#bert thinks you're a lovely friend how sweet is that

[microwavepopcorn]

[oh-meretseger]

part 5 - The Party

attack on titan modern college au // Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

notes: mostly sfw, a little fluff (I’m posting the smut part tomorrow, it was SO unbelievably long I had to cut it😭 I’m unable to write shortly about anything smutty I’m sorry shdnxmdh), mentions of alcohol, drug use

word count: 3,6k

"MARCO!"

"WHAT" Sasha screamed as they froze and both her head and Connie's cake covered face snapped in perfect sync.

"Man, you made it!" Jean took the man in his arms with the happiest grin plastered on his face, Sasha, then Connie quickly joining them as they jumped right onto them. "Connie, your face!"

"Sorry, bro" he stepped back as he tried to wipe chunks of cupcake from his face, but the man's jacket was already smudged with cherry cream, just like Jean's shirt.

"It's okay, I wanted to wash it anyway" the stranger laughed, and you smiled at him as your eyes met. Jean's eyes shot to you as well, and he immediately jumped to pull you closer.

"Y/n, this is Marco, our childhood friend" he motioned towards him, and you accepted Marco's handshake, returning his friendly smile. His expression was warm and kind, freckles on his nose wrinkling as he beamed with joy. "Marco, this is our own little house rat, Y/n"

You gave Jean a death stare as he and Connie giggled like schoolgirls, his body jolting away from you as you poked a finger between his ribs.

"Nice, couldn't tell you were a wild animal at all" Marco deadpanned and you grinned.

"I'm not, I'm fully domesticated"

"You're such a jerk, why are you so rude?" you heard Sasha hiss at Jean thinking you wouldn't hear, but as always, they were unable to bicker without getting loud.

"I'm not rude, you just have a stick up your ass" Jean snarled at her. You shook your head, having zero clue why they were acting like brawling puppies all night.

"I'll show you a stick up your ass, JEANBO" Sasha yelled, and Niccolo sprang to stop her from trying to pull Jean's pants down without a second thought. In a second, they were a bundle of tangled legs and arms on the floor, shouting and kicking at each other.

You saw more sophisticated behavior in middle school.

"The fuck was that?" Connie's eyes widened at a loud BANG coming from the living room, and swiftly left the kitchen to investigate its source.

"Holy shit, it feels like I'm gonna have a seizure" you put your hands over your ears at the massive overstimulation, and Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. He quickly picked up two ciders from the counter Jean and Sasha were beating each other next to, then handed one to you and put a hand on your shoulder to turn you towards the door.

"Let's go outside. We'll check back when they're done killing each other"

A pleasant relief spread in your chest as you left the noise and complete chaos. Loud music became muffled as soon as Marco closed the glass door to the patio behind him, and soft laughs and chatter hit your ear of those who were sitting outside.

"Y/n! Let me help you with that"

You smiled at Armin and handed over the cider for him to, like the gentleman he was, open the bottle for you while you settled down on the wood bench next to him. "Thank you, Armin"

"Good to see you, man!" Marco reached over with a happy grin to shake his hand, then leaned over to shake Bert's as well. Annie greeted him with a small wave - they all looked at Marco with such a warm smile, you could feel how loved by everyone he was. "Annie!"

"Marco, s'been a minute! How's everything?" Armin asked while opening Marco's bottle as well, and you took a sip of the strawberry cider, sweet bubbles sizzling on your tongue as your eyes followed Marco's movements. He grazed his palm as a greeting over Mikasa's shoulder who sat next to Armin - she smiled up at him, but kept half an eye on Eren and Reiner, lounging on a pair of chairs a little further away, seemingly having a heated conversation over something sports related. Marco grinned back at Armin while shaking Reiner's hand, then taking Eren's as he mumbled a "hey, bro", immediately getting back to the vital argument they were having.

"Nothing much, working. I had to come and catch up with you guys though, how's uni life?"

"What the hell are they so pressed over?" you asked Mikasa in a low voice as you motioned towards the two athlete bros, trying not to disturb Armin and Marco's coversation.

"Don't even ask" Mikasa shook her head, her gorgeous black strands of hair moving around her face, shining in the faint light coming through the glass door to the patio. "It's just some statistics, or whatever. But Eren's been irritated all day, so even some stupid numbers can get him worked up, I'm afraid"

You looked over to Eren, lighting a blunt as he was listening to Reiner talk. You often saw his face around campus just like this, grumpy and unmoved by anyone and anything happening around him, but Mikasa knew him like the back of her hand. If she said he was unusually irritated, there was no room for doubt.

The grumpiness on his face seemed to quickly dissolve anyway as Marco and Armin's conversation started to spread across the table, getting Annie, Bert and Mikasa, then shortly after Eren and Reiner involved as they told you where they all knew each other from, what childhood or high school memories they shared, and how the strings of their lives still interweaved from time to time - even though everyone went on to different colleges, jobs and paths of life.

To answer their curious questions, you even talked about how you were completely new not only around this town, but to this whole state, attending this college being a fresh new start for you. And about how you were so happy to have met them here.

The small amount of alcohol and all the funny and endearing stories they shared made you forget about any anxiety you previously had about this party. You really felt like you were at home as you looked around to see their glimmering eyes, and faces glowing with joy as they laughed.

Even Eren seemed to forget about their super important battle of numbers with Reiner when they pulled their chair closer to the table to join memory lane.

"You want a hit?" Eren's hand suddenly appeared in front of you, holding the blunt that was obviously on its last legs. You turned your head to meet his low-lidded green eyes, and Reiner's eyes shot to you at your movement. He flashed his million dollar grin at you, and you bashfully smiled back at him. God, he was handsome.

"No, thanks" you smiled at Eren, amused at how much more relaxed he looked than before. To Mikasa's greatest delight, it seemed.

"Where are your glasses?"

"I've decided not to be short-sighted anymore" you shrugged, and Eren shook his head at your reply as a grin formed on his face.

"Yeah, you shouldn't let some object define you anyway" he played into your joke, and you nodded.

"That's what I'm saying"

"Where's your king of sarcasm by the way, Your Royal Highness?" Eren smirked at you, and you instantly felt yourself blush at the unexpected question. You dropped your eyes to look at your fingers as they started to fidget. You both knew who your king was, but at that moment, you would've done anything to avoid admitting it.

"I saw him playing beer pong inside, they're on a winning streak with Connie" Marco appeared next to you with two bottles in hand, cold and fresh from the refrigerator. You felt your cheeks getting even warmer as you looked up at his happy grin, accepting the bottle he held out to you. He knew.

"Thank you, Marco" you muttered, and quickly reached out to grab the bottle opener. You were more than happy to do something with your hands to hide your sudden nervousness.

"He told me about you, you know" Marco went on in a lower voice as he sat back down next to you, so only you could hear him.

Your heart started to pound faster in your chest. Jean told him about you?

"He did?" you replied hesitantly, not sure what to think. "And what- What did he tell you?"

"Well" Marco smiled back. "He told me about a cute little nerd he often annoys for fun"

"Of course he'd say that" you mumbled, fingers rubbing the bridge of your nose as you tried to hide the blush of your cheeks. Cute..? "I don't know about the cute part though, I'm pretty sure you misunderstood 'loser'"

"You think so?" Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. "I'm pretty sure I heard him right. Jean doesn't really gush over any girl, so him saying 'cute' caught my ear"

Your eyes dropped once again to your fidgeting hands, but you couldn't help a smile curving your lips.

"Could be anyone, a lot of cute girls compete to entertain him around campus on the regular"

"Jesus, you two really are the exact same person" Marco laughed, and you looked up at him flustered and confused at what he meant. "Look, through a difficult investigation, I found out he liked this smart, pretty girl with a bad eyesight, who likes reading her crime novels curling up under her nightlight, blushes easily, and whose bitter jokes he finds hilarious, but would never admit to it. I'm quite sure that can't be anyone"

You felt your stomach flip at the thought of Jean not only knowing you, but paying such attention to particular details about you. You couldn't have described the feeling even if you wanted to - but despite the sudden nausea and nervous fluttering of your heart, you couldn't help your smile growing into a grin at Marco's words.

You felt like you were on cloud nine.

"Are you sure Jean said that?"

"Yep" his bottle momentarily covered Marco's smile as he took another sip, examining your happily flushed cheeks under the dim light. "Why is it so hard to believe? I thought you both liked each other"

A few seconds of silence sat between you as you fought the tension straining your chest from inside. The tension that held you back from admitting your feelings up to this point, not only to someone else but even to yourself.

"I- I do. It's not that" you muttered in a small voice. "We've just been bullying each other for so long now, it's-"

You nervously paused as Marco let out a chuckle.

"It's hard to believe he'd look at me like that" you looked into Marco's joyful brown eyes. He truly found you and Jean floundering around entertaining.

"I know Jean. Believe me when I say he's actually smitten with you" he replied, making your fluttering heart almost jump out of your chest. "He's not gonna admit that though. You two like suffering in silence, as I can see"

You let out a quiet chuckle. As you looked at Marco's genuine, caring smile, you felt like this was the right moment to finally be truthful, that you were ready to open up. But before an honest answer could leave your mouth, the glass door to the patio flew open, and Sasha bursted out of the living room with Niccolo by her side.

"Guys, you won't believe what I just found in Connie's kitchen"

"It's nice to finally see you, too, Sasha" Mikasa replied to Sasha's choice of entry while Niccolo shook hands with the guys, already familiar to all of their faces.

Inside the house, the party reached its loudest, most chaotic peak. Loud banging of the music and shouting of the guests filled the basement, the kitchen and the living room. Guests being random faces of people not even Connie knew - the product of having your front door open to anyone without an invitation. But Connie couldn't care less.

Girls surrounded them in the back room, giggling as Connie threw the winner shot, jumping with a victorious yell as he hit the final cup. His audience was cheerful and tipsy, and that was all Connie needed to have an amazing and carefree time.

"I'll look for Marco" Jean waved his hand towards the living room, but Connie stopped him with a palm slapping on his shoulder.

"You can't leave me, we're on a winning streak!"

"You'll be fine, Connie" Jean patted Connie's hand gripping him, smirking over to all the bystander girls watching with gleaming eyes, waiting on their chance to join the team of the king of beer pong himself. "I'll be with Marco if you need me"

"But I need you NOW" Connie squealed, and Jean turned his back to him with a chuckle, shaking his head as he left the room.

Jean pushed himself through the sea of bodies moving and dancing in the living room, careful to dodge the plastic cups full of alcoholic beverages that all the drunken hands flung around in the air. Getting use of his height, his hazel eyes panned the room as he towered over most of the dancers, but beside a few familiar faces, he found none of the ones he was looking for. Not a sign of Armin and the guys, Sasha and Niccolo, Marco, or you...

He faced towards the stairs to the basement, but swiftly changed his direction when he saw a bunch of people occupying the steps. Knowing you and Marco, he was positive he wouldn't find you in an area so loud and crowded.

"Hey, Jean!" a shout exceeding the deafening music hit his ears and his eyes quickly followed its direction, Sasha's waving hand catching his eye. She pushed people standing in her way without a second thought, her eyes wide with excitement.

"Where are you guys?" Jean yelled as they reached each other in the crowd, and Sasha motioned towards the door to the patio.

"Y/n is out there with Marco" she replied, and Jean's heart jumped with a nervous beat as Sasha mentioned your name. "The others want to talk to you too, go!"

Sasha tapped his shoulder, encouraging him to step outside, then she continued her brutal way to the kitchen, elbowing and kicking anyone who was unfortunate enough to be in her way. Jean shook his head as he laughed to himself, then turned his head towards the patio.

With Marco?

What did Sasha mean you were outside with Marco? With Marco, like you two were only in the presence of each other, outside of the whole group?

Jean couldn't help a small little string of jealousy twist in his chest as he thought about you, and the first glimpse he caught of you tonight. How his heart was beating in his throat as you caught his eye, and how a mix of electric sparks and warmth spread in his body as he looked at yours.

The tight dress hugged your body just right, you tried to hide it under the oversized jacket, but the beautiful curve of your waist, your hips still showed underneath as you moved. He felt the blood rush right out of his brain, straight to his groin, as his eyes ran over the soft skin of your thighs showing where your pretty little dress was slit. He just realized tonight - he's never seen your knees, the curve of your calves, those delicate ankles... Jean immediately imagined them on his shoulders, and had to force himself to quickly shake off the thought. He's not a horny high schooler, for fuck's sake... The fluttering of his heart would've diverted his mind anyway as he gazed at your gorgeous face, your silky, soft strands of hair framing it as they fell to your shoulders. Beautiful, big doe eyes looked at Bert and Reiner as you talked to them, light glistening on your sweet lips as you spoke.

Fuck.

This was the second time he felt jealous today. What even got to him? Jean wasn't sure, but he quickly shook off these thoughts as he realized he had no reason to feel this way. He knew Marco, Marco knew about you, and you... Jean was pretty sure he knew where you two standed.

Waking from his momentary daydream, he pushed his way through the crowd of people to reach the glass door, then opened it to step out on the dimly lighted patio. Jean felt a sense of relief as a cool breeze moved the strands of his combed back hair and tickled his face. A similar tingling started to form in his chest as among the others, you caught his eye - sitting at the table, laughing wholeheartedly with that breathtaking smile of yours, as Marco put a blanket over your shoulders to protect you from the chilly night air.

Jean couldn't help clenching his jaw.

"Jean, where've you been? Want one?" Reiner called out to him with a grin as he grabbed a can of beer from the table. Jean caught the can flying towards him in the air, and threw it right back to Reiner with that same momentum.

"Nah, but thanks, Reiner"

As Reiner drew everyone's attention to Jean, all cheerful faces turned to him, eyes beaming with joy at the sight of him. You noticed that, and you heard the happiness in all of their voices as they greeted him, even though they'd already met earlier.

You looked at him. The Jean standing in front if you was so different from the arrogant prick you saw in him a few months ago - in this moment, it made perfect sense why he was so loved by every one of his friends.

"Jean, finally! C'mere" Marco waved for him to come closer, and your eyes nervously dropped to your lap as Jean's eyes panned over to you and Marco.

He looked exceptionally fine in the dark button-up shirt he wore tonight. Rolled up sleeves letting those damn perfect forearms be seen, collar hugging those damn beautiful muscles of his neck that simply screamed to be kissed. The dark trousers and the belt hugging his hips looked so mouth-watering, it made you want to rip them off when you put your arms around his waist earlier. Not even talking about how your stomach kept doing backflips as you looked at his pretty face. Stubble making his jawline look even sharper, his beautiful eyes under frowned eyebrows looking at Marco as Jean talked to him, the straight line of his nose driving your eyes right to his inviting lips, glistening a bit as his tongue ran over them before he bit down on his lower lip... His eyes burning right into yours as you suddenly became aware that you were staring.

He caught you.

"I'll be right back" you jumped to your feet, pushing the blanket off to the bench as you left the table. You had to be alone for a minute. This evening was becoming too intense.

"Where are you going?" Sasha asked worried as she put her arm in front of you, stopping you in the doorway, and you looked at her with a reassuring smile.

"Just to the restroom. Do you know where it is?"

"Sure, it's at the end of the hallway next to the stairs" Sasha's thumb showed the way, pointing back above her shoulder. "But I think you should use the one in the master bedroom upstairs. It's closed for all these randos, but you can go in, Connie wouldn't mind"

After getting the directions from Sasha to find the key, you pushed your way through the brutal crowd in the living room, making your way up the stairs between shouting, drinking strangers, even a drunkenly kissing couple. You fished out the key to the master bedroom from a plant pot, just like Sasha said, then easily unlocked the door, quickly closing it back behind yourself.

You pressed your back to the door with a sigh of relief. Silence, finally.

"What are you acting so grumpy for?" Marco laughed as Jean sank down to the bench beside him, right where you just stood up from.

"M'not grumpy, the hell are you talking about?" Jean frowned at Marco and accepted the empty glass he passed to him.

"You wouldn't be if you heard what we talked about" Marco smiled while grabbing a bottle of whisky, pouring some in the glass he just handed to Jean. That just made Jean's frown deepen even more with confusion.

"Why, what'd you talk about?" he asked as he slowly raised the glass to his lips, a wondering shimmer in his hazel eyes.

"You" Marco's finger poked into Jean's chest, and he just looked at Marco's entertained grin completely confused.

"Me?"

"You, man" Marco nodded. He was absolutely amused at the curious hesitance showing on Jean's face.

"And what... What did she say?"

"Well, Sasha almost blew it, but she did tell me eventually..."

You stood in front of the mirror above the sink, and examined your face while you washed your hands. You felt like you looked different. You felt different. Even though huge parties like this made you feel severly overwhelmed, you still felt an immense joy about how great it felt to be with people you grew to like so much, people you could call your friends.

And Jean...

It felt like a hundred little butterflies woke up in your stomach as you thought of Jean, and you smiled at your reflection. Maybe you were a little tipsy, but the usual embarrassment you felt when you thought of the dirty little memories you shared, was nowhere to be found. A knot of excitement started to form in its place instead.

You wanted to talk to him again. You had to hear him, touch him, feel him.

You burst into the bedroom, hurrying straight to the door, then just when you placed your hand on the doorknob, a sudden voice made you nearly jump out of your own skin.

"Where's the rush, smarty-pants?"

[paleparearchive]

Gentle Friend

Mucha's 1st initial 3★ story (1/2) ( 1 - 2 )

Location: dormitory hallway (morning) ; atelier 2 (morning) | Characters: Mucha, Gauguin, Munch, Jan

Mucha: (Whew, the end is in sight. The last few days have been particularly busy, but things finally seem to be settling down.)

… Oh, I need to hurry up a bit. I will make miss deputy director wait.

(After this, I have a meeting with the deputy director in the study to discuss future management policies, right? My previous job has pushed me back a bit, but I will make it just in time.)

(As soon as the meeting is over, I need to do the research and put together the example documents.)

Gauguin: Mucha…?

—

Mucha: Now that we have come to an agreement on the future, I think I can finally take a break.

(Now I just need to put together some example materials…)

Jan: Hmm, how do I draw this? It's hard…

Munch: You know, Janjan. My friend says "don't think, just feel"!

Mucha: Oh? This voice… It is coming from the atelier? It is kind of lively.

Jan: Munch-nii, where are your friends? I wanna talk to them too!

Munch: My friends? Janjan, what are you talking about? There's only me, Janjan and Guin here!

Gauguin: Ugh… I want to paint in a quiet place…

Mucha: (Is Gauguin with them? … I will take a look for a bit.)

—

Munch: Ah, Janjan, look, look! Guin's painting is amazing!

Jan: Waah, it's true! How did you paint this? Tell me, Gauguin-nii!

Gauguin: N-No, I'm still working on it…

Munch: My friends love your painting, Guin! … Ah, you can't touch the painting. Guin is working very hard on it!

Gauguin: Huh… Nobody's touching the painting…

Jan: Hey hey, Gauguin-nii! How did you make this color? It's beautiful!

Gauguin: Uhm, so…

Munch: I said noo! I don't know if Guin will get mad at us!

Jan: Ah, maybe I should have drawn it like that earlier! I might try to imitate it.

Gauguin: You're not listening to me at all… God… My stomach…

—

Mucha: (Gauguin… He seems to be having quite a nervous breakdown dealing with Munch-san and Jan-san. At this rate, I wonder when he will get a flat tire and start taking his clothes off… I have no choice.)

—

Mucha: Gauguin–

Gauguin: Huh? Mucha? How long have you been here?

Munch: Ah, it's Muchama! Hello!

Jan: Hello, Mucha-nii! Are you working with big sis again today?

Mucha: Yes, we just finished a meeting. I was lured by your lively voices. Were you all painting together?

Jan: Yup! It's fun to paint together♪ Let's paint together, Mucha-nii!

Mucha: Sorry, I have some work left to do. Please give me another opportunity.

Gauguin: …

Jan: I see, I can't help it if you're working…

Ah, it's almost snack time! Bert-nii is going to make some sweets! Munch-nii and Gauguin-nii, let's go together!

Munch: Let's go let's go!~ Your friends want to come with us♪

Gauguin: I’ll draw some more... You two go ahead.

Jan: Got it! See you, Gauguin-nii! Mucha-nii!

Mucha: (... Well then, now I can talk to Gauguin calmly.)

[meatmensch]

"I'm gay."

"Oh?"

"Yep."

"Huh. Cool."

"...That's it?"

"What do you mean, 'That's it?'"

"That's all you have to say? No, 'Gee, dude, I never saw this coming'? No, 'My own brother, a faggot?' No, 'But all those babes you plumbed?'"

"First of all, ew, yuck, gross. Second of all, yeah, none of that. Okay, you're gay. Cool. Glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me."

"...Really?"

"Yeah, man—are you crying?"

"Nah, I'm cutting onion."

"We aren't even in a kitchen."

"Invisible onions."

"Yeah, okay."

"You seriously, I don't know, don't have any questions or anything?"

"I'm here to listen to whatever you want to tell me. It's your business Dean, we're grown ups."

"Okay, well—okay. I, um. It's not like I didn't love Cassie. Or Lisa. Or have some really good times with some really cool chicks along the way. But uh…I think it's all just, a little more—a little more firey, with guys, y'know? And uh. I just. I just don't see myself landing with a lady. There's really just one way all this ends for me, romantically. And if it doesn't—if it doesn't land, like that, I think I'm gonna be old maiding it. If I live that long."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"You could have at least gasped or something, dude."

"Ah!"

"Oh, shut up."

"Look, Dean, really, I hear you. And I support you, and I love you…I gotta ask…Who?"

"Who?"

"Yeah, who's the mystery man? Do I know him?"

"Do you—dude, he's out picking up the Little Cesar's! I really must have dropped you on your noggin more than I remember."

"More than you remember? How much do you—Jesus, nevermind, that's not what's important here. Like, at all. Well, a bit."

"No shit, numb nuts."

"Cas?"

"Who, in the love of sweet Mary mother of God or whatever, else? The guy at the post office?"

"No, look, I mean, Cas is great and all, but—"

"But?"

"He's kind of, just like. Cas, y'know?"

"I just told you that I want him, or I want no one, until I die. No I do not 'know.'"

"I get that, but he's our…he's our friend. Our little buddy. Our third musketeer. The third brother—"

"Dude, Adam, our actual brother, is the third brother."

"Whatever, look, man, I'm just surprised, is all."

"You're the dumbest boy in school!"

"Excuse me for not realizing you were into him, it's not like you do more stuff for him that he does for you. I thought you only felt friendship for the guy, 'cause he acts like, well, a friend to you, and you act like a friend to him."

"Holy shit."

"What?"

"He loves me."

"That's not—I mean, maybe, but that's not what I'm saying."

"He loves me!"

"Dean—"

Dean rushes out the door, runs into Castiel, pizza spills, they are both covered in pizza.

"Whoa!...Uh…heya, Cas. Was just heading out to find ya, actually."

"You will still have to go out. You ruined the food."

"Yeah, yeah, course pal. First, listen, I got somethin' I need to say—"

"Hey, Dean—"

"Shut up, Sammy. Listen, Cas. I um. I love you."

"...Yes, Dean, I love you, too."

"No, I mean I—I love you. Like, Thelma and Louis, Bert and Ernie, y'know. So uh. Yeah. Love you, bud."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Step outside with me."

"Uh, sure—"

Cas drops the box and yanks Dean outside and slams the door shut. Sam is worried. He immediately hears Dean being slammed against the door and him moaning. He is now simply grossed out. Throws a shoe at the door. They relocate.

"My own brother, a faggot…" he murmers to himself. Opens grindr

dean coming out to sam ficlet (mainly dialogue)

[cutef1cs]

Kisses and Cuddles - Bertholdt x Gender-Neutral Reader

Description: In a cold afternoon, you and your boyfriend, Bertholdt, enjoy each other's loving company.

Genre: Fluff, romance, cuddles and comfort.

Warnings: None!

It was a cold and rainy afternoon. The small drops of rain fell to the earth, making puddles of mud. You were standing with a glass of juice in your hands, watching the rain fall through the window. It was possible to observe the small garden of the house, being naturally watered by the rain.

You took a sip of the delicious juice while watching nature through the window. It's so relaxing to look at this scene, with the sound of the rain sounding like a harmonious melody.

You left your glass on the counter and continued to watch the rain through the window.

Suddenly, you feel someone giving you a sweet kiss on the cheek. When you look to the side, you see your boyfriend, Bertholdt, giving you a smile.

- " Hi, my love..." - You said, smiling. Bertholdt is a generous and loving brunette, the two of you live together in the woods, in a cozy cottage.

Bertholdt wrapped his arms around you, giving you a warm hug. The brunette started kissing your cheek again, but this time it wasn't just a kiss. Bertholdt began to give several cute kisses in you, one after the other in the area of ​​your cheek.

Bertholdt gave serene kisses on your face, filling you with love. He continued to peck you over and over as he hugged you. You laughed, blushing at the boy's kisses. The kisses tickled. Bertholdt smiled between kisses, he found the situation funny and cute.

He gave you more kisses, on the cheek, on the chin, near your mouth... Bertholdt filled your face with soft and loving kisses, feeling your skin as he hugged you. Bertholdt gave you one last kiss in cheeks, but longer.

When he looked at you, he saw that your cheeks looked like tomatoes, he smiled, laughing softly.

You turned around, facing him. - " T-that was the best kissing attack I've ever had. " - You laugh.

Bertholdt laughed softly. -" Y/N, you're so cute..." - He smiled passionately, admiring your face. You blushed with the praise.

Bertholdt's blue eyes looked into your eyes, you both looked at each other with passionate looks. You put one of your hands on Bertholdt's head, you slowly ran your hands through his dark locks, making a gesture of affection.

- " Bert, I love you. " - You said.

Bertholdt blushed, smiling. - " I love you too, darling, a lot! "

You caressed his head affectionately. Bertholdt smiled appreciating your affection.

While you were still running your hands through Bertholdt's locks, you'd say - " You said i'm cute, but honestly, you're so cute, Bertholdt... I feel like the luckiest person in the world for dating you." - You blushed. - " You my best friend, my lover. You are kind, cute, generous... Bertholdt, you are everything i dreamed of and more."

Bertholdt's cheeks redden at this, he looked so surprised. Soon, the surprise turned into a passionate smile.

- " R-really, Y/N? " - He asked, smiling. Bertholdt was so surprised by all these cute compliments.

- " Yes! You are a wonderful boyfriend honey, i can't describe with words how much i love you! "

- " No one has ever said these things to me before... "

- " Then i will make sure that you hear these compliments every day, honey, because they come from my heart. " - You smile, blushing.

- " Darling... " - Bertholdt said.

The two of you continue to exchange loving looks. You started to bring your faces closer together, closing your eyes. Your lips touched passionately.

Your lips connected and you took a long, warm and serene kiss. Bertholdt felt the texture of your soft lips... thinking about how much he was in love with you, every time you two kissed, he felt like he was in a wonderful dream.

He still wrapped you in his arms. Love, that's what you two were feeling for each other, so much love. You felt like you were flying or eating something sweet.

He got lost in the senses of her mouth. Bertholdt was so terribly in love with you, your kiss made his heart beat faster, made him feel like he was floating on something soft, the roof of your mouth.

You two kissed warmly, you only stopped when almost lost the breath. When the kiss ended, you were looking at each other's faces, in love, with eyes shining. Though his lips parted, Bertholdt continued to hold you.

- " I love you Y/N, you are the love of my life. " - Bertholdt said, whispering a love note to you. You put your hands on his waist, hugging him.

- " I love you, Bert... " - You start stroking his hair, you ran your hand through the dark strands of Bertholdt's hair, making a gentle caress.

Bertholdt looked at you blushing, with eyes half closed, enjoying the caress you were making in his hair. While you're still running your hand through Bertholdt's delicate hair strands, you look into his face, admiring him.

That boy is so cute... you got lost looking at his delicate face, but believe me, the same thing was happening to him. For Bertholdt you are cute, beautiful, gentle and perfect just the way you are.

Bertholdt found himself admiring your face, because for him you are incredibly beautiful. He was looking into your face, into your bright eyes with a passionate look... Bertholdt was so in love with you.

Laying your head on his shoulder. You stayed like that for a few minutes, hugging each other, just feeling the love and body heat, while listening to the harmonious sound of raindrops outside the cottage.

- " Sweetheart, do you want to be with me on the couch? I'll make popcorn for us. "

- " Yes, honey, i want! "

- " Okay! " - Bertholdt said, kissing your cheek.

After the popcorn was ready - and the room smelled of popcorn and oil - you placed the popcorn and juice glasses on the small table in front of the couch.

After the popcorn was ready - and the room smelled of popcorn and oil - you placed the popcorn and juice glasses on the small table in front of the couch.

You two sat close together and wrapped your backs with a terrycloth sheet.

Bertholdt put his head on your shoulder and you would give him a tender kiss on the head. You two are together on the couch, holding each other and listening to the calm sound of the rain.

END

[marvelbbyx]

Can I Be Him? (Carol Danvers x Fem! Reader)

Summary: You and Carol have been the bestest of friends for years and years, to you it’s simply platonic. Whereas for Carol, she tortures herself constantly pining after you. The situation only gets worse when you get engaged to your boyfriend of three years and Carol has to leave for a mission (that could more or less take her six years to get back from).

The day before Carol has to leave, she admits her feelings for you, giving you two choices: to leave him and go with her or stay with him and get married.

Who will you choose and what will be your outcome?

Author’s Note: Yeah, I’m gonna make this a two parter lol since I wanna be dramatic. But stay tuned for tomorrow’s add on! 😁

Fic inspired by James Arthur’s song Can I Be Him? Which was 1000% the reason I wrote this.

Warnings! ANGST

Part Two Here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen.

You took me back in time to when I was unbroken.

Now you're all I want.

And I knew it from the very first moment,

'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Carol, stop! You’re cheating!” You shriek as her Mortal Kombat character starts to pummel yours into a bloody pulp.

“How is it that you’re the one that taught me this game, yet—I’m kicking your ass.” The blonde says with a cocky smirk. “Guess you just suck.”

“Or my controller’s stuck.” You shot back.

“Yeah, okay,” She rolled her eyes playfully.

You two were at your apartment, it was your day off and you wanted nothing more than to relax at home, Carol just happened to sweeten the deal with a case of beer and some pizza.

The Captain and the Avenger, or as the others like to call you—Bert and Ernie. You and Carol were about as thick as thieves and you were never really seen without each other hardly ANYWHERE around the compound. It all started when Carol had been assigned a partner to accompany her on a mission to The Garden back in 2018. Everyone swore that you two wouldn’t get along, with your ability to plan ahead and Carol’s ability to...not plan ahead it was bound to be a recipe for disaster. But after a few jokes here and there and a battle later on you two became inseparable.

Nothing could shake or disrupt the bond that you two had, all except for one thing...him.

Carol had beaten you three times in the past five minutes, she offered a final round after noticing your frustration only to win again within seconds.

“Well, well, well,” Carol throws her arms behind her head. “What’s my score again, four? And what’s yours, zip?”

The playful challenge in her gaze stirred your competitive edge, the one that hated to lose and absolutely hated being out of control. Especially in the game of your choosing.

You cross your arms over your chest and pouted like a child, “It’s only because you cheated.” You huffed.

“Yeah, keep on telling yourself that, babe. Don’t be mad because you’re a sore loser.” She teased.

“Re-Match then.” You challenged with a grin. “If I win, you’ll do whatever I say. Same thing goes if you win.”

Carol’s brows lift up in intrigue, “Oh yeah? Like what?”

“That’s something we’ll have to figure out on our own time.” You say. You extend your hand out for Carol to shake. “So, do we have a deal, Danvers?”

She takes your hand, shaking it firmly. “We do.”

Her grip on your hand lingers longer than she meant to, yours were baby soft compared to hers, each callus and dry patch were a layout of her life, each held a story and meaning.

You slid your hand out from her grasp when you heard the door open and shut. You turned your head in the direction of the approaching footsteps, a smile forms on your lips when you hear, “Sweetheart? I’m home!”

“Hi, honey!” You call out.

Kevin Davis, your boyfriend of three years. A man as sweet as they came, someone that would move Heaven and Earth for you. He was a doctor helping out at the compound and you just so happened to come back from a mission with some severe battle damage. Long story short, you two fell in love and moved in together.

Carol forces her best smile before her eyes met with your boyfriend’s. “Hey, Kevin.”

“Hey, Car.” He greets with a small smile.

Carol hated that nickname. Much more than she hated him.

Not that he was a bad guy. Kevin was actually a great guy, always able to help out and very friendly. She didn’t hate him for that though, she hated how you would look at him when he told a joke or how your eyes would light up when you talked about him. But what Carol had hated most of all...was that it wasn’t her.

A portion of her heart dies as she sees you stand up to kiss him, you two talked and acted as if she wasn’t there, which made her want to scream and cry until her throat went raw. These feelings began the first time she met you. After the Snap, everyone was expected to mourn and remember the loved ones who vanished. Carol was dealing with losing a loved one as well. Her best friend, her rock, and the only family she had, Maria Rambeau, who had passed away from cancer.

You were there when she went and comforted her immediately after. Your bond strengthened since that day, as well as Carol’s feelings for you.

“I should be heading out,” Carol drew herself to her feet. “I gotta get up early for a meeting.”

“No, Carol you don’t have to leave, we can continue our game.” You tried to convince her.

‘I’d rather chew on barbed wire than to be in the same room with him.’

But instead of saying that, she bites her tongue and simply shakes her head. “It’s okay, Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You gave a soft smile. “Okay.”

“Bye, Kevin.” The words produced the taste of bile to spread on her tongue.

“Bye, Carol.” Kevin says with his unrelenting smile.

Carol manages to make it to the car before she bursts into violent tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me.

Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me.

When the lights come on and I'm on my own,

Will you be there to sing it again?

Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories?

Can I be him?

I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you.

If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you, no, no.

I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips.

It's all that I've been thinking about.

'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six years.

Six years on recon for a planet held hostage by some alien heretics, a distress call was sent and Carol was the only one who had answered. Six years and a million light years away from Earth, and a million light years away from you.

Carol had to leave early the next morning and wouldn’t have the chance to say goodbye to you before she left. So she decided to head over to your apartment for the re-match, once there; she found saying goodbye to be much more difficult than anticipated. Especially when you would greet her with such a smile that was now burned into her memory.

She tried not to think about it at all while you were playing the game, she tried not think of anything while playing.

“How are you beating me again?” You cried in disbelief watching Carol’s character slice yours in three parts.

“I told you I was good, you just didn’t believe me.” She smiles smugly. “Looks like I’m gonna win the bet.”

“You can try,” You challenged as you poked your tongue out at her.

Carol regained her focus back to the video game, having you on the ropes and your character’s life bar hanging on by a thread. It wasn’t until you lifted your left hand to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear that she caught glimpse of the gold engagement ring practically beaming up at her.

That was when she paused the game.

You gave a puzzled look. “What’d you do that for?”

Instead of answering you she stood up quickly, turning her back to you as she tried to fight the tears that threatened to slip down her cheeks. Engaged, how could you be engaged? And why with him?

“Carol?” You called softly.

“You weren’t gonna tell me...about the ring?” She asks, doing her best to hold off on crying.

Your eyes dart down to the gold band on your finger, fiddling with it gently. You yourself were quite shocked about it, the second that Carol left was when Kevin had proposed to you.

“I didn’t know how to say it,” You murmur. “I wanted to tell you first before I told everyone else.”

“So you decided to wear it and hope that I’d notice?” She chuckles.

“I was gonna talk to you after the game, ya know...if you hadn’t paused it.” You say as you awaited some form of a retort from your best friend, only to get no response. “Are you okay?”

Carol remained quiet for a few minutes, allowing the warm streams of water to fall down her cheeks. Burning as they did. Before you had the chance to ask again, Carol’s lips part to speak, the tears evident in her voice, “Why’d you say yes?”

“What?” You blinked up at her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m asking why him?” Her lip trembles.

“And I’m asking what brought this up?” You retort. “Because you’ve never said anything about this before and...and I don’t understand why now?”

She sighs before turning to you, her eyes pink and swollen. “Why now?”

You nod.

“Because I loved you since the beginning but I didn’t know it yet, and I especially didn’t know that it would hurt to love you this much.” Carol tells you, crying harder. “Especially when you talk about him.”

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Your throat constricted as unshed tears stung your eyes. “Waiting until now to say something doesn’t change anything, Carol. You can’t just—“

“I’m leaving for a mission tomorrow,” She says abruptly. “...for six years.”

The words that formed on your tongue evaporated instantly, gazing up at her with quiet intensity. “When we’re you going to tell me?”

“Today.” She replies.

“And that was supposed to soften the blow?”

“I thought—“

“No,” It was your turn to cut her off. “You can’t just drop a bomb on me like this.”

“You’re one to talk, when were you going to tell me that you were engaged?” She shot back, your silence being the response that she needed. “I thought so.”

You fiddled with your ring again, the band was heavy now feeling as if it would constrict your finger. “I loved you too...from the start, and I still do. I waited for you—to step in at any moment. I pushed Kevin away multiple times because you’re the one that I wanted. And...I still want you. Only you, Carol. If you would’ve said something then I wouldn’t be engaged. But now it’s too late.”

“Come with me,” She cried. “Please...”

You shake your head slowly, your tears flowing down your cheeks with haste. “I can’t—“

“Yes, you can. Leave him. Leave him and...and come with me. Please, Y/N.” Carol begged. “You say it’s too late but you still have time. We still have time. Come with me...please.”

“Carol, I—“

And before you were able to finish your answer, the door opened and Kevin walked in, “Hi, baby! I’m home!”

“Hi, honey.” You reply quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued....👀

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @captains-simp

If anyone else would like to be tagged just let me know! ☺️

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 5

[Season 4 here]

Episode 1:

Dean is visibly upset about Cas' death, especially at (6:07), and Zachariah notices. From here on, we have a progressive worse reaction from Dean to each of Castiel's deaths

Dean calls Cas a 'friend', again sounding very upset (8:20)

We also get a parallel between Dean and Sam: "I learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch!" and "I learned that from Ruby." (9:10) ICWAW, this parallel would implicate romantic subtext

Cas comes back, bringing top energy onto Zachariah, and Dean just... checks him out (32:43) [this is a frequent thing by the way, I'm on S10 right now, it is]

Episode 2:

I'm so fuckin sorry but I'm laughing too hard at this: D"God" C"Yes" D"God" C"Yes!" (4:09) guys, don't sex-talk in front of Sam and Bobby

"I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you." (4:54)

Dean gives in to Cas' top energy "Dean, give it to me." (5:53) shit, guys, enough sex-talk

Episode 3:

The 'personal space scene'. Dean, love, if someone is in your personal bubble, and you don't want them there, you don't stand there for 10 seconds while flicking your gaze from their eyes to their lips TWICE (6:04) ICWAW, these scene would be read as full of sexual tension

Dean here compares himself and Cas to Thelma & Louise, from a movie with HELLA lesbian subtext. And the way he looks at Cas for 7 seconds, tongue between his teeth and just... this fucking look (7:37)

You don't look at friends that way. You don't.

"I need your help, because you're the only one who'll help me. Please". (7:58) Cas trusts Dean will help him while no other would, and he is right... also Dean keeps glancing at his lips

The way Dean fixs Cas' tie and collar, so domestic. (10:34) [This will parallel in 10x05 when Dean messes up musical!Castiel's tie for it to be a legit costume.] Also, the whole police station scene is full of Old married couple moments

"There are two things that I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay." And then they were voted best chemestry couple like Bert and Ernie. Just saying. (16:23) "Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch... let's go."... and Cas just follows Dean like nothing, but later on...

... Cas is beyond terrified at the idea of being intimate with a woman (11:24),

tho he followed Dean with no problem. ... Did... did he think Dean was making an offer?

He chugs down a beer in fear, poor baby

And he is so jumpy I'm dying

Dean admits Cas is the only one who has made him laugh for real in years (20:58), also, shoulder hug, and Cas, who was on the verge of tears a moment earlier, is smiling and comfortable now.

"Don't look at me, it was his idea." (26:57) the look Cas gives Dean, they're so fucking #MARRIED

"Today you're my little bitch." "... What he said!" Dean is impressed and amused by Cas' smugness (and top energy) (31:55) Basically "Well, mark me down as scared and horny!"

Dean understands how Cas feels, and wants to help. He says he feels good with him "I've had more fun with you in the past 24h that I've had with Sam in years... and you're not that much fun." (36:06) Dean doesn't want to be alone, didn't want Cas to leave.

Episode 4:

Dean sounds and looks like a teenager on the phone with their crush, teasing Cas while smiling softly (1:22). Also "I'll just... wait here then." (2:15)

Even as a mortal, Cas stuck with Dean through the apocalypse, living in pain, chugging down drugs, but never leaving Dean's side. Being his second during hunts. Having only each other

And this Cas can recognize this Dean is not his own only by glancing at him for a moment (... by looking at his dick?!) (18:37)

Dean is stunned and concerned about apocalypse!Cas and how his life turned out

Apocalypse!Cas sits like Dean. Aww, they've been rubbing off on each other [yeah, I bet] (22:27)

"I like past you!" and that smile. So sweet and nostalgic (25:35)

This whole scene (23:48). They are so #MARRIED

Dean is concerned about Cas doing drugs, being basically depressed and living like shit (28:03)

Cas saves Dean again. "We had an appointment." "...Don't ever change." and the way they stare at each other (38:49) look at those smiles and how longingly Cas looks at Dean

Episode 8:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean is totally BI: (12:04); "Sure" (12:42); "What makes Dr Sexy, SEXY, is that he wears cowboy boots!" (12:57); and Dean loves cowboys, just saying

Is... is Dean thinking about Cas being pretty? And about the fact that a creepy guy just called his angel 'pretty'? (20:26)

First thing Dean requests Gabe does is to bring Cas back, threatening him

Episode 9:

Dean reacting to Damien and Barnes being a couple is... LOL (36:27) and after that (38:40), he is on his own, fiddling with his keys, smiling to himself. And when Sam asks if he is okay, he responds "Yeah, you know? I think I'm good." while still smiling to himself. Is he happy about an queer man portraying him, about seeing himself in a confident, openly queer man in a relationship? What else could it be?

Episode 13:

Dean gets more and more worried when Cas gets/is hurt (9:45)(38:02). Also, he got Cas a honeymoon suite. Wow. How sweet.

Episode 14:

The phone call scene. The stares, the tension... look at this shit (10:00)

Dean, stop checking out Cas. You're working. But seriously, look at him. He likes his roughness. AND AGAIN WITH THE LIPS STARING (11:02)

Dean and Cas, after being touched by a cherub, stand shoulder-to-shoulder close to each other, in front of a bi-coloured window (13:26-13:33) I MEAN- Also, Dean, you're staring at a naked man's dong... just saying (13:33-13:36)... stop that, be a professional

Is this the first wink Dean gives at Cas? (14:37) for real? With a cherub in the room? Wow.

(16:16) "Where did he go?" "I belive you upset him." Look at Cas during this scene. #MARRIED

Cas asks Dean where his Famine-induced-hunger is, why he seems unaffected by it... and Dean stares at Cas, then the burger he is holding, then back at him, like he has everything he could want right there, in his Baby (29:22)

Episode 16:

... I'm sorry, but... did Cas really have to MOAN Dean's name to get his attention? (5:24)

I believe this is the first time we ever hear Dean say the words "I love you" (14:38-28:09), and he is saying them to Sam. The only other time we hear him say it is to his mother in 12x22. And the only other person he was supposed to say those words to was, in fact, Cas in 8x17. Let that sink in.

"You son of a bitch." Dean's been rubbing off on Cas, and this is not the only line he has picked up from Dean (38:29)

Episode 17:

This is such a sweet scene. Cas is showing himself weak once again, and Dean sympathises with him, reassures him, confides in him. How sweet. (30:17) ICWAW, this would be seen as a romantic bonding moment

Episode 18:

Cas legit looks like an angry wife. Look how pissed he is at Dean (6:19) #MARRIED

This is such a #MARRIED scene, with Cas being pissy at Dean "being a coward". Also "Yeah, you know what? Blow me, Cas!" and his look after that, like "Does... does he actually want me to?" (13:22)

and this is not the last 'sexual invitation' Dean makes Cas. In fact, minutes later...

"Cas, not for nothing, but, the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid. *wink*" ... just... that (17:53). ICWAW, people would believe this was flirtatious, SHAMELESS, teasing

Look at that FULL TOP MODE tho

"I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me?" (25:28) Cas is not just angry at Dean for giving up on the plan, but for giving up on life, on them. "So you could surrender to them?" (25:17) not "So you can let them win". It could've been phrased that way, but this is not about the angels winning. It's about Dean giving up on them. Cas is 'cause Dean would be selfishly leaving them

Cas starts taking off his tie and... Dean just stares (31:46). Moments later, we find out Cas totally took his shirt off in front of the boys to make the banishing simbol on his chest, and by the way Dean was STARING when it was only a tie, I bet he either gawked or averted his eyes. Either way, GAY

Cas prefers to die rather than watch Dean fail and die himself (31:55) Also, Sam still thinks of Dean as a hero who can do no wrong, while Cas recognizes his flaws and weaknesses. He knows Dean

Zachariah grabs Dean by the collar and gets in his face. Dean does nothing but flinch a little, mantaining his strong appearance. He only submits and looks overwhelmed when Cas does it (37:50)

Episode 19:

Cas is priority to Dean over Adam. He's more family to him than his actual blood (5:29)

Episode 21:

Cas is basically human, bloody, hurt, powerless and weak. First thing he does? Reach out for Dean (3:16)

Cas is still weak and powerless, and took a bus for miles, just to get back to Dean (12:35)

Episode 22:

Moments before basically going and kill himself, Dean focuses on Cas instead of Bobby, his father figure (24:35)

Cas is on the verge of tears at the thought of Dean dying (25:20)

We know Cas can heal without having to touch the body, but we always see him reach for contact with Dean (35:52) [That's why in S15, it hurts to see Cas not touching Dean while healing him. It feels unnatural]

Dean loves cowboys, and associates Cas to a sheriff. Cas, knowing that, smiles softly at the idea(37:30). Also, Dean obviously doesn't want Cas to leave, and tears up when he does

[Season 6>>]

[bots-and-cons]

This might be a bit dark, you don't have to do it if you're uncomfy, but how do you think Megatron, Starscream, Knockout would react to walk in on their human S/O self harming and crying during a bad depressive episode? And the human explains that they do it because they don't know how else to cope with scary thoughts? Thank you for reading, I hope you're doing well!

I've been clean for a little over a year but I still find writing these therapeutic, I kinda vented some other stuff that has been happening too. I did HCs for Screamer, because I didn’t feel like writing a scenario.

~Knockout~

Knockout had just finished a long surgery and was heading to his habsuite to rest. He was sure you would be sleeping or had headed home by now. The surgery had taken hours more than it should’ve and he knew you weren't feeling too well.

The habsuites were pretty much sound proofed, so you weren't really worried about anyone hearing you and since Knockout had taken so long, you assumed he wasn't coming back any time soon, and on the other hand you didn't even really care.

“No one else cares so why should I?” you muttered angrily, with tears stinging your eyes, rummaging through your bag, looking for your box cutter. You kept it for self defense and it wasn't even that sharp, but it would be sufficient for what you were about to do.

When Knockout came to the habsuite, you were sitting on the floor, your back to him.

You were sobbing: “My-my fault, my fault…” and doing something with your hands.

Knockout walked in front of you so he could see what you were doing. His optics widened in shock as he saw your wrists and hands covered with blood. Some kind of knife still in your hand. You looked like you were in a trance, having no idea he had even entered the room.

“Sweetness, give that to me” he said as calmly as he could, but his voice still wavered.

Knockout reached his servo to grab the sharp object you were holding and as soon as you let go of it, he threw it as far back in the room as he could. The box cutter hit the wall behind him. spreading little drops of blood around. As it fell to the floor with a little “clank” sound, you seemed to come back to your senses. You looked up with tears streaming down your cheeks.

“It’s my-my fault, it’s-it’s all my fault” you cried quietly and hung your head.

Knockout sat down in front of you and lifted you to his chest.

“Just listen to my voice and spark sweetness, it’s going to be okay”

“It’s never-never gonna be okay and it’s my fault” you cried out.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it isn’t your fault”

“But-but she’s dead, because I wished she would be” you sniffled.

“You know it doesn’t work like that” Knockout reminded you softly and rubbed your back.

You were still trembling a lot, but you weren’t crying so heavily anymore. Knockout could feel that the blood had stained his chest plating and even a little bit had seeped into his transformation seams, but right now he didn’t care. He only cared about finding out what was troubling you so deeply.

“Would you like to tell me who has died?” he asked.

“My grandma”

“And why do you think that’s your fault?”

“Because I told my friend that I wished she would die because she was suffering so much”

“And that’s why you think it’s your fault?”

“Ye-yes” you sniffled.

“You feel like that because you want to blame someone, and however stupid it is, you picked yourself”

“You sure? Are you sure this isn’t my fault?”

“Yes sweetness, absolutely sure. Now, you should clean up your wrist so I can bandage them up for you”

You kissed his chest and noticed it tasted even more metallic than usual.

“Oh shit, I got blood on you too” you said as he put you down on the floor.

“Don’t worry about me, you’re the one who is actually hurt” he smiled a little, but it wasn’t his usual mischievous grin and his optics still looked very sad.

You got cleaned up and Knockout got his little first aid kit from the medbay. He disinfected your wrists and put bandages around them.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this again, but I just don’t know how else to cope with all these shitty thoughts”

“I’ll help you figure it out, but could you please promise to at least try and call me if you feel this bad”

“I can try”

“Thank you” he said and kissed your forehead.

You hated causing Knockout pain, but causing it to yourself was the only way you knew how to cope. You really should learn another way.

~Megatron~

Megatron could’ve really used your company at the command center, but he respected that you had something else to do. He was almost bored to death listening Starscream’s ramblings. He walked straight to his habsuite after he was done with his duties.

There he found you, laying on the berth, looking blankly up at the ceiling with an occasional sob escaping your lips.

“What is it my love?” he asked as he sat down on the bert next to you.

“I hurt myself” you stated bluntly, not even looking in his direction. You didn’t want to see the disappointment in his optics.

“Where?”

“My thighs”

“Why would you do this again? We have talked about how you should deal with this” he said, rather angrily.

“Because nothing else fucking helps, not that this really does either, but at least it’s a distraction” you hissed and sat up.

You winced when you moved your legs, which made Megatron rather worried. He wanted to ask you to show him the wounds you had inflicted on yourself, but he knew you hated seeing the aftermath of what you’d done, so he refrained from asking.

“Are you mad at me?” you asked after a while of silence and wiped your eyes on your sleeve.

“Yes”

“Well that was blunt”

“I usually am if you haven’t noticed”

You leaned your upper body against Megatron’s thigh and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry” you sighed.

“I know”

Megatron knew you felt bad about hurting yourself, but he also knew it was the only way you had learned how to distract yourself from all the scrap going on in your head. He just wished you would find a way that did less damage to yourself.

~Starscream~

•He has had a long day and he just came from the medbay, because he got hurt while trying to retrieve some relic

•When he comes into his habsuite, you’re there, which is weird because he thought you went home hours ago

•You’re crying and since he is kinda annoyed already he doesn’t really have much patience to deal with that, but nevertheless, he asks you what’s wrong

•When you just keep crying and show him your wrists that are covered in little cuts and slowly dripping blood, he just grabs you and delivers you to the medbay as quickly as he can

•He paces around the examination table and yells at Knockout for not being faster with helping you

•When the two of you get back to his habsuite, you’re still crying but a bit calmer now, so he asks you what prompted this

•He doesn’t really get coherent answer out of you so he just sits beside you on the berth and rubs your back

[dockaspbrak]

🐙, 💕, 🎀, 4, 15, 17, 23 !! Love you !!

Thank you for sending these, sweetheart.

🐙 - what are the best kind of hugs?

Really tight ones that go on for awhile. Your answer was best, night court santa episode one.

💕 - what fictional duo do you and your partner/best friend act like?

bert and ernie because I'm taller than you and a little stuffy, and you're short and loud and goofy. Also see: Pacific Rim Hermann and Newt.

🎀 - what’s the most nostalgic movie/tv show/book you can think of?

Aw, probably...Mr. Bean's Holiday? I have a lot of tender memories of watching that and thinking it was sweet that such a strange man could just fumble his way into making friends and people liking him, despite being very different. Very charming movie. Completely unlike any other Mr. Bean media.

4. What villain do you believe is most worthy of a redemption arc?

George Warleggan from Poldark, 100%. Is it a goofy show? Yes. I've seen all of it though and I know he's like a caricature of a little villain...but he was bullied in school and he's stuffy but I don't think he's ever had a a friend. And he just.......has gay energy.

15. What is always in your wallet that doesn’t need to be?

Well, need is subjective. I mean....I have a photo of you in my wallet. Which isn't like necessary for making purchases or anything, but is necessary for my mental health. I also have a Payless giftcard from like 2004 that is absolutely Worthless in a traditional sense but I used it to jimmy a door once when I got locked out of a room I was staying in. I was staying in a house that one of my mothers friends let her stay in when I took an impulse trip to san fransisco a couple years back in the midst of a bad depression. And It wasn't connected to the rest of the house at all. One door in and out and it was outside and I got locked out. That card saved me!

17. What class did you write the best notes in? What grade did you get?

Probably my 5 credit biology class I did in my undergrad. It was so much but I took such sexy notes. I got an A+ in that class! I usually got A's, but some of my late accounting major classes were a real slog. I didn't like those, frankly. There's a lot of...dull meaningless stuff there that makes you really feel like...money and society is made of such mundane inhumanities that mean nothing in the course of life if your goal is just to be happy and enjoy nature. Alas.

23.How many couches do you want in your residence?

One big one that's really soft. I like the one I have, but my ideal one is much bigger and wider and plush.