'd left gaping in my heart.

I turned away, heading back to the house and eventually to the shared room with Lana. Once in the bathroom, I started the shower and sank to the ground, my legs giving out beneath me, as I let out a sob that wracked my entire body. The pain of his rejection, the guilt of my actions, the hurt of my unrequited love – it all came crashing down upon me in a wave of despair.

The drive home was a suffocating silence, punctuated only by the rhythmic hum of the engine. I'd fabricated a story about catching the flu, needing to rest. The lietasted acrid on my tongue, but facing Lana, facing anyone, felt impossible.

Back in my room, the familiar walls seemed to close in on me. I sank onto the bed, burying myself in the covers. Theo's calls came one after another, his texts a constant reminder of the conversation left hanging. "We need to talk," they pleaded, each message a fresh wave of guilt crashing over me.

The sting of betrayal still lingered, but today, I craved solace. Seeking refuge in a familiar spot, I found myself nestled amongst the vibrant blooms near the bridge. Here, the gentle murmur of the water and the sweet scent of flowers offered a temporary escape.

Time seemed to blur as I sat there, lost in thought. Then, a shadow fell across me. Startled, I looked up to find Theo's hesitant gaze. Surprise momentarily rendered me speechless.

"Can I sit?" he asked, his voice laced with a vulnerability I hadn't seen before. A silent nod was all I could manage.

He lowered himself beside me, leaning back against the tree trunk. The silence between us was thick, heavy with unspoken emotions. My gaze drifted across the field, a silent plea for him to break the tension.

"The night before it happened…" he began, his voice thick with emotion, "I promised your brother I'd take care of you."

My head snapped towards him, surprise etching across my face.

"I promised," he continued, meeting my gaze. "That's why I tried so hard to push you away. I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to you, of failing him."

A wave of guilt washed over me. "Theo…" I began, but he cut me off, his hand reaching out to clasp mine.

"It didn't work, though, did it?" he said, a wry smile playing on his lips. "I told myself I should only see you as a sister, but I couldn't. And that scared me. So I tried to push you away, as much as it hurt me"

"it did hurt me too y/n," he admitted. "The moment you kissed me…everything changed. I didn’t know you felt the same. It, and it scared me. I needed to regain control."

A lump formed in my throat as he revealed his turmoil. "Then the kiss," he continued, his voice barely a rasp. "Everything changed. I didn't know you felt that way, and I panicked. Tried to regain control."

A tear escaped, tracing a glistening path down my cheek. "When Blaise brought you in... this night" he continued, his eyes searching mine, "I was a wreck. I felt like I'd betrayed your brother, tainted something so pure."

"What I did after, it was unfair. Unforgivable. You're not just another girl, Y/N. You're the only one. The only one I want. And even if it takes a lifetime to make things right, I will. Because I love you. I can't hide it anymore."

Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. "I didn't mean anything I said at the beach," I confessed. "I just... I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me."

He reached out, his hand gently cupping my face. "We messed up," i said, "We hurt each other."

Tears escaped, tracing warm paths down my cheeks. "But maybe we can fix it," I whispered, a sliver of hope flickering within me.

He brushed away my tears, his touch so soft . "I deserve the pain," he say,"But you don't. I'm so sorry, Y/N. So sorry for everything."

A bittersweet smile spread across my face. "I love you too," I confessed, the words tumbling out like a long-held secret. It felt surreal, a dream come true whispered on the wind.

He leaned in slowly, his lips brushing mine in a soft, tentative kiss. It was a perfect collision of emotions – tenderness, passion, and a promise of a new beginning. He deepened the kiss, pulling me onto his lap, our bodies aligning perfectly.

When he pulled away, his eyes sparkled with an intensity that sent a jolt through me. "Give me a chance," he pleaded. "To make things right. I'll never hurt you again. I don't deserve forgiveness, but I'm begging for it. Please, let me make it up to you."

"I forgave you already," I admitted, "but can you say it again? Just to be sure I didn't imagine it."

A smile, genuine and heartfelt, softened his features. He leaned back in, his lips whispering the words against mine, "I love you, Y/N L/N."

My heart soared. "I think I might die happy right now," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Suddenly, a nagging thought surfaced. "But what about Lana? We need to tell her."

Theo's smile faltered for a moment. "Believe me, she knows," he said with a sigh. "Apparently, she's celebrating you being her 'sister' and even thanked me for it."

I couldn't help but laugh. It sounded like something Lana would do. "Of course, that sounds like her,"

Suddenly, a playful glint sparked in his eyes. "Now," he drawled, a hint of jealousy lacing his voice, "about that Italian boy?"

I couldn't help but burst into laughter. Leaning in, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. "There's nothing to worry about," I mumbled against his shirt.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me. "Good," he said, his arms tightening around me in a possessive hug. "Because I was planning a little trip to Italy."

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