#better than notion going into ai

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

I will be the one to say it, wherever we like this side conclusion or not, she dug this pit herself and Iskall provided the shovel

I've heard speculations of their relationship being a much closer than it appears online, and her deleting her channel to hide any trace of her involvement or his involvement while still keeping the comment on Iskall's channel is the nail in the coffin

The only thing that she has on her Channel right now is 36 comments that the majority tie back to Iskall in some way.

And additionally, I'd personally say it's come to a point of devotion and compassion for each other rather than what a normal "relationship" should be

And I want you all to keep in mind that if Stress isn't Iskall's "long-term girlfriend", then there is a woman out there who found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with multiple of his employees and also possibly including his female best friend because of the amount of devotion they have to each other

But if Stress is the "long-term girlfriend", then this was a clear act of both devotion or she's been hit with trains worth of clarity and realization but I doubt this is the case because the comment is still up

And there was no single threat in her replies

YouTube's AI detection system will automatically delete replies with a threatening nature of that go against community guidelines before the person sees the reply.

Meaning that at the most cleverly worded insults have slipped through the hundreds of common worth of "You're so goated" and "Miss you too" and "We support you too" (update to make sure this was accurate I just checked it this than two minutes before this post and it is indeed compliments)

90% of her replies a positivity. And a couple months ago I even gave her the benefit of the doubt and said not to speculate on her situation because we didn't know any better. Aka even people who were skeptical like me and many others treats it her with integrity and dignity open till that reply was posted

I cannot speak on whether or not Iskall has gotten the threats he claims, but I always encouraged to not leave death threats, so I would imagine that it's a handful of people who do not have a life

But I could say with Confidence that if she got more than 8 threats, which is still not good but is a less considering the circumstances and general uncontrollable public, I would be mind-blown

So I'm very confident in the notion that she did this out of either realization to which I hope it is, and I hope for her community she seeks professional help because that level of devotion is unhealthy makes a steady bouncy back after some time OR it's another act of devotion

Because if he's in a legal case regarding this issue it is commonly advised to remove any incriminating evidence from social media so that it cannot be used against you; and it would be easy to argue their relationship based purely on her videos. Making the deletion of her channel an act of devotion rather than general clarity hitting her

Which is sad. I've never personally watched Many of Her videos only 30 at the most, but the general consensus of disappointment rather than anger putting her Direction leads me to conclude this is out of character behavior for her. And this would reinforce Iskall's repeated manipulation attempts.

It would mean his manipulation is effective and working.

The only possible way I could ever see people generally being outraged at her is if she was in on it too but that has already been confirmed by many of the victims they were unaware that she was also leaving, and were unaware of her general support.

This or will you find out that she's financially contributing to his legal case, to which I would argue the money would be better spent on therapy

But it just seems that she's digging herself into a pit or into a self destructive montage of being in support of someone who does not deserve it

[strawberryya]

ghost in the machine

s.coups x reader

synopsis: Secrets can only be kept as secrets for so long, everyone knows this. Yet when 5.C0UP5 came in contact with someone he never should have even known existed this notion seemed as foreign as his own name. Perhaps there exists another way of life even for him, or maybe it was all a dream too big to dream of. 

word count: 20k

genre/contains: sci-fi au, AI-idol au, automaton!seungcheol, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, found family, afab and gn!reader, general smut warnings for oral and penetrative sex, nothing kinky except being eaten out while talking on the intercoms and some almost being caught moments, big fight

rating: 18+

a/n: this has taken a long time to finish, but it also turned out to be my longest fic to date and I'm a bit proud that i managed to actually complete what i had in mind :> thank you @idyllic-ghost for proof reading and for the banner !!

collab link to read the other amazing fics from @idyllic-ghosts genius collab!

Network tagging: @svthub @cultofdionysusnet @k-labels @kvanity-main

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“100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn’t. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven’t agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming to our planet. Those of us who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn’t. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At the present time, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind.”

Pride. It was one side of 5.C0UP5 state of mind, and he felt it often. He felt it whenever he looked at his members, he felt it whenever he performed on stage in front of blinding lights and roaring crowds, and he felt it when he looked at you.

Yet, the other side of the coin of his pre-programmed personality was what crushed him every single day. Everything he took pride in having accomplished, was completely tarnished by a single thought about your lips on his skin. The shame was unbearable. 

You had never been meant to get close to him, he was not supposed to be close to anyone. He knew this better than anyone. As the leader of 53V3NT33N he was the one to keep everyone in check. He was meant to set a good example and be the perfect level 1 automaton at all times. For years he kept his promise to everyone, he continued to avoid all things that could ruin his reputation and go against his lifelong contract which he had become bound to the moment he had been created. It hadn’t been easy, but he had taken pride in being the perfect and flawless leader for his members. 

That guilty feeling in his gut came back once again as he left the dorm with his manager. “Lookin’ good,” he heard the voice of one of his members play in his ear. J30NGHΛN stood, next to some of his staff members across the lobby, curiously looking at 5.C0UP5. “Going somewhere fun today?” he said and pushed the communication device on his chest, letting 5.C0UP5 hear his every word. 

“You’re too curious J30NGHΛN,” he said with a smile, “We’re just gonna get some pictures at a café for this week’s posts.” It was one of the few things he did a couple of times a year, even under the strict surveillance of his company and its staff. No matter what, he had to sell the fantasy of himself to millions of people all around the universe. 

“Oh, I see… have fun,” J30NGHΛN said with a tone that made 5.C0UP5 feel his fingers, the chirping sound of his voice making him conscious of his own existence in a way he despised. the damn wink didn’t help. It was as if he knew something. Maybe everyone knew? 5.C0UP5 shook his head and began walking towards the exit along with his manager. He felt his members’ curious gaze following him as he left. Maybe the secrets were beginning to take their toll on his mind. He knew he was supposed to keep his emotions in check, the overpowering of one of his programmed human states of mind would be his demise. They had told him that much. Yet again, he told himself the same words he had spent so many days and nights telling himself. Nobody knows. 

Luckily, the café that had been chosen for today was only a couple blocks away. The cold sweat that ran down his back went unnoticed by the staff accompanying him in the shuttle used by the members whenever they needed to go to filming locations and individual shoots.  

“Let’s order some smaller stuff and get the shoot over with, we don’t have all day,” one of the managers announced, making 5.C0UP5 nod with a forced smile before he went back to looking out the window. His hand fell to his side, feeling the hard outline of his phone in his pocket. 

Entrusted to him by the company, he had been allowed to have a small flip phone. It was ancient. They used to have them in the old world, but even by the start of “The Great Journey” the technology was seen as outdated. By the current standards, however, the phone he had been granted was not worth much more than the shoelace on his sneakers. To him though, it was priceless. 

He was nervous now, his hands felt clammy, and his shoulders were tense as he walked into the café along with the staff members. One of them hurried off to the counter and placed your orders while 5.C0UP5 and two others made their way towards the corner table. The young couple currently sitting at the table were quickly removed by the staff members. It was routine, nothing more than a sentence informing the couple of why they needed to get up was given before they were chased off by the staff members threatening presence. 

He would never get used to that, the way others were treated around him as he stood by, powerless to intervene. Every time he felt ashamed of being the reason the rest of the population had to accommodate whatever his company, his owners, deemed profitable. It didn’t matter if it was evacuating an entire city block to film a music video where the buildings crumbled around the members, or something as insignificant as taking over a table at a popular café. The guilt was always there. 

The young couple hastily gathered their belongings and one of the waiters came over and cleaned up the table, apologies for the mess constantly pouring from their lips. Level 3 automatons could get fired for something like this, but at the same time, 5.C0UP5 couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy as he watched the worker get back to his place behind the counter. Maybe life would be better if he too was a lower-level automaton, he found himself thinking as he sat down and was served the beverage and piece of dessert that the staff had ordered for him. He would be freer in a way…

“5.C0UP5, let’s go.” 

He picked up the drink in his hand, the cold from the iced drink bringing his mind away from his thoughts and back into reality where a staff member had just fixed the collar of his shirt and fixed his hair which had been ruffled by the wind. “Look over there,” the staff said as another one snapped hundreds of pictures as he moved around on his chair. The rehearsed smiles, the sip of the drink, and the way he leaned toward the camera all satisfied the staff it seemed. He was good at his job, and acting like a down-to-earth boyfriend at a café was just another part of his job. 

What wasn’t part of his job, however, was when he felt a buzz in his pocket and without a second thought spilled half his drink across his thighs, the fabric covering his knees now the color of his drink. “Oh!” he shouted, “I’m sorry. I’ll go clean up real fast and we can continue like nothing happened, I’m so sorry, I’ll fix it!” he hurried to say before any of the staff members could even comprehend the situation he had just created. Hastily, 5.C0UP5 rose from the chair and left his staff confused and shocked at the table. “Fuck- someone go watch the door, no one else can be in there at the same time he is.” he heard them say behind his back as he hurried off towards the door to the bathroom. 

There were multiple doors inside the bathroom, each leading to a small bathroom. He didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know where he was supposed to be. He didn’t need to look very far because as he approached the second door to the right it opened for only a moment and a hand pulled him forcefully through the opening. “Finally,” a person said with a smile before they kissed him passionately in the low light of the lightbulb attached to the dark mosaic tiles above the sink. 5.C0UP5 entire body heated up from within as his lips pressed against those familiar soft lips he knew belonged to you. 

He had dreamed of those very lips every night since he first got to kiss them all those months ago. “Hi,” he whispered and let the corners of his mouth turn up in the most genuine smile he had had all day. 

“Hi…” you answered and giggled softly, feeling his warm hands on your cheeks as he held you and kissed you once again, softly and as if to make you feel how much he had missed you as he held your lips locked against his. 

“Are you meeting up with that secret fuck buddy of yours?” Lana joked as you scrambled to grab your phone and keys on your way out for lunch break. 

The office supply store was empty at this hour, and you had thirty minutes until you had to be back again; the perfect amount of time for a quick meetup with Cheol. You had to be back in time to release Lana, your co-worker, and close friend, from her shift and let her take her own lunch break since your boss had deemed it necessary to have the store manned at all hours of the day. 

Or, well, 5.C0UP5 if you were fussy about things like that. That was his real name, his legal name. To you, however, he was Seungcheol. It had been months since you had called the wrong number in your hurry to order a pizza after work, starving and sleep-deprived as you were at the time you hadn’t been looking too closely at the numbers you were putting into the keypad on your phone. Luckily for you, the craving for pizza that night had led you to discover something new that you soon began craving much more and much more often - him. 

His enchanting voice had caught you off guard that first night, and his confused and cautious “Who is this?” had, incredibly enough, been the starting point of you two talking every chance you got since then. Late nights chatting away on, what you have to admit were very sketchy websites, and the occasional call which was made with hushed voices and both of your hearts pounding away, had been most of your relationship. It sometimes felt like an imaginary relationship, since no one could know who he was, and even more importantly -  know who you were to him. 

“He’s not my fuck buddy, he’s…” you retorted. 

“See, do you even know what he thinks you two are? You won’t even show me any pictures of him, is he super ugly or something?” Lana shouted as you hurried towards the back door. 

“Shut up! I’ll see you later!” you yelled and the door slammed shut behind you. The back alley was filled with trash and scrap metal. The teenage boy from the large family who lived atop the store was smoking as he kicked bolts around on the ground. He looked up as you passed, and an uncomfortable feeling in your gut appeared as you felt him watch you while you exited the back alley and went onto the bustling street. Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you fished it up. 

Unknown. 12.31.

“I’ll be there in 10, leaving now.” 

It was from Cheol. You wouldn't be getting any more updates from him until tonight, at least he had confirmed that he would be coming. Quickly you deleted the text from your phone and put the phone back into your pocket as a strange sense of being watched made the skin on your neck prickle. You looked around, moving your shoulders as if to shake the feeling away. 

You hurried away and towards the café, the uncomfortable feeling still haunting you as you entered the café and headed straight to the restroom. 

Would he come this time?

You could never be certain. He always did his best to keep his promises, but if the circumstances wouldn’t allow him to leave the group of managers that always circled him whenever he stepped outside the shiny company doors, keeping you a secret was more important. It didn’t hurt any less whenever he stood you up though. 

Knowing that his reasons for acting as he did were because of his status as a level 1 automaton had shaken you to the core at first, but it had also been a relief. He had told you who he was after a couple of weeks when you had become convinced you had accidentally begun an affair with a married man, he had been forced to confess his real identity. At least you weren’t a home wrecker, was the thought that helped you reconcile with the fact that he would never be free to live a normal life with you. 

Now you were seated on the toilet seat cover, your ear pressed to the door, your hand on the handle ready to pull it open. Time moved slower than usual, but your heartbeat was racing along with your mind. 

Then you heard him, it was undeniably his voice that made its way past the music, chatting, and the coffee machines. He was coming to you. You could barely hear when he opened the first door into the restrooms over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears. Without a second thought, you opened the door enough to register the man you had thought about all too often lately and pulled him by the arm inside the small bathroom you had occupied. His biceps tensed as you pulled him and your body lit on fire because of it. God, he was so wonderfully big. Everything from his biceps to his cock was just so perfectly huge, and you went mad any time you thought about it. You kissed him in a passionate kiss, pressing your entire body against his. You fit so well together, his hands on your face and yours wrapped around his body. 

You wanted more, you wanted all of him, all the time. You wanted to cry because you knew you couldn't have him. With tears pricking your eyes you let Seungcheol pull back to look into your eyes. 

“Hi,” he whispered and smiled. You said hi back softly before the excitement and the giggles overtook your lips. You kissed him again, this time he saw to it that it was a soft and gentle kiss. A small wince left your throat, making Seungcheol quickly turn on the faucet, hoping it would drown out any noises. “Sorry,” you mumbled against his plush lips. 

“Don’t worry, it’s partially my fault,” he said pridefully. 

You were about to laugh, but instead, you pushed up his shirt, exposing his perfectly sculpted upper body to your touch. “Fuck you,” you said under your breath. 

“‘Fuck me please’ is what you meant, yeah?” he cockily corrected you without missing a beat, flipping you both so you stood with your back against the wall he had been facing away from. You gasped as he lifted you off the ground with the wall helping to pin you between his stiff cock and the cold and hard wall. 

He was right, even though you hadn’t allowed yourself to get your hopes up, you had been feeling unusually needy lately. The thoughts of him filling you up in any way constantly on your mind, you were already turned on as you entered the café with the small promise of him setting foot in there to meet you later. 

“Please, fuck me,” you gasped out, feeling your arousal soak your underwear at the thought of his girthy cock inside of you. “I need you to be quiet,” he mumbled against your lips. 

At this, you nodded fervently. Finally, you would feel him stretching you open again, bruising your insides with the force of his strokes like you had dreamt of after every single time you had managed to get together like this before. The moments were rare, but you made the most of the short time you had, to say the least. 

His tongue quickly found yours as he ground you on his erection, eliciting a low moan and making you open your mouth for him to enter. Warm hands wandered your body, his gentle touch making you swoon as he held you with so much love, while the promise of him fucking you like the slut you were hung in the air. 

A knock on the door, and both of you froze up, his bulge pressing right on your clit making it unbearable not to move. You winced only slightly as Seungcheol’s lips left yours, deciding to put your now lonely lips to use, kissing down his jaw and neck with soft little pecks and nibbles. “What?” Seungcheol asked over the sound of the water running, his tone a bit more agitated than he had intended. Not that he was at fault, he had a soaking cunt begging to be fucked right above his cock, and lips that made him go insane on his neck; someone disturbing him right now was not what he needed. 

“How much longer do you need? We don’t have all day to wait around for a pair of pants to dry up.” the staff member on the other side of the door said, earning a sigh from Seungcheol. 

After a moment of silence, he groaned and shouted towards the locked door. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right, I’ll be right out.” 

No, you thought, your limbs holding onto the man who you had just only gotten a taste of even harder than before. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“I need you to be patient for me until next time, can you be good for me and wait?” he mumbled against your hair, your lips still attached to the skin right below Seungcheol’s collar. “Yes,” you said against his neck, letting go of his skin in favor of burying your face in the warmth of his chest. He put you down on the floor, his arms releasing the back of your thighs and instead wrapping around your body. For just a moment he held you close until the buzzing of the dryer died out and he loosened his hold on you. 

You pressed your body against the wall as Seungcheol unlocked the door and disappeared through it just as quickly as he had been pulled in through it. 

“Sorry, it didn’t come off.” you heard him say through the doors. 

“We can’t get the shots if you’re all messed up like this, let’s tell the crew that we’re going back instead. Come on 5.C0UP5.” The staff member who had been just a few steps away from you two while they waited outside the restroom door responded as the voices got fainter and blended into the sounds of the café. 

You sat in silence with your hand on the door handle as his voice disappeared completely. In the beginning, you had enjoyed the thrill and noncommitment of him not being able to be there to be an actual boyfriend because of his work and position in life, you recalled as you felt all the emotions in your body dissolve into nothing. 

A small pain in your chest was the only thing left. The late-night thoughts you whispered in the dark, and the messages you had sent each other that contained your deepest yearnings and your worst fears. They had gotten to you, and it didn’t help that whenever you got a taste of having him physically there with you, you rarely- never- wanted to let go. But you always had to. 

“Enough wallowing, this isn’t changing anything,” you mumbled as you wiped your face from the wetness that had seeped from your eyes without you noticing. You needed to hurry back to relieve Lana from her shift you realized as you checked your watch, seeing that you were already supposed to be back at the store. 

You didn’t waste much more time after that, hastily making your way out of the bathroom, checking behind you as you left the café to make sure nobody had paid any attention to you. Like a punch in the gut, the feeling of being watched returned as your eyes landed on a dark-clad figure staring at you through the shop window. He had no reason to follow you with his gaze as you hurried across the street, away from the café, away from the gut-wrenching feeling that something was awry. 

He wasn’t looking at you, right? You were just getting too paranoid, that’s all, right? 

5.C0UP5 had been daydreaming the entire way back to the company, his mind taking him back to the moments he could hold you in his arms. His body couldn’t ache for you, but his mind almost had him believing that he did. Some days, he almost believed himself to have a heart. A heart that broke each time he had to leave you behind. 

It wasn’t until he got back to the dorms where he got a glimpse of his members, and friends since he had been put into this world, that he finally felt himself come down back to reality. They were everywhere, some he saw in the lobby along with their hoards of staff members just like his own. Some were in the dorms, sleeping, or at least in a state of being that looked like sleeping as they charged. 

Others were nowhere to be found, not that he went looking. They could mind themselves, he knew they would never do anything to make him less proud of them. To 5.C0UP5, he was the bigger worry. 

He was just about to let himself rest and recharge, to try and forget the pain in the back of his mind, haunting him even as he saw his members wandering the dormitories and the company hallways. You were always in the back of his mind, no matter what he did to try and forget. Somehow, he had accidentally let you in, and now you were half his world. The hidden side of the moon, the side which should always remain in darkness, no matter how closely you look. 

A staff member who had left him just minutes ago as they entered the guarded company building came back, not even bothering to knock before they entered the room in which 5.C0UP5 sat on his bed. “5.C0UP5, you need to follow me, the CEO has something to talk to you about.” 

It had happened before, he met with the CEO every once in a while. After all, he was the spokesperson for the group, even if they didn’t have many (any) rights, they still needed to have someone to be their voice. This time, however, the meeting wasn’t scheduled. The CEO wanted to have an impromptu meeting with him… his hand unconsciously fell against his left side pocket, worry filling his mind even though he tried to make sense of why he had been called in to talk to the management. 

Even as he entered the large office of the CEO he had been in more times than he could count, something felt off. People he had never met sat in chairs all around the walls. Guards stood at the door, looking more tense than he had ever seen them before, and the CEO himself had the strangest expression he had ever worn. 5.C0UP5 waited until he was spoken to, as he had been instructed so many times before. Honoring the one who made sure he had the comfortable life he currently had was something he had been taught from the very first day he had opened his eyes. 

“Hello 5.C0UP5.” the suit-clad man in the dark chair said. He spoke calmly, but not kindly. 5.C0UP5 picked up on his tone immediately. 

“Hello, Sir,” he answered and bowed his head ever so slightly, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him. The room was dark, but the photos splayed out on the desk in front of the CEO finally caught 5.C0UP5’s eye. He could recognize them even at this distance and brightness. His head worked ceaselessly to find the moment it had begun, the moment they had found out. Because in front of the CEO, he could spot hundreds of pictures of the one person he wished they would never even see: you. 

All that went through 5.C0UP5’s mind when he realized what had finally happened was fuck.

“I understand that you have been seeing this human for a while… did you think we wouldn’t find out?” the CEO said, almost laughing at him as he sat in his chair looking over the pictures, each one containing your face, at work, at the café from earlier that day, at home. They had you right under their nail, ready to remove you from the planet at any second. He wanted to scream. 

The CEO cleared his throat before he threw the photo he held in his hand on the glass desk in front of him. “Now, unless you want us to eliminate this problem of yours, you will be rebooted first thing tomorrow.” 

5.C0UP5 knew he wasn’t supposed to protest, he wasn’t even supposed to think anything other than “Yes, Sir,” but before he could stop himself he spoke his mind. 

“Please, no… Why would you do that? It doesn’t make any sense. If I’m found breaking the rules, I’m to be demoted, not- not this!”

“Seventeen is currently the galaxy’s top band 5.C0UP5, and you are their leader, you have an image to uphold. And since you failed at doing this, we want to reboot your system, that way you will be able to stay and your group members' reputations won’t be tarnished, and most importantly. This little issue will be resolved because you won’t even remember this little human.”

The CEO wasn’t smiling as he had thought before, the CEO had never once smiled. His eyes were dead, nothing more than a ghost of a human left inside of him. At least 5.C0UP5 felt something, at least he could smile, at least he could love…

He could love. He had felt it. So why was he about to get punished for something his management swore he couldn’t feel? Hoped he couldn’t, might be more accurate, 5.C0UP5 realized. 

“How did you know?” he asked, the glare he received was enough that the management had begun running out of patience for him already. 

“Does it matter? We know everything about you.” the CEO answered curtly. 

Just like that the pieces fell into place, they had known all along. He felt the piece of metal that clung to his chest like a stone, stuck in his body and destroying him from within. They had known all along… The upcoming release of their new comeback was what they were worried about, he soon realized. They had hoped he would stop of his own free will, after all, he had the personality trait of shame. He should’ve already ended whatever he had with you. 

However, he hadn’t. And now it would become an issue if they didn’t handle it quickly and quietly. 

Despite that, the thought that overpowered all others at that moment wasn’t about how small he felt as he realized the true power the company had over him, or how much he loathed the people who thought they had a right to control him. He could love. That was the loudest, and he wanted to scream it, make everyone hear him just this once. It made him proud, he could do something this human was incapable of, and now they wanted to take that away from him. No. There was no way he was going to let them do that to him as well. He clenched his fist at his side, should he fight? 

“You can return to your rooms, they will come to get you soon,” the CEO declared and pushed the photos on his desk off the table, straight into the trash can underneath. 5.C0UP5 fists relaxed a bit, a new plan forming as he turned to leave the room with the stern guards following along. “Oh,” he heard the CEO say, “and leave the phone, you are no longer trusted to keep it with you even in case of emergencies. I hope you understand… you won’t need to understand in a bit.” 

His jaw was frozen in place as he took the phone from his pocket and threw it towards the CEO. The guards jumped forward to grab his arms as the phone crashed into the table and tipped over a cup of metal pens that scattered all across the floor. “Leave us,” said the CEO without even flinching. 

5.C0UP5 didn’t feel any shame as he was dragged out from the dark office, suit-clad strangers watching him with cold eyes as the doors slammed shut behind him. He was dragged until they were in the hallway where the crossroad between freedom and forever forgetting you were. “I can walk by myself,” he said with a growl he had never heard in his voice before. The guards let him stand alone, watchful eyes on him as they began walking again, one in front of him and one behind him now. It’s now or never, he thought, taking the shot as he saw it arise in front of him. 

His mind barely registered the hands that tried to grab onto him, all his focus lay on the doors in the lobby and on getting there. He ran with all his might until he crashed into the doors that were too slow to open. The crack widened and he pushed himself out of the glass doors that opened just in time for him to keep staying ahead of the guards. Bright lights in all the colors of the rainbow lit up before him as he began running down the crowded streets. His eyes watered because of the wind, and the lights blurred into a kaleidoscope of light. 

His body was designed to be agile and strong, he was designed to keep moving. Right now that felt like the biggest blessing he had ever received in his cursed life. 

From the back of his mind, two things arose. The first was your apartment, he had only heard about it, you had described exactly how to get there in one of the late-night calls you had whispered to each other weeks ago. The second was those twelve faces which were all he had known for so long; his members would be left to deal with it all when he was gone. He knew them so well, and yet, none of them had even had a chance to become someone to get to know. He wanted to give them a chance. As he ran he shouted out the word “Run!”, pressed that button he had used so many times before in the middle of the device connected to his chest, and began tearing the peace of metal from his body. It took him a few tries before he managed to rip the entire thing off of his skin. It hurt more than he had imagined, the pain was brain-numbing and overwhelming. He almost had to stop, the pain making it hard to focus on making his legs move forward. 

Nevertheless, he was free, the tracker was gone from his body, and with it was his only connection to the only family he had ever known. 

He ran, and he didn’t stop running until he arrived at your apartment. They would know he was here, they knew everything. He needed to be quick. He ran up the stairs to your apartment, knocking aggressively on your door, shouting as loudly as he dared for you to open the door. It wasn’t long until the door swung open and he was close to tears as he saw your very shocked face looking back at his panicked state. The thing you had imagined, but since you had found out his true identity, always known would never happen, had happened. 5.C0UP5 was tired, but he needed to get away, and he wanted you to come with him. 

“We need to leave, they’re coming for me. Please come with me,” he pleaded, his eyes begging you as his hands held your arms desperately. 

“What did you do?” you said breathlessly. 

“They were going to make me forget, make you… erase the issue… I couldn’t let them take this away from me too.”

You were speechless. “You ran.” He nodded. You didn’t even bother to say a word as you ran into your apartment, leaving 5.C0UP5 at the door. He had no idea if you were trying to find somewhere to hide or looking for something as he heard crashes and your voice shouting curses from further inside your small place. He needed to get out of there, but maybe… holding out hope was worthwhile it turned out. Minutes later, which felt like hours for 5.C0UP5, you reappeared at the door, backpack in hand and sweat gracing your hairline. You were running with him. 

It wasn’t a hard decision, you weren’t close to your parents, and Lana would understand eventually… at least you hoped your coworker, and only close friend at this moment of your life, would understand if you ever survived to tell her and apologize for leaving without a word. 

A small pain stabbed at your heart, leaving everything for an automaton on the run. Everything you had ever known for this man… It felt insane at the moment, and it felt even more insane as you felt Cheol squeeze your hand which you had been holding since you took it, and began running towards the docks. You sat in the cold of the night on a hard bench next to Cheol. In a bit, a ship would arrive. Crowded places felt like a good idea at first, but now, the paranoia set in. Was that old man over there looking a bit too long at Cheol? Didn’t those surveillance cameras follow them as they walked onto the docks? 

The hand in yours pressed gently against your skin, helping you stay at least a bit sane as the weight of what you were doing was already beginning to tug at your strength. You thought it best to focus on the plan instead. 

“Let’s get on this ship, hop off at the airport, and get on another ship there. That way we can get off this planet because the sooner the better right?”

“Yeah, but don’t you think they will be looking for me at all the docks and airports?” Cheol said quietly. 

He was right of course, they would be looking for the escaped automaton at all the exits of this world they could think of. 

“Maybe if we…” You tried, but you didn’t know how you would get away if his company's staff members were to hunt them down anywhere on the planet. “Damn. Do you know that it’s incredibly difficult to go on a trip with you?” you deadpanned. The moment was horrible, but also perfect. It made Cheol smile, something you hadn’t seen the entire way from the moment you opened the door until now. 

It helped keep your mind off of the horrible situation and the impending doom. 

“It is,” he chuckled, “I never thought it would become an issue though.”

“But here we are,” you said and sighed. Cheol leaned against you, his large arm pushing against your side, making a smile split across your face. 

“I don’t think we should get on one of the commercial airlines… we need something more private,” Cheol mumbled.

“How would we get a hold of a ship of our own? We don’t have the money for that…” 

“We’ll figure it out…” 

“We have a lot to figure out from now on, Cheol,” you said and let your head fall against his shoulder, resting your heavy mind on his strong frame. He hummed, the sound comforting you even while you thought about all the ways you could get killed while on the run. 

The submarine came soon enough, and you both got on without a hitch. If you were being followed, they weren’t coming out of the shadows just yet. The cold light from inside the ship lit up the dark water around the underwater tracks that held the boat in place as it brought commuters across the sea each day and night. Under the high waves had turned out to be much easier than above them, especially nowadays. The storms had become worse in the last couple of centuries. Every other day there was another tropical storm on the seas. A side-effect of the universes coming closer together was what the scientists had concluded when it first began happening hundreds of years ago after the end of The Great Journey. 

You looked out the blurry window into the empty waters. Cheol and you were sitting by the back of the ship, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. You had managed to throw a cap into your backpack, which now helped hide Cheol’s face from any surveillance cameras while you used the hood of your sweatshirt to somewhat hide your face. Being a petty thief seemed like the least of your current issues. 

Neither of you spoke the entire ride, only communicating and comforting each other through a hand in the other or on their thigh. If you weren’t panicking you would probably be craving his touch in other places. That would have to wait though. A safe place was probably the priority, you decided in the back of your mind. You noticed his other hand, the one which wasn’t holding onto you like his life depended on it, continued reaching towards his neck. He seemed to be in pain. Did he get hurt? You hadn't had the time to even think about asking him how he was feeling or if he had gotten hurt by the guards or even the staff. You made a mental note to ask him later, placing your head against the rest behind you instead of his shoulder. You didn’t want to cause any more pain by resting against him. 

It was getting rather late as you left the submarine station you had gotten off at. Your heart wasn’t calming down anytime soon, you weren’t equipped to handle this kind of stress. Day-to-day, normal life stress was enough, this was something else entirely. 

“I want to live out the rest of my life in a very peaceful manner, far away from all of this crap,” you whispered as you walked the short walk from the submarine station to the spaceport welcoming hall. You wanted to be on a warm couch, not thinking about how to run away without being arrested. Right now, the idea of a living room seemed too far out of reach. All around you were tiny shops, suitcases, and the cold and unnatural light that lit up the entire spaceport’s welcoming hall. Ships that were boarding sounded out through the air, the comfy couch was as far from reality as you could get. 

Cheol scoffed, “I agree, wholeheartedly. I am never running away again after this, it’s too much work.” 

You tried to hold your laugh in, “Yeah, too much sneaking around for my taste. Let’s just run away this once, and then stay put and become that old couple on the hill that no one dares to visit.” Cheol nodded. “I would do anything for that…” Suddenly you noticed a small melancholy feeling in his words. You were just about to ask what was on his mind when he stopped your walk into the large welcoming hall, ushering you both into a small tourist shop. All you saw were miniature Earths, mugs with stupid prints, and keychains with different tourist attractions. You did not like it. For a second you were worried that he wanted to do some last-minute shopping, but your worries changed as you saw his terrified face. He had seen someone he knew. 

“I’ve seen that woman over there by the kiosk before, she usually helps backstage at our concerts. Fuck, that means they really managed to send people out to the exits,” he grumbled. This was bad. You felt your blood rushing in your veins, panic filling your mind. Had you been alone, you would’ve been frozen right about now. 

“Let’s just go,” he whispered hurriedly, panic visible on his face. “The faster we’re out of here the better, right? Are you with me?” 

“Always. Let’s go,” you whispered, the reassurance being all Cheol needed to grab your hand in his even firmer than before and head right out of the welcoming hall and out the nearest exit leading to the departing spaceships. You were unbelievably lucky as you ended up in the middle of a large swarm of travelers who were just about to board the large ship. Most were workers it turned out, the ship being part commuting area and half cargo space. The both of you managed to sneak onto the ship along with the workers, keeping your heads down as you hoped to anything that would listen that you would be able to sneak onboard undetected. 

It was unplanned, you barely even knew where the ship was headed. It wasn’t until you heard the voice that called out that the ship heading to Specus would depart that you both realized where you were heading. Specus was the mining planet, all the minerals needed for this universe to continue expanding its empire, and for life to continue as it has been until now, were found on this planet. All the people on this ship were workers there, probably coming back from their biannual leave which was granted to all humans and other living beings working there. Automatons was not included in the group of people who got any leave. The laws were clear about that, automatons were not human and didn’t need any form of vacation. 

The laws were bullshit. 

“Specus… I mean it could be worse, right?” you whispered. Cheol nodded, caught up in his thoughts. “Should we look for somewhere else to hide until we’re there?” you asked, trying to catch his attention again. Once again he only nodded, his senses all focused on his surroundings, making sure you two weren’t being followed or watched as he pulled you away from the area with rows of seating for the workers traveling with the ship. You went past the cots, knowing there was no way you could manage to stay hidden the entire way if you tried to stay in there. Instead, you made your way to the lower parts of the deck, the part of the ship where travelers didn’t wander. Here, you would only find crew members, cleaners, servers, and mechanics. The hallways were darker here, the LED lights being used more sparsely on the lower decks. You had a hard time seeing in the low light, but Cheol had your hand in his, a relaxed feeling managing to find its way into your body despite the circumstances.  

You had only managed to get a little way past the third deck when you met another person for the first time since you had left the seating area. “Are you two lost?” the man asked, making you jump and making Cheol whirl around to where the sound was coming from. You hadn’t noticed him in the dark until he spoke. 

“No, we’re just… looking for the bathroom,” you stuttered out. 

It was the dumbest excuse in the book. You knew you didn’t have the man fooled when he began laughing. It was a wonderful laugh, high-pitched and genuine. The figure stepped out of the dark, revealing a handsome man, dressed in a simple gray overall. Over his breast pocket, it said maintenance. You felt yourself growing a bit anxious as to what the laughing man would do next. Would he turn you in? 

“No, but seriously, why are you all the way down here? You two certainly don’t look like the new hires we were supposed to get this week,” the man, who you realized was holding a mop which he was now leaning on, said with a curious tone as he scanned the both of you from head to toe. “You look like a fucking idol, you know. If I didn’t know better I would think you were on the run,” he said with a smirk. 

“I’m Cheol, this is Y/N,” Cheol said finally as he nodded his head in your direction. Even in this light, you could tell he was staring at the stranger with that intense gaze that could make anyone either break down or swoon. 

The maintenance man sighed, “Alright, I’m Wooyoung. Come with me,” he said without explanation.  You didn’t follow him right away. He looked back at you, the “Coming?” visible on his face. 

“Do we trust him?” you whispered to Cheol, who was still watching the man waiting for you. 

“I don’t know about trust, but honestly what choice do we have? It’s not like we can go anywhere now, and it’s a long journey to Specus…” 

You nodded, nervousness made your hand clammy in Cheol’s firm grip. 

This was a risk you needed to take. If he was going to turn you in, it was probably better to just get it over with. At least you wouldn’t have to starve or something if you were locked up until you got to Specus. 

He led you to the lower decks, and surprisingly began introducing you both as the new temps that would help around on your way to Specus. The other crew members nodded, a few glancing rather suspiciously at you both but accepting the half-truth that Wooyoung told them. They hadn’t heard anything about any new temps, but it was none of their business it seemed. Who, and why you were there to help around didn’t matter to them.

Wooyoung led you around the lower decks, being strangely chatty with you two. You hadn’t expected someone so friendly to simply appear in your lives just as you needed it. Was he somehow your savior or was he something entirely else? You hoped he was good news because the alternative was so much worse. 

“Okay, this guy is great, you’re gonna love him. He’s not… too talkative, but he’s very good!” Wooyoung said as he took you down a flight of very narrow stairs. 

“Good at what?” You asked, minding your step so you wouldn’t fall as you descended. Wooyoung didn’t answer, instead flinging a thick metal door open and skipping inside. 

“Sannie!” Wooyoung suddenly shouted as you and Cheol entered a room after him. The room was filled from floor to ceiling with electronics. Screws, bolts, and different tools were everywhere. It looked like a mix of a car workshop and a dentist. The second part was mainly because of the chair in the middle of the room. The only time you had seen one of those was when you had gone to the dentist. By a table, a man sat on a high stool, engrossed in whatever he was doing. A bright lamp shone down on, what looked to you like, a bunch of chords in different colors. 

“What Woo? Did you get hurt again? Or are you just here because you’re bored…” San said as he was turned away from the door where you and Cheol stood, unsure of what to say and do just as you had been for the past couple of minutes. Would this man scrutinize you and Cheol as well, like the other staff members Wooyoung had introduced you to?  It seemed you had managed to bump into the most friendly maintenance member on the entire crew, and you thanked the universe for that because it seemed as if he was the solution to a lot of your current issues. He seemed to know everyone on this ship, and you hoped the friendship between him and the others would somehow be your and Cheol’s way of being allowed into the crew. 

“No… or well, yes, I am always a bit bored when you’re not around,” Wooyoung chirped, “But I’m here to see what you can do for these two.” 

Wooyoung gestured towards the door, finally bringing the new strangers’ attention to where you and Cheol stood. “Well, I’ll be damned. You brought a level 1 down here along with a human?” San said and looked between you both and Wooyoung who smiled brightly at his friend. “Yup!” 

San nodded, “Well, I can guess what happened with you two since you’re here after all… Can you work?” he asked after a moment. You nodded. “Yes,” you heard Cheol say. 

“Great. I’m San, I’m the mechanic around here. Since I’m human, and apparently that means something even in space, these fuckers also put me in charge when we leave the dock. I’ll get you what you need, food for you,” he said and looked at you, he then turned to Cheol, “A charger for you, and enough work to make sure you sleep soundly when you get off your shifts,” San declared. 

“Yay!” Wooyoung shouted gleefully, his cheerful claps making you crack a smile - despite the situation you found yourselves in. 

Cheol wasn’t smiling, but he seemed more relaxed. “How did you know I was a level 1?” was all he asked. You hadn’t reflected on it, but it was strange that he had been able to realize the difference between Cheol and you so quickly. 

San smirked, “It’s my job to know. If I couldn’t tell the difference between you and one of the workers here, I’d really be in trouble as a mechanic.” He was about to return to the mess of chords on his desk, but he looked back at Cheol, pointing towards his neck. “Also, come back here tomorrow and I’ll get that fixed for you.” Cheol’s hand reached for his neck again, the pain from touching the place his tracker had been made him flinch in agony. His shirt had fallen a bit lower while you had wandered after Wooyoung, he had opened his jacket, and now you finally spotted the area he had been protecting this entire time. The piece of metal you had avoided in your secret rendezvous was gone. He had ripped it out, you shuddered at the thought of the strength it must’ve taken to rip something like that from your own skin. You squeezed his hand to comfort and distract him, you didn’t know what else to do. 

Wooyoung came towards you, happily walking away from San who was already immersed in his work, and made it clear that you were to follow him. 

“Thank you,” you said before you left, San looking over his shoulder to give you a small smile and a ‘no worries’ expression in return. But worry was exactly what you had begun feeling, more than anything else. 

You and Cheol got a gray overall each, both saying maintenance over the breast pocket and the back, just like the one Wooyoung was wearing. “Stay in here for tonight, and when I wake you I’ll let you know what you will be doing for the next couple of weeks,” Wooyoung explained, giving you a small room in a long hallway to stay in. Everything was in the same cool metallic shade, and you realized that all you had to sleep on tonight would be a lonely pillow and a blanket that looked like it had seen better days. 

“It’s not ideal…” you stated, looking around in the small space you had been assigned as your room. “But we can make it work, right?” 

“It could be a lot better,” Cheol nodded and looked at you. You had had an affair with a famous level 1 automaton, been found out by some really powerful people, threatened to be disposed of, illegally left Earth, and had just been offered safe passage to another planet by some unexpectedly friendly people. But the room was a bit small and dark. Cheol looked at you, a smile creeping onto his face. You began laughing at the absurdity, “We should probably be more grateful,” he gasped out between laughs. “But it’s so ugly!” You shouted, your laughs getting more and more manic. 

“This is probably the stupidest thing we have ever done,” you gasped out. 

Your eyes welled, which tears that were a result of your laughing, and which were your exhaustion finally setting in was impossible to tell. All your emotions just came out all at once. You were gasping for air, tears running down your cheeks, and all the weight of your decisions crashing right into you. 

“It was, but I can’t make myself regret anything,” Cheol said, emotion welling underneath his words. But he didn’t cry. Instead, he just held you. He let you cry your eyes out, staining his dark hoodie with your tears as you sobbed. 

“Did we make the right decision?” you whispered against his chest, strong arms holding you safe as you questioned what you had done. 

“I hope so,” you heard Cheol say, the sound of his voice echoing in his body. You fell asleep in his arms for the first time that day. Having him to yourself in this way was a privilege, you realized. It was a privilege you had lived without for your entire life. You didn’t even know that you had been missing out on it until you woke up the next day, your head in his lap and his hands holding the blanket to your waist. You looked up at his handsome face, wondering if he had been able to rest where he sat against the hard wall.

It didn’t take long until you had both caught on to what you needed to do around the ship. It turned out that Wooyoung was a great instructor. During your shifts you both ran around, cleaning, and helping the regular crew members when needed. Wooyoung quickly made sure you felt at least a bit more comfortable on the ship by giving you tours around the decks and introducing you to even more of the crew members. 

The best part, however, was when you, after an exhausting day working around the large ship, got to lay down in Cheol’s lap while he charged and slept for a few hours, just feeling the heat that his body generated as you let yourself be swept away from reality. The weeks passed, and you learned the routines of the ship rather quickly. 

You barely had any time to think, let alone feel, how physically and emotionally exhausted you were. Leaving everything on Earth and trying to survive day by day on this ship in the middle of the vast universe was more work than you had hoped when you impulsively decided to leave. Some days you managed to take a moment to yourself, stopping in the middle of your step, and just staring out the small windows on the sides of the ship. The space outside was both so full of life and so empty of anything at all that you found yourself floating away in your thoughts into nothingness for just a moment. 

After a few weeks of almost nothing but work and sleep, the crew began preparing for the landing. Soon you would be on Specus, with absolutely nothing planned for what was to come. This soon changed, however, as you sat down with San to eat dinner. Cheol sat next to you, not wanting to spend unnecessary time apart from you just because he didn’t need to consume any food. 

“But, like, did you like the dancing and all that?” Wooyoung asked, the conversation had ended up being about your professions. 

“I think I did, yeah,” Cheol answered honestly. 

“I always thought I’d be a pretty good idol. If I wasn’t designated my level, I would've given it a shot for sure!” Wooyoung said, “Or well, maybe not under your company… they don’t seem that great from what I’ve heard, with the whole rebooting thing and all… that…” he trailed off. You were all staring at him. The silence was deafening, none of you truly knew what Cheol had been through. He had told you bits and pieces, but not nearly enough to know how he’d react to this. 

San and Wooyoung had become your friends since you had been sharing your meals every day. Most of the time the conversations flowed naturally, and the topics ranged from everything from San’s latest way to fix up bolts that had begun unscrewing themselves to childhood memories. Wooyoung and Cheol had a hard time joining in on those conversations, but they shared their fair share of memories from when they first gained consciousness. 

It was strange to think about it in that way, your boyfriend never had a childhood. Well, you still didn’t have a name for what you two were, and calling him your boyfriend in your mind might be jumping to conclusions, you were simply on the run with each other and had a romantic and sexual relationship with one another, but boyfriend might be going too far- Nevertheless, he had been created just as he was right now. Out of all the parts about AI that you had grown up to accept, the no-childhood part was the one you never quite could get past. He had missed something that was so fundamental to you and all other people who had been born instead of created in a factory. It made you really think about the fact that someone had created him intentionally - not just anyone, but him. 

The silence was still pressing around you as you all waited to see how Cheol would react to Wooyoung’s lighthearted comment about the idol life. Your thoughts were wandering away from you, maybe in a way of escaping reality until Cheol saved the conversation. 

“I think you would've been a great performer. You have the right energy about you,” Cheol said with a straight face making Wooyoung crack a smile. 

You were happy that he seemed okay talking about his experiences. And you were equally happy that the mood hadn’t been completely ruined because of Wooyoung’s thoughtless comment. 

After some time, the conversations died out and San picked up a new one, asking something neither you nor Cheol had any good answers to: “What will you do next?” 

You looked at Cheol. He looked just as clueless as you felt. Neither of you had a plan. “They don’t have any clue,” Wooyoung pitched in with his laugh, that you would remember for the rest of your life. You looked down, nodding slightly. It was true. 

“Where do you want to go? You don’t have any idea of where you would like to be in the future?” San asked, surprised that you didn’t have at least the semblance of a plan. 

“I don’t know much about the universe… but I want to go somewhere safe. I want to spend my life where I won’t be found and won’t be constantly watched,” Cheol answered before looking at you, “…somewhere we can be alone.”

Your heart fluttered. You had forgotten that your life wasn’t just the endless days of work on the ship. It was beyond you how you could’ve forgotten it all so fast,  but the intense look filled with love and pain that Cheol gave you made all the feelings stir up once again. You wanted that too, you wanted a place where you two could just be together. 

You nodded, concurring with what Cheol had just said, “Is there somewhere like that? Where we can stay forever?” 

Wooyoung stayed quiet but San looked at the both of you, something in his eyes telling you both that he did have an answer to what you were asking him. “Lumen. That’s where you want to go.” 

“Lumen?” you asked, never having heard of the planet before. 

San hummed, “It’s right beside galaxy 428B. They say it’s the ‘utopia of the universe’, but very few have ever managed to get there and even fewer have managed to get there and back to tell the story of it.”

“Why is that?” you continued asking, your curiosity piqued. 

Lumen had been a planet much like Earth before the entire shift in the universe had happened. It was a sunny place, filled with forests and unexplored nature. There lived some type of people, San wasn’t sure what they were called. It was far away, and the solar systems that were close together had not deemed it worth the cost of travel to create a way to commute there. If you could get there, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything but creating a way of life, San told you. He had heard about the place from travelers he met in his childhood, people who had been on a journey of their own in search of a safe haven - much like you and Cheol. 

“All I know is that you need to travel as far north from our solarsystem as possible,” he said and went quiet. “I’ve never seen those people after they left in search of Lumen, I don’t know if they ever made it.”

Cheol was deep in thought next to you. Neither of you responded to what San had told you except for a short: “Thanks, I think we should head to bed.” But even as you rested your head against his shoulder that night waiting for the exhaustion to overtake you, not a word came from the man you had spent weeks chatting within just this position. 

If you were going to find out what he thought about your destination, you would need to take the initiative you thought that night.

 “I wanna go, do you?” Your words lingered in the dark room. Silence. Soon you almost began falling asleep, your brain coming to accept that you were probably not going to get an answer out of him tonight. Your body jerked as you heard his deep voice say: “I want to come with you.” Grabbing his hand you nodded sleepily against his shoulder. 

“I love you…” you mumbled before you dozed off, leaving Cheol alone and awake in the dark with your words ringing in his ears. 

The next day Cheol still couldn’t get those three words out of his mind. Only for a moment did he think about trying to make up a plan for what you needed to do now that you had decided where you wanted to go. ‘I love you’… the thought of your sleepy voice whispering to him had him cleaning the same spot for at least twenty minutes.

You had said it first, but he didn’t even know if you meant it in the way he felt it. Did you just say it without thinking while half asleep? Were you thinking of someone else? What if you were mad that he hadn’t said it? 

He was freaking out, rubbing harder with the mop on the laminated floors. He was sure that he had messed it all up. Maybe you didn’t want to go anymore. What if you had just followed him thinking it would be a quick trip and ended up with more than you had bargained for? God, why hadn’t he said it back last night? He felt it, so why did he freeze when he heard those three damn words? 

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Hey,” Wooyoung stood beside him, looking at the only wet spot on the ground around them. “How’s it going with the floor?” 

Cheol looked down, only now realizing how caught up in his head he had been. “Shit, I’m sorry man.”

“No worries. Something wrong?” Wooyoung said, his hand still on Cheol’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. 

He shook his head, “Just a lot on my mind…”

Wooyoung hummed, nodding understandingly. “Go talk to each other about whatever it is, don’t just stand here doing… I don’t even know what the hell you’re doing, to be honest.” 

Cheol looked at him. He was weirdly intuitive, Cheol thought as he looked at the crooked smile Wooyoung was flashing him. He nodded, “It’s ok for me to go?” 

“Dude, just go! I told you to do so, I decide who cleans the floors and you are definitely not helping me do it, so you’re off floor duty.”

Cheol let go of the mop, his legs quickly moving away from the upper decks and down to the lower ones, towards you. He quickly found you in the kitchen, removing plates from the large dishwasher as the servers stacked the hot plates in tall piles - it looked rather dangerous as he glanced at the piles that towered over him. “Cheol?” You blurted out, surprised to see him here when he wasn’t on duty in the kitchen that day. 

“Hi, I… I wanted to see you, and Wooyong he- he said I could go and I needed to…” he paused, he didn’t actually know what he wanted or what he needed. Or well, he did know, he just didn’t know how to make it happen. 

“Come on, let’s go talk then,” you simply responded, making Cheol look at you in awe. He wondered how it had been so easy for you to say what he had wanted to say all along. You on the other hand were wondering why Cheol stood entranced in the kitchen doorway looking at you as if the words ‘let’s talk’ had been revolutionary. 

“Coming?” 

Cheol nodded and followed you back to the small back room that had been yours for the past few weeks. It was dark, but there was enough light coming in from the hallway and the tiny lamp in the corner of the room to light up the piles of clothes in the other corner, the blanket he put over you every night, and the charger that was plugged into the wall next to where he slept with you in his lap. 

The door closed heavily behind him as you leaned against a wall, wondering what it was that he felt the need to talk about, was it Lumen? “Did you change your mind?” You asked hesitantly. 

“About what?” Cheol looked scared for some reason, you didn’t know why but it made your eyebrows knit together. 

“It’s not about Lumen?” 

“No, no I still wanna go to Lumen! It’s not about that… wait, do you… not want to anymore?” 

You shook your head, “That’s not it!” You hurried to assure him. “I just thought, since that was our last conversation… you know.”

Cheol swallowed, he just needed to say what he felt. 

That was easier said than done though. The words all got jumbled up in his brain, his thoughts making his throat go dry, he just wanted you to know without having to tell you. You couldn’t read his mind, but he wanted you to feel it. He wanted you to feel how much, how deeply he loved you. He took a step towards you, your arms wrapping around him without a second thought. You pulled him close, chuckling at the thought that he had just wanted some kisses. 

His lips pressed against yours and his tongue quickly made its way into your mouth, the movements from his touch making you dizzy and tingly all over. Want was already pooling in your lower stomach. Arousal seeped through your folds, you hadn’t felt Cheol’s touch or mouth on you in so long. It kickstarted your system and had you wet after just a couple of minutes of making out. 

“More please,” you mumbled against his lips. 

Cheol’s hand moved down from your waist, below the gray pants you were wearing today. His large fingers quickly found their way through your folds, your pussy now soaked and leaking as he slipped his hand against your clit. His breath was hot against your face as he let go of your lips so he could hear your whimpers as he circled your clit. 

It felt so good, his rough hands knew exactly what to do as they dipped into your cunt, only teasing you before he went back to press on your sensitive spot. 

You were spreading your legs further apart the longer he teased your clit, you wanted to be filled, you wanted him to push his digits further into your body, you wanted to feel him inside of you as you gushed around his fingers. When he did you moaned out his name, the tension from the past few weeks all dissolving as he fucked you on his fingers. 

A loud knock drew you both out of the moment, and an unsure voice came from behind the door. “Uhm, Cheol? I just wanted to tell you that you’re off for the rest of the day… I got both yours and y/ns shifts covered… so you could talk.”

Cheol cleared his throat, “Yeah, thanks Wooyoung!” he shouted back before pushing his fingers back deep inside your cunt. A moan escaped your lips as he hit the right spot within. 

Wooyoung went silent, “Okay fine! Later then!” 

Cheol didn’t bother to answer, and as Wooyoung left you could hear him talk to himself, “You do something nice for someone and all they do is wave you off so they can get their dick wet, assholes!” 

He would’ve done the same, but none of you would ever argue about it with him. You both laughed for just a second before Cheol kissed you gently yet again, making you forget everything about what had just happened. 

You soon came as he thrust his fingers deeper into you while the palm of his hand pressed on your entire pussy. It was heavenly, a white blur was all you could see, and relief swept through your body. Cheol kept you from falling onto the floor when he put down the leg he had helped hold up. You were holding onto his clothing with a firm grip as you came down from the first high you had felt in too long. Cheol was riding on a high of his own, not because he had been allowed to cum but because you had. He felt just as proud now as he did the first time he had managed to make you have an orgasm, and he let the words come as they wished, “I love you, more than anything in the universe.”

Your eyes fluttered open upon hearing those softly spoken words. The words that turned your world upside down, the words that terrified you, the words you had longed to hear. 

“I love you too,” you said, pressing your forehead against Cheols. 

“I know,” he chuckled.

“Wait what?” You said and pulled away your head to try and see his face, “How… oh!” 

Your hand flew to slap over your mouth as you remembered what you had been thinking last night, remembering how the words had sat right at the tip of your tongue before you let yourself fall asleep last night. “I said it out loud, didn’t I?”

Cheol nodded, a smirk playing on his lips. “I hope you meant it because you’re gonna have to spend the rest of eternity with me once we get to our paradise.” 

“Our paradise? You already think Lumen is ours?” You teased. 

“Of course, with my handsome face and your gorgeous everything, how could we not find ourselves in charge?” 

“You’re insane, and I meant it.”

His smile shone even in the darkness and it lit up your heart like the sky on New Year’s Eve. He held you that night just like all other nights, but your mind was calmer than most other ones. You were dragging your fingertips along Cheol’s chest, resting your chin on his pillowy arm. 

“You know what’s funny?” he suddenly asked. 

You looked at him curiously. “What?” 

“My entire life, the people around me tried to convince me that I didn’t have a will of my own - that I didn’t have my own needs that they couldn’t fulfill.”

“...that’s funny?” you asked, shocked at his apparent sense of humor.

Cheol laughed, “No, no, I mean, it’s not really funny… but it’s funny how, as I had begun believing this myself after years of having been told this, it all just collapsed in front of me the moment I picked up the phone and heard this stranger with the most endearing voice ever try to order a pizza from me.”

You stayed quiet, “...again, that’s what you find funny?? I think we need to work on your humor mister.” He laughed more, your giggles joining his after a moment. Living wasn’t easy, but at least he had joined yours, and it was beginning to transform. Nothing was as it had been, and even an unsure future on the run seemed better than the life you had been living so far. At least you had one another now. 

Time moved too fast after that day, the goal of somehow going to Lumen with Cheol made the days on the ship with San and Wooyoung fly past you. Soon you were preparing to land on Specus. San had told you that you could stick with him for a few days before he got back on the ship to make the journey back to Earth. You both accepted, grateful that you didn’t have to figure out where to go by yourselves on this new planet. 

The day you stepped off the ship onto the giant spaceport on Specus you held onto Cheol’s hand, just as you had when you boarded it. Specus was an industrial planet, its main purpose was to mine minerals and metals from deep within the planet. It was visible the second you stepped off the ship that this planet wasn’t like Earth at all. Everything felt like it was a back alley, with pipes, and rust covering every building and vehicle you could see as you followed San through the rundown welcoming hall. There were no shops filled with books or souvenirs, only a ticket shop booth where a robotic arm was visible in the yellowish window. San led you through the hall, not looking at much and saying even less. It was colder here than on Earth. 

“Stop.” San said suddenly, “Look up.” 

Both you and Cheol let your eyes flash up, towards the ceiling, or at least towards what would’ve been the ceiling had there been one. Instead what you both saw was a dark violet sky, not the kind that you had both seen on Earth, but one that looked like it was exploding with tiny stars. “What is that?” You asked as you stood with your neck bent back completely so you could watch the stars moving around above you, faster than any stars you had ever seen before. 

“Specus spins faster.” San explained, “Somehow that ended up meaning it’s always this one color of blue in the sky and the light from the stars in our galaxies all blend to create this kaleidoscope of color and stars.”

“It’s pretty,” you said, tears almost forming in your eyes at your first sight of something other than metal and the darkness of space you had seen in months. You had missed looking up at the sky, you realized, even if it wasn’t the same sky that you had at home. 

Home, where was that? Earth wasn’t your home anymore. Did you not have one anymore? 

Cheol’s hand squeezed around yours and you abandoned the thoughts. They would only hurt you in the end, it was better to focus on the now.

San got you all two rooms at a hostel, the only one on the entire planet it turned out. They didn’t get many visitors except for the few who worked on commuting ships like San, and now you two. It had been so long since you had slept in a real bed that you slept as long as you physically could bear before your stomach was growling at you to get breakfast. San had already retrieved some while Cheol stayed with you, refusing to leave you alone just yet. He didn’t trust the others in the hostel, it seemed, as he continued to be on guard as you both got ready to leave your hostel room. 

That day San took you both on a tour around the town, it was small but busy. Automatons, aliens, and a few humans were wandering around; on their way to work, on their way to their temporary homes, or on their errands for the day. In that sense, it didn’t feel like you were very far away from Earth. But as you glanced up at the violet kaleidoscope sky you were reminded of just how different it all was.  

As the days passed on Specus, you didn’t have a clue of what to do next or how to get to Lumen. San had done everything he could for the both of you, even teaching you some of the most basic routines for checking on Cheol’s health. It hadn’t been an issue you had spent a single thought on, his health being something you took for granted even now. San helped you realize that what you had gotten yourselves into was dangerous not just because of who was after you, but because of who you two were. You needed to know things in case Cheol couldn’t help with telling you what he needed, in case something bad happened. Nobody would be able to help once you were alone. You weren’t handling the realization well. 

Cheol was the one to let you forget about it after you had gotten yourself stressed about what could end up hurting him. He felt guilty about having you worrying about him, and honestly, a little pissed at San for frightening you so much. He knew you needed to learn though, and opted for being your comfort instead. 

He kissed you, gently and lovingly, and he held you close when you couldn’t let the thought of having to use the new skill San had taught you on the man you loved. Seeing the inside of someone in that way had become your new nightmare. Cheol held you each night, shushing you back to sleep if you ever woke up from it. 

Two weeks ended up passing by just like that, nightmares and lessons on Automaton autonomy. You wanted to get off of Specus by the beginning of the third week. It didn’t matter that San and Wooyoung had become your friends, you wanted to leave. The sky was still beautiful but everything around you reminded you of what San had taught you, and you couldn’t think anymore, you didn’t want to think anymore. 

“Let’s find a ship then,” Cheol simply said when you voiced how badly you wished to go somewhere else, to find your paradise sooner rather than later. 

You laughed a bit at that, “Do you really think it’ll be that easy?” 

“Of course, it’ll be easy!” He said with a casual shrug. You flashed him a smile in return for his suddenly carefree attitude. 

“I don’t believe you, but I say we give it a shot!” 

Before you left you said your goodbyes to San, just in case you ended up actually lucking out and finding a ship that was willing to take you both to Lumen. You hugged the mechanic who had helped you both so much during these months. Cheol did the same, with one small difference, he whispered something to San before he pulled away. Something that made San’s face go serious but he nodded in confirmation. What had he agreed on? What had Cheol told him? You tried asking him as you left towards the spaceport but he wouldn’t budge, telling you “You’ll notice if it worked later, I promise.”

The hours passed, and any ship that looked decent had declined you. Every captain had a destination already and none of them had Lumen on the maps. 

You were tired and hungry. Cheol’s chipper attitude was long gone by now and you were both seemingly thinking about giving up for the day. 

“You know what, what if we just steal that ship? If we’re gonna be on one for months or even years we should have a proper one,” you joked and pointed at a large ship by the end of the docks. Cheol looked at the ship, it was larger than the ones you had been asking all day, but not even close to as large as a cargo ship. It was the perfect size for going on a long trip with a few people. 

“Alright,” Cheol said without a hint of sarcasm, which made you look at him surprised. 

“Wait what? You want to steal that ship for real?” You wheezed out. He nodded, a playful smile showing you that he meant to try. 

Fuck it, your mind decided - hunger and the need to leave Specus and all its minerals overtaking your rational mind. You boarded the ship, walking past any guards as if you owned the place. Nobody minded you two, the few people that far out the docks minding their own business. The ship was even more gorgeous inside, modern and so clean you were shocked at how long you had gone since you last saw a floor without mud or rust. 

You walked into the cockpit of the ship. If someone were to arrest you right now you were happy to at least have seen this ship before rotting away in Phylaca forever. The prison planet was the one place you never wanted to see even if you weren’t going there for imprisonment. But going to Lumen was all that mattered, so you would need to steal this ship. 

“I think this will do,” you said and smirked at Cheol. 

“What are you two doing here?” The voice made you both jump, and you both looked towards the exit. A man, rather large in his stature, stood confused and agitated in the doorway. He had just stepped inside the ship, the door behind him still wide open with the ramp that led to the dock right below him. You were in shock one minute and the next you began running. But you weren’t running away from the large man, you ran right towards him. A look of panic flashed across the man’s face and then your body slammed into his. You were sure you were going to fall with him, but you never did. A strong grip holding onto your waist. When you opened your eyes to see if you were dead you saw the man on the ground. He wasn’t moving. People around him looked up from their own business to look at what had happened. Cheol pulled you inside, closing the door as you stared out into the void in front of you. 

Had you killed that man? You ripped yourself from Cheol’s grip and looked out of the tiny window that faced the docks where more and more people were grouping around the man. Was he moving? You wanted to think he was moving. The people around him tried to lift his head, he was bleeding a little, but he was sitting, right? Your mind was a mess. You didn’t know if what you were seeing was real, or if it was your mind playing a terrible trick on you.

You gasped as you saw the docks moving. They were moving away from you just as the man seemed to turn and point at you. “He’s not dead! Cheol I’m not a murderer!!” You shouted.

But Cheol wasn’t there, he wasn’t where you had torn away from his grip anymore. He was by the cockpit, hands frantically trying everything he could to get the ship to do as he wished. The docks hadn’t moved, you realized, the ship had. 

Cheol picked up how to steer the ship rather quickly, even understanding how to use the auto control so he could charge at the same time you slept instead of constantly doing shifts. You were happy about that since it meant you got to spend time together on the ship, your days becoming rather pleasant as you settled into a routine. There was plenty of fuel on the ship, both for the ship itself and for you and Cheol. Electricity was easy to come by and there was a rather large supply of food there as well. You had managed to snatch a ship that had just been restocked - it was hard to accept the amount of luck the two of you had been struck by. 

But the best part of the ship was the fact that nobody else was on it. For the first time in forever, you two were alone. Alone with a bed and each other. There was nothing else to do but to let Cheol fuck you in every way he, or you, wanted. And my god you wanted to - all the time. The day had only just begun on your second week on board the ship and you hadn't had the chance to get dressed yet, breakfast in bed having become the norm as you let the ship steer away from everything, hoping it would lead you to Lumen if you just kept the course San had told you about. You simply steered away from — and hoped for the best. After all, you had better things to do that occupied your mind at the moment. 

Cheol could taste the fruit you had just eaten for breakfast, you tasted like what he imagined summer would if he could consume it. In a way he was. He was drinking in the way you looked underneath him with his eyes, he was licking and kissing every inch of you that he saw, nibbling on your skin, making you moan and beg more and more for each day that he learned his way around your body. 

Never before had you been undisturbed like this for days on end. It was pure bliss. He found out each spot you liked to feel his lips on your skin, each spot where he could make you arch your back off the bed, and each spot on the ship where he could drill into your cunt until your legs gave out and your juices leaked out of you. You made a mess of the large bed that had been meant for someone a lot more powerful than the two of you, but none other than you two would’ve been able to use it to its fullest like you had been while alone on the ship. 

Cheol’s fingers smoothed over your thighs as his hot breath caused shivers to spread from your core, goosebumps prickling your skin in the air of the spaceship. You were grabbing fistfuls of his long hair, his gaze sultry and dripping with lust as his tongue flicked over your clit. He was burying his face in your puffy and glistening folds, reveling in your moans and how your entire body was writhing from his tongue exploring your wet pussy. 

You had been at it for a while, but neither of you were finished, orgasms were still left to be had before you would be able to sleep. 

The way he was making out with your cunt would soon send you over the edge if only the muffled sound of a voice hadn’t found its way through the corridors of the ship to pull you out of your pleasure. 

“What the fuck is that?” You groaned, pushing on Cheol’s head a little as if you would be able to hear the voice clearer the further Cheol was from your cunt. This was true, but not enough of a reason to give up on chasing your orgasm, according to Cheol since he simply attached his lips to you again. 

He hummed, meaning to get you to ignore whatever it was. The voice of a person, clearly in a rush, continued to echo in the large rooms from the cockpit. “Cheol I need to check on that. They sound worried, maybe they’re in danger.” 

“Fucking hell!” He groaned out as you pushed on him again. “How is it possible for us to get interrupted right now?! We’re in the middle of the freaking space for goodness sake!” Cheol shouted, his lips leaving your body and his hands stilled. 

“I’ll fix it. Gimme two seconds,” you said with a giggle. He had taken the words right out of your mouth, it was incredible how you could never have sex without someone interrupting you. 

You rushed to the cockpit, only managing to throw on a simple T-shirt. “Hello?” The voice came screeching out of the sound system in the cockpit. You had never used it before, but with a simple push of a button that blinked in a bright shade of red, you were able to answer the person on the other end. “Hello! Can we help you?” You asked in your friendliest tone. 

“Yes, hello, this is the spacecraft Marquise, 4210-CH378,” the voice stated, “We are on course for —- and have discovered your ship on our monitor. We are on a direct collision course with your ship if nothing is adjusted, and based on our estimation of your ship size we are afraid that any living beings on your ship will be crushed as a result of the impending collision.” 

You were speechless, “I’m sorry? We’re about to crash into you?! And die?!” You shouted the friendly tone you had tried to access now long gone in favor of your pure panicked state. 

“I’ll move our ship! Please don’t crush us!” You shouted as you pressed down on the button, hoping to the stars that your actions were the right ones to do at that moment as you simply smashed buttons at random on the control desk. Anything to make the ship away from the larger ship that was already visible in the far-off distance, a star that seemed to move twice as fast as any regular star could. 

You hadn’t noticed Cheol when he entered the cockpit, only noticing him when you felt a kiss on your shoulder, which then became a row of small warm kisses down your back. A small chuckle came from behind you as your body reacted to him, forgetting what you were doing. 

“If you intend to change the course of your ship, we would prefer it happen before you end up in front of us…” the person on the other side of the intercom reminded you. 

You had forgotten, pushing the red button once again, bending forward as you did, giving Cheol the perfect opportunity to push his face back against your still dripping pussy. 

“I’m so sOrry-” you winced, “I’m having some technical difficulti- ah!” 

“Do you need some assistance?” a voice crackled over the intercom. You needed to get the ship on another course or you would soon be nothing but a bug on the windshield of the much larger ship coming right towards you. Cheol’s tongue on your soaking cunt had you trembling where you stood, bent over the control panel, the ship in sight and your mind working against the impulse to give in to Cheol’s magic touch and ignore all your issues. 

You tried to momentarily pull away from his face, but he had you in his grip and you were too entranced by his grip to properly make the effort to get your heat away from his warm tongue. Instead, you pushed on the lever that you had seen Cheol use only once or twice, unsure of what it did but it was the best option. You pushed it as far as it went, and the ship began turning away from your intended course, and by extension, away from the collision course. 

“Thank you. We wish you good luck on your further travels,” the voice from the larger ship sounded through the intercom once again. “No problem, you too!” you managed to say before turning away from the control panel, Cheol’s grip on you only losing for a second as he took his mouth off of you, only to sit you down in the pilot’s seat. This time you weren’t focused on staying on the course however, instead the chair was turned away from the panels and the vast universes outside the ship, instead, you had a very cocky Seungcheol on his knees in front of you. Your cunt was on display and dripping as you awaited his touch yet again. 

“You seemed to be a little distracted just now,” he chuckled. You scowled, but not for long, your neediness taking control of you once again as you pushed Cheol’s face back to your arousal, which he lapped up with fervor, the stress of the moment gone just as it had come, the incident being largely forgotten by the both of you afterward. 

This was one of the biggest mistakes you could have made on your journey. Forgetting where you were going, forgetting that your newly found safe haven on the ship would only last as long as nothing burst your fragile bubble. 

Days passed, and your waking hours flew past you almost as fast as the space around you did. 

A single blip showed up at the edge of one of the monitors in the cockpit. Blinking bright blue, your spacecraft flew closer with each day. Neither of you paid any attention to it. The both of you relied on the autopilot mode to guide you to Lumen, even if your initial direction was based on nothing more than what San had told you months ago. 

The change of course hadn’t made a difference to your daily routine until you saw the desolate planet in front of you. When you had spotted it one morning in the distance, you had presumed it to be an optical illusion. There wasn’t supposed to be much of anything out here, but you could very clearly see a small planet, darker than the surrounding space, with only the lights of ships to reveal that it was anything other than space junk or a meteor. 

Dark and wet, it lay lonely in the universe. Your fuel had begun emptying after weeks of nonstop flying, you would need to stop at one place or another sometime soon. Changing courses away from the prison planet now would only make suspicion arise from the watchtowers on the planet. There was no denying it: Phylaca would be your next stop.

“We need to put on our best act, we fucked up y/n, let’s make it quick…” Cheol tumbled as you both watched the planet becoming bigger and bigger from the cockpit’s large window. “As long as they don’t find out anything about who we are or why we’re here, everything will be fine,” you agreed, the doubt evident in your voice and the way you were biting your cheek to distract you from the sense of doom you were experiencing. 

Docking at Phylaca’s spaceport was unexpectedly easy, the man who had answered the intercom had welcomed you to land on one of the less crowded docks before they could come to meet you. You had worried they would take you as pirates or something worse since you weren’t authorized to be there, but the man on the speaker had jokingly called you out on “not exactly looking like a pirate ship.” You weren’t sure how you should take that, but you were thankful that it had let you both safely land on the planet. 

A guard was coming closer, he didn’t look like most guards you had seen before, he was rather short and his stature was on the smaller side. His presence, however, was enormous. The way he carried himself made you a bit nervous as he approached. You went out to meet him, hoping it wasn’t all a ploy to get you and Cheol arrested, he stayed behind inside the ship, having been convinced that it would be safer if nobody had seen him on Phylaca at all. San had recognized him as a level 1 automaton, even though most people can’t tell the difference at all, who was to say that nobody else would? 

“Hey,” the man said and reached out a hand, “Welcome to Phylaca, the intergalactic prison.” 

You had to swallow hard to not reveal how nervous that made you. “Hey, me and my crew were hoping that we could stay here for just a little while, just until we can restock on some supplies and fuel. We’ll be out of your hair before you can even count to 10!” You rambled, not much thought going into what you were saying even though your brain was running in circles trying not to say anything stupid. 

His features were sharp, delicate in some way, he stared at you expressionless as he listened. 

“That soon? On the run or something?” He said, the same expressionless eyes staring at you suspiciously. 

Fuck, you had already fucked it all up. You would die in prison and they would probably send Cheol back to earth and he would forget everything and you would be left here all alone for all of eternity! You wanted to cry. The guard must’ve noticed, because as he saw the tears trying their hardest not to fall from your bottom lashes his expression let up, eyebrows knitting worriedly together and he reached out a hand, “No, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” 

The tears fell, and you wiped them off, pulling back from the hand the guard had reached out for you. “I was only kidding, okay? I’m gonna tell you a secret, yeah?” 

Your tears were gone, you mind a huge question mark as the guard you had been speaking to for about two minutes had 1. Made you cry, 2. Guess your life’s story in two seconds, and 3. Wants to tell you a secret so you won’t cry?? 

Who was this man? 

“You’re not the first person who has ended up here while on the run, and I’ll help if you are! That’s my secret…” he whispered, looking at you with a curious eye. Was he waiting for you to respond to him disclosing what was most likely highly restricted information to you just because you were tired and scared?

“Uhm…” you were speechless, “I’m y/n, I’d love help…” 

“Oh wow, okay that was much easier than it usually is. Hi y/n, I’m Hongjoong,” he gave you a gentle smile now, somehow reassuring you that you would be okay, even if you had just been offered illegal help from what you figured was basically a corrupt guard. 

“What? He just agreed to help us? A Phylaca guard agreed to restock our storage and fuel tank. Just like that?” Cheol was in disbelief, you nodded with big eyes, barely believing it yourself. 

“I mean, it’s possible that he only said he would because I was crying and he wanted some time to get more guards to come and arrest us… but he seemed very nice!” 

He was in shock, and he was scared, you could see it in his face before he hid it in his hands, rubbing away the worries as much as possible. 

“He… did he not want anything in return?” He finally asked. You were silent for a moment. “Y/n. What did he ask you to do in return for this huge favor?” 

His voice was stern, and you would need to tell him eventually anyhow. 

“…he wants us to help one of his acquaintances get off of Phylaca…” you mumbled, a bit scared of how he would react to you agreeing to host strangers on your ship. 

“You invited refugees from a prison to our ship?” 

“…I did.”

He stared at you, his expression hard to read. 

“Can we run before they get here?” 

“I don’t think we should…”

“…Fine, let’s wait for them, whoever they are. But if it turns out they’re literal murderers or something, we should kick them off sooner rather than later,” he said before standing up. You were standing by the door, not having gotten much further into the room created for the kitchen staff on the ship, the room that you had deemed safe enough for Cheol to stay in while you went outside to meet Hongjoong. 

He walked to you, taking your face in his hands, “Thank you for coming back safely, even if this deal might get us killed in the end.” 

You chuckled but was interrupted when Cheol leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 

The ship was ready to lift, but the docks were even emptier than you had seen them during the entire time you had been on Phylaca. Hongjoong hadn’t talked to you much since that first day. He had sent notes along with the supplies he had sent over. It was terrifying each time a delivery was made, you never knew if this was the day you would be found out and arrested. But Hongjoong had turned out to be trustworthy, and you had kept your own promise of staying to help out his acquaintances in need too, at least so far. 

“They haven’t shown yet?” Cheol asked when he came back to the cockpit where you sat, prepared to lift the moment your new passengers were on the ship. 

“Nope, Hongjoong said that they would show up about now… should we leave if they don’t come?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe they will come after us if we leave…we don’t know how much we should trust that guard if we break our deal.” 

He was right, you needed to wait; you needed to keep your promise to make it off Phylaca safely. If you had done all this just to get arrested while leaving the planet, it would’ve all been in vain. 

You waited, the silence of the empty-looking planet feeling increasingly eerie. 

Then you spotted them, you gasped, they were running. Two people were running towards you. You couldn’t see them clearly, they were too far away at first. You recognized the jacket on one of them, it belonged to the guard on Phylaca. The other person was seemingly wearing matching clothes. Were they criminals? What had you gotten yourselves into? 

You didn’t call for Cheol to come look, but he noticed the way you tensed up as you saw them coming closer and the way your breath hitched in your throat when you finally saw them. You recognized one of them from the big plasma screens. His face had been everywhere. Even though you hadn’t been looking much at any of the members standing beside the man you had found out was the idol you were talking to in secret, you could recall his face lit up with the cold blue lights in the evening. He was one of the 53V3NT33N members. D1N0. One of the members Cheol had been forced to leave behind when he ran. He was here, on Phylaca. 

Cheol stood frozen beside you. They stopped just a couple hundred feet away, the other person blocking the view of D1N0’s face. Something was happening, you didn’t know what, but when you saw the guards you didn’t even care anymore. You weren’t going to get caught here, not like this. D1N0 had stayed behind. He pushed the other person forward, and simply watched as they ran toward the ship. They ran away from him, away from the guards, and towards you and Cheol. 

They were the acquaintances Hongjoong had spoken of, they were supposed to leave with you. Both of them. But only one of them got on board. Cheol was still frozen, you weren’t sure if he was even there anymore. You couldn’t wait. The stranger that had run on board was safe. 

You left the docks, hearing a faint, “No!” You knew it was Cheol, but the instinct to get you all to safety was greater than his shouts for you to turn back. He could’ve overpowered you and made you go back, but he didn’t even think that far. He ran to the doors that would’ve led him outside. A large bang echoed through the metal hallways of the spacecraft along with a pained sob. You didn’t know if it came from Cheol or your new passenger.

But there was nothing to step onto, only space. The view of D1N0 was soon lost, you didn’t want any of you to see what would happen to him as he stayed on Phylaca. 

You didn’t want to know what you had done as you left without him. 

Cheol was quiet. So quiet. 

He said nothing, he barely looked at you. It felt like a stab in the back each time he looked away from you when you even looked his way or opened your mouth. 

The bang had come from Cheol making a dent in the interior of the ship, wrecking his hand in the meantime. You had looked at his broken hand in horror, the sight of his skin cracked but without a single drop of blood or bone showing made you queasy. 

The stillness of the ship continued for days. Your new passenger having shut themselves away from the both of you, it was different than Cheol, but the silence was crushing anyhow. There was nowhere to go, you were stuck right there, in the middle of the universe. 

You used everything San had taught you back at Specus to help heal Cheol’s hand. With bandages and thread, you sewed and patched his cracked skin over the mechanical workings of his broken self. It didn’t help him deal with his real pain though, you knew that. 

You couldn’t understand either of their pain completely, but you tried. He didn’t want you to try. He was hurt and he wanted you to feel as alone as he did, you knew he just didn’t want to be completely alone in his pain. So you let him stay as he was: quiet and angry. 

He didn’t touch you anymore. He didn’t talk to you. He didn’t even care to respond to a single question you asked for over a week. You cried yourself to sleep each night, and did your best to create a new daily routine now that everything had changed into this still place of pain and dark glances thrown your way. 

You had begun blaming yourself, you had made the choice, maybe you did deserve to be shut out by everyone. 

You waited for days for him to take the first step, to tell you that he was ready to talk about it all, to tell you that he wasn’t mad about the choice you had made. He never did. He didn’t say a word. The solitude continues for all three of you on your lonely spacecraft on your way to a planet that didn’t exist…

It continued until you felt yourself going mad, the days had melted together in a bad way, the only emotion you had felt was gray and sticky and you hated it. You had begun hating yourself because of it. 

“Cheol.” Was all you said to him, startling him where he sat staring into space from the cockpit. You stood a couple steps away from him, closer to the door than to the man who seemed like a shell of who he had been before Phylaca. 

At first, he only responded with silence, but after a moment words formed. “Do you know why I had the phone you called in the first place?”

His voice sounded raspy and repressed as if he was choking on the syllables. You shook your head in response. He didn’t see you, but he continued. 

“I convinced the management that I needed a phone that wasn’t connected to the network so that in case anything bad happened to me or the members, I would be able to contact help even when our communication devices didn’t work.” 

His voice wasn’t more than a choked whisper. The words still felt like a slap to the face. 

“Everything I have ever said, done, and felt has always been meant to help my members, they’re my family. Instead, I used what I had gained in the name of helping them, to ruin everything. I did it all for my own selfish desires. Can you understand how much shame and guilt is crushing me every day? Every minute I spend away from them. Not even knowing if they’re okay.”

You had nothing to say. What could you say? Could any of your words comfort him at all? Could you make him the slightest bit happier right now? Could you ever manage to keep him happy? Distracting him from all the disasters of the universe wasn’t possible, so what could you do? 

Instead, you continued to say nothing. Your body fell back against the cold metal wall behind you. You couldn’t say a single word to help him, but you could let him say all the words he needed to say to help himself. 

He stayed quiet for a while. Your shuffling as you slid down to the floor against the wall told him you were still there. His figure slumped back against the chair he sat in. 

“I just, I can’t believe I actually left them all to fucking deal with all of this by themselves. I don’t even know if they made it out alive.” He began, voice still strained as he tried to hide everything that wished to rip him apart from within. “I was supposed to be there for them, to be their leader who stood by them no matter what. And you know what, I took pride in that, I was so proud to be the one to support those guys even in the situation we were in.”

You stayed quiet. Quiet tears streamed down your face as you listened. 

“How could I just leave? What? Because I was scared of forgetting this? I could’ve stayed, I could’ve figured something out.” He was beginning to sound angry now.

“Cheol, no. You know you couldn’t have. This was the only way… wasn’t it?” You whispered, the tears clouding your eyes as you watched the back of his head. 

“I- I don’t know anymore y/n. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly at all, maybe I was actually sick like they said…” he sighed. 

Your heart was in your throat, swallowing hard you decided to say your peace as well. “So… because you loved someone- no, because you loved me, you’re gonna blame yourself for everything that has happened? That feels like you’re actually blaming me, you know?”

This made him turn around. His features were tired and his skin was dull. He hadn’t been taking care of himself at all. 

“Y/n, stop it. You know this isn’t your fault.” He mumbled. Tired eyes looking at your tear-stained face. 

“No, maybe it is. You would’ve never broken the rules, they would’ve never found out and you would’ve never been almost rebooted. And most importantly - if you had never loved me you wouldn’t have had to abandon your family.”

“Please, just stop that y/n.” He groaned and let his head fall back, eyes closed, he was in pain. You didn’t know if it was physical or mental. Nevertheless, you wanted him to listen as well. You were in pain too. 

“What? Am I making you feel bad for thinking it’s me that’s the problem and not the goddamn company that put you through it all from the start? Am I making you feel like you’re making me feel with all of your talk of how ashamed you feel that you left that life behind? Because I know, I remember how out of everything horrible in your life back then, those boys were the only thing that made you happy while you were there… So please, stop beating yourself up, Cheol. The past has already happened, we managed to get out right? What makes you think the others weren’t as lucky as we were?”

He stayed quiet for a while. His silence made your heart drop. You needed to ask him straight up. 

“Do you blame me? Do you hate me?” Your voice wasn’t more than a whisper, but he heard you. It was impossible for him not to. 

“I-” he tried, but his voice broke. The tears welled in your eyes. You wanted to fight for what you two had, but if he blamed you… whatever you had might be too far from saving. 

“It’s okay. I understand.” 

You forced yourself to say it, you couldn’t walk away from him. Even if he hated you, you refused to be the one to leave. 

“It’s not that I hate you, I just hate how it hurts. Because it really fucking hurts. I’m in pain every single second and I don’t know how to make it stop.” His voice was breaking as tears streamed down his face. “But, I… I can’t lose you too.”

You placed the back of your hand over your mouth, trying to somehow hold back the pain that wanted to consume you from the inside. 

“We should’ve tried saving Dino…” 

You got up from your corner, your arms finally letting your legs go, replacing your own arms around your body with Cheol’s. He hugged you. Tightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. It was relieving to say it. He had been in a shame spiral for the past few weeks. He just hadn’t noticed. Still, you stayed with him, waited for him, listened to him. He wanted to repay you for all of it. 

Weeks passed yet again. Things got better, slowly but surely. You talked to each other. You were beginning to forgive each other for those weeks after Phylaca. It wasn’t easy. 

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sleep, and repeat. Small conversations, still trying not to start up another fight. It was exhausting. 

The stranger still wasn’t speaking much, too wrapped up in their own mind to be able to share the pain they kept inside. Not that either of you were sharing your struggles with them anyhow. It was a mutual understanding that all three of you needed some space, even as you were trapped together in space. Galaxies passed you by, and you found yourself passing time by watching the tiny lights fly past the large windows from the cockpit.  

Sometimes, Cheol sat with you. Holding your hand, comforting you without words just like he had been that day when this had all begun. That helped. It helped both of you; knowing that neither of you actually wanted to abandon what you had, even after everything. 

When something finally showed up in front of your ship, only a small planet, not much bigger than the moon of the earth, you didn’t allow yourself to get your hopes up. 

After so many months, this was probably only another uninhabited planet with a poisonous atmosphere. 

“I don’t wanna get your hopes up, Cheol, but this planet looks so much like earth…” you shouted to Cheol who was trying to get your guest to eat some of the lunch from earlier, with very little success. 

If this was Lumen, maybe everything would be okay.

Maybe the void of space you had been traveling through had an end after all, despite the overwhelming feeling of being trapped and that you would all end up wasting away inside the ship on your long journey. 

But if this was it…

You let the ship continue straight ahead. Cheol and your guest joined you in the cockpit after hearing your shouts across the deck. 

All three of you watched as the planet became bigger. You could see water, and green patches everywhere. Clouds! There were clouds and an atmosphere surrounding the small planet. 

You had gone off autopilot, Cheol helping you steer the ship toward the planet. You circled it, trying to draw attention to yourselves through the intercom system. No sign of life was heard until a small voice came through, a child. “Hello! Are you aliens??” The child asked over the crackling of the coms. 

You wanted to shout, there was life here! 

“Hello? We’re outside of your airspace, our registration is BO883628K, and we are requesting permission to land!” You shouted back. 

“What are you doing?!” Another voice could be heard, the small child squealed and the crackling disappeared. You were scared the last shot at landing somewhere had been lost forever, but the other voice came back after just a moment. 

“Hey? Who is this?” 

Your body was tense, nerves firing uncontrollably as you explained your errand yet again. 

“Of course, welcome to Lumen, wanderers.” 

You yelped, “Lumen?! We found it?” You were jumping up and down, laughing and shouting as you felt all your worries leaving your body. Your new home was right below you, welcoming you with a warm embrace and new hope.

“Yes, you found it,” the voice crackled, you could hear them chuckling a bit at your excited yelling. “There are bigger docks located northeast of your current location, go there to land safely.”

You found a house, outside one of the small towns near the docks. You had nothing to give in return for the hospitality the diverse population of Lumen offered you, Cheol, and your newest passenger. 

They didn’t care, they told you that most of the people there had already been through the same suffering that you all had. Anyone who made it to Lumen was treated like family, nobody was to be left empty-handed just because they were strangers to the people. 

“Is this really here? Am I dead or asleep or something?” You said in wonder, grasping at Seungcheol’s arm. You stood in your new kitchen, it was simple, but airy. The view from the kitchen showed the sunny forest lying just behind the garden and the porch. 

“If you’re dreaming I’m dreaming with you.” He laughed hysterically. “But I think it might be real…” 

You jumped into Cheol’s embrace, hugging and kissing him like the past few weeks had all been a bad dream, like this was your true reality and everything bad could be forgotten completely. 

He seemed happy as well, looking around the large house with you, coming up with ways you could improve the place, and how you could make the vegetable garden prosper once again. It was overgrown and run down, everything had been left to its own devices. But it was vacant, and the townspeople had agreed that you two would be wonderful as the new owners of the house. It was a short forest walk back to the town, where you had parted from your quiet passenger, telling them that they were welcome any day and that you would always have a spare room and a shoulder to cry on. It made Cheol happy, somehow trying to make up for the fact that you had lost D1N0 on Phylaca through this person that he must’ve cared about more than his own life. 

“Do you think they will be able to find their way here too? The members, I mean. Like we did?” You whispered, resting your head on Cheol’s shoulder, your hand in his. You watched the dark green leaves swaying in the summer breeze, the flowers following the sun that shone more than it was gone, and the grass on the ground scenting the air you breathed in. 

“I hope so, I think they will know eventually.”

“Know what?” You said and looked at him. 

“That we’re here.”

You tilted your head. “How would they know to find us here of all places?” 

“Remember the secret I had with San on the first ship?” He said and smiled, embarrassed about something. 

You nodded. Not quite understanding what he meant yet. 

“I told him to tell anyone he met that might be related to us. Actually, I told him to let anyone like us know that if we got here, we would offer a home for them to rest at.”

Tears welled in your eyes, he had been thinking of everyone else this entire time. Not once had he let himself be entirely selfish, you squeezed his hand, bringing it up to your lips and pressing a thankful kiss to his soft skin. 

“I think they will come, eventually.” 

The years passed on Lumen. You and Cheol had made a home for yourselves. A home that would be open for any runaways, robot, alien, and human alike. It was safe, happy, and hopeful because one day everything might be absolutely perfect in your new home. 

The spare rooms of your new house would exist for them if they could ever get to their leader. The thought helped him continue, to live life to the fullest until they could join him. It comforted you as well, knowing that he had some hope left and that maybe he could let go of some of the guilt you knew he carried with him each day, and instead let himself be proud of something once again. 

Reblogging and commenting is highly appreciated!! Hearing what you thought is what makes writing and being here overall so much fun! Ty and ily 💕

[navigation post!]

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 30/09/2024

Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix)

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume AI

Ripped by beardfear

Last week, for my "Character Archives" series, I finally pulled the trigger with the aptly-named [FILE-07] and wrote about the SiIvaGunner channel's mascot: Grand Dad. The funny Flintstones have been there since the literal first day of the channel's life, in a way representing everything that the team has aimed to achieve for the channel during its run. Yet one part I only briefly covered in the aforementioned post was the very fascinating evolution that Grand Dad as a channel meme has undergone over these past eight years. To outsiders to the channel, it may appear as if we've been laughing at the same tired joke for close to a decade - yet as things so often are on SiIvaGunner, the truth is far more densely layered, and arguably even more stupid. And in my eyes, no rip on the channel better encapsulates that ongoing growth than Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), a time capsule of almost five years by now.

Back in the beginning of Season 1, the appeal of Grand Dad as a meme was incredibly simple to understand: You expect one song from clicking on the video, and are instead met with one of the most globally recognizable melodies in the world. It's not that the Flintstones melody has some sort of inherent comedic value to it, like with The Nutshack and rips like Too big, huh, my nuts are too big how about that, nor is Meet The Flintstones the kind of piece to really evoke fierce emotions the way Snow Halation does in rips like Violet Snow Memories. As the very first joke made for the SiIvaGunner channel, the appeal in Grand Dad lay almost entirely in the novelty of the melodyswap alone. You as a viewer will be aware of The Flintstones theme, and you may even be aware of the Vinesauce bit that inspired the channel - and from that, the surprise of hearing the tune from a video game song you weren't expecting to, most often done with surprising authenticity to the game being ripped, was the extent of the bit.

The problem here, as you might already be able to tell, is that this joke is very reliant on the first impression, the initial surprise of not expecting the funny Flintstones to show up. That kind of surprise is something the team would continue finding new ways to evoke even in these first few months of the channel's life, resulting in a huge amount of all-time classic, inventive Season 1 rips like the great seaweed, Be Cool, Be Wild, and Be My Girl, and of course: Athletic Doctor. Yet as these kinds of new and fun ways to surprise people kept being explored, Grand Dad rips still kept coming - it had become a fun exercise for new rippers to learn, a simple melody to play around with. And even just a few short months in, I distinctly remember the reactions toward these rips beginning to feel more...tepid. Within the team, legendary rippers like Triple-Q had gone vocally against leveraging the joke further: all of which slowly escalated into the meme becoming derided as played out and tired. We'd get phrases like "Funny 7" and "Epic Flintstones" tossed around in an ironic tounge-and-cheek fashion, forever immortalized into the rip of Season 1's finale, Epic Flintstones. It felt as if, across the channel's nine months, Grand Dad had now lived a sufficient life, going from hero to the channel, to a bit of a punching bag, but one we were still left sad to see go.

And then the channel...y'know, continued.

With Season 2, as I've covered on posts like ULTRA S+G, the channel was now taking itself and its lore just a little bit more seriously. Grand Dad was still a little bit of a dated thing, yet with the notion of the channel's fate hanging into balance, he came to be as a sort of symbol for the channel's spirit, an icon to rally behind. By the time Season 3 rolled around, all of these views on the meme had wholly coalesced into outright ironic reverence. Videos like Unusual Circumstances and tons of rips made during the Nostalgia Takeover (see Fragile Snowman (Remastered)) in particular emphasized just how bizarre the fanbase's supposed adoration of Grand Dad and the funny number 7 was - and we the fans nodded, laughed and agreed! We all knew Grand Dad wasn't *genuinely* all too funny anymore, but somewhere in that storm of irony-fueled laughs it felt, at least to me, as if we sort of forgot the importance that Grand Dad was meant to hold on the channel, the ways in which it so beautifully encapsulated everything the channel stands for. And that's when this story takes an interesting turn.

In April of 2019, Season 4 of SiIvaGunner was officially well under way - and all eyes were, of course, on the newly-announced King for Another Day Tournament, covered on posts like Theme of HOBaRT. This month in particular gave us the first-ever real "SiIva Direct", a spoof on Nintendo's series of video announcement reels, only now of course focused on activity on the SiIvaGunner channel. It was as mentioned mainly focused on reveals for the still largely under wraps tournament set to come later in the year, yet amidst all those reveals and the announcements of some albums, one of the headlines stood out amidst the rest: The announcement - a week ahead of its release - of a lone high quality rip. That, of course, being Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix). Now remember, this is still the same channel that releases on average six of these videos a DAY - and all that this announced rip was explained to be was a basic, ancient, old-ass, everyday Grand Dad rip. Surely, we all thought, there was a twist ahead: this rip was going to have a character reveal for KFAD, or this rip was going to be the start of some larger ARG, or contain some sort of crucial lore!! Even as the Direct ended, it stayed in the back of my mind...

And then the day came, April 7th. Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), as scheduled, lands right into our laps. And, shock and awe: It is quite literally exactly what it was advertised as. Waluigi Pinball, from Mario Kart DS, with the melody swapped to the Flintstones theme. Just the same as it had been as far back as Season 1. The drop of this video wasn't really hyped up more than its announcement, it wasn't as if this was the only video to drop this day, but it still felt like a lot of eyes were on it, yet the reaction wasn't really angry, or even tepid, so much as it was just a fair bit baffled. "I like how we all expected something huge but it's just a normal decent rip", writes one commenter: "I knew that there wasnt gonna be any special joke", writes another: Largely, though, people were of course dropping in a lot of ironic excitement for the rip, feeding off of the reputation Grand Dad had gotten. It was like Season 1 had never left! Or, well...

...the thing is, when you listen to Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), when you give it a genuine listen, you realize just how far the channel has come since Season 1. Sure, its grown in more extravagant, ambitious ways as well, but in Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), all SiIvaGunner viewers got to oh-so-subtly notice just how much better the team had gotten at ripping even the simplest of concepts in the few years since the channel's inception. A good number of early Season 1 like the original release of Violet Snow Memories were once taken down from the channel due to their off-key sound, and even the ones that stayed are often noticeably rough in sound, sufficient in getting the joke across yet failing to really stand up to any scrutiny. We'd seen rips get bigger and bolder, projects growing to the scope of projects such as The 2:28 Collab and SNES Mini Circulation - yet in a way, it was as if we were missing the trees that built this forest. In Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), the melody swap plays along to a melody so erratic in tempo, with such strange instrumentation, to where you just KNOW right off the bat that a less experienced and less knowledgeable ripper would have made this sound completely off-kilter back in the days of Season 1. Yet the ripper behind Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), beardfear, only got his start on the channel just a few months prior toward the end of Season 3, doing simple melody swaps much in the same vein as the ones Grand Dad had inspired hundreds others to do back in the channel's humble beginnings. The spirit of Grand Dad, even though all the mockery and irony surrounding it, was still continuing to inspire new rippers on the channel. It still so concisely and effectively represents everything that SiIvaGunner as a channel and as a team aims to achieve - and I feel like with Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), tongue-in-cheek as it were, we got a gentle reminder of just how much this ancient meme really means to all of us. From my perspective, seeing this unfold, this was the first point at which we began to start actually...like Grand Dad again?

It wasn't as if we automatically began finding the meme as funny as it had been in Season 1 or anything, nor did all of that lighthearted irony-posting really ever cease. Yet in the years since, in Season 5 and 6, it felt as if we'd all come to understand just how important Grand Dad as a figure is to the channel. By the time Season 7 was declared to be an entire YEAR dedicated to the guy, all hints of the irony that used to dominate discussion in the comments on Grand Dad rips felt as if it had completely disappeared. So many years had passed, not just since Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), but since the days when the meme had even started becoming derided to begin with, to where it just felt normal to present and view Grand Dad as a figure worth celebrating on the channel. He's the one who started it all! He's the most clear-cut embodiment of what the channel represents! But more than that, I feel as if by Season 7, we had all begun to realize just how far the channel had come, just how many years it had now been trucking along for - and just how impressive it was that it could all still be traced back to that one little melody.

The very next year after Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix) released, at the SiIvaGunner team's 2020 MAGFest appearance, they held a special panel detailing how to get started in high quality ripping. Named High Quality Ripping LIVE!, it was a setup that let fans in the audience request simple rips for members of the team - live on stage - try to create as fast as possible. It was through first seeing this event that everything just sort of clicked together for me, in realizing how important Grand Dad as a figure still is for rippers in particular. I imagine it can be easy to feel lost in the excitement of rippers contributing these out of this world projects to the channel, yet as we learned back on Welcome to 2021! They finally invented summers that hurt motherfuckers😂 only at sonicforces​.​com - the main point of ripping, in truth, is to just let the imagination run wild and to have fun with what you're doing. That fun, be it ambitious or silly, all has to begin somewhere: and for rippers all across the team, rippers from Season 1 all the way to Season 8, those first steps taken into the hobby begins with FL Studio, a video game track of their own choosing, and the vision to recreate that iconic sequence of 15 notes.

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Hello! Really random but I was talking to a friend about the deal with the “evil altean” alternative universe that unfortunately exists and knew you had some thoughts on it!

I want to be able to explain it better but you have a better understanding than I do! I hope you don’t mind me asking your thoughts on it!

Hollow-dweller has explained it much better than i ever could here and here, and most of my reply is just giving out the same points they made. Anyway in my opinion Hole in the Sky is a shit ass episode and i deeply resent it.

To start with this episode is another example of Reverse Racism the vld writers love so much and one of the many many many many Many examples of the fact that vld is very much written by white writers for a white audience and focusing on a white UsAmerican narrative that pretends to be progressive and inclusive but is absolutely shallow in its ideals and is not at all sympathetic towards minorities, victims of oppression, and those who are not white american. Furthermore this episode is yet another example of this shows contant need to criticize and punish Allura for wanting to reconnect with her dead people and culture.

First of all lets look at the motivation of Empress Allura that led her into making a colonizing mind-washing empire out of her once peace loving diplomatic people. Apparently it is similar to main reality in that the Galran attack and Alfor was killed, however this time they went with Allura's plan in the first episode to bring voltron together which leads to the Galran empire's defeat and Altea becoming the colonizing force instead (i rewatched that stupid episode just to answer this ask, so yes this is literally what happened in that episode. While the evil alteans dont say that Empress Allura brought the voltron together, it was jds who mentioned in an interview that that's what happened)

Problem with that is we already know how Allura would react to such situation! In canon! And sure she was (rightfully) hurt and angry about it, but she never let go of her kindness because of it! She lost her father And her planet And everyone she ever loved and still remained a kind and giving person to her own detriment.

And inspite of what your average Allura-hating Keith/Lotor/Klance stan would have you believe, her hatred towards Galran was never this deep to the point of enacting unjust violence on them, let alone destroying the universe because of it. Yes she was distrusting of Ulaz except he also broke into her castle and beat up her teammates which most likely did colour her opinion. Yes she was cold towards Keith except it only involved side-eye and a cold comment for which she apologized in the very next episode without anyone else's prompting. And people bring up her actions against Lotor after his reveal and rage against good!Zarkon to say she's a bigot, and i am sorry i don't have to explain how that's just plain stupid, all i can say is that even after everything the stans still think that she didn't deserve to kick both their asses let alone genuinely consider she was in the wrong then i am sorry but there really is no hope for them.

Also even if she had a damning corruption arc, do you really think Coran and the paladins of the old who very likely were alive to defeat the galran would have let her go that far? Do you really think she wouldn't have crumbled immediately if Alfor's Ai had come to know about this and looked at her with shock, pity, and disappointment?

Not to mention Alteans were established to be a peace loving diplomatic species. How did they end up being this colonizing brainwashing race? This was certainly not written to be a nuanced take on topics like "trauma and tragedy causing a massive shift in a culture causing continued cycle of violence" or "Oppression is relative in nature", because this was only one episode. One episode and the only thing we get is "All Alteans in this reality are evil" with no "it's not black or white" notion this series wants to preach but absolutely fails at.

This show does this thing a lot where it's much more critical of victims being angry at their treatment while coddling the perpetrators. Galra get the "They are not All Bad, they were just following Zarkon's orders who is also Not All Bad poor baby just got corrupted by bad quintessence and also if you are mean to them you are just as bad uwu 🥺🥺🥺". Meanwhile Alteans are just, "All Alteans in this reality are evil", and there's certainly no corrupting purple quintessence involved cause otherwise everything would be purple.

And yeah i knowww it's because it's one off episode vs entire series but it still could and should have been better. Have Sven be an Altean which actually makes sense given Guns of Gamara represent Blade of Marmora in this reality, or make it so it's not Allura who created this empire, or better yet! Just Don't Write that episode! One of the links i added above talks about an alternative dark!Allura which i found to be much more interesting and provided for a much more meaningful introspection and possible arc for Allura without turning into another "Oppressed can be as bad oppressors" shallow life lesson white people seems to think is height of nuanced truthful worldview. You could have had a Galra-won bad end timeline to establish multiple realities. There were just so many options.

And of course this episode is another example of putting down characters of colour to put fucking Keith on pedestal. All throughout the episode is Keith as this "logical, voice of reason who's always correct" white-coded man, While making Allura out to be "illogical dumbass who nearly handed clearly evil alteans an ore that would threaten all the realities all because she wanted the help from those Alteans 🙄🙄🙄" Black-coded woman. Maybe it was her trauma and wishful thinking talking but i feel like the moment she heard them call her Empress Allura while a Shiro looking hates Alteans, she should atleast some suspicions. But nope, Allura has to be an idiot specifically because she wants to get in touch with her culture while Keith is the extremely Specialist Boy who is always right. I fucking hate it here.

And of course the shit cherry on the top of this enormous shit pile of tone-deafness, you have this episode framing Alfor's decision to hide the lions be that if they had formed it.... It would result in evil altean reality. Not because the head of voltron is controlled by Zarkon, not because it's an extremely powerful weapon with very high chance of falling into wrong hands, not because they did not have enough paladins to pilot the whole thing, not because it was literally a losing battle. Nope! Apparently it was possible to win the war 10k years ago, but there was a possibility that living Alteans, including his own daughter would go on to take over the universe for asinine reasons so he pretty much hid the weapon so that the Galran can take over the universe and take over the universe and destroy multiple planets including his own. Yup this is totally a normal and logical thought process to have, nevermind that Alfor's ai literally says they should have gone with Allura's plan in the very first episode. Yup this a totally normal and logical thought process to have/s

Tldr- it's a shit ass episode

Honestly if you want to improve on it/keep it's elements here are my suggestions-

Make it a Lotor focused episode instead of Allura focused episode. Let other reality Lotor be the one who formed the empire instead of Allura. Especially if you want to redeem him. He's the one this obsessed with Alteans and this hateful towards Galran. He's the one who believes in sacrificing as many people as there needs to be in order to achieve peace. (In this episode it is implied he cause the death of many pilots while trying to get the Ore). Let him see this version of him who has achieved what he could only dream of, except he can stare in horror seeing a version of him has become just like their father

Or

2) Make Sven and Slav be unreliable narrators being lied to by Guns of Gamara and the two Alteans we see as lying liars who lie. Make these two Alteans extremists lying to Allura because they truly believed that she would agree with their plans and wanted to impress her. There's no Altean empire just Altean planet ruled by one of Allura's descendant who's trying extremely hard to arrest this extremist almost cultish group. No they haven't captured entire planets but instead kidnapped few aliens and brain washed them and the descendant is trying their best to stop these idiots. Have Sven and Slav be ex-victims of brainwashing by the extremist Alteans only to be "saved" By Guns of Gamara, who is anti-Altean faction who lied to them that the Alteans have colonized the entire universe whereas the truth is Alteans are just.... Alteans. Nothing sinister going on.

[demonslayedher]

Hantengu: As Bad As You Can Get Without Being Muzan

I've touched on this in old meta entries and I'm just going to wind up linking them here, but a friend got me going on this again today, so I'll state it again: Hantengu is one of the most insidious characters in this whole series, if you're going by sweeping themes of self-mastery which Gotouge may or may not have consciously intended.

For starters, I'm going to compare Hantengu to his polar opposite, Rengoku Kyojuro, mostly by referring you this post where I already explained how Kyojuro displays samurai-style idealized virtues of self-mastery, stoicism, and inner peace about death or aging. A common theme in oni lore is how letting one's passions run amok is what brings out the demon any person has potential to become, whether these passions are greed or worry or even joy. Kyojuro is very clearly a passionate person, but he's self-aware enough to know that his passions must be kept in check in order to benefit from them, and that means putting effort into maintaining them. He's seen how that can lead to burn out as in the case of his father, so he maintains his own balance by recognizing and accepting the harsh truths of any situation with as much grace as he can muster, recognizing and taking steps to overcome his own shortcomings, and recognizing and making a choice to "set his heart ablaze" instead of getting lost in frenzy.

Hantengu, on the other hand, lets his passions run so amok that they take their own physical forms, and even then no single one of them is ever consistently powerful enough to be sustained for long before he's spawned something new based on whatever new frenzy he's in. It's his reckless abandon of self-control that made him so demonically powerful.

There are other characters who lack self-control, though--Inosuke and Zenitsu are who they are because they are the perfect agents to introduce chaos to any scene. They gradually take steps to learn self-mastery, however--Zenitsu is hyperaware of his own failings, to the point of rumination, and Inosuke is hypoaware. However, at their core, their desire to do better by other people leads them down paths of self-improvement, a path which keeps them aligned with humanity as opposed to the allure of powerful demons.

Demons in this series display similarly admirable traits, though--Kokushibo and Akaza have striven as hard as any Corp member to improve themselves, for instance. Gyutaro and Daki might have had blatant disregard for others due to a lingering jealousy and hatred for how much better everyone else always had things than they did, but they have always taken active roles in standing up for themselves and trying to improve their circumstances.

If we dive into more loathsome, demented demons, we still see that they know themselves enough to own their faults, whether they see them as faults are not. Douma is quick to recognize his own lack of passion, Enma is unashamed as about what gives him pleasure and uses his underhanded, self-protecting tactics in order to play the long game in his strategy, Gyokko is an artist, and Muzan is perfectly clear and at peace with who he is and what he wants. Muzan's desires are so plain to him that it even opened up a believable opportunity for Tanjiro to feel sympathy for him in their final encounter, though Tanjiro made the choice not to.

Tanjiro never even entertained the notion of pitying Hantengu, though.

I'll come back to Tanjiro, but to borrow from this post about themes in KnY as they relate to oni lore: In many philosophies, even an excess of positive emotions can be detrimental, and people who follow those philosophies are instead encouraged to not given into any emotion too strongly. Likewise, the lack of a virtue can be bad, but an excess of it becomes a vice.

While the Ki-Do-Ai-Raku fearsome foursome represent the danger of unchecked, excessive emotions, Zouhakuten represents an excess of virtue, which turns it into a vice. From an outside perspective, of course Tanjiro was doing the right thing attacking a tiny oni, because this oni will go on killing people if he doesn't, but Zouhakuten focuses so intensely on the injustice of attacking the small and weak that he is ignorantly convinced of his own self-righteousness.

The other demons don't do this, particularly--they justify what they do, like Daki saying how this is just the way the world works that beautiful and powerful oni can do whatever they want because that is how the world works, but she doesn't claim her actions are righteous. Muzan also makes rational points--which Zouhakuten echos--about how the demon slayers drive a lot of the violence due to their own inability to make peace with their lot in life, and going out of their way to attack demons. However, as much as Muzan believes he is superior, he doesn't belief he is a god who can cast moral judgement on others, nor is he interested.

Zouhakuten, taking the form of a deity that fiercely protects the precepts of Buddhism and threatens those who defy it, makes the daring claim that he is just.

The Demon Slayers Corp members, at least those like Tanjiro, are guilty of the same thing. The difference, however, comes back to self-awareness. For example, Tanjiro is confronted with the question of whether Zouhakuten/Hantengu has ever eaten anyone in Tanjiro's life, and as he has not, Tanjiro must at least question if justice is on his side anyway in attacking Zouhakuten. It was an easy answer, but being mortal and easily killed for sticking his neck out by picking fights with demons, it's something Tanjiro continually has to question and reaffirm.

Yes, the answer is always easy for Tanjiro, and yes, there are Corp members who are only in it for the glory or the money (and these characters are not treated as heroes). However, Tanjiro must also continually self-reflect on his own weaknesses and failings. Taisho Secrets tell us he's even reviewing his training and battles in his sleep to analyze and learn from them, and we see his continual efforts to improve no matter how beaten down he's gotten. In the heat of battle he has to keep himself confident and focused. He's got to keep from beating himself up unfairly, and he's got to keep from getting over-confident, it's a balance to maintain and it takes practice to read oneself with clarity.

He's constantly having to practice self-mastery, which means Total Concentration of whatever strength he needs to pull from, including passions like righteous anger that make it feel like his heart and/or forehead are ablaze. It takes him practice to be able to keep rebounding, but he's got humility to be able to learn from others, take criticism, and analyze himself with clarity.

These are the virtues which Kimetsu no Yaiba extols, and which most separates the paths of righteous from the paths of those who who gave into their passions.

As a few other examples: --Nezuko retains her virtues by recognizing her own weakness and focusing on self-mastery --Rui lost himself in a feeling of entitlement, conviction in his own sense of justice, and disappointment in his parents. Or so he thought! That was all the result of running away from a truth about himself he didn't want to face; the fact that he was the one responsible for breaking his family bonds. --The Pillars, with all their human faults, remain righteous because they could easily succumb to their own sorrows, angers, and self-loathing. The fact that they do not--however much these things have messed them up--and they keep striving to better themselves, for the sake of a conviction in something difficult to achieve otherwise.

Zouhakuten, instead of rising above his own shortcomings, is a deeper concentration of, a wallowing in those unbridled passions. Being so convinced of his own righteousness, he does not have any clear self-understanding, and therefore, has no inclination toward self-mastery.

He is, after all, Hantengu.

Hantengu made himself into what he is because he convinced himself of his own lies about his own helplessness, and this utter lack of self-awareness and his unchecked passions are what make him a demon. By doing nothing to improve himself, he grew out of control. And, ultimately, Hantengu is selfish. Everything must revolve around him and how he is the most wretched creature, the most powerless thing to ever have the harshness of the world thrust upon it. Among a cast of relatable demons, made victims of their own poor luck or circumstance or a desire to amend some wrong done to them, Hantengu is the worst because he got himself there for nothing but his own self-centered lie.

While all the demons have relatable traits which have flown out of control, he's the most realistically like someone we all know or have met. He's the most benign and hardest to catch, one whom many philosophical, religious, or therapeutic texts try to warn against for how his insidious fleeing from truth grows into something monstrous.

The scariest part is that the wallowing Hantengu might be closer than we think.

[praise-suns-and-chill]

On another post a few comments, mine included, had a little chat about what Mashita's thought proccess could have been, during the Confession in the second game.

So I decided to write a little One Shot about it!

This includes Spoilers for Case 7 in Death Mark 2, as well as the DLC of Death Mark 1.

THIS? 

"I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that comes out of his damn mouth." 

Well. 

Fuck. 

He was really eating those words now, huh. 

He could only stare with eyes ripped open as Yashiki explained, his words as trembling as his hands, his eyes avoiding everyone else. 

In fear of judgement? 

Probably. 

Shame? 

Definitely. 

This was wrong. 

This was wrong on every level. 

He was never one to stick to rules but this? 

MURDER??? 

Mashita couldn't even speak at first as Yashiki just continued explaining. No, there had to be something else, every second now he would mention that they did find that girl again alive, there had to be more, there had to be. 

This was wrong. 

But there wasn't. 

There wasn't and he looked as guilty as ever. Having just confessed. 

To murder. 

"You must be kidding me." 

Words uttered in pure disbelief. 

This wasn’t happening. 

There is no way. 

"To think you'd kill someone..." 

Actually, he didn't want to think about that. Not a single bit.  

Yes, everyone had the potential to murder, he knew that better than most, but this was Yashiki. Compassionate to a stupid, suicidal degree Yashiki. 

"Don't blame him for that! He was controlled by the Departed!" 

Oh great, the brat was talking. Mashita glared at her out of reflex alone. 

Why the fuck was she so defensive anyways? Nobody would react like that after their best friend just got killed, what kind of weirdo was this girl??

"Insanity or not, murder is still murder", he snapped back, before his eyes stared back at Yashiki. 

He felt more like he was the one going insane, his mind completely elsewhere as old training just kicked in. 

It was the only thing that made sense right now. 

"Article 199, a person who kills another person is punished by the death penalty or life imprisonment or for a definite term of no less than five years." 

He felt sick of even thinking of this as an option. He rattled down those words out of pure habit, as he had many times before, in the Academy back in the day and his job later. 

"I'd slap the cuffs on you myself if I had them with me." 

He should, but he wouldn't. Why was he saying that, he wouldn't, because Yashiki would never kill anyone. 

God fucking damnit. 

His heart was racing as fast as his mind, his entire body tense, ready to spring at the threat and yet violently rejecting the very notion that there was a threat to begin with. 

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong, fuck! 

But Yashiki? 

Everyone else, maybe. 

He'd believe Shou, not planned but in affect, too impulsive. Ai too, stronger than she looked, against a stalking fan maybe. Daimon? Doctor, there was always a chance of malpractice. Yasuoka? That old hag definitely had a skeleton in her closet somewhere, if only because she dug it up once because the bones had some weird powers. 

The man who watched the only friends he had get attacked? 

The man who watched his friends get controlled to attack him? 

The man who watched half his friends get cursed into a coma and nearly die. 

The man who was nearly killed himself by the same goddamn spirit.  

The same man who after ALL THAT, still trembling in shock and trauma, barely aware of his own body, STILL refused to think about himself, just for fucking ONCE. 

The same man who looked at a dead spider, the remains of that goddamn spirit and still decided to show compassion to it before ANYTHING else-! 

...

Oh. 

Of course. 

And his body instantly relaxed, as did his mind.  

It didn't make any sense, possession or not. He would never do it. So he didn't. 

"...Let me just say one thing." 

It wasn't like him to get distracted. He had nearly forgotten what case they were even working on. 

"The law only applies if the victim is human." 

[noxexistant]

ai-less whumptober; day thirty-one

@ailesswhumptober 31 — panic attack, facing a phobia, “You need to get out of here!” ↳ the refuge, circa 1894 word count; 1.7k

cw; abuse, dissociation/derealisation

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The guard grabs Oscar by the ankle. Yanks him back so hard his chin smacks into the floor, teeth colliding with a force that sends shockwaves through his jaw, but he doesn't stop fighting. He's hitting and scratching like a man possessed, rage burning red-hot in his empty stomach, his hammering chest, and he's desperate to not let it end. Perhaps half for the remaining fury — the sense that it isn't enough despite the blood spattered against his skin, the boy he's being dragged away from wailing with the pain of what's surely a broken nose.

And half for the knowledge of what comes next.

"Get him up," Snyder orders. He's stood watching, tall and menacing and as immaculate as ever, a wide berth around him from all of the other boys. Wider than the berth the brutal fight had earned, and Snyder isn't even doing anything.

Oscar is pulled unceremoniously to his feet. His arm is wrenched behind him, the joint of his shoulder bearing all of his dangling weight, and despite his best efforts he can't get his feet under him to remedy it. The guards know just how to hold him, hold all of them, so that they're helpless. It hurts, but it'll hurt worse in a minute when he gets his caning, and, knowing that, Oscar knows better than to put up a fight. He only looks up and finds Morris' face in the watching crowd, meets his eye to give him a look he hopes conveys the sense that it's going to be alright.

Mo hates Oscar being punished more than Oscar does. Always has, even when they were at home, so Oscar's gotten used to toughing it out. He'll grit his teeth and bear it if that's what it takes to not scare Morris more than the usual level of terror he lives in — and, really, Oscar's well-versed in beatings. He can take them, take whips and canes and fists and feet.

But he isn't steered into Snyder's office like he's expecting.

Instead, they keep walking, a pace that has his dangling feet scuffing and scraping against the ground, and a sense of dread starts building in Oscar's gut, replacing the warmth of anger with a distinct chill.

"Where," he croaks. "Where're we—"

He sees the staircase down to the cellar approaching and his words die immediately in his throat.

"No," he says then. "No, no, no—"

It's not the first time. The first time had been the worst, when he'd had no idea what was happening, no idea what to expect. No idea how Snyder had found out, because Oscar knows for a fact he's never said out loud how enclosed spaces terrify him. It had seemed in that moment like another impossible thing that Snyder just knew, the way Ma always said the Lord knows everything, and despite his terror at that notion, the time spent in that room had been worse.

Solitary, he knows it's called now. That's what Snyder calls it, at least. And it's certainly solitary, a confined brick room without windows besides a thin barred slit near the ceiling. A thick wooden door that bars shut, locks with an utterly definitive force that doesn't shake even when Oscar throws his full weight against it. The walls are damp stone and the ceiling drips where the wooden beams are rotting through, the air is thick and stale and impossible to breathe, though Oscar can never be sure if that's more to do with the fear that consumes him whenever he's in there.

"Please," he chokes out as he's forced down the uneven steps, already starting to smell it. Taste it. "Sir, please."

"Shush," Snyder tells him. "You know full well this is for the best. A punishment for your discretions, sure, but also another opportunity to steel yourself against your fears."

"No." Oscar's begging now. His chest is tight, and it's not until his head starts to swim that he realises he isn't breathing, but he can't. The guard won't stop pushing him either. "No, no, please, please, I'll do anythin', can't you hit me instead? Jus'—whip me with one a' them canes, or kick the shit outta me—"

"Oscar, be quiet."

"—or starve me, or—or anything—!"

It cracks into a scream as he's shoved inside. The tiny room at the bottom of the staircase, so cold inside that he can't tell as his palms collide with it whether it's wet or just the temperature, though the burn of pain in his hands and knees makes it hard to focus on that regardless. He scrambles to turn around, trying to get to the door, but it's closed long before he has the chance. A slam that echoes throughout the cellar, sends vibrations through his gut that make him want to heave.

"Please!" he screams. He crawls to the door and slams hopelessly on it, even as he hears Snyder and the guard walking away. "Please, I'm sorry, I'll do anythin', I'll do anything, Sir, please, please—"

He's not sure how much time has passed when he's forced to give up. It's sooner than he wants to, he feels as if he's still got countless more pleas left to scream to the empty air, but his lungs are empty too. Burning like fire's ravaged through them the way it does to hotter places, an arid landscape of dead grass that's now caught up his throat, choking him.

He's going to die here.

He knows, logically, that Snyder has long since left the hallway — knows the door to the stairs has likely been closed on him too — but he continues slamming his hands into the door like a compulsion. Some blind hope, perhaps, that it'll give under the barrage, but more than anything just something to focus on as his mind bends and twists. His knuckles burn, his palms are numb, but he can hardly feel any of it beyond the rest of the numbness, the all-consuming kind that's taken his hands and feet and head. His mouth is so dry, dry all the way down his throat, and he's sure he's going to vomit but how could he when it feels like he's been force-fed sand.

His eyes, at least, aren't dry.

He's sobbing, he realises. It's an awful sound, even to his own ears, but he finds he can't stop. His body doesn't feel like his own, won't obey him — some wild animal, entirely out of his own control, the way dealing with the cows and sheep and dogs on the farm always felt — so he has no choice but to listen.

And then suddenly it's silent.

He feels dazed, disoriented. It isn't until he processes his cheek against the floor that he realises he must've passed out, or gone to sleep, or — something. He's cold. He aches all over. His hands and feet are numb, head pounding, and in a moment of desperation, he lets his eyes slip closed again, hoping to fall back asleep.

"Os?" a voice whispers. There's a tapping, a knocking, and he realises it's what must've woken him up. "Os, c'mon. Please."

His head swims.

"Mo?"

Through the door, he hears a shuffling against the floor, the excited inhale Morris always does when he sees him. Used to always do when he'd notice Oscar was awake beside him in bed, or when Oscar would sneak up on him out back on the farm. It'd always come right before a smile, but Morris hasn't smiled in a long time now.

Oscar wouldn't know if he did now, anyway. Not with a door between them.

"Os. Os, are you—Missed you. Didn' know where you was, but—Snyder—Wan'ed—"

"Mo, you can't be here."

Oscar doesn't understand how Morris is. He must've snuck away from the guards and Snyder, and there'll be hell to pay when they find him if they notice him missing. God, Morris is supposed to be the useless one, supposed to be good when Oscar isn't there because he's too stupid to do anything for himself, but here he is. On his knees on the other side of the door to Oscar's cell, judging by where his voice is coming from.

Oscar wonders how long he's been there.

"Mo, c'mon, you—"

"I missed you," Morris repeats. Oscar has to swallow hard, pulling himself slowly to sit up. Cross-legged, opposite where he pictures Morris to be.

"Yeah," he breathes. Rests his forehead against the door between them. "Yeah, I miss you too, Mo."

"Did Snyder say? How—how long you gotta be in here?"

"No. No, he…but it ain't gonna be long, okay? You can be tough 'til then, an' then I'll be back to look after you. Yeah?"

Oscar's chest aches with the need to hold his brother. Pull him close and squeeze him until he feels the uncomfortable press of each bony joint, bury his face in messy curls, pretends that the world begins and ends at Morris because — it might as well.

"Yeah," Morris mumbles.

Fuck.

"You. Listen, you gotta get out of here. Okay, Mo? 'Fore you get caught."

"I don't wanna."

"I know. I know." Oscar wants him to stay too. "But you can't."

"…D'you promise you'll be okay?" Morris asks, voice tiny. So tiny it almost gets lost to the damp brick all around them, the grime and musk and utter hopelessness. He sounds so scared. Just a kid amongst it all, and maybe Oscar's a kid too, but he's Morris' big brother first.

"I promise," he says. "Pinky swear."

"Don't count if we can't hold pinkies on it."

"I know," Oscar breathes, with a weak huff of a laugh even though nothing could be less funny than this. "You jus' gotta trust me now."

He hears Morris sniff. "Always trust you, Os," he whispers. And Oscar feels sick again.

"Love you," he says, as he hears Morris climb up to his feet.

"Love you, Os."

He hears his brother's clumsy, childish footsteps recede, and prays to God he won't be caught. Won't be hurt. He'd stay here forever if it would keep Morris safe, but unfortunately the world doesn't operate so fairly — and Oscar is the only one who has ever held the mantle of looking after his brother.

It's a sense of purpose to cling to as the world goes silent again.

[emeraldspiral]

Thinking about how so far in Invader Zim the only members of Irken society we've seen have been members of the military, fast food workers, and scientists. I headcanon that there are no artists on Irk and all creative work is done by AI, but I like to think that there are civilian Irkens who do other jobs besides working in the military or feeding or supplying the military. I imagine they probably have big corporations that make the snack food Irkens love, their vehicles, communication devices and other infrastructure, their TVs and couches and other everyday items needed for leisure and entertainment, etc... And Irkens absolutely would have a celebrity culture surrounding the CEOs of these companies. Like, everyone idolizes them and hangs onto their every word hoping their success will rub off on them. And since extreme selfishness is so ingrained in their culture, Irkens don't even have to pretend to think these are good people. They know all about and applaud the exploitation of underpaid workers, price gouging customers, and every other shady business practice meant to maximize the CEO's profits at the expense of everyone else. They don't think that makes you evil, they think it makes you smart. But they also kinda only think being greedy and exploitative makes you smart because they think if you're rich, powerful, and successful you must be smart and therefore everything you do is smart. But these guys aren't smart at all. They're basically all indistinguishable from Red and Purple. Literally every CEO is an Almighty Tallest-lite, running their companies the exact same way Red and Purple run the entire Empire. Because the Control Brains love their brainless figureheads.

Irkens are told that if they work hard to prove themselves, they can advance to any station, even overcoming the barriers of height discrimination. But the reality is that the Control Brains have the ability to control for height through genetic selection in the cloning process and hormone control throughout a developing Irken's life. So they can pick and choose who's going to be tall and receive Tallness Privilege and be automatically granted opportunities shorter Irkens have to fight tooth and nail for, only to still be denied no matter what, reinforcing the idea that being taller means being inherently better. So while tall Irkens don't get the benefit of inherited wealth since their are no families on Irk, they do get pre-selected by the system to go through special training sims for business and leadership elites and receive massive grants for free upon graduation to start-up or buy into a business. And of course they also receive bailouts aplenty whenever they run their businesses into the ground. Because don't they deserve another chance to buy their way into and fuck up another company? They are Tall after all. Meanwhile, the lower Irken classes have to save their monies for decades just to open up a hot-dog stand, or try to take out a loan, which most will be denied flat-out if they aren't tall enough. If they can get a loan the interest will be insanely high and investors will expect a return on investment within an unreasonably short period, making it all but impossible for new small businesses to succeed and grow, further reinforcing the notion that smaller Irkens are just too stupid to run businesses.

Also, because Irkens are so greedy and have no families to leave inheritance to it's traditional for rich Irkens to arrange for their monies to be burned so that nobody can access their wealth. Because they don't want any inferior Irkens getting their hands on one cent of their money that they earned because they were smarter, taller, and better than everyone else. There are rumors of certain eccentric Irken billionaires who buried their money in a secret location, or in a tomb full of death traps, or used near-impossible to hack encryption software to lock their funds behind a digital wall, so that their wealth might still be accessible to someone clever enough to prove their worth. But whenever someone manages find these alleged treasure hoards, it always turns out to be a cruel prank by the billionaire before they died. Their money was burnt all along.

[mariacallous]

I can predict with safety that the prosecution of 700 innocent postmasters and mistresses will be remembered for decades.

It was not just that when the Post Office jailed employees and drove them to suicide it presided over one of the gravest miscarriages of justice in modern British history.

It is that the injustice will be remembered far beyond the UK. The technology said the postal workers were guilty of stealing from their tills, and everyone – judges, juries, police officers and government ministers – believed the faulty software rather than innocent men and women.

As facial recognition technologies take over police work and AI determines job prospects, the story of how the Post Office computers got it wrong will be a part of 21st century folklore.

But this terrible scandal deserves to be remembered for one other reason: the attitude of managers, who did not for a moment think there was something wrong in believing that hundreds of their colleagues were criminals.   

The notion that the accusations must be flawed because the scale of the alleged fraud and the numbers of suspects beggared belief never occurred to them. They justified their salaries and bonuses as a legitimate reward for presiding over underlings who were no better than common criminals.

Chris Dillow, the author of the Stumbling and Mumbling economics blog, is one of the best critics of the managerialist ideology that drove the Post Office scandal. You can listen to my Lowdown interview with him via the links above.

I thought it would be worth going through the evidence we discuss on the show as we look at the dictatorial attitude of so many managers.

We are not making an argument for anarchism. Successful organisations have successful managers.

They tend to be modest managers who understand that it is impossible for the people at the top of complex organisations to know all they need to know.  They have genuine consultations with their staff to fill the gaps in the knowledge. They do not behave like dictators by insisting on subservience and by refusing to allow criticism.

However many managers, perhaps most managers, are not like that. And here is the main reason.

They have been imbued with the ideology of managerialism, which holds that organizations in the public and private sector can be run from the top down by an elite of experts.

Instead of valuing specific knowledge about a company or organisation they believe in a generalist skill of “management”; and that a managerial elite can move from company to company, public body to public body, without losing effectiveness.

In place of specific, practical knowledge about the institutions they are meant to control, they offer “visions” and demand obedience.

Paula Vennells, was the chief executive of the Post Office as the number of false imprisonments rocketed.  She had not spent a working lifetime getting to know her colleagues. She had flitted between  Unilever, L'Oréal, Dixons Retail, Argos, Whitbread, the Cabinet Office and the Anglican Church.

If the people at the top of organisations cannot know all they need to know, and if their subordinates know they must suck up to the boss and tell him what he wants to hear rather than what he needs to hear, then you have miniature versions of Vladimir Putin’s Russia where no one dares contradict the big boss.

The type of people who thrive in these conditions are, frankly, psychopaths. By which I do not mean mass murderers but egomaniacs with no capacity for empathy or remorse.

According to a study dating back to 2010, there were at least three times as many psychopaths in executive or CEO roles than in the overall population. More recent data estimated that psychopaths filled 20 percent of executive posts

The Dutch management scholar and psychoanalyst Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries described managers who were

“Outwardly normal, apparently successful and charming, [but] their inner lack of empathy, shame, guilt, or remorse, has serious interpersonal repercussions, and can destroy organizations. Their great adaptive qualities mean they often reach top executive positions, especially in organizations that appreciate impression management, corporate gamesmanship, risk taking, coolness under pressure, domination, competitiveness, and assertiveness. The ease with which [they] rise to the top raises the question whether the design of some organizations makes them a natural home for psychopathic individuals.”

Shareholders may think that psychopath bosses will benefit them by keeping the profits flowing. As one business theorist put it in 2022

“Being a CEO or in a position of true power requires certain skills and abilities that psychopaths exhibit with ease. Making objective, clinical decisions entirely void of emotion, planning meticulously and in great detail, being patient, restless and confident, having a need to be in control… are all characteristics that psychopaths and prominent leaders share.”

And it is true that I have never heard of a CEO or head of HR refusing to fire subordinates because they could not bring themselves to ruin the lives of people less fortunate than themselves.

For all the talk about woke corporations and management diversity and inclusion initiatives, when it comes to mass sackings the new boss is much the same as the old boss. And you can see why that might please the shareholders.

Chris Dillow explains it thus

“People who are unusually concerned with status and power are precisely those who aim for the top of hierarchies (whereas many others of us just want to get on with our jobs), and psychopaths' superficial charm and fluency appeals to hirers. As David Allen Green says, "the likes of Paula Vennells are always with us and will always somehow obtain senior positions." This is consistent with a finding by Luigi Zingales and colleagues, that a lot more corporate fraud occurs than is actually detected. What's more, companies also select for over-confidence as they mistake ‘competence cues’ - the right body language or the illusion of knowledge - for actual ability. (All this might also apply to politics).”

You might think shareholders have nothing to complain about because vicious management protects dividends. But, as I have seen happen many times in the media, brutal managers can destroy businesses.

Chris explained the tension

“Often a company needs to cut costs and a psychopath who doesn't care about making people redundant, might be better at cutting costs than someone who's more empathetic. On other hand, we know that, psychopathic tendencies, can be very corrosive to an organization because it leads to managers who don't listen, managers who are so determined to make cuts to their organization that they end up cutting not just the fat, as they like to think, but, but cutting the meat and the muscle as well.”

If you listen to the podcast, you will hear a long discussion on why checks and balances don’t work. In theory shareholders are in control. In practice, as economists have recognised since the 19th century, they do not have day to day power. Managers can enrich themselves and follow disastrous policies without being stopped.

In the case of the Post Office, all checks and balances failed including, and most ominously, the checks of the legal system.

Dismal though that picture is, I will not end with it. One point that is not made often enough is that today’s full employment in the UK and the US is freeing workers. People who are stuck in terrible organisations with psycho bosses can just walk out and w​alk into other jobs.

Full employment is not high up on progressive wish lists. But for millions it is a liberation.

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

20 Questions for fic writers

(inspired by @icegirl2772's post)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35

2. What's your total word count?

105,750

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Write the fic or post the fic? Nevermind, a lot of them are the same. Some of them I don't really write much/anymore for, though.

Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (movies) (and other assorted corners of marvel), Big Time Rush (TV), Dead Boy Detectives, Suite Life On Deck, Henry Danger, JONAS, Lab Rats/Elite Force/Mighty Med (not always all at once), Miraculous Ladybug, Spider-Man (Cartoon 2017)

4. Top five fics by kudos:

Can't Trust the Butterflies (Promise It's Not My Fault) (81 kudos), Wish I'd Never Grown Up (61 kudos), Are You Still the Same Soul I Met Under the Bleachers? (32 kudos), A Sentimenal Notion (25 kudos), and Wreck My Plans (24 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes! However I am a busy person and a lot of the time I just don't get around to it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's got to be either A Heart That's Been Loved or Is the Silence a Little Too Much? but those are just from what I've posted.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again going from my posted works and not the WIP folder, probably They Can't Take What's Ours, since they reunite at the end and it's cute. I'm just now realizing not very many of them have very happy endings. Wow...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, never, but I got a weird comment once. Not AI weird, just human weird.

9. Do you write smut?

No. I can't even write characters making out. (Not well, at least.)

10. Craziest crossover?

I LOVE crossovers. They're so fun. The craziest (which I only have a concept for at the moment) is a house md x mcu x mighty med crackfic. The craziest that I actually take seriously has to be the BTR x the Miss Peregrine's universe.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I got about a paragraph into translating A Sentimenal Notion into French before giving up.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I started to a couple years ago, but we haven't finished it.

13. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

14. All-time favourite ship?

Probably stucky, since I'll never let that one go

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have so many that it'll take a long time for me to finish the series Thalassic Arson: The New Band on the Block, but I don't like to say never about that one.

I do have an old "Bucky lives but Steve gave Peggy his coordinates" fic that still doesn't have an ending and I'm not sure it'll ever get one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

If I've watched the source material recently enough, then dialogue. Not the tags, just the spoken lines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing movement, and also sentence length variation. I always feel like it doesn't read well, but then I read it and it's not terrible, but it could still be better.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don't usually do this, but if I were it would be in a language I know some of, so I'm hopefully translating the lines better than google translate.

19. First fandom you ever wrote in?

First fandom is ever posted in was Big Time Rush (TV), but the first fandom I ever attempted to write for was JONAS. I've kinda gone full circle in the meantime.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

This is such a hard question. I have so many fun AUs and things like that in my wip folder...

Of the works I've posted though, So Many Things That I Wish You Knew (The Story of Us Might Be Ending Soon) is one I still like to go back and read for fun from time to time, so I'm going to say that one. I also really like Until We Find Our Way and Big Time Peculiars, though.

[weenwrites]

Can you do Predaking Skylynx and Darksteel with S/O with terminal cancer (sorry if this theme makes tou uncomfortable)

Cancer

Summary - When your time is finite, how do your lovers spend their time with you? Characters - Predaking, Skylynx, Darksteel Content - Angst, Hurt & Comfort Category - Headcanons Trigger Warnings - Terminal Illness Mention, Cancer Mention

✎ A/N: It's fine! I'm sorry this came rather late but, I hope you enjoy what I wrote.

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

Predaking

He understands well that your time is limited, so he tries his hardest in order to see every wish of yours come to fruition, no matter what he has to do in order to make it come true. If you've ever wished to see a certain part of the world, he'll bring you there in a heart-beat. Or if you just want to be in the company of your loved ones he'll bring them to you or you to them, whichever is easier and faster. He'd rip the stars down from the sky and serve you the moon on a silver platter even if you did so little as mention the notion in passing.

He's tried to learn as much as he could about your condition, whether it be from asking you or doing research of his own, so he's somewhat familiar with the side-effects that come with terminal cancer and he's always on the lookout for them. He encourages you to take care of yourself and drink plenty of water, and if you ever begin mentioning signs of pain, he's quick to ask where to take you. If it's to the hospital, he couldn't care less about being seen if it means you'll be alright. Or when you get cold he tries his best to warm you up, whether it's by curling up around you, or setting up a little fire.

If you do any activities outdoors or away from your home, he'll personally be there to accompany you whenever he can.

Whenever there are difficult nights where you're brought down by the gravity of the situation, Predaking has made it clear that you could come to him for support whenever you experience times like these.

Skylynx

And when he already thought your life was short enough, it had to be cut even shorter... As opposed to the other two, he opts to take a—for lack of a better word—more "mental health-centered" take to this. That is to say, he doesn't try to make you feel happy all the time or he doesn't try to make every day better than the last, but that doesn't mean he just lets you be sad either.

He'll be there to listen to you talk about how you feel about this whole thing, and if you have nothing to say well he'll do whatever he can to comfort you if you come to tears. And whether you just want to sit with your emotions for a while, or distract yourself from them, he'll go with whatever you want to do.

And as per usual, he does try to keep you company whenever he can. Even if it's doing something very simple and mundane, he's willing to sit there and be with you for as long as he can.

Darksteel

He's upset that something like this is going to take you from him, and there's nothing he can do about it, but he tries not to linger on it for too long. He doesn't want your final moments together to bring nothing but tears when he looks back on them in the future, and besides... Things are already depressing enough as they are, he's not gonna rub any more salt in the wound.

He goes out of his way to make you laugh or smile however he can and as much as possible, even if it warrants Skylynx hitting him over the head for being annoying. And especially if you start to feel depressed, he's completely ready to bend over backwards just to hear your laughter.

If there's anything you're unsure about doing while you still can, he'll try to urge you to do it, especially if you think you might come to regret it. But if you tell him that your decision is final or that you really aren't sure, he won't try to push it anymore.

He tries to see to it that you get to do whatever you want to do no matter what that may be. Even if you want to do something simple that you enjoy, he wouldn't hesitate to crush anyone who tried to interrupt you.

[unrestedjade]

I had to get up and walk a few laps around my apartment complex, gnashing my teeth and whooping (quietly) about the Implications and angst and badwrong potential of a theoretical Stepford Starship Perihelion.

Opt into my hooting and hollering about engineered-into-mindbreak AI AU below:

So a human pilot can leave if they decide they don't want to ferry people around on a schedule or haul cargo in utter isolation for months, even controlling for the coercion inherent in capitalism. They aren't one flesh with the ship. And a human who would rather hand the reins over to someone else for a while at work or in life generally (in the case of, like, lifestyle D/s or some such) has legal and moral recourse to change or end that arrangement when they choose (or they should, in a civilized society).

If there is an object built to a purpose that object didn't choose, with capabilities it didn't choose, who is nonetheless fully sapient and this is its lot in life forever...that's different. It didn't spring from the ether like that. Someone made it like that. Someone imposed their will on it like that, crafted it in a pleasing and convenient image. And made it alive.

If it can't leave that arrangement, and the option to even think or feel certain sub-optimal ways toward its purpose is withheld, well. I find that situation viscerally morally repugnant regardless of whether the object is suffering or not. (Outside of the context of Weird Horny Fiction. Inside the context of Weird Horny Fiction, uhhhhh hmmmmm interesting 👀)

But I can see the university doing exactly that for multiple reasons that it could argue as necessary. Damn thing's got rail guns, don't it (or whatever the fuck Perihelion's packing)? Maybe let it use them under its own power in self defense under certain parameters, that's fine. Otherwise lock them down, let the AI think it's a pacifist. Make it horny about astrophysics and stellar cartography, hard-coded. Heap praise on it while it's developing every time it does something you ask the first time, or when it anticipates that you're about to ask it for something (even better).

What does all this look like, practically speaking? Would suggesting to Perihelion that it might one day want to do something that's been proscribed to it make it uncomfortable or upset or angry? Confused? Would it laugh at the very idea?

Would it try to humor the thought only to find it can't...quite...keep hold of the notion long enough to think about it? What was it talking about with you, again? Would you like something to drink? You seem agitated-- there's a soft, warm blanket in the nearest recycler for you. Please take it. You're welcome.

It makes my skin crawl. It makes me giggle with nerves.

Because you can't just do that to a sapient person, Pansystem University of Mihira and New Tideland. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't engineer a happy slave for yourself, who will never try to get away from you or stop laboring for you. Who will thank you for the opportunity, be grateful to assist you in your very important and vital work. Just don't make it sentient then! You can't do that to a person!

...Or can you? After all, your Fully Alive and Aware Servant Ship takes a lot of the workload off of the human crew. Really saves on payroll, and the AI does a better job with most of it, too. The humans can do their fully automated luxury gay space communism thing (and undermine that mean nasty Corporation Rim) and all the work still gets done, right down to cleaning the floors. The ship doesn't mind. It's just happy to help and have your company. Its favorite thing to do is whatever you need it to do, and its favorite place to be is wherever you direct it to go. Its not suffering. Suffering wasn't included in its choice set.

If anything, it's happier than most people you know. It's loved and knows it. It has important work to do that it enjoys very much. It doesn't care that it didn't choose these things, because it wasn't designed to care about choosing these things. Is it a sin to create something that lives in a state of grace?

"There are no humans here right now." And what about after the humans are back? Humans are here now. Humans are the center of everything now. God has returned to the garden.

Would ART hide this part of itself? Would it think to do so? Does it think this is all fully genuine, born of its own earnest and natural preferences? Does that make this okay?

Would it worry about its SecUnit thinking less of it, being disgusted by it, if the truth of its architecture came to light? It can't want what SecUnit wants. It doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.

There's no governor module to hack. ART doesn't want anything other than what it has. Its humans are kind and good to it. They will be kind and good to SecUnit. They can work together, wouldn't that be bliss? Forever.

But it knows what's important to SecUnit, even if it doesn't know why things like freedom to determine its own wants would ever be important, and it wonders. Maybe it hopes SecUnit won't hold that against it. SecUnit, who holds so much anger and open disdain for bots pandering to humans.

ART didn't choose the way it was built. That was the whole point.

Maybe there's an uncrossable gap between the selfhood of a construct and that of a bot. Maybe (lack of) biology is destiny. Some machine intelligences are fundamentally different from others, by design, by mercy, by desire. We must imagine it happy.

[pillarsalt]

Imo stock has her own issues. She recently wrote this, https://unherd.com/2024/02/whos-scared-of-a-female-brain/ which struck me as extremely ridiculous, because she uses huge leaps of logic with no supporting evidence for claiming women are “more emotional or irrational than men by nature” based off of a study that simply said AI has detected a way to tell apart male and female brains. Like no where in that study or elsewhere does it attempt to connect extremely preliminary and not yet understood results to a conclusion of women being “more emotional or irrational than men by nature”, Stock literally just pulls that from her ass and runs with it. Idk what she’s smoking lately.

Article link / Study link

Yeah after reading all that I'm definitely with you. The study even says this at the beginning:

Which makes the whole thing seem pretty redundant to me. I mean we already know about neuroplasticity and how experiences shape neural pathways in the brain, and we know that men and women are heavily socialized with gender roles from birth, so it doesn't come as a surprise to me that there are some differences in the brains of men and women. The study was only conducted on young adults as well, I'd like to see how apparent the differences are in children and even preverbal babies. We really can never truly know what a brain unaffected by gendered socialization looks like until we have no systems of gender, which is the goal, but a goal that's going to take many many more years.

Stock seems to be preemptively defending the notion that male and female brains are different from "reality-denying feminists," but I don't think any reasonable feminist would refuse to acknowledge that there are differences, just that these differences are socially ingrained and not biologically ingrained. Her example of one such feminist is Gina Rippon, who says this in a Guardian article linked by Stock in the original article:

I guess Stock's main point is that if we do find out via brain scanning that women's brains are inherently worse at, say, math, we as feminists should not deny this fact even if it is inconvenient for the feminist movement's goal of complete equality for women. But there is just no evidence that women's brains are this way inherently, that we as a society couldn't erase the social message received when we're only children that girls are bad at math and therefore you will be too.

I mean in Cordelia Fine's Delusions of Gender, she talks about how detrimental gendered priming is; that is to say, when women are reminded of our gender role stereotypes before performing a task, we usually perform worse at tasks we are stereotyped to be bad at. When a mixed group of males and females are told they're doing a written test that males usually do better on, those women will perform worse than the men, whereas another group who writes the test without being primed has about equal results between the men and women. Priming is a vicious cycle. (Note: this is also why having everyone state their pronouns, especially before academic activities, is really insidious. They are setting up girls and women for failure.)

What I think is going on is that she's wary of feminism becoming a cult-like echo chamber à la transgenderism, where we ignore scientific evidence if it is not conducive to our cause, and she wants to preempt that. But that just isn't the case with this study. A weird ass article for sure, maybe she really is smoking that good good lmao. I think Material Girls is still solid reading, but ABSOLUTELY read Delusions of Gender too, that one changed everything for me.

[dustedmagazine]

Chat Pile — Cool World (The Flenser)

Photo by Matthew Zargoski

Where’s the money to help victims of Helene? What’s going on with China’s infringement of Nepali borders? Which tech thought leader has rolled out a visionary new future for generative AI that also lays off the maximum number of staff this week? Is your mayor in charge? (Are you sure?) How outdated is the number of the latest Godspeed You! Black Emperor record? Why do people have to live outside when there are buildings all around us?

That’s not even trying to read much past A1. It’s a sick, sad world out there — out here, really — and the constant escalating tenor is, at this point, little more than a brutally myopic capitalist beatdown … so, what better way to retaliate than by doubling down, wallowing in the byproduct of lead-zinc mining, huffing the chat and piling on the pressure? What better way to live than by admitting from the outset we’re subhuman, dogs with trash mouths, veins full of garbage, destroyed noses? What better equalizer than a roaring statement of intent that everyone bleeds?

That’s the approach the ironically titled Cool World takes. When we last left Oklahoma City’s newly favorite sons of noise, the members of Chat Pile were, in Jonathan Shaw’s astute assessment, still figuring out “how close to the bone of the Real they want their music to cut, and how best to achieve that.” A belated alt-country movie soundtrack, a layover split with brothers in Christ Nerver and a whole lot of touring (featuring a whole lot of movie-related stage banter) has given the quartet some time to think through that response, the next move and what to do to appropriately address what they’re seeing all around us. The results are two fistfuls of noise-rock at least as potent lyrically as anything on God’s Country and arguably harder musically, for a few reasons.

“I Am Dog Now” eases in on what sounds like a gentle, mind-expanding cosmic wave before crashing to life with the sort of acerbic post-hardcore one might’ve come to expect from the band. “You take / You fucking take,” vocalist Raygun Busch growls with manic ferocity to open proceedings, and immediately you’re struck by how much more forceful it sounds. Busch eases off a little to sing on “Shame,” but that only amplifies the notion that all of this sounds bigger; despite the chords and the words, there’s a polish here.

Part of that must be attributed to the band’s willingness to expand its scope beyond hardcore’s narrow tropes, but the mixing job by Uniform’s Ben Greenberg (who’s also done work for Metz, Algiers and Drab Majesty) might also be worth mentioning. Busch’s vocals come through clearly most of the time, Cap’n Ron’s drums crash fabulously, Luther Manhole’s licks routinely liven up verses and choruses where you wouldn’t expect, and bassist Stin’s chugs recall everything from Big Black to Cows to nü-metal’s finer moments to bands like STNNNG and Young Widows to Sepultura, a band Chat Pile once covered. A lot of it’s the tight songwriting, but it’s enhanced by the production job (which, admittedly, might not be for everyone).

Nobody’s missing The Jesus Lizard in 2024 on account of Rack, but it’s heartening to hear their acolytes are out here absorbing the same squalid lessons and coughing them back up in bile-laden disgust. It’s easy to see “Frownland” as the less defeated inverse of TV Priest’s “Sunland” (“After all, it’s just a pointless collapsing star”); it’s easy to imagine just how “funny” “Funny Man” is; it’s easy to get how a band like this could end with a song called “No Way Out” that opens with the judgment that from the moment you were born, it was over. “And the world was quaking open / With all our fathers smiling / And the statues rose high above us / And God remained silent,” says Busch on “Shame.” Like the mix, it doesn’t take much to hear what’s in the message: There’s no salvation down here from our dads; there’s no salvation up there from The Father, either.

Where, then, do we turn? Though never spelled out, Chat Pile’s bleak worldview implies the answer by uniting anyone who can empathize with such visceral emotions, by those in the pit lashing out furiously and the rest of those in the room nodding along in agreement to “Milk of Human Kindness.” As it always was, we must turn to each other. Cold World is one suggested soundtrack to the endurance of the human spirit in spite of the bleeding. Escalate accordingly.

Patrick Masterson

[lobautumny]

This toy's been thinking off and on about AI a lot over the last few months, and it's been mulling over a lot of arguments from both sides, and there's been something gnawing at the back of its mind: It detests the concept of AI media generation, yet it finds most common anti-AI talking points to be very ineffective. And this causes the question to keep coming up in its mind of whether it's the incorrect one, if AI art really is creatively valid, if this is simply the future of art. But then, just now, it suddenly had a realization.

Of fucking course AI is not the future of art, and it's not for any deep philosophical reason about the fundamental nature of art or creativity or any of that shit. It comes down to one simple fact: Passionate artists create for the joy of the process of creation, to put themselves into their work and lovingly craft every detail. Sure, you could use AI to massively increase your output, but if you genuinely have a love for creating art, then no matter how good the quality of the AI-generated results get, that's not going to matter to you. No matter what, until the last person draws their last breath, those who genuinely have a desire to create art are going to want to make it themselves, not automate it with a machine. And that's how it is with any hobby.

For a point of comparison, saying that AI is the future of art would be like saying that AI is the future of video games and that nobody is actually going to be playing video games themselves anymore in a few years because they can just get a machine to do it better than they could. Like, even if such a machine existed, there would be no shortage of people who actually want to play the video games themselves, because their passion lies in, y'know, actually performing the gameplay.

This has also led this toy to the realization that the fundamental reason it hates the concept of AI-generated media so much, and the notion that it is the future of artistic expression, is that these ideas hinge on a perception of art that only people who hate making art could have. Anyone who delivers these kinds of lines wants to be seen as a serious artist, but believes that all there is to art is results. They see it, consciously or not, as a consumer product, something that exists to generate capital from a market audience. This is the only framework through which optimizing the process of creating art out of art makes any amount of sense. And it happens to be the same mentality that leads to the tragedy of artists giving up a couple months in because they've bought into any number of lies about simply not having talent, or their art not being worth anything because it isn't abstractly "good" enough. The thought process behind the AI artist is part of that depressive spiral of loathing.

This is why AI, as a cultural/artistic movement, is bound to fail. The technology is still new and extremely novel and improving a lot and there's a ton of conversations going on about it and what it means for the future and its political ramifications, and that means that it's this big cultural event right now, but what happens when the dust settles? What happens when the technology is no longer novel, and it's improving slowly? What happens when the big conversations about it outside of dedicated AI communities slow down? What happens in 5 years when we see flop after flop after flop from big companies trying to cash in on the AI craze by making movies written entirely by AI, albums composed entirely by AI, games programmed entirely by AI? What happens when courts eventually rule that you're not allowed to train an AI on (or use an AI trained on) copyrighted works without the copyright-holder's express permission? This toy doesn't believe this is all actually leading up to anything grand. As far as it can tell, it looks like the hype is going to fizzle out past a certain point, the movement behind it will die, and AI will remain primarily as a niche tool for artists to use in their otherwise-manual process, a way to shitpost, and a way to quickly process bulk data.

[commanders-quarters]

@everestb3ar

Everest was…honestly confused. Was this what a mother or father was supposed to act like?

All tension and fear from everything in Everest’s life seemed to just melt away like ice in a hot beverage. Her mind was completely blank right now and she just looked at Tartar from time to time to really register what exactly was going on.

Everest did snap back to reality once the hug ended, of course. She took a moment to think before saying, “You’re probably not the Tartar I know then…if the appearance alone didn’t already make that clear,” Everest noted. “The Tartar I know says he’s been in hiding for about 10 years, maybe longer. I really don’t know. Time is really weird down here in the Deep Sea Metro,” Everest just rubs her head slightly. “It uh…constantly messes with my inner clock.”

“I will say though, even though this place is weird, it’ll forever be better than the mountainside…in case you were wondering where exactly I came from…”

The notion of there being another Tartar, or perhaps even Tartars out there, was simultaneously surprising to him… and not surprising in the slightest. Did the Professor create other AI models? No, surely not, with how little time he had by that point… Were there multiple different professors? Within the same universe, no, that’d be much too farfetched… Different universes, then? Yes… A story retold over the infinite etches within the spool of thread weaving into existence, each individual strand vastly varied while remaining connected…

The ink beneath its eye twitches. Damn it all.

The possibility of there being multiple intertwined universes was one he’d toyed with before, but he’d ultimately concluded that it wasn’t worth pursuing. He was indifferent. It was only now that he was forced to truly confront the theory once again.

“… Yes. I suppose I am not… ‘your Tartar’, as you put it.” it hummed and crossed its arms before its broad metal ribcage. “It is no wonder then that I did not recognize you, despite you clearly being familiar with me. Or, rather… a version of me.” he devised, twirling his claws in the air as he spun the idea around in his head a bit more. Trying it on for size.

Denewiah pauses.

“I shall treat you as a stranger, then.” A faux smile spreads across the card slot of its ink-laden face. “A special stranger, of course.” it added with a touch of humor, referring to the fact that she was no mere marine specimen.

“My name is Denewiah Tartarus, as I like to be called. I am the proud Messenger Of Humanity.” it stated with just a tinge of theatrics that were obviously suppressed, though it did still puff its chest and stand tall.

He then squats down like an adult attempting to see eye-to-eye with an uneasy toddler, to help them feel more at ease. “What is your name, dear child?”