#bi-specific

[leam1983]

Intimacy

We had our previously-mentioned Gay friends over for dinner and, once again, booze lightened discussion topics all the way down to this lovable, if nosy pair questioning why Walt, Sarah and I weren't more forward with each other.

Sarah tried to go for diplomacy. "I think there's something more fulfilling in treating one another as something like a totality, if that makes sense. We're lovers, sure, but we're also coworkers, friends, best friends - and also mutual points of reference. Actual affection feels like the icing on the cake for me, when there's so many other ways these two guys show me love on the daily."

Walt was his usual sensual and Epicurean self. "Love needs to cook. It needs to simmer, I've found. Good on you guys if you can just go at it from the moment the alarm clock rings, but I need comfort, gratitude and love to sort of rise up to the top of the day's worth of boiling emotions. Everything gets tossed in the pot, to make that work: daily successes and failures, frustrations, annoyances, particular points of attraction..."

Our friends are of Montreal's more libertine Gay circle, comparatively. They're a couple, but they're not exclusive; and they act as though the L word could only ever refer to lust. That's a fissure that's particularly observable if you really pay attention to your local scene's LGBTQA contingent and have some friends in the community. Some of us are lovers, some of us are cuddlers - and some of us act like the eighties never ended and their local Red Light district is an open parade of flesh to consume. Crucially, we're like any other social group in that we don't always understand one another's minutiae. We can respect them, but we don't have to live them.

And, here comes my turn. I sigh and buy some time by going for a bite of Walt's apple crumble.

"Straights have a certain idea of the Gay Couple," I start. "They're fit, decently moneyed, always well dressed - and the experiential value of their existence stands in for other things Straights might recognize, like having kids or investing in a house in the suburbs. That Archetypal Gay Couple prefers to invest in luxury brands, frequent trips, maybe the occasional shot at simulated parenthood with a dog or a cat - and they wear their contentment on their sleeves. They sometimes wonder why people don't just re-jigger their finanaces on a whim - if they were able to tell their bosses to fuck off and then fly to Portofino for two weeks, then surely the Straights can too, right?"

I raise a finger. "You'll tell me this is all wrong, but I'll remind you guys you're up to your third condo renovation in fifteen years. You call yourselves a couple and then brag about finding twinks on Grindr that you then bring home and fingerquotes-added service, to use them as part of threesomes or foursomes..."

They're tense, and I can tell. They're expecting me to get judgey, and I let them stew in it for a few seconds while I drink some soda.

"Some people are happy calling casual sex within and without a consensual structure a form of love, just like some Mormon couples would do exactly what you do, just wrapped in extra layers of justification designed to appease leftover Catholic morals. I've never called Sarah a bitch to work her up, I've never called Walt a fat fuck or whatever else it is you're probably imagining, and the idea of doing what you do with the people I love rubs me the wrong way."

I shrug. "We like to think of ourselves as a big, unified movement standing up against bigotry and general misunderstanding, but the fact is we just cannot consistently understand each other - just like how I can't understand how you two are so insistent we explore your kinks, honestly."

The silence that follows is understandably heavy, but I feel Sarah's hand grip mine. Walt feels obligated to keep his hands in view, so he eventually hooks a foot against one of mine.

Let's call the older one in the couple Peter. The younger one is Bruce. Peter's the first to break out of the malaise I've instigated and nods pointedly. "Oh no, I get it - asserting boundaries makes complete sense, Grem. I'm sorry if we gave you the wrong impression; we probably lost touch with the less-demonstrative crowd from down the street, if you understand."

As Montreal has its drag kings and queens, its out-and-about Queers that aren't shy about turning their sexuality into a sizable chunk of their public image - and then there's Walt, Sarah and I, and people like us. The "stealthy LGBTQA", if you will - those of us who are indeed out to their friends and loved ones, but who chose to internalize their sexuality. I have my Bi and Pride pins, for instance, but I won't put them anytime outside of Pride season. I don't dress in the Bi flag's colors and I'd say it doesn't define the entirety of my identity. It's a good chunk of it, but it's not everything that makes up moi.

Cross me on the street and you won't peg me for a bi man. You won't peg Walt for a gay man on sight, and you won't peg Sarah for a straight woman. You'd have to get to know us to figure it out, in the absence of this blog as a handy reference point.

Bruce speaks up and things clear up instantly. "I just think it might be nice to, y'know..."

The polycule shares a glance. Peter looks remorseful while Bruce looks wounded and hopeful. I've never spotted his signs of infatuation, and I wonder if there are any. They're casual, as I've mentioned, so I have to wonder if this isn't some good old lecherous curiosity. Unfortunately, any hope I would've had to see Bruce being willing to commit to taking things at our speed is obliterated by his next sentence.

"Can I be honest? I just really wanna rail you, Grem."

Brought up like this, in that context - no. That is absolutely not my wheelhouse. I try not to get too icy seeing as this is Bruce making an effort at "friendliness" at the tail-end of an awkward conversation he and his beau initiated, but I think I can be excused if I'm a bit rigid, in-context.

"Not interested, sorry," I flatly reply.

Expectedly enough, Bruce and Peter leave quickly after accepting one token coffee cup. With boundaries having been set, I made an effort to warm things up by discussing our business plans. Peter seemed to take to this like a raft in the ocean, and was more than glad to see us take further steps to leaving the Other Place behind. That allowed us to close the door on them in an at least cordial manner, thank God.

Once they'd left, however, Walter glowers at the door. "What are we supposed to do; plaster a sign out in front that might say We've got a good thing going and aren't a Sainte-Catherine Street flophouse, thank you?!"

Sarah shrugs as she picks up the dishes. "It takes all kinds, Walt. Gay, Bi, Straight, whatever - some people are into building something that's long-lasting and others just want to feel something. It's not just in the Gay circle; you've heard Grem talk about his sad little attempt to visit a strip club after graduating."

I scoff and shake my head. "Some of these dancers were Postgrad students of their own. Some patrons were there to ogle at a respectable distance, others just really wanted sex. These were Straight people, Walt."

I pause to start scrubbing a plate in the sink. "Technically, I've never actually wanted to have sex with either of you, if I'm honest. What I've always wanted was to have someone to love, and to be loved."

That gets Walt to stop and give me a long and thoughtful look. After a few seconds, there's a smile underneath his mustache.

"I never thought of us in these terms before. I approve, honestly."

Sarah, of course, has to deliberately dull that moment of attempted emotional and perceptual depth with a joke.

"Bruce's idea of casual sex is weird, anyway. A little fellatio while the S.O's cutting veggies for supper, a little early-evening anal for cardio, one or two good pumps in the shower, followed by his attempt at Tantric sex, which probably stops at frenzied frottage while mumbling om mani padme om."

Sarah keeps building on this, to the point where we're left cackling and have a hard time being efficient with what's left in the sink.

[aspharah]

shoutout to bi ppl fr. bi women, bi men, bi nonbinary people. blows a kiss to masc bi women and fem bi men in particular. fat bi people, bi poc, aspec bi people, trans bi people, i love all you guys

[towards-toramunda]

Cow man with no horns

Cow man with big horns

Cow man who has never been horny

Cow man who is constantly horny

I love it

[wolfythewitch]

If I drew ford the same way I drew Stan can I still use the term butch to describe her

[tiredandoptimistic]

Love may have lost in Restoration, but it wins with my banger RvB pride flags

Diversity win! Red vs Blue has allowed local queer person to reach new heights of hyperfixation for eight years and counting.

[laminecuisine]

Happy Pride Month 🩷💜💙

[miwiromantics]

I’m so hilarious…

[memryse]

Ok. Aroace beam

[sonlc]

had a really strong urge to draw sonaze today and i dont know why. anyways theyre sapphic and t4t <3

[matoitech]

blue but to the two hands mv bcuz i saw it and was like holy shit thats so blue.. he would do that he should have that. drawing him in his own racing gear consumed my mind. hes taking pics w some of his backup dancers afterwards

[ingravinoveritas]

Michael talking about/confirming having a crush on a man on The Assembly tonight.

[theartofmadeline]

it's pride month! you know what that means (gay knight time)

[redysetdare]

"This fandom is so queer friendly!" This fandom literally hates, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, and aspec people but ok.

[leitereads]

Maybe it is my bi aroace brain playing tricks on me but I find it so hard to grasp the concept of only liking “one gender”. What do you mean I have to pick? What do you mean by “gender”? Is it edible?

[keepyourpantsongohan]

I have a Venn Diagram to share

[deadpoets]

JESS MARIANO + BI COLORS