#best way to end my night
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Absolutely sobbing to be on this list with so many other amazingly talented writers. Thank you so much Grace!!!!!
BTS | MYG | FIC RECS
This list is probably one of the longer ones cause sheesh... I'm a sucker for cats 😭 I hope you'll enjoy the fics as much as I have and don't forget to tell the authors how much you've liked their work!!
Have some spices 😌...
Three Tangerines, @kithtaehyung (smut, brother's best friend, implied age gap au)
Illicit Favours, @yoongiofmine (Fluff, tiny angst, smut, non idol au. Friends to Lovers)
Oh, Darling!, @yoongiofmine (Series, fluff, angst, smut, non idol au, university au)
Predator, @liveyun (gangster au, smut)
Apricity, @liveyun (arranged marriage au, strangers to lovers)
Petals, @yoonia (parenthood au, fluff)
The devil wears Valentino, @orchidyoonkook (One Shot, Spooky AU, Supernatural Creatures AU, Age Gap, Slice of Life, Angst, Smut, Fluff)
Sugar, @zehakoo (strangers to lovers, neighbours au, fluff, smut)
Peaches in bed, @borathae (Smut, married life!AU, domestic!AU)
Yoongi's Lullaby, @jiminrings (unrequited love friends to lovers soulmate au)
Snow Blanket, @yoonieper (friends to lovers, fluff, smut)
A Wager of Lords and Love, @hisunshiine (regency era au, arranged marriage au, s2l, fluff, smut, angst)
By The Time I've Figured Out What It's Worth, @ugh-yoongi (est. relationship, marriage au, angst, smut, fluff)
Bad Things, @yoonia (Brothel!au, Street Fighter!Yoongi, Escort!reader)
Close Call, @xjoonchildx (smut, mafia AU)
The Little Things, @kth1 (Smut, 21+, Slice of Life, One Shot)
Sweet Morning, @7ndipity (slightly suggestive, implied smut, implied drinking, swearing)
Shy, @7ndipity (smut, unprotected sex, soft dom-ish Yoongi)
Hello Soulmate, @bluemari23 (soulmate au, soulmarks, fluff)
Celestial Ruin, @remedyx (Fantasy, Angst, Smut, Corruption)
Carnal Desires, @explicit-tae (smut, stripper reader, mafia/gangster yoongi, grinding, finger sucking)
Moonlit Throne, @hobidreams (smut, angst, fluff)
Desolate, @angelicyoongie (angst, fluff, eventual smut)
The Perks of Being a Househusband, @sunnebeam (marriage au, crack, domesticity, yoongi in his stay-at-home hubs era)
Give It To Me, @ki-yomii (smut, dirty talk, oral (f receiving), praise kink, dom!yoongi, established relationship, pet names)
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TK/Carlos + Touch
↳ 4.18 In Sickness and In Health (Deleted Scene)
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tk/carlos + touch#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#i'm playing a game called 'how many individual wedding sets can i stretch this series out to include' lol#the way tk gently cradles carlos' head while trying not to get cake in his hair at the same time#and his face in the end too#he couldn't NOT touch carlos' face while kissing him even though he has cake all over his hands#so he does his best lmao#my gifs#queue it up#(i'm feeling mid about this set so i'm posting it in the dead of night when i don't have to think about it lol)#tarlos touch series
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Logging out for a while, love you miss you <3
#idk when I'll be back on#I think maybe end of the month to test the waters but we'll see#someone was having a bad day and decided to take it out in my inbox last night#and then when I logged off they got mad I didn't answer and sent a few more 🤪#usually I'm pretty good at rationalizing these things. gen z feels like the only place they have power is on the internet so of course when#they're angry and scared they're going to come after the people that they can actually reach#(and that includes me; proud owner of an anime thirst blog with 6 followers <3)#what they need is a hug and a copy of the anarchist protest guide and maybe a community garden; not someone responding to them with more#anger#but as I stated. I'm exhausted.#anyway. this is all to say#if you're feeling so much kinetic energy from rage that you feel the best way to get rid of it is to yell at some rando on the internet#use that energy to do something productive#sign up for a protest; volunteer at your local soup kitchen; teach crafts at the library.#a lot of people need a lot of help right now; why waste time shouting into the void when you could be doing something with genuine impact#the world needs helpers more than ever#if you made it this far thank u I love you; and stay safe out there cowboys 💞
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Grinds my teeth to dust…. i wish touch didnt have so many Implications. im just trying to survive out here
#after all this i need a cuddle and a movie But who do i ask withoit them thinking im coming on to them#i need to paint a giant doomsday-guy-on-the-street-corner style sign to wear around my neck that says I AM AROMANTIC ASEXUAL#born to hug and kiss all my friends forced to stand around hands in my pockets#im scared to death of people misinterpreting my behavior or feeling uncomfortable#od be so much more relaxed like at a core of my being level if this was a nonissue#dude im desperate i might just ask the guy i almost fell asleep on tje otjet night#the ice is broken and he already knows my deal#(fantasizing about snuggling with people i like) im so fucked up ….#it’s also made way worse by tje fact that I apparently come off as very flirtatious#im playful and i love people Sorry …..#im like All or Nothing . oh my god lol#i had a friend who called me her ‘koala’ because i was constantly clinging to her#we were 7 so it was socially acceptable#99% of the time we were together i was wrapped around her legs or torso. i miss you so much sybil#the start of the end was when i innocently restrd my chin on my friend’s shoulder to watch what he was doing#and the next day someone asked me why i did that#i was like huh…? he’s my friend?#why wouldn’t i?#then i felt all weird about it And ive felt weird about it sincd#unrelated but my best friend is autistic she has misophonia and hates touch But im the misopjonia exception(real thing) AND#i’m one of the only people she hugs. straight up my biggest flex ever
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There's a huge abandoned building just outside my city where you're allowed to paint on the walls so my girlfriend and I went on a little date there today! ❤️
#my art#it was the best day ever and a perfect way to end our little vacation before she went home#its one of my favorite places in the world#and I was so happy that i got to take her there it was one if the coolest dates we've gone on so far#she saw what i painted and told me i had brain worms but jokes on her because she gave them to me#this is what happens when you sit an autistic bitch down and go through (almost) the entire star wars franchise#and fall asleep almost every night to videos explaining the lore and shit#i am what you made me#cope#the bad batch#the clone wars#fives#echo#commander Cody#codywan
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Night & Day and breaking character's false beliefs
Hi, Hello *picks themselves off the floor* I finally think I'm sane enough to talk about Night & Day and what happened in episode 10 without going TOTALLY insane
The first thing I want talk about is a character false belief, which is a thing that character considers true in their point of view, one of Day's false belief is that Night care is not genuine and everything he does is to please his mom.
When it comes to the false belief, most times, it goes in one of two ways depending on the type of story: The character ends up encounters stuff that confirms that belief or oppose that belief until they have to rethink what they used to belief. Last Twilight goes with the latter route
The first thing that Night does is get Day a phone so he can communicate with Mhok (Also he other friends but it mostly so he can talk to Mhok whenever he wants to)
Latter we learn that Day's has a new number, which means that this is most likely a new phone so Night went out of his way to buy his younger brother a phone (the image of Night in a store buying a phone makes makes me cry like a newborn)
*BAM* The first real shake is done in Day's false belief because their mom is against Mhok & Day's relationship ergo if Night was only keeping a facade he wouldn't have given him any help and Day's realizes this!
The biggest one is right after Night's leaves the room and Day's overhears the conversation between K'Mon and when he hears the mom being awful, Day has the realization that Night continues to be the same in the eyes of the mom (maybe even worse now).
Day has to deal that the idea that he had of Night after the accident was wrong and how that would impact the whole "blaming Night for the accident" feelings. And in the next day, I assume
Day goes down to eat, something he didn't do ever since Mhok left, it clear that he doesn't know yet totally what his feelings.
One thing to keep in my mind, when it comes to P'Aof that I see a lot of, he uses one of my favorite metaphors foods = care. Especially here in Last Twilight. There's a reason that Mhok in learning to care for Day learns more about food and starts to become a chef. Also with the mom taking the time to make food (which is something that I will talk about in another post)
And why I am saying that? Well it's because of the next few minutes
So Day is still weakly holding on to his last believe until
Night gives his plate that he had just heat it up and it's such a unconsciously behavior that it can only be read in one way I CARE ABOUT YOU
Day's false belief is broken, however we still have Night who has his own false belief that his recklessness and mistakes led to him losing his good relationship with his brother.
So Day is shaken and tense, until he know he cannot take anymore and need to say something even if its own Day way
Okay, let me break down this while trying not cry:
Day is his own way is saying that his brother is deserving of good food, something that would taste good
Combine that with the food = care metaphor and you have the subtle I still care about you too (and a sobbing Max)
That admission shakes Night, also that's probably the first time that Day didn't came with aggression right away since the accident so he doesn't know what to do and the hurt the mom caused it probably still fresh.
*Bam* First crack in Night's belief but he play it off normally and Day's as well until the "I forgive you" which is something that even Day's is surprise that he said it
But when he stops and thinks he is come up with the fact that whatever anger was there before its gone and that it feel right to say those words and make sure that Night knows it
This is the big one when it comes to Night's false belief, the thing Night thought it could never happen, Day said with all letters that whatever blame Day's put onto Night, he forgave him
Like a domino effect when Night vocalizes how much that meant for him, we have Day settle in without his false belief
But in the same way that we had three actions to destroy the false belief of Day. we also had three for Night which comes when Day tells Night about their dad and starts to playfully banter with his brother
LOOK AT THOSE EYES. This is it, Night false belief is shaken because when Day jokes with Night, is his way of reaching out and tell Night that he does want to try and have a good relationship with him.
We also have a moment where Night is settle in without his false belief and at the same time his also letting go of his guilt
For the first time in a year (or maybe more) they are being brothers and having a laughter and helping each other destroy their false belief and REALIZE THAT THEY ALWAYS DID LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH
#night & day relationship is my roman empire#like i knew by the end of episode 1 they would destroy me in the best way#last twilight#last twilight the series#jimmysea#jimmy jitaraphol#sea tawinan#day danainat#night last twilight#last twilight series#this siblings mean so much to me
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how was the great gatsby musical?
overall, one of my favorite theatre experiences. to the level that i have been looping the cast recording nonstop since it came out last week
i do have a lot of specific points that i could talk So Long about with this show, most of which i'll put under a read more, but first: casting
anyway. spoilers for the great gatsby musical (things that were changed from the book for the production)
the 'main four' being Jeremy Jordan, Noah J Ricketts, Eva Noblezada, and Samantha Pauly, were all absolutely incredible. show stopping in their own ways. i was genuinely so scared that when i saw it that any of these 4 wouldn't be on, but i got so lucky and all of them were!! i am 100% convinced that many of the songs were written just to showcase certain actors voices (jeremy jordan).
let me tell you. getting to see jeremy jordan and eva noblezada live was unlike anything i've ever seen before. i was like. genuinely honored to be there. their stage presence, their voices, their acting ability, oh man... and Samantha Pauly was just incredible, and her big number was so. show stopping. Noah J. Ricketts was amazing the whole time, but his emotion in finale as he was saying the lines that are basically quoted exactly from the book... yeah i cried.
but so many other actors were also so amazing! John Zdrojeski as Tom was so good at the role, because Tom really was genuinely awful, but not in like an evil villain way, because he's much more realistic than that. i also find that a lot of times Tom is kinda seen as stupid or whatever for not noticing a lot of things going around him but in the musical he really like. could tell what was going on. and he worked his way into finding out secrets (kinda more on this later bc of my favorite song)
another main this was just. the design. Linda Cho costumes MY BELOVED im so glad she won the tony because this show DESERVED IT. it was definitely a glorified image of what those 1920s outfits would actually be, but most musical theatre isn't meant to be an exact replica of history, it's meant to dramatize it, and Linda Cho understands the assignment when it comes to costumes. the lighting and scenic design were also just incredible, especially their use of the green light shining from across the bay...
the show started out with Gatsby onstage, reaching for the green light. a set piece is moved across the stage, passing in front of him, Nick standing where Gatsby was. within that moment i was like "if they don't end the show with Nick standing there, the set piece passing in front, and leaving Gatsby behind, reaching for the green light, then what is the POINT" and then they DID and it was just as great as i'd imagined.
there were definitely changes to the story to adapt it to the stage, which i actually enjoyed (i've read the book, but didn't love it mostly due to a bad experience with reading it in school so. yeah). it is kinda more romance-centric in the first act, which i have heard people complain about, but i kinda see reasoning for it. yes, the first act is very much centered around the various relationships (especially the romantic ones), and in the second act, while certain characters (mostly gatsby) try to keep it centered on the romance, there is a much bigger, darker story going on all around them. so i really liked that meta perspective of it.
they also gave a lot more character to mr wilson (idr his first name), effectively intertwining him with both Gatsby and Wolfsheim as he, from the very beginning, plans to move him and Myrtle away from the city (its been a hot sec since i read the book, so idr if that's there but i don't think it is).
the relationship between Nick and Jordan is also taken a lot further in the musical, to the point where they are engaged, but after Myrtle's death, it gets broken off. this is because, in this version, Jordan ends up lumped in with both Tom and Daisy, in with the old money. throughout most of the show she is much more aware of society and doesn't want any part of what her role 'should' be, but when things go south, she is just as quick as the others to abandon what's 'right' in favor of what's better for her. and ik some people might not like that change but i actually did.
Myrtles character is also taken a lot further in this, which i find really fascinating. she is given her own big number right before her death as she tried to go after Tom, saying that he'll leave Daisy and marry her instead, but then she realizes she'll become just like Daisy in that situation, and the only choice is 'love or money.' she eventually decides that she wants to go back to her husband, and the moment she turns back, she is killed. this was Such a big number and, looking back, might be one of my favorites story-wise.
while i absolutely adored most everything, genuinely, the music was by far my favorite part (besides maybe jeremy jordan and eva noblezada...) a personal thing for me was that Every. Single. Song. has SUCH a good bassline. man i need the sheet music for this show. (side note: i got to talk to the show's bass player for a few minutes after the show! i was super nervous about it but im glad i did. he was super nice)
there's def a mix of more modern showtune styles, along with bringing in a lot of jazzy elements, which was GREAT. i love jazz. like i mentioned before, certain songs were definitely written for actor's voices (Past is Catching Up to Me) which is absolutely not a bad thing because they were AMAZING
two of my favorite songs were 'Only Tea' and 'Made to Last.'
only tea is when Gatsby is stressing about Daisy coming over for tea. this was hilarious. I kid you not jeremy jordan jumped a fence at the end. it was iconic. (you can Feel the nerves in just the cast recording alone).
made to last takes place in the scene in the Plaza. it's mostly Tom, revealing the secrets he learned about how Gatsby got his fortune, then Gatsby trying to get Daisy to tell Tom she doesn't love him. there are So Many Good lines in this song (everyone kinda drags Tom a lot its great) but this is where the characterization of Tom was really just. top notch. because he really is freaking Awful. but he's also smart and not going to let go of what he owns (not good that he considers Daisy a possession though...), and he knows exactly what is going to happen to Gatsby--he's not Made to Last.
(also the song Shady is iconic. spinny tailcoats)
another just. singular line that i need to draw attention to, sung by mr wilson (he has multiple songs directed to the Eyes of God), and this line is right when he decides to go after Gatsby. "God sees everything but he's slow on his commands/You've got the eyes of God, Doc/Who's gonna be his hands?"
(this line is reprised in the middle of Gatsby's song right before the gun goes off. fun fact)
i'm sure there are So Many Other Things i could talk about (i s2g i could write 13 essays about this show) but in general like. while it wasn't groundbreaking to the theatre, it was still Such a good show and absolutely deserves better yknow. attention then it's getting. like jeremy jordan is here for a Reason this is a Good show. and mostly this is my begging people to listen to the cast recoding because its SO GOOD.
anyway. if anyone has questions about specific things i am So Happy to talk but here's a lot of my more general thoughts... (god i haven't even Talked about Eric Anderson as Wolfsheim...)
#constance answers#asks#the great gatsby#the great gatsby musical#i brought my flapper dress to new york just to wear to this show and it was Worth it#i did not stage door because i knew it was gonna be crazy but its ok because i talked to the bass player instead.#also i enjoyed sitting next to my mom during this show. because she didn't know the story pretty much at All.#so during intermission she said to me 'i don't know what but i feel like something bad is going to happen. this is too happy'#and i tried to get her to guess What would happen but she didn't.#and then watching the end... everything from myrtle dying all the way to the murder/suicide...#lets just say it took her until After that to realize that the edge of the stage was decorated to look like a pool#it is idk how late at night rn so sorry if this is not at all coherent#one more thing: the shirt i bought from this show is the best musical shirt i have Ever owned. its so pretty
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What's your opinion on Monty?
Oh I've been waiting for an ask like this to come across my inbox after how popular my Bonnie theories have been. (full theory and spoilers under the cut)
Short answer: I think he's neat!
Long answer: I think Montgomery Gator is one of, if not the, most tragic character in the entire Glamrock cast. And his tragedy, while of course upsetting to see, is also incredibly endearing from a narrative standpoint.
What does that mean? Well, let me explain.
Monty was not made to be part of the band. That much we know in the canon lore. He was his own animatronic, with his own attraction and his own thing. Whether or not he was there from the very beginning when the Pizzaplex was built, or maybe they added him later to bring in more diversity and subvert the burden on the main band, I don't think we'll ever know. (since every main band member has their own attraction, which probably subtracts from their available time to perform main shows throughout the day)
The only bits and pieces we get of Monty's "life" before his joining the band is narrated through the Gator Golf attraction.
Monty's story starts with him as a One Man Jug Band, playing by himself in his swamp.
Now it's already pretty apparent that the Monty we see here is way more docile and doe-eyed than the one we encounter in Security Breach, but maybe that's the point.
We all know the stories of humble beginnings, of rags to riches. To me, Monty was one of those stories. A little guy who ended up catching a big break down the line.
Now to get this out of the way, I don't believe Monty shattered Bonnie or the theory that Monty hated Bonnie (I went into detail here if you want the full explanation). We actually can easily debunk that theory in a few different ways, but the main thing is everything we see about Monty implies he actually admired Bonnie.
In his ride you see how he looks at Bonnie, His Showtime outfit incorporates yellow stars (like Bonnie), and he even still uses Bonnie's bass.
Now if you hate someone, if you hate them enough to kill them and take their place because you felt you deserved their fame, would you emulate that person? Would you use and wear their items, thereby constantly reminding yourself of someone you hate so much? Why would you go through the trouble of getting rid of them, of wiping them from everyone's memory, just to keep things that will always tie you to them? That doesn't make much sense to me.
You could argue that the items are trophies of his 'kill', but wouldn't you keep trophies or things of the like somewhere no one could see them? Why flaunt them and again, bring attention to this person that you hate so very much?
I think it's the exact opposite. Monty admired Bonnie, the depths of which we probably won't ever know the extent of, and when Bonnie disappeared, Monty took his place but never forgot the person who got him there. He wears Bonnie's glasses (which we never see Bonnie wear aside from in his neon portrait, which may imply that he might have given the shades to Monty directly at some time before he was shattered) and he uses Bonnie's bass, which was ALSO given to him according to the Gator Golf ride
I've seen people say that this scene is actually showing that Bonnie was just setting his bass aside after a show and Monty stole it, thereby using it for his own gain and I. . .don't see how people can infer that from the image? It looks like Bonnie is literally holding it out to Monty, who is on one knee and accepting it with respect and a cheerful expression on his face. Besides, you need some MASSIVE balls to just. . .steal a band's instrument after the show and just get away with it? Especially from what we see in game, there'd be no feasible way Monty could do that without the audience or technicians being like "What the fuck are you doing"
So yeah no, this looks like a mutual passing of the torch.
Anyways, Monty uses the shades and bass as a nod to Bonnie, he was a sweetheart with a baby face who got thrown into fame to replace his idol. I think, in some regards, Monty might've felt conflicted. Like, here he is in his dream job, but at the cost of someone he cared about.
You know who Monty DID hate though? Freddy. We can infer from plenty of sources and in game material that Monty HATED Freddy, and the reasoning for that could be literally anything, but it's not odd for a bandmate to dislike their leader/member because they're more popular (you see it a lot in IRL bands too, the favoritism and jealousy)
It's also easy to see that fame changed Monty, as it does for plenty of people. Having so many eyes on you, feeling the euphoria of all the love and attention day in and day out, it gets to your head. It changes who you are, muddles your humility. And we can see that Monty acts in the stereotypical Rocker way, conceited, destroys his greenroom and other things after shows, etc. It's an all too common trope and its sad to see it happen to Monty, though a lot of his rage could also be compounded by Glitchtrap/Vanny/Mimic being annoying (Notably, you never hear of Monty destroying his shades or his bass. Perhaps there are some things that he's oddly protective of)
And then in the main Security Breach, you only meet Monty at his worst. Angry, Corrupted, feral. You spend your time running from him (since Bonnie's shades protect him from most of Gregory's gimmicks), you hear from second-hand conjecture that he was probably the one who shattered Bonnie (which probably weighs on him too, the children asking where Bonnie is, and the technicians maybe side-eyeing him thinking that he's just a meathead who destroyed Bonnie to take his place) and each time you see him, he just gets more and more split from that sweetheart who was happily playing in his swamp.
Not to mention how he "dies"
Monty comes for Cassie, ruined beyond salvation, his mind still gone from all of the torment he endured being controlled and shattered over and over. To save herself, Cassie uses the Faz-wrench to activate the power and escape, only for the electric currents to turn the water into a death trap.
The thing that decommissions Monty, that finally puts him out of his misery, is Bonnie. That's Bonnie's neon portrait (a bit damaged from the dilapidated building) and it is the very thing that electrifies the water, destroying Monty's hardware. Whether or not its karma for Monty shattering Bonnie, or some sort of heartfelt prose that the thing that finally allows Monty to rest is the one person he cared about most, who's to say? You could argue it both ways, but isn't it just a tad more comforting to think that even in death, Bonnie was always looking out for his understudy?
Monty's story and character progression is a trope of Falling from Grace, of Icarus flying too close to the Sun and plummeting to the unforgiving earth. The more I learn about him, the more I feel bad for him. I think he deserved better. Roxanne for her redemption in Ruin, but Monty is left open-ended. A monster and murderer to some, a washed-up rocker to others.
But I think Montgomery was more than that. I think he had the capacity for gentleness and love, but he was in a position where the world was against him. His older and more experienced bandmates always destined to be loved more than him. He was basically an entry level teenager around mastery level adults. He might've lost his mind back then to the pressure and the negativity, resorting to violence for attention. No one was there for him, and Bonnie, the only person who probably would've been there for him and understood him better than most, disappeared without a trace, leaving him all alone in a world that would never fully accept him.
Yeah, I like Monty a lot.
#what a character#him and roxy had the best character arcs#but they obviously ended in different ways#with roxy being able to shake free and redeem herself#and monty dying all by himself#oh#my heart#fnaf security breach#security breach#fnaf#shoucan says#five nights at freddy's#shooting the shit with shoucan#fnaf ruin dlc#security breach ruin#ruin dlc#fnaf ruin#montgomery gator#fnaf montgomery#glamrock monty
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good evening, all. it is May the 25th. our lilacs are blooming, just as the ones at the Watch House did. and I am thinking about remembrance of the fallen, and GNU, and the love in commemoration.
y'know, I read Night Watch… oh, maybe a year ago and some months ago. and the lilac symbolism, the remembrance of the Watch, has always struck me with the depth of the emotion of it, the tangibility of it in the flowers. but I wasn't aware that today was the day until I saw commemorative posts, all that gorgeous artwork and more, on my dash.
I was also not aware, until now, that fans commemorated the day not only because of the book reference, but in support of Terry Pratchett and of those with Alzheimer's. which knocked me over a bit because of course, of course the group that would use GNU to honor him would do that. and… I've been thinking about GNU a lot, lately, and this caught me again.
I read Going Postal a bit ago, and reread it recently. both times, the parts about GNU made me tear up. this idea of the names, the memories, the lives of the clacks workers who dedicated themselves to ensuring that people heard each other's voices—all those names spoken again and again and again by that which they poured their souls into, winging along in the air as they could not, an eternal reminder that they were loved—how could that not touch a person's heart?
when I found out that fans online used it to memorialize him, I damn well cried. hell, I still tear up just thinking about it. do you know, there's a code for an HTTP header "X-Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett" written by Reddit users to put in webpages, where it goes unseen by the average user? and in 2015, when Netcraft took a survey, there were eighty-four thousand websites using it? it's eight years later—how many thousands upon thousands of websites have this now, do you think? how many little cables of light has his name flown along, now? how many times?
that alone is absurdly and unimaginably lovely in its own right, but… there's something else to it. there's something about remembering with the lilac sprigs every year, just as Vimes and those who were there remembered their dead. something about how, when we take up our lilac sprigs, we carry a little piece of the characters in our hearts, too. I kept trying to put my finger on why that makes me tear up the way it does. the conclusion I came to is this:
what greater way to honor a writer is there, but to honor them the way they did the characters they poured their heart and soul into? what better way to say we know you and you are not forgotten and your work and words and gifts to the world are held in our hearts forever than to remember them by their own words, their own vision? how else could we say you embodied all the good you believed in and wished to see in the world, but to memorialize them after the little pieces of their soul they wrapped in ink and put upon the page?
it is a knowing of the writer, to remember them in their way. it is not a worn-out faceless platitude, but a reminder that their work has been read and will continue to be, that the characters and world they loved enough to bring to life last just as their name does. such remembrance is warm and loving and delights in their memory even as it grieves.
and now Pratchett's name has been written in his tradition, over and over and over, across the vast plane of the Internet, where it will—with any luck—continue to fly for generations to come.
there is no way to truly express the beauty of that… but perhaps we can catch a glimpse of it in the lilacs, both ours and the Watch's.
#the glorious 25th of may#night watch#gnu terry pratchett#discworld#I cannot express how much I love that our lilacs bloom at the same time as they do in the books#also I dearly wanted to include this little fact in my accidental monologue but it didn't fit. so in the tags it goes:#GNU Terry Pratchett is ALSO a Minecraft splash text#which is just. aaaaaaaaaaah of course a game with something like the End Poem would do that but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#I have many feelings on this and a decent summary of a lot of them is about the beauty of how humanity remembers and loves our dead#and also just... the love. the love that can be held for someone you never met#but whose writing and words can pierce your heart in the best of ways#and the love for characters--for the best of them are these little shards of the writer's soul that they decided to share#because that's really the nature of writing. baring your soul and your self to others in those persons you breathe to life on the page#and then sharing it with others just in hopes that it might ring true and inspire them#give them insight#help them in ways no one else could because only YOU could write that character and share that part of yourself#and by gods if Pratchett isn't among the best at that then I don't know who is#anyway. I have feelings and I accidentally turned them into a monologue whoo#have a good evening all
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my dramatic ass pacing circles in the kitchen like im never writing anything ever again bc nothing feels great anymore it just feels good and apparently i will not apply myself even to my most longterm and beloved passion if i can't feel prodigious at it. fym ur gonna stop trying altogether ur also gonna get ur period in the next few days but im sure there's no correlation
#trying to write and rereading it like the pacing is off the characterisation is stale the dialogue is blocky#and i can't get the concept down the way i want so im perpetually stuck in that 'on the tip of your tongue' feeling#and i cant read things to pass the time not even fics bc im too busy psychoanalysing every single sentence#trying to find some hidden thing that makes this writing better than mine how can this writer get it when i just cant what's wrong with me#and it's all so GODDAMN FRUSTRATING. but aside that im being really calm about it <3#i can't remember the last time i wrote something and felt genuinely proud of it. i always get very intense long periods of writer's block#and i know i'll come out the other end bc i'll find a new obsession and write 20k words of my best work in one night#and feel like i snorted three lines off a toilet seat in berghain. but also What If This Time Im Just Broken#hi im a girl in my twenties who never learnt from my own behaviour!
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just read the cutest cait fic 😖 girly if you’re reading this you ate with that and I wish people could read it 🤞🏽
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i had a dream that would’ve been SUCH a good fic idea—it played out in my mind like a movie, almost every detail—but i don’t have the skill set to write ittttt
#graveyardtxt#the best way i can describe it is that during an alien attack—sonic and co lost and were taken back to their planet#they were held captive in some kind of lab. they had pretty shitty sleeping arrangements and were experimented on and tested almost daily#for as bad as they were treated. the location itself was actually really cool looking-#tails and espio were actually the main characters (along with amy as a sort of supporting character)#one of the most vivd scenes was sonic walked past their room and seeing amy looking on tails’s bed#only for tails to just walk into the room like “i’m fine you’re worrying about nothing’’ like okay little man where did you come from????#only for amy to tell him “tails never came back last night’’#also sonic was a fucking mess. his ass did not care remotely#near the end. tails and espio ended up secretly staying behind while everyone left#eventually amy returned to help them and when tails asked how sonic reacted to the info that he hadn’t returned to mobius#amy said that sonic just stared at her and run off#MY HEART DUDE. I DIDNT KNOW MY HEART COULD BE BROKEN LIKE THAT IN A DREAM#it sounds so lame when i explain it like this BUT IT WAS SO COOL AND I WISH I COULD DO IT JUSTICE AAAAAAAAAA#so upset dude i didn’t want it to enddddd#i gotta write this down in more detail
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose�� scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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When the best singer in the church says that you have the best voice in the church >>>>>
#like this woman has an absolutely incredible voice and she said that I have the best voice???#I love her sm /p#she’s an amazing person and singer#and she has helped me build up the confidence that I have#I remember this one time we were at youth#she was on the worship team that night and that night I was so overwhelmed in the best way#I ended up worshiping in my knees and she jumped down from the stage and prayed over me#that church is very corrupt but she isn’t#beth rants
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I am five seconds away from creating Help Wanted posters for the Devourer fight in the Catacombs DONE AND DUSTED NEVER AGAIN
#w101#wizard101#literally spent 4-5 hours doing it yesterday night with a friend and two random players#one of them was the hitter and the other a life wiz who Refused to heal#my fire wiz friend was the other hitter and i got delegated to being healer and boost dealer… despite being a storm w 5k health#also fun fact! this is one of those fights where you need to stay alive by the end of it for it to count as done <33#we found out the hard way <33#the storm hitter and the life wiz (who spammed bad juju and nothing else.) got their quests done and ditched us#so. if anyones a healer and Willing to go through that fight then that would be much appreciated#pretty sure its the last dungeon in the catacombs too… so close to being done w that questline QQ#we did our best it should of counteddd <//333#matter of fact i will DRAW ur wizzy in full-colour if u r willing to help us get the quest done (fr this time) /srs#(i am fr abt the art btw)
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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