#birdman and wife

[isabeauwolf]

Soooo I wasn't staying up past midnight on New Years thinking about Mary and Kai getting ready for the early morning Shrine visit and... the couple getting hot and heavy before Hari interrupted.....

Yeah... I started to write it XD I'm not sorry! And I'm sharing it! You're welcome!

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New Years

The outside world is still surrounded by darkness and cold.

Appearing lifeless and quiet.

The calm before the dawn of the New Year.

No matter how many times she awakens early out of habit, the split second between the winter darkness and sunrise is always her favorite time of the morning.

It has officially been a year since she returned to Japan. In the blink of an eye, Mary has been through so much.

Her reunion with Kai and Pops, meeting Dabi and Shigaraki, getting married and becoming The Shie Hassaikai's new Lady and Mistress. Becoming a mother to Eri, befriending Himiko and Jin.

Now, she was getting ready for the first shrine visit for the New Year.

Everyone agreed to meet at the shrine with the help of Kurogiri's warp gate.

The she wolf dressed in her favorite blue kimono littered with cherry blossoms as Kai drapes a white fur lined scarf around her neck and hummed in appreciation.

Magne had already helped both Himiko and Mary into their yukata's and applied their makeup. Her silver-white tresses were half up, half down, miniature braid falling and woven in between the hair stick Kai had given her for Christmas, the golden metal shining and shimmering in her hair as he stared at the Shie Hassaikai's emblem peaking back at him.

"I never get tired of seeing you dressed like this, my love." Kai murmurs, standing behind his wife and staring at her reflection in the mirror. "My own winter and wolfish goddess." His intense, heavy lidded and bright golden hues darkened and met her mismatched gems as he fully loomed over her, pressing her back against his chest, then pressed his lips against the top of her head. "Looking so stunning and tempting," his gloved hands lazily tracing every curve of her body before settling on her jaw to turn her head and kiss her, the other gripped her hip.

The simple kiss grew heated and passionate, dominant and possessive as he pulled away, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, smug and amused. "Oh dear.. I've ruined your pretty makeup." Thumb ghosting over her peach colored, smeared, plump bottom lip.

Mary was still breathless and dazed, damn, he knew what that look does to her.

Made her want to tear her clothes off and jump him, wipe that smug, asshole and cheeky grin off his handsome face.

Swallowing as she turned in his arms, chest pressed against his, fully clothed, but his stare made her feel nude and shiver. "Your stalling, Kai " Mary teased, capturing his thumb and wrapping her lips around the digit, licking the latex and hummed, holding his gaze.

Two can play at this game.

Kai's breath hitched as a low groan slipped past his lips, jaw tightening. "Teasing me back I see, angel." Watching as her lips curled around his finger, smirking and letting go with a wet pop. "Such a lewd, naughty and disgraceful display before we pray to the gods," his voice grew more raspy and deeper, desire clear and singing in his veins, his hips now flushed against her own.

"Call me out all you want my dearest, but you know you love me for it." Mary wrapped her arms around and gripped his ass, watching her husband gasp and shudder. His scent and proof of his arousal, hard and hidden underneath his own yukata. Rolling her hips and grinding, slow and sensual, "You are not a man of faith. You'd rather sneak me into the temple and bend me over, not giving a single fuck if any of the gods watched." She moaned, cheeks growing rosy as he nodded his head and grunted in agreement, buckling against her filthy words.

"Yes," he admitted, a possessive growl left his throat. "Showing them what's mine as your cries of pleasure echoes off the walls." Kai reached down to unwrap her obi, freeing her body from him when a knock sounded on the door, forcing them to pause.

The Yakuza Boss glared and scowled at the door. "What is it?" His tone clipped and hard, dripping with displeasure at being interrupted.

"Everyone is dressed and ready, Kai." Hari's voice answered on the other side of the door. He sounded smug, "Already can't wait to ravage and fuck your wife at the start of the New Year, I see, huh?"

The clock man knew, if he were anybody else, they would be a puddle of blood splatter right now.

Mary snickered and answered. "We will be out in a minute, Hari."

"I'll hold you to it, my lady." The man laughed, echoed as he turned. "Better hurry or else Pops will visit next, Kai." With that warning and tidbit, he walked down the hall and shook his head. No doubt, his best friend was going to scold him later.

It would be worth it, knowing his oldest friend would be flustered.

"C'mon you heard him." She leaned up and rubbed her nose against his, pecking his lips in a light kiss, letting him go and smiled, showing off her overly sharp canines. "Besides, I know how much you hate how quickly crowded it gets real fast."

Kai didn't want to let go. He knew if they were late, then they would be stuck in the crowds, jam packed and squished, the thought alone made his skin crawl and itchy.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he sighed and pressed his forehead against hers. "Dammit, you are both right." Reopening his eyes, flickering his gaze downward at the sinful and tasteful view of her cleavage peaking out from her simple layer, noticing her nipples were hard and strained against the material, begging for his attention. Grip tightened around her hips once more, then letting go to capture her mouth again in a quick kiss. "When we get back I want you before breakfast and that's final." He promised, pulling away and helping her redress.

Mary bit her lower lip and nodded her head. " Yes, Kai."

[celebritydominatrix]

Now you’re wearing a suit? You used to not wear A SHIRT. Thanks for the new music…

Oh yeah, if it’s not your channel and I comment on there talking to you, how do you get the message? Have other people got the message?

This thing will send subliminal messages lol

Si o no?

Why’d Birdman send in the Hispanics? What’s his problem? Is he a weirdo? Lololol…

[potato-lord-but-not]

2024 ART BATTLE MASTERPOST

It’s that time of year again folks !! we’re pitting 64 baddies against each other in a battle to the death!!!

ROUND 1

LEFT BRACKET:

Wife Painting vs John Tarot

Susan Sto Helit vs Celestial Girlfriend

Jarthur Strolling vs Sad Gay Men

Watchtower vs Jarthur Kiss

Basira vs Nikola

I Hope This Hurts vs Red Wine Supernova

Haunted vs My Beautiful Boyfriend

Azicrow Kiss vs Jarthur

Slouching Towards Bethlehem vs Wife Portrait

Doug + Hera vs Ford

Arkayne vs William de Worde

The Come Brothers vs Oliver Banks

Slutty Arthur vs Butch Frankencreature

Arcane Holy Ghosts vs Arthur Tarot

Dyhard vs Demigirl Ghost

Jmart Francesca vs Gerry

RIGHT BRACKET:

Jed + Sydney vs Monkey Man

Oscar Tarot vs Jon Sims

Rincewind vs Eva Birdman Jarthur

Holy Ghosts vs Fallen Angel John

Trust Ceremony vs Demiboy Bug

Decay vs Your Body My Temple

Will Wood DTIYS vs Michael Distortion

Blindfaith vs Cecil Palmer

Zingtastic Jarthur vs Moist Page

John Doe DTIYS vs Will Wood Page

Will Wood vs Moist Von Lipwig

Arthur Dent vs Jon DTIYS

Kayne vs Hand Me My Shovel

My Beautiful Wife vs Jhariah Page

Nicoriice Gays vs Zaphod + Trillian

Fire4Fun Arthur vs Malevolent Poster

ROUND 2

John Tarot vs Celestial Girlfriend

Sad Gay Men vs Jarthur Kiss

Basira vs Red Wine Supernova

Haunted vs Jarthur

Slouching Towards Bethlehem vs Ford

Arkayne vs Oliver Banks

Slutty Arthur vs Arthur Tarot

Dyhard vs Jmart Francesca

Moneky Man vs Oscar Tarot

Eva Birdman Jarthur vs Fallen Angel John

Trust Ceremony vs Your Body My Temple

Will Wood DTIYS vs Blindfaith

Moist Page vs John Doe DTIYS

Will Wood vs Jon DTIYS

Hand Me My Shovel vs My Beautiful Wife

Zaphod + Trillian vs Malevolent Poster

ROUND 3

Celestial Girlfriend vs Sad Gay Men

Red Wine Supernova vs Jarthur

Slouching Towards Bethlehem vs Oliver Banks

Arthur Tarot vs Jmart Francesca

Oscar Tarot vs Fallen Angel John

Trust Ceremony vs Blindfaith

Moist Page vs Jon DTIYS

My Beautiful Wife vs Malevolent Poster

ROUND 4

Celestial Girlfriend vs Jarthur

Oliver Banks vs Jmart Francesca

Fallen Angle John vs Blindfaith

Jon DTIYS vs Malevolent Poster

ROUND 5

Celestial Girlfriend vs Jmart Francesca

Fallen Angel John vs Malevolent Poster

FINAL ROUND

Celestial Girlfriend vs Malevolent Poster

2024 ART BATTLE CHAMPION

CELESTIAL GIRLFRIEND BEATS ALL ODDS AND SECURED A VICTORY !!!!

thank you potatolord nation for choosing gay love over podcast men I know it was hard

[flowerbloom-arts]

2 days ago I had a dream where I was walking around someplace with the Princess from Slay The Princess and we were planning to get married together (I even saw myself in a wedding dress in the mirror) so??? I think that means I win?? At everything. Like. Bye she's my wife now.

Also here's some regular fanart I've been putting off from posting for a while, I love the idea that the voices + the Narrator are just different invisible birds perched on Birdman's shoulder, although I couldn't do all of them because motivation so I just did my top 3 voices and the ol' Always Stick Around

[redflagshipwriter]

Nest Swap 9

masterpost

Having a mission changed everything. 

Tim took full advantage of his new knowledge of the holy manuals. The first rule that he took to heart was that he was meant to be armed. Of course! It made sense.

Unfortunately, he was also not meant to take any weapon onto the field that he hadn’t trained with. Tim thought hard for a while whether or not a suburban house counted as ‘in the field’, but it seemed like he should pay lip service to Batman’s rule. So he got some sharp things that seemed interesting and spent some time throwing them at a target. They kind of looked like Batarangs, but… different. 

“I don’t think bats change shape in the next ten years or so,” Tim muttered. He gave another half hearted throw. The thing dinged off the wall below his target. “So this isn’t meant to be a bat shape. Did Batman rebrand to the Birdman and no one fixed his wiki page yet? Is this a parallel universe and not my actual future?”

It occurred to him that it might be a bird because of Robin. But come on, Robins didn’t use sharp things. Robin was a child. It was irresponsible for children to use blades. 

Tim sent another thingy into the wall. It hit with the pointy end first this time and sank an inch into the wall to the right of the target. He held his breath as it wiggled for a moment. Then it went still without falling.

“Yes!” He punched the air. Thank gosh! He was getting bored with that. It was good to be done with training. It was kind of dull.

Steps one and two were finished. He had a weapon and he had trained with it. Tim went back to his list. The next technical skill set was lock picking. That was super easy and fun! Tim enjoyed the clear diagrams and explanations. There wasn’t anything to practice with, but he thought that he had the concept down handily. He grabbed a set of lockpicks for his khaki pockets. 

He needed to do a little more to understand the patterns of the target, as well as their background. Tim considered asking Jason for any information, but he probably didn’t have any. Maybe he wasn’t very good at googling. So he just did it. The Sausage Guy was more commonly known as Benedict Orange, a name that Tim really liked and mentally stored away to use as an alias when he was a superhero. 

Anyway. Tim figured out how old the guy was, where he’d gone to school, and a bunch of other stuff like the record of his marriage ten years ago. 

“Huh,” Tim said, brows furrowed. “I didn’t find a divorce record. But he’s single now?” Mr. Orange had accounts on a lot of dating sites. He was using his engagement photo for the profile photo, with his wife cut out.

That was weird. He tried to find the wife, but there wasn’t anything more recent than 8 years ago, when she’d announced that she was quitting her job on social media. 

…Tim had kind of a bad feeling about that. 

He put a pin in it for now, but he had a small theory at the back of his mind that started with ‘I think this guy killed his wife.’

Maybe that was how the human sausage thing started. Maybe he’d killed her on impulse and then needed a way to get rid of the body. And then maybe he’d gotten a taste for it.

Tim shuddered. Okay, okay, he was for real done thinking about this! Big yucky.

Benny Orange was an office worker with a title that Tim didn’t really understand. It seemed vague to the point of uselessness, but then again, that was office work. The relevant thing was that he got home around 6 pm, and he left at 8 am.

It was 10 in the morning. Tim could get over there and toss Benny’s home before the end of the workweek if he hurried. The manual said that you should never spend more than an hour investigating an unsecured location. It also said that you should file a report or directly inform someone of where you’d be. 

That part made Tim pause for a moment before he remembered that he’d told Jason. Jason would probably check on him when he woke up, or whatever.

Tim found an equipment belt that he could wrap around his waist twice to buckle on. He put his sharp things in it. Then he untucked his shirt, because he had tucked it in out of habit and that would make it harder to access his weapons. He frowned as he did it. It just felt wrong.

He put on his shoes and got out the door. He didn’t have a lot of time to waste if he wanted to be able to take his time, so Tim hailed a taxi to cross most of the distance this time. He was grateful that Mrs. Henderson was gone and there was no chance of seeing her. Last time had been a little bit of a disaster. Needing civilian help to get into the building was not a winning move.

He had bat-approved lockpicks this time. He went to the front door and did his best. 

It turned out that maybe he should have practiced? Tim started to sweat out in the open. It felt like someone was staring at his back. He looked at the houses around. No one was at their windows or walking outside. He started jumping whenever the tall herbs in Mr. Orange's garden swayed in the breeze. He had a lot of plants.

His hands were shaking. The sweat made his shirt stick to his back. He was going to get caught and in so much trouble.

When the door finally opened, Tim offered up a thanks to Bast, because he assumed the cat goddess was more likely to be pro-breaking and entering than other gods. That logic was just based off of what he knew about Catwoman, honestly. 

The first glimpse into Benedict Orange's home was disappointingly normal. He had vinyl flooring (easy to clean!), leather furniture, and a big flat TV high up on the wall. He didn’t have enough knickknacks and there was no art. There was a wood and glass case that was full of identical, unlabeled bottles with something red in it. Hot sauce? Was he a hot sauce guy?

Tim mentally reclassified Mr. Orange further down the list of ‘people I could talk to at a cocktail party.’

The place had the same layout as Mrs. Henderson’s place, just in reverse. Tim beelined to the kitchen because.. Well.

He just did.

The counter space where Mrs. Henderson had a hot water kettle, a big stand mixer, and a toaster was mostly clear here. Mr. Orange only had one piece of cooking machinery. Tim didn’t know it. He squinted at it. It was a big shiny stainless steel thing. It had a metal tray, a wheel, and like… a nozzle. When he climbed on a chair to look down, he could see there was a little tunnel tube thing where you could put stuff inside the body of the machine.

Weird. Moving on!

He checked inside the fridge. He stared for a moment of aghast silence. There was a stack of takeout containers, a bunch of seasonings in the door, and a stack of tupperware with something red in them. 

Cautiously, Tim dug one out and opened it.

“That’s raw meat,” he said, voice high. He put the box back in and then hesitated. Maybe he should be like, taking it? Or taking a sample? To see what animal it came from?

“I’ll think about it.” Tim shut the fridge a little harder than he needed to and beat feet out of the kitchen. He started checking the other rooms. He found the master bedroom. His nose wrinkled. “I don’t think he’s restyled this since Brenda died,” Tim complained. He looked at the curtains with extreme judgment. They were so outdated it wasn’t even funny, but they also weren’t retro yet!

Oh. Wait. Belatedly, Tim remembered that it was ten years into his future. So, maybe they were retro now. Anyways, Brenda had liked the trend for chickens and roosters. There were chickens and roosters everywhere in the decor, including a cute print of what was obviously intended to be a husband and wife pair snuggling on a sofa.

His heart hurt a little. He looked at it a little too long. 

Tim took a deep breath. Then he went back to looking for evidence. There wasn’t much in the bedroom, so clearly Mr. Orange had a personal office elsewhere. There were two more rooms in the apartment.

Tim opened the next door. The room was mostly a guest bedroom, with the notable exception of a huge chest freezer and a weird long wooden bar across the room.

Tim shut the door.

The last room was the office. There was a desk, a file cabinet, and a lockbox full of women’s drivers licenses.

“Yeah, okay,” Tim said under his breath. “He’s a serial killer.” He took photos and sent them to Jason immediately with the subject line “Yeah he’s a killer!!!”

Then he got down to sorting through the papers to see if there was anything else. Jason was a Robin, Tim supposed, so he’d need the evidence to show the police. It would be helpful if he just went and sorted it out now. He found warranties for the TV, the new freezer, and he presumed that ‘Meat Grinder’ meant the thing in the kitchen.

“I appreciate that he’s so organized, actually,” Tim muttered. He was hunched over digging through the bottom drawer now.

A key went into a door. 

Tim froze stock still. He slowly, silently shut the drawer. He stared at the closed door to the living room. On the other side of it, Mr. Orange unlocked and opened the front door. Tim slowly looked up, saw 12:14 on the clock, and vaguely registered that sometimes people come home on their lunch breaks.

The front door shut. There was a quiet metal sound that Tim thought was probably the chain lock. The chain lock that was too high for him to move without a chair to stand on.

Okay. Uh. He looked around for a place to hide. The best option was under the desk. Tim crawled through the legs of the chair, heart beating furiously.

He weighed his options. Wait it out and hope Mr. Orange didn’t come in?

…Seemed risky. But there was no way he was going to run out past the guy to the front door. At least, the odds that he’d get grabbed were just not good, not when he didn’t know where Mr. Orange was. 

Alright. Tim knew reality. He might not be able to get out of this on his own. At the very least, he should let Jason know what was going on so that they could add his murder to the list of charges. And maybe Jason was close by to help? Wayne Manor was awfully far away, so probably not. But it didn’t hurt to try.

He got his phone back out and was silently very glad that he had it. Jason had responded to his message. Tim didn’t take the time to read it, instead typing up a blank email with the subject line “um might need help asap :( he here”. He sent it. Then he huddled down to wait.

Noises came from the kitchen- the suction as the fridge opened. The beep of the microwave. A man’s voice saying, “What the fuck? Did I leave this here?”

His blood turned ice cold.

‘What did I do?’ Tim desperately tried to remember what he’d touched in the kitchen. Had he really moved something around? He didn’t remember anything! His heart rate went up like crazy.

The door opened. Tim flinched. His whole body started shaking uncontrollably.

Oh. No. It wasn’t this door yet. It was the door to the next room, the spare bedroom. He heard the weird squelch of the chest freezer opening. Then the closet door squeaked open. Something heavy moved around. 

“Well, it wasn’t you,” said Mr. Orange. There was a mean satisfaction in his tone. The heavy thing moved again.

Tim’s brain went a bit blank.

Who was he talking to? Was there someone in the apartment? Hidden behind something heavy?

He opened up another email. Jason hadn’t responded, so there was no way to know if he’d seen. Tim hastily typed up, “I think there’s a living hostage in the house” and sent it as the door to the office opened.

He hugged his arms around his knees and squeezed his eyes shut. Oh gosh. Oh heck. Oh no, oh no. He bit his lower lip and broke skin.

‘No. I can’t be a baby about this.’ 

It was really hard with how stiff his fingers felt. But Tim put the phone in his pocket and wrestled the sharp bird weapon out. He held it clumsily. And he watched Mr. Orange’s feet move around the room. They walked around the room. He saw the curtains move as Mr. Orange pulled them to check no one was hiding there. Then he knew that Mr. Orange was coming to his hiding spot.

Tim swallowed. He waited until Mr. Orange’s feet were in sight. He stabbed his sharp thing down through the top of Mr. Orange’s sock.

Mr. Orange bellowed and fell back against his filing cabinet. 

Tim scrambled out and ran.

He went towards the front door on automatic and nearly got there before he looked up and saw that yes, the chain lock was on. He couldn’t reach it. 

“You little shit!” Mr. Orange bellowed. He lunged at Tim. Tim barely dodged. He jabbed at him again without looking and barreled towards the door to Mrs. Henderson’s apartment. It only had a doorknob lock. He unlatched it, praying that she had not changed her ideas about the open door policy. The door handle turned.

He threw himself into the room and slammed the door shut. He clicked the little button lock.

Mr. Orange hit the door, hard. It shook. He wasn’t saying anything anymore. There was something about that which struck Tim as absolutely terrifying. Didn’t people bellow and yell when they were mad? 

He looked towards Mrs. Henderson’s door. The door shook again as Mr. Orange hit it.

Wood splintered.

If he went out Mrs. Henderson’s front door he could sprint for it. What were the odds he could outrun a grown man? If he did, wouldn’t Mr. Orange just get in his car? Potential witnesses had made Mr. Orange back off before, but he was more invested now in silencing Tim. And there was no one around. Tim had checked. 

The door splintered again. He could see Mr. Orange’s shoulder. Then a socked foot.

‘I don’t think I stabbed his foot well enough,’ some distant part of Tim’s brain catalogued. ‘He’s still moving on it. If I live past this, I’m going to commit to the next stabbing with more enthusiasm.’

He bolted for the stand where Mrs. Henderson kept her mace. He was just out of sight from Mr. Orange’s hole in the door. His heart thudded so loud. His shaking had stopped. The mace didn’t  feel heavy. 

‘If I was taller, i’d aim for the face. I can’t pull that off. I’ll aim for center mass. He may block with an arm, but theoretically his arm will be hurt enough that I’ll be able to pull back and make another swing.’

There was a catastrophic smash from inside Mr. Orange’s apartment. 

Then a “What the fuck-” that got cut off a little early. Mr. Orange sounded mad and confused. 

A thud. Two smaller thuds. A clicking. Tim wanted so badly to know what was going on. 

A hand reached through the hole in the door and unlatched the lock. 

Tim swallowed. He readied a swing. 

The door opened.

Tim took a step forward and swung Mrs. Henderson’s antique mace with maximum strength directly into the armored center mass of a guy who was NOT Mr. Orange.

“Oh my gosh,” Tim said, horrified, at the instant he connected. The guy was looking forward. He looked down too late, just as the mace hit.

There was sort of a bounce. The mace bounced back off the tummy armor without digging in or drawing blood. Half of Tim was relieved, and half was terrified that his plan had failed. 

The guy doubled over and made a sound that was a lot like GURK. He clutched at his torso with one arm and pointed a gun at Tim with the other.

Tim put his hands up.

The guy looked at Tim. Presumably. It was hard to tell through his ugly red motorcycle helmet.

“I really should have known.” 

His mechanical voice was scary.

Bad guy! 

Tim took his chances and another swing before the guy could shoot him. He expected to hear a shot as he smashed his mace again. The guy yelped and jerked backwards to avoid getting hit. Then there was a thud.

Tim peered through the door cautiously. The guy had tripped over Mr. Orange. Mr. Orange was laying on the floor facedown, arms zip tied behind his back. 

“Oh, sorry,” Tim apologized. He took a couple steps over to put the mace back away. He gave Mr. Orange a wide berth.

“I never would have guessed that the Red Hood used kids like this,” Mr. Orange said meanly. He narrowed his eyes at Tim. “Small, even for bait.”

The Red Hood guy pointed his gun at Mr. Orange’s head. Tim shrieked.

The Red guy stopped. He seemed to look at Tim again. He had some really bad words. “Alright.” He got back up to his feet and put the gun away.

Right. He’d probably just been joking or something. Tim belatedly registered the control it must have taken to not accidentally shoot while being attacked and falling over. 

Oh. Wait. It was a huge coincidence that a hero came right now, unless-

‘Is this Jason?’ Tim felt his eyebrows go all the way up. He wanted to ask a million questions. His mouth was firmly glued shut, though. Partly it was infosec. But it was also embarrassment.

[r0-boat]

Birdie Bride

Sfw Yandere!Harpy! Larry x GN!reader

Cw: slight yandere, (no killing or harm towards reader just watching them and kidnapping)

Gendered nickname: Wife (Larry does not know anything about humans)

Author's notes: yandere Larry is easy mode. I see him being a very light yandere. The most he'll do is kidnap you really and stalk you, but that's about it. So, you people who don't really like yandere's for their overbearing and murdering nature I feel like you enjoy this one.

Gentle claws brush against your cheek. Sharp jet-black eyes gaze down at you, taken in your unconscious form sprawled out in his nest. Curiosity took over the creature's mind as he tried to figure it out. Who or what are you? He had always watched you from afar his, his claws digging into the bark of a tree, watching you, studying you, a craving to satisfy a need to creep closer. 

Now that he had found you unconscious in that weird, thin hide cage. Larry could finally fully drink you in, cause gently prodding your hair and pawing at each strand to find out a single feather; at the same time, his own talons graze through his own black and white hair as if he was comparing mammalian hair to his mixed concoction of human hair and avian feathers.

He wasn't done. However, his claws gently grazed against your skin down your arm as if meticulously looking for a single feather on your skin.

You were not a harpy, it was evident, not a single feather on you. Your Talons were dull and flat, and when he gently pressed his thumb against your lip to inspect your teeth you had no Sharp things to rip and tear through meat, feeling your soft fleshy lips in the process.

You were not a harpy, but he can't deny the Primitive feeling he felt when he caught a whiff of your scent, even now as he pressed his nose against the nape of your neck, his black and white wings puffed up, his eyes open and softened.

Intoxicating.

If not, mate, then why is his body reacting this way? Why is his heart pounding in his chest? His face flushed with heat, instinctually letting out a low-throated cooing noise. He wanted more. Larry wasn't sure what he wanted, but he knew he wanted more: no more light touches with his fingers to inspect you. He tried to place his hand against your stomach, almost hypnotized by how it moved up and down as you breathed calmly. Despite his eagerness to be close to his mate, his hand approached you slowly and carefully.

Only to flinch away when you stir in his nest, tossing in the soft straw pillows and blankets. Keeping his distance but quietly observing as you slowly awaken from your slumber, expecting to wake up in your tent only to realize that your hand grazes through a straw immediately. Your heart quickens the fog of sleepiness immediately lifting as you bolt awake, scaring the figure next to you. Black wings flap as he jumps back, startled by your sudden movement, only to crawl toward you slowly.

That's when you finally saw your kidnapper. Jet black eyes matching with his feathers, with with what you see patches of graying feather. Even as he crawled, it was clear that he could easily tower over you. You were unable to speak due to your circumstances, and you're being riddled with anxiety and fear of just being kidnapped while unconsciously thinking that it's just a bad dream. Your palms were sweaty legs and arms shaking. You are not on the ground anymore, your eyes looking down a high drop. 

Larry notices your eyes filled with fear. His voice is low, husky, yet gentle.

"Do not be scared, wife. I will not hurt you,"

Out of everything that was happening, that one little nickname robbed your attention away, finally getting you able to speak.

"W-wait what did you just call me?" Your voice cracked fear still in your system as you try to scoot a little away as the big birdman urges you closer to his body.

"This is what human males call their mates, is it not?"

His knowledge of humans is highly lacking. However, getting him to change his mind on the little pet name he gave you seems complicated. But you had better things to worry about, like getting out of this nest and away from him.

" you do not have wings, wife; please stay away from the edge."

Larry cooed, still using that softer voice. You pull your arms closer to your body, or fists clenched as your whole body tenses up. His black wings brush against your side and closing you against his chest.

Almost in his lap, your body was pressed against him, a firm hand against your back, and his wing wrapped around you. You feel his nose nestle against your forehead.

Even though you've been kidnapped, things could have been worse. This bird guy doesn't seem like he wants to hurt you. You can't help but feel your heart fluttered by his voice when he calls you that little nickname. Even though he's technically wrong, it doesn't feel bad. Holding you against his chest like this feels kind of nice; it is better than killing you. Hopefully, you can convince him to let you go. Unbeknownst to you, Larry plans to keep you for a very long time.

[twst-drabbles]

... Just a funny thought.

Janitor Prefect works in the middle of the night since it's the time nobody really bothers them, so I ended up stumbling upon the thought of the Janitor being kidnapped by the Ghost Princess cause of their "hard-working nature despite the abuse they face in their day to day life! A perfect spouse to care and cherish me!" as she says.

Anyways, I bring this up cause I think it would be funny to have the NRC Staff be the ones to go "alright, Sam, dress us up, we're seducing a ghost," cause the Janitor is a staff member first and it's their responsibility. Even Crowley is in on it and we all know I want this birdman to fail so horrendously. The students are going to have a laugh.

Also I 100% feel that Mozus would probably almost succeed in capturing the Princess's attention, but someone will fuck it up and mention his wife and he will get slapped as well. I bet his wife would understand the circumstances from the great beyond. Doesn't make Mozus feel any less guilty.

[olsenmyolsen]

Lots of Love

master list

dark master list

Post AoU (WandaNat)

Word Count: 2.9K

TW: Mentions of Hydra, Ultron, Pietro Death

It has been four months since Pietro Maximoff was killed by Ultron.

In those months, no one had grieved more than his sister, Wanda Maximoff.

Between leaving the only home she'd ever known in the worst state it had ever been in—the culture shock of America. Testing, training, and above all else, trying to live free once again... it hasn't exactly been easy for the young woman.

Sure, the team, The Avengers, have tried to be there for Wanda. Steve acting as a mentor and trainer for her abilities. Sam there for a good laugh when he wasn't tracking down leads for Steve's missing friend. Clint becoming somewhat of an Uncle with trips to the farm to see little fat Nathaniel and is always there to help with any questions regarding her newfound home.

For instance, a few weeks after Clint got Wanda her first-ever phone, she was confused by words and phrases being thrown at her.

"Clint." Wanda, with her accent still heavy, approached the man who had an arm around his wife as the two sat in the living room watching some reality trash. Wanda secretly stayed up late and watched the night before. "Sam texted the chat and said, lol,what does this mean?"

"It means lots of love," Clint responded without a second thought, earning a slap on the arm from Laura. "Not it doesn't." "Yes, it does." He countered. "Wanda." Laura sat up. "It used to mean lots of love. But everyone uses it to mean laugh out loud nowadays."

While Laura's explanation correct. It confused the witch even more. She looked at her phone and back to Laura. "So when I wrote, Sam Clint mentioned he was going to work on the house today and show me how to tend the horses, but all he's done is sit on the couch for the last two hours. Is this normal? He thought I was joking?" Wanda states, deeply unaware of how insulting the text sounded to none other than Clint's one good ear.

However, Laura laughs hard as Wanda stands beside the couch with an awkward feeling around her.

Clint musters up the strength within him to let Wanda know that, yes, Sam thought she was joking and that maybe she doesn't have to be Avengers-level observant when on the farm.

"Anyways, Birdman clearly doesn't understand the amount of work I do, but he will during training on Monday." Clint winks at Wanda, who shrugs. "I guess." Wanda still a little lost answers, honestly.

"Here, why don't you come sit, and I'll get started on those chores." Clint has Wanda take his place while Laura gets ready to start lunch. "You okay, though, right?" The guy with the weapon choice of two strings and stick asks, earning a nod from Wanda.

Truth be told, Wanda was doing better today. She just kept getting lost in her thoughts. She was excited to be an Avenger. To help others. Fight for the greater good. Save people from a cold, abused life she had while with Hydra. But training was exhausting. Especially when her powers grew more and more each day, that just meant pushing herself further and further.

Sometimes it worked. Like when she could lift and move Steve several feet in the air.

But there were still setbacks. And those hurt Wanda. It made her feel small, like no one would trust her if she accidentally threw Vision just a little too hard into a stack of mats one more time.

Thankfully, Vision has an indestructible head.

But you see what I mean? These last four months haven't exactly been easy for the young woman.

"You start with Romanoff this week, right?" Laura asks as she enters the room again.

There was the last little kicker—the Black Widow.

Ever since the red jacket incident, the only women on the team haven't said, well.. anything to each other. But the two women knew why. Natasha intimidated the younger woman, while Wanda's powers frightened and angered Natasha.

Years of trauma and memories were pulled back to the front of Natasha's mind in a snap, and it destroyed her. Days after the fall of Sokovia. No one saw Natasha.

Days turned into two weeks before Steve was surprised to find her alone in the vast training room before sunrise. Knuckles and feet bloodied. However, she still didn't talk. And when she did, it was in Russian. Something the old man didn't know.

The only person on the team to know Russian. To be able to communicate with Natasha was playing host to the enemy from three weeks prior.

And then the witch was back in the compound. Everyone greeted her. Except one. Everyone showed her around. Except one. Everyone apologized and tried to make conversation about the rise and fall of Ultron. Except two. Tony and Natasha. But Stark is a story for a different day.

So those weeks turned into months, and Wanda and Natasha could be in the same room, but whenever the younger one opened her mouth, the older one would leave, not without a glare or longing stare of curiosity. Those became normal.

So when the question was asked. "You start with Romanoff this week, right?" Wanda started praying to everyone and anything that Natasha Romanoff wouldn't kill her.

_

Wanda and Clint step into the smaller gym reserved for Wanda's training. "Don't sweat it. I talked to her." Clint tried to reassure the enhanced individual, but what he says does the opposite. "Thanks, Clint." She manages to reply through a panic hidden beneath her smile. "Should I warm up-"

"You're late!" The booming voice of Natasha scares Wanda and Clint. "In the future, Clint, if I say I want Wanda here at 7, what time do you think I mean?" Clint rubs the back of his neck, realizing his fuck up. "6:30." Wanda gives Clint a crazy look as he hides his face. "So she's late," Natasha emphasizes. "You can go."

"But I thought I would..." His voice trails off as Natasha raises her eyebrow. She's in a mood already, and Clint doesn't want to end up on the inside of a punching bag. Again. "Good luck, kid. I'll see you later." Clint frantically leaves Wanda without any protection.

"Alright. Stretch. Let's go." Natasha doesn't give Wanda any time before she's already in the middle of the floor doing a pose Wanda has never seen before.

Wanda tried her best to follow suit, but she can't bend like Natasha can. Natasha knows this, too. For the last month since Natasha got the word she'd be training Maximoff, she started doing expert-level training poses three times a day. Even on the days when she was busy, she would find a way to excuse herself to train.

So, as Nat does her moves flawlessly, Wanda falters at every step. Making a smile crack onto the Russians' face. So the little witch needs more help than she thought. Excellent.

"Am I really going to be a pretzel when I'm doing stealth missions, or is this just to punish me?" Wanda complained 45 minutes after Clint left. "It's not called the pretzel." Natasha quickly warns, making Wanda roll her eyes. "Doing stretches like this will make you more nimble." Natasha stops doing her pose and lets out a big breath before standing up in front of Wanda, lying on her back.

"You know I can move things with my mind, right?"

Now Natasha rolls her eyes. "Using your powers won't mean anything if you can't fight or escape a situation using your body. Get up."

Wanda groans, completely tired at Natasha, who hasn't even broken a sweat. She knows I'm not a widow, right? I can't just do what she does? Wanda thinks to herself as she follows Natasha across the room.

However, Wanda goes from thinking about all the stupid poses she just did, to pretzels, to watching Natasha. She walks with pressure on the front of her feet. It makes her silent, Wanda realizes. Wanda's eyes move up Natasha's legs covered by fabric, but the toned muscle underneath can still be seen. The higher Wanda goes, the more her breathing picks up.

Natasha walks in front of Wanda, aware of the wandering eyes behind her. She can sense them from miles away if she wanted to. But here, right now, Natasha feels Wanda's eyes scanning down her back to her butt. Again.

Stop staring

Wanda lifts her face to see Natasha stopping and turning to face her with a smile. Those thoughts weren't Wanda's own. Were they Nat's?!

Green

Wanda goes to open her mouth, but Natasha stops her with a punch thrown to her hip. Not using ALL of her strength, but the Russian could've been kinder.

"Ow fuck!" Wanda screams, using her favorite American curse word. "What the hell?!" She lifts her eyes up to see Natasha with a smirk on her face in a fighting pose.

She's such a poser, Wanda thinks as the pain in her hip subsides.

"You need to be ready at all times. Observant always." Natasha takes a step towards Wanda, who puts up her hands. "So instead of staring at my ass, you could've been assessing threats!" Wanda's cheeks go red. She was caught. And those thoughts she heard were Nat's. Shit.

"Oh please, you're not the first person to ever look." Natasha snarks, dismissing Wanda's embarrassment. "Now, will you try to train or think about me some more? I can do both. Can you?" This makes Wanda want to fight. She doesn't like being called out for a mistake like this one. She didn't even mean to stare at her ass that second time! (She did.)

Plus, seeing Natasha saying this many words in this close proximity is throwing Wanda for a loop. If she didn't know any better, Wanda would think Natasha was being friendly.

"No powers. Remember." Wanda nods. "You should speak up when I talk to you, Maximoff." Wanda glares daggers that bounce off the redhead. "Yes. No powers."  Natasha smirks. This the first time she's been able to get under the skin of the person that sent her spiraling.

After circling each other once more, Wanda tries to make the first move. But Natasha was counting on it. When Wanda lunges forward, she fully extends her arm—mistake number one. Romanoff grabs Wanda's bicep and pulls her off balance before Nat sweeps Wanda's legs, causing the younger woman to fall face-first on the mat.

"Wow. Are you sure you've been training with Steve?" Natasha mocks with a smile. Whether it was her intention or not, Wanda is getting upset. But when her face, back, and ass land on the mat in succession, followed by mocks, Wanda thought she went from being upset to pissed.

It didn't help that every time the Widow got the upper hand on Wanda, she could hear Natasha's thoughts.

Red jacket

Sloppy

Should've grabbed here instead of here

"You're trying to fail."

Green eyes

She can't rely on her powers

"You're made of marble."

Like I said. Wanda thought she was pissed. So when she got up from the mat quicker than Natasha anticipated and charged, Natasha couldn't do anything but take the hit as the two fell to the mat again. Wanda quickly holding Natasha's hands above her head. "Finally!" Natasha exclaimed through the tiny amount of pain she felt. "It's about time you got that emo anger back."

She immediately made this a lesson that Wanda failed to see it was. Even though Wanda used all that she had without her powers, Natasha didn't flinch. 'Emo Anger.'

For the multi-hundredth time since entering the compound, Wanda was hurt. It was written on her face. Natasha could look up and see it but wasn't sure what to do. For the second time since the flight back from Sokovia, Natasha saw Wanda as something other than the opposition. She saw something else. But first...

She was about to see Wand cry.

That chipped away at the rough exterior Natasha had built up since they met. "Hey Wand-"

The tight grip Wanda had on Natasha's wrists melted away as the more petite woman started to cry. Her body sliding off of Natasha's, landing on her side. Natasha quickly and without thinking wraps her arms around Wanda, sending jolts of electricity through their bodies.

It was then Natasha realized that, yes, she was terrified of Wanda's power but not Wanda. For the last four months, Natasha had been observing Wanda. At first, it was a way to protect her team members from an outside threat, but it slowly and somehow became a crush that hadn't made itself known till this second.

As Natasha held Wanda close, the witch cried more. She was mentally tired and physically exhausted. She was sure Natasha hated her even more now, and all she wanted was her brother. She wanted to speak to him one last time. Tell him that he was loved. That her favorite shows weren't the same without his complaints. She wanted to see him.

But here she was, lying on the floor, crying into the arms of the Black Widow.

"Let it out, Wanda... It's okay.." Wanda, through her calming tears, heard the sweet murmuring of Natasha. And through more sniffles and confused thoughts, Wanda couldn't help but say: "Do you hate me?" Natasha peered over Wanda's face.

Green eyes

Pink lips

Wanda's sad-looking eyes opened wider at the sound of the other woman's thoughts. "I don't hate you, Wanda."

"But you did." Wanda counteracts. Natasha thinks as she moves a hand up and down the witches back. "I did. But that was misplaced. I'm sorry for that." Wanda couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her brain was still stuck on the thoughts from earlier.

Natasha is thinking about her.

Natasha doesn't hate her.

Natasha apologized.

Natasha.

Wanda looked up to see Natasha already looking at her. "Are you feeling better?" Natasha asked. "Yes. Thank you." Wanda answered, but neither one moved. Natasha kept her arms around Wanda. While Wanda kept her face near the crook of Nat's neck. "Cinnamon."

"What?" Natasha had a smile people would pay to see. Or would be killed if they saw it. "Your hair. It smells like cinnamon. The great Black Widow uses cinnamon-infused shampoo." Nat rolled her eyes but couldn't help but be happy in this moment. "Lavender." She replied. "That's what you use." Natasha looked down at the smiling teammate, who wiped her eyes free of any remaining evidence of tears.

She saw it—a smile on Wanda's face.

A smile that Natasha made happen.

Beautiful 

Wanda pushed her head into Natasha in an effort to hide the fact that she read her thoughts and to not let Nat see her blush.

"Natasha." Wanda's muffled voice hit the spy's ears. "Yes?" Wanda was nervous on what to say next. She hadn't felt this way in a long time. "Your thoughts... I can hear them. I promise I wasn't trying. They were just loud."

Silence.

When Wanda had the courage to poke her eye out of Natasha's neck, she saw her staring away. "I think we should end training. I'll let Steve know that-" "Wait, Natasha, I didn't mean-" Natasha tried her best to pull her arm out from under the witch, but the Black Widow trained Wanda. So, in one fell swoop. Wanda gripped Natasha's arm back and kicked her forward, so Natasha surprisingly was on her back once again.

In an instant, Wanda was on top of her.

"It's okay," Wanda spoke closer to Nat's face than ever before. "You're not who they made you to be." Natasha's eyes became sad, knowing that Wanda had seen the memories she made her relive months ago. "You're not made of marble, Natasha. You're made of so much more. I like you because of that."

"You like me?" Natasha's voice cracked. She was thankful no one else was around to hear that. "Well, I don't hate you. And you don't hate me." The woman on top spoke.

Slowly and carefully, Wanda began to lean into Natasha more. "Is this okay?" Wanda asked. Natasha nodded and brought her face up until their lips softly touched one another. A quick kiss turned into another and another until the nervousness was gone, and all that remained was the lust for more. "Natasha.." Wanda began to moan as Nat's roaming hands slid down Wanda's back.

Natasha smirked. An accent never made her name sound so good.

In the far corner of the gym, Clint was retracing his steps. It had been over an hour and a half, and no one had yet come out of the room. Alive or dead. So Clint took it upon himself to make sure everything was alright.

But once he saw his two teammates tangled with one another, he decided to exit and text his wife.

"I think I'm going to have to make some upgrades to the guest bedroom on the second floor."

"lol."

dividers by @/benkeibear

[fanficfindereks]

Losers on Twitter- dick tozier ✔trashmouth sooo tonight at 5am eddie found me eating his cereal and I’m scared

Eddie Tozier ✔ EddieTozier On an unrelated note is anyone looking for a freakishly tall comedian who makes dick jokes all the time because there’s one in my living room for some reason and I’m trying to get rid of him

Beverly Marsh ✔ bevmarsh I’m really not interested but I’m curious how much would you sell him for

Eddie Tozier ✔ EddieTozier I’ll give u ten dollars if you take him

Big Bill ✔ billdenbrough thats… definitely not how selling works eddie

Archive of our own

love is the thing with wings (tweet tweet, richie)-

no · raisedbyparrots• 5 h

stuck in the window seat beside a sad tall dude who has 85 elbows somehow, thank god this is a short flight

this is interesting- he's writing a text message LOVE CONFESSION and is concentrating so hard on it that I don't think he's noticed me reading every word 👀

Love interest is named EDDIE, and he has a WIFE #planemanloveseddie

Archive of our Own

no spoilers-

twitter au if all the losers were famous

francis bacon birdman

OK WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL

ME bevmarsh IS DATING INTERNET

ICON benhanscom OR WAS I JUST

SUPPOSED TO SEE A PHOTO OF THEM

HOLDING HANDS ON TWITTER MYSELF????

     borsdom ronman

idk who is the luckier one of the pair tbh…

          beverly marsh ✔️bevmarsh

me

          ben hanscom ✔️ benhanscom

me

Archive of our Own

Proud Eddie- Richie tweets a picture of Eddie to promote his standup tour. The internet does its thing.- archive of our Own

Buzzfeed Celeb: Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak take the Relationship Test-

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kasprak take the Relationship Test Buzzfeed Celeb 5.3 Million Views                                 80K likes | 3K dislikes 4,561 Comments

Richie Tozier ("Richie Tozier: Coming Clean") and Eddie Kaspbrak stop by to put their relationship to the test and see who knows more about their partner...and to maybe casually reveal their deepest fears along the way. - Archive of our Own

[gchoate17]

I watched 47 movies in 2024 – up from 25 last year, and the most since 2021. Here they are, ranked in order. It was fun to revisit some classics with my boys, who turned 7- and 3-years-old this year. Movies denoted with an asterisk I'd seen before.

Dune – Part Two

So ethereal and beautiful and Hans Zimmer is brilliant. My only complaint is that Josh Brolin doesn’t belong in this world.

2. Meth Storm

Brilliant story, well-told, unbiased. The level of access they have to these meth users is crazy. I can’t imagine what filming this must’ve been like.

3. Oppenheimer

Worthy of the hype.

4. Star Wars*

I don’t know how to rate a movie that helped shape my childhood, man. It holds up, though.

5. Society of the Snow

Fascinating story about surviving in the Andes Mountains. FWIW, I’d eat a person in a heartbeat in that situation, so maybe don't get on a plane to the Andes with me?

6. The Exception

I’m in a WWII phase right now. I’m also in a Lily James phase. And I like stories that allow for normal, well-meaning people in the role of villains (re: Nazis). This one checked all those boxes.

7. Fury

World War II Tank Squadron’s perspective on the war. A solid ensemble cast, fighting against all odds. Ridiculous at the end, but good nonetheless.

8. Nate Bargatze: Hello World

I’d watched a few dozen clips before I watched this comedy special, and it wasn’t until my wife said something that I realized how clean the whole thing was. That level of humor without cussing is an unbelievable accomplishment.

9. Aniara

Fascinating post-apocalyptic space movie at a mesmerizing pace.

10. Black Mass*

I forgot I’d seen this until I was already well into the movie. Depp makes a solid villain, especially now that all the court shenanigans have happened in his real life.

11. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids*

All of the adult actors are fantastic in this. And the whole thing is a solid backyard adventure. Holds up.

12. Robin Hood* (Animated Classic)

This is probably my favorite classic Disney animated cartoon. Holds up.

13. Trumbo

Educated me to the number of great works of Dalton Trumbo, who I mostly only knew as the writer of Johnny Got His Gun. Politicians are (mostly) evil and self-serving.

14. The Revenant

I love a good vengeance piece. Leo is solid.

15. Hit Man

Fun/cute/ridiculous, but funny/Adria Arjona factor/bonus points for being set at my alma mater.

16. Am I Okay?

Interesting story that feels real, delivered with a sharp enough wit to keep my attention.

17. Birdman

I like this in premise more than in execution. I like any premise where a person is (basically) playing a version of himself. Michael Keaton and Edward Norton were fantastic.

18. Zone of Interest

[SPOILER ALERT, I GUESS] The choice to set the whole thing right beside a concentration camp without ever showing the concentration camp was brilliant.

19. Anthropoid

We went from introduction to being a spy to handling a major operation really quickly. And maybe that’s accurate, but it made the pacing of the movie feel insane. I needed some more character development.

20. Yesterday

Interesting concept, executed pretty well in a rom-com sense. The best part was the conversation at the picnic table. Great soundtrack – obviously. Also, it’s worth noting that I’m probably going to like any movie with Lily James in it.

21. Baby Driver

This was fun.

22. The ‘Vous

I enjoyed getting to know what goes on behind the curtain of this historic restaurant. The footage in the restaurant itself was especially well done – dark, like a culinary coal mine. There were multiple storylines, though, that didn’t seem to all tie up together. For example, when I thought the film was ending, a new storyline got introduced. While the music didn't have a recognizable sound specific to Memphis, it did have plenty of soul and could stand on its own.

23. Skin

This felt authentic.

24. Martha

I will always see Martha Stewart as she was in the late-1990s. I’ve always had a soft spot for her – and I liked reading Joan Didion’s essay about her a few years ago – but according to this documentary, there is nothing soft about Martha. She’s ruthless, but I still have mad respect for her. But she might be mentally unstable? I dunno. The photography from her youth was stunning. As was she.

25. Unfrosted

Absolutely stacked with starpower. The subtle (and not so subtle) references to real-life situations – at least as far as I’m aware – are hilarious. But it’s also a little too over the top. And frankly, I can’t stand Amy Schumer.

26. Top Gun: Maverick

Hollywood ridiculousness, but also exactly what it set out to be – adrenaline rush, nostalgia from the first one, etc. I wish Kelly McGillis would have made an appearance. I understand why they couldn’t, but it would have been satisfying to see them try. She could’ve been the – “You’re still doing this pilot thing?” self-doubt-inducing person to run into Maverick.

27. Dave Chappell: The Dreamer

It’s weird to rank stand-up. Chappell is funny, but he is more brilliant than funny these days. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

28. American Fiction

Moderately entertaining social commentary on the publishing industry.

29. Tell Them You Love Me

People are insane.

30. Juliet, Naked

This role had to have actually been written for Ethan Hawke. And I like any movie that pokes a little fun at fanatics of any kind.

31. Welcome to Me

Quirky, cute, awkward.

32. Land of Bad

Hollywood ridiculousness. They’re no way they have dudes in the middle of an operation while everyone else is watching sports. Enough adrenaline/action to keep my attention, though.

33. Return of the Jedi*

I’ve always loved this movie, but upon rewatch, this one is kind of ridiculous because it’s resting on the laurels of the franchise.

34. Spaceman

Tonally, very cool. Adam Sandler in a dramatic role is always good. But the giant spider turned me off.

35. Cyrus

Watch the trailer and you see most of the funny parts.

36. Dream Scenario

Nicholas Cage is great, but his character pisses me off.

37. The Kill Team

The whole time I was watching this, I got angry at the hoards of Americans who probably agree with (and celebrate) the villain.

38. Out of the Furnace

Lots of likeable star power, a well-established rust-belt vibe, but the story was lacking. I don’t believe people living in such poverty would be circulating in the wide circles these characters do.

39. Woman of the Hour

Dude was scary, and the movie had some intense, icky scenes, but it kind of felt like the intensity and the ickiness were more important than the narrative.

40. The Informant

The protagonist as a character was fantastic, but I found the story itself suffered because of an unreliable narrator.

41. Promising Young Woman

SPOILER ALERT – I had high hopes for this one. It would have been better had she just started killing dudes at the beginning. I thought that’s what I was tuning in for.

42. Untold: Johnny Football

It was nice to get a decent look at the guy as a person. But it wasn’t the tell-all I was hoping for. I still have lots of questions.

43. Dr. Delirium & the Edgewood Experiments

This mostly just made me sad.

44. Sword in the Stone*

There’s really just not a lot here. I remembered liking this as a kid.

45. High Life

Solid performances, but this concept didn’t get there for me. The “reproductive” element of this movie felt gratuitous.

46. Saltburn

Whuuuut?

47. Carry-On

I got duped by Jason Bateman’s presence in the trailer. This is terrible and ridiculous.

48. Mr. Magoo (1997)

I understand the filmmakers were trying to stay true to the original character, but not even Leslie Nielson can turn Mr. Magoo into a live-action success.

See previous years’ lists here: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017.

[haydenshill]

Have you ever met Hayden? If so, what happened? What were you wearing? How long ago was it?

Never have I ever met him. I have met so many famous people but never the one I want to. Some of the famous people I have met:

Siegfried and Roy were family friends so I knew them personally.

Mariah Carey was actually super nice and hilarious

Beyoncé is the biggest snob or she’s slow. I couldn’t figure out which it was

Celine Dion is very intense and makes you feel like she really is interested in what you say.

Holly Madison is very cool and we have hung out on multiple occasions.

Bobbi Billard is an old school celebrity, but she is a good friend of mine as well.

Trent Resnor is very polite and articulate but blunt

Chelsea Handler is exactly how she seems and is very quick witted.

Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and guitarist monkey are super chill and not pretentious at all. Monkey has the prettiest nicest French wife

Papa roach is super cool and used to be crazy but they’ve calmed down a lot

Blink 182 mark and Tom are awesome people and used to be wild but now they’re chill. Travis Barker is one of the rudest weasel like stuck up jerks that smells

Marilyn Manson is so tall and I was scared to death of him but he was nothing but polite and didn’t act inappropriate in any way. Kinda shocking how normal and articulate he was.

Heidi Montag is super sweet and an emotional wreck. Very sensitive what people think

Ken from the Crystal Method is my boy and throws the best house parties to this day

So does Tiesto

Steve O and wee man and Bam Margera were out of control and it’s amazing they’re still alive. I guess they’ve calmed but it’s been over a decade since I saw them

Mike Tyson is very nice and loves animals so much

Justin Timberlake is one of the shittiest worst cheater human beings and I can’t say enough bad stuff about that man

I’ve met a lot of athletes but honestly don’t care about sports so they’re not really interesting. Birdman is dope tho but not cuz bball. He’s just cool

Yelawolf was really messed up on some type of substances when I met him. Kinda sad

Kidrock is just like he seems . It’s not an act

Same for Mickey Avalon and Simon Rex. Aka dirt nasty

Paris Hilton has really big feet and she acts like an airhead

Carmen Electra is really nice and soft spoken and so tiny

Dave Navarro is also tiny but he’s the sweetest and treats everyone like he isn’t famous

Dennis Rodman is a pig

Pink and Carey Hart are super cool and have a pretty house but they argue a lot. A lot.

Nikki six from some famous band thinks he’s like the coolest person on the planet and he is not. He’s hella old rockin the look from back in the day

Mimi Hines was a family friend that just passed. She was famous a long time ago but could sing

Tony Curtis was a family friend that loved horses but also was very famous back in the day

Robin leach is super nice and can talk to anybody. Another family friend

Corey and chumlee from pawn stars are cool and have fun parties but they are straight up criminals. lol

Bunny and jelly roll are really cool people. I knew bunny before she was with jelly. She dated my dad’s lawyers son that was a junkie and overdosed. She was always very personable and I was the only one nice to her at his funeral.

I think that’s a good amount to start. There’s more. I’ve been to parties where there’s been hella famous people but never Hayden Christensen or Charlize Theron…

They are the only two people I’d like to meet but I’m not waiting in line. Has to happen naturally or I’m not meeting them. I’ve been in the same area as both of them before at different times but didn’t find out till later that they were there.

[isabeauwolf]

If your MC had thier own 5 images as their memories and story you could use for them, what would be their opening animation?

Here's Mary's

To give content: Mary loves cherry blossoms, running in her wolf form, the snow and Kai, of course. ;) Night walks are her favorite, if she's not busy.

Being in unknown territory without being able to explore makes her antsy and curious. Mapping out new routes to track down her targets faster or in case of emergencies.

She tries to include him in her nightly walks, if she can drag her workaholic husband away from his desk, slipping out the back or secret passage ways in the underground labyrinth. Of course, Chrono and Mimic know their Lady and Mistress tries to get him out more, more fresh air. Enjoy what life has to offer for his mental health and her sanity.

Overhaul grumbling and huffs, following. No matter how much be tries to deny it. He can't say no to his wife, his love.

What's your reasons and OC's memories? ;) I wanna see!

[deathsmallcaps]

Okay so in the ‘You Look Lonely’ part from Blade Runner 2049, I always thought ‘you look like a good Joe’ meant that somewhere in the hive mind Joi probably existed as, a little bit of K’s Joi (KJ) still lived and recognized him as Joe. That some corner of that AI was aware enough to love someone*.

But I found a funny parody meme earlier and I was listening to the soundtrack** and because I needed to go to bed early I of course started obsessing over something. So I looked up some videos from scenes I wanted to rewatch and so on. You know, wiki-diving and other sleep destroying activities. Eventually, I felt the need to rewatch the whole ‘You look lonely scene’ after reading the Joi article twice and seeing no acknowledgement that my interpretation of the ad’s actions representing KJ’s love.

And yeah. I rewatched it twice, and with my new/renewed lore, it seemed less and less likely that my interpretation was canon? So yeah I looked it up and most people came to the opposite, and I now think more accurate, conclusion: that Ad Joi narratively served to show Joe that he wasn’t the special one here. That all her clients (?) were Joes, and that she was merely making him happy by agreeing with his dreams of being a non-replicant, a born human.

But also I find the name Joe in this context very interesting.

Joe is similar to John, which is slang for a person (though the term is usually for men) who solicits sex from a sex worker.

Then there’s Average Joe, meaning regular guy. K wants to be regular, just human, etc. And he’s never going to get that.

Joe is close to Joi in sound and spelling. Was there a male Joi? Is K perhaps the male Joi? She exists to live similarly to a Housewife trope, being cute and making a man happy. He exists as a 50s husband, tough and providing and ultimately achieving only contentment from his “wife’s” performance of comforting and acceptable behavior? Was KJ freed from that marriage, that dynamic, when she died***? Was K freed when she died to live more authentically. And of course the ‘wife’ had to die to free the action hero lol.

I’m sad to find out canon. But I’m curious if others also interpreted K and his Joi’s relationship this way. Idk. I was the kind of kid who watched Birdman (I was 12 I think) and it didn’t even occur to me that he did not fly. Of course he flew****.

In any case, I watched Blade Runner 2049 without seeing the original ***** so I bet that affects my interpretation. I’ve read/listened to other Philip K. Dick works by now and I’m sure I’d enjoy Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. He has good stuff.

Anyway, it’s time for ME to count sheep. Yall can decide if they’re electric or not :)

Footnotes under readmore

*be it platonic and devoted or romantic, KJ certainly had me hoping (perhaps convinced? I loved the movie but never rewatched it fully because I think it was best on a big screen. And because sometimes rewatching something affects your enjoyment of it. Kind of like what happened here lmao.) that she was real and loved K.

**I love it. It’s kind of my go to for when I don’t know what to listen to and don’t feel like singing. Which covers most emotions from content to unhappy. When I’m happy I sing or occasionally listen to more joyous soundtracks, and when I’m really sad

***Now I’m thinking about the Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Marianne Faithfull. Excellent song I discovered from the Thelma and Louise movie (superb movie. You must see it)

**** It’s important to me that he flew.

***** Stepdad insisted we all go and I love the movies and didn’t really know there was a Blade Runner. I found out pretty much after the movie ended and I was excited and my stepdad was like “You know that was a sequel right?”. Anyway I will watch Blade Runner one day, but that ain’t today.

[bruhgender]

I recently watched Birdman (2014) for the first time since it came out and I have questions…. Mainly did the screenwriter actually think about how the broadway show would be if you sat down and watched it. The first act seems to be one conversation around a dinner table, and it’s hard to gauge the length of this act. Which is fine, it could be an hour or longer which is standard for a play. Then there’s an intermission. Act 2 begins with two characters in a motel room and minutes later, Riggin’s character appears. (We know that there isn’t a chunk of time at the beginning of act 2 where Riggin is not on stage because of the scene with his ex wife in the dressing room - the end of intermission is announced and riggin is immediately called to the stage) Riggin does a spiel and then shoots himself, and the play is over. My question is WHY was there an intermission. I mean other than the fact that the writers wanted to include Riggin running through Times Square in his underwear during intermission - but they could’ve just inserted a scene where Riggin is absent long enough for him to take a smoke break and then have to scamper around to the front entrance. If I went to a play and they had us all get up and then go back to our seats just to keep going for five more minutes I would be pissed.

Also I’m still not clear on how ed Norton and Emma stone could’ve had sex in the rafters while a preview of the play was in session if ed Norton was supposed to be on stage at the time.

[howardhawkshollywoodannex]

Naomi Watts and Edward Norton are husband and wife in The Painted Veil (2006). This is Naomi's second honorable mention, after St Vincent. She has three entries among my best 1001 - King Kong, Mulholland Drive, and Birdman.

[hawnks]

I talked to Kass outside Rito Village because I wanted to see if he would mention anything about his home and he said he was homesick and he missed his wife and children but he can’t return until he finishes his quest and I looked it up because I was like does he get to go home eventually and it turns out if you complete all his quests he goes back home so I started methodically trying to complete them so he could reunited with his four daughters and I realized last time I spoke to them they were all sad and saying they missed their giant bird father but his quests are so stupidly complicated and take so much time and he was not making anything any easier with his stupid riddles and the entire time I was like seething because I’m just trying to help him and it’s taking eight hours and every time I left my switch to go do real life stuff all I could think about was the guilt of holding this birdman hostage because he was apparently waiting on me and I was collecting mushrooms and falling off of mountains