#bogus journey is something else man

[ted-and-bill]

we're going to the desert to be alone

[fernpetals]

Look, if you're having trouble about the request of The Watcher, can you tell me which Keanu movies you've seen so I can think of something else?

Hi, sure, here's the list

All John Wick Movies

All of the The Matrix Movies

Man of Tai Chi

Constantine

Brotherhood of Justice

47 Ronin

Speed

The Gift

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures + Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

Yes, that's it, I have many more to watch but can't seem to get my hands on them or get the time.

[loquaciousquark]

In early 2020, @mystery-moose decided my cinematic education could no longer be allowed to persist with such egregious holes. He and I and @eponymous-rose and @silksieve and @fistfulofgammarays started a discord server to watch movies every Saturday night, and shortly after came @probablylostrightnow and @servantofclio and @jadesabre301 and @annalyia and @bettydice, and suddenly we had something like bottled lightning held in a jar in our hands.

It couldn't have come at a better time--the pandemic struck about a month later--and what started as a way to expand my our horizons has become a precious thing. We've watched movies together, celebrated birthdays together, and we've traveled together too, to Colorado and Chicago and the Grand Canyon and a half-dozen other little gatherings across the entire country.

It's not an easy thing for a bunch of 30-40+'s to get together every week. But we make the time, rain or shine, only missing one single week where all but one of us were traveling, and the joy it's brought me (along with the knowledge of the greatest movie of all time, Kung Fu Hustle) is comparable to nothing else. Today is our slightly delayed three-year anniversary celebration.

Happy movie night anniversary, ya pineapples!

Complete list of movies watched under the cut.

COMPLETE Parasite — 2/17/20 Hot Fuzz — 2/22/20 Airplane! — 2/22/20 Arrival — 2/29/20 Yojimbo — 3/8/20 The Guard — 3/8/20 The Mummy — 3/14/20 Rush Hour — 3/21/20 Rumble in the Bronx — 3/21/20 Edge of Tomorrow — 3/28/20 What We Do In The Shadows — 3/28/20 Twister — 4/4/20 The Matrix — 4/11/20 Haywire — 4/11/20 Rear Window — 4/18/20 The Grand Budapest Hotel — 4/18/20 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon — 4/24/20 Reign of Assassins — 4/25/20 Operation Condor — 4/25/20 Master and Commander — 5/2/20 Kung Fu Hustle — 5/2/20 GAME NIGHT: Betrayal at House on the Hill — 5/9/20 O Brother, Where Art Thou? — 5/16/20 The Fall — 5/24/20 John Wick — 5/30/20 Spider-Man — 5/30/20 Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse — 6/6/20 John Wick 2 — 6/13/20 John Wick 3 — 6/20/20 Annihilation — 6/27/20 Rebecca — 7/4/20 Commando — 7/4/20 Clue — 7/11/20 The Princess Bride — 7/11/20 The Terminator — 7/18/20 Terminator 2: Judgment Day — 7/18/20 The Old Guard — 7/24/20 The Mark of Zorro — 7/24/20 Seven Samurai — 8/1/20 Speed — 8/8/20 Kung Fu Hustle (again) — 8/8/20 The Fifth Element — 8/15/20 Shin Godzilla — 8/15/20 Murder by Death — 8/22/20 Brick — 8/22/20 Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure — 8/29/20 Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey — 8/29/20 Bill and Ted Face the Music — 8/29/20 Black Panther — 9/5/20 The Mandalorian, season one — 9/6/20 Blade Runner — 9/12/20 Blade Runner 2049 — 9/12/20 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang — 9/19/20 Shanghai Noon — 9/19/20 Princess Mononoke — 9/26/20 Blazing Saddles — 9/26/20 Army of Darkness — 10/3/20 Shanghai Knights — 10/3/20 Alien — 10/10/20 Aliens — 10/10/20 Young Frankenstein — 10/17/20 Silent Movie — 10/17/20 One Cut of the Dead — 10/24/20 One Cut of the Dead: Mission: Remote! — 10/25/20 The Shining — 10/31/20 The Village — 10/31/20 Castle in the Sky — 11/7/20 Kiki’s Delivery Service — 11/7/20 RoboCop — 11/14/20 Constantine — 11/14/20 Red Cliff I/II — 11/21/20 Eraser — 11/28/20 Jingle All the Way — 11/28/20 Scrooged — 12/5/20 The Long Kiss Goodnight — 12/5/20 Die Hard — 12/12/20 Galaxy Quest — 12/12/20 Muppet Christmas Carol — 12/19/20 Trapped in Paradise — 12/19/20 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — 12/26/20 The Shop Around the Corner — 12/26/20 The Mandalorian, season two — 12/27/20-1/1/21 Michael Clayton — 1/2/21 The Thing — 1/2/21 Out of Sight — 1/9/21 Star Trek IV: The One With The Whales — 1/9/21 Inside Man — 1/16/21 Johnny Mnemonic — 1/17/21 The Hunt for Red October — 1/23/21 The Iron Giant — 1/23/21 Rise of the Planet of the Apes — 1/30/21 Premium Rush — 1/30/21 Dawn of the Planet of the Apes — 2/6/21 The Blues Brothers — 2/6/21 War for the Planet of the Apes — 2/13/21 Sense and Sensibility — 2/13/21 Parasite (again) — 2/20/21 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Rashomon — 2/27/21 Frequency — 2/27/21 Tron — 3/6/21 Tron Legacy — 3/6/21 Casablanca — 3/13/21 Singin’ in the Rain — 3/13/21 Hard Boiled — 3/20/21 Supercop — 3/20/21 Jaws — 3/27/21 Aquaman — 3/27/21 Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind — 4/3/21 Godzilla vs Kong — 4/3/21 Kong: Skull Island — 4/10/21 Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby — 4/10/21 Point Break — 4/17/21 Liar Liar — 4/17/21 Mortal Kombat (1995) — 4/24/21 Mortal Kombat (2021) — 4/24/21 Much Ado About Nothing — 5/1/21 Tremors — 5/1/21 Star Trek Beyond — 5/8/21 Dredd —5/8/21 A League of Their Own — 5/15/21 Spirited Away — 5/15/21 Tropic Thunder — 5/22/21 Police Story — 5/22/21 Ocean’s Eleven — 5/29/21 Catch Me If You Can — 5/29/21 Batman (Adam West) — 6/5/21 A Fish Called Wanda — 6/5/21 In the Heights — 6/12/21 Seven Brides for Seven Brothers — 6/12/21 School of Rock — 6/19/21 Horse Feathers — 6/19/21 Love and Monsters — 6/26/21 Duck Soup — 6/26/21 Independence Day — 7/3/21 Men in Black — 7/3/21 All About Eve — 7/10/21 Attack the Block — 7/10/21 Godzilla: Final Wars — 7/17/21 Speed Racer — 7/17/21 The Truman Show — 7/24/21 My Cousin Vinny — 7/24/21 The Mask of Zorro — 7/31/21 Pirates of the Caribbean — 7/31/21 A Knight’s Tale — 8/7/21 The Rocketeer — 8/7/21 The Suicide Squad — 8/14/21 Sing Street — 8/14/21 The Green Knight — 8/21/21 The Scarlet Pimpernel — 8/21/21 Cloud Atlas — 8/28/21 Ocean’s Thirteen — 9/4/21 The Birdcage — 9/4/21 Inception — 9/18/21 Bruce Almighty — 9/18/21 Atomic Blonde — 9/25/21 Signs — 9/25/21 Get Out — 10/2/21 Us — 10/2/21 Tucker and Dale vs Evil — 10/9/21 Shaun of the Dead — 10/9/21 Resolution — 10/16/21 The Endless — 10/16/21 Hocus Pocus — 10/23/21 The Invisible Man — 10/23/21 Bram Stoker’s Dracula — 10/30/21 Sleepy Hollow — 10/30/21 Dune — 11/6/21 Shang Chi and the Etc. — 11/13/21 Hero — 11/13/21 Mr. and Mrs. Smith — 11/20/21 Edge of Tomorrow (repeat) — 11/20/21 Tenet — 11/27/21 Primer — 11/27/21 Back to the Future — 12/4/21 Cowboy Bebop: The Movie — 12/4/21 The Lion in Winter — 12/11/21 Back to the Future Part 2 — 12/11/21 Home Alone — 12/18/21 Back to the Future Part 3 — 12/18/21 The Matrix Reloaded — 12/25/21 Fargo — 1/1/22 Strangers on a Train — 1/1/22 Birds of Prey — 1/8/22 Shazam! — 1/8/22 Howl’s Moving Castle — 1/15/22 Sneakers — 1/15/22 Rocky — 1/22/22 Rocky II — 1/22/22 The Best Years of Our Lives — 1/29/22 The Thin Man — 1/29/22 Groundhog Day — 2/5/22 Finding Forrester — 2/5/22 An Affair to Remember — 2/12/22 Sleepless in Seattle — 2/12/22 Snowpiercer — 2/19/22 (SECOND ANNIVERSARY!)

Stranger Than Fiction — 2/19/22 Moonstruck — 2/26/22 CODA — 3/5/22 Legally Blonde — 3/5/22 West Side Story — 3/12/22 Miss Congeniality — 3/12/22 Turning Red — 3/19/22 Demolition Man — 3/19/22 North by Northwest — 3/26/22 Collateral — 3/26/22 Spider-Man: No Way Home — 4/2/22 The Rock — 4/9/22 Moonstruck (Silk commentary) — 4/9/22 Batman (1989) — 4/16/22 Batman Returns — 4/16/22 The Batman — 4/23/22 Batman v. Superman Colon Dawn of Justice Colon Ultimate Edition — 4/30/22 Apollo 13 — 5/7/22 Jupiter Ascending — 5/7/22 The Martian — 5/14/22 Spy x Family (episode 1-4) — 5/14/22 Everything Everywhere All At Once — 5/21/22 Venom 2 — 5/21/22 Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022) — 5/28/22 (edited) Spy x Family (episode 8) — 5/29/22 To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar — 6/4/22 Fire Island — 6/4/22 Heat — 6/11/22 My Neighbor Totoro — 6/11/22 HIATUS FOR CHICAGO — 6/18/22 RRR — 6/25/22 Spy x Family (episode 12) — 6/25/22 National Treasure — 7/2/22 The Lost City — 7/2/22 Face/Off — 7/9/22 Twin Dragons — 7/9/22 Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes — 7/16/22 Mission: Impossible — 7/16/22 Detective Pikachu — 7/23/22 Crazy, Stupid, Love. — 7/23/22 Fateful Findings — 7/23/22 The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent — 7/30/22 Con Air — 7/30/22 12 Angry Men — 8/6/22 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington — 8/6/22 Prey — 8/13/22 Newsies — 8/13/22 The Godfather — 8/20/22 Analyze This — 8/20/22 Top Gun — 8/27/22 Bridesmaids — 8/27/22 Top Gun: Maverick — 9/3/22 Crazy Rich Asians — 9/3/22 Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol — 9/10/22 Booksmart — 9/10/22 Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation — 9/17/22 The Rescue — 9/17/22 Mission: Impossible - Fallout — 9/24/22 The Descent — 10/1/22 Hocus Pocus 2 — 10/8/22 How to Marry a Millionaire — 10/8/22 Beetlejuice — 10/15/22 Deadstream — 10/15/22 The Birds — 10/22/22 Arsenic and Old Lace — 10/22/22 It Follows — 10/29/22 It — 10/29/22 Godzilla 2000 — 11/5/22 Kung Fu Hustle (third time) — 11/5/22 Terminator: Dark Fate — 11/12/22 The Heroic Trio — 11/12/22 Raise the Red Lantern — 11/19/22 The Artist — 11/19/22 Knives Out (again) — 11/26/22 Muppet Treasure Island — 11/26/22 Titan A.E. — 11/26/22 Pacific Rim — 12/3/22 Hot Fuzz (again) — 12/10/22 Plan 9 From Outer Space — 12/10/22 Elf — 12/17/22 Spirited — 12/17/22 Violent Night — 12/24/22 The Muppet Christmas Carol (complete) — 12/24/22 Glass Onion — 12/31/22 Death on the Nile (1978) — 1/7/23 Who Framed Roger Rabbit? — 1/7/23 NOPE — 1/14/23 Treasure Planet — 1/14/23 Sabrina — 1/21/23 Tarzan — 1/21/23 Twister (happy birthday Meso!) — 1/28/23 Double Indemnity — 1/28/23 Tár — 2/4/23 Atlantis: The Lost Empire — 2/4/23 The Raid: Redemption — 2/11/23 Puss in Boots: The Last Wish — 2/11/23 The Passion of Joan of Arc —2/18/23 The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T — 2/18/23 Dangerous Liaisons — 2/25/23 Moulin Rouge! — 2/25/23

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

The Greatest Warrior

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/DxhRAl8

by CaptainOmniverse

Living with 10 sisters, Lincoln was used to crazy things happening to him. But this- this was something else.

Turns out he really was adopted (that story about the First Lady bringing him to the world was bogus, now that he thinks about it!) and his parents were in fact aliens, part of an ancient warrior race known as the Saiyans which has long since died out. With the help of his family, both blood and adopted, his mentors and his friends, he will embark on an epic journey to surpass his limits, restore the honor of his race and become the greatest warrior to ever live.

Oh, and maybe get the girl. Or girls.

Words: 5814, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Loud House (Cartoon), Dragon Ball, Justice League - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat - All Media Types, King of Fighters, Dead or Alive (Video Games), Killer Instinct (Video Games), Fairy Tail, ワンパンマン | One-Punch Man, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Highschool DxD (Anime), Bleach (Anime & Manga), Ben 10 Series, Generator Rex, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, Kim Possible (Cartoon), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Avatar: Legend of Korra, Godzilla - All Media Types, RWBY

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Lincoln Loud, Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Broly (Dragon Ball), Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Diana Prince

Relationships: Lincoln Loud/Everyone, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne/Rei Todoroki, Chi-Chi/Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Lynn Loud Sr./Rita Loud, Midoriya Izuku/Uraraka Ochako, Asia Argento/Hyoudou Issei, Arisawa Tatsuki/Kurosaki Ichigo, Ben Tennyson/Julie Yamamoto, Circe/Rex Salazar, Natsu Dragneel/Lisanna Strauss, Broly/Sid Chang, Lincoln Loud & Son Goku, Lincoln Loud & Broly, Lincoln Loud & Justice League

Additional Tags: Multiple Crossovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Harem

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/DxhRAl8

[ao3feed-gochi]

The Greatest Warrior

by CaptainOmniverse

Living with 10 sisters, Lincoln was used to crazy things happening to him. But this- this was something else.

Turns out he really was adopted (that story about the First Lady bringing him to the world was bogus, now that he thinks about it!) and his parents were in fact aliens, part of an ancient warrior race known as the Saiyans which has long since died out. With the help of his family, both blood and adopted, his mentors and his friends, he will embark on an epic journey to surpass his limits, restore the honor of his race and become the greatest warrior to ever live.

Oh, and maybe get the girl. Or girls.

Words: 2458, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Loud House (Cartoon), Dragon Ball, Justice League - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat - All Media Types, King of Fighters, Dead or Alive (Video Games), Killer Instinct (Video Games), Fairy Tail, ワンパンマン | One-Punch Man, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Highschool DxD (Anime), Bleach (Anime & Manga), Ben 10 Series, Generator Rex, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, Kim Possible (Cartoon), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Avatar: Legend of Korra, Godzilla - All Media Types, RWBY

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Lincoln Loud, Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Broly (Dragon Ball), Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Diana Prince

Relationships: Lincoln Loud/Everyone, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne/Rei Todoroki, Chi-Chi/Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Lynn Loud Sr./Rita Loud, Midoriya Izuku/Uraraka Ochako, Asia Argento/Hyoudou Issei, Arisawa Tatsuki/Kurosaki Ichigo, Ben Tennyson/Julie Yamamoto, Circe/Rex Salazar, Natsu Dragneel/Lisanna Strauss, Broly/Sid Chang, Lincoln Loud & Son Goku, Lincoln Loud & Broly, Lincoln Loud & Justice League

Additional Tags: Multiple Crossovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Harem

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43533930

[cosmicoceanfic]

“Taako,” Edward says as Taako puts his hand on the wheel. “We’ve had a little confab, and-“

“Confab?” Merle interrupts. “Isn’t that a little conference room-y?”

“Like Wolf of Wall Street?” Magnus adds. “Did you guys see Wolf of Wall Street?”

“Er, yes. A little too, a little too long for us.”

“Yeah, I kinda felt like it was just a redo of Goodfellas, too.” Merle shrugs. “Goodfellas was good enough on its own, y’know?”

“Yes, definitely, definitely not Scorsese’s best work. Taako?”

“Speaking,” Taako answers, trying not to feel the conspicuous lack of hit points too hard.

“We’ve been having ourselves a little think, and we want to make you a very special offer.”

“Yes,” Lydia chimes in. “We’ve never given this option to anyone journeying through Wonderland before, but we just can’t resist.”

“Hit me,” he answers wearily. “Maybe not literally. Cha boy is hurting.”

“We are going to allow you to opt out of the wheel and instead answer this very simple, very easy question.”

“You see, Taako, Edward and I are, mm, rather taken with your fetching umbrella there.”

Taako blinks, looking down at the Umbra Staff, dread growing in his stomach. “Okay.”

“That’s why we’re offering you the choice of a lifetime: you can take a penalty or you can give us that tasty little treasure.”

“Penalty,” Taako answers, only aware that he’s saying so halfway through the word coming out of his mouth.

“Taako,” Magnus mutters. “Taako, a penalty might kill you.”

“I don’t care, just means I get my Sunday afternoons back. I’m fine. Taako’s good out here. Penalty me.”

“Taako,” Merle says. “We’ll buy you a new umbrella. Real nice one.”

“Nope. I’m good. All good for Taako. I said it, I meant it, let’s move on. Hit me with that bad boy.”

There’s an almost disconcerting silence punctuated by Edward and Lydia muttering to each other. Taako grips the Umbra Staff in his slightly sweaty palm.

“We’re prepared to up the ante,” Edward says.

“Whatever you have, I don’t want it.”

“Are you sure? We think you might.”

A little 8 bit cartoon of a bell floats in front of them, placidly turning in a steady circle. Taako swallows.

“What,” he says, in an attempt at breezy. “Something Pac-Man could eat? No, thank you. Grossarooni.”

“If you give us the staff,” Lydia says. “We will give you the Animus Bell.”

Taako’s hands are shaking. He looks down at the handle of the Staff and is a little surprised to see he’s white knuckling it.

“No more fighting,” Edward tells him. “No more choices. Everybody’s happy.”

He thinks he’s gonna throw up. He swallows, staring at the handle.

“Taako,” Merle says. “This seems like a reeeeeeally good deal.”

Taako’s mouth works. He doesn’t know how to vocalize what he’s feeling. He doesn’t even know what it is he’s feeling at all. This is my last piece of- he thinks before the thought is unceremoniously cut off. He doesn’t know what it’s the last piece of but they can’t have it. They’re not allowed to touch it.

“Taako?” Magnus has his cautiously steady voice on, which is never a good sign. “You good?”

Taako looks up at them helplessly. Both their brows are furrowed but Magnus is looking off into the corner at something else, staring intently.

“Hey,” Merle says suddenly. “You didn’t say we could take it with us.”

“Beg pardon?” Edward asks.

“The Bell. You didn’t say we could take it with us, you just said Taako could have it. So does he get to leave with it?”

“Well-“

“I mean, kinda bogus, isn’t it? You’re asking him to give something up when really, you get to keep both things.”

“Yeah,” Magnus says, finally pulling his attention off from the corner. “Yeah, I’m with Merle. This is bullshit.”

Taako, decisively, sits down.

“Taako?” Lydia asks. “What are- what are you doing?”

“I mean, if I die in here, you can just take it off my corpse, right? No harm no foul. So why would I give it to you now? So I’m just gonna stop playing.”

“That’s not… really an option, Taako-“

“I can sit here in this room forever,” he interrupts. “And be miserable but not like, that miserable. Or I can spin that wheel, and keep going, and get even more miserable, and eventually, probably, uh, pretty soon, I’ll die, and you can have it then, what do I give a shit, I’m dead.”

“Yeah.” Magnus sits on one side of Taako. “Yeah, I’m with Taako. No easy outs.”

“I like easy outs,” Merle says, sitting on Taako’s other side. “But this doesn’t seem like it’s it, so, y’know, I’m with him, too.”

“I will say,” Taako adds. “I will be exponentially more miserable with these two thugs here with me for all eternity, just gonna be a real downer, so maybe it’s a more difficult decision for you than not.”

“Gee, thanks,” Merle grumbles. Magnus doesn’t blink.

Edward and Lydia mumble again, then fall silent.

“You still want that job opportunity?” Lydia asks.

“I mean, I think I’m good. Love your style, real Zoolander shit, but I’m gonna have to pass on that one.”

“Bummer.” She sighs softly. “Spin the wheel, Taako.”

All three of them get up and Taako approaches the wheel, feeling profoundly, inordinately grateful that the Unbra Staff, for now, remains in his hand and, a little surprisingly, grateful to the two chucklefucks standing on either side of him.

For a bizarre moment, he thinks the Staff might be a little grateful too.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Thoughts on Bella Swan? I don’t think she deserves the amount of hate she gets. I’m living for Blue Moon and Carlisle and Bella’s Bogus Journey, love your stories!!!

I actually just responded to a PM about that so rather than rant again I’ll simply copy and paste my response here. Yay recycling!

 -

Personally? I think people give Bella very little credit as a character. But oh man, where to even start. Bella's full of personality but suffers from cripplingly low self-esteem and, later, depression. Bella's home life with her mother before the series begins is complicated and not the best. It's not abusive, or anything, but it's heavily implied that Renee is a very self-centered person who never really grew up and never should have been raising a daughter. As a result, Bella's this odd mix of having to take care of adult responsibilities such as shopping, paying the bills, budgeting the finances, and planning anything of importance but also being a child. More to the point, Bella grows up feeling that she's worth less than those around her (especially her mother) as she reputedly has the personality of a boring old man. This is something her mother is cited as telling Bella frequently, Bella's responsible and thus boring. Bella loves her mother deeply and doesn't see the issues with any of this (having cripplingly low self esteem) but it leaves its mark on her. Important to remember is that while Bella (and Edward) believes she's this independent very mature almost adult like figure, she isn't. Sure, she takes care of a lot of adult responsibilities earlier than her peers, and she's a fairly bright character, but she very much acts like a seventeen-year-old girl. She's overdramatic, she feels horrifyingly awkward and has this distorted perception of herself (Bella adamantly believes she isn't attractive), she tends not to think decisions through or consider the lives and feelings of others for all she isn't a bad person, there are worrying cues in the relationships she enters that a seventeen-year-old would miss but a twenty-something-year-old probably wouldn't. Cue Edward. Edward, the prettiest boy Bella's ever seen in her life, who famously shows interest in no one and nothing becomes obsessed with her. Bella, for the first time in her life, is special to this wonderful special boy. She falls deeply into puppy love and cements her entire self-worth on this idea that somehow, despite how boring and clumsy and stupid she is, Edward loves her. This, of course, makes it all the more devastating when he leaves her in the most callous manner he can. Bella is not only worthless again she's worth even less than she was before Edward came into her life. Bella drowns in depression, attempts to kill herself (though never acknowledges this was what she was doing), and only manages to claw her way out of depression again when Edward's suddenly back in her life and interested in her again. Bella dives head first back into their relationship, terrified that he'll leave her and she'll enter that black pit again, and then the rest of the series happens. Point being, I wouldn't call Bella bland at all. She's what I would expect from a precocious high school girl with dangerously low self-esteem who unwittingly ends up in the worst situation she can. Beyond that, she has a very pragmatic and quirky outlook on life, routinely making these strange and often ridiculous decisions that internally make sense but confound the world around her. For example, one time Bella convinces herself she can win a battle with a vampire if she stabs herself: it doesn't work. I think people tend to think of her as bland, whiny, and boring because... well, I hate to say this, but it's because everyone else does. Twilight's the cool thing to hate on, Bella especially, and people can say "Man, isn't it stupid how Bella just acts like a zombie for an entire novel? She's a park bench" (that these are also the same people who claim they are fully supportive of those with mental health issues, such as depression, often worries me). But yes, that's my two cents on Bella.

[vemuabhi]

GHOST CONTRACT

Pairing : Eustass Kidd X Captain! Ghost! Reader

Requested by PalmTV (wattpad)

Warnings : A slight bit of Angst but mostly fluff, mention of blood and needle

Summary : Kidd tries to summon a sprit on an island very popular for its hauntings. As nothing happens he just calls it bull and continues his journey. But on verge of death, the sprit comes and saves him. Turns out, the sprit is a very powerful Captain when they were alive. Slowly Kidd and Reader fall in love but, will they be able to stay together?

A/N : I hope you like it. Eustass is one of my favourite and this is a new concept.

"So, if we just do what you said, we could summon the sprit. Am i right?", Kidd asked his first mate who just finished his explanation on how to summon the ghost captain.

Kidd Pirates docked on a very well known island which was apparently haunted by sprits of a deadly pirate crew who died in a battle on the island. Its been many years since that incident and its famous to perform contracts with the sprits. Its considered a myth and no one truly knows if its true or not.

"Kidd, I don't know of its true or not, but its really famous for people trying to summon sprits. But it needs to be precise. Even a second difference can make the complete thing not work itseems", said the masked man to his red head captain as everyone drank booze in the bar.

"Seems interesting. Rven though I don't believe in that kind of sprits and stuff", scoffed Kidd as he chugged the remaining booze from his glass.

At sharp 3 am, the captain and his firstmate went to the lake where the summoning should be taken place. Kidd stood close to the water and Killer kept close look at the pocket watch. Kidd took a needle from his metallic arm and slowly pierced it on his index finger till he saw a drop of his blood.

Killer kept looking at the pocket watch and as soon as he saw it was 3:13 he exclaimed, "Now!", then Kidd shook his finger making the blood fall into the lake.

They waited curiously for a minute. 'Anytime from now', kidd thought as he waited for another 5 minutes... and another..... and another.

Its been more than 15 minutes and Kidd was already getting irritated. "Bogus bull, Lets go Killer", he walked as his masked mate followed him behind.

"Tsk... even though I didn't believe it, I wanted something to happen", Kidd whined as Killer just sighed in response.

The next day Kidd Pirates continued their journey to another island. The weather was good and the path was clear. Just when the crew thought they won't be having any obstacles, suddenly they felt a yellow beam shoot their ship.

Kidd and Killer looked in the direction from where the beam came and saw that there was a big Marine boat with the Navy Admiral Kizaru on it. They were really far away from the marine ship but how accurately Kizaru shot the beam made the crew tense a bit, but that wasn't the case with the captain.

Kidd smiled widely and was ready to tackle and fight Kizaru. Soon everyone began to fight with the marines and Kidd started to fight with Kizaru. He was more stronger now but, Kizaru wasn't the Navy Admiral for nothing. After fighting for a while, Kizaru shot Kidd near his heart, making the latter feel immense pain. His Blood was all around him.

"KIDDD!!", shouted the masked mate as he saw his captain so hurt.

Just when Kizaru was about to step on Kidd, he felt a strong force hold him back, he wasn't able to move.

Within seconds all the marines were thrown off the Victoria Punk. Kizaru tried really hard to stop the force but... he couldn't. It was immensely powerful. Atlast after trying so much to not fall into the sea, Kizaru's efforts ended in vain. He was thrown. A marine soldier caught Kizaru when he was drowning. The admiral gasped for air then a fellow marine said "What did just happen? It was incredible power". To which Kizaru answered, "It definitely... wasn't one of the Kidd Pirates. They were really injured and there wasn't anyone who was like that on the pirate ship", he took a deep breath then continued, "Anyway, lets retreat for now". With that the marines went back.

Kidd was treated as some of the other members repaired the ship and some cleaned the place.

"What exactly happened?", heat asked Killer who was also thinking the same as they waited for their captain wake up. "I honestly don't know. Not to sound silly but...It was as if... magic?", replied Killer. Then it hit him. The summoning of the sprit. Then his captain woke up bringing the blond out of his thoughts. Kidd sat with the help of Killer and then he saw an unfamiliar person, in the corner of the room. He noticed that you had (hair colour) hair and had (eye colour) sharp eyes.

"Who the hell are you?", Kidd asked you as he looked straight into your eyes.

"Firstly introduce yourself", you replied stearnly making him girt his teeth.

"Whats wrong Kidd?", Killer asked Kid with worry.

"Huh?", Kidd questioned and said, "That person right there", he said making Heat and Killer confused.

"Oh, by the way, you can only see me. No one else", you said, now making Kidd confused.

You raised your eyebrow and asked him, "Don't tell me you forgot the fight with the marines and your near death experience".

After you mentioned it, Kidd's thoughts became more clear. Yes, there was something wrong with that battle. He knew it was not normal.

"That was by me", you said making your way towards the red head. You passed through Heat while you came towards the captain. He was shocked to see you do that.

Heat gasped making Killer hold the latters shoulder.

"What's wrong Heat?", tbe blond asked as he held Heats shoulder evenmore tightly.

"I... i don't know... I... just felt like a very cold shiver ran through my body for a second", he admitted.

"What did you do to him?", Kidd asked you making the other two give him puzzled expression.

"He is fine. Just tell him to sleep for now and ask them to leave if you wanna talk to me", you said to Kidd as you sat on a chair beside Kidd.

"You both, leave for now. Heat take rest.", Kidd ordered and the two men left the room. He turned towards you and asked, "Now tell me who are you? Im Eustass Kidd, the captain of this pirate group".

"Oh, Kidd, I am Y/N, I'm the captain of the (crew name) pirates", you said.

"But... I heard that",

"We died", you finished his sentence as you looked down. You sighed and said, "We died during a fight near an island and... I... was the only one who didn't find... peace. I guess I... am being punished", you said as you fake chuckled and looked at him.

"So, you are here and are visible to me, because I summoned you?", he asked and you nodded. He smirked and said, "So now you are to submit to me".

"Over my body", you said.

"You are already dead", he wined

"I don't care. I won't submit. Its not how I am", you straightened your back.

"Tch... how arrogant", he sighed then continued, "So... how about an alliance?"

"An alliance... thats sounds good", you smiled at him making his heart skip a beat.

'What the hell was that', Kidd thought then said, "Dont.. Dont betray me!"

You stood up and came closer to him, making him gulp. "I will never betray you Kidd", you said seriously as you looked deep into his eyes. He got a warm feeling when you said it and then he averted his eyes from you.

"Okay", he said with his cheeks turned pink.

"Awww, are you blushing. So adorable", you started to tease him as he shouted at you to stop doing that.

Its been a very long time since someone talked to you or looked at you. So that emotion hit you suddenly. "Hey.. hey.. what.. what happened?", he asked you.

Then you noticed that were crying. This was a pleasant feeling for you.

"Nothing to worry about", you wiped your tears and continued, "its just that... its been a very, very long time since someone talked to me".

He didn't make fun of you. He just stared at you silently. You regained your composture and smiled at him.

Kidd confessed everything to Killer and given everything which happened before, and also with his analysis, he believed every word of Kidd.

You said and did funny things while Kid was with everyone making it hard for him to hold his laughter. Sometimes you teased him and made him super embarrassed. You got yourself a... friend, who you could talk to now. So you were really happy.

When Kidd was with Killer, he was more free when talking to you or laughing out loud. Because Killer knew about you and he sometimes joined in the conversation. Kid would repeat your lines to Killer and in that way, sometimes you and Killer talked using Kidd. For which he would get pissed off a lot. You slowly fell in love with Kidd but didn't confess. Because he was a human and you were a sprit. You wanted him to be with someone, who can touch him, whom he can show to other people, with whom he could laugh out loudly without any obstacles and mostly a person who could become old with him. So you tried to avoid it as much as possible. Little did you know, Kidd was also in love with you and every time he saw a shooting star he wished you to be able to touch you. Not in a perverted way ofcourse. He really wanted to hug you and protect you. But he didn't say his feelings. He wanted to achieve his goal before doing that.

With you being invisible, had so many advantages. If anyone was plotting against Kidd, you'd tell it to him first and let him and Killer take action. You didnt need to sleep, so took the night shift every night and let everyone sleep peacefully, as you took care of the ship.

After some years and the end of the journey of Kidd pirates, he confessed that be liked you. His cheeks turned into his hair colour when he did it. You became so happy and said you felt the same making his smile widen. You then felt something in your body. As if something was changing.

"Y/N you are glowing. What is happening?", he asked you.

"I... i don't know", you said with a worried expression. He came towards you and tried to touch you. Your eyes widened as he was astounded. He was able to touch you. You were able to feel his warm hand on your skin. He was as amazed as you were. He pulled you into his embrace as he held you close. You could hear his heart beating fast. You could feel him. You could touch him. He then kissed you on your lips and you returned his love. Then your body stopped glowing. But you were still in his arms. You both were scared to let go, as if you won't be able to touch him after you let him go. Then you both heard a sound. You both looked at the source and it was none other than Killer. He dropped his weapon on the ground. His mask didn't show what expression he was having.

So you said to Kidd, "Ask him, what happened".

"I can see you, Y/N", the blond replied.

"What? Are you? Serious?", you asked him. Killer came closer to you and placed his hand on your head. He... he was also able to touch you. Your eyes widened as his hand made contact with your hair.

"Y/N, are you now alive? You are even breathing", he said making you realise that indeed. You were breathing now. Like a normal human being. Your eyes welled up and you hugged Kidd. He was so excited to just touch you and now you were... alive somehow. What miracle was that.

Killer joined you two and you three gave a group hug. "I can become old with Kidd and lead a simple life. Atlast you are able to see me Killer. I wanted to talk to you without involving Kidd everytime", you said as you squeezed them two tightly.

"Apparently... your strength is the... same", Killer said making you laugh. You were now alive again. Another chance at life was given to you. So you were very grateful. You appreciated and loved every single moment with Kidd. You treasured all the moments deeply. And for the first time, you could talk directly to Killer. So you thanked every moring you woke up from the sleep you missed. You smiled more brightly and were more happy than before.

XOXOXOXO

I hope you Liked it.

If you want to support me please Like, Comment and Reblog / tag people. Thankyou for reading.

[thehollowprince]

So... it's been over a year since Endgame and I thought I'd reexamine my opinions on it. Maybe I just needed some time to let it digest? Maybe I won't be so negative about it after some time to think on it. And I'm here to report that... no! Its just as bad (if not worse) than I remember.

Now, anyone who has followed me for any length of time knows that when I'm criticizing the MCU, particularly the Avengers films, I'm talking about Steve Rogers and his "arc". I've made no bones about how I felt about what they did to him and I stand by that opinion. Endgame completely assassinated Steve Rogers as a character, taking a man who by his own admission, if he "sees a situation heading south, he can't ignore it" (written and directed by the same idiots) and stick him back in the Good Old Days where he knows how bad everything is and how bad it's going to get.

The real kicker with that is the fact that the writers/directors who came up with the whole time travel nonsense can't even agree on how it works. Either Steve's bogus journey created an entire new timeline as was badly explained (despite not making any sense whatsoever) in the movie itself, or he was always a part of this universe, which is just further killing of all his characterization since his first appearance. If he created a new timeline, he either spent the rest of his life fixing the wrongs that he knew were going to happen (completely obliterating the fact that they wanted him to "retire" or he woke the Other Steve up and made him "save the world" while he kicked back and let everyone else fight the good fight without him, a clear contradiction of his character. The other option was that he was in this timeline the whole time, living in plain sight as Peggy's husband, despite her being in the espionage business, meaning she would have been watched, even if only for her own protection. But apparently no one noticed how similar her husband looked to America's Greatest Hero? It also just doubles down on the fact that Steve let everything that happened, happen again, despite knowing he could do something about it that would save many lives. That's not something Steve would ever do.

What really makes this whole situation worse is the fandom reaction to that ending. We were still divided after Civil War, and this movie went and divided the fandom yet again. Either you liked Steve's ending or you "weren't a true fan"/"pissed because your ship didn't happen". These same fans who called out the Russos and M&M for years, who called out the horrible writing in Endgame itself when it came to almost every other character, suddenly didn't care when it came to Steve Rogers. That's where the joke came from that they were the new Tony stans. They didn't care how/why Steve got his happy ending, as long as he got his happy ending, even if it spit in the face of everything that came before.

The thing is, the ending wouldn't have been so bad if there had been any semblance of foreshadowing. There was nothing for several movies that suggested that Steve never got over Peggy. The first time he really mentions her in a romantic sense after The First Avenger was in Engame itself, where he hijacked a support meeting for those who lost loved ones in the Snap to talk about a woman who died two years before the Snap happened from old age. The entire thing was a last minute decision to remove Steve Rogers entirely because Chris' contract was up.

I maintain that Steve should have just retired in the modern world, maybe got some actual therapy, and rest, knowing that he wasn't alone anymore and that there were others to help save the day so that he didn't have to do it alone. Would have opened up a possiblity for a return (because apparently Chris misses the role already) in a future team-up movie, where Steve swoopes in to save Sam with a "Captain America needed my help"

[kaypeace21]

do you think it’s possible sarah (hoppers daughter) was an early-formed alter that went dormant before the events of season one? it’d make a lot of sense with how much of hoppers arc in season one was him mourning her and channeling that grief into protecting will (which would make sense since he seems like a protecter to both will and el). love your posts!☺️

Yep . :D

I already discussed all of this in the original did post - how sarah was a “little” (kid ) alter. And how hopper was a protector /introject alter. I also discussed her going dormant as a major possibility in my did theory. My assumption is she either (a) “became dormant” like some alters do- aka they are “gone” sometimes for many years but can return . And this can happen in a myriad of ways - sometimes alters go dormant after they had a simulated death in the inner world . theoretically sarah had such a Death. And so did El. Death isn’t really a permanent thing for alters ...they usually will come back or stay dormant - unless the body of the host dies (or they integrate) . They can’t really die . I think it’s very possible she comes back and Hopper while exploring the various innerworlds of Will’s minds (like the Russian one, the memory scapes , etc ) reunites/ finds her . look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come”  a guy with the guidance of his dead kid explore a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of  kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’. in  Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind and needs to help him escape the many different Ievels of the dream worlds.The in inception who made the worlds- had dad issues. 'the cell’also had alternate dimensions of a man's mind that a cop explored ( the dimensions were created by a man who was ab*sed by his dad). Movies like inception, matrix, Truman show, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, and welcome to marwen  also allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears.Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz quote “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore.While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and not in “actual Russia.” Before seeing the other segments of the innerworlds with sarah. Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage,  , his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” 

In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners  r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the Anerican soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand, slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is  flashbacks of his life- will hint he’s an alter of Will’s-the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see). And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . For instance in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. It accounts of Billy Pilgrim's capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II, and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy's life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians  (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.

  And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of th west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas). Or ‘in the cell’- every villain from the alternate-mind- dimensions is played by same actor in diff makeup. Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life/past -as a way to show Will’s past tr*uma.

Like also-look at Sarah’s tiger plushie! In chinese mythology/culture: “The tiger is personified by the constellation Orion (interesting given Sara’s interest in space/blackholes). The tiger represents protection over human life (hmm?). Tiger charms were used to keep away evil and disease (that’s awful ironic if she died in the manner she did). In Buddhism, wearing tiger skins during meditations was believed to bring protection from spiritual interference and potential harm while exploring astral dimensions.” HMMMMMMMMM  XD

Kali in the stranger things novel ‘Suspicious Minds’ says…

“I was named after a goddess. She wore a tiger skin and was fierce in battle.”

Then Kali says to Alice (a women who can see future visions): “I love you, Alice. We can be tigers together.”This parallel (in relation to Alice) is fascinating because Kali actually uses her powers to fake Alice’s death- and to trick Dr. Brenner, and allow Alice to escape. The allusion was so realistic, that Terry could even touch the ‘dead’ Alice.

So the tiger symbolism could be a HUGE hint- that Sarah’s death was simulated and she’ll come back and travel the innerworlds/alternate dimensions of Will’s mind (as Hopper’s guide). Hopper about sarah “galaxies the universe-she always understood that stuff.”

Another possibility (theory b) is she integrated with another alter or with Will (which means she can’t return) .Hopper saying about Sarah “the black hole it got her.” Could imply she integrated with the mf/shadow monster? And ,or maybe she will later ?

But... I lean heavily to theory (a) the most , though.

Obviously sarah has a lot of the connections to Will. will and Sarah both being into science, Sarah winning a spelling bee, Will winning the science fair, both being connected to tigers. Both hallucinating something no one else can see and people trying to snap the 2 out of what they’re viewing. Joyce saying as a witch she’ll eat Will. Parallels Hopper saying as an ogre he’ll eat sarah. Hopper, in s1, when seeing Will (with a vine in his mouth) has a flashback of Sarah on a mouth respirator. And he also has a flashback of Sarah when seeing Will’s lion plushie which resembled Sarah’s tiger plushie. And el also had a lion plushie-like Will’s in s1. Hopper monitored both Will and Sarah at the hospital when they were “dying”. Will has a fear of clowns- and Sarah’s hospital gown had clowns on them. All 3 kids draw.

Plus, we all know the parallels of Will to El (Hopper’s new daughter).

I discussed in my did theory that Hopper (as an adult alter) is a form of protector to all the kid alters - el, Sarah, and Will (host/core). And Hopper as an introject-alter (who are alters based on a person the child knows ) are usually put in the system cause the kid assumes that person could protect them . And since original-Hopper was a police man (a little kid could easily assume that). Although, because he’s a “father figure” for the system he has some of Lonnie’s traits- which are reflected in other perpetrator alters/ bad npcs in the system- Brenner, Neil, Billy, the evil’s Russians,etc . So sometimes he acts similar to a Perpetrator alter too . And I listed those examples/bad parallels extensively in the original did post (linked in the beginning).

And I used these quotes from psych papers in my original did post to pretty much sum up Hopper’s use in Will’s system .

“Introjects can also be based off of  figures that the dissociative child found strong, courageous, heroic, or otherwise worthy of being emulated and internalized and could theoretically protect them.”

“Older adult alters are created to serve a nurturing or parenting role, thus serving as a protector. (*protecting Will/el) . However, sometimes their older age is related to taking on the identification of the ab*ser and can therefore take on any of the other more hostile roles too ... Introjects which are mimicking ab*sers are trying to "keep you inline" in order to protect you from external ab*sers. They are copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, s*dism or imm*rality of the actual perpetrators.”

I think it pretty much sums up the nuances and motivations of Hopper’s character.

Thanks for the ask, anon :)

[popculturebuffet]

Legend of the Three Cablleros: Nazca Racing and Mexico A-Go-Go

Saludos Amgios and welcome back to The Ride of the Three Caballeros! And we’re almost at the finish line! After this reviews only 4 episodes, 2 reviews and a top 12 list/celebration of this long and fun as hell journey, this one for free to thank kev for paying for all these reviews and because without him this probably woudlnt’ of happened for some time and I thank him for that. Point is we’re so close I can taste it to being finished here so with nothing else to cover, after the cut we’re diving right into adventure.. literally. 

Nazca Racing: 

So we open at the outside of Sheldgoose Manor as while we’re not at the scene of the action YET, the show has kept it’s tendency to have intresting intros as it goes on. Point is Xandra is incredulous about the guys claims of a magic barrier.. for some reason. Seriously Sheldrake is a powerful sorecerer, has a lair, even if they don’t know about that part, why WOULDN’T his place be shielded from you guys? Still she has to test it punchiing it , arrowing it and throwing a rock at it.. and the rock does take out a window prove it even if i’ts vandalism but that wasn’t a crime thousands of years ago and no one saw them so we good. 

Our heroes brainstorm back at the Cabana what to do, ignoring the girls suggestion that since the cabs can’t get through the barrier they can but are ignored because ... I dunno. I seriously dont’ know, they haven’t treated the kids like this before or since. Also if you were wondering why not humphrey, spark of life. Too risky. But this discourse is interupted as there’s a signal in peru. The trap has been sprung and the girls warn it might be since they KNOW the cabs will show up where they are and have time to plan but are brushed off. We also get the start of a thread with Jose as he gives all his money to some kittens who are actually con artists. Turns out that’s WHY he’s poor: he gets money easily but donates it all to bogus charities. You know like Louie’s kids or PETA. It’s a nice character trait, showing despite being a lady’s man and having a bit of an ego.. he’s still a very good guy if very, VERY gullible. Hopefully it comes up againa s this smacks of a flaw brought up and solved in one episode, and while ti’s adressed her it really dosen’t get resolved, but with 5 episodes left after this I HIGHLY doubt it. 

So our heroes are off to the Nasca lines of having gotten there with the help of a shady pilot... instead of you know.. porting there.. but given the Nazca Lines are best seen from air according to wikipedia and best shown off that way, as well as the fact it’s revealed you can enter the realm the creatures represented in the lines inhabit via plunging into it, it does make sense. She could’ve TOLD them all this before going but this is one of her off days. The Nazca Lines are a real life set of geoglypys that look really damn cool, and show up in all sorts of works, the two off the top of my head are Mega Man Starforce 2 where their used as the basis for the villians, and Yu-Gi-Oh! 5ds, where there used for the basis for the earthbound immortals.. also villians, a series of powerful and evil gods, and naturally represented by cards, that bring people back from the dead to serve as their avatars, known as the dark signers. 

As you can see they also look really fucking awesome. Sadly I have not had a deck with them as I haven’t really thought about it and you need a field spell to keep them alive, but still good stuff. Really need to watch that arc in full some day. 

Point is the plane starts to fall apart because the pilot swindled them, or rather Jose, and they have to jump without a parachute as there’s only one. Xandra of course leaps first forgetting her friends don’t have god strength or durability and will just go squish if her logic doesn’t pan out. Panchito naturally leaps without thinking and Jose decides why not and sky captain and the crappy plane he bought for 5 bucks decides to snatch the parachute so Donald’s forced to leap.  It does work though and we do get one of the best parts of the series thus far: our heroes are drawn in chalk which is beautiuflly animated and a really creative idea. Granted the magic chalk thing dosen’t make a LOT of sense given the lines are carved in.. but at the same time we’re talking about three talking birds and a goddess chasing after an overweight one percenter, his talking staff and said talking staff’s son/lover/donkeybatmonkeyrat. Exact accuracy to real life can be waved just a smidge. Point is they find Mono, a monkey and one of the guardians of the lines, who Feldrake apparently trapped, though Xandra is suspcious. NOW, after their already in the trap basically. 

But yeah Mono tells them Feldrake is going after the Nazca Gyroscope, a device at the center of the earth that keeps the earth orbiting the sun. 

Point is our heroes have to stop him though Xandra is again suspcious as Feldrake wants to conquer the world not destroy it....  forgetting the whole lava lizard scheme... just.. seriously what was his plan there. rule over a pile of ashes.. actually given Feldrake’s competence and intellegence so far. that’s probably exactly it. Why is Sheldgoose the one getting called fool a lot again?

So we get another really stellar Musical Number, draw the line as our heroes progress through the Nazca world. Also I forgot to mention but earlier, in a nice bit of setup, we set up both that jose is a talented artist, which comes in handy here, while donald struggles and doubts himself. Can.. .can relate. Say that a lot but REALLY can relate. They end this wonderful song easing on down the road while our villians watcht hem.. instead of you know going ahead up and erasing them as is their plan. 

Meanwhile, the trips sneak into Sheldgooses mansion trying to find some sort of evil scheme or lair or some clue they can use. But instead june, looking for some secret in the money vault, instead is caught by security so a chase insues and our heroines spend the episode barely outrunning the security dogs.. who SHeldgoose apparently raised. 

Don’t.. DON’T want to think about THAT any longer than I have to. Point is they find Feldrake’s hidden lair we saw in the second episode where Sheldgoose found the staff. Not bad stuff, just really not something I need to spend an hour recapping. 

So our heroes continue along encountering Hanzy, another guardian with giant hands who they free from a finger trap.. and her reasoning is both adorable and chucklesome, as Sheldgoose, having a piece of the chalk, drew a finger trap and never having had one in her size she just had to try it. So the party gains another member as they tread carefully past the spider, the final guardian and one who will eat them without a second thought.  With that they reach the gyroscope.. and Mono turns on the cabs revealing Sheldgoose tricked him into thinking they were the bad guys and this is naturally a trap. And that is part of the episodes problem: the tension from “well their walking straight into a trap” is kinda.. nonexistant. OUr heroes ran in blind, and even when suspicious in the liens being on their guard amounts to nothing and we know from last episode this is a trap. It’s one thing to have a plan turn out to be a trap for the heroes or for the villians, as we’ll see later this week, that’s fine.. but either the audience isn't aware or there’s general tension from our heroes not knowing. Here there’s none of that. 

So our heroes are trapped in a cage while Sheldgoose and Feldrake head up top to erase them, as if their drawings on hte line, the way they came in are erased so are they. It’s a good plan.. and the tension is dissipated again as hanzy just casually tosses the cage off, mono apologizes and our heroes use the chalk to draw themselves flying machines, with Donald only having a balloon and a basket. Comedic gold.  Despite once again any dramatic tension this episode evaporating like ..t ears in the rain? I dunno I don’t have a metaphor that works here. Despite this the race is genuinely thrilling with sheldgoose busting out a shark rocket launcher since neither Feldrake nor Xandra’s magic work in the lines. Nice touch by the way. But he runs out of chalk (”You should’ve learned how to conserve space!”) though our villians reach the exit first by unleashing the spider, who Jose tries to smooth talk into not eating them.. and Donald, like me afriad of spiders, iconically shouting “KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

The heels erase Hansy, which is genuinely sad. Our heroes do escape in time though before he can get them and while Feldrake makes a speech in an awesome moment, Xandra just.. ignores it and fills him full of arrows.. well the g rated equilvent about that, I don’t think any of us want to see Wayne Knight bleed buckets. I”m still not over that scene from Jurassic Park where we saw nothing but I imagined it all right.. I.. imagined it *shudders*

So i’m scared for life but our heroes are free and revive hanzy with the chalk and we get a really sweet payoff to Donald’s trouble drawing as his new finger for her is a bit crooked but she loves it. It shows even if your art isn’t as good as other people’s it’s still worth something. A nice message. Feldrake once again berates Sheldgoose who points out the cabs can escape death again and again... giving Feldrake the idea to go talk to death personally. And yeah these teases... while I get this series was made for streaming.. they keep hurting the story slightly like they did here. Though I will give them credit this one.. ends up ratcheting up the tension next time so props. 

Final thoughts on Nazca Racing:  This one was decent. The animation was gorgeous and always the jokes were top notch, and the subplot was a nice opportunity for the triplets to take the stage and have an adventure.. but the plot banks a lot on our heroes walking into a very obvious trap and that just sours things for me. Still it’s not a bad episode like “World Tree Caballeros” or “No Man is an Easter Island” for the reasons stated above. And there was no daisy for an episode so while I badly wanted to find out how she’d react to the events last episode, we also got a break from her being bitchzilla, queen of monsters for an episode.. for an episode. “Sigh”

Mexico-A-Go-Go:

Okay back on form. Our heroes return home to find.. a conspiracy board all around the house. 

Sadly it’s not that but it turns out the girls haven’t slept since the mansion and while Donald objects to their breaking and entering, they soon reveal what htey found: The Sheldgooses have all been linked to eveyr major disaster over the centuries... ever since Feldrake, who we see as a mortal for the first time, holding his OWN book as a counterpart to the heroes. They also uncovered a connection to Clinton coot and the sheldgooses but don’t have time to elaborate before Donald waves them off to check his messages.  Unsurprisingly it’s Daisy who says “In light of recent events” i.e. you know seeing Donald’s friend save her life, dapper abandon her and seeing donald fight an evil sorcerer and wrangle a bear, to give him one more second chance. 

Yeah i’ve spent a good chunk of this series complaining about Daisy.. and given she appears in the final two episodes i’m probably not finished. But this is just.. wow. So now she KNOWS, if not all the details that Donald and his friends are entangled in something big and scary, that involves a lives bear and actual fucking magic, so that his ducking out on her last time was NOT him being irresponsible or going to hang with his pals or something stupid, but probably something pretty important, she’s not fully aware of everything but she’s aware ENOUGH to know Donald really is making something of himself or at least is trying and really didn’t mean to mistreat her.. and she STILL is giving him fucking ultimatums!

I just.. i’m so done with this whole fucking subplot. All of it. Not just Daisy, Donald constnatly having a moan about loosing her and whining about going on missions to save the world instead of keeping this ungrateful, bossy, self esteem shattering, shrill, selfish, gold digging, impossibly high stand’s keeping big gulp full of bitch. 

Donald.. buddy YOU CAN DO BETTER. Xandra’s right there and even if she’s not interested there’s a WHOLE TOWN of rich, eligible ladies. Go woo one of them! it’s hard getting out there, believe me I know, it’s VERY hard and i’ll probably die alone.. but your a good man, you have good friends. Friends who’ve screwed up yes but good friends to wingman and wingwoman for you. Just... leave Daisy behind. It’s not good for your mental health to keep bending over backwards for someone who wants you to be something you’ll NEVER be. Who wants someone sophisticated and with a steady job.. and the latter part’s never going to happen now your a Caballero, and given that’s more important.. good! If she can’t see what you do or won’t take the time to fucking listen... MOVE. ON. I know moving on’s hard but you have to. For your own health. Staying stuck in place over a person just hurts you and them. 

And as for Daisy..  this is easily the worst version of the character. And I went into this FULLY KNOWING this version was bad, FULLY KNOWING she was going to be grating and some of the things she’d pull like Dapper thanks to spoilers. It’s why I held off watching this for so long.. and turns out while it was worth it, the series is quite good, my fears were JUSTIFIED and no amount of reading it could prepare me for how terribly written and horribly damaging this all is.  And I do mean damaging: Kids pick things up from media. And while I should’ve caught on sooner, can’t fully blame a cartoon, I did as a kid and teen get my idea of romance from cartoons and tv and thus got the idea that pining after someone in secret was okay and they’ll come around eventually and starring at them and what not is entirely fine and not creepy. Of course it isn’t, of coure you have to say something, and of course you have to let it go if there with someone else. I know that NOW, and there have been much better geek gets the girl plots. .but it still seriously fucked with my autistic brain’s view on friendships with women, something I still struggle with at times.  And that’s why I take this shit seriously: Because while thankfully I never bought into THAT , shit where “it’s okay if it’s a WOMAN, abusing a MAN”. Men can be abused to. It’s why we had SO SO MANY unfunny stalker characters in the 2000′s, and so many plots like this where the guy is wrong.. because h’es male and his partner being domineering and expecting him to change everything without doing anything for them or treating them as an equal.. is just not okay.  And it speaks to a bigger problem.. out of touch writers who assume because THEIR wives are only with them out of obligation that’s how ALL relatoinships work, when no it’s not get a divorced please god. The Duckverse REALLY doesn’t need this According to Jim, My Wife and Kids, George Lopez, Home Improvement, Cleveland Show, King of Queens, Dinosaurs, Rick and Morty, Glen Martin DDS, etc all bullshit. People break up and Donald deserves better. And I genuinely blame both EP Matt Daner and Tony Anselmo for this. And I have a LOT of respect for both guys, i’ve made that very clear.. but Matt as EP and thus the one in charge fo the overall storyline is clearly the one who thought of this and Tony, who helped write for Donald this series, didn’t either get Tress, whose been doing daisy for two decades and is as knolwedgle for her as he is for donald the same courtsey or chime in given he should know daisy better. Both of these men should know better. Danner wrote for Xiaolin Showdown, that had great female characters for the most part and Tony is a grown ass man whose worked with women and is married as far as I know. Figure it out.  This Daisy thing has EASILY been the worst part of this retrospective as a whole, the worst part of this series and probably the worst thing i’ve seen in a duck property.. and again I saw daisy ACTUALLY HIT DONALD. 

And this is worse. Because instead of one moment of terrible writing and misplaced slapstick that comes off as abuse, it’s just a constnat barage of emotoinal abuse treated as if i’ts DONALD’S fault. Donald did nothing wrong to her and his only crime is obessing of this hellspawned hardian. Fuck this entire plot with a garden rake lined with acid.

Also just a quick note before we speed through Daisy’s screentime to get to the good part of the episode, there’s, at least no yet NO proper reaction to Donald’s new life and it bothers me it bothers me a lot. She learns he has this whole secret life and has no fucking questions just more of the same old bullshit. “SIGH”

So yeah this b-plot: Donald wants to stay for Daisy

And the others drag him along though this time.. Donald comes off as the asshole because he KNOWS they need him, knows he’s useful and knows this is more important but drags his feet anyway for someone who again, has done NOTHING good for him. And even with the girls saying the’ll help and telling him to keep the mirror handy, he still keeps complaning up until the plans reveaeld. 

The plan, which.. May I think, the orange one. I know June is purple, but while May isn’t on board for this, the plan is to have April and June do the totoem pole trench and have donald be the face. So the entire plan is basically this

They have an actually nice date till the ruse is revealed, and while he says “I can explain” which he can.. she PUNCHES the mirrror saying explain this. 

So our heroes need to go to Mexico, Panchito’s homeland and somehow, in a series based on and starring primarily south american characters... one of the two times we visit the region and the only time we visit one of the cabs two home countries. Now the latter part i’m fair on since they were likely saving Brazil for the season 2 that never happened and didn’t want to blow their load just yet. The other part.. not so much. I’m not saying set the entire series there, there’s a lot of world, but most of the locations aside from the world tree are pretty common for globetrotting adventure: Easter Island, Stonehenge, Mt. Rushmore, The Pyramids, the Moon, and coming up Camelot and Shangri La. These aren’t BAD settings mind and are used creatively and probably will be in the two I haven’t seen, and the setups involving king arthur and a yeti spa do sound like they wont’ dispoint, but you had a real opportunity to teach kids, and my grown man self, about South America and ya blew it. 

But we’re in Mexico where after meeting a spooky cloaked guy who says they might not leave alive

So our heroes enter the temple and the other side and find a bunch of chickens who see Panchito, who insisted on the trip due to his luchadores code of always helping the incident, as a god and their chosen champion for the goddess of light as the preistess explains. So we get a montage of Panchito getting pampred while the other cabs get pushed around, ending at a restraunt.  Xandra is naturally suspcious as the locals are being AWFUL vauge about what’s going on here, and this is getting pretty midsomar. Donald is distracted by daisy and Jose is distracted by a beautiful senorita, leaving Xandra to TRY and get panchito to think.. before being distracted herself by a mysterious handsome latino gentleman in black. Though during the dance with thier respective partners, Xandra and Jose both remark that it’s weird.. but are distracted by the sexy long enough for it to be revealed what Panchito’s duty is: as the champion of life.. he has to fight the champion of death. No Prize for guessing who. Though unlike with “Nazca Racing” where the teaser removed all tension since we knew it was a trap, here the teaser last episode helps, as we don’t see Team Feldrake till this moment, and we know something involving death itself.. and finding out panchtio’s representing life just ratchets up tension: we know the bad guys are involved.. but we don’t know how or what they’ll do. 

And the how is simple: A one on one wrasslin match! 

Or lucha match since we Panchito’s a luchador and we’re in mexico. He’s wearing his usual outfit while Sheldgoose is wearing standard wrestling tights.. so a superstar babyface versus a heel comentator... but actually entertaining this time. As you can tell I love wrestling. While i’m more of a casual fan, I watch OSW and some other wrestling youtubes and don’t really watch the product at the moment, I do love and respect the sport and love a good wrestling episode or series of television as a result, so this hits the spot. 

So the match goes on and Panchito has the clear lead as Sheldgoose is playing by college wrestling rules and Panchito is playing by pro wrestling rules. And while you can use standard holds well you gotta mix the two together kurt angle style. Eventually Xandra decides to confront the sexy bird and sexy boy, and finds out, in a twist I didn’t see coming they ARE the god of life and god of death, respectively. While I knew this was a fight to the death, as death explains, a symbolic battle between the two with real stakes to keep ballance, I thought these two were just illusions brought up to keep Xandra and Jose from leaving or digging deeper. Instead they were just doing it on their own and as the god of death shows, they were genuinely intrested. I mean... why not get some while preparing to have your champions do battle. God for you death god, multitasking like that. Same for you goddess of life. Get it girl, you get after it. Jose is a fine man. I’d tap that if I could. Get after it.  So Xandra warns Panchito who finds taking life against his code and Jose again shows his awesomeness by pointing out the obvious: the match is timed, so if they run out the clock it’s a draw. Might lead to something but it’s better than nothing. So Panchito TRIES this, but Sheldgoose has leopold “Throw mommy to daddy” (One of my faviorite gags of the episode), and wacks him with feldrake before the whole thing becomes a brawl. And the god of Death does not take DQ’s or outside intefernce well and instead kills them all for breaking the rules. 

Not kidding. The main cast is DEAD minus Xandra, as Death still wanted to bone her, but she refuses. So now Xandra is left while al lher friends are dead while the god and goddess head off in his caddy to go knock over mailboxes I guess. 

Final Thoughts on Mexico-A-Go-Go:  Outside of .. certain parties, this was a REALLY fun one, with a great wrestling theme, a great mystery and the awesomeness that was the god of death, who was smooth, cool and thoroughly interesting and I wish there was a second season and his and xandra’s dynamic was really interesting. One of the series best, helped by the fact the Daisy bit while thoroughly irritating, was religated to a pretty funny subplot, with May being understandably skeptical of the plan, it somehow working and the sheer redicuonsess. It dosen’t make daisy tolerable, but it makes the episode better. 

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #85: “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” | December 7, 2003 - 11:30 PM | S08E04

Happy 20th anniversary, Adult Swim. And, boy, what a momentous episode of Ghost do we have here to celebrate. There are a number of episodes where the guest is an event unto itself and this is truly one of them. Frequent punchline William Shatner is an absolute cunt... and a proper legend. His cuntiness and legendary status are two things that seem to be at odds with one another, and the Space Ghost crew have managed to come up with an artfully idiosyncratic episode to match Shatner’s weird-guy-ness. It’s a classic for sure, and important. But (making a “smug dipshit” face) is it funny?

YES! It’s FUNNY! I will admit though, the first time I saw this episode I didn’t quite know what to make of it. This is partially because I’m very much a Star Trek agnostic. I’ve never been into Star Trek. In the last few years I’ve watched most of the pre-Next Gen motion pictures for inane list-making reasons, and I enjoyed them to varying degrees, but Star Trek is truly not for me. I’m more of a... well, I’m not a Star Wars guy either. What’s the other one? Uh... Spaceballs. That’s it. I’m more of a Spaceballs guy.

But I feel like I’ve absorbed a lot of Star Trek lore through cultural osmosis. I vaguely understand that William Shatner has had some deliberately-paced choreographed fight scene on those rocks from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. When I hear music similar to the the music that Jim Carrey hums in The Cable Guy, I’m pretty sure whatever it is I’m watching is doing a Star Trek thing. And yes, I’ve watched every single Red Letter Media “Mike and Rich talk about Star Trek for 4 hours” video. But even today, after having picked up more Star Trek knowledge on my journey to the grave, I still have this nagging feeling of “I only sort of get this”.

Still, this episode has a handful of screamingly funny lines, and the episode ends wonderfully, with Space Ghost in his death throes, suffering the ultimate indignity of dying in front of William Shatner. There’s also the part where Zorak asks why everyone in Star Trek is black, and a part where Moltar nervously reads from his fan fiction (from a book labeled TARD WARS, hahaha). Shatner, who has a reputation for being arrogant and difficult, is as good a sport as one could hope. The show makes good use of his hammier moments, and only shits on him slightly in the process. The most notable moment is when Shatner says to Zorak “didn't you and I fight to the death?” to which Zorak replies “That sounds pretty dumb, man”. I’ve actually quoted this line many times. It’s one of the best.

Also, for those of you who like to track these things: the show features callbacks to other episodes and shows; the handimen at Zorak’s apartment are clearly extras from Sealab 2020/2021, one of the Leprechauns from Aqua Teen Hunger Force shows up, and there’s a poignant callback to classic Space Ghost episode “Banjo”. 

The title motif of this season is naming the episodes after Allman Brothers songs, and I always wondered about this one. Maybe I’m reaching, and it’s probably too disrespectful to be true, but I always thought that it was somehow a veiled reference to Shatner’s wife, whom he supposedly killed or let die. It’s simply too dark to be true, but it’s the first thought that immediately jumped to my mind when I first heard the title of this episode. Am I stupid for thinking this? Am I stupid because it OBVIOUSLY is a reference to that?? I simply do not know. I would like to know.

MAIL BAG

The big anniversary is upon us. What are your 20 favorite things about adult swim for 20 years going. Don't sleep on this question!

I gotta do SOMETHING special, so I might as well do this. More thought could have gone into this, but I spent about an hour trying to come up with episodes or moments from 20 different shows and putting them in rough chronological order. I limited myself to one episode/scene/moment/joke/whatever per show so it’s not all Space Ghost jokes. So, here we go:

Sealab 2021: “I, Robot”. Adult Swim proved it could be brilliant right out of the gate with the stealth premiere of “I, Robot”, but for Sealab it’s all downhill from here. (2000)

Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Space Ghost stops in his tracks to reminisce about the time Bobcat Goldthwait said "crack a window". The entire episode “Kentucky Nightmare” is brilliant, but this moment in particular so uniquely captures my sense of humor that it’s inexplicable. The dumb look on Space Ghost’s face when he stops in his tracks. Goddamn. (2001)

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: “Mayhem of the Mooninites” I tried very hard to make this all be individual jokes or scenes or whatever, but this is another episode where the entire thing is just line after line and I can’t really pick. This, “I Robot”, and “Kentucky Nightmare” is like a perfect trio illustrating how good Adult Swim really was right out of the gate. (2001)

Home Movies: Jason casually reveals that his parents have no idea who Brendon and Melissa are and that he spends most of his free-time making movies with them. This is the episode “Storm Warning” which is overall one of the best episodes of Home Movies, but this scene is probably my favorite. Illustrates how simple and hilarious the comedy is on this show. (2002)

Tom Goes to the Mayor: the end scene in “Undercover”, where they’ve shoddily reversed Tom’s various unnecessary surgeries and called him “Taumpy Tears” to boot. Positively sublime. (2006)

Metalocalypse: Dr. Rockso’s music video. From the episode “Dethclown”. I was never in love with this show as much as the true fans were, but there were a handful of incredible episodes. This episode basically tells one joke over and over and it’s very funny. It really ends with a bang showcasing Dr. Rockso’s shitty music video that celebrates cocaine use. His singing voice is hilarious. (2006)

Assy McGee: I am the only person in the world that defends Assy McGee as being “actually pretty good” and it’s all entirely due to this one line: Assy McGee (a pair of naked buttocks with legs, whose ass functions as his head) is forced to attend a black tie event and is just milling around wearing nothing but a black bow tie. Through clenched anus he delivers the line “I can barely breathe in this penguin suit”. The whole show is worth it for that joke. I don’t even know what episode it is except that it’s from one of the first few. I might not even have the line exactly right. But, I remember laughing so hard. I may not have laughed at Assy McGee again. (2006)

Saul of the Mole Men: The opening theme song. And nothing else. (2007)

Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!: Jim and Derrick. I should pick something more user-friendly maybe, since this episode almost entirely relies on being familiar with Tim & Eric’s previous episodes. But goddamn, this episode is such a funny concept (which is basically Tim & Eric doing an alternate MTV-ified version of Awesome Show) (2008)

Moral Orel: “Numb”. When Moral Orel suddenly stopped being a quirky Adult Swim comedy and suddenly started doing episodes that resembled art films. This episode is a fucking masterpiece. I remember sobbing the first time I saw it. There are a few in season 3 that are like that, but this one is my favorite. (2008)

Check it Out! with Dr. Steve Brule: Terry Bruge-Hiplo reviews “Dumpster’s Children”. Another bit of comedy that I’d describe as “inexplicable” and “sublime”, and it all hinges on an old man’s mouth. Holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve laughed harder than this at a TV show since. (2010)

Delocated: The ending of “Mole”, an extended Face/Off riff where Jon goes undercover as the scary mobster Sergei. In the final moments of the episode he marries a woman, fathers multiple children with her, and only then is pulled out of the mission. The episode is a tour-de-force of comic acting by Steve Cirbus, who is graciously allowed to shine for most of the episode. But man, that ending is fucking wonderful. (2010)

Venture Bros.: The ending of “Operation P.R.O.M.” a flurry of emotions hit me when “Like a Friend” by Pulp starts playing. The scene is so well done and weirdly touching. Brock realizes that deep down he gives a shit about the Venture family and is genuinely terrified something might happen to them. And then he gets to slaughter a bunch of Zorak monsters, which is also weirdly sweet. It’s even touching on a meta-level knowing that Jackson and Doc tried many times and failed to include licensed music in the show. I love Venture Bros, but I think we’d all be better off if this were the series finale. Sorry. I had to say it. (2010)

The Heart She Holler: The first scene with Patton being taught the way of the world posthumously by his father on a VHS tape. The first season of this show is amazing, but that scene, especially where Patton does a little Japanese bow and says “oh, hot dog!” is just hysterical. Literally every time a hot dog comes up in conversation my wife and I quote it. Please, do not scorn her, it’s not racist when SHE does it. (2011)

Eagleheart: The All That Jazz inspired finale. “Paradise Rising” is mostly a masterpiece, and how it ends is so fucking incredible. Easily the most under-rated show on Adult Swim and I’m not just saying that because... you know (mimes dick-sucking) (2014)

Rick and Morty: I watched the first two episodes of Rick and Morty, thought it was good, but for some reason didn’t become a devotee until my wife made me watch the Mr. Poopybutthole episode. It’s still my favorite episode, I think. (2015)

Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America: The “Dinner with” specials are all really good, but goddamn, this one hits. Should be shown in schools. I am going to go to every grade school in my county with an AR-15 (to get past the guards, of course) and I won’t leave until they call an assembly and they let me fumble around trying to find it on vimeo and play it for the students. (2016)

The Eric Andre Show: Eric interviews Steve Schirripa. The bit where he has an intern dip his balls in Steve’s spaghetti sauce is hilarious, naturally, but I’m here to showcase the running gag where every time Steve complains how hot the studio is, Eric just wordlessly hands him an ice cube until Steve explodes. It’s one of the most childishly hilarious things I’ve ever seen. It’s perfect. (2016)

Million Dollar Extreme Presents: World Peace: The Pick-Up artist sketch. I’m mostly unimpressed with MDE, and all but a few Sam Hyde bits leave me cold. But this sketch is a crowning achievement. I mean, I think these guys suck politically and are more mean than funny, but their sensibilities yielded one really incredible piece of comedy. Okay, I laughed at the blackface sketch too. There. You dragged it out of me. (2016) Joe Pera Talks With You: This show is beautiful and I love every episode. But the episode “Joe Pera Reads You The Church Announcements” Wherein Joe discovers a new-to-him song and can’t stop listening to it, is one of the most joyous episodes of television I’ve ever seen. A gateway episode. I tell everyone to please watch this one first. (2018)

[willel]

So, the official writing team is going to post movies they’ve discussed for season 4 once a week. For the funsies, I guess I’ll look at each movie and see what it’s about. 

So let’s get started. I’m sorry if this looks bad on tumblr mobile, but it;s their fault for messing up the indented paragraphs

The Peanut Butter Solution

Ghosts restore a boy's (Mathew Mackay) hair when it falls out from fright, but then it won't stop growing.

Michael Baskin is an average 11-year-old boy. His father, Billy Baskin, is a struggling artist and temporary sole caregiver of the children while his wife attends to the needs of her recently deceased father in Australia. Upon hearing the news that an abandoned mansion has recently burned down, Michael and his friend Connie decide to explore the remains. Outside the mansion, Connie dares Michael to take a look inside, leading to a frightening encounter with the ghosts of its homeless inhabitants who had died in the fire. Michael does not know this yet, but his fearsome run in with the ghosts has given him a mysterious illness simply known as "The Fright". Michael wakes up the next morning to find out that "The Fright" has made him lose all of his hair. After a failed attempt with a wig (his wig was pulled off by an older boy during a fight in a soccer game), the ghosts visit Michael in his sleep and give him the recipe of a magical formula for hair growth, the main ingredient of which is peanut butter. Michael's first attempt to make the formula is thwarted when his father and sister think he is making something to ingest (rather than use topically) and dispose of it.

A short summary of this movie. It goes on to explain that Michael successfully makes the formula and grows his hair back, but an evil teacher fired from his school discovers his hair growing ability, kidnaps him, uses his hair to make magical paint brushes before he’s finally caught and everyone gets a happy ending. 

.... Gonna be honest. NO idea how this is gonna work in. lol. Will’s bowl cut??? The beginning part there had me thinking about Joyce. The exploring the hunted house with a friend had me thinking of Will and El. But everything else? Pfff. 

The Fisher King

After shock jock Jack Lucas (Jeff Bridges) inadvertently provokes a caller into murdering a group of innocent people in a Manhattan bar, he grows depressed and turns to booze. As he's about to hit rock bottom, Lucas meets a homeless man named Parry (Robin Williams), whose wife was killed by the caller Lucas pushed to the brink. Mentally scarred by his loss, Parry spends his days searching for the Holy Grail. Lucas, feeling culpable for the poor man's plight, pledges to help him in his quest.

Nope, no idea. I really got nothing except.... maybe Kali?????? Ok wait, I read a bit more, mostly the ending bits. The homeless man, Parry, is beat senseless and is in a coma/catatonic state. The hero of the movie must steal a Holy Grail to wake him up, which he does.

Another part, the hero had previously broken up with his lover (out of guilt I guess???) reunites with her. She slaps him and then they kiss and make up. Or something.

Kinda... Hopper and Joyce like I guess. 

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Amiable slackers Bill (Alex Winter) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are once again roped into a fantastical adventure when De Nomolos (Joss Ackland), a villain from the future, sends evil robot duplicates of the two lads to terminate and replace them. The robot doubles actually succeed in killing Bill and Ted, but the two are determined to escape the afterlife, challenging the Grim Reaper (William Sadler) to a series of games in order to return to the land of the living.

As much as I love Keanu, this does not make me happy. The only beneficial thing I can think of is two best friends doing stuff together to solve a mystery (Will and El). Maybe Will will get Keanu’s hair

You’ve Got Mail

Struggling boutique bookseller Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) hates Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), the owner of a corporate Foxbooks chain store that just moved in across the street. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Joe learns that the enchanting woman he's involved with is actually his business rival. He must now struggle to reconcile his real-life dislike for her with the cyber love he's come to feel.

.... What? No idea how this is going to happen.... maybe Joyce gets a mysterious pen pal and it’s secretly Hopper. Or, maybe Joyce will become a librarian/book seller

Ordinary People

Tormented by guilt following the death of his older brother, Buck, in a sailing accident, alienated teenager Conrad Jarrett (Timothy Hutton) attempts suicide. Returning home following an extended stay in a psychiatric hospital, Conrad tries to deal with his mental anguish and also reconnect with his mother, Beth (Mary Tyler Moore), who has grown cold and angry, and his emotionally wounded father, Calvin (Donald Sutherland), with the help of his psychiatrist, Dr. Berger (Judd Hirsch).

Ok THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. YES. I probably haven’t seen the movie, but this summary gets me hyped. Let me check out the plot....

“The Jarretts are an upper-middle-class family in suburban Chicago trying to return to normal life after the accidental death of their older teenage son, Buck, and the attempted suicide of their younger and surviving son, Conrad. “

Chicago huh? Hmmmmmm

“ Conrad, who has recently returned home from a four-month stay in a psychiatric hospital, feels alienated from his friends and family and begins seeing a psychiatrist, Dr. Berger. Berger learns that Conrad was involved in the sailing accident that took the life of Buck, whom everyone idolized. Conrad now deals with post-traumatic stress disorder and survivor's guilt. “

This screams Will to me because of the whole alienation of friends and family (plus Will was going to doctors and psychiatrists for a while). BUT, the survivor's guilt thing could be El too. She told him she could fight (she didn’t know she couldn’t at the time she said that) and let him and Joyce go into the danger all alone. But Joyce would never send off her kids to a psychiatrist or ward. And she might not take them to counselors either, she’s been there done that.

“Mother and son often argue while Calvin tries to referee, generally taking Conrad's side for fear of pushing him over the edge again. Things come to a climax near Christmas, when Conrad becomes furious at Beth for not wanting to take a photo with him, swearing at her in front of his grandparents. “

Ooof, well. This movie does not have a particularly happy ending. Basically, Conrad is struggling with guilt and alienation most of the time. He even starts dating someone but it only helps a little. His mother is basically steely faced and refuses to express emotion. She totally blames her younger child for her older child’s death. She’s confronted by her husband who asks her “If she’s capable of loving anyone” and she leaves the family, only leaving father and son to heal together. 

The Byers don’t have that kind of stuff going on, not exactly. But.... yes. I can see some good material in here. Let’s hope there’s more of this and less of Bill and Ted’s adventures yeah?

[swampgallows]

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i can't fucking do anything right, i can't remember anything, i have my therapy at 230 tomorrow and my sleeping has been so fucked up that i don't even know if ill be rested enough to be cognizant. i don't even know what to do in therapy. i know i need it because I'm more suicidal than ever but nothing changes and I've been cut off from everything for so long and with the pandemic it's only gotten worse. all therapists ever seem to fixate on is getting me to go back to work instead of getting me to a point where i can work and also not spend my lunch breaks finding places to commit suicide at my workplace. it's all just like "here take meds so you can be like everyone else-- chemically, i mean, of course!!--and work a 9 to 5 job because Society Said So." like how is that gonna improve my mental health at all. is that gonna make me healthy or is it just gonna make me complacent

realizing lately i have a lot of internalized ableism as well because I'm sick of being pathologized for my idiosyncrasies. sometimes humans are just different and you don't have to crack the spine of the DSM whenever a person does something unusual. i guess it's resurfacing a lot of feelings from school where you draw something kinda weird or say something silly and people go "omg what were you ON" or "you would be SOOOO amazing drunk/high" like can you just chill and not chalk up my existence to some kind of fucked up brain chemistry. like can i at least have the illusion of being a person with free will

i keep flashing back to this conversation an old acquaintance had with me where i was talking about how a lot of adhd resources seem to help me, and some child psychologists thought i had adhd (even back then, when it was still add/adhd) just because i was smart but also rambunctious (because i was a literal child... in first grade...). and my buddy was like "oh, you're ADHD. for sure." and took a long drag of his cigarette and i was like what??? what makes you say that??? wouldn't it run in my family???? and he was so fucking patronizing, like the fact that i read a lot about my interests or that i got genuinely excited about things as an adult instead of having some "cool" detached passing interest or something... it infuriated me so fucking much because it reduced my human experience and feelings to just this totally bogus stereotype.

like maybe one day il find out for sure whether or not im adhd or on the spectrum or if it really just is hypo- and hypervigilance wrought by a lifetime of compounded traumas. i will try to be open to it. but reducing my lifetime to a stereotype is incredibly dehumanizing and i feel like it lessens the validity of the community as a whole. maybe i can get really immersed in shit without it being "hyperfocusing" or a hyperfixation. maybe i can use body grounding techniques that aren't "stimming".

on one hand maybe it normalizes those concepts so that neurodiverse people are better understood. but that's not my call to make. and while im not necessarily against self-diagnosis, i know that i am too biased toward my own experiences to tell. i know that i am mentally ill, and i know that i have PTSD, both from my own research and learning and from multiple professional diagnoses. but i don't have the map to my own brain, and i can't decide for myself whether or not im neurodiverse, so on that account it feels wrong and inappropriate for people to describe my behaviors with terminology that isn't for me.

just like i wouldn't want people to misuse other terms, i don't want people to think im autistic or adhd just because i fulfill certain behavioral stereotypes. to me it seems as harmful to armchair diagnose me for being "weird" as it does to assume people aren't neurodiverse because they aren't "weird enough" or whatever.

i dunno man. maybe i am neurodiverse, but let me have that journey on my own unless you can be supportive. i don't need a bunch of jerks infantilizing me like "heh told ya so, you freak" while ive been suffering all this time. until then im just trying different methods that might work for me without worrying about a label. if adhd coping mechanisms work for me and it turns out im not adhd? who cares! if it works it works. if it turns out i AM neurodiverse somehow?... it will take a lot of work to accept that and to forgive myself and others, but it will hopefully put me on the right track to figure out how to live a functional life.

thats all i really care about. i just want to be functional and stable and happy. i want to be able to be comfortable and to want things again. im tired of having to figure everything out all on my own without any help and for zero reward. im sick of not wanting to live and having nothing to look forward to. im sick of not wanting to be alive on planet earth. but i have to be. so i need to figure out how to do that without people telling me all the time that I'm "so smart" and "should be able to figure it out on my own".

i don't know how to want things. i don't know how to WANT to want to live.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

The Greatest Warrior

by CaptainOmniverse

Living with 10 sisters, Lincoln was used to crazy things happening to him. But this- this was something else.

Turns out he really was adopted (that story about the First Lady bringing him to the world was bogus, now that he thinks about it!) and his parents were in fact aliens, part of an ancient warrior race known as the Saiyans which has long since died out. With the help of his family, both blood and adopted, his mentors and his friends, he will embark on an epic journey to surpass his limits, restore the honor of his race and become the greatest warrior to ever live.

Oh, and maybe get the girl. Or girls.

Words: 5814, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Loud House (Cartoon), Dragon Ball, Justice League - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat - All Media Types, King of Fighters, Dead or Alive (Video Games), Killer Instinct (Video Games), Fairy Tail, ワンパンマン | One-Punch Man, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Highschool DxD (Anime), Bleach (Anime & Manga), Ben 10 Series, Generator Rex, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, Kim Possible (Cartoon), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Avatar: Legend of Korra, Godzilla - All Media Types, RWBY

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Lincoln Loud, Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Broly (Dragon Ball), Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Diana Prince

Relationships: Lincoln Loud/Everyone, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne/Rei Todoroki, Chi-Chi/Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Lynn Loud Sr./Rita Loud, Midoriya Izuku/Uraraka Ochako, Asia Argento/Hyoudou Issei, Arisawa Tatsuki/Kurosaki Ichigo, Ben Tennyson/Julie Yamamoto, Circe/Rex Salazar, Natsu Dragneel/Lisanna Strauss, Broly/Sid Chang, Lincoln Loud & Son Goku, Lincoln Loud & Broly, Lincoln Loud & Justice League

Additional Tags: Multiple Crossovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Harem

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43533930

[nandalorian]

So. I wasn’t going to post about Roswell, but now I am, so buckle up because this is going to be a long one.

A lot of people on Tumblr, Twitter, and the wider internet have, over the last few days, very intelligently posed criticisms of Roswell’s representation of POCs and queer characters in the context of Malex. While I have to be upfront about the fact that the problematic writing has made me apprehensive of seeing the show through to its next season, I’ve been pretty quiet on that front as I gather my thoughts and figure out what I need to say. As a white woman, I am upset and dismayed by the token and tone-deaf representation, but I feel like that’s not mine to speak to when there are a lot of people of colour in this fandom who can and should take this opportunity to explain, criticize, and educate the rest of us on how the show has failed and how it must do better. In that regard the most worthwhile contribution I can make is to listen and amplify those voices and their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and insights about the negative and at best lazy representation of people of colour on the show.

But as a bisexual woman and a professional writer and editor, I am in a position to criticize the queer representation from a political and social standpoint, but also a creative one. I am going to break this post up into two parts because there’s a lot I want to address about two separate issues, and I think the waters will get muddied if I try to combine it into one post. So let’s talk about Malex first, which is the subject about which, oddly enough, I feel the most calm. Depressed af, but mostly calm.

More under the cut.

A lot of people have already written about Malex or Tweeted Carina and the production team far more eloquently than I can manage, but the thing is, while I do have issues I’ll get into in a sec, I... actually think they have done a good job of writing Michael as a bisexual man and Alex as a gay one. That isn’t a popular opinion at the moment, but hear me out, because I have a lot more to say on the subject of bisexuality that doesn’t concern Michael Guerin. The show’s struggle isn’t entirely that their politics are bad. I do think the intentions are mostly good--mostly--but what I want to speak to is the breakdown between intentions and how those intentions translate to the screen through the medium of writing, direction, and the actors’ performances.

I don’t want to dismiss or disregard anyone who feels differently since that view is also totally valid and a lot of people have raised very fine points to that end. This is just my interpretation, so take it with a grain of salt and feel free to disregard or not. But my take is we can’t boil down the show’s issues to saying oh it’s biphobic or homophobic where Michael and Alex are concerned. I don’t think it is, not inherently.

The show’s struggle is that the writing is often so sloppy, rushed, and disjointed that it’s impossible to tell whether they don’t fully understand what positive queer representation is and what it isn’t, or if they just don’t know how to do it justice on TV. Perhaps it’s a combination of both, and right now I’m not writing off either possibility.

But I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. To be clear: the Malex/Maria triangle is shitty writing because love triangles frequently are, and they’re really, really difficult, if not impossible, to get right. The reason I think so many of us are up in arms about it is because the show rushed and stumbled its way through a 30-second supercut of Alex and Michael’s relationship from the word go, just enough to get us hooked before abandoning it for something else.

We’re pissed because it’s like they got us addicted to black tar heroin and then took away our fix just as the night sweats and shaky hands started to kick in, and at this point my life since episode 1x11 has been like a bad Trainspotting withdrawal montage. I don’t think they have intentionally baited us, although that is what it feels like. It’s taken a lot of angst and going back and forth on my part to arrive at this conclusion, and I will say I still waffle about it some days. But bad writing is bad because it pulls unintentionally negative reactions from people due to being misunderstood, or from creating all these wild implications the writers didn’t necessarily intend or realize were present in the final product.

The fact that Carina has to take to Twitter to explain each episode to viewers shows the quality of the writing or lack thereof. If it were stronger, she wouldn’t have to do that, but the show suffers from chronic exposition, incredibly bad pacing, and an overreliance on plot devices to advance the story rather than gradual and necessary character development. Sorry if that’s harsh, but the editor part of my brain sometimes wants to weep during episodes of Roswell. Oftentimes a bunch of shit will happen in an episode that doesn’t even progress the story, leaving us or the characters at exactly the same place they started off.

In short, everything happens too much. The characters feel like they have no agency because they are always reacting to one thing after another every episode, not even a second for them to breathe and be and let us see who they really are when the world isn’t on fire. And that’s all the characters, not just Alex and Michael, although arguably we have a bit more insight into the primary characters like the Pod Squad and Liz. But really, everything suffers as a result. The characters seem thin or underdeveloped and the sense of urgency, tension, and risk disappears even from theoretically high-stakes scenes like a live shooter at a hospital because we don’t get to see who the characters are in their normal lives. We don’t fully know what’s important to them before the next explosion happens.  

Adversity is a helpful writing tool because it can show us who characters are under a certain set of high-pressure circumstances, but boredom and normalcy is just as important for character development. You can’t tear down what we don’t know exists. Star Wars: A New Hope wouldn’t have been half as effective if we hadn’t seen Luke Skywalker in his day-to-day life before that simple life was upended and he got the call to adventure. The first stage of the hero’s journey is necessarily the boring part because we can’t cross from the known to the unknown world without seeing what the known world is.

We never really… get that with Roswell. Not even for a second. So of course we feel cheated of bisexual or gay representation in the show because we never actually get to see Michael and Alex in any kind of sustained relationship, healthy or not. It’s just conflict conflict conflict with a bit of sex and longing gazes thrown in, followed by more conflict and then the relationship ending in favour for a new one. All hat, no cattle. (Literally.)

With Michael we get to see some of his routine and him being himself with his family, etc., and a lot of that has to do with the incredible performances Michael Vlamis delivers week after week, although even then, that suffers. Rather than start us off slow and building relationships from the ground up, the season begins in conflict, so that it has the effect of it seeming like the town of Roswell has been vacant for 10 years and everyone moved back in the same day and started catching up on each other’s lives after a decade apart. You don’t get the sense that anyone really talks to each other, even though most of them have been living in the same place their whole lives. Every single relationship, from Isobel and Michael, Max and Michael, Max and Isobel, even Maria and Michael, could have been strengthened if they’d taken more time to lay that groundwork ahead of the conflict. Especially Maria and Michael! Imagine how much better this season would have worked if they’d had an existing relationship, friendship, or flirtation before Alex got back. By this point we’d be nodding and probably going, “Okay, I get it. I might not like it, but I get it.”

Alex by comparison is a total cypher where his background and his day-to-day life is concerned. We know almost nothing about him outside of his history of abuse, his tragic backstory with Michael, and his role in helping to uncover the mystery about the fourth alien. Yes, we’ve gotten to see that he is blunt and fiercely loyal to his friends, and he has serious issues with needing to be in control, which are all valid from a character development standpoint. I have come to desperately crave any and all scenes with him and Kyle because that seems to be when we get the most significant moments of character insight like that wonderful “I’m talking about a conversation, not a war” moment. But how much else do we know or understand about him that is canon, not fans’ headcanon?

Furthermore, the lack of context and representation around Alex’s disability as a veteran, amputee, and potentially as a PTSD-sufferer is really dangerous and feels like tokenism. The way they’ve written the existence of his injury feels inconsistent, and while showing his residual limb during a love scene was significant, they ruined any goodwill we might have developed toward them for that by simply never engaging with his disability again. Same with the fact that he is of Indigenous heritage, which we know FROM A TWEET but which the show has never actually engaged with explicitly, in a move taken straight from the J.K. Rowling Book of Bogus Representation. We don’t quite have enough information to know yet whether this is tokenism or bad writing, in Alex’s case, although I sincerely hope it isn’t the former. Based on everything I’ve seen so far, though, my hopes aren’t high, because it kind of feels like the writers want credit for representation when they haven’t actually done the legwork (yet?).

Maria suffers a similar lack of character development, and what started off promising when we got great scenes with her, Liz, and Alex and then met Mimi has quickly deteriorated to her being nothing more than Michael’s new love interest. As a woman of colour, that is lazy and shitty on multiple levels, and I just about hit the ceiling in 1x11 when they not only showed a black woman being drugged and her body used against her will--could you be more tone-deaf to those implications?!--but had two white women (Jenna and Isobel) accusing Maria of being a murderer to another WOC (Liz). Maria’s very thin character development in the latter half of the season has had the dual effect of making us feel like we’ve been cheated out of a relationship we have gotten attached to but haven’t been given time to fully appreciate or understand (Malex) and thrust into a new one that feels weak, arbitrary, and rote by comparison.

I actually don’t object to the idea of Michael and Maria as a couple. They have great chemistry. But I do object to the lack of development they’ve given us on either front, either Michael/Maria or doing serious justice to Malex as a ship. To think all of that could’ve been solved if the writers had slowed down the show’s pacing and actually given themselves and the characters time to breathe and get to know each other, and us them.

What I feel a lot of straight/white/cis/able-bodied writers don’t seem to understand is that representation takes care. It’s great to say you’re going to write a diverse show and have lots of representation, but it’s for naught if you don’t also understand that you can’t write diversity in the same way you’d write a character coming from a place of privilege, be it racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. Part of that privilege is having a lot of generally positive understanding and assumptions about those characters already built in, especially from your viewers who share that privilege. Writing diversity takes WORK, a lot of attention to detail, sensitivity, and most of all the ability to listen. It takes a lot of consultation with people who have those experiences and know what they’re talking about, because the experiences, assumptions, and biases of nondiverse writers just can’t fully capture what minorities know and live every day of their lives. To do otherwise is how we arrive at whitesplaining, mansplaining, straightsplaining, etc. If you’re a white/straight/cis/able-bodied person and think you’ve done enough to positively represent your diverse characters, that probably means you need to do more. It’s not for you to judge how much is “enough.” That’s for your consultants and, most importantly, your viewers. And if those people are telling you you’ve missed the mark, the next best thing you can do is stfu and listen to them and try to learn how to do better, not get defensive or start patting yourself on the back for everything else you’ve done.

I think those principles can be applied to all the representation on the show, including that of POCs, the differently abled, and the queer characters. I think the writers have done enough with Michael and Alex as queer characters on their own, but they’ve missed the mark on doing enough with them together. Because--and I know this will come as a shock--part of writing queer characters is also giving us well fleshed-out queer relationships. They started off down that road, but at some point the road abruptly ended and left us as viewers feeling stranded in the middle of a desert. That’s uneven writing that results in a feeling of uneven representation, and as far as viewers are concerned, it amounts to the same thing.

Carina’s attempts to explain why they’ve done nothing wrong to viewers via Twitter and social media is sheer intentional fallacy. And while we’re at it, I’ve spent a lot of this season wanting to take Twitter away from her and throw a copy of “The Death of the Author” at her head instead. It’s not enough, Carina. What you intended isn’t enough if it’s not there on the page or visible to us on the show. As a writer she should understand that, but instead she is getting defensive of her abilities as a screenwriter and showrunner when fans pipe up to say whatever she intended isn’t translating properly. We aren’t seeing that representation, which means the writers need to do more than what they think is “enough.”

Add into that a rushed, arbitrary love triangle with an underdeveloped black female character and an underdeveloped gay POC with a disability, especially when those two characters are also best friends whose relationship is severely threatened as a result, and there’s no wonder why viewers are up in arms about this. I don’t think the love triangle makes Michael seem like an indecisive or promiscuous bisexual--and anyway, since when is being promiscuous a bad thing. It just makes him and Maria seem careless of Alex’s feelings and like Alex is the victim, which they could have avoided by taking their time with the characters/relationships, especially the vulnerable ones, or by avoiding such a lazy and unnecessarily dramatic trope in the first place, or at the very least establishing the characters and their relationships enough that our current situation felt more organic.

So really this kind of leaves us at an impasse, I think, as fans. I think people ought to keep speaking up to Carina if they think that will help, but I think it’s also important for us to be able to separate bad politics from bad writing, or at least be able to engage with them as separate things that occasionally (or frequently) overlap with disastrous consequences. I’m sure there are a lot of people who will disagree with this utterly, and that’s fine. Could be I’m totally wrong, and I am aware that I’m probably giving the writers too much credit about what they may or may not have intended.

But with regards to Alex and Michael, maybe it will help to understand what’s happening from this standpoint and tailor our approach accordingly. We really can’t take it upon ourselves to make demands upon the show in terms of what story they want to tell, but we can certainly complain when they aren’t telling that story effectively or when it alienates viewers, especially on points of diversity and representation.

But I don’t know. It could be the only way to make ourselves heard, to tell the writers when they are and aren’t doing “enough,” is to vote with our time, attention, and viewership, whether that means continuing to watch the show or stopping altogether. And that’s kind of a bummer, because there was a lot of potential. But if the quality of the storytelling is unable to make heard the voices and experiences it ought to, especially with such a receptive, enthusiastic audience, then maybe it’s time we start looking for other shows that do a better job, or better yet, continue to keep telling and creating our own.

Those are just my thoughts. Please feel free to discuss with me in the comments or via DM, because I’m still talking through this stuff and welcome the conversation and any alternate or opposing viewpoints.

I’ll be back in a bit to share a second post with my far less forgiving thoughts about Roswell’s representation of queer female sexuality, because that one’s a doozy and the gloves come off. Sorry not sorry in advance.