#bill makes friends through video call via book

[lightningchu-the-mega-raichu]

I made art for an AU my brother and I made (which is an offshoot of another AU my brother made.

Basically Bill dies a bit earlier (Stanford kills him in the Nightmare dimension sometime while he's stuck in the portal) and so while he's in Theraprism he still makes his Book and it ends up in Gravity Falls. And Mabel stumbles upon it! He communicates with her through the book and they become friends. And Dipper too. He's a little wary of Bill at first though.

This is not Mabill btw. Wanna clarify that

More under cut

Bill lets them in on what Stan is doing with the portal (he doesnt tell them why he's rebuilding the portal though) and he gets her to mess with it and basically change the coordinates to Theraprism.

AND THEN it works and he comes through!!

They do get Ford back actually. I can't remember how haha. I think Bill did it (somehow??) He wanted to gloat about how he won or something. But his powers are limited (because of dying) so he actually didn't win lol

Basically he can still do all sorts of stuff, but he can't do anything too big and he can't make anything permanent.

BUT ANYWAY Ford cautions Mabel because yeah that's friccin Bill Cipher.

And then she gets all saddy bc omg Bill's a Manipulator and a Liar and he WAS USING HER?? but. Bill has emotions and he did get attached to her (as well he did Ford BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT)

That's all the art I made for the au

But yeah. Bc his powers are limited and bc Mabel and Dipper are attached to him, Ford can't really do anything. And Bill hangs around as a fun weird third uncle.

Probably the rest of the story would be Bill trying to find a way to get his powers fully restored but he gains ✨️feelings✨️ along the way. And he and Ford would superrrrr slowlllyyy make up. And then he truly does become a fun weird third uncle.

Also the Axolotl probably comes because Bill friccin escaped Theraprism but he ends up leaving Bill there because he can see Bill has changed!

He's very sad when Mabel and Dipper leave. But he's got Ford and Stan!

Anyway yeah I might make more of this idk. Don't tell me this is unrealistic, let me be delusional.

REBLOGS > LIKES

(IF YOU TAG THIS AS MABILL SHIP I WILL BUST YOUR KNEE CAPS)

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV quick rundown - 100 - Toast

I'm not lying when I say this episode contains almost if not every single character we've been introduced to thus far.

More rundowns here!

I know many of you have a few things you’d like to say. So let me start things off. Welcome to Night Vale.

This episode's focus is on Cecil and Carlos' wedding, or at least the after ceremony toast section.

The first person to speak is Leonard Burton, ex radio host, ex Cecil's boss and very confused as to why he's 'suddenly' there and apparently making a toast. He has no idea why he's there, but comments that Cecil looks like he hasn't aged a day since he started to work for Leonard.

The FOW also gives a toast, though she mostly talks about herself. She is covered in blood and is able to drink despite not having a mouth. She is allergic to mice, so recommends that people eat them themselves if they want to keep infestations at bay.

Diane's speech is very quick because Josh has a dance recital and grew several extra legs just for the occasion.

John Peters (you know, the farmer?) comments that he believes the whole world is just a manifestation of his inability to believe that nothing actually exists but congrats anyway.

Deb plugs Ritz Crackers in her toast.

Michelle and Maureen give a speech together. Michelle says she guesses that being happy is popular and isn't that upset that she's also happy and therefore like everyone else. She also says she went to a Katy Perry concert where Katy peeled off her own skin, plucked out her heart and batted it towards her backup dancers. Maureen says she's not angry any more and she once tried to be happy when she was 13 but gave up when she noticed everyone was copying her.

Maggie and Donald Penebaker give an almost normal toast except it's still phone like and ends with reminding everyone to pay their electric bills.

Kevin and Lauren also do a toast together, via videolink. Lauren says she wandered dry-lipped and starving through an endless looping desert until finally coming upon Desert Bluffs Too where it was explained to her that Strex is no longer in charge, Kevin is. Kevin mentions how he's been told that they'll all attack him if he tries to come back to NV and that as welcoming as that sounds he's far too busy. He's also obviously gleeful about Lauren's misfortune and new status under him. They then 'smile' which causes mass panic and a cry to turn the video off.

Melony says she's fixed Computer, who prints out a picture of a gift wrapped box. Earl says he made the cake and was happy to do so. Melony says she has no idea who he is, even though he's sitting next to her and Earl says they've been friends for years and came to the wedding together. Given that Melony forgets Cecil whilst talking to him, it's likely Earl is right.

During Tamika's speech we hear Basimah calling out admiringly. Tamika reads a book passage.

Dana and Pamela make a speech together, with Pamela being her usual self and Dana translating it into a 'congratulations'.

They then 'move' because of the weather: "Second Song" by Joseph Fink.

Old Woman Josie tells us that Cecil wasn't good at bowling when he joined their team, but he was so friendly and entertaining that they let him stay and he soon got better at it. She also reveals that the Hall of Public Records has a list of everyone's death dates.

Steve's toast is more like a tradiational toast. He says he loves Cecil and Carlos both and is very happy for them.

Carlos talks about how he finds it hard to talk about his feelings because they're not logical facts, which he understands better. He mentions how he had throat surgery and that's why he sounds different now but his feelings are the same. He says he's glad he made that call for personal reasons.

Cecil sings Carlos' praises and says that everything is better now Carlos is there. He also says that Carlos' love of science is inspiring and also deeply erotic.

Stay tuned next for a drunk, newly married couple, long after all the well-wishers have left, piling up bags of garbage and stacking chairs in a rented banquet hall because they want to get their deposit back.

And good night, Night Vale, and every person who can hear my voice. Good night.

Proverb: "It's always darkest before the dawn, we are often reassured by people who are totally wrong about how the sun works."

[ask-healthy-light]

The final scheduled event for Sunday, outside of the closing ceremonies at the tail end of the day, was the charity auction, where items that people have sent in are sold to the highest bidder in the Hall; a few weeks before GalaCon started, I had asked about the possibility of submitting a written story commission, but in the email I received in return, I found my offer was politely turned down.

It took a little while before everybody in and around the venue made it to the Mane Hall, including the host, Perry, so my friend and I found some seats close to stage, right in front of more friends we knew from back home, who showed us their little plushies; and they told us about the vendor, and that they were right outside the doors, so we asked them to watch our stuff, while we headed there.

Fortunately, there were many plushies still available, and the line in front of their table was but a few people, so we returned mere moments before the host stepped onto the stage; and they told the crowd that the charity for which the Con was raising money was Make-A-Wish Germany, whereafter they played a short introductory video, showing a few unforgettable experiences they had given children.

Although I had no more physical bills in my wallet, I was relieved to find that we were able to pay by digital transfer via PayPal, so if there was something I wanted to bid on, unless the price went too high, I did not need to worry whether I was able to pay; so, when the first item, a massive set of drawings by Lightning Blitz, was shown, I was the first person who bid on this great collection.

After a little while of going back and forth between myself and (a guy in cosplay of) Saul Goodman, I was the ultimate winner of the set of drawings, and after transferring €225 to the PayPal account of the Make-A-Wish foundation, I took some time to look through everything; and I realised that the set had multiple duplicates of art, save for a few unique pieces, which I knew I would keep myself.

The frequent loud applause, combined with countless voices shouting out swiftly climbing amounts of money, made the entire auction very chaotic, as it had apparently almost always been; this was made especially clear a couple of items down the line, when a hand-crafted, engraved, wooden box, shaped like Twilight's Friendship Journal, was revealed, and Perry decided to drink some water from a cup.

Before long, the true chaos of the event started to become clear, as a few scattered people started to call out to Perry to sign the cup, followed by increasingly more people, until there was nothing they could do but sign the cup, which was the first sign of the chaos to come; for not only was the engraved book-chest sold for over €800, but people also started to bid on the signed cardboard cup.

Throughout the event, though there were plenty of items on the table to make it all the way through the planned time, there were a couple of unplanned items on which people also started bidding, such as Perry's hat; and as the crowd started chanting, Perry and all the special guests signed the hat, with Ana Sani, Izzy's voice actress, adding a note to sell the table next to her signature as well.

With a couple of massive and incredibly generous prices, such as €2.000 for a custom plushie of the event mascot Canni, €1.500 for the event banner designed by CypherWave, and €2.500 for Perry's hat, as well as a contribution fro, the Pony Events Foundation, the final price was revealed at the end; and the event had raised €21.000 in total, and stunned the Make-A-Wish representative into silence.

Unfortunately, all good things had to come to an end, and as there was nothing more to sign or sell for the auction, as even the marker pen that was used had been signed and sold, the only event that remained was the closing ceremonies; and although there was a great sadness in everybody as GalaCon came to a close, it was flipped on its head when Deus confirmed GalaCon would return again in 2024!

Though GalaCon was over, there was still a lot to do, and there is still a lot to talk about…

(Thanks for reading this bonus! I'll be writing more about GalaCon over the next few days, so keep an eye out if you're interested!)

Part 6/8

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

[isay]

A digital Feb-fast

So here’s the thing, I’m thinking of giving up the internet. Not forever, that would be impossible unless I became a hermit in the Hebrides or something, but I’ve been thinking about seeing if I can give up the internet (or as much as possible of it) for February.

Now quite what this means for day to day life is what I’m thinking about at the moment because the internet and being connected is just so all pervasive that working out what you can realistically give up isn’t as easy as going “I won’t use the internet”.

I’ll have to use it for work, I need my emails and (eye roll) Microsoft Teams. I’ll need my email for things like bills and bill reminders and banking, and of course we have a tv that is connected to the internet for streaming but we don’t actually have an aerial for terrestrial tv. My workouts are streamed from Peloton, I listen to the BBC via an app on my phone, I’d get lost going to the supermarket if it wasn’t for Google Maps, and by and large the way that the Girl Child and I communicate is using Duo for video calls. Oh and I’m doing a course, which of course is via the internet. Gah.

But…I can forego the news, social media and the endless scroll. I can avoid Amazon. And I think that what this might do is to not make me more productive per se, but it might make me feel a little more in control of my life and like I am using technology on my terms.

So on February 1st I’m going to try and restrict my internet to the bare essentials for the duration of the month. I'll be connected for work and I’ll check my email for bills and do the banking. I may do some Peloton classes but that’s in an app so I’m going to allow it (and if I’m going to meditate it will have to be on my own rather than a guided class), and I’ll put the Fitbit in the drawer and wear some of my mechanical watches in an attempt to see if my FOMO about not knowing how much I slept or moved can be conquered. 

The purpose of all this is largely to see if my quality of life improves, but it’s also an opportunity to see how deep our everyday use of the ‘net goes. I don’t consider myself to be a heavy internet user but like most people, a huge proportion of my waking day is spent connected in some way or other. Yes it may mean missing out on the lives of my friends who live inside the matrix for a month, but my hope is that it will mean I connect a little more closely with those physically around me. Might it mean I read a book for once? Or listen to an album all the way through? Or be a bit happier because my consumption of the news is less? Well I’ll have 28 days to find out.

One more thing. I’m thinking I will document this. Now if I’m trying to limit my internet usage I can’t exactly be doing that by using the internet too heavily, but I’m thinking I may write a weekly post or do a quick video to record how I get on over the month and any observations or takeaways at the end of it all. Because obviously if things aren’t on the internet then they probably didn’t happen.

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Will Vought, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Actor, comedian, and writer Will Vought stars in the most recent season of the critically acclaimed dramedy series, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Additional television credits include The Good Wife, The Good Fight, both Lipstick Jungle and Love Bites, Bones, and Wilfred. Will is also an accomplished comedian, having toured the country opening for Wayne Brady. He got his start in the entertainment industry by contributing to Scott Shannon’s #1 morning show on 95.5 WPLJ, offering David Letterman updates and recaps, which opened the door for him to work for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Following his work with Conan, Will was offered a position in the West Wing of the White House, working for former President Bill Clinton, where he still continued his radio work on the weekends as the youngest morning show host in the country at just 22 years old. Will went on to serve as head writer for Wayne Brady during his time hosting the The Late Late Show prior to James Corden in 2014 on CBS, and he continues to collaborate with renowned actor and comedian Paul Reiser, including shopping a television pilot they wrote together with Julie Bergman. We got the chance to ask him some questions. Check it out:

Do you have a favorite character arc from season 3 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

For Season 3, I’m finding myself really interested in Susie and her journey. I don’t want to spoil it for those getting ready to start the new season or binge the series; however, in the first two seasons, Susie’s been hustling and primarily being of service to Midge while her personal life hangs on by a thread. In season 3, there are so many more layers introduced and opportunities that will ripple into not only her clout as a comedy manager but also her personal life. Also, I’m really invested in Lenny Bruce. Having read so much about him to see his plight on screen told through Amy’s lens is incredible. I don’t know anyone in comedy that doesn’t appreciate what Lenny Bruce did for comedians. The end of the Season 3 premiere is absolutely priceless seen thought the eyes of Tony Shalhoub’s Emmy Award-winning performance as Abe Weissman - Midge’s father.

If everything that you did was narrated, whose voice would you want narrating your life?

HA! That is a great question, and I’ve had to think about it. At first, I thought of the late great voice-over artist Don LaFontaine who moviegoers would remember as the “In A World…” guy who made millions voicing almost every movie trailer ever! BUT…truth be told I think that I would love Seinfeld's voice and lens, and I think it would make my day to day activities far more entertaining to listen to, especially when on the phone with my therapist.  

Can you tell us about a time you bombed (on stage or in an audition)?

Well…the thing that pops to mind was an audition for NBC’s series called Lipstick Jungle. At the time, I was living on Long Island and decided to make the mistake of driving into Manhattan for the audition. Traffic was abhorrent, and you would think that there were mass casualties on the Long Island Expressway resulting in me being almost an hour and forty-five minutes late for the audition. The director of that episode was the one and only Timothy Busfield, whom I loved on Arron Sorkin’s The West Wing. Tim played reporter Danny Concannon - Senior White House Correspondent.

I had no idea that Timothy was going to be at the audition and was mortified when I showed up and saw him in the room because I was so late. It’s not unheard of to not be seen at all if you are late, let alone hours late. I read for the part and left. Tim was gracious. A month later, I got a call saying that I didn’t book that role; however, they were writing me another role and wanted to hire me for it. While on set shooting, Tim told me that when they asked him if he had any ideas for the part and he said, “That guy who came in 2 hours late. He was great. Hire him.” So I thought I bombed — but it worked out in the end.

The USO Tour scene from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel broke the record for the most number of background actors used in a scene for tv in the state of New York (850). What was it like being a part of such a huge production?

I’ve never worked on Star Wars, but that’s what I was thinking of when we were filming that. It was by far the largest set I’ve ever been on, and yes there were almost 1000 background actors there for almost an entire week, who made up the audience of the USO show that you see in the season 3 premiere. When I met with Amy and Dan for the final audition for the role of Major Buck Brilstein, it was at Steiner Studios in Brooklyn in a small room that’s not much larger than a small studio apartment in Manhattan. It was the three of us and Emmy award-winning casting director Cindy Tolan. We did all the material from the episode, and to juxtapose that to being in an actual hanger with 1000 extras essentially filming a USO show that’s scripted — it was a historic moment in television that wasn’t lost on me.  

What was the audition experience like for your role on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?  

I kind of talk about that above. I had a great experience. As with anything, you have to go in a number of times, and then the final callback is with Amy and Dan Sherman Palladino. You are 2 feet away from her, there is a camera, and Cindy Tolan, the casting director, and you create the world and do the scenes — WORD PERFECT! That is a huge thing, and something I was told going in. Be word perfect every time. Their words are like notes on a page. Each one carefully picked and placed, and my job is to take them off the page and bring them to life with a sensibility of 1959 and a guy that’s a major in the army who always wanted to be a comedian but never really got the chance. So, my character is literally living his dream in this episode. Beyond that, you bring your A-game, nail it, and it’s up to Amy and Dan. It happened to go my way, and as I told Amy, I was grateful to get the invitation to play in her world. She wrote and directed this episode, so it was extra special.

Is there a specific role or moment that you feel has defined your career up to this point?

We’ll — this is pretty significant re: working with the Palladino’s.  I thought that The Good Wife was a big deal at the time — as I was part of Bob and Michelle King’s storyline that revealed Josh Charles’ character was murdered.  

It seems that I’m only allowed to act opposite actresses that have won 2 Emmy’s and 2 Golden Globes for Best Actress. LOL.  It’s truly a hard question to answer as each project is different, and as an actor, you hope that one job will open a door or opportunity to another.  That’s what I’ve found, at least over the past few years, so it’s certainly a slow burn.

Years ago, I was the low man on the totem pole at NBC’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien. I was an intern in the writing department under John Groff and often got the chance to appear in sketches on the show. This was an invaluable experience. There was an afternoon where I asked Conan (as I was cleaning his office) if he knew this was what he was going to do from the beginning. I’ll never forget what he said. He told me that, “In his wildest dreams he never thought he would be hosting a late night show.” He described show business as being on a highway. He was a writer in college, wanted to be a writer and set off on the highway with the goal of writing in mind. Along the trip, there were exits: Mad Magazine, The Simpsons, SNL. After each exit, he gets back on the journey. If you want to be a teacher or doctor or lawyer, you know exactly what to do. Go to X school for X years, and then they declare you as such. Boom. You’re it. Hollywood is not like that. Everyone’s path is so different, and how we get to where we are is almost inconsequential when compared to the culmination of the journey. I’ve been blessed to do a lot of different things so far and work with incredible talent that truly moves the needle in this business, and I hope for more opportunities.

What’s your favorite bit or joke from one of your stand-up sets?

I have a new bit I’m working on that’s fueled by my natural anger toward this situation.

I hate paper straws.

If this makes me a horrible person, so be it. If “they” think I don’t care about the EARTH or ENVIRONMENT and support the extinction of humanity because of this — so be it.

Paper straws? Really? Who did this make sense to? Who thought it was a good idea to combine PAPER and WATER?

I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time — but it doesn’t work. Three sips into my iced coffee and the thing has disintegrated, and I’m now drinking iced coffee and paper!

If you think paper straws are a good idea, let me ask you one question. Would you like to use a paper condom?

In the future, you’ll be standing in the rain telling your friend you can’t understand why she’s pregnant and soaking wet from holding the paper umbrella.

I will say that if we do switch to paper condoms …. I don’t know about the environment, but we will absolutely ensure the survival of humanity.

Lighting round! Describe each of the following in one word: Who you are, what you value the most, and what you’d be if you were a food item.  

I AM WILL VOUGHT.

I VALUE MOST: MY SON.

IF I WAS A FOOD ITEM, I’D BE A BEYOND BURGER!

What are you working on right now?

Right now, I’m working on sending out subliminal messages via Transcendental Meditation to Adam McKay for a coffee meeting that would result in being cast on the 3rd season of Succession on HBO.  I’d text him, but I don’t have his cell. Do you?

Thanks for taking the time, Will! Catch Season 3 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Prime Video. 

Photography: Emily Assiran | Grooming Laila Hayani | Styling: Natalia Zemliakova

[funigami-games]

A dream come true! The Prince's Heart is getting a Voice Over

When we started The Prince's Heart, we never thought we'd find so many wonderful persons willing to collaborate on our project.  Here we are now, a month later, with an entire crew of professional and aspiring Voice Actors willing to help us realize our Visual Novel!

Special thanks to our amazing Casting Director, Jacob Wilson, who directed the whole Voice Over process.

Let's meet the entire cast (in order of appearance in the game)!

Nick Chang as Edward (Protagonist)

I was born in Manhattan, but raised in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, where I currently reside. I also proudly identify as a 2nd generation Asian American (half Hong Kong via my mother, half Taiwanese via my father) and a member of the LGBTQIA+ community (gay and demisexual). Since childhood, I have had a distinct love of music and performance. Having played violin from 4th to 12th grade and sung for even longer, I used music as a primary means to express myself growing up. As I progressed from high school to college, I discovered online voice acting, but it was not until my time in graduate school that I formally decided to become an actor. My interest initially stemmed from a desire to help out in localization projects, but over the time I have spent voice acting, I have come to not only develop a great appreciation of the craft of acting, but also further deepen my love of music and rekindle my love of performance. With my singing experience as a basis to my unique perspectives, I hope to bring sensitivity, curiosity, and innovation to every project I work on!

Jacob Wilson as Adam

I’m a voice actor, Casting and voice director based in Dallas Texas. I’ve been working in this field for almost four years Now. It’s a journey that has taken me literally around the world and I’m so thankful for all I’m able to do and have accomplished. Being a part of amazing projects like this one are what fuel me to pursue my passions. I realized I was bisexual when I was 18. It’s a group in the LGBT+ community that continues to get flak from seemingly all over. But my faith in it and myself has always been unshaken. Outside of VO I am a drag artist in the making under the name “Twilight Stunning”, who I’m going to show more properly in the coming months! I’m so thankful I’m in the position I am, and I can’t wait to see what we have in store for y’all!

Bradley Gareth as Michael (Main Character)

Bradley was raised in Western Pennsylvania, learning piano from age 5 and taking up local community theater at age 10. He pursued the performing arts throughout high school, consistently participating in high school musicals and chorus festivals during his tenure there. At the end of high school, he also took multiple classes in musical composition and began doing online voiceover work.

During his time in college, Bradley participated in numerous professional and amateur voiceover productions both online and at the University of Pittsburgh's student radio station, WPTS Radio. While at WPTS, Bradley also began writing advertisements and online content for websites.

Now out of school, Bradley continues to lend his voice to multiple productions, dabble in musical composition, and provide content writing for WrightlySo.com.

Jared Prize as David (Main Character)

Singing provides me with some of the greatest joy in life. Outside of that, I love voice acting, hiking, and hanging with friends. My day job involves working with computers, so I like to find a bit of an escape into the creative-realm during my free time. My sexuality has always been a struggle, but I find comfort in not putting a label on it (at least for now). Mostly, I am very excited to be a part of an ambition team of lovely people. Working within a project like this brings excitement during the process, and even more-so while waiting for the final piece! I hope you enjoy what's to come xo

Marisa Duran as Lady Marie

Hey there, I’m Marisa Duran. I’m an actress working and living in Dallas, Texas.

I caught the "theatre bug" at a young age. My parents will tell you that it started when I was two years-old, dancing around to the Barney theme song. I agree wholeheartedly.

I grew up in a suburb on the east side of Dallas and was fortunate to have the opportunity to explore a city known for its rich culture and artistic influence. My passion for theatre was fueled by the many musicals that toured through town and I quickly decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life as a professional actor.

In 2016 I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas with my Bachelor of Fine Arts in Theatre, emphasis in Acting. Since then, I’ve had the privilege of working with multiple professional theatre companies in the DFW area. I’ve also expanded my career into the worlds of film and voiceover, landing roles in short films, webseries, and commercials, and lending my voice to over a dozen anime titles at FUNimation.

Art has the power to heal, to change, and to empower. As an artist, I believe that my purpose on this earth is to tell stories, and through these stories I hope to make a positive impact and leave people better than I found them. I consider it an honor to be able to use my talents in such a profound way.

Whenever I’m not rehearsing or recording, you can usually find me at my day-time marketing job, playing video-games, or drinking coffee at a local coffeeshop.

Kiba Walker as Zachariah

Born Arthur Lee Walker III in Tacoma, Washington, Kiba Walker is an American actor, musician, director, writer, and performer based out of Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas.

Kiba trained under the likes of various industry professionals such as Shane Sparks, Donyelle Jones, Tony Oliver, Betty "Waters" Kennedy, Chuck Huber, Sonny Strait, Chris Rager, Justine Reyes, Lorette Spicer, Bill Quinby, Angie Irons, Dan Lorge, Holly Clark Lorge, Spencer Christian, and many others. With 16 years of collective industry knowledge, Kiba has performed with the likes of Alice Underground, The Stereo Killers, Frankly Fictitious, CRVSH, Grant Davis, Ashley Ann Farley, Steve "Warky" Nunez, BASH!, Ryland Lynch, Ross Lynch, Will Jay, and more.

Voice over came to Kiba in his later years, around the age of 18, when he found his love doing an ask blog for Tumblr. From there, he took the craft seriously and networked profusely with various actors and companies in the voice over realm. His first roles were as Boku Temagawa in "Love Games" and Mike Connelly in "Zoolaplex".

Since 2014, he's been cast in various other projects including MY HERO ACADEMIA, HORIMIYA, GENSHIN IMPACT, FRUITS BASKET, ONE PIECE, SAINT SEIYA (2019 Sentai Dub), BLACK CLOVER, BOFURI! I DON'T WANNA GET HURT SO I'LL MAX OUT MY DEFENSE, CAUTIOUS HERO: THE HERO IS OVERPOWERED BUT OVERLY CAUTIOUS, CASE FILE NO.221 KABUKICHO, CAMP BUDDY, FULL SERVICE, TO TRUST AN INCUBUS, TO LOVE RU, O MAIDENS IN YOUR SAVAGE SEASON, EARTHLOCK, POPUP DUNGEON, SOMETHING IN THE DARK, RADIANT, and many more!

He's also directed such titles as FULL SERVICE, IDUEL: BATTLE  FOR STARDOM, ISHIDA & ASAKURA, THE TITAN'S BRIDE, and CAMP BUDDY.

As a musician now, Kiba currently has one album out, titled "XO", that released in May 2016. He runs a music channel called "KibaKovers", adapting anime and video game openings into English for a broader audience, as well as regular Top 40 covers. He is also one of the champions of the hit Fort Worth Drag Competition, The 3, as Salem Moon!

Mike Young as Sir Tiphis

Hello, I’m Mike Young. A dynamic, versatile and different British VP voice actor with gravitas, who can turn on various shades of Bristol, and run the spectrum of silky smooth, to warm and friendly.

Under the brilliant tutelage of Tanya Rich, my road to a professional voice acting career begin in 2018, having produced a wide variety of stories and audiobooks.

I lend my talent to a range of different projects:

Hard sell and soft sell commercial and corporate scripts

IVR for telephone systems and mobile apps

Instructional e-learning courses

Promotional adverts and trailers

Public service announcements

Character narration for video games, film, audio dramas and books

…and more!

I love it all, I do it all! And if you like what you hear, contact me! I’ll be sure to make your project gurt lush.

[iamrealbuilder]

Bill Buchalter interview

Bill Buchalter was a level designer for Sunstorm Interactive. He’s worked on 3 official add-on of Build Engine games: Cryptic Passage for Blood, Suckin’ Grits On Route 66 for Redneck Rampage, Caribbean Life for Duke Nukem 3D. Interview, November 2020: Corentin: Can you introduce yourself?

Bill Buchalter: My name is Bill Buchalter. I’m an avid gamer of all kinds – video games, board games, and especially tabletop RPGs. I’m currently a freelance writer for AAW Games (Adventure A Week Games) writing mini adventures for Dungeons & Dragons 5E. I live outside Indianapolis, IN with my wife Jane, our three kids, and our dog Roxi. When I’m not gaming, I also enjoy music, playing guitar, hiking, and camping.

C: With Sunstorm Interactive, you're credited for level design on Cryptic Passage, Caribbean Life and Route 66. How did you start working with Sunstorm and what do you remember from that time?

BB: In the mid 90’s, maybe around 1995 or 96, I was very into playing Duke Nukem 3D. Like most PC gamers at the time, I had played Castle Wolfenstein and Doom, and Duke Nukem just blew me away. Back in those days, when we played online, we would use a 3rd party program called KALI. You dialed up on your modem, logged onto the internet, and then used KALI as a portal to chat with other gamers and find someone to play with. The KALI software would then allow you to network together over the internet and play PVP matches. It was crude, and the lag could be horrible, but we didn’t know any better at the time and we loved it!

I remember I was in a B. Dalton bookstore in the mall one day (another relic of the 90’s that is long gone!) when I found a book called the “Duke Nukem 3D Level Design Handbook”. I was intrigued, and as I flipped through the pages it talked about a program on the Duke Nukem CD called Build, which allowed you to create your own levels. I had no idea Build existed, let alone how to use it. I bought the book and spent the next couple weeks diving into learning how to use Build. I was hooked!

Making my own maps quickly became an obsession. I would share them with my friends on KALI and I quickly earned a reputation for making user maps. I remember there was a map building competition, but I don’t recall who sponsored it. A guy named Robert Travis won the competition. When I saw his maps, I was blown away! His designs were so much more advanced than mine. He was using tricks I had never thought of to get lighting effects and set moods. I had to reach out to him to pick his brain.

Robert responded and we began talking and quickly figured out that we both lived in Indianapolis. He was working for Sunstorm at the time and invited me to come to their office to discuss level design. I met him there one evening, and he showed me some of the stuff he was working on. We ended up playing Duke all night on Sunstorm’s network with some of the other guys in the office. I was in heaven!

Robert introduced me to Anthony Campiti, the lead producer on Sunstorm’s next project – Cryptic Passage, an add-on for a Build engine game called Blood. They invited me to design some levels for the game and I jumped at the chance. Robert assigned me to design an opera house level and immediately I got pictures in my head of the theater scenes from Interview with a Vampire. I went home and worked furiously on designing the level. I was still rough, but with Robert’s help I tweaked things here and there and slowly learned his techniques. In the end I was really pleased with the level I’d designed. Robert and Anthony were happy too and asked me to design a second map specifically for deathmatch.

The next project Sunstorm was working on was Suckin’ Grits on Route 66, an add-on for another Build engine game called Redneck Rampage. Robert again asked if I’d like to be a part of that team and assigned me to build a truck stop level. Using a lot of the things I’d learned on Cryptic Passage, and the campy feel of the Redneck Rampage game, I had a lot of fun designing that level.

The last project I worked on for Sunstorm was Duke Nukem Caribbean Vacation. By this time Duke’s popularity was beginning to wane, and Quake was taking over. Robert was already starting to experiment and learn how to use the Quake engine. I was a new dad at the time (my first daughter had just been born) so unfortunately, I didn’t have the spare time to devote to learning a new engine. I barely had the time to design my level for Duke Caribbean, but I did manage to finish the casino level for that project. I do recall that Robert ended up going through in the end and changing a lot of the aspects of my level to fit the theme they had in mind. I remember being a bit disappointed and not really feeling like the level was “mine” because of so many of the changes. It was the last project I worked on for Sunstorm.

I kept in touch with Robert and Anthony for a while after that. They were branching out, working on other projects, and even trying to develop their own FPS game that I don’t think ever really got off the ground. Sunstorm was having the most success with their Deer Hunter line of games that at the time were selling well in Wal-Mart. Sadly, I eventually just lost touch with those guys.

I’m sure this is WAY more information than you were wanting (I’m a writer… I can’t help but go off the deep end!) but you dusted off some fond, old memories for me, so I apologize for walking so far down memory lane!

C: I see that you're still making maps, different kind of maps! This makes me wonder if maybe you were involved with W!Zone (a pack of maps for Warcraft 2 released by Sunstorm). Can you tell us a bit about that if possible?

BB: I didn’t have any hand in the W!Zone project for Sunstorm, but I loved the Warcraft series. As was common for many video gamers like me, who had roots in fantasy games like D&D, I played a lot of Warcraft and eventually got sucked into the world of MMOs with Ultima Online, Everquest, and World of Warcraft! If only I had back the time I sunk into those games!

These days I’m exclusively writing and designing for Dungeons and Dragons. I started about ten years ago writing for D&D Organized Play in a campaign called Living Forgotten Realms. I co-authored two adventures for that with my good friend, Michael Pearman, and authored a third adventure on my own. As you know from tracking me down via AAW Games, I’ve now authored six adventures for them, five of which are already published and one that is still in the works but should be released soon.

When I do manage to find time for video games, Diablo III is my game of choice these days. I’m looking forward to Season 22 starting here shortly, and like many others, I’m really hoping for something great with Diablo IV. I’ve been a huge fan of the series since the beginning, and even wrote an entire campaign for D&D 5E that translated the story of Diablo III into Dungeons and Dragons for the players in my home game! Thanks again for the opportunity to share some of this history. It was fun putting it all down and reliving those days!

C: There are two signatures in the Truck Stop level for Route 66. Do you remember anything about that ? There also several levels with no known credit : Fun Park, House of ill Repute, Mystery Dino Cave, Bigfoot Convention.

The signature on the truck stop is Route 66 was a joke! I was the only designer on that one. I just signed it "Billy Joe Jim Bob Buchalter" as a joke for bad redneck name. I wasn't the kind of guy that had to sign my maps the EXACT same way every time. :)

Other than the truck stop, I don't recall designing any other maps for Route 66. I pretty sure none of those you listed below were mine, but I don't recall whose they were.

Finally, here are some final comments Bill made after reading through some forum posts:

Wow, I am really quite humbled that you guys looked so deeply into my work! The fact that you could recognize my build style is pretty cool - I didn't even know I had a style! LOL. The truth be told, the reason you probably had so much trouble telling my levels from Robert's is because he was a big influence on me. I learned a lot from him and incorporated a lot of that into the stuff I built.

Its funny how reading through that thread you linked brought back memories... I remember now that my biggest disappointment from Duke Caribbean was that my only level in the game ended up being a secret level - that some people wouldn't even find it or ever play it. I was actually pretty excited about that level. I was the one that suggested a casino because my folks had retired to Vegas, so I'd been in a lot of the casinos there and had some great ideas for the map. I'd forgotten all about the restaurant I worked into it, and the big fish tanks.

There seems to be some debate about Robert. From what I remember, he was a really good guy. Maybe a bit tough to work for, but only because he really strived for our designs to be the best they could be, and he demanded that of both himself and the other designers. As I said before, I learned early on to accept criticism and critique and not take it personally. It was just Robert doing his job. I'll be the first to admit that I designed better levels thanks to the stuff I learned from Robert.

Someone on the message board made a very astute comment, basically to the effect that "Bill had to have other work out there. Sunstorm wouldn't hire an unproven guy off the street." But truth be told, that's exactly what they did! I hadn't done a single thing before working there. But I think a few things played in my favor. First, I lived in Indy, just 15 minutes from their office, so it was easy for me to go in and work directly with Robert. Second, while I didn't have anything officially published, I did have a disk full of the maps I'd designed on my own, and Robert thought I showed promise. I would design at home a lot, then go into the office a couple times a week and sit with Robert while he critiqued my work and offered advice on how to improve it.

I'll be honest - I'm blown away at the number of people STILL playing these old maps we made so many years ago. I watched a couple YouTube videos of a guy playing and reviewing Duke Caribbean and Blood Cryptic Passage. His high praise of both Full House and the Opera House really made my day. It's nice to know that people enjoyed my work.

_____________________________

Thanks a lot to Bill Buchalter for taking the time to answer these questions! Thanks also for sharing... “Big City” !

A Duke Nukem 3D map he created back in the day before joining with Sunstorm Interactive which was never released before! Screenshot:

Map download:

https://msdn.duke4.net/bigcity.zip

______

External link: Duke4 forum blog megathread: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/11471-blog-interviews-of-build-engine-video-games-developers/page__pid__353013#entry353013 The forum posts Bill read, mentionned above, can be found here: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/9418-duke-caribbean-multiplayer-levels/

[desdemonafictional]

2020 Fanfic Year End Summary

Hey ho let’s go

Nev does these every year and I think they’re interesting, so for the first time I’m gonna give it a go too. I feel like this has been the longest fucking year--the Zine feels like it was two years ago and last January feels like it was ten years ago.

I’m gonna answer some questions and do a little reflection on the year 

This year I technically finished Icarus with 2k words of a 36k story, and after that I went on to produce 197k words not even COUNTING the stuff from GPAU which I do not know how to divide up for 2020. 

That’s 23 fics in one year, 8 of which were cowriting projects. This year has been, objectively, insane. By comparison, in 2019 I produced 17 fics and at the time I thought THAT was doing pretty impressive work. Now it’s not my best year by sheer number of titles--2018 was an oil boom while I was into JTHM and I actually put out 25 fics that year, some of which were short oneshots and some of which were two- or three-shots. But in terms of words? 2020 knocked them all out of the park. Which is absolutely something I owe to my amazing friends who let me ride around in their brains like the parasite I am.

In 2018 I started cowriting with Chokopopo, in 2019 I started cowriting with Neveralarch, and in 2020 I just did a fucking ton more of that with no looking back. It’s so incredibly motivating to have someone to show your progress to! And to have someone to hand the project over to when you’re stuck. If I hadn’t had Nev to bounce off of, most of this fic wouldn’t have been thought up at all, let alone finished. And don’t even get me started on GPAU! Choko and Zephyr and me have done such amazing things with “Welcome! Everything is fine”, and I can’t wait to be able to wrap that up and leave it for posterity.

I switched job positions around July of this year, and it’s changed the way I produce fic. Not sure if it’s good yet or not. I was never actually under a stay at home order this year because I work for a state agency, so to a degree I’ve missed out on the ways that quarantine affected other writers. I think I was fortunate?

Best Title 

Ahhh this is tough, I put a lot of effort into my titles this year--I promised myself in 2019 I was going to stop using song lyrics for fic titles because they make songs loop in my brain and it’s self inflicted torment, which is a promise I... mostly kept. “Dress Your Idol in Gold and Ashes” is the one I put most effort into probably, because I kept toying around with it trying to find something that was evocative of the right pagan imagery, and also the idea that got me started on the fic was a passage in a text book about the daily dressing of an idol statue in ancient Egypt.

“Broke My Last Glass Jaw” gets special mention because I named it after an essay that I wrote in undergrad for my African American Lit course, in which I broke down themes of the spoiled american dream via the lens of 90′s rap.

Worst Title

“Take one for the Team” is definitely my laziest title. It’s just super self indulgent kink fic, no character arc or anything, so I couldn’t find a good image or phrase to bring in for the title. Also I remember I really wanted to post it quickly, since it was a response to some art I was looking at, and I wanted the artist to see. I’m sure I could have done better with the title.

I did end up titling “Fear and Delight” after a song but I forgive myself because I literally only wrote the fic because the song existed first.

Best Summary

Some of these summaries I wrote and a some I did not, but of the ones that I wrote I think.... “ I'm All Full Up on Yesterdays, Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is the best one. It launches you directly into the action, while preserving the surprise reveal at the end of chapter 1. I actually wrote chapter one with this summary in mind, so it was baked in there from the start.

Jazz turned in his seat, cube at his lips, just in time to spot the white pursuit vehicle steaming and panting in the doorway. “Jazz of Staniz,” the enforcer shouted, “surrender the matrix and come quietly!”

Jazz knocked back his drink. “Well!” he said to the open-mouthed bartender, “time to split!”

Worst Summary

I mean, summaries are hard for everyone, right? That’s the thing we all universally struggle with, I think? I usually end up liking mine, and this year I was less afraid to just let a section of the story speak for itself. Anyway the worst one is “ Broke My Last Glass Jaw” by virtue of the fact that I had to come back months later and add another line because I wasn’t satisfied with how it was reaching audiences.

After the war, Impactor is at loose ends.

(They were friends once, weren't they? After all this time, Impactor wonders if Megatron hasn't managed to forget.)

I really wanted that one line to say it all, but honestly it requires a lot of trust in me as the author and most of the people who pass by the fic in the archive aren’t gonna know me from adam. The second line clarifies what kind of story it’s going to be in terms of tone and theme.

Best First Line

I’m pretty ambivalent about most of my first lines. Since Nev already pointed out the first line in “ Apotheosis”, I have to admit, it is pretty good. It gets off to a real jaunty start.

“Excuse me,” Starscream said, striding down the steps of the senate chambers with his cape flaring out behind him, “get your cowcatcher out of his face, you tin-plated amateur despot, he’s with me.”

I also like the audacity of a run on sentence that is the opening to “ Desecrate You”

Ratchet clicks the video because it was auto-recommended, and because First Aid is always dropping hopeful hints that he wants her to watch his show when he’s supposed to be grading papers, and because something about the title (“This is Definitely a Hoax! None of this is Real! Short Cut Footage Episode”) makes her wonder why the hell someone who runs a Ghost Hunting youtube channel would bill their own hard work as a hoax right out of the bag.

Worst First Line

Definitely the least interesting is from “Tantric Sex, and Other Mysteries of the Divine”. I guess it’s another fic where I was really eager to get to the meat of the fic, and so I just went back after I was done with the fic and wrote a paragraph of bare bones setting context so we could move on already.

It’s game night at Swerve’s, and Nightbeat is out in the thick of the crew for once, getting the lay of the land.

I have the same problem in a few fics, which probably arises from the fact that when I read a fic, I often skim the first paragraph or so to see if I really want to commit to the read. So I sometimes write like I’m expecting the audience to do that too. I probably need to work on that. Man, I even did it in Sexy Staycation.

Best Last Line

I like endings! I usually have a good gut instinct for where stories should end, and how to pace that, and what image I want to close the fic on. Often times I’ll be writing a story and feeling really lukewarm about it, and then the ending will come to me, and I’ll feel totally won over by it. That happened with my Suicide Squad fic years ago. So this is for the most part me picking the best of the things I already like. “Broke My Last Glass Jaw” has a good pithy one; I like how it isolates this moment as a moment of choice, and how it’s also ambiguous whether he will change because of this or whether he’s doomed to go back to his predetermined pattern.

And despite the unguarded door and the empty inviting streets beyond, where no one wants or expects anything of him but his feterless bitter trog onward into the next waiting prison cell, Impactor lays down, and Impactor does.

Special mention goes to “ The Sky Dark in its Eclipse : Orange Light Remix”, because the ending section is one of the big changes I brought to the remix, and I’m really happy with how it alters the shape of the narrative and also how it changes the focus of Rung’s arc. Most of the actual words in this fic were written by Choko in 2018, so this is like a collab in slow motion--I changed loadstone moments mostly, some of the framing, all of the backstory, and updated the setting for Cybertron. But the ending is all me.

On the morning of Intro to Psych finals, while Hot Rod hums and taps and scrolls back and forth through his test on the front row of the testing hall, Rung will sit behind his desk and brush the dust from the rotors of his fateful archetype, and start the long process of putting the pieces together once and for all.

Worst Last Line

Again, I like my endings, so this is really the worst of the best. The original ending line I wrote for “ All Our Urgent Restless Sighing” was:

Deadlock’s finials twitched. “...I am a reasonable amount of interested,” he said, “in this topic.”

And in the beta process, Nev came back in and added the line about Ratchet and cuddling, which was a big hit with the readers it seems like. So clearly I benefitted from some help there haha!

Looking back, did you write more or less than you thought you would this year?

you know what, I definitely wrote more than I thought I would. I didn’t see “Don’t Sing Me No More Blues” coming at all, and that was once a month for most of the year. I was hoping that I would be able to write a few things outside of Transformers, because I always worry that my long spans of hyperfixation are driving away my longtime readers... and I did manage to get one hxh thing written that was good, and one hxh thing started that is mediocre so far. So I guess I’ll call that good enough.

 What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, just your favorite.

hmm I’m really proud of the Pharma chapter me and Choko put together for GPAU--the body horror, the tragedy, the lotus eater machine plot. But even though that felt like a whole ass story of its own, I guess it’s only a chapter at the end of the day. So my favorite story would be “Apotheosis”. It’s just SO much, and we had SO many things we wanted to do, and somehow we managed to do them ALL. Corpses! Children! God! It’s got everything! The only thing it doesn’t have is the idea that literally started us plotting out the fic. And that was “ritual public sex with Starscream and Rung”. Oh well. Maybe someday. Probably not.

Okay, Now your most popular story

Ha! I tend to view the success of a fic more based on its bookmark ratio than its hit count, but by the numbers, unsurprisingly, “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is my most popular fic of the year at a whopping 3k hits and 113 bookmarks. Well, it is jazz/prowl which means it has a built in audience of considerable size, and it also updated seven times this year which increases its net range, so no surprise. But I think people also just really vibed with it--it’s very much a product of the times we are living in, and I don’t think it could have been written in any year except for 2020. 

“Dress Your Idol” has 58 bookmarks, by the way. I’m extremely proud of that fic for having such a high bookmark to view ratio. I guess the people who did read it liked it a lot.

Story most underappreciated in its Time.

Okay nothing is as under-exposed as the stuff I produced in JTHM, so I’m definitely not complaining. It’s hard to think about leaving TF because TF is such an enthusiastic community. That said, “ Neggnog Cozy” did not get eyeballs. I’m not surprised, it’s short and it’s gen, and Thundercracker doesn’t have the built in audience of say Starscream. Still, I thought it was really funny and cute and I would have liked it if more people would have given it a chance.

Story that could have been better

Oh, “ Melusine Among the Tombs” for sure. I went into that with only the first chapter planned and immediately after realized that I had no idea where the fic was going and also I had lost my grip on canon characterization after a couple years going rusty in other fandoms. I plan to finish it eventually, but I need a better plan than “wing it???” first.

Sexiest Story

I wrote SO much weird kink this year. Like. Shout out to past me for writing some pretty spicy JTHM fic, but this year I really leaned into how weird you can plausibly get with an all robot all alien cast. 

“ The Sensual Machine” is the most unabashedly horny because it was written specifically for a weird kink themed zine that I was an editor on. “Desecrate You” is also quite horny but I almost exclusively wrote the frame device for that, so I don’t get sexy credit lmao. “Fear and Delight” was a big hit with all the hxh readers and I think it has an element of sexiness more so than pure horniness--its has a kind of glamour and style to it.

Most fun story

“Starscream's Sexy Staycation” is by far the most unabashedly comic and sexy and silly and low stakes. It has one of my favorite kinks, a beautiful stupid moment of Ratchet suffering, and Rung calling safeword which is something new and fresh and I want a lot more of it in the world.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

“ Lacunae” was given to me as a yule gift prompt with the express intention of explaining who the fuck Carmilla’s mother was, and what the deal is with Carmilla as well. This would have forced me to reevaluate my understanding of the novel except for the TEENSY insignificant fact that I realized I had never finished reading Carmilla, somehow, and ended up reading it for the first time in December in preparation for yule. So uh. Hmm.

I think “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” made me think about Prowl in a different way. I wasn’t really expecting him to be this hard-edged idealist when I started out on the fic. He was originally going to be much more like the autistic coded Prowl of “The Cop and the Cryptid,” one of my favorite fics ever. Also, I started writing the fic about a month before the riots and police protest kicked off in America this year, and it really caused me to zero in on how Prowl being part of a system like that affects his relationship to the world and other characters.

Hardest Story to Write

“ Elegy for Actaeon of the Hounds” took me a total of six months to write from start to finish. I don’t know why. Well, It’s partly because there are three involved sex scenes and sex scenes are actually very difficult and time consuming for me to write. It’s also partly because I kept wanting it to have a character arc, and I kept getting stumped on how to handle that. Beauty and the Beast plot lift? Have Rodimus be a rabbit? Eventually I settled on the version that kept the cast tightly cinched down around Megatron and Rung, and I’m happy with the result.

Easiest Story to Write

When we were writing “Apotheosis” it felt like we were on FIRE, we were so productive and we started three other projects between us while it was in motion. But “Take One For the Team” was absolutely the most fun to write, it basically wrote itself

Most Overdue Story

“Champagne in the Final Days of Rome” was based off a conversation I had with Nev pretty early on in our friendship--Discord says it was June 2019, so that’s uhhh ten months between discussion to actual writing? And it still didn’t turn out to be the fic we were originally outlining, haha.

Oh god you know what was really the most overdue? The last chapter of “Icarus; or, Look Who's Digging His Own Grave”. It was literally a year, January to January, between chapter 12 and 13. For a while I thought maybe I was just going to have to leave it there, without resolving the time loop problem at all.

Did you take writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing for the zine was a big risk. I remember Nev had to reassure me at least twice that what I was writing wasn’t too weird or off-topic or embarrassing to be part of the project. Now, of course, I’m very happy with it. But my god I was nervous to post something that was like.... straight up actually bimboification applied to one of the most popular toy characters of all time.

What I learned from this is that people love horny shit, are READY to take a chance on a weird fic when its in the right wrapping paper, and when in doubt you CAN sell people on a kink they’re not really into by making the kink actually a reflection of a character arc. Are you writing this down?

Do you have any goals for writing in the new year?

Finish GPAU!!!!!!

I’d like to FINALLY sit down and do some hard work on my original fiction. I’ve been kind of waiting for the tf hyperfixation to wane so I could move forward, and I think that process is in motion now. But who knows. If Rung shows up in the new comics I might get nerfed again.

Other than that I’d like to write at least one fanfic that isn’t TF, and I would like to get this really crunchy Rung/Pharma fic off the ground so I can make some people CRY

[emanoelribeirooficial]

Fanfiction - The Loud House's Sonic the Hedgehog: The Fastest Thing Alive

[A panorama of Great Lakes City appears, and shows Sonic running away from a hovercraft with advanced technology that is trying to hit him with a laser beam. The chase is stopped]

Sonic: [narrating] So, I know what you're thinking. "Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache who is destroying an entire city just to catch me?"

[The chase continues]

Sonic: [narrating] Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. And I will not lie, I only ran away several time in my life. Do not believe me? So let's go back a little bit in time, to 5 years ago.

[The story goes back five years ago. An island in the middle of the ocean appears. A young Sonic travels across the island]

Sonic: [narrating] This is Christmas Island, the island where I'm from. It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls, public access to loop-the-loops! It was an ideal place to live, except for one person.

[Eggman appears]

Eggman: Hello Sonic, how is your miserable life?

Sonic: [narrating] This is Doctor Eggman, he is the madman with a mustache who I mentioned earlier. He wants to steal my powers to take over the world. But I won't, because I'm too quick for him to catch me.

Sonic: Well, until you show up.

Eggman: Guess what, today is when I catch you, hedgehog.

Sonic: You think, Egg Head.

Eggman: If that's how you think... ROBOTS, ATTACK!

[Eggman's army robots attack Sonic, but the hedgehog destroys them]

Sonic: There's no use using your robots, Egghead. You'll never catch me.

Eggman: If I can't capture you, I will destroy you!

[Christmas Island starts to explode, Eggman runs away]

Sonic: That's not good! I have to get out of here, and fast!

[Sonic picks up a bag full of rings. He uses a ring to open a portal, leaves Christmas Island and stops in a forest of oak trees]

Sonic: No.

[Sonic sees through the portal, Christmas Island sinking into the ocean. Then the portal closes. Five years have passed, Two boys appear talking in a park]

Lincoln: Clyde, have you read the new Ace Savvy comic? It's amazing!!!!

Clyde: Of course Lincoln. I especially loved the ending, where Ace Savvy and his faithful sidekick One-Eyed Jack fight the trash monster, and it looks like it will be continued.

Lincoln: [looks at the watch on his wrist] Look at the time! I have to go home! See you tomorrow, buddy!

[Lincoln leaves]

Clyde: See you tomorrow, Lincoln!

[Clyde leaves too. A turtle crosses the street and is almost hit by a car, but Sonic saves it]

Sonic: Whoa, buddy. You almost got yourself killed out there. What are you, some kind of adrenaline junkie? Must be rough, being slow all the time... Tell you what, today is your lucky day.

[Sonic starts running with the turtle in his hand, with Don't Stop Me Now from Queen playing in the background]

Sonic: Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Have you ever felt so alive?! [lifts the turtle in his left hand] This is great, you're doing amazing!

[The turtle falls from Sonic's hand]

Sonic: Oh, jeez!

[He quickly runs back, grabs it and continues his run]

Sonic: Good recovery. Whoo-Hoo!!!

[Sonic leaves the turtle in the forest]

Sonic: This is going to be our little secret, Okay? [whispers] You didn't see me, I was never here.

[Sonic runs to his cave, and starts to play inside it]

Sonic: [narrating] So, did you think you were struggling to survive? Well, your mistake. I am living my life quite happily!

[Sonic reads several comic books...]

Sonic: [narrating] I have a library,

[... runs into a washing machine...]

Sonic: [narrating] A home gym,

[... and plays with nunchucks]

Sonic: Whoa!

Sonic: [narrating] and a state-of-the-art security system!

[Sonic plays ping pong with himself]

Sonic: [narrating] I even have a ping pong table!

[Sonic drops the bag of rings]

Sonic: Oh no.

[Sonic gathers the rings that have fallen to the ground]

Sonic: [narrating] And if something goes wrong, I use my rings to go somewhere else. But I won't need to use them, this is Royal Woods, the best place to live on the entire planet.

[Sonic runs from the forest to Royal Woods]

Sonic: [narrating] I am their favorite creature, even if they don't know about me. My favorite person is Lincoln Loud. We have several things in common, for example, we are pre-teens, we like comics and video games, and sports. Despite his strange white hair and, sometimes, his selfishness, he is a good person.

[Lincoln arrives at the Loud house]

Lincoln: DAD! MOM! I GOT HOME!!!

[Lincoln's sisters go down the stairs]

Lincoln's sisters: LINCOLN!!!

Sonic: [narrating] He has a large family, and how big that family is, he has TEN sisters! They are: Lori, the older sister; Leni, a little confused; Luna, the guitarist; Luan, the family comedian; Lynn, the sportswoman; Lucy, the goth; Lisa, the scientist; the twins Lola and Lana; and the youngest Lily. Their parents are Lynn Loud Sr. and Rita Loud.

Lori: How was the comic convention?

Lana: Did you get an autograph from Bill Buck?

Lynn: How many comics did you buy?

Lincoln: Okay, no more questions. Now I'm going to take a shower.

[Lincoln starts up the stairs]

Lori: Hey, Ronnie Anne called and said she was going to come here tomorrow.

Lincoln: Okay.

[In Lincoln's bedroom, Sonic spies Lincoln talking to Ronnie Anne on the laptop, through the bedroom window]

Sonic: [narrating] He's a friend of Ronnie Anne Santiago, the toughest girl he's ever met. These two are in love with each other, even if their families don't know it. And there's no point in them denying it, because I know the truth.

Lincoln: How's it going in Great Lakes City?

Ronnie Anne: [via laptop] Okay here, there were some confusions, but they have already been resolved.

[Lincoln chuckles]

Ronnie Anne: [via laptop] Lori warned me that I'm going to visit you tomorrow, right? Why am I going to beat you on "Dance Battle".

Lincoln: Are you sure? Let's see who's the best!

Ronnie Anne: [via laptop] That's right. Smell you later, lame-o.

[Ronnie Anne ends the video call. At another point in the previous day, Lincoln and Clyde watch a ghost hunter program]

Sonic: [narrating] Lincoln's best friend is Clyde McBride. They do a variety of things together, such as playing video games, reading comics and watching ghost hunters programs.

[In a cafeteria, Crazy Carl shows a drawing of the "Sanic" meme to a police officer, Lincoln and Lynn Sr.]

Sonic: [narrating] There is one person in town who's actually onto me. He calls me the "Blue Devil".

Crazy Carl: I almost caught him last night.

[At last night, Sonic makes pranks with Crazy Carl in his traps]

Sonic: [narrating] Say hello to Crazy Carl.

Crazy Carl: [trapped in one of your traps] I know you're out there, and I know you're real!

Sonic: [screams from within the forest] NO, I'M NOT!!!!

[Back at the Loud house, now at night, the whole Loud family is gathered in the living room watching a movie on TV, while Sonic watches hidden behind the door of Lynn Sr. and Rita's bedroom]

Sonic: [narrating] The movie night is my favorite, but as the TV is from coast to window, I sneak into the house through the window of Mr. and Mrs. Loud's room, and watch the movies through the door.

[Sonic plays a psychologist at a dentist's office]

Sonic: [as a psychologist] Don't you think your prolonged isolation is driving you a little crazy? [as a patient] Crazy? Of course not, Doctor! You understood all wrong! [as a psychologist] Despite all that you call friends, deep down, [starts to feel sad] you still feel alone?

[Back at the Loud house, Sonic leaves, saddened]

Sonic: [as a patient] That's I'm afraid to be alone, forever.

[Next day, in the morning, at the Loud house, the doorbell rings]

Lincoln: Who is it?

Ronnie Anne: [outside the house] It's me, lame-o.

[Lincoln opens the door and Ronnie Anne enters the house. Lynn runs out of the house]

Lynn: LEAVE THE FRONT, I'M LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT GAME!!!!!

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne look scared Lynn leaving]

Lincoln: Let's Play?

Ronnie Anne: Let's go.

[Lincoln closes the door to the house. The same morning, at the Royal Woods Football Field, the soccer game between the Royal Woods Middle School and Tomball High School. Sonic sees the game hidden in the trees]

Sonic: Wow, is Lynn's team playing?

[Sonic goes under the stands and sees the game, which Royal Woods Middle School apparently won. Mid afternoon, the game is over and Sonic goes to the center of the pitch, sees the soccer equipment and starts playing football with himself]

Sonic: [as a announcer and as a player] And the Sonic team needs another victory to win the championship. But they did not have the Sonic team, which wants to end their game unbeaten record. And the game begins, Sonic gives possession of the ball to Sonic, but Sonic catches the ball and runs towards the goal. Sonic gives Sonic a cart and passes the ball to Sonic who dribbles one, two, three, FOUR PLAYERS, now it's just him and the goalkeeper, he'll kick, kick, and it's GGOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!! SONIC TEAM WINS THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! [only as a player] WHOO-HOO!!! WE WIN, WE WIN!!!!! YOU COME, FANS????!!!!

[Sonic returns to reality and sees the field empty]

Sonic: [saddened] I really am alone… [crying] All alone... Forever.

[Sonic runs across the field several times, and then emits an electromagnetic pulse that turns off all the energy in Royal Woods and nearby cities. At the Loud house, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne continue to play "Dance Battle". Then, the energy runs out]

Lincoln: What happened?

Ronnie Anne: I think there was a power outage.

[The energy comes back]

Ronnie Anne: See, it was just a power outage.

Lincoln: How strange, it is usually the people who cause this.

[Lynn comes home]

Lynn: Guys, did you see the blackout that happened?

[Back to the Royal Woods Football Field]

Sonic: [scared] Let's pretend that this electromagnetic pulse did not exist and that everything was back to normal, right?

[Sonic runs back into the forest. Meanwhile in the Death Egg, the computer signals the electromagnetic pulse]

Eggman: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DAMN COMPUTER THAT KEEP ON BEEPING????!!!! [looks at the computer] It can't be, I haven't seen an electromagnetic pulse like that for 5 years! I wonder if he... Orbot! Cubot! send the drones to scan the Royal Woods area, and prepare a laboratory truck for me to use!!! [whispers to himself] If he is alive, I will dissect him piece by piece, and then use his power to take over the world.

[Minutes later, in Sonic's cave...]

Sonic: [talk to himself] I need to get out of here, and fast. I let you see what I take... The rings, the beanbag, the nunchucks, the radio, my comics... Wait a minute, Sonic, don't be worried. It looks like a lot of robots will go after you.

[Eggman's drones appear and scan the cave]

Sonic: Dang it! Me and my big mouth. [whispers to himself] You know what, I'll just take the rings, but where am I going to hide? [had an idea] I know where.

[Sonic arrives in the garage at the Loud house. Meanwhile, at home, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne continue to play]

Lincoln: What was that noise?

Ronnie Anne: It looks like it came from the garage.

Lincoln: I'll go and see.

Ronnie Anne: I'd better go with you, the way you get scared.

[Back to the garage]

Sonic: [talk to himself] Okay Sonic, just choose where you want to go, it could be Paris, Seul, even Tokyo! But I don't want to leave here. [picks up a ring and prepares to use it] Here we go.

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne appears]

Lincoln: Stopped! Whoever it is!

Ronnie Anne: We have a baseball bat and a super powerful ball launcher!

[The two look at Sonic]

Sonic: Uh... Meow?

[The three scream in fright. Lori appears]

Lori: Ronnie Anne, your mother called saying that it is time to go back to Great Lakes City. [She sees the three in the garage]

Lori: WHAT THE...?!

[Lori throws the baseball bat that Ronnie Anne was holding onto Sonic's head]

Sonic: OUCH! [dizzy] Great... Lakes?

[Sonic drop the ring and a portal to Great Lakes City opens. Sonic falls to the ground unconscious and drops the bag of rings inside the portal, on top of a skyscraper. The portal closes]

Lori: Literally... What just happened here?

[Sometime later, Sonic wakes up tied to a chair and with the whole Loud family looking at him]

Sonic: What happened? And why am I tied? OUCH! And why is there a dog biting my leg?!

[Rita removes the dog from Sonic's leg]

Lincoln: Do you speak?

Sonic: Of course, Lincoln.

Lincoln: You know my name? How?

Sonic: A- I know the name of everyone in the town, B- I kind of watched you for five years.

The Loud Family: FIVE YEARS????!!!!

Lynn Sr.: So Crazy Carl was right all the time! The "Blue Devil" really exists!

Sonic: Now they can call him Carl "Eagle-Eyed Eyes". Now, can you let me go?

[Luna unties the rope]

Sonic: Thanks.

Lisa: What animal are you?

Sonic: I am a hedgehog, I thought you knew that.

Lana: Can I touch your fur? [get a Sonic quill]

Sonic: HEY!!

Lynn: Do you like boxing?

[She punches Sonic in the belly]

Sonic: OUCH!

[He falls, but then gets up]

Lynn: Yeah! I won by knockout.

Luna: What is your favourite song?

Lucy: What kind of poem do you want me to read at your funeral?

Sonic: What?

Leni: I loved your shoes!

Lola: [about the shoes] Very tacky.

Luan: Why did the hedgehog cross the street?

[The questions increase, and Sonic begins to lose his temper]

Lincoln: Calm down with the questions, girls. He's already going crazy.

Sonic: [sigh] Thanks, Lincoln.

[Sonic realizes that he lost his rings]

Sonic: Oh no, I lost my rings!

Ronnie Anne: Rings?

[A black truck appears in front of the house]

Rita: Why a truck is in front of the house?

[Sonic goes to the window to see the truck. Eggman gets out of the truck. Sonic, startled, quickly closes the curtains]

Sonic: Oh no! Not him again!

Ronnie Anne: What happened, uh... what's your name?

Sonic: My name is Sonic. It's Eggman, and I have to hide.

Lincoln: For what reason?

Sonic: He's the reason I'm hiding in Royal Woods.

[The doorbell rings]

Eggman: [outside the house] Is this the Loud's residence?

Lincoln: [whispers] Go to the attic and stay hidden there until he leaves. Okay?

Sonic: [whispers] Okay.

[Sonic runs into the attic. Children go to their rooms. Lynn Sr. opens the door]

Eggman: Hi Mr. Loud, I'm Dr. Ivo Robotnik, and I came to investigate your home.

Lynn Sr.: Why are you seeing only my house? And why did you just come here today?

Eggman: Why your home is a special case. [enters the house] I believe that you are HOSTING the cause of the blackout.

Lynn Sr.: Hosting who? We don't even know what happened!

[Meanwhile in the attic, one of Eggman's drones scans the area. Ball-shaped, Sonic is hiding]

Sonic: [whispers to himself] Okay, I'm a ball. Just a normal ball. I'm blending in like a ball. Shh, stop talking. No, you stop talking. Be quiet, Sonic. You be quiet, Sonic!

[Another drone arrives and scans the area]

Sonic: Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out…

[The scanners for the two drones are about to scan Sonic]

Sonic: I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

[Sonic rolls out of the attic and falls down on the second floor hallway]

Eggman: What was this?

Lynn Sr.: It must be the children playing, no big deal.

Eggman: Okay, there's nothing to see here.

[He pushes Lynn Sr. up the stairs and sees the children playing while Sonic is hiding in Lincoln's room]

Eggman: Here's the thing, I'm never wrong.

Lynn Sr.: Everyone has a first time.

[Eggman looks at Lana...]

Eggman: Hey little girl, what's this thing with you?

[... and picks up Sonic's quill that was with her]

Lana: HEY! That's mine!

Eggman: HA! Look at that. I was right. Note the lack of surprise.

[He calls for a drone, which aims various weapons against the Louds]

Eggman: You have FIVE seconds to tell where the hedgehog is! Five…

Luna: What hedgehog, dude?

Eggman: Four…

Leni: Are you sure it's not a blue toothpick?

Eggman: Three…

Lincoln: We don't know about any hedgehog, you can check the whole house!

Eggman: I know he's here because I'm holding the evidence. TWO!!!...

[Sonic leaves Lincoln's room]

Sonic: WAIT! It doesn't hurt them.

Eggman: [surprised] How can you be ali…

[Lynn Sr. knocks out Eggman]

Lynn Sr.: Lori, take Ronnie Anne back to Great Lakes City! The rest comes with me.

[All the Louds leave the house, Lori and Ronnie Anne go to the van and the others go to Lisa's bomb shelter. Back on the second floor of the house, Eggman regains consciousness and gets up]

Sonic: Hey Egg Head, look here!

[Eggman's drone launches several missiles at Sonic, who escapes through Lincoln's room window, which then explodes. Lincoln sees his room explode]

Lincoln: MY ROOM!!!

[He goes back to see his room destroyed. Eggman's drone goes flying and aims the guns at Lincoln. Sonic realizes what's going on]

Sonic: Lincoln!!!

[Sonic picks up Lincoln and they both get in the van]

Lori: What are you doing here?

Sonic: TURN ON THE CAR!!!!!

[Lori starts the van and they leave for the highway. Eggman leaves the house and sees the van leaving]

Eggman: Don't worry Sonic, [looks at Sonic's quill] because your days are numbered. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[On the highway...]

Lincoln: Now... explain to me why you hid in Royal Woods all this time.

Sonic: It all happened 5 years ago ... I lived on an island where there was everything, even loopings! after a battle with Eggman, he blew up the entire island, which sank in the middle of the ocean. I thought I was a forest and I used a ring to come here, and I didn't even know that Royal Woods existed.

Ronnie Anne: Now, about the rings.

Sonic: Rings are mystical objects that allow people to teleport anywhere in the world. And taking advantage of you going to Great Lakes City, I will go with you.

Lori: What do you mean you literally go with us to Great Lakes?

Sonic: Why the rings fell on a skyscraper in the city.

Lori: Oh, that's a fair point.

Ronnie Anne: I know a skyscraper there. When we get there, I'll take you there.

Sonic: Thank you for helping me, [saddened] you could be the best friends a hedgehog could have.

[Everyone is moved by Sonic's speech. Shortly thereafter, Eggman activates the truck]

Eggman: Hmm... Eeny, meeny, miny... MAYHEM!

[Eggman chooses a tank to chase the van. Back to the van...]

Lincoln: You mean you spied on everyone in the Royal Woods for 5 years?

Sonic: To be honest, not all. I am fast and I can stay in several places, but not in all at the same time. I see something in one place, but I miss what is happening on the other side of the town.

Ronnie Anne: So you don't know what happened at Jean Juan's French Mex?

Sonic: No, what happened there?

Lincoln/Ronnie Anne: [both sweating and embarrassed] NOTHING!

[Sonic looks at them suspiciously]

Sonic: Why are you embarrassed? I just asked what happened at... I think I know what happened.. You kissed in the middle of the restaurant and in front of everyone who was there, right?

Lincoln/Ronnie Anne: [both sweating and embarrassed] How is it?

Sonic: There is no use denying it, that was the topic of the moment for a whole week! And thanks to you, I remembered that. Tell me how it went, go!

[A harpoon hits the van]

Lori: What the...?

[Everyone looks at the tank]

Eggman: [inside the truck] POW!!!!

Sonic: Go, tell me how was that kiss!

Lincoln: Have you noticed the harpoon trapped in the van?

[The tank pulls the harpoon and the van close to it]

Lori: Everyone holds on to something!!

Sonic/Lincoln/Ronnie Anne: Why?

[Lori accelerates the van, Sonic is thrown out of the vehicle, turns a ball and destroys the tank. Lori brakes the van and turns back]

Lincoln: Sonic??!!

Ronnie Anne: Sonic!!

[Meanwhile, Sonic keeps spinning and stops being a ball]

Sonic: [gets up] Uh... I think I had an extra life.

[Sonic realizes that he destroyed the tank and heads towards the wreckage]

Sonic: Oh yeah, baby! Sonic, one! [doing the floss] Big tank, zero! I'm sorry, did we get that on camera?!

Lincoln: How are you not dead?

Sonic: [dancing] I have no idea! Do you see me dancing?!

Lincoln: Yes, I saw you dance…

Sonic: [looks at the tank] HA!! Is that all you got?

Eggman: [inside the truck] No, but thank you for asking.

[Eggman activates another robot. Sonic returns to the van. The van starts to move. A mini-truck comes out of the tank]

Sonic: Did that tank have a baby?

[The mini-truck begins to chase the van and launch discs with small electromagnetic pulses, Lori diverts the van from all discs]

Sonic: Dang it, here we go again.

[Sonic goes to the broken van window]

Lori: Where are you going?

Sonic: Just drive there, let me take care of the rest.

[Sonic jumps out of the van and slides through the disks, grabs one and jumps into the mini-truck]

Sonic: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to my livestream! Today, we're destroying robots! Step one…

[Sonic uses the disc to burn the mini-truck's circuits and returns to the van. Then the mini-truck overturns and explodes]

Sonic: We did it!

[A one-wheeled robot only gets out of the mini-truck]

Sonic: Ah, come on.

Lincoln: Okay, now it's our turn.

[Lincoln throws several things from the van on the robot, and damage it]

Ronnie Anne: Lori, slow down!!

[The van slows down and Ronnie Anne wrecks the robot with a car wreck]

Eggman: [inside the truck] OHHHH! GIVE ME A BIG FAT BREAK!!!

Sonic: Whoo-Hoo! Next stop, Great Lakes City!!

[At night, the four arrive at Casagrande Apartment, in Great Lakes City. Bobby and his mother, Maria, wait outside the building]

Lori: [get out of the van] Boo-Boo Bear!!

Bobby: Babe!!

[The two embrace. Ronnie Anne gets out of the van]

Ronnie Anne: MOM!!!

Maria: ¡Mija! Are you okay?

Ronnie Anne: I'm okay, mom.

[Lincoln and Sonic get out of the van carefully. Sonic sees thrilled Ronnie Anne and Maria hugging]

Lincoln: What's up Sonic?

Sonic: It's just... I've never had a family, I've been lonely since I was born. [saddened] And to see a mother hugging her daughter…

Lincoln: Oh…

[Bobby sees the van partially destroyed]

Bobby: What happened to your father's van?

Lori: Well... It's just that some mad scientist tried to kill us because he's after him.

[She introduces Sonic to Bobby and Maria]

Sonic: Uh... Hello?

Bobby: [surprised] He's a talking hedgehog!

Sonic: Because only he knows I'm a hedgehog?

Maria: It's late. Why don't we go in the house?

Everyone: Okay!

[Everyone enters the building, goes up the stairs and goes into the living room]

Maria: MAMA!! RONNIE ANNE HAS ARRIVED, AND WE HAVE VISITORS!!!

Rosa: [inside the kitchen] And who are they?

Maria: Lincoln, Lori and a friend of theirs.

[Rosa came out of the kitchen]

Rosa: And who would this new friend of theirs be?

[Rosa looks scared at Sonic and drops some dishes. Sonic, with his speed, picks up the dishes before they break on the floor]

Sonic: Wow, you almost had a loss with these dishes.

[Rosa still scared, keeps looking at Sonic]

Sonic: So... how many rooms are still available?

Rosa: Uh... three. Why do you want to know?

Maria: They're running away from a mad scientist who wants to capture this hedgehog.

Sonic: Can we hide here? It's just for one day.

Ronnie Anne: Please, Abuela.

[Rosa think about it for a second]

Rosa: Alright, you can stay here.

Lincoln: Yeah!

[Everyone except Sonic goes to their rooms. Moments later, on the roof of the building, Sonic looks at the stars]

Sonic: [thinking] Should I go somewhere else, I don't want to be alone again, but I don't want to leave my friends in danger. In fact, they are not even my friends, they are just helping me to escape. [eats a Chili dog] But I care about them! I think getting out of their lives is the best thing I can do.

[At that very moment, in the truck, Eggman puts on some headphones, goes through the playlists and chooses the song Where Evil Grows, by Poppy Family. The music starts to play. Eggman spins in his chair, clearly enjoying himself. At the workplace, a mechanical claw holds the quill. The doctor grabs it, pushes a few buttons on a nearby computer to prepare a feeding tube, before taking a pair of connecting cables and connecting them to the blue thing. Failure in the lab. The doctor returns to the board, holding a lighter and looks for the fuses. He opens a metal box on the wall with the circuit breakers labeled "Self-Destruction", "Badniks" and "Evil Lab". He reactivates the lights, closes the lighter and starts the song again… to dance while the quill is placed on the tube by the mechanical arm. Eggman then moves all-in, activating a holographic display of a snowy hill behind him, and he pretends to ski it. Then, the image changes to a hologram of a T-Rex, which "chases" the doctor. He pretends to run, before throwing the headphones on. He turns and lowers his head, looks like the dinosaur has bitten. The lights start to flash and the dance continues. turns around again and raises his arms. In the next letter, it swings back and forth. Some beeps are heard. Eggman run to the force tube, where the "Power Analysis: Unlimited" and "Sonic Found" warnings are displayed above it]

Eggman: So you're already in Great Lakes City, Sonic? Live your last moments of freedom. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ORBOT!!! READY THE EGGMOBILE!!! With this kind of power, my machines can finally reach their full potential…

[Casagrande Apartment, 7:00 A.M. All the Casagrandes are in the living room having breakfast. Lori appears]

Lori: Good morning guys!

The Casagrandes: Good morning, Lori??!! LORI!!!

Carlota: What are you doing here?

Lori: Lincoln and I, along with Ronnie Anne, were on the run from a mad scientist who tried to kill us and capture Sonic.

Frida: I understand. But who is Sonic?

Lori: It is a talking blue hedgehog that literally runs at supersonic speeds.

Carlos: A talking blue hedgehog that runs at supersonic speeds? THIS IS A GREAT SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY!! Where is he?

Rosa: Carlos, don't even think about studying about that erizo, especially now that he's being chased.

Bobby: Yes. But stopping to think now, where is he?

Maria: Exactly. And where are Ronnie Anne and Lincoln too?

[At that same time, in the center of Great Lakes City; Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, and Sonic, disguised with a cowboy hat and the shirt that Bobby wore when he worked at Gus' Games and Grub walk towards the skyscraper]

Sonic: Are you sure Bobby won't be annoyed that I wear his shirt?

Ronnie Anne: Of course, he doesn't even work at Gus' Games and Grub anymore.

Sonic: Ok then.

[Halfway through, they buy three ice creams]

Sonic: Now that there is no one behind us at the moment, you could tell me how that kiss happened.

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne are embarrassed]

Ronnie Anne: [embarrassed] Why do you want to know how it happened if you know we kissed?

Sonic: I wasn't there at the restaurant, so I didn't see anything.

Lincoln: All right, I'll tell you how it happened.

[A flashback about the "Save the Date" episode begins]

Lincoln: It all started the day before at school. Some boys kept making fun of our friendship, saying we were dating. I always want to insult her, saying she was rude and gross and totally annoying, and I even said that I would rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss her.

[The flashback is interrupted]

Sonic: That's rude, Lincoln. Keep talking.

[The flashback continues]

Lincoln: Then she told Bobby everything, who broke up with Lori. And in order for the two of them to get back together, Lori and I would have to go on a double date with them so Bobby could see me being nice to her.

Sonic: And... What happened?

[The flashback is interrupted]

Ronnie Anne: The boys who intubated him went to the restaurant.

[The flashback continues]

Lincoln: They started mocking us again and I insulted her unintentionally again. So I decided to apologize to her in front of everyone who was at the restaurant. But instead of saying…

[The flashback is interrupted]

Sonic: You kissed her in front of everyone!!

[The flashback continues]

Lincoln: Exactly!!

[The flashback ends]

Sonic: Wow! I wish I could have seen that!

Ronnie Anne: You should have seen what happened at school the next day.

Sonic: I should have seen what?

Lincoln: She slapped me in the face.

Sonic: Wow! Is it all just because of a kiss?

Lincoln: Yes and no.

Ronnie Anne: The boys upset him again, and for them to stop, I slapped Lincoln in the face. And then the boys thought we'd broken up, and they stopped disturbing him.

Sonic: And so, the "Date Saga" ends. Wait, why didn't you guys really date to make fun of them?

Lincoln: [embarrassed] Well, it's just that we, being a couple…

Ronnie Anne: [embarrassed] Me and Lincoln dating? Well, I'm not sure it…

Sonic: Shh... I understand. Maintaining a relationship is difficult, but starting one is even more difficult, as there will always be someone jealous to make fun of you.

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne did not understand what Sonic said]

Ronnie Anne: It's okay.

Lincoln: Now, talk a little about yourself.

Sonic: I already talked about me, in the van.

Lincoln: Oh, that's right.

Ronnie Anne: So, talk about your powers.

Sonic: My powers? I was born with them, and even today I can't control them. When I get too emotional, I create a so-called electromagnetic pulse that can cause a blackout in a giant area.

Lincoln: So it was you who caused that blackout, was it?

Sonic: Yeah.

Lincoln: But why?

Sonic: I was hidden for 5 years, without anyone knowing about my existence. I was sad and very lonely, and to unload that sadness, I started running in circles on the Football Field. I ran so much that I released that electromagnetic pulse.

Lincoln: It must be boring to be alone, with no one to talk to, play a game…

Sonic: Yeah, it's really boring.

[The three of them arrive at the skyscraper]

Ronnie Anne: Yeah... we're here.

[Sonic, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne go to the top floor of the skyscraper, totally crowded]

Sonic: [saddened] So... I think it's goodbye.

Lincoln: You don't want to leave, am I right?

Sonic: Yeah. But I need to leave, not only for my life, but also for yours. Only then will you be free from Eggman.

Lincoln: It's okay, Sonic. No matter where you go, your friends will always be [points to Sonic's heart] here.

Sonic: Want to say that you... you two... are going to be my friends?

Ronnie Anne: Uh... yeah.

Lincoln: We will be the best friends you never had, even if you have to go.

Sonic: Woah! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

[The three embrace. Then, one of Eggman's drones appears, prepares its weapons...]

Ronnie Anne: Watch out!

[... and launches a missile at the skyscraper's window. Everyone who was on the scene, except Sonic, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, run away]

Sonic: What is going on?

[Sonic takes off his disguise. Several drones surround the building. A highly technological hovercraft appears and opens the cockpit, q revealing that it’s Eggman, now in red overalls]

Eggman: Hello Sonic, how long ago.

Sonic: Eggman? How is it…

Eggman: I found you? Well, let's say you left something behind.

[Eggman samples Sonic's quill that he picked up at the Loud house]

Ronnie Anne: Lincoln, isn't that…

Lincoln: The quill that was with Lana?

Eggman: The time for talking is over! It's time to push buttons.

Sonic: Your technology may have improved over time, Dr. Eggman. But let's face it, you'll never catch me.

Eggman: Confidence! A fool's substitute for intelligence.

[Eggman activates the drone's weapons]

Sonic: That's not good.

Lincoln: Uhh, Sonic? I know you've got the super speed, and everything, but Ronnie and I?

Sonic: Totally defenseless? Probably gonna get blown up?

Ronnie Anne: Pretty much, yeah.

Sonic: Don't worry. I know exactly what to do. [whispers to Lincoln] When you get to Royal Woods, let your sister know, okay?

Lincoln: What?

[Sonic throws Lincoln and Ronnie Anne off the skyscraper. Eggman looks down at them in surprise, then sits back]

Eggman: [surprised] I was not expecting that... But I was expecting not to expect something, so it doesn't count.

[All of the drones open fire at Sonic, but they slow down and stop, just as they're about to hit the hedgehog. Still in slow motion, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln falling and Eggman reaches out to press the red button]

Sonic: Look at this! I took nine million steps today.

[Sonic waves some of the rockets out of the way, grabs two of them and drums down the bullets flying towards him. As Sonic dismantles the drones, Eggman's finger inches closer and closer to the button. When he presses it, the Eggmobile is charged up and flies straight upwards. Just as Sonic pushes two of the drones around so that they will fire at each other...]

Sonic: [doing finger gun gestures] Pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew, pew…

[... the machine flies back down and pulls out a laser. Sonic's eyes widen in horror as it is fired. He tries to get out of the way, but the beam blasts him out of his bullet time. Sonic, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne are in free fall. Sonic picks up a ring and teleports Lincoln and Ronnie Anne to Royal Woods. In Royal Woods, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne fall into a pool near the Loud house. They emerge from the pool]

Lincoln: Let's go! We need to call Lori and let the others know.

Ronnie Anne: Okay.

[The two leave the pool. In Great Lakes City...]

Sonic: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[... Sonic skids, falls down a tree and lands on the sidewalk. The broken drones and rubble fall down around him. Then, the Eggmobile appears]

Eggman: Sonic, can I give you one genius piece of advice? Don't run. It'll only hurt more if you do. And it's bad for your joints, they've proved it.

Sonic: All right, Eggman. You wanna get fast? Let's get fast!

[Sonic starts running]

Eggman: The hard way, it is.

[Eggman begins to chase Sonic. The chase scene begins. The Eggmobile charges after the target. Running through the streets of Great Lakes City, Eggman fires his laser constantly, but they miss due to Sonic's agility. The chase is stopped]

Sonic: [narrating] So, here we are again. We've been through so much together! Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctor chasing a superSonic blue hedgehog! Wanna know how it ends? Yeah, me too!

[The chase continues. Sonic and Eggman saw it on a corner]

Eggman: That was an illegal left by the way!

Sonic: This is impossible! [picks up a ring] No one has ever reached me before.

[In Paris, a mother and daughter are looking at a mime, because of course they do. The child seems particularly uninterested, until the mime makes a circle with his arms, revealing the ring portal Sonic just made]

Sonic: Coming through!

[The hedgehog speeds through the ring, passing the three occupants. The mime ducks]

Mime: "Sacré bleu!"

[Eggman follows afterwards]

Eggman: "Excusez-moi, monsieur!"

[Another portal opens on the Great Wall of China. Both Sonic and Eggman fly through it]

Sonic: Here we go. Road opening up!

[The Eggmobile swirls around, but Eggman is still able to keep up, even though the blue hedgehog jumps around and runs along the walls of the passage. Sonic quickly throws out a third ring, leading them to Egypt]

Sonic: I can't lose him.

[Eggman shoots a sphinx and tries to hit Sonic. The hedgehog skids in the sand and has an idea]

Sonic: If you don't beat him, blind him.

[He swirls around the plain of sand, circling Eggman's machine. A sandstorm flies up, blinding Eggman...]

Eggman: I lost... the visual contact!

[... but then he sees Sonic, running up the edge of the Giza Pyramid]

Eggman: You're not allowed up there! That's one of the Seven Wonders!

[He speeds out of the tornado. Just as Sonic throws out another ring, Eggman activates his laser again, blowing Sonic through the portal. In Royal Woods, where it has become night and in front of the Loud house, the other end opens and Sonic falls through it, landing on the asphalt, ruffled and defeated. His ring pouch slides along the road, out of the hedgehog's reach. From inside the Loud house, Ronnie Anne sees the ring through the window]

Ronnie Anne: Sonic?

[She and the rest of the Loud family leave the house towards the sidewalk and see Sonic lying on the street]

Luna: What happened?

Lynn: Is everything okay with him?

Lucy: Did he die?

Lily: Wonic?

Lincoln: [thinking] What happened to him?

[Lincoln looks down, sees the bag of rings and picks it up. The Eggmobile slowly exits the portal]

Eggman: MUHAHA!! You're an astonishing little creature! It'll be fun to take you back to the lab for a litany of invasive exploratory procedures. Any last words?

Sonic: N-no. [passes out]

Ronnie Anne: But we have.

Lincoln: Leave him alone, Eggman.

Eggman: WHOHOHOOO!! A pre-teen couple protecting a hedgehog? This is so cute. I hate cute things.

Sonic: W-what are you two doing?

[Sonic passes out again]

Eggman: Tell me, how are you two going to stop me?

Lincoln: It will not be alone.

[Royal Woods citizens begin to appear. Lori and Bobby arrives in a Casagrande Market's van]

Bobby: What's going on here?

Lori: It's him!

[The two get out of the van and see Eggman being surrounded by the citizens]

Lynn Sr.: You want to catch the Hedgehog, you're going to have to go through me.

Rita: And me.

Clyde: And me.

Albert: And me.

Mrs. Johnson: And me.

Scoots: And me, moustache.

Lori: And me.

Bobby: And me.

Officer Schoffner: [points a gun at Eggman] And me.

Crazy Carl: [raises a chainsaw] It messed with the Blue Devil, it messed with Royal Woods!

Lincoln: [whispers to Ronnie Anne] Come with me, I have a plan.

[The two go inside the Loud house]

Eggman: [chuckles] YOUR FOOLS!! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME??!!

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne go through the portal and jump on the Eggmobile, without Eggman noticing]

Eggman: I will take the power of this hedgehog and conquer the world, even if I kill you all!!

Lincoln: Hi!

Eggman: WHAT THE...?!

Ronnie Anne: "¡Sorpresa!"

[She punches Eggman in the face]

Eggman: You two…

[With two mechanical arms of the Eggmobile, Eggman grabs them by the neck]

Eggman: You really were meant for each other. So much so that they're going to die together now.

Lincoln: You wouldn't have the courage to kill us.

Eggman: Are you doubting me?

[The mechanical arms tighten the necks of Lincoln and Ronnie Anne a little more]

Ronnie Anne: Y-you should learn to shut up.

Lincoln: I know.

Lynn Sr.: ROBOTNIK, Let go of my son!!

Bobby: And my sister too!!

Eggman: [chuckles] How can you stop me? You only have one gun and one chainsaw! They'll get what they deserve for disrupting my plans, and the only one who can stop me is passed out!! Where was I? Oh, yes, I was choking you both. [to Lincoln and Ronnie Anne] Any last words?

Lincoln: L-Let her go.

Eggman/Ronnie Anne: What?

Lincoln: I just want to save Sonic.

Eggman: Sonic's fate already sealed, I want to know why I should spare her life.

Lincoln: The idea of jumping on the Eggmobile was all mine, she only accompanied me because I called her. I deserve to die, not her.

Ronnie Anne: Why are you doing this Lincoln?

Eggman: Really Lincoln, why are you doing this for her? Say Lincoln.

[Lincoln looks seriously at Eggman]

Eggman: SAY!

[Lincoln still looks seriously at Eggman]

Eggman: Wants to know? There's no need to say, I think I know what it is.

Lincoln: And what is it then?

Eggman: Love.

Ronnie Anne: [surprised] What? Lincoln Loud has secretly fallen in love with me? Well, we already kissed once. But what you said. Now you've gone crazy... [to Lincoln] Isn't that right, Lincoln?

[Lincoln still looks seriously at Eggman]

Eggman: He will not say because he is afraid of not being reciprocated. Even though you two are best friends, Lincoln feels that you are his soulmate, as you both have several things in common, in addition to both having a very good and long-standing friendship. [to Lincoln] Isn't that right, Lincoln Loud?

[Lincoln stops looking seriously at Eggman and lowers his head with his eyes closed]

Lincoln: [sigh] Just please... let her go.

Eggman: [whispers to Lincoln] Because of you... she's going to die too.

[Mechanical arms tighten around Lincoln and Ronnie Anne's necks again]

Bobby: Officer Schoffner, can't you just shoot him in the head?

Officer Schoffner: I can't, I can end up hitting the kids.

Bobby: Dang it. [to Sonic, still passed out] Sonic! You need to wake up now!

Lynn Sr.: [to Sonic] They need your help!

Rita: [to Sonic] Especially now!

Lincoln: [short of breath] H-help, Sonic!

Ronnie Anne: [short of breath] S-Sonic, wake up!

[Sonic wakes and gets up]

Sonic: Let... them... go, Eggman.

Eggman: Why? You don't even have the strength to stand.

[Sonic begins to have lightnings through the body]

Sonic: Let... them... go... NOW!!!!

[The lightnings around Sonic increase. Eggman loose Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, and holds the mechanical arms. Eggman is surprised by the power of Sonic]

Lincoln: He's all yours. [whispers to Ronnie Anne] Come on.

[They get out of the way]

Officer Schoffner: Everyone, get back!

[All of Royal Woods' residents step away, safely out of Eggman's line of fire]

Sonic: I think you have something that belongs to me.

[The hedgehog makes a fist, lightning flies from the Eggmobile to Sonic's fist. Eggman struggles a bit, until the glass around the quill inside the machine breaks, disabling it]

Sonic: This is my power. And I'm not using it to run away anymore. I'm using it to protect... my... friends!

[Several rockets appear along the rims of the ship and laser pointers crawl over the asphalt, towards their target. Sonic gets down on his hands and knees, both of them are ready]

Eggman: You're mine, Hedgehog!

Sonic: You'll never catch me!

[After a moment, the doctor makes his move. The rockets fly away to Sonic, who evades them and launches himself against the Eggmobile. He reaches the accompanying wall, bounces of it and attacks again. He goes on and on, ricocheting around the ship in a haze of blue. Eventually, he slides back to his starting position. The Eggmobile is severly damaged]

Eggmobile Computer: System error! System error! System error!

Eggman: Now you've done it!

Sonic: Guess what, Eggman?! I'm not leaving Royal Woods, you are! [to Lincoln] Lincoln?

[Lincoln takes a ring and creates a new portal. Both Sonic and Eggman speed towards each other. Sonic, in his ball form, hurls himself against the nose of the ship, completely wrecking it. The impulse causes the doctor and his device to fly through the ring, to the Death Egg. Eggman screams as the portal closes. Sonic's powers gradually dim down and the lightning disappears. The crowd cheers. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne run back to their friend]

Lincoln: Yeah, you did it.

Sonic: No. WE did it.

[Sonic and Lincoln greet each other with a High Five]

Lincoln: I think these belong to you.

[Lincoln returns the bag of rings to Sonic]

Sonic: Thank you very much.

Lincoln: And don't throw people off the top of a skyscraper.

Sonic: You know I can't promise that.

Lincoln: You did well, hedgehog.

Sonic: Thanks, "Ultra Instinct".

[Everyone starts laughing]

Sonic: I think someone wants to talk to you.

[The two look at Ronnie Anne]

Sonic: [whispers to Lincoln] Good luck.

[He goes to the Loud family]

Lincoln: [whispers to Sonic] Wait... Sonic.

Ronnie Anne: Hey.

Lincoln: [a little clumsy] So... What do you want to talk about?

Ronnie Anne: It's about that moment on the Eggmobile.

Lincoln: Oh..

Ronnie Anne: Were you going to die for me?

[Lincoln starts to feel embarrassed]

Lincoln: [embarrassed] Well…

Lynn: [by far] Kiss her, you coward!!

Sonic: [by far] I'm waaaaaaaaaaaitiiiiiiiiiing!!

Lincoln: [embarrassed] Shut up!!

Ronnie Anne: [chuckles] I guess I was wrong, you're not as scared as I thought.

Lincoln: [embarrassed] Uh... Thanks.

Ronnie Anne: And one more thing. Was what Dr. Eggman said true? You love Me?

Lincoln: [embarrassed] A-as well? As a f-friend or…

Ronnie Anne: Or…

Lincoln: [embarrassed] Or... as a girlfr…

[Ronnie Anne interrupts Lincoln by putting her finger in his mouth...]

Ronnie Anne: [repeating what Dr. Eggman said] Wants to know? There's no need to say, I think I know what it is.

[... pulls Lincoln by the shirt to her and kisses him on the lips]

Lincoln's sisters: Aww…

Sonic: Yeah... It makes up for what I missed at the restaurant that day.

[Bobby receives a message on his cell phone. It is his mother, Maria, warning that he and Ronnie Anne should return to Great Lakes City]

Bobby: I have to go, Babe. [kisses Lori on the cheek] I'll call you later.

[Bobby walks over to the Casagrande market van]

Lori: Goodbye, Boo-Boo Bear.

[Bobby gets into the van and starts honking]

Bobby: [inside the van] Ronnie Anne, let's go!!

Ronnie Anne: I'm going! [to Lincoln] Someday we'll finish that game, okay?

Lincoln: [embarrassed] O-okay.

[Ronnie Anne walks towards the van...]

Ronnie Anne: Smell you later... Lame-o.

[... and gets into the van]

Lincoln: Goodbye... Ronnie Anne.

[The Casagrande Market's van leaves. Sonic goes to Lincoln]

Sonic: So, what has happened now?

Lincoln: I don't know, it looks like she's changed, she hates being kissed in public.

Sonic: But it was she who kissed you.

Lincoln: Exactly! That was very strange.

Sonic: Yeah, very strange. When's wedding day, Lincoln?

Lincoln: [visibly blushing and a little irritated] Ha-ha, very funny.

Sonic: 🎵"Ronnie and Lincoln sitting in a tree…"🎵 [giggles] 🎵"K-I-S-S-I-N-G."🎵 [giggles]

Lincoln: [visibly blushing and a little irritated] Wow, how much maturity.

Sonic: But seriously, when will the two start dating?

Lincoln: [visibly blushing and a little irritated] Won't you stop?

Sonic: Okay, okay. [chuckles] I stopped now.

Lynn Sr.: [by far] WHAT HAPPENED TO MY VAN??!!

Sonic: Who's going to tell him partly that Eggman detonated the van?

[The two begin to laugh]

Sonic: [narrating] From that moment on, my life had changed for the better.

[One week later. Sonic runs through Royal Woods and greets the citizens]

Sonic: Hi, Officer Schoffner!

Officer Schoffner: Hi Sonic! Slow down, or you'll get a traffic ticket!

Sonic: Okay!

[Sonic sees Clyde walking down the sidewalk]

Sonic: Hi, One-Eyed Jack!

Clyde: Hi, Blue Blur!

Sonic: [narrating] I could finally stop hiding, because everyone knew about me, and accepted the idea of ​​a superSonic blue hedgehog who talks about living among them.

[Sonic arrives at the Loud house, and sees Luna and Sam playing guitar in the garage]

Sonic: Hi, Luna. Hi, Sam. Cool jams.

Sam: Thank you Sonic. We were actually making a song for you.

Sonic: Wow! I thank you for making a song for me.

Luna: The name of the song will be "The Fastest Thing Alive".

Sam: Yeah, and the refrain is like this, listen.

[The two begin to play their instruments]

Sam: ♫ "Sonic, He can really move;" ♫

Luna: ♫ "Sonic, He's got an attitude;" ♫

Luna/Sam: ♫ "Sonic…" ♫

Luna: ♫ "He's the fastest thing alive..." ♫

Sam: ♫ "He's the fastest thing alive..." ♫

Sonic: ♫ "He's the fastest thing alive!" ♫

Luna/Sam: Yeah!!!

Luna: Rock n Roll, guys!

Sonic: The lyrics are amazing, girls! When they finish let me know so I can see the two sing.

Luna: Okay, dude.

[Sonic enters the house and goes to Lynn, who has a stopwatch timer]

Sonic: Hey Lynn, how long has it been?

Lynn: According to the timer, you ran through the entire town in 25 seconds.

Sonic: WOO-HOO!!! [doing the floss] World record!

[Lincoln, on the second floor of the house, sees Sonic and runs to the attic door]

Lincoln: [whispers] Is ready?

Lisa: [whispers] Affirmative, Male Sibling.

Lincoln: [whispers] Okay, I'm going to bring him.

[Lisa closes the attic door]

Lynn: Can you be the fastest swimmer in the world?

Sonic: No, I hate swim.

[Lincoln goes down the stairs]

Sonic: Hi Linc.

Lincoln: Hi Sonic! What are you doing here?

Sonic: I came to see how long I run for the entire Royal Woods.

Lincoln: Cool. Come on, we have a surprise for you.

Sonic: Wait, how do WE?

Lincoln: The whole family has created a surprise that you will enjoy.

Sonic: Uh... Okay!

[The two go up the stairs]

Sonic: So, where's the surprise?

Lincoln: In the attic.

Sonic: Let's go!

[The two enter the attic]

The Loud Family: SURPRISE!!!!

Sonic: Oh, my…

[Sonic sees in the attic all his things from his cave]

Sonic: Are you kidding me? I can't believe it... How did you... It's... It's all here... Look at this! Are you kidding? And the beanbag?! No way! Oh-ho-ho! How did you even get this... And you got it all the way over... Oh!

[Sonic runs happily through the attic]

Sonic: [happy] I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it!

Lincoln: Well, welcome home.

Sonic: Thank you... so much.

[Lynn and Luna enter the attic]

Lynn: Did we miss something?

[Everyone starts laughing, then the outside of the Loud house appears]

Sonic: [narrating] I'm Sonic, a little blue hedgehog with extraordinary super speed powers, who is chased by a crazy mustached scientist, and has several friends who live in a small town in the northeast United States! And you may be asking yourself, "Has this hedgehog's life improved?" I reply to you, "I'm living the best life a hedgehog can have! I wanted friends and fate gave me a family! And there's nothing that can ruin my new life."

[Meanwhile in the Death Egg...]

Orbot: Uh... Boss, Are you fine?

Eggman: If I'm fine? If I'm fine?! [angry] I almost lost my entire fleet of state-of-the-art robots trying to catch a hedgehog, and you ask if I'm fine?!! I WANT TO SEE YOU ASK IF I AM FINE WHEN I DISASSEMBLY YOU WHOLE, YOUR PRINTABLE OLD CAN!!!

Orbot: [scared] O-okay, boss.

[Orbot leaves]

Eggman: You may have beaten me now Sonic, but don't forget that your archenemy is Doctor Eggman. So get ready, because soon, your powers will be mine and I will take over the world!!!

[The outside of the Death Egg appears]

Eggman: MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

THE END

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #288

“i never believed the devil was real, but god couldn’t make someone filthy as you”

When was the last time you drove or travelled for over an hour? Where did you go? Around a month back, I rode with Mom and my sister to my mom’s doc appointment. When you get old, are you going to let your hair go gray or dye it instead? Haha, I don’t see my desire to dye my hair wild colors ever fading. What genre was the last book you read? Was it any good? Fantasy. It was very good. Did you ever wear braces on your teeth? Yes. What’s your favorite condiment to have with sausages or hot dogs (or the vegetarian equivalent)? I just have ketchup and mustard. Which fictional character can you relate to the most? Is this a character from film, TV or a book? I dunno, there’s just so many to dig through. I’ve never felt a *strong* connection to any. Do you groom your eyebrows? If so, how? Not really anymore. Do you own any photo albums? Are they dedicated to special occasions or just a random selection of photos? We have old ones stored in a cabinet somewhere. I haven’t looked at them in a long time, but I think they’re loosely bound by time periods. What’s your favorite meal of the day - breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Breakfast, for sure. Who was the last person you texted? How do you know that person? Sara. She’s my best friend. What was the reason behind the last time you shouted or raised your voice? It wasn’t severe at all, but I raised my voice to tell Roman to stop clawing at the carpet. Are you a citizen of more than one country? Would you ever use that advantage to move abroad? No. Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? If so, which one is your favorite? I barely started The Fault in Our Stars, and that’s it. I’m quite sure I would if I actually read them, though. Are you a protective person? UM ONLY JUST SLIGHTLY. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No. There’s been very, very mild ones here, and the one “big” one (which, mind you, was only big enough to make the pool water barely tremble) that’s happened in my lifetime I wasn’t even home for; I was hours away at the zoo. According to Facebook outrage much more recently, my area experienced a teeny-tiny one, but I sure didn’t feel it. Are you a fan of penguins? Omg yes, such darlings. So intelligent, too. I particularly love emperor penguins. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. Are you a good painter? I’ve been told so. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? I’ve never been in this position. When was the last time you met someone for the first time? Ummm I dunno. Maybe Nicole’s ex? Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No and no. I hate the taste of both. Squishy and just… ew. Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? Being the cheapest, probably McDonald’s? I usually get a double cheeseburger and small or medium fry. Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? Nah. I mean their claws can hurt, but it’s all worth a dog’s love, haha. What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? I pet my cat Roman last. How would you describe your sense of humor? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? Seeing as I don’t even find myself funny, idk how to answer that. I don’t believe I’ve ever offended anyone with a joke. When was the last time you cried - what caused it? It was literally last night when I was really deeply thinking about stuff I’ve been running from. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? You can’t beat the original ruffled kind, imo. Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavors do you like? I love fruit juice, but you’ll never see me even try vegetable juice. I enjoy lots of fruit ones: mango (my favorite), pineapple, strawberry, watermelon, orange, apple… Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? If you mean via a call and not texting, that would be my psychiatrist. I met him during my partial hospitalization. He helped save my life. Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Jesse McCartney /swoons. Now I’m a l l about Mark Fischbach like jesus fucking Christ lord- Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? It’s closed. What’s your favorite love movie? The Notebook. Afraid of heights? Kinda, yeah. Do you take a vitamin daily? Not daily, no, but I have to take Vitamin D once a week. Wal-Mart, Target, or K-Mart? Wal-Mart. Is K-Mart even still around? Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos; I don’t really like the latter. Are you patient? N O P E, not unless it’s really called for. Which are better black or green olives? I hate olives. Black aren’t as awful, though. Who was your high school crush? Ha, Jason surpassed “crush” by a lighyear. Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No to both, but I’ve had my Facebook hacked. Nothing too bad happened. Do you prefer the company of people or animals? Animals, for sure. I need human company sometimes too, though. When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? A few years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. The water felt fucking incredible, so I swam a lot, and then I just chilled with her, her husband, and their then-infant son under the umbrella. I still got insane sun poisoning, though. What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? 1-2%. Skim is gross and whole is too thick. When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? That witchy photoshoot I mentioned in I think the last survey. Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? Ugh, no. Too much effort and usually not very comfortable. See above answer for the second part. What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? I think the latter would embarrass me more. What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Being alone with only your head for “sound.” And if you’re in solitary, odds are your head isn’t in a good place, so it just makes it worse. How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? Idk, but I know I learned it the “wrong” way first from Dad. It always annoyed Mom because they weren’t tight enough, apparently. Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? For the most part, honestly not really. I love SEEING places decorated, but hate doing it myself. So much effort for sometimes not even a month’s worth of enjoyment. Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-thru? I prefer the drive-thru. Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? Yeah, even if there may be a bit of pain here and there. It feels nice afterwards. Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? YIKES, NO. When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I probably haven’t since I was a baby. How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? Idr, but I know I was waaaay late to the party. I’ve had the same since the start, though. Are you a fan of Reddit? What are some of your favorite subreddits? I’ve never used it. Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? EW EW EW EW NO. They gross me the FUCK out. What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Hmmm… I only know vice-versa, really. I loved peas as a baby, but now it’s a “fuck no” from me, man. Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Bare feet, at least where it makes sense. Are you currently in the second story of a building? No; my house doesn't have a second floor. Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? Ozzy. Have you ever written or drew something on a dollar bill? No. What was your favorite childhood game to play with your friends? We played lots of things, but I guess "Categories" in the pool probably wins. Basically the person on one end of the pool had to guess somebody on the other side's favorite in a certain topic, and if they guessed it right, you raced the other person to the opposite side. Whoever got there fastest was the next guesser. Where did you get your favorite pet from? My favorite pet of all time, my old dog Teddy, we got as a puppy from a friend of a friend. Her cocker spaniel had a massive litter and adopted the babies out. Have you ever called animal control on anyone? Not me personally, no. I think my mom did when our childhood neighbor's two rottweilers got loose and killed at least one of our kittens of the time; she was livid because it wasn't the first time they got out and attacked our cats, and of course us kids were absolutely devastated. I think they got off with a warning. Do you prefer wearing hoodies to coats? Yeah, especially slightly oversized. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? No, it's just a black tank top. Have you ever been to another continent? No. Do you ever go out of your way to avoid someone? Not really. What was your last voicemail about? I don't even have a voicemail set up, so. Are you currently wearing a belt?I haven't worn belts since high school. How much was gas the last time you looked? I think $1.99. Is there someone who would support you no matter what? My mom, probably. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?I REALLY don't want to think about this one. Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you’re old enough to? I very rarely order one, but I don't really get carded for drinks at restaurants anymore. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Not that I know of. Do you kiss on the first date? This would depend on a lot of things. Odds are though, no. When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? I've got no clue. How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I love her. Describe your current mood: Hopeless. Confused. Aimless. Exasperated. Just depressed. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I mean, somewhat, but also not really. I don't believe life exists by chance, so whoever/whatever made that decision obviously had some reason - but not for each person in particular, I believe. I highly doubt something/someone thought out extravagant stories for every single thing that lives. I believe we give ourselves a reason. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Absolutely nothing, off the top of my head. What were you doing 10 years ago? I woulda been 14, almost 15... so starting high school. I was in school with actual goals and confidence I'd do great in life, despite my depression being in full swing. Did you ever have a MySpace? Yup... Still remember Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine" was the song on my meerkat-slathered page too, haha. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don't believe in breaks, period. You don't turn love on and off. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes, what’s your content? Yeah, but it's not one that seriously produces content. Its primary purpose is just to like, favorite, and rarely comment on stuff while having recommendations catered to my interests. I used to make GMV/AMV-type things and mostly Meerkat Manor tributes, as well as various MEP parts because BOY could I only accomplish very short videos. I no longer have "professional" video editing software (I'd always pirated it before, anyway...) nor the necessary motivation and patience to make them anymore. Are you a math person? Heeeeeeeell no. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? No to both. When do you think things will be normal again? Who the fuck knows. It'll probably be a couple years, at least. Do you watch anime? If I'm watching television, yeah, I like some animes. Do you like TikTok? Never used it. Do you ever miss Vine? YO Vine was fuckin FUNNY If you're in school, are you doing it on Zoom or in class? I'm not in school, so. But if I was and in-person classes were expected, guess who the fuck isn't going with how serious I am about social distancing. Lives come before education. Would you ever have a pet rat? I've had a handful, but I don't think I will again. Their cages require so much cleaning, and they need more socialization than I'm able to provide. I fucking adore them, though. Favorite memory with your best friend? It's weird, we've "seen" each other for only like, a month's collective time, and I'm not sure of my answer because there's so many. Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? No. Have you ever “dined and dashed”? No, I never could. Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? No. Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don't think so. Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? Fuck no. Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? N/A, but I wouldn't. Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? No. Have you ever lied during a job interview? Me? Social? People person? Well duh, of course I am. Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? No, that's awful. Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wouldn't want your parents to see? Actually no. Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off? No. Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? Absolutely not. I liked writing papers anyway and am very serious about creative honesty. Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF’s family? N/A If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? Well, what's the job? Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. The only thing I ever did to his car was decorate it for his birthday lmao. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't think so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. The guilt otherwise would be unbearable. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? I wouldn't put me past it lately. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? I hate my body so fuckin much that I'll take the first, please. Have you ever used a false ID? Nope. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to admit I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? Oh my god no, I'd have to stop to break the fuck down. Ever lie about you (or your kids') age to get a discount? Ha, I'm sure my parents would sometimes at restaurants when I was young. Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? A LOT. Have you gotten close to anyone recently? Not really. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but I can assure you it probably wasn't nice lmao. Have you ever gotten a D or F on your report card? Not until college. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? No. What are you listening to? "Radio" by Rammstein is on atm. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? Maybe as a kid. But that might'a been on purpose, lol. Are you scared of spiders? To a degree. Like, I want a few tarantulas but will scream and jump five feet the moment I see a huge spider beside me unexpectantly. I think they are very, very fascinating and important, but I also prefer to give them distance. Unless I have a camera in hand, haha. Do you think that crying is a form of weakness? Absolutely not. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? Yeah. Last person to call you? Some number from Mississippi??????????? Ever feel like you have been replaced? Oh yes.

[pickledchickenetti]

Without a Crystal Ball’s alleged Derick Dillard interview

I don’t know how trustworthy I consider this woman given her claims of interviews often seem to back out of appearing on camera at the last minute, but here’s a recap of what she claims she’s been told by Derick. Sorry for the length and the change of tense midway through. This video is mind-numbing.

She claims she wanted to be able to do this with Derick speaking himself but instead she’s going to summarize their conversations via email and Twitter DMs. She reached out to Derick in response to comments he made in Dec/Jan about Counting On and JB/the Duggars. She plugs her earlier video talking about his tweets, then summarizes the events since Joshgate 1.0. 

Her summary of Joshgate 1.0 honestly made me pretty uncomfortable. She tiptoes around the subject of what happened, and almost seems like she things the Duggars were victimized by In Touch getting them cancelled. She uses this to pivot to Jill being a victim (of In Touch, she says she was a “target” of Josh), and talks about the Megyn Kelly interview, calling it “awkward”. According to “Derick”, while 19 Kids and Counting ceased, the contract with Jim Bob did not stop or change. Then she explains what Counting On is, and repeats Derick’s claim from twitter that they were never paid. She makes it sound like their wedding and Israel’s birth were part of the show in which “their names were part of the title”, even though in reality those events were both part of 19KAC. She repeats his twitter claims that JB was the only one getting paid and told them they had donated their time to part of the “mission work” of the family.

She talks about Israel’s birth and repeats Derick’s since-deleted tweets about TLC refusing to pay any of the hospital costs. She continues to muddy the timeline, making it sound like Israel’s birth special was a part of Jill & Jessa: Counting On. Then she reiterates how Derick’s story has never changed over the years, which is blatantly false considering how many times he has contradicted himself in the same month even. 

Then she moves on to comments Derick has made on instagram (so far I haven’t heard this woman say anything that we haven’t already seen on social media or reasonably extrapolated). She says that “Derick” said that “Jill had not wanted to film Counting On after the release of the information that had identified her as one of her brother’s victims. He said that she was forced to film by the threat or under the guise of legal action, that she was required by a contract to film.” Finally, as he said on twitter, they decided that filming was too hard on them and they decided not to continue. 

Now she appears to actually be pulling up the “messages” from Derick, so I guess all of that was acting like she was saying something new when she wasn’t. I don’t like this woman’s video style at all. 

She asked Derick what are some of the misconceptions “that the family, or the public, I’d say the public has about him”. “He got really candid here. He said when it comes to modesty, which is a big part of the Duggars’ show about how women wear skirts, they have long hair, and making sure that they dress without showing a lot of skin... He wrote, ‘I don’t think it’s wrong for girls to wear pants, get piercings, or have short hair. I will encourage my kids, girls or boys, to identify their passions and pursue them even if that requires higher education.’ 

He said one of the most prevailing misconceptions about him is that he does not like individuals that are in the LGBTQ+. He said ‘Regarding those misconceptions I love all people, including LGBTQ+. My little brother, our fraternity, in our fraternity in college, he is gay. And I still continue to keep up with him, and he is my friend. He’s also publicly noted on twitter, at the same time, that he does like all people, and he does not discriminate. Although he has made tweets in the past about Jazz that has prompted so much of that response by the public. 

Then one of the other misconceptions is that Derick and Jill are against drinking because Jim and Michelle do not drink. He said, on alcohol, he said, ‘I don’t think it’s a sin to drink alcohol, but it’s still illegal under the age of 21, so I will always encourage my kids not to break the law, and they will have to decide where they stand on it after that. However I don’t believe it’s appropriate to drink to drunkenness. The Bible is pretty clear about that.’ But when I asked him, does that mean you have consumed alcohol, he said, ‘I have.’ He didn’t say whether or not Jill has, and I would say, based on the fact that he did not answer, I’m guessing Jill might have not...” 

Then she shifted to briefly explaining IBLP, which has “questionable teachings” and a homeschool curriculum. She says that Bill Gothard “is not a God, but he claims to be one on TV.” (Can anyone else fact check this? I’ve never even seen him on TV yet alone claiming he’s a god.) She talks about his lawsuit for “a variety of inappropriate conduct” and how that resulted in him being forced out of IBLP. She asked Derick about IBLP and he said he didn’t know much about them but that they teach extra-biblical precepts as truth and he considers that harmful. His example of them being wrong was modesty. Allegedly “Derick” said, “Some stuff with the ILBP [sic] is definitely harmful, but we don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. The Bible is our ultimate authority. God’s word has been around infinitely longer than Bill Gothard and God isn’t worried about needing defense. What people need to realize is that times change but God doesn’t.” He says it’s okay to “be relevant” in somethings while maintaining your faith. He allegedly says that IBLP has too many rules and too many rules are unhealthy. She then literally says that “now we know” that Derick and his family aren’t following IBLP and “there’s some tea”, as if anyone assumed that Jill Dillard with her shorts and nose ring was still a member of IBLP. 

Onto public school and Israel’s enrollment. “Derick” claims they considered both public and homeschooling and there was no specific reason they picked public school, just what felt right. 

Next, courting, where she says Derick continued with the party line that they chose not to hold hands, hug, etc. on their own, not because of Duggar rules. She acknowledges the possibility that Jill didn’t decide those things, they were just “indoctrinated into her”, but she didn’t get into that with Derick.

“Now to the juicy stuff that all of you guys are here for.” I literally can’t stand this woman and for whatever reason her saying that just pissed me off more. 

She didn’t discuss any of the Jazz stuff with him, but she let him know that “someone” made her video with Amy come down. (Not sure how these things are supposed to be related?) She asked if this was something Derick had experienced, with threats of being sued. She says that Derick said he wished Amy could speak to what she wants to, but “Amy is controlled by other people, and we weren’t even allowed to be the first to announce our own life events. Our marriage, expecting our baby, our genders of our children, our births, not by our own choice.” Apparently that gives this woman “a lot of insight”, but I’m not really sure what she thinks it gave her insight on. Obviously all of these people are under contracts and have no control. She says that “Derick” said if he had to do it all over again he’d have made his own announcements even if he’d have gotten in trouble. She says that Derick that plugged his blog and said that more info will come out over time as he “feels more comfortable”, but that they’re still recovering over the last few years and that Jill is still in the middle of a lawsuit over releasing info to InTouch. 

“Now to get to the estrangement,” she asked him what made him finally speak out about it. She says the Duggars are following her channel but when SHE mentioned that they weren’t interacting much with the Dillards they “suddenly” wished Derick a happy birthday. (Literally everyone was commenting on that and you can’t “suddenly” wish someone a happy birthday.) She thinks her video made them invite Jinger to that Panera and Target day the day before because she said something about it and also Homeland Security is investigating Josh. (Also Derick announced that they weren’t allowed at the house.) “Derick” says it’s not true that they don’t want to be around Jill’s family at all but there are some people they don’t get along with or feel comfortable around. Supposedly he commented because he didn’t want rumors to be taken as truth. 

Now she’s circling back to Jill being “forced” to film. “Derick” says they’ve been seeing a licensed counselor and it helps. The book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and their counseling have both really helped. Then she repeats a bunch of her earlier opinions. She says that she things Joshgate 1.0 was the fault of JB and Michelle, not the police, and that a lot of people have let Jill down. 

Apparently she and Derick then touched on his “advocacy for children” but he’d go more into that later. She mentions he’s in law school but that he wouldn’t say why. She thinks it’s in it to protect others. 

“Finally” she asked “Derick” how they plan to raise their children differently. “Derick” said, “Neither of us are bitter about how we were raised.” Now she’s recapping much of what she already said once again. She says that “Derick has been pretty vocal that they do use birth control,” which he really has not at all been. He’s made like maybe two vague comments possibly suggesting that? More recapping of what she already said, with a bit more of her opinions of what she thinks they want even though supposedly Derick answered her questions. She (or “Derick”, she’s starting to blur lines here) says it’s important not trust social media as the only thing you know about someone as it isn’t always 100% accurate. 

Now she’s plugging their blog and social media. She’s thanking Derick for his candor and trust and she looks forward to hearing from him again in the future. 

Good God this woman is annoying. That was hard to get through. 

[daggerzine]

You Gotta Lose? Hell, Some Of Us Ain’t Dead Yet by Mary Leary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0fz3FVBlOE

NRBQ has done so many amazing songs. I never thought much about “Roll Call,” from Tiddlywinks - for one thing, it has a lighter, almost Billy Joel sound that’s more about latter day Terry Adams style than what I think of as the classic Q. Yet just as Adams’ work has grown on me, this track has made its way into my consciousness. The lyrics speak to me more in 2020 than they did when Tiddlywinks was released in 1980, before the D.C.-area music scene had lost Robert Goldstein (Urban Verbs), Kevin MacDonald (brilliant visual artist and scene stalwart who helped me design and layout [The] Infiltrator), Danny Gatton disciple/guitar maverick Evan Johns, bassist Michael Maye from the original H-Bombs, Rick Dreyfuss (Half Japanese/Chumps/Shakemore), Libby Hatch and Michael Mariotte  (Tru Fax and the Insaniacs), Sally Be/Berg - REM/Egoslavia/SHE/Robert Palmer), Nurses member Marc Halpern (heroin, 1982), Lorenzo (Pee- Wee) Jones (Tiny Desk Unit) and hybrid rocker Jim Altman (HIV, 1990s).  Goldstein, Dreyfuss, Maye and MacDonald succumbed to cancer, while Evan Johns’ deterioration followed years of touring, hard drinking and pushing himself past the limit.

(Top to bottom: Tommy Keene, Kevin MacDonald, Susan Mumford)

Those named above have been joined by Tommy Keene (the Rage/the Razz/solo/Paul Westerberg/Matthew Sweet - cardiac arrest at the age of 59; 2017), TDU’s Susan Mumford (cancer, 2018), David Byers (Psychotics/H.R./Bad Brains), and Skip Groff (Yesterday and Today/ Limp Records/Dischord - seizure, 2019).  This is just an imperfect/incomplete naming of D.C.-area losses - I’m sure journalists from other cities could make lists. A horde of New Wave and early alternative musicians have died within the past few years. Whether through the stress of hard living/poverty, substance abuse, cancer or Covid-19, we’re seeing artists pass much earlier than I, anyway, expected them to.

(Top to bottom: Fred "Freak” Smith, Michael Maye with Evan Johns, Tru Fax and the Insaniacs)

We’re already past the loss of all the original Ramones. All the Cramps less Poison Ivy. Joe Strummer. Robert Quine. Hilly Kristal. Lou Reed. As of July, 2020, since 2018 we’ve also lost Andy Gill, Ivan Kral, Genesis P-Orridge, Adam Schlesinger, Danny Mihm, Ric Ocasek, Daniel Johnston, Kim Shattuck, Lorna Doom, Mark Hollis, Keith Flint, Ranking Roger, Mark E. Smith, Glenn Branca, Randy Rampage, Hardy Fox, Pete Shelley, Matthew Seligman, Bill Rieflin, Dave Greenfield, Florian Schneider,  Ian Dury, Benjamin Orr, Kirsty McColl and David Roback.

(Top to bottom: Sally Be/Berg, Ranking Roger, Danny Mihm)

Talking about the deaths of talented, gifted creatives is a helluva way to start a column. But here we are. Older performers don’t always get the attention afforded newer, so the rest of this piece shares and celebrates artists from the original New Wave/punk scenes who are still around and active. Many are from the D.C.-area cornucopia I know best, while others have just come to my attention, or seem especially noteworthy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MED9_XK_JVQ

The Zeros’ Javier Escovedo has been steadily emitting tasty Americana-ish rock while occasionally dropping some Zeros sturm-’n’-drang - most recently with Munster Records single “In The Spotlight” and a track on Burger Records’ Quarantunes compilation. Quarantunes is a seven-album affair featuring 140 alternative/punk performers old and new, all of whom wrote songs between March-April 2020. A cursory listen to Volume 2 reveals the recorded version of a good night at a very wild bar, with Zeros still handily kicking ass of all ages.

https://velvetmonkeys.bandcamp.com/album/legacy-of-success?fbclid=IwAR0lJyS0YDE4e3o7LJiITEtw1lhBWMkUX47Vuag1Lf9fs2QozJJKD1lwkes

Velvet Monkeys/B.A.L.L. player and Sonic Youth/Teenage Fanclub producer Don Fleming reports, “We’ve put out new tracks ‘Theories of Rummanetics’ and ‘Legacy of Success.’ Jay has written a few ‘modules’ and Malcolm and I are having fun doing the music,” adding, “I play some electric six string on the new Rob Moss album - it’s fun to be on, with lots of guitar slingers from the DC daze.”

Yup, Rob Moss of Skin-Tight Skin has solicited contributions from Fleming and from Marshall Keith (Slickee Boys), along with a pile of talent including Stuart Casson (Psychotics/Dove/Meatmen), Franz Stahl (Foo Fighters/Scream), Billy Loosigian (Nervous Eaters, the Boom-Boom Band), Nels Cline (Wilco) and Saul Koll (the guy who made guitars for Henry Kaiser and Lee Ranaldo). The set is called We’ve Come Back To Rock ‘n’ Roll.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdIB8a_0Q4c

Chumps/Workdogs/Jam Messengers player Rob Kennedy apparently has too much energy to throw in the towel - he’s kept recording, performing and making various sorts of lo-fi, DIY mischief that never loses that fresh, ‘70s feeling. Jam Messengers released Night And Day on vinyl in 2017. One of my fave Kennedy tracks, “A Low Down Dirty Shame” speaks to this moment as well as any.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-CRBEGVLE4

Former Tiny Desk Unit/Fuji’s Navy/Rhoda & the Bad Seeds members Bob Boilen, Kevin Lay, Michael Barron and Bob Harvey have released a new Danger Painters joint, Thank Speak Love This Record. Lay joked, “I have a voice made for Morse Code” before revealing his recent work with Rhoda and the Bad Seeds material, released June 30 as Live at Nightclub 9:30. Boilen continues to introduce artists both vital and obscure via Tiny Desk Concerts and All Songs Considered/NPR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejQ1GajwfB0

I’ve seen David Arnson play recently and can attest to his proclivity for unfettered growth via Insect Surfers, the instrumental group that originally had some trouble establishing cred. with younger D.C. punks. The Surfers’ most recent release was Living Fossils (2019). Arnson celebrated the band’s 40 years of existence with a European tour in 2019.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SkIuWIZVkM

Jad Fair says, “Half Japanese will have a new album released in November on Fire Records.” Jad’s art was recently featured at the Hiromart Gallery/Tokyo, while David has created a Facebook page where fans can pick up his colorful images for, well, mere bags o’ shells, as far as we can see -  https://www.facebook.com/David-Fair-Painting-107055447700859/

Despite health issues for several members, Bad Brains has collaborated with Element to make BB themed skate wear https://www.elementbrand.com/mens-collection-bad-brains/ and added some killer live tracks to its YouTube channel.  

Former WGTB programmers John Paige and Steve Lorber have been presenting Rock Continuum on WOWD-LP FM 94.3 since 2017.

Mike Stax continues to give excellent motivation for hunting down a pair of Beatle boots - Munster released the Loons’ 7” EP, A Dream In Jade Green, last year. The latest issue of Ugly Things, said by Stax to be heavily focused on the Pretty Things’ Phil May, was reported in early July to be nearing publication.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6jSc7gEAv0

Razz (the) Documentary will tell the story of how an uncommonly combustible rock band - especially with the Bill Craig/Abaad Behram line-up - helped spread the Flamin’ Groovies gospel while throwing down oddly compelling originals and taking the two-guitar thing up several notches - the producers are purportedly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Whether anyone can ever recreate the experience of being in an altered state via obsessive, sometimes conversational repetition of certain chords, anchored by Ted Nicely rethinking just what can be done with a bass guitar, given girth by Doug Tull’s intuitive drumming; with Mike Reidy the heat-seeking missile somewhere near the center... well, I doubt it. ‘Cause at this point you’re feeling no pain and it’s not about drinking; there is no room for anything but water - the beer will be knocked over when you’re this busy matching David Arnson’s other-side-of-the-front-line’s leaps into joydum while PCP’d out yahoos from the sticks learn the hard way that hugging Marshall amps can lead to lifelong repercussions. There (in case nothing I want to say about [the] Razz makes it into the film) - I’ve said it.

Discussions among old friends have confirmed that I’m not alone in being happily surprised at this development - we never expected our actions - which led to the hardcore explosion that’s received a lot more attention... would ever make it into any history book. Yet coverage of many of the D.C.-area musicians featured in this piece also comes with Punk The Capitol, A History of D.C. Punk and Hardcore, 1976-1983. Spring 2021 is the projected date for streaming/DVD release.

Ivan Julian came back from a scary 2015 bout with cancer to do a show in New York in 2016. The cancer has returned. Friends have organized a GoFundMe to raise money for surgery and basic needs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDB_3by-xkI

The Shakemore fest also refuses to fade, promising “eight hours of streaming steaming video” on August 1. Sounds will be provided by R. Stevie Moore, Velvet Monkeys, Tav Falco’s Panther Burns, Half Japanese, Johnny Spampinato, Weird Paul and the Chumps, among many, many others.

Despite having played at CBGB and other alternative venues in 1979, at the height of the New Wave, Gary Wilson’s work is so distinctive, he’s rarely been included with any musical genre other than the oft-vague “experimental” category. Folks were too unmoored by his visceral performances to get behind him. Wilson’s 14th album, Tormented, was released by Cleopatra in February.

Paul Collins recently published a book that he wrote with Chuck Nolan; I Don’t Fit In: My Wild Ride Through the Punk and Power Pop Trenches with the Nerves and the Beat (Hozac Books).

As “Heath,” Michael Layne Heath, a journalist who contributed to (the) Infiltrator and many other ‘zines, published My Week Beats Your Year: Encounters with Lou Reed in May (Hat & Beard Press).

In April, X released its first album in 35 years; Alphabetland.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ1I-laItPI

As exciting for me as any of the above is Richard Hell with the Heartbreakers’ 2019 release of Yonkers Demo 1976. Hell’s “You Gotta Lose” is one of my picks for best punk/new wave singles of all time. The Heartbreakers version is, predictably, messier than the Robert Quine guitar-spiked classic. Its more excessive charms are growing on me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48QnsysCN_A

This piece could go on and on - compiling it has been exhausting. The best part has been the response to my social media call for any info I didn’t have re: the D.C.-centric scene I left for New York in 1983. Musicians anxious to keep their compadres’ names alive have hammered that post with 138 comments to date. Urban Verbs percussionist Danny Frankel, who’s played with a colorful spread of artists including Beck, Marianne Faithful, Lou Reed, John Cale and k.d. Lang, made a point of being sure I knew about the passing of Marc Halpern, a source of obvious pain. People were worried I wouldn’t mention John Stabb (Government Issue - 2016), rockabilly player Billy Hancock (2018), Fred “Freak” Smith (Strange Boutique/Beefeater - murdered in Los Angeles, 2017), John Hansen (Slickee Boys - 2010), record store owner/Wasp Records starter/music supporter Bill Asp, Jimmy Barnett of The Killer Bees, and David Byers.

One of the hardest for me to write about is Chris Morse, whose 1984 passing from a drug overdose wrenched so many - I managed to get an obituary into, I think, The New York Rocker (that physical trek was part of a long-ago blur; a very hot day of traipsing over steaming concrete in a narrow-skirted dress to deliver the copy). Chris popped up in my dreams for years - one “visitation” pushed me to write a poem about it in the ‘90s. Morse, who played in Rhoda & The Bad Seeds and worked as a doorman at The Pyramid after moving to NYC in the early ‘80s, was on one of the Urban Verbs’ early flyers. I’m on another.

(Top to bottom: Me in an early Verbs flyer/photo shot at the Atlantis; Chris Morse on another Verbs flyer)

I ended up getting so burnt out on the responsibility of populating this sad roll call, I’ve started a memorial page for them all on Facebook. The nature of truly alternative music is such that many of its lights still fail to fill the pages of major publications. Many of these lights gave a great deal of their lives, if not everything, for the art they believed in. It’s good to remember them, and those heady early days. It’s good to enjoy what we still can.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA3IfK76mmI

[overnightmillionaireprogramrevie]

Overnight Millionaire System Reviews

Overnight Millionaire System Review [Wesley Virgin] This Will Shut You Up

Thanks for your visit to my Overnight Millionaire review. But you know what, there's no point in believing what I'm going to say. Believe what Wesley Virgin says. Read on just a little bit and you'll see what I mean.

We don't see many 'legitimate' make-money-online products with the word millionaire in the title. Most of them falsely promise quick success, which would only attract, you know, "think-big-but-do-nothing" dreamers. Whereas many ordinary affiliate marketers (including myself) would often deny that kind of thing without even looking at it. Promoting millionairism? That's so extraordinary that it must be a BS. It's all about building up your business over time. There should be gradual steps to take to get there... Well, who am I kidding? Am I a millionaire? No. Then who am I trying to convince?

Overnight Millionaire System - What Is It?

"Life is not a lottery based on luck", he says.

Wesley Virgin is a multi-millionaire, he calls himself "Billion Dollar Virgin" and one of his well-known products is Fat Diminisher. He teaches his ethos - millionaire mindset - through his other products, and the Overnight Millionaire System is one of them.

"Ah, millionaire mindset. I know all that. If you want to be a millionaire, start thinking like one. It doesn't work. It'll never work." That's it, right there. That's why we (including myself!) are not moving forward much from where we are now.

Of course, this "system" will not spontaneously make you a millionaire. It is a system that made Wesley a millionaire, and he tells you all about it. Is there anything that you can learn from it? YES. This is not a theoretical "how-to" guide by some mysterious seller from ClickBank. Wesley is real, and he will guide you to have the right mental attitude, and teaches a lot of practical tips in selling products as an affiliate.

Overnight Millionaire System is sold for $20, but at your checkout you'll be given a 10% discount coupon code - this 10% will be used on a good cause. I'll tell you about it later.

What's Included?

10 x WHYs

Wesley asks you to write down why you want what you want. People are always after technical know-how. But Wesley says it doesn't matter HOW it's going to happen at the beginning. It's much more vital to clarify WHY you want to become a millionaire.

Audio Files

5-Sets of MP3 audio files "Overnight Mindset Hacks" to listen to for a minimum of 60 days - changes your unconscious mind for success and abundance.

Access to the "Millionaire Mindset Hacks"

The "Millionaire Mindset Hacks" includes video clips that are both motivational and educational, including;

How to come up with all the ideas that could potentially make you $1 million or more, and write them down.

How to visualize and reflect on having $1m in your bank account.

How to become a "high-value person" with a successful skill set that people value and will pay for.

It's important to listen to people who actually have $1 million or more saved up.

Create unshakable belief in yourself to keep pushing forward so you can see results faster.

How to find ways to create multiple streams of income in areas that already are in high demand.

Learn how to become a master at sales, marketing and persuasion as a newbie without reading a lot of books.

What Made Him Determined

Another video within the "Mindset Hacks" is Wesley's own emotional breakthrough story - he talks about his family and when he didn't have money. I know he's a great storyteller, but there was a moment that made him absolutely determined to be successful.

I personally think this 30-minute video is a must-watch. I'm sure Wes's story is relatable to many, and it makes me think, what's the point of life if you don't value yourself high? You are powerful. We all are. With the right mindset, you can do anything.

Upsells

There are plenty of upsells, including;

Affirmation Cash Course ($17) - Affirmations designed to harness the power of the law of attraction and positive thinking, for you to chant them. Wesley's extremely confident about this product, offering 365-day, 100% money-back guarantee. He even says he'd give you 3x your money back if you weren't happy.

Million Dollar Persuasion & Psychology Techniques ($9) - What makes a person buy or not buy. "Cognitive psychological triggers" to get your customer (or anyone, spouse or a child) with you without resistance.

But the most powerful one is "Unrevealed Secrets Of A Millionaire Mind" ($99). It's Wesley's 10-day course with some mind-boggling subjects including;

Day 3 - "Disconnect" - Why your friends and family are the reason you are unable to create the life you deserve. Basically, you may have to cut some people out of your life. You might say "What!? I can't do that to my friends! Who the hell are you to tell me...?" Then fine. You'll be stuck where you are, you see? I can't speak on behalf of Wesley. See what the multi-millionaire actually says.

Day 4 - "When a millionaire speaks...shut up!" - All you need to know about socializing with millionaires, even down to what to wear, what to take and what to trash.

Day 5 - "A Millionaire's Best Kept Secret" - True reasons why you've never been successful in your life. As mentioned earlier, it's not about "how", but it's a "why" mentality that matters.

Day 6 - "Sexual Transmutation" - This is a very interesting one. An ancient method (use your sexual desires to create wealth in life), proven to 95% of millionaires and successful entrepreneurs. With Wesley's personal experience.

Day 8 - "Wealth Fundamentals Were Never Taught In School" - College won't help you become the successful person you deserve to be. I absolutely agree with that. People who have the least knowledge of money are teachers. (No disrespect - I'm from that kind of background myself).

Day 10 - "Be A Giver" - why you must give in order to receive. Why sharing your wealth will make you even richer. This is another one of most wonderful things that Wesley has, and teaches.

Create Better Sales Page

Of course, the product is not just about affirmations, but he will also give you some tips to increase sales. He advises Amazon and ClickBank have the best products, and all the tips he provides are invaluable for every new internet marketing hopeful. For example;

The importance of becoming an expert in your chosen niche.

Wes's "million dollar formula" - address a problem, find out how many people have the problem, and create the solution.

Create ideas instead of having to chase "tricks".

As an affiliate, the key is to make your sales page better than the seller's original page.

Wesley Is Raw

I think the difference between Wesley and other online gurus/tutors is that Wesley talks to your heart from his heart. Don't get me wrong, I know there are thousands of other helpful tutors, who dedicate their heart and soul and whatever. This is hard to explain - Wesley's very raw. He's got nothing to hide. He talks a lot about himself but many of his stories are so relatable to us, he's essentially helping us without consciously trying to help us. Does that make sense? That's how I feel anyway.

By the way he's so pumped up (literally) with so much energy throughout the videos. All of a sudden he would shout "Motivated!!" (#Ahhgg my eardrums.) But I must also add, there's nothing technical, no jargons, anyone can understand it.

He Spends A Lot On Good Causes

Wesley donates a lot of money to the local church and charities. He gives a lot of tips to the waiting staff in restaurants (100-300%!)

Not because he can afford it (well, he can afford it) but because that's what he believes to do. Share and people will share back. Give to receive. What goes around comes around. While you are reluctant to give a 15% tip because you didn't receive a good service... You spend your life forever worrying about "15% of the restaurant bill" level of money.

The Overnight Millionaire System - the price is $37 but he will give you a special $10-off discount coupon code. This discount will help feed homeless people. Wesley's father is a pastor, and he goes to his church every Sunday morning to help them.

Isn't that crazy? They normally ask you to pay 10% MORE to pay towards charitable causes. Anyway that's what he does. He's not making this up, there's a video clip to prove in the link destination. If you don't believe it, that's fine. Then that's what you are - do you see what I mean?

60-Day Money Back Guarantee

If you're not happy, you can ask your money back by contacting Wesley or via ClickBank within 60 days of purchase.

Pros

You'll get all the success tips from a REAL millionaire.

Extremely motivational.

Easy to understand (he talks to you from his heart).

Your money will be partly spent on a good cause.

60-day money back guarantee.

Cons

He's a bit loud (!?)

Not for you if you're expecting an instruction manual type.

Overnight Millionaire Review - Conclusion:

Before Wesley Virgin made his own financial success, he met a lot of millionaires who didn't inspire him. Now being a multi-millionaire himself, he knows how to help you set the right mindset.

If you are a moaner or skeptic but you haven't been successful, perhaps it's about time you considered listening to this guy. Maybe this what you need. I recommend this product to anyone who doesn't want to stay where they are, and take a bold step to make money online.

[guylty]

Have you got your tickets for UV locked down? Maybe you are like me – tickets bought but not all other details finalised. Priorities, right? The most important consideration is to make sure we get to see RA on stage. Flight? Accommodation? Can be dealt with later. On the latter, I’ve had a few questions bts about hotel recommendations. Now, I do not want to presume better local knowledge than all the English/British fans. However, as a frequent visitor, and particular while I was still working for my London client, I was put up in hotel accommodation on many occasions. In that sense, I may have seen more London hotels than our actual London-based fan sisters *waves at Hariclea and tinyclanger and anyone else whom I am shamefully overlooking here* and can possibly make some recommendations.

A quick note on location and transport

My collection of Oyster Cards. Yes, I’ve had to buy several because I stupidly left mine at home… They give you a little wallet for safe-keeping when you buy yours.

All hotels are fairly centrally located – if you are a walker and do not mind 45 minutes walking, they would even be in walking distance of the city centre of London. Transport, on the whole, is not a problem in London. The tube is never far away. I recommend you buy a so-called Oyster Card upon arrival in London. This is a commuter card that you load credit onto. You can buy it at any (larger) tube station (ticket counter). You can get the £10 deposit back when you return the card before you leave London. You charge your card via the ticket machines located in every tube station. Paying for the tube is via flashing the card at the gates for entry and exit. A display at the gates will always tell you how much money you have left on your card. An Oyster card is a must, even if you only stay for three days. The difference in price between buying single tickets and using your automatic card credit, is significant: A single journey will set you back £4.90 whereas the Oyster card is £2.40!!! Also, the Oyster card has an automatic cap. That means you will pay a maximum of £8.20 (zones 1-3) versus single journeys or a daily travel card at £13.10 (zones 1-4)!!!

However, the best tip when it comes to London public transport, I received from local Hariclea: Bus fares are much cheaper than the tube. A single journey will set you back only £1.50. The daily cap for Oyster Card here is £4.50. So if you can, take the bus. Or walk, that is *my* personal tip. For a long time on my travels to London, I did everything by tube, thinking that London was a huge city and everything was very far apart. It took me 3 years to realise that Piccadilly Circus was only 250 meters away from Leicester Square! Doh. So make use of Google Maps and walk. You will be rewarded with a fantastic view of the city, too, because London treats you to a journey through all architectural ages in almost every street.

Fleet Street. From Tudor half-timbers to 1920s in 500 meters

Guylty’s Hotel Insights

I’ll give you a little review of all the hotels I have stayed at in the last four years. A caveat at the beginning. At least half of them were paid for by my client – and they didn’t skimp. I would not have paid £350 for a hotel room myself. My budget – even while still employed by them – would usually not stretch to that. However, I am including it here, too. Who knows, maybe you have a significant birthday/anniversary, or you want to treat yourself to an extraordinary London experience. Or maybe you just appreciate a lovely boutique hotel, just like I do. Where possible, I will add my own pictures – and occasionally even videos – for a little more insight into the hotel. Links to the hotel website under the name. In no particular order…

Pop!Thoza sneaks up on breakfast

The Rookery – my absolute favourite, but the above mentioned luxury option. Located in Farringdon, opposite Smithfield Market – a boutique hotel completely furnished with antiques and with every room looking different. Close to two tube stations, near the Barbican centre, too. It really looks like the photos on the website – or in my videos. Yep, I have three of them, just because the hotel was so beautiful, I had to document it every time. But I’ll only bore you with one of them. (If you want to you can see the other two if you click on my name on the video below!) This hotel has beautiful common rooms but no breakfast room. So if you want dinner, you need to eat elsewhere. Breakfast is available – but only served in your room. However, it was not any more expensive than in other hotels, and at the same time so good that I always set the alarm for two hours early so I could have long, leisurely breakfast in my fluffy bed before I went to work.   

https://vimeo.com/133549399

Purple light show. Not sure what mood *that* is…

Citizen M in Southwark (Bankside) is completely at the opposite end of the style spectrum. Ultramodern hotel. Every room has a kingsize bed (no single rooms available) and lots of tech gimmicks. Has a fantastic entertainment offer with wide screen TVs in every room. You can operate different lighting scenarios with an iPad in the room, and the blinds are automatically adjusted depending on whether you have set the room settings on “romantic” or “business” 🤣. Located behind the Tate Modern, but still very central. I loved this place and stayed there a couple of times privately, too – my son called it the “cyber hotel” and specifically asked me to book us in there when I gave him a trip to London as a gift. He (age 18 then) even shared the kingsize bed with me – that was the price for being in the cyber hotel… Buffet style breakfast is available in the hotels bar area. I loved the cool style and design of this hotel.

The Park Plaza County Hall is also situate d on the Southern bank of the Thames. I was upgraded to a suite there – with a separate sitting room and a small kitchenette. Comfortable, modern, light-filled rooms with floor-to-ceiling windows. The kitchenette would be really useful if staying for a few days and trying to budget a little bit because eating out in London is expensive. It doesn’t mean you have to cook – but just having a fridge for a pint of milk for your cornflakes in the morning, would already save you a good bit of money. I did like this one very much and remember making a little video – can’t find it anymore, unfortunately. It is part of the Radisson chain, so good quality.

I slept on top bed – wanted the “young” feel

Z Hotel City Another very modern hotel, centrally located in Fleet Street. The rooms are very modern, but also fairly small. I had a room that was billed as a “family” room with two double beds. But even though the room was tiny, they solved the problem really well: One double bed was like an enclosed alcove (fitted with a big TV) while the second double was built on top of the alcove and you accessed it via small steps. The second double also had a TV screen. The drawback was that the hotel did not offer breakfast, and even though it operated a café next door, it did not provide a discount to residents. However, as you can see from the photo, this kind of room would really lend itself to sharing if you are coming with a friend. Share the costs – still get privacy. And style, too.

        No real vines, that’s the graffiti on the wall!!

The Malmaison on Charterhouse Square. Another boutique hotel in Farringdon (like the Rookery above) (near Barbican), located on beautiful Charterhouse Square where you get London at its historic best: There is the eponymous Charterhouse from the 14th century, then there is Georgian architecture, the Victorian hotel building, and an Art Deco block of flats (which was used as location for Hercule Poirot’s flat in the Poirot TV series with David Suchet). Every room differently decorated – modern eclectic. The rooms were small but beautiful and all decorated differently. The first time I stayed there, I had an “inside” room with a kind of blind window into a lightwell. The room had really funky decoration with a graffiti-sprayed wall. Breakfast was not included but available in the basement restaurant – really nice, though.

        Glimpse of room on the right. Bathroom had massive dimensions. Wheelchair compatible

The Premier Inn County Hall is probably on the affordable end of the scale. Centrally located, directly behind the London Eye and more or less directly on the banks of the Thames. The rooms were not particularly cosy or original, but clean, light and big. Probably more on the practical side. Prices are pretty good for London – and for the location. Breakfast available in the hotel – nothing special, but good price.

          You can see what I had for breakfast

The Marlin Aparthotel was an affordable option when I took my mum to London last year. This hotel is fairly well connected, just behind Waterloo Station. In walking distance of the Old Vic Theatre and Westminster on the other side of the Thames. The rooms were bright and modern – and they came with a kitchenette. We ate breakfast in our own room every day and saved on another tenner for meals that way. This hotel is easily accessible by bus – which will also get transport costs down…

Lastly, The Grange Strathmore Hotel is the last hotel I stayed in when in London in April this year. The building is the former residence of the Earl of Strathmore (the Queen Mother’s father), and as such an imposing Victorian residence in a very pretty part of London. The room was small and looked out onto the mews at the back. Kensington is a very nice area for walking and looking at the grand white townhouses, but it’s not as central as the other hotels listed above. Also, I didn’t find the transport options quite as close as the other hotels.

So, here is an overview of the hotels and their relative location. It’s an interactive map – you can click on the markers and see which hotel it is.

That’s it for my own experience with hotels in central London. As I said – not necessarily the cheapest *thanks to my former employers*. I am sure there are other, if not better options available. If anyone has some recommendations, please add them in the comments! And for further questions – I’m delighted if I can answer, although I am sure that the resident Londoners are probably better equipped than I am.

Leaving you with a little London Lucas for good measure.

  Notes on Staying in London Have you got your tickets for UV locked down? Maybe you are like me - tickets bought but not all other details finalised.

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Every Movie Has a Lesson by Don Shanahan: EDITORIAL: Movies and the 9/11 effect

(Image: pathtoparadise.com)

EIGHTH EDITION: UPDATED SEPTEMBER 11, 2019– In an update to my annual editorial (after the original post on the 10th anniversary in 2011), I’ve got new movie inclusions in several sections, including the most recent section of faded and relaxed sensitivity in films.  I plan to make this an annual post and study for at least until the 20th anniversary in 2021.  (All poster images are courtesy of IMPAwards.com)

Never forget.  There’s no doubt that every American over the age of 25 won’t soon forget where they were 18 years ago at 8:46AM on September 11, 2001.  The world and our American lifestyle changed forever that day in more ways that we can measure.  I know movies and cinema are trivial pieces of entertainment compared to the more important things in life, but movies have always been two-hour vacations and therapy sessions from life, even in the face of immense tragedy.  Sometimes, we need movies to inspire us and help us remember the good in things, while still being entertained.  In seventeen years, they too have changed.

I’m here for an editorial research piece on the anniversary of 9/11 to showcase a few movies, both serious and not-so-serious, that speak to that day whether as a tribute, remembrance, or example of how life has changed since that fateful day.  Enjoy!

MOVIES THAT WERE OPENING THAT FRIDAY EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO

Call this a time capsule, but these were the notable movies that opened Friday, September 7, 2001 and Friday, September 14, 2001, the two Fridays surrounding 9/11.  Such a different time, huh?  Needless to say, few people were in the mood for a movie in those first weeks and the fall 2001 box office took quite a hit until the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone showed up in November 2001, followed by Ocean’s Eleven and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring that December.

The Musketeer  (September 7th)

Soul Survivors  (September 7th)

Rock Star  (September 7th)

Hardball  (September 14th)

The Glass House  (September 14th)

All were box office bombs at the time.  The Musketeer garnered a good bit of overseas earnings and Hardball got some of the best reviews of Keanu Reeves’s post-Matrix career and grew to be a DVD hit.  Still, talk about bad timing.

EXAMPLES OF 2001-2002 MOVIES CHANGED BECAUSE OF 9/11

Spider-Man— Many of you may remember seeing this teaser for the big comic book blockbuster before it was pulled post-9/11. (New remastered video in 2019)

Donnie Darko— Suggested by Feelin’ Film Facebook Discussion Group contributor Josh Powers. Released months before 9/11, few remember how much this film was somewhat buried and forced to become an underground cult favorite due to a pivotal moment involving a horrific plane crash.

Lilo and Stitch— See a side-by-side video clip of differences in Imgur.  The trivia notes behind it are explained on IMDb.  

Collateral Damage— The Arnold Schwarzenegger terrorism movie had its release date bumped and terrorist overtones mellowed down.  (trailer)

City by the Sea— The production on this Robert DeNiro/James Franco thriller was moved from New York to Los Angeles in July 2001, dodging the terrorism attacks that would have threatened their home Tribeca studios.  (trailer)

Sidewalks of New York–– Edward Burns intermingled love story movie was bumped to November and had to have its posters changed.  See right here on the left for an example.  (trailer)

Men in Black II— The original scripted ending of the movie was scripted to have the World Trade Center towers open up to release a barrage of UFOs.  (trailer)

Serendipity and Zoolander— Both movies had shots of the WTC digitally removed from the skylines of their finished films before they hit theaters that fall.

The Time Machine— Had its December 2001 release bumped to March because of a potentially sensitive scene of meteor shower over New York (which it cut).  (trailer)

Big Trouble— It too had its nuclear bomb-centered plot cause a release delay well into 2002.  The delay didn’t help this already awful movie.  (trailer)

MOVIES ABOUT 9/11 ITSELF

September 11  (2002)– International directors from around the world, including Ken Loach, Mira Nair, and future Oscar winner Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, made a two-hour anthology of short films showing creative expressions of other cultures and their reactions to the tragedy. 

United 93  (2006)– Bourne Supremacy and Bourne Ultimatum director Paul Greengrass took an unknown cast and directed a harrowing real-time account of the flight that fought back.  Hard to watch, but undeniably powerful without exploiting the tragedy.  (trailer)

World Trade Center  (2006)– Conspiracy specialist Oliver Stone turns off the urge to dig into his usual musings and delivers an incredibly humble, respectful, and understated (words that hardly ever describe an Oliver Stone movie) true story of the last two men (Nicolas Cage and Michael Pena) rescued alive at Ground Zero.  Worth every moment to see and a great tribute to the first responders and their families.  (trailer)

9/11  (2017)– I think we all knew a day would come where some hack film was going to come around and exploit the tragedy that is the 2001 terrorist attacks.  That award goes to Charlie Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, and director Martin Guigui’s straight-to-VOD trash heap.  Sheen, a noted conspiracy theorist on 9/11, took it upon himself to make a glamour project stepping on history.  Do not waste your time with this film.

MOVIES WITH PROMINENT 9/11 CONNECTIONS

The Guys  (2002)– One of the first reactionary films to 9/11 came from Focus Features in 2002 and starred Anthony LaPaglia and Sigourney Weaver.  Based on Anne Nelson’s heartfelt play, LaPaglia plays a fire captain who lost eight men on 9/11 and Weaver plays the editor who helps him write eulogies for the fallen.  The film is only available on disc from Amazon.  (trailer)

WTC View  (2005)– Gallows humor bubbles to the surface in this off-kilter indie romance from Brian Sloan about a SoHo man who placed an ad to find a new roommate and September 10th and now lives through a more difficult and trying landscape.  (trailer)

Reign Over Me  (2007)– In a rare dramatic turn, Adam Sandler plays a fictional wayward man who lost his wife and daughters on 9/11 and tailspins through life fiver years later when an old college friend (Don Cheadle) tries to help keep him from being committed to a psychiatric care.  (trailer)

Remember Me  (2010)– Billed as a coming-of-age film starring Twilight star Robert Pattinson, it features a fictitious family affected by the tragedy, including the fall of the WTC.  Most critics found the 9/11 connections exploitative and offensive.  (trailer)

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close  (2011)– Speaking of exploitative, the Tom Hanks/Sandra Bullock Oscar nominee from this past year definitely rubbed more than a few audiences the wrong way in using 9/11 as a backdrop to a fictional family tragedy.  Critics (including this one) clamored that if you’re going to bring 9/11 to the big screen, use a real story.  (trailer)  (my full review)

September Morning  (2017)– Independent writer/director Ryan Frost crafted a small drama about five college freshman staying up all night after 9/11 weighing the impact it will have on their present and future.  The film won a youth jury award at the Rhode Island International Film Festival.  (trailer)

MOVIES ABOUT THE WAR ON TERROR

In the decade since September 11, 2011, our largest response as a nation to the terrorism of that day has been a pair of wars overseas in the countries of Iraq and Afghanistan.  The “war on terror” has quickly grown into a ripe orchard for possible movie storylines.

Home of the Brave  (2006)–Rocky producer Irwin Winkler earns the credit for the first mainstream Hollywood movie depicting the Iraqi War and the initial soldiers returning home to re-acclimate to society.  Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, and Jessica Biel.  (trailer)

The Hurt Locker  (2008)– Of course, the best-of-the-best is the 2009 Best Picture winner from Kathryn Bigelow starring Jeremy Renner as a driven, yet dark Iraqi bomb specialist.  Its quality needs no introduction.  (trailer)

Grace is Gone  (2007)– In the Audience Award winner of the 2007 Sundance Film Festival, typical gender roles are reversed when John Cusack plays a homefront father (in my opinion, the best he’s ever acted) who has to find the best way to tell his two daughters that their soldier mother was killed in Iraq.  This movie is “guy-cry” level brilliant.  (trailer)

Rendition  (2007)– Jake Gyllenhaal, Reese Witherspoon, and Meryl Streep get together for a movie calling out the wrongs of detainment, interrogation, and torture.  (trailer)

The Kingdom  (2007)– Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, and Jason Bateman investigate a bombing and throw down in the streets of Riyadh.  (trailer)

Lions for Lambs  (2007)– Robert Redford delivers a three point-of-view discourse on U.S. war affairs before home and abroad with the help of Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep.  (trailer)

In the Valley of Elah  (2007)– Crash director Paul Haggis leads Tommy Lee Jones (in an amazing Oscar-nominated performance) and Susan Sarandon as parents investigating with a local detective (Charlize Theron) the disappearance of their AWOL son returning home from Iraq.  (trailer)

Body of Lies  (2008)– Ridley Scott’s fictional take on the CIA’s involvement in preventing Jordanian terrorism starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe.  (trailer)

Stop-Loss  (2008)– Ryan Phillippe, Channing Tatum, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt play three young Texas schoolmates who are finally home from overseas but are forced back via the stop-loss clause.  (trailer)

The Messenger  (2009)– Woody Harrelson was nominated for an Oscar for his role as a U.S. Army Casualty Notification Team officer mentoring recent veteran (Ben Foster) on the uniquely difficult job of informing families the bad news.  (trailer)

Taking Chance  (2009)– Along the same bringing-bad-news-home lines is this gem of a HBO film starring Kevin Bacon (like Cusack earlier, in arguably his best performance as an actor) as a desk officer who never saw combat but takes on the duty of escorting a young fallen soldier’s body back to his old hometown.  Even though this wasn’t in theaters, it is outstanding and worth your time on DVD.  (trailer)

Brothers  (2009)– Jake Gyllenhaal takes care of his older brother’s wife (Natalie Portman) while he (Tobey Maguire) is declared MIA in Afghanistan, from director Jim Sheridan.  (trailer)

Dear John and The Lucky One  (2010 and 2012)– These two adaptations of Nicholas Sparks romance novels briefly touches on the War on Terror through Channing Tatum and Zac Efron’s lead characters’ return home to romance.  (trailer and trailer)

Green Zone  (2010)–Director Paul Greengrass followed United 93 with his Bourne series star Matt Damon in this taut and marginally-dramatized account of the early unsuccessful searches and the possible cover-up of Baghdad’s supposed stores of weapons of mass destruction.  (trailer)

Restrepo  (2010)– The highly acclaimed National Geographic documentary film follows a one-year look at the real men of the platoon embattled in the deadliest fortified valley of Afghanistan.  (trailer)

Act of Valor  (2012)– Disney pumped up the military with this fictional anti-terrorism film using active duty Navy SEALs.  Coming out after the death of Osama bin Laden, this was a welcome and well-promoted hero picture and recruitment reel.  (trailer)

Zero Dark Thirty  (2012)– The Hurt Locker director Kathryn Bigelow made a film about the SEAL Team 6 men and their story of taking down Osama bin Laden.  The film was my #1 movie on my “10 Best” list for 2012.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Lone Survivor (2013)– Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights) directed an outstanding and patriotic film based on the Afghanistan saga of Marcus Luttrell starring Mark Wahlberg, Taylor Kitsch, Ben Foster, and Emile Hirsch that echoes another true-life story from the ongoing War on Terror.  Very good movie!  (trailer)  (my full review)

A Most Wanted Man (2014)– Spy novelist John LeCarre’s multi-layered 2008 novel about the world of inter-agency espionage happening in Hamburg, Germany, the same city where the 9/11 conspirators hatched their plans, is an excellent and different post-9/11 film with an international flair and flavor.  It will also be remembered as one of the last performances of Philip Seymour Hoffman, who was phenomenal in the film.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit  (2014)– This modern reboot or update of the famed Tom Clancy character, now played by Chris Pine, roots his pre-spy origins in the aftermath of 9/11 and the War on Terror that followed.  (trailer)

American Sniper  (2014)– Clint Eastwood’s Best Picture nominee war drama about the real-life story of the late Navy SEAL Chris Kyle (played by Oscar nominee Bradley Cooper) went on to become the highest grossing film of 2014 (north of $350 million).  Kyle’s journey from the heartland to the front lines was spurred by a sense of duty and patriotism that started from the attacks of 9/11.  This is, by far, the most high profile movie to date to feature the War on Terror directly correlating 9/11.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Good Kill  (2015)– On the smaller side, but just as solid with warfare and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is this under-seen film which had a limited theatrical release during the summer of 2015.  Andrew Niccol (Lord of War, Gattaca, The Truman Show) shifted his focus to the War on Terror by showcasing a Las Vegas base of drone pilots dealing with the ramification of their actions and the war being waged on their screens and with their joystick controls.  (trailer)  (my full review)

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi  (2016)– Director Michael Bay’s slanted look at the September 11, 2012 embassy attacks that have become a political firebrand since certainly qualifies to make this list.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot  (2016)– Tina Fey shed her comedic image for a heavyish war drama loosely based the true story of Afghanistan/Pakistan television journalist Kim Barker.  (trailer)  

Snowden  (2016)– Renowned politicized filmmaker Oliver Stone brought his brush of dramatic license to the story of whistleblowing former spy Edward Snowden, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  The paranoia of the post-9/11 digital age was the mission field for Snowden and many other young men and women who sought the security and counterterrorism industries. (trailer) (full review)

Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk  (2016)– A company of soldiers who lost their commanding officer in Iraq are making a victory tour of press dates and public appearances when the reflections of the title character (newcomer Joe Alwyn) fill the day.  Ang Lee’s film felt ten years too late and was not well received.  (trailer) (my full review)

Thank You For Your Service  (2015) and Thank You For Your Service  (2017)– This popular conversation sentence was the title of two different works.  In 2015, Tom Donahue’s documentary opened eyes to the shoddy mental health governance for modern veterans and made waves that changed actual policies.  The 2017 feature film borrows inspiration from David Finkel’s 2013 nonfiction bestseller dealing with the PTSD topic of returning Iraqi tour soldiers adjusting to civilian life.  Miles Teller is the headliner and is joined by Haley Bennett, Beulah Koale, Joe Cole, and Amy Schumer.  (trailer) (trailer)

Megan Leavey  (2017)– 2017 was a busy year for War on Terror-connected films with five new entries.  Taglined “based on the true story about a Marine’s best friend,” Megan Leavey stars Kate Mara as the soldier leader of a bomb-searching pooch on deployment in Iraq.  Touching film!  (trailer)

The Wall  (2017)– Nocturnal Animals Golden Globe nominee Aaron Taylor-Johnson and emerging WWE movie star John Cena play two soldiers pinned down by an Iraqi sniper in a single-setting thriller from action specialist Doug Liman (Edge of Tomorrow).  (trailer)

War Machine  (2017)– Enough time has passed now in 2017 where the War on Terror has reached a point of being a target of satire.  Animal Kingdom and The Rover director David Michod puts a witty spin on things creating a fictionalized account of U.S. General Stanley McChrystal with Brad Pitt in the lead.  Netflix is the exclusive carrier of this one.   (trailer)

Last Flag Flying  (2017)– The last and best of the 2017 bunch is Richard Linklater’s dramedy about three old Vietnam veterans (Steve Carell, Bryan Cranston, and Laurence Fishburne) who come together when one of their sons is killed in Iraq and coming home for burial.  The excellent acting trio and Linklater’s writing (adapted from Darryl Ponicsan’s novel, a spiritual sequel to his The Last Detail) deliver touching brevity and sharp commentary on the echoes of war across generations.  (trailer) (my full review)

A Private War (2018)— Documentary filmmaker Matthew Heineman made his feature film debut with a biopic on British photojournalist Marie Colvin, who made her stops through the hellfire of Iraq and Afghanistan in her storied career. Rosamund Pike was snubbed for an Oscar nomination that year. (trailer) (my full review)

Vice (2018)— Speaking of biopics, writer/director Adam McKay brought his machete for satire to the life of former Vice President Dick Cheney. The film dove deep into the manipulated machinations from Cheney that engineered the War on Terror during the Bush administration. While not as good as The Big Short, Vice did earn eight Oscar nominations (winning one for makeup), including Best Picture and Best Actor for Christian Bale in the leading role. (trailer) (my full review)

Official Secrets (2019)— When invading Iraq was on the table to push the war to the ground, the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Tony Blair were lockstep next to the U.S. on seeking United Nations approval. The true story of whistleblower Katharine Gun unearthed secrets that led to questioning the war’s legality before it even began. This is a nice step-up for Keira Knightley. (trailer) (my full review)

The Report (2019)— Not yet widely released in 2019 after huge buzz at the Sundance Film Festival, frequent Steven Soderbergh screenwriting collaborator Scott Z. Burns made his directorial debut with this searing docudrama of the use of torture by American agencies during the War on Terror. Check out the film’s trailer:

MOVIES ABOUT THE CHANGES IN AMERICAN LIFE (BOTH SERIOUS AND NOT-SO-SERIOUS)

25th Hour  (2002)– New Yorker Spike Lee was quick to not shy away from the post-9/11 pulse of New York City following Edward Norton’s character’s last night of debauchery and unfinished business before going to prison.  Filled with scathing social commentary and visual reminders of 9/11 and Ground Zero, its amazing opening credits sequence alone set the tone as only Spike can.  (trailer)

Fahrenheit 9/11  (2004)– Documentary maverick Michael Moore’s slam at the handling of 9/11 and the war on terror became one of the most successful box office documentaries of all-time.  (trailer)

Sorry, Haters  (2005)– Robin Wright played a professional woman who receives conversation and unexpected interaction with an Arab New York cab driver in this IFC production.  (foreign trailer)

An Inconvenient Truth  (2006)– By contrast, in a small snippet and computer graphic on melting glaciers in this Oscar-winning documentary, Al Gore lets us know that half of Greenland or Antarctica’s melted ice would put New York, including Ground Zero, underwater within the next 50 years.  (trailer)

The Terminal  (2004)– Airports are now covered in bureaucratic red tape.  Heaven forbids, you’re not from America.  (trailer)

Anger Management  (2003)– Showed us that you can get kicked off a plane now for just about anything.  (trailer)

Soul Plane  (2004)– Then again, come on, guys.  Air travel can still be cool, even with the new security rules. (trailer)

Snakes on a Plane  (2006)– OK, maybe not so much… (trailer)

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay  (2008)– You’ve got to hate racial profiling as much as you equally love a good parody.  (trailer)

Iron Man  (2008)– Marvel’s steely hero had his Vietnam origin story conveniently and modernly flopped for an Afghanistan-connected one.  (trailer)

Bridesmaids  (2011)– Now, that’s how an Air Marshall gets down! (trailer)

Source Code  (2011)– Our fear of catastrophes on planes can easily be translated to trains as well.  (trailer) (my full review)

The Reluctant Fundamentalist  (2013)– For a serious look at the warped view of Muslim citizens post-9/11, take a look at Mira Nair’s dramatic thriller about a young Pakistani man (newcomer Riz Ahmed) who is successful on Wall Street but viewed differently through profiling after 9/11.  (trailer)

The Fifth Estate (2013)– The film story of the WikiLeaks of Julian Assange carry a loose connection to the changed post-9/11 landscape of security and more.  (trailer)

Boyhood (2014)– Richard Linklater’s huge biographical opus was filmed over the course of 12 years with the same cast growing up and aging to tell their family story.  The film starts in 2002, where the incidents of 2001 are fresh on the minds of the characters and discussed openly during the first year sequence of the journey.  Later on, political mentions of Bush, Obama, and the War on Terror make it into a reflective conversation as well.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Won’t You Be My Neighbor  (2018)– A key moment in the extraordinary Fred Rogers documentary chronicled when a retired Rogers was brought back for a special televised message to young viewers about reacting to the 9/11 tragedy that played on-screen for so many viewers.  It’s a touching historical moment.  (trailer) (my full review)

MEMORABLE PAST IMAGES OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER IN MOVIES

Sometimes, all it takes is the camera making a fleeting, yet memorable, glance at those beautiful and now-gone skyscrapers to immediately remind us of a different time.  The WTC towers have been shown in innumerable establishing shots.  We’ll highlight some great ones.  Beginning with the closing credits to New Yorker Martin Scorsese’s 2002 film Gangs of New York, here’s a great montage of cinematic views of the WTC from various pre-2001 movies.

Superman  (1978)– Even a passing fly-by over “Metropolis” feels different.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York  (1992)– Tell me this clip didn’t just go from cute to eerie to sad.  Wonderful then, but different now.

Godspell (1973)— Submitted by friend-of-the-page and larger-fan-of-musicals-than-me Josh Powers, enjoy this dance number from the summery musical filmed and completed before the skyscraper’s ribbon-cutting.

King Kong  (1976)– While it may not match the iconic 1933 image of the original ape towering on top of the Empire State Building, the World Trade Center plays a big role in the 1976 remake starring Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange.  (trailer) 

Independence Day  (1996), Deep Impact  (1998), Armageddon  (1998), and The Day After Tomorrow  (2004)– These all constitute the prominent disaster movies that leave New York (and, in three cases, the WTC) in destructive shambles.  

HONORABLE MENTIONS:  Godzilla  (1998), Cloverfield  (2004), War of the Worlds  (2005), and Watchmen  (2009).  Kind of not so entertaining for few seconds anymore, huh?  See for yourself.  Here’s a montage of NYC movie destruction:

MOVIES THAT FEEL DIFFERENT IN THE POST-9/11 WORLD

I don’t know about you but a lot of movies just don’t resonate or feel the same as they did before September 11th.  We’ve changed and the perception has changed.  For some movies, their message and impact is only made stronger (in good ways and bad) since 9/11.  In other cases, what was entertaining then doesn’t feel so right anymore.

Airplane!  (1980)– Farce or not (and still funny to this day), we could never get away with anything that happens on an airplane from that movie now.  (trailer)

Passenger 57  (1992)–Let alone this movie… (trailer)

Executive Decision  (1996)– …and this movie… (trailer)

Turbulence  (1997)– …and this movie… (trailer)

Pushing Tin  (1999)– …and probably this movie too… (trailer)

True Lies  (1994)– Slammed even then for its depiction of Arab terrorists, it likely has picked up a little more egg on its face. Adding to its burial, the movie hasn’t been released on any physical media format since 1999, which includes zero Blu-ray editions in its history (factoid from Josh Powers). Do you think 20th Century Fox wants that movie to go away or what?  (trailer)

The Siege  (1998)– This frightening martial law thriller with Denzel Washington, Annette Bening, and Bruce Willis makes True Lies look like G.I. Joe starring Ken from the Barbie dolls toy line.  Scary and eerily prophetic in its over-the-top terrorism and bombing scenarios.  (trailer)

The Dark Knight Rises  (2012)– Though fictional with Pittsburgh standing in as Gotham City, the New York imagery and parallels occurring during its terrorist takeover led by Tom Hardy’s Bane have eerie 9/11-inspired ramifications.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Syriana  (2005)– George Clooney won an Oscar, but the touchy subjects of torture, terrorism, and the oil industry evoke a little dose of fear.  (trailer)

Munich  (2005)– The Black September assassination of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics and the Mossad’s reaction was probably the last time before 9/11 that terrorism made worldwide live media headlines.  (trailer)

Arlington Road  (1999)– While this resonates more as a comparison to Oklahoma City-style domestic terrorism, the Jeff Bridges/Tim Robbins underappreciated thriller is no less scary now than then.  (trailer)

Fight Club  (1999)– Watching Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt/Edward Norton) destroy New York’s credit district is another example of domestic terrorism and destruction that rings a little louder post-9/11.

The Sum of All Fears  (2002)– Many people found the Super Bowl bomb plot far too soon to see those images just a year removed from 9/11.  (trailer)

V for Vendetta  (2006)– Urban terrorism in London via a Guy Fawkes fan resonates a little different for a public scare on our side of the Atlantic.  (trailer)

Courage Under Fire  (1995)– Our first trip to Iraq foreshadows a lot of the equal futility, bravery, and loss experienced in our second trip… (trailer)

Jarhead  (2005)– …especially when told from the true account of a disillusioned soldier who was there.  (trailer)

Charlie Wilson’s War  (2007)– The same foreshadowing can be made out of our 1980’s Cold War involvement on the side of Afghanistan versus the Soviet Union as outlined by a gem of a Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman film.  To think that we could have stuck around and cleaned the place up before they became our enemy.  (trailer)

Rambo III  (1988)– Speaking of an American fighting on the anti-communism side of the Afghans!  (trailer)

Air Force One  (1997)– Not that George W. Bush or Barack Obama ever channeled Harrison Ford here, but don’t you now root a little harder for a take charge President… (trailer)

The Patriot  (2000)– … or a flag-carrying American hero from 230+ years ago… (trailer)

Pearl Harbor  (2001)– …or the last great American tragedy that galvanized a nation and sent us to war.  (trailer)

MOVIES SINCE 2001 THAT RENEW THE AMERICAN SPIRIT

These examples (as well as the aforementioned World Trade Center) will get your patriotic heartstrings going and boost your down spirit.

The Last Castle  (2001)– Opening just over a month after the tragedy, the military and flag-waving patriotism of Robert Redford’s underrated drama undeniably stirs you.  (trailer)

Behind Enemy Lines  (2001)– Leave it to Gene Hackman and Owen Wilson (of all people) to win macho patriotic points for loosely re-enacting the famous pilot Scott O’Grady Bosnian prisoner escape story.  (trailer)

Black Hawk Down  (2001)– Released during the 2001-2002 awards season, Ridley Scott’s powerful depiction of the 1993 Battle of Mogadishu showed the uncompromising courage of U.S. Army Ranger and  Delta Force soldiers at a time when our current soldiers were likely preparing for going overseas to similar urban warfare.  (trailer)

We Were Soldiers  (2002)– Mel Gibson may be embroiled in unpopular headlines now, but his 2002 action-drama from his Braveheart writer about America’s first official military action in Vietnam is as powerful and it is impressive.  Like Black Hawk Down, it added to the heroic mystique of the American soldier, even if it was set in the past.  If you don’t cry watching those wives deliver those first casualty letters, there’s something wrong with you.  (trailer)

Spider-Man  (2002) and Spider-Man 2  (2004)– New York’s #1 resident superhero always fights for a way for the citizen of the city to stand up together.  I suppose you can throw in the pair from the reboot (The Amazing Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man 2) for some of the same reasons.  (trailer)

Gangs of New York  (2002)– Martin Scorsese is a quintessential New Yorker and his mid-1800’s history piece (while definitely violent) was a love letter to the city’s great history.  (trailer)

Elf  (2003)– Will Ferrell put the Big Apple back in the Christmas cheer.  (trailer)

Ladder 49  (2004)– Though it wasn’t set in New York, you can’t help but think of the 343 NYFD men and women that lost their lives on September 11th and ardent first-responders when you watch Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta as macho Baltimore firemen.  (trailer)

Million Dollar Baby  (2004)– America loves a good underdog story and Clint Eastwood gave the public a heck of a good one that went on to win the Oscar for Best Picture.  (trailer)

Miracle  (2004)– What better way to boost American spirit than to relive our greatest Olympic triumph. (trailer)

National Treasure  (2004)– How about a history lesson to make you feel good about our great country?  Why not?  (trailer)

Hitch  (2005)– Will Smith brought popular romance back to the City That Never Sleeps. (trailer)  He would capture hearts for a different reason the next year with The Pursuit of Happyness.  (trailer)

We Are Marshall  (2006)– Another real-life airplane tragedy sets the stage for an amazing story of athletic and community rebirth.  One of the most underrated football movies out there.  (trailer)

Live Free or Die Hard  (2007)– Why not give NY’s best bad-ass cop a chance to save the nation’s capital? (trailer)

Captain America: The First Avenger  (2011)– Last but not least, you can’t get more patriotic and underdog than this skinny guy from Brooklyn transformed into a red-white-and-blue super soldier.  He followed it up this past summer saving New York in The Avengers.  (trailer and trailer)  (full review and my full review)

American Sniper  (2014)– The tremendous reception Clint Eastwood’s film had to become the highest grossing movie of the year made Chris Kyle a household name and heavily amplified a previously dormant red-blooded (and “red state-d”) surge of patriotism and soldier appreciation. (trailer) (my full review)

Sully  (2016)– Both the incredible true story of Flight 1549 from 2009 and Clint Eastwood’s respectful retelling featuring Tom Hanks as Capt. Chelsea “Sully” Sullenberger remind audiences of the strength of New York City.  There’s a great line in the movie where someone is trying to thank Sullenberger and says that it’s been a long time since the city has had good news about anything like the “Miracle on the Hudson,” especially about a plane. (trailer)  (my full review)

Patriots Day  (2016) and Stronger  (2018)– The way the city of Boston rallied from another terrorist attack on American soil during its marathon has key inspirational value.  It’s too bad the film was the Mark Wahlberg show rather than a well-rounded ensemble approach.  (trailer) (my full Patriots Day review) (trailer) (my full Stronger review)

Spider-Man: Homecoming  (2017) and Avengers: Infinity War (2018)– Much like the Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield web-slinger movies that came before, Tom Holland’s take on Peter Parker is a born-and-raised New York kid that supports and protects his neighborhood and city from dangers foreign and domestic. His protection, joined by fellow New Yorker Doctor Strange, expands with the united effort with The Avengers when Thanos shows up in Avengers: Infinity War.  One part down on that with one to go in the summer of 2019.  (trailer) (my full Spider-Man: Homecoming review) (trailer) (my Avengers: Infinity War review)

Only the Brave (2017)– Just as with Ladder 49 thirteen years before it, you can’t beat the sympathy generated by the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice of firefighters.  Forest fires aren’t terrorists, but the feels are all there.  (trailer) 

The 15:17 to Paris (2018)– Four years after American Sniper, Clint Eastwood dipped his filmmaking brush in the hero worship paint again to tell another true story.  The wrinkle of this one is that Eastwood called upon the actual heroes that thwarted the 2015 Thayls train attack to star in their own movie recreation.  Results were mixed, but the Eastwood prestige is there. (trailer) (my full review)

THE UP-AND-DOWN PULSE OF CONTINUED SENSITIVITY AND/OR CENSORSHIP TO 9/11 SIMILARITIES

For 2014 and going forward, this is a new section I’m adding to this study.  Now that enough time has passed since 2001, I’m beginning to notice that movies are starting to go back to some of the images and themes of violence, destruction, and terrorism that were hands off for so many years after 9/11.  Like all history, even 9/11 will fade.  What we were offended by after the horrific incidents have returned, in some cases, to be more tolerated and even acceptable and celebrated again.  Sure enough, there are plenty who vividly remember 2001’s events and images and are quick to point out when something is in possible poor taste.  That shaky barometer has led to some allusions and reminders to 9/11 and some flat-out censorship changes and corrections.  Some get flak and slaps on the wrist while some don’t.  Here are some examples in recent years.

Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down (2013)– Both competing White House takeover films from 2013, one from Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) and one from Roland Emmerich (Independence Day) had a bit of split audience reaction to their violent and terrorist content.  Some rooted and cheered as if it was the 80’s again and America is always going to win.  Others were not so keen or ready to see the White House become a target and battleground, even if it was just a movie.  Between the two, Olympus Has Fallen, the R-rated and more severe one of the two, was the bigger hit.  In a way, no one batted an eye. (trailer and trailer)  (my full Olympus Has Fallen review)

Man of Steel  (2013)– Despite being one of the most all-American heroes around, Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel gave Superman a very serious tone that, in a way, can’t be included on the category before this one of movies that renew the American spirit.  Also, many people were not very pleased with the immense city-wide destruction scenes of Metropolis during the film’s climax.  Even though Chicago was the filming location of a fictitious comic book city, there were staunch critics who had a problem with huge office buildings and skyscrapers in very 9/11-esque rubble. Its 2016 sequel, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice mildly addressed that a city can’t be destroyed without consequences, even on Superman’s watch in a colorful comic book setting.   (my full review)

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)– Much like Man of Steel, the third Michael Bay Transformers movie features a great deal of city-wide destruction (again, in Chicago) that rubbed a few people the wrong way.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)– Throw in the terrorist label for the villain and his bombings and the big San Francisco starship wreck during this film’s ending action that was clearly a larger scale to a passenger jet taking out buildings.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Godzilla (2014)– Add the King of the Monsters to the list of more city destruction that raised an eyebrow for some.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)– Outside of this string of modern and accepted examples of urban attacks and destruction, is the minor amount of hot water the makers of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got it for a promotional poster that had an exploding skyscraper that cut too close to 9/11 similarities.  The study pulled the poster and had to apologize.  Censorship and sensitivity won that argument and mistake.  (trailer)  

The Walk  (2015)– A very big test to peoples’ memories of the World Trade Center will be coming in the Fall of 2015 with Robert Zemeckis’s film The Walk, the true story of the French high-wire artist Philippe Petit’s quest to tightrope walk between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in 1974 (previously featured in the Academy Award nominated 2008 documentary Man on Wire).  Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the film will prominently display, thanks to Zemeckis’s stunning use of CGI,  a tremendous amount of imagery of the two lost skyscrapers.  Even though it’s a period piece to a non-turbulent time, no film since 2001 has attempted to show this much of those building.  Public reaction was mixed and the film was not a box office hit.  (trailer)  (full review)

Independence Day: Resurgence  (2016)– I guess it’s OK for patriotic mass city destruction again.  London gets it worse than New York, though.  (trailer)  (full review)

Ghostbusters  (2016)– Well, New York was safe for at least a month anyway between Independence Day: Resurgence‘s release and the new reboot (which conveniently made sure its city destruction in Times Square and other places be easy to erase).  Not far behind was the fictional Suicide Squad and its over-the-city halo of supposed death.  (trailer)  (my full review)

Rampage (2018)– Larger in size than the old World Trade Centers used to be, Chicago’s Willis Tower, the former Sears Tower and tallest building in the world, was the targeted collapsed skyscraper spectacle of choice in the Brad Payton/Dwayne Johnson live-action video game adaptation.   Monsters aren’t terrorists, but the imagery hits close as the Willis Tower was one of many skyscrapers across the country evacuated on 9/11 out of fear of becoming another target.   See the collapse clip above. (my full review)

I hope everyone enjoyed this little (OK, large) retrospective about the impact of 9/11 in movies for the last 18 years and counting.  Take some time this coming weekend to appreciate the freedoms we have the people fighting to keep them for us.  Support your troops and first responders and, again, NEVER FORGET!

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[bountyofbeads]

The 'fool' that fentanyl made into a millionaire

https://apnews.com/ce51cf7c958643629bce76764f71058d

This is a fascinating read 📖 looking at who stoked and helped create the Fentanyl Crisis that has taken so many lives. 😱 😭 😭 😭

The 'Fool ' That Fentanyl Made Into A Millionaire

By CLAIRE GALOFARO and LINDSAY WHITEHURST | Published September 14, 2019 10:20 AM ET | AP | Posted September 14, 2019 10:40 AM ET |

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — The photo that flashed onto the courtroom screen showed a young man dead on his bedroom floor, bare feet poking from the cuffs of his rolled up jeans. Lurking on a trash can at the edge of the picture was what prosecutors said delivered this death: an ordinary, U.S. Postal Service envelope.

It had arrived with 10 round, blue pills inside, the markings of pharmaceutical-grade oxycodone stamped onto the surface. The young man took out two, crushed and snorted them. But the pills were poison, prosecutors said: counterfeits containing fatal grains of fentanyl, a potent synthetic opioid that has written a deadly new chapter in the American opioid epidemic.

The envelope was postmarked from the suburbs of Salt Lake City.

That's where a clean-cut, 29-year-old college dropout and Eagle Scout named Aaron Shamo made himself a millionaire by building a fentanyl trafficking empire with not much more than his computer and the help of a few friends.

___

This story was produced in partnership with the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting.

___

For three weeks this summer, those suburban millennials climbed onto the witness stand at his federal trial and offered an unprecedented window into how fentanyl bought and sold online has transformed the global drug trade. There was no testimony of underground tunnels or gangland murders or anything that a wall at the southern border might stop. Shamo called himself a "white-collar drug dealer," drew in co-workers from his time at eBay and peppered his messages to them with smiley-face emojis. His attorney called him a fool; his primary defense was that he isn't smart enough to be a kingpin.

How he and his friends managed to flood the country with a half-million fake oxycodone pills reveals the ease with which fentanyl now moves around the world, threatening to expand the epidemic beyond America's borders. It is so potent, so easy to transport, experts say, large-scale traffickers no longer require sophisticated networks to send it to any corner of the globe. All they need is a mailbox, internet access and people with an appetite for opioids. And consumption rates are rising from Asia to Europe to Latin America as pharmaceutical companies promote painkillers abroad.

The case against Shamo detailed how white powder up to 100 times stronger than morphine was bought online from a laboratory in China and arrived in Utah via international mail; it was shaped into perfect-looking replicas of oxycodone tablets in the press that thumped in Shamo's basement and resold on the internet's black markets. Then it was routed back into the postal system in thousands of packages addressed to homes across this country awash with prescription painkiller addiction.

When Shamo took the stand to try to spare himself a lifetime in prison, he began with a nervous chuckle. He careened from one topic to the next in a monologue prosecutors would later describe as masterful manipulation to convince the jury he thought his drug-dealing was helping people. Customers wrote thank you notes because their doctors refused to prescribe more painkillers, he said. It felt like "a win-win situation" — he got rich and his customers got drugs.

One of them was a struggling 21-year-old named Ruslan Klyuev who died in his bedroom in Daly City, California, the envelope from Utah at his feet. Shamo was charged in connection to that overdose alone, but when investigators scoured the list of customers they said they counted dozens more dead.

___

The question before this jury is being debated all across America: Two decades into the opioid epidemic, is there such a thing as justice for 400,000 lost lives?

The largest civil litigation in history is testing how the pharmaceutical industry should be held accountable for inundating the country with billions of addictive pain pills. Purdue Pharma, seen by many as the primary villain for deceptively pushing the blockbuster drug OxyContin, reached a tentative $12 billion settlement this week with about half the states and roughly 2,000 local governments. Attorneys general who didn't sign on say the figure is far too low. A trial of other pharmaceutical companies is scheduled for next month, in which communities will contend that their mass marketing of prescription painkillers sparked an epidemic.

This crisis began in the 1990s and has since has spiraled into waves, each worse than the one before: Prescription opioids spread addiction, then a crackdown on prescribing paved the road to heroin, which led to fentanyl — a synthetic opioid made entirely in a laboratory. Traffickers added it to heroin to boost its potency and profitability. That transition happened slowly at first, then with extraordinary ferocity.

By 2017, deaths from synthetic opioids had increased more than 800 percent, to 28,466, dragging the United States' overall life expectancy down for a third consecutive year for the first time in a century. Fentanyl deaths have been reported abroad, in Canada, Sweden, Estonia, the United Kingdom. Countries with surging prescription opioid addiction, like Australia, fear they are on the brink.

"Fentanyl will be the bubonic plague," said Mike Vigil, former chief of international operations for the Drug Enforcement Administration, warning that any country with a burgeoning prescription opioid problem could soon find itself following American footsteps. "It's just a matter of time."

No one can say exactly how or why fentanyl, first synthesized in 1959 as a powerful painkiller, entered the modern illicit drug market, said Bryce Pardo, a researcher at the Rand Corporation. In 2013, people began overdosing on heroin laced with fentanyl in New England and Ohio, and it spread from there. Shabbir Safdar, the Partnership for Safe Medicines' executive director, said the first known death from a fentanyl-laced pill was in San Francisco in October 2015.

It was a frightening development: The DEA estimates 3.4 million Americans misuse prescription painkillers, compared to 475,000 heroin users — meaning the pool potentially exposed is 10 times bigger.

There are two sources of supply. Mexican cartels and packages shipped direct from China, where it is produced in a huge and under-regulated chemical sector. A Senate investigation last year found massive quantities of fentanyl pouring in from China through the Postal Service. The report largely blamed dated technology that left customs inspectors sifting through packages manually looking for "the proverbial needle in a haystack." The Postal Service wrote in a statement to The Associated Press that it is working hard with its international counterparts to close those loopholes, and is improving its technology to intercept fentanyl shipments.

By the time a seized package heading from China to Utah led investigators to Shamo, he had already turned fentanyl into at least 458,946 potentially poisonous pills, the government said. There are many more like him, officials say, upstart traffickers pressing pure Chinese-made fentanyl into pills in their basements and kitchens with unsophisticated equipment. In a single batch, one pill might have no fentanyl and another enough to kill a person instantly. One agent at Shamo's trial compared it to making chocolate-chip cookies, only if too many chips ended up in a "cookie," whoever ate it dropped dead.

For traffickers, the profit margins are irresistible: The DEA estimates a kilogram of fentanyl synthesized for a few thousand dollars could make a dealer more than $1 million.

"Any moron can basically become a major drug kingpin by dealing in fentanyl," said Vigil. "You can have somebody with an IQ minus 100 who becomes an overnight multimillionaire."

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Aaron Shamo dreamed of entrepreneurial riches. He idolized Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, and studied self-improvement books like "Think and Grow Rich."

He and a longtime friend, Drew Crandall, worked at eBay after failed stints in college. But Crandall was fired and Shamo decided it was "unfair" that he still had to work, so he quit. They wanted easy money.

Shamo grew up in Phoenix with three older sisters. As a teenager, he started smoking pot and refusing to attend services with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His parents sent him to boarding school in Utah, where he earned his Eagle Scout badge. He later met Crandall through their shared love of longboarding and they moved in together. Crandall was awkward and shy; Shamo was charismatic, and prided himself on helping his friend talk to girls.

The pair concocted a plan to sell their Adderall, prescribed for attention deficit disorder, on the dark web — a wild, unregulated layer of the internet reached through a special browser. There are underground marketplaces there that mimic Amazon or eBay, where guns and drugs and pirated software are traded. Money is exchanged anonymously through cryptocurrencies like bitcoin.

They learned what they needed on the web, searching with queries like "how to ship drugs." It was so easy. They expanded, ordering drugs in bulk, breaking them down and selling at a mark-up, all while barely having to leave the house.

They used the postal system like a drug mule, peddling the club drug MDMA, magic mushrooms, date rape drugs — they once bought a kilogram of cocaine from Peru. They recruited friends, offering them $100 to have parcels mailed to their homes, no questions asked.

But the profit margins were slim and their ambitions were greater: They bought a pill press, ordered the sedative alprazolam online from India and watched YouTube videos to figure out how to turn it into fake Xanax, an anti-anxiety medication. Crandall, math minded, created the recipe. They mixed it up by shaking it in mason jars.

Then Crandall fell in love.

His new girlfriend grew suspicious when he would sneak away to package drugs. When she confronted him at a party, he tearfully confessed. She forgave him, if he promised to leave the business. They bought one-way tickets to New Zealand.

Then a local drug dealer made a suggestion to Shamo that would change the course of his life: There was a fortune to be made in producing fake oxycodone.

Shamo enlisted his gym buddy, Jonathan Luke Paz, to help him. Shamo ordered fentanyl online from China, set up the pill press in the basement and bought dyes and stamps to match popular pharmaceuticals. Then they handed them over to the local dealer, who tested them on his own customers. The first batches were weak or speckled in color, he told them, or didn't react like real oxycodone when users heated it on tinfoil to smoke it.

But they were getting better.

"Close to being money in the bank," the dealer messaged Shamo. "You did it, bro."

On the first day of 2016, Shamo he wrote out his goals for the upcoming year: He would be rich. All the girls would want him.

"I will overachieve," he wrote. "I will overcome."

He went online with his products a month later. Some were specified as fentanyl, but some weren't, purporting instead to contain 30 milligrams of oxycodone. Shamo named this new store Pharma-Master.

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As winter turned to summer, sales skyrocketed. Pharma-Master started selling thousands of pills a week, charging around $10 each.

On June 6, a relatively small order came in: 10 pills, to be shipped to an apartment house in Daly City, a working-class suburb of San Francisco.

Like every order, it was sent in an encrypted email to two former eBay co-workers in charge of distribution. Alexandrya Tonge and Katherine Bustin counted out the pills in their suburban condo, packaged the shipments and dropped them in the mail.

The envelope arrived at the doorstep at 3 p.m. on June 11.

Under different circumstances, Shamo might have been friends with the 21-year-old man who lived there. Ruslan Klyuev, a Russian immigrant, was also an aspiring tech entrepreneur interested in the dark web. He had a baby face: rosy cheeks and curly hair. Klyuev loved to cook and would make extravagant meals for the house.

But his relationship ended, his web design business sputtered and he became estranged from his family, said Barry, a roommate who spoke on the condition that his last name not be published. His emotions toggled between sorrow and elation, and he struggled with substance abuse.

After drinking vodka, Klyuev crushed two of the pills with a battery and snorted the powder with a rolled-up sticky note, according to testimony. He started drifting in and out of sleep. He couldn't stand up.

He was found dead the next day, with fentanyl, alcohol and a substance associated with cocaine in his system.

His was the only death with which Shamo would be charged. His defense attorney, Greg Skordas, argued that neither his death nor any others can be definitely linked with Shamo's operation.

But in documents, prosecutors connected Shamo to a veritable slaughter:

A 24-year-old man in Seattle overdosed three weeks after he bought pills from Pharma-Master in March 2016.

Later that spring, 40 pills were shipped to a 21-year-old in Washington, D.C. He died in his dorm room 11 days later.

In Utah, a 29-year-old software analyst named Devin Meldrum had been searching since he was a teenager for a cure for cluster headaches that felt like knives stabbing his skull, said his father, Rod.

Doctors had prescribed opioids but limited the dosage, so he bought a backup supply from Pharma-Master. On Aug. 13, 2016, he ran out of pills days before his refill. As he got ready for bed, he texted his fiance and took a pill from his reserve for the first time, his father said.

He was dead before she arrived to say goodnight, blue on his bathroom floor.

His father isn't sure Shamo even now understands the magnitude of what happened: "Does he even comprehend how many families have had their hearts torn out?"

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Online, Pharma-Master was getting rave reviews.

"These will make u a millionaire in under a year, guarantee," wrote one shopper who called himself "Trustworthy Money."

He was a dealer in Portland named Jared Gillespie. He bought 80,000 pills from Pharma-Master, according to documents filed against Gillespie in Oregon. He knew he was buying fentanyl pills, the Oregon prosecutors alleged, but the people buying from him had no way to know that. They are unknown and uncounted.

Shamo offered steep discounts for bulk buyers. Tonge, one of his distributors, testified that she began to question Shamo's claim that he was helping patients who couldn't get medication: Why would one person need 5,000 pills?

Her vacuum cleaner would become a critical piece of evidence. Its dust bin was filled with pills. The operation had grown so frantic, pumping out tens of thousands of tablets a month, that when they spilled onto the floor, they weren't worth saving.

Tonge and her partner complained that the orders were coming too quickly, so Shamo hired a "runner" named Sean Gygi to pick up the packages and drop them in the mail, dozens of them a day.

Drug manufacturing became routine: Shamo once wrote himself a to-do list, and included a reminder to "make blues," the street name for oxycodone, along with getting a haircut, washing his sheets, cleaning the kitchen. And Shamo planned to expand. He bought another press so big agents would later need a tow truck to drag it out of his garage.

The money was pouring in, and out.

Shamo hired a personal assistant; she did his shopping, had his car detailed. He stuffed a duffel bag with $429,000 cash and asked his parents to hold it. He bragged to friends about VIP bottle service at clubs and gambling in Las Vegas. He shopped for real estate in Puerto Rico; took photos sipping champagne on a cruise ship; bought designer jeans, an 88-inch television, a boat and BMW.

Crandall and his girlfriend posted photos on Instagram of trips to Laos, Thailand, Singapore, kayaking and partying. But he was running out of money and agreed to become a remote customer service representative. The list of people accepting packages from China ballooned to more than a dozen. Everyone was making easy money and getting text messages from Shamo dotted with "lol" and "awesome!"

Shamo penned another note: "I am Shamo. I am awesome. My friends love me. I created an empire."

But even as he cheered himself on, there were signs of danger.

One customer reported an overdose death. Shamo scanned obituaries, then declared it was a faked, Crandall said. Then a message said pills were making people sick.

Crandall forwarded it to Shamo with a dismissive question: Should he tell them to "suck it up?" Or send more pills to pacify them?

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They didn't know it, but a suspicious customs agent at the Los Angeles International Airport had flagged a box from Shanghai, China, pulled it off the belt and looked inside. The agent found 98.7 grams of fentanyl powder — enough to make almost 100,000 pills. The box was destined for Utah.

Agents looked for more packages making their way from China to Utah, and eventually one arrived, said an agent with Homeland Security Investigations who spoke on condition of anonymity to protect ongoing investigations. On Nov. 8, 2016, postal inspectors seized a box en route from a port city in China known to law enforcement as a fentanyl-trafficking hub. It was addressed to Sean Gygi, Shamo's "runner," so agents arrived at his house with a search warrant.

Gygi said he thought the hundreds of envelopes he'd put in the mail contained the party drugs he sometimes took himself. Told it was fentanyl, the agent recalled, Gygi drooped.

He agreed to wear a wire while he picked up the packages, like he did every day. But instead of dropping them in the mail, he delivered them to police.

This single day's shipment contained 34,828 fentanyl pills destined for homes in 26 states.

Four days later, on Nov. 22, 2016, agents stood on Shamo's stoop, shouted through a bullhorn, then broke the door down with a battering ram. They were dressed in neon-orange hazmat suits with clear bowls around their faces that made them look like astronauts.

Shamo came up the stairs in a T-shirt and shorts, a mask and gloves in his pocket. A pill press downstairs was running, in a room with powder caked on the walls and the furniture.

Others were raiding the stash at Bustin and Tonge's condo. Veteran vice officers would say they had never seen so many pills, even in international operations. In total, they packed up over 74,000 fentanyl pills awaiting distribution.

In Shamo's sock drawer, agents found stack after stack of cash. There was more money in a safe in the closet. Agents totaled up more than $1.2 million, not including the money he had tied up in Bitcoin or bags he'd stashed with his family. Investigators eventually caught up with Paz, who Shamo paid around a dollar per pill, and he surrendered $800,000 more.

Crandall was in Laos, still traveling with his girlfriend, when he heard the news. He stored his drug-related data on a flash drive, threw it down a storm drain and sent an email to the dark web marketplace: "This account has been compromised." After a few months, he figured he was in the clear. He and his girlfriend planned their wedding and invited guests to meet them in Hawaii for the big day: May 12, 2017. They bought rings, and a dress.

Agents were waiting when they stepped onto American soil in Honolulu.

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When Crandall sat on the witness stand, he was slump-shouldered and shackled, clumsily trying to maneuver his handcuffs to pull a tissue out of the box to wipe his eyes. In the two years since his arrest, he has been imprisoned in a county jail and watched his fellow inmates suffer the brutal fallout of an opioid epidemic. They stole from their parents, cycled in and out of jail and shivered, sweated, sobbed through withdrawal.

He'd helped feed this, he realized. For money.

He and Shamo's other ex-partners and packagers pleaded guilty, agreed to testify against their friend and hoped for mercy.

The story they told convinced the jury to convict Shamo of 12 counts, including continuing criminal enterprise, the so-called "kingpin charge" that is typically reserved for drug lords like El Chapo and carries a mandatory life sentence. The jury deadlocked, though on the 13th count: the death of Klyuev.

The bust was one of the largest operations in the country in 2016. But the fentanyl trade has only grown more sophisticated since. By comparison, Shamo now looks "small-time," said Safdar, with the Partnership for Safe Medicines. The most notorious Mexican drug cartels have transitioned to fentanyl, even as homegrown upstarts like Shamo's proliferate.

Seizure data in the United Nation's World Drug Report shows trafficking quickly expanding worldwide. In 2013, four countries reported fentanyl seizures. By 2016: 12 countries. In 2017, 16 countries reported seizing fentanyl.

And there is no reason to believe it will not spread further. In Africa and the Middle East, the synthetic opioid tramadol is widely abused, much of it illicitly manufactured in Asia. If that market transitions to fentanyl it would be catastrophic, said Scott Stewart, a former agent with the State Department. In Australia, prescription opioid consumption has quadrupled. Marianne Jauncey, medical director of a Sydney harm-reduction center, can't think of any reason fentanyl won't soon arrive — all they can do is prepare for the day that it does.

As Shamo was convicted, a single dark web marketplace still had 32,000 listings for drugs, thousands of them claiming to be oxycodone. There was no way to tell whether they originated in a pharmacy or somebody's basement.

One vendor even borrowed a version of Shamo's name. Pharmamaster peddles oxys online, sold in bulk at a discount. It has, it boasts, an "unlimited" supply.

"Pharma-grade A++," the listings promise. "24-hour shipping!"