spacenoirdetective

[spacenoirdetective]

[spacenoirdetective]

Atomic Bomb Home,1955.

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Douglas Klauba, "The Adventures of Philip Marlowe"

[spacenoirdetective]

Just imagine this poor guy worked his entire life to make clay models for all the rich people who could afford a good afterlife. One day, he perfects the art of the cucumber so his clients can have cucumber forever in the next realm. A realm with eternal cucumber! And he shows his friends and they all laugh and guffaw and point and say "Dude, dude, dude...DUDE! Your boss is gonna have some eternal DONG, dude!" and he just gets this dejected look on his face. Sadly, he fumbles his way home where he lays the clay cucumber down and starts work on his own sarcaphagus because man, fuck all you guys. I'm gonna have all the cucumber I want in the next life!!!

I know this happens and it looks suspicious but

this image? we have every reason to think it is a cucumber, like it was made in clay models in burials period, it's painted green, it's on the small side of things (9.6 cm or 3 3/4 inch)

oh right and it was placed on a model offering table with small model bread and drinking cup

sometimes a cucumber really is a cucumber.

[spacenoirdetective]

When you're not rich enough to be pardoned for your crimes after a lifetime of spineless parasitism, brownnosing and asskissing.

Oops 😅

[spacenoirdetective]

Erik Gist, Conan the Barbarian art

Second from the bottom is Conan Vs. Deadpool

[spacenoirdetective]

It just occurred to me how this would make a great journal cover.

Victor Kalin, cover art for "Give the Little Corpse a Big Hand" by George Bagby, 1954

[spacenoirdetective]

I have a theory about how the LA fires started and you probably aren't going to like it. So...I think the lesbian fire chiefs started the LA fires...with their pussies.

They got dry up there. Years passed and no one cleared the brush, if you know what I mean. Those bull dykes have had some dry ass canyons for a while now. One day...things just happened. They all got together and had some white wine and a barrel of French cheese. Things happened.

Sparks flew. They flew everywhere. They didn't even notice what was happening. And when the scissor siren stopped wailing and the fire truck with the big mud flaps finally came to a full stop...it was too late. Things got out of control. But love is like that.

Anyway, if you judge them for starting a pussy fire that devastated a few hundred thousand homes, you're a GIANT homophobe. If you think these giant dykes with their giant cheese and their giant hearts deserve the poor treatment, mockery and absolutely uncalled for attacks on their homely, fire hydrant shaped heads, I never want you to talk to me again. Likewise, if you say something about how there was less in those heads than the fire hydrants that had nothing in them, than I shall have to say good day to you, Sir or Madam or Otherkin!

I hope that you all treat this theory with the sensitivity and dignity that it deserves. It is a timely topic and it is one that should be pursued with only the utmost of academic decorum. Pussy fires are a threat to us all and we need to discuss how to keep as many lesbians in the fire department as possible in spite of this enormous risk. Firing lesbians is not the answer. In fact, we should never even type a sentence with the words "fire" and "lesbian" ever again lest we offend the LGBTQIABCDEFIREOMG community.

[spacenoirdetective]

Frank R Paul, cover art for "Wonder Stories", Aug 1930

[spacenoirdetective]

Gregory Manchess, cover art for "Jake and the Other Girl" by Emmy Laybourne

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Gregory Manchess

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Greg Hildebrandt, illustration work for "The Phantom of the Opera" by Gaston Leroux

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Frank Frazetta, cover art for "Tarzan the Invincible" by Edgar Rice Burroughs

[spacenoirdetective]

HR Van Dongen, illustration work for "Astounding Science Fiction" Oct 1952

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Esteban Maroto

[spacenoirdetective]

Carl Barks, Uncle Scrooge goes to the Klondike, 1978

[spacenoirdetective]

Johnny Bruck, Tales of Voodoo cover art, 1971