#best part of med school atm

[wearyeerie]

gross anatomy wk1-2 study (posterior scapula and back, anterior thorax) + little application w Marik

[miasmirror]

you should totes yap about gary and show what he’s in his head about everything happening atm (tsoy) ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎

i love to yap (especially about tsoy) it’s what i do best

gary starts out as a pretty simple kid who just wants to make friends and do good deeds. he’s super close knit with his family, especially his sister jennifer who is around his age and is his best friend for a while. in the first part of tsoy when he’s helping with the big project (that ends up killing people, as you know) he’s extremely torn because he knows his family has helped with this project for years and wants to make them proud, but he also comes to find that this project is super dangerous and could hurt many people (which it does).

he eventually kind of learns that his friends safety is more important than his family’s approval, causing him to admit to gregory and mole that the project he and the others have been working on is dangerous. he did a good thing because he did potentially save several lives, but he feels extreme guilt after the big weaponry robot kills several people, and he accidentally “kills” leslie. he feels as if he should’ve spoken up about the project sooner and should’ve done something to help leslie (which would’ve been impossible + got him killed too).

then, in the second part (history of yardale) he starts our extremely happy that everyone is brought back together at his class reunion. before the reunion he had been working towards becoming a doctor/nurse because of his passion for helping people. what he doesn’t tell anyone, though, is that he ended up dropping out of med school because he was dealing with some internal depression after the events at yardale that he feels guilty for. he couldn’t stay motivated in school so he decided to quit, but he’s still really knowledgeable on medical procedures and is able to help a lot of people later on. he still always has a lingering feeling that he’ll never be able to help anyone enough to make up for the amount of people he couldn’t help, and he thinks deep down he’s not cut out to be a doctor because of his guilt every time he can’t help someone.

when the group leaves to interrogate the parents that helped with the beginnings of the yardale project, gary is so excited to see his family but still slightly scared he’ll learn things about his parents and siblings that he doesn’t want to know.

things turn out okay at first, but when people he cares about start dying again (pocket, his family, gregory, etc) he starts to feel guilty again. he feels extremely guilty about pockets death, since he knew he was really sick and regrets leaving him alone at the pirrips. he misses gregory a lot because the two were roommates in school and besties for a while, and even though there was nothing gary could do to stop him from being shot, he feels like he could’ve done more. and, of course, he is extremely hurt by his family being killed.

in the third part (the end of yardale) (i’m actually rethinking that title because it is not the last part and not the end), he’s trying to make it seem to everyone that he’s happy so they don’t feel bad, but he’s really depressed deep down and, as i said before, feels extremely guilty for everyone he hasn’t been able to help. he tries to maintain a goal of helping as many people as he can and preventing their deaths, but he knows he’s tried that before and it doesn’t work.

he hated living in hell because he felt like he was going against his religion and everything he believed in, but at least he and the rest of the group got to be together for a little while. he didn’t mind being bullied by damien and the amount of arguing that went on between everyone, that was really the least of his worries. he starts to become closer friends with rebecca over time, partly because both had a dream of going into the medical field and rebecca sometimes reminds him of jennifer, his past best friend.

throughout the entirely of the end of yardale gary is trying to work together with rebecca to not let anyone else die. they succeed with people like estella and brimmy after both were stabbed, but they soon fear that they can’t help gregory anymore after he has become corrupt. gary is afraid when brimmy suggests killing gregory, because he trusts brimmy but, of course, doesn’t want anyone else to die. he truly believes there’s something he and rebecca can do to bring the old gregory back, but he’s wrong and he hates it.

i don’t want to spoil too much for future parts and chapters, but gary will later grow away from his family after recognizing that they aren’t the perfect family he thought they were. he’ll instead become closer with his friends, who were truly his family this whole time.

i hope you enjoyed this rant, i am willing to do this with practically any character i’ve ever written about. it’s so fun.

[knlfed]

⋆ NAME?: bunny , gigi , sunshine

⋆ PRONOUNS?: she / they / he

⋆ MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?:  katarina , sage , my lil vamp boy oc i haven't written yet , soraka & meelkmaaan ( doppelganger of francis mosses )

⋆ RP PET PEEVES?:  not INTERACTING with my original characters , or more specifically , only interacting with my canon muses , or only with my male muses / male ocs . do not waste my time . 90 % of my blog is original muses . if you are only here for my canon muses i am not the person for you .

⋆ EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: 10 + years . skype , discord , kik , instagram and tumblr . discord & tumblr exclusively now .

⋆ FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?:  i love angst / fluff . i can write smut , it's not my favorite and i have to trust my partner for it . there's only two muns i'd write smut with atp and it's not something i plan on bringing it up because in our muses' development it's not necessary atm .

⋆ PLOTS OR MEMES?: i can do plotted threads and will often do so for starter calls or get some brief idea of what my partner is looking for , but most of the ask memes you see that i answer ? i rawdog it . i'm way better at doing ask memes and willing something into existence or letting my muse show how they feel and what they do and let your muse react .

⋆ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?:  med - long with a heavy emphasis on longer threads just because a lot of one liner threads or trivial threads is hard for me to find muse for or continue if our muses don't have an indepth relationship already .

⋆ TIME TO WRITE?:  night after work / after games / after school or on weekends when i have free time .

⋆ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: yes and no ? they all have parts of me , but personality wise i'm probably most like mc , yua , sage , soraka and eight . all of my muses have a little bit of my personality but i think those represent me the best .

tagged by : @r-adio , ty ty <3 ( u tagged my old blog but al;skdjfa;lskdjf xoxo ) tagging : @killerhubby , @galaxythixf , @rotpure , @dimensionalspades and you , the person reading this & tag me !

[mvalentine]

૮ ˙Ⱉ˙ ა rawr!

HI AGAIN!!!!!

Sooo... this ask was me; again, HI 💖

Here are my asks for youuuuuuuu, no pressure though!

if your OCs could only use one kind of writing/notetaking method for the rest of their life, what would it be and why? (pen and paper, digital, etc.)

2. on special holidays/occasions, do your OCs call anyone in particular? why or why not?

3. would your OCs hold the door for anyone else? OR would they slam it in the person's face, especially if they hate that person?

4. if your OCs met you, what would be their first impression of you? and would they ever interact with you again in the future?

that's all i have for now, buh bye queen!!!! have a good whatever the hell you're doing rn!!!!! 💕💕💕

hellooo <333 omg hi first of all thank you so much for that ask you sent me, it genuinely made my entire night 💘 & ahhh these asks are so fun!! im gonna answer for lana (my oph mc) & audrey (my trr mc) because they’re my current hyperfixations atm!!

1. lana: okay so i think lana would very much go the digital route. as a doctor & someone who went to med school- efficiency is key & we all know that pen & paper take way longer. she’s an incredibly fast typer, & she likes the fact that she can have all her files & data stored in one space— plus shes not the most organized & is highly likely to loose her handwritten notes!

audrey: now audrey on the other hand is very much the opposite — she’s a pen & paper girlie through and through <33 she enjoys the artistry of making pretty notes, of using different colors & markers & trying out different fonts and styles. she went to business school & her notes were always top tier, and she was nice enough to share with her classmates in need. she’s also an art enthusiast & later goes on to get a second degree in art history (it’s what she wanted to do initially but didn’t feel as though it was ‘legitimate’ enough) so that could be where her fondness for handwritten notes stems from.

2. lana: she’s not big on holidays & vacations and is definitely not the type to go all out, atleast for herself. i think part of it stems from holidays always being a time for excessive opulence & extravagance, as her family was like quite wealthy & used these holidays as a means to host fancy galas & events rather than bond as a family. once she cuts ties with her family (there’s a long messy backstory to that that i won’t bore you with <3) she starts making her own traditions with her best friend dom & her best friend isabella. she always calls dom, he’s her family. bella unfortunately passed away (another long & messy story that i won’t get into rn <3) but her daughter alana is actually lana’s goddaughter (hence their names) & so she always calls alana & her dad up to wish them. she used to be close to isabella’s family until she passed away & then sort of became very stiff & formal with them because she blamed herself for bella’s death (bella took her own life). i think a few years down the line after she gets with ethan, she reconciles with them (they never once blamed her & always considered her a second daughter) because she deserves happiness too yk <3

audrey: audrey’s mom was never in the picture, it was always just her & her dad. audrey loves any holiday & will take it as an opportunity to dress up and go all out. unfortunately, her dad passed away when she was 17 (why do i give all my ocs such traumatic backstories like what’s that all about?), so she can’t exactly call him. her best friend talia is the one she always calls on any holiday, and she’s still big on celebrating all holidays although her birthday now is more of a bittersweet one, something she just likes to celebrate by herself & later on with drake. nothing fancy, just a bottle of whiskey & a night of reminiscence.

3. lana: i mean, she wouldn’t go out of the way to hold the door open for people. if someone happens to be behind her then i mean yeah, she would hold it open for them & wait for them to pass. but she’s definitely not one of those people who’s gonna be holding open the door for like 5-10 people, like do it yourself people she’s busy & got things to do. oh & she would 100% slam the door in someone’s face if she doesn’t like them, and i say good for her <3

audrey: once again, she’s my sweet baby angel. she’s sarcastic & witty and doesn’t let anyone get away with their bullshit— but she’s also a genuinely kind person. so yeah, she would definitely hold the door open for several people, even if she didn’t like them (unless she really really hated someone yk?)

4: lana: you know i have come to the sad conclusion that lana wouldn’t really like me all that much. which is incredibly sad because she is literally my first & favorite oc. she would find me super loud & overly nice (not because im overly nice i just love meeting new people and get really excited) & wouldn’t really want to interact with me in the future (PLEASE THIS IS SO SAD). if we met at a night out though, we would be besties <333 she’s way more fun & easygoing when she’s hammered oops (also when i say besties i mean for that one night only yk like those girls you meet at the club & you’re glued to the hip for that one night but then never speak to each other ever again after the fact? yeah.)

audrey: now audrey on the other hand, oh yeah we would be besties. we have all the same interests— gilmore girls, taylor swift, cheesy teen rom-coms, 2010 boybands etc. audrey is a very special oc for me because she represents the feeling of owning who you are & not being shamed for having quote unquote girly/basic interests. she used to be embarrassed about what she liked, especially because she dated an older man when she was like 18/19 who really messed with her sense of self & self esteem— but she’s actively worked on herself & gotten therapy and isn’t ashamed of what she likes (i mean she’s got a lot to work on with letting people in on who she really is behind the unflappable & confident facade but that’s a story for another day.) so! i think in the beginning she would find me fun to hang out with, just someone who’s easy-going & fun-loving. i think overtime she would also realize that our friendship could be more than just a ‘fun friendship’ but rather something deeper because i mean i like to think that im a good listener & a decent friend so yeah <333 we would be besties we would have movie nights, we would go to a bar & just talk for hours on end, we would give each other dating advice & just yeah ugh i love her sm!!

[pagingevilspawn]

Patiently waiting for the next lyialg update ! I’m obsessed so yeah thank u for that !!

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter six

i really need to get back to writing this fic, but my inspiration  atm at zero. (i blame proofs, they’ve corrupted all my brain cells)

are we surprised, another filler! what? but, did i write... conversation? wowzies. its just a day full of surprises ain’t it? okay, hope you guys like it! read on ao3 here!

~*~

"i've spent all of the love i've saved. we were always a losing game."

~*~

she probably should've left after their rendezvous in the comforters, but she didn't. instead, she lay on the wide open bed sprawled out over the covers, dressed and ready for the day as she asks him random questions just to annoy him, which she knows he secretly enjoys. (the tiny smiles he would let sneak past his lips didn't go unnoticed by her. he was quite horrible at trying to convince her that he didn't enjoy it.)

"why can't chickens fly?" she asks thoughtfully, pursing her lips, making him stop in his tracks as he puts his toiletries in his suitcase. that was definitely the weirdest question she had asked yet. and trust him, she'd asked a lot of them.

"umm, because they're too fat? i don't know." he answers with a shrug of his shoulders. he didn't know why the hell chickens didn't fly. all he knew was that their wings were useless.

jo looks unamused with his answer as a frown begins to form in her face. "but why? the universe gave them wings, so why not the opportunity to actually use them?"

alex thinks over the answer for a second, shrugging his shoulder as he puts more things in his bag. "dude, i don't know. you're the one in med school. go ask a teacher. or google. google has the answer to everything."

she furrows her eyebrows, reaching behind her to grab a pillow, which she successfully tosses and it hits his face. she lets out a loud laugh as the pillow makes a thump! sound as it hits the floor, alex sending her a glare she had gotten to know all too well these past few days. "you act like i'm in high school." she huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning as she narrows her eyes at him.

"i would hope you're not. otherwise i'd get arrested." he says gruffly, finding a loner sock in the bathroom and tossing it into his suitcase aimlessly, nearly missing the destination point as it hangs over the side of it loosely.

"asshole. i'm twenty-three." she bites back.  

"exactly." he says. "you're a fetus. you're a young, tiny, innocent fetus." he pauses for a second, "well, maybe not exactly the innocent part." he grins coyly, earning another pillow to the face.

she scowls at him playfully, a small smile gracing her lips. "shut up. and you do realize you're not much older than me right?" she flops back against the pillows, liking the poof! sound it made whenever she hit the confronter beneath her. it was settling, so much so that she did it again and again. sitting up and them flopping down. sit up, flop down. sit up, flop down. to say it annoyed him would be an understatement.

for someone who wasn't a high school student she sure as hell acted like one sometimes. 

most of the time.

all the damn time.

"still. you are in school. ask a teacher, they probably know. or ask google, like i said. they seem to have the answer to everything."

jo blatantly ignores his answer, lost in her own world as she begins to ramble on, a trait he found out she did often. on most people he would find it annoying, but for some reason it suited her. "but it's so cruel." she pouts, narrowing her eyes and glaring at the blank TV screen. "i mean, they have all these bird friends and they see them fly in the sky, and all they wanna do is fly too but they can't because the universe gave them crappy wings that can't hold them up. it's crappy. the situation's crappy. chicken's deserve better." she says in one breath, sinking into the pillows behind her once she was done.

he looks at her for second before bursting into loud laughter. she seemed to have that effect on him, making him laugh at the most unconventional of times. "you think chickens deserve better?" he asks incredulously after he calms down from his laughing fit, a wide grin on his face as he looks at her.

jo blushes and looks away, feeling the heat rise from her cleavage to her face. she truly didn't know where the hell that rant came. she purses her lips and crosses her arms over her chest. "y-yes." she stutters out, trying not to launch into another long monologue. she could go on for days about how the poor, innocent, annoying cluckers got delt crappy cards.  

"oh, i get it." he says, suddenly laying down on the empty spot next to her. "the chicken is you, and the wings are mothers. you're wondering why all the other people -birds- have wings -mothers- but you don't."

she stares at him, mouth agape. was that what she was thinking? she'd never put that together before. was she doing it without even realizing it? "n-no." she stutters out lamely. that would be crazy right? comparing a bird and wings to herself. that's just.. sad. not to mention pathetic. who the hell compares themselves to flightless birds? pathetic people, that's who. she wasn't a chicken, she was a... a fucking unicorn!

"please. i'm the king of euphemisms." he smirks, tossing a shirt into his suitcase as he stands form his position. he looks up to meet her eyes, which were wide. "you didn't know." he states, jo nodding in response.

he shrugs nonchalantly, "well, congrats on knowing it earlier than me. i didn't figure out the weird shit i said was just me reflecting on myself until last year." he gives a half hearted attempt at a grin. it was true. it wasn't until a patient pointing it out actually (who he thought was kind of crazy), so he supposed he couldn't give himself much credit.  

jo pinches her eyebrows together, biting her bottom lip in concentration. "i just compared myself to a chicken." she says abruptly, making him let out a snort.

"that you did."

she suddenly stands up from her spot on the bed, hands flying around like a mad woman. "who the fuck compares themselves to a chicken!" she shrieks, sounding so serious alex was trying not to burst into a laugh right then and there.

"you." he deadpans, unable to stop the wide smirk that spread across his sharp features. she was too easy to mess with sometimes.  

she throws him a sharp glare, taking off her flat from her foot and hitting him right in the chest, picking it up and slipping it back on after. he winces as he rubs the spot, making sure no shoe prints got marked on him. he wouldn't know how the hell he would explain that to robbins. i mean, 'oh no, i'm fine, just got trampled by a single shoe' was a bit of a hard thing to believe.

"no, but... that's just weird." she says, crossing her arms over her chest once more as she looks out the window, taking notice of the light bits of snow falling from the sky. she didn't know why she expected otherwise. it was november after all. she'd practically grown up in boston, she knew the reasons like the back of her hand.

he nods. "it is."

jo watches as the snow falls. it was so pure. she used to consider herself pure. well, not really. she lived in her car and had gotten kicked out of so many foster homes she lost count. but she did always think she still had that shred of innocence left in her, the girl who looked for the good in everything, despite her normally pessimistic thoughts. now, now that little bit of purity was shattered.

she cheated on her husband.

and the worst part? she enjoyed it. not the fact that she was cheating, god no. the guilt was all consuming, a torturous monster that she truly just wanted to stab to death with a sword as she watched it bleed out. no, she felt guilty at the fact that she couldn't get enough of the sex.

no man had ever made her feel the way alex karev had in the past three days. never in her life. she'd had random hookups that she met at bars who were quite good, and not to mention her husband, who she would used to compare to god in bed. but now... now she wasn't so sure.

it was like he knew her. it was like... he knew exactly what to do to push her over the edge, something she had never experienced before. god, she felt so dirty. she wanted to just hop in the shower and scrub every reminder of alex off her, but at the same time she just wanted to do him in the shower.

shaking away her thoughts, she looks back at him, noting how he also seemed to be lost in his mind as well, staring at the snow.

he notices her eyes on him, so he just lets his mouth tumble out the words flying through his brain. he didn't feel the need to hold back around jo, something he didn't know he was missing until she came into the picture.

"it doesn't snow very often in seattle." he says, watching as the white flakes trickle down to the sidewalk, some sticking to the window as they let the wind move them in whatever direction it pleases.

"we get a lot of rain, but not a lot of snow. to be honest, it snowed more in iowa." she nods at his words. she'd known snow all her life. she grew up on the east coast and never left. she liked the white fluffiness that would make tiny piles outside her bay window in the study, something she had since she moved in with paul.

she grimaces slightly, "do you ever get annoyed with the rain?" she asks softly.

alex nods furiously, a silent chuckle escaping his lips. "all the damn time." he whispers, taking a seat on one of the chairs the room housed.

"then why'd you move there?" she asks curiously. surely he knew how much it rained in seattle. practically babies did.  

"i got accepted to seattle grace. no way in hell would i give up a chance to train at one of the best hospital's in the world because of the weather."

she nods, settling into a comfortable silence with him as they focus on the snow. that was something they both enjoyed about each other. there was no pressure to fill the noise. they could sit in silence and be okay with it.

the snow falling was like them, having to leave this hotel room. here, they were able to attack each other's lips with all they had in them, no matter how wrong it was. the snow hitting the ground was like them needing to leave the four walls. it was them having to face and come to terms with their actions.

so for the moment they sat silently, just trying to savor the last few moments before their life would probably turn to shit.

they weren't telling anybody, god no. but the overhanging cloud of guilt and shame above their head's already made it a little bit harder to carry on.

some say the guilt is the ultimate punishment, worse than death or anything else.

and at that moment they couldn't agree more.

____

they sit for a while longer, just watching the city of boston get covered in white. it was settling, calming in a way they didn't know they needed.

he would miss talking to her. which was a stupid thing to say. a really stupid thing to say actually. but it was the truth. he had never found himself opening up to someone so easily. for once in his life he wasn't given eyes of pity when someone hears his sob story he called his childhood, instead she just understood. she knew what it was like to grow up with basically nothing and make themselves into something, trying to be better than their parents, even though she never knew her's.

it was refreshing, talking to someone without having to worry abut being judged or labeled as something he used to be. he wasn't a foster kid anymore, nor a little boy who had to take care of his younger siblings from such a young age. he wasn't the twelve year old boy who had to practically raise his little sister. to her, he was just alex. the guy who she cheated on her husband with (he wasn't proud of that part), the guy she talked until three in the morning with. the guy she ate a shit loud of pizza with. he was just a normal guy with a crappy past.

she would miss talking to him too. with alex, talking was so natural. she didn't need to think, she didn't feel the pressure to say the right thing in hopes that she would be seen as more than what she had been told she was all her life.

but she would miss him holding her.

a lot.

when they laid in bed, he would wrap his arms around her and pull her in close. she swore, she had never felt more safe than she did while nestled in his chest as his fingers wove through her hair. it was such an intimate embrace, and they knew they shouldn't be doing it, but hell, they'd crossed the line that first night. why not be a bit more reckless? the only people feeling the pain would be them.  and if a few hours of them taking away each other's pain would mean that there was more added on later, then why the hell not?  

they didn't want to say goodbye. not just because they were screwing each other, but because they had made a friend in one another.

so with that thought, without looking away from the window alex sticks out his palm to the side, not far away from jo, "hand me your phone."

she quirks a quizzical brow at him, "what?" she asks, turning to face towards him from where she was sitting on the miniature table. it was a small little thing, but she petite herself, so the table acted like a stool.  

he simply only raises his eyebrows and she gets what he means. she cracks a small smile, happy that he didn't want their newfound friendship to come to an end either. she learned over the years that losing a relationship was okay, it would take time to heal, but you got over it. a friendship was something you never ultimately forgot about. he and alex weren't by any means in a relationship, but it was safe to say they had become really good friends.  

she walks over to the bedside table, grabbing her phone and unlocking it, a new pang of guilt shooting through her at the sight of her lock screen. it was of her and paul a few months ago, a couple weeks before he proposed. they looked really happy. she was smiling wide and he was pressing a kiss to the side of her cheek. she shakes off the feelings, opening the contact app for him to fill out with his information.

"put your name down as alexandra." she says adamantly, alex glancing up with a look of displeasure.

"what?" last time he checked his full name was alexander, not a chick's name.

"he might get suspicious." she shrugs her shoulders, taking his phone from his hand and filling out the little lines of information.

he rolls his eyes, he thought it was a bit excessive, but he did kinda of get where she was coming from. just alex could be a boy or a girl. "fine, then you have to be joseph." he answers, smirking triumphantly.

she scowls, begrudgingly typing out joseph onto the screen. "you better not fucking call me that asshole." she mutters, earning a light laugh. nobody ever really called him stuff like 'asshole' or 'dickhead' without using it as an insult. it was actually pretty funny when it wasn't being used condescendingly, he learned.  

"as long as you don't call me alexandra we have a deal." he shakes his head. "i already know an alexandra. dated one, but we call her lexie." he mumbles, more to himself than to jo. a small laugh is heard in the room after his words, alex cracking a small, barely there smile. they eventually stand up, knowing that now was the time. if they delayed it any longer than he would miss his flight, and that was one thing he couldn't do, because that would mead to questions from robbins, which would lead to questions from izzie, which would lead to the truth coming out. long story short, he couldn't miss his flight.  

alex and jo stand in front of each other, staring into each other's eyes.

should she kiss him? as a goodbye?

as if he hears her thoughts he's stepping closer to her, raising one hand to her cheek, his eyes looking a bit conflicted as he stares at her. he takes it as a sign that she doesn't pull away and begins to lean in, making her shiver all over as she feels his breath fan her face. their heart rates pick up simultaneously in their chests, a feeling that hadn't faded over the past three days.

after what seems like hours their lips finally connect, taking in their taste for the last time. the fire burns in their stomach's, but this time they put it aside. if they took it any further, they knew that they would end up in the throes of passion once again.

they pull away at the same time, him reaching down to grab the handle of his suitcase as he walks out of the door with her, who only has her small clutch in her hand. he shuts the door behind them, staring at her once more.

"goodbye jo." he says, beginning to turn away.

"goodbye alex."

[szopenhauer]

Grossest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom? pee, poop and blood mixed with vomit all over the place Do you consider your family dysfunctional? all families are toxic, more or less Do you hate people who act like everything is fine when its not? I hate those people, they both want you to leave them alone and guess, they’re annoyed with the fact you wanna know as much as you not caring about them, never satisfied, then blame everybody else, how are we supposed to act if we feel you don’t trust us enough to tell the truth? it’s your own fault! we also have problems, not everything’s about you, if you prefer to kill yourself than speak up, that’s your choice but it means you’re a coward, I’m tired of that behavior

Ever had a body piercing ripped out? never had a piercing so I’m lucky not to be bullied this way

Can you sew/croshet/knit? I know basics but I have no patience so it’s not my hobby Do you put the cap back on the toothpaste after using it? of course :o  Have you shot off a firework? never, it’s dangerous, I prefer to look and from afar  Are you offended when you see women breast feeding? no

Do you hate when people keep things from you? if we’re close then sure Can you multitask? I can XD

*działam na dwa fronty, boobs, albo na tyłach* Are you too sensitive? hypersensitive Who wears the pants in the relationship? who wears the socks and cowboy hat tho?

If you were given three things to make you happy, what would these be? health, money and no worries How would you rank the following in importance: family, career, love life? family and love life then career as I’m not interested in it 

Which would you prefer: having a baby without a partner or a partner without a baby? partner without a baby  but tbh it would be better to raise a baby without a partner if I decided to have a kid (I don’t want children though) as there wouldn’t be disagreements on how to nor risk of arguments and then divorce in general which would be super hard for the little one 

Do you think God is real, and why? sigh...

Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why? rarely as it’s like putting your hand into fire hoping it will be cold this time, people usually change for worse - not better Do you think people fall in love because the right person has arrived, or because the time is right (regardless of whom the person is that they fall in love with)? because of other reasons usually as I wouldn’t call their relationships LOVE, they’re just desperate, scared of being lonely How important is trust in a relationship? I don’t think I can trust someone completely but still it’s very important to me to trust them as much as I am capable to - if I can’t trust them at all then it won’t work  How do you feel about infidelity? it makes people feel like they’re not enough and they also get paranoid later, it causes trauma, person who was cheated on will always be afraid to trust another human being in case someone “better” will show up, nobody is perfect but it’s better if you break up than do smth romantic or sexual behind your partner’s back, nobody deserves it, if you can’t be with one person only then either do open relationships or polyamory or just don’t commit to anyone - one night stands or something - infidelity is caused by wanting more and being impulsive, liking adrenaline, risky behavior, you are some sort of an abuser, not just a liar, because you’re hurting someone who’s supposed to be closest to you, intoxication isn’t an excuse, if you can’t keep it in your pants when you’re drunk then don’t drink too much or publicly - simple as that, love is a promise and you’re breaking it for fun, someone said today that it’s like checking if another branch will snap while still holding another - sounds careful but that’s not the point - it’s just that you should sit on it (stability) instead of jumping trees after you already commited to one of them and made a nest on it, you will break all of the branches (other people) and you will end up on the ground anyway - alone, who wants to be with a cheater? honestly - rapist will always stay rapist even if he won’t rape again and so is the cheating person - they might change but fear will always be a part of their partner for sure, dating is like a competition for many, trying until you find the best match, always looking around, never warming up to anyone in case there’s a better opportunity, constant game that make us anxious, showing off you’re the best player among all and... you actually are a player in both of this word’s definitions, sadly What quality in a person do you fall in love with? it’s not a single separate thing but someone whole I believe, I tried to explain that to myself but it’s very hard, there are some traits I might like more, go for, see as necessities but I’m unable to list them for now - maybe later/someday Do you find it difficult to admit that you are wrong, and why? I am - I don’t care about winning, I want truth and justice, I prefer to be right but without admitting I’m wrong that can’t happen Which would you prefer in a romantic partner: a dreamer or an achiever? dreamer, I dislike overly ambitious and workaholic people  What do you think are the two things that prevent people from realizing their dreams? money issues and health problems or time

So the world is dying to know the longest you’ve ever been on an airplane. 0 hours

Speaking of airplanes, can you sleep on them easily or no? no idea

So if I were to touch the place you last itched, would it be awkward? sorta

Have you ever come close to drowning? it was close in my opinion

Is the window in this room currently open or closed? closed

Is your phone fully charged right now? it is indeed

If you gave yourself a symbol (ex: star) to represent you, it would be…? not sure

Combine your two favorite animals. What kind of animal do you get? raccoon + elephant?

If I gave you a box of chocolates, which would you hope to get? I prefer something else than a box of chocolates

Have you ever caught your clothes on fire before? omg luckily not 

Are you any good at improv? been told

Do you have any special handshakes with friends? I don’t have... friends :x

Are you better at writing fiction or nonfiction? I’m good at both but I prefer fiction

How many times does the letter ’t’ occur in your full name? once

Last song you heard? Crystal Castles - Suffocation Reason you last threw up? meds withdrawal How many pairs of flip flops do you own? zero Do you ever pick up pennies for good luck? I pick up all coins that I find and give them to my dad Something you wear all the time that you’d feel naked without? panties

If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? not applicable Would you ever pick up gum from the ground and eat it? hell no Have you ever gotten stitches? nope

Think back to the last thing you drank. Did you drink it using a straw? I didn’t Is the sun shining? it’s almost midnight  Where did you go today? shopping Have you ever taken a survey while under the influence of drugs or alcohol? I don’t drink or take illegal drugs Where will you be in an hour? in my bed Is anyone irritating you? not atm unless I can count myself  Have your parents ever threatened to throw your things away because your room was messy? sorta Is your shirt pink? it’s mostly white Are you going to do more surveys? it’s late and I’m commited to finish this one Who is the most complicated person in your life right now? ... me? Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? yep Are you hungry or thirsty right now? thirsty Do you own a pair of gumboots? eww, gross Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I might  Do you rate people’s attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? rating 1-10 is very hard for me Is there anything that you could cry about right now? shitload of reasons When was the last time you used Facebook? today like every other day Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? our house How many vowels are in your street name? 4 Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? I did not Have you ever been a member of an online dating site?  couple Do you know what your neighbours even look like? obvi Do you put ketchup on your fries? yuk

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? uh oh I should check that in my photo album in pics from middle school 

Is your dream job attainable? they ain’t

Have you read a newspaper today? we don’t buy/read newspapers

Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? I’m done with school and am unemployed

Have you ever been to a drive-in theatre? no

Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? guitar

Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? camp

Do you live with your parents? still

Are there any embarrassing school pictures of you anywhere in your house? there are

What moment in your life have you been most scared? constantly now last half year

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? long story

Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I make them but barely ever

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? computer

Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? prefer them to cook for me 

How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? hope that this will happen soon 

Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? I need one

Have you ever ripped your pants in public? even recently 

Have you ever thought someone was talking to you, but it turned out they were on the phone? Did you play it off? possibly

Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? can we not talk about it?...

Who was the last person you slow danced with? my gf

Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? often, nothing as I’m disabled

Do you say ‘like’ a lot? used to

Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? at times I did

Do you ever go into photobooths? yay!

What bill do you hate paying the most? I’d hate paying rent as it’s idiotically high

What’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? everywhere can be romantic with a right person

What was your first car? none yet

Favorite guilty pleasure? personal

What celeb do you think resembles you best? basing on look? Cole Sprouse or Maisie Williams but with Juno Temple body

Who from high school would you like to run in to? hmm...

Start a new career or relationship? just get a job as I’m taken

Are any of your toes connected? I don’t have webbed toes

What was the last thing you dreamed about? running from the police... w klapkach

What color is your bedroom carpet? no carpet Have you ever had a black and white cat? all black Would you rather have an STD or share a bed with Michael Jackson? life chose for me and honestly this is probably the first time I’m happy about it Do you have any wallpaper in your house? I wish How many pairs of underwear do you own? lots of panties but not enough bras Who was your primary/elemantary school’s most popular girl? E.O. and A.M. Would you like to learn to play the harp? meh Are your feet ticklish? very and I hate that Do you have a black dog? it’s partially black Who has the prettiest toes, that you know of? feet are disgusting  What’s your least favorite season? winter

Do you enjoy walks? sure Can you roll your tongue? I can Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? gimme Would you forgive someone for cheating? hard to tell Have you seen A Clockwork Orange? not interested Do you like to read? occasionally re you a grumpy person? often Do you like cotton candy? never tried and don’t wanna Rap or pop? pop What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried? rose, amazing! Love or lust? love Do you remember lyrics easily? am I the only one who don’t? :(

[hapalopus]

I'm starting to think Concerta might just not be for me. First 3 days on 18mg was great, and I've rarely felt less tired. But ofc I built up a tolerance after that and the doctor instead prescribed 36mg. I'm really hungry, which is the opposite side effect of what everyone else experiences, and today it lasted 4 or 5 hours less than it should. At least I don't have school right now, so this is the best time to test it, but I just wish this stuff was easier to figure out. I'm crashing atm, so I'm kinda pessimistic, but... ugh.... I can't collect my thoughts, any person moving around or sharing my space is pissing me off, and I almost had a sensory overlod because someone was fiddling with a plastic bag. And the worst part is I won't know if any of this is usual for me/these meds until I' ve been on them for at least two or three weeks

[doc-resilient]

What helped to you choose internal med? Cause im between internal and peds atm, obvs it’ll change as i get through m3, but the gauging the scope of the practices is hard. I like peds for how broad the practice is, despite the narrow age range, But internal med, ideally i’d want to be a hospitalist, it has a lot of different paths to follow but idk if i want to be a “care coordinator” you know? In terms of happiness/longevity, are you pleased with where youre at?

Ooo, first off. Hey community, please chime in! How did #MedBlr decide what they were gonna #Med in?

HI FRIEND! Love the question! I am probably the worst person to ask but isn’t the worst person to ask also kind of the best person to ask? (That made sense in my head.)

But really, thank you so much for asking because this is a perfect opportunity for reflection as I prepare for the future.

So let’s break it down.

((record scratch))

About Me (AKA Physician, Know Thyself)

Step 1 (sorry, not that Step 1): what is important to you? When I say “know thyself,” this profession is full of introspection and discovering things about yourself and medicine, so of course it will change and evolve. It still helps however to sit down and pick a few important interests /dealbreakers about yourself.

If you’re into this, do it with me now! Here’s an example list about myself so you get where I am coming from when I made my choice.

I am passionate about / it is important to me that I am this type of physician:

- Public Health / Policy - Big Picture- Hands On- People And Their Stories- Interdisciplinary- Broad Knowledge / Capable in Many Situations- Passions Outside Medicine

Choosing Internal Medicine (AKA The Match Forcing Me to Say Goodbye to My Other Love, Family Med)

Some people meet their specialty and just know. Choosing my specialty involved using what was important to narrow it down. The interesting thing about The List is that you and I can have the same list but come to a different decision. Your experiences and how these things translate to you will vary.

Going through clinical years I was like, yo! I like it all - yes, even surgery. The name of the game became ruling out. I ruled out surgery because to be a surgeon, I personally would’ve wanted that to be a calling level interest. As for pediatrics, honestly I feel like I didn’t have the strongest exposure so that might have played a factor but I essentially wasn’t ready to give up treating adults though I truly did like (and felt mentally and socially capable of) treating kids. (In retrospect, I do think I would have really enjoyed pediatrics so totally keep exploring it, friend!)

I eventually narrowed it down to Internal Medicine or Family Medicine and was willing to rank by program and let the Match decide. To me, IM or FM was going to give me that big picture and broad knowledge that I craved. I felt it would allow me to have other passions and veer off the beaten path to less traditional physician roles, too. I wasn’t tied to needing to specialize [IM subspecialties] but knew I’d consider it if I matched IM. That’s what ended up happening and I said a bittersweet goodbye to bebes and preggos.

Exploring Hospital Medicine (AKA Where I Am Now AKA Love is a Battlefield)

Why hospitalist? Going through internal medicine residency, I did not end up finding my One True Specialty. There were aspects of all of them that I liked but not one that I immediately wanted to do the rest of my life. Turns out I didn’t change much in terms of The List/ What Was Important To Me, either. I do not mind outpatient primary care and can see still myself choosing it and having a patient panel. However, I chose hospital medicine. I am still a newbie to it (despite growing up around it in my residency) and am still job hunting/learning more about the pros and cons. From what I understood, I felt hospital medicine would allow me a broad range of experiences and interactions, particularly acuity. It would allow me to build on my residency training and keep those skills sharp while allowing me a flexible schedule to pursue further interests (medicine and non-medicine.)

You mention the term “care coordinator.” You are absolutely right, internal medicine (and our family medicine brethren) doctors can be all those super fun terms - gatekeepers, care coordinators, order monkeys, assistant to the assistant managers, etc. Like all of our medical community, we face all the frustrations and broken pieces. It’s just I feel like hospital medicine and primary care faces it head-on. We are one of the frontlines of everything the system holds - politics, bureaucracy, overburdened, etc. If our other counterparts have shelters (”shift work”, “Let the primary handle”, etc.), I feel like we have less of it. It is so easy and even a protective mechanism to get jaded.

Instead of this being a con, this is actually a reason I want to go into it. Outside of medicine, I actually *am* interested in seeing how this system is broken and brainstorming solutions to ease it. I am interested in understanding the politics (some can’t stomach meetings, I can). I also feel like I am good at self-reflection and keeping an eye on getting jaded (hopefully, if not I have friends and family for that.) So yeah, I’m trying to hack it from the inside, essentially.

That being said, I am still interested in fellowships in the future (Infectious Disease? Endocrine? Something Else?) and I think hospitalist will be a good transition as I build a strong foundation prior to applying to fellowship.

Okay, Talky McTalkerson, So Are You Sustainably Happy?

To me, my happiness/longevity (which I’m calling Sustainably Happy) is having  freedom. By freedom, I mean the freedom to mold my career, the freedom to grow and learn as a physician, the freedom to change my life completely if I want/need to, and the freedom to be a multifaceted human of which a physician is a fundamental part but just a part. I believe, where I am now, a state school undergraduate grad, an American IMG, t-minus 5+ months left of my internal medicine residency at an unopposed community hospital, trying to be a better physician and person, currently looking for hospitalist jobs and also soul searching of what the future should look like… I believe in longevity, and I think I’m happy enough (it’s a mindset and active practice y’all), and can only see myself getting happier.

Thank you to all who read this. I hope it was at least a little bit helpful.

Cheers,

Doc Resilient

[innerclouds]

More requests

200 things you can put in my ask

200: My crush’s name is: Beeb

199: I was born in: A hospital

198: I am really: Quiet

197: My cellphone company is: Nonexistent

196: My eye color is: Ugly

195: My shoe size is: Nine something

194: My ring size is: No idea

193: My height is: Smol

192: I am allergic to: Tangerines and mildly to watermelon

191: My 1st car was: A PoS

190: My 1st job was: Stressful

189: Last book you read: Can't recall

188: My bed is: Too small

187: My pet: Stinks

186: My best friend: The bestest

185: My favorite shampoo is: Nice smelling

184: Xbox or ps3: PC Master race

183: Piggy banks are: Cute

182: In my pockets: Lint

181: On my calendar: Nothing

180: Marriage is: Lovely

179: Spongebob can: Live in my closet

178: My mom: Is loud

177: The last three songs I bought were? Bought?

176: Last YouTube video watched: Some ASMR

175: How many cousins do you have? Lots

174: Do you have any siblings? Yes

173: Are your parents divorced? They never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? Lolno

171: Do you play an instrument? No

170: What did you do yesterday? Haphazardly made an avatar

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Sure

168: Luck: Kinda

167: Fate: Kinda

166: Yourself: Sure

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: No

162: God: No

161: Horoscopes: They're fun to entertain

160: Soul mates: Yes

159: Ghosts: In one form or another

158: Gay Marriage: Absolutely

157: War: I believe it's a thing but it shouldn't be

156: Orbs: Dust mote or bug

155: Magic: It's fun to entertain

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Both

153: Drunk or High: Latter

152: Phone or Online: Both

151: Red heads or Black haired: Both

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Both

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Both

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: PC master race

139: Flip flops or high heals: Thongs

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: For what?

137: Coke or Pepsi: Bepsis

136: Hillary or Obama: Ew

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated

134: Singing or Dancing: Neither

133: Coach or Chanel: What?

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who?

131: Small town or Big city: Either

130: Wal-Mart or Target: I don't have a preference

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Neither

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither

127: East Coast or West Coast: I'm quite literally in the middle

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Both

124: Disney or Six Flags: Both

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Unfortunate but never going away

121: George Bush: Don't care

120: Gay Marriage: Yes

119: The presidential election: Never fails to be a shit show

118: Abortion: Yes

117: MySpace: That still exists?

116: Reality TV: Rarely watched

115: Parents: Love one, don’t care about the other

114: Back stabbers: Go away

113: Ebay: Rarely used

112: Facebook: Trying to get back into for group shenanigans and related fun

111: Work: Tiring

110: My Neighbors: Nice besides one

109: Gas Prices: Need to be free

108: Designer Clothes: I don't pay attention to labels

107: College: Used to be required, now a breeding ground for stupidity

106: Sports: No interest

105: My family: Eh

104: The future: Hopefully better

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Eons ago

102: Last time you ate: Couple hours ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: If I did I didn't notice them

100: Cried in front of someone: See 103

99: Went to a movie theater: I don't recall the date

98: Took a vacation: Not that long ago

97: Swam in a pool: See 103

96: Changed a diaper: See 103

95: Got my nails done: Never happened

94: Went to a wedding: See 103

93: Broke a bone: Never happened

92: Got a peircing: See 103

91: Broke the law: Good while ago

90: Texted: Like a second ago

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Bae

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My bed

87: The last movie I saw: I don't recall the title, I have a terrible memory

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Bae

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Flying

84: People call me: Weird

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Math

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never

81: My zodiac sign is: Ratto

80: The first person i talked to today was: Cat

79: First time you had a crush: Some short asshole

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Bae

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: See above

76: Right now I am talking to: See above

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Go to Neptune

74: I have/will get a job: Yes

73: Tomorrow: Work

72: Today: Live stream

71: Next Summer: Work

70: Next Weekend: Work

69: I have these pets: Cat

68: The worst sound in the world: A yowling feline

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Idk

66: People that make you happy: Bae

65: Last time I cried: I've answered this

64: My friends are: Bae

63: My computer is: Needing replacement parts soon

62: My School: Long gone

61: My Car: Junk

60: I lose all respect for people who: Pull double standards

59: The movie I cried at was: Idk

58: Your hair color is: Ugly

57: TV shows you watch: None atm

56: Favorite web site: Youtube? I dunno, they're scummy but I still watch vids on them.

55: Your dream vacation: Northern lands or land of the rising sun with bae

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Past deep depression

53: How do you like your steak cooked: Med-rare

52: My room is: Small

51: My favorite celebrity is: Nigel John Dermot Neill

50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere north

49: Do you want children: Maybe

48: Ever been in love: Yes

47: Who’s your best friend: Bae

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Does it matter?

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Full tum

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Bae

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I'd like to

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Not a physical one

41: Have you pre-named your children: No

40: Last person I got mad at: Some dumbarse discord drama

39: I would like to move to: See 50

38: I wish I was a professional: Skydiver

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Blue raspberry/apple jolly rancher

36: Vehicle: 1970 volkswagen beetle

35: President: Theodore Roosevelt

34: State visited: None

33: Cellphone provider: Why are people shilling for cellphone providers?? Is this a new zoomer thing? wtf

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: See 51

30: Actress: Sigourney Weaver

29: Singer: Till Lindemann

28: Band: Long ass list

27: Clothing store: Stop shilling for corps

26: Grocery store: See above

25: TV show: None atm

24: Movie: See above

23: Website: See above

22: Animal: Shark, rat, birbs

21: Theme park: Idk

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: None

18: Sport to play: None

17: Magazine: None

16: Book: None atm

15: Day of the week: Thursday

14: Beach: None

13: Concert attended: Ozzfest

12: Thing to cook: Omelette, soup, noodles

11: Food: See above

10: Restaurant: Idk

9: Radio station: See above

8: Yankee candle scent: What?

7: Perfume: None

6: Flower: Rose, Iris

5: Color: Black, gray, purple, blue, white

4: Talk show host: Idk

3: Comedian: Bill Hicks

2: Dog breed: Mop dog

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Ye

[weareladyknight]

Lady Knight's Drow Arcane Archer Is Taking Some Paladin Levels!

Thought you guys would be interested and excited to hear this! It got long so everything is under the cut. Also, playing in 5e so following those rules.

So we’re playing in the Forgotten Realms. My character, Aryana, isn’t aimless but she’s not super emotionally invested in the story rn. She has A Quest and she doesn’t want Acererak (very powerful undead wizard) to destroy Faerun for the very Peter Quill reason that she’s one of the assholes that lives there. And so does her entire Drow House and her whole thing is that she will do anything for the benefit of her House to the detriment of herself and people not in her House (she is def Lawful Evil). But you know, she could go off on her own and do those things. 

So Aryana walks into the Yawning Portal Tavern with the party while investigating the disappearance of the uncle of the party’s Druid (the uncle is a former PC btw). This human woman glares at Aryana. And she’s like “what? I’ve never seen you in my life” and the woman’s companion is like “oh, she just hates you because you’re a drow.” And Ayrana finds bigotry hilarious (it’s just been a few assholes weaker than her being mean so she can laugh at it). She starts antagonizing the human woman like “come on, let’s fight, you got beef, let’s take this outside, come on, I wanna fight you, let’s do this.” And this makes the human real mad. She stands up and her form changes... 

It’s Ayrana’s commanding officer, her mentor and she’s pointing an automatic crossbow at Ayrana’s heart and yelling “YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!!! YOU DESTROYED OUR HOUSE!!! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE!!!” 

And Aryana is just like “What the fucccckkkkkk?!?” She doesn’t have gaps in her memory and she hasn’t been back home for ten years or so. But this is her CO, her captain, so she’s open to the fact that she might have. Fight breaks out. The captain’s companion teleports out. Ayrana runs outside because she def does not want to be on Durnan the Bartender’s bad side and this really can be settled outdoors. One of the spellcasters knocks the captain out (bad saving throw on her part). 

The Druid wants to take her to the party base for further interrogation because the captain is a Drow and there was drow poison found in her uncle’s house. Ayrana wants to take her captain to the guards because while she is evil, she is lawful and she wants this done properly. But practically speaking, she wants her captain under watch so she can do other shit. 

A five minute argument ensues because out-of-character I was having connection issues and didn’t know about the Druid’s Uncle (we were playing over Discord) and in-character Aryana is so worked up she forgot why they were at the Yawning Portal in the first place. She’s not really... Emotionally invested in her party members and their problems. But that may change as things go on. She eventually decides that going along with what the other party member wants is best. 

They go back to their base, which is in a cliffside cave outside of Waterdeep. And fucking Acererak is there and he wants to talk. But he wants to see how this will go down first and even though the party is pretty eager to know why he’s here, they don’t want to fight him atm so they’re all just like “whatever.” 

They tie up Aryana’s captain, cast zone of truth (she fails the saving throw, Aryana chooses to pass). Aryana kneels in front of her captain and says “I don’t know what I did, but please tell me. If I did do what you say, I will fling myself off this cliff, I swear.”

 And so much shit is revealed. 

1. The captain claims that “Aryana” came back home, asked for some help with her quest and she got a squad of 400 soldiers. As they’re making their march “Aryana” leads them into an ambush. Seventy-five of Ayrana’s comrades die including her best friend. The captain loses an eye in the fight. The only reason they’re not all slaughtered is that their Drow Mother is able to intervene. 

2. Aryana’s like “I do not remember any of that. Also, we live in Faerun, that was probably a doppelganger, or I was mind controlled or any other thing.” Her captain is not hearing it though and they keep arguing and the druid is really eager to get back to the matter of her uncle. 

Tired of this, Acererak is like “omg, fine, it was me. I disguised myself as Aryana and tricked the soldiers into the ambush.” (The lowest INT character in the party guessed this btw BUT the player is in med school and a real smart cookie). Aryana stands up, gets in the lich’s face and is like “I will destroy your phylactery, and then I will kill you. I will not rest until you are gone from this universe.” He’s not impressed. 

3. Anyways, the druid is still pretty keyed up about her uncle and Aryana’s captain admits that it was her and her partner (the guy who peaced out at the Yawning Portal) who kidnapped the Druid’s uncle for the Red Wizards ( some more seriously bad dudes working for Acererack) and he’s probably in Thay (the city the Red Wizard’s control) right now. I s2g if our princess is in another motherfucking castle...  

4. Acererack “threatens” to leave and the party is like “whatever, we don’t actually want to talk to you or for you to be here.” But before he teleports out, Aryana puts down her weapons and unties her captain and starts beating the shit out of her screaming, “You thought it was me!!! You fucking thought it was me!!! How could you!! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” and Acererack’s like “WORLDSTAR!!!” 

5. When Aryana is done (she stops before her captain is killed or even permanently injured). Acerack finally says what he wants. He wants to trade his phylactery (the thing he keeps his soul in) for The Black Opel Crown, an artifact that’s key in a ritual to destroy the world. And the party for so many reasons says “no way in hell, fuck off!” And before they can fight him and take the probably-fake phylactery just in case (the guy we’re talking to is definitely a clone not the real deal and the party is level 14 so they can probably take him) he teleports out, counterspells the warlock’s counterspell so he’s gone. Bummer. 

I don’t think that’s the order it went down in but i’m trying to make it easy to follow here so. 

So the druid and another PC who also has a missing relative that was in the past campaign’s party are fucking chomping at the bit to go to Thay. But Ayrana’s like “no, we are not going in unprepared this time. We’ve done that too many times and our luck is running out. We need to go... To The Library.” 

More miscommunication ensues. 

Once that clears up, the party hits up our most powerful available contact, Syndra Silvane. She gives us a contract for us to sign basically giving us the authority to do whatever it takes to bring down Acererack. Being trigger happy, vengeance fueled adventurers who really like living in Faerun, we sign it. Don’t worry, there are lines we probably won’t cross. Like torture. Doesn’t work anyways. And if we do commit war crimes, I trust the DM to have it bite us in the ass. 

The warlock tells us everything he knows about Thay (he used to live there but since he was only in the poor/merchant districts and he biffs his History check... we don’t learn much). THEN we go to the library to learn everything we can about Thay and the Red Wizards. We realize that we need to fucking go, so Silvane hooks us up with one of her guys that we know and trust to stay behind and do research and send reports to us. 

Then the DM looks at the clock and is just like “this is going to go on forever, we’re gonna stop here and you guys can think about your next move and start planning properly next week.” I am very sad but very excited. 

So yeah, before she heads out to Thay, Aryana is going to go down into a cave (preferably with running water for the Sheer Purpose of Drama) and swear an oath to Lolth that she will take down Acererack and avenge her House and get the two PCs with kidnapped relatives to witness her promise and bind her to it. Then when the time comes, paladin levels. 

Ngl I was a little hesitant to actually multiclass bc Aryana’s an archer and divine smite is melee-only. But she has sickles (stated as short swords) and the idea of the last thing Acererack sees before he dies is Aryana’s hate filled eyes while she’s smiting the shit out of him with the Divine Wrath of Lolth is too good to pass up. 

So, so much credit to the Dungeon Master @blackbeanswithdice for making a great session. I am thrilled about what’s coming next! 

[meremennen]

This is going to be a thematical series.

1: Work In Progress Works

Okay, hear me out. Work in progress works are so underappreciated. 

And even though I’m not sure if all of these works will be continued, some probably not, but I love them for a reason and they deserve a shout out. They are all honestly so great for various reasons (for plot, for characterisation, for the idea itself, for writing style or for editing, etc.) and I don’t regret any minute of reading them. 

The list, sorted by current ratings:

aphelion (modern/ G /space pirates, loosely based on Firefly, multiple POV)

Arrangement of a Lifetime * (modern/ G/ fake/pretend relationship)

Heaven Can’t Wait (canon/ G/ kidfic, fluff and angst)

Hello, Princess  (modern/ G/ college/university, slow burn, Maths nerds, humor)

I Know I Don't Deserve It, But Stay With Me A Minute (modern/ M/ 10 Things I Hate About You AU (loosely)

Let’s Go to the Mall! * (modern/ G/ denial of feelings, high school)

mind if i check you out? * (modern/ G/ bellarke library au, rivalry)

The Rest Was History * (modern/ G/ fake dating)

The Will ‘o the Wisps (modern/ G/ fantasy, faes)

This is where you fall, this is when you get up * (modern/ G/ cowboy!Bellamy)

Baby Mine (modern/ M/ Jane the Virgin AU)

Now and Then * (modern/ M/ best friends to lovers, past and present)

The Art of Disappearing * (modern/ M/ fake marriage)

Up In Flames * (canon/ M/ post season 1 AU)

Win a Date with Bellamy Blake (modern/ M/ slow burn, fake dating)

All Is Love (modern/ E/ kid fic, unplanned pregnancy)

Bite Me (canon/ E/ season 1, affectionate insults)

Friends With Benefits (modern/ E/ college/university, friends to lovers, humor)

The Prisoner and The Cure * (modern/ E for gore/zombies)

Weave Me A Myrtle Crown * (modern/ E / firefighter!bellamy, paramedic!clarke)

Happy reading!

I don’t know everyone’s tumblr, or if they have any, so if anyone is actually reading this and you wanna tag them, please do so.

Ratings are indicative and might change.

* – probably won’t be updated, but we can always hope

***************************************************************************

All Is Love (E) by @bisexualbellamyblake (AO3: lightyears )

135k+

Summary: It all begins because Raven declares that she's on a sex ban for three months. Clarke reminds her of this when her life is turned upside down. Raven reminds Clarke later, when everything finds its place again. / Or, Clarke finds out she's pregnant six weeks after Bellamy leaves. 

*** S l o w burn. And that moment when they reunite, or when Bellamy finds out about Clarke’s little secret tortured me in ways that hurt a lot. But hey, still breathing ;-) ***

aphelion (G) by @kindclaws  (AO3: kindclaws )

45k+

Summary: It's been two years since the spaceship Aphelion mysteriously disappeared, its crew branded by the ARK as traitors to be shot on sight. Jake Griffin was on that ship, and with him, a dangerous secret that could change civilized space forever./ Now, Clarke wants some answers - and revenge, if she can get it. Bellamy wants a bigger ship - specifically, Clarke's. Wells wants to fix the system his father broke. Octavia wants a little fun. Miller wants everyone to stop making poor life choices. Harper wants to kiss the new girl. And Raven? Well, Raven just wants to blow shit up./ The universe won't know what's hit it. (Space pirates AU!)

*** what I love the most about this fic is the multiple POV! It is so rare to have these kinds of stories, and honestly, it gives such a unique feel to it. I am so, sooo grateful for this fic. ***

Arrangement of a Lifetime * (M) @ FFnet: moomolie1709

55k+

Summary: He needed her to pose as his girlfriend, and she needed him to make her unfaithful ex jealous. But what began as a simple transaction between two business partners soon becomes more complicated than either of them could have ever anticipated.

*** without giving too much away, there is a really cute bedsharing scene and another scene with Clarke in a dress that I loved a lot. Sadly, it also ends after a huge cliffhanger, and I really doubt this will ever be finished, but it deserves to be on this list. And like with every other WIP, You NeVER kNOw. Your comment might just be the one that makes the lovely writer to finish it.*** 

Baby Mine (M) @ AO3: stumblesun

80k+

Summary: A routine doctor's appointment, a mix-up and an artificial insemination...what could go wrong?

*** I haven’t watched Jane the Virgin, but you don’t have to. S l o w burn ***

Bite Me (E) by @notnicorette (AO3: notnicorette)

10k+

Summary: 'Bite me' is a common insult, right? People say it all the time. Except...Clarke ends up screaming it at Bellamy... And, for once...he does take one of her orders.

*** good old season 1 feels!!! And you know, who says it didn’t happen, just because we haven’t seen it on screen ***

Friends With Benefits (E) @ DreamofInception on AO3

60k+

Summary: Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake hate each other. But they like each other naked.

*** Such an excellent humor!!! And heartbreak. ***

Heaven Can’t Wait (G) by @randomly-random-jen (AO3: justanotherjen ) 

45k+

Summary: With the Apocalypse banging at their door, the Arkadians and what's left of Trikru take refuge in the remains of Alpha Station and hope for the best./ Over 500 souls crammed into a tin can, but there's only one that has Bellamy wrapped around her little fingers.

*** post season 3 canon divergent, it’s so raw and emotional, and I love this Bellamy so, so much!! ***

Hello, Princess (G) @ AO3: moonyredmoon

Summary: Professors and TAs were supposed to teach and help you. They were supposed to appreciate students who took the time to come see them and ask questions. If nothing else, they were supposed to have a clear explanation when it came to questions on grading. Instead, Clarke had even more questions and only one new piece of information… / Bellamy Blake was an asshole.AU with Clarke in college as a pre-med student, and Bellamy her Calculus TA. More characters and tags will be added as they are introduced.

*** SLOWBURN, Maths nerd Bellamy tutoring Maths nerd Clarke is such a unique concept and I love it so much!! ***

Let’s Go to the Mall! * (G) @ AO3: Willaphyx

20k+

Summary: Clarke Griffin was looking forward to a summer of working at her favorite art store in the local mall. That is until she found out who works at the bookstore across the hall: Bellamy Blake, who quickly becomes Clarke's least favorite person. But it would seem like Bellamy doesn't quite feel the same. With the whole summer ahead of them, who knows what could happen?

*** It’s super cute. ***

mind if i check you out? * (G) @ AO3: earthandsky

5k+

Summary: "'Literally, he’s the only clerk to get requests from patrons,' Monty had told Clarke a few days ago, rolling his eyes. 'People come to the desk with all of their stuff and will specifically ask for Bellamy to check them out.' / Raven had grinned. 'I think they’d rather check him out.' / Monty had pulled a face but didn’t disagree. Apparently, Clarke was meeting him today. And he was going to train her. Awesome." / Bellarke Library AU.

*** Just read it. It’s great! ***

Now and Then (G atm, though it’s rated M) by @100yearsofbellarke (AO3: InfiniteBeauty93)

30k+

Summary: Growing up since birth together Bellamy and Clarke have been through the best and worst of times. But when Bellamy gets engaged and Clarke confesses her love to him he rejects her leaving her heartbroken. Now spending a week at her family's vacation house with Bellamy's in preparation to his wedding the past and present collide.

*** well, normally I don’t read anything with e.cho but this story was posted before the dark days, and trust me, it’s good. I’m really loving the alternating timelines!!! ***

I Know I Don't Deserve It, But Stay With Me A Minute (G, possibly turning M) @ AO3: belgardebells

45k+

Summary: Octavia Blake isn't allowed to date until her big brother Bellamy does, so she calls in a favour from her best friend Clarke Griffin. All Clarke has to do is seduce Bellamy, fake date him, and then break things off when Octavia starts going out with her waiter conquest. It's supposed to be quick, easy, and painless. And it is. Until Clarke starts falling for real.

*** this author has multiple WIPs (I recommend them all) and a really unique writing style and humor ***

The Art of Disappearing (M) @ AO3: Jenye

20k+

Summary: The first night they met they witnessed a grisly murder. Now they’re being placed into the Witness Protection Program. Starting life over in Ark, Minnesota was definitely not part of Clarke’s five-year plan. And gaining a wife certainly wasn’t something Bellamy saw himself doing this year.

*** Bellamy and Clarke falls in love in witness protection ***

The Prisoner and The Cure * (E for gore) @ AO3: PaintedGhostOrchid 

30k+

Summary: The US has been transformed into a barren, post-apocalyptic wasteland after a viral outbreak leaves society in shambles. But Clarke Griffin is a girl on a mission to her mother's research facility to deliver the only-known cure- if only she can avoid the free-roaming criminals who are determined to kill her, led by one particularly terrifying (and handsome) escaped prisoner who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. / Loads of Bellarke tension, human survival, the occasional zombie (but not much), jealousy, and romance.

*** Bellamy as a grumpy prisoner trying to save his sick sister. And then, there is Clarke. She is special. They are fighting their way through the zombie apocalypse.  ***

The Rest Was History * (G) @ AO3: Tate

25k+

Summary: Historian Bellamy Blake needs to impress his potential bosses at ARK Enterprises. He's got everything they're looking for, except the girlfriend that his best friend Raven Reyes assures him will win them over. But that's okay, because Raven's found just the girl. Only, there's one problem. Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin really, really hate each other.

*** ummm, quite a few tropes in this. One of the details I really, really loved is the name of the car and fLUsTeREd Bellamy.  ***

The Will ‘o the Wisps (G) @ AO3: DracoTerrae

5k+

Summary: With his kingdom falling to darkness, Jake Griffin barely managed to escape to another world, his young daughter, Clarke in tow. Twenty years later, Clarke wanders a little off the designated trails and stumbles into the very world her father left behind. Now desolate and under the shadow of darkness, Clarke slowly gathers a ragtag group with whom she will fight the powers that brought this world to its knees.

*** it’s very mysterious at the moment, only a few chapters in, but I cannot wait to read more. On hiatus, but I have faith ***

This is where you fall, this is when you get up (G) by @queenofchildren (AO3: queenofchildren )

35k+

Summary: In which Bellamy is a grumpy cowboy, Jake knows a good steak when he eats it, and Clarke makes a decision.

*** COWBOY BELLAMY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED? ***

Up In Flames * (M) @ FFnet: lucawindmover

60k+

Summary: AU Post Season 1 finale. They were meant to be used as a new influx of genes for Mount Weather. But Clarke Griffin and her band of survivors would not be going along willingly.

*** The MM made them do it. Sooooo, I wish I could say this story will continue!! Anyway, I just love this one so much, it has to be on this list. ***

Weave Me A Myrtle Crown (E for abuse and sexy times) @ AO3: AJRedfern

75k+

Summary: Clarke's not a woman easily shaken - she has a reputation of being 'logical, level-headed if a little cold-blooded'. And then she gets assigned as the new Paramedic In Charge to Firehouse 82. Amidst the people she's starting to call her friends, is Bellamy Blake: heroic firefighter, exemplary Lieutenant, complete asshole. Normally, this would have been fine - it's not the first time she's had to work with someone she despised. Except dreams keep plaguing her. Dreams that start the day she first met him. Dreams of a different life, a different time, a different world. Dreams of him, of her, of them. Dreams that start to feel like memories. Yeah, her carefully constructed facade isn't going to survive Firehouse 82.

*** Reincarnation (?) AU. I wish I could say this will be updated, but I have doubts. Regardless, the parallel timeline/flashbacks are giving the story an amazing flavour, and the UST is excellent ***

Win a Date with Bellamy Blake (M) by @bittyab18 (AO3: Bittyab18 )

125k+

Summary: Clarke Griffin's best friend enters her in a contest to win a date with Bellamy Blake, famous actor/Hollywood heartthrob/bad boy. Except, Clarke already knows Bellamy, and she's not a fan of him or his movies. Because her life sucks, she wins, and now she's reintroduced to the guy she loved to hate in high school. 

*** So much UST, so much angst and so much cuddling. A true s l o w burn. ***

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I hope you will give it a go and show these writers some love.

***************************************************************************

Coming up next (probably): 

Fake dating/Arranged Marriage/Accidental Pregnancy

[wokainight]

NCT: The Mafia Game (dons part one)

preview: “uh i just moved here and i found--” there’s a strong hand that pulls on your neck and right onto the guy’s face. he stares at you for a long while, as if trying to remember your features. 

note: meet my bias wrecker atm (psst! this is super long)

the neighbourhood that you lived at was notorious for being ridden with crimes and illegal acts in general. but being the broke university student you were, it was a home >>>>> safety

no way in hell were u living in the streets

a warm home is better than none... right?

the rent was cheap and it was only half an hour away from ur uni-- so really, there was no reason to as why u shouldn’t have sealed the deal

the middle aged lady who handed u the keys looked like she wanted to throw herself off the fifth floor-- and never look back

she just grumbles about not forgetting rent and hikes back down the long trail of stairs-- 

ofc theres no elevator 

you take your only suitcase inside to see a barren landscape. there was literally no furniture and you curse your luck that u didn’t look over the contract details more closely

so u sort of set up a futon style accomodation using the blanket u bought and some towels

it was kinda late by the time u unpacked (by that i mean scatter everything on the floor)

there’s a loud noise outside and it was as if someone fell down--

so with the courage of a tin can, u sort of crab walked towards your door and opened it slightly, peeking thro the dim lighting

there’s a body on the floor and u sort of threw the door open and went over to the body-- it’s a guy-- was the first thing u noticed and you kind of skim over the content of the crime scene to deduct that he was alone-

so you kind of flip him over

(and that flipped u off)

because there’s a pure, raw stab wound on his left abdomen and ur kinda (morethan) shook because you’re not a med student or anything but u briefly recalled the first aid class u took during high school

so as best as u can, you dragged the male, almost twice your size, into the comfort of your strictly barren home and rummaged through the content of antiseptic and measly bandages you had to help him stop bleeding

there’s a groan as a response when you peel off the shirt drowning in blood with an apology for invading his privacy (but otherwise he could potentially die??)

and put pressure on the wound and the male trashed in response, his eyes opened slightly, chest heaving and perspiration running down his temple

“w-who?” he barely managed, before you accidentally added more pressure due to shock

“uh i just moved here and i found--” there’s a strong hand that pulls on your neck and right onto the guy’s face

he stares at you for a long while, as if trying to remember your features

you notice his clear eyes, nose, and slowly trail down to his lips. if this guy wasn’t the definition of attractive-- you srsly don’t know what would be

the hand on your neck slowly moves on to the space between your shoulder and your neck

it’s so intimate for a first encounter, and you kind of squeak out as a result

“u-uh, the- the ointment” you stutter out, reaching out for the antiseptic “this will hurt” you gave out the precaution, but there was no reply aside from the extensive gaze

the male clenches down on his teeth as you apply the medicament as gently as possible, and then grabs the biggest bandage you could find before covering the wound with it

you don’t know if it’s right or wrong but at least he’s not bleeding out profusely anymore and you’re about to grab your phone to call emergency services so he could be properly treated at a hospital

“what are you doing?” there’s more a glare to his eyes than before

“im not a professional,” you admitted cleanly. “and i think you need further treatment, so i’m calling the--”

“end the call”

“huh?”

“i said end the call” there’s a chill that goes down your spine and you sort of pressed the button in reflex

the guy lets out a vague exhale when he sees you sort of shiver in your spot

“i don’t feel as if i’m dying anymore” he looks away while saying this “and lend me your phone, i’ll have someone pick me up”

so you kind of handed it to him and he’s having much difficulty trying to lift his arm up because everywhere hurts and god knows how many muscles in the abdomen is triggered

“maybe i can ring it and then pass it to you?” 

and the guy sort of shrugs and gives it back to you while reciting the number. you then proceed to put the phone against his ear

“hey, pick me up. i’m...” he looks at you with a questioning gaze and you sort of tilt your head at this but then whispers the address. “yeah it’s the one beside the meeting point. they broke their end of the deal but i have what we needed so tell taeyong to stop worrying”

and then the two of you kind of stayed still in that awkward position

“name”

you look at him again, brows raised “what?”

“your name. what is it?”

you’re not keen on passing out your identity to random strangers- esp not in this dodgy complex... but maybe he just wants to thank you? so you’re positive and trusting and hands him over your name

he doesn’t reply after that because there’s a knock on your door and you’re reluctant to open it but the guy on the ground nods at you “it’s probably my friend but just ask if he’s jaehyun”

as you inch towards the entrance, you kinda stumble over your words,,,

“is it... uh... j-jaehyun?”

there’s a short break in the knocking and a low, “yes” took place

so you open the door and an equally dashing presence enters your view

the guy-- jaehyun-- nods at you in acknowledgement and walk towards the figure on the floor.

“you look worse than i thought” jaehyun joked, first thing in the morning (well technically it was 12:07... so)

“shut up” 

so jaehyun hauls the guy over his shoulder, and using enough sense to rest him on the side without the wound (but the injured dude still flinched anyway

before jaehyun fully passes you, the guy says something unexpected

“i’m doyoung” 

so the night was craaaazzyyyy but you sort of lived through it and cleaned up the blood stains on the floor and finally got to bed

you try not to think of everything that just happened (it was all too vivid) and try to focus on having a productive day at uni tomorrow with hopefully no distractions

the next morning was normal-- no wounded guys outside your door-- and you wake up extra early, around 6ish, to make your way to uni

at this time, none of the other tenants are awake so its nice and peaceful

and the next few days continued in the same routine

it was exactly a week since that you’re back from your long day of studies and part time job that you find a figure leaning against your door

at first you’re on defence, getting the umbrella inside your bag ready (the lighting was dim omfg)

and then when you near and was about to attempt a hit with the said umbrella the figure notices you and sort of defended himself first

“it’s doyoung”

and you stop and try and rack your mind for the name

it is late

and u were technically half ded

but then

it came

oh

doyoung

d o y o u n g

OOHHHHHHHHHHHH

you lowered your umbrella and sort of tilted your head horizontally to try to examine his wound but ofc there’s a shirt over it and u don’t have xray vision (u wish tho) (sort of) (maybe) 

the corner of doyoung’s lips raise as he looks over you but nods towards your door

“it isn’t polite to keep a guest outside”

and then you purse your lips “are you always this snappy?”

doyoung shrugs but you sigh and opens the door for him

there’s still nothing inside but he’s seen it so you kind of drop your bag once you’re inside and reminds doyoung to lock the door after him

doyoung takes his time to look around for good this time and comments, “there really was nothing”

and you shrug while rummaging through the cabinet for a midnight snack “im broke” was all that was needed to be said

“still” doyoung addressed “you need a bed at least. and maybe a fridge”

“there’s a working bathroom and that’s good enough for me” you shrug again, successfully pulling out a snack you bought a few days ago

“what is that” doyoung stares at the snack in your hand

and ur starting to wonder if he’s a foreigner

“it’s my dinner” you say , not ashamed at all

the dude just gasps at you in shock “theres no nutritional value in it whatsoever” he iterates very slowly, as if you were a five year old

you sigh as you take a seat on the floor, plopping another one piece of the snack into your mouth

“okay so i saved you and this is what i get? ofc i know it’s not good for me but it’d rather eat something than starve okay”

doyoung hesitates to reply and it kinda aggravates you a little because why is he back??? he hadn’t thanked u this whole time and ur kinda slightly maybe very little a bit pissed at that

like ur work is a charity u know but dude u deserved a thank you at the very least

so you popped the question

“why are you here”

“...why do you think i’m here”

you’re literally on your last strand of hair, “we’re not playing twenty questions and it’s late. i need to sleep.”

doyoung cocks a brow at you but gets the message and turns to leave

he opens the door slightly and turns back to look at you,

“i was here to express my gratitude since you literally saved my life. but i guess you don’t need that.”

and he disappears into the night

you literally feel bad as soon as he left but ur kinda stressed juggling uni and working too many job for your own good

so you sleep and try to forget it all

he won’t come back anyways

no point on crying over spilled milk

but o H BO YYYYY

you’re wrong

because the next morning, there’s a knock on your door as you were getting ready for uni once again, eyebags and all

and the moment u opened the door, your eyes just widen

“why are you here” you’re a broken machine w no creative content, pls bear with me

doyoung sort of holds back a smile at this because you look so lost and your bed hair was everywhere-- literally

“i’m resilient” was all he said as he brings up a plastic bag “figured that you probably wouldn’t eat breakfast” he hands it over to you “i’ve got your lunch covered too so eat it on your way to school”

and u froze

“how.... did you know i was a student”

doyoung doesn’t even try to look sorry, “i did a little digging”

oh

well ok

???!?!?!?!!?!?!!??!

since when was it legal to look someone up like that??

“why?” there’s a cockiness to his whole composure “are you going to kick me out again?”

well yes mister ofc

you’re invading my privacy

no matter how drop dead gorgeous you are this is like-- not acceptable

“yeah” you boldly answered, “i am. what of it?”

doyoung looks as if debating something before taking a step closer to you

“uhhh what are you doing”

and he’s literally thisclose to you that you feel his breath hovering over your lips

“im just wondering” he speaks in a lower tone, almost as if the both of you weren’t meant to say a word in this situation

you’re too mesmerised by his orbs to notice anything else but you gotta stay strong for pride’s sake and so you lean back and give him the dirtiest glare you could muster

it isn’t a frequent occasion that you could brace yourself under the presence of such a good looking person

...even though he seems like a shady guy

but still good looking

this doesn’t deter doyoung as he traps you onto the wall, hands on either side “if you know what i do, i don’t think that you would be so mean to me”

“well i don’t want to know more about you”

“oh really”

“very much so”

there’s a chuckle that decorates doyoung’s pretty features before his right hand lightly holds onto your chin and he sweeps down to press a kiss on your lips

[iphoenixrising]

For 600 Followers: The Surgeon, The Captain, and the Soldier

From the Dr!Tim Universe: civilian!Tony, Captain America!Steve, and Winter!Bucky Barnes. Mr_Flamingo said he would read the shit out of this. Welp, there you go.

Dr. Stark is a busy, busy man. Even without the weight of Stark Industries on his back (thank-you Miss Potts), he still runs from one emergency to the next.

This one just happens to be to The Captain America.

Which is so Classified even the top level brass don’t know the guy’s real name. Probably because his files have been sealed longer than most of them have been alive, which is just grand. If there’s anything Dr. Stark likes, it’s a challenge.

When Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D came to him because honestly, he the best surgeon they’re going to get in this half of the hemisphere anyway, Tony tried to throw him out for approximately twelve seconds–

Until the file was tossed over his desk and a picture flops out pretty much in his lap.

And that picture is of a beautiful man.

With a star on his chest.

“I don’t put Cosplayers over people with real problems, Nick.”

“Stark, when I say he’s the real deal, that’s what I motherfucking mean.”

Mmhm. And he graduated from Med School yesterday. “Captain America has been dead for only seventy years, give or take. Looks spry for his age, good for him. I bet he’s Osteo’s wet dream, right?” Because he really does enjoy having witty banter with his rejections.

That’s when Nick Fury leaned over his desk, “you’re the only civilian the Black Widow has ever let work on her, and you think I’m bringing you someone in a costume?”

Some of the incredulous is creeping out of this exchange with the way Fury’s remaining eye is focused. “Seventy years? Nick, that’s–” but when Nick hasn’t moved a muscle, hasn’t blinked, probably hasn’t so much as inhaled.

That’s when the possibility becomes reality.

“Holy shit.” Tony’s eyes blow wide and the run-of-the-mill play date in the lab to make something to help with those pesky arteriovenous malformations is right on the backburner. “You’re kidding me.”

“Would I be here if I was kidding, Stark? He is the real World War II veteran. You save his life and I will give you what we have on a certain reason he survived.”

Dr. Stark stares for approximately thirty seconds, judging. The next instant he’s in his sharp coat and red shades, riding to DC in an Apache helicopter.

(Once upon a time, he would have told the engineers how he could make it better, but since his Dad died, he didn’t have to build for SI anymore. He could build for his passion and not feel one fucking bit bad about it.)

Forty-five minutes and he’s scrubbing in, the situation crucial. Agent gave him the run-down without giving him any real information on how this happened. He got a glance at scans of the cranial fracture and hemorrhaging. Shards of skull had been embedded in the grey matter (which makes no sense how he survived this long except as another shred of proof he’s the real deal. Captain Fucking America… his inner fanboy is screaming behind his calm, cool, surgeon demeanor.)

The team S.H.I.E.L.D gave him for the procedure are obviously all military, and in such need of a good laugh. Dr. Stark is sure they’re under order to watch every twitch of his fingers just in case he’s going to try making Captain America a drooling moron or something while poking around in his brain. So, he has to pull out the old SI CEO song and dance, being an unrepentant witty smart ass and talk fast before any of the sternly gowned agents can threaten him with horrible dismemberment if anything should happen to their delicate snowflake.

He gets the one called Barton to crack a smile while they’re scrubbing up, and it’s all going to be fine.

All is right with the world, except when he comes into the nice, sterile OR–

Where he finds the patient awake.

“Hey there, big guy,” he pats the shoulder of the utterly stunning blonde (who is apparently as old as his great-grandpa and has abs for miles), “we probably shouldn’t be meeting this way, considering you’re apparently the biggest secret in the Modern World, next to Big Foot sightings and the what is that gross ring around the tub really made of debate, but still, it’s nice to make your acquaintance. I’m Dr. Stark, and I’ll be your surgeon for the evening. Let me guess, gurney for one?”

He’s talking but checking machines, supplies, and sliding the special eyewear, taking the opportunity to review the site opened at the scalp to show the skull fracture at the side of Captain America’s head. While he watches, the skin is trying to heal around the clamps and a nurse apparently familiar with the Captain’s rate of healing is constantly re-adjusted to keep the wound open enough for surgery.

(The impact should have killed him. How did it not kill him? “Time is of the essence, Dr. Stark. You need to pull the bone fragments while he can keep his skull from healing over it.” Christ, Agent Tight-Ass, full work-up next time for Project Super Soldier Sandwich.)

“Hm…” slurred from behind the oxygen mask, and if Dr. Stark wasn’t one hundred percent invested on making sure he had everything he would need to fix the oddly not healing bleeder in the Captain’s temporal lobe (with things like Wernicke's aphasia hovering in the background), he would have shuddered. “Got that reference, Doc. S’funny.”

Watching the electroencephalography to monitor the Captain’s brain activity, Tony glances over as S.H.I.E.L.D’s people start filtering in around him and the ones with guns watch him closely through the observation windows.

“Never doubted you for a second, Captain. Guy that punched Hitler should be right above a Yeti in my opinion. Anyhoo,” and Tony, gowned, gloved, and masked, comes around to look at the very, very blue eyes and hold a hand close to the Captain’s blonde eyebrows to check the dilation. “The nice esthetician over there is going to hit you up with something to make you very, very sleepy so I can fix that terrible headache you’re probably having right now.”

And Captain America looks up at him from under those lashes, quirks a small shit-eating grin, “ssorry, Doc Stark. Knockouts...won’t work on me. S’ ‘causea the Serum. Gonna be awake no matter how much they gimmie.”

Blinking with his heart in his throat because he can’t imagine the pain the Captain must be in right about now, Tony gets himself back with, “oh? Then I have your witty repartee to look forward to while I work, don’t I Captain?”

“SSteve, Doc. I’m SSteve.”

“Nice to meet you, Steve. I’m Tony, and I’m going to save your life.”

“Soundss like ya gotta plan, Tony.”

And when the slightly familiar red-headed nurse gives him the thumbs up and it’s time to start, he has to step back around to the site being kept open for him.

“I always have a plan, Steve. Fortunately for you, part of my plan involves great music and nice conversations while we discuss your vitals.”

AC/DC starts in with a little Back in Black. And since he is who he is, him mouth moves on autopilot while he works with a delicate touch, fast and efficient, getting side-tracked from his running monologue with Captain Awake and Alert and Answering to accept vitals and updates from the other staff.

It’s been hours, and he’s on up-to-date knock-knock jokes.

They’ve run the gambit of must-see movies (and no he doesn’t see Agent Tight-Ass writing down the ones Steve asks about in detail because yes, he should see Firefly. Alien cowboys, Captain. Alien cowboys), and spent so much time on just the 60’s.

He’s gotten some stories that are absolutely hilarious (because Steve was so curious about the most oddball shit, ATMs, Fitbits, Twitter…) and is closing the wound in Steve’s scalp before he realizes he’s...done.

“Feels so much better, Tony, thank-you.”

“Hey, glad I was in the neighborhood. You’re quite the conversationalist when I’m poking around in your brain.”

“Could say the same. Thought ya might re-wire me to do something silly. Bark like a dog when someone says bell or something.”

And the staff is cleaning up around them, giving Tony the space to ease down just a notch, and wink, “sorry Captain, something I save for the bedroom, not the operating room.”

The sparkle that lights in Steve’s eyes–

–is really his undoing.

**

Riding the high of saving Captain America’s life got him all the way home and to his bed, still churning over the events of the surgery. Butterfinger and U were happy Daddy made it home in one piece (he’d kept the failed surgical bots, unable to decommission his first attempts at independent AI just because they’d rather play fetch than learn procedures...besides, they’re his creations and with their capacity to learn, they’re still evolving), and absolutely pampered him with coffee while he told them about why he was so late.

Butterfingers booped and patted his knee lightly while U rolled back and forth in excitement. Their favorite part was about the Apache, of course. His children were Philistines (but what would he do without them?).

Waking up at one am to Agent Tight-Ass leaning against the bureau in his bedroom was probably the fright of his life.

(Probably not, but no one needs to know that. Few people knew about his kidnapping in Afghanistan from a Medical Conference five years ago.)

“The Captain won’t let another doctor examine him.” Agent Tight-Ass said without even a hello or the decor is nice. “He’s asking for you.”

Tony completely blames it on sleep deprivation when he almost says my Captain? but shakes himself out of it at the last second.

The implications of Agent being here strikes him in the very next second and he’s throwing the covers off and climbing out of bed fast. A clean pair of purple scrubs and Agent knows he goes commando under his expensive and stylish pj pants. “Post-Op complications?” The litany of problems Steve could be experiencing after such a difficult and delicate surgery flash through Tony’s frontal lobe, a slideshow of problems he should have been able to catch before anyone else.

(They shouldn’t have made me leave him. He needs to be under close observation.)

“No. But, S.H.I.E.L.D needs to verify the Captain is physically fit for duty. He won’t let another physician check him out. We’d like you to come back to DC just to make sure.”

And, well, he’s Tony Stark, so he tries to play it off in front of Agent just to be a pain in the ass to deal with, but even before he’s had a single cup of coffee, Tony is riding in another Apache with his leg bouncing in anticipation.

He’s thrown a Henley on under his scrub top, cuffs up to his elbows and probably looking like a derelict resident, but dammit, at least he has good hair.

The damn corridors are long and Agent Tight-Ass is silently striding beside him while Tony desperately holds a cup of coffee in one hand and the Captain’s chart in the other, taking in every detail and plotting out all the worst case scenarios.  What he absolutely doesn’t expect is to see the gorgeous man in dark jeans, red t-shirt, terrible trucker hat, and a single black-gloved hand standing against the wall like he’s the only thing holding the building up. Tony manages to keep his tongue in his mouth when Agent Tight-Ass stops to introduce them.

“Sergeant Barnes, this is Dr. Stark, the Captain’s neurosurgeon.”

And those eyes are like winter, grey and cool, taking him in from dirty sneakers to the half-curl just above his temple. It’s terribly frightening and arousing at the same moment and Tony is absolutely, completely out of his depth in hot men.

(And in-between relationships, isn’t he? Why are the Gods so damn cruel?)

“Very nice to meet you, Sergeant. I understand you’re an unapologetic smart-ass that can kill pretty much anything a mile away and make the worst borscht known to man. Pleasure is all mine, really. Borscht is already terrible, but making is worse? That has to take substantial talent.”

What he doesn’t expect is the tall, intimidating brunette with the sexiest stubbled jaw to blink down at him, head cocking sideways like an inquisitive cat, “s’at so?  I think the pleasure is all mine, Doll. After all, Stevie ain’t quit talkin’ ya up all night. ‘Preciate ya taking good care a’ him fer me.”

Ah. Barnes. James Buchanan Barnes. Always thought those stories were exaggerated.

Tony absolutely does not, does not (think about them together), lick his bottom lip while staring up into those eyes. “Anything I can do for the red, white, and blue, Sergeant Barnes. Just showing my...patriotism.”

Tony grins wide when he gets the Sergeant to laugh out loud, ruining his intense I will murder you vibe.

“Speaking of the Captain,” Agent Tight-Ass interrupts smoothly.

Both of them give the agent waiting with a patient, pleasantly neutral expression, and when Tony looks back, he can see the tension in James Barnes, and lets himself be his usual kind of confident.

“Honestly, I’m going to take good care of him. If the slightest thing deviates from absolutely normal, you will be the first person to know.”

“Thanks, Doll. Good t’ know he’s in the best hands,” and the gloved one squeezes his bicep, right above his elbow (and he is completely imagining that hand has absolutely no give whatsoever) before he turns to where Agent is holding the door open.

The Captain is awake at this ungodly hour and apparently more chipper when he wasn’t in horrible distress from bleeding all up in his grey matter. It was really nice to see this side and observe his handiwork, amazed the staples had already worked themselves out and there wasn’t even a scar to show surgery had ever taken place.

(Steve’s hair is soft and unfairly naturally fluffy. Tony’s bare fingers are threaded in it while his thumbs press lightly over the surgical site to test the healing and be fucking amazed.)

Sergeant Barnes is there for the examination, back in a corner, with that sensual bad boy thing going on, arms crossed over his chest, eyes sweeping the room every few minutes (like he wouldn’t notice?).

And once he checks the normal vitals and signs, looks for all abnormalities, any hint of a complication, Tony Stark–

–lies through his teeth.

“You need at least a week of rest. No strenuous activity at all. No punching Nazis, jumping out of planes, or potentially dangerous anything. Watch terrible daytime TV, eat your weight in bad food, and take it easy. The possibility for complications, or of re-opening the bleed site is high, even for a Super Soldier. Normal downtime would be months, I’m giving you a week. No arguments Captain.”

He turns to look at the Sergeant over his shoulder and they exchange a nod, but he sees James Barnes rolling his lips down like he’s trying not to smile.

“A week? A whole week?” The Captain honest-to-God whines, looking up at him, sitting up with perfect posture that makes his chest thrust out in such a distracting way.

(Those eyes should really be illegal.)

“Absolutely. I’m saying only a week, okay? That is very, very good news for you. From the scans taken less than an hour ago, you’re healing quickly and well. Still, we’re not going to take anything to chance.”

He grins down, completely confident he’s giving Steve the chance to get out in the world more, maybe get out from under all the Agent-Agents around here.

It’s all too soon he’s being ushered out the room and back to his Penthouse in New York, his heart thundering in his chest. The last twenty-four hours seem like some kind of dream, some kind of forbidden fantasy, something he couldn’t have really done, and being set back at his place with his bots and his lab, his nice office in Stark Medical waiting for him tomorrow, with endless calls from Pepper about the Board really wanting him present for the Quarterly Meeting this time, all of reality lays so heavy on him that he thinks maybe Agent Tight-Ass messed with his memories somehow so he’d never be able to tell anyone why S.H.I.E.L.D really wanted him in the first place.

He goes back to bed for an hour of sleep, thinking about Sergeant Barnes’ hand and Captain Roger’s eyes.

Dodging Pepper’s calls the next day between consults, residents, trips to the robotics, and some time spent in the lab, he’s in his office for a whopping fifteen minutes when his secretary knocks on his door.

“I’m sorry Dr. Stark, but they said they know you and he’s your patient–”

When Captain America and Bucky Barnes appear over her shoulder, looking a devilish mix of sheepish (Steve) and smary as hell (of course, the crackshot), Tony wonders how much effort it would take to clear his schedule completely–

–for the next seven days.

[nctzenforlifeu-xx]

Five Things

tagged by @sips-tea-anon

🎆 5 things you can find in my bag

wallet

lip balm

earphones

lipstick

Pens

🎆 5 things you can find in my room

school books which are untouched, unfortunately

some make up

atm 2 different types of meds

a heart shaped pillow which i sleep with

my laptop

🎆 5 of my favorite things

music

reading

kpop

sleeping

being lazy

🎆 5 things I’m into rn

not sleeping lol

nct

dressing more fashionable

eating breakfast

spring

🎆 5 things on my to-do list

study because my exams are approaching

drink more water

sleep earlier

get myself a skin care routine

catch up on a series

🎆 5 first songs, playlist on shuffle

SHINee - countless

Hwasa - twit

SHINee - love sick

Daniel Ceasar (ft. H.E.R.) - best part

SHINee - tonight

Tagging:

@bigtiddydojae @wildernessuntothemselves @127-mile

[thenighttrain]

Omg thats so great. All best for your upcoming assignments<3. My last semester was probably the most I've been stressed since the very first year . I was all over the place for the last 3-4 months. Plus I was also taking up multiple lab internships and volunteering duties as extra credit before med school. So that extremely tightened my already packed schedule. I still don't know how I managed to submit all my papers on time or at least 30 mins before the deadline. But yeah, just a month and a half more and we'll be done for the time being. I'll still have to do volunteering but thats just a prerequisite for med school. How abt you??

thank you! gosh i feel you, the stress is too real. you sound like you had so much on wow, that's impressive that you managed to balance all of that! and exactly, this is the last stretch and then we'll be done 🤝 all the best with med school, i'm sure you'll do great<3 what kind of volunteering do you do?

well in order to practice law i have to do a practical legal training course so i'm doing that atm, alongside my last 2 uni subjects and tutoring part time, so by the end of this year i'll be done with all of that. i'm terrified of working full-time but at the same time i'm really sick of studying. how long have you been at uni? for me it's been 5 years and i'm ready to move on !!

[dxmedstudent]

Hey dx. Hope you're well. I don't know if you remember this ask, but I'm the anon who asked a few months ago about supporting a friend in med school with depression and finding it a bit much. A lot has happened since then. She's sadly left med school and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Currently she doesn't really have stable periods and is either high or low. I got kind of ok with having boundaries with texting etc/meet-ups only when actually able to. Part 1

Part 2. Anon supporting friend here. Recently she’s been high and has been messaging me nearly all day every day/asking if I’m there if I take time to reply/constantly updating me on what she’s doing/sending me all her family pictures. I’m finding it really stressful and overwhelming, tried turning off my notifications yesterday but still keeps going. My own anxiety is flaring up and I’m stressed hugely with workload.

Part 3. Anon supporting friend. I’ve told her I take time to reply because I’m stressed/overwhelmed and yet the messages keep coming. I know she’s hypomanic/manic so she probably sees things in a different perspective atm and forgets that it’s too much. I’m wondering whether it’s worth asking her to please message a little less as I find it overwhelming to get so many messages each day, or whether it will just not work as she isn’t in her right mind. Part 4. She has got professional help in place. She’s fallen out with her other friends because they don’t message her when she’s low etc/her best friend has distanced herself from her because she doesn’t know what to say. I don’t want to not be friends but I need to work something out! I’m trying to remember she’s ill but I’m starting to feel unwell too. Any advice?! PS. I know this is an extremely long ask and that you’re very busy, so please take your time if you need            

Hey, I’m glad to hear from you again. I’m so sorry for my late reply; I rread your ask at the time, and thought about it a lot. But I had to take some time to process my own life problems and mental health, and I couldn’t really give most of my asks the time or energy they deserved, so I had to leave them until they could. Which is kind of the theme of this ask, ironically. But I hope late is better than never.  Thank you for your message at the end of your ask, it’s very much appreciated :) I’m so sorry that your friend’s going through a rough time, and that you are, too. I’m so sorry to hear that she left med school; bipolar is a truly difficult illness, she has been on a really tough journey.  I’m glad she has professional support; that’s always a huge deal because the right treatment and support can revolutionise people’s lives. I’ve seen it, and though I don’t think the way we treat mental health is perfect, I do think we can do so much good by acknowledging mental illness and treating it properly. And taking people seriously. I’m glad to hear you started to work out some boundaries that worked for you; it’s tough, but it’s good to hear that you made some progress, even if it doesn’t always work out as  well as you hope, it’s still progress. You’re right to put your own wellbeing first; it’s hard for us to support others if we’re being brought to a mental breakdown ourselves. It’s a hard lesson for us to learn, but you can’t serve others with a broken/empty cup. I think it’s a really fair idea to turn off notifications to avoid overloading yourself. She can keep going; thats OK. You can’t control your friend’s mania, or how ‘full on’ they are; perhaps not even they can. Unfortunately, that’s part of the illness. And it seems you understand that well, deep inside. She might process things differently, and I think you’re an excellent friend for doing your best to support them, and understand what they are going through. I’m putting this under a cut because it’s long.

Everyone reacts differently to being told the truth, so only you will know how they might respond. Sometimes we can just tell people ‘sorry, I’m not feeling well so I might not respond much’. Sometimes we invent excused to be kind or because we aren’t ready to talk about the entire story; in my view, in personal* settings, it’s OK to tell white lies not to hurt people sometimes. I’ve told friends I’ve been sick or oncall when I couldn’t attend events because I was physically exhausted or not feeling well, because I really cared about seeing them but didn’t want them to think I was not coming because I was not bothered. However, with close friends I’m honest, and the vast majority of the time, if I say I’m oncall, it’s because I’m actually oncall. I don’t like fibbing, and I don’t like hurting people’s feelings, so it’s a fine line, but I’d rather feel a bit guilty than make others feel bad. It might be OK if you tell her that you sometimes need time to reply because you are overwhelmed; have you ever discussed your own mental health issues with them? Do they get that you get really anxious or overwhelmed? It might depend on how much insight they have into their own state right now, and perhaps it’d be difficult for them to moderate how they act, or how they feel about it.  However, if you find yourself having to take quite a bit of time to yourself, don’t feel shy to just tell them “I’m not ignoring, you, I just wasn’t feeling well and had to take a break, I’m listening now”. Or you could say “I care about all your messages, and I always read them all, but sometimes I can’t reply to them all at once because I’m busy/overwhelmed/tired/unable to process it all”. If they get upset because you haven’t replied, it might help to reassure them that you do care (because this is, deep down, what they fear”, and that you care about their wellbeing, but that other issues in your life have been stressing you out, too. And that you just didn’t want to bother them with your stress, so needed to take some time out. There are ways of discussing it that don’t outright lay the blame on them, or make out that they are the cause of your problems, when it’s not true, and therefore avoids making them feel guilty for things outside of their control. Something can be not the cause of our problems/stress and still be overwhelming, and if you’re able to be honest with them, I think that’s a good way to put it across.  As well as the idea that in order to be truly there for them, and have enough energy and time to be able to support them, sometiems you need to take time out to process the other things in your life. Work, uni, family, love life, etc, whatever it is. Telling someone “I have a lot of thigns in life that are stressing me out, and draining my energy, and sometimes I need to take some time out to process/fix them, and rest before I can chill with you and help you, and be happy with you, because otherwise I’d spend my time with you stressed and miserable and might make you feel worse” makes sense. I can’t say if that would work for your friend, but I feel a lot of people would understand that. In the end, I am sure they care about you, too. But because of their own illness and issues, deep down they are probably terrified of losing you too. They know that their illness can make things harder for them, harder for those around them, and they probably feel really bad about that; we all beat ourselves up over stuff like that. Reminding them that you care, and want to be there, and want to be strong and rested so you don’t bring them down with your own problems is actually a kindness to them. I remember publishing a similar ask/anwer/post by someone else who answered a similar question, because it reminded me of you and your ask. I hope you saw that, it might be tagged under my #mental health and medicine tag. You come across as a supportive, loving friend who is doing their best, please don’t feel guilty if you have to put yourself first. I hope you and your friend take the time you need to heal. * In professional settings, we’re bound by the rules of probity. We don’t lie in medicine. TBH my parents raised us to NEVER LIE, which makes working in medicine easier because I’m a terrible gulty fibber who likes to follow all the rules and who doesn’t even like parking in the wrong place, much less anything exciting.