#bird dad teba

[moonteaa]

I have held out as long as I could. What Teba thoughts are currently swirling around?

OH MY GOODNESS! Finally got around to checking my silly inbox! My apologies!! I presume we’d like some more Dad Teba headcanons perhaps? hehe let me see here..

1. Teba gifted both Link and Zelda a hand crafted Rito headdress! Each headdress has each of their feathers (Teba, Tulin, and Saki) and next to the feathers (for Zelda) is a silent princess and (for Link) a blue nightshade to represent their place in their little Rito family! Hehe

2. Teba Knows Zelda’s favorite treat is fruit cake, always knows to bring her some when they see one another.

3. If any one in the group for some reason can’t sleep, or are struggling with nightmares and such, Teba is willing to stay up and whether they want to talk or just sit and be with each other’s company, then he’ll do just that.

4. I feel like Teba has very keen eyes for details and keeps in mind what everyone enjoys, dislikes, and needs.

5. Everyone likes to cuddle up against Teba, especially if they’re traveling in colder regions!

6. Teba is both impressed and bewildered when he sees Link eating rocks for the first time. There are many things about Link that impresses Teba, and eating rocks? Definitely up there.

7. Teba deeply respects Link, Zelda, and the sages but finds it difficult in his heart to accept the fact that kids are the ones holding the entire kingdom on their shoulders. It’s both admirable but heartbreaking.

8. Was so proud of Tulin when he became a sage but so worried. (Even if we don’t see it, I can imagine Teba feeling overcome with emotion when he gifts Tulin the Great Eagle Bow. His boy is growing up aksjs)

9. Zelda once gave him a silent princess flower and he safely keeps it wrapped around the belt of his armor.

10. Basically anything the others give him, it can be a tiny little trinket or something that held memories, Teba keeps it safe and at his home (or the flight range)

11. I like to think Teba has pictures around of both his family and his found family heh

12. Zelda likes taking the most silliest pictures of him with the Shiekah Slate/Purah pad

13. I think..when Teba sleeps he sometimes lets out little chirps ;-;

14. Teba really wants both Link and Zelda to rest.

(Often finds Zelda sleeping after working all night and tucks her into bed. Smh. She’s also fallen asleep on Teba many times.)

15. Teba struggled to get Zelda to open up about what was going on in her mind, eventually, they had a deep heart to heart and she opened up about her fears, traumas, and heavy burdens and weight she must carry alone and many tears were shed but with tears comes big and warm feathery hugs. He understands that she went through pain that no one her age should go through.

16. In fact..I imagine he’s had a heart to heart with all of his companions, he’s a very good listener and a friend and father figure to all.

17. Would not hesitate to die protecting the ones he cares for

18. Teba I believe is a Rito warrior who fights not just out of duty but out of love. Love for his home, his family, (blood related or not) friends. Overall, I think Teba is a warrior with a very golden heart which is why he was chosen to be Elder.

19. When he’s Elder however, he misses his companions, or as he likes to call them, his “kiddos”

20. Gets really happy when Link and Zelda visit (they visit their little Rito family very often.) Link and Zelda have their own little hammock for when they visit and stay the night!

21. Sometimes when Link and Tulin are off playing and being the best brothers, Zelda likes to sit with Teba and just talk.

22. Teba likely felt frustrated not being able to help search for Link and Zelda when they went missing after the upheval

23. Relief + Concern was felt when Link came back safely but ..WITH A NEW ARM??

24. Very happy to know link was safe but I can imagine not all was well knowing Zelda was still missing. The family wasn’t complete, you know? Agh!

25. When the Light Dragon (Zelda) flies by the regions of her companions (Sidon, Teba, Tulin, Riju, Yunobo) they all can feel Zelda’s presence but don’t understand why (yet)

25. Teba wouldn’t have fallen for Puppet Zelda, I think he would have been able to easily see through the disguise. That’s a dad’s intuition!

26. Yeah, Teba finding out about Zelda’s fate and becoming the light Dragon? He wasn’t okay. Not at all. Silent tears were shed. It was the closest experience to Teba “losing” a child and he never really recovered from that.

27. Teba once promised Zelda he would take her flying.

28. He did. When he flew beside the Light dragon and when he did he says with a bitter chuckle,

“This wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.”

IM SORRY.

29. Trust me, they had a very happy family reunion. Had a difficult time letting either Link, Zelda and Tulin out of his sight and became slightly anxious.

30. Cannot comprehend what Zelda went through and the sacrifice she made. Deeply admires her but his heart aches for her too.

31. (HAPPY ZELINK ONE I SWEAR) Teba is the one to walk Zelda down the aisle when she marries Link. 🤍

Hope you enjoyed these!! Ah! If you ever want more well..I’m always here! I love found family so much! Hehe 😭

[hobartsaglet]

legend of zelda: breath of the wild except the only thing that changes is that Teba gets to look into the camera like he's on the office every time Link does something stupid

[linzerj]

Just getting this idea out there so that maybe I'll actually finish writing it one day, but -

I've been on a Legend of Zelda kick recently. Currently replaying BOTW. Never played AOC but I've watched gameplay and all the cutscenes so I know what happens. Planning to play that and TOTK again soon. But I've got this idea cooking in my head.

Theres a post that talks about "what if you could find the Divine Beasts in the Depths", and another funny post that was just "what if Teba was the sage of Wind and not Tulin?" And I remembered when BOTW had just come out, and then AOC after, and people were speculating about the characters, like Teba, being the New Champions and getting to bond to the Divine Beasts.

That didn't happen in canon, but. Hear me out. What if even just one of the Divine Beasts bonded with a New Champion... like say, the one who doesn't become a Sage?

Teba, Sidon, Riju, and Yunobo return from their adventure in the past/alternate timeline/whatever, having saved those Champions and that Hyrule from destruction. Their own timeline is still the same, but they continue on as they do in canon.

Except they all meet up shortly after returning home, and one of them (Sidon or Riju maybe) asks "hey did anyone else try going to the Divine Beasts only to get rejected" and while the rest are like "yup wonder what that's about, sad" Teba is like "no wtf are you all talking about I was settling back in with my wife and kid."

But something about it sticks with Teba. He goes home, looks up at Vah Medoh, and thinks, 'it probably won't work but I may as well try just to confirm.'

...Vah Medoh accepts him as its new pilot.

I'm unsure as to whether or not Revali's spirit will still be there for a quick hello - but if he is, he'd be like "whomst?!" And Teba would be like "if you were still alive I'd definitely adopt you because thanks to some time travel shenanigans i know that you desperately needed a parental figure in your life".

Mostly everything else proceeds as is canon up to the start of TOTK - except for the other Divine Beasts continuing to chill at their resting places, because upon hearing about Teba successfully bonding with Medoh, the others want to keep trying.

But, for whatever reason, Hylia decided that you cannot be both a Sage and a Divine Beast pilot, so the Beasts acknowledge them but never quite accept them as their pilots.

Then, TOTK. Then the chasms. Then, the other 3 Divine Beasts taking a plunge into the Depths.

Teba freaks out a little bit, but Medoh is circling Rito Village and is fine, except now there's these random floating islands but also a fuckass blizzard that's making it almost impossible to keep everyone fed, and Teba's just been saddled with Elder status so he's super in charge and Tulin is in a bit of a "I can do anything let me prove it let's go" phase and is trying to convince Teba to use Vah Medoh to fly up and stop the blizzard, but Teba is way too busy trying to keep the village from falling apart to go right now -

Then Link shows up, and Tulin runs off, and Link follows him, and the two go up and find the Stormwind Ark and fight Colgera and as the magical blizzard finally ends, Teba is just like "what the fuck".

Tulin tells him he's become a Sage, and isn't that cool dad?! And Teba is like "you're 12 and you're going to help fight a demon king?!?! Wtf?!"

But then at some point, Tulin (who knows the other Sages from that time he was in AOC, and meeting them a few times with his dad after) one day looks up from his breakfast and says "oh hey Sidon just became the Sage of Water! I saw it through my connection with Link!" And that's when it clicks into place for Teba why the Beasts never quite accepted the other "New Champions" - because they were destined for something else.

But Vah Medoh is still here. And it's pissed that it's fellow Beasts are gone and it also wants to blast Ganondorf in the face.

Unfortunately, Teba can't let it blast the castle when Link and co go to confront the Zelda illusion, because Tulin is there, Link is there, Sidon and Riju and Yunobo are there, and it's not the real demon king yet anyway.

Teba is grumpy about it, about letting Tulin go off and risk his life when he's a child and Teba is an adult, but then a huge dark dragon explodes out from the chasm below the castle and Vah Medoh is all too happy to fire upon it, knowing it's Ganondorf and wanting some sweet revenge of its own.

Teba's just surprised he can see the dark dragon, it's huge but he'd heard tales of only the young, or those chosen by thr goddesses, could see dragons. Maybe it's because of Vah Medoh that he can see this one, and the little light dragon that comes in and - hey is that Link?!

Maybe it ends with Teba going down to the Depths with Link to visit the other Divine Beasts, and suggesting that the locations stay known so that future generations may try to awaken them. They don't really need the Beasts anymore since both Calamity Ganon and Ganondorf have been defeated, but Medoh doesn't want to turn off and is happy just chilling at Rito Village with Teba. The end.

I have like 2.5k of this already written, I just wanted to use this post to write more of the ideas for the fic structure before I go to bed lol. And this idea probably doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense canon-wise, but it doesn't need to because the only reason this exists is because i love Teba and wish he'd gotten more screntime (or at least some spoken dialogue in the cutscenes!) in TOTK.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

i did not expect tulin content but i am HERE FOR THE TULIN CONTENT

[rito-luvr]

HES SO FUCKING HOT GAHHHHH

[ceceformayor]

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

I miss Teba :(

[iiryebreadii]

listen im all for little grown up tulin helping us out in totk but wHERE IS TEBA. IF TEBA IS DEAD IM COMING FOR NINTENDO'S THROAT.

[moonteaa]

When you meet the legendary princess of Hyrule who kept Calamity Ganon away for 100 years and realize she’s just a little bird. Hehe I offer wholesome dad! Teba doodles with Zelda.

Personal HC: her nickname “little bird” lives on through Teba. 🍃 🤍🪶

[muchmossymess]

A Revali Fanfic Recommendation

I urge you all to put your life on hold for a moment and go read this brilliant fanfiction:

A hundred years after the fall of Hyrule to Calamity Ganon, and the hero Link has finally sealed the darkness and freed the Divine Beasts of their curse - and with it, their pilots are finally free. But not just as spirits. Awake once again, the four Champions of old have a second chance at life and must re-adjust to this future world with their decendants. Well - all except for one Champion, who doesn't have a decentant. Or even anyone left alive that knew him. Teba is happy to take in his revived ancient idol as one of his own, but sharing a living space with a hundred year old Champion with an ego the size of his divine beast and who might have some issues he's not willing to share can be a lot sometimes and they don't always see eye to eye. Revali thinks he should return to leading the new generation of Rito warriors. Teba thinks this actual child should never have been leading warriors or fighting a war in the first place. Tulin is just excited to have the infamous Rito Champion in his house.

Beautifully written and lovingly crafted, this baby can fit so much trauma and whump into the most gut-wrenching and heat-breakingly found family story you may ever read. 130,000 words, 36 chapters (and still regularly updating!), and a CRIMINALLY low number of kudos. If that doesn't sway you, here is some gushing under the cut <3

You think you've read a champions revival fic before? This will have you saying "how the FUCK have I not seen this before" and completely change the way you view everything (mild exaggeration. m i l d). We have all of your favourite revali tropes: being a dick and getting owned, being a dick and being right, getting own and never showing those feelings to the light of day, getting killed, getting unkilled and loved, showing emotions but being super weird and revali about it, bonding with tulin!!, bonding with teba and the rest of rito village, bonding with the champions, having panic attacks and trauma, vah medoh being the best ever, being a terrifying force of nature, being an idiot kid, and so much more!

Do you like grumpy dad teba? Do you like revali swallowing his pride? Do you like revali immediately spitting his pride back up and being a bitchy bird? Do you like mipha and revali as gossip buddies? Do you like the complete and utter fool revali makes of himself everytime he so much as hears the name link? Do you like people seeing right through his facade and calling him out on it?

AND NOT TO MENTION THE WORLD BUILDING??? this fic is so in depth of the political climates, racism, lore, changes in culture during times of war, colonisation, biology of the races and just fucking everything?? It adds so much life to the world of hyrule I am genuinely shocked at how much this person clearly loves these games (botw/totk/aoc) and they are able to incorporate all of this amazing information in a way that flows so naturally and just hhrnngngg I am fucking insane about it. THE SCIENCE, oh my god how did I forget all the wonderous thoughts surrounding the divine beasts and the sheikah tech, oh god and how they write the magic system? Guys I swear it's so good.

Characterisation is on point, everyone feels so full of life and that they are reacting exactly how you would expect them too, and they just seem so real, like they are right beside you as you're reading. The author does an IMMACULATE job of drawing you in and making you feel a part of the story, all the while being just beautifully written?

Don't get me started on the attention to rito culture. I have never seen someone pour so much love into something before, genuinely on of the greatest things I've seen. I've always had a fascination over how the races of hyrule view each other, similarities and differences, how their cultures and histories intertwine, and conflicts that may arise. But oh. my. god. My jaw was on the floor every time, it's so rich and beautiful but not without the horrors (and oh god, they are Horrors tm) and again it's just so real!!!

Be warned, however, that there is gore and viscera and terror and hurt and war crimes and death (duh), but for each terrible thing to happen it is repaid tenfold in love and kindness somewhere down the line. (Unless you are into hurt no comfort, then sorry buddy!) It is a beautiful narrative and the exploration of trauma and self is mind boggling and just go read it!!! 😭 😭 😭 I just love this fic so much, it has instantly sky-rocketed to one of my top 3 favourite fics I've ever read, and I'm so grateful to have found it and now be along for the ride that if I could bring that to one more person then by god I will fucking do it

[video-game-birds-tournament]

Round 3 - Side A - Match Up 1

Propaganda:

Teba

Bird dad. He's just a guy, no powers or anything, and he just shows up to help Link and be cool. I know there's other Legend of Zelda guys in here but he is the most Dad of them all.

Wave the Swallow

Jerk birds in video games are common, but Wave is the rare GIRL jerk Bird! Support women's wrongs

(With Jet and Storm, on if iconic or not) (I'd say yes. At least in the Riders trilogy. They're Team Sonic's main foils in those games (aside from Eggman, of course).)

(With Jet and Storm) Since most of the birds we have on this list are arrogant peacocks (pun intended), here's a whole trio of them! But at least these three have the abilities to back up their preening.

she blew up a 15 year old after her 14 year old boss told her not to. also, in the sequel game, she gets concussed and then immediately chooses to hop on her flying skateboard and zoom right into a black hole. oh and in sonic birds are canonically alien-genies

[eevee-91]

Honestly, I watched a video on youtube, I forgot who it was I think it was hyrule gamer who put it in perspective that Revali had it the worst between the champions when the blights came. He had an extreme disadvantage as Rito can't see in the night and that's when they attacked. He couldn't quite see Windblight well enough, which is why his SOS signal was so frantic. Like Penn is funny, but Kass.....well Kass plays music and he's so jolly. Also I really like Harth. Where is he in TOTK lol I haven't been able to find him.

This started off as a all for one blog but....

Watch it only become teba and rito alike.

[nerdy-toast]

“Revali would hate kids” stfu, Dadvali be upon ye.

He literally doesnt hate kids if yall read his diary or see how he treats Tulin in AoC, shut up.

Anyway, making a future au for him and Mel, this is their daughter, Aria!

Revali is her biological dad, but Mel isnt the mom (cuz she isnt a Rito) think of like a surrogate egg?? But i was sad Revali didnt have any descendants (especially tied to the Sage) so when him and Mel want ti start a family, a Rito woman (another character im gonna have to make) helps and she is a Sage descendant, so when Aria hatches she is also a Sage descendant but also Revali’s blood kid, she later becomes the ancestor for Teba and Tulin. Still working on everything but :(( it sucks Revali “was just some bird who was good with a bow and made his gale” with no one left alive related to him.

(This follows the AoC timeline but still)

[blueskybehindtheclouds]

I NEED more fics where Link remembers stuff from his previous lives, like maybe subconsciously and slowly remembering more and more and maybe some angst as a treat (or a lot)

And also i need more Bird Dad Teba, and give me some fics with Kass because they took him away from me in totk and i am still GRIEVING😭

So i will thank anyone in advance for fics or fic recommendations lol,

Also, THIS FIC!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27764542

I absolutely love it, it has BOTH Link remembering his past lives AND Bird Dad Teba, need i even say more

and it has some of my favorite lines, like absolutely gut wrenching and just

"Link could feel his body shaking as he made his way over to the Great Deku Tree (his father)"

"It's something much older, far older than he has any right to understand but some far off part of him does"

"Fi (when did he remember her name? When did he forget it)"

"-can feel the impulse to pull out an ocarina and begin playing along. But he doesn't know how to play an ocarina, he's never even held one."

"I have always lived for others. I want to die for myself."

All of you need to go read this right now i swear, or i will put rocks in your shoes!! and remember to give lots of kudos!!

[rito-luvr]

What type of bird I think Teba is (an analysis)

Before we start, I would like to mention the art book “Creating a Champion”. On Teba’s page, at the bottom, it mentions how he was based on a hawk. However, they aren’t very specific as to what type of hawk— because there is so many types. So this lead me to wondering what type he was based on. I did a bit of research on the species and I found one that I am certainly convinced he might be.

There is a type of hawk called the “Black and White eagle-hawk”. Unfortunately, not much is known about this species and it’s behavior because it is so rare, so I didn’t get a ton of information. But I did take a good look at it’s pattern, color, and a few other things and I am almost certain this is what they based Teba off of.

Here’s what it looks like:

There is so much similarity to him and this type.

For starters, It’s yellow and black hooked beak, it’s black back and wings but mostly white color, it’s grey-ish black striped tail feathers, and even it’s eyes. Now I know Teba doesn’t have black eye patches EXACTLY like that, but he does have the grey-ish marks around his eyes. It all makes so much sense.

Oh and here’s Teba’s page from the art book for scale.

Now as far as behavior goes, like I said, little is known about this species of hawk, so I couldn’t find anything.

There are a few things about this bird that are very different from Teba, but I think that is to be expected, as the Rito aren’t supposed to be LITERAL birds. And this is fiction, after all. The big thing that’s different about this species, is that they are mostly found in forests and humid or hot environments, unlike Teba— or the Rito in general.

But as far as everything else goes, this bird is very similar to Teba. I do truly wish that there was more information on their behavior, but there isn’t sadly. There is one last thing I want to talk about briefly before I end this.

When this species of hawk is in it’s juvenile age, the parts where it is typically black, can appear more brown-ish grey. Of course, it darkens over time though. This would explain why Tulin, Teba’s son, appears more brown-ish grey on his wings and back, instead of black, like his father.

And here is Tulin in the art book for scale:

Notice how the color on top of his wings is a little lighter than Teba’s? That’s because of his juvenile state. I was always curious about that anyway, why he was a lighter color than Teba, I mean. This clears that up. Not sure if anyone even cares about that but I think it’s a neat detail anyway.

So, there is my analysis on Teba and what species of hawk I think he is. This is all so fascinating to me and it’s so fun learning more about his character— and simply the Rito in general. I’ve always loved birds and had an odd amusement to them, hence, my love for the Rito.

I’m not sure if this will even be seen by many or not, but even if it isn’t, it was a fun post to make and I had fun doing the little bit of research that I did.

Hope you guys enjoyed this :3

[someuncreativity]

Fuck it here’s part two of

My Ranking of How Quickly I’d Let These Fictional Men Rearrange My Organs

Still BotW/TotK edition because look at these men

You get the point, it’s gonna be hella NSFW because read the title

Oh but also this time I’m formatting the prompts like Stanzi Potenza’s “Animated Men I Would Sell My Body To At a Discount Price, The Discount Being Free Because I Would Never Make These Fine Gentlemen Pay For a Whore Like Me” series on YouTube

Cuz why not

But also this is just me thirsting after the most atrocious and/or attractive men in the Zelda universe

6. Master Kogha

This man may not be a fine dining experience, but he’s definitely worth your time for a banana or two.

A solid six-out-of-ten, the only thing that rivals your hatred for his superhero alter ego is his dad bod that puts furry artists on Twitter to shame.

They say that everything’s better with friends, and this man has a couple that would sweeten the deal, and as it happens, red spandex is absolutely up my alley.

A dork playing glorified dress-up doesn’t sound fun until his devotion to a demon king threatens an entire nation, and I am 100% here for it.

5. Revali

Fun fact, my favorite bird to eat is chicken, partially because I’m basic, but also because I could see myself sinking my canines into that cock.

His aim is im-peck-able, pun intended and unashamed, and he’s certain to get a bullseye into my heart.

I know he’s an egomaniac, but in the deep, dark, crevices of my mind, I know he’s mentally ruined. It’s the lifelong trauma and the “I can fix him” for me.

I love Rito clothing, especially since this man’s version of is the sluttiest thing on earth. After looking at him, I’m certain I’m not getting cold anytime soon.

He could treat me like the scum of the earth and I’d still be on all fours polishing his arrow free of charge. He’s like if a Disney prince realized he was a Disney prince.

4. Daruk

The only Goron I’d let pound me like a quarry, this man has warmed my heart like the fiery maw of his hometown’s tourist trap.

I could write a fifty-page essay about how this man’s kindness makes My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic look like more of a joke than it already is.

I know what I’ve said about Gorons literally crushing me to death, but as long as his words of encouragement are the last thing I hear as he erupts inside of me like Death Mountain, that’s all that really matters.

That loincloth isn’t doing much in the way of covering up his Boulder Breaker, and for that, I thank the weak fabric for its service to our nation. On the plus side, it’s white, so if he ever walks in the rain, that cloth’s purpose in life will have been fulfilled.

The fact that he has a grandson makes him not just a DILF but a GILF. In my opinion, fathers age like wine, so this is a win-win for me.

Combined with his white beard which resembles a mane more than facial hair, he’s like Santa if Santa was somehow both more and less cuddly at the same time.

And I know he’s afraid of dogs, but personally, that’s fine. I’m more of a cat person anyway.

3. Teba

Take everything I said about Revali and multiply it by the “white hair equals sexy” principle, and you have the new Rito chief.

I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone edgier than the spirit inside of the Master Sword, but here we are.

It is taking every ounce of my soul not to say “I can fix him” because clearly, I can’t and he doesn’t want me to.

. I would let him cry his heart out after nearly losing everything near and dear to him. There’s no shame, sweetie.

His wings are long, and I know of a few things that are longer. Given that he has procreated, it’s clear that the hot springs aren’t the only things that’ll be hot and steamy after a night with him.

Speaking of which, he’s a loving parent and a loving husband, which makes him a DILF, and let me tell you, the second that word becomes an adjective, the snow isn’t the only white thing covering the Hebra mountains.

If he could fly me into the skies, I would watch the sunset with him in silence as we realized the real magic was inside us all along or something like that. Whatever makes him happy, and yes, if he asks for it, that includes me swallowing a few of his bird eggs.

2. Tauro

Finally, a himbo the people can rely on.

We love seeing strong, partially-head-empty men being strong, partially-head-empty men.

Only I’m pretty sure this himbo is actually smart.

Idk I haven’t played enough or focused enough in Kakariko to find out lol

This man is investigating the ring ruins but he forgot about the ring he he to put on my finger.

He is giving “I’m going to save the world” and we love that. If you don’t, I see why- I did just say I liked villains- but I’m a double-sided coin.

Speaking of coins, flip one: head or tails? Which part of me is going to need to be replaced by Rauru? I don’t know, and quite frankly, I don’t care.

I personally have some depths for him to explore, and let me tell you, it’s gonna be the cave feeling his gloom infiltrate every orifice instead, and the cave will thank him.

His hair is giving the Hot Topic version of Melanie Martinez, and let me tell you, if I wasn’t a Crybaby, this man would have turned me.

I just love that every single Hylian around is taller than Link. I also love, however, that this man also towers over them too. Honestly, that makes things even better for me personally.

As long as Miss Papaya over there doesn’t realize that Link isn’t half the hero her grandma made him out to be, we won’t have problems. No worries here, chief, just doing some Zonai excavating.

1. King Dorephan

It’s known that this man singlehandedly defeated a Guardian, but judging by his measurements, all of which make the Empire State Building look like a stack of building blocks, it’s not hard to see how.

The leader of the Zora, this man is guaranteed to make any traveler feel right at home- hopefully, between the two logs he calls legs and the other two which he uses for other less savory deeds.

Not that I would mind, he could stretch my throat out to a time when the community will stop complaining about how the company keeps retconning the story with one and turn me into a make seahorse during conception with the other and I’d still have room. I have no shame.

If his son is a ten, he would have still been a ten before inflation.

You have to love a rich man with anatomically-correct shark organs. Jaws was really just my wake-up call after all, but not really because I like my men to talk dirty.

All I ask for in life is for this DILF to stretch me like taffy and squash me like a grape. Once that is achieved, I don’t care what Ganon does to Hyrule- I found my own sacred realm, thank you very much.