#big fan of all 3. i really like how distant it is in classic

[dankovskys-beetle-collection]

Pathologic Classic HD / Pathologic 2 / Pathologic 3

[softchassis]

Re-breaking the Tumblr Ice with a "25 Games To Know Me" post!

Reasons why each game is important to me are under the cut.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 -- I love Sonic in general. I think across the entire history of the franchise I can only really point to two games I dislike, or three if I'm feeling particularly uncharitable. But Sonic 2 was the first game I ever saw at a store and said "I want that one". As for how I feel about Sonic 2 itself, it's actually not my favorite Sonic game or even my favorite classic Sonic game--those distinctions go to Sonic Unleashed and Sonic CD--but without Sonic 2, I may never have given the blue hog a chance.

Spark The Electric Jester 3 -- The most recent game on this list certainly but it deserves to be there. It's so confident and unashamed of what it is. It *knows* it's a Sonic fan game underneath its yellow blorbo skin, but it never winks at the audience about it. You just get to do some really incredible, high speed 3D platforming and mix in some DMC-lite combos in there too. It's good, it's fun, it's sincere, it's beautiful. All the Spark games are.

Cave Story -- Before Cave Story I only had a vague idea of the concept of "single person makes game all by themself". I'd certainly played plenty before, from the Shareware era on DOS and Windows 95, but Cave Story made it feel approachable. Plus, on its own, it's just a great little game.

La Mulana -- Cave Story and La Mulana share the same space in my brain. It may be a little weird to say this, but I typically don't enjoy 2D Metroidvanias. The only ones I've beaten are Super Metroid and most recently Nine Sols. But something about La Mulana just tickles me. It feels like the entire map is one big Rubik's Cube I'm beating my head against, which is more satisfying to me than "I found the thing that lets me do the thing I couldn't do earlier."

DOOM (2016) -- I love the entire Doom franchise but DOOM 2016 is my favorite standalone experience. Otherwise I have played untold hours of classic Doom mods, my favorites being Reelism, Demonsteele, and Doom Infinite.

Sekiro -- A really great experience all around. I enjoy Dark Souls and appreciate its storytelling, but most everything in Dark Souls feels too distant for me to appreciate, whereas in Sekiro, the history both is recent and ongoing, and the Shinto and Buddhist mythology informs the story in real time. And It's just so fun to actually play. You never forget your first Lady Butterfly.

Dynamite Headdy -- Most everyone loves Treasure but to me no game is more Treasure than this one.

Moon: Remix RPG Adventure -- One of the earliest plays on the RPG genre. A typical RPG hero is going around slaying monsters to level up, but that person isn't you. Instead, you go around reuniting the souls of slain monsters to revive them, and learn a lot about the heartfelt and unique world they once inhabited. A really beautiful and important game.

Worms Armageddon -- Still the best 1999

Avernum: Escape From The Pit -- A remake of Spiderweb Software's first game in the "Exile" series. Avernum tells a great fantasy story about an underground cave society, where undesirables are exiled by the empire who scorns them. Instead of laying down and dying in the caves, its new residents name it Avernum and create their own society... and they don't intend to take their punishment laying down. A really fun and atmospheric CRPG with great, Vonnegut-esque writing and a lot of heart.

Legacy Of Kain: Soul Reaver -- I played this one pretty recently and was shocked at how forward thinking it was for 1999. I played the entire Legacy of Kain series back to back, but Soul Reaver stuck out to me as the best one. If you can't tell by some of the other games on this list, I adore games that feel lonely and isolating but still have a distinct goal and stakes. Soul Reaver is incredible and finally contextualized just why I saw Raziel all over Playstation magazines as a kid--it's because he's fucking cool!

Marathon Infinity -- play the entire marathon series right now stop reading this

Lemmings -- Huh. What's that doing here

Pikmin -- The first Pikmin is the best one in my opinion. I love the time limit, I love the simplicity of the scope compared to the rest of the series, it's a fun game to just pop in once in a while and just blitz through. I also just love microworld settings. And the creature design! And the puzzle design! Ohh Pikmin there's nothing like you.

Klonoa: The Door To Phantomile -- I have a lot of fond memories of this one, but specifically of playing the demo over and over on a Playstation Magazine demo disc with my sister. I wouldn't actually play the full game until much later, on an emulator. I did later rent Klonoa 2 and finish it before that though. Klonoa is good.

Rayman -- I love this game. I love how fucking mean it is while looking so bright and poppy and silly. I first played it when I was like 8 years old and it was a really humbling, eye-opening experience. But jokes aside it's just a really good game. But yeah, it's hard. If you've never played it before and don't want to tear your hair out, you should play Rayman Redemption, a fan remake of it that makes it a bit more approachable. If you ask me though, you should try the original first.

Ecco: The Tides of Time -- I also played this one when I was really young and it was also a humbling, eye-opening experience. I just liked dolphins, I wasn't expecting to have rented the hardest game in the entire fucking store. Having revisited the Ecco series many times since then, though, I think Tides of Time is the best one. It's just gorgeous and both versions of the soundtrack are amazing. I prefer the CD one though, except for Moray Abyss and Tubes of Medusa.

Splatterhouse -- Kids love horror and kids love forbidden things, so when I saw a Splatterhouse ROM on a romsite as a kid and was immediately told I wasn't allowed to download it, of course I fucking did when no one was looking. And my brain was altered forever

Earthbound -- I very briefly had a stepbrother who had a SNES and Earthbound and I wasn't able to play it myself (no open save slots) so I just watched, but I was fascinated by it. I would eventually play it myself later on good ol ZSNES. I have nice warm memories of watching the snow on the ZSNES menu while it snowed gently outside, in between bouts of playing Earthbound and Yoshi's Island.

Yakuza -- Okay the PS2 boxart is here as a stand in, I love the entire Yakuza series dearly. I did own Yakuza and Yakuza 2 when they were new, but lost them when our PS2 and all of its games got stolen.

Sonic Robo Blast 2 -- Another Sonic game? But this one's special. I've been playing SRB2 for over half of my life at this point. I've played countless mods for it and have watched it grow from a basic little Doom platformer into a great platform for expression. It's also just fun.

Bomberman 64 -- The 3D bomb-stacking and bouncing stuff in this game is so cool and is the exact kind of finicky, almost-accidental-seeming mechanical depth I love in video games. I can't believe they only made one of these.

Psychonauts -- Kind of a stand-in for Double Fine and LucasArts in general, but definitely the best game still out of both companies. I love 3D platformers and I love what this game does. There's still not much out there like it.

Rayman 2 -- Another Rayman game? Well yeah, I can't say I love 3D platformers and just not put the best 3D platformer ever made on this list. Not an exaggeration!

Final Fantasy XIV -- I get to play as a hot lion woman now. Have you seen her? Well, now you have

[its-to-the-death]

Bracket E thoughts:

"Brand New Day" and "Alive" are both very good, but I'm a sucker for Anthony Warlow's Hyde. He just sounds so happy to unleash his inner evil! :)

"Philistine" fucking slaps, and as much as I love "Snuff Out the Light," I want to make everyone appreciate this rockin' number as much as I do. She spends the entire song ripping Travis apart, pointing out how his vengeance doesn't make him noble, his anger doesn't make him cool, and he's a pervy otaku. She rhymes aeternum with sternum. Having listened to both versions, I think the English version is better in the vocals because they're clearer, but the Japanese version has a kickass climax at 3:15.

I'm a perpetual fan of GLaDOS' songs, and I really enjoy the thinly veiled spite in "Still Alive."

"Mean Green Mother From Outer Space" is a fun song, but I am a self-admitted sucker for Joey Richter being a hammy villain in "Wagon on Fire".

Further research has indicated "Grand Ceremony" is indicative of the pompousness and fakeness of Manley, who is universally regarded as a prick. I don't know this game, but I can definitely get that vibe from this one.

"In the Dark of the Night" is always a classic, but I voted for "A Million Gruesome Ways to Die" because it's hilarious to me that Barnaby is threatening to kill the player in all sorts of gruesome ways the same way you'd offer a bunch of options to a really picky customer at a restaurant. He's just trying to be helpful, he's so enthusiastic about it!

Dawn M Bennett my beloved makes this modern-day hypocritical dirty cowgirl seem unironically cool every time she sings. Also the Banzai Blasters apparently just fucking shot her parents to death which is some fucking whiplash from "Great at Crime," to say the least. Anyway go listen to Zora's surprise musical backstory.

This might just be because I'm not an Ace Attorney fan, but I didn't really get a lot out of Distant Traces of Beauty" in terms of villainy? Like from what I've read it makes sense in context but it just doesn't give me the villain vibes I was hoping for. Also I have to give points to "I'm a Professional" for being made up entirely on the spot.

SO PREPARE FOR THE COUP OF THE CENTURY! BE PREPARED FOR THE MURKIEST SCAM--

Holy shit that's Captain Marvel's actress? How and why the fuck is she rocking that song so well??? Anyway vote for "Black Sheep," a.k.a the much-needed "fuck you Scott" song.

Ok I submitted "Grandpa's Going to Sue the Pants Off of Santa," but...it's not a good song. It's really not. And even without knowing Les Mis that well, Alun Armstrong is doing such a good job of getting across who Thénardier is by being such a delightful scumbag.

I already can tell "Slipping" is going to win, which is fair, but I needed to vote for "What You Feel" because it is a bop.

As several people have pointed out, "That's Not How the Story Goes" is not really a villain song so much as a song lamenting the horror of the world they live in which happens to feature Count Olaf. Since the villain is listed as Olaf and not The Narrative Itself, I voted for "The Whole Being Dead Thing," which is also a very good song in a completely opposite direction from its opponent.

Holy fuck, why is "Where There's A Whip, There's A Way" so good. Why do the orcs harmonize so well. What the shit.

Have I mentioned that I love Queen Latifah's singing? Because I love her singing. She is having so much fun here.

"Open Up Your Eyes" is a pretty good villain song in an unfortunately mediocre movie that tells me a lot about who the villain is and why she villains, while "You Will Remember" veered kind of too hard into generic rock song territory. Like, I know it's supposed to be an allusion to Ember's backstory, but that backstory wasn't even in the show itself...

Oh yeah and also the person who uploaded that video apparently committed a shooting, which isn't relevant to this bracket, but was a big surprise when I scrolled down to the comments.

Some good opinions 👍

[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

------------------------------------------------

Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

“I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[mirrorforevers]

here, there, and everywhere • graham coxon/reader

this fic is based on two prompts y'all sent me:

and

this fic really tested all of my blur knowledge holy Fuck. blur as talking heads au i guess. how cool would it be if they

1. had a girl bassist instead of the cheese tory dude

2. werent as unhappy as they were in the mid 90s (just a bit)

3. were just a little 🤏🏻 bit more female friendly lets just pretend this is a universe where the blurjob passes didnt exist heh

it took me everything i had to make this sound as realistic as it could be. u know these girls who think they could fix patrick bateman or don draper? perhaps y’all could fix blur

consider this a gift n not only me writing for your prompt, @nottuned! thank u so much for all your support n encouragement n for always bein so sweet 🥺 i hope u enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

let’s see how many references to unfortunate britpop moments y’all can find in this

also i hope i captured the silliness of the gossip and drama in that era well. if you enjoyed it, please leave an ask telling me more! ur feedback is rly important to me 😔✊🏻

tw (?) reader has shitty parents

word count: 7.938 (this one's quite long!)

smut. set in the 90s. au.

You were unlocking your door when you heard your house phone ring. The shrill sound echoed through the empty corridors as you hurriedly unwrapped your scarf, tossing your keys and backpack on nearby furniture as you ran to answer the call.

“Hello?” You answer, panting.

“Y/N?”

“Dave?” You smile, that call was a very welcome surprise. Your friend owed you an answer.

-

A few weeks ago, Dave Rowntree, your music classmate who became a close friend, told you that he had teamed up with two other proficient musicians to form a band. Dave was ecstatic, and every day he had new stories about his new friends to tell you between breakfasts and lunches that you shared between the countless hours of rehearsals. Even though you weren't part of the group, you already felt that you knew Damon and Graham like the back of your hand. Yin and Yang. One was expansive, ambitious, vain, impulsive. The other, shy, introspective, anxious and careful.

Damon Albarn wanted to be an actor, Graham Coxon had a firm foot in the visual arts. One was a fan of grand classical compositions, the other was a Beatles fan. They had been friends since they were children, in a seemingly unbreakable bond. Damon dropped out of his theater class not only because out of a sudden he had found a bigger calling in music instead of acting, but also because he couldn't stand being away from his best friend for so long. You found yourself often imagining their faces and voices while trying to make all of the wild and endearingly funny stories Dave told you more tangible in your head.

It was not long before Dave started dropping little hints that they needed someone else for their project. “It’s not that Graham isn’t good at bass,” he’d say, “but we could do better.” It wasn't at the top of your plans to be part of a band right now, especially as you were preparing intensely to join the Royal Academy of Music, and he knew it. When you mentioned the conversations you had with Dave about the boys on your family dinner, in quiet wonder and timid want of being part of something really exciting, your parents wrinkled their noses. Focus on the greater things, they’d say. Don’t let these boys distract you from your goal.

Our goal, they meant to say. Since you were born, you never knew if the things you wanted were really your will or theirs.

But anyway.

That dynamic went on for a while, until the day Dave invited you to audition for them while you shared a Diet Coke in the tube home.

“Will it take too much of my time?” You asked, coyly.

“Bold of you to assume we’ll let you in that quickly.” He chuckles, amused by your confidence. You playfully elbow him in return. He knew how good you were at what you did, though, and there’s lightness in his tone when he continues, “But no, unless you let it. You’ll probably have to stand up to Damon every once in a while.” He sips the drink, handing it over to you.

“What about Graham? How much is he determined to make it big?”

“Damon’s the one who wants it the most. Graham’s studying Fine Arts at Goldsmiths, so. There’s still cautiousness in him.”

“Huh. Okay then.” You reply, thoughts running wild. “Do we have a time and date?”

“Is tomorrow ok to you?”

“Sure. After our class?”

“Perfect.” The train reaches his station. He ruffles your hair: “See you tomorrow then.”

“See you.”

You don’t tell anything about it to your parents, you just warn them that you’ll arrive a bit later than usual. Dave’s intel was crucial to your choice of songs: knowing Graham was the beatlemaniac and also the rational brake to Damon’s tireless ambition, you knew who to please and have as an ally, so you build an innovative and fresh mashup of Paul McCartney’s greatest basslines to play for them. Of course it could backfire, but you didn’t care. You had a hell of a good ear anyway and if Damon wanted you to play anything out of the blue, you would improvise beautifully over it.

The day comes. You didn’t know why you were that nervous for an amateur audition. You weren’t even sure if it was the right path to follow, given that, depending on how focused Damon really was and how contagious his aspiration was, being part of a band could really take you out of your predestinated course. The reason why you were so nervous, now thinking a little more about it, may be because deep inside, you want your path to be a little less predictable. You didn’t want to fill your heart with hopes that you might make it big and travel all over the world because you didn’t even know them. But… what if it clicks? You knew some people in the scene whose work was getting seriously recognized out there.

Meeting them for the first time was an enigmatic experience. Damon was incredibly brash and cocky - not the first theater kid you’ve met in your life. Graham was way more approachable, though also a bit conceited when pushed just right. You wondered if you’d fit in that boys’ club, and decided you wouldn’t be an easy target for discredit or any kind of shit they might give you. “Took me a while to fully get their trust. You’ll do just fine”, Dave said, out of their earshot.

That gave you more fuel to play amazingly well. Damon definitely wasn’t one to be impressed quickly, but he was, when you finished your set. So was Graham - Graham was starry eyed with your performance, actually. Albarn showed you a song and asked you if you could improvise to it, just as you imagined. Of course you could, on the first play. You even suggested some adjustments to its structure. Your feedback was welcomed and noted.

-

Even though everything went surprisingly well, you still weren't sure if you would be a member of “Seymour”, as they called themselves. (You knew it wasn’t the best name, but you didn’t have a better suggestion at the time so you’ve kept your opinion to yourself.) Graham became eerily quiet out of a sudden and wouldn’t cross eyes with you the entire time you were there. Damon, well, was Damon. Perhaps he thought you were too ordinary and mainstream for deciding to play Beatles when he’s trying to be the new avant-garde Jesus.

But Dave's news was different than you expected. “They really, really enjoyed your audition. As I thought they would.” You can hear the smile in his voice. "When can you rehearse with us?"

-

Months after, on your first gig as a fully formed and integrated band, Damon was hit in the face by a guy twice his size, Graham vomited onstage and you and Dave had to take care of both. A beautiful way to close the already exquisite day you had, after you fought with your parents, got kicked out of your childhood home and gave up on entering the Royal Academy of Music two days after you received your acceptance letter featuring rave reviews of your entrance exam.

Dealing with these boys - no, grown-ass men - was hard, but not completely unpleasant. If it were totally unpleasant, you wouldn’t give up on your entire life to embark on such an adventure.

You - plural you - were so gifted and Damon’s compositions were so good. You could see that artsy pretentious mess of an act going somewhere. Of course, you were a bit lost in your life, but so were they, as you ran from city to city meeting new people and trying new things in your journey to fame.

Loneliness, once a close friend, became a distant acquaintance. One you didn’t know anymore.

You confess you were getting worried, though, with how much money you had left on your savings and how much you were spending lately now that your parents weren’t an active part of your life. Wanting to eat something you cannot dream of buying without that money being really useful in a much more critical situation, not having nearly enough money to replace something important that broke or got torn off was frustrating. Some basic things became luxuries out of a sudden.

One day in particular, you very briefly mentioned that you were dying to eat a slice of chocolate cake, but your voice was so small and everyone was so immersed in their duties you thought no one gave two shits to what you said. Two days later, Graham arrived late at rehearsal with a small chocolate cake in his hands, handing it over to you like it was a completely ordinary act. Nothing in the way he acted told you he expected a reward, it was so natural and… gentle. You knew no one in your band could buy a chocolate cake without it being apocalyptic to their personal finances during that time.

That day, you were assured by fate that feeling lost together was better than feeling guided alone.

-

The band finally got on track - strictly musically speaking. Personally speaking, many contemporaries who followed you at parties and other events described you as an ever-growing odd, annoying and intermittently disarming bunch - and Blur and its members became household names, at least in the UK. It became harder and harder everyday to impose yourself as an entire industry and its target public aimed to tear you down. Men couldn’t understand.

(Graham Coxon was the one who tried the hardest to.)

It was four in the morning. You’ve got used to following your bandmates to hospitals, running away from trouble or knowing when to relish in it. But it was the first time you offered yourself to clean up dried blood from one’s face, given how much you hated seeing the fluid and even fainted when younger whenever exposed to it.

You, so delicately, wipe the saline solution-soaked cotton across Graham’s face, who flinches at the cold sensation on his still sensitive skin. He stares at you with the eyes of a child, and you couldn’t help but give him a slight, warm smile in return, which he retributes. Your face conveyed gratitude and affection towards the one you were taking care of. Your hands still struggled to stay completely still after the surge of adrenaline your body received a few hours ago.

Being the only girl in a massive band, and one the music magazines and mainstream media loved sexualizing, meant having paparazzis in your window in odd hours (not that that’s acceptable in any hour, but you had to lower your standards even more these days), meant having different photographers trying to pressure you to get into all kinds of uncomfortable angles with skimpy-ass dresses and just count on the intervention of your fellow bandmates so they would stop, also having invasive male fans who would try to harass you in any way they could.

Of course the day where one of your bandmates would get into a fist fight with one of these men inserted into these categories would come. And even though they were all protective of you, each in their own peculiar, increasingly contradictory way, Graham’s dedication to it was sometimes commendable.

You were making your way through a small corridor of people on your way to the stage when a random guy cupped one of your breasts. It’s not like the venue was incredibly tight, it could not have been on accident and it made your blood boil. You turned around to scream at him, and Graham, who was just behind you, threw a punch directly towards the man’s face, without thinking twice.

And oh boy, took a lot of people and a sweet amount of time to separate the two after that.

After all was said and done, Graham had a few scratches, a black eye and a cut brow. He kept dodging your many “sorrys”, “you didn’t have to do this” and other expressions of guilt. “You have nothing to be sorry about, he deserved it”, he kept assuring you, like a mantra, just giving in to your pleas when you supplicated to take care of his wounds during intermission and after the show.

“I get why you did what you did, Gra. I hate that you took such a risk because of me, but I understand.” you say, voice cracking from not using it for a while after spending some good minutes in complete silence taking care of him. “However,” you soak another cotton ball in the saline solution a roadie got you, punctuating the word with a squeeze to the cotton to remove excess liquid. “I was worried sick about you. What if he… had a knife or something? You could’ve got seriously injured. Or killed.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly able to have a good fight,” after wincing from the contact of the cold wet cotton with his dried blood, he purses his lips in a forced, shy smile, trying to light up the mood. He notices your hands are still shaking from the adrenaline, and takes one of them in his bigger ones, trying to calm you down. The fact that he did this for you, coupled with the fear and how tired you felt of having to go through that kind of situation once again, made you cry-laugh from how overwhelmed you felt.

His expression changes to one of pure compassion in an instant. “Hey, don’t--oh my,” he gets up from his chair to embrace you as you pour your frustrations through fat tears running down his shoulder.

“It’s so exhausting,” you mumble, through sobs. “Now I’m putting you in danger too. I feel like I did and I’m still doing everything wrong. I should be the one giving you a shoulder to cry on.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong! Anything at all, I promise you,” he says, tenderly, running his hands through your hair, still holding you tight. “It was his fault! I decided it was the right thing to do. You’re worth the risk. What people have been putting you through is unacceptable.”

“I’m not worth the risk!” You break apart from his arms, trying to get your point across. “What would I do without you if someone killed you? You need to be more careful!”

The silence hangs heavy between you two thanks to the weight of your words.

“You should’ve asked me before you lunged at him, at least. I don’t know.” You wipe your many tears as you move towards the nearest bottle of water to try to calm yourself down. “It’ll never end. I’m so afraid that these situations will get even worse. That,” you motion at his wounds and dirty clothes, “is a bloody tragedy. It’s a tragedy things escalated to this point. You can’t do that forever.”

“This is just a consequence. And something I would do for you in a heartbeat whenever necessary.”

“Graham, I don’t want you to get hurt because--”

“They hurt you. I won’t let you go through that alone. Besides,” he comes closer to you again. “As I already told you, I can take care of myself, most of the time.” He takes your face in his hands, his fingers so delicately running across your cheeks to dry your tears. You knew that gesture wasn’t his way of asking you for anything you weren’t ready to give him yet. He just wanted you to feel safe. “And I want to take care of you.”

“I’m the one cleaning your wounds.”

“A great partnership, I think.” Coxon chuckles softly, and finally gets a smile out of you. As he always does. “And they make me look cool, don’t you think?”

“Shut up.” You giggle, still feeling too emotional to return to the stage. You sigh: “Thank you for being there for me. You know I’m still not very used to it. Just please be safe.”

The roadie returns, a little flustered by interrupting your little moment together. “5 minutes and you’re back, guys.”

“Okay!” You both turn to answer her.

“I’ll be. No need to thank me for anything, Y/N.” He answers, giving your forehead a little kiss. “Let’s go.”

“Give me two minutes. I’ll be right behind you.”

-

“What’s it like, being the only woman in the band?”

Four eyerolls at once don’t seem to faze the interviewer. She waits for your response.

Apparently the thousand invasive questions regarding Damon’s love life and the same bullshit treatment of women as either rare specimen or sex dolls is what pleases the audience of music TV shows these days.

“What do you think?” is what you say.

“Must be a thrill to have these beautiful boys around you all the time. And we’ve heard you never even took advantage of it!”

You don’t like where this is heading. “Is that… a bad thing? I don’t know what you mean.”

“Perhaps some of our lady viewers might think it is. No judgement though!” She raises her hands. “You do you, it’s just that it’s quite unexpected to see prudes in non-Christian bands. I mean… from what we’ve heard.”

“I’m sorry? What are you trying to say? What did you hear?”

Her tongue clicks while she stares at you with defiance and mischief on her eyes, as she goes a little further and raises her voice so it can overlay yours. “Oh love. You do know what I’m talking about. There’s no need to be ashamed of being a virgin.”

Your cheek burns intensely and the only thing you wished for was for the ground to swallow you whole. Dave and Graham are especially uncomfortable. Damon’s a bit amused. The three knew almost everything there was to know about you. The one topic that surprisingly they didn’t know about is that you’re still a virgin.

They know you’ve been single for a long time. They know that’s part of what draws so much attention and twisted lore regarding you and your past, but that’s not something they felt they needed to know about you at all, and you truly never felt the need to comment about that with any of them, and they haven’t asked. Not even Mr. “the way to be successful in this game is to make all the boys wanna be you and all the girls wanna sleep with you. In your case that’d work in reverse” Damon Albarn.

“Is that even something that should be discussed in an interview about our music? Is that what your boss told you to ask her about?” Dave answers, his tone venomous.

“Musicians are way more than just music. You’re entertainment in every sense of the word.”

“Who told you that about me?” You asked, not sure if you want to know the answer.

“A lovely elderly lady who lives in Elgin Crescent. She knows you so well.”

That’s your mum. That’s how far low your relationship has degraded. You’re not surprised. That doesn’t feel less like a punch on your gut, but you don’t feel like tumbling again. Not today.

“I know who you’re talking about. Tell her I asked her to go fuck herself and burn in hell. In that order.”

“But that’s your--”

“Yes, she is my mum!” If people are going to expose you anyway, then why don’t you do it on your terms? “We’re truly entertainment in every sense of the word, aren’t we. Not everyone’s mum’s a cunt. Some of us aren’t that lucky.”

“You want to be the next Gallagher sister with the spicy remarks?”

“Not sure. But I do want to be the last person you ever get to interview.”

-

The management of the band wasn’t at all surprised your interview became UK’s topic of the week. People were heavily divided between family is family and we shouldn’t hate our relatives and blood isn’t everything, family can be shitty too. Your bandmates were proud of you. The management was angry but tried to understand, and didn’t press you for further explanations. They suggested a two-week break from everything so Blur could rest their image and start a fresh cycle after that, and you gracefully accepted it.

The whole thing seemed so ridiculous the more you thought about it. Did your mum tell the reporter about that gratuitously? What was their conversation like? How did that even happen?

You became the butt of jokes in some places. You saw other famous people doing challenges between them, countdowns, all sorts of crude remarks. What a pathetic, sad chapter of your career.

You dial Graham, and you feel like your heart was about to burst out of your chest.

“Hey, Gra. It’s me.”

“Hey, Y/N.” He sounds pleasantly surprised. “How's it going?”

“Better, I guess. I have to take my mind off all that chaos though. Are you available right now?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been owing me a movie night for quite a while now and I miss spending time with you. Wanna come over?”

“Aww. Sure, I--um. Do you want me to bring anything?”

“I’m pretty sure I got everything we need here--ah… I think I don’t have any more beers.”

“I’ll buy some then. See ya in a few minutes.”

Actually, you couldn’t take all that chaos off your mind because that was the only thing in it. You’re feeling so nervous.

The main reasons sex wasn’t a priority for you until now were:

You didn’t have any real opportunities of losing your virginity in your teens. You were impossibly introspective until, like, 3, 4 years ago, and the way your family worked hasn’t really allowed you to get really close to people. Be it boyfriends, girlfriends or just friends. Anything that threatened to take time off the various tasks and classes your parents assigned to you just couldn’t be part of your life. To be honest, you still struggled a bit to form meaningful connections with people thanks to how you grew up.

The moment you stopped being shy, you noticed it was a real man’s world out there, especially in music, classical or not. You didn’t want anyone to think you fucked your way up to the top, you didn’t want any messy affairs. Also, you had yourself, and you didn’t get all of the hype regarding the concept of screwing someone. But apparently there’s a lot you’ve been missing, given the importance people seem to give to it. After that incident, even though you swore to yourself you wouldn’t give in to any kind of misogynistic pressure, that was one that really got under your skin.

You never really found someone who you felt 100% safe with in that sense until the one who’s about to arrive at your house appeared in your life. Bloody hell, and you don’t even have anything romantic going on. By the time you were a Blur member, you’ve fooled around a bit, but not all the way. You knew how to kiss, knew how to touch yourself and even brought manual satisfaction to some random fool you thought you were into one time. But perhaps this is the time to go all the way. Why not? Everyone knew how close you two were. He made you feel special. He was so kind. And gorgeous. And--

You hear a knock on your door. It’s him. Beers in hand, hair somewhat in place, twitchy as ever.

He comes inside and you feel like your legs will give up anytime. It was not the first time he visited you. It was one of many, actually, and he noticed you were acting… different.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks after a brief dialogue between you two, after plating some snacks for both of you.

“Graham...” You sigh, being really careful with your words. “What is your perception of me?”

“My perception of you?” He smiles. “I… think you’re great. You’re fun to be around. You’re one of the best musicians I know, if not the best. Why are you asking me that?”

“N-nothing. It’s nothing. Also, I asked the wrong question. What was your first perception of me?”

“Uh… the day of your audition?”

“Exactly. You barely talked to me that day.”

His eyes lower to his own feet. “I was really timid, actually. I wasn’t used to being near any girl, especially one who… w-would spend so much time around me if everything went well.”

You giggle. “I thought you hated me.”

“Never!” his smile turns into a full blown laughter. You melt at his confession. “Also because it seemed like you were trying to read my mind or something.”

“Of course! Because I thought you hated me!” Now that was a laughter you two shared. You do a voice: “‘Why is that pesky girl trying to get in my band?’”

“My goodness, no! I don’t even sound like that - you know what, I changed my mind. You suck. Because, besides the fact you don’t even know what I sound like, you still haven’t told me why you are asking me that in the first place.”

You couldn’t help but notice how he slightly cornered you physically in one of the kitchen corridors. Graham could be really persuasive when he wanted to.

“Okay. Right. Um. I’ve been thinking about some stuff.”

“What, exactly?”

“Everything that happened this month. The great virginity debacle,” you roll your eyes, and he scoffs.

“You don’t own anyone any information about what you do or don't do with your life. Everyone’s being so invasive. That was incredibly childish of the reporter to do, and we talked about that hundreds of times.”

“Yeah, but… you know what, forget it.”

“Tell me, Y/N. I just said that because I want you to know you were not in the wrong.”

“I know. It’s just… I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s silly for me to… keep closing myself for affection. Any kind of affection.”

“What are you talking about?” His brows furrowed in curiosity.

“I’m not sure if it’s the pressure that finally got under my skin, but… I’m willing to learn what all the fuss is about. Maybe it’s silly that I’m still a virgin.”

He bites his lips, still processing what you just said, expression unreadable. Perhaps you’ve treaded a ground you shouldn’t. You step back both literally and figuratively. “I’m sorry I even brought that up--”

“No, no, don’t be.” He assures you. “I’m just… surprised, that’s all. I swear.”

“And...” You know what. You already went too far, so why not go all the way. You’ve already gone way past the point of no return. “I was wondering if… you would… popmycherry?”

His eyes widen, yours still closed. When you finally open them, he’s closer to you again.

If his head was a machine, you’re sure it would be releasing lots of steam and shaking due to overprocessing. You felt like you just ruined everything.

“Y/N, you don’t need to do it if you don’t really want to.”

“But I want it! At first I thought I didn’t, but then I thought...”

“I don’t want to be part of that if you’re just doing it to fulfill weird expectations.”

“But it’s not that. Not just... that. I asked about your perception of me because I really like you, Gra. I think we should be more than friends and I wanted to know what you think about me. And I want to know what the fuss is about, yes, but I’m not telling you that just so I can lose my virginity to prove some point. I’m telling you that because I like you, I want to kiss you, and I think it would be a great idea if you showed me what it’s like. Y-you know, sex.”

“I-I can’t believe it. Did you even have any movie in mind?” His smile’s back, but you’re still not confident about what his answer will be.

“I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to--”

He sighs. “I was in love with you the moment I first saw you, actually.” He says it like he’s releasing a huge load out of his back, his arms crossed. Now your eyes widen, and you hold your breath without even noticing. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I know how you feel, or, felt about relationships, so… there wasn’t any reason for me to tell you that. And what I said about being timid was just half of the truth.”

“Huh?”

“I also was really intimidated by how pretty you looked. You can’t imagine how.”

“No way.”

“It’s true. I felt like I wasn’t even worthy of looking at you, really.”

“You’re joking. That’s mean, Gra.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.” He doesn’t look like he is joking. He looks relieved. “I’m really not. That’s why I’m so surprised by your request.”

“I’m nothing special.”

“You are everything to me. But I can’t accept your offer, not now.”

“Are you… seeing someone? Am I too late?”

“No. Definitely not. I just want you to be sure you’re not doing it because people are saying you should.”

“Graham, I’m a grown woman.”

“I know.”

Graham carefully presses his slightly chapped lips to yours, kissing you for a few precious, heart stopping seconds before pulling away; his voice is impossibly silky when he suggests, “Let’s watch a movie. How about The Godfather? I heard it’s airing tonight. Then, if in two weeks you don’t change your mind, tell me and I’ll be glad to help you with what you want. Do we have a deal?”

“That’s so unfair. I want you so bad.” You whisper.

“Tell me if you still do in two weeks.”

You sigh, defeated. “...Deal.”

-

You definitely notice the subtle shift in Graham’s personality and actions after that fateful night. If you were already close, both figuratively and literally, it now seemed like he would use any excuse to always touch you, be near you, sometimes tease you. The shift was subtle, though, don’t forget it’s still Graham Coxon we’re talking about - the constant “is it okay if”s or “is it alright if I”s were still there, as careful as ever. You don’t even talk about your deal that entire time, or even kiss again - sometimes you wondered if it was even real or just a fabrication of your mind.

The way he now caressed your hand discreetly when you listened to Damon’s ramblings, the way his hands now went directly to your waist when your games became too handsy, the way he seemed to be madly in love with everything you were and still are from the start - made you realize you were ready for this man to be a consistent part of your life.

The dust of the controversy was settled, and your own intentions were 100% clear to you now. The societal pressure has waned. The need for Graham to be your first persisted. After exactly 2 weeks have passed, you call him again, yearning to share the answer with him.

One beep.

Two beeps.

Three beeps.

Four beeps. “Hello?”

You release a sigh hidden deep inside of your lungs. “Graham, it’s Y/N.”

“Oh. It’s been two weeks.” You could hear the contemplative tone of his voice.

“...Yeah. That’s precisely the reason I’m calling you.”

“Do you still want to…?”

“...Desperately.”

“Ok.” He chuckles, flustered as hell on the other side of the phone, probably one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard. “Right. Ok. Your place or mine?”

“I think there’ll be an element of mystery if I go to your place this time.” You lose some of the constraints this silly shyness has been tying you on. “Do you have everything we might need there?”

“We don’t need a dungeon, you know.”

“The basics.” You make your smile heard.

“I do have… I do have the basics.”

“See you in a few minutes then.”

“Will you want to… ease into it? Or just go straight to it?”

“God, don’t make it awkward!” Your cheeks burn, your smile turning into contagious laughter. “Maybe… I don’t know. Ease into it, I guess? A movie night… but with s-something else?”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

“Alright then. See you.”

“See you.”

-

You don’t choose any particularly fancy or sexy clothes, instead settling for a slightly oversized yellow striped shirt he gave you as a birthday present some months ago and some skirt that fit you well. He wasn’t one to lavish his loved ones with gifts all the time, but few things were as precious as the look on his face whenever he saw you wearing something he gave you or, hell, even eating something he paid for you. You’re thrilled to see it again when he opens the door for you, it easing some of your deepest doubts.

2001: A Space Odyssey is already playing on the TV when you arrive. Despite it being one of your favorite movies of all time, and his, you’re not mad it was already halfway through when you arrived. It wasn’t your main priority to rewatch it for the 17th time tonight.

He offers you some wine, which you accept to ease the nerves. You sit on his couch, and he shares the cozy space with you, now mindlessly throwing one of his arms around your shoulders. You cuddle up to him, and everything seems peaceful in the world for a while.

The tip of his fingers softly caress your lifted knee, absentmindedly. You couldn’t help but notice how well his body fits with yours, how your skin was apparently made for him to touch, and the anxiety rumbles in your stomach like a storm in a wild wavy sea. After some minutes, you raise your head, his big brown eyes meeting yours as if asking you a silent question. You leaned up a bit more to press your lips to his, in a silent answer. The sweetness in him makes this moment as precious as every other moment you ever shared with him. His hands enter your hair, making you shiver a bit from the unfamiliarity and the electricity of it all - but it doesn’t sway you from deepening the kiss, wanting more of his taste, more of this, more of him.

“Do you wanna take this to the bed?” He whispers, after noticing your moans were becoming more frequent and needy. You nod, and you are taken by surprise when he carries you bridal style to it, hiding your excited giggles in his broad shoulders.

Graham wasn’t exactly the most organized man in the world - so the fact that his bedroom was now impossibly tidy was something that positively caught your attention. He put some planning into this. He lays you down and you part your legs, beckoning him to meet you between them. He does, and you go back to the breathtaking makeout session. You notice he’s holding himself back a bit, taking his time, his warm tongue moving smoothly, not hurriedly, against yours. His self control falters a bit though, given how he can’t stop grinding against you. You follow the rhythm of his hips a bit timidly and not nearly as in sync as you’d really like, though the pressure his covered cock is creating against your core can already be felt and some particular thrusts are able to fill at least partially the aching, wet need growing within you.

“How do you feel about oral?” He asks, breath warm near your ear, his voice raspy and spent by his desire for you.

“Um… It would be my first time receiving or doing it.”

“Would you like me to go down on you?”

“Wow. I never thought I would hear you saying something like that.” You smile, still assimilating the situation you’re in, trying not to show how badly his voice is affecting you. “Sure.”

“I never thought I would get to propose this to you. Aren’t we full of surprises lately.” He smiles back, warmly. He notices your hands trembling a bit from how anxious you are while you’re taking off your underwear with his help, and as he lowers himself to where you need him most, he takes your hands in his as an act of reassurance. “Tell me what you like. Tell me if what I’m doing works for you. I want this to be a great experience.”

“You want me to get addicted to you, that’s what you want,” He chuckles, lovingly kissing your thigh as a reply. “Okay, Gra. Guess I’ll find out along the way.”

You quickly take a peak below you to see the lower half of his face disappear in the middle of your thighs. The sight alone sets your fire ablaze, as he hooks his arms around your thighs and lifts you closer to his mouth, his lips ghosting over the curls between your legs tantalizingly and his breath catching when your hips jerk forward.

As he begins his ministrations, you immediately notice it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. That feeling was completely alien to you. It was even wetter than you expected, and weird, but powerfully pleasant. Before this exact moment, you had a firm belief that hardly anyone else would make you feel the same way, or better, than you do yourself, but apparently you were very wrong. Thankfully you were wrong. “My god,” you gasp as the flat of his tongue drags over your folds, too much and not enough, and you jerk at the contact. “This is great. So weird, but-- great.”

He moans at your response, his movements carefully enthusiastic. He works his tongue between your folds and traces up to curl the tip of it around your clit, and it’s quite endearing and madly arousing to see how he eats out you like you’re the sweetest and tastier dessert he has ever tasted. You involuntarily buck against him with a desperate sound the moment he moves his tongue and lips in a particularly wicked way, something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but you still feel the need to highlight in case it didn’t - “That. Keep doing that, please,”

And he does. The building of this climax is also different than the ones you already had by your own hands, and is more coy. As he sees the drops of sweat sliding along your soft skin and the expressions on your face as you get lost in this new but enchanting sensations, his hesitation and self-control fades away; there’s nothing uncertain in the way he buries his face in your cunt now, nothing restrained in the groan he lets out as he devours you and drinks you down as if you’re the first stream of water he has seen in days.

His tongue glides deeper in your folds again and again, swirling up through the wetness you’re coated with to tease at your clit while he grunts and strains closer, squeezing your thighs with both hands tight. The wave of heat inside of you is cresting so fast, you don't even know how to tell him, how to signal that you’re nearly done for and, in the end, it happens too fast to even try. He sucks at your clit, circling it with his tongue, once, twice, and then you’re crying out, shaking underneath him, trying to keep your thighs from clenching too hard around his head as he laps you through it with with urgent whimpers and moans, as if he cannot have enough of you.

You’re still trembling when he rises, the look on his face revealing to you how proud he feels by making you feel this way. It looks so good on him.

You fail miserably at the simple task of connecting words together after that, choosing instead to collect your remaining strength, prop yourself up and beckon him again to keep kissing him and learn, through his talented tongue, how you taste. He kisses the thin fabric of the shirt at your chest that covers you from view, your throat, your jaw, and before he reaches your impatient lips, he notes, sinfully, “Seems like you enjoyed yourself, love.”

“That was… unbelievable. Stars, I want to make you feel good too. Please show me how.”

“Keep kissing me,” he begs, voice still strained from how aroused he is. “I want to be inside you so bad. Let’s get you prepared.” You’re still so sensitive, you tread on overstimulation when his fingers lightly touch your clit, making you break the kiss in a hiss. He traces a line on your folds, inspecting the impact his mouth had on you. “So wet for me.”

“Bit slower, Gra,” He complies to your breathy plea, his fingers now more tame as he slowly spreads your wetness throughout your pussy. He stretches towards the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube, interrupting his contact to spread some on his fingers before unhurriedly slipping his middle finger inside of you. The coldness of the gel makes you shiver in surprise, the easiness brought by it very welcomed. Again - the sensation is odd. Completely unfamiliar. The feeling of having something inside of you for the first time, going further than you ever dared to try, probing, exploring; the coldness of the lube clashing against your burning hot cunt. But it also felt nice. The focused look on his face was adorable, he looked like he was a scientist in the middle of very complex research.

Despite the panting, the messy hair and the fire in his eyes.

Your body already has a lot of new sensations to process simultaneously, so when he asks you to take off your bra and shirt so his tongue can work on your nipples - which you gladly accept, you feel like you’re on sensual overload. His tongue, again, so talented, takes your mind off the slight burning you feel when he introduces his ring finger to your soaked, throbbing core, his focused, carefully overpowering and constant stimulation driving you insane.

“Does it feel good?” He asks, voice muffled by your breast. You nod, carried by the wave of pleasure sweeping you.

“Yes. God, yes.” You pant, tangling your fingers tightly on his thick hair as an encouragement, a desperate sound escaping from your lips the moment he reaches a certain point within you you didn’t even know existed, hot mouth continuing to lick and suck your nipple. Even though you were spent by your last orgasm, he was indeed getting you addicted to those new feelings, and even though this was heavenly, truly heavenly, you needed more. “Gra, I’m ready, I think.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

Releasing your nipple from his lips with a sounding pop, he eagerly frees himself from his trousers - hard as a brick - and puts protection and lubrication on, swiftly positioning himself between your thighs while stroking himself to the sight in front of him. You motion to take off your skirt, and he holds your hand, not letting you. “Don’t. It’ll be really hot to fuck you in this.” He confesses, giving your forehead a kiss in a very different context than before. He aligns his forehead with yours, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air. He looks deep into your eyes, slowly running the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy, coating himself in the remnants of your pleasure. “Do you trust me?”

You trust me to know your limits? Not to go any further if you don’t really want me to?

“Absolutely.”

The only response you get from him is a shuddering, helpless moan into your mouth and you hold him tighter to you, grinding your still sensitive cunt up against his cock while he pulls hard at the soft fur next to your head. You feel your soaking pussy lips part around the solid curve of his length and gradually coat the underside of him in slick with every gentle circle and roll your hips make, as he finally pulls away from your mouth to drop his forehead to your neck. He then, very slowly, penetrates you, stopping when he hears the noises you make indicating you’re struggling to adjust to his presence. Out of everything you’ve felt in the last minutes, this was by far the most painful sensation. “This-- is new,” you note, your face completely incapable of hiding the discomfort. He also notices that.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

“It’s okay. I’ll get used to it.”

“It’s not supposed to be about endurance, you know.” He says, a bit breathless and worried, caressing your hair. “Tell me when it’s okay to move. Or if you feel too much pain.”

After some long seconds and some deep breaths, you say: “Okay. Go on.”

“As you wish.”

He moves inside you at a very slow pace, the lubrication clearly making it easier for you to handle it. It still hurts, significantly, but the sensation of being filled is also surprisingly arousing.

His hand moves to your sensitive clit again in small, measured circles, your little moans being a mixture of the pain of penetration and the sheer ecstasy of seeing him falling apart because of you. The way his chest heaves while the drops of sweat start pearling his fair skin, the furrowed brows and broken groans, the thickness of him as he rests heavy up against your entrance, the way his voice presses deliciously tight in his throat as he gasps out into the quiet room - everything’s making your chest burst in love and satisfaction. You tighten your grip around him and roll your hips up into his cock, letting it break you open nice and slow; it stretches you wide with a deliciously sharp fullness and pleasure rips through you, and Graham becomes even more vocal as he picks up a steady and gradually faster pace. He turned all of your keys, it’s about time you turn some of his.

“Graham, deeper,” you whimper, continuing to tighten your legs and hoist yourself up, lifting your hips to take his cock deeper inside you. His name rips itself from your throat while Coxon clenches his jaw and starts to lose himself in the pleasure, holding you down into the bed while he allows your desperation to guide him to the perfect angle and speed to sate you. He found denying you to be impossible.

He snarls and curses as he holds you down and rails you, determined to make you sing again before he finishes, and to his delight, your heightened sensitivity gives him what he wants. And this time, he couldn't hold on.

Graham kisses you one last time as he groans and gives in, head dropping to your neck again. You didn’t reach a second climax, but stars, what an experience you just had.

When he comes back to himself enough to realise he still had you practically folded in half, he carefully pulls his softening cock free, taking the condom off and taking the strands of hair out of your face as you struggle to catch your breath. You suggest a shared bath, a suggestion he gladly accepts.

Too tired and too sore for pillow talk, comfortable silence falls as your hand finds his, and you lay, listening to each other’s breathing slowly settle.

I could get used to his little snore on my chest, is the last thought that twinkles on your mind before you fall asleep snuggled with him.

[vvitchering]

TBOBF ep 6 thoughts under the cut whooooosh

I feel like a LOT was squeezed into this episode. They just barely managed to make it all fit without feeling too overly squashed but it was close. We’re really more solidly into “this is The Mandalorian S 2.5” territory now, which we were told about before this show ever aired anyway so I’m not surprised.

(Though I’m not as upset about Boba’s spotlight being moved the last two eps as others are, I do agree it’s Not Great to have given the impression this far that this would be HIS SHOW ENTIRELY and then sideline him for Mando characters. At least we saw him for 5 seconds this ep though…)

Called seeing Cobb again! I’m two for two! It would be really shitty to finally fish that wish and then have him murdered. By Cad fuckin BANE. Whomst I know a lot of you bigger Star Wars fans probably loved seeing but I could have done without. We’re starting to get a little cameo heavy again which was one of Mando S2’s big issues imo.

Part of what made Mando so good (and what was also really good about TBOBF there at the start) was that it told an amazing story without relying on the credit an old familiar face would give it. Mando succeeded with brand new character Din Djarin at the helm because it was a well written and produced show and didn’t NEED name drops to keep it afloat. I’m worried tossing Cobb, Luke, Ahsoka, Grogu, Din, and now Bane into TBOBF is an overreaction to the negative feelings people were (rightfully) having over what happened to the Tuskans.

It’s either a distraction, a desperate grab for views, a misguided attempt at forgiveness, idk. But you don’t toss that many classic cameos into one random episode unless you’re feeling insecure about it’s standing. And it certainly doesn’t make up for the horrible writing decisions earlier in the series.

I did enjoy seeing Cobb and Grogu again and I do love Din being involved. But even with my overall positive view of last week and somewhat of this week’s ep, I do find it in bad taste that Din has been acting as the main character again in a show that isn’t his. As much as I love him, I think it would have been better to have him filling a supporting role, backing up Boba, (probably as he was meant to in this show, originally) than monopolize the screen time himself.

That’s probably more greed on D*sney’s part than anything else. They know Mando did well so let’s toss Din and Grogu into TBOBF so we can sell all that baby yoda merch again woooooo!!!

Anyway:

If Cobb Vanth is dead we riot

Luke (and Ahsoka) continues to be a dick for preaching emotional distance and then constantly trying to emotionally manipulate Grogu into choosing to become a Jedi instead of following the equally available and valid path of becoming a Mandalorian.

Did we need Cad Bane? Nah probably not.

A lot of this feels like it could have waited for Mando S3 which makes me think they want to tie up this plot by the end of this show so other things can be explored in Mando S3.

So why bother bringing in all these familiar faces and making it about them? Just seems weird. Especially when they take screen time from the person who’s show it actually is meant to be.

Looking at it now, I really wonder if something happened in the middle of filming or writing or at some point in the creative process because where we are now feels incredibly distant in almost every single way from where we were eps 1-3. Slapping Din and a bunch of his supporting cast in wouldn’t have been tough, seeing as how they wouldn’t even have needed Pedro Pascal to physically be there. What the hell happened? Possibly something to do with covid?

I still liked this ep. As long as I’m entertained, I consider things successful. Remember that this show was always meant to bridge the gap between the two Mando seasons, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that this is just how the show will be from now on. And we only have 2 more episodes to go. It’s gotten me very excited to get back into The Mandalorian, which realistically was TBOBF’s purpose all along. I still would have liked to have gotten more Boba content out of it before this point, though.

Cobb better not be dead 👀🔪

[adorehs]

changing your tune

Hi I just wanted to mention that a lot of this might be inaccurate. This is based off of my time in my city's youth orchestra so while I’m sure some things transfer, but not everything. Kinda bad at the end per usual <3

Summary: Classical Musician!Y/N has created a simple life for herself consisting of herself, her music, and the boy she loves. Friends to lovers. (15.6k words)

Warnings: mostly fluff, slight angst, mentions of smut, minor character death. 

“I just think I need to have a fuller tone to really get the dark undertone of the music. Like, it’s so clearly meant to be this dark, horrible travesty but if I can’t get the tone right then it’s just this light and airy travesty. But I can’t bend the note just right, my air is, like, gone,” you vent out. 

Harry watches you intently from where he sat in your study with a hand holding his chin up and an elbow on his knee, “I think it sounds great.”

You look at him unimpressed, “It’s all chalumeau. Of course it sounds good, it just doesn't sound right.” 

“Right, so it’s in the lower register,” he mentally reminds himself, “What’s it supposed to sound like?” 

You let out a sigh and pick up your clarinet from the stand it rested on, “It sounds kind of different without my custom, but the r13 will work for now,” you mumble, adjusting the reed and ligature on your mouthpiece, a nervous tick you picked up in school. 

Your eyes flicker up to Harry, waiting for his glance of approval before you start. Your cheeks expertly swell and decompress in size as you circular breathe through the measures, your mind concentrated on the smooth transitions between rhythms and the registers, cutting the triplets short as you’ve written them. 

The soothing noise of your clarinet fills the large room immediately, your forte becoming all too loud to process any thoughts. The victorian-styled room had low hanging lights that streamed a warm orange tone over the patterned chairs and built-in bookcase that held hundreds of music books with etudes you’ve mastered since your youth. 

Though the warm tones made the room feel homely, the curtains were drawn back and the windows were opened ajar allowing a short breeze to flow in every two minutes. You knew better then to turn on a fan around your hand-crafted instrument. You understood the fluctuation it would cause if the temperature changed drastically day by day. This is why you were careful to turn the air conditioning off before you opened the window, keeping the temperature relatively steady through the day. 

Harry watched you in pure concentration- he was truly enamoured by the way you lost yourself in music. He wanted to understand what you were saying but it was hard- he enjoyed music but was completely deaf when it came to describing the mood of a piece. 

He worked with numbers, and loved it. A born accountant in your presence, watching you play your clarinet with what seems to be ease. But you seemed so distant from him. A whole world away. And how was he going to sweep you off your feet when he can hardly understand your career? 

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly as the technique became more difficult, effectively making you let off your clarinet and huff a breath of disapproval. Your heart was clearly pounding after the page you played at full tempo for effect, but you tried not to show the effect the music had on your body. 

You reached for your pencil before erasing a note you had written and writing another one in, a higher register G#. The graphite smeared on the yellow-tinted manuscript book that sat on the music stand before you, everything shaking lightly as vigorously colored in the line and drew in a staccato articulation above the sixteenth note. 

Forgetting Harry’s presence, you picked up your clarinet once again and played the same measure in sets of five, increasing the tempo by four beats each time, before deciding it is satisfactory for now. 

Your face only showed a slight upturn, as you wrote in a new measure, testing how the chord would resolve with some soft air and incomplete vibrations through the wooden block. Minor chord or major? you asked yourself.

Harry’s eyes watched yours as they darted across the room from your clarinet, to your manuscript, to your metronome, which was silently flashing a red light at a tempo of 180 and a subdivision of eighth notes. 

He wondered who taught you so harshly- he’d never seen someone so critical of their own work. You liked to make everything very perfect in a meticulous way- you knew just when to linger on the seventh of a chord to leave an uneasy feeling in the pit of one;s stomach and you were stellar when it came to expressing a story and emotion through your music. At least that’s what Harry thought. 

“So where does your tone need to get fuller?” he asks again.

You looked up at him, slightly shocked. You had forgotten he was there, “When I get higher, like, near the F#. It has no depth to the note and it sounds like a playground piece,” you explain softly, watching as his eyes furrowed in confusion.

“So you want it to sound darker when the octave goes up?” he confirms one more time.

You nod, “Yeah. Want it to sound more emotional and thoughtful. It also makes me sound like a stylistically competent player,” your eyes flicker back to the page in an instant. 

“I think your style is good. You have a good variety in the symphony, too. They’ll like this one. Get the solo down and then ask some people to come and play with you,” Harry comments, rubbing his hands on his corduroy pants as he sits back further in the chair. The heavy fabric makes a dissatisfying pulling noise as Harry moves around in the chair, resting his hands on the dark wooden arms with ornate carvings on the ends. 

“I don’t know,” you sighed, “They haven’t taken my last three. If I can just make one good one, I can take some more risks and possibly compose a whole symphony,” you pause, making eye contact with Harry again, “But that’ll take years. Probably only when I retire from the orchestra.”

“They are good,” Harry argues weakly. He doesn’t know how to convince you because all he knows is that he likes it. 

“Well clearly they’re not as good as you and I think,” you counter with a huff, picking up your clarinet once more before playing the same piece from the beginning. 

//

After an overextended work week, Harry was excited to go out and have some fun with his friends. He was still a ripe twenty-six year old, working long and hard hours as a starting budget analyst, hoping to be promoted higher within the job and lighten his workload- at least that's what everyone promised will happen. Nevertheless, he still enjoyed the simple pleasures of going out and celebrating his friends. 

It was an all too familiar setting- a sticky, trashed bar with little to no care given to the seats that were falling apart at the seams. He found himself thinking of the frat parties you had described to him when he asked what Greek Life was. 

But, he was there to celebrate one of his colleagues' birthdays. It was her twenty-fifth, so he found himself understanding the want for a big party. The bar might have been trashed but it was large and suitable for the hundreds of people she seemed to invite.

And among the hundreds, he only viewed one. You. 

You wore a dress that you pulled from the back of your closet and hadn’t seen the light of day since you were in college. You wore it to special events and networking parties, but you found it all too nice to wear to most other situations you found yourself in.

Harry had definitely forgotten your connection to his colleague, or better known as your sister. He watched as you greeted her with a wide smile and a kiss on the cheek, an awkward side hug was exchanged as everyone around you both cheered in excitement. You were pretty loved. 

“Happy birthday Mon,” you repeat for the second time that day, “Hope the year treats you well.” 

Your sister smiled in response, “Off to a great start,” she eyes the party reviving behind you, “I’m glad you could make it. Thought you’d have a performance tonight.”

You shook your head, “Nope. Requested this day off a year ago. Couldn’t miss my favorite day of the year!”

Your sister glances at you with a look of amusement, “Happy Monica day is your favorite of the year?”

“Yup, love happy Monica day,” you reiterate. 

Monica opened her mouth to reply but was swiftly cut off by a deep British accent, “Happy birthday Mon!” you hear from behind you.

You turn around quickly, side stepping to allow Harry into your conversation. He leans into your sister before granting her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, “How are you?” he asks, replacing your spot in front of her. 

You smile at Monica and halfheartedly wave a goodbye as you slowly make your way over to the bar to order some food. You decided a year ago that you were going to stop drinking. At first, it was a hard choice to make. You were used to having a drink in most social situations, especially being a young adult working with people of all ages. It was a common scene to find you in- an after party with hundreds of musicians having a glass of champagne or white wine in celebration. 

You sat yourself on a deep crimson stool, swirling slightly as you waited for your sliders to be given to you. Watching as people met and reconnected was isolating for you. You knew very few people Monica worked with and found yourself just shy of saying hi to someone who looked friendly every time you were at a gathering such as this one. 

Nodding a silent thank you as your sliders were placed in front of you, your attention shifts. It was the loud talking and blaring music that made your brain want to go into overdrive, never quite getting used to noises you couldn’t control. 

“Hi, Y/N,” you feel a body slide into the seat beside you. You couldn’t exactly pin whose voice it was at first listen so you shift your body towards them and slide the plate between you two as a peace offering. 

“Hey,” you reply, making eye contact with one of Monica’s friends you met when she first started working at the firm. 

“How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I’m alright, Louis. And yourself?” 

“I’m quite alright. Been working a lot. Itching to get promoted,” he lets out a small laugh, “But who isn’t.”

You shoot him a grin, “Not sure, I love my job.”

“When’re you playing next? Love to come see you play. Haven't been to the new show yet,” he leans in towards you and takes a slider before leaning back again. 

“Play Thursday to Sunday every week until November. Then we switch to Christmas ballets,” you tell him with a grin, “I recommend Thursday or Sunday, though. Best prices and best crowd.”

He nods in confirmation, “I’ll have to take Harry with me, know he’s been bugging me to go with him for a while.”

“Yeah, bring him! It’ll be fun, we can all go out after too!” you counter, dismissing Louis' comment about Harry’s insistent nature. That was just him, you thought. 

“Definitely,” he agrees, “Plus it’s a nice way to unwind. I’ll definitely see if I can come soon.”

“Oh, please! I love seeing a familiar face. Feel like I play better,” you laugh, “Still get nervous, but Harry always tells me I’ll do amazing.”

“Harry’s good at that,” Louis agrees, “Always makes sure you don’t undersell yourself. And he’s right! You’re amazing.” 

You feel your cheeks heat up at the compliment, “Thank you! He’s definitely everyone's biggest cheerleader,” you joke. Turning around entirely in your stool, your eyes sift quickly through the crowd in search of Harry. “See, there he is,” you chortle, “Hyping up Niall as he chugs a,” you squint.  

“A beer, probably,” Louis completes for you. 

You both laugh and watch as Niall shoots up from his spot on the ground in victory before immediately falling back onto the ground with great dramatics. The room roars as Harry helps his friend stand back up and walks him over to the bathroom before swinging the door back open, “Ladies and gentlemen,” he pauses for effect, “The boy lives!” 

The room once again falls into a unison form of laughter as Niall appears behind Harry moments later, “Where’s the beer?” he shouts over the laughs, which quickly turn into cheers at his sportsmanship. 

While Louis lets out a loud laugh at his friend's antics and moves towards the crowd to see more clearly, you looked up towards Harry. He dressed himself impressively well considering his lack of knowledge in the arts. Though he wore a simple outfit consisting of a red button up and black jeans, his confidence soared higher than anyone else’s you’d seen in a while. 

His smile was infectious and seemed to fill his whole face and as his eyes raised to meet yours it grew to a tenfold. Speaking with his body language, you somehow sensed that he wanted you to get up and join him. 

You shook your head with a smile and mouthed ‘I’m fine here!’ only to receive a ‘What!?’ in response. You shook your head in defeat and stood up, mouthing the same phrase only slower. 

Harry replied with a look of realization and instantaneously, a pout replaced his smile. You frowned at your effect on him, not wanting him to feel upset because of you of all people. 

You stood up and slowly started making your way over to him, allowing the smile to rediscover its place on his lips. He was watching you near him, when his head suddenly snapped towards a high pitched scream coming from your sister, “It’s midnight!” she shouts. 

Harry chuckles at her dramatics and smiles when he feels your body press up against his side. He didn’t have to look to know it was you, he could smell your distinct perfume as you neared him and he was happy knowing you found comfort around him- though that should’ve been clear from the nights upon nights you spend together, him listening to your music and you listening to his rants. 

Monica was handed a bottle of champagne and she stepped into the middle of the corner you all occupied, people filing in suit around her and forming a circular crowd. 

“Hey everyone! Uh- thank you so much for coming- I mean it. It means a lot to me to be surrounded by a bunch of people I love on my favorite day of the year!” She jokes, earning some light laughs and a few words of endearment thrown back at her. “No, seriously, thanks a lot, and,” she trails off, her thoughts too blurry for her planned speech, “Here’s to twenty five!” she cheers, shaking the champagne bottle, allowing it to pop and spray all over. She quickly spins in an attempt to spray everyone, but the champagne bubbles over and only gets half the group. 

You and Harry both laugh, shaking your hands to get the sticky substance off your bodies. “She tries every year and never succeeds,” you tell him.

He chuckles in response, “She gets too drunk to remember.” 

“Or she just thinks that she’s sober enough to get it this year,” you laugh back. 

Harry laughs and nods, “Definitely. She thinks she’s perfectly fine,” he points at Monica who is going around the circle and hugging everyone in thanks. “To be fair she looks okay,” he adds. 

“She always does,” you agree with Harry.

The two of you fall silent and you stand back watching your sister make rounds. Harry’s hand creeps onto your back as he steps closer to you, bringing you in front of him. He hums along to the song you couldn’t remember the name of that was blaring on the speakers and he basks in the glory of being in your presence. 

Soon enough, your sister had made her way over to the two of you, hugging you both and exchanging her thanks for coming and just as quick as she came, she left you two alone. 

“So, uh,” Harry starts.

“Hey, um, I’m gonna leave. Got an early start tomorrow,” you tell Harry, pointing at the door. 

“Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, you should go,” he stammers.

You smile at him, “Okay, cool. I’ll see you later?” you asked, stepping towards Monica to say a final happy birthday and goodnight. 

“Yeah, definitely,” he nods in confirmation. 

You wave before finding your sister and saying goodnight, then driving yourself back home. 

//

Harry was sitting in bed with his laptop on his lap and a blanket covering his legs. He was doing some research in an attempt to find books that could teach him about music theory. 

He told himself he wanted to be more involved in his friends' lives and further his education in one of his weakest subjects- music. But in reality, it was clear to those around him that he wanted to impress you and be more involved in your life and yours only. They had never seen him pick up a book on physical therapy or take a quick online course on python- he was doing it all purely for you. 

He was contemplating if he should invest in a book or just take a free online course, both seemed like viable options but he wanted to optimize his time. He wanted to make it click faster. 

He decided he’d try the online course and take his chances and if he still didn’t understand he would invest in a book. 

So there he was on a Tuesday evening sitting in bed with his headphones in learning how basic chords were made. He wrote notes as if he was still in school and studied them after each lesson. He wasn’t fully immersed in the world like you were, but he felt as though he could carry a bit more of a conversation with you about music, especially when compared to before. 

Harry was learning slowly but surely and in about a week he could, in theory, explain how to develop a minor chord from it’s major among various other basics (that you would probably think were common knowledge) but he had no recollection of learning. 

As per usual, he spent every Monday and Wednesday evening with you. On Mondays, you would have movie night and on Wednesdays, he would get some work done in your office while you played. It never truly distracted him, either. Honestly, it made him feel very peaceful and he found that the routine was more about being in the presence of each other rather than making memories. 

One Wednesday, he had completed his work early and as usual, he would sit and see what you had composed to help give his limited input on your compositions. 

Typically, he would sit and listen silently with a slight tilt to his head while he thought up a thoughtful comment about your playing. You would always sit there anxiously, with your posture beginning to slouch since you were not playing anymore, waiting for a comment that you both knew would be neither helpful or negative. 

Harry was good at that. He was good at making you feel like you were doing good with absolute sincerity and not a single waiver of his voice. His face would stay straight and he would find the good in it all. It was probably your favorite part of the man who sat with you on the particular day. 

This time, unlike the last, your window was shut tight and you were trying your hardest to keep your hands steady. You couldn’t make the piece sound right. It sounded okay but that would not get you signed. It needed to be calculated and perfect in a theoretical standpoint. It also needed to be simple enough to split into parts for larger groups but difficult enough to have solo excerpts from each instrument- in case a full orchestra didn’t work. 

And that was difficult to accomplish. 

Harry knew that and he agreed- how could one person who hadn’t ever been signed make such an elaborate piece? He thought it was absolutely absurd that to maximize your chances you had to make the piece a combination of just about everything. 

You sat with the same face as you usually did, one pleading for some sort of advice or criticism. What you weren’t expecting was for Harry to deliver. 

“Think if you made it a minor chord instead of a major and ended on the seventh it could bring some edge,” Harry eventually says. 

Your eyes widen slightly in confusion, “Yeah, uh, let me try that,” you stammered. 

You covered what you had written with a sticky note, drawing on the new scale. You showed Harry the note and asked him if that was what he was thinking, to which he replied yes. You nod lightly and play the piece once again from the beginning, swaying slightly as you approached lyrical bits and narrowed your air stream to control your volume. 

Harry nods along with your playing, pausing slightly in places he could tell you didn’t like much. Eventually, he watches as you play what he had suggested, anxiety rising up his throat in fear of not being accepted. 

“Think I like it. But I need to fix some of the other stuff too,” you told him once you finished. “It would definitely feel right that way.”

Harry nodded and stood up. He rounded the long desk and joined you where you sat by the window in an uncomfortable chair made to help keep your posture near perfect. He crouched down so he could be eye level with your music and furrowed his brows.

You watched as he read the notes carefully, taking his time as he took in each technically challenging measure and the lyrically soft measures in contrast. You grew anxious for his approval so you busied yourself by taking the sticky note off of the manuscript and erasing and redrawing the notes for the new scale Harry advised you to add.

You took your time, slowly coloring each eighth note, the graphite crumbling down the page, leaving a light smear as you wiped it away with the side of your hand.

Harry looked up at you, “I think you should change this,” he points, “Make it flat and get rid of this note entirely,” he spoke slowly. You watch as his finger indicates each note and you nod along softly.

“Okay, I’ll try,” you agree.

He nods in response and rests his hand on your thigh, you hardly notice the action that felt natural in the moment.

You temporarily wrote in each suggestion and played the piece again from the beginning, a process the two of you were becoming increasingly annoyed with. As you approached the measure he had pointed out, your mind wondered: how did he know all this and why didn’t he mention any of it before?

Your air slowed down as your mind wandered and your fingers followed closely after, a ritardando, Harry noted. He hadn’t mentioned tempo but he found that bringing the piece down to cut time brought a new feeling that he couldn’t put his finger on.

Abruptly, you stopped, and Harry knew you didn’t realize. You both sat in silence for a moment before Harry stood up and moved back over to where he was sitting previously. He cleared his throat, “I’m gonna head out. Good luck Y/N,” he rushed out. 

You shook your head in disbelief. You truly didn’t understand what just happened. But, you shook it off and tried again, keeping the ritardando. 

Harry on the other hand, was in a state of panic. He had realized what he had done and he thought she did too, resulting in her abrupt stopping point. 

Harry had begun to understand that he was in love with you. And he didn’t know until just then. But he had done everything just for you. 

//

The following Sunday Harry finally managed to drag Louis out of his city apartment and downtown to the Meyerson Symphony Center where you were to perform Mendelssohn’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Neither Harry or Louis have seen you perform this particular show so they were late to learn that you had auditioned for and successfully got the clarinet solo in a particular piece from the Symphony named Scherzo.

You had explained to Harry your appeal to this particular symphony- you found it to be unique of all the others that accompanied Shakespeare's work. Instead of relaying a difficult emotion or putting a satirical spin on a human issue like his other works did, you found Midsummer to be a pure romp into romance and the abnormalities of love. 

And though you hadn’t been in love for a while, you found yourself feeling the emotion wholly through both the piece and music in it of itself. 

Harry had read midsummer before- in fact he had seen it live with his mum and sister when he was younger, but he never understood the effect the music had on the play. He never looked into the contextualization of the play, let alone the deeper aspirations of it. 

He understood music theory but he still had trouble analyzing music itself. He couldn’t pinpoint moods by just listening- he needed to see it written out which he believed hindered his ability to enjoy music to its fullest extent.

Needless to say, Harry entered the theater with Louis with a thought of determination. All he wanted was to find a way to understand the music and appreciate it as you did. They were both clad in matching suits, a simple black and white for the symphony, and made their way to the middle where their tickets directed them. Harry sat in the aisle and Louis sat right next to him, whispering in excitement of the show. 

“I fucking love this story,” Louis says.

Harry lets out a quiet laugh, “I hardly remember it.” 

Louis joins Harry in laughter and shrugs, “Oh well, it’ll still be good.”

Harry nods in agreement and turns away from Louis as the curtains open and the lights dim.

It wasn’t the first time he had seen you on this stage, but he found himself mesmerized as he found you with his eyes. He watched as you scanned the crowd quickly, your eyes jumping past him and Louis a few times before you recognized your friends. You shot them each a relieved smile and sat up straighter in your chair. 

The conductor cast a smile at everyone before beginning the first piece, the Overture making its debut in the room. Just as Harry was used to, the melodic sounds filled the room to the brim, every last corner feeling the pure emotion that was put into the piece. 

Harry couldn’t describe the feeling but he knew he was proud. He understood that watching you in your element is probably the worst thing he could do for himself, but he had to. It was pure torture to watch you fall in love with something that wasn’t him, but he loved the way it happened.

You lost yourself so easily and he felt as though you were the loudest in the room. He could hear your sound over everyone else's, your instrument being isolated from all the others in his mind. Harry could swear he had never been so proud in his life to see someone do what they love. 

As the overture came to a close, his hands met in applause and he felt the need to stand up just so you would know how much he loved it. But as quickly as he started, he stopped his applause and the next piece was beginning. 

No. 1 Scherzo. It was the second piece on the track and your personal favorite for reasons you would not disclose to Harry. He had heard you practice it a few times before, nodding along as he recognized fragments of the piece. 

It was around three minutes into the piece when Harry learned why it was your favorite. Because it was just you. You were the only one playing- your solo bringing tears to his eyes. It was just that moment when you looked up and made eye contact with Harry, him nodding with a large grin on his face with reassurance, you’re doing amazing, it read. 

When you looked back up at your music, your eyes narrowing in concentration, you failed to notice the look on Harry’s face. His phone had buzzed and he found himself confused- he was sure he put it on silent. The feeling that was elicited was nothing but good, so he decided to go check just for some peace of mind.

He stood up, pointing at his phone when Louis questioned him silently, gaining a nod of approval as Harry exited the theater in a rush. 

The second he exited the room that was beginning to become overly stuffy and constricting, he took a deep breath and told himself you’re probably just overreacting. 

Harry was anywhere from overreacting. It was that exact moment that he had received a text that was pushed through do not disturb. The text was from his mum and read nothing but horrible news. The five words that found themselves on his screen that illuminated his face as he stood right next to the door called him a coward. They read: This contact has dialed 999.

Harry understood the severity of the situation but he didn’t know what to do. All he knew is that she called- he didn’t know why or where she was. He didn’t know if he had to book a flight back home or not. 

Just as Harry was getting up and leaving for his own agenda, you had finished your solo. You looked up once again, hearing the applause and searching for Harry once more. But this time, you found Louis sat alone with a large grin creeping across his face and his applause filling the space next to him. 

You had never felt as hurt as you did in that moment. He had left you. Harry, the man you now realized you love, found something more important than you and your aspirations, and there was no physical way that it wouldn’t sting. What you didn’t know was that as your heart was breaking, Harry’s mum’s was. 

//

It had taken two hours for someone to answer the phone. Two hours for Harry to spend most of his savings on a red eye to the London airport. Ten hours for him to touch down in London. Three to make his way to the hospital next to his childhood home. 

He was distraught to say the least. 

He had left without mention of what was happening, his phone exploding with texts from Louis and Monica making sure he was okay, but not a word from you. He felt betrayed, but he understood. You had things going on too and he wasn’t the center of your universe. 

The hospital looked sterile, not a single thing out of place. The walls were coated in a pristine white color that nearly blinded Harry’s bloodshot eyes, and he spent a few minutes catching his breath before he asked where his dad was. 

He walked sluggishly onto the elevator, the weight of reality crushing him as he waited for what seemed like ages but really was hardly forty seconds for the elevator to jolt to a stop. When it stepped off, he saw what he imagined to be organized chaos.

People were walking quickly up and down the lengths of the corridor and he found himself passing by far too many crying people to think anything good could ever happen in a hospital- not revival nor birth. 

He walked the length of the corridor in silence, taking in his surroundings. He was in shock- he could hardly even process that he was in England, let alone why he was there. It was only when he stopped shortly at the sight of his mum and sister sleeping, their heads resting on each other's, that he realized the severity of what was happening. 

And so, with a deep breath, he sat down on the floor before them, resting his back lightly against the leg chairs and he rested his forehead on his knees. It didn’t seem like his life that he was living- he felt like this was all a vivid dream, but it wasn’t. It was less than twenty four hours ago that he was with Louis watching your performance and now he sat with his family outside of his father's hospital room praying he would be okay. 

Harry was one of hopeful thinking and that was made apparent when a doctor exited his father's room with a stack of papers.

Harry was the first to stand, followed by his mother and sister, who were unsure of when he had arrived. He shook hands with the doctor, who he learned was named doctor Wilson. He was clad in the same scrubs as every other doctor but Harry found his to be a special type of unattractive- or maybe that was his subconscious distracting himself from the situation at hand. 

Doctor Wilson cleared his throat as Anne made her way next to Harry, Gemma shielding herself from the news from behind him, “So,” he cleared his throat “Mr. Styles came in about a year ago to have his lungs screened, as you may know, and he was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer,” he nodded. 

“Well, Mr. Styles seems to have,” he left a pregnant pause in his sentence, “He seems to have the cancer cells spreading rapidly. We would like to put him on a self contained respirator and monitor him closely to give you some more accurate information about his cancer and give you some answers within a few hours,” he says slowly. 

Harry shook his head in disbelief- his father had never mentioned cancer let alone a screening. 

“Thank you doctor,” he heard Anne speak from behind him. He sent a last glance at the broken family and moved back into the room. 

//

It was the first you had heard from him in about half a week. He had called you on Wednesday after not answering your messages asking if he will make his way over on Monday for your movie night. 

“Hi,” you answer softly. 

“Hey- uh,” you heard some shuffling, “Hey.”

Your eyes furrowed in confusion, “Are you coming over?” 

There was a long pause on Harry’s end and you just about opened your mouth to confirm that he could hear you when he replied, “No,” he said shortly. “I- uh- I’m at home.”

“Do you want me to come over?” you asked in confusion.

“No, like, I’m in the UK,” he quickly corrected you.

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, leaving a pregnant pause on your end, “Oh,” you replied. 

“Yeah, I-” you could hear a few other voices in the background and you imagined they were his mum and sister, “My dad- he’s not doing so good. He has stage four lung cancer.”

“Oh,” you let out again. “I- uh- sorry, I really just don’t know what to say right now.”

Harry let out a breathy chuckle, which you could tell had bitter undertones, “That’s alright… don’t exactly know what to say myself.”

“I- uh- I’m really sorry,” you tell him sincerely, “God I feel like such an ass,” you expressed. 

Harry’s eyes furrowed in confusion and he looked up at his mum to ensure she wasn’t listening, “No need, I promise it’s fine you don’t have to say anything.”

“I just- I was so mad at you for leaving and not saying anything and ignoring me. Thought I did something wrong or you were mad at me,” you explain. “Didn’t know what was going on and I was scared that I lost you.”

“Couldn’t lose me if you tried,” Harry laughed softly, you joining his laughter momentarily. 

“Are you still mad I didn’t tell you I was going?” Harry asked after a long moment of silence.

“No- not at all. Was mainly just worried,” you reassure him, “I totally understand,” but you didn’t. How could he not tell you? Did he not think you deserved to know why he left when you were playing for him?

“I’m really sorry. Kinda just fell off the face of the Earth for a few days. Was anticipating the news and trying to stay strong for my mum and Gemma,” he explains. 

Before you could reply, Harry starts again, “Hey, uh, we’re going back to the hospital so I’ll talk to you later, alright?” he says quickly before hanging up and leaving you alone in your study, clarinet in front of you. 

You truly didn’t know how to cope with what just happened- it felt like heartbreak on two spectrums- family and lover. But he was neither, which hurt even more. 

You picked up the piece of handcrafted wood that sat in front of you and tried your hardest to pour your heartbreak into the piece- adding pain, edge, and suffering to the nearly- done piece in an attempt to exert your feelings into something productive. 

It worked like a charm, which was something you felt bad mentioning. You found yourself falling in love with the piece, fractures of your heart making up every line and the composition falling right into place as your muse fell right apart across the world.

It was the next morning when you received the message from Harry: He’s gone. In his sleep. I’ll be home in a week. Gotta sort some things out. -H

//

Harry arrived home that following Tuesday and he was exhausted but grateful to be back to his tiny townhouse in the middle of a city with his friends surrounding him. 

He felt as though coping wasn’t an option anymore- he had taken up a whole week for that and in this moment in time he felt as though he had already done enough coping. 

There was a memorial service the weekend after his father died and to say Harry’s family were crushed would be an understatement. 

Anne, Gemma, and Harry each had prepared a speech for the service and none of them felt as though they could do the senior Styles any justice. He was a good man and they couldn’t even begin to explain that to everyone there. Nobody could understand the pain in the same way as they did, so they did their best to remember him in the best light. 

Harry was mainly happy for one thing- the following day was Wednesday. He had taken off the rest of the week so he could recover from any jet lag and start the new week back with a fresh start, so he knew that tomorrow would be a great day to catch up. With work and with you.

He hadn’t seen a single person since he was back but upholding the tradition was important to him. He favored you over most all his friends anyway, so when he parked his old car in the driveway of the large house you inherited from your grandparents, he was excited. 

He knocked twice and rang your doorbell once,queuing you to open the door in shock less than a minute after. “What are you doing here?” you ask confused, pulling Harry into a long hug. You had missed him on his ten days of abstinence from you. 

“Got back yesterday, can’t skip out on tradition,” he shoots you a smile, letting go of your warm embrace. You took a moment to look at him before deciding he wanted a distraction from everything going on in his life. 

You open the door further, beckoning him to come in, “Well come on, I need your opinion on my piece,” you gesture towards your office dramatically. 

Harry chuckles and bows in thanks, “After you,” he says with a posh accent. 

You both laugh, heading inside to where your things were set up and ready to go. He sat down in the same chair as he always does and you round the desk to sit where your clarinet was standing and your manuscript laid. 

“Okay, so I added, kind of a lot, while you were gone,” you warm him. 

He nodded and gestured for you to play, “Well go on then. Show me what you added,” he crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. 

You glanced at Harry and your music a few times each in an attempt to correlate the two in your mind- this was your Harry and he would never hurt you. You began to play the piece that you had become sickly familiar with but Harry found himself utterly perplexed at the sound of a new beginning. You had nearly changed the entire beginning and Harry loved it.

He found it to be oddly comforting to listen to you for what felt like the first time ever but in reality it was just another sense of stability in the world you two had created- the world that was exclusively Harry and Y/N. 

The moment you reached the end, a bit he had helped you with, you found yourself stumbling over your composition, making Harry's brow furrow together. You were a perfectionist when it came to music- you loved the control that came with being able to play flawlessly and change how it all came together and he found it odd that you of all people were messing up something you had written in for weeks. 

“Sorry,” you let out a huff, running a hand through your hair, “I’m really stressed and it’s really making this all worse.”

Harry nodded in understanding, “You should take a break,” he tells you with full seriousness. 

You look at him with a blank face for a moment before bursting out into laughter, “You can’t be serious.”

Harry looked at you confused, “I’m serious.”

“Harry this is my job. This is equivalent to me getting a promotion. I can’t stop!” you explain harshly.

Harry nodded, “I understand. Just-” he paused, “Just come with me, okay?” 

“No, Harry, I can't, I have to do this,” you stood your ground. 

“Y/N,” he spoke firmly, “If you hate this and want to kick me out for a week and let you compose on your own after this, you can. Just come.”

You let out a sigh and deliberated your options, “Fine. But there is a high chance you’re not showing up at my door for a week,” you point an accusatory finger at Harry.

He raises his hands in defense, “Okay, noted. Let’s go slowpoke,” he teased. 

You flashed him your middle finger and a toothy grin before packing up your clarinet and setting it on your desk. You follow Harry out to his car and get in the passenger seat as he starts the car and makes his way out of your neighborhood. 

“Can I ask where we are going?” 

“Patience is a virtue,” Harry replied, making you roll your eyes dramatically. 

“You’re so annoying,” you reply. 

“You love me,” he states smugly, making your eyes grow the size of saucers. 

“Not right now I don’t” you tease once you recover from your previous state of shock. 

Harry shakes his head and says, “Home Depot. That’s all you’re getting out of me.”

You wondered why he could be taking you to Home Depot of all places- not getting food or going shopping to find another piece of clothing you don’t need. 

Harry parked easily before exiting the car, you follow after him in a haste. You have to job to catch up with Harry who seems to be walking a mile a minute to get into the building, “What the fuck are we doing here?” you ask again. 

“We,” Harry says, pointing at the two of you, “Are going to paint that white wall in your office,” he says with a smile.

Your face mirrors his, a grin of your own making its way across your face. You had mentioned to Harry months ago that you were itching to paint the room but you never made the time for yourself to do that. 

This time, it was you who took the lead, teasing Harry for taking too long to make his way into the store. You find your way to the back of the store where you see a few employees mixing paint for customers and you find your way to the pantone swatches, Harry immediately picking up a brown one, “I think it’ll match the wood, no?” 

You laugh and shake your head, “No I want it to be your hair color.”

Harry’s mouth opens in realization before grabbing another strip. He squints, reading the name aloud, “Werge,” he says confused. 

You fall into a fit of laughter before moving down the wall to look at the blues, the color you were actually hoping to get. 

With Harry’s unwillingness to be serious and your contagious laughs, it took you forty five minutes to find the color you had seen online a few months ago and had screenshotted on your phone. 

You make your way over to an employee and ask for a gallon of the deep navy color, paying and making your way back into Harry’s car within a few minutes. 

Your knee was bouncing in anticipation on your way home and you didn’t realize until Harry rested his palm on it, asking you, “What’s got you so nervous?” to which you reply:

“Not nervous, just excited.”

Harry chuckled and kept his hand there for the rest of the ride to your house, which you found to be far too close then you wanted it to be. 

You both found yourselves in your garage loading your arms with painters tape and tarp to ensure your room is painted to perfection and not too messy afterwards. 

You spilled some paint into the tray and used a roller to begin putting the fresh paint on the middle of the wall. Harry gasps when he sees the color in contrast with the wood that covered every other wall in the room, “It matches so well,” he comments, using a smaller brush to begin on the bottom strip of the wall where the painters tape stuck.

He sat on the floor, his legs crossed beneath him, and you stood a few feet to his left, the paint sitting between the two of you. 

You nod, “I know, it compliments the wood really well.”

Harry shakes his head, “Not the wood. I meant it matches my eyes,” he draws out. 

You roll your eyes and let out a shut up before looking at him. 

“Seriously,” he persists, setting his head next to the gallon that sat on the floor. 

You raised your eyebrows and nodded slowly, dipping your roller back onto the tray, allowing the residue to fall off before you rolled a bit on his face and shirt. 

“What the fuck?” he laughs, sitting up immediately. 

“I had to check!” you exclaim innocently. “You know, now that I look, I think you’re right. It does match, we should use more,” you conclude. 

“Now that I look,” Harry starts, with an evil glint in his eye, “I think this is the color your shirt is missing,” he concludes, flinging his brush in your direction allowing the paint to fall on your face and shirt. 

“Oh my god!” you shout as Harry doubles over in laughter.

You bring your brush into the paint once more, taking a threatening step towards Harry. He flinches, making you chuckle and redirect the paint onto the wall again, making him breathe a sigh of relief. 

He begins again on the bottom edge and before you could think you're safe, Harry gets paint on your ankle from where he sat on the floor. 

You let out a loud gasp, “This is war!” you exclaim. 

“Or you can just admit that you needed a break,” Harry shrugs, “It’s quite simple.”

You narrow your eyes and look at him, “I am going to cover you in paint. It’s quite simple,” you mock him childishly. 

He shakes his head with a laugh before painting the rest of your ankle, making a ring around your foot. 

It had taken two hours to complete painting the wall and to complete your paint war. You and Harry found yourselves in your backyard while your sprinklers were spraying the grass. 

“Best way to clean,” Harry breathed out. 

“You say you’re one with nature but what are you going to say when my grass is blue?” you ask him as you scrub at your legs to get off the paint. 

“I’ll say part of me is really with nature this time,” he says shaking the water out of his hair as he walks towards the hose that was attached to the side of your house. 

You shake your head in disbelief, “I don’t think that’s how it works,” you say, looking at Harry as he walks towards you with the hose gushing water out. 

You step towards him and let him spray you down and you watch as the paint falls off your skin and into the grass, your shirt clinging to your body. 

Harry tries to keep his attention on your face and not on the black bra that begins to show from your wet shirt that stuck to your body like a second skin. 

You fiddled with the fit of your shirt, trying to make sure you were comfortable, before scrubbing your arms and legs clean. 

Harry and you had decided after the first hit that you would do your best to avoid each other's faces just to make everything easier when it came to cleaning. 

You rinse your hair fully before deciding you're as clean as you’d get without using a proper shower (which you didn’t want to turn blue from the paint), so you stepped towards Harry with your arm extended towards him. 

“My turn,” Harry says softly, handing you the hose before spreading his arms out and letting the water hit his entire body, “This feels nice,” he comments. 

“You’re crazy,” you reply. Harry shakes his head and takes his shirt off in an attempt to get everything off and you almost look away instinctively- you weren’t supposed to see your friend like this. 

He allows the pressure of the hose to get most of the paint off his body but he seems a bit carefree about the cleanliness of his body at this point- you’re assuming this is the distraction you both needed from your mundane lives. 

Harry finishes off with the hose and you run inside to grab the two of you towels, opting to stay outside for the rest of the night. 

You both sit outside on the back porch swing that sat in your yard, wrapped in towels so you don’t get too cold in the autumn air. “You were right,” you mutter, leaning your head onto his shoulder. 

“About?” Harry edges you on and you can practically hear him smiling through his words. 

“I needed a break.”

//

What felt like a year was only two months and in those two months you had accomplished what you had been attempting since eighteen. You finished what seemed to be the perfect piece from a technical standpoint. 

It told a story of betrayal and heartbreak and it included a plethora of twists in tone and changes in tempo and unresolved keys to add edge and lead the listener on. The piece, in theory, was among the most perfect ones written. 

At least that's what Harry told you and that's what you tried to tell yourself. 

You had just finished the process of getting it all recorded, recruiting some of your friends from the orchestra to take home your manuscript that you wrote in harmonies and new melodies to. 

You spent a week editing the music together, sending recordings back, asking for retakes, and adjusting volumes, tempos, and tone before you were satisfied with the music. 

All in all, it was a musically complex and fundamentally difficult piece that could be extended into a show or turned into a series of simpler solos- whatever would get your music sold to a publisher, you were willing to do. 

You had contacts from your previous attempts at selling your compositions, contacts that rejected you but told you to come back if you had something new. You did not take the suggestion lightly. 

You had mastered an email with your pitch- stating your name and your credentials, attaching a file of the piece, along with the score which separated individual parts and showed their dynamic together. It was your life's work and a story you were excited to sell, and that is why you were particularly excited when you received an email back the following week.

The email, in short, explained that a publisher would like to meet with you and is interested in helping you publish the music and help you get on the radar of a symphonic orchestra. 

You were a giddy mess leading up to your meeting, your leg shaking in anticipation and your heart beating so loud you swear you could feel it in your throat. So, when it arrived it felt surreal. 

You stepped into the tall building in a haze, your hands clutching onto your score and your body clad in your favorite orchestral dress that you find to be the one you wear to the majority of your auditions. You call it your good luck charm. 

The receptionist was short and directed you to the fifth floor and gave you strict instructions to wait to be called in by Flynn Bradford’s assistant. You sat in the waiting room with a warm overcoat covering your body in the meantime. 

When you got called up your hands began to sweat. You find your way into Bradford’s office and with a nervous step forward, you take your jacket off and sit down on the small chair before his desk.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you introduce yourself with a handshake, Bradford immediately recognizing your name. 

“Flynn Bradford, a pleasure,” he returns with a friendly smile. 

He was a middle aged man with a few silver hairs peeking through, but he wore a friendly smile and seemed very composed nonetheless. He took your score and opened it immediately. He looked over it in silence for a few moments, you sitting on the edge of your seat. 

“I do have to say, Ms. Y/L/N, I was waiting to meet you so I could go over this with you. I think you’re a brilliant composer,” he speaks slowly. 

You swallow harshly, “Thank you so much,” you gush, “I’ve been at it since I was a kid so I’m glad you liked it.”

He nods again, sifting through the pages, “And I have to say I’m impressed by the tone in the demo and the overall markup of the piece. I think there are a few minor changes that we’d like to see done but all in all I think it’s good.”

You nod your head quickly, “Of course and I was expecting to do so. I- uh- how many changes are we thinking about here?”

“Well it’s still your piece, so quite minor ones just to increase your chances of having it sold to a school or a symphony. Or, you could keep it how it is but that might not be the easiest to sell.”

“Right, so hypothetically, if I get all the changes done and we’re satisfied within a few weeks, it can go off to you?” you ask in shock.

“It seems to be that way, yes. I’ll send you a contract and some markups once I get to talk with my team about this. It would be best to get your own lawyer to look over this for copyright purposes and to make sure you’re alright with all the fine print,” he advises. 

“Yes, I will definitely do that, yeah. Thank you so much,” you reiterate. 

He hums a reply and hands you back your score with a tight lipped smile, “So this meeting was a bit quicker and the other might be too depending on what you like and want. Remember all the corrections we send are suggestions so you do what you want and we’ll be alright with whatever you choose to do,” he reminds you. 

You nod and shake his hand once more, leaving the building with bright eyes and a winning score in your hands. 

The first instinct you had as you sat back into your car was to call Harry but you were so overwhelmed with excitement you decided that going to see him at his house would be a better idea. 

After all, he deserved to be the first person to know because he helped you so much when it came to the composition of this piece. 

You were smiling incredibly wide as you made your way over to his townhouse in the city. His complex was very modern, a clear juxtaposition to your victorian styled home, but you welcomed it warmly. You enjoyed the prospect of having a place to go that is more minimal in comparison to your cluttered property. 

It was hardly fifteen minutes before you parked outside of his home, your car finding its normal spot in the driveway of his garage. 

Your legs carried you faster than you could have imagined, rushing you to the front of his house and your hand pounded against his door with a sense of urgency.

Harry took his time making his way downstairs, a towel around his waist and an impatient girl he had hardly met waited in his bed upstairs. 

He opened his door slightly, allowing his head to peek out of the small crack he created, “Hey!” he exclaimed when he realized it was you. 

“Hi! Can I come in?” you ask excitedly. 

“I’m not exactly decent,” his hand scratches the back of his neck, “Can you wait down here as I get some clothes on?” 

“Sure, take your time,” you nod in understanding, allowing Harry to make his way back upstairs. 

“Who’s at the door?” the girl asks from her spot on his bed as Harry changes quickly into some sweatpants and an old t-shirt. 

“Just a friend, she should be gone soon,” he replies. 

“You sure? She seemed really excited to see you.”

Harry lets out a sigh, “Logan, I promise she's just a friend. And what does it matter anyway?”

“Well I don't want to be the other woman,” she pouts, “But if you say she’s just a friend then I believe you.”

“Thanks,” he called over his shoulder briefly as he made his way back downstairs to where you were waiting on his sofa. 

“So whats up?” he asks, “Want anything to drink?”

“No, I’m alright. I have some news, though,” you say, enthusiasm raising once again. 

“Okay, lay it on me,” Harry joins you on the sofa. 

“So I met with Flynn Bradford today,” you lead on, hoping Harry could understand what the news was. 

“No way,” he exclaimed after a moment of silence. “He picked you up? That’s amazing holy shit! Congrats!” 

“Thanks! You helped so much, I thought you had to be the first to know. And on Wednesday you can help me decide what corrections to add, too. This is all so exciting! It’s happening so fast!” you ramble quickly, standing up and pulling Harry into a hug. 

“No you did that all on your own! I knew they’d pick you up, too. So fucking talented,” he mumbles, returning your embrace. 

“Thank you oh my goodness! Okay, I just wanted to come over quick to tell you that. I have to work on some audition music so I’ll head out in a few,” you say. 

Harry opens his mouth to reply when you both hear his bedroom door open. Harry’s eyes widened in realization and your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Harry?” you hear an unrecognizable voice, “You done?” 

You feel tears begin to well up in your eyes as you start to realize what was happening. He was with someone. He found someone and it wasn’t you. 

She walks down the stairs and your head immediately turns in the direction of the girl. You inhale sharply, trying to keep your tears in the ducts of your eyes as you see her in a t-shirt you know Harry absolutely loves. 

“Hey, uh Logan. This is Y/N,” he trails off lightly, waiting for you to introduce yourself. 

“Hi,” you smile falsely and extend your hand for her to shake. 

“Hey, I’m Logan. You’re Harry’s friend?” she presumes, looking at the two of you. 

“Yeah, we’re pretty close,” you pause, “Sorry, I didn’t know H was seeing anyone. This was kind of unexpected.”

“Oh that’s alright, I was going to leave soon anyway. Have to meet some friends for dinner,” she shrugged carelessly. 

“No, no, you can stay. I feel bad. I can be out in a few minutes,” you tell her with a soft smile.

She looked at you and Harry intervened before she could get a word out, “That’s alright, you can both stay if you want?” he suggested. 

“I really do have to go,” Logan trailed off. 

Harry quickly jumped at this, “Oh! Sorry, love. Yeah, go ahead, don’t mean to keep you here if you need to be somewhere.”

“I’ll just grab my stuff,” she smiles at the two of you and heads back upstairs to where you assume she was staying in Harry’s bedroom.

You and Harry stand in silence for a moment, “Sorry I should’ve asked to come over. I’ll go, you can spend some time with her before she leaves,” you finally stammer with a slightly wavering voice. 

“No!” Harry exclaims a bit too loudly, making you flinch at his tone. “You can stay,” he whispers. 

“That’s alright, I have to practice anyway,” you say in a rush, leaving his house at once without looking back at him.

// 

It was two days later when Logan showed up at Harry’s house with a soft smile on her face and her eyes filled with lust. 

Not only two minutes after Harry opened the door, his lips were on hers and they were making their ways upstairs to his bedroom. Logan had come to Harry’s for a quick fuck and Harry was there to provide. 

It had taken them a few weeks to get into a flow and get a general idea of each others bodys and needs and now that they were getting good sex, they didn’t take many moments to stop and catch their breath. 

There were a few moments, though where Logan knew she fell short of your company. She could tell with a quick glance at Harry that he was a lovesick puppy when it came to you and it became more and more apparent the more time they spent together. 

When they weren’t fucking, he spent most of his free time talking about you. The girl of his dreams and the funniest, prettiest, nicest, person he’s ever met. 

She had her hands in his hair and he had his hands tugging on her waist when his phone began buzzing from his bedside table. 

Logan sat up from where she laid, straddling Harry’s lap. He let out a soft groan and ran and hand through his hair as he checked who had called him.  

His lips fell into an effortless smile as he answered your call, leaving Logan breathless and unfulfilled. She resulted in getting up from his bed and walking out of his house once she realized it was you he was talking to. 

//

That following Monday, you watched as Harry made his way into your home, an uncomfortable silence encompassing the two of you as you sat on your sofa. 

“How was your date with Logan?” you ask eventually. 

“Oh, it was- it wasn’t a date,” Harry tried to describe, leaving you confused. Harry wasn’t one for casual hookups. 

“Then what was it?” you ask timidly, hoping for an answer you can understand. 

“Just meeting an old friend from college,” he coughs. 

“A friend?” you ask confused. 

“Yeah, uh, a friend,” he emphasized. 

“Oh,” you let out softly, “Why’d you get back with her?” you ask. 

“I don’t think the girl I like likes me back, so I wanted a distraction” he replies vaguely, turning on your TV in search of a new film to watch on Netflix.  

You swallow the lump in your throat before replying, “I don’t see why she wouldn’t.”

Harry looks at you for the first time that day, “Well she doesn’t act like it at all, so I think I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me.”

“I think you should tell her how you feel,” you shrug, “What is there to lose?”

“A person who I value a lot in my life,” he replies almost instantly. 

You didn’t reply after that, allowing the film Harry chose in a haze to begin and you sink further into the sofa. 

//

It had been an eventful week. You had sent back your manuscript twice between today and your original week and yesterday you had auditioned for the live orchestra for the annual Nutcracker production. 

This had been your fifth year playing in it- you were very confident in your ability to get a spot in the orchestra- but it was the solo that brought you grief. Every year, each section had a competitive fight between musicians for the solos that are littered through the production. 

You found that the busy week that had followed you around became the main reason you were able to get your mind off Harry. No matter what you did he meandered his way into your thoughts and you were beginning to feel pathetic that your mood relied on him. 

It was when you came home from auditions on Tuesday evening when you got a phone call from Harry. You hesitantly picked up the phone and allowed him to speak first. 

“Y/N? You there? Can you talk for a second?” he asked. 

“Yeah, what’s up,” you reply. 

“I need your advice. I think Logan wants to start seeing someone but she won’t admit it to me so I don’t know what I should do because I don’t want her to hold back on it just because of me,” he pushes quickly. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Well why wouldn’t she admit she wants to see someone? She probably likes you, H, don’t worry. She’ll talk to you if she likes someone else.”

You heard a heavy sigh come from Harry’s end of the line as you picked up all your belongings from your car, your phone sitting between your shoulder and ear. “Yeah, I just- I don’t think she wants to tell me for some reason.”

What you didn’t know was that Harry was trying to prolong this call in an attempt to see if you would tell him to cut it off with Logan. It had only been a few weeks, and to be fair he hadn’t hooked up with her more then three times.

He knew he loved you but he needed confirmation that you liked him back. Logan insisted that you did but he didn’t trust her judgement as much as he trusted his own. 

As you learned through numerous conversations with Harry, he is a charming man, but he is also a confusing one. He isn’t direct and he seems to beat around the bush when it comes to serious things in his life. 

“Okay,” you say, confused, “Well just tell her that if she can’t be honest then she’s never going to be able to break it off with you. And if she says the same thing and you still don’t believe her just cut it off,” you advise selfishly. 

You wanted to help Harry, you truly did, but you were also a human. You were selfish and needy and you wanted Harry to yourself. So, you did what a selfish, and jealous, girl would do and you hinted at breaking it off. 

“Thanks,” he let out a huff of air, “Sorry, I have to sort some stuff out and I’m really stressed so I wanted your opinion about this,” he apologizes. 

“It’s alright. Let me know how it goes, yeah? I gotta run some errands but I’ll see you tomorrow?” you confirm. 

Harry hums in agreement and you hang up first, leaving him with the dial tone on his phone. 

The first thing you do when you get in your office is check your email. You were waiting on a reply from Bradford- you had just sent in another round of corrections and asked him for minor technical critiques to finish off the piece. You were proud of where it was and you were thoroughly in love with it. 

Just as you opened your laptop, you saw the taunting icon saying you have an unread email. You attempted to calm your nerves before opening it, preparing yourself for almost all senders. 

But calming your nerves turned into a loud scream. Bradford had replied and informed you that he loved the piece and accepts it as your final draft. He also mentioned that he will fax over the legal documents to look over before meeting with him officially and signing all the necessary contracts. 

Just as he said, later that night you received a thick stack of papers to sift off to your parents to help you look over and make sure everything was alright for you to sign. 

You bind all the pages together with a few paperclips and make a quick drive into the suburbs to give your parents the good news and ask them to help you find someone to look over all the papers for you. 

Your parents weren’t the most enjoyable people to live with but they were great to see in moderation. It was a large showcase of love every time you or Monica came home- they cooked, cleaned, and helped with just about everything you asked. 

So, when you arrived home, you got the full treatment. Your mom had cooked a nice dinner for you all and your dad helped you look over the contracts in their entirety as you waited for dinner to be served. You deemed the papers safe and the three of you decided you could sign on them as soon as possible and get all the proper licensing. 

You were overjoyed on your drive home and the moment you arrived back, you sent Bradford a quick email from your phone saying you can meet anytime to sign and that you had looked over the contracts. 

The following morning, you had gotten back a response stating he was free later that afternoon and you took him up on his offer to sign on the fine Wednesday. 

You met him back at his office, similar to the first time, and you had brought all the papers he had sent you, giving him a solid rundown of what you were expecting and negotiating royalties. 

You had taken half an hour to settle on a final deal and Bradford had gotten the contracts readjusted for you to sign. 

It was nerve wracking but exciting to be holding the pen in your hand and you signed page after page, ensuring your music could be sold and would be given proper care and proper copyright laws. 

“Last one right here, Y/N,” Bradford encouraged you. Your wrist grew tired but you refused to complain considering how much you wanted this and how long you waited. 

“Okay,” you grunted, signing your name sloppily and allowing Bradford to pull all the papers out from under your hold. 

“So, what this all ensures from our relationship standpoint is that we are the primary distributor and we will be helping with copyright and making sure you get your money's worth,” he briefs with a chuckle. He straightens out the stack and stands up with a smile on his face. 

You follow in suit and stand up at the desk, straightening out your pants, “Thank you so much,” you gush. 

“Thank you for thinking to work with us,” Bradford countered, making you shake your head. 

“Of course,” you say kindly, “And I appreciate all you’ve done for me these past few weeks. Been a huge help.”

“Oh it was our pleasure, Y/N. You're a wonderful artist. I think we all enjoyed working with your piece.”

You shake Bradfords hand and exchange pleasantries as you exit his office with a smile on your face.

It was the rush of relief that went through your body that helped you realize the gravity of what just happened. Your music has been sold and now has the opportunity to be in music shops, orchestras, and played all across the globe. And that was a great feeling. 

It was indescribable, to say the least. It had taken over a year to compose the piece and you had multiple failed attempts prior to this one. The piece you named Domicile was quite literally a love letter to your life. 

The piece went through the ups and downs of love. Domestic love, platonic love, romantic love. It was all encompassed in the piece you titled home. 

Written from the back of your mind, you had no idea how to articulate how proud of yourself you were. It was self expression and it was beautiful. 

Later that evening, Harry arrived at your home as he usually did. He held a small calculator and his laptop in his arm as he abandoned his car in your driveway and made his way up to your door. 

He knocked before opening it, knowing you always forget to lock it when you came home from work, and he followed the noise of soft jazz down the hall and into your office. 

The paint smell had finally vanished the room and he  found you sitting comfortably on the floor with your legs folded beneath you. “Hey, how was your day?” He asks, walking in and sitting across from you on the floor. 

“Really fucking good,” you grin, making eye contact with him. 

“Care to explain?” he asks with wide eyes and an encouraging smile. 

“Yes,” you say dramatically, “I, Y/N Y/L/N, am officially,” you pause for effect. 

“Oh come on,” Harry groans in anticipation. 

“I am officially a signed artist,” you squeal in excitement. 

“No fucking way,” he says softly, “No fucking way!” he yells. “I knew you would oh my goodness! This is amazing! We have to celebrate-” he rambles on. 

“Harry!” you exclaim with a giggle, “No need to celebrate this is enough!” you assure. 

“No, no, no,” Harry says, “We gotta do something. Even if it’s just a dinner with Mon and I. We gotta.”

“No,” you reiterate firmly. 

“Fine,” Harry says, “But you’re coming with me,” he says standing up. He extends his hand out and helps you stand before leading you to your living room. 

He gently tugs your arm towards him and he presses his chest up against yours. “Play it on the speaker, love,” he whispers. 

“Okay,” you say softly, pulling back and using your phone to play the symphony over your speaker system per Harry’s request. 

Harry smiled at you and gently put his hand up to yours, interlocking your fingers and holding you tightly. “Dance with me?” he asks with a cheeky grin. 

“Of course, sir,” you tease, stepping into his hold, his arms wrapping around your waist and your hands draped over his shoulders lightly. 

“I’m really proud of you,” he whispers, swaying back and forth. 

“Thank you so much,” you hum, “Seriously, you helped with so much of it. I really appreciate it.”

Harry ducked his head in a bashful manner, unsure of how to reply to your high praise, “I’d do it again if I had to.” 

You shake your head, looking out the window next to you two. The sun was setting and the sky was a painting of oranges and pinks, “God, Harry.”

“What,” he chuckles, following your gaze.

“I cannot believe you’re real,” you whisper, you hand moving to meet his jaw. You graze your thumb over his skin in utter disbelief. 

“Harry?” you call out softly. He was zoned out, staring at your profile. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Course.”

“Can I kiss you?” you breathe out timidly. You don’t know where exactly you got all the courage that consumed your body at that current moment, but you were thankful for it. 

Harry swallowed thickly before his eyes met yours, “Yes please,” he whispers back at you.

Your hand that rested on his jaw caressed the skin for a moment before you leaned into his warmth. Your lips met his lightly, you pulling away too quickly for his liking. Harry looked at you once more before leaning forward and allowing his lips to meet yours heavily. 

You smile into his mouth, absolute joy coursing through your veins as he kissed you so carefully but so harshly. Your bodies stilled into the kiss, your mouths moving in sync slowly, absorbing every inch of each other. 

Harry lets out a small groan as you grind slowly against him, his head threatening to roll back if it weren’t for your hand holding his head still. 

His hands moved along your back comfortingly making your body melt into his expertly. You pull away again, Harry looking at you with dimmed eyes, you completely out of breath, “Songs over,” you whisper. 

“So restart it,” he replies with a small grin. 

//

Harry ended up seeing the full performance of Midsummer the last night it was performed at the theater. He apologized profusely and insisted he’d see the last of the show if it was the last thing he did, so you let him come and sit right in the front as he wished. 

Just as the first time, he sent you smiles of luck before your solo and a few more afterwards to show he was proud of you. Just as you anticipated, he is the best person to cheer you on during a performance. 

You knew Harry would be waiting for you in the lobby, so you held off on putting your overcoat on and allowed yourself to step out of the backstage area with your black dress and short heels, your clarinet and jacket in hand. 

He held his arm out for you once you became close enough for him to wrap his fingers around your waist and you walked into his hold, “I got something for you,” he tells you. 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” you ask with a smile creeping its way onto your lips. 

Harry smiles at you before handing you the flowers that sat in his other hand. It was an assortment of long stem red roses, what he read to be the traditional rose to give after a performance. 

“Thank you,” you whisper in awe, your eyes meeting his as he looks at you. 

Harry hums in response and tugs you closer to his body before leaving a quick peck on your lips and pulling away just as fast as he approached you. 

You and Harry were confused to say the least. You had both confirmed you liked each other the night you got signed but you found it difficult for the two of you to label what was going on. Harry wanted it to be exclusive and you wanted to give it a trial run to see how it would work. And though you did give it a trial run, the two of you were yet to discuss what was going on. 

You assumed this would be like any other relationship you had been in- after a few months and a handful of dates, you’d consider yourselves partners- but this was vastly different. You have known Harry for a few years now and he has always been a part of your life. So what counted as a date and what was as normal?

Well, tonight constituted a date. Harry had told you before he arrived that he would be taking you out for a nice dinner after your show and to be ready for the best night of your life. You rolled your eyes at his antics and humored him by showing him the outfit you had picked out- the dress you found yourself wearing every Sunday- and a different jacket then you usually wore- this one more flattering for the body.

Harry nodded in approval at this and made his way to the theater, you asking one of your friends to give you a ride so you could go home with Harry later that night. 

Now you sat in Harry’s car with his hand resting on your knee, your hand covering his as he drives you both to dinner. He was clad in the same suit he wore the first time he saw you and it subtly matched the black dress and white coat with pleats that you wore next to him.

Harry informed you when you got in the car that he would be taking you to his favorite (fancy) steakhouse in the next city over. Before you could protest her told you it was in celebration of your final performance and being signed, therefore your protests would only further encourage him. 

“Will these flowers be alright sitting in the car during dinner?” you ask him.

“Not sure,” he chuckles, looking over at you, “I’ll get you new ones if they aren’t.”

“No!” you’re quick to stop him, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Well what if I want to? You gonna stop me from fulfilling my inner desires?” he asks you teasingly. 

You roll your eyes at him and look out the window. The soft sounds of Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac fill the silence as Harry exits the highway and turns into the parking lot of Del Friscos, the steakhouse. 

Harry exits the car first, rushing to your door so he can open the door for you. You smile at him as you step out of the car and walk in the building hand in hand.

The restaurant was dimly lit and had high, round booths around the perimeter of the room, tables with pristine white tablecloths among the center. Harry met the host with a small smile and a, “Styles, party of two,” before being led to a corner booth with you in toe. 

You smile at Harry as you slide into the booth, your hands making their way to the hem of your dress and tugging on it, “This place is really nice,” you comment your voice laced with insecurity. 

“Yup, that’s why we look really nice,” Harry reminds you.

“I feel like this is normal,” you chuckle, “I wear this every Sunday.”

“My girl looks this nice every Sunday and I never knew? Might have to make a pit stop Sunday nights too,” Harry compliments. 

You feel the heat rush to your cheeks, “I’d be alright with that.” 

Harry smiles at you as a waitress comes over and asks what drinks you’d like. 

The dinner was filling and well-made, you found yourself laughing harder than you ever had and eating the best food you’ve had in awhile. 

Harry held your hand as you left the steakhouse and he opened the passenger seat door for you, rushing to the other side to turn the heater on for you, “One more stop before I bring ya home,” Harry tells you. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “Alright, where?” 

“Oh, Y/N, you should know by now that if I don’t tell you it’s a secret!” 

“Well it was worth a try,” you shoot him a smile, your hand finding its place in his. 

Harry hums in agreement, “Just know if I want you to know, you’ll know.”

You let out a laugh at his stubbornness, “Alright sir,” you say in a posh accent. 

Harry lets out an exaggerated hey before saying, “That’s what I sound like when I talk to my boss.

You burst out in laughter and Harry goes on to tell you an embarrassing story from the first time he met his boss. 

When Harry’s car reverses into a spot, your eyes shoot up in surprise at your arrival at the hardly-built riverwalk in your town. It was a new location and half the restaurants were still in the process of being built but it was still a nice place to go. 

You catch the door before Harry can, you send him a smug smile and take his hand as he tugs you gently towards the ice cream shop he seemed to be eyeing. 

The location was dimly lit with blue tinted lights and a few wall sconces that gave a warm orange glow. 

“How did you know I wanted to come here?” you asked him finally, coming to a stop and stepping inside the building. 

“It’s just about the only thing you’ve talked about for about two months,” Harry teased you with an accusatory finger. 

Your lips curve upwards as you exhale a laugh, “Okay, you got me there.” 

Harry smirks at you as you look at the menu before you, stepping up to the teen worker who looked far too tired to be awake, “Can I get a scoop of chocolate? And he’ll have,” you point at Harry. 

“Uh- I’ll have a scoop of vanilla with graham crumbs please,” Harry gives the worker a cheeky grin and wraps his arm around your waist as you wait for your cones. 

You smile in thanks as Harry pays, heading out of the building almost immediately to be met with a gust of wind and a lit up river beside you. 

Harry stays by your side as you both walk in silence taking in the scenery, eating your ice cream peacefully. It was a really nice way to spend your evening and you found yourselves enjoying each other's presence more than each other's conversation.

“Okay,” you swallow the last bit of your ice cream, “What’s your dream travel destination?” you ask.

Harry's eyebrows raise in amusement, “What, did you look up first date questions?”

You stifle out a laugh, “Maybe, I didn’t know if it would be awkward.” 

Harry lets out an exaggerated, “Ha!” before redirecting you back in the direction of his car, “That’s cute that you care so much.” 

“What and you don’t care?” you tease. 

“I care just not enough to google first day questions,” he pokes your side playfully. 

You laugh out a “Fine!” and redirect the conversation to your performance from earlier that night. 

// 

It was a full week apart from Harry and you were excited to reunite with him. Your week had been full with auditions for different parts in the Nutcracker every day so you found yourself unavailable to spend your Monday and Wednesday with Harry, having little to no time to yourself. 

Now, the following Sunday, the only thing between Harry and yourself was your front door. 

Harry was officially invited to your orchestra’s gala in celebration of completing Midsummer. You both had decided that Harry would arrive promptly two hours before you needed leave and you two would get ready together. 

He was lying down on your bed as you leaned over your bathroom counter in an attempt to perfect your eyeliner, “Don’t know why you bother with that,” you hear him grumble. 

You let out a chuckle and stood back to decide if it was even enough, “Me neither it’s too fucking hard.”

Harry lets out a snort, “That's what she said.”

You rolled your eyes and looked at him through your mirror, “You sure you’re not fifteen?” 

Harry smiles, “You sure The Office is only for fifteen year olds?” he shoots back.

Your face matches his and you lean into the mirror once more to perfect your eyeliner before moving to your closet to change into your dress for the night, prompting Harry to begin getting into his suit as well. 

Today, for the nicer event, you wore a nude dress with navy accents towards the bottom and a leg slit Harry thought made you look absolutely ravishing. And, in perfect coordination, Harry wore a navy suit with a white half-buttoned shirt underneath and his favorite red boots that reminded him of an old western movie you’d watched a few months back. 

He held your hand as you stepped out of your closet and let out a dramatic “Oh damn!” at first sight before spinning you around so he can get a full idea of your outfit. 

You fall into a fit of giggles and collapse into his hold and he sways back and forth, “I really like you,” he whispers.

“Yeah?” you reply with a grin, “I like you a lot back.” 

“Well how lucky am I?” 

“So damn lucky,” you tell him as you let out a silent giggle, “Come on, let's head out.”

The drive to the theater seemed all too short for the both of you. You were sitting in a comfortable silence enjoying each other's company on the way there, stealing a few kisses at a red light or a longing glance while Harry was concentrating on changing lanes during rush hour.

When you arrived at the hotel the gala was held at, you both found your way inside and to the tables that were set up with your names on small place cards. You both sat there in soft chatter as you awaited the arrival of your friends who were to sit at the same table. 

Eventually, you were met with a crowd of people around your table and your voices raised in volume and excitement. It was merely 8:00 when your ears were greeted by the sound of a disconnected microphone. 

“Hello, everyone, I’m Jordan Pennington, the conductor of the Midsummer Night’s Dream orchestra performance and I’m here to recognize each performer for their outstanding work over the course of these past months,” his voice cut through the room like glass. 

Jordan then went on to state each performer and his favorite memory with them through the course of the orchestral production. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” Jordan introduced, an image of you as a baby and you now making their way onto the screen behind him, “Y/N is a strong clarinetist we are blessed to have in our group. She works very hard in the theater and outside and has recently been signed as a composer so I’m hoping I’ll be conducting her work soon,” he paused as people congratulated you. You didn’t publicize your signing, so a lot of people were in shock and impressed. 

“She’s been with us for a while so we have a few good memories with her at this theater but I think everybody's favorite is just about any time Y/N brings lunch,” he pauses as everyone starts laughing. You bury your face in your hands as Harry looks at you with a confused smile.

“When Y/N brings lunch she without fail trips on one of the steps and spills something,” Jordan informs. You let out an exaggerated groan, eliciting more laughter and Harry covers his mouth in an attempt to stifle his laughter. 

“Can we move on?” you call out.

Jordan lets out a laugh and obliges, moving onto the next person on his list.

You glance at Harry who is taking a sip of wine and you raise your eyebrows at him, making him nearly spit out his drink, “Sorry, love,” he coughs out, bringing you in for a hug, “Just sounds so much like you it’s impossible,” he tells you. 

You roll your eyes at him and continue to listen as Jordan goes through the rest of your orchestra. 

When he finishes, your food is devoured and the middle of the room is opened to allow people to dance. You glance at Harry and take his hand, reminding him of the night you first kissed, “Come on,” you mutter. 

He allows you to take him to the center of the room where some of your colleagues have begun to conglomerate and dance slowly to the tune of Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud, you two joining in the mass.

Unlike last time, you knew exactly how to act, your arms immediately finding a home around his shoulders and pulling him close so your flesh is against his. 

Harry smiled at this and squeezed you at the waist as a silent way of saying I love you, his head leaning in towards yours and your foreheads resting against each other. 

“How is it that we always end up dancing?” he asks you. 

“Not sure, I was never good at it either but here I am,” you chuckle a reply. 

Harry’s eyes shoot up in disbelief, “There is no way you weren’t a good dancer.”

“Swear on it,” you say, your lips tugging upwards to make a smile. 

“No. I refuse to believe that, you’re so good,” he says, his eyes shooting down to your feet and then back up to your eyes making you giggle. 

“Nope,” you say confidently, “Just found you and you were good. By association I’m good.”

“So what you’re saying is you found the right partner?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You fall into a full belly laugh at his antics before agreeing, “I found the right partner.”

[vintagegoddess12]

Migraine Moments

Part 1

Relationship: Sarah Paulson x Reader

A/N: This is a fic no one asked for. Yes, I wrote this while I’m having a migraine. Yes, this isvmulti-part. This was supposed to be a one-shot but as I was writing, the longer it got that I have to divide it into parts. If you have some requests for a fic/imagines/headcanons, just hit me up!

It was a sunny afternoon at the Los Angeles International Airport when Sarah Paulson's flight touched down. The busy terminal is filled with people yet the paparazzi stuck out like a sore thumb with their high definition cameras and recorders in the full view, ready to pounce when some celebrities arrived. She took one of her luggage from the conveyor belt before her personal assistant insisted that they take care of it. 

She remained standing near the belt, waiting for the signal that it's good to go outside. Another full week of press junkets and hotel room service waiting for her. 

"You eventually have to take it off," she hears from a distant conversation, not fully paying attention. "I will," the voiced that replied sounded familiar so she turned around to see who it was. [y/n]. Now, Sarah understands fashion. The sparkly, big dresses and the glam of it all but the one thing she'll never get is how a pair of jeans, plain black shirt, and shades can make you look so stunning. Stunning enough to make her hold breath. She quickly brushed the thought when she noticed you have spotted her. A small smile formed on your lips and approached her, planting a kiss on both her cheeks. "When did you land?" You asked your movie co-star. "Just a few minutes before you," she replied. "You look amazing." You gave her a flirtatious smile before replying, "all for you, darling." Sarah felt a blush form in her cheeks. This is how it's always been between the two of you. Flirty banters and witty repartee. She knows it's all in the name of having a good time but that doesn't stop the butterflies in her stomach or the tingle she feels in certain places sometimes.

"Okay," the road manager took both of your attention. "There is press waiting outside, probably some fans. You just have to give them a quick snapshot then we'll be heading for the hotel." Your eyes remained fixed on the floor all throughout the orientation, which your co-star did not fail to notice. The bright lights of LAX are not helping with your migraine. It started when you were on the plane, minutes before the take-off from New York. Your manager insisted that you push through the interviews today but the pain behind your eyes is telling you otherwise. So here you are, spacing out in the middle of LAX with a sea of reporters. To be honest, the only thing that's grounding you is the distinct sweet smell of your friend Sarah. "...save all statements for the first round of interviews later," the road manager tapped your shoulder to make sure you were listening. You simply gave them a thumbs up. --- "OH MY GOD SARAH!" Several of the fans screamed the moment her silhouette reached their line of sight. Not soon after, you can hear the flashing of cameras. "[Y/N], look here!" The photographers bellowed. "Here!" "Smile here, ladies." "Give us a smile here." You winced behind the shades you're wearing. Everything is just too loud. You continued walking until you heard the blonde actress chuckled behind you. "They really love screaming our names, don't they?" "I love screaming your name," you quipped. Both of you paused for a while, clearly taken aback by your response. "You know? 'Cause I'm a fan," you immediately added. To relieve the tension, you ended the statement with a laugh. You continued walking while internally screaming. If you weren't in literal pain right now, you'll be a lot better at filtering your words. Sarah, however, remained frozen for a split second. The idea of you screaming - moaning - her name danced around her head. These scenarios only come to her in the comfort of her bed, in the middle of the night. She gulped, evidently trying to ignore the heat roaming her body. The LA heat is not helping the agonizing rush of blood to her center. Your road manager instructed to stop in front of the cameras for a quick photograph. Sarah quickly positioned herself on your left, keeping a respectable distance. Her publicist, who was with the crew ahead, immediately pushed the two of you together. "This is better for the camera." She then moved out of the way. Better for camera, my ass. They know about your lingering feelings for the blonde. She was, after all, all you can talk about in when you’re with them. This is just them pushing you to admit it to her. If you can take a guess, they probably have bets about it. 

Both of you posed for a good 3 minutes when your ride arrives. You bid goodbye to the fans, who were still ecstatic to see their idols, just before you drove away. --- Upon checking into your hotel, the sweet relief of a bed awaits you. The pain in your head remains throbbing. As you were making your way out of the elevator, your publicist reminds you of your schedule. 7 days of promoting the movie. "Make them love it," the very first of many reminders reached your ears. "Make them love you," you scoffed at the idea but you know this is the norm. "Make them love her." Make love with her. Wait! What? "You got that?" Your publicist reiterated. "Loud and clear," you offered a weak smile. It's hard managing a proper conversation with the pain not going away. You swiped your keycard once you reached your room. 1223. The door opened and you can immediately smell the classic hotel mist - freshly cleaned bed sheets and curtains. You began to relax until you noticed something different - a distinct sweet smell of someone so familiar. You entered the room only to be greeted by a certain blonde. In the room. Where you will be sleeping. "Hey, [y/n]!" You winced at her loud greeting. "Hi!" You turned to your publicist, who already knows what you're about to ask. "The production decided that it would be easier to control the paparazzi if we're guarding only one room," they explained rather rapidly. "We'll leave you, ladies." They then closed the door upon leaving. "Oh!" was all you could say. You looked into the room and saw her expectant smile. How can you feel bad when that's what you'll see in the morning? For a whole week? You turned to her and muster the biggest smile you can, despite the killing headache, and said, "So, it's a sleepover."

[ohpretty-baby]

midnight cereal

⇥pairing: jeon jungkook x reader ; established relationship

⇥synopsis: “it’s a little too late for breakfast” ; aka jungkook realizes that it’s the little things that makes him fall deeper for you

⇥genre: f l u f f

⇥warnings: cursing

⇥word count: 3.5k

i promise i’m not dead haha online schooling is just a pain

i’m working on some more fics i promise !! anyway here’s a gguk oneshot bc i thought abt it randomly when i was watching tv and eating cereal as a late night snack (creative, right?)

if you’re reading this, i love you! stay safe, healthy, and happy always <3

It’s wasn’t your looks that attracted Jungkook. It wasn’t the way your hair framed your face perfectly, or the way your smile made his world turn into deep shades of pink. Nor was it the way your eyes always seemed to twinkle when you looked at him, or how your body fit perfectly in his embrace.

In fact, none of your physical characteristics really mattered to Jungkook. He loved them all, inside and out, with his whole heart, but they weren’t even his favorite parts about you.

When asked: “What do you love most about your partner?” by his fans or the MC host on the show his band was guest starring on, he would find himself drawing a blank. Although he could list almost everything about you (he knew you like the back of his hand, and vice versa), he wasn’t entirely sure what he loved most about you.

In response, he’d just give a big grin and say that he just loved you for you. Everyone would coo at his answer, and the even bigger grin he flashed showed to the audience that he was satisfied with his own words.

But, in reality, he’d often spend the rest of the day figuring out how to answer the question. He’d stare at whatever his eyes could land on and just list every single thing about you in order to figure out what was his favorite.

He’d think about how you’d always subconsciously snuggle into him while you were sleeping, or how you’d always look so focused and adamant on beating him in Mario Kart, even though you both know that he would win at the very last minute.

He always got the blue shell, after all.

He thought about how you always looked amazing in whatever you wore, whether it be a velvet cocktail dress that emphasized your body perfectly or just his hoodie and that old pair of sweatpants you always wore even though there were a few holes here and there.

He’d remember all the times you surprised him by taking him out on a date, even though he knows that he’s supposed to do that for you. He’d also remember you always telling him not to worry about such things and that you should be allowed to spoil him sometimes too.

Then he’d reminisce on how ecstatic you’d look when he bought you anything. Whether it was a simple keychain from a tourist attraction or an elegant necklace from a designer brand neither of you could pronounce, he’d always be showered in your kisses of gratitude when he gave you gifts.

The first time he gave you a gift, it wasn’t anything special.

Well, to him, it wasn’t.

In fact, he was quite disappointed in himself for his poor choosing and his procrastination. He was about to come home from a world tour, and he wanted to get you souvenirs from almost every single country they went to. Unfortunately, they were so busy that he couldn’t get you all the things he wanted to. Even in the airports, he couldn’t go to the gift shops because he might be tackled by a fan. And when they were able to rest for a few days, Jungkook found himself passing out right after their concerts.

He eventually realized the error of his ways, and tried his best to get gifts in the last countries they were performing in.

As a result, he settled for a nice pen from Japan, a tacky white shirt with the classic slogan “I Love New York”, and matching bracelets from a tourist shop that was from somewhere. To this day he still couldn’t remember what country or state he got those bracelets in.

On the last day, the plane ride home was quite a sad scene. Jungkook’s eyes welled up with tears as his nose, cheeks and the tips of his ears were stained with blotchy tints of red. He rubbed his eyes profusely, trying not to sniffle or sob too loud.

“Shit, Kook, you okay?”

Jimin, who was sitting next to him, had taken out his earbuds and was now patting away Jungkook’s tears with his sleeve. This caught the attention of all the other boys, and soon enough Jungkook was being bombarded with questions. Namjoon gave him a consolatory mint, while Seokjin asked the flight attendant for a glass of water. Yoongi and Hoseok jokingly scolded Jungkook, telling him that he shouldn’t cry because it’ll ruin his image.

They stared at him, necks uncomfortably craning around to get a good look at the boy who was still crying.

“Sorry...” Jungkook mumbled, plopping the mint into his mouth.

They all shushed him, Taehyung reaching over from his seat in front of them to pat and ruffle Jungkook’s hair.

“I didn’t get her the gifts I wanted to,” He sobbed, his head dropping in his hands. More tears flowed out of his eyes. He’d never felt more disappointed in himself ever in his life.

Jimin let out a small chuckle before pinching his cheek.

“He’s all grown up now,” Jimin said to Taehyung in a teasing lilt. Taehyung snickered, shaking his head.

“Stop,” Jungkook whined, looking up and glaring at him.

“Don’t worry, Kook,” Jimin put an earbud in one of his ears before speaking, “She looks at you like you’re her entire world.”

Jungkook felt himself blush at Jimin’s statement.

“I’m sure just seeing you would be enough for her.”

Jimin was right that day.

Your reaction to Jungkook returning was overwhelming enough.

That day you broke out in tears of joy upon seeing him in the airport. You ran into his arms, snuggling deeply into his chest.

The car ride home, you were still emotional, driving down the highways teary-eyed. He laughed at your pout you had while he teased you, his eyes slightly droopy as the flight was tiring.

Soon, he fell asleep and woke up already in the house, a smile creeping up on his face when he realized that he finally was able to rest.

He’d have to deal with the sadness of being done with a world tour later. He had bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

After his shower, he cautiously crept into your shared bedroom, droplets of water falling from his hair and onto his face.

“Baby, I know it’s not a lot...” He frowned as you unpacked his luggage and sorted out his dirty and clean clothes, “But I got you something-“

You stared at him with wide, puffy eyes.

It was safe to say that you started crying even greater than before.

Jungkook still remembered how cute you looked when you had the “I Love New York” t-shirt while you were sobbing profusely.

It was an image that he always looked back on when he felt like he wasn’t enough for you, or when he felt like you two were growing distant. It reminded him that you loved him so much that even a cheap t-shirt from him would make you happy. It also reminded him that you deserved the not only the world, but the whole universe.

He planned to give that to you.

Eventually, time would pass by so long that he’d realize that he was sitting by himself for about an hour just thinking. He would lose the tension in his eyebrows since they were furrowed from mentally creating a list of just you. Then, he’d rub his eyes and try to catch up and find wherever his bandmates were.

If they were on a music video set, he’d continue with the filming and act like nothing happened. If they were taking a break from learning a new dance for their comeback, he’d do a few stretches and immediately get back into perfecting the steps of the choreography. At first his friends would ask him if was okay, but later on they became accustomed to this weird habit of his.

The day would pass by normally, them getting praised for a job well done, Jungkook packing all his things, and him excitedly making his way back to his and your home. He was ready to see you after a long day, even though he knew that it would already be way too late for you to be awake and have a conversation with him. He didn’t mind.

Just being around you was enough for him.

He’d spend the late night continuing his list, remembering how when you first met him, you didn’t even know what to say and ended up just staring at him, frozen. He’d chuckle to himself, thinking about how awkward the two of you were prior to when he finally mustered the courage to ask you out.

Jungkook would listen to the music playing in his car, his head bopping up and down to the beat. He’d then smile to himself at the cheesy love songs that he was grooving along to.

You had given him a playlist with all the songs that reminded you of him, and he hasn’t listened to anything else since.

The rest of the car ride would consist of him chuckling at the greasy lyrics of certain songs, telling him that he’d never be alone and that you’d spend the rest of your life with him. He always wondered where you found all of these tunes.

When you guys first met, you only mentioned to him that you like to listen to rap music. He figured you just wanted to look cool in front of him.

Eventually he would finally reach his home and after taking a quick shower and brushing his teeth, he’d find you snuggled up on the bed, your body peacefully rising up and down. He’d quickly lay in bed with you, wrapping his arms tightly around your body and taking in your sweet scent. Eyelids getting heavy, he’d snuggle into the back of your neck, placing a soft kiss on your hair and drifting off to sleep.

He always hoped to have a sweet dream about you. Something that could be about the family you two would have, or what your wedding would be like.

In the strange limbo of being half asleep and awake, Jungkook would realize exactly how tired he was from the day’s work. Then, snores would emit from him, his arms holding your body close to his own and locking you down in place. You’d still be in deep sleep, subconsciously grabbing one of Jungkook’s hands and placing it in yours.

He always hoped that things could stay like this forever. He wished he could pause time and just lay with you like that for as long as he wanted to, where neither you or him could be worried about anything. Nothing else mattered except for each other. The nights always gave him the best comfort, as he could honestly say that they were the most peaceful moments of his day.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Well, until he gets interrupted from his sleep.

The only thing he could feel was the cold air from the slightly opened window from your bedroom. His eyes would shoot open, stinging slightly as they were blinded by the moonlight.

The first thing he would notice was the absence of you, bedsheet wrinkles formed on your spot of the bed. He’d rub the sleep away from his eyes and feel the panic and dread seep into his heart. Tossing the covers to the side, Jungkook almost jumped out of the bed and went on a journey to look for you.

He couldn’t find you in the bathroom.

He always worried that one day you’d just leave him out of nowhere, and he could openly admit that that was one of his biggest fears.

However, Jungkook would find your blue toothbrush resting next to his in the black mug you had bought one time from a flea market.

He chuckled at the sight of the mug, flashbacks appearing in his mind.

You came home from work one day, later than usual. Jungkook had the day off, and was sitting on the couch playing video games.

You marched up to him rather triumphantly, kissing him proudly on the lips before showing off a plastic bag to him.

“What’s that, darling?” He asked, still breathless from the kiss you had given him. He bit his lip, cheeks warm and tinted pink. You beamed at him.

“I bargained for the first time today!”

Jungkook had never been more proud.

Tuning his attention to the situation at hand, Jungkook felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders, because if you were ever going to leave him he knew that you’d never even think about leaving that precious mug behind.

Taking a sigh of relief, he’d deduct that you must be in the kitchen or the living room.

The kitchen would be absent of you, but he’d notice that the pantry door was open. He’d peer into it and notice that your favorite cereal, Lucky Charms, was gone. Then, he would smile, knowing exactly what you were up to. Jungkook would grab a small bag of chips for himself and eat them before making a beeline to the living room, where he would now realize that the soft sounds of a show would be coming from there.

There he’d see the tv playing and you covered with a blanket, laying on the couch comfortably as you ate a spoonful of Lucky Charms. However, you never ate the cereal first. No. You ate the weird light brown parts that were only created in order to deem it somewhat “healthy” and a reasonable breakfast for kids. Jungkook would hear the soft crunch of the cereal and laugh softly to himself.

“Isn’t it a little too late for breakfast?” He’d tease, taking a seat next to you and crawling under the covers as well.

“Jungkook!” You’d say in surprise, mouth full of chewed up cereal. He’d scrunch his nose at the sight and place a soft kiss on your cheek, wrapping an arm around you. You’d lean into the touch almost immediately, giggling and shoving another spoonful into your mouth.

“You shouldn’t be up, y’know,” you mumbled, eyes focused on the action anime playing on the tv. Jungkook would be watching as well, eyes following the movements of the main character before actually responding to you.

“I could say the same for you.”

“Well, you have to wake up earlier!” You retorted, another soft crunch coming from your mouth, “I don’t have to wake up as early as you.”

“You still need sleep,” Jungkook rested his head on yours, still groggy, “Still need to sleep with me.”

“Can’t sleep without me?” You giggled, teasing him. He whined in response and you placed the cereal on the coffee table before cuddling with him. He flashed a lazy smile at you and you gave him a kiss before smiling back.

“That’s much better,” he sighed, having you back in his arms again.

“Hold on, hold on...” You placed another kiss on his lips, sitting up in his lap instead of laying with him. He frowned, feeling cold once more. You laughed and grabbed the bowl of cereal and placed it on his stomach, using it as a makeshift table.

“I still need to finish my marshmallows,” You mumbled, more to yourself rather than him, “And I need to finish this episode.”

Jungkook groaned, resting his head on the armrest and rolling his eyes dramatically.

“Oh, suck it up,” You stuck your tongue out at him.

“I deserve an apology.”

“I’m sorry these marshmallows are sweeter than you?”

He immediately looked up to see you about to burst in laughter. His frown tilted downwards even more, and you pinched his cheek in response.

“I love you!”

“Yeah, right.”

“You love me too,” You nodded in satisfaction, flashing a smug smile that showed off your lips that were slightly stained blue.

“You’re lucky you’re super cute.”

“Thank you!” You plopped another marshmallow into your mouth, letting the sugar cover your tongue.

As you watched the show, still straddled on his lap, Jungkook stared at you endearingly. Even though it was usual for you to eat cereal such late at night, he still never got tired of seeing you like this.

He’d take in how you’d carefully examine the marshmallow before eating it, trying to determine what kind of shape it was. Then, you’d place it in your mouth, letting it dissolve before actually eating it. Jungkook always felt that you should chew the marshmallow right away since it was kind of on the crunchier side instead of the fluffier side, but you always reasoned that it was the best way to eat them and savor them.

He’d notice when an fight scene would pop up and you’d chew a little faster in anticipation of what would happen next. He’d also notice how you’d lick the sugar that had melted on your fingers while your eyes were fixed on the screen in front of the two of you.

“You want one?” You’d ask, and he’d nod, opening his mouth so you can feed him. He’d lightly chew on the marshmallow, feeling the sugar become compacted with his teeth.

It was then and there that he realized that his favorite thing about you was being able to share midnight cereal. He loved how comfortable these nights were, how the two of you didn’t need to do much to realize how much you loved each other. He just needed to watch you eat cereal and you just needed to share your marshmallows with him. He just needed you with his t-shirt and some shorts on as you sat comfortably in his lap.

He just needed the tv playing in the background while the two of you ate cereal in silence.

“You know I was lying, right?” You’d quietly say out of the blue, dragging him abruptly out of his trance.

“Huh?”

“About the marshmallows being sweeter than you,” Your eyes met him and he sat up slightly to give you a kiss.

You tasted like sugar and worn down mint toothpaste. You smelled of roses with a slight hint of sweat from being covered in blankets. You were warm and comforting on top of him. Jungkook thought he was floating.

He felt himself smile against your lips.

“I know.”

hope you liked it! it was really simple but i had a lot of fun writing it :) i have longer fics coming i promise ;) 

[bunnymajo]

⚡️Wallace is giving me sun boy allowed energy and I would like to know more. Also I hope you're doing okay right now.

Thanks! And my head is in a better place rn than it was earlier, thank you

Anyway, some facts about Wallace/Eden Angel Sol

1) Attends a private high school (age 17) and is the drama club's head playwright and director. His dream is to become a successful playwright in a "Shakespearean/Classic actor" sense. He's also just a big fan of classic lit and poetry.

2) A lone veteran magical boy of the area, not by choice, he's been hoping to team up with someone for a year or so before meeting Yamir/Eden Angel Luna. ((I used to think I got my concept for Wallace from a 70's BL character, but he's more like Mami Tomoe haha)) As such he's incredibly protective of him.

3) Because of Wallace's distant family and his "rich boy" upbringing, he's really into trying things that aren't from that lifestyle. His favorite food is Cottage Pie for example because it feels more like a homey comfort food to him vs 5-star dining. And would rather spend the night at a friends house than a ritzy hotel.

4) Unlike Yamir he's not athletic at all. He can maybe play golf if no one's keeping score (favorite sport is probably indoor mini-golf or that P.E. game with the big parachute)

5) Eden Angel Sol's powers are more uh, energy based I guess? Like he can manipulate light/shadow and also steal/absorb energy from things (the closer the better but he's gotten to the point where he can do it long range like the chi energy balls in dbz) and manipulate it how he wants (he can even use it for healing too). The downside is it can take a while to do so it leaves him unguarded if not careful. Something like that.

Here's some doodles of him I did about a year ago

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Select: Cut My Life Into Pieces

Whelp, Halloween is upon soon and the horror flicks are dropping right into place. I’ve seen a few Nightmare and Jason retrospectives and Malignant is bamboozling people into thinking it’s great. All this bloody fan fare has been waxing nostalgic about the Eighties hey day of the Slasher and the brief Nineties resurgence. I love horror flicks and the Slasher sub-genre is one of my favorites so i figured, concerning it’s Spooky Season, maybe drop a lit of my favorites. I made one about my favorite Supernatural Horror films, too, so that one might pop up soon, too. This thing might be real Wes Craven heavy. He’s like the Dude of this genre. Also, you’ll notice a distinct lack of Friday the 13th films. Those movies suck balls. I’ve never really liked any of them.

10. Scream

Scream sneaks into this list as a distant ten. I enjoy the subversion in this film and, overall, it’s quite good. As a kid who came of age during the Nineties, this flick was a big deal. This as the triumphant return of the Slasher genre as a whole but also of Wes Craven, himself. Scream is great and I'd love it more if i hadn’t seen New Nightmare a few years before this came out. That movie did everything Scream does, but much better. Also, Freddy Kreuger was in that one. Ghostface is dope and Sydney Prescott is a top five Final Girl, but Scream will always be New Nightmare’s little brother to me.

9a. The Strangers

This movie bugged me the f*ck out. Admittedly, i leans much more toward Home Invasion horror but they get sloppy in the end. Everything up to that pint is an exercise in sheer tension. This movie ramps you up with an unrelenting dread and never let’s you relax. I was thoroughly surprised by how f*cking terrified i was of this film. that never happens for me. Movies don’t scare me. It takes a lot, and i mean that, to get a rise out of me but The Strangers was able to do so almost effortlessly. Just the thought of people coming and going, in and out of my house as they please, while I'm completely oblivious to it, makes me cringe on a guttural level. F*cking fantastic film.

9b. Hush

Hush does what The Strangers does, but amps it up to another level. Instead of being a young couple in the middle of nowhere, it’s a single, deaf, woman out in the muddle of nowhere. That premise, alone, is enough to catch my attention but the execution of this idea in cinematic form, was brilliant. I loved this movie. It as everything i thought it would be. This one is a Mike Flannagan outing and, as far as i am concerned, he’s golden. He wrote it with his wife, Kate Siegel, who happens to be the lead. It sucks they couldn’t get an actual hearing impaired person for the lead but i get it. Hush put Flannagan on the map and without it, we wouldn’t have his growing catalog of pure, horror, excellence.

8. Fear Street trilogy

I referenced this in the Scream entry, but I'm an Eighties kid who grew up in the Nineties. A huge part of my childhood was those R.L. Stine Goosebump books. I grew up with those and, when i got to Junior high, he had a more mature series ready for me: Fear Street. I read that first book and thought it was dope but never revisited the franchise. Imagine my surprise when Netflix adapted that story to film and make it super f*cking bloody! We got three, solid, modern, Slasher flicks and i loved very bloody minute of it. For me, these films eclipse some of the more, better known, classics of the genre. Literally did the summer camp massacre thing better than Friday the 13th, with 1978 and I'll take that sh*t to the grave! Plus, any time i get to see Sadie Sink and Gillian Jacobs do their thing, I'm pretty happy.

7. Halloween

This is a little bit of a cheat because i mean to of the three Halloweens: 1978 and 2018. The first Halloween doesn’t rewrite the Slasher formula and it’s not even the first, i think Black Christmas or Psycho takes that honor, but it does have Michael f*cking Myers. I saw Halloween for the first time after seeing Nightmare 3 and MTV Freddy so, going from that to the malevolent force that is Michael Myers was jarring as f*ck. Dude cut a bloody swath through his movie and then did even more in it’s 2018 sequel. Like, sh*t, man, Myers is a f*cking monster! But his sister, Laurie, is every bit his match. I love Jamie Lee Curtis in this role, almost anytime she plays it. Laurie is top-two Final Girl for me and gives other brilliant female characters like Ellen Ripley and Sarah Connor a run for their money.

6. Candyman

Listen, Candyman is arguably the worst film on this list. as a Slasher, it’s top tier but as a film? It’s adequate at best. Candyman isn’t terrible but it does nothing new. A lot of what it has going for it lies in the themes for me. I grew up Black and in the ghetto during the Nineties and this film deals with a lot of that. The backdrop of poverty and racial strife really hit home back then. Thy tried to do that with the new one released this year and it mostly works but not as well as the original. Plus, Candyman is Daniel Robitaille, portrayed with such roiling menace by Tony Todd. I’ll never forget how his voice thundered when he asked Helen to “Be my Victim?” That sh*t was dope. all the imagery as dope. The whole aesthetic was dope. The actual plot? Not so dope. Still, it left one hell of an impression and became one of my favorites.

5b. The Babysitter

Yo, i love this movie. It’s so f*cking ridiculous an makes next to no sense but it’s fun as f*ck. All these characters make the movie for me. More than that, it introduced me to Samara Weaving and I've been a fan of this chick eve since. She’s been in some interesting fare; Guns Akimbo, Bill and Ted Face the Music, Ready or Not (which one could argue deserves to be on this list), Mayhem, and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, are all f*cking amazing films but it was The Babysitter that made me really start paying attention to her career. This movie is morbidly fun, darkly hilarious, and disturbingly wholesome. Like, i had the warm-and-fuzzes by the time those credits rolled and there was a substantial body count by then.

5a. Happy Death Day

I love this movie for almost all the same reasons that i love The Babysitter. It’s Groundhog’s Day meets Prom Night. It’s Palm Springs meets Urban Legend. The concept, in of itself, seems too simple to be interesting but the film in execution is surprisingly excellent. It has strong performances all around but this thing lives and dies by it’s lead, Tree Gelbman, portrayed by Jessica Roth. Believe me when i say, this move lives a life! Roth is exceptional in this role ans really makes the film. Her reaction to the absurdist nature of her bloody predicament is exactly how i would react to it, too. Just the idea of constantly repeating the day because some asshat keeps murdering you is enough to make me groan and Tree really groans a lot throughout this movie. By, like, her third death, she’s just so done with everything and proceeds to solve her own murder, eventually breaking the cycle, with so much f*ck apathy, it was like looking into a mirror.

4. Child’s Play

I love Chucky. This is some top tier murder movie, man. That first Child’s Play from the Eighties really did something special. Obviously, it’s problematic as f*ck nowadays because everyone is so soft but back then? This sh*t was rife for controversy. More than that, i love the technical aspect of this flick. As the movie progresses, Chucky becomes more and more human, which lends to his urgency in attaining a new, human, body. By the time the film ends, his little Good Guy body is actual flesh and blood. He missed his window to transfer and just wants to murder everything. Now, later entries lean heavy into the camp. Bride and Seed are not favorites but the two newer films, Curse and Cult, strike a good balance between the two tones. For my money, though, the first two Child’s Play films are peak Chucky. We’ll see which version we get in this new series.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

And we have finally gotten to the Nightmare films. Freddy Kreuger is one of my favorite film antagonists of all times. Just the concept of an intangible, immortal, child-molesting, murderer, leaving bodies behind after slaying kids in their dreams, is a lot. Dream Warriors was my first Slasher, ever, and i was immediately enthralled. There was so much going on this movie and i loved every second of it. Each Dream Warrior and their personal abilities, the way Freddy responded in kind, and all of the imaginative kills: This movie made for one hell of a watch for wee lil’ Smokey. This movie made me an instant fan pf Wes Craven and sent me down the Nightmare on Elm Street rabbit hole. Imagine my surprise when there were only, like, two films better than this one in the entire f*cking franchise and, technically, one wouldn’t come out for years after i saw this one.

2. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

New Nightmare f*cked me up when i saw it as a kid. Like, it legit scared me for some reason. That, alone, gets it on this list but, after watching it again as an adult, it would make this list based strictly on the brilliance of the writing. Wes wrote arguably the greatest meta script in film history with this one and ti have it come together so seamlessly on film the way it did was a real feat. Now, this thing has its problems, that climax is a little rough, but everything up to the final clash was pure brilliance. I love how confused reality became as the film played out, how the characters these actors played blended into their real life counterparts in the film. I love the strong performances from Heather Langenkamp as both herself and Nancy Thompson. But, the coup de grace is definitely Robert Englund as The Entity or “Freddy Kreuger”. See, the Freddy in New Nightmare is not the Freddy we know. It’s a demon that’s taken it’s form and he is every but the monster Freddy was in his first film. For me, that’s peak Fred Kreuger. While i will always respect this movie for it’s narrative discipline and excellent portrayal of my favorite Slasher antagonist, it’s not number one because the first Nightmare is the best Nightmare.

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street

A Nightmare on Elm Street is the perfect Slasher film. absolutely amazing watch. Brilliant idea to build around. Fertile ground for imaginative and gory kills. And a f*cking Antagonist who is a relentless force of violence incarnate. Just the idea of Freddy Kreuger is terrifying. Like i aid before, my first foray into the Nightmare was Dream Warriors. That version of the character was kind of campy, way more marketable than i think he should be. Then i saw Halloween. Michael Myers is f*cking terrifying. Then i saw the first Nightmare and was surprised by how effortless that version of Freddy split the difference. This first version of Freddy Kreuger is every bit the nightmare Wes Craven wanted him to be and more. This thing is a classic for a reason. The visuals, alone, get it to the top of this list but the performances send it over the top. Plus, this is the first time we get to see the very best Final Girl in Slasher history, Nancy Thompson. Now, i prefer her character more in New Nightmare but I'd be lying if i said i didn’t completely fall in love with her in the first Nightmare. Heather Langenkamp was every bit the equal to Robert Englund and that energy carried forward through the entire franchise. No one ever really pressed Kreuger like Nancy and it shows.

Honorable Mentions: The Final Girls, Sleepaway Camp, My Bloody Valentine, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Maniac, Black Christmas, You’re Next, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Trick or Treat, Child’s Play 2, High Tension, May, Scream

[senchoubutter]

Twisted Wonderland Guys As Kpop Songs I Listen To Too Much + Why

i’ma just say it now, i primarily listen to girl groups since I cover songs and they are in my range and i find them fun to cover most so expect a lot of those.

All songs are linked!!

Scarabia

Jamil

- Lucifer by SHINee || First and foremost I can see him performing this, easily. Aside from that, the song is tasty and classic. Jamil is a smart attractive man that is incredibly talented despite flying under the radar. People know of him but don’t take note until they know him, similarly to this song. It goes hard and you’ve probs heard it mentioned but you haven’t experienced until you played it at 3 am, screaming your heart out. Get to know Jamil and he ain’t just “some guy”

Kalim

- Um Oh Ah Yeh by MAMAMOO || This song reminds me of the 90s/2000s and there’s something about Kalim that also does that for me. Maybe it’s the not a care in the world disposition. I can see and feel in the second verse’s rap, Kalim’s warm smile. I can imagine him grabbing my hand, telling me to chin up. The choruses make me think of simpler times. Finally, Kalim seems like he’s always having a good time just like this song

Ignihyde

Ortho

- Candy Pop by TWICE (yes i know its jp) || This song always puts me in a good mood. It makes me feel warm inside and like everything will work out. When I see Ortho, I feel the need to protect him but also can’t help but feel like everything will be okay. Something about him brings a happy, warm peace to my heart that reminds me to just take a moment and find the good in life. The peppy beat of it just makes me think about how he almost always is smiling!

Idia

- Fairy of Shampoo by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || the song starts an I feel as if I’ve awoken floating in the deep sea, but i’m not scared. I feel at peace and as if I’ve been here before. The song tastes like iced tea and feels like nostalgia. When I look at Idia I see my past self and even present self. I’m afraid, I want to hide. The feelings the verses gives me reminds me of laying in bed, curled up in a jacket that hides my whole body, similarly to Idia’s. The song and Idia’s character call out to a nostalgic but soft side to a distant past I can’t recall. I want to stay with them until I can remember

Savanaclaw

Leona

- gogobebe by MAMAMOO || It’s got a lazy but sexy sound that Leona emboides. When the song picks up in the choruses it’s like it takes over your body, drowning the listener in an ocean of sensuality and playful teasing. It’s got a lil edge though too that caters to the gruff “fuck off” expression he has. I see the noise Hwasa makes at the end as the wanton but confused noise fans make as the man leaves, tail swinging after teasing them

Ruggie 

- BAAM by Momoland || BAAM has such a sassy hyped up beat that screams a bitch that gets shit done, owns who they are, and lives life having fun. And it embodies everything I feel upon seeing Ruggie's smug smile. Even the rap bit during the second chorus has the sass and done-ness of “Leona-san! Get up!!”

Jack

- Bomb by AleXa || This song kicks your ass and so does Jack. Don’t for four seconds think he won’t beat the shit outta ya for underestimating him, similarly to AleXa and her music. The energy and the “I’ll show you” vibes remind me of this big dweeb. I would fear this man but turn to love him much like how I felt about this song as it was this artist’s first song. How do I say they just embody each other in my opinion lol

Pomefiore

Vil

- DUN DUN by Everglow || The sass. This song screams THAT BITCH, just like Vil’s everything. The way he carries himself is personified in this song. The power the song holds reminds me of his unique magic and how intense it is. Finally, the slower bridge is mythical and light as if giving the listener a feeling like they are walking on air and plays to the softer and more feminine side of Vil

Rook

- FINGERTIP by GFriend || Everything about this song is exciting. It’s suspenseful and alluring. If this song was a person, I could clear as day see it winking, whispering “chase me.” And that is exactly Rook’s brand of teasing and games. He’s a hunter but he’s got a charming aura to him still. This song wraps both of those things into it. The dance break is Rook’s darker senses personified. Umji’s lil “OW!” is he’s cute lil remarks in french, throwing you off now and then. But by the end of the song, you’re used to them and adore them

Epel

- Crossroads by GFriend || This song feels like a long lost friend that visits you in dreams. You can practically reach out to them but just as you do, you wake up. But you’re determined. That alone reminds me of Epel’s character as a whole. He doesn’t let his cute appearance push aside his wants and needs to be this tough guy. He, like Yuju’s strong vocals at the last chorus, presses on, determined each time he gets knocked down

Diasomnia

Lilia

- Deja Vu by Dreamcatcher || Maybe I’m biased cause I’ve covered this but this song is breathtaking. The melody speaks of a long road and the fight to keep on which I feel rings true for Lilia. We don’t know his true age but it’s clear he’s been around for quite a wild and the pain he’s probably gone through is unspeakable. He has stories galore and so much experience in life. I feel this song encapsulates a lot of what can only be speculated about him

Silver

- Crème Brûlée by GFriend || the soft, sweet song is addictive and cutesy. I feel Silver gets written off or ignored often, similarly to this song on the album. Sure he may not be god or a bad bad bitch, but he has his own warmth to him. Like this song, Silver makes me wanna curl up under a tree on an August evening and just take in life, making sure to breathe for once, releasing unnecessary tension and stress.

Sebek

- Black Dress by CLC || Sebek is very interesting to me and when he blushes, my whole heart stops for a second. It’s similar to how when they build up to the chorus‘s first Black Dress and the music stops for like a split second. Sebek isn’t my favorite but isn’t my least favorite. I like him more than some though, I’d say. I’d say the same goes for this song. I love CLC, this isn’t my top song of theirs but I still like it a lot. There’s something uniform about the beat that resounds with Sebek as getting shit done in mind also. Sometimes a song just makes you think of a character and you can’t perfectly explain it

Malleus

- Pretty Savage by BLACKPINK || Yes i know t’s only recently come out as i post this, but this bad boy on replay. The beat isn’t crazy upbeat but it’s interesting. Malleus intidimates me in general cause of his aura, and while I love this song a lot rn, it was very intimidating at first. It still has some “don’t come near me” energy. The slower bridge bit calls to his stoic expression, melodic and pretty

Heartslabyul

Cater

- ICY by ITZY || I’ll be honest both Cater as well as this song were things I thought at first were just meh, okay. But as time went on both grew on me. Now that’s not the only reason though I associate this with him. The, no pun intended, ice shattering sound of the song gives me friendly popular girl that seems to be buds with 80% of the school. This is the very vibe Cater always gives me. He wants to just have a good, happy life. Also the song is a “so what? I’m hot. Get over it.” vibe like Cater

Ace

- Drama by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || Ace reminds me the guy you fall in love with in high school and you no it’s not going to last but you let yourself get taken away with. Drama feels like a soundtrack of every fun adventure Ace goes on, no matter the trouble that he may get on. It’s fun beat just brings me back to skipping school, running to my car and trying to sneak away without getting caught. The thought of Ace at my side, would shoot my adrenaline through the roof just like the high note of the song

Deuce

- God’s Menu by Stray Kids || Deuce is just ready to go swinging and that’s exactly what this song is. Elbows up and out, head down, swinging without a clue. The intensity and fire of it speaks to that fire in him. Meanwhile the prechoruses are soft and pleasant almost like it’s not the same song, alluding to that cute lil smile he has got

Trey

- REALLY REALLY by WINNER || Similarly to Ace, this song reminds me of a guy you fall for, but in college rather than high school. Everything about the song and Trey just feels right. The choruses hold your hand and fits perfectly in yours. They know what to say to make everything okay. It may not last, but you sure hope it does and will love them like it will. And while Trey isn’t my number one boy, those are the exact feelings I have about him too. Finally, the rap part reminds me of Trey’s more sadistic side, it bites and you may not think it fits entirely but the more familiar you get with them, the more both fit and you don’t mind it entirely

Riddle

- Wonderland by ATEEZ || The demanding nature of the song makes me think of Riddle immediately. It’s intense and doesn’t mess around; it wants what it wants. Riddle is a rule based person and this song is rather militaristic aesthetically. The bridge though, is so regal and breathtaking. It could stop time. Riddle, despite the kind of guy he is, is the same way. The power he holds is impressive and admirable. This description may seem kinda like I’m shitting on him and see him solely as a rule boy, but like this song, I have made respect for him and wouldn’t want to cross him

Octavinelle

Azul

- Love Battery by Hong Jin Young but performed by LOONA on Immortal Songs || This arrangement of the song has a certain magic to it that I melt in. At the very beginning as the build up singing ‘dangsineun’ i feel like I’m being submerged in a wave, reaching to shake Azul’s hand, signing a contract. The choruses remind me of his smile, how distant but inviting it is. Daring me to fall for him. The dance break bridge reminds me of the intense eyes behind those glasses

Jade

- Love Shot by EXO || This song and Jade are both things I am fearful of but greatly intrigued by. They share a scary beat and energy that says I fear you more when you’re smiling. Please stop slowly walking towards me, you’re scaring me. But at the very same time, the choruses keep me around like how pretty I find this twin. The combo of put together, intellectual friend but could kill easily and without remorse sends shivers down my spine if I think about it for too long. The chorus of this song make me shake my shoulders that suppress a shiver each time

Floyd

- WEE WOO by Pristin || I love both Floyd and WEE WOO. The song is the feeling you get going 85 down the highway. Both song and Floyd, get me excited. They feel like the weekend. That feeling of coming home Friday during high school, tossing your bookbag down, and getting ready to hang out with your best friend. It’s a relieving and exciting feeling. It’s a peppy beat that bites during the harmonies a bit. Just like Floyd. Peppy, fun, but ain’t afraid to take a lil nibble

[deathbydarkelves]

I decided to make playlists for Cathala and Tarinne plus explanations for why I chose each song because I entered one of those ADHD fugue states and if I didn't finish this task I would die

Anyway here are the two links (they're youtube playlists because I don't have spotify. I would obviously recommend using an adblocker if you're just gonna watch on youtube) and the explanations for each song are below the cut :) Each playlist is about an hour long.

For Tarinne’s:

1. Foggy Nights: I consider this her theme so putting it first as a sort of intro only makes sense.

2. Here’s a Health to the Company: I think this works as an example of her general disposition. She’s a people person, and always a fan of singing these sorts of songs in taverns, on ships, or what have you. It also kind of feels like a sendoff to soldiers, which I imagine symbolizes her joining the Sentinel Army and quickly thereafter fighting in the Third War.

3. Wartime Prayers: Somewhat self-explanatory, this is symbolizing her seeing war for the first time, but I also included it because the last line transitions SO WELL into the next song.

4. The Hollow: This song is an intro to an album I've never heard so I don't know the context, but I really love it because it sounds like someone praying to their deity and like I mean c'mon. Elune. Tarinne's praying to Elune to guide her through the war. Do I need to elabo-

5. Wave Walker: KILL DEATH MAIM AHAHAHAHA

6. Isil Elun’falo: Just a super rad fan-made night elf song that's basically "wow we sure do love Elune" said in twenty different ways for four and a half minutes. But it ROCKS and I LOVE it.

7. Chewing Cotton Wool: This song is about losing a loved one (I did have to check but yeah that's what it is) and I use it to symbolize Tarinne losing her mom during the war. The last line, which includes the song's title, I especially like. It's referring to how morticians (apparently) put cotton gauze in a corpse's throat and mouth to keep body fluids in and make the face look more natural. So there's a fun fact for you.

8. See U Soon (Song for Dad): Just a short lofi piece to rest a bit, and it was also chosen because the title's in reference to Tarinne growing closer to her dad after losing her mom. She still visits him at his leathers and furs shop in Stormwind fairly often, especially after dangerous adventures. She just wants to make sure he knows she's alright ;-;

9. No Lullaby: Right back into it with a song that I use to represent Tarinne's general feeling of not being able to go home because it's not there anymore. She's felt like this since the end of the Third War, but it's especially strong since the whole Teldrassil thing. But I like the ending, "who said you're on your own," because it contrasts the repeating of "alone" in the rest of the song. And it's kinda like "hey, listen, you're not the only one who feels like she can't go home." I mean that's probably how basically every single night elf feels right now skxnks

10. The Moss: This song juxtaposes classic fairy tales with scientific facts about the world and I love it to BITS. I'm using it here to represent both Tarinne's love for storytelling but also her sort of... part-time historian/archaeologist/conservator career.

11. Rasputin: I just associate this song with her for some reason and this was the best place to put it.

12. Electric Feel: Moving on to focus more on Tarinne's relationship with Cathala now. This is an extremely great and somewhat 😏 song that I also included because the electricity theme is appropriate because Cathala has lightning powers and y'know it's from Tarinne's perspective or whatever.

13. Bedroom Hymns: You know why this is here.

14. Movement: I can't talk about love songs without talking about Hozier, okay. This is just a nice, slower song to relax a bit with.

15. Never Let Me Go: I have an entire goddamn music video in my head with Cathala and Tarinne for this song and it’s very dramatic and emotional and I had to include this song or I’d die. Basically just listen to near the end of this song when she's repeating the title over and over, and imagine the two of them seeing each other at opposite ends of a battlefield after the dust settles and they rush towards each other and fall to their knees holding on as tightly as they can because they got separated early on and each thought the other was dead. Then you'll know how I feel when I listen to this song.

16. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control: First of all I love the title, and second of all there's a big section in the middle (1:49 to 2:47) that I like to interpret as the two of them grappling with the fact that they're not really quite sure who or what they're fighting for anymore. Their people, yeah, but there's so many alliances and semi-permanent enemies and only-on-every-other-thursday-enemies all intertwined and the world is just so very confusing and they're trying to make the best of it. Elf school didn’t include international, interracial politics in its curriculum. It did however include how to properly plant trees, and AP calculus (this is a joke).

17. In Dreams: I like to imagine this song is something the two of them would say to each other, as a way of saying “even when everything we know is gone, even when the world ends, I will still be by your side. And if I’m not, don’t fear, for I will find you.” It makes a nice note to end on :)

For Cathala’s:

1. muse: Just a nice lofi intro to get us into things :) I don't see this song as her theme, like I do with Tarinne and the first song in her playlist, but I like it quite a bit. I don't actually really have a theme for Cathala yet, I'm currently going with a version of Way of the Monk from WoW's OST but I'm still looking for something better.

2. Frogs Singing: I included this because it's about just appreciating nature, which works because night elf and also mindfulness and meditation is a whole thing.

3. Tongues: This is a song about feeling distant from your peers which is like Cathala's whole existence! She's this weird mix of two cultures and ultimately she feels out of place regardless of where she is or who she's with. Also the theme with not understanding what people are saying works because the poor woman had to learn Pandaren from scratch and that shit ain't easy. I think blizz said somewhere probably that Common is just a language that EVERYONE knows inherently because Video Game but that's bullshit in my opinion. I'll allow spells that let you understand foreign languages to an extent (Comprehend Languages from D&D lets you understand the LITERAL meaning only, which I like), but every culture and species in the universe knowing Common is silly if you think about it for more than two seconds.

4. Kung Fu Fighting: I'm legally required to include this song. Also I prefer the Kung Fu Panda version, I'm sorry.

5. Harder Better Faster Stronger: I vicariously experience having a great work ethic through Cathala and that's why this song is here because she has 999 Determination and does Too Many push-ups every day or something idk. I was gonna say "every morning" but I have a headcanon that elves only need to sleep every couple of days (sort of a nod to "elves don't need to sleep at all" from D&D, and to explain why NIGHT elves are active at all hours of the day) so that doesn't work.

6. What's Up Danger: This song is Cathala's whole Vibe. Almost zero threat assessment skills in this woman's brain. If it can be punched, she will punch it.

7. Eye for an Eye: Fairly self-explanatory, it's a song about wanting revenge so... yeah. Checked that box. It was this or The Vengeful One by Disturbed but ultimately The Vengeful One's religious symbolism probably makes it fit better as a Tyrande theme lol ("I'm the hand of god, I'm the dark messiah." Did you mean: the Night Warrior)

8. Survivor: Cathala's survived a lot of shit and this could kinda be her making fun of herself for it because "Gods, man! Don't I deserve a break!"

9. Ashes: Really the reason I include this song is the last chunk (2:42 to the end) because holy shit. Listen, if I was gonna include a song with fire motifs, it was gonna be a somber one like this.

10. Into the West: This can kinda represent Cathala just trying to fucking breathe and recover from Teldrassil. Also works because I dunno it has stuff to do with the elves in LotR, I haven't seen those movies in a while. It sounds nice and is melancholy so I included it.

11. Like Real People Do: Cathala loves Tarinne a lot you guys have I ever menti-

12. Into the Wild: Tarinne changed Cathala's world for the better and she's super fucking grateful she has her by her side. Kinda goes without saying but you know.

13. Chasing the Moon: I have a vague music video in my head for this of them falling in love and it's very cute so there's that. Also it's in this specific spot because hey she may be deeply traumatized but she's still got a fair number of things/people in her life that make her happy so :)

14. Follow My Girl: I've got a theme going in my head that while Tarinne is fairly certain of her place in the world, Cathala is still trying to find hers. She outlived all her connections on Pandaria because Elf Lifespans(tm) and the only members of her family still alive are distant relatives she never knew very well.

15. Wish That You Were Here: This works both to represent Cathala on Pandaria feeling super homesick, and for more recently after Teldrassil. Either way, it's a message to her parents and sister.

16. Mr. Fear: She does her damnedest to hide it but she's absolutely terrified something like Teldrassil's gonna happen again! That fear drives her to do everything in her power to protect who and what she can. As long as they're not Forsaken, cause she's still got her biases, that compassion even extends across faction lines. She never really got the whole Alliance/Horde thing anyway. Innocent people shouldn't have to die, regardless of who or what they are.

17. Ordinary Day: Not to get super out there but I think this song works as symbolizing Cathala really trying to hold on to her faith in Elune, but ultimately feeling pretty abandoned. I mean she can clearly see Elune's influence everywhere. But Elune sure ain't doing Cathala any favors as far as she can tell! It also ends the whole playlist on maybe a bit of an uncertain/open-ended note, because this "losing faith" aspect is a new thing with her and will definitely be something she continues to struggle with for a while. On a related note, I should say Tarinne is still very much devout but she gets what Cathala's feeling and doesn't force anything on her, and vice versa. And Cathala wouldn't become atheist, the night elves aren't monotheistic and she still worships all the other deities, it's just specifically Elune she's a little :/ on.

[lildevyl]

Pick Me Up Playlist

@jellymadebutler  I know you said you’re not feeling your best so here’s a “Pick Me up Playlist” for ya or for anyone needs it!

(Markiplier)

Try Not To Laugh Challenge:  This is actually backwards! It goes from 23-1 but it’s still a nice Playlist to watch!

Markiplier Makes:  This is the whole Playlist of the infamous Markiplier Makes Videos!  It’s really funny!

Among Us:  Among Us is a new game that’s out there on Steam.  You’re either a Crewmate going trying to do tasks to keep the ship going until you reach your destination or the you’re the Imposter! What happens when you get a bunch of YouTubers together for a classic Whodunnit?  Chaos and hilarity in sue!

Minecraft:  I’m not big into Minecraft but it is very funny seeing Mark and Sean play this and see what they come up with!

I Am Bread:  This is a rage game just letting you know ahead of time!  But it is funny seeing Mark rage out of the game!  But like I said this is a rage game so there is some yelling/screaming in it!

Getting Over It:  This another rage game!  It is quite funny but like I said it is a Rage Game so there is screaming and yelling involved!

Pogo Stuck:  This is a somewhat kind of rage game!  It first starts out with Bob, Wade, and Mark playing it.  But then Mark starts playing it by himself and yes there is some yelling and screaming in the videos so fair warning!

Uno:  This is quite a hilarious game series!  It’s Mark and his friends playing the online game of Uno!

Monopoly:  This a goo game series and is quite hilarious!  It’s Mark, Bob and Wade and there is one where Lixian joins!  It really funny and think you might enjoy it!

(JackSepticeye)

Undertale:  The best way to start you off with JackSepticeye is one of his most famous series of all time, Undertale!  Undertale is about a human that falls in the Monster World and go about it learning the Monster World while trying to get home! It’s a text based game and Jack does the voices for the characters!

Deltarune:  The Sequel to Undertale!  Or that’s what everyone seems to be calling it!  I haven’t had the chance to watch the series but I’ve heard it’s really good!

Slime Rancher:  Literally you are a Rancher raising all kinds of different slimes!  It’s really cute and funny!

Cuphead:  This is a very old school cartoon like style game.  There is some violence in it but it’s mild and no more then what actual cartoons, like Tom and Jerry and the Animatics.

Bendy and the Inc Machine:  This is a horror game but it’s not the scary!  There are some jump scares but it’s more like FNAF kind of jump scare.  So, it will be scare ya but not that much.  It’s like a cartoon horror game.  Again some violence in the game but it’s mild.  This also kinda of spawn the idea of the JSE Fan Made Ego Shawn Flynn!  Jack has a cameo in the game!

Animal Crossing:  Nice little story driven game that Jack plays on his switch.  It’s very cute and it’s a nice little game to series to watch!

Spiderman:  Jack finally gets to play as his all time favorite Super Hero from his childhood!  Spiderman!

Spiderman Miles Morales:  The next gen starts now!  With the new Spiderman!  This game is based of the movie Spiderman into the Spider verse and I can’t wait to watch it and watch this series of Jack’s!

Spyro 3: Remake:  This is a cute series of the game Spyro 3 redone for the PS3!  It’s super cute and a lot of fun!  I think you might enjoy this one!

Minecraft:  Like I said, I’m not into Minecraft but this is a nice and cute series that Jack has!  Filled with a lot of Adventure and some scary events!

Meme Time!:  A cute series that Jack started where he goes on his Subreddit and looks at some of our Memes that we did!

Luigi’s Mason 3:  I can’t make a playlist for someone to watch and not include this!  This is so cute and wholesome!  It’s all from Luigi’s point of view and how he’s going to try and stop the Ghost King and save his brother and friends!

Among Us:  I have to include Jack’s!  This is so funny with Jack and his friends!  I think you might enjoy this!

(CrankGamePlays)

Pokémon: I haven’t watched this series yet, but I’ve heard great things about it!

 Papers Please:  This is very hilarious!  I’ve seen a couple of episodes and I think you might like it!

Animal Crossing:  I did enjoy watching Ethan play this!  It’s really funny and wholesome and I think you might enjoy it!

Slime Rancher:  I have to include this!  I watched this when I was feeling a little down during Quarantine.  It’s really funny!

(DolphinTreasureArt)

This a YouTuber that I found when I went browsing for Markiplier and JackSepticeye fan-made games!  DolphinTreasureArt plays fan-made games and indie games on her channel.  Along with some Cosplays and Artwork that she has done.  Some of her Fanart has gotten in a couple of fan games!

Septiscape:  First off, this series is near and dear to my heart!  This is the first ever series that watched back in 2k18 when I first found Erin’s Channel!  This helped me get over my writers block and led to me to writing my first fanfic that I wrote in over a year!  This one is an older version but I still love it!

Jack finds himself trapped in his own mind, the Mindscape and is trying to find his way home!  Along the way he finds out the Egos that he created are more then just Egos!  But at the same time, some sort of Corruption and happening with Jack’s mind and many of the Ego’s Worlds is collapsing!

Septiscape: Livestream #HopeFromHome:  This is the livestream of the updated version of the game!  It’s about 8 hours long but you can skip some parts, especially since some of the fights can be a bit repetive but I wanted to include this one!  

Soulscape:  I can’t put in Septiscape and not give you the sequel as well!  This is the well awaited sequel to Septiscape!  After the adventures of the first game, the Egos go and try to enjoy a nice little R&R only for someone to stalking Anti and trying to take his soul pieces back!  Join Anti and the Egos as they try to figure out what it going on and help save Anti before it’s too late!  And there is really cool plot twist!

Hearts and Heroes:  This is another one that is near and dear to my heart! I will also link Mark’s playthrough as well!  Hearts and Heroes and about you the fans of Markiplier and the journey that the fans go through trying to help save people from the Monsters the haunt their dreams and to help save Mark from his worst Nightmare.  Markiplier’s Playthrough here.

Septiclands: A JackSepticeye Fan Game:  This is very funny series that DolphinTreasureArt has done!  It’s silly and goofy and it has a very weird plot but it’s absolutely one of my favorites!  It’s also on her longest series as well!

The Boss: A JackSepticeye Fan Game:  Just like Heats and Heroes is near and dear to me heart so is this game!  I’ll leave a link to Jack’s Playthrough as well!  This is near and dear to my heart b/c it’s the first JackSepticeye Fan Game that I came across.  It was on Jack’s Channel that first saw it and then I watched Erin’s.  This is nice little RPG Game, but it’s about Jack being sucked into his computer and has to try and find his way home! On the way he finds out that there is two subscribers that lost in his computer and there is a major twist at the end!

The Boss Is Nothing: His Side of the Story:  I don’t want to give away what happens in the Boss!  So, this the other side of the story of The Boss!  In the Boss, Jack comes across someone he never thought he would, so now we’re getting his side of the story and why did what he did to Jack!

Glitch in the System: Chapter 1:  This is a very special game!  It’s the sequel to The Boss!  The developers over at Sarcastic Pasta Games is working hard to get chapter two out!  Chapter one is really good and you get see Erin do some Cosplay along with some voice acting for the characters/Egos!

Septic Storm:  This is a cute little fan game that’s a bit old, but it’s a very cute RPG Game!  Join, Jack, Mark and Felix as they battle Billy to end this battle once and for all!  Only to find out that Billy isn’t the one that truly is behind this, but someone else entirely!

CrankGamePlays Fan Game: The Crank Chronicles:  This is a RPG Fan Game of one Ethan Nester CrankGamePlays!  Ethan has find himself in a distant land thanks to the help of a powerful Sorceress!  But an evil threatens the land!  With help of his two best friends Mark and Tyler, Ethan goes on a quest to help save this land and find his way home!  I don’t if the developer ever did the sequel to the this game or not but it’s not a bad game!

[aion-rsa]

Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar

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The latest take on Toho’s iconic, building-crushing lizard comes in the form of Godzilla Singular Point, an anime series now available in dubbed form on Netflix. Taking place in the not-too-distant future, this reimagining of the King of Monsters involves a group of human characters becoming aware – through rather bizarre ways – of a coming apocalyptic event. Now the only thing that can save them is a behemoth out to punch monsters and look out for the little guy.

No, not Godzilla. He’s actually the apocalyptic event. No, our hero is none other than Jet Jaguar.

Yes, it’s finally time for Jet Jaguar to get his due.

A concept nearly 50 years old at this point, Jet Jaguar is one of those characters who was initially doomed to fail, but lives on due to nostalgia and the golden notion of, “I realize most people hated that thing from my childhood, but I bet I could make it good!” At best, he was a rad addition to the Godzilla mythos. At worst, he was a dumb idea from a dumb movie. For the most part, he’s remembered as something goofy that gets laughed at, despite having some genuine earnestness.

Jet Jaguar was created from both a fan contest and a corporate game of telephone. Back in 1972, to jump on the bandwagon of tokusatsu giant superhero/robot shows, Toho asked fans to design their own superhero design. The winner was a half-man/half-bird robot with a lengthy neck resembling a stack of rings named Red Alone. The concept was turned into a full-on rubber costume, but they changed the color scheme, which upset the young winner. They later decided to just scrap the whole thing, keep the color scheme, and make their own new design. And so, Jet Jaguar was born.

The superhero made an entire one movie appearance in 1973’s Godzilla vs. Megalon. As the urban legend goes, this was initially intended to be a standalone Jet Jaguar movie that the studio just didn’t have faith in towards the end and they hastily threw in Godzilla and recurring Godzilla villain Gigan. While the claim is dubious and unproven, it certainly is easy to understand where the allegations come from.

Everything about the movie feels rushed. As the last-minute replacement for another Godzilla film that didn’t pan out, filming took several weeks and production was a mere six months. Even the Godzilla costume was whipped up in record time. As for the story, outside of the intro, the preexisting elements (Godzilla and Gigan) aren’t thrown in until about 2/3 into the movie. Up until that point, it feels like a Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon movie with the production team hitting the panic button.

The plot of Godzilla vs. Megalon is that a scientist Goro Ibuki is working on a robot called Jet Jaguar, along with his little brother Rokuro and his best friend Hiroshi. They get wrapped up in a plot involving a group of beings from Atlantis-But-Not-Really, who are annoyed at all the nuclear bomb tests going on in their neck of the woods. They steal Jet Jaguar and use him to guide their insect god Megalon to different cities for the sake of smashing them up and punishing humanity.

Goro and friends get their hands on Jet Jaguar’s controls and use him to lead Godzilla to where Megalon is. Then the Seatopians call some alien friends for a solid and have them send in Gigan. Jet Jaguar is able to break away from all control and becomes fully sentient, as well as revealing the ability to turn into a giant. It becomes a big tag team battle, mostly remembered for Godzilla doing the silliest dropkick you’ve ever seen, followed by a second one for good measure.

The villains escape, Jet Jaguar and Godzilla shake hands, they go their separate ways, and Jet Jaguar reunites with the humans heroes after shrinking back down. He gets his own snazzy theme song to close things out.

In Japan, the movie wasn’t all that successful. As the thirteenth title in the Godzilla series, it brought in the worst returns yet. Between public burnout and the movie’s lack of quality, it just wasn’t grabbing people. That said, it came out at just the right time in the United States. Released in 1976, it came out months before the anticipated King Kong remake. The American movie poster for the movie even bit on the King Kong poster by featuring Godzilla and Megalon duking it out while each standing on a different Twin Tower, even though the movie at no point took place in the States.

A year later, the movie would be cut down into 48 minutes so they could broadcast it on NBC in prime time, across an hour with commercials. The only reason I mention this at all is because it was hosted by John Belushi wearing a Godzilla costume, which is sadly somewhere in the abyss of golden lost media.

Getting back to Jet Jaguar – the topic of this article – I feel the need to bring up Germany’s handling of the movie’s translation. Rather than call him “Jet Jaguar,” they referred to him as “King Kong.” I mean…sure, why not. Even weirder, when the next two movies introduced fellow giant robot MechaGodzilla, Germany once again referred to the robot as “King Kong.” Guys, I know what you’re going for here, but it doesn’t work that way.

Anyway, Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla and Terror of MechaGodzilla followed Godzilla vs. Megalon and closed off the classic Showa Era of Godzilla movies. Not only did Japan need to rest Godzilla as a concept for nearly a decade, but this also meant that whenever Godzilla would come back, it was going to be some kind of reboot or new “only the first movie counts” installment. Jet Jaguar was never high on the list to be brought back, especially since MechaGodzilla completely overshadowed him.

He would at least get a little more exposure in 1991 when Godzilla vs. Megalon was featured in the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. While much of the episode is spent making fun of one of the Seatopians for looking like Oscar Wilde, they toss plenty of jokes at Jet Jaguar. Most memorably, they “translate” Jet Jaguar’s ending theme, which notes that his mother never loved him and he looks a lot like Jack Nicholson.

Due to rights issues, Godzilla vs. Megalon is one of the few MST3K episodes that is no longer legally available for viewing. This does make the original MST3K Collection Volume 10 box set (which included Godzilla vs. Megalon as one of the four movies) a collector’s item, as it was later discontinued and rereleased with The Giant Gila Monster taking its spot.

A stranger use of Jet Jaguar comes in the form of Certain Distant Suns’ music video for “Bitter” in 1995. While there’s not much of a narrative outside of the band playing, footage of Godzilla vs. Megalon being shown, and a few shots of guys walking around in Megalon and Jet Jaguar costumes, I really insist you give the video a look due to the ending. It certainly goes in a direction I wasn’t expecting.

In 1997, Jet Jaguar made his next official appearance in another frankly bizarre spectacle. In Japan, a series called Godzilla Island appeared on TV in three-minute increments. While it only lasted a year, there were a whopping 256 episodes, meaning almost 13 hours of footage. If you’ve never heard of Godzilla Island, you might be thinking, “Wow, almost 13 hours of Godzilla stuff? Why isn’t this more well known?”

Well, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that instead of using guys in rubber suits, the kaiju action was done with action figures. Yikes.

Not only did Jet Jaguar show up during these adventures, but they gave him the 90s superhero action figure treatment. Much like how they released as many figures of Batman as possible for different crime-fighting scenarios, Godzilla Island gave us Silver Jet Jaguar, Medical Jet Jaguar, and even Fireman Jet Jaguar. Collect them all!

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Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Writer Talks About Spending 8 Years in the MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Director and Writer Talk Future of The MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

In the early 2000s, Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee was released for the GameCube and Xbox under the Atari brand. It was a fighting game featuring various characters from Godzilla lore and though Atari wanted to include Jet Jaguar, Toho refused. Still, at least Megalon was included in the game. There would be two sequels in the form of Godzilla: Save the Earth and Godzilla: Unleashed. FINALLY, Jet Jaguar was playable, because if there’s anything you can count on, it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel when you’re working on multiple installments of a nostalgic who’s who project.

He’d also return in 2014’s Godzilla game for PlayStation 3 and 4. The producer of the game didn’t even plan on putting him in there, but he saw that the programmers already were working on him and just shrugged it off. There was a special trick to summoning Jet Jaguar as a boss character. By ending up in three different Godzilla vs. Jet Jaguar scenarios and winning all three times, you would then unlock a special cutscene of the two shaking hands while a confused military woman would wonder about their history.

Around the mid-2010s, IDW Publishing was all about releasing a bunch of comics with the Godzilla license. Their mainline series was Godzilla: Rulers of the Earth, which went on for 25 issues. Early on, Jet Jaguar appeared out of nowhere during a fight between Godzilla and the team of Gigan and Orga. In human size, Jet Jaguar flew into Orga’s mouth, then expanded into giant size, causing the beast to explode. Especially awesome was that it came with the cliffhanger text, “Next: PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!” a reference to Jet Jaguar’s theme song from the movie.

Jet Jaguar showed up regularly in the series, coming off as Godzilla’s designated driver friend and handler. What I mean is that he seemed to be out to protect Godzilla, but that meant having to keep his violent ally on task (ie. pointing out that Gigan was nearby to stop Godzilla from attacking Jet Jaguar) and throwing punches when the situation absolutely called for it.

This continuity played up Jet Jaguar as more enigmatic than anything, as although he was mechanical, the only human character who knew his origins was killed off before it could be explained. Even one of the invading alien villains saw him on a screen and basically went, “Oh crap. It’s THIS guy!” Regardless, he still came off as a total badass, winning fights against Godzilla, Gigan (the chainsaw-hand version), and Destroyah.

Then again, at one point he needed to be saved by the 1998 American Godzilla, which at least proved as a reminder to the robot hero that there are Toho characters far more hated than him.

Toho started using Jet Jaguar again, albeit in sillier ways. In 2019, as an April Fool’s Day prank, they put up a teaser on YouTube for a Jet Jaguar movie. They also had him appear a few times on Godziban, a Godzilla web series for kids that, once again, used dolls and action figures to tell its stories.

Now Jet Jaguar is a major part of Godzilla Singular Point. To get into specifics on the plot would be like explaining advanced calculus, but to keep on-topic, Jet Jaguar is the creation of Goro Otaki as both a way to ward off monstrous threats and as a company mascot. Considering King Kong’s role in King Kong vs. Godzilla was “kidnapped to be a company mascot,” maybe the Germans were onto something with the rename.

Anyway, this version of Jet Jaguar is more mechanical in appearance instead of having to rely on making him look like a human in a costume. Jet Jaguar is there to protect the heroes from the endless supply of monsters, usually taking some extensive damage. Still, the robot gets rebuilt stronger and stronger and becomes advanced enough to become self-aware and speak in…well, the voice of a teenage girl.

I don’t know, I guess I just figured he’d sound like Astro Guy from King of the Monsters.

There’s a big hard-to-explain twist, but the main thing to know is that Jet Jaguar becomes a full-on badass by the end of the series, turns out to be a huge key to the plot, and has a completely kickass showdown with Godzilla. In a way, Jet Jaguar’s journey in Singular Point is a lot like in real life, going from a lame idea that appealed to kids and gradually being understood as a respected part of the Godzilla mythos. Something initially representative of the worst of the franchise, proven to be something genuinely cool in the right hands.

Now it’s time for America to return the favor. Once again, timing is on Jet Jaguar’s side. The Monsterverse was on its way to the graveyard after the box office intake of Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but Godzilla vs. Kong came out at just the right time in the tail end of the pandemic to be a big success and keep the series going a little bit longer. There aren’t too many names in the toybox left to pull out, but at this point, Gigan and Jet Jaguar have to be high on the list.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Make it happen, Hollywood!

Godzilla Singular Point is available to stream on Netflix now.

The post Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[the-ice-sculpture]

Adventures in Not Dying playlist

Because I like to ramble sometimes, especially if there's music involved. Anyway, here are the songs that fit in best with the tone and plot of AiND that I could find. It goes in roughly chronological order with the fic and my rambling might give a few spoilers away. (Spotify playlist is here)

1. Shine – Muse

With lyrics like "remember when you used to shine", "no one's noticed our loneliness", and "I believed that you'd always be here", this perfectly encapsulates the terrible awkwardness between Loki and Thor at the start of this fic. The song also has very soft verses but with choruses that feel more intense, like they're building up to something bigger

2. Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd

Basically the song of Loki to Thor in how comfortable Thor is with his current depressed state. "Hello?/Is there anybody in there?/Just nod if you can hear me", "Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying". The tone is very mellow too, emotionally distant but sad and peaceful at the same time

3. Six Feet Down Under – Frank Iero and the Future Violents

"There’s a part of me that’s not sure if I’m here/There's a definite part of me that don’t believe in the now", "Bless your heart, you don’t know how I feel", "I don’t wanna hurt no more/I don't wanna feel like before/I don’t want to settle the score/I don’t wanna die here".

This song is very uncomfortable to listen to (especially with Frank Iero not being a very conventionally good sounding vocalist), but that's kind of the point. It's written and sung by someone who experienced a vehicle accident and who has for a long time since felt like maybe they died in it and that nothing has been real since. In this fic, Loki starts off with a very similar feeling with keeping having to recheck if he's still alive, and he can't articulate or explain it, and there’s, well.. a lot of angst. The first couple of lines of the song ("And I know I don’t have to explain myself to you/But I might feel better if I try") are very un-Loki-ish but would be wonderful advice for him to take

4. Under Ice – Kate Bush

“There's something moving under/Under the ice, moving under ice Through water/Trying to get out of the cold water”. The perfect song for  Jörmungandr, and very dramatic and atmospheric too, really builds up tension

5. Big Blue – Hanz Zimmer, Jacob Shea, David Fleming

The only classical/fully instrumental song on the whole playlist, taken from the Blue Planet II soundtrack because of course I had to use something from Blue Planet. I wanted something that encapsulated the eerie depth of the deep ocean and this did just that

6. Breathe (In The Air) – Pink Floyd

Another Pink Floyd song. It’s not that I’m a huge fan of them (though I’ve definitely warmed up to them), it’s just the mellow mood of their songs work really well for this fic. This one feels like you’re floating through water and has some very appropriate lyrics for when Loki and Thor are floating through water: “Don't be afraid to care/Leave but don't leave me”, “For long you live and high you fly/But only if you ride the tide/And balanced on the biggest wave/You race towards an early grave”

7. I Promise – Radiohead

Now we can get to some very nice but slightly bittersweet brotherly feelings. It’s essentially Loki’s vows to Thor and maybe some of Thor’s in return. Very feelsy and beautifully sung, but still mellow because of course it is – it’s Radiohead. I feel like this might be in the background of Loki’s hospital visit or maybe in their final conversations during the last chapter. I would like to find a song between this and the last one (or maybe the one before that too) to ease the transition but have yet to come across one I like enough

8. Brother (Acoustic) – Kodaline

This one was recommended to me by BenevolentCupboardlatch. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for Loki & Thor, especially in this fic, so I’m not going to quote them all because it’d be most of the song. But there is this gem: “If I was dying on my knees/You would be the one to rescue me/And if you were drowned at sea/I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe”. And also, it is a much happier song than the rest of them and a bit different genre-wise so it’s only fitting it should be last