#biggest change between the two versions ill make of the house is that the one when kurama owns it will have like 10x more plants LOL

[rouge-the-bat]

god i wish i had a good computer to run sims 4 on bc i want to build my idea of kuramas house so fucking bad

[miloscat]

[Review] Sonic Unleashed (PS3)

Modern(er) Sonic truly starts here.

Sonic Team kept pumping out the games in this era, with at least one game per year. But between racing spinoffs and Wii experiments, Unleashed stands out, a big budget blowout that represents a much needed refresh after the ignominious Sonic 06.

The Japanese title of Sonic World Adventure gives you an idea of the structure: it’s sort of like the Adventure games with levels accessed via hubs, plus NPCs and sidequests to do in between, but now we’re travelling the world! The story has Mobius breaking into pieces (taking cues from Star Fox Adventures, might I say) which Sonic must restore by visiting places inspired by real-world locations.

The locations have a lot of character, whether it’s small African or South East Asian towns, or European or Middle Eastern cities, helped by the lovely score using appropriate styles and instruments. Although the hubs are quite small, they’re packed with detail and people to chat to. And the people have fabulous and distinctive cartoony designs this time! I love this version of Sonic’s world even if the pastiche is a bit on the nose at times.

The story also strikes a good tone, with the world-ending stakes balanced by a bit of goofiness; Eggman’s bluster is punctured by a sassy proto-Orbot, while Sonic’s biggest allies are the silly mascot creature Chip and the bumbling Professor Pickle. Tails is there for occasional exposition and aeroplane rides, and Amy is also present… just imagine if she ever got to do anything besides obsess over Sonic!! Otherwise there are no returning characters which feels jarring but lets them put more focus on Sonic and Chip’s dynamic, I guess…

Of course the big gimmick of the game is the duality of Day and Night. Due to plot shenanigans, Sonic is now a werewolf (or “werehog”, a nonsensical designation etymologically speaking) and takes on a monstrous form at nighttime. With this, 50% of the game uses an entirely new gameplay style, one of the more divisive choices in this game’s legacy.

Night stages play out as slow-paced beat em ups, part of the seismic impact that God of War had on the gaming world at the time I suppose. Werehog Sonic is brawny and smashy, with Lanky Kong-style stretchy arms. This also plays into ill-advised werehog puzzle-platforming sections. The combat is fine for what it is, sweeping attacks and strong focused attacks, aerial juggling if you can manage it (I couldn’t), picking up and throwing small foes, unlocking new combos. There’s also quick time event finishers, but beyond the most basic of enemies I found the timers on these way too tight to be practical, so never used them. An experience system pervades the game and lets you up the werehog’s many stats; this is very necessary while daytime Sonic’s paltry two stats feel tacked on and less useful.

The sheer length of Night levels makes them feel more tiresome, with half an hour being a normal duration. This compounds if you get stuck on a tricky section with scarce checkpoints. Sonic games have often housed alternate gameplay styles, but this style feels like a mere genre copycat while seemingly replacing the inclusion of the rich supporting cast. This combined with damage spongey and hard-hitting enemies, a shallow guard/dodge mechanic, and questionable platforming, and I do end up with concerns about their implementation.

On the other hand, Day stages make a bold move by incorporating the boost mechanic from Dimps's Rush into Sonic Team's 3D headliner. This is a divisive change itself, although I like what it adds to the basic gameplay loop (as long as you're not just killed instantly for using it). Other new abilities like walljumping, drifting, and quickstepping join the returning stomp, slide, light speed dash, and homing attack (with reticle). These stages keep the pace up and use a lot of gimmicks—including Rivals' innovation of the boosters that spit you out in different directions based on your input—and smoothly transition between 3D and 2D for (I think) the first time. This template carries forward in future games, and I enjoyed seeing it emerging fully formed here after the fumbling steps that directly preceded Unleashed. The intense speed can lead to a lot of cheap deaths in later levels unfortunately, and we still have the issue of lives to deal with.

The final level deserves special mention, an immense gauntlet that uniquely switches you between Day and Night as you proceed through. My initial attempt with around 30 lives in hand met with disaster HALF AN HOUR in, so all of my progress up to that point was lost. Fun! This led to an hours-long session of farming for lives, exploiting the inventory system to gradually accrue infinite money, buying stacks of food items, and laboriously chowing down to get paltry experience points before my next attempt. I love it when a game wastes my time! Of course the second time I cleared it with 90 lives remaining but it still took 45 effing minutes! I think if you're putting extra life pickups directly after half your checkpoints, it might be a sign that you should rethink the system, or break up the level, or at least tone down the difficulty. For goodness' sake. Oh and the final boss fight that follows it sucks too.

Unleashed feels unbalanced. It's obviously got a budget, with high production value FMV cutscenes and big levels full of detail. You only really have to play them once though, so they stuff the game full of padding that encourages you to spend more time in the game world as if they're struggling to justify themselves: dozens of sidequests, hot dog challenge runs of the regular stages with time/ring/destruction goals, collectibles to fill the gallery. Not to mention the many DLC packs that all up nearly double the number of stages to play. It's all optional, but you are obligated to do at least some side stuff to have enough EXP to level up the werehog.

Despite the high-budget feel, the game still sadly suffers from performance problems. Not nearly as bad as Sonic 06, good heavens no, but enough to cause some frustration from frame loss and hitching. The framerate is very unsteady, even tanking in cutscenes when werehog Sonic is on-screen as the fur rendering overtaxes the game engine. Of course these drops can affect the reaction windows in gameplay and therefore the difficulty, but they also just make me wonder if Sonic Team are ever going to get themselves together. Yes I know the PS3 was hard to develop for, etc. etc. and so on and so forth.

Tomoya Ohtani is again very well deployed as soundtrack director, with highlights including the main vocal track “Endless Possibility”, the oft-reused Rooftop Run Day track, and the jaunty town tracks (Shamar is my favourite). The Night level tracks are jazzy and fun, but having one singular track break in and take over whenever combat starts—which is very often—was a poor choice that undermines the strength of the diverse soundtrack.

Unleashed was eye-opening for me in how much it established that would persist in Sonic games for the next ten years. Soon I'll even play the rest of the games in between it and Forces to see for myself! But of course, the HD version of Unleashed is only half the story... well, a bit less than that if you count Gameloft's mobile phone versions, which I do because they're quite good Rush-inspired 2D games from the peak of the J2ME era. But the PS2/Wii version of Unleashed is Dimps's first 3D game, and I'm very keen to see another take on this and whether it corrects some of the imbalances of the HD version. You might say that the possibilities are endless...?

[twoidiotwriters1]

Iron 10 (Peter Parker x Fem!Oc)

Words:  3, 238

Masterlist

Chapter 9

"And how am I supposed to learn to control them if they forbid me to do anything?" Lily asks from the back seat.

“We’ll talk to your father. Depending on what happens, we’ll send them the necessary equipment,” informs Fury.

"Depending on what happens?"

"Legal aspects.”

"As which?"

"Lily, one problem at a time," Nat interrupts.

“Fine. Where are we going?"

"Do you want a donut?"

"Sure!"

The van pulls up outside the Randy’s Donuts store, Fury comes out. They both look at him from inside the car. Tony’s sitting on the huge donut.

"Why did we come for him?” She grits her teeth, remembering the annoyance towards her father.

"You two should talk," Nat says.

"I don’t want to.”

"If you want us to help you, that is the condition.”

Lily turns away from the window and folds her arms looking at the redhead.

"You didn't say anything about conditions.”

"Now there are.”

"It's not fair,” She sighs and then looks at Nat's outfit. "Why do you wear that? Is it your super spy uniform?"

 "Something like that. You like it?"

“You look weird, but I like it. Do you have weapons or explosives?"

“Perhaps."

The agent receives an order from her intercom. She responds and returns to the girl.

"Come on, I'll buy you a donut."

They both get out of the truck and enter the premises. Nat asks Lily a chocolate donut and walks to the chairs where Tony and Fury are, while the girl takes the donut from her and sits in an armchair away from them, with her back to them.

"Huh!" Tony says when he sees Natasha in a new outfit "You're... fired.”

"That's not up to you,” answers the redhead sitting down.

"Tony, I want you to meet Agent Romanoff,” adds Fury.

“Hi."

"I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. shadow. Once we knew you were ill or out of control, I was tasted to you by Director Fury. Besides taking care of your daughter in risky situations,” She tilts her head towards Lily.

Tony frowns and looks away to meet the little girl, eating a donut while she swings her legs. He goes back to the redhead.

"I suggest you apologize,” answers Tony.

"You've been very busy," continues Fury. “You made your girl your CEO, you’re giving away your stuff, you neglect your daughter without taking into account the high priority over her powers, you let your friend fly way with your suit. Now, if I did’nt know better—”

 Tony rolls his eyes. Again, someone else scolding him for whatever stupid thing he does. Although he now knows that he did screw up, he doesn't want to hear it again. He has enough with his own mind.

"You don't know better. I didn’t give it to him. He took it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, He took it?" asks Fury. “You’re Iron Man and he just took it? The Little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit?" He says. “Is that possible?"

“Well, according to Mr. Stark’s database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage,” answers Nat.

Tony snorts.

"What do you want from me?"

“What do we want from you? Uh-uh,” Fury says as Natasha gets up. “What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe,” He scolds him.

In that, Natasha injects something into Tony making him scream. The conversation is overheard by Lily, but only when he complains does she turn around.

"Oh, god, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?" Tony asks.

Natasha moves Tony's head and Fury sees the lines on Stark's neck slowly disappear.

Fury explains what the substance they just injected does to him.

“Give me a couple of boxes of that. I'll see right as rain."

"It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms,” Nat explains.

"You need to get back to work, Stark," Fury says and Tony sighs. "And by Stark, I mean both," He points back.

Lily realizes that he sees her and turns away.

 "I don't think she wants to work as a team now."

“She has her reasons. You are a terrible companion.”

***

They all return home to Malibu. Tony and Nick sit on the terrace, now destroyed. They both talk about the reactor, the technology that Howard Stark couldn't finish, and about Vanko father and son.

Fury takes it upon himself to explain everything to Tony, while Lily returns from her room after making sure that no one had destroyed her. Nat had told him what happened with Rhodes and Tony.

The little girl walks to sit on the stairs that lead to the terrace, listening to the adults.

“You told me I hadn't tried everything. What do you mean I haven’t tried everything? What haven’t I tried?" Tony points out.

"He said that you were the only person with the means and knowledge to finish what he started.”

"He said that?"

“Are you that guy? Hmm? Are you? ‘Cause if you are, then you can solve the riddle of your heart. Or maybe, I should be discussing this with your daughter."

Tony winces and shakes his head. Lily frowns.

"I don't know where you get your information, but he wasn't my biggest fan," says Tony.

"I'm not either," adds Lily, resting her chin on her arm. Tony glances at her.

"What do you remember about your dad?"

This catches the girl's attention.

 “He was cold, he was calculating. He never told me he loved me. He never even told me he liked me, so it’s a Little tough for me to digest then you’re telling me he said the whole future was riding on me an’s passing it down. I don't get that."

Hearing that, Lily feels a little sorry for Tony. Only a little. She imagines how  could be her grandfather when Tony was her age.

"You're talking about a guy whose happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding School.”

"That’s not true.”

"Well, then, clearly you knew my dad better than I did.”

“As a matter of fact, I did. You can believe and think many things about him, but knowing all that, do you really want Lily to think the same about you?" says Fury and then finishes his drink. More agents appear to drop off several suitcases. "Well then, what else will I know about one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

"What?"

All three get up. Lily walks over to see the suitcase.

"What’s this?" Tony asks pointing at her.

"You got this, right?" asks Fury.

"Got what? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to get,” answers Tony nervously.

“Natasha will remain a floater at Stark with her cover of her intact. And you remember Agent Coulson, right?"

“Yeah."

They both greet each other.

 "Oh, and Tony,” says Fury before leaving. "After you fix this whole mess, we should talk about Lily's new training, she needs it more than you do. And remember, I got my eye on you.”

The latter makes Lily laugh.

Natasha and Coulson explain to Tony what to do and what not to do, while Lily walks over to the suitcase.

Property of H.Stark

"Okay, time to work, Kid," says Tony.

“No," Lily walks away. "We've been together for several hours and you haven't even apologized, and now you're just hoping that I'll help you?"

Tony raises an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably.

“Basically."

Lily looks at him in disbelief.

"I don't want to, I won't help you,” She says and then returns to her room.

***

The truth is that Lily does want to help him, but she knows he doesn't deserve it. Moreover, she cannot be alone in her room doing nothing. She wants to know what’s in that suitcase, but she doesn't want Tony to find out about her.

An idea crosses her mind. She may not be the stealthiest, but she is the only thing she has. She goes into the living room of her destroyed house and presses the hidden button on the emergency elevator that goes alone to the workshop. She enters it and after a few seconds arrives at the workshop.

 All the lights are off and Tony is sitting in an armchair facing a projection. Lily sneaks up behind the old project.

They both watch the old Howard Stark tapes, rehearsing the presentation of what is now Stark Expo. The man has several mistakes with words, but something else calls him the attention to the girl. Just as a little boy comes out the other side of the desk where Howard presents a model. The boy takes one of the pieces and Howard notices.

“Tony, what are you doing back there? What is that? Put that back!” He scolds him.

Lily leans in to get a better look at the boy version of her father. Now she can see the resemblance between Howard and Tony when scolding their children, but is also fun to watch.

Several takes with more errors follow.

“So, from all of us at Stark Industries, I’d like to personally show you my ass,” says Howard. Lily can't help but laugh at his words, giving away her presence. Although Tony had listened to her since she arrived.

"I know you're in there, kid. You're too curious to miss this,” She comes out of her hiding place, crawling on the ground until she reaches the other side of the projector.

"I'm still mad.”

Tony sighs.

"I know,” He leans in the chair and sets aside a notebook.

“Tony," says Howard causing both of them to return to the screen. “You’re too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put this film for you. I built this for you. And Someday you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people’s inventions. It represents my life’s work. This is the key to the future,” He shows the model and the reactor. “I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation… is you,” The tape ends.

 "Do you think Grandpa Howard would love me?" Lily asks when the lights come on.

Tony laughs when he hears ‘Grandpa Howard’, he’s sure he wouldn’t like to be called that.

"I don’t know. Maybe he would love you more than me,” He looks at Lily.

"I am more adorable than you.”

Tony nods, unable to fight back. He sighs. He thinks about the words of his father and wonders why he was never like this with him when they were together. Why does he have to find out about this from a tape or from other people? Then he thinks of his own daughter and Fury's words come back to him.

Tony doesn't want Lily to grow up thinking that he was worse than Howard, he knows what he did.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you that day," He begins.

"And?" She says crossing her arms.

"And sorry for what you had to witness at the party.”

"And?"

Tony purses his lips.

“I'm sorry I failed you. I shouldn't have left you alone, or yell at you, or lie to you.”

"Nat told me that your chest was killing you,” He nods. "Didn't it occur to you to ask for help?"

“It is somewhat complicated. When you say that you are dying, everyone panics.”

"But then they help you.”

 "I guess so.”

Lily feels a lump in her throat. Just remembering that, she again feels afraid of losing her father without even knowing something about what was really going on.

"I don't like that you hide things from me or lie to me," she says with a broken voice.

“Sorry."

"No, you must promise that you won’t do it again,” she interrupts him.

Tony watches Lily's determination.

"I promise.”

“Mr. Fury said we are a team. You must do your part,” she says as she gets up.

"Mr. Fury?"

"Dad!"

"Okay, okay, I got it!” He argues. In that he remembers an unfinished business. Tony stayed for a moment in the destroyed mansion and as he passed through the kitchen he saw a burned box on the sides.

He walks over to his desk with Lily following him. He removes the remains from the box and carefully takes the gift from him.

"It's a good try…”

"But you didn't even open it," she complains.

"I'm sorry, but you were missing some details.”

Lily rolls her eyes.

 "I put it together by watching a video, it's not as if you had explained each part to me.”

“That can change. Do you remember the rules we agreed upon the first time you were in the workshop?" She nods. “Forget the question limit. From now on, you must ask.”

Lily can't help but smile.

“Agree."

"So, are we good now?"

"Yup, but if you do something wrong, I'll tell Mr. Fury to scold you again."

"He didn't scold me," He complains.

"Whatever you say. Now what shall we do?"

Tony sighs and then winces.

“I must go to Pepper, stay here and cover me with the secret agents. I will not be late.”

"Good luck.”

***

After a few hours, Tony returns with the demo that his father had shown on the tapes. He arms it on various tables.

“Cool," says Lily approaching.

Tony orders Jarvis to scan every detail so he can manipulate it, he takes the hologram and moves it away from the table.

“Open your eyes wide, Kid. The answer to our problems is here,” says Tony giving her a bench and he sits on another. They both look at the model.

"What do we have to look for?"

"A new element.”

“Easy," she says sarcastically.

"My father put it here, we just have to move some things,” He brings the projection towards the center, a sphere.

"He must have something at the core," Tony whispers.

Lily sees what is around.

"What if…?”

"What?"

"What if we put everything together?"

Tony frowns, but an idea crosses his mind.

Little by little, Tony is gathering the important aspects towards the center of the Expo and in each step, he’s explaining Lily. In the end he manages to find a new element, the possible solution to the problem of intoxication.

"Dead for almost twenty years, and still taking me to school,” He says watching his creation. "Nice work, Kid.”

She smiles.

"How will you make it work?" She asks.

"Unfortunately, it’s impossible to synthesize," reports Jarvis.

Tony gets up from his chair.

“Get ready for a major remodel, fellas! We're back in hardware mode. C’mon, kid.”

Between Lily and Tony - mostly Tony - they break down some walls, open the floor and use any energy source in the mansion to connect it to the workshop part. They both open some boxes that S.H.I.E.L.D left them and use every material they have on hand.

"Hold the lamp," Tony tells her.

"It's what I'm doing,” Lily claims while she also tries to see what Tony is doing.

"More to the right.”

"What does that do?"

“Gives more energy. Bring the lamp closer…”

In the meantime, neither of them notices that Phil walks into the shop.

"I heard you broke the perimeter,” says the agent.

"Whoops" says Lily.

"Uh, yeah. That was, like, three years ago. Where have you been?" Tony answers.

"I was doing some stuff.”

"Yeah, well, us too, and it worked.”

Coulson checks the boxes. He pulls out some kind of unfinished shield.

"What’s that?" asks Lily.

“It’s exactly what we need to make this work. Lily, take it,” She obeys. "Lift the coil,” He says to Coulson and between them they lift it up a bit. Enough for Lily to put it under. Tony sets the leveler. “Perfectly level. I'm busy what do you want?"

 Coulson warns him that he must go on another mission and says goodbye.

"Glad to see you are a part of it, Lily.”

"It was not easy,” she answers making him laugh.

The hours pass and they both go back to work. In the end, Tony gives Lily some special glasses and explains what they will do.

The energy is concentrated in the device.

"Initializing prismatic accelerator," reports Jarvis. Suddenly a fine laser is projected and reflected off a material.

"Get behind me,” Tony orders him.

Stark operates the machine with the laser, but not before cutting part of the wall where he directs it.

"Oh oh.”

“Oops!"

With difficulty, the laser reaches the small inverted triangle that Tony prepared so that the power would be trapped there. After a few minutes, they turn off the machine. Tony approaches and with tweezers takes the triangle and puts it in the reactor. The item’s accepted.

"We did it?" Lily asks.

“We did it."

She sighs in relief, right now she feels the exhaustion. She walks over to the couch and sits on it.

"Wake me up when we're in trouble," she warns him.

"Why would we be in trouble?"

 "Rhodey says we have that talent.”

"Makes sense.”

In that a beep is heard.

"Incoming call and with a blocked number, sir,” warns Jarvis.

“My phone privilege is reinstated. Lovely. Kid, we have the phone back!"

“Great," she answers from the couch.

"Coulson. How’s the land of enchantment?"

"Hey. Tony. How you doing?” The voice is unknown to Lily so she settles in the chair and leans out. "I doubled cycle."

"You what?"

“You told me double cycle’s more power. Good advice.”

"You sound pretty sprightly for a dead guy.”

"What?" whispers Lily. She gets up and walks over to Tony. He makes a sign so that she doesn't make noise.

"You too,” answers the man.

Tony removes his microphone from the call.

"Trace him,” he orders Jarvis.

“Now, the true history of Stark name will be written. Your secrets will be revealed at any moment."

"What is he talking about, dad?"

Tony ignores her and keeps checking the call.

 “What your father did to my family over forty years, I will do to you in forty minutes and I will make sure your offspring disappear. I hope you're ready,” He says, and then hangs up.

Tony sees Justin Hammer's announcement at Stark Expo on another screen, and based on the coordinates of the call, Vanko may have something planned for the event. He gets up and takes the new reactor.

"Dad?"

Stark replaces the reactor in his chest, after coughing a bit, the man feels the difference.

"Time to go,” He says walking towards his armor.

"Hey! No. You promised—”

"I have to go, Lily."

“But, you must tell me what happens. You promised not to lie to me,” She gets in her way. He sighs.

"Vanko, the man who tried to kill me in Monaco, wants to do something at the Expo and I have to stop him.”

“What does he plan to do?"

"I'm not sure. You must stay here. I'll talk to Fury about sending agents here. Turn on the TV, I'm sure they'll put it on,” He continues on his way.

“Dad," He turns again. "Be careful, please.”

Tony smiles and nods.

"Stay in the workshop in case I need your help.”

"You got it.”

Taglist:

@silenthappyplace​​ @yourbonesareinmybody​ @aylauwuuniverse    @skittles-skittles​ @hufflepuffzutara​ @poetryislife0715 @21bruhs​ @heavenlymistakes​ @my-love-of-books​ @dielgonacoffee​

[partnersatfazbear]

Midnight Motorist - An Essay

I promised this awhile ago, but my thoughts on Midnight Motorist... This mini-game has literally kept me awake for hours on two separate occasions trying to figure it out, lol! So, reading the Updated Freddy Files *suggests, not confirms* that Toy Chica: The High School Years may be how William lured each child. I made notes on this, of course.

Although I listed who was used as a stand in for each, it has no bearing on the actual child killed.

The first, represented by Foxy, is already dead. I assumed this was a stand in for Norman/CC.

Second, represented by Freddy, was lured away with promises to help with homework.

Third, represented by Wolf. Run over their dog. We all know this is referring to Susie/Chica.

Fourth, represented by Toy Bonnie. It was suggested that their house be set on fire and then Chica uses her body to put out the flames. Best I could settle for this one was perhaps pulling a fire alarm at the restaraunt, or something similar.

Fifth, Funtime Foxy. Live hostages. Presumably luring a child away with promises that their friend / missing friend is in the back room.

Sixth, the Puppet. This one is the most interesting and why I'm including it here. Chica says "I'll come over to their house later, maybe break through a window, or set the house on fire and smoke them out [IIRC, I am paraphrasing a little]" The window, in my honest opinion, has to refer to Midnight Motorist. Scott has made a point of adding things in a following game to clarify the game before (starting at least since Sister Location). With the other one referencing Susie and Fruity Maze, I think this theory holds up, although it doesn't really help solve Midnight Motorist I think it's very important to note. (William has as much of an obsession with fire as Henry, huh?)

Lastly, there is Pigpatch. It's implied William would have knocked out a child and told them he rescued them after being "kidnapped". I really like this one.

The number of victims adds up to the number of children: BV, Freddy, Foxy, Bonnie, Chica, Golden Freddy, and Puppet.

Now that that's out of the way, I feel this heavily implies the footprints outside the window in MM are William's. The feet match the Glitchtrap suit, which most of us assume is a prototype for Spring Bonnie. Not only that, but obviously the springlock suits wouldn't work in the rain. Second, if you take some logic to it and see Charlotte as the first victim (no suit, no hiding the body, developing MO) then this killing would be the start of his MO--kind of an "in-between" point where he's evolving. Now, as to who the people in the house are...

In my fic, I kept the general idea that it was William as mustard man (thank you MatPat, this is my fav name for our mysterious fellow). Mostly because despite the evidence listed there is still a ton of evidence supporting it:

Later That Night - this is the name of the game file for MM.

Rain - Due to the in-game rain and this title its heavily implied to be just after Charlotte's death.

Grey Text - Michael is the only one to have the grey text and has similarities to Chair Person. (Note: I think Matpat did point out the color is slightly different, but it's still grey.)

Purple Car - William is the only one seen with a Purple Car back in one of the mini-games (FNAF 2, IIRC). To further support this, the car is also seen as an easter egg in the Dreadbear DLC of Help Wanted (with purple headlights). This is probably the most damning evidence that Mustard Man is William, in my opinion... but then how do the footprints make sense?

In my fic, I explained it away as footprints from the evening before (it was the best I could muster at the time) but this is super weak :V So this kind of brings us to alternative theories. If it is William, the supporting evidence is... good evidence of that. So, the other options are:

A Child Victim's Family - This is my second favorite theory because I think it could possibly work for, say, TOYSNHK [The One You Should Not Have Killed, hereby pronounced Toy-Shnuck] (who I made Cassidy). The problem with this is the child's gender is referred to as male. And there's a huge debate on Cassidy being female in game lore and TOYSNHK/GF being male. It IS a gender neutral name and wouldn't be the first time Scott changed a gender (see: Puppet), BUT it's pretty weak since all the info we have on TOYSNHK is recent. It could be another child that isn't Susie, though, but why show some random child as opposed to an important one? PizzaSim's games all revolve around specifics like Puppet (the first to die overall) and Susie (the first to die of the main five).

Henry is Mustard Man - This is the theory my wife likes. I can sort of see it and I even considered it at one point, but there isn't much evidence to go on. Why is the car purple is the biggest wrench for me. I also have problems with Mustard Man's attitude ("This is MY house", "He'll be sorry") Even if Henry was torn up about Charlotte, I can't see him treating his kids this way. This would also heavily imply the missing window kid to be Sammy, which hasn't been referenced in the game lore at all. He was barely mentioned in the novel trilogy, even. This also makes Gray Text either Aunt Jen or Henry's wife. There's just not enough to support this, in my opinion.

UPDATE 5/28/21 - Please see this post analyzing Fazbear Fright’s story “What We Found” for a more detailed look at what I’m about to explain that supports the Henry theory: Also from the books, CC / Norman is now referred to as Evan.

For this to work, we must assume Henry is an alcoholic after Charlotte’s death. I think the “later that night” evidence becomes somewhat irrelevant, because if this was the night of Charlotte’s death it wouldn’t really make sense. Part of me wondered if it took place after FNAF 2′s Springtrap cutscene, but the footprints don’t match. It has to be Spring Bonnie or Glitchtrap. Also, Evan and Elizabeth have also died by this point because neither are seen in the mini-game in this theory. You also must assume, based on the story evidence, that Henry married / stayed with Mrs. Afton after William either “died” or they divorced--they had to have been together for an x amount of time as for Mrs. Afton to be living with Henry but also the fact that Mrs. Afton kept Michael and the purple car. Henry using William’s car wouldn’t be unheard of if Mrs. Afton kept the car and the house, I just don’t feel Henry would use it unless he had been using the vehicle awhile. This also explains the Bonnie-esque footprints outside since William would want to come get / visit his kid he’s [most likely] no longer allowed to see. He may even be taking Michael back to the FNAF 4 house (implying that the house we see in MM is Henry’s). Speaking of, if we assume William’s intentions are [likely] bad, he’s probably taking Michael back to experiment with the Funtime-Nightmares, if you believe this theory. I think this theory is probably true considering the random grave (which, in this context has no answer except a Twisted animatronic aka a Nightmare) AND because the blueprints in Sister Location SHOW the Nightmares on the display during Funtime Freddy’s repair, implying they are real and not imagined. This is also assumed to be punishment for Michael killing Evan. I think Michael goes WITH William because of his tumultuous relationship with a now mentally ill and drunkard Henry. Henry probably knows that William killed Charlotte and a common theme in some works is a parent seeing their child (or a murderer) in a child aka Michael reminds Henry of William, so he neglects him (which in itself wouldn’t be out of place for Henry, since he already wasn’t a very attentive parent).

The main issue with this theory is that it sort of assumes that CC was Michael and not Evan. I don’t think that’s the case, though.

While we're on this version, I also want to discuss evidence for the MM driver being drunk. Not only are you driving on the opposite side of traffic, the Files book explicitly states "crashing" into the secret road for the mini-game. Not that Henry couldn't be drunk, especially if he just found Charlotte dead, but... for me personally it seems a stretch. And I already mentioned the car.

William's Father - This is an interesting idea, but the foot prints kind of rule it out. At least there's an explanation for the car, though, right? Still, it doesn't explain the foot prints unless you assume maybe his father was more alike Afton than we thought. But then why bother showing us background on our killer so late with no pay off? I easily dismiss this theory.

A new theory, at least one I haven't seen posed yet:

Vanny - That's right. Vanny. What if she survived/lived? Some leaks even suggest she may be related to the Aftons. Mustard Man's color is similar to Princess Quest's heroine. It explains the footprints, but doesn't explain the car. This would make for a nice foreshadowing of Vanny, IMO, but it’s weak at best.

You know when Matpat discusses "that one puzzle peice that we're missing"? That's this entire mess of a mini-game. Don't get me wrong, the music is bawlin and it's fun to talk about, otherwise I wouldn't write about it, but it is undoubtedly FRUSTRATING.

What are your opinions?

I also wanted to point out some other interesting things from the Files book I haven't seen discussed: There is confirmation of two sets of gold suits. Not only is there the FNAF 2 phone call, but the text specifies between Spring Bonnie/Springtrap and Fredbear/Golden Freddy. IE: FNAF 4 suit is Springtrap but the one from Stage 01 is Spring Bonnie. This could be oversight, but... I don't think it is. I'm sure most of the fandom does ASSUME this anyway, but I felt it was worth noting. (In my fic, they are the same suit, but the second sets are upgraded after the original failures).

The poster behind Scraptrap. Nothing really interesting here, but there is an image of a building with two gargoyle (lion?) statues behind him. Presumably this would be a police station or Fazbear Fright. I just thought it was cool since I never noticed this in the image. My initial thought was this might be a reference to the hospital in Man in 1280, but that’s a stretch.

Jr's. This is the random building in Midnight Motorist in which Green Man says "gtfo" to our Mustard Man. I should mention I feel that is good evidence to it being William or Henry, depending what the building is. We can 100% say it is NOT a bar (in my fic, that's what I used, even though it doesn't make sense. I don't see a drunk person driving to a second bar so close to their home when they could have gone there initially, BUT then I am a home-drinker when I do drink, so I don't know the night life). The Files refer to it as simply "a restaraunt". Whether this IS a FNAF location (also referred to as restaraunts) or just some random eatery, it's something to contemplate. I am in the camp that it isn't FNAF 2, at least.

I have some other things from Fazbear Frights' Blackbird I wanna discuss, too, but I'll wait until the book is out to help you all avoid spoilers.

Now, this is all just my thoughts on it. Please don't take anything too seriously (as Scott says don't rack your brain on this, it's not worth it). I just think these are some points that haven't been discussed before.

Also, if you wanna read my theory on why Scraptrap is partly the Golden Freddy suit, I have that theory here.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk? <-- is that a dated reference? Probably.

[kimnjss]

[ he stands you up ] requested.

@taestannie​: super angsty anniversary weekend where he stands you up.

@houseofarmanto​: forgetting your anniversary.

warnings: there are none?? 

A/N: requests for reactions are now open and without commissions. if you want to send a reaction request in, simply send me an ask!

NAMJOON

It's been six months since you started your relationship with Namjoon and despite his  busy schedule he promised, a million times promised, that he would be able to meet with you for dinner to celebrate the special day. Any other day, any other time, you'd not get your hopes up because you knew how unpredictable his schedule was even if it was premade and solidified. Things came up and you understood that.

But, after seeing the look on his face, hearing the sureness in his voice when he made his promise, you decided that you would trust it and wait up for him. You put on a nice dress, did your hair and makeup prettily and waited for him to come pick you up, a large smile on your face.

As the hours ticked by, your smile seemed to fade and your patience began to wither. An hour, you could understand with him being late. If you remembered correctly, he had a busy day ahead of him so an hour late was expected. But four hours!? Four whole hours and not a single phone call?

To say you were livid would be an understatement. With a huff, you were kicking your heels from your feet, and trudging up the stairs to take all of this gunk off of your face and go to bed. Night completely ruined.

As you were wiping at your eyeliner, your phone lit up beside you. The smiling picture of you and Namjoon doing it's job in annoying you as a message from his truly popped up onto the screen.

[23:19] ♡ joonie ♡ : OHMYGOD!? BABY. im sooo fucking sorry, i forgot. im not even going to act like i didn't, because i really forgot.

[23:21] ♡ joonie ♡ : and don't take this to think ur not important to me, bc ur the most important thing to me... i just got caught up in the studio.

[23:26] ♡ joonie ♡ : im running home now, ready to make it up to u. please don't be mad!!

Setting your phone down, you shook your head, turning your attention back to your reflection in the mirror. You knew he meant his apologies and that he wasn't lying when he said that you were important to him.

If only this had just been the first time he forgot about you.

JIN

A hundred days together was a big deal. To you and Jin. He had woke you up this morning with the biggest of smiles ready to tell you exactly what today was, as if you'd forget. Like most days, Jin had to work, and of course you didn't mind. You were looking forward to when he'd come home.

There was no way he hadn't planned something fun for the two of you to do tonight and you couldn't wait to figure out what it was. Jin liked to keep things interesting when it came to your relationship, always surprising you and willing to spice things up.

Even after one hundred days, you could genuinely say that there has never been a bored moment between the two of you. Whether he was making you laugh with his corny jokes or if you were teaching each other new recipes, there was always something for you to do. Something fun that you could enjoy together.

Throughout the entire day, you couldn't help but think up what something special would he have planned for you two. Ideas changing the later in the day it got. The romantic walk where the two of you watched the sunset being crossed off as the sunset and he was nowhere in sight.

Briefly, you contemplated sending him a text, but didn't want to be annoying or overbearing. Surely, he didn't forget, right? He was just running late. Probably caught up at practice or in the studio or something? Jin was a busy guy, you understood that much, all you had to do was wait and when he came home the two of you would be able to do something fun together.

That was what you kept telling yourself as you watched the time change on the clock, until it's past midnight and the front door is slamming shut. Okay, stargazing was always fun! Especially if you got creative and brought blankets out into the backyard.

Without a word, Jin was entering the room. He offered you a small smile before kicking his shoes off of his feet. You watched as he stripped his jeans from his body, tossing his shirt away in the corner before sinking onto the bed. “I'm beat. Will you turn out the light when you're finished?”

He spoke on a yawn, eyes falling closed as he slowly began to drift to sleep.

YOONGI

[ 09:57 ] to- yoonfi ✩: you won't be busy all day, right?

[ 10:13 ] yoonfi ✩: nope, not all day. y?

[ 10:13 ] to- yoonfi ✩ : come home early! ive a surprise for you!!

To say your boyfriend was a hard worker would be the understatement of the century. Long hours spent in the studio, producing track after track, refusing to eat until he got the hook just right. He was so hard on himself, but with good reason, the boy was a genius when it came to making music.

The same could be said for his first mixtape, AgustD. You could perfectly remember the smile on his face when he let you listen to the completed version, the way it grew when it finally dropped and his fans loved it more than he had thought.

That was four years ago. Exactly. He had changed so much in the past four years, grown in so many ways and you were so proud of him. Which was why you were more than willing to spoil him on the four year anniversary of his mixtape.

Blessed that he didn't have a busy day, even though he told you that he didn't, you made sure to check with the others. Your boyfriend had the tendency to forget when there was something pending on their schedule.

According to them, though, he was free as a bird and you were ready to take advantage of the free time you'd have as soon as he finished his meeting this afternoon.

A little while after he left for work, you went out and bought an array of ingredients to prepare his favorite meal. Paired with his favorite brand of wine, you couldn't wait to see that smile of his once he walked through the door and caught whiff of what you made.

The food wasn't it, though. You also had splurged and bought him those speakers he had been eyeing for the past few weeks. Figured you'd surprise him with the gift after dinner, when he was relaxed in front of the TV just after you offered to give his back the massage it greatly deserved.

Then, of course, he'd be overwhelmed with happiness and here comes the wild monkey sex you'd have on the couch, and on the stairs, and on the bedroom floor, mapping out every inch of the room until you were falling onto the bed. Or something like that.

You had been so caught up in your plan and making sure that the food was just right, that it took you a moment to realize how late it had gotten. Way past the time Yoongi was supposed to be home.

With furrowed brows, you lifted your phone to dial him. His drawl of a 'hello' tickling your eyes after the third ring. “I thought you'd be home early?” You wondered after he moved to a quieter room to hear you better.

“I'm sorry, baby. I should've called. The meeting sucked so me and Joon have to come up with something new. It'll be all night, but I'll see you in the morning. Alright?” What were you to say? He had to work. Mumbling your agreement, you let the line go dead before plopping at the kitchen table.

HOSEOK

You had thought that Hoseok flying in on the same day of your anniversary would be cutting it close. It was a 14 hour flight, there was no way he'd land in time to make the plans that you had stupidly planned and you didn't really want him to. He'd be so exhausted after flying and you were sure that all he'd want to do would be to get some rest.

But it was your three year anniversary and he wanted to celebrate, insisted that he wouldn't be too tired to spend time with you and marveled about how the only thing he wanted after a long flight was to be with you.

So, per his request, you were slipping into the silky dress he had sent over. Allowing his stylist to come and do your hair and makeup, again, per his request.  

Despite the fact that he wanted to keep where he was taking you a secret, you were able to convince him that it would be better if the two of you just met there in hopes to save time. He, reluctantly, agreed which was why you were seated alone in the restaurant he had so graciously rented out for the two of you.

Scanning over the menu over and over again, reading and rereading every word hoping to pass time. He should be here by now, right? Hobi was clear when he thought you that he'd be landing a little bit after eight and he had planned to come straight here from the airport. It was now 10, so what gives?

Lifting your phone, you frown at the message that you had somehow missed while studying the menu.

[ 21:22 ] hoseokie: princess!! our connecting flight was delayed. i won't be able to makee it :( sooo sorry, ill see you when i get back!

Your standing from your seat before you can read the end of the message, annoyed and overall disappointed. If only he had listened to you when you said over and over again that he wouldn't be able to make it.

At least the restaurant was empty, definitely saved you from looking as stupid as you felt in front of a room full of strangers.

JIMIN

Six o'clock. He had repeated it countless times before leaving the house so where was he now that it was six o'clock? He knew how important this day was to you, how important it should be to him. So where was he?

Was it too much to ask to be with your boyfriend on the anniversary of the day you met? He had said he would be here, so why wasn't he sitting next to you on the stupid park bench, enjoying the picnic you had prepared?

You had met Jimin exactly a year ago today. Could still remember the smile that took over his features when he spotted you seated on this very park bench, exasperation tinting your cheeks as you leaned back in attempt to catch your breath.

He had plopped down beside you without a second thought, a lame joke falling from his lips one he used in hopes to cheer you up. It had worked, you had laughed and instantly fell for the large smile that seemed to light up his entire face.

The two of you had been inseparable since that day, falling in love with each other slowly as the days went by until he was asking you to move in with him five months into your relationship. You said yes, of course and these past months settled and together had been... not what you were expecting.

A nice place for the two of you to live meant that Jimin needed to become a bit more serious about his work and no matter how great of a dancer he was, the craft didn't really call for a steady check. Which was why you encouraged, not pushed, him to get a regular 9-5 that would benefit the both of you in the end.

That's what people in serious blooming relationships did. Started making plans for the future, preparing to take care of each other. And in no way, did you expect him to quit dancing – just dial it back a bit so you wouldn't go bankrupt.

Either way, you regretted the decision of both of you needing steady jobs because lately it was like the two of you had become ships in the night. Hardly seeing each other for more than an hour with your opposite hours. But tonight, he promised, assured you that he would make it and be able to make up all the time the two of you had lost.

You were excited, got dressed up, yet he was nowhere to be found. After a full hour of waiting or him, you were effectively annoyed and ready to pack up and leave. Just as you stood, your phone buzzed in your purse.

Setting your belongings back onto the bench with a huff, you're reaching into your purse and pulling out your phone. Jimin's name lighting up on the screen, only worsening your mood. Did he really wait a whole hour to text you that he wasn't going to be able to make it? Of course he'd miss it, it was obvious now after an hour.

[19:07] jiminie!: i know u must be pissed nd im sooo sorry.

[19:08] jiminie!: i came home early nd wanted to take a little nap, but overslept. [19:10] jimine!: come home, i've prepared something nice for us.

No matter how mad you wanted to be, how mad you knew you should be, you really couldn't bring yourself to be. The boy was tired and you loved him, asked this of him so the least you could do was be a little bit understanding.

TAEHYUNG

The scowl doesn't leave your face not once the entire day. While you're cleaning up the house, while you're fixing lunch, while you're binge watching your favorite TV show. Pursed lips, raised brows and clenched teeth. You've been a foul mood all day and you had one person to thank for that.

The same person who rolled over half sleep nearly crushing you to death, but you didn't say anything because you loved him and loved being in his arms no matter the fact that you couldn't breathe underneath his weight. The same person that sprung up this morning, not a word about the meaning of today, just a grumbled: “Could you get breakfast ready?” As he pulled himself from he bed to go shower.

The same person that forgot your fucking anniversary and didn't even bat an eye when you brought up the date in hopes hearing the numbers would some how jot his memory. It didn't. What it did do, though, was remind him of the various things he had scheduled today with his little friends. Barely stopped to kiss you as he rushed out the door.

So your foul mood was his fault and you were planning to give him the cold shoulder until you were satisfied with the groveling he'd pull from being ignored. If there was one thing Taehyung hated was being ignored, you knew that more than anyone. One thing that you hated? When your so called boyfriend forgot the day that marked the start of your relationship.

You figured ignoring him would be fair.

Now, there was no way you didn't understand that Taehyung was a busy guy. He was always in and out of the house and so adamant about putting his all into his work and you admired that about him. You just never thought it would be some type of tug of war when it came to spending time with him. Especially on days as important as this one.

Punching the pause button on the remote, you reached to grab your phone cutting it's vibrating dance short as you read the message that had appeared on the screen.

[ 17:11 ] joon: happy anniversary. sorry we're stealing ur boyfriend :( what did he do this morning, though?

Ah, Namjoon their ever so considerate leader. Not a surprise that he'd be more attentive than your actual boyfriend on this day. How could someone, who was not even inside your relationship, wish you happy anniversary before your own man!?

[ 17:13 ] to joon: he forgot.

Tossing the phone beside you, the scowl on your face deepens as you glare at the characters on the screen. Stupid idiots, kissing and cooing as if their whole love story wasn't about to go to shit within the second act. How unfair. Taehyung would love bad mouthing shitty romcoms, but you had to be mad at him because he was a little shit.

Not even five minutes after the message sent to Namjoon was your phone dinging, Taehyung's specialized name lighting up your screen. Pfft, did he really need his friend to remind him of the day? How pathetic.

[ 17:17 ] boyfriend!!: baby!! oooh my god, im sooo... u know this isn't like me, i don't know what to say. we're in a radio interview now, but im rushing home right when it's over. pls, don't be upset. i mean i know ur upset, but lets at least try to salvage what left of the day we have. please. im soo sorry.

You thought, for a moment that you could be petty in this moment. Type back some snarky reply that you knew would make him feel some type of way. You just... didn't have the energy. Being forgotten about sucked, hurt in an odd way that you couldn't really explain.

Taehyung was a great boyfriend, but it was starting to get a little old the way he had your relationship on the back burner of his life. He was either with you, or not. Something's gotta give.

JUNGKOOK

You knew from the moment the words left Namjoon's lips, your boyfriend wasn't going to find true peace ever again. Let alone be able to rest properly. Producer. Which brought on a new array of responsibilities that Jungkook to very seriously, as he should.

Much like your meticulous boyfriend, everything had to be absolutely perfect and anything short of that wasn't worth presenting. That exact mentality was the reason why he spent so many long hours in the studio, at dance practice. Going over and redoing each note, each step, until he was satisfied or until he was being dragged out.

It was more often the latter because this boy was never satisfied no matter how great everything he did ended up looking, sounding. He still strives to be the best, better than the best. So it was no surprise that you were seeing him much less when his new title was being announced.

Producer Jungkook. It was safe to say that he was stressed. Not to mention that he still had to keep up with choreography, singing, interviews and being the youngest of the biggest boy band in the world.

You understood that, so you didn't blame he when he was too tired to fool around. Didn't make a fuss when dinner plans had to be canceled. Agreed when he asked you to watch him, help him figure out what he was missing. You were always there for him when he needed you.

So it was completely fair that you'd get a little pissed when you asked the same for him and he didn't deliver. It wasn't like you were requesting something bizarre or out of the ordinary, honestly, you just wanted him to be home early to spend a few hours together for your anniversary.

Three months wasn't long, not that much of a milestone, but it was still exciting and you wanted to be with him. Especially since he's been like a ghost these past few weeks. Was it too much to ask that he was home for just one night? Just one night where he was Jeon Jungkook of BTS, but just your regular boyfriend.

His apology came two hours after he was supposed to show up. A short message explaining that he wouldn't be able to make it. Like you couldn't of guessed that. Still, you waited, his favorite show cued up and ready. The incoming message had you flicking the TV off with a huff, trudging up the stairs with a prominent pout of your lips.

The pout didn't lift from your lips the rest of the night and pretty soon you were slipping underneath the sheets, lip jutted. He missed dinner fine, five o'clock was a little early to ask someone to leave work. But was he really not even going to make the effort to get in before you had fallen asleep?

Guess not.

It wasn't until after one did you feel the bed shift, a tentative arm wrapping around your waist as a heavy breath left his lips. But you were in no mood to be cuddled, especially not by him. Fully awake and alert now, you were shoving his hand from your body, scooting away from him.

“Come on, baby. Please. Today's been so shitty, I just want to hold you.” You could hear the sadness in his voice. But what about you? Did he even consider that your day might have  been shitty too?

Forcing your eyes shut, you acted as if you had fallen back asleep. Back turned to him, because you could guess the sad look he had on his face. You couldn't bring yourself to turn around and give in, allowing yourself to be engulfed in him. Not tonight.

[aion-rsa]

Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Rupert Harvey knew he was on to something with Critters after one memorable test screening.  Specifically, it was the scene where the Critters, who had already been terrorizing the Brown family, were standing on the doorstep of the family’s home talking in their guttural language with subtitles translating for the audience…until one of them is blown to gooey bits by a shotgun blast (wielded by none other than E.T. mom Dee Wallace), and the other lets out a subtitled “Fuck.”

“It totally destroyed the audience,” Harvey recalls. “They just howled. We lost the next scene because they were laughing so hard and I thought: ‘Okay, this is probably going to work.’” 

It had already taken a lot of work for Critters to get this far. 

Bringing Critters to Life

Released on April 11, 1986, the horror comedy about a small town and farm-dwelling family under attack from little furry space aliens with a taste for human flesh was unfairly dismissed by some as a Gremlins knock-off. 

But that did a disservice to the unique tone of Critters; a sci-fi comedy featuring belly laughs alongside genuine moments of terror. A film that owed as much to 1950s sci-fi B-movies as it did anything else, with its tale of picturesque Americana under attack from aliens. 

It also overlooks the film’s quirkier narrative aspect like the pair of shapeshifting alien bounty hunters who arrive on Earth to hunt the Critters down, with one of them assuming the form of a popular Jon Bon Jovi-esque rock musician. 

This surreal sci-fi tone, coupled with the copious violence, occasional bad language, and general unpredictability of it all helped give Critters the feel of a rebellious younger brother to the more mature Gremlins.  

To many, it was the cooler, edgier movie and one that boasted underlying themes that remain universal to this day. 

More importantly, the accusation of imitation was incorrect. If the two films were related, it wasn’t by design with screenwriter Brian Dominic Muir first writing the script for Critters back in 1982, two years before Joe Dante’s film hit cinemas.  

“I don’t think I saw Gremlins until we were in post-production,” Harvey, who produced Critters and worked on two of its three original sequels, tells Den of Geek. “It was certainly not something we were thinking about very much at the time, if at all. 

We were dealing with very different creatures and the fact that they were so different in concept meant I wasn’t terribly bothered by it. Gremlins were these mythical, earthbound, magical beings whereas Critters were extraterrestrial. People who say there are similarities are just influenced by the fact Gremlins was such a huge success, but it was a much bigger budget movie.” 

Muir’s script didn’t see the light of day for nearly three years before he showed it to friend and fellow budding filmmaker Stephen Herek who developed it further. That was where Harvey came in. 

The three men met while working on Android, a distinctive low budget sci-fi film Harvey was producing alongside independent movie trailblazer Roger Corman.  

“Brian gave me Critters to read and l loved it,” Harvey recalls. “It was an archetypal American story about foreigners invading the homeland. It’s quite prescient given the current state of politics in America. There was this quintessentially American setup with this almost pioneering family struggling through adversity to come out the other side.” 

35 years on, that notion of protecting the homeland is one Harvey feels is reflected in the inward-looking politics increasingly prominent in America and the UK today. That sentiment was already bubbling under the surface when Critters came out in the Reagan-era of the 1980s.

“It was novel to look at that then through the lens of Critters,” he says. “No one was seeing the film in those terms but that human fear of outsiders coming in has always been there and has been a fundamental part of cinema and drama since forever.” 

Harvey agreed to develop the film under his production company, Sho Films. Though he mulled over an offer to produce a low budget version of Critters with Corman, everything changed when Bob Shaye and New Line Cinema came calling. 

Writing Critters

“New Line was really a mom-and-pop operation at that point. They hadn’t made A Nightmare on Elm Street yet. They weren’t the New Line of today, but Bob offered to double our budget, so I did the deal.” 

Even so, Shaye took some convincing on the choice of director. 

Herek would go on to helm Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, and a string of big budget Disney movies in the years that followed but had never directed prior to Critters, having previously worked as an editor. 

“Stephen, to his credit, even though he had no leverage other than a script we wanted to make, absolutely insisted that nobody would direct it but him and if he didn’t it wouldn’t get made,” Harvey says. “He stuck to his guns and there was never any shift in that position on Brian’s side. I had to convince Bob on several occasions to go ahead with us and, even during production, to actually stick with Steve. But we were all very glad that he did.” 

On the writing side, Harvey enlisted Sho Films’ in-house writer Don Opper. A fellow Roger Corman acolyte, Opper had written and starred in Android where he also worked with Herek and Muir. 

He was seen as the ideal candidate to work alongside Herek after Muir became unwell. 

“Brian, unfortunately, became quite ill not long after we started making Critters,” Harvey says. 

Muir was reportedly battling Hodgkin’s disease at the time. Though he recovered, the writer, who often wrote under the pseudonym August White for Full Moon Entertainment later in his career, sadly died from cancer aged 48 in 2010.  

“He was a very sweet, nice man,” Harvey recalls. “In Brian’s absence, Don worked with Stephen on polishing the script. One of the ways was to enhance the family and their relationships.” 

By then the distinctive looking Opper had also been cast in the pivotal role of Charlie McFadden, the town drunk and a conspiracy theorist convinced the fillings in his teeth are picking up signals from outer space.  

Like a cross between Randy Quaid’s deranged pilot from Independence Day and Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, Charlie would eventually emerge as a fan favorite, appearing in each of the three Critters sequels. 

He was one of several quirky locals introduced early on in Critters with much of the first third of the film dedicated to establishing the Brown family, their farm, and the characters of the fictional Kansas town of Grover’s Bend where the Critters land.  

In one picture postcard scene of the perfect nuclear family, the Browns gather round the breakfast table in a primary colored kitchen, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger and disruption to follow. 

That slow build-up may be less commonplace today, but it’s something Harvey believes was crucial to the success of the film. 

“That was one of the things that appealed to me about the script,” he says. “If you set that up properly and the audience is in there with you. They gain an understanding of the family dynamic right away and they are engaged. It helps you then feel for each one of them subsequently…The rules are the same, and they have been since the first Greek dramas; storytelling is still about humans and the human condition. Just making stuff about what the monsters are doing has no appeal.” 

Critters came during a time when horror comedies were commonplace in multiplexes.

“Studios started to notice in test screenings that the audience response was often bigger when you capped a scare or moment of high tension with a bit of wit or humor,” Harvey explains. 

Post-screening surveys bore this out; using humor to emphasize or punctuate a terrifying moment drew a bigger response from the audience. Regardless of the visceral impact of the scare itself. It made it more memorable to viewers.

The Cast of Critters

It helped that Critters boasted an impressive cast to bring the script to life.  

Blade Runner’s M. Emmet Walsh appeared as the grouchy local sheriff while Dee Wallace, who had starred in E.T. only a few years earlier, was also convinced to sign on as the Brown family matriarch Helen. Billy “Green” Bush was cast as the hardworking man of the house Jay Brown with Nadine van der Velde as his high school teen daughter April. 

Despite some impressive names, Harvey ranks the casting of future Party of Five and ER star Scott Grimes in the role of mischievous central teenage protagonist Brad Brown as the most significant. It’s Scott who first discovers the Critters and Scott that begins to fight back against them using his slingshot and potent firecrackers coming off like a hellish Kevin McCallister from Home Alone. 

“Scott was tailor-made for the role,” Harvey says. “He was at the center of the craziness and he had the audience’s sympathy and support because no one was paying attention to him.” 

For all the acting talent on display, however, much of the movie’s success rested on the tiny shoulders of a few hedgehog-like puppets. 

“The biggest challenge was making the Critters appear to be a viable threat as the antagonists,” Harvey says. “We were really fortunate that we found the Chiodo Brothers.” 

A trio of siblings who specialized in stop motion and animatronic work, the Chiodos were relative newcomers to the movie business and would go on to projects like Elf and Team America: World Police. 

“We knew from the script we were dealing with a fur ball that got around fast by rolling around and was all teeth and voracious,” Harvey says. “That was the extent of the design parameters. They came up with the drawings and the details as to how they would work.”

Harvey cites the Critters’ distinctive, almost limbless design as both a blessing and a curse.  

“From a construction and manipulation point of view, they were relatively straightforward,” he says. “But from an action perspective, there was not a lot you could do with them.” 

While other projects, like New Line’s later Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, would struggle with glitchy animatronics, there were no such problems with the Chiodos’ creations with each running impressively well thanks to a crack team behind the scenes.

“Even though the Critters were fairly simple creatures, there were times for some of those shots, when we had 10 guys running different cables and things to them to get them right,” Harvey recalls. “They had eye movement, mouth movement, lip movement even their little arms and legs move because these things needed to look as believable as possible. But it was still tough to make these things that rolled around something scary and frightening rather than cute and laughable.” 

That was where Billy Zane came in. A good horror villain needs a good victim. Cast in the role of April’s unsuspecting boyfriend Steve Eliot, the then unknown Zane ended up falling afoul of the Critters in arguably the film’s standout gory death after encountering the furry fiends while enjoying a makeout session in the family’s barn. 

“It was the first thing he’d ever done. I think he’d arrived in L.A. a week before,” Harvey says, recalling how uncomfortably hot that barn scene was for everyone involved. “It was 100 degrees in the barn. He had little furry creatures stuck to his stomach and was covered in fake blood. It was so hot and sticky. We stayed there for the whole day, getting all the inserts and various other bits and pieces to make the scene…But that setup in the claustrophobic space of the barn helped to make the scene much scarier because we could set it up in a kind of way that made the punchline, the payoff, much more visceral.” 

The Bounty Hunters

For all the machinations of the Critters themselves, it’s their pursuers from outer space, the two faceless bounty hunters, who almost steal the show.

Especially after one decides to take the form of fictional hair metal superstar Johnny Steele, the singer of “Power of the Night” a song so pitch-perfectly cheesy, you had to wonder if Steele is a real artist rather than musical theater actor Terrence Mann. 

“I went to see Terrence who was appearing in Cats on Broadway. He’d been suggested by a friend and was seriously interested in doing the film,” Harvey says. “We had a friend in New York who was in the music business and had a recording studio. He put together some tracks and we created this imaginary band that he stole the identity of the lead singer from.” 

Despite some striking similarities to artists of the time, Harvey insists Johnny Steele wasn’t set up as a deliberate lampooning of any one artist.

“The band was generically inspired by particular bands of the time,” he says. “There wasn’t any one group or individual. We were post punk and before real heavy metal. There was more of a glam goth influence.” 

Teaming up with Charlie and Brad, the bounty hunters eventually destroy the Critters though it comes at a cost to the Browns, with the family home blown-up in the process. It was a powerful symbol of the way these invaders had shattered their lives but not their spirit. Unfortunately, New Line Cinema didn’t like it as an ending. 

“Bob wanted it changed so that the house was rebuilt in the end but I was against it so we had a few arguments about that, but it was Bob’s money, and we did it and it came out very successfully.” 

Shaye and New Line would occasionally prove tricky customers, with Harvey often forced to traverse the familiar pitfalls of independent filmmaking.

“We were in production and things were really tough and there was one point in time when Bob and I sat down in the trailer and he explained to me some things that I won’t go into,” Harvey says.  “Things were very tricky for a week or two financially, but they sorted themselves out. That was a typical attribute of an independent movie. ‘Oh God you’re spending $150,000 dollars a day, can you spend $100,000?’. Not unheard of but no fun at the time.” 

For all the trials and tribulations of the film, cast, and Critters themselves, however, he has fond memories of working on the film.

“We weren’t stuck in Los Angeles in some smoke-filled space,” he said. “The set was built on Newhall Ranch, this huge bucolic area of land outside of L.A and there we were for five weeks shooting in relatively hot temperatures.” 

Critters Sequels and What’s Next

After a quick turnaround in editing, Critters was released in cinemas, proving to be a hit with over $13 million made at the box office off a budget of $3 million. This kind of success made sequels inevitable.

Though Harvey was unavailable for the second film, he returned for the third and fourth movies, which were filmed back-to-back and released direct to video.

“By then video cassettes were a huge component to New Line’s early success and helped finance the Nightmare on Elm Street and Critters sequels and all of the other movies that they then started making in order to become the powerhouse they became,” Harvey says. “I think it funded something like 40 to 40 to 50 percent of New Line production for that period of time.”

Harvey was initially hesitant to get involved, citing Shaye’s wishes to make the sequels for even less money than the first film. However, he ultimately relented after agreeing to film them back-to-back.

Harvey has mixed feelings about the two sequels, particularly the third movie, which he had conceived as being “much darker and much more violent” than what eventually made it to the screen.

“I wanted to do a George Romero homage for the third film,” he says. “I was very much interested in the claustrophobia of the tenement building in New York City, that kind of atmosphere. Boy, did it ever turn out differently.”

Having also agreed to direct the fourth film, which was set in space and wrap up the franchise, he found himself too busy to oversee work on the third movie.

“It was different. I didn’t have as much to do with Critters 3 because I was directing the fourth film. We were shooting back to back. We had a week down in between the two. All the time we were shooting Critters 3 I was prepping Critters 4.”

While the fourth film featured both a young Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif on top scene-chewing form, the third entry has become among the most noted in the years since thanks to the presence of a young Leonardo DiCaprio in the main role.

“It’s the movie that shall remain nameless on Leo DiCaprio’s resume,” Harvey jokes.

He doesn’t have a lot of memories about DiCaprio on set though there was already a sense he was destined for big things.

“One day he told me he needed some time off. He had to go and audition for this movie. After he came back I asked ‘How did it go?’ and he said ‘Robert De Niro is really great’. he’d been off auditioning for This Boy’s Life…And of course, when he did that movie, it was like, ‘Holy shit. Well, where was that actor when we were making Critters 3?’” 

While Leo is unlikely to return to the Critters franchise anytime soon, Harvey, who had no involvement in a recent TV revival, believes that there is life in the old furballs yet.

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“It’s not a franchise that’s going to go away,” he says cryptically. “Whatever comes next needs to be something that is responsive to contemporary sources. I can’t really say too much about it, because nothing is final. All I can tell you is that I don’t think this is the end.”

The post Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[billxharry]

The Day Before You Came should have been Harry’s song, not Donna’s: A Rant

You know, I very much wish they hadn’t included The Day Before You Came on the HWGA soundtrack. Not that Meryl’s version isn’t lovely, it absolutely is, and I listen to it often, savouring the much too minimal amount of Meryl’s Donna we got for this film, but knowing they never wrote any sort of context for her singing it, and never even had a plan to do so, because it was always just going to be on the soundtrack is a let down, especially when there was a certain character who could have benefited from being given the song. 

If a song is included on the soundtrack, especially for a musical, where every song tells the story, I like to think it should fit somewhere in the film, but I just don’t think it works contextually for Donna in this film, and even more importantly, I personally don’t feel it fits Donna’s character in general. This movie is focused on young Donna particularly. Exuberant, passionate, bold and living her life with only the occasional and fleeting doubt. This song certainly doesn’t fit her at all at this stage of her life, before Sam. Her heartbreak over him, while justified, is at least somewhat eased in this movie by the arrival of Tanya and Rosie, then by Bill showing up and whisking her away, (I like to believe Harry arrived later as well, as I refuse to believe they were just that lazy as to not get the order from the journal correct, so Harry arrived at the island after Bill, they just didn’t show it, end of story. That would also help bridge where I feel HWGA! went terribly wrong in portraying young Harry and Donna’s encounter, as I have the hardest time believing the fondness shown in the first movie would exist between them based on that singular encounter alone, especially on Donna’s part. Perhaps another ramble about that at another time.) The most impactful of anything though, for Donna, was giving birth to Sophie.

Emotionally, for me, this song would have only have had a chance to fit in the first movie when we actually see the emotional hurt Donna has struggled with the years after Sam left,  not in prequel sense, when what we see is Donna moving on as best she can, and knowing in the future her and Sam later wed and were happy. (For much too short of time. I will never stop being mad at this.) Even if they had put this song in the musical/first film, it still wouldn’t have fit, character wise for me, though. The Winner Takes It All was a much more fitting choice to convey those emotions.

What Sam put her through affected her greatly, and continues to do so, we do see that in the first movie, but both movies also make it a point to make it clear Donna pushes on, somewhat because she has no choice when she finds out she’s pregnant, but also because she’s Donna. She’s strong and independent, she doesn’t conform to the things others would think to do, and even when we see how these events have weighed on her as the years progressed, we also see at heart she will always remain Donna Sheridan, life and soul of the party, and how that spirit has always remained. What fight and determination she always had, she devoted use for raising Sophie, to giving her everything she needed in absence of a father, and I would certainly not label that a listless and aimless life of routine. In fact, with raising a child on her own, while also managing the inn by herself, we see the opposite is in fact true. She’s overworked and her life is a crazy rush of every possible job and ever changing responsibilities.

(An aside, I am aware that there’s a long standing thought that in the original ABBA song, the you  the song is directed to may actually be Death, and yes Donna (unfortunately) did die (WHY.) So technically, it could be looked at that way as to why Donna would be singing it in the second film. That works even less, though, since the type of life that is sung about is especially not the type of life Donna would be telling Death she was living after  the first movie where she got her (much too short lived 😡) happy ending. If Sam wasn’t the you Donna was singing to, and it was indeed a deathly entity, that’s an absurd notion to me. She would literally be saying her life was lonely and dull and without aim before she died? And had been for a very long time? Despite the first film showing us was that was never true? We’d also have to be ignoring the prominence that was placed on Sophie and Donna’s bond, her bond with Tanya and Rosie, the fact that Sam and Donna wed and we can assume were happy  during the time before she got ill and passed away... No, be it if the the “you” is referring to Sam or Death, neither scenario works for Donna in my opinion.)

The Day Before You Came describes a life that runs on almost a precise schedule, without anything unexpected happening. Always being able to follow an exact schedule, always being able to have time to watch tv, read, get to bed for a lot of rest... It’s painful in how excruciatingly bland the existence of the life of the singer is. Unchanged, day in, day out. The singer is going through the motions of life, but not living it. They are lonely, alone. As I mentioned, Donna’s work life is anything but on an exact schedule, but even more importantly, emotionally that’s not life for Donna raising her daughter. Sophie means everything to her. While the romance with Sam coming to fruition at the end of the first movie is extremely fulfilling and what you want for Donna, the movie also makes it a point to show the true heart of the movie is the relationship between Donna and her best friends, but even more than that the most pivotal relationship Donna will ever have is the one she has with Sophie. She was not romantically fulfilled, that’s unarguably true, and she was absolutely overworked and overwhelmed, but she had Sophie and that meant everything to her, made everything worth it. The second movie, with My Love, My Life once again hammered that point home. Donna’s life was never what The Day Before You Came describes, and the biggest reason why was Sophie. I mentioned the Winner Takes It All being a much more apt choice, and it is. It’s very easy to see the romantic and emotional context to that song, and it’s definitely a song sung to a lover who you were hurt by. The Day Before You Came is... about  a lot more than just the romantic side of things.

Give Donna/Meryl material, absolutely YES, but couldn’t it have been relevant? And seeing as we had to suffer through the terribly unnecessary death story-line, I would have loved had she got some truly joyous material, as we see her at the end of the first film, the type of material she deserved...

Ol Parker talking about this song, saying it was never going to be in the film, just on the album because “It’s so specific and I couldn’t find a way to make it work.” is incredibly disappointing for me, because no, you couldn’t find a way to make it work for Donna because it didn’t fit her, her character, or the life she had lead. However, there absolutely was one character who absolutely could have sung that song and it absolutely would have worked. Hmmmm, who could it be, who could it be, this is such an impossible connection to make apparently... a rather seemingly by the book character, who is living an unfulfilling life, alone, going to dull job, going home to an empty house and repeating it every day... hmmm. HMMM.

Honestly though, go and listen to the song or read the lyrics, and tell me that song would not have absolutely have been perfect for Harry. I can’t understand having a character it fits so incredibly well, but saying “it’s too specific, can’t possibly put it in the film.” Especially when you created  two characters for the *sole* purpose of making Cher being able to sing Fernando work, but you can’t make a song work that fits a pre-existing character like a glove. Granted, Ol made it apparent he didn’t actually understand or care all that much about the “older dads” (the older cast in general was treated very poorly in this film as I have said 1000 times.) They absolutely should have had more to do acting wise, but singing wise as well. The first movie was successful because of the cast it had. Yes. Some of the singing was panned by people. A lot of people. But the success of the film was still indisputable, so I see absolutely no reason for including so little of what made it work to begin with. Colin especially could have pulled this song off vocally. They had a chance to really enhance the source material, expand on the characters we loved, and instead we got regressions of the the worst sort.

I obviously would want this song to be about Bill from Harry’s perspective, because Bill absolutely had every means to remedy all of this for Harry. Who better to give him adventures, spontaneity, love, ... and how easy it would have been. (Heck, it could have even have been sung about Sophie changing his life so thoroughly. I would of course prefer it be about Bill, because like Donna, Sophie means the world to Harry, but also like Donna, Harry deserves romantic fulfillment as well. I just want just Harry to have someone who has the ability to help him out of that life... The first film knew where the faults were in Harry’s life, and by the end of the movie they were on the path of trying to remedy that. No, I will never say Petros was the answer, but at least they tried, and more than that he unarguably had Sophie at the end. A daughter he so wanted. Harry’s life should have changed, at least in some way. By no means should we have ended up with him right back where he was, being unhappy and unfulfilled. This song, had it been given to Harry, would have felt like they were acknowledging this character, this life, and I would hope the “you” in the song would be enough to show that his life was able to move beyond that.

In all this, I don’t mean to say this is a happy song, of course not. There’s a sadness in the lyrics, a melancholia, especially with the slowed tempo and beautiful accompaniment by Benny that they gave the song for the HWGA soundtrack. That particular version really amps up that feeling, and that is why, as much as I dislike the fact that Harry is right back to being miserable, this song still could have worked with that story line. Take for example- In Bill, Harry had found someone who really made him evaluate the life he had been living, seeing it for what it really was and just how unhappy he had been, but now he has been given the potential to change that. Traveling with Bill has changed everything. For him. However, perhaps as far as he is aware, that feeling of finding someone who could change your life so thoroughly was one-sided, that this particular love was unrequited, and the things that they did together that meant everything to him, didn’t have the same impact on Bill, at least to his knowledge. Cue The Day Before You Came, a quiet but impactful reveal of the depth of Harry’s feelings, and the push Bill needs to work up his own courage to show Harry has changed his life just as much. Ideally, Bill would sing a short reprise of the song with lyrics written to convey what was missing in his life before Harry came into it, and finally they would both be in total understanding. Is this absolutely cliche and fanfic worthy? Oh, no doubt. It’s not the most deep or profound working of the song, I am aware. However, it is Mamma Mia! and I feel that’s allowed. 

Having Harry sing this song would have been acknowledgement of a sort, that yes, this is back where this beloved character is at, and this is why, but there is something, someone, in his life that can help him out of it, and he can have his happy ending. I just feel that is a lot more meaningful than what we got, which is just... nonchalance about the whole thing. “Yep, there was supposed to be an awakening of sorts for Harry at the end of the first movie, but that doesn’t really matter, he’s miserable and unhappy, alone, still, right back in that lifestyle he was so unhappy in, five years later. It’s not actually worth the time to acknowledge any of this or try to remedy it, though, it’s not important. He’s going to end the movie in the same unhappy and lonely fashion, but hey, Fernando!” And we are stuck with a song, though absolutely beautifully sung, by a character it doesn’t fit, as a throw away soundtrack inclusion, nothing more, and a missed and extremely easy to see opportunity to give it to a character who really could have used it...

[papermoonloveslucy]

THE DARK CORNER

November 10, 1947

Synopsis ~ A former San Francisco private eye, just in back New York after two years in prison (the victim of a frame-up), finds himself a target for another send-up and murder.

Directed by Fred MacKaye with musical direction by Louis Silvers and sound effects by Charlie Forsyth

Adapted for radio by Sanford Barnett from the screenplay by Jay Dratler and Bernard Schoenfeld based on the book by Leo Rosten.

It was based on the 20th Century Fox motion picture of the same name released on May 8, 1946. 

In later years, Lucille Ball was vocal about hating the experience of shooting The Dark Corner. Director Henry Hathaway's bullying reduced Ball to stuttering on set, at which point Hathaway accused her of being inebriated. At the time, Lucille Ball was suing to get out of her contract with MGM. As a result, MGM loaned her to Fox for this picture, which included a significant pay cut. 

Lux Radio Theatre (1935-55) was a radio anthology series that adapted Broadway plays during its first two seasons before it began adapting films (”Lux Presents Hollywood”). These hour-long radio programs were performed live before studio audiences in Los Angeles. The series became the most popular dramatic anthology series on radio, broadcast for more than 20 years and continued on television as the Lux Video Theatre through most of the 1950s. The primary sponsor of the show was Unilever through its Lux Soap brand.

CAST

Lucille Ball (Kathleen Stewart) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. “My Favorite Husband” eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Mark Stevens (Bradford Galt) reprises his role from the film version of The Dark Corner (1946). He became a contract player for Warners at $100 a week in 1943 but they darkened and straightened his curly ginger-colored hair and covered his freckles. At first he was billed as Stephen Richards, he later changed it to Mark Stevens at the suggestion of Darryl F. Zanuck when he switched to 20th Century-Fox. He died in 1994 at age 77. 

Joseph Kearns (Ralph Wickett) appeared on “I Love Lucy” as the psychiatrist in “The Kleptomaniac” (ILL S1;E27) and later played the theatre manager in “Lucy’s Night in Town” (S6;E22). His most famous role was as Mr. Wilson on TV’s “Dennis the Menace” (1959). When he passed away during the show’s final season, Lucy regular Gale Gordon took over for him, playing his brother.

In the film, the character was named Hardy Cathcart and was played by Clifton Webb. 

Norma Jean Nilsson (Little Girl at the Boarding House) was a child actress who left Hollywood at age 19 after appearing in 16 films and television shows.

In the film, the character carries a slide whistle, which is not used here. She was played by Colleen Alpaugh.

Wally Maher (Fred Foss aka Stauffer) was born on August 4, 1908 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He was known for Mystery Street (1950), The Reformer and the Redhead (1950) and Hollywood Hotel (1937). He was married to Molly Bruno. He died on December 27, 1951.

In the feature film, the role was played by William Bendix, who would go on to fame as the title character in TV’s “The Life of Riley.” 

Dan O'Herlihy (Anthony Jardine) was an Irish-born actor nominated for an Oscar in 1954 for Robinson Crusoe. In 1960 he made an appearance on Desilu’s “The Untouchables.” He was in two of the RoboCop movies. He died in 2005 at age 85. 

In the feature film, the role was played by German-born actor Kurt Krueger. 

Fay Baker (Mari Wickett) was born on January 31, 1917 in New York City as Fanita Baker Schwager. She was known for Notorious (1946), The House on Telegraph Hill (1951) and Deadline - U.S.A. (1952). She died on December 8, 1987.  

In the feature film, the role was taken by Cathy Downs, making her first credited screen appearance. 

ENSEMBLE

Trude Marson was seen in uncredited roles in four films from 1937 to 1947. 

Noreen Gammill started her screen career as the voice of Catty the Elephant in Disney’s Dumbo (1941). She made two background appearances on “The Andy Griffith Show” (1963 and 1964), filmed on the Desilu backlot. 

William Johnstone is probably best remembered as Judge Lowell on the long-running daytime drama “As The World Turns”.  Prior to that he worked extensively in radio and took over the role of Lamont Cranston on "The Shadow" playing opposite Agnes Moorehead when Orson Welles left the series.

Janet Scott was a regular background voice on “Lux Radio Theatre” with dozens of episodes to her credit from 1937 to 1955.

Lois Corbett  was married to Don Wilson of “The Jack Benny Program” and as such did more than a dozen episodes of the television shows with him from 1954 to 1964.  

Edward Marr was seen in The Affairs of Annabel with Lucille Ball in 1938.  He was also in two Bob Hope TV specials with Hope and Ball in 1966 and 1970.

Stanley Farrar was seen on “I Love Lucy” in “Home Movies” (ILL S3;E20) and “Staten Island Ferry” (ILL S5;E12). He on “The Lucy Show” in “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (TLS S3;E23) and “Lucy Meets Danny Kaye” (TLS S3;E15).

Herb Butterfield was born on October 28, 1895 in Providence, Rhode Island. He was known for The Halls of Ivy (1954), The House on Telegraph Hill (1951) and Shield for Murder (1954). On radio, he portrayed the Commissioner on NBC 's "Dangerous Assignment" (1949-53) and Clarence Wellman on "The Halls of Ivy" (1950-52). He died on May 2, 1957

Cliff Clark was seen with Lucille Ball in Her Husband’s Affairs (1947), Miss Grant Takes Richmond (1949), and The Fuller Brush Girl (1950).  

OTHERS

William Keighley (Host and Producer) was the director of nearly 40 feature films between 1932 and 1953. His film The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) was selected for the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being culturally significant.

Dorothy Lovett (Commercial Spokeswoman as Libby Collins, Hollywood Reporter) appeared as Meta Bauer on radio’s “The Guiding Light" (1945-47) and as Toni Sherwood in "The Adventures of Rocky Jordan".  She did three films with Lucille Ball from 1939 to 1941. 

Betty Ann Lynn (Herself, Act Two Intermission Guest) is best known for playing Thelma Lou on “The Andy Griffith Show” (1961 to 1965) which was filmed on the Desilu back lot. 

John Milton Kennedy (Announcer) was the announcer of all 35 episodes of “The Loretta Young Show” from 1954 to 1955.  

ACT ONE

William Keighley introduces the program, noting that many years earlier, director Fred Kohlmar saw a titian-haired young model who had great possibilities - Lucille Ball.  He later had the privilege of presenting her in the film version of The Dark Corner. After a mention of Lux Toilet Soap, the program begins. 

The action opens in a New York City office building on a sultry summer afternoon. Police detective Reeves visits the Offices of Bradford Galt, Private Investigator and speaks to his secretary, Kathleen Stewart. 

Galt enters and Reeves wonders why Galt didn’t notify him that he moved offices after his prior unpleasantness.  Galt asks Kathleen to have dinner with him. After dinner, Galt asks her to go dancing but she’s wise to his advance. As they walk down the street, they realize that they are being followed. 

Kathleen takes a cab back to the office, while Galt confronts the pursuer at gunpoint, taking him back to his office for questioning. He says his name is Fred Foss, and that he’s also a private detective. Galt doesn’t believe him and decides to beat the truth out of him. 

After some roughing up, Fred discloses that he is being paid to tail Galt by Anthony Jardine. In the tussle, some ink spills on Foss’s white suit. He lets Foss leave. Kathleen was supposed to tail Foss after he left the office, but he tricked her and got away.  

Back at his rooming house, Foss uses the hall telephone to call art gallery owner Ralph Wickett, and his ink-stained suit is noticed by a Little Girl neighbor. 

At a party for his third wedding anniversary, Wickett hangs up and is greeted by Jardine, a lawyer. Mrs. Lucy Wilding takes Jardine aside pretending to ask legal advice, but it is revealed that he is blackmailing her. 

Meanwhile, Galt confides in Kathleen about his past. Jardine is trying to kill Galt because he was a former partner that Galt confronted about his blackmailing female clients. Now Jardine wants to finish the job. 

Mari Wickett, Ralph’s wife, is having an affair with Anthony Jardine. She wants to run away with him. At the same time, Galt is headed there to settle the score. 

End of Act One

A Lux commercial break takes the form of a story from Libby Collins, Hollywood Reporter. She says she saw Universal’s The Lost Moment starring Robert Cummings and Susan Hayward. Libby says she was on location when they filmed the big fire scene, the biggest fire ever done on a sound stage.  She says that she and Susan Hayward washed the soot off their faces with Lux Toilet Soap! 

At the time of the broadcast, The Lost Moment was still two weeks from being released. It opened in cinemas on November 27, 1947. The story is set in Italy, so the cast included Edward Ciannelli, who played pizzeria owner Mr. Martinelli in “Visitor from Italy” (ILL S6;E5) and Saverio LoMedico who played the Rome hotel bellboy in “Lucy’s Italian Movie” (ILL S5;E23).  The film was not a box office success. 

ACT TWO

An hour has past since the end of Act One and Galt is at Jardine’s door. Galt threatens Jardine, who denies tailing him.The two fight  while Mari is hiding in the other room. After Galt leaves, she convinces him to run away with her. 

At the Gallery, Wickett is visited by Foss. It is clear Wickett is setting up Jardine to take the fall when he has Galt killed.  Foss calls Galt to betray Jardine for a price. Galt suggests a one-on-one meeting at his apartment - 904 West 52nd, apartment 307 at 8pm sharp. Wickett will send Jardine to Galt’s apartment at 7:30pm. 

In reality, there is no such address. West 52nd Street in New York City ends at the the 600s block. This is similar to the Ricardo and Mertz apartment building. 623 East 68th Street, which, if real, would be in the East River!

Kathleen and Galt are supposed to meet at the movies, but he doesn’t show so he goes to his apartment at 8:30. Galt opens the door and reveals that Jardine is dead. Galt was ambushed with and knocked out with ether. He woke up to find Jardine’s body bludgeoned by the fireplace poker.  Galt realizes he was set up.

Later, Galt meets Kathleen at her apartment. He couldn’t find Foss and doesn’t know where to look next. 

Wickett reminds Mari that they are due at the Kinsglsey’s that night, but she begs off. He strongly hints that he knows that Mari is stepping out on him and looking to run off. 

Galt suddenly realizes that Foss would have to have his white suit cleaned, so he is determined to search all the cleaners for the suit and get his address.

Foss phones Wickett, and the Little Girl is there to overhear his conversation. Foss makes a plan to meet Wickett on the 31st floor of the Grant building. 

Galt and Kathleen are about to give up on the search for the suit when a cleaner comes through. They get his address and trace Foss to the rooming house where he lives. His name turns out to be Stauffer, not Foss. The landlady reports that he moved out an hour ago and doesn’t know where he went. But the Little Girl does - and spills the beans for a quarter!  Galt and Kathleen head for the Grant Building. 

End of Act Two

In the break, Keighley interviews Fox contract player Betty Ann Lynn, who saw filming of Daryl F. Zanuck’s Gentleman’s Agreement starring Gregory Peck and Dorothy McGuire in a “very unusual picture”.  

Gentleman’s Agreement premiered on November 11, one day after this broadcast, in both New York City and Chicago. It dealt with anti-Semitism and went on to win three Oscars, including Best Picture. The cast included Lucycom alumni Mike Lally, Shep Houghton, Roy Roberts, and Amzie Strickland in uncredited roles. Betty Ann Lynn says that she also likes to watch the filming of a costume picture like The Foxes of Harrow starring Rex Harrison and Maureen O’Hara, who had 26 costumes made just for her.  She notes that O’Hara has a Lux complexion. 

The Foxes of Harrow was released September 13, 1947. "Lux Radio Theater" broadcast a sixty minute radio adaptation of this movie on December 6, 1948, with Maureen O'Hara reprising her movie role. The movie was the screen debut of William Schallert, who did several episodes of “The Lucy Show.”  O’Hara and Lucille Ball became lifelong friends after their 1940 film Dance, Girl, Dance. Like Gentleman’s Agreement, The Foxes of Harrow also features Roy Roberts, who went on to play bank president Mr. Cheever on “The Lucy Show.”

ACT THREE

Kathleen and Galt rush to the Grant Building, where Mr. Wickett is about to settle accounts on a remote fire escape. Foss / Stauffer brings proof that Jardine is dead but Wickett throws him from the fire escape to his death. 

Galt and Kathleen witness the whole incident from the street, as does the cab driver who was waiting for Foss / Stauffer. Thinking fast, Galt steals the cab which still contains Foss’s luggage. Later, we hear that the bags were only full of clothes. Kathleen urges him to keep thinking.   Kathleen suddenly remembers that the Little Girl mentioned galleries. They put the pieces together and all evidence leads them to the Wickett Galleries. Galt heads there and questions the clerk. Under the guise of buying a painting, Galt inquires about meeting Mr. Wickett, and the clerk departs. Mari comes in the side door, and Galt tells her that Anthony Jardine has been murdered. She faints. Wickett comes in and when Galt tells him the truth, Ralph locks him in the gallery vault. Mari has revived and overhears Ralph’s threats, holding a gun on him. She shoots her husband dead. 

Kathleen has tipped off the police, who only want to charge him with stealing a taxi cab. Kathleen asks if he can be booked at another time because they have a date at the City Hall - to get married. 

End of Story

As a curtain call, Keighley chats with Lucille Ball and Mark Stevens. He congratulates Ball on the success of her stage show, Dream Girl, a play she says she will do again in San Francisco. When Keighley asks how Lucille’s busy schedule and that of her husband Desi Arnaz’s leave any time for a personal life, Ball says that they will be playing in San Francisco at the same time. 

In June 1947, Lucille Ball performed at New Jersey’s McCarter Theatre in Dream Girl, a play by Elmer Rice. It also played Brooklyn, Detroit and Boston. 

The San Francisco production opened just a week after this radio telecast. As Ball states, Desi Arnaz was also in San Francisco at the time, playing in the Rose Room of the Palace Hotel, a fact that was advertised in the Dream Girl program. During the Los Angeles engagement in January 1948, Ball fell ill and had to withdraw. Although she love performing on stage, her radio career and then television success did not allow her to return to the footlights until 1960.  

Lucy notes that like many other busy stars, she owes her good complexion to Lux Soap! 

Turning to Mark Stevens, Lucille notes that he will play an FBI man in his next project at Fox, with Keighley as director. 

Although the film’s title is not mentioned, they are referring to The Street With No Name, which won’t be released until June 1948. Stevens plays Gene Cordell aka George Manley, a covert FBI agent who infiltrates a ruthless gangster mob. "Lux Radio Theater" broadcast a 60-minute radio adaptation of the movie on January 31, 1949 with Mark Stevens reprising his film role. 

Keighley notes that next week “Lux Radio Theatre” will present Jane Wyman and Ronald Reagan in Nobody Lives Forever. 

The Warner Brothers picture Nobody Lives Forever was released on November 1, 1946. It originally starred John Garfield and Geraldine Fitzgerald in roles taken on radio by Reagan and Wyman, who were husband and wife at the time. Of course, Reagan left Hollywood for a grander stage, first in California as Governor, then as President of the United States. He bestowed Lucille Ball with The Kennedy Center Honor in 1986.

A public service announcement asks housewives to salvage kitchen fats and turn them in at their local butcher for cash!  

These were used to make supplies for wartime, such as ammunition and weapons. 

Announcer Kennedy notes that Mark Stevens appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, producers of Forever Amber. 

Forever Amber is a 1944 romance novel by Kathleen Winsor set in 17th-century England. It was made into a film in 1947 starring Cornel Wilde, who appeared in “The Star Upstairs” (ILL S4;E25). When “Lucy Writes A Novel” (ILL S3;E24), Ethel jokes about finding Lucy’s hidden manuscript and burning it:  “We pulled down the kitchen blind and changed the name of your novel to 'Forever Ember.'” 

‘DARK’ TRIVIA

In a September 1985 episode of “Remington Steele,” a character played by Stephen Dillane has the name Bradford Galt!  The stories, however, are not otherwise connected. 

In both the film and the radio show, Fred Foss gives his phone number as CH-elsea 4-43510. However, according to the Manhattan phone book for 1946, there were only CH-elsea 2 and CH-elsea 3 exchanges. Real phone numbers were rarely used in film or television. 

When television began to supplant radio, “The Lux Video Theatre” was introduced. It was seen from 1950 to 1959. Initially, the show was a thirty-minute weekly show featuring live stage plays, but when it moved to NBC in August 1954, the show was extended to sixty minutes. As on radio, the programs were then primarily adaptations of motion pictures. The host would introduce each act, and would conduct an interview with the stars at the end of the play. Of the cast of this radio version of The Dark Corner:

William Keighley directed an episode in 1951. 

Mark Stevens did an episode in 1955. 

Dan O’Herlihy did five episodes. 

Joseph Kearns did three episodes. 

The character name Ralph Wickett replaced Hardy Cathcart for the radio show. It is likely that they could no longer get legal clearance to use the name Hardy Cathcart, necessitating the change. 

The film featured Ellen Corby as a maid, a role not in the radio drama. Corby went on to be seen as Lucy Ricardo’s high school acting teacher and in several small roles on “The Lucy Show” before her best-loved role of Grandma on “The Waltons.” 

The film also features background work by Sam Harris, who did 15 films with Lucille Ball, in addition to multiple episodes of “I Love Lucy” and “The Lucy Show” as well as Harold Miller, who did eight films with Lucy and two episodes of “I Love Lucy”. 

The film is available on DVD complete with DVD commentary and original trailer. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #318

“what can you do, where can ya go, when your mama is a burnout, and your daddy is a pyro?”

Do you have your ears pierced more than once? Yeah. Do you use an electric toothbrush? Yes. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? Oh, I have no idea. That's something I avoid like the plague because I loathe my body. When was the last time you got high? Never. Do you get along with your parents? Yeah. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. Have you ever used a Ouija board? No, I don't fuck with that stuff. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? Yes. Do you go along with prank-callers, or just hang up? I don't answer numbers I don't recognize to begin with. Would you ever tattoo a lover’s name onto your body? Nooooo. Do you own any version of Guitar Hero? I have a lot of 'em. Do you use mouthwash every single day? No. Do you know anyone with asthma? Yeah, my mom. Have you ever walked through a forest at night on your own? Uh, no sir. When was the last time you were in a graveyard? It's been many, many years. Do you know what an ‘AMV’ is? Yep, used to make 'em. How many items are in your recycle bin? (On your computer!) Oh yikes, probably loads. I haven't emptied it in... I don't know how long. Would you rather be a bird or a fish? A bird. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? Joker. Heath Ledger's is my favorite. Have you ever had a pet rock? No. How much do you weigh? Yeah, no. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking nature photographs. Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? No. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? I don’t do roller coasters to begin with. Have you ever gone in a sauna? Ugh, hell no. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Are you attracted to people outside of your race? Yes. Are you in love with anyone at the moment? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Best cough drop? Those creamy strawberry ones. If you have a pet, does it make a lot of noise? One's a snake, so she's silent as could be. My cat is generally quiet, but he has his times where he just walks around meowing, normally for attention. Are you a fan of eyeshadow? If I actually wear makeup, yeah, I like black eyeshadow. Can you tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi? Absolutely. I don't like Pepsi. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? Done it before, didn't feel weird. Besides furniture, what’s the biggest thing in your bedroom? A Silent Hill poster. Which of your friends makes you laugh the hardest? Girt. Have you ever been in a Catholic confessional? Yeah, as a kid. What color was the hair of the last person you kissed? Brown. What was the title of the last song you listened to? So today I've really been digging dark synthwave/cyberpunk-ish music, and right now I have a playlist on that's currently playing "DNA War" by Absolute Valentine and Billy Mays. How far away is the closest Walmart? Not even five minutes. Can you do a backflip? No. Who is the lead singer of your favorite band? Well, Ozzy is the lead singer of Ozzy Osbourne, haha. When was the last time you went fishing? Not since Sara visited and we went catfishing with my dad one night. What brand of deodorant do you use? Secret. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. Do you regret it? Nah. Who was the last person to buy you a drink? My mom, lmaoooo. Who was the last person to buy you dinner? Also my mom, haha. How old is the oldest person you’ve dated? Juan's maybe like... 28 or something by now, idk. Have you ever run a stoplight? No. Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? YIKES, no. That sounds miles beyond awkward. Are both your parents still living? Yeah, thankfully. What’s something that makes you feel more creative? Music, for sure. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I do find those super cute. What gives you a quality of life? Not much nowadays, idk. What would give you a high quality of life? A sense of purpose, direction, and worth. Do you have any rugs on top of carpet in your home? We have a big one in our living room, yes. I don't get it. Do you have a mattress cover on your bed? Yeah. Do you hate taking naps during the day? No; naps are normal for me. Who has the best personality on YouTube? Maybe I'm biased, but I genuinely do think Mark for a multitude of reasons. He's just extremely likable imo and sincerely a fucking spectacular human being. Do you have any vinyl records? No, but I would love to collect classic rock and metal ones. Which serial killer(s) do you find most fascinating? I'm quite honestly not well-informed in serial killer stories. I think they're interesting, but not enough for me to learn about them. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's fuckin dope. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? ALL OF THEM AHHHH!!!!! But I particularly love learning about social animals, like meerkats (mongoose in general, really), African wild dogs, wolves, etc. What are your thoughts on gun control? I don't support the idea of banning firearms altogether, but I am very much in favor of some reform. There needs to be a much, much more strict and complex system in order for you to legally own a gun, and I also support periodic "check ups" to ensure you still fit whatever criteria is laid out. "Bad people will still find guns;" yes, some most certaintly will, but you can't convince me that the numbers wouldn't decrease. It would take a serious villain to put so much effort into pursuing obtaining a firearm. Do you like animals better than most humans? Sure do. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I've blocked people to prevent that. If you collect anything, what is your favorite piece of that collection? I cherish the plush meerkat Jason gave me most, probably; out of my Silent Hill stuff, the limited edition Revelation flyer I have in Japanese. Are you friends with anybody you didn’t like at first? Hi, meet my best friend lmao. Are there any musicians you didn’t like at first, but grew on you? Probably. Do you have any favorite books you’d like to have signed by the author? Not really. Well wait, Ozzy signing my copy of his autobiography would be pretty damn cool. Do you like any board games or card games? I'm not really a board game fan, but Magic: The Gathering is fun as far as card games go. What historical figure(s) are you most interested in? I'm not incredibly interested in any, but I do think Pharaoh Hatshepsut was a bad bitch. She was one of the extremely few female pharaohs, and if my memory serves me right, one of the most successful. Do you like Breaking Benjamin? I sure do. How many people of the opposite sex have you told you loved them? One. Have you ever had to change your phone number? Yes, because I was getting strange texts from numbers I didn't know. Have you ever played bingo at an actual bingo hall? No. What’s your favourite comic book/graphic novel? I don’t read any. What is something you take pride in? How far I've come as far as my mental illnesses go, particularly depression and PTSD. What’s the biggest magnet on your fridge? I'm not getting up to go look. Have you ever eaten a Big Mac? No; I hate lettuce on burgers, so. What brand is your vaccuum cleaner? Dunno. Do you believe in sex before marriage? Sure, but I don't believe it's a must for everyone. Plenty of people don't even want to get married. Be intimate once you're comfortable with the person, and be safe and smart about it. Are you for or against abortion? I'm pro-choice. Do you feel like you need to lose weight? It's fact that I need to. My body just doesn't want to, afuckingpparently. All I seem to be capable of is either maintain or gain nowadays. Is summer your favorite season? It's my least favorite, actually. Do you wear glasses? I'm basically blind without 'em. Can you say the alphabet in more than one language? Yeah, in German. What do you want out of life? To feel like I made a difference, even if it's a small one. Do you ever get carsick? No. Do you groom your eyebrows? Not really anymore, no. Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? No. When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Oh boy, probably not since I had my cyst in I think '16. I was in so much agony and we had no painkillers, so I had to wake up Mom to go to Walmart to grab some. They barely even helped at all. God, I couldn't imagine dealing with that again. Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yes. Do you have alcohol in your house? I don't think we do right now, no. Do you have any personal fashion rules that revolve around your own preferences/body type (e.g., you never/always wear a certain color, sleeve type, or length of dress)? Yeah; I don't wear anything that shows my legs unless I shaved, but I will never wear a dress that isn't at least past my knees. Do you remember any celebrity whose style you admired when you were a teen? What do you think of that style now? Avril Lavigne was/is an ICON. I still think she looks badass. So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say the opposite, but I say "gif" now. Apparently that's how the creator of the term says it anyway. When you are invited to things like wedding showers or baby showers do you tend to go or skip? What about graduation parties? If Mom is able to take me, I'll try to go to the first two if they're my closer friends. Do you like spicy chips? Oh FUCK yes. What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? Elf with Sara's fam. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. Dad's, only the month. Do you read your friends' surveys? Yep, I love learning about them. Do you know anyone with a glass eye? Not to my knowledge, no. Do you ever use the n-word? Absolutely not. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? I tend to like lip piercings. Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? Chicken. Ever spent the night in a tent? Yeah, multiple times as a kid, "camping" in the yard with Dad, haha. What do you call your grandparents? I called both sets just "Grammy" and "Grampa." Have you ever cried while reading a book? Oh, certainly. How many college degrees do you want? I got none, and I'm not going back to college. Do you know how to play pool? What about foosball? Yes. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah, hockey with my dad a few times. Do you own any jerseys? No. Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; that's why I had braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Maybe like... Victor. Idk. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour. Do you like bacon bits on your salad? Yeah. What is your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a soup person. Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yeah. What do you take for pain? Advil/Ibuprofen. What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? My pre-teen and teenage years house: in the woods on a dead-end road and down a gravel path that everyone always missed when learning where our house was. The actual road itself had very, very little traffic, and there was a large expanse of cotton fields. I loved it and miss the house itself, but it's got a lot of bad memories rotting in it. Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? My niece and nephew. <3 Who is your favorite cousin? I don't have a favorite. We barely interact at all. Does one side of your family live in another state? Literally none of my extended family (or half-siblings) live in NC. What states did your parents grow up in? New York and Ohio. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? No. Is there a good hospital where you live? God no. It is notoriously awful. When was the last time you were asked out? Did you accept or decline? Mid-2017. I aceepted. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? N/A Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? Yeah. Probably white/ivory or black. Ever had a caricature done of yourself? How much was it, and were you satisfied with it? No. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches? No, I don't like the texture. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? Probably not. What’s your favorite amusement park? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Do you play video games? If so, what kind? Yeah. My favorite are horror games, but I also love me some story-driven survival games like The Last of Us, and then there's "kids" games like Spyro, etc. I like a looot of different kinds. Would you buy used clothes? I don't think so. I know it's easy to wash clothes and stuff, I'd just still feel kinda... grossed out by it.

[succubustears]

My nightmare started at the hospital. My friend K and I were at a hospital... I don't really remember why. We were rushed out with a group of people. We left my aunt K there. Everyone was looking for their cars in this giant parking lot. My friend thought my car was in the opposite direction of where it was. I guided him the right way and using my cars horn we found it. It was in the biggest parking lot I have ever seen. Surrounded by dumped rusty metal storage containers and other things. It was like a giant open warehouse or dump site.

When we got into the car my two aunts C and S were there. S was driving for some reason so I was in the back with K. We drove through the area and S made a huge turn and scraped the back of my car on a container. I felt scared and timidly asked if she would help repair it.

We were on the road this time and surrounded by the usual PNW trees. She made another huge turn but the car left the road. We plummeted backwards into the foliage for so long, finally hitting a tree dead on with the back of the car flinging us down into a valley. We were already far off from any town. My aunts were fine but K and I were really rattled. I got out and found my bearings. K was getting ill by the car. C and S kept acting like we were being dramatic.

I looked around. There were a few older looking buildings, but no roads. Two young boys peeked out and we're walking over. I looked at my phone and had a bit of service. I called the emergency number and a man answered and cut me off every time I tried to speak. He said he would get us but I never said where i was. It made me nervous.

The boys arrived and I asked if they had any adults with them. They timidly looked at each other and said the adults wouldn't help us but they would do their best to help. They looked scared so I hugged each and had them go back home. I couldn't find K. Eventually S and C were gone too. They had left without me purposefully. The objects I took from the car were left but the car was gone too, only leaving the damage it caused in the dirt and trees. Night was arriving.

Time passed. I was there a while, along with another version of me. A version who couldn't talk. A version I protected like a sister. We lived in the place the car crashed. I took care of her and when the boys didn't return from the houses I decided to investigate them myself. My phone was gone and I couldn't find it. I wanted to contact someone.

I met one of the boys and asked if I could use their restroom. He agreed and let me in. I locked myself in and sat on the closed toilet, crying softly to myself a while. I was still cut and bruised from the crash tired and in pain. I calmed myself down and looked at myself in the mirror. I had dried blood on my face, my hair was tangled, my face was swollen and I noticed my front teeth had chipped. A vain part of me was devestated. They hurt but it wasn't so bad so I rinsed my face and began drinking the water desperately. I noticed it was a coppery brown color but I didn't care.

I left to thank the boy but he was gone. The more I looked around the house it didn't look lived in. I made my way to a bedroom that gave me a sinister feeling. There were two closets. One had some cloth hanging out of it, like it was closed in a rush and someone was hiding on the other side. I could hear voices from behind it. I walked slowly to it and the voices got louder. I had my hand on the handle but everything in my body told me not to open it. I was terrified.

I snapped out of it and left that room quickly. I looked around the house and remembered the boy telling me that I could take anything I wanted. I found my backpack there but I didn't bring it. I thought it was in the car when it was removed. I was happy because it had my study materials and other things I like to keep with me. It was mood lifter to say the least. Something told me to stay out of that house. I took a rolled up carpet, blankets, and things I could use to fortify our camp outside.

I returned to the other me. She was terrified and clung to me, so I hugged her. I guess I was gone a while. I gave her a book I found and she stayed in the camp reading it. She just read whatever I handed to her. I spent the time studying my Japanese and being frustrated with my inability to write Kanji properly. Time passed.

So much time had passed. The houses looked overgrown. I hadn't seen the boys in a long time. I had stacked stones into a bit of a wall. It was flat enough to doodle on and carve out. Made me feel safe. The moss and the comfort of the trees weren't so bad. The sun peeked through the trees and it wasn't so bad. I still wanted to leave.

I went to look for more things for my other me to read, and things to fortify our camp with. I looked through a window and saw animals scamper into another room. I opened the window and let myself in. It was a different house than the other. I hadn't been in this one yet. It didn't look lived in but it didn't look complete abandoned either. It gave me a pit in my stomach. I could tell I wasn't alone. I walked through the living area and into a hall that led to the rooms. I heard an old man scream from behind me and began to chase me. I shoved into a bedroom and ran into a closet, trying to pull the door closed.

But... Clothing was peeking out of it causing me to be unable to close the door. My eyes were wide and terrified, realizing I had seen this before, but from the other side. It was too late. The man was already in the room and knew where I was due to my mistake. I tried to keep the door closed with my strength but it wasn't a match. He was stronger than me. Almost feral. Spit was foaming and dripping from his thin lips onto his unkempt facial hair. He looked like he lived here alone forever. He slammed the door open and reached for me like a zombie. I screamed.

I woke up in a panic back at my camp. It was that morning before I went into the house. I looked at my shaking hands. There were red marks from me trying to keep the door closed and protect myself. It was almost like I had died and respawned. I gulped and calmed myselfm understanding my mistakes and I attempted to do it again, for some reason. If I could just not get caught...

I followed the same path as before. He screamed and I ran. I tried to grab the clothing hung on the door to make sure I could close it in time but it got caught anyway. My eyes widened in fear. I knew... But it happened anyway. I felt betrayed by my ego. I was so scared I fainted. I felt my consciousness leave my hands first, my knees buckled, my eyes closed and all I could hear was the feral footsteps of the man pursuing me.

My eyes fluttered open. It was dark but I could tell I was at the bottom of the closet. My back ached from laying on boxes and shoes. I pulled myself up and listened. It was quiet. I peeked out the door and there was no one there. My guard up, I left the closet and tiptoed out to peek out to the living room. I could tell I was alone in the house I relaxed a tiny bit with a small breath out.

The living room had changed. In front of the dingy blue couch there was now a bed shoved in the little space that was between the couch and the font window. It looked like the bed had been used recently. Something was placed on the unkempt covers. To my delight it was my phone. I checked it and it had a bit of charge and a bit of signal.

I ran back to my camp and called my father, who answered the phone casually asking how I had been. I didn't know how much time had passed but I knew it was a long time. I was shaking and trying to be polite. I know my father and if I speak to him wrong he would just hang up but I knew I couldn't call he emergency line again.

I was holding back tears. He was the first tangible thing I was able to contact. I told him what happens. The car accident, I couldn't find K, C and S left without me. I'm alone and I want to go home. I'm scared.

He sounded a bit annoyed. "C and S got back fine. Why can't you? Where's your car?" He said.

I explained that the car left when C and S left. I was desperate. They must have taken it! I gasped. I was holding on to my phone with both hands.

He sounded a bit less annoyed. "Ah. What a pain."

Tears were bubbling out of my eyes. I kept my voice calm knowing he would hang up on me if he heard me crying. "Please... I'd like to go home. I'll do anything to pay you back so please help me just this once. Just get me home.

My dad was quiet a moment. His voice was so calm and so cold. "It would be easier and cheaper for me if you just stayed there. It's going to cost money to find you. It's just going to be a burden on me. I'm happy. Why can't you just stay."

My heart skipped a beat. It felt like I was stabbed in the chest. My knees were weak. I was in so much pain. I was suffering. My teeth were broken. I was being hunted. I was so scared. My knees buckled and I begged.

He sighed on the other end and asked where I was. I scrambled to pull open my phone out to open my gps and I was immediately confused. I wasn't in Washington anymore. I was in Indonesia... But it wasn't Indonesia. It was called Indonesia but due to dream logic it looked more like Madagascar on the map and had the look of rural Washington...

He said he would try and make something work and my phone died. I held the phone to my chest. At least I could have the hope that I may be getting help.

Some more time passed and a man younger than me came, I recognized him as one of the boys from before. He said he was back for the summer but his brother wouldn't be joining him. He stayed a bit with me and helped me with things I couldn't physically do. He was secretive but I knew he was familiar. I was there for so long it almost seemed like home. He had gotten me more paper and pens and I was so happy.

All I can remember is that at night there was always a shadow to be afraid of. Similar to the old man I always ran from. My tired body always ached and my teeth hurt. The other me wasn't there anymore. It was just me. Lonely and tired on the verge of giving up.

My dad came and while I was scared I still was polite and appreciatative. He made comments about my cleanliness and teeth but I could hardly pay attention. I cried saying goodbye to the boy and asked him to not forget me. I felt so sad. I was so easily forgotten by everyone. Even my own family. I begged him not to and he promised he wouldnt. I knew he would forget me but it made me feel better to hear it. I remember limply sitting in the passengers side of my fathers truck as we drove away. I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness. I felt the fear like I was back in the closet. I was in the closet. It was closed this time fully so I couldn't see a thing. It was hot and suffocating. I was sweating and my heart was pounding. My knees ached and my jaw ached. Someone was on the otherside of the closet.

-

I gasped in fear and was finally actually awake. I was rocketed awake by my work alarm. My mouth was dry and my body was sweaty, aching, and so heavy. I felt like I was awoken from the deepest sleep. I wanted to just fall back asleep but I slept so deep I missed my 9am alarm and it was my 10am alarm which meant I had to clock into work as soon as possible.

It took every ounce of strength and willpower to myself out of bed. My knees buckled since they've been swollen lately from the new medication I'm taking. I couldn't see straight and I clocked into work, plopping into my chair. I took my Adderall to counteract this fatigue as soon as possible. I fed the cats and made it back to my chair. I went to bed on time. I slept about 7-8 hours, I can only assume. I didn't do anything different last night. I ate well, took my medication on time, didn't eat sweets or forget to exercise.

I don't know why I dreamt all that. It took me 3 hours to write this all down. I dont know why I needed to do that. I just needed to. It's 1pm now and I'm still exhausted. My teeth look fine though. There's no reason to be afraid.

I wonder what it meant. If anything at all.

[thecloserkin]

book review: Carolyn Slaughter, Relations (1976)

Genre: Gothic psychological suspense

Is it the main pairing: yes

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: yes

Is it endgame: no

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: I read this concurrently with Wuthering Heights and allow me to play sommelier—10/10 recommend this wine pairing for maximum gothic extraness. tw: suicide

There’s boatloads of sex but this is not a horny story. It’s a lyrical story—in the sense of expressing direct, spontaneous feeling. Not that a story couldn’t be both (Wuthering Heights is both horny and lyrical) but I actually want to spend a minute defending this book to my past self. The first time I read it, I was unimpressed because Relations wasn’t much of a Love Story. You know the kind I’m talking about, you know the beats you’d expect it to hit: here is a pair of siblings tOrMeNtEd by their iLLiCiT pAsSiOn!!! I mean, the mode isn’t always tragic or dark but even the cream-puff versions of this arc entail some sort of line being crossed or feelings being caught. We are used to characters who begin in initial-state, a journey brings them to end-state and a clear delta separates the two conditions. This book says: fuck that. Fuck change. Fuck growth. My best days are behind me and I’m ok with that because now my brother is lost to me and I give zero fucks about anything else. We have a novel steeped in the symbolism of winter (the season of loss & deadness that is impermeable to change). Our pregnant heroine dreads her impending due date, in part because the child is not her beloved brother’s; but mostly because having a baby is just about the biggest change a body can be subjected to, and she’s actively averse to change. All she wants is her brother back. If you’re looking for characters to fall in love, as in transition from feeling one way to feeling another way, this is most likely not the book for you. But I enjoyed it a whole helluva lot and let me tell you why.

The predominant note of this story is MELANCHOLY. It’s backwards-looking rather than forward-looking, things just keep getting worse and worse for our protagonist and yet she’s unapologetic about what she did: she loved her brother, loves him still and always will. What I admire is that she is steadfast in the face of remorseless despair. Compare these quotes, this one from near the beginning: “I feel listless, often close to tears. I am beset by fiendish pangs.” This is from near the end: “I am hollow, clanging with emptiness; there is no solution.” Do you see what I mean by no delta between initial-state and end-state? I think there is an important distinction between this book and Forbidden, which holds out the promise of a happy ending only to snatch it away at the last minute, in that Relations puts its cards on the table & promises no such thing. It’s melancholy all the way down (well, three-quarters of the way down it transpires this book is in fact a high-concept Folgercest prequel I SHIT YOU NOT friends read it yourself).

In the novel’s present, our girl Catherine is entombed in a emotionally sterile marriage; in the past she grows up warmed by the sun of her brother Christopher’s regard & affection. Slaughter chooses to locate these strands at two crucial points in Cathy’s development—age ten (prepubescent) and age thirty (the age at which women’s “biological clocks” start ticking—this is relevant because Slaughter is writing in the 1970s even if Cathy is living in the late Victorian Era). We should note here that Christopher is older than Catherine by two years, aka the universally acknowledged INCEST SWEET SPOT (I know some of you favor twincest but you are WRONG and I will prove it in my forthcoming monograph on the topic). At age ten, Cathy and Christopher have intercourse for the first time after stumbling on their father’s secret porn stash. The sex is more mechanical than enjoyable, and that’s the point: they start banging out of curiosity, keep banging out of habit, and only later do hormones and feelings kick in. Ten- and twelve-year-olds just don’t get horny the way older kids do, and that is, again, the entire point. Slaughter structures it so the sex happens first (in the very first flashback chapter). The feelings don’t follow, the feelings don’t emerge, the feelings were there all along. What the sex does is seal a secret between the two of them, the secret of their father’s porn stash (hidden in an abandoned wing of the house).

If we turn back to the present, we find Catherine yoked to a man who excites zero feelings in her. By her own admission she married him because “I found him pleasant to listen to and he never made any demands upon me.”These are the qualities that recommend a husband to her—that he impose no psychic demands whatsoever! All her energies are already absorbed in reminiscence lol. We find out he proposed to her with a speech worthy of Pride & Prejudice’s Mr. Collins, and that he possesses not a particle of passion. Which is exactly how Cathy wanted it:

I entered the marriage in a state of apathy; simply undergoing it because of Mamma’s pressure, and because there seemed no other real alternative apart from marriage open to me.

We were married in the winter of my thirtieth year.

I walked down the aisle in a state of complete inertia, my sense muffled by the laudanum … I wished with all my heart he could have been my brother.

File away that glancing reference to winter; more on that later. For now please focus on how numb she is—not discontent, just apathetic. Cathy insists the present brings her nothing but pain and insists she doesn’t regret the choices that brought her here. She’s unrepentant about loving Chris, and explicitly rejects the conventional moral framing that would view her past self as “sinning” and her present self as “redeemed”:

I could not rid myself of the old and over-riding passion of my childhood. I decided eventually that no one would ever, could ever, be what my brother had been to me.

If I could have felt then, and now, that there was some evil in what we did, then I could have borne it. But I could find no evil in it.

I would not be so oppressed if I could but feel my past was wicked and scandalous. If I believed that, i could gladly submit to the institution or the grave. But some buoyant spirit within me keeps insisting that what I had was fine, and contained elements of true beauty.

“The institution or the grave,” she says. Those are the choices. If you want to have Thoughts and Feelings and not just a Body, then your lot as a woman is to end up either in a sanitarium or dead in childbed. Only when she looks back at her childhood does Cathy perceive a time when it was different, when Christopher, at least, saw her as a whole-ass person. Yes, this is another entry in dr. thecloserkin’s ongoing “Incest vs. the Patriarchy” series; if you guys thought I was going to stay off my bullshit for more than ten minutes then joke’s on you hahaha. Here are some quotes that show she was getting her emotional needs met as a child (she’s borderline suicidal as an adult):

leaves me with only the memory of such complete intimacy. It is beyond my reach now, and perhaps I shall never agin recapture it though I live to be ninety.

there was no discord in our interests and desires.

We talked all the time. We never ran out of conversation; I never grew tired of his speech.

It never occurred to me…that we would not always be together. There seemed no need for anyone else—he filled out my present and my past.

Ok so if everything was so idyllic back then what the heck happened? How did it all fall apart? Slaughter withholds the crucial revelatory scene until close to the end, but the story up till then is permeated by a very Gothic sense of creeping dread. The elephant on the horizon is change. Cathy and Chris are on the precipice of puberty, which portends seismic changes in their bodies, and the accompanying changes in their roles as they inch toward adulthood. Cathy doesn’t handle it well:

the old fear. A fear of things changing; of his face looking at me in an unfamiliar way; of our world altering and growing cold about me.

There seemed no question why it should not always continue in this way, and no reason why our bodies or our minds should change or suddenly not fit.

Our life became a little cloister: and I never wanted to leave it. The idea of change haunted me.

I was insisting, always, like a child, the nothing must change; nothing must happen to destroy our life together.

And here is where I connect her fear of change with her favorite season, winter:

I was afraid of change. It seemed menacing. I realized the sadness and bleakness of the winter really suited my nature best. It made me feel more real; sadness now seemed more real than happiness; more permanent, and therefore easier to bear.

the seasons change and find me the same. Nothing touches me, nothing makes me laugh or weep. I have no real substance.

OMG SHE’S A FUCKING REVENANT

”You are so thin. Your limbs are slim as these winter branches.”

I have touched my roots, my beginnings, the things that have formed me.

This book is an anti-change pro-winter manifesto. Winter is the season of desolation, where nothing grows, and if there is one change she adjures above all others it’s the life presently taking root within her womb:

If I am a seed about to burst, if I am to flower, the old seed, my Self, must die. Some new thing will grow out of me; but I must perish. I cannot have it; I cannot allow it to happen. I must protect myself from this that would devour me.

My body continued to change according to its own will, nothing could shift the determined embryo within me … I cannot bear the thought of this thing growing within me, living off my blood … I feel nothing but doom, and a great fear if this shall finally come to pass.

The progress of her pregnancy is literally making her mentally ill. I want to link this horror imagery to child!Cathy’s musings on the decomposition of her father’s corpse:

I wondered if all the flesh had fallen off by this time. I imagined his bones growing into the wood of the coffin, and the trees growing into his skull, the roots twisting around his rotting limbs.

People who read this passage and think “this is a really tight horror aesthetic but what is it doing in the middle of my luscious love story” are missing the point. This is a horror story. But instead of framing the incest as the impure act that violates and threatens our accepted categories, we are invited to view the pregnancy as a gross & unnatural hijacking of Cathy’s body. Her body’s fecundity defeats and puzzles her. She actually tells us about her nightmare wedding before she tells us about her real wedding; in her nightmare she looks at her bridegroom and:

transfixed with horror because he is without the male member — all that resides in the space between his thighs is a burnt-out stub—like the hacked branch of a tree deadened and blacked by many winters.

So far we’ve had body horror associated with (1) her father (2) her husband (3) her unborn baby. Notice who’s not on this list? Notice who she always thinks of with tenderness? Notice who doesn’t ever evoke an iota of fear or horror in Cathy? That’s right! Her brother. The whole incestuous affair is really an own-goal on patriarchy’s part, because the same doctor who warns Cathy’s mother against Cathy’s “wild and unnatural attachment to her brother” goes on to say:

Little girls, Madam, are the scourge of the earth. They have no future, but to grow into that unhealthy state of womanhood, with its unclean festerings and grotesque swellings of the abdomen. I would that little girls could always stay the pure young things they are before the age of eight.

This is some next-level IT WAS EVE’S FAULT SHE ATE THE APPLE spin. Can you blame Cathy for taking this venerable authority figure at his word, and staying “pure” by staying a child, by warding off womanhood and childbearing altogether? goodforher.jpg

Real quick here are some lighthearted episodes from their childhood since it’s not all doom and gloom: Christopher marches next door to confront the Frenchman who is maybe sleeping with their mom and is definitely perving on Cathy. Christopher returns the Frenchman’s gift of silk stockings with a grand declaration of “My sister Catherine has no need for these.” That’s right shut him down Chris!!! Also: Cathy falls into a frozen pond and Christopher rescues her. Their negligent mother blames Christopher. Cathy is shaking with pneumonia and all she wants to do is “make the sad look leave my brother’s sweet face.” Christopher refuses to leave her side until she rallies from the fever. He is thirteen:

I think that Christopher and I half-died together in that terrible week, and afterward, when the terror had passed, we were never quite the children we had been before.

Congrats kids you have undertaken a symbolic journey to the underworld!!!! Good job.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

It wouldn’t be a real incest story without a third sibling, an odd-man-out who helps us triangulate our main pairing’s relationship. Edward is a sociopath and a bully. Parents playing favorites always wreaks havoc with children’s sense of self-worth, but I think in this case it’s 90% down to Edward just being a bad egg (fwiw their father, when he was alive, did favor Christopher). Edward is a peripheral figure for most of their childhood; he appears only to “bang on our door to tell us to be silent for our giggling kept him awake.” That’s right, our door—teenage Catherine and Christopher share not just a room but a bed (!). Edward resurfaces as an adult to beg for Catherine’s intercession with his wife. He married an heiress, and now he seems to have soured on her. He talks about her “malady” and her “hysterical nonsense.” She has “phantom confinements.” They are “phantom” because she is barren. Sir you are literally a Victorian dude named Edward who keeps his mad wife locked up in the attic, you can sit allllll the way down. A heavily pregnant Catherine rolls up to Edward’s house just in time to witness his wife’s suicide: ”I had to make sure there was nothing inside me,” explains the poor woman, lying in a pool of blood after cutting her abdomen open with a knife. This seems fine. This whole society seems fine, right? Catherine reflects: “Ill-health or madness was her only solution, married as she was to a man who so complacently felt himself her superior” and “We are sepulchered alive in this close world, and want more room.” If this applies to her sister-in-law’s tragic fate it applies with equal force to her own situation. Cathy may not be physically barren but her inner life is empty af.

I’m going to talk about the breakup now. The climax of this book is the last time Cathy and Chris have sex. Contrast the arc of many slow-burn stories where the climax is the first time the main pairing has sex. Cathy’s menses doesn’t even arrive until after the incestuous affair is over! And what precipitates the breakup? Well, their mother decides to take the family on a seaside vacation. This is the summer when everything changes (Cathy’s favorite season is winter, and she abhors change). As for what changes, exactly, it’s kind of unclear? Wasn’t like they got caught having beach sex (which they had a ton of). The forces of change are wholly internal. They’re growing up. They’re waking up to the existence of social taboos that will brand their love “unnatural” & worse. As readers we can see that Catherine and Christopher’s attachment is as natural as breathing, and it’s actually the Incest Is Icky crowd that’s drawing harmful artificial boundaries. What happens is there’s a local girl who has obvious designs on Chris. She’s a nonentity but the mere existence of someone outside of Catherine and Christopher, someone who views one of them as an object of sexual desire, sort of punctures the bubble they’ve hitherto been living in. They can’t pretend society doesn’t exist or that what they’re doing isn’t immoral by its lights:

”We have never felt bad before. It just happened and there was no harm in it. I see no harm in it now—I cannot feel suddenly that it is wrong … but even if it is, why does it signify? Nobody knows.” ”Yes, but why does nobody know? It must be because we have deliberately tried to hide it?”

Christopher is the one who unilaterally decides that incest is wrongdirtybad and it has to end. Christopher is the one who seeks out Rando Local Girl and fucks her just to prove how serious he is about ending it with Cathy, which imo was inflicting a pointlessly cruel injury for no reason?? Wtf Chris I thought you were one of the good ones. What I love about Cathy is the steadfastness of her conviction—she accepts Christopher’s decision but she is far from convinced by his reasoning, his deference to social norms. Here’s Cathy’s take: “it seems to me that to live in a way that is contrary to one’s own nature, to live in a way that is false, that is the evil. The discontent grows like a cancer.” Authenticity ought to count for something, no? But these kids and their beautiful love are ultimately outmatched by, and broken by, the weight of social mores:

I could not bear to think of anything changing. I wanted it to stay the same dear way it had always been; ever since I could remember … but the spell was broken; we could not pretend any more. We had to stop being children. “Please. Once more.”

And that’s the breakup scene. It’s devastating. Cathy keeps staring at this one beauty mark on Christopher’s familiar well-loved face and she’s crying and I’m crying too. Recall that they’re still sharing a room/a bed up to this point? “The first night alone was the worst,” says Cathy. Imagine losing the person who is your whole world….overnight. Oof. There’s a time-jump of a few years, and Chris announces he’s off to—I think South Africa? I think this is around the time of the Boer War? I didn’t make any detailed notes and I’ll be damned if I’m going to fish for my copy of the book just to confirm what we already know, that it’s the 1800’s and the sun never set on the British Empire:

”I must get away from here and see something different; begin again…I cannot imagine a day without your face, or your sweet companionship. I do love you. But this must be for the best.”

Christopher goes off to doing colonial-settler stuff, initially. Here’s his first letter home:

I want you to be happy and grow up straight without me.

As opposed to growing up crooked, or growing up gay?? Here are subsequent letters where he seems to have done a complete 180:

thought it would be simpler to be away from you, from the constant temptation. It is not. My nightmares terrify me, they are eating my brain. I don’t know how long this can last.

AND THEN he writes he’ll be coming home for Christmas! I must’ve missed the memo where this story turns into a straight-up Folgers fic but that’s about where we are. It’s literally Folgercest. He goes to Africa explicitly to get away from her. Time and distance cannot suppress their feelings. He comes home to find her still waiting for him:

”Why have you clung to me, or rather the memory of me. For surely the memory is better than this twisted, pathetic creature before you?” “I have found no one better,” I said simply.

Asdfdfkdfjd this reunion scene is heartbreaking bc Christopher and Catherine are barely five minutes in each other’s company before Edward intrudes, claims to have found them in a compromising position, claims to have suspected all along about the incest, almost comes to blows with Christopher, tells him to get out. And Chris does. Cathy doesn’t even get to say goodbye. Edward’s presence is so clearly a case of entrapment—he was expecting Chris to come to her, he was expecting to catch them doing something “inappropriate” even though it sounds like they were only embracing—that there is no doubt in my mind Edward’s intent was to hurt Cathy and Chris, rather than to protect Cathy’s reputation or whatever bullshit he was spouting. We have seen from Edward’s abuse of his wife that he is no kind of moral authority. He does, however, succeed in “making me feel unclean, and dirt was attaching itself to me with every foul word he said.” In this scene Edward is handy synecdoche for patriarchy, which berates Cathy with accusations of sinfulness while actively stifling her every creative impulse and intellectual endeavor. If this book has a villain (and I don’t think it does; it’s not that kind of book) Edward is it. I find that edifying. It’s not Cathy’s husband who’s the primary antagonist standing in the way of her self-actualization—the husband is no more than an empty suit—it’s her other brother. One brother saves her and the other damns her.

After Edward runs Chris off and Chris goes back to Africa there are a few more letters, including this one: “that nothing has changed in my heart. That I love you with the passion of our youth, with the strength of all these long, long years.” Thank you for the affirmation Chris! I needed it even if Cathy didn’t. But the war is ramping up and Chris is headed into a combat zone and the odds of his survival do not look good. Cathy is already preparing to grieve him. She’s also preparing to go into labor any day now. These two threads, her brother’s impending death and her child’s impending birth, merge in the final pages of the book where Cathy is just clearly SO OVER IT:

I have nothing to fight, yet the waiting is most terrible … I have nothing to do but wait. I have nothing to leave.

It is hard to go on. How can I escape this life, this round of boredom and other births? O, that I could be ten and happy!

That’s the end but come on. Raise your hand if you don’t think this girl will 100% yeet herself into the sea and they’ll rule it “postpartum depression”? Anybody? No?

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, NAY! You’ve been accepted for the role of JULIET. Admin Minnie: My arms are wide open for you to return to us, Nay! I am so unbelievably thrilled to have your Juliana join us again. You capture her completely, without reservation and without a bit of doubt — and for good reason. You understand Juliana in a way that honestly leaves me speechless. And the fact that you wrote a whole new app that incorporated the darkness you’ve discovered in Juliana along the way? The potential, the precipice that she stands on now with so much to lose and even more to gain? Wow. Nay, I’m so glad you’re back. I can’t wait to weep reading your writing yet again. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | nay.

Age | twenty-one, but my birthday is next month (january 8th!) so i'm already telling people i'm twenty-two. or eighty? spiritually, i'm eighty & i'm knitting these days, so.

Preferred Pronouns | she/her.

Activity Level | my life is something of a circus, i'll be real with you. i live between two houses, i'm trying to get through my final year of undergrad while trying to earn money writing, fighting mental illness (aren't we all?) and basically having a midlife crisis every other week. but, like. an 8. i love y'all such a lot, you can't keep me away ;)

Timezone | gmt+5.

How did you find the RP? | i… don't even remember at this point. it's just home.

Current/Past RP Accounts | to quote Hamlet, act III, scene iii, line 87? no.

IN CHARACTER

Character | juliet / juliana rosa capulet.

J U L I A N A | the name is chosen before she is even born. picked out of a Bible resting askew atop rounded-belly, like a flower from a garden: Juliana. she is named in devotion to the once-suffering patron saint of sickness, Saint Juliana of Nicomedia (now, Naples). she is only a squirming bundle, already carrying a legend of martyrdom through a namesake.

R O S A | what smelt sweeter than a rose? her mother adored them – and thus, there could never be anything sweeter ever again. so sweet, many hearts yearn to pick them. enchanted by the intoxicating perfume, many lovers cut themselves on these thorns.

C A P U L E T | who truly understood the magnitude of a name? a name of Anglo-Saxon origin; coming from a wooded area beside a chapel, hailing from a family who once-lived in a village named Caplewood. a prophecy, then—taken, and bastardized: paupers evolving into the kings, a chapel beside no more than a house to their sins.

What drew you to this character? | i remember fragments of the last time i answered this question. this time, i made it a point not to read my old application, because if i was going to reapply? i wanted to do it the right way, go through the whole process, start on a fresh page. that said, i do recall my own surprise at a reincarnation of juliet capulet being my character of choice. i remember my own poetic gibberish; this romanticisation of colours & versatility, the whole universe inside juliana that causes her so much pain. somehow, after the span of only months of writing her, i can't answer it the same. somehow, a paltry chunk of time has turned an idea i was enchanted by into a person. somehow… it made the experience of reading her biography again, after all this time, a more impactful one. and perhaps that's the mark of rosey being the wretchedly talented wordsmith we must suffer angst for loving, but i found myself picking up on details i had missed, and lines i had forgotten to be arrested by – and somehow, a character i had, swathed in my own contradictory brand of hubris, thought i knew like the back of my hand? she still inspired me. i still had ideas flooding in my head, and love swelling my heart. i think that's the mark of a well-written character, every bit as much as it is an indicator that the character is one you can write with integrity.

thrive. ghost. onlooker, helplessness, obsession, lamented, saint, blood, symbol, succumbing.

isn't it absolutely prophetic?

what draws me to juliana is her complexity, at the heart of it. i love the boundless possibility of her; this dainty, precious, precocious slip of a girl—not just a girl, but not quite a woman yet—and the enormous weight of a last name, which really has nothing on the burden that is the heart she carts around in her chest. there's something peculiar about her, an eeriness about how truly, genuinely tender she is. and as easy as her tenderness is to mistake for weakness, she isn’t. she is the embodiment of love – and much as it is absolutely the greatest source of pain to her, it is her greatest strength. love is what makes her, and it is what has the power to completely undo her: to a different version of herself, harder or softer, or undone.

i’d see it as a great privilege to get to explore her story.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide mention, mental illness mention, postpartum depression mention, drowning mention

LOVER / her heart is her biggest strength, just as it is her biggest weakness. it always has been. just like it was her mother's. it's why her father worries so much about her – and how can she begrudge him for it? she worries about herself, too. jia capulet had had a bleeding heart; where had that landed her? six feet under is where. and thus, they worry, worry for the ways that she is her mother's daughter. but juliana worries about the ways in which she is her father's daughter, too. she loves him so dearly, so reverently, that she has been his dutiful puppet. she has been a figurehead, a symbol, a caricature. she has smiled… she has been smiling for an eternity, for an audience that never stops watching. she worries, still, about how much war steals: time, and lives, and this city that is their home. there is some irony to it, she thinks; the girl they say has everything, so terrified of loss.

› juliana is so thoroughly a person led by her heart. moreover, she is a compulsive overthinker. she nitpicks (internally, constantly), she analyses, she wonders and lays awake at night plagued by questions she cannot answer, and answers she knows not questions to. it isn't a surprise that her own story — i.e. the people she comes from — is something that weighs on her, heavily, and shapes her, influencing her thoughts, perceptions and choices. 

this is a self-driven plot, i know, but i want to headcanon that her mother, jia, suffered from a devastating case of postpartum depression after she prematurely conceived juliana's little sister. italy is actually a frontrunner in hands-on understanding of mental health without the questionable committing to an institution, but with that said, jia capulet wasn't italian. she was chinese, and didn't grow up in a society where she would at all be open to entertaining the idea of mental illness perpetuated by pregnancy. it is incredibly difficult to help someone who does not want to be helped – and all juliana and cosimo could do for her was pray. and when they failed her, and she and the baby girl were found floating in the lake behind capulet manor, all they could do was hide the story from the world, the first secret between father & daughter. it is a personal headcanon of mine that juliana bears an eerie resemblance to her mother, and that doesn't help the difficulty of separating her own identity from the trauma that's tainted her childhood, and the trauma currently tainting her adolescence.

i'm dying to explore how it produces an adulthood for her. as much as i love a good coming of age story, juliana's needs to be something darker. i want to see what she takes from her parents, what she tucks away, what she tosses aside – and who is left, ultimately, after it all.

ALL MY FLOWERS GREW BACK AS THORNS / two years: that's how long it's been since juliana's world was turned upside down. oh, of course she'd heard the rumours. of course she'd heard snippets of conversations, caught the caution in some eyes, malice in others, in too many others. she had never asked questions for the answers she was given, had she? but an evening in her father's study — cosimo's brows furrowed, and vivianne's arched, expectant — and reality was unveiled, all the same. beneath the cover of those luscious roses, nurtured and adored, was reality. go on, they had urged her. la principessa was to get her hands dirty, to seize the opportunity she had never been brave enough to ask for – and now, those hands bled, reality's gritty red, ruddy & relentless, oozing out of thorn-impalement, those puncture wounds. it stings. it stings, it stings, it stings, over & over. how much can she take?

› the biggest overarching plot-point for juliana's i story that i would so like to explore is the changes in her as the war progresses, and how it transforms her. i genuinely believe that she is, at heart, a good person. she is also, however, a good person who has grown up with a very basic, one-dimensional view of morality and goodness and their opposites, in the way that children are. in large part, that's attributed to the extremely sheltered way juliana has been raised, protected so suffocatingly, and that's why i understand that it hits her and begins to shape her immediately, going from the extreme of being in the dark about everything and then essentially becoming the figurehead for a war that has been going on for way, way longer than she has even known about it. there is a difference between idealism and optimism, and the lesson to understand it is a painful one. i would like to put her through that, and peel back the layers of her naiveté to unveil the woman she must grow into.

GLORY & GORE / verona is falling apart. lives are being lost – innocent, guilty… who is man to decide, what is to be done with Dio's creations? juliana was raised to believe in God. she was raised to respect the universe, to do her duty to spread kindness, to work to spread good fortune where it was lacking and to be generous with it. is a gun in her hand one day meant to change who she is at heart? who is this violence for, for whose good? what is to come of it all? is power ever enough? will it ever be? who will be left standing? will anyone? the streets run too red. this is not her verona.

› i would love to see juliana, at a point, actually take over the reins from cosimo. now, the possible events that could lead up to that as endless: a death, a coup, a voluntary succession? i'm here for any of it. but a plot i'm very interested in is seeing juliana, who has spent a majority of time being rigid, and uncomfortable, too caught up in a holier than thou take on mob reality taking on power and defining it for herself now that the war has begun to very personally take from her – first, the near-assassination of her father, then vivianne's blood on her hands, and now, her beloved rafaella. i want to see how she balances her humanity and diplomacy, if it truly isn't possible to both be in power and not be corrupted by it. i want to see who follows her, who would pledge allegiance to her, and what she would do of those who do not. spicy plot, right?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | so long as she dies for love.

IN DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample: 

NOTE: i cheated and stole an excerpt of my own thread for juliana. oops?

Excruciating awareness seemed to be her stock in life. One would think—as, frankly, Juliana herself often did, excruciatingly aware of her mind’s rapid, ricocheting song—that it would be she was used to it by now. But she was no such thing, and it was because of this that she found herself ultimately unable to detach herself from what a companion of hers thought of her, unable to keep from recording even the most minute of details, some of them caught out of the corner of sharp, dark eyes. Even though Juliana Capulet knew that she thought she knew better than to care what anyone thought of her, given how routinely she exploited popular perception for the benefit of her own agenda, she had only ever been able to claim the victory of divorcing what people thought of her from what she knew of herself.

Lately, that hadn’t been feeling like much. A victory, still, but only a half-baked one. One that didn’t keep her from feeling an elementary sort of embarrassed shame, like she was a child who’d got caught with her hand in the cookie-jar. Perhaps that was only because what she knew of herself was a chapter already passed by… and the person who sat in front of Katarina DuPont was not the person she knew. This person was not Juliana alone; they did not sit together to share conversation about art and religion, about culture and cuisine, about music or magic. They sat together: the future Capulet mafiosa and a soldier in the army she would inherit. It was simple and as complicated as that.

At least there will still be wine, Juliana thought, halfheartedly.

Intravenous therapy was more than what was necessary to stay the inner-workings of the heiress’ mind, unfortunately. And there wasn’t enough chilled glasses of it poured down her throat to keep Juliana from wondering what it was that Katarina DuPont knew of her. Whether there was a file out there that encompassed all the myriad reasons in which she was the awful, doubtful fit for leading the Capulet mob, and had been from the first moment that she had finally been told about it. Whether that supposed file would be a less pathetic read even with a couple of pages worth of additional material on a traumatically-revised mindset pressed between its lips in offering. Would it make a difference? After nearly three years worth of distastefully looking down upon a history begun by an ancestor called Lucius Capulet; a man who had taken power into his own hands, with a vengeful spirit burning from years worth of mistreatment setting it alight – and then eating through it, like fire through paper, until what he resented in power-wielding elite that brought as much ruination as it did opulence is what his initiative rotted down to. Three years, and all her judgement bowed its self-righteous head down to was, what? Ah, agony that altered her. A night—one night—and she was no longer the same. Did it make her enlightened, then, to be awoken by her own thirst for vengeance, now – by an insatiable urge for Rallis—and those like him—to suffer as they ought to? Or was she just another hypocrite?

Juliana had always rather liked her eyes. They were so dark, so shadowed by raven-haired lashes casting shade over enigmatic irises, it at least kept her from flustering herself over the blonde being able to read the questions she had no answers for burning darkly within them. At least there was that. It kept her from her own worries clouding the clarity with which her honeyed counterpart answered her question. And for that – oh, for that, Juliana was ever-glad. Eternally, and boundlessly. For as right as she was about their relationship being that of a leader and soldier? She was terribly wrong, as well, for the conviction with which Katarina’s words spilt felt like poetry. They touched her soul. They stirred it. Our cause, the dauntingly tall woman called it. It warmed Juliana’s gut more than even her laugh had done. Every second we live and breathe, gives us a chance to do better. “Yes.” The word was a rough whisper, sounding from the embrace of the swelled walls of her throat. “Yes,” but her own conviction cut through it, exhaled a second time.

“Better is all I want. I –” Would it be a mistake to say it out-loud? Perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. “Well, I want more than this. For this city I love, for this universe that speaks to my soul, for… these hearts that live in my heart. Better – yes, I do agree, Katarina. I believe, as well. I want more than mindless bloodshed. I want more than fear and terror, more than domination for the sake of domination. I do not know just how clearly you can see it,” wryness laced the words as fluidly as her emotions had done, “I am not my father.”

Then that, too, dissolved. It gave way to gold, still hot & bubbling: “I am another entity entirely. Not a mouth-piece, not a symbol. I am a woman, and one of my word at that. I told you I would tell you why I asked – so here is why, signora. I ask because one of those who hold room in my heart, one of the largest… was nearly lost to me. This war takes and takes. From all of us, Capulets and Montagues and those who watch, who savour, and who suffer. I got out of bed today to work towards better.” Her head canted. Lashes lifted, unveiled those same dark eyes. Juliana let them burn.

“Would you like to join me?”

Extras: 

pinterest;

playlist;

headcanons -

due to having spent a large portion of her childhood on her own, juliana very early on developed an appreciation for time to herself. many of her interests, in fact, are shaped by it: her love for learning, for one, no matter the subject matter; her attachment to art, an outlet she keeps a secret, locked away in a room no one but herself is privy access to, and; additionally, the amount she talks to and counsels herself to stay sane.

her aesthetic preferences meander on the side of classic, vintage and minimalistic. it is extremely rare for juliana to opt for overt flashiness. she's pearls over diamonds, matte lip-stain in lieu of gloss, and neutral tones apparel over pops of colour.

she is petrified of rabbits, and their evil red eyes. 

juliana enjoys music, but she prefers it not having words.

she has a codependent relationship with coffee. no one with a body this slight has any business throwing back that many shots of espresso, but here she is anyway.

she has never learnt how to swim.

her nails and lips are always red, no matter the outfit. she enjoys having a signature of her own that has nothing to do with anyone else, as if it is her own private act of rebellion.

[ljones41]

"MANSFIELD PARK" (1999) Review

"MANSFIELD PARK" (1999) Review From the numerous articles and essays I have read on-line, Jane Austen’s 1814 novel, "Mansfield Park" did not seemed to be a big favorite among the author’s modern fans. In fact, opinions of the novel and its heroine, Fanny Price, seemed just as divided today, as they had been by Austen’s own family back in the early 19th century.

When director-writer Patricia Rozema was offered the assignment to direct a film adaptation of "Mansfield Park", she had originally rejected it. She claimed that she found both the novel and the Fanny Price character unappealing. In the end, she changed her mind on the grounds that she wrote her own screen adaptation. The result turned out to be an adaptation filled with a good deal of changes from Austen’s original text. Changes that have proven to be controversial to this day. One obvious change that Rozema had made centered on the heroine’s personality. Rozema’s script allowed actress Frances O’Connor to portray Fanny as a talented writer with a lively wit and quick temper. Mind you, Rozema’s Fanny continued to be the story’s bastion of morality – only with what many would view as sass. Rozema also allowed the Edmund Bertram character to become romantically aware of Fanny a lot sooner than the character did in the novel. Because of this revision, actor Jonny Lee Miller portrayed an Edmund who seemed a bit livelier and slightly less priggish than his literary counterpart. Characters like the Crawfords’ half-sister and brother-in-law, the Grants, failed to make an appearance. Fanny’s older brother, William Price, ceased to exist. And in this adaptation, Fanny eventually accepted Henry Crawford’s marriage proposal during her stay in Portsmouth, before rejecting it the following day. But the biggest change made by Rozema had involved the topic of slavery. The writer-director allowed the topic to permeate the movie. Austen’s novel described Fanny’s uncle by marriage, Sir Thomas Bertram, as the owner of a plantation on the island of Antigua. Due to a financial crisis, Sir Thomas was forced to depart for Antigua for a certain period of time with his oldest son as a companion. Upon his return to England and Mansfield Park, Fanny asked him a question regarding his slaves. Sir Thomas and the rest of the family responded with uncomfortable silence. Rozema utilized the Bertrams’ connection to African slavery to emphasize their questionable morality and possible corruption. She also used this connection to emphasize Fanny’s position as a woman, a poor relation, and her semi-servile position within the Mansfield Park household. Rozema used the slavery connection with a heavier hand in scenes that included Fanny hearing the cries of slaves approaching the English coast during her journey to Mansfield Park; a discussion initiated by Sir Thomas on breeding mulattoes; Edmund’s comments about the family and Fanny’s dependence upon the Antigua plantation; oldest son Tom Bertram’s revulsion toward this dependence and graphic drawings of brutalized slaves. These overt allusions to British slavery ended up leaving many critics and Austen fans up in arms. One aspect of "MANSFIELD PARK" that impressed me turned out to be the movie’s production values. I found the production crew's use of an abandoned manor house called Kirby Hall to be very interesting. Rozema, along with cinematographer Michael Coulter and production designer Christopher Hobbs, used the house's abandoned state and cream-colored walls to convey a corrupt atmosphere as an allusion to the Bertrams’ financial connection to slavery. Hobbes further established that slightly corrupted air by sparsely furnishing the house. I also found Coulter’s use the Cornish town of Charlestown as a stand-in for the early 19th century Portmouth as very picturesque. And I especially enjoyed his photography, along with Martin Walsh’s editing in the lively sequence featuring the Bertrams’ ball held in Fanny’s honor. On the whole, Coulter’s photography struck me as colorful and imaginative. The only bleak spot in the movie’s production values seemed to be Andrea Galer’s costume designs. There was nothing wrong with them, but I must admit that they failed to capture my imagination. I cannot deny that I found "MANSFIELD PARK" to be enjoyable and interesting. Nor can I deny that Rozema had injected a great deal of energy into Austen’s plot, a bit more than the 1983 miniseries.  Rozema removed several scenes from Austen’s novel. This allowed the movie to convey Austen's story with a running time of 112 minutes. These deleted scenes included the Bertrams and Crawfords’ visit to Mr. Rushworth’s estate, Sotherton; and Fanny’s criticism of Mary Crawford’s caustic remarks about her uncle. I did not miss the Sotherton outing, but I wish Rozema had kept the scene regarding Mary’s uncle, since it did serve to expose Fanny and Edmund’s hypocrisy.  Other improvements that Rozema made – at least in my eyes – were changes in some of the characters. Fanny became a livelier personality and at the same time, managed to remain slightly oppressed by her position at Mansfield Park. Both Edmund and Henry were portrayed in a more complex and attractive light. And Tom Bertram’s portrayal as the family’s voice of moral outrage against their connection to black slavery struck me as very effective. In fact, I had no problem with Rozema’s use of slavery in the story. I am not one of those who believed that she should have toned it down to the same level as Austen had – merely using the topic as an allusion to Fanny’s situation with the Bertrams.  Austen had opened Pandora’s Box by briefly touching upon the topic in her novel in the first place. As far as I am concerned, there was no law that Rozema or any other filmmaker had to allude to the topic in the same manner. However, not all of Rozema’s changes had impressed me. Why was it necessary to have Henry Crawford request that he rent the nearby parsonage, when his half-sister and brother-in-law, the Grants, resided there in the novel? If Rozema had kept the Grants in her adaptation, this would not have happened. Nor did I understand Sir Thomas’ invitation to allow the Crawfords to reside at Mansfield Park, when Henry had his own estate in Norfolk. I suspect that Sir Thomas’ invitation was nothing more than a set up for Fanny to witness Henry making love to Maria Bertram Rushworth in her bedroom. Now, I realize that Henry is supposed to be some hot-to-trot Regency rake with an eye for women. But I simply found it implausible that he would be stupid enough to have illicit sex with his host’s married daughter. And why did Maria spend the night at Mansfield Park, when her husband’s own home, Sotherton, was located in the same neighborhood? And why was Fanny in tears over her little"discovery"? She did not love Henry. Did the sight of two people having sex disturb her? If so, why did she fail to react in a similar manner upon discovering Tom’s drawings of female slaves being raped? Many fans had complained about Fanny’s acceptance of Henry’s marriage proposal during the visit to Portmouth. I did not, for it allowed an opportunity for Fanny’s own hypocrisy to be revealed. After all, she claimed that Henry’s moral compass made her distrustful of him. Yet, upon her rejection of him; Henry exposed her as a liar and hypocrite, claiming the real reason behind her rejection had more to do with her love for Edmund. Unfortunately . . . Rozema seemed determined not to examine Fanny’s exposed hypocrisy and dismissed it with an intimate scene between her and Edmund; the revelation of Henry’s affair with Maria; and Edmund’s rejection of Henry’s sister, Mary Crawford. This last scene regarding Edmund's rejection of Mary revealed how truly heavy-handed Rozema could be as a filmmaker. In Austen’s novel, Edmund had rejected Mary, due to her refusal to condemn Henry for his affair with Maria and her plans to save the Bertrams and Crawfords' social positions with a marriage between Henry and the still married Maria. Mary's plans bore a strong resemblance to Fitzwilliam Darcy's successful efforts to save the Bennet family's reputation following Lydia Bennet's elopement with George Wickham in "Pride and Prejudice". In "MANSFIELD PARK", Edmund rejected Mary after she revealed her plans to save the Bertrams from any scandal caused by the Henry/Maria affair – plans that included the potential demise of a seriously ill Tom. The moment those words anticipating Tom's death poured from Mary’s mouth, I stared at the screen in disbelief. No person with any intelligence would discuss the possible demise of a loved one in front of his family, as if it was a topic in a business meeting. I never got the impression that both the literary and cinematic Mary Crawford would be that stupid. In this scene, I believe that Rozema simply went too far. The director’s last scene featured a montage on the characters’ fates. And what fate awaited the Crawfords? Both ended up with spouses that seemed more interested in each other than with the Crawford siblings. I suppose this was an allusion to some fate that the Crawfords deserved for . . . well, for what? Okay, Henry probably deserved such a fate, due to his affair with Maria. But Mary? I would disagree. Ironically, both Rozema and Austen shared one major problem with their respective versions of the story. Neither the Canadian writer-director nor the British author bothered to develop Fanny and Edmund’s characters that much. In fact, I would say . . . hardly at all. "MANSFIELD PARK" revealed Edmund’s penchant for priggish and hypocritical behavior in scenes that featured his initial protest against his brother’s plans to perform the "Lover’s Vow" play and his final capitulation; his argument against Sir Thomas’ comments about breeding mulattoes (which Fanny expressed approval with a slightly smug smile) and his willingness to accept his family’s dependence on slave labor; and his support of Sir Thomas’ attempts to coerce Fanny into marrying Henry Crawford. The above incidents were also featured in the novel (except for the mulatto breeding discussion). Not once did Fanny criticize Edmund for his hypocritical behavior – not in the movie or in the novel. Instead, both Rozema and Austen allowed Fanny to indulge in her own hypocrisy by turning a blind eye to Edmund’s faults. Worse, she used Henry Crawford’s flaws as an excuse to avoid his courtship of her and later reject him. Henry’s angry reaction to her rejection was the only time (at least in Rozema’s movie) in which Fanny’s hypocrisy was revealed. Yet, not only did Fanny fail to acknowledge Edmund’s flaws, but also her own. For me, the best aspect of "MANSFIELD PARK" proved to be its cast. How Rozema managed to gather such a formidable cast amazes me. Unfortunately, she did not use the entire cast. Two members – Justine Waddell (Julia Bertram) and Hugh Doneville (Mr. Rushworth) certainly seemed wasted. Rozema’s script failed to allow the two actors to express their talent. Waddell’s presence barely made any impact upon the movie. And Doneville seemed nothing more than poorly constructed comic relief. I almost found myself expressing the same belief for actress Lindsay Duncan, despite her portrayal of two of the Ward sisters – Lady Bertram and Mrs. Price. Her Lady Bertram seemed to spend most of the movie sitting around in a drug-induced state from the use of too much laudanum. However, Duncan had one memorable moment as Fanny’s mother, Mrs. Price. In that one scene, she gave emphatic advise to Fanny about Henry Crawford by pointing out the consequences of her decision to marry for love. Victoria Hamilton fared better in her nuanced performance as the spoiled, yet frustrated Maria Bertram. She effectively conveyed how her character was torn between her pragmatic marriage to Mr. Rushworth and her desire for Henry Crawford. Frankly, I believe that Austen gave her an unnecessarily harsh ending. James Purefoy gave an interesting performance as the Bertrams’ elder son and heir, Tom. He expertly walked a fine line in his portrayal of Tom’s disgust toward the family’s involvement in slavery and penchant for a wastrel’s lifestyle. The late actress Sheila Gish gave a slightly humorous, yet sharp performance as Fanny’s other aunt – the tyrannical and venomous Mrs. Norris. I believe that the movie’s best performances came not from the leads, but from three supporting actors – Alessandro Nivola, Embeth Davidtz, and the late playwright-actor Sir Harold Pinter. The literary Henry Crawford had been described as a seductive man that quite enjoyed flirting with or manipulating women. Nivola certainly portrayed that aspect of Henry’s character with great aplomb. But he prevented Henry from becoming a one-note rake by projecting his character’s growing attraction to Fanny and the hurt he felt from her unexpected rejection. Embeth Davidtz gave an equally compelling performance as Henry’s vivacious sister, Mary. She skillfully portrayed Mary’s more endearing traits – humor and sparkling personality – along with her cynical views on authority and talent for cold-blooded practicality. However, not even Davidtz could overcome that ludicrous rip-off from 1988’s "DANGEROUS LIAISONS", in which her Mary briefly stumbled out of the Bertrams’ drawing-room, mimicking Glenn Close, following Edmund’s rejection. It seemed like a flawed ending to a brilliant performance. For me, the film’s best performance came from Sir Harold Pinter. His Sir Thomas Bertram struck me as one of the most complex and multi-layered film portrayals I have ever come across. I find it astounding that this intimidating patriarch, who considered himself to be the family’s bastion of morality, was also responsible for the corruption that reeked at Mansfield Park and within the Bertram family. And Pinter made these conflicting aspects of the character’s personality mesh well together. Rozema added an ironic twist to Sir Thomas’ story. After being shamed by Fanny’s discovery of Tom’s drawings of abused slaves, Sir Thomas sold his Antigua estate and invested his money in tobacco. However, since U.S. states like Virginia, North Carolina and Kentucky were the world’s top producers of tobacco at the time, chances are that the Bertrams’ benefit from slavery continued. I suspect that if actress Frances O’Connor had portrayed the Fanny Price character as originally written by Jane Austen, she would have still given a superb performance. O’Connor certainly gave one in this movie. Despite Rozema’s refusal to openly acknowledge Fanny’s flaws in the script (except by Henry Crawford), the actress still managed to expose them through her performance. Not only did O’Connor did a great job in portraying Fanny’s wit and vivacity, she also revealed the social and emotional minefield that Fanny found at Mansfield Park with some really superb acting. I first became aware of Jonny Lee Miller in the 1996 miniseries, "DEAD MAN’S WALK". I found myself so impressed by his performance that I wondered if he would ever become a star. Sadly, Miller never did in the fourteen years that followed the prequel to 1988’s "LONESOME DOVE". But he has become well-known, due to his performances in movies like "MANSFIELD PARK", "TRAINSPOTTING" and the recent miniseries, "EMMA". In "MANSFIELD PARK", Miller portrayed the younger Bertram son, who also happened to be the object of Fanny Price’s desire. And he did a top-notch job in balancing Edmund’s virtues, his romantic sensibility and his personality flaws that include hypocrisy. I realize that Edmund was not an easy character to portray, but Miller made it all seem seamless. Considering that Austen’s "Mansfield Park" is not a real favorite of mine, I am surprised that I managed to enjoy certain aspects of this adaptation. I will be frank. It is far from perfect. Patricia Rozema made some changes to Austen’s tale that failed to serve the story. Worse, she failed to change other aspects of the novel – changes that could have improved her movie. But there were changes to the story that served the movie well in my eyes. And the movie "MANSFIELD PARK" possessed a first-rate production and a superb cast. More importantly, I cannot deny that flawed or not, Rozema wrote and directed a very energetic movie. For me, it made Austen’s 1814 tale a lot more interesting.

[halfofwhatisayismeaningless]

Terrible Things (Mayday Parade) // Joe Mazzello angst/sad. Song request.

.You know you can request any song with any celebritie crush or just a simple request. SEND THEM TO MY ASK BOX. My tag list is also open. The spanish version is after the english one

I must say, this was really hard to write, I didn’t know how to end up the story, but I liked the result.

Requested: anon. hey there!! i was wondering if you can write a joe mazzello imagine based on terrible things by mayday parade? i’m craving for angst yet kinda fluffy™️ joe right now hehe thank you in advance love<3  

Summary: The (Y/LN)-Mazzello have to fight against a horrible illness.

Words: 2.218.

Warnings: Cancer, and everything that has to do with it.

Another month in that same chair of the hospital. I look around, there are faces that we know, other ones are new, and some, sadly, are gone. But all the faces are sad, what do you expect from the oncology floor of a hospital? This zone is special, the majority of the man, we come accompanied by a woman who are watching his life fall down. I look to my wonderful wife, (Y/N), with her kerchief on the head. Everytime we are here I try to remember when this horrible trip started, when the cancer made a very big place for itself in our lives.

It was a night of november, we were finishing filming, I came home to (Y/N) by herself.

"Where is Joey?"

"I drop him off at my parents house, we need a night by our own." I smiled at her, innocent, expecting a romantic dinner and a nonstop sex night. But that night my life changed completely. "Sit in the couch, I have to show you one thing" she said that very serious. I sat by her side and she took my hands between hers. "Two weeks ago I felt a breast lump, I didn't thought it was something, but I went to the gynecologist just in case. I didn't told you anything so you didn't get worried." I nodded, surprised because she hadn't tell me.

"And when will they give you the results?" I asked, innocently.

"They gave them to me today, Joe. I have breast cancer, stage 2."

Everything stopped, my breath, my heart. The only thing I heard was the wall clock doing "tick-tack", like wanting to say that our time was running. I felt my wife's eyes get wet, I felt my eyes get wet, I touch her ring, in her ring finger. Everything started again, tha pain my father lived for months, now in my wife.

"Sweetie..." I whispered. The tears were running down our cheeks. (Y/N) fell on me with a hug. We shivered together, we cried together, God knows how long. Suddenly we were in our king sized bed, (Y/N) on my chest, making a puddle of tears on my t-shirt. I kissed her forehead, and tried to say something at last. "You will get out of it, and I'll help you. You're a warrior."

"I just want you to know that I love you, you and Joey."

"We know that, my love." We kept crying, I didn't want to imagine life without her. It was too early for that, our son was four years old, we had been married for only six years. I remember taking her hand, her delicate hand, with those nails, always painted with red. I had done that action so many times: the first time we kissed, that night at the cinema; in our wedding; when she was giving birth to Joey. And I was taking her hand while the disease that killed my father, was killing her. "What now?"

"The tumor didn't metastasized, that's good. But it's too big to treat it with only chemotherapy. Firstly they'll give me some chemotherapy sessions to reduce it, they'll operate and then we'll see." (Y/N) looked at my eyes, "I will start in two weeks." I nodded, for then we would have already wrapped so I could be with her as long as she needed. "I'm scared, Joe."

I told her that everything would be fine, but I was scared to death.

Two weeks after that we were together in a hospital room, watching a movie while they injected her the first doses of chemotherapy. We were scared, because we didn't knew how bad would that be on her body, probably really damn bad. And it was really damn bad, the first hours weren't that bad, but she threw up for the first time that night. At the third day she didn't had any force to stand up so she just threw up without warning me. The fifth day started the "clarity", (Y/N) started eating. But she also started to go off the dizziness brought about the fever, so she started realising the situation.

"I wanna see Joey."

"I know, honey, but he can bring here germs from the school and you could get sicker."

(Y/N) just nodded, some tears run off her eyes, but she said she was okay, she didn't want me to get worried.

One of the biggest problems came after the second cycle of chemotherapy, her hair started to fell off. A man losing his hair is tough, but a woman losing hers is terrible. The first time we met (Y/N) had this long brown hair, it was like that until now. When she realised what was going she decided to shaved it. I helped her. I remember her looking herself in the mirror while we did it, the tears didn't stop falling without any noise.

Even so, there were happy moments, when the week session ended, (Y/N) and Joey would meet again, my heart raced the day Joey arrived home after (Y/N) had shaved her head, but he loved it.

"Mommy, you're like the one from Dr. Strange."

"Yes, sweetheart, do you like it?" the kid looked to her mother smiling and whispering "cool".

But when I had to take him to his grandparents house before the chemotherapy it was horrible. Joey always asked about his mother.

"Mom is going to be okay, right, daddy?"

"Of course she will, champ."

"But Scott said the other day that his aunt died of mom's sickness."

"Don't worry, your mother it's a fighter and she is going to get well. I promise."

When I came back to the car, half an hour later, I started to listen to (Y/N)'s playlist, a song I haven't heard before started. I couldn't take off that song of my head for months. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade.

By the time I was your age I'd give anything to fall in love truly

was all I could think

that's when I met your mother

the girl of my dreams

the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen.

She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I can't help but notice you staring at me

I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe

I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."

Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things.

I didn't wanted to keep listening to it, I know where that story was leading, even though, I couldn't stop listening to it. That song wasn't in that playlist before, (Y/N) had put it there some days before.

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink

and we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything.

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

love was a story that couldn't compare.

I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I made you a present with paper and string

open with care now, I'm asking you please

you know that I love you

will you marry me?"

Suddenly, and for the first time since my wife told me she had cancer, I cried like a kid, lonely, driving back home, listening to the story I hoped not live.

Now son I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things

you'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently.

She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

"It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.

Please don't be sad now, I really believe

you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

I parked in front of the house we bought seven years ago and just listened, I didn't want to think that (Y/N) had listened this song in those months, but she had, it wouldn't be there otherwise. I felt three knocks on the window and saw my wike, hairless, making a sign for me to open the door.

"Honey, what happens?" she said worried when I opened the door. I pointed the radio of the car, where the last verse was playing, without saying anything, because of the sobbing.

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees.

So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose

if you're given the choice, I'm begging you choose to walk away, walk away

don't let it get you, I can't bare to see the same happen to you.

Now son, I'm only telling you this, because life can do terrible things.

"Sweetie..." she gave me her hand, helping me to get out, we hugged in the middle of the yard. "I'm sorry, I didn't remember that my Spotify is connected to your car radio."

"Why do you listen to that song?"  I took her cheeks with my hands, crying.

"Because I have to prepare ourselves for everything, Joe. A lot of people die of this and I want to have things that remind me that I have to live to the limit for the time that is left, it doesn't matter if it's a year or forty. This encourage me to fight."

"Then, anything that helps you to fight, it's fine for me."

"I love you"

"I love you more."

"That is not possible, Joey."

Six months went by, chemotherapy cycles continued. (Y/N) was feeling dejected, but she knew that the treatment was like that, and she was encouraged to continue with it. In the seventh month they operated her, it was a simple and short operation, but I was really scared. The postoperative went fine, the bad part was going home, the day that (Y/N) took off the bandage and saw for the first time her operated breast. A long line traveled from where there used to be a nipple to her armpit. She cried in front of the mirror much more time than when she shaved her head.

"I'm so ugly." I had never heard (Y/N) say something so serious.

"Sweetheart, you are not."

"For god's sake, Joe, look at me. I've no hair, I only have one boob. I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a disease that fucked up this last year to you and to Joey."

"(Y/N), I don't want to listen that from you ever, not even as a joke." I made her turn around and look at my eyes. "Look at me, you are the most beautiful, precious, pretty, nice person I've ever met, inside and outside. Obviously this last year wasn't wonderful, it sucked, but it didn't suck because of you. And it doesn't matter that it sucked because we have stick together, we have seen our son grow old, we have seen ourselves grow. And Joey loves you, do you know what he told me the other day when we went out of the hospital?" (Y/N) denied with her head. "That you are his favourite superhero."

(Y/N) started crying again, but of emotion, she whispered: "I love you both". She turned around, facing the mirror. "But you've to admit that I'm not as sexy as I was before."

I approached her, I hugged her from behind and I whispered. "Love, if you only knew how much you turn me on... all your doubts would be over. Let's go to bed and I'll show you."

The operation was fine, but not as successful as we hoped. So they kept giving her chemotherapy.

And here we are now, a year and a half after that night when everything started, we were about to go inside the doctor's office, to do the same, they told us the tumor was still there, the chemotherapy was doing her job, but it was slow. Last night, when we were in bed, reading each one a book, she stared at me, stroked my face and thank me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because when it's three in the morning, I wake up from a nightmare, I think I'm not gonna make it, I'm not going to escape from cancer, that it will have me like this forever, When I want to stop fighting. I just have to turn around, move a little to wake you up, and the first thing you do is smile, that's when I remember why I have to keep fighting. And thank you for taking care of Joey so long and so good. I wouldn't have gotten here if it wasn't for the two of you." I felt my eyes fill up with tears. I answered that we wouldn't live without her, her smile and her fightness.

I observe her for a while while she reads the newspaper on her phone. We had been repeating this doctor appointment for six months, expecting them to say that everything was over that there was no sign of disease in (Y/N)'s breast. And even though we didn't verbalised it we were each time less hopeful and we saw it every time further away.

"(Y/N) (Y/LN)-Mazzello." the nurse says. We go into the doctor's office.

"Good morning (Y/N), good morning Joe." We shake her hand to the doctor that had attended us from the first moment. "Let's see." She takes some informs and scans from the packet that we always had with us. The doctor smiles. "(Y/N), you don't have cancer anymore."

I look to my beautiful wife and whisper "Sweetie.." just as I did when she told me about her illness. Our eyes fill up with tears, and suddenly, we are on each other arms. I won't have to show Joey that horrible song by Mayday Parade. If we show it to him, it would be together, so he knows the terrible things that happen in life.

tag list: @almurg

Otro mes en la misma silla de hospital. Miro a mi alrededor, hay caras que ya conocíamos, otras han aparecido, y otras, desgraciadamente, desaparecieron hace meses. Pero todo son caras tristes, ¿qué se espera de la planta de oncología de un hospital? Esta zona es especial, la mayoría de los hombres venimos acompañados de una mujer que ve su vida caer. Miro a mi maravillosa mujer, (Y/N), con su pañuelo en la cabeza. Siempre que venimos aquí intento recordar cuándo comenzó este horrible viaje, cuándo el cáncer se hizo un hueco demasiado grande en nuestra vida.

Fue una noche de noviembre, yo estaba terminando de rodar, llegué a casa y me encontré a (Y/N) sola.

“¿Dónde está Joey?”

 “Lo he dejado en casa de mis padres, necesitamos una noche a solas.” Yo sonreí, inocente, esperando una cena romántica y una noche de desenfreno. Pero esa noche mi vida cambió por completo. “Siéntate en el sofá, tengo que enseñarte una cosa.” Dijo muy seria. Nos sentamos el uno al lado del otro y me cogió de las manos. “Hace dos semanas me sentí un bulto en el pecho, no pensé que fuera nada, pero por si acaso fui al ginecólogo. No te dije nada porque no quería preocuparte.” Yo asentí, sorprendido porque no me hubiera dicho nada.

 “¿Y cuando te dan los resultados?” pregunté inocentemente.

 “Me los han dado hoy, Joe. Tengo cáncer de mama, en estadio dos.”

Todo se paró, mi respiración, mi corazón. Lo único que podía oír era el reloj de pared haciendo tick-tack, como queriendo decirme que se me acababa el tiempo. Noté los ojos de mi mujer humedecerse, noté los míos humedecerse, toqué su anillo en el dedo anular de su mano derecha. Todo volvía a empezar, el sufrimiento que vivió mi padre durante varios meses, esta vez en mi mujer.

“Cariño…” susurré. Las lágrimas habían comenzado a caer por nuestras mejillas. (Y/N) se tiró encima de mí, en un abrazo. Temblamos juntos, lloramos juntos, quién sabe durante cuánto tiempo. Pero de repente estábamos tumbados en nuestra cama de matrimonio, (Y/N) sobre mi pecho, creando un charco de lágrimas en mi camiseta. Le besé en la frente y conseguí decir algo, por fin. “Saldrás de esta, y yo te ayudaré. Eres una luchadora.”

 “Yo sólo quiero que sepas que te quiero, a ti y a Joey.”

 “Ya lo sabemos, mi vida.” Seguimos llorando un rato más, no quería imaginarme la vida sin ella. Era demasiado pronto como para que pasara esto, nuestro hijo solo tenía cuatro años, llevábamos apenas seis casados. Recuerdo coger su mano, su delicada mano, con esas uñas siempre pintadas de rojo. Había cogido esa mano en tantos momentos, la primera vez que nos besamos, aquella tarde en el cine; en la boda, saliendo de la iglesia; durante el parto de Joey. Y ahora se la daba mientras la enfermedad que mató a mi padre, le mataba a ella. “¿Y ahora qué?”

 “El tumor no ha hecho metástasis, eso es bueno. Pero es demasiado grande como para tratarlo solo con quimioterapia. Primero me van a dar varias sesiones de quimio para reducirlo lo máximo posible, me operarán y luego ya veremos” (Y/N) me miró a los ojos. “Comienzo en dos semanas.” Yo asentí, para ese día ya habríamos cerrado rodaje, podría estar con ella todo el tiempo que fuese suficiente. “Tengo miedo, Joe.”

 Le dije que no tenía por qué, porque todo iba a ir de maravilla, pero la verdad es que yo también tenía mucho miedo.

  Dos semanas después estábamos juntos en una sala de hospital, viendo una peli mientras le inyectaban la primera dosis de quimioterapia. Estábamos asustados, porque no sabíamos cómo le sentaría, pero seguramente mal. Y así fue, las primeras horas no fueron mal, pero esa misma noche (Y/N) vomitó por primera vez. El tercer día ya no tenía ni fuerzas para levantarse de la cama, así que vomitaba sin siquiera avisarme. El quinto día empezó a haber más claridad, (Y/N) empezó a comer un poco. Pero también, al salir de los mareos provocados por la fiebre, se empezó a dar cuenta de la situación.

 “Quiero ver a Joey.”

 “Ya lo se, cariño, pero puede venir con gérmenes del cole, y te podría pegar algo.”

 (Y/N) solo asentía, se escapaban varias lágrimas siempre, pero siempre decía que estaba bien, que no quería preocuparme.

 Uno de los mayores problemas llegó tras el segundo ciclo de quimioterapia, se le empezó a caer el pelo. Que un hombre pierda el pelo era duro, pero que una mujer lo perdiera, era horrible. Cuando nos conocimos (Y/N) tenía el pelo larguísimo, y así había sido hasta ese momento. Cuando se empezó a dar cuenta de lo que estaba sucediendo decidió raparse. Yo le ayudé. Recuerdo como se miraba al espejo mientras lo hacíamos, las lágrimas caían constantemente sin hacer ningún ruido.

 Aun así, había momentos felices, cuando pasaba una semana desde que le daban la sesión, (Y/N) y Joey se rencontraban, mi corazón latía a mil el día que Joey llegó a casa después de que (Y/N) se hubiera rapado. Pero a él le encantó.

 “Mamá, eres como la de Dr. Strange.”

 “Si, cariño, ¿te gusta?” el niño miró a su madre sonriendo y susurrando “mola”.

 Pero cuando tenía que llevarle a casa de sus abuelos antes de la quimio era horrible. Joey siempre preguntaba sobre su madre.

 “Mamá se va a curar ¿a qué si, papá?”

 “Claro que sí, campeón.”

 “Pero Scott dijo el otro día que su tía se murió de la enfermedad de mamá.”

 “No te preocupes, mamá es una luchadora y va a salir de esta. Te lo prometo.”

 Cuando volví a entrar en el coche, media hora después, empezó a sonar en la playlist de (Y/N) una canción que no había oído nunca. Pero que no borraría de mi cabeza. Era “Terrible Things” de Mayday Parade.

 By the time I was your age I'd give anything to fall in love truly

was all I could think

that's when I met your mother

the girl of my dreams

the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen.

She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I can't help but notice you staring at me

I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe

I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."

Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things.

 No quería seguir escuchándola, sabía los derroteros que iba a tomar la canción, y aún asi, no podía parar de escucharla. Esa canción no había estado en esa playlist nunca, la había añadido (Y/N) uno de estos últimos días.

 Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink

and we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything.

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

love was a story that couldn't compare.

I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I made you a present with paper and string

open with care now, I'm asking you please

you know that I love you

will you marry me?"

 De repente, y desde el día que me enteré del cáncer de mi mujer, volví a llorar como un niño, a solas, conduciendo de vuelta a casa, escuchando la historia que esperaba nunca vivir.

 Now son I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things

you'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently.

She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

"It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.

Please don't be sad now, I really believe

you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

 Aparqué delante de la casa que compramos hace siete años y escuché, no quería pensar que (Y/N) había escuchado esta canción en los últimos meses, pero tenía que haberlo hecho, sino no estaría ahí. Noté tres golpes en la ventana y vi a mi mujer, sin pelo, hacer señas para que abriera la puerta.

 “Cariño, ¿qué te pasa?” dijo en tono preocupado cuando abrí. Señalé a la radio del coche, en la que sonaba la última estrofa, sin poder articular palabra a causa del lloro

 Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees.

So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose

if you're given the choice, I'm begging you choose to walk away, walk away

don't let it get you, I can't bare to see the same happen to you.

Now son, I'm only telling you this, because life can do terrible things.

“Cariño…” Me dio la mano para que saliera. Nos abrazamos en el jardín. “Lo siento, no me acordaba que tienes mi Spotify conectado a tu coche.”

 “¿Por qué escuchas esa canción?” cogí sus mejillas con mis manos, todavía llorando.

 “Porque tengo que prepararnos para todo, Joe. Mucha gente muere de esto y quiero tener cosas que me recuerden que tengo que vivir al máximo el tiempo que me quede, sea un año o sean cuarenta. Esto me anima a luchar.”

 “Entonces, cualquier cosa que te anime a luchar, me parece bien”

 “Te quiero.”

 “Yo te quiero más.”

 “Eso es imposible, Joey.”

Pasaron seis meses, los ciclos de quimioterapia continuaron. Dejaban a (Y/N) machacada, pero era lo que había. A los siete meses entró en quirófano, era una operación corta y sencilla, pero yo estaba muy asustado. El postoperatorio fue bien, lo duro fue llegar a casa, el día que (Y/N) se quitó el vendaje y vió por primera vez su pecho operado, una larga línea recorría su torso desde donde antes estaba su pezón hasta su axila. Lloró frente al espejo mucho más tiempo que cuando se rapó.

 “Soy feísima.” Nunca había oído a (Y/N) decir algo de forma tan seria.

 “Cariño, no lo eres.”

“Por el amor de Dios, Joe, mírame. No tengo pelo. No tengo una teta. No soy una mujer, soy una enfermedad que te ha jodido el último año de vida, a ti y a Joey.”

 “(Y/N), no quiero volver a escucharte decir eso. Ni siquiera en broma.” Le di la vuelta e hice que me mirara a los ojos. “Mírame, eres la persona más bonita que he conocido jamás, por dentro y por fuera. Obviamente este año no ha sido maravilloso, ha sido una mierda, pero no ha sido una mierda por tu culpa. Y da igual que haya sido una mierda porque hemos estado juntos los tres, hemos visto a nuestro hijo crecer, nos hemos visto crecer. Y Joey te adora, ¿sabes qué me dijo el otro día cuando salimos de verte del hospital?” (Y/N) negó con la cabeza. “Que eras su super héroe favorito.”

 (Y/N) lloró más, pero esta vez de emoción, susurró: “os quiero” y se dio la vuelta y se miró al espejo otra vez. “Pero tienes que admitir que ya no soy tan sexy como antes.”

 Me acerqué a ella, la abracé desde detrás y le susurré “Cariño, si supieras lo que me pones… Se te quitaban todas las dudas. Vamos a la cama que te lo demuestre.”

  La operación había ido bien, pero no tan bien como esperábamos. Siguieron dándole quimio.

 Y aquí estamos otra vez, un año y medio después de aquella noche en la que comenzó todo, a punto de entrar en una consulta para que nos dijeran que el tumor sigue ahí y que la quimio hacía efecto, pero iba lenta. Anoche, cuando estábamos en la cama, cada uno leyendo su libro me miró fijamente, me tocó la cara, y me dio las gracias.

 “¿Por qué?” respondí yo.

 “Porque cuando son las tres de la mañana y me despierto de una pesadilla, y pienso que nunca voy a escapar del cáncer, que siempre va a tenerme así. Cuando se me quitan las ganas de luchar. Sólo tengo que girarme, moverme un poco para despertarte y lo primero que haces es sonreírme, ahí es cuando recuerdo porqué debo seguir luchando. Y gracias por cuidar tanto y tan bien de Joey este tiempo. No podría haber llegado hasta aquí si no hubiera sido por vosotros dos.” Noté mis ojos llenarse de lágrimas. Respondí que no podíamos vivir sin ella, sin su sonrisa y sin su carácter luchador.

 La observo durante un rato mientras lee el periódico en el móvil. Llevábamos seis meses repitiendo esta consulta, esperando a que nos dijeran que todo había terminado, que no había rastro de enfermedad en el pecho de (Y/N). Y aunque no lo dijéramos, cada vez teníamos menos esperanzas y cada vez lo veíamos más lejos.

 “(Y/N) (Y/LN)” dice la enfermera. Pasamos a la consulta de la doctora.

 “Buenos días (Y/N), buenos días Joe.” Le damos la mando a la amable doctora que nos había atendido desde el primer momento. “Veamos.” Dice sacando unos informes y radiografías del sobre que siempre llevábamos con nosotros. La doctora sonríe. “(Y/N), ya no tienes cáncer.”

 Miro a mi preciosa mujer y susurro “Cariño…” igual que lo había hecho cuando me enteré de la enfermedad de (Y/N). Nuestros ojos se llenan de lágrimas, y de repente, estamos entre los brazos del otro. Ya no tendré que enseñarle a Joey esa horrible canción de Mayday Parade. Si se la enseñamos será juntos, para que sepa las terribles cosas que pasan en la vida.

[lone-wolf-no-more]

Fear is a Heavy Burden...and a great motivator

Thursday, February 9th, 2023

Is the treasure worth it, and to I believe that I have the ability to get it?

Now, there’s no question in my mind that this treasure (aka moving out, getting a car finally, being financially independent) is achievable. I do however, have to keep reminding myself of that.

Leon had a VERY good point today. This is NOT about what we think is achievable with our current skillsets or knowledge. Because goodness, if I told my “past self” that I could achieve 10k a month by the 2 quarter of 2023, I wouldn’t believe it. Belief is the first part of the battle, and the other part it asking yourself the questions that need to be asked?

In my case, “What do I believe is my biggest obstacle, and why do I think that?”

One question I have for myself right now is, “How can I simply let go of the ‘shoulda, woulda, coula’ of the past two years, and just move forward?”

That being said, if I could go back two years, it would most certainly boil down to this question: “What is my biggest obstacle?” The answer would be this: inflammation in my body and indigestion. And then the next question would be, “What is the next small step that needs to happen to fix that?” And I would’ve answered, “Just start by taking a probiotic and an enzyme, don’t try to fix yourself overnight.” Because this is essentially what I am doing right now.

Now, the reason I obsess over this so much is because I always want to know the WHY of things WHY did this lead to this, how could it have been avoided? Versus, “Well, don’t look in the past too much, and just try to forget about it.” I want to know how others can avoid making the same mistakes.

And the second thing I would tell my best self, make that two things:

1. Don’t waste the next day by staying up late trying to solve your whole problem before you go to bed.

2. It’s going to take time to find people who are doing what you want to do, to learn who to trust.

I still feel like that isn’t a satisfactory answer to “What could I have done differently, or better?”

I honestly believe that another answer would be, “practice practice practice before you spend somebody else’s money trying to make money. And even if you think you’re ready, still practice doing it correctly, especially if you’re ill, and don’t have a fallback job!

I think that another thing is, “As soon as you knew that you wanted to only trade Nasdaq, you should’ve looked for genuine, transparent traders who were doing just that.” And honestly, that’s the very step I took that led me to where I am today, in the winner’s circle, so to speak.

Not going to lie, I’ve spun my wheels so so much over the issue of how I could’ve addressed my health issues better. But again, I think that it’s going to be unavoidable for it to take time to figure some things out.

I was trying this and that out to try to detox and rebuild my gut. I think that again, it comes down to knowing, “What’s your biggest hurdle?” In this case, inflammation and indigestion, and then, “What is the next step in addressing that?”

So honestly, changing my diet wasn’t addressing the underlying problem, how my body was unable to properly break food down and repair itself once I ate.

Which ties in to what I was saying before: it’s not worth wasting time bouncing around between health protocols for a long time. If you can, get a personalized assessment of your health, and if you can, get THE BEST version of the “next little step”. For me, I think that would’ve meant, the best enzymes (which not only digest, but “clean house” in your body by getting rid of crap in your bloodstream and joints, and rebuild it), along with a quality probiotic.

But the past is the past, and there is NOTHING I can do about that. The past can hurt, but the question is, am I ready and willing to just forgive myself because I maybe could’ve done better, and move on? Because I am here, in this moment. And in this moment, I have a mission to fulfill, a quest that beckons, a clear goal. And looking backwards indefinitely isn’t going to help me do that.

Time to keep my eye on the map, because in this version of the story, X actually does mark the spot! And in this version, it isn’t going to take me years to find that stinking treasure! Because regardless of where I was before, right NOW, in this very moment, I have tools and shipmates, as it were, that I didn’t have before. So, I have no excuse for not succeeding.

Now, as for today’s disciplines, I followed them well. Diet was the normal, and I avoided caffeine. I also had a fantastic mindfulness session this afternoon.

The only thing is, I’m not really sure where the day went. While I can claim that I tried my best, did I really? I believe that there is the lingering fear in my mind of the possibility of being kicked out of the house soon, so I spent more time on my music apps to distract myself from that thought.

While I did spend a couple of hours this morning on the charts, and a little bit of time configuring a bot, I still think I most certainly could’ve tried...no, not tried, I most certainly could’ve watched more training on trading. If much truly is at stake (and I already know it is, I don’t need to tell myself that!), then I’m going to keep myself immersed in the one next thing I need to do to make things happen.

Once again, this is one of those days that I’m super grateful for that one sibling that lives here, that thinks in a similar manner to me, and who has my back. Take note, treat your family right, because if you don’t, your life will be a lot harder. Not everyone is so fortunate to have that special sibling like I do, and it’s partly due to my crappy past, and reckless decisions I made that they are the only one who talks to me regularly.

I honestly hate talking about this, but why lie to myself that it’s “all their fault?”

Yes, both my sister and I are treated wrongly by this family (especially her, since she’s basically done nothing to offend or hurt them), but all the same, I’ve given them some valid reasons to distrust me.

Alright, enough of the heavy stuff.

Here’s to winning at life. Because there are no bad days (or bad trades), just ones that lost. And at the end of the day, it’s about “failing better”, as Peter Dinklage says.

You’re so close. Don’t give up! Todaloo.

[xx-ingie-xx]

A Summary of All Changes in the Fortitude Revision So Far (Chapters 1-35)

Rather than submit individual posts each time I update the Fortitude revision (aka Epic Edit), I’ve decided to outline all the changes in one continuous summary post, and I will reblog this same post with updates until the revision is complete. 

Every chapter has received a thorough editing to improve style and flow, and many have been almost completely rewritten. This summary outlines changes to the story or characters. Details after the break:

Chapter 1

- Trimmed down and/or improved background info and general descriptions. Some sections have been placed in other chapters for better, more gradual pacing through the background story (I hope – this was very difficult!). - Removed the Council member Lord Pierson, simply because I couldn’t remember his purpose, lol. He seemed redundant to Lord Timothus. - Gave the ministers all last names. - Briefly explained the Alliance and made Impa Hyrule’s representative.

Chapter 2

- Introduced Lady Ariella and made her the Chamberlain, which is basically the castle housekeeper. - Edited more background info - Described the throne room (which is called the Audience Chamber) - Changed the conversation with Zelda’s ladies-in-waiting

Chapter 3

- Edited the conversations between Link and Zelda to sound more natural - Removed scene between Vasilis and the necromancer (too short to be important and no longer fit timeline, removing it also adds to the mystery) - More background info changes

Chapter 4

- Edited the conversation between Link and Zelda - Trimmed down the journey to the rendezvous site - Impa accompanies Zelda at the rendezvous - Improved the conversation between Zelda and Ashton

Chapter 5

- Basically unchanged, just lots of rewording and general polishing

Chapter 6

- Edited the scene between Link and Zelda

Chapter 7

- Placed a section from Ch 8 at the end

Chapter 8

- Added a new section during the journey to the camp - Ian accompanies Zelda (and Adam and two other guards) - I dropped subtle hints regarding Zelda’s pregnancy, so her miscarriage seems less random (and so her loss of magic is consistent throughout the story)

Chapter 9

- Basically unchanged, just lots of rewording and general polishing

Chapter 10

- Gave the Alliance city a name: Antheia - Removed Adam Carlen’s hearing scene – summarized instead (distracts from the main plotline, not important enough for a whole scene) - Impa leaves sooner - goes to Antheia to inform the Alliance of Ashton’s use of dark magic - Ashton does not have his second staff when he storms the castle (this will be important in coming chapters)

Chapter 11

- New scene added with a conversation between Ashton and Vasilis hours after Ashton conquers Hyrule. I felt I needed to set the tone of Ashton settling into Hyrule Castle. I also wanted to explain a few things that were previously left unmentioned. - Zelda’s conversation with Siena has been changed:      - Siena tells her the Hylian soldiers are being kept in a Vandelian prison (I was pretty vague about what happened to them last time, so I changed it to make more sense)      - Zelda does not promise to have Clef released (she doesn’t have that kind of influence this time)      - Siena tells her an awful rumor about Link is spreading, and some people are angry or fearful enough to believe it - middle class and nobles alike.

Chapter 12

- The background story of Link’s narrow escape from death during the Retribution War has been altered to make more sense (realistically Link could not have been delivered to Hyrule Castle on horseback due to his distant location and the seriousness of his injuries). - Zelda does not plead for Clef’s release to Ashton but instead demands to know the awful rumor about Link. Ashton tells her in front of the court, and she pleads with them not to believe his lies. - Ashton also tells her the Alliance came and went while she was ill, they apparently bought his lies and chose to watch him from afar (as Zelda feared they would).

Chapter 13

- Zelda plans to meet with the other tribe leaders of Hyrule and search for the Triforce of Courage. - A section from the old version was removed – when she overheard some grounds people talking about Shade. In reality they would be too afraid to say such things within earshot of the Vandelian guards. This time she hears about him from Siena and at court – which makes more sense anyway. - Zelda does not seek out Shade; he interferes with her attack in the alley by chance.

Chapter 14

- The scene with Ashton and Vasilis has been changed – Vasilis is concerned about the Alliance discovering the second staff and about Link escaping the necromancer’s lair. - Most of the dialog between Link and Zelda has been rewritten and some changes have been made: - Link plans to go rescue the Hylian soldiers. - Link does not tell Zelda to stay at the castle. I realized he absolutely would not send her back to Ashton >.> Face palm moment there. Instead Zelda chooses to stay to keep the Vandelians off his back while he organizes the Resistance. - Zelda convinces Link to take the Ocarina (I realized she would not take no for an answer after everything that’s happened >.>), and he promises to return it.

Chapter 15

- Removed Siena’s third visit - redundant, unnecessary - Removed Great Fairy scene - that was a weak attempt to start the gradual downward spiral Hyrule faces with Ashton on the throne, but in retrospect it felt like random filler - Took one of Zelda’s visions from 16 and placed it at the end

Chapter 16

- Added a little more background info on Link’s and Zelda’s past - Added a small part where Zelda gets the Ocarina back

Chapter 17

- Nabooru talks about the rescue mission Link mentions in 14 - The necromancer’s lair is located in a place called Gerudo Chasm - More Gerudo accompany Zelda and Nabooru to the lair - Zelda finds Link’s wedding ring in the lair

Chapter 18

- Improved the dialogue/interaction between Link and Zelda to feel more natural - Link talks about the first time his scar spread. (There is now a specific trigger/pattern that will become evident in future chapters.) - The book they find in the necromancer’s lair has been changed a bit – it’s now a journal containing an account of the Imprisoning War (the torn page they find still contains the prophesy they can’t read) - Zelda returns Link’s wedding ring - I moved some conversation around to better work with the flow of the chapter

Chapter 19

- Improved the dialogue/interaction between Link and Zelda to feel more natural - Link asks her not to return to the castle, but Zelda is too terrified to do it (for multiple reasons, primarily Link’s safety) - Zelda doesn’t freak out about the necromancer telling Ashton about Link – I figure that would have already occurred to her (it still comes up but differently) - Zelda asks Nabooru to help keep her informed about Link’s scar - Link tells her there may be a second staff

Chapter 20

- Changed some details about the funeral as well as Zelda’s thoughts (some parts felt digressive or repetitive) - Ian is present - Renae and Kinsley speak (though I wrote a bit of dialogue for Kinsley only; the rest is summarized) - This chapter concentrates more on the public and how they react to the funeral. - Zelda’s interaction with Ashton has changed – Alicia is not present (I felt it was too similar to a scene in 12). Her treasonous comments will happen in a later chapter. - Zelda decides to find the staff, not destroy it (since they need it as evidence against Ashton).

Chapters 21 & 22

- Zelda still uses Ashton to get into his bedroom and find the staff. She does find it, but she fails to obtain it. - The necromancer makes another “deal” with Ashton regarding Link. - Link does not reveal himself, and Ashton keeps his survival quiet by locking Zelda in the dungeon. - There is no annulment, since Link is still declared dead. - Heather visits Zelda in the prison (under Ashton’s orders). - Zelda asks Heather to sneak her the Ocarina, which she uses to escape and find Link. - Zelda finds Saria in the Sacred Forest Meadow, and Saria brings her to the Resistance camp for the first time. (Link is not there.)

Chapter 23-25

- Zelda is brought to Goron City after she loses consciousness. There she speaks with Darunia for the first time in the story, so I pulled some text from Ch. 29 and posted it here instead. Darunia tells Zelda where Link is. - Those obnoxious Resistance members that mistreat Zelda in Ch. 23 have been deleted, mainly because I don’t think such amateurs would have direct access to Link. He’s too important. Only people he really trusts would work with him directly (outside the camp), and he would be better protected for the sake of secrecy. - The Resistance hideout in Kakariko Village is in Cleia’s cellar, not Impa’s house. Vandelians have claimed Impa’s house for their own amusements. - Since the annulment hasn’t happened, Link and Zelda’s conversation has been altered (Link is not so cold this time around). Their conversations in Ch. 24 and 25 have also been edited accordingly. - Zelda (willingly) tells Link she’ll stay with him in Ch. 23 but she still ends up surrendering to the Vandelians to create a diversion, so she’s unable to keep her word (for now).

Chapter 26

– Zelda’s visions in the very beginning are new. – Zelda fights back and tries to flee the castle before she passes out – The scene where Maddox treats Heather has been altered to flow better. – One of the biggest changes to the story overall: Zelda does NOT agree to sign the annulment. I was never happy with that part of the story, but at the time I thought Zelda didn’t really have a choice. After all the changes I’ve made, I felt it no longer made sense for Zelda to bend to Ashton’s wishes. To start, she has every intention of leaving the castle as soon as possible, so why break her vows to Link when Kaepora might turn up with the Ocarina at any moment? Second, Ashton has publicly declared Link dead, so he risks Zelda publicizing the annulment if he forces it on her – which would reflect pretty badly on him, since he lied about Link’s death. The last thing he needs is people doubting his word. Zelda knows this, so she uses it to her advantage. Also, Ashton doesn’t want to keep Zelda in a cell. He wants to parade her about and marry her before the entire kingdom – putting her in prison isn’t nearly as fun for him. Zelda knows this as well, so she calls his bluff. This scene is meant to show how Zelda and Ashton are playing a twisted game of sorts, each seeing how far they can push each other. Ashton may have sole rule over Hyrule, but Zelda knows too many of his secrets.

Chapter 27

– No one, not even Heather, knows about Zelda’s pregnancy. Zelda fears that telling anyone would endanger not only the baby, but the person sharing her secret. – Only those two women suspect Zelda’s pregnancy, and Zelda quickly fabricates another explanation. These women represent the fact that not everyone supports Ashton and that some do fear for Zelda. It also shows how increasingly difficult it will be for Zelda to keep her secret, which emphasizes her desperate need for the Ocarina. – The scene where Zelda treats Heather’s wounds has been significantly expanded to build Heather’s character and develop her bond with Zelda. Heather’s and Adam’s background has also been edited slightly – Adam now excels at carpentry instead of cooking (so that will be changed in 29 as well). I felt this change better suited Adam’s character as well as the OoT universe, since there are actually carpenters in Kakariko in OoT. Another bigger change is that Zelda does not tell Heather that Link is alive. – The scene where Ashton presents Zelda’s gown for the engagement gala has been altered. Zelda is still troubled by the gown, but I chose to dwell on it only briefly. Zelda acknowledges her humiliation, but she has much bigger concerns on her mind. Zelda also reacts to Ashton’s advance and instinctively twists his wrist. This demonstrates the growing tension between them – Ashton knows she’s not helpless, and Zelda knows she can’t lash out like that. All she can do is cause as little damage as possible until the Ocarina arrives. – I also moved the engagement gala to the beginning of Ch. 28.

Chapter 28

– The scene where Zelda is dressed for the gala has been removed – it felt utterly pointless in retrospect and didn’t demonstrate any tension that hasn’t already been established. – The gala is significantly altered. Zelda’s brief flashback to her engagement party with Link is has been removed because I didn’t think she would daydream about something like that, given her current circumstances. All she can think about is the present and her immediate concerns. As the night progresses, however, she does start to feel as though she’s been thrust into the past, and it haunts her. During her walk she sees one of Ashton’s lovers (something she dealt with back during their first engagement) and remembers how Link convinced her to defend her own happiness. Ashton then appears to reestablish his control over her. The private “exchange” between Zelda and Ashton shows how unpredictable and possessive Ashton has become, but it also shows that beneath his horrid exterior he is a damaged, misguided person, desperately trying to reclaim the past. – Zelda’s conversation with Alicia is new, but it did replace a similar conversation I removed from an earlier chapter (and gives Zelda reason to later ban Alicia from the court for treasonous behavior). Zelda is also dancing with Ashton when she faints instead of some random lord. – Maddox doesn’t have the chance to figure out that Zelda is pregnant, since her escape is completely changed. I wanted to create a stronger sense of urgency compared to her previous escape. That she left Ashton in the middle of his gala made it all the more satisfying, I think. :D – The scene where Zelda and Heather take refuge in the Temple has been removed because Zelda loses consciousness. I had to cut it for the sake of pacing, but I might reinsert it somewhere else in the story if I see an opportunity. – Zelda’s reunion with Link has been completely rewritten. I felt the chapter flowed better without the scene where Link finds her and Heather in the Sacred Forest Meadow. I wanted to focus on the strong sense of relief shared by Link and Zelda, but I also emphasized the difference between Link and Ashton. This is symbolized in the way Link removes the uncomfortable gown and accessories that Ashton forced Zelda to wear.

Chapter 29

– The first scene with Ashton has been altered to make sense with the changes to Zelda’s escape. He also questions Kinsley instead of Maddox. I wanted to emphasize Ashton’s growing paranoia/irrationality in this scene. I also hinted at his plan to hire Jedrek Khar, so it doesn’t feel so random later on. – Originally there were two scenes between Link and Zelda–one where she wakes in the middle of the night and one where she has breakfast with Link. Those two have been replaced by one new scene taking place in the morning. I don’t remember why I did two in the first place, but it was unnecessary, and I really wanted to improve the conversation/banter between Link and Zelda. – Link is more aware of Zelda’s nervousness about the people of the camp distrusting or even resenting her (as well as her fears about the baby). – When Link and Zelda meet with the other Resistance leaders, Zelda addresses them herself. Having Link speak for her in the original was just dumb. *facepalm* – Link still asks Cleia to come and care for Zelda, but it is (and will be) much more fleshed out. It was so “oh by the way” in the original, which was dumb. – Zelda still promises to stay in the camp, but that scene is completely rewritten, and this time Link takes the Ocarina with him.

Chapters 30 & 31

- Zelda frets more about her reputation - A Resistance fighter from Aboda defies orders and rides to the Resistance camp to tell Zelda about the situation in Aboda, he also begs Zelda to come and help the victims of the Black Sleep, despite the obvious danger - Link and Zelda’s argument is not resolved as it was in the original and they don’t discuss Zelda’s insecurities regarding the baby. That comes in a later chapter. - Link and Zelda do not have active roles in the funeral; that is reserved for the people of Aboda. They are attending simply to pay their respects. - I created more tension when Link urges the people of Aboda to evacuate. They are proud and more reluctant to flee their beloved village.

Chapter 32

- Zelda goes to the Chamber of Sages to summon Ruto, Nabooru, Rauru, and Impa so she can alert them that a cleansing might be Link’s only hope of survival.

Chapter 33

- Zelda takes a much more dominant role in trying to wake Link or treat his wound. This includes climbing Death Mountain (through the crater) to speak with with the Great Fairy.�� - The scene where Cleia assures Zelda her chances of a miscarriage have lessened has been removed. In a situation like this I see Zelda being very single minded and focused solely on saving Link. I removed her conversation with Heather for the same reason. Both scenes felt like digressive fluff that disrupted the flow of the chapter.  - Another major change to improve the poor pacing in this section of the story: Impa does not return at this point. She is still in Tar Alem and possibly in trouble. Because of this, the Black Echo curse is not yet revealed.  - Zelda visits the Great Fairy in the desert like she did in the original, but Nabooru escorts her there. Zelda does not collect a fairy as she did in the original, but the Great Fairy arranges for one to guide her in the Lost Woods. This is an example of taking some artistic license when minor and somewhat cumbersome gameplay details don’t translate well into storytelling. - Darunia, Saria, and Zelda take Link to the fountain (without Impa). - "Cutting the fat” allowed me to move some content from Ch. 34 into this chapter, ending it where Link finally wakes. This improves the pacing and gives me more freedom to focus on Link’s and Zelda’s confrontation/discussion in the next chapter.

Chapter 34

- Link still wakes in the fountain, basically the same scene but without Impa

- Their conversation in the Lost Woods has been altered, but it’s more or less the same concern as before = Link’s safety and well being

- In revising this story I’ve noticed I had a tendency to address too many personal conflicts at once or resolve them too quickly. In the old version of Ch. 34, Link and Zelda talked about a number of things when they were alone in the forest, but this time I wanted a straightforward conversation about one immediate issue = Link taking a less active role in the Resistance until they better understand what the curse is doing to him. The conversation ends before any agreement is made. 

- Clef isn’t the only one to be hanged this time -- Kinsley has also been declared a traitor. Zelda finds out telepathically from Darunia. I felt a need to streamline that last transition in 34, and I figured Darunia would try to inform Link and Zelda asap, since the hanging is at dawn.

Chapter 35

- I really cut back on the scenes leading up to the  execution. The first time I wrote this chapter I felt pressured to explain a believable rescue plan and then have it play out from Ashton’s perspective. In other words I made it more difficult than it had to be. This time I gave just enough information for the reader to trust that there’s a solid plan, but I keep the details a mystery. Ashton’s scene--when the rescue actually happens--is more effective that way. In this case there was too much redundancy in explaining the rescue and then showing it. The reader doesn’t know exactly what happened, but they know enough to trust the Resistance succeeded without being overloaded with details. That was my goal, at least. In short, I think this approach improved the delivery and the pacing of this chapter.

- I added a scene with Vasilis and Ashton. It introduces Jedrek Khar (though he’s not actually in the scene) and highlights the growing tension between Vasilis and Ashton. Vasilis dislikes Ashton, and he fears what Ashton might do next, but he tells himself that everything would work itself out if Zelda returned to the castle. He’s in denial at this point; he can’t face the gravity of his error just yet. 

- One big change is that Link participates in the rescue mission, when in the previous version he stayed behind. He frees Clef and Kinsley from the gallows and in that act he reveals to the public that he is still alive. It’s a brief moment with a big impact.

- Link and Zelda argue about Link doing stupid dangerous things (again). As much as Link regrets what Zelda has endured since Ashton brought him to the necromancer, and as much as he wants to live, he still can’t bring himself to play it safe. 

- Zelda suspects that Link is struggling with some underlying issue -- that the lack of concern for his own safety stems not only from being Hyrule’s Champion but from a subconscious, incessant need to prove his worth.