#bi lesbians do not exist hope this helps

[lostryu]

i don’t trust people who say “stop worrying about [issue] there are bigger things to worry about!”

A.) i can multitask

B.) why do you have an opinion? go worry about the heat death of the universe. seems like that’s the biggest issue there is

[necrofuturism]

since it's coming up a lot in discussions nowadays thanks to the US election, here's a really good reddit post about the 4B movement's transphobic + homophobic roots.

tl;dr - any sort of "female separatism" movement needs to be interacted with critically because of its inherent want for a definition of "female." the only thing that can define a woman is herself.

for the love of trans women, lesbians, bi women, black women, brown women, gnc women, gay men, and queer people who are affected by this type of exclusivity, let's nip this shit in the bud.

radical feminism helps nobody, it only hurts.

full reddit post transcript under the cut:

The 4B movement is not what you think. Please do some research.

I know that the 4b movement has been heavily suggested recently due to the ongoings on America, but if it's something people are interested in, I heavily, heavily advise people to look into it and think about the implications, especially if you care about minorities. Trumps administration does not only effect women, and the 4b movement in South Korea is a radical feminist movement that has done harm to other movements.

To put it simply, it lacks intersectionality. 4B has three main issues within its community: 1. Rampant transphobia, 2. Homophobia, and 3. The demonisation and bullying of other women. I don't think it should come as a shock that a movement like this will become a breeding ground for transphobia - in South Korea, at protests, pamphlets have been handed out to identify and push out transgender women, even escalating to a case of many members of the 4B movement rallying to have a transgender woman stripped of her degree.

The website Womad is an online community of woman in South Korea. It uses the same upvoting system as reddit, except the upvote is replaced by a swtsika and has a very weird obsession with Htler = good takes and many young women getting into Nzism along with radical feminist. The website originated because a website banned the use of homophobic language and the outing of gay men, and many women apart of the 4B movement decided they wanted to do that, and created womad to be able to continue. It is the main site for 4B, and very akin to our 4Chan - rampant with bigotry, a hatred of transgender people, gay men, and other women. Many Korean women have been ridiculed and bullied for dating men, for being pregnant, some lesbians even targeted for "acting as men do".

I don't post this to dissuade or slander the movement. In theory I understand it and why people are wanting it to take off, and I do understand why it became so popular in South Korea, due to the horrific misogyny the women face. However, I do urge people to realise women are not the only people in danger in America at the moment. These types of movements are breeding grounds for bigotry (as proven by its current existence), and when so many other people are at risk, if you actually care for their rights as well, I hope that you atleast do some research into 4B without jumping straight into it.

[genderqueerdykes]

howdy, this may be a stupid question but I saw a post of yours talking about how men can be lesbians and I'm just a little confused? can some men be lesbians just because they identify with the label? and If people of any gender can be lesbians what does being a lesbian mean? my understanding may be flawed so I would really appreciate help in understanding :3

hello there! not a stupid question!

yep, men can be lesbians simply by identifying with the label, that's all there really is to it! that's how every queer identity except intersex works, in fact! in recent years, we've begun welcoming non binary people into lesbian and gay spaces- so why can't we open the doors to other people? this can be for a variety of reasons why a man would identify as a lesbian, transmascs and trans men who started in the lesbian community and still feel a connection to that identity, bi/multigender men, genderqueer men, genderfluid men, intersex men, bi and pan men who feel like their attraction is gay and lesbian instead of gay and straight, lesbian trans women who are also men, the sky is really the limit!

it's a bit complicated to define what terms like "gay" and "lesbian" truly mean, because they don't exist in a static vacuum that can encompass everyone in that given community. every lesbian has a different definition of what lesbian means. many lesbians believe that it strictly means cis women being attracted to cis women, which is definitely not how lesbianism works at all. no two queer people will ever define a queer term the same way. a lesbian is anyone who identifies as one. it can be a queer woman, non binary person, or man, or a gender well beyond that. or no gender at all.

for example, there's a loooooonnnngggg history of trans women who are also gay. many trans women still identify as gay and with the gay community even well after transitioning and not identifying as a man anymore. this has been a well documented experience since the dawn of the modern queer community in the United States, so why can't we extend the same to men and lesbianism?

when i say i'm a lesbian, i mean a lot of things. i do experience queer attraction to women ofc, but for me, lesbianism is about community and expression. it's about my love for other lesbians, dykes and sapphics, not just women. i'm a lesbian-oriented person. i resonate with the community, history, and culture. i feel right at home hearing about other lesbians' struggles and experiences with gender, expression, identity and sexuality. i see myself in other lesbians, dykes, and sapphics, and just because i'm (partially) a man doesn't mean i have to give all of that up!

i hope that makes sense! most queer identities don't have a concrete definition when you get down to brass tacks. for example "genderqueer" is not something that's easily defined at all. people love to argue about what it "really" means but there's no one answer to that. the same goes for lesbianism. the experience is too broad to be able to be defined simply by saying a lesbian is is a woman attracted to women. identity and lived experience is too varied and complex for that

feel free to have any more questions you may have! if you'd like, i highly recommend looking into the life and works of Leslie Feinberg, a transmasculine butch lesbian revolutionary and queer activist who had to transition into manhood in order to feel like hirself as a butch lesbian. zie identified as multigender and never gave up hir lesbian identity, even after living as a man for many years. it was vital to hir butch lesbian identity :) thanks for stopping by, i appreciate you asking!

[bisexual-coala]

hi there! fellow bi person here! i've seen your post about "butch" and "femme" *not* actually being lesbian-exclusive and i am really interested in learning more about this history. i don't know where to start though, so do you mind sharing links or giving pointers as what to search for? thanks so much in advance!

Hi! Of course! <3

Butch and femme identities come from a time where lesbian meant sapphic. Lesbian was an umbrella term back then as we didn't have the word bisexual used for people like us. If you liked women, you were a lesbian, didn't matter if you *exclusively* liked women or not. So, all sapphics used them and identified with them. Bisexuals were right beside lesbians building the butch and femme culture. Even after the word bisexual began being used, bisexual butches and femmes existed.

Here are some excerpts from historical queer books and videos. 1 2 3 (These books could be a good start)

Those identities are not even limited to only queer women. Even queer men use butch and femme.

From a New York Times article on butch existence by Kerry Manders, a butch writer, editor & photographer.

Selections from queer zines 'femmes unite!' (2007) and 'mutate' (1999)

The Butch Manual

I hope these help!

[cator99]

please finish your wedding story, i so badly want to hear the rest of it. i await eagerly.

>everyone lived happily ever after

>a few weeks pass

>I write the brides a lengthy and detailed letter of recommendation to their immigration lawyer

>they're overjoyed and think its a beautiful letter, and I'm glad to help because I hope they last forever and get everything they want in life, if I may drop the act and be sincere for a moment

>a few days pass. the bride I've known for over 15 years messages me

>however... she doesn't care. she's on her honeymoon. and I'm just some chick she was friends with as a kid. what does upset her is how she found out.

>at first I assume that the woman who reached out to her (who I knew back in jr high, and is a few years older than me) was just trying to upset her

>bride tells me about how this woman was her best friend and then suddenly blocked her out of nowhere, which was (and is) still very painful for her

>the woman, who we will refer to as "A" whips up a story about being concerned for the bride's safety and privacy or something

>bride is confused. there's no identifying information. the post is a nothingburger to her. what's important here is that she's upset that this woman messaged her after 4 years, not to make things right..... but to talk about "zander"

>right, this is about me, because this is "A" we're talking about here...... hell hath no fury like a closet case scorned

how did she find my blog?

I assume it went like this:

>"A" goes to peek at her ex-bestie's wedding photos

>"Zander" Spotted

>runs to LC

>"hey does anyone remember Zander who I used to post about on here all the time 7 years ago? I may have found an update!"

>"that's terf cator99 who was posted about on the Women Youre Ashamed To Want To Fuck thread you fucking idiot that looks nothing like her"

>no here's proof!

>autism ensues

>several replies get deleted, other responses indicate they're "A" sperging and linking my blog

>people argue if I deserve to be there anymore

>"she's a tif"

>"no"

> yes"

>"no"

>"I used to know her" ["A" posting]

>"tell us more!"

>"she used to have this one pair of glasses and then she had this other pair of glasses that looked really good on her..."

meanwhile:

>assume she's probably back on her LC shit

>find and link bride to the LC thread and explain to her that "A" has just been trolling for fun and to pay it no mind, you're better off without her in your life

>"hey bride-chan, not to be weird but I'm just trying to understand this shit, do you think A ever had a thing for me... I always kind of assumed she was bi or gay when we were younger and thought it was cool that she was androgynous and went to school dressed as Kaito from vocaloid all the time so I wanted to be her friend but she was pretty rude to people and I backed off"

>"well i dont know but she's married to a man now..."

>yet here she is trying to get under the skin of two women who are with other women

to be fair I earned the lolcow title fair and square years ago all on my own, and really do feel I owe "A" a favor for introducing me to the site. it was very formative for me to find out places like that existed right at the moment I was starting to have conflicting thoughts about the trans shit so I could gain some self-awareness (and general awareness overall) (shout out to "A"s friend who cowtipped to me.....)

meanwhile, on LC:

>"well done ladies, we've figured it all out. Butch Lesbian cator99 is currently partying with gay men, and It is common knowledge that "gay men" are all secretly bisexuals who are looking to hook up with women who say things like "I'm a lesbian" and "I am not attracted to males". That is their mating call, in fact. These words activate the Hetero gland in the Amygdala like a sleeper agent who has been biologically programmed– as we all are– to stop the kiki-ing and split off into heterosexual pairings at the end of a poppers-fuelled night assless-twerking to Britney."

>"good work. But I'll one-up you: look at this screenshot."

[photo from an instagram account, featuring a photo of 17 year old Zander's legs in the bath. "I Am Totally Into Epic Awesome Penis Now!!!!!!" (She had never seen a penis)]

>"yes, this is definitely a normal thing for a straight woman to say. I always knew she was a faker."

>"yes. as im sure you're all aware, there are many social and career benefits from pretending to be a lesbian."

>"doesn't that idiot know that she can't just lie and change her orientation? I can't believe she's been straight this whole time."

>"what does she have to gain from lying?"

>"She's so adamant about being a lesbian, which is a dead giveaway for a cover-up operation. The more they resist, the more evident it is that they are lying in order to gain access to that highly lauded Online Lesbian Following, which is something every straight woman wants deep down."

meanwhile:

>call gf

>"bad news. I just found out I'm actually straight."

[posi-pan]

https://www.tumblr.com/toyherb/748434177303658496/geiser-i-know-pansexuality-is-not-just-going-to?source=share

i saw this and do you know if this is true or not? because it made me sad / feel bad because before i came out (i didn't have plans to, at first) i was thinking long and hard on which labels fit me to the point of having sleepless nights because of it and then i found out about pansexuality due to this blog and that made me feel peaceful inside and that's how i figured out that this label fit me.

and now everyone on that post is like: think long and hard on the labels you use!!!! i don't want to exclude anyone. i don't want to erase anyone. this label just fits me. it fit me then, it fits me now. it's as simple as that.

sorry to dump this into your askbox during pride :((((

that post is absolutely not true. i have many posts on here calling out the idea that pan is somehow damaging bisexuality or whatever. pansexuality is not biphobic, individual people are. if someone is saying something biphobic, it’s because of their own flawed thinking or understanding, not because of whatever their sexuality is. funny how many heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians say horribly biphobic things, yet i don’t see any viral posts about how heterosexuality or gayness or lesbianism are biphobic. that logic only applies to pansexuality, i guess. *eye roll* it’s almost like the goal isn't calling out biphobia, the goal is spreading panphobia.

(and let’s not forget that pansexuality and pan people did not create any of these misconceptions about bisexuality that panphobes always talk about. those existed before pan got any kind of mainstream visibility. and don't believe panphobes when they say pan folks “changed the definition of bisexuality” either, as that’s just another panphobic lie.)

you don’t have anything to worry about. the only people doing damage are the people who make and share those kinds of posts telling people they’re queerphobic and hurting the community because they use a different word. pan has always existed and wasn’t created to be biphobic or transphobic and has always been welcome in the bi community. claiming otherwise is what’s wrong and damaging.

and idk when op posted that, but the earliest replies i saw were from 2020, so it’s interesting that people are sharing a years old post where the go-to example of a pan person being biphobic is even older: miley cyrus in 2016 saying she hates the word bisexual for putting her in a box. which. i remember that and pan folks, including myself, were criticizing her word choice. (even though she simply said she doesn’t like that label for her own sexuality and feels it’s too restrictive for her own sexuality and feelings. which isn’t queerphobic ffs. queer people of all kinds feel certain labels are too restrictive or don’t fully encompass their feelings. like. why is it only bad when a pan person says that about bi? i’m so tired of the double standards. also, where are these people when bi celebs are spreading biphobic narratives? they’re awfully silent then.)

please try not to give panphobes like that the time of day. their words have no weight because they’re rooted in hatred and queerphobia. they do a good job of masking their panphobia in supposed sadness about biphobia or concerns about the community (and sometimes wrap their message in faux intellectualism), but all of that rings false when you know where they’re coming from and what their intentions are. pan people are just trying to live our lives as authentically as we can, with language that feels true to us. panphobes on the other hand are actively spending their free time trying to make other queer people feel bad for *check notes* using different words. as if that isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world.

i hope this helps make you feel better!!! and no worries about sending this during pride!! 💖💖💖

[flyboy254cnchtv-blog]

So, I've been processing things over the past few days. I thought I knew my country, but I didn't. If anything, it proved me so wrong that I've been waking up nauseous, puking, forcing myself not to sob. I'm not one of the people most in danger, but the people I care about are. So I'm gonna go stream of consciousness, and please forgive me but I need to get this off my chest somewhere. For the love of all that's sacred, don't leave us. If you need to keep yourself or your loved ones safe, do it, do not feel like that's wrong. But you are needed. You are valued. You should not let those monsters in human flesh tell you your worth. I served in the Marine Corps, and in the service I learned. I learned about "the talk" every black family in America has to give their children for when they will, will, be stopped by a cop. I learned that so much of our military is made up of the children of those who came here searching for a better life. I learned that so many of my comrades are gay, lesbian, bi, and were better Marines that I could have ever hoped to be.

This freed me from the shell I'd been raised in. Whatever lies my Irish-Catholic parents tried to feed me didn't scan any longer. The only thing I learned to take from them is that immigrants, all immigrants, deserve to exist.

I will not call myself an ally, attempting to apply that appellation to oneself feels vapid and self-absolving. I will not get everything right, because I still have to learn a lot. But I know that for now, I will wake up, shake my boots off, and do what I can. Because my friends, my family, will need me to be as strong as I can.

This will not be easy. There will be moments where we will all ask if we can even go on. We can't lie to ourselves that somehow it will all work out. We need to get together, plan, and organize where and how we can. Our foes believe we are weak. Their mistake is that this is what they think of compassion, of morality, of simple decency.

You are valued. You are here. I want to see a world where you are able to be free, happy, and safe, no matter who you are. I posted earlier the quote from Bobby Sands. "Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." I do believe that. Because the woman I love says I'm the one she wants to bring up children with, and the only way that happens is if we cast down the false idol they have raised.

I still believe in the ideals in the Declaration of Independence. That the Constitution is a living document made to be changed, to be amended so that it can adapt to the times. I swore an oath, and I'm too damn stubborn to just accept that these terrors will persist. I'm not a leader, but I know how to follow orders. Point me in the right direction, and I'll do what I can.

Whoever reads this, you are not alone. You will never be anything less than human. The fact that your very existence, your happiness, fills them with such a rage is what I want to help you keep alive. If you're a person of color, if you're LGBT+, if you're a woman, know that there are still enough of us out there who want to help. Who want to know how. We got decked last Tuesday, but one slug to the jaw doesn't end the fight. This isn't Frasier vs Ali. This is Rocky vs Creed, and we're going all twelve. It'll be easier, and worth it, if we all go along together.

They think we're out, but already there are organizations, movements, local communities rebuilding and prepping. They are proud, and they have ripped their mask off now and brag of the evils they will inflict. We will use their words against them, and we will know that those who supported them have nowhere to hide. They wanted this, and they're going to get it. We need to be ready to get back to work after, whatever may come.

I hope you forgive me for what must seem like a ramble. I hope that you stick around, too. This fight is not, and will never be over until the last trace of their hate and propaganda is wiped from the face of the earth. Stay smart, stay resilient, and stay human. We will survive, and we will hear the laughter of the children before we know it.

[sevikasenby]

the way i got threatened and called a queerphobe on twitter bc i said i don’t support mspec “lesbians” and that they aren’t actual lesbians 😭💀

anyways just bc pride month is coming up, here is your gentle daily reminder that bi/pan lesbians do not exist, straight lesbians do not exist, lesbians do not like men and men cannot be lesbians. also lesbians who like non-binary people and women are not “mspec”. thats just called being a fucking lesbian 🫶 hope this helps.

[custom-emojis]

It says exculusionists in your DNI, what do you mean by that? /gen (if it's like when ppl say ace ppl don't belong in queer spaces yeah that sucks, I just wanna know that you count as exclusionist bc I don't wanna go against your DNI)

well first of all, I don't actually have a DNI i do not vet my followers it'd just feed into my paranoia and OCD spiraling. But- for what I consider to be an exclusionist in the sense of 'people i fucking hate'

People who are ace exclusionists

People who believe pan = Bi and or that pansexuality Should Not Exist

People who are against mspec lesbians and gays (hi! im pansexual and gay!)

people who are against the use of the word queer in general

People who like to dictate pronouns in any way

and generally, any piece of shit who thinks they can tell a queer person how they should identify. Hope that helps!

[professional-termite]

Give me your HM headcannons or else I will also eat your HM fanart

(your style is so squishy and warm like a freshly baked brownie or cookie)

you would EAT the termites art?? you would eat the termites art like cookie??? oh! oh! jail for anon!! jail for anon for 1000 years!!!

but seriously, i will GLADLY spew all my headcanons at you (buckle up anon!!) (also, thank you!!! this made my day :D)

kent:

first off, i like to think that his dad was an actual priest. idk which denomination (i think thats the word) he would be. basically, i headcanon that movie kent is queer (not labelled or anything. in my au hes gay tho) basically, his dad didnt accept him, and since kent was a basement dweller still living with his dad, his dad kicked him out, which is how kent ended up in new orleans working at a costume store and pretending to be a priest.

also, i headcanon that he was living out of his car during the movie, and thats why he was so excited to move into the mansion/do all the food runs. hes homeless.

also, he plays d&d and his character is 100% a half-elf cleric.

ben:

bisexual he/they. idk if he uses the label masc enby or demiboy, but...look at him. the most bisexual he/they to ever bisexual he/they.

also he has autism. thats canon because i say so.

gabbie:

i havent seen this one as much, but i also hc gabbie as bi. she just gives off the vibes idk.

also, i like to think that she used to play volleyball in high school. not for any particular reason, she just seems like the type who would be like "yeah im just a mom, lets play volleyball with my middle aged friends :)" and then she just absolutely MURDERS everyone

leota:

lesbian.

also, she charges $3 every time someone asks her a question post-canon. for kent, the price is $5. she calls it the idiot tax. she thinks kent is the biggest idiot to ever be stupid.

harriet:

LESBIAN.

also, she has, like, teenage-girl style posters of leota all over her room. i think, by extension, her celebrity crush would be jamie lee curtis (if she exists in this universe.)

also, i like to think that she would be a jennifer tilly simp (in homage to the original leota actress) and she would be a total chucky lore buff.

travis:

hes got the autistic swagger as well. once everyone gets used to him at school he ends up with a load of friends that think hes actually really cool. he gets to brag about having such a big family, and he tells "elaborate" stories about ghosts during class.

bruce:

elder gay. he helps kent come to terms with himself, and acts like the father-figure he needed. he's supportive whenever kent needs it, lightens the mood when the mood calls for it, and teases kent like hes a middle schooler whenever kent talks about who hes romantically interested in.

(i hope you dont mind that i didnt do any ghost hcs--i feel like not many hm blogs focus on the people from this movie! if you want to hear my ghost hcs, feel free to ask :D)

[lostryu]

it is absolutely wild to me that people will use the argument of “words don’t really have meaning” (a well-known transphobic talking point when someone is being misgendered) to use against lesbians who dislike the bi-lesbian label.

Like wow for someone who likes to accuse us of being TERFs, you guys sure like to use their talking points!

[baravaggio]

hello i wanted to ask you a question and i hope i don't sound biphobic.. what do you think of bi people in a heterosexual relationship who say they're "queering" heterosexuality or that their relationship is still queer? as a bi person myself i don't really get how you can "queer" a straight relationship because being queer is an act, unless the other person is also bi and they engage in sex practices that are subversive of heterosexual norms.... but i don't know! are there more academic discussions about this? i would like to hear your more informed opinion!

Hi! So this is a whole can of worms, but I'll do my best to answer...not without adding a couple long ass caveats first though, as always 😭

First, I think it's helpful to draw a distinction between sexuality descriptors as they're used to describe our private, internal experiences of sexuality, the ones that are mediated by invisible qualities like our personal sense of identity and time, and the sexuality descriptors as they're used as a tool of social categorization and political organization. I'm not interested in arguing against the idea that regardless of orientation, a visibly M/F couple will typically be read as straight, a visibly M/M or F/F couple will be read as gay or lesbian, and each will materially be treated differently as a result - this is obviously true, we live in a cisheteropatriarchal culture.

As always, I also think it's important to remember that words like straight, gay, queer, etc. are historically & culturally determined terms with their own messy histories, and that they're not necessarily going to track perfectly onto our lived experiences of sexuality as a result. So let's momentarily put aside any complaints about people who will say this stuff out of personal insecurity surrounding their "place in the queer community," or because they want to disrespect the sexual boundaries or lived struggles of gays and lesbians - not saying that you're doing this or that these people don't exist, but I don't think this is where the majority of people are coming from (despite how loud they can be on the internet), so I just want to get ahead of it.

To answer one of your questions, there is some academic discussion about this - this is by no means exhaustive, just a couple papers I've read that touch on the topic:

"Queer Ethics; Or, The Challenge of Bisexuality to Lesbian Ethics" by Elisabeth D. Däumer

"Playing with Butler and Foucault: Bisexuality and Queer Theory" by April S. Callis

Both are really interesting and fairly accessible imo, even if you've never read Foucault or Butler! And if you didn't already know, you can read 100 articles per month for free on JSTOR.

Those papers aside, my perspective has been informed by my personal experience more than anything. The tl;dr is that I don't really care what others do, but that I also think bisexuality throws a significant wrench into what we otherwise consider to be a relatively stable sense of ourselves as gendered, sexual, political, and social beings. It's destabilizing enough to make categorizing the emotional, sexual, erotic, and social aspects of our relationships as strictly straight or gay difficult for some people. While some of our relationships will be categorized this way in order to render them socially and politically intelligible to the larger culture, I think we can afford be a little more creative when we talk about how our bisexuality makes finding the right language for our relationships difficult. This of course won't be everyone's experience, but I can really only speak for myself here - I'll elaborate more on my personal experience and feelings under the read more if you're interested.

I'm not sure how much you know about me, so I'll give you the run down: prior to identifying as bi, I identified as a lesbian, and for most of my life I have found that my attraction (social, emotional, sexual, and much later, romantic) has been directed almost exclusively towards women. So much of the way I relate to others and myself have been informed by this lifelong experience of loving & being loved by women as someone who is read as a woman. I no longer identify as a lesbian (or strictly as a woman), but those experiences continue to shape the way I approach casual and intimate relationships, the way I have sex, my politics, my understanding of my gender, etc.

I prefer to sleep around and am not interested in dating for the foreseeable future (slut rights!), so I can't speak specifically from the POV of relationships...but I have found that this lifetime's worth of "lesbian" experiences have intimately affected my sexual experiences with men. Sex between women has its own unique tempo and its own language of eroticism, having sex with women has shaped the way I understand the "goals" of sex, how I move in my body, how I touch my partner...my encounters with women are ever present in & relevant to my encounters with men. Likewise, my experiences with men, specifically queer men, have impacted the way I have sex with women - I participate in still different practices of eroticism, different ways of relating to the bodies and emotions of others, different ways of understanding & accessing my physicality, and those experiences make constant additions and edits to the way I fuck women.

The effect of all this has been that I personally don't find much meaning in categorizing any given encounter as gay or straight. I think of this quote from Epistemology of the Closet quite often:

Will I categorize things along gay/straight lines for the purposes of answering a sexual health questionnaire when getting tested at a clinic, for example? Sure. But privately, between me and myself and me and my partners, I find the language inadequate. Even when the kind of sex I'm having isn't technically "subversive of heterosexual norms," the totality of my queer experience and how it never stops impacting upon my understanding of myself as a gendered, sexual, emotional, social, romantic, and political being prevents me from understanding it as entirely straight. At the same time, I wouldn't be offended if someone who is not privy to this history would label that encounter as a straight one. It's just a byproduct of the vocabulary available to us in the culture we live in.

I think it's important to understand that outside of the context of group sex or mixed gender polyamorous relationships, there is no way for us to meaningfully "perform" bisexuality. The origins of our modern sexuality labels lie in medicine and psychiatry, which has positioned heterosexual and homosexual acts as a dichotomy, with the goal of pathologizing homosexuality for the purposes of social control. In the article by Callis I linked above, she points out,

...the medicalization of "homosexual acts" forbids the creation of a bisexual person, because all individuals who were sexually active with others of the same sex were labeled as homosexual. Eadie (1993) stated that "bisexuality simply cannot exist as a category in discourses which name all male-male and female-female sex 'homosexual' and all male-female sex 'heterosexual'" (p.146) [...] Because "bisexual acts" did not exist within the medical discourse, there was also no corresponding bisexual species. A group of individuals could not be labeled as "bisexual" if there was no action they could perform that was read in this way. (p. 225)

I've discussed it some on here, but I highly recommend reading the Foucault section of that article for more context. Callis is talking about bisexuality as a personal identity descriptor, but I think the point extends to our descriptions of relationships as well. Another personal example - I have a fwb who is a cis bi man, a strict bottom who primarily has sex with other men. The way we understand ourselves and our relationship with sexuality and gender have been shaped by our sexual histories and preferences. The sum total of those experiences paired with the type of sex we have prevents both of us from understanding our arrangement as a strictly straight one, but if we were in a relationship, how would an outsider who might see us walking down the street hand in hand know that? Another quote, this time from the Däumer (p.96):

Anyway...maybe this wasn't the most direct or objective answer, but I think that the limitations of our language of sexuality mean that lengthier explorations are required - half the problem is that we don't have a succinct shorthand for this stuff! Like I said above, I can't really find it in myself to care what other people do. And I don't particularly care whether other people insist on calling my relationships gay or straight...I might not always agree, but I find it more amusing than distressing. The only thing I really care about is mutual respect and intellectual honesty, which is why I bother to be open about my personal experiences in the first place.

Hope this answers your question even a little bit 😭

[genderqueerdykes]

What are your thoughts on lesbian separatism and the rules some try to enforce today from that, especially that no bi person can use butch/femme terms?

Coming from a bi butch who struggled to use that term for myself because of those people

hello there! i'm really glad to took the time to ask, I have a lot to say on this subject!

lesbian separatism is bullshit! the "movement" started to exclude lesbians who are attracted to men, lesbians who are men, transgender and transsexual lesbians, and lesbians who socialize with men. this community has also expressed heavy amounts of butchphobia

butches who were men or partially men were cast out, as were butches who were transsexual or transgender, wanted to take hormones, or get top surgery or sex reassignment surgery. butches who didn't identify the way lesbian separatists like were chucked out of or heavily discriminated against in these spaces.

the "movement" was an attempt to make it so that lesbians who identified as bisexual were discredited and removed of their lesbian status. even lesbians who socialized closely with men were often seen as "traitors" to lesbianism. the idea that lesbians could not be men, even partially, was also introduced during this time, and there was a call to push trans men and transmascs out of lesbian spaces.

there are a lot of folks who are trying to put up barriers between lesbians and bisexual women/people, but those lines shouldn't exist to begin with. a lesbian is a lesbian regardless of who else they're attracted to. no one gets to tell someone what their identity is, and they certainly don't get to strip it away because of outside factors!

butch and femme are terms that have been used by the queer community for decades- they began seeing very popular usage in early 1900s america. these terms have been used for all queer people- feminine gay men were also called femmes and masculine gay men were also called butches.

femme was and is meant to used the queer presentation of femininity- whether that be a femme lesbian, a drag queen, a trans girl, a feminine trans guy, whoever it may be, if you are queer and primarily feminine or express queer femininity, the term femme was/is used

butch was and is meant to be used to refer to the queer presentation of masculinity- butch lesbians, drag kings, bears, trans guys, masculine trans girls, as long as you are someone who expresses queer femininity, the term was/is used

i am very sorry that you have been affected by this rhetoric- a lot of people have, especially now. i know that there are very vocal and angry people online right now trying to say what's right for the lesbian community, but separatism definitely is not it. you do not have to fuss over whether or not you can call yourself butch or femme as a bisexual lesbian- you are queer, and these terms are not tied solely to lesbianism. even if they were, you would still be allowed to use them, because you are a lesbian

a bisexual lesbian is a lesbian. a pansexual lesbian is a lesbian. a polysexual lesbian is a lesbian. an omnisexual lesbian is a lesbian. lesbians are lesbians regardless of how many genders we're attracted to. spreading us across numerous communities won't help- sticking together keeps us strong. acceptance of and love toward all lesbians will be what unites us

hope this helps! take care, stay safe, if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

[peachjagiya]

bisexual lesbians don’t exist and it’s so invalidating saying you’re that. you’re bisexual not a lesbian

Sigh. You know, I am rarely bothered by other peoples stupid comments but this actually did bother me a bit.

Invalidating whom? If you're bisexual and feel invalidated, I'm sad for that but it's not going to change my journey. I'm on the older side but I'll be figuring my sexuality out until I'm on my death bed, I think. If you find someone else's experience invalidating, I would suggest you examine your own prejudice and binary thinking about sexuality.

I'm bi-attracted, lesbi-romantic. I could never see myself with a man but I do find men attractive. It's complicated and bisexual lesbian is a silly label that helps me work through the complications of sexuality.

What you don't know is how long I've been working through it. We're talking twenty years since I came out. I've used lesbian and people side eyed me for finding celebrity men attractive. I've switched to bisexual and had people say "but you've never been with a man, you've been married to a woman for 15 years."

Don't talk to me about invalidation when it has been my life. Until this ask, I was perfectly happy with using bisexual lesbian for myself. That's why it bothered me so much. You just invalidated twenty years of work to understand myself.

But you're the kind of person who dedicates time out of your day to write this sort of thing so I doubt any of this has changed your opinion.

Anon, I really hope you can learn to be happy in yourself and your sexuality without feeling the need to bring others down about theirs.

Have the day you deserve 💜

[violottie]

do you have any tips for connecting with lesbians who... are actually lesbians

it's so grim how people are trying to redefine the sexuality to include men and I'm feeling v disheartened these days

hey anon

it can be difficult and frustrating no doubt, so i completely see your feelings on it.

so many "lesbian" blogs are openly lesbophobic in their push for "bi/mspec lesbians" to be a thing (which it isnt since all of them are bisexuals who have unhealed internalised biphobia), the idea that lesbians have and can and should fuck men "if we want but we really should or else we're exclusionary" (no to all of that what in the conversion therapy), and callinh us terfs if we proclaim our dislike for men (which makes no sense at the least and is their projection of their own transphobia at the worst, which it often is)

but i assure you anon, there are many blogs on tumblr that are for lesbians by actual lesbians. in terms of finding them, it can be difficult. they can be hard to find with how FKN loud all the lesbophobes are, but we are here.

scrolling through lesbian blogs to ensure they aren't supporting lesbophobic, transmisogynistic or racist ideas can be disheartening, but when you find lesbians, it's joyous. i know through my blog you should be able to find a good many.

ive been called everything under the sun just because i take pride in not only my exclusive attraction to women, but my gleeful dislike and hatred for men. but thats part of lesbian joy. our sexuality is beautiful, it is magnificent and magnanimous and liberating and more abundant than all the universe could possibly conjure into existence, and finding joy in that can be strengthened with community

also. block any blogs that spread those harmful lesbophobic, transmisogynistic and racist ideas. Don't even engage with them. They aren't worth your time and/or energy.

i hope this helps some anon ☺️ you can always send more asks if you have questions and I'll do my best to answer them

[amiableness]

don’t mind me also putting my two cents in for the bi-panic anon, but, as a young queer person who comes from a very religious muslim immigrant family…. I can relate. i am constantly plagued by thoughts of gender and sexuality.

as a young adult, when your family is your only support system, it can be very scary to come out if you’re not confident in them accepting you. If it’s possible and if it’s safe, I would recommend building a community of friendships with other queer people, which is much easier in college, but you can also do this online (safely, please), when you have some space from your family.

having this safe place to explore your identity and having others who understand what you’ve been through/are feeling as a sounding board is very helpful. and then when you move out and aren’t super financially reliant on your parents, you can come out to them if that feels right for you. there are always resources for you, although they can be tricky to find, like the Trevor Project. and something that helped me is consuming content made by some fabulous gay people. if the anon wants I’d be happy to share, but i think it’s important to recognize the multitudes that exist within the queer community. I hope this helps, even though i am not out to my family yet, and i’ve unfortunately only dated men (even though i have a boyfriend who would still love me if i came out as a lesbian lol)

maeve, you absolute angel. amazing advice as always <3