#big jack horner headcanons

[agent-love-101]

could i perhaps request some jack horner x reader headcanons regarding their size difference? 🥴

>:) ask and you shall receive!!!

Jack Horner x Reader; Size Difference

he most definitely uses it to his advantage.

blocking your way in attempts to bother you, somehow sneaking up on you,

but i can also imagine him sizing you up by comparing you to himself.

like his hands creep onto your shoulders; it almost sends a chill down your spine. his hands practically engulf you.

he could easily overpower you, and he makes sure you know it.

however it does have its perks!

you're especially cute to him.

sometimes he'll brush his hand through your hair, straighten out your clothes, etc.

to him, you're absolutely harmless.

he most definitely sits you on his lap; why waste a seat?

[nevertoomanyspiders]

im soooo shy and im so thankful for the anon option omg...

anyway we need a jack horner animatic to that john mulaney skit... the one where he talks about the kid stealing family photos from peoples houses. "because its the one thing they can never replace :)"

omfg I don't believe I've seen that skit. but, wow, that's definitely a very Jack thing to do.

I just love the idea that Jack gets up to all kinds of really petty acts of cruelty when not doing it on a grand scale.

[animatorrader]

I'd like to think that the Baker's Dozen were all orphans that Jack 'adopted' (free child labor). I don't know how else they'd remain so loyal to him. Goldie is an orphan, Perro is an orphan and the Bakers Dozen are all orphans!

[little-fan-stories]

Like I said in my previous post, i really like Big Jack Horner from Puss in Boots : The last wish.

Like this jerk is my new inspiration.

Like i'm not sure i should but i really want to try to post as much stuff as i can about him.

Also i haven't seen any fanart of him yet so here it is. The first one. If you count character studies as a fanart. Still i'm proud to be first i love that bastard.

[picsani]

Yandere Jack Horner keeping your hair tie in his drawer 💜

Sometimes he plays with it while doing paper work.

You thought you simply lost it but,unknown to you,someone is taking good care of it.

Your little,insignificant hair tie is now his most valuable possession.

Maybe even more than all of his magic artifacts~

[cubroz]

After I drew this headcanon I realized that I have more headcanons but about him being a spoiled rotten mamas boy…. 😬🤭

[strrymko]

Jack Horner headcanons I can’t get out of my head

Honestly I have been obsessed with Jack’s character since I saw Puss in Boots: The Last Wish for the second time. I really want to know more about his upbringing / experiences he had before becoming the head of his pie company. 

Also, I know that Jack relies heavily on his bakers/hireons to do most of the grunt work for him but in several instances he has shown brute strength, precision, flexibility, and wit to get what he wants without them. These are just a few ideas I have had in my head based on his abilities shown throughout the movie.

- Growing up, I assume Jack had lessons in archery / javelin throwing based on his skills with the crossbow and how he threw a spear at Puss and Kitty during the factory escape scene. The dude took time to focus on where he was going to hit before throwing. I really admired the attention to detail the animators / artists had when it came to Jack’s strength and skill.

- I think because Jack was so humiliated by fairytale characters for being a nursery rhyme, he asked his parents to put him in certain sports / self defense classes as back up to stay on top. If he’s denouncing “Little Jack” then he needs to keep up with the appearance of Big Jack. (He may be round in the middle but look at the size of his hands and broad shoulders? He definitely works on his muscles. haha)

- I know some people theorize Jack used magic to make himself appear taller, but I really think puberty hit him hard when he hit his teens, possibly even earlier than usual. It isn’t confirmed the two people standing next to Jack in his flashback are his parents, but I assume Jack is around 8 - 12 here and he appears taller than average for kids his age. 

- Going back to Jack’s upper body strength, I think it’s interesting how the designers for Jack kept his lower body disproportionate to his upper body. His thighs are still thick but below that his legs are rather skinny. I have this head canon that Jack regularly lifts heavy boxes / equipment in the factory because he’s aware his men are nowhere near as strong as him. (Explains the thick thighs and muscular arms.. hehe)

- It has been awhile since I have seen some of the Shrek movies, but I don’t remember any characters who had vibrant colored hair that wasn’t natural. I think Jack is a natural blonde but he dyes his hair lilac to keep up with the pie theme for his business. I also believe he requires his bakers to have some purple theme in their attire aside from their uniforms. Some had purple face paint and one baker even had their hair dyed purple. (And looking back, even one of the unicorns was purple?? I can’t believe I just noticed that! lol) 

- Another headcanon that is common within the Jack Horner community is Jack’s self awareness and the belief that he’s confident despite not being society’s definition of attractive. I really like this one because the only time we really see Jack’s insecurity is when one of the serpent sisters mock his nursery rhyme, back when he was little and dorky. He is referred to as “Big Jack Horner” and keeps up that appearance by killing the people who mock him. (Hence tricking the serpent sister in grabbing the Midas Touch.)

- I found it interesting that Jack didn’t just kill the Ethical Bug after finding out he was useless to him. This makes me believe Jack just kept him around to essentially fuck with him and make him think he could be changed. The smirk Jack made when Ethical Bug recited the symbolism of the phoenix before Jack used her to burn down all the flowers in his way / The next scene where Jack catches Perrito and threatens to shoot him with a unicorn horn w/o remorse / and finally when Jack dramatically expresses his life woes (being a privileged kid with loving parents, stability, and significant inheritance growing up) and then finally getting fed up hearing ethical bug try and change his heart after he let the remainder of his men fall to their deaths. I found this aspect of Jack hilarious only because he drug out the act for so long just to prove a point. 

- Last hc I’ll add on this post for now; I know a lot of people wanted to see what the map path would look like if Jack had his hands on it before reaching the wishing star. (me included) I think this was purposefully avoided because of how fucked up Jack is, and the path to the star would be even more difficult than Puss or Kitty’s paths. The star is clearly a sentient being and knows who has pure intentions, so if Jack obtained the map early on in the dark forest I think he would have figured out who to place the map with and just follow them to the star for the easiest route possible.

(also, this is more of a Goldi hc; but I think the star felt Goldi’s pain and only messed up the path to try and make her realize she had a perfect family all along. This scene made me realize why Jack probably wasn’t meant to hold the map at all within the forest because.. well he’s the most morally fucked up out of the three groups. haha)

I have a lot more hcs for Jack but I think this is enough for now. If y’all have any hcs you should add to this post or link them to me! I really love seeing everyone analyze Jack in their own ways. He’s such a cool character and I’m keeping my fingers crossed he appears in future Puss in Boots features.. hehe

I’m not the best writer so I hope all of this made sense! tysm for reading this far :)

[jaxieus]

You think Jack ever broke his nose?

[madamerebloger]

horner says MWAH when he kisses

(Okay first one!!)

Oh definitely LOLLLL he definitely over-exaggerates the "MWAH"

It can get messy, sloppy, passionate and he'll say the "MWAH"

Perfecto

[purplethumb]

Jack in hot weather. Don’t laugh at his shirt or else you get punched probably.

[agent-love-101]

mayhaps some jack horner headcanons about cuddling or other kinds of soft loving touches? 🥺

oh so cute!!! 🥺 lets see what i can do!!

Jack Horner x Reader; Physical Affection

i think he likes to be big spoon (this works especially well with my headcanon that he sometimes cuddles a decorative pillow to get himself to sleep faster)

however there will come moments where he doesn't mind if you cuddle his side as he lays on his back, or you both cuddle each other, facing each other.

if you're neurodivergent and/or just enjoy pressure on you, i can imagine he will just. lay his arm across your torso. its not UNBEARABLY heavy, just that perfect amount of pressure... <3

i think he like to caress you with his thumbs. your face, your hands, etc.

(this headcanon is from @madamerebloger !!) he over exaggerates the "mwah!" when he kisses you. i think that headcanon is so cute i had to add it here!!

i think he kisses in more uncommon places. like your shoulders, your collarbone, your wrists, and your knuckles.

he'll hold your face easily with one hand whereas you have to hold his with two. its so soft but i always imagine it being kind of cold? i think thats just because of how Rosey his cheeks are, so i'm fine if you think its warm too, i'm not picky when it comes to that stuff <3

he likes when you hug his side, under neath his long coat. makes you two feel closer.

if he has had an AWFUL day, he may either want to sit you in his lap and hug you firmly (a good kind of firmness!!)...

or lay his head in your lap as you caress his face, and pet his hair, listening to him rant (warning he will spring up in anger every now and then if he's telling a story.)

[nevertoomanyspiders]

Just thought of a scenario for why Jack's clothes are so, shall we say, ill-fitting. Workers at his factory, having a banter...

"Say, what happened to his last tailor, anyway?"

"Haven't you heard? He had an accident where he fell onto his fabric scissors."

"Oh."

"Repeatedly."

"Ohhh...."

[inkplotkey]

Headcanon that Big Jack Horner sings and even dances to some songs secretly in his office.

[cannedbabs]

how’d you think jack would be havin a business rival? enemys to lovers (except they still hate eachother very much, and are still DEFINITELY enemy’s) kinda vibe

Cracks knuckles I LOVE MAKING JACK A COMPLETE ASSHOLE SO LETS GO!!! (Using ‘you’ as the business rival!!)

•Honestly depends on the business, but if it’s food/baked goods related he’d be even more hasty to be just rude for no reason. Like always an outdo you sort of deal? “My cinnamon bread reached all high sales this week-“ “And you sell those internationally? Hmm??” “Not yet, but I’m almost-“ “Hmph. Thought so. I couldn’t imagine being such a small company!” And ensue your rage

• It would very much be like.. a romance only coming from the adrenaline of it all. Like 2% lovers in this situation. I can imagine you leaning over his desk and getting so fed up with fighting that you grab onto his tie and pull him close and threaten him but it flabbergasts him so much that he’s stunned into silence (for once). Maybe smooches optionally that’s all tongue and teeth and venom

•He would SOOO copy whatever creation you made. Your making like cookies for a holiday special? Oh, suddenly Jack’s company is too (or just altering said special for pies since it’s a.. pie company). And he always does better in you in sales, that’s a given. His factory allows for MASS production of stuff so you can’t do much about it (but personal reviews typically always say yours taste better 😘)

•Jack, knocking over a pie when your visiting. “Look at the mess you’re making! I’ll have to charge you for that. 😇” or alternatively he purposefully spills it on your clothes (either completely smashing it to your chest or something similar) and just shrugs as if it was no big deal. Maybe alterior NSFW moment of “Hm. May have something to clean that with in my office” wink wink.

• VAGUE NSFW but,, can’t describe it better than hate fucking. That’s about it, no lovey stuff. Probably not even many kisses, or if it’s tried he would definitely turn his head and scoff at you. Occasionally he may give in but 🤷‍♀️

•It’s sort of implied romance one day and the next it’s back to him sabotaging you somehow. He definitely would’ve asked one of his workers to go into your shop while you two were “talking business cough cough” and just dump ingredients on the floor and steal. This man is a CRIME LORD, he’s wanted for a reason 😭

That is definitely a lot of the thoughts I have, idk how to rly end this but I hope this is what you were hoping/looking for!! And I hope it suffices 🥺❤️❤️ I can always make these longer if y’all want!

[little-fan-stories]

‘Big’ Jack Horner relationship headcanons

Okay first...thanks everyone for all the support! More people like my work, more i want to post it

Also i've seen people posting some NSFW stuff for our pie boy so i can't wait to post some (a lot of) content

And i hope the NSFW part of those headcanons is not too "crude"...must admit i got a little carried away

SFW

He can be way sweeter than people think, at least with his S/O

He doesn't become attached easily at all, that's why his S/O is the most important person to him (with himself of course)

Which means he'll spend his time offering them everything they want

Of course gifts is one of his love language

His S/O would become really precious to him which would cause some problems at the start of your relationship

At first, because he doesn't really know how to handle a relationship, he sort of treat you like an object of his collection

In a way it's flattering because he likes to show you off and you're so precious to him

But you feel treated literally like an object

With time he'll learn what a relationship really mean and that you don't "belong" to him

But you still stay precious to him and if someone try to hurt you he would go mad about it

Like definitely trying to send someone kill this person or wanting to kill them himself (if this person hurted you a lot)

Calls you sweetpie

If you're petite (like smaller than him which is not hard) he would call you his little bird

(NSFW part below)

NSFW

He's a naughty boy

Like vanilla isn't really his thing

He's used to wild one-nights stands

However hope you like BDSM because he's into it

Like pulling hair is his big thing

But he can try to be more romantic and vanilla in bed for you (especially your first times together)

He basically is a switch but is used to act as a dom with his partners (his big ego don't permit him to be a sub with them)

But with his S/O he would want to try to be the sub

And he enjoy it a lot

Only time he like to be called "good boy"

Loud and dirty talking all the way

Like he never shut up

Also he is a sadistic

He love when his partners beg him

Fingering...you know it

Would definitely make you come easily with his big fingers

Also like to use his tongue

Not really a pleaser, just love to see you being a mess because of him

Alsoooo...would you like some Jack x reader sketches?

[picsani]

Headcanon:

Jack Horner 0nlyfans page is just high quality close ups of his thumb stuck in pies.