#blaseball headcanons

[library-whale]

RE: the Parker(s) fanart I just reblogged…

My Parkers made up after S24 (well ok Fives was the one who apologized bc OG understood why he was. Like That. And didn’t hold it against him) and became really close bc at that point they were kind of the only family they had… and it was great to have nice family for a change. (…let’s face it, Aequitas suuuucked.)

…But I won’t deny canon!Fives dunking on OG on Twitter was funny as shit and I love seeing fanart of it lmao.

[blaseballbrainrot]

[who's the pest now?]

[kikiavci]

Hey, time for another one of these!

Last time I asked how everyone thinks time works in-universe for blaseball, and while I was planning on asking about how siestas work, I think enough people answered that too that I'm gonna skip to my next thought which is:

What are Umpires?

Again, some thoughts to get the ball rolling. (And again, I am disappointed by the character limit on polls >:T)

Umpires are humans. The ability to incinerate (or alternate/curse/quest) does not change this, and may be tied to their position. Any change in eye color is not symbolic of other changes.

Umpires look human. Perhaps they were at some point. Perhaps they are possessed. Perhaps they willingly gave up their humanity to the blaseball gods in exchange for their power to Rule. Perhaps their family cashes their checks, as the thing living among them has no need for things other than Splort.

Umpires are monsters. If they were ever human, opening the book was enough to change that. They are horrible, clawing, hungry things, fire barely contained by a black mask of Law. Given their established love of Blood, I would argue this is a surprisingly textual angle.

Consider also: Perhaps, werewolf-style, these things are changed by the presence/absence/nature of an eclipse?

[tallymarkbrothers]

hello macmillans! given you’re all in alaska, i’m curious if you’ve experienced the midnight sun at all? we’ve seen how different the weather can be on the immaterial plane, but i wonder if this also occurs there too!

[artistnamedlg]

GARAGES SONGS ASSIGNED TO FANTASY HIGH CHARACTERS (AND SOME OTHER STUFF)

For context, the garages were a band who wrote songs based off a game called blaseball, mainly rock but not confined directly too it. I am assigning some of their songs to fantasy high characters for the very small subset of people who are interested a.k.a mainly me. Most of these are based off season 1 but there is influence from the others. 👍

FIG

-Pyschoacoustics: Very loud but also kinda team based! (The bigger the garage/ the better the sound/ we’re just so glad you came around)

- Vanessa tables, the cheesiest love song ever. I can totally imagine fig singing this.

- ALBUMS: either Underground (its heavy metal) or Short circuit (psychoacoustics esque, it’s so loud!!!)

- CHARACTERS THEY WOULD LOVE? Probably Betsy Trombone or Allison Abbot. Or Jaylen HotdogFingers. Big Garages Fan probably.

ADAINE

- so mediocre, it’s about not being good enough and being told your not good enough. Yeouch.

-Sidelined, same album same reason but this one ends happier cause people do believe in them :)

- the entire Kansas City breath mints team failed the bar exam,

- won’t strike out, it’s about a frog kicking ass. For everyone who doesn’t know blaseball google chorby short right now.

- ALBUMS: either unstable (the first two songs are from it) or, while not a album, The Mike Townsend Trilogy because she would one hundred percent understand the looked down on for not being good enough vibe.

- CHARACTERS THEYD LOVE? Mike Townsend, Chorby Short, maybe Sebastion Telephone cause underperforming sibling vibes. I can see her being a big Hawaii Fridays fan or more accurately Yellowstone Magics

KRISTEN

- And I mean all gods, the first line is “I need to email god because I have some issues”. Kristen would say that, 100%.

- solar eclipse, this one’s a little bit of everyone but it feels especially Kristen because of the direct callouts to god in it. She’d very much understand this one I think.

- ALBUMS weirdly enough, no clue. She would probably like the garages kill gods cause of the title and maybe pathetic/spineless cause repressed rage.

CHARACTERS THEYD LOVE? Most of the like goofy ones I think. She’d see pitching machine (a player who is an actual honest to god pitching machine) and start cheering. She would actually maybe enjoy the monitor who is a god but is also a pushover and eventually anticapitalist. Shed like Randall Marijuana if only cause he’s called “Randy weed” She’d also be a big Fridays person but I can see her being a Hellmouth Fan.

RIZ

- operation plasma (swing and a miss) it’s a song by the spies about how they want a spy to bring them stuff, riz core.

- beautiful day, I don’t know why I can very much see riz in this, half of it cause shit canonically hits the fan even harder after beautiful day.

- the unremarkable ballad of Derrick Krueger, I can’t explain this one but I think it does have slight riz vibes of like overlooked underdog at the beginning of season 1

- Albums, be my valentine cause some of the songs are very sweet and a decent amount are not even romantic in like partner partner way or percolate or lofi hip-hop brews to kill siesta/kill gods to.

- Players he’d love? Parker McMillan, he’d love the insane complexity of trying to piece them together and like interrogating their socials. He’d be a big Houston Spies fan as well, no surprise, but he’d also be a data witch or something similar on the side, just digging round in the code.

EDIT: he would also love one of my fav players, Evelton mcblase 2, a trans mad scientist who is evil and also occasionally a eel.

GORGUG

- heart full of love mouth full of blood, it’s a little romantic but also about killing to protect your friends

- Mike Townsend is back, I can see him vibing to this, especially with the goofy “I learned how to solo!!!” Part

- hurt people, it’s about desperately not wanting to hurt those around you but being unable to.

- Albums I don’t know! Maybe encore cause some of those are very hard hitting and he’d like that I think but also maybe lofi as well cause chill out vibes. Potentially Immaterial Shores which is a bunch of like sea shanty’s.

-Characters they’d like? Jaylen hotdogfingers as well, he’d understand the tradgedy. Also Theodore Duende. Definitely Nagomi McDaniel because she’s a buff as hell mother , maybe the dad versions of Lenny Marijuana. Generally the strong ones who have hearts of gold. He’d be a Dallas steaks fan (their joke is that they’re all dads or dad adjacent, they do cookouts)

FABIEN

- Top ten Tillman Henderson moments that actually happened, dude I cannot describe it but he would love Tillman, shitheel player who does the silliest shenanigans.

- Rise, I can’t really explain it but the extreme confidence mixed with the knowledge that Jaylen actually deeply regrets her revival and fame feels very Fabian.

- Betsy trombone (+ r - s version) I can’t explain it but specifically this version has Fabian feels.

- Albums. Uhhh maybe just straight up discipline, it’s super long but he’d like it I feel. Something shorter would be Caught in the Reverb I don’t know why but I think he’d like it a bit.

-Favorite Characters? Tillman Henderson, he’d love how much of a shitheel he is. I can see him also liking Nagomi McDaniel and Jessica Telephone. I can also seeing him being part of the Jaylen resurrection efforts and just supporting her girlbossing murder spree. He’d actually care if they’re good at the game, similarly he’d be a crabs fan since they’re pretty consistently good, if not the crabs then the hades tigers cause they’re sick as hell. I can also see him really really enjoying York silk because it’s a 12 year old with a gunblade who’s unironically super strong.

BAD KIDS IN GENERAL

- Well suck forever

- A horrible Mistake we will make again and again

Gilear (special edition!!)

-on fatherhood, im adding this just cause it reminds me of him. If you didn’t know people died in blaseball! That was a key thing! While figs alive this does give that vibe with how much she gets into.

[lunearobservatory]

YOU 🤝 ME in sports hell

sometimes i get so caught up in hockey i forget baseball is another super huge sport in america and the rivalries that come w it… when baseball szn started (i think? idk but like a month ago or so) i was thinking abt how their schedule would just be full of sports. baseball game in the day hockey game in the night no meetings just sports 🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸 basketball somehwere inbetween!!! i love thinking abt how much they care abt their teams and how they act about it its so fun fuck yeah SPORTS 🦅🦅🦅���🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

if u hav any specific thoughts about baseball n wttt… i would love to hear ,. ,,..

YEEEEEESSS!!!! YESSS!!!! SPORTS!!! 🦅🦅🦅🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲‼️‼️‼️‼️

Im gonna SPORTS POST omfg. Baseball and baseball thoughts yes ok.

Warning for surprisingly violent baseball content under cut!!

Bro baseball rivalries are INSANE. like SCARY AND INSANE me when. And now i have posted abt it Twice now. The ACTUAL MURDERS that have been linked with team rivalries in california!!!!

And on that note FUCK the dodgers bro. LA can suck my huge redwood sized norcal COCK. fuck OFF. 🖕🖕🖕ong if you want a wild trip, read the giants v. dodgers wiki page. Insane shit!!!!

Like. Players hitting each other with bats.

Which leads me into STATE TALK 🦅🦅🦅🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲‼️‼️‼️

NY keeps a bat on him at all times we know this. Baseball freak. I did MAKE A DUMB POST ACTUALLY WHEN THE YANKEES GOT THEY ASS BEAT LMAO. Also included in that post California losing to himself (padres v. giants)

ANYWAY that's all just stuff I've talked abt before tho!

Yk who else is a baseball freak? Mass. The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry... it made SPORTS NEWS HEADLINES recently that they traded players. It is NEWS that they even THOUGHT to do this. These two are about to give each other several near death experiences!!!

I like to think. They all have. Cute little occasional. Regional baseball games. Heehoo i like statesmen playing Sport i Enjoy. (Canada can come sometimes (the jays r cute i love them))

Ofc the northeast are all bitchy with each other but they're a scary machine. Illinois also EESHH. Washington gets a little scary into it! Mariners fans <3

[tiktaaliker]

was digging thru my WIPs and dug up this never finished go at an animation meme from maybe two years ago? tbh i really should clean this up and finish it at some point, but for now here's a surprise vess sundae recovered from the vault (aka my wip folder)

[castaras]

movin images over to tumblr from twitter, mostly blaseball nonsense this be lars taylor, of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, chattin with a star.

[charaznablescanontoyota]

marn can you talk about stevie

YES. ok. stevie monstera. to me is like

- what if the forest had a kid. not metaphorical. what if the great trinity forest gathered up some bones and clay and plant matter and so on and loved so much it made a person

- and then that person was sort of a forest cryptid and got adopted as ron monstera’s little sibling

- “””little””” is very relative here stevie is over 7 ft tall and has arms so long they have 4 sets of elbows and their fingers usually trail along the ground. they look human-ish until you take a closer look and realize they perpetually have spots where sprouts and moss and mushrooms just sort of grow On them

- extremely shy! barely talks above a whisper, says ‘um’ and ‘sorry’ a lot. gives one word answers when it can help it. has a really good sense of humor but usually only ron seb and hank are privy to it

- this is partially wiki lore but they have a musician persona named monster steve that they play keyboard and do post-hardcore songs as. also sometimes they will take on that persona for courage on the field or yelling at someone who’s being a dick or etc. its really just a literal halloween monster mask they put on but having the barrier between them and the outside world helps w their anxiety

- looks like a crying cat meme

- has the endless capacity for love that you might expect from someone who was literally loved into being. the two people closest to it (ron and seb) were alternated and then died and stevie saw them and said ‘ok i am still your sibling/best friend and i am going to be here for you and we will figure things out from there’ like!! the love was still real and their heart is so open despite the fear of being hurt

- their relationship with hank is extremely built on hank talking like 80% of the time and stevie giving one word answers and both of them knowing exactly what the other is thinking. they have a surprisingly healthy open ldr situation going on and chat on the switchboard a lot

- it and derrick can’t be in a room together because derrick thinks stevie hates him and stevie is mostly just terrified of derrick’s resting bitch face

[squarerooto]

we've got history by the garages. but it's about aequitas and namerifeht

[library-whale]

I've been meaning to draw my Parker II headcanon for a while now... for the longest time it's been "he got redacted somehow". My current theory is Abdicating did it!

(Those tattoos are embroidery, because my Parkers are, uh... not exactly human. Or alive in a "traditional" sense. Actual designs are subject to change.)

[blaseballbrainrot]

Are ask blogs with art and vague story and stuff still a thing people are interested in and would follow? I used to run some years ago and I've been getting nostalgic about it recently but I haven't seen any in ages, I have an idea on how to make one with all the Parkers but I don't wanna set it up and put all the effort in getting it running if ask blogs are a thing of tumblr past yknow

[boglebog]

[gurrent200]

Herota Layeroyo Mods: Blood Armor - Can't be siphoned. This mod is lost when siphoning another player. Batting ?? (2.4) Pitching ??? (3.4) Baserunning ?? (2.2) Defense ?? (1.6) Pregame Ritual Smiting mortals Coffee Style Flat White Blood Type AAAAAAAAAA Fate 77 Soulscream AEHAUIEAXHEOUIIIAOIEUAHEXUEEOUHIEAHIUOIXIXHUEHOAHOAIOUAIXEOOUHEEIXXXEEII Aggression ??? (3.2) Arrogance ??? (2.7) Carcinization ?? (2.4) Damage ? (1.4) Density ??? (3.0) Dexterity ?? (2.1) Dimensions ? (0.7) Effort (0.2) Focus ??? (2.6) Fun ????? (5.2) Grit ??????? (6.7) Hit Points ???? (3.7) Malleability ?? (1.5) Mathematics (0.4) Number of Eyes ??? (2.7) Pinpointedness ? (0.7) Powder ???? (3.6) Rejection ??? (3.1) Splash ? (1.2) Wisdom ? (0.5)

behold, herota Layeroyo