#bi lesbians do not exist hope this helps

[lostryu]

i don’t trust people who say “stop worrying about [issue] there are bigger things to worry about!”

A.) i can multitask

B.) why do you have an opinion? go worry about the heat death of the universe. seems like that’s the biggest issue there is

[bisexual-coala]

hi there! fellow bi person here! i've seen your post about "butch" and "femme" *not* actually being lesbian-exclusive and i am really interested in learning more about this history. i don't know where to start though, so do you mind sharing links or giving pointers as what to search for? thanks so much in advance!

Hi! Of course! <3

Butch and femme identities come from a time where lesbian meant sapphic. Lesbian was an umbrella term back then as we didn't have the word bisexual used for people like us. If you liked women, you were a lesbian, didn't matter if you *exclusively* liked women or not. So, all sapphics used them and identified with them. Bisexuals were right beside lesbians building the butch and femme culture. Even after the word bisexual began being used, bisexual butches and femmes existed.

Here are some excerpts from historical queer books and videos. 1 2 3 (These books could be a good start)

Those identities are not even limited to only queer women. Even queer men use butch and femme.

From a New York Times article on butch existence by Kerry Manders, a butch writer, editor & photographer.

Selections from queer zines 'femmes unite!' (2007) and 'mutate' (1999)

The Butch Manual

I hope these help!

[posi-pan]

https://www.tumblr.com/toyherb/748434177303658496/geiser-i-know-pansexuality-is-not-just-going-to?source=share

i saw this and do you know if this is true or not? because it made me sad / feel bad because before i came out (i didn't have plans to, at first) i was thinking long and hard on which labels fit me to the point of having sleepless nights because of it and then i found out about pansexuality due to this blog and that made me feel peaceful inside and that's how i figured out that this label fit me.

and now everyone on that post is like: think long and hard on the labels you use!!!! i don't want to exclude anyone. i don't want to erase anyone. this label just fits me. it fit me then, it fits me now. it's as simple as that.

sorry to dump this into your askbox during pride :((((

that post is absolutely not true. i have many posts on here calling out the idea that pan is somehow damaging bisexuality or whatever. pansexuality is not biphobic, individual people are. if someone is saying something biphobic, it’s because of their own flawed thinking or understanding, not because of whatever their sexuality is. funny how many heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians say horribly biphobic things, yet i don’t see any viral posts about how heterosexuality or gayness or lesbianism are biphobic. that logic only applies to pansexuality, i guess. *eye roll* it’s almost like the goal isn't calling out biphobia, the goal is spreading panphobia.

(and let’s not forget that pansexuality and pan people did not create any of these misconceptions about bisexuality that panphobes always talk about. those existed before pan got any kind of mainstream visibility. and don't believe panphobes when they say pan folks “changed the definition of bisexuality” either, as that’s just another panphobic lie.)

you don’t have anything to worry about. the only people doing damage are the people who make and share those kinds of posts telling people they’re queerphobic and hurting the community because they use a different word. pan has always existed and wasn’t created to be biphobic or transphobic and has always been welcome in the bi community. claiming otherwise is what’s wrong and damaging.

and idk when op posted that, but the earliest replies i saw were from 2020, so it’s interesting that people are sharing a years old post where the go-to example of a pan person being biphobic is even older: miley cyrus in 2016 saying she hates the word bisexual for putting her in a box. which. i remember that and pan folks, including myself, were criticizing her word choice. (even though she simply said she doesn’t like that label for her own sexuality and feels it’s too restrictive for her own sexuality and feelings. which isn’t queerphobic ffs. queer people of all kinds feel certain labels are too restrictive or don’t fully encompass their feelings. like. why is it only bad when a pan person says that about bi? i’m so tired of the double standards. also, where are these people when bi celebs are spreading biphobic narratives? they’re awfully silent then.)

please try not to give panphobes like that the time of day. their words have no weight because they’re rooted in hatred and queerphobia. they do a good job of masking their panphobia in supposed sadness about biphobia or concerns about the community (and sometimes wrap their message in faux intellectualism), but all of that rings false when you know where they’re coming from and what their intentions are. pan people are just trying to live our lives as authentically as we can, with language that feels true to us. panphobes on the other hand are actively spending their free time trying to make other queer people feel bad for *check notes* using different words. as if that isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world.

i hope this helps make you feel better!!! and no worries about sending this during pride!! 💖💖💖

[genderqueerdykes]

What are your thoughts on lesbian separatism and the rules some try to enforce today from that, especially that no bi person can use butch/femme terms?

Coming from a bi butch who struggled to use that term for myself because of those people

hello there! i'm really glad to took the time to ask, I have a lot to say on this subject!

lesbian separatism is bullshit! the "movement" started to exclude lesbians who are attracted to men, lesbians who are men, transgender and transsexual lesbians, and lesbians who socialize with men. this community has also expressed heavy amounts of butchphobia

butches who were men or partially men were cast out, as were butches who were transsexual or transgender, wanted to take hormones, or get top surgery or sex reassignment surgery. butches who didn't identify the way lesbian separatists like were chucked out of or heavily discriminated against in these spaces.

the "movement" was an attempt to make it so that lesbians who identified as bisexual were discredited and removed of their lesbian status. even lesbians who socialized closely with men were often seen as "traitors" to lesbianism. the idea that lesbians could not be men, even partially, was also introduced during this time, and there was a call to push trans men and transmascs out of lesbian spaces.

there are a lot of folks who are trying to put up barriers between lesbians and bisexual women/people, but those lines shouldn't exist to begin with. a lesbian is a lesbian regardless of who else they're attracted to. no one gets to tell someone what their identity is, and they certainly don't get to strip it away because of outside factors!

butch and femme are terms that have been used by the queer community for decades- they began seeing very popular usage in early 1900s america. these terms have been used for all queer people- feminine gay men were also called femmes and masculine gay men were also called butches.

femme was and is meant to used the queer presentation of femininity- whether that be a femme lesbian, a drag queen, a trans girl, a feminine trans guy, whoever it may be, if you are queer and primarily feminine or express queer femininity, the term femme was/is used

butch was and is meant to be used to refer to the queer presentation of masculinity- butch lesbians, drag kings, bears, trans guys, masculine trans girls, as long as you are someone who expresses queer femininity, the term was/is used

i am very sorry that you have been affected by this rhetoric- a lot of people have, especially now. i know that there are very vocal and angry people online right now trying to say what's right for the lesbian community, but separatism definitely is not it. you do not have to fuss over whether or not you can call yourself butch or femme as a bisexual lesbian- you are queer, and these terms are not tied solely to lesbianism. even if they were, you would still be allowed to use them, because you are a lesbian

a bisexual lesbian is a lesbian. a pansexual lesbian is a lesbian. a polysexual lesbian is a lesbian. an omnisexual lesbian is a lesbian. lesbians are lesbians regardless of how many genders we're attracted to. spreading us across numerous communities won't help- sticking together keeps us strong. acceptance of and love toward all lesbians will be what unites us

hope this helps! take care, stay safe, if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

[sevikasenby]

the way i got threatened and called a queerphobe on twitter bc i said i don’t support mspec “lesbians” and that they aren’t actual lesbians 😭💀

anyways just bc pride month is coming up, here is your gentle daily reminder that bi/pan lesbians do not exist, straight lesbians do not exist, lesbians do not like men and men cannot be lesbians. also lesbians who like non-binary people and women are not “mspec”. thats just called being a fucking lesbian 🫶 hope this helps.

[custom-emojis]

It says exculusionists in your DNI, what do you mean by that? /gen (if it's like when ppl say ace ppl don't belong in queer spaces yeah that sucks, I just wanna know that you count as exclusionist bc I don't wanna go against your DNI)

well first of all, I don't actually have a DNI i do not vet my followers it'd just feed into my paranoia and OCD spiraling. But- for what I consider to be an exclusionist in the sense of 'people i fucking hate'

People who are ace exclusionists

People who believe pan = Bi and or that pansexuality Should Not Exist

People who are against mspec lesbians and gays (hi! im pansexual and gay!)

people who are against the use of the word queer in general

People who like to dictate pronouns in any way

and generally, any piece of shit who thinks they can tell a queer person how they should identify. Hope that helps!

[professional-termite]

Give me your HM headcannons or else I will also eat your HM fanart

(your style is so squishy and warm like a freshly baked brownie or cookie)

you would EAT the termites art?? you would eat the termites art like cookie??? oh! oh! jail for anon!! jail for anon for 1000 years!!!

but seriously, i will GLADLY spew all my headcanons at you (buckle up anon!!) (also, thank you!!! this made my day :D)

kent:

first off, i like to think that his dad was an actual priest. idk which denomination (i think thats the word) he would be. basically, i headcanon that movie kent is queer (not labelled or anything. in my au hes gay tho) basically, his dad didnt accept him, and since kent was a basement dweller still living with his dad, his dad kicked him out, which is how kent ended up in new orleans working at a costume store and pretending to be a priest.

also, i headcanon that he was living out of his car during the movie, and thats why he was so excited to move into the mansion/do all the food runs. hes homeless.

also, he plays d&d and his character is 100% a half-elf cleric.

ben:

bisexual he/they. idk if he uses the label masc enby or demiboy, but...look at him. the most bisexual he/they to ever bisexual he/they.

also he has autism. thats canon because i say so.

gabbie:

i havent seen this one as much, but i also hc gabbie as bi. she just gives off the vibes idk.

also, i like to think that she used to play volleyball in high school. not for any particular reason, she just seems like the type who would be like "yeah im just a mom, lets play volleyball with my middle aged friends :)" and then she just absolutely MURDERS everyone

leota:

lesbian.

also, she charges $3 every time someone asks her a question post-canon. for kent, the price is $5. she calls it the idiot tax. she thinks kent is the biggest idiot to ever be stupid.

harriet:

LESBIAN.

also, she has, like, teenage-girl style posters of leota all over her room. i think, by extension, her celebrity crush would be jamie lee curtis (if she exists in this universe.)

also, i like to think that she would be a jennifer tilly simp (in homage to the original leota actress) and she would be a total chucky lore buff.

travis:

hes got the autistic swagger as well. once everyone gets used to him at school he ends up with a load of friends that think hes actually really cool. he gets to brag about having such a big family, and he tells "elaborate" stories about ghosts during class.

bruce:

elder gay. he helps kent come to terms with himself, and acts like the father-figure he needed. he's supportive whenever kent needs it, lightens the mood when the mood calls for it, and teases kent like hes a middle schooler whenever kent talks about who hes romantically interested in.

(i hope you dont mind that i didnt do any ghost hcs--i feel like not many hm blogs focus on the people from this movie! if you want to hear my ghost hcs, feel free to ask :D)

[baravaggio]

hello i wanted to ask you a question and i hope i don't sound biphobic.. what do you think of bi people in a heterosexual relationship who say they're "queering" heterosexuality or that their relationship is still queer? as a bi person myself i don't really get how you can "queer" a straight relationship because being queer is an act, unless the other person is also bi and they engage in sex practices that are subversive of heterosexual norms.... but i don't know! are there more academic discussions about this? i would like to hear your more informed opinion!

Hi! So this is a whole can of worms, but I'll do my best to answer...not without adding a couple long ass caveats first though, as always 😭

First, I think it's helpful to draw a distinction between sexuality descriptors as they're used to describe our private, internal experiences of sexuality, the ones that are mediated by invisible qualities like our personal sense of identity and time, and the sexuality descriptors as they're used as a tool of social categorization and political organization. I'm not interested in arguing against the idea that regardless of orientation, a visibly M/F couple will typically be read as straight, a visibly M/M or F/F couple will be read as gay or lesbian, and each will materially be treated differently as a result - this is obviously true, we live in a cisheteropatriarchal culture.

As always, I also think it's important to remember that words like straight, gay, queer, etc. are historically & culturally determined terms with their own messy histories, and that they're not necessarily going to track perfectly onto our lived experiences of sexuality as a result. So let's momentarily put aside any complaints about people who will say this stuff out of personal insecurity surrounding their "place in the queer community," or because they want to disrespect the sexual boundaries or lived struggles of gays and lesbians - not saying that you're doing this or that these people don't exist, but I don't think this is where the majority of people are coming from (despite how loud they can be on the internet), so I just want to get ahead of it.

To answer one of your questions, there is some academic discussion about this - this is by no means exhaustive, just a couple papers I've read that touch on the topic:

"Queer Ethics; Or, The Challenge of Bisexuality to Lesbian Ethics" by Elisabeth D. Däumer

"Playing with Butler and Foucault: Bisexuality and Queer Theory" by April S. Callis

Both are really interesting and fairly accessible imo, even if you've never read Foucault or Butler! And if you didn't already know, you can read 100 articles per month for free on JSTOR.

Those papers aside, my perspective has been informed by my personal experience more than anything. The tl;dr is that I don't really care what others do, but that I also think bisexuality throws a significant wrench into what we otherwise consider to be a relatively stable sense of ourselves as gendered, sexual, political, and social beings. It's destabilizing enough to make categorizing the emotional, sexual, erotic, and social aspects of our relationships as strictly straight or gay difficult for some people. While some of our relationships will be categorized this way in order to render them socially and politically intelligible to the larger culture, I think we can afford be a little more creative when we talk about how our bisexuality makes finding the right language for our relationships difficult. This of course won't be everyone's experience, but I can really only speak for myself here - I'll elaborate more on my personal experience and feelings under the read more if you're interested.

I'm not sure how much you know about me, so I'll give you the run down: prior to identifying as bi, I identified as a lesbian, and for most of my life I have found that my attraction (social, emotional, sexual, and much later, romantic) has been directed almost exclusively towards women. So much of the way I relate to others and myself have been informed by this lifelong experience of loving & being loved by women as someone who is read as a woman. I no longer identify as a lesbian (or strictly as a woman), but those experiences continue to shape the way I approach casual and intimate relationships, the way I have sex, my politics, my understanding of my gender, etc.

I prefer to sleep around and am not interested in dating for the foreseeable future (slut rights!), so I can't speak specifically from the POV of relationships...but I have found that this lifetime's worth of "lesbian" experiences have intimately affected my sexual experiences with men. Sex between women has its own unique tempo and its own language of eroticism, having sex with women has shaped the way I understand the "goals" of sex, how I move in my body, how I touch my partner...my encounters with women are ever present in & relevant to my encounters with men. Likewise, my experiences with men, specifically queer men, have impacted the way I have sex with women - I participate in still different practices of eroticism, different ways of relating to the bodies and emotions of others, different ways of understanding & accessing my physicality, and those experiences make constant additions and edits to the way I fuck women.

The effect of all this has been that I personally don't find much meaning in categorizing any given encounter as gay or straight. I think of this quote from Epistemology of the Closet quite often:

Will I categorize things along gay/straight lines for the purposes of answering a sexual health questionnaire when getting tested at a clinic, for example? Sure. But privately, between me and myself and me and my partners, I find the language inadequate. Even when the kind of sex I'm having isn't technically "subversive of heterosexual norms," the totality of my queer experience and how it never stops impacting upon my understanding of myself as a gendered, sexual, emotional, social, romantic, and political being prevents me from understanding it as entirely straight. At the same time, I wouldn't be offended if someone who is not privy to this history would label that encounter as a straight one. It's just a byproduct of the vocabulary available to us in the culture we live in.

I think it's important to understand that outside of the context of group sex or mixed gender polyamorous relationships, there is no way for us to meaningfully "perform" bisexuality. The origins of our modern sexuality labels lie in medicine and psychiatry, which has positioned heterosexual and homosexual acts as a dichotomy, with the goal of pathologizing homosexuality for the purposes of social control. In the article by Callis I linked above, she points out,

...the medicalization of "homosexual acts" forbids the creation of a bisexual person, because all individuals who were sexually active with others of the same sex were labeled as homosexual. Eadie (1993) stated that "bisexuality simply cannot exist as a category in discourses which name all male-male and female-female sex 'homosexual' and all male-female sex 'heterosexual'" (p.146) [...] Because "bisexual acts" did not exist within the medical discourse, there was also no corresponding bisexual species. A group of individuals could not be labeled as "bisexual" if there was no action they could perform that was read in this way. (p. 225)

I've discussed it some on here, but I highly recommend reading the Foucault section of that article for more context. Callis is talking about bisexuality as a personal identity descriptor, but I think the point extends to our descriptions of relationships as well. Another personal example - I have a fwb who is a cis bi man, a strict bottom who primarily has sex with other men. The way we understand ourselves and our relationship with sexuality and gender have been shaped by our sexual histories and preferences. The sum total of those experiences paired with the type of sex we have prevents both of us from understanding our arrangement as a strictly straight one, but if we were in a relationship, how would an outsider who might see us walking down the street hand in hand know that? Another quote, this time from the Däumer (p.96):

Anyway...maybe this wasn't the most direct or objective answer, but I think that the limitations of our language of sexuality mean that lengthier explorations are required - half the problem is that we don't have a succinct shorthand for this stuff! Like I said above, I can't really find it in myself to care what other people do. And I don't particularly care whether other people insist on calling my relationships gay or straight...I might not always agree, but I find it more amusing than distressing. The only thing I really care about is mutual respect and intellectual honesty, which is why I bother to be open about my personal experiences in the first place.

Hope this answers your question even a little bit 😭

[peachjagiya]

bisexual lesbians don’t exist and it’s so invalidating saying you’re that. you’re bisexual not a lesbian

Sigh. You know, I am rarely bothered by other peoples stupid comments but this actually did bother me a bit.

Invalidating whom? If you're bisexual and feel invalidated, I'm sad for that but it's not going to change my journey. I'm on the older side but I'll be figuring my sexuality out until I'm on my death bed, I think. If you find someone else's experience invalidating, I would suggest you examine your own prejudice and binary thinking about sexuality.

I'm bi-attracted, lesbi-romantic. I could never see myself with a man but I do find men attractive. It's complicated and bisexual lesbian is a silly label that helps me work through the complications of sexuality.

What you don't know is how long I've been working through it. We're talking twenty years since I came out. I've used lesbian and people side eyed me for finding celebrity men attractive. I've switched to bisexual and had people say "but you've never been with a man, you've been married to a woman for 15 years."

Don't talk to me about invalidation when it has been my life. Until this ask, I was perfectly happy with using bisexual lesbian for myself. That's why it bothered me so much. You just invalidated twenty years of work to understand myself.

But you're the kind of person who dedicates time out of your day to write this sort of thing so I doubt any of this has changed your opinion.

Anon, I really hope you can learn to be happy in yourself and your sexuality without feeling the need to bring others down about theirs.

Have the day you deserve 💜

[violottie]

do you have any tips for connecting with lesbians who... are actually lesbians

it's so grim how people are trying to redefine the sexuality to include men and I'm feeling v disheartened these days

hey anon

it can be difficult and frustrating no doubt, so i completely see your feelings on it.

so many "lesbian" blogs are openly lesbophobic in their push for "bi/mspec lesbians" to be a thing (which it isnt since all of them are bisexuals who have unhealed internalised biphobia), the idea that lesbians have and can and should fuck men "if we want but we really should or else we're exclusionary" (no to all of that what in the conversion therapy), and callinh us terfs if we proclaim our dislike for men (which makes no sense at the least and is their projection of their own transphobia at the worst, which it often is)

but i assure you anon, there are many blogs on tumblr that are for lesbians by actual lesbians. in terms of finding them, it can be difficult. they can be hard to find with how FKN loud all the lesbophobes are, but we are here.

scrolling through lesbian blogs to ensure they aren't supporting lesbophobic, transmisogynistic or racist ideas can be disheartening, but when you find lesbians, it's joyous. i know through my blog you should be able to find a good many.

ive been called everything under the sun just because i take pride in not only my exclusive attraction to women, but my gleeful dislike and hatred for men. but thats part of lesbian joy. our sexuality is beautiful, it is magnificent and magnanimous and liberating and more abundant than all the universe could possibly conjure into existence, and finding joy in that can be strengthened with community

also. block any blogs that spread those harmful lesbophobic, transmisogynistic and racist ideas. Don't even engage with them. They aren't worth your time and/or energy.

i hope this helps some anon ☺️ you can always send more asks if you have questions and I'll do my best to answer them

[lostryu]

it is absolutely wild to me that people will use the argument of “words don’t really have meaning” (a well-known transphobic talking point when someone is being misgendered) to use against lesbians who dislike the bi-lesbian label.

Like wow for someone who likes to accuse us of being TERFs, you guys sure like to use their talking points!

[alluralater]

did you ever have a 'oh i'm a lesbian' moment because let me tell you i've been going back and forth. i'm bi and for the life of me i've just been wondering if i'm just really into penetration.

Maybe another part is being NB. maybe i just want a dick to ride a girl and i don't really like guys at all just the aesthetics. i've always been really into feminization anyway....maybe i'm into fem/masc girls if that's a thing?

maybe i do like girls and i just wanna be ridden if you get me?. so confusing to wrap my little noggin around <3

i’m gonna be honest with you, i sent this to a mutual in hopes of decoding what any of this means and we had zero luck.

first thing- penetration has nothing to do with being a lesbian, that's a personal thing based on the individual and also has nothing to do with men specifically.

second thing- a lot of this stuff can exist and has really nothing in particular to do with being a lesbian. these just sound like your personal preferences for sex. you can like non-men as a bisexual so i don’t really get where you were going? like you don’t like riding dick with guys but you do like it with girls? is that what you’re saying? if yes then yeah you might be a lesbian. do you mean feminization as in like sexually? like kink? i have so many questions and so few answers because basically none of this says lesbian rather than bisexual. btw 'fem/masc' girls (if you mean as a combined label) are not a thing because if someone doesn't fit into either label they don't have to take both, it's okay to not be either one. those labels exist to serve the people who identify with them. as for the rest + everything actually, replies are open if someone else wants to hop in and try to figure out what’s going on here and help this anon <3

[matan4il]

Hi 👋 Hope you had a lovely Passover. 💙

So, your reply to anon concerning Bosko had me thinking. I think Bosko having such a bad reception was down to the story that introduced her. She was brought in to replace Buck, she was teamed up with Eddie (and you know how us buddie shippers are when it comes to women and the boys) and she was kind of helping Eddie spiral, so I get why people didn't like her. Plus she wasn't really given a chance to endear herself to the audience. I think if they brought her back, and actually allowed her to be her own character and paired her up with someone else (maybe Lucy. 😏) People might be more open to her. But I think Ronda has gone back to wrestling. 🤔

Hi darling! Thank you so much for the kind words! Yes, Passover was great. I worked through most of it, because I'm a moron who doesn't know how to say no to a tour when I know it could be a meaningful experience for people, but I did get to see my family and celebrate with them, which was awesome! I also got to discover my 1 year old nephew is absolutely riveted by Passover songs. XD He was already pretty perfect, but that somehow makes him even more precious! I hope you're doing good, love? *hugs*

I agree with you on every point regarding why the fans, especially the shippers, didn't like Lena. I don't even think it's about women, I think shippers are always bound to dislike anyone who could potentially get in the way of their ship. IDK when this became illegitimate? It's actually built into the storytelling of romances that shippers, whether readers or viewers, are meant to want their ship together and oppose any potential LI? If the 312 poker scene had suggested Josh might actually be set up with Buck or might actually replace Eddie as a partner, I suspect we would have seen even more anti-Josh sentiment than we did back then. The way the scene played out, he was clearly not a threat, and he contributed to our subtext bi!Buck moments (which in turn actually makes the possibility of Buddie more likely), so he got less hate than he could have. And yes, I know there are some fans who do ship Josh and Buck. There are also some who sincerely ship Buck with Taylor, and even Eddie with Lena. A tiny fraction of fandom! But they do exist. The overwhelming majority of shippers would never like any potential LI, and that's okay. That's a part of shipping, so long as we don't go overboard, attacking the actors/actresses. And if we make it more acceptable again for shippers to dislike LIs, then there won't be any need to justify this dislike with the vilification of the LIs as characters either.

LOL I wouldn't mind seeing a sapphic romance for Lena and Lucy. XD Or TBH, as a lesbian, I would take ALL the sapphic romances, yes please! If Bosko came back in a capacity that made it clear, like they did with Josh, that she's not a romantic possibility for Eddie, and they made her more than a background character, she could have been a very interesting, maybe even liked character. But yeah, I don't see Ronda coming back.

Thank you for this ask, I hope you have a great day, love! As always, here's my ask tag. xoxox

[genderqueerdykes]

Hihi! I don't mean anything rude by asking this, this is a completely genuine question. 💖

I was wondering what the term "Dyke" meant?

I was called that by a teacher (who also called me a not-so-nice word for an intellectually disabled person) while I was in middle school.

I was just curious as to the meaning of the word, because I've never been in a safe enough environment to ask anyone.

u are not being rude, it is always okay to ask what something means. i am sorry your teacher was that rude to you, that's really messed up.

"dyke" is a slur that has pretty broad usage- it is used against people who are perceived as queer women--that includes lesbians, bi/pan/m-spec women, transmasculine people, butch women, and intersex people, among others. this includes anyone perceived to be a lesbian/women-loving-woman/sapphic individual, as well as transmasculine people and trans men, drag kings, intersex people, and a lot of nonbinary people. it is heavily weaponized against intersex women & afab people with PCOS and hyperandrogenism, and masculine & butch nonbinary people as well.

it's usually thrown at you if you do not adhere to the socially "acceptable" standards of what a woman/girl/female person should look, act, present and so on. the slur is intended to imply you are a lesbian but it's used against a lot of trans men and transmasculine people who do not identify as a lesbian or a woman, because trans men/transmascs do not exist in the eyes of greater society, so 'Dyke" is the closest thing ppl know what to call us. reclaiming the slur dyke is important to a lot of transmascs for this reason

i am sorry your teacher called you that. i got called that by my peers constantly in middle and high school. having a femme best friend didn't help, that's for sure ! i was called bulldyke, dyke, butch, lesbo, among other things. masculine afab people in general are targeted by this slur, as well as anyone perceived as a woman who is masculine or doesn't adhere to social standards or what a woman should be, or you're seen being affectionate with women. sometimes you can get called a dyke just by being very close with a girl

hope that makes sense, take care, hope you're feeling a bit better now. no one should ever have to be called a slur by a teacher, i am so sorry

[waitimcomingtoo]

sorry if this is too personal but how do you feel about being a lesbian but still having a love for fictional/famous men?? im questioning if im truly bi or if i actually only like men from a distance or when they don’t exist?? i know this is a common question for a lot of wlw so i was wondering if you had any advice

This is something that really helped me figure myself out. I always knew I liked girls, I just wasn’t sure if I actually liked boys. All the boys I loved were fictional or celebrities, meaning they were completely unobtainable to me. Even the boys I “liked” in real life were gay or unobtainable in some way bc subconsciously, I knew I couldn’t “like” an obtainable boy bc if he liked me back, I’d never in a million years be able to be romantic with him. It would be the most unnatural thing in the world for me. But my compulsive heterosexuality made me feel like I need to like a boy, so I would pick one to be my crush. As for fictional men/celebrities, I like their character. My love for them is like love for a childhood friend. It’s more of a fondness. It’s not romantic at all. You honestly might not know if you truly like men or not until you’re in a position where you are about to enter a romantic relationship with a man. It’s unfortunate bc obviously you don’t want to lead anyone on but this is a lesson that sometimes must be learned the hard way if that makes sense. For me, I had a boyfriend once and I was physically sick to my stomach bc of how unnatural it felt. That’s when I really knew I wasn’t bi. I hope this helped. Good luck on your journey and remember that you don’t need to label yourself now or ever. Just love who you love as they come along and if a label one day feels like it fits, go for it. If not, who cares. You can be whatever you want to be 🩷🩷

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

is it bad that im completely fine talking about my sexuality but i hate talking about being trans? it just feels like the more i think about it, the more i have to face the struggles. im proud of who i love and im free to share it but theres no pride in being transgender for me, just pain.

Honestly depending on the way you were raised, the environment you grew up in and the one you live in now, being not straight could be easier than being trans, so no, it’s not “bad,” anon, it’s simply just, the way you feel, and that’s okay.

But one thing I’d ask myself if I were you is why do you feel proud of who you love, but not proud of who you ARE?

As a trans person, I understand what you mean when you say there’s pain in being transgender. Yeah. It really does fucking suck sometimes.

But I wouldn’t trade being trans for the world. Being trans is part of who I am. I chose my name and my pronouns and I made myself who I am. To be transgender is to create yourself, to set yourself free and BE WHO YOU ARE. To be transgender is not only to feel gender dysphoria but also gender EUPHORIA, to feel not only the misery of being misgendered but the giddiness and joy that comes from being called the right name, dressing the way you want to, affirming your gender.

Being trans, just like being gay or bi or lesbian, is something to be fuckin proud of. It’s part of who you are, and it’s a beautiful thing, to be trans, anon.

I would suggest trying to interact with other trans people, online or irl, as much as you can, and also learning about trans history. You can go through #people tag or #photography or #trans pride on my blog, and see that trans people have always existed and you have so so much to be proud of.

I hope I could help, and I hope you have a good day/night. Sending love <3333