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vivid-ink · 1 year

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"To Know You Again" Chapter 5 - Doubt No More

Pairing: Neteyam x fem!Omatikaya OC

Summary: “Do you remember our last night here? The night before my family left?” The warm, rumbling timbre of Neteyam’s voice washed over her. “Yes,” Naia whispered. How could she forget?... She had replayed the memory of his lips over and over numerous times. One corner of Neteyam’s mouth lifted in a small smile as his eyes tracked over the delicate bridge of her nose and over her steadily flushing cheeks. His gaze stopped to rest on her lips, “You gave me something that night. I think it's time I returned it."

An exploration of what if Neteyam had to leave a girl he was close to behind when his family fled to the reefs to seek refuge. AU - Set 7 years after TWoW, exploring the many emotions and the eventual romantic reunion between Neteyam and his love.

Warnings: Adult content 18+, MDNI Content: Romance, drama, angst, fluff, sexual content, smut, soulmates, bonding. Word Count: 8.9k

Previous Chapter 4 - The Great Mother's Blessing

Leylani watched, alarmed, as Naia disappeared out through the entry flaps of the tsahìk’s hut again, tearing away through the stronghold. The basket of clean linen lay haphazardly on its side on the floor, some of its contents spilling out of its tilted form. She called out in a half-shout, very mindful of the newborn asleep in her arms, “Manaia! What’s wrong? Manaia!”

Her friend had looked a fright. Naia’s eyes had been wide and frantic, as though she had just witnessed something terrible. Her expression had turned even more stricken when she had met Leylani’s gaze, and her face had crumpled before she had snatched her belongings and fled. Something was wrong.

Lithely pushing off the backs of her feet to stand up, Leylani quickly padded back around the wooden partition to return Amiria to her napping mother with a hurried apology. Gathering her long tresses and winding it all atop her head in a knot, she lanced a couple of long hairpins through the updo to make it stay and prepared to run after Naia. Leylani strapped her hunting knife to her hip and was about to step out of the hut when the flaps parted to admit an apprehensive looking Kikuna.

“Did Manaia come back this way?” Kikuna asked, her forehead creased with worry.

Immediately connecting the appearance of this young woman with the disappearance of the other, Leylani remarked in return, “Yes, why?”

Kikuna shifted anxiously on her feet and wrung her hands, “A few of us were chatting by the washing grove. She overheard and looked upset when she left us.”

Clearing her throat and folding her arms impatiently across her bosom, Leylani eyed the young woman acutely, foot tapping tetchily on the floormats, “Well? What happened?”

Kikuna and her gaggle of friends were insipid and notorious gossips. Leylani did not even want to guess what unpleasant comments had been said that had not been meant for Naia’s ears. Likely some distasteful comment about Naia’s plain appearance… or her bland fashion sense… The former of which was untrue, and the latter meant nothing at all in the grand scheme of things, when you considered what a generous and beautiful soul Naia was, even if her tongue was sharp.

“Tupou told me this morning that Neteyam has reclaimed his role as successor.” Kikuna began carefully, “I’m sorry Leylani, I know it’s meant to be all hush-hush still, but everyone is already talking about it. We were just talking amongst ourselves about it. You’d make a strong pair, you and Neteyam.”

Kikuna’s last sentence was delivered with a beseeching smile towards Leylani, as if the compliment would somehow atone for the inappropriate nattering she and her friends had engaged in. The realisation of what Naia had overheard and what she would have surmised was like a dowsing of frigid water over Leylani. Naia would have assumed the worst and worse still, her assumption would have been incorrect based off the gossip.

This was not at all how events were supposed to unfold… Naia was not supposed to find out until Neteyam spoke to her tonight… By Eywa, no one in the wider clan was supposed to know anything yet.

*** FLASHBACK TO EARLIER THAT MORNING ***

“Neteyam, wait!” Leylani speared through the draping flaps of the council shelter, hastening after Neteyam as he strode away. Reaching out, she grasped hold of his wrist and he turned to face her. The disappointment was plain on his face, but the unwavering resolution that reinforced his decision still remained.

“You can’t convince me to change my mind, Leylani. My decision is made.”

“I know, brother. But-” Leylani breathed with an exhalation. However, Neteyam interrupted her before she could continue.

“Then there’s nothing to talk about.” He was about to turn on heel and leave when Leylani firmly took hold of both his hands.

“Hear me out, you didn’t let me speak.” Leylani chided. She squeezed his hands hearteningly, “You would rescind your decision to decline and accept if you could mate Manaia, right? What if she was your tsakarem again?”

Neteyam’s lips parted and his brows furrowed low, reading between the lines of what she was implying, “What are you saying?”

Warmth unfolded in her heart as Leylani licked her lips and prepared to give voice to her own decision. She felt no disappointment, no resentment, because she knew this was her path and was at peace with it, “I’ll step down.”

Astonishment coloured Neteyam’s face and he blinked at her, shaking his head, “I can’t ask this of you.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” Leylani pressed firmly. She graced him with a noble smile then and released one of his hands to press her palm over his heart, “This is right. It is what I must do for my people and for both of you. We’ll make things as they used to be, reinstate the original order of things.”

It appeared her words were still sinking in and Leylani could see him mulling over what they meant. Neteyam murmured, almost to himself, “That’s assuming Naia wants to be tsakarem again. She did give up the role after all.”

With a snort and an eyeroll that even Naia would have been proud of, Leylani retorted, “She gave up the role because she didn’t want to mate Tupou, because Tupou isn’t you. She is still the ideal tsakarem for this clan just as you are the ideal successor. She will go where you go. Manaia will stand by your side, trust me.”

Neteyam huffed out a laugh of delight and he pulled her into a firm embrace. No words were said, but Leylani did not need them to feel his relief and his gladness.

“Come! We must tell them. Before they dismiss for the morning.” Leylani said, tugging on his wrist again and pulling him eagerly back into the meeting shelter.

*** FLASHBACK END ***

The curse that rustled past Leylani’s lips was stifled, but still vulgar enough that Kikuna flinched in surprise. Leylani knew it was unlike herself to use expletives, but sometimes the situation warranted it.

“Tupou should never have told you, and you shouldn’t have gone and told other people!” Leylani moved to take Kikuna’s elbow, leaning closer so she could mutter by the other woman’s ear through gritted teeth.

Kikuna pouted and hissed huffily, “It wasn’t just me Tupou told. He told a few of the other warriors too. And how is it that Manaia doesn’t know? I thought she and Neteyam were close.”

“That is beside the point! Your gossiping has unnecessarily and incorrectly upset Manaia.” Leylani rebuked with pinned ears, her tail swishing crossly from side to side. There was not any way to correct Kikuna’s understanding of the situation without telling her the full truth. Considering what a chatterer Kikuna was, Leylani decided it better to give her the truth rather than leave her to potentially spread more assumptions and lies, “Neteyam’s decision isn’t final yet! He needed tonight to speak to Manaia first before the council formally made their announcement, because he won’t reclaim his position unless Manaia agrees to reclaim hers as tsakarem.”

Kikuna blinked several times as the facts settled in and then she turned to Leylani in shock, “So y-you’re not going to be mated to Neteyam?”

“No! He loves Manaia! But no thanks to you, you’ve now made it seem like he’s abandoned her behind her back!”

Kikuna paled to a lighter shade of blue and she bit her lip, realising the error and the consequence it had wrought upon Manaia. She could only squeak in response, “Oh.”

With an exasperated snarl of frustration, Leylani swept out of the hut in search of Naia. She did not regret how harsh she had been with Kikuna, but another part of her reminded her that the root cause of this situation was not, in fact, Kikuna. Another muted curse left her and she muttered under her breath to herself, “You wait until I get my hands on you, Tupou.”

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

Was it possible to go from the happiest you had ever been to the saddest in the space of one day?...

Night had fallen and it was well and truly the heart of eclipse now. Naia knelt at the foot of the Tree of Souls her hands braced against the peeling bark of the trunk as she wept. Even the unbroken flow of the ancestors’ voices through her bond with the Great Mother’s tree did nothing to soothe the upheaval in her heart.

She was well-versed with the symptoms of a panic attack. The revelation of Neteyam’s supposed re-acceptance of his birthright, and betrothal to Leylani by default, had sent Naia into a tailspin of irrational thinking. Her deepest, darkest fears had risen to the surface like a monstrous creature with sharp claws and gnashing teeth, seizing hold of her heart in its unforgiving jaws and terrorising her with her insecurities. Yet, try as she might to combat the crushing senselessness that came with the spell, Naia’s thoughts still swung from pole to pole; idyllic memories of the last few weeks warring with the ugly insecurities dredged up by her panic.

Why didn’t Neteyam say anything about the proposition?... Was that his intention all along? To return to the clan to reclaim his birthright?... But he told you he loved you; he came back for you… Then why did he keep this from you?...

Naia had fled the stronghold earlier that afternoon and her legs had automatically carried her towards the ikran rookery, intent on flying wherever her panicked mind sought to take her. She had reached the flat crag of the rookery before realising that Lortirea would still be weak from laying, so flying was immediately thrown out of the equation. Foolishly, she had let her legs carry her mindlessly and aimlessly down from the floating mountains to the forest floor, where she had continued to run herself to exhaustion.

The acute shaking of her limbs had ceased now at least, as had the painful tingling in her fingers. All that was left now were her sore muscles and scraped palms and knees where she had fallen earlier. Where her mind had reeled with irrational panic before, now it drowned in the unrelenting depths of her despair.

She could not lose Neteyam again… A woeful sob forced its way from her throat. Naia had healed the wound as best she could when his family had first left all those years ago. She had made a reluctant peace with his departure from her life, and convinced herself to be content with her memories and her girlish fantasies. But then he had miraculously returned and he had swept her off her feet with his promise of forever. So, why now had he agreed to mate another woman?...

An image of Leylani swirled into Naia’s mind, all lissom grace and stunning beauty beyond compare… The thought turned into a knife-sharp clench in her chest. Perhaps it’s obvious why, Naia… How could he resist her?... They would make a strikingly attractive pair… you would look mismatched next to Neteyam with your uninspiring plainness…

By Eywa, Naia knew she could not bear to go through life watching them together. Not after sharing what she had with Neteyam these last few weeks. Naia knew the separation would be so much worse this time, knowing what she would be losing; watching him wed Leylani; watching him start a soaia (family) with her; living with them as olo’eyktan and tsahìk... Naia felt sick and she swallowed another painful sob.

Better than Tupou being clan chief, at least… Neteyam had always been a natural leader and the Omatikaya would flourish under his leadership. However, the positive thought was of little consolation to Naia in the present moment. Her heart was selfish and it wanted to wallow in its hurt.

One of Naia’s hands flew to clutch the pendant at her throat, the only physical reminder she had that she had not dreamt up the bliss of the last while. Neteyam had given it to her, called her the most beautiful thing in his eyes… Had he lied?... Perhaps you were just a convenient roll-around in the moss while he awaited the council’s decision to reinstate him… She did not want to believe the horrid thought, but her insecurity reared its ugly head once more.

Naia knew that Neteyam had had other women. He was her first, but she was not his by any means. They had not spoken about this specifically, but there was a familiarity and a confidence in the way he touched her that spoke to his sexual experience. The idea had not bothered her before. After all, it had been her own personal preference not to explore intimacy with others. She would not begrudge him the freedom of not doing the same. But maybe she was not as special as he had led her to believe…

Naia sagged on her next sobbing exhale, uncaring that it hurt the scrapes on her palms to trail her hands forlornly down the harsh bark of the tree. Palms flat on the glowing moss, she bent forward to press her forehead against the backs of her hands, her entire form prostrate on the ground. Great Mother, please let this all be a nightmare… let me wake up and realise that none of this is true…

She was shattered both physically and emotionally. She was so tired. There was no way she would make it back to High Camp tonight. Scaling down the mountains and trekking to the Tree of Souls on foot had been a rash endeavour. There was a reason that those who wanted to visit the sacred site made the journey down on the backs of their ikran. Naia would have to spend the night here, and may Eywa protect her, lest any predators decide to make a midnight snack of her.

The pendant around her neck reminded her of its presence again as it clinked gently against the moss with her lurching breaths. She encircled the piece of jewellery in her palm, feeling the smooth texture of its looping pattern against her fingertips.

Lifting her head from the ground to sit upright, Naia unsheathed the dagger at her hip. It did not belong around her neck.

Neteyam had broken his promise, if he had ever meant it at all.

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

Leylani had been pacing at the edge of the stronghold overlooking the horizon for the better part of the evening, anxiously awaiting Neteyam’s return. No one had seen Naia since she had bolted earlier that afternoon and the small scout party that Tarsem had deployed just before eclipse had not located her anywhere in the stronghold or in the surrounding forest grounds below the mountains.

Naia’s mother had been disappointed and unimpressed to learn of the misunderstanding, but Ayepni knew her daughter and she knew Naia would not return until she was ready to. Naia had always been very independent and obstinate; she would not be found if she did not want to be. Ayepni had tried to reassure Leylani that Naia would return home when she was ready to, but this did not sit well with Leylani and it was well into the night now.

Leylani chewed on her bottom lip and wrung her hands. She had grown and learned the ways of healing and spiritual leadership alongside Naia since they were children. Naia was as close as a sister to her, and the thought of Naia thinking she had betrayed her trust too was a thorn in her side. Kicking some loose scree about with her foot, Leylani groused to herself again and wished the warriors would hurry up.

The warriors’ patrol party was late returning to base, although Tarsem had indicated this possibility to her. Their assignment today had been to patrol out to the farthest outskirts of Omatikaya territory and it was a decent journey there and back. This was a mission that was routinely done once every moon cycle to survey the land for any unusual activity or threat from neighbouring clans. The danger of the Sky People had been vanquished, but Na’vi were still territorial, and inter-clan relations were not always friendly.

Finally though, the caws and skreiches of returning ikran reverberated through the rocky cavern of the stronghold as the warriors swooped in and up to land. Leylani’s eyes zeroed in on her two targets dismounting from their beasts to her far right. She felt a dichotomy of emotions as she marched up to the pair, her relief at the sight of Neteyam sparring with her quickly firing frustration at the sight of Tupou.

“That frown isn’t a good look on you, Leylani.” Tupou jeered, though his heckle was short-lived when it became apparent in the next instant that the focal point of her frustration was him.

Jabbing him with a finger above the just-healed scar on his pectorals, Leylani spat at Tupou, “You!” She felt no remorse at Tupou’s hiss of pain and continued, “You big-mouthed bastard. If anything untoward has happened to Manaia, it will be on your head!”

The mention of Naia’s name instantly caught Neteyam’s attention and he swivelled away from his ikran to face them, “What’s going on?”

“Tupou has broken the confidence he promised you this morning! He told Kikuna and a few others that you’d accepted the proposition, except he omitted the one crucial detail that your acceptance was still dependent on Manaia’s own reclamation of her own role as tsakarem.” Leylani outed Tupou’s misdemeanour without an ounce of hesitation, and it was the maddest Neteyam had ever seen her, “And now, the entire clan is talking about it and Manaia thinks you have agreed to be betrothed to me!”

Vexed at Leylani’s attack, Tupou griped in return, “So tell her that’s not the case? I don’t see the big deal!”

“I would! Except she heard through the grapevine from Kikuna and her gossip gang and ran off upset! She hasn’t come back since!”

The news sunk in a weight of cold, stony dread into the pit of Neteyam’s stomach. It was a misunderstanding of significant proportions and he turned to glower at Tupou, “You couldn’t wait just one more day for me to discuss this with Naia first? I haven’t technically accepted yet.”

Tupou flung his arms up impatiently and emitted a harsh groan, “It’s as good as done anyway! Manaia will re-accept her old position, we know that! Why didn’t you tell her about the proposition in the first place? If she is your intended, then why did you keep this from her?”

Neteyam’s lips pressed into a thin line and his tail weaved in a low arc behind him. It was a valid point that he could not refute. He should have told her. It would have been the honest thing to do. He had known that keeping this a secret from her was not ideal, but he never envisaged his decision to do so would unravel and come back to bite him in the form of the messy misunderstanding they now found themselves in.

The simmer of unease in Neteyam’s gut began to bubble and froth with more intensity while he absorbed the full consequence of how Naia would have interpreted the situation. Eywa, she probably thought he had deserted her for Leylani…

Leylani shook her head at the misfortune of it all. She took hold of Neteyam’s elbow and gave it a pressing squeeze, “Do you know where she might have gone? She looked distraught. I hate that she has the wrong idea about all this.”

Thinking immediately of the grotto, Neteyam nodded, hoping that he was right, “I think so.”

“Tarsem said that if you don’t find her soon then he will dispatch another round of scouts. He wants to know she is safe.”

“Got it. I’ll come find you at your family’s shelter if we need to keep looking, but if you don’t hear from me then everything is alright.”

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

Hindsight was always 20/20 and regret almost always came hand in hand with it.

The night-time winds during the darkest part of eclipse were bitterly cold and Neteyam wished he had brought his flying shawl with him. In his haste to find Naia, the thought had not even occurred to him. He squinted down at the forest floor below through the whipping airstreams, searching for any sign of her. He was weary after his day’s work and even Tompa’s own fatigue was palpable through their bond as they flew. However, Neteyam’s concern for her safety far outweighed his tiredness.

None of this would have happened if he had been honest and open with Naia from the beginning.

The commlink in his ear beeped as yet another one of the other scouts reported they had searched and cleared their assigned area with no sighting of Naia. They had cleared High Camp, cleared the surrounding floating mountaintops and were now searching the forest floor in a gradually widening radius as Naia’s whereabouts continued to elude them.

Neteyam cursed under his breath. Where are you, Naia?... He would not rest until he found her. By Leylani’s accounts, Naia had been missing for hours now and though she had never been the reckless sort, part of him worried she might have done something rash in her upset.

To say that Neteyam’s heart had plummeted earlier when he had gone first to their grotto was an understatement. He had expected to find Naia there, but he had arrived to find the space vacant and cold. The rumpled nest of blankets had been as they had left it the previous night and not even a single ember glowed in the makeshift hearth. He had not been able to scent her in the vicinity and it was evident that she had not even set foot in the place that evening.

He had scurried to her family’s shelter next, in case he had missed her on her return home. However, he had been greeted by the apprehensive eyes of Naia’s parents, Ayepni and Tulut, their anxious expressions confirmation enough that Naia was not there either.

“Manaia has never missed last meal.” Ayepni had declared, and her worry had been tangible then, “No matter how angry or upset she is, Naia always comes home to eat. And then she might disappear again to go sulk wherever she goes, but she has never missed a meal like this.”

If it had not been for the dismal circumstances, Neteyam would have laughed. Naia did like her food. But this uncharacteristic departure from her routine was yet another stone on the already weighty pile of stones in the pit of his belly. Where was she?

The commlink beeped in his ear again followed by the rustle of static. The line connected and then disconnected several times, punctuated by harsh crackles and scratches like the person using it was fumbling around, inexperienced with the commlink device around their neck.

“Ah, hello? Can anyone hear me?” The voice was awkward, feminine and hesitant.

Neteyam’s fingers flew to the link at his throat, pressing the button to speak, “Leylani, go ahead. What is it?”

“I’ve found her! She’s at Vitrautral! I haven’t landed, but she appears alright, just praying.”

Balmy relief washed over Neteyam at Leylani’s words and he took a deep inhale before letting his breath rush out of him in a gust. He responded, “Copy that. I’m on my way there now.” The Tree of Souls was not far from where he was currently, it was just a bit farther out west.

Urging Tompa to bank left toward their targeted destination, Neteyam spotted Leylani departing on her own ikran in the distance. He let out an echoing ululation and returned her wave as she turned to depart for home. Leylani had insisted on joining the scout party and after Naia’s parents and himself, she was probably the next most concerned person. Neteyam had always held Leylani in high regard, both as a healer as well as a friend, but he had a newfound level of respect for her after what she had done today. Her unselfishness was truly admirable.

The dazzling vision of the sacred tree illuminated the luxuriant forest around it and Neteyam slowed on Tompa to circle the site. He spotted Naia within moments, knelt on one side of the tree’s mammoth trunk. The hallowed tree was positioned in the centre of a series of rocky escarpments which surrounded it on all sides, making it look as if it was situated within a natural geological bowl of glowing flora.

Making his descent, Tompa alighted elegantly on one of the scarps and the beast let out a low whine at the sight of Naia, who turned her head briefly in acknowledgement but remained stooped over where she was knelt. Patting Tompa’s neck in gratitude and murmuring his appreciation, Neteyam slid off his familiar’s back and carefully made his way down the steep scarp towards Naia.

Breaking into a jog once he reached flat ground, his eyes automatically scanned Naia for any sign of injury as he approached. She turned her head to face him and Neteyam’s heart squeezed in his chest.

Physically she was unharmed, but emotionally she looked broken.

Neteyam could smell the anguish pouring off her in the scent of her dried perspiration. The usually neat braids of her hair were windswept and little tendrils stuck out around her forehead and ears. Her nose was wet, her cheeks tracked with tears and her eyes were red-rimmed. Even the usually bright glimmer of the tanhì that freckled her all over were dimmed, the bioluminescent spots all flickering weakly like dying stars against the rich sapphire of her skin.

Naia did not rise to greet him and she held his gaze only for a few moments before her chin dropped to her chest again. The points of her ears turned down and her tail lay limp by her side. “Congratulations,” She croaked bitterly, her gaze still trained on her folded hands in her lap.

Shaking his head and feeling the sharp edge of regret cutting into his soul again, Neteyam’s voice was measured when he spoke to begin his explanation, “Naia, there’s been a huge misunderstanding-”

“About us? Yes, there has. One of us has made a grave misjudgement of the other.” Naia interrupted with a snap, immediately defensive.

“I’ve made a huge error in judgement, and I’m sorry. I should’ve told you so you wouldn’t get the wrong idea, so that you knew where I stood about us.” Neteyam continued, calmy disregarding her interruption.

Naia had spent hours in solitude now, stewing away with only her tumultuous emotions for company. She had alternated between praying to the Great Mother for guidance in the despairing situation she found herself in and begging her to take the pain in her soul away. Her hurt and her anger had warred, battling each other for control, swinging back and forth between bouts of tears and bouts of resentment.

However, now that Neteyam stood in her presence her ire was winning and dominating. She did not need to hear his apology for what he had done; for the woman he had chosen over her. She did not want to hear it. Her ire flared and it mixed with her burning shame. To think that she had pledged her everything to this man, let him fill her with dreamy promises, and he had so easily cast it all aside.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Naia’s tone was harsh and her big eyes were full of accusation as she glared up at him. Her face twisted into a grimace and a spurt of rage pushed her to her feet before him, “I trusted you. I let you in and let you cajole me with your sweet words, and all for nothing!”

Neteyam blinked and he took an involuntary step backward in bewilderment. Confusion bloomed within him as he regarded Naia who stood there with wild eyes and clenched fists. What was she talking about? Her chest was heaving with her breaths and tears were pooling in her eyes. She looked on the brink of a breakdown.

“Naia, what are you talking about?”

Neteyam reached for her arm and Naia exploded in a violent hiss, twisting out of his reach, “Don’t touch me! You lied! You didn’t have to say all those things! You didn’t have to make me feel special if you didn’t mean any of it!” Naia’s words rushed from her in a torrential stream, her emotions running high on the fuel of insecurity she had stoked to a fever pitch in the hours leading up to this moment. Feeling vulnerable, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders, her screams fizzling to whimpers now as she began to cry, “You told me you loved me. I let you touch me.”

Horror dawned upon Neteyam when he realised that they were not at all on the same page about the grave error of judgement they were speaking about. They were not even heading in the same direction. He was referring to his own misjudgement of keeping her in the dark about the proposition. She was apparently referring to her own error of judgement and that error was loving him. She was still rooted firmly in her belief that he had betrayed her.

Neteyam watched, momentarily dumbfounded, as Naia wept openly now. His nose twitched and he detected hints of her various emotions, all eddying around in a negative mixture that tainted her unique and sweet scent with a sour tinge. By Eywa, he understood then that she had spent most of the day and night steeping in the unbalanced state he now found her in. She was distraught and she was not thinking rationally.

His arms ached to reach out to her, but he had to be careful. He did not want to distress her further. He needed her to hear him out, “Yawntu (beloved), listen to me, please. It’s not what you think-”

But Neteyam’s words ground to a sudden halt when Naia’s arms shifted, lowering to hug herself about her waist and leaving her bare neck open to his view. His soul-gift was no longer around her neck.

A spear of panic shot through Neteyam and he gasped, “Naia, where’s the necklet I gave you?”

With a petulant sniff, Naia murmured, “Probably at the bottom the river I threw it into.”

The words were a dagger in Neteyam’s heart and his expression turned pained. His pain was followed by an unbidden surge of anger that flashed hotly through him and it manifested itself as a rancorous snarl.

Naia’s wrath spiked and she hissed in return. How dare he be upset with her?

In truth, she knew her words were a lie. The necklet lay tucked in the safety of her sling bag, but she had lied to spite him. She wanted him to hurt too. She had sliced the cord of the necklet from her neck with her dagger earlier amid her sadness, but she had not been able to fling it away. The soft part of her heart that would always yearn for him had convinced her to keep it; it was the only reminder she possessed of her time with him.

But as always, Naia’s wrath made her tongue sharp and she hurled yet another pointed barb at Neteyam, “Why? Were you hoping I’d return it to you so you can give it to Leylani now?”

The roar that tore from Neteyam’s throat was full of raw emotion; a potent fusion of his pain, frustration and regret, and Naia flinched violently at the sound.

Neteyam could see how the misunderstanding had occurred, and he acknowledged that his decision to hide the proposition from Naia had contributed to it. But what hurt him the most was the fact that she had been so quick to condemn him. She had not even waited to speak to him, to clarify, before jumping to the worst possible conclusion of his character. After everything they had shared in recent weeks, she still doubted his love for her.

“Woman! I swore my love to you not even two days ago!” Neteyam boomed, “Why do you-”

Naia interrupted once more and her voice rose to meet his, “Then why did you accept the council’s proposition and agree to mate Leylani? You didn’t even tell me about the proposition and you’ve known for weeks!”

“I know and I should’ve told you-”

“How can you expect me to believe you and trust you-”

“Naia, let me explain myself!”

“-when you kept this from me-”

“MANAIA, BE QUIET! STOP INTERRUPTING ME!”

Naia recoiled at his bellow and her mouth snapped shut in fright. Neteyam had never raised his voice like that with her. Ever. She could not recall a single incident even when they were younger of him losing his temper. She knew she could be argumentative and sarcastic, but he had always been calm and collected with her. At most he had become a little snippy, but he had never shouted at her like that.

Neteyam saw Naia wince and knew he had scared her. Her wide eyes were wary as she watched him. His first instinct was to apologise for his outburst and the words were poised on his lips, but he withheld them, and the frustrated part of him quipped that she deserved it. Interrupting was a bad habit of Naia’s; always had been for as long as he could remember.

Breathing deeply, Neteyam squared his shoulders and fixed Naia with a firm look, “You always do this, interrupt people when they’re trying to speak. Stop it. I’m going to speak now and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me until I say I’m finished.”

Still stunned, Naia gave a meek nod in agreement.

Neteyam trusted her answer, but to be safe, he decided he get the short and sharp facts out of the way first, “I’m not betrothed to Leylani. I haven’t fully accepted the council’s proposition to reclaim my birthright. Tupou is over-eager to step down and he should never have said anything to Kikuna or anyone else this morning. He only gave her half the story.”

He paused and raised a cautionary brow when Naia’s lips parted to say something, but she kept her word and she pressed her mouth closed again.

“Tarsem came to me with the proposition three weeks ago, soon after I returned to the clan.” Neteyam continued in an even tone, starting his explanation from the beginning, “I declined outright, because even back then I knew it was you I wanted.”

Naia’s ears perked up at his words and a green shoot of tenderness sprouted through the black anxiety that blanketed her heart. Although the urge to ask questions was strong, Naia made a conscious effort to just listen to Neteyam as he explained the council events of the last few weeks to her. He described how his grandmother had convinced him to make a counter-proposal to the clan council, that he would reclaim his birthright if he was not obligated to mate Leylani. He explained how the council had taken the last two weeks to deliberate and had ruled this morning to deny him his request because they wanted tradition upheld.

“I didn’t tell you about the proposition because I was afraid.” Neteyam admitted, and his gaze was sincere, “I was afraid, at first, of scaring you away with how deeply I felt for you if you knew I was banking the entire situation on being able to be with you. And then after we became close, I was afraid you’d pull away and push me to accept for the greater good of the clan.”

Naia looked dubious, but remained silent like she had promised. She briefly mused to herself that Neteyam clearly thought her much more altruistic than she actually was. She would not have pushed him away romantically to force him to reclaim his position for the greater good. After so many years of pining and after the bliss of loving him for real, she knew she would have been selfish.

It was a bold move considering the taut situation, but Neteyam had seen Naia’s eyes softening as she listened and he reached out gently to pry her wrists from around her waist. He was met with little resistance from her and he pulled her towards him to wind her arms around his narrow waist, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should’ve been open about it and none of this would’ve happened. And maybe if Tupou had shut up like he was supposed to too.”

“So why did Tupou tell Kikuna you accepted?” The words were out of Naia’s mouth before she could stop them, but it was because she sensed a lull in Neteyam’s flow of words as he was getting distracted running the knuckles of one hand over her cheek, and Naia wanted to know the rest of the story.

“Because Leylani stepped down this morning.” Neteyam breathed and Naia gave a sharp intake of breath at his words. He leaned down to kiss one corner of her mouth and then tilted his head the opposite way to kiss the other corner, “I told the council I would reclaim my birthright subject to the condition that you reclaimed your position as tsakarem.”

Naia pulled back a little to better regard him. Reclaim her position as tsakarem? The sentiment shocked her. She looked up into the face of the man she knew she would follow anywhere and give anything for. Her words eluded her though and she did not know what to say.

Neteyam filled the silence, “Only if you wish to. I’ll only reclaim my birthright if you will be the tsahìk at my side when I become olo’eyktan. But if you don’t wish to take that path then that’s fine too. I’m yours either way. You are what I came home for.”

A sudden and overwhelming shame overcame Naia and she felt rotten. With the actual truth of the situation now laid out before her, she perceived her irrationality and recognised how her inner demons had caused her to spiral into overreaction. She had assumed the absolute worst without giving him a chance to speak for himself.

Neteyam had apologised for his lapse in judgement. It was her turn now.

Pulling her hands away from his hips to cover her face when the burn of her shame forced fresh tears from her eyes, Naia whispered wetly, “Oh Great Mother, I’ve been so stupid today. I should’ve known better. I know you better. I’m so sorry, Neteyam.”

Hushing her softly, Neteyam enveloped her smaller frame in his strong arms and rubbed his cheek soothingly against her hair while she cried noisily into the crook of his neck. He felt her arms snake out from between their bodies to clutch at his back, her fingers digging with pressure into his skin, as if she was trying to press herself even closer to him. He noticed her body trembling slightly and he murmured by her ear, “Are you cold?”

Naia fought to control her hitching sobs and she shook her head, stuttering, “N-No. My muscles are j-just fatigued.”

Yet another realisation dawned on Neteyam and he remembered Naia’s ikran was out of action currently. Eyes widening in disbelief, he queried, “Did you make your way here on foot?”

“Yes.” Her response was barely a whisper.

Prying her gently away from his torso and stepping back to inspect Naia again from head to toe, Neteyam discovered her scraped palms and grazed knees. Her shins and calves were also littered with scratches and thin cuts from where, he presumed, the surrounding vegetation had whipped and snagged against her legs as she ran.

Neteyam cursed low under his breath, crushing her to his chest again and berating her softly by her ear, “You’re so stupid sometimes, Naia. It’s dangerous coming all this way on foot! You’ve hurt yourself.”

The gentle scolding only caused Naia to cry harder, “I thought I’d lost you again. I just needed to get away! I don’t know what I’d do if I had to live the rest of my life seeing you with Leylani!”

One of Neteyam’s hands cupped the back of Naia’s head against his shoulder and his other hand ran in warm strokes up and down her back, “How many times have I told you I love you? Why did you automatically think the worst of me, and Leylani too, huh?”

Naia winced a little at the recognition that she had also wronged Leylani. Sweet, sincere Leylani who was like a sister to her. By Eywa, she had been such a fool today. She did not know what to say. All she could do was repeatedly murmur wet apologies against Neteyam’s skin while she sobbed.

They stood together for a period and they remained enfolded in their standing embrace. Naia’s hitching sobs soon petered out and her breaths gradually steadied to the calming rhythm of Neteyam’s heartbeat. All the while Neteyam pacified her with whispered reassurances and gentle kisses pressed to the crown of her head.

Sniffling, Naia thought to herself that he was being too good to her. She felt undeserving of every hushed phrase and every small kiss he graced her with. Feeling much calmer now than she had since the afternoon, she snorted cynically, “You should be scolding me more. This feels like you’re rewarding my bad behaviour.”

A deep breath was pulled into Neteyam’s lungs, his muscular chest expanding beneath Naia’s cheek before it deflated again in a long sigh. Neteyam’s voice was hurt when he spoke, “I can’t believe you threw away the necklet.”

Biting her lip hard, Naia mentally smacked herself. With a grimace, she lifted her head to meet Neteyam’s pained eyes and squeaked, “I lied.”

“What?”

“I lied. I didn’t throw it away.” Naia admitted in a clearer voice, “I cut it off but I couldn’t bear to get rid of it, so I kept it. It’s in my bag.” She gingerly stepped away and moved to her bag, making a face when her thigh muscles screamed in protest as she crouched to fish the necklet out.

Cupping it preciously in her palms, she stood and presented it to Neteyam, shamefaced. The looping pendant and pearlescent beads were all intact and only the woven cord of it had been defiled where Naia had sliced it free of her neck.

Neteyam shook his head and rolled his eyes. He wanted to be angry with her, but he had never been the sort to hold a grudge and he forgave easily. Especially when it came to Naia. One look at her tear-stained face and beseeching gold eyes and his annoyance just fizzled out of him. He sighed once more, “I can make a new cord for it. And when I do put it round your neck again, it’s never coming off. Ever.”

“Sorry,” Naia peeped, her lower lip wobbling a little, “I’m sorry for overreacting and being stupid today.” Enclosing the necklet in her hands, she pressed a kiss to her closed fists. She returned to nestle it safely inside her bag again, not wanting to drop any of the beads or lose any.

“We don’t have this tradition in the Omatikaya, but the Metkayina have a ritual where everyone creates a gift for their intended mate. A gift from the soul that you present to the person you want to spend eternity with.” Neteyam said, watching as Naia’s face flushed deeply and her expression turned hangdog when she approached him again, “The necklet is my soul-gift to you. I don’t want you doubting what I feel for you anymore.”

Swallowing through an uncomfortably dry throat, Naia nodded, “I know, I just- I believe you, I do- but you can have anyone you want, so why-”

Neteyam heard and saw Naia struggle to express herself. It was unlike her in that she had always been quick-witted and well-spoken, but her self-doubt was plain as she stumbled over her words. No, he was not having anymore of this. If she could not truly comprehend through his words and actions how much he loved her, then he was going to have to show her that there was no doubt in his mind.

Closing the space between them, Neteyam silenced her stammering lips with a quick but fervent kiss before pulling away to declare, “I see you and I love you, Manaia te Txewì Ayepni’ite. Say you’ll be mine?”

The word ‘yes’ was just about to fall from Naia’s lips, but it was impeded by an abrupt gasp when she realised Neteyam had reached behind him to bring his neural queue forward from over his shoulder. The well of emotion inside Naia swelled almost to bursting point when perceived the true significance of what he was asking.

He was not simply asking her to commit to him exclusively. He wanted to bond with her, to mate her for life and beyond…

Neteyam added, “I’m sure of this. I want nothing more in this world. Your decision around whether you want to reclaim the role of tsakarem is irrelevant. Be mine, Naia, now and always?”

Naia’s heart sang for joy, the explosion of love in its depths a welcome reprieve from the icy ache that had besieged it for most of the past day. She felt the involuntary sting of tears in her eyes as her elation overwhelmed her. Thank you for this blessing, Great Mother…

Naia was unable to suppress the choked sob that slipped from her and she forced her vocal chords to work past the lump in her throat, “Yes, I love you. Of course I’ll be yours.” The dazzling smile she received in return was an image of him that would be forever imprinted into the core of her memories.

Reaching back to trail her hand down the thick braid of her own queue, Naia brought it between them to mirror his previous action. She felt Neteyam’s free hand come up to cradle her jaw, his warm fingers caressing her cheek. She placed one of her hands over the back of his and leant into the warmth of his palm. He leaned downward and she instinctively tilted her head up to his face, but it was not their lips that met this time.

Neteyam gently stopped to rest his forehead against Naia’s. They were so close that the swell of her breasts pressed against his ribs and their thighs brushed where he had one of his legs positioned between hers. Nothing existed but him and Naia in that moment, just the beautiful stillness of two souls about to be united in the presence of Eywa.

Slowly but surely, the knuckles of their hands met, bringing their neural queues together. The delicately curling tendrils of their queues interlaced with each other’s, twining into a radiant rope of blessed union. Tsaheylu.

The profound strength of their bond rocked them, their eyelids clamping shut and their mouths going slack for several moments while their hearts, minds and souls aligned. It was ecstasy like neither of them had ever known. Their hearts began to beat in time in their chests and a rush of emotion and sensation forged between them in a neural bridge.

Blinking several times, Naia’s eyes refocused on the physical image of Neteyam before her and she pulled her eyeline up to meet his. His eyes were a little watery, but a beaming smile was stretched across his face and Naia felt a surge of adoration reach her through their bond. Then, even though his lips did not move, she heard him clear as a bell in her mind. You’re so beautiful, my Naia.

An image of herself flowed through to her and it was surreal how she was looking at Neteyam with her eyes, but she also saw herself through his eyes. There were no words used to describe her, just his emotions and fragments of bright things and happy memories that he associated with her. She saw herself as he saw her and she was beautiful. Naia laughed, the sound pealing through the gently blowing leaf-strands of the Tree of Souls and Neteyam took her in his arms to kiss her passionately.

The neural bond between them was pure and harmonious, but there was another rising urge beneath their mutual flow of emotion that was beginning to engulf them. They were united mind and soul, and all that was left now to seal their bond for life was the simultaneous joining of their bodies.

Naia’s cool hands clutched at Neteyam’s shoulders and she pressed her torso tight against his, uncaring if the position meant her head and neck were craned almost all the way back to reach his face. She needed to be as close to him as possible, wanted him to be one with her body and soul. Neteyam had one arm looped firmly around her waist and its twin supported the back of her head while they lost themselves in the heat of their kiss.

It was as if they were entranced in a pleasurable daze, each fully aware of their own actions but also equally aware of the other’s. Time had ceased to pass, both entirely spellbound by the present moment they were sharing. There was no hesitation as they curled around each other on the mossy ground, arms and limbs tangling tight when they finally coupled their bodies in an intimate embrace.

The erotic pleasure was immense.

Their bond had forged between them an endless feedback loop. Naia experienced every single pulse and stroke of Neteyam’s pleasure as he moved within her, and likewise, Neteyam’s own rapture was heightened by the gratifying fullness and deep pleasure that Naia felt of him filling her. Every gasp and every moan; every kiss, every lick and stroke of hands and tongues was amplified, and all the while the depth their love was an over-arching certitude within their bond. When the crest of their pleasure eventually consumed them, it was overwhelming and experienced together at the same time.

Neteyam’s breaths were ragged by Naia’s ear, his body shuddering still through the aftershocks of their climax. He shifted and was about to raise his upper body onto his palms to roll away when Naia whimpered and clutched him to her. She looped her arms around his shoulders and hooked her ankles behind his lower back. He sensed her thoughts; she wanted to keep them joined.

I’m crushing you. Neteyam protested through their bond.

Roll us over. Came Naia’s drowsy response.

Neteyam carefully and gently rolled them onto his back and the manoeuvre was a success. They remained pleasurably fused and Naia grinned in carnal satisfaction where her cheek was pressed to his chest.

Physically, Neteyam chuckled and he sent a thought to her. We have eternity to do this now, yawntu.

Pressing a small kiss to his pectoral, Naia snuggled down against him. She had an answer for him now, had made her decision. Inhaling the musky scent of him through her nose, she sent him her answer. Yes.

Lethargic now after their coupling, Neteyam did not catch on and Naia giggled as his somnolence fed through to her through their connection. Cheekily, she poked him in the ribs, which earned her a jump and the sensation of sudden alertness at her action. She clarified this time. Yes I’ll be your tsakarem.

Naia felt a burst of approval from him and she felt him smooth his hot hands down her naked back, down until he cupped her bottom on both sides. He squeezed the soft flesh there and swivelled his hips, eliciting a sensual gasp from Naia when she discovered he was hardening inside her again. Evidently Neteyam was very pleased by her decision.

Pushing off his chest to sit upright, Naia let her weight sink down to take his entire length within her and a carnal moan purred from the man beneath her. She shot him a coquettish grin and raked her gaze slowly over the musculature of his torso, appreciating every solid line and ridge.

Neteyam was her mate now. He was hers forever. Naia could hardly believe it. All her girlish hopes and distant dreams during the years they were parted seemed so far away now in the face of the truth they would now live as one heart and one soul.

The sentiment was echoed by Neteyam and their mutual joy at being mated coursed between them in a brilliant blaze of heat. They made their vows to each other, the spirit of Eywa guiding their words as they were shared in perfect unison:

From now, you are flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. What Eywa has made one shall never be parted; day or night, near or far, in sickness or in health. I give you my life and my love, even when the day arises and the Great Mother calls you home, I will remain yours thereafter, until such time they Eywa calls me home to be reunited with you again forevermore.

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

Author’s Note: Wheeeeee! Our two lovebirds have mated! Bring out the sugar, wine and the fluffies to celebrate!

This was supposed to be last chapter, but I’ve decided there will be a short epilogue that will be uploaded as the next chapter.

I’ve got some lovely fluffy ideas for the epilogue, but what would you all like to see? I’m happy to take requests, though I can’t guarantee I’ll use your idea(s) as it will depend on whether it fits with my vision of Neteyam and Naia. The epilogue will be set in the near future.

Share your thoughts and emotions with me, my lovelies. Throw me your epilogue requests. <3

Thank you again, as always, for all your support, comments and kudos. Writing for you all is such a JOY.

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redroomroaving · 30 days

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Snippet Thursday 🫶

Thank you for the tag, lovely @captainsigge!

A little bit of something from some upcoming Painsharers aka Soup (Donnick x Abdirak) that is boiling for you, Sigge!

Donnick stepped over to her, giving her a quick smile, as if his whole stomach had not just flipped over on itself, and held the pot. “Alright,” he said, trying to quickly return to their conversation, “the best bit of advice you can get - add more than you think.” Bramble peered into it. “Go on,” he said, offering it again, “show me what you’d add.” Bramble nodded and, reaching in with her small hand, pulled a pinch from within and cast it into the bubbling pot. Donnick waited a moment, to see if she’d add anything more, but she didn’t, just looked at him, expectantly. He held her gaze a moment longer, letting his brow raise slowly. She winced. “Not enough?” She asked, nose wrinkling. Donnick gave her a small smile, shaking his head. “About a fifth of what you need,” he said, and gestured then to the pot of stew to her side, “it’s as tall as you are, Bramble - don’t be stingy, or it’ll be insipid.” Bramble frowned. “Insipid?” Donnick hadn’t really realised he’d used that word, instead of bland, which is sort of what he’d meant to say. “Oh,” he corrected himself quickly, “you know - flavourless.” “Huh,” Bramble reached for another pinch, and then scooped up more or less a palmful instead, which she threw into the water, before putting on a little bit of a refined, plummy tone to repeat the word, “insipid.” A brief, momentary smile, shared between them both - a small glance, of a secret shared.

No pressure tags to the lovely @graysparrowao3 @lemonsrosesandlavender, @ankhegs-in-my-salad and @kimberbohwrites

#snippets #wip tag game #tag game #abdirak x donnick #donnick x abdirak #roaving stuff #painsharers #bg3 donnick #brother donnick

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tailoroffates · 1 year

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Writing Tips #1 - the 5 senses

Here is a little list of different words you can use to describe the 5 senses. Below I've included many examples of words that may be synonymous with a sense or sensation that writers commonly want to describe. Hopefully now you won't sit there for an hour trying to think of a different way to say "the smell was smelly..." :D

Sight

Admire, examine, eye, eyeball, focus, gape, gawk, gaze, glance, glare, glimpse, glower, goggle, inspect, look, mark, note, notice, observe, ogle, peek, peep, peer, perceive, recognize, review, scan, search, see, sight, spot, spy, stare, survey, view, watch, witness.

Sound

To hear - catch, detect, eavesdrop, listen, overhear. A sound - din, noise, note, resonance, sound, tone, tune. A pleasant sound - angelic, harmonic, harmonious, mellifluous, melodic, rhythmical, sonorous, symphonic, symphonious, tuneful. An unpleasant sound - boisterous, clamorous, deafening, ear-piercing, ear-popping, ear-splitting, grating, monotonous, noisy, piercing, raucous, riotous, rowdy, shrill, whiny.

Scent

To smell - inhale, scent, sniff, snuff, whiff. A scent - aroma, fragrance, odor, perfume, scent, smell. No scent - deodorized, odorless, scentless, unseasoned, unscented. Good smells - appealing, delightful, divine, enticing, exquisite, heavenly, luscious, mouthwatering, pleasing, rich, savory, tantalizing, tempting, well-seasoned, zestful. Bad smells - awful, detestable, disgusting, fishy, foul, gross, loathsome, malodorous, nasty, nauseating, noxious, odious, offensive, putrid, rancid, rank, raunchy, reeking, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, sickening, stinky, tainted, unappealing, unpleasant.

Taste

To taste - lick, sample, savor, sip, slurp, taste, test. A taste - bite, morsel, mouthful, nibble, sample. Pleasant tastes - appetizing, delectable, delicious, delish, divine, flavorful, flavorsome, luscious, mouthwatering, palatable, pleasant, pleasing, rich, savory, scrumptious, tantalizing, tasty, well-prepared, well-seasoned, zestful. Unpleasant tastes - bland, burnt, detestable, disgusting, distasteful, dull, fishy, flat, flavorless, gross, insipid, loathsome, nasty, nauseating, offensive, oily, rancid, rank, raunchy, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, savorless, sickening, tainted, tasteless, unappealing, unappetizing, undesirable, unpalatable, unripe, unsavory, unseasoned, vapid.

Touch

To touch - brush, caress, cuddle, dab, embrace, fell, frisk, grab, grasp, graze, handle, hit, hug, itch, nudge, pat, paw, pinch, poke, rub, scratch, smooth, snuggle, squeeze, sting, strike, stroke, tag, tap, tackle. Rough surfaces - bearded, brambly, bristly, bumpy, bushy, chapped, choppy, coarse, craggy, grainy, gritty, hairy, jagged, knotty, leathery, lumpy, matted, prickly, ragged, ridged, rocky, rugged, sandy, scraggy, scratchy, stony, tangled, unshaven, wiry, wooly. Sharp surfaces - barbed, briery, horned, jagged, knife-edged, needlelike, peaked, pointy, pronged, ragged, raggedy, razor-sharp, ridged, rivetted, serrated, spiked, spiky, spiny, splintery, tapered, thorny. Smooth surfaces - creamy, flat, flowing, fluid, flush, glassy, glossy, polished, satiny, silky, sleek, slick, slippery, smooth, velvety, waxy.

I hope this little list helped, and that your following days are blessed to be the best! <3

#writing tips #writing advice #writing help #writerslife #writeblr #amwriting #creative writing #writers of tumblr #TOF

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scoobydoodean · 7 months

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Sastiel 😜

Ask game

Why don't I ship it: Imagine eating an entire container of reduced-fat offbrand mayonnaise with a spoon. That is how I feel about about this ship. There is nothing there. No flavor. No spice. Soggy mayo sandwich between two slices of that white bread you get at the grocery store that gets stuck in your gums when you chew. Bland. Uninteresting. Boring. Insipid.

What would have made you like it? Sam and Cas's relationship would go a lot further and feel a lot more genuine for me if they held each other accountable instead of expecting Dean to always take care of all of that. It comes off as an utter lack of interest or care for one another no matter how often (which honestly isn't that many times) they try and pay lip service to the idea that Sam an Cas care about each other. Like. SPN can tell me Sam and Cas care about each other. But to interest me in a ship I need to be shown that they do. I think there's one scene in the entire series where they manage to pass the bechdean test. There is no development to their relationship. Alternatively, if they continued hating each other enough (re: season 4/5) I think they could have hate fucked about it. This is the dynamic that should have continued so it could entertain me personally.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? No.

#thank you for this laura i know you knew what i would do jshdbfhshgdvf #the only thing worse than s*stiel is most of the shippers who are overwhelmingly some of the most deluded dean crits on the planet #mail #ask game

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creature-wizard · 1 year

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This post I reblogged about whiteness hurting everyone is also relevant to the topic of New Age spirituality. New Age is essentially a new manifestation of whiteness, open to anyone who's willing to give up their authentic traditions and assimilate into this bland, insipid attempt at spirituality.

It's also designed to prey on those of us who are already culturally alienated.

You feel alienated for reasons you can't quite put your finger on? You feel yourself missing a family from long, long ago? Oh sweetie that's because you're a starseed and you miss your star family. Come and join your Soul Tribe in your Family of Light and everything will be all right. :) :) :)

Most of those who are deep into the New Age moment are (at least right now) incapable of understanding that a big reason some people resist New Age is because we're aware that this is just a new manifestation of the thing that caused this pain in the first place. We know that this movement is just going to hurt us and others again. We know that it's going to be weaponized against people - some far more than others. We know that New Age is already at the stage of dehumanizing the resistance, whether they're claiming we're evil reptilians or clones without souls.

Fact is, people don't just resist New Age because they don't have enough love and light in their hearts. Many resist it because they can see it for the monster that it is. We know the patterns of this beast. We remember the pain of its bite in the scars it left us with. We aren't interested in being mauled again.

#assimilation #cultural assimilation #colonialism #cultural colonialism #spiritual colonialism #starseeds #starseed #new age spirituality

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deltaengineering · 6 months

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Winter Anime 2024: Payday

Metallic Rouge

Metallic Rouge hasn't ended yet, but I am quite certain that at this point it's unsalvageable. I can give it one thing: it's going for a specific ~vibe~, and nails it. Why anyone would want to evoke the ~vibe~ of "deservedly forgotten 2000s sci-fi seasonal" is beyond me (I won't provide an example, because if I could remember it it wasn't forgettable enough), but there you go. Truly, Bones have outdone themselves with this celebration of their 25 year legacy.

It's hard to even start, but the one thing everyone is certain about is as good as any: The plotting and structure of this show is a complete mess. Some consider this "ambitious", but I don't think an ambition of "let's throw in every half baked thing we can think of and try to glue it together with proper nouns" is worth celebrating. We've got insipid and illogical worldbuilding that ultimately goes nowhere, brave political statements on the level of "slavery sure is bad but don't be rude about it", metaphor bombshells like a character who schemes behind the scenes and styles themselves the "puppetmaster" and constant plot twists that explain things long after I've given up on even trying to make sense of anything. That's where the ~vibe~ comes from: everything that has ever vaguely annoyed you in a mid anime is somehow in this one all at once.

This wouldn't be so bad if it had characters that are entertaining on their own, but here we meet the most bizarre creative decision: the one thing it has going for it is the Diet Dirty Pair banter between Rouge and Naomi, which elevates a few episodes to "decent", but of course they spend half the show seperated. And by themselves, Rouge likes chocolate and is as dumb as a brick with charisma to match, while Naomi is sassy and mysterious and that's it. The rest of the characters (and naturally, there are far too many of them) are either irritating or at best just bland.

So if this is Bones pulling out all the stops, at least you should expect the production values to be high, but even that is a mixed bag. Metallic Rouge looks quite mediocre for the most part until it's time for a dedicated Sakuga Cut™, which might be a fight or alternatively just a random one of the dozens of boring hallway conversations (that Crunchyroll of all things is treating this as a joke really says it all). And even the fights aren't all that great, because this show somehow manages to have bad sound mixing and music beds that I'd call interesting in theory but don't work well as a score. At least it has a stellar OP, but even that seemed a lot better before the show actually came out.

I might bump up the score a point if it ends exceptionally well (which it won't), but even in that case... it's still bad. Please go back to sourcing your deep plots from Weekly Shounen Jump, Bones. ~3/10

Bucchigiri...

Bucchigiri..., on the other hand, has the exact opposite problem: While Metallic Rouge is a convoluted tangle of inconsequential plot, this show is just happy to phone it in. It almost feels like a rerun of fall 2021, where Metallic Rouge is the new Fena and Bucchigiri... is the new Takt:Op. It leaves an agreeable first impression, with a bold, colorful look, unusual setting, expressive direction and kinetic animation – but everything not entirely superficial is an excuse, and a "dog ate my homework" level of excuse at that. If all you want is bromantic burly brettyboys going through the motions, get your fanfic pen ready, but don't expect the show itself to provide significantly more than character designs. It doesn't help that the main character is particularly bad, with his gimmick being "annoying disinterested horndog". These non-characters keep going in circles slapping each other's asses and being not very funny for two thirds of the show, until a very generic "sensitive best friend is tempted by evil" drama plot appears because even yaoi shippers realize that eventually something has to happen, which boils down to Matakara going around slapping everyone's asses again, but now it's supposed to be sad. And then that doesn't work at all, because for character drama you need characters. Who knew.

Of course the funny bit is that this is pretty much what I asked for. I gave SKOO shit for only being good at the wacky parts while the heartfelt drama and more fleshed out characters fell flat. Well, now the director's followup work is just the wacky bits and feels completely hollow for it, and then the exaggerated drama lacks anything to back it up. Maybe just do better, I suppose. Oh yeah, and this also hasn't ended yet but with how completely predictable it is I feel like I've already seen the final episode. ~4/10

Undead Unluck

You can take the Shounen out of the Jump but you can't take the Jump out of the Shounen. I don't usually touch the Weekly Shounen Jump brand for good reasons, but Undead Unluck definitely had one of the strongest first impressions for one in a long time, if only because it has leads that aren't Goku and Vegeta again. But it also had a flashy, devil-may-care attitude with absurd nonsense happening left and right, a bonkers setting that is actually interesting in its own right and production value to back it up. In short, it was Fire Force with arguably better characters. When it's firing on all cylinders, Undead Unluck is a very fun time.

The problem is that Undead Unluck is firing on all cylinders about as often as a Cadillac V8-6-4 with a flaky ignition distributor. Primarily it has a massive padding problem: The amount of recapping and flashbacks to things that just happened is patently ridiculous and I say that as someone who has watched two seasons of My Hero Academia. If you include things like OP and ED, I feel like calling roughly a third of this show's runtime literally repeated content is not a wild exaggeration. And that's only literally repeated content – since this is Weekly Shounen Jump, there is also a lot of restating of facts and tedious explanations. I can't even blame this just on Jump Editorial, because a lot of the time it seems to be in service of hitting the right cliffhangers – but if both source and adaptation have severe pacing issues, it all compounds to the worst pacing in any show I've seen a considerable amount of.

And then, even in the coinflip of time when it's actually doing anything, it's obviously not always at its best either. This is honestly acceptable from a show that goes wild – with these you have to take the bad with the good. I didn't care much for the lazily metafictional final arc for example, but it would be perfectly fine if it didn't (quite expectedly at this point) do its core statement twice in as many episodes in a row, only with more screaming the second time. It's good when it's good, sure, but it would have to be outstandingly brilliant to make the whole thing worth it – which it isn't, so it's not. 5/10

Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete (Gushing over Magical Girls)

My standard line regarding any extra spicy fanservice anime show has always been "you know you can find real porn on the internet easily, right". Gushing over Magical Girls (which is, aint gonna lie, a genius title translation) is a pretty good example why: Even though it is pretty damn explicit, it still isn't on the level of actual porn, and then the extended moaning and wriggling sequences just take up so much of the time that it gets tedious pretty fast. And a lot of the "other" content of the show is just blatantly an excuse to make the porn happen. There's some edgy comedy too, but I think characters like Kiwi are more annoying than anything, so that didn't do much for me either. Then the middle section of the show is an excursion where our protagonist villains go sex up a couple of more villainous villains, which feels like it's missing the point even by its own standards. Also, be aware that with hentai content come hentai production values, and this one is definitely below average. None of this is particularly unusual.

However, I kept watching this one, and the reason is pretty simple: I don't actually object to spiciness in principle, and in the beginning the show did a pretty good job of portraying Utena's awakening to a bunch of fetishes. That she then started an awkward on-and-off anonymous BDSM relationship with an actual magical girl was even better. I honestly have to say that this is a brilliant concept, even if it wasn't executed to a level where I was certain it was intentional. Also, while it's arguably the "main plot", it's a fairly small part of the show and when it didn't show up much in the middle I was sure the show had lost me. I do have to admit though that against all odds, Gushing does stick the landing, with a final episode that really pays off that plotline in the best way you could reasonably (see above) expect. It's a bit of a rough ride, but this show delivers.

So I'm two minds about Gushing over Magical Girls. If you just consider it a hentai OVA that somehow escaped to television (which is not an unreasonable standpoint), it feels surprisingly ambitious and well thought out. But as a regular TV show, it just has too many weaknesses to ignore. Still, even though I can't call it good, I still think it's a more interesting curio than the score might make it sound. 5/10

Hime-sama "Goumon" no Jikan desu ('Tis Time For "Torture", Princess)

Oh no, this has "torture" in the title, what could it mean? Yeah, I think at this point everyone knows that it's a joke (one might even say... The Joke) and let's leave it at that. It feels like every season there's some fluffy and cute comedy that I quite enjoy for no profound reason. The Alleged Torture here simply doesn't do anything wrong, manages to find just about enough angles to its one joke to not get boring, and features nice designs and enough production value to deliver a smooth ride all the way to the end. It occasionally does something beyond its one joke, and that tends to turn out cute and chill as well, like Tortura's modest OL home life. Really the only thing I don't like about this is the manzai reaction antics of the sword – explaining the joke is always questionable, but it's especially so when there is exactly one punchline that never changes. In any case, this one is hardly essential and there are many others like it, but sometimes you just want something sweet and inoffensive that still puts the effort in. And this is definitely one of those. 6/10

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto (Apothecary Diaries)

I feel like I should like this show a lot more than I actually do. This is because it is made of great ingredients: Very nice looks, a setting with tons of potential, mostly interesting characters and in particular an amazing main character. Maomao is just great, she has tons of personality and a funny oddball charm that is tempered by a smart and stoic attitude. The beginning of the show, where Maomao plays the streetwise intruder into the stilted world of court intrigue and manages to cut through the bullshit like nobody else could, is pretty excellent.

However, as the show went on, it became clear that I just don't agree with the direction the plot takes. Of course it turns out that Maomao is actually deeply involved into the court drama in half a dozen ways (without ever telling the audience about it, which smells of retcon). Of course the focus shifts to other characters like Jinshi or later on Lakan, who are far less interesting. Of course there is a romance with Jinshi on the horizon. I don't want to be that guy that is mad that a show doesn't turn out to be what they had wished it to be, but it's still a letdown.

And that's not mentioning that the daily business of the show, various levels of detective work, is hardly solid gold either. It's just bad at mystery writing – most "cases" turn out to be massively contrived and then Maomao walks in and just guesses the solution out of nowhere. The large-scale mystery (who is Jinshi, really?) is not much of a mystery at all but Maomao can't figure it out because apparently she has to solve these complicated and tiny problems before she can realize the simple and obvious large one. And then there's the drama, which is effective enough in the moment but seems to be mostly built on a foundation of allegedly smart people acting much more stupid than they should.

So overall, I think this is still a good show simply because Maomao is fun to watch no matter what, but I just don't think the writing can quite hold up its part of the bargain, and that is kind of a bummer. 7/10

Yuuki Bakuhatsu Bang Bravern

Bang Bravern arrived with a simple, but quite amusing thesis statement: What if you had a tacticool, Armored Core-like mecha setting but then everything changed when a super robot show invaded. That's pretty funny. It also just so happens that Masami Oobari knows that the likes of Top Gun tend to have a certain undertone, and also made Bang Bravern explicitly homoerotic. That's even funnier. Add to this the fact that the epic super robot action genre is inherently hilariously over the top, and you have the makings of a very amusing show. Now, I could just leave it at that, because that's what Bravern is. An over the top and self-aware love letter to the super robot shows of old, with a couple of additional comedic angles.

In other words, it's like all super robot shows that have been made in the last two decades. Yeah, Bravern is undeniably quite entertaining, but I also don't think it's anywhere as unique as people seem to think it is. The "super in a world of reals" joke in particular doesn't really come into play that often, apart from when that side of the show keeps introducing dozens of characters that then proceed to not do anything apart from standing on the sidelines. The gay love affair does matter more often, but seems to run into diminishing returns because once you've done "come inside me" (which it does in like episode 3), you really have nowhere to go. And besides those two, well... it's charmingly exuberant and features all the goofy tropes, but it lacks the absurd hugeness of a TTGL or the meaningful subtext of a Gridman – and that's only shows that I have actually seen as a non-fan of the genre. I suppose fans will gladly take it anyway, because the genre is somewhat rare nowadays, but Bravern doesn't exactly blow me away. Still, you can't deny the fun. 7/10

Sousou no Frieren (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End)

So here we come to the big dog. The show that's pulling Doraemon numbers on Japanese TV, has been riding a comfortable #1 spot on MAL for months, and has inspired an unfathomable amount of porn. And the real surprising thing is that it's the first show in a very long time that I think comes even close to deserving that level of hype, especially early in its run when it absolutely isn't the kind of show you'd expect to do this – apart from the production values being about as good as TV anime gets, naturally.

Frieren starts out as an uniquely focused narrative that explores as many angles as it can out of a complicated mess of legacy, memory and regret through the lens of a pretty simple and generic RPG trope. It achieves this almost entirely through one of the best casts I've seen in a long time – Frieren may not be quite as charming a protagonist as Maomao, but she has much more depth and more importantly, every character that matters in her show is almost as good, and their relationships are even better. In its first-cours adventure mode, when we're just wandering around having more or less episodic encounters and plot points that drift in and out of focus with a wistful tone but splashes of goofy comedy, Frieren is quite excellent and would have been my show of last year if I had considered it eligible.

But then it slams in a new gear with the elegance of a tractor driver who thinks clutches are for pussies. Suddenly we're doing a proper Shounen Exam Arc and we're getting a lot less of this and a lot more of this. Now to be fair, this is a long running manga and it probably could not have kept doing flashbacks to Frieren being too dense to realize that Himmel was hitting on her 80 years ago forever. But still, the mage examination arc just really isn't Frieren at its best. It's not even that the content is particularly bad (maybe apart from the really quite rough beginning), and I do understand the long-term benefits of introducing a bigger cast of characters for future use, especially when they turn out to be quite good eventually... but it all just takes way too long. There's still great moments here, but that's usually a small segment of the established good stuff or, failing that, Frieren dropping a sick ass spell. Yeah, I won't even blame this on the action, because said action is incredibly well done and still quite brief, but you really didn't need a full season of theorycrafting and skill discussions to get those explosions. In short. Frieren temporarily turns into Full Metal Alchemist with better leads, and while this would be high praise for almost any shounen manga, it isn't for the one that has demonstrated it can do far better.

There is one real upside to this distraction arc though: Unlike, say, the plot problems of Apothecary Diaries that are here to stay, none of this irreversible, which Frieren immediately makes clear by snapping back to its best behaviour the second they leave the designated raid zones. The ending is as good as any part of the show, with the skillful writing and great tone we have come to wish for. Frieren may not be as consistently excellent as it first appeared, but it is still pretty damn good – and not on a purely superficial level either, because it obviously can have outstanding writing when it wants to and the fundamentals are rock solid too. 8/10

Yubisaki to Renren (A Sign of Affection)

And the top spot of the season goes to... a show that may not be the most ambitious, but does absolutely nothing wrong. Yubisaki to Renren is a fluffy romance where a very cute girl meets a very nice boy, and then no drama happens because not everyone in the world is a fucking idiot. I think my delight with this says more about the absolute state of romance anime than it does about the show itself, but I also have to say that while the plot of this show might be simplistic, it takes great care to set everything up in such a way to get away with said simplistic plot.

Obviously the core of the setup is that Yuki is deaf. But, quite smartly, the author doesn't make the story about Yuki's problems with not being able to hear, but rather about how her world is just... limited. And Itsuomi is a dude with an uncommonly wide worldview and experience. Opposites attract, and there you go. The show basically gets all the grounding it needs from that simple setup for free, then throws in a bit of complicated history among the larger cast. Then just make Yuki incredbly cute and Itsuomi an uncommonly levelheaded adult who will take measures to prevent any pointless drama before it gets out of hand, and you have a show that's just 100% a good time all the way through. So the leads (i.e., the thing that matters way above all else in a romance) are great, and the rest of the cast is more than fine too, even those who would instigate such drama – it can't get annoying, because they never succeed.

Really if I had to say something negative about this show it would be that it's still superficial compared to a show at its skill level that does go hard. I mean, it's about two nice people falling in love and nothing goes wrong, which isn't exactly a lot. There is maybe also the idea that Itsuomi may be a bit too perfect, but I'm just more than happy to see a male lead in a shoujo romance that is neither an abusive jerk nor a bland cardboard cutout. In a perfect world, something like Yubisaki to Renren should feel a bit bland and generic, but in the real one, there just isn't much like it. 9/10

#anime #review #winter2024 #metallic rouge #bucchigiri?!#gushing over magical girls #undead unluck #hime sama goumon no jikan desu #kusuriya no hitorigoto #yuuki bakuhatsu bang bravern #sousou no frieren #yubisaki to renren

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justplainwhump · 10 months

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Mac

A short character intro of some sort, for the character that has lurked in the background of Adrian and Blanca's story since their very first chapter. The sixth guard dog.

[Pet Safety Masterlist]; this piece is referencing [Favor].

Content / warnings: BBU, (indirect) dehumanisation, captivity, briefly referenced/implied noncon.

In the nights in his cell - or kennel, rather, he didn't know why but there was a difference and it made his stomach uneasy - Mac had a lot of time for thoughts. And he used it. He thought about fights, about technique and strategies, about his opponents and their strengths and weaknesses. He thought about winning, about the feeling of triumph, and how stale it was. Like the tasteless, grayish mass that came from a dispenser in the kennel wall, a viscous nutri-shake, that fell into a stainless steel bowl welded to the floor. Victories in his fights were just the same. Bland, insipid, and utterly necessary to survive.

Mac pulled down the lever and watched more of the nutri-shake fall into the bowl. Sometimes he thought about how long he'd have to hold it down until the room would be flooded. Sometimes he wondered, if the person he'd been before would've known how to calculate it. The pet he was now sure did not. He stared down at the food below him, let himself sink to his knees before he bowed down to eat it. He'd never been further from being a person.

He'd been allowed to eat at a table, real food, with taste and consistency, back at his owner's place. He'd had the others to talk to, Guards, like him. They hadn't been what people called *friends*, he wagered, at least he hadn't actually liked them, but they had existed together, shared a life and the dedication a common goal - to keep their master safe and satisfied. They hadn't been friends, but in lack of better terms, they'd been a pack.

Here, everyone like him was an adversary, who'd fight him to the death the next day or another. And those not like him were the ones who didn't care about if the others died, or Mac did.

It was exhausting. A feeling that wasn't going to bring him anywhere. That was why when Mac had time for thoughts, he didn't think too much about his pack.

He thought about his owner.

—

Jack Donnell took great pride in his belongings, and that had always included his WRU-trained Guards. Six of them, all of the same height, featuring the same dark hair, same broad shoulders, same mannerisms. He employed a retired WRU Guard handler for some hours a week to make sure the Guards worked like one. He also bought the consulting services of a WRU Romantic Trainer - not for the Guards to be involved directly, but to make them part of intricate designed "scenes" that Mac learned to hate.

Jack wanted to be a ruler, a conqueror, and every once in a while he loved to dress his Pets up in accurate costumes, only to make them submit to him in every scenario possible.

Mac had endured. He'd been a good pet. Until the day a new business partner of Jack's had shown up with his Romantic.

Blanca.

Blanca was petite, with the sort of auburn hair that could look dark brown in one moment and light up like fire in another, with a seductive sway to her hips, full lips that curved into a knowing smile and clothes so tight they left nothing about her curves to the imagination.

Hot, Mac knew he was supposed to think.

He didn't.

Please spare her from this, he'd thought instead and closed his eyes. Prayed, almost. As if he knew, how to.

As if there was a God who'd listen to a pet. No. Their only Gods were their owners.

And while her owner had all but fled the room and left his subject in the hand of another, Mac had stayed by the door, standing at attention, while he watched his master brutalize her.

It took hours.

And after Jack was done, he'd simply smiled to himself, sauntered towards Mac without another look at the broken figure of the Romantic behind him, and patted Mac's cheek. "Good boy," he'd said, and left.

That moment had been the first in Mac's conscious life, that he'd felt something a Pet was never supposed to feel.

He'd felt hatred. Plain, pure, seething hatred, for the one man he was supposed to love.

He'd felt it every day since.

tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed): @gottawhump @flowersarefreetherapy @whumplr-reader @highwaywhump @tauntedoctopuses @pigeonwhumps @whumppsychology @labgrowndemon @whumpinggrounds @somewhumpyguy @whumpzone @tragedyinblue @theelvishcowgirl

#pet safety series #bbu #jack donnell #the sixth guard dog #mac the guard dog #blanca #whump #noncon implied #dehumanisation

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photoblogdujour · 1 year

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If you can face the sky, you're ready for anything. Follow along for more pablum and bland insipid inspirational messages from the home of the bland insipid inspirational message and hokum center. We also serve donut holes in the cafeteria. Now carry on with your day, fully inspired and ready to do battle against the Gorgon, Dragon, Orc or Troll in your life.

#osteospermum #flower of the day #flowers of tumblr #original photographers #photographers on tumblr #macro photography #flowers on tumblr #inner life of flowers #macro flower

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bethanydelleman · 1 year

Note

I read today that Jane Austen’s own mother didn’t think much of Mansfield Park, and thought Fanny Price was “insipid.”

My girl Fanny is always called things like dull, boring, bland..... the list goes on and it makes me very sad :(

Well, Jane Austen's own mother was WRONG.

#that's all I have to say about that #fanny price defense squad #fanny price isn't insipid #fanny price #mansfield park #question response

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dendelrose · 7 months

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i obsess over my own identity in relation to others while my soul rots inside of me. i've watered myself down so much that i'm insipid, i try to be palatable to others. so much that i taste bland.

forgettable.

#literature #words #tumblarians #writers on tumblr #writing #poetry #writerscommunity #prose #poets on tumblr #reading #dendelrose

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dreadwedge · 2 years

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you are not Corn

You can only wish you could be so succulent and delicious as a ripe ear of corn. You wish you had the depth of flavor, that you had so many glistening, perfect kernels of yourself. You want to be shucked. No. You need to be shucked. Say it. Yet you have no delicate, silky husk to shed, no vegetal armor to be ripped vigorously from your body, and were I to humor you and taste your insipid flesh, it would go down smooth, like green beans boiled to bland mush. Oh, but you fancy yourself a force of nature, a quarrelsome sparring partner, a thorny stalk standing high in the blistering sun. You imagine you would stick between my teeth, pierce my flesh, linger in my memory and at my gumline for days after the fact. Ha! You have no backbone, no conviction, no cob. I would not need even to chew, let alone cut. A brace-toothed juvenile could swallow you whole, for you present nothing to brace for. You are unfit to be boiled down for syrup. You are not corn. You will never be corn. You will never know half of what it takes to be even baby corn. If you must call yourself corn, then let it be known you are the soft shell in the bottom of a days old microwavable paper bag, too timid and vacuous to to make a sound. You have nothing to express, and no amount of salt or butter can hide it. Motherfucker

#dreadwedge

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heymeowmao · 11 months

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2023.10.12 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324956083041992822

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. Long time no see!

C: You haven’t streamed in so long I almost left the fandom. LYN: Is our friendship so thin, now? They all say that “君子之交淡如水” (a gentleman’s friendship, insipid as water), but this is too bland. I’ve only not streamed for about a month and you want to leave?? It’s not worth it, is it? C: If you didn’t stream I would have deactivated my weibo. LYN: Are you threatening me, or weibo? If you’re threatening weibo, then there’s really no need. They’re such a big platform, they won’t miss a single consumer in you. But if you were threatening me- see, I’m here now, right? I came obediently to stream. I got off work today, came home, didn’t even wash my face, and started streaming. Because I don’t have very many fans lately, so each one of you is very important to me. C: I’m with you for life. LYN: Thank you. Thanks for giving me a sense of security.

LYN: It’s just been a long time since I streamed last. Someone told me it’s been 32 days. That’s nearing a record-high for me- consecutive days without streaming. That’s rare. Some of you who have lots of talents have already made videos and such- I’m sure you’ve already seen them, I have. I have to give you a thumbs up for your talents. I think you’re really great! LYN: I was planning on resting for a few days. This drama is about ready to wrap up- at least my parts. I’m sure you have spies or whatever, and you all know what time I get off of work every day. So you’ve known that I’ve been busy lately, and sometimes I leave in the middle of the night. I really haven’t had any time to stream. I hope you can understand.

LYN: There are also some other friends who have said, “It’s been a month since I started liking LYN. I’ve never seen a live stream.” I might have some new fans, who came in the past month, and it’s just bad timing that I haven’t been streaming. Don’t worry though, I’ll make it all up later. I’ll do my best to stream more- as long as I’m not busy. But if my drama schedule is tight, then there’s no need- as a singer or an actor, the more important thing is to have works to show. C: You’ve started making pies again. LYN: I’m not!

LYN: But I’m really curious- where have my new fans come from? I haven’t had any works or new songs out- just some OSTs. I didn’t have stage performances, or dramas out either. How did you start liking me? By what method- scalping? XD I don’t really get it. Maybe through the beads? You may have seen that I’m playing with beads in some leaks, and you also like to play? C: Your countenance. LYN: “Countenance”? I don’t think so. In this industry there are plenty of people whose countenance far surpasses mine. If I were to compete with others on my appearance, then it’d be a loss for me.

C: Height. LYN: It’s not like the entertainment industry is some sort of sports activity and whoever’s taller is more impressive. That’s not it. If it were though… Gao Weiguang is still taller than I am. C: Ning-ge, how tall ARE you? LYN: My real height is 189cm. /plays the laugh track/ Oh? Why laugh? // I’m 189cm. But maybe it’s because I’ve adjusted my posture so now I gained a little bit I’m probably 190.6cm, now.

C: I’m a new fan. It’s my first time catching a stream. LYN: Nice, nice. Welcome to all my new friends. I inexplicably gained new fans. I’m not sure how, though, because there have been so many comments online lately cursing me to high heaven. Maybe you’re curious about what type of person I am, to be cursed at so miserably? “Why are people shitting on this guy? I need to see how terrible he is.” But you’ll find out that the more you hate me, the more you love me.

C: I’m a passerby and I just came to check out the mess. LYN: Grab a handful of guazi. A lot of people watching my stream aren’t my fans, but passersby. Grab a handful of guazi. Don’t be shy. Start snacking. C: I never hated you. I have nothing against you. LYN: Right?! It’s not like I did anything to anyone, why are so many people online not letting me go?? Why do they insist on doing it? Oh, my goodness. It’s not worth it.

C: I finally caught a live stream. You cannot even begin to comprehend how I feel right now. LYN: Why do I need to comprehend it? I watch every single one of LYN’s streams. I haven’t missed any. When LYN streams, I’ve always been there- I haven’t missed one. So… it’s not that precious a thing. Also, I always post the playback. If you’re busy right now, you can always come back to watch it later. It’s all the same. You don’t necessarily HAVE to catch me live. LYN: The charm of a live stream is- well, it’s not that “charming”. The nice thing about it is there is a sense of interaction. If you’re typing right now and I see it, I could chat with you. If there’s a topic you want to know about, you can ask me. It’s more interactive, but that’s about it. C: But I want to watch a “hot” (in temperature, as in: just out of the oven) stream. LYN: That’s why you have to subscribe to my weibo. If you haven’t yet, pelase do so. That way you’re less likely to miss it the next time I stream. Alright?

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bgm: 遥远的相似 (Distant Resemblance) [South Wind Knows OST]

LYN: In the next few minutes I have to update you on a few dramas. First of all, there’s one called “South Wind Knows (南风知我意)”. Friends, are you watching it? It’s very good. I’ve sung a song for it called “遥远的相似 (Distant Resemblance)”. One day a producer that I’ve worked with before sent me a message and told me that this drama was going to air. I was like, “Right! What song did I sing??” It’s been SO SO long since I sang this song. Finally, it’s out. I’ve sung so many OSTs, but since the dramas have not aired it’s been a while. I forgot I even sang this song. They sent it to me and I thought it was.. Familiar? // Has it been three years? I don’t know. It felt like a long time, to me.

C: Ning-ge, I’ve watched every drama you sang an OST for. LYN: ;) Thumbs up. That’s amazing. Even if you didn’t but are just saying that, if there are any producers in the stream right now they’re going to look for me to sing their next drama’s OST. I’d have work! LYN: I saw a comment that I thought was amusing. Someone wrote, “If you want to know what dramas have aired lately, just look up what songs LYN has released lately.” That’s one way to do it. Thank you. I consider that as your acknowledgement of me.

C: Ning-ge, I’m so sad that you’ve never read any of my comments. LYN: What’s there to be sad about? You’re in my stream right now, and what I say is to everyone. There’s no way I can talk to you one on one because if I did that, I would have to collect 50RMB/hour. I have a side-gig which is a paid 1:1 conversation. As long as you transfer me 50RMB, I’ll chat with you for an hour. C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to say that then I want to reserve you for a day. LYN: /laughs/ There’s a rich lady here who wants to reserve me! 50RMB for 1 hour… so for one day that means… My working hours are at a max of 12. So… 6000RMB for a day! Right? I could make some money. C: Ning-ge, your math… LYN: It’s on purpose! I know I learned how to be a cook, but I’m not an idiot, right? There are some of you commenting, “Ning-ge, it’s 600! Let’s not have anyone say you’re uneducated because you’re bad at math!” Look at how nervous you’ve gotten. “Ning-ge, its 600, not 6000. If this gets out people will start to call you a fool!” C: Deal, 6000RMB. LYN: Who’s the fool here, exactly?

-----

LYN: I have another drama to promote, and it’s called “Bright Eyes in the Dark (他從火光中走來).” It’s another great drama. Friends, you can check it out. One of the actors is from my hometown (HJY), so please show him some support.

bgm: Fated (命中注定) [Bright Eyes in the Dark OST]

C: Music is a man’s cosmetic medicine. LYN: What do you mean? That before, when I hadn’t sung I looked very bad, but after singing a few lines you now think that I gained a few degrees of handsomeness? Is that what you mean? When you said that music is cosmetic medicine, to a man? You’re right. I think I get what you mean. - /demonstrates by singing/ LYN: Friends, after singing this song I think I can make a confession - I’ve gotten something done. Music is a man’s cosmetic medicine, right? So singing these few lines means that I’ve gotten some work done. I saved some money. I feel like my face looks a lot better now, even. Thank you, friend. C: Overboard. LYN: You mean that I’m so handsome it’s overboard, now? Now it looks unnatural, right? I look stiff?

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LYN: I have another drama… Let me recommend you another one! This one is a very good watch- it’s called Tiger and Crane (虎鶴妖師錄). This drama has recently started airing and it’s very hot. I actually watched it. This song is called “Don’t Be Sad” Song (莫悲歌)

bgm: “Don’t Be Sad” Song (莫悲歌) [Tiger and Crane OST]

C: Is that today’s “theme word”? LYN: There is no “theme word”. Whatever you say just becomes the theme. Today’s theme is “cosmetic medicine”. No, our theme today is “Music is a man’s greatest cosmetic medicine.”

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C: Ge, I saw you on the boat. LYN: The fun thing about being an actor is that you can experience so many different lives and feelings. For example, normally I’m not the type of person to be on a boat. I don’t ever get the feeling of wanting to go for a boat ride on a lake, it’s not worth it. But when you’re acting, sometimes you may encounter these situations. /sigh/ It’s nice. LYN: I don’t really like activities on water, because I’m afraid. That’s the first thing, and second- I can’t swim. Rather, I don’t really know how, not that I can’t at all. Even though I’m 1.89m tall, a 1.5m deep pool can drown me. For people who can’t swim, it doesn’t matter how shallow or deep the water is. When you’re in the water you’ll feel fear and be unable to make sense of directions. It’s possible that we would not even be able to stand up. It’s that type of feeling.

C: Ning-ge, I’ll teach you how to swim? LYN: Do you sincerely want to teach me how to swim, or do you just want to see me in swim trunks? I’ll pass- I don’t really need to know how to swim just yet. // For the friends who “really” want to teach me how to swim, let me recommend a show for you. It’s called the Hai’er Brothers- you can look it up and watch that. All they wear is small swim trunks. You can check it out. I think the content would suit you. C: But are you in it? If you are, I’ll watch it. LYN: Are you not going to watch things if I’m not in it??

- /promotes the three mentioned dramas again/ C: What about West Out of the Yumen? LYN: I promoted that in my last stream. I also watched some. It was good! Also- it’s finished airing now, hasn’t it?

C: Ning-ge, you’re so busy. Do you even have the time to watch dramas? LYN: I heard two things from this comment. First- “If you have the time to watch dramas, why aren’t you using that time to stream instead?” and second, “... I suspect you didn’t actually watch the drama, and are just SAYING that you have.” You have to look at a problem from multiple angles. The first I won’t reply to, since I’m streaming right now and I have nothing else to say. As for the second, what’s it to you whether I watched the drama or not??

LYN: I levelled up in title for Pomellato. (Brand Spokesperson > Ambassador) I saw that a lot of you were happy for me and some of you who are better off went to support me, for which I am thankful for. Thank you for supporting the brand I am working with.

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LYN: It really has been a long time since I have streamed.. You all know it’s been long. So… the next part of the stream might be a bit negative so if you don’t think you can handle that, you should leave and go play. Now that I’ve gotten my promotions out of the way, I have to talk a little about something more negative. It’s been 30+ days since I last streamed. It’s not about anything in particular, I just need to discuss. But also, my stream is not a press conference and I’m not trying to announce anything. Streaming is an emotional outlet for me, and a place I can chat with my fans. Here, about 90% of you are my fans, and the remaining 10% are passersby or people who clicked in accidentally. Mostly I’m just chatting with my fans.

bgm: I Only Wish to Face the Light (我只願朝著光) [Be Your Own Light OST]

LYN: This song is from the drama that came out recently that I was in with Tao-jie and Hai Lu-jie. I really enjoyed the role of Jiang Junhao. I don’t know how many of you have watched it? If you haven’t, you can check it out. C: Say what you need to, I’m dying here. LYN: It’s nothing urgent. I just saw a bunch of things online that I feel I need to talk about. It’s not that I don’t care at all about the things I saw, I just thought they were ok at the time. I wanted to collect a bunch of news and use it as my streaming content, and that it would be fun.

LYN: I saw someone say, “LYN… LYN’s face is so BIG. His face is really big. When he was promoting BYOL, he went around everywhere saying that Tao-jie was the one who recommended him for the role. What? I guess he’s a big-shot, then? For Tao-jie to recommend you? How is LYN so shameless?!” LYN: This came up because I did an interview with Tao-jie, and in it I had said in passing, “I want to thank Tao-jie for recommending me” to which she replied, “I’m not qualified to recommend you!” Meaning, “she is not qualified, because she doesn’t have the right to recommend ANYONE.” You’ve got to read between the lines. But this was captured by some people. LYN: “LYN- look at this. You go around bragging that Tao-jie recommended you for this role, and now she’s denied doing that. Who do you think you are?? You must have been cast because you have resources.” LYN: If they had kept watching after that line, you would have heard what she said next. She mentioned that when she saw the script, she asked the writer if the character was based off of me. It’s in the interview! Why didn’t you capture that clip and post it everywhere?? She asked Su-laoshi if the character was based off of me, and Su-laoshi said, “Who’s LYN?” Then, they looked up who I was and THEN found me. I knew about the process. But because it was Tao-jie who read the script and mentioned me to the writer, that they even found me in the first place. So when I said “Tao-jie” recommended me, it’s not to mean that "I am so amazing", I just wanted to tell you how the job came to me. It was supposed to be words of gratitude, to thank her. I couldn’t just accept the role and then never acknowledge how I got it- I’d be crazy. If she hadn’t told them my name, they would never known I even existed. This platform had never worked with me before, either. So is there anything wrong with saying that Tao-jie recommended me for the role?? Tao-jie is a senior actress, and it’s not as if she would try to burn bridges by trying to make demands of the production company. But the truth is that she DID mention my name to Su-laoshi. You can watch the rest of the interview. But you just took that clip to try to bring me down?? LYN: If you want to curse me out so badly, just do it directly. Don’t drag Tao-jie into this! It makes me sad. Tao-jie is a very nice person, she’s very nice to me! She saw a bunch of people cursing me out and she even sent me a message to try to comfort me. She’s a very good jiejie. Stop trying to stir shit up.

LYN: I also saw a screenshot- it was from a post Sichuan Satellite TV had uploaded with a cut from the show. It was probably the station’s official account or something- since BYOL aired on the channel. They posted a cut from the drama, and the words, “BYOL featuring LYN, LT, QHL is currently airing on Sichuan Satellite TV.” And this was screenshot by people. Their point was: “LYN is just someone who steals rank. Look at this. He was able to use tricks to get his name in front of Tao-jie and Qin Hailu-jie’s. And he says he doesn’t care about rank??” LYN: /sigh/ LYN: After I saw that I was extremely speechless. I used “tricks”? Do you mean that I gave the broadcast company a call and said, “When you post things, you have to put my name in front of LT and QHL’s. I want the first rank, or else! Make me first in the lineup!” /laughs/ Is that what you meant, friend? I feel like a villain. LYN: It’s amazing how they can use this to hate on me. Also- it would have been fine if a single person posted it. But the worse thing is that a bunch of other people believed it! Saying, “Oh? It turns out LYN was this type of person.” “How shameless! How could he steal rank from LT?” “He’s trying to steal rank from QHL? He’s nothing. Who does he think he is?? Shameless.” They all came for me.

LYN: /takes a breath/ First of all- from my perspective… I don’t think that when the account made that post they thought much about or knew that there are so many complicated rules of the entertainment industry. They probably didn’t think too much about it before posting. Secondly, friends. Do you really think I would call up Sichuan Satellite TV, just to tell them to put my name in front of LT’s? EVEN IF I DID, what would be the point? What’s my goal in doing that? Am I trying to tell the whole industry that I am better than LT and QHL? Is that what I mean? What would I gain from having my name be put in front of theirs? Three new scripts? Eight new spokesmanship's? Ten brand deals? What do you think I would gain from doing that?? I just want to know. Why would I do it? Every action has a motive. What would be the motive for arranging this post to happen? What is it? LYN: If I really were the one behind the post, the only thing I would gain is the label of “Does Not Respect His Elders.” I’m more than thirty years old, do you think I don’t understand even this basic principle? What would be the my point in doing this? Friends, could you please tell me.

LYN: It just doesn’t make sense. After I work with them, my relationship with those I’ve worked with is very good! They look out for me. When the drama first started airing and we did that stream, you could see for yourself. Our relationship is very good and we’re close. Even after the drama has ended, we still message each other and chat. It’s all good. But now you’re trying to make it seem as if I think I’m better than them?? I would be crazy to do that.

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LYN: I just- I just saw a comment that’s a little hurtful, I didn’t want to read it out loud. But now I think, it’s okay if I read it, too. Someone had said, “Please leave from 珠帘玉幕 (ZLYM/The Legend of Jewelry).” LYN: /laughing but crying on the inside/ /plays sad bgm and makes it sound like he’s crying/ LYN: To this friend, I want to say, “I’m sorry.” If you had said, “Ning-ge, I want hear a song, please sing something for me.” or “It’s my birthday, please wish me a Happy Birthday.” I could do either of those for you. But for you to say, “Ning-ge, don’t act in this drama” I can only say, “Sorry. I can’t promise you this.” C: They’re not a fan. LYN: They weren’t one to begin with. This isn’t my fan. This is… a passerby. LYN: Alright, let’s stop playing this hurtful music.

C: Lao-da, going to kindergarten school is really tiring. LYN: Dont pretend to be young. The other time I lectured someone who told me that they were going to college and they were tired and wanted to stop. You’re going to KINDERGARTEN, and you think you’re tired?? You must be a teacher. In that case, it must be hard. Children are difficult to care for, so it must be hard on you. But since you chose that job, you have to do it well. Jiayou. LYN: I think it’s quite nice, working in that environment. When you’re working around children all the time, you can maintain a youthful mentality. Other than the fact that the work is a little tiring and a little annoying, you’re a lot better off than those working under pressure in a company. Children are more innocent/simple.

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LYN: /sigh/ I really want to talk about a controversial topic: Resource Card. There’s some noise going around… where a lot of people are saying I’m of the “Resource Card” category. At first I didn’t think much of it- you could think whatever you wanted of me and I was fine with it. Because I didn’t particularly care. If you’re not from this industry you wouldn’t know, but if you ARE you can ask anyone if they know if LYN has resources or not. But here’s another problem: some people say I have resources, but my fans say I am lacking resources. What’s going on here? Let me take you into the world of someone with resources, friends. C: “Please see the following vcr.” LYN: I don’t have one at this time. But it’s like this: From the start people were saying I have very good resources. They wonder why I’m showing up everywhere they turn. I didn’t think anything of it at first, I thought it was fine for them to talk. But then, it started causing problems in that since they believed that I had resources, it added fuel for them to make up content and say that I am able to move mountains with a wave of my hand. I feel like I can control the world- this industry. I can let whoever come, and make whoever go. As if I have that ability. Now that’s a little terrifying. You can label me as a “resource card”, but somehow you’ve also given me all these abilities?? That’s scary. It’s too amazing. I feel like the Entertainment Industry’s Devil King. I can do whatever I want.

LYN: But really, if you are someone in this industry you can ask anyone- LYN is nothing. I’m only a small actor. If someone needs me, I’ll be there; but if they don’t, I’m gone. It’s that simple. If someone gives me work, I do it. If they give me face, I take it. It’s simple logic. I’m someone with an overactive imagination and I think too much. I keep wondering why these people keep thinking that I have resources. Why? There has to be a reason. Maybe- it’s possible- that the groups/dramas/actors I’ve worked with are all very outstanding. So now people are thinking that I’m not worthy enough to work with this group/script/project/actor, and the fact that I AM able to work with them proves that I have resources and that a secret boss investing in me. Right? In the end, it’s this logic that makes the most sense. People don’t think I’m worthy of such projects, so they think that I have resources.

- /reminds people not to mention other artists’ names in his stream/ LYN: It’s no use and I’m not trying to start trouble. I just want to chat with you.

LYN: I think I can understand why people say these things about me. Honestly, it’s for those two reasons. They came to this conclusion because they don’t think I’m worthy of working with the drama/project/actor/director- so they think that I must have resources or someone pushing their support for me. But! Have you thought about the reason how I can accomplish all that I have when the fact is that I really don’t have anyone backing me? You think I’m not worthy, so I need someone to help me. But if I don’t have anyone helping me, can you come up with any other excuses? LYN: No? You can’t. You don’t believe me, and I must have someone backing me. Fine, okay. Let’s go another route. Let’s say that I really am the villain of the entertainment industry like everyone says, and that I have resources to back me. Let’s say that I do. Let me ask you, though, WHY? Why would they back me? What’s the reason. When people do anything, the main goal is to reach a certain result. So, what is the result that people who are backing me want to see? Let’s pretend you are all passersby. Think from their perspective- why would someone want to indulge me, LYN, a 30+ year old man? Can you think of a reason? C: Because you’re amazing. LYN: 去你的! Don’t flatter me. Even if it were a company with their own artist- they arrange for their artist to join a drama crew. Why? Because they’re going to take a percentage of their actor’s salary. Right? Pretty much all companies to this, whether it’s 6:4 or 3:7 split. The company, depending on their closeness/familiarity with the project, will arrange for their artist into the crew as 1ml/fl, or 2ml/fl. That’s normal. In turn, the company will take a percentage of the actor’s commission. That’s how it goes, right? But friends, I don’t have a company…

LYN: You can look up what my previous company was. I used to be with YY- do you know it? If any of you play games, you would know. It’s a company that makes livestreams. I ended my contract with them two years ago; I used to be a streamer. The only reason a company would invest in me is if they want to make money. To put it frankly- they want me to make money for them. Or there is something I can bring to the table. The main thing would be to make them money- but first of all, I don’t have a company. Secondly, if they really wanted to make money off of me- I only have so many endorsements. If I didn’t have enough, they would tell me to take business deals. They would say, “LYN, go sing at this platform’s concert. When you’re done, we’re going to “skin you”. We’ll take 30-40%.” Singers can go take jobs like that, for example, for a grand opening for a shop or restaurant, or promotion for a grocery store, etc. From my debut until now, I have not taken any such business deal.

LYN: So- LYN: If you’re going to curse at people, then get out of my stream. Don’t yell at people, here. No one is allowed to. You must be crazy. If you keep cursing, I’ll stop streaming. I’m being serious.

LYN: Anyway- you have to wonder WHY anyone would want to give me resources. This, I still don’t understand myself. LYN: I’d have to make them money. Also, honestly, if I were an investor I’d look for someone in their late teens or early twenties and they can probably actually make me some profit. I’m already very close to middle-aged, how many more years do you think I can continue in this industry. Why would anyone be invested in me?

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C: Drinking culture. LYN: I don’t know from when it started, but at some point I got the “drinks with people for jobs” label attached to me. This is just because of that CLJ donghua. I remember during that stream I told you in a joking way that I went to have a meal with a producer and mentioned that I wanted to try voice acting for a cartoon, and they let me give it a try. I didn’t accept any more, nor did I ask for any. At that time someone labelled me as “a person who stole work from a professional voice actor.” I don’t want to lecture you on what the truth is, but you can look it up later and get the full picture. But the label stuck. Now it’s going around the industry that I can hold my liquor. That all of the jobs I’ve gotten are a result from me drinking with others. Am I a god of wine??

LYN: Let’s not talk about whether I CAN drink or not- I want to tell you something first. If you don’t have the ability to pull off the project in the first place, it doesn’t matter how much you can drink, you’ll never get it. It’s that simple. Don’t even consider saying, “I don’t want to fight for what I want anymore. Starting from today I’ll be like LYN. If I gain an alcohol tolerance, then I’ll be rich! As long as I can hold my liquor, I’ll be successful at work.” Don’t- Don’t even think about it. There’s absolutely no way it’s true. LYN: Second, if you really don’t believe me and think that I have a good tolerance, then one day let’s drink together. You can see for yourself how good my tolerance is. We’ll go one glass at a time and you can count the of number glasses before I throw up or pass out. There’s nothing to say- my tolerance is really bad! When I go out to eat with the actors or directors I’ve worked with, they all think my tolerance is high because I’m from the Northeast. But I really can’t drink. I really can’t. Yet inexplicably I am now known for being able to hold my liquor and that all of my jobs I’ve gotten from drinking with others. Either I have resources or I drank to get my jobs- I’m too amazing.

LYN: I’ll need to look into whether or not weibo allows drinking on stream or not. If I can then one day, let’s have a competition through this screen. Alright? Let’s do it.

LYN: It’s really hard to say. Friends, you can see my daily schedule, right? When do you think I have the time to go out and drink or eat with others? If I had the time, I’d be using it to stream. I’d rather spend a good time with my fans and in return they won’t leave me for someone else. LYN: You can ask around the industry about me. Most of the time I don’t care about what people online are saying about me. Because none of it can affect my work. Everyone in this industry already knows what’s up. Sometimes seeing what people say about me is like looking at a joke. It’s funny. It seems like the whole industry is some sort of fantasy and some people have the ability to split the skies. LYN went from a street busker to an actor/singer and now he controls everything. LYN: I started as a busker, went viral, established myself as a singer after singing some OSTs, transitioned into acting, and now all of a sudden I’m the tyrant of the entertainment industry. Now I can choose to replace whichever actor I want to? I’m too amazing. I’m so amazing, and you still dare to curse at me? You’re not even afraid of me?

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LYN: I know a lot of this started because of the news about ZLYM project. At first I really didn’t want to come online to respond to these jabs, because I didn’t think there was a need. It’s all classified information, so why would I need to respond? But then I figured that if I didn’t respond, there would be no end to it. There were even some of you @-ing me. “LYN, aren’t you a real person? Come and refute these rumors. Say something. Once you start streaming, you can talk a lot, can’t you. Come and say something.” I don’t even need to see their face, just from their words alone I can tell how much ill-intent they were writing with. How much does this person hate me? How much loathing? C: Ignore them. LYN: It doesn’t matter. The majority of people, we all know, are just going with the flow. Even some of my friends- they sent me messages asking, “You’re going to this project?” “Are you… okay?” I’m a grown man, so of course I responded, “Why wouldn’t I be? It doesn’t matter to me. It’s not “good” or “bad”- either way is fine.” It’s just work. Just a drama. What else can I say?

LYN: There are so many layers to this. I’ll tell you one by one.

1. “LYN posted in his fan-chat that he would have a surprise. It turns out it was ZLYM.” LYN: This is not my first time being an actor. From the start until now, I’ve done my fair share of dramas and they’ve all aired pretty well. My very first drama was with HZT… ZXY, then QJJ- all amazing actors. All of my projects were great, so to me, dramas are not a surprise. Why would it be? Everyone knows I’m going to pick up a drama eventually. But people were saying that the “surprise” I referenced was being in ZLYM and a bunch of other nonsense, I forget. Why would that be a surprise? I still have to work, and the dramas I have lined up after that are- I think- will be better and better. So it’s not a surprise- and I enjoy working with each project I get. I don’t consider a drama announcement to be a surprise, but an article came out about me anyway.

2. “LYN first encountered this project in June, but at the time he didn’t accept it.” LYN: Some say June, some say July, or even earlier. Some say August- in any case, I supposedly knew about this project very early. Let me tell you- I swear on heaven- I hadn’t even heard of this project before September. No one came to ask me about it, either. I never even knew about it, truly. Usually casting directors will give you a call, to see if you’re interested before contacting the producers. I hadn’t even heard of this project before September. You don’t need to create rumors that someone contacted me as early as June/July. There was no such thing. LYN: I received this script at around the end of September. They sent me the script to see if I was interested. At the time I- /cuts himself off/ How should I say this? The more I say the worse it sounds. I’m afraid it will negatively influence others.

C: What’s “casting”? LYN: “Casting” is picking the actors. Let’s say I am the drama production- let’s use The Long Ballad, for example. Right now I want to find actors to fill my roles. I want LYN, AAA, BBB, etc. If I were the production crew, I would not call LYN up myself. Usually not, unless you’ve worked together before. We’ll find a middleman- this is “Casting” and they’ll help you find/contact the actors and ask their interest in the project. LYN: I heard about this project on 9/19. I have a screenshot on my phone. They asked me to take a look at the script, so I looked at it. There aren’t really secrets in this industry, so as soon as the production contacted me, the news would have already spread on the internet. There are so many people in the drama crew itself, in production, and in casting- nothing is a secret. Whatever actor you’ve contacted will be exposed instantaneously. They contacted me, but at that time I hadn’t signed a contract yet. I only just got the script to look over. I was busy with other filming, so only had time to look over a couple episodes before it started again. Some really fascinating rumors.

2A. “LYN replaced AAA. He used his resources to replace them.” LYN: I- I had never even heard of this project before. When would I even?? I wouldn’t have considered it something I ABSOLUTELY NEEDED to take, enough that I would get someone replaced for it. It’s not true. I didn’t even fully understand the project yet. I swear.

2B. “LYN started changing the script as soon as he was fixed.” LYN: They said that I boarded the project, combined the roles of the second and third male leads, then started going for the female lead’s scenes. That I brought my own scriptwriter. /sigh/ /pained/ It’s really only a drama to me, why would I need to get so invested that I even hire my own scriptwriter to change the script??? Am I crazy?? At most it would take up four months of my time before I leave for another crew. I have other dramas to film for. I “brought a scriptwriter”- If I REALLY had a scriptwriter, I could make MY OWN project, couldn’t I?

LYN: You think I’d take advantage of the platform, bring my own scriptwriter to change the drama script, and make myself into some super main lead that oppresses the original work?? This is just very strange. What era are we living in, where there are still actors who dare to change the script? And ESPECIALLY someone like me, a young actor? You’d shake the industry. Do you think that this industry is so dark, that someone can enter into a crew and say,” I don’t like this. Change it. I only have 100 scenes. Make it 800.” ??? How do you think that’s possible? There’s no way. No one would let you enter a crew with your own scriptwriter, consolidate the second and third lead roles’ scenes, then aim to steal the limelight and add scenes. Oh- I have another label: “Add Scenes Card”. LYN: Unless you are the top of the top- I’m talking our senior actors, whom we must respect. // Young actors like me are at the lowest level in a crew. Don’t think that all these actors and celebrities are living the good life- in a crew they’re at one of the lowest levels. Well, I don’t know if others are, but at the very least I am lowlier. There’s absolutely no way I would come in and edit the script. I didn’t even know I had that ability- to turn the industry on its head and snatch the script and change. /shaking his head/

LYN: At the time I asked the production who I would be playing and they told me I would be acting as Yan Zijing. So I told them I would do some homework to understand the role, because I had no idea. They told me that in the original source, this character was the second male lead but they changed him to the male lead for the drama adaptation. I was thinking, “He’s that amazing?” He is- I looked at the script and it’s great. But not more than two days later the rumors started going around, “2ML and 3ML were consolidated and became 1ML.” I saw that and I “???” I was dumfounded. LYN: Because when I first got the script and only started to understand the project, one of the first things they told me was that the original- in the novel- second male lead was changed to the male lead in the adaptation, since it felt like more of a complete character. I thought it was amazing, but didn’t think much of it because I hadn’t even started looking through the whole script yet. I didn’t have time to read it yet! They just told me that fact and left me to it. But then not two days later a rumor came out that /I/ went in with my own scriptwriter and changed the 2ML to the 1ML. ?! I was dumbfounded. How did it just happen to match up like that?? I told my studio- even if Sherlock came there’s no way he would be able to make sense of it. I can’t believe it matched up so perfectly. You can say LYN is in the project, and it’s true. You can say that the 2ML was changed to the 1ML, and that’s true too! Now, if you add that LYN brought his own scriptwriter…! I was dazed. Should I- at this point should I even still consider doing the project? I’d be cursed to death. If I don’t go, would all the troubles go away? I hadn’t even signed the contract yet...

LYN: But then two days later, something else happened- the costume director got switched out. I didn’t recognize them, but I saw that they did post something about “due to lack of resources..” or something like that, I don’t know. AND THEN, after that post was made, later that day came the headlines, “LYN..” ! “... used his hidden power to change the costume director.” LYN: /headache/ LYN: Why- why does everything that happens to the drama crew have to be turned into a rumor that I was the one behind it?? First of all, regarding the script, I don’t think anyone can figure it out at this point. One day, you will know the truth. But in regard to the costume director being changed out I need to say something- the rumor is that I used some hidden resources to get the costume director changed. The question here is: WHY WOULD I WANT TO?? And even if I did, wouldn’t I change it to someone who I’m familiar with?? The current laoshi, I honestly don’t know their name. I don’t know them and I don’t think I’ve seen their work. I don’t really have a good understanding because once I enter a crew, I just wear what they want me to wear. But if it really were the case that I had changed the old costume director, wouldn’t it be more realistic if I changed it to someone I’ve worked with before? Like Fang Sizhe-laoshi?? He did two of my dramas (CGX, YNGS). Ai Lun-laoshi did three (ALZ, BYOL, ZY). Wouldn’t I recommend someone I’m familiar with, because I know what they can do? I don’t even KNOW the new costume director, how can I say they’re good?! I’m so confused. - /rants a little bit more/

LYN: I’m not even familiar with the new costume director- I’ve never worked with them before, and I barely even know who they are! Of course, I respect them in any case. But the logic is unreasonable- “LYN joined the crew and changed the costume director.”?? It’s all a trap. But I don’t know how, it all lined up perfectly.

LYN: When I was shooting second/third/fourth male lead roles, these things weren’t so complicated. I just went to work, and if I was released early, I’d spend some time to stream. But ever since I started taking lead roles I feel like I’ve switched into a different environment entirely. Everything’s changed, and I don’t know why. LYN: I asked my studio members if they’re seeing these articles- they must be. They told me, “Laoban, maybe we shouldn’t take this job? If we go, then it will make everything seem true. If you go, everything lines up.” If I go, one after another all the rumors about me and this drama will seem true. LYN: /sigh/

LYN: I waited until the end of the month. This drama was announced on 10/2, right? I hadn’t even signed the contract until 10/30. I acknowledge the production company and everything, but I was thinking it was a bit troublesome because I hadn’t even started filming it yet and there were already so many issues. All the communications between the production and the platform were smooth and they’re both very professional. So- C: 9/30. LYN: ? 9/30! I said it wrong. Yes, it was Sep 30th, because the announcement was made on Oct 2. I didn’t even sign the contract until that late. I was conflicted for days. As soon as I met up with my studio members in the morning there would just be a back and forth of, “Should I go?” LYN: /trying to convince himself/ After looking at the script, I think it’s a goo- that is- I thought it was okay. And then- whether I should go or not- I thought it was a nice opportunity. The role is… not bad. Um. Even if…(I don't accept, I’d be okay) right? I would just have more time to stream! If I didn’t accept, I could just shoot a variety or two instead! It’s all the same. A variety show would be… but a variety show is not a “product”, so the drama would be better… If I do the drama, I’d be familiar with the crew anyway, and… But if I went, I don’t think I’d ever hear the end of this. It would continue to follow me for life.

LYN: My studio and I agonized over this for three days. I started getting hives. One night when I was trying to sleep I just kept tossing and turning, wondering if I should accept or not. I’m not how this industry thinks of me- able to make decisions with the wave of my hand. I actually have very little choice. You may think that I am very outstanding, and anything I acknowledge or think is good should belong to me, but it’s not like that. I don’t have a lot of choice. I only just started acting as a male lead, and not one of them has aired yet. Oh! One has- BYOL. I’ve been shooting dramas for three years until this day, when I can finally accept leading roles. Three years of supporting roles, lurking around Hengdian. I don’t have as much of a standing in this industry as you might think.

LYN: Later after thinking it through, I thought, “I don’t want to be influenced by all these outside noises.” I started from the project itself. Do I think it’s good or not? It’s good. So I’ll go. If I don’t go, then I would have been cursed at for nothing. I’m sure that even if I didn’t sign the contract and apologized to the production, they wouldn’t blame me for it. But there’s a problem: all of the people who have been yelling at me until now will not apologize to me. So I figure, I’ve already been yelled at, what else can they do to me? I’ll go.

LYN: I’ve been tortured this half-month… ever since the project came to me on the 19th. I was originally planning to- this is not convenient to say… The drama that I’m currently shooting… No, forget it. LYN: I’m thankful for the fact that my fans are so supportive of me. There were many of you who were saying, “We stand by any decision LYN makes” and posting that you believe in me and stuff like that. My fans are great. So that helped me be sure of myself. I feel like I often encounter situations that I think are wrong, but as soon as I overcome them I find that I’ve gain something instead. On the other hand things that I think will go smoothly, often don’t. That’s what I keep reminding myself. There’s a saying, isn’t there- “The road to happiness is paved with hardships.” I believe that everything I go through will always have a good ending, whether that’s something I’ve gained in the process or as the outcome. It’s all gains.

C: 车到山前必有路. (When faced with a mountain, the car will find a way through.) LYN: No, I only believe 船到桥头自然直 (When faced with the pier-head, the boat will go with the current) [*two parts of an idiom that means: “Everything will turn out for the best.”]

---------- Break #1 (new video!)

LYN: I don’t even believe that’s actually me. After watching that I’ve now realized that my streams are so embarrassing. C: Is this [ OG video editor fan’s name] new product? LYN: No- I’ll play theirs later. - (the neighbors aren’t fighting, they’re just watching Tiger and Crane really loudly XD)

C: OMG! Am I really seeing LYN? LYN: Um… what did you expect? Who are you seeing now? An AI?

C: Liu-ge, why aren’y you playing with the beads? LYN: I’m streaming, how could I be playing with the beads?! I need to focus on streaming. Otherwise what if I slip and say something I’m not supposed to that could be used against me? Even though there are a lot of things already. But I don’t care anymore. I’m going to say what I want to.

C: Ge, do you stream every day? LYN: Yes, I’m viral. All I do is sit around and livestream. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo, you can do so. It will alert you. I stream every day.

C: When’s your concert? LYN: We’re predicting June 2024. But we’ll see. It depends on the progress of my album. I’m missing three songs and I can’t find them anywhere. It’s agonizing. Extremely. - /starts singing: ~ The sun always comes after the storm. Behind dark clouds is the clear sky. Treasure all your feelings. All your wishes are within your grasp. ~

C: Will there be news of entering a crew soon? LYN: Yes. The current drama is going to wrap up soon and then I’ll rest at home for a month before entering the new crew. /thinking/ ! There are rumors online that the drama is waiting until I have time. !! That has nothing to do with me! I forgot to refute this earlier. There’s a rumor that my next drama is starting late because they are waiting until I am free. NO. After my current drama finishes I’ll be idling at home for a month with nothing to do. C: While you’re idling, can you stream more often? LYN: Yeah, I’ll idle and stream at the same time. While I have the time today, I have to get out everything that I need to. I’m NOT going to wrap with this drama today and then immediately jump into the next drama tomorrow. I have to idle at home for a month. I’ll have nothing to do, so I’ll stream every day. C: Really? LYN: I already said earlier when someone asked me if I stream every day. How could I?? I’m still a singer and an actor. Just keep the notifications on. When I have time I’ll come stream. C: Stream. I love to see it. LYN: Okay, I’ll try my best.

C: I miss your stages, ge. LYN: Ge is… busy. You might have to wait for… oh- there’s something in a few days- after that it’s New Year. Wait for my New Year’s stage, ge. Or, meimei.

C: When will YNGS air? LYN: Soon. It’ll be soon.

-----

C: The media accounts are posting about you. LYN: Are they hating on me, or is it about something more public / official? Are they saying something nice, mean, or making fun of me? C: All. LYN: A mixture of black and white, I guess? There’s good and there’s bad. C: They’re complimenting you. LYN: Ok. If they’re complimenting me, later I’ll contact them add transfer them 50RMB. To express my thanks. Everyone dissing me gets blocked, though.

LYN: I’ve seen so many people come in here to beg me not to act in ZLYM. I’m sorry- I can’t promise you that. Alright? Wish for something else. I’M begging YOU. Okay? If it’s financial, I can grant your wish. For example, if you want to eat takeout. I’ll order something for you and make sure you’re full. But you must be full already. Because in order for you to come here and make that request of me means that you have nothing better to do. (“吃饱撑着”) In that case, I won’t order takeout for you. Is there anything else that you might need, that I would be able to fulfill? LYN: Everyone has their own plan for life and their own choices. If there’s something I hope you understand it’s that you can’t change what other people do or the choices they make. You can only choose not to watch or pay attention yourself. But you can’t influence their choices. That’s none of your business.

LYN: Another thing that I don’t particularly like is- everyone online says that I’m ugly, right? I’ll admit that I am not very handsome. Honestly, I look average. But I don’t think its worth the term “ugly”; I’m just basic. Very basic. My fans all love me very much and they have affection for me, since they’ve been with me so long. It’s like a tortoise looking at a mung bean. It suits the eye. Therefore my fans all think I’m very cool. But then there are some people who have to question it, and say, “Are all of LYN’s fans blind? Why do they think he looks handsome?” That’s their own freedom! What do you care what someone’s fans think? Does it have anything to do with you?? What do you care what my fans are saying, you’re just looking for something to pick on. LYN: For example, let’s say you don’t like to go fishing and think that everyone who does are idiots. What gives you the right? You can’t say that just because you don’t like something, everything else who does like it is wrong. Who do you think you are? Why does everyone have to follow your will? LYN: You can simply say that I’m ugly. You could make fun of me, I don’t care. But don’t ever call my fans foolish. No one is dumb. They’re all smarter than you. LYN: I hope that one day you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around one person. There are plenty of things you won’t like. If you don’t like someone- if you say, “LYN, I don’t like you. Go die.” Do you think I would? No way. I have to stay alive. I have to work. I have to fight for the things I like and want to do. I can’t stop because of you.

-----

LYN: There are always these things online that say “LYN is trying to steal ranking”. This industry is so malicious. I can’t change the industry or the world, I just want to say my thoughts. Some time ago, I had already said that I don’t really care about position/ranking. Whatever space the platform gives me, I accept. I go wherever they want me to. But there are a group of people who think: X: “No. LYN, you’re just stealing rank.” LYN: I tell them, “No, I’m not” X: “You are!” LYN: “I’m really not!!” X: “That’s because you aren’t qualified.” LYN: “You’re right. I’m not qualified, so I’m not trying to fight for it.” X: “No, you are.” LYN: ???? LYN: It’s like this. One day- since I chat a lot with people in the industry- I asked someone, “How exactly are the ranks determined? What measure do you use to align people?” Is it that whoever’s popular is in front? Who’s more well-known? Who has the most fans?? It’s actually very simple- I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but I’ll share anyway. It’s based on the script. It’s not because you’re popular, so you get arranged in the front. There are a few rules, based on the script:

1. Whose point of view is it? For example, if the drama is about the female lead, and we’re seeing from her perspective, then the female lead will be in front.

2. Based on the number of scenes. If you have 200 scenes and someone else has 800 and you want your name to come first, there’s no way to explain why you deserve it.

3. Let’s say the drama is called “Chang Ge Xing”, and I- as Hao Du- want my name to come first. No way. Because it’s a story about Chang Ge.

LYN: The rankings/placement is based on these things, not because of how popular you are or aren’t, or how many fans you have. There’s nothing to fight about. It’s about the drama and the story as the main focus. That’s it.

-----

LYN: There are some friends who keep posting asking about a certain drama that I’ve shot and what the status of it it. (ZY) I won’t mention it because… If I say too much it will affect the end result. So we’re just going to silently acknowledge that it’s a thing. Stop bringing it up. I don’t want to cause any trouble. We’ll just- yeah. Stop mentioning it. LYN: I know you’re looking forward to it. We all are. So let’s just look forward to it together.

C: I waited so long and you’re finally streaming! LYN: Right? I know it’s been a long time. Today was a bit of a coincidence because lately we’ve been wrapping up late- at around 12a. It's not as if I could have started streaming the middle of the night at 12:30a. I wouldn’t have been able to stay up, either. Shooting the drama is a bit more important, so it was better for me to maintain a good condition (and sleep instead).

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LYN: ! There’s another rumor, that says “LYN is relatively popular in the industry because: 1. He’s priced low and 2. He’ll sing OSTs for his dramas for free. The producers can save money, so they always decide to choose him.” LYN: … :-( LYN: First of all, it’s true that I am not as good as other people, so- let’s not say that I am cheap- but I am priced fairly. Secondly, I want to clarify- the OSTs are not free. They have never been free. I want to repeat myself today- those watching my stream right now are all witness- When I sing OSTs, it has never been for free. At the most, I’ll give my own dramas a discount. But I have never sung one for free. NEVER. LYN: It’s so unreasonable. Think about it- in a multi-billion dollar investment to produce a drama, do you think they would be lacking the funds to pay an OST singer?? They’re not lacking. At the most I give a discount, or otherwise promote the song. There’s no way I would sing an OST for free. Remember these words: There’s no such thing as a free OST. At least, not here with me. LYN: Who even spread this rumor? How could I sing OSTs for free? This is in direct conflict with my value as a singer.

LYN: Not only are they not free, I consider them as an extra source of income. If it’s a drama that I am acting in, honestly without me even needing to say anything, the producers will ask me if I want to sing a song for the drama. To which I agree. Since it’s a drama I’ve acted in, I feel like I would be able to put more emotion into the song since I have more of an understanding of what’s going on in the story. LYN: Also, in this industry it’s always better to have more skills (艺多不压身). Many of you know that I learned how to cook, right? I’m a professional cook. I spent two years in culinary school, and worked in a restaurant for over a year. Sometimes when I am in discussions to enter a drama crew, the producers ask me if I want to take care of the crew’s meals, too. /joking/ “Can you cover the cooking for lunch for the crew? Two meals a day- lunch and dinner. For breakfast we’ll order takeout. But how about you cook us lunch? There’s only 300 or so people, not much.” XD I really do think of accepting the extra commission, but honestly if I did I’d be too busy to do my main job. Acting - OSTs - AND cooking?? So I decided to let the cooking go for now. I can’t make other people lose work just because I’ve entered a drama crew. That’s no good. I still have to leave a path for survival for people in all the other industries.

LYN: But there is one thing I do for free when I’m acting- that is, being the host for a cast livestream. For example if the drama is expected to do a livestream to greet the audience, I’ll be the host. That’s for free. I can only say that… I have the ability/talent for it. But whether they actually use me for it or not is the producer’s choice. If they need me, I would certainly stream for them for free. Maybe on this front, I could be considered slightly “cheaper” than others.

C: I’ll give you 800RMB, what do you think? LYN: That- I was just joking about it. When have I ever really accepted someone’s money? The only exception is that I have accepted my Sponsor Brother’s (ZSX). I accept money from him, but not from anyone else. C: Who’s the Sponsor Brother? LYN: You should go Baidu it. “Who is the “Sponsor Brother” that LYN mentions in his streams?” Go ask.

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C: Are you in a better mood now? LYN: I was never in a bad mood. I’m normal. It’s all alright. LYN: I’ve been really rushed in my schedule lately and it’s true that it’s been a long time since my last one. So I just decided to come stream a little.

LYN: I can’t manage anyone else, but for my fans at least I hope you can treat those you’ve worked with- or anyone, really- nicely. Don’t attack anyone, okay? Control your own emotions. Let’s not get involved with other business, and just play nicely amongst ourselves. LYN: Honestly you should understand that this concepts applies to your everyday life. Let’s say for example you’re walking down the street and someone comes up and punches you. If you don’t retaliate, you can sue or report them. But as soon as you retaliate, even if they started it, you’ll just be beating each other up. Do you get it? Now it’s hard to tell who is in the wrong and who is in the right. So I hope that we can try not to partake in inflicting mutual harm.

C: Ning-ge, sue the antis. LYN: I am, don’t worry. I am the type of person who, before doing anything else, must get all the proof and evidence complete and together first. There’s no need to release a statement that only serves to scare the offender. I need to make sure that I will succeed, before I try to sue. I don’t want to fail, because then it would be meaningless- that’d be like slapping myself in the face. I have a professional legal team working on it. If anything, we just wait for the results. There’s no need to release a statement- let’s skip straight to the results. LYN: Everyone has eyes on public figures, and I think that’s fine and proper. But the problem is you can’t start rumors, you can’t spew nonsense. Once it has an impact on the other party, then you’re about to face some consequences.

- /reading comments, sees something/ LYN: Who.. who is this? Are you crazy?? LYN: Let me tell you- it doesn’t matter whose fan they are- some are just crazy. I don’t deny that some of my own fans are crazy. I met some so-called fans who are not normal. It’s too scary. I’m afraid that one day of one you might come with a knife and try to stab me to death. Purely mentally unstable. It’s not like I am insulting or joking around. There are some who are really just crazy. Friends, I’m not kidding you. This is really dangerous. LYN: You’re still laughing. This is scary stuff! C: Don’t say any more. It’s not worth it. LYN: You don’t know what I’ve been through, so you think it’s not worth it. If you haven’t seen my hardships, then don't try to advise me to be kind. I really have met people who were mentally unstable, and it’s terrifying. Even as a man, I still find it scary. If it were you, you’d probably be scared to death. C: If it’s not happening to you, it will never hurt. LYN: You’re right. This is very normal. If you don’t experience something for yourself, you will never be able to empathize. It’s a hard thing to have, empathy. Of course, I hope that everyone who is watching my stream will always be healthy and happy. Have smooth days and always do better and better.

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C: The song you sang for Love You Seven Times was very good. Can you play it? -- Until The End of Time (直到時間盡頭) LYN: After you mentioned YCY, I thought of something else. I’m going crazy. It said, “LYN is suddenly breaking up a CP because he wants to create one with YCY, because his drama with her will be airing.” But the problem is that in the drama I was in with her, we weren’t even a couple. We were like siblings. She and my Sponsor Bro were the couple. But the rumor said that I was trying to tear them apart because I wanted to be in a CP with her. Amazing. It was so unreasonable it started to even make a perverse kind of sense. For a period of time there CY and I stopped all contact with one another. I didn’t want to be the cause of any negative influence for her. Like, who did she offend? It’s fine if you’re just cursing me out, but lumping her in with me was unwarranted. I’m just speechless. LYN: Another article said that YCY and I went to play an escape room together. ZSX was there, too! ZKY was there, too! And LM! I’ve really got to hand it to them.

-----

C: What do you think of the “1.9m tall Sweet-dol”? LYN: … I’m… not very happy to see myself trending for that, but I am also not the type of person to take something for granted. I’m happy to be trending but I think the label might be a problem. It wasn’t made out of ill-intent, to make fun of me, but you really didn’t need to make it. You might think that I am so cute. “1.9m tall and wow, so cute! Ning-ge is cool but cute!” But other people don’t think so. It’s like this- say you’re walking down the street and you see a couple, and the boyfriend keeps calling his girlfriend…- how does it go?- he keeps calling her his “sweet pea”. “What do you want to eat, Sweet Pea?” “You’re so cute, Sweet Pea.” “Sweet Pea, you’re so pretty.” As a passerby, just walking down the street, how would you feel upon seeing them? Tell me. Let’s say this guy looks just average- how would you feel? Do you get what I’m trying to say? You can think that I am a “sweet pea”, a “foolish bean”, whatever- “green bean” is okay, too. But as someone who is just passing by, they might not feel the same way. They might even feel the slightest bit… disgusted. Do you get what I’m saying, friends? LYN: In your hearts I hope that I am more manly of a person. I’m a man, but you’re making me out as a “sweet pea.” At most, I’m a “strange flavored bean”. For this type of thing, I can’t accept the trending topic but also complain about it- so I’m thankful for the trending topic. But in the future, please don’t continue in this direction. You can have your own likes and hobbies, but don’t make other people annoyed because of them. That’s my standpoint.

---------- Break #2

- /comes back, realizes he didn’t get water like he said he would, leaves again/ LYN: Friends- we’re all about the 出其不意 (do something when least expected, here)- C: You drink water right after going to the restroom? LYN: Well-

LYN: Friends- I just saw an yxh post something- “LYN streams and exposes many rumors about ZLYM. He’s really too good. It seems that he may think the drama is beneath him.” I’d like to make myself clear- I very much think highly of the drama. I extremely like the script, otherwise I wound’t have accepted it, right? It’s great, and I know that, therefore I accepted the job. Don’t say any nonsense here, saying that I think the drama is beneath me- I don’t. I love the drama. Okay? I’m telling you directly. LYN: We’re all about eating things “hot”. C: You did so many things while using the restroom. LYN: What does that mean??

C: MUST you drink your water that way? LYN: No, but we want to have little joys in life. First of all, I have to drink the water. But if I don’t drink it out of this cup, wouldn’t I have bought it for nothing? I have to make use of it. I keep drinking water because I don’t want to have bought my toilet for nothing. I have to make use of it, too.

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #6. Watch what you’re saying. LYN: Really? I’m worthy enough to have a topic trending in the top 10? This is unbelievable. Now someone has told me to watch what I say because I’m at #4. Em… do you think my makeup today looks okay? Do you think it will effect anyone who is coming in right now’s viewing experience? LYN: I’m at #4?? Should I change into something more formal? I didn’t think I would be trending so high, today. I only wore something casual. Maybe it’s disappointing to people who are watching now because of the trending topic? How about this- wait for me a second while I go put on what I perceive to be the coolest article of clothing in my life. So that I can formally face all the viewers tonight. Okay? I’ll take my coolest piece of clothing- the one I was planning to wear for the New Year. I’ll change into it and then come back to greet you all. Is that okay? The most important piece of clothing in my life. Wait for me.

LYN: Friends, from this moment on, these clothes are the most important clothes of my life. I was planning to wear this for New Year’s, but I’m wearing it today because I made it to trending topic #4. Why is this outfit meaningful? Because it was gifted to me by my good friend HZT. These clothes- let me do an ad while I’m at it- is from the brand YKYB. It’s very important to me. C: There’s no difference. LYN: There is, a big one. While I’m trending, I decided to do an advertisement. Now HZT’s brand can sell well. C: I see. LYN: Later I’ll send this part of my stream to him and he’ll send me 200 RMB, at the very least. Friends, there are plenty of ways to make money in life, you just have to work your brain to figure out how. - C: You’ve pulled the sleeves up? LYN: It’s too hot. I was in a rush to change clothes and now I’m a little warm. - C: It wouldn’t be good to send it to him yourself, would it? LYN: I’m kidding! A mere 200RMB between friends is nothing. C: Straighten your hair. LYN: /pats his hair down/ /laughs foolishly/

C: Ning-ge, you’re hot? There’s such a thing in this world called an “air conditioner.” LYN: You’re returning my words back to me, I see.

LYN: Thank you to everyone who is watching my stream. Sometimes when I start trending, a lot of new friends show up. If you have not yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning.

C: My husband says your hairstyle looks very nice! LYN: Your husband thinks my hair looks good? He has good taste. I’m sure you are also very pretty, and that’s why your husband chose you. The two of you are great.

-/starts singing along to Fall in Love/ LYN: They say that music is a man’s best cosmetic medicine. Here, it’s time for my medicine.

C: Ning-ge, how are you so young today? LYN: Which means to say that usually I look very haggard? I look young today because I’ve turned on the beauty filters. /laughs/

C: Is there anything else hot? LYN: What do you mean? Is the only reason you’ve clicked into my stream because I was trending and you wanted to see me fired up? I don’t know why, but I don’t feel good about that. Am I only here for your entertainment? Okay, fine. C: Ning-ge, you’re at #1. LYN: No, I’m not. I know there’s no way I can ever get that high.

C: Ning-ge, you’re so thin you look like a monkey. [t/n: ???] LYN: Look at this! This is a prime example of “when you’re popular, you’ll see all kinds of bs.” When I’m streaming the rest of the time, no one ever comes in here and tells me I look like a monkey. But now that I’m trending and a bunch of passersby are filtering in, the mood becomes chaotic and people start to deliver personal attacks. They said I looked like a monkey. … I’ve been cyberbullied, friends. Why do I feel like I’ve been cyberbullied?

-----

LYN: Let me take a look. I don’t believe this- /checks the trending topics/ !! What an extra topic! I thought it was just “LYN Livestream” and was confused how it could get so high. There’s no way, because I always stream and that’s not a new thing. It turns out they added a whole bunch of suffixes! I’m sorry, friend! That one who asked me if there was anything else “hot”- I’ve misjudged you. You DID come in exactly for that. I’m sorry. I thought the topic only read “LYN Livestream”, but it reads: “LYN Livestream_Replies to AAA, ETC.” After adding all the stuff behind it, I can see now that you came in precisely to hear the tea. C: You only just noticed? LYN: I just found out. I just thought it was “LYN Livestream”, because that’s usually what I always trend under. I didn’t know there was something tacked on this time. LYN: Well- I guess I have to reply. LYN: It’s like this, friend- for a period of time there was a bunch of news about me that entertained the masses, right? C: I was entertained. LYN: 去你的. In your heart, am I merely a joke? I thought I was important to you, but it turns out that to you I am only a joke?? I’m here for your entertainment?!

C: He’s flustered. LYN: Anyone would be. Friends, this is a livestream. It’s not pre-recorded and I can’t go back and censor myself to see if there are any holes in what I say. Even if there were, there should only be a few. But this is a stream, so every word I say is being recorded by media accounts just waiting to be posted in real-time. I’m just a laughingstock to you.

C: It’s too early to be called a laughingstock. LYN: Are you trying to tell me I’m very precious? Not only am I a laughingstock, you’re also trying to appease me by saying I’m precious because this happens rarely? “You’re a laughingstock, but you’re still precious. Use that to comfort yourself.”

LYN: It’s like this- let me tell you again. Regarding this project, I am very much in favor of it. This is not because I have the power to change things to my own whim. I really just think that it is a great project. As soon as I saw the script I thought it was ok, and I wanted to take it on. I wanted to go, therefore I accepted the job. Otherwise, why would I accept it? I think highly of this drama. LYN: There are a lot of rumors surrounding this drama that I feel I need to let my fans and those who do not know the truth know. I thought I should say what I want to say. I’m not trying to offend any person or platform. I just need to give clarification on the rumors. If can believe me, please do. If you can’t, then that’s your loss. You can also consider it entertainment. It’s just that simple. This doesn’t need too much explanation. LYN: Many of you probably don’t know me, and could think that I am being blunt/harsh with my words. I’ve always been like this. When there are problems, I come online and chat about it to my fans. I don’t like holding it back, because I can’t keep my mouth shut anyway. I just come on here to chat about it. It is not in an effort to attack or offend anyone. I only want to give an explanation to things I’ve seen or rumors that are being discussed. Very simple.

C: You really can’t hold it. LYN: /sigh/ Do you think I can’t sense that you’re being sarcastic? Friends- very early on I learned how to be a cook, and after that I worked in a restaurant as a waiter. I was a waiter bussing tables for 2-3/3-4 years. Later I went to a bar to be a singer, and did that for 5-6 years. I am very good at hearing the tone of people’s voices. If you want to survive in this world, if you can’t hear what people are saying you are not likely to make it very far. You’re not going to survive. You know? So I can tell how many layers of hidden meanings are behind the words you say. That friend who said I “can’t hold it”, what you’re trying to say is that I… my body’s not very healthy, right? I meant that I have something I need to say, and I can’t hold it back. But your “You’re right. You can’t hold it”- There’s two different meanings there. My body’s fine. I can hold it. I can prove it, because I just had my physical and have the paperwork. I’m fine except for the fact that I’m a bit lacking in calcium, so I’ve been taking supplements lately to make up for that.

-----

C: When you’re done with this drama and idling at home, can you stream 28 days of the month? LYN: I- let’s not. I have other things to do. I have to make preparations for my next drama. Like getting Thermage treatment, working out, do some running, look at the script, etc. - C: Is it really you? LYN: /laughs/ What do you mean? Is it really me? …It is. - C: Don’t do Thermage, it doesn’t work. Trust me. LYN: … Reality can’t deter my will to improve. I’ll do it anyway!

C: Ning-ge, go look, quick. There are three topics trending right now that are dissing you. LYN: Let me go take a look, friends. What does it mean, “diss topics”? LYN: /looks/ /gulps/

C: Quickly, refute the rumors. LYN: ?! What are you talking about?? What should I be refuting? Seriously, what are you talking about. I really don’t know. I saw something.. One about one drama, the other about another drama… and a “LYN Livestream.” What else is there? There’s nothing to refute. It doesn’t say anything. LYN: Oh, are those two words about me, too? Let me click in and take a look. /reading the comments/ ? I see a lot of comments complimenting me, though. A lot of them are laughing so much their heads are about to fall off. We can’t just look at the bad ones without looking at the good ones, right? We’ve got to be fair.

C: Ning-ge, can you focus on streaming? LYN: What is my content supposed to be? I just think the charm of a livestream is that there is interaction. We’re interacting in real-time- all the topics and posts you’re seeing, I can see too. So now this serves as a reaction video.

-----

C: I came without reason. LYN: There’s no need for that. I’m not trending for anything good, anyway. If I were trending for something good or if the noodles I made were delicious, so you came without reason- those would be fine. Right now I’m just a laughingstock.

C: I came because of the trending topic. LYN: See? Weibo is a great platform to publicize for artists. A lot of people didn’t know who I was, but because of this trending topic today, they’ve come into my stream, and now they’ve gotten to know me a little. After they encounter me more, bit by bit, they might come to have an understanding of me and start liking me. It’s possible that they could become my anti-fan, too. That’s always a possibility. But even if I only gain ten fans with this stream, that still means I will sell ten more concert tickets. It’s all good. LYN: Anyway, weibo is a great help to artists, so I want to take this time to thank them. Thank you, Weibo. Thank you to all the people who made it into my stream today.

LYN: Friends- many of you may think of me as a laughingstock, but I want to introduce myself. I am a singer. Right now I’m- someone’s saying I’m giving weibo a backhanded compliment?? What do you mean?! Look at this- another rumor. I just finished saying that weibo is a great help to artists, and now you’re saying that I’m actually dissing weibo?? What the f- Oh my god.

LYN: Anyway- I’m a singer. Right now I’m also acting. Many of you might not know me. So I’d like to sing a nice song for everyone, okay? -- 我是一只小小鸟 (A Tiny Bird) [t/n: some fitting lyrics. XD] ~ Sometimes I feel like I’m just a small bird. I want to fly, but can’t fly high no matter what I do. Maybe one day I will be sitting on a branch, and become the target of hunters. I’ll fly into the sky, but only then realize that know I am helpless with nothing to rely on. Every night in the middle of the night, I can’t sleep. The world is so small, and there is nowhere to escape. ~ LYN: /bites his nails/ C: There are no lyrics. LYN: It’s not important. I don’t think this song fits my mood. Let me think of something more fitting to represent my mood. Erm… Uh… Um…. Eh...

C: Tank. LYN: I don’t get what you mean. C: 爷们要战斗 (Men Fight). LYN: /revs up/ /thinking/ C: 我爱这个世界 (I Love this World) LYN: No- What do you mean? Why do you want me to sing a song called “I Love this World”? Am I going to be saying goodbye to it or??? No, right? Why does that seem like someone’s last words?

-- 阳光开朗大男孩 (Sunny and Cheerful Boy) LYN: I just wanted to be a sunny and cheerful boy! W- wearing these glasses I feel like the only thing I’m missing is a swimming cap. I feel like I’m about to go swimming.

C: Remember to turn on the mic. LYN: What do you mean by that? It’s on. The sound is on.

-----

C: Are there really antis in your stream? LYN: There are. I can’t really call them “antis.” But the stream is public. Weibo livestreams are a bit like that- they allow all heroes from under the sky to come. All the heroes under the world pass by this place and have to curse at me a few times before they go. They feel like spitting out a word or two would gain them a peanut. Usually when I stream not many people are watching/paying attention. It’s only like this today because… I have too many trending topics. Maybe it’s because I’ve been holding it in for 32 days and so I’ve said too much this stream. Maybe those people didn’t have an outlet before, but now I’m here to release the flood. I’ll make it thrilling, so people can be happy. I’m just a laughingstock, after all.

C: Why did you tell the fans you were going to stream today? LYN: I called you all here so that you can hold up the stream. I was afraid that after I said what I needed to say today, I would be cursed out so badly it all turns to shambles. But now my friends are here, so we’ll see who dares to make a move against me.

C: Ning-ge, then this group of friends of yours have supported you enough to have five trending topics. Aren’t we reliable? LYN: Let me tell you- I think these of five trending topics… most of the work was not done by you, actually. There’s a saying that goes, “Good things never leave the house, but bad things are known across a thousand miles.” You’re all here to protect me and be positive. No one likes to hear the positive things. C: Then should you be happy or should you cry? LYN: There’s something called 悲喜交集 (having mixed feelings of grief and joy). With some proverbs, you might spend your whole life never understanding. But then, at some moment in time, you’ll find that you didn’t even know that you have understood it. At this very moment I have understood the proverb “悲喜交集”. I’m sure that people who are watching my stream and know me, and have experienced this along with me, also understand this proverb. The intersection of laughing and crying. Mixed feelings of grief and joy. LYN: Where does the “grief” come from? It comes from me not wanting to click into the trending topic because I’m sure all the comments are bad. There are of course, the compliments, but also the ones cursing at me. The majority is probably bad. Otherwise the topic wouldn’t be trending. This is the first point. It makes me sad because it’s all about people cursing at me. /fake cries/ Where does the “joy” come from? It comes from the fact that a lot more people are getting to know me, now. C: You’re at #1 now. LYN: Why don’t I just stop streaming now?? How about I stop? LYN: … LYN: Let me stop streaming. I’m sure- /sigh/ LYN: Hold on, let me use the restroom quickly. Wait for me a sec.

---------- Break #3

LYN: I don’t have any works out right now, but you’ve gotten me trending at #1. I’m a little out of wits. C: What are you afraid of. LYN: Nothing! I just wanted to take a look. I want to see what they’re saying; I’m fine. Why don’t I sing a song, then? Show my talents to the masses?

C: Promote the previous dramas again. LYN: Which actor’s fan are you, tell me. Tiger & Crane’s? Bright Eyes in the Dark? Or The South Wind Knows? You saw that there are a lot of people in the stream, so you want me to advertise the dramas again. XD C: All of them. LYN: You sure are a fan of a lot of people.

LYN: Could you please not start spamming with other artists’ names, though? Because I really can’t afford to take any more heat. They’re all people I respect a lot. Don’t get them involved.

LYN: Let me sing something. What should I sing…? C: 江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) LYN: You want me to sing this? Ok, let’s do it. -- 就在江湖之 (Above the Jianghu) [Mysterious Lotus Casebook OST] - LYN: Someone keeps telling me, “Ning-ge, don’t get flustered!” I’m not. It’s not worth it. - C: You killed it better than the original singer. LYN: That’s not necessary. You don’t need to rag on the original singer like that. Four words: Noone has it easy.

LYN: The four most terrifying words I can see right now are: I came without reason. What does that even mean? As if you even wanted to be here in the first place? Aren’t you just here to see the excitement? C: My roommate forced me here. LYN: What a good roommate.

C: You’re on fire now, ge. LYN: /laughs/

C: Ning-ge, you gained fans. LYN: If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. Who would have thought that I only wrapped up with work early and came to stream today, and it would all turn out like this? - C: Can you take AAA to do Thermage? LYN: You- you must be crazy. Do you think I’m actually in the cosmetic medicine industry? - LYN: Anyway, my stream is mostly for my own fans. I just came here today to chat, but who knew it’d be like this… C: Just enjoy it.

C: You sound so strange. LYN: I sound strange? My voice sounds strange?? Are you being serious? LYN: /uses his acting voice/ You say I sound strange? Nonsense! I was only not using Standard Mandarin, is all. How about now? Do you still think I sound strange? It’s because when I stream, I’m used to using my Northeastern accent because it feels more familiar/close. But really, I can speak Standard Mandarin. Okay? I know how. C: It wasn’t strange before, but it is now. LYN: /laughs/ How strange!

LYN: Someone’s trying to test me! They want me to say a tongue-twister. LYN: /clears his throat/ /gets ready/ /bursts out laughing/ LYN: I was seriously preparing to say one! I think I’m starting to fall for your tactics.

C: I want to hear the bubble sound. LYN: Ah? What.. what is the bubble sound? I don’t understand. I just wanted to sharreeeee a fuunnnnn thingggg. To this day I still don’t understandddd what the “bubble sound” isssss. /giggles/

C: Ge, I ate and came back and you’re still streaming. LYN: … What do you want me to do about it? Is it my fault or?? Did you eat too fast, or did I stream too long? It’s honestly been a long time since I last did a stream- about 32 days. My fans couldn’t hold out for much longer.

C: Do you have the “loli”-sound? [t/n: ??] LYN: You demands are too high! /puts on a sound effect/ What do you mean? What is the “loli”-sound? /adjusts the sound/ Is it like this?

LYN: Yeah, I couldn’t hold out either. We wrapped early today so I came to stream for a bit. I was planning to stay for a bit longer.

C: Is this a livestream? LYN: It is. I am currently streaming, friends.

C: Ning-ge, since you’re trending, you have to spend the new year with us. LYN: You mean stream past 12a? There’s no need. It’s about time. Let me see how long I’ve been on for. It’s been three hours already. Three hours, so it’s about time.

C: 8 trending topics, I’m laughing to death. LYN: Is that very funny? It’s not funny.

C: Talk about your beads. LYN: There’s nothing to say, really. I’ve just taken a liking to the beads. They’re mostly wooden. If I fidget with them it’s stress relieving. A few days ago my friend saw me and asked why I started playing with them, and was there anything worrying me? I told them no, I’m purely playing with them for fun. LYN: I think many people in the stream might also like to play with them. It brings you a sense of accomplishment. You start with something more wood colored, and as you play with them you can cause a change in color, texture, etc. They slowly transform into a color and shape that you like. If you also add some accessories, you’ll find a sense of accomplishment. If you like bracelets, it’s something you can keep for a long time. It’s a personal hobby. Just like how some people like to play on their phones. It’s just a matter of habit.

----- Daimi time!

C: Can we see Daimi? LYN: Daimi! She hadn’t had a wash lately. Daimi, come here. // I was planning on getting her washed and trimmed, but I think the groomer’s was closed or something. I can’t remember. She hasn’t had a grooming, so she’s all lumpy.

C: She looks thinner? LYN: No, she just got her hair trimmed. She actually got fatter by 2lbs. LYN: Alright. You can go. They’ve seen you, and that’s enough.

LYN: Look at this back! Look at this back, and tell me if you really think she’s gotten thinner or not! There’s no way she’s getting thinner. She just eats sausages all day. She’s gotten a bit fat.

-----

C: I’ve had night full of melon, hahaha. LYN: /gives the camera a stare/

LYN: Friends, I’ll be leaving first, alright? I want to thank you for your company and support. If you still have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I hope everyone who came to my stream tonight has had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. I’ll see you again in the next stream. C: When’s the next time? LYN: That’s why you have to subscribe and turn on notifications to my weibo. When the time comes it will alert you that I’m streaming. Please subscribe. But I’ll be finishing up in the drama crew, so the time is not determined.

LYN: Alright, that’s about enough. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight.

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:18:48)#topics:#promos!#& having a bone to pick with all the antis #he's just going off on all the rumors lmao #and made it multiple times in the trending topics bc of this stream

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