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damagdsnow · 10 months ago

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Fix my reputation

Pairing: young!Coriolanus Snow x fem!reader

Summary: You and Coryo are together for mutual benefits, he needs a well known woman by his side to look vulnerable and loving during the presidential elections and you need your reputation to be fixed after your unforgivable scandal.

Tag: fake dating, slow burn, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, manipulative/soft Snow, strong and independent reader (as she should), fluff, angst, power play, smut, fingering, thigh riding, switching sub/dom, degradation, denied orgasm, piv, dirty talk, overstimulation, oral (fem/male receiving), praise

Chapter 1, chapter 2;

aesthetic chapter one, aesthetic chapter two;

Tw: Snow being Snow, mention of alcohol, panic/anxiety attack, mention of blood, mention of parent death, physical aggression (not detailed and not from Snow)

Word count: 11.3k

note: before reading this I recommend you to read the first chapter here. Also, thank you so much for all the love and support on chapter one I didn’t expect all of this, I love you guys ❤️

He is the forbidden fruit, I shall not fall in temptation.

The first time you had met Coriolanus was when Dr. Gaul had announced he was going to be her apprentice Gamemaker during the next Hunger Games.

At that time, you got a job as a health advisor, essentially you monitored tributes' vital signs and whether they were injured, you formulated unique medicine so mentors and sponsors could help their favorites heal faster and be a step ahead of the others. You were used to stitch wounds, examining patients, making prescriptions. This was a whole new thing to you. Dr. Gaul said to you that you were one of the most qualified doctors in that department, this is the reason why she pressured you to ‘amaze’ her.

”When I read your qualifications I was shocked to learn you were looking for employment,” was the first thing Dr. Gaul said to you when she requested to meet you.

You were in her laboratory, a bright room filled with gruesome creatures, dead and alive. She was standing in front of you, with her voluminous curly hair and her reddish long tunic, while she was feeding some sorta of genetically modified fish.

“I was looking for some thrilling experience,” you started fidgeting your fingers, “making me useful for the good of Panem.”

You practiced saying these words many times before meeting her, what were you supposed to say? That you desperately needed a job? That as soon as you found another position you would quit immediately?

”Your idea to formulate a drug that would help tributes in the arena?” With a long tweezer she dropped a pink cube in the small pool, ”so original,” she smiled while feeding the fishes with more cubes.

“You know what it means right? The games will last longer, people spending money on their helpless and injured tributes, mentors fighting to get the best sponsor,” she continued, her icy eyes were staring at you, “this is going to revolutionise the games.”

“I’m glad you liked my proposal,” you looked down, wondering if it was better to make eye contact with her or watch those horrific creatures with long fangs and thorny tails.

“Liked? I absolutely adore your way of thinking,” she put the tweezer back on a metal tray. “No one was able to surprise me since–” she paused and you looked back at her, ”do you know Coriolanus Snow? You two would get along well.”

At that time you wondered who he could be. Coriolanus Snow? His name sounded familiar to you. Only when Dr. Gaul introduced him to the department as an apprentice, you recognised his face.

You both graduated from the Academy, he was just a year older than you, and during the tenth annual Hunger Games his name was popular amongst students. Even though you went to the same school, you had never talked to him. Until a couple of months before the reaping, Dr. Gaul let you and other members work in her lab to do research. Of course he was there too, and chance had it that you were paired up with Coriolanus, sharing the same desk in the library section.

You could see him sitting opposite to you, his side was impressively tidy, just a black leather notepad and a book. Your half was full of microbiology volumes, agar plates and creased post-it. Coriolanus was too focused on his writing that he never gazed over you, on the other hand you were distracted by his presence. You remembered him differently in the Academy, his hair was slightly longer than before, his facial features were more defined, but the same cold aura surrounded him.

You felt kinda intimidated by him.

You’ve heard colleagues saying how brilliant he was: he won the Plinth prize in his senior year, he graduated with honors at advanced military strategies and he now had a high position as the right hand man of the pretentious Head Gamemaker.

He intrigued you.

You thought you were not the smartest person in the room. There was something in him, probably his confident behaviour while he was writing on his notebook, as if he was superior to you. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, you thought of ways to start a conversation, not a small talk, but something smart to impress him.

Your heart was beating fast and you finally figured what to say, “Mr. Snow I found a better technique for–“

“What makes you think you can talk to me?” He cut you off while still writing in his notebook.

His words stunned you. The conversation you imagined in your head was now gone, what could you say at this point? “I just wanted–” you stuttered

“Don’t bother, I don’t want to know.”

Your admiration for him slowly faded each day. The way he corrected you every time you had a proposal, pointing out your mistakes in front of everyone, or when he made you work till night in the laboratory to perfectionate your research. You tolerated that, you were used to hard work and mean teachers in your university years, but sometimes he didn’t even show the slightest remorse on things he would say about the districts. About you, indirectly.

Every year on reaping day you thought that it could have been you. Your name in that little piece of paper, read out loud changing your destiny. If it wasn’t for your father’s role in the Dark Days, you could have been in that arena yourself, instead of having the privilege to control tributes’ lives in a cozy chair.

Your dad was an engineer, more a genius mastermind who designed and built high tech weapons. Specifically incendiary bombs, which were crucial to stop the rebels from invading the Capitol during the last year of the war. The project was so successful that he obtained an honorary medal from President Ravenstill himself. He was able to buy a place in the Capitol, for the only purpose to give you and your sister a better future, and you actually lived in luxury compared to your old life back in the districts. However, your father did not side with the president’s political view, still he had to conform to it or he would probably be considered a rebel.

He played the game, to stay alive. Until he was not part of that show anymore.

“I only did it for you and Darla, I don’t care about heavens or hell. As long as my family is safe, I regret nothing of the atrocities I’ve done,” were the words your father wrote to you in a letter, before being killed.

They had never been clear about the dynamics of his homicide, but you were sure it was not an incident as someone would say. The Capitol killed him, they took your dad away from you, the only person you admired, that never let you down.

Your blood was from the districts, even if you’ve lived all your life in the Capitol, you couldn’t change your origins. Coriolanus reminded you of that, with his despicable comments about how ‘horrible and disgusting’ the people from the districts were. As if you didn’t exist to him, you were not a person from his perspective. But he did not know that, no one knew you were not from the Capitol, it was only written on your official documents.

“The games are meant to remind us all who we truly are,” was something Coriolanus often said, bullshit you thought, for you the Games were an insult to humanity and civilisation, cruel entertainment for empty people.

Coriolanus Snow, such a brilliant mind but wicked thoughts.

At the same time, you were not better than him. You worked for the Head Gamemaker and indirectly supported the unnatural destiny of those children. It was easier blaming the government, the bad guys, than admitting to be part of the corrupted system you truly despised. Your excuse was that you had no choice, and partially it was true, but can money win over your beliefs? Were you so desperate to bend your morality just not to be jobless and not respectable? You were acting as your father: were you a fighter or survivor?

Little did you know that your worst nightmares were going to haunt you soon. After the incident you were unemployed, with a bad reputation and with a man you hated.

Check, check, check.

You woke up at lunch time for the third day in a row, it was like being a child again. But there wasn’t your mom taking care of you, your dad making your favorite dish or your big sister spoiling you with presents. You couldn’t ignore your responsibilities and let the adults do the big things for you. You were the adult now, but if you kept self destroying your life this way, it was like everything you’ve done vanished away. Giving up was not an option, or to put things clear, it was the easier possibility amongst the other challenging beginnings.

One of these included him.

Coriolanus was not a beginning, he was more like someone you bump into when you are in a rush, someone who wasn’t supposed to be there but that let you miss the train, made you change your destination. However, the end of the journey was a mystery, with him nothing was clear from the start.

The gala was proof that you couldn’t handle that world, it felt like everything you did made your situation in a much worse position. If it wasn’t for Coriolanus, you would’ve busted into tears on live tv, he was used to that world, lying so naturally that he convinced them.

Cameras, flashes, interviews. Not exactly what you have been preparing for all your life.

You didn’t want to remember what happened that night. Your mind replayed memories as if it was a film, but you were trying to stop it. The dancing? The photographers?

No, the kiss.

The thought of his hands on your skin, his hair on your hands, his lips against yours. The more you pushed that image away, the less it faded from your mind. How could you let him do something like that? You knew that letting him in again would only bring more chaos into your life, but at the same time, you needed to fix your mess and he was your solution.

Also, you didn’t want to acknowledge that all the attention was something you needed. Not the bad press, the misleading articles and intrusive photographers. It was the care for you, the way he defended you, the warmth you didn’t feel in a long time. You knew it was fake, just a facade, but that pretending was healing an empty spot you have been hiding for ages.

When you checked your mail, you recognised the reddish envelope. It was from Snow manor.

"Be ready at 7 pm, someone is going to pick you up.’ signed by Iris Davebonn.

Of course it was not over.

He had a plan, and he didn’t give up easily. You also had a plan, he was not the only one with something to prove, but was he the only way out to your hell? Or was he another villain in your tragedy? You had nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Coriolanus is the forbidden apple, the fruit I shall never be tempted to desire.

You opened the fridge, still sleepy but hungry. For your breakfast you had a couple of options: water and rotten eggs or rotten eggs and water. So as always you decided to steal from your neighbor’s tangerines tree, you could easily pick the fruits from your window, the advantages of living on the first floor. You knew that the old lady next door noticed your thefts, but she hated you either way so at least you gave her a reason to. Since you didn’t have a monthly paycheck anymore, you had to live with your remaining savings, but soon you were left with nothing with bills and rent to pay.

Actually, Dr. Gaul never fired you, she wasn’t as upset as Capitol people, she even congratulated you because this way The Hunger Games were discussed more on tv and newspapers. For her, the incident was a perfect strategy to make the Games popular. She even thought you did that intentionally, because in her distorted view,”it was funny seeing their faces when for the first time, a 12 years old boy from district eleven won”. Against all odds, the unknown tribute without sponsors and hope to make it alive, won the games because “I killed everybody else.”

Not as funny as she thought.

Eventually, you couldn't handle the pressure anymore and you quit. The last time you saw her she persuaded you to be by her side the next year, “if you did that by accident, I wonder what you could do purposely.” You never considered that offer, you didn’t have to work there in the first place. If only you could go back, maybe… Maybe, everything would’ve gone differently.

The world fell apart when you heard the sound of cannon in that room. Everybody was cheering for that girl from district two, the favorite, the one that won Capitol’s heart during the interviews. The lovely Rea, the brave tribute that was bit by an horrific dog. That creature cannot be defined as a ‘dog’, more like a venomous lion with a crocodile mouth. Your role was to make a medicine that could heal her wound. Sponsors asked it, her mentor was willing to pay whatever price to save her, the Capitol was betting every penny on her.

The pressure was such that you mistakenly switched two drugs and gave her the other for the boy from District three. Fatal mistake.

You were their only hope but you became the death of them.

Relying on somebody else was the last thing you wanted, especially if it was Coriolanus Snow. You didn’t want to need him. But there you go, on your way to his house. Again.

An avox opened the door for you and silently you followed her to the living room. Iris and Coriolanus were both standing near a star shaped glass table surrounded by small couches, you wondered what their conversation was about because they stopped talking the moment you walked in.

“Speaking of the devil,” Coriolanus said looking at you, he was wearing a white shirt and black pants, his hair was messy as if he woke up a couple of minutes ago.

”There she is,” Iris stepped towards you, opening her arms, “the new star of Panem,” she hugged you like you were an old friend she hadn’t seen in a while, it didn’t feel as awkward as you thought, it felt sincere.

”I think you meant a fallen star,” you laughed hugging her back.

”Honey, the gala was a success!” She said with a warm smile.

You perceived his blue eyes gazing at you, the same look he gave you when you were walking with him arm by arm at the gala.

Why is he staring? Am I wearing something inappropriate? Or is it just the indecipherable look he always has?

“Did you read the newspaper?” Iris pointed at the glass table in front of you but you were distracted by a bowl full of pastries to even pay attention to her.

You leaned forward to read the page but your sight was too blurry. The tangerines were the only thing you ate since this morning, not really an energetic meal. You sat on the small couch and you put the newspaper close to your face, nose almost touching the page, squinting to have a better view.

“Are you blind?” Coriolanus said with an annoyed tone, he tore away the paper from your hands.

”I don’t have my glasses with me,” you lied, you have never worn glasses in your entire life.

You rubbed your temples trying to see clearly again and you swiftly took what seemed to be a pink cookie from the tray on the table. What flavour was that? You tried to make a straight face while chewing that sugary stuff, at least your body was eating something.

“To make things short— they think we are the couple of the moment,” Coriolanus started while reading the page, “that everybody was shocked— bla bla,” he rapidly said, “oh and they mentioned my name four times!”

“No, Mr. Snow, if you have to do something you have to do it right,” Iris intervened, taking the newspaper from his hands.

She sat down on the couch near yours and started reciting the article, reading word by word.

“Is love in the air? In Capitol City probably is.” She read the first line,“what a great title isn’t it?” Iris commented

“Go on or we are going to stay here all night,” Coriolanus said.

You looked at him, he was standing up making you feel inferior, like a shadow looming over you.

“After the unsettling events happened in the last Hunger Games, there is finally some hope in our community. The aspiring president Coriolanus Snow showed up with someone not-so-new in the latest gala before the presidential campaign.”

“ ‘not so new’ so kind of them—” you said and he shushed you. How dare he?

“She studied medicine and has worked with the Head Gamemaker for the past year. Rumor has it that for some kind of incident, she was the cause of the premature death of two tributes.”

Iris took a breath. “Unexpectedly, last night Coriolanus proudly walked with her for the very first time in public. Both dressed in white, representing the noble Snow name, they conquered the attention of the media and the crowd. Are they the couple of the moment?” She smiled while looking at you, “the best part is about to come.”

“If we are basing the answers on the way they look at each other, they definitely stole our hearts. We are looking forward to seeing how this unexpected love will grow.”

You laughed, that was too corny for you, was it possible that they truly believed that little show you made?

”Will Coriolanus Snow win the election the same way he won her heart? Right now we are in love with both of them.” Iris finished.

“Did they really write an article about our possible love story?” You took another cookie, green this time, “they really are bored people.”

”You should be happy they didn’t talk about what happened in the arena,” Coriolanus said but you couldn’t see him, he was standing behind you.

“Well, they mentioned it anyway,” you said while chewing that lemon pastry, or was it mint? For a moment you thought it was better starving than eating whatever thing it was.

”Thanks to me they probably will give you a chance,” he said.

”The tone they used– it was like they think you are doing charity by being with me.”

“Well it kinda is–”

”Oh shut up,” you stand up, turning to him, “your name has never been this many times in a newspaper.” You were close to him, and even if you were not sitting anymore, you felt small standing there facing him.

His eyes were still examining you, as if you were a book written in a language he couldn’t read.

“You two look like siblings fighting over meaningless things,” Iris said, stepping in, getting in the middle of you.

“See? Even Iris thinks you are being overly dramatic.”

You fought the urge to answer back, did he just call you over-dramatic?

“Honey, look who's talking,” Iris said pointing a finger at him, “you are not really easy to work with,” then she turned over to you, “in just one day people fell for your fairytale, imagine what you can do in a month.”

“Do you really think this can work?” You avoided looking at him behind her shoulder.

“They don’t care about what you did, you are just another distraction from their empty life,” she explained to you, “they need something else to talk about.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, there are more important things,” Coriolanus said, “such as the presidential elections.”

”Is there something else you can say instead of politics and fame?”

”What do you want me to tell you? My sad story about when I mixed some drugs in the laboratory?” He stepped closer, ”oh no, that is something you always talk about.”

”I liked you better when you ignored me,” you said remembering the first time you tried to have a conversation with him.

“Stop please,” Iris said, “you two should bond more, this atmosphere is making me wanna retire early,” she touched her hair, orange this time, “maybe you will like each other.” She walked away from your sight.

“It's going to be tiring enough pretending to like him in public,” now there was just the glass table separating you from him.

“So this is a yes, you are going to do this,” his face lightened up.

“It seems this charade it’s working,” you said convincing yourself that was your best chance of getting your reputation back.

Did you just sign a pact with the devil?

He is the forbidden apple. But it doesn’t mean I can’t just play with it.

“Before I forget,” you heard Iris voice coming from the door entrance, “next week dinner with the Holdens and Suncots,” she was putting her yellow coat on, “they gladly accepted the invite here,” then she put her gloves on, “see you tomorrow—oh and try to bond you two,” she pointed a finger at him before closing the door and leaving you alone with Coriolanus.

You looked at the clock above the coat hanger and it was getting late, but you had nowhere else to be at that moment. No one waiting for you at home, no one expecting your call, nothing to do the next day.

“Tigris is going to design another dress for you,” he said referring to the dinner.

“Can’t I just wear something I already have?” The thought of him deciding what color and style your dress had was not something you tolerated.

“Of course not— do you dine here or?” That didn’t sound like an invite, more as if he was suggesting you go home.

“So kind, I’ll pass,” you said with a sarcastic tone.

”I asked because you almost devoured the entire jar of pastries.” He smiled, waiting for your reaction.

”For the record, they are tasteless.”

He rolled his eyes, “the car is waiting for you outside,” he turned his back and walked towards the kitchen.

”I can walk, I don’t need your personal driver,”

Your words stopped him right in his tracks, ”what if you get lost? How could I do without you?” He said jokingly, turning over to see you, “and it’s fifteen minutes away, in the dark— don’t be a child and go by car, you’ll get used to it.”

You didn’t answer, not like you had something to say. Of course you would’ve accepted the ride, your apartment was too far from his house, you just wanted to irritate him. Maybe you were not so different from Coriolanus, you were playing the same game.

Car rides make you recall only good memories. Your dad got a car when you were little, it was gray and smaller than this one, and he used to drive you to school everyday. Until you got into university and you moved to your current house, it was ten minutes from university so you got used to walking.

The engine stopped and you stepped out of the car, it was cold outside and you wished you had heating at home, a luxury you couldn’t afford anymore.

You fumbled with the keys trying to open the door, you were freezing and you rushed because you heard some steps. You didn’t want to have a conversation with your neighbor, she’ll probably just scold you about the stolen tangerines and how loud you shut the door when you go out, the old same story. You finally walked inside but someone blocked you from closing the door. It was a young man, probably in his thirties, he had a tiny recorder on his hand and you immediately clicked.

“Hi, I’m from Capitol’s People Magazine, I wanted to ask you some questions about your relationship with Coriolanus Snow,” he said pointing you to the black device.

”I’m sorry— for interviews, talk to my manager,” you said with a kind tone.

Iris suggested that every time journalists asked you questions you did not want to answer, you had to say those words, and now was the case. You slowly closed the door but the man put his feet in between.

”How could the heir of one of the most influential figures be with a corrupted woman like you?” He looked at you with eyes full of anger.

Corrupted woman, this was new to you. What was the correct answer to that?

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” you smiled while trying to close the door by pushing it against his feet but he was not intending to leave you alone.

He aggressively tried to wedge his foot into the door, forcing it to stay open while he continued to badger you with invasive questions about the gala.

”Are you planning on ruining his image while stealing his money?” He reached your arm and grabbed it.

“What’s wrong with you?” His grip was getting tighter as you tried shoving him.

He was strong enough to smash the door open, stepping inside your house. With his hand on your wrist, he roughly pushed your body against the wall, your back facing him as he stood behind you, your heart pounding outside your chest.

“You are just a crazy bitch,” he whispered, “you think you can fool them but are a disgrace for Panem,” he pushed your head against the wall, one side of your face hitting the coarse plaster making your skin burn.

“Get off me! ” you shouted, struggling against his grip.

In response he hit your head again against the wall. You squinted your eyes in pain as a tear streamed down your face, you felt powerless, everything happened so fast.

“Tell me what you want from me,” you said with a weak voice.

“After all you did, you should shut the fuck up and do what you are asked to do,” he put his hand on your scalp as he pushed you harder against the wall.

You screamed like you never did in your entire life, someone had to hear your cry for help, right? But he was quick to cover your mouth with his palm and that was the perfect occasion for you to bite his skin. He kept his hand on your mouth while he choked on his own screams.

Your muffled howl echoed in the room but no one seemed to hear you. Or so you thought. Someone grabbed the man from his collar and pushed him away from you. It was the driver, his tall figure was now beant down to beat that man. You were paralyzed, now your back was against the wall and your lungs finally breathing, but your body was unable to answer your brain’s orders.

”Run!” The driver screamed at you while punching the man one more time, “go in the car! Run!”

You ran towards the car but your legs felt weak and your head too heavy. You opened the car door and you laid down in the back seats. What the hell just happened?

What if he came back? What if next time there is not someone to save you? Your anxiety grew inside your chest and you kept yourself from crying.

“Are you okay, Miss?” The driver asked breathlessly as he violently closed the front car door with a rush, “should I take you to the hospital?” He was looking at you, he had an old scar on his cheek that you didn’t notice before.

You shook your head, “I just need water” you mouthed, trying to maintain a regular breathing.

“Thank you for saving me,” you whispered.

You looked at him through the rearview mirror, his eyes reflecting the street lights while he was driving as if nothing happened, as if his bloody knuckles on the steering wheel were not hurting.

After minutes that seemed hours he talked, “It is my duty,” he said, “Mr. Snow wouldn’t have forgiven me.”

Coriolanus was in his study preparing a speech for the next interview, he had to be careful to pick the perfect words, to speak with the right tone, and to make the adequate facial expressions. Nothing was left to case. Every single action had to be meticulously studied and calculated.

It was his specialty. Playing with words and making people fall in love with his charm. He did it naturally, molding people the shape he wanted. Because he had to have everything under his control, his power, his eyes.

For the first time he was struggling. He was stuck on the opening line and he didn’t know how to continue. Sleepless nights and alcohol were the usual in the past week. This was one of the nights. Locked in his study until he wrote something of that speech, depriving himself from sleep.

Coriolanus was walking around the room, fidgeting with a pen on his long fingers. Until his mind-wandering was stopped by a firm knock on the door, annoyed it could be an Avox, he ignored it. But the knocking didn’t stop.

He let out a sigh as he unlocked the doorknob, “how many times do I have to tell–” to his surprise, the driver showed up at his door, “Virma, what are you doing here?”

Coriolanus soon found the answer to his question by looking over the driver’ shoulder. You were hidden behind his back, like a hurt animal scared of its fate. You didn’t want to come here, like a lost child brought back home. But where were you supposed to be? What place instead of his?

Your ruffled hair, your smeared makeup and your empty look. It didn’t take long for him to understand something happened. A sense of anger grew inside of him. This was not written in a script, it was not meant to happen and when things did not go according to plan, Coriolanus lost his composure, he could have been unpredictable.

His face darkened. He grabbed your arm and he dragged you in his study, along with Virma. You felt his hand on your wrist, his touch was something familiar to you, maybe gentle, as if he was actually worried about you. He pushed Virma to the side and closed the door behind him, casting you both in the dim light of his opulent study.

You were now facing him, his expression was different from an hour ago. His hand traveled to your face, his fingers lifting your chin as he leaned to have a better view of you. The left side of your face was scraped, fresh cuts burned on your temple as droplets of blood trailed your skin. Coriolanus traced his fingertips on your bruised skin and you flinched, instantly regretting the movement as a flash of pain shot through your head, but he was not rough like that man. He loosened his grip on your arm, his eyes softening as he took in the sight of your injuries. He was delicate, as if he was touching something fragile.

You were too focused on his expression to even pay attention to your sore skin. His knitted brows, his parted lips and his concerned look.

“Who did this to you?” His voice barely above a whisper, he glared down at you as he inspected your figure, as if he was looking for other scratches he missed.

You could almost feel the tension radiating from him.

His hand was now on your neck, fingers touching the back of your head, “a journalist, I don’t–” you looked down, “he was asking questions but I–"

“Mr. Snow, I think I know who he is ,” the driver said and for a moment you forgot he was in that room, “he is Lucius Cliffhard' son.”

"Cliffhard' son? The father is running for president why would he–” Coriolanus didn’t finish his sentence and he looked back at you, “thank you for your service Virma,” his hand left your neck leaving a warm spot, “we will talk about it later.”

You heard the door closing and now you were left alone with him. You could barely stand up, your adrenaline was leaving your body and your anxiety was taking its place.

“Tell me exactly what happened,” he walked towards the opposite side of the room, looking for something in the small bathroom of his study.

You were standing in the shiny black floor, your heart was pounding so loud you could not hear your weak voice, “he probably was waiting for me to come home because the moment I opened the door he uhm—“ you stuttered, "started asking questions but I didn't answer, so he pushed me against the wall and his hand was on my mouth—“ you paused, ”he hit my head and—“ you felt a lump on your throat and you hoped he didn’t hear you.

His steps were again echoing the room, his figure walking closer to you. He had a piece of cotton wool in his hands and without a notice he held it against your scratches by cupping your face with his other hand. It was burning your skin, his fingertips were slightly brushing your neck while he dabbed gently the cotton to clean the wounds on your temple.

”Continue talking,” he said nonchalantly as he tilted your head to have a better view of tour left side of the face.

You stopped breathing in that moment, maybe because of the nauseating smell of the disinfectant or maybe it was because he was inches away from you, his focused look on the bleeding cut, “I think he just wanted to scare me,” you managed to say in a steady tone.

The blonde snapped his head at you, his blue eyes now on yours, “he is a psychopath,” his scent reminded you of that night at the gala, “he hit you because you didn't want to be interviewed, he could've killed you."

You reached his hand where he was pressing the cotton wool and for a moment your fingers brushed before he removed his hands from your skin. “you are exaggerating– he just needs help, ” you said.

Coriolanus closed his eyes, he clenched his fists and the knuckles turned white. He walked towards the desk and he poured himself a drink, taking a long burning sip. You watched him in silence as you inspected the reddish cotton on your hands.

“Do you trust him so much you want to come back to your house?” He was behind his desk, arms resting above the chair, “I told you, here you could have been safer from the media,” he raised his voice, “but you are stubborn, you risked your life and– if it wasn’t for Virma who knows what could have happened,” he said nervously while pouring himself a drink.

“So now it’s my fault?” You bawled at him.

“You don’t understand that now whatever happens to you affects me,” he said, “what are they going to say when they see your bruises and god forbid— he writes an article saying who knows what lies of what happened.”

“See? You don’t care about my safety, you only care about what they think,” you stepped closer to him because he wasn’t even looking at you, “you want me as your puppet, so you can have me under your control— your house, your peacekeepers, your scripts— it’s all part of your plan,” you said.

”You are free to go back to your pathetic life if that’s what you want," he took a sip of his drink, still looking down, “I can’t save you from yourself, after all– you were miserable before and now too,” it was like venom coming from his lips.

A tear streamed down your face, “this is what I hate about you,” you scoffed, “you are a selfish and heartless man, I was right from the start.”

You have called him only good names: uncaring, unaffectionate, disrespectful, selfish and heartless. The list was getting longer.

“What did you expect? I thought it was going to be easier with you but you are getting on my nerves,” he stood up walking towards you, “you should be grateful— but no, you like acting so superior to me,” his chest was getting closer to you.

You scoffed, “why? Who are you?” You looked up at him through your lashes, “just a rich spoiled kid who is playing at being the next president of Panem.”

“And you fucking need me,” he said against your cheek, “this is why you didn’t leave, you don’t want to admit that without this ‘heartless man’ standing in front of you who knows where you could be right now,” his eyes were consuming you.

”Look who's talking,” you pointed a finger at him, “the Capitol's favorite toy who needs a ‘miserable girl’ to make him popular.”

Coriolanus placed his free hand on your wrist, squeezing it lightly, “you like this am I right?” He licked his lips, “talking back at me, uh?”

His nose was touching yours, his grip was burning your skin and you could feel his hot breath mixing with yours. The blonde was dangerously close to you, but you missed that feeling. Have you already erased what he has said to you? Was he so powerful to make you fall for his spell?

He is the forbidden fruit, I shall not fall in temptation.

His lips brushed yours, memories flooding back to you. You didn’t know if he was about to bite you or kiss you. It would have hurt you either way.

“Tell an Avox to prepare your room,” he said, “or freeze in the streets, I don’t care— your choice.” Coriolanus let your arm go and he walked away from your sight.

It started to be just for show but the backstage was even worse than the real life. At the same time you could not give up on this play, you had to change your rules, your morals, to keep being with him.

So you were alone in the dark in the hallway, thinking about running away or staying.

Coriolanus could not win this way, you hated to admit you still needed his presence to fix your reputation. The darkness seemed to swallow you as you hesitated, torn between your principles and the pull of his influence. He had too much power right now, but you were willing to wait, by making things your own terms.

As you stood there, unwilling to give in to his manipulations, the lingering memory of his touch warred with the sharpness of his words. You slammed the door shut for him to hear you, he would have to do better to get you away from him.

Coriolanus could have touched your face as if you were the rarest creature on earth but the same lips once brushed yours, could tell the most hurtful things to you.

But you did that too. You were both craving the same sin. But too proud to admit on your faces.

“Is everything okay now?” You were in Tigris room, a colorful space barely illuminated by the outside light. It was in the basement, not really a cozy place to work.

You were talking about the aggression that happened a couple of days ago, nothing you wanted to recall actually, especially your conversation with Coriolanus, but you didn’t tell her that.

”Yes, the bruises are healing over,” you answered, touching your temple.

Tigris smiled at you while taking your measurements. She didn’t look like her cousin, apart from the blonde hair, she was pure and kind hearted. Why was an angel like her on earth with people like you? Like him?

“Why are we doing this again?” You asked “Didn’t you already have my measurements?”

You were standing on a stool, only wearing your undergarments while Tigris was putting the tape measure around your chest.

”Coryo sent me a note telling me that last time the dress was a little loose,” that was the last thing you could ever expect to hear from her, because it was in fact true, he noticed that.

“He did what?”

“I know, I was surprised too,” she smiled, “anyway, I read the newspaper.”

Oh no, you didn’t want to talk about that too.

“You two look great in the picture,” she handed you a wrinkled page where you could see a black and white photo of you and Coriolanus at the gala, he was looking at you while holding your waist.

You didn’t know about the existence of that picture until now. That night you were too starved to even pay attention to the newspaper, how could you miss that?

“It was so strange seeing him with a woman,” she commented while looking for some fabric.

“What do you mean? Has he ever had a girlfriend?” You knew the answer to that question but you wanted to hear from her.

“More like ‘girls’ than ‘girlfriends’, ” she laughed, “I’ve never met one of them,” Tigris wrapped a red cloth around your waist.

“Well, not that I’m special,” you looked at the mirror in front of you, “it’s just a stupid show.”

“What a shame,” she folded the excess fabric on your side and put a needle, “I liked you,” Tigris whispered.

You wished you could do something for her, she deserved more than a molded little room and a cousin like Coriolanus.

“So we are seeing each other more often, am I right?” she broke the awkward silence.

“Yes, Iris forced me to stay in this house,” Iris was really in apprehension when she saw your bruises, she lectured you on how people are vicious and in your ‘situation’ it was better not risking more.

“How lucky, aren’t I?” You added.

“I know my cousin can be– difficult to understand but,” she walked behind you, “there are some things that brought him to be this way,” her fingers tighten the fabric on your back, “and of course he’s not a saint, he just needs something– someone perhaps, to make him remember who he really is.”

“I can’t fix him,” you glanced at her reflection in the mirror, “I’m broken as much as he is and– we are incompatible.”

“As the sun and the moon?”

“Maybe.”

The comparison did fit well.

One is the star planets gravitate around, the only source of light at the center of the solar system. The moon is a small satellite whose only purpose is to spin around the earth, showing only one face and depending only on the planet's gravitational field.

Coriolanus wanted to appear like the sun, bright and powerful but he only displayed one face like the moon. You felt small, needing for something to orbit around as the moon did, but you didn’t know how radiant and capable you actually were, exactly like the sun.

Since you moved in his house, nights were longer than the others. It was getting harder to fall asleep because of your intrusive thoughts keeping you awake.

Is the door locked? Am I safe here?

The positive side was that your new room was probably bigger than your whole apartment. Then, you were not freezing anymore and you were finally eating food, not stolen fruit and smelly milk.

Even though you were living in his house, you tried avoiding his presence: by not having lunch the same hour as him, by going out your room only when you heard his door locking or having your usual meetings with Iris before him. That was your way of saying that he could not control your life, especially when he treated you the way he did.

However, that was still his house.

Red silky bed sheets, roses scent, his gold engraved initials on objects.

Coriolanus was not easy to forget. It was as if he had poisoned the air you were breathing, everything reminding you of him. The good and the bad. You promised yourself to not be tempted anymore, he was mercilessly manipulating you into believing he was the person he wanted to appear at the Capitol. But other than his mesmerizing eyes, his golden curls and delicate hands, there was another man hiding in his shadow. You had to picture that side of him every time he teased you, or you could be a sinner.

You were laying on the bed, leafing through the pages of the brand new script it was sent to your room. This was even worse than the other. Not only you had to remember some political matters regarding the current campaign, but you had to pretend again how good of a man Coriolanus was. How he supported and cared for you and how bright your plans as a couple were.

“I was extremely lucky to meet him, he is the sun to my dark days,” what an irony, “I am looking forward to living this exquisite love fully by his side.”

So cheesy for what?

“You can’t avoid me forever.”

You heard a muffled voice coming from the hallway, you walked towards the door but you didn’t answer. It was him of course, after the bad there was the good. He surprisingly tried talking with you on other occasions, but you had walked away before he could even finish his sentence, running away was easier, or god knows what you could’ve done.

“I can hear your heavy breathing,” he said close to the door, “open the door or I will,” he was waiting for your response, thinking about what he could say to get your attention. “Please?” Good manners are always the right answer, right? Right?

You let out a sight as you unlocked the door. Coriolanus was standing close to the room’s entrance, his arm was leaning against the wooden jamb and you noticed he was wearing his coat, as if he was about to go out.

“Oh so you’re alive,” he said, “I was worried about you.”

You couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not, but it didn’t matter either way. Right?

“What do you want?” You were still holding the doorknob, not letting him step inside the room.

“Come with me, we have to go somewhere,” he said with a rush in his tone.

“I kindly refuse your invitation,” you were about to close the door but he put his hand in between. I could squash his fingers, you thought, nothing he could not recover from.

Coriolanus rolled his eyes, “sooner or later you will have to pretend to like me,” his face was partially illuminated by your room light, making his eyes brighter.

You looked at his long fingers keeping the door open, he had his usual shiny ring on his index finger and for a moment you thought you could really squash his hand, “I think it’s better we have less interactions possible apart from the social events.”

“It’s been days since people saw us together, yesterday they asked about you at the debate,” he hissed, “see? Instead of asking about my political project they were– nevermind, just come with me.” His eyes were begging you, such a satisfying image.

“I’m not dressed up, what a pity,” you said mockingly.

He peeked at your figure, “you’re fine.”

You did not feel fine. You weren’t even wearing your clothes, you did not had the chance to pack up your things from your apartment and you had to ask Tigris for some piece of clothing that could fit you. She gave you some of her designs, a green matcha wool skirt matched with a cotton white top. At least you were about to wear pretty clothings, not your old unironed shirts.

“Just for show,” you said while grabbing a jacket.

“Just for show,” he echoed.

You realised that in this game of power and appearances, keeping your distance wasn't an option anymore. You knew that you were now entwined in a dangerous dance with Coriolanus, one that could lead to momentous success or catastrophic ruin. The stakes were high and your mixed feelings towards him could not interfere with your plan, he was not the only manipulator anymore.

“Where is he bringing me?” you asked Virma after fifteen minutes of silence in the car. It was better not talking directly to Coriolanus when possible.

“Miss, isn’t this a date? Enjoy the ride,” the driver said with a smile.

You and Coriolanus laughed. Date? The only date you were looking for was the date this show would end. The car stopped and from the window you immediately recognised the place. It was not a fancy restaurant, a loud club or someone’s wealthy mansion.

First date with Coriolanus Snow at… the Citadel?

That was not what the script said.

You heard the car speeding away as he walked towards the huge grey entry, he unlocked the door and he stepped inside. You stood on the sidewalk, not sure if you wanted to follow him, it was too late to change your mind and too dark to be alone outside.

At least ten peacekeepers were guarding the entrance but Coriolanus walked towards the grey corridor unbothered. The first time you were there, you were searched as if you were a prisoner, as if you could hide a bomb inside your small pockets. This time they did not even consider you, because you both spent months working day and night in that cold laboratory.

The elevator plunged down at least twenty floors, the dark walls were so thick you could strain your vocal chords for hours but no one would hear you. You were standing beside him, waiting for the door to open as soon as possible. The only sound echoing in that place was the loud machinery that was slowly moving down.

“Did you miss this place so much you wanted a guided tour by me?” You asked, breaking the silence, “or is it a surprise party for me?” Five floors left, “tell me now so I put my best smile for the cameras,” you said mockingly, but he didn’t even look at you.

Couldn’t this man laugh for once? So boring.

The elevator doors parted and you finally stepped inside the laboratory. It was an open space divided into three areas. The center was where Dr. Gaul did experiments with animals, occasionally it was also where she did her lectures and exams; one side was the sterile area where the researchers did surgical operations and medical trials where they often experimented with new drugs on genetically modified animals; on the other side, there was the library and research tables, where you mostly spent most of your time studying advanced biotechnology methods.

“How romantic– I guess what people are going to say when I tell them for our first date you took me to see these sweet and lovely creatures,” you said as you looked at the wall glass with dead beasts inside clear yellowish cases.

“You should keep the bar low with me— and I just need to find some documents, you know this laboratory better than me,” he removed his coat and stepped towards the library on the other side of the room.

“You tricked me– you just wanted a favor from me,” your voice echoed and you were not sure he heard you. You walked through the library looking for him.

“I’m in the archives section,” his voice was not far away.

The library was arranged in a circular pattern, as if the bookshelves were layers and in the very core there was a large space with study desks, the ones you had slept on many nights back when you worked there. Soon you found the blonde leaning over a desk while reading some pages in an orange envelope.

“Did you find it?” You asked in an annoyed tone.

“Here there is– this is your file,” he said while standing up.

“My what now?” You walked over him, intended to grab the envelope with the 'confidential' print on the cover.

Coriolanus stepped back, leaning his back on the bookshelf behind him, “given your precedents, I thought it was better to check your past before they did,” he had already read your file a long time ago, but he didn’t tell you that.

He started reading the first page, “you uhm graduated with honors in medicine– bla bla bla first student in your class, —okay here, you specialized in general surg— oh no you did not” he paused, “yet?” Coriolanus looked at you with a puzzled face, suggesting you to say something.

“I will this year,” you looked at your fingers, fidgeting with the ends of your jacket.

“Lie number one, here it says you didn’t pay the tuition,” he pointed at the paper.

Fuck. You couldn’t afford paying for electricity, imagine the university fees, in the most expensive city in Panem. You stuttered something but he continued talking.

“Anyway, you got a place in the Ranvistill Clinic —impressive— and then you mysteriously asked for a transfer after two years, and this is how you got here,” he looked at you, “what happened?”

Was that a tricky question? This conversation was making you uncomfortable. You felt under trial, as if you were accused of crimes, Coriolanus was the judge and you were the only one defending yourself.

“Is this an interview? I didn’t know that apart from being interested in writing scripts you also were a human resource guy,” you tried switching the topic, the conversation was getting too personal.

“Do you have something to hide? I must be prepared for anything they can ask me,” he frowned.

You had many secrets you hoped he didn’t already know, “I changed jobs, that’s it.”

“You failed my test,” he chuckled, “you lied straight to my face in a serious matter –this is lie number two.”

“A test? What the hell Coriolanus.” You sighed as you walked over a desk, sitting on it.

“See? This is why you don’t have my trust.”

The man that cannot be trusted was really talking about trust?

“If you already know every detail of my life, why are you talking with me?”

“Oh, I knew it was going to bother you —anyway no, there’s just something that does not add up.” His eyes went again on that file, hands leafing through pages.

“Which is,” you said with a passive tone.

“Clodius South, head of the surgery department —or I should say, your umh— ex boyfriend?” He closed the folder and put it carelessly on the shelf behind him.

Your heart skipped a bit, “I’m done,” you stood up but he came closer to you.

“Answer just one question, I'm curious– why did he fire you? I mean, officially you transferred but I know it wasn’t voluntary,” he didn’t seem to give up, his look was pleading for answers, “so strange, you had been together for a year.”

“Why are you so interested in my sentimental life? You don’t have a chance with me, you know that right?” You laugh, feeling the tension in the air.

“There is no such risk, I’m not attracted to you,” his figure blocked you from walking away, “I just need your popularity, so I can fix it to something good.”

“You were the one kissing me in the car,” you bit your tongue, that kiss was something you didn’t want to bring up, it was better to forget about it. However, the other option was talking about your past, not something you were proud of.

“Oh please as if you didn’t want to,” he tilted his head, eyes locked on yours.

You laughed at his words, “you wish,” your back leaned against the desk.

“Then why did you kiss me back? I remember you didn’t let me breathe for a moment.”

“That was part of the show, Coriolanus Snow.”

“Now you use my full name? Last time I checked you called me differently,” he rested his arm on the desk you were lying on, making his height the same as yours.

You damned the only time it slipped from your lips calling him Coryo, a nickname you promised yourself to not say ever again.

“Why? Did it turn you on?”

His other hand was near your leg, slowly moving closer to your exposed skin.

“You can’t even imagine,” he swiftly looked down to your lips then back to your eyes.

The room did not feel cold anymore. Your breathing was getting slower, his parted lips warming your skin, his arm grazing your leg.

“So tell me, what happened with him?” Coriolanus insisted, but you had other plans in mind.

He was in power right now, he brought you here just to humiliate you with your deepest secrets. Weren't you just a miserable girl? It was your turn to make him feel miserable.

“You say you’re not attracted to me but you always find an excuse to touch me,” you whispered to his ear, his curls brushing your nose and his hand slightly brushing your leg.

This would have made him back off, telling you how stupid you are to think something like that, gaslighting you about the fact he never did such things like touching you.

“If it bothers you so much why you never push me away,” his hand traveled up to your leg, “go on, I’m waiting,” his fingers were now brushing your thigh and you felt his cold ring against your skin.

Fuck. That was not your plan.

You can always get back to it.

“I know your limits— I bet you barely touched a woman in your life,” you knew it was not true, you only said it as a provocation, to hurt his fragile ego as you planned.

I won.

”I don’t have limits, and we both know you would lose your bet,” his hand went under the hem of your skirt, making you shiver in surprise.

His index finger traced the outline of your panties, slightly playing with the waistband. Coriolanus didn’t break eye contact with you, his pupils were wide, you couldn’t see the blue that usually painted his iris, he was breathing slowly with parted lips, as if he wanted to control his heartbeat. And his hand felt so warm and familiar, so close to your core.

You knew that look, the one that he gave you when he let his guard down. The same look Coriolanus had when you came in his study a couple of days ago, his other side that he rarely showed to anyone.

His palm rested on your bare naked thigh.

“You don’t talk now?” His voice soothed your face, “tell me to stop and I will.”

That was the perfect occasion to slap that smug from his face, but you couldn’t even make up a coherent sentence. His voice was a gentle whisper cutting through the tension, but all you could manage was to stare at his eyes, trying to calculate his next move.

You knew what it was. It was a dangerous game you were playing, one that could shatter your plan. Did you have something to lose? You have already bent your morals, risked your life and crossed lines you never thought you would. Coriolanus would have been another crime to add to your list.

He is the forbidden fruit, I shall not fall in temptation.

But what if I took just a bite? A taste of mortal sin.

“Why did you bring me here?” You managed to say trying to control your breathing.

“You once asked me why did I chose you,” Coriolanus whispered to your ear, “and I told you that it was for the presidential campaign,” his hand moved up again, “publicity, press and interviews— I only care about that,” his fingers were covering your clothed cunt.

You took a deep breath and swallowed, your back was still leaning against the desk edge, his other arm on your side. His words were not making things easier for you, not because you were listening to what he actually was saying, but because his tone of voice was something you could only hear in these moments. When he acted good, for the cameras, for the show. But there was no one in that room.

Coriolanus kept talking, “but my point is, why didn't you leave?” His index finger circled around your covered core, “I mean— I could list a few reasons why, considering also how wet you are right now,” he pulled your panties to the side, exposing your wetness. “But you always say you hate me, that you despise me, why are you here then? Are you so desperate?”

Your eyes were closed, your mind wandered prohibited thoughts while his hand was painfully too far away from what your body needed. What could you say to him? That he was right about being so desperate to pretend to be with him, so you could clean your image? That despite his selfish behavior he was tempting you into falling in his game?

Coriolanus brushed your soaked entrance with his fingertips as he massaged your clit with your own wetness. You shamefully spread your legs giving him more access to your folds, his digits that once touched your face were gently rubbing your needy center.

Your silent whimpers were enough as an answer for him to slide one finger inside you.

Your hand was now on his biecep, grabbing his arm so tightly or you could fall. There was something in you that was holding you back from punching him to his face. Was this the charm everyone talked about? Was this the version of him everyone adored?

“Given that you prefer remaining silent— I can tell you why,” his hand moved inside you, “you like the attention,” your cheek was against his, while your other hand rested on the nape of his neck.

Your reaction to his movements made him close his eyes in bliss, but you were too focused on not making sounds that you didn’t notice his expression. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction that he was making you feel good.

“I bet you’ve barely been touched by a man,” Coriolanus echoed.

It’s just one bite of the apple.

You looked at him this time, and you wished you did it before. The blue in his eyes, his plump lips, the glistening on his forehead covered by his falling blonde curls. An angel.

No, no, he is the devil, not an angel.

“Wrong,” you breathed and his pace fastened, “actually they were better than you,” you whispered and his eyes widened.

“Lie number three,” he slid another finger, “I can tell when you’re pretending and when you’re not,” he brushed your clit with his thumb.

Oh.

You bucked your hips to make some friction, Coriolanus was painfully slow as if he was taking all the time in the world. He leaned his head to your left temple, where small reddish bruises were fading away from your skin, and he planted feather kisses on it. Coriolanus slowly traced a trail of wet kisses alongside your face. His soft lips were healing your bruises, his hand was igniting your core.

His fingers moved faster, pumping in and out your hole and slightly curled to hit exactly your sweet spot. Your little moans echoed in the room along with the sloppy sound of his hand never leaving your cunt. Coriolanus stroked your bundle of nerves once more, his lips sucked a spot behind your hear, slowly moving down your neck, marking your delicate skin with his warm kisses.

That was it. You were sure your high was coming in a matter of seconds, your mouth curved as pleasure began flowing through your body.

“But wasn’t I an uncaring, disrespectful —and what was that—oh, selfish and heartless man?” His hand stopped moving, “well I guess you were right,” his fingers were slowly pulling out your unfulfilled hole.

What was he doing?

“Did you really think you could do whatever you wanted? Having meetings without me, eating locked in your room, ignoring me for days— I have the control here.” Coriolanus looked down at you with a satisfied expression, believing that he finally asserted his dominance over you.

Your mind raced for a response, but before you could gather yourself, his words hung heavy in the air.

That was his revenge.

You thought you could teach him a lesson but he was a step ahead of you. Coriolanus humiliated you, exactly as he planned. His intent was to make you feel ashamed of your past but you gave him a better opportunity: he made you feel needy for him.

Self sabotaging.

“They are here,” he said in a calm tone, as if you were not almost buckling in that very moment.

Five seconds ago you were close to your orgasm and now you were feeling the emptiness growing inside you. You looked around confused, adjusting your body so now you were standing up, your weak knees begging for rest.

Who?

“They?” You stuttered as you watched him stepping back.

“Yes, I called them before,” he smirked, ”put your best smile for the cameras.”

Coriolanus acted like he did not just had his fingers inside you, but his body was telling another story, his bulge was visible from his pants and you noticed that as he swiftly covered his erection with his hand.

He walked towards the elevator where two peacekeepers were waiting for him. You fixed your skirt, probably too ruined and sticky to ever wear it again.

Fuck him.

You followed him, making sure to walk properly or he would’ve noticed how flustered you were. The thick doors closed, it was you, two peacekeepers and the blonde. You were sure he could smell your arousal, you still had traces of his saliva on your neck and a little bruise on your skin. A new one.

Coriolanus took a handkerchief from his pocket and he carefully cleaned his hand from your wetness, like he was cleaning his hands after a crime. Yours. The cloth wrapped around his fingers, as your walls clenched around him moments ago.

Then he caught you staring at his hand, “are you okay? You look flushed.”

You sick bastard.

Your cheeks were painted in a crimson color, of course he could see that, he was the cause of that. The same cause that made you cream your panties and shake your legs. If it wasn’t for the peacekeepers, you would have probably strangled him. But that was his lucky day.

He won.

After an infinite amount of time where your mind couldn’t stop picturing the sloppy sound from before, the elevator’s door parted. Coriolanus grabbed your shoulder as he was directed toward the exit. The silence in that room was now replaced by loud voices coming from the outside.

“Who did you call?” You tried pulling away from his grip but he kept you close.

“I told you, they haven’t seen us in a while.”

He opened the entrance and you heard someone shouting, “they are here!” A group of unknown faces were pointing microphones towards you, asking questions you didn’t bother to listen to.

You walked through the crowd side by side to him, his arm around your waist as you covered your face from the blinding flashes. The car was waiting for you in the exact spot it left you, Coriolanus let you enter in the car first as he followed by closing the door, blocking the loudness outside.

You sat on the back seat, heart racing outside your chest, forcing yourself to completely ignore his presence.

Coriolanus was again back in your thoughts as your wetness slid down your legs.

He is the forbidden fruit.

I am tempted by thee.

A/N: finally it’s out!! It has been so hard writing this chapter, I had so many ideas that I couldn’t mold them together into a coherent text lol. Anyway, as always tell me if there are grammatical mistakes because another difficulty was my limited vocabulary (a special thanks to wordreference.com or I wouldn’t be here today.) Every day I’m trying my best to improve my English so have mercy on me! Let me know if you want to be tagged next time!! 💌

Thank you so much for all the love and support!! Your comments mean a lot to me ❤️❤️ I love you all

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qqueenofhades · 26 days ago

Note

I bought your 'Empire' the other day (which I am excited about; I haven't started it yet), but somehow completely missed that you had written historical fiction, and about the Plantagenets, my favourite historical dynasty, so I'll be jumping on that.

I was wondering if you had recommendations for historical fiction set during the Plantagenet reign? I've tried Sharon Kay Penman and unfortunately didn't get on with her writing, which is a shame as I've heard good things about her series. I know Philippa Gregory has several novels set during that time period, but her books seem to be verging on bodice rippers, which isn't what I'm looking for. Was just curious if you had any suggestions for well-researched fiction set during the Plantagenet reign.

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for several days (my apologies) largely because I was trying to think of a more helpful answer for you. Medieval historical fiction is VERY hit and miss for me, not least because it is often written by people who, uh, are not historians and thus have Certain Ideas (TM) about what the medieval period is like. Or they want to use various aesthetics, or they want to make some (usually questionable) point about how women were treated in the past, or they just go whole-hog on total nonsense. As an example of all of these things at once, let us all stare in horror at this recently-released book description together:

(The book is called the Stone Witch of Florence, by the way. I took one look at this and ran screaming. WHY.)

A stone witch?? So she channels the power of gemstones like a modern-day Instagram healing crystals influencer??? BUT ZOMGZ WITCHCRAFT. In the middle of the Black Death. "Unorthodox cures" you say. But they also need holy relics for protection, and I totally trust the author to understand about medieval hagiography/cult of the saints. Totally. We definitely won't get some half-baked comparison between Sekrit Women Magical Gems Which Really Work and Dark Ages Church Superstition Holy Relics Which Are A Fraud, or.... something??? And our nobly mistreated protagonist will super definitely be a real physician if she gets these and never ever accused of witchcraft (which LET US ALL SAY IT TOGETHER IS AN EARLY MODERN THING!!!!) Because medieval medicine was just a bunch of gemstone vibes anyway! Makes total sense!

...my head hurts.

Anyway, while not all examples are this egregious, the point is: I love historical fiction, but I almost always can't read it when it's set in the medieval era. I read Sharon Kay Penman a while ago and enjoyed her stuff at the time, though I have assorted gripes with it on a stylistic/historical level. While Philippa Gregory does have real academic credentials, she likewise has gone totally down the bodice-ripper alternate-history crackpot theory Secret Women Magic version of things, which is... fine if that's your jam, but just like you, it is not mine. I thus have to read fiction which is set in other periods or which I know less about or where at least I am more capable of turning off my brain and accepting things for the sake of the story. So as you see, I unfortunately don't have many useful suggestions for you in this field, since the kind of medieval historical fiction that I like to recommend is, say, The Name of the Rose. Which is terrific and written for someone of a professional medievalist's level of knowledge, but is not exactly everyone's cup of tea when they just want something fun and easy to understand.

I am, of course, happy to give other book recommendations if you'd like to broaden your request, and I'll do my best to think -- but yes! As I said, I wish I could be more helpful here. I shall persist.

(Also, of course: thanks for buying EMPIRE! I do hope you enjoy.)

#cbk1000 #ask

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danyvhell-writes · 2 years ago

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General Kuras headcanons (Touchstarved)

GN reader - no warnings | Literally my second fav character in this game, love him sm ! Had a lot to say about this sweet angel so here we are. I want him to read me a bedtime story, then we can cuddle. Also I might post about Leander next time...

• Divine smell like omg the aromas, the fragrance ! A mix of clean clothes, nutmeg, honeysuckle & jasmine. (my personal fav but it's up to you)

• Radiates warmth, physically and also in terms of energy. Whenever he's near you, you can't help but relax and feel welcome. He makes you feel safe no matter what. He thinks it's cute that you like hugging him so much.

• If you're short don't worry ! Kuras won't mind reaching things you can't, he'll be your personal assistant for high supplies you can't get.

• We know he uses he/him pronouns but being an angel, a being of pure light & love, would technically make him genderless/agender ? Can he shapeshift ? Surely, but who truly knows... Ah what a gorgeous mysterious being.

• He's able to perceive souls and energies. He doesn't need to 'know' people to actually know them if that makes sense.

• He finds you fascinating and so do you ! You love listening to whatever he has to say because it's genuinely so interesting, his thought process is so intriguing. You two always have endless conversations about so many topics ! You'd never have thought he'd be this talkative but oh do you enjoy it.

• Have a calm reading session with him and he's yours ! This is his vision of the perfect date. Can't read because you're tired ? He'll read for you while you relax, charmed by his soothing voice. Of course, he loves your voice too ! Read him your favourite book, he will listen with much attention. He's all ears.

• If you're a very spiritual person, you'll love him even more. Talk to him about spirits, energies, deities etc… there's so much he'll teach and explain to you ! This tall guy is full of knowledge (big brain over here).

• Remember when he said "Do not be afraid." ? He meant it ! I think he's still used to his original form and so doesn't want to scare anyone. His current form is more accessible for mortals and he's trying his best to 'fit in'. (His incarnation is the opposite of scary but I don't think he realizes how attractive he is)

• He's omnilingual. That's it. No but fr, I don't know what his role is/was precisely as an angel (if he was a messenger or a guardian) but he understands any languages ! He tries to hide this ability because how could he explain it without sounding suspicious ? "How do I know javanese & martiniquan creole ? Oh, well it's a long story. I do not think you would find this interesting, really MC."

• Want to share jewelry with him ? Of course, go on. Give him your stuff, he'll love wearing whatever you have especially if it's golden. If you have big earrings like his he'll love them, big 10/10, sharing is caring as we say ! You guys would switch earrings a lot and I think it's adorable.

• If you're polyglot, he'd appreciate greatly to talk with you in your native tongue or other. Need some help with your vocabulary or something ? He's here to help ! Don't hesitate to ask him anything. → Would be really fun to have you, Kuras and Ais talking in other languages together ! Imagine the possibilities !!! Such interesting conversations omg

• 100% the type of person to gift you accessories and aesthetic presents. "This brooch reminded me of you ! I thought you would like to add it to your collection. What do you think ?" and you're just standing "???? Thanks omg you're so sweet !" 😭

• I'm sure he has a lot of fun facts about anatomy and medicine in general. He's also the type of person to tell the most gruesome anecdote about one of his patient and go "Oh but they are completely fine now, you do not need to worry MC :)" like okay if you say so doc…

• We know he's not the most expressive but you get him with a simplicity that is surprising ! Whether it's the tone he uses, his choice of words or the way he looks at his interlocutor, you can easily decipher how he feels. People say he's distant and appears a little cold but you know he's the most affectionate person you've ever seen !

• Always buys you food and invites you to eat outside to make up for the fact that he cooks badly ! He's truly sorry for his poor cooking skills but is always willing to feed you the best products in town. Please, teach him some basics. How can you be a good doctor when your food is causing stomach aches ??

• Afraid to be too comfortable around him ? Don't worry, he's a doctor. If you think sneezing or burping in front of him is embarrassing, remember he sees sick people and corpses on a daily basis. ↑ If you happen to sneeze next to him and feel gross because of the snot, no prob ! He'd simply go "Oh, bless you. Do you need a tissue ? I have my handkerchief if you want." with his cute lil smile.

• If texting was a thing in TS, he would 100% overuse the ":)" smiley. You'll find it at the end of every freakin text, you can't run away from it lmaoeuzfh. "Good morning MC, how are you ? :)" "One of my patient has been affected by -insert horrible affliction-, therefore I will see you this afternoon :)" "I'm deeply sorry to hear that your mentor passed away, may they rest in peace :)" "Ais said that I, I quote, 'give off milf energy' ? Would you mind explaining this term to me ? I asked Leander but he seemed uncomfortable. :)"

• Likes going on walks with you. Think you can't keep up with his long legs ? Just wrap your arm around his and he won't lose you. He's very careful to adapt to your pace so you can enjoy the moment. → Would definitely pick flowers for you while you guys are strolling around the city. He knows flower language so he'd tell you what they mean if you want. Also you have to tell him your favourite flower(s), he'll gift you the best bouquets ever (he would make them himself of course) !

• He's a doctor so he might go picking plants and flowers for his medicines. Just imagine him with a little basket, wandering around fields like a little witch :') Go flowerpicking with him please 😩 he'd love to share this activity with you !

• Whenever you get home after spending time with him, you always find white feathers hidden on & in your clothes. Can be on your vest, in your pockets, even in your bag ! At first you wonder if Kuras doesn't own a bird and he's like "Oh ! Do not worry, these are mine." "Yours ? Like your pet's ?" "No dear, mine. I happen to lose my feathers sometimes, it's not convenient and I am sorry if this bothers you." "...Oh hm, okay ?". So then you just collect them cause they're pretty and soft. (He wouldn't mind if you used the small ones to stuff your pillows really.)

• Lets you braid his hair. If you have some pretty accessories that go well with his aesthetic, don't hesitate ! He likes how you touch his hair with softness, always careful.

• This is him. No need for further explanation.

#touchstarved game #touchstarved #kuras #touchstarved kuras #kuras x reader #gn reader #touchstarved headcanons #headcanons #touchstarved demo #red spring studios #kuras is so elegant and just divine !! i love him #he's so mother #give me requests if you guys want ! I'll be glad tbh #my hcs

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lets-try-some-writing · 2 years ago

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I don’t remember where I heard it but I remember there being a theory that Knockout used to be a seeker and something happened to him and then he became a car as result because they couldn’t save his wings. Part of his narcissistic tendencies are more a part of him in the earlier days convince himself that it’s fine he doesn’t have wings anymore. And that starscream alluded to them now having the means to get back his wings on the nemese when he asked why knockout was a car.

Idk.

I like the theory though.

I would like to hear your take on it when you have the chance.

I've heard this same theory. I personally don't subscribe to it, but I like it all the same. I will gladly expand upon this little idea, at least a bit.

Clipped Wings

Knockout was originally a helicopter unit, search and rescue to be exact. He enjoyed his function, had no issues with it, and loved flaunting his wings whenever possible. He took great pride in the fact that he was capable of flight, of course it also helped the fliers were held in high esteem, but even so.

Most of his youth was spent gallivanting about, only learning medicine because it was better than being drafted into the army. He had no desire to have a machine gun strapped to his frame, it would ruin his whole aesthetic. And so he took to learning cosmetology and frame reconstruction as his primary fields of interest. And while he didn't know it at the time, it would come in handy later.

Once the war began, Knockout needed to choose sides. And so not having a ton of hope or trust in the Autobots, he joined with the Decepticons. He was immediately drafted as a field medic, a task he didn't enjoy but knew to be necessary if he wanted to climb the ranks and land in a more cushy position. And so he worked hard, flying out into the battlefield and tending to the injured Decepticons he stumbled across as best as he could. However war was brutal and a stay Autobot missile shot Knockout down during a mission. Medics were able to save him, but his wings were completely decimated and his alt-mode made effectively useless. In one fell swoop the thing be prided himself in most was stripped away from him before he could even come to terms with it.

He was shunned after the loss of his wings, his personality being too intolerable and his previous snark coming back to bite him as the Decepticon troops never left him alone. Unable to fly he became an easy target, one that guards looking to pick a fight relentlessly abused. Knockout tolerated it, spending every waking moment not at work on the ground with the other medics studying to try and find a way to return himself to what he considered his 'perfect form'. It was a very dark time for him. He hated himself, his frame, and everyone around him with a passion. In the end he pioneered an alt mode change and altered his T-cog alignment to allow him to take on a ground alt just so that he wouldn't be shunned for being useless anymore.

Even after he adjusted his frame to make it so that he could be an effective Decepticon again, he never forgot the feeling of the wind and the skies. Many a dark cycle he would sit out watching the stars on some cliff or watchtower and shutter his optics just so that he could pretend the air was once again his domain. His scars ached more often than not, and transformation never felt comfortable, almost like he was walking in someone else's frame. He was born for the skies, not the earth. He hated that a foolish war had stripped him of his greatest gift and glory.

He felt like every optic was boring into him at every given moment, staring at the scars he had long seen fit to cover with armor and flamboyant paint. He always felt judged, berated, and useless. And so to compensate he threw himself into his least favorable personality trait to cover everything else up. It was all to protect himself, at least that is what he always muttered to himself in the dead of night. His pleasant traits were locked away where they couldn't be used against him and he played into his narcissism, using it to craft an indominable persona that none dared to tamper with.

It was his defense, his perfect wall to keep others from seeing just how deeply he had been hurt by the loss of his wings.

He hated to admit it, but part of the reason he even associated with Starscream was because the Seeker had what he did not. Starscream had his wings and he understood. Both of them hid their pains behind walls of terrible personality traits. In a way they were the same, and while never voiced, both acknowledged this.

#maccadam #transformers #transformers prime #knockout #poor medic #I love him so much and he deserves all the best things #he may be a bit of a prick but he's my favorite prick #give the boy back his wings #this was short but I thought it turned out pretty well

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teardrop-scales · 2 months ago

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Matchup for @babulejka

I match you with...

Douxie!

I think you'd be a very adorable and healthy couple.

Your dynamic could be interesting and cute, since you're pretty cheerful and kind, but also polite and lady-like, while Douxie tries to be this cool "emo" dude that every girl simps for but in reality he's quite a dork lol.

And he can be a bit clumsy and reckless, although he means good, so if you could keep an eye on him that would be great.

For some reason I think he'd either enjoy/be impressed with your dark and morbid sense of humor or be concerned. Like, if you throw an especially dark joke around him, I can see him not commenting on it, but thinking to himself in concern "are you okay?" Lol

You're cheerful and bubbly while Douxie is a more calm and less cheerful/energetic person in my eyes (or at least the more modern, current version of him, not the one from Camelot), so I think you two would balance each other out well.

You two would be quite pleasing to the eye and aesthetically pleasant couple- just imagine, you with your long, blond hair and your super awesome and unique clothing styles and him with his black hair with blue streaks and his kinda emo look. You and Douxie would look amazing together imo.

He'd try to be there to watch your ballet performances. He probably would not always make it because of his jobs and other duties, but he'd try! He'd love to watch you dance so gracefully and beautifully. That'd be one of the moments when he'd think how on earth did he get so lucky to have you.

Horse riding dates <3 He may not be a professional at this like you, but we have seen from Wizards that he knows how to ride a horse more or less. Besides, you could always give him some tips and pointers, right?

And of course most importantly; your shared love for music! He'd be already in love, but if you told him you play instruments and write songs? He's absolutely whipped.

I can imagine you two having a sort of music sessions when you play your instruments and try to compose and write songs together (as a fellow music lover, I think it's super romantic).

Generally I think he'd find all of your hobbies very interesting and unique. Some of them may make him feel nostalgic because of his time at Camelot, like archery or your interest in herbal medicine.

He'd love how artistic you are, not only with music but in general and think you're very cool for being so talented, knowing how to sculpt, paint and do other artistic things.

I think he'd appreciate and share your interest about the world around us and the universe. Also, he'd be absolutely delighted to show you and impress you with some of his magic.

Douxie would eat anything that you cook and/or bake, he'd absolutely love it. Tbh, he'd eat anything as long as it was made by you, even if it was burnt to a crisp, because he's just nice and considerate like that <3

You like reading? Well, you're in luck. We know he worked in that bookstore. I think Douxie would let you borrow any book without actually buying it or just straight up give some to you.

Obviously, I can't just write about Douxie and not mention Archie, right? ^^ I feel like he could be wary at first, but after seeing that you're genuine and that you really care about Douxie, he'd warm up to you and start to love you. He'd probably be grateful for not being the only one to keep Douxie out of trouble anymore. He'd love all the pets and scratches you'd give him (although he'd probably claim otherwise). Douxie wouldn't know whether to be jealous, amused or to find it adorable lol.

A.N: I feel like this isn't my best work, but I hope you're satisfied anyway! This isn't proofread and most of the time I couldn't decide whether to write in present tense or "he would", so it may sound/look weird, apologies for that and for any possible mistakes.

#toa #tales of arcadia #douxie #toa x reader #douxie x reader #matchup #matchup exchange

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avampyone · 3 months ago

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Prompt #25: Aesthete

Characters: Arazul and Cecilia De'fleur, mention of Jacques

Synopsis: The siblings speak of art and eternity.

Setting: Sharlayan, Archon's design.

Warning - None.

-----------------------

The brightness of the sun blazing overhead gave cause to relief Sharalyan of the icy chill and any remaining patches of snow that dusted the grass. Despite the wonderful weather, Dr Arazul would have been content to remain locked away in his study when he found a new sort of focus to center his thoughts upon.

In several distillation experiments, he finally processed alcohol that should boost the drinker’s immune system and help to prevent oncoming illness. Yet, the doctor pondered if there was a way to strengthen the effects and see how much medicine could be brought to its highest potential.

Arazul’s plans were soon thwarted by an unexpected visit by his sister, Cecilia, who thoughtfully packed him breakfast and informed him since their father and mother were away that he would be accompanying her with her shopping to find a new dress for the upcoming Studium ball. In truth, he recognized he needed a small break from his research and made no complaints to the diversion.

A few hours later after visiting several boutiques, Arazul initially thought of carrying all her packages home but realized there were far too many to do so and opted to have them sent back. He himself took the opportunity to buy a new coat or two. On the way back, he noticed that it happened to be the first opening of the Art club’s new exhibition for the season. Naturally, Cecilia’s expression remained thoroughly puzzled by him of all people to make such a suggestion.

The heart of the truth was that Arazul was a devoted lover of art even if he would never admit it out loud. Nor would he admit any details of him making frequent visits here when time afforded him such a luxury. Artists were not so very different from himself he found – continuously working to perfect their craft and rather passionate.

At the entrance, Arazul passed the professor staffing the table at the front a small pouch of gil for the admission fee to go inside. They both walked slowly side by side with Cecilia pointing now and then usually at an abstract picture of a moogle and other such creatures that caught her eye.

He paused to stare with hooded eyes at one particular painting that outlined the evening sun slowly setting beyond the sea’s horizon. This was all painted in various hues of red that traveled down ultimately into the waving crimson sea below.

Noting the locks of gold a few shades darker than his own from the corner of his eye, the doctor thought to turn away as if to show no interest but Cecilia was too perceptive for that, “Oh! Is this one your favorite, brother? To think of it, your jackets are all various shades of red too. Surprising you do not choose something more austere – like our father prefers to wear.”

“Are you serious...? Our father dresses more modestly than even a priest would. He would think even a single glance at a piece of art to be a waste of precious time. Considering that, it would be in our best interests if you told them nothing of our visit here today.” Arazul’s tone lowered to the end like he wished no one to hear. Their father had many friends around after all.

Cecilia lifted her hand to her lips to cover her soft chuckle and nodded all too happily at the thought, “Of course! You know he scolded me right before they left on their journey for buying a treat at the market. Hmm, I guess that would be why you kept your fondness for art a secret ..What do you like about it?” Her eyes that were a deep emerald green like their mother’s own glanced between him and the painting in pure curiosity.

Arazul glanced down from the painting, his hand slowly curling into a fist at his side in the barest hint of anxiety – he had never had to explain this before since no one had ever asked him, “For me, art is the only thing that possesses a sense of longevity on this star.”

His gloved hands beckoned out to the pieces on display, all of them a moment set forever in time, “All of these pieces will continue to exist long after all of us are gone, you know? Their creators leaving a piece of themselves – their vision as if immortalizing themselves in their creations…”

With a tilt to her head, Cecilia hummed thoughtfully before she suddenly entwined her arms about the many books-likely romance novels against her chest with a dreamy giggle, “That is where you are wrong, brother! I’ve read fables about them. Beautiful ashkin roaming the night, living for an eternity! Ahh, just imagine it- A lovely count or countess inviting you to their castle to greet with a bouquet of roses and dancing!” Her voice peaked with a little squeal and clap of her hands at the thought of the romantic gesture.

Arazul barked out a bit of laughter, shaking his head at his sister. It was clear she was reading some new material, “Quite imaginative, Cecilia. If they are anything like the stories I’ve read, they would rather dine on our necks than aim any of their ill-conceived romantic notions at us. If they exist at all...” He waved his hand dismissively when he began to turn to make his way to the next painting to view.

“Arazul! Come now, why must you ruin everything...”

#hemlockeffxiv #arazuldefleur #ffxiv oc #ffxiv original character #ffxiv #ffxivwrite2024 #ffxiv writing challenge #a lil backstory on Arazul's love for art #I don't feel great about these last few entries but #I think my brain's just getting smooth from all the writing #It's been fun tho #Near the end!#Perpetuity

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george0207 · 20 days ago

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henrydavis123 · 4 months ago

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Transform Your Career with Comprehensive Aesthetic Medicine Training at KAAM

The Kosmoderma Academy of Aesthetic Medicine offers an extensive course designed to enhance the expertise of medical professionals from dermatology backgrounds.This unique platform is ideal for dermatologists currently practicing or those looking to re-enter the field after a hiatus. The course provides in-depth training across various modules, ensuring a well-rounded education in aesthetic science.

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niolanaitraining · 1 year ago

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Cosmetology Courses For Doctors

Introduction:

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#Cosmetology Courses in Mumbai #best cosmetology courses in mumbai #Cosmetology Courses For Doctors #Fellowship in Aesthetic Medicine

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river-in-the-woods · 7 months ago

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Good day/night! do you keep your western and eastern practices separate and parallel? or have you found some way to reconcile them together into one more "personalized" path maybe? how does that work for you? I'm kind of struggling with this as of late, as someone with mixed heritage, and I thought maybe you'd have some advice. Thank you.

Good day or night to you too!

In general, I keep traditions and techniques separate, unless it makes sense to put them together. It's difficult to advise on this without specifics, so perhaps you can provide a little more context for me 🙂 Let me go through a few key points, and hopefully at least one of them will provide some clarity.

Essentially, it's important know the mechanics of the practice you're doing, how it works and why. And to understand that, you have to receive adequate instruction, and engage with the practice according to its respective tradition to an adequate level.

The only personalisation I've done, is that I do the practices I want to do. But I do them according to how they are taught, and I don't mix and match unless I have a solid and well-understood reason to. There is plenty of religious and spiritual syncretism throughout history, and there are new traditions being born all the time, but the successful ones are formed with an understanding of all the influences they draw upon.

I think people's desire to overly personalise their practice very early on can end up impeding their development, or even have adverse effects depending on how they do it.

If you really want your practice to be something that helps you grow and develop as a person, you have to sometimes be willing to do things differently to your own preference.

If you go to a class – whether it's on martial arts, music, archery, biology, gardening – whatever it might be, it makes sense to follow instructions and not to assume you know better than the person teaching it. There can be room for experimentation once you've grasped the basics.

When it comes to spiritual and magical practices, there are additional stakes than just taking e.g. a pottery class. Spiritual practices have a lot more in common with medicine than they do with a casual hobby.

Practices like yoga, qigong, meditation, energy work and so on will have effects on your subtle body, which then affects your health when practiced for long periods of time. This is what those practices are created for. And they are subtle, which means you may not see an impact immediately.

If you stretch your body in a bad way, you feel immediate pain and know that you shouldn't do it like that. But with practices that affect the subtle body, it might take much longer, and the effects are not necessarily as direct and precise as they are with physical exercise.

If you do leg exercises, you pretty much only strengthen the legs. It is direct and precise. But the impact of a spiritual practice affects multiple aspects of your life: emotions, physical health, relationships, fortune, wisdom...

And of course, interfacing with spirits and gods can affect your fate in all of these ways.

There are insidious ways you can mess up your health and well-being if you don't practice properly. Otherwise, at best, nothing will happen and you'll just be wasting your time. Maybe it makes you feel cool – a lot of people get into spiritual practices because it's aesthetically pleasing and they're just looking for ways to reinforce a particular identity.

Again, that is not what these practices were created for, nor how they operate best.

I'm not saying that LARPing as a... I don't know... a dark tantric priestess of Hekate, Morrigan and Kali and 7 other gods, is going to ruin your life.

But I do see how people become obsessed and infatuated with their personal image, chasing the thrill of the aesthetic, and the thrill of self-categorisation. (It's a great marketing strategy, haha...)

As a mixed race person, I understand your position. I have had identity issues all my life. Part of why I got into all this was because I struggled deeply with who I am, where I belong, and what I'm even doing in this world. Caught between different countries, families, cultures, ideologies. I wanted something that was just for me, instead of feeling constantly torn in multiple directions. But which side does a bridge belong to? Does a bird belong in the sky or in the trees?

I don't think this is something you can reconcile by forcing two different worlds to integrate. I mean, maybe you can do this with two different cultures in the same region, or even on the same continent. But in my case... England and China are very, very different. Rather, I find more success to be found by choosing what influences to draw on at any given situation.

If you want genuine change – if you really want this path to empower you and help you feel at peace with yourself – you will trip over yourself if you try to make this about your identity. A big portion of spirituality is about deconstructing one's identity and ego, to realise that the world is far greater and more intricate than we know, and that there are no simple answers to life's great endeavours.

If anything, you have an advantage in this regard.

You will have to learn to be nimble, and resist the temptation to find the 'perfect' social-cultural-spiritual space to fit yourself into. Be nimble and learn to walk between worlds, and belong comfortably to all of them at the same time.

I hope this long ramble has been helpful to you 🌿 Good luck on the path.

PS: I recommend Consorting with Spirits by Jason Miller. It may further answer your questions on how to work with multiple traditions and pantheons.

#spirituality #cultivation #witchcraft #spirit work #syncretism #resources #inbox #anonymous

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sonia-kate · 2 years ago

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Speculations and theories after 16th episode of King-Ohger

A new episode and a new theory! Or rather expanding on previous ones. Or even more accurately, in my case, adding new ingredients to the soup of ideas and speculations

So in the latest episode of King-Ohger (16th) we learned that the culprit behind the Wrath of Gods was actually identified and they are being held captive by the previous Supreme Judge (or whatever Rita's title is). The whole thing involved the Queen to fake her death and guard the cultprit for 15 years, while her husband takes the blame for killing her and spends said 15 years in prison and they leave the responsibility of ruling Gokkan to a 10-year-old Rita. They went with all those measures, because apparently, the crime committed cannot be judged by law (or sth like that). Well, causing a world-wide disaster and slaughtering lots of people seems like something that would easily get you a life sentence or even a death penalty, without going through all of that trouble, which means that this case can't possibly be that simple. Not only the guilt can't be clearly stated, but also, the case itself requires secrecy

Now, we've been given various glipses of information about the Wrath of Gods throughout the episodes, but during narration Jerami mentioned some interesting detail. He said that after the fated event, all the countries became dependant on Shugoddom. Now that we think about what we've got so far, it all makes sense. Rita and Himeno were just little children, N'kosopa was just a ruin at the time, used as a scrap heap of Shugoddom (as Yanma said). Meanwhile, Racules would be around 16 years old at the time and prepared to rule all his life, so it feels natural that he would take the lead in the world after the Wrath. The only exception being Kaguragi and Toufu. Kaguragi was in similar age as Racules and since he managed to lead a rebellion against the previous ruler, he clearly has leadership skills. But then, what is the very next thing that happens between Toufu and Shugoddom? Kaguragi secures help for Toufu in form of Demi-Shugods from Shugoddom in exchange for his own sister! Now, the only ruler that could potentially rival with Racules has become his puppet! Seems a little too convenient, doesn't it?

Let's go back to Shugoddom for a moment. So far, other kingdoms had rather clear themes. N'kosopa creates technology, Ishabana's domain are medicine and art, Toufu is all about agriculture and providing food and Gokkan is essentially an international prison colony, but Shugoddom was quite puzzling for the fanbase as to what does it do exactly? Sure, we've known it's the first kingdom or that it's aesthetic theme are gears and so on, but until recently we couldn't exactly figure out what could they provide to the other kingdoms. Now we know that Shugoddom's primary export goods are their Demi-shugods, like the snails and spiders traded for Suzume, those flying little TVs or pillbug taxi. This brings us back to the Wrath of the Gods, as Himeno mentioned that Shugoddom didn't send their demi-shugods to help them. And, of course, there is that gigantic swarm of cicadas

One can already see where this is going. Yes, indeed. I suspect that King Red killed with poison in Ishabana! (They're all even colour coded, anyway...) Previous king of Shugoddom and Gira and Racules' father, despite not showing up in the show so far at all nor being discussed by the characters, already has his name - Corsus Hastie - revealed back from the times when the show was just starting. Now that we know that not all previous kings are dead and could show up in the show, this could point to the relevance of the character to the story.

Before we'll go to his potential motives of let's go through means. As we know, Shugoddom produces demishugods, so if anyone could produce the swarm of cicadas, someone important in Shugoddom would be the best bet (unless it's some ancient army that layed dormant for years or sth). But he'd also need GodScorpion's venom. As we know, Sasorine's soul was in Gokkan, but the Shugod itself was called by Gira in Shugoddom. In episode 13 or so, Himeno wants Gira to communicate with Scopi, but he's unable to reach it in Ishabana, and he only hears the Greater Shugods underneath Shugoddom. This suggests that GodScorpion has been lying underneath Shugoddom the whole time and if so, even without the soul, King Corsus didn't have very far from the Shugod if he wanted to gather the venom for his purposes. The problematic would be actually going underground and knowing that GodScorpion is there in the first place. That's where the Bugnarok comes in! We saw them store the Greater Guardian Deities at their HQ and Gira sensing them under Shugoddom. Also, when Jerami emerges out of Bugnarok hiding place, he makes his first appearance in Shugoddom. This suggests that Bugnarok's main base lies right under Shugoddom (unless they have more than one and/or network of tunnels leading to every kingdom, but at least them sitting under Shugoddom is confirmed). That makes any potential cooperation between Shugoddom and Bugnarok far more convenient

But if he really was the one behind the Wrath of Gods, what would his reasons be? Of course, he could have simply wanted to seize the other kingdoms, but if his motive was simply conquest, then his conviction would be rather simple as well, wouldn't it? Unless the reason would be sth like not wanting for a conflict to break out between the kingdoms, but that's rather doubtful, imo. Far more probable, imo, would be if he had some good intentions behind his actions, but it still wouldn't justify, even slightly, what he bought upon the world, because whatever he was aiming at, sacrificing some people to make it better for others is completely unjust, as the other group could have lived just fine as they were and thus the improvement would have been just a whim and not a necessity. But what if it was? What if he sacrificed one group of people to save another one? Here we'd have a typical trolley problem

If, let's say, Bugnarok managed to plant giant cacoons (like the ones in episode 10) under every major city of Shugoddom and threaten to blow them up, destroying the whole kingdom? For example, of course. We already know that Bugnarok waited 2000 years not because they were dormant or anything like that, but because they were following Jerami's prophecy. Nothing prevents them from preparing for the foretold year. As we know, their hideout is right under Shugoddom so they could have prepared it without a problem and going to the King to blackmail him would be just a short trip as well. Add to that any of the variants of "Bugnarok meddles within Shugoddom court" theories and the king would find himself backed into a corner

Now, I don't know how would they possibly solve a threat like this in the show nor why wouldn't Bugnarok just do it with all of the kingdoms, but regardless of what the threat is exactly, it can't be really judged in an indisputable matter. As a king of Shugoddom, his duty would require him to save his people, even if it means dirtying his hands, as Kaguragi would say. On the other hand, he killed many other people to achieve that and it can't just go unpunished. What's more, revealing the threat will not only cause a mass panic among the population and may provoke the Bugnarok to fullfill the threat. Even if they don't if the king returns, they might just force him to do another horrible thing

With the king gone, the judgement remains unresolved and Bugnarok is left with no one to further blackmail. Well, except Racules who would become the new king. The question is, why wouldn't they blackmail him back at the time? Ah, yes, the prophecy that foretold Bugnarok's return 15 later. But then, why would Corsus have to disappear? Or maybe the disappearance wasn't something he planned, but was caught by the Gokkan crew? That being said, Racules being left with the country to govern, surrounded by Bugnarok spies would be hard enough, so having to also take care of his younger brother who could be used as another way to blackmail him would be exhausting

Here into play comes Gira's kidnapping. The reason why his very existance was erased, being that the information of his kidnapping would bring dishonour to the royal family always sounded like a bullshit excuse. If the situation described above would take place, though, Gira disappearing from the castle would not only ensure Gira's safety and lighten Racules' burden, it would leave Racules as the only remaining member of the royal family that would be available to Bugnarok. If Bugnarok tried to put a usurper on the throne, they wouldn't have as much support or devotion from the population like the rightful heir to the throne. What's more, power shift could raise people's suspicions and have them speculate on the reasons behind the power shift, risking Bugnarok to be revealed 15 years prematurely. To the equation we should add OhgerCalibur ZERO and King-Ohger ZERO. Those can only be used by someone with the genes of a Hastie family. Racules being the last of his family would make him untouchable to Bugnarok, if they want to make use of KingOhger ZERO

Bugnarok's involvement in Wrath of Gods is rather clear when we see Kamejim being dead-set on eliminating Shiron as soon as he left the prison. Shiron knows far too much and thus should be eliminated. If even he knows as little as who the culprit was, if it truly was Corsus Hastie, it would point everyone towards Shugoddom and could expose Bugnarok's machinations within the kingdom. Then why wouldn't Bugnarok kill him earlier, throughout those 15 years? Could be that they didn't want to draw attention to him, but if he spilled the beans they would be exposed and wouldn't be able to stop him on time. I guess it is possible that prison in Gokkan is just too well-secured to get in there. Sure, we saw Bugnarok break into the castle in episode 5, but it's possible that the cells are extra durant, as to prevent prisoners from digging their way out, and this way making it impossible for Bugnarok to reach

Why bring this up now? Well, if we remember the duel between Hastie brothers, Racules' demand regarding Gira's defeat was for him to be locked up in Gokkan. What's more, Racules thanked Kaguragi for his cooperation with capturing Gira, because if the matter didn't have international nature, Rita wouldn't take care of it. One could question whether Kaguragi was supposed to bring Gira back to Racules and decided to hand him over to Rita on his own accord, but Racules' reaction and the fact that Rita is seen investigating the case even before Gira was finally captured by Kaguragi suggests otherwise. If Shiron remained safely in his cell throughout 15 years, this suggests that so would Gira, yet not only Rita refused to put Gira into a safe cell in Gokkan, she also revealed to everyone Gira's identity as Racules' younger brother, putting both of them in even greater danger than before. No wonder that usually calm Racules lost his cool at that very moment

There are other things about Racules and Shugoddom that are yet to be covered. For example, his alliance with Bugnarok. If Bugnarok infiltrated Shugoddom, why make such a fuss about it? First of all, it's very possible that the infiltrating operation was Kamejim's doing and the meeting was supposed to have Desnarak involved. Another thing would be, that right now Racules' cooperation with Bugnarok is clear to everyone and no one is very surprised because they know that the peace negotiations took place. If they hadn't happen, it could make everyone question how did Shugoddom even manage to contact Bugnarok let alone to convince them to join forces. What's more, in current situation, it's very easy to shift the blame for the invasion on Jerami. After all, it's his silly idea of getting humans and Bugnarok to coexist that led to the disaster, didn't it? And he was the one who introduced Racules and Desnarak to each other! Because, of course, there is no evidence that the two had ever interacted between that very moment, isn't it?

Another yet unsolved mystery of Shugoddom and the Hastie family is GodKuwagata, it remaining dormant for years and Gira waking it up as well as Gira's ability to talk to Shugods. First of all, since we know that Shugoddom is filled with demishugods, can Gira talk to them too, can he only talk to guardian deities or maybe he'd be able to but the demi-shugods just don't talk much? Another thing is, since Shogoddom is literally State of Shugods (Shugod; -dom), could it be possible that whole Hastie family has that ability? After all, Racules still remains an enigma and he keeps his cards hidden, given above specultions, even from his closest coworkers. Maybe the ability to talk to shugods is related to the very same part of their genes that provides them with the red marks on their right temple and allows them to operate KingOhger ZERO?

But back to Kuwagon. When Gira manages to awaken it, Racules reacts by saying that it's impossible. He isn't shown to be accompanied by anyone, so we can assume that wasn't part of his act to keep Gira's identity hidden. This, together with the fact that GodKuwagata has been dormant for many years, suggests that Racules was genuinely surprised and didn't have an idea of what has happened. Again, if the theory above would turn out to be correct, it would mean that Racules has known about Bugnarok in Shogoddom's royal court, about Wrath of the Gods and circumstances of Gira's kidnapping. He's always seemed like he knows much more than other kings. He also seemed to recognize Jerami when he first appeared and Jerami's mention of history before the Great War seemed to mapke him realise something, but awakaning of Kuwagon seemed to be a surprise even for him. Again, Bugnarok weren't dormant themselves, they only waited 2000 years to reemerge because of Jerami's prophecy and thus they were able to still act and make their moves and preparations during that time. Imo, it's not impossible that the Bugnarok moles have been residing in Shugoddom for centuries. Maybe they were even the ones behind God Kuwagata going dormant or the fact that it's the only Guardian Deity without its soul being located within its cockpit

Another thing to speculate on is Suzume, she's been in Caucasus Kabuto Castle for 15 years already. I'm very curious on what did she learn over that time and what her relationship with Racules really is. Could she be in on the whole thing as well? Maybe they somehow cooperate together under Bugnarok's noses? It's worthto mention, that it's most likely thanks to her why Kaguragi decided to surrender Toufu to Racules and seeing what is about to happen in N'kosopa next week, I wouldn't be surprised if it was deliberate action to spare Toufu the same fate

What comes to mind are also flashbacks of Racules and Yanma working together in the past, contrasted with Yanma being now the one who opposes Racules the most. Coincidentally, he is the one that wasn't appointed as the ruler right after the events of the Wrath of Gods and he is the one who broke off from under Racules' leadership over the Quintet Alliance. Could Racules have done something to set Yanma against him? I mean, he sure had to, but did he do it on purpose? After all, (again, according to speculations above) the Wrath of Gods was specifically engineered to have all the other kingdoms to fall under Shogoddom's influence, that was by now in Bugnarok's grip. We remember how easy it was for Kaguragi to manipulate others in episode 4 as long as he ticked the correct boxes. Yanma and his drive to always emerge on top, as well as circumstances of his raise to power would make him the perfect target to sabotage the Alliance, if such necessity would occure. And if Alliance being led by Racules was orchestrated by the Bugnarok themselves, then it makes it quite possible that Racules purposefully discouraged Yanma towards himself, to sabotage Bugnarok's efforts. (Or maybe Yanma is on it as well? Though I doubt it)

That being said, I love all the little pieces we've been getting throughout the show and how such a complex intrigue is forming right in front of our eyes! I can't wait to see next episode and to finally see Racules back in action and working with Bugnarok, nonetheless. Many people already pointed out that Racules' evil mannerism from the preview resemble Gira's. Of course, that brings back suspicion that the two brothers used to play the exact same way as Gira did with kids in the orphanage, just with Racules playing the role of the Evil King, instead. I can't wait for more to be revealed and to see how the events unfold and what will the upcoming episodes bring to the table

Summary (speculations, not confirmed, major points)

Bugnarok has infiltrated Shugoddam's royal court over 15 years ago

Corsus Hastie, previous king of Shugoddom and Racules and Gira's father, is the culprit behind events of the Wrath of the Gods

He was forced to do so by the Bugnarok that infiltrated his kingdom and that's why judging his crime is such a difficult matter

Gira was taken from the royal court and erased from records for his own safety

Racules is in on everything: Bugnarok infiltrators, Wrath of the Gods etc.

Racules tried to imprison Gira in Gokkan to keep him safe like Shiron

Racules is forced to cooperate with Bugnark just like his father was

#king ohger #ohsama sentai king ohger #kingohger #ohsama sentai kingohger #racules hastie #shugoddom #gira hastie #bugnarok #super sentai #theory #speculations #damn it's a long one

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mystery--mist · 8 days ago

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Hey mist, if you watch Helluva Bosses' new episode You be in a surprise involving uhhh....New Sins?

Sorry for the late answer aaaah!! I always take my time to answer properly asks but again, so busy, sorry!

I watched the episode immediately and I enjoyed so much! Seeing all the sins together (except Lucifer) made me truly happy aaaah So far my fav episode!

I love seeing they have kind of "Royal Hellish Trial" with the 7 sins in Hell for this kind of things or serious matters. I guess Lucifer is the one who judges by default since he is the King of Hell. But since Lucifer is absent due to his depression issue, and Hazbin Hotel events I guess, Satan is the second in charge by their hierarchy of Rings. The Trial is so epic and cool how is set up. The big throne up there is hella epic and the rest of sins under it.

I guess Satan made his own "throne" to don't touch the Royal one due to respect. I mean, if you sit down in a throne not yours is disrespectful and insulting in this kind of hierarchy and society. Although Lucifer can care less in his current state :")

Also I noticed the Sins wear other different outfits (Asmodeus, Mammon and Beelzebub), I guess their royal outfits as princes/princesses of the sins (or Kings/Queens dunno). I think this alternative outfits represent the circus roles once more.

Lucifer, The Ringmaster

Satan, The Strongman

Mammon, The Clown

Beelzebub, The Animal Tamer

Asmodeus, The Fire Breather

Belphegor, The Magician

Leviathan, The Freak Show

Some are obvious, others are more ambiguous, still not sure about Leviathan but I'm sure Belphegor is related to magic.

Satan design is so damn epic and hot!!

No wonder why Bee mentioned he was hot and wanted to fuck him in her episode XD This dragon daddy looks and sounds truly sexy-hot. That deep voice is quite menacing and authoritative.

Dragons are majestic and threatening, it fits so great with Satan, quite powerful vibes. Also I like the detail he has another second pair of horns similar to male Imps, that says a lot of the character as creator of the Imp species. Dragons are lizards and Imps have a kinda demon-lizards aspect as well with the tail, horns and red skin. The same traits that Satan has. Quite wise design ^^

Also the good representation of his own sin, Wrath, he has anger issues so he has a lil demon to help him to manage and control them XD Yeah it's the best to stay calm, you can't judge someone and make decisions when your emotions control you.

Belphegor design is so pretty and adorable, so fluffy!

I thought she was a giraffe for the long neck and the candle reminded to a giraffe horn, but can be also a llama because llamas have fluffy hair :")

I always loved the fact she has a candle on the head. Candles can represent the subconscious or dream world, due to she represent Sloth sin and sleeps a lot, fits quite well, also candles can represent knowledge, and I believe Bee mentioned she had medicines, powerful drugs surely and ingredients. The field of medicine is known as a field where you must have enough/high knowledge about what you are doing and using to create said medicine. Once more fit with her. And of course, candles in christian mythology represent the Soul. The eyes partner also is related to the Soul or mystic symbols.

Can't wait to hear her voice and see her personality to know more about her ^^

Leviathan design looks rad!

I didn't expect 2 heads in her design but it doesn't bother me!

I love the marine aesthetic, well since is marine monster in the mythology :"D I like the trait of the 2 heads because I believe it represents well her sin Envy since it exists the 2 kind of Envies: Malicious Envy and Benign Envy. Unlike the popular tradition, Envy doesn't represent the typical angry jealous person, you can also feel envy without having bad intentions.

The Malicious Envy, represented by the snake head, more skeptical and stoic. The one that has negative connotations, the typical, bad wishes and toxic emotions (fury, resentment, frustration) toward the other person. Destructive behavior towards yourself and the other person.

The Benign Envy, represented by the friendly head, less toxic than the other and more positive. This envy feel admiration for the other person and wants to emulate it. For example, if someone wears a beauty dyed hair that you like, you want also that dyed hair, or when you want to emulate your idol and be like them of cool (typical in teens). This envy also want to surpass yourself, set ambitious goals and motivate yourself. Although benign envy also stems from a lack of personality because you only want what others have without stopping to think about what you truly want. But in general, is less destructive.

I also must mention, dunno which head has more control over the body, maybe both and sometimes one win to the other. But when Mammon tries to flirt with Levy the first time.

The friendly head seems to be ok with Mammon while the Snake one is annoyed and take the control of the body to avoid him which results in the other head look surprised by the sudden action and gets angry with her other head, she didn't agree with the action.

Can't wait also to hear her voice and know more about her when she has her own episode.

⊹˚₊‧──────────────❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤──────────────‧₊˚⊹

Side extra personal note: I like how Vivzie represents the Deadly Sins characters, not because of the design but mainly cause of their personality/behavior. People complains they are not the stereotypical Sins so no accurate and "bad design", "no original", which I disagree. It would be quite boring if they were like the typical design of each Sin, that YES WOULD BE NO ORIGINAL AT ALL. I like them because they are different in fact. And people who makes redesigns ONLY as degatory intention and play the card "I fix your design" are quite nasty, honestly. The great most of them create mediocre designs, very generic and without any personality. And of course, about people that genuine enjoys playing with the designs and want to redesign them to explore their skills, they are totally ok for me ♥

⊹˚₊‧──────────────❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤──────────────‧₊˚⊹

I must mention, finally they addressed something I liked, Ozzy and Bee enjoy hang out with the lowest ranks. It seems nobody else except Mammon has a "problem" with that (?) I mean, yeah big drama, both levels of hierarchy interaction like equals, but since they are quite poweful and one of the most highest ranks in Hell, nobody should give a fuck about it. Mammon just being a bitchy about it because stupid classist. But yeah I like it exists dramas between the same Sins, some get along and others don't.

Asmodeus and Beezelbub totally sibling team power hehe High Five!

I like seeing part of Levy shows care for Mammon in the same frame XD

Also Satan just facepalm-ing because these 3 are fighting.

They are totally Siblings Family core! ♥

I also want to address this fact as well since I find important to remark. It seems Mammon has a good feeling with Leviathan, and maybe mutuals (just from her friendly side).

I mean, she was still angry with her other head/side and Mammon goes back and call her, quickly she genuinely smiles at him XD

I ship them :"D Are they in love, your Honor?

But anyway, being Mammon an asexual character, canonized in the promotional art for Pride Month, I want to say that it’s amazing to finally see an asexual person showing romantic interest and even, perhaps, a subtle sexual implication by asking Leviathan out. This is something I needed to see on screen because people often have a misguided perception of asexual individuals, assuming they can’t feel love, romantic interest, or sexual attraction towards others, which is entirely false. An asexual person can fall in love, have a partner, and engage in sexual relationships if they choose to. The asexual spectrum is broad, ranging from little to no interest in sex and/or romance. Not all asexual people share the same tastes or interests, and like anyone else from any other identity, they have their own preferences.

I hope Alastor fans stop defending the character like white knights and treating him as someone innocent and pure... Alastor can have a relationship if he wanted, yes, stop harassing people who ships him with another character only because you don't understand what is to be asexual, thank you ♥

And yes, like 4 mentions/references to Lucifer in the episode :"D He "exists"

And of course, Satan, King of Lies, just bitching XD

And the last thing I want to mention here is the symbols of every Sin Realm. Truly precious all of them!

Lucifer symbol being shattered, so meaningful due to his current state with the depression, the loss of someone, his absence.

And here the Sigils of every Demon Sin

Source image link

Which are real symbols in the demonology. Goetia demons also have sigils. I think you can see Stolas or Paimon ones as well

And in the trial as well, in their chairs are their sigils

And I guess the big pentagram there it represents the Trial of Satan

I think these all my thoughts about the Sins only so far :"D

#Helluva Boss #Mist Rambles #Deadly Sins #Mystery Mist Ask #Sorry for my long ass text

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mickmundy · 2 years ago

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Big Post of some of my bushmedicine headcanons... hehee... my personal thoughts on medic and sniper as a couple, my favorite dynamics, etc!

starting it off by saying that i think this ship works best when its post-comics. i like the idea of the two of them Knowing each other as teammates (but not really Friends), and then sniper's revival being the Strange Insane Catalyst that.. "brings them together".

that said i don't think medic loves sniper Solely because he's his greatest achievement; him Defying Modern Medicine for sniper (of all people) was definitely Not something either of them expected! medic has always held appreciation for sniper as a teammate and respects his craft

but didn't really come to appreciate him as a Person until after the gray mann stuff. because they’re both workaholics it was hard for them to really ‘get to know’ each other. both value the other as teammates but simply never thought of getting any closer.

i think it would take Effort on both of their parts to “get the ball rolling” in terms of talking to one another a bit more personally. they’re socially very different after all! but i think they'd both be Pleasantly Surprised that they find each other very Easy to be around!

and, no, i do not think sniper is “afraid” of medic or what he does. sniper’s been around gore and death for as long as he’s been alive and willingly volunteered to get the uber implant! i think it would be more likely that he’d ask medic to give him gills or claws before he’d be running away screaming in fear lol. but that’s just me!

love to think of them both as Weird Only Children but on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. sniper is shut in and felt Both smothered And abandoned by his parents. medic is Just A Hellion and always has been. doesn't feel one Dramatic way or another for/about his parents and that's that! i think medic loves/d his family but just thought it was like... Funny that they ever tried to Contain him! medic is Sympathetic sniper's complicated family issues but can't Relate. his family was Very Direct, just like him! LOL

they have very different energy, but i don’t see that as a flaw or a bad thing, nor do i see either of them seeking to change the other. sniper likes that medic loves to babble and medic likes that sniper is quiet and likes to listen!

at first i think both of them would struggle to read one another, since they are So different! but medic and sniper love to learn things, especially(/sometimes Only) if they’re interested in the person they’re learning from!

part of what makes this ship so charming to me is that they aren’t like. love at first sight, or second sight, or third sight… they’re two people that Saw A Spark in each other and work at their relationship! it makes them feel very Real to me!

medic knows sniper’s body really.. intimately. before they started dating he knew it of course as the team’s doctor, but when they got together… it’s like exploring something that’s been right in front of you the whole time… for the first time…

which excites medic because i think he’d be like “hooh! all of this in front of me this whole time and i didn’t even think to-!” and he leans down and kisses sniper’s scars which makes sniper soooo……………………ummm………………h*rny………. i mean……………….. Silly!

that said i think they also have had Aesthetic Appreciation for one another and/or would be like “yeah i’d absolutely **** him if i got the chance but i’ll just leave it at a fantasy” but as far as wanting to Date or Become More… that’s super new for both of them…

sniper hates/fears commitment and medic just never really enjoyed the idea of Entertaining any Romantic Connections long-term (work comes first for both of them!) but once medic is invested he’s like “if you don’t ask me out by letting me take a nap in your ribcage then forget it”… he loves the Passion!! he wants to know his partner is just as Devoted to him as he is to him!! and sniper is Very Passionate and has a lot of love to Give! once you get him to confess that hehe… but i think medic enjoys “the chase” and thinks of it like a fun game!! he likes that it's Only Him that elicits Those Feelings/Reactions in sniper... it makes him feel Special!

imo they’re the perfect delicious physical manifestation of their work (sniper is medic’s greatest achievement! and medic saved his life!).. so they’re both just woven into so many different parts of them that when they Finally come together they’re just… One…

i don’t think sniper is/was traumatized by his death. i think he’s someone who knew/accepted death and that it could come for him at any time, so he’s never been afraid of dying. but i don’t think anyone could be prepared for being Revived…

and i think sniper is always saddled with Complicated Feelings of Being Worthy of/Deserving Things. he was raised to live humbly and appreciate what he had, so anything “extravagant” (by his standards) being done for him always leaves him kind of Perplexed. feels like he has to Earn something to Deserve it, even when it comes to feeling things. “i can’t feel bad/mad/sad/glad/etc if i don’t have a Reason”. feelings should be put into categories and Understood for him. he’s very “in his head” about every single little thing! which is why he clings to the Ideal of “professionalism”!

whereas medic very freely feels and says and does whatever the fuck he wants because thats how He was raised. he doesn’t think he should smother himself for anyone for any reason and if you imply that he should he’ll knock you in the mouth LOL.

“aren’t you tired of being professional? don’t you want to go apenshitten?” medic trying to encourage sniper to have Fun and Live A Little! and sniper can’t really resist medic’s charisma and Charm… hehee… its fun to think about sniper being wrapped up in being Professional and medic being like “we’re being professional, we’re Doing our Professions! who says we can’t also have FUN with it!” (medic is being Sadistic about it whereas thats Against sniper’s Beliefs) and that makes sniper laugh and shake his head and smile…

i believe that sniper is the more emotionally-immature one. not in touch with his feelings whatsoever and is more prone to “breaking down” (usually isolating but sometimes Lashing Out). medic is impulsive but has great self control (Only when he wants to!) and is Very in touch with his own feelings at all times.

sniper sees his job as A Job. a Duty a Task Things He Is Contractually Obligated to do. but medic sees it as a total wildcard playing field where he's constantly testing the limits to see what he can get away with, what he can do and how much fun he can have!

at first sniper is taken aback/a bit overwhelmed by medic’s In Your Face demeanor but comes to really love it. he likes that medic doesn’t mince words or play mind games (when it really counts, anyway) and he can rely on the doctor to mean what he says when he says it. he hates having to “decode” people!

medic typically doesn’t bother with trying to “decode” people, but he’s patient with sniper and his lack of communication know-how/willingness. sometimes sniper can be very stubborn! but medic just giggles and sits with him and is like “i could sit here all day! >:) so take all the time you need!” and sniper’s never had anyone Actually Willing to Sit Here All Day for him so medic’s love for “a challenge” becomes something really endearing to him… and he doesn’t feel like a Burden or a Challenge to his doctor…!

petnames!! if you’ve read my fics you already know of sniper calling medic dovey, and medic calling sniper spatz/spatzchen, which means “sparrow”, because house sparrow face markings remind medic of sniper’s sideburns! i also love the idea of sniper calling medic his plover and medic calling sniper his krokodil, like the symbiotic relationship of the bird that hangs out in the mouth of crocodiles!

sniper also calls medic pidge/pigeon, or nurse too! if they’re alone, sniper will pepper in a “-darling, -sweetness, etc” after the petname of choice! medic loves cooing at sniper and really laying the petnames on thick, and while sniper still isn’t As Bold as medic in public, in private he loves smothering medic right back! hehe

“you gonna behave yourself out there today?” <- sniper says things like this before they Fight and it makes medic giggle and shake his head and be like “ABSOLUTELY NOT! >:)” and sniper chuckles and is like “mhmm… ://)”.. sniper also calls medic Death or RED Death, whispering it low in his ear before they go into combat… and it makes medic shoot through the roof with heart eyes like in loony tunes…. his mind is NOT on medicine for the rest of the match! hehe!

medic knows sniper doesn’t like drawing attention to himself in public, so he does his best to be respectful of that. they both like keeping things Professional in combat, but sometimes medic will scoop sniper up clean off his feet and spin around before putting him down with a shrill laugh if he just had a particularly exciting kill. sniper loves medic’s excited outbursts of energy and it always leaves him wobbly-legged and breathless!

sniper’s friends (demo, engie, scout) love breaking sniper’s balls about dating/being in love. they’ll tease the crap out of him and make him light up red with fluster because ha ha! Stoic Professional Turned Loverboy! medic’s friends (spy, heavy, pyro) have much more insightful talks about their relationship and give medic advice (or listen to medic gush about how cute he thinks sniper is)!

both bond over medicine… obviously! sniper is a survivalist and therefore extremely resourceful and medic eats up all of his advice and wisdom! he also loves listening to sniper talk about his days as a hunter before he came to mann co. the one where he slept in the corpse of a water buffalo is medic’s favorite!

they also love talking about exotic animals (medic is very curious and sniper is very knowledgeable), jazz/classical music, botany and nonfiction literature! they’re not Literary Buffs like spy and heavy, but they enjoy learning new things and like to read things they can put down and pick up again a week later.

they’re both very touchy-feely! in public they’re a bit more reserved but sniper will still hook his finger in one of medic’s belt straps and pull him close to him, or medic will slip his hand into sniper’s back pocket (and squeeze his butt just to fluster him! hoo!)

sniper is absolutely the earlier riser and is very Routine Based. medic makes his own schedule and if you don’t like it you can ***. if he knows medic had a late night, he’ll go and feed his doves and put a pot of coffee on for him and leave a shirt of his next to him in bed so medic can wake up smelling him!

they love cooking for/sharing food with each other; often nothing too fancy, but something as simple as peeling an orange and sharing it is as intimate as a kiss… they’re both guilty of getting too wrapped up in their work to remember to eat, so one will often remember when the other doesn’t! plus, eating together accomplishes two things: spending time together and eating, so they both enjoy the Double Productivity of it!

i do not think sniper stinks like pee or keeps jarate in his van and i’ve talked about that in the thread i made for him specifically BUT anyway. i think they’re both Very Hygienic people who also love getting their hands dirty. they love a good sweat session on the field (or.. alone… elsewhere… hehee <3) and love the Smell of each other.

they love being silly! medic tends to bring this out in sniper and he might have thought it was originally Cringe but medic has shown him how to be silly and fun-loving and full of whimsy! they play chase (medic will pinch sniper’s butt and take off running and howling with laughter and sniper will snicker and Eagerly Pursue) and hide and seek, which is their favorite… medic loves seeing sniper in action and showing off his skills that aren’t Just sniping! tracking, Hunting… and of course, he loves being the thing he’s Hunting >:)! its a very fun flirtatious game for them!

another merc being like “where’s sniper?” medic giggling and being like “hoo! <v< hoh! >v> i don’t know!! isn’t that exciting!! ehee hee! ^v^” and the other mercs being like :|? KSDKFDSF.. i think they’re very Weird and Cringe and Free as a couple and while the other mercs might not Get Them they are happy for their friends :)

sniper is very quiet and medic is often easy to sneak up on (sniper likes to do so >:)) and when medic tries sneaking up on sniper (he is not as good at it….) sometimes sniper will be like “aht aht. heard you comin’ five miles away!” or he’ll be like “GASP!! awh you got me. you sneaky thing!” just because he likes to see his pretty dovey win ://)

sniper's "gotta make a necklace outta your teeth" line. medic hears him say it on the field and is like "wait. do you really do that?" and sniper's like “y’wanna find out?" and medic's like ">//u//< JA!" sniper surprises him with a necklace of human teeth... fit for a king <3

we know medic is Weird but i also like to imagine sniper being Weird too. he and medic are putting their hands in the dirt finding worms bugs snakes etc.. sniper giving medic bird heart pendants and snake venom etc etc.. medic's like "ohh hee hee! we are married now i think! ^v^"

#the way these are only a small amount of them that i have in my mind... <3 #tf2 #bushmedicine #sniper #medic #HEHEHEHE >:)#i am crazy and i love them. so #here you go #sniper x medic #dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #medsnip

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