#beni rambles

[benifataliti]

It’s 2 am and I’m aware that this directly contradicts canon, but imagine an AU where Hunter was never taught how to read because Belos didn't want him learning anything he didn't teach him.

I've met some older people who were technically illiterate but had hours of religious texts memorized. If Hunter had that skill - being able to memorize something quickly after someone read it aloud - Belos would only have to "teach" him something one to three times for Hunter to grasp it and recite it.

Honestly, the bigger part of this premise is the others finding out when they get stuck in the Human Realm. Hunter tries to hide it, and he does really well for the most part. They find out while Camila’s teaching them to cook. Or, well, that incident plants the seeds of them finding out.

It starts when Camila instructs Hunter to “please grab the baking soda, honey.”

Hunter looks around. Baking… soda? He recalls the package closest to him being called “baking”-something earlier, but that was two days ago.

“Ah, no, baby. That’s baking powder. The one that says ‘soda’ on it.”

Hunter flushes and looks again. He stares at the counter.

“Hunter?”

He couldn’t breathe.

Camila came closer, grabbed the baking soda, then turned to the boy and said, “See here where it says soda? It’s okay, baby, I know the font was quite small.”

Hunter nodded in a small gesture, but he clearly didn’t have his heart in it.

Camila considered taking him to an eye doctor, but first, she wanted to see just how urgent this was. If the boy couldn’t see at all, he might’ve been hiding a concussion.

After multiple secret ‘tests’ (asking him to read random things discreetly), she ‘realized’ the boy was apparently blind. But that didn’t make sense! He had super reflexes, could watch television, and could sew small stitches just fine.

Then she brought out a kids' book on animals, the one with the most diverse pages, shapes, colours, and creatures she could find. She watched Hunter, who leaned over the pages at the kitchen table. He was pointing out patterns in the fur to Gus, and little differences in the ecosystems he could see in the background.

But Hunter never mentioned a fact written in the book - not until Gus himself pointed it out first.

The boy couldn’t read.

Camila didn’t want to embarrass him, but she took it upon herself to pull him aside for an hour a day to teach him to read.

And uhhhh boom that’s how they bond in this AU. Jazz hands.

[muchos-michis-chikis]

Of all things I was not expecting to get into supernatural in the year of our lord 2023. Probably says something about my mental health but I'm going to ignore it in favor of watching this incredibly bad show.

[fumifooms]

Here to share Hien thoughts today.

One thing that defines her is that she’s very capable. She’s the highest ranking in the squad after Maizuru so her confidence is in part because she does have that senior coworker &/ leader authority to her, confidence which is very much earned.

If I had to dig deeper at her beyond just what we’re shown I’d go with the angle that… She was born into the Nakamoto household and being a ninja servant, she grew up there, she doesn’t know anything else beyond the job, and it’s a job she does well, traines to get there. She’s here to do her work and she’s content with her life being how it is, not that she knows anything else. I don’t think she’d be self-aware about it all? Both because this really is pretty normal for Wa and it’s her normal, and because, while she doesn’t fold her spine or care for things like cosmetics, she does mold her attitude to be both capable and respectable. Her home, the Nakamoto household, is simultaneously a professional setting, it’s a 24/7 thing.

She’s critical of others, including her superiors and she doesn’t shy from it. Everyone shittalks Toshiro’s father regardless, but she also gets reprimanded by Maizuru for seeing Toshiro as vaguely unreliable, again likely influenced by their history as childhood friends, sasses Maizuru when she goes off into an anecdote again, etc. Even as a kid with Toshiro, doubtlessly after starting her ninja training already considering that Toshiro started his at ~5yo, she told him it was unbecoming of him to cry. She’s the one both with the job and the will to keep others in check, like when it comes to Izutsumi not doing her tasks, etc etc.

Her childhood friend relationship with Toshiro only grew more professional with time, to her surprise but seems to be more about the thought of it rather than it affecting her emotionally. With the way her extra comic lays it out, it seems she expected to become Toshiro’s mistress because of history repeating itself, in a "it is what it is" way more than anything, which is in line with the reading that she’s more go-with-the-flow and "anything that I’m tasked with I’ll accomplish, as a matter of course". She’s not really social, and keeps herself ready to act at beck and call. She’s not uptight but she’s hard-working. So yeah like, taking pride in your skills but also keeping your identity mostly molded for efficiency. She doesn’t really think about it all, she just is and she’s fine with things as they are, going from one task to the next.

I think it’d be neat to look at her relationship with her parents… They’re both servants at the Nakamotos’, so while maybe busy like Maizuru was at times while raising Toshiro but still taking the time to cook for him (which, parents that prioritize work over her would make sense with how she became how she is), I wonder what their relationship was like, how much time they spent together, how Hien feels like towards them… I assume they’re a part in molding what her definition of normal is, after all if they are longstanding servants of the Nakamotos she has that much less reason to question such a life. But like… Have they ever had hard-hitting discussions, or is she pretty distant even with them? Did they push her into working harder, or were more hands-off? Does Hien maybe want to earn recognition by being capable? Hien has a younger sister that she gets along "so-so" with…

Hien’s younger sister seems to smile more, be more social and a bit nonchalant, such and such. Could be a point of tension that points to the "so-so", that they’re dissimilar/Hien thinks she doesn’t behave right or takes things too lightly, that she’s "unreliable" maybe. Or it could also point to some difference in how they grew up… Like oh I bet there could be tasty angst with mertocracy and siblings favoritism with her family thrown in there… Having to earn the love, earn your keep, earn your spot in the hierarchy (in work and family both)

To me she shines best as a foil, like to Beni, but like. She’s got neat stuff going on If you’re wondering where I took half of what I referenced from I recommend looking at my masterpost on the Nakamoto party, info and extras are compiled

[laugtherhyena]

Finally getting this out! Ily doomed women that make me sad-

-Yukari is half Chinese from her dad’s side, she was born in China but moved to Japan with her mother when she was around 12-14 years old after the father's passing. Since the mom never learned the language fully and needed the husband to be her translator a lot of the time, she felt more comfortable returning to her birth country than dragging her daughter all over the place to be her translator.

-Mr.Jiang died from a tuberculosis after spending a long time refusing to get his “Persistent cold” checked, despite his family's pleas, because he felt it was his obligation to keep working hard and providing for the family, by the time he actually went to a hospital there wasn’t much anyone could so because his lungs were severely compromised. His fate is what plushed Yukari towards pursuing a career in the medical field later in life.

-She taught the basics of Mandarin to Hikaru, and also Hamato and Kanata when they were growing up. If she had survived the tragedy, she would have taught it to Benitsuru as well.

-She's a big fan of musicals, be it movies or plays. She says “Super trouper” from Mamma Mia is her and Hikaru's song.

-Going off the previous point, Yukari has a very nice singing voice, tho she's far too anxious/shy to actually sing it for people other than her family. (and even those get her nervous when they catch her doing so)

-She loves cats and thinks the black ones are the cutest, but she's never had any due to being very much allergic to animals.

-Yukari has (undiagnosed) Generalized anxiety disorder. She's generally a very anxious person who can be really hard on herself at times, sometimes paranoia just gets the best out of her and she worries she's failing as a nurse, a wife, or a mother. But whenever that happens her family is always there to reassure her these are all baseless thoughts.

-She works as a nurse in the same hospital as Hikaru, which is how they first met! At the start of her career Yukari was incredibly worried about her performance in the job, so she would take it upon herself to be as objective and professional as possible, almost robot-like as some coworkers would comment amongst each other. So for a while all her and Hikaru talked about in their, very short, conversation was 100% work oriented.

-Keeping up this mask takes a toll on the person though, so when things got too bad she would go to the hospital break room and get into these long paranoid ranting to and about herself. One time Hikaru walked into her in one of these borderline panic attacks and stepped in to try helping her calm down, once Yukari did so she started crying and apologizing for bothering him/taking his time and being a failure of a nurse, which took Hikaru by surprise since she always presented herself as so proficient and knowledgeable that he had no idea she thought of herself that way.

-He went on to reassure her she's not a failure at all and is actually a very competent and capable worker, he also offered to listen to her whenever she needs someone to talk to. From that point onwards they started talking during break periods at work and Yukari started to get more confident in her abilities and work in a more natural manner.

-Overtime friendship turned to love so cue to Hikaru trying, and failing, to ask her out given his lack of experience when it comes to dating and romance. Yukari could tell what he was trying to do, but he would rather wait for him to be able to actually ask her out then go ahead and do it herself. She found his attempt very cute! (And totally brings them up to friends every so often.)

-They dated for a couple years before Yukari got pregnant, this was around the time they were starting to discuss getting married but the topic of kids wasn't anywhere near the horizon by then so she was extremely worried that Hikaru could react badly and abandon her.

-He would never do that, obviously, and when she finally worked up the courage to tell him the news he comforted and reassured her he would be by her side no matter what and they would go through this together.

-Yukari already suffered some prejudice due to her origins and being an immigrant so he didn't want to add “Having a child before marriage” on her shoulders too so they sped up the wedding process so that they would be married by the time Hamato was born.

-While Yukari was super worried about how well she'd do as a mother, especially since she was still in her 20s when she had her first child, she soon realized she actually really likes taking care of kids! So you bet she was as loving and attentive as a mother could be (albeit, a little overprotective at times)

-This is why she was completely on board with adopting Kanata when Hikaru brought up the idea. She was the nurse that saw to her operation and stayed taking care of her afterwards so she was more than happy to be able to call her a daughter, so much so that they took several months off work so she could watch over her and help with adapting to everything after the accident.

-Her liking for taking care of children is also the reason there's such a huge age gap between Benitsuru and her older siblings. Around the time Hamato left for college and Kanata got her HPA acceptance letter Yukari was faced with the realization that hurt kids were basically all grown up and soon enough it would be just her and Hikaru again, so the idea of having another child started circling her mind.

-While Hikaru was a little on the fence at first, he changed his mind fairly quickly since they had raised two children already so why not a third one? They just had to go through a couple fertility doctors given the fact that Yukari was getting into her mid 40s at the time, but at the end of the day she was able to carry out the pregnancy without any major issues.

-Benitsuru was born maybe a year or so before the tragedy, so she and Yukari never got to spend much time together nor did she get to watch her child grow up like she wanted to because she died around the start of the tragedy.

-When the tragedy broke out she was at home with Beni, with a bunch of riots and people killing each other just outside she couldn't just try to make a run for it to a safer place and instead went on to barricade the doors and windows to try and make the house as secured as possible until some help could arrive.

-Yukari's death really was a “Everyone is at the wrong place at the wrong time” situation. Hikaru was stuck in the hospital he worked in because the place was crowded with injured people and a the doors were soon barricaded for weeks to stop despairs and Monokumas from entering and causing further harm, Hamato's college entered a lockdown when the tragedy started to quickly spread everywhere and Yukari couldn't leave with Beni because of the chaos outside. So no one was able to get to them in time to save her, but at least she was able to save her baby by hiding her in a laundry basket.

-By the time the robots starte banging hard on the doors and windows, Yukari already knew deep down she wasn't making it out of there, but until the moment they actually broke in she tried to hold onto the hope that someone, Her husband, her kids, even stranges, would arrive just in time so that she wouldn't need to feel metal claws ripping through her skin.

-That didn't happen, but at least she found solace in the fact that she was able to keep the Monokuma's attention all to herself in that main area of the house. That combined with her remaining as quiet as possble during the whole thing ensured that they didn't search anywhere else in the house once she was dead, they didn't realize she wasn't alone.

-Being maybe an year old when that happened, Beni doesn't really remember anything about het mom. She knows about her from her family, what she worked on, how she looked like. But can you really call that remembering someone?

[crybaby-tami]

help me.

this is literally the only line art i've done and I'm kicking my feet like a little school girl

LIKE WHY IS HE SO 'REQOIGJAF'QEGRUM8

what's worse is this is the ref:

LIKE HELP ME. HELP ME

(Match, if you see this, this is my break from blog break stuff... I promise it will get done!)

[modeus-the-misanthrope]

Okay, apparently I am just in a *Mood* about this. So here are some BG3 lady benis headcanons below the cut.

Karlach: Thicker than average for her length, with a Jacob's ladder peircing going up the front. Loves helicoptering her thang, but the noise that makes causes most people at camp to fuss at her over it. Actually thinks her thang is average sized. It is not. It isn't massive, but the seeing it for the first time does make your eyebrows go up. Shaved her bush into a design she thinks looks cool once. Found it way too annoying to do frequently. Is often very bushy.

Shadowheart: Card carrying member of the Teeny Weeny Peeny club. Like, not even point and laughed at in the locker room level small, but had everyone else morbidly curious to get a better glance at it, level of small. Her balls are average sized, and her whole sack sticks out further than her thang when it's soft. Somehow makes her angry pouting both cuter and funnier when you can see her face and thang at the same time. Shaves herself, but finds it annoying.

Minathra: Uncircumcised but ALWAYS kept pristinely clean and gently perfumed. She rubs some lilacs on herself in the bath to keep it smelling good. Shaved smooth as well. All of this is for herself, she just genuinely enjoys feeling/smelling clean. Has a white ink tatoo on her shaft, would refuse to clarify if it has any meaning or is just something she did in her youth for fun.

[gen4grl]

so everyone knows cogita is the writer of the old verses right? implying that she’s immortal to an extent? she knew the ancient hero (mostly likely the alder figure in the clan tents) … she saw the diamond and plan clans arrive in hisui… claims that she couldn’t rest until her “mission” was complete, something volo himself also claimed… meaning he himself may also be immortal until his goal of meeting arceus is finally achieved… we all know this right?

[camirazone]

Shoutouts to probably one of the worst offenders of the "Girl Toys Don't Sell" mentality:

This is Beni from Tenkai Knights, a glorified henshin hero commercial. She is the only female knight (Venetta) and conveniently:

Is the only one without a titan mode, and when it seems like she is about to get one, she ends up having to be saved by the other male characters.

The only one not tied to an element/no elemental form (The other 5 characters have fire, ice, nature, lightning, and wind). The most we know is that she can shoot webs and dark energy, so I guess that's her element.

Is able to robofuse like the other knights -- but the only times she's shown doing it is with some villain lackeys.

Is artificial shipbait for Guren because they don't really have "chemistry" until near the end of the series.

Also is the only one lacking a last name for some reason

Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about a pretty average kids' show from 2014 but man the way they treated her was kinda rough, especially since she's one of the best characters in the show (the scenes of her and Kiiro are cute.)

..and for the record gen and beni have way better chemistry-

[asheoninactive]

whoops

[kingdom-falls]

One day I *will* write my PLA fic which will include a truly egregious amount of insight into the shopkeepers and NPCs of Hisui and you will See The Vision

[laugtherhyena]

Staring at you like this after this punch in the gut

Until Death Do Us Part

is anything truly safe from me and my angst?

Yukari bit back a soft laugh as she stared into Hikaru's eyes. They were wide with embarrassment, love, and shock-- as if he couldn't comprehend that they were married now. Even through her silken gloves, she could feel his heart beating from the palm of his hand; Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump.

She was sure her heart was doing the same, as she could hear it drumming the exact same pattern in her own ears. How funny, they were so in-love that even their hearts matched up. With an affectionate sigh, Yukari leaned in to rest her head on his chest and allowed herself to close her eyes. She could hear and feel his heartbeat much better this way.

Hikaru's free hand, the one not clasped with her own, was on her side, guiding her movements in a practiced dance that she had forgotten in her state of bliss. Their feet moved together in a steady rhythm, allowing them to move around the floor in a circle. As they did so, she found herself nearly forgetting to breathe-- God, she was married! She, who had deemed herself unlovable and a failure for years, was married to an angel among men.

Despite all of her flaws, he loved her. He loved her enough to marry her, even when they both felt unprepared.

Their dance came to a pause, much to her surprise. Around them, others continued to move, with no eyes staring at them in their vulnerable moment. Hikaru removed his hand from her side, and soon freed the other from her grip, in favor of lifting her head away from his chest and into his hands.

"Yukari," He whispered as he stared at her with sparkling eyes, "I promise, in honor of each star in the neverending sky and each fish in the sea, I will stay by your side through everything. Through every hardship and every surprise, through every emotion and every fight. I love you, Yukari Ando-- I meant it when I said in sickness and in healtrh, I meant it when i said 'til death do us part."

Tears rose to her eyes as he began to speak, and only threatened to spill as he kept talking. The moment his mouth hung only slightly open, she dove in-- kissing him lightly with her arms wrapped around him, an action in which forced him to let go of her face.

"I love you!," Yukari said as she pulled away, fighting back the tears of joy, "I love you, so much. More than I can even say...!"

A smile tugged Hikaru's lips in such a way that made her heart skip a beat-- or five. One hand of his rose back up, this time pressed against the back of her head, and he pressed his forehead against hers with closed eyes. "I'm glad."

---

Oh, god. Dying hurt. She could feel the blood spilling out of her-- she didn't know how she was still holding on. Part of her could only wish the monokumas would return to put her out of her misery-- but Beni. Beni would be hurt if that happened.

The door creaked open, but it did not have a puhuhuhu! following it. Instead, she heard footsteps rushing towards her.

"Mom!" Oh. Oh, she knew that voice. her baby, her eldest, the one she was oh-so proud of. Hamato.

She could only whimper as he came into vision, dizzy from all the blood loss. He began trying to stop the bleeding messily, as he had seen his parents do for much smaller wounds many times before. It wasn't doing anything to help.

More footsteps soon followed. A despair...? Panicked, with only the love she held for her family fuelling her, she opened her mouth to tell Hamato to grab his sister and leave. Instead, she heard things being dropped to the floor and felt herself being gathered in arms she knew well.

"Yukari...!," her husband gasped as he pulled her close. "Yukari, what... I..."

She didn't know when she had last heard Hikaru sound so shaky. It hurt to hear. She was hurting him. She didn't like that-- She never wanted to hurt him. She tried to force the words out, tried to assure him that she'd be okay... but she was never one for lying so blatantly, was she?

"I'll-- It'll be okay. Hamato...! In my car, I have medical supplies. If I can just..." Tears blurred Hikaru's glasses as she weakly reached up to touch his face, smearing her own blood on his cheek by doing so. He knew as well as Yukari did that it was too late for her, and she was sure their son knew the same.

"B...Beni..." She gasped from pain as she forced herself to speak, "in... laundry.... room..."

From the corner of her now-fuzzy vision, she could see Hamato leaving the room. He was a good brother.

"Fff...ffind Kan...ata..." She continued as she stared into Hikaru's light brown eyes, "...please..."

Hikaru lifted one hand to brush the hair out of face, his touch trembling more than she had known it ever could. Still, she tried to lean into it. "I'll find her...! But, please, Yukari...! Stop talking, please, please...! We can get you help, we-- we--"

She pursed her lips and let her hand fall from his face, back onto her gashed stomach. As she did so, her head tilted to the side and rested against his forearm.

"Love... you... forever..." Yukari whispered as her heartbeat slowed in her chest. "...Hikaru..."

The last thing she heard after letting her eyes flutter close was a choked sob of agony, and the last thing she felt was his head pressed against her chest and his eyes dampening her clothes with tears.

[benifataliti]

Being late to a fandom can be kind of awkward, because all I can think of right now is Hunter’s first pair of “impractical” shoes post-finale.

I like to think that he’d buy a pair of Mary Janes - not the plain black ones that kids wore as part of their school uniform, but bulky, heeled, platform, maroon Mary Janes with little flower detailing on the chunky buckle.

He pairs them with a long jean skirt and a soft top. He twirls in the mirror of his bedroom before picking up his satchel and walking out of the house.

The shoes aren’t great. They’re heavy and tight, so he’ll need to wear them a few times before being able to walk longer distances without getting blisters. They wouldn’t be good for running, or climbing, or if he needed to make a quick escape. They make a sound when he walks on pavement, no matter how hard he tries to stay quiet. But he doesn’t need to be quiet right now, so it’s okay.

And, most importantly, they’re pretty.

He bought the pair with his own money. Money he worked for. Money he earned. This is important to him, because they’re his and his alone.

As he walks the winding path to meet up with his friends for a hangout, he looks down at his feet. Not because he doesn’t want to look anyone in the eyes, but because he can’t take his eyes off the pretty shoes he has on.

[laugtherhyena]

Oh right uhh, Kokoro lives in -2+2 (And Emma, and also Hibiki)

[crybaby-tami]

I've always liked TomTord because it was the first ship i had run across. And I'll always have a soft spot for it! But recently. EddTord. Just EddTord.

Like. what have you done to me! /nm /j How did you infect my brain to this extent i'waugnf'wu[g

[macaronnya]

Pretty much summarised all of my thoughts! To add a bit more about each characters' different experience with survivor's guilt, I also found it interesting how the "childhood crush" trope is woven into that (I think). Or rather what impact it had storywise. Spoilers! Be warned!

So everyone from the real friend group has fallen for Beniyuri since childhood (rizz queen). Some were more obvious than others ofc *cough* Kagiha & Yamato* cough* but they were just little kids and it's just meant to make her more special and all, right? W R O N G Usually, there's only 1 or 2 MLs with a childhood crush so to have 4 of them and the heroine as well, it's quite different. All of them still "love" after 10 years but their feelings have gotten new meanings and influenced them differently.

Generally, she was someone who guided everyone together as a group and served as a gateway to their new "home". Her kindness and strength moved them and thus they fell in love (messiest friend group dynamic irl). But those feelings would soon also become a burden.

For Kagiha & Monshiro, she and their own promises to her was the one thing that kept them sane and gave them the desire to hold onto the slim chance of going back to the real world. While Kagiha partook in using newcomers to fullfill his goal, sacrificing them and his own morals, Monshiro used his promise to stay true to himself, even if all that is left is his body and the memory of it. Both struggled in that world, Kagiha and his guilt to use others and having to work with Hikage & Manshiro almost passing due to memory loss, but they preserved bc of their strong desire to keep their promises. The parallels of their development in their routes (for Kagiha I'm using the common route obv) are even clearer as I am writing now. For Kagiha, who was willing to use everything to come back alive, he learned to accept his fate and let go for her sake. Monshiro, who already gave up to come back, learned to keep reaching for his life bc Beni (and everyone else) hasn't given up yet. Like, literally. She kept fighting the current or whatever underwater to go back and grab his hands, never stopping and screaming for him, successfully :) And Kagiha's last action being caressing her cheeks and wishing her happines before departing.....I'm crying again in my heart :,(

Looking at the other two now, their crushes and jealousy were (one of) the trigger(s) for the accidents. Yamato's inferiority born from a crush is one big factor for the development of the accident (admittedly Kaz did provoke him a bit). If he didn't want to incite a fight between Ai and Kazuya by losening the ribbon, maybe they all could have crossed the path. Whether they'd have made it safely to the camp is another issue but fact is he feels responsible for everything bc of his unregulated feelings. That crush indirectly led to his biggest sin and took 2 lives away, not to mention he quit his passion as his own punishment, basically ruining his life. Karasuba's crush and pushiness on the other hand developed to an escape from the past, his helpless self and he accident. If they were together, she'd move on from the promise to Kagiha and they all can pretend everything doesn't matter anymore. But it is that fear of being the same (himself and the atmosphere), that blinds him to not only her but also his own unresolved grieving. He complains about Beni for only seeing his past self but doesn't realise he created an idealised version of her, who can overcome anything without any help. That crush wich was supposed to help him become stronger, only turned him into another bully and the difference between reality and imagination led him to force them into their second accident. Although, I admit there were hints some force guided them back to the lake but I still think my point stands.

And last but not least, the heroine herself. The promise of marriage with Kagiha, her childhood crush, is something that was supposed to be the beginning of a heartwarming love story. Instead, it served as a shackle to remind her of her responsibilty of the accident similar to how Yamato visits Monshiro and quit soccer as his punishment. She did love him but I think her crush marinated over the years to something bigger. Like a constant reminder of the loss she experienced and thus kept her from bonding with others. It's also an excuse to dodge Karasuba's courting bc she doesn't want to forget 1. her first love and closest friend Kagiha, 2. her sin. Moving on isn't something she feels is allowed or right.

All in all, pretty cool what they did there. In my heart they all became a polycule in the what-if ending. Karasuba is not a creep anymore, Kagiha became the best househusband ever, Yamato went pro in soccer, Monshiro became an artist vtuber and Beniyuri is living her best life without any guilt or mysoginy in her life!!! Yayyyyy

Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly Review!!

This is my first ever official, extensive otome review!! I hope y'all enjoy, I went through so many ups and downs with this game. I hope this review inspires more people to get the game, or maybe even helps people realize it might not be for them! I also attempted to keep it as spoiler-free as possible, but there are parts that might dive into spoiler territory. I made sure to mention it, if so! Enjoy~ . . . .

Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly is a visual novel developed by Otomate and published by Idea Factory in 2015, available on the PS Vita and Steam. It’s an extremely dark, gothic story with very heavy themes and romance akin to Shakespearian tragedy. When I first picked up this game, I had been previously warned about the angst it contained but nothing prepared me for what I was about to experience. This game contains themes of death, guilt, regret, grief, trauma, isolation, and more. The last time I cried so much consuming a piece of media was when I watched Les Misérables for the first time when I was 15, so that says a lot. POTBB has an iffy system, but this is easily overshadowed by the incredible storyline, jaw dropping art, compelling cast, and beautiful soundtrack.  

Before we get into plot points and character routes, I’d like to talk about POTBB’s system. It’s a typical visual novel at first glance, which means mostly just clicking in order to read the text and watching the events unfold. The features that set it apart however were quite interesting- and frankly quite frustrating as well. This includes its combat system and its flowchart.

POTBB has a combat system that pops up a couple times throughout the story while you’re fighting monsters. The instructions for the combat system were very vague and confusing, especially since I played on PC where the button configurations aren’t clarified in the “Options” menu, so it was a lot of trial and error. It instructs you to shoot your gun, but not how (on PC). I had to figure out on my own that I had to use the left and right click of my mouse to shoot/lock onto targets, so the first couple of plays I was very confused and frustrated. The object of the game is to shoot as many butterflies as possible in the allotted time while also getting a good score, which is achieved by getting combos. Playing the game earns you points. Another problem is that it’s quite glitchy and hard to lock onto the butterflies properly to shoot them, but with practice you can improve (with the sacrifice of a couple of hand cramps). 

The other unique thing about POTBB’s system is its flowchart, which is useful because it allows you to jump to any point in the story you’ve already unlocked, but it can be very frustrating sometimes. You’re required to use the flowchart in order to access the “Side Stories,” aka extra content you slowly unlock as you play. To access the flowchart, you have to go to the menu. The game doesn’t notify you when you’ve unlocked a Side Story, so you just have to remember to check the flowchart every once in a while to see if any have unlocked. And even if a Side Story is “unlocked”, you still have to spend your points you earned in the minigame to actually view the content. Certain character routes, endings, and choices can’t be unlocked unless you’ve viewed these Side Stories. I actually got stuck a few times during my playthrough because I didn’t realize some of the Side Stories were unlocked, and you need to read them to progress. I found that the process of scrolling through the flowchart in the middle of the story often took away from the immersion, but it wasn’t awful. 

On a positive note, I have to talk about POTBB’s art, which was created by Satoru Yuiga. Yuiga has an expressive, sort of water-color art style that adds to the spiritual and mystic elements of the game. I actually didn’t like the style at first; I thought some of the character sprites looked strange, but I quickly got used to it and was soon blown away. The CGs were gorgeous and added so much life to the characters. The facial expressions were so vivid, they displayed perfect depictions of terror, shock, love… I felt every emotion through the art. I’m looking forward to playing more of Yuiga’s games just because of her art. (Images below are promotional CGs)

Now, let's talk plot! (I summarize the Common Route in this section, so feel free to skip if you consider that spoilers!) The story and characters are the best thing about this game, in my opinion. You play as a girl named Beniyuri who has just woken up in a strange mansion with no memory of her past or even herself. You see the world through Beni’s eyes as she traverses the mansion and tries to figure out what’s going on and why she’s there. The mansion is dark, gothic, and scary. Its halls seem endless, every window and door is locked, and mysterious butterflies can be seen practically everywhere. And just when things seem their darkest, Beni hears the loud roar of a beast. Two large lion-like creatures appear and attempt to attack her. Imagine if a Minotaur had a lion’s head; that’s what they look like. She thinks she’s a goner, but suddenly she’s saved by a mysterious man with dark hair and purple eyes. They hide from the monsters together, and Beni learns that this man also doesn’t have any memories. They team up and explore, eventually coming across 3 other men in the mansion who also have amnesia. The four of them find a large hall within the mansion to make their ‘base’ where they’ll be safe from the monsters. They realize that they all have phones on them, and though there isn’t any service, each of them has received one message. “Collect the shards. Complete the kaleidoscope.” They’re in this mansion for a reason, and clearly someone is pulling the strings.

I can’t go into too much detail about the individual routes because the amount of plot twists and spoilers in this game are insane. I will describe each guy and a summary of what their route meant for me and how it made me feel. Some of the routes were phenomenal in their story writing and character development, others not so much. 

The first route recommended is a man named Kagiha, the 2nd person that Beni meets in the mansion, and I have complex feelings about his route. He’s a tall, soft spoken, polite man with light brown hair and green eyes. He’s very kindhearted and treats Beni with a lot of care, cheering her up when she’s depressed about their situation. Kagiha was my favorite in the beginning simply due to how kind he was. All of them were in a very depressing situation with no memories and barely any hope, so his kindness was a sort of light in that darkness. I was very excited for his route and to learn his backstory. It turns out, his route is a branch of the “Best Ending” of the game, so you get to learn the truth about almost everything as you play through his route. I certainly wasn’t expecting this. I had been warned in the past about POTBB’s bittersweet endings, but I really wasn’t prepared like I thought I was. Due to Kagiha’s circumstances (that I can’t go into detail about), his route has two endings, and neither of them are “happy” in regard to his relationship with Beni. The “Best Ending” of the game does indeed end on a happy note, but they don’t end up happy together (again due to circumstances I can’t talk about without spoiling). The “Kagiha Ending” of the game does have them end up together romantically, but with very bittersweet conditions that’s more depressing than the alternative, in my opinion. I was very upset and I cried at both endings, regretting that I loved Kagiha so much because neither ending let him and Beni be truly happy together. But even though I was upset, I have to admit that the “Best Ending” was written phenomenally and deals with the concept of death, grieving, acceptance, and change in a beautiful way. The themes in this game are very heavy but discuss them in a beautiful, important way that really gets your brain going. I sat in silence for a while after the “Best Ending” just… thinking. 

After that emotional wreck, I was ready for a happy ending or at least some more closure. Hikage’s route is recommended after Kagiha, which surprised me a bit. Based off of the cover art and his introduction, he seemed to be the “poster boy.” Hikage is the first man Beni meets in the mansion, the man who saved her from the monsters. I can barely describe his route without getting into spoilers, but it was intense. I didn’t like Hikage at first because he had this misogynistic mindset and constantly scolded Beni for being “weak, just like all women” and yelled at her for “slowing them down.” I wasn’t excited for his route because obviously it meant Beni would get more of this treatment, but I was honestly surprised at what his route had in store. There’s a major plot twist within the route and you come to understand why Hikage has this mindset, and that it doesn’t come from a place of misogyny, but rather trauma. The ending to his route shocked me so much and I bawled my eyes out. It definitely ends on a bittersweet note as well, but the very last scene offers some sort of closure (though not enough, in my opinion.) I overall liked his route plot-wise and thought it was also very thought provoking, tackling themes of abuse, death, mental instability, and despair. Romantically it was okay, but I felt like it took a side-seat to the plot which can either be good or bad, depending on how much you value romance and/or get attached to the characters. Without spoiling, I can tell you that Hikage is written in a way where it makes sense that romance isn’t the focus. Thankfully I wasn’t attached to Hikage as much as Kagiha, but I still cried a river anyway…

You’d think after two routes with horrifically bittersweet endings that the whole game will probably be this way, but surprisingly, the third route in POTBB filled my heart with joy. This route centered around Yamato, who’s a short-tempered, sporty guy with ice-blue hair. He has a bit of a foul mouth, often yelling or getting angry at their situation, but never in an irrational way. Yamato actually ended up being my favorite character overall. He has an unexpected soft side and his romance with Beni was the most realistic among the cast. I also felt his route was quite tragic, despite having the happiest romantic ending in the game. Yamato and Beni’s relationship is really complex, and they actually bond over grief and guilt. Both of them harbor so much guilt in their hearts and it shackles the both of them to their pasts, but by grieving together and finding strength in one another, they’re able to push each other to move on and grow. I really enjoyed this route in a moral sense. It teaches you that it’s okay to grieve and that people grieve at different paces, and sometimes it’s okay to bond over said grief. Healing and forgiveness take time, and having someone else there to heal with you can make you both stronger. The themes in his route were so beautiful and even watching his bonds with other members of the cast grow were incredible too. He has the happiest romantic ending in the game as well, which just added to how good it was. Interestingly enough, Yamato’s route also helped me come to terms with the bittersweetness of the previous routes. I was finally able to accept the circumstances and reasonings behind the depressing endings, allowing me to appreciate the game more as a whole.  

After Yamato’s romantic end, I was excited to finish the rest of the game. I prayed that this next route had a happy ending as well, and that Yamato wasn’t just an exception. I began to pursue Monshiro, who’s a mysterious man who wears a fox mask that Beni has spotted wandering the mansion sometimes. I didn’t know what to expect from him during the first bit of the game because he’s sort of absent until the end of the common route. I was pleasantly surprised, though! I learned more and more about him as I played, even in the other routes, and he’s wonderful. He’s adorable, loving, and incredibly sweet. His route tackles themes of isolation and loneliness, with Monshiro being severely traumatized due to being alone in the mansion for several years. He’s very clingy with Beni and values their relationship more than anything, his main fear being him getting left alone again. His ending was quite happy as well, but their romantic development and deep connection never really got the ending it deserved. Their bond was almost as strong as her bond with Yamato, but I feel like in the end they didn’t get to express that to each other properly. It also felt quite short to me, I wish I could have gotten more content with them that wasn’t plot-related and just focused on their bond and how much they care for each other. Overall, I enjoyed it because Monshiro is so loveable, but the ending just left me unsatisfied and begging for more.  

Now, the last route was a doozy. I’d like to clarify before I begin that this is all, of course, my opinion and perspective, so don’t let this discourage you from trying the game or loving this character! I will get into minor spoilers as well here, just because it’s hard to explain my feelings without talking about what happened. The last route I played was Karasuba, who is… not the best. I can confidently say I hate him, and his route didn’t really change that for me. He has bright yellow hair and yellow eyes, so his design was already creepy to me from the start, but his personality is much worse. At first glance he seems like a funny, happy-go-lucky class clown type, but his real personality is much more twisted. He flirts with Beni so intensely to the point of sexual harassment, but then backs off and laughs, pretending it was “just a joke.” Now this is already bad enough, but he’s just incredibly rude to everyone around him as well. He demeans Beni constantly for being “naive” and “cowardly,” all with a smile on his face as he pretends he’s saying it “for her own good.” He also constantly insults the other characters, starting fights with them whenever he can and giggling about it when it’s over. The whole “reason” behind why he acts like this is because he was bullied when he was a child. He projects his insecurities onto others and thus becomes the bully he hated so much when he was younger. He does later apologize for this at the end of his route, but I felt like one sorry just wasn’t enough to atone for the way he treated everyone? He sexually harasses Beni until she starts crying at one point, then backs away and claims it was “just a joke to teach her a lesson at how dangerous men can be.” He’s just awful and I don’t think he develops very much, even in his good ending despite his apology. His bad ending was even worse, which involved him brainwashing and manipulating Beni to be with him. I know some people who enjoyed his route and while I do respect that, it’s just hard for me to understand how someone would enjoy a character like him. I do think he’s interesting because he has deep flaws and trauma and instead of growing from it, he let them taint him and he ended up becoming the very thing he hated. So, he is interesting, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good love interest for Beni or even a good character in general. If I’d have to state one major flaw about this game, it’s Karasuba’s existence and his lack of character development or redemption.

After the 5 character routes are over, you’d assume that’s the end. The game actually continues after this, though, with the “Summer Camp” ending that unlocks last. This was my favorite part of the game. It’s a “What-If” scenario where every single character gets their happy ending, and offers a lot of closure after the despair you experience in the character routes. It healed me and freshened my mind after the tragedy. It’s a wonderful inclusion and I actually cried tears of joy while playing it, due to how emotional it made me. 

Overall, Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly was an emotional rollercoaster that I will never forget. While yes it has its flaws, I don’t regret playing it. The topics covered, such as isolation, death, and guilt, were so heavy and intense; but they were also so meaningful and I feel like everyone should experience them. I feel my favorite theme was the deep dive into Survivor’s Guilt and how people process and deal with it differently. The mystery surrounding the mansion and their circumstances was also very interesting and the plot twists were well executed. The whole cast is so full of life and each of their bonds are extremely complex. Beniyuri is a wonderful main character and I found myself rooting for her and her happiness the entire time. I definitely recommend this game to anyone who loves tragedy and complex plots, but I probably wouldn’t recommend this game to someone who’d be uncomfortable with really dark themes like graphic death. This game definitely took a toll on my mental health for a few days, but also offered life lessons that I’ll no doubt remember and value for a very long time. 

Rating: 7/10!

[modeus-the-misanthrope]