#bonus way they are similar: they are very verbal about how attractive they find me and how lucky they feel to be with me and

[shadow-scenarios]

Can I get a phantom thieves reaction to feeling jealousy over their s/o for the first time please? thank you for your work 💞

Anon, you’re brilliant. Jealousy HCs are always fun for me to write.

Thank you for the compliment!! You best be staying hydrated and taking care of yourself.

- Nexus.

Joker { Akira Kurusu }

✧ As the master of suppressing his emotions, Akira knows exactly what jealousy is & how unhealthy it can be. However, despite months of practise he cannot help but pull them away from the person who was making him jealous. It is almost like an impulse.

✧ Very subtly he does this. It starts with distracting the conversation away to something he finds easy to talk about with his significant other & he very slowly starts to disinclude the person making him jealous from the conversation. He is so incredibly subtle that most people do not notice.

✧ Eventually he takes them away, holding their hand the entire time. There is a smile plastered on his face but inside he feels a sense of both pride for taking them away from the source of his suffering & shame for being so irrational. Akira kisses them on the top of their head but if they were to mention him being jealous, he would eventually admit it with a small frown.

Skull { Ryuji Sakamoto }

✧ Ryuji has rather intense feelings about his significant other & if he feels as though someone is flirting with them, he is quick to take action. Though most of the time he swoops in to check how they are doing, he will press a chaste kiss onto their cheek as he leaves.

✧ He tries to be subtle but it is very obvious when he is jealous because he complains about the person immediately after they leave & he vehemently denies any trace of being jealous. Although it is quite endearing, it can be frustrating to deal with.

✧ Talking to him is the key. Promising that they would never leave him for someone else is rather reassuring to his mind & although Ryuji is barely ever insecure about their relationship, seeing other people act flirty { even if unintentional } makes him feel not quite right.

Panther { Ann Takamaki }

✧ Ann often tries to see the good in people at first because she is an optimistic person at heart. However, no one comes between herself & her significant other. Her jealousy can be very dangerous if not kept under lock & key.

✧ Even if it is something rather minor such as accidental hand brushing, she will lean over & kiss them because there is an instinctual need to ensure that no one will steal them because she knows how lucky she is to have them.

✧ Anyone who is perverted towards them must be eradicated. She knows exactly what it is like to deal with that kind of abuse & cannot even stand the thought of her significant other dealing with anything even remotely similar to what happened with Kamoshida.

Fox { Yusuke Kitagawa }

✧ Yusuke is very hard to make jealous because he understands the beauty of the human body. He makes a lot of comments about how people are attractive & does not notice flirting most of the time because he is simply just very eccentric.

✧ Someone who incurred his wrath will be very deserving of it. Although he struggles with some social clues, he is not completely oblivious to certain advances. He will pour his heart & soul into a speech about how they are trying to steal away his lover, grabbing the attention of anyone nearby. It is actually quite embarrassing how boldly he proclaims his love for them.

✧ Afterwards, he places a kiss on their forehead & claims that no one shall steal them away whilst he is protecting them. Just wait until someone flirts with him & he has absolutely no clue what they are talking about...

Queen { Makoto Niijima }

✧ One of the people most likely to be logical & talk things out. If someone were to flirt with them, she would simply approach & tell them that she is their significant other, meaning that they are off limits. It is a methodical approach but it works well to ward most people off.

✧ For some stupid reason if they were to continue with that behaviour, they would face the Fist of Justice. Not literally though, she does not want to be arrested for assault. She would verbally attack them, saying that they are making her significant other uncomfortable.

✧ Makoto does not really get angry because she can see why people would flirt with them? They are beautiful & as long as everyone knows that they belong to her, everything will be fine.

Oracle { Futaba Sakura }

✧ Poor bean. Futaba does not understand a lot of her emotions so when she begins to feel rather weird around someone talking to her significant other, she goes & bothers them, hoping to distract both herself & them from the conversation.

✧ It is incredibly blatant that she is jealous by the way she is so obviously trying to pull them away from the person they are talking to but the process by which she goes about it is incredibly endearing.

✧ Explaining jealousy to her is important. Most of the time it is unconscious but catching her out of it is good because she can be quite clingy.

Noir { Haru Okumura }

✧ Haru is tolerant of most people due to her sweet nature so it is likely that she would not be jealous of anyone. However, in the unlikely event it does ever occur, she has a plan. She will not part with her significant other without a fight.

✧ As a warning, she very casually takes their hand in her own & continues on with whatever is happening. She makes sure that the object of her jealousy can see quite clearly. Despite being an indirect method, the simple action conveys a lot.

✧ If it got particularly bad & there was flirting going on, she would verbally say something. Very calmly, Haru would mention the length of their relationship or something about an anniversary, which would immediately cause them to back down.

& Bonus Character — Goro Akechi

{ I just had a really good idea with Akechi & wrote this as a spur of the moment thing— }

Crow { Goro Akechi }

✧ Akechi is not the type of man to share, especially when it comes to that criminal trash Akira Kurusu. He was merely on a date with his significant other at the arcade when they had ran into each other. It was clear that the interaction was mostly innocent & that they had known each other previously but when they put a hand on his shoulder, something snapped.

✧ Ever so politely, he takes their hand & suggests that they must be going, as they do not often get time to themselves for a date. At some point, he grips their hand slightly too tightly & does not notice until they point out that they are hurting them.

✧ Afterwards, Akechi appears rather embarrassed. He apologises at least three or four times, simply saying that he wanted to enjoy the little time the two of them had together. If his significant other were to tease him about it, he would actually become rather flustered & ask them to stop rather abashedly.

Word Count: 1.1k

Publish Date: 07.10.20

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[goth-giraffe]

Not-so-quick guide to my OCs that I sometimes talk about here! xD So... Echo and Meredith, really. Plus a bonus one! Plus new art! :D

Warning, this is gonna be long so I put it under a cut :)

Anyway, because he’s the one that will definitely be mentioned most here, let’s start with..

Echo~

(I didn’t say anything about the quality of the new art xD)

Echo is my persona/self insert character..... he’s really just an alternate version of me (I like to think he’s my Alola form :3)

And like me he’s lonely so he has imaginary friends to keep him going, his current one being Loki ‘cause my current obsession is Loki

Echo is kinda hard to explain because everything about him fluctuates depending on my mood.. there are different versions of him and he doesn’t exactly have a set story or universe.. (For instance I didn’t create him specifically to hang out with Loki, but when I needed a friend I gave him Loki as an imaginary one)

Anyway! Some basic facts! He’s ace/aro, and agenderfluid (questioning?), with he/him pronouns (they/them is safe too though)

Kinda short, 5′2″ ish

Around my age, 17-20, but the mental age of anywhere from 8-17 ish.... he’s always kind of childish but how extreme varies from moment to moment

He’s AFAB but I usually draw him flat-chested because I use him as a way to combat dysphoria so, should anyone else want to draw him, best to draw him flat-chested

Loves trying on clothes! (Mainly because I like a lot of clothes but pretty much exclusively wear pajamas so... yeah I use my OCs as models)

Quiet, non-verbal in some versions (in which case he’ll write in a notepad to communicate), very shy

Sometimes makes clicking noises to calm himself

Daydreams a lot, also sleeps a lot

Gets upset over dumb things... and he’s scared of everything

Doesn’t really like being touched but sometimes snuggles Loki when he’s upset

He’s probably autistic

Probably also has borderline personality disorder.. but I’m unsure about giving him the disorders I think I have, because I don’t actually have a diagnosis (scared of doctors).. nonetheless, a lot of the symptoms that come with those disorders, he has

Likes to draw and his muse is Loki

Likes bugs, especially butterflies

Collects rocks

Eats goldfish crackers

Has really bad posture

Okay at this point I’m just adding random facts about me which is probably weird idk xD I don’t know what more to say about him soo yeah... this is my weird persona

aand next up-

Meredith~

(I liked how this art turned out tbh and I might repost it on my other blog..)

Meredith is an OC insert specifically for Marvel Cinematic Universe

She’s dating Loki, and you’ll find a lot more about her and Loki at @cuddly-loki​! (It’s my blog specifically for them! :D)

Buuuut I do mention her here occasionally because I love her (and there are definitely traces of her from when this blog was cuddly-loki), so I’m including her in this :3

She’s not really into labels but she is kinda gendermeh, I think of her as a nonbinary woman (...or soft butch, but I call her that mostly when Loki happens to swap genders), but she just uses she/her pronouns

Again, meh about labels but she has dated both feminine and masculine people, and she doesn’t really experience physical attraction the same as most people

Kinda goth, dresses mostly in greyscale colours and in kind of goth/punk clothes I guess (also, she prefers androgynous clothes)

Really affectionate with people close to her, close friends and her boyfriend of course :3 (mild PDA does not make her uncomfortable but it sure does irritate Loki)

Quiet, but not shy- she’ll talk to anyone probably but she’d rather watch them until it makes them uncomfortable xD

Once you get past the being weird or goth to creep you out though, she’s very soft and pretty nice (even if still a little dark)

She’s an aspiring musician.. sorta. She plays violin and loves music.. but also has a weird relationship with music, we’ll just leave it at that for now

Works night shift as a bartender

Likes horror movies

Favourite food is pizza

Loves birds

Doesn’t like technology very much

She has a lineup of mental disorders too I’m sure, she’s an ex junkie for one and likes to feel numb to things.. 

Also has persistent insomnia, either related to her depression or depression meds, who knows

Lives in her apartment with a couple plants and Loki, who is still adjusting to Earth life

Like mentioned above you can find more of Meredith at my blog @cuddly-loki​ and if you ask questions about her or her and Loki I will probably be very happy :)

Side note: Meredith is not meant to be a self insert but we do have things in common, and I’d probably get along with her. She’s pretty chill and gets along with most people though haha

A little bonus one, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her here before but just in case

Gwyneth~

(Okay this turned out a little messy but ehh. It was kind of just from memory, I might have still had references for her but I lost them when my jumpdrive quit so meh)

She’s a dead character that I don’t use anymore and won’t be using anymore but on the off chance I’ve mentioned her or do mention her, I’ll go ahead and add her to this as a little bonus

I created her when I first started obsessing over Loki, and she was a self insert I used to selfship romantically with him... it was okay for a brief time but in the end I hated it. It’s hard to explain, kind of personal.. but for one thing, I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I love soft romance stuff but I don’t really want to be part of it.

...And that’s why I killed Gwyneth and created Meredith ehehe

I’m gonna talk about her a little anyway, for one, she was an artist/painter

She liked to take pictures of strangers to paint them and I’m pretty sure that’s how she met Loki (AKA the weirdo on the sidewalk in the all black suit)

I honestly don’t remember what her actual income came from, maybe she was on disability, Idk

Anyway she was a mess. Severely depressed. Couldn’t really keep herself together.

She hid behind jokes and sarcasm though, so no one really knew how bad she was (even Loki, for a time)

She would climb trees which annoyed Loki a little bit, turns out trickster gods don’t enjoy having to climb trees just to talk to their girlfriends

Wore a trench coat as kind of a comfort item (because that’s what I did at that time)

Often got lost in daydreams...

Scared of most things...

Yeah you’ll notice she’s a lot like Echo (even the hair- pbbt). I’ve had a lot of self inserts over the years, killed off when my anxiety convinced me I was being cringey or when they didn’t feel like me anymore.. with Gwyneth it was maybe a tiny bit those things but also other stuff, like being aromantic questioning. Creating Echo was a new start for me because it was more of an exploration of where I’m comfy gender-wise... and, unlike most of my other self inserts, I don’t really age him up. But most importantly... he’s very emotionally messy but he doesn’t hide it (or else he doesn’t hide it well) because one of my things is I need to at least pretend that people would still love me if they knew how sad and broken I am. So.. yes, Echo is a sensitive character, he upsets easily and he’s usually pretty sad.. but that’s kind of the point, because he’s still loved. 

.....Anyway sorry for going back to Echo. I don’t have a lot more to say about Gwyneth - she’s dead and not coming back - but she was a stepping stone to where I’m currently comfortable so, RIP Gwyneth I suppose :)

On the page I drew them on it’s kinda funny because it looks like Meredith and Echo are very uncomfortable that Gwyneth is there (which was only semi-intentional ehehe) 

Echo looks cautiously curious but Meredith looks very awkward like “Oh.. so you’re back...” ..she’s hiding something... And Gwyneth’s like “So... how’s Loki been?” xD

All these characters are obviously kinda similar which is part of why I put them all here (....clearly I have an obsession with blue hair but shhh), also their connections to Loki, haha.... Meredith is definitely the most connected, Echo’s Loki isn’t real and Gwyneth is dead, so... yeah.

Anyway hopefully this was a little helpful. I might make better guides for Meredith and Echo sometime but for now this works. Also, always feel free to ask questions about them!! :)

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

(1) Hi, I’m not asking this question to offend anyone, this is a genuine question I have. If I offend anyone for being insensitive I am very sorry. So I've been thinking a lot of the differences between transracial vs. transgender and the more research and opinions I find on it the more I get confused. The main argument against being transracial is that a transracial person hasn't gotten the full experience of the specific gender they are identifying due to them living as birth gender. continued

(2) Like Rachel Dolezal being told she is not allowed to identify as black because she hasn’t gotten the true experience of being a black woman in America due to her living the her life as a white woman. However, can’t the same thing be said, for example, a MTF transgender person? It is undeniable that there is a specific woman experience. And for people (especially who realize they are trans late) live their lives passing as a man and don’t get this experience. (continued)(3) Being a woman is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts. A MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life until they begin to live their lives true to their real selves. Why does this ‘experience’ argument work to discount transracial but doesn’t discount transgender? Again I’m very sorry for this question, I will admit myself it is very ignorant. But I just really want an answer to this and I hope I can get that.Harper says:Hi there, I’m going to assume you are asking this in good faith but to be quite honest the phrasing of some of your questions seriously makes me doubt that. Before I start, I want to clarify as Kii does in this ask that transracial is a term that actually describes someone who has been adopted by someone to a family of a different race, rather than the racist stuff Dolezal is doing.First off I’m going to address some assumptions about being a woman that you make in your question: “there is a specific woman experience” and that that experience “is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts.” It’s curious to me that you claim there is an “undeniable… specific woman experience” and then only cite moments that we can see other people who are not women experience. For example, homophobic catcalling, i.e. verbal sexual harassment can and does happen to effeminate gay men on the streets; black men are a site of sexual objectification in much of media, consider pornography for example; gay men, men of colour are also paid less than their male counterparts and have been for some time historically. If you base your understanding of what makes a woman entirely on something like misogyny, you have to be open to the fact that other oppressive forces will coalesce in the same way to recreate similar experiences in similar liberation groups. You should also acknowledge that gendered discrimination doesn’t operate on a basis purely targeting women. I think you should broaden your understanding on how such forces work. I recommend reading Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl:

While often different in practice, cissexism, transphobia, and homophobia are all rooted in oppositional sexism, which is the belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each possessing a unique and non overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. Oppositional sexists attempt to punish or dismiss those of us who fall outside of gender or sexual norms because our existence threatens the idea that women and men are “opposite” sexes. This explains why bisexuals, lesbians, gays, transsexuals, and other transgender people — who may experience their genders and sexualities in very different ways — are so often confused or lumped into the same category (i.e., queer) by society at large. Our natural inclinations to be attracted to the same sex, to identify as the other sex, and/or to express ourselves in ways typically associated with the other sex blur the boundaries required to maintain the male-centered gender hierarchy that exists in our culture today.In addition to the rigid, mutually exclusive gender categories established by oppositional sexism, the other requirement for maintaining a male-centered gender hierarchy is to enforce traditional sexism — the belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity. Traditional and oppositional sexism work hand in hand to ensure that those who are masculine have power over those who are feminine, and that only those born male will be seen as authentically masculine. For the purposes of this manifesto, the word misogyny will be used to describe this tendency to dismiss and deride femaleness and femininity.

I’d also like to turn your attention to Jacob Hale’s essay Are Lesbians Women? in which he lays out a list of factors of what makes a woman. He does so in such a way where each individual item on the list is not necessary nor sufficient in order to be a woman. For example, although he lists ‘presence of breasts’ as one such condition that is often correlated with being a woman, there are plenty of women without breasts in the world: trans women without breasts, cis women who have had double mastectomies, and so on. Hale also notes that his list is not entirely exhaustive: there’s always the possibility that this list will be added to in future. I’d highly recommend you look at it if you’re after your “undeniable” “woman’s experience”.Next I’m going to look at your claim that “an MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life.” This entirely constructs a similar narrative for trans women and entirely disregards the possibility that such a person was raised by understanding and supportive parents from a young age and grew up as a girl from an early age. Whatever your argument about ‘transracial’, it’s clear that you already have a reductive understanding of womanhood and a transgender experience. Such forces and experiences that play into gender interact in ways far more complex than what you’ve detailed above. I also want to point out here that you’ve failed to describe how the arguments above apply to trans men: that is to say a trans man who transitions in his late twenties in the western world will probably experience all of what you label as the “woman experience”, and yet they are men. The argument you present is typical of the considerations ‘transracial’ arguments operate with. They are often circulated by people with a vested transmisogynistic interest as a “gotcha!” designed to portray trans women as either dangerous or ridiculous. As a result they are designed to eliminate any shred of transgender voices. What is implicit in the argument you’ve laid out is that 1. trans women aren’t women and 2. trans men are. The argument fails completely to consider how a trans person articulates their own understandings which often run contrary to the line of argument. I urge you to consider how this argument is made and what purposes it serves. Is it an honest exploration of the workings of gender and race or is there a bias or a motive driving the ‘logic’ of the argument.On to the ‘transracial’ aspect of your argument. I hope so far I have managed to draw your attention to the implicit biases given in the argument, as well as the levels of complexities you have yet to acknowledge. Much of the same can be said about how you present race in the argument.First of all, I’d like to draw your attention that considerations of being perceived as a different race is a reality faced by many white-passing people of colour and many mixed-race people who live through this daily. It is a consideration that has been often articulated and is still often articulated. If the argument was an earnest exploration of the shifting and transitory nature of the perception of people of colour in a racist society, would it not rather look at this aspect? If the argument was an honest exploration of the similarities and differences a construction of both racialised and gendered experiences, would it not center trans women of colour’s voices as they are best situated at this intersection of race and gender to experience this? Is it not suspicious that such an argument doesn’t do this? In fact, go read Franchesca Ramsey’s article on this for a black trans woman talking about it, and Riley’s arcticle, a black non-binary person who highlights:

Rachel Dolezal flat out lied about her life and her experiences, and not to protect herself, but to protect the benefits she received and the space she acquired through those lies. She lied to protect her privilege, a trait of white people and all privileged groups. Her life could have been the same had she merely remained the white woman she was. White people already devour space in Black communities as a bonus of their whiteness, but she chose to take her farce further, becoming a “Black” woman who happened to be indistinguishable from the party in power.There is no benefit to being transgender, and there is no harm, but there is every benefit and harm to a white person picking a less privileged race to join because white features are privileged in every race and identification has no effect on that.

(my emphasis added.)In addition to the points raised by Riley and Ramsey, I’d point out that the move to make a blind comparison between race and gender on the basis of “they are both experienced by people” or “they are both social constructs” “so why can’t x” is just so materially and historically off. There is no consideration in your given argument over the differences between race and gender. There is no consideration that racism was founded by a white ruling colonial class to dominate a colonised and enslaved population. Such a population had within it differently gendered and transgendered people. There is no consideration that this domination was a product of hundreds of years of a capitalism that needed a large white working class to carry out a sustained colonial project: a colonial project that is still in action across the world today. There is no consideration of the formation of gender and the nuclear family as a product of the division of labour enforced by capitalism and the ruling classes on the working classes.In effect, gender and race are two different things. They of course intersect, but the ways in which they operate are distinct and different. Reducing both down to a level that strips them of their actual effects and lived realities in order to further either a justification for a racist white woman exploiting black people or to further a ridicule and strawmanning of the transgender community is a shameful act of bigotry posing under a guise of logic and inquiry.

Check out our /tagged/transracial for more commentary. 

[paradoxiii]

15 through 20??

15. Favorite song?

Probably Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine. I know it was really popular when it came out, but I couldn’t really tell what the lyrics were so I didn’t care much for it. Then, almost two years ago now, I actually got around to watching a lyric video of it, and… it just kind of resonated with me. I was having a really tough time, but I just kept telling myself that if I can make it to college, it’ll get better.

16. Favorite movie?

Aaaaaaa, it’s hard to pick one, but at the moment my favs are Black Panther, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005), The Time Machine (2002), and Heathers.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Ohhhhhh man, you caught me at an interesting time for this question. First of all, dorks are my kryptonite. Any dork I know irl, there’s a 99% I’ve had at least a lowkey crush on at some point. It’s really very frustrating.

Along those lines, my ideal partner would be rather intelligent as well as compassionate. A bookworm who shares maybe a few of my interests, but is more knowledgeable in areas I’m not too great in (which is pretty much everything but I am interested in astronomy, genetics, physics, and computer science even though science/math don’t really like me). They could listen to me ramble about my story ideas and help me along the way of writing them.

In regards to appearance, I’ve found quite a variety of people attractive, but they get bonus points if they have dark hair, wear glasses, and if their hair is shoulder length or longer (more androgynous or male-aligned folks can get away with it being a little bit shorter).

Also, it’d be great if they know how to drive (I’m still learning), and liking cats is a must, and I’d prefer that they at least don’t hate dogs. And… I think my ideal partner would also be somewhere on the ace spectrum. When it comes to sexual things I like verbal teasing, but I’m usually neutral anything further than plain old making out. For some reason, I’m more inclined towards sexual actions when I’ve gotten comfortable with an allosexual s/o, even though it’s rare that I enjoy it.

Anyway, with all that said, I watched some Criminal Minds the other day, and every time I see even one episode of it… I spend the next few days obsessing over it… and especially Spencer Reid. So… yeah. The timing on the “ideal partner” question has been impeccably chosen.

18. Do you want children?

No, I’m not a fan of kids. I’m always worried about being too tough or too lenient, and I don’t like dealing with gross stuff (I’ll do it if I have to though). I find it unlikely that I’ll ever want kids, but I won’t say it’s impossible. Oh, and I don’t like the idea of going through pregnancy. If I ever do want kids, I’ll be adopting.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nah, I’d rather just go to the courthouse in a nice dress with some close friends. That shit is expensive and nerve-wracking.

20. Are you religious?

My answer is actually pretty similar to yours! I’m agnostic, meaning I believe there may or may not be some sort of higher power(s), but for me personally, I would like to think there’s at least something after death. Sometimes I think about it really hard and I get frustrated because I feel like I’m so close to the answer but can’t quite reach it.

Thanks for the ask from this thing I’m linking to in case anyone else wants to have me ramble about myself!

[polyrolemodels]

Lucy / @PolyThought

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

Just about five years now!

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I'm in a partnership of almost five years that has been an open relationship from the start. C and I first met as co-workers 10 years ago and had overlapping social circles but hadn't spent any time together one-on-one until our first date five years later. I decided the last time I was single that I only wanted non-monogamous relationships going forward, and he was completely comfortable with that, having had experience in open relationships before. I'm grateful to him for the perspective he offered me (when I was a brand-new polyamorous person) and his comfortable, positive attitude towards freedom in relationships. Our relationship has grown ever-stronger and closer over the years, and we just had a commitment ceremony last month to share with our loved ones our intention to remain in a loving and supportive relationship for the rest of our lives. Sometimes people don't understand why we didn't get legally married. Our relationship is unconventional beyond just being non-monogamous: we also don't live together, we don't share finances, and we both live very independent lives. At least at this point, it wouldn't benefit us much to legally merge in the ways that marriage involves. But we love each other deeply and are very committed to our relationship, and we had our ceremony to commemorate and celebrate that.

W is an important person in my life who I'm in a changing relationship with. We started dating shortly after we met nearly two years ago. My worldview has expanded so much as a result of knowing them, particularly in all that I've learned about aromanticism, but also in many other ways. Our relationship is currently transitioning from a partnership to something different, by mutual agreement. Although change is hard, we're both on board with finding out what's next, and it's reassuring to know that we love each other. I'm thinking of this in the framework of "find spaces for the people in your life, not people for the spaces in your life," and I'm confident that we will find the right spaces for each other.

Overall, I'd say my relationship philosophy is "non-hierarchical polyamory." Although it is important to me to honor the commitments and plans I've made in existing relationships, it's also important to me that I (and anyone I'm with) can make similar commitments and plans in new relationships, too, if we want to. To me, being non-hierarchical means that every relationship has equal opportunity for growth into its own best-fitting format.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

I'm good at communicating, even about the hard stuff, and I think I'm generally good at helping others feel comfortable communicating with me. I do well at analyzing relationships and introspecting about my motivations, feelings, needs, and boundaries. I'm good at seeking compromise in ways that honor my boundaries while keeping an open ear and heart to what my loved ones' boundaries are, too.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

Jealousy! It sometimes comes up when I least expect it. My self-confidence is pretty good these days, but sometimes, something seemingly small will just set me on a downward spiral in my head. I think I have a pretty good process for dealing with it, though.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

Ideally, I give myself space to process my feelings when I'm first dealing with them. I know that my immediate, knock-me-upside-the-head jealous feelings will rarely lead to productive, compassionate discussion if I bring them up with the jealousy-target in that moment. Sometimes, that's been unavoidable, because the feelings start while I'm physically near the person/people. But if the feelings come up while I'm alone, I generally let myself sit with them long enough to feel them, and then for reason to start to creep back in. That usually involves some thought-challenging: for example, remembering that when I am enamored of someone, that doesn't change how I feel about anyone else. Or, remembering the things the person loves about me, or remembering evidence that they're attracted to me, or whatever else I need. Sometimes, that doesn't fully resolve my jealous feelings, and I realize I do need to talk to the person. My next step is to dig for a need I can name. Sometimes that need is just "verbal reassurance." Sometimes it's a request for extra attention or time. Sometimes it's a request for a change in communication -- for more or less of it, either in general or in specific circumstances, possibly on certain topics.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Get tested regularly (at least every 6 months for anyone seeing multiple people). Use agreed-upon protection. Communicate proactively about anything at all that might affect a partner's decision about whether to partake in a certain activity.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

Specifically related to polyamory, I think the biggest mistake I made was thinking I should just be cool with everything. I wanted so badly to be chill. This led to some emotional challenges, but I've got a strategy now that works well. Something I learned over time was that although I don't want anyone to feel like they're keeping secrets, I also am not comfortable with hearing every last detail about a partner's relationship with someone else. I know some of my jealousy triggers by now. And although I have my ways of coping with jealousy, I've also now learned that there are ways to set myself up for success. And so, I've made peace with the fact that "chillness with everything" isn't, in fact, everything, and that having boundaries around the kinds of things I do and don't want to hear about is totally reasonable.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

I am queer -- I am attracted to and date people of various genders. As a bisexual person, I had to get over some internalized polyphobia: bisexual people are culturally trained that the way to be a "good bisexual" is to be monogamous. You know, to combat the stereotype of the greedy bisexual. Well, I'm not monogamous, but I refuse to believe that this means I'm letting down the bisexual community. I learned about the concept of respectability politics recently, which really casts things like this in a helpful light. I don't need to model myself into the kind of bi person who is deemed acceptable to straight (or gay, or even bi) culture: I just need to treat others well. And I do my very best to do that.

Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote? I'm on tumblr as @polythought. 

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