#bi4bi hits different
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Need it to be understood that whenever I have m/f ships I ship them in an explicitly bisexual manner
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i donât understand people who donât care for bi4bi ââhetââ ships. a man loves a woman in a gay kind of way and youâre telling me you guys Arenât losing your minds over ships like that??
#rumbles#iâm gonna keep making different versions of this post until one of them is a hit#mark my words#certified bi4bi enthusiast ShuckStruck
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HITS DIFFERENT | L.DH
TITLE: hits different
PAIRING: lee haechan x fem!reader | mcâs best friend johnny, haechanâs roommate mark (+ kinda emotional support boy when mc acts like a loser)
GENRE: non-idol au, strangers to friends with benefits to lovers, getting together, smut, angst, fluff | requested | bonus part
SUMMARY: nobody ever got under your skin, not until Haechan came in your life and changed everything.Â
WARNINGS: smut, protected and unprotected sex (condom first and then mc is on the pill), multiple sex scenes, oral sex, fingering, car sex, riding, fingers sucking, face sitting, rimming, anal, mirror sex, a bit of exhibitionism (as a fantasy), praise, teasing (as in degradation but itâs not hard stuff), handjob, morning sex, kitchen sex, toys (vibrator), overstimulation, (no bdsm but) switchy dynamics, sa doesnât happen but there are a few references to pushy behaviours, mentions of a past car accident and death of a barely mentioned character | I hope I didnât forget anything but if I did, let me know! | kinda implied that both haechan and the reader are bi because in this house we only support mxf bi4bi couples (joking⊠unless) do whatever you want with this information.
WC: 44.804k
TAGLIST: @adorejaehynâ @matchahyuckâ @sundhaelatte @jjhmkâ @ourbeautifulaffairâ @what-the-jamsâ @oleoleniallâ @kundann @bbaguâ @ismileeprnc-responderâ @produmadsâ @zkdlllinâ @yesohhsehunâ @aliceinwhateverlandâ @strangevanteâ @cas104 @hyuckdreamsâ
A/N: finally writing hyuck as a loser male wife (kinda) my life is complete!!! Itâs been months and Iâm back with a request, I know it took long to write it but I hope whoever requested will like this. Iâm still not sure about the present tense but idk Iâm trying out new things. I would really appreciate if you could support my work in any way, feedback makes me happy and motivates me to keep writing. If you can, reblog so it can reach more people or come and chat in the ask box to let me know your opinion! Love you, enjoy!
It was Johnnyâs fault. Itâs always his fault when things donât go as planned.Â
Itâs his fault if right now you are jumping around Haechanâs bedroom trying to look for your clothes while the clock is running fast, and you are running late.Â
It was Johnnyâs fault for setting you up with Haechan out of all his friends.Â
âCan you please help instead of just staring while I slowly transcend into madness?â
Haechan rolls his eyes, still laying in bed, crumpled-up sheets all over his body. âDamn, all of this for a pair of panties?â
âFor all my clothes. What the hell did we do last night?â You groan, throwing your head back while another exhausted sigh slips from your lips.Â
âDonât know,â he shrugs, shaking his hair out of his face while a small smirk curls his lips, âfucked you so hard you forgot?â
âShut up!â
Haechan sighs another time, eyes rolling in the back of his skull before he stands up and actually starts helping you find your things. You hear him giggle at your muttered curses under your breath but at least heâs helping, studying the room to put your outfit back together.Â
But when you finally are done, he doesnât shut up, heâs not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief.Â
âYou know, I donât even get it,â he says, crossing his arms, eyes fixated on you even if you can only see him with your peripherical view, too occupied putting your panties back on.Â
âWhat?â
âWhy youâre always in a rush. I think this is the first time I wake up with you. I donât bite, you know,â you can hear the sarcasm in his voice and this early in the morning, with those implications, you find it slightly irritating.Â
You scoff, âI wouldnât say that.â
âIt happened once,â he exhales loudly, a hint of annoyance in his voice, âthey looked extra soft.â Thatâs always his justification when you bring up the one time he bit you during sex, his eyes falling on your chest before you swiftly cover it with your arm.Â
âOkay, enough. You are a sleepy head and I have things to do, thatâs why.â
Yeah, thatâs why. Itâs got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you wouldâve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesnât know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.Â
âWhatever,â he replies, believing in you, slightly disappointed over the fact you implied heâs lazy and sleeps too much. âWe could eat breakââ
âNo!â You scream. âFuck,â you shout again when in the rush of reacting to his absurd proposal you almost zip your panties â or better the skin of your mound â in the zip of your jeans. âI just told you Iâm late.â
Haechan doesnât get you. He thinks he never will. And you can see it in his eyes and the way heâs looking at you. It makes no sense for you to sweat while youâre dressing up again. He also thinks he knows so little of you and has no faint idea of what you could be late for. But he doesnât ask. He might not have rules written, but somehow that feels like crossing some of those lines that are in between you like invisible strings.Â
âMy purse, my purse, where the hell is my purse?â
He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, âCouch, probably. You always throw it there.â
You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? You scroll that out of your mind and run a hand through your hair â the flat press that now looks like a mess â before walking past him. Itâs so irritating to have him there while you have to escape.Â
âWhy are you following me?â You ask exhausted, turning around to meet him standing right behind you; youâre face to face, and considering he spent half of the night inside you, you shouldnât find it so weird to have him so close, but it is, so you take a step back.Â
ââCause this is my house?â
You huff, âyeah, of course.â Your purse is on the couch where you always throw it, and youâre quick to grab it before heading to the door.Â
âAre you sure you donât ââ
âNo, gotta go. Bye. See ya,â you stop him, waving a last goodbye with a barely visible movement of the hand.Â
The door closes behind you and you finally start breathing normally again.
This is all Johnnyâs fault.
It was Johnnyâs fault.Â
If only he didnât drag you out that night with the lame excuse that you needed to unwind and meet new people.Â
It wasnât totally wrong. Letâs say you arenât the best at making decisions, especially romantically, and you were still caught up with your ex... or whatever he was. You two werenât together anymore, technically. Practically? WellâŠ
But you didnât want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasnât even that good, currently heâs the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didnât end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.
âCan you please donât run, I canât keep up with you,â you scream, trying to reach your best friend, Johnny, hurrying in your steps, praying you wonât break your ankles.Â
âYou still insist to wear those heels when you canât walk in them,â he jokes, laughing at you, watching you huff and bend over to catch your breath.Â
âItâs not them, itâs you for being so tall, why do you take such big steps?âÂ
Johnny only rolls his eyes before pointing at the bar door with his head, âShould we head in? Need me to carry you or your small legs can drag you inside?âÂ
You frown, glaring at him, âI hate you.âÂ
Johnny smiles, handing out his arm so you can intertwine it with yours and then you step in.Â
The inside of the bar is cosy, the brown of the wood and the shelves make it warmer, and the music playing in the background is a nice company sound that wonât overshadow the talks. You donât have time to look around much more, Johnnyâs hand swiftly wraps around your wrist, and then he starts dragging you somewhere, and you can only activate your brain again to focus on him if you donât want to fall in the middle of the place like a bag of potato.Â
âDude, you finally made it, youâre late.â A boy you donât know exclaims from the table and your eyes follow the line of five heads sitting next to him.Â
âSorry, it was her fault,â Johnny says. Lies, cause you were on time, he picked you up late, making you wait ten minutes under your complexâs porch.Â
You are about to complain but suddenly all the eyes are on you, and you are too conscious about it to do anything else other than stare back at them with an awkward shy smile and a small wave of your hand.Â
âHe picked me up late,â you still manage to babble out cause thereâs no way that will be the first impression of you. You surely have some flaws â many flaws, Johnny would say â but being late itâs not one of them.Â
âYeah, we know,â another one replies, glaring at your friend.Â
âHaechan,â Johnny replies with a scowl to him, and you try to note to yourself thatâs his name. âMove, we need to sit, too.âÂ
You wouldnât have minded sitting at the far end of the bench, not even if you were at risk of falling down every two seconds. It wouldâve been better than being squeezed between Johnny and Haechan. But even if the position is not the best, once again because Johnny takes too much space, after more than an hour you got along with all of his friends, you learned that most of them were dating, or busy with something, so you couldnât quite get why Johnny brought you there. The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.Â
âSo, how do you know Johnny?â You ask, turning around to look at him while a small smile curls your lips.Â
Haechan smiles, or smirks, itâs almost a chuckle, you canât quite describe it. âAt the gym.âÂ
âAt the gym?âÂ
He rolls his eyes, swiftly licking his lips, and lifting his hands up in defence, âI tried, okay? Itâs just not for me.âÂ
âOh, no, sorry if it came off rudely,â you apologise. âYou didnât seem interested when they talked about it before soâŠâÂ
âCause Iâm not,â he laughs wholeheartedly, and his face softens, making you take a breath of relief, well, good, you didnât fuck it up for once. âWe got close soon and then we started knowing each other out of that hell.â
You laugh at the way he talks about the gym, not that you disagreed, Johnny tried more than once to drag you there but youâre loyal to your Saturday and Sunday morning runs outside or on your treadmill.Â
His eyes fall on yours again, and he briefly studies your features before speaking again, âWhat about you?âÂ
âOh, he was actually my brotherâs best friend, then they fought, and we became inseparable. My brother is still mad but thatâs not my fault.âÂ
Haechan laughs even though a frown hardens his features for a second, something about your tone seemed off for a split moment, but he shrugs it off and tries to joke about it, âUsually that ends with dating.âÂ
Your eyes widen and your head moves from side to side. âOh, hell no.âÂ
âJohnnyâs a dream for a lot of people.âÂ
âYeah, weâre fine as friends,â you confirm again, the mere idea of seeing Johnny as something else making your stomach convulse. You are sure heâs a perfect boyfriend, husband even, to somebody else. Â
âOh, already taken?âÂ
âNo, weâre friends, heâs my soulmate in another way. And I donât do love.âÂ
Haechan stares at you, his eyes moving on your face, the small nervous twitching of the corner of your lips, and the frenetic playing of your fingers with the crumbs on the table. âNo?âÂ
âItâs just not for me. Not in aâŠâ you stop, trying to find the words. You donât have a reason, you just never fell deeply for someone. You surely care for people, and you love your friends, but your relationships never left a deep mark on you. Youâre fine with yourself. âIâm good on my own.âÂ
âBad experiences?â He tries to guess, thinking heâs going to hit the target.Â
You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. âNo, Iâve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.âÂ
He chuckles, and something crosses his face but you donât catch it, it looks like the smirk of before with a glint in his eyes, but itâs too quick, and you donât know him at all to read his micro-expressions that well.Â
âYou?â You ask, feeling a push of curiosity that makes you want to learn more about him. His lips move, but you have no time to carry on the conversation since the others arrived.Â
Back then you didnât know where that night wouldâve led you. You had no idea that the person that wouldâve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnnyâs fault.Â
Youâre sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didnât happen. You two didnât even exchange numbers, you canât even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friendâs arm.Â
Whatever led you here started a few weeks after, probably even a month later, when Haechan had already slipped out of your mind, long forgotten, categorized with those people that if you saw somewhere you were sure you already knew, but couldnât remember when, why, and how.Â
But with him, that didnât happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you wouldâve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.Â
âLook whoâs alive,â Haechan jokes, looking at you up and down, eyes lingering for a bit longer on your exposed thighs, the pink skirt youâre wearing giving him a good view of your skin. Â
You chuckle, âwhy would I be dead?âÂ
He shrugs, before calling the bartender and ordering you a drink. âDonât know, you disappeared,â he whispers, looking at you.
âI didnât know we wanted to keep contact,â you say, meeting his gaze and drifting away immediately, itâs a subtle movement, enough to make it seem like the stocked bottles of different types of liquor are more interesting than him. You never react like that, thereâs something different in the air tonight and youâre not sure you want to get drunk on that feeling.Â
âYouâre right,â he whispers, and your legs brush for an instant as he sits better on the stool. âI find you interesting, so I was looking forward to seeing you again.âÂ
âReally? After a five-minute talk, I already have that effect on you?â You tease, staring into his brown eyes while you sip on the drink that arrived.Â
âYou talked all night, to be honest. You seem fun to be with,â he defends himself, but you see in the way he acts that heâs confident, your teasing didnât make him uncomfortable or anything, and you donât know where your bickering-flirting method is going to take you. âYouâre friends with Jonny, after all.âÂ
You shake your head, placing the glass down, and then fix your skirt. âSo following your logic you should be charming and attractive too?âÂ
He lifts a hand to stop you, âNever called you charming or attractive, do you think that of me, honey? Want me to think you are?âÂ
Youâre stunned and a bit taken aback because you werenât expecting that answer, and you donât even expect your body to light on fire. Itâs not really about the words, itâs the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And itâs also in the way his body talks, itâs addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.Â
You shake your head when you realize that you still didnât come up with an answer, too lost in his details to think about a comeback, and youâd like to die when his melodious laugh resonates from his chest.Â
âShould we order another one to ease the tension?â He doesnât give you time to fall down into the deep end of your regrets and embarrassment, heâs smiling at you tenderly, and you smile back.Â
Thereâs something different in the air, and youâre sure about it, just like you feel more and more like you shouldnât get drunk on that feeling.Â
But you donât have a choice when the night drags longer and youâre no longer sitting at the bar but youâre dancing in a corner of the club with his hands all over you. You donât know how you got there, words turned into teasing, teasing turned into something bigger you didnât know how to deal with (he is good with words), and to bear with them you thought dancing wouldâve drawn his quirky remarks out, but Haechan was also good with his body, and once he had you wrapped around him, you didnât know how to stop.Â
You had lost sight of Johnny, but you couldnât care about him. Technically you had to go home with him, but you werenât sure you wanted to.Â
âFuck, girl,â he whispers, âyouâre good at this.âÂ
You roll your eyes, but a laugh rolls out from your chest. âDonât call me girl, it sounds so condescending and you sound like a creep.âÂ
âSorry, prefer other pet names, or is your name fine?âÂ
âMy name is fine.â Your name shouldâve been a neutral thing to keep him away from your heart, at least â even if he actually isnât, he is already deep inside your panties by now. But unfortunately, even the way your name rolls out of his lips makes your heart lose a beat. But you blame it on the night, on the alcohol, and on the fact heâs teasing you, whispering it right next to your ear as if heâs casting a spell on you.Â
You need to breathe some fresh air because Haechan is becoming too much. He was already all over you and you arenât used to this.Â
When you open the door of the bar and lean against the wall, the cold of the night envelops you before his warmth washes over you again.Â
He doesnât talk, though. Even if your eyes are closed you can feel he is staring at your face, fearfully at your lips while they puff out white clouds of air.Â
âShould we take this home?â Those words seem so loud in the quiet of the night, just a few cars passing by and some people stumbling out of the club.Â
You donât reply, your head turns around to stare at him; heâs serious, partially drunk, but serious. And you are in desperate need of a good fuck. Well, you hope it will be a good one, or probably no, maybe you wish it will be terrible so you can rant about it with Johnny and he will make sure you and Haechan never cross paths again. But right now, youâre not thinking with your brain, and you want him, hoping it will be good, and who knows, maybe you can find your perfect distraction.Â
âYour place?â You ask straightforwardly, meeting his eyes.Â
âOh, Markâs at home,â he says, âmy roommate.âÂ
You sigh, you canât take him home either. âWell,â you say, rubbing your neck and looking away, âmaybe next time, then.âÂ
âWait,â he stops you by a hand, âhave you ever done it in a car?âÂ
No, you havenât, and soon you also find out why youâve never done it.
âWill you please stop cursing?â Haechan rasps, pulling your panties down, trying to block your leg from kicking him in the face.Â
âI donât think this is the best place we could â fuck,â the words die in your mouth when, after rolling his eyes and gutturally groaning to shut up, his lips close around your pussy. Itâs a harsh suck on your clit that gets you silent, head rolling back on the backseat. You think that he might be uncomfortable kneeling between your legs, halfway down and halfway up in the space between the front and back seats, but you honestly donât care, thatâs his problem for choosing this out of all the places, not that you had a better alternative, at least the car is clean, unlike the club bathroom.Â
Itâs not the first impression people would go crazy to have about themselves, but fuck, Haechanâs good at this. Itâs like he has a mission, and probably thatâs to make you come in the shortest possible time.Â
âWhy are you so loud?â You ask. Itâs not a complaint, you like hearing him moan against your skin, and as embarrassing as they should be, you enjoy the slurp sounds heâs making while his mouth keeps working wonders on you. But your pleasure-haltered voice doesnât come out how it sounds in your brain and Haechan growls in annoyance.Â
âWhy are you still talking?â He scolds, pulling away from you, and the sight of his face covered in your wetness makes your stomach twist and your hips buck searching for more. You need him back right where he was, immediately. âGood, these are the only reactions I want from you,â he comments mockingly with a snotty grin on his face before he leans down and resumes where he stopped.Â
This time no more words but curses and moans come out of your mouth. Your head falls back slack, and your fingers graze the backseats of his car, trying to hold onto something as the knot in your stomach tightens more with every lick on your sensitive core.Â
âTaste so good,â he hums against you, his hands push your legs up for what he can, and his fingers dip into your soft skin, gripping strongly to keep you in place. The cold of the rings adorning his digits makes you shiver and youâd do anything to have them inside you, but it feels so good that you canât even beg for that, too focused on what heâs already doing with his lips and tongue.Â
âHaechan,â you whisper when he quickens his movements and parts your lips more, starting to also tease your entrance with his tongue and making you feel more exposed. You should be more bothered about the cars â and people â passing next to you in the parking spot, but given by your whimpers and moans, itâs clear you donât care. Truthfully, itâs like you have completely forgotten where you are, not even the painful reminder of the safety beltâs buckle pressing right against your ribcage seems to remind you that youâre in public and anyone could hear â and for now see too, since the windowpanes arenât fogged by the heat of your bodies yet.Â
âMhh, mhh,â he sings in response, opening his eyes to meet yours, looking at you with so much intensity you feel your knees tremble and your thighs close around his head. âNo, no, no, babe, let me do my job.âÂ
You groan; the teasing, almost condescending, tone of his voice fuels a fire in you, and the orgasm chokes you up. You curse when your climax breaks through your body and leaves you gasping for air while Haechan continues pleasuring you through your high. His hands cup your ass, kneading it, while his tongue plays with your extra sensitive pussy for some more before he pulls away and stares at the mess between your legs with a proud, playful smirk curling his reddened and puffy lips.Â
âSo, was it worth it for you, spoiled princess?âÂ
You scoff, brushing your hair back and some sweat off your forehead, while you try to close your legs because suddenly you feel too exposed to him. âYou canât deny the car is a shitty place.âÂ
He laughs and then shakes his head. âSo shitty you canât take some more for me?â He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.Â
âIf youâre also so good with your dick I think I can take being cramped up in a sardine can some more,â you joke, struggling to sit up because your legs feel like jelly and you canât believe he made you feel that good with his tongue only. Your first time together? And it looked like he genuinely loved giving oral? Was all this luck a sign of something tragic imminent?Â
You scroll your thoughts out of your mind when you feel the sound of the belt unbuckling and his jeans hitting the floor of the car.Â
âFucking worst idea ever,â he curses as he realizes that he canât fuck you with the denim mid-thigh.Â
âI told you,â you retort, and youâd be entertained to watch him curse and struggle some more, pondering if he should just get rid of his shoes too and be naked while anyone could knock on your window and signal you to the police, but you want him too badly and you canât wait any longer, so you propose a thing, âSit here, Iâll ride.âÂ
His eyes light up and you can see the weight being lifted off his chest as he nods and promptly sits in the middle seat. You stare in silence as he pushes the boxers down his legs too before grabbing a condom and rolling it down his length. You could cry because also his dick looks perfect for now, and you donât go around saying it often, but itâs literally the perfect size, it wonât hurt you and yet it will fill you amazingly, you just know.Â
âEnchanted?â He tsk with a bragging tone, winking while he runs his fingers through his hair.
Your eyes roll in the back of your head, but your pussy clenching is your honest reaction, heâs too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he canât keep getting away with it. So, you go on with your lie, trying to appear unfazed, you shake your head and climb on top of him, luckily you decided to go for the mini skirt and not the long pants tonight, so you donât have access problems. You move your hand to grab the base and lift your hips, only when you feel his tip prod at your entrance you start sinking.Â
âOh, shit,â you moan and your head rolls back when you bottom down completely. You donât move right away, letting yourself get used to his â in fact â perfect girth and length, feeling his hands wrap around your waist to keep you from falling clumsily.Â
Haechan lets out a shaky moan too, and his eyes are closed still when you lift your head and focus on his face, but they snap open when you start moving on him.Â
âFuck, eager?â He groans, biting his lips to donât be too loud, not that it would do anything when youâre moving so fast on him, your ass smacking hard against his thighs, the sounds filling the vehicle.Â
âWanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,â you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you canât be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because youâre taking his breath away. He canât even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal.Â
âYouâre so hot,â he whispers, eyes moving on your body, watching your boobs bounce with every thrust through the skimpy top, and your thighs, fuck your thighs, he wants to squeeze them and hold them, and so he does, moving his hands there and massaging the flesh, eliciting more moans from your parted lips.Â
Your hands clench on his shoulders, your nails dig into his skin, and he lets out a groan but it surprises you when you realize itâs a moan of pleasure and not pain. Your lips twitch in a smirk before your tongue runs on them. âLike the pain?âÂ
He glares at you, moving his left hand on your ass, slapping it harshly, smirking in victory when a choked moan falls from your lips and your cunt clenches around him. âYou too, it seems,â he winks.Â
âFucker,â you slur out, narrowing your brows, and picking up a different rhythm, grinding your hips on him with force to distract him from your right hand creeping on his neck until it reaches his hair and pulls at it with a tug.Â
âShit,â he moans, thighs flexing under you at the unexpected wave of pleasure he feels rushing through his bones. âI hate you.âÂ
You donât reply, you donât need to, itâs clear he doesnât, and heâs loving it. So, you give him more, leaning in to leave small bites on his neck and collarbones. You donât let your teeth sink in his golden sink much, your goal is not to leave ugly blooms of purple and red for everyone to see, you want to feel the shivers on his skin and the hisses hitting your earlobe every time you graze his sensitive skin.Â
You pull back with a cuss when another smack lands on your other asscheek, and Haechan chuckles darkly at your surprised face.Â
âWhat, babe? Itâs the art of giving and receiving,â he says, trying to sound cocky but his breaths are short and heâs clearly fighting himself back to let out all the moans youâre eliciting from him.Â
You groan, and you almost lean in to kiss him, you donât think it through, your body moves on its own but right when your lips are about to crash you stop, seeing eye to eye. âI hope youâre having fun, then,â you retort, but your voice is shaky â he blames it on the sex â and your heart is almost pumping out of your ribcage, but he doesnât notice, he doesnât even notice your trembling hand as you try to fight off the anxiety that being so close to him, to his lips, to his eyes, gives you.Â
âSo much fun,â he snorts, pulling you closer to him by the waist and you have to pull back swiftly, gasping for air. The car feels suffocating, and when you turn around for a split second you canât see whatâs outside, glasses steamed up.Â
âWorried about people that could see us?â He teases you, bringing your attention back on him with his thumb on your clit, smirking proudly when your eyes widen and your thighs tremble, and you have no idea how youâre â not only supporting your body up â but still fucking him.Â
âWorried about going home with a corpse in the car,â you mutter when he starts moving his finger on your clit, and presses his hand on the small of your back, and you can almost feel the metal meld in your skin for how hot your body is.Â
âWant to kill me? After the best fuck of your life?â He pouts, starting to move up into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs.Â
âYou wish,â you spit out, but oh god if heâs right.Â
âThen I guess youâre not gonna come.â He forces you still down on him, the strong grip on your waist almost painful. Â
âWhat?â Your eyes snap open, and your hands have to hold onto his shoulder because your legs canât hold you up by themselves anymore.Â
âChanged your mind? Itâs good?âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back when he resumes the strokes. âIt is good, I just want to slap you for no reason.â Because you are too good, and I might already be addicted and I donât like how this sounds.Â
Haechan grins, loving the way you look like a mess in his arms but still talk back and do anything to pretend that itâs not that good. Heâs getting off to that, your blissed face, your low, needy moans, your trembling thighs, and your dripping wet pussy making a mess around him. Heâs getting off to you, and your stubbornness that makes all your weaknesses so fucking attractive.Â
âHaechan,â you slur out, letting your head fall on his shoulder while your whole body tenses up. You donât warn him, the orgasm runs through you before you can even process it, and Haechan doesnât need words anyway because your cunt clenching around him and your nails digging into his back again trigger his own release too. Your moans blend together and bounce around the car while your hips move in messy thrusts for a while more before coming to a stop, slowly letting the quiet of the night around you slip into the car and remind you two what you had just done.
âFuck,â you breathe out, forcing your torso up, and gulping while you look around and hope you werenât too lost in the pleasure and didnât hear police sirens or something.Â
âDonât worry, nobody ever walks around here,â Haechan chuckles, watching the expression on your face change into confusion, leaving the fear behind. âWhy do you think I always park here if itâs free?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper. âSo, you bring a lot of people here. Nice to know,â your comment is sarcastic but you canât deny the small veil of pettiness and jealousy behind it.Â
âHonestly?â He says, shutting down a moan of disappointment when your body leaves his, and you try to look for your purse to find tissues to clean yourself. âI never brought anybody here, not for sex at least.âÂ
You shouldnât be relieved, but you are, and you shouldnât. So you shrug it off and turn around after you pushed the dirty tissue into the empty envelope that used to contain it before. âAnd for what then?âÂ
âOccasional smoking weed sessions,â he confesses. âWhen one of my older friends used to drive me and my roommate here, and we escaped those nights with some other friends. Iâm not saying nobody ever passes by, but trust me, they donât care âcause they probably will do the same.âÂ
You hum before staring at the door handle as if it will open on its own.
âWant me to drop you home? It got late,â Haechan asks now that heâs finally put together again and looks at least decent, the flush on his face is still there and his hair is a mess, but heâs covered.Â
You shake your head and bite your thumb before your hand lays on the handle. âNo, Johnny will drop me home.âÂ
âOkay, great. Are you alright?âÂ
You laugh and look at him with a grin on your face. âPlaying boyfriend after you fucked me next to a wood?âÂ
âOh, shut up!â He yells, pushing you out, and then following you. âJust wanted to check.âÂ
âWell, I can walk on my knees, so I guess Iâm fine, thank you for your concern, Mr perfect dick.âÂ
Haechan scoffs, rolling his eyes and walking to the other side, opening the driverâs door and getting halfway in. âFuck you, Miss Iâm not fucking in a car.âÂ
âGoodnight to you, too, Haechannie. It was lovely making a new acquaintance,â you joke, and you canât hold back the smile when he starts the car and drives away all while holding his middle finger up for you to see after sending you a flying kiss.Â
When you turn around and hug yourself in your jacket to shield yourself from the cold, you curse at your first step.Â
You very much canât walk without looking like you just learnt how to stand on your feet.Â
âFuck you, Lee Haechan.âÂ
The rules arenât exactly written anywhere in your house, it wouldâve been weird if someone ever entered and found your â10 things to donât do with your fuckbuddyâ, not that many people are allowed in your apartment. That is another of your thousands of unwritten rules, itâs not like you donât have friends, you are pretty chatty with everyone and get to know people easily, but your house is your safe place, and only a few are allowed in. Haechan isnât one of that. It isnât because you arenât close with each other, by now it had been six months since you started this and well, you got to know each other pretty deeply, but you are terrified that your rules arenât his.Â
You know how to move when you go to his place, you have your ways to donât turn this amazing sex into a catastrophe of broken hearts and shed tears; the rules are simple and clear in your mind.Â
Rule number 1:Â never sleep over.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is romantic. Even when there are no feelings involved, even when no âI love yousâ can slur out of someoneâs mouth.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is dangerous.Â
You can appear a bit cold and distant, but unfortunately, you arenât. And as much you tell yourself to donât catch feelings, you may never know what happens when you fall asleep side by side and two arms start keeping you warm. Sure, you could sleep in the same bed and still stay away from each other, but what if⊠yeah, you donât even like to think about the possibility of things that arenât in your plans to happen.Â
Better safe than sorry.Â
But that rule doesnât last long. Haechan is a little too good and you always finish a little too late, so most of the time either your legs donât allow you to stand on your feet (let alone drive back home), or it is too late and there are no more buses.Â
So, rule number 1 became what used to be rule number 2: if you by mistake sleep over, leave before he wakes up.Â
This one is pretty easy to follow. Haechan is more gone than you in the morning and as soon as you hear the first ring of your alarm you are on your feet, ready to go on with your routine. Washing your face, fixing your hair, and finding your clothes so you could be out of there as soon as possible. You wouldâve dealt with the other hygienic things back at home. You often thought about carrying a small bag with you with your toothbrush, a towel, and some other things, but that felt too domestic. Even if you had to bring it from home, the idea of brushing your teeth at his place, washing your hair, taking a shower, and walking around his house with only a bathrobe, made shivers run down your spine. Too romantic.Â
Rule number 3:Â never invite him over.Â
Itâs not only for sex-related problems, itâs also because you donât want him to get too deep into you. You had spent a lot of time to make this house your home, and you are sure that if you let him in after the doorstep, he wouldâve got to know you, and you donât want that to happen. You are close, but not too close, and you want to maintain the line clear.Â
Rule number 4: no kisses. Â
Strictly no kisses outside of the bed. Your initial rule included also kisses inside of the bedroom â or whatever surface he fucked you against â but after the first kiss he stole from you, well, screw another rule. It is also quite impossible when, for some reason, you two got so primal with each other. It isnât a fucking session with him if you donât spend at least five minutes making out while your hands roam each otherâs bodies leaving marks behind. Embarrassing, you think every time those flashbacks assault your mind when you are out of the sex haze.Â
Rule number 5:Â keep it private.Â
This also was never spoken but it seemed like Haechan got it too. It isnât to protect the relationship or some other bullshit, you simply canât stand peopleâs opinions about you and your life. Also, what is the point of people knowing you two fucked? Thatâs too personal and invasive. You donât want to deal with their comments or their misunderstanding of your and Haechanâs friendship. After all, you two are friends before anything else and you act like friends, but as soon as people know something more is going on, their first brilliant idea is to make up crazy theories of how you two look like such a hot couple and would be perfect together.Â
And then there are some more, random rules you make up along the way every time you feel he is crossing some lines or you are.Â
It might seem strange that thereâs no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, itâs not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. Youâre not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?Â
Unfortunately, it never crossed your mind that they are not Haechan.Â
Youâre not sure when it all started. What youâre sure about is that you never planned for anything to start. The fuck in the car had been, unfortunately, really good, but you truly believed you could live without his dick. But maybe there was something else of him you couldnât live without, and you had no idea about it yet.
âSo, uhm, you know Haechan, right?â Johnny mutters in a low voice while you two are walking back home after you convinced him to go out for a run with you instead of going to the gym.Â
You sip from your cup of coffee and stare at him with a question mark painted all over your face, is he dumb?  âMhh, yeah, you got us in touch?âÂ
âLike him?âÂ
The coffee almost spurts out of your mouth, but you still try to keep your composure and only choke silently on the sip that youâre swallowing. âHe seems like a cool guy.âÂ
Johnny snorts, âA cool guy, really?âÂ
âWhat do you want me to say? I barely know him.â You donât like the smirk that crosses your friendâs face, you know what kind of grin it is, the smirk of a man that has a plan you know nothing about, and you donât like not being aware of what is going on. âJohnny?âÂ
âWell, you could get to know him better?âÂ
Your eyebrow rises and you almost stop walking, your brain running too fast trying to keep up with your friendâs bullshit. âWhat do you mean?â
âHe asked if I could give him your number, wanted to be sure it was okay with you.â
âHe asked about me?âÂ
Johnny hums, slurping loudly on his straw. Arenât straws banned? Why does this place still sell them? Just so he can get on your nerves? You are brought out of your straw-hatred thoughts when he speaks again.Â
âTold me you talked the other night.âÂ
âTalked,â you snort before coughing. âI mean, the music was loud, and we could barely make a conversation, but yes, he seems⊠fine.âÂ
âHe seemed interested.âÂ
âWell, give him my number, Iâm sure he wonât text me anyway.âÂ
You got Haechan wrong. So many times actually, because every time you expected he would do something, he would always surprise you by doing the opposite and you werenât sure it was a good thing.Â
When you got home after parting your ways with Johnny, the last thing you were expecting was to get out of the shower and see the notification on your phone from an unknown number.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx hi, itâs haechan. guess you remember me cause johnny gave me your numberÂ
thanks for giving him the consent btw
we were so busy last night that we didnât think about thisÂ
You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met wouldâve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a âwhat would you if I was in the shower with youâ text? Probably it is.Â
You quickly shake your head, biting your thumb, and get up from the bed, swearing because you already left a wet patch on the duvet.Â
âI canât answer naked,â you whisper, opening the chat and already thinking about what to reply. âI mean, it could come in handy if he asks for nudes but⊠what the fuck am I talking about?â You curse before throwing the locked phone in the middle of the bed and rushing to the closet to grab some new clothes.Â
When youâre all done, in black sweatpants and a white long-sleeve shirt, hair dry, and skincare applied, you slump on the bed and face what has a big chance of becoming your new toy.Â
you hi! yes i canât really forget you
âOh, jesus, are you kidding me? Thatâs cheesy. He will never get that I mean I canât forget about his fingers, tongue, and cock, right?â You huff, throwing your head back, trying to think of something else.
you hi! yes i rememberÂ
âThere, so we donât sound like a pathetic loser,â you hum happily, pressing send. And with that, you mightâve avoided that, but heâs trying to win the race of the best pathetic losers because he replies in less than a minute.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx great, feared you forgot about me againÂ
anyway, how are you?Â
You stare at the phone, not because you want to make him wait â you really couldnât get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they wonât disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply â youâre truly shocked because, damn, a small taste of you and he is already a sore loser, and youâre not ready for a half-assed small talk conversation.Â
Your fingers start typing anyway.Â
you good, went on a run with j
you?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx stayed humble and played with some of my friendsÂ
âOh, heâs a gamer? Thatâs why heâs good with his fingers,â you let out before you can think of what youâre saying, and also ask yourself since when you started talking to yourself so much. Maybe Johnny is right, being alone is fucking you up.Â
you did you win?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx of course, babe
do you know whom youâre talking to?
A loser.Â
You think but you donât write it.Â
A loser.Â
You think of yourself when reading the message, you can hear his honey-like voice whisper âbabeâ to your ear and your core starts throbbing as if sheâs been left starving for years.Â
you haha hope you had funÂ
Dammit. Since when do you suck so much at holding a conversation? Why arenât you flirting back? Wait, is he flirting?Â
Another groan leaves your lips as you plunge even southern on the bed and lock the phone again, hoping he lost interest in you after that dry-ass message and you can go back to your toys and your ex â update, the sex ranking fell down after Haechan, he wasnât even good for that anymore.Â
But Haechan surprises you, he always does. When your phone dings again you expect to find Johnny congratulating you for being a dumb bitch but instead your jaw falls on the floor.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx sure did
btwÂ
can i take you out tomorrow? johnny told me you stop working at twelve on friday so it shouldnât be a problem
dinner out? iâll come to pick you up at 7Â
âWhat the fuck?â Your attempt at donât look like a crazy single 40 years old woman that fell into madness by being only surrounded by her cats didnât last long. âWhat the actual fuck?âÂ
Is that a date? He asked you how youâre doing for some sort of niceties before dropping the question just like that? Why is Johnny so nosy going around telling your business â mental note; talk to Johnny about shutting his mouth.
you fine but i can drive thereÂ
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx no dw, itâs a surprise, iâll drive you
you thanks, i promise i wonât make you wait
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx canât wait to see you đÂ
You snort, fucking loser, before going to his contact.Â
âpathetic loserâ was added to contacts.Â
Haechan surprises you even on your first date, or whatever you could call that. As sweet as he seems, you deep down â precisely between your legs â hope it is a dick appointment, but since you arenât with your car you arenât so sure about that, he for sure isnât entering your place that night.Â
You are punctual, already waiting for him outside of your house, and immediately entering on the passenger side when he stops on the sidewalk.Â
âAm I late?â Haechan asks when he sees you step in so promptly.Â
âNo. Why wait, though? See that the first time it was Johnnyâs fault?âÂ
Haechan chuckles before giving you a brief look, studying your red dress, the heels, and the small bag, and then starts the car again. âItâs always Johnnyâs fault.âÂ
Yeah, you totally agree.
âSo, where are we going?â You ask, hating the silence thatâs filling the car. After the small talks, you stopped conversating, and even if it wasnât awkward you didnât want your brain to travel to places.Â
âI told you, itâs a surprise.âÂ
âI donât really like surprises,â you confess, turning your gaze to him, leaving the city behind you. Â
âDamn, you bite back,â he whispers, and you blink in surprise.Â
âAm I too honest?âÂ
âDonât know, I donât know you yet.âÂ
You think for a second that you should end this as soon as possible, he seems too sweet and even if you donât do it on purpose, you know you can come off as too edgy at times. Not everyone likes being told things to their faces or having set boundaries they couldnât cross, but you mean no harm, you just want your space protected.Â
âIt wasnât supposed to come out harshly, Iâm sorry,â you say, trying to meet his eyes and when he stops at the traffic lights, he turns to stare at you. âIt was kinda a âget to know meâ information and I sounded like a bitch.âÂ
Haechan laughs, shaking his head, fingers tapping on the wheel, probably to release the tension in his muscles. âI wasnât offended, I just wasnât expecting you to be so upfront. People⊠lie.âÂ
âI hate liars,â your voice comes out just like before and you curse under your breath. Â
âAnother âget to know meâ information?â He questions, his voice playful while a gentle smile curls his lips.Â
You roll your eyes, shaking your head. âAdd it to the list, it might be helpful if you donât want to end up on my blacklist.âÂ
The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that⊠he is not an asshole.Â
You expected he would say something during dinner to make your pussy dry, brain dead and stomach convulsing with the urge of puking, but⊠he didnât. Nothing dumb, insensitive, tone-deaf, cringy, or creepy came out of his mouth.Â
Even when he flirted, he knew how to do it right. He was so fucking good at it, being so subtle he left you speechless and warm, making you dizzy, and, after the tenth eyebrow rise and lick of his lips, even wet.Â
And he was funny. Quickly going down the memory lane you could recall that the only man that genuinely made you smile so much was Johnny.Â
And well, youâre not quite sure how to feel about this.Â
The only thing you feel is the disappointment when he drops you back home and you know you wonât get a good fuck out of that â amazing â night.Â
âSo, did you have a great time?â He asks, rubbing his hands together to warm them while he turns his torso to stare at you, and you see his eyes linger on you a bit more, probably wanting to take in for the last time how beautiful you looked that night, not that he ever stopped reminding you. Â
âYeah,â you whisper, almost shily. âIt was fun, and the food was so good.â Yeah, the food. Not you. Absolutely not you. Never you.Â
Haechan smiles, nodding. âGlad you had fun; Iâve never been there, so it was a shot in the dark.âÂ
âMhh,â you hum, staring at his lips, thinking how badly you want them on you before shaking your head. âIt was a good shot in the dark.âÂ
âYeah, sometimes I donât make a mess,â he jokes, and you let out a laugh too. Good for you, you think. You always make a mess, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.Â
âWell, itâs⊠kinda late,â you start saying, rubbing your arms with your palms, and tapping your heels, hoping he would make a move and drive you to his place, as if he could mentally get you and know that youâre insane and there are only five people that can set foot in your house.Â
âYeah,â he mumbles, looking at you. Probably thinking the same, itâs only logical for him to expect you to be the one to make the first move, your place is right behind you, and you only have to ask him to go inside. But you donât. And he doesnât even think about kissing you, of course, he doesnât, you didnât even let him kiss you while he was fucking you, heâs sure you would slap him if he only moved closer now.Â
ââKay,â you sigh, undoing the belt and placing your hand on the handle, âIâll go in. Thanks for the night, the drive, the food, and the laughs.â A tender smile is sitting on your face when you say that to him before making your way out, bending to say goodbye again, just in time to get the thin veil of slight disappointment and sadness in his eyes.Â
âThatâs what matters,â he smiles. âWe can do this again. If you want to,â he adds, panicking, almost as if he had asked to marry you just to regret it two seconds later.Â
âYeah, we can,â you smile. âItâs pretty chilly out here, so,â you shrug, âgoodnight?âÂ
âCanât wait to see you again, then. Goodnight,â he says before waving at you.Â
You see he waits for you to get inside before his car starts again to head home and you find yourself grinning like a fool when the door closes behind you. Â
Yeah, heâs definitely a loser. Â
You could call that the start of your friendship, but surely not where the benefits started. Actually, the whole sex thing took a toll for a few weeks where you only got to know each other and hung out casually. You canât lie, you were sad about it, and you thought you screw it all up that night when you didnât let him in; nothing couldâve gone wrong for one time you let him in, right? He wouldâve fucked you into the weekend, making you see heaven, and then you couldâve kicked him out of the house, right? But you didnât, and now you are here, absorbed in your torments, trying to find a way to get back to where you started, possibly without ruining your friendship, of course.Â
You know the chemistry between you two is still there, but itâs like heâs holding back. You surely arenât; flirting shamelessly with him, sometimes even in front of your â now common â friends (no need to worry about Johnny, he knows you can flirt with plants when youâre in a peak of insanity and good mood, nothing of your remarks is ever serious â it is with Haechan, but he doesnât know â you just have zero skills of keeping your tongue inside your mouth and your thoughts inside your brain).Â
So, you understand that you need to make a bolder move, the dinners and the meets up around town arenât working, and your move is Johnny and another night out at the club.Â
It works. After dancing together almost all night in a corner of the club, you find yourself pressed against a wall while his hands run on your body and his lips â shily â kiss your neck, and you know you got him.Â
âYour place,â you slur, pushing him away, and grabbing his hand to drag him to get your jackets.Â
âBut Markâs at ââÂ
âAs far as I am concerned, Mark can listen to us all night, I donât care. Weâre not fucking in the car.âÂ
âYour place. What about your plaââ he tries to argue but your glare when you turn around and youâre now face to face stops him.Â
âYour place, now.âÂ
Heâs good at following orders, or maybe youâre just scary when you want to, but whatever the motive, all that matters to you is that after a fifteen minutes drive â the longest of your life â and a few minutes walk from the car to the apartment, you have Haechan buried between your legs, eating you out as if thatâs what he was sent on earth to do.Â
You wish you could care about trying to keep it low and donât moan loudly for Mark, but when Haechan slips two fingers in you and starts sucking on your clit with more strength, his poor roommate slips out of your mind completely.Â
âFuck,â you moan as your head rolls back, rubbing against the pillows of his bed, and your legs part unconsciously.Â
âYouâre so embarrassingly wet,â Haechan notices, standing on his elbow and licking his lips clean with a flick of his tongue. âBet even Mark can hear how wet you are,â he mocks, quickening the pace of his fingers inside your cunt, causing the lewd sounds of your wetness to be even louder.Â
âShut up!â You groan, slamming your hand next to you on the mattress before your fist moves in a ball and traps the sheets between your fingers.Â
Haechan grins, and a chuckle rolls from his lips while his eyes skim your face, meeting your eyes that are â pathetically â trying to glare at him. âYouâre so pretty like this, you know?âÂ
Another annoyed grunt slips out of your mouth, and you move your head to the side to avoid seeing his face.Â
But Haechan clicks his tongue and pulls out of you, making you whine and move your hand to bring his fingers right where they were. Heâs faster than you when he sits up and cups your face with his clean hand as his fingers plunge back into you with no warning, cutting the air in your lungs and causing your eyes to flutter shut.Â
âKeep your eyes on me,â he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. âThatâs it, pretty girl.âÂ
The way those two words roll from his lips shouldnât make your stomach twist, but they do, you prefer blaming it on the way his fingers are pumping in and out of you, brushing against your sweet spot and driving you closer to the climax second after second.Â
âIâm...â you mumble, chest lifting erratically because the eye contact is driving you more insane than his hand in you, â...close.âÂ
The grin that appears on his face is so slappable but you have no strength to lift your hand and do anything, and Haechan can see it in your eyes. Thatâs how he wants you, speechless.Â
âCome for me, babe,â he urges you, pressing his thumb on your clit and moving it in circles.Â
âFuck,â you rasp out, your hand reaches his wrist, and he shakes his head, tsking.Â
âNo, youâre not pushing me away,â he says, but he doesnât move your hand away, you are not even trying to push him off, well, you are, but the attempt is laughable and embarrassing.Â
âToo much, too much,â you cry out, voice coming out muffled by his hand still wrapped around your chin. âHaechan, please.âÂ
âCome, we both know you can take much more, donât play with me,â he growls, leaning in to trap your lips in a messy, heated kiss. âBe good and come for me, would you?âÂ
You moan and hum against his lips, your hand around his wrist tightens the grip but not to push him away, to hold onto him while his fingers move even faster in and out, your hips buck up and your feet press against the mattress while he keeps you down. You feel like you canât breathe when the orgasm breaks through and you see stars, shaking under him as you feel the grin on his face as he muffles your whimpers in his mouth.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â you cry out, slapping his hand away when he doesnât stop moving after your high dimmed down. âHaechan, fucking stop.âÂ
He laughs deeply and stands away from you, his fingers slip out of you but soon after theyâre inside his mouth as he licks them clean while staring straight into your eyes.Â
âYou will drive me insane,â you mutter low enough only for you to hear and Haechan raises a brow, silently questioning you to repeat, but you wonât tell him that. âFuck me,â you request instead, sitting and grabbing the hem of your shirt to lift it off your head, throwing it around the room.Â
âHey, I wanted to undress you,â he pouts, watching you unclasp the bra that meets the same fate as the shirt soon after.Â
âToo late, shouldâve thought about it before.âÂ
He rolls his eyes but doesnât move from his position, too busy staring at your naked form. âFuck, youâre so fucking beautiful.âÂ
Your eyes roll back in your skull while a heavy sigh leaves your lips. âGreat, can you fuck me, please,â your voice is venomously nice, and gets him on top of you in a second.Â
âThough it was too much? Are you sure you can take it?âÂ
âIf you donât fuck me, Iâll ask Mark to do it and will make you watch while youâre tied to a chair.âÂ
He whistles with enthusiasm, raising a brow, âThat sounds pretty hot, you know? But I donât think Markâs the type to enjoy these things. Should we ask somebody else?âÂ
âIs there anything that is actually a threat to you or are you so horny that anything is a possibility?âÂ
ïżœïżœDonât know,â he whispers with a light tone as he leans in and starts kissing your neck, moving down until his lips wrap around your hard nipple, sucking harshly enough to make you hiss before he keeps talking, âisnât life boring if you donât at least try everything once?âÂ
Your stare could burn him alive. âI swear this is the last time youâre fucking me.âÂ
âOh, shut up,â he groans, kissing you to silence you. âAnything legal and not dangerous.âÂ
âI donât care about that,â you almost scream. âJust fuck me, now.âÂ
âAsk nicely,â he coos, caressing your cheek with the back of his index finger and you glare at him.Â
âMark.âÂ
âFine,â he rolls his eyes and before you can say another word he slips into you. Your teeth trap your lower lip to muffle a high moan to be heard in the entire house and your nails dig into his back. âGave you what you wanted.âÂ
âNot yet,â you whisper through gritted teeth as your body gets used to his size. âFuck me.âÂ
âAs you wish,â he replies, adjusting better between your legs to find the right position, and after a few seconds, heâs thrusting into you. This is ten times more comfortable than the fuck in the car and you canât believe itâs happening again. âYeah, definitely like you better like this,â he comments with a cocky smirk, his eyes are still on your face, and his hands are holding tight on your hips.Â
âLike you better when you fuck me and keep your mouth shut,â you bite back. You donât know why you two get so heated up during sex â fair, two times is not enough to draw conclusions and come up with statistics, but to you, itâs clear this is the way you two talk to each other when things get spicy â when you talk normally, youâre not like this.Â
Haechan rolls his eyes and grunts as he pushes with more vigor inside you, swiftly pushing your thighs against your chest with his body, and blocking your wrists over your head. His lips crush messily against yours, trapping them in a rough kiss.Â
Your eyes roll in the back of your head when he hits the sensitive spot inside you, and your legs immediately wrap around his waist to keep him close to you. You havenât died yet â obviously â but this feels like the closest thing to heaven â you doubt youâll go to heaven, to be honest â but anyway this; his hips rolling against you so perfectly, his hand on your hip and the other around your wrist, his lips on your neck and collarbones, and his cock buried deep into you, this is a taste of heaven, the higher you ever felt and probably will ever feel. And it feels humiliating that heâs got you like this after the second time together, but you donât want to fight the feeling.Â
And you donât. You moan, even letting out chants of his name shamelessly, and he has to remind you with an amused grin that youâre not alone. Mark is right next door and as funny as it might be, Haechan is not sure he wants to share you in any kind of way, no, not even the way you whimper and squirm under him.Â
âKeep quiet, babe,â he hushes you, kissing you again, and you have no strength to push him off. Maybe you can get used to his kisses, after all, itâs just sex, and for some spell, Haechan turns everything he does into sex, so a few heated kisses while he pounds into you until the bed squeaks wonât make you fall head over heels for him.Â
You nod, eyelids fluttering as you try to focus on him. His brown hair is falling on his forehead, and thereâs a cute, sexy, frown in the middle of his forehead, while his eyes are staring into yours, and you feel the knot in your stomach tug strongly, making your breath cut short. He is so intense, itâs like he can reach so deep into you and discover parts of you that are still untouched.Â
âHaechan, fuck,â your voice gets higher when he pulls your hips closer to him and changes angle to fuck into you better, âI wonât last.âÂ
He snorts, âGood.âÂ
âNo, no good, IâŠâ I want you. I want you all night. I want you all over me until your smell consumes mine. You want to scream but itâs too pathetic. You never went this far for some sex. But nobody ever felt this good either.Â
âI can fuck you all night,â he chuckles while his thumb finds your clit and starts torturing you even more. âDonât believe me?âÂ
You groan. You do. You just know. Heâs been sent by the gods at this point and youâre sure you wonât find flaws in him anytime soon, but you canât. You canât stay the night. You canât let him get so deep into your skin so soon.Â
âCome,â he urges you, âdonât hold back.âÂ
Your jaw tenses before going slack when he flicks your clit just right, triggering your orgasm. Itâs intense, running into you from head to toe with so much force that you have to slap your hand on your mouth to avoid waking Mark up. You think Haechanâs close too, you can hear how his moans got lighter and whinier, but once again, he surprises you.Â
You donât have time to complain when Haechan pulls away, leaving you empty. He turns you around, lightly slapping your asscheek to order you to get on your knees while your shoulders stay flat on the mattress, you wouldnât have the strength to stand on your arm even if you wanted to.Â
âWant one more?â He asks against your ear, teasing his tip against your soaked entrance and brushing it against your throbbing clit in quick motions.Â
You hum, nodding against the pillow, âPlease, please, fuck me again.â
You almost feel the smirk against your face before he fills you once more, stretching your sensitive pussy, making more of your cum drip out of you.Â
Your eyes fall shout, a raspy, low moan slips out of your lips, this position is making you feel him even more as the first orgasm has enhanced your senses. You feel like a puddle under him.Â
âYou feel so good, baby,â he groans, throwing his head back as he picks up the rhythm of before, holding onto your hips so tightly his nails sink into your skin, making you hiss in pleasure. âSo warm and wet for me.âÂ
You hide your head between the pillows, biting back the moans, wondering why Mark didnât push down the door already because thereâs no way heâs not hearing all of this. But for some reason, the idea of him listening turns you on even more.Â
And itâs like Haechan gets it. He leans back against you, brushing your hair away so his lips can be right against your earlobe. âWhat are you thinking, babe?âÂ
âMa-mark,â you slur through ragged breaths, ânot him, not like,â the words die in your throat, afraid he might misunderstand, âwhat if he knows?âÂ
Haechanâs laugh hits you straight to the core, itâs deep and mocking, and you clench harder around him. âOh, honey,â he whispers, and his voice feels like honey, thick and velvety, âI think he knows.âÂ
You shake your head, trying to convince yourself he might be a heavy sleeper, but your body is following another direction, feeling excited just at the idea, so you push your ass up.Â
âYou canât keep quiet, youâre so fucking loud itâs like you want to get caught,â he taunts, smacking the side of your thighs, smirking when your muscles tense in response. âWant him to know Iâm making you feel this good?âÂ
You deny with a movement of your head, but words fail to come out because you feel on the edge again and you donât know how much longer you can last.Â
Haechan clicks his tongue and then presses his chest against your back. âLetâs see if this can keep you quiet.â The last thing you expect are his fingers pushed into your mouth, but after the first surprise, you donât even complain. Your mouth wraps around his three digits and you start to suck on them eagerly, receiving a moan of approval from him. âFuck, youâre so fucking hot.â He knows he wonât last when your eyes flutter at the compliment and you start sucking on them even harder, he can only think about you taking his cock instead.Â
âFuck, fuck,â he mumbles, as the images in his fantasy and the one in front of his eyes start having the best on him, hips starting to lose control, âIâm close.âÂ
You start fucking back into him, and thatâs the last thing he needs to come. His moans are higher, and when you turn your head to the side you see his trying to hold them in, biting his lips and gripping your hips tighter with the hand that is not in your mouth.Â
The sight of him losing his mind is enough to make you lose yours. Youâre in ecstasy as your orgasm pervades your body.Â
âShit,â Haechan growls one last time, his fingers slip out of your mouth and he pulls out of you before heâd like to, squirting some of his cum on your ass and thighs. âOh, shit, Iâm sorry.âÂ
You barely realize what heâs talking about, but honestly, you donât care. For what youâre concerned, after the fuck you had, he couldâve come all over you and you wouldnât have minded.
âItâs fine,â you breathe out. Your eyes fall shut as you focus on your erratic breath, feeling him slump next to you without any other words.Â
âAre you okay? Was it too much?â He asks, and at first, you think heâs bragging but when your eyes meet, you realize heâs being genuine. So you nod and beam at him as the only reply you can give him at the moment.Â
You lie in silence for a bit, your bodies are not touching and you can only feel his heavy breath calm down with yours as you both wait for your body to cool down again. You donât wait to be fully recovered to stand up and slip out of the covers, too afraid that sleep will take over you and block you at his side.Â
âWhat are you doing?â He questions, staring at you with an arm under his head.Â
âPutting my clothes back on,â you reply with a lift of shoulders as if that wasnât obvious. You try to search for a bin where you can throw the tissues you used to clean yourself but you canât find any, so you remind yourself to search in the kitchen before leaving. Â
âYou can wear something mine.âÂ
âI would have to hand it back next time we see each other, I can survive in this a bit longer.âÂ
âYouâre sleeping with those clothes?â Confusion blooms on his face as he watches your shaky hands struggle with the zip.Â
âNo, Iâll change myself into my nightgown.âÂ
A frown almost connects his brows before he voices out his doubts, âI donât have it here.âÂ
âIâm leaving,â you say with a hint of annoyance, he thought you were sleeping there, really?Â
âLeaving? You can stay.âÂ
You donât answer immediately, grabbing your phone to book a ride home, and then reply while shoving the phone in your bag. âNo, thanks.âÂ
âDo I have to drive you home?âÂ
âNo, Iâve already called a Uber.âÂ
You see Haechanâs mouth move but nothing comes out and he only stretches his limbs. âI think that might take a while to arrive, though. Itâs cold outside.âÂ
âItâs spring,â you say, walking to the mirror on wobbly legs to make sure you look decent, fixing your air and clothes.Â
âItâs still cold. At least wait in the living room,â he proposes, now sitting on the mattress as he doesnât take his eyes off of you.Â
âIâll be fine,â you smile, turning around, and holding your bag on your shoulder. âI survived walking in a wood at night when I was fifteen, I can survive waiting under your buildingâs porch.âÂ
âYouâre always so â so,â he sighs, shaking his head, giving up finding an adjective to describe you.Â
You chuckle, âAlways? And you donât know me yet.âÂ
âIt sounds like a threat,â he says, running his fingers through his hair.Â
You open the door, and take a step outside, only showing him your face as you wink, âOh, it is.âÂ
Probably there was some magic in the air â the polluted air of the city made some kind of magic happen â but from then on, Haechan stopped holding back. He wasnât shy when he texted you âhouse empty, wanna come over?â leaving no doubts about what was going to happen if you said yes. You found it funny how he treated Mark like his parents, especially after you were sure he heard you fuck that night, but of course, you said yes.Â
pathetic loser dinner at that trashy fast food place with the arcade and then dessert at my placeđÂ
And you said yes.Â
pathetic loser iâm busy this friday but marksâs out saturday so we have the whole day to ourselvesÂ
And you said yes. p.s: he made you come like ten times, so it was worth it.Â
pathetic loser wanna skip the group hang out and fuck around?Â
And you said yes.Â
You kept saying yes until you also started asking, and he obviously didnât decline. It flowed and usually, you didnât like to leave things unnamed, but you were terrified that if you asked, âwhat are we?â he wouldâve run away scared or, worse, confessed with his big brown eyes and that fucking glint they had inside.Â
You didnât need him anyway to know what you were. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, sex partners, or any other name you want to give it, you were that. Nothing more and nothing less.Â
It still wasnât your typical thing. You two never sat down and discussed anything, your dear boundaries were nowhere to be found, or better, they existed, somehow he respected them, but you never said them out loud. Not that it was hard to get them, when you never invited him home, never leaned in for a kiss, and never stayed over, he knew your limits and that he had to respect them.Â
So, everything worked perfectly fine.Â
Until your rules started to be broken one by one before you could even notice, or better, before you could care to fix all the changes that were happening in your life because of Haechan.Â
pathetic loser hey
me and the boys are going on a trip to the coast this weekendÂ
wanna come along?Â
you who are the boys?Â
pathetic loser yes, johnny is comingÂ
You roll your eyes at the screen before tapping a reply.
you didnât ask that : /Â
but yes, need some time offÂ
you will pick me up, right?Â
pathetic loser youâre so pretentious
donât you think i should propose to you to come pick you up like a gentleman?Â
you fine gentleman, pick me up at my place, see you this friday!Â
pathetic loser i canât stand youÂ
Itâs Johnnyâs fault. Itâs his house on the coast, his parentsâ, to be precise. Itâs his fault if right now you have Haechan so close and canât make a move because whatever is going on between you two is a secret.Â
Youâre still not sure why it wasnât Johnny the one to invite you there, you wonder if maybe Haechan slipped and confessed to him that something is going on between you, but youâre sure that Johnny wouldâve already bragged to you about how he made the âperfect matchâ or how it was thanks to him you were finally getting laid, surely after screaming at you because âwe never keep things a secret from each otherâ.Â
Youâre brought out of your thoughts when a ball hits you and you lift your head to see Mark running to you, mumbling apologies as if he had stabbed you.Â
âIâm fine, itâs just a ball,â you smile to reassure him and lift a hand to cover your eyes because the sun is annoying you. Unfortunately, the sun is not blinding you enough for your wishes because you can perfectly see Haechan playing volleyball a few meters in front of you. Youâre sitting on the sand, a sundress on you, while the others left you to play. You werenât in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you wouldâve done to the man you couldnât drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud.Â
âHey, want something to drink?â Youâre still so caught up that you donât realize Haechan is talking to you. His blouse is big and covers his body, only leaving his arms exposed and a small portion of his chest â he doesnât like to show much of his body â and you get lost in his sun-kissed skin another time, but when he calls your name, you shake your head and cough, trying to play it cool.Â
âYes, what?âÂ
âWeâre grabbing something to drink, want some?âÂ
âOh, yeah, some tea.âÂ
âGot it,â he says as if heâs accepting a commend and waves you goodbye before running to the others and you follow him with your gaze until he gets out of your line of view.Â
You sigh, fanning yourself because even if luckily today the weather is not too hot, you still canât stand the heat sticking to your skin. Youâve pondered before about jumping in the sea and freshening up, but if just seeing the others having fun had brought back too many â painful â memories, youâre not so sure you can take having âfunâ in person. Â
âHereâs your tea,â Haechan says after a while with a bottle in hand, once again pulling you out of the tornado of melancholia that was drowning you.Â
You smile, lifting your head and grabbing the drink from his hand. âPeach? How do you know itâs my favorite?âÂ
âYou told me,â he replies, sitting next to you, a bit too close, but you donât scoot over, you like the way your legs brush against each other and also the fact he decided to sit with you and not with your group of friends near the volleyball net.Â
âDid I? When?âÂ
Haechan laughs at the surprised expression that creates a cute, small crease on your forehead and says, âthe few times we had a serious conversation that didnât include dirty talking?âÂ
You roll your eyes, open the lid and take a sip of the cold liquid, immediately feeling better. âYou make it sound as if we donât hang out normally.âÂ
âWe do,â he replies but itâs like heâs not done, as if thereâs something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, âbut you never say anything about yourself.âÂ
You chuckle nervously, fingers fidgeting with the cap of the bottle. âWhatâs to know about me?âÂ
âEverything. Youâre a secret.âÂ
You can hear the bittersweetness in his tone, and if youâd stare for a second more, you would also catch it in his eyes, but you dismiss him and the things heâs silently telling you with his body. You sneer under your breath and shake your shoulders before words roll from your mouth. âSecrets are exciting.âÂ
He nods, pressing his lips in a thin line to hold in a groan of disagreement. âWhen you know them and you have to keep them away from the rest of the world.âÂ
âYou want to keep me away?â You joke tenderly, meeting his brown eyes, even warmer and more welcoming now that the sunlight is reflecting in them.Â
He laughs, shaking his head. This time heâs the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesnât want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. âIâm just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know.âÂ
You hum, nodding while staring at the sand, showing nonchalance even if thereâs a circus in your stomach. Maybe you can give him something without breaking another one of your rules, but you soon realize that he already knows the small things about you that you told him to get to know each other. He knows where you work, he knows you have a brother, and you know he has two and a sister. He knows you once found a grass snake in a park and took it home because you wanted a snake pet and your father almost threw you outside (affectionately, no kids or animals were hurt, you just had to give it back to nature). He knows your birthday and your favorite color. Isnât that enough?Â
âThereâs nothing to know about me.âÂ
âOh, yeah, youâre boring, arenât you?â He mocks with sarcasm and his head falls back in annoyance. âYou donât strike as the bland type of person so try again.âÂ
âI just donât get what you want to know. Ask me questions and Iâll answer.â And Iâll lie, thatâs what you truly think.Â
But Haechan shakes his head, gulping down another mouthful of water. âNevermind, you donât get it.âÂ
No, you donât get it, or maybe youâre pretending not to get it, that he wants to know you. He wants to learn by watching, by studying you, but you always slip away, you donât let him close. He doesnât care about questions, this is not a quiz for him, but maybe thatâs the fun of you. He has to work extra hard. And he will.
 âItâs pretty here.â Haechanâs voice fills the night air, itâs chilly outside, and youâre sitting on the small sofa under the porch. Thereâs nobody but the two of you at home, the others decided to go out and visit the small coastal town at night, but you were too tired to drag your feet any longer, and honestly, you thought you were all alone.
You hum, moving to the side to leave him some space next to you. âWe used to come here during summer,â you let out, and itâs impossible to control the smile on your face when you remember your childhood with your and Johnnyâs family. âI always sat here at night, I liked the quiet of the beach and the lights of the towns of the coast. My brother didnât get it,â you chuckle, shaking your head, âhe was too busy playing with Johnny. Even when they stopped being best friends, it was like something shifted in summer. Something about this place feelsâŠÂ different.âÂ
Haechan smiles, heâs not staring at the view, his eyes are locked on you. He thinks that you are different here. He canât say you two arenât close, but itâs clear you never let him too close, and heâd like to know why. He knows exactly where your relationship stands, itâs just sex, and heâs fine like this, really, but he wonders if you only do it to protect your heart from unwanted inconveniences or if you donât trust him enough to let him in. He often thought about prying it with Johnny, but he knows that as soon as your name will slip out of his lips, Johnny will twist everything, and probably that would drift you even further from him. You never had a conversation but itâs clear you both want to keep this between you.Â
âIt feels like the world stops here,â he says instead to donât let the conversation die before moving his gaze away, hearing you hum an affirmative response.Â
It really feels like time has stopped, and thereâs undefined electricity running between you, itâs the same as always and itâs different at the same time.Â
âJohnny didnât tell me about this,â you breathe out; you know it could end in a catastrophe, but you need answers. âDid he ask you to invite me, or did you do it?âÂ
Haechan doesnât answer right away, you see him gulp and you fear the worst. There it is, the confession you donât need, you donât want it, because he is the best sex you ever had, nobody ever made you feel like that, he completely unplugs your brain and for a few hours, you can leave all your problems at the door, and also because after all, heâs a good friend, and love would screw this all up.Â
âHe told me I could invite some other of our friends,â he replies, âand I asked about you, and he told me I could ask. He was going to invite you, but I did it first,â he explains, playing with a loose string of his shorts that are barely covering his thighs. âWhy?âÂ
You shrug, itâs the only thing you can do, a breath of relief would be too obvious. âNothing, I was just wondering. Usually, he organizes these things with me.âÂ
âOh,â he whispers, âI think that initially it was supposed to be a boysâ thing only, then Mark brought up Minjeong and here we are.âÂ
You know he doesnât mean it that way, but that âhere we areâ makes shivers run down your spine. Because here you are. This is the closest thing to breaking rule number 3 and 4 and so many others. Itâs just the two of you, watching the sunset while the sea plays its melody just for you to listen. This is romantic. Heâs not fucking you shamelessly under the porch where everyone can see. You are laughing together, passing a bottle of soju, and sharing touches that feel too intimate. You canât break any more rules.Â
âI was thinking â oh, shit,â Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. âWow, fuck, needy tonight?âÂ
You donât reply, your lips move down to bite his neck while your hips start grinding on him.Â
âCalm down, damn, Iâm not going anywhere,â he chuckles, wrapping his hands on your waist now that the shock is gone, âand donât mark me, you donât want the others to find out, right?âÂ
No, you donât. Or maybe you do, maybe itâs time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel youâre going down a slippery slope and you donât like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you canât, deep down, you donât want to.Â
âItâs only been a week,â Haechan mumbles through the kiss. âYouâre so needy.âÂ
âCan you just shut up?â You argue, pressing your hips down on him, smirking when you feel his dick start to press up against you. âSo, you do want me.âÂ
He snorts, âOf course, I do. I wasnât rejecting, I was just pointing out â fuck,â he whimpers breathlessly when you bite his lips and his nails dig in the exposed skin of your back, your crop top leaving so much bare.Â
âWant you,â you say as if you have to make it any more obvious.Â
âItâs a bit too public, donât you think so?âÂ
You shake your head, moving a hand between your bodies to open the button of your shorts but he stops you again, forcing your hands behind your back, catching you by surprise.Â
âIâd love to fuck you right here, in front of the sea and the sunset, but if one of our friends comes back before time, weâre fucked with no way out, so⊠can we take it inside?âÂ
You nod, mumbling a faint positive answer, thinking of getting up and running upstairs, but Haechan has no intention of breaking the contact. He lifts you up after freeing your hands so you can secure them around his neck and then pushes the front door open.Â
âLetâs give it a turn of keys,â he says, twisting the keys in the lock so youâll have extra time if by the time theyâll come back you wonât be done. You wait patiently, enjoying the way it feels to be in his arms, and let him carry you on the second floor where the bedroom you share is. Was it a great thing or a curse, you still canât tell, but for now it seems like a good thing.Â
When you cross the doorframe, the clothes are on the floor in less than a minute and your bodies are already tangled in the bedsheets, hands running on each other with eager and soft whimpers filling those four walls.Â
You donât keep track of how long you spend kissing â or eating each other â but youâre sure a few minutes pass by of you just grinding against each other while your tongues and lips meet in a mess.Â
âFuck,â Haechan whispers, his hot breath puffing against your warm, wet, now plumper, lips. âComâere.â He lays on the bed, patting the space next to his face and you stare at him with confused eyes. He sighs, âOn my face, honey. On my face.âÂ
âOh.âÂ
He quirks a brow. âYou were so eager before, what happened?âÂ
You shake your head, moving closer to him, planting your knees at the sides of his chest. âI was, I mean, I am, I want you.âÂ
âSo? On my face.âÂ
âI â I donâtâŠâÂ
Haechanâs eyes roll back and a heavy annoyed groan comes out of his mouth, âOh God, donât tell me your ex never done that?â
âHyuck, he would rarely eat me out while I was laying, do you think he would make me sit on his face?âÂ
âAsshole.â Â
âHaechan!âÂ
âHeâs an asshole, you know it! But Iâm not, so come here and sit on your throne.âÂ
âYou didnât just call your face my throne?â Your tone is a mix of annoyance and incredulity, but you actually found that too hot to handle.Â
âI very much did. And now, do I have to drag you or will you fucking sit?âÂ
You gulp, nodding swiftly, but your legs are slower at moving next to his face and he doesnât like your hesitation. You yelp when his hands grab your ass and your thigh and pull you right where he wanted you.Â
âWas it that hard?â He asks teasingly, almost growling so close to your skin, before winking at your flustered face.Â
The sight of him under you, and his breath colliding with your pussy, make your knees tremble already. âNo â no.âÂ
âGood. But you still didnât listen,â he says sternly.
âI did, Iâm on your face,â you defend.Â
âAre you sitting?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âWhat are you waiting for? Do I have to do everything tonight?â His tone is getting lower, and the edge of anger in it causes your pussy to clench around nothing.Â
âBut I will⊠I will break your neck.âÂ
âAnd I will die like a man,â he insists, challenging you with a glare.
âNo, itâs ââÂ
His mad, animalistic, growl on your pussy when he forcefully slams you on him makes you choke on a moan and throw your head back while your hands automatically grab the headboard to hold onto something. Haechan tends to always be messy when he eats you out, he never does things you donât like, but he has to make sure you know heâs enjoying it, so heâs always a bit messier and louder than he has to be. But this time heâs taking his everything to let you know how badly he wants you. His fingers are planted on your skin, his nose is pressing right against your clit while his tongue moves to leave kitten licks that quickly turn into open-mouthed kisses.Â
âFuck,â you moan, hands clenching tight around the bar, and head falling down to see him. His eyes are closed and heâs having the time of his life as he sucks at your clit and lips with eagerness.Â
âYouâre so hot from here,â he mumbles, stopping only for a second to catch his breath before he resumes his movements. His pink muscle moves down, teasing your entrance, slurping up the juices that are dripping out of you, and when your thighs clench around his head in response, he groans gutturally.
You think you hurt him and try to pull up, but he forces you down with strength.Â
âDonât fucking move,â he growls, glaring at you, and you can only hum in reply, feeling your body melt under his skilled movements.Â
When Haechanâs lips dare to move down on your sensitive rim, you jolt, but heâs fast at keeping you in place, his hands on your thighs as he presses them down and sends you a daring glare.Â
âHae â I donât thinkâŠâÂ
âYeah, exactly, donât think,â he snarls, the movements on you getting sloppier and louder, making you start to grind against him unconsciously.Â
Moans choke you up as he explores new things with you, sending you into a new dimension. You canât fully comprehend youâre sitting on top of his face while he messily eats out your pussy and your ass. You canât believe heâs moaning under you, holding you tight, one hand busy touching your ass while the other wonders on your upper chest caressing your waist and your boobs.Â
You feel high and drunk on him. So much you can barely mutter a warning before you come, shaking on top of him, your movements are frenetic as you reach your peak while cries of his name slur out of your mouth with low moans. A tear almost slips from your eyes when Haechan doesnât stop right away and keeps stimulating your sensitive spots, itâs too much and you collapse on the other side, trying to catch your breath.Â
Haechan chuckles, licking up your juices before rubbing his nose against your neck. âFuck, Iâd eat you out for days,â he comments, rubbing his hands on your stomach. âYouâre so pretty when you moan and squirm, whether on top of me or under, and you taste so good.âÂ
âYou never let me pay you back.âÂ
He giggles, kissing you, âyou donât have to.âÂ
âBut maybe I want to,â you pout. You canât deny that you live for how much Haechan loves giving you oral, but you enjoy sucking him off just as much. You love how he lets you have control, how husky and warm his moans are, and you love when his hands weakly wrap around your hair⊠well, he only let you do it once but you had the time of your life and that never happened when you went down with your ex soâŠÂ
âHave you ever tried anal?â He asks out of nowhere, surprising you.Â
âWith someone? No. By myself⊠maybeâŠâÂ
He raises a brow while a smirk curls his lips. âMaybe? What kind of answer is that?âÂ
âI did,â you confess, feeling shy all of a sudden. Â
âUh,â he coos, poking your side playfully, âhad fun?âÂ
You lick your lips, shrugging. âFine, I did. I think I like it, but it might be different with, you know, a real person.âÂ
âWould you try?â He asks timidly, looking at you with puppy eyes. As if he has to beg to make you do something, as if he doesnât know you would try anything with him.Â
âYeah, why not.â
âGood, fuck,â he kisses you after letting out the breath he was holding in. âWanna fuck your ass,â he whispers against your neck, but you can feel the ear-to-ear smile on his face, âwanna be your first time.âÂ
Youâd dwell on how cheesy that sounds a bit more if only it wasnât for his hands groping your ass and squeezing hard while he ruts against your thigh like a pup in heat.Â
âYouâre pathetic,â you mock playfully, tugging his hair back, eliciting a broken moan from him. Â
âAnd youâre hot,â he breathes out, moving on top of you to shush you with a kiss while his right arm falls under the bed to search for something. âBeen thinking about this all day. You looked so pretty in that short white dress.âÂ
A small smile paints on your face, but it drops when he keeps rummaging in his bag next to the bag. âCanât you get up to get, I guess, the lube?âÂ
âNo,â he almost growls. âWant you.âÂ
âIâm not going anywhere, come on, need you to fuck me.âÂ
âYouâre so impatient,â he groans, âbut I got it!â He lifts his hand, showing you the small bottle of lube and you snicker at his proud smile.Â
âYouâre such a loser, youâre lucky youâre with me because anybody else wouldâve been out of the door by now.âÂ
âAnd they would lose the best dick of their life, so, dumb decision,â Haechan says before his lips crash on yours again. âAnd youâre not that dumb, right?âÂ
You shake your head, already feeling your breathing get shorter when his lube-covered fingers start playing with your rim.Â
âYou looked so, so fucking hot in that short sundress, fuck,â he moans, pulling away to sit between your legs, he pushes a finger inside and you bite back a moan. âWanted to press you against the handrail and fuck you right there on the restaurant balcony.âÂ
Your head rolls back, thinking of that afternoon. The tension between you could be cut with a knife, and there was something thrilling about the way you couldnât keep your eyes â and hands â off each other and still had to keep it a secret.Â
âYou shouldâve,â you breathe out, choking on your words when he starts fucking you with another finger, curling them inside and stretching you to get your hole ready for him.Â
âYeah? You wouldâve liked it?â
You nod, staring into his eyes with a teasing glare. âMaybe I shouldâve sat on top of you,â you stop to swallow, eyes squeezing when he brushes his thumb on your dripping pussy and starts teasing it, âon your lap and tried to â to keep it cool.â
He smirks, tilting his head before he pulls his fingers out. âI think youâre ready for me. You always are, right?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
You are, but when his thick cock pushes into you it still takes your breath away. Your fingers and your little purple toy canât compare to him, they donât fill you like this, and they donât feel so good.Â
âThatâs it, baby,â he whispers, rubbing his thumb on your waist in circular motions, âtaking me all like a good girl.âÂ
You bite back a groan and throw your head back, breathing deeper and longer before you reach his hand and beg him to move.Â
Haechan sneakers, âonly if you keep telling me your little fantasy.âÂ
âI â I donât think I can,â you confess; heâs barely moving into you, only making circular motions brushing against your sensitive spot, and you already feel weak.Â
âIâm sure you can,â he smiles, âI didnât fuck you dumb, yet.âÂ
Your holes clench at his words and you gather your sanity to keep talking. âSitting on your lap, trying to â trying not to fuck up and down on your dick,â you force out when he keeps his promise and starts moving in and out, gripping your hips tight to angle you just how he knows you like it best.Â
âYou think you can resist it? Stay on my dick without moving?âÂ
âYe-yes.âÂ
He laughs, throwing his head back as he starts snapping his hips faster. âYouâre so confident, baby. I would love to see it all fall down.â
âBut if I did, they would find out.âÂ
âYeah, and think about it, Iâd bend you over the table while everyone watches you get fucked dumb. Would you say no?âÂ
You nod, failing to give him a stronger verbal answer. Â
âLiar,â he spits out, grabbing your thighs to push them up. âEvery time I fuck you with Mark in the other room you moan even louder.âÂ
âThatâs not true.âÂ
âOh, no?â He tsks, cupping your cheeks. âHoney, you love putting on shows. Or is it just for me?âÂ
âFor you,â you confess, voice muffled by the pression heâs applying on your face.
The smirk that curls his lips is smug and cocky. âThat little dress was for me?âÂ
You nod and his smile grows bigger before it turns into a pout.
âI didnât get to take it off.âÂ
âYou were supposed to â fuck â to fuck me in it,â you mumble, catching your breath when his hold on you loosens.Â
âNext time,â he groans, âor maybe tomorrow.âÂ
You donât reply, only cry out louder when you come unexpectedly, taking you both by surprise.Â
âIâm â Iâm sorry, it â shit â it felt too good, I,â you donât truly know how to justify yourself because you donât know why youâre so sensitive tonight.Â
âShut up,â Haechan stops you with a kiss, âI know you canât help it when youâre with me.âÂ
âYouâre so fucking annoying,â you retort, rolling your eyes.Â
âBut you love it,â he smirks. âCome here.â He pulls out of you, slapping your thigh as he orders you to sit up. âWant me to fuck you hard?â
You nod, crawling to him at the end of the bed on your own, cupping his face to pull him in a rough kiss as your fingers slip in his hair, and his hands reach your asscheeks, shamelessly parting them before he spanks you hard.Â
âCan you take it?â He asks against your lips, rubbing his thumb against your jaw before he brushes it on your open mouth, staring into your eyes.Â
âYe-yes,â you say but your voice is shaking. When his hand wraps around your neck to tease a kiss that he never gives you, you frown, and he snorts.Â
âYouâre so cute, you know?â His patronizing tone makes more wetness drool down your thighs but you still find the strength to push his buttons.Â
âAnd youâre hard, you didnât come once, yet. Shouldnât you fix this?âÂ
He doesnât reply, he pushes you onto the bed, making you face the only mirror in the room, itâs not extremely close to the bed but youâre sure it will do for whatever he has in mind.
âI think youâre so pretty when I touch you, kiss you, tease you,â he whispers against your ear, âfuck you,â he fucks into you without warning, and you gasp, âitâs a shame you donât get to see it. To watch your pride slip out of you every time that Iâm inside you.âÂ
Your head rolls down when he starts fucking into you faster than before but he shakes his head, clicks his tongue, and pushes you up with a tug on the makeshift ponytail. âYouâre not running away from me, babe,â he says. âYou might not let me into your true self but I have you turned inside out when youâre under me.âÂ
You blink your eyes, staring at him through the mirror, feeling small because you feel like you canât keep up with his gaze. Haechan has control, he does have you in the palm of your hand, now, only when he fucks you, and you canât care to mind.Â
You want him to fuck you until thereâs nothing more in your brain. You want him to know all the small things that make you feel good. Because nobody before him even wanted to know them, to own you like this, and you donât want him to stop.Â
âLook at you,â he whispers, biting your earlobe, âis it so terrible to not have everything under control?â You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if heâs mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. âYou donât have to worry about anything.âÂ
âWith you,â you cry out, shaking a tear away and gritting your teeth when he hits you deeper and you feel your body on fire again.
âYes, with me,â he says. âYou donât have to think about anything when youâre with me. Iâve got you.âÂ
You almost scream because you hate how much comfort you feel at his words, they donât sound sexual, not even now that his rutting into you at a fast speed, fucking your ass with so much force that the bed is squeaking and the slaps of your skin against each other fill the room. Even now, something about him makes you feel in the right safe place and youâre not sure this is how youâre supposed to feel while being railed by your friend with benefits.Â
You shake your head, forcing your eyes open as you stare at him in the mirror. âHarder,â you whisper, sinking your nails in the crumpled sheets under you.Â
âHarder?â He mocks. âAre you sure?âÂ
You nod, pushing your ass up, trying to provoke him into giving you more.Â
âIf you say so.â His hand moves hesitantly on your neck, he doesnât apply pressure, he just keeps you in his hold as he fucks into you with rhythmic, deep, and breath-taking thrusts. A low grunt escapes from his lips when your eyes roll back for a moment and you start to be more vocal, mouth staying parted and chest rising swiftly as you gasp for air.Â
You are a vision. And he could get lost in that.Â
âYou â fuck â feel like heaven, baby,â he groans, âand look so pretty with no thoughts in your brain.â His voice hits right beside your ear and sends shivers down your spine, the eye contact through the reflecting surface makes you melt, tighten the knot in your stomach and almost come on the spot.Â
Haechan chuckles, kissing your cheeks in a mockingly delicate motion. âWere you about to come again, honey?âÂ
You shake your head, lying blatantly because you know that if you give it to him, he wonât shut up. But he knows you were.
âYes, you were,â he taunts with a sharp laugh. âWhat did I say about holding it back?âÂ
âBut I â I canât, fuck,â you cry out. âToo much, canât take another one.âÂ
âYes, you can,â he orders. âCome for me, and then Iâll show you, youâll come again.âÂ
The last thing you want to do is listen to him but heâs a sneaky piece of shit that knows you too well, and when two fingers rub against your clit and two others pass from your neck to your mouth, forcing you to suck them, your orgasm explode before you can even try to fight it.Â
âI fucking â ugh â hate you,â you cry out, still shaking from the pleasure, writhing under him, shaking your head when he cleans his fingers on your chin.Â
âThe mess on your face is nothing compared to the mess between your legs. You know, right?âÂ
Yes, you do. You can feel your pussy drip an embarrassing amount of cum, and you know how much your hole is clenching around him. But itâs not your fault.Â
The sounds that come from his mouth are pure condescending mockery as he smirks down at you. âCanât answer me anymore?âÂ
Youâre about to open your mouth but he shuts you up with an open hand on it. âI donât want to hear you. I donât need to hear you to know youâre going dumb on my cock.âÂ
You muffle something but itâs in vain, and his eyes glint when you give up in two seconds.Â
âYouâre right,â he groans, âsomething is different about this place. You never let me have so much â fuck â so much control over you. You never let me fuck you this good, like you deserve.â
Youâd like to complain. Because if he thinks that your past fucks werenât this good, heâs dead wrong. But when your eyes lock, you get heâs still talking about something else. Itâs not about the sex or the many orgasms, itâs about you. You didnât talk back, you didnât roll your eyes when he called you âprettyâ or âbeautifulâ, and youâre not running away even if heâs all over you. You get lost in his bites and kisses on your shoulders, on his hands on your skin, and his words filling your brain.Â
âWouldnât fuck you in front of the others,â Haechan grunts. Heâs picking a brutal pace and you feel like you could break, but moans are still coming out of your mouth, hoarse and needy. âThey donât deserve to see you like this,â he groans, slipping a hand under you, reaching your clit, and making you yelp. âThis is only for me. This is mine to see.âÂ
Your eyes roll back. The possessiveness in his voice shouldnât make you feel things, but it does, it gets your inside to twist and your heart to race and your cunt to clench around nothing even more. You feel like your chest could explode when he keeps repeating that youâre his and his only and you can tease everybody else as long as you want but no one will ever make you feel like he does. His pace on your clit speeds up, while his head falls in the crook of your neck, and then his hips still, the orgasm hits you at the same time and your bodies freeze as the pleasure buzzes through your bones, his hand falls from your mouth and you gasp for air while he collapses on top of you.Â
You start breathing in synch, and you enjoy the sensation of his chest on your back, but that doesnât last long. Heâd love to stay there some more, but your friends might come back in minutes now, and he truly doesnât want anyone else to even get a glimpse of you like this. So he rolls to the side, turning his head to stare at you while he dares to caress your back with his hand. You never let him do it, he had tried, he thought aftercare was essential and that after everything he put you through you deserved more than just a simple âare you okay?â followed by your positive answer before you slipped to run back home or if he was lucky only in the bathroom before you came back to sleep next to him, as far as possible.Â
But this time you donât glare at him, and you donât move away, you move closer, not much, but for you is a lot, and you keep your eyes closed while your left hand searches for his body shily, you donât touch him, itâs just a brush of your fingers against his stomach, but it makes his heart jump in his throat.Â
âI thinkâŠâ he whispers, stopping when your eyes flutter open, terrified he ruined something, but you donât talk, âI think we should shower, so we can be asleep when they come home.âÂ
You smile, stretching and covering your mouth when you yawn. âIf you carry me,â you mumble. âI canât walk.âÂ
He chuckles and then sits up. âItâs my fault so, yeah, Iâll carry you.âÂ
Nothing changes after that small summer trip. You go back and start being stressed once again and the only relief you have is Haechan. Some days are so stressful that you beg for him to come pick you up at work so you can eat something outside and then head back to his apartment to fuck.Â
Yeah, to fuck.Â
That is always the original plan, the only thing you need him for. You feel bad for some time treating him like a living dildo, but isnât it what you two are for each other? You know thereâs respect, and care, not love, never love, but other than being friends, when you meet up alone thereâs just sex.Â
Thatâs what itâs supposed to be.Â
But then those things turn into⊠something else. You think it started one night when you came to his place but couldnât jump on each other because he got a phone call he couldnât decline, and you had to sit on the couch. You couldâve been a tease and started masturbating in front of him but that thought didnât even cross your mind. You sat there, grabbing the remote to turn on the tv, hoping to catch something to keep you entertained, and you did. It was one of your favorite movies and when Haechan ended the call and sat next to you, you both had forgotten why you were there.Â
Just like right now. Itâs a Friday night and you came to his place to spend an evening together. No, you didnât break any rules, itâs just a simple movie night. After you found out you both have an interest in films you couldnât stop thinking about it, so it was an excuse to watch and discuss some movies together.Â
âHi,â Haechan opens the door, and he looks wrecked. You panic seeing him because it looks like he fought with a bear with bare hands, heâs sweating, and his hair is a mess, and your heart clenches in your chest⊠is he fucking â âI cooked.âÂ
Oh, he cooked.Â
That made perfect sense, but it doesnât make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. You mentally slap yourself and smile as big as you can before making your way in. Suddenly regretting that you canât slam him against the couch and ride him until you both pass out.Â
âLast time chips hurt your stomach, so I made fries, and some small pizzas,â he exclaims, disappearing in the kitchen before showing up again with his hands full. âI hope you like this.â Haechan almost passes out when he sees the smile on your face, itâs so big and he swears he never saw you smile like that, but the moment of happiness doesnât last because that smile disappears after your thanks.Â
Itâs another mental slap to yourself and your heart for beating so damn hard. Itâs just snacks, anybody would have done that, right? Except you know damn well itâs not true. Your ex never cared about the few things your stomach hated and kept you up at night. Sometimes even Johnny forgot you couldnât eat chips for God knows whatever reason. And it is annoying to fry and turn on the oven when he couldâve just opened a bag and eaten.Â
Haechan is a good person. You justify. He is. You know it. Heâs kind, good with kids, doesnât know how to cook but he tries (for you), and when you tell him something makes you uncomfortable, he always tries to fix it as soon as he can, heâs perfâ
âWe should eat before it gets cold, then,â you almost scream, scaring him because you were dead silent in your thoughts for too long.Â
And Haechan thinks he will never get you. But itâs fine like this. You are to discover, and he likes it. Itâs thrilling, and every small step deeper into you feels like the biggest of the rewards. But he wonders when, and if, he will ever reach your core.Â
For now, itâs fine like this, as you sit on the couch with the food in front of you and the movie you picked starts playing on the screen.Â
After those movie nights, you should leave. You never set them too late for that reason, so you can drive back home before midnight. Itâs easy to do, youâre just a bit tired but your legs are not shaking post-orgasm, your heart is not jumping out of your ribcage and youâre not leaking cum.Â
It is easy.Â
Yet, you stop doing it.Â
âWhy donât you stay?âÂ
You should leave. Just like you did that one time he woke up with you and asked you to stay for breakfast. You were late. And right now, you canât be late, but tomorrow you need to be home before nine because you have something important to do. Itâs an easy lie to tell, he doesnât know anything about you anyway.Â
âI donât know,â you whisper and Haechan looks taken aback. Of course, he is, thatâs not a typical response of you. You wouldâve screamed something at him, acting like a dog when someone crosses its personal space, barking left and right (not the nicest comparison he had told you â yes, he did â but you couldnât get mad cause he was right). âI donât have a toothbrush or my towels.âÂ
You realize that you broke another rule when Haechan stares at you with wide eyes and mouth agape. Thatâs the reason why you canât stay. And the way those words came out of your mouth shows that youâre almost â he learned he has to be careful with you â sad for it.Â
âI have a spare one,â he says before you can go back to your true self, âit can be yours.âÂ
That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, youâre reminded of all the lines youâve crossed. You didnât bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesnât keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there. Â
You know it doesnât, it feels weird, romantic, and domestic, and fuck it, you never left any of your belongings in your ex-boyfriendâs apartment. Yet, you canât bring yourself to take it out and throw it away.Â
Itâs because you might need it.Â
Yes, you might need it.Â
Thatâs what you tell yourself.Â
Things start going downhill when you break rule number 3.Â
Technically you didnât break it.Â
You didnât exactly invite him over.Â
A phone call at midnight while drunk-you slurred out incomprehensible words and sobbed like a child to whom somebody just stole their favourite teddy bear canât be considered an invite, right? In your defense, when he hung off the call, making you sob even harder cause you thought you fucked it up another time, you werenât expecting the bell to ring ten minutes later. And when you dragged your body to the door, you didnât expect to find him standing there, his nightwear only covered with a jacket, his hair a mess, and his breath short, a clear sign he rushed to your place.Â
âAre you okay?â Haechan asks worriedly, shaking your shoulders to make sure youâre alive and not a creation of his imagination.Â
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve slapped him. Wasnât it clear that you are not fine? But youâre not there tonight, so you say something else.Â
âIâm sorry,â you sob, tears streaming down your face as you feel guiltier than ever, âI didnât know who to call.âÂ
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechanâs eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight.Â
âWhat happened?â He asks, trying to appear calm but heâs not calm at all. You are vulnerable, you. And out of all the people to be vulnerable with, you chose him.Â
âIâm an asshole,â you mumble, letting your body fall into his arms, face hiding in the crook of his neck while you let go to a nervous cry.
âHey, itâs alright, Iâm here now. Should we sit?âÂ
You nod, but youâre not really giving orders to your body when he drags you to the couch and lets you cuddle up next to him, shushing you and rubbing circles on your back.Â
âI never do anything right,â you mutter, holding yourself closer to him, hoping youâll disappear into him and wonât have to face another day.Â
âI donât think so.âÂ
âBut you donât know me, you⊠if I only⊠if you only knew all my flaws you would run away, even if between us was just sex.âÂ
Haechanâs face twists in pain as he looks down at you, only seeing your hair because your face is still pressed against his chest. âCause itâs not?âÂ
âWeâre friends, but youâŠâ your words die in your mouth, trying to give an order to all the things that are running in your head. âI try to fix things and then they go wrong, and how do I stop being a bad person? How do I stop hurting everybody?âÂ
âWho did you hurt?âÂ
âI mean⊠I am hurt, but I⊠is he manipulating, or am I truly a bitch?âÂ
Haechan canât follow you, he wants to be a support, but you arenât giving him clues about anything that is going on and heâs terrified of crossing boundaries, especially now that he has you so close and honest in his arms. This feels more intimate than all the sex you shared, and itâs scarier.Â
âWho are you talking about?â He dares to ask, losing the hold on you when you sit up, moving away from his body, not much, your legs are still pressed together, and you search for his hand for comfort.Â
âMy ex.âÂ
âYour ex?âÂ
You nod, biting your lips just to prevent another terrible sound to roll out. âI started thinking⊠about us and why we didnât work out, and⊠there were so many things that didnât sit right. I donât think I was crazy over him, but I⊠Iâve always respected him. He surely wasnât the love of my life but fuck,â at that you break down again, turning your face to the side because even if youâre in the middle of a breakdown you canât be so vulnerable to Haechanâs eyes. âWeâve been together for a year and a half and only now, because I asked for more closure, he told me he used me just for sex. And as the dumbass pathetic mess I am, I⊠we⊠we used to fuck.âÂ
Haechanâs jaw tenses as he listens to you, itâs probably not his place to syndicate since you two are using each other for the same reason, but itâs mutual and consensual. He coughs and then speaks when you donât explain more. âAfter?â
âWhat?âÂ
âYou went back to him after the breakup⊠to fuck?â Â
âYes,â you cry out, voice coming out in a yelp. And you know you look like a mess, tears and snot staining your face, but you canât control your emotions anymore. You feel stupid. Every time you let your sentiments have the best, life proves you shouldnât do it.Â
Haechan sighs, taking you back in his hold, letting you go off in his embrace. He doesnât talk, not sure of what to say, and let silence pass by, lulling you, and drawing circles in your hair. Only when youâve calmed down a bit he talks. âWhy are you the bad person in this?âÂ
âCause he told me Iâm insufferable. He said he loved me at first but⊠every day with me was âkilling himâ or whatever. Because I⊠I like things done a certain way, I like order, I⊠I canât let my life go into shambles, Hyuck. Iâve lived the worst days of my life because I had lost control, I feared I wasnât going to make it out alive only because I wasnât mentally there anymore, because I wasnât in control. I let people walk over me and put myself last. I canât go back there, I canât.âÂ
âYouâre not insufferable for being honest. Youâre sincere about what you feel, not the type of person that hides behind honesty to make fun of others or to push them out of their comfort zone. I mean, surely sometimes itâs a lot when you want to have so much control over things, and how badly you react at times when a minor thing doesnât go as planned. But I think that there are some flaws the people that love us should learn and comprehend, and either decide itâs not a weight for them or be frank and break up. Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and thatâs fine.âÂ
You sniffle, knowing heâs right, but also feeling that nobody seems to be able, or willing to even try, to carry the baggage you carry with you.Â
âWould you date me?â That was the alcohol talking, and the heartbreak, and Haechan knows it. But he doesnât know how drunk and heartbroken you are. He doesnât know if this is a tricky question, if you wouldâve remembered it the next morning and instead of taking it as a friend supporting you, it wouldâve caused you two to drift apart. He doesnât want to lose you, so he circles around it the best he can.Â
âYour value is not in the people who would date you or not, not even in those who did, like your ex.â
âYes but, isnât this the same? I am using you for sex, Iâm doing the same.âÂ
âItâs not the same. We want this, and weâre friends. Iâm here, supporting you. I donât think he supported you that much while technically you were dating, am I wrong?âÂ
âNo, youâre right. I shouldâve seen the signs.âÂ
âWeâre all good once things are done, but we canât blame ourselves from the past. You were in love, it doesnât matter that you werenât madly in love, you never disrespected him. While he made you believe he loved you, and in reality, he stopped feeling that and still used you. So, whoâs the asshole here?âÂ
âHim,â you whisper with a shaky voice.Â
âGood, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, caressing your cheeks and wiping the tears away with his thumb. âSee, you can see things clearly after the storm.âÂ
You hum, a small smile plastering on your face before you cuddle closer to him. You take a deep breath, inhaling his perfume and you feel at peace. âYou know I like you, right? Like, I respect you and care for you.âÂ
Haechanâs smile goes from ear to ear, deep down he does, but he wouldâve never expected you to say it out loud. âI know, even if you run away from my bed as if I bite you.âÂ
You laugh, hiding your face against his chest and your fingers tighten around his shirt. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm used to an empty bed anyway, so itâs not much of a difference when I wake up and donât find you there.âÂ
Your head rolls up, chin pressing between his sternum as your eyes meet his. âMind not waking up to an empty bed tomorrow?âÂ
âMh?âÂ
âCan you please stay the night?â You ask shily, voice quivering. âI know Iâm selfish, but I need someone with me.âÂ
Haechan smiles, âItâs not selfish, thatâs what friends do.âÂ
Thatâs what friends do.Â
Cleaning your smudged makeup and tears.Â
Giving you water and an aspirin.Â
Helping you clean your body and even apply moisturizer.Â
Taking care of your hair.Â
Putting you in clean nightwear.Â
Whispering a song to your ear to make you fall asleep.Â
Holding you close the entire night, so you donât have nightmares.Â
Yeah, thatâs what friends do.Â
You know Haechan has aâŠÂ sparkling personality. Heâs chatty, outgoing, and friendly with everyone. Heâs not so different from Johnny, so you two get along well because you grew up with your best friend starting conversations even with walls, it doesnât annoy you when Haechan does the same.Â
Well, it didnât annoy you.Â
Other than that, Haechan has this tendency of flirting with pretty much everyone â of age, and that doesnât give signs of discomfort â not so different than you, so you couldnât get mad at him for that, right? Those flirty remarks are jokes, silly things that fit into the moment and that he says just for funny purposes, right?Â
You arenât so sure about it. And you arenât even sure why you care so much. That sensation at the pit of your stomach every time he talks with someone else, touches them, or winks and smirks, is not normal. You know heâs going to take you home and fuck you all night, giving you exactly what you ask for, so why do you feel like this?Â
âThis place is dope.â Markâs voice rings loudly in your ear, and his body touches yours as he messily sits next to you on the bench, dragging you out of the intense staring competition you were having with yourself, Haechan and his new friendâs body.Â
âYeah, Johnny always finds the best places,â you force out, gripping the empty glass in your hands tighter and obligating yourself to look around and not go back to Haechan and that fake blonde girl that is all over him.Â
âSeems like someoneâs having fun,â Mark laughs, looking in front of you and you curse mentally because you know who heâs referring to, and right now you wish Haechan wasnât having the time of his life. âJohnny made a match for himself and for Hyuck too, the only one missing is you.âÂ
You chuckle, looking at the floor, sighing deeply before you decide that itâs better to divert the conversation from you. âWhereâs Minjeong?âÂ
âOh, sheâs at home, actually Iâll leave in a few minutes cause I have to go to her place,â he says with a smile on his face and you think itâs cute how he reacts when sheâs brought up. Heâs so madly in love and she is too, when they come along they make you wish you had what they had, for two seconds, just two. âAlso doing Channie a favour, you know,â he winks and then chuckles, but you donât find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort.Â
Did Haechan ask him to leave the house empty or is he just being playful? And what if you wonât be the one Haechan takes home?Â
âI donât think heâs going home with her,â you say, barely hiding the bitter tone. Itâs not an opinion, youâre manifesting because you canât bear that thought, but Mark is not on your track and he snickers again.Â
âThink theyâll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?âÂ
You force out a laugh while replying, âGod, I hope not.â But youâre dying inside and you wish Mark would leave so you can run outside, slap yourself, go back inside and find somebody else to fuck that night and put your dumb brain â or heart, but youâre not ready to accept that just yet â to sleep.Â
âI think he will last until home, heâs not a fan of doing it in unpractical places, dirty or too risky.âÂ
âIs the car risky?âÂ
âYes,â he replies as if heâs shocked by your underestimation. âPeople know what goes on even if they canât see, and then it moves and fogs and itâs⊠embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, heâd rather go home with his balls blue.âÂ
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
âToo much information,â you joke, shrugging off how your body heated up, and Mark apologies through laughter before standing up.Â
âSorry again. Man, Iâm used to making fun of him with him and got carried away.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm a grown woman, sex doesnât traumatize me,â you reassure but your dumb heart is beating weirdly faster in your chest, and the awareness that Haechan never done it with anybody else, that he also broke one of his unspoken rules for you, is driving you insane.Â
Now youâd like to get up and drag him by the hair and ask him if he would fuck her in a car but you donât, you canât. So you say your goodbyes to Mark and then stand up to walk to the bar, some alcohol will do.Â
âHey, pretty,â a manâs voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention.Â
âHi,â you reply back, trying to bite back the bitterness of your voice, whoever that man is, he isnât the man you want to reach your side.Â
âAll alone here?âÂ
You roll your eyes at his lame pick-up words and at the hint of the smirk you can hear in his voice. âIâm with friends, just need to cool down for a bit.âÂ
âOh, all dating and all over each other while they forget about you,â he jokes and only then you turn around. Partially true, but being left alone by your friends had never been a problem, you always found someone that wanted to dance with you, even right now you have this man â a handsome man, with black hair, tanned skin, and a somehow not creepy smile â hitting on you but he isnât the man you want.Â
âIâm not actually,â you lie, you donât even know why. You couldâve said yes, flirted with him a bit more, ground against each other for a while before going home, to his place, wait, to his place? What if he was a murderer? And with what car? You shouldâve called a Uber, or worst, slept over. But soon you realize his bed isnât the bed you want to fall asleep into after some draining orgasms. The idea of even being at his place makes your skin crawl and you push down a groan when two brown eyes, auburn hair and bronze skin fill your thoughts instead.Â
âThen why are you alone? Youâre too pretty to be wasted here, sitting all by yourself. I could hear your thoughts from there,â he says, pointing at where he was sitting before.Â
Your face twitches in irritation, you donât like being called pretty, not with that tone at least, and not by men that arenât Haeâ anyway, you donât like it. It feels like mockery and when it comes from menâs lips it feels like theyâre trying to box you up there, as if being pretty is all youâre worth but at the same time, they canât compliment you with words like âbeautifulâ or âgorgeousâ because then they would boost your ego too much and they cannot compete with confident women.Â
âAnd what were my thoughts, Harry Potter?â You joke, trying to hide the bitter tone with a forced small smile.Â
He snorts, shaking his head, and shifting closer to you. Your first reaction is to move away but another body on the other side stops you from going far.Â
âI donât recall Harry Potter being able to mind read,â he whispers, and you feel his breath collide against your neck, and his fingers graze your thigh. âAnyway, I could tell you were begging for attention.âÂ
You gulp. You donât like this anymore, you didnât like this in the first place, to be honest. But him being all over your personal space without your consent is making you uncomfortable and for some reason, you canât react like usual. Maybe itâs because heâs not doing anything, or well, not something so evident that wouldnât make the whole club call you a crazy attention whore for accusing an innocent man.Â
So, you sit quietly; if you donât talk back, heâll get tired and will leave, thatâs what you pray for. You just have to wait for a miracle.Â
And just when youâre about to lose all hope, and the man moves even closer to you, a fit of cough brings you back to earth.Â
âHoney,â Haechan calls, âsorry, the line at the bathroom was endless. Should we go?âÂ
It takes you a while to realize heâs talking to you, but once your brain registers his voice, you let go of a breath of relief, and when you turn around you meet the pissed-off expression of the man next to you.Â
âWhoâs this?âÂ
âHer boyfriend,â Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. âNeeded something, sir?âÂ
Haechan is clearly mocking him, staring at the stranger with a challenging glare and moving closer to you, almost to shield you from him.Â
âNothing, have a great night,â the man mutters angrily before walking away.Â
âYou too!â Haechan screams and then turns to you. âAre you alright? It seemed like he was crossing some lines.âÂ
Youâre still shaken, and only mumble some hums as a reply. Itâs not really because of that man but mostly because you werenât expecting this from Haechan. Or worse, you werenât expecting your heart to react when he called himself your boyfriend.Â
âIâm fine,â you whisper before briefly looking around, this is getting too much. You donât give him time to check another time that youâre up and walking speedily to grab your jacket and storm outside. Haechan doesnât get it, for the nth time he canât predict anything of you, and he feels guilty because maybe he read you wrong, maybe you were willingly flirting with that man and he fucked up everything. But he still runs after you, and thatâs, one, not what you expected, and two, not what you needed.Â
âIâm sorry, I didnât know you were flirting back with him,â he apologizes, running after you, grabbing your wrist, and forcing you to turn around.Â
You sniffle, looking at the ground because this is so pathetic and itâs already the second time he catches you crying and you canât bear how vulnerable you have shown yourself to him â yes, that is too many times for you. Bottling up feelings and emotions is your top skill after programming everything like a mastermind to make sure everything would flow perfectly and everyone would have a very specific image of you, so why the hell are you a mess every time he comes around?Â
âI can go talk to him and explain it to him ââ
âNo,â you stop him. âI⊠Iâm a bit overwhelmed because I⊠I wasted a night out, I couldâve stayed at home and written a little or gone on with my favourite series, but you knowâŠâÂ
âFleabag?â He taunts, tilting his head as he tries to meet your eyes.
âYeah,â you whisper, running a hand on your neck. Â
âYou already know it by heart, it would be your tenth rewatch,â he jokes but when you look at him with your lips awkwardly pressed in a thin line, his eyes go wide. âOh God, you started it again?âÂ
âIâm sorry,â you cry out, âitâs my comfort show, and then the other day I fucked up again, I needed to see myself being a total failure in someone else and Fleabag is always there for me.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, shaking his head, still staring at you with an amused expression. âItâs fine, itâs fine. Need a hot priest too?âÂ
That should make you laugh â oh, how much you wanted that â but it only makes you let out a chocked sob because fuck, he surely doesnât carry a rosary and the bible is not his favourite book, he canât say mass, but you feel like Haechan is your hot priest. Heâs fucking you up in ways nobody else ever did. Fleabag at least had God and morals to come between them but you, what do you have? Nothing.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says, pulling you in a hug, âno hot priests, no judging for your fixations. How about you tell me what is going on?âÂ
âNo,â you reply, hiding in his hold. It should be easy, embarrassing but easy, to slur out that youâre a mess because you feared he wasnât going to pay you a bit of attention, surely you shouldâve turned it into a confession of how dick-addicted you were and how badly you needed him â vulgarly, his cock â after an entire week of absence, but itâs not easy to be your usual â or past â self when you feel like you are missing him more than you are missing what he knows how to use best. âYou should go inside, sheâs waiting for you.â So you place the weight on him, hoping he wonât take you home because you canât do another night like when you called him in the middle of desperation.Â
You donât catch his expression, a held-back smirk mixed with eyes full of surprise, but that would be the look on his face that youâd see if youâd stopped staring at the cobblestones on the sidewalk.Â
âAre youâŠÂ jealous?âÂ
Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know itâs a miracle you didnât break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechanâs. And then you laugh, hysterically. Itâs a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows.Â
You are jealous.Â
And you know he knows it, so you have to fix this mess.Â
âFine, I wanted to fuck you tonight, itâs been a week and Iâm kinda needy, and seeing you with her got me mad, but not jealous. Do you know when youâre horny, you think youâre close to getting some relief and then something happens and what you have in mind doesnât happen anymore?â You ask, and you see in his face that heâs barely following the words youâre spitting out before you can betray yourself. âBut itâs fine, my toys are still working, so I can use them instead.â
âAre you walking home?âÂ
Oh, so he doesnât care about anything you said? He didnât believe it, right? Fuck, now heâll think you love him.Â
âYes.âÂ
Haechan shakes his head, before grabbing your hand and pulling you to the opposite side. âCome on, donât make me drag you.âÂ
âIâm not going back inside,â you say, trying to pull away and he stops, sighing.Â
âHoney, Iâm taking you home.â
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
Youâd fight if you werenât a mess, you surely would do it and tell him itâs not necessary, but you need a ride back home so thatâs the only reason you say yes. You donât hope you will break rule number three again and he will fuck away this sadness youâre carrying around. Why are you even sad? Heâs there, right at your side, driving you home after you cried like a child in the middle of the street, comparing yourself to a fucking tv series character, an insane character, by the way.Â
âDo you think I talk to myself?âÂ
âWhat?â He almost swerves when you talk after five minutes of straight silence.Â
âLike Fleabag, you know. The thing she does when she talks to us?âÂ
âI donât know, Iâve never seen you turn around mid-conversation to stare at a spot behind you or to your side to talk to a camera, so I guess no.âÂ
You sit in silence, blankly staring at the street in front of you. Oh, you do. Not the camera, not really, but you are slowly transcending into the madness of that old cat lady that Johnny always talked about.Â
âIâm insane,â you cry out.Â
Haechan laughs, turning to stare at you for a split second, and smiling again at your devasted face. âI just think youâre drunk.âÂ
âI didnât drink,â you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. âGot two small glasses of something that wasnât even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.âÂ
Shit.Â
Fuck.Â
âShe was hot.âÂ
Think fast. Think fast. Think fast.Â
âYou shouldâve gone home with her. Can we go back so I will go home with her?âÂ
âI take it back, you are insane, not drunk,â he giggles, caressing your thigh when the car stops at a traffic light.Â
You groan. Why is he so unfazed by your weird tactics? Why does he laugh so tenderly even when heâs teasing you? Why does it feel like he holds so much love in his voice, words, and touches? âIâm sorry, it was a shitty night and Iâm⊠overstimulated. Not sexually, but mentally. Everything feels doubled.âÂ
âThatâs why Iâm taking you home.âÂ
Your brain has many things to say but you keep your mouth shut, you already messed up enough tonight and youâre not sure you can live tomorrow with the consequences of these minor errors already, so adding more to the list wouldnât be a wise thing.Â
When you arrive home you donât move. You should jump off the car to slump in your bed not even changing yourself â once again going against one of the thousands of rules you have in order to survive in the insanity of your sanity. But you donât want to leave his side. You like being around Haechan, even when you donât talk, even right now that you feel on the verge of tears again and you canât blame your hormones, while the music plays from the radio.Â
And Haechan gets it. Your usual self? Out of the car in a second; the first times you two hung out you barely gave him time to stop before you were under the porch of the complex you lived in. He once again has no idea whatâs going on inside you, but he knows he canât leave you alone. He doesnât care if you use toys, but for how shaken you look, he knows the only thing youâll pick up will be the phone to call your ex, and he doesnât want that. You donât deserve to be hurt, and your ex doesnât even deserve to hear your voice.Â
âWanna come to my place?â He asks, breaking the silence, staring at you while youâre lost with the gaze in front of you on the quite empty road of your house. âYou have everything there anyway.â
You have everything there anyway.Â
His toothbrush that became yours.Â
His white t-shirt that became yours.Â
A new set of towels he had bought just for you.Â
His favourite mug that became yours.Â
A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else youâre not ready to face yet.Â
âYeah, letâs go home.âÂ
Haechan shouldnât smile this big when those words leave your lips and you slump in your seat letting go of the tension, but he does. He knows youâre drunk, he knows youâll go back to being your distant self in the morning, and probably he wonât even find you there when he wakes up, but he likes this new side of you so he wants to enjoy it while it lasts.Â
Home.Â
He loves the way it rolls from your lips and how that house feels like home when youâre inside.Â
Apparently, your new plan is to give Haechan a heart attack, cause when he wakes up in the morning and, not only still finds you there, but finds you cuddled up on top of him, he feels like dying. He is not even sure you are you, maybe heâs making you up and all of this is a dream.Â
Now that you are awake you feel the same. You are in his bed, wearing his shirt and pants, itâs nine in the morning, your clothes are not scattered on the floor and the sheets arenât a mess. Why? You know why. Unfortunately, you werenât drunk enough the night before to forget how embarrassing it had been, but you wish you could find another reason.Â
âOh, hi,â he cheers when you enter the kitchen after ten minutes of contemplating whether running away now was a good idea or if the more you acted weird, the worst it got. âHeadache?âÂ
âNo, luckily no,â you reply, running a hand on your face and sitting on a chair. âWhy are you cooking, trying to blow us up?âÂ
âOh, youâre back, I was starting to worry,â he laughs at your snarky remark, shaking his head.Â
You donât reply, only drop on your arms, resting your head on them against the table as you watch him move around. He might not be a good chef, but you love the way he moves, itâs like his body always makes sure to remind you of all the years he spent doing ballet, and even if he hates it now, youâre glad he did it.
Heâs hot, even in the morning, even with his eyes still sleepy and hair a mess. But you feel like something of the crazy, pungent, chemistry that used to buzz between you stopped doing so. Or maybe this is a friend moment without the benefits? You canât tell, and you just want to get back on the benefits again because the whole friendsâ thing is turning romantic and you donât like it.Â
So, your feet move quickly, making you reach him in a second and wrap your arms around his body.Â
âWhat are youââÂ
âShh,â you shush him, moving your hands lower on his abdomen.Â
âOh, sure, of course, you werenât just hugging me, fuck,â he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you donât get it.Â
âWant you, Hyuckie,â you pout against his ear, and you can feel him shiver in your hold.Â
âNot now,â he murmurs, reaching for your hand to move it away.Â
âThen when?â You ask, slipping your hand into the rubber band after you slapped his away. âYou never fucked me in the morning, you know?âÂ
Haechan gulps and turns off the stove, hands losing their grip on everything they touch while your hands kept teasing him more and more.Â
âWhen we had all, mhh, day to ourselves,â he murmurs, squeezing his eyes as he tries to donât give in to you.Â
âFucked me in the evening, at night, and in the afternoon.âÂ
âYou slept till noon of course I couldnât fuck you in your sleep.âÂ
âWell, couldnât or wouldnât, you still didnât, and I need you to do it now.âÂ
Haechanâs breath falters when your fingers wrap around his dick and start moving to get him hard, head reclined low as he tries to hold in the moans youâre dragging out of him.Â
âCan you get hard for me?â You whisper teasingly and Haechan groans, glaring at you.Â
âNow you think I canât get hard?âÂ
You chuckle at his voice and also because you can feel his cock hardening in your hand with each stroke on it.Â
âGood,â you hum, starting to kiss his neck and when his head rolls back and he searches for your lips on his, you pull away.Â
âOh, cool, went back to phase one?â He says and you can hear the bit of anger in his voice even if heâs trying to hide it.Â
You donât know what to reply, you can turn it into something sexual, so he wonât get mad and keep this thing going. You donât even know why you pulled away. Well, yes, you do, but why are you so afraid all of a sudden?Â
âFuck me first and then maybe later youâll get a kiss.â This will do, coming out sultrily it only sounds like dirty talk and hides your insecurities. âYou left me hanging for too long to get what you want so easily.âÂ
And Haechan falls for it, groaning again and leaning back on your shoulder while his eyes are shut and from his lips start to come out more moans.Â
âFuck, youâre so good,â he whimpers, fucking back into your hands.Â
You smirk, finding yourself staring at his blissed face a bit too long, but he looks just so beautiful like this, with his long lashes resting on his full soft cheeks, and his plump lips parted to let out soft, raspy whimpers.Â
âWanna come?âÂ
âIn â fuck â in your mouth, please. Use your mouth.â
Your hands leave his dick, and you take two steps back.
âTurn around and take your pants off,â you order and stare at him following your instructions in the blink of an eye. When heâs done, you get on your knees and donât waste time taking his hard cock in your mouth.Â
âShit,â Haechan groans, throwing his head back and wrapping his hands in your hair, he doesnât force your face down, leaving total control in your hands, he simply likes to hold on to you somehow.Â
You go for a steady rhythm, not fast but not slow to tease him and waste more time. Youâre dripping and you need him inside you soon. And for your luck, it doesnât take him long to come. After all, you know him and what drives him crazy. So one of your hands fondles his balls while the other wraps around his base, and start working on him while your tongue and cheeks focus on his tip. You also know that he loves hearing you moan around him, and watching your eyelid flatter as you stare up at him, and he never told you but when tears start spilling out of the corner of your eyes, his cock throbs harder.Â
âMhh, fuck, fuck,â he rasps out, followed by chants of your name as his knees wobble and his hips buck up while he comes in your mouth. His eyes roll back when you pull away with a pop sound and then swallow everything without breaking eye contact. âYou drive me insane,â he mutters, running his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply. Â
âFuck me,â you urge, standing up again, his words flying over your head. âPlease.â
Haechan nods, shaking his head to try to shake the post-orgasm haze out of his mind. âCome here,â he hums, pulling you closer, moving his hands on your body to undress you of the pants and underwear before lifting you on the countertop.Â
But thatâs not what you want.Â
âNo,â you huff, squirming in his hold. âFrom behind, please.âÂ
Thatâs not what Haechan wants, when you fuck in that position is because you want it particularly hard and thatâs not what he wants to give to you, not now. Heâs still trapped in that sense of what was different from the night before and heâs not ready to bear with your shift to your old self again. But when he looks into your eyes, he realizes that spell is already far gone, no more tenderness or heartfelt conversation, just sex and greed.Â
But you are still there, and it never happened before, and this is better than nothing, so he gives you what you want.Â
âBend over,â he says, helping you off the kitchen and waiting for you to get in position. He would find the view hot, incredibly hot, your ass pushing back up into him, your wet folds pressing against the tip of his cock, your hips swinging in desperation, and it is hot, but he canât enjoy it fully; if it only wasnât for that small twinge of pain in his heart.Â
âPlease, fuck me,â you beg again when he doesnât push in right away, too lost at staring blankly at your back.
âAre you in a rush? Somewhere to be better than here?â He bites back, itâs a bitter tease, not a sensual one, and his voice trembles, and so do his hands on your hips.Â
âI need you, please,â you grunt, throwing your head down, âplease.âÂ
Haechan swallows the gulp in his throat and pushes into you. Heâs always delicate when he thrusts in the first time, he knows youâre wet and ready to take him but heâs always careful and you wish you didnât find it so attractive, but you do. Nobody ever cared for you that much during sex, well, nobody ever cares for you that much in general.Â
And when he starts moving in and out of you, your heart loses another beat. He fills you up so nicely, you hate to compliment every part of him but fuck, heâs perfect, he fits perfectly and you feel him everywhere, itâs like he was made just for you.
âFuck,â he groans when you clench down on him. âWant it harder, babe?âÂ
âYes, please.âÂ
His hips start snapping against you in a fast rhythm, causing your bones to hit the hard surface of the countertop, but you donât care, you even find the slight pain more exciting.Â
Haechanâs groans fill your ears, as the grip of his hands on you gets incredibly tighter. Itâs rough like you asked but not how youâre used to. You donât dare to turn your neck to get a peek at him but you know his brows are knitted and his eyes are dark. This doesnât feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, itâs like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.Â
âHaechan,â you call out his name, and only for a second his grip softens, but you donât continue, you donât even know what you want, or if you want something.Â
âWhat?â He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. âIs this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?âÂ
Your eyes squeeze shut as you feel a tear streak down your eyes and you shake your head swiftly, trying to hold onto something. âNo, it is,â you breathe out. âYou are, fuck, you are enough,â you cry, hissing when he slaps your ass.Â
âYeah? Then what do you want? What do I have to do to make you happy?â
âKiss me,â you mumble, pushing your head back, trying to reach for his lips. âPle-please, want you â umh â you all over me.â
And when he leans in, kissing you with eagerness, itâs like the gloomy cloud that was shadowing over you dissolves in the air, his grip turns delicate, and his face relaxes, while his hips slow down until they come to a stop. Haechan doesnât pull away and you donât care youâre almost struggling for air, feeling breathless, gasping against his lips makes you feel alive more than ever.Â
âFuck,â he groans, pulling away with a gasp. He stares at your face for a moment, watching a tear roll down your cheeks, and heâs tempted to wipe it away with a gentle touch of his fingers, but he doesnât give in to temptation. If you werenât in yourself the night before, heâs not in himself right now, and he feels that he might want to see you cry, cry for him.Â
Another guttural sound rolls from his lips when he drifts his gaze away and pushes you flat on the countertop with force, picking up the same rhythm as before, snapping against you so fast that your heart starts racing faster in your chest thatâs raising up and down in a frenetic rhythm.Â
âToo â too much,â you whimper, letting your shoulder relax when you fear you wonât be able to keep your body up much more.Â
Haechan snickers, moving a hand down to knead the flesh of your ass harshly as he leans closer to you. âReally? Thought you asked me to fuck you like this.âÂ
You nod weakly, muscles of your neck sore, and you close your eyes because you feel more tears threatening to spill out, itâs a mix of physical pleasure and mental â emotional â pain you canât deal with.Â
âI wouldâve fucked you differently,â he almost growls next to your ears, and you know heâs mad. âNice and slow, probably wouldâve even eaten you out but you asked for this and Iâm giving you this,â his voice almost breaks and his hips falter, his heart is beating so loud in his ribcage you can feel it against your back. âWant me to stop?â And here he is, as always, no matter the pain you put him through by playing a game of hide and seek inside your true self where he canât grasp anything real, his voice still turns soft, weak, almost shy, as he makes sure this truly is not getting too much for you. Because you hit left and right with your sword and your blinded eyes but he wonât ever hurt you even if heâs clearly the one bleeding.Â
âNo,â you sniffle, opening your eyes to try to glimpse at his, but the position doesnât offer you a great view. âWant you, please. I â I need you, Hyuck, so much.âÂ
He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he wonât stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself youâre not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind you and himself that heâs the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and thatâs a little consolation.
âFuck, youâre squeezing me,â he whimpers, forehead frowning while sweat starts pearling his skin as he looks at your ass bouncing on him. âGonna come?âÂ
âYe-yes, please,â you beg, and you donât even know why. You donât have to ask for his permission to come but itâs like you want him to end this moment.Â
âHold on just a bit more, Iâm close,â he replies, âwant to come with you.âÂ
You nod mindlessly, letting out louder and whinier moans while your hands desperately search for some kind of contact and your legs shake as your orgasm builds up with more violence inside you.Â
âBe a good girl and come with me,â he orders and you feel one of his hands reach in front of your body until it finds your clit. He groans loudly when your pussy clenches hard around him and your body tenses up while your orgasm washes over, leaving you with your mouth parted but too breathless to let out sounds. Haechanâs not silent, he curses your name and some swear words while his hips keep ramming into you as he pumps his cum in and out of your hole.Â
âShit,â he comments, pulling out of you sooner than you wish he would, leaving you empty and cold.Â
You think heâs behind you, but when you turn around struggling, you see heâs not in the kitchen anymore and you collapse on the floor, legs too weak and trembling to hold you and your heavy heart up.Â
Youâre not sure how many minutes pass while you sit naked on the floor of his kitchen with your hands in your hair wondering where did you go wrong. You just know it feels like an eternity and when you hear footsteps approach, you quickly jump on your feet to cover up and donât let him find you like that. Â
Once you pulled back up your clothes, and heâs back in the room, you donât know what to say, and you donât even feel like staring at him.Â
âYou canâŠâ he starts but then stops and when your eyes lift from the ground, you see heâs turned around, turning on the stoves again.Â
âI can?âÂ
âNothing,â he mutters. âYou know where everything in this house is. Do whatever you want.âÂ
âAre you â are you mad?â You chuckle nervously, shaky fingers fixing your hair behind your ears.Â
He shrugs, shaking his head, âIâm not, I just know you wonât do what I propose, so if you want to eat, take a shower and grab some new clothes, do it. But if you want to leave, itâs fine, too.âÂ
You bite your lips; you know your typical answer would be easy: leave. But right now, it feels like the wrong one. You canât bet on it, but Haechan seems sad, even angry, and the cold wall between you and his back is making you feel guilty for something you donât even know. You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?Â
âIâll stay for a bitâŠâ you whisper and when he turns around with wide eyes you add, âif itâs fine for you.âÂ
âYeah, I told you, everything you decide itâs fine for me. Want breakfast?âÂ
âYeah,â you say.Â
âAnd maybe new clothes?â He smiles, tilting his head to the side, warm dispersing on his face again.
âYour closet?âÂ
âMy closet.âÂ
The names you start slurring in bed donât belong to Haechan. Honestly, you havenât seen Haechan in over two weeks now. That morning you needed him to prove you something, only to be proven the complete opposite. Things with him werenât going where you planned them to go in the first place.Â
And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.Â
You think you are stupid and childish, and you hate yourself.Â
But you still donât pick the best solutions. Actually, you donât pick solutions at all, you just fuck things up because youâre not used to them going right.Â
You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friendâs nights out because you canât face him.Â
You feel like you cheated on him. No, there wasnât written or slurred speech anywhere that you two were exclusive but you two were exclusive. Haechan never fucked someone else behind your back, and he also most of the times implied he didnât because, since you two did it raw, he wanted to make sure he was only active with you.Â
And you⊠you crossed a line you shouldnât have crossed.Â
You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.Â
You should pick up your phone, call him over and explain, youâre still in time to fix this in a way he wonât hate you forever, but you donât.Â
You go to work, come back home, slump on the couch with food and movies, or stay out running until you can barely feel your legs, stand under the shower as if the bill wonât crash you at the end of the month and then go to sleep, or try to, while you fight with your brain and heart and the emotions none of the three of you knows how to cope with, just to do it all over again the next day.Â
Itâs an endless routine where you try to push him out, but it doesnât seem to work.Â
It had always been easy to delete people from your life like this. One cut, one push out of your protected zone, and they were long forgotten.Â
So why is it so hard with him?Â
But you still donât pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing.Â
[Monday]
pathetic loser hey, itâs been a while i just wanted to check if everythingâs alrightÂ
[Wednesday]
pathetic loser will you be there at johnnyâs dinner at his place?Â
maybe we can talk there?Â
[Friday]
pathetic loser  i didnât ask johnny but i guess you wonât be there so i just hope youâre okayÂ
You donât reply, only stare at those texts trying to force yourself to grab the phone and call him because he deserves that more than a dry reply in a text. But you donât know what to say, and youâd probably hope he wonât answer the call, so youâll have an excuse to say youâve tried but he didnât reply. And when you try to come up with something that can explain to him this whole situation and at the same time donât tear you apart, another week passes by.Â
[Thursday]Â
pathetic loser i wonât bother you again i promiseÂ
i just wanted to apologize if i did something that made you uncomfortable that night/morningÂ
i donât know what it is but itâs fine if you donât want to tell me, after all you donât owe me anythingÂ
it was just sex anyway so itâs fineÂ
i will stop hanging around with johnny when i know he plans with all of us so you donât have to avoid him tooÂ
he misses you, please donât let some sex come between your friendshipÂ
anyway back to us, i know i sound like a loser but i had fun and i hope you donât regret this totally, sorry if i messed something up i didnât do it on purposeÂ
iâve written too much so yeah hope youâre fine, have a great life (you can block me if you want to, if you didnât already)Â
You donât reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you canât breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.Â
It was supposed to be just silly, superficial, and fun sex, how did it turn into this?Â
Haechan didnât mean to mess something up.Â
But Haechan doesnât know that the only thing he messed up with is your heart.Â
It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep.Â
Johnny didnât understand what happened, he felt like there was something going on between you and Haechan, but you never told him anything and you wouldnât keep that a secret to yourself, right? Not from him at least. But even if he didnât know the reasoning he gently, and friendly, dragged you out of the house without asking many questions, he just wanted you back.Â
And you were back, a bit less chatty and loud, with a lightly dimmed glow in your eyes, and with a tongue that stopped flirting with every breathing being, but you were there.Â
Haechan had disappeared, he was true to his promise, and you never saw him in the mixed-groups group hangouts, so moving on from him had been easier.Â
You donât hear his laugh anymore, you donât laugh at his jokes, you canât feel his hand secretly and gently rest on your thighs under the table, he canât rest his head on your shoulder when the alcohol kicks in and he is too wasted, you donât have someone to dance with or run away back home when your social battery dies.Â
You donât have him.Â
And it sucks.Â
But you try not to show it. You are trying to move on, and even if you hate how tortuous it feels this time and how you still look for his dumb-looking, slap-attracting, handsome, kissable face, you are trying.Â
You are also failing.Â
When the seventh drink of the night reaches your stomach, youâre not even sure youâd be able to answer if someone asked whatâs your name. And you hate that a name is still loud and clear, ringing in your mind like a permanent reminder that maybe, just maybe, you are not getting over him.Â
So, you drag your legs up and feel your head turn, everything is spinning but you need to find someone that will drown him out. You canât keep going on like this.Â
âHi,â you mumble when you reach the bar and sit clumsily on the stool.Â
âOh, hi, babe. Look what we have here,â the man replies, studying you.Â
âWanna fuck?âÂ
âOh, you go straight to the point, and I wouldnât say no if only you didnât look completely out of yourself.â
âIâm not,â you reply, shaking your head â terrible idea, everything spins faster, and you have to squeeze your eyes to find balance again. âI just had a few drinks.âÂ
âA few?âÂ
âYeah. I can take you home,â you wink, caressing his arm with two fingers and the stranger chuckles before shaking his head. Â
âI think we need to find somebody that knows you to take you home. Are you alone?âÂ
You shake your head. âYou could take me home. Iâm good, I give amaaazing blowjobs.â
âI donât want to doubt your abilities, but youâre drunk,â he says, starting to look around, hoping to be lucky enough to make eye contact with someone you may know.Â
âCome on, I need this. Is it because you think you canât take me?â You still insist, pressing your finger on his chest in an accusative tone.Â
He snorts, âI can take you, but sober. Hey,â he calls someone, waving his hand and at the same time trying to keep your body up with his other one.Â
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?â Johnnyâs voice is clear and too loud, especially when he groans your name angrily after you try to avoid him.Â
âDo you know him?âÂ
âHeâs my bestie,â you say, rolling your eyes. âMy bad, bad bestie. He made me meet someone that broke my heart, donât let me go with him, pleaseee.â
âMan, she needs aspirin and a bed.âÂ
Johnny nods, grabbing your arm and pulling you from the sit, âYeah, I can see. Thank you for not taking advance of her.âÂ
âShould be the norm,â he smiles. âTake care. And maybe talk with whoever broke your heart.âÂ
âNo,â you reply angrily, crossing your arms on your chest. âIâm mad at you,â you say to Johnny, trying to walk away from him but you need his support to donât wiggle around like jelly. âYou first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because Iâm not sober to you and him and why I canât have nice things?âÂ
Johnny stares at you as if youâre crazy; he had seen you drunk but never like this, so miserable, and the fact he has not even a faint idea of how and why you are like this, doesnât sit right with him. âWhy donât we sit in a corner and talk?âÂ
âI donât want to. I want Haechan,â you slur out, collapsing on the sit and resting your head on his chest, but the music is loud and Johnnyâs not sure he heard right.Â
âYou want who?âÂ
âHaehan,â you mumble against his shirt.Â
âOkay, I donât know who or what you want but we need to go home, come on. Please, drag your feet to the car, Iâll carry you inside your place but please, letâs just make it to the car.â
Johnny has to carry you to the car in his arms because you are a boneless mess and he doesnât want to end the night at the hospital because you broke your ankles on those damn heels; mental reminder to gift you heels you can easily walk on even when you have more alcohol than blood running in your veins.Â
The drive back home is a blur in your brain, youâre sure youâre not sleeping, but your head is spinning and at some point, you start shedding some tears and mumble chants of a name, Johnny supposes, but he canât get it right. Your voice is low and groggy, and sobs come through every whimper that escapes your lips.Â
âMy place or yours?â He asks, hoping you can give him an answer, but you answer other doubts instead.Â
âHyuck,â you whisper, and Johnny finally has all the puzzle pieces to put together.Â
When you wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache and your stomach turned upside down, the last thing you want to deal with is your best friendsâ stares and glances he throws at you as if he knows something you donât know he knows.Â
You donât ask him any questions right away, your brain is too far gone to deal with it, but after another aspirin and a coffee, you feel like youâre ready to face him. Except youâre not quite ready for whatâs to come.Â
âWhy are you looking at me like that?â You ask, rubbing your temples while you rest your elbows on his kitchen table.Â
âHaechan,â he replies with a smirk on his face as if he finally got you right where he wanted you, cornered. And well, you feel like you are, and maybe you shouldâve waited a bit longer cause your acting skills are not at their best right now, but you take another sip from your cup, shrug, and then reply nonchalantly.Â
âWhat about him?â
Johnnyâs eyes roll back as he huffs loudly. âDo we really have to do this?â
âDo what? You bring him up out of nowhere,â you say, but the calmness of your voice is being betrayed by the nervous bouncing of your leg and Johnny gets it immediately, and thatâs when he shoots his arrow.Â
âYou love him.âÂ
âWhat?â You almost spit the coffee out while you stare at your best friend with wide eyes, hoping to see a reaction, hoping that this disgusted him to the point he will get up and focus on cleaning the table and insult you instead of twisting the knife in the wound thatâs called âme and Haechan.â But heâs impassive, and itâs written all over his face that heâs not buying it, or anyway, he wants to dig deep into all the secrets you kept from him.Â
âYou love him,â he repeats, and those words coming out so slowly from his mouth make shivers run down your spine.Â
âI donât,â you reply sternly, getting up to clean the spilled coffee and keep yourself busy. Â
âYou do. You slurred his name all the way back home and I thought I was crazy until you said Hyuck and hell no, thatâs him.â Johnny reaches you and now you also feel physically cornered by his big body â why the hell is he so big? â and physically disgusted because you did what? And why couldnât he leave you in somebody else home? Slurring his name to a stranger wouldnât have been as embarrassing as what you did.Â
âSo? Are you going to answer? Or keep denying?â He presses you again, and before he can scold you as he usually does with an annoyed call of your name in a stern tone, you snap.Â
âWe used to fuck, okay?â
âYou did what?â Johnny almost screams at your face, and you push him back to walk to the living room.Â
âDonât be surprised, you literally set us up.âÂ
âWhy the hell didnât you tell me? What happened to our friendship and our rules.â Johnnyâs voice cracks as he tries to accept that you, his best friend, sister of another mother, and partner in crimes, really kept all of this behind him. Â
âOh, screw rules, all those fucking rules I never know how to respect,â you huff, falling on the couch and holding your head in your hands. And Johnny has to rub his temples because all of this is insane and surreal to his ears. Â
âYou donât know how to respect them? You. Miss little rules?â
âShut up.âÂ
âWait⊠your rules about sex? Are you talking about all that crap you believe wonât make you catch feelings?âÂ
âIt never made me catch feelings. It always worked. Clear boundaries, good sex, and everybody on their way.âÂ
Johnny smirks, kneeling in front of you so you canât avoid his gaze anymore. âYou broke them.âÂ
âI didnât,â you mutter, and you want to slap his face because why is he having so much fun seeing your breakdown?
âYou did. You just told me; you got mad when I mentioned them, and you wouldnât get mad unless something didnât go as you planned.âÂ
âNothing happened,â you retort, leg bouncing progressively faster as you feel your heart race and your body burn. Â
âNo, you broke them.â
âI didnât.âÂ
âYou fell in love with him.âÂ
âDonât,â you stop him with a glare that doesnât scare away the smirk on his face. Instead, the look in your eyes, the way your lips are twitching, and your continuous nervous movements are everything Johnny needs to let him know heâs right.Â
âYou fell in love with Haechan.âÂ
You almost scream when those words roll from his lips, you hate hearing that thought, that fear that has been lingering in your brain every night for a month now. âShut up, donât make things up. I broke the rules of not telling you we fucked.âÂ
âOh, no, girl, I know you. Youâre fidgeting with your fingers, and your voice is shaking, youâre straight-up lying and you can sell that bullshit to anybody else but not me, so spill the fuck you have to spill or else weâre going to have a long day.âÂ
âThereâs nothing to know. We started fucking, and then stopped, but Iâm in my unlucky month and I donât find anybody thatâs good enough to satisfy me. And thatâs why Iâm breaking rules, I like to have fun, but I donât like to try so many people and fuck with every person I see, you know I hate it.âÂ
âThen why are you doing it? Your toys are not enough anymore?âÂ
âYeah, Iâll stick to them,â you cut it short, trying to avoid his eyes because you know you will fall. Johnny has this power of dragging things out of your mouth, youâre lucky he didnât get the tiniest hint of what was going on between you and Haechan or he wouldâve made you face some painful truths a long time ago.Â
âIf it was so good, why did you stop?âÂ
You shrug. Fuck.Â
âThatâs not an answer.âÂ
âI donât know, he wanted to see new people and we just stopped.âÂ
âReally?â Johnny asks with a teasing edge to his voice, clearly mocking you. âHeâs not seeing anybody.âÂ
âMaybe he didnât tell you. You didnât know about us, and we were both friends with you, so. Or maybe he didnât find another one, just like me.âÂ
âHe seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.âÂ
Now itâs your time to be shocked. He asks about you? He doesnât hate you after the way you treated him? Youâre still in his mind? No, why would any of this matter? Why do you care? It doesnât matter. âWhat?â Well, it shouldnât matter.Â
âIf everything was alright or if something happened to you.âÂ
âJust checking on people is normal.â You shake it off with a nod and raise of shoulders, but something inside you is burning. Itâs that flame you think you put out and yet found a way to spark up every time you donât think about it.Â
âNot asking if something happened,â he says before walking around and studying you. You are avoiding his gaze and are a raging ball of nervousness, you werenât even like this with your ex-boyfriend, let alone with your few hook-ups. And then something else clicks in his brain. âDid you cut him off without a word?â And when you donât answer, and he calls out your name with urgency, you canât lie anymore.Â
âMaybe,â you reply with a loud groan, your head falling backwards with force, hitting the backrest so hard you hurt yourself even if thereâs the cushion dividing you from the hard surface. âMaybe I did.â Â
âWhy?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
âYou donât know?â He shouts, throwing his hands over his head.
âJohnny, please, I donât need a lecture right now, okay? I know I was rude, and an asshole.âÂ
âNo, youâre in love, itâs different.âÂ
âNo, Iâm not.âÂ
âWhy are you lying? You never called your ex-boyfriendâs name while you were wasted, you never broke any of your rules for him, it took you nothing to move on, and the only reason you got back was because you wanted revenge and because you needed to fill your life with something. You never cared for him nearly as half of what you care for Haechan, so why lie, and why lie to me?âÂ
âI donât want to,â you sniffle, suddenly feeling your brain spin again while your nails sink into the fabric of the pants Johnny gave you.
âTalk to me?âÂ
âNo, to love him.âÂ
There it is; the loud confession. That confession you didnât even do to yourself alone in the darkness of your room. Itâs still bouncing against the walls of Johnnyâs place in plain sight under the bright daylight and it pierces your ears and your heart.Â
Fuck. Youâre screwed.Â
Your eyes lock with Johnnyâs and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart canât keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you.Â
Youâre screwed.Â
When youâve cried all your tears in Johnnyâs arms, and you feel like you can try to put it down to words you do it. Maybe with Johnny by your side, it will be easier.Â
âI donât know what the hell he did to me.âÂ
âThatâs a nice start.âÂ
âIâm not saying I didnât consider the possibility of this going down a different path and starting to allow feelings in butâŠÂ like this? Iâve never felt like this before, not even when I fell first, and Iâm not even sure Iâve ever loved somebody before if this is how itâs supposed to feel.âÂ
âThen why donât just let yourself go for once? You donât have to always have everything under control.âÂ
âBut Iâm scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasnât me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.âÂ
âLove can be scary at times, but thatâs what it is.âÂ
You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. âBut what if itâs wrong? What if⊠God, Iâm doing all this and Iâm not even sure he likes me back.âÂ
âWell, if itâs right, you know, right?âÂ
You shrug, you thought it was right so many times before, and then it never was but this felt different, everything about Haechan hits different, it truly was like an arrow straight to your heart purposefully made to hit you straight to the core and cut you deep.Â
Johnny sighs, you already talked too much today and faced the truth, he knows he canât push you any further.Â
âIâm not saying you have to take him back but⊠sometimes you can take the good things life gives you without tearing them into pieces. It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.â
Going back to the coast feels like torture, especially when both you and Haechan forgot to ask Johnny if the other was there and found out only when you hopped out of the cars and locked eyes after months.Â
No, you didnât pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.Â
But when your eyes jump into his again, and cheesily, it feels like the time had stopped, youâre not so sure whatever was, or is, going on, is destined to die.
Itâs awkward when you donât know if you should greet him or not, but luckily in the mess of everyone greeting each other, you lose him in the âcrowdâ of friends. Fortunately, most of them found somebody to bring along so there are double of people than the last time. Unfortunately, that leads you and Haechan to the same room of this summer. Of course, nobody knows, and youâre not quick enough to retort when Mark decides like this after sorting everybody else in other rooms, and Johnnyâs not there to save your ass â probably he wouldnât.Â
The tension can be cut with a knife and you feel like your head is exploding while you two make your way to the room and then start to put your things in place.Â
âI can sleep on the couch,â Haechan says, breaking the suffocating silence.Â
âNo, itâs fine,â you almost choke on your words, unprepared, non-expecting he would talk to you first, âwe did worse things together,â you chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood but you only get a forced snicker back before he turns around and gives you his back again. You know that wasnât the smartest answer you could give, but you donât know how to ease the tension and the heavy weight of guilt in the pit of your stomach.Â
You want to talk, that should be the right moment to do it, to apologize, at least. But youâre tongue-tied.Â
âIs there even something to do here during winter?â He speaks, still giving you his back, and it takes you a while to understand heâs addressing you.Â
âUhm, yes,â you reply. âThe city is nice, and there are mountains just forty minutes away from here so⊠usually with our families we used to ski.âÂ
âGreat,â Haechan hums, standing up, brushing his hands on his pants to flatten the creases of the fabric, ânever done it before. Guess Iâll take a look around town. Last time I didnât get to visit it,â he smiles before walking out and you feel the ground collapse under your feet.Â
You wonât survive three days like this.Â
You hated spending time in that house during winter when you were a child, the sun didnât shine bright enough, the sand was wet and sticky, and you didnât know how to ski, also you never got why your family spent so much money on that sport when they clearly werenât as rich as Johnnyâs parents, and no one of you was good enough for it to even be fun.Â
Now nothing changed, the cloudy weather over the sea is depressing, and watching your friends have fun is not making you feel any better, you still donât know how to ski, and you have a lump in your throat as your brain runs faster than you, screaming how you put yourself in this situation.Â
The tea in your hand is not hot enough, you wasted too much time stealing glimpses at Haechan and his new crush to drink it when Johnny served it to everybody after all of you came back from the â for you terrible â ski session this afternoon. You didnât do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You shouldâve stayed at home, it wouldâve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung â apparently, that was her name â laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now itâs not going better, sheâs sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.Â
You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didnât include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now?Â
You sigh, running a finger on the mug in front of you, staring at the brownish liquid as if by magic youâre going to see your future in it, but you think itâs better like this, youâre pretty sure the picture would be a tragedy anyway.Â
When the talks get irritating, you decide to go back to your room, not even saying anything, youâre not sure about what they want to do, it was in the air to eat at a place downtown but you didnât pay their talks much attention. You decide to go for a shower with the hope it will relax you and wash away some heaviness, but nothing much changes once youâre out and dressed up in clean clothes. It only gets worse when you open your room, and Haechan is there, laying on the bed with a hand behind his head and his phone in the other.Â
You pass in front of him, not saying a word, silently putting back in your purse your shampoo and conditioner, and other things you carried with you. He doesnât talk either. It has been like this the whole day, barely acknowledging each other and now itâs getting too heavy. You owe him an apology, not to make things get back in place, they never will, but because he didnât deserve it.Â
âIâm sorry I pushed you away,â you say, turning around, âIâm sorry I avoided you.âÂ
Haechan lifts his head, a small frown connecting his brows for a while, almost as if heâs trying to get what youâre referring to, and when he does, the muscles of his face relax. âItâs fine.âÂ
âNo, itâs not. I didnât want to⊠to leave you like this.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter, you had all the right to stop it,â he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you donât hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. âI donât cry for sex.âÂ
You hum, but you study his face to understand if heâs serious. Was it just sex for him? Were you just sex for him?Â
âIâŠâ you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and youâre playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. âI have to tell you something.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âI⊠I loââÂ
âHaechannie!â Wonyoungâs voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. âWe are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, weâll have dinner together.â You shouldnât find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way sheâs looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right?Â
âYeah, Iâd love to. Be there in a minute.âÂ
âAh! Youâre the best, baby,â she cheers, running to leave a kiss on his cheeks and then walking out.Â
âYou were saying?â He asks, turning his attention on you, shaking his hair out of his forehead.Â
You shake your head, gulping. âNothing,â you smile, itâs forced and fake, and if heâd look closely, heâd see a tear at the corner of your eyes, but he doesnât. Heâs looking at you with his head slightly tilted in mild concern, but you know itâs just for niceties.Â
âIt seemed serious, though?âÂ
âIt was just another apology you donât want,â you breathe out in a bitter chuckle, rubbing your hands on your thighs while your gaze meets the floor. âI lost track of myself during the time we drifted apart, Iâm sorry it⊠it fired back to you.âÂ
âOh,â he says, âitâs fine, seriously. I just care that youâre fine. You are fine, right?âÂ
You hold back a sob and smile, feeling tears at the corner of your eyes. âNever been better.âÂ
âGood,â he smiles. âYou coming?âÂ
âNo, Iâm tired, Iâll go to bed like a child that has school tomorrow at 8.âÂ
Haechan laughs and then grabs his jacket. ââKay, donât take all the bed. You still have that bad habit, donât you?âÂ
You chuckle, giving him an apologetic look, âI have a bed too big for me only, Iâm not used to sharing.âÂ
He nods and then opens the door. âLeave a small patch for me, and donât have too much fun all alone,â he winks.Â
You smile and then wave him goodbye.Â
If crying yourself to sleep was fun, you were about to have the funniest night of your life.
âBeen a while, isnât it?âÂ
The last thing you expect to find in the morning is Haechanâs face looking down at you with a teasing smirk while you rest too close to his chest.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say, sitting up in the blink of an eye, trying to rub the sleep off your face and scoot away from him.Â
Haechan scoffs under his breath, painting that bitterness with irony, âItâs nice to know you didnât change.âÂ
You chuckle awkwardly and then jump off the bed.Â
âNo, definitely didnât change,â he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldnât do it months ago, he doesnât see how he can do it now. After all, youâve never been his. This isnât different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. Youâre up, putting your hair in a ponytail, rushing to the bathroom to wash up, and he knows you wonât even come back into the room, but run downstairs to have breakfast.Â
You are long gone and he doesnât even know how and why he lost you. Maybe itâs better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.Â
But moving on from you seems something impossible to do.Â
From that moment on, you two decide you can go back to at least be friends and hang out in the same group again. Itâs not exactly like before, but itâs better than silence and distance.Â
Or maybe not.Â
You canât stand that Haechan doesnât sit next to you anymore, heâs always on the other side with Wonyoung, and you canât bet on it, but you fear that his hand is now resting on her thigh and you hate it.Â
You donât show it, not with words, but your body is a neon sign flashing that you donât want to be there, especially when everyone leaves to take on the dance floor and youâre left with your thoughts.Â
âWhy are you always alone?â Mark asks. âDonât get me wrong, I love Minjeong, but I can still see youâre beautiful and hot, why are you the only single one?âÂ
âThe only one?â Thatâs the only thing your brain registers, making you stare at him with eyes too wide to make it pass like a normal reaction.Â
âWell, it seems that even Hyuck found someone that can stand his annoying ass,â he jokes, pointing at him and Wonyoung.Â
âOh, I didnât get they were official,â you whisper, your lips quiver, making it look like a smile but itâs pure sadness.Â
âSo it seems, heâs quite private over this.âÂ
You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldnât hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.Â
âWhat about you?âÂ
You shrug, rubbing your arms. âIâm the problem, thatâs why Iâm single.âÂ
Mark chuckles tenderly, sitting next to you. âSo, youâre heartbroken.âÂ
âMaybe.âÂ
âWas it serious?âÂ
âIt wasnât even started.âÂ
âOh, well, isnât that better? Maybe it wasnât even love,â he attempts to lift you up, trying to see it from another perspective. âA lot of times what we tend to consider love is not it. Itâs just a lie, something else dressed up as a feeling that is not that deep.âÂ
Yeah, you wish it was it.Â
âYeah, surely,â you reply, by now there are no emotions in your voice. âI donât care, I moved on. I just hate sitting here while looking miserable.âÂ
âWhy donât you go talk to someone? I think that girl at the bar is looking at you?âÂ
âMaybe,â you whisper, not even caring to follow his finger to see the girl that is, in fact, looking at you. âSorry, I need to go to the bathroom before hitting on people I donât know,â you joke, smiling at him and letting a laugh follow.Â
Mark copies you before his hand touches your arm and pats it gently. âIt will be fine.âÂ
You nod before pulling your lips into another forced smile. You hope so.Â
You donât walk toward the bar, your want to even find someone that can take you home is nowhere to be found, and you sit in a corner to stare at Haechan from afar. He canât be in love with her, right? But then again, why shouldnât he?Â
That torture lasts for a while, and when you think you paid the price for your sin, you grab your things and exit. Sure, you intend to go inside again, Johnny dropped you there, but not now. You need to cool off, and shut your brain. You donât know how, your method was Haechan but now he is the reason why your mind keeps running a thousand miles per hour.Â
Youâll find a way, you always did.Â
âYou shouldnât do that,â Haechan says, leaning next to you against the wall.Â
A grin curls your lips, and you partly open your eyes to make sure heâs real and not made up by your mind. He is very much real, with his denim jacket that doesnât keep him any warm and his â now black â hair falling on his face, while his eyes look at you with too much concern. âI tend to self-sabotage a lot,â you whisper, huffing out the air, âyou should know it.âÂ
âYeah, not like this.âÂ
âHey, I was smoking it!â You scream when he slaps your hand, not hard to hurt you, but hard enough to make the cigarette fall to the ground.Â
âSince when?âÂ
You roll your eyes, watching the cig on the floor becoming completely useless now that heâs stepping on it, and then you shrug, âI donât smoke, some guy offered it to me, and I wanted to see if it has any kick.â
âWhy?âÂ
âWhy do you care? Iâm not your problem.â Your eyes are not on him, staring straight into the night that falls upon the road in front of you, but you can feel his stare burning into your skin. Also, heâs close, and youâre not used to having him this close anymore.Â
He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesnât faze him. âYou said you were doing fine; it doesnât look like it.âÂ
âIâm just tired, I want to go home, thatâs it.âÂ
âYou barely talked, danced, or did anything the whole night,â he points out, rubbing his chin and raising a brow.
âOh, so you donât only have eyes for your girlfriend,â you spit out before you can realize it.Â
âGirlfriend?â He tilts his head, and his lips twitch into a barely visible smirk.
âYeah, the fake blonde.âÂ
Haechan laughs, âJealous, babe?âÂ
âNo. And donât call me babe. Iâm not your problem and Iâm not your babe.âÂ
âSheâs not my girlfriend,â he says resolutely.Â
âOh, well, âcause sheâs all over your dick so it looked like.âÂ
Another laugh rolls from his lips, this time louder and without a nervous grin hidden behind. âYou are jealous.âÂ
âIâm not,â you retort, frowning.
âYou were the one all over my dick, and you decided to stop that.âÂ
âI wasnât like that. I was on your dick, having the best orgasms of my life, but I never humiliated myself in front of you doing silly voices, calling you Haechannieee, or touching you as if you were about to be kidnapped by the aliens and I wouldnât have had the chance to see you ever again, or looked at you with those eyes that could â well, you get the picture.âÂ
âOh, I do. You are so fucking jealous and itâs kinda turning me on, I have to admit,â he teases you with a smug smirk on his face. Â
âShut up, asshole,â you smack his arm. âGo back to her.âÂ
âNah, the aliens are kidnapping me, I guess sheâll have to spend the rest of the night alone.âÂ
You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.Â
âCome on, Iâm hungry,â he urges, pushing you with more force.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You ask, gesturing nervously with your hands and looking back at the club that was disappearing behind you.Â
âTaking you to our favourite hamburger place, I could eat you right now for how starved I am.âÂ
âI wouldnât complain,â you wink shamelessly. Â
âNot like that,â he says. âIâm not sure you deserve it after the way you behaved.âÂ
You huff but follow him, keeping up with his fast steps, until you reach his car and jump inside. Itâs been a while since youâve been there, and when you stop and think about what happened in the backseats your body heats up, but you try not to think about that, and instead turn on the heater and the music how you like. Haechan only laughs lowly, and you know he doesnât mind, after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you.Â
âI told you Iâm sorry and you said it was fine,â you retort, not letting his remark of before go unnoticed.Â
âYou just donât read me, do you? Like, fuck, you are hard to read but Iâm an open book and you truly think that shit didnât hurt?âÂ
âI think it hurt you thatâs why I felt like shit, and thatâs why with each passing day I couldnât bring myself to talk to you. I get scared when things go well, and itâs not right, itâs not healthy, and I know I hurt you, but Iâm sorry, I truly am. You can ask Johnny, he knows it.âÂ
âYeah, I know he knows.âÂ
âYou know he knows?â You scream. It is always Johnnyâs fault.
âI know he knows,â he replies with too much calm for your liking. âHe had to spill something when I thought you hated me, and I couldnât sleep thinking about what I couldâve done wrong. He told me you didnât hate me, that you are dumb and donât know how to deal with anything in your life that doesnât follow exactly the path you traced, and I thought âoh yeah, seems fitting of her, not surprisedâ and moved on⊠well, tried to.âÂ
âOh,â you gasp.Â
âOh?â He snorts, shaking his head. âAll you can say?âÂ
âDo you want me to spend the whole ride saying Iâm an asshole?âÂ
Haechan laughs, âIt would be entertaining but I will save you from humiliation.âÂ
âThanks,â you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because youâre back with him by your side.Â
When you arrive at what used to be your place, you sit at your table while he orders your usual. For him, a double cheeseburger and for you, the big friesâ portion with a sauce that only that place makes â that you wouldâve shared with him but only if he begged well enough.Â
âI missed this,â he whispers after a few minutes when youâre both halfway through your order. Â
âThe burger? Yeah, I missed this sauce, God, I will find someone that sells this.âÂ
âI missed this, dumbass,â he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. Itâs like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still donât know what causes it, but you love it.
âOh, I⊠I missed this too,â you mumble, diverting the gaze and cleaning your mouth with the napkin to keep yourself busy.
âWow, wow, wow, wait, you? Getting a tiny, little, small, fainty, invisible bit sentimental?âÂ
âStupid! You make me look like a heartless bitch.âÂ
Haechan raises his brows and cocks his head to the side.
âDonât look at me with that face. You know Iâm not.âÂ
âYou are.âÂ
âI broke my rules for you!â You confess in the heat of the moment, raising your voice, the last words coming out in a squeak.Â
Oh, shit.
Haechan is confused and you donât know how to save yourself.Â
âRules?â He asks with a frown as he stops midway with his hamburger in hand.Â
âItâs nothing,â you shrug, grabbing the cola and bringing it to your lips.
He swallows, shaking his head to try to understand if he got it right. âYou had rules?âÂ
âI didnât.â You try to focus on the fries now, but even the window looks tempting, itâs near and you could easily escape from there and ghost him agaiâ
âSo, maybe you are not a cold, heartless, emotionless, impenetrable, untouchable, person after all?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your neck, and giving up the escape plan. Like the old times, you can give him what he wants without actually giving him what he wants, right? Just a small peek into yourself and then heâs out. âI let you sleep in my bed, only three people had the honour, Johnny, unfortunately my ex, and you.âÂ
Haechanâs lips curl up and his nose twitches. âYou are the sweetest person for breaking your rule.âÂ
âThatâs not a rule,â you lie but this time he falls for it.
âThen what were the rules?âÂ
âJust eat, and then letâs go home. Youâre so curious for no reason.âÂ
âYeah, you shared too much tonight, would never want to stress you,â he jokes before stealing one of your fries and send you a flying kiss.Â
âThanks for the food,â you say when you both reach the door of your apartment. He usually wouldnât come out of the car to walk you to the door of the complex, and even less he would reach the apartment door. But you didnât stop him when he followed you in the elevator, you didnât even flinch, almost as if that was how it was supposed to be.Â
âNothing,â he smiles. âIt was fun, talking and you know, just us, like the old times.âÂ
You chuckle tenderly, nodding while trying to find the courage to ask one more thing, âWant to come in?âÂ
âI donât have a toothbrush at your place,â he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.Â
âI should have a new one in the cabinet.âÂ
Things go back to normal after that. Youâre not sure itâs healthy, considering you didnât confess your feelings, arenât sure he feels the same, he had to be honest with Wonyoung without making any names because you two still want this to be private, and the only confrontations you had on your detachment were those two talks. But itâs fine.Â
The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.Â
But you didnât. Some fears still linger inside of you and sometimes are stronger than others times.Â
âFuck,â you mumble, âdo you really have to push me against the metal bar?âÂ
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â Haechan laughs, pulling away from the kiss.Â
âDonât laugh! This furniture is a menace to society, you need to find something else to put in your entrance,â you say, rubbing your back.Â
âIf you werenât horny like a bunny and waited at least to the couch to jump on me, I wouldnât push you against it,â he says, wrapping his arms around you and starting to walk into the leaving room.Â
âI canât stand you,â you whisper through the kiss, struggling to get him out of his clothes, but after a while, almost everything is scattered on the floor of his living room and you two are rushing to his bedroom.Â
âIs it softer for my princess?â He teases when he pushes you down on the mattress and hovers over you.Â
You roll your eyes but still hum. âI have the back of an 80-year-old, you need to respect that.âÂ
âDoesnât look like it when I fuck you all night,â he laughs.Â
âShould we test it?â Youâre done playing around. After a dinner out, and an hour driving around town, because you wanted to see the city lights, you needed him. The flirts were unbearable and also it had been the longest week of your life.Â
And Haechan doesnât make you repeat it twice, his hands reach your panties and slip between your legs, meeting the wetness thatâs collected there. He doesnât even bother to pull your underwear down, he pushes two fingers into your welcoming warm entrance and starts pumping in and out right away.Â
âFuck,â he breathes out, staring in awe between your legs, âyou take me so fucking well. Missed my fingers? Thatâs why you sent those photos the other day, âcause yours arenât enough anymore and you were hoping I wouldâve rushed here to fuck you.âÂ
You curse, âDonât act as if you didnât start it.âÂ
He scoffs, âIt was just a hand pic, needed to know your opinion about the new watch and rings.âÂ
âAnd the thighs picture?â You try to sound menacing, but his fingers are making your voice tremble, and picturing those images in your mind doesnât help you either.Â
âLiked the new grey shorts? Theyâre pretty, right?âÂ
âFuck off, Haechan,â you gasp, and he laughs deeply.Â
âItâs so easy to mess with you,â he coos, leaning in to leave a peck on your lips. âWas the jacking off video enough to make it up for the teasing?âÂ
âNo,â you cry out. He couldnât play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside, everywhere. Â
âIs this enough?âÂ
âYes,â you moan, opening your eyes to meet his. âJust â fuck â go faster, please.âÂ
His lips curl upward while his two fingers start moving at a faster speed, you almost come on the spot when he presses a hand on top of your stomach and moves his thumb in circles on your clit. Your whimpered âtoo muchâ gets shut down when his lips fall on yours and start kissing you. You feel lightweight, entire body reacting to his touches and kisses, playing you like a violin. His mouth is delicate and addictive and you find yourself thinking nobody ever kissed you like that. You canât put a name on whatever âthatâ is, but you love it.Â
âWhy are you kissing me like that?âÂ
âLike what?â He whispers, huffing air against your wet lips and staring straight into your eyes.Â
Like you mean it.Â
âNothing, just ââ your lips meet his again while your fingers tangle in his hair and his free hand runs on your smaller back, pushing you flat against him. âFuck.â You feel his digits deeper and your brain starts spinning faster while your boobs rise fast trapped in the lingerie that is still on your body.Â
âHyuck,â you cry out, reaching his wrist to slow his movement since you feel too sensitive.Â
âIâm not stopping, babe. Youâve been thinking about this for days.âÂ
âI â I know but ââ
He shushes you again with kisses while he moves your hips so he can hit exactly where he wants, making you scream out when his fingertips start slamming quickly against your sweet spot. You are breathless and you feel your stomach tighten while your legs spread to give him space to give you everything.Â
âCome for me, come on,â he encourages, pressing delicate kisses on your rising chest and whispering praises.Â
Your scream pierces the bedroom of his apartment when one twist of his wrist makes your high explode. Your nails dig deep into his arm in response as the sensations feel overwhelming when he doesnât stop right away, making sure heâs getting every last drop out of you.Â
âHyu-hyuck, enough â enough, please,â you snarl, hips bucking up in erratic motions that make him smirk proudly.Â
âI have a surprise for you,â he says before licking his fingers clean after he pulled out of you reluctantly. He loved making you come with his fingers only, watching them move past your pussy, while your cum coated them and dripped down his wrist and your ass, he loved how he could be all over you.Â
You donât reply but you feel itâs something to be afraid of since heâs looking at you with a devilish grin on his face.Â
âWanna see it?â He smirks, jumping off the bed and shoving his boxers down, finally giving you a sight of his hard throbbing dick.Â
You hum lowly in reply, forcing your eyes up from between his thighs and following him with your gaze as he walks to the closet and roams through something before he comes back to you with one hand behind his back.Â
âYouâre scaring me,â you breathe out.Â
âIâm sure youâll love it.âÂ
Your mouth opens in surprise when he pulls out a small wand vibrator. Itâs not the first time you use a toy, though you never had a vibrator of that kind, youâre just worried about what he wants to do with that.Â
âYou wonât edge me, right?âÂ
âWhy not?â He asks, starting to jerk his hard cock, collecting pre-cum and making it fall on your lower stomach. âYou look so pretty when no coherent words come out of your mouth and your eyes are empty⊠well, filled with lust and me, but empty of anything else.âÂ
You groan, about to lift your torso but he pushes you back right away. âDonât move,â he orders sternly, caressing your inner thigh as he slowly drags your panties down, leaving you bare, and then pulls you closer. His cock brushes over your pussy, but thatâs not where you need him.Â
Haechan laughs, seeing the desperation in your eyes, finding it funny youâre truly thinking he wonât fuck you. âHoney, I need this pussy just as much as you need my cock, I wonât disappoint you,â he groans and then drives his hips back to align himself to your gaping entrance.Â
âWhy do you always make me wait,â you cry out.Â
âBecause it wouldnât be funny otherwise,â he clicks his tongue, wrapping a hand on the base of his dick and then smearing your wetness everywhere on your pussy, but he doesnât slip in. âShould we try this new toy before?âÂ
You huff loudly, rolling your head back and the laugh that resonates through his ribcage makes you want to slap him but youâre left breathless once again when the vibrator starts buzzing right against your clit.Â
âShit,â you curse, fingers gripping the sheets tightly and toes curling. âHaechan.âÂ
âYeah, thatâs my name,â he taunts, playing with the different speeds and you know thatâs not the first time he had the toy in hand, he doesnât need to try it, he just wants to drive you insane, keeping you on the edge as the rhythm keeps changing and the fat tip of his cock is still pressing halfway into your cunt.Â
âPlease,â you beg, opening your closed eyes and struggling to even breathe out that single word as he keeps messing with you.Â
âPlease, what?â He leans down, heâs so close your noses almost touch and his breath hits your lips. âUse your words, babe.âÂ
You inhale deeply, breathe breaking in the middle when he goes back to the higher frequency and you come on the spot, stilling as the rushes of pleasure invade your body and put a proud smirk on his face.Â
âWas that what you wanted?â He questions, kindly lowering the vibrations and pushing just a bit more of his tip into you.Â
âNo,â you cry out, âwant you.âÂ
He quirks a brow, caressing your cheeks gently and kissing your lips. âWill you ask nicely?â He says, but when you only part your lips to let out sinful sounds and barely shake your head, he snaps. âIâm sorry, maybe I wasnât clear,â he fakes a sweet tone before he growls and slaps your clit, âask nicely.âÂ
You gasp, feeling sparks rush through you when the spank hits. âPlease, Haechan, please fuck me. I â I need you to fuck me. Iâve been â shit â thinking about you all week, wanted to â to feel your body and â nggh â your touch, please.â You feel on the verge of tears as the vibrator keeps going on your clit and the man between your legs is barely inside you.Â
But maybe thatâs enough for him, maybe you did great and he will give you what you want.Â
âHow much do you need me?âÂ
Or maybe not.Â
âSo much, so, so, so much. I dreamed of you, day and night, mhh,â you swallow a moan, fighting against another orgasm. âFuck me âtil I forget my name, please?âÂ
Haechan moans, bottoming into you in a second, finally giving you what you deserve.
âOh, God,â you gasp out when he fills you up, feeling overflowing with emotions. âPlease, fuck me,â you donât waste time begging again. You need him to move, to send you into the spiral of emptiness and fullness only he can push you into.Â
âI leave you starving for a week or less and you go completely crazy,â he mocks, picking up the rhythm he knows you love while he keeps the toy in place. âMy greedy baby, arenât you?âÂ
Youâre deep down that spiral because that sweet, condescending tone and the possessive pronoun donât make you mad but instead, they make your heart jump to your throat and your heat clench around him.Â
He smirks when you donât reply and angles your hips better so he can reach where he has you trembling.Â
âYouâre making a mess, fuck,â he groans, drifting his gaze from your face to look between your legs. âYou love this toy. Picked a nice gift, havenât I?âÂ
The teasing, bragging tone of his voice would make you talk back to him but you canât say much. The intermitted buzzing of the toy and the never-ending pounding of his dick are driving you wild. Your head is rolled back and you donât even care to shut down your moans, fuck the neighbours, after you two heard them fuck for three hours straight last week this was fair payback.Â
âHyuck,â you cry louder when he changes the rhythm again and this time the vibration builds up slowly before crashing down, kinda like waves. âYouâll â fuck â too good.â
âIâll what, babe?â He grins. âMake you come again? Drive you insane?âÂ
You nod, jaw slack because you feel like you canât breathe in enough air. And when the nth orgasm breaks through, tears erupt down your face. Haechanâs gentle enough to pull the toy away, probably not cause itâs a genuine move of heart but only because heâs too lost in your blissed face.Â
âFuck,â he curses, shakily moving his fingers to caress your wet cheeks. The last time he saw you cry wasnât a great view, and it was because of an asshole, but this time he is the reason for those tears, and they look so beautiful on your pretty, overwhelmed face. He thinks he loves when you get so vulnerable with him, he doesnât even care that you only get like this during sex, he still has that power over you, and knowing you, this is already the biggest sign of trust you can gift him. âYouâre so pretty, you know?âÂ
A dumb smile paints on your face as your hands reach for him to pull him closer. You feel like your brain is melting and your bones are ashes but you want to feel that skin-on-skin contact more. You want him all over you, deeper into you, seeping into the smallest creases of you so that you canât wash him away for days.Â
Haechan moans your name in a heated kiss when you clench around him. âTaking me so fucking well, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, pushing back again on your lips. âMy good girl.âÂ
âYours,â you whimper through moans and sobs.Â
âYeah, mine,â he whispers back, changing the angle of his thrust so he can hit your sweet spot better and exactly how you like. But right now is just too much for you, between your clit being endlessly stimulated, his cock hitting deep into you and his lips and hands on your body, youâre sure you canât drag this longer.Â
âDonât you fucking dare pull away, hands off,â he scolds, swatting your hand away when you try to get between him and the vibrator.Â
âItâs too much,â you whimper, âI canât anymore.âÂ
âYes, you can, babe. Just one more,â he whispers against your lips, kissing you softly to calm you down. âCan you take one more for me?â He still checks, slowing his movements and slowing down the speed of the wand.Â
You hum, breathing out a choked positive answer and he smiles happily, picking up his ministrations inside of you and on your lips. âGood girl,â he praises, âtaking it all, taking me so well. I ââ he stops, panic flicking behind his eyes but yours are closed and youâre too lost to feel the same rush of fear into you. âIâm so proud of you.âÂ
Your heart jumps in your chest, and you feel like you could melt. Praises have never done anything to you until they started coming out of his mouth. They didnât feel like a mock anymore, or like a nicety said just to be clichĂ© and repeat some erotica-porn-type catchphrase. You know he means it.Â
Your eyes snap open when he starts fucking you faster, turning the vibration at that high setting and never changing it until you wouldâve been done. Curse spill from your lips, but Haechan catches them all inside his mouth. He doesnât do it to keep you silent, Markâs not home anyway, he does it for another reason. Almost as if heâs addicted to your lips, or you.Â
âHyuck,â you breathe out.Â
âI know, baby. I know,â he coos before sticking his face in the crook of your neck to smear wet pecks on your skin. âCome with me, okay?âÂ
You hum, shaking your head in quick motions and trapping your lower lip in your teeth because you know your moans would be screams by now, and before the neighbours might mislead this beautiful sex for a crime scene, you try to keep it under control. Haechan is not as careful as you, his velvety, deep moans slip freely and you canât blame him, your pussy must be gripping him tighter than ever before and be just as wet, the lewd wet sounds are a clear indication of how turned on you are.Â
And something between all that makes you both reach your climax, panting and squirming against each other before you go slack on the mattress and he collapses on top of you, thoughtful enough to turn off the toy and threw it at the side of the bed.Â
You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate.Â
âYou amaze me sometimes,â he whispers mindlessly, letting his hand run on your back, reaching your hair to brush some strands, following their natural pattern.Â
You chuckle, âFor taking your cock so well?âÂ
He snorts, rolling his eyes and leaning closer to you; the temptation to kiss you is strong, and weirdly enough you still havenât moved back, but he knows he canât risk it. âFor taking everything I give you so well.âÂ
âFair.âÂ
You stay there for a while more, waiting for your bodies to recharge a bit but the more he holds you in his arms the more you feel sleep take over you. But you both know you canât sleep in those conditions, so Haechan breaks the magic.Â
âShould we order something to eat and in the meanwhile take a bath?âÂ
You stretch, and hum. âIf you carry me to the bathroom.âÂ
Once he has ordered food and youâre both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechanâs body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.Â
Thereâs nothing sexual about this, heâs delicately cleaning you with the sponge while you talk about stupid things and make jokes.Â
Itâs warm. And safe. And special.Â
Itâs different.Â
From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this.Â
To a home, not a house.Â
To a place to come back to thatâs full of life and love.Â
To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.Â
You truly believe you could get used to this.Â
But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you.Â
Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he canât reach you through call, when you still donât answer his texts after five days, he knows he wonât write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.Â
Heâs mad, furious, even, and once again, he canât understand you.Â
You were back together, better than before, closer than before, and now, youâre gone without a word another time.
He doesnât bother to text you to warn you, heâs pretty sure if you knew he was coming, you wouldâve escaped to the other side of the world, leaving no traces behind. So heâs standing at your door, ringing the bell with no patience, and huffing loudly.Â
When the door opens and you murmur a curse after blabbering Johnnyâs name because you were expecting to find him, your eyes widen.Â
âHaechan?â You whisper, throat dry and hand shaking on the knob.Â
He doesnât say anything, he pushes you to the side and enters the place.Â
âHaechan, I can ââ you start, but his glare stops you.Â
âWhy do you always ruin everything good?â His voice is shaking and so are his lips, quivering even now that heâs not talking anymore.Â
And youâre frozen. Youâre not ready for this. You didnât prepare a speech before, you donât have an explanation about your personality and you two. You spent the last five days working and worrying because things went wrong once again because you let him too close and now he is there, waiting for an answer you were never able to give yourself.
âI said,â he starts, âwhy do you ruin everything good?âÂ
âI donâtâŠâÂ
Haechan groans loudly, throwing his head back and turning around because he canât stand your face, your tears rolling down your cheeks as if youâre the victim in this, and probably partially you are, but why canât you let him in? Why canât you explain it to him? Whatever is bothering you and making you stab him repeatedly. He just wants to know why before he lets you go, but it seems you donât even know how to do that.Â
âYou ran away from us another time and you canât give me an explanation?â
âIâm scared, okay? Whatâs between us is⊠is not going where I planned it to go and itâs becoming so much. I just donât know what to do,â you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and donât shake like a leaf.Â
Haechan scoffs in disbelief, but the truth is that heâs feeling an abnormal amount of pain just looking into your eyes. âWhatâs there to know? I thought we were fine. I⊠I came back to you as if nothing happened, as if you didnât leave me without a word. I hurt an innocent person all because I wanted to be with you, in any way, I donât care. I didnât even want apologies or anything, I just wanted you and I thought we were doing fine but to you, fine is never enough.â
âIt was enough, it is. I â I think itâs too much. I donât know how to deal with this. With you,â you reason, and itâs hard to look into his eyes when you can see all the pain youâre causing. Â
âI thoughtâŠâ he stops, backtracking on his own words because none of this makes sense. You never show signs of discomfort when youâre together, you used to bicker much more at the start than now, so your words sound crazy to his ears. âWhy canât you tell me this when I do things that are too much for you?âÂ
âBecause they arenât too much when they happen. I like what we have.âÂ
âThen why do you run away?â He canât keep his voice low, and those words come out in a scream full of bitter incredulity.Â
You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you canât give him an answer, just a useless apology. âIâm sorry,â you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know youâre being honest, youâre not lying or putting up walls. Itâs just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself. Â
âNo, youâre not,â he retorts, voice lower. âIt happened twice, Jesus Christ, twice. You can go back to your ex, the one who treated you like shit, but you canât at least warn me when you need some time alone.âÂ
You shake your head, pressing your lips flat to hold in the cries. âI donât need some time alone. Iâm confused and overwhelmed.âÂ
âBy what?â Haechan urges again, nervously moving in small steps on the spot, feeling like he could explode at any minute.Â
âEverything. All of this is new to me and I⊠Iâm trying to be a better person. Iâm trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and donât fuck everything up, but I canât. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and⊠and I donât know what to do.â
Haechan is confused. He thought that what you had had never been better than this, so why is it so different for you? Why are your points of view so far from one another and distorted? Maybe that is the problem, after all, you are too different from each other, not compatible, and it will never work. âBut I donât get you, Iâve tried, I swear, I did, but itâs like â itâs like thereâs a wall and I canât get past it.âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back, but you know that if itâs difficult for you to explain it must be ten times harder for him to understand. âItâs hard for me.âÂ
âBut why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?â He knows heâs not perfect, but heâs never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste.Â
Youâre short of words, struggling to come up with an answer. âBecause, because, fuck, Iâve never felt like this before. You fucked me up in a way no one else ever did. Itâs pathetic the way you make me weak. The way⊠the way my walls come crashing down when Iâm with you.âÂ
âOh, really?â Itâs a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and itâs even followed by a click of the tongue.Â
Your voice falters as tears break free from your eyes. Of course, he doesnât believe you. Of course, he canât know how much you showed of yourself, parts of you nobody else has ever seen. âThey do. You simply donât pry in, you donât push me to my limits to make me let you in but the door for you is wide open. I feel⊠Iâm vulnerable.â You stop, taking a deep breath. âWhen Iâm with you, Iâm vulnerable.â
Haechan shakes his head, thinking you canât be serious. The only time you have been vulnerable was because of your ex, and the other times you opened up, well, heâs not so sure you told him anything true. âAnd yet I still donât get you, and Iâm starting to think Iâll never will because⊠you act like a child running away when nothing happens. What do you do when things go wrong?âÂ
âI donât know,â you cry, sliding down on the floor, covering your face with your closed fist. You donât let things in your life go wrong, because they already went wrong years ago and you canât even risk for a tragedy to happen again. Thatâs why you need rules, order, and peace. âIâve never had something like, something likeâŠÂ this,â you confess, looking at him. âIâve never had someone like you.â Haechan. The opposite of what you needed until now to survive. There were no rules with him, no order and no peace, but strangely enough, all his opposites didnât bring you war. Yet, that doesnât calm you, something about all of this feels like a bomb to you and he still doesnât understand you.Â
The heavy sigh that comes from his lips makes you look away. âSo, you run when things are good? Will you keep leaving me? Do I have to come running to you, looking for you, not knowing if you want me or if I should leave you space?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
Haechan almost yells. âStop saying that, itâs infuriating.âÂ
âBut I truly have no idea. I just told you. I could tell you about me, but why would you want to listen?âÂ
âBecause I love you?â He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. âFuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I canât keep doing this any longer. I love you. I donât know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I canât have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because thatâs what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They donât run away.âÂ
âYou â you love me?âÂ
Haechan takes a deep breath, and a tear rolls down his eyes as he hums, nodding. âAnd you donât have to say anything, I donât care if you donât love me back, but thatâs why I hate when you act like this because you donât let good things come at you in life, I might not be your happy event butâŠâÂ
âBut?âÂ
âGrow up.âÂ
Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you canât believe youâre hearing them from him. You know that wasnât his initial thought, but he doesnât backtrack.Â
âGrow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and IâŠâÂ
âNo, please,â you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. âDonât leave,â you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. âDonât leave me, too.âÂ
He stops and turns around gulping but shaking his head.Â
âI need to be alone,â his voice is broken and heâs clearly holding back tears, and youâd like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didnât care about them as you care about him.Â
âI canât keep defending you,â Johnny confesses while he stares at your crying face. You called him sobbing, muttering a few words, but he didnât need more to come rushing to you. He didnât even need you to explain, he knew. Haechan had this over-dramatic way of reacting, posting sad Instagram stories with depressing and heart-wrenching songs, and everything led back to you. Also, he had told him he âbrokeâ everything with Wonyoung and Johnny saw how you two were close once again. So, you mustâve fucked it up once again and that was why you two were here.Â
âYou donât have to,â you weep, hiding your face in his chest, and wrapping your arms around his broad back, deeply hoping he would crash you with his arms and you would stop suffering for all your poor decisions.Â
âYou canât keep sabotaging yourself,â he says, caressing your scalp in circular motions, knowing that always makes you calm down. âI canât keep seeing you like this.âÂ
âI was never like this.âÂ
Johnny sighs, âYou might not cry but if you think that I donât know your fucked up coping mechanism, youâre wrong. And we know well itâs not only about love. Everything good that happens in your life you have to turn into a curse. Why?âÂ
âI donât know.â You know it well, and weirdly it isnât even in your power.Â
âYou had an offer of a job you loved and you lost it all because you thought you were undeserving and played humble, and letâs not talk about the days before the interview you spent feeling sick because you thought you werenât good enough for it.â
A broken sniffle rolls from your lips.Â
âDo we have to go back to the school years?âÂ
âNo, thanks.â You donât need a reminder, the years of tears and stress that you doubled for the standards you set for yourself are still weighing on you, so you donât want to go back there mentally.Â
âAnd love⊠why do you think you donât deserve love?âÂ
âI donât think I donât deserve it. I never felt something so strong and Iâm afraid. What if⊠what if weâre both not ready to settle down and be serious with this? What if it will break my heart?âÂ
Johnny chuckles, âAnd what if heâs the love of your life?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper, your heart speeding up just thinking about it. The long-term scared you, that was why you ran away. You love how you feel good when youâre with him, but youâre terrified it wonât last and once the spell expires you will be left in the ashes.Â
âThe only certain things in life are taxes, if youâre not a rich asshole, and death, but everything else? Itâs a shot in the dark. Donât you think some risks are worth taking?âÂ
âBut it will hurt.âÂ
âAnd isnât it hurting already?âÂ
âOh.âÂ
Johnny smiles, caressing your cheek. âWhy are you so worried about the future? You canât make it perfect. You canât have control over everything, little bird.âÂ
âDonât call me little bird,â you say, emitting a sound mixed with a sniffle and a chuckle.Â
âYou are. And you still didnât learn how to fly. But if you donât fly, how will you live?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your hands on your face before biting your nails nervously.Â
âListen,â he says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and gently whispering your name to make you look at him. âI know why you want to have control so badly. I know why you think that if you plan it all before, think about all the things that could go wrong, and torture yourself into thinking that you can have power over the wilderness of the world and destiny, nothing else will go wrong, but itâs not like this. We both know it.âÂ
You sob louder, knowing exactly what heâs talking about, eyes dropping to the floor as guilt plunges your heart again. âI couldâve saved him.âÂ
âNo, you couldnât have. Some things are just not in our power. I blamed myself too, so many times. But I swore to him I wouldâve protected you over anything, and if that anything is yourself and your fears, I will protect you from you.âÂ
You wish you could feel better at his words, but they only make more tears stream down your face. âIf I didnât call him, if I⊠if I had someone to come home with this wouââÂ
âIt wouldâve happened,â Johnny stops you. âYouâre not that powerful, little bird. Iâm sorry,â he chuckles, wiping your tears away. âNone of us is. And itâs all about luck, and just occasionally about merits. So, if life sent Haechan to you, donât make him slip away.âÂ
âBut every time I followed my instinct things went terribly, I feel like I carry so much bad luck around me sometimes.âÂ
Johnny only hugs you for a while, caressing your back and lulling you in his arms. âWhen you were a kid and let the sea carry you too far away?âÂ
âMy father almost died.âÂ
âBut he didnât.âÂ
âYes, but then⊠you know what happened.âÂ
âAnd it wasnât your fault. After that you never let emotions carry you, you never let someone deep into you because you think everyone could betray you, and unless you have everything written down you donât do a thing. You hide it quite well, you almost seem normal from the outside.âÂ
You laugh lightly and hug him tighter. You donât feel better, but maybe heâs right, maybe this is your chance to change your life and stop living in fear.Â
âSo, what do I do?âÂ
âYou let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swiftâs discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.âÂ
âAnd if it goes wrong?âÂ
âAt least you tried.âÂ
A heavy sigh rolls from your lips as you stare blankly at the floor, nervously biting the inside of your cheeks and, once again, trying to think faster than life, maybe if you change your plans, it would count as if you still made them, right? Or maybe this time there is no plan, and itâs right like this.Â
âI only promised him one thing, and Iâm not going to take my words back, little bird. He wanted you to live, to be free, and to be loved. On the way to you, he called me, ranting furiously about how he wouldâve killed your stupid boyfriend if he saw him somewhere because nobody could hurt you. He only wanted someone that was right for you. Iâm sure he would love Haechan, and who knows, maybe Hyuck is truly sent from above.âÂ
When your closed fist crashes against Haechanâs front door to knock on it you feel like you could pass out. You keep torturing the inside of your cheeks, chewing the flesh nervously, while your right foot nervously bounces against the cold floor.Â
You slightly jump back when the door opens and your eyes meet with his.Â
âWhoâs â Oh, itâs you,â he whispers and he almost sounds disappointed, you wouldnât bet on it, but his eyes are not looking at you like they usually would and that makes you regret even more that you came.Â
âCan we talk?â Your voice is weak and hardly comes out, vocal cords shaking like your body. âNo, we need to talk. Please,â you add to donât sound too rude, itâs the last thing you can be, given the position youâre in.Â
Haechan sighs, rubbing his face and then moving to the side to let you in. The house is dark, the only light comes from outside, and dead quiet.Â
âWhy are you here?â He questions, crossing his arms and watching as youâre about to sit on the sofa. You stop halfway and gulp, standing up again and clinging to your purse. âYou can sit.âÂ
You do, fixing your clothes and looking down at the floor.Â
âSo? I donât have all day,â he urges and the coldness of his voice is the tenth bad sign thatâs screaming you shouldnât do this.Â
âAbout us.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, itâs a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. âUs? Now you decided thereâs an us?âÂ
You bite your lower lip and clench your fists. âPlease, just let me explain.âÂ
âSure, canât wait to hear some other bullshit youâll have to tell me before disappearing forever,â he says, sitting in front of you, and the distance feels unbearable. You had never seen him this cold, not even when you went back to the coastal town this winter.Â
âListen, Iâm here to talk like adults, okay? Can we please stop being childish and put the pride away for just an hour? Then Iâll leave if you want to.âÂ
He hums, heâd love to add that he doesnât want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say. âFor everything I did to you. Trying not to hurt myself I only hurt you and I didnât want to.âÂ
He babbles something under his breath, shaking his head, he canât even be mad at you for long and he hates it.Â
âAnd I donât want you to forgive me, but I think I owe you my honesty, and a bit more of me, you knowâŠâÂ
âYou donât have to.âÂ
âNo, I do, because you let me⊠you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.âÂ
Haechanâs face cannot be read, probably a fragment of stupor crosses it or maybe disappointment, but then he scoffs. âWhy am I not surprised?âÂ
âI didnât â I didnât think we would ever get here,â you confess. âYou were supposed to be just sex, Haechan. To be honest, I didnât even want you to be that. Johnny dragged me to that bar and here we are.âÂ
He gulps, moving his eyes up and down your figure, and then takes a deep breath. âWe donât have to be anything, I just wish you wouldnât cut me off like this all the time because it hurts. I care about you and the idea of hurting you, even involuntarily, kills me. Itâs pathetic, I know, butâŠâ he sighs, rubbing his temples, âbut itâs the truth.âÂ
Your heart jumps and you canât believe his words. So is this how it feels when the person you love the most is about to give you up? âBut I do.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âI â IâŠâ you choke up on your words, fighting the tears back. âI want to â I donât know why it is so hard.â No, you know why, because the last time the words âI love youâ slipped from your lips you were bent on a deathbed, beginning your other half to stay alive, to donât leave you in the madness of the world at fifteen, promising him from then on you were going to listen, to stay in track and never break a rule, but it was all in vain. And now confessing that something as strong as love ties you to someone that wasnât in your life since forever makes you shit yourself.Â
âYou donât have to fake it if you donât feel anything. I know I crossed a line, I know what our rules were and Iâm aware I broke them so no, I wonât blame you if I lose you,â Haechan says, stopping probably to gather the courage to add the last words, âI know I already did.âÂ
âNo, you didnât,â you say. âLet me talk, please?âÂ
Haechanâs not sure, taking time to consider his options, but then nods, humming lowly. This might be the last time he has you like this, if he didnât listen to you now, he wouldâve regretted it forever, staying up at night thinking about what you had to say.Â
âRemember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?â Haechan nods, even if he doesnât get its correlation with you two. âI lied. They never fought; my brother died,â your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, âIt was all my fault.âÂ
âWhat?â He blurts out, eyes wide and mouth open. âI mean, Iâm sorry, God, it wasnât supposed to come out like that but⊠IâŠâÂ
You chuckle, shaking your head. âItâs alright, I wouldâve reacted the same way if you pretended your brother was alive and well.âÂ
âIt didnât happen recently, right?â Heâs afraid all this time you left, it was because of that, maybe you were going through a loss and he wasnât by your side. Â
You shake your head, playing with your fingers. âI was fifteen, and he was only twenty.âÂ
He mentally takes a breath of relief knowing it was in the past, but he doesnât feel any better, itâs clear itâs still hard for you to talk about it even if seven years went by. âBut⊠unless you didnât kill him, how can it be your fault?âÂ
âIf only I didnât call him, if only I listened to my parents and never⊠never dated him or went on that trip, my brother would be here today.âÂ
Haechan tries to talk but you stop him. âBut thatâs not why I talked to you about this, I mean, I still have to talk to you about this. I hope it can make you understand why⊠why Iâm like this.âÂ
The man in front of you swallows, and you can read it in his eyes heâs not so sure anymore he wants to dive deep into you, but itâs the only way he can at least try to forgive you.Â
âI know it sounds crazy but, when I was a child, I was reckless and only trusted my instincts. I loved living to the fullest, you know? I always tried new things and nothing really scared me. I was like this even with people, I always saw their good, but sometimes the good never even existed.âÂ
Haechan doesnât talk, he only looks at you, listening attentively. And that makes you relax a bit, that was one of his thousand virtues, he always listened and emitted this sense of calm. Â
âI was like this even as a teenager when I didnât know men are shit since the day they are born.âÂ
âFair,â he agrees.Â
âIâm sorry, like, some of you are just terrible and when I was fourteen I fell for the worst one, but I couldnât see it. Iâve never been a loser, not in a clichĂ© way, but he seemed so cool in my eyes. He was pretty, popular, funny, for the broken humour of fourteen years old me, and he could do so much more than I could and I was in love, not really looking back at it now, and jealous.âÂ
âI guess he was older?âÂ
âHe was, he turned seventeen when I turned fifteen and we werenât together until then, but I was⊠a child at heart. I didnât feel ready to try a lot of new things and he always pressured me into them. My parents didnât like him, but I was headstrong and didnât listen. Anyway, we dated for a while and everything was fine, until one day he asked me to go camping with his friends. I was so happy, it was my first night out with people I wasnât super close with and we were under the sky, in my mind it was going to be the most romantic night of my life until it turned into a nightmare. My parents didnât want me to go, so I had a fight with them and my brother took my defences, saying that I had to make my first experiences and if something happened I could always call home, so they gave up. But I was still mad at them and didnât want to call them when things went wrong, proving they were right wouldâve killed my pride, so I called my brother. I knew he wouldâve never said anything to me.âÂ
âDid he⊠force you?âÂ
You shake your head. âNo, but they were doing drugs and mixing it with alcohol and I was afraid, I only knew him and two other girls, but never was in touch with his friends and they were all starting to get too violent, and I didnât like the jokes, the jokes about me. They started mocking me, for being too naĂŻve, and pure and he didnât say a word to defend me, he even laughed with them, straight to my face. And then the alcohol made him confess he hated how we still hadnât fuck because I wasnât ready, and after that, I snapped. I was terrified he was going to find a way to make it happen somehow that night and I didnât want to be there. I had nobody to defend me and I couldnât stay there. So I grabbed my things while fighting with him and ran away, in the middle of the wood, crying and heartbrokenâŠâÂ
âSo you called your brother?âÂ
You nod, wiping away the tears. âHe came rushing, and he wanted to address them but I just wanted to go home, technically to Johnnyâs place, I didnât want to see my parents and we had this plan we wouldâve kept it a secret from them.â
âSo you were already friends with Johnny?âÂ
You nod. âWeâve always been, thatâs why I tell you that I could never be attracted to him, he has always been like my second older brother, and now heâs the only one I have left.âÂ
âYou donât have to go onâŠâ Haechan says, seeing how much youâre shaking and how weak your voice is.Â
âNo, I do, I need to. I trust you,â you confess, and the beam behind his eyes dims your tension. âWe were driving to Johnnyâs place, it was late at night and it also started raining. I know it wouldâve happened even if he wasnât mad because we were in the right, he was driving well, but if only I didnât call him up he wouldâve been at home and not in that damn crossroad.â You canât go on and you lower your head while you try to gather your thoughts and stop your body from shaking. You feel Haechanâs hand reach yours and you hold it tight after the sofa hollows as he sits next to you.Â
âThe last thing I remember is his hand on my thigh while he caressed my hand to calm me down, and the static, deafening sound in my ear of the crush, the pain and his hand slipping away.âÂ
âSo, you were there?âÂ
âYeah,â you whisper. âHe didnât die on the spot, he suffered for like a week, he even woke up, barely had time to talk one last time to all of us and then his heart had a failure and they couldnât save him.âÂ
âIâm so sorry,â he says, contemplating hugging you but it feels out of place, so he only keeps caressing your hand. âAnd you?âÂ
âBroken leg, broken arm, a minor brain trauma and something else but Iâm still here, and heâs not. And why? Because I decided to follow my dumb heart.â
Haechan feels out of place but after what you heard he canât keep quiet. âI⊠I think he loved you too much to blame you for something that wasnât in your power.âÂ
âI know, I swear. I went to therapy, and I know itâs not my fault, I accepted his death and I know he wouldâve thrown himself in the flames for me, but I canât let go of this fear in my everyday life. Not having control drives me crazy and with you, I lost it so soon, it never happened before.âÂ
âI donât know what to say,â Haechan confesses, heâs still holding your hand because it feels like the only thing he can do. But other than that? He canât protect you from your fears and he doesnât know how to give some control into your hands, itâs not in his power either.Â
âI love you,â you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. âAnd thatâs the shitties confession ever, and Iâm so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I⊠I canât keep losing good things in life because Iâm afraid of taking risks. I canât erase you, Iâve tried, but I canât.âÂ
Haechanâs mouth is wide and heâs not sure if he went completely insane or if those words came out of your mouth for real.Â
âI canât move on from you. And I donât need all the big answers I was searching for to give this a reason, I love you, itâs simple as that.âÂ
âIâŠâ he tries to answer you, but he feels his heart racing and head spinning, you just said you love him, twice.Â
You stand up and start walking back and forth. âIâve never been so honest, but I canât stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, even. And I canât believe I love being with you so much. God, you were supposed to be just a one-night stand and here we are, you washed over me like a rouge wave and...â you chuckle, eyes glistening as happy tears wet them â... I canât even care if it made me drown. I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and donât have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.â Â
You canât read his expression, your heart dares to say heâs happy, surely shocked and probably thrilled, but your brain is still the annoying douchebag that makes you feel he doesnât want you back.Â
âAnd I know Iâm hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I wonât disappear ever again and I will let you in.âÂ
Haechan chuckles and then raises his head to smile at you. âYou are the wildest rollercoaster Iâve ever been on, you know?â You hum, smiling sadly. âBut I canât get off.â Your eyes light up at his words and your heart starts beating again as if it has been brought back to life.Â
âSo you donât hate me?âÂ
He shakes his head, standing up to be face to face. âI donât think I can.âÂ
Your smile lights up the room, and Haechan leans closer. âSo, can I kiss you or are we breaking another rule?âÂ
You chuckle. âWe are. I think this is the only one we never broke, we never kissed outside of sex.âÂ
âOh, so this one has to be specialâŠâ he caresses your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, rubbing your skin with his thumb and then leans in, ââŠto us?âÂ
You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. âTo us.â When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. Itâs soft, and thereâs still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know itâs going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.Â
Haechan hits different. Haechan is like a high-speed train and a bullet to the heart. Haechan is like jumping in the void with no parachute on hoping wings will grow from your back to keep you floating. But itâs good and it makes you feel alive, a feeling youâre now sure you had forgotten a long time ago.Â
And maybe, after all, you have to thank Johnny for this.
© neowinestaindress ; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours.Â
#nct fanfiction#haechan smut#lee haechan smut#donghyuck smut#lee donghyuck smut#haechan fluff#lee haechan fluff#haechan angst#nct smut#nct 127 smut#nct dream smut#haechan scenarios
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You have any Wilson family headcanons to spare? Especially on Rose & Grant?
DO I EVER!!! Gosh where do I even start
I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day that I think Slade was a leash kid, and I stand by that whole heartedly. He wanted to raise Grant as a leash kid too, simply because he thought you were supposed to, but Adeline threatened his life so it never happened. This was the first of many times he was confronted with the concept that maybe his home life wasn't great.
He would not even begin reflecting on this until almost a decade later. He still doesn't really consider himself a victim and honestly most of his shitty parenting comes from him just having no clue what he's doing. He's aware that he's bad at it, but instead of trying to improve he just tries to avoid his kids in hopes that they'll be better off without him.
Also he grew up in 1950's-60's Appalachia, I think he's more superstitious than he lets on. I imagine he grew up hearing about family curses and old wives tales, and while on some level he recognizes that Fran likely just used those stories to cope with the situation there's also a part of him that believes it for the same reasons she did. He's not a victim, he can't be, so it must not have been abuse. Which eventually turned into him just kind of accepting that he was always going to be a bad father, that there was never a chance for him to have a family and any attempt he makes will just end up worse than the last.
It makes it easier to maintain his self imposed isolation that way.
Adeline is a lot more interesting than people give her credit for. I like to think she was born and raised in a big city like New York or maybe Gotham if I wanted to be funny. She was definitely a wild child, and that was something that didn't change during her first marriage.
I truly do believe that Count whats-his-face (I don't care enough to look him up) tried exactly once to hit her and he ended up with three bullet wounds that all knicked arteries. It was his only warning and he was smart enough to know that.
Addie is loyal to the end, she's the kind of person that steadfastly refuses to let go of people she cares about. In basically ever version of her story she tries, she tries so hard to make things work. I once compared her to the Greek myth of Medea and I think about the comparison often.
I also think that Adeline was always her father's daughter, whether she liked it or not. I don't remember if it was canon that she was raised primarily by her dad but I only remember her dad being mentioned so I think she grew up in a single parent household and was mostly left to her own devices as a kid. She probably grew up really close with her cousin, most people probably thought they were sisters.
Mayflower fucking HATES Slade, she was advocating for the divorce before they were even married. I know in my heart she was Slade's biggest hater. Her and Slade talked mad shit about each other but they were also gossip buddies for the longest and it was the only thing that stopped her from beating his ass all the time.
SladeAddie is so toxic Bi4Bi coded. Really funny to me that Addie was probably older than Slade, do you know the kind of rizz you have to possess to bag a milf that could kill you in 20 different ways before you could blink? One who's already been divorced? What charm was this freshly 18 year old drop out exuding to be pulling like this?
When do you think he told her that he lied to the recruiter about his age and he wasn't actually 23 or whatever? Did he ever tell her? Did she figure it out herself? It was literally never addressed but I think about it all the time.
Slade is definitely still mildly in love with her and falls a little all over again every time she deals him grievous bodily harm. I don't know his thing for people who hate him is probably a self conscious way to punish himself for sucking all the time.
Billy and Alfred being friends is a headcanon that I literally never stop thinking about. Why wouldn't they be old friends or whatever? They have tea the 4th Tuesday of every other month. They complain about their respective morons and brag about the kids they have to take care of because their morons won't.
Billy is definitely a British rock fan and he fucking HATES country music. Slade starts playing it in the car and Billy threatens to crash the whole car just to make a point.
He's like maybe 5 years older than Slade if I'm being generous about it, he just looks older next to Slade because he's not hopped up on super serum.
He's the one Rose gives her father's day gifts to <3
SladeBilly is canon to me, no way Slade is capable of spending that much time with someone without sleeping with them at least once. It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had with anyone and Billy barely tolerates him.
Lilian Worth my beloved,,,,,,they gave her such a white ass name. I choose to believe that she changed it later on for anonymity. Chea Nath is a name she hasn't used in a while, but it's still one she holds dear.
She seems like someone who was really into ballet, and probably someone who was really good at it too.
She's one of those characters that we don't really have any information on, which leaves a lot of wiggle room backstory wise. I probably write too much about characters with poor backgrounds (surprise your bitch grew up impoverished) so I guess I'll let Lili have this one.
Diplomats daughter, her and her mom were really close growing up, and she seems like she grew up with sisters. She's got that middle sister energy to her, growing up everyday was a fight and let's just say she didn't lose often.
If Adeline is Medea, Lili is definitely Circe. Versatile, powerful, a man hater, and she'll do anything to protect her girls.
Honors student, her grades never dropped below an A- and she has degrees in everything from fine art to communications. Rose went to college purely because her mom made it clear that not going was not an option.
Grant is one of my favorite characters. Ever. He's definitely an old school country enjoyer, much to Billy's chagrin and Slades secret delight.
He was the boy who climbed up the tallest trees to prove he could and then came home with a thousand little scrapes on him.
He has a bee allergy.
He's the least enhanced of his siblings but he still has a meta gene, I think the reason the H.I.V.E. serum didn't activate it like it should have is because his power was the mental kind and not the physical kind so his body couldn't hold up against it even while his psychic powers were getting stronger.
Painted his nails one(1) time, it was a dried up iridescent blue that Addie dug up and was going to throw away but Grant wanted to try it. He didn't know what nail polish remover was though so he scraped his teeth on his nails to get it all off but he couldn't get all of it and he almost cried so hard he threw up at dinner that night because he was scared of Slade noticing (Slade didn't notice and wouldn't have cared if he did).
Thought he was SO stealthy when he snuck out but literally everyone knew because he always came home smelling like weed, hungover, and he went to school in the same clothes he wore to go out. Most of the time Addie didn't care (See above: "former wild child") but Slade "Biggest loser in his hometown" Wilson always had an issue with it.
Officially his tomb is located in the Kane family plot but he's actually buried in Slades hometown next to his grandmother. (Adeline is not aware of this)
Joey was actually the one who pulled most of the pranks when they were kids, but Grant always took the fall. Mostly because literally no one would believe it even if Joey said he did it. Which he tried to do, many times.
Grant taught Joey to make flower crowns but he never admitted it because he thought it made him look weak. He still keeps the few that Joey made for him though, they're basically turning to dust in the drawer he hid them in to this day. They're one of the few things that weren't torn down and shoved in the attic after his death.
Joey still celebrates Grant's birthday every year, him and mom play The Last Man by Clint Mansell on the piano because it was his favorite piece to play before he stopped because it wasn't "cool".
Grant tried to get Joey to come with him when he ran away but Joey didn't want to leave Addie. Joey ended up moving into Grant's old apartment, he often thinks of what life would be like if he'd taken up the offer.
Grant is THE ass hole big brother from the late 90's/early 2000's. Down to the mullet and the shirt with the sleeves cut off. He used to steal Addie's eyeliner and she would get so mad because that stuff is EXPENSIVE and he's just smearing however. She teaches him how to do it properly but he says it makes him look "too girly".
Grant's picture is the only one in Slades wallet because he doesn't have to worry about putting him in danger anymore.
DON'T let Joey's "natural" pretty boy look fool you he has a 20 step skin routine and a 15 step hair routine and he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to start on his makeup.
He used to get the worst acne as a pre-teen and he has physically burned all the evidence except for one picture of him and Slade on a fishing trip when he was like thirteen, he doesn't know it exists and it's the only picture Slade consistently travels with.
He doesn't want to be the favorite but he would get mad if someone else was the favorite because what work were YOU even putting in for it.
He has 12 year old boy humor I fear. Giggles at dick jokes and has used his name to make "Joe Mama" jokes on various occasions.
Number one Mama's boy of all time, there's not a single time they've gone out in public together where they haven't had coordinated outfits. Him and Addie call biweekly to shit talk people and exchange recipes and the like.
Joey is THE biggest gossiper. He'll talk shit about people right in front of them if he's sure they don't know ASL and whoever is around just has to try not to laugh while they "translate" him.
He's so good at convincing people to do things for him just by looking at them with his big ol' eyes. And he's a theater kid so his expressions are really exaggerated.
Rose, my muse. I know canonically she's a smoker but I'm changing that to her being a vaper. I don't know she just looks like she'd beat the shit out of you for a cherry lemon cancer stick.
Energy drinks don't work on her in normal amounts so to rectify that she constantly walks around with horrific concoctions in a water bottle the size of her head.
She street races as R4V4G3R and she's pretty good at it. She learned a lot about cars doing it which is how Slade justified being an anonymous benefactor for her.
The few weeks Slade had her she ran that shit like the navy. Up at 6 AM on the dot, tight ass ponytail swaying as she got ready for school. She was out that door by 7:25 everyday and she would MAKE Slade violate traffic laws to get to school by 7:35.
Has bitten people before and will do it again.
Had the BIGGEST crush on Donna Troy when she was on the Teen Titans. She didn't know it then but she did. Her taste in women really hasn't changed at all.
Only has her grunge thing going on when she's planning on meeting people, average day outfit is all pastels and florals that her mom used to pick out for her.
Got pretty much all of Lili's stuff, her main apartment is always Immaculately decorated. She also lives in L.A. because literally fuck New York. She's trying to get her engineering degree in PEACE.
She looks up to Grant a lot, she really only has Joey's account of things and he only tells her the good stuff. How he was brave, and strong, and funny. When she was younger she really wanted to be like him, but that was the last thing Slade wanted. So obviously she named herself Ravager out of spite.
Rose is the shortest one in the family but she's buff as hell, my girl is built like a fridge and she knows it. Joey tried to rest his arm on her head one and she stabbed him. It didn't go through his armor obviously but it did leave a mildly annoying bruise that he pouted about for a week.
She low-key really likes Addie but she tends to stay away because of the whole "child of infidelity" thing. She HAS threatened to call Addie on Slade multiple times.
Grew up with a bunch of other kids so she never really wanted siblings, but she would kill for Joey. She'd like a sister though. Really misses her cousins and aunts from the brothel but doesn't want to put them in danger by talking to them.
She's fond of kids but wouldn't want her own because she doesn't want to bring a kid into the kinda life she has, or their family in general.
Routinely takes jobs from Slade because she knows full well he won't do shit. And she's right every time he makes it into a team up that usually ends with them fighting but sometimes, every once in a while, they do something nice together and it makes her remember why she wanted to find him so bad when she was 13.
I don't like her carving her eye out for Slade I thought the whole concept of her idolizing Slade was fucking stupid. She tolerates him at best. So I like to attribute it to her visions, I think the blind prophet symbolism is really fun. Especially because then we can have a Prometheus type situation where her eye patch keeps switching sides/sometimes she's not blind because she keeps carving them out in fits of Seer Madnessâąïž but they keep regenerating.
SHE HAS BROWN EYES HER EYES ARE BROWN I KNOW HER PERSONALLY PLEASE LET HER KEEP EVEN ONE OF HER ETHNIC FEATURES I BEG!!!
#Slade Wilson#This is a very generous interpretation of him#but stories about cycles of abuse and people who delude themselves beyond reason are a lot more interesting to me#than a 1 dimensional caricature of a villainous creep so#adeline kane#hey anyone else remember that time she was married at 18#anyway though she's still alive because I know her personally and talk to her everyday#SladeAddie#William Randolph Wintergreen#SladeBilly#Lilian Worth#Grant Wilson#Joey Wilson#rose wilson#dc#Ask#I didn't include Poppy Tanya Tara or Respawn#because honestly I talked enough#but if anyone wants to hear about them I can add on to these#Mutual Mayhem
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I used to feel like a fake!bisexual for preferring m/m romance and erotica to f/f romance and erotica, and then I finally found some f/f I liked and I realized it wasn't about not liking f/f. I just didn't like the writing style conventions of most of the f/f writers I found on AO3.
I think a lot of AO3 f/f writers are so overly concerned with not writing "problematic representations" that it makes all their stories feel ... sanitized. It's too tame and clean and prettified for me.
The written f/f porn I ended up liking was usually found on other porn databases that aren't associated with the AO3 fandom community.
Medium makes a difference for me.
When it comes to fanfic (regardless of whether it's a full fledged romance novel or a simple smut fic) I tend to prefer m/m, but when it comes to watching live-action tv/movies/videos I tend to prefer f/f.
I've been reading more bi4bi f/m recently. I find f/m and mixed gender poly relationships very hit and miss regardless of medium. Some ships produce better smut (or at least more suited to my tastes) than others.
--
My issue is that I like badwrong with a happy ending, not fluffy, not gritty, and I'm far pickier about f/f. Little things that I don't identify with or don't quite like jump out at me there in a way they don't with even f/m that's focused on the female character. There's plenty out there I'd like if I made time for it, but why would I do that when I already have mountains of media I like that I don't have to waste time finding?
I've checked out original f/f novels a bit. There are some that do hit that genre trash sweet spot I like, but overall, a lot have a vibe that just doesn't work for me. (Too monosexual. Too modern real world.)
I've said it before, but my aesthetic for f/f is what would have happened if Amélie had gone into that room for a cup of... tea.
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Highsidershipping let's gooooo-! (Seriously I thought I was the only one who shipped it so I'm glad to see you do too)
Personally i hc Yusei as ace and Primo as possibly aroace (i say this like i dont hit every character with the ace canon) so to me they have a qpr except neither realises it-
Anyway, how do you see this ship? And would it be in any form in the Pizzeria au
RISE UP MY 4 OTHER HIGHRISERSHIPPERS...absolute plight of a niche ygo spinoff ship, I shouldn't be baffled it's extremely difficult to find folks hyping yuseiprimo up and YET. NONETHELESS I STILL AM. it's sooo so underrated
For me I have like... honestly a little solar systems of different explorations and reads on them that I like thinking about and rotating around in my head. I loooove yugioh QPRs/platonic spins on ships/the ways in which a bond can be nonromantic and still tremendously deep (and I myself hc Yusei as aro bi (and probably some degree of ace too)!!!)( hitting characters left and right with the ace beamđ€ hitting characters left and right with the aro beam solidarity) so really all of the versions of this pair in my head are in some sort of nebulous nonromantic space. I think in canon as we have it I really just enjoy Primo having effectively a crush on Yusei and being so mad about it and not knowing what to do so he's just going to become psychosexually obsessed with him about it lmfao. Peak 19 Year Old Behaviors.
But I do very much think in another time, another place, where things didn't have to go the way they went, I think Yusei could've been able to show Primo a kindness and warmth he's never really had properly before (as I explored in my rare pair week comic), and that makes me SOOOO SOFT. GRAAUGH. The stone walls of someone stubbornly believing he has no one to love and is unloveable himself being broken down to smithereens by patient, quiet empathy makes me WILDDDD.
(i also really. really love this element of yuseiprimo echoing zoneporia in a way-- "is the attraction i feel for you of my own volition or is it the afterimage of the long dead man i was made from?" on primo's end is something i think endlessly about. ideas of being appreciated and loved for who you are. that's my SHIT!!!)
God though "qpr but they dont realize it," that's the kind of spin ive been cooking quietly in my. Increasingly Extensive Postcanon 5D's AU that's been taking up a lot of mental real estate as of late lol. i need to make art/talk more about it so bad. Anyway the sandbox of a postcanon living Primo realizing his vendetta against Yusei has no teeth anymore and is just pointless rage, and of a Yusei still quietly grieving Bruno and realizing he has more in common with his former obsessive android enemy than he realized...waaauughh i have MANY A THOUGHT ABOUT IT. THERE IS A BOND THERE AND I THINK IT COULD BE REAL. đ ALSO THEY R BI4BI AUTISTIC4AUTISTIC. TO ME.
As for pizza AU, it doesn't really show up there! Only because ygo character kind of got inserted into the AU at different times and at comically different ages, and the maturity gap between Primo (19 year old line cook) and Yusei (~early-mid 30's year old with a house and several cars on blocks in his front yard) is just. Grand Canyon Wide behehehe. I think it'd be funny if Primo had a smoldering infuriating one-sided crush on Yusei though (since he does order pizzas from them and has a bit of a Thing with bruno~)
#ships arent rly too much of the focus in the pizza/college/kansas AUverse it's mostly just whatever happens happens#primo's got a little bit of a brewing Thing in that AU with bruno's sister actually but that's for another time#ygo posting#asks#angel-of-sweet-revenge#5ds pizza au#it's a bit hard for me to articulate the finer things of ships i like and what i see them as BUT I GAVE IT A GO. I LIKE THEM VERY MUCH#long post /
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happy pride month!!!! anyway tua pride headcanons cus i want to lol :P *note- i do not identity with all of these labels. i cannot give you a personal experience or defense for these. if i include any harmful stereotypes, lmk. itâs pride month and queer people are valid*
quick overview, analysis below the readmore
luther- he/him cishet
diego- he/him cis and bicurious
allison- she/her cishet
klaus- he/she (they sometimes) genderqueer/enby, pansexual
five- they/he gay and ace. agender.
ben- he/him cishet
viktor- he/they transmasc lesbian
for some i used the canonical pronouns as to not confuse before i get the explanation. <33333
luther- to me heâs like a cishet guy honestly. i still love the pride hcâs other people have, bc most of the time theyâre really good. i just prefer this reading, espec. with sloane (QUEEN!!!!). i also donât like the s1 era fics where everyone hated luther (almost entirely unjustified) so they would make him be a dick to klaus and stuff. like did he drink reggieâs kool aid? yes. but is he homophobic? no. i think a better example in a canonical kid fic of him saying mean things to klaus for plot would be like,, making fun of him for being a druggie or lazy, because thatâs stuff that reginald would actually encourage him to say. rant over lmao that just has always bothered me.
diego- honestly this one is back and forth for me, between bisexual and straight. like him and lila being bi4bi is just too fucking amazing, but he does give off straight guy energy sometimes so iâll put it at a bi-curious. heâs def an ally though, and i can imagine he would do his best to get over his fear of needles to help v with his t shots, or defend klaus from homophobic assholes. although i personally hc him as cis, the transmasc diego people have their fucking shit together because that HITS DIFFERENT. i think done right, it adds so much to his character in AUâs and stuff and itâs just rly cute!! but bisexual diego is a very fanon thing that i like to see.
allison- i think probably straight and cis once again. she seems very comfy and happy in her femininity and gender, and her with ray??? (sidenote almond as a ship name makes me lose it ITS SO CUTE). i think sheâs always been a big ally to klaus. i can also see her as pan or bi, but pressured to appear as straight by the constant eyes on her since she was like ten. i mean not only was she the only girl, but also a black girl? she was 100% so insecure during her childhood because people were constantly critiquing her. so honestly i donât think it would be too out of the ordinary to hc her as queer.
klaus- i mean, we all know this one. as far as i know he has been canonically (though not mentioned in show, more like an interview or something) pansexual and non-binary. if not then itâs VERY FANON. directly through the show, we see his attraction to men through dave and also his enjoyment of more feminine clothes and makeup and things like that. i hc him as genderqueer and just generally chilling out and not really caring too much about labels. like a âiâll fuck you if youâre hotâ kind of attitude.
five- now this one might get me some weirdness, but i donât see five as a cishet man for my hcâing purposes. a common fanon opinion is that heâs asexual, which i totally like. i also think heâs gay. i guess that would be homoromantic? and also agender. he said no. no. MEN. i think that any romantic hc that does not acknowledge delores is not doing it right, bc holy shit delores is so fucking important to the understanding of his character!!!!! i believe in the interpretation that delores is himself, but a separated part that he forced himself to view as a separate entity to survive the apocalypse. he kind of fucking tricked himself into loving himself, though unfortunately as many people have pointed out, he doesnât see himself as capable of good. he doesnât see that delores is him- he canât. he was down bad though for his mannequin apocalypse wife okay??? they were in love fuck you???? idk sexuality is fluid. let this old man live his life. heâs so tired. also agender, i think they donât like being called a boy (possibly childhood trauma, possibly gender) but still is okay with âold manâ.
ben- he is the token cishet of the upper numbers trio ( 567 icons real and true ). the jennifer incident was heavily implied if not directly and canonically stated to be a romantic issue, and also him and jill!!!! yes it was weird but it was so cute. bring back umbrella ben istg idc about the themes you messed them up in s3 anyway. i would talk more about him BUT HE NEVER GOT ENOUGH FUCKING SCREENTIME EVER AND THE THEMES THE THEMES HIS CHARACTER THEY DIDN- gets shot
viktor- canonically transmasc, canonically a woman enjoyer, ten out of ten character. i love looking at s1 era fics where people would be like. there is no way this guy doesnât like women. *lesbian headcanons*. and elliot page just slaying with the queer rep season after season. i think he/they pronouns for viktor is really good and i like it :)). also some people hc them as bi because of harold (or for weird reasons but we donât talk about that-) but i think itâs more of a lesbian thing personally. now. donât come after me iâm not looking for he/him lesbian discourse on my pride month fandom post. AND FURTHERMORE elliot page is a king and he doesnât deserve in any way the crazy hate he gets for being trans. trans men are men, trans ppl are valid etc. that being said, i hc him as a he/they lesbian. RESPECTFULLY. i imagine there were a lot of complicated factors while he was coming out and realizing things about themself. i think the harold thing was wanting to be wanted and loved more that actually wanting or loving, and you know we all gotta have that spicy *heteronormativity* woohoo.
bonus LILA (queen)- bisexual!! also she/they hcâs are valid asf for that. we love a queen who can do both. not sure if this is partial or full canon, or just heavy fandom but idc.
okay byyeeee happy pride month and also have a good juneteenth. black lives matter!!!!!
#tua#writingastraightanswer#the umbrella academy#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#allison hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#ben hargreeves#viktor hargreeves#happy pride month everyone!!!!#this was way longer than i meant it to be lol#enjoy ig
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there's plenty to criticize about the great gatsby musical.
but i've seen people calling it homophobic, which makes no goddamn sense to me. i hadn't said anything yet, bc i wanted to listen to the songs again first, but listening to the whole show, i'm even more confused about it.
like nick and jordan aren't bi4bi and their flirting didn't consistently play with gender roles in relationships? like noah ricketts, a queer man, didn't say himself that he's playing nick "queer curious"? like jordan wasn't totally flirting with daisy?
like we didn't see a man hit on nick, whose reaction was no different to his response to a woman hitting on him in the same scene?
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Ship Trait Meme!!
I was tagged by @rhettsabbott to do this!! Thank you, it was fun!! Both for Alan Wake hoes this time around.
Rules: bold the themes that apply to your ship, and italicize the theme if itâs one-sided, within your story.
Navy Young and Tim Breaker (Alan Wake)
height difference (Tim 5'11, Navy 5'1) / mutual pining (they are both unsure if the other feels the same tho) / first kiss / wedding / in-jokes / lgbtq+ (bi4bi and Navy is nonbinary) / family disapproves / would die for each other / would kill for each other / fake relationship / arranged wedding / cuddlers / pda friendly / and they were roommates (does the rooms Mr Door puts them in count?) / holding hands / secret relationship / opposing worldviews / getting a pet (after the Dark Place I can see them getting a dog) / have kids / want kids / grow old together / relationship failures / rests head on shoulder / share a bed / relationship doubts / they have a song (zero by smashing pumpkins) / first date (is accidentally hitting him in the head with a flashlight then exploring the Dark Place together a date?) / sharing a blanket (if they have one) / mutual interests (Navy is also quite interested in the unnatural) / study buddies (studying the Dark Place) / bathing together / crash into hello / accidental nudity / laundry / same hobbies (both DnD nerds) / cooking for each other / big fancy gala / forehead touches / hair stroking (one of the only ways he can calm Navy down) / sitting on each otherâs laps / sexual tension (Tim being clueless Navy feels the same but still being into Navy, Navy thinking everything about their pre relationship is sexual tension) / canât be together / battle couple (fighting shadows in the Dark Place) / Friends to Lovers (ofc they were friends first!!) / Enemies to Lovers / Lovers to Enemies / keeping secrets / love after loss / exes / declaration of love (Navy had to be VERY clear she was not meaning "I platonically like you) / flirting (Navy only, Tim can't flirt to save his life) / love triangle / destructive romance / envy / âI Donât Want to Ruin Our Friendshipâ / shared values / slow burn / does not end well / happily ever after (they escape the Dark Place eventually) / love letters
Lilith and Mr Scratch (Alan Wake)
height difference (Scratch 6'2, Lilith 5'1) / mutual pining / first kiss (Lilith was created by him so ofc he was her first) / wedding / in-jokes (not funny to others for various reasons) / lgbtq+ (bi4bi and Lilith is nonbinary) / family disapproves / would die for each other / would kill for each other (aaaalllll the time) / fake relationship / arranged wedding / cuddlers / pda friendly (maybe a little tooooo much) / and they were roommates / holding hands / secret relationship / opposing worldviews / getting a pet / have kids / want kids (god, can you imagine?) / grow old together / relationship failures / rests head on shoulder / share a bed (forever and always) / relationship doubts / they have a song (heel by toadies) / first date (murdering someone is a date, yeah?) / sharing a blanket / mutual interests (killing and murder and etc) / study buddies / bathing together (in blood sometimes) / crash into hello / accidental nudity / laundry / same hobbies (once more, killing and murder) / cooking for each other (she cooks for him) / big fancy gala (they've infiltrated one before to find a murder victim) / forehead touches / hair stroking / sitting on each otherâs laps / sexual tension (they are constantly trying not to fuck at all times) / canât be together / battle couple (err...murder couple) / Friends to Lovers / Enemies to Lovers / Lovers to Enemies / keeping secrets / love after loss / exes / declaration of love (as soon as he made her) / flirting (wayyy too much on Scratch's end) / love triangle / destructive romance / envy / âI Donât Want to Ruin Our Friendshipâ / shared values (torment Alan?) / slow burn / does not end well (if you played the game you know) / happily ever after / love letters
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Hello this is me again back with the HCs⊠since I canât get enough of these characters interacting and JJK canon is⊠depressing as of now. (Seriously, donât take this AU as a reliable source for what JJK is like because itâs 100 percent of me begging for a happy ending for the silly blorbos and none of them got that, sprinkled with canon info too) (and yes it is quite normal for Japanese kids to call each other by their surnames, even if theyâre close, especially if they are of a different gender, but maybe in this world Shoko does refer to its friends with their given names)
Yu looks up to Suguru bc they were going to the same karate school (extracurriculars). Yu looks up to Suguru a lot.Â
Shoko has a friend called Iori Utahime, and they are pretty close. However, Utahime hates Satoruâs guts, and maybe in this world would be disappointed at Shokoâs actions.
Although Kento is aroace, he has a close bond with Yu. Maybe itâs bc they never fitted in with their peers. Maybe itâs bc they both love helping others. Maybe itâs bc Kento was the first person to hear that Yu was trans other than his own family. (Kento is romance neutral, and sex repulsed.)
Hence: GhostAshFlower+Kento. You can just see each of them doing their own thing, drawing, reading, listening to music, but they find that they are close by. (Miles loves to touch Yuâs leaf hair, and Gwen is just snuggling with Miles. Kento is having some quality time with Yu.) (Kento is touch averse, but does not mind being touched by the other three + SaSiSu.)Â
Suguru was the second person to hear that Yu was trans, and that made them start to question their gender.
Satoru and Kento both have a strange grasp on gender. Theyâre both cis⊠but not really? (Especially Satoru)
Yu didnât know about the trans flag because his parents didnât want him to step into the more⊠âunacceptableâ side of things, being afraid that their son would receive hate. (His parents are actually Bi4Bi, and know what it is like to be in that circumstance of being hated due to who you are, so wanted to keep him safe.) Eventually they talked things out, and are all more out and proud.Â
Miles has his sketchbook of people in Nueva York that he met. Each of the people on his floor has a page or more dedicated to them.Â
Instrument HCs? Instrument HCs! Satoru can either go with the maracas or the launchpad, an instrument for mixing songs. By hitting one of the buttons, you can get a particular sound. Felt like this would fit him, since itâs filled with surprises and people wouldnât know what sound would come out until you hit the buttons. (Reading this explanation, this might fit Suguru more.) Suguru with the piano or keyboard since it can go with multiple genres, just like their magic. (Also bc I read a fic of them with the HC that they used to play the piano.) It would be nice if Shoko could create sounds from its own body, since it is part glass, like a wine glass that emits sounds if you rub them with wet fingers. Both Kento and Yu play the guitar, since a guitar can also be used as a weapon to bash people or slice them. (Genre wise, Satoru is more EDM, Suguru is neoclassical like Yinu, Shoko is more rock based, and Yu and Kento are Rock.)
Of the JJK gang, only Yu is an extrovert. Everyone else either a) just not interested in making friends (Shoko and Nanami, although Shoko has another friend outside of SaSiSu and Nanami has Yu), b) have many âfriendsâ but they do not truly care for who they actually are (Satoru and Suguru).
It would be sad if SaSiSu didnât know where they were going on the ride to Nueva York, but Nanami and Yu know. Liv shushes them when they try to tell SaSiSu that they are going fucking overseas, to another continent.Â
The first few days the JJK gang were in Nueva York was quite wild. Satoru would be a bastard to anybody (far worse than usual), Suguru and Shoko are both pissed at themselves/each other for being caught, Yu is trying to pretend that everything is fine when he clearly isnât, and Nanami has gone fully nonverbal and not responding to other people.
Did Liv ever do experiments or research on the kids at Nueva York? If so, I can see mostly (the sole exception being Ham) everyone flinching when they hear her voice. Itâs worse in the JJK gang bc she was one of the people responsible for taking them here.Â
The kids have learned quite a lot of swear words in various languages. EG: After Liv was defeated, Yu told her âÂĄQue te jodan, Liv!â (He saved up swearing for this moment, unlike the rest of his friends who were swearing regularly.)Â
I can imagine Pav can summon extra sets of arms like his cousin. Seeing that, Shoko and Yu both tried to do so, and it worked. Magic buddies.
Hobie would never admit it, but they see SaSiSu as younger sibling figures. DJ sub sees Satoru as their son-figure to some extent too.Â
DJ sub: âI have a son now.â
Neon J: âDid you⊠cheat on me?â
This is why I want Satoru and blues buddies to wear Halloween costumes based on the NSR megaartists. Satoru with a DJ sub hoodie, (itâs oversized, and blue decided to get as much candy as blue could as blue has a massive sweet tooth), Suguru as either Neon J or Catherine, Shoko as Tatiana (they use this chance to boss everyone around, trying to get the others to carry around their candy bucket, none of them mind), Yu as Neon J, Haym or Sayu, and Kento as Yinu or someone else. (Def not Eve) (DJ NECROPOLIS! THAT IS PERFECT FOR KENTO) (Although I would love to say Japanese Yokai would be a match for their costumes, itâs too close to the depressing canon material aka the Shibuya Incident arc, since they fight against them)
Miles and Gwen went for a matching costume, maybe as B2J? (Although Gwen was satisfied with a simple costume as a traffic cone, Miles went the extra⊠mile to get or make them a great costume) Margo dressed as Hatsune Miku, or maybe Peni did that (Peni can maybe wear matching costumes with Yinu, Carna, Synthia, etc), Noir as a pilot, (the goggles that they wear in ITSV are aviator goggles), Ham as Marilyn Monroe, Hobie as a glam rockstar ( or they say that Halloween is a capitalistic stunt that megacorporations pull and not join), Pavitr and Gayatri dress as matching vampires (anyway itâs romantic), Ganke as⊠(I am out of ideas lol)Â
In canon, Suguru wears huge piercings and⊠*looks at Hobie and Bunny* ⊠lets just say all of them jumped on the chance of being able to do some cool stuffÂ
Nanamiâs Ratio power in this world sometimes works like Benny the space man in the Lego Movie. He could lightly hit something, and it would snap in the perfect ratio of 7:3.
How SaSiSu first met HC:
Satoru was forced to go through with an arranged marriage, with him meeting a bunch of girls. For obvious reasons, he isnât interested. He would coldly turn them down, and now the Gojo clan was running out of options, and sought out the Ieiri family, with their daughter who has healing powers. Shoko met Satoru for the first time, and immediately told blues that they were not in this whole ordeal for marrying the strongest, they were in it for blues familyâs money. Hearing how honest they were, Satoru laughed and told Shoko that he would âmarryâ them so that their parents could get off their asses. Both families are relieved that the two were getting along, and would follow their rules. Little did they know, these two were looking for Satoruâs potential boyfriend, while doing normal friend things for the first time. Then they meet Suguru. They are unfazed by the two, and tell them something. Satoru got pissed with that, but later realized that Suguru was seeing blues for the person blue really was. âŠthe rest is history.
It makes me happy that these HCs make you happy! I hope you have a great day/evening!
Glad you like sending these in! One thing though, these asks seem to be getting bigger and bigger. Do you think you could try breaking them up next time you send in some? Like if itâs a group of headcanons connected then you can send in a longer one, or even a bunch of unconnected ones, but try not to make these asks super long.
I am ABSOLUTELY okay with you sending in multiple asks with headcanons! They donât all have to be on one ask. I just know some people might get annoyed seeing a SUPER long ask (which is why I put my answers under a cut to reduce the length even more).
Iâm definitely having fun answering these, but the length is getting a bit long lol. Iâm totally fine with multiple asks being sent, so donât worry about âspammingâ my inbox or whatever! :3
[EDIT: I mess up the read more! Woops! So sorry about the SUPER long post because of that!]
Also that is neat to know about how Japanese kids (well the whole culture) use surnames! Love learning about different cultures!
(Also also, finally made a spot in my document for a lot of the basic info for each of the characters so I donât have to keep trying to find an ask to corroborate my answer to ask lol)
-Karate: Suguru kicking Yuâs ass in a sparring match and Yu just being so impressed at Suguruâs skill lol.
-Utahime: I thought that said Utahime hated SHOKOâs guts and thought this was some kind of one-sided friendship like Vendetta and Charlotte in Making Fiends lol!
Anyway, I can see Utahime probably blaming Satoru for the whole scheme and saying Shoko is not at fault at all (basically being blinded by friendship). But she does end up being disappointed in Shokoâs actions when it explains that it was at just as much fault as Satoru (and Suguru).
-Aroace Kento: Heck yea! Me and Kento are a similar type of AroAce! :3
Glad him and Yu are really good friends though. I can kinda see Yu maybe having had a crush on Kento at some point. Maybe that helped Kento realize he was AroAce, or maybe he knew before hand and Yu absolutely respected that. I donât know, but itâs a nice thought to think about to me that something like that happened and they stayed friends.
-GhostAshFlower+Kento: I find touch to be easier when itâs not skin-on-skin contact so maybe Kento leaning against Yu with a pillow or blanket between them (like back to back or side to side leaning) is a way for Yu to get a type of physical contact when Miles and Gwen are doing solo snuggles.Â
Sure small touches from these three and SaSiSu are okay, but for longer touches I can see Kento needing something between him and the other person (also depends on touch, like enveloping touches like hugs are a no-go, but leaning against each other or holding onto a sleeve is okay for longer periods of time with these people).
Definitely think this would be something Zimelu would suggest them to try if Kento wanted to get more physical but did not actually want to be touched (I definitely have wanted hugs but not to be touched at all so I can see Kento wanted a hug or something without being touched or enveloped and so this is a kinda good solution/coping mechanism that could be done).
-Gender relations: Yu starting a chain reaction lol. Kento and Satoru questioning is pretty cool. I can see them being like cis+ or something. Like they explore gender and all that but might end up realizing they are cis except with a much better understanding of themselves because of that exploration (or maybe realize they arenât cis, or are like cis adjacent where they are close enough to being cis but not far enough to feel comfortable to use a different label).
-Trans flag/Yuâs parents: Ah, the classic âwe love and care for you so much we are going to shelter youâ trope. Obviously they are doing what they think is best in this situation, knowing how unaccepting people can be, but hiding the âunacceptableâ stuff can also cause their kid to end up in a bad situation because of lack of knowledge depending on the situation.
Thankfully Yu was able to find friends who loved and cared for him, and had a good family to support him (and was also stealth for a long time), so he didnât end up in an area/situation where he could have gotten very hurt because he wasnât given the knowledge on how to be careful.
At least that is what hiding information seems like to me. If I know a specific bad thing could happen because of how I identify, that is knowledge I can use to navigate a situation Iâve never been in before but know about. For Yu, because he was being protected from seeing the âbadâ side of things, he could have gotten into a situation and had no idea how to handle it (also this brings up the idea of what some people see as unacceptable vs others and how it can really change what is hidden based on who is hiding information).
-Sketchbook: Love the idea that since Miles got to Nueva York he just started drawing a whole bunch lol. Like the schooling in Nueva York is probably not as advanced as his school (which I think is a private school? idk) so he gets a lot of stuff finished quickly and has a lot of time to kill between counseling sessions and mandated hobby activities. So he just draws a bunch and so has like 3-4 biggish sketchbooks filled out by the time he leaves (which is a lot of drawing for the short amount of time he was at Nueva York).
Wonder if he ever wants to give his pages away to people but also wants to keep his sketchbooks intact. Definitely ends up finding a printer/scanner and gives out his better works to people heâs drawn.
-Instruments: With how influential and controlling Satoruâs family is, blue definitely knows how to play some kind of instrument. Usually I would say that a rich family would make their kids learn how to play something classical like piano or violin, but with how EDM has been the dominant music genre for years in the world thanks to Vinyl City, Satoru was probably forced to learn some kind of electric instrument/music tool. Honestly, the electric violin seems like something Satoruâs family would force blue to learn.
When he gets some more freedom though, he would probably really like something percussion based like maracas (or even a tambourine) or the launchpad so blue could have fun and be unpredictable so that it feels so much more freeing to make/play music now than when he was with his family.
Suguru playing piano and then going to a keyboard is a cool idea. Makes me think thatâs the reason Satoru even found out about the launchpad, because Suguru was playing on a keyboard that could record sounds (like Gene Belcherâs keyboard from Bobâs Burgers) and he was having fun making keys play random sounds.
As for Shoko, pretty sure the wine glass thing needs like an opening for that to happen, like it being a thin walled bowl, so I donât think they would be able to do that. The only place on their body that could possibly do that is the back when the cork is out. However, it could be inspired in its own body and end up playing glasses as like a gimmick! (also for some reason like the idea that Shoko plays the flute, idk why but I like it).
Genre-wise, I definitely see Satoru having EDM as a kind of comfort pick since that is what blue knew for most of his life and played a lot. Maybe blue ends up joining Suguru in playing regular classical music Shoko with Rock as a change of pace and to break free from some negative emotions associated with EDM that he has from his family.
Suguru playing neoclassical is pretty good. Probably plays some classical music at times without EDM influences just to relax (or like, he makes a bunch of random sounds for each key and plays like Bach or Beethoven with random ass sounds lol).
Shoko, Yu, and Kento being rock I think makes sense. Imagine if that is another reason Satoruâs family didnât like Shoko lol, it plays rock which is âobviously not a good genre since no Vinyl City musician plays itâ (this is the familyâs ideology with rock as they are powerful enough to see how rock was thrown out of the city over the course of a decade and realized it was a dying genre. All of this was before the revolution which probably didnât change the familyâs mind all that much).
-Introverts/Extrovert: Yu is the extrovert that drags the introverted friends around to make more friends lol. But honestly yeah, having a LOT of friends is really exhausting and also the fact it takes an introvert like me at least 2-3 years of knowing someone before I even call them a friend at all (which just makes the idea of making new friends super hard for me to want to do).
At least these 5 have each other for friends! Iâm sure Yu will help the group grow more (like with the arachnikids) so hopefully the other 4 can make more close friends without even realizing it.
-Nueva York Ride: I honestly think they would know where they were going. The counselors (or even just Miguel) would have explained everything (or everything they needed to know) to the teens before getting them on the bus. They wouldnât have a choice whether they were going or not, but they wouldnât be kept in the dark because that could be a dangerous situation where people with powers are freaking out thinking they are being kidnapped or something (even if they have power suppressing watches on, having these teens freak out or be in the total dark is not something that will be good for them).
Olivia would honestly be really chatty with the kids. She would tell them how different exercises would go and how this is going to be a learning experience for everyone on how their powers work. Basically she would be talking more about the science side of things and how great this is and to look on the bright side. Honestly this would probably freak the teens out a little bit thinking that Miguel lied to them and they are being taken to a lab to be experimented on like animals (which⊠is kinda true).
-First days: Yeah, thatâs basically how I see it going as well. Those reactions are basically the main reactions that come out of all newbies who get to Nueva York. Another reaction would be total obedience, thinking that doing everything you are told as perfectly as possible will get you out sooner. All these reactions apply to people who were forced to go to Nueva York, those who volunteered to go are a lot more calm about being there on their first few days (obviously because they had the choice).
-Experiments: Technically she does. But itâs more like she takes like blood and hair samples from the kids, helps with physicals, and makes them use their powers in certain tests for observation and possibly manipulation (like having a watch on a low setting and making the kids use their powers).
Itâs not like she is sticking needles with multicolor liquids into these kids or performing vivisections or something. She probably would if it werenât completely unethical, and anyone who works with her can tell that, which is why almost everyone who sees her scientist side is freaked out by her.
Did I say that Ham is not afraid of Liv? I swear I thought I said they were afraid of Olivia. I can honestly say that Ham would be the one Liv cared about least because their powers canât really work when afraid, so them being afraid of her makes their power super weak as they canât find humor in the situation. (Maybe Ham doesnât flinch because they are frozen in fear. This is also why Jonathan has to be the one to fight Liv because she traumatized everyone else so much they are too afraid to fight, well maybe except Hobie who would have gladly fought Olivia if it knew it wasnât needed with the Miguel fight).
Anyway, I like the idea that Olivia is like Moira from Overwatch. She is willing to do anything for the pursuit of science, even experimenting on herself or others. The only real difference is that Liv is a lot more friendly and hasnât been pushed yet to actually commit atrocities to humanity yet like Moira has.
(Also, Olivia isnât the only scientist doing these experiments that I said earlier, but she is the head scientist so she has constant interactions with all patients compared to other scientists, doctors, or nurses).
-Swears: Yeah, we are talking about a lot of teens who all know different languages. They are absolutely teaching each other swear words (especially Hobie who already knows a TON of swears in multiple different languages thanks to Ex-Jay and Bunny lol).
Also, Yu saving his swear pass until Liv is defeated is so funny to me. Because I can see him saying that, and Liv moves a little and he immediately backs up thinking she isnât fully defeated and is still kinda scared of her.
-Extra arms: Love the idea that everyone was watching Eve on the TV or something doing a performance where she makes extra arms and people start asking Pav if he can do that too. He has no idea but tries and is able to do it (though they arenât as real as Eve sometimes and so if they are holding an object sometimes they become incorporeal and drop what he is holding).
After a bit Shoko, Yu, and even Satoru were able to make extra arms, or at least like floating hands (Shokoâs being made of light, Yuâs made of ash with some like grass tufts in them, and Satoruâs being the most like Eveâs in a real sense but made of space and kinda see through).
-Familial figures: I can see Hobie just seeing a majority of the arachnikid and JJK cast as younger sibling figures. Definitely takes a bit longer to care about Satoru and Suguru with their attitudes, but once mutual respect is made I can see Hobie becoming very much protective of all of them like an older sibling.
As for DJSS, I donât know. I donât see Nova as one to really want to be a father figure all that much or would want to have kids/teens really. Like he has no problem teaching young minds, or helping take care of kids to an extent (like taking care of the younger 1010s or Yinu), but actually saying that they see Satoru as their kid/son-figure is not something I think would happen.
Having it the other way, where Satoru sees Nova as a kind of father-figure that is better than blues own father, is definitely something I can see happening. Nova would do their best to like, help out where he can, but becoming a fully father-figure for extended periods of time is not honestly something I see them doing.
Also, if this did happen, Neon would absolutely want to also be a father figure to Novaâs new son. He actually loves children/teens and wants to be a good father (now the question on if he actually IS a good father is a totally different discussion).
-Halloween (JJK): I donât think Catherine or Neon J are really people to dress up as. At least not Catherine as she is just Yinuâs mother and manager to the public. Neon J probably started becoming a lot more active after the Rock Revolution so more people probably would try to dress up as him for halloween.
Anyway, Yu is definitely going as Sayu (and then him and Gwen have that moment of âwell someone is going to have to changeâ because she also dressed up as Sayu that same halloween lol). Kento dressing up as DJ Necropolis is so funny to me lol.
I donât know about the Shibuya Incident, but dressing up as Yokais would probably be pretty fun. Or like just different creatures from different cultures like the Gan Ceann/Headless rider of Irish folklore, or like Phoenixes from Egyptian myths.
-Halloween (Arachnikids): Gwen I can see wanting to be Sayu, but when she finds out Yu is gonna dress as Sayu instead dresses up with Miles. I can see Frankenstien and the Bride of Frankenstien being their costumes for some reason.
I like Margo dressing as her own version of Hatsune Miku a lot. Makes me think of all the different Miku designs that look absolutely beautiful and Margo would have so much fun making a costume of her own version of Miku.
Peni and Yinu I can see maybe doing some kind of matching costumes (donât know what though), but Carna and Synthia wouldnât. Marigold might match with Yinu and Peni. Carna does not like the idea of matching costumes at all and would rather do faer own thing. Synthia probably wouldnât even get a costume. He would have to make it himself (or have the others help him but he wouldnât ask for help so heâd make it himself). Heâd probably be like a ghost or something simple, since heâs just in it for the candy and since his mom doesnât want him around so trick-or-treating is the best thing he can do that night.
Ham as Mailyn Monroe. 100%. Love it!Â
Hobie is probably gonna participate in the sense that they are gonna hang out with everyone. Probably tell them to make their own costumes and not just buy stuff to feed into consumerism and capitalism (especially people like Yinu who is very used to buying parts of her costumes instead of making things from hand, which she probably hasnât done since her dad was alive). I will say though, Hobie is most likely buying a bunch of discounted halloween candy once the holiday is over. Sure itâs feeding the capitalistic machine, but itâs also candy that is gonna get wasted if not bought (and they could go and give it away to kids, friends, people who are down on their luck and need a small boost along with any other help Hobie is offering).
Pav and Gaya are definitely doing matching costumes like Miles and Gwen are. I like the idea of them being vampires. Seems really cute and they would definitely pretend to bite each other all throughout the night and be laughing and having so much fun.
Ganke also matches with Miles and Gwen, but in a funny way. So if they are Frankenstien and the Bride, Ganke is the doctor, or if they are Jack and Sally, Ganke is Zero. The three are gonna have fun with it lol
-Piercings: Hobie helping Suguru start getting piercings in Nueva York (with like a needle and fire, definitely not professional but Hobie does know what they are doing because of Bunny), but once they are out of there Hobie takes Suguru (and anyone else who wants piercings) to Bunny who helps Suguru start his journey for guages.
-Nanami Spaceman: I never watched the Lego Movie, but I looked up a video with all Benny scenes and omg he is amazing! Love that little Lego guy!
But anyway, you mean when Benny hits the spaceship and it falls apart? That power? Because honestly that is really funny to think about where like if Nanami is upset and so bonks his head on a table and then the table just splits in a 3:7 ratio lol. Because that would prove that sometimes Nanami canât control his powers, which just reinforces Nueva York to keep him there (even though it is a very funny thing to happen lol).
-SaSiSu first meet:Â
Satoru: âLetâs take a look see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes yikes. And, let me guess, you have a great personality?â
Love the fact that Shoko is just honest about being a gold digger lol. It was already scamming before the three were friends (honestly Shoko being the one who started the healing/power stealing scam seems a lot more likely now than Satoru).
Glad the three were able to become friends even with the weird ways they met each other.
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Talking about headcanons is fun! So yeah, keep sending them in if you want and they keep making you happy! Just, you know, send them in multiple asks if they feel like they are getting really long. Just so people who donât want to scroll a long time donât have to.
I would say that headcanons like the instruments, the first meeting, and halloween costume ideas (both groups together) can each be their own ask. Like that is a good length to cut off size-wise. While things like the piercings, extra set of arms, introvert/extrovert, and sketchbook headcanons are all small enough to send as a single ask.
Obviously Iâm not gonna be super strict about asks length honestly, so if you end up making a long ask that you canât separate because itâs all one thing then donât worry about it! This is just something to note because I canât shorten asks like I can my answers and I know some people donât like to see super long asks (I know sometimes I donât when scrolling tumblr lol).
Anyway! This was all fun to talk about like usual! Honestly my fave part was talking about Olivia and how people are scared of her lol. Satoru being slightly unfazed because of his upbringing would be a neat thing that occurs, or blue is even more scared of her because of how he was treated by his family. Could go either way!
#nsrtalk#spidertalk#jjktalk#eriverse#eritalks#noart#asks#so yeah#send in multiple asks instead of one huge one#if your HCs can be separated#just to not make huge asks lol#i am absolutely fine with multiple asks being sent in#i just noticed each of these asks#keep getting longer and longer#which is absolutely fine!#i did this when i sent in asks myself when n/sr first came out#so i totally understand wanting to ramble#but breaking up HCs will make the dash experience better#:3
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that bi4bi sex hits different
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The worst part is, they're all such absolutely queer ships. Desiree!Janet is romance repulsed, and probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Peter x Cass have a bi4bi dynamic that complements Cass's entirely different perspective on interpersonal relationships. I'm not going to go into the one shots because they embarrass me as much as I am proud of them, but they're both very much representative of...nonnormative sexuality.
And yet. I still hit that damned m/f button. Every time. đ
Okay I'm doing this gay ship thing all wrong because all my published ships thus far are "the world's most bisexual man" and "the world's objectively coolest woman*".
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ive rewatched fma brotherhood like 30 times but i ONLY JUST NOW noticed the way roy hugs riza here after mei heals her. iirc this is the only royai hug in the entire show. what the fuck dude
#diversity win! roy and riza from the hit 2009 anime fmab the most queerbaitey m/f ship in existence#NMKHXFGVDFJKH HEAR ME OUT#royai hits different okay. whatever their whole Deal is it just isn't cishet#their relationship is so interesting and well written that it feels like i'm being queerbaited every time i rewatch it#(however they ARE also incredibly bi4bi so. yknow. gay love by association or something. ill allow it)#leo.txt#fma#fullmetal alchemist#fmab#royai#roy mustang#riza hawkeye
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Me and my bf are getting such big heads bc honestly we rarely go out to eat bc of covid being busy etc but when we donor when we go to pick up food we ALWAYS get free stuff for being a cute couple usually free bread cheese pasta wine etc someone gotta take us down a notch
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grief towards espagnols LV2 who never knew the ups and downs the highs and lows of lola rennt watching in class. forges an entire bitch
#sign ur kid up for german LV1 n find them watching all the artsy movies#im rewatching it cuz i felt the Pull n the way i still can like. know what tey're saying#like my german is shit now rip i have to relearn it was sort of ok but i just know out of Knowing the movie. carnally.#girlie doesnt get enough recognition she was teh true feral girl out there screamingyelling barking sweaty mlessy hair crusty crumply#me watching it now like 'they r bi4bi himbo/girlboss#it is true for me#this movie also said every cop or security guard is the most incompetent being on earth n its true#i think we like watched it twice as in on two different years please...then between the asignments on it and just. personal interest.#this must be one of my world's most watched movies ever#we had to act fjgjdsfs we had to write and act a 4th ending as assignment and i fucking still remember fucking dialog from that#anyway this movie in hindsight so explanatory of my today's tastes in editing cinema style flavour etc#so its funny to watch today. the thing one (1) german movie at age 13 can do to a mf#tbh we only watched fingerlicking good movies in german class idk if my teachers had good taste or just german cinema does have some pussy#gotta hit up the old teacher like 'sup girlie bestie any movie recs???'
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Not me looking up Cancer and Pisces zodiac compatibility for this XD
Aaaaaand oh snap!!! According to zodiac.com, they very much are!!!
Love that for them đŠâđâ
It fits because I always see Anna mostly taking the lead in the relationship, which is something she's still kinda trying to figure out, what with stunted social skills and all! Meanwhile Hiccup usually prefers to step back and let her take the lead, but sometimes he steps up into a leadership role if he really needs to, or if Anna just wants a break!
I feel based on them both being ND-coded, they'd have a pretty intuitive and instinctive understanding of each other as well. The way their personalities compliment each other also creates a really neat contrasting synergy! But, as much as they vibe and as much as they love each other, it would be important to Hiccup and Anna to keep their individuality as well and not totally become a singular unit. They're both head-in-the-clouds kind of idealists (even if Hiccup is much less quick to admit this, and usually covers it with sarcasm XD), and would probably want to both cling to their individual visions of a better world. Although these would probably often overlap!
Also on Bustle: "Once theyâre in a relationship, these two may need some time to adjust. According to DeFranco, both signs tend to play emotionally supportive roles in their other connections and are more used to giving love than receiving it. Once theyâve made the necessary adjustments, these two have what it takes to develop a strong bond."
Like. Yeah. "Both signs tend to play emotionally supportive roles in their other connections and are more used to giving love than receiving it" That's them alright ;_____; My poor children don't know what it's like to feel unconditionally loved, but they could change that for each other!!!
ANYWAYS, this AU is so cool đđđThese two as a water-powered space hero duo would be so badass đ And maybe since they're both water signs, they could sync up their powers??? Like waterbenders who both work together to control the same water and do terrifyingly awesome stunts with it :O And in 0 gravity, they're gonna have an even better time! Hehe
The way their water powers make both their eyes blue (or bluER, in Anna's case) is such a neat little detail đ©”
Utterly obsessed with the outfits you made for them :O Anna slays SO HARD in that kinda cerulean water blue, and seeing her in that dress makes me wish more people drew her in that color :O Like damn! The different little shades brought out by the sparkles and the glitter!!! The way the bodice captures exactly the way sunlight ripples and gleams off stream or pool water!!! I'm enamored!!! Heh, pretty fitting aesthetic for the girl with a sister with ice powers, too XD One commands the solid form, and one commands the liquid form!
Goddddd, I never realized how damn GOOD Hiccup looks in indigo đ I always think of him in greens and reds and browns, but THIS??? This hits different in a way I didn't expect, and I am LIVING FOR IT. SLAYYYY KING!! đ And he's got a lovely little smattering of sparkles too!
Headcanoning they rubbed off on him from Anna's costume because they spend so much time cuddling ajkdulhsuyg
Love both their funky little astral royal headwear đ This is the only kind of monarchy I will accept!!! All hail the OTP and the OTP ONLY!!
I can't stop staring at your space background, it's just. So beautiful and ethereal :O I am seriously in LOVE. The way the blue kinda fades into the purple and pink with the backdrop of stars and constellations and planet rings just gives me this great sense of calm and awe. Space is so vast and terrifying and beautiful and I love it đ And, ah...especially when my ship is in it XD
Also, hmmm, that sure is a lot of blue, purple, and pink in this picture...bi4bi Hiccanna confirmed? XD
Amazing job on this, it's always a delight to see what awesome edits you come up with for Hiccanna month :3
Hiccanna month sci fi free space prompt: zodiac guardians, cancer x pisces đ€
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