#birthdays are really depressing for me
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no time to celebrate
#drew this thinking their bdays were during night yorb summer for some reason#i went looking for the clip midway and when i saw it was the other way around i kinda died a little inside#BUT I AM NOTHING IF NOT COMMITTED !!!!#fantasy high#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#so anyways we can pretend this is a time quangle thing yes yes#they fall asleep making the solar lasso and no one has it in them to wake them up (esp riz)#so the rest of the bad kids leave them stuff for when they wake up#joint birthday party is real and depressing ! but not really ! the power of friendship is still very real#dont ask me the logistics of the hangvan interior ill die#i dont wanna thnk about this piece anymore it aged me 10 years#my art
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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No cause it's actually so funny that because Curly doesn't like sweets.
His friends (including Jimmy) were like "damn he wont like a normal cake what do we do?" and remembered he likes to work out so they went to like the Walmart health section and just threw protein powered in with the least sweet cake mix and were like "Dude... we fucking did it!!!"
Happy Birthday!!!
Like it makes the firing party scene a little bit sadder cause he chose his birthday of all days in that week to break the news. His friend berates him and tries to get everyone against him. He has to make his own cake due to protocols and even then he's just picking at the slice because it's not something he cares for. Not that he'd have an appetite for it anyway. Everyone is mostly silent and all he's can do and stare at this cake and think of what else could go wrong...
Happy Birthday indeed.
#like learning about any of their pasts is just depressing like what if we find out Jimmy had a relatively normal if not nice upbringing#and he really did this to himself cause that would just make me more mad at him like damn you really are just a bitch#cause again why was protien chalk cake his best birthday why do you refuse to celebreate yourself why daisuke parents dont try to get him#why swansea trap himself in that life why anya struggling so hard with med school like we know exactly what their struggles are but not Jim#i think its important because their struggles humanize them while his is just an excuse#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly
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Birthday Completed.. Am Thirtey Twoe
#i visited a rat cafe!! (it is not an eating or drinking establishment it's just a rat interaction establishment but i keep calling it that))#there was another american at the rat cafe and she took me to Dunch cuz it was my birthday and she also wanted to ask me about rat ownershi#note: in my brain Dunch is a meal combo like brunch -- a dinner so early as to overlap lunch -but at a less glamorous time and sounds worse#that was super nice and i think i now have another person on my small list of in person friends here!!! ;w;#then on the way home brief specter of disaster as i was like OH GOD... IVE PARKED IN A RESTRICTED BIKE LOT AND THEY TOWED MY BIKE#(because i had definitely just .. parked my bike in the area for monthly permit holders without noticing lol)#but it turned out instead they had just stuck it in a metered space where it should have gone to begin with so disaster averted lol#then when it was getting late i took myself out for a pot of tea and a fancy sweet at a local cafe! (actual cafe) (no rats)#honestly i'd been mad at myself for not planning anything with any friends and thinking i'd end up depressed and alone today#but i got just enough rat and human interaction and it was a really good day#i did a bunch of other stuff this week too#why did i write all of this in tags? unclear.......i'm extremely tired or i'd try to make a real blog post of it with pics etc. : I#eepy. so eepy
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Bought some new friends today!
Look at all the ones I managed to thrift! The webkinz signature rhino and the BAB rainbow smallfry are a real treasure. And the bear with the hearts!!!! I've been wanting one of them. She needs a bath. I might unstuff her for that and bring her into my local store to get restuffed.
Speaking of my local store, I went into BABW today to ask if they'd be getting pumpkin kitty, and if so, when. The employee said she wasn't sure if the store would ever get it. I thanked her and decided to browse after that. Maybe I shouldn't have, because I decided to build this cutie
I had no idea that the devil bear was brought into stores! I'd been eyeing pictures of them for a while, and knew I had to buy one when I saw them. I was super nervous tho because I went to the store alone, so I didn't do a heart's ceremony (he still has a heart tho!) Anyways, this is Dameon
#stuffed animals#plushies#plushblr#webkinz#build a bear#bab#beanie babies#viti's plushies#plushie: crystalmoon#plushie: cherry blossom#plushie: hank#plushie: lil rainbow#plushie: calliope#plushie: dameon#I went thrifting because my datemate had told me about the rhino and I git extra lucky#the devil bear was an impulse buy because today is a depressing day for me (my dad's birthday)#but making him brought me a lot of joy and he's already such a huge comfort. I had the employee make hin a bit soft so he's good for hugging#also its technically not an impulse buy because I had been considering ordering a devil bear#Im really happy I got to pick one in store tho
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You ever think about the raw, unfiltered political unrest, near rage, that must come out in Steve's art sometimes, the shit that he's sure no one else will ever lay eyes on, deep in his sketchbook? Because I do.
#i can't stop thinking about him#and his dancing monkey drawing#with the last few... years? (more than a few really) with stupid decision after stupid decision from the supreme court the government funde#genocide and the rights of my friends being stripped away and support for fascists rising and Everything#i just think that steve would end up with some really depressing doodles#weighed down and strangled by the system he's thought to uphold#and the all the guilt that must drive#stevie i love you and happy birthday#but i just think it sucks to share your day with this country#steve rogers#artist steve#artist steve rogers#am i probably just projecting??? yes! of course! but shh let me have this#fandomfluffandfuck
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my birthday is next week (feb 6)! ; w ; and man. I'm gonna be 29 orz
#bug dad txt#my birthday always makes me depressed since i'm almost 30 and. i'm still doing nothing :(#and i can't really do much for my bday since i'm broke#my mom is gonna take me out for brunch next weekend tho :') so at least i have something to look forward too
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december most miserable month of the year
#🪐.txt#sowwy to vent#supremely sowwy#another tag to try and push this past the more button#anyway. severe depression and ear infection is a really fun combo. demons want me to isolate so bad rn#ive been trying to sleep it off but its difficult bc it just means im having fuckass dreams that spike my anxiety for no good reason#thirteen days until my birthday too... more bad times ahead lol#i just want a Win. one tiny win
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much love to the (multiple) mutuals i’ve seen agony posting on this fine new year’s day my heart is with you all in spirit 🎉🎉 the pain is incredible but this too will change
#i think i got through all my own angst after having a full on melt down spiraling panic attack and hiding in my room for approximately#92% of christmas day 👍#sucked ass btw. do not recommend#i hate this time of year and all these (northern hemisphere) winter holidays in particular#because it always feels like there’s So Many expectations to Be Happy!! Love Your Family!!! Become A Fresh New You!!!!!#which ime never fucking works. sorry for being a bitch but the harder you push me to get into#The Christmas Spirit the grouchier and more depressed i get#you don’t have to change everything Right Now. you don’t have to fix yourself by the end of january#you have a lifetime to figure that shit out and it’s your goddamn right to spend that time on your own goddamn terms#i appreciate all of you 🫶#and i like having you around#sigh. 1 am somewhat incoherency pardon if i’m making little sense#i think i’m just over trying to find the One True Solution that will fix me and make me a perfect new person#that never has any conflict with anyone and never does embarrassing shit i’m ashamed of or fucks up by not being an#omniscient emotionless robot#i’ll hold onto the smaller goals if only because ‘it’s good to have things to look forward to’#etc. etc.#but. that’s it and only barely#really i just hope my birthday isn’t as utterly dogshit as last year but :]#we’ll fucking see#i should probably just block every tag i can think of related to american politics that day tbh#sigh. horrors of a january 20th birthday#anywho.#there’s my new years rant happy 2025 or whatever let’s see how long it takes me to remember to write the new date#storm tag#broadcasts from the astronaut
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I'm 36 today! I wish you all a good Oedie day!
#happy birthday#happy birthday to me#last year I was severely depressed and suicidal and spent my birthday crying#today my mental health is so much better and I can actually enjoy my birthday#it gets better okay#it gets better#I know that seems inconceivable when you're in the midst of it but it really does
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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[wip] happy new year
#xiaoven#wip#Happy 2024 everyone#Wish you all the best for this year#I was kinda (a lot) drunk and ig drunk me decided to sober up by drawing#And now it's 6AM#Anyway little recap of this last few months of radio silence#I dropped out of my course during last week of uni bc I'm nothing if not consistent (esp in my wrongdoings)#Now I dont really know what to do with my life but you can bet your ass I'm still gonna draw something for xvx week later this month#before the birthday depression sets in#(those useless math exams be damned)
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birthdays are so great i feel so loved they almost make me forget that I want to kill myself next year
#omg kiera no one cares#NOT TO BE DEPRESSING I'M NOT I'M REALLY HAPPY TODAY#but it's like oh no the horrors of aging and being an adult and jobs and life and i hate it vs#YIPPEE DAY ALL ABOUT ME EVERYONE LOVES ME YIPPEE YAHOO I'M THE MOST SPECIAL KID IN THE WORLD!!!#like i keep giggling and jumping and shaking my hands cause I'm so happy and excited i wish birthdays were like everyday#or at least 2 a year so we don't get sick of them immediately
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My mom and brother drove me back up to Maine on Friday and had to leave today. I'm not going to see any of my family again until next summer
I'm being very brave about it
#(I'm not actually I'm a wreck but shhhhh)#mom left little encouraging notes all over the house while I was at school today#and I found them after they left and I mean I was already crying but that really did it#feel all hollow now and I'm mostly just waiting until it gets to be late enough that I can go to sleep#and mentally reset#cause I feel fragile as spun glass right now#but I have work tomorrow and things to do I need to get my feet under me again#so I'm going to sit here and mope and hopefully get it out of my system#so I can get a fresh start to the semester and restart my self-care/self-love campaign#cause admittedly that fell to the wayside some while I was back home#and it's my birthday here in a couple weeks#no one wants to be all sad and depressed on their birthday#sword speaks
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Neeeeeeeeed to be a dumb mutt again i think. Need to make mistakes and not understand basic things and instead of getting yelled at i just get a condescending look and accomodations. Next time i eat so fast i feel sick or try to save the best bite of food for last i need someome to put that shit in those scary spiky dog bowls that make it harder for your dog to eat so fast they throw up. Smiel
#raunchy rabble#nsft puppy#okay smile now the rest of these tags are me whining and going wahhhh wahhhh#im a pussy yes the withdrawal isnt that bad yes i know i promise idk why im being such a bitch#anyways i take effexor and i take two capsules. one big (75) and one thats half the size#i forgot to order the big size so today i was on a third of my dose#and i was already feeling bad due to sleep issues and food problems and depression etc#so it was just wrecking my shit and im at the sorta apex rn#and the worst part is its making me really atupid in the not fun sex way i keep forgetting things or being unable to understand basic shit#and ots scary for me and last time i experiencef effexor withdrawal my dad got mad at me for how much help i needed#'its just withdrawal its not cancer' or something but i have a headache and brain zaps and hot flashes and nausea and i cant think#and its just scary and upsetting to me rn. ALSO! this week i was gonna have my belated birthday dinner and if that got ruined bc of this???#its the one personal thing i got for my birthday and its late because my DAD felt too bad due to his own withdrawals to go!#anyways i decided to take extra of my small pills to make up for it bc i was gonna lose it#which worst case scenario means later im gonna have to do double the withdrawal time while takin 2/3rd my dose#better than half at 1/3rd my dose to me
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my birthday is tomorrow
#almost everyone has to work so not doing anything#honestly don't even care bc I don't like the focus on me but maybe i'll clean to make myself feel better in general#just feelin that general seasonal depression#i didnt even really have seasonal depression till i moved to the midwest and experienced real Winter™ lol#and of course my birthday lands smack dab in the middle of Winter™ 🥴#it kinda sucks bc everyone's depressed but it's nice that it's lowkey at the same time 🤷#maybe I'll get crab rangoons? 🤞🙏🏻#pointless text
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