#bigjobs

[jubilees231]

A Hard Worker

This is one of our employees in Iraq. Her name is being disclosed due to fears over her safety. She first joined this institution in 2003, helping to kill American troops invading her land. She saw the job advert on a trip to Baghdad and immediately applied. She is now regional director for our Middle East operations. Write your own story today by joining the Oil Exploitation Service. Vacancies have opened in our Oceanic and Asia-Pacific regional offices!

[shibachangtimes-blog]

FUJIFILM FinePix BIGJOB HD-3W Digital Camera

[trainsdragons]

«Grimbeard the Ghastly.»

Hiccup had assumed that this ticking-thing had been made by Norbert's father, Bigjob, and he had always felt a little guilty about stealing it from Norbert.

But it seemed that Bigjob had perhaps stolen it himself.

For this ticking-thing surely belonged to the Heir of Grimbeard the Ghastly, and the Heir of Grimbeard the Ghastly was …

. . . Hiccup.

— “How To Train Your Dragon: How To Ride a Dragon’s Storm” Book 7 (by Cressida Cowell)

[not-orphaned-account]

Any man can be a father. But it takes a hot

middle aged guy with a bigjob

to be a D A D D Y

[cat-appreciator]

In the past I’ve done some rambling about halflings/gnomes and pondered what sort of mounts goblins would ride.

Tonight Im returning to halflings/gnomes, because I’m bored and what else am I going to do at 11pm?

The first line in Cat’s Guide to Halflings and/or Gnomes is that halflings and gnomes are the same species. They’re obviously the same species. They occupy the exact same niche, there’s no reason for them to be different species in any setting which features both! They’re different cultures of the same species. Halflings are rural and on relaxants, gnomes are urban and on uppers.

I think I prefer “gnomes” more generally; “halflings” in fantasy media are literally hobbits with the serial numbers filed off. If hobbits/halflings/gnomes are synonymous, I’d rather use the generic term without the baggage.

(Note to self: widespread use of entheogens in gnomish religion? One could take this a step further and have gnomes actually reliant on certain secret herbs and spices to make their brains work right, but I’m not sure how much I like that idea. It fits more into the “cool alien worldbuilding” box than the “riffing on fantasy worldbuilding” box.)

The traditional gnomish pointy hat may indicate that gnomish society puts more value on that outward symbol of cultural identity than their rural cousins do? Or possibly it’s just useful when living in a city full of bigjobs, like those flags you sometimes see on wheelchairs. My, you’re a tall one! Now get outta the way, a gnome is coming through.

I decided (in my previous post on gnomes) that gnomes are basically neotenous elves subject to island dwarfism, which slots better into your basic fantasy world than my previous idea, which was that gnomes are literal space aliens stuck in fantasyland, trying to uplift society into something which can repair their orbiting generation ship so they can leave again. It’s a neat idea, but it foundered on the Scylla of “how alien can I make gnomes before they don’t look cute” and the Charybdis of “sci-fi and magic together requires a double helping of the suspension of disbelief sauce”. I still like “stranded spacer society has a long-term plan to make it back to orbit” as a concept, but I think it’s best set aside for another time.

One thing I do think gnomes need is some sort of fantasy mount. Both because I like little guys riding on critters and because riding a critter literally elevates gnomes a bit amongst the bigjobs. Plus it’s a fun worldbuilding element to have their culture put a high value on animal handling.

When I pondered goblins I did a poll, and a brilliant reader suggested the perfect solution that goblins ride giant rats. Which is an excellent solution! So I thought I’d put out another poll, see what you all thought.

I’m unlikely to go with the Sabertooth Deathpanther idea, the idea of a cute little gnome riding about on a terrifying murder machine just amuses me. Back when I played World of Warcraft I wanted a giant crab mount for my gnome but similarly the only thing crabs have got going for them is surrealist whimsy.

[impossiblyzealouspost]

🎊 #entertainingchildren is a #bigjob 🎈

[cremfeegle]

THE BIGJOBS SAYS "ASKS ARE OPEN" WHATE'ER THAT MEANS.

[decanterofendlessbutter]

Nah, that was a Nac Mac Feegle. He ran up the bigjob's pantleg for attempting to exterminate him with fire while taking a nap.

#Discworld PSA #Nac Mac Feegle cannot be exterminated by normal means #The most effective ways to get rid of them are #The Pursin' o' the Lips #The Tappin' o' the Feets #A complete absence of liquor

Wee guy got fucking vaporised. Who cares

[seaofstarsrpg]

Jozish Jonz, Visse Entertainer (A to Z, J)

Back to fantasy!  How about a different sort of entertainer, as everyone likes to be entertained right? Jozish Jonz, Visse Entertainer Quote: Think I can’t juggle seven items?  How much do you want to bet on that, bigjob? If you think you can find the lady, you will win this shiny silver coin.  Just wager six copper coins and you can win big! Continue reading Jozish Jonz, Visse Entertainer (A to…

[khan12313]

📘👷‍♂️ Big Jobs | Read Aloud | Decodable Reader 18 🛠️🚜 #BigJobs, #ReadAloud, #DecodableReader, #PhonicsReader, #InflectedEndingS, #ckwords, #ickwords, #FinalConsonantBlends, #ReadingFluency, #PhonicsForKids, #LearnToRead, #ReadingPractice, #KindergartenPhonics, #Grade1Reading, #Grade2English, #AbdullahsChannel, #FunReading, #EnglishForKids

[ashleybenlove]

Norbert the Nutjob's father was named Bigjob. Probably good she didn't call him Handjob, am I right?

Apparently, the potato has been kept in a casket for 15 years. RIP that potato.

[keevansixx]

it's a lazy day. The kind of day where every dog has that sweet spot in the shade where they can rest and keep an eye on everything at the same time. the slight whiff of musky squirrel drifting in the air...

"that's right ya damned dirty squirrel, keep on walking. One of these days when your back is turned trying to bury that nut "POW!" i'll broadside ya like a sleazy alley cat hopped up on catnip and fresh cream. I'm warning ya, ya little rhodent...one of these days!"

I retreat back to my sweet spot and resume my vigil, it's a good job. lots of kibble, the occasional table treats, fresh water, plentiful ear scritches and belly rubs, what more can an honest working dog ask for. I've been with the bigjobs for what seems like an age now. Trained to be a good boy in everything i do for the family. they eventually bring in the mini-bigjob, the boss's kid for me to protect. it's been a good life. the kiddo brings me lots of treats (some unintentional) and i keep the kid safe from anything that invades the sanctity of the home and yard.

I hear bigjob jr. calling from the back porch. i glance up from my spot to see the kid excitedly charging across the yard in my direction. I'm always happy to see the tyke looking happy, and my tail gives a halfwag in greeting.

No chewy orb in the kids hand today. Damn. those are sacred. the fuzzy orb of divine pleasure all dogs love unconditionally and covet above all else. the kid is chatting happily and giving me good scritches in all the right places. Suddenly He takes off for the other side of the yard, the smell of an hour old baloney and cheese sandwich drifting off his hands as he runs away. I drool a little, the smell is good.

Jr. is standing by the garden shed calling my name. I glance over all calm and collected like a good dog is supposed to do. The kid reaches somewhere behind the shed. My ears perk up in case there is trouble. the kind of trouble that requires a little fang and paw action from time to time to discourage bad things from harming the family. my pulse quickens a little bit tensing for an outburst of alarm from the kid, senses ready for action. the kid straightens up a bit and hides his hand behind his back all quick like. He's hiding something from me. I stand up from my spot and watch the kid in case something goes southpaw wrong.

Jr. is smiling in that weird bigjob way they all do and asking me something of a question over and over. my head cocks quizzically at the sounds and i trot over to see what he's going on about, but he's excited about it, and i start to get excited about it too.

with a sudden motion, he whips out a long chewy and starts wagging it in the air above my head. I can smell faint traces of squirrel, mixed in with good earth, and the smell of baloney sandwich mingling in the air and suddenly i want that chewy! I want that chewy like wanting to chase the noisy rolling beasts that pass by the yard daily. I wanted that chewy more than the fuzzy orbs the bigjobs bring me when i'm a really good boy. I wanted that chewy more than chasing tail and digging holes in the flowerbed. I HAD TO HAVE THAT CHEWY!

I lose all decorum and poise and start hopping around like a milk drunk puppy again, vocalizing my need of the chewy to the delighted smiles and laughter of the chairman of the board, mr mini-bigjob jr.

He rears back and gives the much desired chewy a mighty heave across the skies. My eyes track the chewy as my legs begin pumping, (I'm a lean mean chasing machine, nothing can escape my speed!) as i give chase to the flying chewy. Before it hits the ground, i give a mighty leap and deftly catch it in my jaws like a seasoned pro out for a victory lap after a home run. The best catch of my career thus far, if i do say so myself. YES! the chewie is mine! muahahahaha! I proudly take a victory jog in celebration.

Jr. calls me over to celebrate my accomplishment. good scritches and pats. he asks me for the stick back. I'm hesitant, but he's the boss and the boss is always right, so i release the chewy to his care.

Describe a dog going to fetch a stick, but in the style of a noir crime thriller.

[abominationvault]

Session 65: Sat 22 Feb 2025

Notes minimal as I’m doing my nails. New items! Nadia has chosen a Liar’s Gun; Skabb is still choosing, Jorg’ath has a thing that hits real hard and makes his victi- er, opponents grow trees out of them. Sounds 'orrible! Hartvig is also still choosing but he’s been busy wrangling estate agents this week and hasn’t had much free time. He might have the cash equivalent instead. Or donate it to a donkey sanctuary. He could pick a rune, the DM tells him. Lots of faffing about until we’re all ready.

Sprocket and Augustus think that because they’re two entities, they should get a present each. Oseph will give them a second one for 50gp; that sounds good to them. We all chip in as he doesn’t have that. In fact he thought the money he did have was just very hard-to-get-into chocolate coins. Skabb will give 10 gp, and not a penny more, she makes it clear to the mayor. Jorg’ath does an Intimidating Glare to encourage the mayor to accept our offer, as Sprocket produces a ring in part payment. He shoves the pile of coins and the ring at the mayor. “'Ereyago.”

Once the transaction is complete he finds a ruby-encrusted dagger worth 70gp in his belongings.

Quick recap - we killed the Motley Man and saved Dorianna!

Hartvig tells what he himself describes as a shit story about the two Clives at his work. They call the other one Cleric to distinguish him. Skabb: “I disagree, I think you should write that one in your memoirs.” (She wins a Hero Point.)

We have healed and won spell slots back, hurray! We need to find a blacksmith and a quartermaster on this level, as they are supposed to have parts of the amulet we’re collecting. Also we must watch out for Urevian, as he probably won’t like us much. And Asmodeus, but I don’t think he’s here.

Also there’s something some people would define as ‘treasure’ but not everyone.

We want to explore the room with the chambers and the monsters inside; Skabb sends Grabby for a squizz. There’s a staircase that goes up ten feet to a walkway that goes around the outside of the room and back down some more stairs on the other side. Grabby could fire herself out through this monster cannon and give herself a little one way trip back to town if she wanted. She finds something charred and lumps of ash at the bottom. (Of one of the cannon barrels? Don’t know)

She investigates further in case this is a sort of tasty Skabb-snack, and wafts some of the dust away. She can see some sort of bracers? I think? What bigjobs strap to their forearms. Covered in ash. The turn order appears. Wait - what? Hold on… What?

Just Grabby has to roll so far. It’s a surprise round on the part of the other party in this fight, so we don’t know it’s happening yet. Does 29 hit Grabster? Yes. she takes 13 Fire and 7 Negative as a bolt of strange coloured fire shoots towards her. She has to make a Will save: 28, which is a success! The Witchfire Warden has rolled a 40 on its stealth initiative, which doesn’t worry us at all.

Grabby has been struck by a bolt of green fire, and it hurt, but she is not taking persistent damage - even as the fire persists around her. She can’t hide while illuminated by this fire. She hears a voice of an old woman in her head; it laughs. It sounds like the witch who raised Skabb, oddly.

It’s Grabby’s turn; she legs it and tries to get inside Augustus’ mouth. She is still on fire, though again, not taking damage; she just can’t hide. Skabb gives her a healing potion which gives her HP back but does nothing about the fire. Skabb does a recall knowledge. She has heard of these things but can’t place where, or remember any details.

Grabby hears the voice laughing in her head again. “Leaving so soon? Come back, with your friends!” She sticks her middle fingers up in the direction of the thing.

Nadia peers into the room; she sees the columns with the monsters in, but can’t see any source of a voice. She won’t go in first, because last time she did that she wasted one of Hartvig’s high level spell slots to heal her. Sprocket could use his Wand of Faerie Fire Revealing if someone can point out the direction the voice came from; Skabb does so using her Wand of See Invisibility, and they both win Hero Points for tactics.

Sprocket hops onto Skabb’s shoulder, holding his wand like a rifle. They roll initiative, opting to go fast rather than quietly. Skabb goes first, and they go together on her initiative. Does a 34 hit her? She checks to see if it’s a crit; it is. She gets hit in the face with a bolt of ghostly fire. All of her skin is ablaze. She makes a Will save: 27. She has Weakness to Fire for one round, but she sees a strange creature wreathed in flame: The DM pings it on the map. She points so Sprocket can see where to fire his wand. He casts Revealing Light from his wand, and the creature makes a save: 22, which is a fail and it is revealed:

Sprocket does a Recall Knowledge but gets his second-ever crit fail. They get out of Dodge. The rest of us roll initiative and get involved.

The witchfire warden goes next and lobs some fire bolts at Hartvig. “Nope. No thank you.” He takes some fire and negative damage and makes a Will save: 22, which is a fail. He is alight with green flames and has Weakness 5 to fire.

Nadia gets hit as well, and invokes her Contract to negate the critical failure on her Will save. She takes 42 damage, and is also Weak to Fire 5 until the curse is removed. Hartvig kindly does her a big Heal, deciding that her gun does more damage than his Bloodspray Curse, in spite of encouragement to the contrary from Sprocket and Nadia herself. He heals her back to full!

Skabb’s turn. Can Sprocket slide off Skabb’s lap like a toddler as a free action? He can. Skabb casts Frostbite but the warden makes the save.

Sprocket casts Boost Eidolon, and Augustus will trundle up to the Warden. He can’t quite get into melee so he takes cover instead.

Luna shoots and is very displeased to learn that 27 IS A MISS. We all recalculate. Can she Hero Point it? Yes, but the next roll is worse. She goes again: another miss. “Rats. Sorry.”

Jorg’ath will need two actions to get amongst it but he does, and uses his last action to use his new toy: the Bloodgorger Scythe! Hartvig: “GORGE on that blood!” He does 16 slashing (it takes 6) and 7 Force damage (it takes all of that). It reacts to shoot some Witchfire at him: 33 hits, he takes 10 fire, 11 Negative and a Will save. He fails and gets the flames, and Weakness to Fire 5.

Nadia does a Pistol Twirl - her 22 Deception doesn’t work. She shoots, misses, Hero Points and crits! She does 31 damage, but it takes 21. She pops around the corner out of the way. Her crit effect forces a Fortitude save or it will be stunned, but it makes the save.

It’s the Warden’s turn, so it does its Witchfire Caress on Jorg’ath. “Stop touching me. It’s creepy.” (Hartvig: “‘I will caress you with this combine harvester’.”) It hits and does damage and then some more on Hartvig: 35 damage - wait, he gets a save, phew. He rolls a red 12. He should Hero Point that, or the damage is doubled. He rolls again but it’s still a crit fail, which brings the damage to 70 and he’s down. Good news is it can’t do it again for four rounds…?

He makes a death save, and fails it. We start making plans to get him back up, because he just used his last Hero Point. “That rather ruined what I was planning to do. As usual.” (Jorg’ath suggests a group meeting to see if we just leave him on the floor to die.)

Skabb has a spell she can try; Ice Storm. Can she position it to get the Warden and not Jorg’ath? Yes she can. (I am still doing my nails and I didn't document if she hit or missed, sorry.)

Sprocket and Augustus use Work Together, and Sprocket summons Katy Perry to Heal Hartvig, yay! Hartvig will accept the 39 hit points, which brings him up to 39 and Wounded 1. Augustus moves so he gets some cover behind one of the monster barrels.

The flames disappear from Skabb’s skin, hurrah. “Thank you for making me not on fire any more.” The rest of us are still cursed, even Hartvig who died and came back. “I’m still screaming.”

Luna’s turn. “Hmm. Well. Can I shoot past Jorg’ath?” She can. Better numbers… 30! Yay! It takes no damage and has no blood to bleed, but she did hit it. It ignores the first ten damage of bludgeoning piercing and slashing. “Even if the bow is magical?” Well, if it wasn’t, the Warden would ignore the first 20. “… I see.” Demoralised, Luna doesn’t want to try again. Sprocket asks if she has any items she could use. Luna, irritated: “Oh, all right, I’ll look in the bag!” Sprocket, looking over her shoulder: “… Why have you got soap??” Luna: “Don’t question me.” She wins a Hero point.

She does a Recall Knowledge and crits! Incorporeal undead allied to a hag that died in agony or rage. Usually reside in bogs or swamps, and can summon will’o’wisps. Immune to death effects, a bunch of other shit that I can't type fast enough to get down, resistant 10 to everything except force or positive damage (something else as well) and its weakest save is Fortitude. Heal it!

Jorg’ath jams his fist down his throat and gets his gozz on, forcing a Reflex save, which it makes with a 42.

Nadia pours her last healing grenade into her new gun and shoots - and crits! Damaging the warden for 18 physical and 20 healing, and healing Jorg’ath by the same amount! That’s her turn, though, and she’s standing in the open now.

The Warden uses its turn to summon a will’o’wisp… Right in front of Nadia. The warden caresses Jorg’ath again, and he’s getting quite tired of it now. The will’o’wisp gets two turns and crits against Nadia. Only 50 little damage. Then 15 more, but she’s still just on her feet.

Hartvig next, and he will Heal Nadia again. “I’ll just give it the top levels, until I run out of these.” 32, and 21 healing for Nadia, and he runs away.

Skabbins next. She does Vitality Lash, which is Positive damage and a Fortitude save, but meets it beats it. It takes half damage, so 9. Skabb: “Woohoo!” That’s her turn.

Sprocket will maintain Katy Perry, and then has Augustus use Eidolon’s Wrath which does 22 damage if the Warden makes the saving throw, which is only 18. It narrowly completely obliterates it with a 38 so Katy Perry flanks the Warden with Jorg’ath instead. She passes through the Warden’s space, and gets a Witchflame Caress. 40 to hit; “Let me just check its AC… Is there such a thing as a double critical?” Apparently there is, because Katy Perry receives 38 damage, doubled, and explodes.

Luna will whip out her Healing Wand “but [Sprocket] has gone to the toilet and I need him to help me…” Sprocket helps her when he gets back. She must move forward to get in range, and uses it to Heal Jorg’ath again. Can she shoot the warden as well? Yes, the DM says. 17 doesn’t hit.

Jorg’ath next and he will Rage and give it a good Gozzin’. Oh, shit, he can’t do that again for ten minutes. He hits it with the Bloodgorger Scythe instead and crits! 44 damage, and then he does Root in Blood:

Metal as fuck, but unfortunately the Warden doesn’t bleed. Balls. What’s the crit effect of his scythe? Target is moved five feet in the direction of his choice. It moves to the south, and then he steps forward to twat it again. 23, Hero Point, 14. “Aw, I drop my scythe.” He wins a Hero Point for finally getting it flanked.

Nadia does more damage/healing with her grenade, and takes out Alkonost to stab the will’o’wisp. 26 misse- wait, it was elite, and it shouldn’t be. 26 still misses, as does a 17. She headbutts it for her last attack and crits! 11 damage, and she wins a Hero point.

The Warden does some more caressing. It’s a bit handsy, isn’t it, this thing? It crits against Jorg’ath, 33 fire and 17 negative, and then throws a witch bolt at Skabb. She is around a corner and adds two to her AC which doesn’t help at all, as it crits. 24 fire and 2 negative damage. The one at Hartvig misses. “Yay! I got other worries.”

Skabb uses a wand of force barrage - howdy doodis! “With great fucking pleasure.” The will'o'wisp vaporises as it dies. Skabb would like to take a dump in here as well, so disgusted is she by the whole existence of the warden. As she is dragging her nasty buttocks across the floor like a dog, she finds some Type 1 Bracers of Armour; and not before time, a bag of holding!

Can we line Augustus with it? Give him a prosthetic tummy? Yes!

Is there anything we can do to lay this bitch to rest, Skabb asks aloud, and we all turn to Hartvig. If we don’t, she says, the horrible bitch could come back.

The bag of holding is full of broken clocks; can Nadia make something with them? Like some sort of wind up guy with a bomb inside?

Hartvig thinks that the only way to get rid of the warden permanently is to kill all the monsters in here, but he very much thinks we should just fuck off instead. There are a lot of monsters in here. Skabb spots a gibtas - she has ridden around on one of these, on one of the upper levels. It’s an evolved version, in here.

Sprocket does some Risky Surgery on Hartvig, who is a bit fed up this week. He put his head into the room, cast Heal a bunch and got killed. We want to go back to town to see if anyone there can cure curses, as he and several others are still alight with green flames. (Reminder for me: Nadia wants to make some bombs and take a look at that clockwork.)

[gilbertkingelisa]

“I’m Here For You” #Embrace #PeopleWatching #BnwPhotography #Trust #Stability #FathersandDaughters #FathersDay #BigJobs #Reading #BNW #Beauty #BlackandWhitePhotography #Noir #GilbertKingElisa https://www.instagram.com/p/CQW6s2XHvzz/?utm_medium=tumblr

[letitgojunkremovalsinc]

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[brunhielda]

“‘Ye’ve got that little bitty bit inside o’ you that holds on, right? The bitty bit that watches the rest o’ ye. ‘Tis the First Sight and Second Thoughts ye have, and ’tis a wee gift an’ a big curse to ye. You see and hear what others canna’, the world opens up its secrets to ye, but ye ‘re always like the person at the party with the wee drink in the corner who cannae join in. There’s a little bitty bit inside ye that willnae melt and flow. ‘Ye have the First Sight and the Second Thoughts, just like yer granny. That’s rare in a bigjob.”

Kelda to Tiffany, Wee Free Men

I had never felt so seen in my entire life. The idea that this made me IMPORTANT instead of just impossible to understand, brought me to tears.

The way Pratchett understood people is what brings me back to his works again and again.

It makes me wonder about the books that didn’t hit me quite so hard.

Am I going to run into a Rincewind someday?

Or a Juliet?

Or even (in some wild adventure) the Librarian?

I hope when I meet Death someday he is as kind as Terry’s version. Or at least have felt as seen as I was by the character meant for them.

Guards! Guards! was not the first Discworld book I read but it is the one that punched my angsty, edgy thirteen-year-old self in the face. I have never had a book hit me like that since. Nothing has ever picked me up by the scruff of the neck and shown me my own face in the mirror that way.

I was angsting around, all "the world is terrible" and "people are evil" and "humans are a blight upon the earth" and "everyone is stupid" and Vimes showed up and said, "Yeah, and?"

So what? So they're stupid and petty - save them anyway. So they're selfish - save them anyway. So it's all fucked and there's never going to be a happy ending - save them anyway. Do it anyway. You don't get to opt out of caring just because they're grubby and ignorant and reactionary and petty because so are you and that's all we've got.

No other book has ever changed my worldview in one blow before or since. I reckon that's something that can only happen to you when you're a teenager anyway. But I've never quite gotten over it.